#and maybe I just need to stop being lazy like my dad always used to say

[disabilitea-cup]

Am I making my symptoms worse by being lazy, or am I resting more because my symptoms are getting worse? I wish I knew, because it's killing me trying to figure out if all of this is my fault or not. Maybe I really would feel better if I were more active, got a job, and did more cleaning. But the idea of all of that sounds so daunting, because I just know I'm going to hurt if I do that. But what if it gets worse before it gets better? What if I find myself feeling okay for once if I keep all of that up for a few weeks? Maybe I just need to rebuild my strength and stamina, and I'll be fine. I just don't know.

[sensitivegoblin]

Vent

Tw: sewerslide and SH

[jolalibrary]

18. calming peach

frankie morales x f!reader | chapter eighteen of do me yourself

summary: a meet-cute in a hardware store? impossible, out of the question. except, that's exactly what happens. a need for screws leads you to a broad-shouldered, brown-eyed man who you're sure is about to change your day, never mind your life.

wordcount: 4.2k chapter warnings: dad!frankie. frankie calls you 'rainy' (paint-related from chp.1) no other descriptions or name used. no use of y/n. flirting. too idiots who clearly want to have a future together. an: we're so close to the end and i'm crying.

prev chapter | series masterlist

read on ao3

key: frankie is in bold, you are in italics

You’d never consider setting an alarm an hour early for anyone else, silencing it with a groan and stretch, leg bending out like a lazy, sleepy starfish until it meets him.

He who is waiting, palm sliding over your thigh, up to your waist, gently tickling your stomach until you wiggle. Frankie’s breath grazes your neck as he sighs, pressing each syllable to your skin, Morning.

Sometimes when you wake next to him, you stretch out and he comes to your side; others you fold over onto his, and occasionally you meet in the middle, leg between his, rousing to the sounds of neighbours, heartbeats, birds, or silence.

But like clockwork, always after a moment, your lips meet his in a tender kiss, soft and layered with a smile before growing needier, the only time his movements aren't slick and coordinated.

“Shower?”

He hums against your mouth, tracing the band of your sleep shorts.

Soon enough, the hour is stolen by cuddles and whispers before a shared shower washes away lingering sleep. Hisses blend with steam until you're both towelling off and slipping into clothes.

“Do you think you’ll be gone all day?” you ask, pouring fruit into your yogurt, handing him the bowl as he sips his coffee.

“Not sure—could be. You’re staying here, right?” You nod and grin, chewing a piece of fruit. “Good. I like knowing I’m coming home to you.”

His words spread warmth through you, a blaze of happiness. You stare at him for a moment before asking, “Is that so?”

Placing his elbow on the table, he traces his jaw as he stares. “Yeah. That okay?”

Shrugging, fighting a smirk. “Not the worst thing I’ve been told.”

“What you working on today? ” he says, pinching a piece from your bowl—ignoring the chopped-up, untouched yoghurt ones left for him. “Still those graphics?”

Nodding, you motion to stab him with your fork when he tries again. “Get your own, Morales. Stop wanting mine.”

“Can never stop wanting you.”

Narrowing your eyes, you watch him grab a piece from the free bowl, smirking as he chews.

“I made you a lunch, by the way.”

Chewing and smirking, he drags his tongue across his bottom lip. “Like a lunch lunch or—?”

“A lunch in a brown bag—with maybe a love note in there.”

His tongue pokes his cheek as he smirks. “Yeah?”

You nod, pointing at the fridge. He moves quickly, opening the brown bag, rustling through it before pausing and turning fully.

“You made me lunch.”

“I did.”

You might have ruined me for lunches from now on.

Ah, this is why I didn’t make you them before—wanted you to fall in love with me for me, and not my excellent packed lunch. You hating what you have today?

It’s not hitting the spot.

Did you make it yourself or grab it on the way?

Grabbed it?

Well, there’s why. It isn’t made with love.

I did like the fact I got a note in mine the other day.

Special treatment. Hope you didn’t throw it away.

Don’t laugh, but it’s in my wallet.

Aw Butterscotch, you loveeeee me.

If you make Luca a packed lunch, I think he’ll make you stay forever.

Well, I’m not going anywhere. If that’s okay?

I meant living with us, but good to know that we’re on the same boat about being a forever kind of thing.

I don’t make lunches for just anyone.

Because of the risk of them falling in love with you?

It’s a blessing and a curse, Morales.

Placing the platter down, a breeze blows the tablecloth on the newly painted and restored garden furniture Frankie had surprised you with.

The temperature warm, birds chirping as you check and recheck the various paint shades ready on the paper plates—the canvas’ already set up on their stands as he waits, resting his chin on his palm.

“Ready?”

Scrunching your nose, you sigh. “I think so?”

“What if I can’t paint you how I see you?”

Kissing the top of his head, feeling his head tilt up as you press another to his forehead, to his nose. “Oh, I’ll cry if I look like a monster.”

His laugh ripples out as you press your mouth to his, feeling one of his hands skate around your middle, squeezing.

A scroll on your phone one night had led the two of you to purchase a vase from Harold’s small homeware section, filling it with a bunch of different date ideas. Some cheap, at home, some further afield that required more planning.

Last week’s had been backyard camping. The tent had been big enough for all three of you, fairy lights strung on the inside as Luca’s s’mores (an insistence on them from both you and him) had accompanied well with Frankie’s reading of Luca’s ghost story. Which was basically one of his books with a ghost on the cover.

Today’s, on a rare free day off, had you both back outside and ready to paint. Thirty minutes on Frankie’s phone, a set of paint shades that would definitely make it difficult to capture the beauty of his eyes and an array of nibbles that smelt too good to keep avoiding.

As you sit, both grabbing a brush in hand, you glance over at him and nod as he begins the timer, his focus already deep on his canvas. He looks up, catching your eye and offering a smile that’s familiar, all but warm.

“You know,” he says, dipping his brush into a bright blue, “this might be my favourite date yet.”

You grin, feeling a warmth spread through you that has nothing to do with the sun. “Because you’re getting to paint something other than a dinosaur?”

He nods, eyes twinkling. “I do paint a good dinosaur.”

“You do. Very talented.”

Laughter continues as you begin with his outline, the conversation flowing as you try to capture his nose, his smile—the crinkle of his eyes. By the time the alarm goes off, you're almost happy. Dropping your paintbrush, hands up as you admire for a moment before picking yours up to show him.

“You’re going to be blown away.”

“I’m ready, baby.”

Turning yours first, his brows raise, leaning forward, slightly squinting. “I'm getting the idea that you like my nose...”

Smirking, slowly lowering yours back to the stand. “Oh, I like your nose, Butterscotch.”

Laughing, he then turns his and what you see takes your breath away. His painting of you, beautiful but also absolutely hilarious, has your smile cutting up into your cheek, teeth showing before a laugh rumbles out. It high-pitched, scratching your throat as it forces it out—tears pricking at your eyes, as he slowly lowers it.

“See? I told you I couldn’t paint you how I see you.”

You laugh, blinking back tears, heart full. “Frankie, you drew me as a dinosaur.”

He cracks then, mirroring you, laughing. “I wouldn’t run from you.”

Shaking your head, wiping another tear from your eye you snort. “I’d trample on you.”

“I’d let you.”

Wanted you to know that a certain person is wondering if he can watch cartoons and eat ice cubes with you. Aw, how’s the little man feeling? He’s still got a temp, but it’s less than yesterday and he’s managing to keep toast down. I’ve rang Harold already, thought he might have been okay today but. Does Harold need help?

You don’t even think, question.

The offer had been on your tongue on the day Frankie had called from the car to tell you he needed to pick Luca up. Explanation interspersed with hissing at traffic and grumbling, as you conjured the image of him tugging on his hair as he hurried his way to the school.

Frankie had said it would be fine when you’d offered before—it’ll be one day, that’s it. Now it was day three, and medication from the family medicine doctor as Luca battled an ear infection that had him not even wanting to talk dinosaurs.

There’s a delivery, but he says he’ll call his nephew.

Dialling his contact and pressing the phone to your ear, you drain the last parts of your coffee, tidying away the opened letters on your countertop as it rings, and rings, and—

“Call him and tell him I’m on my way.”

Frankie laughs, mumbling a hello as you hear him clanging a pan and something else. “You don’t have to do that.”

“I know, but I haven’t got much on—and even if I just accept it for him, let him tell me where he wants it, then it’s sorted.”

“You sure? This… you don’t have to do this.”

Laughing, grabbing a t-shirt from your drawer, before pulling out a pair of older jeans. “You kidding me right? I get to hang out with Harry—hear his puns first-hand? I’m more excited than he’ll be.”

“Rainy…”

Your mouth opens, letting out a heavy exhale before you stare at yourself in the mirror. Seeing the smile on your face from his words, finding yourself unable to tear yourself away from it for once. Liking it, the look of joy on your face, the one he etches just from his voice.

“Rainy?”

“It’ll be good for me—think I need to get out of the office, my house.”

There’s a silence, just for a moment. “You okay?”

Muttering an uh-huh back to him as you place him on loudspeaker, dragging the t-shirt over your head before he says your name.

“Just another rough day with a person who is using me as a punching bag. Woke up to an email, but… it’s fine, it’s really fine.”

“I hate that you keep having them.”

“Yeah,” you sigh. “Me too. I feel like I brave it up and get rid of one and two grow in its place.”

Frankie exhales, his breath sliding down the phone, “Can I do anything?”

“Well, if you don’t mind me being fake Frankie, I’d love to go help Harold out—it’ll be good for me. Feel like… I’m good at something.”

