#and make an effort to love her romantically
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leading up to the date
You have been very unlucky in love. You were a thoroughbred romantic but that definitely wasn't a good thing when it came to actual experiences.
You had been in quite a lot of relationships, none of which lasted more than six months. Now, here you were, at the ripe age of 30, wanting to finally settle down and have a consistent lovelife. But when has your plans ever worked out for you? With no potential partner and an exhausting dating scene, you were worn out.
So you decided to do what you do best. Watch rom-coms, cry over how perfectly the couples fit each other and have wine and pizza.
You got tipsy, more on the drunken side and a thought popped in your head. So you opened your email and did the one thing only a drunken desperate idiot would do. Send emails to every famous crush of yours to ask them on a date for one night. You were feeling generous so you also added that you will pay them $10000 for their troubles. You wrote a few of your conditions and it was a surprise that for a tipsy person, your email was well written.
…………………..
Three months had gone by and you had completely forgotten about what you had done. Honestly, when you woke up the next morning, you thought that either the people you emailed to will either spam it, delete it or laugh at it. So you laughed at how ridiculous it was and just went on with your days.
You were working from home that day, luckily, and things were going just fine. You were on a lunch break when you heard two pings from your email box. Thinking it must be work, you popped open to see your personal email had received two replies. The subject line glaring at you and your breath quickened.
You had received responses, on your three month old desperate email. By one Steve Rogers and one James Buchanan Barnes. They both had agreed to every terms and conditions and were asking when it would be okay to meet for the date.
You spent two days contemplating. Should you even agree? Did your drunken thoughts even matter? Even if you do agree, whom will you choose? You liked them both. Of course you didn't know them personally but their public presence has always attracted you to them in a way. They were the two men about whom you've daydreamt, occasionally with a vibrator but also, respectfully.
On the third day, you decided that it would be best to leave this decision on both of them. Make them choose who wants to stay for the date. Because you were really using up a lot of your money to pay one person. Why try and lose sleep when you can throw the ball in their court?
You opened their emails and sent them the exact same reply saying that they can meet this Saturday at your usual cafe and then plan from there. Surprisingly, you received both their replies within an hour agreeing.
………………….
Life had been very unforgiving to Steve and Bucky. While they did have women fawn over them, they were having a hard time dealing with the female fanbase.
Bucky tried it once, one night stand with a fan. It did not end well. She had to be dragged away by security and Bucky started questioning what went wrong. He withdrew completely. He did flirt but that was the end of everything. He called it healthy flirting, good to practice just like training.
Steve, after witnessing this, drew back even more. He had been in love with Peggy, still. Seeing Sharon, he saw hints of Peggy in her and so developed a relationship with her. It didn't end well. After just two months of trying, Steve found the relationship exhausting which it shouldn't. He talked to Sharon about it and they both deemed it best to end things while they were ahead. They were just colleagues now.
But one fine day, in the middle of the night, both of them received the same email. A random woman had asked them out on a date and was willing to pay them $10000 for their efforts. Well, not them together but individually.
They were sitting together when this happened. They found it ridiculous and joked about it. Later, bidding each other goodnight, when they were in the comfort of their own room, they both actually started thinking about the proposition.
They both asked FRIDAY, separately, privately, to look into this email. They wanted to make sure they were not being lured into something unknown. All they received was a photo of yours and very clean data. They started thinking about this more.
Finally, they both mustered the courage to email you back saying they agree. Both Bucky and Steve wanted to add that they don't need money but thought they will refuse the money once the date is over.
Steve never actually wanted to date again. He had his chance to go back to Peggy but he didn't want that either. He saw her life flourish and he wanted her to rest now. He said yes to your email mostly because he found it interesting. Also, it was for one day. It was a no strings attached offer and it will help him get his mind off of his stagnant love life.
Bucky found this entire thing funny. But he said yes regardless because he wanted to talk to the brilliant mind that came up with this. But somewhere, in the back of his mind, Bucky also thought that this idea of one day romantic excursion without expectations was titillating.
Steve and Bucky were having dinner together when they both received your email confirming their email and set up the day and time. They both pretended that there was something very important in their phone and agreed to meet you.
The rest of the week was torture for both of them. They wanted to tell each other about this thing but also wanted to hide because who in their right mind would agree to something like this?
They spent the rest of the week separate. The rest of the team found it weird but did not question it. They didn't want to get in the middle of whatever was going on.
As Saturday rolled by, Steve left almost two hours early for the date. He didn't want Bucky to ask questions. He went to a local florist and bought three pink roses for you.
Bucky also wanted to be sneaky so he waited till he heard nothing but silence to leave the compound. He went to a local florist and bought three pink roses for you.
#fanfiction#fluff#angst#bucky barnes x reader#bucky barnes imagine#fanfic#marvel fandom#bucky barnes#loverslodge#steve rogers x you#steve rogers imagine#steve rogers#steve rogers x reader#steve rogers fanfiction#steve x reader x bucky#steve x bucky#steve x reader#bucky x reader#bucky imagine#bucky x you#bucky fanfic#bucky x y/n#bucky x reader x steve#stucky x reader#stevebucky#stucky#steve rogers x bucky barnes
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SAAMMM! Why we really should be excited for Season 2 of Tomb Raider: The Legend of Lara Croft
Honestly, as exciting as it’s been to learn that a second season of Netflix animated series Tomb Raider: The Legend of Lara Croft is on the cards; that it will in fact feature a team-up between former best friends archaeologist Lara Croft (voiced by Hayley Atwell) and documentary filmmaker Sam Nishimura (Karen Fukuhara); and that their pairing will revive the decade-old Salara/S.S. Endurance ship regardless of how things actually pan out romantically for the young women…
The greatest thrill actually stems from the fact that Season 2’s first promotional image reveals Lara and Sam glaring at each other. No grateful reunions shown, there’s clearly a lot of unresolved tension between the duo. And with a mountain of issues to scale, it feels safe to say that there’s going to be a lot of meaty emotional content paired with the show’s globe-trotting action. As in Season 1.
Before jumping into that, though, it’s worth remembering that Tomb Raider: The Legend of Lara Croft is playing fast and loose with the lore established in the games (if you take Roth’s revised depiction as an indication), and apparently acting like the tie-in comics and novelisations don’t exist at all. It’s therefore unclear how much of existing canon will filter through into Season 2.
That said, we can assume the former best friends aren’t on speaking terms – even if the series chooses to ignore Sam’s off-screen psychiatric hospitalisation twice(!) for Himiko possession, and a kidnapping or two.
Officially, if we stick to the games alone, we know that in Rise of the Tomb Raider, Sam wouldn’t talk to Lara even if her doctors would let her. By the time of Shadow of the Tomb Raider, Sam is communicating with Jonah again, but Lara simply wasn’t returning her calls. At a certain point after that, we can assume Sam gave up on reconnecting if Lara wasn’t making the effort from her side.
