#and most of my answer really does boil down to This Is A Vibe

[marigoldbaker]

pls explain the jennyangel thing because i truly do not understand

yes absolutely! my jennyangel tag is a mess. it would help all of us as a society if i consolidated my thoughts.

so let's start from angel's perspective. jenny is someone who in a lot of ways metaphorically represents the enduring spirit of the girl he killed -- the girl who also changed his life by being loved, because her family made him who he is. the fact that such store is placed in that girl as a martyr to the point where her descendants are willing to serve one of their own up on a platter to angelus, putting her in close proximity to him in such a way that will place her in serious danger should he feel inclined to hurt her -- a young woman with lots of potential, her life ahead of her, moving through this world with genuinely good intentions -- is so fucking loaded. jenny being here and believing in him is really significant considering what he did to her family. she represents a chance at redemption. being forgiven by her means that there is a possibility that he, as he is, can be seen as a good person. her belief redefines his curse as something given to him to resurrect a man who she believes can do good in the world -- and i think angel would find that tempting in a whole lot of different ways.

and also -- hello! amends! jenny as the most constant face of angel's torment! jenny as the one who is most effective in pulling him down into the darkness! leaning in all close and being all touchy and whispering about how nice it would be to fuck buffy and give up! jenny represents SO MUCH to angel, even if he doesn't ever actually articulate it!

meanwhile, on jenny's side of the equation, angel is literally the same thing to her that he is to buffy and drusilla. she was introduced to the concept of him in the formative years of her life -- possibly even earlier than buffy and dru, as we'd ballpark their first encounters with him as in their teens, & jenny has known about angelus since CHILDHOOD -- and while she initially comes to sunnydale to watch him, we don't see her as ever actually dedicated to that mission. she's mostly just living her life before the (poorly written horrible bad) backstory kicks in. which, sure, retcon consequences, but also: there is this accidentally created implication that this has never been a mission jenny's wholeheartedly believed in, & that angel saving her life was really the final nail in the coffin (in more ways than one! ha ha ha). she has spent her entire childhood with the threat of him hanging over her head, and i think it would be more than natural for her to be curious in a lot of different ways, including (privately) sexually. there is nothing more Gothic Romance (and also nothing more jenny) than the allure of the forbidden, and this is a mysteriously murderous older man known as "the one with the angelic face" who ostensibly took an interest in one of jenny's family members. AND, again, this is exactly the same sitch as buffy and drusilla! she grew up in the shadows of what was done to the people around her. so much of what she became was in response to shit he did. he had a huge hand in shaping her and i think she'd have very complicated feelings about that.

i say very flippantly sometimes that i think making out would solve them, but my honest onion is i think it is such a compelling and fucked up and deeply weird dynamic & there's definitely mutual unresolved/unrealized sexual attraction in canon. i don't think it's ever anything either of them would pursue or even want to admit to -- and i also don't think that in canon it ever really becomes A Thing -- but i do absolutely think that at the very LEAST jenny considered the notion of being courted by angelus in her teens (in a subconscious sexual fantasy kinda way), even if she's mostly let go of that by the time canon starts. they have had a huge hand in shaping each other's identity and that is so weird and i think they should kiss about it.

[burningcheese-merchant]

Can we get more of all of the yandere beasts? Idk. I'm kinda feral for your headcanons

Y E S

Assorted trivia/factoids because they've been rattling around in my head for ages now

Most to least physically violent: Burning Spice (duh), Silent Salt, Shadow Milk, Mystic Flour, Eternal Sugar

Most to least horny (I mean they all are, but... idk some of them REALLY need to go to Horny Jail): Burning Spice + Shadow Milk (tied for 1st), Eternal Sugar (she doesn't necessarily act on it usually, but the thoughts are certainly there), Silent Salt + Mystic Flour (tied for last; both are actually quite sexually repressed. Salt feels guilty for ever thinking of White Lily in such a "dirty" way, so he tries very hard not to ("exaggerated disgust for sin/impurity and shame for feeling/expressing such as is often seen in religious fundamentalism" is the vibe I'm going for). For Flour, it's just another manifestation of the extreme denial of her obsession that she grapples with. It's arguably worse because there is no worldly attachment more egregious and corrosive than lust. Just another way Dark Cacao has ruined her chances at enlightenment...)

How often do they actually try to go after their Ancients?

Shadow Milk: All the time lol. A few times a month, at least. Cooldown periods between harassment attempts only because he likes to make a big, elaborate show each time he appears to Pure Vanilla, which can take time depending on what Shadow has in mind

Eternal Sugar: Not too often, really. The laziness is strong with this one lol. When she reaches out to Hollyberry, she does so in dreams or just through stalking her via the Soul Jam most of the time. Something particularly upsetting has to catch Sugar's eye to get her to actually go after Holly in person (usually involving jealousy)

Mystic Flour: No. The answer is no. She maintains as much distance from Dark Cacao as possible. Back to the Ivory Pagoda she went after he left Beast-Yeast post-battle, and in the Ivory Pagoda she shall stay. Alone. Away from him. No matter how empty everything feels without him, including herself. No matter how badly her soul aches without him there. No matter how her blood boils at the thought of someone else taking up his time and attention. Because she doesn't want to do that anyway...

Burning Spice: All the time. About the same rate as Shadow Milk, more or less: a few times a month, with cooldown periods in between (but only to heal bc Golden Cheese beats the hell out of him every time he shows up). There are times where he gets extra hungry/desperate and hunts her down more frequently; once, he stalked and attacked her at least once a week for almost two months straight. It took her dropping another building on him to send him away again.

Silent Salt: He doesn't have to "go after" White Lily, he's already there lol. He's the most "successful" of the five in this regard; he gets to be near her pretty much 24/7. She is effectively trapped in Beast-Yeast because she feels an obligation towards him (mostly towards keeping people safe from him, but also that weird sense of pity and misguided commiseration), which he takes advantage of without hesitation. He sees her pretty much every day... whether she notices him there or not. (She does, most of the time. He's actually pretty difficult to ignore, even if he's hiding from view. She just SENSES him there. It's very off-putting)

Is there any possibility for redemption of some sort? Could professional help benefit them at all?

Shadow Milk: No. Death penalty.

Eternal Sugar: No... but a boring as hell talk therapy session might at least put her to a sleep deep enough that she can't be bothered to harass Hollyberry. Maybe. (Her laziness is her downfall, really. It's all anyone can count on sometimes.)

Mystic Flour: No, but she wouldn't say no to help. She does not want to feel this way about Dark Cacao. At this point, she'd rather forget he exists at all. He can keep the Soul Jam; if that's the price she has to pay to be free from this sickness, then fine. Just give her the cure. Please. For the love of God

Burning Spice: NO. DEATH PENALTY.

Silent Salt: ...No? Probably not. It's weird. His gentleness with White Lily herself, plus his genuine efforts to try to please her, almost make it seem as though he can be reasoned with, at least to some degree. But it's what makes him so scary, in a different way from the others - and it's what helps lock White Lily in the sad, strange little cycle they're in. He keeps lulling her into a false sense of security and enticing her to believe he won't act out this time... until he inevitably does, because, ironically, he can't keep his controlling nature under control for long. He'll only "behave" as long as he believes it'll curry White Lily's favor. And as long as there's nothing and no one there to challenge him or their "bond"...

And height comparisons, just because. (These are canon for me in general, across the board. Not just in this creepy ass AU lol)

Pure Vanilla: 5'9"/179cm VS Shadow Milk: 5'9"/179cm

Hollyberry: 5'6"/170cm VS Eternal Sugar: 5'5"/167cm

Dark Cacao: 6'1"/185cm VS Mystic Flour: 5'9"/179cm

Golden Cheese: 5'7"/173cm VS Burning Spice: 6'5"/198cm

White Lily: 5'8"/176cm VS Silent Salt: 6'1"/185cm

[hybbart]

(You don't have to answer this if you really don't want to)

Question, mostly out of curiosity: Do you dislike Scott as a person, or are you just not interested in his content? (Not mad, I love your art either way)

I've talked about it before, so I don't mind. Of course it goes without saying but never hurts to say anyways that I don't care if people do like him, I don't hate him and I don't think if you do like him that you should let what I say affect your enjoyment. People have different tastes and peeves and it mostly boils down to that.

The tl;dr is I just never vibed with him, and outside forces made it even harder to try, so I just don't. I'm just not a fan.

I'd say I don't know why you would be mad that I don't care for him, but part of the reason I don't mess with him is because there are people who do.

I don't know him, so disliking him as a person isn't exactly possible.