“Rainy.”

“I know,” you say, finger-tracing a pattern on your bedsheets, “I know. But… just how I feel.”

“You’re good at lots of things.”

“Like?”

He snorts, loudly. “Making me laugh.”

“You laughed at a meme for ten minutes the other day about a dog’s tongue poking out.”

“It was hilarious.”

Sitting yourself down, back lying on your made bed, you run a hand down your face. “I’m just a little tired, I think. Usually, it wouldn’t bother me this much.” Frankie makes a noise in agreement, the back of your wrist resting on your forehead. “Truthfully, I want to see if Harold would be impressed by my puns.”

Frankie laughs, more clanging heard under it. “I’ll call him—but only if you promise to let me order you food for when you’re done.”

“Oh. Not worried I’ll get whatever Luca has?”

He snorts, and you can imagine the roll of his eyes even down the phone. “Unless you think you can catch an ear infection, I think you’ll be good.”

Smiling, slowly pulling yourself up to a sitting position, a pang of worry knocks through you—threatens to shake things. “Harold won’t mind, will he… I know you said he runs things differently.”

“I think he’s been wanting to replace me with you since you wandered in that day—he’ll be hoping it becomes permanent.”

Are you doing okay?

Yeah! It’s been fine, most are on palettes. Did spot a large order of butterscotch paint—that for you?

Haha, no. It’s actually been picking up in popularity.

It’s you modelling it on your page.

Shh, no it isn’t.

Baby, I love you—but I saw your latest video. From when you helped Benny, if I wasn’t already getting the chance to be in the sheets with you, I’d be thinking it.

It wasn’t that hot.

You really, really grossly misunderstand how hot you are, Francisco. Your arms for one.

You’re making me blush.

How the turn tables turn. Me, in your apron, you at home being flirted with.

Now I’m picturing you in my apron.

Yeah?

Don’t tell me what’s under it, let me fantasise.

Should I bring it to yours later?

Yeah. Yeah, do that.

There’s something about the noise of fight night.

It is both thrilling and anxiety-inducing as Frankie leads you in, his palm firmly on your back, guiding and easing you in. You reach a hand back to touch his wrist, a comforting ritual you’ve developed since that first time.

Your eyes scan and search for the others, a routine that brings a sense of normalcy to these events. Feet slowing, almost coming to a stop as you see Will wave, drink in hand, pointing at it as you nod back to Frankie and guide him through the growing crowd.

The music is louder tonight, the air tinged with more restlessness as you move, slide, and push your way through until you reach the rope.

“VIP, are we?” you call out, wrapping your arm around Will’s neck in a hug.

“Only the best.”

You step aside as the rope is reattached, letting Frankie and Will greet each other while you wave at the others. Out of the corner of your eye, you see all the slaps on the back, Frankie’s fingers cupping the back of his friend's head as he grins, nods, and talks right into his ear.

Then, there’s an arm around your middle, a familiar warm breath on your ear. “You good, baby?”

“I am.”

His lips press a tender kiss to the side of your head before you follow Will to sit down. As you settle in, you listen to Will telling Frankie that Benny is in the back and how he’s really stepped up over the last few days. You find yourself distracted, your tongue chasing the straw in your drink, until the conversation turns to yoga. Will mentions that you think it’s been quite good for Benny to shut off, and you give Frankie a look, mouthing, ‘Told you,’ to your boyfriend.

“Hey, I’ve been meaning to ask,” Will says suddenly, shouting over the music. “How did it go showing him the—”

Involuntary, your elbow slams into his side mid-sip. Your eyes widen as it forces a cough to smother the other words, staring boldly, almost coldly, right into Will’s face.

“I haven’t had a chance to show Benny the video,” you say, curtly, sharply. “It was very bright in the helicopter.”

You hope the lie is good enough, solid enough. You also hope Will picks up on it. Notice the distress in your eyes as Frankie, who is hanging onto your side and you can feel is darting his eyes from you to his friend and back again.

It takes a second, eyes narrowing, your stomach knotting as you fear the surprise you’ve been planning for Frankie is about to unravel.

“Ah, alright. Well, it would be good to see when it’s ready.”

Nodding, you lean into Frankie’s side, watching his eyes smooth out, relief washing over you as the tension dissipates. “Hey, so how does this night go? Is he the main fight?”

Shaking his head, Frankie adjusts his hold on his drink as he slings his arm around your neck, beginning to explain things as you shoot a smile at Will, managing to catch, quickly, the mouthed apology as you wink and let Frankie explain what tonight is for.

Your phone vibrates on the side, glancing at it as you help Luca roll out a small pizza circle from the dough you made last night.

“Rainy, can you helps me with my hat?”

Fingers adjusting his chef hat further down his head, a thing you hadn’t been sure if he would like until you saw his face light up when you pulled it out with its matching apron.

We should be done in about half an hour. And then I can come inside? You will be greeted at the side door by our mini-waiter who will be happy to show you to your seat. You breaking child working laws, Rainy? He had a work permit I swear.

Stepping back from him, you turn the oven on as you mentally tick off another thing, before scanning over the recipe that you have printed out.

It’s splattered in the sauce you’ve already made—and slightly damp from grabbing Luca's water earlier.

I think you’re lying. I think you grossly misunderstand how seriously we take things at Dino-Moralesaurus Diner. Excellent name though. I can’t take all the credit, your son is a genius.

At the sound of a knock, you help Luca down from the cooking stool Frankie had made him as he runs off excitedly screaming. It’s even harder not to grin at the sound of his boots coming off, as he comments nice hat, chef to Luca as you continue rolling out the dough.

You’re aware you’re covered in flour, that the side is a mess of sauce stains and random half-chopped ingredients.

“What’s this?”

Luca, now hatless, fulfils his duty as a waiter, offering the chalkboard to him as he explains, in the most adorable voice, that the special is pizza, the main is pizza and the dessert is—

“Rainy, what’s the dessert again?”

“Ice cream.”

“’Tis ice cream, Daddy.”

Lifting your head from chopping toppings, you catch his eye and exchange a knowing smile before Luca leads him to the already set table, clinking plates and silverware as he clambers up onto the chair to pour him a glass of lake water.

“Now, tell me, are the pizzas dino shaped?”

“Hmm, lets me ask the chefs. Chef Rainy?”

“Yes, Waiter Luca-saurus.”

You can’t fight the smile that spreads as you announce that unfortunately, tonight's dishes won’t even be fully round, never mind dinosaur-shaped.

By the time you’ve rolled out the dough and just about to begin spreading tomato sauce, Luca decides that there needs to be more dinos on the table. Freeing Frankie from sitting at the table and allowing him to join you.

“Chef Rainy, would you like some help with the toppings?"

“Only because you’re nice to look at,” you say, watching him roll up his sleeves as he moves to stand beside you.

You hand him a spatula for the sauce while you sprinkle cheese. Frankie insists on creating a ‘masterpiece’ with a mix of all the toppings, while you opt for a simpler choice, sprinkling it with fresh basil and tomatoes.

“By the way, Luca’s is store-bought. Thought poisoning your child would be hard for me to live down.”

Together, you lean against the counter as Luca runs back in, little feet slapping against the tiles as more dinosaurs begin filling up the table. Frankie goes into dad mode as he asks if he’s washed his hands before he’s running off again.

It’s barely a few minutes, but the timer goes off. Springing into action, removing Luca’s pizza from the oven—seeing the cheese golden, bubbling, filling the kitchen with a rich, cheesy aroma before you place it down and throw both yours and Frankie’s in.

You call out to Luca, who’s been eagerly waiting in the living room. “Luca-saurus! Your pizza’s ready!”

Luca comes running in, eyes wide with excitement as he climbs onto his chair at the table and you slice it up into smaller pieces and place it down.

“Mmm, this is so good!” he exclaims, his cheeks puffed out like a little chipmunk.

As Luca continues to enjoy his pizza, you and Frankie take a moment to savour the anticipation of your own creations baking in the oven. The timer goes off again, and you carefully remove the pizzas, setting them down on the counter.

“They look amazing,” Frankie says, admiring the crispy edges and perfectly melted cheese.

Taking your first bite, you’re hit with a burst of flavour, the freshness of the basil and the tang of the tomato sauce mingling perfectly with the gooey mozzarella. You share a look with Frankie, who gives you a thumbs-up, his mouth too full to speak.

“How did you like your homemade pizza?” you ask Luca, smiling at his enthusiastic nodding.

“It’s the best pizza ever!” he declares, reaching for another slice.

Frankie leans over, giving you a quick kiss on the cheek. “You’ve outdone yourself,” he says softly.

You squeeze his hand, before moving to the sink to begin soaking them—just as Luca drags Frankie to pick the second part of the evening.

By the time you’re joining them, finding your saved spot in between them both, the movie is ready to begin, the opening credits starting before you’ve even got under the blanket. It’s minutes before you feel Frankie’s fingers sliding up and down your shoulder, your head turning, smiling as Luca sighs loudly next to you, eyes still closed, sinking deeper into a heavier sleep.

“You had a nice evening, Butterscotch?”

“Was perfect.”

“Thank you. For letting me do this—let us do this for you.” Shrugging, his free hand stroking over his face. “I’m proud of you. Six years is… monstrous.”

Snorting, resting his head on the back of the sofa, he grins a little wider. “Can tell the pair of you have had the afternoon together—monstrous.”

“He says it better.”

Nodding, Frankie shifts in his place, hand pausing on your shoulder, before squeezing it. “T-thank you. For tonight. For making a big deal but… not making a big deal.”

