#and maybe briefly thinking about May Day Bullshit

[badolmen]

Sometimes you lie awake at midnight thinking, “wow. I really needed to contact a trauma therapist months ago.”

[are-we-really-doing-this]

Aight. SummerSlam is in 50 and some odd days, that’s like, what, 8 Smackdowns and/or Raws to either fix this or make things ten times worse? They would be plum STUPID to hand Logan another heavyweight title match but since Cena walked into his miserable little life I’m not leaving it off the table unfortunately. As for the unseen seventeen himself, I’m also not counting out Cody because the return in Tampa yadda yah but if uh, if that shakes out with them in a singles match, if Cody loses there will be another one, and maybe even another tag or even trios match involving the current peanut gallery plus uh, Punk or Sami and uh, ugh god knows who, MGK, Kai Cenat, Travis, the Rock?? Nah.

AND, and and and, we have another Saturday Night’s Main Event to deal with with the buildup to Jersey. Best case scenario in the event of a second Logan/Jey singles match on either show is that Paul loses and the night ends with a Cody and Cena brawl that sets up their singles match sometime in the nebulous future, and that’s even if they get booked for another title match. I think the odds are pretty good right now which blows, it’s a waste of time, but whatever. The ACTUAL best case scenario is that all this shit wraps up tonight and the two blondies go back into hiding for at least the next couple weeks, hopefully more for Logan.

Since Punk’s championship prospects are looking grim right now I’m not gonna put ALL my money on him getting a singles match with Cena (even though that should’ve been on this goddamn show but whatever), I think he’ll continue to feud with Seth until they have a singles match, and Punk and Sami may end up going somewhere and it may not. Best case scenario here is that there’s a resolution to their feud OR, or, what would be sexy, Seth somehow lands a singles match with Cena after he eats up and spits out Cody AGAIN and PUNK interferes causing Seth to lose and that could either get us a Punk/Cena singles match (good ending) or another threeway at perhaps Survivor Series (true ending). The odds of this are SO waning right now but it’s just my ideal outcome. If Hunter wants ANY amount of good will to stick to him in 2025, something like this will turn out and Cena will be retired by Punk who will either take that championship like he did 14 years ago or he’ll choke and Cena will follow in Punk’s footsteps, OR, if there is a God, R-Truth will return tonight, punch Cena in the balls, and try to take the title off Cena at like Night of Champions in Saudi or something. Maybe then we’ll get heel Truth.

ANYWAYS, who do we think Cena is fighting in Perth. Punk? Seth? Cody? Jey? Roman???? No, but imagine. No I changed my mind I don’t wanna.

ALSO, just as a refresher, the men’s MITB lineup:

Just gonna run some bullshit by you, my own opinion.

Knight wins, he cashes in on either Jey or Cena, and wins or loses respectively.

Penta wins, he cashes in on Jey, and loses amicably.

Andrade wins, he cashes in on Jey, and loses.

Solo wins, he cashes in on Jey, and wins but holds the title very briefly, or he loses by way of interference from Jacob Fatu.

Seth wins, he cashes in on Cena, and loses either due to a disqualification or in the instance of everyone banned from ringside, by way of interference from Punk, or if he’s the guest ref, Punk refuses to give either guy the pin, GTS’s both of them, steals the belt, and gets assaulted by either man’s posse and the match is ruled a no contest by a new ref or Cena wins with another nutshot and/or beltshot.

Not even gonna mention the last guy because the way things are going he may very well get the case and I don’t want to think about that right now.

[eldritch-sanctum]

Yknow those scenes around the promised day where greed protects people/insists injured people stop fighting? Do you ever rotate them around in your mind like rotisserie chicken? Cus i sure do

Yup, I have.

To me, it’s that Greed is grasping the idea of being a leader. He’s taking Ling’s ideas of being the king for his people with his own idea of protecting others. Greed still wants to rule the world at this point, and maybe has mulled a little about what that it really means to do so, but not in a whole lot of depth yet.

Something that I get the impression of with Greed is that he has a very special and theorized ideal of ownership that rarely exists in this world. It’s an ideal that people use to justify bullshit in real life, but Greed has it in spades. It’s the ideal that if you own something (such as resources especially) you will be more motivated to protect, value, and cherish it; what tends to happen is things and resources get exploited. He is permitted then to extend this “ownership” to people since it’s just “love and cherish other people” with several added edgelord steps. (It would be funny if Greed is also Father’s capacity for love and then he wonders if he should really be named “Love”)

I guess if someone where to ask him at this point what he would do if he did get to become a “god” like Father at that point and rule the world, what he would do, and is answer might be “protect the world” under several layers of edgelord talk. He may have given thought about the kind of god or king he would like to be, even if such grandiose ideas were not what he really wanted but what he thought he needed.

(I feel like this discussion is starting to lean or bleed a little into my discussions about MCU Loki. To be fair, I don’t think I would have gotten so attached to Greed if it weren’t for getting horrifically brainrotted on MCU Loki earlier because the Loki show on Disney+ mulls about themes about self-hate, self-love, what it means to be a god and a ruler, etc. and then breaks your heart several times in beautifully agonizing ways.)

Anyway,

So basically he is being protective of others, and also might have some thought of “reckless humans” seeing people horribly injured wanting to still fight against Father. He even says this to the Ice Queen Armstrong herself who gets mad until she is told how much damage Father did to the Central building.

I also wonder if just before that scene, he blocked Ling from his senses to briefly tell Lan Fan something like “If I cannot pull myself away from Father, I will make sure your young lord will not be pulled in. I will take down Father and I will let you know when to cut him from me.”

[berrypass-de-murdler]

S-S1 Throw the Book at Me: An Idunit

I graduated the School of Mystery with the second highest degree!

Still not perfect though, I must not be a true murdler :<

Garnet and Graystone from the storyline I butchered once again

Anyway, here are the bonus episodes

DON'T READ THE EPISODES WITHOUT READING THE BOOKS!!

It’s time to publish The School of Mystery. Logico thinks it is his greatest work yet, while Irratino argues it’s also the least truthful. 

LOGICO: So as long as I look amazing throughout it, people will love it.

They both trundle over to the lair of Logico’s dimwitted publisher, Chairman Chalk. He’s currently in a fistfight with Dame Obsidian.

CHALK: LOGICO THANK GOD YOU’RE HERE!!!!!! OBSIDIAN: Oh? CHALK: I couldn’t take another second in Obsidian’s grasp!  OBSIDIAN: It’s cute that you’re here… because it seems a murder is at play.

Logico is irritated, because he had worked so hard on this book and just wants it to be published already. Editor Ivory walks into the room and steps on the body of the day.

IVORY: EEEWWWWW-UH! IRRATINO: You know what to do, Logico. LOGICO: Yes. And because of that, you don’t need to say anything at all.

He brings out his handy dandy notebook and draws some perfect squares. To think - he’s been doing this since he was twelve years old! It’s amazing how the time flies. He has to wonder - how many murders has he solved in all since then? From the massive conspiracies to all the little ones in between…

IRRATINO: I thought you wanted to get that published. LOGICO: DON’T RUSH ME

He decides to make things a little quicker by multitasking.

LOGICO: Say, Chalkers, you and I are friends, right? CHALK: B-But… you hate me! You say it to my face! LOGICO: What say after this murder is… ha ha�� dead and done, you may publish my latest book?

Chalk sticks his nose in the pages.

CHALK: Am I in it? LOGICO: Yes.

A happy bleat. Seems like that’s a yes.

IVORY: Heyyyyy Obsidian~ 

Sid ignores her.