So yes, Sam Nishimura has every reason to be pissed, for two very good reasons.
Lara Croft is a terrible friend
The whole of Season 1 of Tomb Raider: The Legend of Lara Croft is Lara learning to get over her isolating tendencies; to treat the people who care about her with simple respect, like actually asking for help instead of treating it as a given, and communicating her actions instead of simply running out on people.
With Sam, the ghosting has been especially brutal because out of all the Endurance crew, Lara’s bff experienced the most trauma on Yamatai next to our title hero. Sam was betrayed by both Mathias and Whitman, set up to be burnt on the stake, violated by the invading soul of Himiko, killed cultists in self-defence, and before all that, she pulled strings (via her wealthy treasure-loving uncle) to fund the expedition when investors pulled out. Lara may have provided the directions to the island, but trust fund baby Sam made it happen, making her as culpable for the deaths and disaster as Lara.
The two friends could have found solace in their shared experience, but Lara is so wrapped up in her own guilt and pain that she never once asks Sam how she’s doing. As Reyes jeers back on Yamatai, “It’s always about Lara.” Back then, Sam instantly replied with a “That’s not fair,” but a few years down the line, that reaction is probably no longer the case. This after the pair were clearly each other’s biggest cheerleader, their ride or die, believing in each other and supporting each other’s dreams – typically when no one else did.
It’s notable in Tomb Raider: The Legend of Lara Croft that Lara reacts with especial prickliness when Jonah tells her to talk to Sam instead of using him as a message middleman. As soon as Sam’s name comes up, Lara immediately cuts off the conversation and closes her manor door. And when Lara briefly does calls Sam in the season, it’s solely for her own cathartic purposes. Again, there’s no asking how Sam is doing; it’s all about the “I” that is Lara. As a far more empathetic, less emotionally stunted person, it’s likely Sam will have picked up on the friendship imbalance. And, as a less easy-going and patient figure than Jonah, it’s not a stretch to say that her resentment has been quietly building towards Lara. For very good reason.
Sam isn’t a damsel in distress
This is the biggie. Sam clearly has a chip on her shoulder about being considered useless or inconsequential in comparison to Lara. While the topic is the source of her biggest argument with Lara in the Dark Horse comics – in the Queen of Serpents arc – it even surfaces briefly in the 2013 game when, before a mishap with a mounted machine rifle, Sam is in the process of explaining how Lara isn’t the only one who can be helpful.
The thing is, while Sam may label herself “a ditsy American troublemaker with a camera” in one of the 2013 game’s collectible documents, the reality is that she has kept pace with Lara Croft for years. As equals.
We should never forget that Sam and Lara had multiple “awesome adventures together” in their college years – backpacking, hiking, climbing and exploring the world. And as much as she’s shown enjoying the finer things in life, Sam is revealed to be as serious about work as she relishes play, having already filmed in some of the world’s most extreme environments, including the Arctic, Red Desert and volcanic regions. This attitude, in combination with her extroverted party girl nature, actually positions Sam closer to Classic Lara than the latest iteration of the character.
In 2013, Sam escapes the sinking S.S. Endurance on her own, and later steals a radio to communicate with Lara. In every one of her appearances in Tomb Raider media, barring the Ten Thousand Immortals novel, she’s proven to be driven, spirited, brave and resourceful, whether she’s fighting off an attacker with cupcakes, sassing her itchy-palmed kidnappers, defending herself against a shark, or stabbing herself to finally escape the presence of Himiko (all in the comics). That last one is especially important as Sam ultimately saved herself; not Lara.
Sam’s master improviser and problem solver status is even apparent in the first released image for Tomb Raider: The Legend of Lara Croft Season 2. While Lara is fully kitted out to face whatever is behind the door, Sam seems to be wielding an oversize lock or something similar. If Lara is Fred Astaire, Sam is Ginger Rogers because she does what Lara does… but essentially backwards.
As for why Sam is investigating the black market artefact trade, well, it could be to make a point to Lara, who has consistently sidelined her since Yamatai. Or, it could simply be that Sam is following a great story, in keeping with her professional ambitions; her own hunger for the truth – which once again mirrors her best friend’s primary drives.
As a side note, as we don't hear the conversation, we do maybe have to question if Sam actually called Lara in the final episode of the S1? Though it's likely it was Sam (reaching out to her previous savior in desperation, knotted up in complicated emotions regarding her own capabilities), it could also be a trick from a third party to get the brilliant archaeologist on the case.
Either way, given that Sam and Lara have a very different dynamic to Lara and Jonah, with the latter providing protection, reassurance and stability, Season 2 of The Legend of Lara Croft should have quite a different tone. Get the popcorn ready because if Season 1’s deep dive into Lara’s psychology was any indication, we’re going to get front row seats to the resurfacing of all of Lara and Sam’s resentments and other… pent-up feelings. Finally, after over a decade of dodging the issue.
We just have to keep fingers crossed that they’re both alive and reunited in some capacity at the end of it all. If Indiana Jones and Nathan Drake can have figures like Marion, Sallah, Elena and Sully backing them up in their adventures in various capacities, why can’t Lara Croft?
#salara#lara croft#sam nishimura#samantha nishimura#tomb raider#sylvanas#s.s. endurance#tomb raider: the legend of lara croft
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"I hate to make orphans of your children Kirkland."
"Funny, I was going to say the same about your daughter."
Francis' family fled to England in 1791 as many noble families did at the onset of the French Revolution. Francis was close friends with Alasdair, and by extension he and Arthur interacted very frequently. Despite antagonism on both parts, the two grew fond of each other. Arthur especially grew attached and developed feelings for the older Francis (that were unrequited at the time). As such, Arthur was stung when Francis returned to France in 1800 and grew bitter at the perceived abandonment. Their relationship soured further when Francis married soon after and became focused on court life. It was around this time that Igraine, Arthur's mother, died as well. Being fourteen and himself, instead of dealing with his problems in a healthy and normal way, Arthur chose to join the navy.
Over the course of his time at sea Arthur had his four children and rose in the ranks of the British Navy, especially successful after returning to European waters. In the meantime, Francis had a daughter, Genevieve, and his wife died. Though the two initially exchanged letters, when the war between France and England became imminent, the relationship truly became broken.
By 1810, the two have become rivals so fierce they put Napoleon and Admiral Nelson to shame. The rivalry is all the more intense because of their shared past... and newer "tensions" that have developed between the two.
