#and looking at them would just make me upset with myself that i was too scared to take pics while we were there

[just-some-random-blogger]

Make You Mine

You make a mess out of everything and your husband makes a mess out of you.

Otto Hightower x Reader | 1k+ | cw: fem!reader, wife!reader, menace to society!otto, smut (cunnilingus, overstimulation), fluff ig?, typos, etc.

A/N: madison beer ahh title. i just want this old man to fuck me so i dont think of anything else. IM SORRY I HAVE NOT PROOFREAD THIS FILTH I HAVE TO GO TO WORK ILL COME BACK TO IT edit: i was too hasty and it didnt post before i left anyway goodnight manila. This is part of my birthday haberdashery

"Lord Hand."

Otto, with his clenched jaw, looks up from his desk upon hearing the door open. Whatever anger he wished to spit out fades when he sees your face. He releases the papers in his hands, the line between his brows softens. He mutters, "Lady Hightower."

He leans back as you walk over. You link your fingers behind you. When you bite your lip, he knows exactly why your here. Still, he asks, "what can I do for you?"

"Do not be cross," you mutter.

He chuckles under his breath. He spreads his legs, eager to play your game, "do not delay then."

His smile slowly flattens when you rapidly ramble. The truth is, your voice is so high pitched and frantic he can hardly make out a word that you were saying. Then of course, you had to start getting red and teary eyed.

"Enough," he mutters.

You do not hear him. You are far to upset by the errors you say you've done that you cannot think of anything else.

Otto speaks your name. And again. Finally, he shouts it.

You jolt, clutching your heart.

He sighs and leans into his hand when your lower lip begins to wobble. He places the same hand on his lap, "come."

You mumble, "you are cross."

"I am not cross."

"You shouted at me."

"You would not listen-"

"I did not mean to-"

Otto silences you by raising a finger.

You gulp and hold your breath. You begin to chew on your lip until it feels sore.

"Come," your husband repeats, "do not actually make me cross by repeating myself."

You release a breath and walk towards him. You sit on his lap, and he immediately wraps an arm around your belly, pulling your back flush against his chest. He brushes his nose against your neck. He inhales your scent and kisses your skin, "now, from the start. What unpardonable crime has my foolish wife committed again?"

You sigh when he kisses the tears off your cheeks. A line forms on forehead as you turn to him to whisper, "do not be cross."

He makes a sound akin to a purr or a growl, "I shall be what I ought to be upon hearing your confession."

You deflate, lowering your head in defeat, "I..." you sniffle, "I... was... embroidering a pattern on one of your worn shirts... I ended up making a new hole."

Otto hums, "mmm. Flogging might be sufficient punishment."

You groan and turn to him.

He raises a brow.

"I am serious, husband."

"As am I," he responds, brushing your hair back, "darling wife." He nods, "continue."

You look away and begin rubbing your hands, "I know you've told not to... but I fixed the papers you left in our chambers. I thought I did them to your taste, but then... I saw some correspondents were out of order and-"

"You stacked my papers out of order," Otto sighs, grabbing your hand, "meddlers lose their fingers, did you know? Your offence will cost you eleven, girl."

You turn back to him, the line between your brows deeper than before.

"Continue," he says, rubbing the back of your hand with his thumb.

You pull your hand away and clench your jaw, "Otto."

"Is that al-"

"I spilled wine on your papers!" you blurt, eyes immediately watering, "I spilled your wine as I fixed them, and I tried to get them dry, but then I burnt them, and I tried rewriting what I could remember but I could barely remember what I saw and-

"That's enough."

You clench your jaw at the stern sound of his voice. You muster weakly, "forgive me. I did not mean it-"

"If I left it at our chambers, it was nothing of note," Otto explains, hands resting on your hips.

"But-"

"Do think me so reckless?"

You look at him with your beady eyes before turning away.

"You insult me by believing me thoughtless of my work."

You sigh, turning to him again, "I did not say that."

"Still, here I'm sat, offended," he tilts his head.

You chew your lower lip. Your heart quickens when he squeezes you and he leans in.

"And as Lord Hand, I must exact justice and punish you for it," he mutters against your nape, "on the desk."

You wordlessly stand and lean your hands on his desk.

Otto takes a moment to examine your swift obedience but then he clicks his tongue, "face me, foolish girl."

And so you do. It's slightly challenging, considering Otto did not offer you any space to do so, but you manage. You lean back on your bum and your nails dig into the edge of his wooden desk.

