#and more after what he do TO DAVID AND GENYA !!!!!!!

[zulemmita]

I died

[kasagia]

In the darkness

Pairing: Aleksander Morozova/General Kirigan/The Darkling x fem! Alina's sister! Sun Summoner! reader Summary: After you and Alina destroyed the fold, she killed Aleksander and became queen at Nikolai's side, you took the place, tittle and chambers of the General of the Second Army. And then... strange things starts to happen in the darkness. Warning(s): obsessive behaviour; toxic relationship; voyeurism; Aleks manipulates the reader, the reader gives in to him; the reader is alone and needs someone *cough* her Darkling; fight; violence; dark reader; Word Count: 9,2 k Taglist: @aoi-targaryen ~•♤♤♤•~ Aleksander Morozova's Masterlist ~•♤♤♤•~

You won. Alina won. The fold did not exist anymore… as well as he. Ravka was safe. And the new royal couple was supposed to provide it with peace and splendor. That's what they were saying.

Nobody talked about the fallen. About the thousands of Grishas still living in fear. About thousands were imprisoned by Fjerdans and Shu-Hans who experimented on them.

All that mattered was that the Darkling was dead. The darkness disappeared. The shadows left with their last summoner, whose body he begged you to burn.

And maybe, after all, he was cruel. Maybe he knew that despite everything he had done, you still loved him, and his request (as well as his staring at you as if you were his only light and the only one thing he wanted to look at before his death) would completely break your already battered heart.

Maybe that was his last act of manipulation and control over you. A pleasure he couldn't slip out of his fingers. Maybe seeing you sobbing over him was the last goal he set for himself, before he leaves this world after the centuries he has lived. Centuries of constant fighting and flight. Centuries of leaving in his own shadows, in hatred, each time he looked at the fold, he was reminded that he wasn't able to achieve his goal.

That he was utterly alone...

Just as you are now.

Or maybe he just loved you, and you didn't want to admit it to yourself...

And now, laying on the bed in which he used to sleep, on the bed he used to hold you, on the bed he spent with you many sleepless nights and long, late mornings, you know that no matter what renovation this room will have, it will always remind you of him.

Your Aleksander... your equal... your monster.

You shiver as the cold, winter air comes to his... your room. You get up from the bed and walk to the window to close the door.

You look at the palace gardens and immediately remind yourself of the days before you found out he was Black Heretic, before that fatal Winter Fete.

Two years ago, Aleksander was chasing you around gardens, laughing, snowballs fighting, and doing all the stupid things he couldn't do in the daylight.

Two years ago, your life looked like a fairytale, and you were blessed to live in it. Now it is much closer to tragedy. And knowing how the events would turn out, you would have definitely cherished those simple, peaceful days with Aleksander by your side more while they lasted.

You sigh, absently stroking your right hand where Aleksander ordered David to physically embed the amplifier into you a few months ago.

You were pathetic. Missing the man who manipulated you, who hurt your sister, who wanted to kill your friends, who hurt Genya... but that was why you couldn't fully hate him. He did everything to achieve his goal. He hurt everyone who stood in his way.

Except you.

Never you.

And it hurt more than if he had physically hurt you.

He always held you up as his equal. The son of a bitch even had his kefta re-stitched to have gold embroidery to represent your power. He wore your combined colours with pride. Just like you did before you discovered how many sweet lies he had fed you since the day you first met him.

Tears come to your eyes as you remember how that fucking bastard, moments before Alina drove the shadow sword through his abdomen, lunged at his Nichevo'yas to stop them from attacking you. You saw the vulnerability and the fear in his eyes until your light drove the shadow monsters away from you. And relief, which was replaced by painful shock when Alina took advantage of his moment of inattention and killed him.

It had never occurred to you to hurt Alina before... except that fateful day.

You wipe the tears from your cheeks with your hand and turn to go back to the bed. You had a meeting with several colonels, including Fedyor and Ivan. The two were also torn apart by the war.

At least Fedyor still has his Ivan alive to atone for his sins. - you think bitterly, even jealousy, as you somehow manage to fall asleep in this big, empty, cold bed.

And when you close your eyes, the candle that was lit on the nightstand that once belonged to Aleksander goes out as you fall into a deep sleep.

If you had been a little more alert, you would have seen shadows that created a curtain covering the window, thus blocking the moonlight from entering your chamber.

"I have no intention of punishing them, Alina." you tell your sister as you work at the war table. Aleksander's plans were somehow still preserved. And you review them, updating and changing them according to your needs.

"They fought alongside the Darkling. What kind of general are you? What example will you set by not punishing those who defied the crown and followed their Black General?"

"That's why I have no intention of doing anything about it, your majesty. You were Grisha yourself before you lost your powers. Whose side would you fight for—the king who hates them or the general who gave them a safe place? And please try to put aside our personal prejudices and see the whole thing, not just a little peace through the prism of your hatred towards him, because we both know damn well that Aleksander was many things. A good commander was one of them."

"I never wanted to be a Grisha." Alina says this with pain in her eyes. You know this very well. You wouldn't have wanted to be a Sankta or general either... if it weren't for Aleksander.

"But you were. You can't just forget about that, Sol Koroleva."

"You're definitely not making it easy for me." she sighs tiredly, smiling at you. She sits down in the chair next to you and takes your hand. "If I could turn back time and... not bring Mal back to life and not lose my power, I would. I wouldn't leave you alone with this, you know, right?"

"I know... but that's not how things went..." you say, swallowing, as you let go of the papers and look at your sister. "But that's okay. I will keep an eye on your children and grandchildren... Maybe one of them will become the next Sun Summoner? Who knows?" you laugh, trying to lighten the mood, but by the look Alina gives you, you know that your tone wasn't as carefree as you wanted it to be.

"Y/N... I'm sorry." you interrupt her before she begins to pity you, before her compassion overwhelms you to the point where you sink into your own pain and suffering, which inevitably entails an eternity ahead of you. And that was just the beginning.

"You don't have to... I... I can always die somehow. I don't have to live forever."

"We both know that's not in your blood to give up. You will fight till the end... till Grishas and Ravkans will live as equals in a safe country."

"Maybe yes... or maybe I will throw it all to hell and go around the world. I remember that Kaz once proposed to me to join their little group of thieves. It could be fun."

You both laugh at that. Then Alina gives you a sad, apologetic look before asking you a very dangerous and… hurting question.

"Do you miss him? Aleksander?"

A dead silence falls between you after her whispering question. As if his name were something forbidden to say out loud between you two. You play with the sleeve of your white kefta with gold embroidery, wondering how to answer this obvious question.

"Sometimes... but I guess it's only because I don't want to... to be alone like him..."

"Did you love him? At the day I killed him?" she asks, assuming that you stopped loving him at the moment he stopped breathing; at the moment when his black, poisoned by Merzost heart stopped beating… as it was just that simple for you to forget about him. The man who made you who you are now. The man who was first to show you how extraoridnary you are. Who understood you more than your sister - your supposed closest person in the world.

"I care more to have someone by my side through all of this that's about to happen… someone who will stay for longer than almost a century. I guess I'm starting to understand why he was chasing after us… why he wanted us by his side in his damn glorious purpose."

"He was chasing after you. He only cared about you. Not only because you were a Sun Summoner." she says it so lightly and so obviously that you start to wonder if she's deliberately trying to break you.

But if Aleksander taught you anything, it was how to keep your true emotions deep inside your heart. So you put your lips into a mocking smile and reply to her in a joking tone.

"Maybe. We will never find out. Anyway, I don't want to."

Fedyor's and Ivan's arrival rescued you from this unconvenient conversation. You nod to Alina as she leaves. She gives Ivan a hating, untrusyful look before guards close the door behind her. You look at the two heartrenders.

"It's good to see you both. I have some questions about these plans, and as general Kirigan's closest people, I assume, you both can explain some things to me, which I don't quite get right now."

You clear your throat, trying to forget about what you and Alina were talking about and focus on what the two men in front of you are saying. But it's hard to look at the Dark General's notes and plans and just not think of your Aleksander... Especially when those damn wooden soldiers are just as spread out on his war table as they were on the night of the Winter Fiesta when you run away from him.

And you have neither the heart nor the strength to move it to another place…

"Fedyor, can you leave us both for a while? You can wait for Ivan behind the door." you say after you've gotten through most of the stuff. Fedyor gives you a surprised look but doesn't question your order. He goes out, leaving you with Ivan, who has been giving you an unfavourable, almost hostile look since he sat down in the chair. You wouldn't care if the situation didn't require you to cooperate with him. After all, he was Aleksander's right-hand man. He probably knew the most about war tactics in the entire Second Army. And now that the fold was gone and you had to defend and fortify yourselves on all fronts, you would need all the help you could get. "Why are you looking at me like that? What's your problem?" you ask the heartrender, watching him carefully.

You both stared at each other for a moment. Ivan tries to hold back something, but the moment he notices Aleksander's ring—the only souvenir you let yourself leave after him—something inside him breaks.

"How dare you sit in his chair, having his tittle, want to do exactly the same things in the Second Army, using the same tactics as he did? You all are no different from him. Actually, you are much worse, and you call him a monster when everything he did was for us. For our safety, so that we can finally break free from the power of Otkazat'syas."

"I know you were loyal to him, but..."

"He had done nothing wrong. And you know it." he cuts you off before you can say anything else. The feeling of guilt awakens within you again, the uncomfortable lump in your throat every time you talk to someone about him growing stronger again. "I hope you also know that you and your sister destroyed everything he was working at. That Ravka will spill blood under your rule. That Lantsov prince will be the same as his father, as every king from their dynasty was."

"Be careful how you talk to me. I am your general now, Ivan. You should probably get used to it, before I change my mind and let Alina execute you." you say it coldly and grab a glass from the table to drink the whisky. "You can leave now."

"Of course, general." he said coldly, but before he stood up to leave, he put a black envelope on your desk.

"What is that?" you ask him, but he just bows to you and leaves. Only when the door closes behind him with a bang do you allow yourself to take the envelope in your hands.

Seeing Aleksander's seal—the eclipsed sun—makes you release the envelope from your hand as if it was burning you. You let it fall to the desk; your eyes focused only on it.

You hold your breath as your fingers land on the seal and stroke it tenderly. You remember the first letter you received from him... right after your first night together, when he had to leave the Little Palace for a while on important matters. He wrote to you every day until he came back again, heading straight into your arms and ignoring the fact that the General of the First Army and the colonels were waiting for him in the council chamber.

With trembling hands, you take the dagger and cut the envelope at the top so as not to break the last seal he left behind and get into the contents of the envelope.

A pendant falls from the envelope with a clatter onto the table. You leave the envelope with the letter and take the pendant in your hands, looking at it carefully.

It is a silver, convex oval with some vines engraved on the front, decorated with small, round pieces (your favourite gemstone). Initials are engraved on the back: A.M. You huff, realising that even in death, he wanted to make sure you were his in some way. And you're about to put the pendant down and hide it somewhere, where you would never find it again, but then suddenly you press something and it opens.

You gasp as you see what's hidden inside. Bone. A medium-sized, most likely from a wrist, finger, or other small part of the skeletal system.

You rummage through the envelope, and, apart from the letter, you find a small note that was probably attached to the necklace.

In case you need a reminder of your real power...

You lift the bone and feel your power flow through you, amplified. You sigh, feeling just like those months ago when his skin pressed against yours as he let you draw on his empowering abilities. You feel a tear roll down your cheek as you tremble with an overwhelming, long-forgotten feeling.

A knock on the door makes you panic, opening your desk drawer and gathering all your items into it. You close the drawer just as Zoya walks in, followed by your colonels. You rub your forehead, mentally getting ready for the next meeting.

However, you can't stop thinking about the envelope and necklace from Aleksander hidden in the drawer.

And if you were more observant, you would notice how shadows are hiding in the corner of the war room, watching you attentively, waiting for the right moment when they can come out of their hiding place. Or at least a bee that flew out of an open window.

You lie in your bed late at night. You stopped trying to fall asleep a long time ago. You laied on your back, breathing calmly with your eyes closed as you were wondering about the new informations from the camps close to the border.

The war was comming. You had right. Aleksander had right. Fjerdans and Shu-Hans wanted to use occasion and attack Ravka, since a fold has gone and now nothing stopped them from attack a West Ravka. If you lost your ports and supplies of food, raw materials and gold, you will lose that war and many will lose their lifes.

You were laying there, wondering about your next move in upcoming war. You shiver suddenly, feeling oddly. A strange chill spread through your body as you went into a more alert mode.

Subconsciously, you look around in the dark, trying to spot the dark, familiar irises. You're doing it under some irrational delusion that he is able to observe you even when he is dead. That he can watch your every move even though you watched his body burn...

Although he has already proved many times in his long, many-centuries life that he is capable of anything he wants...

With a flip of your wrist, a ball of light appears in a room. There was no one. Just you and your paranoya You frown and remove the ball of light as you lay back on the bed.

You sigh heavily, lying on your side. You watch a candle burning on the nightstand on the side that used to be Aleksander's. You watch the fire for a moment, admiring the colours of the flame and how it goes along with a soft wind from the opened window, and then blow it out. You close your eyes, listening to your surroundings, and just as you're about to drift off into blissful unconsciousness, you hear something like a cold whisper in your ear, which makes you shiver.

They are going to lose. They can't rule this country. They know nothing about the pain of war.

That tought appear in your mind, sounding extremaly like somebody you used to know very well... you shake your head. You were not going to imagine his voice on your head. You weren't go mad, were you?

Besides, that was a stupid tought. You will figure it out with Alina and the rest, just as you always do. Grishas will be safe. You will sacrifice your life to make it happen. Horrifyingly, you realise that someone before you has taken a similar oath.

Yet still, you can't help but look at the side of your chamber where Aleksander's letter is, hidden in your desk's drawer. You are so tempting to read it, even after all that happened between you both.

"Get out of my head." you whisper to yourself, as he was still linked with you somehow. As he was still able to appear in a room with you at any second.

You missed him. You admit it to yourself in the darkness of the bedroom you two used to share. But that didn't mean that you would bring him back in some way. He was too dangerous for the good of other people and too unpredictable. Irronicaly, he cared too much. And you were afraid that you were inevitably walking in his path; you were in the same place as he was all those years and centuries ago. But, contrary to him, you will have no one by your side. You will be utterly alone.

You try fall asleep, closing your eyes and ignoring the tears that fall on your pillow. If you learned anything from Aleksander, it was to let no one witness your suffering. They wouldn't understand your pain anyway.

There were no others like you. And there will never be ever again…

Against your better judgement, you quickly get up from the bed, and, before you can change your mind, with a ball of white light in your hand, you walk to the desk, illuminating your path.

You open the drawer and pull out that damned letter, hoping that reading it will give you some kind of closure you need.

You hold it with trembling hands, trying to ignore the fact that Aleksander's familiar handwriting was less refined and more cursive and simpler. There were also black traces of his blood in some places on the page. Even before you start reading, your heart sinks as you think about how Merzost was slowly killing him, as he was completely alone after Baghra's death—as alone as you are now.

And the first line is enough to bring the first pitiful tears to your eyes.

Moya milaya. Moya soverenyia,

The damn bastard knew you would take over his position. He was probably having a lark in hell right now, watching you cry over his letter, how you regretted every decision you made that got you here, and how you tried so hard to hate him with all your heart, but you just simply couldn't. And that made you hate yourself more when, despite everything, you entered the trap he had prepared specially for you while he was still living and clutched the letter in your hands, trying to read it despite the tears constantly appearing in your eyes and blurring your vision.

He wrote to you what you have already heard. That he isn't sorry, that he would do the exact same things except that he would make you his equal, that he wouldn't let you escape his grasp so easily, that he would kill all your loved ones just to be your only shelter where you could go in case of any danger, or simply when you were too overwhelmed by loneliness, like he was many times in his very long life.

And you should hate him. You should be disgusted by this toxic relationship, by his obsessive desire for possession, and by his fear of abandonment. And you could already feel yourself being filled with spite and resentment towards this man, a man who had ruined the relatively peaceful lives of you and your sister... But as you read the last lines of his letter, your feelings towards him became more unclear than before reading that damn letter.

I will be waiting for you. With open arms.

Maybe time will help you realise that there is no other way and that my actions will be yours in the future… that I was not the villain in this story, even if I seemed to be a monster to you, my little Sankta.

Maybe you will finally come to accept that you and I are unity and that we belonged to each other even before the saints decided to create the two of us.

Eya fyela chi(I love you), moya solnyshka.

I always did.

Yours,

Aleksander

You didn't sleep anymore that night. Instead, you lie in bed, your thoughts filled with this damn man who, even after his death, continues to abuse your already bleeding heart for him.

Midnights become your afternoons, that were the hours when your brain works best. You stoped burning candles at night. Surprisingly, you were thinking much better when you were in complete darkness, where the only light comed from the moon shining through the open balcony door.

You spent many nights in bed writing in a notebook, taking notes and plans that came to you as the moon hung in the sky and most of the Little Palace fell asleep.

It has become your little ritual. You sipped kvass or whisky, thinking of military tactics and other manoeuvres in case Ravka was attacked by its neighbors. You often had Aleksander's old notes spread around you. And even more often, you twirled his necklace in your fingers as you pondered over your plans.

You stopped visiting Alina in the Grand Palace. You were less and less likely to be seen by her side. But you were almost always in Alexander's library, the war room, and the training field, looking after the young Grishas who trained under the supervision of Ivan, Fedyor and Zoya.

Without knowing why, you always waited until dusk. It was your favorite time and you couldn't even say why…

Maybe if you noticed that every time you fell asleep, tired, over your notebook, thoughts that didn't belong to you suddenly appeared on the paper; maybe if you noticed how your rooms were covered with more and more shadows night after night, blocking out the moonlight, to get you to sleep faster; and maybe if you noticed how the blanket wrapped tighter around you as you drifted off to sleep and your forehead was tickled by the touch of something soft and warm; then you would realise what was inevitably to come.

Or rather, who kept his eyes on you each night, hidden in the darkness and shadows of the chamber...

Kissing someone else's lips seemed sacrilegious to you. You felt like you were doing something wrong, like you were desecrating and breaking all moral laws. But after all, you were a free, single woman, a general leading her people to war.

You could have relaxed and slept with some handsome Inferni who offered to worship his saint, couldn't you?

As it turned out, you couldn't.

You kissed the man hungrily and threw off his kefta. The moment he reached for the buttoms of your own, he unexpectedly stumbled and fell straight into the spear that was in the rack for swords and other weapons.

You stood there in shock for a moment, wondering how on earth he did this. And if you had been more attentive, you would have noticed how the shadows quickly fled from your gaze, and two dark eyes watched intently as you helped Inferni stop the bleeding enough for him to make it to the healers' tent.

You sigh in frustration as the man disappears from your sight. You clean up his blood and wash your hands before taking off your clothes.

It gives you chills. Not because the cold air of the tent hits your hot skin, but because you feel a slight tickle at the most sensitive point of your neck.

You turn and look around the tent carefully.

For the past few weeks, as soon as you left the Little Palace, you had a strange feeling that something was fleetingly brushing against you from time to time. The feeling of this strange, ghostly touch accompanied you both day and night, whenever you were alone with your thoughts. You thought it was some kind of paranoia and tried to brush this feeling off. After all, no one could touch you if you were clearly alone in the room, with no sign of another living soul.

Once you're sure you're alone, you rub your hands over your arms. Your arousal and desire quickly fade as you remember the battle that awaits you tomorrow—the first as a general of the Second Army. You make sure your weapons and combat kefta are ready and in place before you go into bed and fall into a fitful sleep.

A few hours later, as you lie there, dreaming deeply, your tent fades to black. From the shadows emerged none other than Aleksander.

The man slowly walked towards you, careful not to make any move that would increase your vigilance. Ever since you left the walls of the Little Palace, it has become easier and easier for him to make his way to you, thanks to the bond he established between the two of you by giving you a piece of his bone in a necklace.

It boiled inside him when he saw you with another man. He acted rashly and instinctively, pushing him onto the spear. He was glad that you were careless enough not to notice his presence.

You weren't ready. Not yet.

And this time, he knew better than to push you forcefully into his plan.

"My little Sankta." he whispers, his hand gently brushing your curves hidden from his eyes under the blanket.

He doesn't do anything inappropriate. He would never take advantage of you or touch you against your will... well, at least not in any invasive way. He had several scenarios prepared in his head about how the night would go, when you would finally admit your true feelings and abandon the façade of a righteous Sankta of Ravkans and Grishas.

"Soon you'll realise what you're really missing." he whispers as his fingers tips caress the skin of your collarbones.

