#and maybe that isn’t true but wow my brain cannot even consider that as an option rn

[ros-aline]

feeling very unwell in my brain today unfortunately

[sobdasha]

every time i rewatch the reboot and i get to the Kana ep

I go "I need to write down my Kana Thoughts for posting" for the posterity of me and then it doesn't happen.

IDK which number try I am on but maybe it is a charm!!!

–

I feel like, way back in the day, I was not alone in being in Ayame's camp about Kana. Like, good for her or whatever, but a bit rude to go off and have a happy, healthy marriage with some far-removed-from-the-Souma man. A bit rude to let your guilt eat you alive and then recover once Hatori is no longer in your life, and walk off and leave him to stick it out alone with all the memories and the sadness.

(And then Mayuko appeared on the horizon and I stopped caring very much about the tragedy of Kana and Hatori, both of them are clearly destined to live their best lives with other people good for both of them!!!)

Anyway I feel like there were some fundamental assumptions I had going there that were not quite on point, and I have at length since reexamined things and found more complicated nuance and every time I watch the dub reboot I start to consider yet more nuances. And writing them down means I stop composing the same mental posts of meta all the time, so that frees up a little brain space, and also future!me will have things to read to be like "wow past!me so smart" or "wow past!me missed that point so hard."

1) Mental illness hard

I think I was just not tired enough back in the day, and had less life experience. I believe I was either all on board for "Kana destroys any further support she could have provided for Hatori by being consumed with guilt over the fact that she did protect Hatori from injury, for the TRAGEDY", or else it was "Kana should realize that this is counterproductive, focus on what she can do and better to have loved and lost, and recover."

This is Fruits Basket. It isn't dramatic for the sake of cheap drama, it is dramatic because it's genuine and feelings that seem stupid and nonsensical are in fact sharply distressing and overwhelming and can drown you. Therefore, I have to take it in good faith that if Kana simply cannot recover while she's with Hatori, if Kana's depression and trauma are crushing her, then that is in fact literally the case. Whether Kana was already struggling with things, or whether this whole incident was on its own too much, it's still valid.

If Kana can't cope, then Kana would never have been able to cope no matter how much she could have "tried harder."

It's not her fault. And like everyone, Kana deserves to be able to live and thrive in an environment where she is not constantly distressed, constantly feeling guilty/being made to feel guilty over things that are outside of her control, constantly unable to get away from things that trigger obsessive thought spirals, constantly not getting the support she needs in order to be able to take care of herself, let alone Hatori.

Remember: the number 1 rule of helping people is to absolutely not let them drown you. Sometimes you gotta leave them and come back later when you can get a flotation device or something, even if it looks almost identical to leaving them to drown. Choosing to prioritize yourself by swimming away to get the help you need is not the same thing as having a huge and ridiculously empty lifeboat(s) but refusing to let anyone else in it (the latter being capitalist hellscape: a metaphor). It sucks but it's true.

(And Hatori is first in line in the "I don't blame Kana for needing this and for putting her own health and well-being first" camp.)

2) Kana: "Zero regrets." Akito: *injures Hatori's eye* Kana: "1 regret."

I believe Tokyopop's line was "It would have been better if we had never met." The typical implication inferred from that being, I believe, "I regret that I met you."

Went and grabbed the volume now to look at the themes….early in the relationship Kana talks about how Hatori must have been scared, of course he'd distance himself from someone he loved, but there's no need to be scared, don't push me away, I'm happy I met you, I want to be near you. So it's very much feels like an about-face when it ends with Kana saying "I think it would have been better if we had never met," even with things like "I'm sorry I couldn't protect you" sprinkled in.

The reboot dub has different nuances to me. I believe the line is more like "This wouldn't have happened if we had never met." The typical implication inferred from that being, I believe, "I regret that you got hurt because we were together."

And I think that distinction is very important for not feeling betrayed by Kana leaving and moving on, for not feeling that Kana didn't put much effort in really. "I'd never regret meeting you" to "I definitely regret meeting you" is a bad look here. "I'd never regret our relationship" to "I regret that our relationship hurt you" is a very different flavor. And the latter is certainly implied in the manga too it's just that the lines, without context, tend to have harsher default implications.

I also feel like "I want to be near you" is half an argument, arguing back against the idea that Kana does not in fact want this. Yes it references back to Hatori keeping his distance because he's afraid of the curse being discovered, but I feel like the emphasis on want has me always read it as Kana repudiating an off-screen earlier comment by Hatori that of course no one wants to be near him he is cursed and a monster and turns into a seahorse. The answer to that being, too bad you're not actually unlovable I actually do want to be near you.

I believe the reboot dub line was, simply, "I want to be with you" or something like that, with no particular emphasis on want. So the import of the sentence to me falls on To Be With You. Look I'll flesh out better what I'm trying to get at here in the next section, eventually:

3) Y'all I'm not sure Kana was actually let go from her job???

I have, in the past, been guilty of thinking that Kana ought to stick things out the way Hatori clearly stuck things out.

I have, in more recent years, realized that this is probably not a sticking-it-out kind of situation.

I mean, let's say section 1 was not an issue. AU where Kana magically gets cured of her depression after waiting it out long enough, somehow, even though that makes no sense because environmental factors are still at play. Actually that's what this section is about. Environment.

Let's have an analogy. A hypothetical you has a house plant that has thrived for a good long time, seemingly with no special effort, and you put it in a pitch black room, and it struggles for a while and dies. What the hell, the analogy!you says, somehow not knowing why this happened and thus feeling very righteously indignant. This plant has always thrived so well before and now it just gave up and died on me for no reason at all??? Oh yeah it has "problems" well how can it have "problems" now when it's never had "problems" before??? The thing this analogy!you has failed to understand is that plants need sun to grow (also needing sun to grow is not a "problem" it is not a "design flaw" and it is certainly not a sudden new occurrence), you deliberately placed the plant in an environment where you deprived it of sun, and then you blamed it for dying when you were the one who refused to give it the sun you had always given it before that had allowed it to thrive.

(This is also an analogy about ableism, if you were wondering about the sudden fervent passion there. An analogy about internalized ableism and support and capitalist hellscapes. I am, in fact, bitter. Thank you for noticing :)

Actually before I get to my point I want to collect together a sketch of Hatori and Kana's relationship based on the very blurry reference image that is canon, because otherwise I don't remember these things and can't keep them in place long enough to connect any dots:

Hatori and Kana's entire relationship is the span of about 1 year. Per the collector's timeline they meet in "winter," and ask to get married the following "fall-winter", and Kana leaves the Souma later that same winter.

They are probably just out of college, Hatori should be like 22-23 which I can assure you, from 30+ years, means they are babies. Looking back at my own life experience I can tell you in hindsight that it is definitely true that your brain does not finish developing until closer to 25 and sure "puberty" kind of peters out by the end of high school but from about 17 to 25 was an absolutely horrific brain puberty of idk mental illness??? It wasn't exactly the autism, that's always been steady, but the "anxiety disorder that picked up speed until I would have guaranteed multiple panic attacks a day every day with palpitations, vision blurring, extremities going numb, vertigo, disordered breathing, terror, and the absolute urgent conviction that I would throw up right there all over the customer's groceries and knowing I would get yelled at for running away and disappearing in the bathroom in the middle of an order since I never did in fact throw up so let's hope this time isn't the time it happens!, all while holding down a 40 hour constant-customer-service job" waxed to a terrible peak (let's see actually when we got the car I was 22 and I remember it was bad but hadn't fully crested yet at that time) and waned in that time and has since stopped existing somewhere past about 25. I can still technically have panic attacks but no longer have a separate panic disorder, and the fact that it was temporary plus the timing makes me think it was the brain equivalent of your knees hurting because you got tall. The point being, Hatori and Kana are old enough that people go "ah yes they are adults" but they are actually they are children whose prefrontal cortexes or whatever are still disasters. The point being Kana is a precious early-20s baby whose brain and body betrayed her horribly.

Hatori hasn't had an assistant in the years since, so I'm not sure if he asked for an assistant and was given Kana (and after was like "welp never doing that again, I can manage on my own somehow"), or if someone in Kana's immediately family was like "the job market is hard, please nepotism" and convinced Akito to magnanimously bestow the position upon Kana even though it wasn't necessary. That's probably not relevant. What is relevant is that after a certain point Kana starts laying out Hatori's clothes for him to wear in the morning because Hatori, a man after my own heart, hates making outfits to get dressed in the morning and thinks a suit is an all-purpose adult uniform so as to make the process easier and even then would rather someone just picked out his clothes for him. This means that they are either having "sleepovers" on the regular or Kana has fully moved into Hatori's place.

I think I started questioning whether Kana got fired from her job or not upon Akito vetoing the engagement because the reboot places her in Hatori's office for the line about no matter what Hatori said or did Kana did nothing but cry. Why that specific setting, rather than, say, the atmospherically dark and barren room that Mayu later visits Kana in? Is it because Hatori is a doctor and he is trying to treat Kana's illness? Is this simply before Kana stops being able to get out of bed? Did Akito say a huge fuck-you to Kana by informing her in no uncertain terms that Kana has no future with Hatori and must keep her hands off Hatori, but still must show up to work every day instead of being instantly banished? I assume Kana was originally "outside" family, but the room Mayuko visits Kana in seems to be "inside" still since Shigure had to sneak her in.

Which makes me suspect that Akito kept Kana close to really make a point before ultimately driving Kana away, instead of sending Kana away immediately.

Back to environment after that very long tangent. If this is the case, that's a really horrible bullshit situation. That is not a stick-it-out situation.

Every day, wake up in the room that was previously your room, instead of in your boyfriend's room which has been yours for many months. Have you had enough spoons to start moving your things back into your place? Existing is hard, now you are crying again. Get up and go to work, where it's just you and the man you love, the man you still love, the man you have been told in no uncertain terms that you have no future with. You will never get married. The head of the family will never sanction your marriage and the man you love will never marry you without that approval. The man you love will never leave this family. (Hatori has probably been honest and open about that, because it is True.) Feel guilty that you fucked up, that because you love this man and you want to be with him his eye is permanently injured and you both have to live with the knowledge that you can never be together. Feel guilty that you should have seen this coming (there was a reason you didn't openly admit you were in a relationship until you actually asked for permission to marry). Blame yourself, because who else is there to blame? It's not Hatori's fault, you know that, Hatori is the victim here. Hatori says he doesn't blame you, but Hatori also doesn't blame Akito, the person who is tormenting the two of you and who physically hurt Hatori. Hatori literally agrees that Akito is justified and that Hatori knew he was betraying Akito by being in a relationship with you. And Akito openly blames you at length. Based on all evidence you can see, based on the abusive environment you are in, it is clear to you that you are in fact to blame for everything that happened to the two of you. You thought you were making Hatori's life better, you thought the two of you would be happy, but that is clearly not the case and you certainly can't undo it all or make things better now.

There is no light at the end of this tunnel. Things will never get better with time. Akito's mind will not be changed. Hatori's mind will not be changed.

(That leaves Kana. She can either bend—change, accept the end of this relationship, leave—or she can break. She does both, but in reverse order.)

This is not like Yuki, sticking things out until he meets Tohru, until he meets Kakeru, and his world opens up and his mom relents on controlling his future. He had no guarantee the light was there, but he decided it might be and walked for long enough to find it.

This is like Kyouko, trying to stick it out to stay with Tohru but unable to overcome blunt force trauma and blood loss. This is like Kyou, who says the worst thing he can think of to prevent Tohru from confessing she loves him, because he knows they can never be happy together because he will be locked in a shed on the Souma property until he dies and Tohru will not be allowed to step foot on the estate. These are not situations you can wait out.

(This is also like Tohru, who does want Kyou to do what makes him happy because she loves him as a person, who knows she can be okay with Kyou loving someone else because she genuinely wants that for him. But not right now, right now she is not at all okay, right now she is recovering from a head injury and she's only a teenager and she hasn't processed and she can't just stop feeling her feelings no matter how much she tries to repress them and she can't cope and she cries every time she hears Kyou's name even though she knows this isn't the end of her life and her happiness. Being able to be okay in the future is not at all the same as being okay now.)

"I want to be with you," Kana said. But she can show up to Hatori's office every single day for the rest of her life and she will never, ever be with him. Being in the same room is not, in fact, the same thing as being with him.

I think the despair and depression eventually would have gotten to Hatori as well. I think it is a matter of Hatori simply being a different person, as well as having different life expectations. Kana has, presumably, always expected to marry a man she was wildly in love with and have a family. Hatori has, presumably, always been told that he will become a doctor, have a perfunctory marriage and a perfunctory child if Akito approves. (Hatori was the first one to tell Akito he was seeing someone, so until that incident they were all unaware that Akito was not actually going to let any Zodiacs marry anyone.)

For Hatori, falling in love with Kana was an unexpected surprise and Akito ripping them apart was a sudden-but-inevitable-betrayal and a return to the status quo. For Kana, falling in love with Hatori was exactly as expected and Akito ripping them apart came out of nowhere with no logic and was not something she would ever have predicted or been able to see coming.

So while it was still also traumatic for Hatori, I think it affected him differently. I think it was a thing he could more readily cope with, at the time. And once he made the decision to suppress Kana's memories, Hatori suddenly saw the light at the end of the tunnel. This was the only way out for both of them. His life would be the same as he'd always expected, and now Kana's life would be again, too. She wouldn't be heartsick anymore over her destroyed relationship with Hatori; at worst, she'd have the idea of an unreciprocated crush, a fantasy that never panned out (not a reality that turned out to be unsustainable), disappointing but still status quo. She would leave this godawful family and go out of town. She would have the opportunity to meet someone else under circumstances where she could be happy.

So even though it broke his heart to do it, I think Hatori didn't feel trapped as soon as suppressing Kana's memories became a real option. Life is so much easier to bear when you have the option of an escape route. No matter what the situation is, if you're trapped and you have no options it's absolutely intolerable and you're consumed with how horrible and intolerable it is and how much you want to get out but you can't get out and every day it's harder to breath and you can't look ahead at all because you have no hope of things ever changing. It's Kana getting set free that allows Hatori to cope with a future where he has no prospect of a happy marriage, that allows Hatori to cherish his memories of his relationship with Kana instead of being hurt by them.

I think if the possibility of Kana getting her memories suppressed and sent away had not been on the table, sooner or later Hatori would have fallen prey to his own despair-spiral.

Anyway...I can't remember if I had any more thoughts to elaborate on...this has been a very long post to say "it's important to remember that life sucks".

--

Welp after that wall of Sad Kana Hours I think I'm going to want ready access to previous shenanigans!Kana posts:

shenanigans!Kana toasts her former boss hot doctor at his wedding to her bff

shenanigans!Kana and Momiji are amazing I love them

[literaphobe]

season one of she-ra rated by catradora content

the sword part 1: right off the bat we find out just what adora’s all about. she’s a so called goody two shoes but she’ll lie to authority to protect catra.... ok lesbian lmao. but then we meet catra and she’s like “hey adora ;) how’s it hanging?” and we get it. we completely get it. oh my god. everything from the way catra talks to the way she laughs. adora never stood a chance :( we get a classic locker room flirting scene where catra teases adora and adora pretends she’s above all that only to be like hey cat gf is that a MOUSE which is very rude :( don’t scare ur cat gf or she will become evil :( oh wait. anyway.... their flirting gets cut short because homophobia walks in and separates them :/ before that tho she praises adora. adora who loves her gf so much ignores shadow weaver’s praise and says “catra did so good tho <3” and puts her arm around catra which pisses off the only homophobe in etheria. adora doesn’t really want to follow shadow weaver because she just wants to be with catra, and she even argues with shadow weaver about bringing catra onto the field with her. but she loses the argument because shadow weaver fucking sucks and has no idea how to be chill :/ catra finds adora after that and greets adora the way all gals greet their pals. by... pouncing on her waist. ok lol. catra is so proud of her gf getting promoted and says baby i love you <3 baby when are we leaving <3 except adora says catra’s not allowed to come :( so cat gf gets sad and runs to the roof. in response, adora gets a literal Grappling Hook to chase after her. adora doesn’t want her gf to be sad so she steals a skiff and they go on a date <3 but they’re so obsessed with control and play fighting with each other that adora falls off the skiff and finds out she’s like. god with a sword. i mean she-ra. uh, so adora fake wakes up in a dream and is like catra? :( because catra is the only thing she ever looks for when she wakes up (yes i am clowning. of course i know catra was the only person she was with but shhhh), and then she wakes up for real and catra is straddling her waist, which... ok. catra worries about her gf maybe being brain damaged so they cut their date short and go back to the fright zone. they go to sleep, and have their nightly sleepover, which means they sleep in the same bed :) even tho catra’s own bed is already on top of adora’s :) superb :) anyway adora dreams about her lesbian sword and wakes up scared. she smiles when she sees catra sleeping soundly in her bed however because uwu cat gf go zzzzz. adora gets out of bed which catra IMMEDIATELY senses because she opens her eyes right after and follows adora. because uh.... their friendship is just that lit and strong. catra is worried and wants to follow her gf to find this cool lesbian sword she keeps talking about, but adora makes perhaps one of the worst calls ever and tells catra to stay behind because she doesn’t want to get catra in trouble :( which is like, she has good intentions and all, but you should always bring your gymnast cat gf along when u look for sick ass gay swords. adora would know that if she wasn’t raised by the literal embodiment of gay oppression. oh well. guess they’re gonna have to fight each other for five seasons to figure it out. 9.5/10 because we got so much content all literally in the first ep. it’s like hey look they’re in love and they’re girlfriends who touch each other way too much. and we’re like noelle that’s really cool! will we get more gf content? and noelle said yes but also you’ve got a big storm coming! and it’s going to kill you!

the sword part 2: against adora’s wishes, catra gets in trouble for adora’s departure, and this makes catra sad bc where did her gf go? :( shadow weaver accuses catra of knowing where adora is because despite her raging homophobia she still knows that adora wouldn’t go anywhere without telling catra. and she’s right but just because she’s right doesn’t mean i have to like her. anyway... catra gets sent to bring adora back to the fright zone, and even tho shadow weaver threatens her in scary horrid ways catra is only happy to see adora again and once again pins her to the ground with her knees on adora’s.... yea........ and she’s happy bc she has a tank :) good for u catra we all love and cherish you <3333 anyway catra makes fun of adora because she thought adora got captured which... technically true but also not but also! catra sees a flower in adora’s hair which she takes to mean that adora cheated on her :( wtf :( and adora says no baby :( no i didn’t cheat on u :( and catra is like. ok fine. let’s go back to the horde. and adora says baby we can’t go back to the horde :( did u know that they were evil? im woke now. come be woke with me. and catra is like. wait. u just realized the horde sucks? did you not see shadow weaver electrocute me. did you think she did that for gay rights? and adora is like catra baby i didn’t mean it like that :( but it’s too late. it’s all very upsetting and i don’t wanna get into it. essentially catra thinks she can escape shadow weaver’s abuse by fighting the horde from within but adora thinks she can escape shadow weaver’s abuse and the horde’s evil by literally escaping the horde. u can see where both of them are coming from and that’s why it’s so sad :( it’s so fucking sad y’all :( they do their whole. come with me vs stay with me thing,,, and it doesn’t work out. duh it’s like ep 2 why would it work out. catra finds out that adora can use her lesbian sword to turn into a taller lesbian and instead of giving into her gayness and marrying adora right away her internalized homophobia makes her run away :( she thought adora doesn’t care about her anymore because she has new friends and can turn into a giant sword lady :( and it’s all very sad :( 8.5/10

razz: adora’s having trouble turning into she-ra. no one asked, but based on this whole show, it’s because she just broke up with catra and that hit hard :( it’s pretty hard to turn into ur superhero alter ego when you’re yearning. back at the horde, catra is also yearning. she is bitter because everyone is raving about how lit she-ra is and catra is like yeah she-ra is sexy but can we have a discussion about how she-ra breaks your heart. how she-ra makes you cry. how she-ra abandons you for new friends and doesn’t want to be your gf anymore? have we considered that? and everyone is confused because why does catra seem like she knows she-ra so well. didn’t you just meet her catra? and even tho catra is a bitter ex who’s angry and wants revenge she’s still like. in love with adora and wants to protect her. so she acts cool and doesn’t tell anyone that adora is she-ra. even tho lonnie tells catra not to be so feral because “adora’s not here to protect you anymore” catra still wants to protect adora. okay. yes the thought of that does make me wanna cry. what about it. catra goes and lies on their shared adora’s bed. and she sees the teeny drawing of catra and adora on the bed frame. it reminds catra of the break up and she scratches adora’s picture. she regrets it like instantly and starts destroying the bed. and she cries. she like cries real tears what the FUCK. and then SHADOW WEAVER WALKS IN?? rude much?? can’t a girl get some privacy as she mourns a break up with a girl she’s been in love with her whole life but technically never dated for real? 9/10

flowers for she-ra: adora realizes that it’s a pretty bad idea to break up with your girlfriend when you spent your whole life sleeping in the same room/same bed as her and she comes to the Very Shocking realization that she gasp! cannot sleep without catra! wow who would have thought! so she immediately goes on a search for a sleeping partner rebound... who is glimmer (sorry glimmer it’s her first time not having her gf) and she even sleeps at glimmer’s feet the way we saw catra sleep at adora’s feet. really makes you wonder if catra and adora take turns doing that? sleeping at each other’s feet because their internalized homophobia (thanks a lot shadow bitch) prevented them from going a step further and sleeping in each other’s arms... oh well. meanwhile, catra is gloating about being force captain, but she’s also Still protecting adora’s identity as she-ra. and apparently, drawing pictures of she-ra? that she hid from shadow weaver? is that what happened? i can’t tell if she drew that picture or not but the way it looks from the scene she Definitely drew that picture! hello????? anyway, catra’s still crying to anyone that has ears about how her gf dumped her, when really it was kind of a mutual break up that was entirely shadow weaver’s fault even tho she wasn’t there. sigh. i’m bringing this up to a 7/10 because of “it’s just a phase! she’s confused, i’ll bring her back, i swear :(“

the sea gate: “i’ve got something more important to do” and here we see the start of catra literally abandoning all other duties because she would rather go flirt with her enemy gf... she literally hopped onto she-ra’s sword.... she insult her gf....... she brag to her gf about achievement.... but she also want her gf back :( adora refuses to go back to the land of oppression tho so they get into a. really suggestive fight. and catra always makes adora leaving the horde out to be adora leaving her.... she’s like babe i am literally so sexy. why would you dump me :( i’m hot :( and she’s right but i hate them. can y’all just like. not be so gay? :/ it’s starting to make me a lil bit homophobic tbh! and catra whispers into adora’s ear but it’s kind of like an insult so she gets water slapped and is forced to stop flirting :( boooo 8.5/10

system failure: hm. catra wasn’t in this ep? damn :( it’s a great ep but it’s pretty hard to find any catradora if adora is delirious the whole time and catra isn’t there. but! drunk/high adora existing gives us an idea of what she would be like around catra. 1/10 for the potential

in the shadows of mystacor: catra’s face when she sees adora in shadow weaver’s spy cam thing... interesting. she also acts like she’s So Sick of the adora missions which is true but also she is lying. kind of annoying that shadow weaver would be like. homophobic. but when she’s messing with adora’s head in mystacor she uses catra’s voice and laugh to achieve maximum effect :/ which like. thanks? but catra wasn’t actually there so shadow weaver really full on gaybaited adora huh :/ adora eventually defeats shadow weaver and we finally see catra again uwu she ends up plotting to kidnap bow and glimmer but the line “if you want to take down adora, you have to go for the heart” is so interesting because we eventually find out just how much of adora’s heart is filled with catra... 4/10 on its own 6/10 if you let the heart comment ruin your life!

