#and maybe it doesnt wear off??
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getting the attention of the humanoid typhoon
#vashwood#vash the stampede#nicholas d wolfwood#trigun#trigun maximum#wolfwood menace arc#he also wouldnt know HOW obvious to make it so he's just ramping it up throughout the day#but vash is sooooo used to repressing but also experiencing this kind of want so strongly for the first time#makes him wear the most obvious expressions.... while wolfwood is ALSO not used to being wanted in this way so he would be none the wiser#to vash's obvious expressions -- does that make sense. theyre silly. theyre so silly its like an endless loop#and then wolfwood is like ok i guess im doing something wrong or maybe he just doesnt want me like that. whatever! we move on#vash: dying crumbling - wondering if ww is doing it on purpose but also too nervous to ask until he starts literally taking off layers#ruporas art
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not enough discussion about the gavins' complicated relationship with feminine-coded/beauty products, i don't think.
#for klavier because it's not as direct it's about how we never see him actually wearing lipstick? even though apollo literally attends#a concert of his which is where you'd most expect him to wear makeup. but apparently he just doesnt. or at least not in public#klavier gavin#kristoph gavin#i feel like there are several ways you can read into it. the misogyny/toxic masculinity one is really obvious clearly with kristoph's#singling out of men specifically and klavier's (probably accidental?) condescending manner of calling women 'fraulein' plus his general#mildly patronising attitude towards many of the women in the game (also probably unintentional)#(i think he's trying to be charming and it's coming off wrong to some of them. like ema. and me.)#but i feel like there's also maybe an element of... inherent perfecfionism to it? like both of these products are conventionally beautifyin#products and kristoph while he is open to showing people he uses nail polish specifically chooses one that's clear and missable unless you#see him apply it. he also feels the need to justify his use of it and specifically spell it out as something he chooses to do rather than#needs to do even though duh. that should be obvious.#idk there's just something about his seeming need to take control of that narrative that i find interesting. his need to spin it into a#'there's nothing wrong with my nails but I had the foresight to see that even the smallest parts of my appearance should be kept immaculate#and it's a choice i'm making to refine an already adequate part of my personage /not/ to cover some unsightly defect.' the need to emphasis#that specifically is so. hm. and with klavier i could see it being a case of him liking makeup liking the pops of colour yet being unwillin#to admit to it because he's afraid that other people might see it as him being dissatisfied with his own appearance regardless of if he is#or isn't. or even just perceiving colourful makeup as being unseemly because it's so overt and unnatural.#like i can see this as them both viewing 'real' beauty to be that which is inherent to a person and seemingly effortless#thus somehow negating the beauty which one achieves through cosmetics or other external means.#and if you want to use external means to achieve beauty or neatness or whatever then your only valid options are those which blend into you#natural state. like clear nail polish. or really awful spray tan.#i feel like klavier's less confined by these ideas (if they hold merit at all) considering he actually owns coloured lipstick and he wears#jewellery (admittedly quite 'masculine' jewellery no gems or pearls or anything like that but jewellery nonetheless) but i think it just#makes it more interesting that he doesnt seem quite able to cross the line anyway. like it's that ingrained into his system.#anyway that's all i've got. you guys should tell me what you think too#annotations
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What would a mother not do for her child What lengths would a mother not go There's a bond that exists between mother and child With no end to how strong it can grow It's a promise for life between mother and child It begins from the moment of birth.
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She is six years old, and standing on the porch at her Auntie Alicia’s cabin. She is six years old, and holding an old rifle in her hands, standing at the railing and pointing the nozzle at a large target a couple feet away. There’s a pair of old ear muffs covering her ears. Behind her is her daddy and her sister, and Auntie Alicia. She can’t see them.
Danielle Martha Fenton is six years old, and her momma has her arms wrapped warmly around her, keeping the gun steady for her. It’s heavy and the butt digs into her shoulder uncomfortably, and she feels nothing but determined. And nervous.
Her momma was teaching her and Jazzy how to shoot, and they’re down in Arkansas to visit Auntie Alicia for her second “Divorce-iversary” as Auntie calls it. She keeps a hunting rifle in her gun safe for the rabbits that like to nibble on her garden. She mostly grows rhubarb, which goes untouched. But her carrots and greens and other veggies like to be tempting snacks for the game.
Regardless, she is six years old and learning how to shoot. Her momma and her daddy (mostly her daddy) have been banned from every shooting range outside of Amity Park in a hundred mile radius. So Auntie is the best place to learn, or so momma says.
Danny thinks it's just an excuse to see her sister, not that she's complaining. She loves visiting Auntie.
She’s already seen Jazzy do this, her momma told her before the muffs went on to shoot when ready. No use trying to fire when you’re not; you can’t afford to miss when shooting ghosts.
