#and made me reassess the situation which was so important!!!! it was much needed!!!!

[monstermp3]

🍀

[spiritualitygeek]

PAC | Your 2024 In A Nutshell

Disclaimer:

This pac is for entertainment purpose only. I am not liable for any actions or decisions taken or made based on the information presented in the reading. The interpretations and insights are subjective and open to individual perception. Please use your own judgment and intuition when applying the messages to your life or situation. Thank you!

Pile 1

Cards: 6oP rx, QoW, 2oC

With the Six of Pentacles in reverse here, I'm seeing your financial situation hitting rocky roads in 2024. You need to reassess your generosity or be cautious with resources. Refrain from spending or investing thoughtlessly. And most importantly, do not lend money. To anyone be it family or close friends.

Moreover, with the Queen of Wands I see you embodying a strong, charismatic energy, hinting at your ability to take charge and make bold decisions. This is particularly great if you're looking to move out or start a new venture. Or maybe start a new course? Degree? College?

I'm seeing you getting out of your comfort zone and taking charge for doing things that you've been scared till now. Most of y'all might be introvert or would turn 18 this year?

The Two of Cups here indicate deep connection, possibly in relationships or partnerships. Again, I'm seeing you start something new where you'd meet new people and collaborate with them. If you're a student, you'd enrol in college or if you're looking to start new business or anything for that matter. But in my humble opinion, you're gonna find your soulmate this year. It can be a best friend or lover? But you'd surely click with this person like nobody else.

To sum up, in 2024, you may encounter financial fluctuations, urging you to find a balance between giving and receiving. And so, it's highly advisable to approach any challenges with confidence and passion, embracing your leadership qualities. You may as well end up making meaningful connections which are going to last a lifetime. Be it professional or personal.

Stay attuned to your financial choices, ensuring fairness and caution. Embrace the Queen of Wands' boldness to overcome obstacles. Nurture connections, fostering collaborations that bring joy and fulfillment. Remember, balance and confident decisions will be your allies in shaping a rewarding 2024.

Pile 2

Cards: KoW, 6oS, 7oS

In 2024, you're likely to embrace the leadership qualities of the King of Wands, making your way through any situation with confidence. The Six of Swords points to a journey, both physical and metaphorical, indicating positive movement and growth.

However, be cautious of potential challenges or deceptive elements as the Seven of Swords are telling me there are people who are going to backstab you or feel jealous of your growth. When you're growing, and acing it all with confidence and grace, it's natural to attract envy of anyone. Be extra wise and careful with people you keep close. Not everyone has your best interest at heart.

In a nutshell, your year is likely to be a balance of bold decision-making, adaptability during transitions, and a discerning eye to avoid pitfalls. I must say, 2024 is gonna be your year pile 2. Fasten your seatbelts and get ready for the ride. You're gonna enjoy this one.

Although, it's advisable to trust your instincts always, in the face of your problems and in your connections. Sometimes it's important to keep your guards up against certain people. Regardless, you indeed have what it takes to overcome obstacles and lead yourself towards positive change.

Pile 3

Cards: KoS, 5oP, QoS

In 2024, you're advised by the King of Swords to approach challenges with logic and clear thinking. The year ahead requires you to use reasoning over emotions. Because situations would require it with the five of pentacles here. There may be temporary setbacks, a lot of rocky roads throughout the year, but nothing that can't be managed. You may feel often than once that it's too much. You can't bear it. Or that things never go as you wish. Well, they won't. If I'd be honest. This is why you need to stick to reasoning over emotions, to address financial or emotional concerns better. Just because things aren't going the way you want them, doesn't mean they're going to hit a dead end. There's always a door that leads to a better outcome than what you imagined or wished for. Just stop resisting the best by insisting for good. Because that'd lead you to settle for worse.

The Queen of Swords is here for you to guide you with her decisive and perceptive qualities to cut through any confusion and make informed choices. Take this message to your heart and make your mind right now. You won't give up. You won't complain. You will keep pushing! Because things will get better. And you will get the best if you stop resisting what universe has in bags for you.

Overall, be patient and practical in 2024. The year may not be your best year, but it'll indeed be a stepping stone to the best years ahead. Have faith! Don't be a quitter. Be a fighter.

You can overcome any obstacles with a combination of intellectual clarity and emotional resilience. Utilize your analytical skills, address challenges systematically, and make decisions with a discerning mind. Maintaining a sharp focus and clear communication with yourself will be essential in navigating the year successfully.

Thank you all for taking the time to read my pac. I hope the insights resonated with you and provided some guidance. If you found this helpful, I'd be grateful if you consider following me for more spiritual content and future tarot readings. Wishing you all love, light, and positivity on your journey! ✨

- With love, Snow ❄️

Enjoyed the reading? Tip me here~

[sinigangsta-ao3]

Thursday Thoughts: On controlling what I can, a.k.a. where you can find my fics

Quick bonus Thursday Thoughts this week!

I don’t know who follows me that observed or was privy to the plagiarism concerns that affected some EM authors on Twitter, AO3, and Wattpad.

I’m not 100% sure if any of my fics were affected, but I did receive an apology comment from the “plagiarist” on one of my fics — an experience that, admittedly, did not make me feel comfortable.

I didn’t take the plagiarist’s apology as confirmation that my fics were plagiarized (at this point, there’s no way for me to confirm). Nor do I have an immediate fear of my work being stolen or shared without my consent or anything (which, for the record, I’m not okay with!!!). But this whole situation did get me thinking about what matters most to me when it comes to my works — as well as gave me an opportunity to, once again, reassess my boundaries and what I can control.

So I made the following changes to my AO3 and my fics (partially inspired by @onwriting-hrarby, whose expertise and experience are such trusted sources to me):

I’ve now made all my fics restricted to viewers with an AO3 account — and will only post for registered AO3 users moving forward. I’m sorry to those who follow my work and aren’t registered on the archive. I understand that this might be a barrier to read, and I acknowledge that inconvenience.

I’ve hidden my two eremika WIPs, “straight/edge” and “sins of our fathers.” I’m actively working on them, and reworking a bit of the plot. But I have honestly been considering hiding them for a bit, as having them out unfinished just feels like I’m giving myself undue pressure to finish the stories quickly. And these two stories mean too much to me to haphazardly put together the subsequent chapters. I’ll unhide them sometime in the future, whenever I’m ready to share them again.

On a semi-related note, I’m constantly reassessing how I use my other social accounts. I’m still active on Twitter, and I have this Tumblr and my Tellonym. Ultimately, I want to use my socials as a way to stay connected to people who follow my fics, who wanna talk to me about what I’m working on, and who just wanna talk about fun fandom-related things together. I want to make myself available to people who are interested in talking to me about my stories — because that really is important to me. I also want a space to share my observations and creative journey.

However, I am currently reconsidering how much I share about my WIPs. I’ll entertain questions about them, but I’m reconsidering whether or not I will share sneak previews of upcoming chapters and fics. I’m at a point where I need to refocus on the work for myself.

Apologies for being a bit rambling! I just wanted to make sure that, in the event that anyone was looking for my work, I could be transparent about where they are and how you can access them. I hope this helps. And I sincerely thank anyone and everyone who has expressed even the smallest inkling of interest in what I write and what I have written so far.

Much love,

Nina 💕

[ticklepinions]

Hi! Hope you're doing well. I just came for advice ig? I saw another blog I follow get a really disturbing ask and it made me really uncomfortable. Long story short it was about the ler being very controlling and domineering. To the point where the "Lee" was getting their boundaries crossed. Idk what my question is exactly just curious on your thoughts?

Heyo. Very long winded answer under the cut. I encourage everyone to read though.

Warning: consent being ignored. Mentions of kink terminology

TL;DR Remember people are human. They aren't just what they can do for you. Their wants and desires are just as important as your own. Communication is key as usual. Be upfront with what you want and expect in the relationship (platonic or romantic). Being ticklish doesn't mean you want to be tickled/teased. If people get angry at you for setting boundaries that is a big red flag, you deserve to have your consent respected.

I think I have a feeling about which ask it was. Yeah. It made me angry. I said it once and I'll say it again.

Being a lee does not mean you're inherently submissive and feminine.

Being a ler does not mean you're inherently dominant and masculine.

Can you be? Sure, but the roles don't need to be boiled down to those specific categories.

I've never actually had a "session" before and I'm sure they're other blogs who have great advice you can check out.

In my opinion, consent should never be crossed. The "Lee" has all the power over their own body. If they say do not tickle me there. Guess what? You're not tickling them there. If they are uncomfortable with restraints or tools, you guessed it, you aren't involving any of those elements.

And people like to, for lack of a better word, groom others into doing what they want to do. They pretend like they want to "help" you get over your fear but really they just have ulterior motives. Lees become nothing but a tool for the ler's pleasure and that is a big red flag.

Alternatively, Lees shouldn't be forcing lers to do things they're uncomfy with.

I get it. Setting boundaries is hard. Especially with people who may push back, sometimes unintentionally. I thought I was a pro at consent stuff but I found out I suck. And it's okay, I'm still learning. I'm a people pleaser so I have a tendency to ignore my own personal boundaries just to ensure the other person is happy. And I try to be mindful of when I get into those moods. Sometimes you really just have to remove yourself from the situation, take a step back and reassess.

As a switch, it is such a problem. I know I have multiple posts of how ticklish I am, but get this:

Being ticklish does not mean I want to be tickled/teased.

I don't like being tickled by people I don't know or can't trust with my body. I am ticklish yes, very much so, but it should be enjoyable for me as it is for you. I've had several encounters with people who just don't respect that. I try my best to communicate that while I may be ticklish, at the end of the day, I am most comfortable doing a majority of the tickling. But I understand. As a switch it's difficult. We all have different needs right? I've messed up before when it comes to trying to sway people into a Lee or Ler mood. It happens sometimes, it starts out as teasy and fun then you realize that you might be coaxing this person (in the wrong way) into a mood they weren't in and didn't want to be in.

Communication is so incredibly important but extremely difficult at times. I find it harder to set boundaries with people I like because I want to keep them so to speak. But guess what!? I (and YOU) deserve relationships (p or r) that revolve around respecting each other's boundaries!

If someone EVER gets angry at you for having a boundary, RUN. That is some major toxic stuff right there. Like ofc, communicate that it's making you uncomfy because a lot of people just don't understand consent (it's actually pretty scary).

And the fact that being a Lee has somehow automatically translated to being submissive has really hurt this community imo. And what does society believe is the epitome of submissiveness? Femininity. Before joining the community I've been a lurker and the shit I have seen yo. Women both trans and cis have been preyed upon by, usually, cis men. People receiving unwanted teasy asks or sliding in their DMs etc. I remember seeing this one butthurt person being like "well she posted a tummy pic she basically asked for it". Like... People really think that. I don't want to open that can of worms but- damn bro.

But anyways back to communication. If you interact with a switch, and you are one yourself, be up front with what you want. An example would be a Ler-leaning switch and a lee-leaning. The ler/lean will have greater wants to do the tickling and the lee/lean will have greater wants to be tickled. If they both agree that they are okay with that relationship, great! However, if the ler/lean suggests they be the one being tickled that's a topic of discussion. Both parties should and must be willing. If the Lee/lean says they don't want to, then they don't want to. It's just important to establish that so people know what to expect ya know? Because one person won't be able to fulfill all your wants.

An example: You'll make friends who like the rougher side of tickles but they can't provide you the gentle tickles that you may crave. So you happen to make friends who are great at gentle tickles. One weekend you make feel like rough tickles the other gentle tickles, and you bounce back with the people who mutually agree with what you want at the time.

Same concept can apply to switches. There are gonna be people where you will win the tickle fights and like that dynamic. There are others where you will lose tickle fights and enjoy that dynamic. Lastly there are people where you will have a stalemate and find joy in that dynamic.

