#and my parents are so fucking worried about my eating
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Visit Tumblr Blog
Explore Tumblr blogs with no restrictions, modern design and the best experience.
Last Seen Tumblr Blogs
Fun Fact
Tumblr Inc. has $15.1M in annual revenue.
Text
advice: bestiesolderbrother! simon <- masterlist simon "ghost" riley x reader
during the summer before sophomore year.
let's take a blast to the past, okay?
"So, when are you going back to college?" His voice flings from across the room, and it's like his timber is clawing up your back, you feel it at your neck. Simon's voice did so much to you, it was so different than all the other guys at your campus. So deep, provocative and protecting. He was only a few years older than you, and his sister. He didn't go to college like you two, but he was extremely smart. He came back from bootcamp earlier in the summer, and was staying at his parents house until he could find his own place.
Simon was the "problem child", always getting into trouble, never really knowing what was next with him. But he was so smart, street smart. You never felt more safe with a man's presence in your entire life. Your dad was never around, and your mom never really cared where you went off to. So you were always here, with your best friend and her older brother, and their parents. You did like being in their company, this was your second home, if need be. And sometimes you did need it. No, you didn't really need to be here for the comfort aspect, but when your mom locked you out of the house one too many times, you couldn't help but need to come to take a few showers and get some spare clothes from your best friend during the summer. Her parents were very understanding. Even if they didn't talk about it much, it was almost unspoken.
"I go back in like," You close your eyes as you tally up the days, feeling a bit overwhelmed at having to talk to this guy, "I'd say a month and a half."
This was going to be your sophomore year in college. Were you ready for school again? No. Did you want some new atmosphere? Yes. Were you missing your own dorm? Yes. You didn't have a roommate, thank the heavens.
It was really quiet in this part of town. And your best friend's got a new boyfriend so she's rarely ever home anymore, let alone when you guys go off to college. You barely see her at all. It's like you're living in her house, without her. But she said she would be back later tonight so you guys could go out to eat, maybe? That's if her man doesn't string along
But Simon was here a-lot of the time. And he was nice to you. Very respectful. Trying to make you feel as normal as possible. He tended to ask you many questions when you guys were alone, and you thought it was sweet. He just wanted you to be able to talk to someone. About anything.
"Excited?" He continues.
"Yeah, I am." You let out a laugh, you know your non-enthusiastic character was completely juxtaposing everything you were saying. "It's just school though, you know?"
Simon nods, and starts picking up a jacket, almost like he was following your movements. "You got a boyfriend that I need to know about?"
A boyfriend?
"No?" You say shortly. You weren't in the mood for guys, I guess. You begin pulling your shoes from the cubby, you always put them in the third box to the right. It was yours at this point. "Not at the moment, Si. Why are you asking?"
You begin to tie your shoes, bending down so you don't have to look at him at all. You don't know if you feel embarrassed, awkward, or just weirdly protected by his questions. He's quiet for awhile. "If you're anything like my sister, I want to give you some advice."
Advice. Please.
"Don't be like her, okay?" He starts off, and you fucking laugh. You fucking laugh, and he stops in his tracks. "What? I'm being serious."
"I am too. You don't have to worry about my decision-making. If that's what you're saying." You look up at him finally. So he's just trying to be that type of person right now. One thing you hated, was someone trying to give you "advice" on shit you didn't need help with. You were fine on your own and always had been. You didn't need anything. You didn't need a parent.
"No, no, not at all." He repeated, finally situating a jacket on his bulky body. "I'm just saying."
"What?" You want him to continue, but you don't know if he will.
"Just be careful." He stops, zips up his jacket and grabs his phone. You grab your keys and the bag you had brought. The next words he says are heavy to you, and slow, like he's trying to make you understand what he was trying to say. "You've grown up."
That heat crawls back, down to your palms and up your neck. He was acknowledging you. "I know, Simon."
You wanted to say something more about this, but the only thing happening was a weird, tight-lipped smile on your face. "I'll catch you later, ghost."
41 notes
·
View notes
Text
day idk at hostel: both roommates teamed up to make fun of me.
