#and my super recent pieces i was really proud of all gone :(

[causticsunshine]

.

[pedropascallme]

How about a fic where the reader also works at Smosh and they recently started dating but they haven't gone beyond kissing AND BAM FIRST TIME HAPPENS- really sexy, fluffy, gentle, maybe he picks her up a little bit, and they take time exploring eachother. You'd do so gooood! We truly need more Damien fic in this fandom 😭🔥

More, More, More

Pairing: Damien Haas x f!Reader

Summary: “You tilted your head, scanning his face; he blinked hard once, and fixed his posture, pushing his shoulders back slightly before relaxing them. Your hand trailed up his arm, tracing his tattoos and then loosely grabbing at his bicep.”

Warnings: SMUT (18+ MINORS DNI) p in v sex, oral (f receiving), fingering, dirty talk, praise, uhhh some Hereditary spoilers I guess? If I missed anything please let me know!

AN: Not super proud of this because I've been studying all week and I feel like my lack of sleep did not contribute to this in any beneficial ways but I still hope you enjoy it <3

“Are you coming with us tonight?” You fell into step with Courtney while you walked down the hall and out of the office.

“No, I don’t think so,” you looked up from your phone, “promised Damien I’d watch Hereditary, and I don’t think he’d let me bail.”

She smiled at you, walking you to your car, “It’s a good movie,” she tilted her head, “And he’s a good guy. I don’t blame you for wanting to stay in.”

“Yeah, well,” you kind of clammed up, “He’s cute and I love a good beheading, so.” You laughed with each other before saying your goodbyes.

You’d been dating him for two months. And it was really and truly delightful; he was kind, and communicative, and above all so, so pretty. It had started so naturally, harbored crushes surfacing to reveal themselves at the right time, and progressed so smoothly, and you were thrilled by it.

Still, you let the familiar fear of rejection take control at times; the anxiety that maybe you were moving too quickly and that he was only a fraction as interested in you as you were in him. So the physical affection stayed surface level—literally—in that you kissed and touched but hadn’t gone beyond second base, if you remembered the laws of high school correctly.

And that was fine, and he hadn’t said anything, hadn’t put pressure on you to do anything you didn’t want—but you really did want it. You wanted to let him have you, let him take you in taboo ways and places. Maybe that made you a bit deviant, maybe even a little perverse. But it was hard to be with someone so…flawless, as far as you were concerned, and not want something like that, even when the voices in your head told you that you shouldn’t, or that you weren’t nearly as experienced as any of his past partners might have been.