He picks up the necklace he gave you that you wore around your neck. He lets his shadows surround you, allowing the moonlight to shine on you enough for the silver pendant to reflect it, making it seem like it was glowing, as if it were a source of your powers.

"I will wait for you… until you finally come to me willingly and accept the obvious truth—that we belong together. I promise you, moya milaya, I won't let you forget this even for a moment. You're mine. You were mine the moment you entered that damn tent—the moment our eyes met before you went on the ship through the fold. You can't deny the connection between us. And soon, you will come to accept that you need a monster by your side. That without me, there will only be suffering, loss, and eternal struggle waiting for you. I've spent centuries struggling with all of this and much more… let's see how long this charming and annoying stubbornness of yours will last, lapushka. I have all the time on earth to watch you struggle with the hatred of this world all alone…"

He pulls the blanket tighter around you and takes the opportunity to inhale your scent, which he had missed so much during those months he had been hanging between the worlds of the living and the dead. He clung to his life with his claws... just to be this close to you again. And he knew he would do the exact same thing in a heartbeat if it led him close to you.

"And in time, when you realise that your little friends of yours are not enough for you, I will be back to you. And I will take you into my arms without hesitation. We are destined to be together. Sweet dreams, moya soverenyia." he whispers and places a tender kiss on your forehead.

You jump out of bed, screaming. You take a few quick breaths and put your hand to your mouth, trying to calm yourself down and not let the tears fall. Your tent is in complete darkness as you try to calm down from your nightmare in which all of your Grishas died in the battle, in which everyone blamed you and started to hunt you and chase after you, just like the king once chased after Aleks...

You let yourself cry silently into your pillow, unaware of the figure sitting next to you and a lifting hand that was just above you, moving as if stroking your back soothingly.

Eventually, you fall asleep, shaking. The shadow of your enemy and lover watches over you and keeps an eye on you without you being even slightly aware of it.

Two years, four months, one week and three days. That's how long the war with Fjerda and Shu Han lasted.

That's how long it took them to take over Ravka.

You have failed. Both the First and Second Armies.

Nikolai was dead. Alina was either dead or in hiding like you, although judging by the recent public execution of Zoya and Alina's other guards, you suspect they had her locked up somewhere until they caught you.

And they were doing very well, considering you were currently running through the forest, escaping from a group of Drüskelles.

You ran through the forest, the cold air stinging your hot cheeks as you made your way through the snowdrifts, occasionally sending a ball of light behind you to daze your pursuers and lose them, if only for a moment. But covering up your tracks was the worst thing—a nuisance worse than the cold seeping into your bones through your soaked clothes.

You hear a gunshot. You groan as the bullet bounces off your kefta, most likely adding another bruise to your collection.

Then everything happens quickly. You are surrounded and forced to fight with both your power and your melee. You're doing quite well when suddenly one of them twists your arm. You groan in pain and use one hand to summon a cut, but it is so weak that it only reaches the lesser half of the men.

As if in slow motion, you see one of the Drüskells pointing a gun at you. Then the clearing becomes dark. You step back in fear and stumble upon the body of one of the men you killed.

Everything goes quiet. There is a deathly silence in which you can only hear your wheezing and breathing. You summon your light and dispel the shadows to see the last person you expected to see... at least when you are still alive.

"But... I saw your death... I watched you burn..." you manage to stammer.

Aleksander just walks towards you, like it was a casual thing for him to do. His black kefta with gold embroidery is intact, at least compared to yours, which is blackened from bullets and patched in a few places. He looks practically like the day he died... except his face is devoid of black scars.

"Won't you even say hello to me, my Y/N?" he asks maliciously and extends his hand for you to take it and stand up with his help. You've seen this scene before. You've been in this situation before, and you promised yourself that you would never step into the same river again.

"You should be dead." you snap at him coldly and stand up on your own without his help. You see him frown as he takes a closer look at your dilapidated and miserable state as you try to move away from him as far as you can.

"Moya lapushka... do you think I would let something like death to keep me apart from you? That your little Sol Koroleva could ever kill me? After I lived a hundreds lifes? Fake a hundred deaths?" he asks mockingly, walking over to you. He cups your cheek in his hand and strokes it tenderly with his thumb. "No. I have too much experience with eternity, milaya. I promised you that you and I will change the world. I intend to keep that promise. As well as the one where I will always come back to you, remember?"

"You were here all this time... you watched me..."

"Simply keeping an eye on you." he interrupts you, and you give him a mad look, knowing full well that he's lying as you realise that all the random things and disasters that were happening around you were his fault... just like the few times you felt someone's ghostly touch on you. "Well... maybe I had also done a little bit more. But don't dramatise... after all, I have to look after what's mine."

"I was never yours." you say furiously, causing a hostile tension to arise between the two of you.

His presence brings you some relief, despite everything. But you know this feeling too well; you know HIM too well to let him manipulate you so he can use you in his plans again.

"Leave me. Live your life. I doubt anyone would be insane enough to resurrect you a second time." you growl angrily and run past him, hitting his shoulder with yours.

Before you can get away, he grabs your elbow. You hiss in pain, making him automatically let go of you. But he steps closer to you and carefully grabs your wrist, observing the blood seeping from your forearm and the swollen, bruised elbow—the result of your hand being twisted and falling to the ground—and the hard roots of the tree that had somehow broken through the now-red snow.

"You need a healer." he says calmly. He seems worried, as he is trying to stop the bleeding from your wound.

"I can handle it. Let me go." you say firmly. His dark-brown eyes meet yours, and you mentally curse yourself for how they can still charm you.

"Let me help you." he says it with such tenderness that you want to immerse yourself in his sweet words again, to surrender to that attraction that has always been present between you. "You don't have to be alone, moya milaya."

"I'm not alone." you deny quickly. However, you give in partially when the logical part of you allows him to give you a band-aid; this is something you are willing to accept from him.

"Aren't you, Y/N? Don't you feel a the weight of the fate of all Grishas on your beautiful, delicate shoulders? Haven't you misssed me all these single nights? When you were dreaming of my touch, of my voice..."

"And where were you when I really needed you?! When your people were dying on the borders! When innocent people died when they took Ravka! Where the hell were you then?!" you shout at him in anger and move away from him before he can tie a makeshift sling around your arm from the black shawl he untucked from around his neck.

"Making sure that YOU will not kill yourself, while playing a hero." he replies calmly, his gaze unwavering on you as his composure throws you even further off balance.

"If you care about me so much, why didn't you stand by my side? Why didn't you help me save Grishas?"

"You said yourself that you don't need a monster. That you can handle it perfectly well on your own, little Saint. I told you and tried to warn you that you can't do it on your own, and neither can I. But you had to be stubborn. These are your words: 'Let them come.' I did. I let them come. Are you satisfied?"

"You let all these people die to just prove your point?" you ask, shocked. He takes advantage of your momentary lapse in vigilance to bandage your arm and place it in a sling made of his black shawl.

"No. I let all these people die to make you see the truth that you are trying to avoid so hard."

"Which is?"

"Don't pretend, moya milaya. I am a patient man, but we lost enough time. Can you honestly claim that you are against me? That you would choose these fools over me again? That you didn't wish to have an equal again? Someone who will stand by your side no matter what? Someone who will protect you? I can be all of this to you and even more. All you have to do, lapushka, is accept that we are all we need. That you and I was enchanted to unite a long time ago. I want you to see all these things from my side of the story, to understand why I did what I did, and why I intend to continue what I have planned."

He talks so smoothly about death, as if it were nothing. And you would have the right to feel outraged by this fact and hate him again if the smell of the metallic blood of the people who hunted you wasn't in the air. People you killed without blinking an eye.

As he caresses your cheek tenderly and stares at you with affection and an understanding you haven't seen in anyone else's face since his death, you can't help but wonder... if he was actually right when he said that in time his actions would be yours.

He leans closer to you. Your noses brush as he rests his forehead against yours. You shiver, feeling his warm breath on your cheek.

"Aleksander..." you whisper shakily as his scent reaches you, his warmth warming your body, frozen from the cold and the exertion of running away. You feel like you're just realising that he's really here. That he's alive.

And you welcome the familiar tingle of your power inside you that he brings back to life with his amplifier powers as his lips capture yours.

And you wanted to move away. Really. You wanted to remain indifferent towards him and laugh at him for still feeling something for you. Scold him for even hoping that you would just melt back into his touch after what happened between you, how he hurt you, and how obsessive and possessive he was.

But all you do is moan against his lips as you respond to his kiss.

It's not one of those hungry, greedy kisses stolen in moments when you were completely alone and couldn't fight the growing tension between you any longer and just had to release it by consuming each other with your desires.

It's gentle, so much so that you're afraid that the butterfly feeling of his lips on yours will disappear in any moment and you'll find that he never came back, that he was just a sweet, cruel delusion of your exhausted mind.

But the moment he tangles one of his hands in the hair at the back of your head and puts the other on your waist to press you against the tree so gently as to not hurt you accidentally, you know it's real. And you can't stop responding to his kiss or pretending that you don't want to caress his lips with yours just as passionately. Or pretend that the thought of pulling away isn't sinful to you.

You pull away from each other after a long moment. Not far, though. His nose brushes against yours as you breathe heavily, both of you with your eyes closed, drinking in the other's warmth and scent after so many years of fighting with each other and your desires... after so many years of being utterly alone.

Your shaky breaths come out of your mouths in grey clouds and merge together. Only now do you notice how warm he is compared to you.

"Come. You can't stay here." he says, taking off his warm coat with black fur sewn to the hood. He puts it on you and pulls the hood over your head.

"You don't need to..." he interrupts you, picking you up in bridal style. He holds you close to his chest and walks in a direction unknown to you, a clear plan etched on his face as he scans the surroundings for any danger in your path. "Hey! Put me down! I can walk by myself! Besides, I don't want to go anywhere with you!" you protest, struggling in his arms.

"I know, milaya. Rest. I promise I won't do anything you don't want me to. I'm just making sure you will be safe when I'm gone. That's why I'm taking you to Grishas' camp. They will cure you there. Besides, your followers anxiously await your return, my little Saint. You are their only hope now."

"When you gone?" you ask slightly panicked and shift your gaze to him.

The weight of responsibility settles on your shoulders once again as you realise how many lives are counting on you... and the one person you can look to for support is, inconveniently, now something of an enemy to you.

But... can you feel towards your enemy the way you feel for him? Can you kiss an enemy as passionately as you did just a second ago? Can an enemy look at you with such care and adoration?

"Do you wish me to stay with you, lapushka?" he glanced at you briefly, just enough to ask you his question.

A dead silence falls between you. You don't need words to understand each other. And it was something that had always both terrified you and made the bond between you more and more irresistible. He knows the answer to your question. He knows you'll never admit it out loud. Or at least not at this moment.

Despite all this, he still holds you close. He leans down to place a kiss on your temple and whispers in your ear:

"I am... a very patient man, Y/N... I can wait, and I will. You will come to me yourself. And when you did... you wouldn't be able to resist or deny the truth about your feelings for another damn second. I will have you by my side. I can assure you that it will happen sooner than you think or are willing to admit."

You don't argue with him anymore. You just don't have the strength. Instead, you lean against him and fall asleep, wrapped in his scent, his warm coat, and his arms that make you feel safe. You decide to hate yourself later for what you feel right now.

After so many years, months, weeks, and days of fighting for your people and country completely on your own, you could afford the comfort of feeling his arms around you for just another few minutes, couldn't you?

It's been three months since you last saw him.

He left you at Grishas' camp just before the sun rose with a kiss on your forehead and a promise that you would meet again and that you would call for him again. Which you highly doubted. You already despised yourself and him enough to stay away from him... or at least pretend that's what you wanted.

During this months, you managed to save and lose many people—many good soldiers. And although you don't want to admit it, this time it makes you even more aware of the truth that Aleksander was trying to drill into your head before you destroyed the fold.

You wandered around like a child in the fog, trying to keep your morality, set an example for people, and play the role of a Sankta who abhors all evil and darkness. Only he had survived enough to know that morality could only be keept in human conditions—when you didn't have to worry about food, a warm place to sleep, or whether every breath you took wouldn't be your last.

But what really broke you wasn't the constant death, suffering, and screaming around you. It was the news of Alina's death.

It was this terrible emptiness, this feeling of helplessness and loneliness that grew inside you with each day, with each Grishas lost, with each drop of blood that soaked into your kefta.

And then you gave up.

"You won! Do you hear me?! YOU WON!" you screamed in your room at the camp after you returned from another mission to rescue imprisoned Grishas, which ended in the bloodiest of all. Which ended with the death of the last person you cared about. "Just come here… I can't… Aleksander, please. Please, I need you."

In your rage, you throw the bottle of alcohol against the wall and scream, falling to your knees. You wrap your arms tightly around yourself and cry, feeling the dried blood on your clothes.

You have enough. You had enough of this war. You didn't want to see your friends lose their lives. You were fed up with constant wars, fighting, and deaths around you.

You only knew one thing: you couldn't stand this alone. You simply must have had him by your side again Somoeone who will stay by your side and simply just be there for you. Someone who won't require you to save the world all by yourself.

"Aleksander, I beg you... please..." you whisper desperately while holding a pendant with his bone tightly in your hand. Maybe the fact that you never parted with that stupid necklace was a sign of what was inevitably to come.

Your failure. Your ruin.

But still, all you can do is melt into his arms as he comes to you through your bond and embraces you, pulling your shaking body into his lap and as close to him as possible.

"Shhh... it's okay, moya milaya, you are safe." he whispers in your ear as he holds you close to his chest with a hand on you mouth so you can make a sound. "As long as I am here, nothing will happen to you. You are not alone anymore and you never will be again, lapushka."

He strokes your hair and whispers words of comfort. A sweet nothing meant to calm you down. You still can't tell whether he does it out of love or because he needs you in his plans. And the scariest thing was that you didn't care as long as he held you, stayed by your side and didn't let you be alone.

If you were any less grief-stricken, you would wonder about the irony of this situation. The irony of how he foretold your fate. How he fulfilled his promise. How he became your only shelter.

"I will take care of everything. I'm not going anywhere. It is you and me, my Y/N. It's only you and me against them all. And we are all we need anyway. I will take good care of you, solnyshka. No more tears; no more lies and betrayals. Our life together is getting started exactly right now. And I can already promise you it will be an incredible future... moya tsaritsa. Ravka will be ours. We will free our people. We will made all of them pay for what they did to our kind. Grishas will enter their golden age under our rules. Nothing will stop us."

"Just... please come back." you sob into him. He tightened his arms around you and pressed his lips against your temple.

"I'm on my way, lapushka." he whispers, his lips brushing against your ear.

You shiver as the warmth of his arms suddenly disappears, and you're left alone, kneeling on the cold floor. You couldn't afford even the slightest remorse. All you could think about, and all you could wait for, was the moment he would come back here in the flesh.

You realised that loneliness was too dangerous an enemy for you that you (or anyone) were unable to defeat. Aleksander has been patiently waiting for years for you to come to this conclusion. A conclusion he understood the moment you fled the Little Palace with Alina and the crows, just before he could have a proper chance to propose to you.

But this time, he won't make that mistake again. He won't let you go of his grip once you came back to him.

The world needs a monster.

You understood his words the moment you created your own fold. A fold of white, pure light which killed anyone who tried to walk past it.

You saw the fear in everyone's eyes. Even your Grishas, whom you swore to protect. Only Aleksander's dark irises stared at you with admiration. Only he doesn't turn away from you, doesn't show any traces of dread.

Only he was brave enough to walk to you, and after that, he kissed you greedily after you all realised you won. Ravka belonged to Grishas. And the new fold that you create will make sure no one will ever think of attacking your people again.

And now you were standing in front of the mirror in the Little Palace. Your people bravely dismantled what was left of the Grand Palace and worked to rebuild the house of Grishas and expand it.

You were entering a new era. And the flags with the eclipse of the sun that now fluttered on the masts of the palace reminded you of that, as did your black and gold dresses, keftas, and the crown that had recently become an extra burden on your head. Just like two rings on your finger.

"I knew you would look stunning in the crown, moya Sol Koroleva." he whispers, making you shiver at his sudden presence. He wraps his arms around your waist, pressing you against his chest. Shadows circle lazily around you as his dark eyes catch yours in the mirror.

"You could at least pretend you didn't plan this from the beginning."

"I didn't plan it. I didn't want to be king. But when the dynasty kept taking advantage of us, I had no other choice. I had to start planning to take over the throne. Taking on the burden of power to make sure that the Grishas are finally treated as they should be. And then you appeared. My sunshine, my ray of hope, my little saint."

"A candidate for your queen and a means to a desired goal." you finish bitterly, resting your head on his shoulder to rest for a moment from the irritating weight of the crown. Looking in the mirror, you reluctantly admit that he looks handsome, dressing all like a king.

"Don't be so mean, milaya. You know very well that you shattered any evil plans I had for you when those lips of yours enchanted me. You made me feel like I could control it all for the first time in hundreds of years. That my plans will finally come true. We've come a long way, my Y/N, but we both know this is where we were meant to be. Next to each other. Equals. Together at the helm of Ravka. We are the only ones who will ever wield such power and who can stand next to each other forever."

You sigh. He is right. He is all you have. And you both know that you won't let go of each other anytime soon. You hated solitude. You knew yourselves so well that even for a second, consider leaving the only person who could ever stick so long with you. The ones who understood and were willing to share the burden the world put on the arms of the two of you.

So you turn in his arms, place your hand gently on his cheek, and after caressing his skin with your thumb, pull him in for a kiss.

He pulls you closer to him; you both need the other's touch and tenderness, the reassurance that after so many wars, fights, and betrays, you are finally together and that you will rely on each other to build the greatness of Ravka, leading your Grishas into the years of glory.

Not just as king and queen, tsar and tsaritsa. But also husband and wife. Partners. Equalls. Summoner of the sun and shadows united for the good of all your people.

"I love you, moi sol ye tselai. My Y/N." he whispers into the skin of your neck, placing kisses, especially where was the necklace he gave you, which you didn't dare to take off for so many years, afraid that the last connection and the memento you had left of him would disappear as soon as you lost it from your sight.

But behind these great goals was one common need, to which you agreed only for yourself. The need to love and be loved. The need to have a shelter that will last through the eternity that awaits both of you. And you finally had to admit that despite the darkness in your life and the problems and disasters mostly caused by your new husband, you couldn't imagine anyone else next to you.

"I love you, Aleksander. I've always have." you admit as his hands roam over you, caressing you. Shadows surround you, creating a protective bubble as you kiss passionately, forgetting about the rest of the world for a moment and you give in to your deepest desires.

The prospect of loneliness and everything that you went through in your life have effectively killed any sense of guilt or morality inside you. You could have allowed yourself that one selfish act. Especially when being with him in the darkness was such a tempting and blissful experience after years of loneliness.

[she-posts-nerdy-stuff]

Hello! I have not read the shadow and home series, only seen the show and read six of crows (very obvious if you see my account) and I really don't get the whole "is the Darkling is evil or not", because I haven't seen arguments from the pro Darkling side and very few from the anti Darkling side... Can you explain it for me?

Hi! Thanks so much for the ask, I can definitely do my best to explain this for you but I am firmly of the anti-darkling belief so I think the best way for me to go about this is to outline common pro-Darkling points and explain why I disagree with them, and suggest that if you'd like more detail into the pro-Darkling arguments that you look through the tag, or through the pro-darklina tag <3

I just wrote a summary of S&S and R&R to the best detail that I could from memory only to remember that the entire plot summaries are available on the Grishaverse wiki (*screams*). But anyway the summaries were very long so I've cut them and if you want to check the plotlines for more detail you can do that on the wiki the summaries look really good (better than mine lol) but if there are any specific points I mention that you want me to expand on I can just let me know in the replies :)

Nb: this entire post will be spoilers for the Grisha trilogy and probably the entire Grishaverse.

Please be aware that I am going to address the backstories & traumatic experiences of several characters but most specifically Alina, Mal, Genya, and Zoya.

So I believe that the main points in the pro-Darkling argument are that he had noble causes, that he did genuinely love Alina, and that his actions are a product of the suffering he'd been through. However what I also see a lot of, though generally I avoid pro-darkling posts because I don't have any interest in starting an argument with anyone (and btw I'm going to tag this as anti-darkling and anti-darklina, which I always do when I'm talking about him so that anyone who doesn't want to see it can filter it out just as I can do with the pro-darkling and pro-darklina tags if I don't want to see them), is criticisms of Mal as the 'incorrect choice' for the final love interest and a 'bad person'.