#oversharing on tumblr part unknown#i cannot fathom how people think this is okay to do#i eat more here than i did back at my home#she's threatening to call my mum and tie me to my bed and feed me#like brother i had 4 meals today what else the fuck do you want from me#then they proceed to joke about my meds and how they never need any because they're ''normal'' unlike me#well congratulations#would you like me to vomit on your face?#i try to explain how every individual has a different eating capacity#then go quiet mode#and they're like ''tumhe kharab laga kya🥺🥺?''#haa laga kya karoge abh?#pagal hai inlog kaha kaha se aa jate he#didi is still fine she knows her limits#but this bitch first year wali#chases me with spoons#like girl im an adult i can take care of myself#and my parents are so fucking worried about my eating#they have been for years#and now im actually getting better and she wants to ruin it for me?#like she has no fucking idea how better i am rn#i can not help if my def of better is her ''oh no bechara bachcha kuch nhi khata''#fuck you man#ah yes sorry bohot emo ban gaye aaj#anyways what else would you expect#tw eating issues#just incase idk what to tag this as#un dono ko sone do mai unke baalo me aag laga dunga#bitches wont even let me watch doctor who in peace
6 notes
·
View notes
Text
I just spent like 20 minutes thinking about soup
#i need to move out!!!!#i love my parents to be clear they're great#i just want to be in charge of my own meals again#it's not that they're bad at feeding me stuff i want to eat it's just we like different things#when it's just me i can make my soup however i want and no one's gonna say anything#Because It's My Soup#i can eat japanese chicken curry for a week straight! no one cares!#i just need to get better at eating vegetables#i want my own kitchen soooo baaad.....#my mom's sensitive to garlic. do you know how much recipes fuck if you add garlic? severely. and i can't if she's gonna eat it#i need my own kitchen so bad so so bad pleeaase#really hoping that i get my degree within like two months#and then i have to. urgh. find a job. but then i find a job and i go there#and i get Paid! money!#and once i have some money in the bank and a long term job i can try and get a flat#and once i have a flat i have my own kitchen i can order stuff online if i want and i can adopt a cat#i can have friends over i can decorate#and if i can swing it i'll be a civil servant#and if i'm lucky enough i can perhaps. give up the next 30 years of my life to a bank so i can own my own flat#god i hope. i fucking hope. i really really want to own#like not for landlord bullshit. just so i don't have to worry about where to go in a year two years five years#i want a civil servant job because that's for life and i would love to do the same thing forever#and i want to own a flat because i could make the space fit my needs and wants perfectly#and i wouldn't have to worry about where to live or old age or whatever#good luck to me finding a well situated 2 bedroom flat in one of the if not the worst city of france in terms of housing :)#but hey i've been lucky in life. maybe it'll keep going#i know what i want early! that's good#i shouldn't have a realisation that i want kids at 30yo or whatever. I Shall Not Become My Mom#ANYWAY i need my own kitchen!!!!!#wow i have a ramble tag now
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
had an amazing interview yesterday.... was told I'd know by Monday.... but it's alleged they DRUG TEST and I just bought 6 packs of weed edibles 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
