#and my distinct memory is correct

[boysnberriespie]

Always more impressed with childhood me than I am with current day me, and just remembering how at some point in middle school I read a children's bible front to back. It had a yellow slightly puffy cover, kind of like the Nancy Drew books, and the illustrations were... not meant for children. I distinctly remember an illustration of a mans decapitated head held aloft in front of a crowd.

[blujayonthewing]

well I just spent an hour digging through my own dnd notes and social media and also almost cried because I mentioned, in passing, something justin had said about one of his NPCs and he, completely lightheartedly, was like '?? I don't remember that at all. [I mean I'm not making it up?] I think you might be making it up 😏'

[bitchthefuck1]

Me in the hospital watching my heart very obviously pause ever few beats on the monitor while getting tested for a birth defect: omg this is just like that scene in twilight—

[thatlesbiancrow]

christmas 2018 i believe? I was obsessed with it since 2016ish? idk when exactly. maybe late 2015. I wasn't able to get it on desktop, so I got it the year it came out on switch! it was crazy to play it for the first time after being so obsessed with it for so long...

Feel free to reblog and talk in the tags about the first time you played!

[just-ornstein]

[JK]  My first job was as an Assistant Producer for a video game company called Interplay in Irvine, CA. I had recently graduated from Boston University's School of Fine Arts with an MFA in Directing (I started out as a theatre nerd), but also had some limited coding experience and a passion for computers. It didn't look like I'd be able to make a living directing plays, so I decided to combine entertainment and technology (before it was cool!) and pitched myself to Brian Fargo, Interplay's CEO. He gave me my first break. I packed up and moved out west, and I've been producing games ever since.

[JK] I loved my time at EA. I was there for almost a full decade, and learned a tremendous amount about game-making, and met the most talented and driven people, who I remain in touch with today. EA gave me many opportunities, and never stopped betting on me. I worked on The Sims for nearly 5 years, and then afterwards, I worked on console action games as part of the Visceral studio. I was the Creative Director for the 2007 game "The Simpsons", and was the Executive Producer and Creative Director for the 2009 game "Dante's Inferno".

[JK] I haven't played in a long while, but I do recall that after the game shipped, my wife and I played the retail version for some time -- we created ourselves, and experimented with having a baby ahead of the actual birth of our son (in 2007). Even though I'd been part of the development team, and understood deeply how the simulation worked, I was still continually surprised at how "real" our Sims felt, and how accurate their responses were to having a baby in the house. It really felt like "us"!

Now for some of the development and lore related questions:

[JK] So I ended up in the incredibly fortunate position of creating the shipping neighborhoods for The Sims 2, and recruiting a few teammates to help me as we went along. 

Around the same time, we started using the Buy/Build tools to make houses we could save, and also bring them into each new build of the game (correcting for any bugs and incompatibilities). With the import tool, we could load Sims into these houses. In time, this "vanguard QA" process turned into a creative endeavor to define the "saved state" of the neighborhoods we would actually end up shipping with the game.

On playtesting & the leftover sims data on various lots:

Basically, we were in the late stages of development, and the Save Game functionality wasn't quite working. In order to test the game properly, you really needed to have a lot of assets, and a lot of Sims with histories (as if you'd been playing them for weeks) to test out everything the game had to offer. So I started defining a set of characters in a spreadsheet, with all their tuning variables, and worked with engineering to create an importer, so that with each new build, I could essentially "load" a kind of massive saved game, and quickly start playing and testing. 

It was fairly organic, and as the game's functionality improved, so did our starter houses and families. 

The thought process behind the creation of the iconic three neighborhoods:

I would not say it was particularly planned out ahead of time. We knew we needed a few saved houses to ship with the game; Sims 1, after all, had the Goth house, and Bob Newbie's house. But there wasn't necessarily a clear direction for what the neighborhood would be for Sims 2. We needed the game to be far enough along, so that the neighborhood could be a proper showcase for all the features in the game. With each new feature that turned alpha, I had a new tool in my toolbox, and I could expand the houses and families I was working on. Once we had the multi-neighborhood functionality, I decided we would not just have 1 starter neighborhood, but 3. With the Aging feature, Memories, a few wacky objects, plus a huge catalog of architectural and decorative content, I felt we had enough material for 3 truly distinct neighborhoods. And we added a couple of people to what became the "Neighborhood Team" around that time.

Later, when we created Strangetown, and eventually Veronaville, I believe we went back and changed Pleasantville to Pleasantview... because I liked the alliteration of "Verona-Ville", and there was no sense in having two "villes". (To this day, by the way, I still don't know whether to capitalize the "V" -- this was hotly debated at the time!)

Pleasantview:

Anyway, to answer your question, we of course started with Pleasantview. As I recall, we were not quite committed to multiple neighborhoods at first, and I think it was called Pleasantville initially, which was kind of a nod to Simsville... but without calling it Simsville, which was a little too on the nose. (There had also been an ill-fated game in development at Maxis at the time, called SimsVille, which was cancelled.) It's been suggested that Pleasantville referred to the movie, but I don't think I ever saw that movie, and we just felt that Pleasantville kind of captured the feeling of the game, and the relaxing, simple, idyllic world of the Sims.

Pleasantview started as a place to capture the aging feature, which was all new to The Sims 2. We knew we had toddlers, teens, and elders to play with, so we started making families that reflected the various stages of family life: the single mom with 3 young kids, the parents with two teens, the old rich guy with two young gold-diggers, etc. We also had a much greater variety of ethnicity to play with than Sims 1, and we had all new variables like sexual orientation and memories. All these things made for rich fodder for a great diversity of families. Then, once we had family trees, and tombstones that carried the actual data for the dead Sims, the doors really blew open. We started asking ourselves, "What if Bella and Mortimer Goth could be characters in Sims 2, but aged 25 years? And what if Cassandra is grown up? And what if Bella is actually missing, and that could be a fun mystery hanging over the whole game?" And then finally the "Big Life Moments" went into the game -- like weddings and birthdays -- and we could sort of tee these up in the Save Game, so that they would happen within the first few minutes of playing the families. This served both as a tutorial for the features, but also a great story-telling device.

Anyway, it all just flowed from there, as we started creating connections between families, relationships, histories, family trees, and stories that we could weave into the game, using only the simulation features that were available to us. It was a really fun and creative time, and we wrote all of the lore of Sims 2 within a couple of months, and then just brought it to life in the game.

Strangetown:

Strangetown was kind of a no-brainer. We needed an alternate neighborhood for all the paranormal stuff the Sims was known for: alien abduction, male pregnancy, science experiments, ghosts, etc. We had the desert terrain, which created a nice contrast to the lush Pleasantville, and gave it an obvious Area 51 vibe.

The fact that Veronaville is the oldest file probably reflects the fact that it was finished first, not that it was started first. That's my guess anyway. It was the simplest neighborhood, in many ways, and didn't have as much complexity in terms of features like staged big life moments, getting the abduction timing right, the alien DNA thing (which I think was somewhat buggy up until the end), etc.  So it's possible that we simply had Veronaville "in the can", while we put the last polish on Pleasantville (which was the first and most important neighborhood, in terms of making a good impression) and Strangeville (which was tricky technically).

Veronaville:

But my personal favorite was Veronaville. We had this cool Tudor style collection in the Build mode catalog, and I wanted to ship some houses that showed off those assets. We also had the teen thing going on in the aging game, plus a lot of romance features, as well as enemies. I have always been a Shakespeare buff since graduate school, so putting all that together, I got the idea that our third neighborhood should be a modern-day telling of the Romeo and Juliet story. It was Montys and Capps (instead of Montagues and Capulets), and it just kind of wrote itself. We had fun creating the past family trees, where everyone had died young because they kept killing each other off in the ongoing vendetta.

[JK] You know, I have never seen The Lone Gunmen, and I don't remember making any kind of direct references with the Strangetown Sims, other than the general Area 51 theme, as you point out. Charles London helped out a lot with naming Sims, and I'm pretty sure we owe "Vidcund" and "Lazlo" to him ... though many team members pitched in creatively. He may have had something in mind, but for me, I largely went off of very generic and stereotypical ideas when crafting these neighborhoods. I kind of wanted them to be almost "groaners" ... they were meant to be tropes in every sense of the word. And then we snuck in some easter eggs. But largely, we were trying to create a completely original lore.

[JK] Well, I think we kind of pushed it with The Sims 2, to be honest, and I remember getting a little blow-back about Bunny Broke, for example. Bunny Broke was the original name for Brandi Broke. Not everyone found that funny, as I recall, and I can understand that. It must have been changed before we shipped.

We also almost shipped the first outwardly gay Sims in those neighborhoods, which was bold for EA back in 2004. My recollection was that we had set up the Dreamers to be gay (Dirk and Darren), but I'm looking back now and see that's not the case. So I'm either remembering incorrectly (probably) or something changed during development.

In general we just did things that we found funny and clever, and we just pulled from all the tropes of American life.

[JK] The alien abduction started in Sims 1, with a telescope object that was introduced in the "Livin' Large" expansion pack. That's when some of the wackier ideas got introduced into the Sims lore. That pack shipped just before I joined Maxis in 2001; when I got there, the team had shipped "House Party" and was underway on "Hot Date". So I couldn't tell you how the original idea came about, but The Sims had this 50's Americana vibe from the beginning, and UFOs kind of played right into that. So the alien abduction telescope was a no-brainer to bring back in Sims 2. The male pregnancy was a new twist on the Sims 1 telescope thing. It must have been that the new version (Sims 2) gave us the tech and flexibility to have male Sims become pregnant, so while this was turned "off" for the core game, we decided to take advantage of this and make a storyline out of it. I think this really grew out of the fact that we had aliens, and alien DNA, and so it was not complicated to pre-bake a baby that would come out as an alien when born. The idea of a bunch of guys living together, and then one gets abducted, impregnated, and then gives birth to an alien baby ... I mean, I think we just all thought that was hilarious, in a sit-com kind of way. Not sure there was much more to it than that. Everything usually came from the designers discovering ways to tweak and play with the tech, to get to funny outcomes.

[JK] Possibly we were just testing the functionality of the Wants/Fears and Memories systems throughout development, and some stuff got left over.

[JK] I can't remember, but that sounds like something we would have done! I'm pretty sure we laid the groundwork for more stories that we ended up delivering :) But The Sims 2 was a great foundation for a lot of continued lore that followed.

--

I once again want to thank Jonathan Knight for granting me this opportunity and taking the time from his busy schedule to answer my questions.

[kunaigirl]

Happy Disability Pride and awareness month! Let's talk about Epilepsy!

Hi there! I got tired of seeing my condition (that impacts my literal every day life) being left out or forgotten about during discussions about disabilities, so I made my own post about it! Let's go!

First Off! What the heck is epilepsy? Epilepsy is the fourth most common neurological disorder in the world, and it's a chronic medical condition. Epilepsy is a brain disorder that causes recurring, frequent, triggered, and unprovoked seizures to occur.

The official Epilepsy Foundation describes seizures as follows: "Seizures are sudden surges of abnormal and excessive electrical activity in your brain, and can affect how you appear or act. Where and how the seizure presents itself can have profound effects...Seizures involve sudden, temporary, bursts of electrical activity in the brain that change or disrupt the way messages are sent between brain cells. These electrical bursts can cause involuntary changes in body movement or function, sensation, behavior or awareness." (Source link)

Sounds like a lot of fun right? This is our life. Even with medication, we can be VERY limited to what can be safe for us. Seizure medications are NOT a cure, they only exist (at least as of now) as a tool to help have your seizures less often, or be triggered less intensely. Even on medication, seizures can still happen.

If you have epilepsy as a child like I did, it impacts your entire growing and developing experience. I spent MANY times as a child in and out of hospitals, neurologist and specialist offices, an getting so many EEG tests done. The pain of scrubbing the glue out of your hair for DAYS is horrible.

At a young age my seizures were so frequent and serious, it impacted my brain's ability to retain information. I had to re-learn the names of things at age 8 and 9. I had to re-learn HOW TO READ at age 10. I had to be home schooled because the public school system of my state at the time refused to work with me. I have VERY distinct and vivid memories of crying over my little baby ABC's book that I needed as a 4th and 5th grader. I knew I should've known this by this age. I knew that at one point I already did, and it was TAKEN FROM ME.

As an adult, I'M NOT ALLOWED TO DRIVE A CAR. And I can NEVER go to see a movie in theaters or go to see concerts or live music. There are entire TV shows I don't get to see. I can't go to clubs, arcades, dances, or raves. I miss out on A LOT of fun things. I always do, and I'm WELL AWARE of the fun I'm missing out on. The social, casual, and fun life experiences I'll never get to have. That WE'LL never get to have. And oh yeah! Seizures can KILL SOME OF US. Yep.

And the list goes on, and every person with epilepsy experiences it differently. There are multiple different types of seizures you can have, they're NOT always convulsing on the floor. For example, I have complex-partial-myoclonic-seizures. Meaning my muscles DO twitch when I have seizures, but I'm not always completely unconscious and sometimes I'm even able to stay sitting up. However, I'm still very "off" and can't focus or remember much for a good while after the fact. I can't talk or communicate during one, even with my slight bit of consciousness.

My experiences are not universal, I just wanted to talk about it and bring it up. It helps to talk about it even a little bit. Here's more about different kinds of seizures. Here's more about common seizure triggers. Here's more about CORRECT seizure first aid. And here's more general information/resources.

Please stop leaving us out of disability awareness. Please stop ignoring us or saying we're "not really disabled" or anything else like that. Please. Why does it always feel like the only people who care about epilepsy, are people WITH epilepsy? We're so tired of being ignored by others who don't have our condition.

If you're an epileptic person reading this, I see you. I love you. You're so strong, we all are. I believe in you, I believe in us. We're so much stronger than we get credit for, and it's going to be ok. Your anger and frustration are valid. Your emotions and struggles are real. You're valid, and I see you. Hang in there, we got this.