The things that turned me off from him are just a bunch of small things. I don't care for how he talks to people, it reads condescending and reminds me of people I've known that I did not like. He says things that upset me, I find it sometimes hard to tell what's a bit and what's genuine, the way he (used to) interact with fandom made me uncomfy, and his videos just don't keep my attention. He's not someone I would have found and willingly watched if he weren't in a series with hermits, same as Martyn, Bigb, and Jimmy. There isn't one particular thing, just a lot of little things that made him Not My Guy.

Mostly, though, interacting with his fandom's ranged from okay to upsetting. He seems to attract a higher number of parasocial fans that make everyone walk on glass around them. I can understand somewhat how and why, but it doesn't change that they make fandom unenjoyable. Even just explaining this feels like a tightrope. Like I said, you shouldn't have to specify you aren't mad, and it most certainly shouldn't be relevant to me if you are. Saying I don't like Bdubs or Doc doesn't cause any anxiety or the need to explain why the way saying such about Scott does, but it's because of these types of fans who will assume the worst of you if you don't.

The only reason I was interacting with him was completionism. After he caused an absolute mess of his own controversies that made things worse, I decided to dip out. I find it hard to watch anyone after they get into public drama, so I wasn't gonna stick around for someone I never cared for to begin with.

Because of the nature of long-term SMPs, though, it is something you have to tell people sometimes, like in this instance. It's generally assumed until specified that you're at least a second-hand fan of everyone involved.

[storiesbyjes2g]

3.189 Correction

When story time ended, Sophia took Desi to the bathroom and washed away the mess. With a few moments to myself, I went to the real estate website to see our house again and choose which side we'll call home. Both houses have an identical layout, so it really boiled down to which furniture we liked more. The gray house had a more sophisticated vibe, while the blue house was more relaxed and comfortable. Choosing was a lot harder than I imagined because they both were nice, and I couldn't go wrong with either. Ultimately, however, I chose the gray one. I figured since I'm taking on all the risk, it's only right we live in the fancier one. Just as I picked up the phone to call Less and tell her we have a house, someone knocked at the front door. It was Dub! I let him in and told him I was just thinking of him yesterday. Usually he'd take the opportunity to joke about how he has that effect on sims, but he just kinda snorted and said it was funny in the driest of tones. There was nothing funny about that half-hearted laugh and him standing in the foyer staring into the corner. Something was wrong.

"Earth to Dubstep. You coming in or you gonna stand in the foyer all night?"

"Huh? Oh, yeah, I'm good."

He definitely was not good because he didn't even flinch at the mention of the nickname he hates so much. Whatever's got him in a funk is probably why he's here. He always comes to me when he's in crisis. Well, when he perceives he's in crisis, rather. I love the guy, but he's a little high-strung sometimes. I'm glad he has sims in his life like Maia and me who are much calmer and more level-headed to keep him straight.

I didn't want to just dive in and spook him, though, so I started with a little small talk.

"Happy belated," I said.

"Thanks, man," he replied with a tiny grin.

"How did Tami like sharing her day with you?"

He let out a very long sigh, and I knew I had stepped unintentionally right into the middle of what I tried to dance around. I guess we're going all the way in.

"She didn't."

"Oh."

"How do you-" He stopped himself and turned away from me. "Nevermind. You wouldn't understand."

"Understand what?"

He swatted at me, trying to sweep the conversation back under the rug.

"Nothing. You have the perfect child and all this wisdom. You don't understand what it's like for the rest of us."

Was he mocking me? I've had it up to here with everyone assuming I live this perfect life and have all the answers. I'm one of the most down-to-earth sims I know, yet somehow I still end up being out of touch with everyone. Am I too confident? Too strong? I know I've carried things I shouldn't have in the past, and I need to be more open, but how does that equate to me having it all together? I know Dub is upset about something and isn't thinking straight, so I'm gonna try to let it go this time, but not before I give him a little dose of truth because, upset or not, this fairytale everyone thinks I live in ends today.

"Do you really believe that?" I asked.

He shrugged.

"Maybe. I don't know. But I'm sure you're gonna tell me how I'm wrong, so..."

"Damn right I am. You don't know my life like you think you do. And you definitely don't know what goes on in my head. 'All this wisdom?' I got it from all the shit and mental gymnastics I've been through. Now, I'll be the first to say my child is the best, but she has her moments too. And I've had my share of parenting and marriage fails, so don't tell me I don't know what it's like."

He sat silently for a few moments, taking in my reprove. Part of me thinks all he needed was to hear me say he's not alone, but another part thinks he still needs advice on something, so I got down to business.

"What happened, Dub? I don't like seeing you like this."

"I'm sorry. I don't know why I said that."

"Don't worry about it. What's going on?"

"You ever wonder if you're ruining Desi?"

His question caught me off guard, and I laughed. He has no idea how obvious that answer should be.

"Only all the time," I said.

His eyes lit up.

"Really?"

"Of course. Did Tami come with a manual? Because we sure didn't get one. I don't know what I'm doing half the time, man, so yeah...I wonder. Like, her birthday is in two days, but I'm still carrying her around like an infant. She enjoys it, so it's cool, but is it hurting her? Will she want to be up under us all the time when she's older? Am I keeping her from becoming independent? I question every move I make with her, even if it's not necessarily bad."

"I feel that." He sat there, nodding over and over as if to drum up the courage to make his next statement. "Tami has been doing and saying some mean things lately, but I just let it happen because of my own feelings about the sims she's doing it to."

"How do you mean?"

"I told you she kicked my former tenants. You know they deserved that. She also bit my father-in-law. I was so proud of her because someone needs to knock him down a few pegs. But she's older now and using words. She cut up this little girl in the park yesterday and told her she wasn't pretty."

"Seriously?"

"Yeah. But the other girl started it, so she had it coming too."

"I see what you mean now."

"So, what do you think about it?"

Oof. Why does he always put me in this position? I have a lot of feelings about this, but I'm sure none of them are what he wants to hear. But what kind of friend would I be if I said nothing? I'd feel terrible if Tami grew up to be a monster, knowing I had the opportunity to shed some light early on. It won't be comfortable, but I've got to at least try. Here goes nothing.

"I think ... You're my boy, and I'll always tell you the truth, so ... You're her dad, Dub. You should be the one telling her those things are wrong, not encouraging her bad behavior. I know you think all those folks got what they deserved, which is also problematic, but is that the message you want to send Tami? That she can do and say whatever she wants and get away with it because 'they deserved it?' I'm afraid of the path you're putting her on. What kind of a woman will she become if you let her continue on like this? Do you think of her future?"

"Of course I do! What kind of a-"

He paused, succumbing to the realization I was right, even though I wondered if I had gone too far.

"I'm sorry if I'm out of line," I said. "I wouldn't have said anything if I didn't care."

"No. You're right. You always are. I was just thinking about what my parents will say if they find out how she's been acting. There's no way in hell they would have let me get away with the stuff I let slide."

I can't imagine my parents letting us get away with that either, but I honestly don't know what they would have done. Me and Less never really got into trouble, and my parents were both so lenient. I guess I'll never know. Hopefully, I'll never have to talk to Desi about this.

"I'm glad you always keep it 100 with me," he continued. "That's why I trust you so much. Can't lie, though. That hurt, but I know I needed to hear it. Deep down, I knew, but I never saw it like that. I'll do better, though. Believe that."

"I believe it, man. We don't play about our daughters."

"We absolutely do not!"

Not that I don't love these deep conversations with my best friend, but that one got really heavy, and he clearly has a lot to mull over later, so I pulled out my phone and showed him our new home, hoping a lighter topic would do the trick.

[youcouldmakealife]

Do you ever mix up names? I love your stories, but I am shit at names and as your pantheon/league grows I find myself increasingly turned around by all the north american dude names (first, last, AND hockey nicknames!!!). I can usually keep track of the on-going series names and names that are less common in North America (Kiro, Sven), but if I'm reading, say, an ask or rereading I usually have remind myself who is who first.

I don't mix them up between themselves and other characters in either a similar name way (James vs Jake, say) or roles (mixing up say, Wheels and Craney and Matty).

(This got so long and off topic, why does this always happen)

What I do mix up is sort of more of a...muscle memory thing, maybe? I'm writing the word, say, gorgeous, and I have to delete georgieous first, because my fingers apparently have become a phone's autocorrect function. I actually did write James as Jake a few times when I was deep deep in editing BTT, but again, it was just sort of like...an autofill error between my brain and my fingers.

The names themselves I'm pretty good with, though I do worry about whether I'll continue to be as a) the pantheon continues to expand (I love this by the way, and now I'm probably going to spend the rest of my evening mentally assigning characters places in the pantheon) and b) I get older. And both things seem pretty inevitable to me.