#AND!!!!! AND!!!!!! IVE GOT THE HOUSE TO MYSELF FOR A SOLID WEEK!!!!!!!#i guess ill know monday if i can get high that night or tuesday but like.... i want to have one now lmao#like.... the paper i signed was more worried about being drunk on the jo#and OBVIOUSLY i wouldnt show up to my folder customer service job high off my ass..... but that thc can stay in your system for awhilw#i had one last nigbt tk celebrate the interview so idk if im even in the clear to begin with#and like.... i told them my start date would ve the 20th & im out of town vefore that so the goal is like.... they go to achedule#and we have to schedule it way out so i have time to like.....not worry & get my pee clean#like.... it wouldnt matter so much if my parents werent LEAVING this E N T I R E week... like.... this is MY vacatioj too!!!!!#and i just bought it after a horrid week 😭😭😭😭😭 worked my ass of it for it in order to relax this week#like#i know i shouldnt be dependent on it and im really trying not to ve#but the anti-anxiety relaxing of it all helps so much#and im reeeeeally not the biggest fan of drinking....i pee too much 😭😭😭😭😭 ironically 😭😭😭😭😭😭#like.... at this point.... its like..... do i care about getting this job more than i care about letting my brain and body relax this week#i always put myself first & listen to my heart & soul to dictate what to do#but my mind just keeps thinking about getting that failed drug test back and going back to the job hunt#but im still IN the job hi t#*hunt#AND HERES THE THING!!!! walking around that damn office.... seeing what people were wearing.....#its professional but i know damn well theres people in there smoking weed#like.... 25 of the 50 employees i saw showed up in casual loungepants these people are not prestigious#and like.... the paper i signed.... they didnt even edit to include the company name????#it kept saying “the Company will not like you to drink on the clock and assumes you will not get behind company vechiles drunk either”#like.... tooooootally understandable i just wanna eat some edibles before im an official employee of your folder business my loves#let me have a 50mg and zone out for the night while im finally free from all these losers..... PLEASE#anyways......personal problems that my brain needs to expel so it doesnt tumble all around for the next few houes#WHILE I DOORDASH 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 fuck me#like..... i got this interview through indeed ill just keep going till i cant if it fails
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
burgertron HATE ged prep . burgertron PILEDRIVE WHOEVER MADE IT SO THAT YOU HAVE TO TAKE 4 SEPARATE TESTS TO GET A PIECE OF PAPER THAT SAYS YOU DID IT into THE FUCKING DIRT!!!!!!!
#the captain's rambles#if you couldnt tell im having a bit of a rough time <:']#my mom is like “oh well youre Making it stressful it's gonna be okay” I HAVE TO FUCKING DO SHIT WITH VARIABLES#THIS SHIT WOULD BE STRESSFUL EVEN IF I *WASNT* ALREADY DREADING DOING IT#i HATE education i HATE SCHOOL i hate everything this STUPID SYSTEM STANDS FOR and most importantly I LOATHE VARIABLS#whoever put LETTERS ?? in MATH??? Die.#because now i have to fucking figure out what x and y are on a practice test#i dont even HATE math normally. in every other instance of math im actually okay w/ solving questions#ged math ??? is on some shit#FUCK geds man i hate it here . i wanna just fuck off and go do whatever and be productive with something i Actually Enjoy Doing#not having to sit here and do tests so i can get a piece of paper that does nothing but allow me to apply for a community college#<- a place i am EQUALLY unexcited for and dreading#miserable fucking books i have to do work in. and then i gotta do like 4 different equally fucking miserable tests for each subject#and then i have to pray to god i didnt fail and i got the minimum passing grade of AT LEAST 145 out of *200.*#im going to destroy Everything.#i dont want congratulations for doing this shit either because i didnt wanna do it IN THE FIRST PLACE !!!!!!#im only doing this because i HAVE TO to get my parents off my ass about it not because i WANNA#if it were up to me i'd be doing just art and collecting or other hobbies i ACTUALLY ENJOY and i wouldnt be worrying about academics#but we cant have nice things so now i have to stress abt this shit like a college student studying for midterms#rant over. im gonna go eat now . pray 4 me that i dont kill someone /lh
11 notes
·
View notes
Text
.