Comparison meets joy, and stabs it right in the neck.

~~~

“Be honest with me,” you sat next to Damien on the couch, curling your legs beneath you and leaning over towards him, “Did you want to watch this with me just so you could hold me during the scary parts?”

“Yeah, but not for the reasons you think,” he draped an arm over your shoulder, pulling you closer to him, “I’m fucking terrified of it, and I need my big strong girlfriend to protect me.” He smiled, clearly amused by himself, and you blew a piece of hair out of his face.

“Wuss.” You kissed him, hand toying with his collar, before sitting back and leaning on his shoulder.

“Yeah? Remember that you said that tonight when you turn off the lights.” He shot you a dubious grin before grabbing the remote. You watched the muscle in his wrist move when he pressed the buttons, captivated by the small details of his body and the way he mouthed the titles of the movies that popped up on the TV screen while he flicked through previously watched films.

You tilted your head, scanning his face; he blinked hard once, and fixed his posture, pushing his shoulders back slightly before relaxing them. Your hand trailed up his arm, tracing his tattoos and then loosely grabbing at his bicep.

“I’ll still remember you’re a wuss when the lights are off.” You mumbled, and he looked down at you.

“You seem so sure.” He watched your hand sweep over his arm, nails barely grazing his skin.

“You think I should be contemplating something else?” You goaded him, unsure of where the sudden confidence had come from and why it had appeared only now. “Don’t you want me to think about you when the lights are off?” You continued with your double entendres. You saw him swallow, and from your position, leaning over him with your hand now on his chest, you could feel his heartbeat pick up.

God, he was nice to look at.

“No, I do,” he put down the remote, reaching over to hold your chin in his hand and guide you up to him, “but I think my proposal might be a little more…vulgar.”

You smiled against his mouth when he kissed you, the leisurely pace allowing you to take your time tasting him, feeling the shape of him near you, on you. You sat up, giving yourself room to lace your fingers in his hair and pull him even closer, and he let you; an arm wrapped around your waist to secure you against him.

“You wanna watch this movie with me or not?” You quipped when you separated from him, and he smiled, shaking his head.

“Yes—yeah. I do want to watch this with you,” he paused, before continuing, “You, uh…you wanna tell me something?” He sort of shifted in his seat, tilting his head back on the couch cushions to drink you in.

“What?”

“Where that came from?”

“Don’t know what you’re talking about,” you played dumb, heat creeping up your neck and splashing your cheeks red; you tried not to lose your new surge of confidence, reassuring yourself that his line of questioning was a result of mutual excitement. You leaned over him to grab the remote and press play before you crawled into his lap to straddle him.

“You gonna watch this way?” His hands found purchase on your hips.

“I haven’t told you about this skill?” You kept up your act.

“No, I was unaware of the eyes on the back of your head,” he squeezed your hips and you hummed at the feeling, “But it’s pretty hot. I love a woman with twenty/twenty/twenty/twenty vision.”

You heard the movie play behind you; the score and the sound of voices droning softly. “Can I be honest,” you traced a finger over his collar, “I’m not that interested in the movie right now.”

“How dare you,” Damien feigned hurt, “This is a serious breach of protocol—” his hands crawled up your back before he stood, picking you up with him, and laying you on your back, caging you under him while you laughed from the adrenaline that came with being picked up and put down so quickly. “And I absolutely will not have it,” he kissed down your neck and you grabbed at his hair. “This switch up will not go unpunished.” He brought his face back up to yours and kissed you deeply, your hand tightening in his hair when his tongue slipped past your lips.

“Tell me if it’s too much?” He urged, nose brushing against your cheek when he broke away from you.

“Keep going.”

“You’re sure?”

“Damien, I don’t think there’s a sexy way to say this: I really want to have sex with you right now.” Your hand fell from his hair and trailed over his neck, stopping between his shoulder blades, and pulling gently at his shirt.

“Sounded pretty sexy to me,” he smirked, continuing his ministrations, kissing down your neck, lips stopping just above the collar of your shirt. He reached under the hem of the fabric, warm palms brushing against your skin while he explored you. You gasped when he cupped your breast in his hand, his free arm finding its way under your body to prop you up slightly and allow him easier access to you.

You’d done this before, had him touch you like this, but it felt so much more charged in this moment; the promise of more to come made you antsy in the best way, having previously stopped here. His hands kept exploring, with your chest, your stomach, and the curve of your spine all finding relief under his hands. You slid one hand under his shirt, desperate to be as close to him as possible; your other hand continued to tug on the back of his collar, encouraging him to rid himself of the layer of fabric.

He gave in to your silent request, pulling away from you momentarily to take it off before returning his undivided attention to you and, with his hands on your waist, bunching your shirt up at your sides, offered you another heated kiss.

You felt restless, wired by his touch and eager to feel him in the ways you had spent so much time imagining. Your hips bucked gently into his, and you heard his breath catch in his throat, his chest stuttering against you when you deepened the kiss, arms wrapping around his neck and one leg draped over him. Your hands trailed over his back, drinking in his frame above you. You tugged at his hair to disconnect momentarily, panting.

“Can I…?” His hand ghosted over the hem of your shirt while you looked up at him.

“Please.” You gave him the go-ahead, and he pulled you up a bit to help you strip off your shirt. He wasted no time, licking a streak across your collar bone before dipping his head down to kiss the valley between your breasts; he left open-mouthed kisses on the soft flesh and you put a hand on the back of his neck, unsure whether to enjoy the view or allow your head to loll back to fully embrace the feeling of his mouth on your body. His thumb grazed over one of your nipples, and you gasped at the contact.

“Beautiful,” he mumbled against your chest, focused on the way the emerging goosebumps on your skin felt against his tongue and fingers, “you’re so beautiful.”

“Damien,” you tilted his chin up in your fingers, “pants.”

“Fuck—right.” He tore himself away from you, hands flying to the zipper of your jeans to undo them and peel them off your legs. He toyed with the waistband of your panties, undeniably obvious wet spot soaking through with your desire, before lowering his face to your core and licking a stripe over your clothed cunt. You whimpered, hand reaching for his shoulder and squeezing, encouraging him to continue. He repeated the action, looking up at you from between your legs to watch your eyes flutter before you let your head fall back against the armrest of the couch.

“Can I take them off?” One of his fingers softly brushed against your clit over your panties.

“You can do whatever you want,” and you were only half-joking, so trusting of him and his intentions, “Take them off.”

Damien did as he was told, pulling the fabric down your thighs. He let one of his fingers trail up your slit, letting you coat it with your slick before using it to rub tight circles on your clit.

“You’re so fucking wet,” he had moved himself down the couch, propping himself up on his forearms above your core, and, using the position to his advantage, he licked into you, finally getting a proper taste. You moaned, a breathy sound that pushed all the air from your lungs, and it spurred him on: his tongue fucked into you while he used his finger to massage your clit, grinding his hips into the couch to find friction when you moaned his name.

He removed his finger from your clit, letting it trace over your hole before sinking into you; you let out a sigh of contentment, and he pumped it slowly in and out of you, taking your clit between his lips and sucking, before adding another digit. You mewled down at him, whispers of his name and begs for him to continue his movements, promises of how good you would be for him if he would just, please, let you cum. He moaned at your words, the vibrations shooting through your core, and when he sped up his movements ever so slightly, you were an absolute goner; one last swipe of his tongue over your clit in time with the push of his fingers against your walls had you crying out for him.

You gulped for air, dizzy with satisfaction, and when you looked down at him, he was already staring at you, his face painted with a dopey grin. “Hi.”

“Hi,” you smiled, letting your head fall back on the couch. He climbed up and over you, kissing your forehead.

“You’re pretty when you cum for me,” he rubbed his nose against yours before moving to kiss your cheek, “wanna see you do it again.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.” He nodded, lips brushing against yours and you closed the gap between them; you could taste the sweet edge of your own cum on his tongue.

“Make me.” You whispered against him, and he groaned into the kiss, pushing his hips against yours.

Hesitantly, he broke away, standing to undo his belt and undress. You watched, transfixed, eyes trailing from his collar to his legs. The background noise of the movie rose to a crescendo before falling quiet.

“Baby,” his hand fell over your face, cupping your cheek.

“Mhm.”

“We just missed the decapitation scene.” His words were laced with a faux disappointment, and you bit the inside of your cheek to keep from laughing.

“Guess you’ll just have to bide your time until you can find the remote and rewind.” You pulled at his arm, and he crawled back onto the couch, positioning himself above you.

“I mean—if you insist,” he laughed, kissing your neck while he lined himself up with you. The tip of his cock nudged at your entrance and the mood returned to a more serious tone. “Gonna be good for me?” His forehead rested against yours, “Gonna tell me what you need?”

“Yeah,” you breathed, squirming just enough to feel a hint more relief with his cock so close to where you needed it. “Need you, Damien.”

“Good girl.” He pushed into you slowly, letting you adjust to the stretch as he went. Mouth open and eyes squeezed shut at the feeling, he moaned softly when he bottomed out. You clawed at his arms, pulsing around him.

“More,” you pleaded under him.

“Oh my god,” he keened at your words, pushing his hips into yours even further before pulling out to repeat the motion over again; long, languid thrusts filling you up, dropping kisses on any exposed skin you could reach on each other between moans. “Tell me—tell me how it feels, baby.” Damien whispered into the skin of your cheek, his words quiet in your ear.

“It’s so good,” you whined at the drag of his cock against your walls, tip pushing against your most sensitive spots with every roll of his hips. “Want it—harder, please, Damien.”

He gave in to your cries immediately; straightening himself out above you, one arm reaching for your leg to prop it up against his shoulder, he used it as leverage to pull you into him. You yelped, well pleased by the new angle and the deep push of his hips, eyes rolling back when he brushed your cervix.

“Christ, you’re so pretty,” he grit his teeth, growling his words, “You like that, baby? Like feeling me like this?”

Your face contorted into a hazy smile, ragged moans taking the place of a coherent answer to his question. You reached out for him, raising your arms to encourage him to drop back down to your level; he pushed your leg down, and you wrapped it around his waist when he leaned forward to kiss you, engulfing you underneath him. He buried his face in the crook of your neck, trying to capture every inch of your body to bottle in this memory. You whined at the feeling of his stubble on your neck, the vague tickle making you giggle softly into his shoulder before your own moans cut your laughter short. He smiled, hips still driving into you.

“Doing so good, baby, give me one more.” He gave himself the space to snake an arm between your bodies, fingers deftly finding your clit and kneading it to pair with his thrusts. You arched your back, consumed by need, desperate to show him how good he made you feel. He sped up, movements becoming rougher the closer you both got to your highs; he rolled your clit under his finger and you gripped his bicep, nails threatening to break his skin as you came for him.

“That’s right—fuck, that’s my good girl,” He praised you while you trembled under him, cunt squeezing his cock while he drew out your orgasm. “So fucking good, that’s it.” He rambled, mouth agape once more as he hurtled towards the edge; after a few more deep thrusts, he pulled out of you, fisting his cock and spilling over your stomach with a moan of your name. His cum was warm on your skin, mixing with the sheen of sweat that had developed over you.

He slumped over you, leaving open mouthed kisses on your neck while he evened out his breathing; you took deep breaths underneath him, wrapping your arms around his neck and pushing your cheek into the crown of his head.

“That was,” he breathed against your skin, bringing his face to your level, and kissing your nose, “better than a movie.”

“That’s high praise.” You mumbled, letting him press a gentle kiss to your lips.

“I know,” he smiled, a familiar playful glint in his eye, “Don’t you feel honored?”

“So much,” you laughed, “and sweaty.”

He stood up, locating his shirt near the coffee table. He turned back to you, using it to wipe down your stomach and the wet that dripped between your legs, peppering your abdomen with kisses. One of your fingers scooped a spot he had missed on your stomach, and you brought it to your mouth to lick it clean.

“Damien…” you released your finger with a pop, and he returned to his spot on the couch, pulling you up to lean against him. He looked at you, silently pressing you to continue, eyes fixed on your lips, silently hoping you might repeat the action just so he could see it again. “Can we rewind the movie?”

He laughed, wrapping his arms around you and kissing the top of your head. “If you think you can get through it without getting distracted.”

“Mm,” you grunted, pushing yourself further into him, “no promises.”

[ros3ybabe]

Daily Check-in - August 12th, 2023 🎀

My updates have been a little spread out, but I am happy to announce that I will be (hopefully) posting updates more regularly with my university classes starting for the fall semester and now that I'm also back at my original job! It definitely gave me a reason to stick to my routine so I have a good feeling about all of this!

With the new semester starting comes new goals, which I will be making a separate post about! It's going to somewhat detail my personal, academic, and social goals for the fall semester. So stay tuned for that!

I also began intermittent fasting recently as I have read that it helps with PCOS (which I do have, along with hypothyroidism). My goal is to become healthier physically and mentally, and I believe that doing this will only improve my quality of life! I currently am doing 16:8, and I love it because it works with my schedule and eating habits I usually already have!

🩷 What I Ate Today:

Brunch - One piece of brioche style white bread with two slices of cheddar cheese and a spoonful of scrambled eggs and a side of diced potatoes with ketchup.

Dinner - Taco Bell <3 A nacho bell grande and a crunchwrap Supreme with lots of Diablo sauce

Snacks - 2 cups of coffee with one sweet n low each and French vanilla creamer, and one mocha cold brew shake from the coffee shop on my university campus.

