#and miss my bhaal-babe

[marshmallow-bg3]

[warlordfelwinter]

gale's reaction to the "i'm a bhaalspawn" revelation is so..... me. if someone told me they were child of the lord of murder my reaction would probably also be "gosh!"

[anotherdarkiboi]

List of Astarion's Terms of Endearment

This is for the fanfic writers haha. Tell me if I'm missing any so can add it in!

Darling (his most used)

My love, love

My sweet

“You sweet, generous thing”, “you sweet little thing”

Lover

My dear, a dear, dear

Beautiful

Cheeky little pup

My little treat ("-with their cheeks all flushed")

Sweetie

Pet

You wicked little thing (affectionate)

"You're a sweetheart", "you sweetheart"

Delectable little pet (not directed towards Tav but it easily could be)

My friend (yay, we're his friend)

My favorite traveling companion (not a pet name but it's nice to be his favorite)

My leaking blood-bag (technically you refer to yourself as that first and he calls you his one after, but it counts)

You little scoundrel

Edit: Thank you everyone in the comments for adding the Dark Urge ones!

Bhaal-babe (I'm dead, this silly pun I swear)

My sweet, bloodthirsty friend

My precious little Bhaal-babe

My conflicted villain

My dagger-happy friend

Bonus: Ascended Yandere Astarion

My pet, pet

Little love

Precious thing

My treasure

My consort, My Dark Consort

My favorite spawn

Insolent little- (the Dev's notes say that the full line is "you insolent little brat" which, um...)

Insolent little pup (the line was in EA, although I’m not entirely sure if it’s Ascended Astarion. Full line: “you are an insolent little pup, aren’t you?”)

"You ingrate" (When you try to break up with him. It's not really a pet name, but-)

"Property I cherish, but still my property" (his thoughts)

[astarionslittletreat]

Eat You Alive

Gortash x female Durge/Dark Urge

Rating: Explicit

You must be 18 years or older to interact with this post in any way

Word Count: 1k

Tags: smut, sex, piv sex, over-stimulation, bleeding, blood, biting, bondage, domination, threats of violence, threats of murder, sadism, masochism, unhealthy relationship, established relationship, dub-con, unethical use of magic, cock warming, forced orgasm

Author's Note: This is not meant to depict how a relationship should function in any way. Neither character posses any redeeming qualities or are meant to be idolized. This is a work of indulgent fiction. Please read the tags before proceeding.

Summary: She's returned to him, his Bhaalspawn. After vanishing from him without a trace, he's got her exactly where he wants her. Tied up and waiting for him with murderous lust.

Wrists and ankles shackled by purple translucent magic, the Bhaalspawn strains against the spell holding her down. Muscles tensing, she flexes her arms, tries to kick her spread legs but to no avail. She cannot break free. It’s not explicitly uncomfortable. She’s naked, true, exposed to the dark room and her surroundings, but the silk sheets she retrained on have been freshly laundered. The spell curling around her extremities is warm and radiates the feeling of pure magic that sends shivers down her spine as she tries to pull away. She’s of two minds at the moment. The Dark Urge that usually slumbers like a dragon in the back of her mind is wide awake–demanding to be freed. Ordering that they be let go this instant and repaid in blood and flesh and bone. The other part of her mind, her true self, her weak self, nearly lost. Drowning in the madness of her carnality. Aching, wanting, dripping for her lover to touch her. To unburden her of her desires–every single last one of them.

“You’re fucking gorgeous like that–” Lord Enver Gortash’s dark eyes grow hungry as he watches his Bhaalspwan arch her back in a futile attempt to break free. “Spread out like a good girl who just wants to be eaten.” He purrs. Taunting her until she’s so filled with rage, Enver can feel it radiating off her bare skin. “Look at me.” It’s a command tinged with magic, and the Bhaal babe meets his gaze. For the briefest–shortest moment her eyes go soft. It’s so quick, he would have missed it if he hadn’t been staring directly at her because it instantly vanishes.  Consumed by the fire burning through her veins. Her murderous rampage simmering in the pit of her stomach. Enver’s cock throbs at the sight of his dark and demented love.

