#solarsong writes

[solarsong-writes]

Whew, we're so close to the finish line -- Chapter 6 of Lives Etched on Our Palms is out now! It comes with some fun new tags, namely psychological horror, existential horror, eldritch horror, and cosmic horror. Hope people enjoy! :)))))))

Next chapter will take a bit, since I mostly just have plans and an outline, but not much writing in it like I did for this chapter.

[solarsong-writes]

I'm still alive -- the back half of the semester just took me out from writing. The next chapter (which will have to be split into two chapters, which also means 8 chapters total instead of 7) of Lives Etched on Our Palms is getting good progress though! We're looking at almost 4k words already, and I'm still not done yet. In the meantime, I have a deleted scene from Chapter 6 that was from Mafuyu's POV (has spoilers for chapters 1-5):

Mafuyu loves the priestess, loves how Kanade's eyes twinkle whenever she laughs, but just love isn't enough. It weighs on the scale, but it will never outweigh his sworn duties to his Majesty and his family–

—

There's not one day where Mafuyu has gone by and not thanked the stars that Kanade convinced her to run away. Taking her son's hand in hers, she starts reading a bedtime story to the boy–

—

The carriage ride is more rickety and bumpy than Mafuyu would like, but he tolerates it if it means he gets more time with Kanade. The view isn't half bad either, the rolling hills slowly passing them by.

“It's beautiful–

—

At the more recently lively dining table, Mafuyu thinks that Kanade has assimilated nicely into their family. Her father treated Kanade with just as much consideration as he did for Mafuyu, and it warms her heart to know that her two member family has grown to three–

—

The fire crackles in front of them, warming them in the cool night. Mafuyu huddles closer to Kanade, the other woman reacting by pressing into Mafuyu's side. She looks up at the sky, wondering if people of old saw the same stars as she did–

---

This was written before I had finalized Chapter 6 being from Kanade's POV, however they do hint at what canonically happens in each of their lives. :)

I will probably post an extended author's note on Tumblr about the fic once I'm finished as I think it would be fun to ramble on the writing process as well as the general plots I had in mind for each chapter! This fic has been a blast to write and it presented such an interesting challenge for me to plan around and execute.

[solarsong-writes]

Chapter 5 of Lives Etched on Our Palms is finally out! Definitely took longer than expected, and is by far the longest chapter too! Turns out writing two distrustful characters developing a sense of camaraderie in a harsh world takes time. And words.

Next chapter update may take a little while, just because things are getting busier.

[solarsong-writes]

Sneak peek of Chapter 7 of Lives Etched on Our Palms! The chapter will contain both Mafuyu's and Kanade's perspectives, and the setting might also be a bit familiar... :)

----

Mafuyu is perfect. 

So the people around her say, at least. 

It’s that time of the year again, where she’ll be harried by many of her upperclassmen. The various clubs are out in full force today, hollering at any passerbys and waving colorful flyers. Some of the more enthusiastic ones press them into unsuspecting victims’ hands, forcing them to listen to their recruitment spiel.

But Mafuyu has always wondered a bit at the word perfection. What did it mean to be perfect? It was apparent that the others believed it was to be kind, to be smart, to be patient, to excel, to achieve, or any number of convenient traits or accomplishments they could layer onto her. 

“Hey! You should join the kyudo club! It'll be fun!” A girl she presumes is her senior shoves a flyer into Mafuyu's hands. 

Ah. She’s become one of those very victims. Perhaps Mafuyu should have been more vigilant, but it was customary to join a club of some sort as a first year. It would be proper. It would make her mother happy if Mafuyu is more well-rounded. 

Mafuyu politely looks down at the flyer, scanning the information. The design has…a lot to be desired, but the awkwardly placed elements and the cartoonish smiles on vague silhouettes does have its own charm. Her gaze lingers specifically on the image of a bow. Something about the bow speaks to her, a small voice in the back of her mind urging her to join. Mafuyu is careful enough to not let a frown cross her face.    