I decided to treat myself to Taco Bell tonight since I was craving it and had the money to do so. I actually ordered more than I ended up eating, so I gave the rest to my roommate.

🩷 Workout - Upper Body Pilates-ish

I loved this so much the first time I did it that I wanted to include it again! ait gives such a nice burn and feel after completing it and I honestly wish it was longer, it's that good!

I wanted to try this one because I think fixing posture is helpful, and honestly, those 90 shoulders are really aesthetic. I don't think this is going to give me *drastic* results until I lose some weight and lean out a bit, but I think helping to fix my posture is such a good idea to help with back pain and avoiding text neck! I liked this one, but there were a couple of stretches that were a bit hard to complete, given my current weight. But I'll keep doing this til I get it!

🩷 Habits I Accomplished Today -

Made my bed

Morning and Night Skincare

Morning Guided Journal

Daily Journal

Reas 1 Chapter of a book

Morning Workout

Stretching

Today was definitely a good day, especially since I completed most of those before going to work at 715am! I'm super proud of myself, and I hope to keep my progress going and continue bettering myself!

🩷 Song of the Day: Anti-Hero by Taylor Swift

This song is soo good. I've never been a Swiftie but I've started getting into a couple of her songs, I like how soft they sound.

🩷 Current Read - Attached by Amir Levine and Rachel S. F. Heller

This book has been in my shelf for a few months and since I've recently gone long distance with my boyfriend, I figured it would be a good idea to educate myself on attachment styles and ways to healthily navigate relationships. I'm two chapters in and I already love it!

That's all for the day! I'll update you guys again tomorrow! Thank you for all the love <3

Til tomorrow, my lovelies 🩷

[didididraws]

my tablet is currently halfway across the country for repairs (my brother's the most tech-savvy in my family and asking him to take a look at it was cheaper than taking it to a shop) so i haven't been able to draw lately. i've made a bunch of traditional sketches in the meantime, but none of them are presentable enough to post here, so i decided to take a trip down memory lane and fill out one of foxorian's influence maps!

below the cut are the names of the artists featured here, as well as a little bit of director's commentary on how they've influenced me :]

yugo limbo (website, tumblr, twitter) - some time last year, i realized something profoundly unnerving: i actually... don't like the art in smile for me's original release all that much? that's not to say it's bad, just that there isn't a whole lot about it outside of maybe its architecture that stands out to me. which is REALLY WEIRD, considering i wrote a whole retrospective about how much this game means to me. art-wise, however, it was only after smile for me's release that yugo limbo's art evolved in a way that really resonated with me; i love how textured everything is, i love the way they simplify clothing folds and the way that skin wrinkles around the joints, i love their love for puppets; all of those things ended up worming their way into my art style and tastes one way or another, and i couldn't be happier!! it didn't feel right to leave smile for me out of the equation entirely, though, so i chose a piece that was both related to that game and that i felt reflected a lot of what i love about yugo's more recent art.

echobsilly (twitter, tumblr) - oh god, speaking of yugo limbo - god. i fucking love echo's art so much i have no idea how to even do it justice in writing. like many people i first found him through his smile for me/limbolane fanart and animations - and those are some of his best work, don't get me wrong, but i really wanted to include one of his original designs to make a point that he's just fuckin great at art in general. character design, facial expressions, body language, composition, LIGHTING... he makes it all just. so so so gorgeous. i always liked "painterly" art styles for lack of a better word, but i think his art is what first pushed me to embrace that more in my digital art. i also like how he talks about dr. habit like he's his dead wife. i'm very proud to call him a friend these days :]

japhers (tumblr, twitter, instagram) - i first found japhers' art in high school and he very quickly became a HUUUUUGE influence on my taste in character and costume design. one of the big reasons i never fully bought into the idea that men's fashion is inherently harder to design is bc so much of his art is already dedicated to exploring fashion Without the restrictions of a gender binary in place which is to say that he's really good at drawing buff dudes in frilly outfits. i also think he gave me more confidence to draw more intricate costumes without having to worry about super dainty and clean lineart, bc a lot of his art looks like it's kinda been carved/rendered out of sketches, and it is Gorgeous.

moe suppe (website, tumblr, cohost) - another artist i found in high school, albeit originally from a long-gone instagram account. his art is what kickstarted my desire to have some Roughness in my art, some Texture. it may not have stuck to my lineart, but it Definitely stuck to my rendering. it helped that i was going through a pretty big angel/demon phase at the time, which meant i was pretty immediately drawn in by his delightfully weird worldbuilding. i should probably read fear not now that it's an actual serial...

val wise (website, itch.io, twitter, instagram) - a more recent influence, but a pretty significant one nonetheless. i featured the cover of délicatesse here because it was the first thing from him that i had ever read, but in general his grasp on the human body really blows me away given how deceptively simple his style looks at first glance, especially his faces. the way fat and hair sits on her bodies, and how much it varies from character to character... it's beautiful without being So glamorous that it feels untouchable. his costume design is also great. i recommend his comics for low fantasy/ursula k. le guin fans who are Dying to see more fat characters in leading roles. i also just found out that i am of two hearts is free on itch.io, so i'll be treating myself to that over spring break.

partycoffin (tumblr, twitter) - if you have known me for any amount of time at all then this should not come as a surprise to you. i actually wasn't going to include partycoffin in this map at first, because while welcome home has inspired me in Many creative pursuits, i didn't think visual art was one of them? i definitely picked up some of clown's love for dramatic lighting and thinner lines with just a smidge of well-placed hatching subconsciously, though.

ryoko kui - probably the most recent artist featured here? anyways i have a confession to make: i have yet to read dungeon meshi. i just know that when i saw a post compiling a bunch of ryoko kui's sketches from her daydream hour series, i was so overwhelmed with this feeling of, like… "oh, yeah, these capture almost everything i love about women as flesh and blood people. when i draw women this is the kind of beauty that i want people to see in them." of course, ryoko kui is a great character designer in general, but something about her women specifically really speak to me. the earthier color palettes and rendering also do a lot to endear her art to me.

shuzo oshimi - specifically his art in blood on the tracks. something that really stood out to me in that series was whenever the shadows would get really intense, and you'd get these big blocks of black with just the faintest bit of hatching to soften out some of their edges. it was always very effective in creating this sense of claustrophobia. i really want to keep incorporating that in my more intense pieces!

person918x (tumblr, instagram) - i don't work with 3d art often and i don't see myself doing so any time soon, but the composition of person918x's pieces is something i take a lot of inspiration of. i also love his sequential art, as someone who does a lot of dream journaling it's sick to see the exact Vibe of a dream be put to (digital) canvas. i also firmly believe that he's one of the only people out there who knows what he's doing when it comes to using generative AI in art.

oops i made this list too long so now i have to put the last two artists in a new block.

10. meatgiri (twitter, instagram) - definitely the artist i've known about the longest out of this selection. i think i've been following her since…. oh god. since i was in middle school. way before she was meatgiri, even. i think her influence probably shows up the least in my art, but there are definitely some characteristics that stuck with me for a very long time (the lil block of black accompanied by one or two lines for shading on the neck, the looser lineart making it really easy to incorporate soft curves and sharp edges, the Eyes, etc etc.) i chose this drawing of her oc juniper bc i thought it was both reflective of her current art And a good embodiment of a lot of things i wanted to emulate from her art as a young'un.

11. dragan bibin (website, instagram) - specifically his 'deimos' series. much like with person918x, it's his compositions that really stand out to me the most, and you probably know by now that i'm a sucker for high contrast. i find it interesting though that he uses high contrast to obscure more than he does to highlight... helps a lot with giving the deimos paintings that air of Quiet Unease. another thing i want to incorporate in my horror-adjacent art! manmade environments gone wrong!

[parksprout]

Sprout Journal 12/17/24

Hi Tumbie <3 how are you today? Are you doing well? Are you hanging out, working on yourself, but still having fun in life? I hope you're having such a great time, seriously :3 anyone who reads this

Myself? I'm doing alright I think. For the most part I've hit emotional equilibrium these days, which is like ... fine I think? I wouldn't say I'm in a happy phase, but net neutral is a lot better than what I had before. My low's still happen, I still cry some days, but I'm never feeling as depressive as the early days of the breakup. My highs are actually a little bit less frequent than they were even post-breakup? I think it's because a lot of those days during the early to middle period of the breakup me and Aaron were having a lot of conversations where it felt very much like we might've started dating again quickly after that, so I would ride that high a bit delusionally for the day.

There's not a whole lot to talk about right now, but it's still important that I talk about what I do wanna get out so it doesn't fester methinks. So first I wanna get into some general life updates, then I wanna talk about my family, and then just... some more of the usual thoughts about Aaron, is that okay?!

Also, I haven't had very good relationships with my friends recently. Not that I'm falling out with any of them, but they've got other stuff going on. I think that a lot of them balked at me when they heard about the breakup, it was kinda a "oh not this again" reaction from a couple of them. Only my two closest friends have been fully receptive. I have made a couple of new friends lately! Or gotten some old ones back! I've gotten a lot closer with a mutual friend of me and Aaron's named Liv, we talk basically every day lately. Then there's Sarah and her boyfriend Aidan, both of which were great to meet up with and hang out with!! I also reached out to my old friend Hana who I had actually cut off forever ago because we had a kinda hot-cold almost dating thing before I met Aaron, BUT I obviously am super taken (even if I'm not technically dating them I really do consider myself off the table, I'm not interested in dating otherwise), and I actually saw that Hana is moving in with a boyfriend!!! So we caught up recently which was nice. We both kinda laughed about the way our friendship ended the last time, we had both been in relationships that went south then entered a strange friendship together and lost interest in hanging out because we fell for people aklsjdfh it's funny. But none of those friendships have been super like... active? We've had a few conversations and hung out here or there in Sarah & her bf's case but honestly no aspect of my social life is really feeling as fulfilling as I would like. I think that... in a lot of ways, I'm just ready to move on from a lot of the relationships I have at the moment? Not necessarily in a cutting them off sort of way, but in the like... I wouldn't mind being far from them for a while kinda way, I wouldn't mind leaving it all behind. I want to leave it all behind, actually, and that will be a returning theme of the journal today.

One piece of good news it that I officially passed my semester two days ago and became a junior in college. I'm entering the final stretch if you think about it, isn't that wild? I've been in school since summer of 2023 and in that time I've gone from nothing to a junior. I'm feeling very proud. I didn't maintain my 4.0 GPA into this first semester at an actual University and tbh I'm not even that mad about it. I got a B- in Archaeology, a B in Spanish, an A in Anthropology and an A+ in creative writing. That's still a damn good performance for someone who has literally been back and forth with suicidal ideations since late October, like I did a third of the semester under intense depressive episodes??? It's no small feat. But yeah now I'm on break and sooooo happy about it ugh.

I visited my family yesterday. It was mostly to hang out with my little brother and his girlfriend because they're both chill as hell and we're close enough in age that we understand everything the other's do. I was also there for two other reasons. My sister who moved to NY forever ago was in town and I decided it'd be okay to see her, and I wanted to see how my dad's recovering. We really didn't do much of anything while I was there lol it was so boring aklsjdhfasdf my brother his gf and I did go to a restaurant to get some food!! Then when we got back I was talking with my family about my plans and I mentioned that I'd probably be moving away in the next couple of years. Now, I wasn't expecting them to be like... dragging me away from the idea, but I was expecting either more questions about the idea or at least a bit of curiosity, but they almost universally responded with shrugs or a lack of reaction entirely. I don't particularly like my family, but it would still be nice if like... I mentioned wanting to move away for school 2,000 miles away elicited some kind of reaction. Really, their reaction just solidified my decision.

I really don't feel like I belong anywhere these days as depressive as that sounds to say. It's not bothering me that heavily, but it's like... a square peg and a round hole. I don't think this city, this state, this place is right for me. I don't fit in with most of these people, I'm not making any meaningful connections here and... I keep cutting one string at a time tying me to this place. I'm here because I love my best friend Sammy, I love my other closest friend Jordan, and I love my sister Kimmy, but... Sammy plans to leave eventually anyways, Jordan and I could always be friends no matter the distance and Kimmy usually has too much going on in the first place AND she has openly stated that she supports me leaving because she always wished she had. I'm feeling ready to go, but there's a huge problem.

I don't know where I'll go.