IVORY: I said heyyYYYY OBSIDIAN… UGH!! Why does she talk to CHALK more than ME? Does she like MEN or something?!

Obsidian has stolen the first copy of Logi’s new masterpiece and is flipping through it. She does not look pleased.

LOGICO: Um, e-excuse me!  OBSIDIAN: Yes? LOGICO: That’s… mine. OBSIDIAN: The way you wrote me is nice enough, I suppose… but most of this is bullshit, I have to say. LOGICO: I don’t CARE what you think! Give it back!!

That’s a lie. Logico cares very deeply about what Obsidian thinks and this crushed him.

IVORY: ughhhHHH now she’s talking to Logico?! What does an editor have to do to get NOTICED he-yurr?

She glances at a candle, and gets a “bright” idea.

IVORY: OH NO MY WORK, HELPPP! CHALK: [scream] WHAT HAVE YOU DONE??

Ivory’s entire desk is on fire. Obsidian looks over briefly, but continues to betray Ivory and slyly throws Logico’s book in the wastebin.

LOGICO: GIVE THAT BACK!! IRRATINO: Hey Logico? LOGICO: I don’t need your help.

All on his own, Logico deduces Obsidian as the killer. What a clever boy.

CHALK: Oh, that’s pretty good! I-I’ll publish the book. OBSIDIAN: And you’d better publish mine next. This little incident is worthy of another novel.

Logico fails to see how this is even an engaging episode, much less an entire book, but there’s no arguing with the Sid. He hands over his draft, and twirls away leaving Irratino in the dust. Everything is idyllic now!

The end! 

Maybe I shouldn't go to a murdle event after all hahehahhdjansvkdbg i'm not good enough </3

The power of Goat Lord compels you!

See you next time murdlers!

help me save myself here!

[readersandimagines]

Gone Missing - Chapter 1

Okay so this took me way too long to write! I decided to try and write it in first person but also still keep it neutral enough that a reader could place themselves in the story? I may scrap this and go back to 2nd or 3rd person we shall see! Sooo let me know what you think! Only other warning I have is I didn't proof read this and quickly put it together.

But uhh essentially you're Adam's sibling and he's been missing for three days too many so you do what any sensable human would do and go to the police station to report him missing. Dectective Hoffman is on the case ;3

It had been three days. Three days wondering where in the world my brother, Adam had gotten up to. I sighed, checking my phone for what felt like the hundredth time today. Still no callback. Maybe Adam just got busy, I thought trying to reassure myself that he was fine. The last time we spoke he told me about some ex cop that was paying him pretty good money, so maybe he was just busy with that?

“I can’t do this anymore!” I exclaimed, standing up to grab my coat.

I quickly locked the door to my apartment and headed out. I needed to stay calm, but my mind raced with too many thoughts to grab hold of anything. As I walked and held my phone close; Adam had exactly 20 minutes to call me before I reported him as a missing person. I knew he would be angry, but I couldn’t lose him. He was the only family I had left.

The autumn air was crisp as I started to walk along the street. Cars and people passed by continuing on their way. Their world continued to move forward while it felt like mine froze. I could feel a lump growing in my throat as I pushed the door open to enter the Metropolitan Police Department.

The front was unremarkable dead. A small lobby with a few chairs and a main desk with an officer to greet you. Taking a deep breath, I approached the desk mentally preparing to deal with whatever bullshit these guys could throw at me. As long as they help me find him that’s all that matters. 

“Name and case number?” the voice asked.

“Uhh… I don’t have one?” I answered, earning a sigh and annoyed glance from the man behind the desk.

Normally this man wouldn’t have bothered me so much. I would just sass him back and yet I couldn’t bring myself to do that. 

“You don’t have a name?” the cop asked a little louder, gaining some attention from people behind him.

“I have a name, but I don’t have a case number.” I responded, feeling my chest tighten. “I… need to file a missing persons case.”

“Sweetie people go missing every day in this town, you sure they didn’t just dump you?”

Anger, confusion, sadness. Each one leaving as quickly as it came. I couldn’t understand how walking into a police station was such a problem. The man behind the desk examined me, seeming to want to say something else before another man in a suit walked up. The two officers exchanged words briefly before the man in the suit walked over. I clenched my jaw, I knew I shouldn’t have come here. I would have better luck finding Adam myself than trusting these people.

“Detective Hoffman,” the man called, extending his rather large hand out to me.

“_________ Stanheight,” I answered, taking his hand into my own. 

He had a strong, but gentle handshake as he gestured to the chairs in the lobby. If this had been a regular day, I would have been having to contain my emotions as I looked over the detective. He had the brightest blue eyes and a nice smile. He wasn’t ripped like other cops, but he definitely seemed to be in shape. I just hoped he could help me find Adam.

“I couldn’t help but overhear,” Detective Hoffman said, gesturing towards the front desk. “What makes you think someone is missing?”

“I don’t think anyone is missing. I know my brother Adam is missing. We talk everyday and now I can’t get in touch with him,” I huffed, my annoyance starting to grow as the detective nodded, pulling a notebook out of his pocket.

“Adam huh? How long has it been since you spoke? Could he just not have his phone?” he asked, earning a glare from me.

“It’s been three days. Look, I know he’s missing. We talk everyday. And one of your officers hired him to follow some doctor--” I snapped before he cut me off.

“One of our officers?” 

“Yes! Some old guy-- Bob Tapp? I think?” I exclaimed, mentally kicking myself for not getting the name when Adam had originally told me.

“Detective Tapp? But he’s dea--” the original guy from the desk started to say before Hoffman cut him off.

“All the more reason to take their information,” he said sharply.

“D-dead?” I stammered, my eyes widening. “No, you have to be mistaken, Adam just got hired by this guy.”

Everything around me felt like it was spinning. If the guy that hired Adam was dead-- no Adam couldn’t be dead. My thoughts grew louder and I couldn’t focus. Time seemed to freeze. I could feel tears filling my eyes before I felt a strong, but firm touch on my shoulder bringing me back to reality for a moment.

“Hey, I need you to calm down. We will do everything we can to find your brother,” Hoffman said firmly.

“He can’t die,” I whispered, trying desperately to stop the flood gates trying to open. “He’s… the only family I have left.”Hoffman’s face softened briefly and he nodded like he understood what I felt. I needed to calm down. I needed to give him the information. But I also desperately needed to go out and start my own search. It felt like the wind had been knocked from beneath my sails and yet all I could do was focus on one singular thought: Adam could be in serious danger.

[danisbrainrot]

modern day taivan hc’s if they never broke up maybe………………………

taivan <3

ofc!! this might seem out of character but idk how else to write it considering they lived VERY different lives.

first, I think they would have broken up briefly after being rescued—just until taissa finished uni. but they'd miss each other everyday, and would flick through photos whenever it's quiet or its late at night.

they both move far away from their home town—too many bad memories.

that's why it's so shocking when they see each other randomly one day, bumping into each other somewhere that's so far from where they grew up. (literally tied together by an invisible string).

when they meet up again after like a few years, immediately tai flings herself into van's arms because she missed them so bad—it doesn't matter where they are, a bar, uni, on the street. she just needed to feel van's warmth again.

after dating for like two months, they move in together and start renting a shitty flat above a movie rental store, and van works there while tai works at some fancy lawyer firm. they make ends meet, and they get frustrated from time to time, but the nights always ends in them showing how much they loved each other.

whenever tai does the dishes it's compulsory for van to wrap her arms around tai's waist and snuggle her chin into the crook of tai's neck. they would do a lot of domestic fluff like this, because they just wanna make up for lost time.

the two of them snuggled on the couch while watching movies van borrowed from downstairs, popcorn bowl tucked neatly between them. they're drowning in blankets, but it doesn't matter because they're both just so comfy.

late night discussions about what happened in the woods because they need to find some way to process what the fuck happened out there.

van comforting tai when she starts sleep walking again. they try everything, even tying her to the bed post, but they end up finding work is stressing her out, so they go on a small trip upstate to visit their family.