Unfortunately, the two things I appear to have in common with Leo Tolstoy are brevity and 'these people have three names, and I'm going to use them all interchangeably'. (ie Vinny is Thomas to himself, but Vinny to literally everybody else including me. And sometimes Tommy but only to Anton and his parents and only sometimes. Anton's alternately Anton, Petrov, Tony to Vinny and teammates, or Antosha to his family.)

I'd honestly apologise for it but it's one of those things that's really inextricable from the sort of...falling into a perspective way that I write, the same way I write in American English for American characters and Canadian English for Canadians, or use Christian (and specifically Catholic) references in Robbie or Georgie's POVs but never, say, Mike's or David's, unless we count Mike's very liberal usage of the word goddamn (and it's lowercase with him, but it'd be Goddamn to Robbie.)

And the different vocabularies extends to names. Like William Dineen is William to Robbie, he specifically asked to be called that when he was a teenager who wanted to feel more adult, and Robbie respected that then and continues to now. Georgie respected it in another way -- he was Willy to him, and now he uses Will, which William is fine with, but only with immediate family.

But in the text itself Georgie would never use William, because it'd feel distant to him, and Robbie would never use Will because he'd consider that disrespectful after William specifically requested to be called that, and me choosing one or the other wouldn't be in character, so he's Will and he's William, but never Willy (that's Tate Williams).

I make this all sound like a much more conscious process than it is. A lot of this stuff I've only figured out via metacognition of my writing process, which is, by necessity, done in hindsight.

My original answer to questions like 'why did you do _____ that way?' is invariably '*shrug* felt right', and people tend to find that...unsatisfying, so I often investigate further, and the answer becomes 'felt right because of <this reason I was in no way consciously aware of during the writing process>'. As I've said to my poor beleaguered editor, a lot of my writing process is 'just vibes'. I follow good vibes. Bad vibes tell me something's not working, and I adjust accordingly. I think a lot (I cannot tell you how many times I've been accused of overthinking things), but when it comes to writing, most of it's happening beyond my own perception, so instead it feels more like gut instinct. (which is, indeed, what gut instinct often boils down to: pattern recognition going on beneath one's conscious awareness)

[utilitycaster]

I’m not sure if you have seen this theory but what’s your thoughts on “the raven queen could be Ludinus’s mother”? I’ve seen it float around on twitter and honestly, to me, it seems a little far fetched.

I have, and I agree with you.

I guess the best way to put it is that there's a lot of theories about Ludinus, and that's extremely valid, but I've found that people are extremely weird about these theories in a way I haven't really seen elswhere.

Personally, I find the idea that Ludinus is lying about most of his past - that he is just a guy from immediately-post-Divergence Issylra who moved to Molaesmyr, destroyed it in an attempt to commune with Ruidus, and established himself as a permanent fixture in the relatively young Dwendalian Empire in order to further his ultimate goals - is by far the most compelling. It feels extremely real for someone with grandiose designs to deliberately invoke an idealized version of the Age of Arcanum that was destroyed; we see this all the time in real life appeals to classical Western antiquity from would-be dictators. I also think he is, in many ways, not sympathetic per se but very...human (well, elven) for being frustrated at having to gather information of this time he believes to be lost and far better than today piecemeal, from whatever scraps remain. I think if he had firsthand knowledge but still took 800 years to figure out what the fuck to do? He's less clever and less heartbreaking and somehow, despite not lying about his age, far more of a windbag.

However, this is just my preference! It's also entirely possible he is from pre-Calamity. And here's where I start to get less generous. Because pre-Calamity? Totally fine. He insinuates that he is. He does so in the same conversation in which he insinuates he is Ruidusborn, which we know he isn't, and it's implied that not many people have caught on to his age (indicating that he probably appeared pretty young when he arrived in Molaesmyr) and since his device appears to have possibly been invented in Molaesmyr my gut feeling is that he was either a child during the final years of Calamity or immediately after. That's just a gut feeling. He easily could be older.

The thing is, literally all we have is "might have been around pre-Calamity" and it feels like people treat two very common specific theories - that he is from Aeor, and that he is the son of the Raven Queen - as fact, when all of the Ludinus theories are purely vibes-based. All we can say with any confidence is "older than he looks, definitively over 500 and almost certainly over an elf's natural lifespan of 750."

Re: The Raven Queen theory, what personally strikes me as far-fetched is that the Raven Queen's original name is lost, but who she was was not lost. She taught Patia. Wouldn't people...know that Ludinus was her child? Like, I suppose the answer can be "Matt didn't want to give spoilers away" but it feels like it raises questions about EXU Calamity that in all the discussion of people interested in ascension, the fact that the Raven Queen had a son doesn't ever once come up. And if he were a secret? That's also a question! And if he were the child of the now forgotten deity of death? What does that mean for him? Wouldn't he be a demigod, probably, of sorts? Can the gods reproduce? Was he the Raven Queen's child with some random guy? It's not that it's not possible, but I feel like boiling his stuff about the gods down to "Mommy issues" is reductive, far less interesting, and it raises more questions than it answers which is always in my mind a sign to steer clear of a theory.

And then there's the Aeor part, which just...I don't actually know where this comes from because if he were the Raven Queen's son it's pretty clear he'd be from Avalir, as she was all but stated to be, but people seem to treat these two things as both true sometimes. I feel Aeor feels far-fetched specifically because I think he'd have been far more able to rebuild Aeorian tech if he was from there. I suppose it's possible he was just a mediocre schmo while Aeor still existed, and has taken on a last survivor, must reclaim the glory of "city that was about to nuke another city simply as a weapon's test" mentality; but also, Aeor expeditions are relatively recent in the timeline of Post-Divergence Exandria. You think this man couldn't have popped up there and taken a leisurely look at the ruin of the Malleus Factorum any time before the past 60-ish years, before Uthodurn started poking around? Why didn't he mention Aeor in his notes in Molaesmyr? Again, more questions are raised than answered, and that casts doubt for me.

So it's hard for me to be objective here just because I find so much of the "Ludinus is pre-Calamity" theorizing to be just...really humorless and brittle and presumptive, and often not terribly interesting. Obviously if we get a definitive answer, and he is the child of the Raven Queen or is Aeorian (if he's both I'm going to roll my eyes because that's just sloppy, Matthew) or even if he was just a guy from pre-Calamity and not terribly important, I'll incorporate that into my understanding! But there's this childish demand that everyone treat what is ultimately an unconfirmed theory as immutable fact. I've seen people act like shitposting about Ludinus is somehow offensive because it violates their personal headcanons, and that's just peak main character behavior on their part. The idea that Ludinus is 800 and deliberately building a cult of personality rooted in the idealization of the Age of Arcanum (while conveniently ignoring that this age was when the Prime Deities -and only the Prime Deities - walked the earth; and that life outside the flying cities was rather less idyllic and wizard-run, and that the titans were still sealed away) is no less valid than the idea that he's 1200 and the son of the Raven Queen and/or from Aeor. All we know for certain is "definitely has been active and accounted for for over 500 years, almost certainly more, is definitely extending his lifespan through eating fey souls."

[shostakobitchh]

For “anonymously message me (3) things you want to know about me.”:

1. How long have you been a music teacher, and what sparked your interest in both music and writing?

2. Is there a specific piece of music or book quote that deeply touches your soul? If so, what about them resonates with you?

3. What are some of your favorite books and movies, and what about them captivates you the most?

This fall will be my 6th year of teaching orchestra! I started violin when I was 9 and I remember it being the first thing I was really good at, so there was enjoyment there. Once I was in high school, I had a fantastic team of music teachers who clearly loved what they did and I remember wanting to do the same - inspire others the way I was inspired. Writing came later; I had read Harry Potter for the first time in high school, and I had a really close friend (who was coincidentally named Lily) and we just talked about Harry Potter and Snape ALL THE TIME. It got to the point where my friend group got mad at me bc I was spending more time with Lily to talk about Harry Potter than like, enjoy our final year of high school LOL. So we started writing fanfic. She's moved on and stuff but it never really faded for me. It really just boiled down to finding nothing that scratched the itch I had (Female Harry with Feral Bio Dad Snape).

2. Oh man, this one is HARD. I think of every piece of music that has touched me, the most profound has to be the finale of Symphony No. 2 by Mahler. If you don't know this symphony, it is a fucking masterpiece. It's known as the Resurrection Symphony and Mahler composed it with the idea of following a narrative that spans through death, starting with a funeral march and ending in a resurrection.

“Why have you lived? Why have you suffered? Is it all some huge, awful joke? We have to answer these questions somehow if we are to go on living – indeed, even if we are only to go on dying!”

This article does a great job of explaining what's happening here. I don't know how to put into words how absolutely moving this piece is; I played it a year ago in a cathedral and I cried the last 2 minutes. The end, where everyone comes blazing together in an assurance that there is meaning beyond the grief, is probably one of the most comforting things I have ever had the privilege to listen to and be a part of.