So going point by point down these as to why I disagree with them:

"The Darkling has noble causes." -> The Darkling claims that his cause is a safer world for Grisha, and this on its surface is absolutely a noble cause. I would never deny that. The Grisha have been marginalised, abused, and oppressed throughout world history, and at 400+ years old in a pre-industrial revolution/early industrial revolution world the Darkling has seen and been subjected to a great deal of this. It is an undeniably noble goal to want to protect his people and to help them rise up. However, the Darkling can only see it come at the cost of mass death not only caused by the Shadow Fold's construction but the centuries of its presence on the continent, mass death caused by the destruction of Novo Kribirsk, direct and indirect murder of thousands of innocent lives, and the abuse of Alina, Genya, Zoya, David, Nikolai, Mal, and not only more characters we know but countless characters who encountered him during his rise, a compulsory draft for his people in the country where they were supposedly safest, brutally attacking his own mother and leaving her blind in the aftermath, and more. Now I'm not going to talk about the compulsory draft too much because I don't actually know if that was the Darkling's invention or not and I absolutely believe that the infrastructure of Ravka was designed to abuse and manipulate Grisha through nationalism (see Nina Zenik), but I think it's so important to note that after the Civil War massive strides forward are made in the treatment of Grisha in Ravka without any kind of destruction on the levels that the Darkling claimed were necessary. Nikolai disestablishes the compulsory draft but this doesn't stop the Second Army from reforming, or from Ravka sending missions to rescue at risk Grisha. The goal of these missions was still to recruit for the Army, but all individuals were given a choice and those that refused were still offered protection or safe passage. It's by no means a perfected system, but it's a great improvement from a draft that brought Zoya in at nine, Genya in at seven, Nina in so young she has no memory of her life before, and so on, and manipulated them their entire lives.

Before I let the manipulation lead me into my next point, I want to add that I also don't entirely trust a statement of the Darkling's causes being noble in the first place. On it's surface, as I said, a safer world for Grisha is an undeniably noble cause noble cause - but turning the abuse their people suffered against otkazats'ya people is not. I believe liberation that requires oppression is not true liberation. We also see that he willingly kills the Grisha teachers from the Little Palace, despite saying to Alina that he doesn't want to waste more Grisha lives, threatens the children from the Little Palace, attacks Genya for betraying him, and causes mass slaughter of anyone, Grisha or otkazats'ya, who sides with Alina. That doesn't sound like making the world safer for his people. It sounds like a power-hungry dictator using a commonly held ideology to manipulate the populous into supporting him.

That doesn't sound like protecting Grisha. It sounds like killing them.

Back to the manipulation.

This manipulation was not from the institution alone; no, it was very much directly from the Darkling. This brings me into point two - "The Darkling genuinely loved Alina." ->

The Darkling manipulated Zoya, who remember effectively grew up with him because she was brought to the Little Palace at nine after escaping her abusive mother's attempt at forcing her into marriage. Zoya was brought to the Little Palace by her aunt, Liliyana Garin. The Darkling made Zoya feel like she had to rely on him, whilst simultaneously telling her that she was special. The famous quote "You and I are going to change the world" was actually said to Zoya long before it was said to Alina, whom the Darkling used the exact same manipulation tactics against, and it was also used later in Rule of Wolves against Yuri, a monk from the Cult of the Starless Saint, who worship he Darkling as a fallen Saint. The way I read it, this is a very clear writing choice to emphasise that the Darkling does not care about any of the people he speaks these words to; this is the manipulation tactic that he knows, that he is used an unknowable number of times, and that he has had lifetimes to perfect and learn how to use it to his gain. He essentially tied Zoya's self-worth to his opinion of her, and she spent her entire life trying to be good enough for him, trying to impress him, trying to prove herself as worthy of his acclaim, of his attention, and arguably of his protection since he was her protector as a child. After escaping her mother and being brought to safety, Zoya grew up believing that she was lucky to be treated the way the Darkling treated her. In the books it's implied they may have had a sexual relationship, and this was confirmed as part of show canon during season one. Lilyana was later indirectly killed by the Darkling when he destroyed Novo Kribirsk by moving the Fold. Sometimes I'm almost glad she can never know what happened to Zoya, because she loved her and she thought she was protecting her and I think that knowing what the Darkling did to the niece she left in his care, believing that she was saving her, may very well have broken her.

When Alina arrived at the Little Palace, the Darkling discarded Zoya like a toy he'd grown bored of. He manipulated Alina using the exact same tactics that he did Zoya, which of course we see a great deal of first hand throughout the trilogy. During the process of this, Zoya suffers greatly from the process of being tossed aside. The Darkling intentionally sets Alina and Zoya against each other from day one, denying them any chance of camaraderie or realising what was being done to them. The way I read this, this was the pitting of women against each other by a misogynist, not only for the misogynist's gain but also because he actively feared the strength that they would have together. I've spoken about this before but yeah that's how I feel about it, we miss out on what could have been a lot more Zoya & Alina power and just general content because the Darkling purposefully turns them against each other. Alina starts experiencing everything that Zoya did - the Darkling makes her feel important or special on his terms, he makes her want his attention, he makes her feel like her importance is reliant on him, he makes her believe that she is incapable alone and needs him at her side, etc - and since this is all Zoya has known since childhood she doesn't know how to identify the similarities in his treatment of them as abuse but instead believes that he has lost interest in her in favour of Alina because she is more special, she is more important, she is more precious. Zoya has spent her entire life trying to be exactly what the Darkling wanted, and the way he casts her aside is so deeply damaging to Zoya because all those things he did, making her think that she was only special or important or worthy for as long as he said so? She believed them. Her self worth was so utterly destroyed by Alina's mere existence that without understanding it was the Darkling who had done that to her, not Alina, of course she hated her. The two of them overcoming this distance and developing their relationship is probably one of my favourite subplots

David and Genya both suffer at the hands of the Darkling's manipulation as well, though in different ways - and directly I want to talk about Genya but it is still more than worth acknowledging David as well. Genya was found by testers at 7 and presented to the Queen by the Darkling as a gift when she was 11. So super crazy take, I know, but I think there are ways of training someone to be a spy without giving them away into slavery. The Darkling placed Genya in the path of abuse from both the Queen and the King, and it is strongly implied that she told him she was being raped and physically abused and that he manipulated her into believing that her pain was worth something because she was his soldier. Even if she didn't directly tell him, the sexual abuse that the King committed against Genya is not a secret in either of the palaces, and is in fact part of the reason that the Queen physically abuses Genya because she takes out the anger she can't voice against the King on her instead, and the Darkling never did anything to protect her. Even when she tells Alina everything that happened to her, she says that she is his soldier and that this was her role. And after everything that she did for him, for giving her entire life up and enduring years of abuse, the Darkling turns on Genya the moment that she expresses care towards Alina. Genya was simultaneously pulled in two directions: her beauty was what, she believed, caused the King to attack her and subsequently the cause of her pain, but it was also a product of her Tailoring and without it she never would have been worth the Darkling's time. Being so thoroughly manipulated by him, she therefore believed that he beauty was what gave her worth. The Darkling knew exactly what he was doing in taking that away from her, not only the physical pain he caused her, not only the loss of her eye, but the subsequent inability to Tailor her scars and be who she saw herself as before. Genya's scars in the books are described to extend across her entire face and down her neck, down her arms, and along her hands, prompting Jesper in Crooked Kingdom to wonder "what manner of weapon" would be capable of causing them.

"The Darkling is a product of pain and abuse that he suffered throughout his life" -> yeah, absolutely. He wasn't born to be evil and I really enjoyed learning more about his childhood in the prequel graphic novel. But I don't think that excuses mass murder, or abuse, or any of his other actions

"Mal was not Alina's ideal love interest and came across as a bad person" ->

Personally I don't think Mal is a bad person, I think that he made mistakes during the trilogy but that ultimately he begins this story as a seventeen year old child solider; he is afraid for his own life and the lives of his friends, children and young adults make mistakes that older people are more aware of/in tune to or less likely to make, and the world he understood fell from his grip very, very rapidly.

I also know that a lot of people don't like Alina and Mal's ending, particularly with Alina losing her powers. (Brief explanation: Alina fakes her death and they tailor one of the fallen soldiers, Ruby, to look like her so that she and the Darkling can be burned together. Alina no longer has sun powers and Mal is no longer an expert tracker. Together they vanish to live alone in happy obscurity and run an orphanage. One day, the staff of the orphanage see a group of Grisha, including a beautiful Suli Squaller and a Corporalnik missing an eye, bring the woman who runs the place a blue kefta embroidered in gold and see that it makes her cry. They wonder if perhaps she knew a Grisha who died and has been given their kefta in commoration, but that's because they haven't seen the note inside that says "You will always be one of us" (This would be around where I start sobbing) ) Personally I think that this is a brilliant ending, with tragedy and bittersweet beauty sewn right through it. There are many implications through the trilogy that as Alina becomes more powerful she feels the pull and high that power can bring her as dangerously alluring. As she correctly identifies when she fakes her death, the people would have eventually turned on her as a heretic just as they did the Darkling. What I don't think she verbally acknowledged but that I saw as implicit in the text, was that she, like anyone may have done with access to such immense power and such a long lifespan, had the potential to become deserving of that label if she continued down the path. Alina giving up her power shows a distinct and beautiful difference between herself and the Darkling: she knew when to stop.

And she loved Mal. She loved him, and he loved her. So freaking much. Everything Mal does, every single decision he makes - even when they aren't all that smart - is born out of love for Alina. And they are both so very young.

Okay so I think that is pretty much everything I have to say off the top of my head, I hope that this was helpful! I feel like maybe a more nuanced/evenly-weighted explanation was what you were looking for and I'm sorry if this was too heavily weighted against, but people posting in the pro darkling tag will absolutely be able to explain their own arguments better than I can and I don't think I would be able to present them accurately to their opinions because they'd be affected by my own in my writing.

And, again, I am really not looking to start any kind of argument with anyone over this, I'm just explaining my reasons for where I fall and if anyone reading this disagrees then please remember that my opinions don't discredit your own, they are yours and mine are mine :) <33

Thanks for the ask! <3

[stromuprisahat]

Siege and Storm- Chapter 19

Yeah, it's gonna be called The Blight and you'll lose your essence.

This would support the "subconscious" theory of what happened, when Alina claimed the third "amplifier". Merzost works with intent to a point. She received incredible amount of power (possibly "corrupted" by its doubtful provenance). She wanted the Fold gone, but she also didn't want to live as herself and without Malyen, so she destroyed what made her unique- including her amplifiers-, passed it on others (Much power with three amplifiers- many Sun Summoners) to finish her job and Malyen's miraculously revived by a couple of Heartrenders, who weren't able to save an arm days before.

Aleksander's fuck up ended with the Fold, hers with the Blight. He reaps both the blame and the consequences.

Did you think Alina can dehumanize only others?

Wrong!

Alina tries to make someone else feel better, when she has nothing to gain, by herself!

I repeat: Alina acts selflessly out of her own free will (probably for the first time in this book)!

It's the least you can do after everything she's done FOR you...

I don't think David asked about Genya's well-being to judge her, but that's a concept Alina might be too unfamiliar with.

Comfort?! She's attempting to COMFORT him?!

I have a feeling Alina should argue with Malyen more often. It helps her empathy for others.

No wonder Alina's journey ends, where it began, after she achieves virtually nothing... with this attitude...

[perfectmanisperfect]

after reflection on shadow and bone season 2 i am not a hater i am a lover. yeah maybe the book storylines are messy but the show was phenomenal. freddy did so amazing like i could go on for hours. and daisy as genya was everything. the crows my beloved i would do anything for them. seeing wesper on screen yeah i was kicking my feet giggling. i need season 3. we must get them renewed. i’m not even mad about what they did with alina (except for the white hair i’ve been talking about that since season 1 i need it) like i’m not a mal fan so you go girl. this is not saying archie didn’t do a phenomenal job like he had me rooting for mal (never saw that coming) but like imagine what they can do now. i’m a supporter. do whatever you want show i’ll be here. tolya and tamar were perfect and nikolai finally grew on me (the tv version. book nikolai is my favorite character live laugh love KoS duology). yeah i’m just excited for the potential about what can now happen with ice court and alina like i do love her dearly i’ll take more always. the books and the tv show can exist separately and they can both be amazing. GIVE ME SEASON 3. oh my god i can’t even speak on kanej like i was on the edge of my seat i adore them. i do want to say i believe david is not dead they can’t do that so early. i’m holding out hope idc he’s coming back.

i just really love the show and this cast and i don’t want to lose them. there’s no time for being upset there’s only praise for amazing performances and seeing characters i adore brought to life.

[bladeinthedark]

Pairing: Nikolai Lantsov x female!reader Request: hi! could i request a nikolai x heartrender reader where the reader helps comfort/take care of nikolai after he turns back to himself after turning into the monster one night? tysm! <3

Summary: When everything is falling apart around Nikolai, you’re there to support him and bring more peace into his life. Words: 4k Warnings: mentions of blood/injuries, lots of angst

You had been in the King’s service for quite a while. When you had first joined the Second Army as a child, you never imagined to one day find yourself in the King of Ravka’s inner circle, but now you were one of the first to be called to the King if he needed help. 

The help you could offer was mostly connected to the powers gifted to you. Being a heartrender secured lots of different tasks in the King’s service for you, but there was one task given you that was the most important.

Countless times you had sat on the King’s bedside, your fingers moving over his palm as you slowed down his heartbeat. Nikolai’s dishevelled blonde hair was spread over the pillow, his eyes losing focus again and again as he desperately tried to look at you. “It’s alright, moi tsar,” you whispered, your voice reflecting the desperation inside you. It hurt you to see him like this. Over and over again. 

When his eyes closed, his heartbeat slowing to a sleepy rate, you stayed for a bit longer than needed. How many times would you have to do this again?

Today had been a slow day at the palace. Genya had left this morning to head out to a First Army camp, Zoya leaving to take a ship to Kerch for some private business she had. That meant you and Nikolai were basically alone in the palace for a few days. At least when it came to your friends. 

David was still there, but he didn’t like to come out of his workshop anyway, unless Genya made him. 

However, just because your two closest friends were away didn’t mean you didn’t have any work to do. You had a heartrendering lesson to teach today, out on the grounds of the Little Palace, with the teens this time. You didn’t have a preference when it came to teaching different age groups, but all of them had a different way of listening to you and then learning from the moves you made. 

It was a stormy day today and the clouds were dark, heavy with the upcoming rain. You liked to train outside and teach with the fresh air around you. It was a calming atmosphere for a lot of students and for you as well.

Yet your time was cut short. It soon started pouring rain, thunder roaring in the sky and you quickly directed everyone to get back inside the palace. “We will continue the lesson tomorrow,” you assured them. You wanted to teach a new unit and it wasn’t worth it trying to gather everyone in a room again. Until silence would have settled, your time would already be over. 

So you spent the rest of your day going over letters that had been sent to you in your office. You cut them open neatly, read through them and then made two different piles. The one on your left would be for letters that didn’t require a response and the one on your right would be the ones that you had to get back to at some point. The right pile ended up being much higher than the first one.

You dipped your quill into a small bottle of ink, starting to write your letter to a Commander of the First Army. He had requested a few Second Army troops, but you couldn’t give him what he wanted at the moment. 

A knock on the door made you look up from the parchment. “Come in,” you said, but you already knew who it was. You would recognise that heartbeat anywhere. It was the one you so frequently looked for, calming it, gifting this heart a well needed rest. 

“Moi tsar,” you greeted the King when he closed the door behind him. He was wearing his uniform, blond hair slightly dishevelled, a few strands hanging down onto his forehead. He pushed the sleeves of his brown jacket up as he made his way over to you. Your desk was standing by the window, the lightning outside illuminating the scene every now and then. 

“You still call me that every time,” Nikolai chuckled, pulling the chair from your dressing table over to the desk. He sat down opposite of you, a grin on his face. “What is my favourite heartrender working on, huh?” He seemed to be in a good mood. Just a few nights ago you had visited his chambers to free him from his pain again. To free him from the hold the monster had on him even after it visibly disappeared.

Nikolai had become more than just your prince or your king over the years. He had become a good friend, a best friend. You trusted him with your life and he trusted you with his. 

After the monster had settled inside him after that fateful fight, he came to you for help. He knew you couldn’t make it go away, but you could grant him a little peace every time that dark storm raged inside him again. He trusted you, to make this your shared secret and to look after him in some way. This situation made your bond even stronger, unbreakable. Whenever his body ached, his heart dared to burst out of his chest and he was haunted by visions and nightmares, you were there to bring him calm, like the sound of soft ocean waves hitting the shore or the birds singing outside of his window. 

Nikolai wasn’t too sure if what he was feeling in his stomach sometimes, when he looked at you, was only the feeling of relief, someone coming to help him. It felt more like something that reached a lot deeper. 

He had so much admiration for you. Even when his limbs were filled with pain, when his hands felt like they were on fire, shivers sometimes ran through his body whenever you touched him. Your soft fingertips running over his skin left a mark on him no one else could. He wanted to carry that feeling around all day, at all times. 

“Just answering some letters. There have been quite a few letters from the First Army,” you explained to him, but placed the quill down to make sure Nikolai knew he had all your attention.

“And what is my favourite king doing on a stormy day like this?” You asked, a smile on your face. Talking to Nikolai always felt so easy, so natural. There were no secrets between you two.

Except for the yearning deep inside you. The urge to kiss his forehead whenever you helped him fall asleep. The desire to lace your fingers together whenever he put his hand out to you. His pink lips looking so inviting when you came to check up on him in the morning. 

Everything about Nikolai was admirable. His looks, his personality, even the way he carried himself. Yet you felt like giving in to these feelings, your deepest desires, would be a death sentence for your friendship. 

For you, Nikolai was a good friend. For others, he was their king, representing a country that had been divided for centuries. He had more important things to do than form a deeper relationship with a heartrender in his service. There was enough space for you in his life to be a friend, but your love might be too big to fit his chest in times like these.

You could still dream about it at night though. Every now and then.

“I’m your favourite king? I didn’t know there was another one,” he chuckled and then picked one of the grapes from your fruit bowl. You always kept something to eat around when you were working on your desk.

“I started to-” he said with a full mouth, but then paused to speak clearly again. “I started going over some documents as well. Was really boring though, so I’m here now to check up on you.”

Nikolai did complain about his work load sometimes, but you knew that he would do even more if he had to. He would do anything for this country and make it a peaceful, balanced place again after all the chaos it had to endure over the years. The Darkling’s terror was over, as was the horrible irresponsibly of his father. The young king was here to put things right again. 

“Well, I’m glad you’re keeping me company. The palace is a lot more quiet when Genya and Zoya are gone, don’t you think?” You leaned back in your chair, crossing your legs while Nikolai continued to eat some of the grapes. 

“Yeah, it is. I don’t see David getting dragged around as much as usual.”

You let out a chuckle at his answer, crossing your arms in front of your chest. “He needs to get out of the workshop sometimes, you know that.”

“I do, I do,” the blonde man insisted, eventually playing with the letters you had deemed as unimportant. “So, will you join me for dinner tonight?”

Dinner? You didn’t know when you had dinner alone, just the two of you, for the last time.

“Just us. Won’t even drag David out of the workshop.”

A tingling sensation spread in your stomach. A dinner for just the two of you sounded almost too good to be true. But it was surely a thing between friends. Catching up on recent work, enjoying a day inside since the weather was so horrible…

“I would love to,” you agreed eventually, nodding reassuringly.

A grin spread over Nikolai’s face and his eyes lit up. Not only due to the lightning that basked your room in light again. 

“Then I will see you at the usual time, my favourite heartrender.”

Then he was gone, leaving you with a fast beating heart and the urge to count down the seconds until dinner. 

Dinner with Nikolai never came.

You sat in the dining hall at the long table, in your usual spot, right next to the King’s seat at the head of the table. The rain was still splattering against the window rapidly, the candles on the table were reflecting their light onto the polished plates in front of you. 

Your hands fumbled with the sleeves of your red kefta, a sigh leaving your lips. 

The white and golden walls of the room were starting to make you feel trapped in this room. Guards were standing outside, but the room itself, it was empty, except for you. 

The eerie silence was only interrupted by the pitter-patter of the rain and the thunder roaring outside. Your gaze travelled over portraits and expensive furniture, over all the gold and glamour you were surrounded with.

Anything to distract you from the pressure in your chest.

Did Nikolai just forget about your meeting? No, he wasn’t someone to do that.

Did he deem something else as more important? Maybe, but he would have told you. He would have sent someone to inform you about any changes in his schedule, especially if there was something planned with you.

Did something happen to him? 

The thought alone sent a wave of nausea through you. Your fingers tapped against the polished table, feeling continuously nervous. You couldn’t just sit around here all night. 