“Big deal not big deals are kind of my forte.”

Laughing, his thumb and index tracing over his lower lip, as you flick your eyes back to the brightness on the television—the high-pitched voices of the characters making you giggle, as the cartoon scene plays out.

“Wish we could do this all the time,” you whisper, fingers stroking along Luca’s hair—feeling him nuzzle further in the space between your calves and bent knees.

Frankie doesn’t move, or shift, but rather drags his fingers up and draws a different shape on your neck, forcing your eyes to move from the screen to his. And you see it, nestled there—a question, one his mouth opens to speak.

“What?” you ask.

“We could… do this all the time.”

Brows raising, you smile. “Oh? How would we do that?”

“Rainy.”

“Francisco.”

Snorting, continuing his drawing on your arm, he lets out a weighted exhale. “We could… maybe live in one place?”

“Oh?”

His hand slides over your shoulder, squeezing it as your heart races as he takes a breath, as more of his words hang in the air. It isn’t that you haven’t thought about it—that it hasn’t come up casually, a promise of asking you properly previously teased—but now it’s here, there, present.

Things crash into you as you run through the list. The image of waking up with him every morning, is slighted by the worries that he��d grow sick of you if you didn’t have your separate spaces. Would you disappoint him? Would he like the version of you he sees all the time—and not just part of it—

But, even still, the answer is so clearly there, sitting, teetering on the tip of your tongue as you begin to grin, smile. Almost about to answer when Luca mumbles in his sleep beside you, something incoherent before his eyes flip open and he makes a funny noise.

Frankie shifts, hand dropping from you as he calls out his name.

“I… Daddy, I don’t feel very well.”

“Shit,” you whisper as you throw your legs down from the sofa as Frankie moves to kneel at the same time as he whispers, “Mierda.”

The back of his hand presses to the boy’s forehead as Luca begins rubbing his stomach. “You feel sick?”

Luca nods, rubbing his eyes as Frankie helps lift him from his place between the sofa and your legs and makes him stand up.

“You think Daddy was right about all those sprinkles?”

Nodding again, Luca buries his head into Frankie’s neck and chest, little hands sliding around as Frankie looks at you and smiles, reassuringly. “He’ll be fine. But, I’m gonna put him in bed—do not press play without me, Rainy.”

Grinning, your lashes flutter as he lifts his son and stands. “Wouldn’t dream of it, Morales.”

“And, maybe we can finish the conversation too.”

Okay, you whisper—fingers pinching at the skin on the back of your arms as your brain begins to tally, to list, to think.

NEXT CHAPTER ->

an: have you seen the bonus graphics on the masterlist? if you have any moments you'd love to see from the series till now, let me know and i'll make them for after the epilogue (chapter 20)

[theriverpointace]

i have this h2g2 headcanon that i'm really rather fond of. im gonna talk about it.

okay so first of all, ford has to be able to speak english. which means that he learned how to speak english. and no, i refuse to believe that betelgeusian Just So Happens to work exactly like english, wow what a weird and useful coincidence! because (a) that's just lazy worldbuilding, and (b) we have at least one word in betelgeusian that translates into english: ford's name, ix. "ix" isn't a given name, it's a betelgeusian word given to ford as a nickname because he couldn't say his own name—and, presumably, neither could anybody around him.

i say that ford has to be able to speak english because he lived for fifteen years on a planet full of people without babel fish in their ears. if he came down and started babbling in betegeusian, he would have had a very different experience here. so he either learned english before hitching a ride to earth (highly unlikely, imo, considering how little a role earth plays in the galaxy—i doubt any earth language is too well-known in the wider galaxy), or he had to learn english when he first arrived. this latter is also backed up, to me, by the fact that ford was a bit careless in his original research. i just feel like he would have done the same thing as when he chose a name: get it almost right, but just a little bit off.

i do think ford picks up languages really quickly. in most parts of the galaxy, it doesn't matter if he can speak a language or not, since babel fish are pretty readily available, and everybody has one. however, because babel fish are so readily available, there's no need for a universal language that everybody speaks. the babel fish only work for your ears, not your eyes, so somebody as well-traveled as ford would, by necessity, pick up some basics in a lot of different languages. these basics probably include primarily what you'll find on menus and in travel ports, if i had to guess. (maybe there's some kind of companion to the guide, a hitchhiker's dictionary. maybe that's part of the guide? idk.)

but aside from the necessity of being able to read at least bits and pieces of many languages when one hitchhikes, i think ford does it to make up for not knowing his dad's praxibetel. so what, he never learned the dialect his father loved. so what, he couldn't ever learn to say his own name. so what, he killed his own father/uncle by doing so. so what?? he's gonna learn every other language in the galaxy, just to prove that he can. he's running around the galaxy, convinced that if he can write an article about a planet and know its dialects well enough to read and write them, then what happened to him won't ever happen to anybody else.

and that leads me to my next conclusion: that ford speaks accented english. obviously, everybody does, but i rather like the idea that the way he talks on earth—and possibly, everywhere else—always strikes everybody around him as different. everything else about him does—why shouldn't his voice? so yeah my ford doesn't have a british accent.

but of course, once they're off earth, up in space, once arthur has a babel fish, there's no need for ford to speak english anymore, so he returns to his native betelgeusian ... which leads to a rather surprised arthur going, "ford, what the hell happened to your accent?!"

because since ford isn't speaking a language arthur already knows, the babel fish has to translate his speech now! and i suppose i don't think the babel fish translates accents. like, i guess i don't totally understand how the babel fish works (am i meant to?) but ... i don't know. i think the fish eats up sound waves and what it excretes is something the user can understand based on what's already in their mind. that is to say, arthur, who grew up british and with british accents, hears anything the babel fish as to translate in a british accent. so when ford stops speaking accented but understandable english, and starts speaking a language arthur doesn't know, the babel fish translates with a british accent because that's just what's in arthur's mind.

tl;dr ford picks up languages really easily because he's got something to prove to his dead dad, he speaks english, and it confuses the hell out of arthur when he stops speaking english because the babel fish doesn't translate accents. this is one of my favorite headcanons about ford.

[iguessitsjustme]

Love Sea Episode 9 Thoughts

I can hear you. What happened to episode 8 liveblog? Did you not liveblog it? I can hear the questions. Here’s the thing. I didn’t watch episode 8. I’m testing a theory that I actually don’t need to watch episode 8. To be clear, I know roughly two things that happened (Mut talking to Rak’s dad and the girls kissing because Mook is helping Vi rehearse lines) but that’s all I know. And if that’s all I know, I should still be missing things from an hour long episode. I don’t think I will be. So I’m testing my theory that I can just skip the episode and still be able to follow along with the story. If I can, it will prove my point about this show’s lazy writing. Anyway, I just finished eating my coco puffs (dinner of champions) and I am ready to watch. Under the cut as always:

The previously on is telling me some things too. Not a whole lot though. This episode should still make no sense to me after skipping an episode.

She is a child. She should not be the one deciding on whether or not her guardians are told something regarding her own safety and also their safety. 

Mut protecting Meena and telling her to get behind him is good. Not telling her to call the police while she is literally holding her phone is bad. Just a quick whispered “call the police” should have happened.

Dear GOD what song is that car even listening to? Stop being noisy and go away I am TRYING to watch!

Okay I appreciate a good fight scene as much, if not more, than the next person, but I cannot figure out where Mut would have learned these fighting skills? Like don’t get me wrong, watching him wail on these two dudes is very entertaining to me but it also doesn’t make sense. What reason would he have had to learn this on the island?

*drinks choccy milk* *gnaws on pickle*

When did his face get hit to be bleeding?

Oh no. Oh dear. I cannot believe this. You have to *gasp* tell the…truth? Only the worst people in the entire world EVER tell the truth. What will become of you? Rak finding out even if you lie…boy what is wrong with Rak finding out something that could POTENTIALLY BE DANGEROUS TO HIM AND HIS LOVED ONES. I cannot do this. I should not be watching this on a school night. Cause I need alcohol. What the fuck is this.

Oh really. I forgot about this show’s desire to use flashbacks all the time. I really don’t need episode 8 because I’ll just get a flashback when needed. God this writing is so…maybe I’ll break my rules and drink alcohol anyways. I think I might have some soju buried in my fridge somewhere….

Oh that wasn’t a flashback? But it was in the previously on?

Oh it was. It was both a flashback and not a flashback. That makes sense. In some world I’m sure.

It is very satisfying to watch Mook push Vi out of Rak’s apartment actually.

I basically just spend this whole show feeling bad for Mook and…no one else.

His dad. No?

I drank all my choccy milk :(

Peat is too good of an actor for MAME. The way he makes Rak so small when facing his dad is so impressive.

As it turns out, blasting Stray Kids does, sometimes, make my neighbors stop having their conversations RIGHT OUTSIDE my door. Like guys. Go talk outside your own door.

God this camera work is making me motion sick. I hate it when they do this. I get it sometimes. I understand the reason it can be good. I don’t think it is necessary here and it just makes this scene that much harder for me to watch.

And this show has done this a lot. I need more stable shots. If most of the show is shot like this, it removes so much of the impact for scenes when it could be very good. And I get maybe wanting to do an inverse where the stable shots are the ones with the emotional impact, but to be clear, that is not what this show is doing. None of the scenes are landing the way they should be landing and the way they are intended to. They are overusing things in this show that should be saved for specific moments. Nothing feels fully thought out in this show. Everything feels like half an idea that was put together at the last minute because they ran out of time. And unless I’m wrong, that’s not the case for this show. They had the time and they just failed to utilize it. This feels like they started creating the show before any plan was created and in place on how to actually do that.