princess prom: ARE Y’ALL READY TO PARTY oh my god,,, this is it you guys. this is THE ep. so funny of adora to be like. i have so many plans for every single thing that might happen. i am GOING to spend the party getting princess frosta to join the rebellion. and then catra shows up and adora is like nvm. what if i followed catra wherever she went instead. which is very interesting! adora, sweet baby, why do you always assign yourself to fight/follow/chase catra? when according to her in future eps is actually a bad decision which we can infer from her saying stuff like catra knows my every move she will be able to take me down,, ok then stop hogging her all the time?? anyway. let’s get into things chronologically. “how dare those princesses pretend they’re better than you? just because you’re different? how dare they abandon people just because they don’t fit in with their perfect little lives? how DARE they take best friends and turn them into giant sword ladies who run off with people clearly inferior to you?!” catra.... u got sth to say there buddy? :/ u got something u wanna get off your chest? :/ u had us in the beginning but then you started to get really specific :/ what’s that about sweetie :/ catra’s coping mechanism for this is to put on a really hot suit and going to princess prom to seduce the shit outta adora? fucking genius. yes she also kidnapped two people but let’s focus on the ingenuity of catra’s plan to make adora hot and heavy and also somehow jealous the entire time. incredible. so, catra shows up at the prom with scorpia and adora immediately starts bickering with her about rules. she fails to get catra kicked out so she resolves to stalk her instead! and catra... oh catra... she puts on a whole show..... performing everything from popping a tiny cake into her mouth to circling around a pillar seductively and dropping a note into a bin that says hi adora >:3 with a drawing of catra’s face that she worked hard on!! and adora looks like a crazy stalker ex gf and everyone is like damn.... u ok? :/ but adora doesn’t have time to care too much aside from a little “haha i swear i’m not a weirdo!” look because her mind is just screaming CATRA CATRA CATRA and she finds catra creeping up to entrapta. but ofc catra’s not trying to push entrapta off the ledge! no! she’s using entrapta to make adora jealous :3 catra pulls entrapta close and says “she stole my food and then asked me to spy on people with her. is this what love feels like?” and it WORKS and adora has to pull entrapta aside and be all hey i know we’re not super close yet but the bro code kinda states that u don’t date ur friend’s ex :/ so could you please back off? and entrapta is like say what now? ur gf just ditched btw so adora goes running after catra again and surprise surprise! it’s time to dance! and there are romantic lights and music! and uh oh! everyone else has a partner except for catra! guess this means adora’s gotta dance with her ohhhhh noooooooo :/ “i don’t know about you.... but i am having a blast” i really don’t think catra was lying!! i am on the verge of passing out!! adora moving away from catra after saying “whatever it is you’re planning, it won’t work!” and catra, many dance partners later, slamming back into adora’s body to continue their conversation with “maybe my plan won’t work, but then again...” THE DIP!!!!!!! “maybe it already has...” oh my god you guys. what the fuck. like they get into an angry shove fight after this but the tension! the tension! and then adora LIFTS catra up in the air? real close? they get ice blocked by frosta after this, more specifically she traps adora because she shoved catra first djfjdjdjdjd,,, after telling glimmer to find bow catra grazes adora’s chin with her tail to remind her that she’s still here!! don’t neglect!! and catra says the iconic “it was fun distracting you though ;)” line that adora was clearly affected by because she memorizes it and says it back to catra..... years later. i CANNOT make any of this shit up. what the fuck y’all. the fact that these evaluations are so long bother me but i HAVE to call these hoes out!! moving on, adora runs after catra in a very dramatic chase/fight scene, and adora is very amped up on uh, hormones. she catches catra at a “dead end” and goes “hah! trapped >:)” which is such a stupid thing to say to ur cat gf who can jump very high, so catra says “you wish ;)” and it is just. everything they are saying sounds very suggestive okay why are they LIKE THIS anyway catra jumps up some floating ice and adora follows her up the floating ice because she’s gay and she will jump however much is required of her to chase her gf down ok!! and so adora and catra are now on some ice cliff where adora keeps lunging and they’re also kind of like dancing? and catra is being very ~smooth~ dodging all of adora’s strikes and hitting her in one move. that’s kind of cool but also don’t bully your gf :( come on catra :( not cool :( but adora doesn’t give up and they continue fighting, until one missed move from catra nearly sends her off the cliff. but adora thinks she’s hot and she’s in love with her so she’s like nooo catra don’t fall off this cliff ur so sexy aha and catches her by. the waist. not the hand! but by the waist. any normal person would’ve gone for the hand. factually speaking, catra’s hand is easier to reach than her waist. but adora’s a hoe. so, she grabs catra by the waist and pulls her in closer by grabbing! oh you guessed it! her chest! like she grabs her shirt but it’s the part of the shirt that was at the chest. what the fuck. they both get this look in their eye that makes it seem like they want to kiss each other???? hello????????? and like. very upsettingly we now know that they’ve always wanted to kiss each other so. that knowledge makes watching this scene even worse. they shouldn’t have become enemies if they were going to be this horny. they’re so distracted by each other’s lips that they forget they’re standing at the edge of a cliff and guess what! they fall off the cliff! what a twist! but adora is like i’m NOT going to die because i was distracted by catra’s lips, so she grabs her hair stick thing and stabs it into the ice cliff. she grabs catra by the hand to save her, not the waist this time, because holding catra’s hand is also gay so she might as well do it. too bad catra lets go of her hand and ditches her tho :( i would minus points for that except it wouldn’t make much of a difference. catra says “see you later, princess ;)” because she’s already expecting to see adora again.... good lord 4828473737373/10 thanks noelle! i died

no princess left behind: but i’m a buddhist so i’m back. we open with catra laughing so prettily looking at her gf’s lesbian sword. very cute. later on, when shadow weaver betrays catra and tells her to go pack her things because she’s not needed anymore... adora gives her this look? :( she looks like she feels bad because catra’s clearly still suffering under shadow weaver’s thumb. but let’s zero in on the most important part! catra dragging the sword and pointing it at adora, before turning it around and giving it to her. “this is NOT because i like you” ok catra i didn’t think that before but now i Absolutely believe that you did this because you like adora. and u can tell adora kind of is like. ready to start her whole “you can come with me! we can be together! :(“ thing but things are complicated and catra told her to Just Go so... it is a lot and we know things are deeper than just catra liking adora but we will get emo over that later. 9/10 that was a good fucking scene

the beacon: “she left me behind too, like i was nothing :(“ some people say this is catra manipulating entrapta, and they are correct, but also she’s like.. “oh adora left you too? mad kin :(“ she was deadass about to start a support group with entrapta and technically she kind of did! good for them <3 catra goes to look for first ones tech and adora goes to look for the beacon to learn how to heal and guess what happens! they’re looking for the same place! catra’s “on second thought... hey adora >;)” at the end pushes this up to an 8/10, but that’s just like the last five seconds of the ep so objectively the rest of the ep was like. 4/10 idk lmaoooo

promise: finally some good fucking food. catra follows adora into the beacon and has a little fun spying on her and enjoying her epic fails at getting information on she-ra. she also finds the first one tech she needs, because she’s a multitasker and she can spy on her gf while doing important missions <3 but also she gets caught and adora nearly kills her fksjdjd “hey watch it! >:(“ is so funny because catra??? u are trespassing???? but also uwu baby yeah don’t accidentally kill ur gf adora :( adora’s reaction is also very funny “catra? what are you doing here? :O” as if catra hasn’t shown up at 70% of the places adora has been, but the way she asks it’s like. adora is happy to see catra? pleasantly surprised? man she is whipped. anyway, adora tries to pull the Tough Girlfriend move and like, mildly scold catra for trespassing into a building where only one person (she-ra) is allowed to be in. but she still grabs catra’s hand and guides her to an escape path :’) she lifts up a giant door thing and waits until catra runs in to let go and run after her <3 chivalry isn’t dead after all <3 they get into a lover’s tiff as they run for their lives and essentially it’s like “babe wtf WHY are giant mutant spiders trying to kill us isn’t this ur house” “they’re trying to kill YOU this is why you ring the doorbell instead of running in secretly after i open the door!” “oh and how was i supposed to know that! why can’t you just tell your teenage mutant ninja spiders to chill out??” “they’re not house-trained babe :( i moved in two minutes ago they came with the apartment” anyway the angry spider monsters catch up to them so catra goes “adora? :(“ and that’s enough for adora to take Direct Action so she slashes the walls and ceiling of the room they’re in before grabbing catra to shield them both. she is NOT getting her deposit back but uwu anything to keep gf safe <3 adora transforms back to her usual body and she once again reminds catra that she’s Not Supposed To Be Here and she’s like “god now i have to like Protect You and it’s gonna put my life in danger :/ haha what are you gonna do for me in return tho ;)” and catra is like. “well good thing i didn’t ASK you to protect me” so adora is like :( —> >:( wait u know what??? ok u know what????? why are u here >:( how’d u find me?? >:( and do u mean any of this in a gay way?? >:( say it’s in a gay way right now >:( and catra is like. ur gay castle sent a gay beam of light into the sky. i saw it immediately bc im gay but i do NOT mean this in a gay way. and adora is like oh :( ok :’( and then asks about shadow weaver bc she saw what went down in the horde and she like. i think she can tell shadow weaver still exerts some form of control that catra hasn’t broken free from? :( and then catra is like haha shadow weaver is a LOSER and adora starts giving her Gay Looks and it makes catra scared because her gf now thinks she has a crush on her!!!!!!! how Embarrassing!! “ugh, i knew you’d be weird about me letting you escape” ok so why did you say that thing about not liking her? “i told you it’s not because i like you!” there it is! that’s EXACTLY what i thought you’d say you lesbian! and the way she says it??? she definitely likes adora???? she is so bad at lying?????? and adora is so smug about it like her Face plus her crossed arms and the whole “i mean, i didn’t ;) i didn’t say anything ;)” her eyes.... your honor she’s gay...... she’s like what if we were in my secret castle..... standing amongst the rubble because i destroyed the infrastructure to protect you..... and we were both girls....... adora was Ready to turn her sword into a Bed right then and there ok!!! it’s not me it’s Her Eyes,,, anyway catra starts being salty again and brings up bow and glimmer and is like hey where’s those idiots u dumped me for :/ thought you looooooved hanging out with them and doing everything with them :/ like we used to :/ are they not as fun to hang out with adora is that why you’re standing in this spider infested building with me instead :/ and adora suddenly remembers that she can’t just be horny and that she has to hold catra accountable for her actions so she’s like oh my friends? the ones who u kidnapped and held for ransom???? >:( and catra is like ya what other friends would i be talking about :/ like god i know she’s evil but she’s so funny take her back adora :( jk ik ur gonna start begging her to Come With You in like minutes u absolute simp. but before that happened catra was like fuck u lets Split Up >:( we already broke up why would we run away from spiders together huh? unless u still like me? but clearly there’s only one way for them to walk so they can’t split up just yet and adora gives catra this >:( look so catra is like FINE one last date and they walk away together. they go into this... dark room and catra wants to leave the dark room because she’s scared of ghosts :( jk but the door disappears and something scans catra and adora and light hope is like cool! time to show them memories that are specifically picked to make catra resent adora! which :( not cool light hope :( i get that ur a bot who’s programmed to serve the homophobic agenda but damn u were gay once too :( anyway they’re sent to a memory in the fright zone and adora gets Angry bc she thinks catra tricked her and catra is like i wouldn’t play u like that :( and she finds out it’s all fake so she’s like adora :D u don’t have to be scared or mad at me anymore! :D she goes to look for adora but adora’s watching a memory of them when they were six and being really cute. back when adora had the moral backbone of a chocolate eclair and only really cared about making catra happy and having her back. catra blinded octavia and insulted her and adora was still like: ur not bleeding ur bones aren’t broken and u picked a pointless fight with someone who did not provoke you in any way. where is she i will insult her some more. i love u. like damn adora really do be a ride or die girl huh!! she’s still like this but they both have too many issues to realize it :( anyway catra and adora slip into the catra and adora of their memories and begin running off together holding hands............ and then they Realize they’re running off together Holding Hands....... and catra pulls away because of her internalized homophobia :( devastating. they get into a tiny little fight over magic and kidnapping again and then adora’s face softens and she’s like catra :( why Did you let me escape :( i know i made fun of u for it before but i legit do not know if u meant it in a gay way. pls confirm? :( u could have gotten caught catra :( why did u risk it :( is it because you secretly want to run away with me and join the rebellion? :( and be my gf? :( she’s so caught up in her questions that she nearly falls off a cliff AGAIN and catra catches her by the hand because these girls are obsessed with almost falling off cliffs to their deaths and saving each other. don’t judge them their Intricate Rituals are THAT deep. and catra is like. did you really think. i would let shadow weaver erase your memory like that? and risk you forgetting our relationship? even towards the end when we were broken up and fighting each other it was kinda lit and i want u to remember it. and adora is an idiot so she’s like idk lmao probably aren’t u like evil now and catra is like well you have a point but also fuck u for thinking i don’t care about u,,, u never did have too much faith in me :( and adora is like can u blame me :( and catra is like ur hot so.... no. i will let my tail linger on your hand as a hint that i still love you. and then catra is like.... adora i know u said fuck horde rights but does that include our relationship :( u had good memories right :( of me? :( and adora is like um duh??? i miss you so goddamn much too oh my god and catra is like hey how dare you imply that i missed you even tho it’s true!!! get over urself! and adora is like not until you admit you like me ;) and they play fight again because the rituals are so intricate..... and catra lies and says she doesn’t like adora ok lmao... they enter the next memory and it’s catra and adora sparring and they’re competitive but it’s also flirty? catra pretends to be hurt to get adora to let her guard down but lonnie interferes and this causes adora to beat catra. which. yeah :( and after adora wins she does the good gf thing where she asks catra if she’s okay and catra’s not ok but she lies and hides away to cry :( and we get it babe we do!! it’s hard being in love with someone who you’re also resentful of because you’re raised in a competitive environment and always treated like you’re worthless in comparison :( but the simulation stops and catra is caught by one of the spiders and adora doesn’t manage to save her in time, grabbing her hand only to fail and have catra slip through her fingers :( they scream for each other but catra manages to get the upper hand on the spider monster, except adora charges in at the last second and delivers the final blow, further driving home the false point that light hope is trying to make :( adora just wants to protect catra but because of their upbringing catra sees it as adora always wanting to be the best and adora thinking she’s better than catra hence her telling catra what to do “all the time” which isn’t totally true but it’s what catra has been led to believe :( and also adora’s upbringing plays into it too because she thinks she has to save everyone and take responsibility for everything and it’s all just really sad bros :( what the fuck :( adora apologizes for leaving again and tries to convince catra she never meant to leave her and that she wants catra to come with her because she knows catra isn’t a bad person :( and you can see!! catra considering it!! but then precisely BECAUSE catra is considering it the memory simulation thing kicks in again and... hoo boy. we see catra and adora sneak into the black garnet chamber, after being cute and competitive and running around the horde swinging from wire to wire.... they get caught by shadow weaver and she specifically punishes only catra. and it’s so fucked because it puts adora in this position of guilt where she always feels like she has to protect adora whilst slowly brainwashing her over the years into believing that catra does do disobedient things and that adora can only escape that if she’s always perfect and taking charge of everything. and for catra.... it takes the mutually loving relationship they have and poisons it because shadow weaver makes it very clear that to her, catra’s only redeeming quality is that adora favors her? and if not for that she would be disposed of? and so it’s very hard for catra to find individuality and a healthy connection to adora which created unresolved resentment and issues and just... :( and the whole confrontation they have after the simulation ends... adora could never protect catra in the way she needed to be protected because adora was also a child, and receiving a different form of abuse, and it’s just. harder for catra to leave? especially because she didn’t receive a sudden destiny the way adora did and her issues with the horde were never limited to morality. and so catra is just. she has way too much to work through and she can’t see past her resentment for adora because the machine is making her remember all of it. and so she tells a half truth and half lie to adora about giving her the sword because she didn’t want adora to come back :( catra runs away from adora and is attacked by flashes of memory. and then she faces one last memory alone. and it’s the promise adora made to catra when they were kids, about always looking out for each other, and catra looks at kid!catra and thinks adora has broken that promise, still stinging from the hurt of adora leaving her behind after finding the sword and becoming she-ra. it was never meant to be like this but catra is hurting so she focuses only on her side of things and how she saw these events play out and she :( decides to kind of betray adora? it hurts So Much because adora looks so hopeful when she sees catra while hanging on for dear life, and she thinks catra will save her again but catra talks about how the sword won’t work for her because she’s never been the Special One like adora was always heralded to be in the horde. and having adora literally be she-ra just drives that point home for catra and she hates adora for it because this means all the other stuff she believes is true too. adora made her feel weak on purpose, adora made catra think she needed her on purpose. “every hero needs a sidekick, right?” and adora’s “catra, no, that’s not how it was!” hits even harder now because we know that adora just. loved catra. she was in love with her but adora was also like catra in that she’s a product of her circumstances and upbringing. she was the way she is as a means of survival. but the one thing there that was pure and true was that they loved each other.... upsettingly neither of them can see that. catra goes down even further into the path of evil and thinks that. being free of adora. is the thing that will liberate her and bring her happiness. which. she is wrong about. but she can’t exactly see all that clearly right now :( and adora begging catra not to “do this” which... means she’s begging her not to leave? “bye adora! i really am going to miss you” and adora’s desperation skyrockets but it’s too late :( catra doesn’t come back for her and adora cries.... and it’s just so insane that literally everyone who wants to control adora focuses on poisoning her bond with catra because that’s the relationship that... matters most to her in the world. when you’ve loved someone your whole life it hurts when they betray you and it hurts to betray them too, as we can see from catra when she arrives back at the horde. she essentially looks Wrecked and freezes up when scorpia calls her “the best friend ever!” but i want to make one quick note of her “personal space” talk with scorpia? like fjdjdjdjd you have never had personal space with adora not once in your life ok that’s reserved for the gf only i see. 10/10 i am so wrecked emotionally this is way too much but also because it makes me so emo i will give it a perfect score but nothing else. no bonus points because i do not want to reward putting me in pain!

light hope: light hope showing adora the memories that make her feel guilty and it’s the first scene where catra sees her as she-ra and walks away.... adora’s been feeling guilty over catra since the moment she failed at getting catra to leave the horde :( 3/10

the battle of bright moon: “catra will be leading the horde when they attack. i have to face her.” it’s so interesting how there’s so many pressing things at hand? the weather is screwy, the alliance is broken, no one’s coming to save them, the rebellion could be crushed, but the thing that is really bothering adora, the thing that she brings up first, is catra. “i saw catra in there. i thought i could get through to her, but all i did was push her farther to the side of evil” she sounds... so heartbroken about it all :( catra and adora meet on the battlefield and the first thing catra says is,,, u guessed it,,,, “hey adora.” and adora’s like “catra. surprised to see me?” and like damn they’re really so good at being enemies. the talent. the tension. impeccable. and then catra says nah i didn’t think u died and im glad u made it out alive. and adora, bless her soul, is like oh.... u mean in a gay way..... u didn’t want me to die..... for homosexual reasons?? and catra is like no! haha! i uh, i just wanted to kill u in a cooler much sexier way. and adora is like oh :( oh >:( oh >:’( and they get into a very heated sexy fight like catra wanted. and they taunt each other like. “i thOUgHt yOU weRe suPposED tO bE stRoNG” “aND i tHouGHt yOu wERe sUpPOsEd tO bE fAst” you know. very cool well crafted taunts. and like. they fight a lot which is kind of sad but also kind of sexy because their styles are like? similar and different? which is the dumbest way to compare any two things ever but like :( y’all get what i mean right :( we get one more Hanging Off A Cliff scene and this time adora grabs catra by the chest and shoves her against the wall, and catra is like cool! but u did this,, for what? and then adora realizes catra was just distracting her Again and bright moon is very badly under attack :( catra bids her adieu so adora can run back and fight. but she like. gets caught :( and catra walks up to her and gently caresses her cheek before adora passes out and it’s evil but it’s also tender? but it’s also evil i know i know :( all of the princesses come to help adora so she sends a beam of magic gay light and heals everything and then all the princesses send a gay tsunami washing over catra. the horde loses, and catra retreats in a skiff, but adora and catra exchange one more Look as she leaves... hm. 9/10

[k7l4d4]

Midnight Striga: Fairy Tail/Owl House Cross Fic Episode 6 Part 5

Hello all, and welcome back to another exciting rendition of Midnight Striga! Everybody Clap Your Hands!!