Example Convo between Switches

"So I know you're Ler-leaning, and you know I am lee-leaning"

"Yeah?"

"Are you okay with being tickled by me? There are times where I really want to tickle someone and I think you'd be fun to tickle."

"Hmm well I'm not sure, I think I prefer just being the tickler. I really appreciate you asking though!"

"Understandable! No problem at all"

Scenario 2

"*insert teasy words here*"

"Actually I'm not really feeling like a ler today. But I wouldn't mind if you tickled me if you're up for it"

"Oh sure no problem! Same safeword as last time?"

"Yes! Thanks friend"

[boldlyanxious]

None the Wiser 4

Masterlist

All fic masterlist

Prompts: habits and overprotection

Damian changed into his Robin gear and sought solace in the familiarity of the Gotham rooftops. It always helped him clear his head which was what he needed right now. His father and brothers were angry at him for how he had treated the bakers' daughter. Well, not Todd, he just laughed every time Damian walked into the room when the others got their tense looks. Even Alfred seemed disappointed with him, he didn't say it but Damian could feel the disapproval.

It would be his last night in Gotham for awhile so he took this habitual route, not to look for crime so much as to burn off his excess energy and frustration. He would be traveling to Paris under the guise of a Justice League mission to reassess the magical villain operating there. The Justice League International had previously stated that it would be best handled by the local heroes using the same magic but recent events had caused them to reassess.

But his father had been very clear. He intended to seek out his biological daughter once again and he expected Damian to make amends with his 'sister' so that she would be more willing to form a relationship with Bruce in the future. Alfred and his brothers were all on board and they couldn't figure out why Damian was being so difficult about it.

---

Marinette sighed in her room. Tikki flitted over to check on her. She was anxiously awaiting the results of her submission to the fashion competition. She had heard 5 others from the lycée had entered and 3 of them had heard back about their entry. It was a surprise to them that the fashion show was now part of the judging. Everyone would be presented and all would have an opportunity for their design to be seen on the runway and photographed. Two of the entries were labeled open runway and one of them had a later time and was labeled a level 2 entry.

Marinette was apprehensive waiting for her own response. She kept worrying that for some reason they would not have received her entry or that they would just tell her they didn't want to see any more from her. On top of that she had heard from Bruce again and he was returning to Paris and was hoping to see her. Her parents had suggested that if she continued seeing him when she could to appease him, he might feel less inclined to make any fuss legally.

She still hadn't told anyone but Luka about him. Marc had taken a picture of Marinette and Adrien sleeping and had shown it to her. She was fairly certain she had seen Nathaniel showing his phone to a blushing Adrien but she hadn't commented. She knew that if the picture got out his father might never let him hang out with them again. Alya had seen it too and took every opportunity to tease Marinette about it, and Adrien too, but it wasn't in front of others so it hadn't become public knowledge.

Marinette was less focused on being noticed by him because she was so worried about her entry to the competition and she was stressed anytime she thought of Bruce. She had caught her parents talking in hushed tones several times over the last few weeks. Part of her routine in the last few weeks was to race across the rooftops and sit at the Eiffel Tower not long after sunset. She didn't like to do it when there was still daylight because she worried that she would be seen or that her new habit would be noticed by those who would try to find out who she was.

This had her running into Chat Noir more frequently because he also used the rooftops as stress management. She didn't feel like she could give him details about her situation but she did mention that she was concerned about an important competition and uncertainty about a revelation involving her family. Chat Noir was always one to use his transformation as an escape. She knew his family expectations weighed on him and she really liked that they had this way to support each other especially now that she was the guardian. Sitting up on the Eiffel Tower felt like it opened up their headspace so their thinking would be more clear.

---

During school today Marinette had learned that all the other entrants for the competition had heard back about their entry. Lila took a moment between classes to taunt her suggesting that they didn't find anything in her entry worth mentioning. Usually she tried to ignore Lila but she happened to hit right on Marinette's biggest fear about it so she decided to go home for lunch for the peace and quiet and hopefully be able to find a letter in the mail today.

It would be just the soothing balm she needed that when she left the building for lunch she saw Damian standing out there. He saw her almost immediately and started walking towards her. Lila and Alya were there and asking questions about this boy they didn't recognize from the school walking up to Marinette. She waved off their questions and walked up to him rather than risk him saying things that would give away her secret before she was ready.

"What do you want?" Marinette asked him.

"I've been told you need an apology," he said.

"I'm listening," she replied.

"Listening for what?" he asked, confused.

"An apology." she said.

"That was the apology," he stated.

"Wow, that was exceptionally poor. So good to see you again."

"Well what do you want from me?"

She paused for a moment to assess him.

"Nothing," she said and then she walked away.

The mail had not arrived by the end of lunch so Marinette was still nervous about it when she returned. She should have considered more carefully who had seen her talking with Damian on her way or because apparently it had been a topic discussed by many while she was away. Alya told her that Lila was very worried about her and thought the boy was a criminal and was probably trying to drag Marinette into a life of crime.

"Marinette, he looked a lot like the boy you were trying to get away from a few weeks ago." Sabrina said.

That comment had people buzzing with renewed energy. They all wanted details about the incident from a few weeks ago and we're looking for any details they had missed when they watched Marinette talk with him outside. Sabrina was too close with Chloe to go out of her way to be concerned about Marinette.

"It's nothing," Marinette said. "I met him officially after that incident. Our parents know each other but we don't really get along."

Marinette walked away to head to class without any further comment. Alya caught up to her, clearly thinking she would get more details. She was telling Marinette all the things Lila thought she knew about him but Marinette didn't know enough about him to have a clear refutation.

"I really don't know him well, Alya. We met once. I know his name is Damian and he lives in America. I met his dad and brothers."

"He's pretty cute. You don't think there is some enemies-to-lovers energy there?" Alya waggled her eyebrows.

"No, definitely not."

Marinette was trying to keep her voice down because there was way too much interest in this from their classmates who were pulling out their books while clearly trying to hear the conversation. Adrien looked slightly concerned and Noah clearly wanted to say something. He hadn't directly talked to Marinette about his interest but he made a few comments to imply he would be interested. It was still pretty early in the first year of lycée so students from the different collèges hadn't fully gotten to know the other groups but Rochelle had made it clear to the other girls that Noah was off limits to them.

Small blessings of new teachers at lycée was that they were better at managing the group than Mlle Bustier. She was young and wanted to be friends with the students she had taught for her first 3 years as a teacher but the lycée teachers started class promptly and it saved Marinette from being the object of discussion. Of course they were still discussing genetics so Marinette's mind wandered to how her biology might have played a role in her characteristics. She had started avoiding answering any questions about her or her parents for fear that her parentage discrepancy would become obvious to others.

She looked around when she was leaving for the day to make sure Damian wasn't around. The last thing she needed was for him to appear and keep himself in the memory of her nosy classmates. Still she was surprised when Noah appeared in front of her. She made an awkward squeaking sound and then quickly covered her mouth. He smiled at her, not quite letting out a laugh.

"Can I walk to the bakery with you?" he asked.

"Uh, yeah. Did you need to get baked goods?"

"No. I live that way and I wanted to walk with you," he paused but continued when she didn't respond. "Rumor has it you entered the fashion competition."

"I did. I'm still waiting to hear back. I'm so nervous," she said.

"You shouldn't be. I think they are sending them out by level. The first people to get them back were labeled 'open' then came different levels."

She stared at him and then thought it through. He might be right. Based on the ones she had seen the first to hear back had earlier times and the other she knew had received it over the weekend. She hadn't seen it or heard any details of the latest 2 to hear back.

"Do you think?" she asked.

"I do. I bet yours will arrive soon and you will be in the highest group," he said confidently.

It was such a new experience having so many classmates that she didn't know well. It was a smaller group from collège when the schools combined and it had been 3 years ago. It was 2 schools together but for lycée they came from 6 schools several of which were larger than her old school. They felt like little ducklings leaving the safe nest into a huge pond.

When she opened the door she turned to wave Noah off but he was following her into the bakery. She felt a little weird about questioning a possible customer but also a little flustered because it felt like he was following her home. She was quickly distracted by her mother pausing helping her line of customers to lift an envelope where she could see it. She didn't realize that she had grabbed on to Noah's arm like she would one of her other friends but he didn't mind knowing how nervous she was. She pulled her hand back when she realized but asked if he wanted to stay with her while she opened it.

---

Bruce was frustrated by the Justice League meeting. It felt like it was mostly filler and introductions. He already knew everyone and he was distracted by his desire to see Marinette. He knew Damian had gone over that way while he was organizing it and he didn't say that it went well which meant it was probably a disaster. He just wanted to get the meeting over with so he could rush over to fix whatever Damian had done.

He connected with the Justice League International team because of their change in status with the shift in magic being used there. But mostly he needed a cover for continued visits without looking suspicious. Mostly they were activating younger members because of the suspected age of the magical heroes but they needed a few older members for coordinating missions and solving disputes. He wasn't sure he was the best for that particular part of the mission but since Damian, Jon, and Wally were involved he could at least be there to transport them.

He was headed towards the bakery but he saw her in the park near her house so he walked that way just in time to see her jump up and down and hug a boy her age. He walked up and waited to see if her giddiness would fade. He suspected that it would have stayed for quite awhile. She was reaching into her bag for her phone when she saw him looming nearby. She silenced herself immediately as she froze.

Noah looked up at the man watching. He thought Marinette must know him based on her reaction to his presence. If he hadn't just met her parents he would think that he would make the perfect overprotective father. Perhaps he was an uncle. He had a similar, solid build to Tom Dupain but none of his easy-going manner or corny jokes delivered with a smile.

"I thought you weren't meant to be around until later," Marinette said, addressing the man.

"I finished my meeting early so I went ahead and came by."

"I'll need to talk to my parents but I can meet you back out here in a few minutes," she said. She turned to Noah, " Thanks for being with me while I read that. Just don't tell anyone. Alya will kill me if she finds it you knew before her."

"I wouldn't dream of telling. I'll see you tomorrow," Noah replied. He waved and headed off towards his home.

Next

**hoping to get the next couple prompts out very soon. I also posted a loosely connected part for the driving prompt not long ago.

Taglist

@theymakeupfairies | @emjrabbitwolf

@laurcad123 | @redscarlet95 | @acoolspacegirl | @nerd-nowandforever | @justafanwarrior | @pawsitivelymiraculous | @vixen-uchiha | @tumbling-down-hills-and-stuff | @fusser90 | @violetfandomaddict | @catthhay | @kking13 | @cresentmo0n | @officiallydarkgeek | @mewwitch | @dast218 | @trippingovermyfeet | @pepelachanel | @ira-sairain | @user00000003 | @justarandomtumblerblog | @greatcatblaze | @roselynfey | @zeneralla

[jaskiersvalley]

Yeah, alright.

They met on a night out. Eskel had decided he needed to let loose for a bit, told Lambert he was heading out. It was the beauty of their relationship that Lambert just waved and grumbled about wanting a quiet night in so Eskel better not make too much noise when he got back. The following morning Eskel groaned and rolled over in bed, patting the place Lambert normally inhabited. It was empty and there was a chuckle from the doorway.

“Good night I take it?”

“The best.” Eskel sat up. “Met a guy. Fuck me Lamby, I think I’m in love.”

Snorting, Lambert sat on the edge of the bed and raised an eyebrow, demanding Eskel told him more.

“We didn’t even fuck. I offered him fisstech because I was already high as fuck. He said “yeah, alright” then we went to a park and talked about the representation of goats in mythology.”

Lambert laughed at that. It was oddly fitting that Eskel would find someone like that. Before he could say as much, Eskel continued, “He actually knew some really random shit. Said it was because he had the time and that he’d try anything once. Hence, you know, fisstech with a stranger. You should meet him. I think I have his number!”