3. I don't read as much as I used to and that's a big regret of mine. I did read ACOTAR last year and genuinely enjoyed it! It was very different for me but I loved the characters and the world-building! I'm currently starting Throne of Glass because apparently that's even better than ACOTAR and more my vibe - princess assassin? Yes please!

I love Stefan King; all his stuff slaps. Horror is my absolute favorite genre of all.

My favorite movie, in a weird turn of events, is Avengers Endgame. I just like action and good writing (before Disney bought it and ruined Marvel, thanks Disney). Thor Ragnarok is a close second. I don't really have a favorite for movies because I watch literally everything. Right now I'm hooked on House of the Dragon.

[arrenkae]

So I finished bg3 and thought the ending was Fine, Actually

Maybe I expected the worst after seeing so many people voicing their disappointments

Maybe I was lucky to avoid most bugs that made the experience worse for others

Or maybe I'm just too happy with my boy Withers/Jergal being a total badass MVP both in my good dark urge ending (I'll write more about this in another post) and in the after credits scene so that everything else pales in comparison

Hell yeah bro you tell them

...but yeah, I quite liked this ending. It hit all the right notes for me: big epic final fight, big stakes, dramatic cinematics, all of all allies gathering to help, final words from our companions before we go and celebrate our victory

Sure, there is room for improvement and the ways it could be made more impactful and reflect our choices better; and with so many people being unhappy with the ending, I wouldn't be surprised if Larian make those improvements in a future enhanced edition or something

But so many people who are unhappy with the ending are asking for detailed epilogue sliders and look

I'm probably going to give a very controversial opinion here

But I don't really care for epilogue sliders. I don't hate them, of course, many great RPGs have ending sliders. They are fine. Especially in the heavily text-based games. But personally, if the game's story worked well on its own, tied all the loose ends and answered the big questions, I'm fine with just having a big satisfying ending scene and riding off into the sunset. We won, there is a bright future ahead of us, who knows what it will bring. Maybe there will be a sequel, maybe you can just imagine things. It's fine to end it at that.

Meanwhile, epilogue sliders bring a certain sense of... finality that I don't always vibe with. It's one thing to see your choices pay off in the game itself, but spelling out the characters' futures for years to come is sometimes a bit too much. Also, in most cases it just boils down to "this village you saved? yup, it's saved, everyone is living happily now" and "this character you helped and who already told you their plans for the future? yeah, they are going to do just that, they are going to be fine". Which is sometimes nice to hear, I get that.

Or, alternatively, when the epilogue gives you an unexpected outcome, and it's not really something you wanted for this character, it kind of sucks, you know? You are not going to replay a game for one different slider. But then you are like, "okay, those are just sliders, I can pretend this didn't happen like that" and then this whole things kinda falls apart. Sliders never quite feel like the "real" part of an ending for me, more like some musings about the most likely future. I can take them or leave them.

But like I said, it's much more important for me to have the game itself end on a strong note. Tbh, endings tend to be the weakest part of SO MANY great RPG games that are amazing otherwise; and Baldur's Gate 3 is far, FAR from the worst examples. With so many hours of gameplay, and so many choices you can make, it's super hard to end it in a way that truly does justice to this entire experience.

...but for some people, like me, it's enough to see Jergal shit talking the Dead Three. That's all I ever wanted from this game. Absolutely iconic.

[shirogane-oushirou]

Ro, my friend, bestie!!!! Star, galaxy, black hole and moon for the ask game!!! Any of the guys in your life who you are inspired to gush about can answer them!!! :3 (I love asking about Ren SO MUCH but you also have other sweeties and I don't want to neglect them 💖)

( @verykissablepixels )

THANK YOU REFFIEEEEEEEEE!!!!! 🥺💕💕💕 i'll probably still end up answering for ren bc i'm so ren-pilled skdfkjn, but i'll throw in some of the others where i think they fit!!!

Star- Does your F/O do anything to calm you when you're upset?

i think ren would actually encourage me to be outwardly upset more often ;; not in an unhealthy way, but because i don't really express those kinds of things anymore. if something seems like it's upsetting me but i'm not Doing anything with it, he might ask me some questions, probe a bit to see if it's something i REALLY don't want to talk about, and suggest i vent a bit or cry on his shoulder... and once that's done, we'd go fix something to eat and he'd pump me full of electrolyte water LMAO. ;;

(and it's work both ways tbh -- doc!ren has even worse issues with expressing negative emotions than i do, and r!ren expresses them through being bitchy to people who are being bitchy to him ksjdfn, so i'd want to help them vent in healthy ways when they're upset!)

gray's pretty simple with his methods... he's one of the most mature people in wonderland (which isn't saying much tbh, he's just better at it than the others), and since he fills so many job roles while working for nightmare, he knows how to approach people. so he'd sit me down in a quiet room, far from the hustle and bustle of the busy areas of clover tower, and ask what's wrong. he'd let me get it all out, politely interjecting where need be, and then once i'm done he'd suggest that he could make hot drinks for us (to which i'd have to reply that I'D make them kjsnfjkn, i don't trust him to boil water let alone mix ingredients ;;;). and if it turned out that my issue was due to someone being threatening or violent, he would... take care of the issue later... :)

oushirou's a silly guy, but he has a very serious side as well. he'd sit with me, encourage me to let things out, hold my hand, and maybe help problem solve a bit. he likes to keep up a daily stream of communication when possible, so if he got Vibes from an earlier chat, he might let me vent when he gets back home and then be like, "btw i picked up dessert for us on the way back for no particular reason whatsoever, so look forward to that!" he knows i know it WAS for a particular reason, and he lets me huff at him for being frustratingly good at picking up on things i try not to let others see. and while he isn't as retaliatory as gray, if i was upset at something a stranger said / did to me while out and about, he might play bodyguard for a while juuust in case i need someone with a strong kick with me ;;;

mars is quieter in his approach. he'd cuddle up and ask if something was wrong -- they know if it's something important enough to me that i'll let it out with a little prodding. he'd just hold me as i vent, and when i'm done, they'd thank me for feeling like i can trust him. and then we'd just... "move on" -- once the emotions are out it's better to focus on something emotionally fulfilling! he's like a more immediately open oushirou -- it wouldn't take much time for them to feel close enough to pick up on those things and know how to help me deal with them in the moment and after, and like oushirou, they generally know when to play it cool around violent people, when to be threatening, and when to actually make good on those threats.

Galaxy- What do you and your F/O do when one of you is homesick?

both rens have complicated feelings about their family homes, feeling a weird mix of nostalgia and disgust. by the end of his whole story, doc!ren ends up not being able to go back At All, Literally Cannot, so sometimes he has that contradictory, "well now that i CAN'T, a part of me wants to go back after all......" feeling. I think in his case, the only thing we can do is just be together for however long he needs, doing things that remind him of the better moments back there in a, "there are still things from there that you have here," sense.

and this particular s/i's brand of homesickness is like a low, constant, simmering feeling of homesickness they've long adjusted to... poorly adjusted, but adjusted nonetheless hhhh. just being around doc!ren helps to soothe those feelings, and as the relationship continues they start to disappear. "i have a new home now, and it's you," vibes. 💕

r!ren's a bit easier KJNDKJN. he misses visiting his grandparents, who he's closer to than doc!ren is. we'd end up sitting somewhere cozy, and he'd either call or video chat with them and we'd all talk together. i'd start learning french to bridge the gap a bit, but ren would still translate when needed. talking to and spending time with the people he loves helps a ton on its own (he does want to take me to visit them in person at some point though hehe).

this verse is fairly close to reality, aka i live with family, so no homesickness for me lmao.

oushirou is less homesick than one would think -- yeah he's constantly traveling, but it's the one thing he's always known he wanted to do, enough to completely cut contact with his disapproving parents over it. he'd still miss the winter crew and me, and would visit whenever he could, but i'd say it's less like homesickness and more like... if they and i could travel with him, he'd never feel the desire to return home. traveling IS his home. we do, however, having some matching clothes and items so that, when he can't visit for a while or if he loses service and can't call / text, we can still feel connected!

also living at home here so no homesickness for me, but i do miss oushirou dearly, which makes it all the more important to him that we make the most of every possible moment together when he has the opportunity to visit!!

gray doesn't have any homesickness. he's pretty much like everyone in wonderland (except ace) in that regard. -I-, however, do feel some homesickness in spite of myself, and this sends gray in to a quiet panic. in his mind, i'm homesick -> i want to go back home -> i'm going to leave wonderland and never be able to return. so despite knowing how manipulative it is, he constantly takes me out on dates (platonic or romantic) to places he KNOWS i'll adore. wonderful restaurants, art supply shops, spots on the roads between locations that he thinks i might want to draw, doing physical activities that i can't manage back home... he wants to show me that wonderland is better than anything i had going on before. he'd freely admit to all of this if i called him out on it or if it seemed like it was making things worse, but despite his mature exterior he really is just as willing to sweep details under the rug as any other wonderland resident if it means keeping someone he cares about nearby.