Eda grumbled, shifting her weight as she hunkered through the crowds, King prowling along beside her. She despised the Night Market, as it was basically a physical embodiment of justification for Bonehead’s rule; hard to stand up against the person who’s keeping you and your family safe from scummy criminals selling shady and dangerous stuff, even by the standards of the Isles!! She snorted. If only those same people knew that Bonehead’s goons were perfectly aware of the Night Market and could shut it down and round up its proprietors whenever they liked, and kept it around BECAUSE it was a convenient, tangible justification.

“Ugh! This place smells like failure and backstabbing.” King complained, warily scanning the surroundings, a spell prepped and ready to deploy at a moment’s notice.

Eda huffed. “Yeah, but if this ‘Grimm Hammer’ guy has Curse-Suppression potions, I can’t afford to stay away.” And didn’t it burn that she had to deal with scum like this for her health? She liked Morton, he was a good kid, but DAMN if his habit of testing his products, particularly the dangerous ones, on himself wasn’t grating at times like this. At least when he did it before he still had something in stock for her to use until he got back in shape.

King nodded solemnly, by his standards at any rate. He glanced around, idly taking note of the various comers and goers wandering the market, all doing their best to stay at least partially inconspicuous; it was probably pointless, considering just how unique and diverse appearances could get on the Isles, but at least they were putting in the effort. ‘I wonder if this is how Lilith got that curse.’ King wondered, his temper boiling at the thought of Eda’s sister stabbing her in the back like that. Aloud, he said, “You think this guy will try and screw us over?”

Eda laughed bitterly. “Oh absolutely! But,” She added with a feral grin, “If he does, we can always wreck the place.” She and King cheered at the thought of destroying private property.

With a snort, Eda glanced over the directions Mort had given her, comparing it to the shop before her. It wasn’t anything really special, just a stand aiming to draw the eye and lighten suckers’ wallets, but it had the signs of wear and tear you only got from long-term use and dedication. The owner was probably a scumbag, true, but they were a scumbag with pride in their business and property. Raising an eye at King, and getting a raised eyebrow in return, the two headed inside. A tall figure landed onto the ground in a crouch behind them.

Odalia marched down the halls, burying her worry under maternal fury. This was absolutely unacceptable!! She could not believe Amity was acting so disgracefully, cutting her off like that! With a huff, she finally crossed into the room, primed and ready to start shouting, heedless of the damage her outburst would do to her daughter’s social standing, only to blink in numb surprise at the sight of the humans, Amity’s guard notwithstanding, now in the room. “Um, Mittens? What is going on?” She asked as diplomatically as she could.

Amity sighed, and what proceeded was another rapid-fire round of introductions between the group and Odalia. Odalia’s eyes sharpened at several key points, namely that Neon was an heiress, and had been granted guards as a result of her magic, important details. “So,” Odalia drawled, a calculating gleam in her eyes, “You mentioned that you gave predictions, Miss Nostrade?” She stated more than asked; as annoyed as she was at Amity’s antics (and it was definitely annoyance, absolutely nothing more), this was admittedly an opportune moment to gain a better look into Human Magic, particularly in an area of overlap such as Oracle magic and predictions.

“Yeah, it sounds super interesting!” Selena piped up, engaging in the conversation. “I LOVE Oracle Magic, so seeing how Humans do it is like Oracle Magic times two!” She cheered, scooching close.

“Okay, if you really want!” Neon agreed, oblivious to the sudden tensing of her guards. She quickly pulled out a sheet of paper and a cat-themed pen. “I just need your names, date of birth, and your blood type!” She hummed, a blissful grin on her face. Odalia and Selena blinked, but both complied, much to the interest of the others, save Luz who’d seen what was coming in action before. The group reared back, startled at the deep blue aura that surged up around Neon, her normally bright and clear eyes fading and turning glassy, like a doll. Her hand pulled back, a winged thing manifesting around it, intoning “Lovely Ghostwriter.” In a blur, Neon rapidly inscribed a series of poems upon the paper, her hand blurring across the page that they couldn’t make out the actual words she was writing down. Suddenly, her hand stopped, a total of eight stanzas composed before her on two seperate sheets, which she promptly handed over to the correct recipient. “And there you go!” She beamed.

“Wow, what do they say?” Skara asked, powering through the confusion and shock that had come over her at the sight of Neon’s spell.

“No idea!” Neon blithely replied, causing all the Witches to blink in shock, save Odalia and Selena, who were busy going over their poems.

Luz snorted at their surprise. “Yeah, Neon’s magic is totally involuntary after the activation point. She has no clue what she writes, isn’t aware that she was even writing until after the fact, and is physically incapable of reading whatever prediction she gives.” Luz clarified, admittedly relishing the looks of confusion she got in response.

“How does that even work!?” Amity asked, utterly bewildered. It was completely outside any known form of Oracle Magic, and she couldn’t help but notice the blanching faces of her mother and Selena.

Neon gave a pout, trying not to feel insulted at the slight at her skills. “Predictions are for the people, not for the predictor!” She childishly stated, huffing in displeasure.

They turned to Luz, a look screaming for an explanation upon their faces. “Hey, it makes as much sense to me as it does for you all.” She lightly protested. Seeing they weren’t convinced, she ultimately relented, clarifying, “I’m not sure why it turned out like that, but Neon is completely self-taught, but no one has ever said she’s not good at what she does.” She fixed them with a strong stare, almost daring them to question her. “Neon’s predictions always cover the month of when she gives them, offering insight as to what will happen later, with advice being given for dangerous or difficult moments coming up, and clarity as to what led to events that have already happened. And Neon’s predictions are always perfectly accurate to boot.” She sat back, letting that sink in.

Willow was the first to recover. “B-But that goes outside any known example of Oracle Magic!” She stammered, shock coloring her eyes. “Even the best Oracles have some level of failure or inaccuracy!”

Luz shrugged. “I don’t know what to say, but that’s never really applied to Neon.” The girl in question merely beamed in pride at that, puffing out her chest.

“Neon is the greatest! Ohohohohoho!” She cheerfully laughed, pulling one hand to her mouth in a look of haughty delight, only for Luz to playfully chop her on the head. “Ouchie!”

“Please don’t strike my charge again, Miss Noceda.” Kurapika sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose, even as his fellow guards just snorted at the by-play between the two mages.

“Yeah, the lassy needs her brain intact, you know?” Basho called out, a cheerful smile on his face. He winced at the swift jab to his rib Baise gave him.

Baise snorted. “Maybe don’t insult our boss, idiot.” She drolly stated, arms crossed.

“I’ve honestly been wondering, but if you guys are guards for a mage, are you mages yourselves?” Gus asked, tone casual, if you discounted the notebook primed for writing held before him that is.

“Well, as a matter of fact, we are.” Kurapika cordially replied, showing the chains affixed to his hand, small steel rings linking a separate chain to each finger. “I myself employ Chain Magic, allowing me to manipulate and command my chains for a variety of effects.” He gave a mysterious grin. “Though, some of my best spells are unfortunately kept rather limited.”

“Huh, why is that?” Gus asked, furiously scrawling down the enigmatic blonde’s answer.

“Well, I won’t go into the specifics, but it is possible to augment one’s spells, particularly complex or unusual ones, by infusing them with limitations as to how and when you can use them, or giving them conditions as to when they can be activated.” Kurapika explained. “A solid example would be, say, creating a spell that would allow you to defeat a specific foe, and then altering the spell so it literally cannot be used on anyone but that foe. Doing so would make that spell all the more powerful and flexible to use, but only when it’s conditions are fulfilled.”

The Witches paused, staring in shock at Kurapika, whereas his fellow guards and Luz just looked at him in amusement. Luz shrugged. “He’s not wrong, but most mages don’t usually do that, unless their magic works best under specific circumstances to start with. It’s usually something found in more exotic forms of magic, or with people who are self-trained.” All the Witches carefully took note of that for later.

Willow cleared her throat. “And what about the rest of you?” She asked politely.

Tolico puffed out his chest, grinning. “Well my magic is almost ideal for bodyguard duties, and just for messing with people. Observe!” He cried, swinging his arm up, before clapping it against the ground. “Thankless Soldiers!” From the point of contact, a dark purple aura billowed up off the floor, flexing and morphing into the image of 12 dark figures in robes, standing at attention. “Now, you guys go outside and patrol the area, we don’t want any intruders, alright?” He stated, and the constructs moved out, silently and without issue.

“Wow! You can create soldiers to fight for you!?” Gus exclaimed, stars in his eyes.

“Yeah, but they’re fragile to any trained mage, can’t move very fast, and their only solid advantage is numbers.” Baise said, instantly taking the wind out of Tolico’s sails. Baise smirked at the pouting glare Tolico shot her. “As for myself�� my magic isn’t something kiddies like you should learn about until you’re older.” She stated, the aimless leer on her face sending nervous shivers down the group’s collective spine.

“HA! My Haiku Magic allows me to compose poetry, and gain effects based on those poems by sacrificing them!” Basho proudly stated, crushing a tablet of paper in his fist, causing it to erupt in flames, to the awe of the crowd.

“My magic isn’t really anything special,” Squala stated bashfully, rubbing his head. “I can manipulate and command dogs, but not a whole lot else.”

“And I can create effects by playing my flute.” Melody added in a soft tone. The Witches pondered that briefly, but accepted it, not every form of magic was going to be out there and radically different from what they knew.

“W-What is this!?” Odalia whispered, drawing the group’s attention to her and Selena, who were both shuddering over the predictions Neon had given them. She whipped around, wild eyes staring at Neon, who cocked her head in confusion. She marched over, oblivious to the stares her actions were garnering from the group, and the level glares of Neon’s bodyguards, all prepped to intercept her. “Are you certain this is accurate!?” She demanded, almost rabid fear in her eyes, waving her prediction in emphasis.

“Hmm?” Neon made a questioning noise, uncomprehending? “What do you mean? Neon’s predictions are always right!” She huffed, confused and annoyed at the idea of her predictions being wrong. Didn’t this old lady know anything!? Whatever was written would happen, completely true! Silly old lady! ...Why was she still getting closer?

With a scowl, Odalia drew level with the childish girl, her temper and fear mixing into a recklessness-inducing cocktail. “Now listen here!” Odalia hissed, reaching out towards the girl, oblivious to the mounting anger of her guards, as well as the fear flickering in Neon’s eyes. “Do you have any idea-”

“Miss Blight.” Luz called out sharply, drawing the woman’s attention. Glancing around, she blanched at the scene; her daughter’s guests were staring at her in a mix of fear and disgust, while Amity and the Park girl were glaring at her in a mixture of disappointment and rage. Her daughter’s guard, the human girl, Luz, was watching her with a carefully blank face, idly flipping a glowing knife in between her hands. The Neon girl’s guards were preparing to attack her, she noted with dread, and when she turned her gaze back to Neon, she finally noticed the way she was trembling, along with the faint tears in her eyes. Flushing, Odalia quickly pulled away. “Oh my dear, I am so sorry, child! I-I have no idea what came over me-” Odalia hastily explained, twitching slightly.

“Save it.” Luz said flatly, subtly moving in between Neon and Odalia, and also between Odalia and Neon’s guards. “Don’t worry, people have reacted a lot worse to Neon’s predictions in the past, they just usually aren’t in the same room as her when they do so. I would recommend heading back to your husband for the night.” She ‘suggested,’ idly cocking her head to the still upset group surrounding them.

Odalia flushed, but didn’t argue. “I believe you are correct in that respect.” She gave a shaky bow. “I bid you all a good evening, and I hope the Conjuring goes well.” And with that, Odalia beat a hasty retreat, mind swirling over what to tell Alador.

Skara cleared her throat, wanting to dispel the tension in the air. “Well then! Unless I’m wrong, the Moon should be in position for the conjuring to start!” She said, forcing a note of cheer into her voice. The Witches grumbled, still tense after Odalia’s little scene, but no one argued, wanting to move on from the uncomfortable moment. Amity sent a worried glance towards Neon, who quickly waved it off after noticing the attention.

“Oh, go have fun! I’m fine!” She said, a shaky grin on her face. With a scowl, Amity relented, heading over to the others. Amity, Cat, Amelia, and Selena formed a circle of four, while Gus, Willow, Bo, and Skara formed another, each surrounding one of Amity’s old dolls. As they started chanting, the guards, Neon, and Luz watched on.

Kurapika turned an inquiring gaze towards Luz. “Do you know what’s going on?” He asked, a note of genuine curiosity in his voice.

Luz snorted. “Apparently, this is supposed to be a Lunar Ritual that animates an object through the magical power of the Moon.” She explained flatly, her blank face showing how good of an idea she considered that.

Tolico stared, his dumbfounded expression mirrored by his fellow guards. “Are… they insane?” He croaked out, even as Neon cocked her head, not understanding.

“From what I’ve seen, the Isles has a very loose understanding of safety and wellbeing, beyond healthcare.” Luz replied, staring off into the distance. She leaned up against the wall. “Plus, from what I can tell, the Ritual is pretty minor stuff, and some cultural drift has more or less shot it in the foot.”

Kurapika raised an eyebrow, perplexed. “Hmm? What do you mean by that?” He asked.

Luz jerked a thumb at the ceiling, a smirk on her face. “The Ritual works by calling the power of the moon into the target through its Light, or at least that’s my understanding of how it works.” She gestured around. “Kind of hard to draw light into a target when all but a fraction of it ends up colliding with a building first.” Her smirk shifted into a thoughtful expression. “Although, it would probably be a different story if the house was possessed or merged with an animate existence; then the spell would probably just use the house itself as the target instead.”

Kurapika gave a wry grin. “I imagine you won’t be telling them until after they fail, correct?” He asked rhetorically, Luz’s mischievous laugh being all the confirmation he needed.

Luz, growing serious, sidled up next to Neon. “Hey, NeNe, you feeling okay?” She asked softly.

“Huh? Of course I am, LuLu!! She just got a little m-mad is all.” Neon said in what she must’ve thought was a reassuring tone of voice, a few alarms starting to go off in the heads of her guards.

Luz arched an eyebrow. “Oh? But you flinched when she reached for you.” She said, slowly sliding closer.

“T-That’s because I’m not used to people t-trying to hurt me ‘cause of my predictions!” Neon blustered, eyes shifting back and forth.

Luz eyes glistened. “Neon, show me your arm.” She said softly.

“Nono! I don’t wanna!” She cried, yanking away from Luz. Her guards glanced between themselves. Technically, they were required to do something, but if their and Luz’s suspicions were correct…

“NeNe, please. I can’t help if you don’t let me.” Luz said in as kind but as firm a voice as she could manage, gently trying to coax Neon close, worried she might scare her.

Hesitantly, fearful tears in her eyes, Neon allowed Luz to creep closer, and slowly pull back her sleeve. Luz did her best to keep from hissing at the sight. Neon’s arm was coated in bruises, blotchy and smeared, running the length of it, with a few looking as if they were cuts! Luz had a sinking feeling that Neon had many, MANY more all across her body. The tears flowing now, Luz glanced up to Neon’s sorrow-filled face, the image of burning rage branded across her guards’ faces in the background. “How long has this been going on?” She said softly, trying to keep Neon calm.

“S-Since *Hic!* m-my-y 11th birthday.” Neon confused, hiccups breaking up her words as tears started spilling out. “I-I d-don’t know-w w-why he *Hic!* keeps getting m-m-mad! I try to b-be a g-good-d girl, b-but he k-keeps getting angry!” Neon cried, her tears staining hers and Luz’s shirts. “I-I just want P-papa to be happy, but I can’t! A-and he gets mad, and hurts me… is something wrong with me?” She asked, almost begged, as snot started bubbling up from her nose, her face covered in red blotches of tears.

“No.” Luz stated firmly, tightly pulling Neon into a fierce hug, pressing the sweet girl’s face into the crook of her neck, uncaring of the snot and tears that would end up staining the outfit. It didn’t matter nearly as much as the hurt girl in her arms. “You did NOTHING wrong. He’s your father, the man who’s supposed to raise you, to protect you, and he betrayed that. He’s the one with something wrong with him. Not you… never you.” With that, what little self-control Neon had kept vanished, and she pulled fully into Luz’s embrace, tears surging as she silently wailed into her friend’s clothing.

‘She feels… like Mama’s hugs.’ Neon thought to herself.

‘She feels… so fragile.’ Luz wondered at the feeling of the delicate girl clinging to her, previously in joy… but this time in sadness and heartbreak. Luz’s thoughts shifted into rage. ‘If I EVER see her bastard father again… he’s not walking away.’

As Neon cried, Luz turned to her guards, mindful of supporting Neon’s weight while she did so. “So… what’s the plan?” She asked, fully prepared to rip the group apart if they were even considering bringing Neon back to that man.

The guards exchanged glances, before nodding in unison. Kurapika stepped forward. “We are not letting Mr. Nostrade getting his hands back on Miss Neon.” He said gravely, his voice brooking no argument. “We all accepted this job knowing it would bring us into contact with unsavory individuals, and that we may end up being required to do rather horrible things. But we all have lines we will never cross; enabling an abuser is one of them.” He stated, the other guards nodding in agreement behind him.

“The fact that our contract states that we’re supposed to be protecting the lassy from anything wanting to harm her just adds extra incentive.” Basho said, giving a humorless laugh. “We never expected that meant keeping her safe from her own father!” His grin shifted, showing all teeth. “We let the little miss down, ignoring the signs. If that piece of trash even comes near her, he dies.”

“Good.” Luz said flatly, turning a tender look towards Neon, who peaked her head up. “Hey, NeNe? You mind answering a question?”

“Okay.” Neon said timidly, cuddling up against Luz’s side. “What do you want to know?”

“Well, why did you come to the Isles?” Luz broached.

“Because… I didn’t want Papa to find me. I wanted to go somewhere he could never take me back.” Neon said softly, glancing away. “I wanna live like a normal girl. I wanna have friends.” Tears started pricking her eyes again. “I want to wake up, and see sunshine.”

Luz gave a heartbroken smile, clutching the girl tighter. “Don’t worry, you will.” She pulled Neon tight again. “I swear it.” She whispered to herself.

[elementric]

How To Use The Law Of Attraction To Attract Money And Wealth

Was one of the main things that drew you to the Law of Attraction the idea that you could attract money? If this is the case, you are not alone. Almost everyone wants to know how to use the Law of Attraction to attract more money. However, you may have discovered that money-attracting techniques are more complicated than you anticipated. Alternatively, you may believe you’ve been doing everything correctly, but you still haven’t figured out how to use the Law of Attraction to get money.

If you want to learn how to create wealth quickly, you must first master six simple exercises. We’ll go through these exercises in more detail below, as well as how to manifest wealth fast and efficiently by using targeted meditations to attract wealth. Finally, we’ll dig at the best money affirmations. You’ll be able to manifest something in the blink of an eye before you know it!

6 Exercises to Naturally Attract Money and Wealth

According to experts, you can manifest something in 7 days. If the method hasn’t been as easy for you, you might be tempted to drop the Law of Attraction work.

It is, however, completely possible to manifest money! What you have to do is learn the proper techniques. Furthermore, even though abundance isn’t your primary manifestation target, attracting more cash into your life would undoubtedly help you.

If you want to wow your dream lover, launch a new company, wander the globe, or boost your morale, a little extra cash can’t hurt. In many of the best Law of Attraction money tales, financial prosperity serves as a springboard to a cascade of other types of success.

Step 1: Concentrate on Abundance.

This exercise, which is always at the top of the list of Law of Attraction money tips, is based on the central Law of Attraction principle that you draw more of what you focus on.

So, if you spend more time reflecting on your abundance, more will come your way. There are several approaches that can be taken. As an example:

Keep a diary and make a habit of writing down 1-5 items you’re grateful for every day. Close your eyes for 3-5 minutes, focusing on your deepest feelings of appreciation for the riches of your life.

Step 2: Attract Money by Changing the Script

When it comes to attracting abundance, the inner opponent will always remind you that you can’t. It can also convince you that you don’t deserve to be rich at times.

When you have a bad feeling like this, automatically turn it around and think on the opposite. For eg, if you are concerned that “I don’t think I’ll ever be good enough to make money,” remind yourself firmly, “Someone can be successful enough to make massive quantities of money.”

Using a thought-stopping tactic, such as repeating the word “Stop” aloud or picturing a red stop sign, if possible.

Step 3: Attract Money and Spend in Line with Your Values

Another effective way to attract investment is to ensure that you invest your money on things that are really important to you. When you behave in accordance with your ideals, you get a lot of money satisfaction from your spending and build a much more productive relationship with money. And when you have a good, caring attitude about wealth, you can draw more money right away!

And if you’re not sure what you value, try these exercises:

Make a list of the five most significant events of your life.

Make a list of 5 words that describe each.

Consider what similar trends surface. These are the most important qualities.