After a few moments of scrambling for his phone, Eskel found the number saved under ‘No Strings Ever’ which, well, it suited him just fine really. He sent a message.

Want to meet again? I want to introduce you to Lambert.

The reply, predictably was short and to the point. Yeah, alright.

It was how Lamber met Cahir and finally understood what Eskel saw in him. There was a nonchalant easiness to him, when Lambert propositioned him for a threesome as a joke to try and ruffle a few feathers, he got a half shrug and a soft “Yeah, alright.”

The tumble in bed was mind blowing. Lambert stared at the ceiling, breathless and lips curled into an open grin. “I do hope this isn’t a one off,” he managed to get out and Eskel hummed in agreement.

“As long as there are no strings attached, I can agree to a repeat performance,” Cahir replied.

There was indeed a repeat of their bedroom acrobatics and not just once either. It was all well and good that they had said no strings but both Eskel and Lambert found themselves falling. Anything ludicrous that crossed their minds, Cahir would undoubtedly go “yeah, alright” to. Whether it was streaking naked across the neighbourhood at 3am or going on a picnic at the nearby lake. There seemed to be nothing Cahir wouldn’t agree to in his usual, placid and easy going way.

Five months passed. Strings were still forbidden but more often than not Cahir ended up at theirs for the evening or they went out together. Those were decidedly not dates, rather fun outings to try something new, even if it was just a new restaurant.

“Want to go horse riding?” Eskel suggested over a bowl of noodles.

“Yeah, alright.”

Lambert grinned. “Have we ever told you about Scorpion. He’s Eskel’s horse. Lives out on the ranch with Roach.”

Cahir hummed and shook his head.

“Our brother-” Lambert explained, “well, we call him our brother, anyway, he’s some bigshot doctor, loves his horses. So Eskel can stable Scorpion up there with Roach.”

“Very lucky.”

Eskel had to agree with that, they were very lucky. Even better, they made plans to visit the ranch and Scorpion at the weekend. They all went in Lambert’s truck, quietly excited for showing Cahir something new and something the other two loved.

Scorpion, it turned out, was a hit. Cahir admired him and watched raptly as Eskel brushed him down, explaining a few of the important parts about riding a horse. The mysterious brother was touted to turn up for introductions. Quietly, Lambert was reassessing the whole ‘no strings’ thing Cahir seemed intent on keeping in words if nothing else.

“Cahir?” A new voice called from the entrance to the stall, full of surprise.

Eyes wide, Cahir turned slowly. “Doctor Rivia.”

“You two know each other?!” Lambert was both delighted and confused. It at least meant they wouldn’t have to push themselves through the awkward first meeting Geralt tended to generate in a social situation.

Looking rather defensive, Cahir’s shoulder’s hunched up. “Doctor Rivia is my cardiologist.” In the silence, Cahir moved towards the entrance of the stall. “If you’ll excuse me, I should probably get going.”

Too stunned to stop him, the other three watched as Cahir walked out of the stables in long strides.

“What to fuck?” Lambert was the first to break. “I thought you only worked with transplants and terminal patients.”

Geralt was stony faced as he replied. “I do.”

“But Cahir- he-” At a loss, Eskel gestured, face twisted with pain.

“Patient confidentiality means I can’t say anything. But I can say that I’m really sorry. And that he’s been the happiest these last few months that I’ve ever seen him.”

Exchanging a look, Lambert and Eskel dashed for the door, a hasty “please sort Scorpion” thrown Geralt’s way. They caught up with Cahir relatively quickly. The idiot seemed intent on walking back to town, hands jammed in his pockets and head down.

“Cahir!” Lambert rounded on him, making him stop. “Is this the only reason you wanted no strings?”

He was given a nod and Eskel picked up the threat. “We don’t care.”

“Bit it could be tomorrow. Could be five years from now.”

“Then we have until tomorrow. Or five years from now.” Eskel pulled Cahir in, a hand on the back of his neck and tipped their foreheads together while Lambert wrapped arms around them both from the side. “So what say you? Want to try this with strings attached?”

With wet eyes, Cahir sniffled before trying to nod.

“Yeah, alright.”

[what-a-silver-lining]

Sugar and Spooks (But Mostly Just Sugar)

It's Grimmtober 2021!

Day 1: Candy

“Hey, honey, what’re you...” Henry stops his sentence short, making eye contact with Sabrina, mid-bite of her chocolate bar.

The slightly unhinged look in his eldest daughter’s eyes might have clued him in on the situation because he very quickly reassessed the situation.

“Alright. Great talk, honey, see you soon.”

or, Sabrina Grimm isn't a big fan of Halloween, but that doesn't apply to the sugary treats the holiday is known for.

Note: It’s been quite a while since I’ve written anything for the Sisters Grimm so bear with me, please! It’s also been QUITE a while since I’ve shared any of my work with the public, much less Tumblr, so that’ll be fun.

Disclaimer: I don't own The Sisters Grimm and I'm not MB. Just a fan partaking in a fandom even for Halloween :)

Some notes about this series: All the stories take place in no particular order of timeline. We’ll see about that though. It depends on how long I manage to keep this up. Not exactly canon-compliant since it’s been a hot minute since I’ve read the scripture, y’know?

So yeah, Briar’s alive (and whoever else I need for the purposes of the plot, I guess). Okay, I’ve kept you along for long enough, enjoy the first prompt!

--

Sabrina Grimm was not a big fan of Halloween.

Maybe she was, once upon a time, before losing her parents to a cult led by her long-lost grandmother’s magical mirror.

But the Sabrina who dressed up as the Sugar Plum Princess to go trick-or-treating around Manhattan would be very disappointed indeed at the Sabrina who grimaced at the thought of parading around in a silly costume and begging people for candy.

Which is precisely what Sabrina Grimm was doing as her younger sister begged her to take her trick-or-treating later that week.

“Please Sabrina?” Daphne begged, hands clasped together and face on the verge of breaking out into a pout. “Red and I’ve been working all month to figure out the optimus path for trick-or-treating!”

This, Sabrina knows, is very true. She’s had to chaperone a few late-afternoon adventures as the two girls timed each other on how fast they could run through the block to yield the most candy. But trailing behind her little sister and Red on the way home from school is very different from being forced to go trick-or-treating. Besides, she had plans.

“First of all Daphne, it’s optimal . And second of all, isn’t dressing up in Ferryport Landing pointless when half the people here look like they regularly shop at Spirit Halloween?” Heck, most of the people in the town have about a million variations of their likenesses up for sale in party stores around the country.

“But mom won’t let us out later unless we get someone older. She and Basil Jr. are just going to kill the mood if we have to stop before 5 pm!” Oh boy, here come the puppy eyes…

“Dad?”

“He’s too old and grumpy for Halloween.”

“And I’m not grumpy enough for you? Uh, how about Uncle Jake?”

“Already asked him. He said he’s going to a party with Briar. And something about a Monster Mash.”

“Granny? Canis? Snow? Charming?? ” Sabrina was running out of options at this point.

“Granny’s got some errands to run and Mr. Canis is going with her. If Snow takes us she won’t be there to give out giant chocolate bars, and If we ask Charming, then Snow won’t be able to convince him to give out his giant stash of imported fancy chocolate.” As Daphne counted off the options with her fingers, Sabrina felt her chance at a peaceful evening slip through her fingers.

Well… almost.

“What about Puck?” As soon as the words came out of her mouth, Sabrina felt the soft halo of victory engulf her.

Fairy Boy was (more or less) the perfect candidate for Daphne and Red’s shenanigans— with the added bonus of keeping the trickster king from pulling any pranks on her in the spirit of the season.

With a quick shout of “You lucked out this time, Sabrina!” Daphne shot up the stairs in search of Puck. Presumably to work out a costume for him. There’s no chance that Puck will be able to say no to the opportunity to possibly pull a boatload of pranks on the houses that give out crappy candy.

Sabrina thinks that she’ll probably regret this decision by the end of the night on the 31st, but she’s mostly thinking about how nice it’ll be not to have to deal with Daphne on a sugar high on Halloween night.

--

And that’s exactly what she finds herself doing on the evening of the 31st. Not dealing with a hyperactive little sister or a prankster fairy boy with access to a million pounds of sugar. Sabrina’s confident she could probably handle Red, but she’s also never seen the Everafter girl eat a pixie stick.

None of that matters at this current moment, however, because by some stroke of luck, Sabrina is the only person currently in the Grimm household.

After double-checking that Elvis and her dad were actually out on their walk and that Puck wasn’t hiding behind any doors with an unpleasant surprise waiting for her, Sabrina let out a breath of relief.

Setting up the TV to one of the more classic seasonal reruns, Sabrina makes her way into the kitchen to retrieve her secret stash of candy. On the very bottom section of the higher shelf, out of reach of Daphne, and low enough to escape the direct view of Puck sits an inconspicuous box of generic raisin bran cereal.

Moving the box of cereal to the side reveals a second box of the same generic cereal box— gotta be careful in case her mom or dad suddenly crave a healthy dose of cereal for breakfast, right?

Again, moving that box of cereal to the side, right there . A box of plain, steel-cut oats remains the gateway between Sabrina and her secret candy stash.

Taking the box of oats with her back to the living room with the television, Sabrina spares one last cursory glance around the room to make sure there were no witnesses to her mini escapades.

The first treat of the night: a peanut butter cup.

Sabrina makes it through half the movie (and most of the peanut butter cups) before she switches to the next delicacy: a decent-sized milk chocolate bar.

As she’s about to take a big bite out of the bar, however, she hears the front door open.

Sabrina freezes, eyes wide as she realizes she’s probably been caught, and now Daphne and Puck are going to eat all her candy, and just after she’d saved up all the candy over the past couple of weeks. All that sneaking just for—.

“Hey, honey, what’re you...” Henry stops his sentence short, making eye contact with Sabrina, mid-bite of her chocolate bar.

The slightly unhinged look in his eldest daughter’s eyes might have clued him in on the situation because he very quickly reassessed the situation.

“Honestly, sweetie, I totally get it. I think Elvis and I should take an extended walk today, hm, Elvis?” The great Dane barked his agreement. “Okay, so we’ll be heading out. Maybe we’ll catch your mother and brother on the way and we’ll pick up some dinner from the diner?”

Silence.

“Alright. Great talk, honey, see you soon.”

And with that, Sabrina Grimm was once again alone in the house, free to stuff her face with discounted Halloween chocolate to her heart’s content.

Gummy bears, jelly beans, Twix bars, gumdrops, even a couple of pieces of candy corn met their demise as Sabrina continued on with the movie just as before.

Candy after candy succumbed to Sabrina’s sweet tooth binge until a decent dent had been made into the stash. As the credits rolled on the cheesy horror film, Sabrina gathered up the wrappers and candy boxes and cleaned up any remaining crumbs on the couch to dispose of the evidence.

Replacing the box of oats behind the cereal boxes in the cabinet, Sabrina silently pats herself on the back for her sneakiness. Just in time, too, as she can hear the sounds of the other kids stomping around by the entrance.

“Sabrina! We’re back!” Daphne calls from beyond the kitchen door.

“Yeah, Grimm! And we’re not sharing our candy with you!”

“...I’ll share with you, Sabrina..” Red’s voice rings, softer than the other two.

As Sabrina walks back into the living room, she sees that the three trick-or-treaters have already begun trading their candy from their trek around Ferryport Landing. True to Daphne’s word, there looked to be a couple of full-sized candy bars, probably from Snow.

The older Grimm sister sits on the couch, letting out a sigh of relief that she hadn’t been caught. Her stash was safe— at least for today. She snags a Kit Kat and listens to the three (mostly Daphne) catch her up to speed on everything she missed when the trio had taken off earlier that afternoon.