#like I’m sorry#I love my best friend so so so much and she’s perfect and kind and has gone above and beyond to be rational and to be there for me#and I get it she’s an autistic woman and has faced adversity and has had to go on medical leave and that’s hard#and I’m not being dismissive of her struggles#but it makes me so angry because her parents unconditionally love her and her siblings and have always made her feel that way#and has never worried about money as a kid#and yeah her relationship with her parents isn’t perfect of course#but she literally cannot understand domestic violence beyond just reading about it in a book#like she did everything she can to understand and relate#but sometimes I want to scream because I feel so alone#because no one in my life fucking understands why I’m the way I am#and I’ve been struggling the past two months really badly with coping#I’ve had to go to the doctor to ask about PTSD and not like the tik tok OWO kind#but the I was in a car crash as a kid with my dad as a drunk driver and I keep getting flashbacks in my daily life to being a small child#that are impacting by daily life and interactions#and like I feel so fucking alone#and to hear from my friends ‘your right this is horrible and toxic but lots of people go through this’ ISNT FUCKING HELPING#I don’t want to hear that it’s normal I want to feel fucking safe in my bedroom without my mother blowing up my phone or calling the cops#I am unwell and I’m so stressed and I’m so sick and I can’t cope with this and none of the therapists I’ve tried to find handle ptsd#especially not therapists of color#I’m angry and I’ve been getting worse over the past two months#and not that it matters but due to ^^^ reasons my birthday has always been insanely fucking bad for me#like depression watch bad. when I turned twenty I was vividly hallucinating while walking around campus for a week straight having#flashbacks in class and I had to be taken out of the auditorium because I was physically unwell and couldn’t stop crying and shaking#and I told my friend I didn’t want to celebrate I just wanted to sit on her couch and not be alone and she fucking ditched me#because an emergency with a different friend came up the night before#like I have a history of suicidal ideation traumatic flashbacks eating disorders and self harm and I’m asking you to be with me on a very#upsetting day and you call me the night before telling me we have to cancel because another friend is having a bigger crisis#and like you don’t even feel a little bad about it??#I’m just upset and scared and I’ve got a doctors appointment tomorrow and I’m not in reality right now and that’s scary
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
What’s the appropriate way for me to respond to customers handing me religious pamphlets/cards? I’m not worried about getting fired btw.
#sorenhoots#I was considering eating the pamphlet but that isn’t fun in practice. only theory#I considered crumpling it up and throwing it in their face but that might count as like. attacking lol.#like I have so much to say. maybe I should just vent at them about how Christianity left me broken and hopeless and [redacting details].#not for their benefit. just to drag them through my incredibly painful emotions. maybe to make them suffer with me. maybe just to vent#without worrying about how my vent will impact them.#the first one took his card back when I said no. the second left his pamphlet and the TONE he used when he told me to read it. THE TONE.#was like a parent telling a toddler to eat their vegetables. ‘we’ll give it a try. it’s good for you. it’s got good stuff in it’#god I wish I had facial recognition so I could refuse to check him out next time.#the first guy has a memorable appearance so I’ll never check him out again.#but that fucking second one. ohhhhh I was so mad. I went on break and went straight to the warehouse#to break down boxes for the bailer. exercise is very regulating for me! I felt much better afterwards#BUT I WANT TO SAY SOMETHING NEXT TIME. either funny. or scathing. or rude as all hell. or anything.#anything that will let me feel like I have some control over the situation. I can’t make them take back their pamphlet… well I could. lol.#Sir do NOT leave your trash here. I am not a trash can. you can throw it away down there#where our trash can is located.#anyways another guy tipped me $2 so that was real nice
16 notes
·
View notes
Text
Hey guys guess what!
I know this is going to shock you entirely but I think my family fucked me up a little, mentally, about a lot of important parts of daily life and I'm still learning where shit is coming from on a day to day - or sometimes hour by hour - basis!
#okay to reblog#if you so choose#was going into my habit of feeling like i have to hide that i'm getting food in the middle of the day#especially if it's not like ''food'' food and realized hey! there was a lot of shit in my time living with my parents that has just#super screwed me in the brain space because it is not normal to worry about someone else coming behind you#to catalog every crumb you take from the cabinet to berate you for eating ''too much''#and then expecting to be punished for *checks notes* consuming the minimum required daily caloric intake for a grown adult human being#like jesus fuck i know i was doing this when i lived alone too like#fucking hell#this is the first place i've lived where i've been told regularly and gently that i'm allowed to just eat and it's okay#i don't need to apologize for taking the last of something#i don't need to hide the evidence that i've eaten food outside of specific eating hours#i...i might have a super fucked up relationship with food tbh#tw disordered eating#i'm only discussing it in the tags but like might as well put that on there just in case