I feel like life would be a lot slower and peaceful for tai, purely because van doesn't let her get on her bullshit. simone may have accepted and encouraged running for senator (or whatever she ran for, can't quite remember) but after not talking for a few years, van wants all of tai's time and attention. the idea of losing her to the election and strategy meetings is not appealing to her. she dissuades taissa, almost causing a rift in their marriage. but they find their way back to each other, again, cause invisible strings!

I don't think they'd have kids together, honestly. I'm open to changing my mind about that though.

[hellfiresky]

Hellooooooooo vod!! For the soft oc ask 🌼

🌼 Who are this characters friends and found family? How did they meet, how long have they been friends for, could they ever be something more than just friends? What do they look for in a friend or a romantic partner?

Thanks for the question, vod! And this is for Tal!

First of all, Tal would probably roll her eyes at the question, and say something about how “friends” and “family” are a liability in the bounty hunting business. But after a few shots of spotchka, she’d begrudgingly admit that yeah, she does have people she deeply cares about (and would go out of her way to kill for them).

Tal got exiled from her clan when she was only twenty. Spent some time on Nar Shaddaa to run jobs and steal credits by cheating on sabacc tables. One day, she had to book it off-world, dodging a crew of Mandalorian mercs who wanted her for something she’d rather not talk about (yet, will be revealed in later chapters). She was aiming for 1312 but briefly ended up taking a job in Glavis Ringworld (also to fuel her ship), and crossed paths with a young Zeltron bounty hunter (later turned assassin) named Leea Varia. They hit it off quick! Two kids looking for something bigger than the shit they were handed. When Tal set course for Level 1312, Leea tagged along. They built their names there, and became inseparable.

Then came Donz Relak. A human info broker from Corellia, and an informant for the Coruscant Guard. Leea started dating him, and Tal, by default, became their unofficial, adopted grown-up child. Could Tal and Leea have been something more? Maybe. Leea, being polyamorous, was open to it. Tal wasn’t into it, which was for the best, because Leea and Donz worked ridiculously well together. Also, Tal can’t stand Donz (lovingly). They bully each other too much for anything serious. He may or may not have fed some intel about Tal to the CG before she got recruited as a contractor.

Hmm what does she look for in a friend? She’s got plenty of friends, but the ones who stick are the low maintenance ones - who don’t need constant check-ins but always have her back. They keep her on her toes, don’t try to control her, and aren’t fragile enough to crumble under her talk first think later bullshit commentaries. Other than Leea, there’s Yelena, a Nightsister bounty hunter (always keeps things interesting with their friendly competition). And then there’s Fives, ofc, which is the perfect example of the kind of friendship she values. Highly loyal, never takes shit too seriously. He’s the type of friend she can disappear on for months and pick back up with like nothing happened. Tal and Fives loved each other like how friends do regardless their little arrangement.

Now romantic partners. This one is trickier because Tal had never been one for traditional relationships, and got a habit of running the second things get too serious. But if someone were to stick, they’d have to match her energy but know when to ground her and snap her back into reality. They’d have to be able to challenge her, but not completely piss her off. She’s highly intelligent, so she respects intelligence, but if they act like they know better than her, she’ll eat them alive.

Of course they should not be intimidated by her past - She’s been through hell and back. If that scares them, they get the chopping block. The person should also not try to own her, there was a reason she did not try to redeem herself to her Mandalorian clan - she hated feeling trapped and suffocated. They’d obviously have to be able to fight. Of course they’d have to be loyal, but not suffocating. Tal has a life outside of them, and she expects the same. And finally she would want someone to laugh with her, not at her - especially knowing how she can be.

That being said, Rex fits those criteria a little too well. But let’s make her suffer in her own repressed feelings for a while and throw her to a cthon nest.

[deviantartdramahub]

Hey, I need to call out a DA user called MLPTMNTFan2000. The reason I'm calling him out is that he supports incest. (Possibly also pedophilia?) I wanted about it briefly in this post right here. https://www.deviantart.com/gellygirl/status-update/God-fucking-damnit-I-m-so-1069006829 In the comments you can also see a disgusting white-knight blindly defending him. PrincessLilyBrush, who not only also defends incest, but seems to discriminate against adopted children. I'd like to say even if she's adopted, Loona is Blitzo's canonical daughter. You making a bullshit HC to make up excuses for defending and supporting gross stuff like incest won't cut it, buster. https://www.deviantart.com/mlptmntfan2000/art/Helluva-Boss-Happy-Pride-Month-Day-1068763292 Here's the art that made me realize what a gross manchild he was. And yes, We had a whole conversation there, but he censored me and got rid of any evidence of me calling him out. But he can't do anything about this, can he? So anyways, this incel made a fanchild between Loona and Blitzo, a daughter and father. I went digging for more examples. https://www.deviantart.com/mlptmntfan2000/art/Helluva-Boss-A-Wonderful-Gifts-to-Her-Sister-1051597050 (This was made when I was watching him, but I tried assuring myself it wasn't a gross incest thing, and maybe the Ava girl was just a fan-made granddaughter for Blitzo or something...I just wish I alerted myself about the red flags and called out and got away from this moronic creep sooner.) And then this...https://www.deviantart.com/mlptmntfan2000/art/Helluva-Boss-OC-Ava-1032780898 GROSS, straight up stating with no shame what-so-ever that Loona's both her mom and sister. Ugh...and oh my God...it also says Loona was a teenager when they were raising her? Which means Blitzo not only had a child with his daughter, but specifically with his TEENAGE DAUGHTER? FUCKING DISGUSTING! So he IS supporting pedophilia as well! It doesn't matter if Loona's an adult now, BC HE MADE HER HAVE A CHILD WITH HER OWN FUCKING DAD WHEN SHE WAS A MINOR!

This person is so fucking twisted and appalling, and it's so cathartic to expose such a spineless scumbag!! >m<

Do what you want with this information as long as you don't go to far like doxxing or something, but someone like this belongs behind bars -_-

Their art is against DA TOS, for all reading this who are wondering. They may come here to voice their perspectives, but even if someone thinks something is supportable, site rules should be respected, as it's the admins' site. Some education about why may help.

[anonymous-harpy]

Yoji (Baby Vegeta) from universe 6

Wrote a drable below

There are several fantastic ways of implementing the Tuffle parasite into super, the most interesting to me being that the parasite originates from universe 6 rather than 7. Now this could down several ways, and one day I might explore them in detail, but let’s focus on the most likely one- he’s just as much of a spiteful bastard in U6 as he was in U7, but with more Sayians around and more eyes watching in general he has to be more careful about what he does. Now why would he be from U6 and not U7? I like complicated stories and to put it simply- what if a while before the U6 Sayians joined the space age they were competing with Tuffles? And things got well out of hand, but since the victors tell the history, the “heroic” Syaians defeated the evil Tuffles, and overtime Sayians actual became goodies because of their belief in their history as heroes? Literally no one would know the truth except Yoji.