You pushed back the chair and then stormed towards the large double doors that led back into the hallway of the palace. 

“Miss-”

It was probably one of the guards wanting to stop you from leaving. He probably had some kind of excuse on his lips why you should stay, but you knew that something must have happened if Nikolai didn’t appear at the promised time. 

Too much time had already passed. He could be dead by now. And you had been sitting around, waiting for the food to be served. 

When you turned the corner, wanting to head straight to Nikolai’s office to look if he was there, David came rushing towards you. His hair was even more dishevelled than usual, sweat was pooling on his forehead and he was out of breath by the time he reached you. 

“Where is Nikolai?” 

It was all you said. He must know. 

“He’s in his chambers. I was about to call you for-” 

You didn’t need another explanation. Without waiting a second longer, you left David standing in the hallway and your feet took you to Nikolai’s chambers as fast as you could. The walls around you seemed to be spinning by the time you arrived in the other wing of the palace, standing in front of the king’s chambers. 

“Saints,” you breathed out, already being able to hear Nikolai’s rapid heartbeat. 

You slipped into his room, locking the door behind you. 

Nikolai was sitting on the edge of the bed, blood running down his temple, claws still present on his hands. He was shirtless, his chest filled with bruises and scratches. 

Your heart almost stopped. You didn’t like to see him in pain. Then there was the overwhelming urge to take it from him, to tend to his wounds somehow, even if you weren’t a healer. 

“Nikolai,” you breathed out and he turned to look at you. He seemed to look right past you for a moment, until his eyes seemed to fill with tears. “My favourite heartrender,” he croaked, lifting his arm to reach out to you.

In a few big steps, you were by the bed, in front of him. 

You knew he had turned into the monster again. He had probably fought with an animal, maybe losing himself between tree branches again, their sharp ends poking through his skin. Your hands found his and he visibly tensed up again. 

“The claw-” he started, but you were quick to interrupt him. 

“I don’t care, Nikolai. I don’t care,” you whispered, voice breaking as tears welled up in your eyes as well. All this pain for a young man with already too much weight on his shoulders.

For a moment, you closed your eyes, focusing on his heart rate once more. As you had done so many times before. His heartbeat was a familiar sound in your ear, a sound following to your dreams as if it was pounding exactly like yours. 

Nikolai relaxed, his heart slowing down once more and his breathing regulating again as well. 

“It’s alright,” you whispered and kneeled down in front of him. His claws slowly disappeared and you watched him close his eyes for a moment. His jaw unclenched and a single tear ran down his cheek, but you were quick to wipe it away.

“Everything’s alright,” you reassured him, slowly getting back onto your feet and grabbing a towel from the nearby dressing table. With precision, you wiped the blood off his temple, before sitting down next to him on the bed. 

Nikolai didn’t look at you for what seemed like an eternity. His gaze was fixed on his hands as if they were displaying a horror he had never seen before. His breathing stayed the same but you could feel his heartbeat slowly rising once more. Your hand found its way onto his back, trying to keep him calm, using your powers to assist that goal. 

The lightning outside lit up the room again. You could see more blood stains on Nikolai’s arms and his chest. His blonde hair was darker from dirt gathered in it. A sign of his journey, of the fate he was haunted by. 

The monster would always be a part of him.

And comforting him would always be your priority.

“Want me to run you a bath?” You asked softly, fingers gliding over his bare back. Under different circumstances, you would have used the time to enjoy the view in front of you. Seeing his bare skin, his hard chest and wondering what it would feel like to let your lips meet his soft skin.

But this was far from any of the scenarios you wished for in your head.

A nod from your king. 

You left him in his bed for a moment as you prepared the bathtub in the adjacent bathroom. You also got some fresh towels ready as well as some thin pants for Nikolai to sleep in, together with his night robe. 

By the time everything was prepared, Nikolai was standing in the door already. He seemed a bit more collected now. “I need that bath,” he mumbled and started opening his pants. You turned around, staring at the wall in front of you with burning cheeks. 

When you heard Nikolai settle in the bathtub, you dared to turn around again. The bubbles and foam were covering enough so you could only make out parts of the man’s chest. It still didn’t stop your own heartbeat from rising. Tending to his wounds was usually less intimate than watching him lean back in the bathtub, arms resting on either side of it. 

“I will wait in the bedroom,” you assured him, but you were just by the door as his voice sounded through the room again. 

“Stay here.”

You turned around to face him and there was a desperation in his eyes you hadn’t seen before. They seemed to be pleading with you to stay, to not leave him alone. 

“I will.”

His expression relaxed once more and then he reached out for you. Your legs felt weak as you made your way closer to the tub, eventually letting your hands meet. His fingers intertwined with yours easily, as if they belonged into that position. Your eyes met again and the pain in them was gone. It had made space for something else – adoration. 

His hazel eyes closed for another moment and when he opened them again, tears were dwelling on the edges, but a smile was on visible on his lips. “Thank you for doing this. For… all of this,” he whispered, his voice almost being drowned out by the sound of the rain outside. 

You slowly knelt down to bring yourself to about the same height as Nikolai in the bathtub. Your other hand went to cover his as you kept it in a strong hold. You could feel the pulse in his arms, the loud beating of his heart and you knew that he was enjoying this moment just as much as you were. It just raised the question inside of you where all of this would go eventually. Would you be able to confess your feelings for the King? For someone you had sworn to protect and serve, but had found a good friend in instead? 

His hand let go of yours and for a moment, you felt disappointment sink into your stomach. But Nikolai’s hand soon found the back of your neck, warmth spreading there and goosebumps making their way to every part of your body. You held your breath for a second as you felt a slight pressure on your neck. Nikolai moved you just a bit closer as he leaned forward as well. You were able to feel his breath on your lips, a shiver running down your back. You were so close – close enough to kiss. 

“Can I?” His voice was barely more than a whisper. 

The words were stuck in your throat, so all you did was nod, too afraid to destroy the moment and the silence between you. 

Then his lips were on yours, light as a feather, but it seemed to shake you to your core. It felt wonderful, almost like flying, and as if a heavy weight was finally taken from your shoulder. The heat in your cheeks was rising, your hand finding its way into Nikolai’s blonde hair, slightly wet from the bath. 

The pressure on your neck increased, so you moved forward a bit, enough to make it easier for the kiss to become deeper, more passionate. Kissing someone had never felt this good and when your hands cupped Nikolai’s cheeks, you could practically hear his heartbeat jumping. His hand stayed in your neck, a sign that he didn’t want this to end. Maybe ever. 

Only when you had to breathe again, did you dare to pull away. His eyes were darker, filled with a tint of lust, but more importantly, his breathing had changed. It was faster, like his heartbeat. “You don’t know how many times I had wanted to do this.” 

His confession was unexpected, but very welcome. “Me too.” It was just fair that he knew your feelings as well. For a moment, you regretted not saying something, or doing something, sooner, so you could have enjoyed this a lot earlier. But everything was perfect the way it was. 

Slowly, with wobbly legs, you stood up again, but your eyes never left Nikolai’s as you walked over and grabbed a bathrobe and towels for him. “As much as I like kissing you, I think you need to wash all the blood off and get into your bed. Then maybe, you can get another kiss?”

A grin appeared on the King’s face at your words. It was filled with love, adoration and most importantly, he seemed happy. His shoulders didn’t look as tense anymore and the horror in his face had left, traces of the monster inside him fully retreated. 

“Then I must get to bed immediately,” he agreed and as he slowly lifted himself out of the tub, you turned around to give him his privacy. 

You watched the lightning outside, seeing the branches of the trees shaking in the wind. It was a beautiful sight, but you shivered at the thought of Nikolai being out there earlier, flying through the storm, coming back with wounds and blood all over him. 

Arms wrapped around your waist, Nikolai’s head resting on your shoulder as he pulled you closer against him from behind. The bathrobe felt soft against you, but his breath at your cheek was enough to make your legs feel weak as well. A kiss was planted onto your cheek and you could feel Nikolai’s heartbeat slowing down more and more. He was relaxing, finally getting some emotional rest. But you would have to get him to bed as well, so he can let his body regenerate. 

“Let’s go to bed,” you whispered, before turning around in his arms. Hands found their way to your hips as you looked at the man in front of you. The smile was still apparent on his lips, the same excitement and love in his eyes as before. “I can’t even say no to you when you say it like that,” he smiled, taking your hand again as he walked back into his bedroom, eventually getting into bed himself. 

You sat down on the edge again, taking his hand into your own and moving two fingers up and down on his arm. “Are you going to make me sleep again?” His voice was soft and you would have thought it might indicate that he did not want to sleep yet, but his tired eyes, now struggling to stay open, spoke another story. 

“If you want me to,” you answered, not forcing anything upon him. When the beast didn’t let go of his heart, making it race over and over, and he wasn’t able to calm down, then you did force him to sleep once or twice. But Nikolai seemed alright now, not in need of heartrending-induced sleeping. 

“I do. But only after you’ve given me a kiss,” he demanded, sitting up a bit in bed again as he leant forward to you. A smile on his lips, he pursed his lips, expecting a kiss from you. 

You were certainly not going to deny him that. 

Leaning forward, your lips met again, the same intoxicating feeling making its way through your body. Your hands cupped his warm cheeks, smiling into the kiss as you fully enjoyed the goosebumps, the shivers, all the sensations this was giving you. Nikolai’s lips felt like heaven, there was no doubt about it. 

When you pulled away again, his cheeks had turned a darker colour, but he let himself drop into the pillow with a satisfied smile. 

“Goodnight, my favourite heartrender,” he whispered, smile on his lips as he closed his eyes.

You couldn’t hold back your own smile and the content feeling in your stomach become even more apparent. 

“Goodnight, Nikolai.”

You sat there for another moment. You would always keep him safe.

[rose-sophia-isabella-rogers]

A Steel That Went Through Hottest Fire: Chapter XXI - Putting Down Roots

Chapter Summary: A sort of epilogue. Presenting how your and your loved ones' lives look few years after the war. Did you get your happy ending? Or maybe rather a happy beginning?

Pairing: Aleksander Kirigan/Reader, Zoya Nazyalensky/Nikolai Lantsov, Fedyor Kaminsky/Ivan, Genya Safin/David Kostyk

Characters: Aleksander Kirigan, Reader, Nikolai Lantsov, Genya Safin, Baghra, Ivan, Fedyor Kaminsky, Zoya Nazyalensky, David Kostyk

Word Count: 3915

A/N: Smut alert! If you don't like it or are underage, please, don't read from "'No, I've waited long enough,' he says and enters the bedroom with you." to basically the end of this scene. Enjoy! zyoma maya olya – moon of my life eya fyela chi – I love you

Tag list (let me know if you want to be added or removed):

@budugu

@intothesoul

@mizelophsun11

@pansexualwitchwhoneedstherapy

@zeeader

@marrymonrich

@wonderland2425

@chelseyyouraverageluigi

@thehufflepuffavenger1

@drinix

You sprint past the corridors of the Little Palace. People usually gasp when you suddenly show up.

'Out of my way!' you shout. 'Careful, coming through! Excuse me! Sorry! Move!'

Most of them quickly jump aside, used to it. It's not the first time they see you racing with time. Some even shake their heads, amused.

Finally, you reach the doors to Aleksander's chambers and open them with a flourish. You stop in the threshold, panting. The owner of the room raises his eyebrows, not moving an inch from his spot by his table.

'Well,' he says, glancing at his watch, 'cutting it close today. A few more minutes and I would go to drag you here myself.'

'This time it's the Queen's fault,' you say, rolling your eyes, and walk to join him. 'I swear, once she finally gives birth, I'm going to visit Nina and Matthias.'

'Can I come with you?' General asks, amused.

'Naturally,' you answer and kiss his cheek in greeting. 'I wasn't planning to go without you.'

You sigh and fall on your chair. The Darkling raises his eyebrows yet again.

'What?' you ask.

'You missed,' he answers. You look at him with confusion. He taps his lips with his finger. You roll your eyes but stand up. You lean down and join your lips. You both sigh and groan quietly. Even after all those years, kissing your husband gives you the same thrill as it did when your relationship began. Same goes with calling him your 'husband'.

'Much better,' Aleksander says, satisfied, when you pull away. You shake your head and sit back down. Kirigan pours you both teas.

'How was your day?' you ask.

'Tedious, as always,' he answers. 'Keeping Novyi Zem and Kerch from killing each other is becoming bothersome. The only reason they're not doing it is thanks to our Crows.'

'Bless their souls, even though they helped to bring you down during civil war,' you say. Your husband nods in agreement.

'You will have to show up tomorrow,' he continues. 'Nikolai has a mission for you.'

You wince. Just what you need.

'You know I hate those meetings,' you groan.

'You're the peace advisor, it's your duty,' the Darkling reminds you. 'The only reason you don't have to be on every one, is because you've been bolting them anyway, because you had new ideas your Durast mind had to test out at once.'

You narrow your eyes at him. He simply smiles and drinks a sip from his cup. He frowns instantly and looks at you with disbelief.

'Did you make my tea grow cold?' he asks.

'You know better than to annoy me,' you answer innocently and drink your perfectly warm tea. You sigh with content.

'I see your trainings with Zoya are going well,' Aleksander says.

'Yes, but I preferred them when she wasn't pregnant,' you say. 'Her hormones exhaust us both. I'm seriously wondering whether she's going to kill Nikolai one day.'

'No, he has a survival instinct,' Kirigan denies, shaking his head. 'The moment the hormones take over, he runs for safety.'

'And leaves me alone with her,' you add grimly. General pats your hand.

'Your sacrifice is noted and appreciated,' he says. You scoff but move your hand to squeeze his. Comfortable silence falls between you two.

'How are things between you and Baghra?' you ask at some point. Your husband shrugs.

'Better, but we still don't trust each other completely,' he answers. 'Which is not fair, because she seems to absolutely adore you. Especially when you scold me.'

'What can I say?' you ask with a grin. 'I've always been her favourite. And don't complain. I'm yours, too.'

'That you are,' the Darkling agrees, smirking at you. His gaze roams over your body. You shiver.

'Tease,' you say. 'I know very well we can't indulge now. You promised to visit young Grisha.'

'Yes, but while I'm away, I can give you something to think about,' he says, slowly standing up. You freeze with wide eyes.

'Aleksander Kirigan, don't you dare,' you warn him. But he stands in front of you and puts hands on the armrests, caging you.

'Or what, [Y/N] Kirigan?' he asks, already kissing your neck. You smile when he calls you that, as usual since you've taken his surname.

'Or I… I… I…' you try to say, but it's very hard to concentrate when he kisses you like that. He chuckles and joins your lips in a passionate, heated kiss. You moan and press yourself to him, wanting more. Needing him.

But he pulls away. You pout. He chuckles quietly.

'I hate you,' you murmur.

'We both know you love me,' he says, winking at you. He sits back down, as if nothing happened, and returns to drinking his tea with that mischievous smirk of his.

'I hope you realise I'm going to take my revenge later,' you say flatly, frustrated beyond measure.

'Oh, I'm counting on it,' he chuckles. You glare at him.

'I promise you, you're going to change your mind,' you say. Aleksander's smile drops when he sees the look in your eyes. He's actually a bit afraid now.

'Still, I can't wait,' he says, trying to regain his composure. You just hum and drink your tea. He can see in your eyes that your vicious mind is already plotting. He gulps. Now he's gone and done it. He's in trouble, he's sure of that.

*

When hours later Kirigan walks into your shared chambers, he's surprised to see the chambers covered in darkness. He walks tentatively into the room.

'Milaya?' he calls. He gets no answer. He looks into your bedroom but he doesn't find you there. He enters the bathroom… and freezes.

You're in the bathtub. The only source of light is the moonlight coming from the windows. Your body is almost completely in the water. Only your head, neck, collarbone, tips of your breasts and that taunting leg, that's hanging on the edge, are sticking out.

General gulps. Oh, he's in trouble now. He can see that. Even more when you lazily turn your head to him and smirk.

'Hi, honey,' you greet him. 'Do you want to join me?'

Instead of answering, the Darkling hastily undresses himself. He doesn't mind how it makes you laugh. He loves your laughter, so he's happy to hear it, even if you're laughing at him.

'Have I known this would greet me when I come back, I'd have tried to do it sooner,' he murmurs, hurrying to you.

'Well, it was your idea to leave me hot and bothered for a long time,' you point out, slowly raising, showing him more of your skin. He licks his lips.

'So, how are you going to take your revenge?' he asks, watching you straddling him.

'Well, I thought about it,' you start. 'And I decided it's not fun when you're expecting it. So, I'm going to take my revenge another day.'

'That's cruel,' Aleksander hums, kissing your chest, his hands on your hips. 'Now I'll be always anxious, wondering when you will strike.'

'Exactly my point,' you say, grinning, proud of yourself. Kirigan chuckles.

'Do you want to start here or wait for when we're in bed?' he asks huskily.

'Hm, that's a very good question,' you hum and start massaging him. He groans and closes his eyes. He throws his head back.

'Milaya…' he moans.

'Saints, you're really tense,' you say, frowning. 'Looks like you're getting a massage now and the good part will take place in bed.'

'Yes, please,' he grunts and grabs you tighter when you attempt to get up. 'But stay where you are.'

'That is not exactly a good position to give a massage,' you protest, raising your eyebrows. The Darkling opens his eyes and grins.

'But I have a better view,' he explains. You huff and roll your eyes. You shake your head and do your best to give him a massage while on his lap. Which turns out to be a torture because of his groans, moans and hands wandering on your body. Soon you're both hot and bothered.

'So, how about we wash quickly and move to bed?' you suggest some time later.

'Fine by me,' your husband answers, staring at you with lust. You quickly get off of him and you both clean each other. While brushing bodies occasionally, obviously. Finally, you get out, dry yourselves and…

'Aleksander!' you squeak, when he suddenly picks you up, not letting you dress yourself. 'Put me down!'

'No, I've waited long enough,' he says and enters the bedroom with you. There, he gently lays you on the bed. Immediately, he starts kissing every inch of your body he can. He hums, satisfied, when he reaches your womanhood.

'Already wet for me,' he purrs. 'Such a good girl.'

'Hello, I can see you're hard for me,' you huff. He looks up at you and you shiver from the dark look he gives you.

'Only for you,' he declares seriously, causing you to blush. Then, he starts preparing you for him. You gasp and moan, throwing your head back, when his fingers and tongue work magic on your private parts.

'Don't stop!' you gasp, clutching the sheets tightly. He doesn't. He keeps his ministrations until he has you ready for him, drenched in sweat and your wetness. He pulls away and looms over you.

'You're so beautiful,' he murmurs, gently caressing your body. 'My gorgeous wife. I still can't believe I get to call you that.'

'Feel as if only yesterday I was confessing my love to you, huh?' you ask.

'I've been such a fool, denying my feelings for you for so long,' Kirigan says and kisses you gently. 'But now… now I can scream them as many times as I want.'

You smile at him and cup his cheek. He nuzzles into it and presses his lips to your palm.

'Are you going to get inside me or not?' you ask after a moment. He barks a laugh and slowly slides himself into you. You both moan softly.

'Ready, milaya?' he asks after a moment. You nod and he starts moving. Slowly, at first. But he speeds up with time. He wants to hear you screaming as well. His name. How good he makes you feel. He wants everyone within reach to know you're his and he's yours.

'More!' you moan. 'Harder!'

The Darkling takes your legs and puts them on his shoulders. This allows him to thrust deeper into you. He's sure your hips are going to be bruised from how hard he's gripping you. Well, just more to your collection.

'Oh, yes!' you gasp, tangling your hands in his hair. You pull and he groans. He connects your lips and you make out passionately. You move your head and kiss his neck. He grunts when you bite him softly.

'You do realise I have a meeting with a Shu-Han ambassador tomorrow?' he asks, more amused than annoyed.

'I see how she's looking at you, why do you think I did that?' you ask and kiss the spot. 'She must understand you're taken.'

'Maybe you should kiss me in front of her,' he teases you. 'Like you did during that party years ago.'

'Don't tempt me,' you murmur and join your lips again. It's messier now. Your breathing is fast and laboured. You're both close, you can feel it. You moan and move your hips to match his thrusts. He groans and goes even faster.

'I'm gonna…' you pant a moment later.

'Together,' your husband says through greeted teeth. 'One… two… three! [Y/N]!'

'Aleksander!' you cry out, as you both reach your peak. You arch your back and smile, enjoying the feeling of Kirigan filling you up. You deflate after a minute or two, or more.

'Do you want to go again?' the Darkling asks, looking up at you. You laugh and kiss him. Something tells you it's going to be a long night.

*

Nikolai is taking a walk among the gardens of the Grand Palace. His mind is elsewhere, though. He doesn't even really notice when Kirigan joins him. For a long moment they stroll together in a comfortable silence.