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
might be a little late now but i think ive discovered what i actually need to do for a new year's resolution: teaching myself not to be a perfectionist
i constantly keep thinking as im working on comms (especially with new clients) like "oh god i hope this looks ok i dont want to give them something they don't think is good enough" but it's like. clients actively kinda know what to expect, already, and my process is literally sketch > payment > finishing so they already know roughly what the finished product will look like, it's just a matter of time to make it happen and the things i deem as mistakes and do over 1000 times probably aren't even perceivable to viewers
#cyspeaks#i am just super stressed about a hundred things and it'sreally eating into time i could be using to draw#then that drawing time is spent overthinking things that no one but i will notice#then i get stressed out all over again bc i really need the money and taking so long isn't getting rent paid any faster#not to mention i REALLY need to visit a dentist and a doctor but have no insurance and no money#and it's not like my parents can let up on rent so i can build a buffer cause the rent is high here#and my dad alone isnt able to cover it + food because capitalism fucking sucks#anyway i need to sleep i think#way too in my own head rn and it's showing#if push comes to shove i may need to end up crowdsourcing funds so i can actually see a dentist at least#that's the main thing im worried abt rn
10 notes
·
View notes
Text
day 2 of what i call the redneck convention aka a family function
#it just so happens there's two events that call for a cookout--we never hang out two days in a row--usually i get a break of a few months--#so idk if i can handle it#not to mention my sister has work & my fave cousin brings her bf all the time & is busy talking with him#so it's just gonna be me & all these other family members i don't like ://#& okay let me say a thing#yesterday i was having a conversation with my sister--clearly a private conversation#& my weird aunt just literally barged in between us like 'what what are you guys up to huh what what'#& i just like nervously laughed & was like 'yeah we're just talking'#& then she just starts standing right next to me--like glued at the hip and literally says 'what if i just wanna stand right here--#next to you and just follow you around?'#& i just kinda nervously laughed & tried to shuffle away but she literally started following me around like that#& i know it's ridiculous but i could feel my fight or flight kick in because she was in my personal space & not listening to me#but all i did was kinda laugh again & say 'no thanks i gotta go wash my hands so i can eat--the food's almost ready'#& i had to say that like twice & then she actually got pissed & huffed before storming off#& then later in front of everyone she told my mom something like 'you need to correct your daughter's behavior she's very rude'#as if my mom could do anything#(like don't get me wrong my mom could say 'behave a certain way or we'll kick you out because you're an adult' but she's not gonna do that)#& my mom & dad were both just like '???' when i explained it because i didn't do anything rude--#like genuinely how The Fuck am i supposed to respond with some aunt getting into my space & refusing to leave even when i'm uncomfortable#my parents told me not to worry about it because she's just weird all the time (which i know) but because she's got nothing else going on--#in her life she'll probably still try to make drama out of that little interaction today#idk i might just gaslight her by pretending i don't remember what happened. gatekeep girlboss etc#& don't get me wrong i have complete sympathy for people who aren't good with social cues--i'm one of the most awkward people at these--#functions. but personal space is where i draw the line because you can't just get into someone's space & insist on being there even when--#they're clearly uncomfortable#sigh anyways these tags are so long. wish me luck ://#rose.txt
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
.
#Don't worry about me but I hate being alive so god damn much I'm so tired all the time I hate waking up and having to do tasks even the ones#I like#I hate that i have to eat and sleep and whatever the fuck else there is to do#I hate my parents for having me and that I have to live this life till I die I wish i had never started it at all#what is the point of doing anything at all
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
lol it’s actually so funny how i was like omg my 22nd champagne bday !!! 22 on the 22nd !!! it’s going to be great !!!! but it’s always awful and now i’m slightly drunk but in a bad way since i got drunk by myself and cried in the shower and now i have a headache the size of the former soviet union
#the only good thing was spending time with **** in the park but i couldn’t even enjoy it bc i had to be home early#and i was worried abt my family finding out but my family treated me like shit today so there was no reason to even worry so much and stress#myself out plus i barely ate and what i did eat was awful and my parents don’t care about me and the only present i got was from an aunt who#was incredibly passive aggressive to me#anyways fuck my life#i’m going to bed
1 note
·
View note
Text
Skypiea time part 2
She is a woman..... this is sanji's influence... in whiskey peak his slashes were non gendered
Ace just letting himself get pushed into the river like aight my bad I will take my punishment.... he really is so well mannered (it sounds like I'm talking about a dog)
Conis showing that nami influence.... gfs....