I would not be surprised if- working with the characters as cannon from the anime- he would make use of Frost, manipulating him and inevitably taking over his body (Sorry Icejinlover) and since I love the idea his presence can cause physical changes in the host (ala the white hair and red line on Vegeta), he would definitely make Frost look a bit less like his usual self to try getting around Frost’s wanted status. Also, given that Yoji can definitely peek into someone’s mind he would realize there are Sayians in different universes and would quickly determine his best bet is to bide his time in U6, but this could also be the start of the villain redemption arc (for both? Probably)

He may or may not be on the fence from the start given that he knows how kind Cabba is, and last I was aware Calfia and Kale were doing the whole Robin Hood thing? Why yes I do refuse to look that up so I’m running with that. Yoji would actually see that this generation of Sayians are goodies, but he’s still dependant on his programming (Like our man Cell) so he’s not exactly going to stray from it too easily. Independence and freewill is terrifying to Babe.

There’d be some nasty skirmishes but not quite enough to make Champa do anything about it, because how else would the U7 team be made to have adventures and explore the other universe? Seriously, I really loved GT and what little I watched of the OG dragon ball, the exploration was awesome.

So via a combination of Yoji killing U6 Sayians and not even the likes of Hit being able to stop the sneaky bugger Goku and Vegeta get pulled in to handle this. Except because of power creep, Yoji’s a major pain in the ass to try and get rid off- Still he gets knocked out of Frost which scares the hell outa him, but being much stronger now he catches several people off guard when doing his mind control stuff. And for dramatics sake we don’t see him when he hitches a ride on literally anyone to get into U7.

He’d probably watch how Goku and Vegeta are goodies with their families and start struggling to justify his actions. Maybe he even briefly gets to talk with Piccolo? Maaaaaybe? Also the Gammas and Hido. (I just love the Gammas so much, fite me)

still just for funsies He might try to grab Broly and that goes about as poorly as one could expect and at that point he starts having the break down.

Either he regains his composure and stays a villain (completely valid and what would most likely happen to him at this point in the timeline) or after everything he’s witnessed now that he’s no longer in isolation he attempts to make amends for the bullshit he’s pulled. And oddly enough Vegeta’s probably the person he can relate to the most, one some level, and actual kinda helps him. (I like Vegeta’s journey of maturing and slowly moving past his trauma in super… Yes I think it’s mostly in super. He relaxes by the end of Z, but Whis and Beerus’s constant presence I feel is helping him to find inner peace)

Now… Because I love my boy so much, and just because this is how I feel- He’d be kicked out of U6 after apologizing and he’d just be absorbed into the U7 fold given how many badies have turned into goodies… and would occasionally hitch rides to Beerus’s planet for the joy that is taking instruction from Whis for the same kinda inner peace training.

[flimsy-roost]

hey,

if you went to Redwood High School in 2011/2012, were an average-height white boy with blond hair, and were either in or associated with the special ed system,

hi,

I remember you,

based on my one interaction with you, and on some half-remembered sentences uttered by tertiary characters in this memory (indicating that you may have been in some of their classes), I strongly suspect you're autistic, or neurodivergent in some way. I can't check, I'll never know, I've long since stopped talking to everyone else involved in this memory. this is just the story I tell myself.

so,

you wanted to be friends with a guy with greasy skater-length brown hair and a voice like a chainsmoker, so you followed him around, likely unsure of how to interact but hoping the physical proximity would afford some opportunity for connection. or maybe I'm projecting. unfortunately, this guy was a jackass, and would one day confront you in what I suspect was a purposefully humiliating way. he waited until he had an audience of all of his friends, then physically turned around on you, loudly admonishing you for "stalking" him and telling you clearly, though meanly, to leave him alone. as you scurried away, he turned to the girl next to him and grinned proudly at his assertiveness.

I was the girl. I was dating him at the time.

this moment instigated a seismic shift in my perception of him. even as friends around me commiserated with him about the "creepy guy," I stayed quiet, stunned to silence and horrified by what I saw as an unnecessary cruelty. this capacity for malice recontextualized many other unpleasant moments we'd had. I admit that it took some time to gel. I awkwardly broke up with him that April, promising to remain friends, and spoke to him maybe two more times in my life.

I'm not sure if you saw me, noticed me, remember me. I don't blame you if you don't, there was other bullshit going on at the time. but I remember you. and I couldn't understand what you'd done wrong. I remember your dismay. I thought that I would have been dismayed too. especially because what you did, just hanging around someone hoping they would adopt you as a friend, was how I became friends with nearly every other character in this memory.

a decade later, I got evaluated and ID'd as Autistic and ADHD.

I remembered you. I think you're here, suspended in my long-term memory, because in that deeply unpleasant moment in which we briefly shared space, I felt an inarticulable kinship recognition. lizard-brain shit.

I hope you're doing okay.

[thefixations-ofmine]

OKAY OKAY sorry to be insane in your inbox again but this time i wrote something based on -> #she would take him to the beach and he would love it bc i needed to get their dynamic across, at least the way i see it (i apologize in advance bc i'm not used to writing)

Carl spots May sitting on a vibrant beach towel, looking even more stunning than she did in that knitted top she was wearing the other day. He wonders if her skin feels as soft as it looks. Wonders so many things about her he’s eager to find out. One thing he knows for sure, May Grant is different than the Chicago girls in all the best ways. Approaching her, he notices the AirPods in her ears. Is she a pop girl? She looks like a pop girl. Maybe she likes hip-hop? Or maybe he got her all wrong and she’s the AC/DC type of girl. He gives her a gentle nudge before flopping down next to her, smiling as she tucks the AirPods away. “Hey. What’re you listening to?” May smiles back briefly, “Podcast.” “Uh, cool. Sick band, I listen to them all the time.” The corners of her mouth twitch and she almost snorts, but she’s surprisingly good at maintaining her composure all things considered. That boy didn’t lie when he said he’d mastered the art of bullshitting his way through life. “Really,” she says, her voice thick with amusement as she removes her sunglasses to let him feel the judgement of her glare, “What’s your favorite song?” “Easy,” he scoffs with brazen confidence, “It’s called Take A Swim With Me.” At this point May can’t hide her grin, and she’s doing that thing again where she rolls her eyes, just like when he first tried to get her number at the police station. “Okay, that’s—that’s not a thing.” “Sure is. It’s from the album, uh, I Really Wanna Kiss You. It was a limited edition though, so I understand you’re confused.” Carl leans in just subtly, leaving it up to May to close the rest of the distance. She knew he would be pretty straightforward about his feelings from the moment she met him, and sometimes inappropriately so, but it’s little things like this that make her weak. Draw her in like a moth to the flame. There’s just this fear of getting burned in the back of her head that makes her pull back. Instead, May hands him one of the AirPods. “Here.” Carl gives her a questioning look as she puts the other AirPod in her own ear, and it’s not until she gives him an inviting nod that he does the same. With a beaming smile she grabs her phone. “I’ll show you my favorite song.” “Is it called I’m Totally Into This Guy But I Didn’t Think I Would Like Him And Now I’m Pretending I’m Totally Not Into Him?” he asks bluntly, smirking as she finally lets out that adorable laugh he’s been waiting for. “Jackass.”

☝️☝️☝️

This is so cute stop!!! I got nothing to add here.

May and Carl would definitely have a lot to teach each other about all sorts of things. 🥹

(Btw, anybody who wants to share and be nice is welcome in my inbox!!!)