Step 4: Face the Facts to Attract Money

Manifesting riches is more than simply associating capital with prosperity. It also entails assessing the financial condition and behaving accordingly. So, be truthful about yourself. Examine the whole financial situation, including your loans. If you need assistance, do not be afraid to ask for it. Friends, colleagues, and financial advisors will all assist you in developing a strategy to change your condition.

It’s cool if you don’t have a lot of money today. Remind yourself that getting to where you want to go requires engaging with the reality about where you are right now.

Step 5: Smell Money to Attract Money

Though it may seem weird at first, connecting with the scent of money will help you use the Law of Attraction for money and riches. You are aligning the vibration with privilege and plenty as you do this. Imagine yourself as possessing all of the wealth you require as you do this. Don’t care on whether you like money or how much more you wish you had. Allow your brain to think that you are fully abundant right now.

This is a simple and short workout. However, if practiced often, it will help to reset old pessimistic attitudes about money that are holding you down.

Step 6: Overcome The Fear of Success

Often people unintentionally sabotage themselves. So, on some stage, you might be afraid of what would happen if you attract wealth!

Make a list of all the causes you may be afraid of becoming wealthy. For instance, you might write, “What if people just use me for my wealth?” or “What if I’m not comfortable even though I’m wealthy?” Consider the source of each of your fears. Did you get this message from someone in your past? Is it a product of the social environment? Take note of the source. Finally, write a response to each concern. For eg, “no matter how wealthy I am, I will always be able to tell true friends from false friends.”

How to Use Meditation for Wealth

Maybe you’re actually meditating, or maybe you’re curious about doing it for the first time. Regardless, everyone can practice guided meditation to attract money.

It’s a fantastic way to tune your mind into the realities of your abundance, provoking optimistic feelings about money, and painting a more vivid image of what it’ll be like to achieve your dream.

Meditation also has a slew of other clinically validated effects, including stress reduction, greater empathy, reduced blood pressure, and improved mental stability.

You cannot manifest large amounts of money instantly, but you can establish the conditions for prosperity almost immediately. We’ll walk you through a method.

Step by step, I’ll walk you through a simple money meditation.Consider the following to be a “attract money now” meditation:

Money meditations, which can be done before going to bed so that the messages can be easily -incorporated into your subconscious, start by having a cozy, peaceful spot where you won’t be interrupted. Sit cross-legged or in a chair with the feet on the floor.

Take 5 deep breaths, each time inhaling and exhaling to a count of ten. Release the pain in your body when you do this. Start at the top of your head and work your way down to your spine, shoulders, hips, knees, and feet. Imagine your body warming up and filling with a soft, golden light when you’re fully comfortable.

Imagine money pouring down on you in a few minutes. Consider how much money it might add up to. Consider how it will fill your space and the rooms of your neighbours. There is more than enough for everybody

Allow yourself to be happy and content. Slowly open your eyes after a few more minutes of soaking in this bliss. If you’ve gotten used to this attract money therapy, you can start doing it two or three times a day, not just before bed.

How To Use Money Affirmations:

Affirmations will make us view our relationship with money in a more positive way, allowing us to attract more of it.

For example you can use:

“I am prepared, eager, and delighted to receive money.”

“I am letting go of all negative money convictions I have.”

In addition to saying it in your morning ritual, you will want to say it before any financial activities. You might, for example, tell your affirmations before going to a meeting where you could be awarded money to start a company.

Stay Positive; Stay Happy; Peace and Love shall surround you at all times!

Lo

[jyndor]

I swear, WHY are these people harassing MINORS. The atla fandom is mostly adults at this point, that they're SEARCHING KIDS OUT is just so absolutely disgusting. Those kids got to miss the initial ship wars, let them go through 2020 in peace.

Anon I feel you. Full disclosure, I have had a bottle of wine and spent four hours talking to my family on zoom so I’m heated. Okay, here we go. Let me say this. I am 29 and neurodivergent/ADHD so I prefer explicitly-stated social rules of engagement. Like I don’t always pick up on social cues and that has gotten me into interpersonal conflicts in the past with my peers.

BUT. I am 29 so I also understand that I am in a different place than I was when I was 15 or 12 or 17. I have different needs, different expectations, from those who interact with me than I did when I was a kid. Fuck, I know how it might have felt back 15 years ago to hear adults say “she’s a kid, she doesn’t know what she needs, her brain isn’t fully developed and she can’t legally consent” yeah that pissed me off and in some ways it wasn’t true but with regard to consent it was. Of course it was. But what I’m hearing from these minors, these teenagers who I don’t know if they’re 12 or 17, but they’re not asking to be treated like adults - they’re asking to be treated with respect.

Now all of what I am about to say is not me excusing this behavior, but analyzing why it happens. And yes, I am about to say that all of these anons are white I can smell the entitlement in the air.

I know why these fools are targeting minors and poc zutara shippers. I know why. You know why. We all know. They are EASY fucking targets. It’s sick, picking on kids. Absolutely sick. Harassment, predatory. And they are also acting in bad faith - if they were working in good faith, they would come off anon and say, “hey x I truly believe that zutara is harmful and I am confused as to why a poc would be cool with something that other poc say is harmful to them, can we have a discourse?” now granted, this is fucked up and essentialist garbage, and no one is entitled to discourse~ with random people on social media.

Now I want to make something clear before I get to my next bit: the zutara fandom is not the r*ylo fandom. First off, the zutara fandom has experienced hateful shit from TPTB since early on in fandom; we don’t have a lot of support from the creators. In fact, the creators have been outwardly misogynistic and hostile to us. Okay, Dante Basco and some of the writers MIGHT ship zutara but that’s like, not institutional support. And also there is a history of SOME fan creations being really fucking racist. That shit, the “dark enemies hate sex” shit that zutara is stereotyped as being about, is almost completely purged from fandom. Not that it doesn’t exist still. And not that it shouldn’t be corrected and that we shouldn’t try to grow as a fandom. Have I seen shitty politics from zutara shippers? Yes. And I cringe every time, but like I don’t expect every person to agree with my politics. We have grown so much as a fandom - and you can tell by the fan creations. Fanworks are not about non-consensual domination anymore (like they often were in the early days of atla), they are about respect and reconciliation. And they have been for YEARS, like I’m talking s2 onward, when zutara took off. *sips wine*

‘cause here’s the thing. Fandoms are groups of people. People, as a result of centuries-old imperialist/racist constructs, are racist. We have to actively unlearn so fucking much. And any fandom is going to have its shitty elements. This is not something non-zutara shippers are exempt from. Actually, the zutara fandom has done a lot of work to make the fandom safe for poc and minors over the years and I am so proud of it. I have never seen that in a fandom. Ever. It’s not to say it’s perfect, of course not.

We did that on our own. Not because kataangers or sokka/zuko shippers were like WTF RACIST lol no because poc in the fandom were like, HEYYY before you write capture fic please learn about x, y and z, and the white parts of fandom were like, oh shit let’s get educated, this ship is about reconciliation and growth, let’s live up to that. I mean honestly from what I’ve seen from the larger atla fandom, which has a hard time dealing with the criticisms about why atla is racist (lol shocking that bryke appropriating cultures for their financial benefit would be considered racist but /s) could learn from the zutara fandom. js.

Honestly I assume most of these anons are just fuckin white asshole anti-zutara trolls who have never actually interacted with the zutara fandom. As a white person I do think that we white people have a certain level of entitlement to spaces that are not ours. Like, I don’t see poc who have had to be in more collectivist or communal settings as a result of colonialism and white supremacy invading spaces they don’t belong to in the same way that white people do. This is a LEARNED behavior, not an essence or in our DNA. Like, many white people get pissy about not being allowed by social contract to say certain slurs, but like... A) it’s not a legally enforced LAW lmfao and B) those white people only get annoyed when they realize they aren’t allowed to say it. That’s an extreme example, but I think it’s emblematic of a larger problem - because of colonialist ideology, white people feel entitled to ALL spaces and ALL things. We get annoyed when things don’t work how we feel they should. I grew up expecting things to change when my social class put pressure on those things, so it is always going to be somewhat jarring for me to know that that isn’t the case for marginalized communities.

I know some of my friends who are black have said things like, “lol cait why are you so shocked and appalled that x is the way it is, that’s how it always has been.” Not always, and not all of my friends, but like it happens. In those instances it’s like, I see something happen that is racist or fucked up, and they’re like... yeah. Obviously. But for someone who is not exposed to something, they might find it hard to swallow. When it comes to fascists and capitalists, I don’t have any sympathy left to offer - just get fucking educated or have a fist to the nose. But ships are not at that level. And like people work with political bubbles, where they often get isolated to what discourse is happening in other bubbles, fandoms and subfandoms (like ship fandoms) also exist in bubbles. (I am not saying that fascists/capitalists are soul searching in their bubbles, but they do exist in clear bubbles on and offline and that is terrifying to me; their discourse cannot be GOOD and I hate not knowing what they are plotting).

Example. I don’t interact with r*ylo unless it interacts with ME, and what I see, I don’t like. (let me be clear, I am not comparing zutara with r*ylo because they are NOT equivalent; I would not be a zutara shipper if I thought they were similar). But I don’t go into shipper tags and harass children who support r*ylo. I hate it, I really do it fucking sends me up a wall, but I only ever interact with anti-r*ylo content. and in that way, I don’t know what discourse the r*ylo fandom is doing to correct its horseshit. I only know what I see, and I see r*ylo shippers being toxic and racist.

So I hate fucking r*ylo but you don’t see me going out of my way to interact with r*ylos about their ship. I can’t begin to tell you how much I am ANTI-r*ylo. It is antithetical to everything I believe. But again, I am not going into the tags, searching for r*ylos to harass. Maybe the r*ylo fandom is working on its toxic shit, maybe it isn’t. I have no idea, and I am not going to harass r*ylos about it in their inboxes unless they come into my inbox and harass me. And by the way, even then I am not going to have private conversations with shitty people - that’s all gonna be public, bitch.

Wow... IDK if this is coherent because like I said, wine. At best, these anons are racist white people who think that they are helping the anti-racist cause by attacking people who they think are pushing racist narratives... but are not challenging their implicit biases and so are picking on the most vulnerable people, who because of essentialist garbage, they feel like are traitors of the Cause or whatever, and also are minors so they assume are incapable of fighting back.

It’s racism, my friend. I’m drunk, but it’s racism. Hopefully I don’t have much to edit in this tomorrow morning lmfao. Please tell me if anything doesn’t make sense.

[akechicrimes]

Prompt 19 for Shuake? I read it and my brain immediately “̶A̶̶n̶̶g̶̶s̶̶t̶ Material for New Game+” (Just a suggestion)

19. “Do you want to know the hardest thing about having a soulmate? It’s not the separation in the beginning, not the endless nights lying awake, hoping and praying that someone was made for you. It’s…it’s the love. It’s too strong, and you can’t fight it. I’ve tried. Believe me, I’ve tried…but I’m always going to love you. And I need you to know that.”

summary: goro akechi meets his soulmate akira kurusu, falls in love instantly, and immediately resolves to kill him.

When Goro is twelve, he hates two people equally: his father who he’s never met, and his soulmate who he’s never met. When Goro is eighteen, he meets Akira Kurusu, falls in love instantly, and resolves to kill him.

***

“Oh,” says Sae, when he walks into work next. “Take the day off, Akechi-kun.”

“That’s entirely unnecessary--!”

“I will be liable in court if I make you work,” says Sae promptly, and before his very eyes, starts to move case files over onto his (very small) section of her desk. “You met your soulmate, you get a whole two weeks of paid leave. Goodbye.”

“I didn’t meet my soulmate,” says Goro, trying very very very hard not to snarl.

“You’ve got lovesick all over your face,” Sae replies.

Goro immediately pulls out his phone and checks himself in the front view camera, because Goro’s only dedicated entire years of his life to having perfect, flawless control over his face and public image and it’s simply not possible that one scruffy-haired teenaged boy who probably doesn’t even wear deodorant could undo all his hard work, but no, Sae’s right, Goro’s got this hideously piteous wide-eyed fawning look like he’s some kind of blindly dedicated fangirl star-struck over a local celebrity. Goro has the sudden compulsion to break his phone, and maybe get rid of Akira Kurusu’s phone number while he’s at it.

“Enjoy the honeymoon period,” says Sae. “Don’t come back or I’ll get sued.” She thinks about it. “I think you may have to still go to school. You seem to have met your soulmate unusually young, so you may want to check if your school has a policy on it.”

“Right,” says Goro. His fists curl; the leather gloves creak. “I’ll... go, then. If anything happens with the Kamoshida case--”

“I will not call you before two weeks is up.”

“How... very kind of you,” says Goro with determined pleasantry, as if she’s not booting him off the very case that Goro worked for two years to have an opportunity to even look at, not to mention the case that Shido will have his head for if Goro screws up.

Maybe Sae hears it in his voice, because she pauses, and gives him the neutral look that could very well pass as her smile. “When your leave is up, the case will still be here. You only get to meet your soulmate for the first time once. It’s a special time. You could try to enjoy it.”

Just then, Goro’s phone buzzes with a text from--ugh--Kurusu, speak of the soulmate devil: My school just told me to take the day off because of soulmate stuff, is that legal?? Goro’s heart jumps. Sae does smile then, in that smug, triumphant way she does when she’s just won a legal case. “Have fun,” she says, and in the reflection of Goro’s phone screen, he can see himself smiling against his will.

***

There’s nothing for it. Goro’s just going to have to kill Kurusu. Or put him in jail, or make him go psychotic, or hand him over to Shido or his cleaner friend for disposal. Whatever works. But Goro cannot continue on with this shackle around his throat.

Life is a series of unfreedoms: first you can’t choose who you’re born to, sometimes strung up with a bunch of birth complications, possibilities carved away from you by the map of your genetics and DNA predispositions. Then all the things you can’t afford: maternity leave, a good diet, child care, a good preschool. More still: Duck and bow your head to the social workers, the school teachers, the bosses who want nothing more than to fire your mother for the slightest mistake. Don’t speak too loudly. Don’t make eye contact. When your mother dies, you can’t cry too loudly at her funeral or it’ll make your aunt mad. No, you can’t afford the train fare to visit her grave.

And people have the nerve to say: Oh, isn’t it romantic to have been assigned a soulmate from the moment of your birth? Isn’t it wonderful? Isn’t it reassuring to have no choice in who you love?

Isn’t it the peak of romance that one day, you just look across a TV studio and your entire life gets turned upside down? The entire insides of your head gets rewritten according to some cosmic match-maker game. All of a sudden, you’d take a bullet for some shitty kid in glasses you’ve never met. And it doesn’t matter what you want; it doesn’t matter what you need. You love him and you can’t even hate him for it.

Isn’t that romantic?

Maybe Goro shouldn’t have been surprised when the public started thinking that a group of thieves reaching inside the heart of another person and forcing them to admit their crimes could constitute as justice.

***

Shido doesn’t give a shit about Goro’s soulmate problems and also Goro would rather sit on a cactus and spin than tell Masayoshi Shido that Goro’s fucking soul is tied to the very thieves that are currently being a pain in Shido’s ass, which is to say that Shido calls him on the subway and rattles off three more Mementos targets that he wants taken out before the end of the week and Goro has no choice but to simper and nod and tell Shido yes sir, anything he wants, sir, right away, sir. Halfway through the phone call, Goro realizes that he could just tell Kurusu that Goro’s a murderer, and Kurusu, the leader of the righteous and just Phantom Thieves himself, would have no choice but to love Goro anyway, murders and all, murderer and all; and it wouldn’t even be a lie, wouldn’t even be an obligation; Kurusu would love him genuinely and sincerely and he wouldn’t even be able to stop himself, even if he came to hate himself for it. Shido hangs up on him. A nice old lady next to him says, “Did you get some good news, dear?” and Goro realizes that he’s grinning ear to ear.

***

Well, if Goro’s going to kill Kurusu, then he might as well meet the boy before he does--especially if Kurusu’s offering. Since they both have the days off and nothing better to do than to figure out what to do with the person they’ve found their soul bound to, Kurusu suggests that they meet up at some place called Leblanc, which, if Goro isn’t wrong, is the same place that Sae’s been hounding because of that child neglect case. Goro reminds himself that Kurusu has no choice but to love him because of this stupid soulmate thing, and therefore it’s patently ridiculous that Kurusu will have much of an opinion on the state of Goro’s hair. Goro fixes it anyway. He also brushes his teeth in lockable restroom in a Wild Duck Burger place. Almost leaves, then goes back and applies deodorant.

This is the stupidest thing that’s ever happened to Goro. Kurusu’s the phantom thief Goro’s trying to catch. Odds are Shido will have Kurusu killed or put in jail within the next eight months. Goro walks into Leblanc, sees Kurusu lurking in the corner booth in his school uniform, and feels his own heart do a dozen cartwheels. Oh, wow, Goro really does love him and he doesn’t even know him. This isn’t stupid. This is disgusting.

Goro isn’t familiar enough with Kurusu as a person to know what his stare means, but the man behind the bar apparently does. “Take it somewhere else, lovebirds,” he says. “Actually--for god’s sake, Kurusu, take him somewhere nice for the occasion.”

“Here is nice,” says Kurusu.

“Somewhere fancy. Geez, have some class and show your soulmate a good time.”

“Upstairs is nice,” says Kurusu.

“No it’s--ugh,” says the barista, and mutters something about kids these days as Goro considers the possibility that Kurusu is going to try and show his love by skipping straight to the part where they fuck on the first date, and Goro will have the pleasure of cutting his own soulmate’s dick off. Greatly cheered by this opportunity, Goro says his hasty goodbyes to the barista and goes upstairs, curious to see the room of the boy that he’s going to have the honor of murdering.

Goro takes the couch. Kurusu sits at the desk chair. (Not backwards, thank god.) “How good to see you again,” Goro lies cheerily. “Have you been well, since we last spoke?”

And Kurusu--Goro doesn’t know why he thought the boy from the TV station, who argued with him on live TV, would disappoint him--Kurusu looks him square in the eye and says, “The soulmate thing doesn’t have to matter.”

“Oh?” says Goro, and leans forward. Why did he think Kurusu wouldn’t make an interesting move? It’s Kurusu. Of course he’d approach the soulmate issue with the same fascinating approach that he took to justice itself. “Most people would say it matters quite a lot. Most people would be delighted to have found true love. So young, too.”

“Are you?” asks Kurusu.

Goro blinks like he’s been thrown an unfair question in a TV interview. Kurusu smiles, slow, sure.

“Not to sound like a cynic,” says Kurusu evenly, “but it doesn’t feel much like love if it’s not a choice.”

Goro’s smile widens. “Is free will a prerequisite of true love, then?”

“If it’s going to mean anything that’s worth anything.”

“Even if such free will costs you your shot at happiness?” Goro presses.

Kurusu doesn’t blink. “Would you be happy, chained to someone you love but had no choice in loving?”

Obviously fucking not, but Goro doesn’t want to hear that from Kurusu, because it makes Kurusu sound like he understands Goro, and the last thing Goro wants to hear from the boy he’s going to kill is that he’s not just Goro’s soulmate, but his soulmate for a good reason. 

“The idea of soulmates is a practically immoral phenomenon,” says Goro, so as to avoid the question. “At some point, it’s hardly any different from brainwashing or psychological manipulation, or even Stockholm syndrome. But the fact of the matter is that it’s a widely documented phenomenon, too. There’s no doubt that it’s real, and it exists, and that you and I are bound together. Speak practically, Kurusu. What are you proposing we do?” Besides just murdering you in Mementos, Goro thinks and doesn’t say.

“Pretend it didn’t happen. It doesn’t have to matter if we don’t let it,” says Kurusu. “I’m only in Tokyo until the end of this school year, too. We just have to wait until then, and then I’ll be hundreds of miles away and it won’t matter anymore.”

“You’re proposing that we outwit fate itself.”

Kurusu pushes his glasses up. Behind his hand, his lips just barely turn upwards. “Don’t think you can do it?”

Goro’s eyes narrow and his smile sharpens. “On the contrary, I’m only worried you won’t be able to keep up with me.”

“It’s a deal, then,” says Kurusu.

“We’ll choose our own paths of our own free will,” Goro agrees, “and we won’t let such a silly soulmate phenomenon determine the course of our lives.”

Kurusu’s smiles softly and takes Goro’s offered hand and shakes it. And for just a moment, Goro’s heart doesn’t feel like a besotted, weak traitor, but entirely at peace.

[bladekindeyewear]

Boots reads Homestuck Epilogue(s) Part 5 - Meat Page 7

==>

Okay, time for Rose and Dirk to talk delicious politics or something.

Heh, customary show-end riots.

Rose, stop causing all of us undue alarm.

Ascending? Is she going to fade out into a concept or something???

Oh shit, Dirk’s doing something similar.  Some sort of inevitability once God-Tier is reached or some such.

Dirk has a solution to the problem in the works.  That’s... well, Rose already cautioned that that could be ominous.  I hope it doesn’t involve decapitation.  Or robot bodies, or turning her into an omniscient cueball or something.

==>

Okay, stage play time.  I can see a weird-seeming text color choice for Caliborn down below, hm.  Time to read down to there...

Ah, the classic finale-callback thumbs down.  Nice.

...yeah, reinforcing the point he was trying to make a little less explicitly with his earlier finale of Homestuck that Lord English had really just, sort of, trapped them in this narrative that their ultimate reward would be to escape, realizing it never really mattered too much compared to their own long lives and happiness or something.

==>

Epilogue TWO??????  D:

Okay now it’s, like, Andrew commenting isn’t it.

Oh shit, it DOES suck them up and trap them? Huh. That explains how Jade was dealt with, I’d forgotten. Also because it was one of the huge goddamn unanswered fucking hugepoints that made it seem like a slap in the face when we were told it didn’t matter and-- yeah okay let me just keep reading.