'Congratulations,' Aleksander finally speaks up. 'You have an heir. The line of succession is secured.'

'Yes,' Lantsov mumbles, still in shock. 'I have a daughter. I'm a father. Saints. How did that happen?'

'I imagine you and Zoya-' General starts, amused. The King quickly elbows him to the side with a huff. The Darkling laughs.

'Remind me, why do I keep you around?' Nikolai sighs.

'Because I'm keeping your country safe,' the Shadow Summoner answers. They both stop. Lantsov looks ahead, in the direction of the city.

'It still feels strange,' he says after a beat. 'Our country at peace. Not in a war with anyone. I keep expecting it to explode in our faces.'

'It won't,' Aleksander assures him. 'We've made sure of that. Ravka is strong.'

'And it's a safe place for Grisha,' the King adds, looking at General. 'Like you've always wanted.'

'Yes,' Kirigan confirms, smiling. 'At long last.'

'And we're no longer poor. That's nice as well. I hated being dependant of other countries' good will.'

'You mean Kerch's good will.'

'Yes. Speaking of other countries… are you ready for yet another meeting with them?'

'Do I need to be there? It's your child.'

'Yes, but you're the Second's Army's general… and my friend. I need you there.'

'… Very well. But know I shall hate every moment of it.'

'You think I won't? All those fake smiles, congratulations, blessings… I know it's Zoya's revenge for making her go through birth.'

'That sounds like her.'

They turn around and head back to the Grand Palace. They both smile when they see near the entrance a small gathering consisting of you, David, Baghra and Genya. All of you are smiling. Even Baghra has a shadow of it on her face.

'Does she feel happy and safe?' Nikolai asks, looking at you.

'Yes,' Aleksander confirms, feeling warmth in his heart. 'Thank you.'

'Hey, you did all the hard work,' Lantsov insists. 'I just helped out. I mean, I couldn't really help it. You two have been melting my heart with your love practically since day one. I know you were too busy staring at [Y/N], but I actually cried on your wedding.'

'[Y/N] cried on yours,' Kirigan says. The King looks at him, intrigued.

'And you?' he teases. General chuckles.

'Maybe a little,' he admits. 'It was a beautiful ceremony. And it felt good to see Zoya so happy. And I was right. She's a marvellous queen.'

'Oh, I know,' Nikolai says with a stupid grin. 'I love seeing her showing everyone that there's no messing with her nor with Ravka.'

'I especially enjoy when they cower with fear, seeing her eyes changing to one's of a dragon,' the Darkling says and chuckles. 'After one of such meetings, [Y/N] asked me, troubled, if her eyes turn to the eyes of a bee's whenever she's angry.'

'I've never noticed,' Lantsov says and ponders. 'Do they?'

'They don't for some reason. Thankfully. I imagine she would lock herself in her chambers again if they were.'

'Small mercies.'

They stop. They know they have to join your group and go to accept the congratulations from the delegations of other countries. But neither of them wants to do that just yet.

'So, when can I expect little Kirigans running around?' the King asks, smirking.

'I don't know,' Aleksander answers wistfully. 'We're not rushing. It will come with time. Or maybe not at all. I think we're good with both.'

You finally notice them and smile. You start heading their way.

'How is it Zoya rarely smiles when she sees me and [Y/N] always smiles whenever she sees you?' Nikolai asks.

'She always does,' Kirigan denies. 'You're just not looking then.'

Lantsov stares at him, surprised. He opens his mouth to say something, but just then you join them.

'Everyone is ready,' you inform them. 'We're waiting just for you.'

'We know and we're trying to prolong the moment of going there,' the King explains. You roll your eyes.

'Now you know why I'm always late to the meetings,' you say.

'Can't say I blame you,' Nikolai admits and sighs. 'Shall we?'

'Give us a moment, will you?' the Darkling asks, his eyes focused only on your face.

'Which means you will be joining us in ten minutes,' Lantsov says and shrugs. 'Fine by me. Hah, take even half an hour. I won't mind. Not at all.'

He walks away and joins others. You and your husband stare at each other with smiles.

'Hi,' you say.

'Hey,' General says, grinning. He caresses your cheek. You lean into his touch.

'Moi sol ye tselai,' he murmurs, moving so his lips are above yours. You can't help but smile.

'Zyoma maya olya,' you say. His smile widens. He cups your face and kisses you softly.

'Eya fyela chi,' he says.

'Eya fyela chi,' you reply. He puts his arms around you and hugs you. You smile and breathe in his scent. Safe and sound. Loved. Not alone. You finally have what you've longed for your whole life.

*

Baghra stirs her tea, waiting. She knows he will come late, as usual. But there will be a smile on his face. A smile she hasn't seen since Luda. She chastised him for his love for her, then. She was foolish, she knows that now. His loneliness drove him to do the unspeakable things. But maybe it was meant to be. Otherwise, he wouldn't have met you. And she knows you're the one that's supposed to be with him. Forever.

There's a knock on the door. The old woman stops the smile forming on her face. Less late than usual, but still late.

'Come in,' she invites him. The door opens and Aleksander walks in. His cheeks are rosy, but she doubts it's from the cold, and there's a smile on his face, like she's expected.

'Forgive me, mother,' he says, taking off his cloak. 'I-'

'Was busy kissing your wife, I know,' she interrupts him and raises her eyebrows. 'Or doing something more with her.'

'Not this time,' he laughs and sits opposite to her. This time she can't hide her smile. He looks at her, puzzled.

'What is it?' he asks. She scoffs. Is it that surprising to see her smiling? Hm. Maybe it is.

'Nothing,' she quickly says. Her son raises his eyebrows. He crosses his legs and arms.

'I know very well it's not,' he says. 'So? Spill it.'

'How commanding,' she says, rolling her eyes. 'You know you're not the Black General here, but my son.'

'You keep reminding me that,' he says flatly. She bites her cheek. Wrong. She's trying to mend their relationship, they both are. But her defence mechanism is working, trying to protect herself, even from her own son. And he always puts his armour on then, also trying to keep himself from getting hurt.

'It's good to see you happy,' she finally manages to say. He blinks, honestly surprised.

'I am,' he says carefully. 'And I have no nefarious plans.'

'I know that you don't,' Baghra says. '[Y/N] is making sure of that. She really is all that matters to you. I'm… sorry I ever thought otherwise.'

'You had every reason not to trust my intentions,' Aleksander says after a pause. 'Even though I've wanted your trust. Wanted you to be proud of me.'

'I am now,' she says, looking him in the eyes. 'Truly.'

He stares at her for a moment. Something blossoms in his heart. Hope? Maybe it's not too late for them yet?

'Thank you,' he says. They talk and drink tea for some time since then. The moment is gone, they're back to guarding themselves, but they're more friendly toward one another. Small steps.

Finally, he puts his cloak back on and leaves his mother's hut. She still refuses to live in the Little Palace. Maybe once their relationship is better? Who knows.

Aleksander walks toward the Little Palace. Grisha who pass him salute him, bow their heads or even smile at him. A few now don't trust him. To others he has proven himself. He's also more open now, more cheerful, so he's not that fearsome anymore. Well, they're still afraid of him, of course, he's still powerful after all, but they're no longer awfully tense around him.

'General! General!' a little girl shouts, rushing to him with her friends. 'Will you play with us today?'

'I'm afraid I don't have time, Clara,' he chuckles. 'How about tomorrow at this hour?'

'Okay!' the little Grisha answers cheerfully and looks at him hopefully. 'Will you bring Lady [Y/N] with you?'

'I'll do my best to convince her to come,' he answers, winking. The girls squeal and run away. They stop a few feet ahead, turn and wave at him. He waves back and watches them joining other Grisha children. He shakes his head fondly and gets inside the Little Palace.

'General!' he hears a moment later behind him. He turns and sees Fedyor approaching him.

'What is it?' Kirigan asks. Kaminsky catches up to him.

'Are you going to dinner today?' he asks.

'I might as well,' the Darkling sighs. '[Y/N] said she has some project she wants to finish, so she may be late. Why?'

'I just wanted to warn you,' the Heartrender explains. 'Zoya said she may drop by.'

'Ah, good to know,' the Shadow Summoner says and nods. 'Thank you, Fedyor.'

'No problem,' Kaminsky says with a smile and goes on his way. Kirigan goes to his chambers and gets to work.

A few hours later he goes to the dining hall. He frowns, as he gets closer. Usually, he can already hear Grisha chatting. But now it's suspiciously silent. He cautiously opens the door.

He stops dead in his tracks. In the middle of the room, there is a giant birthday cake. Every Grisha is standing behind it, Nikolai and some officials as well. But his eyes are on you, standing a bit to the right to the cake (Ivan, obviously, close by). You smile.

'Happy birthday, Aleksander,' you say. 'Come here and make a wish.'

Suddenly, everything strange from today makes sense. How his mother has insisted he comes and visits her. How earlier you stopped him from getting in here, distracting him with kisses and sweet words. A surprise party. Just for him.

'You didn't have to,' he says, touched, as he walks to the cake.

'Shut up and blow out the candles, so I could have cake,' Zoya says. General chuckles and stops in front of the desert. He stares at it for a moment. Then, he closes his eyes and blows out the candles. Everyone cheers and the cake is quickly cut into pieces.

'Thank you, lapushka,' he says, when you walk to him. 'Truly.'

'Of course,' you say. 'You're not going to tell me your wish, are you?'

'No,' the Darkling says, pulling you to himself. He kisses the top of your head with a smile and looks around the room, at the happy faces, at his friends, thinking about his wish.

Please, let me, and people I care about, continue to be this happy.

A/N: Thank you so much for reading this story! Thank you for every comment, likes and reblogs, and I hope you will let me know what you think of this end. Because this is the finale of the story of Aleksander and his Durast Girl. I really hope you enjoyed it. As to what's next, I have some ideas, but I'm not sure when I will post something new with this pair. Thank you and I hope to see you again!

This story can also be found on Archive of Our Own: https://archiveofourown.org/works/52696933/chapters/135806941

[depressedbagpipe]

A Heartrender's Fire: ch. IV

Tolya Yul-Bataar x Lantsov!ofc

Words: 5205 Warnings: vasily lantsov, misogyny (mentioned), someone gets a hit to the head a couple of times, anxiety? i guess, david, netflix's poor pacing choices (what even is neshyenyer), made up ravkan A/N: and off we go! why on earth are these chapters so long like wtf am i writing💀 anyways, i think i suck at writing slowburn? or romance in general

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IV: Every Monstrous Thing

“Why must you always play the diplomat, Nikolai?” Vasily spoke with disgust in his voice. “Grisha dining beside true Ravkan soldiers is a bit much for all our stomachs.”

“Wow, Vasily, I almost forgot how annoying your voice is,” Irina rolled her eyes.

“Really? I could never forget how stupidly insufferable you still are, dear sister,” he counter-attacked.

“Shut it, you two,” their Queen mother commanded lowly, smiling again for her fellow court members. 

The lines on her face were a lot more prominent after Genya’s departure, and Irina almost frowned at the sight of her mother, looking old and frail. She had always known the constant alterations were only physical, but the Queen of Ravka had always made sure nobody would see her look anything other than perfect. 

“We are all Ravkan here,” Alina spoke after a few seconds of silence, also wanting to defend herself against the heir to the throne. 

The Sun Summoner sat next to Irina at the end of the table, the odd one out in the picture-perfect royal family. Nikolai and Irina had changed into proper garments as soon as they had arrived at the Spinning Wheel per their mother’s request, and seeing each other dressed in something other than their usual attire at sea was beyond baffling. It had been too long, and although both of them automatically knew how to behave as princes, Irina particularly felt she was playing a character. 

“Doesn’t need to be us versus them,” Nikolai added, looking for conciliation.

“General Kirigan should’ve thought of that before he tried to murder my father and stage a coup,” he looked at the King, whose poor wealth was becoming more apparent with every passing second. 

Nikolai and Irina shared a glance at their older brother’s words, never missing the double meaning Vasily always added when he spoke of his birthright. The King was leaning on his chair, barely touching his food, with his gaze lost somewhere in front of him. Irina almost felt bad for the man, yet he had barely shown any interest or affection in either of his lesser kids when they still lived in Os Alta. Deep down, he knew too. 

“That said, absent their Darkling, the Grisha are rather easy to manage.”

“By ‘manage,’ do you mean ‘execute,’ moi tsarevich?” Alina asked with a fierce smile. 

Irina repressed a smile, glad she had yet another person supporting her hatred for her older brother sitting next to her at the table. 

“That fate is reserved for traitors to the Crown, Miss Starkov.”

“If the Second Army requires a leader loyal to the Crown to assure their fealty, then I will lead them.”

Irina gripped her goblet, suddenly interested in the dark and luxurious wine that she had been unwillingly drinking for the past hour. She certainly preferred the cheapest options in beverages, because those belonged at sea with Sturmhond and Ainthe. 

Vasily laughed audibly, looking at their mother before turning again to face the Sun Summoner. “Why should I believe you have any loyalty to my family?”

Irina was already taking a big gulp of her drink when Nikolai stood up, his loud voice taking up the entire chapel they were having dinner at. 

“Today marks the start of a new era of cooperation between Lantsovs and the Grisha,” silence filled the room as they stared at the second son, wondering. “I’m delighted to announce my engagement to Alina Starkov, the Sun Summoner and new leader of the Second Army. Together, we will build a better future for Ravka,” he concluded.

Irina quickly surveyed the room. All Grisha cheered, edged on by the twins presiding the table to the left. The rest of the court and soldiers weren’t as buoyant. They shared worried looks, some of them shaking their heads in disbelief, others frowning deeply, staring at the King and Vasily for guidance they wouldn’t ever get. Irina tried to remain impassive, showing no emotion. Princesses didn’t get to care about politics, according to her mother. That was only reserved for the King. 

Nikolai sat down, yet his hand shook a little, drops spilling off his own goblet as he put it back down on the table.

“That was a bit much,” Alina commented, hiding behind her goblet. Her eyes were fixed on Mal, whose head had dropped in defeat. 

“Understatement is overrated.”

Vasily didn’t take long to leave, either. His chair made a profound squeaking noise against the marble as he pushed his chair away, his meal forgotten. 

“Thank Saints he’s gone,” Irina smiled, taking a big bite of her meal with a happy smirk, more animated than she had been since she had stepped foot into the dining room.

“Are you sure about this, Sobachka?” the Queen spoke to her son, her daughter forgotten. As usual. “I understand the political alignment, but is this what’s best for your long-term positioning?”

“This is what’s best for me and for Ravka, Madraya. Your other son is working hard to send this country into civil war. I aim to stand in his way,” Nikolai responded. 

His mother sighed. “It’s best I’d better plan some sort of official celebration.”

“Now’s not the time for parties.”

“Back straight, shoulders back, elbows down. Smile,” Irina whispered to Alina, trying to fix the Sun Summoner’s posture. “If you’re about to become a princess, you need to start behaving like one.”

“You know I don’t plan on that,” she frowned, yet she followed the princess’s orders. Her attempt was almost comical with how she had been sitting before Irina’s comment, but she had to give it to Alina. It wasn’t easy pretending to be graceful and poised when all you would rather do was run free in the wild.

“I know. But they don’t,” Irina discreetly motioned to the people before them, soldiers from their royal guard, court members, and Grisha alike, staring at her with newfound expressions. “As long as you play the part, they’ll follow you.” She took another glance at her mother. “You want to be in her favor, too, at least for now.”

Both girls looked at the blonde woman, who, at the same time, was already setting the details for whatever celebration she wanted to throw in honor of her youngest son’s engagement. 

“I’ll have my seamstress run you up something appropriate.”

Alina only smiled at her, taking another gulp. 

Irina wanted to laugh, or cry, or both. When had life become so complicated? 

–·–

“Sometimes I wonder,” Irina took a breath. “What would have happened if I had come clean since the start? Would Ravka be any different? A Grisha princess… maybe we wouldn’t be here now.”

Irina looked around, making sure to speak in hushed voices. Nikolai walked beside her, occasionally smiling at the many refugees that littered the Spinning Wheel. Tolya trailed after them, always vigilant, no doubt listening to their conversation, yet Irina didn’t mind. Tolya could always have access to the deepest parts of her soul, and she’d gladly allow him in every time. Nikolai had ordered Tamar to guard Alina while she remained under the Crown’s protection, knowing even in his own house she wouldn’t always be safe. Tolya, instead, guarded the siblings, becoming a safe shadow in every corner. Even though Irina hated having a bodyguard, she was glad it was Tolya trailing after her. She wouldn’t have felt safer had it been someone else.

“You know pretty damn well what would’ve happened, Irina. You would’ve become yet another pawn on Kirigan’s plan.”

“Would I?”

“Just think. The leader of the Second Army, betrothed to the princess of Ravka. It would only take him five seconds to get rid of his competition and sit himself on the throne.”

The girl frowned, stopping dead in her trail. “Is there any scenario where I don’t become a bargaining chip?”

Nikolai grimaced but didn’t need to say further. They both knew what the future for a princess always held, no matter the circumstances. 

Her brother looked at her, almost pleading. “You would’ve left eventually, Irina. I know that. I know you. You were never meant to spend your days locked away in a palace.”

“Neither were you.” She jokingly punched his arm, eliciting a smirk from the prince.

“That’s why we have Vasily for,” Nikolai laughed. 

“Thankfully.”

Nikolai smiled at two Summoners who bowed as they walked by them, and Irina stared after them longingly. Many Etherealki still wore their blue keftas, even though most of them rejected General Kirigan’s old status quo. Irina could understand them, anyway, wanting to at least feel like they had a place to belong. Wearing their keftas was the only thing tying most of them to their past –a past that had yet to be tarnished by civil wars. 

“You know, blue doesn’t suit you,” Nikolai commented, quickly piecing the puzzle together after seeing what her sister had been staring at.

“Gold doesn’t either.”

Her golden apparel mirrored her brother’s. Both of them the vivid images of the golden Ravka. Even if there wasn’t anything left of it. 

“I’d much rather see you in red.”

Irina and Nikolai had hidden their jackets, erasing any trace of Ainthe and Sturmhond. Nobody but them, save for the Heartrender twins and now Alina and Mal knew of their identities. Irina knew the day of the reveal was coming closer at a fast rate, but she wanted to hold on longer to her fiery red garment, a gift Sturmhond had gotten her after she joined his crew. It was only fit that his second-in-command would wear clothes worthy of a ship captain –especially if said captain could summon fire with just a thought. 

Irina smiled a pained smirk. “You and me both.”

“When all of this is over, we’ll go back home. To the Volkvolny. To sea.”

The princess shook her head. “What about Alina?”

“What about her?”

She raised an eyebrow. “You like her.”

“And she likes Mal.”

“Besides,” she insisted. “We both know things are about to change forever. Doesn’t matter how much we want to go back, maybe we never will.”

They both frowned at the reality they had desperately tried not to think about. They both felt it deep in their souls –there was no turning back from this.

“Moi tsarevich!” 

Both siblings turned their heads at the sight of Mal running after them, his eyes wild and angry. Tolya stood straighter despite Mal having proven over and over only to be loyal to his Saint. 

“What’s wrong?” Nikolai asked, frowning. 

“You better come see this.”

–·–

“David.”

Alina’s murderous glance was enough to make Irina shiver. Hers wasn’t the look of a powerful Grisha; hers were the eyes of utter betrayal. She arrived shortly with Tamar and Nadia, the Squaller that had welcomed her at the Spinning Wheel. Nikolai’s petite commitée had gathered at the same war room they had improvised the day before, only this time, David Kostyk, trusted Fabrikator back at the Darkling’s Little Palace, was pathetically standing by the center of the room, with both hands separated to prevent him from using the Small Science. 

David awkwardly waved at the mention of his name, his eyes perking up slightly after seeing Alina.

“Oh, so you do know him,” Nikolai groaned, walking forward to stand next to Alina, which only angered Mal more. “He claims to have escaped from a very alive General Kirigan.”

If the situation wasn’t dire enough, Irina would have laughed. David was tall, yet Tolya, taller and bigger, seemed to loom over him completely. The princess was aware of the many separations the Grisha bore back at the Little Palace, yet she couldn’t understand how the Fabrikator before her could hold such power to attract the Darkling. Yet, she was one to talk. She had practically hidden herself away since she was born only to not give away her own strength. After Alina, the Stag, and the Sea Whip, Irina Lantsov was starting to believe anything could be possible.

“He gave himself up without a struggle. We found this on him,” Nikolai gave the crumpled diary to Alina. “He says it’s one of Morozova’s journals.” He turned back to David, speaking in a louder, boastful voice. “I, for one, am dying to know more, but he insisted he speak with you.”