[elviratheepic]

Idk if I'll stick with this, but I've been in hospital for over a week now and I can feel my brain turning to mush, so I'm thinking it might be good to post like a journal thingy here. I can just throw my thoughts to the void and if anyone feels like throwing any thoughts back at me, maybe I'll reminded what human interaction is lol

And who knows, maybe some bits and pieces of my experiences rn might be handy to someone who ends up seeing it. This is a weird time for me, maybe someone else around here's having, has had or will have some similar weird times and we'll have made a little connection even if we don't speak :)

I mentioned it briefly in a post on my art blog, but to flesh it out a bit, I've been generally run down and really quite unwell like all summer and now into autumn. Been back and forth to the doctor, told I have chest infections, possible asthma, etc. I get booked in for an xray and then something looks weird so a ct scan, still thinking it's pneumonia with some odd symptoms, then a couple days later I get a call from my doctor telling me i am going to the hospital asap, there's a bunch of fluid in my chest that should not be there and also they need to check for lymphoma. I've never been to hospital for more than an orthodontist appointment and while not as surprised as I could be expected to be by the thought of cancer due to having had a weird anxiety fixation thing on the idea for a while (fun coincidence), it was still a bit of an ordeal lol. This was 10 days ago and I have not been home since. I've been coping pretty well considering the wild lack of control I feel over literally anything rn. The steroids they've got me on rn while I wait for further treatment have me feeling better than I have in a long while, and mentally the worst I've been dealing with is some fairly mild dissociation. Just kind of taking things as they come for now, rolling with things as best I can especially while so many things are kind of a bit up in the air and subject to change.

But I mean drama aside, the current diagnosis for me is pretty good. The cancer as it appears right now is treatable and has a pretty great cure rate. It's a "primary mediastinal large B-cell lymphoma" according to the leaflet I've got. It's high grade, so fast acting and aggressive but that actually makes these easier to get rid of than low grade slower working ones. It's hanging out next to my heart so that's the reason I've had all these bullshit symptoms in my chest cuz it's just been fuckin shit up in there and irritating its roommates. They've got me booked in for a pet scan day after tomorrow cuz the scanner was having issues so they couldn't get me in sooner, then the plan is to start chemotherapy the next day. Which will be an experience. The treatment plan we've basically already decided is 6 21-day cycles of chemo where I'll be in hospital for about 5 days getting monitored and adjusted treatment, then going home for the rest and coming back to start the cycle again. It's not going to be the most fun and easy experience of my life but tbh I've done hard things before and I know I'm capable of doing this. Not that this kind of thing can ever really come at a "good" time, but I think that personally I'm pretty lucky this came along at the point in my life it did. I've been able to spend the last couple years basically building myself back up from feeling entirely lost, shattered and directionless after a pretty traumatic attempt at university durring covid lockdowns. I'm maybe lacking in some life experience people my age tend to have, but ultimately I have confidence, strength and self-awareness now that I do not take for granted. Basically I got the chance to reinforce my foundations in unkowing preparation for this whole thing. Honestly, I'm kind of just curious who I'll be on the other side of this experience - wherever that may be.

My main concern has been my siblings. I'm the oldest of 3 and we're all very close, spend a lot of time together and are at the core of eachothers' support systems. One of them's got college stress and deadlines, the other's out of school with anxiety issues rn, and my instinct is to be there as a support. And of course they would be supporting me too, it's not all give, they're amazing at being there for me too especially while I've been unwell (I love them so so much and I'm proud of everything they do can you tell lol). But while they have been visiting when they can, we don't get so much time together rn with me being in hospital and I feel like it's hard to get a gauge on how things really are with eachother at the moment which is rough with there being so much change going on rn. I know we'll figure things out, but I can't help worrying about them a bit, I feel like it's kind of my job lol

Oof can you tell it's getting late and my brain's going sleepy ramble mode? Idk if I'm even making much sense but hey

The ward I've been moved to for this is good. It's a cancer ward for teens and young adults with a common room area funded by the teenage cancer trust. There's guitars, a ps4, craft supplies and free snacks. It feels so weird that like that space is for me to use, like I'm kinda tresspassing on something for people who need it more than I do. But the ward's fairly quiet and not so busy at the moment, so when my siblings and briefly my friend came to visit me today, we basically had free reign of the space without having to disturb anyone. I feel more comfortable in there than I did, and I think it's a good space for my siblings to be when they come visit. I'm really greatful they get to use it with me - even if I feel kind of like others deserve the space more (ik im being silly), seeing them get good use and some fun out of it today was good and reassuring. It's reassuring to hear people talking about there being support systems for siblings too should they need them. Especially when it feels like I can't look out for them so much in the ways I normally would.

But yeah, I think that's about all that's in my brain for right now. I'll look back on this tomorrow and realise none of this actually made any sense lol

But yeah basically got thrown a bit of a curveball lately as life tends to do, but there's answers now where there wasn't before, and the path ahead's starting to make itself visible. It sucks, but I've been worse. I'm not just saying that for the sake of offsetting the fact that it sucks, I'm just taking the the little wins where i can cuz I know that's gotten me through plenty rough and sucky times before.

Some little wins:

Woke up to magpies outside the window this morning. One came right up to the glass to say hi, but I couldn't snap a picture in time lol <3

My friend brought me a rainbow sensory slug companion, and I made a pipecleaner creature named Spigley while my siblings were here. They are friends and will be my chemo companions :)

(Idk if that's a mouth or a moustache but i think it suits him either way)

[spread-the-influence]

this will actually be long buckle up

for a while , i wasn't able to pinpoint what felt Missing in the way Most people write ragatha's dynamics with the other characters . even in non-romantic content i still feel like there's something missing .

and then one day i went I Got It !!!!!! it's because they lack Tension !!! :D that's a word i'll use to describe ragatha's dynamics with the other characters . it's Tense .

it's interesting because one might assume ( and i'll admit , i was Guilty of this ) that for the emotional distance ragatha puts between herself and others , there's still some element of a connection . like maybe she's close to gangle . but from what i've seen of the four episodes thus far , it looks like she has Tensions with everybody . not in a sense that there's a mutual dislike , but in a sense that ragatha's insincerity is distancing her from the cast .

let's take ragatha & kinger ! it's heavily implied that they have a long history . it's not exactly confirmed Yet if ragatha was even there during queenie's time , but she was Surprised that kinger remembered her first days , which implies they once had a close relationship that was distanced because of kinger's ... well , mental distance . furthermore , ragatha is Arguably at her most sincerest in that conversation with kinger . she's not talking about her feelings directly but you could get the hint , which is what lead kinger to say ' don't take it too personally ' . so , there's the tension ! they were once close , but now that faded away . sad !

this is the one dynamic where i would see the best non-romantic ragatha content . while kinganubis's ao3 fics on ragatha & caine are my absolute Favorites — mainly for how they're good at encompassing That tension i'm looking for — i always saw pretty good stuff for ragatha & kinger . even if they're always a gut punch !

ragatha & gangle . this one is interesting because i've always kind of sensed there's some kind of Tension between them ? in the second episode ; ragatha doesn't really stand up for gangle — at most , she'll just berate jax but she isn't like Consoling gangle . third episode ; while i know that gangle's in her tragedy mask , she doesn't really seem At Ease , even though her biggest bully is tied up ? fourth episode ; gangle admits that she's unsure of ragatha's sincerity , and there's that One comment . basically , these two's bond is Rocky at this moment .

i do not think that they hold Dislike for the other ! it's just that i feel like gangle has caught on to how performative ragatha is and that's where the Tension comes in . in episode four , she only briefly asks if gangle is okay and didn't even Wait for an answer or Help her up before berating jax . not demonizing ragatha here , i love her for her Flaws , she's just objectively not a good friend to gangle . this is headcanon territory , but i feel like ragatha acts more on what she Thinks gangle wants rather than what gangle Actually wants . zooble's the one who's actually consoling and helping gangle by offering the mask and talking to her at the end of the episode .