[girlbowser]

going to go completely bugfuck insane for a little bit here. we need to talk about ultrose

Ultimate Rose, Pt. 1 (establishing facts)

so

ultrose is a fucking bundle of contradictions, huh?

i think its worth immediately establishing postcanon rose as a liar. specifically, there are a few crucial lies -- lies she tells herself as well -- that define the basis of ultrose. (im mostly going to be looking at candy timeline here, because meat ultrose is a whole other tin can of worms.)

the crucial scenes to compare are the last scene where she talks to john at the peak of the war, and the scene where she plays her hand in beyond canon.

i'm going to skip around this scene (candy 33), but stick with me.

this rose.

this rose right here. this rose who is happy. who loves her wife. who has *a* daughter.

this rose, as she herself describes.

is not "true."

rose firmly believes that knowledge means suffering. which, given the state of her body at the start of the prologue, probably feels deeply true! and her ailment disappearing coincides with her sight vanishing, and her knowledge of The Shape Of Postcanon slipping away. (candy 4)

"For some reason" "whatever it was she felt"

i think it's extremely important to establish here that rose wiped her own mind.

or maybe roxy wiped her mind. or the severing of meat/candy wiped her mind, but that last one feels very unlikely to me considering that this mind-wiped-state is at-will.

and we know that, because during the candy timeline, she is two things:

blind to the world

happy

and in beyond canon, this very same rose, days later, is:

too-aware, and in touch with her powers

deeply miserable

she stopped trying the moment the comic came back. she stopped trying because she never started. that was a whole ass different rose. one without the memories or powers.

if you'd allow me to be insane, i think i know which rose.

from ultdirk describing his experiences (with supplementary text from davepeta), we know what being ultimate is like. we understand that he has access to every splinter of himself, some more prominent than others.

so if rose is able to prioritize bringing one iteration of herself to the front of her mind... which rose would be the best?

which rose would be the happiest, the most pleased by living on earth c? the one blissed by love, the one who would be happy with a daughter and a wife.

it's not our main rose. she was not happy during her wedding. she didn't enjoy her life. she didn't think she'd ever be happy until after the meat/candy split happened.

you know who would have loved that?

what

what is this...... very very important thing doing here?

why is she "correcting" herself? why is she making this distinction? we haven't heard a word spoken about complacency of the learned, maybe at all, in the entire epilogues. and we know rose never really finished the story. it was just some amateur wizardfic.

but say there was another rose. a member of the gestalt, who actually DID finish writing complacency. who fought her whole life for the right to have a family, but ultimately failed.

say there was a rose who was an author.

yeah. i think the rose who gets to act out the bulk of the candy timeline (notably NOT yiffy. that was alllllllll ultrose) is alpha rose. roxy's mom. the one who fought the condesce and lost. and i think she's here simply because she's the best choice.

i mean, fuck, in hs2 rose straight up says it.

so . yeah. this is all establishing stuff for my Insane Theory. my real one about why shes doing all this. how shes doing all this. i have been sitting on this theory for months and if you thought "candy rose is alpha earth rose" is unhinged you aint seen nothing yet

gloves are canon

part 2 is here.

[simpingland]

Love is patient.//Aegon Targaryen II x wife!reader.

Moments before the coronation, Aegon's wife recalls her first memories with the Prince. Patience was key on this journey to make things right. And this patience let love to grow easily between them.

A/N: angst, Diane's assault does not happen here because It's the only way I can write this. TGC is the loveliest person ever, im(r)o.

❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥

The first time you saw Aegon drunk was the first time you met him. And you knew from the start that the journey you were being forced into would not be an easy one. The prince was a little older, but a single word came out of his mouth, and you were the one who felt mature. The glory of the Targaryens, with their distinctive faces, their airs of divinity, did not show in any of Aegon's features. His mother scolded him for cutting his own hair on the very day your chariot pulled into the Red Keep. He gave you an awkward kiss on the hand and talked more to his brother Aemond than he did to you during the entire presentation dinner. The night was a disaster. You almost fell asleep in your own seat, with not a single charitable soul to speak to you.

"It's your duty," your father had told you over and over again. "You have a good chance of being queen."

"You don't need to scare her," your mother corrected him. She took your hand for the last time and said the words that were always echoing in your head. "He is a difficult man, and I understand that. But love can be many things, my dear. This love may be patience. Be patient and patient to welcome the good things with joy and to know how to overcome the bad things with peace of mind. Just...be patient."

Very few lords attended the wedding, and not even Rhaenyra and her family came to the ceremony. And you were glad to think that few were those who saw the humiliation of not receiving a single kiss from your now husband. When it was all over and the feast began, the music filled the room with joy, with Aemond and Helaena dancing, while your siblings found different partners to share the song. And all you had was Aegon beside you, who wouldn't let go of his cup for a second. From the corner of your eye, you could see that this drunkenness was unlike any you had seen before. He was faded, his eyes clear and glittering with sadness.

"Aegon," King Viserys trudged over to your seats, and you alone rose to pay him a courtesy. "Why don't you take your beautiful bride out dancing? By the gods, you'll bore her to death sitting here!"

You wanted to say you didn't have to, but contradicting the king was very wrong of you, and lying to yourself was also a bad habit. You really did want to dance, and you really did begin to die of boredom. When you looked at your groom, you saw him turn to look at you, his eyes still half closed, heavy with alcohol. Still, he stood up and offered you a hand. Your walk to the centre was full of applause.

"I warn you, I am not in my best powers of coordination, my lady," he warned you himself in a whisper.

"I hadn't noticed, my lord," you gave him a half smile, his hand dropping quite a bit into yours.

When the music began, the song was perhaps too lively for what you would have wished, and certainly for what Aegon would have wished as well. His steps were clumsy, and the rhythm of the music was too lively for what you might have wished. His steps were clumsy, and the pace was beginning to make him dizzy. He stepped over a few lords, and when he had to approach you, he would push you back by accident. Already bordering on embarrassment, you could see your parents blushing and looking at the scene with concern. And you could also see Alicent and Otto look at Aegon angrily. The old king looked confused.

"I can stop this," you whispered to him when you had him close.

"No," he replied. "I'm being a good husband."

Then he danced on. And soon what he was waiting for happened, Aegon fell to the ground. Everyone held back an exclamation, some of them hiding their laughter very badly. The prince was slumped on the floor, and before long he was vomiting up what was only wine. The sight was pitiful. One of your sisters approached you, as Ser Criston and Alicent approached Aegon. And when your sister tugged you away from the pool of wine, you broke free, moving closer to the prince who stirred slowly on the floor.

"My dear, you'll stain your dress," Alicent said.

"Let me help, Your Majesty." You replied.

With a handkerchief borrowed kindly from a nearby lord, you wiped Aegon's face and let him lean on you to slowly rise. His hands rested on your shoulders and yours on his arms. His face was red, and he seemed to regain some sense of shame.

"I think you should rest for a while," you said. He nodded.

And then Criston took over, putting the Prince's arm over his shoulder and leading him out of the room. Alicent walked behind, and as they walked away you could see Aegon turn his face to look at you. With a last glance at your family, you followed the Queen's path, straight to your husband's chambers.

"I asked only one thing of you, Aegon, just one," Alicent was saying to him on the way. She seemed to hold back quite a bit in your presence.

Criston left him sitting on the bed, and Aegon tried not to fall into it as his mother spoke to him.

"Tomorrow we will talk further." And then he turned to look at you. "I'm so sorry about this, love. I will tell the guests the bedding will be private."

"Oh, thank you, Your Majesty."

When Criston and Alicent left, they expected you to follow them as well, but you stood in the room.

"Have you not been shown to your rooms yet?" Alicent asked, quizzical.

"Yes, yes, I've located them... but I'd like to stay here a while longer. It's our wedding night, isn't it?" You sounded totally nervous but determined.

Alicent could only nod and force a smile before leaving with her knight. As the doors closed, you could hear Aegon finally collapse onto the bed.

"I wish to give you no offence... and the gods know I am the most willing man to do our duty that you will ever meet," Aegon said, and it was the sort of compliment you should learn to accept. "But tonight, I do not think I have the strength to achieve our goal," he said.

"I was not here for it, so I will take no offence."

Aegon turned his head to look at you, and he seemed much more alive than before.

"That's a pretty dress," he reached out to brush the fabric of the gown. "I'm sorry you got it stained with...my vomit."

"Don't worry, my prince. I could never wear it again."

You heard a laugh from him, which even startled you. But it was tender and unexpected, and it made you proud. Aegon repositioned himself better to give you a place on the bed and tapped his side, asking you to lie down beside him. Before you did, you picked up a tray of fruit and filled a glass of water. And before you lay down, you offered Aegon the water.

"The Maesters say that alcohol should be compensated with water." You watched as Aegon sat up so he could drink his glass without choking. And though he hesitated at first, he ended up drinking it whole and with need.

"I did not remember the taste of water..." he put the glass back in your hand. "And it's a disappointing taste."

When you finally lay down beside him, Aegon enjoyed the fruit on the tray, offering you some grapes.

"Is it always going to be like this?" You asked. He stopped chewing to look at you. "This humiliation. Are you going to be drunk every day of our lives?"

At your hurt tone, Aegon did not know what to answer, but he sounded remorseful, trying to compose an apology or some excuse. He swallowed his food before speaking.

"I have never had reason to be sober, my lady. No one has given them to me."

"Is your mother not worth it? Is your father not worth being proud of you?"

"What my father wants of me is very different from what my mother wants of me. I will never do well in their eyes."

"And at what point is it a much better option to wander around the castle blind with alcohol?"

"It's the only thing that makes me forget how useless I really am."

You couldn't help but run your hand over his face, trying to get him to look at you. His eyes were shining again, but they seemed much more alive than in the room.

"We all have our duty to do. And not all of us are good at it, but we all try."

"You seem like a person suited to this kind of life."

"I'm responsible. I like to think I am, at least. But don't you dare think that I don't wish I was somewhere else right now, with my horse and music nearby. I don't like to pour water to drunk men or stain my clothes with their vomits. But I do it because, somehow, It's now my duty. I will fulfil it for my family's name's sake. I would like to start a family and I will need your help to protect it. Just as you are going to need mine. It is what I believe is right."

You watched as Aegon nodded. He stroked your hand on his face and got out of bed to rummage through his wardrobe. You watched as he stumbled over his own mess but managed to pull out a long white shirt. He left it on the bed for you.

"This will do, so you can change into something clean." He stood expectantly.

"I already have clothes to change into in my rooms," you turned him down, but with a coy smile.

"Oh... all right," he looked disappointed. He looked sweeter than you had ever seen him, still dressed in his groom's robes. His suit was blue and gold, like his dragon Sunfyre. He went to pick up the shirt when you changed your mind, placing his hand on top of it, preventing him from pulling it away.

"Although...I don't trust my sense of direction around the castle in this darkness. Do you mind if I stay?"

"No..." You saw a soft smile appear on his lips. "Not at all... you are already my wife."

You changed in a dark corner of the room, and though Aegon said he would not spy on you, you caught a glimpse of him slyly rolling his eyes, trying to make out your figure in the gloom. The shirt made you look rather unattractive, in your opinion, but the loose hair and lack of tight fabrics made you feel so comfortable that you forgot all about your appearance. Aegon also shed the tight jacket and breeches and was left in a camisole similar to your own.

"Thank you for lifting me up in the hall..." he said after you had mocked the dreadful attire you had witnessed throughout the day. "It's not the first time I've fallen down. But it is the first time someone has helped me as tenderly as you have helped me."

"Don't worry about it."

"I'm sorry I humiliated you."

"I don't want your apology. I want you to promise me that you will try to change."

"And how can I change?" He sounded surrendered.

"With patience."

"I'm not patient, I'm afraid."

"Well, I am... I'll share some with you."

"Oh no... you're going to make an annoying wife, aren't you?" He joked, making you laugh. "You're going to ask me out dancing a lot. And I'm going to have to greet a lot of gentlemen and lie about how pretty their wives are..."

In the comfort of shirts and bed, a few hours passed as exhaustion begged you to sleep, not yet having consumed the marriage. You granted him a kiss on the lips. They were the taste of one and figs. After that night, it took you a long time to even set foot in your room.

The days passed more quietly, with Aegon showing you his favourite parts of King's Landing, trying to avoid the whorehouse, though you knew he had visited it a hundred times. You never reproached him, for since you were married, he had hardly left your side. In fact, he was the annoying husband. He asked you a thousand times to fly over Sunfyre. The only thing you insisted on was that he should not refill his wine glass during lunches and dinners. It was as simple as holding his hand fondly as he approached the decanter. The next day, you noticed that the lack of hangover manifested itself in long expeditions to which you went half-dragging. Soon, you understood what Aegon meant by his father's wishes and his mother's. Viserys enjoyed Aegon's Aegon. Viserys enjoyed the more talkative, joker, and absent side of him, the one who was a good spare heir behind Rhaenyra and her children. He barely paid him any mind, always reminiscing about his eldest daughter and his late wife. Then there was Alicent, and close behind her was Otto. The Hightower wanted in Aegon the malice that could reside in him, the malice that wanted more than to be a prince. They compared him incessantly to Rhaenyra and to Aemond, who was younger than he was, and therefore even more humiliating.

On nights when you returned from those uncomfortable dinners, Aegon would become extremely nervous, and you could not stop him from asking for a large flagon of wine. Your words did him no good, but you remembered your mother's advice. You had to welcome bad things with patience. And you watched him drink in front of the fire and asked a guard to watch him when he moved drunkenly around the castle. The next day, you helped him freshen up with a bath and get rid of the horrible headache.

On one of the nights when it happened again, you went to extreme measures before he ordered his alcohol.

"Perhaps a walk with Sunfyre will clear our heads, Aegon."

"'Our'?" He looked at you quizzically.

When you nodded, his face changed completely, and in the dead of night, he asked for his dragon to be prepared for a ride. Aegon was so pleased that he barely noticed that you were terrified. And you didn't say anything, of course, you liked seeing him so happy. Sunfyre was beautiful and quite a good boy, but that didn't take away your terror at the heights he could reach.

"Come on, wife, the tingling in the stomach is what makes it fun."

"I disagree."

As he laughed at you, he put your hands around his chest. He was quite a fit man, and over the past days and flirting, you found yourself more and more wanting to touch him and hold him close to you. Perhaps the dragon was a good idea, after all. Sunfyre led you to Kingswood, a place you mentioned you had never seen. And the whole flight was spent in places whose names Aegon made up to distract you, surprising you with the absurdity of the game. There was the odd surprise pirouette that he couldn't avoid, making you scream and squeeze him. But all in all, it was quite fun.

It was in the forest where you wandered, talking about unimportant things that kept your mind off all the crowns and iron chairs. It was that night when you consummated the marriage. You gave him the kiss that set it all on fire, the deepest kiss you had ever given each other. And he continued it with even more passion, clearly the more experienced of the two. He undresses you right there, and you undressed him as well. In the soft grass, only the moon could see you become one at last. You awoke at dawn and returned to the Red Keep with red faces and dishevelled hair.

"You're glowing," he whispered to you before he had to leave you to attend a meeting, pulling away your hair to give you a kiss on the neck.

All those memories flashed through your mind as Aegon leaned against the carriage window, on his way to be crowned King, his sister unbeknownst to their treason, his father recently dead, and war knocking at the door. They had dressed you too, and the thought of being queen made your stomach churn more than it already did.

"I'm afraid," Aegon suddenly confessed to you. "I'm not going to be good for this."

"I'm afraid too..." You took his hand. "We have to be smart, Aegon. We must protect ourselves."

"You should run while you can. I can order Ser Arryk to send you away... until all is safe again."

"No!" The thought horrified you. "I can't abandon you. We need you."

You brought your hand to your belly. You watched as Aegon's eyes widened with surprise.

"Gods..." he knelt before you, his head close to your knees, the din of the city seemed to hush inside the carriage. The light through the windows rattled on your skin, and the scene seemed like something out of Aegon's imagination.

"We must flee."

"It is too late now." Tears were falling, and your husband wiped them away, overwhelmed. "They won't let us scape this, you know that."

The carriage finally stopped, and Aegon had to bolt the door, which would only hold the guards for a second.

"Then, wife, I will do my true duty to protect our family. But as you said that day, I need your help...it is what I believe is right. Let us have hope. Never before I have felt this love for anything. Never before has anyone ever shown me as much love as you. I'll do everything in my hand to keep us safe. The only thing that matters to me is you and everything that involves you. My only friend is you."

Trying to regain your normal breathing, wiping your cheeks, you nodded as Aegon gave you a kiss on the forehead, another very soft, slow kiss on the cheek, which you couldn't help but drop your face to his touch and essence, and a kiss on the lips. Before removing the latch, he gave you a last kiss on your belly, making you giggle.

