#and me CONSTANTLY having to apologize to them over and over and over and over again
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Some lestappen thoughts in these trying times:
I think Max and Charles have a bond unlike anyone else in F1, even though they’re not that close of friends. I’d even go so far as to say they’re trauma bonded.
We all know Jos was downright horrible. It’s quite reasonable to assume that this was very hard on Max as a child, and that he felt alienated and alone (recall the quote of him saying it would’ve been nice to be able to play football with kids his age, sometimes). The only times he got to hang around with kids his age was on the race track. And who was always there? Always at the top? Always challenging him? Charles Leclerc.
Charles, meanwhile, had the opposite. He had a entire support system built around his racing career. He had both brothers and his godfather with him, and a fathers love to guide him through. In his teens, he lost both Jules and his father, and suddenly, the only consistent familiar part of racing that remainder from his childhood, would have been Max.
Meanwhile, while Charles was suffering this loss, Max was in Formula 1, in a top team, doing quite well, and had picked up a support system (albeit a likely limited one) in Daniel Riccardo. I think Charles was extremely jealous of Max when he also got to F1 in 2018. Their whole lives, they’d been opponents, and then Max beat him to F1 by 3 years & had everything Charles did not (a good seat, a father, an older F1 driver to guide him). I also think that’s why the Austria 2019 podium ended up being such a big conflict. It was a lot more than just a win to Charles. It was proving himself.
Now, they’ve both matured (Daniel helped Max and Seb helped Charles). They can look back on their karting days fondly, and they both recognize that the only real supportive part of their karting careers that still remains, is each other. All the hatred they had for one another has turned into support, and a kind of respect that very few drivers have for one another.
They have something special. It’s undeniable. There’s no other drivers on the grid that have history anything like them (Pierresteban could be discussed but that’s a whole mess). And now I think they’re old enough to realize they have something special.
Max genuinely cares about Charles. It’s obvious. Their racing is so much different to anyone else Max goes wheel to wheel with. Leclerc is the only driver I’ve ever seen him apologize to. The whole “Charlie I’ve got a space for you!” Thing is still blowing my mind. Max talks about Charles like he’s the only one Max actually wants to race, like Charles is the only person worthy of challenging him. He rates Charles over everyone else even when he fucks up “come on Charles man, too many mistakes” comes to mind.
And Charles is the same way right back, he just usually has a bit more shame. It’s worth noting that he speaks highly about a lot of other drivers, but Max always seems special. He compliments max out the wazoo sometimes. It’s clear that he sees Max as the very best - as the benchmark to beat. But more than that, he defends Max just like we do. Charles always supports Max’s moves on Lando, even when they’re clearly in the wrong. He supports Max’s aggressive racing, claims to LIKE it even, when Max is being constantly harassed by the fans and media.
There’s something between them. Some unspoken reason why they support each other like this and the only conclusion I can come to is that the memories they have of each other are inseparable from their memories of racing. They’ve been competing at the top since they were 6 years old. They know how to be rivals better than they know how to do anything else in the world.
I don’t know if they ever hang out outside of F1. I don’t know if we’ll ever see them interact again once Max retires. But I do know that they’ve shaped each other in a way that will impact them until the day they die. Every untainted memory from their childhoods is about each other. All the memories of loss and abuse are separate to their memories of each other. They are the only thing that remains.
The most fundamental part of racing for Max, is beating Charles. And the most fundamental part of racing for Charles, is beating Max. Everyone else on the grid is irrelevant- an obstacle. They are two halves of the same story and I think that’s more beautiful than any romance book I’ve ever read.
oh anon you are so absolutely right. listen for me, it's the fact that we can talk all day about lestappen and ship them or let our imaginations and minds go wild with w/e but fundamentally? at the end of the day? there is also substance to it - even any form of fandom aside, there are simply facts about them that make them such a beautiful dynamic. there is something so mesmerizing about the level on which they drive, perform, their talents and skills and the way they grew up with and around each other in a sense. the beautiful juxtapositions, the red strings of fate, the way their paths kept crossing and intertwining even before they raced each other again (suzuka being max' first proper f1 test drives and then jules etc.)... there is just something cosmic about them that (as stated in some previous post) almost boils down to THEM BOTH BEING LIBRAS which is still driving me insane. the balance. the way this just screams UNIVERSE just as partners in life, as twin flames, as two sides of the same coin, two weights on a scale... again, not even saying this is related to the fandom angle of romance. like you said it almost runs deeper than that. and i, personally, refuse to be normal about it the same way the two of them are never truly normal about each other.
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“Magic pocket pussy”
Synopsis: DOL NPCS acquiring a magical pocket pussy synced to you.
Contains: afab!gn!reader, discipline, multi penetration, noncon, overstimulation, somnopihlia, toys
Words: 588
A/N: I only differentiated yandere!sirris from his normal conterpart as he is the only character I can imagine having drastically different behavior for this particular prompt. You can’t convince me Gwylan isn’t cooking up magic (probably illicit substance as well) in his shop. Something about them feels underlined with nefarious intent. I’d like to flesh out this concept with some characters at some point; there’s so much nuance and potential.
Abuses the hell out of it
With access to your cunt at all times, your pussy will be consistently puffy and raw from abuse. He’s stuffing you with cock whenever the urge strikes, torturing you with toys when his dick can’t keep up with his libido. He purposely teases you at inconvenient times. Watching you struggle to maintain composure in public is his favorite pastime. Most nights you wake up to the feeling of an invisible cock dragging along your gummy walls. If for whatever reason he can’t torment you at night, the pocket pussy is being stuffed with a vibrator so you wake up drenched in the morning. He’ll insert random objects throughout the day of various sizes and shapes, all to watch you squirm. Sometimes he’ll cram the largest dildo he can find inside to see you waddle around town in discomfort. He’s likely to fill the silicone hole with a dildo or vibrator of some sort—possibly both or even multiple of each—and then fuck you for real with the toys still inside. Really though, seeing your reactions is his favorite part of all. While your real pussy will always reign supreme, there’s a charm to watching you break apart without even actually touching you. The fleshlight is just so convenient.