I'm in a moment of standby still. Aaron and I are still up in the air, and for me it will be until either they tell me they're moved on forever or we start dating again. That relationship is a MASSIVE factor in where I decide to move to. If we work out? I'm there in their city as soon as I possibly can be, it'd work out really well too. Before the breakup I had reached out to an account my job has there inquiring about jobs and they are always accepting people for positions there especially if they're transfers with management experience, so I could have a job in their city day one. I was looking at apartments and had some really good areas in mind too. And then there's schooling. I don't wanna dox their location so I won't say the University but theres a state University basically in their city (it's technically a town over but I have a car lmao) that offers the masters degree program that I want to pursue and I'm 100% confident I could get accepted there. Literally every aspect of it works out except for me and Aaron for now. WHICH IS DRIVING ME INSANNNEEEEE!!! I wish that they would be okay trying again, because I would be there so soon. I don't even feel comfortable visiting their city unless we're together, let alone applying for school nearby ToT I've had crazy ex's who have shown up at my house, I don't want to ever give Aaron even a glimpse of a feeling like that because it's frankly terrifying.

MANNNNNN this wasn't supposed to post like this, I was working on adding a bunch more and then my phone crashed!! I'll just edit it from here and then add the pictures I was gonna add on my phone.

One of the things I appreciate the most about my current relationship with Aaron is the honesty of it all. I can be 100% honest about how I feel, I can share basically every thought I have about them, us and myself with them and Aaron seems to feel comfortable doing the same. Recently I've had some moments of genuine anxiety. Some people have consistently whispered in my ear that after I send Aaron their christmas present they'll have no reason to talk to me, and while I know Aaron and trust them whole heartedly to never do something like that the fear was honestly welling up so... I asked Aaron and they reassured me otherwise. Also, I asked if they were okay with me texting them so much still and especially with the posts I was sending and they said yes to that, too. I'm just happy to know I'm not annoying them, that I'm not pushing them further away through my flirting, yearning, constant yapping and inescapable need to share myself 100% with them. Really, I've been doing better about being overly attentive towards them, but better in that department with me is still a lot alksjdf. I'm happy they're patient with me and okay with the amount of attention I give them, though. Gosh. This was supposed to be a diferent kinda entry once I started editing it, but the exhaustion is just fucking smakcing me right now. Why am I so tired???? Ough. I'll just write another journal soon that'll be more comprehensible, I think that this entry has been basically nonsensical from the start askljdhfaskdf. Anyways, love you tumbie. I'm gonna go read a book ab out lesbians killing dragons together., Baiiiii

[nostradamus0]

20 QUESTIONS GAME

Thanks for the tag @bronzeagepizzeria!! :)

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

39 works

2. What’s your total AO3 words count?

111,601 words

3. What fandoms do you write for?

whatever i’m hyperfixated on lol. my more recent writing has been for Supergirl, Once Upon a Time, and Doctor Who

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

swing low, supernova, & come to carry me home

love me like you mean it

we'll still be here (when it's all said and done)

you remind me: that it’s such a wonderful thing to love

the other side (of a world without you)

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

yes, but sometimes it takes me a while because of the raging adhd. i love the community aspect of fanfic, talking about writing makes me happy, and i’m always so grateful when people leave comments and i want to say thank you!! :) 

i saw someone say once that they don’t believe in responding to comments because they think people who do it are just trying to “inflate their comment count” or whatever and that is so depressing. i hope they see the light

6. What’s the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

probably i couldn't say: i need more time. that’s a real depressing fic, ngl. i remember i got really invested in writing it, even though the plot goes against everything i want for the characters

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

most of what i write is stupidly fluffy and/or sappy as hell lmao. but if i had to pick the most fluffiest, i might say what kind of woman loves like this.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

not really? i’ve gotten a few rude comments, but nothing super mean

9. Do you write smut? If so what kind?

no lol

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

i’ve never written a crossover. i’ve written, and have in progress, fics based on other media, but no actual crossovers.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

not to my knowledge

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

yes! i'm sure they did a great job but i don't speak russian so i can't actually tell

13. Have you ever cowritten a fic before?

yes, a very long time ago, and it’s lost now. the internet is not always forever. save things if you don’t want to lose them, kids 

14. What’s your all-time favourite ship?

what kind of sick question is this

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

all of them lmao. seriously though, i started a Finding Neverland supercorp AU and i dream desperately of finishing it, but likely never will.

16. What are your writing strengths?

i’m first and foremost a poet, so i’m good with sentence-level things like diction and the way lines flow and sound. alliteration and i are besties. i’m also not bad with imagery/description.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

dialogue. endings. middles. beginnings. i struggle a lot with describing actions. did i mention dialogue?

honestly, when it comes to fanfic, i think my biggest weakness is my own anxiety. i have zero experience with romantic attraction or anything, so i’m always worried i’m doing a shit job portraying it and then i get caught up in my head.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

i wish lol. i know bits and pieces of Polish and Spanish, but i’m only fluent in English. i’d love to find an excuse to use Polish, but that feels unlikely. i have a wip (that i haven’t touched in ages) that’ll eventually be supercorp but starts during Lena’s early childhood, and i’d love to use some Irish, but i have zero knowledge of Irish

19. First fandom you wrote for?

either Doctor Who or Once Upon a Time, i think? somewhere around 2013–2014? all that stuff is long gone, though.

20. Favourite fic you’ve ever written?

your voice is the splinter inside me. i poured my heart into that fic, and i’m still pretty proud of the result. i started a part 2, but i’m not in a headspace right now to finish it.

no pressure tags! @mulderscully @sssammich @benwvatt @pretty-pony plus everyone who wants to because i'm sleepy and can't think all that good right now <3

[rancidiva]

soooo, i've never shown anyone on here my writing before. like at all. and i really want to do that because why not ! so, i wanted to shared a piece of writing that i did for a recent english assignment that i'm super proud of. it's called 'he who is small and meek' ! i hope you guys enjoy it :)

I carry with me a part of myself that is not easily seen by others. He is tucked away tightly in my chest, waiting for his chance to shine, waiting for others to address him. He is small and meek and his voice is silently echoing in the corners of my mind. Only I can see him and only I know who he is. He has my hair and he has my face. He has my eyes and he has my clothing. He shares many things with me. He goes by an alias, regularly mistaken for someone else; someone who is not him. His real name is Milo; a name of Slavic origin that means “dear” or “beloved”. He doesn’t say it though; he is too scared. He fears that if people knew, they would howl with laughter and disavow his name, mocking it with pure and unbridled hatred. 

He has gone by multiple names throughout the years but he has always been the same small and meek boy, living in the crevices of my heart. He has only ever trusted two people to know who he is; his baby brother and his best friend. His mother does not know who he is quite yet, still naming him by his alias. He is not ready to tell her, to trust her. He is afraid that if she were to know, he would lose her. He would lose her love and her blessing. He is lost and unsure of what to do, trembling like a leaf just barely clinging onto a branch in the middle of fall. He feels alone. He waits for me sometimes. He waits for me to help him but I am not sure of what to do either.

If I told you that Milo was me, I am sure you would be thoroughly surprised. I have always been a boy ever since I was small and meek, just like him. It was only until four years ago that I knew who I was; a transgender boy. I have gone through many names throughout those four years. First, I was Miles. Then, I was Felix. I have been Clairvoyance, which is a strange name, I know, but I was content to have that name. I wore it like a badge of honor because it was so unusual. Eventually, I settled on Milo. I rarely tell others my actual name, both out of fear and just out of general awkwardness. Like the boy in my chest, I love my mother greatly. She has stuck with me ever since she brought me into this world. She has glued herself to my hands, lifting me up in sheer triumphant joy. However, she does not view boys like me the way that others do. To her, I am a plague on God’s earth, destined to be destroyed when the God of this world grows bored of his children. My biggest fear is that if she were to find out, she would hurt me and steal the boy in my chest away from me. I fear that her love would be taken from me, her triumphant joy molting away, instead a bright abhorrence taking place in her heart when she thinks of me. Through all of this, I still choose to keep the boy safe; to keep him alive because if he goes, I follow suit. His deathbed is mine.

[wrencatte]

For the wip thing, what’s sacrifice play about 👀?

sacrifice play! Which is now officially titled "dear listeners, here is a list of things." Which is, actually, inspired by your piece! If You Just Say The Word, I'll Be There By Your Side. It's my part 1 is Robin!Jason and part 2 is Red Hood!Jason (which is where the whump is). Two similar instances at galas during two different time periods (except the Red Hood portion is super whumpy) I've actually recently posted a snippet of Robin!Jason, but I'll post my most recent mashings of that one

Bruce swings an arm around Jason, hugging him tightly against his side. Jason huffs, pressing his face into his jacket to hide a blush Bruce bets is there. Babs grins and winks before she gestures everyone out into the main lobby. The lights pop on, revealing unconscious men scattered around the room, all carefully tied up with their own zip ties.

“Are you okay?” he presses into Jason’s hair. He feels him nod rapidly. “We’re not going to Alejandro’s if you’re lying.”

Jason jerks away, affronted. “No take backs!” he hisses – reminding Bruce of a scruffy little kitten. He tamps down on the fond laugh at the mental image. “I came to the gala. It ain’t my fault it got interrupted!”

“Is that your way of telling me you’re hurt?”

He scowls – except it looks more like a pout. Bruce smooths back his hair, finds a darkening bruise on his temple. “Fine. One got me good in the head. I twisted my ankle. But I’m okay! We can still get ice cream.” His eyes flicker sideways then back up at Bruce. “Can we invite Tim?”

Bruce blinks, brows furrowing. “I don’t see why not,” he says slowly even as he crouches down to check Jason’s ankle. The boy lets him with a put-upon sigh. There isn’t any swelling at least, he probably just rolled it. “Hey, watch the finger.” Follows pretty well. His pupils are even. “We have to get checked out and give statements. If the paramedics aren’t worried then, yeah, we’ll still go to Alejandro’s and bring Tim.”

“But not his parents,” Jason says quickly.

“…what’s wrong with his parents?”

“Nothing!” That’s suspicious. “Seriously nothing. They’re just really stuffy. Tim was talkin’ about the etiquette classes they make him go to. He goes to boarding school,” he says in a mock-horror – but there is some real horror in there too and Bruce tries not to think about it too much. Either way his stomach rolls uncomfortably. “Dude’s gotta be bored there. It’s in the name!”

Bruce ruffles his hair. “That was bad, and you know it.” Jason just grins cheekily. “If his parents agree, that’s fine.” He hesitates then suggests, “Maybe a sleepover?”

Jason has mentioned a few friends here and there from school, but no one he’s ever invited over, and he’s never gone out with any of them for more than a couple hours after school. The fact he wants to bring Tim along is a huge step.

He gains a considering look but doesn’t answer beyond that which is a fair response. Bruce will let him think about it, for now he smiles at the cops entering the room finally, smiles brighter for the paramedics. Jason lets them know about Tim’s location in the security room – and Bruce wonders, faintly and with the tiniest bit of apprehension, what the hell they were doing in there.

Bruce keeps Jason tucked to his side and surveys the downed men once more with a proud little smile. Ten men, in the dark, no injures except for a rolled ankle and a bruised temple. Pretty damn good if he does say so himself.

—

Jason reaches up, yet again to fiddle with the knot of his tie. Eventually he scowls and rips the thing off from around his neck, shoving it in his pocket. He pops the top buttons of his shirt, pulling the collar away from his neck. Bruce, who had been watching fondly at a familiar habit, flinches and looks away from the puckered line across his son’s throat.

Bruce clears his throat and shuffles closer. “I’m glad you came,” he murmurs.

Jason side-eyes him, the scowl not changing. “Not for you,” he says under his breath then, before Bruce can tell him a resigned I know, he shoulder checks Bruce as he brushes past, making a beeline for Stephanie.

They duck their heads together, Stephanie gesturing excitedly and Jason nodding along like he’s listening intently. Tim sidles up, three champagne glasses of soda in hand that he passes one to each of them. Bruce stays against the wall, watching. Just…watching. His heart aching. Something burning behind his eyes.

[aimedigital]

[Skip to the dotted line for the rules]

HI EVERYONE! Today, I'm super, so very excited to share with you AIME! So, I do understand Hazbin Hotel won the poll, but I'm extremely attached/adoring of this TADC OC (and my only TADC OC eheh... :'D). But that's okay! I'm only sharing the oc for now, maybe some art of her every once in a while or in different AU's. So, here goes! Put a lot of work into the design, super proud.

Top left is from one of my old styles (I still use it from time to time), to right is also older, and bottom, again, is most recent.

Aime has a rather complex yet simple personality. So buckle up babes, because this is about to get DEEP!

Aime is from The Amazing Digital Circus. She was 21 when she first got to the circus. So basically, she's the youngest one there.

She gets easily angry. Like PISSED. She'll glare at you across the room and you know your in for it. Anger issues~...

She has a cool but lovestruck personality. So like, Aime will just be casually leaning against the wall, rolling her eyes at whatever Caine says. But she also sometimes acts a bit obsessed. Again, lovestuck gal here. She wasn't always like this though. In the beginning, when she first got to the circus, Aime was curious and easily flustered. Now, she's harder to crack and built up her whole new self after hanging around everyone.

Aime is originally welcomed in by Jax (who actually treated her really well! She got the pranking gig down now!). Before Pomni came into the picture, she, Jax, and Kaufmo had their own little band of goofballs who just went around pranking and cheering up in a way. Once Kaufmo left, she did rather miss him. A lot. But like her other friend, she'd rather bottle it up. For his funeral in episode two of TADC though, she does go up and quietly places down a small locket including a photo with her, Jax, and him making silly faces at the camera. Aime then sets it next to Gangle's drawing and mumbles a quiet, 'Thanks,' and again, quietly, walks out.