A look of complicity and a final sigh to enjoy a moment of peace before your heads held the crowns.

[kyxworld]

➤ Returning “home”

Firstly, there’s no 3D/4D, no inner self, no circumstances, nothing is outside of “you” aka that/self/awareness

A lot of you come from LOA and understand whatever everyone here says intellectually mostly, but you’re not here to learn something, it’s no lesson. You have to “know” so how do you do that? through direct experience.

Now, the next question would you be, a famous one, “How do you directly experience it?” Well you’re doing it right now. You’re effortlessly, aware of reading this. You’re always, always, “ ”

Everything seemingly happening to you right now, is an empty appearance. It has an illusion of continuity since you’re always aware of a past through seeming memories. You see how you’re shaping the clay, to what you apparently “see” right now. Now you’ve the freedom to mold it how you like.

The main point of ND/AV is noticing how everything is one, nothing is outside of you. How you’ve conjured up such an intricate and beautiful world you see.

Everyone who came from loa are still limited to “How do i experience something different?” “How can i change this or that?” “How do i make it show up instantly?” “Why don’t i see it through my senses?” There’s still you lacking, desiring, wanting something better, wanting an escape. This traces back to LOAS. When you know, you know. All you want experience is nothing big, nor impossible. You give life to everything, you experience what you’re aware of, effortlessly and undisputedly.

Something i’ve seen a lot (been there too) is you’re treating it as states in LOAS, it’s subtle… but it’s there… “i’ve been aware of it…. yet…” you think awareness is a method to experience what you want. Wrong, No, Stop…… see how it is technically watered down way of “persisting” (i gagged) you think the more you’re aware of, you’ll “see” it.

Awareness, is something far far greater than that, you cannot be more aware nor “don’t be aware” you’re always are. But we consciously use our “minds” to understand. Don’t take the thoughts or whatever your mind says seriously, treat it as something trivial.

What i’ve also seen is You’re aware of a new experience but there are doubts, intrusive thoughts etc. You come to an understanding you’re awareness yet go back to misidentifying. Thoughts doubts, whatever is trivial, illusory. Everything is illusory technically, but you can choose what you want to be aware of.

You’re not changing anything A to B, but choosing one over the other. One isn't better than other, seemingly, you’re making a distinction. B isn’t any harder than choosing A, it only seems like it, if you are a limited human; you’re not. You’re always the awareness which precedes everything.

it’s returning to who you are, which is so freeing. The comforting silence “ ” is always there for you. You’re always safe, nothing is ever happening nor can hurt you. You’re always home.

(feel free to “correct” me if anything is misleading)

[eevees-hobbies]

Nasty Girl (Fem!Reader x Ren Kaji) - NSFW

Author’s Note: I was sitting in traffic, and Lick or Sum by GloRilla started playing, and I thought, “this would make Kaji blush if it blasted through his headphones.” Anyway, GloRilla and Tinashe songs are referenced below, but you don’t have to know those songs to enjoy the story 🙂

Synopsis: New Fear has been Unlocked: not disconnecting your music from your boyfriend's headphones. Now, he just has to match your freak. 

Content Warning: Fem!Reader x Ren Kaji. Sensory Deprivation (hearing), lyrics are explicit, Kaji imagines you giving him a lap dance, mention of Kaji smelling your sex, cunnilingus, p in v, dom behavior, dirty talk, use of the words slut and brat, ass smacking, talk of worshipping that ass, and technically a cumshot/creampie combo. Tis smut. Minors Do Not Interact. 

Word Count: 2.4K

Divider by @strangergraphics. Story banner by me.

If you and Kaji could add music sharing to the official list of love languages, it would be underlined, bolded, and highlighted as it serves as an integral part of your relationship.

You appreciate Kaji’s favorite genres. Some of your dates with him include attending concerts—hard-hitting drums and thunderous electric rifts from bands like Metallica, Slipknot, and Megadeth make up some of your fondest memories with him.

Kaji enjoys listening to you express your musical taste, too. You are most certainly not a monolith; your taste in music varies, drifting through the ebbs and flows of enjoying different beats and sounds as you float between different genres depending on your mood.

While some of the songs you like may not resonate with him personally, he’ll always nod along as you gush about your favorite artists. He adores how your face lights up, whether you’re talking about rock, metal, hip-hop, or everything else in between. So when you apologize because you’re "talking his ear off," he’ll shake his head and encourage you to keep going. “Please tell me more about Megan Thee Stallion’s new album.”

Not only do you two exchange opinions on music, but it also isn’t unusual for you to borrow his headphones to listen to your playlist. 

One day, you were preparing to make dinner, so you reached for your cell phone to put on some motivational tunes to get you through the monotony of dicing vegetables.

As you pushed play on your phone, you tilted your head to the side. You didn’t hear lyrical prose coming from the speakers. Instead, you heard the distinct sound of deafening silence. You pushed the play button again, considering that maybe you hadn’t pressed the correct area on the screen.

Still, nothing. 

As you pick up your device to investigate whether the volume is on, Kaji, seated on the couch in the other room, scrunches his nose. 

The music from the band In Flames suddenly stopped and was replaced by what he assumed to be something you were attempting to listen to. 

His eyebrows furrow as he genuinely listens to the lyrics.

Lick on my clit, make this pussy cream. Do this motherfucker how you do them Russian creams.

Yeah, there’s no doubt that this is from your playlist, and it was certainly…graphic. 

Kaji rises from the couch and approaches the kitchen doorway, pausing under the doorframe to admire you. His eyes wander over your shape, your ass jutting out a bit as you lean your elbows on the counter. 

The lyrics are still drilling into his ear, raunchier and more explicit than the first few lines he heard, but he can’t help but wonder if you’d be willing to sing these lyrics to him. He imagines your pretty lips mouthing filthy shit into his ear. 

His cock twitches, thinking about you dancing to the song, flirting your hips and ass in his lap as you tease him, letting his hands explore your body as you dip low and bend over, letting him see the way your ass eats up the fabric of shorts. Before he knows it, he’s rock hard, the outline of his dick protruding through his black skinny jeans. 

You still haven’t identified the problem, and right as you consider force-closing the application, you feel Kaji press his body against your back. You jump a little at his sudden presence and open your mouth to tell him to give you a warning next time, but before you can, he places one shell of the headphones over your ear, leaving the one closest to his mouth uncovered.

“Interesting taste you have. What did she say? ‘All over his breath like pussy flavored gum’”

Well, damn, then.

Your knees suddenly feel as though they may not be able to keep you upright, trembling and unstable, as if you’re a new babe learning how to walk again. You feel the warmth of his breath, sweet and cherry-flavored, on the back of your neck. 

Your boyfriend never talks like this. Kaji isn’t vanilla by any means, but he definitely doesn’t say things like GloRilla does in her song. 

You laugh nervously. Suddenly, you’re very aware of how hard he’s pressing your body into the edge of the counter.

“I didn’t realize that I hadn’t disconnected Bluetooth.” 

“No, looks like you didn’t.”

Kaji reaches up and places the other headphone shell over your ear—music drowns out any of the sounds in the kitchen, like the ticking of the clock on the wall or Kaji’s breathing in your ear. Instead, it’s replaced with the beginning of Tinashe’s Nasty.

I've been a nasty girl, nasty.

As she asks if anyone’s going to match her freak, you can feel Kaji’s hands tracing down your body, squeezing your breasts through the thin fabric of your dress, fingers lingering over your nipples despite the presence of your bra. He knows your body so well that he can locate them simply from memory. 

As he glides his hands down your stomach, you prepare for him to touch you where you need him the most. The drooling, twitching mess that she is needs him.

But Kaji’s hands move behind you instead of touching you where you ache. You let out an audible whine that earns you an unseen smirk. Yeah, he knows what you think you need, but he knows better. 

Need somebody with a good technique Is somebody gonna match my nasty?

He crouches down, hands lifting your dress; you don’t need a verbal command to know to kick up your feet so he can pull your panties down and toss them to the side. 

If you keep up with me I'll keep on comin' back

With his strong hands placed firmly on your ass, his fingers grip and fondle the plush flesh, earning a strangled moan from your throat. You wiggle your ass in an attempt to get him to stop toying with you and touch you. But all you earn is a searing smack to your ass cheek and Kaji’s eyes appreciating the way you jiggle for him. 

If you do it too good I'm gonna get attached

You yelp, your skin feeling a brief sting from his palm. You pout, but honestly, you only have yourself to blame, and you should absolutely know better. Kaji prefers it when you behave yourself, but when you are fervent about acting up? Fine, either a firm smack to your ass or clit, or a hand wrapped around your throat is quick to put you in your place. 

But he’s not cruel. Punishments are his last resort, and as he presses his lips to the tender spot where he smacked your ass, offering you a gentle peace treaty, you’re reminded of that. 

You once again jerk from his touch, feeling like something is pricking at your ass, but the kitchen counter and the way he’s keeping you held against it leave you with limited escape routes. 

Kaji licks the indentations his teeth made on your cheek, a low growl erupting from his throat.

Fuck, he wouldn’t call himself an ass worshipper, but he’d be willing to drop to his knees and press his forehead against the filthy ground on the street to pay homage to yours. 

Cause it feels like heaven when it hurts so bad Baby, put it on me I like it just like that

“Kaji, that hurt!”

The benefit of you being unable to hear is that Kaji doesn’t have to answer you. If he did, you’d probably hate the answer. A monotone “Good” from him would probably warrant an attitude from you. And he doesn’t want attitude—at least not at this moment—he just wants a well-intentioned taste. 

You gasp as he presses his face into your sex, nose nudging against your folds, inhaling all of you. His mouth is watering as his tongue licks up and down your already wet slit, your slick sticking to your folds in the way fresh honey sticks to a honeycomb. His fingers spread your cunt open, eyeing the way you already dribble like a slut for him.

Your eyes roll back as he delivers a peck to your pussy, then a longer kiss until his mouth forms in an opened-mouth make-out session with her, not being liberal with the use of his tongue. You begin to press yourself back onto his mouth, daring his tongue to be even deeper. And Kaji doesn’t fight you; you give a silent thanks that he’s allowing you to fuck his tongue. 

He brings his hand between your thighs, allowing the palm of his hand to rub against your clit as you bounce back on his face.

“You’re so messy,” he growls into your cunt as your slick drips down his chin and drenches his palm. And it’s the god-honest truth; your cunt is dripping, hot, wet, thick, and languid, coating his tongue and throat with your essence. You’re his favorite indulgence. When he has a sweet tooth, he doesn’t think of or crave candy; he thinks of you. 

As your cum cascades into his mouth, his tongue cleans up every inch of you, tongue sliding between your folds, over your clit, your clitoral hood, and even your inner thighs. By the time he considers it a job well done, you’re glistening in his saliva more so than your cum. 

Wiping his mouth against the back of his hand, he rises again to take his place pressed against your back.

“K-Kaji,” your moan is desperate as you press your ass against his crotch. “Need you so bad, baby!”

Kaji can’t help but keep his eyes on you as your head falls back to rest on his shoulder. You don’t realize how loud you’re being with the music playing in your ears, but he desperately hopes the neighbors can hear every single thing you yell. 

Each gasp and moan leaving your lips has him throbbing, his heart pounding in his chest as his eyes travel down to your neck, watching you swallow so thickly, eyes pooling with desperation and pleading to have him, him, him.

He hikes one of your legs onto the counter, forcing you to knock over some of the produce you were planning to use for dinner. 

He’s not very patient, even in moments where he wants to savor you; he’s his own worst enemy and too eager to feel you around him. He’s already stretching your cunt apart with the head of his dick, and you lean over to give him a better angle. 

Kaji, ever the appreciative one, bottoms out immediately, stretching your hole to the thickest part of him.  

With each jerk of his hips, the headphones shift until they clatter onto the counter in front of you. The sounds you were unable to hear before overwhelm your senses immediately. You catch the end of Kaji sputtering your name so loudly that you’re surprised you didn’t hear him over the music.

“Fuck, why are you so messy?” He rasps out, breath shakey and labored not from exertion but from simply being so consumed by his desire for you he can’t help but suck in too much oxygen. 

“M-maybe it’s the way you just slobbered on my pussy?”

“Oh, god. There’s that fucking mouth. Headphones must be off.” You earn another smack to your ass and the quickening of his ruts into your sopping cunt. “Like you better when you’re too busy moaning like a slut to be a brat.”

You practically mewl in appreciation of being called a slut and a brat in the same sentence.

“Yeah, look at ya squeezing me tight, brat. Jerkin’ me off with your needy pussy.”

You bury your face into the crook of your elbow, moaning and face heating up because he’s fucking right; your pussy is wringing him, hoping to coax every last drop of his cum out of his balls.

Kaji hisses. Without warning, your cunt clamps down onto him, halting his rutting, “Fuck, pretty girl. Already?”

You whine because, really, what the fuck were you supposed to do? He should be praising you for holding on this long.

As your clenching stops, he has a bit more clearance to continue his thrusts, bottoming out into your tight, orgasming sex. The wet, squelching sound your pussy makes as Kaji hilts you are loud,  filthy, lewd, practically sounding of nothing but sin. He can’t help but think, “like those songs she likes,” as he whimpers at the thought.

“Fuck, well, I’m glad you’re feeling good. Gonna let me cum now?” He’s teasing you because, of course, he can cum. You aren’t stopping him—the more the fucking merrier. You try to utter precisely that, but he juts his hips sharply, knowing you were going to say something with that smart-ass mouth of yours, the tip of his dick drilling against your g-spot.

Your nails scrape against the counter, trying to grip and claw at something. “K-kaji, I’m…!”

You bite your lip, that all-too-familiar tightening overtaking you until it bursts, and another orgasm rips through you. 

Kaji groans and pulls out with urgency because there’s something he has to do. Call it a compulsion or whatever label you want to assign to it, but it’s something he’s compelled to do to you when the urge to cum inside doesn’t sway him.

He spreads your labia with his thumb, butterflying your pretty pussy for him. He’s giving himself solid pumps with his free hand, eyes never leaving your ass, loving the way it looks sticking out like this for him. He gasps, his moan raspy but so deliciously loud. “Fuck, fuck, fuck here it c-comes!”

His cum shoots out, splattering all over your waiting hole until it’s so covered by his thick, white seed that he can’t see your opening anymore. And the final part of the ritual? Smearing it all over your folds, the fleshy pink of you, and pushing it back in with the tip of his dick for good measure.

“What even is that fetish called?” you mumble.

“I don’t have a fetish. I just like doing…this.” He can’t tear his eyes away at how pretty she looks, covered in white.

He finally places a kiss on the back of your neck, his hand reaching around your fucked out and bent over form to grasp his headphones. “Forget cooking. Let’s order in.”

And maybe after this romp in the kitchen, you both had inadvertently conditioned yourselves to use certain songs to initiate sex. His dick automatically hardening when you play songs that bring him back to the moment in the kitchen, and him placing the headphones over your ears as he fucks you to the same music that celebrates getting your back blown out.

[cobragardens]

CORRECTED & UPDATED! Clothes + Equivocation = Romance:

The Husbands in 1793

EDIT: I made a significant error when I wrote this. As @goodjomans kindly points out in the comments to Part 2 of this essay (massive shoutout for this, goodjomans! also I love your name!), Aziraphale is the one who dresses the executioner in clothing like Aziraphale's original ensemble, not Crowley. This changes my conclusions about the meaning we can take from this scene!