➥ Anxious Gaurd, Briar, Kylar, C!Sydney, Leighton, Morgan, Quinn, Scarred Inmate, Whitney, Wren, yan!Sirris
Generally only when you’re not available
He doesn’t usually care for toys (why bother when he has you), but this one is an exception. It’s hardly a replacement for the real thing, but he can at least admit the convenience is alluring. It’s not all too often it gets used, but there are times when he misses you and can’t resist. It’s just so easy to punish you for being away for too long or simply to remind you of them. He could always just shove a vibrator inside and forget about it if he feels like it. Watching you fall apart without touching you proves enjoyable, as well. There’s a possibility he could even order a custom dildo, a replica of his length, to stuff the silicone cunt with, so you seek them out sooner. No chance you can forget about him when you can’t even sit. This opens the possibility of double stuffing you using only their dick. The longer you avoid them, the less patience and willpower they’ll have, therefore being less likely to wait.
➥ Alex, Avery, Bailey, Black Wolf, Eden, Great Hawk, Gwylan, Harper, Landry, Methodical Gaurd, Niki, Relaxed Gaurd, Remy, Veteran Gaurd, Zephyr
Only once in a moment weakness
He’s rather unlikely to use any toy, let alone a magical onahole. Just owning the thing feels like a breach of trust, but they can’t risk having it fall into anyone else’s hands. It sits in a drawer, hidden away until he eventually forgets about it. It’s not until he’s humping a pillow in the pitch dark of his room that he remembers it exists. He’ll scold himself, suddenly too ashamed to feel horny. Days will go by, constantly plagued by curiosity. When he finally concedes, apologies will spill from his lips as he rocks his hips into the silicone. It feels so good, and he wonders if you’re feeling the same. More than that, he wonders if the real thing—the real you—feels this good. His orgasm is the most intense he’s ever felt, electricity taking over him and his essence flooding the silicone imitation of you. The post-nut clarity is potent, mortifying. He’ll avoid you for some time after that, unable to even look you in the eye for even longer. Shame creeps along his spine like a parasite, vowing never to lose control like that again. Below the guilt, desire grows and bites at his willpower. Who knows how long it’ll be before he gives in again?
➥ Charilie, Darryl, Doren, P!Sydney, Jordan, Mason, Mickey, River, Sam, Sirris, Winter,
Bonus
The likely creator of said pocket pussy
➥ Gwylan
#afab reader#gn reader#tw: noncon#tw: overstimulation#tw: somnophilia#pocket pussy#degrees of lewdity x reader#degrees of lewdity#dol headcanons#dol#dol x reader#alex the farmhand#avery the businessperson#eden the hunter#kylar the loner#sydney the fallen#sydney the faithful#whitney the bully#sirris the science teacher#wren the smuggler#bailey the caretaker#harper the doctor#remy the farmer#winter the history teacher#doren the english teacher#robin the orphan#mal.mine#leighton the headteacher#mdni#gwylan the shopkeeper
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I don’t ever post things like this here because this is primarily my writing side blog, but it feels too important not to say something.
I started writing 9-1-1 fics for the Buddie fandom and for a friend who was near and dear to me. I quickly left the fandom because of the mods for an event that I was participating in and how awful they were to one of my best friends that joined the event with me. That completely killed my desire to interact with the Buddie fandom at all and I don’t know if I will ever finish posting the fic that I poured my heart into for said event. Because that fic is fully done, but those encounters with those fans made me never want to write Buddie again.
And then Tommy Kinard came along.
And holy fuck, I fell in love with him so fast. I immediately rewatched the show after he reappeared in season 7 because I was so fascinated with his character. And then I fell in love with Lou Ferrigno Jr. and began watching S.W.A.T. just to get glimpses of him and I grew to love that show and its characters, too. And I read his interviews and saw how happy he was to be back on the show and it made me happy, too.
Then I saw all the hate and negativity.
It filled me with so much anger and I blocked so many people across so many different forms of social media so I no longer had to see it. All I wanted was to surround myself with positivity.
Because I’ve been that bitch.
There are people no longer in certain fandoms because of me and I’ll never be able to apologize enough for the ways that I hurt them. Sorry will never be enough to mend those bridges that I poured kerosene on.
It’s why I’ve stayed in my corner and all of my fic comments have been generic, which isn’t who I used to be. I used to engage and leave long comments, but honestly I’ve been terrified to try and join any new community. Because I am fucking terrified of reverting back to the person I never want to be again.
My best friend started watching the show again after I went to his house for dinner and had him watch the BuckTommy kiss episode with me. The last five minutes of that episode, I told him to put his phone down and pay full attention and he was completely engaged and was so happy to see another queer couple onscreen. It gave us something else to bond over every week as we would watch and text about what was happening.
Tonight’s text:
This coming from a gay man who does not engage in fandom spaces at all and who felt blindsided, too. Like so many of us did.
I immediately started writing a fix it fic because that’s who I am. I want to write the endings I want to see. And then I stopped writing and sent Lou a message directly because I needed to get something off my chest.
I was raised in a broken home. Raised by racists who belittled me endlessly and have told me within the last couple of years that I am their least favorite child. I am the youngest of 6. That shit was heartbreaking. It’s a wound that will never heal. But why am I bringing it up? Why does that matter?
Because I saw myself in Tommy. I saw a character who represented the worst parts of my youth, who spouted hateful things my parents taught me to say and then spent years having to unlearn those things. Lou talked about his own ideas about Tommy’s past and it struck so close to home for me. Because Tommy showed he was capable of change. And I did, too. It took therapy and years of reflection and being hyperaware now of the shit I say and having to constantly stay on top of my own thoughts and correct them.