#hetalia#historical hetalia#regency au#my art#hws england#hws france#fruk#francis' daughter is monaco in case anyone was wondering#but yeah they both hate and love each other very much#it's a very big reason why arthur can't bring himself to settle down with emma#and make an effort to love her romantically#and she's aware of that (even if he isn't)
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oh sometimes i'm overcome with the realization of just how sentimental a bitch i am
like i really am straight up just playing make-believe with these characters like they're digital barbies
okay so in Iona's inventory, i've had this necklace
since very early in act 1.
it was in Aradin's chest at the Grove, and it was the first thing "we" managed to get with the "I distract them with conversation/busking and you steal everything that isn't nailed down" act/trick I had thought up for her and Astarion. I thought it'd be kinda cute for him to, at the end of this test run, present it with a ~theatrical flourish~ once just out of earshot of its original owner, and for her to ~graciously allow~ him to drape it around her neck, as a hamfisted and silly act of mock-courtship they both know is false. (it was kind of a... "we both know what this is all about and where it's headed, but wouldn't it be fun to play make-believe and pretend it's something entirely different" type of thing.)
I thought it'd be cute, if a touch bittersweet for her to keep it, just slotted away in her little "sentimental items" pouch, like.... next to the dog toy, her old wedding band, and the other useless junk she couldn't bring herself to throw away or sell.
and then today, i found this as I was selling stuff in the Glittering Gala.
it's the same design. and i like to describe Iona's eyes as "amber" when I write about them (they're kind of a reddish/yellowish, pretty medium brown). and she looks much better in golds and reds than she does in blues and silvers.
so. um.
guess who got this bloody thing "sneaked" into her inventory at the long rest.
if you think i won't 1.) exit a trading screen abruptly, 2.) switch controlled characters, 4.) buy a silly and utterly useless junk item AS that character (thought about just picking her pocket but.... we have 35k gold. why would i.), and 4.) keep it in that character's inventory until it "seems like" the PC isn't "paying attention", and then 5.) drop it into their inventory "unnoticed", all for LITERALLY NO GOOD REASON other than just to act out a silly little gesture and support the little fanfic in my head, well.
you'd be very wrong.
((and i was grinning and giggling downright embarrassingly the whole time too))
#squirrel plays bg3#oc: iona raedir#“astarion isn't the type to do romantic gestures” false#“he does big thoughtful acts of courtship and sweeps the pc off their feet” also false#it is my belief that he isn't the type to do Big Flashy Romantic Things#and is also not the type to be vocal about them#my headcanon is that he'll do the Big Declarations and Theatrical Displays when he's taking the piss in some way#as in he'll joke and play at- and exaggerate courtship when it's all for fun and show and means nothing or very little#but when it's supposed to actually MEAN something; when it's REAL; then the ways he shows love are both small#and done without fanfare or expecting acknowledgement#not even making the slightest effort to keep hands to themselves even in public is fun of course; but the love?#that's in... a pilfered piece of that fruit she likes found randomly in her pack. a swift dagger batting aside a blade meant for her ribs#a small scratch of a pen's tip subtly marking a sweet passage in the book she “borrowed” from him#or in this case; it's something that she found among her things and put on without making a fuss about it#at least not beyond a knowing glance shared; a soft smile exchanged; and her fingers absently fiddling with the stones throughout the day#if she wasn't wearing the guidance-amulet (useful) i'd probably actually equip it on her like i did the silver one for the longest time ngl#because like i said; i'm a sentimental bitch playing make-believe with my little toys
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still thinking about how pike is a way better love interest than angel (and spike) and should have followed buffy to sunnydale.... mentally rewriting buffy season 1
#xander and willow and giles are still there in the rewrite but angel is Not. i simply do not care#xander is jealous of pike and wiloe thinks hes cool. and a little scary#pike doesnt go to sunnydale high w them but drops by after school on his bike to visit buffy#and he joins her for hunts every night but also ! he makes an effort to support her in wanting to be a normal girl and -#- and showing up for like her cheerleading stuff even tho its not his scene and he doesnt get it or like these people#but he gets that its Important to buff and he really likes her (just like how he showed up at the dance for her in the movie)#anyway i think he dies in the season 1 finale trying to protect buffy from the master#both bc i think thats something that he would do/would happen bc of his feelings and being human#and also because i recognize that a Big Part of the show is that buffy Cant have Good Lasting romantic relationships#but i think pike would have been sooooo good to have around and have as her love interest in the show#someone who knew buffy before sunnydale and already knows that shes the slayer and is enthusiastic about her saving the world from vampires#and actively helps her w that bc hes not scared. and also knew merrick#and also makes an effort to support buffys wants/needs to be normal WHILE ALSO being like hey. i know you dont want to be the slayer and you#and you want to be a normal girl. but youre not and youre the only one who can do this and youre AMAZING so come on. well do it together#buffy the vampire slayer#op
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Unconditional
(Rant/Analysis in tags)
#midnight doodle? midnight doodle#i can't sleep but this one's very pretty. wanna share#crazy how fast ran gets attached to sara. looks like a simple crush at first but its clear that his feelings for her aren't purely romantic#he notices how much effort she puts into carrying the group and the toll it takes on her#and for a reason I cant quite decipher he desperately wants to take that weight off her shoulders#saviour complex? maybe a way to make up for his past life. he did say he regrets not making friends and living to the fullest#the guy tries to better himself but fails to go about it the right way (socially awkward tingz i guess lol)#still#sad that sara takes advantage of that in the logic route#go girlboss but damn dont do the boy like that#rip ranmaru you wouldve loved mcr and panic! at the disco#yttd#ranmaru kageyama#sara chidouin#paperclip draws#btw correct me if I got sumn wrong cuz i might jus be spouting bull rn#its like 1 AM so im smooth-brained#cw knife
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Why Kenny is so loved and David is so hated?
This question's been in my inbox forever because I didn't know how to answer it... and I still don't tbh
Kenny's a more established character. We've known him longer, he's has a stronger connection to Lee and Clementine, and the Kenny crowd are ride or die for him. When we first meet him in S1 ep1, we get the impression of a decent family man dedicated to his family, and then he goes through a roller-coaster of tragedy and character development.
David, on the other hand, is only in one game... a game that a lot of fans consider the worst installment in the series. We don't have enough time with him, and even though he has a strong connection to Javi as his older brother, players aren't attached to Javi, they're attached to Clementine. You know how this works- if Clementine no like, then we no like >:[ and Clementine no like David. Therefore, David bad.
And to be fair, she does have legit reasons for not liking him, but that just gives the player all the more reason to dislike him.
So even though I would consider David the "Kenny" of ANF, most people who loved Kenny still labeled David an asshole even though there is an interesting parallel there... which he is an asshole, but he's an interesting asshole... he just wasn't given the proper development like Kenny was.