“So actually, Puck had to do a little convincing for Charming to hand over some of his fancy candy but thankfully...”

So Sabrina Grimm isn’t the biggest fan of Halloween, but she does see the appeal of candy.

--

And that's a wrap for day 1! I know, cutting it super close to the deadline! I can't believe I got Ao3, Tumblr, AND FFN

Speaking of ffn, you can find me at LavenderMoonRose on fanfiction.net and Archive of Our Own

[figjelly]

Feb. 26th, 2022

Hello, hello. As alluded to, I’m trying to make more of an effort keeping this blog active as an actual blog and not just a place to reblog trash (still a great place to do that though). I’ve had a lot going on in my life since November. The biggest development is me spending some time reassessing my priorities. I had a really distressing thing happen with one of my partners; it shook me badly. I feel like I handled and am handling the situation well. Much better than if I’d encountered it when I was younger.

Back to my priorities. One of my top tens was to nurture and cultivate spaces that I care for with things that are important to me. I’ve realized that I don’t have a large presence online, especially when it comes to social media. Tumblr IS sort of my main social place for me to be another part of myself that is separate from my real life. I’ve been a part of it for over a decade. It’s been a pivotal part of my growth as a person. I’ve made life-changing connections here. Not only that, but Tumblr was probably the biggest inspiration for me to keep up with my art independently throughout my life AND provided me a way to share my writing when I picked up that past time. 

So, maybe I should think more about how I’m using this space and the people who are watching it and listening to me. I feel like I’m pretty genuine on here (i.e. I don’t really lie or embellish about my life). But I don’t really take the time to share more about myself. I have an instagram and I used to be more diligent about posting art on tumblr as well. As for my writing, ugh. Life. I’m just not sitting down and doing the work. I’ve got so many fics that need updating and so many that I wanna start and so many things that are original I wanna start sharing! 

But also, I’m bad at reminding myself that I’m a human who needs to rest (I work two steady jobs a week, sometimes three if I teach my painting lessons) and I’m in the middle of starting weekly group therapy on top of my weekly individual sessions. Oh, and I guess also I’m trying to study to get my teaching license so I can teach middle and high school math. Which only requires me reteaching myself calculus and some other things :/

Yeah. There’s just a lot and then there’s more on top of that. I am looking forward to updating this blog more. Hopefully, it’ll motivate and inspire me.

As always, <3 Ash

[free--therapy]

Overcoming Guilt & Shame

It's important to note that by overcoming shame and guilt, it doesn't mean that we are letting ourselves get away with something that we truly know and believe to be wrong. The point of overcoming it is making sure that we take accountability, responsibility, and coming to terms with what made us feel this way in the first place. There are 5 steps we can take to help us overcome our shame and guilt: assessing the severity of our actions, weighing our personal accountability, atoning for any harm we caused, breaking the silence of our incurred shame, and finally self-forgiveness.

It's suggested that only 1 or 2 of these steps are necessary in helping us overcome guilt, however when it comes to dealing with shame, it's best to try all 5 steps:

1. Assessing the Severity of Our Actions

It doesn't matter how big or small the action is that we feel bad about, we can still feel guilty regardless. It could be as simple as ignoring your mother's phone call to answer your best friend's call, or calling in sick to work when you don't feel like going in, and so on. Our evaluation of how serious our actions or thoughts are depends on our values and rules that we create for ourselves. It'll always be subjective and what we may feel guilty about, another person won't feel guilty in the same situation. If we often feeling guilty or ashamed, it means that we are either living our lives in a way that ends up defying and violating our own values and principles, or we may be judging ourselves too seriously on things that aren't as serious as we may believe. How can we assess how serious our actions are? Consider the following:

Do other people think this is as serious as I do? How come?

Would there be anyone else consider it less serious? How come?

How serious would I consider this to be if my friend did it instead of myself?

How important will this situation seem in a month from now? 1 year? 5 years?

Would I consider it to be serious if someone did the same thing to me?

Was I aware of the consequences or meaning of my actions/thoughts? Based on that, are my current judgments applicable?

Did I cause any damage? If I did, can I still make things right? If yes, how long would it take to do so?

Is there a more worse action I could have taken and didn't?

2. Weighing Personal Accountability

Weighing how much of what we have done and our perception of the wrongdoing is up to us now to take care of. To do this, we must evaluate the situation we're feeling guilt or shame about by starting to consider everyone and every aspect involved in the situation, including ourselves. "Aspects" or factors can be something like alcohol being involved, owing someone money/debt, the time of day (late at night where people are tired), or knowing that the certain people involved in our situation may have experienced abuse in their life as well. Anything that may have relative responsibility to the situation. Create a list, whether on paper or in the mind, and assign values to how big of a responsibility they may have in the particular situation.

Example: Having an angry outburst at a spouse for complaining about not paying bills on time. People responsible for my angry outburst: - myself: 60% - looming debts: 20% - spouse: 12% - 11pm at night: 8%

Compiling a list like this won't entirely help to eliminate guilt however, because there are situations where we should still feel guilty for doing something wrong. That guilt will help us to make amendments and atone for what we have done, but we can manage it in a way where it becomes something productive as opposed to it being another thing we turn on ourselves as a way to self-sabotage (shame). Making these sorts of lists will help us to realize that not everything is entirely our fault in situations where we feel guilty, which can help us feel a lot less guilty at the end of the day.

3. Atoning for Harm We Caused

When we're feeling guilt as a result for causing harm to others, it's important that we make sure we make amends for what we have done. Doing so can have a very important impact in healing ourselves and the relationship(s) we may have ruined. Atoning for our actions involves recognizing what we did and having the courage to face the person we hurt, asking for their forgiveness, and figuring out what we can do to make things right.

Here are some questions we can consider when trying to figure out how we can atone for what we have done:

Who did I hurt?

What did I do that was hurtful?

This is why it was wrong (the values I violated):

This is what I can do to make amends:

This is what I can tell the person I hurt: I recognize that when I (behavior/action) ____________, this hurt you. It was wrong because ___________. I'm sorry that I did that to you. What I want to do is _______ to show you how truly sorry I am. I hope that you can forgive me with time.

We have to remember that even though we may ask for forgiveness, the other person is under no obligation to grant us it and we have to be okay with that. The whole point of asking for forgiveness and trying to make amends is to help us feel better about the guilt that we have, especially when we're truly sorry.

4. Breaking the Silence of Incurred Shame/Guilt

Because shame has to do with having to keep things secretive, it helps for us to talk to someone we trust about what happened. We usually keep these things secret because we believe that if anyone ever finds out, we'll be criticized, condemned, or rejected for it. By telling someone, we may be surprised to find acceptance and this response ends up forcing ourselves to reassess the meaning of the secret that we hold onto. But how do we find someone we can trust when we have trust issues? We have to find someone that we believe we can share our secret in confidence, whether it be a friend, a coworker, or a mental health professional. Holding onto the shame will only increase the impact it has on us. More likely than not, a lot of people are more understanding that we have been led to believe. A lot of people have likely had similar experiences as us and know how to handle it, or they know people who may have been through things and have their an understanding of what we're going through. We all assume we're alone in our suffering and shame, but more likely than not, we are more alike in experiences, and even if we don't have the same experiences as other, we are eager to listen and learn, and offer advice. Not everyone is going to react the way we think.

5. Self-Forgiveness

Part of being a human is making mistakes. Perfection is merely just a concept that will never be attainable, but so many stress over to achieve. All of us at some point in our lives have done things that we told ourselves that we would never do, or violate the morals and values we hold. This is something that we all do and sometimes we may consider ourselves as "bad" people because of them, but violations don't necessarily mean that. Sometimes our actions may have been linked to a certain situation or time in our lives and can change as we progress in life.

When we come to realize this and how we are all susceptible to being imperfect, it's a lot easier to forgive others, including ourselves. Self-forgiveness will help us to alleviate a lot of our shame and guilt. It can lead us to a change in our perspective and interpretation of the mistake we made. We learn to become a lot more compassionate kind towards ourselves as we begin to understand that we may have made said mistakes during a time where we didn't care how we behaved, as opposed to believing we are "bad" people.

Self-forgiveness, just like forgiving someone else, doesn't mean that we are approving, forgetting, or even denying the pain that we have caused to other people. It involves recognizing that we are imperfect, we make mistakes, and that we can accept our shortcomings and the consequences of our actions. We have to be okay with acknowledging and recognizing that we have both good and negative qualities, and that we also have strengths and weaknesses.

Here's how we can begin to work towards self-forgiveness:

What do I need to forgive myself for?

What impact did my actions have on myself on others?

How will it continue to affect me and others?

How do I imagine my life will be better if I can forgive myself?

Forgiveness begins with understanding. What life experiences have I had that might have contributed to what I did?

What would I think about someone else who did the same thing?

What are some positive aspects about myself that I usually ignore when I'm feeling guilty or ashamed?

In a compassionate and kind voice, how can I forgive myself for what I've done?

What are some qualities that I have that can help me to move forward?

Adapted from Mind Over Mood by Dennis Greenberger, Ph.d & Christine Padesky, Ph.d.

[ootori-sibs]

Kyoya's second shot

Episode sixteen: Boy's night!

Tw: hallucinations (mentioned), suicidal ideation.

10:29 - I haven't told the hosts that I've been grounded, they would likely ask why.

11:42 - Haruhi is taking the day off, almost didn't note this down, due to its obviousness. The hosts are attempting to fill me in on what I missed; they are attempting to claim she was cornered by many more then she was,

And scolding me for not paying attention.

"C'mon Kyoya-senpai, we're trying to fill you in here!" Hikaru whined, frowning at him, "what are you even writing?"

"I am paying attention, what I'm writing is notes on the situation." He rolled his eyes, what was it with the hosts and assuming he wasn't paying attention? Did they not know how he saw everything?

“What were you up to?” Honey had piped up curiously, “when Haru-chan was hurt? Tama-chan said you were busy.”

Well Kyoya couldn’t just tell him that Honey’s own brother was the reason for Kyoya’s absence. So he merely shrugged, “personally, I don’t see why that’s important information,” he also didn’t want to tell them he’d gotten hurt- they would be sure to ask too many questions.

Hikaru had been a bit rude this entire term, and this rule held firm now. He stared at Kyoya in suspicion, tone brash, “well it is important considering how you've been so damn rude to her this whole year!” It appeared he was angry. This was bad news, if one of the hosts doubted him, then it couldn't be too long until the others did as well. So Kyoya would have to quell their fears quickly- he may have to tell part of the truth.

He sighed, glancing down and putting on the expression of sadness. “Well if you’re going to accuse me, and truly believe i’d ever do that, then i am forced to tell you; I was in the hospital, I had sprained my ankle.” Silence fell over the hosts as he said that, eyes going to Kyoya’s ankle. Kyoya glanced back at Hikaru, seeing the instant guilt in the ginger’s face, “I didn’t want to tell you, because I felt it would be selfish when Haruhi required your entire attention.” That’s the kicker, the instan flash of guilt in his fellow hosts’ eyes as they realised how uncaring they’d been.

Tamaki gasped, clinging to Kyoya, "aw noo! Kyoooyyyaaa! That could never be selfish! You should have told us you were injured, we wouldn't have gotten angry or anything like that."

He had always been the sweetest person, Kyoya had to adore him even more in this moment. He just sighed and leant into Tamaki's touch, something he never did. The hosts reacted as he'd expected, surprise and the obvious reassessment of how they'd viewed any and all of Kyoya's recent actions- even Tamaki was surprised, pausing in his big dramatic comforting to wrap his arms around Kyoya gently, he was so warm… why was Tamaki always so warm?