On the one hand, mea culpa, y'all. I shall get on with eating my crow. On the other hand, I had to go through this frame-by-frame to catch which of the ineffable spouses puts Jean-Claude in his new togs, and the answer only lasts three frames. Here it is:

After Aziraphale changes his clothes, but before Crowley snaps his fingers and unfreezes time, there's a shot of the executioner over Crowley's shoulder, and he is now wearing a light coat with gold embroidery on the shoulders like Aziraphale's. Aziraphale arranges the executioner's death, not Crowley. So I feel like an idiot for missing it, but not a total idiot.

Let's discuss how this information changes what we can read from this scene! I'm going to leave my original text in place and edit with bold green. I can still stand by most of this essay, but this detail changes how I read the meaning of the husbands' communication at the end of this scene.

So we're all clear on the fact that the universe of Good Omens is an inescapable nightmare dystopia in which either of the husbands' merciless authoritarian regimes could be watching or listening to them at any time, yes? And that if either are caught 'fraternizing' with the other that means discorporation, torture, memory wipe, and/or death for either or both of them, yes?

Which means Crowley and Aziraphale can never speak or do anything openly to each other about their friendship or attraction or love. Everything they say and do has to have an innocuous meaning they can point to in case anybody ever sees or hears something Team Azcrow can't explain away. Walls (and ducks) have ears, and the price of slipping up--as we see in 1827--is heavy.

When a character says or does something that has two distinct meanings because they need to disguise what they really mean from one party but make their meaning plain to another, lit-nerds (and lit nerds🍃) call this equivocation. Equivocation is a kind of coded communication meant to pass hostile ears and eyes in plain sight but reach its intended recipient with its true meaning. The 1793 scene is jammed with it.

A lot of that coded messaging revolves around the clothes Crowley and Aziraphale choose in this scene, so--THESIS PARAGRAPH, BITCHES--we're going going to talk about how their clothes read to the people of this time period and location, what their clothes tell us about their characters, how their clothes help them equivocate, and what they're really saying with that equivocation. And Spoiler A-fucking-lert, it is ROMANTIC AF PRETTY GD ROMANTIC. Let's get nerdy!

We start with Aziraphale's beautiful champagne-gold and powder-pink ensemble.

This outfit would tell people of this time period 3 things about Aziraphale:

That he's insanely wealthy--These clothes would be silk, hand-embroidered with thread made with actual gold. Each individual garment could cost years' or even decades' worth of working-class wages and take a team of skilled artisans dozens to hundreds of hours to make.

That he's a fop--i.e., a man who loves fine clothes and dressing up and looking fancy. By the 1790s in England, once-fashionable foppishness was giving way to the Neoclassical 'Corinthian' style, and was considered effete. (Fun note: During this time period, effete did not automatically indicate gay, and pink was considered a masculine color, so while Az. is queering it up to the audience here, his clothes would not have read as gay or overtly effeminate to the other characters around him.)

Even though he's insanely wealthy, Aziraphale wears clothes that are decades out of fashion.

According to the Victoria & Albert Museum, "As the [18th] century progressed, the male silhouette slowly changed.[...] Coat skirts gradually became less full and the front was cut in a curved line towards the back. Waistcoats became shorter. The upper leg began to show more and more[...]. Shoes became low-heeled with pointed toes and were fastened with a detachable buckle and straps or ribbon[.]

Source

That description is not what Aziraphale's wearing. Judging by his heel height and the length of his waistcoat, Aziraphale is wearing a style that's at least a decade older than this:

And this is from 1765. The great crepes caper happens in 1793, almost 30 years later.

My inference: Just as he has in the modern period, Aziraphale has settled into a style he really likes and refused to let go of it long after it's gone out of fashion.

We'll come back to this set of Aziraphale's clothes in a bit, but we need to talk about Crowley's first, because Crowley's clothes in this scene help render a line he says later about this outfit very flirtatious and darkly romantic.

First, some background: What was considered acceptable attire for wealthy people in France changed pretty much overnight during the French Revolution after the storming of the Bastille in 1789 and the fall of the French monarchy. Instead of advertising wealth, clothes now had to advertise political allegiance, and they had to do so loud and clear. And if you didn't want to be murdered by the French First Republic, that political allegiance had fucking better be to the Revolution.

People started wearing a looooooot of super patriotic shit. And I mean it was like little kids on the 4th of July; clothes were red, white, and blue in any hue and garish combination and print. The cockade, a fabric rosette in the colors of the French flag, was required by law to be worn by men, and despite that was just as popular among women. To show solidarity with the laboring classes, the fabrics the wealthy wore went from embroidered silk in light Rococo colors (what Aziraphale is wearing) to sober neutrals without decoration in wool, cotton, and linen.

Now, the script note for Crowley's clothing in this scene is this:

But clearly there were some changes made between script and filming, because Crowley does not appear standing behind Aziraphale; he appears lounging.

And he's not dressed as a French peasant.

Here's how French peasants dressed in 1790:

Peasants at this time wore styles that distinguished them from the styles of the upper classes not just in materials, colors, or patterns, but in shapes. Full trousers and cropped boxy jackets in French flag colors were the marks of the laboring-class Revolutionary, and both styles were huge changes from hundreds of years of French fashion up to that point.

And that's not what Crowley shows up wearing. Crowley is wearing the knee breeches, stockings, waistcoat, and frock coat of a wealthy man, and in fact his clothes reference a very specific type of wealthy man.

In the 1790s, if you were an aristocrat who wasn't happy about the Revolution and you were so sure of your privilege that you would risk your life showing it, you wore black in mourning for the monarchy and in protest of the violence of its deposition. If you were an aristocrat who wanted to protest and you didn't want to be immediately murdered by the French First Republic, you wore a style called half-mourning, which was black with a colored coat.

Here's a picture from a 1790 fashion magazine of an aristocrat in half-mourning:

"The text accompanying the plate describes his ensemble as 'half-mourning,' referring to the aristocrats who lamented 'the diminished powers of the monarchy and [signaled] their willingness to die for the royal cause'" [emph. added]. [Source]

Notice: the shoes, stockings, breeches, waistcoat, and cravat are all black. You with me?

Because here's Crowley in 1793:

I've turned up the brightness and exposure in this image so he's more clearly visible against the stone, but I haven't warmed it up. He's wearing a coat that's a dark blackish red. Everything else, even his cravat, even his shirt, is black. (The black shirt is anachronistic, a lovely little nod to Crowley's refusal to wear angelic white.)

This is 179fuckin'3, y'all. Marie Antoinette is executed in 1793. It's 3 full years after that fashion plate up there in his bright red jacket, and that lil dude was already risking his neck way back in 1790. As we can see from the fact that the government are apparently now grabbing random wealthy-looking Englishmen off the street to murder without trial, the time for a man demon to be sauntering around Paris dressed in all black or even nearly all black is well past.

Crowley's also wearing a whole assload of huge silver buttons, which would have been flashy and tacky and frankly pretty weird in 1793 but very definitely an eccentric Rich Person Thing to do, bc regular buttons at this time were horn or wood and covered with the garment's fabric. The only man in France who could get away with this fancy aristo shit anymore was Robespierre himself, and only "devotion to the cause[...] excused Robespierre’s showy dress since he was perceived as a bridge between the politically empowered bourgeois deputies and the ardently antimonarchical unenfranchised classes." [Source]

So when Crowley teases Aziraphale--

--both of them are perfectly well aware that Crowley's outfit would get him just as killed as Aziraphale's.

And that's why Aziraphale's expression is annoyed when he has abandon his "standards" and change his clothes. Because Aziraphale's the one who needs the favor, Crowley makes him take one for the team and wear the goofy hat.

The clothes Az. changes into here still tell people that he's rich, but they also say he's a hardcore Revolutionary. The red jacket in a current cutaway style, the cockade and sash, and the bonnet phrygien (the red garden-gnome cap) all announce this guy is a huge supporter of the Revolution. His clothes are all still aristocratic in shape and materials (and he keeps his now-unfashionably frilly lace cravat), but he's no longer flaunting obscene wealth in a city filled with angry starving people, and the gnome cap says he's in solidarity with the working classes even if he isn't one of them.

Once he restarts time, Crowley is not leaving that prison cell safely without either changing his clothes or taking Aziraphale with him, because Crowley looks like a rich asshole protesting the fall of the monarchy--which is frankly exactly the kind of thing he'd show up wearing to the Bastille during the Reign of Terror (just like he wears athleisure in Heaven). But Aziraphale's new appearance covers for them both: if the rich-looking guy with no cockade and wearing all black under his almost-black coat is in with this other guy who's obviously a Revolution fanatic, then the rich guy's probably okay, right? He just forgot his sash at home or something. Bees.

Something else happens when Az. changes, too. Look at Aziraphale's new dress from a different angle:

Half-mourning is a white shirt, but a black cravat, so this isn't half-mourning. He's wearing three different badges of the Revolution to make up for the fact that Crowley looks like a Satanic libertine (which tbf he is), but Aziraphale's new ensemble is black and dark red.

Y'all. Aziraphale changes into Crowley's colors.

Now, this is a more fashionable and higher quality version of what the executioner is wearing, so Aziraphale has very plausible deniability here; if anyone ever pulled him up on it, he could say he just copied our man Jean-Claude.

But let me show you what English fashion looks like right now:

This is a French painting of a wealthy Frenchman, but he's wearing the English 'Corinthian' style. It was painted in 1795, so this would have been the very cutting edge of fashion in England in 1793, and the fabrics and colors look right at home in Revolutionary Paris. (He's wearing the cockade on his hat, btw.)

Look at all that angelic white! The buttery almond of the buckskin breeches, the golden kidskin gloves, the rich tan of the riding boots! The blue of the greatcoat! All colors we know Aziraphale prefers!

And yet this is what Aziraphale chooses:

We know from the entire rest of the show how very particular about his clothes Aziraphale is. And yet 150 years before he (accidentally) admits in words that he's Crowley's friend, Aziraphale wears Crowley's colors to take him to lunch to say thank you for a rescue.

When we decide whether a character's speech or action is equivocation, one of the things we check is whether equivocation (and deception generally) is something that character does elsewhere in the text, which, with Aziraphale, hahahahaha, DUH. He's already using equivocation in this scene.

The lunch date itself is equivocation on Aziraphale's part. Aziraphale tries to thank Crowley for the rescue, but Crowley says,

So Aziraphale says,

No more words like "thanks" or "rescue" used, but a couple hours of good food and drink and conversation, Aziraphale hopes, will express the gratitude toward Crowley it's not safe to speak aloud. With this, Crowley and Aziraphale explicitly establish that they are equivocating for each other's safety and using coded communication--immediately before Aziraphale changes into Crowley's colors.

So yes, Aziraphale may well copy the executioner's clothes. But consider: When a character who can't speak or act openly says or does something that has two or more possible meanings, this can be read as equivocation.

We don't get a face reaction from Crowley about Aziraphale's new 'fit, so we can't be sure how he feels about this. But this whole scene is, even on its surface, about 1) the meaning clothes transmit to a viewer ("Oh good Lord," says Aziraphale when he sees what Crowley's wearing) and 2) how to show gratitude and appreciation when you can't speak of them openly. And we know Crowley notices clothing and clothing colors, because look at what he wears, like, ever. So it's very reasonable to presume he notices Aziraphale wearing his colors, and it fits well with both the rest of Crowley's actions in this scene and with his being very hurt and angry when Aziraphale later characterizes their interactions as "fraternizing."

Right, so we've covered what's going on with the husbands' clothes, and we've looked at two examples of equivocation on Aziraphale's part, viz., lunch and his change of colors. (Here's an example of equivocation on Crowley's part as well.) Now let's look at that super interesting thing Crowley says about Aziraphale's first outfit.

Here's the line:

Crowley follows up here on earlier lines in which he teases Aziraphale for coming to Reign-of-Terror Paris for crepes: "Dressed like that?" meaning Aziraphale was guaranteed to get arrested dressed like an aristocrat. The top layer of equivocation is always an innocuous meaning: the plausible deniability meant for the hostile/unsafe listeners. That's Meaning 1.

But "Dressed like that, s/he's asking for trouble" means two other things, too. It's a veeerrrrry familiar phrase, isn't it? We've all heard that arrangement of words in that order before. It's used when people think someone (usually but not always a woman) is dressed to invite sexual attention.

How do we know we're supposed to take this modern meaning from this phrase? This is how:

We have learned in literally the previous sentence to this one that rain has not been invented yet. The only two humans in existence have just left the Garden. Balloons definitely do not exist yet, humans couldn't tell you what lead is, and yet this is a phrase Crowley uses and Aziraphale understands. This tells us, the audience, in the very first line of the very first scene with these characters, that their speech is anachronistic and modern, and that we are to understand their phrasing in its contemporary sense.

So. When Crowley says "Dressed like that, he was asking for trouble" in 1793, we should read that in the context of the scene and in the senses the phrase carries to us today.

And since Crowley is using a phrase that means the executioner is dressed to invite sexual attention, and the executioner is wearing clothes identical to Aziraphale's, then Crowley is necessarily telling Aziraphale that when Aziraphale was wearing those clothes--those frilly, effete, unfashionable-for-decades clothes that nobody else likes and the French now murder people for wearing--that was, in Crowley's view...provocatively sexy. Meaning 2.

"Dressed like that, s/he was asking for trouble" is also what people say to justify violence, especially sexual violence against women and queerphobic attacks against men perceived as gay or just 'insufficiently' 'masculine'. In fact justifying assault is likely the most common way this phrase is used today by a wide margin. Meaning 3.

Crowley's joke isn't even really a joke in this sense; it's a vicious barb. And, because it must, it sounds like it's at Aziraphale's expense: You wore the wrong clothes, you weren't careful enough to guard yourself against the men who want to do you harm, so you deserved the trouble you got. Meaning 1.

Except remember: Crowley is also dressed for trouble. And Aziraphale is aware of this. Crowley's 'fit would be almost as offensive to the Revolutionary French of 1793 as Aziraphale's Rococo pastels, and probably just as likely to get him arrested and murdered by the state if he weren't making letting Aziraphale keep him safe by wearing the cockade and the silly hat. Crowley's not saying anything about Aziraphale here that he's not also saying about himself; and as we know from Aziraphale's initial "Oh good Lord" when he turns around and sees Crowley's black and red half-mourning (with extra black and gobs of silver), Aziraphale knows it.

Then why the rapey joke, Crowley?

This is fucking why:

Crowley rocks up at the Bastille just in time to witness some grubby fucker assault his friend. Assault the person Crowley will greet 15 seconds after this as angel.

Crowley's first act after freeing Aziraphale is to send this dude to his death. Nope! Aziraphale is the one who arranges to have the executioner killed in the clothes he would have killed Aziraphale for wearing. He takes Jean-Claude's ability to speak (but not to make sounds, interestingly! Jean-Claude can still whimper, Jean-Claude can still cry!) so the executioner can't tell anyone about the 'mixup.' It's unclear which of them blocks the executioner's power of speech. The vicious joke about assault in Meaning 3 isn't at Aziraphale's expense at all. It's not You wore the wrong clothes, so you deserved the trouble you got. It's If this guy thinks you deserve trouble for wearing the wrong clothes, he can eat his own rules.

