#and maybe 7 Days to Die
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fake marriage - @femslashfortnight
just...,.,. lautski getting panic-fake-married after grace goes purity crazy,, like,,, they want to hold hands and unfortunately this is the ONLY way,,, they will be the ultimate u-haul lesbians
Transcript of Grace's last panel ramble:
OH MY GOSH!
WELL THAT CHANGES EVERYTHING!! THEN THIS IS TOTALLY APPROPRIATE! CONGRATULATIONS! WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME SOONER? THIS IS WONDERFUL!
#CLICK FOR QUALITY PLEASE IM COVERED IN GLUE FROM THIS I'VE EARNED IT#god I hope this comic makes any sense#hatchetfield femslash fortnight#hfff#lautski#Stephanie lauter#Peter spankoffski#grace chasity#nerdy prudes must die#npmd#tw genderbend#my art :)#multimedia#hfff7#hatchetfield femslash fortnight day 7#starkid#hatchetfield#I will maybe add alt later but im TIRED this took all day I made this much bigger than intended#Original comic
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I've been very unwell today and my queue is pretty short at the moment, so I might go quiet for a bit. Honestly I might end up in hospital again. I've been struggling for awhile and it's gotten worse, and I'm about past my limit of managing.
Take care of yourselves. xo
#personal#mental health#mental illness#anxiety#panic attacks#lowest I've been on the MH pain scale all day is 7 or 8#gallstone levels of distress at the moment#tempted to call the crisis line but I'm not sure they'll have resources to do anything#it's not like my panic is irrational or catastrophising#it is very possibly the end of the world#pretty sure anxiety and wanting to die is an appropriate emotional response#I'm being stupid and histrionic I guess but I'm not ok#nothing happening is about me but i still can't bear it#i can't focus or think about anything except dread#I've tried meditation and 3 3s and tensing all my muscles and then letting go#I've tried distracting myself with games and tv#nothing is working#heart palpitations high bp tinnitus hyperventilating nausea tightness in chest crying all day on and off#i can't feel like this for the rest of my life#i can't feel like this for another two weeks or another two days#and i don't see why i should have to#might have to go completely offline on a permanent basis but then I'm without my social contacts or my job so#take care of yourselves and each other#maybe i can get sedated or something
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Magnus being a coven escapee is top 5 insane adaptational changes for sure, given that the show is looking at the ways that power structures rely on abuse to maintain themselves as the status quo. if lestat literally embodies the aristocratic european patriarchy and it’s effect on the family unit and it’s racist extension into the colony states like louisiana, what does it mean to show that a large part of his own abuse at home was brought about by attempting - in the ways that he could - to be outside them? Like the lengths the story is going to set up all the myriad ways in which systemic abuse (and sa either as real [claudia and armand] or allegorical [lestat’s turning] ) does not automatically make you a friend and ally to those who have experienced something similar to you, no matter how much you may deeply and truly love them, but instead become another rod on their back is… something else.
and louis seemingly unable to engage with any of this sincerely with his ceo detatchment from profit coming from bodies, and the wall of his own guilt (and not seeing himself as a victim of an abusive relationship!!) at putting who knows how many girls in similar situations in the brothels is truly… big man in the big house stuffing cotton in his ears.
#interview with the vampire#only took 6-7 business days and some scrubbing the shower fumes to even begin to be able to articulate this. like.#locked in the tower; kept under the floorboards... damn maybe love is a small box he keeps you in for real.#all this to say - are you ready to die magnus marius bruce??#text
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their playlist sucks
#rgg#ryu ga gotoku#ryu ga gotoku 2#ryu ga gotoku 7#yakuza series#yakuza 2#yakuza 7#yakuza like a dragon#masadai#daigo dojima#masato arakawa#snap sketches#i do have an actual masadai playlist but like. i dont have to unleash those horrors onto the world#maybe one day. that'll be the day i make a spotify account and not make youtube playlists ☠️#day long my wrist still hurts so why dont i. treat myself to the funnies :)#i have to do so much comm stuff this week this is my treat before i die#hell i might start one of them tonight since it is an aoki comm so that'll be funny#ok bye ima go make noodles i didnt eat all day
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er something something thinking about when ppkm started changing their hairstyles and then another adult ppkm almost kissing they keep doing this on my canvas guys get them out of here!! I'm trying to work!