I have been dating a woman of color for the last 9.5 years and she’s the love of my life. She has been there through every stumble and stayed even when my passive aggressive inclinations got the better of me. And I saw so much of myself reflected in Tommy Kinard’s character and Lou’s portrayal of him and saw our relationship in Buck and Tommy, too.
Tonight hit me so much harder than expected. And this probably seems like a jumbled mess of thoughts, which it is, but I needed to get some things off my chest and out into the world.
This is not the week that so many of us were expecting. This hurt. We’re allowed to be upset and need time to process. I sure as hell do.
But I do want to say a heartfelt thank you to anyone who has brought joy and friendship to this fandom. The fics that have been written are amazing and the art has been fantastic. I’ve seen some people make lifelong friends in the past few months thanks to this. It sure as hell strengthened some of mine.
So, if you need a friend right now, know that I’m here. I’ve been subdued for a while, but I refuse to lose out on more joy in my life. Not when we all desperately need it. So I’m here for you.
And please remember to be kind. Don’t let anyone take that superpower away from you.
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HR (Stan x fem!Reader)
Summary: you decide to give your boss a little scare
Warnings: playful flirting, nothing overtly sexual
"Did you see what Stan was wearing yesterday? That open collar..."
"Ew! He's like my grandpa. Why would you even say that?" Wendy made a fake gagging sound. You enjoyed having her as a coworker, despite sometimes forgetting she was nearly ten years younger than you.
You'd started working at the Mystery Shack in the spring, while Wendy was still in school, and when summer began, you were grateful to finally have someone to talk to when things were slow in the giftshop. Her and Dipper even invited you onto the roof occasionally. It was nice to have someone to confide in about your crush, too, even if she pretended it was super gross.
"Why don't you ask him out already? He'll say yes, I mean he stares at you constantly." She was right - the world's darkest pair of sunglasses couldn't hide Stan's obvious gaze over your figure as you stocked the shelves every day. Not to mention calling you "doll" any chance he got. But until now, you'd pretended to be blissfully unaware, biding your time patietly.
"Oh, I will," you assurred Wendy, "but I'm gonna give him hell first. I got a plan, just wait."
---
"Yeah, and when you're done with that, there's a leak in the roof you can look at." Stan's gruff voice rang out through the gift shop as he and Soos entered.
"On it, boss," Soos saluted Stan before approaching the checkout desk, "What's up dudes?"
"Hey Soos," you pretended not to notice Stan behind him, "do you know who's in charge of HR here? Is it you?" You felt a little bad roping the ever-innocent Soos into your mischief, but the suddenly panicked look on Stan's face was worth it.
Soos began to repond, "Gee, I guess I've been here the longest, so--"
Stan cut him off, nudging Soos to the side and placing his palms on the counter. He leaned close and said, "You're lookin' at HR." He squinted his eyes suspiciously, "Why d'ya ask?"
"Oh its nothing, just" you put on your best poker face and shrugged, "maybe I need to report some inappropriate behavior."
Wendy hid her face in her comic book to stop herself from laughing, but poor Soos looked very concerned. You prayed Wendy had the heart to explain the ruse to him once you and Stan were out of the room. At your words, Stan just sighed and gestered toward his office.
Once inside, he removed his fez, sat on the edge of the desk, and rubbed the bridge of his nose under his glasses, "Look, doll, I'll be straight with you. You do good work, but Wendy 'n Soos have been here a whole lot longer and I have a hard time believing either of them would--"
"My issue isn't with them." You crossed your arms and he raised an eyebrow at you as you continued, "I should slap you, the way you gawk at me all day. And all those pet names? You must think I'm stupid."
Stan didn't look as shocked as you'd hoped. Instead he chuckled with the corner of his mouth and got to his feet.
"Wouldn't be the first time." He said. His arms hung at his sides. He closed his eyes and turned his head. His shoulders and neck tensed and he braced for the impact.
Suddenly your palms were sweaty, you hadn't expected this. Was he actually going to let you slap him?
After a moment, he partially opened one eye, "Well, get it over with already."
"Mr. Pines... I'm not gonna slap you."
His body relaxed and he shrugged, "I 'preciate that, but I'm pretty sure I deserve it this time."
You smirked at him, "I won't slap you, but only because I'm afraid you'd like it."
Stan chuckled a bit, but you could tell you'd flustered him. He rubbed the back of his neck and looked at the floor.
"Look doll--" he coughed, catching himself, "look, I'm sorry if I made ya uncomfortable, I promise I'll stop. But, if you could just keep this between us..."
"An apology isn't good enough. I'd hate to see your good reputation ruined, Mr. Pines."
Stan sighed and headed for the chair behind his desk. As he sat down he muttered, "Figured. You always were a fiesty one." He started rummaging through a drawer in the desk.
"Alright, what do ya want, a raise?" He pulled out the paperwork he was looking for and slid it towards you. You just shook your head at him.
Defeated, he leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms.
"Okay, this aint the first time I've been blackmailed. What'll buy your silence?"
At this point you couldn't hide your smile. You approached the desk and leaned over, your low-cut top perfectly showing off your cleavage in front of him. His eyes darted to the corner of the ceiling and he swallowed.
"Stan," it was the first time you'd ever used his first name in front of him, "we both know what I really want isn't silence."
He stole a few quick glances at you before studying the ceiling again. "What's your point?"
"I want you to take me out to dinner."
He did a touble-take and sat straight up in his chair, "Come again?"
"I like the attention, Stan," you laughed at him, "but I wasn't gonna give you what you wanted without a good scare first." You shot him a wink across the desk.