“We really need members so it'd be great if you could join!” The girl’s eyes sweep Mafuyu up and down. “I bet you’d fit in perfectly!”  

Perfect is a strange word. Mafuyu has always felt differently about perfection. True perfection would simply be nothingness, because the second it becomes something – it no longer can be perfect. So perhaps everyone is right in a way, becoming a doctor would be perfect for Mafuyu because the thought of it fills her with emptiness.

[solarsong-writes]

Sneak peek of Chapter 5 of Lives Etched onto Our Palms, a reincarnation AU for Kanamafu using the 2024 Kanamafu prompts!

---

Face smudged with grime, dirt buried underneath fingernails, and dust coating her lungs with every breath; Mafuyu trudges along a jagged broken path, the withered plants crumbling beneath her boots. It’s unfortunately reached the time of year where the heat becomes sweltering, and the only relief from the unforgiving sun are the dust storms that blot out the pale grainy sky. 

Sometimes when she closes her eyes she dreams of a blue world, a forgiving world. A world where each breath was not labored, where every step was not pained.

But Mafuyu only knows the dust filled yellows and browns, the harsh oranges, and the charcoal gray of dark clouds. 

Rumbles sound in the distance, and Mafuyu quickly searches for shelter, spying the ruins of a giant statue. She can make out another figure hunched beneath it, however. There’s not enough time to be picky though – she’ll have to take the risk. 

Mafuyu slows her fast paced steps down to a cautious walk. Raising both hands in surrender, she ducks under the overhang. “May I share this space with you?”

[solarsong-writes]

Can I just say how much joy it gives me to hear from other Project Sekai peeps that I'm referred to as the "egg writer"? Mostly because I wrote that one "egg Kanamafu fic" with three egg scenes that blew up waaaayy beyond my imagination. I haven't written any more egg scenes (as far as I remember) in my other fics either. I've even gotten some of my research published, but this is the thing that sparks the most joy.

It's now my leggacy.

[solarsong-writes]

I did it. Chapter 7 of Lives Etched on Our Palms is out! Before the new year (for me)! You may also notice that the max chapter count is now set at 8 -- I had to split the last chapter into two separate ones because I wanted to do both Mafuyu's and Kanade's POVs. Chapter 7 has gone through a rewrite too, so the previous sneak peek is no longer accurate as well.

I now (fortunately or unfortunately, depending on who you ask) still have one more chapter to go!

[solarsong-writes]

Chapter 2 of Amongst Flowers Without Names, a Kanamafu hanahaki fic where I may have gotten carried away with some worldbuilding, is out!

I will most likely post Chapter 3 at some point in the near future, and then switch to focusing on my Kanamafu week fic!

[solarsong-writes]

I'm alive again, and Chapter 4 of Lives Etched onto Our Palms is out!

Oops for being away for so long, I did not think it would be almost three months between updates. Between making a cosplay for Otakon, prepping to teach classes, research, research, and more research; I got progressively busier over the summer. D:

I may or may not start alternating between updates on this fic and Amongst Flowers Without Names since it's been a while! Chapter 5 of Lives Etched onto Our Palms will be coming out first for sure -- it already has 1100ish words written for it!

[solarsong-writes]

It's KanaMafu Week and that means I have a fic for everyone! Lives Etched on Our Palms is a Kanamafu reincarnation AU where I had the idea to combine all of the KanaMafu Week prompts into one coherent fic!

Summary:

The wheel of time spins on and on, centuries after centuries, millennia after millennia. It’s said that ‘history repeats itself’, that mankind will inevitably commit the same mistakes over and over again. Some protest that the choices people make matter, that not everything is predetermined. Regardless of the truth, the Goddess watches over all.

Or

Of past lives, of countless partings and reunions, of two souls clawing through fate and finding one another again.

Or

The author’s ambitious (and mildly unhinged) project to combine all the 2024 Kanamafu Week prompts into one coherent story.