And that's the other piece of evidence that, along with Crowley's ensemble, shows us the audience and Aziraphale which meanings Crowley intends with his equivocation. Meaning 1 is cancelled out by Crowley's clothes. That leaves Meanings 2 and 3.

Crowley and Aziraphale share clothes as a common interest. They don't have the same style, but they're both aware of current fashions, and Heaven and Hell aren't. You can't tell me Hastur or Uriel would recognize the significance of Crowley saying "Dressed like that, he's asking for trouble" about someone else while wearing black stockings and cravat and waistcoat himself. And that means Anything the husbands communicate to each other through clothing choices goes undetected by their masters.

SO. With all this in mind, let's go through the 1793 scene again and look at what their clothes help them say without words.

Concluded in Part 2!

[nebuladreamerrr]

Black sheep| Kylian Mbappé x Fem Reader

Summary: You had always felt rejected by your family's paternal side, but you managed to overcome it. However, one match could unleash a plethora of problems.

Warnings: English is not my first language and mention physical and psychological abuse by a paternal figure.

Little by little, at just twenty years old, you had managed to overcome all the obstacles that came your way. It wasn't easy, but with the support of your close circle of friends, you achieved it.

Childhood memories are hazy for you, often questioning if the few you hold truly belong to you or if they are just vague impressions shared when strangers inquire about your early years.

There were beautiful moments in childhood, especially when your father wasn't home. You remember singing summer songs loudly with your mother, her gentle hands combing through your hair as she deftly wove small braids secured with light blue hair ties—a tangible link to carefree, joyful days.

You loved school immensely. Every class fascinated you: from reading fairy tales to dancing at end-of-year parties, practicing carols for Christmas galas, and most of all, playing with classmates during recess. Whether it was tag, British Bulldog, or imitating singers from The Voice Kids, those moments overflowed with happiness.

But these memories darkened when you thought of your father. Despite living in Spain, he enforced a "French" education on you from a young age. He insisted on speaking only Spanish with your mother, and if he caught you playing alone and using a Spanish word instead of French, he would shout and intimidate you. "It's not 'muñeca', it's 'poupée'," he would sternly correct. Those echoes of shouts tainted the joyful memories with shadows of fear and strictness.

Luckily, on your eleventh birthday, your mother gave you the incredible gift of promising to divorce your father. It wasn't an easy decision for either of you. Firstly, because your mother had endured years of severe abuse, beginning with psychological mistreatment that later turned physical. Secondly, because your father was the main provider for the family, which often meant tightening belts to find moments of happiness. Despite the hardships, that promise marked the beginning of a new chapter—one where you started to find the peace and freedom you desperately needed.

With immense effort and dedication, you managed to open a small restaurant that became your family's main source of income. Once things stabilized, your mother finally fulfilled her dream: creating an association to support women who, like her, were trapped in abusive situations and couldn't escape due to fear or difficulties. The association provided shelter, money, clothing, and food to any woman, along with her children or pets, facing such circumstances.

Reflecting on it now, you couldn't be prouder of your mother. Not only for her incredible strength and resilience but also because she always supported your dreams. She became a beacon of hope and resilience for many other women. Her courage and dedication not only changed your lives but also touched and transformed many others.

After successfully completing your education despite the challenges, you faced a new wave of anxiety upon receiving a job offer as a physiotherapist for the French national football team. With an outstanding academic record and recognition from your professors as an exemplary student, evidenced by the honor roll distinction you received, you never imagined an international opportunity would come your way.

The issue wasn't the opportunity itself but the fear of working with international stars and, above all, with a prestigious team of physiotherapists. However, your primary concern was moving to France.

You hadn't set foot in that country since your father left to reunite with his relatives, who felt somewhat ashamed of him for not being able to "tame his lady." Just hearing that language again gave you goosebumps, and every attempt to speak French seemed to trigger a mental block.

But, as a beloved phrase reminds you, "If fear occupies your head, it leaves no room for your dreams." So, with a half-empty suitcase ready to be filled with memories and stories to share upon returning to Spain, you courageously departed for France in 2020. Since then, you've hardly ventured out of the country.

The enchanting French cities captivated you, and despite a few challenging encounters, you handled them with grace and chose to extend your stay. Not to mention, the team of physiotherapists was highly impressed with your work.

You still vividly remember your first day with the players. Nerves had you meticulously arranging bandages and creams, striving for a professionalism that mirrored your dedication. A soft knock on the door startled you, expecting someone at a distance, only to find a young, robust man on the other side.

Young Mbappé wasted no time in coming to your aid, concern evident in his eyes as he asked if you were alright. Despite the initial awkwardness, the session proceeded smoothly. Kylian took the opportunity to inquire about you throughout, his curiosity revealing a growing rapport. By the session's end, the young Frenchman boldly asked for your number and recommended you as his preferred physiotherapist to the trainers, advocating for all future appointments to be with you.

As the French training camp concluded, a deep friendship tinged with burgeoning affection had blossomed between you both, culminating in several dates that emboldened you to begin a relationship that proved profoundly positive for you both.

Over time, you gradually opened up more to Kylian. While he couldn't fathom or justify the challenges your father had imposed on your mother and you, he was resolute in not letting you slip away, grateful for the fortune of meeting you.

Following intense matches filled with surprises, including Kylian breaking his nose in one, France advanced to the semifinals. Despite being French, he understood and respected your steadfast support for Spain, a country synonymous with peace and security for you. Despite France treating you kindly in recent years, your bond with Spain remained unshakeable. And while you supported Spain nationally, Kylian knew he held a special place in your heart as your favorite player.

After a long and disappointing match where France fell short against Spain, conceding victory with two goals, Kylian felt the sting of defeat. Anticipating an uncomfortable press conference probing Rabiot's reaction and Lamine's triumph, his true yearning was to find solace in your arms, the sanctuary he sought since your first embrace.

Exiting the press conference, he swiftly made his way to the locker room for a cold shower and to swap into the national team jersey. Anxious to receive one of your comforting massages, he hastened towards you. Yet upon arrival, his surprise mounted upon seeing you visibly distressed while listening to an unfamiliar older man.

His astonishment grew as he approached and heard the hurtful words of your uncle: "Even twenty years from now, you will always be a disappointment. I wonder if you've struck a deal with your boyfriend to win a bet and some money. You're a small rat who will never rise socially. My brother made a grave mistake marrying your mother."

Before you could respond, you felt his strong arms around your waist, shielding you. Kylian intervened calmly yet firmly: "Excuse me, if you don't stop speaking like that, I'll be forced to call security. I won't allow you to belittle my girlfriend or her family. If you continue, all of France will know how you treat women, and your family business will suffer."

Taken aback by Kylian's response and swift action, your uncle chose to leave the stadium. Touched deeply by Kylian's display of love and protection, tears streamed down your face as you embraced him and whispered, "Thank you so much. I don't know what I would do without you, my king."

From the moment he met you, Kylian had made a vow to himself: he wouldn't let your family inflict pain on you again.

[heavensentbabe]

𝙳𝙾𝙽'𝚃 𝚄𝙽𝙳𝙴𝚁𝙴𝚂𝚃𝙸𝙼𝙰𝚃𝙴 𝚁𝙴𝚅𝙸𝚂𝙸𝙾𝙽 💭💭

What I like about loassumption, is that you don't have to dwell on potential outcomes as 'what ifs' or 'what could've been'. You can revise, you can just embody a new state of having fulfilled whatever it is you wanted in the past. If you apply, and quit complaining about the old story, you'll find this liberating.

1. The old story doesn't exist anymore, you're completely removed from it. If it comes back to you in thoughts, correct it with the new story.

2. Don't worry, you're not practicing perfection. It's alright if you fall out of the new state and back into the old story again; you can spiral. Please allow yourself the space to make mistakes, allow yourself to be human. As long as you pick yourself up again.

3. As long as you keep consistently coming back to the new story, and stick with it, you're doing well. Wake up thinking from it, sleep thinking from it. Even the gap between morning and night, you're coming back to the state.

4. Relish in that new state, the same way you've always dwelled in negative states in the past. Marinade in the fact that you have all it is that you want, and you've already manifested it — creation is done!

5. Persist, persist, persist. So long as you don't allow the old story to be dominant anymore!

You're to be fully saturated with the new story. Whatever the hell you want, you have it. And that includes new memories, too. Revision can affect any tense. You can use it to continue a new current story, or change the story of past events.

ᴱˣᵃᵐᵖˡᵉˢ

• Don't like how that TV show ended? Revise it from the very first episode, to the details you didn't want. It ended exactly how you wanted it to end. It had the narrative you wanted it to have and everything about it is perfect now. Wow you're so powerful that you changed past events of a well known fictional series? Congratulations for using your god powerful abilities.

• You're anxious about the grades you'll get once the results come out? Revise your state; 'no I'm excited to get my grades because I know I did so well because I've always done well.' Of course you did well, of course you got distinctions. You always got distinctions. Your worst mark is an 80 % .

• You felt like your hair hasn't been healthy/ growing for years? Revise it. Your hair has always been healthy. You only have memories of people complimenting your hair.

• You're not comfortable in your body shape/appearance? Revise it. You were always meant to look the way that made you comfortable. Right now, you're so comfortable in your body and skin. You feel so content in your desired body, you look exactly the way that you feel about yourself now. Everything is perfect!

𝘠𝘰𝘶 𝘊𝘢𝘯 𝘚𝘵𝘢𝘳𝘵 𝘗𝘳𝘢𝘤𝘵𝘪𝘤𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘐𝘵 𝘕𝘰𝘸, 𝘋𝘢𝘪𝘭𝘺

At the end of the day, think from when you woke in the morning. Where did you wake up? How did you wake up looking like? Is there a desired person beside you? Did you wake up in your desired mansion? What is your daily routine of your desired lifestyle? Did you go to your desired job?

You don't have to be that detailed about your daily revisions. As long as everyday you're living the life you wanted. You can revise in any technique. Visualizing how the day went, journaling it — writing it down in your diary, voice recording how your day went etc.

Please utilize it, it's so perfect if you have an issue with constantly embodying states or if you may have shitty days! And you don't just revise by the end of the days, you can revise on the spot!!

For example, let's say you're out & about and you're driving/walking passed advertising boards. And you're living in the end as a fashion model!

Well, those boards you passed by had your face in them. You saw your face there and oh my god you're so famous because it's at least twelve boards you spotted your face in!

It can be really as simple as scrolling through your phone, and revising that every social platform you go to, you see people using your face as their avi.

Revision can be used in so many ways, don't waste it.

[edenfenixblogs]

hey, gentile here. just came across this post of yours and, first of all- it's SUPERB. it showed me a perspective on being a jewish ally that i really wouldn't ever have considered by myself, made me more confident in my choice to put combating jew-hatred above the friendships I've recently lost, and gave me a really useful direction on where to go as an ally to jewish people onwards. that being said, there's a few details about it I'd like to press you about, if it's not too much trouble.

this point is probably worthy of an eyeroll as i'm a culturally christian atheist (making a concious effort to not be *that* kind of atheist), but: when you refer to G-d as the creator of all things, you stress that that includes evil- but that, in so doing, G-d is not evil themself. now, I'm asking this with the express purpose of you correcting me, so: why does this G-d- as a G-d fundamentally distinct from the Christian conception of God as a Super-Mega-Ultra-Perfect God Who Can Do No Wrong Ever- create evil? i, personally, have been led to believe by @/spacelazarwolf that it is simply because G-d, too, makes mistakes just like any human being, but the way you worded it in this paragraph (which I've included as a screenshot below) had me interpret G-d creating evil as a concious, intentional action. did i just not read it correctly? and, if i didn't, then is the reason G-d creates evil part of this central struggle you went in detail into in the same paragraph, and as such, a very individual part of Jewish belief that no two jews agree on? and if that is so, would you be comfortable with sharing your version of it?

a few paragraphs after that one, you dedicated many words to make it absolutely crystal clear that, in the process of unlearning and combating jew-hatred in the society around me, i should, in spite of the vitriol that they propagate, love the former friends i lost to antisemitism. how- and *why* should i love the people who, on an early october 8th morning, actively celebrated the news of a massacre of Israeli civilians? who mocked- and still mock- the survivors and the families of hostages? who wield the memory of the holocaust as a baton against Jewish people's right to self defense? who deify terror groups who are up to their necks in atrocities? who make an active effort to spit on the face of *reality?* How could i possibly look at the face of a friend who chose allegiance to a terrorist group she did not even know existed four months ago over me- who she had actively interacted with for much longer?

would you rather we called ourselves "gentiles" or "goyim?" I've been calling myself a gentile for the longest time because i see jamming a word from a language i don't speak at all in an otherwise english sentence to be disrespectful and constitute appropriation, but you and other jumblr blogs have given me the impression that that is not the case. furthermore- i believe it was @/bambahalva who pointed out the usage of the word "gentile" in antisemitic segregation policies.

that is all- i hope this message finds you well. oh, yeah one more thing- what do you think of The Forward news network? i came across them by chance and next thing i knew I'd gotten into their newsletter.

WARNING: I HAVE FINISHED WRITING THIS AND IT'S LONGER THAN I EXPECTED AND ALSO MORE JEWISH THAN I EXPECTED LOL! I have done the most Jewish possible thing I could do and answered all of your questions with questions. I'm sorrryyyyyy! This is what happens when you grow up surrounded by rabbis and future rabbis! LMAOO

Oooh! What a good ask! I love this ask. OK, so! Let's go in order.

First of all, thank you so much for your kind words. And thanking you for backing your words with the action of prioritizing kindness over hatred. It matters. More than I can ever explain. Thank you.

You know, it's funny. People ask me a lot of questions about i/p that they think will have simple and straightforward answers that just don't. And I end up writing a lot of essays because of this. The questions you wrote me seem like they should be complex, but feel relatively straightforward to me.

Now, to your first bullet point: I don't know. I truly do not know. I think that G-d is fundamentally just...G-d, and in so being, G-d is truly unknowable to me. I think many Jews have many different interpretations on why G-d creates evil. I'm no rabbi, but one of my BFFs is and so is her mother and great grandfather. That doesn't give me any kind of authority. It just means I've spent a lot of time thinking about theological questions like this. As for my perspective, I'm a progressive/reform Jew, not a humanistic Jew. I do actually believe in G-d, but I vibe with the community philosophies of Humanistic Judaism a lot. So that's the perspective I'm coming from here:

I'm not a particular fan of the Book of Job, because I think it gets twisted and interpreted in Christian ways more than most Hebrew books and it can too easily be twisted into a "Don't question G-d, because G-d is perfect" narrative that I find to be fundamentally at odds with how I practice Judaism. Also, it's just a very sad story about how a good and kind man lost everything, and it makes me sad to think about. HOWEVER, that traditional "Don't question G-d" narrative is not how I learned to think about that book. The way I learned it, I believe the Book of Job describes this issue most explicitly. After Job loses everything he holds dear and talks to all his friends and begs again and again "Why? Why did G-d do this to me? Why would G-d do this to me when I'm a good person?" And basically G-d hears everyone answering for G-d with various reasons, "Maybe you were bad." "Maybe you should make an offering" Maybe this. Maybe that. And eventually G-d responds from within a storm (paraphrased of course) 'Why the fuck do you think it's your business to know? I made the whole universe! I made everything you see. I made the world that gave you your family in your first place. Why do you think you get to question my motives?'