I must admit, watching Mut punch Rak’s dad was satisfying. Especially considering I was pretty much chanting “just deck ‘im." He didn’t punch him nearly enough before getting pulled off of him. Also that was such a poorly directed fight. What was that? Mut basically just laid on top of Rak’s dad with his fist raised and he didn’t punch him again? I would understand if it looked like Rak’s dad put up any sort of fight but it didn’t look like he was really struggling that hard. God Mut should have been feral. Where was that?

I hate that I actually really like the line “You’re the one that took off my collar. Are you prepared to face me?” I really wish it was in a better show. Because up until now, we have had no reason to believe Mut was in any way shape or form dangerous or violent. He was even better than all of MAME’s other semes by actually having Rak’s consent before sleeping with him. So why should I believe he is able to do anything to Rak’s dad other than the show has decided that he can with no contextual support. But god, if Mut had the backup of the previous episodes (and maybe something was explained in episode 8 that I missed but most likely not), this line would being doing things to me because there’s something about a character that’s been kept on a leash, finally being let off the leash to wreak havoc that is just catnip to me.

Having Mut come in and solve everything. Every family problem and miscommunication in 30 seconds (part of it happening off-screen) is so annoying. What is the meaning of the resolution if only one character had to do minimal work for it and it wasn’t the character most affected. Having Mut stand up to Rak’s dad in place of Rak instead of simply supporting him. Showing up and telling him what he learned to give Rak the opportunity to cut those ties himself. To speak up first. It’s just…that whole scene should have been about Rak but instead it was about Mut solving Rak’s problems. It made the drama boring and took away the importance of the moment. It took away from both characters’ development and growth. Mut is a boring character because he is perfect. And even when he does wrong, he actually doesn’t do any wrong. Rak trying to call things off and Mut refusing and immediately fixing the situation was too perfect and that makes a story boring. I don’t want the drama in a show to be boring. I want it to make sense but most importantly, I want it to be entertaining. And if a character is so perfect that they’re able to literally stop the drama during the big climactic confrontation, then the part of the show that should be the most entertaining is now incredibly boring.

This is an insane line to include in a show that half-assed so much of its production I am actually losing my mind. Not a single person involved in this show put their all into it. Actually I take that back. The actors did. But not a single other soul involved in this show. No one behind the scenes gave more than one singular shit if they even gave that. Absolutely insane. What a line. This is just so fucking weird to include in this show. It is so lackluster I skipped an entire episode and missed nothing.

The preview for next week and the tiny drama they’re gonna have means nothing to me after what they just went through. Like seriously? That’s going to be their next issue? After all of that? MAME does this sometimes when she puts the drama out of order so it doesn’t make sense and makes it feels like the characters are actually regressing or like the major conflict never happened in the first place let alone have a resolution *stares daggers at Don’t Say No*

Anyway my experiment is complete. As it turns out, watching episode 8 is not needed. Just having minimal knowledge of what happened is fine and you don’t miss anything. Except possible exposition to explain Mut’s random fighting skills that don’t make sense. But to be clear, if that happened in episode 8, it also is too late for it to work with the context of the story. Just throwing it in at the last second to explain something doesn’t work because it wasn’t given proper thought. Whatever. Only one more week of this and maybe next time I’ll get drunk first. At least maybe then I’ll be entertained.

[imichelle-l-rigby]

Reflections: Cillian Murphy’s Limited Edition

Series 3, episode 2

———————————————————————

*I am a music prof (predominantly classical vocalist), and I LOVE listening to Cillian’s music choices! That being said, sometimes I won’t like a song simply because of a vocalist (it’s a professional hazard - sorry!) 👩‍🏫

** The following are my own observations/opinions. We may not agree, and that’s ok! That’s what makes music fun! 😊

*** I wouldn’t say I’m well-versed in Cillian’s music preferences, but I do enjoy them (for the most part). I always wind up adding to my own playlists after listening to Cillian’s recommendations.

———————————————————————

And now for episode 2…

🎵 Set 1 (Gonna Be - Sun King)

Gonna Be: an interesting beginning! I like the layers of motivic play from low, mid, and high parts of the texture. Fun instrument and sound effect choices, as well!

Come Home: harmonies are dense, but so wholesome and satisfying. It reminds me of a lot of Americana material.

Sun King: I LOVE THE BEATLES SO UNIRONICALLY 😍😍😍😍. Also, Abbey Road had its birthday this past week! 😊

🎤Talking Break

“Blathering blindly”

“Bus stops along the way”

He sounds more chill this time than last week? His voice is giving serious ASMR vibes

“Treash”

His love of close harmonies is so valid 👌

That’s adorable him asking his dad about the faux Italian in “Sun King” 😂

🎵Set 2 (SpongeBob -

SpongeBob: I promise you that this is the last thing I think of in association with SpongeBob! 😅 while this is objectively good, it’s not my cup of tea. I do like that I can understand/follow the lyrics. Well done and well constructed.

Officina stellare: I like this! A fun, atmospheric piece.

I’m not sure why this and SpongeBob go together, but the juxtaposition is striking.

🎤Talking Break:

Italian pronunciation should be: oh-fee-chee-nah steh-lah-rey

“Brilliant atmosphere of doom” ok… way to bring down the vibe, Cillian! 😅

🎵Set 3 (Weird Lullaby - Nite Owl)

Weird Lullaby: I do enjoy some good, original jazz. Swing era, and an unorthodox use of scat. I looked up Babs, and I need to find more of his stuff. He’s got an enjoyable voice, and approaches harmonies in a beautiful way.

Nite Owl: even though this is also an “oldie,” it is a STRONG difference compared with the previous!!! But I like this - what a feel good song! Good use of what is now called a “twang” vocal technique (twang isn’t just for country music).

🎤Talking Break

Now I need to listen to Frank Zappa’s Jukebox…

Joke’s on you, Cillian! First time I listened to this I was NOT “headphoned up!” 😂 I know, I’m such a rebel! 😂😂 Jk I was too lazy to go get my AirPods

🎵Set 4 (Trees, etc. - A Slice of the Top)

Trees, etc: well, it’s certainly better/more enjoyable than “Revolution 9” - that is one trippy, scary song! But I’ll be honest, I expected more “sound directionality” when he said to “headphone up,” like when you can hear the direction of the sound change from left to right. Regardless, this is a cool concept piece.

A Slice Of The Top: more jazzy, for sure. I’m loving the different riffs! Something about it sounds like Afro-Cuban jazz, but idk why? Maybe it’s the background rhythms? Fun dissonant harmonies, though!

🎤Talking Break:

“There is some coherence… somewhere”

🎵Set 5 (Dr. Ring Ding -Jack Ruby)

Dr. Ring Ding: the intro is so weird 😅 but no, this is a cool song. Again, I always appreciate some good riffs/solos!

Jack Ruby: same artist!! Wow! And man, I just wanna dance listening to these songs!💃

🎤Talking Break

A Cork specific question!

I saw somewhere someone was asking what a “boogie” is supposed to mean. I *think* (?) it’s just a jam session or performance of some kind??? At lest that’s how I’m interpreting this story.

A pub called Snotty Joe’s?! 😂😂😂

Ejected from establishments 😂😂😂😂

Corkonians

“Brilliantly sound self”

🎵Set 6 (Gone Daddy Gone - Downtown Train)

Gone Daddy Gone: ok, this is a boogie, if I say so! The instrumental track is fun, though repetitive. The vocal line is fairly monotone. Idk why monotone songs work, but they do (Mr. Brightside is a great example of monotone done right)! And a marimba solo?! Yes, please! 🤩

Downtown Train: ok… Tom Waits’ voice is not my favorite. That being said, this is a good song. It’s not something I would listen to often because of the vocals, but it’s definitely got merit. And something about this is so nostalgic?

🎤Talking Break

Aretha!!!!! 😍😍😍😍😍

Yay archive material!!!

“Baby, baby, baby”

🎵Set 7 (Baby, Baby, Baby)

Baby, baby, baby: I have no words. Aretha has SUCH a lovely, effortless-sounding voice! And her songs are so soulful! Perfection. 💯

🎤Talking Break

Thoughts on Bill: he’s eclectic. But his description is vague and I wish he’d be more specific.

🎵Set 8 (Free’s - Weird Sisters)

Free’s: the melody isn’t ambitious (almost like a recitative), but his voice has a nice, rich quality to it! And the instrumentation is fun! Almost like a little jazzy flute riff along with atmospheric backing.

Weird Sisters: enjoyable song! Definitely enjoying the slow build in texture - well done.

As a voice teacher, I want to double check some vocal production techniques of his. I’m not sure if some of the vocal anomalies I’m hearing are purposeful or not. I think they’re done on purpose, but if not, he should go visit an ENT (the doctor, not the talking tree). TLDR: vocal health is important.

🎤Talking Break

Oh no… not more weird dude from Yorkshire 😅

I’m still so confused.

Ok… an introduction to the next artist.

🎵Set 9 (Micael)

Micael: I like this song a lot. Guitar is haunting, atmospheric, and repetitive. The other instrumental and sound effects in the back are nice additions! The vocal line and it’s layers just keep adding to the strangeness of this song. It’s a puzzle, and I think that’s why I like it - it keeps you on your toes!

🎤Talking Break

An exclusive! 🙀

Oooh… a book reading!

Comments on Jarvis: yes. Music is a magic trick! His French is good. *the tingle* - yep! So important!