#roi draws#butterfly soup#ppkm#throws these at you and pretends to not be so busy that I have to constantly be taking heart rate lowering medication 24/7#sweats sweats sweats sorry can I for a moment. I need to do a LARGE amount of math I need to pay my taxes before sunday ?? I need to pack#150 more puppy orders I need to edit 101 photos and take and edit an additional 248 i have to do my LAUNDRY i need to clean#I need to draw ppkm at least once a day or I'll die. I have a fanfiction i am supposed to be updating sorry guys u didn't come here for my#to do list you came here for my ppkm thoughts! okay ppkm thoughts#PERSONALLY i think that they probably change their hairstyles before they leave high school . halfway through senior year?#but honestly I don't . maybe not ponytail noelle till college (that was my ponytail era before i chopped it so so short . ) um and.#something very intimate about hair. brushing hair touching hair. hair compliments. Idk. I just think it's neat I think they are in gay love#NOVEL TAGS!!#about me#ig since i rambled for so long. this is embarrassing.#OH WAIT one more thing. miniature cameo of the senior year outfits balls on my face designed <3
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How can I survive this winter?
#gen#i have no idea#maybe i'll be fine#but i don't think i will be#i'm doing two master's programs and a job for money and now I'm also an editor for a magazine (unpaid) and a PR person (unpaid)#my week only has 7 days#and my friends keep needing my time and help too#and i also have a wholeass gender crisis that's getting increasingly hard to ignore#it's just a little much maybe#and I KNOW that I don't cope well with stress#but i always keep feeling like i need to do kore#and more#and even more#because how else can i possibly keep up in the rat race#and now i'm going to do a bunch of stuff half assed and nothing properly and that is literally so idiotic#also i think my personality is splitting#should i worry about that#i am so disconnected in the different parts of myself I literally don't know what's going on in my life#and i keep forgetting everything#and i feel like i'm touching a live wire#i'm not tired#i'm so energized and all over the place i might just scream and be unable to stop#fun times#will this end in chaos?#will this end in a cemetery#or maybe with a very successful career#no way of knowing#maybe it's time to dedicate myself to the burn bright die young mantra#give up on all the foolish long term dreams#i'll never get any of those anyways
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i repeat: this is so stupid.
#oh here have 7 DAYS of access to the streamer you PAY MONEY for while traveling. how benevolent of us (the wealthy corporation) ❤️#what if you’re on a plane?#what’s the point of downloading episodes offline if you seemingly can’t watch netflix outside of your home?#what if you’re a teacher and want to play something at school for your students?#like maybe you could do all of this but you’d have to plan in advance#you can’t just spontaneously open the app you pay for and watch whatever you want?????#and they’re tracking your IP address and forcing you to watch something once a month to remain unblocked???#what in the orwellian hell IS this#all of this for content that isn’t even that good lmao why are they acting like they’re producing or renewing hq shows/films 🤡#i wish netflix a very die and i will be cancelling as soon as i can#sameera.txt
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I'm genuinely so excited for gencon, it made me do my homework early and I'm gonna do my exam today. So that it won't risk getting in the way of gencon.
Things I'm going to do that I'm most excited about:
Combat Classes for: sword, knife, longsword, saber, kendo, And rogue stage fighting
Introduction to dice making class
Panel on Eberron With Keith Baker AND it'll give out a commemorative d20 as part of it
Panel with critical role artists (not the players themselves, but people who work on the comics and such)
TAZ book launch event for the latest comic book WITH copies of said comic book handed out as part of it
McElroy TTRPG liveplay panel
Signing & selfie with the McElroys (Minus Justin lol)
And those are just the panels!!! Not even all of them. I also have panels for making a hollow book box, making a dice set bracelet, and a panel on gamemaster & writing (specifically bridging between being a gamemaster and being a writer, which is great for me, the writer who wants to gm at some point)
There's also going to be the merch room (so many DIIIIIICE) and assorted other open things. The biggest tabletop gaming convention in North America!!!!!!! I'm PUMPED!!!!!!!!!