Huh, broken glasses.

And, phew; the ages it takes is from an OUTSIDE perspective.  Let’s see what it is from an inside perspective...

==>

Jaaaane!!! :D

Okay let’s read about Janey.

Mhmm, that’s not that surprising... Dirk knew that Karkat was going to run against Jane, but Jane didn’t, even though Dirk was ostensibly “working” for her.  There’s definitely a plan here.  Maybe it involves Jane and Karkat smooching publicly at the end.  ...No, that’s just my wishful imagination talking, isn’t it.

Oh my god she’s screaming into a pillow at hearing she has competition.  That’s adorable.

YES, JANE.  UNDERESTIMATE KARKAT.  YOU WILL FALL IN LOVE WITH HIM LIKE EVERYONE ELSE (though probably platonically).  It does upset me that they’ve taken this long to really get acquainted, though; I’ve argued for years that their personalities are naturally compatible as the straight men for all their friends’ bullshit.

In fact, Jane is pretty sure that Karkat Vantas would probably literally burst into flame if too many people happened to look at him at the same time, like a vampire walking out into the sun.

Yes, but he’d get over it.  And be a flaming president or something.

In fact, Jane cannot remember a single conversation she’s ever had with him that wasn’t about the economy. She thinks back to one time at John’s eighteenth birthday when Dave engaged her in a rigorous and rather one-sided debate about deregulation and the failure of “neoliberal austerity measures” until Karkat had to come over and put his hands over his roommate’s mouth to make him stop talking.

Oh my FUCKING god, it’s true.  Dave’s appropriately liberal in the modern, Krugman-esque, statistically grounded way.  Karkat has my vote already.

She’d be happy to accept a graceful, temporary defeat and let Karkat play president for a couple of years. After all, unlike her, he was not immortal.

Hey fuck you.  Also, why the FUCK haven’t they used one of the myriad likely ways to extend Karkat’s lifespan basically indefinitely yet???  Heck, JANE could probably do it with Life powers if she crawled back out of her own butt!  We already know the Condesce could extend other trolls’ lifespans with weird troll powers so Life powers are almost certainly enough to suffice.  >:(

Ohhh, so maybe Jane is just, like... slightly traumatized by trolls? And thus a little tiny bit predisposed against trusting them cause of the Condesce? :(

Interesting how she views her past reliance on / pursuance of Jake as something that made her “weak” specifically.

Okay, I’m getting a slightly uncomfortable vibe that Jane is willing to almost play at seduction with Jake falsely to get his endorsement on--

And she’s willing to do more than that, too.

Okay FUCK, JANE.  GET YOURSELF UNDER CONTROL.  I’m starting to believe the shittalking the others have given about you!  You’d better shape up by the end of this epilogue or what have you.

==>

Okay, trapped John can hear the other three through the walls of their prison or something.

Conversation and musings, conversation and musings.....

Wait, Jade LIVES with Dave and Karkat in that SAME HOUSE and they didn’t even mention it??!??  What is even up with their thing.

Heh, John’s thinking he really could have used a nice kismesis riling him up to better himself.  That’s what they’re for, really.

There there, John.

==>

Oh my fucking GOD, Jane rolls with supply side economics???  TAKE.  HER.  DOWN.

And Jade is just... here?  Huh.

Yeah they DEFS weren’t listening.

JADE: especially when JADE: there are much better things we could all be doing with our mouths.....

HOLY SHIT.  HOLY SHIT.  JADE IS SO INTO EITHER OF THEM THAT THEY CAN’T TAKE IT, CAN THEY.  THAT’S FUCKING AMAZING OH MY GOD

Her tail swishes from side to side

SINCE WHEN DOES SHE HAVE A FUCKING TAIL HOW IS THAT SUDDENLY CANON

I’M NOT MAD IM JUST SURPRISED

Wasn’t that something that the ask-responses from Andrew said she canonically DIDN’T have or what the fuck

Since I guess it wasn’t confirmed IN CANON he just decided he liked it enough to offer it here or???? I DON’T KNOW????

Wow why am I all worked up by this all of a sudden.  It’s just transferring from her earlier line isn’t it.

three of her bras

Okay no nevermind Andrew’s just fucking with us.

...Even though this can probably still be considered canon.  Which only makes how he’s fucking with us work even better, really.  I mean, why WOULDN’T he lob this at us on the ten year anniversary and watch us squirm, really.  There’s no incentive not to.

--oh wait wait never mind reading further these are just bras from different days she threw over the couch.  PHEW.  I thought for a second that we were dealing with dog anatomy stuff that would REQUIRE multiple bras on her.  Jesus.  I wonder if Andrew intentionally phrased things so some people would think that for a minute.

JADE: also you know trolls dont actually have two dicks dave thats an offensive stereotype

Pffffff

Wait, is it that Dave and Karkat’s relationship isn’t quite full-hearts sexual and Jade is incessantly shipping them?? :O

because that’d be hilarious too??  --*reads*

YESSSS JADE BEING SUPER STAT WHIZ WITH HER SUPER PARTOMNIDOG SPACE BRAIN YES

The thing about Jade Harley is that she’s not as good at personal things as she is at other things. Like science, or mastering fraymotifs, or kissing, the last of which she has definitely put a lot of levels into over the past few years because, well, what else are you supposed to do with immortal godhood once you hit the age where the dog hormones start kicking into overdrive? 

f uck

dog hormones

i’m wheezing

Alright, Jade’s springing a thorough relationship talk on them.  That’s cool.  Also she’s throwing statistics in there and I LOVE that now that Jade is older we’re reinforcing just how scary science smart she is, I can’t wait to see other people roleplaying her properly because of it too.

...Yeah Jade would definitely date a chess couple

Jade sighs and crawls closer. She takes one of Karkat’s hands in hers.

JADE: i think wed all work good together

AAAAAAAA :D :D :D

JADE: and i think weve been dancing around that for years now JADE: i wanna try dating for real KARKAT: HAVE YOU EVER CONSIDERED KARKAT: SORRY IF WHAT I’M ABOUT TO SAY TOTALLY BLOWS YOUR MIND KARKAT: DATING A SINGLE PERSON, FOR MORE THAN HALF A SWEEP, FOR REASONS OTHER THAN INITIATING THE CONCUPISCENT EXCHANGE OF FLUIDS?

PFFFFFFFFFFFFF OH MY FUCKING GOD THIS IS PERFECT

Jade being

literally the thirstiest person in this ENTIRE CAST OF CHARACTERS

to the point that everyone’s calling her out on it

in something that’s virtually goddamn canon

holy fucking shit I love everything.  I love life.  Living in a universe where this hilarious shit happens is fun.

....pFFFF JADE DIDN’T KNOW OBAMA WAS REAL THIS IS AMAZING

Ooh, dueling god-tier powers for petty reasons.

OH NO DICK DRAWINGS ARE LIKELY IMMINENT

THAT OR A CHART

OR BOTH

...yeah her hair would get everywhere, wouldn’t it.

yes make fun of ship names some more

What Jade leaves in her wake is not quite the emotional scorched-earth situation that she was going for, but a few of her needles have definitely gotten under some skin. Dave and Karkat both stare after her, silently caught in their own private rationalization spirals.

So this whole time Jade’s been all “JUST KISS ALREADY” and they’ve been all “what no” and now she’s just laid it all out in the open and left them to it.  Yeah that sounds about like what would’ve happened.

Aaaand of course, since this is Dave and Karkat, they just choose to stall some more and play video games.  Jade really DOES complete this relationship with her pushing them to accept reality and stop downplaying their own feelings and self-esteem and all.  But that’s what I thought would happen BEFORE I even read any epilogue stuff so I’m biased.

==>

Pff, Vriska time.

You’ve now got two bitches of either gender at your side

Vriska, shame!  Don’t use that kind of language!!

Yep, this version of her didn’t learn her lesson and is still pretty much completely delusional.

Alright, Real Terezi™ is still flying out in the abyss trying to scoop Vriska out of this jam, cool, cool.

Flailing and spinning, screaming, not being able to see the final event or whatever-- someone save her already we know it’s gonna happen!

JOHN: Emerge from the juju.

Oh.  Well, that’s uncomfortably in line with earlier presumably-discredited theories.  About John saving Vriska from the black hole the Green Sun left in its wake and all.  :|

Yawns too wide and snaps in half?  The moment he was dreaming about?

==>

Oh hai Jake.  This really IS the perfect time to get to see some attempted-exploitative discomfort between Jane and you.  I mean that!  The narrative timing is pretty hilarious.

The sunset has turned the head offices of Crockercorp into a shimmering glass monolith—a beacon, if you will, of the future, visible for miles in every direction.

Jane probably likes to think about it that way at least.

Wow, Jane REALLY sounds like she needs to be knocked down a peg or seven.

The whole place is candlelit, and Jane is reclining on her desk, sprawled out like a lounge singer on a grand piano.

OH MY FUCKING GOD JANE STOP BEING A SLIMEBAG!!!! D: D: D:

Thank you, Jake, for coming through and tanking this.

This is not really the kind of conversation you initiate if you’re looking to extract a sexual deal out of someone. It is, however, the kind of conversation that you might have with a childhood friend who has become somewhat emotionally estranged from you.

THANK FUCKING GOD.  Jane has been saved from herself for the moment.

Okay I see a whole bunch of paragraphs of black text down below just as these two are likely coming together for a kiss.  Uh oh.

...Yep, kiss there.  And, uh...

Okay whew, most of it is Jake privately soliloquy-ing to the narrative about the circumstances leading up to this. I can deal with that.

...Oh my god he keeps thinking of Dirk while getting in close to Jane.  This is gonna blow up in his face isn’t it.

Reading on....

--Ah, yeah, he just realizes he’s more into Dirk I guess.  Ouch.  Ouch, Jane.

DIRK: Were you nice to him? JANE: Well, I... DIRK: I told you, you can’t be nice to Jake. JANE: ...

PPFffffffffff

DIRK: Why don’t you leave Jake to me?

Now ain’t that telling?

Ooh, getting down to plot business with Rose.

==>

Back to John.  I see a bit that says “Listen” there, is he going to hear Vriska screaming? Or is Terezi going to pick her up? Since, like, I mean she has the jetpack and has been searching for her longer and stuff.

Yep, big ol’ LE tantrum.  Though alt!Calliope seems at least as much at fault for the end of the universe as him, if not moreso.

Ah, right, Andrew wanted us to THINK he’d hear Vriska screaming just so he could troll us like that.  Makes more sense, anyway.

Huh, the Juju just pops away.

OW.  Down a spare Rose, just like that, huh?  Probably part of why main Rose knew what the plan was supposed to be for all this.

Ah right, can’t use your Green Sun powers here, Jade.

OW.  Another quasi-doomed side-character death.

Yep, you have to make a tough, leaderly decision and let go.  :C  --Oh crap, you saved her body.  Are you gonna put the ring there or what, I’m not sure where that’s going plotways.

Pff, the whole fight going south just due to John losing his glasses... that’s pretty funny from a perspective.

Oh huh, real ghost Tavros gets nuked.

Oh shit, Meenah’s going in!  Don’t die, I actually care about this version of you!!

--Ah, thrown out and fate unclear, that’s a bit better than clear death.

Hm, Davepeta vs English round two?  I wonder what the purpose of all of this really is, anyway, beyond just a sense that some only implied-wrapped-up things are being actually wrapped up?  This whole Meat arc?  Is Candy going to be ultimately more important to everyone, as was part of the point, or?  Huhhm.

Final Round!!

Hammer buffet!

Slight obligatory feelings allusion via hammer!

Oh no! VORE!!! D:

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < wrow you almost got vored to death

Phew, avoided

Ow, another decapitation.  There’s a killing blow and being trapped forever in a black hole for LE to look forward to, though.  Weren’t there theories about him being trapped forever at the center of that black hole or whatever?  Huh.  I mean there WAS the garbage disposal that his metaphorical Jigsaw-head gets stuck in early in the comic after all.

Alright, Davepeta sticks him in there?  Cool.

Yeah, you just had to remind us that he’s going to be plunging into his dead sister’s gaping hole, didn’t you? >:|

Davepeta. How they were so unfettered and brave. How they sacrificed themselves by flying right into the black hole like...

Like a fucking piece of garbage, you can almost hear Dave saying. May God rest his soul.

Yup.  Closing another callback.  Why is it silent, though?  Did the black hole stop sucking now that it’s gotten almost everything but John, or is it just his blackout?  I mean, is the end of everything just a thing that “happens” (which is still pretty fine, Paradox Space had a pretty good run), or did it just stop, or is it yet to be resolved or re-John-creates-Paradox-Space’s-beginning-because-hes-the-only-thing-left-constituted if he inexplicably doesn’t die from his heroic wounds or?  And Terezi definitely didn’t go flying around Paradox Space’s dying remains just to get sucked in too, right?  I definitely haven’t seen the whole picture yet I guess.

==>

Alright, back to Rose... actually this post’s getting long so I’ll cut here and keep going in another post.

[abundantchewtoys]

HS Epi: Meat p7 reaction

Well, seeing as to what movie I just watched on Sunday. "We're in the Endgame now." :O I wonder if it'll switch back to Earth C before showing us (the tail end of) the Masterpiece scene.

I'm curious to know how truthful Caliborn was about the scene, what he may have omitted from his retelling (the presence of the leprechauns, maybe?), and also how it concluded. I wonder if it'll be told from Dirk's perspective, after the B1 kids have been stolen. He's got the closest connection to Cal and Arquiusprite, after all. I wonder how his perception of his puppet might have changed, too. For all we know, LOTAK might have been ripe with allusions and phropecies regarding the thing, thanks to his denizen. That's another thing connecting him to LE, after all: Yaldabaoth. Just cause he never went into the Lion's Mouth doesn't mean he didn't harvest every bit of intel and backstory. This is Dirk 'Batman Gambit' Strider we're talking about.

---

"The boxing bell is going off like it's having a fit." Well, I did ask for Dirk's perspective. :P Wrong Dirk! Okay, so it seems like the POV will be changing hands like a baton pass on Earth C. That would mean we're in for Rose's POV next, and I wouldn't mind that. Tight-lipped as she would still be even in her own mind's narration about her plans, it'd be nice to see things from her end!

"Dirk has to stick a finger in one ear to hear what Rose is saying over the cacophony of boos and buckets being lobbed toward center stage." Not sure if it would be worse or not for trolls to have thrown that bucket.

"He considers it all pretty fucking annoying, so he flips off the crowd and jumps the ropes. Always a good idea to abscond from the stadium before the customary show-end riot hits full swing." ... So his whole upset-the-audience-into-rioting is par for the course? Dear god, are all his fans hooligans? ... That actually runs pretty close to what happened in AIDS, come to think of it.

"ROSE: It’s not so much “what is up” as “what is down,” the answer to which is, proverbially: Me." Down for the count, not down in the brooding caverns, naturally. You know, since she's ascended to the highest top of the surface.

"ROSE: I mean that both physically and philosophically by the way.

DIRK: You’re down philosophically?

ROSE: Yes.

DIRK: I’m not sure what that actually means.

ROSE: What doesn’t it mean, Dirk." Oh my freaking god, these guys might even be more amazing together than Dave and Rose, it's a sight to behold.

"DIRK: Glad to see that my genetic predisposition for melodrama is still alive and well in my slime-progeny even after all these years.

ROSE: Please don’t interrupt. This is important, and I’ll need all the energy I can spare to sustain even a heavily monologic transmission of the relevant facts." Yes, Dirk, please cut Rose some slack, she only has so few monologues left in her. :P

"ROSE: Anyway, the matter at hand is my “condition,” with which you’re already familiar.

ROSE: I’ve struggled to devise the right way of telling you without causing undue alarm, which would unquestionably trigger the overbearing tendency of yours to “solve the problem” for me, which is not the kind of circumstance my constitution can withstand these days.

ROSE: I can barely lift a wrist to my forehead to telegraph my infirmity, of late. Your bullshit is precisely the thousand-pound feather that could knock me clean through my apartment’s plate glass window." While I don't disagree Rose's condition might be severe, I see she's still well enough to heat a scalding plate of sarcasm. Also, wouldn't Jasprosesprite^2 be better than Dirk at handling her situation? Her feelings for interacting with a clownesk version of herself not withstanding, it's a Rose that already went through the ultimate self thing. Granted, she had fake magic Sprite powers to help her cope, as well as bullshit feline asshole personality issues.

"I’m taking solace in the fact that your infirmity doesn’t seem to have spread to your vocal cords yet." Right, got to remind myself that actual voices are being used to talk with one another. Still not used to it for Homestuck characters doing this when phones are involved. :P The only time it happened in-story was when a "shellphone" was involved, after all.

"ROSE: The bottom line is this.

ROSE: I am ascending, and it is terrible." ... Hmm, could that imply that the Ultimate Self is the last of the god tiers, or pretty high up there, at least? It would take a ridiculous amount of XP, seven years may or may not be enough, but if it's about the accumulation of self-reflection & general knowledge, a Seer of Light would be pretty quick to collect that kind of required boons.

"Rose adjusts her position on the couch with the body language of one about to dive into the latest gossip about a mutual friend. The mutual in this case: her tortured psyche." So the therapist is seeking counsil, in a way, is she? :P

"ROSE: Years of refining my Seer of Light powers have cursed me with what is approaching near infinite prescience. Dwelling in this idyllic post-canon realm has worn down the barriers separating my primary consciousness from the memories and experiences of all my doomed alternate selves, which were forgotten and discarded over the due course of our journey." So that implies they were many, more than we'd assume immediately. There's Dream Rose, Alternate Future Rose, pre-retcon Rose (now Jasprose) & B2 Rose, but it appears there are more still. Well, okay, there's also Reload Rose now, I guess.

"ROSE: As I approach the realization of my Ultimate Self, I cannot stop the extant knowledge from seeping in. I am plagued by near constant visions from the less fortunate versions of myself, as well as a broadening view of the metatextual nature of our existence." She's starting to become self-aware, before you know it she'll be addressing us directly through the Fourth Wall! Well, it's not like we didn't have a smug monologic narrator before. (Did I mean Doc Scratch, Andrew Hussie or Lord English? Yes.)

"ROSE: It drains all of my energy to keep my consciousness focused on relevant events, but even then I am losing my ability to discern what is and is not canonically relevant, let alone what is also true or essential." Well, okay, if she can't even discern between her own life, fanon and fan fiction, she might really have a problem.

"ROSE: And all of this is making me incredibly fucking sick." Rose is getting Homestucksick, is it? :P

"DIRK: Oh. Is that all?" My first thought was: blatant sarcasm. But then... We don't know how far Dirk's powers extend, do we? What shards of his has he had access to all this time, if Brain Ghost Dirk is any indication?

"DIRK: Well, in the spirit of full disclosure,

DIRK: Same." Ooooooh, wow. So it's the same for him? If he was nurturing the mother grub of all splitting headaches all this time, no wonder he pisses on the whole audience experience every time. While he would have more experience juggling disparate experiences, it was already a strain on him back when it was just him and Dream Dirk. Can you imagine him having to jostle Arquiusprite's thoughts & desires, or god forbid, some part of Lord English' experiences too? ... Okay now I'm curious as to what it's like for Dirk.

... Dirk's Ultimate Self experience would have been one of those things I would have liked to see speculation of, back on the old forums. But alas, we're archival readers now, not serial readers. It was not meant to be.

Got to say though. If it's this hard on the god tiers, how must it be for Terezi? Because I'm pretty sure post-retcon Terezi forced an ultimate self revelation on herself through her mindy thing.

It might be that Mind is the aspect best suited at handling all these inflows from doomed timelines and conditional experiences. Or it might be that Heart is, they're related aspects, and Heart is supposed to stand for Soul. It just might depend on where you think the self is defined: in actual experiences, or in the potential for them, realized or not.

"DIRK: We are suffering from the same condition, Rose." So... Does this lend more stake to Dirk's idea for backing Jane, or is it just one of those situations where he can't discern the right course of action any more, that Rose was referring to?

"She allows several rare conversational beats to pass in silence between them, to process the admission." That's how you know things are grave, when Dirk and Rose stop talking.

"DIRK: I guess I used the wrong phrase. You are suffering from it. I am adapting to it.

DIRK: I already have, really." No, wait, THIS is how you know things are grave: when Dirk insists he's got a handle on things. "Adapting", like he's the AI version of himself, not the human version.

"ROSE: When were you going to tell me this?

DIRK: When you were ready.

ROSE: So you have determined that I’m ready to receive this rather critical piece of information now, of all times?

ROSE: What distinguishes the present from the other moments you could have mentioned it?" Well, isn't today the day that things become relevant again, Rose? April 13th? :P

"DIRK: Wow. Well, when you put it that way, it makes me sound like kind of a dick.

DIRK: But I guess it isn’t far from the truth, either." Well, you already sound like kind of a Dirk, most of the time, so

"

ROSE: Unbelievable.

DIRK: Look, it’s not something you just spring on people that frivolously.

DIRK: “Hey folks, just so you know, the boundaries of my awareness are coming apart, and now I know almost everything, about everyone, everywhere.”" "I can see into forever!" Okay, so it was more Dirk's low self-esteem springing up again. He was waiting for someone to "get it" and make the first move. So, is the omniscience thing coming from Arquius' unfathomable depths of AI? Or its connection to Doc Scatch???

"

DIRK: “Also, the process should be tearing my body apart, but actually I’m handling it quite well. Thanks for the concern though.”" Imagine Dirk as the dog in the "This is fine" image.

"DIRK: There will be time to explain all this.