The way I always interpreted that is: I don't fricking know! It's not really my business. What am I gonna do? Stop G-d? How does my knowing why G-d creates evil help anything? It doesn't mean we don't question G-d. It means we should instead focus on what we CAN control. I can't make 10/7/2023 not happen any more than I could stop The Holocaust or form an ocean. That's divine business, not human business. What I CAN do is make the world better now. What use is it challenging things that we cannot change? Things that are in the past? What's the point of asking why bad things happen when we can instead focus on stopping more bad things from happening. G-d named us his people when Abraham fought with G-d to stop the destruction of Sodom and Gomorrah. Abraham repeatedly asked, "But are you sure? But what if there are 100 good people? 50 good people? 10 good people?" And G-d kept responding, basically, 'I mean, there aren't. I know this cuz of how I'm G-d and know all the things. But knock yourself out looking.' My interpretation of this was that G-d doesn't get mad when we do our utmost to help our fellow human beings. G-d gets mad when we waste our energy that we could be using to help our fellow man to instead be angry and rage futilely against the past. I say this as someone with PTSD as someone who attempted to stop a tragedy from occuring and failed and can never understand why. What informs my trauma and what makes it so hard to get past isn't that G-d allowed it to happen. It's that people did. It's that I begged for help before it happened--over and over and over to dozens of adults in various positions of authority in order to prevent this terrible thing from happening (no, I will not now or ever disclose what that thing is). And all the people who could have helped failed me, and now two people are dead. Because someone did an evil, evil thing. And a bunch of other people let it happen. I'm not mad at G-d. I'm mad at people. And yet, I also know that hating people and finding reasons to dismiss them and despise them is what leads to more tragedies like that happening. So, despite my rage, truly the only thing to do is to love people. It's the only that helps. It's the only thing that repairs the world. It's the only thing that we can control. So, in short, my answer to "Why does G-d create evil?" is "Why should I spend my valuable time on earth trying to answer that question when, instead, I can spend that same exact amount of time asking millions of people, 'How can I help? What's wrong, and how can I help make any part of it better?'?" We don't need to understand G-d to make the world a better place. I'm fine leaving G-d stuff to G-d and spending my time on the human stuff.

Now, your second bullet point. Love their souls. You don't have to love what they've done. But they are human beings, as are we all. I think this can also easily be twisted into the Christian framework of "Hate the sin, love the sinner," but that's not what I mean at all. People's evil deeds are a part of them. They need to take responsibility. There is no divine absolution for crimes that people do unto each other in Judaism. If you harm a person, G-d cannot forgive you for that. Only the person or people you harmed can forgive you. And to a certain degree, we are all defined by our actions toward others. And so, no. I do not forgive the terrorists who woke up and decided to kill a bunch of Israelis and Israeli-adjacent humans. I do not forgive those who celebrate the deaths of Israelis because of some misguided sense of justice. I do not forgive the people who continue to send me hatred and death threats day after day after day after day. And I do not love the parts of them that did and do those horrible, unforgivable things. But my goodness. They were babies once. They either had parents who love(d) them, which is so sad, because they have this life of love and they chose instead to fill it with so much hate. Or they didn't have any parents or loved ones or anyone to guide them and, my goodness. That is so sad. How terrifying and alone that must feel. Maybe they have friends and family who love them and are instead wasting their precious time on this planet directing their energy at raging against me and 15 million other Jews they've never met. Or maybe they don't have anyone who loves them and they think that hating me and harming me will bring them some sense of purpose and joy. What a horrid way to live.

My Grandpa died last year. I have a wonderful family for whom I'm very grateful, and I even have good memories with my Grandpa. But he was not a good person. He came from an abusive home, and weaponized that abuse on his loved ones until he drove them all away. He was a narcissist. Not in the pop psychology sense. But in the actual clinical sense. He ruined every relationship that ever mattered to him--personal and professional. And in the end, because of his own actions, he died alone. He had pushed everyone so far (often with legal threats and action) that when he died, he laid on a slab for weeks because nobody could figure out who to call, because he had no one left. (For reference, Jewish burials are supposed to happen rather quickly and two weeks is...not good.) He was the only person in his generation who was not born in Israel--my family on his side has lived in Israel since looooong before even the British Mandate and he was the only person in his family born and raised in the US. As far as we can tell, the family on that side has been in Israel for as long as Jews have existed. He was religious. And while I've never been to Israel or met any of my family there, he did go. And he kept in touch with his relatives there before driving them away too. He was a wealthy man, but convinced himself that everyone only wanted him for his money and then decided to horde it instead. He left nothing to his children or to me. He left all his money in an endowment to his university--a place that uses that money to fund anti-Israel organizations now. He died alone, without his family that lived nearby, and with a legacy that will now cause active harm to the family that lived far away. He could have died surrounded by the loved ones from around the world who wanted nothing more than to be near him and loved by him. His story is a tragedy. The story of every person who chooses hatred over love is a tragedy. The story of someone who woke up and chose to murder others or to delight in the death of others is a tragedy. I love the soul in the center of these people. I loved my grandfather. I could not be around him. I cannot forgive some of the things he said and did. But I love the person he could have been. I love the part of him that gave me some good memories. I love the family he gave to me.

No, we do not all need to love or forgive those who have wronged us or terrorized us or murdered our loved ones. But that is different from mourning a human soul. From loving the potential of a human soul to do good in the world, and mourning the loss of that soul and its potential. Every human being--every single one no matter what they have done in their lives--has the potential to create goodness and make the world a better place. Every moment of every single day is a new chance to meet that challenge and do our best. Sure, not all of us have it in us to try our best every single moment. Sometimes life is hard and we're sad and tired and hungry and angry. And that's ok, because we have tomorrow, and an hour from now, and a minute from now. But the moment someone chooses to take action and decides that action should be to cause another harm or celebrate the harm that was caused? That's a tragedy. And when a life is extinguished, that is a life that loses its potential to try again and do better. We shouldn't love people because we deem them worthy of love. We should love people because they are people. And so are we. And how wonderful is that? I could choose to hate them. It would be so easy! But why should I do that? What do I gain? What do they gain? And isn't it so wonderful that I chose to love instead? And isn't it so wonderful that you can, too?

As for your final bullet point: I have no preference. I say goyim cuz it's easier for me. Goy/gentile/non-Jew are all fine to me. I have some icky feelings about the word gentile for a variety of linguistic reasons I won't bore you with. But some other people don't like when non-Jews appropriate Yiddish words. Others (including me) find it wonderful when non-Jews call themselves goyim. All my closest non-Jewish people call themselves goyim, including my sister! Non-jew is the most neutral in English and least likely to offend anyone. But it still separates Jews as an other whereas "goy" is a way to distinguishing yourself from Jews while also being an acknowledgment of our culture. As far as I'm concerned as long as a goy is being a goy (ally, positive) rather than a goy (derogatory) I don't mind that they call themselves goyim. LOL! Idk, friend. Do what makes you happy! What do you prefer?!

Regarding The Forward news network: They are a reliable Left-Center source with a high credibility and reporting rating and only one failed fact check in the past five years for which they issued a correction. I would consider them a reliable source. They cover legitimate issues of people who support Palestinan self-determination ostensibly being punished for their stances. They publish Op-eds critical of Netanyahu, who is terrible. And they address how antisemitism is harming diaspora Jews. They seem to consistently emphasize the humanity of everyone, which you can tell based on the rest of my post is very important to me, but they also avoid over-editorializing on news that is not in the Op-Ed section. I'll never endorse any source as perfect or guaranteed to be free of problems or harm or bad takes, but they do seem to make a genuine effort to be factual, clear, and wholly truthful. Note: I highly recommend that everyone installs the Media Bias/Fact Check extension on their web browsers. Get in the habit of checking and evaluating sources critically. It's a skill that will serve you your whole life.

@clawdia-houyhnhnm I hope this helps. And thank you for your thoughtful ask and commitment to intercultural understanding. <3

[astrojulia]

Super Detailed Pick a Pile: Everything about your soulmate

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DISCLAIMER. These general free readings are made in good faith for entertainment purposes. I tried my best to leave it gender neutral, but one word or another might have escaped (Portuguese is a language where all words have gender). Also, this post is a remake of a old post of mine.

Warnings: +18 content

Hello Siren!

The Soulmate PAC is an old post of mine from another tumblr, so I wanted to remake this. This pick a pile was inspired by my full soulmate reading with you can purchase here as Sirens and Pirates, but this PAC is smaller than a SnP. It is a general reading, so pick what resonates. Each pile was made with a different tarot and was used 66 card per pile.

How to choose a pile

When you have different cards to choose from in pile 1,2,3… look at each of those cards. Wait until someone reminds you of a memory. Perhaps a character’s outfit resembles one of your own. It is this pile that has its message. What if they all remind me of something? Go for the one with the strongest memory, one might look like her earring but another might be the favorite candy you got from your grandma when you vacationed at her house. But what if none reminds me of something? Take a deep breath and wait a little longer, without charging yourself or creating worries. Relax, some will awaken some memory in you, I promise! .

Open the image for better quality!

Pile 1 - So this is Love

To find a compatible partner, one must let go of the past and embrace new opportunities for love. Feeling betrayed and exhausted by past experiences, individuals often retreat into a self-imposed cocoon, avoiding further romantic entanglements. Some even convince themselves that love is not meant for them, focusing on other aspects of their lives. However, deep down, they yearn for a loving partnership and dream of finding a soul mate. It is essential for them to regain faith in love, as that is when it will manifest itself.

This person will possess an exotic allure, standing out in a predominantly white environment if you live in one, or appearing Asian in a predominantly black community, and so on. They will exhibit distinctively masculine features, and if you are attracted to men, they will maintain a well-groomed full beard. Their physique will be muscular, possibly bearing scars from past conflicts. Despite their actual age, their appearance might suggest a weathered and tired countenance. They exude an air of confidence and vibrancy, always seeming to know their direction. Their posture is upright and correct, with a preference for looking straight ahead rather than sideways. When engaging in conversation, they make direct eye contact, conveying the need for face-to-face interaction. Symbolic tattoos, usually discreet in size, may adorn their body—a relic from their youth, which they have come to accept. Their hair color tends to lean towards shades of brown and red.

This person is naturally seductive and charismatic, a born leader who is sociable, diligent, focused, and selfless. They possess intelligence and have nurtured dreams and clear goals since childhood. They likely aspired to a particular profession from an early age, devoting extra time to study during high school to pass entrance exams for their desired schools and colleges. Due to financial constraints within their family, they started working at a young age to fulfill their desires beyond the essentials. Consequently, they appear fatigued at times, but their relentless work ethic remains unwavering. They admire hardworking individuals, especially those who hold them in high regard. Though they have experienced numerous relationships, ranging from serious commitments to fleeting encounters, they currently prefer to avoid emotional involvement, except with the right person.

You may encounter this individual at unexpected moments: perhaps attending the funeral of a distant relative, neighbor, or coworker; during a minor street accident resulting in minor vehicle damage; dropping a beverage from their hand (often on a beach); while visiting a theme park like Disney; at a job promotion celebration; or attending a lecture on physical or mental health.

You will enter into a serious relationship after 8 weeks of getting to know each other, primarily during the spring and summer seasons.

They will treat you as the love of their life, someone who gives their existence purpose. Each day, their love for you will grow, expressed through affectionate words and small gestures. Despite this, you may sense a certain barrier between you, and even with all their declarations of love, you may not feel entirely secure. However, addressing this issue relates to your own self-esteem. Even though they deeply love you, they will still value their own individuality and require personal space. They will involve you in their activities, making choices for dates that cater to your preferences, and they will strive to give you gifts that truly please you. They will enjoy carrying you and playfully tickling you. They will appreciate your body as a masterpiece and, over time, being vulnerable and exposed before you will feel natural, without any shame, as they demonstrate their profound love for you.

What captivates you most about them is their resilience in overcoming numerous challenges without losing their essence, despite the cruelty they may have faced. You will be among the few who understand the reasons behind their chosen path—a path driven by both pain and love. For instance, they may be an oncologist due to the loss of both parents to cancer or a bricklayer due to their past experience with homelessness. They are exceptionally genuine, preferring to confront the truth and accept its consequences rather than resorting to repeated lies. They treat everyone they encounter as equals, greeting all with kindness. They likely possess fluency in three languages. Although they possess great strength, they openly express their emotions, unashamed to shed tears if they identify as a man.

One aspect that may challenge your acceptance is their proclivity for swearing. You may often feel bewildered around them, as they may not take the time to explain things for your comprehension—it is your responsibility to manage your own understanding. When angry, they may speak in another language to avoid upsetting you, as they may scold you during such moments. They prefer communication through written messages, meaning you may never hear their voice if you're physically distant. They may struggle to measure their words, often unintentionally causing you pain. Additionally, they tend to speak rapidly, causing you to feel overwhelmed or lost.

They will teach you to cultivate kindness towards others, to genuinely love people without expecting anything in return. They will show you that you don't have to depend on others to attain your desires, emphasizing your complete independence and worthiness of receiving what you seek. They will inspire an entrepreneurial spirit within you and reinforce the belief that you deserve boundless love.

They enjoy teaching you one of their languages, particularly their native tongue. Couples therapy or visits to a psychologist/therapist are activities they appreciate. They are diligent about reminding you to schedule doctor appointments and even notify you when it's been a year since your last dental check-up. They also take pleasure in watching drama series or engaging in educational content, such as medical or science-related shows.

They admire your ability to rely on intuition when making decisions. Your strong familial bonds resonate with them, and if you have children, they will always express that you are the best parent in the world, crediting you with creating such a wonderful family. They appreciate your idealistic perspective on life, even if it occasionally diverges from realism. They value your commitment to fairness and your desire to contribute to society by helping others as much as possible.

When you're feeling down, they shower you with "silly" messages, including affectionate words, memes, and short funny videos featuring adorable animals. They provide calming medicine or any other assistance you need, respecting your choices and existing medical treatments. They indulge in small gestures like buying candies, chocolates, or trinkets. They also understand the importance of giving you space for introspection and solitude.

They envision a lifelong partnership with you, even until death separates you. They see both of you evolving together and dream of passing away side by side or in close succession, as they cannot fathom a moment of their existence without you. They perceive your relationship as an incredible partnership where mutual support endures in every possible aspect, forever.

They tend to be more dominant, taking pleasure in generating ideas and planning for the future. They enjoy assuming a leadership role and having precise knowledge of long-term plans, often organizing and exerting control in various aspects of their lives.

While they possess a forgiving nature, they have a strong memory and never truly forget the hurtful words or actions directed at them. They strive to avoid crossing dangerous boundaries that may inflict further pain. Similarly, they may feel inclined to comment on past mistakes you've made, but they understand it is not right to do so. They will pretend that nothing happened and that it doesn't bother them, but in reality, it does. When they are angry or when a conflict arises, they prefer to disengage and walk away, avoiding involvement in such confrontations.

They are deeply grateful for all the gestures you do for them, and they show their appreciation through actions rather than words. They consider themselves the luckiest person in the world to have you by their side, and they always strive to reciprocate by going above and beyond. For example, if you make them a coffee, they will prepare dinner for you.

They maintain a high level of honesty with you, sharing the events and experiences that have shaped their life since you met. However, they tend to avoid discussing their past, as they feel more protected by focusing on the present and future. They prioritize sharing relevant information and memories that have left a lasting impact. If you inquire about something that happened at their workplace and they haven't mentioned it, they may simply state that they didn't notice or didn't consider it important to discuss. They only speak about what they deem necessary and tend to avoid indulging in gossip or trivial matters.