Treats Caine like a father. This was part of her original story. And I'll still keep it! Aime is the kind of person to also manipulate others to get what she wants. She became close with Caine for that reason, but eventually it turned into a father-daughter like relationship. She suggests adventures all the time for everyone, and is practically the queen bee.

Aime also doesn't like the idea of leaving the circus. she said, 'Here, we can be who we want to be!" (incorrect quote). She likes being Aime instead of herself. She likes the people here. And she's scared that if they find the exit that's all gone.

She also sorta has a thing for Jax? Like, I really don't want her to be that oc, which is why I'm including this not as the first thing. Except she does have a crush on Jax. I originally planned her to be going around making it obvious to everyone, but I'm thinking she only does accidentally or when she's acting defensive. But their relationship is complicated. Again, at the beginning for her it was like love at first sight. She loved the personality, loved the act. Anyhow, she was lovestruck (told you ;P). After Kaufmo started acting more crazed, she became nervous and drifted away from that group, residing in Kinger in Gangle. But Jax did stick with him, resulting in Jax and Aime drifting apart. But at the same time though, they were getting closer. More just them time. No Kaufmo. So, they were mischievous on their own. Jax did name her! Aime, he said, was pretty. And unique. And stupid too. (another incorrect quote). Aime said, meh, okay.

Though she did still start hanging around the crybaby and crazy bug-obsessed chess piece more. She loves how silly they are, and it's her beat. She doesn't really care for the others much. She thinks Ragatha's a tryhard, and flirts with Zooble. Zooble's her flirt target because they're so difficult to get to. And Aime occasionally likes talking to Bubble about weird little things :3

So, Aime doesn't like Pomni. She hates Pomni. Boo, Pomni, she says. Aime is mostly just jealous that she isn't the newbie anymore. All the attention is diverted to Pomni instead. Aime is the 2nd newest character besides Pomni, and even though it's been a whole year since she got there when the newbie shows up, she's still pretty jelly. On top of the fact Pomni is obsessed with the exit, which is what Aime's against.

Aime's whole trauma-fear-thing was what I was talking about before. About leaving and losing everyone and being a whole new her. Don't think that needs too much elaborating.

Aime is based off of a puppet for lore reasons. But she also changed up her appearance a bit like Zooble every episode.

P.S: Aime is tall! Like, Jax tall! But an inch shorter.

(This all may be edited later but for now I'm wiped out and tired, heh.)

Episode 1: Appeared as hostile towards Pomni, tense when exit is mentioned. She goes down with Kinger and Gangle after Zooble and acts overly dramatic upon it. This is also because she has a feeling Kaufmo abstracted and is truly too afraid to face it. Once Kaufmo comes down to where they are, Aime’s eyes widens as Jax mentions it’s Kaufmo. She seems vulnerable for a minute before glaring at Jax. Jax only gives her a look, offering no sense of comfort.

Episode 2: Aime’s hostility grows more this time. She starts off in Pomni’s dream as one of the evil shadows. She fakes sad and whines the whole episode at the fact Zooble is ditching again. At the kingdom, she notices Caine in their leader and declares herself the righteous queen through a series of technicalities and being Caine’s “daughter”. She is crowned and goes on to help the others anyways. She rides in the backseats of the truck and is the one who throws Pomni out the window. In this episode, Aime and Jax are a lot more close and sinister against Pomni. When Gummigoo’s ‘poofed’, Aime’s expression softens as she sees how much Pomni cared about him. She knew what it was like to just suddenly loose someone right as you finally had them. Later when Kaufmo’s funeral is announced, Aime walks off pretending to be too busy looking for Zooble. Eventually she interrupts and says something very short and leaves a locket there.

Episode 3: Aime’s hair is down this episode from being underwater. When holding her breath, Aime’s clothes and hair switch colors and she sprouts a flower on her head. She stays behind on this trip, latched to Zooble. She tells Zooble about everything- why she likes the adventures, the circus, and bothers with Caine (an awkward sweet moment). Zooble listen and tells Aime that she can be Aime around them as she makes a move and holds her hand. Aime is happy for that, and goes on to act like the sweet girl she used to be only around Zooble. They have a new sense of trust. At the end, Aime sees an opportunity to big Pomni. She hesitates and makes eye contact with Zooble. She smiles, winks, and leaves Pomni alone,

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

RULES!!! I'm good with fanart. In fact, I'd very much love it! But again, no pressure eheheh...! /lol. NSFW? Nahhh...doubt anyone will get up to that with Aime but I suppose? Just keep it respectful, please.

OC is 100 percent originally mine, any use of her please do credit me.

I think that's pretty much it though! Just please don't steal, I trust you all :]

But THANK YOU, for reading this through, sorry it was a bit longer. See you all next time!!!

-AimeDigital

[P.S- do feel free to ask me anything in the ask box! Makes me feel appreciated, so don't be shy!]

[margridarnauds]

💕, 💭 and 💛 for the fic writer asks?

💕 What is your favorite fic that you’ve written?

That's a tough one, honestly! There are some fics of mine that I think are technically better than others, some that are more meaningful in other ways. Sometimes, a fic of mine will get a better reception than I anticipated, but it's almost never the ones that I put my heart and soul into. Sometimes, I revisit a fic years later and I'm proud of what I did, sometimes, I never look at it again.

I would say...possibly Metempsychosis. Mainly because, imo, it has some really good writing from me in it, but also because it's a deeply, deeply personal fic. Nannerl's story became really important to me, both the tragic side of it (which is what almost ALL writing about Nannerl focuses on), and the happy moments. This is a woman who's lost everything at various points in her life, but she still finds a way through. And that's a lot more important to me than the common narrative of Mozart's Tragic Sister.

It was also coming at a very good time for me -- I go into the background to it in the author's note, as far as it being written when I had gone about 28 hours without sleep, for a fandom event that ultimately never happened five years before, I'd had a ~five hour bus ride, and I was facing a long plane flight back to the States, but what I don't talk about is that it was written at the tail end (...well. not quite the tail end) of a very long depressive episode that had been ongoing since 2021, when I joined my department and other things happened. I had been left feeling like there was nothing I could contribute, I'd never be able to write again like I used to, I couldn't make or keep friends long term, that I was inherently unlikable and the only thing that I could contribute was my content creation (and even that was going by the wayside, since my program made it impossible for me to write or publish as consistently as I used to and I felt like the quality of my most recent fics wasn't living up to the quality of my earlier fics...which, tbh, I still believe to some extent), that I owed everyone an apology for not being able to do anything because they deserved more, especially when I had so many WIPs that were likely never going to get published.

It was, quite possibly, the lowest low of my life up to that point, and that's including the year of Hell in middle school when I was bullied non-stop.

And then, in some random gate in Heathrow Airport, I hand-wrote out the skeleton of a fic. One that I thought was never going to get written. For a fandom I'd never written for before. Edited it, did some adjustments, and published it shortly afterwards.

💭 What inspires you and your writing?

Oh, interesting.

I take bits and pieces from everywhere -- paintings, sometimes. Classics. Operas. Museums. Folklore motifs. (Never Campbell's monomyth, on the record.) The last few years have made me somewhat solitary and reclusive in a fandom context -- I don't join Discord servers often and, when I get super into a given ship, I usually don't even read fanfic consistently, mainly out of a fear of being influenced or accidentally copying. (Re: the latter, I'm a purist in the sense that I really like to develop my own take on characters' dynamics with one another, and I can't always do that if I'm in a fandom environment where headcanons quickly become canon. Re: the former...well. Too much of a fear of things going wrong. I said that it was ALMOST the tail end of my depressive episode, not quite the tail end yet.) I talk with friends, I get deep into the source material, and I see what I can try to pull out.

Sometimes, for my historically relevant fanfics, I'll read about something that happened in history and go "Oh, that's interesting" and make a note of it, or read a fact in some book or another. I might watch a musical or read something and think that there's a gap that needs to be filled and I'll try to fill it.

💛 What is the most impactful lesson you’ve learned about writing?

I suppose it's always striking to see the full RANGE of what is most impactful to people, what people are drawn to. Even the fics that I think are flops for various reasons usually have at least SOMEONE to like them, even if that person isn't always me.

Another, and it was hard-earned, was that rules don't really matter. When I was a teenager, I was bored out of my skull hearing every single bit of writing advice I got, even into a creative writing class in college, saying "write like Hemingway write like Hemingway write like Hemingway" when my natural style has ALWAYS been more 19th Century Gothic Romance Writer Getting Paid By the Word. It was stifling. And it wasn't necessarily bad ADVICE, it was badly GIVEN advice, because it was treated as an absolute. As I got older and started to work on writing more, I gradually realized that, fine, you should be careful of word count, but I also then proceeded to toss that bit of advice out, never paid attention to it again, and never bothered with it. I sometimes seek out writing advice now for scenes that I find technically confusing (battle and sex scenes in particular), I still am constantly trying to improve my style, but I don't care as much about making my writing follow a list of rules for what Good Writing Looks Like.

[feralmoonlight]

HEY HI IT’S ME

A Creature. An Absolute Gremlin. Approach with caution.

A more current list of my au projects(a work in progress) and my art without 30k ish reblogs sprinkled between them can be found at @feralssinbin

Welcome to my little hole on this glorious hell site. My ask box is always open for questions, pokes, suggestions/requests, or a fun little AU ask game where you throw me a bone(idea?Scenario?quote?Something?) and I unleash a wave of rambling at you in return as my brain runs wild with ideas :D Rude asks will be laughed at and consumed like the most delectable treats >:3

I am... Honestly super proud to have ended up as part of the DCA Fandom (and now FNaF by extention??? I avoided it like the plague for so long and now here I am lmao). The people here are so warm and welcoming and absolutely full of the kind of crack that makes me grin and I love you all! My ‘day job’ is pretty much doing furry art commissions and helping take care of my grandmother, but my free time and fun time is spent here, simping in the daycare and showering people with the little fragments of my soul that still exist in the form of scribbled art and drabbles of writing <3

As a heads up, I live in the Sin Bin, and while I will try to tag anything overly suggestive/nsfw leaning, I am also a complete space cadet and my judgement on that kind of stuff is horribly skewed on what’s safe and what’s naughty(see day job. my sense of shame is like wet tissue paper lmao)

Art Stuff~  #Feral Scribbles (I DONT KNOW WHY THE LINK KEEPS BREAKING i keep copypasting it from the address bar but it’s being dumb)

My AO3~ and also my writing tag #Feral Writes for various bits and pieces that don’t make it to AO3

Unorganized Tagging and current projects list Under the Cut

BELOW IS SORTA OUTDATED. MOST RECENT AU HEADCOUNT IS HERE.

Various AU tags will appear somewhere once they exist

Pirate AU that needs a name eventually~ New name is too long for a decent tag sooo yea (also name may change) - You and Me and the Devil Makes Three

Forgotten But Not Gone the abandoned daycare AU thing

VampireWerewolf AU Uh... yeah what it sounds like hehehehe

AU Hoard various AU things that just... exist? or the start of AU ideas that get tags later

*

And some more shit I need to organize and merge with above~ BUT these are some(most) of the things I’m working on for writing currently!

Forgotten But Not Gone - 10 year old abandoned daycare with  one very lonely and unhinged isolated animatronic Fazbear Ent didn’t bother to pick up.

You, and Me, and the Devil Makes Three - PIRATE AU where reader is a dock hand that accidentally gets loaded as cargo on a pirate ship and now they’re a stow away. The captain’s aren’t thrilled

First Night Jitters - Boy, isn’t it a great idea to schedule the new hire’s first shift at closing time. When the lights go out. And the repurposed security detail is bored?

Dangerous Haven - Its hurricane season and your dumb ass was out in the storm(supposedly for good reason) gets hurt, and seeks safety by breaking into the pizzaplex when the powers gone out. Thank goodness the animatronics have an emergency override protocol in times like these, right?

Sometimes It’s Worth The Risk - You like robots. No. You REALLY like robots. And you just got an acceptance email you get to start working at the most technologically advanced pizza joint in the country. Jackpot. Time to woo the lanky boys, if only they understood why you were being ‘so weird’. (Surprise, they do)

Bite You Once, Bite You Twice - Vampire/Werewolf AU. SO. Sunny is a vampire, right? Well, he’s also a werewolf, because sure why not, and that side of him manifests as Moon (same entity, very different personality shift), and YOU are the new neighbor that doesn’t want to be here, but taking a job from him to help keep his yard tidy is at least something until you get a real job. What’s that? Lemonade? Sure I’ll step into your parlor mysterious friendly stranger. Wait why am I sleepy…

Once Upon Some BULLSHIT( >:C Language!) - A Choose Your Own Adventure style starting point that’s been backburnered for above projects that will basically be ‘commenters choice’ on what to do next, cause these are always fun to do between things, but this might also get scrapped BECAUSE I keep getting bigger ideas and this is a very side project thing.

Hands On Experience - Self indulgent drivel from me of the newbie finding out that the boys are just very touchy. No real plot, just some hands on time with the guys at various points of your employment. Some sweet, some awkward, some steamy, some uncomfortable. Look. I’ve figured out what this fandom is about with them and… Let me have this XD

The Doordash AU (title pending) - STAY AT HOME RECLUSE ARTIST ORDERS FOOD AND IT’S DELIVERED BY A FRIENDLY SUN ANIMATRONIC. Friendship. Angst. Romance? Bromance? I promise there is plot here, I rambled about it, the crack turned into a serious thing, why does this keep happening.

Strings, and Stripes, and Stars - AYO Red string of fate is playing mind games and you are more than confused about this pull that keeps yanking you around to a place of your nightmares. You have always hated big bulky costumes, mascots, those weird uncanny animatronics you see at themeparks and shitty kids restaurants. They make you uncomfortable on a level that borders into phobia territory. SO WHY do you keep ending up losing your mind and walking through the doors of THE MOST UNCOMFORTABLE example of EVERYTHING you hate? Oh sweet fuck why are they so tall…