Nami and luffy twins moment look how relieved she is... this whole fight is so theirs...
Also how funny it is that the milk girl gave ace a shirt.... also new pants??? She must think he lost the shirt in the river.... no girl he is just a slut...
Nami: okay ❤️ yay ❤️
Noland just thinking about where karugara is and if he is alright in his EXECUTION!! SICK AND TWISTED
OMG BOUNDMAN INSPO????
NO ACEEE NOOOOOOOO
THE END OF ACES STORY IS THAT THE COFFE IS NO LONGER BITTER BC THEY SERVE IT WITH MILK AND WHY AM I EMOTIONAL ABOUT IT
#luffy carrying karugaras will to make cricket hear the bell tolling.... god.... but i think i missed why he knows there is a bell#luffy is smart idk if enel mentioned it or he connected the points between the ones cricket had#and right now i get my answers... damn you oda... cricket making sure he sends luffy where he wants to go so now luffy will get him the bel#nami and her waver are literally invincible... i miss it where did it go.... she and the waver and zeus could take down big mom i am seriou#robin watching the ruins be destroyed... if she could get her hands on enel i onow it would be gruesome#i just will never get over how the people just start praying to god to save them and luffy does like that is insane it is too early#did oda had nika in mind already (by old sketches he did) or some concept of it like what the hell chapter 297... and so explicit...#on the second read it really sticks out like damn.... foreshadowing and also a lot of lore starts here its amazing....#HE LITERALLY MAKES IT SUNNY AGAIN LIKE WHAT ARE WE DOING!!! HELLO???!!!#luffy doing like noland did and making god worthless... i mean different instances but the god the shandians praised was very much like ene#omnipresent and vengeful. have to keep him pleased if you dont want to suffer his wrath etc...#and then the god the people pray to save them is luffy (even if they dont know) which does good and asks for nothing in return.... yeah....#cricket was so worried about them omg.... crying and everything knowing they are alright and also made his life worth it like damn#now everyone comes back to life yeah yeah weve all seen it... only luffy knew a good party could end a 400 year territorial feud#you know the fact that netflix could use skypiea to make a insensitive tasteless two state solution reference with this makes my blood boil#<- very tangential but alos very real solution bc i do not trust them to be critical bellemere said stealing is bad. what next#robin learns about ancestdal weapons and says tss... whatever this isnt history jadhiansksns#so roger followed its guide?? so he was looking for the weapons too?? my axis mundis theory makes sense ajdianiskanao#nvm roger took the poneglyph with the history i guess... thats more boring..... roger took the info on the poneglyphs to laugh tale??? okay#THE COOKS ARE THE GIRLS PARENTS.... I THOUGHT IT WAS THE CAPTAINS DAUGHTER!!! OOOOHHH THAT IS EVEN BETTER THEY ENJOYED ACE EATING SO MUCH 😭#aokiji is the strongest man in the marine headquarters... so that was a fucking lie....#reading one piece
1 note
·
View note
Text
.