“Alina,” David tried, yet Tolya’s firm hand on his chest prevented David from walking any further. The Heartrender didn’t even look at him, yet David recoiled, defeated, ready to fight his case.

Irina felt almost ashamed at how Tolya’s action had her warm up. He sat casually on the railing, almost bored, knowing he could take down the Fabrikator before the slimmer man even thought about it, should it be necessary. Irina was having a really hard time not to smile. She knew the Heartrender could be deadly, yet he barely chose violence if he could help it. But his appearance told otherwise, and that was enough for any enemy to think twice before attacking the half-Shu. 

“I know I wronged you,” David began. “Please believe I regret my role in that deeply. I know you have reason to distrust me, but I have no loyalty to General Kirigan.”

“He survived the Volcra?” Alina asked.

“I’m afraid so. He also knows that you survived and that you’re in East Ravka.”

Mal intervened. “Tell us where he is.”

“No, no, no,” David shook his head. “Mm-mm, that would be a very bad idea–”

“You can’t expect us to trust you unless you’re willing to share information,” Alina pressed on. 

Tolya readjusted on his seat, noticing the tension rise in the room. He discreetly looked at his sister, standing a little too close to Nadia. He saw Nikolai, standing in between Alina and Mal. And he stared at Irina, standing by herself, with squinted eyes and trembling hands. 

“Confronting him would be suicide.” David sighed again, looking at every single person before finally giving in. “Kirigan used merzost to create something in the Fold. Creatures that do his bidding, the size of two men.” It was comical the way David moved his hands, trying to get his point across. “Formed of pure shadow. They have no breath to take, no heart to stop, no blood to drain. Yet they live.”

Irina felt her own heartbeat pick up at the thought of such monsters. She had only very recently come to terms with the fact that a living Saint was standing and breathing next to her, and now these creatures were freely roaming her homeland. That was a lot for the young princess to take. 

“They live and they kill. They are nichevo’ya. Nothing. Bullets, blades, fire, all simply pass through. And they walk freely in sunlight.”

Everybody looked at David in silence, wrapping their heads around his words. Irina tried to share a look with her brother, as they usually did in every meeting back at the Volkvolny, but the blond prince was looking at Alina. The sudden lack of fraternal comfort only came with another wave of nervousness. The room suddenly seemed darker, colder, and heavier, and the many candles that surrounded the group weren’t enough for Irina’s mind. Despite the light that came from the skylight at the dome of the chapel, darkness seemed to creep around them at its mere mention.

David finished his deadly blow. “I fear that merzost may be the only way to kill them.”

“So how did you manage to get away?” Mal fired the question everybody was dying to know.

David’s face paled even more, looking Alina straight in the eye. “Genya.”

Even Nikolai and Irina perked up at the mention of their mother’s Tailor. Although Irina hadn’t seen much of her, due to their mother keeping her hidden away for her personal use, she could imagine the hatred she had harbored for her family for years. It made sense that she had worked alongside the Darkling to bring the Royal Family down, and even though Irina wasn’t a fan of them either, save for her older brother, she couldn’t help but feel the twinge of betrayal in her chest. 

This time, Nikolai looked at his sister, yet Irina had her gaze lost somewhere in the darkness in front of her, already spiraling into a thousand different thoughts. It didn’t take a genius to recognize the pure terror on the princess’ face.

“We tried to escape together, but… the nichevo’ya. She sacrificed herself to get me out. I don’t know if she survived.”

Tolya then spoke, with one hand discreetly placed before him. “A smart spy will always play the victim.”

Irina didn’t have time to wonder what her friend was doing, for she immediately felt her heart slow. She looked down, unconsciously allowing the contactless source to apply pressure on her chest, effectively breaking her pattern of thoughts as the blood in her system flowed slow and steady, instead of the erratic speed it had just previously harbored.

Breathe. She felt his words inside her skull, almost enough to lull her to sleep. Her eyes unfocused for a second before the girl turned her attention back to the Fabrikator, still feeling the pressure in her chest, only the anxiety had seemed to evaporate with one last breath. Although she hated it when either of the twins used their power on her like that, unprompted and abruptly, she was now grateful that Tolya had seen her despair before it could get worse.

“No, no,” David shook his head. 

“You make a valid point, Tolya,” Nikolai picked Tolya up. “As leader of the Second Army, this is your call,” he looked at Alina, who looked back at Nadia.

“You’ve known David the longest. What do you think?”

The Squaller had not stopped looking at David, but she still responded in a whisper. “Kirigan always kept him very close.”

“Take him to a holding cell,” Alina declared, looking at Tolya, whose hand was still aimed at his princess.

The giant nodded, slowly breaking the connection with Irina with a small nod in her direction, and quickly walked away with David, taking all of the tension with them.

–·–

Irina found Tolya a while later right by the small fountain inside the chapel. The dome stood directly above him, showering the room in light, which the Heartrender used to read his poetry. Some of the Grisha around him eyed him warily, almost afraid, and once again, Irina had to laugh. He wasn’t the deadliest person in the room.

She smirked, seeing as he hadn’t heard her coming yet. She tried blending in with the background as much as she could, sneaking up behind him and scaring him as she forcefully gripped his arms. The girl laughed at the little jump the giant did, congratulating herself on scaring the scariest man in the room. Good-natured Tolya didn’t have the heart to tell Irina that he could recognize her presence anywhere, even before she came into the opening.

“Thank you for earlier,” Irina said as she sat down next to him, fixing her attire after taking a big gulp of air to calm down. 

Tolya smiled at her. “Anytime. I thought you were going to faint any minute.”

“Yeah, me too.”

“Wanna talk about it?”

Irina thought about it for a second but decided against it. “I’d much rather forget all about it for now. What are you reading?” Although she knew Tolya would eventually ask again, she sighed in relief when she saw him pick his book up again, and open it up.

“Selected poems from Negu Kir-Tizur,” he leaned on the fountain, lowering his arms so Irina could see the poems better.

She frowned. “They’re in Shu.”

“You forget I am half-Shu,” he softly hit her with the book in her head, earning another giggle from her.

“I can’t read Shu, you dumbass” she laughed.

“Oh, I’m sorry, moi tsarevicha, I forgot to speak the language of the Saints,” he mocked her, feeling desperate all of a sudden to hear her laugh once again.

That’s exactly what he got. “Hey, that’s not fair!” she giggled again. “You know I always ask you to teach me and then you never do!”

“It’d take years! I don’t think you’d ever understand the complicated themes of the Shu verse,” he continued his teasing, which Irina adored.

“And why is that?” she crossed her arms, trying not to smile.

“You don’t have the patience for that.”

Irina was about to fight him, but she knew he was right. “Well.”

It was Tolya’s turn to laugh. The melodic sound was carried through the dome with its marble columns, and for a second, Irina thought about how that memory would always haunt her in her mind. How, for a few moments, she wasn’t the princess of a dying nation, but a normal girl, talking to the boy she was desperately trying not to like.

“But… I can translate it for you?” Tolya offered, his fingers skimming through the paper, looking for the one poem he knew his companion would like.

“Please,” Irina smiled innocently, using the book as an excuse to not stare into his eyes.

But their moment didn’t last long, because Malyen Oretsev always seemed to have the most perfect importunate timing.

“I was skimming this again for leads on the Firebird, then I remembered a legend about a sword from Shu Han.” Mal had taken it upon himself to read over and over the Istorii Sankt’ya. He claimed it was only to find another way to help Alina, but Irina knew Mal was looking for a way out in it.

Tolya resumed on turning pages of his poetry book, not yet ready to burst the little bubble Irina and he had accidentally summoned for themselves.

“Neshyenyer. The Relentless Blade.”

“You know of it?”

He shrugged. “Of course I do. It’s a folktale. The Fabrikator Kho created an unkillable army made of cogs and bone–”

“Until the Fabrikator Neyar forged Neshyenyer,” Mal finished for him. He showed Tolya and Irina the paintings in the book, reading the words. “‘When Neyar fought, her blade flashed so brightly that people watching swore she had lightning in her hands.’ A blade so sharp it could cut shadow.”

Tolya chuckled. “It’s a bedtime story. My culture has the best myths.”

Irina slapped him across the head, much in the same way he had done earlier with her, only harder. He could take it.

“Ouch.”

“The Sea Whip was a myth,” said Mal with a smirk at their interaction. “So was the Stag. And they were real. She killed an unkillable army. This could be the weapon we need against Kirigan’s monsters. And this book… says it’s in a temple in Ahmrat Jen.”

“No, I doubt that. The one on display is widely rumored to be fake.”

But that didn’t let Mal down. “Okay, how do we find the real one?”

“Who has the money and means to acquire valuable weapons?”

Mal looked at Irina, but she quickly raised her hands in innocence.

“Wrong sibling.”

–·–

“The blade in Ahmrat Jen is indeed a replica,” Nikolai sighed. He hadn’t left the improvised war room at all, and the exhaustion was evident in his voice. “And the original was stolen long ago. I suspect it’s never left Shu Han. If it turned up in the wider black market, Sturmhond would’ve heard about it.”

“This could be the only weapon able to kill Kirigan’s shadow creatures. We need to find it.”

“It’s a valuable old sword, sure. That doesn’t mean the story behind it is true.”

“Any chance is better than no chance,” Mal argued.

Nikolai grinned. “That’s a very Sturmhond thing to say. Were he here, he would surely commend you.”

“It’s a little bit unsettling how you talk about him like he’s someone else.”

“Get used to it,” Irina commented.

“And he would suggest that our mutual friends in Ketterdam might be the perfect crew for the job.”

“You’re really gonna trust the Crows with this?” 

Irina trailed after him, right after they finished their meeting with Tolya and Mal. The giant had volunteered to find it, and rapidly Nikolai had issued a request for a Squaller to join him.

“Not just the Crows. I trust Tolya,” he said as he stepped into his room, turning around to face his sister as she closed the door behind her. “And I trust you.”

Irina froze. “Me?”

“You.”

“You’re sending me away for this?”

Nikolai could argue all he wanted about how he just wanted his best people to get the sword, but Irina knew better.

“Yeah. If anything the Durast said is true, I don’t want you anywhere near Ravka while the Darkling is still alive.”

“That’s not fair. You need every loyal person right here.”

“Irina.”

“Nikolai.”

“I do trust you and Tolya to get the sword. He’ll need an Inferni to cross the Fold, that’s where you come in. And even if this little mission didn’t succeed, I’d still feel better knowing you’re not within the Darkling’s range.”

She shook her head. “Do you think I feel any better knowing I’m leaving you here alone?”

“I’m not alone! I have the Sun Summoner!” He walked to his closet, pulled an army pack from it, and handed it to his sister. “Everything you need is already here. Including your coat.”

She stared at her brother for a few seconds before taking the bag from his hand. “You’re awfully prepared.”

“I always am.”

“Was this your plan since the beginning?”

He shrugged. “I have my own bag, too.”

She shook her head. “And what do I do? Am I supposed to be Irina or Ainthe?”

“Whatever feels right to you.”

“That’s not an answer.”

“You’ll know when the moment comes.”

“Nikolai.”

“Irina, do whatever you want. I’m not letting you live in my shadow forever. This is your time to make your own decisions.”

“I want to stay.”

“Except that one,” he tried to smile but failed. He stood before his sister, staring at her as if trying to remember the sight of her. “Look, I don’t know what’s going to happen here, but it doesn’t look good. Should anything happen to me or Vasily, you’ll know what to do. But please, just do me this one favor and step away, at least until we can defeat those shadow creatures. Please.”

It wasn’t like Nikolai Lantsov to beg. Irina knew right then just how much she meant to her brother. He was willing to send her away on a permanent vacation just so she wouldn’t have to face the horrors that roamed freely in Ravka. 

You do what you have to do to protect the people you love. But how do I protect you?

But before Irina could ask, Nikolai was already shoving her out of his room.

“Get ready, you leave at three bells.”

The door was closed after her, leaving a confused and quite afraid young girl in an empty hall of the Spinning Wheel.

Almost automatically, Irina simply followed his instructions, changing into her old pirate’s clothes and keeping her mind as empty as possible. She didn’t have time to cry. It wasn’t the first time the girl left on a mission for a few days without her brother, but for some reason, she knew things would be much different once she came back.

Her red coat felt like a second skin on her, and for a split second, she grinned. The blood in her veins and the coat in her arms would always be something she shared with Nikolai. 

It didn’t take her long to walk back onto the main entrance, where her small party was waiting, together with Mal and Tamar..

“If anyone can find Neshyenyer, I suspect it’s them,” Mal agreed. “Thick as thieves, those Crows. Clever too. Managed to cross the Fold on some sort of fortified train.”

“Last time I was in Ketterdam, I didn’t get to stop at the Kooperom for an omelet,” Tolya commented out loud.

Tamar groaned. “Oh, so that’s why you volunteered. Without me, who’ll stop you from following your stomach off the edge of a cliff?”

“That’d be me.” Irina stepped into the light, joining their conversation. 

Tolya almost broke his neck at the sound of her voice, smiling a wide grin as he got his pistol ready. Tamar’s eyes twinkled at the prospect of her best friend and her brother on a mission together, and she would’ve made another smart remark at that had Zoya Nazyalensky not interrupted them.

“I thought we were leaving at three bells?”

Irina had yet to share a word with the Squaller, but her stiff posture and annoyed voice almost made her roll her eyes. She did recoil at the sight of the princess, but she still looked at Tolya with a questioning glance.

“Tolya’s trying to cram his entire poetry library into his pack,” Tamar smiled at his brother as he gave him his last book, which didn’t fit.

Zoya frowned, disgusted. “Poetry?”

Tolya began. “Long may the night whose dark–”

“No,” Zoya cut him off, making Tamar giggle and Tolya frown. “There’ll be none of that.”

Mal patted him on the back and whispered to the remaining party. “Bring back Neshyenyer for Alina, alright?”

“We will, don’t worry,” Irina said, taking the book from Tolya’s hand and shoving it into her backpack, not missing the appreciative grin the giant sent her way.

The three of them followed Zoya, who had already opened the door to the outside and was walking down the stairs.

“That was from Rabinov’s Cantos. A definitive work.”

Tamar trailed after them. “Yeah, now let’s go over the snacks you’ll bring back from Shu Han…”

“Guys? A word?” Nikolai suddenly called as they were about to exit.

The four of them stood at the entrance, looking at each other with fondness in their hearts.

“Take care of each other. I know I don’t have to worry about you two out there together, but be careful.” 

Tolya nodded, with a solemn expression. “I’ll protect her with my life.”

Irina scoffed. “Don’t be dramatic.”

“Good.” Nikolai shook Tolya’s hand decisively, before bringing him closer for a quick hug.

“Your brother’s an idiot.” Irina looked at Tamar, who had watched the interaction with a smirk.

“I know.” She smiled. “Be careful, okay?” Tamar tightly hugged her friend, rubbing her back. “And don’t let Tolya eat all of Shu-Han’s sweets. He’s got to bring some back for me.”

Once they parted, Irina looked again at Nikolai. Whatever emotion wanted to escape through her eyes was quickly repressed, if only for a few seconds until her brother couldn’t see her anymore.

“Say goodbye to Madraya for me?” she offered a weak smile. 

Nikolai nodded. “Try not to set anything on fire,” he joked, before crashing into her body and embracing his little sister tightly. “Stay safe.”

“You too,” she whispered as she closed her eyes, her heart cracking slightly at the finality of their words.

“Alright, c’mon, group hug,” Nikolai joked again, and Irina laughed loudly when she felt two pairs of arms embracing them, basking in their warmth for a few seconds before they parted once again. “Come back to us.”

“We will.”

Next chapter

[goblins-riddles-or-frocks]

So I finished the trilogy and woahhh it was... well it was not what I'd expected lol. My thoughts are a little messy and jumbled so I can't put them into words rn and I can't decide how to feel about alina's ending.

But yeah the whole "Like sure, he put a fucking collar on her but she’s His and it’s Not Supposed To Be Like This." pretty much explains his thought process. What was it supposed to be like in his head? Wonder what would've happened if Alina had been an obedient little pet sun summoner and done everything just the way he wanted it. Would he have grown tired of her after sometime? Or if at any point in the books alina would've reciprocated his advances how would he have reacted? Also, just what exactly does he even want? Like if he'd gotten his perfect sun queen and ruled ravka would that be enough for him? Idk he's a weird little guy and I think nothing would satisfy him. Also sorry for yapping around in your askbox lol I read these books because of your takes so I didn't know who else to share my thoughts with 😅

Re: this ask Oh yeah. Yeah... the ending is bad lol. In some ways I can understand what LB was going for? But the end result feels wildly regressive for Alina as written. It's a real shame!

FWIW she said this about it in a Q&A: "In Ruin and Rising, Alina embraces her role as a Saint when she must, faces a dictator who she knows possesses greater power than she does, learns to rely on people to help buttress her own strength, murders her best friend because she knows the sacrifice is required.

What does Alina do after she loses her power? Brings down the most powerful Grisha in the world using her intelligence, courage, and the teachings of a woman who was her mentor and friend. Secures a pardon for Genya. Determines the future of the Second Army by selecting the Triumvirate (Zoya, David, and Genya) and getting Nikolai to put them in power.

And as for ending up where she began, Alina chooses to rebuild Keramzin and make it a place of love and learning where every child can be raised to be a valued citizen of the new Ravka, and where every child has a say in his or her destiny—Grisha or not. In other words, she gives orphans and refugees, the unwanted and disadvantaged, the opportunities she never had.

For me, these are not the actions of a girl who does not know her own worth. That's how I see the story, and that's why I wrote it that way."

And like... I get it... but... that isn't the narrative framing that actually exists in the series. It's not really a story that's about her being told that her only value is in her power and therefore her having to lose her power to see her own worth being the logical conclusion? And even in a scenario like that, I think you'd need to spend longer with her having lost her power and having to adapt without it, rather than it just being the conclusion of her story. The series sets up Alina's power as something intrinsic to her that she's been suppressing to be with fucking Mal, who textually doesn't appreciate her. Her growing into herself is explicitly tied to her embracing her power-- something the Darkling tries to wrest from her. Meanwhile the story continues to build up a conflict where it becomes increasingly clear that she cannot be with Mal if she continues to have her power (because she'll be more important than him lmao) so... the conclusion is that she loses her power and settles into obscurity... and again explicitly this is the only way she can be with him? Infuriating! I think Bardugo tries to frame Alina changing her name and going to live in the countryside as like a positive exiting of the narrative, being released from the burden of it. But the way the story is built just doesn't support that! Anyway, re: the Darkling, I agree that he would never have been satisfied with any outcome. He's had centuries since the creation of the Shadow Fold to build up the idea of the Sun Summoner as the cosmic answer to every one of his problems. As someone who exists specifically to fill the gaping hole in his withered husk of a heart lmao. And those just aren't expectations that any real, living person could ever live up to. Anyway, eye personally do not think he would have grown tired of her, for the same above reasons. The accumulated obsession is just way too intense and has basically nothing to do with her. So in a way, nothing she could do would kill it. As far as reciprocation. I mean I think he would've always gone gloves off with her at some point. The plan was always to use the amplifiers to control her. Even if she hadn't run away, at some point she would have refused to help him do mass murder, and he would've treated her the same way. Frankly, her running away was such a small mutiny, that itself tells you how little he's willing to compromise or give her any space. She hadn't acted against him, she was afraid and with good reason! It would've been so easy to just... tell her that Baghra was lying lmao. Just be nice and smooth things over! But he's fucking incapable. And I think reciprocation would've gone the same way. Like, in the first book she literally offers to work with him if he doesn't kill Mal. Which... would literally just give him a hostage to hold over her head forever. Like it was a good bargain for him. But he couldn't, because he cannot bear a situation where she gets to dictate the terms at all! He'd always want to make sure he has complete and utter control. I've speculated a couple times about "And then what?" scenarios about him winning though

[dreamlandcreations]

Turning point

vampire!Aleksander Morozova x Reader (A Discovery of Witches AU)

Summary: You are the brightest student he ever met and after he reveals his true nature he can't refuse your request to make you his to let you take part in the experiments for a cure...

Warnings: I have only seen a few episodes of DoW, mention of death, blood drinking, height difference, age difference, idk?, reader basically offering up to be a lab rat but not really, another idea for another series, soooo basically a teaser... and angst (how did this teasing almost fluffy idea get so f–cking angsty?!?!)

He didn't know what he was expecting from the handful of students he just revealed to the truth about the existence of his kind. It's not like he had much to lose, as Genya so politely put it. They were running out of time and despite David's undeniably genius approach and progress so far, it wasn't enough.