Black Hole- Have you ever had a strange dream about your F/O?

all of my oc f/os have been sourced from strange dreams tbh so i won't even go into them lJSNIFLN, their stories are really just edited versions of my initial dreams about them.

i have Fucking Weird dreams about oushirou all the time though. it's mostly things like "i found a secondhand shop for doujin, and there's SO MUCH OUSHIROU DOUJIN I'VE NEVER SEEN BEFORE!!! I HAVE TO BUY IT ALL!!!!"... but also absolutely unhinged shit, like one where we met at a library we were sheltering in and, over the course of a couple of days, fell in love, he was bitten by an animal and developed RABIES????, we decided to get married before he was too far gone, and then i became a widow. so. KJNAKJN.

and i won't go too far into details bc i said i wouldn't, but mars was technically created from an oushirou dream set in a zombie apocalypse. he was a test subject to see if zombies could be "brought back", and i was brought in as like... an impromptu chat buddy to help with socialization. scientific overreach etc etc the arrogance of man etc etc. years later i rewrote it to make more logical sense, made that oushirou into my oc, and used the whole thing to work through chronic illness feelings (yay yippee love to dump my issues on my ocs weehee)!

i've also had some very weird ones with raven, like when he and rita slipped through spacetime into this world, and we met by chance and all bonded pretty quickly. or when he was an... instructor? at some kind of summer camp for adults?? and while it didn't seem like i stood out to him much at first, he actually stuck up for me at one point and kept wanting to connect after that. idk, weird things with no real rhyme or reason but that don't even come CLOSE to the weirdness of the oushirou dreams lol.

Moon- What's something your F/O does that never fails to make you happy?

being cute hehe 💕

doc!ren: he's very good at sussing out things that someone would ENJOY doing but may not have a reason to go out of their way to do, so he helps me get out of my comfort zone safely and understands if/when i hit my energy limit. i also love when he feels he trusts me enough to release "you will regret this" levels of infodump on me KJNFKJN, it's so cute and sweet and his enthusiasm is contagious.

r!ren: my LORD is he good at making me feel special!! and with his personality, it's clear it isn't just a matter of niceties or being a flirt. i feel so happy every time i can see how genuine he his, how far he's willing to go just to provide comfort, how he wants to be around me just as much as, if not more than, i do. how, if i have to cancel a date bc of a flare-up, he'll immediately come over with a care package filled with healthy (and secret not-so-healthy 🤫) goodies to keep me going for a day or two. 🥺

oushirou: genuinely just... his everything. but in particular, his over-the-top silly antics really get me. he'll make mundane things sooo dramatic just for the sillies + the joy it brings to others. he has great emotional intelligence and puts his ALL into helping those around him feel better. (also i know vaguely-horny does not equal happy.... but he sure does make me happy when he canonically KICKS THROUGH DOORS ksndfkjn like helloooooo?? sir??? 😳 that one scene has made me so Not Normal for the past 11 years....)

mars: something as simple as holding their hand. we're both very protective of each other -- we kind of have to be, given our situation -- so they often provide a sense of comfort. whether we're just sitting and reading together, or we're doing some activity to stimulate his cognitive function, or we simply cuddle in his holding chamber, they emanate a strong sense of safety, and i can really feel it through his light hand touches and rubbing the back of my hand with their thumb. and in a world that's gone to shit, that simple, caring touch means so much.

gray: OOOOOH his gap moe mode kjsndfkjn. after the serious answers, i get to the serious character and my answer is just "when he goes googoo gaga over anything soft and fluffy." he's so cute in jnkna when he's fishing on a frozen lake and a little seal becomes his companion 😭 and he names it after alice and puts a little alice bow on it 😭😭 he even gets cute when peter turns into his rabbit form -- as peter yells and scratches and curses at everyone, gray's still like 😳 bnnuy.... 💕💕💕💕💕

raven: when he's being a little drama queen ksjndfjn. i think there's plenty of room for quiet, serious talks that end with us feeling happy with our situation, but nothing beats when he's teasing karol or being a little silly guy! just a little 5'7 guy!! and it's his birthday!!!!! etc ksjdnk. his skits always crack me up, bc more often than not he's so unhinged for NO REASON! he's just LIKE THAT!! and yet he still thinks "raven" is a mask. nah man. you are all of your masks, the masks were always part of you, and that means part of you is a silly little trickster and Local Weirdo (tm).

[canayams-art]

it's meee, the qianqing anon✨ it certainly been a while since ive been in your asks jsjdjdjd the uni has been crazy and the finals were approaching so i had to force my focus on studying instead of screaming about my faves to anyone who was willing to listen :") but now that that's out of the way for a while now because the second semester has already started, im free to go back to my deranged brainrots sjejejejjeke

OH I ALMOST FORGOT very very late merry christmas (if you celebrated) and happy new years!! 🎉🎉

im rewatching the second season of tgcf at the moment and im going crazy over the small lqq moments i missed in my first watch wjejejek he's just such an amazing character and soo 😍 i love/hate that im now restarting the angst 😭😭

SOMEHOW I ALSO MISSED THE BRIEF BLURRY SHI WUDU CAMEO AND I WAS SCREAMING ABOUT IT FOR HALF AN HOUR TO MY FRIEND!! I CANT WAIT TO SEE HIM IN HIS FULL CORRUPTED GLORY IF WE EVER GET GHE BLACK WATER ARC ANIMATED!! he actually might be in my top three favorite characters from tgcf even if i don't talk about him nearly as much as i talk about mq

anyways. LQQ!! i know i already watched everything and i know that i know what's going to happen but man i am not prepared to go through that again! while i am EXTREMELY glad that we got to see him boil qr alive AND slice him in half, THE PAIN THE ANGUISH THE CONFLICT JWJWIEKEKKEJJE

i don't think i will be getting him out of my head anytime soon :")) im even more salty that he doesn't get a more important scenes later in the series :((

unfortunately ive been a bit brain-dead because of the most boring subjects in the world ughhh so i don't have any new lqq and mq thoughts :(( if you do pls share with me, im dying for every crumb of creativity available skkekekeke

also idk if i mentioned this in my last ask, but it makes me so happy that both you and your followers like these little lqq/mq rants 🥹 it makes me excited to share whatever new idea pops into my brain and know that there are somewhere ppl who get just as excited about them as i do

anyways, i hope you're doing well!! 😽😽

Welcome back qianqing anon!!!

I hope finals went well for you and that you’ve been able to catch your breath again. I also hope you enjoyed the holiday season!

Every time I see or think about donghua lqq I feel so grateful to the production team for depicting the way lqq feels and expresses himself so intensely. I know we all know this by now but his arc really is my favorite within the entire story,,, 🥹 It’s a shame we really only see him in the early chapters and the final ones— I genuinely think his story could easily be its own novel/extra.

Also where does shi wudu show up???! If it’s later in s2 then I haven’t spotted him yet cos I,,,,, still haven’t gotten around to finishing s2 (life got in the way of quality time in lqq land 😭). I feel you though— I find shi wudu interesting in such a way where I love his character but I also feel he 100% got what was coming to him LMAO. Blackwater arc is gonna be so wild to see.

But!! Back to qianqing lol. I was thinking earlier about the fact that lqq answers any personal communication array regardless of who is contacting him. Meanwhile mq haunts the public communication array but gives this vibe that not a lot of people have access to his personal array,,,, made me think about how mq seems like the type who always reaches out to lqq privately, knowing that lqq will always answer, but refuses to give his password in return. Lqq probably asked him once and mq probably told him something like “It’s pointless when I know you’ll answer me no matter what.” (Bonus: maybe mq finally decides to hand his password over when lqq ends up going down to the mortal realm to seek his revenge— like it’s mq’s way of telling lqq that he’s concerned but without flat out saying he’s concerned for lqq LOL)

Anyway! Please always feel free to slide into the inbox. I may be slow to reply to these but they really do make my day. The qianqing brainrot never sleeps 😂

[rosequartzandrosaries]

I live in Utah, and back when I was still a practicing Catholic (right around the time I started getting into paganism again after a brief interest in hs) some missionaries came to the door. I’m terrible at saying no, so we had a discussion on LDS vs Catholicism, and something I noticed was that they kept repeating the same talking points.