Ignore
#delete later#im so exhausted and stressed. theres such a lack of stability and its freaking me out SO much. im just constantly tense and waiting#for something terrible to happen. im starting to think that im not gonna get to go to the entomology thing ive been hoping#how i can't do things independently and i must have been forced into this abd rhen it'll get cruel towards my friends abd i cant#and my aunt is getting worse abd my parents are waiting for me to fail abd have to move bsck with them which i can't do bc#to go to for months bc ill probably need to use that time off for preparing to move. which sucks. ive been looking forward to it#i was letting myself get my hopes up and that was a mistake bc now im rly disappointed. im hoping i can go but honestly#idk if it'd be financially responsible. same with comic con. its in october so i can probably go but it might not be a financially#good idea. it just. the things i was counting on to be stable sources of joy are not stable anymore and that's making everything worse#and im tryinh to be positive but im so anxious. theres just so much. i need to think about packing and try to figure out#how im going to move 1-2 hours away. how am i going to coordinate with movers whilst having to get the train to meet them#im disabled and cabt help move things so only getting one person ro deliver worries me. movers arent insured to take ppl with them#theres just SO MUCH. And i can't view properties easily bc of work so im missing out on multiple places that ive been contacting#ppl about abd i couldnt line up enough for last week when i was off bc it was too short notice and i just. its TOO MUCH TOO MUCH#im overwhelmed. im trying to think of the food im gonna cook when im there ahd the armchair im gonna buy#im gonna eat so much fucking lamb and fish oh ny god im excited for THAT#i wany to just go for the shittiest place to at least have some stability and bc i still have yhat kernel of thought that i dont#deserve comfort but im trying to fight it bc i do. i deserve somewhere nice and its unfair on myself not to find somewhere nice#especially as ill be living alone. i cant go for places that have no natural light or are four stories up or are a mile away from the train#station bc that will wreck my mental health and i wont have ready access to socialising that can stabilise me. gotta be fair#to myself. but THATS PROVING REAL DIFFICULT#im doing good saving though so thats nice i guess. fuck me moving is expensive. moving when you've got zero kitchen supplies is#even more so. gonna be an Interesting first couple days in the new place.#it will be. very bad. they keep texting me asking about it and i have to be positive bc otherwise itll become a conversation about#field all that shit when im like this. i just cant. that requires so much fucking energy i dont have. and i wont move back#id frankly rather die. and trying to not say that and decline politely sucks. bc they get the look of#oh we're not good enough huh#and i can't field their fucking feelings. i either need a pause button or a fast forward. id take either one#so many of these tags ended up out of order whoops. but these arent meant to be read anyway#i just need to scream bc idk what else to do
0 notes
Note
are you and Ayesha planning on having kids? 🥺
nope never ever!
#my opinions on children are too much for tumblr to handle but yeah. don’t want them#have never wanted them#will never want them#the thought of being a mother makes me feel so panicked and sick and depressed#idk i’m the type of person who can’t be held too tightly without freaking out. i need space and i need to be able to do what i want#whenever i want to#ayesha grew up in poverty in pakistan like. eating paper when you’re hungry type of poverty. and i grew up poor / working class in america#and like. idk. i have strong opinions on that too but i won’t get into it here. we’ve just seen too much shit to ever want kids of our own#anyway the thought of having that kind of connection with another human being is terrifying and i don’t want it. my relationship with ayesha#is a choice that we both make#i can leave for work trips at any time without having to worry about her. i can go out. i can go camping. i can make last minute plans. etc#also i just don’t like them enough to have them!! i like playing with my friend’s babies for a few hours#and then giving them back like that’s truly enough for me#being a parent sounds awful. i wish more people would accept that they’re just having kids for the wrong reasons#just bc it’s something to do/you’re expected to have them#i’m also a millennial who can’t afford a house in any of the big cities i want to live in#i’d want to send my kids to private school. sorry but like. i’d want to give them everything i didn’t have and give them whatever edge i can#also school shootings and climate change and child predators. fucking TIKTOK. i can’t#ANYWAY sorry i don’t know when to shut up but like no. i don’t want children 😭#i don’t like them or enjoy being around them and i don’t want to sacrifice my time money autonomy for a child i don’t even want lmfao#i wonder if this is my grandma sending me this ask from beyond the grave#*** I DONT HATE CHILDREN *** i’m excited to have our future nieces and nephews visit and do fun stuff with them and teach them anarchy \m/#aish obviously feels the same about all of this and we’ve felt this way since we met#which is also why i knew i’d be w her forever 🥰
1 note
·
View note
Text
1 more day of this illness i hope
#it's day 4 of the illness i hate being stuck in bed i just want to draw!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#literally cannot believe like 4 days after the most crippling days of my period cycle hits i get genuinely unironically sick#so the past 10-ish days have had me writhing in bed in agony for like most of them#just woke up a few min ago i am getting better but FUCK i feel so bad constantly making my bf make me noodle soup but#with the way my throat is it's all i can eat really#also i'm stranded here cuz i gave my parents the illness so they can't come pick me up & i'm too sick to bus home so he's literally#forced to take care of me. poor thing </3#i woke up to his grandfather giving me his cough syrup because apparently i sound so bad he's worried and now i feel bad for making#everyone in this god damned apartment concerned about me#.txt#fuck this stupid baka life
0 notes