Finally, Otto moves back, chair skidding along with him. He rises to his full height only to drop to his knees. Your stomach instantly rolls, knowing exactly what your punishment will be. You reach for his face, "Otto, ple-"

"Mmm, I do so love it when you beg," he bunches your skirts up, "but it will not save you from my mouth, darling."

You can do nothing but watch and shiver as he rids you of all the fabrics that would hinder his lips from meeting yours. You have to shove your finger against your teeth to stop yourself from making the noises that threatened to rip out of you.

Your body is rigid and unyielding as your husband slots himself between your legs. Your toes curl as you try to find your footing, but then his hand comes to your belly and he pushes you back, urging you to sit back. The desk skids slightly at the force.

Your mouth drops as you sit yourself on his desk. Your expression twists and an guttural sound rips from your throat when he lifts your legs and drapes it on his shoulders.

You scratch down his scalp and tangle your fingers into his hair. He moans when you begin tugging at his roots. His hot hands trail up to the most sensitive part of you. You nearly fall back when he squeezes your inner thighs before parting them.

His tongue for easier access this way. Soon, he could feel a mix slick and dribble streaming down his chin. The combined heat of his breath and brush of his nose against your clit made your skin feel like it was on fire. His nails bite in your flesh and his teeth give you the faintest of grazes. His cheeks brush against you and the feel of his fear against your sensitive skin only heighten your arousal.

With all the combined sensations, it's not long until you reach your peak. You cannot sustain any form of silence as searing pleasure seizes your body.

Otto wrings out every shiver and every moan. He drinks in every drop of nectar you offer him and hungers to take in more. He does not relent until your noises sound weary. Just as you feared, he pushes your thighs apart when you try closing them.

You whine and yank at his hair. Failed attempts of asking for respite leave your lips. You gulp and sigh, "Otto-" but you only end up squealing when he begins prodding you deeper with his tongue.

Peak after peak washes over you until you're breathless and delirious. You melt against the desk, no longer able to keep yourself upright. You are left spineless and dumb. You don't even know how many times he makes you come with his tongue, but you do know you cannot possibly come another time.

But he makes you, so you do, and you can do nothing but whine about it as tears fog your eyes.

You are so out of it that when a knock comes upon the door, only Otto hears it. He lifts his head from your thighs, face glistening with slick.

You gulp and breath in a sigh of relief, weakly lifting your head up at the sight of him. Your mind is hazy, and gods you were exhausted, but you could not deny the way your stomach rolled at sight of his face, beard all wet with you.

The knock comes again, and this time a voice follows, "Lord Hand?"

"What is it?" the Hand snaps, evidently irritated.

The man behind the front door hesitates, fidgeting with the letter in his hand, "I have a correspondence from-"

"Is it important?" Otto snaps once more.

"Quite."

"..."

"..."

"My lord. Shall I g-"

"Come in."

The door to the office of the Hand opens. The man holding the letter beholds the Hightowers— Otto's eyes are fixed on his wife who was stood before him. You are wiping his beard with a handkerchief. The Lord's hands are fixed on your waist as he mutters something.

Very quickly the man realizes he's interrupted something.

"Important?" Otto turns to him, softened features immediately hardening. He reaches a hand out.

You swipe off the remaining sheen on your husband's chin before pulling away.

The man hands Otto the letter, "from the Lannisters."

Otto rolls his eyes, taking the letter before turning back to you, "we will finish this later. I expect you to serve me my dessert at supper."

You clear your throat but it does not stop the way your face burns, so you turn to your feet.

Your husband grabs your hand when you try to walk off without a response. He raises his brows at you, "yes?"

You clench you jaw and nod slowly, "of course, my lord."

Otto kisses the back of your hand before releasing you.

[itsnathateasy]

Natt your headcannons are so cute and I desperately need comfort right now🙏 of course you write best with Armin... but can I beg you to write hcs for Erwin and a child/child-figure reader? maybe the rest of the veterans too, I love them so much</3

(although, honestly, Armin is so clearly Erwin's favorite lolol. hed be the kind of dad to very non-subtly talk to Armin about his kid who just so happens to be around the same age like a grandma trying to get her grandkid a partner...)

hi lydia! right into the hormones with this ask! i’m not apologising for wanting an Erwin daddy (for myself tehe😈) (i'm so glad you're enjoying the hcs so far!🫂 thanks for taking the time to read them!)

sorry for taking ages to write this, i've been all over the place lately and these headcanons have been my sole consolation!

warnings: mentions of pregnant reader in the beginning, otherwise mostly fluff! also, this is in a canonverse!

word count: 1,9k

So if you and Erwin had a kid, you’ve literally nothing to worry about. He’s a good daddy (to the both of you😈). He’s the best paternal figure for your kid and an amazing partner.