Stan's cheeks flooded pink, he was speechless.
You prodded him, "Well, did I? Scare you?"
Stan dramatically clutched his chest, "Ya nearly put me in an early grave, doll."
He stood and moved back to your side of the desk with a chuckle. "Was Wendy in on this?"
"Oh, of course."
With one arm, Stan grabbed you by the waist and pulled you into him, looking deeply into your eyes, "You make a pretty good con, y'know." His free hand found its way to your jaw and he pulled you into an energetic kiss that lasted several wonderful seconds.
As he pulled away, you flashed him a devilish smile, "I learned from the best."
I'm not the most proud of this fic, quality-wise, but it's been sitting finished in my drafts so I might as well post it. I will say this is not very ethical but it's just meant to be a fun story, don't take it too seriously
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Long confession ahead, apologies in advance.
Look, I don't get heated about shipping. I like what I like, and I look at things I like. If I don't like whatever someone is posting, I'll filter the tags, and if they aren't using the tags appropriately, I will block them. It's fairly easy for me to avoid ships I personally dislike most of the time. I do all of the things I'm supposed to, and yet I'm still having this problem.
There is one singular ship on God's green earth that kills all of my enjoyment for both of the characters involved, and it is radioapple. I have never felt such strong emotions about any other ship before in any of the fandoms I'm part of. It's fucking everywhere. I genuinely cannot use this website if I want to see Lucifer or Alastor fanart/fanfic, and I'm not moving sites.
But God. I'm so fucking sick and tired of seeing "this post contains filtered content: #radioapple." When S1 first came out, I counted 37 blocked posts in a row on top of #Alastor on one given day. I had to scroll through 37 blocked fucking posts before I found ONE that wasn't about fucking radioapple. And that isn't counting all the OTHER Alastor ships, because of course that's all anyone gives a shit about anymore.
I'm on mobile, so I can't use browser extensions to make Tumblr's filtering system actually do what I want it to (delete every radioapple post, forever). I also don't feel like buying a laptop for fucking Tumblr. I've been getting back into HH after falling out of it for a while for related reasons, and I forgot how much angrier and more unhappy I am coming out of #Alastor or (to a lesser extent) #Lucifer than when I went in. Which is super awesome considering they're my two faves.
I wish I was kidding when I say I have actually cried real tears more than once over this. I'm aroace, and I thought maybe for once I'd get to feel at least a little bit included and represented in fandom as a whole. I thought having a canon aroace character would be that for me, at least one tag I could semi-comfortably browse and feel like I'm actually part of shit and not a spectator for once, but obviously not. I don't even get to look at fanart of a character I enjoy without being constantly reminded of how different and alone I am, even when that character is different in exactly the same way as me. Even characters like Alastor that are written to be like me aren't written for me. Because why would anyone create anything for someone like me to enjoy when they could instead jam a little more sex and romance in there?
I once scrolled through #Alastor blocking all the radioapple posters for so long that I reached the bottom of the page. Tumblr would not show me any more posts and I had to reload it. I blocked 209 different blogs, and it barely made a dent. 209. I can't curate my way out of this. I genuinely think I just don't get to like those characters anymore, and it fucking sucks. I want my deer man back.
TL;DR: I cannot enjoy these characters I deeply relate to with how prevalent and fucking inescapable this one ship is, and I'm not sure how to fix it. Frankly I'm not sure it's fixable, but I would love it if this wasn't something else I just don't get to have like everyone else. Someone tell me what to do about this. I want to have fun too.
I understand why you would think that. I’m probably aroaceflux and I can see some alastor in me (aroacewise, not serial killer wise) and why you wouldn’t want to see the ships you don’t like. Unfortunately that’s how many fandoms work, they’ll just keep shipping.
to be honest, I don’t know what to say, but thanks for the confession and I hope things get better for you
#confession#confession blog#hellaverse#hellaverse confession#hazbin hotel#hazbin hotel confessions#hazbin alastor#hazbin hotel alastor#alastor
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Mm, that it's all for the best (of course it is)
(lots of yapping below)
So, Petro and childhood trauma. Woohoo! (episode 16 & petro character analysis)
I find his relationship with the Wisp very interesting, with how she treats him and his responses to it. There’s a lot of little details with childhood trauma and motherhood that I find very interesting. I’m mainly gonna be discussing their dynamic, then symptoms of childhood trauma and emotional abuse.
In EP16, Wisp has a lot of traits similar to a controlling or abusive parent. She blames Mark’s death on Petro, despite none of it being his fault. She states things along the lines of, “look what you made me do.” and, “I’m sorry for breaking your toy.”
The toy line really sticks out to me. It’s both dehumanizing Mark, and dismissing Petro’s grief. It’s equating Mark to a toy, and makes his sadness sound silly and overdramatic. Of course, there’s obviously the parallels of a mother breaking a toy, then brushing it off.
Generally, the Wisp has a lot of moments that feel like a mother belittling their child. One example is how she mentions disappointments- a lot. She explains how she doesn’t approve of them, doesn’t tolerate them, and projects these expectations onto Petro. She expects him to do perfect work, and when he does, all is well.
However, if he messes up, if he disobeys in the slightest, she switches up instantly. She becomes cold, begins to demean him and remind him of his place. It’s abusive, and keeps Petro constantly worried about her. He can’t afford to mess up because he can’t deal with her punishments, her threats, her switchups and anger.
It’s also worth noting she looks similar to Allay’s, which we saw in EP15, and they look fairly cute and, well, child-friendly. Even now, the Wisp doesn’t necessarily look scary at first glance. Ironically, when she was first spotted, a lot of the fandom thought she was just a little buddy or creature. Take that how you will.
Now, moving onto Petro’s responses to this. Not just in the situations where she’s mad, but how he reacts in general.