The first three prompts are done and will be posted in a timely manner, 4-7 are still in progress and may be delayed.

[solarsong-writes]

Chapter 3 of Amongst Flowers Without Names, is now out! For those of you unfamiliar with the fic, it's a hanahaki AU fic where Mafuyu has no clue who the hanahaki is for. :)

This fic is also going to be on hiatus until I finish my 2024 Kanamafu week fic (working title: Lives Etched on Our Palms) -- I'll see everyone then! :D

[solarsong-writes]

It's crunch time right now for the semester, so it will probably be quite a bit before I can update again (and hopefully I don't get hit with writing burnout either). So here's a deleted scene from To Walk Where the Light Shines, a Kanamafu fic that takes place right after Saying Goodbye to My Persona and was written before the next N25 event. It's the canon contents of Mafuyu's dream in one of the chapters towards the end:

There’s a black bunny and a white bunny. 

The black bunny lives together with her family. 

The black bunny has an overbearing mother, who tells the black bunny what is best for her. The black bunny is grateful for the guidance, but feels uneasy sometimes. The black bunny wants to go outside and play, but her mother won’t let her because it’s too dangerous. Her mother tells the black bunny that there are so many scary things outside – the hunters, foxes, and only bad things that want to hurt the black bunny. Her mother tells her many terrible stories of other bunnies getting hurt because they wandered outside. Her mother tells her about scary awful things all the time until the black bunny wants to cry from fear. Her mother tells her that it will all be okay as long as the black bunny listens to her. As long as the black bunny is a good bunny. The black bunny learns to stay inside. 

The white bunny lived together with her family. 

The white bunny has a loving mother and father, who want what makes her the happiest. But then her mother became terribly sick and passed away. The white bunny lived together with her father. Then her father… her father got injured and taken away because of the white bunny. But it’s okay, the white bunny is not lonely. The friendly shiba inu living nearby occasionally visits to bring her gifts and food. The white bunny goes outside. The white bunny frolics in the grassy fields. The white bunny listens to the whistles of the wind on the grass. The white bunny collects flowers, arranging them into patterns. The white bunny isn’t lonely at all, there’s so much to do each day. The white bunny learns to be alone.  

One day, the black bunny couldn’t sleep. She tried counting dandelion seeds. She tried pacing around the cramped space. She tried and tried, but nothing could stop her from feeling like the walls of her home were closing in on her. The black bunny runs away to the outside.

One day, the white bunny couldn’t sleep. She tried playing with one of the gifts she received. She tried eating a midnight snack. She tried and tried, but nothing could stop her from feeling like the loneliness was crushing her. The white bunny runs away to the outside. 

The black bunny and white bunny meet each other under the gaze of the moon and stars. They are both surprised.  

‘Another bunny like me alone outside at night?’ they think. 

‘This bunny must be like me’ they think.

They become friends. They fall asleep next to each other in a hollow tree stump for the night. They wake up before the sun rises to return home, but not before promising to see the other again.  

They meet each other when the moon is high in the sky and play in the field together, eat together, and nap together. 

The black bunny realizes the outside isn’t as scary as it seemed.

The white bunny remembers what it’s like to be with someone. 

The black bunny and white bunny are inseparable from each other until the sun rises and they have to return to their respective homes. 

The days pass by peacefully, uneventfully, blissfully, like this. 

But one day the black bunny’s mother discovers this. The black bunny’s mother is furious. The black bunny is scared. But no longer scared of the outside. The black bunny runs away from home. 

The black bunny doesn’t know where she’s going. The black bunny finds herself with the white bunny –   

--

My original intent with this was to reflect on Kanade's and Mafuyu's dynamic from a somewhat more outside perspective -- the fic is written in 3rd person limited POV so it's rather difficult to pull back the perspective onto the bigger picture. I had actually planned a more objective reflection from Kanade in Chapter 9 for this purpose, but my hand slipped and you guys got all the fun stuff there instead. :) I also wrote this as an attempt to flesh out the picture book from Mafuyu's colorfes card given how important it is to Mafuyu.