#speculation nation#im still a little sad the critical role players wont be here this year. theyve attended in the past.#but that's ok!! still plenty of other things to do. and im excited about meeting the mcelroys in person hfkshfkd#actually a little nervous about that one. i havent been as interactive with their stuff in recent years#but im still an old TAZ fan and have enjoyed their stuff since 2016. that's so long ago!!!! i'm gonna die!!!!!#hfkshfkd my thursday is the most busy. 7 panels that day alone. out of a total of 15 across 4 days.#aka i have Almost half of all my panels just in one day. i will be a busy bee. thats why im gonna pack food lol.#im just vibrating. my first gencon!!! it's so exciting!!!#and im excited about getting personal experience with combat forms for enriching my action writing#and im excited about getting a preview for dice making bc that's smth ive wanted to get into for years now!!!!#and im also just thinking about how many Fucking dice there will be. my personal wonderland.#my sister mentioned that there will be a section for miniatures Specifically the maps that will be used in games later#which will be so fun to look at. i love looking at cool miniature models.#im going to be kind of obnoxious maybe hfkshfkd so im sorry if ppl dont care about my con happenings.#but i havent been to a convention since 2019 and i am EXCITED!!! WAHOO!!!!!!!
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it should be illegal to be this tired all the time and the consequence should be free speed. or meth? or having a court order to never get out of bed prior to 10 am. idk
#are those the same thing#whatever the cycle is like try to go to sleep at reasonable time such as 10:30-11 > lie awake for 30 mins to ?? hours depending on drugs#> eventually fall asleep but wake up circa 430-5 am (already bright outside) > catastrophize and get consumed by anxiety and other#mental illness for hour+ > maybe eventually fall asleep again > alarm goes off at 7:35 > hit snooze thrice > pry myself out of bed 20 mins#later than i should > spend day so tired i'm about to start crying > nap if i am lucky#any time i have to consistently be awake before like 9 or 10 am its like this regardless of how much sleep i get and its evil i want to die#unfortunately i'm the kind of person who needs 9-10 hours of sleep to feel normal and needless to say this doesn't happen unless i take a#sleeping pill. but watch out!#me
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old people really were raised on the idea that their descendants were just future caretakers for them and never fucking learned to think otherwise
#sorry grandma thinks i'm her therapist again#grandma takes everything i do for her for granted again#grandma overthinks literally every fucking aspect of her life and confuses the fanfic she made up about her relatives for reality again#like she's dead convinced nobody loves her and nobody does anything for her and nobody visits her and yadda yadda yadda#girl i can't be at your house every fucking day. i don't have a car. my mom's got a fucking job.#literally she never voices her god damn needs. she never says ''hey i need help with this'' or ''i'm not well could you do that for me''#we're just supposed to fucking use our telepathic powers we definitely have to Guess what she wants from us#and then when we don't succeed at that Easy Task it's our fault and she's so alone and nobody cares wah wah boohoo#and if you so much as breathe in a way that might maybe possibly indicate that you're a little bit in disagreement with her#or that you could potentially have some form of criticism or advice about her behavior she doubles the fuck down#you tell her ''calm down'' she hears ''SHUT UP NOBODY CARES YOU SHOULD JUST DIE''. those are definitely the same statement.#she fucking begged me to ask my therapist to start seeing her too. fucking 6-7 months later she's like#nooo i don't want to go anymore what's the poiiiiint#GIRL IVE BEEN GOING FOR 6 GOD DAMN YEARS.#IT TOOK ME 5 OF THOSE YEARS TO EVEN JUST -START- GETTING BETTER AND I WAS LESS DEPRESSED THAN YOU#IT'S NOT GONNA MAGIC AWAY IN 7 MONTHS !!!!#I'LL DRAG YOU THERE KICKING AND SCREAMING IF THAT'S WHAT IT TAKES BUT YOU'RE FUCKING GOING#*through gritted teeth* i love and care about you and want you to be well Stop getting in the way of me doing that
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Could a person with mental illness do THIS?