In general, he has a very brash, blunt attitude. Something interesting is that he seems to always want the upper hand on people. Now, this could just be explained as “well he’s evil of course” but I’m delving deeper. His urges to constantly want control could be explained by how helpless he feels when around the Wisp. It’s the only way he can have the illusion that he has a choice; he can manipulate people, he can make his own relationships and distractions from the cruel situation he’s stuck in.
While it’s not really the most serious scene, I do keep it in mind. Alux is joking about holding Petro’s hand while they escape, and Petro’s first response is “I’m not a child.”. Interesting to keep in mind.
Now!!! Delving into symptoms. Obligatory reminder I am not a therapist or psychiatrist so I apologize if the info is off.
For starters, childhood trauma. Common symptoms of lingering childhood trauma are: difficulty controlling emotions, impulsiveness, an increased response to stress, relationship instability, dissociation, avoidance, and heightened anger.
I’ll go over these. Not all of them apply to Petro, or have no proof that it applies, so I’ll go over the clear ones I can prove and discuss.
Impulsiveness: While Petro comes off as calculated at first, he does have quite a few moments where he does things without thinking. This is shown more when his emotions are heightened, either for good or bad. The first scenario I can think of is when he finds the scroll, and his first instinct is to just immediately climb the bookshelf instead of just… looking for a ladder.
He also demonstrates this a few more times when he’s hanging out with Mark. He does the majority of the ritual without really thinking about his own well-being, brings the stone guards to life before Mark can even process anything, and his behavior in the first few minutes of the recent episode comes off as him not thinking much. He’s put off about being ordered to kill Mark, and isn’t thinking clearly.
Oh yeah also in the very first episode when he defends Alux from the guard!
Relationship Instability: Pretty much all his relationships have some form of risk, at least in Petro’s perspective. Becoming friends with anyone is already a risk of his identity. Pretty much all the relationships he has or had are risky for his safety or hostile. I don't have as much to say about this segment, the unstable connections he makes are made very clear by the series.
Dissociation and Avoidance: I’m putting these two together because I don’t have too much to say for either, and I can link them both together. The main example is at the end of EP16, where Petro’s eyes go blank. Other than that, there’s not many examples of him dissociating. The same can apply to avoidance, the best example is the most recent episode when it comes to Mark.
Heightened anger: Petro gets annoyed quickly. It’s a pretty notable part of his character. He faces almost everyone with annoyance, anger and irritation. Almost everytime something goes wrong in the slightest, he ends up irritated and frustrated (unless it’s the wisp). I don’t really need to explain this one a lot, he… he’s a pretty angry guy yeah.
NOW!! Before getting into all this, I also want to go over signs of psychological abuse.
- Helplessness.
- Hesitation to talk openly.
- Implausible stories.
- Anger without apparent cause.
- Sudden change in behavior.
- Emotionally upset or agitated.
- Unusual behavior
- Unexplained fear.
- Denial of a situation.
- Extremely withdrawn and non-communicative or non-responsive.
Now. Like. Most of this applies to him. Mainly in the recent episode when we see him at his most vulnerable.
Hesitation to talk openly, unexplained fear, unusual behavior, denial of a situation and helplessness are all traits that are very explicitly shown in EP16. He tries to dance around his mood change, and refuses to tell Mark anything. When Mark keeps pushing, he is incredibly hesitant and scared to talk about his life and what’s going on.
The helplessness kicks in the moment the Wisp begins messing with Petro’s head. Once that happens, he’s completely vulnerable to anything that happens. Everything that happens from that point forward is entirely out of his control. Near the end of it, he becomes unresponsive and withdrawn, as stated in the list.
The anger is like what I stated before. He’s just generally someone filled with anger, not gonna repeat myself.
Implausible stories could be seen as him just. Well. Generally being a liar. 😭
With all this said, there’s a lot of signs and symbolism of Petro and childhood trauma. I didn’t even mention that he explicitly mentions his mother dying in a fire. Considering she died when he was young, leaving him alone in an anti-magic kingdom… yeah.
I'm super curious to see how his relationship with the Wisp develops, and where his character will go. Anyways uhm yapyap yap Petro is for the trans fans with parental issues fr
I'm so sleepy thanks for reading gang
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I hsve an idea. Could u draw rose and ianto as besties
absOLUTELY I CAN
they’re chatting shit (lovingly) about their tall, long-coat-wearing, time-travelling, death-cheating, alien boyfriends who have spikey hair
#Jack is nursing 10s broken nose off screen from where Ianto decked him imo Ianto would not let 10s nonsense with Jack slide#jk Ianto would not punch him he would just make him instant coffee instead of The Ianto Special and then stew silently#doctor who#torchwood#torchwood fanart#rose tyler#dwmmm.ask#ianto jones#SORRY I DISAPPEARED FOR AGES EVERYONE IM BACK HELLO !!!!!!#apologies to all the people who have sent asks that are sitting in my inbox im getting to them soon!!!#also I’m working on a big cool colab which I’m v excited about >:)#this is meant to have the vibes of the school reunion scene with sarah jane and rose laughing at 10!!#Ianto would be besties with all of 10s companions actually#him and martha are already besties & him and donna would get on so well snarky secretary duo#him and rose would not only bond over stories about the 9/jack/rose tardis team but also over being estate kids !!!#him rose and martha hanging out being the only under 25s 🚶♂️#s1 Ianto is the type to still get IDed for redbull#maybe that’s why he really wears the suit so people stop thinking he’s a 16 year old#anyway I digress thank u for the ask I hope this appeases you I love this vision and also hate drawing roses hair it’s SO hard#killer side part#but I loved drawing this bc I love ianto and rose friendship#ps theye matching colours on purpose bc they’re bffs#also like ianto in the audios constantly makes friends with random side characters you can’t convince me this man isn’t extroverted at heart
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i will always shout praises of bi4bi but given recent discourse I feel the need to say that I love bi4het too! I just love bisexuality in general in its many forms, and anyone who only likes it when it's 'queer enough' for them is biphobic. Bisexuals should be able to bring their LaMe CiShEt BoYfRiEnD to pride without being made to feel like spectators and outsiders to their own event.
