#and maybe even a destiel kiss

[youchangedmedestiel]

New Year's Eve tradition

Cas discovered a human tradition that happens at New Year's Eve he didn't know about before, because he saw it happened on the TV, multiple times now. The tradition consists of a human kissing another human on the lips at midnight.

Sam is working on another case with Eileen so he guesses he'll fulfill this tradition as he should. But what about Dean?

They are on another hunt together and there is no one else for him to kiss at midnight. Well except Cas. The angel can help if necessary because he would do anything for Dean. Plus, he is kind of curious to know what it would feel like to kiss the hunter, to feel his plumped and probably soft lips against his. He can't deny he never thought about it.

Fortunately, they wrapped their case up before midnight. It was an easy salt and burn kind of thing. As they walk away from the cemetery, Cas stops suddenly before arriving at the Impala.

"Dean, it's almost midnight." He notices, looking up to the sky. It's a clear and cold night, the moon is almost full and the stars are twinkling.

"And?" Dean asks, turning around to see the angel standing still. He glances up, trying to find out what Cas is looking at.

"We should respect the tradition." Cas explains as he walks slowly and carefully closer to the hunter who is standing near the driver's door and looking back at the angel now.

"What tradition?" Dean asks, frowning and scanning Cas up and down.

"The human tradition of New Year's Eve, as a human you're supposed to kiss another human at midnight." Cas explains and Dean only realizes now that tonight is December 31. Previous years, he picked up a chick at a random bar and kissed her. Sometimes this led to more and sometimes not, and in that case Dean just stayed at the bar drinking before going back to his motel room. Or some other times he was just on a hunt like tonight, not caring about what day it was because new year or not his life was always the same mess.

"Well there are no living humans around here." Dean observes jokingly, because he is feeling nervous by Cas's proximity. The angel is standing inches away from him, he can feel the heat of his breath against the skin of his throat and chin.

"I'm human enough if you need me to be." Cas states but doesn't move a bit, he doesn't want to force Dean to do anything if he doesn't want to. His eyes are locked to Dean's with that intensity of his, they are as twinkling as the stars. And Dean can't deny how his knees are getting weak nor how something weird is building in his stomach from that gaze only.

They hear a bell ringing, probably coming from the church nearby, and fireworks light up the sky. Cas doesn't have the time to say happy new year that Dean's lips are pressing against his, his hand curling around the angel's nape to keep him there. It's shy and hesitant at first, but when Cas starts returning the kiss, what was building in Dean's stomach explodes like the fireworks above their heads. His knees get weaker but Cas keeps him steady as he presses him between the Impala and his own body.

The kiss turns heated and passionate as Cas licks his lower lip. Dean parts them and Cas takes the opportunity to slide his tongue in, brushing Dean's slowly at first. Their tongues stroke each other hungrily, while Dean is tugging at Cas's tie and nape, seeking for more contact and Cas's arms are framing him, keeping him safe and warm there. The intensity of the kiss rises as the number of fireworks in the sky increase, loud, echoing noises in the valley and blue, yellow, red, green, all of them mixing together, lightning the area like it's the middle of the day.

Once the last noise resounds and the surroundings become dark again, they part, red and swollen lips leaving each other, hitching breaths breaking the returning silence in the cemetery.

"Happy new year, Dean." Cas is finally able to say, his hand cupping Dean's jaw with his thumb stroking his cheek tenderly. The hunter can't help but melt into the touch, still trying to catch his breath.

"Thanks, Cas. Happy new year." Dean answers, slightly smiling. He hadn't expected to begin the new year this way, but he can't deny that this is a pretty damn good start.

[bloodydeanwinchester]

what do you think the world where the confession scene wasn’t cut to shreds is like? do you think they’re all still as insane about destiel as we are? maybe even more insane? do you think that world has achieved world peace?

[azrael08]

Dean gets hit with a love spell during a case and looks at Cas first trope except him and Cas are already together, so Cas and Sam assume nothings gonna change. And nothing really does, except that Dean now openly holds Cas's hand when their out walking around and he holds onto Cas's waist from behind when their just standing and he lets Cas scratch and play with his hair without pulling away from embarrassment and worst of all is the kissing!

Sam will be explaining what they should do next to catch the monster and when he looks up he sees Dean staring softly at Cas and Cas staring softly back which is fine, that's what they do, they stare, so Sam turns away. But when he looks back for the second time he sees Dean start peppering little smooches all over the angels face, just quick kisses on his nose and cheeks and forehead and neck too, all while they both smile dumbly, which is also fine, its not like Sam hasn't seen this before, they were exactly like this in their honeymoon phase at the beginning of their relationship, so he turns away again trying to focus but then he has a question to ask Cas and he turns and- HOLY SHIT THEY'RE MAKING OUT! RIGHT IN FRONT OF HIM THEY'RE USING TONGUE AND CAS'S HANDS ARE AROUND DEAN'S WAIST AND HIS HANDS ARE IN CAS'S HAIR AND THEIR MOANING AND SAM NEEDS TO BEAT THEM OVER THE HEAD WITH A STICK-

[ink-the-shitposter]

I think it might have to do with the guy playing dean being uncomfortable with them making their characters gay, which is rly funny bro you are an actor 😭

still amazes me that by season 45 or whatever, Supernatural was being exclusively watched by delusionally hopeful women with flamingo-salinity tolerance for bad writing and the creators still couldn’t pander to them because maybe there was 1 straight guy out there still accidentally watching it

[angel-fruitcake]

can't stop thinking about the concept of post-canon Destiel reunion where Dean confesses his mutual romantic feelings and Cas is so happy, don't get him wrong! but even though he's grown fond of this vessel that he's had for years, for some reason Cas can't seem to get past his worry and insecurity that maybe Dean isn't 100% sold on the whole idea of being intimate with a man.

so without meeting Dean's gaze, Cas hesitantly offers with a touch of sadness, "if this vessel isn't satisfactory for you, i-i could perhaps try to procure a female v-"

and Dean grabs Cas by his heated cheeks, promptly shutting him up with a kiss.

once the initial shock subsides and Cas finally starts to relax, Dean pulls back just enough to whisper against the angel's lips, "i want you just like this. this," Dean squeezes Cas' face for emphasis, "is the Cas that i met in that barn all those years ago. this is the Cas that pulled me outta hell." Dean trails wet kisses along Cas' stubbled jawline, pausing when his lips reach the angel's ear. "this is the Cas i fell in love with."

Castiel melts against Dean with a whimper.

[ledzeppelinmixtape]

"it was never about destiel" were you here in 2012-15? it was always about destiel. there were teenagers in the early 2010s praying to every god and the universe that those old men would kiss on their screen. they were gaslit for over a decade about destiel. and now those teenagers are vindicated 20-something college graduates... hundreds of them. maybe even thousands. it was always about destiel

[royalydamned]

I want to formally thank the Sonic team for actually not making Stobotnik and its shippers the butt of a joke? Like you see this treatment of fans especially shippers so much like haha these silly little queers drawing and writing porn of these two characters it's so funny haha. You poor delusional bastards.

And before anyone goes, uhm ☝️ but they called them friends. They didn't make them lovers. Ok maybe, but not even Tom and Maddie act too romantic, so it's not I expected any tongue action or anything.

But what I mean is, instead of mocking their relationship and making someone call Stone Robotnik's boyfriend to laugh at it we got an actually meaningful and emotional scene about them and their own little subplot. I feel more validated than by the hatecrime of a love confession Destiel was.

Like the bar is so low I am grateful not being made fun of by the creators and/or actors and instead doing anything to deny it they went "you know what? Sure why not" and I am kissing your feet giving you my firstborn I hope you continue succeeding.

[occult-castiel]

Man this just kinda hurts. I don't know why they wouldn't have just waited. Like... who the fuck decided what they did was good enough? Just the thought of how amazing that would have been to see instead. Idk idk.