Danny breathes out steady, just like momma taught her, and quells her trembling little fingers. She focuses down the barrel, and pulls the trigger.
Immediately, the recoil throws her off, the side of the gun that her cheek was resting on knocks against her skin, harsh enough to bruise if it weren’t for her momma’s steady hands holding onto her. The bang of the gun startles her more than she thought it would, and her heart leaps up and runs a jackrabbit through her chest.
The gun is carefully slipped out of her hands, and Danny lets it go easily, her cheek smarting in pain and her eyes wide and following up to momma. Momma turns the safety on, and with a gentle hand, pushes against her chest. Danny takes a few steps back, and slips the ear muffs off her head.
Mommy is smiling big at her, something that Danny can’t help but replicate on her own face as her heart swells. “Did I get it, momma?” She asks, watching as she passes the gun off to Auntie Alicia, who steps over to take it.
“I’m going to go see, sweetie, but I think you did.” Momma coos, before planting both her hands on the porch railing and, in a single leap, vaults over the side and onto the grass. She’s dressed all comfortable for the summer heat, with her hair all tied back and in shorts and a tank top and nice boots. Danny’s ribs swell hopefully, and she stands on her tiptoes to watch her walk over.
“I’ll be hard-pressed to believe if you didn’t, Martha Mae,” Auntie tells her, grinning like a cat, “that was a damn good shot.”
‘Martha Mae Knight’ was Danny’s granny’s name. Auntie Alicia calls her that because of her middle name — and because, by her words, she has her momma’s weird-shaped eyebrows and piercing blue eyes. The kind that could scare a hawk into singing like a robin. It was Danny’s favorite nickname ever.
Daddy laughs brightly, the sound painful on her ears but twice as nice, and despite the distance, Momma whirls her head around to shoot Auntie a glare; “Language, Alicia. Not around my girls.” She warns. Her accent always comes through when they’re around Auntie. It’s Danny’s favorite thing to listen to.
“Do you think so, auntie?” Danny says, bright-eyed and ever-optimistic. Auntie Alicia nods fiercely as Momma finally reaches the target and searches for the bullet hole. Daddy then comes up behind her, still laughing, and claps a hand onto her shoulder so hard that it makes her knees hurt.
“Of course she did!” Dad boasts, as bright as the sun and twice as warm. He shakes Danny affectionately, wobbling her on her feet and pulling her straight into his side. She goes so willingly with a burble of giggles. “She’s got the eyes of a Fenton! And our family are darn good shots.”
Auntie eyes him up and down, her smile immediately fading off into a pressed line. “I’m sure you mean she’s got the eyes of a Knight. You couldn’t hit the broad side of a barn at twenty paces, Jack Fenton.”
Jazzy holds back giggles from where she’s standing by the door, her ear muffs in hand, and Danny watches her Daddy’s dark eyes immediately narrow. Just like Auntie’s, his smile tapers off into a frown.
Before he can say anything, there’s a cheer from the yard, and they all turn to Momma clapping her hands in delight.
Danny immediately pricks her ears up, and would’ve darn near rushed over to the railing if it weren’t for her Daddy’s hand on her shoulder. She yells instead, excitement thrumming like a hummingbird against her ribs, “Did I hit it, momma?!”
Momma beams at her with all the pride in the world, “You sure did, Danny!” And she turns to press her finger against the target, right on the inside red ring of the battered old bag. “Right here, sweet girl!”
There are cheers from all around, and Danny’s heart bursts inside her lungs with shiny, sunshine glee. She puffs her chest out big, and smiles so wide it hurts the cheek where the gun smacked her. Her Daddy shakes again, squeezing her tight against his side in a hug that Danny happily reciprocates.
“What’d I tell you, Martha Mae?” Auntie tells with a big wink and a wide grin, the gun still gripped tight in her hands as Momma makes her way back over. “You got a Knight’s eye.”
When Momma makes it back over the railing, she hugs Danny tight and praises her shot. Danny looks her in the eyes and chases the feeling, and asks to shoot again.