Hikaru had apologized to Kyoya for being so accusatory, and Kyoya just sighed, "it's fine… I understand." He did, he understood, Hikaru was entirely correct.

"Hmm," Tamaki set his chin on Kyoya's head, he was always so clingy but Kyoya had to admit he loved it, "why don't we have a sleepover tonight? Just the boys?" Oh fuck, Kyoya knew that was going to come back to bite him. The other hosts seemed really keen on the idea, nodding and adding fun things they could do. Kyoya absolutely hated the idea of ruining his friends fun, especially if he was finally going to get the quality time with his friends that he'd wanted for so long.

He sighed, pushing Tamaki away. The poor king looked so confused and concerned, Kyoya couldn't look him in the eyes, hanging his head- the light hit his glasses in the wonderful way that hides his eyes. "I'm afraid I will not be able to join you."

"What? Why?" Tamaki sounded so hurt in that moment, but there was so much concern in his tone. Kyoya felt so much guilt as he heard the other boy's questioning.

"I've been grounded…" a heavy breath left his lips, he felt as if he had admitted to a crime, "I won't be able to attend the after-school session either, as father has forbidden extracurriculars for a week."

There was a silence that fell over the hosts, their expressions one of a deep shock- Kyoya never got in trouble, not to this degree at least. Not once before had any of his family been grounded either, the most being Akito getting forbidden from attending certain parties. Kyoya is an utter disappointment, and now the hosts could tell. "What did you do Kyo-chan? Why are you grounded?"

He swallowed in shame, not wanting to explain, he simply sighed, trying to come up with an excuse, "it's… it's nothing, you shouldn't worry about it. Enjoy your sleepover." Kyoya went to stand up, but Tamaki grabbed his arm, pulling him back.

"Kyoya wait, are you sure there's nothing we can do? If it's nothing then surely you can just talk to him about it? Maybe I can speak to him for you?"

"No!" Kyoya snapped, clasping his hands over his mouth, he never yelled, so the fact that it made him panic clearly showed the hosts that something was wrong, "I… I mean, it's not nothing but I just don't want to talk about such things, it's really not a big deal. Just have your stupid sleepover without me." With that, he yanked his arm away from Tamaki, grabbing his bag and heading to sit and wait in the classroom.

12:23 - The hosts will be having a sleepov Tamaki's being s The hosts know I am grounded and will be unable to join them for any activities for a week.

12:26 - I somehow feel even more alone

He didn't even help with the lunchtime session, ignoring the texts and missed calls. It didn't matter, it wasn't like he was of use anyway, he could do his one job from here. Which was how he spent all his freetime that day: doing the club finances. Tamaki sat next to him in every class, so it was nearly impossible to ignore him and Kyoya had to resort to speaking only when the question asked of him was of academic importance. It hurt him to ignore Tamaki like this, he loved him so much after all- but it had to be done, Kyoya had to keep the hosts from discovering the mess that he'd become.

It wouldn't be permanent anyway, his being a mess. Once he was with Tamaki, everything would get better, the world would be good again. Tamaki was so special, so wonderful, and Kyoya only needed a little bit of love to survive, and he'd fight for it; that love, he'd fight like he'd never fought before. He wanted to kill himself so much, but he promised himself that he wouldn't let that happen, in this moment he swore to himself that he could never kill himself until he had Tamaki.

I refuse to die until I am married.

He'd forgotten to write the date, he always wrote the date. He supposed it didn't really matter as it hadn't been too long since his last entry, only an hour or two. Besides; it wasn't like it was something that had happened in a specific time.

The first thing he did when he got home was breakdown in tears, leaning against the front door and sobbing. He knew this was dangerous; father could come along at any moment. So he got up, and he tried to wipe his tears, heading up the stairs to his room. Once he got up into his room, he broke down again, on the floor and sobbing. He felt horrible, he felt terrible, he couldn't breathe, he was shaking through sobs and gasping for breath. Kyoya managed to drag himself away from the door and to the window, laying down there and just sobbing his little heart out, staring out the window.

He'd never been grounded before, he'd never been such a disappointment in his life. He didn't know what to do or how to handle this, it was entirely new to him. Kyoya was a mess in the moment, tears spilling out in ways it shouldn't be; Kyoya wasn't supposed to be weak, Kyoya wasn't supposed to be a failure, Kyoya was supposed to be just like his brothers and perfect in every way.

He'd been laying there for a while, just crying and wishing he was never born. He had turned his phone off about three hours ago, he wanted to ignore the world for a bit. There was a knock… but it wasn't at his door, it was at his window. Hm, that wasn't where knocks were supposed to come from. Kyoya glanced over and- oh what the fuck? Why was Tamaki here?

"What the… Tamaki??" He sat up, rushing to open the window. He watched as Tamaki climbed in through the window, followed by the rest of the boys. It was certainly a spectacle and Kyoya found himself chuckling at the sight. "Why are you here??"

Tamaki sat up, smiling brightly, "well we couldn't just have a sleepover without you! Since you're grounded, I figured we'd have the sleepover here!"

God… that was the dumbest thing Kyoya had ever heard. He stared at Tamaki for a few minutes, unsure how to react, "are you trying to get me in trouble?"

"Noo! We wouldn't do that to you!" Tamaki clung to him, rubbing their faces together, Kyoya's face went red. "We'll be good, I promise."

Kyoya nodded, "alright then, but you have to be quiet." He stood up, wiping his tears and heading to his bed, were the hosts were gathering.

17:01 - For once, I feel loved.

So the hosts sat quietly around Kyoya's bed, whispering in hushed voices. It was almost fun to hide like this, the hosts almost made the fear fun. They spoke of spooky stories- the perfect topic for such a hushed tone. Keeping the lights off, they spoke of ghosts and ghouls, zombies and other assorted horrors.

When it was Kyoya's turn, he took the torch that was being passed around and took a level breath in. "Recently, only wednesday, Tamaki spent the night at my house," he began, noticing how confused the hosts were, that this story wasn't spooky in the slightest, he almost smiled, "it was after his argument with Haruhi. I had waited for him during it, though that part isn't important. What is important is the fact that I found myself waking up late at night, and whatever had woken me, didn't stir Tamaki in the slightest." He recalled the thing he saw, shivering, "it wasn't a human, it was too tall to be human. It was… almost a shadow with the way it looked, not fully corporeal…" he glanced back up at the hosts, noticing they looked a mix of hooked and concerned, he continued, "it flickered in the sliver of moonlight that came through the curtains, it's eyes gave off more light then that though. It was grabbing at the bedsheets, staring down at us with bright white eyes- I would have woken Tamaki if I had been able to move. It was a horrifying creature, not of this world. It caused no visible harm, but I still believe my story is superior.”

The hosts looked at him in shock, Tamaki's hands were shaking, “is that real? Did you really see it?”

Kyoya paused, god- did that make him sound crazy? He didn’t want the hosts to think him crazy. “N… no, no, it was… just a story. Nothing to worry about.” He smiled, passing the torch along. He was mentally kicking himself for having been so supid, why did he tell them that story? Why didn’t he make something up? Ugh, he was so stupid.

The night continued nicely, with the hosts sharing stories and talking about everything and nothing. For once in what felt like forever, Kyoya felt calm, he felt at peace. Eventually they went to sleep, all curled up on the bed in a big pile. Kyoya was incredibly warm, with his head resting on Mori and Tamaki clinging to his torso, the twins had their legs over his and were snoring quite softly. He was comfortable… he wished this could happen more often.

In the morning, the hosts snuck back out the window, not wanting to get caught. Kyoya woke up alone, colder than when he'd gone to bed. His first thought was that he wished they'd stayed, then he remembered that he was grounded and felt his heart sink. He noticed that the maid's had left him some coffee, but it was out of his reach, and he didn't want to get out of bed… so he just flops down and tries to go back to sleep.

[orionsangel86]

“I Think It’s Time For Me To Move On”

...And Other Things That Have Destroyed Me This Weekend...

So there is this common trope within love stories which generally happens at the end of the second act in which everything goes wrong and we all think that the lovers are doomed to failure. Its pretty much standard in every Jane Austen novel, every romantic film every made, every single bloody love story. Go ahead, name one. I guarantee you the break up moment is there.

Within the epic love story of Dean and Cas, there have been many break up moments, and all have had their emotionally devastating impact on the relationship and the show...

But THIS was a different level. 

(For a nice summary of Destiel break up moments and understanding of this trope, @tinkdw​ wrote about it here.)

I didn’t think that there would be another moment within Dean and Cas’s relationship that could hit me this hard. The mixtape in 12x19, the wrapping of Cas’s body in 13x01, and the return of Cas in 13x05 are moments that I consider to be the very top of the scale in making this pairing undeniably romantic. Moments that pushed it beyond a platonic interpretation. These three moments have been the things I cling to when the show has otherwise made me doubt any conclusion to the DeanCas story, and since there hasn’t been another one of those moments since 13x05, until now I have been somewhat nervous that the story was dropped, or being forced back behind a platonic screen. 

15x03 has ripped that screen away. 

Emotional meta under cut...

This entire episode was an emotion fuelled dramatic roller-coaster that killed off three characters including our beloved witch queen in a scene that almost stole the show and practically canonised the SamWitch ship. Rowena’s death should have been by far the most torturous moment for viewers to endure, and it was extremely torturous and had me sobbing on a plane 3 hours into a 7 hour flight. That incredibly heartfelt moment between Sam and Rowena will probably go down as one of the top tear-jerking moments on this show. It was tragic in the best way - the way Supernatural is famous for.

But lets not gloss over the fact that in an episode where THAT should have been the climax, where THAT should have been the emotional highlight and end point, instead we get a further MORE dramatic stand off between Dean and Cas that pulled focus and ripped all of our hearts out just as violently as poor Ketch in the first act (a very clever and smug piece of meta foreshadowing there Mr Berens).

On a meta level, this is HUGE as a writing choice because they MUST know how this looks. This was the climax of the third episode of the finale season. The way Supernatural has always structured itself since Carver era is that the first three mytharc episodes of each season establish the direction of the story and set the foundations for the character level focal points and dramatic key notes to come. 

That the writers have chosen to end the foundation episodes with a DeanCas break up moment that was more dramatic than a Spanish Telenovela has just stunned me and left me reeling because I just can’t see how else this can go. This break up scene absolutely DEMANDS a huge reconciliation of the sort that will be part of the A plot of the season - the FINAL SEASON. Guys. Part of the reason I have been so quiet and so disillusioned with the show during late season 13 and season 14 was because they pushed any Destiel plot into non existent territory - it became kinda irrelevant and Dean and Cas just acted like friends (homoerotic friends yes, and sometimes like an old married couple, but it was mostly played as an afterthought imo), so for this to suddenly be brought to the forefront of the emotional story again is excellent news for us. 

The thing is, like with those huge moments I listed above, the break up scene is basically undeniably romantic when you break it down to its components:

1. It’s only Dean and Cas. 

Once again we have another scene of high stake emotions that excludes Sam. In a platonic reading of the show, it makes zero sense for there to be such a hugely disjointed relationship between Cas and Dean and Cas and Sam given he has known them both for so long now that if they were all “just friends” then surely Sam would also feel the impact of Cas’s choices as heavily as Dean. In a platonic reading, Dean comes across as an asshole, Sam comes across as being weirdly uncaring about his friend of 10 years, and Cas comes across as not even bothering to get Sam’s opinion before leaving. A romantic reading makes sense because quite literally THIS IS A ROMANTIC BREAK UP.

2. The words spoken. 

“Well I don’t think there is anything left to say.”

“I think it’s time for me to move on”

From Cas’s perspective at least, name one time in a piece of media where such language has been used for a platonic breakup sincerely? There have been heartfelt break up songs that use these exact words. (I should know I’ve spent the last 24 hours listening to them all).