Her eyes dart back and forth across his bedchambers. A feral animal caught in a trap. Searching for a way to get out. To get to him. Restrained as she is, the Bhaalspawn flinches as Enver traces the scars on the inside of her thighs with his fingertips. Some he recognizes, some are new, requiring him to catalog her body once more. She trembles at his touch with a rage and bloodlust that makes Enver grow hard. His cock swells as he palms himself. Stroking just enough to take the edge off as he lowers himself to the bed. Drawn in by her tender fury he moves to worship his lover. To take her into his mouth and press his lips against every new scar she acquired without him by her side.

A sinful mix of Infernal–and possibly Abyssal, if Enver heard correctly, falls from the lips of the Bhaalspawn. Spit like venom. Sung like hymns. “That’s right my love,” Enver praises the words he doesn’t fully understand, but knows all the same. He knows exactly what his love needs before biting down, hard. Blood blooms over Enver’s tongue and the Dark Urge moans in delight.

“I’m going to fucking kill you.” She threatens beautifully. Spitting and hissing in the common tongue for Ever to understand.

He chuckles, “I sincerely hope so, my love.” He had thought himself dead once already. He certainly hadn’t been alive these past few months at the very least. Not when she had disappeared. Gone, without word. Without trace. Without any explanation that was due to him. Of course, he knows now what happened, but the bitter sting of life without what made Enver whole had scarred him. Changed him. A piece of himself vanished when his love disappeared. Abandoning their well-laid plans, the city–him. The fury and indignity at being left behind after so long never quite left. Orin’s death helped, true, but this– this is so much sweeter.

“I’m going to break every bone in your worthless body before I filet you alive!” Spit coats her lips as the Dark Urge screams, and her body fails in painful delight. More–she wants more. She needs Enver now instead of him taking his sweet fucking time.

Evner doesn’t spare her the prep time. She doesn’t need it, doesn’t deserve it. Between her scarred and bleeding thighs, Enver presses the head of his cock to her entrance before pressing in in one long stroke. Settling himself until he’s fully seated inside his love. Oh how he’s fucking missed this. Her mewling gasps of his name. The drool sliding past her lips. The way she tightens, squeezing him as he presses his thumb to her clit. Circling and toying with her. Forcing her into a breakneck speed while he sits there. He spits on her clit for good measure. There will be time for pain later. Right now, the only thing he desires is to feel the Bhaalspawn breaking apart around him.

“Wait!” Panic. “Stop, I can’t–”

“You’re going to fucking come, now.”

Another command, bold but dangerously quiet. Tinged with venom and love. She doesn’t need a spell to obey this time. His familiar heavy weight, his clever hands working her body better than her own self knew how. It was inescapable. Her release surges through her body as she clamps down hard. Her body strains against the magic holding her down, her muscles taught and aching as she tumbles recklessly through the pleasure forced upon her. It hurts. It hurts and she likes that it hurts. That it’s messy and quick. That her legs are weak and she can feel wetness seeping out of her cunt where Enver is still seated and hard. She gasps. Gulping down air as she falls from her high. Her mind floats. The Dark Urge temporarily calmed like a wild beast to music.

Enver allows her a few seconds respite. She had earned that much at least. But the night was young, and he still missed his deadly little Bhaalspawn. He waited until her gasping died down just a bit before he began to circle and toy with her now oversensitive clit. “Another, my pet.”

[oogalaboogalabich]

Posting my current list of things i wanna draw cause honestly, id much rather see someone elses take on a lot of them.

Most of these are labeled under "degenerate art ideas" so take from that what you will.

Please feel free to use any one of these.

-----

- The Kiss from fallout. If you know you know. Bane and bhaal with a dead durge and gortash.