#danny fenton is not the ghost king#dpxdc#cw gun#cw gun mention#dp x dc#dp x dc crossover#dpxdc crossover#dpxdc au#dp x dc au#martha knight au#female danny fenton#fem danny fenton#danny is martha wayne au#got a little something something written for this au. the dichotomy of the happy memory and the fact that she's being taught this to shoot#ghosts. the innocence of a child and the reality of the situation :]. as well as danny's steadily disillusion from her parents as she grows#fun fact! this memory is based off one of my own when my dad was teaching us how to shoot so we could (eventually) go hunting with him.#i was around danny's age i think. a little bit younger maybe. so a lot of this stuff -- like Maddie helping her hold it up and them#wearing earmuffs and Danny immediately getting the gun taken away after she shoots and danny herself backing up are all based off#what i could remember. albeit the only difference here is Alicia holding the gun and Jack and Jazz standing behind Danny. in my own memorie#iirc we were all supposed to stand inside when it wasnt our turn. but we also didnt have enough earmuffs for everyone to stand outside.#slaps danny's head like the roof of a car: you can fit SO much trauma in this kid. enjoy her joy while it lasts :]#smth smth the idea that the fenton parents weren't bad at first but instead became a steady decline once they got into building the portal#smth about how danny knows somewhere that they could improve because they were good before. but they aren't and she wonders#who they love more: their daughters. or ghosts? (the answer is their daughters but danny finds this out in a way she doesnt expect)#that beginning song lyric is from “after all” by christine ebersole btw. its danny's theme song for the au.#i thank god every day for being a daycare teacher because the word 'daddy' has been CLEANSED for mEEEEEEEEEEE
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The whole transandrophobia discussion thing is weird bc it feels like it's a bunch of poc and jewish trans people being like "here are my experiences of how specifically being MASCULINE had affected me, and the discrimination and violence I experienced based on that. And here is how that relates to me being a racial/ethnic minority"
And then a few loud white trans people going "ohhh you wanna be oppressed so bad you *slur*. This is why there aren't any poc in your movement it's because REAL poc understand intersectionality"
#hot take white culturally christian or athiest leftests do not properly interpret white jewish ppl#like as a poc i and other poc understand that white jewish ppl often get racial privilege#but a) not always b) they experience oppression based off of their ethnicity#idk from my perspective it seems like white goyim either see jewish ppl as 'the disgusting exotic enemy' or 'basically WASPS but they#wanna feel special'#with no nuance. no recognition#look maybe this next part is bc i didnt grow up with jewish ppl and therefore didnt know until I was 18/19 that jewish ppl can count as#white. but like. idk how to say this. i dont wanna speak over white jewish ppl. but like.#jewish ppl that have obvious jewish features (whether Ashkenazi facial features OR they dont have those but wear eg kippahs)#arent like. white. idk pls correct me if this is antisemitic or incorrect or something.#but like. light skinned =/= white obviously.#i just struggle to see how my bestfriend with her lovely dark eyes and curls and nice nose counts as 'white' when ppl call her the k slur#across the street. ykwim?#like white doesnt mean light skinned. it means 'part of the in-group of white ppl'#like my ex who is white and jewish? yeah hes white. if he didnt wear his necklace then goyim wouldnt know. you know#like obvs he still experiences ethnic oppression but he doesnt experience racial oppression#but other ppl with more prominent eg ashkenazi (im singling them out bc most jewish ppl here are ash.) like i dont GET how they have racial#privilege.
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what do we think about pet store workers team xen
#for the pet thing i had a bit ago#neved doesnt work with them hes just a delivery driver for some of their supplies. he mostly helps out with his wifes orphanage#idk if clear kieran and eden are around too or not though im not thinking that hard about it#jenner used to work there too but he quit and works for something at home#hes like a stay at home dad now or something#cassandra is either part of corporate or shes just the evil mayor of gdc still and has no affiliation to them idk#she still has something going on with madelis no matter what though#eli and sharon work part time and ren is like the guy who gets them coffee or something. runs delivery too maybe#regina comes in sometimes too to flirt with nastasia when she can but thats like a side thing and completely unrelated#btw zepto is like a clay figure zetta made and is either alive or just a figure. you decide#sorry i was trying to think of something rejuv related to draw and ended up thinking a little too hard about the pet thing. my bad#pokemon rejuvenation#if you have no idea what im talking about with the pet thing its just rejuv but they have weird looking pets instead of pokemon#and i guess technically a modern au. whatever. melia still has the power of god and anime in her. dont worry about it#zetta isnt a clone though hes just a guy. idk where he comes from but hes jenners son and melias older brother#im not drawing madame x im sorry. but know she really does show up to her store wearing all that and never takes it off. + the uniform#oh and nastasia still just straight up has deoxys. dw about it
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MADE EDITS i couldn't stop thinking about their outfits and like,, the aspects i liked and thought felt very winx and in line with the individual characters and the aspects i Hated and thought sucked dookie SO i made some edits :)
biggest changes are to musa, aisha, and stella! actually changed the clothes there. flora and tecna i just adjusted the colors (in flora's case to further unwhitewash her and saturate her clothing more and in tecna's case to bring back her pink hair and green and cyan).
explanations on changes below!
I'll start with the simpler edits!