I've said before that David is a "problematic fave" of mine, and I do hesitate to double down on that just yet. I haven't replayed ANF in forever and who knows, perhaps my opinion on him has changed like it has for a few other characters so I don't want to be like "and I still stand by the fact that David's my favorite, he's a bitch and I love him!" until I'm sure I actually feel that way, y'know?
If I had to give you my best answer, anon, it'd be that Kenny's better established and David's thrown in, the games explore Kenny's issues more thoroughly than David's, and lots of people hate ANF but love S1 and S2.
Though now that we're talking about David, I'm curious if I'll still feel the same way about his and Javi's relationship throughout the game. I was always more interested in the brother relationship over Javi's romance with Kate. I wanted a brothers reconciling storyline from ANF, and I did get that storyline done well in another game [surprise to no one, it's Dragon Age 2, Carver is my bitchy baby brother and I love him so much] and I have a feeling that's going to affect my overall opinion.
Sigh, add it to the to-do list, one day I'll revisit ANF.
#asks#twdg kenny#twdg david#twdg javi#twdg clementine#answering this makes me want to do a garcia brothers vs hawke brothers comparison tbh#because i mean... david and carver are both soldiers who always felt overshadowed by their siblings#especially in feeling like their father favored the other over them and it made them bitter and caused tension in the relationship#and it takes effort on the players part to repair the relationship#hell you can romance the person they're romantically interested in.... though to be fair merrill isn't carver's wife#they never actually get together but it's pretty clear that he's interested in her#and i can say with confidence that carver won't beat you with a wrench if you romance her and he comes around to supporting you two#like the big difference is there's never any doubt that carver loves you no matter what path his story takes#david on the other hand tries to kill you with a wrench no matter what and then he runs away with gabe#and if you manage to keep him alive he's just like 'yeah that's my bad sorry bro do you think dad would be mad at me if he were here?'#so david and carver have surface level similarities but they differ at their core#....and i guess that's my tag ted talk about why carver good and david bad sksksksksks#i'm so sorry sksksks
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Breakfast together 🥛🥞☺️💖
#love how Kaito puts so much effort to make sure Akiho's day starts off positively#he didn't need such an extravagant setup but still laid out a fancy plate of 🍊🍎🍇 and lit the friggin' 🕯️and everything#that's literally ✨HUSBAND MATERIAL✨#boy your romantic side is always showing around her~ 😆💕#shinomoto akiho#yuna d. kaito#yunaaki#akiyuna#my YunaAkiMomo gifs#🕰️🌾🐇
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it’s so funny to think about orc and astrid hanging out in fear and light bc now it’s orc who’s lowkey committed to ensuring astrid’s redemption through religious means and astrid who’s the jaded and depressed ex-christian who thinks she’s beyond saving bc she killed an innocent child
#granted astrid didn’t ever make a conscious effort to help orc bc he had to help himself#i think orc would#i think he’d try to help her in any way he could#even though he’s become an earnest Christian i think he’d respect her atheism/agnosticism#he might resent it a little just bc it conflicts so much with his new beliefs#but ultimately he just wants to save her like she saved him#even though she didn’t mean to and it was all mostly in his own head#still!#i love imagining them hanging out together#a true odd couple#astrid sees her old innocence in orc and wants to nurture/protect that#despite her jadedness she’s a romantic soul#and orc just wants her to have the same spiritual satisfaction he’s gained#idk what activities they’d do together though#gone series#michael grant#the gone series#fayz#fayzian#astrid ellison#charles merriman#the fayz
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why did the anime and the fandom reduce uraraka to just being in love with deku??
the recent chapters have truly made me fall in love with her character but im watching the anime and everything is so,, like it’s honestly whiplash
every pivotal moment for her character is because she likes deku. I loved the scene of her jumping to save him and it flashed to her family and her newfound motives. I loved to see her character being more than Deku. I loved that growth and though I was disappointed when it started mentioning Deku, I realized he was important to her growing and who she is as a person. (Although I love the manga for expanding her character past her admiration for him)
And the moment they had together as they fell was genuinely touching,, there was no blushing, no over the top crush, it was real concern and care. I loved it. It made me forget all of the obnoxious belittling of her character and made me realize that they can be together without force. It was so simple and meaningful.
The anime can make jokes that don’t include uraraka blushing! They can write an interaction between these two that shows not tells. Her immediately rushing to calm him down because she knew he lost control. The way she slapped him like how she saved him in the entrance exam and then asked if it hurt. The soft smile on her face when she asked if he was okay. The way she holds him steady as he stumbles to get footing.
It’s all so subtle. And it’s so refreshing after so much insufferable time the anime puts into pointing and screaming Uraraka likes Deku. Gosh it’s such a good moment aaa
But then it went back to cheapening her character and continuing to push her towards this arc of mundanity. She wants to be a hero that helps people!!! LET HER BE THAT!! goodness gracious stop making every single thing she does go back to deku. STOP CIRCLING BACK TO WHERE SHE STARTED ANIME PLEASEEEE
#i also don’t like that it keeps focusing on her things with deku when she is more than that#it’s so frustrating#because I love her#but at the same time they keep reminding me she likes deku every second and it turned me away from her character years back#I love her now but god the problem is still bugging me#and it makes me roll my eyes every time they have a scene together#even if it’s genuine#but I wish that wasn’t the case#because I think these two would be great together (platonically or romantically)#but I just can’t with the poor writing of forcing a relationship that is so one-sided?? or at least not as important to deku#like they need to pick a side with her#either go the heart wants what the heart wants no matter what approach that could tie back to deku and shinsou#or let her let him go like she keeps saying she’s going to#I would like the latter but at least the former would give a coherent understanding of her character and motivations#like why does deku and bakugou and todoroki and iida get to have complex relationships and motives and wants#and explanations and thought and writing put into those while also having time and effort put in#while Uraraka is be in love with deku or be like deku#she is MORE THAN DEKU OH MH FUCKING GOD I CANT WITH THIS SHOW#LET HER BE HER OWN WOMAN AND LET HER THINK FOR HERSELF WHAT IS WITH ALL THE GIRLS THINKING OF WHAT THE BOYS WOULD DO IN THEIR SITUATION#why can’t she have a moment of inspiration and then imbede that into her personal story and ambitions instead of making everything about him#they didn’t make todoroki like this so why did they do this to her#grrrr bark bark#im just upset ig that such an intriguing character that grows to be a person for the people has to have every action because of deku#she is great and I really like the direction her character is going and I wouldn’t mind them being endgame#but as the writing is now#I kinda don’t like this forced romance that could be so nuanced and powerful if it put in the effort and time that I know hori can do#bnha#bnha uraraka#izuocha#bnha critical
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Am I aroace or have I just been awake too long?