Like... destiel couldve been everything. It's still a very good love story, but it'll forever be the one that couldve been. It makes me feel bad for the characters. We just never stopped getting robbed, all the way to the final credits

Hey besties, gonna say first up that I do not know how accurate this information is, but considering I got it from the mouth of a guy that worked on the last two episodes of Supernatural, I’m going to take this information as true and factual. Okay. I was on a Supernatural filming tour in Vancouver and our guide was a camera operator for the final two episodes and he got to read the original script for the final episode. LET ME TELL YOU, the whole killing off Kansas and Ellen’s Roadhouse thing was correct, BUT, the part about Jimmy being there and not Cas??? Yeah no. Dude man said that in the script it was Cas that was there and Dean met him in the Roadhouse and confessed back to him and embraced “not as a friend but as a lover would”. !!! They confirmed that Dean was bisexual because in heaven he realised that he didn’t need to ‘perform’ anymore and could just be his true self. BUT WAIT, THERES MORE. Because of covid Misha wasn’t travelling to Vancouver to film the final episodes. Jensen pushed to wait until they could do it properly but the script was changed to how it is now. So yeah, there you go.

[sleepymccoy]

So I've seen a few seasons of supernatural in my life. Got to season 5 then trialled off and have seen a fair bit of the rest but not consistently and def not to the end. Haven't watched any in years and years, too

Anyway, I say this to highlight how bizarre it is that I had a lovely destiel dream last night

It'd make a killer fic I think, so enjoy this synopsis

Premise very much like that ep where Dean forgets his life and works in an office dressed like a lil fruit

^ that ep

Anyway the idea is that Dean forgets his life but is otherwise the same. But without the hunting stuff he's semi deadbeat working in a bar and hooking up with random women. Also Sam wasn't part of his childhood I guess, the dream didn't explain why Dean wouldn't know Sam but whatever

Castiel and Sam keep coming into the world to try and get Dean to perform a series of actions he needs to perform in order to be released from the spell. They're kinda bizarre tho and Dean doesn't recognise these guys so it's a challenge. Like, eat this daisy and have a tequila chaser. Sleep in a bed with bay leaves stuffed underneath. Stand in one spot for a minute while the sigil to release you gets engaged. That kind of thing

Dean has like feelings for them, but doesn't know them. He trusts Sam completely and they click but he's kind of weirded out by how comfortable he is with the stranger. And Cas, he wants to protect and fuck Cas in a way that's so overwhelming he can't handle it

Anyway, this is a longish post so click through for the blow by blow

Sam manages to talk him into having the flower and drink by doing it himself and pretending it's a fun way to drink. Dean takes part and is totally unimpressed but has a laugh about it

Cas slips in next with the intention of watching Dean hook up with someone and sneaking bay leaves under the bed before they get down and dirty. Because Cas can fly out the window if he needs to escape quick they figure he's the better choice for that gig. But as soon as Dean sees him it goes sideways because Dean has an immediately unavoidable crush on the raggedy middle aged dude in a Columbo coat

But this Dean didn't have the same loyalty to his father in youth cos there was no hunting to help make sense of the abuse he suffered. So he's not as caught up in his internalised (and externalised) homophobia and maybe even hooked up with a guy or two at school

It's still not normal for him and he's a bit surprised, but it takes him one beer and some disconcerting staring to get over it, and then he approaches

Cas is Unprepared™ for a full flirt from Dean and is very quickly taken in by it. It's fun and cheerful and Dean keeps swapping their drinks and stealing chips and leaning his hand on Cas' thigh when he whispers a joke to him. Cas is just dizzy and swimming in it and doesn't know what to do. He's totally lost track of what's going on

Eventually he excuses himself to go to the bathroom and checks in with Sam, who's had an hour of watching them flirt outrageously and is thoroughly bemused, amused, and has his eyes on the goal. "Get him into bed and put the damned leaves in place!"

So Cas goes back and Dean's paid the tab and is offering to drive and Cas just like you're drunk absolutely not. They make out against the door of Dean's beat up Ford Focus and Cas knows he's not gonna come back from this

He's loved Dead a long time, and there's something painful in the kiss and feeling the immorality of it. But there's something so wonderful too. And if it's got to happen, and Sam says it's got to happen so he can outsource that decision, he can take it as far as it needs to go. Save Dean, then apologise and skedaddle

At least he's got Sam's permission, so Sam can argue his side in his absence until Dean forgives him

It doesn't take long for Dean to kiss Cas into forgetting to feel guilty, tho. Then Dean starts talking about how Cas feels different to anyone else he's ever touched before and he doesn't understand why but he wants him so damned bad.

The Dean pulls back and offers to go slow. Pick you up for breakfast, go on a few dates before what's next

And Cas wants that so bad, he wants to be special, his skin aches for it. But he needs access to Dean's bed so he spearheads getting them into a motel together for the night, feeling slightly cheap and awful about it, but Dean's smile is unparalleled and the awful slides away every time he looks at him

They fuck a bit. Cas' guilt about it all isn't his focus, as soon as Dean's hand is on his dick he's only in the moment. I think Cas keeps it to mutual blow jobs, tho, he wants to save anything more for a Dean who knows him. He lies there's thinking about that afterwards and remembers that the Dean who knows him doesn't want him like this, this is some confused fucked up neuron thing.

Anyway after a bit of post coital bliss Dean gets up to piss and Cas shoves bay leaves under the mattress. Cas then insists on laying together a bit longer, they make out sloppy and Dean is very sweet and Cas loves him and eventually Dean dozes off. Tick off the second ritual

I reckon the last one ends up easy enough. While Dean sleeps Cas holds him and hums while Sam awkwardly and without looking directly at them carves the sigil in the floor. When Dean wakes up Cas makes a big deal about how pretty he is in the light and stay right there so I can take a photo of you

So Dean's striking a stupid sexy pose when the spell fades. And he realises everything that's happened and the significance of it all

Also Sam's in the room now and that's just a bit fucking awkward

Cas just leaves, cos he doesn't know what else to do. He texts Dean an apology. Dean doesn't respond for like three days which is just hellish but eventually he texts back saying come over and talk.

So Cas does. Dean's sorry too, Sam has talked him into recognising that he really got the ball rolling and Cas was a bit cornered. And Cas, desperate to not have Dean feel guilty, talks about his feelings in this vague and uncertain way. But ultimately says he glad he had a chance, even in a false world. Nice to have the memories

And Dean's just like. Okay. So you didn't hate it? And I didn't hate it. And now that there's no crazy spell to work through, do you want to take it slow?

What? Cas says

Breakfast date?

Cas is useless at taking it slow. He goes on this breakfast date and does his ridiculous I love humanity because I loved you first speech and Dean's like fuck man this is intense to hear over eggs and shit coffee! But yeah I'm sitting on some feeling that've kicked passed loyalty into devotion and I also kinda want to suck your dick again so shut up and let me come to terms with being gay a bit slower, fucking hell. You're beautiful, give me a kiss

They figure it out

[sampilled]

all those

"we need more male SA representation" "you couldnt even handle them"

tiktoks that include sam always have a million comments like "what??? sam was sa'd??? when??" and its like i just genuinely need to know their definition of SA so badly

like most of them say they've watched the full show and never noticed anything like that happen and idk maybe i'm the crazy one cuz i do think about it so often but SA is unwanted kissing + touching and that happens to sam every other episode

like the replies to the comments are usually about lucifer and becky or say it happened a lot or something like that

the idea that someone watched the whole show and just... didn't notice is actually crazy to me. destiel brain rot i fear.

[whipitgod]

Totally Normal, Non Romantic Bro Moment

Dean x Castiel

oneshot - wc: 2k

summary: Dean is the only one who doesn’t realize he’s dating Cas

warnings: blatantly and boldly ignoring canon, a little crack-ish as per usual, some light swearing and little bit of spice (they kiss but that’s it)

a/n: Thank you for all the support on the last few oneshots!! this is the first time i’ve ever written for destiel or supernatural so it might be a bit ooc! If you like this remember to leave a like/reblog! maybe even follow me :D! Happy reading!!

!!!!REQUESTS ARE OPEN!!!!

“Sammy!” The sound of his brother calling his name makes Sam sit up quickly, having dozed off whilst trying to finish a book he had started ages ago but could never manage to find the time to complete. He pushes himself off his bed with the intent to meet the older Winchester in the kitchen where he heard him yelling from. Before he even has a chance to reach for the door handle the door flies open, Dean entering the room with a startling amount of aggression.

Sam puffs out an irritated breath at the man's behavior, “Of course you can come in-” he pauses slightly taking in the flustered nature of the hunter now pacing back in forth and grumbling quietly to himself; a look of concern crosses Sam’s face, mouth turning down slightly, “Are you alright, did something happen?”