For Tecna, I just wanted to play around with her og colors lol I actually LOVE her new look and I would love to see this be the final design!! It's SO tecna and fits in with the rest of the winx i love it soo much :') I do think they should bring back her pinker hair though! And again, would love to see the green and cyan make an appearance. I feel like neon green is just very classy techy character. And while it is cliche, I do love it akjgd plus I think it looks good on her and makes the other colors stand out more imo! (but maybe this new, pinker look will make people like her more idk :') justice for tecna my beloved :'))
For Flora, I darkened her skin more for obvious reasons. And then I added more saturation to the colors and added back the warmer tones they took out. Imo, the darker, desaturated, and cooler toned look for Flora only works in very specific circumstances. Color theory rainbow!! Bring back the brightness! The color!! The warmth!!
Which brings me to Stella ohmygod,,, please,,,, please stop desaturating her she looks so pale and sick and lifeless STOP please :') Anyway lol, obviously brought back the brighter orange! I also took away the random sleeve. It's cute but it just didn't feel very Stella at the time? The tube top look is Very Classic Stella (very much giving s3 casual but in orange). Tbh, I don't love the dress itself, but I do think it looks better once you add more of Stella's colors. I also tanned her skin more and made her hair more yellow + brighter! Just like with Flora, color theory is important for media!! This Stella design just does Not give sunny, optimistic character. It's giving the gap (aka BORING aljdhg)
Aisha's design stumped me for a bit, I won't lie. I couldn't figure out exactly what I didn't like. But I got it!! One, way too symmetrical imo. Yes, Aisha does have some very symmetrical looks, but like 80% of her looks are very asymmetrical. I also didn't love that it didn't incorporate more of Aisha's powers. It really just went for *vaguely sporty* and didn't try to bring anything else to the table. And some people might say that Aisha's og looks were like that too, but I disagree! They told a story! She's a brave adventurer, a dancer, a princess, etcetc!! This tells me "oh yeah this girl might like to do yoga. cool."
Anyway! So I made Aisha's pants baggier because let's be fucking real for a sec. Changed the design on the pants slightly to make it asymmetrical and incorporated a wave design. Took away that bottom shiny fabric of her shirt. I tried to keep it but it just wasn't looking great with the pants changes tbh. Added small waves to the bottom and made it one shoulder! Also added her classic little circle wave design 1. because it's cute and 2. so Musa wouldn't feel so out of place with a design. Tbh, I still don't love the pants... I think maybe that hem could be higher?
For Musa! I've spoken about this before but I do not like the bodysuit. I liked the concept and the vibe it brings, but it looks So uncomfortable and s1 Musa was alllll about being comfortable. It's why so many people think she hates wearing dresses (even though she doesn't). So I kept the vibe, but changed it to the same mesh that's on her right arm! Which like!! I didn't even see that until I started the edit!! It's so,,, unnoticeable which like,, isn't a bad thing? But also? I think the mesh being on her stomach too makes the design as a whole a little more balanced (and it's a nice callback to her og magic winx!). As for the color changes, really just wanted to go back to her reds and dark blues. I don't Hate the color scheme, but I also don't love it. And I think this feels a lot more like Musa yknow? Also darkened her hair cause fuck that dude
Anyway lol it's not the best edit so don't look too hard :') I just wanted to explore what I liked about the designs and what I didn't. We did get to see a little bit of Bloom's casual, but I want to wait until we get a closer look to speak on it/make edits. Also tbh, I don't really love Flora's outfit but I didn't want to completely redesign her and I concede that this is something she would wear (although it feels more like s4 cowgirl time/s5 casual and not s1 new student time but Fine). For now, I'm gonna pretend the trailer showed us my edit of Stella and not what it really showed. I can't get pale pinterest stella out of my head,,, aggghhhh
#tbh i don't love stella being monochrome that much but trust me the pink wasn't working#as a whole though the goal was to make it feel more like Them and make them feel more individual!!#as others have mentioned.. the constant baby pink is Sooo annoying and it makes them blend together way too much#its not a cohesive vibe its just 'here lets all wear pink for no fucking reason'#but anyway while i don't Love stella being all orange i feel like it doesnt stand out tooo badly thanks to tecna#also again i still really hate aisha's pants :') idk they look SO off to me#the wave was a big brain moment but i fear not even that could save her#i think im gonna do another edit for her later!#anyway. thoughts? comments? concerns?#tbh i am loving seeing all the positivity toward the new outfits#like yes ive seen my fair share of hate but i feel like fans are genuinely looking forward to this#and keeping an open mind even with the things they don't love!#i love that :') we haven't had that in the winx fandom since like.. world of winx maybe... and even that had a lot of hate#because of the whitewashing especially which valid but even smaller things that were just Different#so its really nice to see people so genuinely excited and looking forward to it!! its probably helping the morale at rainbow lol#winx club#mine.edits#mine.art#winx club spoilers#kind of i still dont know if these are Final designs but im going to treat them as such since we're getting closer to the release
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young elim doesnt sew but he DOES knit a PRODIGIOUS amount. standing in line for hours at the cardassian dmv playing his role as a cog in the bureaucratic machine needles clacking away
#dee s 9#garashir adoption au#you know cardassian ravelry is popping OFF#sending a message to a designer only to realize they havent been active since the Great Genocide like aww.....#RIP scalesnneedles69420 i guess ill never get my question about the yoke gauge answered#anyways Lim always has yarn and needles in his shoulder bag so he can knit on the go. keeping his family well appointed#garak in a very handsome Faire Aisles sweater. iskra proudly showing off her elaborate knit mitts.#julian gets socks. because he never wears sweaters. its too hot. he doesnt appreciate them.#i feel like exposure to bajoran culture would create a renaissance in openwork knitting. lots of asymmetrical lace and net patterns.#vs the cardassian INCH THICK FOR WARMTH. IMPERMEABLE AND FIREPROOF knits#maybe julian can get a nice filmy silk yarn asymmetric openwork bolery sort of thing.#Lim really has to overextend himself to make it. get out of his comfort zone. fulminate over the lackadaisical design and lack of seams
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my little sister sent me the back of a book she wanted to get me for christmas and.... girl im so sorry but im 30 years old* and i only read books a grad student might be assigned to read as homework.