#3 am queer discourse take <3#anyways hot take number two. cishets do belong at pride. everyone who wants to celebrate queerness should be welcomed at pride#if a completely cishet business major fratboy wants to come to pride and vibe with us then he should be welcomed!#not even like. oh he has a queer sibling. no. if he's just a cishet dude who wants to spend his saturday at a parade then hell yeah#like completely ignoring that you have no way to tell he's definitively those things. it shouldn't matter regardless imo#pride is not a secretive club you need to be let into. it's a feeling and a celebration and a statement and a state of being#and whatever you want it to be#burying my other related hot take under the tags readmore ksdjksdjksdj#idk. i'm just tired of a lot of the things people seem to think about bisexuality's validity relating to bi women specifically#this is frustration with the gatekeepy and straight-passing discourse of it all#I'm tired of people being expected to act and to preform and to BE queer enough for others' opinions.#am I still welcome if I haven't been with a woman in a few years? if I dress boring? if I like m/f? if I don't listen to chappell roan?#joking on that last one but like. idk. never straight enough for the straights but never gay enough for the gays#constantly some mercurial in-between that offers no comfortable easy group to put us in.#what do i have to do to not be judged as a filthy hettie? are my doc martens enough for you yet?#like oh sorry let me cuff my jeans and have a bob and wear a button up over a cami and wear etsy earrings. am I visually bi enough yet?#let me apologize for the cardinal sin of liking men too. let me wash my hands of any time a cishet man has held them.#if it was a bisexual man then just hand sanitizer is fine right? where do you draw the line on my queerness?#let me preform for you in a way that makes me queer enough.#anyways. sarcasm aside. I think I've made my distaste for this whole affair evident#if you don't want cishets at pride then what happens to those you incorrectly deem as cishet? do I need to prove myself to you?#am I passing as straight? am I passing as gay? am I enough for onlookers?#is it not enough to just show up at pride and celebrate? anyone and everyone who wants to?
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Why the FUCK didn't Sasha apologize to Quinni.
#no im so pissed about that.#dude you don't give an autistic person a meltdown that big over something that hurtful#and just#walk away scot free#last time someone gave me a meltdown that hardcore I cut them off for a month.#that might just be the bpd tho#but still#quinni doesn't seem like the type to just. be chill without an apology and hearing sasha explain herself#and then she makes her her vice??????????#she already acknowledged sasha is only in it for the power trip#sasha didn't even do anything in the investigation she just followed quinni around#which as she should#but she hasn't made up for how she treated quinni AT ALL#in fact she's just gotten MORE of a performative activist#like why the fuck was she such a bitch to missy abt spider#i get it yea. ur friends sometimes have dogshit taste in men but you don't need to make them feel like trash abt it#and the way she was like 'he fetishizes u for being black omg its probably asian girls next omg i dont feel safe'#THIS ISNT ABOUT YOU????????.#also she 100% jumpstarted quinnis identity crisis#with how she was constantly switching between infantilizing her and undermining her autonomy over her own decisions#and treating doing things quinni wanted to do and the specific way she needed to do them as a chore#and then victimizing herself!!!!!!!#like from experience that relationship dynamic IS abusive to autistic people it just is#idk if nt people get it but it's really fucking awful to come from your partner#anyway. until sasha apologizes to both quinni and missy this will continue to be a sasha hate page.#heartbreak high#heartbreak high season 2#quinni gallagher jones#sasha so#missy beckett
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MIKE BLOCKED ME ON TWITTER FOR ROASTING HIS DUMBASS RESPONSE TO THE GRAPHIC NOVEL STUFF!!
grown ass man scared of the 19-year-old queer being mean to him over his public meltdown more at 8.
#ramblez#little white boy sad? U sad bc nobody likes you? Bc u constantly make a fool of urself and show off ur distaste for ur fans? lmao#this is one of the greatest things to ever happen to me imagine how mad he'll be when he finds out the fangame Im making has queers in it#hes gonna have a whole other white boy meltdown on main KJSNFDGKJHFGKJHGKJHSDFGSD#hes so fucking sensitive maybe just get off of social media Mike this never ends well for you#batim#batdr#bendy and the ink machine#bendy and the dark revival#and look Im joking around about this but it really is sad that the bendy devs cant handle this kind of critique towards their decisions#it seems despite the backlash once again they are choosing to ignore their fans which is yknow upsetting#But hey ig if the devs being awful was a dealbreaker for this fandom I wouldve left a long time ago and I havent#dw Im not going anywhere <3#also if anyone else here was also criticizing Mike maybe check his acct to make sure ur not blocked now since apparently#old habits die hard and this is certainly a pattern with him KJHDSFKGJHSDKFGJHDFGSD#also look before anyone asks yes I was kinda mean to him over this but to put bluntly if hes gonna be this dismissive to his fans concerns#he deserves it. Theres this persistent attitude esp in bendy fanspaces of being defensive of the devs#and I dont know why they have been extremely horrible people every single chance they get#and its very hurtful to see how many people would rather tell me to be kinder to the people who broke the heart of a child me when they#dismissed any ideas of putting queers like me in their stories than to realize Mike n Meatly bring this bad attention to themselves#to put bluntly I dont owe them kindness not until they at least apologize for the shit they did which they still havent#mike hasnt even addressed his vent poem in the code of BATDR let alone the other shit he said n did#so no I will not be kind to him ever hope this helps!