Dean’s head snaps towards him then, looking at him for the first time since he had burst into the room, “Yeah, i’m fine man,” he gets a look on his face like he tasted something bitter before rushing out an agitated, “no actually i’m not fine.” Sam tilts his head slightly at this urging Dean to continue with a wave of his hand; Sam notes that the man has yet to stop pacing.

“Bobby said someth’n weird earlier that's got me thinking,” Dean hesitates for a moment almost like he’s second guessing even bringing it up, “he uh,” another slight pause, brows furrowing, “he seems to think i’m dating Cas.” he takes a deep breath after he says this, a common action when he gets too worked up over something.

The younger Winchesters' brows crease in confusion at this, Dean taking this as a sign that his brother finds the notion absurd lets out a relieved breath. His relief is only short lived, Sam shaking his head slightly before questioning, “Is that it?” Dean's expression hardens, agitation returning and causing his shoulders to tense.

“The hell do you mean ‘is that it’, this is a big deal!”

Sam lets out a small laugh at his brother's frustration, “Was he not accepting?”

The anger leaves Deans features, a look of confusion taking it’s place, “The fuck does that mean?”

“Was he not accepting of your relationship with cas?” Sam now wears a look of confusion mirroring Dean’s. The older man stops pacing at this question, brows furrowing even further than Sam thought possible.

“What relationship?” The anger gone from Dean’s voice, tone now mired in confusion.

Sam looks at his brother like he’s lost his mind, “The relationship you have with Cas,” he searches Dean’s face for any sign that the man is joking, not finding any he pushes on, “You guys have been dating for months.”

Dean seems to short circuit at this, blinking several times before letting out a disbelieving scoff, “I am not dating Cas,” a nervous laugh escapes him, “That’s insane, I knew you were crazy but not that crazy.”

Sam stares blankly at him and Dean rushes to continue, “I mean the idea of Cas and I dating is laughable,” another nervous laugh accompanied by a growing redness in his face, “Why would you even think that?”

Sam’s eyebrows shoot up in disbelief at the question, a sharp bark of laughter leaving him before he can stop it. He tries again to find any sign that his brother is joking but the man's expression is steely, jaw clenched in frustration, “Oh wow, you’re serious.” At this Dean lets out an angry huff opening his mouth to start speaking before closing it again, teeth grinding together.

“For starters, you guys act like an old married couple all the time,” Dean opens his mouth to disagree but Sam cuts him off, “you guys also frequently gaze into each other's eyes for extended periods of time.”

“We do not!”

“Just last week you guys had a whispered discussion before staring into each other's eyes for five minutes,” Dean’s expression turns contemplative, “five minutes might not be accurate actually,” Sam thinks for a moment, “It was probably longer, I didn't stand around to time it.”

Dean releases an irritated noise before rushing to defend himself, “We were having a moment!” Sam’s expression turns amused at the sentence and Dean jumps to amend it, “A bro moment! A totally normal, non romantic bro moment!”

Sam quirks a brow at this, a teasing smile threatening to overcome his features. Dean lets out another frustrated sound, “It’s a normal dude thing, it’s what pals do!” Sam kind of wants to let Dean continue floundering, if only to see how many synonyms he can find for the word ‘bro’; he decides against it, deciding to put Dean out of his misery.

With a gentle sigh the younger man pushes himself up so he’s sitting fully upright, “Bobby and I aren't the only ones who think you guys are together,” He thinks for a moment, “Actually, I'm pretty sure you are the only one that doesn't think you guys are dating.”

Dean is quiet at this causing him to continue, “I don't know man, it's something you should think about,” Sam stands and walks over to the door with the intent to find something for dinner, “maybe you should talk to cas about this.'' With that he pulls the door open not waiting for the other man to respond, and without sparing another glance in Dean’s direction he walks down the hallway towards the kitchen.

Dean stands motionless for a few minutes before managing to snap himself out of the daze the conversation had left him in. Shaking his head in an attempt to clear his thoughts, he makes the short trek to his own bedroom; Closing the door behind him and letting out a breath he didn't know he had been holding, he lets his mind wander to memories of all of the interactions he and Cas had had recently.

Sure they were close, their relationship probably closer than most other mens, but that didn't mean they were together! Sure they had kissed a few times when they were both a little too drunk but that didn't mean anything! It was normal to kiss your bro when you had a few too many. This line of thinking does nothing to quell the internal turmoil he was feeling; his mind now stuck on memories of the kisses they had shared on rare occasions that were never discussed once they were sober.

Dean huffs a bitter laugh, “I don't even like men.” The phrase feels wrong as it leaves his mouth. He had never really given much thought to whether or not he liked men, but now that he was thinking about it he’s met with a startling realization, “Oh god, do i?”

He thinks back to all of the men that he had ever found attractive, the ones he was a bit too fascinated by; having written off the fascination as a friendly interest at the time, he finds himself realizing that some of the interest really wasn't all that friendly.

His mind wanders to cas, remembering all of the things they had done together that had, at the time, seemed innocent and friendly; now that he’s looking back on them they seem to be a little bit too intimate to be friendly. There was also that one dream he had a few weeks back that had made being around cas very awkward for a few days, the memory of the dream alone making his face heat up. He loses track of the amount of time he stays lost in thought, his mind spinning in circles as he thinks about the dynamic he has with the angel.

He reaches a conclusion that makes him suck in a sharp breath, “Oh god, i'm in love with cas.” It comes out as a disbelieving whisper. He doesn't know what to do with realization but now that he’s said it outloud it feels like the most obvious thing in the world.

A Few Days Earlier

Dean can’t help but watch Cas's side profile as the man takes another swig from the almost empty bottle of whiskey; Dean had tapped out before the bottle had even been opened, the angel needing way more alcohol than Dean could stomach to even get a buzz. The hunter isn’t quite sure how many bottles of assorted liquor cas had drunk at this point but it was clear the man was feeling the effects of them, his eyes a little droopy as if he was struggling to see clearly. Dean wasn’t in much better shape, his eyes struggling to focus as he watched the angel’s Adam's apple bob as he drank. Without realizing that he was even moving he reached up and grabbed the bottle from Cas's hands, taking a quick drink of it before setting it down in front of them.

“I think you’ve had enough.” Dean's tone is light when he says this, almost teasing. Cas meets his eyes with a dazed smile and Dean’s eyes get stuck on the curve of his lips.

He wants to kiss him. The thought doesn't scare him like he thinks it should, he supposes it wouldn't be the first drunken kiss the pair had shared; alcohol acting as a cover for the real emotions at play that Dean really didn't want to deal with.

Before he can think better of it he leans in, cas letting out a surprised noise as their lips meet before melting into the kiss. The thought that they shouldn’t be doing this crosses Dean's mind but he stamps it down quickly when he feels cas reach up and tangle his fingers in his hair. They stay like that until dean pulls away slightly to suck in a few panting breaths, their foreheads stay touching as they stare into each other's eyes. Dean remembers, bitterly, that tomorrow this would become another one of the little moments that he's too afraid to discuss. With that floating around his head he leans back in with a little bit more force than necessary, their teeth clacking together as their mouths meet.

Present Day

He blinks away the memory, shaking his head slightly and digging in his pocket for his phone, he finds cas’s contact and hesitates for a moment before hitting the call button. The sound of the phone ringing does nothing to calm the anxiety he’s feeling but before he can second guess himself cas picks up.

Cas answers the phone with a soft, “Hello?” and dean feels his heart in his throat.

“I think I'm in love with you.” He had not meant to blurt it out like that, and he curses quietly to himself as he waits for Cas's response.

“I mean it would be kind of weird if you weren’t given that we’re dating.”

Dean pauses at this, a flood of emotions hitting him and causing him to let out a sound reminiscent of a gasp, “What?”

“We’re dating,” there's a pause from cas and the rustle of papers being moved, dean briefly wonders what he’s doing before he realizes what the man had said. Dean's mouth opens and shuts a few times as he struggles to find the appropriate words.

Cas continues speaking, seemingly oblivious to the internal struggle that Dean is having, “We had a date a few days ago,” more rustling, “we got pizza and then got drunk and made out.”