DIRK: Despite whatever appearance of callousness I’ve maintained in withholding this information from you, I actually do have your best interests in mind. I don’t want to wear you out on this call." Gotta say, omniscient Dirk working behind the scenes with whatever boatload of narrative information he has on hand is both assuring and worrying.

"DIRK: For now, I’ll just mention that I’ve been alert to your problem for some time, and I’ve been devising a solution which should permanently remedy it without compromising the boon of your expanding consciousness." ... Definitely tipping back into worrying. It's for the lack of kernelsprites on Earth C that I'll give Dirk the benefit of the doubt, for now.

"DIRK: Would love to tell you, but I’ve got some work to do. Why don’t you stop by my studio later so we can hash this shit out in person." ... I dearly hope his solution isn't: "Here, upload your consciousness into this Rosebot. There! All the limits of your feeble immortal biological coil, removed."

So, Dirk (and Jake) have a studio, Rose has an apartment, Dave 'n Karkat 'n Jade a hive, John a house. I wonder if Jane has ended up owning a mansion of sorts (the White House doesn't count... yet).

Also, Dirk hashing things out is funny, because of Dave's former sylladex mode: hashmap.

"

DIRK: Right now, you should get some rest." Hmm, Blaperile has some theories rest might help her condition. I wonder if, through sleeping or some other process, Rose might be able to actually 'act' through her alternate selves. What if she could make contact with Reload Rose, send her some bits of the bigger picture without overloading her with information?

"ROSE: Actually, I’m feeling oddly invigorated suddenly. I think I’m good for more exposition, if you are." ... Okay didn't see that coming. Either she's scathingly sarcastic right now, or we're in for a treat.

"DIRK: Can’t say I’m surprised. But no." Nothing to perk up Rose better than the promise of secrets not yet revealed, I guess!

"ROSE: Have I caught you at a bad time?

DIRK: Nah, but there is an election coming up, and my work as a political operative is going to be absolutely essential for the fate of humanity." See, Rose could think Dirk is being falseful, but she's nearing omniscience so probably not. Still, Dirk is forgetting to include other species' fate in his calculations, not just humanity's.

"ROSE: I see. Wheels within wheels, I assume?

DIRK: There are always wheels. Wheels are everywhere.

DIRK: They aren’t my wheels or yours. The wheels don’t have owners or designers, but they do have caretakers.

DIRK: They won’t keep turning on their own without someone to grease the mechanism." This is turning into a Dave metaphor again. ... But hmm, that's a mechanics metaphor he's using. Is that a reference to that Rosebot I theorized about... or Arquiusprite? Cause if Rose could act through Reload Rose, Dirk could act through either his Reload self or Arquiusprite! Here's to hoping there isn't a shard in Lord English influencing his behaviour, or reading his every thought and intent.

"the full brunt of the sunset: purple and orange, blending brilliantly on the horizon." I see what you did there. Yes, Dirk and Rose's first actual conversation was brilliant.

"She’s right about him, he thinks. While his ecto-daughter views herself as having a somewhat deft artistic hand that lends itself naturally to a gentle push-and-pull style of influence, Dirk knows his methods are mechanical, like those of an engineer. There is nothing adaptive or interpretive about his method. Every piece has a purpose, a slot, an interlocking mechanism that is functionally pointless without the whole." Yes, it's been pointed out on occasion Rose is quite elegant in her ways. Those ways don't include tidying her room, but still. With the visuals being used to describe both of Rose 'n Dirk's different takes on influencing people, I am reminded of how Names in the "Practical Guide to Evil" story feel different for each person. For one, like putting on a tailormade pair of gloves, for another, like observing the methodical churning of a machine. I already felt quite a few times reminded of Homestuck while archive-reading PGtE (not done yet!), it's only fitting it now goes the other way around again.

Also, thinking about the wheels metaphor has gotten me thinking about LOHAC, and now I have the Clockwork theme from the Medium album stuck in my head.

[sharperthewriter]

14th Annual Kim Possible Fannies Awards - Chapter 1

The 14th Annual Kim Possible Fannies Awards

From the Desk of Sharper,

Hello, everyone and welcome to another installment of the traditional Kim Possible Fannies Awards. With everyone still recovering from the impact of the live-action movie, let us bask in the pomp and circumstances of the traditional awards ceremony where, who knows what surprises may be in store.

The fanfic is rated T for some strong language and a couple of obscene gestures, a bit of sexual dialogue, a drug reference, and some action violence.

Kim Possible, characters and settings, are created by Schooley and McCorkle and (c) by Disney.

Any OC I create is my own.

Chapter 1 - Kim & Ron vs. the LAM Backlash & Bullying

(July 27, 2019)

This was it.

The day before the annual KP Fannies Ceremony.

After two years on the road that also involved the kidnapping of a co-host AND the leader of a quasi-government police agency, plus an alternate dimension of the KP crew and the whole bru-ha-ha over the live-action movie, the ceremony returned to the Tri-City Convention Center in Middleton. The KP Kimmunity and the Middleton City Council agreed on a four-year deal to host the Fannies at the Convention Center. The presentation itself was going to be held at the Timothy North Memorial Theater.

Everyone was getting ready for all the glitz and glamor of the awards show, especially on which dress the grown KP women were going to wear for tomorrow's event.

At the same time however, something else had bothered the now 31-year old Kim's mind.

In fact, the infamous trip they took to South Dakota last year made their marriage stronger. It's just that they did not want to be associated with the Stoppable Family Vacation Curse, so both Kim and Ron decided to legally change the entire family's last name to put his wife's name first. This year, they had taken a trip to both Hawaii and South Carolina and did not run into any significant problems.

And yet, something else had nagged at her mind for over the last five months.

It was all the hate the LAM had been receiving over the timespan. It was like a big stress ball that Kim was squeezing really and mighty hard but it was about to pop. She didn't say anything about it at all after the February 15th premiere of the LAM. -

"Ron, all of this is getting on my nerves! UGGGGGHHHHHHH!"

"KP, calm down a bit! You're letting this whole thing get to your head!"

Both Kim and Ron Possible-Stoppable were walking down the hall of the convention center. . Ron was in a button down shirt, white tennis shoes and baggy jeans held with a belt. Thankfully for Kim, he was not showing his underwear. She was wearing her favorite dark denim baggy Club Banana overalls. It had holes in the kneecaps, but it had a cargo pocket big enough for Rufus. The left strap was hooked but she unhooked the right strap. It was dangling behind her back so that she liked it 90s style. Plus, she had a green button-down shirt. She also was wearing a gold statement necklace, giant dangling earrings,a ladies watch, two bracelets and a total of five rings, including the wedding band. Kim finalized the outfit with black sneakers.

Rufus, on the other hand, was standing on top of his owner's shoulder.

"I am so not jelly about the criticism of the LAM!" Kim countered at her husband.

"Am too!"

"Am not!"

"Am too...times infinity!" Ron snarked.

"Ughh...got me on the infinity clause!" Kim exclaimed.

"Jinx, I owe you a soda, KP!" Ron said, giving a smile to his wife.

Kim smiled back and got back to the topic at hand.

"Anyways, what pissed me off about the whole criticism starts with the little parts. First off...the look of the LAM's mission outfit!" Kim ranted.

Ron sat down on a nearby crate and began to listen to his wife's rant.

"First off...people complained about the fact that the actress was not wearing a croptop! She is 17 years of age last time I checked. That would be downright creepy! And second thought was that people were comparing it to a Halloween costume! I mean, do they even have a brain cell in that head of theirs? Hell, even I can defeat Shego in that outfit!"

"So said the person that wore croptops to school all the time!" Ron snarked. "And of course, currently owns 25 pairs of baggy overalls."

"Ron..." Kim groaned, "...fashion ideas change between 2003 and today, though I do swear by Club Banana's baggy overalls. I do think the mission pants looked very cute on the actress despite the obvious lack on the pockets."

"I tell ya, KP." Ron said while eating some of the Bueno Nacho catering at the nearby table. "Some people just think with that Dawson's Casting mentality!"

"And that, Ron, will serve as a transition to my second point about this whole criticism BS!" Kim replied, continuing on with her rant, "These so-called quote-en-quote 'fans of my show' thinking that a grown-ass 24 to 28-year old woman would play a FIFTEEN-YEAR OLD GIRL?! Does ANYONE even KNOW what teenagers even look like?!"

"I tell you, these women cannot even grasp what it is even like to be in the shoes of a teenager approaching her very first day of high school!"

Her anger became more apparent.

"The damn nerve of some people to call a teenager a 'crop-top hoe' and a 'bad bitch' really wants me to unleash all my styles of kung-fu against them and send these idiots to the hospital. That is simply a sick and wrong term to describe me and my gender, thank you very much! And this is on the poor girl's first major starring film role! I mean, can't those people just live and let live? They have the animated version that they can watch all the time on the Mouse's new stream thing coming up in November. Let the teens and young kids of THIS generation, including my own, have the LAM!"

"Maybe that was the reason why the trailer for the LAM had more than 160,000 dislikes on the interwebs." Ron said while drowning the Naco in sheer Diablo sauce. Rufus dug into the Naco.

"Getting on to point number three against the LAM backlash, Ron." Kim continued with her rant. "The whole 'me-with-a-secret-identity' thing is complete bullshit!"

"Wow, KP! I have not seen you this salty and potty-mouthed since the South Dakota trip!" Ron exclaimed. He had seen Kim utter even worse words than that during that fateful trip.

"Ron, you know my stance when it comes to this!" Kim said, "Through all of my years of high school, I neither once HAD a secret identity that only, like, two people knew nor did I belong to some secret agency where if I blew my cover I would have to be relocated to another host family! The only time I even was involved in one was because of teamups, though it felt weird working with a platypus wearing a fedora and having that mission wiped out from my memory."

"Wasn't there that one time in your show, KP...?" Ron asked.

"Oh that, Ron?" Kim said, "I remembered that you were the Fearless Ferret at the time under Timothy North, God rest his soul."

"And Mr. North offered you to be Ferret Girl." Ron said.

"But I declined stating that I don't get the whole superhero-secret-identity thing." Kim countered "I made that crystal-clear that everyone: my parents, my friends, my neighbors, hell, even the former team-mates on the Middleton High squad that I was out there saving the world from the bad guys!"

"Yet...some people just don't learn." Ron bemoaned.

"Ugh...and don't even get me started on point number four...THE worst thing of the whole LAM criticism! In actuality, I don't even call it criticism...it is so in the territory of bullying! Again, as I have stated before, the Kim actress was 16 (now 17) when she did the movie! And they bully the poor girl on all her social media sites such as Flitter, InstaPic, and AddressBook! The other thing that annoys the hell out of me is the whole 'my childhood is ruined' shit every time something is rebooted! No, their childhood isn't ruined. They had a childhood, like we did, and it lasted a good while until we got to adulthood!"

"And for those people that have the nerve...the damn audacity...to actually post hateful comments such as killing herself? In my eyes, I do not consider some of them to be 'fans of my show' " Kim replied with air quotes around 'fans of my show" with her fingers. "To me, they should be arrested by the police and sent to jail!"

Taking a deep breath, the redhead added, "My show was supposed to teach kids about friendship and kindness. And in my eyes, the Kim LAM actress is a perfect repesentation of...well...me! She took on those hateful comments with messages of positivity. THAT in all honesty, represents THE true Kim Possible spirit that has been exhibited by some of our good fans in the past, such as the late CPNeb and the late Commander Argus. I loved it! You loved it! Our kids loved it!"

Rufus nodded his head in agreement, belching out what remnants of the Naco there was.

"Even Rufus, the mole rat who did become CGI, loved it! If they are going to target the KP LAM actress, they'll have to get through me first!"

[blaperile]

Homestuck Epilogues - Meat - Page 7

[radiant-flutterbun]

Gods Without a Purpose

Previously (but not required reading to understand this chapter)

[Brief recap of previous events: Sepulchral, Sonder and Muerto are all gods from another world that are currently living in my clan. They didn’t have the best lives back in their world for a bunch of complicated reasons I won’t get into now]

[Content warning: brief mention of attempted suicide, alcoholism and abuse]

Sunset at the Sunbeam Ruins was a contradiction that Sonder still didn’t understand. If this was supposed to be the land of Light, and was ruled by a goddess who could control the sun, then why didn’t she just keep the sun out all during the night? Perhaps to comfort the dragons who were used to a night and day cycle from other lands? Or maybe it was to appease her neighbor, the goddess of shadows? Whatever the reason, Sonder was thankful for the gradual darkness.

She rested her scaley head against the feathered chest of her boyfriend, Sepulchral Solstice. Being a nocturne, she was much smaller than him, but she was used to being small. In her true form, her form from her homeworld, she was always teased for being barely over four feet tall. Meanwhile Sepulchral had always towered over just about everyone.

“It’s pretty,” Sepulchral said with a smile “I’ve always loved sunsets.”

“Yeah, it is nice. Just wish our sun wasn’t controlled by such a bitch.”

Sepulchral flinched and Sonder regretted her words.

“Sorry babe,” She said “Didn’t mean to bring up your… family problems.”

“No. It’s ok. My mother is a bitch.”

Sonder lifted her head to stare at Sepulchral “Wow. Never expected to hear you say that before.”

“I’m just. Finally accepting certain things. Therapy has been a big help.”

“I’m glad.” Sonder snuggled back against his chest.

“You should go sometime too. I think you’ll like my therapist. She’s really nice.”

“Yeah… I probably should but… Nah.”

“I had a feeling that’s what you’d say.”

‘It’s just… I don’t know. I’m not good at talking to people, especially not about my feelings and shit. I’d rather just deal with my shit on my own. It’s my shit, so I should handle it.”

“You saw a specialist for your drinking problem though.”

“Yeah. But that was different. First of all I made a promise to you. Second of all It wasn’t fair to you to keep finding me passed the fuck out and having to clean up after me, and third that shit was dangerous and stupid of me. My asshole of a brain? Yeah I probably have some shit going on up there that should be addressed but, it can wait. I’m done trying to throw myself off roofs. I know I still have problems, but I’m not ready to open that can of worms just yet.”

“Yeah I get it. I was hesitant to start therapy too. But I’m glad you’re at least thinking about it. I love you, and I really want you to be happy.”

“Love you too Seppy. And don’t worry, you make me happy.”

Sepulchral smiled “That’s good, because you make me happy too!”

Sonder laughed “C’mere ya doofus!” She nuzzled her forehead against his and kissed him. Sepulchral wrapped his arms around her, and then his wings.

“Goodnight, Sonder.”

“Night Seppy.”

She fell asleep, feeling safe and warm.

***

The next morning she woke feeling sunlight splash across her face. She untangled herself from Sepulchral’s arms and stretched. Sepulchral opened his eyes not long after her.

“Good morning, Sonder!”

“Morning, Sep-” the words stopped in her throat “Sep. Don’t panic but… your wings are gone.”

“My wings? Sonder don’t be s-” Sepulchral turned his head and his jaw dropped. It was just as Sonder said, his once white feathered wings were no more. His back was bare and there was no evidence of the magnificent wings that were connected to it just the night before.

“No. No this can’t be real. This CANNOT be fucking real. Wings don’t. They don’t just fall off!” Sepulchral chuckled “No, that would be… that would be absolutely ludicrous wouldn’t it?”

“Babe? You ok?” “Ahahaha yes I’m absolutely fine because obviously this must just be a dream. Wow and I thought my nightmares were getting better! I really would rather relive Match fucking stabbing me again! Alright brain I’m ready to see that dream again! Bring it on! Just stop with this fucking bullshit!”

“Sep, it’s ok-”

“HOW IS THIS OK SONDER?! MY WINGS ARE FUCKING GONE!”

“Exactly and wings don’t just fucking fall off without a trace! There has to be some reason for this, which makes me think there has to be a way to reverse this. Just stop panicking and we’ll figure something out!”

Sepulchral took a deep breath “Ok. Ok. OK. O. K. You’re right. There has to be a reason for this. Maybe… Maybe the magic here is messing with my natural magic? Maybe that’s what’s wrong? Maybe if we return home my wings will return?”

“Maybe. It’s worth a shot. I’ll go look for Inky. Just stay here, and remember, it’s going to be ok, alright?”

Sepulchral nodded.

Sonder glided down to the lobby to see if she could spot the black nocturne, Inkdrop. It wasn’t an easy feat considering Inkdrop was capable of not only shapeshifting, but also dimension hopping.

“Inky! You around here? Anyone seen Inkdrop around?”

The dragons around Sonder all shook their heads.

“Shit,” Sonder knocked on the clan leader’s door.

Nike, the clan leader soon opened it while yawning “Eh? What’s up?”

“Do you know where Inky is?”

“Hmm. No. I haven't seen her in a while actually. Why? Are you going back to your world?”

“Yeah and it’s a bit of an emergency.”

“Why?”

“Well… Sep’s wings are… Gone.”

“Gone? What do you mean they’re gone?”

“They’re just gone! It’s like they never existed at all.”

“What the fuck.”

“Yeah I know. It’s fucking weird. And he’s freaking out, but maybe they’ll be back if we go back to our world?”

“I mean it’s worth a shot. I’ll go find Hecate too. She’s good with magic and this sounds like a magic thing. Maybe she knows what’s up.”

“Good idea. Thanks Nike.”

“No prob. I’ll try to contact Inky too, but she’s been harder to find lately.”

“Yeah I get it. She’s probably in some alternate universe right now doing who knows what. Anyway, I’m going to go comfort Sep.” Sonder entered her and Sepulchral’s room again, and found her boyfriend whimpering in the corner.

“Babe?”

Sepulchral turned his head toward her “Did you find Inky?”

“No but Hecate is going to go take a look at you. Hopefully she’ll be able to do something.”

“She better!” Sepulchral snapped and then frowned “I’m sorry. I’m taking this out on you. That’s not fair.”

“It’s alright. You’re just upset. But if we really can’t get your wings back, then maybe Alaria could make you some mechanical wings? That’s always a possibility.”

“I don’t want mechanical wings. I want my wings back and I want them now! If I can’t fly then who the fuck am I? I’m the winged god. I need my wings.”

There was a knock on their door.

“May I come in?”

Sonder opened the door and in came a green tundra with Arcane eyes.

“Hello Selpulchral,” Hecate said “Mind if I take a look?”

Sepulchral moved so that she could look at his back. The scars that Match carved into him a little over a hundred years ago were more visible than ever without his wings to block them.

Hecate brushed her paws against his shoulder blades and over the area where his wings would normally connect to his back.

“This is bizarre. There’s not even any evidence of flight muscles. It’s as if you’ve never had wings at all. I’ve never seen anything like it before.”

“That means it has to be magical then, right?” Sonder asked “Is there anything you can do to sense that?”

“Maybe. I don’t know about your kind, but magic flows through the veins of dragons. I might be able to trace where the magic that was once stored in your wings went off to.”

Hecate closed her eyes and pink smoke rose from her nostrils. It circled Sepulchral’s back and disappeared.

“Huh. It’s telling me that your wings no longer exist. Not in this world ar least.”

“I need to find Inky. I need to go back home. That’ll have to fix things, right?” Sepulchral asked.

“I don’t know. I’m sorry Sepulchral,” Hecate gave him a hug and then exited the room.

Sepulchral covered his face with his paws.

“Hey, maybe some breakfast will cheer you up,” Sonder suggested “I’ll go get you something, ok?”

Sepulchral didn’t answer and Sonder sighed.

“I’ll get you some breakfast anyway.”

Sonder traveled down to the kitchen where she heard a commotion.

“Hiraeth no!”

A little black nocturne flew out of the kitchen, an entire turkey in their jaws.

“That’s for the entire clan, not just you!” Another black nocturne followed the smaller one out of the kitchen “Firespitter is going to be mad at us!”

“Inkdrop! There you are!” Sonder called to the bigger nocturne who stopped in her tracks.

“Sonder!” The younger dragon gave Sonder a hug.

“Hey Inky. Good to see you but there’s a bit of an emergency-”

“Sorry I can’t talk! I gotta stop Hireath from eating all of the clan’s food! They’re being bad today!”

Hiraeth, the smaller nocturne was happily tearing apart the raw turkey meat on the lobby floor, smearing blood everywhere. This had become a common occurrence within the clan ever since Inkdrop rescued Hiraeth from a pocket of void surrounding two different universes.

“Hiraeth can wait. Sep needs you right now.”

“Seppy? What’s wrong with Sep?”

“Well… you’ll see.”

Inkdrop didn’t wait to hear anymore. She created a portal and disappeared into it. Sonder sighed, and marched up the stairs where she found Inkdrop had teleported into her and Sep’s room.

“You really couldn’t have just used the stairs?”

“You said it was an emergency so I wanted to be quick!” Inkdrop protested. Her portal was still swirling behind her.

“Ok fine. Just close that before someone else gets trapped in some otherworldly dimension.”

“I didn’t trap Hiraeth in the void! The Lightweaver did!”

“And I believe you, but Hiraeth isn’t what we should be talking about right now, Sepulchral is.”

Sonder pointed to his wingless back.

“Oh,” Inkdrop stared wide eyed “What happened?”

“We don’t know. But we think his wings will come back if you take us back to our world.”

“Oh ok sure! I can do that!” Inkdrop wooshed away her old portal and then snapped her claws to create a new one “Tada! One portal to Selcouth!”

“Selcouth?”

“That’s what your universe is called! King Ludicrous told me!”

“Huh,” Sonder said “I never knew that.”

***

They hopped through the portal and Sepulchral and Sonder changed into their true forms. They had a humanoid appearance, with feline ears, tails and three taloned feet.

But Sepulchral’s wings did not return. His back was as barren as Sonder’s. He slumped onto his knees, crying now.