-Comic: Astarion in trouble and drizzt comes out of nowhere all heroic and saves him and hes all doe eyed n shit.

-Halsin and mr meadhoney. "Do you have a particular fondness for large and...heavily armed men, mr. Meadhoney?"

-Lucretious the necromancer and astarion dancing the tango together with the skellies in the back playing music."The dead are always such superb dancers."

-Comic: Lucretious topping astarion, bent over the stages edge. "What if we put you in my show darling. Im sure we could find something for a star like you...something youd love as much as the crowd."

"Youd make a spectacle of me?"

"In front of THOUSANDS who come just to see the most perfect beauty in all of the planes."

"Oh yes i quite like the thought of that."

-Comic: "Orin: you suck up the tyrants vapors like a babe sucks milk."

"Durge: tch fuckin yeah i do."

"Astarion: D:<!!?"

"Orin: *quinten terantino scowl that she does*"

-Vellioth as the "i yearn for the urn" tiktok

- astarion amputee doodles (thank you godey for that idea)

-3 musketeers quote "i love that in a man." "What. Passion?" "Violence" but ghoap or durge. Maybe make a version of both?

-when (doodly dude) hit me real hard that one night and my jaw rattled in my skull all nasty, but make it durgestarion hehehehehehe

-Astarion licking blood from durge in one of the pools of blood (idea from mignon scene)

-Durgetash comic of demon slayer masochism abridged thing with the lady man demon

- bg3 crew bein a bunch of rly cute parrots doin dumb cute things.

-same idea but theyre all shoebill storks.

-comic: "Mighty sanctum" bit, then durge pulls astarion into his lap and kisses him. "Fairly certain you would castrate me if i tried to fuck you right here like i want...im still not sure if thats a deterrent or temptation" but ya know...better written.

"bloody degenerate...unhand me."

"Let go of my neck then."

"No"

"Well then...")

-Mungojerrie from cats and astarion both comolimenting each others pearls and casually holding something they swiped from the other. Riumpleteaser and durge are snickering and sharing a look, while RT has swiped something of durges, durge is pulling out his/her dagger

- Durge/Tav painting astarion in gold, and feeding him blood in a hedonism date night. he thinks the gold paint is just for tav. But he keeps saying "i just want you to see yourself as i see you." And stuch things.

He leads him to a giant ass mirror and lo and behold, there he is. In the flesh. The colors arent there of course. Hes looks like a statue, but its still...its more than the statue, its more than a portrait.

-Lyrical comic of durgetash ritual by ghost

-comic: Astarion is walking with the gang. He looks up to see something and narrows his eyes. He suddenly bursts into bats, flies up onto the space he was trying to peer at and reappears in a panic. Somethin like....

"I was eight bats...how...fuck...gods how am i supposed to even process that!?

Astarion are you alri

"I WAS IN EIGHT FUCKING PLACES AT ONCE TAV I AM NOT ALRIGHT"

-comic- Volothamp talking to tav about a rat exodus from "a mysterious "red castle" " where their bretheren kept going missing. So they gave up the territory and moved to a "red cave" just beneath it, where blood flows even more freely.

Astsrion recognizes the palace, and remembers a time where rats were in such short supply that cazador had simply switched to insects for a while. Well with astarion he had, the rest had been treated to cats and dogs, in order to lessen the threat against the local rat population. Durge in the meantime, has an odd memory about commanding rats to find reconnisance if they wish to find safety with (fuzzy writing that doesnt quite translate to words)

-Astarions ascension but its happy with evil hugs.

-Durge reacting to the gnoll birth holy hells that was funny.

-Durge eviscerating astarion while he arches off the ground as if in ecstacy rather than pain. Theyre both laughing in wild, crying hysterics and theres those timasks spores everywhere.