Let The Current Flow Under the Horizon(renamed, might get renamed again)- Self indulgent Mermaid AU that has fleeting bits and pieces of ideas and no real plot yet so check back on this one in like, a bit…The only thing I know for sure is I think I am going to make this one uh, naughty cause there’s so few decent nsfw mermaid fics out there. Team Monster Fucker, where you at? Tastefully, of course!

Face Value - Human disguise AU maybe? Maybe?? >w>; Not sure if developed enough to write yet but… There are many ideas that need to be sorted.

[roonyxx]

Stinky

Summary: After you’re covered in all kinds of dirty gunk from the hunt. Dean is happy to help you out in the shower.

Warnings: language, fluff, ghoul puke, smut

Pairing: Dean x reader

Wordcount:1686

A/N:  This was written for my beautiful and amazing wife @jay-and-dean​. She recently hit her 3K milestone and I couldn’t be more proud! So for Jay’s 3K celebration I chose Donna as my extra character and the prompt “I took 3 showers, the smell isn’t gone”. I hope you like it!

A/N 2: The text divider is from the very talented @talesmaniac89​

My Masterlist

With a towel wrapped around your hair you enter the warroom where Dean and Donna are currently drinking a beer.

“There she is!” Dean smiles as you come closer to the illuminated table and take the towel off.

An action that makes both hunters scrunch their nose.

“Jesus Y/n. Are you even using soap?” Dean says while waving his hand in front of his nose.

“Honestly, I never knew a ghoul could puke” Donna speaks up “I mean they stink in general, but this is a whole other level of stink.”

“I know!” you grunt and slump down in one of the chairs “I took 3 showers, the smell isn’t gone” you take a piece of your hair in your hand and smell it, “I will never smell good again. I’ll be known as ghoul puke girl forever” you pout and cross your arms while Dean is pouring out a drink for you.

“Did you try tomato juice?” Donna wonders “Or milk?”

“I tried” you sit up straight and hold out your hand so you can count on your fingers “dish soap, tomato juice, milk, baking soda, Sam’s soap, Dean’s soap, a mix of those two and coke”

“How is your hair still attached to your head after all that?” Dean wonders as he looked at your long hair.

“I have no idea but the coke did make it super soft” you shrug and take a sip of the whiskey Dean had poured out for you.

“I could always help you out in the shower” Dean wiggles his eyebrows at you.

You can’t help the blush that crawls over your cheeks at the thought of sharing a shower with the one and only Dean Winchester.

His wet skin gliding against yours, his hands touching you everywhere. Your lips would connect with his pecks, letting your tongue track a trail towards his sensitive nipples. Your fingers would dig into the soft flesh of his sides, moving them down to trail that little line of hair that goes from his belly button straight to his co-

A kick to your shin from Donna is what breaks you out of your wet daydream. She gives you a pointed glare and tilts her head slightly towards Dean.

She is the only one that knows about your crush on Dean, you often vent to her about how unbearable it can be to live with him. Especially on days when you bump into him when he’s fresh out of the shower. With a towel wrapped so low around his waist it would make a whore blush.

You could swear he did it on purpose.

“In your dreams, Winchester” you scoff.

“Oh yes” he wiggles his eyebrows even harder “definitely in my dreams, sweetheart”

You roll your eyes but internally you’re screaming. Dean has always flirted a lot with you, but he is a flirty person in general so you never took it serious.

“Sure. You want another drink, Do?” you ask your best friend.

“Nah, I should be heading back, I promised Claire I would help her with a vamp hunt.”

“Oh yeah, of course. Well thank you for filling in for Sam. You really helped us out” you get up and hug Donna.

“Always happy to help the Winchester and co” she smiles at you.

“We really appreciate it D-train” Dean gets up too and hugs her goodbye.

You go up the stairs with her and let her out of the big metal door. Securely locking it behind her.

“You’re up for a movie night tonight?” Dean asks as you reach the bottom of the stairs.

“Well it depends on whether you can bare the stench of me”

Dean steps closer to you, really close, he leans down and inhales your smell. He tries to suppress the disgusted frown on his face but it’s not possible.

“Oh god it’s still horrible” he half gags,  “come on” he grabs your hand and pulls you towards the bathroom.

“Dean I showered three times already, a fourth time won’t change it” you sigh.

“Did you shower with hot water?” he asks.

“Well yes, I hate cold showers”

“You have to wash with cold water, when you use hot your pores on your head open and the stink gets inside them. Orange juice works well too. Undress and get back in. I’ll bring the orange juice.” He’s out of the bathroom before you can argue with him.

You take off your clothes and get back in the shower. Turning on the water and setting it on a cool temperature.

“Stupid ghoul” you mutter when you stand under the cold spray.

You figured Dean would put the juice by the door, so when you heard it open and close again, you step out to take it.

You freeze in your tracks when you make eye contact with certain green orbs that quickly start to wander all over your naked, wet skin.

“DEAN! What the fuck!” you scream and try to cover up as best as you can.

“I…” he stands there frozen, with his mouth gaping like a fish on dry land, he is holding the juice bottle but his mind is unavailable.

He has often imagined you, how you would look under all those layers but his imagination did no right to you, you’re gorgeous and he’s completely stunned by your beauty.

“Dean! Stop looking!” you scream again as you jump back in the shower to hide, another screech coming from you when your back comes in contact with the cold water.

“I-I’m sorry. I- I came to bring the juice” he stutters.

“Why did you get inside! Just put it down and go!”

You don’t hear an answer, nor do you hear the door. Meaning he was still inside.

“Dean! Le-“ your sentence is cut short when he enters the shower, naked and his cock bouncing with every movement. He’s hard and big and red and oh my god…

“W-“ you look up from his impressive length to his face.

“I said I would help you out with your hair” he says with a smirk “Unless you want me to help with something else?” he steps closer to you until your back is pressed against the shower wall.

“Dean I-“ You don’t know what to say. You’re completely overwhelmed by him “what a-are you doing”

He cages you in between his arms and leans closer, his lips brush yours.

“Isn’t it obvious?” his voice drops lower. You love how his timbre trembles through your body. It sets you on fire and makes your core fluttering around nothing in anticipation.

“I want you” he growls before his lips crash onto yours.

His hand grasp the back of your thighs and wraps them around his waist. He pushes you against the tile wall of the shower, the cold water cascading over your naked bodies and it’s not enough to put out the fire that’s burning deep in your core.

His hard cock is rubbing against your folds, his hands are squeezing the flesh of your thighs and his tongue is exploring your mouth.

You’re clinging to his shoulders, lifting yourself up a little to rub yourself more on his cock. His lips trail down your neck and you arch your head back to give him more room to work. His lips leave sinful marks on your skin, it makes your core clench around nothing.

“Dean fuck me, now” you grunt, tired of his teasing.

“As you wish sweetheart” he lets one of your legs go to grasp his cock and puts it at your entrance.

When his tip is inside, he lets his cock go to grab your chin. He’s looking deep into your eyes, making you drown in them. You’re both panting heavily, your boobs pressing more into him with each breath.

He gives you a smirk and buries himself in one hard thrust completely inside you. Your walls struggle a little to accommodate to his size.

“Fuck!” you let your head drop back against the wall and feel his lips traveling down your chest to kiss and lick your boobs. He starts trusting deep inside you when he sucks your nipple into his mouth, moaning around the sensitive nub.

He’s pounding hard and fast, making your ass bounce against the wall. The burning stretch of his cock is like gasoline of the fire of your core.

“Yes Dean!” your hand fists his hair and tugs hard at it, making him bite down on your nipple.

Your legs wrap tighter around him the closer you get to your sweet release.

“I-I’m close” you pant, you move your head forward and kiss his neck, sucking your mark on him. Because you want him to be yours, you want the world to know you put your mark on him.

“Clench my cock baby” he growls in your ears and picks up the pace.

His cock is rubbing all the good spots deep inside you in the most delicious way, it’s not long until you fall apart.

“Fuck Dean!” your nails dig into his shoulders when you come, your walls clenching hard around his cock, milking him for everything he has.

“Yes Y/n FUCK!” with a final hard thrust, his cock twitches inside of you, coating your walls with his cum.

You hold him close when you come down from your high. You’re shivering in his arms because of the cold water. He reaches out and turns it to warm, making you sigh.

He cups your cheek and tilts your head to him to kiss you very gently. A stark contrast from pounding into you, just before. Slowly he lets you back on the floor so you’re standing on your own again.

He suddenly breaks the kiss and takes a step back with a smile.

“If you ever need my help again, you know where to find me”  and with that he steps out of the shower and leaves the bathroom.

You’re blinking rapidly, standing on your wobbly legs. Not really believing what just happened. But the soreness between your thighs is the evidence that it did happen.

Feedback is my fuel or buy me a coffee :D

[vyeoh]

this is your chance: wax poetic about an Empires or DSMP character of your choice to a fan who is new to both. Explain why I should love them. I need guidance in this new and meme-populated land.

okok this is a lot of pressure haha. Spoilers for EmpiresSMP and DreamSMP below, obviously. I wrote a lot so prepare yourself, anon

I watch a lot of empires POVs but the ones I most anticipate every week are Scott and Sausage.

c!Scott (I'll call him Smajor for the sake of simplicity) starts off the series chilling, not really getting involved with the rest of the server, and staying aggressively neutral. After all, he's an elf. He has lived far longer than most of the other rulers already, and will most likely outlive them for many years. So, the best thing is to stick to his mountains and not get invested in the dealings of mortal affairs, maybe sometimes causing problems on purpose and dipping because what's life without a little spice right.

But then, this demon comes to the server, Xornoth. He's going around causing havoc and wants to send the world into an eternal winter, but he doesn't bother the kingdom of Rivendell much so Smajor stays tentatively cautious but ultimately unbothered. But then, the puzzle pieces start falling together. The first thing that the audience noticed was was Xornoth sounded like Smajor, but we mostly thought that this was just due to cc!Scott voicing both of them and there was nothing more to it. However, then, the people the demon starts possessing start chanting in elvish. The demon hates mortals, and the elves are conveniently one of the two confirmed not fully mortal races in Empires.

This culminates when Smajor stumbles across a cave that contains the backstory of the patron god of Rivendell, Aeor. Basically, there's two opposing forces, Aeor and Exor, and both have a champion. In a previous life, those champions were two brothers, where Aeor eventually prevailed and banished Exor. In this life though, the champions are - you guessed it - Smajor, and the demon Xornoth.

So now Smajor is like. Well fuck. It's my literal god-given destiny to be responsible for defeating this demon who is technically my brother, and if I fail the server gets plunged into an eternal winter. And I have no fucking clue what is happening because I've just been here on this mountain actively trying to stay out of the issues outside my kingdom. We watch him panic and teeter on the verge of spiraling for an entire episode, and when the followers of Xornoth go to the End to kill the dragon, releasing Xornoth's full powers, he fails to stop him. Smajor is a character who was used to being the smart one, the prepared one, the one who has the least deaths on the server. But he's also a character who runs away from his problems and ignores them. Before and during the dragon fight, we hear the desperation in his voice, as he's thrown into a situation he is wholly unprepared for, and it's bigger than him going to the Cod Empire to kill their king, or assisting in other people's plans to kill the codfather. He can't run from this. cc!Scott plays this scene so well as well, as I've said before, one of the best parts of Scott's acting is how he's never super dramatic, but he's so effective in the little things like inflection to make you feel, viscerally, the panic and dread.

So after the dragon fight, Smajor realizes, I can't do this on my own. I've tried and failed. So he gets allies. We watch him, someone who has so strongly been an isolationist, learn the benefits of allies and watch him learn to trust others and watch him learn how to get that trust in return.

My favorite thing about Smajor's characterization is that he's an incompetent protagonist, but not in the way of the "plucky young adventurer". He's capable skill-wise, and fairly jaded and very pessimistic. However, his issue is that up until recently, he did not care about the rest of the server at all, and by the time he learned to, it was way too late.

Also, in 3rd Life, cc!Scott and cc!Jimmy were canonically married and they reference it sometimes in Empires. Like, Scott goes over to the Cod Empire every so often both in and out of character to kill and/or flirt with Jimmy, the ruler of the Cod Empire, which may develop as a secondary plot into the future who knows. So ty Scott for giving the gays what they want o7

Now onto Sausage: his is a story of Icarus, his hubris and ambition being his downfall. He's one of the two followers of Xornoth, who promised him endless power in exchange for his servitude. He started the series being eccentric, but not outright unhinged, but slowly gets more and more extreme as the series progresses, as he gets brought more and more to Xornoth's side.

One of the best parts of Sausage's character, in my opinion, is how his gradual corruption affects the people around him. Initially, he got into a conflict with the Cod Empire and was allied with two other people in the Witherrose alliance. They were allies, but also close friends. The fandom liked to joke that the three had sibling energy, and I'm pretty sure the ccs played to that even more lol.

It was painful to watch the other two members, Gem and fWhip, watch Sausage get corrupted right in front of them, and see them desperately clinging on to this old idea of Sausage in their head because if they faced the truth, it would mean that their friend was gone. Eventually, they do finally cut him out of the alliance, leading him to fully commit to the side of the demon. Sausage felt very clearly betrayed by this, and declared the remaining two Witherrose alliance members to be enemies.