That last line in particular is so heavy. It’s the last line of the episode and nothing about it is platonic. This is relationship terminology my dudes. “I need to move on, and get over you.” This is Cas’s bloody Adele song. My heart breaks for him, but if I was his sassy and fabulous best girlfriend right now I’d be sitting him down, sipping a cocktail, flipping my hair and telling him “Babe, you’re too good for him. Good Riddance. Let’s go out, have some cocktails, something pink and fruity. No dive bars for us darling. I’ll take you to Heaven... the fun one in London.”

In all seriousness though, from Cas’s perspective, this was him admitting defeat and giving up the fight for love. How anyone can possibly say Cas isn’t in love with Dean after this, well I just don’t know what show you are watching. This is the face of a heartbroken man who has just accepted that his love is unrequited. 

3. The many faces of Dean Winchester

On the other end of the scale, Dean was mostly silent after his poisonous words “And why does that something always seem to be you?”

Forgive the terrible gif quality I’ve no time for fancy gif work!

Look at his face here. He knows what he said was fucked up and he immediately regrets it. The way he swallows around that regret and then turns away.

and after Cas says that devastating final line and walks away? We get THIS reaction from him:

The jaw clench as he looks down. The sorrow on his face as he realises he has well and truly fucked this up. LOOK

Finally, he looks up, makes himself look up and watch Cas leave. If that isn’t the face of a broken man I dunno what to tell you. Anyone who thinks Dean is totally heartless and uncaring right now needs to reassess because this is NOT the face of someone uncaring. This is the face of someone who has just lost everything. Again. 

4. The FUCKING MUSIC

Seriously. The sweeping heavy drama of the low strings that come in right after Dean says that horrid line, that carry the weight of the look of horror and heartbreak on Cas’s face as they amplify the emotion there. As they blend seamlessly into the slow and subtle version of the Winchester family theme behind Cas’s heartbreaking speech and Dean’s stubborn stoic face hiding a multitude of emotion, until the violin dominates as Cas says “I think it’s time for me to move on” and the Winchester Theme swells to its climax, ripping all our hearts out just like poor Ketch as Dean watches Cas walk out of his life surrounded by darkness. 

I MEAN.

A friend on Twitter reminded us all of this point about the importance of this theme via @justanotheridijiton​ here which is essentially:

“The Winchester theme is not simply an aural marker to let the audience know when and how Sam and Dean love each other (any Supernatural fan knows that is the baseline of their relationship), but to provide narrative information, especially when the image and dialogue are incomplete or inconsistent with the true situation...  Seasoned fans will recognize the theme and its history of being paired with images indicating deep emotional bonding and a desire to do the right thing by the Winchester code. Here we trust our ears over our eyes to reveal the truth.”

So here is yet another key indicator that any surface read that this is actually an ending between Dean and Cas and that Dean really is just an angry asshole is utter bullshit. 

Honestly, this was PAINFUL, but it was painful in the best way. It was 13x01 levels of pain, but this time it was Cas choosing to walk away which makes all the difference. Dean’s greatest fear isn’t his loved ones dying on him after all, but of his loved ones choosing to leave him. This was exactly the kick up the ass Dean needs in order to win Cas back, classic love trope style. 

Hence my excitement at what is to come. Yes we won’t see Cas again until 15x06, but in the meantime I fully expect a good helping of angst and wallowing from a depressed Dean who has to deal with the fact that he has just lost the love of his life and it is all his fault. That he just pushed away the one person who promised they would always stay by his side. That has got to hurt. 

So yeah, this episode emotionally destroyed me, and I’ve only really covered the primary reason, let alone all my feels over SamWitch, Rowena’s death, Belphegor’s taunting of Cas over his deepest fears and then having to suffer through smiting a creature wearing the face of his son until his body was nothing but a burnt corpse... I wonder if Bobo had a bet going in the office over how much he could hurt us all? He was certainly enjoying scrolling through the Supernatural tag on Twitter and liking everyone’s reaction tweets including some brilliant Destiel related ones. I do love Bobo. Our Angst Goblin King. 

If anyone had asked me a few weeks ago what my thoughts were on the chances of getting explicit canon Destiel by series end, I would have said somewhere in the realms of 30-40%, considering it a battle of wills between DabbBerens and CW studio execs who I still feel are against it in general. I would have considered everything that happened after 13x06 as the writers getting a big NO on Destiel from the network and therefore having to pull back on any Destiel related plot points (purely my own speculation on BTS matters of course).

Now I am wondering if Dabb kept fighting the network? If he managed to wear them down into begrudging acceptance? I’m currently up to around an 80% chance of textual canon DeanCas if we continue on this path. If Dean is clearly shown to be mourning and hating himself over Cas next episode, and if this DeanCas dramatic plot line continues to be a focal point of the emotional story arcs... well...

I’m side eyeing 15x07 a lot right now. Only in my wildest dreams would I think that they might actually introduce an old boyfriend for Dean in a “coming out” episode, but the placement, timing, and potential is all there and I’m kind of once again donning the clown mask because I’m just in awe at everything that they are doing. I guess we’ll find out soon enough. In the meantime, I’m gonna paint my face in red and white and wear my rainbow wig and listen to break up songs on Spotify whilst trying to shove my heart back into my chest where Bobo Beren’s gleefully ripped it out with his hands like the demonic angst goblin he is. Wish me luck, I’m not sure I’m gonna get through this season with my emotions intact.

[tsuki-chibi]

Blueberry Peach (Adrien AUGreste) Part 4: Chocolate chip cookie

Or read it on AO3: Blueberry Peach

Also find the other parts of the series AO3: Fruitful verse

--------

The next morning, Marinette actually climbed out of bed a whole hour before her alarm went off - in other words, a whole two hours before she usually scrambled out of bed. Adrien was a quiet, slumbering presence in the back of her mind as she got dressed and packed up her school bag. She scooped a sleepy Tikki into her purse and made her way downstairs, where she found her maman in the kitchen.

"Hi Maman. Are you feeling better?" Marinette asked.

Sabine smiled at her. "Much better, but where do you think you're going this early?"

"Um... to school? To finish my project with Chloé?" Marinette lied, holding her bag up as proof and hoping that her maman wouldn't ask too many questions. Technically she was still supposed to be grounded for having gone out while Zombizou was attacking the city, but sometimes, if she was very lucky, her parents would forget about her punishments if they got too wrapped up in the bakery.

"What kind of project is this?" Sabine asked suspiciously.

"It's a presentation," Marinette said, edging towards the door. "I'm going to be late, Maman. You know what Chloé is like. I really don't want to make her mad this early."

Sabine didn't look convinced, but she nodded. "Alright. Take some pastries with you for breakfast. Maybe they'll help you butter Chloé up."

"Not likely," Marinette said wryly, slipping some shoes on. The only thing that seemed to have warmed Chloé up was the fact that Marinette was Adrien's soulmate, and that Adrien was fiercely protective of his lady. Chloé was too scared of losing Adrien to keep up her vendetta against Marinette. It would've been easy to be spiteful or petty and put some cracks in Chloé's and Adrien's relationship, but Marinette didn't want to do that. Adrien had too few friends as it was, and Chloé was - sort of - not too bad of a person once you got to know her better.

She headed downstairs to the bakery kitchen and received a box of half a dozen croissants from her papa. Marinette tucked the box under her arm as she made her way outside and ducked into an alley. Tikki emerged from her purse as Marinette set down her bag and started reorganizing her things to make the box fit inside.

"Are you taking those to Master Fu?" Tikki asked.

"God no," Marinette said, shaking her head. "He doesn't deserve them."

Tikki sighed. "I don't disagree, but..."

"But?" Marinette looked up at her kwami. It warmed her heart to see Tikki floating there.

"The guardian of the miraculous is an important figure," Tikki said slowly, as though searching for the right words. "He could make life very difficult for you and Adrien."

"He can't take our miraculous away again," Marinette said sharply.

"No, I don't think he would. He's learned his lesson in that respect," Tikki said, and she sounded a bit smug.

"I get where you're coming from, Tikki. But I'm not going to bow down to someone who doesn't deserve my respect. And so far, Master Fu has just made bad decisions. First he took our miraculous away and then he gave my miraculous to Lila. Lila! Of all people!" Marinette huffed, snapping her bag shut. "I'll be polite, but that's about all he's earned."

Her ire was enough to wake Adrien, who startled awake and thought, 'What? What's wrong? Akuma?' in a half-asleep daze.

'No akuma. Just having a chat with Tikki,' Marinette thought, pushing aside her frustration. She felt guilty for waking him up, which of course Adrien picked up on.

'It's fine, My Lady,' he thought, muffling a yawn. 'Though I do have to wonder what you're doing awake so - ah, you weren't kidding about interrogating Master Fu.'

'Damn straight I'm not,' Marinette thought back.

"You're right," Tikki said, drawing Marinette's attention back to her. She was smiling. "I'm proud of you, Marinette. You've grown up a lot."

"Thanks Tikki," Marinette said, touched. "Does that mean you'll let me transform and take the quick way to Master Fu's?"

Tikki pretended to think about it. "Well..."

"Come on. There's four chocolate chip cookies up for grabs," Marinette coaxed.

"Deal," Tikki said instantly.

"Great! Tikki, spots on!"

Ladybug took her yoyo from her hip and threw it up at the top of the nearest building; it snagged and jerked her off her feet, hauling her up onto the roof. She headed for Master Fu's house as Adrien, yawning, crawled out of bed and into his computer chair. They both had homework they hadn't finished, so Adrien started working away at it. Though his attention definitely started to wander when Ladybug landed outside Master Fu's shop and slipped through the - surprisingly unlocked, given the early hour - front door.

"Master Fu?" she called out, and a small, familiar form emerged from the hallway.

"Good morning, Ladybug. It's nice to see you again," Wayzz said politely.

"Hello Wayzz," Ladybug said with a smile. She looked at the kwami for a moment, then added, "Say, Wayzz, when you transform with someone, what kind of power do they get?"

Wayzz didn't seem surprised by the question but answered readily. "As the kwami of protection, I offer my holder the power of protection. Typically, their weapon is a shield. When they use their power, it generates a spherical green force field that is almost impenetrable. It can be expanded to cover a large distance, or contracted to -"

"Wayzz!" Master Fu said sharply as he entered the room.

"Hello, Master," Ladybug said coolly as Wayzz went quiet. "I asked him."

Master Fu frowned at her. "That information is private, Ladybug."

"But you said you wanted me to become the guardian someday, so I need to know," she countered, crossing her arms.

"I said that you were a potential candidate," Master Fu replied. "Not that I had completely made up my mind. Certain factors have recently made me reassess your suitability."

'Ouch,' Adrien thought.

Ladybug clenched her fists. "That's ridiculous,” she said, feeling a bit like Chloé. “Just because Chat can hear what I’m thinking doesn’t change anything! I’m still just as capable as I was before!” She didn’t understand why he didn’t want Chat knowing these things, but it was really pissing her off.

“It’s more complicated than you realize,” said Master Fu, which she didn’t think was true at all.

‘Tell him you need to know because of battles,’ Adrien thought.

“We need to know about the different miraculous because of battles,” Ladybug said. “We got lucky this time. The Bee was exactly what we needed. But it might not have been, and we can’t waste precious time during a fight explaining the situation to you and letting you pick out the miraculous that works best. It would be much more efficient if you’d explain it now.” She stared him down, daring him to argue.

“She has a point, Master,” Wayzz ventured. “During akuma attacks, time is of the essence.”

Master Fu sighed. “I suppose you’re right,” he said. “Will Chat Noir be joining us?”

“Yeah, he will,” Ladybug said firmly.

‘I will?’ Adrien thought.