speaking of zooble , ragatha & zooble ! they may not have many canon interactions but as the bullshit connoisseur i still have a lot of thoughts on them . i don't think their level of tension goes to the levels that gangle has with ragatha , as they are on friendly terms , but considering their Personalities , i like to headcanon that there is a little bit of it . the vibe to their canon dynamic to me right now is just ' they only talk to each other because their mutual friend is gangle . ' they're the type of pair that'll have the most Awkward silences if you left them both alone in a room .

why do i think there's a little bit of tension ? well ... they're opposites ! like , literally . put the most grounded and outwardly blunt character together with the most dishonest and outwardly nice character , and you're going to get the tasty opposites attract babyyy . they also have differing philosophies on how to cope with the circus - with zooble just Rejecting all of the insanity and whimsy by denying to be in the adventures and doing their own thing , while ragatha assimilates by immersing herself in the adventures and putting up a positive facade . i feel there's a lot of potential for exploration here

oh boy . ragatha & jax . i will admit that i think about them the Least when it comes to ragatha's dynamics , but that's because there's already a lot of attention on the duo in the general fandom . i saw people bring up the red string of fate in that One merch photo and i just . nodded . yeah . they're connected . not in a shippy way , but in a Horror way . like . This is possibly the worst thing to ever happen to the Both of them ( but Especially for ragatha ) way . these two are a yin-yang . whether they like it or not .

i don't think i really need to explain how exactly their dynamic has tension because their dynamic is just capital t Tension . i do not think jax dislikes ragatha , in my eyes he finds her one of the most entertaining to mess with . like she's more of a favorite toy than a friend or enemy . meanwhile , ragatha Very much does not like jax but still makes efforts to get along with him . episode one , she goes along with his plan of going to kaufmo while the others deal with the adventure . episode two , she tried to reassure him by saying there Probably might be violence in the next adventure . and episode four , she lets him be the batter . ragatha does Not like jax but it's clear her want to be liked and please everyone extends to also pleasing jax .

what really gets me with ragatha & pomni is that it's the closest relationship ragatha has in the show thus far , and yet it's one that's the most one-sided . i'm not saying that there's no bond there at all , more that the foundation of their friendship is Nearly Non-existent .

okay , let's break this down . ragatha's been a Big part of pomni's character development . she's not the only one who made an impact on her , but she very much has helped pomni feel less alone by constantly reaching out and showing concern over her . she was friendly to her when she appeared , invited her to kaufmo's funeral , and the way she consistently showed concern over her . without ragatha , pomni would've Never recognized that there was a community in the circus . in fact , i feel like if ragatha didn't invite her to the funeral and have indirectly given her that epiphany , pomni would've Not gone past the second day

there's pomni thanking ragatha in episode three . and in episode four , there was that way she Turned Her Head at ragatha before saying goodbye to gummigoo , and how she Brought her up when she talked to gangle . she's fond of her by this point

so why am i saying it's one-sided ? well , because Ragatha Does Not Know Any Of This . the Character Development Moments pomni has are done when RAGATHA'S NOT WITH HER , or in the case of episode four , WHEN SHE'S HIGH . our impression of pomni is that she's compassionate and empathetic , that she's afraid of being alone , and she's helpful . ragatha's impression of pomni is that she left her for the exit door , came out after inexplicably disappearing to make a friend with an npc over Her , and thanked her for showing concern before turning around the next day to hang out with that same npc . the Tension , man

and as a tiny bonus , for a dynamic that's just Pure speculation , ragatha & caine ! so , caine's pretty bad at reading subtext , he takes everything literally . ragatha is possibly the Most dishonest out of the main cast , And she pleases everyone , even people whose opinions she shouldn't care about . the tension writes itself .

if you read this entire thing by this point — which is like , Wow thank you for reading this behemoth of a post — you might think that ragatha's separated from the cast . like , this shows that she's pretty Isolated . she doesn't exactly have Zero friends but it's not like these people know her deepest insecurities . so , is she beyond help ? ... absolutely not .

keep in mind that None of them hate her . for all of ragatha's flaws , she has an equal amount of redeeming traits . she's kind , selfless , and means well . shit may be rocky between her and gangle at the moment , but gangle has shown that she still cares about ragatha . zooble's friendly towards her and even got worried about her , and we've known that kinger cares in his own way . and jax ... well i feel he'll think things would be less entertaining if she isn't there to get angry at him . and pomni pretty much has only seen ragatha at her best thus far . they would ABSOLUTELY do anything for her

the only problem really is that ragatha's so deeply Insecure that she's people-pleasing all over the place and in turn , it pushes them away from her because she's being insincere . while i think her concern over everybody is real , she just never shows her genuine feelings . again , her most sincerest moment when she's not under the stupid sauce is a conversation where she's Very Indirectly telling her feelings

so yeah . ragatha wouldn't abstract ... fully . keep in mind that at this moment she probably does feel unloved - like , the ' i wish someone would flirt with me ' in episode four hints at that . i predict that all of the tension would accumulate until ragatha has The Breakdown™ and then she finds out that everyone does careee and she doesn't fucking die :DD

alright i'm done going to go eat mac n cheese bye

Your Toybox doodles and hcs just inspired me and made me write a 2/3 chapters long fic this is all your fault/silly

yes YES spread the toybox agenda YES

i would love to read it if it's done ! and that's totally not because there is literally no fan content of ragatha & zooble and i'm getting desperate at this point —

[fahatesyou]

Hybrid/FishMax Au Snippet

(Mature, some references to Fish biology, Maxiel)

Just a small snippet of my last work in process, maybe this won’t make the Final Cut and I will change it for something else but… it has been sitting on my drafts for so long I may just let it out for some feed back, let me know what you think!

“It’s your fault.” Max said, stepping out of his tight jeans on his way to the bathroom, mindlessly leaving a trail of dirty clothes behind him.

Daniel followed him, too dumbstruck to fight back Max’s accusations. His stomach was evidently bloated, like he had eaten too many slices of pizza in one sitting.

Brad had warned him briefly, just some cryptic words that now made so much more sense than a few hours ago.

At the time Brad’s words could had meant a lot of things; Daniel didn’t spect to find Max full of eggs.

“You just won’t stop touching it.” Max groaned, his pale skin almost shining under the bathroom’s lights. Daniel wanted him to turn around to see more, to get a better look. “That’s why it’s back.”

He dipped his toes to test the water briefly and let out an unpleased sound, sinking himself into the tub anyways.

“Sorry.” Daniel apologized, not really knowing why, just too busy glaring at Max’s soft belly hiding under the water.

Eggs. Max’s stomach full of eggs.

Stomach? Uterus?

Daniel didn’t fucking know.

He had been touching Max’s slit. The consequences of that had been a mystery to Daniel until now.

Of course he knew Max was a hybrid, everyone knew, for better or for worse, Max was one of the few hybrids on the grid, and had smugly silenced most critics since the day his debut was announced.

Max had completely shut down the doubts of those old school pricks about a water hybrid chances of winning a race that didn’t involved a pool.

Daniel had seen Max’s gills countless of times back when they were teammates, so the whole goldfish parts of Max weren’t exactly a revelation to Daniel once both their clothes had came completely off.

Jos had been a proud shark, there was nothing Jos liked talk about more than his depredator instincts and how unfair being a sea hybrid in F1 surrounded by mammals was for him.

It all stank of bullshit to Daniel, Jos complaints had sounded to Daniel’s ears like a bunch of lame excuses for his actual lack of talent.

It was always such a annoying thing to Daniel growing up; having to hear the rest of the hybrid kids and their families excuse themselves on their biology for their failures.

Daniel never wanted to be more than a human. He didn’t need no extra body parts to win a race.

And then there was Max.