“Pop music was real music as far as I was concerned” - I do disagree with this point. All music is real. You may not like it, but that’s a different subject 🤷‍♀️

🎵Set 10 (Black Magic)

Black Magic: why is this such a banger??? 😎😎😎 the bell line is a really nice touch, and I like it’s unique and unexpected melody compared to the more predictable vocal line and chorus.

🎤Talking Break:

“Thank you, Jarvis”

🎵Set 11 (Harmoniser Dub - The Smoke)

Harmoniser Dub: for something with “harmonize” in the title, there isn’t much harmonizing… (I know, I’m being purposefully obtuse) 😂 but a fun use of electronic sounds and non-vocal music!

The Smoke: I like this a lot more than the previous song! Lots of unexpected rhythmic pauses, and the mysterious vocal line is cool 😎 I like how this song is constantly morphing and borrowing styles to form a whole.

🎤Talking Break

Love remixes!

“No let’s not play the ident”

“Friends”

🎵Set 12 (Lwonsome Tonight - All Souls)

Lwonsome Tonight: now I have a complicated relationship with her voice. She purposefully sings in a thin, unsupported style and in a difficult portion of her range to create a specific haunting/folksy effect. I get it, but I don’t care for it. Good storytelling, and the vocal melody has an interesting contour.

All Souls: a strong contrast with the previous song! I like the electronic distortion and sub-pulses. 👍 the piano line is reminiscent of some of the driving pulses in funeral marches, so that’s a cool touch. I would say I prefer this song to the other one featured.

🎤Talking Break

I do love covers

🎵Set 13 (PinkMoon - Paprika Pony)

Pink Moon: I like this! Fun electronic components, and a pleasant head-dominant vocal production. This is such a vibe! ✨

Side note: isn’t AURORA featured in Frozen 2?

Paprika Pony: WHOA what a contrast! This is all clear-cut edges where the previous is all soft and fluffy. I know that has nothing to do with musical qualities, but that’s how I’m hearing it tonight.

I guess this set is tied together by alliteration? 😂

🎤Talking Break

“Anthemic” - I did not know that was a word!

🎵Set 14 (Stand Anthem)

Stand Anthem: I’m sorry, Cill, but I don’t like this. I enjoyed the first 20 seconds? It does have a “We Are The World” vibe, but it’s so repetitive. I think it’s the “stand” portions I dislike most - they don’t go anywhere. There’s no sense of build or momentum, and I’d really like to have that featured, especially in an anthem!

🎤Talking Break

Yay! Irish music!

Set 15 (Foreign Fleas)

Foreign Fleas: dude, this sounds dark and scary! 🫣 but that’s not a bad thing! I’m just a wimp 😂 but there are some nice, crunchy, dissonant harmonies in the vocal line. 👍

🎤Talking Break

“Brave and moving act of communication”

“Multitudinal”

What’s a Wally???

“Mind yourselves”

🎵Set 16 (Become the Earth - Distant Sky)

Become the Earth: oddly enough, I would describe her voice as “earthy” 😂 the simplicity of this song is nice. Heavily produced stuff is nice, but so is something like this. There’s still some post-production parts, but it’s not overwhelming. I did like that descending and ascending slide in the backing vocals! That was cool!!!

Distant Sky: Nick Cave is one of those artists who has such a gift when it comes to storytelling. However, his voice isn’t my favorite. That being said, what he adds instrumentally and through storytelling outweighs his vocal production (which is also a choice, I believe). And the juxtaposition of Nick and Else Torp is just wow! Overall, this is a beautiful song, and I’m happy the show ended so strongly with this gorgeous piece.

———————————————————————

And that’s episode 2! Honestly, I’m surprised I was able to get this out by Friday - this week has been hectic! 😂😅

Anyway, I hope you enjoyed! Feel feee to share/comment! 😊

Tag List:

@iammrsrogers @deliciousnutcomputer @mariamoonie @brownskinsugarplum76 @look-at-the-soul @kj-davis @neverroad @teapothollow @thepurplearmyposts @possessedmarshmallow

[thehollowwriter]

Vent

I need to talk to the psychologist again bc last time I nearly blew a blood vessel because she kept insisting that everything my mom acted, well, like herself I must "fall back on my dad so he can deal with situation" NO GOD DAMN IT I DON'T CARE IF HE SAID HE'LL DO SOMETHING HE NEVER DOES. HE JUST GOES "I'LL TALK TO HER" AND THAT DOES FUCK ALL. MY SISTER WND I ARE STILL MAKING BREAKFAST, LUNCH ON DINNER AND GETTING MY BROTHER READY FOR SCHOOL AND BATHING HIM AND HELPING MY DAD EAT AND GO TO THE BATHROOM AND CLEANING THE KITCHEN AND CLEANING MY PARENTS' ROOM AND MAKING MY MOM COFFEE, MEDICINE, FOOD, AND SWEETS AND HELPING MY DAD IN AND OUT OF BED AND CHANGING HIS CLOTHES WHEN HIS CARER ISN'T HERE-

AND YET. AND YET THEY STILL HAVE THE FUCKING AUDACITY TO TELL ME THAT I AM "STILL A CHILD"! DON'T YOU FUCKING DARE TELL ME THAT WHEN MOTHER DEAR SPENDS ALL DAY ON HER PHONE OR WATCHING TV AND THREATENING TO NOT TAKE US TO SCHOOL BECAUSE WE DIDN'T MAKE HER COFFE FAST ENOUGH, OR THROWING A BITCH FIT BECAUSE WE DIDN'T GRATE SOME CHEESE OVER THE DINNER SHE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING MAKE AND WAS JUST EATING IN BED OR THREATENED TO LOCK ME OUTSIDE FOR HAVING AN "ATTITUDE"

AND YET... AND YET I'M TOLD TO RELY ON MY DAD TO DO SOMETHING? WHEN HE HASN'T DONE JACK SHIT OR EVEN ENCOURAGED MY MOM FOR YEARS. DOES SAYING "I'LL TALK TO HER" "JUST LEAVE IT" "STOP IT" "BE QUIET" "STOP ARGUING SOUND LIKE FUCKING "DOING SOMETHING" TO YOU?

AND ON TOP OF ALL THIS I MUST GET GOOD GRADES! "OR YOU WON'T GET INTO UNI, QUINN" WELL SORRY FOR NOT HAVING STELLAR GRADES WHEN MY SISTER AND I DOING BASICALLY EVERYTHING, ESPECIALLY WHEN THE CARER ISN'T HERE, AND ANY HOPE OF HELP OR OUTSIDE ACTIVITY WAS SHOT DOEN BECAUSE A CERTAIN LAZY POS REFUSED TO TAKE US TO SPORT OR GYMNASICS OR BALLET BECAUSE SHE'S "TOO TIRED" OR INTERROGATING US ABOUT WHAT WE SAID TO THE SOCIAL WORKER OR BEING ANGRY AT US FOR SEEING A PSYCHOLOGIST "WITHOUT TELLING HER BECAUSE YOU CAN'T TRUST THEM" OR- OR INSISTING "WHAT HAPPENS IN THIS HOUSE STAYS IN THIS HOUSE, YOU DON'T GO TELLING YOUR GRANDPARENTS OR OTHER FAMILY STUFF THAT DOESN'T CONCERN THEM"

LET'S NOT FORGET ARGUING WITH THE DOCTOR AND INSISTING HE'S WRONG AND DOESN'T KNOW WHAT HE'S TALKING ABOUT FOR THINKING I HAVE ADHD. IT COULD HELP ME, BUT WHO CARES, LET'S INSIST IT'S NOT THAT AND THEN GET ANGRY WHEN QUINN FORGETS THINGS, GETS DISTRACTED, MAKES MISTAKES, OR GETS POOR GRADES

LET'S INSIST QUINN HAS DEPRESSION BECAUSE "I'VE BEEN THROUGH SO MUCH I'M BASICALLY QUALIFIED TO BE A PSYCHIATRIST, AND I KNOW THE SIGNS". LET'S SAY THAT'S WHY SHE'S TIRED ALL THE TIME, AND NOT BECAUSE SHE'S LITERALLY BEING THE PARENT OF THE HOUSE. EVEN THE FUCKING PSYCHOLOGIST SAYS THAT THERE'S NOT MUCH THAT CAN BE DONE ABOUT THE SITUATION AND I'M GOING TO HAVE TO BE "THE PARENT"..

"WHY ARE YOU ALWAYS SO UNHAPPY" "WHY DO YOU HAVE LOW SELF-ESTEEM" GEE IDK MAYBE IT'S BECAUSE YOU'RE AN ABUSIVE POS WHO SLAPPED ME AND LOCKED ME OUTSIDEAND THREW A PLATE A LT ME AND WOULD CONSTANTLY THREATEN US WITH STUFF LIKE "I'LL BREAK THIS BOWL OVER YOUR HEAD" "I'LL PUNCH YOU" "I'LL THROW THIS SCALDING COFFEE AT YOU" ALL WHILE RELYING ON US TO DO EVERYTHING AND WHINING ABOUT HOW MUCH YOUR LIFE SUCKS EVEN THOUGH YOU SPEND ALL DAY EVERY DAY DOING WHATEVER YOU WANT WITHOUT A JOB AND AT EVERY OPPORTUNITY YOU WOULD TEAR INTO MY APPEARANCE OR CALL ME A BITCH OR CALL ME CANCER

AND THEN YOU FUCKING EXCUSE IT ALL WITH "IT WAS BECAUSE I HAD A SPIRIT ATTACHED TO ME" AND EVERY TIME WE BRING UP WHAT YOU DONE YOU EITHER BLAME IT ALL ON THAT OR SAY "I'M SORRY YOU'RE MADE AT ME FOR BEING SICK" "OR I'M SORRY THAT'S HOW YOU FEEL" OR "HOW YOU PERCIEVE THINGS ISN'T ALWAYS THE TRUTH"

I'm so tired. I'm so so tired.