what have i ever done or said that made you think "oh man this is a perfect book for corv"
i told her it didnt seem like my kind of thing and she seemed so disappointed.... and then i learned that apparently she already bought the book???? then why did you ask me if i wanted it....... if you just sent it to me, i would have pretended to be interested.... if you asked me before you bought it, you could have saved your money..... what's the point of asking me NOW
#anime life#*ok im 29 im not 30#but im rounding up#im just so baffled by how she came to this decision#she doesnt read so it's not like its a book she loved and wanted to share#maybe her parents signed off on it being a good pick?#they have no idea what i like either#which is frustrating because i dont think im hard to figure out#its just that i tell people that right now im only interested in mtg legos and The Classics#and they go “hmmmmm but i don't like those things so can you get intetested in something else instead?”#my sister keeps asking me what makeup she can buy for me for christmas#none????? i never wear makeup!!!!!!#stop asking!!!!!
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did a round of eye swaps this weekend! it's the most ive done all at once, and i gotta say, i do not recommend it. by the time i got new eyes in these four, my hands were begging me to stop, so poor Priscilla sat eyeless for a while. but I'm really happy with the results!
let me walk you through the process a bit.
i used this guide to help decide which eyes i wanted to use.
this all started because i wanted Daria's eyes for Zooey.
Daria's eyes don't match her color scheme at all, and this has always bothered me about her. they stand out too much, and its jarring. but that minty blue and pale pink are Zooey's colors exactly, it would complete her alien vibe perfectly.
but, unfortunately, Zooey and Daria have different eye chips. Daria has the Twins eye chip, which has four pegs to keep it in place in the socket, and Zooey has the newer B2 chip, which has only two prongs. i was worried that Daria's eyes wouldnt fit in Zooey's head, so i prepared a backup donor: Simone.
Simone has the CNY eye chip, first introduced in Lily Cheng, the Special Edition doll for the Chinese New Year in 2022. this eye mold is more similar to the B2 eyes since it also has only two prongs, so if Daria's eyes didnt sit right in Zooey, these might be a better fit. the colors arent as perfect, but it could work.
except that Darias eyes fit Zooey perfectly. she looks so cute! now her eyebrows are even more out of place, but I'll get to that later.
i had already taken out Simone's eyes to compare the two, so she was given Zooey's eyes.
i was blown away by how incredible she looks! so soft and sweet. i was fond of her before, but she's crawled up into my top ten faves with this one alteration.
now, i was going to give those eyes to Daria, but they obviously belong to Simone now. Daria still needs brown eyes though, so i brought out a more fitting donor for her: Priscilla. she has the same color eyes as Zooey, but in the Twins eye chip.
perfect for ms. Daria, much more natural. it's just what she needed.
now, i wasn't intending to bring Minnie into this, but her eyes are a bit unusually dark, and i had Simone's eyes sitting there.. and well. i already had the hair dryer out.
honestly? a serve. she has B2 eyes originally, like Zooey, so the lashes are Just under her eyelid but they still fit her sculpt pretty well.
at this point, my hands were aching, and i had worn a blister into my thumb, so i had to take a break. Pris was going into the stock box anyway, so there was no pressure to finish her, but the next day i came back and gave her Minnie's eyes for safekeeping.
she looks a little sleepy, but overall pretty cute. she probably won't stay this way because she's going into the potential custom pile, but its fine for now.
look at these four and how perfect they are!! Zooey and Daria came out exactly how i planned, but i am still so shook by how beautiful Simone is now. i just cant stop looking at her.