‘I want him to know he’s telling the both of us,’ Ladybug thought.

‘… I can be there in five minutes,’ Adrien thought.

“He’ll be here shortly,” Ladybug added.

“Very well. This way.” Master Fu stepped aside to allow her entrance to the back part of the shop. Feeling like she’d earned them a victory, however small, Ladybug walked back as Chat jumped out the window of the mansion and started heading their way.

[purelafemme]

Part 4 of Self Reflection 2020

16. What got in the way of your success? 

I would not say anything in particular really got in the way of my success. Sure some things did not go as planned this year but I still made some great strides in my professional and academic career. I would say though that the pandemic interrupted my productivity levels over this year, but I needed the rest anyway and this global pandemic is unprecendented. 

17. What would you do differently if you could? 

It’s hard to say what I would have done differently if I could. The main thing looking back on this year that I would have liked to change is having more faith in God when he was working out those two situations for me regarding my job and relationship. I had so much anxiety and fear during that time and was allowing my self-doubt to creep in. I also wish I would have appreciated my final semester at Harvard a bit more than I did because now hat time seems so long ago and I miss some of the friends and connections I made there. 

18. How are you different than a year ago? 

This year gave me the space to really get into myself more-- a concept that is vital for me as I am becoming more intentional about the kind of woman I want to be. This year I really got to tap more into my artistic and entrepeneurial side a bit with my business, and reach an important weight loss goal. I am just in a much better mental space this year with being more clear about what I want and who i want to become. I have grown into consciousness this year and I am ready to make important strides to take the steps neccessary to getting to where I need to be. 

19. What did you do for your physical and mental health? 

i started going to therapy again in the beginning of the year, which was a vital experience for me and really gave me the space to work through some of my anxieties with making a big transition, dealing with the pandemic, stressing over the future , how I show up in relationships, and working through my relationship traumas, It also taught me how to advocate for myself. I also once again appreciate Amber for inspiring me to hire a trainer and really hone in on nutrition and making critical progress on my wellness journey. 

20. Who or what had the biggest impact on your life this year?

The pandemic has had the biggest impact on my life this year of course because it disrupted the flow of life in such a major way and caused a bunch of uncertainty. Of course I am blessed beyond measure that no one in my family has been deeply affected or has passed away from the virus but all in all life has been not anything I expected and has affected the quality of my job, the level of motivation I have, my living situation, my social and professional interactions. But it has actually positively affected my finances, gave me the time to slow down and get some much needed rest, and of course to pause and reflect, and reassess some areas of my life. 

[rosesloveletters]

Hi Rose🌻🌹

I hope it's okay for me to reply to you this way, and I hope I'm not annoying you with this😅 I just wanted to thank you appropriately for your lovely and thoughtful comments on my last post. They really made me cry and think🥺 But in a good way, I guess it's good to let the emotions out sometimes. You have no idea how much you and your kind words mean to me💓💓 I am so endlessly grateful to you and your support! I love you so much!💛🧡

I'm sorry for being so negative. I've been in a really bad mood lately because of my anxieties and worries about uni, but also because the heat is getting to me health-wise. I'm sleeping poorly and struggling with headaches and now with an earache too. And it's just a bad habit of mine that when I don't feel good, I pull away from others. Especially from J. I feel unworthy, like the biggest failure. But self-shipping is supposed to help me, right? So I guess you're right. I should let J help and love me (in his own way), especially now when I need him. I really have to pull myself together and look at things a little more positively.

(God, I apologize for bothering you with my personal stuff and for being so whiny😔)

But more importantly, how are you doing, darling? How is everything? I hope things are going well for you and you're taking care of yourself. Are you spending lots of quality time with your Jakob and Will?🥺 And hopefully with J and Pat too?❤️ Also, please know that if you ever want to talk about anything, I'm here for you. Or if there's anything else I can do for you. You mean the world to me and I hope I can give you back the same love and support you give me! I love you so much and I'm thinking of you!💛🧡

Hi Sue!🌻💛✨

It is more than alright for you to respond to me this way, darling, whichever is most comfortable for you is always okay with me! You are most welcome (though you do not need to thank me; I'm always happy to make sure you know how lovely and amazing you are!) I hope you are feeling better now, darling, and I'm so pleased to know I could bring a little relief from the situation and how you were feeling. It is good to release those pent up emotions from time to time; keeping them all bottled up isn't healthy. Though I recommend finding healthy and positive ways to release those emotions and it sounds as if that is exactly what you have done and I am so proud of you! Thank you for saying so darling; you mean just as much to me🌻💛 I love you very much too - I am grateful to call you a very good friend💛

There is absolutely no need to apologize; you are completely valid for feeling the way that you are and there is nothing wrong with feeling any kind of emotion. Humans are able to feel emotion for a reason and you should never feel bad or guilty for experiencing them. The difference is whether those emotions cause us to react in negative ways or not; we must always keep ourselves in check and react appropriately regardless. You are a very lovely person and I know you always respond appropriately to how you are feeling, so there is nothing wrong with that darling. Let yourself feel, expel the bad emotions and then let yourself heal from them. I empathize with you completely, because I respond in the very same way whenever I do not feel good. I restrain myself and pull back from those most important to me. I think that perhaps you are needing a break, darling. I sense that you need some time to yourself; give yourself a breather and do something for you and only you. Have your favorite comfort meal or watch your favorite comfort show or listen to songs that put you at ease. Give yourself the space you need and with time you will come back to yourself. I have found, at least in my own experience, that giving myself a break from the fast pace of the world usually gives me the chance to build up enough strength to reenter it all. I hope that you can get your earache under control - those can get very painful and I sincerely hope you're feeling better now💛

You are exactly right, darling. I have always said this but I would like to re-iterate (and I mean this in the nicest way possible): if self-shipping/the way in which you self-ship is hurting you, then you are doing it wrong. In my opinion, self-shipping is meant to be an all-around positive thing and it should not hurt you or upset you. I don't mean feeling the way that you are, darling, because we all get insecure from time to time. I simply mean that, if we are using our self-ships as a means to make ourselves or others feel worse, then it is time to reassess. J loves you very much, darling, even if he doesn't say it conventionally. You are allowed to view J's character any way that you want; your own opinion on the character is not hurting anyone and therefore there is absolutely nothing wrong with it. You are valid and so are your thoughts and opinions. J loves everything about you and he is rooting for you; he knows and understands how much you are stressing and he would want to take you away from those things and have you let loose with him a while. I promise you that these negative feelings will pass, darling, if you give yourself proper time to process and heal from them.

(There is no need to apologize, darling! Please don't feel like you are bothering me, I am always here to help any way I can💛)

Thank you very much, darling! I am doing very well💛 I went blueberry picking this morning and I was so much fun getting out early and being beneath the sun and listening to the birds chirping. I love that sort of thing; it always calms me. I've been kept quite busy with Jakob and Will. They've always got things they're wanting to do and adventures they want to go on, but I have kept them mostly to myself these days. If I do not keep Will and Jakob from the world, then who knows what they'll go out and do lmao. Their friends are chaotic enough so they don't need any more! J stopped in to check on me the other day and I was grateful to him for that; he keeps Pat safe and loved while they are not with me and I love that about them🥺

Thank you very much, darling, the same goes for you if there's ever anything that you need or would like to talk about. I'm always here for you🌻💛 you give back to me in so many ways already darling, thank you for sending this ask in and I apologize for the length of my response😅 I love you very much; please take care and know I'm sending you lots of love and good vibes.

[efrmellifer]

Telling the Bees

“Telling the bees is a traditional European custom in which bees would be told of important events in their keeper's lives, such as births, marriages, or departures and returns in the household.”

This was the idea I had. Several of them. I remembered!

I.

Her time on the First had affected Etien’s process of waking up. She was more aware now of the ambient environment before she even opened her eyes.

Smells—well, there were other reasons she was more sensitive to smells now, but still—hit her while she stayed silent, stationary, eyes closed. No sharp nose-stinging Sin Eater smell, nothing floating on an eternal Crystarium wind, just the familiar scent of wood smoke and a comforting, light birch-and-parchment fragrance.

Combined with the warmth that surrounded her, Etien knew that when she opened her eyes, it would be to see her home.

And indeed it was. As her eyelids lifted, it was to Aymeric brushing back a lock of her hair from her eyes.

“Well, good morning, ser,” she said with a giggle. “You’re up a little early.”

“I am. I was thinking.”

“Oh? What about?” She moved to sit up.

Aymeric gestured for her to stay lying down. “Please, stay in bed. You weren’t going anywhere, were you?”

“Well, the construction of the Abacus—”

“...will continue without your contributions, my dearest.” He leaned across the space between them to kiss her forehead. “You’ve saved Ishgard already, you can let other people fix her up.” He gave her a sweet smile. “After all, you have your own hard work to do building new living beings.”

Etien looked down at her stomach, even though there was still nothing there to see. “I suppose. Am I barred from the Diadem completely?”

Aymeric thought, gaze sliding from Etien’s face to the corner of his eyes. “No, not completely. But please make those excursions short.”

Etien nodded. “All right. So what was it that you had been thinking about?”

Now he cleared his throat, a look of slight frustration coming over his face as he returned to the problem he’d been turning over in his mind while Etien slept. “How we’re going to… break the news. We were quick to announce the engagement. And we were very publicly married; three-quarters of the city was there. But this one is rather more sticky.”

Etien tilted her head. “Is it?”

“Unfortunately. Pregnancy is a rather quietly conducted affair in Ishgard. Not for shame reasons—well. Shame certainly can play a role in the hushed nature. You heard the story of Hilda’s mother. But mostly it’s the climate. Nearing ten years of constant winter is harsh, but the dragons were harsher. Even if the Temple Knights are always itching for ranks to be filled, best not to get our hopes up. Though, we have no need to fear dragons now. Thanks to you, I might add.”

Etien sighed. “I see.”

“It’s early yet, is all,” Aymeric said in an attempt to soothe her. “Though, in my opinion, that is no reason for us not to tell our nearest and dearest the good news. Which leaves us with two main concerns: Lord Edmont and Estinien.”

II.

Estinien let himself in, like he usually did, and wasn’t very surprised by the sight of Etien perched on the loveseat like she usually was, but there was something off about it.

It didn’t feel wrong or bad, just different in a way he couldn’t put his finger on.

He shed his coat, though, hanging it by the door by Etien and Aymeric’s everyday outerwear, and then made his way back to join Etien, sitting down.

“Do you want coffee, Estinien?”

“Not if you have to go to trouble for it.”

The way Etien’s eyelids lifted, as if in shock, only added to the mystery of the situation, but as she stammered her way through an “I— well— all right. But don’t hesitate to ask,” Estinien was already settling again.

“Is everything all right?” he asked her. “You have this air of frisson, and I’ve followed you into situations much more dangerous than this.”

She swallowed, lifting a hand to cover her mouth. “Everything is fine.” She took a deep breath, then gave him a smile. “I’m not trying to worry you, I’m sorry.”

He sat back in his chair.

Aymeric came into the room then, carrying a tray. He greeted Estinien, then put the tray down on the table and started unloading it.  First, he placed down the pot of rooibos tea in front of Etien, and she smiled again, thanking him.

As Aymeric kept working, Estinien commented with a little snort,“One would think you were the viscountess by birth, and him your humble servant-come-lover arrived from the Shroud.”

Etien giggled. “I promise you, I don’t ask him to do this. I’m certainly not about to kick these shoes off and use him as a footstool or any of that nonsense. No, he, uh—well, he does it because of what I’m about to tell you.”

“Oh? And what might that be?”

“We’re…” Her ears flattened. “I’m expecting.”

“Why the nerves? It’s not mine, is it?”