“Hey, hey, It’s ok Sep! We can still go to Alaria-”

“You don’t get it! Alaria isn’t going to be able to make my wings! Metal won’t replace my feathers, and will she be able to construct a device that can shapeshift from my skydancer form to this one? No! I don’t think so! My wings are gone and I’m never going to be able to fly ever again!”

“So then you won’t be able to fly again! Big deal! That’s how the rest of us live, when we’re not turning ourselves into dragons anyway, and we’re all just fine! You can live without your wings, Sep!”

“No I can’t! What’s the point of anything if I can’t fly? I’m nothing that’s what! My wings are who I am!”

“Dear Spirits, now you’re just sounding like a big baby. Get a grip.”

“Get a fucking grip? Get a grip? I CANNOT believe you just said that to me. How the fuck is that helping anything?”

“Well how is you being a blubbering mess helping anything? I tried to help, but I don’t know what else we can do! Maybe there isn’t anything that can be done with your wings. But At least you’re not hurt, so what’s the big deal?”

“I want my wings! That’s the big deal!”

“Uh. You guys want me to take you back to Sornieth or…?” Inkdrop asked, her eyes nervously flickering back and forth to Sepulchral and Sonder.

“Might as well. At least we have some place to stay the night there.” Sonder said.

Inkdrop nodded and created a new portal. Sepulchral immediately went back to the room to pout and Sonder sighed.

“I don’t know what to do. I don’t get it. So he lost his wings. But it’s not like someone just hacked them off! He’s fine. What’s there to cry about?”

Inkdrop shrugged “I don’t know, but I should really make sure Hiraeth doesn’t get into anymore trouble.”

Inkdrop wandered off and Sonder was left alone in the lobby to think.

What could have happened to remove Sepulchral’s wings overnight? And what was she to do to comfort him? He was clearly upset, but she couldn’t understand why. Wings were only a part of him, and there were other ways to fly.

As she delved into her thoughts she almost didn’t notice Muerto approach her.

The little grey coatl had a worried expression on his face.

“Hey Sonder, you wouldn’t have happened to have seen my necklace anywhere have you? I don’t know where it could be but… I- I can’t find it.”

“Nah, sorry kid.”

“Shit. I don’t know where else it could have gone then…” He pawed at his neck where the necklace usually rested “It feels wrong without it.”

“Can’t you get a new one from Niossa? She made it for you, right?”

“But that necklace was what allowed me to bond with Bubonic!”

“Yeah and you and Bubonic already got a strong bond, so you don’t need the necklace’s magic anymore.”

“You don’t get it. I need my necklace. If it’s lost forever, I… I don’t know what I’ll do!”

“You’re right I don’t get it. I don’t get why a necklace could be so important! And I don’t get why Sep is freaking out over his wings! You don’t need those things, so why be so upset?”

“Wait what about Sep’s wings?”

“They’re gone.”

“They’re gone?!”

“Yeah. Just. Gone. No sign they were ever there.”

A purple red and gold pearlcatcher ran into the lobby so fast that she slid and dropped her pearl. The pearl rolled over toward Sonder and she picked it up and handed it back to the pearlcatcher.

“You ok Ammy?” Sonder asked.

“I’m fine! But Izzy isn’t! He’s been tearing our room apart looking for his journal but he can’t find it! I don’t know what to do with him. He’s been extremely anxious, and I can’t seem to get him to calm down.”

“Oh I’ve been going through the same thing with Sep. His wings just went poof gone. It’s weird.”

“Wait a minute,” Muerto said “My necklace, Sep’s wings, Isra’s journal. All missing. Is… is any other dragon missing anything? Something’s going on here.”

“Huh. that is rather strange,” Ammy said “Maybe someone snuck inside the tower and robbed us!”

“But Sepulchral’s wings are gone. How the fuck did that happen?” Sonder said.

“Hmm I don’t know!” Ammy said “But this has to be someone’s doing. It seems very purposeful, doesn’t it? Isra, Sepulchral, and Muerto are all upset now. Three gods, having something very precious stolen from them. It has to mean something, right?”

Sonder clicked her tongue “Hmm you might be on to something.”

“Hiraeth! Hiraeth where are you?” Inkdrop called and rushed back into the lobby looking around desperately “I don’t know where they went off to! It’s as if they just disappeared!”

“Ok that’s it,” Sonder got to her feet “Someone or something is fucking with us here. I’m getting Nike.”

[yallreddieforthis]

I Can’t Believe It’s Not Richie

Fandom: It (2017)

Pairing: Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier

Rating: T (for language)

Words: 2.7k

Pre-relationship. Movie canon-compliant but not book. Also posted on AO3

The Greater Fool Series: Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 4.5 (NSFW) | Part 5

It seems impossible that a person can be both that shitty and the shit at the same time but like...it’s Richie. And since Richie doesn’t give a single fuck about following any kind of rules, Eddie guesses the ones that govern Eddie’s emotions don’t apply to him either. Greaaaat.

Sometimes Eddie can't believe it's Richie.

Maybe even most of the time, like when everything out of his mouth is your mom and my wang and it's just words, it's not even funny, and Eddie can only tune him out or try to talk over him. Richie cannot shut the fuck up for one goddamn second. And it's not even like Eddie can pin it to anything specific—like, oh, Richie talks more when he's angry or nervous or excited—because he does it when he's every one of those things and any other thing besides. The tone may change—the subject matter even—but the talking. Never. Stops.

Eddie doesn’t really consider himself a beacon of cultural knowledge, but he does own a TV. So he at least has a vague idea of what a British person might sound like, which is more than he can say for Richie. Richie also owns a TV, and yet his British Guy impression is so god-awful that Eddie has to assume he’s basing it on someone’s description of a fever dream they once had about a London street urchin from the eighteen hundreds. This only applies to the actual words though, not the pronunciation—which is pretty much indistinguishable from just Richie being Richie—and that’s across the board for all the voices, not just the British Guy. For someone who loves imitating other people as much as Richie does, it’s unbelievable how remarkably all his Guys sound like they’re from Derry, Maine. Because shouting out mangled phrases he half-remembers from the time he watched Mary Poppins six years ago—in the most American voice imaginable—is still somehow Richie’s interpretation of a British accent.

That isn’t even the worst part of The Voices though. The worst part is that Richie seems to have a sixth sense that alerts him to the exact moment at which it would most infuriate Eddie for him to do one, and invariably it’s as if a little light goes off in the least-developed part of his brain that says Time To Be Italian! (or Southern, or German—he has a constantly expanding, but not noticeably improving, repertoire) and it’s like he just has to do it right then. Sometimes it makes Eddie want to scream at him. Sometimes Eddie does scream at him. But screaming makes no difference; Eddie knows perfectly well that Richie will absolutely do it again the second the urge strikes him, no matter how inappropriate the timing or what Eddie does in reaction.

He's fucking gross too. Not necessarily grosser than the rest of them, but he certainly subscribes to the teenage boy brand of hygiene that dictates that he only really has to shower when Eddie finally shoves him away with a you smell like a sweaty nutsack. Of course then Richie inches closer and it's all how would you know, huh? and Eddie has to be like because I have nuts too, dipshit, and if you never wash them you'll—

And then all his warnings about bacteria and fungal infections are drowned out in the your mom and my wang and vague, half-heard rumors Richie repeats about people from school that Eddie knows aren't true, and he's pretty sure Richie doesn't even believe himself. Fuck him and his terrible, nasty-ass jokes.

Some days he thinks Richie purposely doesn't shower specifically so that he can torment Eddie with his unbearable boy stank. Or how he'll like, step in dog shit and just sort of shrug and wipe the sole of his shoe in the grass and then keep going with whatever he was doing like he's not literally tracking shit everywhere. If Eddie were to step in dog shit—which he wouldn't because he watches where he's going like a sane person—it would bring his entire day to a screeching halt. He gets that he's in the minority when it comes to these kinds of things, but he doesn't get why.

And then Richie has the audacity to suggest that Eddie's just as bad as the rest of them—when he says things like you’re convinced your shit doesn't stink, or it’s the smell of your own breath wafting back in your face—like he thinks Eddie is kind of gross too. Which shouldn't bother him, but it does. Somewhere very, very deep down in his gut he has a nagging suspicion as to why that might possibly be, but he's hell-bent on ignoring it at least until the inevitable destruction of the planet Earth, if not even longer. And that’s going like...pretty well for him. Reasonably well. Maybe a little less well than it used to be, but he's almost fourteen now and he thinks he should probably have a solid handle on the whole thing within the next couple of years.

But even if Richie wasn't either of those things—annoying, disgusting—there's nothing really exceptional that he is. It's not like he's a genius; the gigantic, goofy glasses make him look smarter than he actually is, and he gives as few shits about school as he does about anything else. Eddie is sure that Mrs. Tozier has never been to a parent-teacher conference where she didn’t hear the phrase if he only applied himself, and he’s equally sure that every one of the teachers who said it knew that they were wasting their breath. If Mrs. Tozier—or anyone else—stood even the slightest chance of motivating Richie to care about pre-algebra, there would have been upward mobility in his GPA long before now. Eddie has to assume he does at least some homework—if for no other reason than because he hasn’t been held back yet—but as far as he can tell, Richie bent over a textbook at home is a sight as yet unwitnessed by mankind.

Richie’s not athletic either—by any definition of the word—at least not until they decide to make Competitive Talking an Olympic sport. He’s really good on his bike, but that’s a skill he developed out of practicality because the alternative is being stuck walking all over Derry, and it’s not like being able to ride a bike is something to brag about because even Eddie can do that. But Richie’s not a fast runner. He can’t do a push-up unless it’s the kind that only count as push-ups when girls do them, knees on the ground. He can’t even throw a spitball into a trash can from three feet away (his performance in the Rock War against Bowers and his goons was a crazy, adrenaline-fueled exception)—and like, okay, the bad aim can probably be chalked up to his horrendous eyesight, but even beyond that there’s this general, overall lack of coordination. Eddie has what amounts to a universal pass that effectively excuses him from participating in PE for his entire school career, so he’s never been physically present for what goes down on the yard, but he can pretty much piece it together from the scrapes and bruises all over Richie’s arms and legs. It doesn’t matter what unit they’re on—dodgeball, baseball, soccer, tetherball—Richie plays only one position: target.

He doesn’t fare any better in the kind of extracurriculars that teachers and parents care about, like music. Richie is an aggressively bad singer—a fact Eddie is forcibly reminded of every time anyone has a birthday because Richie always makes a point of sandwiching Eddie between himself and someone who won’t run away (usually the birthday kid’s mom) while he belts out an eardrum-shattering rendition of Happy Birthday at the top of his lungs. Richie seems to interpret birthday party invitations as personal challenges for him to sing louder and worse, challenges he has so far risen to spectacularly on every occasion. The song gets longer each time too, because he never forgets to include Frankenstein on channel nine and the big fat lady on channel eighty and whatever new, ruder verses he’s scrounged up out of nowhere between the last birthday party and this one. Richie’s singing is actually one of the most obnoxious things about him, in Eddie’s opinion, which is really saying something.

He is so unrestrainedly, deliberately awful that Eddie could honestly imagine some idiot adult who doesn’t know Richie listening to him screech the chorus of Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go over and over in Eddie’s ear (the newest sabotage tactic he’s been deploying at the arcade to try to make Eddie lose at Street Fighter) and thinking wow, maybe that kid actually has a beautiful singing voice but doesn’t want anyone to know because he’s worried people will make fun of him. They would be wrong, of course, because even when he’s not actively trying to suck, Richie can’t sing for shit. Eddie doesn’t have to know anything about music to be able to tell that Richie’s real singing voice—the one he almost never uses—is flat and off-key. And forget about instruments because whenever someone makes the mistake of letting him get his hands on one, he immediately tries to shove it down his pants—or worse, Eddie’s pants—and pretend it’s a wang.

There’s art—and Eddie has noticed that being a really good artist can absolve someone of the sin of sucking at everything else. Bill, for example, is talented enough with watercolor pencils that if he drew people’s attention to his sketches, he could probably get away with not knowing how to write a half-decent thesis statement or multiply fractions (even though Bill does know how to do those things) because people would just affix the tortured artist label to him and stop giving him shit about the stutter. And Richie actually draws a lot—probably as much as Bill if it’s purely a question of quantity over quality—it’s just that the only things he seems to be interested in drawing are dicks, and the places he chooses to draw them are all technically the property of the Derry Public School District. Also, his fine motor skills are at least as bad as his gross ones, because his handwriting looks the way his singing voice sounds, and the dicks he draws make Eddie question if Richie has ever even looked in his own pants before.

And yet, despite all of the incontrovertible evidence that Richie is actually a walking disaster, there are other times that Eddie can't believe it’s not Richie to everyone else. Or even like anyone else.

It could be argued that it’s almost inevitable due to the sheer volume of jokes he tells, but every so often Richie will get one absolutely, unassailably right. His timing, his word choice—the heavens open, the planets align, and suddenly everybody around him is laughing so hard they can't breathe, Eddie included. His eyes usually end up watering when it happens, but he squints through them to look at Richie because in those moments, Richie glows like nothing else. He tries to act like it isn’t a big deal that everyone is pissing themselves from whateverthefuck he just blurted out of his incessantly flapping mouth hole, but Eddie can tell how thrilled he is when people actually find him funny. It's happening more and more often nowadays, enough so that Eddie sometimes wonders if maybe Richie is wasting his time at school after all. And who needs sports or music or art anyway?

And he could be a whole lot worse about Eddie’s germ thing if he wanted to be, like how some people give him hell about the pills and the inhaler and the hand washing. Richie doesn’t have detergent hands but he sure as shit will mouth off to anybody who gives Eddie a hard time about his. He can’t say Richie doesn’t at least try to look out for him, in his own weird way. Or Bill, or Stan, or Mike, or any of them. It causes more trouble than it’s worth more often than not, especially because Richie doesn’t have any discernable muscle with which to back up his shit-talking, so it probably would honestly be better if he would just like...not. But Eddie can’t really help appreciating it all the same.

But the hardest thing to ignore about Richie—and Eddie wouldn’t admit this to anyone, even under threat of death by clown—is that his memories of what Richie did for him over the summer have become a kind of personal, private shield against fear. They all try to avoid thinking about It as much as they reasonably can (which isn’t much; it’s not like you just go and forget about the time you and all your friends climbed down a haunted well so you could almost get eaten by a demon clown in the sewers), but Eddie’s positive he isn’t the only one who lies awake at night when the sound of his own pounding heartbeat is making him too nauseous to sleep.

The lights are off because it’s almost worse when they’re on. Maybe if he can’t see It coming, it’ll just eat him real fast and get it over with before he even knows what hit him. Still, he doesn’t want to die—instantly is preferable to slowly, but even better is not at all. So he’s developed a set of dozens of little rules for himself to follow—like no turning over, no breathing too deeply, no limbs outside the covers, no long, slow blinks (quick ones are okay; otherwise it’s eyes all the way closed or all the way open). Realistically he knows that not a single one of these rules means jack shit to anyone outside his own brain, but somehow no-ing himself into what amounts to a vegetative state eventually bores him to sleep. Okay, usually it does. More like occasionally. Actually it’s only worked like twice, but whatever. He’ll take what he can get at this point.

Sometimes Eddie thinks he has it worse than anyone else. Well, maybe not worse than Bill. But the rest of them—he isn’t sure if any of them can really understand exactly how fucking useless he felt down in that god-forsaken lair with his arm in a cast. Bill and Beverly were awesome, Mike was like a goddamn soldier, Stan was great after he’d finished crying and even Ben, who Eddie basically thinks of as the most inoffensive kid on the planet, was tough as balls. And Eddie felt like a worthless piece of shit. He hates his arm for being broken, and he hates his nightmares for always including the broken arm. It’s coming at him—just him—and his arm is hanging limply and there’s not a goddamn thing he can do—

And that’s where Richie comes in. Only when he thinks about Richie bitching Bill out for getting them all into this shit situation while inching toward the mountain of broken toys, Richie grabbing a baseball bat and saying now I’m going to have to kill this fucking clown...only then does the terror that surrounds him all through the night start to ease up.

And then he thinks a little further back about when he fell through the floor and broke his arm in the first place, about how all his friends were crowding him and freaking the fuck out, and Richie just looked at his arm and said he was going to set the break and snapped his bone back into place while Eddie shrieked at him to do not fucking touch me. Just like, grabbed his arm where it was dangling the wrong way and fucking did it.

Sometimes… Sometimes Eddie is positive that if It were to show up in his house on any given night, Richie would immediately come crashing through his bedroom window, swinging a baseball bat. Because somehow Richie would know if It returned, would know It was coming for Eddie, would show up in time. He’d show up and keep his shit together while Eddie couldn’t. He’d probably sometimes miss with the bat, but Eddie kind of suspects that it wouldn’t matter. Richie would stand between Eddie and It and just sort of suck all the scary out of the room with his endless, pointless trash-talking. And when Eddie thinks about it that way, it’s like you know what? Screw John McClane; Richie Tozier is Eddie’s hero.

And then Richie sticks his sweaty armpit in Eddie’s face and goddamn it Eddie can’t believe it’s Richie.

[unfolded73]

CS and being wayyyyyyy over competitive while playing a board game with Killian winning, Emma being a poor loser, and Killian unapologetic but still willing to ‘make it up to her.’ ;) Smutty!

So this settled into my brain as a Lieutenant Duckling AU for some reason? Hope that’s okay, anon! It is, as requested, smutty. Rated E, 3766 words.

Princess Emma hated Parcheesi.

She hated that it relied so much on luck because she didn’t consider herself a particularly lucky person. She hated how angry she got when she rolled poorly. She hated the white-hot rage that coursed through her when her opponent landed on the same space as her piece and sent her piece back home.

She hated that her opponent, giving her a smug grin right now over the board as he prepared to throw the dice, was Lieutenant Killian Jones.

The dice rolled to a stop.

“Double fours!” he crowed. Granny, sitting on the opposite side of the parlor and sound asleep, snored audibly.

“I hate you,” Emma whispered with a quick glance over at their supposed chaperone.

“You don’t hate me, Princess,” Killian said as he moved two of his pieces. “You’ve adored me since that day I saved you from drowning in the harbor.”

“I was hardly drowning. My gown was heavy, but I could’ve pulled myself out before I drowned.” He rolled the dice again and Emma crossed her arms. They’d had this argument a hundred times if they’d had it once. She’d been eight years old, accompanying her father, King David, to watch the commissioning ceremony for a new ship in the royal fleet. Antsy with the pomp and circumstance, the princess had pulled away from her governess and ran, but her foot slipped on the wet boards and she fell into the harbor. She could swim, but the sudden shock of icy water and the heaviness of her sodden gown made her panicked and confused about which way was up. Then just as suddenly, she felt an arm around her waist and a few seconds later, her head broke the surface.

Her savior had been eleven-year-old Killian Jones, an indentured servant on a merchant ship that happened to be docked next to the new naval vessel. Her father was so grateful for his quick reaction and bravery that the crown had paid for both Killian and his brother Liam to be freed from their servitude. Liam had joined the Navy not long after that, Killian following in his brother’s footsteps when he was old enough.

Killian and Emma had been friends ever since, even if they did dispute whether the incident that brought them together had been life-threatening.

“Anyway, I do hate you.” Finally, it was her turn, and she snatched the dice out of Killian’s upturned palm and rattled them in her hand. “I should have the guards throw you out of the palace.”

He gave her a pouty frown. “But I’m here at the invitation of your mother, the Queen.”

Emma rolled the dice. A one and a three. Sighing, she moved her pieces. “I hate this game.”

“Well, that’s certainly true, but the weather is too unpleasant for a walk in the garden.”

Flushing, Emma looked away from Killian’s too-blue eyes and stared down, the pieces doubling in her vision as she gazed unfocusing at the board.  

It had been two weeks ago that it happened.

He’d called on her as he did occasionally, her oldest, dearest friend Killian, almost her only friend when she was a coltish teenager who didn’t fit in with the other noble girls her age because she was too rowdy, too likely to say out loud what she was thinking, too interested in swords and not interested enough in dancing. So there was nothing unusual about Killian visiting the palace; he did so often when he was in port. On that particular Sunday, they had chosen to go for a walk in the garden. Granny was supposed to be chaperoning them, but as she usually did, she’d parked herself on a bench with her knitting, leaving them to wander the well-tended paths unsupervised.

“I need the dice back, Princess,” Killian said. He held his hand out, the dark hair from the back of his hand just visible near the edge of his palm. Something about that dark hair made Emma’s heartbeat pick up speed.

Emma felt the sudden urge to throw the dice at him. Instead, she carefully placed them in his hand, flashing him a sickeningly sweet smile.

“I’m sorry I missed your birthday,” he said as they meandered slowly between two rows of willow trees.

Emma shrugged. She’d been sorry too; it was her nineteenth, but she understood that he couldn’t control when his ship was out at sea. “You didn’t miss much. Cake, presents, a boring ball.”

Killian stopped walking, taking her hand. Which in and of itself wasn’t unusual, but it seemed like something shifted in her chest this time when she felt the skin of his palm against hers. “Still. I would have liked to have danced with you.”

“I hate dancing,” she answered automatically because it’s what she always said. It’s what she’d always thought, right?

“You’d like dancing with me,” he said with just enough false bravado to make her laugh and smack his arm.

Emma felt a pull toward Killian like he was exerting some kind of gravitational force on her. He wore his uniform, perfectly starched and pressed, and it made her a little bit dizzy to look at him in it. It kind of always had, since she’d been fifteen, standing in the front row at his commissioning and wondering why she felt so much like crying.

“I have no interest in dancing with you,” she said, even as she felt herself smiling almost against her will, felt herself stepping closer to him, the front of her dress brushing against his uniform. 