Dean is at a loss for words, he lets out a choked sound before starting to laugh, the kind of laugh that makes your sides hurt. It takes him a minute to regain his composure, wiping a tear that had escaped during the laughing fit he takes a deep breath before responding, “Yeah i guess we did.”

“Are you feeling alright?” The question sounds so sincere it almost causes Dean to spiral into laughter again but he manages to hold it in.

The hunter pauses for a moment thinking about the question, “Yeah,” he’s smiling so hard his cheeks are starting to hurt, “i’m great.”

[fellshish]

just felt like letting you know im makin my way through your spn bookmarks on ao3 and its saving my life 💚 do you have an ultimate-nothing-compares destiel faves from the bunch?

YES omg these are the fics that rewired my brain changed my life etc:

And this your living kiss (M, 56k): au where dean is a self deprecating former poet who used to write anonymously under the pen name jack allen. Now he’s finding his way back to loving poetry by taking a class at a college taught by professor novak… only he doesn’t know professor novak happens to be the number one jack allen scholar in the country. Amazing. Inspiring. I’ve reread it several times and it’s probably my favourite fic of all time

The cheapest room in the house (E, 89k): one of those fics whose writing i’m jealous of, it’s mind bogglingly good. And hot. The destiel grindr fic — cas downloads grindr and dean helps him. The rituals are SO intricate. But really, nothing i could say could do justice to how good this is.

Fenario (E, 47k): cas empty rescue fic. Certain paragraphs and scenes are just seared into my brain, amazing writing. I still think about “Cas’s legs give out and he pitches forward, falling the rest of the way into Dean’s lap in a mockery of a pieta” — that’s the point where i knew this fic was gonna become a fave

Right where you left me (E, 93k): cas comes back from the empty but it’s years later. He rings the doorbell and finds dean married. This fic was an event while it was still updating. Supremely well written and with an emotional maturity needed for the theme

Am I a man or am I a muppet (G, 7k): one of the funniest fics i’ve ever read. Dean wakes up as a muppet. Just roll with it! It’s crack, sure, but so good?? This inspired a scene in one of my gomens fics even

Burn this into your brains forever (E, 10k): to me this is an underrated fic for how funny it is. Fake dating between dean and garth but don’t worry, it’s a destiel fic

Half empty (M, 37k): more of a dean study. Reads like you’re dreaming and nothing makes sense. Dean is confused about everything. Kind of a mysterious vibe, excellent writing

There is rest for the wicked (G, 14k): sleepy, domestic dean. The destiel happens so…. Idk. Naturally. It’s a fic that really stays with you for a long time

Ninety one whiskey (E, 401k): one of thee destiel fics of all time. It’s famously a must-read and for good reason. A war fic, so quite heavy and not for everyone. But an absolute experience. I read the last few chapters in bed middle of the night tears streaming down my face. Simply iconic

A winter’s tale (T, 64k): this fic forever changed the way i see cas’ human arc on the show. Not super destiel-y but can be read that way. Again quite heavy. Northernsparrow is an excellent writer.

The dean winchester beat sheet (E, 144k): au where dean is in college and in complete and utter denial about his sexuality. So supremely funny. I will say this dean is not for everyone. But to me he is iconic and i think about certain scenes still. Forever changed the song i want to break free for me.

What has eight tentacles and isn’t allowed to eat pie? (T, 16k): basically uhhhh dean gets turned into an octopus. HEAR ME OUT. This fic will change you fundamentally as a person. It’s funny but also smart. A classic!

Maybe it really is the end (M, 2k): it’s short but there’s not a word out of place. Basically, belphegor taunts dean and cas while in the body of jack. It’s so good and so underrated. I think about it all the time

How a grocer watches dean pull his head out of his ass in seven days (E, 51k): destiel written from an outsider pov, a christian lady who’s easily scandalised and whose narrative voice is SO hilarious. One of the funniest fics i’ve ever read. Fake dating too!

[destielsoulmatebang]

Touched With Grace

The first touch between soulmates leaves a mark on their skin. Dean has resigned himself into accepting that maybe he and Sam just don’t have soulmates, which tracks with how much Heaven has intervened in their lives and supposed destinies. When the angels fall, and Cas becomes human, Dean discovers just how wrong he was. After Dean touches Cas’s shoulder and a soulmark appears, he realizes the handprint he has carried on his own shoulder since Cas raised him from Perdition is actually a soulmark. Castiel, the angel of Thursday, a seraph that sacrificed his life, his place in Heaven, who gave everything for the cause, for a couple of “mud monkeys,” is actually Dean Winchester’s soulmate. After years of repressing, hiding certain feelings that, deep down, Dean wanted to experience differently, or even for the first time… He’s finally going to get that chance, in the arms of a former angel. Rating: Explicit Tags: Castiel, Dean Winchester, Sam Winchester, Ezekiel a.k.a. Gadreel, Canon Universe, But With Added Soulmate Rule, Romance, Slow Burn, Season 9 Re-Write, Post the Angel Fall, Human Castiel, Destiel Soulmates, There Was Only One Bed, John Winchester's A+ Parenting, Internalized Homophobia, Mutual Masturbation, First Time, First Kiss, Oral Sex, Roadhead, Anal Sex, Bottom Cas, Top Dean Winchester, Yes the Title is a Schitt’s Creek Reference, Fuck the SPN Writers, Dean Never Would Have Kicked Out the Guy Whose Goddamn Trenchcoat He Carried Around in Multiple Different Cars Through Most of Season 7, ANYWAY, Don’t Think of Sex While Golfing Coming October 3, brought to you by the @destielsoulmatebang, @anyreiart, @queerwolfsstuff and @spn-fanfic-reblog-writes!

[cliophilyra]

2024 Fic Round Up

Tagged by @loucifersbitch - thank you so much!! 🩷

This year I wrote 20 fics and a total of 36,619 words (I haven't included the 2x Destiel ones here as there's enough to list already!)

JULY

Like A Circus Wheel | saltommy | E | 1432 wds.

"He's insinuating that you're gay." Tommy looks over at Sal’s smart-ass smirk and for a second he’s frozen. Sal’s expression doesn’t change but something in his eyes feels like a challenge.

Show You Off | Bucktommy | E | 2083 wds

“Maybe we should move this to the bedroom?” he murmurs. “Otherwise we’re gonna be giving the neighbours a show.” Buck’s mouth is suddenly bone-dry. Memories of a mis-spent exhibitionist youth suddenly flood back and his breath shallows, mouth falling open a little, cock twitching as he swallows hard. Tommy pulls back and looks him in the eye, eyebrow raised. “Oh. You like that idea baby?”

Keys to Fit Our Locks | saltommy | T | 1133 wds.

Tommy comes home to something surprising. Just some soft, silly, sort-of-established Saltommy.

AUG

Every Little Sacrifice | saltommy | E | 3335 wds

Tommy jumps down from the engine the moment it stops, already heading to the gear racks as the rest of the team clamber out behind him, the stench of melted plastic and hot metal surrounding them. He needs to get away from the smell, it’s choking him, filling his throat. He coughs, trying to clear out the memory. Sal flashes him his most charming grin, blue eyes bright in his soot-streaked face, and claps him on the shoulder as he passes. Tommy doesn’t stop and doesn’t meet his confused gaze, his jaw muscles tick as he bites back the fury thrumming through his veins. He strips off his turnouts in record time and heads up the stairs without a backward glance.

Honey I'm Home | bucktommy | T | 762 wds

“Hey honey I’m home,” Buck murmurs to himself, half-falling through the door into the dark entrance hall of Tommy’s house. The whole day has been a seemingly endless stream of small, silly calls, each bell draining more and more of his energy, leaving him a shell of the man he was when he left that morning. It had been a great morning too. Two orgasms before he’d even had his coffee had seemed like a pretty promising start to the day and then he’d spent most of his shift on a constant simmer, half hard in his turnouts because his boyfriend, who was having the opposite sort of day at work, decided it would be a good idea to send him shirtless selfies taken in the Harbor locker room that would have been rejected from the firefighter calendar for being too pornographic.