The moment you told Erwin you’re pregnant, you felt as if your entire world had collapsed. He literally couldn’t have appeared any more disinterested. Sure, he was tired from his mission, but… Didn’t you deserve some attention? All you got was a “That’s amazing sweetheart, I’m so proud of you” and a peck on the temple, before he returned to his newspaper. You were so upset and decided to get some sleep because, if you didn’t, he wouldn’t make it out of the house alive. Truth be told, he was probably trying to conceal his panic. He was going to be a dad!

To your surprise, you woke up to Erwin emptying your laundry room, measuring the walls, windows, door etc. “Just making sure this is a proper room for an infant. Won’t you take a look at those colour and fabric catalogues? I’ve marked a few choices I liked” you couldn’t help but smile to yourself. A man of action, indeed!

The first time Erwin saw your baby he was so conscious with his actions, scared to death that he might hurt them unintentionally. “Just support their head and torso and… You’re doing great!” you said as you fully let go of your baby in his strong arms. “This is so… God, y/n… This is the best day of my entire life!” This was the only time you ever witnessed the commander sobbing.

(This is genderless of course BUT I feel that Erwin would KILL for a son, but then he gets a daughter and goes all “I’ll make you a strong, independent woman”, you feel me? Back to the genderless kid now!)

Erwin is a tough love kind of person. While this still applies to him as a dad, you’ve seen tremendous change in him. He’s so caring and giving to your child, you almost don’t recognise him at first. (Although as the kid grows up, he kinda goes back to being more of a tough love type of guy, but mostly to teach them the value of hard work or something) (the type of dad to teach them a bunch of things, whether the kid likes it or not!)

I mean, if your kid isn’t doing their homework, Erwin will of course try to get to the bottom of things. “Why don’t you want to study today? Is something wrong at school?” but he’s also the dad to “Listen, I can plant the knowledge in your head, but I can’t make it sprout for you. You have to study on your own as well and you need to pay attention to your teachers. I’ll be in the living room if you’ve more questions”.

Erwin is the dad to plan Sundays in nature. Although he adores the sound of you and your kid playing indoors, while he’s reading his paper, he does love to actively spend time with you. He believes every outdoor activity is a great chance to teach you both some new skills, so do expect him to show you (and your toddler) how to chop wood. “Erwin, they’re three years old” “They need to know about these things, y/n. When I was their age, my dad made me carry the logs all the way home too” “You’re not making our three-year old carry logs Erwin” you protested with a slight glare. “I’m not making our three-year old carry logs, sweetheart”, surrendering with a smile.

While Erwin is more of a traditional dad, I don’t think this applies to how he sees you or his participation in housework and childcare. He’s traditional because he wants to teach your kid values and nurture them into a decent human being. That’s why he makes extra sure to help you fold clothes, clear the dining table etc. Especially if your kid is watching you. He’s trying to set the best possible example. If your kid is old enough to participate in chores, Erwin makes sure they do. “Chores are something we share. It’s like when dad’s on a mission with his team. Every team member has an important role to play. Our role inside the house is to make sure that the chores are completed.” It’s a good thing he was so attentive to the kid as he spoke, because you were on the verge of tears. Where did you even get this man?

He’s also traditional in the sense that he wants to be the provider. He’s the man to make a fuss when you say you want to get back to work, but he also respects you enough to recognise that you have to make your own choices on these matters.

Erwin is so big on rules, it’s almost annoying sometimes. “Why are you still in your pyjamas?” (even on a Saturday!) type of rules. Also, “There’s no dessert, if you don’t finish your lunch. Do you think your mother is obligated to cook for you? We should support mum, show her we’re grateful for all she does for us, not make her life miserable. Eat your peas, then we can all enjoy some pudding”.

“Same goes for mum. Mum has to finish her plate AND her pudding, so she can get some rest.” He gave you a playful smirk, knowing how you were desperate for a nap after your long day.

I KNOW IT IN MY BONES that Erwin is a sucker for activities he considers “smart”. Playing chess, reading books, solving puzzles and crosswords, that kind of games. He also tries to make up his own mind games. He thinks this is the best way to keep your kid’s mind as sharp as possible.