*spends 20 minutes trying to respond to a text, too anxious to commit to a first word such as "Hey" versus "Hi!" versus maybe a unique catchphrase I should incorporate into my personality like "Banjo bonjour!" or, if it would be more logical, "Bonjour banjo!"*
#🙃#its a specific person who i never really decided what kind of relationship we have#maybe she was technically one of my bosses? but we started on the same day and bonded over#trying to adjust super quickly and not make mistakes (or to learn from them very quickly) and then we#had some really nice chats about our lives and families and partners#so its like. we are casual coworker acquaintances and we are Girls Who Are Friends (im not sure if she#knew i was trans and nonbinary. i think she assumed i was a woman. but the way she perceived and interacted with my gender was comfy in a#very specific way that makes me feel Okay Being Seen As A Girl. it still doesnt feel like ME. but i can fit inside it without#contorting and hiding parts of myself. kinda like the pants i bought at goodwill that definitely didnt quite fit but#my wife hemmed them a bit and i could squeeze my butt into them if i held my breath and they were a great pair of work pants for $7#anyways lol she was like a peer/mentor/cool aunt's even cooler best friend/woman you sat next to at the ER one time and she felt like you'd#known her forever but it was probably just because it was 2:30AM and neither of you had slept and were both lowkey curious if you were gonna#die before getting medical help/drunk woman who accidentally says something you've needed to hear for the past decade. lol#so idk if its a “hello” situation or a “hiya” or a “hey sup” or what. :3 well there went another ten minutes while i#rambled in the tags. okay byyyyyye.#sorenhoots
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I’m not sure if the seasonal depression is hitting especially hard this year or if I’m just grieving for Mabel or if I’m finally going irreparably insane or if life/people is being unfair towards me or all of the above
#i cry super hard every day now. sometimes multiple times a day#sometimes something sets it off specifically (like arguing with my mom earlier)#but sometimes i just think about mabel too much and start sobbing#i thought i was okay. i mean i knew i wasn’t okay but i knew time would do its thing#the first few weeks were the worst but earlier this month i felt like i’d kind of plateau’d#like i was still sad but i could look at photos and videos and talk about her without crying. i was even laughing#now… now i can’t even think of her. again#it just feels so fucking unfair that i’ll NEVER see her again. like what the fuck do you mean. what do you MEAN#what do you mean i have to live out my whole life… god knows how fucking long i’ll live; and N E V E R see her again. shut the fuck up.#that’s so fucking unfair. and everyone else is okay. i’m like how can you POSSIBLY just go about your life#the best dog in the world is dead and she’s going to stay dead and i won’t see her again for however many fucking stupid cursed decades#i live and i might not even see her when i die. how the HELL am i supposed to be okay with that. is that a joke#and there’s a part of me that’s like ‘maybe i could adopt another dog’ but i don’t know#i think i’d feel better and worse at the same time. i wouldn’t feel so alone but they wouldn’t be mabel#i put in an application for a terrier that’s at a local rescue but if i don’t get him i’m not trying again. i’ll take it as a hint#cats aren’t an option btw i found out i’m allergic. which was brand new information.. i’ve been around cats that didn’t set my allergies#off at all. but i guess there’s a difference between spending an hour at your friend’s house who has one cat#and living 24/7 with a cat that gets fur and dander and saliva everywhere#and i don’t think other pets would suit me. i just don’t feel comfortable caring for any animal i haven’t done research on#i had hamsters when i was a teenager but… tbh never again. they are so much fun but i have anxiety dreams about them now#so it’s dogs (well.. one dog) or nothing#i do have plans to speak to my doctor about my depression btw because i genuinely find this unsustainable#like i do think it’s situational (seasonal/grief/everyone around me seeming to want to argue with me lately) but i still need#mood stabilisers while i’m in this situation lol#personal
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people are always saying grief gets easier to cope with over time, like you find ways to move forward and make peace with it. personally however I am special and not like other girls and have not yet found this to be the case. hahah maybe some day !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 😁✌️
#(<- clueless)#maybe they meant. more than like. 7 years? they should specify#i look forward to it!!! but i am starting to suspect. that they are lying 💖#it's not even just the loss like that's a given#more selfishly there's also this constant awareness that this will never ever end as long as i live#like nothing can undo this. there is no going back and this will follow me#every moment of every day until i die#it's such an absolute unambiguous type of hopelessness. it literally cannot get better#(<- normal 🖤)#dear diary
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Every time I read a fic in which a character is going out of town and needs someone to water their plants every day I'm like... tell me you've never kept a plant alive without telling me you've never kept a plant alive.