#rav speaks#its 2am and im listening to a mix of twice aqourus and J-metal girl bands while questioning everything in my life#anyway do people actually feel the way they describe in romance songs??#like idk ive had like 3 crushes in my life but like i dont think i could actually see myself in a relationship?#so either im aro or like I just have trouble imagining a relationship becuase ive been single my whole life#its like how sex is pretty interesting to me and id be down for it in theory but i cant see myself actually doing it#interesting in a im curious if its really all that people make it out to be#cuz it seems prettyyyy boring to me lol#specially since lesbo sex apparently takes agessss and i know for a fact i would not let a dick get anywhere close to me#anyway off topic#im trying to figure out if the way i feel about romantic relationships is the same way i feel about sex#like in theory id love to have a gf and like do datey things but like it seems like so much effort to get to that stage#got a dating app and im barely on it because ive realised i dont really want to actually talk to anyone#and like i was meant to meet up with someone today who when i first started talking to on said app i was like kicking my feet and blushing#but i noticed that im starting all the convos and decided i was just like fed up of that whats the point of trying to get to know someone#if they arent interested yknow. like they were meant to get a bus to my city and i was hoping they would just like tell me a bus time#and we'd go from there but nothing. so im just like. over it#and i feel like thsts probably not really how crushes really work?#its like i had a bit of a crush on a girl in my classes but once exam season hot and i stopped seeing her so regaually i just kinda forgot#i think she might be in 1 or w of my classes this term so maybe talking to her again will relight that but im prettyyyy sure shes staight#so prpbs better to loose the feels anyway#this is just a rambling mess now i really need to sleep#Maybe I'll figure myself out eventually but for now im gonna stick with grey aro cuz i think thst makes the most sense?#unless there are other micro aro lables i dont knoe of (very likely)#at least i know I'll always be an asexual lesbian even if i dont know if ill ever actually date girls#honestly life would be so much easier if i jsut loved my bestfriend it wojld be so cool if we could be in romantic feeling together but#alas we tried dating for lkke a week and i avoided her the whole time cuz i felt a deep deep sence of wrongness lol#its like again in theory i could see us as a great gf duo like if i was watching our lives as a show id be shipping us#but in practice its njst wrong#if anyone actually reads all of this you get a reward of uhh 🦎 goodnight!!
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Title: Cherry Red.
Pairing: Yandere!Gojo x Reader x Yandere!Geto (JJK).
Written in conjunction with this ask from @eevwrites.
Word Count: 1.9k.
TW: Non/Con, Fem!Reader, Nonconsensual Drug Use, Implied Stalking, Kidnapping, Obsessive Behavior, Overstimulation, Biting/Marking, and Slight Dehumanization.
Really, your only mistake had been choosing the wrong savoir after Satoru had slipped something into your drink.
Satoru was obviously, visibly, undeniably a creep. That much was obvious from the second he approached you, neon pink cocktail in-hand and that degenerate grin plastered across his lips. He was sketchy, but he was also rich, and fun, and willing to dance with you hours after the rest of your friends had called it a night. Suguru wasn’t a creep – or, he didn’t look like one, at least. When your vision started to darken, when it became harder than it should’ve been to put one foot in front of the other, it was his chest you stumbled into, using what was left of your consciousness to beg an imposing, aloof stranger to get the bartender’s attention and help you. It was what anyone else would’ve done. It was what you would’ve done, if the roles had been reversed.
It wasn’t until you felt his arm wrap around your waist, until you heard him call so lovingly to Satoru, that you realized how badly you’d fucked up.
Still, stumbling halfway across the club and throwing yourself at a total stranger must've attracted some attention. As Suguru gathered you in his arms, the bartender rounded towards you, eyeing your limp form and Suguru's slight smile warily. “Someone had little too much to drink,” he explained, nonchalantly. “It’s fine. Her boyfriend and I are going to take her home and make sure she gets tuck her in.”
‘Your boyfriend’ being Satoru, apparently, judging by the way he clung to Suguru’s side as you were carried out of the club entirely and piled into the backseat of an inconspicuous black car. Suguru drove and Satoru hovered over you – gnawing hickeys and bruises into your throat until you were too far gone to care.
Whatever they’d dosed you with, it was strong. You were strung out for most of the ride, only vaguely aware of passing scenery, Satoru’s keening whines, and Suguru’s gentle reminders to ‘wait, ‘toru’. By the time you felt your body being lifted, you were beyond the point of deliberate movement – your mind hyperactive, eager to latch onto every little sensation and spiraling thought, but unable to do much more than remind you to breath as you were hauled through a shrine courtyard and into a small, dimly lit backroom; the priest’s personal barracks, if you had to guess. Satoru babbled while Suguru lowered you onto a large, plush bed, and despite your best efforts, you caught most of it. “—and that’s when I knew it had to be you.” Suguru spared you an apologetic smile, his nimble hands moving over your body as he carefully removed your dress, then your shoes, then your panties, stripping you bare with all the care and all the tenderness of an avid collector undressing his favorite doll. “I mean, it took a few months, but I wanted it to be romantic, y’know? Suguru doesn’t get it. He thought I’d be happy with just anyone.”
“It took me a while to come around the idea. I might’ve gotten a little jealous.” You could only wish he would’ve stayed that away. “Come here, I need to show you what you’re doing.”
Suguru dragged you into his lap, keeping your upper body propped against his chest while spreading your legs apart in front of him. Satoru took his position eagerly between then, his eyes fixed on your cunt. “This,” he started, using two thick fingers to spread the folds of your labia apart, “is what you’re gonna fall in love with. Make sure you’re always paying attention to her clit – aw, look, it’s already poking out.”
It was humiliatingly clinical – how he touched you while explaining your anatomy in-detail, using the pad of his thumb to show Satoru how to play with your clit, dipping two fingers into your entrance while extrapolating on the importance of proper preparation, gathering your arousal up to make sure Satoru knew what it would look like when he was doing a good job. “Remember to be gentle. She’s going to be a lot more delicate than me,” he said, while curling two fingers inside of you, filling the bedroom with a rhythmic, humiliatingly wet sound. Your couldn't seem to open your mouth, and yet, little whimpers of discomfort and mewls of pleasure escaped your parted lips without resistance, each new noise drawing Satoru that much closer. “You’ll just be using your mouth, for now. We can talk about hands once you’ve shown some restraint.”
And yet, Satoru’s hands still found their way to your thighs, kneading mindlessly while Suguru split you open on his fingers. You tried to shake your head, to squirm against him, to tell him to stop, but the closest you got to anything coherent was a pitchy, keening sound not totally dissimilar to the whines Satoru would let out every now and then as he ground half-consciously into the mattress. You tried not to feel anything, either, but Suguru’s hands were so big, and his chest was so warm against your back, and with Satoru all-but drooling over your pussy, it would’ve been impossible not to come undone the second his palm ground against your clit and he spread his fingers apart inside of you, nursing you through your orgasm while making sure you were on fully-display. “See how she’s clenching down? That means she’s trying to milk your cock – you’ll get what I mean, once your inside of her.”