[anxious-alien-overlord]

Hi so I’ve been ingesting a lot of pirate media recently (because I have a problem) and now I’m going to go on a mini rant about Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead men tell no tales, which isn’t a bad movie but it has its flaws. Now I will go forth and do my rant in the form of a list.

1. Salazar

Not a bad villain on the surface, actually I think he’s pretty cool. There’s just one problem, we’ve seen a villain like him before in this franchise. One who hates Captain Jack Sparrow because of something that happened in the past, one that can’t go on land, one that has some kind of curse on him, one that needed Jacks compass to do something in some way, and one that they needed to break his curse to defeat. Sound familiar? That’s because we already had this with DAVY JONES.

Other then a few details like Jones only being able to go on land every ten years as opposed to Salazar just not being able to, and the fact that their curses are different and Salazar isn’t in love with a sea goddess, but other then that they are very similar and even carry an undead theme. Hell, even Barbossa in the first movie is similar.

2. Jack giving up the compass

Okay so you’re telling me that Jack would give up the compass, the compass that he would not give up even to Will in Dead Man’s Chest, just to get rum? That compass is arguably his most prized possession and I don’t think that him giving it up even for a moment would happen unless he let someone else use it to get a heading just like in Dead Man’s Chest. There could have been another reason that Salazar was released, maybe there was a time limit or something, but I found Jack giving away the compass to be really really lazy.

4. Henry Turner and his parents

Okay so let me be clear, I don’t hate Henry. He’s a good character and I think his goal of finding the Trident to break every curse at sea and free his dad is a great motivation, but that being said.. why did he have to join the Navy to get on a ship?? His mom is the literal Pirate King, something that this movie seems to forget. Henry could have easily been placed on a pirate ship that fell under her ruling, maybe we could have been Barbossa earlier taking him off to find a way to break the curse or better yet let’s have Elizabeth step up and go with him! It’s not a big thing for me, but it does feel a little weird that Henry knows so little about piracy considering he was raised by one.

5. The characterization of (Captain) Jack Sparrow

As much as I love Jack and will always love Jack, he’s… pretty much useless in this movie. Other then letting Salazar free he’s pretty much been demoted to a funny side character who gives bad advice and drinks all the time. I get it, he’s been cursed by Barbossa and he’s down on his luck but that should not have stopped him! Also you’re telling me that he wouldn’t have found a way to get the Pearl out of the bottle? His beloved ship? He’d be scouring the world for that information! He also wouldn’t have cut off contact with Elizabeth I refuse to believe that. He may not be the brightest but he’s not stupid and I don’t like how this movie portrayed him.

6. Hector Barbossa

Okay so for the most part I think he’s fine, he got what he wanted in the end and he has a daughter that he sacrifices himself for. There’s just one problem, Hector Barbossa also stuck his neck out for Elizabeth Swann and I personally think that he would have remained loyal to her as the pirate King. Having a witch curse Jack is something he would do though.

[confessions-official]

i feel bad for wanting a different life then i do now because my appartment is stable

i do have a bed to sleep on but i cant help but feel like i never truely had my own space because i never had my own bedroom and i always slept with someone else either next to me or anything, my sister has to take calls and lectures and i have to stay quiet, i want my own desk so badly because only laying on a bed has made me drastically lazy and such, i cant even cry in peace and i have to stop stimming when my sisters friends are over when i dont want to see them

i have a full fridge but its packed TOO much, we have abunch of meat in there that gets forgotten quickly, alot of food that only my parents eat, hell the kitchen itself it so horrid by other families standards, the moment you walk in you already see a overfilled bag of trash and counters that have not been cleaned in months, me and my sister had emptied and cleaned the fridge this easter break and the moment mom and dad got home it got cluttered again, the table we use to just place food is also a mess and we leave fruits and vaggies on it causing them to spoil more quickly

my mom keeps alot of soaps, papers, bags - she doesnt even go shoping, she doesnt want us to use the special soaps she gives away (which is a full closet to clarify) and got mad at my sister when she cleaned the bathroom and used one of those, there isnt enough space to walk, and we use only 6 bags at maximum

i dont know HOW to clean, at most we vacume but thats it, with all the stuff we have laying around its hard and i dont know which spray bottle to use for which products, i dont even know how to use a washing machine or how to mop a floor, theyre both very lazy (and i dont blame them both, theyre really tired all the time and my mom sleeps most of the day) and my mom would freak out if we shower more then 2 people a day because of this really musty dirty plastic bathtub we have that she collects water with so i shower once a week, i know how gross it is i feel bad but its not as bad as my grandmas house which is very moldy and its atleast bareable to invite people in

i never got to dress myself in the morning, my parents always wake me up and brush my hair (my mom always tells me my hair is oily or not brushed well even though everyone else tells me i do a great job) and they just argue about mundane stuff and i just want peace and quiet at 6 am - they always nag me about homework and studying and due to complicated neurodivergent stuff in my head i freeze and i cant seem to find anything i want to do untill its really late and im tried by that time i wish i could just do everything at the same time but i cant, and i cant talk about it to them, but aside from being boring to listen to they care about me unlike alotof other parents who probably wouldnt have bothered despite me not needing alot of support

i wish i had a small house and not an apartment, my stimming usually involves running around and with a small apartment 1) there will be always someone in a room and i dont like anyone else seeing me 2) the neighbors below, by some luck who havent sued us yet, probably dont apprechiate it, btu i have a place to live in

i already have a stable apartment and i shouldnt be complaining at all, i dont know why but i sometimes wonder how it would be like to live in the average family american TV seems to show

maybe my life will turn around once i have my own apartment / house, hopefully by then i will have learnt a thing about cleaning or two

 

[intersexfairy]

using tumblr as a journal for a moment. parents just gaslit the fuck out of me i think. its a long disorganized rant becaus ei cant fucking process whatever the hell just happened.

i came back from an appt with my GP and came home to tell my parents about it. he referred me to a new cardio and gave me a referral for neurosurgey. so. i tell my parents. and they barely reply. so i keep asking if they understand how serious this is, why they wont reply.

it turns into lecturing me about how i need to do more around the house. how i need to lose weight. they use any example of me doing anything to ask why im not doing chores. they demand i use what little energy i have on housework. i asked if i was selfish and they basically affirmed. my dad told me to stop focusing on all these doctors and go get a job.

i told them i have nerve damage. everything i do hurts. i told them im being evaluated for a serious disorder wiht ptoentailly fatal complications. i told them the time they DENIED ME MEDICAL CARE, i partially dislocated my knee, and my PT says so. they. just kept. attacking me. they always bring up the "we can't take care of you forever" "what are you gonna do when we're gone" and i told them i'd suffer bc i can't take care of myself and their frustration with having to take care of me (WHICH THEY BARELY FUCKING DO) is their burden. they chose to be parents.

my dad told me he didnt sign up to be a parent. he didnt sign up to take care of me for life because he has to take care of my mom (also doesnt do that either). im a fucking dead beat child to them. i was crying in front of them. my dad demands i do a family session and wants a release to talk to my therapist. when i said i wanted privacy and i dont trust him, he said he has a right to my medical records if he has to take care of me. he said maybe i need someone to decide what's right for me if i keep making bad decisions.

i kept trying to walk away and they kept saying not t walk away, we're not walking away, i told them i didnt want to talk and they guilted me, manipulated me, made me feel like i was the bad guy. my dad said i'm just lazy and i'm choosing to not be able to do things like chores.

i finally got fed up and took my laptop/etc. to my room. shut myself in here and now im trying to get high or incapactiated. got tehrapy tonight. 5:30pm est. fuck everthing

[eviltiddyproductions]

destined with you : episode 4

rowoon has graduated from the song hye kyo school of cheekbone acting omg. you cannot not look at them!

my sister's gagged

lmaooo i love her for just glossing over his confession 😂

this is a pretty realistic (and hilarious )conversation regarding the love spell lmao like they are both really just stuck with this situation now 💀

the writers better make this fun !!!

need to get my hands on a gif of his deadpan delivery of 'don't make that face it makes my heart flutter' 😐🫥😐

him trying to pull his feet of the ground lmaooo

props to the second male lead he said I'm good to dogs, cold to my family; stop the delusions ✋ (to be fair though families always have a higher chance of being terrible than dogs)

well he let her down gently, sweet man

everybody in this show is lonely #relatable

oh the way he randomly got up scared me lmao 😭

naur hong jo find a cure and get this man back to normal again 💀

adore the manager down for atleast taking care of these things

all the best hong jo 😭

'in my body sadness should be working actively but joy is having fun cluelessly' ME WHEN

y'all they're showing his ex girlfriend and I guess the second female lead but we're 4 episodes in and I feel nothing. 💀 like at least give me some breadcrumbs to be interested

hide hong jo! you're about to catch strays because of his breakup 😭

honestly he's got the i need to pee so bad stance absolutely downnn

generally in shows that go back and forth between past life and current life i get kind of bored and disinterested but this is keeping my intrigue!

also maybe shows really work when you take them 2 episodes at a time because at this point I'll eat anything up 💀 #embarrassing

lmao Manager Queenie just read Mr. Gong to filth

babe pretty sure your love potion man moved in

woah who's this hoodie man ?!!

get your streetlights fixed sister !!!

love potion man got the lights fixed!