I'll be reblogging to add more photos, including side by side comparisons to the stock photos since tungle will only let me post 10 pictures at a time
#or is it 12? idk theres a limit though#im very pleased with my work but the tips of my thumbs are just numb now.#i really recommend wearing some sort of gloves if youre going to do this#just because the plastic has to be Hot and you wont realize your fingers are burning until theyre already burned#maybe like a cheap winter glove or a gardening glove#rubber/vinyl/latex gloves are probably too thin to actually help#I've done other eye swaps before just never this many at a time#i was feeling crafty i guess#well i was mostly looking at daria and zooey and Wishing. and then i remembered i could fix them#and again#zooey still doesnt look like this anymore#i took off her brows later#and she looks AWESOME#photos coming soon.#also more pics of simone because shes perfect.#my dolls#dolls#rainbow high#shadow high#rainbow high collection#rainbow high collector#doll collector#dollblr#doll custom#custom doll#doll mods#doll customization#rh#doll#rainbow high doll
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people be like clothes have no gender and the moment they see a man in a dress they go "omg trans/gay???" like please calm down.
#like its actually so invalidating of our experience bcs maybe i do want to wear a dress but that doesnt mean im a woman#you should never assume someone's gender or sexuality based off of damn clothes#just because harry styles wore a dress doesnt automatically mean anything about his identity#maybe he just wanted to wear a dress!
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god i hate everyone
#who thought it would be cute to immediately start ribbing me about how hairy and bald and ugly im gonna be when i go on t#one. im taking minoxidil. two. i wanna be hairy. and three. im not transitioning to attract you guys im transitioning to attract other trans#people! other trans guys find it hot come on!#like ok so dads brother is out here rn right#so first mom tells me hes gonna ask me questions about being trans. ok fine.#second she starts going on about how i had to be emotionally vulnerable with like 3 different therapists for this. whatever.#then when i start participating in the conversation she immediately asks “so how are you feeling about losing all your hair”#THEN she has the audacity to say to my uncle “yeah its sort of a gamble hes either gonna end up hairy like the italian side or fairly#baby smooth like yall“ when she fucking KNOWS that im dysphoric about my lack of body hair#and this happens every time! and its out of nowhere constantly!#all the while the cis men in the room are fucking bullying me with all this toxic masculinity bullshit!#sometimes i just wish i had never come out is all im saying#kept this a secret until i became an adult yknow. yeah i would have to do everything myself but it wouldn't be like this#just because i told you that you could call me a fag doesnt mean youre suddenly allowed to do microagressions constantly#shes tickled to fucking death with calling my future bottom growth my “teenie weenie” what the fuck! what the fuck!!!#and meanwhile every time i try to say words or make a joke my dad and grandpa jump on the fucking opportunity to correct me! or cut me off!#sorry im fucking exhausted i barely slept at all the night before last and got i think maybe 7 hours of sleep at most last night#and i just got out of therapy which always wears me out
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so there's a trans woman who goes to the centre and everyone calls her by her birthname which she is like... fine with but only because she has no choice but to be fine about it. anyways I've known her for a while through a trans group before the centre so I asked her today if she'd rather I call her by her birthname or her chosen name and she said she prefers her chosen name but I can call her by her birthname if I want and oh my god I was about to cry for her bc god I really feel that whole situation fjdkdl, I just told her "no I WANT to call you by the name you prefer, that's why I'm asking, I want to make sure it's safe for you if I call you [preferred name]" and she seemed so grateful and I'm just :') eeurrgghh i hate how we have to be grateful with crumbs !!!
its just absolutely wild to me that she's presenting femininely and wears skirts and dresses and everything and uses her preferred name when she writes her name down on stuff and yet everyone at the centre calls her by her birthname and he/him pronouns. like. how are people so fucking rude and oblivious ??? she's even worn a she/her pronoun pin to the centre like.... people are so fucking stupid about trans people I stg.
idk I'm just hoping to make her feel a bit more comfortable and maybe if I start calling her by the right name and pronouns then everyone else will too eventually because I know she doesnt feel safe correcting people. I'm not going to make a big thing of it obviously bc I don't want to put her in danger but I will be using the correct name and pronouns now that I've double-checked with her about it, and if I start feeling like it's making things worse for her then I'll check in with her again at that point. I've honestly been stumbling trying to use he/him for her when I mention her to other ppl because she is just... she/her in my brain. it's what I know she wants to use so it feel fucking awful to use anything else !!!