(He also makes them ACTUALLY strategise with him smh… He says that “a fresh, unbiased mind can share a fresh, unbiased perspective”. He’s always super impressed by the comments your child shares with him and how complex those comments become as they mature).

“Dad, how did you and mum meet?” You and Erwin exchange a look at the unexpected question. “Let me demonstrate...” he walked closer to you and held your hand in his. “Erwin we can’t really… Demonstrate this...” You admitted shyly, cheeks blushing, recalling one of your very first dates. “We’ll only demonstrate the suitable for work details, such as...” you inhaled sharply as he slammed you on his torso “How I asked you to dance with me and you didn’t know how to, so you kept stepping on my toes” “It’s not true Erwin! Don’t perpetuate the lie!” You couldn’t hold back your laughter at the sweet memory. “Dad, dad! Did mum go like this on your toes?” then proceeded to give him the worst toe-stepping experience of his life, as they stepped down on him with all of their force.

“The little devil almost threw my nails out! Can you believe how strong they are already?” He said rubbing his sore toes. “That was karma, Erwin, delivered to you in the best way possible!”

“When can I go out on my own dad?” “When you’re tall enough to reach things from the top shelf for your mother. Now go back to your studying.”

When your kid is sick, Erwin kinda loses it. Not in a hectic or panicky way. Mostly, he doesn’t know how to care for a sick person. He’s used to taking the sick or injured people to the infirmary, but how do care for a tiny person?

“Calm down, Erwin! It’s just a cold! Think of yourself. What do YOU do when you’re sick?” “I- Uhm...” He considered this for a while, deep in thought, his fist supporting his chin. “I don’t do anything, y/n. I’ve only ever been to the infirmary due to injuries” “You’re insufferable Erwin” you giggled as you showed him to your medicine cabinet. “They still weigh around sixty pounds. You pop one of these bad boys” you pointed to the painkillers, making the pills jiggle inside their paper box as you continued, “and you have to make sure they’ve eaten beforehand. It helps to drink some water as they swallow the pill. Take their temperature every few hours, make them drink some water, and that’s it!” All this time, his eyes were glued on yours, taking in every single thing you said. “Am I a bad father for not having attending to my sick kid before?” he questioned, eyes still deep in thought, obviously upset by his absence from your kid’s life. “You provide for us. And you risk your life for our entire community, every single day you’re not with us.” You said and touched your arm to his shoulder. “It’s no easy task. Besides, you’re here now and you’re here as often as you’re able too. You’re here for what’s important, trust me.” You explained earnestly. “You still do most of the work though, y/n. It’s not fair. You shouldn’t be doing this on your own.” “I’m not on my own now, am I?”

He really questions himself when it comes to finding a balance between work and family. I know it in my heart that he's doing his best for his precious family!

Erwin intervenes. A whole lot. “What is this book you’re reading?” “Do you have your eyes on any special lady/gentleman?” “Why didn’t you get the highest score in your class?”. Sometimes, he really puts too much pressure on your child. You have to pull him aside and explain that “You can’t control what another person does. Let them be themselves. They’re doing so well already, they’re just… Not as obsessed with succeeding in everything as you” you said and smirked at him. “I’m not obsessed, I’m just the best, y/n! Did you think I became the commander on accident?” He protested, in an almost defensive way, his hand on his chest. “I’m only saying, they don’t have to be as successful as you. They’re good enough and they’re doing their own thing. Let them be and don’t project on them.” He gave you a look as if he saw you for the first time. “Do you think I’m acting like my father, y/n?” (THE PANIC IN HIS VOICE!!)

When your kid receives a medal or does well in whatever they’re interested in, Erwin is the most proud dad to ever exist on the planet. His face is actually glowing and he’s boasting way more than the kid themselves. “I think they took after my sense of discipline. Look how far they’ve come y/n!” “Of course they take after you, Erwin! You’ve taught them so much!” “They wouldn’t be who they are without you, sweetheart.”

BONUS (when the child is 16+)

I do agree that Erwin is the type of person to try and introduce his kid to his favourite scouts. It’s also no secret that Erwin has a liking to Armin. A first, he’s not so sure that Armin is a good candidate for his offspring, as he used to be this timid, small boy. But as time passes, Erwin sees the brilliant mind and strategist that is Armin, he’s got to secure him, you know??