As someone who went to Catholic school from Pre-K to 12th grade, I know a lot about Catholicism. And one thing I know is this: most modern Catholics don’t evangelize. I don’t know if it’s a cultural thing or officially stated, but they tend to prefer to lead by example instead of go out and preach specifically to convert. (Something else I noticed, is that white Catholics give off Protestant and Born Again vibes. It’s weird, I don’t like it.)

Because Catholics don’t really go out preaching, we aren’t taught a script to use to try to convince people to join. Usually, if you ask a Catholic a question, they will give you a genuine (though not necessarily correct) answer. If there are multiple Catholics around, this could lead into a debate, because most Catholics don’t know or care about the official catechism (in my experience, if they don’t like what the catechism says, they tend to treat it as optional or up to interpretation).

When I was in discussion with the lds missionaries, none of their answers were genuine. They weren’t taught to doubt or question or debate their beliefs in order to develop a deeper understanding of them. They were taught to regurgitate basic catch-all answers when asked any question they didn’t know the answer to, and most boiled down to “come to a service and then you’ll get your answer”.

And when I asked them questions about their specific point of view, not about their religion’s overall beliefs, they still couldn’t answer. They kept going back to “well the church teaches…” I didn’t want to know what the church taught, I wanted to know your opinion.

Anyway, I just wanted to let y’all know that, if you’re genuinely interested in learning about the lds point of view if the missionaries come to your house, you’re going to be frustrated with their answers. Be patient with them. Don’t be mean. They’re just kids who don’t know why they believe what they believe, they just know “because the church elders said so”.

Also, completely unrelated, when I was speaking to them, I recited the prayer of St. Francis, and one of them said “that’s a great prayer of thanksgiving”. I am genuinely worried for his comprehension skills. It’s not a prayer of thanksgiving? Not once does the prayer say “thank you”? It’s a prayer of service, asking God to work through the person, so they may help those in need and bring genuine comfort and hope and goodness to the world.

Idea for all you pagans and witches out there: If you get Jehovah’s Witnesses or Mormons or those sorts knocking at your door, instead of politely turning them away, don on your most witchy, out-there, non-christian-friendly accessories and attire and open the door.

Be cheerful and welcoming! Say you’re more then open to chat about spirituality, take their pamphlets, try to show them any books of your own you have, hell, even invite them inside for a cup of tea by your altar to Odin.

I don’t know how it’ll go down, but I’m almost certain the interaction will be funny af.

[solarsong-writes]

Hiii I'm so glad u made a Tumblr! I love picking knmf authors' brains hehe. Here's a question! How do u get ideas on what to write for knmf? :3

-mascfuyu anon

Awww thanks for the warm welcome!! My brain also likes being picked and this is a fun question to answer! :D

For me so far, my story ideas come from something triggering brainrot (To Walk Where the Light Shines, Sinking Into A Summer Night) or simply writing the AUs I love (Blend My Song Into Nonexistent Love, Consume the Shape of My Dreams, Amongst Flowers Without Names). 

I think To Walk Where the Light Shines is self-explanatory because of the Saying Goodbye to My Persona event and knowing I would go crazy from simply waiting for the next event – but to give a little more detail on the other ones (brace yourself): 

Sinking Into a Summer Night was directly due to the full version of Kimi no Yoru Wo Kure coming out (and has quickly risen to becoming one of my most favorite N25 commissioned songs). It was the perfect blend of bittersweet I like in my music and I got so many feelings from it that I needed to express it in some manner. So I thought about how I could stay true to the song and keep that cozy but bittersweet vibe in a fic.

Blend My Song Into Nonexistent Love was because of my great love for soulmate AUs, and as I was making dinner one night I thought “Haha, the Empty SEKAI is gray so if there was that seeing color soulmate thing going on then the characters would probably get really confused” – followed immediately by that very vivid scene where Kanade and Mafuyu make eye contact for the first time popping up in my mind. I knew at that point I wanted to write a fic around that one scene. Consume the Shape of My Dreams naturally followed from this fic too. 

I’ll skip elaborating on Amongst Flowers Without Names for now due to potential spoilers, but feel free to ask me when I'm finished with the fic! 

For how I come up with ideas for my Kanamafu AU fics in general though, it really all boils down to one question: 

“What would it mean for the world, society, and the characters if X exists?” 

For example, we take something like being unable to see colors until you meet your soulmate. What would happen if 50% of people couldn't see color by the age of 25? They'd have to find some way to navigate the society without color vision and this is a substantial population we're talking about. So there are some things that would become more accessible. Traffic lights would probably change to be both color and symbol based. Does that mean that people will not be allowed to drive until they can see colors? Probably not, because people will still have jobs and they do need a means of transportation. I essentially trace the ripple effects of one change, as well as how my own worldbuilding decisions would impact things further. I repeat this type of thought process for anything else I think may be relevant in the AU and the story kind of writes itself at that point. 

I could go super in-depth about the worldbuilding behind my soulmate AU, but I'll save that for another post if people are interested! (I could gush all day about soulmate AUs) 

Tl;dr: My fic ideas spawn from either me about to go crazy if I don't express/write it or because I love a certain AU and then examine how the one premise would alter the world as well as how the characters would navigate it. 

[swinging-stars-from-satellites]

Hello! May I enquire after an X files episode? Like. Least scary/most fun. The tribbles episode of you will. If it exists? (There’s always one). I’m hoping to fall in love with characters in a lower stress mode for myself so then I will follow them into the pit of despair or sit in the creepy haunted mansion with them. Alternatively what is your absolute favorite?

oh!!! Magpie dearest!!! ok I'm going to give several answers, actually. TXF has a solid break-up of Mytharc episodes (overarching series plotline), Monster Of The Week Episodes (can range from light and fluffy to deep dives into the darkest recesses of the characters), and deliberately comedic episodes, so there's quite a lot of variety to choose from

I'd say that if you want a "Tribbles episode," I think Humbug (s2e20, this is Gurt's favorite comedy episode) or War of the Coprophages (s3e12, MY favorite, and one of my top 10 episodes overall) would be a good one. neither requires a lot of context for plot or characters, as they're intentionally written as a sort of break from the overall plot and emotional impact of the season. they're both very chill episodes, low-stress high-fun — however if you have a squick for bugs, War of the Coprophages may not be the best one for you lol. the premise is that people in a small town believe that cockroaches are attacking and killing them, and there's a couple scenes where that's exactly what it looks like, so fair warning. (WotC also has one of the best Mulder-Scully dynamics there is, because they just seem incredibly domestic and married the entire time)

however, if I had to pitch the series to you in one episode — apart from the Pilot, of course — it would be s5e18, The Pine Bluff Variant. it is a pretty tense episode, with undercover operations and some pretty dark imagery (the props department on TXF always loves to go full ham on icky things, but since it was the 90s it does seem a tad campy tbh), but it really encapsulates what the show is and who the characters are so perfectly in one episode. it's also one of the few episodes that doesn't deal with any kind of extraterrestrial or paranormal subjects, just simple human nature — to boil it down to its basis, it is an episode wholly about Good vs. Evil and what each of those things brings about. I've written a lot about it because it's both my favorite episode and the one that I think sums up the entirety of the show best.

and if you decide you want to actually start watching it, but not like... fully commit, the first four episodes of season 1 (Pilot, Deep Throat, Squeeze, and Conduit) are the true essentials and really do a great job of setting up a foundation of who Scully and Mulder are, individually, and what they're going to be as a duo. the first season is a lot more in the horror aspect of sci-fi horror, but it's also in a lot of ways the least intense season. I tend to think of it as "comfort horror," tbh, because while the vibes are darker than much that follows, it's also the season with (naturally) the last baggage on the characters and storylines, so it feels lighter at the same time.

I can give you a more comprehensive bare minimum viewing list if you want, but for now I would just say that Humbug or War of the Coprophages are good tribble episodes (keeping in mind the bug thing, but WotC is actually the episode I prefer 😅 Humbug kinda bores me bc the character dynamics are a bit flat imo) and Pine Bluff Variant is my favorite and my "sell someone on this show in one(1) episode" episode, so I hope that helps!! lemme know what you think!!!