#and my counselor said smth abt her that rly didnt sit right with me#but i was too scared to challenge her on it and ask what she meant by what she'd said#it might just be that this woman talks too much and will talk my ear off if i let her fjfkdl#and then i wont make friends if i just sit with her every day like i was doing the first couple weeks#but smth abt the way she said smth more like... ''getting sucked into all the stuff [she] has going on''#but said in a more... eugh way#idk it set off transphobia alarm bells in my head. ''ooh man wearing a dress who thinks he's a woman how crazy and perverted'' sort of vibe#I'm just... worried. that my counselor is transphobic lmao. I haven't talked abt any of my gender stuff w her#she can she/her me all she wants lol I don't talk about gender w mental health professionals ever after that initial exp a few yrs ago#I DONT KNOW THOUGH THIS IS JUST RLY MESSING WITH ME#LIKE WHY ARE PEOPLE BEING SO WILLFULLY OBLIVIOUS ???#its really fucking upsetting and I've been trying to not let it get to me too much but jesus fucking christ c'mon people 😭😭😭#im hoping i can maybe help change things for the better bc I'll be someone on her side#since she doesnt seem to have that there. god I've cried abt this a few times bc its just awful#and it rly reminds me a bit of my own situation where i just. grin and bear the misgendering and wrong name#except im a coward compared to her fjdksl i never mention my name or pronouns#i will say though that she has consistently misgendered me no matter how often I've reminded her of my pronouns fjdksl#but like... they/them is difficult. i get that. I can't hold it against her esp bc she's in her like 50s or smth#head in my hands. i wish life were kinder to all of us. i hope one day things can be easier#pippen needs 2nd breakfast#transphobia#transmisogyny#<- for blacklists. i uhhh hope this doesnt turn up in searches but oh well !!!
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the symbolism of giving characters glasses or shades or visors to show that they’re metaphorically Blind To Something either because of anger or grief or naïveté etc etc things of such nature
#then there’s the symbolism of giving them such accessories as a way to close off themselves and hide a part of themselves#that’s for a different post THIS post was brought to u by godot. because i think about him everyday#Yea he literally neees the visor to see but have you considered he’s so consumed by anger and grief and pain that he#Literally Sees Red like he LITERALLY SEES RED . he literally sees red. ? Do you understand#this post was also brought to you by my beautiful daughter no way back who Doesn’t have a visor. but it does look like one#so it kind of counts. and also by my beautiful son rikki who literally has rose tinted glasses#she just doesnt wear them all the time but maybe i should do more stuff with that tbh ?!?!??#crammerposting
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MY KNEES AND ANKLES 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 <- went up some stairs and ran like twice
#i keep forgetting that running messes up my ankles bc i dont run often and its a recent development#this is the 3rd thing that hurts today bro they should invent a body that doesnt do that#maybe i should go to the doctor to check out the Mysterious Lower Stomach Pain#its really messing up what outfits i can wear since even a slightly tight shirt can set it off#i would say its the liver damage catching up to me but its too low#like physically in the body#the liver and stomach are higher up than that i think#at least im not working any doubles for the foreseeable future
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i think i finally realized why ive been feeling so damn depressed lately again
sorry for writing this here. im really hurting actually. im not good. i feel a bit helpless too. idk who to talk to bc i dont want to burden anyons and i donf feel like anything could console me right now
Like. fuck me man. thanks for saving me but. why the hell are you not here. i dont want to do this without you. i hate only being able to remember you. i was supposed to grow old with you, not without you.
And. honestly. even with all this bullshit i say here, all the endless times i spend trying to write down my feelings, abt you, about all the pain ive felt my life, it doesnt get better. not at all. and no words, no poetry takes it away and i truly feel like nobody will ever truly understand how suffocated i felt all my life.
and i want to change thanks to you but. i dont know. nothing's satisfying enough.
no matter what, i truly only feel great when im in that daydream like world you created.
and these past days ive been thinking a lot that. i really wouldnt mind dying right now. not at all. because at least i know what happiness feels like. and i want to stay in that state. probably, even in this life your music will bring me happiness, but i want to be trapped in it.
im tired of being so unseen, and even when im seen, im hurting. but i dont know whats hurting. i think im just really tired thats all.
and. ye. i feel brave tbh. i still havent posted my video to instagram, bc im not brave for that. i dont know. and i feel like a hypocrite bc everything is true that i wrote there but at the same time these are my thoughts currently
in a long while i looked up suicide methods again. i feel so hopeful, but im not really sure if really for the future. jm sorry this is probably alarming. i will probably not kill myself but. idk. im not sure actually. i dknt know what to say. i wasnt cut out for this wordly shit.i feel unlovable but even if im loved, i donf want to be. i dont want anything. just let me stsy in this quiet place snd just. disappear. i wouldnt want my family to hurt if i die but i wont know about it anyways. idk man. i feel strongly i could die calmly this time and thats nice. bc 6 years ago i was terrified, and hurt. but now im content and kind of ready idk man. its not a terrible feeling, its a "this is it, it was nice while it lasted" ig.
there are no clouds in my head actually. i truly dont feel like im thinking irrationally, i feel like this would just be like. the end goal i was looking for. to feel true love once. it was nice.
no goodbye yet bc idk how id kms even if i do. But ill tell u guys if i found something.