I decided to remove this from the fic because 1) it was a sizable tonal shift 2) people typically don't remember the contents of their dream perfectly 3) the dream sequence felt too contrived and 4) it didn't add any new information -- it was rehashing something that the reader could already see demonstrated throughout the fic.

It's a cute scene though.

[solarsong-writes]

The semester started up again recently so I've been a bit radio silent, but here's a sneak peek of Chapter 8 of Lives Etched on Our Palms:

Kanade is a genius. 

At least, that’s what her parents tell her. 

Her parents are hugging her super tightly after she played her dad's birthday song. Her dad has a goofy smile and looks really really happy. Everything is so warm and nice. If she can make her parents happy like this again, that would be fun.  

All the sneaking around and practicing really paid off for today. She was so sure her mom was going to figure out what she was doing when she caught Kanade dragging her dad’s old keyboard to her room. But, she talked her way out of it by saying it was for a drawing!

Her dad looks down at her fondly. “Kanade, how did you make your song?”

“Umm…” Kanade tilts her head. She remembers tapping away at the keyboard, her fingers feeling too small and awkward when hitting the keys. She also couldn’t play the same chords like her dad could, so Kanade had to work extra hard to find two note versions that made the song sound nice. But it had felt like something was guiding her fingers the entire time. “The song wanted to be played so I played it!” Kanade answers.

“The song wanted to be played? How mysterious,” her mom chimes in.

“Yeah! There's a bunch of songs in my head that want to be played!” Kanade explains. Whenever she’d go lay down to sleep, there would be different tunes playing in her head. They’ve been there as long as she could remember actually. Her dad did say that music came from the heart, so all the songs Kanade hears must be from her heart too.   

Her dad laughs. “Kanade…you really are blessed by music. Most people have a hard time coming up with ideas.”

“Really?” Kanade looks up. That’s a shame. Anyone could make music if they just listened to the songs though. Maybe they weren’t paying attention? 

Her dad gives a little sigh, but smiles just as widely as before. “Yes, really. I can teach you more about making music when you’re a little older.” 

“I want to learn now! I made a song for you so I’m old enough now!” Kanade pouts, refusing to look at her dad.

“Now, now, Kanade. I can teach you a few basics, but a lot goes into composing a song that you won’t understand until you’re older.” Her dad coaxes. 

Kanade looks back hopefully. “Do you promise?”

“I promise,” her dad says warmly. 

“Yay! I want to compose as good as you!” Kanade cheers. 

“I’m sure you’ll be even better than me,” her dad says.

“Hehe, I’ll be the best composer you’ve seen!” Kanade declares. 

A warm hand rests on Kanade’s head. “That would be wonderful to see,” her mom says.

One day, Kanade will definitely compose all the songs and make everyone smile. That’s all she wants.

[solarsong-writes]

I'm most definitely burnt out of reading and writing things for now, so Amongst Flowers Without Names probably won't get an update for a while. I'm still determined to see the fic through until the end, and all the main plot beats have long been planned out already. Just currently doing so much research and writing that the last thing I want to do in my free time is more writing. D:

[solarsong-writes]

I promised deleted scenes from my fics as goodies, so here's one that didn't make it into Consume the Shape of My Dreams (a Mizuena soulmate AU fic):

Mizuki hums a little tune to himself, swinging his arms as he walks besides his mom and sister at the mall. The mall is Mizuki’s favorite place to be. 

He likes putting on all the different clothes at the clothing stores, and his mom would always buy them a large fry to share on the way back. 

Going to the mall is the best!

As they walk into one of the stores, his sister instantly goes off on her own into a sea of bland grays. Still looking at the direction Yuuki disappeared in, Mizuki tugs on her dress. “Mom, why do the clothes for adults always look different?”

“It's because many adults can see colors,” his mom explains.

“Colors?” All Mizuki can see is that the clothes for adults look boring. Maybe adults like this kind of stuff.