He gets more and more possessed, and we even see the other Empires, his enemies even, slowly realize that something is very wrong with the ruler of Mythland. He starts doing more and more evil things, like killing people more, making sacrifices to the demon, and eventually helping to kill the dragon to free Xornoth. So things are good for Sausage, for a bit. He won, and is more powerful than ever. Then he finds out: he's going to die. Xornoth's possession is slowly killing his soul, and eventually, his body going to be fully taken over and he himself is going to be trapped in the spirit realm. So how do you react to this? Over the next few episodes, we watch Sausage struggle between "the demon is literally killing me" and "the demon has given me so much, and I love it", all while Xornoth takes over more and more of him. We hear him exclaim that "don't worry!! I'm still about 15% there!" while trying to downplay every time Xornoth completely takes over his body. We watch him willingly oppose anyone who is trying to end the thing that is killing him.

My favorite thing about Sausage is that he is undoubtedly evil and proud of it, but he's also undoubtedly human. If you like to watch evil characters go absolutely feral, he's the guy for you. He makes the deal with Xornoth in the beginning, knowing and fully embracing the evilness of the demon, but at the same time he knows what he's doing is detrimental to both himself and everyone around him, but he's gotten in way too deep at this point, and to be fair the demon has held up its end fo the bargain, right?

Also, I would be damned if I don't talk about cc!Sausage's editing. Every one of his videos is like a movie. The way he does camera angles and uses music is so skillful- every lore scene feels like something out of a high fantasy action saga (think: LotR). Every big lore event I always wait in anticipation for Sausage's ep because his editing truly takes lore to another level.

I'm just generally very excited to see where this series goes. Empires is such a good mix of talented builders and good lore. Part of the reason why the series is so immersive for me, beyond any other lore smp, is that they have the settings to back it up. There is a certain charm to the DreamSMP's objectively terrible builds (with a few exceptions) but in Empires, the settings help sell the plot so much.

Another part of why I love EmpiresSMP is how much the ccs are involved with the fan community. I'm sure you've seen the memes about Scott being on tumblr, and Sausage regularly goes through the EmpiresSMP fanart tag on Twitter and likes art, even ones not related to Mythland. Most of the ccs, in fact, have brought up tumblr content on stream at some point or another. Like, several ccs have said that they read tumblr lore theories and hcs and stuff and sometimes take inspiration from them. Fun fact: Rivendell's church was inspired by my pinned drawing; confirmed by Scott Smajor himself. It's just such a good cycle of ccs and fans being excited about each other.

As for DreamSMP, I'm gonna be honest here, the only person I really am invested in in Technoblade. I started watching when he joined the server, and he's the only person whose lore I keep up to date with.

Techno's fun to watch because he's like the Deadpool of DreamSMP. Virtually unkillable, very skilled and scary, but consistently cracks jokes and breaks the 4th wall during plot. His POV is just fun. Like, he does wild plans and gives speeches and some of the stuff that happens to him should be called deus ex machine if it wasn't for the fact that Technoblade is the one who's doing it, and all the stuff is grounded in the fact that cc!Techno is just that good at the game.

However, the fact that he rarely takes anything seriously makes the few times Techno is 100% serious so much more impactful. His whole character has a basis in being perceived as inhuman and being treated as such, and therefore in return trying to hide his humanity. So, when he shows that humanity, whether that's fear, anger, or genuine love for his friends, it really makes you go "oh shit."

Techno's often said not to have character development, but I'd argue that while he remains steadfast in his moral code, he develops leaps and bounds as a person. Like, at the beginning, he's brought onto the server to help Wilbur and Tommy overthrow a government; them knowing he's 1) an anarchist and 2) very very powerful. His character was more of a plot device at that point and was treated as such in the canon. Wilbur and Tommy straight-up lie to him about their plans to establish another government after they overthrow the current one, while he was led on to believe that they were abolishing all governments in the area. But he isn't a plot device. He's a person, as much as he only shows the terrifying, blood god side of himself.

After the establishment of New Lmanburg (the new government its a long story), his friend Phil joins. And for the first time, we see him be fully human with someone and we see someone treat him like a human. Like, we saw glimpses before, with Wilbur and Tommy in Pogtopia, but Phil is the first person we noticeably see he trusts 100%. Then Doomsday happens, and Techno essentially retires to the tundra. During this time, we see Techno learn to be more human, first with Ranboo, then Niki when he establishes the Syndicate. In fact, the two of them, along with Phil, canonically throw him a birthday party, which is a far cry from his treatment in Pogtopia.

Techno's development is one of a god learning to be human, and I just think he <3

[alliluyevas]

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Let’s spread the self-love ♥️

I'm sorry I took so long to respond to this!

I love America (her secret's safe with me) (Big Love) which is my most recent construction and one I'm very proud of! This is the third-longest thing I've ever written, I think the layering of three different overlapping perspectives was a level of narrative complexity I haven't really gone for before, in terms of both thematic layering and differentiating character voice, and it was a great exercise in world-building and flexing my Mormon fundamentalism research skills. My favorite fics are all the ones where I got to geek out and dig deep.

like the dawn you broke the dark (my whole world shook) (ASOIAF). The famed Lannister twins genderswap fic! This is definitely the most engagement anything I've written has gotten and the only one where I felt like I had a little bit of a fandom, which was a nice feeling! It's also the only one where I ever got hatemail over it, which wasn't so nice. I'm proud of this one: I don't tend to write AU fic and I have trouble with creating my own plots, which is why most of what I write tends to be character study more than plot-driven. This one had character study/reinterpretation moments but is also quite plotty which was nice to work on. Unfortunately, this is currently on hiatus, though I hope to finish it this summer: I have an outline for the final 2 chapters and about half a chapter written, but I'm having trouble putting the pieces together and I've been so busy with work. I hope to return to this someday and give it the ending it deserves!

all the lives we ever lived (and all the lives to be) (ASOIAF) this is my Theon endgame fic and I think it's one of the most beautifully written things I've ever created. It feels very lyrical and heartfelt to me and I'm proud of that.

can you build an emerald city with these grains of sand? (can you give me something I can take home?) (The Sopranos) This was the first Sopranos fic I wrote and it might be my favorite, though I'm very proud of all three of them. I like doing flashback fics in general and examining younger versions of characters and I think I did a great job with creating Tony and Carmela's voices.

I can live today (if you give me tomorrow) (The Americans). This is my second longest thing, and I think I'm most proud of writing longer-form, more complex things. This is also comparatively plotty, also an AU (though less inherently divergent than the ASOIAF one) and also one I did a lot of historical research for. It was also super fun to write! And I finished it, lol.

[lordabovehelpme]

AHHHHHHH! I just read A Day at the Lake!🥺😭 I swear that was the cutest thing I’ve ever read!😭 I need to go reread it!

Other than thaaaat... if u make another part... what if it’s twins?! Like a boy and a girl bc Din would lose it and it would be so freaking adorable! Ahhhh! I have baby fever now thank u😂

Delivery Day- Din Djarin x Reader

A/n: Please, you can’t do this to me. I kinda went overboard but I hope you like it!!! I am so happy you liked Lazy day and a day at the lake. I had so much fun writing them! Also yes, baby fever is deadly! So your welcome for infecting you ;)

Amazing moodboard by @jedi-jesi I love this one!!!!

Warnings: Pregnancy, birth, and children 

This is the third part to my Lazy day fic. You can find part one here and part two here. :)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You twist and turn in front of the mirror. A frown is plastered on your face as your hands trail over your swollen stomach.

“Din, do I look bigger than usual?”

The mandalorian looks up from where he was cleaning his blaster. His helmet tilts and soon he arises from his seat. Two large hands press and rub over your taut skin. “Cyare, you’re pregnant.”

“Really? I didn’t notice.” Glaring at him through the mirror, you sigh, “No, I just feel like… I don’t know… bigger.”

His hands leave your stomach to quickly pull off his helmet and attach his lips to your neck. “Hmmm, well I think you look amazing.” The vibrations from his voice travel down your spine and send tingle throughout your body.

Smiling, you turn your head and press a kiss to his cheek. “Thanks love.”

“It’ll be alright, don’t worry.” Stopping his attack on your neck, he rests his chin on your head and peers down at your stomach. “I’m so excited for him to arrive.”

A loud laugh breaks from your lips at his certain belief of your unborn child being a boy.

***

Reeza, your daughter, has sat herself on the counter near the sink. She peers out the small window longingly at her father and her brother.

Din has decided that Myles, your firstborn son, is finally old enough to begin his mandalorian training. Most mornings are now spent with you, Reeza, and Grogu setting up breakfast while your husband and Myles will train outside.

“Mommy?”

“Yes dear?” You look up from your sizzling pan of vegetables.

“When do I get to start training? I want to be a warrior too.”

Sighing, you wipe your hands on the towel that was draped over your shoulder. Walking over to her, your hand cups her cheek and you press a kiss to the top of her head. “Well, it's up to your father, but probably next year.”

“Next year!” Her arms fly up into the air in distress and she buries her head in your chest. “I can’t wait that long.”

Looking down, your brush through her long brown hair. Both of your children are carbon copies of your husband. “Maybe if you ask nicely, Myles will tell you what exercises he does and you can copy them. Then maybe Daddy will notice and he’ll start you early.”

“Good idea Mommy!” She releases you and turns to carefully watch them again.

Smiling, you go back to your pan and add some species. “Ree, could you go tell them that breakfast is ready.” She nods and jumps off the counter, running outside the hatch.

You set five plates down on the small table, and walk over to Grogu who was focused on memorizing his metal ball. He looks up and coos at you, arms lifting into the universal sign for “up.” Frowning, you peer down at him.

“You know if I get down, there's no way I’m getting back up.” His arms lower and he walks over to his seat at the table, before pulling himself up onto the chair. He looks at you and babbles something. Shaking your head you jokingly wave a finger at him. “You just wanted to see if I would fall for your tricks, didn’t you.”

Before he can respond, arms are wrapped around your middle and a helmet is shoved into the crevice between your head and your shoulder. He chuckles at your soft squeak of surprise, “Smells good, mesh’la.”  Giving you one last slight squeeze, he releases you and sits down at the head of the table.

Smiling, you start dishing up three plates and setting them in front of your children. “Thanks Mommy.” “Thank you.” and “Gaa!” Reeza and Grogu sit next to each other while Myles sits across from them, your husband sits at the head and you sit at the other end.

Reaching for Din’s plate, he swats your hand away, “Go sit down, I’ve got it cyare.” Taking his helmet off and setting it on the floor next to his chair, he smiles and presses a kiss to your lips.

“Ewww, stop it!” Myles complains and Reeza makes a gagging sound, Grogu just giggles at them.

Breaking away you look at your children who all look disgusted. “How do you think you little rascals were made?”

“DIN!” You slap his chest with your towel and he just grins at you. Turning to your children, you exclaim, “Don’t listen to your father!”

“Mommy, what does Daddy mean?” Sweet little innocent Reeza asks.

Glaring at your husband you walk over and brush her hair away from her forehead, “You ask Daddy that in a few years, okay?” You can tell she is confused by the way her head tilts, mirroring the frequent habit of your husband perfectly. Albeit, she just nods and shoves another spoonful of vegetables into her mouth.

Sending Din one last glare, you sit down and start at your own plate. “Myles, stop playing with your brother. Eat your food.”

His head whips to meet your own, shock written all over his face that you caught him. Recently, Myles and Grogu have been playing the game of “levitating food.”  Myles will point at a specific piece of food and Grogu will try and lift it into his mouth. Pouting, he looks down at his plate and stabs an unsuspecting pepper.

Silence is a foreign term in the Djarin residence, and today is no different. As soon as everyone settles down, the child gives a hard kick to your ribs. A whine falls from your lips as your hand flies over your stomach. The mandalorian instantly is at your side, rubbing and massaging whatever skin his hands can reach.

“Sorry, they’re just kicking hard.” Giving your worried family an apologetic smile, you try and laugh it off.

Your husband’s eyes frantically watch your features, checking to see if you are in any pain. When he finds no signs, he places a hand over your stomach in a protective manner. Turning to his children he sighs, “Your mother and I have made a decision.”

All three children stop eating and look at him. They all look so serious. You have to bite back a smile at how they all sport the same serious face their father uses, even Grogu has started making the same expressions as his father.

“We’ve decided that we are going to travel and spend the next month and a half at the covert. That way the child will be born safely there and Myles you can get your first helmet.”

“I want a brother!” Myles shouts before the idea of his own helmet even processes.

“Not fair, you have Grogu. I want a sister!” Reeza sticks her tongue out at Myles.

“Wait!” Myles turns to his father, eyes as large as the moon. “I get my own helmet?” With a proud grin, your husband nods and Myles yells out in delight. “When are we leaving? Can we go now?”

Din turns to look at you and asks, “Well should we go now?”

You nod your head and everyone jumps into action. Reeza grabs plates and brings them to the sink. Din and Myles practically run to the cockpit and start the procedure for liftoff. Even though it’s only been seven months, your stomach has already surpassed the size of your last pregnancy. They do say that every pregnancy the child is bigger than the last, but this is alot bigger than you expected.

***

“Din? No way. How have you been? I haven’t seen you in years man.” Paz Vizsla envelopes your husband into a large hug and they both pat each other backs. They talk back and forth for a while before Paz finally sees you walking down the hatch. “I see you’ve been busy.” He throws your husband a glance before walking over to also hug you.

You stand at the base of the hatch, Grogu attached to your hip while Myles holds your other hand. Reeza, a tad shocked at the size of the man, hides behind your legs and clutches your skirt. “Fancy seeing you here.” You toss the familiar helmet a wide smile and he walks over to hug you.