Aleksander was carefully inspecting the faces of the students. At first, most of them thought they were joking but after the realisation hit and they started to accept what he was saying, only a few of them were still afraid, but most of them turned into knowledge-seeking academics with hundreds of questions. By the end, everyone has been swept away into learning more about them. Everyone, except you.

That hint of amusement hadn't left your expression since he uttered the word vampire. It didn't take Aleksander long to realise that you already knew.

After living such a long life as he has, not much could surprise him anymore. So it always baffled him when you did just that, no matter how many times it happened before, with the first occasion being the moment you met. However, he was never as perplexed as of now, looking at you with countless questions of his own while he did his best to answer the other students.

With the session finally coming to an end, you approached him and started to speak for the first time today.

"You know you need more samples." It was not an observation but an offer, maybe even a request and your cool tone makes his control snap in a second.

"You knew." He practically growls the accusation and the sound sends a chill along your spine but a gasp later you continue to defy and taunt him, never one to back down.

"Yes?" The answer, with the mockingly raised eyebrow, sounds more like a question, a 'so what?' of sorts and it breaks down another wall in his carefully crafted walls.

Aleksander moves quicker than your eyes could process, standing an inch away from you, grabbing the back of your neck and forcing you to look up at him.

It's a warning but despite your racing heart, you are not afraid.

"What do you think you'll get by this?"

"Time."

He scoffs and lets you go, turning away, trying to collect his thoughts and control his emotions while his instincts are clawing at him to do what you asked. Time. One of the things he still can't get used to is how little you need words to make him understand your meaning, like there's already a bond between you that would enable you to read the other's thoughts.

Time. Time with your beloved books and with him. He remembers your first real conversation, right after you questioned everything and argued at every point during his first class that semester.

You stumbled into him in the library with an absurdly big pile of books and somehow that led to a conversation with a moment still engraved in his mind as he felt the same claws tempting him to make you his that were threatening to tear him apart now.

He asked if you planned to read all that today and after confirmation, he remarked that it would be a long night spent in the library and you should take some time to rest. To which you replied that life is too short and if you had your way you wouldn't waste time on sleep when there's so much to do and even more to learn. The irony of that is you spent all those hours talking to him instead and when he playfully apologized to rob you of your time that you meant to use more usefully, you answered without hesitation that you couldn't have found a better use for it.

The yearning you felt for each other was undeniable from that moment but he would never act on it. His reason always won, until now.

"We'll take samples now and after. You can't deny the value of a new subject like that."

Your clinical approach was driving him mad. Like you didn't listen to him explaining to the students mere minutes ago how many have failed to be turned lately.

"No!" He growled again, at the edge of losing all control.

At your annoyed wordless exclaim, he turned back. His anger gone, tears forming in his dark eyes as he pleads you silently to stop asking for this.

"I will not risk it." It... killing you.

The unsaid words making you sigh in defeat. Or so he thought.

"I'm dying anyway."

The painful truth of your fragile humanity never hurt him more and that makes his last reserve crumble as you ask again, this time clearly stating your wish.

"Turn me."

He is facing you again, reaching out to cradle your face in his palm while he deals with the pain this fight and the though of losing you caused him. You lean into his touch, closing your eyes as he rests his forehead against yours.

"You could turn out to be infected with blood rage too"

It's not an attempt to change your mind, merely making sure you know what you are facing.

"It could prove to be valuable either way." For a second your comment makes him angry again but this time you are the one to grab him before he could pull away to lecture you. "And you would be there to help me."

After calming down, you prepare for the change. Taking all the tests and samples takes almost an entire day and you are exhausted by the end of it but you refuse to let Aleksander stall even for a few hours of sleep.

Once you are done with everything he takes you to his home and you stand in his bedroom, nervous as hell, praying to whoever is listening to let this work.

When he approaches you finally kiss for the first time and it's more than you could ever imagine. It's impossibly hard to refuse to let passion overtake you but you somehow find the strength to pull away. He gently lay you down, pressing featherlight kisses to your neck until you feel his teeth graze the skin and order him sharply to "Wait!"

He pulls away so quickly like you burned him but you don't let him get too far.

"I know I said I want to help with the research for the cure but if this doesn't work if I don't make it..." He wants to cut that thought of but you don't let him.

"Please." He sees that you need to say this so he takes a deep breath and lets you continue. "If I die, I don't want to be cut open. You can take the same test and samples as we just did but I can't..."

He does cut you off this time, grabbing your chin almost hurtfully as his expression says it all. He would never do that to you.

In an instant, you are calm again and nod for him to continue.

Aleksander repeats his previous actions but this time halts on his own, kissing your cheek in reassurance and whispering a command, a plea in your ear that says 'Don't you dare to die!' before his fangs pierce your neck.

"Come back to me!"

[seventfics]

in a world where no Sun Summoner is ever discovered, Genya would be the Darkling's foil. of all the characters that LB develops across books, I stand by Genya being the most like him, and not Zoya

this is not to say that Zoya isn't a foil for aspects of the Darkling, because she is. so are Alina and Nikolai, dominantly! But Genya?

-she acts principally by her self-imposed duty to Grisha

-she is aware of the critical roles she has to play. as agent and servant. as a uniquely gifted Grisha, isolated by the rest. as someone staring up at the glass-ceiling made by the Grand Palace court

-she is willing to sacrifice her personhood and individuality (and similarly to the "price of Merzost," her body) for Grisha to break that glass-ceiling, so that they may rise as a cast from social oppression

Genya is who the Darkling once was: younger, less experienced, morally gray and aware, and still seeking connection with others

what distinguishes them from each other (in the S&B trilogy in particular) is that while the Darkling is at a point where he craves power by any means gained, Genya doesn't: she wants friends. she wants belonging. what she wants of power is to protect herself

he's far outgrown that feeling from an eternity of never having enough power to change what matters. and yet, what do we see happen in S&S and R&R? the Darkling's close relationships slowly fall apart to ruin as Genya instead builds new ones. David, Alina, the surviving Grisha. she thrives, while he dies

I just really wish we had seen more of Genya being one of the only people who understood the Darkling’s mind. her point of view into his decision-making. she should have made an incredible Second Army General, or a hidden-morally-ambiguous-left hand of King Nikolai

(I'm trying to convince myself not to start side-project-writing again by talking about it here) ((or maybe I'll fail miserably after a week and cave in with another writing wip))

[thebadgerclan]

After

Pairing: Aleksander Morozova x reader

Summary: After the Civil War, you carry on...

A/N: So based on something Jessie said during the red carpet premier, I’m 99% certain that Aleksander’s going to die this season, so here’s this

 I also cried while writing the dream sequence in this

General Nazyalensky hated you.  She never said it, but you knew why: you had been Kirigan’s wife, the object of his affections, the owner of his heart.  And when the war had ended with your husband’s death, you had been pardoned.  It had been Aleksander’s dying wish that you go on, that you keep fighting for your people, and you would do just that.  If not for yourself, then for your Aleksander.  You still remembered the first few days after the war, they were imprinted in your mind:

You were seated before the new King’s hastily assembled council, still in your bloody, singed, torn kefta.  There was blood and dirt on your face, your hair was a mess, tear tracks cutting through the grime in your cheeks.  “Y/N Morozova,” King Nikolai said, standing with his hands planted on the table.  “As it is, you have been charged with high treason.  We both know what the punishment for that is.”  You did: death.  “However, the Grisha are fractured, and I’m feeling merciful.  So,” the King unfolded a piece of paper and slid it across the table to you.  

It was a pardon, a royal decree: By order of His Most Royal Majesty, King Nikolai Lantsov, Grand Duke of Udova, Ruler of the Double Eagle Throne, Y/N Morozova is hereby pardoned from all crimes and offenses committed during the Ravkan Civil War.  In exchange for this leniency, Vdova Morozova will take all reasonable efforts to bring the rogue Grisha to the Crown, as well as serve on His Majesty’s council as the advisor to the Grisha.  Vdova Morozova, by accepting this pardon, swears loyalty and fealty to His Majesty, King Nikolai and all of his descendants and serve on their councils.

“You’re not going to kill me?” you’d asked, still in shock from everything that had happened.  The King had sighed, pinching his brow.  “As it turns out, you’re useful to us.  And if Nazyalensky is going to be leading the Second Army with Genya and David, I’ll need an advisor.  So no, I’m not going to kill you.”  So here you were, almost 3 years later, an advisor to the Crown, alive, but not quite free.

Your pardon had been expertly worded: you would live for centuries thanks to the power your husband had gifted you, and King Nikolai had ensured your loyalty to he and his descendants.  You’d succeeded in bringing Aleksander’s Grisha back to the Crown, something that did nothing to endear General Nazyalensky to you any further.  They were traitors, she said, they deserved to die.  But you, according to the Squaller, deserved to die more above anyone else.  But you were under the King’s protection, thanks to your pardon, so there was nothing she could do but simmer in her hatred.

The General found you in the Royal Chapel, knelt at the altar, a strand of prayer beads in your hands.  “I never took you for a pious woman,” she sneered, crossing her arms.  You were silent for several minutes, crossing yourself as you rose.  “I’m not.  But if my husband is to be worshiped as a Saint, then I will pray to him.”  You straightened the skirts of your black silk gown, both your husband’s color as well as the color of mourning, the color you’d worn every day since your husband’s death.

Zoya stepped closer to you.  “So when that cult shows up at the gates, you’ll throw yourself into their arms?  You’ll raise an army against the crown and commit treason once again?”  You straightened yourself up, forcing yourself to be composed.  “My loyalty is to King Nikolai and no one else.  I can pray to a Saint and not follow the crazed followers of His cult.”  “You say that now, but if those zealots show up, I guarantee you’ll be running to them, Vdova Morozova.”  The use of your title, widow, was intentional, a reminder of what you’d lost, and it stung, even after all these years

“I would watch yourself, General,” you said.  “I could very easily advise His Majesty to remove you from the Triumvirate.  There are plenty of Etheralki who would be honored to take your place.  Now, is there a reason you interrupted my prayer?”  Zoya bristled, but nodded.  “King Nikolai wishes to see you.”  “Of course,” you replied, sweeping from the chapel without meeting her gaze.

“Moi tsar,” you said, curtseying when you entered the council chambers.  “You called for me?”  “Indeed.  You’re a difficult woman to track down, Y/N.  We searched half the Palace for you.”  “I was in the chapel,” you replied, seating yourself at the table.  “What can I do for you?”  The King needed your council on how to implement the new training regimen for graduates of the Grisha school, which you handled with little difficulty.

When you were dismissed, you returned to your chambers, richly appointed chambers in the guest wing of the Grand Palace.  There were two guards posted outside your door at all times, as much for your safety as they were there to ensure you didn’t try anything.  But what would you try, anyway?  You were a widow who ought to have been executed; instead, you were living in luxury, a seat on the King’s council.  You were far more fortunate than you deserved to be.

As you dressed for bed, your eyes landed on the portrait from your wedding; you and Aleksander, wrapped in each other’s arms as you danced, eyes only for each other.  Your heart ached, as it always did, and you climbed into bed, curling into yourself.  Nights were the best part of your day; when you could slip into dreams and see your husband again.  Maybe it was your subconscious giving you a shred of joy, maybe it was tour Sasha visiting you from the afterlife, you didn’t care, so long as you saw his beloved face.  

You were in your rooms in the Little Palace, in your old bed, the black silk sheets cool against your naked body.  The sun shone through the drapes, and you turned your face into your pillow.  A strong arm wrapped around your middle and pulled you backwards into a warm chest.  “Shh, go back to sleep, milaya.”  Tears pricked in your eyes and you turned over, facing your darling husband.

“Aleksander,” you whispered, and he smiled, kissing your forehead.  “My love, my beautiful, beautiful bride.”  Tears fell, and Aleksander wiped them away.  “Don’t cry, sweet love,” he soothed, kissing your forehead again.  “I miss you so much,” you cried, pressing your face into his chest.  “Sasha, I miss you.”  “I’m right here, sweetheart.  Right here.”  You sniffled, and your husband held you tighter.

“But you’re not,” you said quietly.  “You’re gone and I’m still here.  Without you.  I miss you so much, Aleksander, I miss you so much it hurts.”  “Oh darling,” your husband cooed, gently coaxing your face from his chest.  “I know.  I miss you too, Y/N.  But I’m still with you.  Every day, I’m right there with you.  You don’t see me, but I’m there.”  Your body shuddered as you sobbed, and Aleksander held you, gently stroking your hair, kissing your forehead, telling you how much he loved you.

“You have to wake up now, sweetheart.”  “I don’t want to,” you whispered.  “I don’t want to leave you.”  “I told you, darling, I’m always with you.”  He kissed you then, long and sweet, as reluctant as you were to let you go.

When your eyes opened, you were back in the Grand Palace, your cheeks wet with tears.  You managed to drag yourself from bed and prepare for the day, scrubbing your face and pulling on another of your plain black gowns.  As you made your way to the King’s council chambers, you noticed a shadow in the corner twist, and as you continued, you saw it trailing along the baseboard.  Tears pricked at your eyes, but they were happy tears, knowing that your Aleksander was still with you.  Even though you couldn’t see him, he was at your side, and so long as he was there, you could carry on.

[kasagia]

❄️️Warm my heart pt. 8 (end)❄️️

Pairing: Aleksander Morozova/ The Darkling x fem! heartrender! reader Summary: Winter Fiesta at Christmas? Great idea. After all, there is no better opportunity to end the drama that has been going on between you and the general than at a huge ball thrown by Lantsov. Word Count: 3,6k Taglist:@aoi-targaryen @budugu @flostvs1508 @chelseyyouraverageluigi ~•♤♤♤•~ Aleksander Morozova’s Masterlist ~•♤♤♤•~ ~•♤♤♤•~ Part 7 ~•♤♤♤•~

You liked Christmas, but the winter fete that preceded it was a terrible event.

Especially since this year you weren't leaving to visit your brother right away, and in the next few hours you were going to find out whether the man you gave your heart to was really an immortal, power-hungry monster who would stop at nothing to achieve his goal.

In hindsight, you would probably prefer to endure the snark and rudeness of your grandparents and your siblings.

You took a shaky breath as you walked out of the Little Palace. At the exit, you met Fedyor and Ivan, who reconciled after Ivan promised to meet his family. The bastard knew it would be impossible this year, so he agreed, but as long as Fedyor is happy about it, then you are too.

Fedor's worse half separates from you as they reach the great hall of the king's palace.

You and Fedyor blend in with the crowd of other Grisha. You manage to grab a glass of champagne and sip it while watching the people around you. You unconsciously look at Alina, which Fedyor immediately notices.

"Are you waiting for the big show?" he asks, referring to the little show of power Alina and Aleksander were about to do.

Luckily, you missed out on being a circus monkey at the party this year (you suspect Aleksander didn't want to anger you more), so all you had to do was try to get through the last few hours as pain-free as possible.

"I can't wait." you say sarcastically, grabbing something sweet from the snack table. Out of the corner of your eye, you notice your friend smirking. "What is it? What did you do?"

"I? Nothing at all," he lies, leaning on the table and grabbing something to eat.

"I know you too well for you to lie to me. I've seen this conspiratorial smile more than once. What's going on?" you ask, looking at him carefully and expectantly.

Before you can push him further to speak, Genya joins you, saving the man from your further investigation. She shows you some Inferni tricks. When you look away, they both exchange knowing glances, and Fedyor silently thanks her for saving him.

"You look pretty." Genya comments, turning to you as the three of you eat the sweets. Take advantage of the opportunity while you can. In the Little Palace, you rarely ate anything other than those nasty herrings. "I like your earrings. Moonstone, right?"

"David made them for me. Initially, they were supposed to be… something else, but he had enough material to make me earrings as well."

"Yes, he is very talented. And what was most of it he spent on making?" she asks curiously as you three walk to a more distant part of the room where there are much fewer people.

"A ring."

"A ring? I don't see any on your finger."

"It wasn't supposed to be for me. Christmas gift." you explain vaguely.

The ring was supposed to be for Aleksander... no proposal or anything else. He recently lost his ring, so you asked David to make him a new one, practically the same as his old one but with a piece of moonstone inside.

"Oh, I see. You know, David told me that the moonstone has… a very special meaning," she says teasingly.

"Really? And how often do the two of you talk like that?" you ask just as teasingly, and she blushes too.

You both laugh, and only now do you notice that Fedyor has also disappeared somewhere, leaving you and Genya alone.

"May I ask who that special gift is?"

"I... I haven't decided yet." you tell her what is actually true.

This evening was to decide everything. That evening, Aleksander was to put his plan into action. If he really decided to use Alina in his plans... you had a backup plan ready. Which you hoped you wouldn't have to use.

You notice Aleksander as soon as he enters the room.

And you are speechless at the sight of him.

At the sight of his black kefta embroidered with red threads.

He gives you a short, meaningful look and goes to greet the royal family. You turn immediately towards Genya with a questioning look, and she simply shrugs.

"He wanted a matching kefta." she explains, but she frowns at your growing excitement. "But I want you to be careful. He's… a powerful man. Even if you tamed him a little."

You are going to deny her words, defend him, and say that he is not as bad as everyone makes him out to be, but you are speechless for the second time when soon after Alina enters the room in a black kefta with gold embroidery.

You shake your head, laughing bitterly.

"Apparently not." you say, staring at Alin with envy. The bitter bile of jealousy and hurt wells up inside you as you try to focus on your anger rather than the tears welling up in your eyes.

Genya stares at her as surprised as you, searching for someone in the crowd.

"I don't understand… after all…"

"Don't worry, I understand." you say firmly and coldly, making the redhead shiver. You ignore her, staring at Alina as she approaches Aleksander from behind, surprising him when she smiles sweetly at him. "And I'm not going to be part of this fucking threesome."

You leave Genya alone before she can say anything. You don't stay for the Alina and General show. You just walk out, pushing your way through the crowd and finding the back exit where the fewest guards are patrolling. All you wanted was to disappear into the shadows.

Aleksander looked for you frantically after Alina approached him. But he doesn't see you anywhere. You left Genya alone, and he wasn't able to spot you in the crowd.

He did his little show with the Sun Summoner and left her with her friends. He moved quickly towards the exit, catching Genya's gaze. The woman immediately followed him. They both left the room and went into the corridor, where Fedyor was already waiting for them.

"What happened there?" he asks them furiously. "Who gave her that damn kefta? That wasn't the plan."

"Um… David saw Baghra leaving the Grand Palace."

Aleksander frowns in anger at Fedyor's words. He clenches his fists and takes a few breaths to calm himself down. His mother always had to destroy everything that was good. He should've predicted it.

"And where is she now?" he asks through gritted teeth.

"Baghra?" Fedyor asks hesitantly as Genya gently moves towards him.

"Y/N!!" they both tremble when they hear him shouting. Shadows circle him, giving him an even more ominous look. He sighs when he sees the fear in their eyes, and with a wave of his hand, everything returns to normal. “I meant Y/N.” he says more calmly, slightly embarrassed by his sudden outburst.

"We do not know. David followed her, but she vanished from his sight."

"Vanished?" Fedyor nods. Aleksander immediately thinks of his mother. Only she and he knew the exact location of the hidden corridors in the Grand and Little Palace. She had to take you. Convince you finally that he is a monster. "I want our men at every exit gate around the castle, at every exit and entrance, and at the sewers that lead from here. As soon as you see her, you are to capture her and alert the rest."

"Baghra or Y/N?"

"Both!" he says angrily, walking towards the exit of the palace. "And you two are to guard the Sun Summoner. I don't want her to disappear too."

He doesn't go far before Ivan catches up with him with the news that there was an attack on Alina. He freezes in his steps. It cannot be split.

He can either look for you or protect the Sun Summoner.

And the choice is simple for him.

You kept your hand pressed tightly to your mouth to keep from making any sound as you walked down the hall of the Grand Palace. Tears flowed freely from your eyes, somehow making their way through your hand and into your mouth so you could taste the saltiness of your defeat.

He chose Alina. Actually, both of you, but what difference did it make? You made it clear to him that you wouldn't be just another pushover in his life, just another face among many others. You wanted everything or nothing. Nothing half-hearted, no half-truths, and no being THE OTHER WOMEN.

As you walk and cry, you don't notice something suddenly moving in the shadows, and listening to the heartbeat of someone who might be hiding in a secret passageway in the hall is the last thing on your mind right now.

That's how someone grabs you tightly by the arm in an aching hug and drags you along with them to the hidden exit of the castle. You struggle and freeze, both shocked and irritated, as you see who caught you.

"Baghra? What the hell do you want?" you ask irritably, not wanting her to see you like this. You pull your hand from her grip and wipe the remaining tears from your face.