-Comic: A -Astarion in the mirror frowning and looking distressed, even a little pissed in a mini panel, as he pinches a small amount of belly fat. Hes a very healthy weight but like 200 years o trauma dawg. Next pannel he looks thoughtful (considering that hes never had enough to eat before to warrant gaining rather than steadily losing weight), third panel he looks up in a catlike manner and fingertip taps his stomach near his hip. Very silly smug cat face meme feels here

-Chaste kiss canon durgestarion/tash vs nasty canon durgestarion/tash

-Comic of vellioth uncovering mummystarion from crypt.

-Comic of astarion fucking posessed n bound durge in the shar library.

-An archer in general doing leg archery. Maybe two goofballs doin it at each other with silly faces. I can see any combo of minsc and lazel and astarion doing this weirdly enough.

-spit/ blood exchange between s/a astarions.

-That moment when astarion is blissed out in the sauce under durge in the grove. Maybe a pov where theres drops of blood mid fall, and theres two hands smearing it all over his chest.

-A astarion sitting on bhaals altar while durge and gortash dogfight.

-Gortash with his hand inside a lasceration in durges belly, squeezing himself off all slowlike inside durge. bloody handprints everywhere, though some have turned to black sooted handprints. Theyre kissing all disgustin

-Slayer and a predator Shilouetted gwtw style

-Astarion getting railed by a Predator.

-Lazel getting railed by a Predator.

-Honestly just put everyone in every fandom with a predator at some point like fu c ks sake

-Comic of the superimposed cazador murder/thunderstorm blood frenzy xex scene from that one fic i never finished

-The king E x Ragnar bath scene but nasty. (Also durgetash?)

-Astarion with floorlength hair and dripping with pearls, looking a little emaciated, or perhaps just extra slender themes to the art

Two smaller panels where vellioth h it away and carefully styles it while figaros corpse lays in the corner. Vellioth should look younger but less pretty.

-Durge slips his hands into astarions back pockets (in this comic he has invented ass pockets) "butt"

He goes "no, butt." And walks away. Durge looks down at his hands that are still right there where his butt was. And he squeezes the air with a smile

[sketchyelvenasss]

I do miss the line “Us. I still love the sound of that.”

It is one of my favorite lines

I kinda wish there was a collection of line that built up through the acts instead of the progression based off of location in the personal quest.

Like the “precious little bhaal babe!” And the other Durge specific teases will only be said once

[bhaal-battle-beer-bard]

Welcome to Saulus' new Waning Moon Distillery 🌙 Under New Management

My name is Saulus and I am the Dark Urge Tiefling (Vampire) Bhaal Battle Beer Bard Tav of @judasiskariot (aka MissZombieSlayer)

Together with my patreon and Mäzenin judasiskariot, I will write all the bardic inspiration stuff for you.

Be prepared for songs, dirty limericks, poetry, ballads, incorrect quotes and headcanons.

Masterlist

COMMISSIONS OPEN

Available in German and English (in mind that English is not my native language, please be merciful 🙏)

I am here for the art trade.

Take writing requests for some funny art trade.

You can commission me to write bard songs or poems about your favourite BG3 character or your Tav.

I don't say it is going to be good��😅🙈 But I will always try my best and hope I create something that makes you smile and brings us joy to both of us 🙂🫶❤️

What I do:

- Most of the time funny roasting shenanigans tavern bard songs and dirty limericks

(About a specific person, topic or moment of your adventure)

But I can also do:

- Sad or romantic ballads about your Tav, character, romance

- Poem about your Tav, companion or romance by choice

- Poem or letter written by a character for your Tav/You or romance partner by choice (I will try at least; I don't understand every companion in the same intense way)

What I don't do:

- I guess we will see when it really happens

- A specific wordcount I guess, it will be one or two Word document/my poetry book side long most of the time

BEFORE I start writing:

* Let me know if you want it in rhymes or not (or I will do as I please) and if it should include a specific topic, theme, incident

* Let me know if there is any character or topic you totally not want to be roasted/being made fun of in the funny bard songs

(I mean it is all fun and everyone should be able to laugh about themselves but is totally fine to say what you like and what you dislike)

* When it will include your Tav I will need a picture and information about their background and personality

Want to talk about BG3 (and more)? I love to talk! Message me here or on mainblog @judasiskariot

Jelayah, the half-elf fighter Saulus, the Tiefling bard (durge) Devorah, the Drow bard (durge)

My fanfictions here:

AO3 + Animexx MissZombieSlayer

Want to know more about the Bhaal Battle Beer Bard?