He’d make sure the offspring attends any formal ceremonies as an attempt to get these two to interact. Once he’s finally introduced them to one another, he tries so desperately to put in a good word here and there. It’s funny, because neither Armin or your kid has realised Erwin is doing this on purpose. “Can you not play match maker Erwin? Aren’t you a bit old for this?” “You don’t understand sweetheart. Armin’s a real catch! He’s going to be a commander after I retire, I’m sure! We just need to keep a close eye on him!”

[angelicsjn]

how'd your yanderes react if their darling is so stressed they become su!c!d@l (either because of them or something else, but please do 'because of them for jae coz i wanna see that todic little shit suffer)?

YOUR SEVEN YANDERES.

A N: I am trying to fly through these old requests, I have about 38 to complete — I deleted loads of requests that were similar to each other so I don't feel swamped and give up, lmao.

A B O U T: You have had enough of them and their ways, but at what cost?

W A R N I N G S: Mentions of suicide, angst, and heavy topics based around mental health such as depression. Read with caution, stay safe, and remember that you are not alone.

— ROMAN BEAUREGARD.

With Roman, it would derive from the fact that he has made you become dependant on him.

When given that space away, for how many weeks or months, you feel at a literal loss. And then that's when it sinks in.

You can't live without him.

You would miss that routine, miss him telling you what to do, who you can't go out with, clothes to wear that makes him look good or to match, you miss the stability of his control.

With him gone, you have nothing but your own mind. But your mind became his, even if you dont realise it.

"I'm struggling, Roman." You say down the phone, voice as shaky as your hands. "I need you."

His heart swells with a mixture of emotions. First, happiness. He likes that you need him. He feels important because of it. But he also feels upset because he wants you there, too. Deep down, he needs you just as much as you need him.

He will have you take over to him, where he will cover himself over you until you feel better — he's never been so attentive in his life.

— LATEN REED.

It would be his constant need of being there.

Everywhere you go, he follows. Everywhere he needs to go, so do you. Every game. Every practice. Every party. Everything.

You have no breathing space, no time to be yourself and alone.

One day, you crack. It drives you to literally insanity.

"Just leave me the fuck alone!" You scream, eyes red and streaming hot angry tears.

He stands there watching you with wide eyes. He doesn't get what he did wrong, he's just trying to be a good boyfriend?

"You're always there. Always. It makes me want to fucking kill myself!" You scream out in a fit of rage.

His heart drops.

He made you want to ... die?

Laten sucks it up and attempts to hold back the tears. He can't let it be known that it affected him that much.

"I'm sorry. I'll leave you alone." And he does.

He doesn't attend parties for a while, and when he does, he looks down. You don't go to practice, he doesnt wait outside of your class until you finish, he stops it all.

He only sees you when you initiate it. He withdraws, and though he doesn't want to end it, he believes that you're done with him.

He's waiting for you to drop the bomb break his heart.

— JAE 'NIKO' LEE.

I'm sorry. But with Jae. It's inevitable.

He's too much to handle, it's bound to happen at some point.

You withdraw socially, you look different, you don't eat, you have pretty much no life because of him.

You fall into a lull of the same shit every day, and at some point, you don't feel like you're even living at all.

You don't even cry anymore. He shouts, you're glazed over and you don't even hear him.

He thinks that he's won until he sees the destruction, and thank God that it wasn't too late.

After the incident, he tries so hard because he realises that you are fragile. You can't handle him. He attempts to be kinder, to keep in touch with his softer side for the sake of you.

But he watches you sometimes and sees nothing there.

— KAIDAN WOLFE.

"Why do you want to die?" He asks you, your diary in his hand.

You panic a little. That's your privacy in his hand. The only bit you had left.

Kaidan cries, so hard, "i can't lose you."

But he doesn't see that's it's him that pushes you towards that mentality.

The constant brain-fucking or his delusions drove you to just wanting to give up. What's the point when he doesnt listen anyway?

He keeps that up even after reading about it in your diary because he doesn't see that the problem lies between you both.

It's always something else. You two are too perfect.

— HAYDEN WEST.

Hayden wouldn't do anything to make you feel this way, so I doubt it applies to him. Anything you want, you have.

So, maybe it's your mental health.

He will Google ways to help. Use his own experiences to make you feel better.

He does all he can to help you be okay, to not feel the way that you have been.

— JOSHUA WHITE.

Just like Hayden, he wouldn't ever do anything to push you in that direction.

When he sees your struggles mentally, he takes extra time with you.