Daniel never found Max ashamed of being an hybrid, but it was definitely the last thing Max ever wanted to talk about when it came to racing. That was mostly why he liked Max more than any other teammate he had before. Max didn’t treat Daniel like some poor clueless guy who was missing something. Max liked racing and Daniel liked Max.

It was all it matter.

Sex with Max was a little bit more complex.

Daniel liked to think of himself as someone open minded, nowhere close to a prude. He had fucked men before Max came along, and even some memorable hybrid girl in Brazil whose tail rapped around Daniel’s cock while he was eating her out. He enjoyed it very much, just like the rest of the stuff he did in bed with his partners. Daniel had been around enough to not be surprised anymore, and a tail or a pair of furry ears weren’t the end of the world.

He wasn’t fucking ready for Max’s pussy.

Slit.

That was what Max called it.

So. Max’s slit.

They spent the first weeks of their relationship dry humping and jerking each other off, maybe Max’s lack of balls should had been an initial warning, but hybrids were so complicated creatures Daniel just didn’t pay it no mind.

At first, Max refused to let Daniel touch him anywhere near his soft opening.

So it took a couple of secretive glances and some personal research for Daniel to figure out Max had been lying to him all time long.

Max had told him his slit was nothing but a mating body part, that it didn’t really do anything more than lay eggs each time his estrus came along.

It was bullshit. Or so did the Internet claim.

But Daniel didn’t want to push, and he wasn’t raised to be an asshole. Max had his boundaries, his things he didn’t like and things he loved.

It was just the wet sound of the lips hiding between Max’s legs as he squirmed on the bed from Daniel sucking his dick what was enough to break the self control of even the most honorable of men.

Daniel hasn’t in fact stop touching Max’s slit since.

The first time he fucked Max was like discovering sex all over again.

He was hot and warm in some indescribable ways that couldn’t be compared to the women Daniel had slept with. The brain melting tightness of his slit became Daniel’s kryptonite.

They had spent all off season finding out how many ways there were for Max to come on Daniel’s cock. It had took some hard earned swaying but when Max had finally agreed and parted his legs to let Daniel inside his precious untouched entrance, there was no coming back.

So now Max’s mating cycle had came back.

And apparently, Daniel’s dick was pretty much to blame.

[absolutepokemontrash]

I come bearing a request! The Brothers with an MC who's really good at cooking and baking? Like, the stuff food blogs dream of. Master-level instagram pastries. Could compete with the chocolate guy if they put their mind to it.

👀 ooooo, I do love me some pastries-

(I know you have an *ahem* distaste for Lucifer, dear moot, so enjoy Lucifer acting like a bit of a dingus in his section!)

Lucifer

Oh, the human can cook. *insert asshole eyeroll here*. Great. Wonderful. Groundbreaking. That’s what’s got all his brothers acting like- what was that word Levi used? Simps? This human has turned six of the seven rulers of hell into a bunch of simps.

Sure, the human has near godlike cooking prowess. Sure, everyone looks forward to their day for cooking. And sure, everyone thinks the human’s pretty great.

Tsk, not him though. He’s a refined demon. Some silly food isn’t going to make him a lovesick fool… did he smell eclairs..?

Lucifer peered into the kitchen to see MC carefully taking a tray of eclairs out of the oven and letting them cool off on the counter. His favourite dessert… right there in front of him…

Due to not being a total moron, MC notices Lucifer and asks him what the hell he’s doing just standing ominously in the doorway. Lucifer makes up some bullshit excuse about reminding MC to do their homework and just leaves. Okay, game plan, he needs those fucking eclairs or he will spontaneously combust.

As he snuck into the kitchen that night, Lucifer took a moment to briefly wonder why he was creeping around his own house. He was the Avatar of Pride for pity’s sake! He could eat whatever he damn well pleased! Oh shit was someone coming- no? Okay, back to sneaking.

Lucifer crept into the kitchen, saw the eclairs, and all logic was thrown out the window. Time to eat!

“BEEL NO! NOT THE- Lucifer..?” “…” “…” “…you’re very talented, MC, do you mind making more of these?”

SOMEONE SNAP A PICTURE! THIS IS THE CLOSEST LUCIFER HAS GOTTEN TO BEGGING IN THE LAST THOUSAND YEARS!

Mammon

Ugh, stuck babysittin’ some dumb human, how lame…

As Mammon was throwing a “I’m broke and I’m stuck in a pact with a dumb human” pity party, the most heavenly smell entered his nostrils. Cooking… good cooking… was Barbatos visiting or somethin’? Nah, Lucifer woulda made a big fuss about gettin’ ready for Lord Diavolo. Huh, so what was goin’ on in the kitchen?

Huh? The human? The human can cook? Well damn, maybe this whole deal wouldn’t be so bad. Oi! MC! As payment for babysittin’ ‘em, he got to have an extra big share of- OW!

Did- did the human just hit him with a spoon?! Th-they can’t do that!

Apparently they fucking can. Mammon gets told to sit the fuck down and wait for the food like everyone else. He grumbles on the way to the dining room, but he can’t fully hide his excitement to try the food.

The food even looked pretty! How did they do that?! Magic. It had to be!

After everyone’s tastebuds were blessed with the heavenly substance that is MC’s culinary exploits, Mammon decides he needs to get on this human’s good side in order to receive more food! Maybe even find some way to make a profit or somethin’!

After weeks go by of trying to suck up to the human without looking like too much of a chump, Mammon eventually realizes… hey, this human ain’t so bad. They’re nice, they make him feel good about himself, they give him headpats… he’s really hit the jackpot here!

He’ll offer to help MC bake or cook, but beware, he will try and sample the food before it’s done. Don’t let him lick the spoon!!!

Leviathan

First thought? This human ain’t shit. Thought after seeing their food? WOAAAAAAAH! JUST LIKE THAT ONE ANIME-

He was unceremoniously cut off by Beel asking demanding seconds. Humph, fine, he doesn’t actually care about this dumb normie food anyway.

…well at least until Levi saw a little something something on TV that he just had to ask MC to try and make. He shyly knocked on their door and when they answered, Levi shoved the screenshot in their face and stuttered out a dinner request.

On the day MC was supposed to make dinner, Levi poked his head into the kitchen and tried to make it look like he was just standing in the same room as MC and not checking to see if they were making his dinner request.

Not that he’d blame them for not doing that… who’d wanna make some anime dinner for a yucky Otaku- OMG JAHSHSHABA THEY’RE MAKING IT! *fangirl squeals*

As Levi continues to commit the SIN of being in the kitchen at the same time as someone else, MC eventually just asks him if he’d like to help out.

“Here! Just keep turning the takoyaki.” “R-really? You trust me?” “Yes, Levi. You watched how they made it on your show, right?” “Yes! I won’t mess up! I swear on my honour as an otaku!”

All in all, it was a very cute bonding experience for the two. Now it’s a regular thing. Levi requests something for dinner or dessert, MC makes it, Levi helps out.

Satan

So, the human can cook. That’s nice. At least someone in this literally god forsaken house can.

He makes sure to thank MC every time they cook, then he makes sure to thank whatever deity is watching over him that Solomon wasn’t the human staying with them.

As the months progress, Satan realizes, he should learn how to cook better. I mean, Levi and Mammon were somehow both improving in their cooking endeavours, and if MC could teach those two, then he would be a breeze.

Satan walked into the kitchen and simply asked if MC needed any assistance with what they were doing. MC just slid him some garlic to dice and that’s how this mentor/student relationship was formed.

Satan was a star pupil, but Mammon and Levi weren’t above trying to sabotage Satan’s progress to get him to leave.