She choked on her tea just as Aymeric sat down next to her, setting a hand on her back. She lifted a hand to signify she was okay, but he didn’t remove his hand, just rubbed her back as she started to speak.

“There’s no way of knowing that until they’re born,” she said, playing with the handle of her teacup. “And the likelihood of it is down to calculations, I think. Not something I thought much about.”

“Nor should you, really. I forget sometimes how you respond to even light jests when you’re already on edge.” He glanced down to the teapots, then up to Aymeric. “Might I have a cup of that?”

He poured Estinien a cup of tea, laughing softly (as he always did) when Estinien’s nose crinkled after the first sip.

“I still don’t understand how you two drink this,” he grumbled into the delicate china.

Etien giggled before taking another sip of her tea. “Even before now, my hands shake if I have too much, which is dangerous in my line of work.”

“A line of work that surely you’ll be temporarily removed from?” he asked, eyebrows lifting.

“Well, yes,” she responded with a sigh. “Can’t say I’ll miss all of it. But I will be taking a break. Aymeric is going to be making sure of it.”

“Good. Someone has to keep you still for five minutes.”

“You know, I do miss Ishgard when I’m not here. I’ll enjoy the break, and getting to be here for longer than a moon at a time.”

“So long as we’re all happy about this.”

“Are we?” she asked, inner corners of her eyebrows pitching upwards.

Estinien rose from his seat, coming to a knee in front of her. With a grin that indicated the slight degree of sarcasm, he took her hand. “Mistress Mellifer, or Lady Borel, if you prefer—” he laughed when she flustered— “I’m thrilled for the two of you.”

III.

There was an almost amusing degree of awkwardness as Etien and Aymeric sat down in the foyer of Fortemps Manor.

Still, this took much less bravery than confronting the Archbishop had, or facing the True Brotherhood of the Faith.

So, hands entwined, both with palms sweating, they delivered the good news to the grandfather-to-be.

“Lord Edmont...er, Father. We have some news for you,” Etien began.

He sat down, keen to hear what they had to share with him. “News from the two of you? That is nearly a guarantee of something exciting.”

“A little more exciting for us and our family, to be sure,” Aymeric agreed. “In any event, we came to tell you that in a matter of moons, the family is going to be growing. We aren’t sure yet by how many. Apparently, it’s difficult to gauge the size of Miqo’te litters until much later in the pregnancy.”

A long pause extended between the two couches. As the seconds ticked by, Etien sank her teeth into her lip as she waited for Edmont’s reaction. She didn’t harbor any fear of a negative reaction—that would be highly irregular compared to everything up to this point, to begin with—but she was hoping this surprise wasn’t too much to take in.

He beamed. “Oh, how wonderful! I did wonder when this day would arrive, and it has so much sooner than I dared to hope. I take it you’ve been confined to Borel Manor for the foreseeable future, barring any emergencies?”

Etien laughed. “Not quite. As far as I’m aware, I’m still allowed to take some light travel for a little while longer, and then be reassessed later on. Then I will be corralled into Ishgard, if not the house, until my due date. Whenever that ends up being. Hard to calculate now.”

“My goodness, you really do set out to break every barrier put before you, don’t you?” Edmont asked, fondness in his tone. “Forging peace, righting wrongs committed years to a millennium ago, and now as always, defying the odds. I must admit, I half-expected you to be out there working to rebuild the Firmament by yourself.”

“She did nearly attempt to start that the other day,” Aymeric said dryly.

“Ah. Well, no surprise there.” He laughed. “Help Halone out a little as She keeps you, and take things at a speed slightly slower than breakneck, just this once. For all of us.”

Etien let her eyes shut as she nodded. “I will.”

IV.

When Feo Ul had promised that there was always the realm of the dreams, they had been completely serious, and Etien was glad of it. They happened to come for a visit, all bubbles and brightness, on a night where she had been struggling to fall asleep.

“Feo!” She cried, wrapping them up in a hug. “You have impeccable timing.”

“And you do not, my sapling. I’ve been trying to get into your dreams for ages! What kept you up so late? What burdens your heart?”

“Oh, physical discomforts,” she sighed. She’d been doing a fair amount of sighing again. “Just hard to get rest now, I suppose.”

“Shall I have Thon Sul see what they can do for you? As long as we remain here in the dream realm, you’ll have sweet, peaceful sleep, but if getting here is what’s giving you trouble…”

“I don’t know if they can help me. They certainly can’t—Feo, there was something I wanted to tell you.”

“Oh? Have you taken an especially eventful journey you wish to tell me of?”

“Well, I haven’t taken it yet,” Etien said. “But I wanted you to know. The fae like to be kept apprised of these sorts of things, don’t they?”

Feo Ul’s eyes lit up as their expression grew even more keen. “What new path is my ephemeral flower about to embark upon? I stand ready to bestow my blessings!”

She smiled. “Thank you, Feo.” She took a deep breath. “I’m—”

“Oh, don’t tell me!” They chirped, fluttering around her. “You do have that glow.”

“You’re not the first person to tell me that,” Etien replied with a laugh.

“Good, because it’s true. Already you wear the mantle so well. As you wore those placed upon you in your time here.” They paused, looking her in the eyes. “Remember what I told you, about the moment and place you’re in. From what I hear, it goes by fast for you mortals.” They floated lower than Etien’s eye level then, laying their hands just under her breastbone. “I can’t make a pact with them like I did with you, but they’re just as blessed by the fae.” With a nod, they rose again, gazing into Etien’s misty eyes. “Oh my sapling, you have no idea how glad I am those are tears of joy. I worried so when you cried before.”

Etien wiped at her eyes. “What cause would I have to cry now, Feo? I have the best of the worlds here at my fingertips, at the fringes of my mind.”

“And here we’ll remain,” they assured her. “Now, get your rest. You’ll need it for your new adventure.”

With a light sigh, Etien did as she was told, mind eased by the dream spun around her, and the dreams she had coming true.

[ernmark]

Man in Glass (pt 1) reactions

Spoilers under the cut.

I love that the season started with yet another fakeout, with Juno starting a typical monologue and then Peter promptly telling him to shut up and taking over as the narrator.

The thing about narrators is that they can be difficult, and it can be really easy to fall into the trap of using the wrong narrator just because they’ve been appropriate up until now.

In my experience, the best narrators for a given story are often the ones who are competent and present enough to be able to convey what’s going on, but also are at enough of a disadvantage to have actual conflict and tension. And I think that, up until now, that made Juno an excellent narrator even when he wasn’t the protagonist of a given story.

But when last we saw Juno, he was probably in the best place that we’ve ever seen him. He’s taking the effort to grow and improve himself (which, while important, is full of so many itty bitty checks and reassessments that it gets a little tedious to see in person), but he’s also left an altogether toxic environment and entered one where he’s surrounded by people who trust him and are good at communicating with him (Vespa aside). And you could hear it in his voice in that opening monologue—he’s more confident and at ease than he’s ever been.

And sure, Kevin and Sophie could yank him out of that and shove him into more trauma, but that’s exhausting. So Juno has a fairly low-stakes mission, very reminiscent of Midnight Fox. Our lady needs a break (and, apparently, a really kickass ball gown).

Enter Peter Nureyev.

Peter’s got conflict coming out his ears right now. Apparently he’s in debt up to his eyeballs (over what? to whom?), he’s dealing with some major resentment and animosity toward Juno (despite being very obviously besotted over him, which is beautifully complicated), and he’s trapped in a situation where he depends on Juno to vouch for him in order to keep this job that he so desperately needs.

And oh my god, listening to Peter’s voice is a delight. There is just so much going on in there, and I love it, especially with how profusely he compartmentalizes. This man is a ball of overconfidence and anxiety, and he keeps folding up his every spare thought and filing them away, and that leaves a sea of ideas and reactions half-thought and pushed aside. And did I mention conflict? Because that’s all his head is. It’s in the mix of love and disdain for Mag every time he brings up Mag’s teachings. It’s in the way he describes Juno—with derision, with seething jealousy, with longing, with trailing thoughts that are suddenly cut off before he can finish thinking them. (My god, he’s got it bad. I love this so much.) He’s pissed as hell with Juno—and rightfully so—but he has to make an active effort not to be drawn in again. This time it’s Juno who needs to charm him. Also, it’s so wonderful to finally hear exactly what about Juno draws him in. And I think that largely it’s his sincerity—he’s real in a way Peter tries so hard not to be, and Peter seems to both hate and adore that about him.

And I think that’s exactly why this mission is happening, in-universe. Because Buddy is a good, solid leader, and she knows how to handle Juno to bring out the best in him, and how to read him. Even if Vespa hadn’t pointed it out, I don’t think she missed the fact that Juno and Peter used to be romantically involved. The tension is too palpable for that, and Peter’s disdain is too one-sided. She knows Juno wouldn’t ordinarily put up with that. Also, Juno choking on his coffee at the first (deliberately placed) implication that he and Peter were sleeping together was a pretty big giveaway.

So naturally, she forces them to work together right off the bat. She puts Juno in a pretty dress and makes sure he’s the belle of the ball, makes the two of them play happy newlyweds, and lets the chips fall as they may. If this mission ends with the tension dissipated and the two of them in bed together, fantastic. If they don’t make up, but they manage to pull it off and work well together despite the obviously uncomfortable circumstances, then that’s great, too. But if they prove entirely incapable of working together under stress, then that tells her everything she needs to know. And my money says that Peter would be the one to get the boot. Juno’s got proven results with everybody else on the crew, sans Vespa. Peter is entirely unproven, and it would be significantly faster and cheaper to find someone new than to try to overcome that kind of bad blood.

It is a superb strategy. I wholeheartedly approve.

And I love that this situation—which, like I said, I feel was engineered on Buddy’s part to create conflict—is taking something that would ordinarily be extremely straightforward and making it complicated. Yes, Juno got bored and acted stupidly. That’s undeniable. But that could easily be worked around if Peter had deigned to actually engage with him, rather than shove him into a corner on a fool’s errand. If he’d let Juno get a word in edgewise, he might have had an incredible advantage in the auction. Instead he shot himself in the foot with his own jealousy and hurt.

And let me reiterate here: Peter has every right to feel hurt. Juno was an absolute asshole the last time he saw him, and Peter is entitled to the pain he’s feeling. It makes sense that he wants to curl up in his shell and refuse to depend on anyone else for anything ever again. But this is not the time or the place to indulge that impulse, and if he’s not careful, it’s going to cost him his spot on this pirate crew.

And for once, Juno is the one reaching out. He’s trying to start conversations with Peter. He wants to talk about what’s hanging between them. He’s trying to make amends. This time it’s Peter who needs to accept the compassion he’s being offered.

 My predictions:

“The Man In Glass” doesn’t refer exclusively to Peter. I think there’s another person (or object?) that fits that description. My money says it has something to do with what happened to Nova a year ago, when she was robbed.

Nova isn’t nearly as wealthy/powerful as she pretends to be. Giving herself access to everyone else’s money means she can tamper with it somehow. Also, she was way too nervous about the bidding for the map. Maybe she promised it to someone in particular? Maybe they were supposed to win it in the auction, but Juno outbid them too quickly, so she had to take drastic measures?

Juno is gonna get chummy with Nova and “lend” her Peter. I suspect he’s going to request the map in exchange, but she’ll refuse, and Peter will accept whatever terms she gives instead on the premise that he can steal it out from under her nose. Bonus points for the chance to make Juno as jealous as Peter obviously is.

Peter’s going to keep insisting on doing everything by himself and dig himself in progressively deeper until Juno gallantly comes to his rescue and sweeps him off his feet. This is going to start the ball rolling on Peter trusting Juno again, but it won’t mend things between them. Not by a long shot.

Nova finds the man of her dreams, and he turns out to be none other than Cecil Kanagawa. Possibly Juno even introduces them.