#you know it's funny#i still feel this way but the moment i wrote this#on tiktok one of my friends that was there for most of my times followed my secret tiktok account and#the friend that i lost last year checked my account and#i hope she fucking knows how much that means to me#because i always felt like she hstes me but i still deeply feel she cares abf me and silently looks out for me and i feel so sorry#bc in the past 4 days she has checked my account multiple times and idk man#i truly feel like she sees that im struggling i appreciate it a lot#but i could never tell her that because what if im wrong and also#i dont fit in that friendship anymore#but im still really greatful#for checking up on me even like this#*most of my life#noticed a typo#idk anyways i just really needed to scream this into the void. I didn't want to be so sad today. i just scrolled instagram to numb myself#all day. but i got off my phone it was terrible. idk. i feel im not sure i can get my shit together by monday#im sick of having to fall apart and build myself up every fucking day man. and each day i literally wake up telling myself affirmations#trying to convince myself that its oka#it will be okay at least when u are home at night. wait for that moment everyday but. im tired of waiting for night to be happy man.#i have 30 mins to either post that fuckin video and make a fool of myself bc i told myself i need to post it on the 19th. but idk man. Im#terrified it will only disappoint me. people will make fun of me. idk man. its not that funny is it. or is it? how pathetic i am for clingi#g to the only hope in my life like a fucking abandoned dog man. but what can i do. i dont want to depend on you so much. but then who shoul#i depend on? if i depend on myself im just gonna kill myself man.idk. my grief is getting worse day by day. i still practice guitar everyda#hoping that maybe you will come back or something will come back. maybe mywill to live will come back? maybe the Instrument will play a not#that I can depend on? i dont really know what im looking for thats the worst. living is uncomfortable and dark. even when im smiling with m#friends i feel lost.there's something i feel like they know and i dont. when they could name their favorite colors in kindergarten i alread#knew something was different abt me.its really isolating.not having a clue of who am i.i keep saying im finding myself more and more but tb#i still in a way like im always wearing a costume. i wonder how naked id have to be to find myself. sorry for word vomitting.it maybe helps#anyways acchan i miss you.this world feels really stale without you.i wish I could truly show how much I love you with my words or life but#i dont really think it makes a difference.my voice really doesnt matter that much in the end.maybe im too much
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❝ ... When two dudes get married, who walks down the aisle? ❞ Kazuichi asks out of nowhere, sitting on the floor surrounded by the bits and bobbles of a broken-down engine. It had been Hell to drag to their dorm- but worth every bit of effort considering the busy-work it provides his hands. His brain however, had been free to run amuck. Hence the sudden question, spoken before Kaz could think better of it.
After all, it's hard to frame a question like THAT as ❛ casual ❜ . Praying Gundham will think it's just one of his usual stupid inquires about Gay Stuff ( since Kaz hardly had much... safe exposure to the topic before Hope's Peak ) , he suddenly becomes very invested in the engine he's tinkering with. — (( he's not thinking about marriage™ or a Life with his boyfriend or anything Embarrassing like that shut up he's Not- fkjdgnkdfgd ))
@not-bcring
So used to answering seemingly inane random questions, Kazuichi gets his wish of Gundham paying little mind to how such a sudden inquiry might hold more weight than it seemed. Seated at his desk, the breeder busies himself with mending a hole in one of the mechanic's coveralls, mind too focused on not poking himself to even look Kaz's way. "I suppose it would be a matter of perference. Marriage as the common man knows it is yet another instance of Christianity inserting itself as the standard, such as with Christmas or Easter. There are numerous ceremonies around the world that do not feature the father 'giving away' the bride, nor the covering and subsequent removal of a veil as a show of submission and purity.
"There are many couples who forgo a ceremony as a whole and simply sign their marriage documents. In the end, it is the pair looking to be joined in a union who decide how to consummate the ritual. In truth, I have never understood such a union beyond societal norms and simple tax related benefits. The sentiment can be meaningful, I suppose, however in terms of practicality it escapes me."
#gundham says Fuck the norm he doesnt need marriage to show his devotion hskdfs#he Will get kaz a ring or smth tho if he wants uwu#actually maybe not a ring those can be dangerous as a mechanic hsdfkjf#my dad wore his for like a week and almost took his damn finger off after getting it caught on smth#mom said he wasnt allowed to wear it after that lmao its in her jewelry box im p sure#shes talked about getting it resized for her finger for Years#also i imagine at this point#gundham has already gotten the tattoo of kazs name#idk if kaz Knows about it yet because gundhams an idiot dumb dumb who Forgets about that shit#until he whacks it on smth and it Hurts lmao#muse: gundham tanaka#not bcring#mobile bound
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