[firebuug]

Hi!!! For my oc ask meme, may I offer you (apologies in advance for the many questions wahahaha):

3, 7, 8, 9, 12, 15, 20, 24 (obligatory), 25, 26 and 31 for... well, that's a lot of questions so ummmm shit go with whoever inspires you but I'll specifically ask for Julian, Eva, Skuggy and Buggy!! (and Farrow if you feel so inclined hehe) again, feel free to pick and choose who you answer each question with and also feel free to skip any bc this is a LOT!! i am sorry i am curious

hi. i am here to answer them All. you heard it. full oc bible right here right now. ill do it using whoever racks my brain for the question or all of them if i feel like it. i am sorry in advance for the length of this but it is very fun THANK YOU

3. Their playlist. Drop their playlist and include specific lyrics from each song you consider to be the most fitting.

i have playlists for almost every oc that i can vibe check in my brain. here. warning, they're all on spotify, sorry. julian, eva, skuggy, buggy, and farrow ! i'll share lyrics from one song that reminds me of them on there each!

jules: "Fate gave me a chance, now a couple chances, Hands always on the wheel, I thought I really had this This is a struggle, a struggle of survival Life is not a toy, and I should know this spiral Don't fall asleep I am not invincible Could've been worse, There could've been a death toll" - AMPM Truck by The Garden

eva: "Beat machines and impossibly fast vertical lyrics An expression with no physicality, whose heart is it going to capture? I ripped it off, that rhyme and flow, I didn't need it after all! All that was left was the empty voice I whittled down for your sake 'Embrace death!!!!!' Beat machines and impossibly fast vertical lyrics Music that doesn't create perfection, showing its existence through madness Feelings bubbling up with boiling point bugs, this tune feels like it's about to fall apart A song born just to play its rhythm" - MACHINEGUN POEM DOLL by cosMo@/BousouP

skuggy: "But you're a killer and I'm your best friend Think it's unfair, your situation You say I'm changing Sorry I didn't know I had to stay the same Can we talk about this later? Your voice is driving me, driving me insane" - Be Nice To Me by The Front Bottoms (i havent shifted into skuggy mode for so long i had to dig so deep for this shit)

buggy: i dont wanna do buggy's his playlist is old and redundant </3 but ummmmm jsut look at the title of this fire by franz ferdinand and guess hwat it's about. "oh how i burn for you" headass

farrow: "I didn't have a clue That I would lose! Oh I would lose, Between my left and right, I'd one day have to choose You're not like me, I'm not like you. I'm not who these things happen to And that's exactly what you say before it catches up to you Before you play with knives and find yourself in two" - BAD LUCK! by Jhariah

7. In your opinion, do you think if they were real you would be friends with them or not?

i would love to be friends with jules and skuggy. eva would be mean to me and farrow is absolutely abhorrent. if i met buggy irl i would not trust him im sorry .

8. ^ Relating to above question, do they consider themself easy to get along with, and is that actually true?

jules thinks he's pretty good at making friends, and he's good at going up to people and talking to them, but he tends to come off too strong and scare people off ksjdfs....being from the backstreets he is very eager to get one people's good side and establish YES IT IS ME I AM A COOL GUY YOU CAN TALK TO AND BE FRIENDS WITH, DO U WANNA BE FRIENDS?"

eva thinks he is a reasonable person and doesn't understand why people think he's scary but goes "whatever, if i scare them, that's their problem!" he is not very easy to get along with but once u tap into his shell he is....well...he's eva

skuggy does not want to be easy to get along with and will purposefully make you scared of him or tell you blatantly to go eat rocks. like eva you have to crack his shell and really prove yourself to be a reliable, chill person and he might show you his true face

buggy tends to be easy to get along with, he doesn't come off super strong like jules. he isn't purposefully rude and wants you to feel welcomed, but isn't immediately gonna be like HI WANNA BE FRIENDS he treats you like a stranger at first and THEN gets friendly if you seem cool

9. Have you ever tried to make them in a character creator? If so, share pictures (if you have them)!

YES recently ive been making a lot of juli and evas here

link to above (non-picrew, picture maker)

link (non picrew)

cropped weird bc they were on my ig story LOL but here source!! i LOVE these two in patricular they look SO dman cool and everything fit so well it wasnt even a lobcorp picrew

12. Would you consider them well-liked in universe, or are they more an… acquired taste .

jules is generally well liked, eva is a mixed bag because he tends to be pretty hard on people but has friends who love care him and ensure others that Thats How He Cares For People. i guess id say buggy is generally well liked, skuggy is either a hermit or a rude asshole to anyone u ask in town, farrow is so mixed because he has 20 fake personalities but most people who know him hate his ass or just think of him as the nice fellow from 7/11 with the thousand yard stare, weird bloodstain pooling at the neck of his hoodie and arms full of Sprite bottles

15. What would their theme song/leitmotif be titled? What would it sound like, if you have an idea?

oh this is super interesting. uhmm eva's would be a performance/musical reference like curtain call or final refrain or whatever. would 100% be orchestral or something with very distinct, complicated piano lol. jules... i have no idea. something time loop joke. maybe guitar? accordion??/ SAXOPHONE??? farrow's would 100% be some janky electric guitar with distortion and breakcore in there watever. last laugh

20. How easy is it to befriend them? How easy is it to make them hate you?

jules is easy to befriend he's already down to be friends. buggy is second in difficulty, he's wary but still willing to be friends. eva is next he is not fond of workplace relationships until he is. outside of work he doesn't want anything to do with anyone bc the city scares him. but if you prove yourself to be kind he will be kinder to u in return. skuggy wants you to leave him alone and if you try too hard to be his friend he'll think you're annoying. farrow is in a ??? category because honestly you can't tell if he's your friend, if he pities you, or if he's planning some scheme with u as the casualty

it is not easy to make jules or buggy hate you. if he already liked you buggy will withstand so much bullshit until you finally cross the line and he goes okay you're just a piece of shit now. jules can dislike people or avoid them, but hate is a very strong word and he will only hate u if you are so pesteringly negative or smug and annoying that it drains him to be around u. it is very easy to get eva and skuggy to hate you--skuggy already does, totally unironically, and eva will hate you the moment you go out of your way to try

24. Do they know what a sigma male is. Be honest .

LMFAO the only ones who know what a sigma male is, are probably skuggy, farrow and julian. eva vaguely only through his crackhead friends

25. How do they react to being loved and/or cared for? Similarly, how do they express their love for others?

AHH YES I LOVE THIS TYPE OF QUESTIONS... julian reacts by smothering with love in return. he expresses love very physically, whether it be platonic or romantic. he is SUPER physical w everyone even strangers i cant emphasize this more, he'll put his arm around stranger's shoulders, but he WILL stop the moment they express uncomfort. he just habitually does it. he will high five and hug and hold his homies's hands, he will kiss his homies goodnight, and it isn't even romantic or weird to him, it's just how he expresses friendship. naturally, when he's doing it romantically, he just smothers u

eva is mainly just very confused and almost guilty, but very appreciative of it deep down. like "what did i do to earn this?" and if he feels like he Did do something to earn it, he'll melt into it! otherwise? why. he acts annoyed when its his friends or tries to be humble about it, but when its with a lover he cannot help but wind up dazed and confused but very in love KKJHJkjhf. he was raised to believe he had to earn and work for Everything i guess. he expresses his love more through subtle actions than through words, like leaving a note in ur lunch, making the bed for u, fixing your tie, brushing hair out of ur face, etc etc. he is all about subtlety

buggy is a bit scared but will absorb every ounce of love given to him. if it is from someone he's been with for a while he will skip the soscared phase and go straight to absorbing like a sponge and reflecting it back at them. he is also very physical and wordy with his love. he will make you pet names and hold u thru the night.

skuggy is just like buggy and can be soscared and even a bit defensive or reflective of it. when he expresses love he doesnt like doing it in words but will lay on top of you or just hang aorund you or do little things to indicate trust like falling asleep around u. will give you lots of gifts and things that make him think of you, and just. talk to you openly. be weird around you

26. How do they react to being disliked? Similarly, how do they express their distaste for others?

being disliked is the least of julian's worries, he doesn't really care. he'll just go eh cant reel in every fish in the sea i guess. and just not be buddy buddy w them. he expresses distaste by just exchanging glances w friends and being openly awkward and dismissive but not outright mean around them, like (guy approaches and tries to make conversation) "oh haha, uh...cool! uh, my friends and i were about to go do something, but thats sick i guess?" and then gossip w his friends kjhhjds

eva is used to it and is outwardly like WHATEVER. doesnt faze me. LOTS of people dislike me because they dont VALUE the lessons i teach them. and then he goes home and goes why dont they like me. what am i doing wrong. obviously this is something wrong with them, and not me (daily affirmation voice). he is verbal when he doesnt like someone-- he'll be rude, order them around, tell them to go away and do work, or just straight up say hey man, can you just leave me alone? i don't like you or your face

skuggy is glad when people dont like him because it means he can bug the shit out of them or theyll leave him alone. he will straight up call you a cunt if he doesnt like you

31. What are some things you associate with them? Certain aesthetics, items, colors, feelings, tastes etc! Anything goes!