“My my, Reeza you’re so big! Last time I saw you, you fit in the palm of my hand.” Still unsure of the warrior, she slowly makes her way from behind you. “And Myles, I heard you are coming for your helmet. I’m so proud of you.”

Your son smiles at Paz and lets the man pick him up. “Thanks, I’m super excited.”

“You should be, you’ve been the talk of the covert recently.” Din walks over to your side and Reeza runs over to him, wanting to be in her fathers arms. Picking her up, you all walk into the covert.

As soon as you make it through the doors, everyone is greeting you. Women coo at the large swell to your belly and the men pat Din on the back, your children have run off with the other covert children.

Shortly the armorer greets you, “Welcome back. Your room is ready, right next to the med bay.” She gives you a nod and goes back to her duties. It took awhile for her to warm up to you since you are not mandalorian. But as the years have gone on and the more children you produce, she seems to have now taken a liking to you.

The women pull you away from the main group to sit by the fire. “You look like you could pop any second! How far along are you?” Beti, one of your friends, asks.

“It’s only been a little over seven months.” All the women gasp in shock and hands fly over your stomach.

“No way, the baby is supposed to grow the most in the next couple months! You can’t grow much more.”

“I know!” Seeing Beti’s look of question, you sigh, “Yes, I’m sure it’s only been seven months.”

She throws her hands up in defense. “You know, Mirta was huge, about as big as you are, and she had twins.” Women nod and make sounds of agreement.

All the sudden, the dots start connecting. You thought you remembered less activity from your other pregnancies and now it makes sense. Your hand flies to cover your mouth that has hung open in shock. But your mind rejects the idea and you shake your head. “There’s no way.”

***

The bed dips as your husband crawls under the covers with you. “Hey handsome.”

He nuzzles up against you and presses a kiss to your shoulder. “Mmm cyar’ika.” You let out a giggle as his scruff tickles your neck. All at once, pain erupts from your stomach. “Cyare?”

“Din…” A pathetic wail falls from your lips and you roll off the bed, standing and clutching the edge of the bed for stability, “the baby.”

His features flood with panic before they fall back into his stoic facade. “Alright, let’s get you to the med bay.” Nodding, you grab his shirt and clench your teeth as another wave of pain passes through your body.

Your eyes widen when water runs down your thighs. “Din, my w-water-” A groan interrupts your own voice.  

He scoops you from your feet. “It’s okay, cyare, I’ve got you.” His voice soothes your nerves a little, but there is little you can do to a woman in labor.

As you enter the med bay, the doctor instantly starts informing you both on the procedure and plan however you can’t focus on what she’s saying. Din lays you down on the medical bed and moves to clutch your hand.

After many excruciating hours of pain and yelled curses you finally hear the wail of a child. You catch your breath as the doctor informs you that you’ve had a healthy baby boy. Handing your son to you, she nods before closing a curtain around you both.

Din rips his helmet from his head and instantly presses a kiss to your forehead and then to his new son. “Oh mesh’la.” His voice cracks with emotion and a tear falls onto his cheek.

But before you can respond another wave of pain travels through your body. “DIN!” Handing your son to him, you clutch the blanket. Instantly, he throws his helmet on and flings open the curtain to find the doctor.

“Somethings wrong!” You can hear the panic in his voice as he beckons her back to you. “This has never happened before. Please, help her.”

She takes a look at the spot between your legs before glancing at your husband. “She’s having another.”

“Kriff, another?!” You should have known, Beti told you so. A nurse walks over to Din and takes your son from his arms, needing to clean him.

“Alright cyare, you got it. I’m right here. Come on, cyar’ika.” You don’t miss the way he grimaces when you squeeze his hand.

After what seems like seconds and yet hours, another cry is heard and finally the pain subsides. Din gasps as he leans forward, trying to catch a glimpse of his child leaving your body. “Congratulations, you have a healthy baby girl.”

The nurse arrives back with your son, handing him to Din, and the doctor hands your daughter to you. Once again, she nods before closing the thick curtain.

Pressing a kiss to her head you peer up at your husband who hasn’t moved since the nurse offered him his son. He seems frozen, you’re not even sure he is breathing. “Din?”

It takes him a second to slowly turn his helmet to meet your gaze. One shaky hand lifts up his helmet, his eyes as wide as saucers and swirling with unshed tears. The helmet makes a loud bang as it falls from his grasp onto the floor. That same hand reaches over to your daughter and caresses her head. “They’re perfect.” A tear falls from his eyes, “Kriff, you’re perfect.”

He falls to his knees, but makes sure to keep his new son secure and safe. His head leans on your shoulder and finally all his tears fall. Loud sobs echo throughout the small enclosed space.

“I’m so happy.” The twins have both fallen asleep, one on your chest and the other in his embrace. He chokes on a tear before offering you a kiss, teardrops falling from his eyes to mix with the ones you are now shedding. “You’re amazing.”

One of your hands moves over to lightly trail over your son's figure. You meet his eyes and a loud cry breaks from your lips at the twinkles of love and softness in his.

“I love you.” He rests his forehead against yours and you both close your eyes. “You’re too good for me.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Next Part: Daylight

Okay so now I have the deadly case of baby fever. (because I obviously didnt have it before) 

Anyway, I had alot of fun writing this one and I hope you guys liked it!

Love you all, Lordy :) 

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Taglist: @ficthots @along-the-lines-of-space

If you want to be added to my taglist, just give me a holler! :) 

[rogerslovesstark]

Hi there! A huge fan 💜💙 I was wondering if your requests are open?

If yes, could you please write an angsty fic where in reader is dating Bucky and for some reason he belittles her and breaks off their relationship. After which eventually everyone on the team stops talking to her. She's forced to leave off on her own and struggles a lot. Later Bucky realises his mistake and tries to contact her but the old her is gone. Like she finds her own happiness. Sorry if it's too detailed☹️

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Fem!Reader

Word Count: 1.7k

WARNING: Angst

Your recruitment to the team was quick and very low-key. Almost no one knew that you had joined the Avengers because you requested Tony not to hold a press conference. You loved being an Avenger, the idea of helping people in need was so fulfilling.

However, the spotlight of being an Avenger was not pleasant. You did not know how Tony and Steve were able to handle it, the constant feeling of eyes on you, paparazzi almost always being on top of everything you do.

The few events you did go to, you stood with Bucky most of the time. He always kept you safe and comfortable while the party was booming. The two of you would walk around the venues Tony would rent out, looking at the architecture of the building, admiring the art that was around.

The conversation was kept minimal because there was already so much noise from the party. Both silently agreed that there was no need for extra noise.

It was the New Years Party two years ago where Bucky asked you if you wanted to slow dance. The Venue had multiple balconies and he chose the smallest one for the two of you to dance.

The two of you swayed to the soft music that could be heard from the party. Once the clock hit 12:00, Bucky leaned over and kissed you. You two began dating shortly after.

Every Sunday was a day for a date unless either of you had a mission. Every other week you planned a date for you and Bucky, walks in the park, restaurants, bars, everything you could think of.

You developed a dependency on Bucky. Always seeking his reassurance, seeking his comfort and touch. You felt as though you were not complete unless you were with Bucky. 

Your childhood was to blame, primarily your father. Physically, your dad was there but not emotionally. You never received emotional love from your father, the ‘I’m so proud of you’ or ‘you’re doing amazing’ Just a stiff nod.  

Being raised by your psychotic father was the reason you developed into the cold-hearted killer you were. From 16-19, you worked as a mercenary and killed for money.

You craved emotional validation from someone because you were so deprived of it when you were a child. You struggled to form relationships with others because of it too. That was one of the main reasons why you were not as close to the team.

Bucky would always smile at you, or kiss you when you were excited about something you would accomplish. On missions, he would always stay near you unless instructed otherwise by Steve. 

Bucky has been extremely off recently, always working with Steve, or working out with Sam, helping Wanda train her new abilities because it’s hard to kill a super-soldier than a normal human. 

He had missed five Sunday dates. Five of them. In those five weeks, you barely saw him and it was driving you crazy. You constantly would search for the time where the two of you could just be alone. You were so deprived of physical touch and emotional love, you began to fall into a depressive state. 

You walked towards the conference room, you asked Friday where Bucky was. She said he was in the conference room alone which is weird that she specified.

You opened the door and found Bucky just sitting on his phone. It was almost 10:30pm and he was just chilling in the conference room on his phone.

“Baby, I’ve been looking for you,” You said, walking over to him and running your hands along his broad and muscular shoulders. He was always so tense when he was sitting hunched over.

He shrugged you off his shoulders and turned to look at you. Not a soft, loving kind of look that a lover would typically give his lover; he gave a harsh glare as if you had done something to him. 

“God, you are so fucking annoying, you know that,” Bucky said. He grabbed that hand that was touching you and stood up from his chair. He let go of your hand rather quickly as soon as he stood from the chair. 

“I can’t fucking stand being around you Y/n, I don’t know why I ever asked you to be my fucking girlfriend,” He said, lowering his face closer to your face so the two of you were at eye level. 

Tears pooled in your eyes, every word he said was like a thin blade stabbing you in the stomach over and over again. You did not know what you did wrong, you had not even seen him in almost a week despite living with him.

“I’m sorry Bucky, I’ll be better, what can I do to be better, please,” You whispered, if your voice were any higher, you would being sobbing. 

Bucky just watched as you pathetically tried to hold your sobs in. You really were a weak woman and Bucky knew that. He knew that he held you in the palm of his hand and if he wanted to, he could break you.

He watched as your world crumbled around you because Bucky had decided to hurt you. Your hands were shaking and curled into fists. Your nose was turning red from holding back your tears.

“You are nothing without me, and I don’t want you anymore, so get the fuck out of my face and leave. No one on the team likes you, they would rather see you dead than ever have to see your horrific face ever again.” Bucky snarled, ready to see you burst into tears.

He knew that was the last straw.

You quickly turned around and left before you burst into tears. Bucky grabbed your arm and tried to turn you around, wanting to see you cry. You were forced to turn around, tears in your eyes pulling your hand back and smacking Bucky on his cheek. 

You left him dazed in the conference room. You ran to your shared room, collecting all your belongings. You had a small apartment in the heart of Montreal that no one knew about. You deliberately left off your information given to FRIDAY.

“FRIDAY, get rid of all information regarding Y/N L/N” You requested.

“Request denied, reasoning: unauthorized access to function,”

“Override denial, code Tony Stark has a fat ass” You rolled your eyes at the code Tony had told you to be used as a last resort code.

“Permission granted, removing all information regrading Y/N L/N,”

You grabbed a piece of paper on your desk, writing a short goodbye to Tony knowing he would wonder where you went. You quietly walk over to Tony’s office and placed it on the monitor he mainly used.

You left the compound shortly after, walking seven miles to the small car you planted in the forest. You prepared this as a last resort option. You never wanted to use this car but times were desperate and you had to get away from Bucky.

++++

You were struggling, barely able to figure out how to live on your own. The money you had saved from working for the Avengers was running low and the waitress job you did have has barely enough to pay the bills you had. 

Montreal was really expensive you ended up realizing, with such a horrible job, you sold your apartment and moved in with some college students in a small house. You shared a bedroom with one of the women in the house. 

Ashley, your roommate, actually found the job for you, she helped you changed your appearance and spotted your money whenever you were desperate for it.

You had no skill set for an actual job, the only skills you had were killing. And your skills had developed rapidly as an Avenger. You knew what you had to do to survive.

The first kill that you had was a child trafficker in Toronto. Ashley covered for you, saying you two would go to a spa for a girl's weekend. She stayed at the spa while you finished the job. You gave her 20% of the income made. 

You two had gotten close over the two years that you spent in the shared house. She was one of the only people that you trusted at this point. She suggested that you started therapy, which you decided to actually go to.

Your therapist wanted you to start realizing that you were more than who you surrounded yourself in. You deserved the love that you craved and you could only get it when you truly loved yourself.

++++

Bucky was laying in the bed the two of you shared. Two years had passed since he had driven you out of his life. He didn’t know why he did it, he was so upset because he saw you flirting with Tony. But Tony got engaged to Pepper only a few days later. 

After nine months of you being away, he started to crave your presence in his life. He asked FRIDAY where you were but she had no information on you. When FRIDAY said she had no information on you, he had one of the biggest meltdowns he ever experienced. 

You were officially gone from his life. Even with all the winter soldier experience of tracking people down, he couldn’t find you. Bucky knew that you were smart, you could hide in plain sight if you wanted to. 

It was in Toronto that he saw you again. Bucky’s whole world stopped after he saw you. You were so different now. Your hair was completely different from what he was used to, and you dressed differently too. 

It took him two months to finally get you to speak to him.

“What do you want Bucky?” The way you used to speak to him was so soft, now you were so cold towards him. Bucky’s stomach churned, almost nervous to respond to you.

“Y/n, please come back, I’m sorry for everything I have done to you, everything I said was a lie. I still love you” Bucky pleaded to you. 

“Bucky I’m not the same woman I used to be, you broke me, I was so broken and I was the only one who fixed me. You don’t get to come back after I learned how to not live with you.” You shouted at him.

Tears pooled in Bucky’s eye, he had lost the one person who had shown him, true love. The one person he wanted to protect for the rest of his life. He lost you, forever.