"I'm helping you, child. Do you think Aleksander won't send people after you who will lead you back to him like some pet?"

"I don't need your help." you growl, backing away from her in anger.

"You think so? So c'mon. Go, run away by yourself. I am sure he will find you. Maybe he will even put a collar on you too. You, Alina and Aleksander will have so much fun together."

You stand still, listening to her words like poison. You shake your head and turn to face her, watching her smirk with spite.

"You know what? I'm not surprised that he... that he thinks what he's doing is right. If he told me even a little bit of the truth about himself, then I know how you treated him. How you shaped him. So don't be surprised that your son became what he became when all you showed him was how to take advantage of other people and how to not care about anyone but his own goals and needs. Maybe if you hadn't run away from all those who are supposedly not worthy of your attention and hadn't taught him the same things, he would have turned out completely differently. Maybe if you saw him as something more than a creator of the fold, a Black Heretic, everything would be different. And don't worry. I can handle everything perfectly on my own."

You leave her in the secret corridor and don't look back as you return to the main halls of the Grand Palace.

Aleksander was furious. No one saw you, no one could find you. He ran out of the Little Palace and headed straight for the stables. You had to sneak out somehow. He hoped that maybe he would ride his horse around the area and find you.

He doesn't wait for the horseboy. He approaches his horse and saddles it quickly and expertly. He has his foot in the stirrup when he hears movement near the entrance.

"Are you going somewhere?" you ask, leaning against the entrance with your arms crossed.

He freezes, blinking a few times, making sure you're not some sort of vision, ghost, or other creature tormenting him. When he realises you're standing there in your body, he jumps off his horse and runs towards you. He hugs you to his chest and buries his nose in your hair. He lets out a shaky breath, inhaling your scent.

"Saints, where have you been?" he asks, not letting you move away from him. He needs to feel you close.

"On the way. Far from here. I turned back when I heard that there was an attack on Alina. Did anything happen to anyone?" you ask worriedly, moving away from him. He doesn't let you go far, just enough to look at him.

"I… I don't know." he admits, embarrassed, and you frown, looking at him in disbelief.

"How don't you know?"

"I left. I left Ivan, Fedyor, and Zoya in charge. I… I had to find you."

His confession makes your heart melt, and you bite your lips, holding back the sudden urge to kiss him. Your brain gets back on track as you start to think again about how your friends and other Grisha handle another attack on Sun Summoner.

"We have to come back to them." you tell him as you somehow manage to get out of his grasp and turn towards the exit.

"Wait... please." he says this and quickly overtakes you, blocking your only escape route. You stare into his dark eyes for a moment before shifting your gaze to his horse, which is watching the two of you closely. He doesn't let you take your eyes off him for long. He gently grabs your chin and forces you to meet his pleading gaze. "Talk to me."

"About what? We have nothing to talk about." you say, glaring at him defiantly.

Common sense screams at you to run away from him. He wasn't just the red flag; he was the whole red carpet. But how can you leave him when those dark eyes look at you so pleadingly, when he clings to you like to the anchor, like to the only thing that holds him sane?

"If that were true, you'd be on your way, far away. I know you could get through all those people I put on guard, even me. If we didn't have anything to talk about, I… I wouldn't be looking for you like a mad man, leaving the Little Palace in such a situation without my supervision. You know that."

"Why are you wearing a kefta with red embroidery? Why did Alina replace her blue one with a black one? You can't have a cake and eat it at the same time, Aleksander. I want... I want to be the only one for you... as you are the only one for me, even though this shouldn't happen. Even though I know what you did, but... I can't help seeing you as... as someone more than my general or the Darkling. I... please, just don't prove me I am that naive to love you."

You lift your head to look at him just as he leans down to capture your lips with his.

You stand there in shock for a moment, but you respond to his kiss with equal parts fervour, passion, and need. He wraps one hand around your waist, and the other gently cups your cheek, tilting your head to a different side to give him better access to your mouth. You moan into the kiss, grabbing the lapels of his kefta and pulling him even closer to you.

The thought occurs to you that he looks good in red.

His cold fingertips tease the hot skin of your neck as he begins to undo the buttons on your kefta. A shiver runs through you as you break away from him, realising that you two still have a few more things to explain before you can finally let yourself lose yourself in him.

"Wait, wait." he listens to you and immediately pulls away from you, his eyebrows furrowing in concern. He licks his lips and is about to ask you a question when you interrupt him. "Nothing happened. You didn't do anything wrong; I just need to know. What about Alina? And the fold?"

"She means nothing to me. She is nothing compared to you. She is just a means to an end, and I… might have changed my plans a little bit."

"What do you mean?" you ask, crossing your arms. He sighs and looks at you for a long time before answering.

"I'm not known for making noble decisions. But know that everything I do—everything I wanted to do—I did for Grisha's sake. And I admit... these were not good for everyone. I wanted to seduce Alina. Make her trust me, make her rely only on me, and take advantage of her. But then I promoted you. I needed help with the papers—someone who wouldn't question my authority and for whom Grisha's well-being was as important as mine. And you ruined all my plans after the first day when you argued with me about sending our people through the fold. I... for the first time in hundreds of years, I had someone who wasn't afraid to say what she thought. Someone who respected my opinion even if she didn't agree with it. I felt that… that I didn't have to be this monster around you, that I didn't have to keep up my image. That I don't have to be a Darkling for you to respect me. And I know I'm far from being a good man, but with you... with you, I remember what I was like before all this happened, before this whole thing with the fold. What I was fighting for. What I believed in. I thought that that man died a long time ago, but with you, I am... I can be just my old self. The one I really missed. The only one of many of my... well, version of myself that I didn't play or create for survival purposes. I live with you. Not just keep fighting to survive for the better times. So please believe me that when I say I love you, I say it from the deepest truth, from the remnants of my heart that I still have after the centuries I have lived. The remnants that you picked up and brought back to life, my little almighty heartrender. You don't have to want me back. I don't suspect you will… just please don't leave. Don't leave me again alone in my darkness."

And what can you say? What can you do other than go up to him and kiss him like you've never kissed anyone else? You don't know who is more surprised—you, him, or that damned horse neighing in the background, ruining your perfect moment. But you don't care. You kiss your shadow summoner and try to convince him that, from now on, he will never be alone. At least as long as you breathe.

"I have something for you," you say later that night as you lie in his arms in his bed.

After your little make-out session, you returned to the Little Palace and took care of everything. Baghra was gone, Alina was safe (with Mal returning after Aleksander had abandoned his search for the deer), and everyone in the palace had somehow survived another attack.

"I don't need anything except for you to stop squirming so much," he murmurs into your neck, tightening his grip on you as you try to reach for your kefta, which is discarded on the floor next to the bed.

"Aleksander!” you squeal, laughing when he touches the sensitive spot on your waist, making you tickle. "Don't you dare." you say, seeing his malicious look. "I'm serious. Tickle me, and I'll fly out the door, not caring who sees me naked."

"I'll remember that." he huffs, offended, and buries his face in your neck. His beard tickles your skin, and even more tickles your sensitive skin, where he left a few hickeys on it.

You somehow manage to reach into your kefta and take out a canvas pouch. You place it on Alexander's chest, smiling excitedly as he pulls away from you gently and takes the item, examining it in his hands.

"What is it?"

"Your Christmas' gift. Open it."

He doesn't question your order. He pulls you towards him so that you're sitting between his legs and leaning against his chest. He hugs you, holding you close to him and resting his chin on your head as he opens his pouch and selects a ring. You feel him hold his breath, and his heart speeds up.

"Don't worry; I'm not proposing to you. I'm not crazy enough to do it so quickly. Besides, I'm quite a traditionalist when it comes to this. I'll wait for my ring. I just know you lost yours somewhere and… I thought it would be a nice gift."

"Is this a moonstone?" you nod at his question.

"Do you like it?"

He doesn't answer. He places a kiss on your head and hands you the ring. He sticks out his left hand, obviously wanting you to put it on his finger.

You do it with trembling hands. It looks good on his finger. And the possessive thought crosses your mind that he is truly yours now.

"I have nothing for you, milaya. You'll have to wait before I pick up your gift from David and Genya." you turn around in his arms with a smile.

"I already have my gift. You let me warm your heart. That's all I wanted." he gives you that charming smile and kisses you. You smile against his lips, feeling his arms around you again as he pins you to the mattress to shower you with kisses again, hickeys and all his attention, whispering against your skin with every kiss how much he loves you and needs you.

And in the morning, you find a beautiful black kefta with red embroidery and a ring that matches the one you gave him. And as you hear his heartbeat against yours, you decide it's the best Christmas you've ever had.

[happyhauntt]

gold rush modern au hcs

series masterlist | writing masterlist | askbox

─── summary: the anya / nikolai brainrot is real and i want to start writing for their modern au so until i do, here are some fun headcanons bc i literally cannot stop thinking about them.

─── pairing: nikolai lantsov & anya kamenev (original character.)

anya lets her guard down when she's drunk and early on in their situationship it's the only time nikolai gets to take care of her.

like she calls him to come and get her from a frat party genya took her to and she's so cuddly he's honestly concerned she's been drugged and/or cloned

like 'who are you and what have you done with the girl who bullies me like her life depends on it???'

he's so soft for it when he realises she's just drunk and he tucks her up in her bed with painkillers and a trash can within reach and he sits on the couch until dawn to make sure she's okay and then slips out before she wakes up.

everyone: 'for someone who hates nikolai you sure are obsessed with him'. anya: 'no i'm not???' everyone: 'sure you aren't babe'.

they are the definition of 'fell first, fell harder' !!!

nikolai was out here pining for anya for years, and she just wakes up one day and gets slammed like a fucking freight train with the realisation. oh fuck. i'm in love with nikolai. somehow. how the fuck did that happen. WHY the fuck did that happen. my life is over.

this is right after nikolai is injured at winter fête during an assassination attempt against his father and her whole world just screeches to a halt.

genya and david are just in the corner and david's handing genya a wad of cash and they're laughing while anya has her little meltdown it's adorable.

entering into a friends-with-benefits situation when anya is engaged to vasily (it's an uno-reverse plot of their original story where nikolai is engaged to alina bc PARALLELS and also i can't let them be happy in any universe without first making them suffer) is a Bad Idea but these two are nothing if not self-destructive.

anya may be in love with him but she doesn't have the emotional capacity to Deal with that yet so she's just gonna fuck him.

being friends-with-benefits is all well and good until nikolai gets so fucking jealous of anyone who even looks at anya. she finds this hilarious (until someone's looking at nikolai and then she's throwing hands.)

anya is very insecure about her disability, especially because of her status and expectations, and nikolai makes it his duty to show her how much he adores every inch of her, every day.

anya is engaged to vasily and she and nikolai fully get caught by zoya sneaking out of the engagement party to go makeout in the bathroom. these two are gonna give her premature grey hairs honestly-

anya admits to nikolai that she misses being able to dance. nikolai helps her dance around her apartment by supporting her weight and they're giggling and suddenly they're slow dancing and it's so fuckin adorable.

it's hard to believe anya was so mean to him for literal years.

nsfw beneath the cut!

anya learning she's actually a sub is so fucking funny

like she is so submissive during sex but absolutely not at first. she has a dire need for control in her life and definitely runs their sex life/tops for the first few months.

it's really significant the first time she realises she trusts nikolai and surrenders that control to him, because what she really wants is someone to take care of her, someone to trust completely.

she's so bossy at first and then sex becomes this thing where she just melts and nikolai literally thinks he'll die the first time she allows him that control because it's like seeing anya for the first time, and he's so in love with her already even if it's just sex but in that moment he swears he fell in love with her again. knowing he had her trust like that was,,, everything.

teasing eachother like it's an olympic sport?? more likely than you think.

like she used to hate him (lol not really) and now it's her personal fucking mission to rile him up at any given opportunity. public events?? in the library?? at her own fucking engagement party?? you got it.

nikolai fucking anya in her wedding dress??? yes.

because she is a masochist and doesn't know when to stop hurting herself (or nikolai honestly) she's like 'hey it arrived from it's final fitting, can i show it to you?' and he wants to say no so badly.

she's marrying his asshole brother, there is no world where he wants to see this dress, see her in it, picture her wearing it for someone other than him.

but her eyes are so wide, so vulnerable, and he realises she needs this. needs him to be the first person to see her wearing it. needs him to understand.

so she comes out, and he's honestly,,, floored. and angry. and so, so turned on. his eyes grow dark and hungry and before they know it he's hiking the dress up to her waist and fucking her against the doorframe.

and it's so possessive and full of remember you're my good girl, not his and when you're saying your vows, you gonna think of this? think of me fucking you in this dress? you're so beautiful, my darling, he doesn't deserve you. look at me. you're gonna walk down the aisle and all i'll be able to picture is your face as you come for me.

it's so hot and the room smells like sex and nikolai takes a picture of her in the dress afterwards, draped on the bed, face flushed and eyes shining and happy. and he'll pretend it's their wedding night.

[usmsgutterson]

Hello Can you do a Poly one with Nikolai & Zoya fic it can be fluff with prompt 6 ? Where the reader has a crush on them

Recipe Box- poly! zoyalai x gn! reader

okay, hi! First ever poly fic of any kind. I've debated writing poly fics before but I've never actually done it so this was next level nervewracking for me and I hope it's decent.

I'm sorry it took me so long to see the requests you've sent in, things get buried in my inbox really quick and this request was no exception for a bit, but dear nonnie, I hope you like this in spite of how long it took me to get this out!

The prompt you requested was fluff prompt six: “Character A wanted me to give this to you,” Character B said.

Fic type- fluff with so much yearning

Warnings- none

You found yourself laughing at Tamar and Tolyas bickering as the three of you moved through the hallways of the Grand Palace, a discussion picking up and dropping in brief moments as the end of the day drew nearer. 

The time after the war was tough, the adjustments necessary difficult ones to make and the grief for those you’d lost immense and painful. Nikolai plunged into his kingly duties after he was crowned, Zoya took up the creation and the maintenance of her garden, you took to baking and the twins to sparing to sharpen their already sharp skills. 

Tolya and Tamar became members of Nikolais guard, working for him as they’d once worked for Alina and her sun cult. You almost took up a position alongside them, one offered to you by Nikolai after the war, but you refused. Despite it, finding the twins was always easy, striking a conversation with them easier even still.

You’d taken up working in the kitchens, making the menus for the week and putting effort into baking during your off time so that Genya and Zoya could always have the sweet pastries they liked at the drop of a hat and, selfishly, because baking had always been therapeutic for you.

Baking brought you plenty more joy than being on the sea did, but in the days of the war, being on a ship crew meant easy money, and easy money was good enough for you back then, while you worked on the Volkvolny with Nikolai as the captain.

You met Zoya in those times, too, so you wouldn’t’ve counted the war as an entirely dreadful time. You’d fallen for Nikolai when you worked on the ship alongside him, fallen for Zoya as you fought at her side against the Darkling. You had crushes on them for two years, and at that rate, it never seemed like the feelings you held would quite escape you. 

So, as you approached the war room with Tamar and Tolya, you were relaxed. It'd been your day off but you'd baked throughout it even still, and you'd dropped a basket of sweet pastries at Genya and Davids door in the hour before you found yourself where you were, with Tamar and Tolya at your sides as you walked them to the war room before you would either head to your room or to the palace library, where you grab a book and spend the next few nights reading.

Nikolai caught sight of you and grinned as you entered the room.

Tamar elbowed you lightly, shooting you a grin as your gaze met one of the people you’d been in love with for what sometimes felt like a thousand days. 

“Every time,” she whispered. “Him and Zoya. Every bloody time, and still—fools. The lot of you.” 

“Hey,” Nikolai greeted Tolya as you made a point of ignoring Tamars words simply for the fact that you didn’t believe them. “Alls well on the grounds?” 

“No threats waiting to jump out and kill you,” Tamar said pointedly. “Grounds sweep was successful.” 

Nikolai looked at you again, and seemed to remember something. You watched him pause for a moment before turning, picking up a small box and walking it over to you.

“Zoya wanted me to give this to you,” Nikolai said. “You bake in the kitchens a lot. Said it was recipe boxes with stuff you’d talked about.” 

You grinned as you took the box, grin widening as you met his gaze. “Thank you,” you said, turning on your heel. “For delivering it, I suppose. I need to find her, give her my thanks.” 

Nikolai nodded. “Yeah,” he said. “Tamar, Tolya and I have much to discuss. I don’t know if I’ll see you again tonight, so goodnight, Y/N.” 

You grinned. “Goodnight, Nikolai,” 

And with that, you left, heart thrumming as you walked down the halls of the Grand Palace, a huge part of you hoping to see Zoya before you retired to your room for the night. 

You ended up not seeing her, but you made a mental note to thank her for the very sweet gift when you would see her the following day, at the end of your shift in the kitchens and likely as she sat by a samovar of tea, either chatting with Genya and David or finding something to bicker about with Tolya or Nikolai. 

It was something to which you looked forward immensely. 

[ravkanfoxprince]

Chaos had errupted in the meeting room and Nikolai leaned back in his chair, watching. With Zoya and the Triumvirate being occupied with Second Army issues that needed immediate attention, he took it upon himself to meet with their cabinet. Weeks ago they had worked out documents for that meeting, which had been put off far too long and after his latest discoveries, he had altered some of the conditions last night. There had been no time to counsel with the others, but he doubted one of the Grisha would object to increasing their living conditions. Much due to his own doing, he'd been and felt rather abandoned by the people closest to him, which led to a long free fall into what seemed a bottomless void of self-doubt, despair, rage and guilt; the hard crashing however had shaken some sense back into him, filled him with new clarity and motivation, like a broken compass needle coming to a halt for the right direction. He couldn't change what happened in the past, but he could try and make sure it didn't happen again. Or minimalise the risk at least. Nikolai pressed his gloved fingertips together, giving the heated arguments another minute, noting who was for and against his suggestions. People being against them was ridiculous anyway. With a shake of his head, he raised his voice: "May we all calm down now! I find that I'm rather appalled by how many of our members are against better treatment of Ravka's people. We are, collectively, supposed to protect them. All of them." From his seat at the head of the table, he gave the cabinet members a long, hard look. Some of them at least had the decency to look embarrassed. He continued to talk: "We have not done enough to protect our vulnerable Grisha-" "Vulnerable!", one of the cabinet members snorted, "they kill without ever laying hands on us and you call them vulnerable?" Nikolai looked at him rather coolly: "Most of them had and have to turn to actions like this to survive. You'd point the end of a rifle at everyone who threatens you life too, wouldn't you? What gives us otkazat'sya more right to protect ourselves than Grisha?" He was met with silence; he couldn't quite tell if it was grim disagreement or rueful agreement, but as he looked into their faces, it depended on the person. What gave him the right to speak for a group of people he didn't belong to? The question had pestered him this morning. It had been Tamar who reassured him that, having an otkazat'sya speaking for them might be an advantage. He still wished Zoya would be here next to him, Genya or David too. He'd even appreciate Aleksander's ghostly apparition, though it might look as if he'd lost his mind talking to himself for outsiders. But, he chose to do this and he was standing behind this decision.

Restlessness getting the best of him, he had to get up from his chair and started walking around the table while he continued to talk: "We've always deemed Fjerda with their drüskelle to be the most hostile towards Grisha, but what have we done to treat them better? They're persecuted here too, just not as loudly. Many still live in hiding. Even here at the Palaces, many still see Grisha as nothing more but weapons. Having a Grisha queen seemed to have the opposite effect of what we hoped for." Bitterness swung in his words. Many Grisha of the nation had celebrated having a queen of their own rows. But her power, her unpredictability and her dragon made those wary of the group outright fearful. And fear caused hate and violence. He thought Zoya was what Ravka needed. He wondered if he had miscalculated so heavily or if it just needed more time. "And that's surprising? The last Grisha in power aimlessly killed thousands of people", a sceptical voice from the other end of the table. He could not have this conversation again. It was tiring. But he inclined his head in some sort of agreement: "That is true. But it also started out as trying to protect our people. It went terribly wrong at one point, yet it all comes back to the same point." It actually emphasized his point; although he knew not many in this room would believe the Darkling had good intentions. "We have reached a point where Grisha feel so unsafe in their own home that they've turned to horrible experiments to increase their chances of survival", he dropped the bomb, "this including their own people as well as otkazat'sya. It should've never needed to come to this. Or any of what happened in the past. We need to make sure that it's not necessary. You aren't Grisha, but you should still care. And if it's beyond your empathy, than care for your own kind. What we're aiming for isn't too much to ask." The silence in the room stretched out as he came to stand behind his chair. This time it wasn't disdain, but thoughtfulness. The door had been unlocked. Now it just needed to be opened.