Like y'all, outside plants might need daily water but if you're watering your indoor potted plants every day they're going to get root rot and die.
#some might need daily misting i guess? maybe?#but probably not#idk i only keep heartier plants and i only water them maybe once a week#so if i go on vacation i just water them all ahead of time and don't worry about it#I've only had one plant die on me in the last 7 years#I've had my spider plant for 13 years#so not overwatering is actually helpful lol#the plants i can't keep alive are for sure ones that need more moisture#but every day watering would still be bad
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KADEEENNNN MY FAV DUDE, I just wanted to let you know that you’re honestly amazing and deserve the world, dude!!
You can always ramble to me about anything (your selfship, your s/i, media that you like etc) and I’LL ALWAYS BE HELLA INTERESTED FRFR!!
Either way, I wanted to ask you a silly lil question BUT what troupes do you think fit your selfship the best?
(Again, I seriously hope your day’s going well and I hope stuff gets better for you, you’re honestly the most amazing best friend I could ever ask for frfr)
htsdjfdhfjdgdfh explodes
i could not answer this right when i got on and that im so distracted lol but this is so SWEET scarlet ily /p
id love to ramble to you about literally anything but then i have a fear im being annoying or i just TALK TOO MUCH which like i guess is NORMAL BUT HSDJGDFGKDFHLFDH
i have so many things i wanna share to you abt my s/i tbh but fear and im like i will Never Say Words Ever </3
ok im getting so sidetracked here lol buuuuuut YOUR QUESTION ISNT SILLY ITS AWESOME i cannot think about it though bc i go insane <3
but i think the kadidave ship stems from friends / best friends to lovers (obvi), height differences (comfort purposes ftw), uh mutual pining perhaps, soulmates (i am a sucker for soulmates ok). ok i KNOW you said what fits my selfship BEST and i feel those are the right answers but id like to throw in hurt/comfort for funsies (aka i like angst) <- will think of more later on but these are the ones that come to me
(today has been a lot better than yesterday so i think its going well :] altho i dont want to jinx myself but its been a bit better! + youre so sweet <3)
#pov i say i will not ramble or w/e but then i do or something#i will never shut up i guess its fate#this is another question that will live in my brain until the day i die#ok THATS DRAMATIC BUT LIKE I LOVE THINKING ABOUT TROPES SO MUCH#i have others i personally rly rly like but wouldnt rly work for it#maybe they will later on who knows i sure as hell dont#SPEAKING OF SELF INSERTS ATM#id love to hear about yours </3#YOURS IS SO EPIC BTW#ok speaking of self inserts i be talking about mine or HELL EVEN YOURS and my brain goes#man im curious what the playlist looks like or#i need to show them the playlist#<- i have a music brain#sorry i talk about playlists 24/7 regardless even to myself so its bound to happen at some point#*grabs me and shakes me by the shoulders* kaden stop talking#ask <3#scarlet 🦀
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Suffering!! And death!!
#every day after 7 it gets Bad and i want to Die#kill me kill me kill me kill me kill#time for the alcohol and meds mix#pls ask me random stuff or send pics of your blorbos or rec me bands or movies or shows or yell about your ocs or ask me about my stuff#give me words to write some poetry based on idk maybe i'll try to work on your old fic requests later if i have the energy#mel talks#depressed bitch posting
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