Here’s the thing, the sabotage worked, but it only worked once, and the two idiots didn’t stop to think that maybe they shouldn’t sabotage the meal they were going to have to eat later.

Well, cooking lessons continued uninterrupted after the ghost pepper incident…

Even when he’s ‘graduated’ their little cooking class, Satan’s always willing to lend a hand if needed. He also will slyly hand over some recipe books and cute baking supplies that he finds. MC should be prepared for lots of cat related things to come their way.

Asmodeus

The human can cook? Oh frabcious day! He’s saved from a life of his brother’s mediocre cooking! And the human’s so cute too! What a bonus!

Not only is the human cute, but their food is just so… aesthetic??? Pretty???? Omigosh he just has to get a picture for Devilgram!

For the first few months, MC’s relationship with Asmo consists of Asmo not at all subtly asking to take pictures of their food and post it to his Devilgram. Listen MC, his followers would just love it!

Being the saint-sheep they are, MC lets Asmo sit in whenever they’re making anything in the kitchen. And Asmo slowly realizes “hey, this cute human with the awesome food is actually pretty cool too!”

New Mission: Make the human fall madly in love with him so they’ll want to hang out more.

Whether the mission succeeds is up to MC of course. (I mean, I’m already smitten with him sooooooooo-)

MC offers Asmo a lot of the pastries they make, but the Avatar of Lust almost always declines. Listen honey, he’s on a diet- wait, don’t make that sad face! He’ll eat it! Look! It’s- it’s delicious…

Diet cheat day is now every day MC makes dessert. The feeling of bliss Asmo gets when he takes a bite out of anything MC makes is only second of the treats is second only to the joy he feels at seeing MC happy that he likes their food. It’s just so wholesome I can’t-

MC’s food Devilgram has almost surpassed Asmo in terms of followers and honestly- he isn’t even mad.

Beelzebub

Gasp! Lucifer finally got him the pet personal chef he’d always wanted! Thanks big bro! :D he’ll be sure not to eat this human!

On the first night MC was supposed to make dinner, Lucifer needed to hold Beel back from breaking into the kitchen to see what was causing that heavenly smell. It was, difficult… especially because Lucifer hadn’t slept in three days.

When they all sat down to eat, Beel practically inhaled everything and held up his half bitten plate for seconds.

We here at Stupid Headcanons incorporated recommend that MC have as many bodyguards as possible stationed around the kitchen at all times to ward off a hungry Beel. We don’t want him eating the ingredients and half-tempered chocolate.

A cinnamon roll through and through, he’ll eat everything MC gives him with a big ol’ smile on his cute little face. He’s not the best person to go to if MC wants advice or critique because the best thing Beel can usually muster is “it was really good.”

As Luke said in Lesson 5, Beel would make an awful food reporter. But we love him.

Similar to Levi, he’ll give meal requests on what to make for dinner. (At this rate, MC’s going to have to make some kind of list).

He kind of just waits by the door like a sad puppy whenever MC is making anything because he can’t get into the kitchen :(

Belphegor

The smell of freshly made chocolate chip cookies wafting through the house did reach the attic and it only fuelled his rage more. How dare the human win everyone over with cookies?!

After the attic incident, Belphie was won over with cookies.

Belphie just stands creepily in the kitchen doorway whenever MC is making anything and just makes shit really uncomfortable. Why’s he doing that, you may be wondering, well, he’s trying to calculate the energy needed to swipe the bowl of cookie dough and sprint to safety.

He never succeeds, mainly because once he gets to the bowl, MC already has the wooden spoon ready to smack him, so he just freezes mid-theft and slowly puts the bowl down.

“Oh my gosh, it says let the bread dough rest overnight? Let’s get a headstart and go to sleep now.” “Belphie what-” “I made a pillow Fort, come in. Let’s sleep.” “In the kitchen????”

How’d he make the pillow Fort without MC noticing? Years of experience. He’s trained in the art of- MC? What do you mean you can’t sleep right now and you need to get a head start on shaping fondant?

…he may have eaten the fondant while MC wasn’t looking… whoops… Beel may have rubbed off on him a little…

[angstfactory]

As the female before him visibly shrank in some, like all the emotions just fizzled out of her, Jesse kept his eyes on her even as she did her best to study anything but him in return. After all of that, he wasn't sure he would ever be able to see her as this hard shell of a person again-- which, actually, may be a good thing. Because it served a good reminder to the man that not everyone was like him. They all handled their response traumas differently, they all carried it ways that best suited for them to get through their days. Her bad days were different to his bad days. It was only too easy to brush aside if Kara would be hurt by all of this, to think she could tolerate or stomach it, simply because she was so tough on the outside.

Clearly, she wasn't as stony and unaffected as she came off. Or maybe Jesse hadn't been paying as good attention to her. Whatever the reason, his perception of her had changed. Sure, she was still this no-nonsense detective badass who wouldn't take anyone's shit -- obviously -- but inside, she was just as much an emotional wreck as the rest of them. She was able to hide it better. He only hoped that all the stupid things that had come flying out of his mouth, hadn't caused irreparable damage. Every interaction with someone... It all left some imprint, at least it did for him.

There was more there, though. Jesse wasn't going to refute her claims that she cared about him anymore, no. That was plain as day now, Kara considered him friend and took time out her schedule to bother to make sure he was still alive. But Jesse didn't for one second, believe that all of that upset she just spewed back at him, was all for him or over him. That was... who knew how long of bottled up emotional damage this woman had taken on, before his bullshit just finally tipped the scales and caused some to dump out.

"I wouldn't feel sorry now if I didn't," Jesse spoke up, because it was just the damned truth of the matter. "I'm backwards." He backed up a step or two, until his bottom found purchase on the edge of a carcass of fridge pushed onto its side. His hands came to brace on either side of him, curling around its edges. "I do care," Jesse said quietly, shrugging. "I care," he stressed, "I care too much." About all of them, really. That was the fucking problem. He never wanted to be in this position, where he cared. It derailed everything and left him vulnerable, too. "I just.. I don't feel good enough to be your friend, I've got nothin' to fuckin' bring to the table except --" His arms spread wide briefly, as he looked down at himself then back up at her, and the junkyard they stood in. "How do I prove it?" Jesse asked then, at a loss. "What do you want me to say?"

He admitted she was right. He apologized for everything that came out of his mouth. He regretted all of it. He even info dumped some things Jesse normally didn't tell anyone, about why he was the way he was. "C'mon, Kara," Jesse groaned, "I'm already over here with my ass hangin' out."

She deflated once she'd finished speaking with one long exhaled breath. She wasn't even sure at this point that any of it had made any sense at all, she'd just let it all come out at once guided by her emotion. And then she just stood there, staring at him, as he seemed to have nothing much to say in response. And when he finally did speak up, it didn't really give her anything to respond to. Just agreements and pleasantries to try and smooth over the hurt he'd caused. Things about how he'd been hurt in the past, so clearly everyone in the world was out to get him.

Kara rubbed the back of her hand across her eyes, looking away from Jesse towards his beat up truck, the mounds of junk that was piled up in the distance, anything other than him. Her arms folded over chest, finally looking to him again with a blank expression. She didn't know what to say, really. Because she didn't owe him shit. He was right about that. And if caring about him was just going to end up with him lashing out at her for no good reason again...well. He'd spent his last straw.

"Why do you care what I think or do?" she said finally. "You made it real clear we aren't friends. You sure don't act like you care about me." He said a whole lot of things that didn't even seem to indicate he liked her as a person. So why in the world did he even want a mulligan? Maybe he didn't even know what caring about another person even meant.