Calendar Boy | bucktommy | E | 2505 wds

“What’s up baby?” Tommy asks, concerned, walking over to kiss the side of his head. “It’s the most insufferable time of the year,” Hen mutters, not looking up. Tommy looks down at the photos covering the table and stops short, blinking in surprise. Oh. “It’s the LAFD calendar,” Evan says, as if that explains everything, which, in a way Tommy supposes it does. Tommy’s eyes widen as he takes in the piles of pictures of semi-- and, in some cases, more than semi-- naked Evan that are spread across it. He swallows awkwardly, his tongue all of a sudden seeming too big for his mouth, and manages an only-slightly-strangled, “Oh?”

Solace | bucktommy | T | 615 wds

Buck comes home to Tommy after a very bad day.

SEPT

Nicknames | saltommy | M | 529 wds

A few nicknames, endearments and insults from Sal and Tommy’s relationship.

Desk Defying | saltommy | E | 2478 wds

Sal and Tommy decide to take out their frustrations on top of Gerrard's desk.

Riding Up Front | bucktommy | E | 5511 wds

Buck is outside in the yard, blasting the engine with the high pressure hose and entertaining murderous fantasies of turning the hose on Gerrard and blowing him through a fucking wall. The bastard is on the warpath today as usual, finding a seemingly endless list of pointless tasks for each of them. When Tommy arrives unexpectedly it dawns on Buck that the engine is conveniently just out of sight, pulled around the side of the firehouse and the rest of the crew are occupied and a terrible, brilliant and honestly somewhat familiar plan forms in his mind.

When you're tastin what he's drinkin (are you thinkin bout me?)

bucktommy w/ past saltommy | M | 1893 wds

Sal runs into Tommy with Buck at a bar and drags up old memories.

OCT

If It Comes Back | saltommy | E | 3773 wds

Tommy & Sal reconnect at a wedding.

NOV

A Quiet Night In | bucktommy | T | 1190 wds

Just some fluff & cuddles - post 8x6 comfort

DEC

Flashover | bucktommy | G | 2724 wds

When his phone rang this evening he was on the floor in front of his couch, in the middle of another fifty push-ups, TV on in the background playing a show that he couldn't have named or described if someone put a gun to his head. He didn't pick it up, didn't even glance at it, just let it vibrate its way across the table and fall on the floor. The third time it rang he finally picked it up, annoyed, and glanced at the caller ID. Sal Deluca. Jesus Christ, talk about a blast from the past. He'd answered it without even thinking. "Sal?" "Kinard. Open your door. It's pissing rain out here."

You Should Probably Leave | saltommy | E | 2347 wds

“Doesn’t look like it’s coming back on anytime soon.” Tommy says, looking out of the window at the dark street. “It’s the whole block at least.” He turns back to Sal who is spread out on his couch, beer bottle in one hand, one foot on the floor. “Ah shit, guess I’ll just have to stay here then huh?” Sal smirks, eyebrow raised as he stretches his arms above his head so his t-shirt rides up, exposing the trail of dark hair that disappears under his waistband. Behind him on the table a candle lantern flickers, deepening the shadows and planes of his features, casting crawling shapes over the walls. Tommy's throat is dry, he swallows hard. He already knows how the rest of this night goes. How it always goes.

Taken | saltommy | M | 884 wds

Jack shakes his hand, holding it just a fraction too long, smiling up at him almost shyly. "Hi Tommy. Sooo, I know this is kind of a cliche but…um…would you maybe like to get a drink sometime? With-with me?" "Kinard! Get your ass back on the truck!" Sal's voice snaps out. Tommy tries not to laugh for Jack's sake. "Jack, you seem great but I—" Jack sighs. "Figures. You're clearly way too hot to be available. Ah well I had to try, right?" "Kinard!"

10 Weddings and No Funerals | saltommy | T (will go up) | WIP

In order to survive a summer of wedding fever, longtime friends, Tommy and Sal, agree to be each other's plus one at every wedding they've been invited to. AU based on Plus One (2019).

Kisses | saltommy | G | series WIP

Some replies to the kisses prompt meme on Tumblr. Currently all saltommy - may add some bucktommy later. Rating may change.

Here's to a creative 2025!

Tagging - @rdng1230 @littlepaws9 @bucksbignaturals @fuselsstuff @peppermintquartz @bangpop91 @nine-one-wanton @girlwonder-writes @thecarrott @judymarch15 @racerchix21 @weewookinard @loulou-land and literally anyone else I know or who sees this and wants to do it. My brain is shutting down now lol.

HAPPY NEW YEAR ALL!!

[jinkieswouldyoulookatthis]

Anti-destiel Wank (sorry but I have to)

If you hardcore ship Destiel, please just scroll on by. Please.

Ok, I'm gonna get myself in trouble, I'm sure, but I gotta get this off my chest...

Destiel may be a perfectly fine ship,

but,

IT'S JUST A SHIP.

In the actual context of the show there IS NO ROMANTIC OR SEXUAL TENSION/RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN DEAN AND CAS.*

Full fucking stop.

Subtext can be interpreted in ANY WAY YOU WANT. It is subjective. You will find whatever you look for in it. Please stop waving subtext interpretations around as if they were objective facts, they aren't. Subtext, by its very definition, relies on implied meaning and understanding, this means it is a subjective interpretation of the media that varies from viewer to viewer. The inherent variations are what make it fanon/headcanon instead of canon.

If you see tension of that sort there and it makes you happy to postulate the what if, then go ahead, that is what fanon and head canon and fan fiction is all about. But if the fact that the tension you think you see isn't being addressed in actual canon makes you grumpy, maybe you need to take some of the fanatic out of your fanning. If you are beginning to think the show creators are actively trying to repress Dean's "true sexuality and feelings" because they are evil, you might need to consider that you've dug in too deep.

Because, like I ship wincest. Yeah, I said it. But I am aware that canon doesn't actually include any level of sexual or romantic (in the modern sense) relationship between Sam and Dean. Wincest is not canon.

Now, are Sam and Dean the real "love" story of the show? Yes, yes they are. That has always been 100% the entire point of Supernatural, the great love story of two brothers struggling to save the world together. It's about family and everything that means, but at its heart, it is about Sam and Dean WInchester. Not all kisses and cuddles and sex kind of love, but love nonetheless. Full stop.

Now, the fact that Destiel is such a popular ship is not surprising to me in the least. Jensen and Misha are two gorgeous guys who share a lot of chemistry on screen and off. And, it is canon that Cas loves Dean. That has been evident since Lazarus Rising (4x01) when Cas was introduced. Castiel's love of Dean Winchester has been his character's main motivation all along and culminated with Cas sacrificing himself to save Dean, after telling him that he loved him in Despair (15x18)

But Dean's main motivation has always been to watch out for his brother. And though Castiel became Dean's best friend, he still comes second to Sam. Nothing against Cas, he just isn't Sam.

So why are so many people so absolutely convinced that Destiel is so real within the context of the story?

Well, I'm pretty sure that it is the same reason that they are so opposed to the idea of wincest.

As we all know, incest is bad, mmmkay? Incest is probably one of the biggest, strongest, cultural taboos we have. So it makes perfect sense that the idea of two blood-related brothers having sexual or romantic feelings for each other is considered icky. It's so off putting that it is a complete no go for even fantasizing about for most people. And that's probably a good thing, tbh, incest should be taboo. But where does that taboo spring from? Why is it so deeply off limits? There are several reasons, but the two main ones are:

That incest can lead to inbreeding.

That incest too often involves molestation or rape of children.

Both of these are seriously bad enough that we all pretty much collectively agree to avoid incestuous relationships. But, do either of these two reasons really apply in the case of Sam and Dean?

The short answer is no. Primarily this is because they are fictional characters that are being played by unrelated actors. But to humor the objectors we'll look at it closer.

We can take the first one right off the table. As two cis men, neither of them is capable of becoming pregnant, so outside of the mpreg (male pregnancy) or gender bending subsets of fanfic tropes, this is not applicable.

The second reason only becomes an issue when talking about the characters earlier in their lives, pre-show or flashbacks. Weecest or teencest, or whatever, are things, but these typically have separate ship names for a reason, because even when dealing with fictional characters this squicks a lot of folks who are otherwise down with the wincest ship. So most content is tagged or labeled as its specific flavor, so anyone can find it or avoid it. But wincest that involves adult Sam and Dean (the specific pairing I'm referring to in this post) doesn't apply to the second reason listed above.