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i dont wanna be a dick and act like i have no responsibility in this but after a point dont u think if all you ever say to ur friend is Omg you never make it out why dont you ever come out with us you bail all the time youre such a flake etc. dont u think that person (me) is like. not gonna feel so inclined to. be there
#like. yeah i was bad last semester i get it. and probably i shouldve tried at least once or twice to push thru#but i was so exhausted. and every time they would bring up hanging out it was on my longest days#and when i casually brought this up they were just like Well we have long days too. Okay!#and i love and miss these friends and i know for the most part. or at least think. theyre just teasing#i hate being seen as the flake like any time i do have to be like Oh i cant make that or Shit im sorry i have to bail#i try to offer an alternative???? and they never compromise on that. how is that fair like im not just outright rejecting u all the time#not to mention most of the time last semester it was always gonna be somewhere super easy for them to get home and far from me#im not like constantly holding this against them btw but i feel like they're holding it against me and i dont have any more apologies in me#anyway. that said. if theyre somewhere really expensive and far from me tn and i get out of work early#i. probably will not make it. lol! if theyd be willing to come a little closer to my place to one of the dives or some shit thatd be great#and like im not doing much today until class and work so really like. i WILL try. but i think they could sometimes not go for the most#expensive and inconvenient option as well. and these r all things ill say if it becomes like a problem problem or smth#but rn im not gonna be a dickhead and shit on their plans#but also! ok whatever im not gonna keep going on i just feel shitty im not 100% better from being sick and im just frustrated#about having to fuckign grovel over and over and over. i meant it the first few times now im just like#u could try not to be an asshole to me for five seconds too. like. i am very clearly not someone trying to secretly stop being friends#w yall. things happen#abby talks#and maybe this is an esp sore spot bc like ive certainly had some of you bail on me or be flaky or whatever before. and i didnt throw#a fucking fit to your face about it. probably bc it actually did feel more mean spirited sometimes#OK im sorry im not trying to make my friends sound evil and its mostly just the one and like im working on forgiving her for it cause it#was years ago but also like christ!
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hmm i think that if colorism or racism doesn’t directly affect and impact you then your opinion on how people should or shouldn’t accept apologies, how people react to being hurt, etc is not your place
#constantly having to defend someone you don’t know must be exhausting like i’m seeing some comments on posts luckily no one i follow idt and#they are reading very tone deaf and very ‘see look they apologized so everyone can get over this!!!’#everyone can decide for themselves how they feel and how they want to proceed moving forward#it doesn’t directly affect me so i know it’s not my place to tell anyone (i wouldn’t think this regardless) how to feel but i can be upset#for everyone who is hurting and be there for them
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#I'm broken#I was already broken but now I feel like I can't do anything#Ive done too much#and now I'm just a piece of shit who won't apologize to anyone upfront#Just crying in the tags pathetically waiting for anything to happen#I can't do this#I can't help people no matter how hard I try and it makes me feel like I have absolutely no purpose here#and It's taking too much of a toll to fail#I should just go to sleep and forget about everything#but sleep is for people who care about themselves#I do care about myself#but I care in a way that I need revenge on her#I loathe her and everything she's done to the people that tried to love her#she's pathetic and ugly and I don't see how anyone even tried to befriend her in the first place#and I feel especially bad for the people who succeeded#because she turned into a clingy parasite for everyone who talked to her#She never even had the courage to start a conversation with people and made each and every one of them feel like this shitbag didn't care#She just hurts and hurts and hurts until she comes crawling back to apologize only for her to clam up all over again#she's selfish and rude and pathetic in every awful way and I wish people would learn that about her#I feel sorry for her and everything that becomes of her shitty actions#but she never FUCKING learns and it ends up hurting everyone that was sorry enough to pity her with conversation#I wish she would just suck it all up and try to be a good fucking person for ONCE in her FUCKING life in a way that didn't make people want#to fucking#off themself just because they TALKED to her and she rudely FUCKED OFF TO NOWHERE#because at the end of the day#I say to myself#at the end of the day she tries her fucking best#BUT NOBODY SEEMS TO FUCKING SEE THAT SHE IS CONSTANTLY FUCKING TREMBLING AT THE MERE *THOUGHT* OF HAVING TO LIVE AS HERSELF#and I feel so bad for her#I feel bad for me I guess
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#day 4847362 of having to be the emotional pillar for people (which to be clear I’m perfectly happy to do) and help them work through their#problems and them being triggered by something going on in their personal life or someone looking at them wrong and taking it out on all of#us and forcing me to be the doormat and apologize for something I didn’t do#but meanwhile I can’t say that I’m triggered by the constant swearing and sex jokes and have to take an hour after social events to calm#down and stop panicking about the state of my own morality because that makes people feel bad#or better yet we turn my discomfort into a joke#(which I’m willing to admit I participate in because I’m not comfortable expressing my own discomfort)#two more days of this (in person) surely I can survive yes?#but I can’t help but feel like I’m constantly being taken advantage of because I’m so easygoing and so desperate for people to like me#anyway sorry rant over I’m just so exhausted and discouraged
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[witcherposting ahead—nb that this is all totally lighthearted and it's fine if you feel differently!]
anyway what i'd started to say before tumblr ate my post was that like. disclaimer that my approach to netflix witcher canon is that i fully reserve the right to cherrypick, because some of the changes they made were good but others were character assassination, and that obviously i get that if one isn't cherrypicking one does have to actually Grapple With Certain Things 🏔
but like. that said—the more 'Geralt Must Grovel for Weeks and Probably Scourge Himself, Look at What He Did to Poor Sad-Eyed Woobie Jaskier' fics i read the more i'm fucking grateful for the tiny handful where jaskier's just been like, yeah, i never bought that bullshit tbh, he was lashing out and he owes me an apology for sure but a single angry outburst does not in fact scupper an extremely well-established relationship of literally twenty years' standing in one fell swoop???