should've just made him call you

lmao look at him skipping after her 💀

could make a drinking game out of the amount of times he says 'get a grip of yourself Shin Yu

y'all I do feel for him though. having to sit through this and have no control of your feelings bc of a love potion seems terrible 😭🙏

I knew they would cut away when she told her the way out of it !!! let me in !!! I won't tell

'do you think I'm doing this so I can spend time with you? you're right I'm doing this so I can spend time with you' is actually so funny

wait he left, did the second male lead move in here ?!!

he's just like me! I want to know too!!!

is the manager Queenie really that good or is the shoe going to drop soon ( I hope it doesn't I love her down !!!) like woah she's always on the right side

awww at least he cares about his boss

wearing a Hawaiian shirt at the funeral of someone should be on my bucket list

WHO MOVED IN !!! I want to know so bad lol

she saved his name as groot

girl just tell us

he was the hooded man !???! 😭 it is him! mr. kwon the second lead (honestly very slay)

girl I adore you 💀🙏 I'd be terrified of moving around if my crush moved in

he looks cute dressed down

oooh imoogi's here

lmao scenes like this remind me of the tale of the nine tailed 1938 dialogue that the gods have gotten lazy and are copy pasting the same face everywhere 😂

at least here it's destiny

girl help him break the spell omg? this is kinda cruel 😭

is that a real beach? the sky and angle is giving green screen

girl his ex would also feel much better if we all got together to break the spell 🧘

oh she came here for her dad

it's a real beach after all

1 minute of the show left and I'll have to wait for another week I really lost. I'm not built for his lifestyle 😭

the precap looks saur good

[jung-koook]

If its not too personal, what areas in your life are you confident in and how did you become confident? Because i struggle with that a lot and have zeeeero confidence in literally everything

I'm confident in many areas of my life that my friends usually aren't. like for example, I don't compare my beauty with others. I don't usually notice things I don't like about my body. I have this thought of always having to go out with friends. I usually go to the cinema alone, go to the bar alone (I don't even drink but I love going to bars lmao), etc. I don't care anymore if people look at me too much because I'm a foreigner (I was born in a country that is not my parents' country). my age friends often call me "yabai" lmao. my friends think I'm cool because I don't care about a lot of things, but I also have this thought with me, "have I really matured or is it just depression that made me this way?". I was diagnosed as having depression when I was 12 years old. and after one day I stopped caring about a lot of things. that's why I can't say how it really happened because it was something so fast.

I'm 100% comfortable in my body but that doesn't mean I don't want to change it. I am very thin and now I want to have a more fit body even though in my country this body type is not what they like but I really don't care. I'm addicted (lmao) to buying skincare and I'll probably do things to my face to keep it nice but that's because I like my face nice not because I compare myself to others. but since I've come to terms with these things I've also stopped judging other people and started to admire the difference. I also began to admire all kinds of beauty. I think some people get so fixated on focusing on their country's standard of beauty that they don't even ask themselves, "but is it that kind of beauty that I like or am I just following a mindset that I'm feeling "manipulated" to follow?". sometimes we just need to open our eyes to what's around us. my dad says i have a big ego lmao which is why he think i am like this. because when someone complains that I'm not wearing makeup or something I don't care. but seriously, I spend so much money on skincare that I want my skin to be so beautiful that I don't feel the need to wear makeup every day. and I'm a lazy person who is always wearing mask and I look really hot with it because I have beautiful eyes so I don't see the need to wear makeup every day. I already spend a lot of money on skincare lol. what matters to me is always looking pretty for myself because other people will always judge you and your body. if we always care about it, we won't be able to live as we want, but as others want. we only have one certainty in life is that we will die someday. there are so many things that maybe we will never have the opportunity to experience. at least we could have the opportunity to live as we want. this is something so simple and so hard at the same time right. i wish i could help everyone with this but it's impossible because we are different. its something my therapist has already told me, that I'll never be able to help everyone I love and care about that I need to accept that. aaaah, my friends also find it shocking that i am so open about going to therapy but i really don't mind being open about something that helps me so much.

I wish I had something to say to help you but this is everyone's unique thing. not always what I say can help you. unfortunately :/ but I wish you will find a way to be more confident. I think the first step is always to stop caring about what others think but that is often the hardest step, right.

[nityarawal]

To Northwestern: @northwestern @northwezt @harvard @harvardbusinessschool @harvardseas @harvardfineartslib @harvard-art-museums-prints

My cousin James Mahoney was headhunted by US army Berets because my father was in charge of psych department and my families homes were since robbed in WW3. My father says I'm greatest psychologist he's ever met. James is an alcoholic like his atty dad. So add that filter to equation! It's a severe case of anti-jihad. Jame's mother has always been really jealous of my famous Persian princess mom who looks like Cher. I never had a mental health problem nor anyone in my family. Please stop spreading slander. James was headhunted by match.com hooker Cathy Goodwin. Militia from US Army have raped my kids. We want to move to Italy and open a museum to honor my grandfather work. I have an art degree and studied with him since I was a child. My art collection he left me was stolen by Shane Stewart of Idyllwild Realty. It needs to be returned.

Grandpa went to Harvard as did my doppelganger Natalie Portman- her family is also attacked by hookers.

James step son Decklan was pimped to Army schools and he's sold as a rockstar gigolo. It's really gross Army hires our own families to sabbotage us in name of 9/11 Jihad BS.

My brother is digitally printing Rockets for Mars and my son is greatest genius of our era. Why do men rob & rape moms? Still need to turn in Shane Stewart so I can go home. How many moms murdered there? Not one covid death was true.

Could you please help us square up with military rapists so we can move on? We feel James is sold out to military and no one else in my family would take a contract like that. Our cousin Cameron Travelli was suicided off Golden Gate Bridge too in 2007 because his dad is most famous nuclear Physicist Armondo Travelli. Lmk what you can do to defend our family from military rape. 36 times cops violated kids and I. We're From Iowa amd are concerned Trump just spread syphalis there.

Thanks for your kind response despite my court contentious family. Mahoneys are generic products of divorce. They don't know anything better than selling out celebrities in their own family. It's gross. My dad even married James there at Northwestern but he has no respect for family. His military wife is lazy and the kids are drugged comatose malnourished. She's aggressively terrorised me as a Goodwin and sent a Goodwin Marine hooker from Texas with disease. It's not syphalis- but similar covid strain. Anyways- thanks for being kind and adding my father's name to the records- since he's the greatest John Joseph Davigo Atillo Huntley on planet. I love him and am concerned he and my mom are tortured in 6 year estrangement. Lmk if you can help get my father some respect. He's had Army shots terrorising him his whole life and we don't take any benefits. We were very disappointed James took a contract to hurt tm.org where my parents have been enlightening Chicago from for 50+ years. Really maybe you could give my parents an award for the thousands we taught in Midwest? Thanks again! I love that college! Lmk if you need help with the George Huntley Estate. My Aunt's have many etruscan vases and artifacts that should be stored appropriately in my new museum. Do you want me to build one there too? My best friend Diana Danneman Cohen is a famous rockstar from Northwestern and is now Dean of students at University of Arizona. I'll see if she can offer an Italian art collection in my grandfather's name too. The Cohens opened a Waldorf school inspired by my kids villagefarmschool.org we built. (:

All Blessings & love,

Encinitasbeachhome.com

Nitya Nella Davigo Azam Moezzi Huntley Rawal

[spacerockwriting]

Weekly tag wednesday!

Thank you Sky @skylerwinchester @dynamic-power @energievie @stocious

which character from any media would you like to have as a father?

I don't know??? Ya spacerock's got daddy issues.

if money, laws, time, and effort were no object, what animal would you want to have?

Giraffes! They're so derp I love them.

what is your Chinese takeout order?

Idk, i don't eat much chinese food. Like, hardly ever. I mostly just eat the fortune cookies they have there.

what's your favourite emoji? Uhh, I'm loving all the ones from the gallafic club.

would you rather have a library, greenhouse, or home theater in your house?

Home theater. Film major here. Love that idea. Also, we just ironically got a green house yesterday for my dads tree obsession.

what childhood tv show do you think of the most fondly?

Hmmm. Rugrats maybe? Had a shit ton of rugrats dolls and a rugrats birthday party. Rugrats or Blues Clues probably.

what was your tumblr like when you first joined?

I've been a tumblerina for a while now. Since 11? Then in college I moved to an RP blog, with my main, and a LarryStylinson blog. Had that until mid2013 when Lance and I went to a different South Park RP, along with my main &Larry. Once we broke into Indie RP I created a few more South Park RP blogs, then once Lance passed I slowly stopped using the RP account we associated with each other. Made my HP RP in 2014 after SP shit was getting too cliquey, then just kind of sidebloged all my blogs from there for being lazy. Reattempts at SP RP had attempts, but nothing beats 2013 so -shrug- Nothing will ever beat 2012-13 where the community was there, Gallaclub is the only thing coming close <3

what clothing style do you love but don't feel compelled to replicate yourself? Super dressy maybe? I do my best to wear whatever the fuck I want but I'm just, suits and shit aren't gonna be a thing I think. Except like, my wedding if that were to happen.

if you were plopped into a fictional world, which one would you know the layout of the best?

Maybe South Park? Hogwarts, too, but lbr fuck JK.

what is your favourite piece of art?

Like ART ART? I like Van Gouh's starry night. My mom went to the interactive exhibit and I love that. (She's also got some starry night socks and stuff. Plus she had a shirt with a van on it that said van go.) I also like Andy Warhol's stuff? Also love seeing greek statues but forever anxious I'm gonna be a clumsy spacerock and knock them over.

do you have a water bottle? what does it look like?