If only for a moment, your panic overshadowed your paralysis. Thrashing to either side, you did your best to fight against Suguru’s ironclad hold and finally spit something out, even if your voice was still barely stronger than a whimper. “N-No, don’t, you can’t—”
It was Satoru who cut you off, this time, albeit without breaking his nonverbal streak. His mouth crashed into yours with enough force to bruise, teeth clashing against yours as he shoved his tongue down your throat in less of a kiss and more of a prolonged attempt to choke you to death. It hurt, and you tasted blood, and if you hadn’t known better, than you would’ve thought this was his first���
Oh, god.
As if this couldn’t have gotten any worse.
He didn’t stay focused on your mouth for long. His attention drifted downward – first to your throat, then your collarbone, then your chest, latching onto one of your nipples and sucking harshly. You hadn’t realized how sensitive you were, not until his teeth dug into the plush of your breast and you let out a fractured sob, tears blurring your vision. Suguru’s response was instantaneous. In a fraction of a second, his slick-stained fingers were tangled in Satoru’s hair, prying him off of you entirely. “Gentle,” he repeated, his tone strict, authoritative. “Before I decide you need to be muzzled.”
For what it was worth, Satoru seemed apologetic. After Suguru loosened his hold, he nuzzled into your chest, lapping over his past love bites with the flat of his tongue. “’m sorry, just got excited.” And then, smiling up at you, “You didn’t mind, right? I mean, she definitely doesn’t.”
You had no idea what he was talking about, not until his head dropped to your cunt and he buried his face between your thighs, his attention suddenly solely dedicated to your pussy.
There was no attempt made to use his hands. Despite Suguru’s instructions, he ate you out like a starving animal – his tongue fucking into your cunt as the bridge of his nose ground mindlessly against your clit. Suguru kept his hand in Satoru’s hair, petting gingerly over his scalp as he watched Satoru drool and lap at your cunt. “Use your entire tongue, and don't inhale. She’s not going to be impressed if you manage to drown yourself in pussy.” Suguru tugged lightly, and Satoru let out an unabashed moan, the reverberations going straight to your core. “Don't get distracted, either. Don’t you want to know what she tastes like cumming on your tongue?”
Another moan, another rough buck of Satoru’s hips into the now disheveled sheets. He was terrible, and messy, and loud, and it was humiliating how quickly you lost control of yourself – going stiff against Suguru as Satoru all-but tore your second climax out of you. Suguru grinned against your throat, almost purring with satisfaction. “Good boy. So dedicated, so sweet.” He let go of Satoru’s hair – cupping your face, instead. It was only as his thumb traced over your cheek that you realized you were crying in-earnest, now. “She’s tearing up, ‘toru. That means she wants you to keep going.”
A mix of your arousal and his saliva stained the inside of your thighs, dampening the sheets underneath you, but he didn’t pull away – too caught up in your taste or Suguru’s praise to stop. It might’ve been the overstimulation, or the drugs, or some impossible, nebulous factor you couldn’t so much as begin to guess as, but time seemed to blur together, reality buckling under its own weight as Satoru wrung another orgasm out of you, then another, then another, as Suguru continued to shower him with praise and affection and promises that you liked him, that you wanted this, that you were only crying and thrashing and trying to snap your thighs shut because you felt so good. At some point, you lost the will to keep your eyes open, and minutes later, the harsher edges of your consciousness began to soften. For once, you couldn't be mad at your own body's instinctual submission.
You knew you were going to black out, but you weren't scared. By the time your vision flickered out and everything went black, the only thing you could think to be was grateful that you’d be fortunate enough to miss the main event.
~
You woke up what felt like days later, still lying on the bed you’d blacked out in. Their paralytics had worn off, but trying to make a run for it was out of the question. Every part of your body ached – from your hickey-painted chest to your aching hips to your poor, abused pussy – and even if you’d been able to move, it wouldn’t have done you much good. Familiar bodies caged you in on either side, Suguru’s chest still pressing into your back while Satoru clung to your chest, his arms wrapped around your midriff and his nails embedded in your sides. As if you hadn't already been thoroughly marked.
Suguru stirred first, predictably. It wasn’t hard to tell who was in charge between the two of them. “Our little sleeping beauty,” he muttered into your hair, kissing the top of your head as he sat up and shook Satoru away. “We were starting to get worried – must’ve pushed you too hard last night. You almost missed the most important part.”
Something caught in your throat. “…almost?”
“Yes, princess, almost.” With a groan, Satoru sat up, blinking the sleep out of his eyes. Immediately, his gaze fell to you, and just as quickly, he was on top of you – pinning you to the mattress, hiding his face in the crook of your neck. “You should be thankful that Satoru had the patience to wait. I wouldn’t have been so nice.”
You felt Satoru’s hands paw at your thighs, wrapping your legs around his waist as he aligned his stiff, leaking cock with your entrance. He moved enthusiastically, but mechanically, like a trained dog. Like he was following instructions. Weakly, you tried to push at his chest, to get him away from you, but you gave up quickly.
You’d been wrong to be grateful. It would’ve been better to get this over with last night.
At least, then, you might’ve been out of it enough to miss the twisted, blissful, lovesick grin painted across Satoru’s lips as he buried himself inside of you.
#yandere#yandere x reader#yandere imagines#yandere jujutsu kaisen#yandere x you#yandere jjk#jujutsu kaisen#jujutsu kaisen x reader#jjk x reader#jjk imagines#jujutsu kaisen imagines#yandere gojo satoru#gojo satoru x reader#yandere geto suguru#geto suguru x reader
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If you put Fran in a social situation she's not adequately prepared for, you're going to lose points with her. Fran is at her best socially when she's had time to script and prepare herself for dealing with more than one or two people at a time in a non-structured environment (ie. not actively bleeding on her table). Obviously there are instances where Fran knows without being told that she'll be interacting with a group (when she is on rotation, for example) and will arrange a plan accordingly for what she should or should not say/ask during her time there.
However, if you ask her to hang out and don't specify it's going to be with a group of people, she's likely to grow uncomfortable and stressed, because she hasn't been given the time or information to prepare for dealing with more than the person she's anticipated being around. On-the-fly interactions in large groups can be especially hard for her, as overlapping conversations can tip her into sensory overload when she's already worn out from trying to anticipate different levels of familiarity and what is or isn't an appropriate response.