While they may adjust certain habits you find displeasing, their core essence remains unchanged. Their life goals and dreams are not influenced by external factors.

They have a possessive streak and can experience jealousy, considering you as theirs. However, they place a great deal of faith in you and firmly believe in your loyalty. They take pride in showcasing you like a trophy and may become uncomfortable when others get too close.

When it comes to kissing, they engage in playful banter and tend to use a lot of tongue. They enjoy sharing laughter during these moments. They appreciate both long, passionate kisses that leave them breathless and the tender stolen kiss of a first encounter. While they possess a good understanding of kissing techniques, it doesn't guarantee that every kiss will be the best of your life, as some moments can be a bit awkward.

To express their affection for you, they often demonstrate it by giving you something you expressed a strong need or desire for. If they are not skilled in a particular craft, they may purchase a valuable item like a perfume you mentioned wanting. However, if their profession allows, such as being a woodworker, they might create a bookcase that you mentioned needing. This is how they initially convey their growing feelings for you.

They express a strong desire to get married, viewing it as a way to solidify the relationship and eliminate any competition. Marriage provides a sense of security for them, ensuring that they don't have to worry about losing you to someone else. They particularly value a civil marriage, as it allows for a name change, and they would be delighted if you choose to adopt their last name. Their proposal will be serious and formal, perhaps even appearing as if something tragic has happened. They also express an inclination towards a religious wedding, especially if they are Catholic. If you agree, the ceremony will take place in a church with a large number of guests.

Here are some nicknames they might affectionately call you: spitfire, princess, queen, sleeper, traitor, apple, star, jack of all trades.

When they start falling in love, they prefer to first discuss the relationship with their family. Until they gain their family's approval, they are hesitant to discuss the relationship with others. Their family's endorsement is crucial for them to move forward, and during this time, only you will be aware of their feelings. Once they have their family's support, they proudly introduce you to everyone. They enjoy picking you up from work or wherever they are, using the opportunity to show that they are with you. When people mention you, they respond with a silly laugh and proudly say, "Yeah, I'm dating them." They express their affection in a loving and respectful manner, not overly clingy but seeking physical contact and affection.

They prefer to engage in small displays of affection in public, such as holding hands and giving light kisses. They do not feel the need to showcase their intimate life, as they consider it a more private matter. However, they find it exciting when you flirt with them in public, building anticipation until you're alone together. They have no qualms about you wearing clothing that highlights your body; they see it as normal and don't feel embarrassed.

They possess culinary skills and are self-sufficient in the kitchen. They also excel at negotiation and can secure discounts when making purchases. They make a point to greet people they encounter and can communicate with individuals you may not be able to due to their proficiency in multiple languages.

They enjoy making love promises, expressing their deep love for you and emphasizing your importance in their life. However, they won't do this excessively, as they are rational and prefer not to repeat themselves. They derive great pleasure from surprises, both big and small. Traveling is one of their greatest passions, and they may express a desire to have a romantic getaway with you in Venice. They are likely to send you frequent short messages expressing their fondness for you, rather than constantly repeating the same declarations of love.

They assist you in making difficult decisions by presenting the pros and cons of each option. Moreover, they actively seek out opportunities for you, stepping in to help if you're unemployed. However, they never do your job for you; instead, they offer support and assistance when needed, such as helping you with a project or task.

Participating in social events, parties, and gatherings is important to them, and it contributes to their satisfaction with the relationship routine. If they are unable to go out, party, or even have a gathering at home, they may become quite upset. They also enjoy friendly competition with you, finding joy in games that have a winner, which adds excitement to their daily routine.

They aren't particularly sensitive to others' pain. If you're upset and crying, they may inquire if there's a way to solve the problem. If there isn't, they might question why you're crying excessively. They are observant and can discern your emotional state, but if your day is bad, they won't repeatedly ask how you're doing. They tend to address the matter once and then move on, not inclined to give multiple chances. If you express your desires or feelings to them, they will understand and make an effort to accommodate you. However, if you don't communicate openly, they may be aware that something is amiss but won't take action. They value direct communication.

While they consider the relationship to be a source of strength and comfort, it doesn't hinder them from pursuing their personal goals and aspirations. They view the relationship as a partnership built on trust and mutual respect. They would loathe giving up their job to live a confined life for any reason. They highly value their freedom.

They have triumphed in various battles and competitions, perhaps winning sports competitions during their high school years. However, what truly stands out to them in life is the resilience they developed from experiencing hunger and homelessness.

Physical touch isn't their preferred means of showing affection. Instead, they opt for brief, light touches to remind you of their presence. They aren't inclined towards strong hugs or prolonged clinginess. They express their affection through frequent texting (yes, they enjoy texting), engaging in late-night conversations, and, as you mentioned, through sexual intimacy.

When they miss you, they tend to eat a lot and may also indulge in adult content as a means of "relieving" their longing. Additionally, they may find solace in activities such as gardening or building something while you're away. At work, they may work overtime when they know you won't be around.

If you happen to have to work elsewhere and be separated from them, they would patiently wait for you to return, even if it takes up to seven years. They wouldn't change their current location if it's where they want to be, but if you needed to go far away, they would eagerly await your return. They firmly believe that love is something that is nurtured and built upon, and they are committed to building something meaningful with you every single day, regardless of the circumstances.

Pile 2 - Kiss the girl

Your soul mate does not reside where you currently live. They are from another state or even a different country. Your nationalities are vastly diverse, and that is why you will only encounter them once you venture beyond your familiar surroundings. You will cross paths with them when you undergo a profound transformation that reshapes your foundations, prompting you to start afresh and pursue the dreams you have harbored. Even then, despite any challenges or setbacks, you persevere and meticulously plan for a new beginning. It is in this juncture of rebuilding and expansion that you will find your soul mate. Alternatively, they may enter your life after a significant and positive transformation, when your long-cherished aspirations finally materialize, and you begin charting new paths to build upon your achievements. Another possibility is that you will encounter them when embarking on a new journey following a setback or a momentous victory.

Physically, they possess a well-defined and sturdy bone structure. Their body naturally carries a certain weight, and their features exhibit a square shape. Their skin tone is naturally dark, which may be attributed to their race or a sun-kissed complexion. They radiate a lively and dynamic aura, constantly in search of their true love. When you two meet, it will feel as if you have found your missing half. They will bear a resemblance to their ancestors and may have a distinctive accent. They prefer to dress in dress shirts, lightweight attire, and coats. Despite being dynamic and fun-loving, their posture tends to be closed and serious, as if their mind is open while their body remains guarded.

Spirituality holds significant importance for them. They have a profound sense of a life mission and feel a calling that drives them to tap into their inner power. They are deeply devoted, not to a specific entity, but to making the world a better place. They possess unwavering faith in humanity and strive to uplift it. In everyday life, they maintain a certain level of reserve and mystery. They do not easily reveal their true selves or allow others to feel too close and comfortable around them, as they cherish their personal space. They are dreamers who long for the next generation to surpass the current one, both in terms of personal growth and global betterment. Family holds immense significance to them, and they carry the lessons and values imparted by their own lineage. Consequently, they aspire to create their own family and pass down those intergenerational teachings.

You may cross paths with your soul mate in various settings: at a waterfall, within an orphanage, school, or children's establishment, during a business meeting, at a volunteer-driven Thanksgiving gathering, in a marketplace, at a street fair, or even under a sky adorned with rainbows. It will be a relationship in which neither of you needs to explicitly ask if it is serious or not. You will naturally come together without uttering the words "Will you date me?" After approximately eight weeks of getting to know each other, you will seamlessly transition into being lovers without the need for verbal confirmation. It will simply be an unspoken understanding between you both.

They are a very romantic individual, albeit a bit awkward. It seems that there's always something getting in their way due to their natural clumsiness. For example, they might buy a bouquet of flowers, but somehow manage to get it wet. Despite these quirks, they are deeply passionate and faithfully devoted to you. They perceive you as a flame, something that can both provide warmth and comfort, yet also have the potential to hurt and destroy. As a result, they both admire and fear your immense power. They often recognize your capabilities even when you may not see them yourself. They also have a strong sexual nature and view it as an essential aspect of the relationship. They have various desires and kinks, and they envision exploring them with you. While they see you as an equal, they also feel a need to protect you. You may notice that they instinctively position themselves in front of you, acting as a shield, especially when you're out in public or among strangers.

One of their most endearing qualities is their generosity. They don't consider money when it comes to buying things for you. If you ask for something, they will purchase it for you, especially if they have the means to do so. Even if they are wealthy, they won't hesitate to buy whatever brings you joy, regardless of the price. They also have a deep love for their work and are highly dedicated to it. They are constantly seeking ways to improve and make changes in their professional life, always planning for the future. Their physical appearance is important to them, and they take great care to maintain a clean and groomed appearance, including regular haircuts, showers, and clean nails. You find their beauty captivating, and you are particularly drawn to their romantic nature. Even when you try to play hard to get, you can't resist their declarations of love.

However, you may struggle to fully accept that they have experienced happiness with others in the past. Even if you have a stable relationship, you may find yourself comparing yourself to their previous partners and feeling inadequate because you didn't have the opportunity to share those moments with them. They may also have family connections or privileges that you envy, such as being from an influential family or inheriting generations of secrets and traditions. Furthermore, they may have greater financial stability than you, which can make you feel as though you constantly have to work hard for everything while they effortlessly thrive. While your family may readily accept them, their family may not be as accepting of you.

They will teach you the importance of staying true to yourself, even during the most challenging times. They will encourage you to remain faithful to both people and your beliefs, and to never lose faith. They will inspire you to cultivate strength in all aspects of your life, including your mental and physical well-being. They will help you learn to love and accept yourself as you truly are, embracing your flaws and working on self-improvement while breaking free from any psychological constraints you may have developed over time.

If you practice divination, they will be your most frequent client. They are willing to pay for your services but also genuinely value the insights you provide. They enjoy engaging in religious and mystical activities with you, whether it's attending church or participating in a witches' congregation. They also have an affinity for aquariums and may even desire to have a fish that you can care for together or enjoy going fishing as a shared activity. They particularly relish engaging in more challenging sexual positions. Sometimes, they find pleasure in simply gazing at you, admiring your presence, especially when you're immersed in something you enjoy.

They admire the way you bring humor and fun into serious moments, even when maintaining a more serious posture. Your sarcasm holds a special appeal to them. They also appreciate how you take charge of situations, confidently asserting yourself and becoming a commanding presence in times of high stress. You lead when things seem dire and dark, but once they improve, you pass the leadership role to someone else. They admire your personal history and achievements, often considering your accomplishments to be unimaginable for anyone else. They enjoy witnessing moments when you proudly share your successes and enthusiastically discuss your past or future plans. Your constant dreaming and pursuit of fulfilling your desires resonate with them. They also appreciate your inclination to help others, whether through your profession or in your daily interactions.

When you're feeling down, they are quick to make tea or prepare a remedy passed down from their mother, who seemingly has a cure for every kind of pain. In more serious situations, they have the car keys in hand, ready to take you to the doctor or hospital if necessary. They are willing to engage in conversations to understand if you're facing psychological or emotional challenges, offering support. If it appears that you require professional assistance, they will accompany you and ensure you receive the necessary help, even if it means spending the entire day at appointments.

They envision a future where you excel in your chosen field, or at the very least, gain significant recognition. They are always eager to learn something new and plan to take courses well into their 70s. They will encourage you to join them on this learning journey. They aspire to become an exceptional teacher or mentor in their field, and as they near the end of their life, their primary desire is to impart knowledge and educate others. They hope that you will either teach alongside them or attend all their classes. They also express a strong desire to have children, and the number of children they envision having depends entirely on your preference. Whether it's one, two, three, four, or more, the decision is ultimately yours. They see the two of you remaining youthful at heart, always striving to bring joy to the world in some way.

Their dominant or passive nature tends to fluctuate depending on the situation. Sometimes, they have no strong opinions and allow you to take charge entirely, while in other instances, they may argue their perspective and strive to do things their way. However, they are skilled at making you believe that they are doing what you want, when in reality, it was their plan all along. They are not inclined to use verbal aggression or engage in direct confrontation. Instead, they persistently pursue their own interests until they achieve their desired outcome.

Occasionally, they can experience outbursts of anger, saying and doing things that are uncharacteristic of their usual nature. They may bring up past mistakes and faults, casting you as a bad person. These moments of anger typically last for a brief period, perhaps one or two minutes, before they regain control and retreat. They often apologize swiftly after such episodes. It's worth noting that they may get over the issue quickly while you're still upset. Over time, they will engage in fewer fights, but in the initial stages of the relationship, there may be some heated arguments.

They have a significant ego, which leads them to hesitate when it comes to expressing gratitude towards you. However, deep down, they truly appreciate you. They may express gratitude if you initiate it first, and it must always be reciprocal. If you haven't praised them on a given day, they won't praise you either. Nevertheless, they genuinely value your presence and believe that you have brought immense happiness into their life. Particularly if you have children together, they will take great pride in being a parent and become extremely protective, especially if they have daughters. They are aware of everything you do for them and feel grateful, but don't expect constant reminders from them.

They tend to share their secrets only once everything is planned and in motion. They will confide in you about their plans after they have already made the necessary preparations. They may seek emotional support from you or, if you happen to be someone who practices divination, they may inquire about what the future holds. However, they are reserved by nature and prefer not to divulge everything. They believe in maintaining individuality, as knowing every detail about each other's lives can diminish the sense of excitement and mystery.

Their connection with spirituality and their mother has changed since they met you. Perhaps they didn't have a strong bond with their mother before, but with you in their life, they now view her differently. They have also become more romantic and affectionate in general, influenced by your presence. They are willing to make rational changes in various aspects of their life, such as changing colleges if they are dissatisfied, but when it comes to emotional matters and personal convictions, they are more resistant to change. While you have altered their worldview to some extent, not all aspects have undergone transformation.

Jealousy is not a significant issue for them when it comes to you. If you have children, they may feel more protective of the kids rather than being jealous of you. They appreciate your free-spirited nature, recognizing that children don't have the same level of freedom. If they do happen to experience jealousy, they might engage in activities related to the sea as a means of coping. For example, they may take you out to eat seafood, either because you enjoy it or as a way for them to destress.

Communication is more important to them than physical affection. They are skilled in the art of seduction but don't expect movie-style kisses every time. They enjoy giving you kisses, but they tend to be more gentle and playful rather than deep and intense. They take pleasure in teasing you until you're the one who initiates the kiss. It's possible that your first kiss could happen in a movie theater or as a result of their playful teasing.

To confess their love, they would recreate the most romantic scenes from a movie. They are the type to present you with a bouquet of roses, or perhaps strawberry and chocolate ones, along with a box of chocolates and a heartfelt love letter. They have a fondness for writing letters, and it's possible that they have written many letters about you, even if they were never sent.

Marriage is something they contemplate. Although they may have believed for a long time that it wasn't necessary, at some point, they will change their mind and desire to get married. Perhaps if one of you becomes pregnant, you'll both feel the urge to prepare for marriage before the baby is born. The proposal may be a simple moment of sitting on the couch, looking into each other's eyes, and asking, "Is it time to get married?" with both of you agreeing and proceeding to plan the wedding. They would prefer to have a family member officiate the ceremony, and the location is not as important to them, but they will invite a large number of guests.