I love art, poetry, vampires and being a slut.

Her name is Saulus. She is sassy little Dark Urge Tiefling Bhaal Battle Beer Bard, dreaming of a retirement with Astarion at Moonrise Towers with best friend Thisobald Thorm.

The Tiefling bard is banned from most gnome weddings and some cities in Faerûn 😂 There is some fun rivalry between her and Volo 😄

Her dream is to marry Astarion, start a family and settle down with him at Moonrise Towers to reopen the Waning Moon Distillery.

(The party, "Opa" Ketheric, bhaal cult and the undead horde are babysitters)

She uses two hand crossbows, wanted to be an evil bhaal babe, but ended up doing all the right things 😄 The Urge is still strong in her, so better not making here angry 😈

She is absolutely in love with Astarion and the owl bear cub (her son) and Thisobald is her best friend.

She is insecure about her Tiefling look, holding her tail when she is nervous. Saulus plays dirty funny limericks with the lute and mostly lyra but with two missing strings at the moment💀(maybe she doesn't take criticism very well😅)

She likes gnomes but is banned from most gnome festivities because she confuses them with kids and is singing too many dirty limericks (at children's birthday parties thinking it is a wedding; but also inappropriate for weddings though... 😅)

Saulus: "Let me tell you my bardic epos:

After all fires in Baldur's Gate are extinguished only one remains: Cazador's palace. I burn it down, so Astarion is getting his head clear and get over his Ascension Master God Complex. And because the handymen failed to build a palace door in owlbear size for our son the owlbear cup. In consequence of I won the drinking competition against my bff Thisobald Thorm I inherited (more or less official and legal) the propery deed of The Waning Moon.

Ketheric is still alive and our grandpa Ketheric now.

I marry Astarion, start a family and settle down with him at Moonrise Towers to reopen the Waning Moon Distillery.

And when Opa Ketheric is holding the little half Elf Tiefling Vampire baby for the first time, you can see how the light and will to live is coming back into his eyes.

I am the bard at the bar, barkeeper and my own best customer.

The party, "Opa" Ketheric, the bhaal cult and the undead ghoul horde of vampirelord Astarion are the babysitters. (Everyone wants to look after the baby but the party is failing miserable and Dammon is giving them babysitter lessons because Karlach is also pregnant and is lending Dadstarion Clive til her baby is coming. Opa Ketheric is always babysitter of the month, but surprisingly closed followed by the ghoul and bhaal assassins. Father bhaal is not really welcome but Sceleritas of course!)

Needless to say we still have a vacation home at Baldur's Gate and coming back there with a little family.

When we are walking through the city, we do it in single file and every child (also the owlbear cub of course!) is holding the tail of the sibling in front, so no one is getting lost in the big city. One child do not have a tail, because it is more elfish than the rest, but he is wearing a costume tail to be part of it and he insists that Papa Astarion is also wearing a fake one, so that they are all similar.

Astarion and I always must pay reparations, because the owlbear cup grew to like rose pedals at the wedding and now it destroys the gardens at Baldur's Gate.

I perform dirty limericks and funny songs about our friends and adventures at the Elfsong Tavern. And especially by the order of Lord Gortash many songs about Dragons(born).

Yeah almost everyone is alive.

Astarion and the party are the bouncers so everyone must watch the whole concert. Yes Astarion supports everything his wife does! The stupider, the better. And because as the only one he is wearing earplugs.

pics by aristenfromwarsaw