So there really is nothing morally wrong with Sam and Dean having sex with each other. I know that statement is going to bother a whole lot of people, but it is true. Just because something is taboo does not automatically make it morally wrong. Being gay used to be taboo in our culture, and is still taboo for way too many people, even though there is nothing morally wrong with homosexuality.

Now, I wasn't in the fandom back at the beginning of the show, but I've heard tell that the very first Sam/Dean fic was posted just a few hours after the pilot episode aired. A few hours, that's all it took for some highly motivated fan to type out a story where they were more than just brothers. The story is called Reunion. If you watch the pilot, even with your anti-incest goggles on, the chemistry between Jared and Jensen is palpable throughout. There is a reason the show lasted for 15 years, and that reason is that Sam and Dean just work on screen so well together. So if it only took one episode for that ship to be born, what did all the future destiel shippers do? Well I imagine they felt somewhat uncomfortable for the first 60 episodes.

Flash forward to season four and the introduction of Castiel. Finally there was another male character for fans squicked by the notion of sweet, sweet brother loving to focus on! Cas was clearly fixated on Dean more than Sam, which followed the plot since Cas had been instructed to rescue Dean from Hell. As it would turn out, the brothers were destined to be the meatsuits that Michael and Lucifer wore to the big prize fight to determine the fate of the world. Prepping Sam for Lucifer involved him consuming demon blood, which made most of the angelic host view him as an abomination, a factor that Cas had to learn to get past in his relationship with the younger brother. But Dean was ready to go right out of the box, no assembly required for Michael. Castiel, and many of his angelic brethren, as well as a lot of Demons, seem to be drawn to Dean in a way that they just aren't drawn to Sam. Is this fair? Hell no. But I mean, look at him! Jensen has sexual tension with literally everything he comes in contact with, people, food, his car, the man oozes sexual attraction. Don't get me wrong, Jared is a sexy fucking ball of sunshine, and our Sammy is a damned attractive man, but he tends to be more repressed and less openly sexual than his brother, so it is what it is.

Where was I going with this? That's a good question. I got a bit distracted, sorry. Oh right...

At its root, destiel is a reactive projection. There is undeniable tension between characters in the show. Since all of the main cast are male, that tension is highly homoerotic. The two main characters, who are undeniably emotionally enmeshed and co-dependent with each other (a very well established canon fact btw), happen to be blood-related brothers. Oh no! Where is all that tension coming from since we cannot admit or accept that it's coming from them? Ah ha! Here is a new male character that we like, yes, it is obviously coming from his interactions with one of the brothers, even though he wasn't in the first 60 episodes. Yes, it all makes perfect sense now, all that tension was merely foreshadowing.

I've read through all the destiel subtext posts. I've gone back and watched all the scenes they reference multiple times with the express purpose of finding destiel. I'm telling you it is just a fanon ship. Which is 100% fine and good, ship that ship, just stop declaring it more canon than canon, because it's not.

And if you don't like fictional incest, cool, cool, you don't have to. But the underlying sexual tension existed in the first 60 episodes prior to Misha being cast on the show, so it was coming from somewhere. And it'd be cooler if you learned how to scroll past people shipping wincest, like I'm sure you do for all the other weirdass, squicky shit that people post all over the internet. But if it makes your heart beat a little faster to imagine that Dean and Cas have eyesex but that Dean and Sam don't, that's fine. I think it's delusional because neither ship is actually canon and both are 100% A-Ok in fanon, and honestly Jensen doesn't seem to be able to control his eyes, which is not something anyone should feel bad about (it's fucking marvelous) but you do you.

*Castiel does love Dean. He confessed as much, but Dean did not reciprocate. What I am referencing is a mutual romance or attraction, which does not exist.

[beautysurvives]

*not done with this, may or may not finish it, wanted to post anyway*

a little (nsfw) destiel fic set immediately after the events of 10x14 The Executioner’s Song

*************************************************

Cas doesn’t have to knock. He knows that.

Dean knows that too.

About two years ago, when they thought he was gonna move in, for a second, before Gadreel — before Dean — made that impossible, he’d allowed himself to fantasize about having a boyfriend who’s there when he comes home. Falls asleep in his bed in the middle of the day and stays there. Content to wait. Hold down the fort while he’s away.

For the first time, Cas actually wanted to stay. As a matter of fact, he had to. He was persona non grata among his family once again. All the hope of going back, being welcomed with open arms, slowly dying.

And, like all the other angels, his wings were gone. He couldn’t just fly away anymore.

But Dean liked to think it was more than that. More than just needing a place to stay. More than having nowhere else to go. More than losing his wings.

Cas had finally become human, and he wanted to stay.

He calls his name through the closed door — closed, not locked — and Dean says, “Yeah,” trying, the same way he did earlier in the kitchen with Sam, to conjure up some life.

But it comes out even more hopeless. Shaky, weak. His chances of fooling Cas are somehow even lower without Sam in the room.

With Sam, at least, it feels possible to pretend, despite how well he knows him — or thinks he knows him, sometimes. They at least have the courtesy to ignore each other’s falling apart until it becomes too much. Stay nestled in their usual roles for as long as they both can.

But Cas has his angel thing, his sixth sense that can see past any of Dean’s bullshit. See into his soul. Plunge through his skin — right through his skull — with just his eyes.

And then he’s also got that thing about his personality that won’t let him leave well enough alone. That’s how he knew about the mark in the first place. Dean had tried his best to avoid it, but all he’d really done was delay the inevitable. All he had to do was get one good look, and he was bound to, sooner or later.

Dean watches him walk in — see, Cas didn’t wait for permission. He didn’t have to, and he knew it. The knock was just a pretense, acknowledging the existence of boundaries, because he understands now that human beings have those.

But opening the door, walking in, it says what Cas always says. Su casa, mi casa.

Your body, my body.

That’s just how Heaven is. How Heaven raised him. He can’t be blamed.

There used to be a time when Dean was grateful for the familiarity.

Cas clears his throat awkwardly. A habit Dean thinks he picked up, maybe, from his recent time spent as a man, experiencing phlegm. No grace in him to burn it away. All those muscles he’d barely ever used. Barely knew were there. Suddenly activating.

“I can heal your injuries, if you want.”

Dean laughs before nodding. “Yeah, okay.” It’s still effortless, to laugh at Cas’s squint and head tilt combo, the way, for all his divine insight, he remains so befuddled — so easily distracted — by social interactions. Dean doesn’t have to try hard to deceive him as long as he can confuse him.

But right now, Cas seems completely focused on his task, advancing on the gash near Dean’s eyebrow with determination. He brushes a finger over it, and Dean feels his grace rushing in — but only so far. Only this one spot.

He intends to take his time. Split Dean into sections. Do him one by one.

When Dean opens his eyes, he sees a second of uncertainty. Not knowing where to go next. What part of Dean to touch.

What does it mean that he chose me over Crowley?

Dean had always intended to kiss him; he was simply biding his time. Now just makes sense, because Cas is between his legs, just barely pressing him back into the edge of the desk, one hand resting on his hip, the other hovering near his bruised jaw.

Dean kisses him, and Cas closes his eyes, seeming just as sure about this as he is (of course, Dean can never really tell, with Cas). Fingers ghosting along his jaw. Letting Dean lick his way into his mouth, push away his trenchcoat to run his hands along his sides. He can hear the soft ringing of Cas’s grace before he feels its warmth in his bones, filling the side of his face with light.

Dean pulls him close, and the mark wants him to tear his clothes off, throw him against the wall, bite his neck so hard��

“Sorry.” He pulls back, only as much as the desk and the wall and Cas’s hands allow.

Cas quickly looks away. Back to healing, like nothing ever happened. “You don’t have to apologize.”

He moves on to Dean’s screaming, nearly dislocated shoulder, hand hovering dangerously close to the imprint of his palm — now just a constellation of faded, moon shaped scars that most of Dean’s hookups ignore.

“I know that the mark can make you do things you don’t necessarily want to do.”

Like what? Running off with Crowley?

Making the first move, instead of waiting for you to do something like I always do?

“But you’re doing a great job at fighting it. I admire you, Dean.” He says it the way he once said, I don’t envy your position.

The mark wants Dean to kill him.

But maybe, for tonight, it’ll settle for fucking him senseless.