During intimate moments, they use various affectionate nicknames that I cannot explicitly mention here. However, in non-sexual contexts, they may call you treasure, queen, mermaid, jewel, lioness, warrior, gladiator, gypsy, or hippie.

They have a tendency to gaze at you with longing, as if they can't take their eyes off you, even though they might deny it. They may avert their gaze, but it's apparent that they are watching you. Others may notice this because they can't stop looking at you—it's their way of showing their affection. They also enjoy assisting with physically demanding tasks that involve heavy lifting, as it allows them to showcase their strength for you. However, they may not explicitly confess their love for you.

They are not inclined to display affection openly, as they believe you could stay at home where no one else can see you. They are reserved when it comes to showing public displays of affection and prefer to keep such moments private.

They know how to take care of children, and for some reason, kids tend to get along well with them. It may seem like the children prefer them over you. They possess knowledge about condoms; that's all I have to say on the matter. They are also highly creative and full of energy, often waking up early and encouraging you to start the day early as well. They are an early bird.

In everyday life, they aren't particularly romantic, and you may even find them to be a bit distant at times. They express romantic gestures when they feel like it, and if they don't feel the inclination, they won't engage in such acts. However, they are quite generous when it comes to allowing you to sleep, especially if you enjoy it. They will let you stay in bed for as long as you need. They also enjoy taking short walks at night or going out for dinner.

They are the person who believes in your dreams and goals the most. When you feel tired or discouraged, they will be the one to uplift your spirits. If you hold meetings, they want to be involved, even if they aren't an employee. They are also quite helpful with accounting, writing, and every strategic aspect of your plans.

They appreciate routine and knowing what's happening on a daily basis. However, they also enjoy a bit of mystery and occasional surprises. They need to go out and do something together at least once a month, whether it's visiting a museum, going to a park, or watching a movie. The activity may vary, but they prioritize spending quality time together at least once a month.

They have a knack for learning secrets and staying informed about gossip, even more than they let on. That's why they may know a lot about you from your mother or other people, rather than directly from your own mouth. They might be the type to say, "Yes, your mother already told me that." They are attentive to your material needs, such as knowing when you'll have your period and ensuring you have an ample supply of pads. However, they may not be as attuned to your emotional needs, so you'll need to communicate with them about that.

They view being by your side as a great opportunity. They appreciate that you allocate some of your precious time to them, and they cherish those moments. They understand that they are a part of your life but not the entirety of it, and that's why they have immense respect for you. They see the relationship as an avenue for self-expression and an opportunity to open up with someone they can trust.

They tried to grow out their hair when they were younger, but it didn't work out for them. They also experimented with dyeing their hair, but that didn't work either. They have experienced being dumped multiple times, although they keep that information to themselves.

When it comes to displaying affection, they are a very discreet person. They prefer to show their affection when you're alone together, leaning against you and finding opportunities to have their hand somewhere, particularly on your thigh while driving. They have a fondness for your hair, and if you ask, they will gladly help comb it.

When you're apart or when they miss you, they have a tendency to travel somewhere else or spend time at their mother's house, and perhaps even yours.

They are the type of person who would be willing to change their religion for you, but they would not compromise their core beliefs and convictions. There are many things that they hold steadfastly to. They would also be open to changing countries if necessary.

Pile 3 - Someday My Prince Will Come

It's important for you to take a break from actively seeking your true love and soul mate. Instead, familiarize yourself with the "Law of Attraction" and understand that constantly imagining and wishing for their arrival won't necessarily make it happen. By fixating on finding them, you only increase your anxiety and stress. It's crucial to focus on your own life, pursue activities and interests unrelated to romantic pursuits, explore different subjects, engage with people from diverse backgrounds, and patiently wait for the right moment to come.

They exude a youthful and energetic aura, often appearing younger than their actual age. They have a playful and childlike nature. Their expressive mouth and nose tend to catch attention. Their fashion sense may be considered unconventional or quirky, but they embrace it. From the moment you meet, you'll feel drawn to them and desire closeness.

They are a free-spirited individual who relishes in traveling, meeting new people, trying new activities, and embarking on adventures. They have a penchant for dating but haven't experienced a lasting relationship yet. At first glance, they may resemble a charming prince, but they are not. They are not inherently bad, but they greatly value their freedom.

You may encounter them in various situations such as street fights, workplace conflicts, store quarrels, while shopping for sports or camping gear, or during competitions at work or school, as well as in team-building activities or camping trips.

Your relationship with them is likely to commence in early spring or during the month of March.

They will experience jealousy towards you and won't appreciate others getting involved with you. In the beginning, they may not take the relationship seriously, leading them to go out with you and other people simultaneously. For them, if the relationship isn't official, they don't feel the need for commitment. They aren't inclined to share their belongings freely. You will find that you have contrasting opinions on many matters, and they will frequently express fear of being betrayed. They harbor significant insecurities regarding love.

You'll particularly appreciate their appearance and presence in bed. It's undeniable. Additionally, you're drawn to their ability to construct and deconstruct things, persisting and remaking projects if needed. If they were a draftsman, you could envision their room filled with crumpled and torn papers as they persistently try again. They're a source of constant surprises, always revealing something new and unexpected when you least anticipate it.

However, you'll struggle to come to terms with the fact that they likely cheated on you early in the relationship, an experience that will linger in your memory. You'll also find yourself waiting for hours when you make plans together because they're always late. During challenging times, you'll often feel a sense of loneliness, as their support may not meet your expectations.

On the other hand, they will teach you the importance of self-love and valuing yourself. They'll guide you in nurturing your beauty and femininity, and they'll encourage you to be independent and proactive rather than relying on others. They'll remind you that you hold responsibilities for many aspects of your life and the people around you. They'll inspire faith and respect for your own cycles. They'll help you tap into your productivity and creativity.

They enjoy going out to eat with you or simply relaxing at home without any worries. They appreciate working together in group settings, be it in a professional environment, volunteering, or academia. They find pleasure in building furniture and engaging in crafting activities alongside you. They also enjoy going shopping with you.

They hold deep admiration for your diligent work ethic and your ability to manage your finances. They appreciate your dedication and unwavering conviction in pursuing your goals with passion. They notice how you radiate youthfulness, simplicity, and innocence despite the complexity of life. Your vibrant and joyful energy leaves a lasting impression.

When you're not feeling well, they typically give you some space to reflect and gather your thoughts. If there's a way for them to offer assistance, they'll show care and attentiveness, albeit maintaining a slight distance while being present during challenging times.

They envision a future filled with ups and downs, challenges, and difficulties. Despite the potential hurdles, both of you are working together and supporting one another to overcome obstacles and make things work. They have a belief in fate, trusting that whatever is meant to happen will unfold naturally, so they don't worry too much about the future. They have a sense of being protected in the future, as if things will work out fine no matter what, desiring a happy future but not dwelling on it.

They have a chaotic nature, which means they may try to dominate if not controlled, but if you can establish control, they become more passive. They enjoy venturing into new experiences but won't complain if you take the initiative to plan activities. In fact, they appreciate it as it helps them relax.

They easily forgive and forget, leaving the past behind as another story. They are focused on living in the present, addressing issues as they arise, and moving on. During conflicts, they remain quiet and observe, asking at the end, "Done? Did you calm down?"

They are deeply grateful for your help and acknowledge that you have made them wiser and more patient. They recognize the impact you've had on their personal growth and maturity, and they aim to reciprocate this favor in the future. As the years go by, they will be increasingly present in your life. Initially, relating to each other may be challenging, but this relationship is a joint construction between the two of you.

They will openly share every aspect of their life with you. Initially, it may be frustrating because they lack a filter, unaware of what should or shouldn't be said. Consequently, they express the whole truth in an abrupt and direct manner. Over time, they will improve their communication skills and become more mindful of their words. They will refrain from making fun of your haircut, even if they don't particularly like it. They will learn to adapt and be more considerate.

Through the course of your relationship, both of you will undergo significant personal growth, often catalyzed by painful experiences. You will confront fears and traumas together, making efforts to heal and overcome them. It will be a journey of discovering and addressing problems and traumas as a team.

They experience jealousy and tend to express it in a passive-aggressive manner. Instead of directly communicating their feelings, they try to make you understand through subtle actions and distancing themselves when jealous.

Their kisses are often romantic, characterized by a slow and passionate exchange. They prefer to savor the moment and engage in unhurried experiences. During these intimate times, they desire to fully immerse themselves in the present. The first kiss between you two might occur while under the influence of alcohol, with neither of you remembering the details.

They might express their affection for you after spending a night together, usually when they are tired and sleepy. However, they won't repeat what they said the next day, nor will they deny it. They will carry on as if nothing happened. They will only confess their feelings after you have already expressed your liking for them; they are too insecure to be the first to say "I love you."

In a spontaneous moment following a fight, they may propose marriage as a way to reconcile. This proposal will be impulsive and unfiltered, happening on the spot. While it's not their dream scenario, they view it as a compromise. They envision a simple and intimate wedding, perhaps in a country setting or on a beach, with close family and a few acquaintances. They prefer a wedding that is comfortable and unpretentious. You may also have the tradition of throwing rice at the newlyweds after the ceremony.

Some nicknames they might affectionately call you include: treasure, empress, devil, baby, baby girl/boy, sweetie, and nervous.

When they are interested in someone, they tend to talk to others to seek assistance in getting closer to you. They are unafraid to flirt openly and shamelessly. However, if you are oblivious to their advances, you may not notice their flirtatious behavior. To demonstrate their affection, they enjoy attending music shows and purchasing items together. Music plays a significant role in their life, and their most prized possessions could be musical instruments or CDs.

They are straightforward when it comes to relationships and may even suggest an open relationship. They act on their desires whenever they feel the impulse, regardless of the context. If they want to kiss you in front of your parents, they will do so without hesitation. They dislike conventional norms and are attracted to unconventional aspects in relationships. They enjoy taking risks.

Having worked as a bartender in the past, they possess knowledge of crafting various drinks. They also have a keen intuition and can often sense events before they occur. They feel a strong spiritual protection, which makes them believe that even in the face of a fatal accident, they will survive. They are self-aware and acknowledge both their positive and negative aspects. Additionally, they have a knack for detecting lies.

They have a great belief in you and dream even bigger than you do, sometimes to the point of being overly idealistic. For example, if you mention wanting to buy a house, they might question why you don't desire a mansion. Emotionally, they provide support and discuss dreams and desires. They may even pray for those dreams to come true. However, when it comes to taking action, they may claim not to know how to fulfill those desires if you ask them to do something.

They have a great belief in you and dream even bigger than you do, sometimes to the point of being overly idealistic. For example, if you mention wanting to buy a house, they might question why you don't desire a mansion. Emotionally, they provide support and discuss dreams and desires. They may even pray for those dreams to come true. However, when it comes to taking action, they may claim not to know how to fulfill those desires if you ask them to do something.

They have a tendency to provoke small conflicts in order to add spice to the relationship, finding excitement in the act of arguing (especially if they are a man). Most of the time, their routine remains unchanged, as they are naturally chaotic. However, their actions become predictable over time, and their behavior can become mundane. They have a strong need for social interaction and value having a circle of friends. They also have a desire to have a pet in the home.

They possess a great deal of empathy and can often explain your emotions even before you fully comprehend them yourself. They have a deep understanding of the emotional realm and are not afraid of diving into this domain. They will express their emotions while also comprehending yours. In times of uncertainty, they provide valuable assistance by helping you discover what truly brings you happiness. They can also recognize your facial expressions, even if you try to conceal your intentions.

The relationship you share is something they desired and patiently awaited, a wish that has now come true. They lead a faith-driven life, praying and seeking assistance when in need, without strictly adhering to religious dogma. Nevertheless, their prayers have been answered, and having this relationship was one of those answered prayers. Despite occasionally placing the relationship in the background, it remains one of their pillars and a source of security. They are not inclined to take an active role in the relationship because they believe that everything is always fine. Therefore, if you have any issues or dislikes, it is important for you to be proactive and express what you don't like, along with the best way to address it. Otherwise, things may remain the same because no one knows how to bring about the necessary changes.

They are very fond of games and casinos, having spent a significant amount of money on them, including video game loot boxes. It's possible they may have developed an addiction to these activities. They have a history of cheating in games and possess extensive knowledge of cheating methods to secure victories.

In terms of displaying affection, they have a particular fondness for food. When they are extremely happy, they enjoy feeding you or sharing food with you. They have expectations for reciprocation, meaning if they show you affection, they anticipate receiving something in return. They also take pleasure in twirling your hair between their fingers and touching your hair and/or head. Additionally, they have a tendency to give small trinkets and beauty products as gifts.

When they miss you or when you need to be away for a while, they often question what they did wrong to contribute to the situation. They blame themselves for any distance between you, even if it's due to work commitments. This self-blame may lead to insomnia and excessive rumination. They may isolate themselves and prefer not to spend time with others.

Despite their childlike nature, they would go to great lengths for you. While they may not go as far as cutting off a limb, they would be willing to donate a kidney for you. They would even quit drinking if you asked them to. In summary, they would do anything to earn your acceptance and make you happy.

(CC) AstroJulia Some Rights Reserved

[essektheylyss]

there's so much to love and examine in the last two episodes, but I'm still a little bit grieving the fact that Lolth made Opal fully forget Ted, which, if my understanding of the recent Luxon lore drop is correct, means she has forgotten a part of her own soul. am I understanding this correctly??? because damn. damn

I WAS THINKING ABOUT THIS AND I THINK SO BUT IT'S SO WILD like honestly it's almost Tealeaf vibes but in the opposite direction. I have no answers only questions and a lot of musings.

I do think the way the concept of the soul is established in Exandria is absolutely FASCINATING, because it has the vibe of like... an entity that cannot be fragmented in a way that destroys it. The soul is malleable but always entirely whole and essential. Molly and Kingsley, in spite of being theoretically fragments of Lucien's shattered soul, are whole (and distinct!) people. Opal is always a whole person, and Ted is seemingly distinct in the way that twins can mirror each other in many ways but are distinct regardless. (I don't really understand the past situation there admittedly because it sounds like Ted was a physically distinct person as well to the extent that other people knew her. What is UP with that Luxon cult, dammit, I need to understand this immediately.)

But the thing with this is that it has a really obvious direct analogue in canon: beacons themselves! They are, theoretically, some sort of by-products—more metaphysically, shattered pieces—of a divine entity but they all seem to contain the same infinite space within them, and the liquid dunamis notwithstanding (because I think that is less a beacon than dunamis itself), we've seen that even further broken down into smaller parts with the gems found in Aeor, which seemed to be manmade. And they too allowed a person to peer into that same space.

In theory I do wonder if this would suggest that perhaps Opal's memories are not quite as lost forever as they might seem, but it's really hard to say! I still favor the idea that dunamis is the foundational matter of the universe and that it interacts with memory as such, and if that's the case, then it's possible that whatever connection she has to the Luxon could be utilized to bring at least portions of them back, since she is not the only one who remembers Ted, and the Spider Queen can't exactly root out everyone's memories when she doesn't have a direct line into those other minds.

I don't know what any of this means and I am just rambling at this point but I am still holding so tightly to my own conceptualization of dunamis because it continues to track and I need to understand.