like i just. idk. imagine remembering that jaskier's a cheery irrepressible little shit and not actually as crushably low on self-esteem as all of us are. of course that would probably require *netflix* to have remembered that, so, you know, no actual shade to anyone who's been projecting that onto him! but just like. idk. they're obviously not siblings but they honestly do have that vibe in certain ways and it's just like. did you never say something overdramatic and shitty in the heat of a fight with yr sibling growing up and then after taking a bit of a breather just like. make a rueful face and apologize for yr respective roles in winding each other up and move tf on, without having, like, a whole extended OTT reparations process where you tell them repeatedly how perfect and sinless they are and how you know you're a miserable worm who doesn't remotely deserve their sunshiny presence in your life but would be so grateful if they could, possibly, somehow, see their way to forgiving you despite yr essential unworthiness—
#anyway. i think there are like. MAYBE like three of you reading this blog who give a shit abt this fandom‚ lol#so i'm mostly just talking out loud to myself here‚ which is fine‚ what's a perblog for if not that#but it's just like. yeah on the one hand you don't just get to yell at people without apologizing at all#on the other hand like. some relationships are strong and elastic enough that one (1) snip is not going to cut them#even a vicious one!#also like. jaskier DID handle that convo clumsily lbr. like. obviously geralt was not Justified but.#if i'd just had a vicious breakup and somebody came bumbling in making loud awkward small talk about it? jesus.#anyway. really ultimately this is just a 'have consumed much too much witcher fic and the Patterns are starting 2 irk me' thing#but it's just like. sometimes things are conflict between two imperfect people#and not a Good Woobie and a Sinful Meanie#anyway. time 2 go reread Sekrit Mutual's fic in which they actually keep in mind the fact that jaskier is a selfish gremlin#who despite himself really does love geralt and as a result is like. constantly torn between his nature and his urge to do right by geralt#but like. fundamentally he's a buffoon and a popinjay who yaps aggressively and then runs back behind geralt's legs#and joey batey leaning into his Soulful and Romantic side (that he does also have) doesn't actually erase that about him‚ nor should it!#anyway. this post is careening all over the place but i think it's just like. exactly the same weird terfish moral binary#that ppl have been talking abt with like. gender and kink and a whole range of things#where like. you always have Victims and Perpetrators#and so jaskier has to be like. the femme bottom victim which makes geralt the macho perpetrator totally undeserving of sympathy#and it's like. actually they're both imperfect people and neither one fits very well into their society's idea of what a man is#and what if we actually examined them as individuals rather than tropes and also remembered yennefer was fierce and interesting#and what if ciri weren't‚ like‚ a manhattan private school girl with her brows done while we were at it#getting a little overambitious with my wishlist there though i know
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so yesterday i had someone comment on a post i made on IG telling me how "offended" they were because i'd simply ended my post with the phrase "end the occupation and free palestine." so much of what they said was actually insane racist islamophobic bullshit and they managed to end their comment by calling all muslims terrorists and literally parroted the "they want to kill americans" fucking horseshit.
the person that made this comment was by someone i've literally known since grade school. i'm not close friends with them but i've gotten to know them over the years and never once thought they'd say anything like this. i actually thought it was a bot account for like a full minute.
i'm sadly not surprised at the rhetoric because that's where we are. we're right back to twenty years ago during the post 9/11 / war in iraq / war on terror fervor kicked off. i'm just. i had to fight this shit twenty years ago and here we are all over again, except this time with the added benefit of fucking social media.
if simply saying "free palestine" is so inflammatory for you, then that is your fucking problem to work through.
#this person commented a couple more times after i called them out on their racist remarks#including trying to pull the 'you support baby killers' bullshit#to which i said if you really condemn the murder of children#then by god you'd better be condemning israel who's been murdering them all fucking year. and last year. and every year.#and now this person has sent me multiple DMs trying to backtrack their fucking bullshit#and i haven't even read all of them because i don't have the energy for that. i just don't.#like until you retract your racist bullshit and apologize for it#then i am not giving you the time of day#i don't know you guys#i am not ready for this bullshit all over again; i mean i think all last week i was experiencing some trauma response to it#and by that i mean i dealt with this 20 years ago when i was in high school when i was one of maybe five out of 1500 that actively spoke ou#i don't remember any of my classmates ever saying anything to me; or if they did they certainly backed down if i challenged them on it#it came from the adults in my life – including teachers#when you're 15 years old and literally called a terrorist simply because you stand up and say 'hey this is a bad idea'#and when you are constantly bombarded with commentary about how all middle eastern people and all muslims are terrorists because ... ????#and when you are watching people get harassed and assaulted every single day simply because they *might* be arab because the government ...#... and the media said it was okay to do that#i don't know i guess i never realized it'd affected me until i started seeing the EXACT. SAME. RHETORIC. used *today*#and i'm just a white girl in montana like i can't even fathom the depths of pain this brings on POC who deal with this daily for years#it's just so devastating to see how quickly everyone has jumped on this 'let's kill all the muslims and arabs' train ALL OVER AGAIN#and seeing the horrifying responses by governments to shut down any pro-palestine speech or detain anyone who fucking looks palestinian#like this is just so so so so so so so so so so so so so bad#AND I'M ANGRY AND TIRED AND I NEED TO FUCKING SCREAM AND I'D LIKE TO SCREAM AT BIDEN FOR SUPPORTING GENOCIDE#sorry this is such a personal dump#i just needed to get it out there for my mental health ahahaha man i don't even know#i've already lost two close friends because they were upset that a palestinian on the news didn't condemn hamas in the way they wanted#like they're literally only qualifying palestinians by how they condemn others and not listening to what they're trying to fucking tell you#which is that the occupation and forced displacement of palestinian people is the root cause
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