“Hmm. It's hard to explain.” His mom touches a long dress. “This looks different to you than it does to me and Yuuki.”

“Why can't I see the same thing?” Mizuki asks. Are my eyes wrong? 

Mizuki feels a gentle pat on his head as his mom speaks, “Because you haven't met your soulmate.” 

Mizuki frowns. “What about my clothes?”

Do they look different to Mom and Yuuki too?

“No, your clothes look the same to us,” his mom reassures.

“But are they cute?” Mizuki asks.

“They’re cute. Let's find something for you to wear tonight,” his mom says.

“Okay!”

---

Originally I wrote this to parallel it later with Mizuki's mall outing with Ena and also to hint that Yuuki didn't have a soulmate (because she's aromantic) before it gets heavily implied in a later scene. That and I wanted to throw in a little more worldbuilding on how fashion worked in this AU.

I decided to remove this scene in the end because it pivoted the chapter a little too much towards the fashion aspect for Mizuki's character arc. It was also a scene that could be summarized in a few sentences instead, and I knew I could explore some of the aspects later in a one-shot if I really wanted to.

[solarsong-writes]

Hiii I'm so glad u made a Tumblr! I love picking knmf authors' brains hehe. Here's a question! How do u get ideas on what to write for knmf? :3

-mascfuyu anon

Awww thanks for the warm welcome!! My brain also likes being picked and this is a fun question to answer! :D

For me so far, my story ideas come from something triggering brainrot (To Walk Where the Light Shines, Sinking Into A Summer Night) or simply writing the AUs I love (Blend My Song Into Nonexistent Love, Consume the Shape of My Dreams, Amongst Flowers Without Names). 

I think To Walk Where the Light Shines is self-explanatory because of the Saying Goodbye to My Persona event and knowing I would go crazy from simply waiting for the next event – but to give a little more detail on the other ones (brace yourself): 

Sinking Into a Summer Night was directly due to the full version of Kimi no Yoru Wo Kure coming out (and has quickly risen to becoming one of my most favorite N25 commissioned songs). It was the perfect blend of bittersweet I like in my music and I got so many feelings from it that I needed to express it in some manner. So I thought about how I could stay true to the song and keep that cozy but bittersweet vibe in a fic.

Blend My Song Into Nonexistent Love was because of my great love for soulmate AUs, and as I was making dinner one night I thought “Haha, the Empty SEKAI is gray so if there was that seeing color soulmate thing going on then the characters would probably get really confused” – followed immediately by that very vivid scene where Kanade and Mafuyu make eye contact for the first time popping up in my mind. I knew at that point I wanted to write a fic around that one scene. Consume the Shape of My Dreams naturally followed from this fic too. 

I’ll skip elaborating on Amongst Flowers Without Names for now due to potential spoilers, but feel free to ask me when I'm finished with the fic! 

For how I come up with ideas for my Kanamafu AU fics in general though, it really all boils down to one question: 

“What would it mean for the world, society, and the characters if X exists?” 

For example, we take something like being unable to see colors until you meet your soulmate. What would happen if 50% of people couldn't see color by the age of 25? They'd have to find some way to navigate the society without color vision and this is a substantial population we're talking about. So there are some things that would become more accessible. Traffic lights would probably change to be both color and symbol based. Does that mean that people will not be allowed to drive until they can see colors? Probably not, because people will still have jobs and they do need a means of transportation. I essentially trace the ripple effects of one change, as well as how my own worldbuilding decisions would impact things further. I repeat this type of thought process for anything else I think may be relevant in the AU and the story kind of writes itself at that point. 

I could go super in-depth about the worldbuilding behind my soulmate AU, but I'll save that for another post if people are interested! (I could gush all day about soulmate AUs) 

Tl;dr: My fic ideas spawn from either me about to go crazy if I don't express/write it or because I love a certain AU and then examine how the one premise would alter the world as well as how the characters would navigate it.