I've got a cup i bring to work that's Disney 100 and it changes color from blue to purple in the cold. It usually has mountain dew in it. Also I have a REAL waterbottle and its got Shibas on it and counts the level of water to 2 liters. But I hoard cups, always getting souvieneer cups bc im that person.

what fanfic trope is a quiet fave?

Found family is a quiet fav, and sometimes fluff. But mostly I want angst, I want plot.

do you carry a daily bag? what does it look like? what's the weirdest thing in it?

So I carry a bag for work, which has headphones, wallet, work badge, phone, some tangles, squishy giraffe, pens, 2 books: one notebook thing and Heartstopper Volume 4 is in it, and random junk that really needs to be removed lol. Outside of work I just wallet phone the end.

if you had to ship Mickey with another Gallagher, who would it be?

Hmmm maybe Lip? Or Carl would be funny too, but the Lip and Mickey enemes would be funny.

what is a fanfic trope you didn't expect to like and then very much did?

Hmmm. I dunno. AU's maybe?

Do you think s11 Mickey can still carry s11 Ian?

Yeah, if he tries to|has too. But it's very awkward and Ian gets a kick out of him trying.

who got custody of the killing bat when they sold the house?

The OG? Probably Carl. But they all get a killing bat as a housewarming gift for the nostalia. Every house gets a Gallagher killing bat, even Fiona's house in Florida.

I'm a day late so tagging everyone else.

[lolonoco]

Indecisive ~ Chapter 1

{Mbappe & Neymar love triangle}

Ines's POV

I never believed in love and never will. My whole childhood I've never seen my parents happy together. I always thought romantic movies or happy endings were stupid. My Parents always fought but now they're divorced and that's a good thing trust me. I've never really had a love life, just some one night stands and having fun but never actually catching genuine feelings. Honestly men are scared of me, I've been told before. Once a guy told me that my energy was powerful and intimidating to men, he said I had dark feminine energy. He said I could walk on any men and I wasn't what a guy would normally go for. Im not a wifey material girl and I don't intend on having children even if I love them.

———————————————————

I wake to my phone buzzing on my night stand. I really didn't want to answer but it was my dad. So I picked up the phone.

"Yes?" I asked with a sleepy voice.

"Ines? Did you just wake up, I told you today is your little brothers birthday. You have thirty minutes to be at my house, everyone is gonna be there." My dad said angrily.

"Putain, my alarm must have not rang. Je suis désolé papa." I said getting out of bed.

"Just be there in thirty minutes." He said hanging up.

I need to look presentable so I threw on a long black tank top, 501 levis and docs. I let my hair loose and put a little bit of makeup on. I was ready so I got in my car and drove off.

Being at my dads house with my whole family when I just woke up wasn't ideal but whatever. I was here for my favorite person in the world, my little brother Thomas. He turned 13 today. He was officially a teenager but he was still my little baby.

"You're not little tommy anymore you're getting old." I told my brother while pinching his cheeks.

"Dude stop there's about 10 old ladies that have done this to me today gimme a break." Thomas said laughing.

"Dude I'm avoiding dad cause he's gonna kill me for being late, I don't even wanna know my punishment." I said.

"Can't be worse than when he sent you to boarding school when you were 15." He said laughing.

"Dark times." I said while giggling.

"What are you guys doing here! Everyone is waiting at the table, dinner is served!" My dad said dragging us at the table.

After everyone left I helped my dad with the dishes and then he started giving me a lecture.

"You know Ines I find you irresponsible and lazy. You do nothing with your days except working."

"Dad what do you want me to do with my life except from work."

"I don't know go out, socialize, do physical activities." He said.

"Like what?" I asked.

"Maybe you could come to the psg practices and the games. That would give you something to do." He said.

"Really?! Dad you've got to be kidding me." I said frustrated.

"You know what that's a great idea, tomorrow you're coming to the practice at 10, end of discussion." He said.

"Ugh!" I said grabbing my keys and leaving.

———————————————————

I woke up at 9 because if I wasn't at the practice my dad was going to kill me.

I didn't even know the players, only the ones I knew about were the ones my dad wouldn't stop talking about. I only knew Messi, Mbappe and Neymar.

I put on a PSG shirt that was sitting in the bottom of my closet and made myself look presentable and left.

While walking to the field, I saw from a distance a bunch of guys fooling around and jumping on each other.

But the crowd went silent when I was noticed.

-

hope y’all liked ittt <3

[jinxtoyerekko]

Please read this :)

You don't have to interact much. Please just read it...

It's long as shit tho

Big ass TW: Mental health issues and trauma

This week, I did not get shit done tbh. But in my opinion, that's okay. I feel like absolute dog shit at the moment, and that's okay. Like... My partner broke up with me, my bed broke, and I just recently started taking medication again. My school year is starting soon, and I'm currently trying to find work. On top of all that my gender dysphoria is fucking me over like I asked for it. You don't have to be optimistic constantly. I'm not either. So what? It happens.

Life isn't pretty. Nobody is perfect. If you see posts on social media, ask yourself if this person you're seeing is a robot or human. They're most certainly human so if they have a bad day, no matter how famous they are, don't blame them. It happens to everyone.

My ADHD and BPD mess with my head every single day. My anti depressants are doing their job very slowly since my body has to get used to them again and everything feels like it's going to shit right now.

The only ones actively giving me affection are my sister and my pets. Some of you might be able to imagine how that feels.

To me, it's funny how writing such a simple post can help me. I don't eben want pity. If you read this and say nothing, I'll be happy.

I just need to get this off my chest because I only have two people who ALWAYS listen and I feel like I'm ALWAYS complaining to them.

So this time, I'm going to turn to the internet. I'm turning to the one place that has never disappointed me and never hurt me.

As long as SOMEONE SOMEWHERE in this world sees this post and thinks to themselves "Oh... That's how they feel. Hey... I relate to that! I'm not alone." I'm happy. I want nothing else.

I want to show people that they are not alone. That they are valid and that they are loved.

I don't feel it right now, but somewhere 9ut there someone who loves me. Maybe it's someone I know. Maybe it's someone I have yet to meet. Or maybe it's someone I haven't talked to in a few years. I don't know!

But that's okay. I don't need to know. Because even in my darkest days, there's at least one person who will willingly hold me in their arms and make sure that I know my worth.

I'm scared, to be nicely honest. Scared of letting my walls down and letting people see who I am. And yet I can't keel those walls up the moment someone validates anything I do.

You're cool with me being trans? I love you.

You think my trauma is valid? I will do anything for you.

You listen to me talk about my hyperfixations? You're my new favorite person.

But that has so many downsides.

What if you leave? What if you stop validating me? What if you say something that makes me scared to talk?

All those things are thoughts I have daily.

Don't be too loud. But don't be too quiet! Don't be too smart. But don't be too dumb either! Don't be too slow, but God forbid you're too fast! Don't be too open. But don't be too closed off! Don't be too small. Don't be too big. Don't act too old. Don't act too young. Don't be too ugly. Don't be too pretty. Don't eat too much. Don't eat too little. Don't ask for everything. But ask for SOMETHING. Don't listen to everything they say. But you have to listen to a lot that they say.

But what for?

All it does is make me unhappy. All it does is hurt me.

"Mom, I want to go to that school."

"But this school is better."

"Dad, I'm a pegan, not Christian."

"Anything that isn't Christian is wrong."

"(Sister name), I'm hurt that my gf left me."

"That's because you don't understand her point."

Whats happening? Why is everything I think or feel being questioned?

Are you sure you're trans? Are you sure you're not straight? You're too young to know. But we accept you! Go to therapy, so they get that out of your head. Why go to therapy? It won't help you anyway. It never has! You're a helpless case. Why are you so lazy?

You can always talk to me! What? Do you feel sad? Cmon, it's not that big of a deal. It doesn't matter anyway. Just move on. You hurt yourself? How dare you! I'll send you away if you continue. Oh? Do you feel i don't show enough emotion? So I'm a bad parent? Alright. If that's the case? Then leave. Wait, you're leaving? No, come back!

I hate this. I hate it more than anything. I don't know who I am. I don't know who I used to be.

Am I weird? Am I ill? Or am I just insane? Perhaps I've gone insane.

Considering the thoughts I gave regarding me and my family, I'm definitely insane. And I'm too scared to talk to a therapist too.

Why? Simple.

My first therapist wasn't even for mental health and decided I was just weird cuz of my parents divorce.

My next therapist invalidated me having trauma and treated me like a fucking toddler.

My third therapist was just making me feel uncomfortable.

My fourth therapist said it was my fault that my parents treated me the way they dad and said I never god SAd since I "can't fully describe it" after I said I'm too scared to say it out loud.

Then I finally thought it get a diagnosis in the Mental hospital but no. They said I was too young (I'm 19, was 18 at the time) to get a fucking diagnosis bc my "personality isn't fully set yet"

NO SHIT BITCH. I DON'T HAVE ONE. And if this fucking keeps going I never fucking will.

My hands are fucking shaking as I'm writing this and I feel bad bc all my followers will read this and think "pub it's another ST hc/story".

I'm sorry, guys. I'm trying to be productive. I'm trying to do a good job.

I wish I was good enough.

I'm sorry I'm not. I'm sorry I'm not the writer you'd like me to be. I'm sorry I'm not the child my parents wanted me to be. I'm sorry I'm not he brother I'm siblings would've loved me to be. And I'm sorry I was never the student that my teachers wanted me to be.

I just wasn't in a good place. And I'm still not.