Killian lifted the hand he was holding into the air, putting his other hand on her waist. It seemed like it was searing her through the bodice of her gown. “Then why are you dancing with me now?” he asked, his eyes twinkling.

“I’m not,” she said, but when he began to move in a slow circle, she put her hand on his shoulder (it was hard to feel his shoulder muscles under his thick coat the way she wanted to, not that she’d imagined anything like this before, no of course she hadn’t) and followed his lead.

“You are.”

“Shut up.”

“Make me.”

Thinking only of wiping the knowing smirk off his face, Emma leaned in and pressed her lips to Killian’s.

Princess Emma had only kissed one other person in her life. The previous year, Baelfire, the son of the Dark One, had courted her. Her parents had obviously mixed feelings about such a match, but they had told her it was her decision, and that if she truly loved him, they would support her choice. Emma had thought Baelfire was everything she wanted, but in the end, he had broken her heart.

At first, she felt Killian freeze, and then he seemed to melt into her, pulling her closer with the hand on her waist and moving his lips against hers, soft and coaxing. It was everything she’d hoped kissing would feel like. Everything it hadn’t felt like with Baelfire.

Then it hit her like a ton of bricks. She was kissing Killian Jones. Emma jerked back, her hand going unconsciously to her lips.

She watched Killian’s face crumple.

“My princess, I do apologize. That was… I should not have done that, it was bad form. I had no right–”

“I kissed you,” she corrected him and then winced. Couldn’t she for once have a thought without saying it out loud?

Killian cleared his throat. “Nonetheless, we cannot… It isn’t my place to be so forward with you. I’m not… I’m no one. You’re the bloody princess of Misthaven.”

“So?”

Killian rolled the dice and moved one of his pieces until it landed on the spot where her leading piece sat, only a spare few spaces from the safety of her home row.

A younger Emma might have flipped the board. She considered it the height of maturity that instead, she stood up, rather calmly if she did say so herself, and stepped back from the table. “I quit. You win.”

“Emma–”

“I’m feeling rather tired,” she said, and she’d meant it as an excuse but she realized she did feel tired. Tired of being a princess, tired of holding herself still when she really wanted to run, tired of entertaining people by playing stupid board games when she’d really rather just… “If you’ll excuse me.” She turned on her heel and left the parlor, intent on making her way the few doors down the hall to her bedchamber, where she could fall apart in peace.

The heavy door to her bedroom was almost closed when Killian’s hand shot out and stopped it, his fingers pinched between the door and the doorjamb. She jerked the door back open and watched as he grimaced, holding his fingers with his other hand and shifting back and forth on his feet.

“That looked like it hurt,” she said impassively.

“It bloody well did.”

“That was a stupid thing to do,” she said, pulling him into her room and closing the door.

“I wasn’t thinking.” He looked around like a skittish colt, the whites of his eyes visible. “And I definitely should not be in here. Granny will kill me, and then have me locked in the dungeon, and then kill me again for good measure.”

“Granny’s going to be napping for a while yet.”

“And then your father will kill me too.”

“My father’s in council meetings all afternoon. Let me see your hand.” She held her own hand out.

Killian shook his injured hand like he was trying to bring feeling back into his fingers. “It’s fine.”

“Killian, let me–”

“I said it’s fine.”

“Why are you pretending like nothing happened?” Oh, well done, Emma, she thought, wishing for a trap door she could fall through. Maybe she could hide in the dungeon Killian was so convinced he was bound for.

“What?”

“Why are you pretending that everything’s normal, and that last time we didn’t…”

Killian reached up and scratched behind his ear, shifting from foot to foot. “Because I shouldn’t have allowed it to happen.”

“Wow, could you be a little more patronizing? Allowed?”

He huffed in frustration. “I just mean… you’re the princess. As much as I would want it to be so, you and I can never be.”

As much as I would want it to be so, that was all she heard. “My father was a shepherd.”

“They don’t know that. They think he was King George’s son.” Killian gestured at the window, indicating the wider world and the ‘they’ who would care who she was paired with. Who would care that she’s a princess and he used to be a deckhand.

“But my parents know.” She took a step toward him. “They know that love isn’t always politically expedient.” And then she slapped her hands over her mouth and groaned. “Why do words just spill out of my mouth like that?”

The smile that bloomed on Killian’s face was a remarkably lovely thing to see. “I adore that words just spill out of your mouth like that. And Emma…” Now it was his turn to step toward her. “Surely you know how hopelessly in love with you I am, don’t you?”

Her head felt fizzy, like the top of it was just going to pop off. “How would I know that? You never said.”

“It never occurred to me that you would return my affection. And after last time, I was certain that even if you did return my feelings, we could never–”

“Killian, shut up,” she said, pouncing on him.

She’d thought after the last time that she’d been awakened to what kissing was supposed to feel like.

Killian very quickly proved her wrong.

Emma did her best to follow his lead, opening her mouth when he did, licking his tongue with hers when she felt his tongue in her mouth. Ruby had explained all this to her in lurid detail, of course, the two of them hiding out down in the kitchen and sneaking cookies, but it was one thing to be told about kissing and it was another to experience it. Emma felt like her knees might give out and that she might just collapse to the floor if Killian wasn’t holding her up.

“Wow,” she said against his lips when they finally came up for air.

“Aye. My thoughts exactly.”

~*~

He wanted to wait before telling her parents.

Killian was expecting a promotion in a few months, and for some frustrating reason, he felt he’d be in slightly better standing with the king and queen with one more gold bar on his shoulder. Emma thought that was stupid, and she told him so on multiple occasions, mostly while they avoided Granny and snuck stolen kisses and touches in every empty palace room Emma could manage to push him into when no one was watching them.

“I just want to get on with our lives,” she whispered as they stood together in an unused music room dominated by a piano covered with a white sheet. Emma had never taken much to music lessons. She was probably the least accomplished princess she knew, at least when it came to traditionally princessy activities. When it came to wielding a sword or shooting a bow, she was second to none.

She bit at Killian’s lip, her hand snaking down to the front of his very white trousers. As it turned out, there was one other thing she was good at.

He let his head fall back against the wall, groaning softly. “There’s nothing I’d like more,” he said, his hips pressing against her hand. She felt the outline of his cock, stiff and straining inside his trousers, and she blushed, thinking for the millionth time of what it would be like when they could finally be together in bed as husband and wife. Emma was both terrified of the prospect (because he felt so big in her hand, and was he really going to fit inside her the way she’d been told?), and impatient for that day to finally come.

“Just a few more weeks,” he continued, his hand cupping her breast through the bodice of her gown. “I will… gods, Emma,” he gasped. “I will ask your father for your hand in marriage. And if he agrees, I’ll be down on one knee before you know what’s hit you.”

“I’m going to say yes,” she gasped as his fingers rolled against her nipple through her dress.

“That’s good.”

Her hips pressed against his leg, seeking pressure to relieve the burning want between her thighs but thwarted by the thick layers of fabric of her dress. Killian continued the torturous fondling of her breast, and Emma groaned in frustration.

(After an afternoon like this, she would often turn in early, eager to relieve the need that made her feel like her skin was going to peel off as she sat at the dinner table with her family, mildly sipping her soup course. She would find her shift wet with her own arousal, and would rub desperately at herself until her pleasure peaked, her thoughts always on Killian. His eyes and his profile and the way his legs looked in his polished black boots. The way the dark hair on the backs of his hands hinted at dark hair other places that she desperately wanted to see.)

“You all right, love?” he asked, taking her hand off of his groin and kissing her palm. He never allowed her to get very far with her explorations down there, another source of her frustration.

No, she wasn’t all right. She was out of her mind with wanting him. She panted into the narrow space between them, her hips moving fruitlessly. “I just need… I need…” She didn’t know how to articulate it. She needed to climax, but she had no idea what to ask him for. They couldn’t have sex before they were even engaged, that would be the height of foolishness. There could be no greater scandal than an unwed princess, heavy with child.

“Come here, darling,” he said, taking her hand and leading her over to the piano bench. He gently pressed on her shoulder, and Emma sat down. Killian knelt down in front of her.

“You can’t propose yet, not without my father’s blessing,” she said, her heart hammering in her chest.

“I know,” he said with a small smile. “Would you allow me to…” He stopped, running his hand through his hair. Spots of color stood out on his cheeks. “This is the height of improper, but… would you allow me to touch you?” His eyes flicked down to her lap. “To bring you pleasure?”

“Yes,” Emma said too quickly, and then giggled hysterically. “Please.”

He stood up on his knees, kissing her passionately. “Are you sure?”

“Killian, for the love of–”

“Sorry, sorry,” he chuckled against her lips, and then sat back on his heels again. He slowly brought his hand under the hem of her dress, trailing his fingertips up her stocking-clad leg. First her calf, then her knee, then her thigh, and Emma spread her legs for him, her eyes closing. She was breathing so fast, her heart close to hammering its way out of her chest, she was certain of it. With every inch higher his fingers crept, she felt closer and closer to spontaneously combusting right there in front of that stupid piano.

When Killian reached the top of her stocking, she felt him trace the edge of it, where the hem met her bare skin, and all she could hear was his harsh breathing. “I can’t wait to look at you in naught but these stockings,” he said, his voice raspy with desire. Emma just nodded in agreement. She couldn’t wait either.

“Scoot forward a bit, my love,” he said, and she did, balancing somewhat precariously on the edge of the seat and using her arms to brace herself. Then the tips of his fingers touched her most intimate of places, and Emma gasped, stifling a moan that threatened to burst out of her throat.

This was nothing like when she touched herself. This was a revelation.

“Gods, darling, you’re so wet,” Killian said.

“Sorry,” she said, suddenly terrified that he would find her body off-putting. She had no idea what it was supposed to be like. Perhaps hers was wrong somehow, and he would have to very kindly let her know it.

Killian rose up on his knees again, cupping her face even has his fingers continued to stroke her underneath her shift. “Love, no, it’s nothing to apologize for. It’s wonderful.” He kissed her. “You’re perfect, and so bloody sexy, and all I can think about is how badly I want to…” He bit off his words, even as his fingers kept up their rhythmic stroking, circling that little nub of flesh that Emma herself had found gave her the most intense pleasure.

“What?” she asked. “Tell me.”

His jaw clenched. “I want to bury my cock inside you,” he said, the words tumbling out seemingly against his will. “Right here.” He probed carefully with his index finger, and then she felt it slide slowly into her body. Emma gasped again, her throat parched with the way she’d been breathing harshly through her mouth.

“Am I hurting you?” he asked. She shook her head, and tentatively swiveled her hips, riding his finger. It was so intimate, being with a man like this, letting him explore her body where no one ever had.

“It feels good,” she told him. Letting go of the piano bench, she wrapped her arms around his neck, needing to be closer to the man she loved so that she didn’t feel so very exposed. He kissed her and then readjusted his hand so that his thumb could continue to work at that nub of flesh while his finger pressed deep inside. He crooked his finger, and she felt a deep almost-painful pleasure that made her legs start to tremble. Killian didn’t let up, rubbing and pushing in that perfect rhythm until she shattered, biting her lip hard to keep from moaning audibly and alerting any guards to their presence.

“Holy mother of…” she said finally as he carefully withdrew his hand from between her legs.

He chuckled faintly, looking shocked, either because of what he’d done or because of the way she reacted. She felt self-conscious again, hoping she hadn’t done anything weird.

“Was that… okay?” she asked.

“I should be asking you that,” he said, his cheeks still adorably pink.

“Yeah, I…” she laughed. “That was what I needed.”

Killian cupped her cheeks, kissing her gently. Emma could smell herself on the fingers that had touched her, which maybe she should have found unpleasant, but she definitely did not. It made another swell of desire roll over in her abdomen, the thought that what he had done had left traces of her on his skin. “You’re beautiful when you climax, darling.”

She blushed. “Really? You could tell when I…?”

He nodded, still planting little kisses on her lips, her cheek, the tip of her nose. “I could feel it,” he said. “I want to spend the rest of my life making your body do that.”

“I told you not to propose to me yet,” she said, grinning, and then looked down at the front of his trousers. “Do you need me to–”

Killian stood, adjusting himself and grimacing. “No, I’ll be fine, love, just give me a moment.”

“We probably shouldn’t stay in here any longer or Granny might actually realize we’re not where we’re supposed to be.” Standing and smoothing out her dress, Emma hoped she didn’t look as shaken as she felt. Her knees wobbled a little, and she was overly aware of the sticky sensation between her thighs. She’d be able to think of nothing else but this all day, she was sure of it.

Brushing his lips against hers briefly, Killian led her toward the door. “Shall we go do something wholesome, then? Perhaps a rematch in Parcheesi?”

Emma groaned. “I hate you.”

“You love me.”

CONTINUES IN PART 2

[iquit-timetodance]

I hate hookup culture. I hate it's prevalence in queer culture and furry culture, the two groups I identify with the most. If I were to pick another it would be dance, and these casual sex encounters certainly exist there too.

And I hate it because it's just sex. Which is great and fun and I'm honestly very glad people are off having sex with who they want in safe and consenting ways without being shamed for it! I don't hate it for people having sex, I hate it because it's JUST sex.

Because sex to me is this huge insurmountable obstacle that takes conscious effort and months of careful thought before I can engage in it. And I've skipped those steps before and spent hours crying in the shower afterwards, hours huddled under my blanket rocking myself to feel better, hours with my hands shaking at the thought of even knowing that a person I hooked up with is in the same city, same state, same country as me. That I gave my body to someone else.

And I feel dirty, I feel hollow, I feel like something that's left to ruin. I still feel this way when I remember the dozen or so hookups I had in senior year of college and the summer following it. I felt this way for a full year where I thought I'd swear off sex for good because even though I'd enjoyed it previously it wasn't worth the risk of feeling like this again. Of waking up from dreams about sex with tears in my eyes, nausea in my stomach, my whole body quaking with the disgust of being touched.

Because it's just sex. It doesn't have to Mena anything and people can do it just because it feels fun. And I've certainly had fun with sex in the past. I'll have fun with sex again too. But for me it's not JUST sex.

In the past year I found out that I could do casual sex. First time it was with someone who I was lying about not still being deeply in love with. Not great, but I craved touch, especially theirs. Then it was a friend who I met in person for the second time but had been talking about casual sex with for 7 months. Then someone else for whom it took 8. And with all of these people I'm okay, I don't feel like I've made a mistake, I'm actually quite happy with my decision! But it's not just sex.

It's me symbolically giving them my life, my body for which I have very complicated feelings is given entirely to them and they can do with it what they please. Because a partner's pleasure is just as important as mine, if not more, during sex

And to see these people hook up with someone they barely know? It hurts. They cna talk to someone for a week and then have sex. Hell, they can FILM it. And that's great for them, it really is! But wow does that make me feel broken. It makes me feel like I'm being too sensitive, too prudish, like maybe I'm the one on the wrong. Like maybe I'm not good enough at this carnal display to be worth it.

And that's not true, I know it isn't. Sometimes someone else is merely more convenient, or actually available, or it's just a fun thing to do with someone you don't attractive! And yet for me it's never that simple. It's still a game of "Am I going to give myself more trauma over this?" Every single time I have sex with someone I have to consider the ramifications, I've had to stop I nthe middle because I can feel this film of grime and horror begin to cover myself during sex

So what is it like to see someone I love deeply engage in this hook-up culture? This thing that's a part of the communities in which I have strongly built my identities that I can never be a part of because some part of my brain fucking breaks and causes the rest of me to shatter? The thought makes my entire chest ACHE

So keenly I feel this ache that the mere thought of it, of knowing that it's occurring, pulls me from sleep and dashes any further chance of that for the night. It infects my mind and draws my attention for days until I can mend this wound that causes a continuous pain. I still feel a twinge for something that happened 16 months ago along these lines

And these people I love have not made a commitment to me. These are not monamorous partners, these are just people who I want to have that with, people who have romantic feelings towards me. It's far too controlling for me to say "no you can't do this. You cannot engage in this part of the culture."

But is it controlling for me to say that it hurts to see it happen? Is it too much to say that it hurts because it's a part of the culture that I am barred from despite my best attempts? That it hurts because I too wish to engage in the culture but instead all I get is pain that doesn't heal for years and may never fully go away?

I hate hook-up culture because I want people to live their lives and not feel ashamed for doing so but its pervasiveness has isolated me from people I care about deeply

[whitehotharlots]

The XFL is going to fail, and I cannot be more excited about it

Come, my friends, and let us bask in the incompetent hubris of the Racist Rich.

The original XFL failed. The league lasted one season, and by the end of that season attendance and viewership were about on par with FCS (that is, D2) college football. The league cost NBC and the WWF tens of millions of dollars each. It only happened 17 years ago, but those who remember it remember it only as a punchline. Even by the standards of other “alternative” sports leagues of the last few decades, it was an unmitigated disaster.

But it’s coming back. Vince McWrestlingman learned his lessons, and the mistakes of the past shall not be repeated. The new league will be family friendly and gimmick-free. Gone will be the goofy presentation and customizable jerseys. Instead, America shall be gifted a league of old-fashioned, hard-hitting football free of the incipient uppitiness that has turned so many Republican dads away from the modern NFL.

The thing is, the gimmicks were far and away the most enjoyable parts of the old XFL. People did not dislike them, and a new league would benefit from them. The XFL took a less self-serious style to sports presentation. It focused more on the personalities of the players, and allowed them to act like humans on the field. They famously introduced the skycam, but they also implemented some kind of neat rule changes, like eliminating the extra point kick and allowing kicking teams to recover punts after they had traveled 15 yards.

There’s no reason to nix these gimmicks. Many viewers would welcome them. Good god, sports presentations could use some fucking levity. Jim Ross deserves to call football games. A league bereft of Joe Buck and Bob Costas would be blessing.

What’s being overlooked here is that the old gimmicks weren’t the only selling points of the league. Cultural spite was also prominently advertised. Players did not receive health insurance, and some rule changes were made to ensure a more brutal style of play (such as the initial elimination of fair catches). Players were paid a set wage per-game: QB’s got 5k, kickers got 2,500, and everyone else got 3,500, along with a bonus paid to the winning team. Again--underpaying players was not an incidental feature of a fledgling sports league. It was a selling point. The opening games heavily advertised the low pay through on-screen graphics.

The spite and gimmicks were not enough to overcome the low quality of play. No one capable of playing the NFL (or CFL, or possibly the Arena League) would ever consider playing a substantially more dangerous sport for a small fraction of what they’d get paid elsewhere. Hell, some guys on NFL practice squads make more than XFL players. The talent pool will third or fourth tier, and that is going to be reflected in the on-field product, and no display of vulgar patriotism will be enough to paper over that fact.

God… Y-you know what’s happening? This hits me every once in a while, but it’s still hard to comprehend: conservatives actually believe their own bullshit. It’s easy to forget that, sometimes, but… wow. It’s actually true.

MacMahon has bought into the notion that the NFL’s decrease in viewership is due to outrage over anthem protests. That’s what Republicans genuinely believe. Only it’s objectively, absolutely, demonstrably untrue. But unlike every other area, where Republicans are allowed to believe insane things and are fully insulated from the fallout of their incorrect beliefs, this one will come at real financial cost. It’s kind of beautiful, when you think about it.

First off, the decline in NFL viewership is greatly overstated. National broadcasts of regular season games fell off about 10 percent this season, but local games didn’t suffer nearly as much (and, it should be noted, the decline started at least a year before the anthem protests). This decline is in line with greatly decreasing TV viewership rates overall, especially among young people. People have less free time and more options to do other stuff during that free time. TV is expensive. The decline in NFL viewership most likely has very little, if anything, to do with the NFL itself. 

Anthem protests probably had some effect, but that effect was negligible. The growing awareness of CTE is just as likely to have affected ratings. And if actually it is something the league is doing--which, again, it’s probably not--the most plausible explanation is that the league has overextended its national presence with Thursday night games, and that the quality of play has gone down because the most recent Collective Bargaining Agreement incentivizes owners to cut veterans in favor of less experienced players.

So if people really are turning away from the NFL because of the NFL, it’s not because the players are coddled or too darn political. It’s because of the very opposite--because the owners are ideologically opposed to paying their employees what they are worth.

The NFL is still the most popular and profitable sports league in the US. They still pay their players the smallest portion of total revenue of all 4 major leagues. Where--where the hell does the XFL come in?

My only guess is that maybe McMahon is hedging against potential rule changes that would help mitigate brain damage? Liberal writers have been mentioning this for a while, saying that the league might change so severely that it will be barely recognizable in only a decade or two.

That’s not going to happen, though. This just not how America works. We don’t respond to immoral health crises by hurting the bottom line of those who profit from them. A grade school classroom got massacred in 2012, under Democratic leadership, and we did proudly did nothing in response. Wall Street tanked the world economy in 2008, and we did nothing in response. BP destroyed an entire American ecosystem… and we did nothing in response. Penn State, and now Michigan State, just facilitated two of the biggest and most immoral molestation scandals in US history, and--you guessed it--we did nothing in response. At every level of our national psyche, we refuse to countenance any action that might hurt the financial standing of the rich. We would sooner kill literally everyone on earth.

The NFL will continue to engage with CTE by making meaningless rule and equipment changes, and by funding studies that obfuscate the actual dangers of football. That’s it. That’s all they need to do. They will never do anything that would spur viewers to watch another league.

And so the XFL has no chance of success. Zero. McMahon isn’t just betting on spite conquering all--he is so blinded by spite, so hypnotized the all-encompassing petty hatred that is the entirety of American conservatism--he’s so fucking sure of himself, so sure of his broken and wrong worldview, so used to never having to pay a single cent for his mistakes, that he’s about to sink tens of millions of dollars into a black hole.

And that’s funny. I will enjoy watching that unfold.