Frankly, she's just not that confident in her ability to "read the atmosphere" and has a limited social battery for interactions outside of the small number of people who make her feel comfortable one-on-one. Small talk frustrates her, it's hard to hold eye contact and listen to what's being said a lot of the time, and she struggles to express herself outside of fields of interest she has confidence in her knowledge of. One-on-one, she might be able to pivot and redirect attention to the other person to mask her nerves about performing "poorly" in a conversation, but in groups the pressure of having her conversation with someone observed and judged can make her incredibly anxious that she's doing something wrong without realizing it. This isn't to say Fran can't enjoy being in a group, but it's difficult for her to thread the needle when she doesn't know what she's getting into ahead of time--especially if she's expected to socialize a lot and not just hang back and listen.
Again, warning her ahead of time of the number of people gathering and who will be there can help mediate this to some degree and make her more comfortable, and it is absolutely a gesture that she will consider you fondly for.
#headcanons.#fran haaaates making small talk with no purpose ESPECIALLY with people she doesn't know well#(she can and will do it. it just takes conscious effort and wears her out. it's boring. ask for a weird medical fact instead please.)#so group gatherings are um. kind of a nightmare!#if you are in the ~2% of people fran is relatively comfortable around and you leave her in a social gathering#to talk to someone across the room at length. you have betrayed her terrible.#on the flip side if u tell fran the entire plan of the social gathering ahead of time and offer an exit strategy#she might fall in love with you a little bit (platonically. romantically. who knows. but u have risen in the frankings (fran rankings)#ANYWAYS finally kicking my own ass into putting all this stuff into posts and not just keeping it in my head lmao
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guys, I have a feeling I might be in love...
#morningtalks#FUCK#but it's weird I don't really know how the feelings go.#I know I have strong feelings for this girl. we met this week for a summer course of Greek and she was so fun. we walked back to the train#station a few times together and she's so cool. it also definitely helped that we had to go to the same place but yeah. she's cool and fun#and I want to be her friend. I want to spend time with her and share wonderful moments alongside her. I want to help her learn her Greek#I want to be able to just randomly send her a message and laugh for no reason. I want to just be able to be with her even if we don't talk#I want to spend time with her. to get to know her better and because she's so wonderful. i know I have those feelings and that they're stro#but I don't know if i'd want romantic things with it. I want to be her friend. I really do. but if it became romantic maybe i'd feel comfy#or maybe not and that's kinda the thing that makes it slightly hard to tell the difference.#my feelings are so strong and they are the same as when i'm romantically in love with someone. it's exactly the same feelings#but I don't think i'd want this to become romantic now#the course ended today so we're not going to see each other anymore bu i'll try to stay in contact with her#because I feel like she'd be worth the effort to have in my life. She does truly seem like a fun person.#maybe I could ask er once if she's up to meet somewhere. i'll probably be the one taking the train to spare her the effort for once#but yeah. we'll see#what's sure is that I Definitely have feelings for her
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In the past I've shared other people's musings about the different interpretations of the myth of Orpheus and Eurydice. Namely, why Orpheus looks back at Eurydice, even though he knows it means he'll lose her forever. So many people seem to think they've found the one true explanation of the myth. But to me, the beauty of myths is that they have many possible meanings.
So I thought I would share a list of every interpretation I know, from every serious adaptation of the story and every analysis I've ever heard or read, of why Orpheus looks back.
One interpretation – advocated by Monteverdi's opera, for example – is that the backward glance represents excessive passion and a fatal lack of self-control. Orpheus loves Eurydice to such excess that he tries to defy the laws of nature by bringing her back from the dead, yet that very same passion dooms his quest fo fail, because he can't resist the temptation to look back at her.
He can also be seen as succumbing to that classic "tragic flaw" of hubris, excessive pride. Because his music and his love conquer the Underworld, it might be that he makes the mistake of thinking he's entirely above divine law, and fatally allows himself to break the one rule that Hades and Persephone set for him.
Then there are the versions where his flaw is his lack of faith, because he looks back out of doubt that Eurydice is really there. I think there are three possible interpretations of this scenario, which can each work alone or else co-exist with each other. From what I've read about Hadestown, it sounds as if it combines all three.
In one interpretation, he doubts Hades and Persephone's promise. Will they really give Eurydice back to him, or is it all a cruel trick? In this case, the message seems to be a warning to trust in the gods; if you doubt their blessings, you might lose them.
Another perspective is that he doubts Eurydice. Does she love him enough to follow him? In this case, the warning is that romantic love can't survive unless the lovers trust each other. I'm thinking of Moulin Rouge!, which is ostensibly based on the Orpheus myth, and which uses Christian's jealousy as its equivalent of Orpheus's fatal doubt and explicitly states "Where there is no trust, there is no love."
The third variation is that he doubts himself. Could his music really have the power to sway the Underworld? The message in this version would be that self-doubt can sabotage all our best efforts.
But all of the above interpretations revolve around the concept that Orpheus looks back because of a tragic flaw, which wasn't necessarily the view of Virgil, the earliest known recorder of the myth. Virgil wrote that Orpheus's backward glance was "A pardonable offense, if the spirits knew how to pardon."
In some versions, when the upper world comes into Orpheus's view, he thinks his journey is over. In this moment, he's so ecstatic and so eager to finally see Eurydice that he unthinkingly turns around an instant too soon, either just before he reaches the threshold or when he's already crossed it but Eurydice is still a few steps behind him. In this scenario, it isn't a personal flaw that makes him look back, but just a moment of passion-fueled carelessness, and the fact that it costs him Eurydice shows the pitilessness of the Underworld.
In other versions, concern for Eurydice makes him look back. Sometimes he looks back because the upward path is steep and rocky, and Eurydice is still limping from her snakebite, so he knows she must be struggling, in some versions he even hears her stumble, and he finally can't resist turning around to help her. Or more cruelly, in other versions – for example, in Gluck's opera – Eurydice doesn't know that Orpheus is forbidden to look back at her, and Orpheus is also forbidden to tell her. So she's distraught that her husband seems to be coldly ignoring her and begs him to look at her until he can't bear her anguish anymore.
These versions highlight the harshness of the Underworld's law, and Orpheus's failure to comply with it seems natural and even inevitable. The message here seems to be that death is pitiless and irreversible: a demigod hero might come close to conquering it, but through little or no fault of his own, he's bound to fail in the end.
Another interpretation I've read is that Orpheus's backward glance represents the nature of grief. We can't help but look back on our memories of our dead loved ones, even though it means feeling the pain of loss all over again.
Then there's the interpretation that Orpheus chooses his memory of Eurydice, represented by the backward glance, rather than a future with a living Eurydice. "The poet's choice," as Portrait of a Lady on Fire puts it. In this reading, Orpheus looks back because he realizes he would rather preserve his memory of their youthful, blissful love, just as it was when she died, than face a future of growing older, the difficulties of married life, and the possibility that their love will fade. That's the slightly more sympathetic version. In the version that makes Orpheus more egotistical, he prefers the idealized memory to the real woman because the memory is entirely his possession, in a way that a living wife with her own will could never be, and will never distract him from his music, but can only inspire it.