Cas closes his eyes, displeasure written on his face. Like there’s something not quite right about the injury, something that can better be addressed by sliding Dean’s flannel further down, slipping his hand under his t-shirt, taking Dean’s whole shoulder and gripping tight before he turns the light on again. Dean bites back a gasp, wanting nothing more than to give in entirely, open the floodgates of his soul and feel Castiel’s restored grace running through his whole body.

Getting fucked senseless might be just as good.

He buries his face in Cas’s chest and lets out a small back of the throat whine. Presses his lips into the linen that always smells like the last time Jimmy Novak was in it. Detergent and sweat and fear and blood. He takes the breast pocket between his teeth as Cas squeezes tighter, and the grace feels almost uncomfortably hot, and then perfectly cool. Feels like if being set on fire was a good thing.

Feels like a part of him returning — like his body slowly reaching dynamic equilibrium, things falling into place with ease.

Like coming home.

He must seem like a wild animal to him. A panting, salivating, hot mess. Bleeding knuckles and broken fingers. Something less evolved.

All the times they fucked or messed around, it was never like this. Dean liked — likes to be clean, and he liked to treat Cas — all powerful angel Cas, who made Crowley his bitch and turned himself into God — gently. Easily broken Cas. Angel statuette, Cas.

Dean liked uncreating him, watching him regress from something made of marble to soft wet clay. From heaven’s soldier to something like a man. He liked to think they’d have time to work their way up to the kind of wild, ruthless sex he’d had with Emma’s mom, when he was trying to move on. Or with Crowley.

“Sorry,” Dean says again, just as the light leaves Cas’s hand. He pulls away, and Dean finds his shoulder is moveable again, even better than before.

“Why do you keep saying that?”

Dean sighs and closes his eyes, cringing. But he has to say it anyway, no matter how pathetic. “Just — uh. I’m sure you don’t wanna have to touch me… like this.”

He opens his eyes to check — and Good, he thinks. It hurt the way it was designed to.

“Dean-” He sighs, looking down. Neither of them willing to face the thing head on.

But Cas surprises him, taking him by the arm. The mark sings under his palm, burning with a different kind of pain than the rest of his yet-to-be-healed body. An unbearable kind of pain. It never stops. It begs to be able to stop.

He doesn’t have to say it. If I could heal this with my grace, I would.

Dean says, “I know, Cas. I know.”

Cas lifts his chin and kisses him again in a way that quickly becomes voracious. It’s possible he thinks this is the only way Dean wants to be kissed now. The only reason Dean would want to be kissed by him.

Dean can taste the wrath of Heaven on his tongue. Then he can taste the grace. Like everything with Cas, it’s familiar. Although, technically, even this belongs to someone else. And now Dean’s soul is marred by someone else’s touch, his latest resurrection owed to a different force. Both of them a mutating patchwork of borrowed things. Less and less like who they were when they first met.

Still, this reminds Dean of being reborn.

It pains him to ask, between kissing and healing, “You don’t have anywhere to be tonight do you?” He knows the answer is no — Cas isn’t interested in anything anymore besides getting rid of the mark — but he’s remembering the last time he had him alone in this room. What he means is, There’s no one waiting for you, right?

No “females” outside, riding shotgun in Cas’s crappy pimp mobile.

He feels a flare of jealousy — an inferno really — at the memory of Hannah and the way she looked at him. His whole cult of angelic Cas-worshippers, at his beck and call, before his loyalty to Dean frightened them away.

Metatron’s rotating cast of suicide bombers, including Tessa — the first monster that Dean almost gave his life to, years before he knew what it was to have someone to live for — before someone like Cas appeared, who’d decided that his survival wasn’t contingent on Dean’s death. Who would’ve died before letting anything touch him. Who would put him first — before Sam. Before the world. Even before Heaven.

The whole cult episode reminded him just how common it was to kneel and pray to Castiel. How common he was — they all were. Weak to his persuasion. Not just humans. Not just demons. Other angels — even reapers. Sheep, to him. God’s Chosen.

At the time, when the mark was still fresh and its effects still unexpected, the moment brought back every ugly thing that had passed between them. Everything Dean had already forgiven. All of the worst things about loving Cas.

“No,” the angel says calmly. “The only place I need to be is here… As long as this is where you want me.”

Hope in his eyes. It would be so easy to snuff it out.

If what Cain said is true, there will come a day when Dean won’t hesitate.

“You already know I want you here.”

He proves it. Cas lets him for a moment, then he pulls away.

“You’re still hurt.”

“So you’re saying you don’t-”

“I’m saying, let me finish what I’m doing. Then you can — ravish me to your heart’s desire.”

Dean laughs. “Fine.”

While Cas works on his knee, Dean looks at his own half-bare arms, flannel bunching at his elbows where Cas pushed it down. He clears his throat loudly. “Do you need me to take off my clothes?”

He adds a “Doctor?” for good measure, purring the word in Cas’s ear.

At first he smiles, and then there’s a brief flash of pain — thinking, again, about what he can’t heal. But the look becomes determination.

“Yes, that would be helpful. Thank you.”

“I should be the one thanking you,” Dean says as he lets it fall. Cas’s eyes rake over him — lingering for maybe a second on the mark, but then the rest of him too. His skin, speckled with little bruises. Cuts and abrasions. The tightness of his t-shirt, which hides even more than it reveals.

“Well… this is just a routine checkup, so there’s really no need.”

Dean sighs so quiet that Cas doesn’t catch it. You’re supposed to be, like, saving my life or something, he moans internally. But he decides to just roll with the weak improvisation, at the same time that Cas says, “You can keep this on for now,” taking his time to look up from Dean’s chest, just enough to meet his eyes.

It still gives him goosebumps, being checked out like that.

Big difference between him and Crowley — Crowley made Dean feel wanted, yeah. Sexy even. But Cas makes him feel beautiful.

This time when Cas kisses him, it’s better. Soft, not full of fire. But like a first kiss between strangers who are only just discovering how much they like each other.

Dean answers with his eyes closed, half out of character. “Well you’re not supposed to do that.”

“I apologize,” he says, becoming shy. “I don’t know what came over me… I suppose I uh, I find it difficult to focus on doing my job properly in the presence of someone I find so… alluring.” His eyes flutter open just as Cas leans back. “But you’re right. That was completely unprofessional, and it won’t happen again. You’re owed the same high level of care as all my other patients… Of course I understand if you’d prefer to be seen by someone else.”

Dean swallows the lump in his throat, straightening his back and gripping the desk with one hand, running the other through his hair. Here’s a chance to add some texture to the story. “Uuhm, well, honestly, Doctor — even though I can and probably should report this behavior to your bosses, I think I’m willing to look past this little slip, because…” He bites his lip while he thinks of something workable and not too cliche, leaning into the nervous patient thing, maybe in over his head but still determined to get what he came for. “Well, even though this is just a routine check up, I’ve heard about… how good you are at taking care of people. I guess I wanted at least one chance to see for myself how you’d, uh, handle a case like me.”

Cas blinks. “A case like you…? From what I saw on your chart, you don’t have any pre-existing conditions — is there something bothering you, mis-”

“Maybe you can figure out what it is.”

Cas nods. “Maybe we should continue the examination.”

“Uh-huh. You said keep on the shirt, right? So pants and shoes.” Cas steps back to let him swing his leg up onto the desk, watches him lift the leg of his jeans and unlace his leather boots.

He kicks that one off and does the other, and when he’s done Cas says, “Very good. While you were removing your shoes, I noticed that you had some difficulty bending your limbs.” He takes his spot again, between Dean legs, laying a hand on each thigh. “Are you experiencing any pain — or swelling? Are your pants unusually tight?”

“…Yeah actually. Can you-”

Cas looks him in the eye as he undoes his belt, takes it by the silver buckle and pulls it free, lays it aside and within reach. He tugs the button roughly before he unfastens it, but unzipping the fly is so gentle, quick and precise Dean’s not even sure when it’s done. “Lift your butt off the table so I can pull down your pants.” Dean is quick to obey, watching as Cas kneels down, bringing them to Dean’s ankles, then taking his feet and guiding them out one at a time.

He stays there, observing his legs with furrowed brows. “Well, the source of the swelling is… very apparent, but you’ve got a lot of scrapes and bruises on your legs. You must be very clumsy.”