we're in the final stretch. idk why but i associate julian with octopi? and the color purple, hearts, infinity symbols and ouroboros (oh here comes buggy w the ouroboros again), cats, and very sweet things! "liminal spaces" and the feeling of being surrounded by people yet being so excruciatingly isolated from them and yourself. and rams i guess

eva is really so much classical music, electricity piano, blue, oceans, and sharks to me. sea life and fish in general. any song w piano in it i run to look up its lyrics to try and tie it to him. coldness, snow, paper and very isolated scholarly vibes i guess. the sound of a metronome or a clock ticking, something steady and repetitive. ouh and clocks. hes hokma's son /j

buggy with rlly bright colors, electricity and neon, fire and chill peppers, and sheep! i havent been in the salem brain for so long man i wish i had more. forests and little lit wood cabins. and violence .

skuggy is a lot of muted colors like blue, green, brown. weird and funny lookin bugs. POLYPHEMUS MOTHS and eyes eyes eyes. feeling of crushing anxiety that makes u start gnawing and drawing blood everywhere. laundry machines. and just general brainweirdness. all of my undescribed mental junk that i cant label under anxiety or depression that is just generally truck stop tiger brain. and knives of course

im tired now but i had fun. hope you enjoy my essay my bible my manuscript. if you made it this far i legitimately applaud you and owe you my life like the hell. thanks. ok bye

[syscurse]

Hey. Responding to your question on endogenic DID: I don't really agree that endogenic DID is a thing, but I've seen the arguments on it and can hopefully explain:

A lot of arguments on it boil down to "DID isn't a trauma disorder in the DSM, and it states that trauma is common, not required." Another argument is "brains are complicated and we don't understand how they work, if someone feels like their plurality is disordered they can describe themselves as a DID system"

I'm not going to comment on those as I want to present them without bias and let others come to their own conclusions on it, but I would like to quickly also add that honestly I don't think many endogenic systems agree with these sorts of arguments. From what I've seen, it's a very small vocal minority who argue this stuff

Thanks for your explanations! I agree that it doesn't seem like many endogenic systems agree with those arguments. It does seem to counter what the majority of the endogenic community has advocated for. I also agree it's more of a vocal minority... I was curious about why that minority had that stance, though.

Thank you for presenting the arguments without bias. I'll write down my thoughts on them here.

I can kinda get behind the "brains are complicated" argument but I think there comes a point where it turns unhealthy. Why self-identify with a disorder where the understood cause and treatment for it just does not fit your experience or help you? Like, I've been misdiagnosed before (not gonna say what it was). I did genuinely experience some of the symptoms associated with that disorder, but the main understanding, causes, and treatment behind it just did not vibe at all. I got some extra opinions and agreed that it was likely a misdiagnosis. My symptoms were better explained by something else.

But if I decided that it wasn't a misdiagnosis...and that centuries of research and lived experiences were likely wrong because "brains are complicated," I don't know where I would be. I'd probably have hurt a lot of people by spreading something like that. I'd probably have hurt myself a lot, too. I probably wouldn't have found a better answer for my experiences, either. So, I'm glad I didn't do that.

It just sounds like a scenario where I would be really unhappy and fighting people all the time.

As for the DSM argument, that one just irks me. I might be a bit more blunt here. Idk what I hate more, the DSM or syscoursers using it like its' a fucking weapon or gotcha. It's a diagnostic tool for trained clinicians, not your Mental Disorders 101 textbook.

"Trauma disorder" isn't a thing. The category is trauma-and-stressor-related. It's specifically only for disorders that have trauma in their diagnostic criteria. That trauma has to be identified and specifically fit what the DSM considers to be trauma, which does not include things like emotional abuse or having a life-threatening illness. The DSM's definition of trauma is often critiqued for being very limited.

DID is categorized as a dissociative disorder because that's the main symptom. Dissociation involves forgetting and often denying trauma. Emotional abuse and neglect is one of the most commonly reported experiences by people with DID, too. It would honestly be evil if "identified trauma" was put in the diagnostic criteria. No one should want that!!!

And what's funny to me is that this no one seems to realize that DID has been categorized as a stress-related disorder in the past, just not in the DSM.

I just feel like the people who are claiming such and such "because of the DSM" probably don't know what they're talking about...

- Sunflower

[galacticlamps]

fanfic writer asks 🤡🛒🎶🌞🤲? (I realise this is a lot and you were trying to keep them short gdjkhf I am SO sorry. no pressure to answer all of them haha)

🤡 What’s a line, scene, or exchange you’ve written that made you laugh?

This did give me pause because I know I’ve laughed at certain lines as I was writing them before, but rn I can’t remember any that are actually funny in and of themselves? I don’t even mean that like ‘on second thought, I amuse myself and no one else’ - I just think I’m probably more of a dramatic irony type of person than a crafter of fabulous one-liners in either dialogue or narration. Plus Two & Jamie lend themselves to that so well, so perhaps what I laughed at was less my writing and more just a general sense of, “Oh, you two idiots who don’t know what I (and every single other person in this fandom) know.” Like maybe what happens in Itemized or Visitation Rights isn’t like, laughter funny but eye-roll funny? Or maybe I’m just having trouble remembering smaller/more immediately funny bits so all I can do right now is talk plots/themes. That is also a possibility.

🛒 What are some common things you incorporate in your fics? Themes, feels, scenes, imagery, etc.

Well, surely “oh you idiots” is up there as either a theme or a feeling or something, but I believe that’s just a necessary symptom of being a Two/Jamie writer. As for me personally, hmm...

Do you know that bit in Much Ado About Nothing where Benedick’s like, “There’s a double meaning in that!” and the joke is that no, really that means exactly what you think it does you himbo - but also, this is a Shakespeare play & you are actively being played by your friends so okay, technically, sure there’s a double meaning in all of this, but calm down alright it’s not like you discovered anything that wasn’t already painfully clear? That bit? I feel like I love any chance to write something like that - characters knowing one another well enough to talk about one thing while talking about another even though it’s kinda obvious and #notthatdeep. They/I do not get points for being clever or anything because everyone knows what they’re saying/alluding to even if they get some kick or whatever out of not stating it directly. But it’s still fun to write, especially when characters have a rapport that supports that kind of thing.

Or did you mean something more concrete? I feel like I pay a lot of attention to physicality - again, easy when you’re writing Two/Jamie & that’s so much of who they are - but I kinda need to be able to trace the positions & movements of everyone in a fic all the time, so I feel like gestures & touch come up a lot with me, even if they aren’t strictly necessary to the story? I also catch myself pointing out the quality of light in most scenes I write, not necessarily as a thing to focus on, but another one of those struggle-not-to-mention-it things. But hey, I have a url to live up to!

🎶 Do you listen to music while you write? What song have you been playing on loop lately?

I do - current length of my Two/Jamie playlist is over 18 hours (whoops! I realize that's not really a playlist at all it's just a big group of songs that can be made to make me think of them) and I’ve also totally made smaller breakout playlists to help with focus on individual fics before. I stop when I want to get serious about editing, and then when I’m proofreading I can put music back on only if I have one of those dedicated smaller playlists, otherwise I’ll risk getting some wires crossed on vibes.

But what have I been playing on loop lately? Well in the “linked (tightly) to a specific fic” category, Pink Floyd’s “Us & Them” has been required listening while reading/working on the heart of one wip. And more generally I’ve been listening to Skerryvore’s album Evo a lot lately, and that’s got a few songs on it that also feature on the Two/Jamie playlist for various reasons.

🌞 Do you have a preferred time of day to write?

Answered! Spoiler alert: it boils down to ‘literally whenever I can’ - not very fun ik

🤲 Would you please share a snippet of a wip?

No :)

I’m kidding. But you might wish I wasn’t after you see it.

I won’t forget you, you know.

Jamie’s cheeks burned with the embarrassment of his own naivety. Wounded, he wondered if the Time Lords had laughed at him then, knowing what was about to happen. He wondered if the Doctor knew, and only put on a brave face so Jamie could go on believing that for as long as he would remember wanting to. But it hadn’t worked, and he remembered now – but also, he remembered now.

Deeper than the embarrassment but stronger too, there was a spark, a tiny ember glowing inside him: he hadn’t forgotten. The Time Lords had done their best but it had only stopped him for a little while – a few months, a handful of weeks. All-powerful masters of the universe, and they couldn’t even keep him from remembering for longer than that. No, he hadn’t forgotten. He’d just been a little dazed - distracted, that was all. But neither his heart nor his mind had let go of the Doctor, and they wouldn’t now either. It was dangerous, hope, Jamie knew that – knew the things it could lead people to do, the risks they might take in its name. But he had beaten their memory block after all, and if that could happen, then maybe . . .

It might be foolish of him to hope, but as he turned his face towards the stars with bleary, tear-filled eyes, he found it hard not to.

Because if he could remember, what could the Doctor do?