Then there are the modern feminist interpretations, also alluded to in Portrait of a Lady on Fire but seen in several female-authored adaptations of the myth too, where Eurydice provokes Orpheus into looking back because she wants to stay in the Underworld. The viewpoint kinder to Orpheus is that Eurydice also wants to preserve their love just as it was, youthful, passionate, and blissful, rather than subject it to the ravages of time and the hardships of life. The variation less sympathetic to Orpheus is that Euyridice was at peace in death, in some versions she drank from the river Lethe and doesn't even remember Orpheus, his attempt to take her back is selfish, and she prefers to be her own free woman than be bound to him forever and literally only live for his sake.
With that interpretation in mind, I'm surprised I've never read yet another variation. I can imagine a version where, as Orpheus walks up the path toward the living world, he realizes he's being selfish: Eurydice was happy and at peace in the Elysian Fields, she doesn't even remember him because she drank from Lethe, and she's only following him now because Hades and Persephone have forced her to do so. So he finally looks back out of selfless love, to let her go. Maybe I should write this retelling myself.
Are any of these interpretations – or any others – the "true" or "definitive" reason why Orpheus looks back? I don't think so at all. The fact that they all exist and can all ring true says something valuable about the nature of mythology.
#mythology#greek mythology#orpheus#eurydice#orpheus and eurydice#analysis#interpretations#adaptations#long
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Hiii!! Could I request a bombshell reader x Spencer where someone (a local police maybe) says something rude to her about her appearance or something and normally it doesn’t really get to her, but something snaps and she kinda shuts down/is rude to Spencer until he coaxes it out of her? Sorry it’s long I had an idea and ran w it loollll
ty for requesting angel! confident fem!reader, 1k
Spencer shouldn’t expect his colleague to hold his hand, especially one so confident. What sense would that make, a woman as established as you are, who smiles without a lick of worry nor smugness, wanting to hold his hand?
But you do it all the time, is the thing. In the car on the way to crime scenes, in the hallways of the office, under the round table. It started as a tethering for his distractedness, when one day he’d wanted to talk but hadn’t had the presence of mind to walk at the same time, so you’d taken his hand and led him to the office. You’ve been taking it at your discretion ever since.
Spencer knows something is wrong —you haven’t tried to hold his hand all day. And even if you aren’t interested in him romantically, Spencer has come to crave the touch. He’ll accept platonic hand holding. Anything, really.
“You’re staring very deeply, Dr. Reid,” you mutter, shades from your usual lightness.
“I’m thinking.”
“Aren’t you always?”
“About you.”
“Well,” you smile fleetingly. “You should always be thinking about me.”
“You’re truly humble.”
His joke doesn’t land, it crashes and burns; your smile fades completely into a short, sharp line. Your gaze moves back into the restaurant, waiting for the team's food order in silence once again.
Spencer’s pinky finger twitches across the gap.
“Is everything okay?” he asks.
“Fine.”
You stay quiet, Spencer worries. He takes the bags before you can when they bring your food to the collection desk, two lumps of heat he holds to his thighs as you begin the walk back to the hotel. Tonight, the team will pick at their food together and rehash the same arguments they’ve been making all day, filling in each other's gaps, and tomorrow the work will start again. He can’t have you this unhappy again tomorrow.
“You’re amazing,” he says, watching you turn to him from the corner of his eye, “you know you are, we all do, everyone who meets you. I know you don’t need me to tell you that, or to feel better, but… I’m here for you. If you want to talk. It’s been a hard couple of days, and talking about traumatic events as they happen and directly afterward make them easier to recover from.”
“I’m not traumatised.”
“Upsetting,” he corrects. “Having a shoulder to cry on is good for you, and I can be that shoulder. You know, if you need me to be.”
He can’t know this in the moment, though maybe one day you’ll tell him, further down the line when the hand holding is better defined, but you look at him and you love him. To know Spencer is to love him. Or at least that’s how you’ve always felt. You’d love to cry on his shoulder about what transpired that morning if it weren’t embarrassing to think about, you’re upset over a throwaway comment made by nobody important.
Spencer offers his company earnestly. He stammers. It’s amazingly sincere, as he usually is. He won’t mind if it’s embarrassing, he’ll just listen.
You clear your throat. “I know I’m not to everyone’s taste. I know that the way I… present myself isn’t what most men like. People love confidence, but not when it’s bossy, not when it’s– when it’s vain. And I am vain. I think about my appearance a lot, I think I’m beautiful most of the time, I try so hard to have that be true.” You eye him thoughtfully. “Do you realise that?”
He shakes his head gently, one ear toward one shoulder and then the other, as though balancing. “Sort of. I know you put effort into your appearance, but I also assume a lot of it to be natural.”
“Right, well. It’s not natural. Not really. My natural beauty wouldn’t be all the beautiful to most people. And I’ve accepted that, I know what I like about myself, and–” You’re losing the thread of your point, an upset creeping into your melodic tone and turning it ragged. “When people tell me they don’t like how I look now, I guess it hurts because I know they wouldn’t like me before, either, and I feel defeated because I know I can’t win.”
“Who said they don’t like how you look?” Spencer asks, confused, on his way to annoyed.
“Officer Friendly.” You look to your shoes, watching the steps you take. “Guess he wasn’t as nice as we thought.”
“What did he say to you?”
You shrug. “Same story. He doesn’t like girls who wear makeup. Doesn’t like uppity women.”
“Did he call you that?”
“What are you gonna do if he did?” you ask without malice.
“Morgan’s teaching me self defence for a reason.” You smile at his light joke, though it doesn’t last. He transfers the takeout bags into one hand, the other held out to you, his fingers sliding down your arm to your wrist. “You know you’re beautiful, with or without makeup. And you’re not uppity, you’re out of his league. There’s a difference.”
“You’re flirting with me.”
“No.” He wishes he had the wherewithal sometimes, but this isn’t flirting. “I’m being honest with you. Men like that don’t like you because they know they’ll never, ever have you, or anyone like you. There isn’t anyone like you,” he adds, sliding his hand into yours.
He squeezes all your fingers together twice in quick succession.
“Don’t let a jealous chauvinist halfwit make you think you’re not good enough,” he says.
You curl your fingers around his before he can take his hand back. Slowly, you squeeze his hand. Then, smiling, you let him go.
“I’ve never heard you say something mean like that,” you say. “Halfwit. That’s crass.”
“I was going to say he’s an asshole, if that’s better.”
Your laugh echoes off of the sidewalk. “That’s perfect. Say something meaner.”
The insult he uses next doesn’t bear repeating.
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