“Oh yeah,” Dean agrees. “The clumsiest.”

“That’s unfortunate. You don’t deserve to get hurt so often. What do you do for work?”

He cycles through a handful of easy responses. Cocktail waitress, stripper, prostitute. Construction worker, lion tamer, stuntman. “Uh… I’m a body double. Like in movies. One of those guys who gets set on fire or falls off a motorcycle or, uh, shows his ass when the actor doesn’t want to. Last movie I did — bondage stuff.”

“I see. Well, if you’re interested, I can give you something now to address these scars. It’s an experimental method of treatment. And I promise it has nothing to do with… what happened earlier, or my personal feelings. But it does require me to use my mouth.”

Dean’s eyebrows fly so high they might as well grow wings of their own. He coughs to cover up choking. “Okay… I trust you. Do…” Deep breath. “Whatever you think is best.”

Cas says nothing, barely nods, shifting so that he’s on his knees. Dean stiffens reflexively as he leans close, warming his thigh with his even, barely-there breaths.

Dean gasps as the breath travels down to his shin. Cas lowers his sock, and Dean watches his mouth glow from within.

He just barely presses these soft bright lips to Dean’s tender skin, healing the sprain underneath. And then slowly trailing his healing kisses up. Excruciatingly slow.

Torn calf muscle, scraped knee. He puts a hand around the back of it to steady himself, and Dean wraps his other leg around him on instinct. “Fuck — sorry,” he says, but Cas is too busy to give him a response. Too focused on doing his job. By the time he reaches the inner thigh, Dean is trembling, hissing, “Cascascas — stop.” He waves a hand in his face to get his attention, then lets it fall limply onto the desk.

“You gotta slow down. You’re kinda driving me nuts.”

“Oh… I’m sorry.” And his prideful little smirk isn’t helping, especially not while he’s wearing Dean’s leg like a sash. “I thought this was an efficient way to achieve our shared goals.”

“Yeah. Maybe a little too efficient.”

“You mean you want this to take long?” Dean nods — duh. “That’s good. So do I.”

Goddammit…

“Okay… then you better get the Hell up… and maybe don’t talk as much.”

“I thought you wanted me to be more communicative.”

He rolls his eyes openly. Cas really isn’t making this any easier.

“That was last time.” Cas was human then — Dean thought he should probably be trained — and they were in the backseat of Baby, a few blocks away from the Gas n Sip.

He tries not to think about it.

He has to look away as Cas slowly rises to his feet, and he sighs, squeezing his eyes shut as soon as the hand around his leg tightens, and the other grabs his thigh to hoist Cas’s body up the rest of the way.

Oh my God, Dean mouths. It’s been too long, and he wants Cas too much. Even the mark can’t erase that constant longing. The mark just makes it hurt.

Cas heals his other leg without telling him. This one is almost like a slap in the face. The kind that wakes you up. Sends a jolt through his whole body.

“If your problem right now, Dean, is that you’re too attracted to me, I’m really not sure how we can fix it. Should we tone it down with the doctor stuff? Or… maybe you should just not look at me? I don’t know.”

“Didn’t I say don’t talk?” he nearly begs.

Cas goes quiet, looking down at Dean’s burden, straining to be freed. “You know,” he says, taking pleasure in his own disobedience, meeting Dean’s eyes with an intense gaze, something teasing underneath, “we could just bring you to orgasm now. I’m sure I could help you become erect again relatively quickly.”

Now it’s Dean’s turn to be quiet — a pause that only lasts about half as long as Cas’s before he says, “Yeah okay.”

He’s about 75% sure that Cas has worked some magic to make the minutes feel like hours — if they were minutes at all. All he knows is that time doesn’t exist. All there is is Cas’s middle finger still inside him. Still with its rhythmic pulse. The thumb of his other hand gently coaxing out the last of a never-ending orgasm, so intense there’s an element of pain that reminds Dean of being shocked. Muscles tensing. Holding his breath.

His command, when he decides that it’s over — when he knows that Dean is too calm, too soft and content to do much, other than what he’s told — other than whatever will make Cas happy — when he’s certain that the mark hasn’t taken that from him yet — “Why don’t you remove your shirt and wait for me on the bed.”

He lets him go, weak and tingling. Wobbly deer legs take him just far enough to safely collapse.

For a while Cas comes in and out of view — Dean assumes he’s cleaning up their mess, and maybe fixing the laptop that they knocked to the floor — but he leans down to tug on Dean’s shirt.

“Dean. I asked you to take this off.”

“Shit, sorry, my bad,” he says as he pulls it up over his head and tosses it away. He lays down on his belly and closes his eyes. He could fall asleep here, like this, knowing that Cas is close and busy.

The mark wants Dean to kill him, but he can hardly hear it over the ringing in his ears. Church bells.

“Are you healing me again?”

Cas gives an affirmative grunt, and Dean starts rolling his eyes, but it feels too nice, and Cas predicts the thing that makes it even better, swinging a leg over to trap Dean under him.

His fingers trace down his back, following the arrow of his spine.

“When I first met you, you had so many scars here,” he says unexpectedly.

Dean frowns — when they first met, he was as unblemished as a newborn. Then he realizes that Cas is talking about Hell, or his grave. Dean’s corpse, or whatever he was before Cas saved him. Something out of The Walking Dead. “I’d never seen a human being who had suffered so many assaults.”

Dean’s not sure why he laughs. “Bullshit.”

“Well I mean… up close. I'd spent a lot of time — watching humanity. But…” It’s no longer about healing; he’s rubbing up and down his back absentmindedly, coveting the pleasing sound Dean makes when he finds his way to the back of his head, takes a fistful of hair and gives it a gentle tug. Ruffles his hair and smooths it down, and in the process pushing the side of his face down into the bed, softly kneading the aching muscles at the base of his skull.

“My first vessel… she’d never gotten hurt before, physically. Not even so much as a broken arm.

“She was her father’s prized possession. But when the family fell on hard times, he was willing to sell her into a marriage with a man who he called his friend. So she turned to God for help.

“And when He didn’t answer, she considered joining a convent. She was about to, before I…”

“Got her killed?”

“No, I… After our final mission together, I reported back to Anna, alone. I said that I had been ambushed and lost my vessel in the process…”

“… You told her to run, didn’t you?”

He chuckles quietly. “For years, I was convinced that Anna knew. Just… waiting for the punishment I was certain I had earned. But it never came…” Cas shrugs.

“Or maybe it did. I mean, for all I know, they reprogrammed me right after, and allowed me to believe I was… improving on my own.”

Improving on my own.

Dean remembers the Castiel that raised him from perdition. Tried to talk to him twice — but for some reason, Dean wasn’t one of those special people who could hear what he had to say.

They all — Dean, Sam, Bobby, Pamela — forced Cas to appear, and burned Pamela’s eyes out in the process. Of course, Dean is more to blame for that than anyone.

He wonders now, not for the first time, if Cas could’ve left Jimmy and his family out of it — if only Dean hadn’t been so desperate to see him. To know who and what he was and why he wanted Dean bad enough to defy nature. To prove it to himself.

If Dean had just left well enough alone — if he wasn’t always so fucking needy — would Cas have ever knocked on the Novaks’ door? Would he have chosen some other vessel — some other family from a list of alternates? Would he have returned to the battlefield at all?

“Are you falling asleep?” Cas asks him.

“Well no need to sound so hopeful.”

“No — it’s not — I just mean… It’s a good sign, for you to be feeling tired. It means you’re still functioning normally.”

“Yeah,” he answers shakily. “It is good, isn’t it?”

“But,” Dean adds a moment later, “I don’t wanna be one of those guys who only cares about himself.”

“You could never be.”

He turns onto his back, laughing and groaning at the same time. “I mean, what about you, Cas?”

He waggles his brows suggestively, and Cas laughs and hides his face. It’s the most human he’s ever looked.

When he meets his gaze his eyes are heavy with lust, the humor slowly fading. “I understand what you’re saying… But your condition-”

“I wanna feel normal as long as I can, Cas.” God. It makes him sound terminal.

In a way, he is.

“And if normal looks like getting dicked down by an angel who kinda sucks at roleplay, I think I can live with that.”

“… I don’t suck.”

“Yeah you do. Little bit. Come on, admit it.”

Cas rolls his eyes. “I will not.”