Take baths together, cuddle extra before bed, take more walks together, go to church together, and involve you in the community to belong somewhere kind.

He wants you happy and safe, so he treats you as such, keeping an eye on you and being there to listen when needed.

— BLAKE CROSS.

His life is hectic. Always something going on and that can become a lot, especially if you deal with bad mental health.

Blake may be as forward and vocal as the other yanderes, but he wouldnt ever push you towards doing and thinking of such things.

He cares deeply and knows when to back down with you, unlike others. He couldn't give a shit about others — but you? You're his world.

When he sees that everything is becoming too much, he takes a step back and puts himself into your shoes.

He's never been suicidal. Never wanted to do such things. So he doesnt get it. But he sees the pain that you feel and it kills him.

He will go on a trip with you, somewhere nice to refresh and escape a little. You can focus on each other and ignore the world.

When you're back, he's delicate and asks you what you want to do. Not tell you that you're going to join him.

[kristoffs-lullaby]

Jealousy, Jealousy

[bellamyblakru]

i will never understand how some people can actively shit on something they know someone loves and finds joy in right in front of them. how can you hate something that makes someone else happy in this absolutely fucked world in front of them.

its the passive aggression for no reason i will never ever understand or do to others. if you have a passion, fucking LIVE it. if nothing else, passion gets us through every shitty day, and i will always support it.

have passion in spite of those who hate.

[yanderespamton78]

damn it feels so good to actually have friends who i feel safe around. like to have friends who im not worried that if they find out that i like "cringe" things they wont judge me. woah!!

@angry-avaocardo @silly1xxx @gollyimsosoevil

[faaun]

the forest looks like heaven today i woke up feeling the heaviest weight at the top of my heart

[nomairuins]

loveee when a character is crushed under the weight of someone elses expectations for them love when a character dedicates their entire life to something they never even wanted for themself love when the only reason a character keeps going is because theyre Supposed to and bc theyre supposed to make another person happy/proud. YES !!! CLAPPING !!! YES !!!!!!!!

[cappurrccino]

really bold of gradimages to send me an email like "hey, we're having a sale! do you want to order some pictures from your graduation??" when their photographers took literally the worst pictures i have ever seen and left me with the literal only picture of my master's graduation being a picture my dad took of his computer screen while watching the livestream and that is still like 500x better than the "professional" pictures

[stellacadente]

i realized how much it scares me that my mind will convince itself of even the ugliest things if i start thinking them often enough and it's... yeah. like i had a good session with my psychiatric rehabilitation therapist i think it was very useful but then at the end i got hit by this feeling of fear... like i'm so scared of myself and how low i can get

[izzy-b-hands]

Putting on last year's trans rigs stream from Drawfee before i have to get ready to go out with my mum and her bf today (bc i have the worst feeling in my gut he's gonna make that An Thing for me if given the chance today, aka whenever i eventually need the restroom while we're at Mystic)

[phagodyke]

love my leather boots sooo much.. polishing them at weekends is my favourite chore by far I always look forward to getting to do it :-)

[flamestar126]

Happy (Late) Valentine’s Day!

[theultracharmingladynoire]

This has been a rant building up for a while now and I just need to put it in here but it's that. I remember the joy and excitement I felt when I watched y/o/i ep 1 - 10 because I literally. Knew nothing about the show except for the fact it was gay?? dvsjgshd but it just was so GOOD but then I. Came across a couple of interpretations of ep 11-12 (which I hadn't watched by then so I had no idea what went down) which was just people being disappointed, people thinking the ending was changed for a season 2, people thinking it was out of nowhere (especially V/ictor's comeback?? I guess??) And that really. messed up my perception of the show?? Like upto then I was forming my own interpretations of the characters and after this I. Was lowkey scared to watch the last two episodes because I was afraid of it being bad™ (if that even makes sense) and then one day even when I did watch them I didn't watch them properly?? Like I even missed a lot of scene and dialogue because I was too nervous about what I had read about it before.

And like. I don't even think those interpretations are entirely wrong for record. I understand that especially when there was a whole week between episodes and when the fandom was so huge and active people might have a very different viewing experience which directly plays into how they interpreted the character arcs! And those interpretation are extremely valid even though I disagree with them. The show definitely leaves a lot upto intrepretation of the viewers so there isn't any interpretation that is necessarily wrong™ (Idk how to phrase this sorry)

But it's just that I wasn't able to form MY own interpretation properly because I was influenced by others' ?? (In lack of a better way to word it) and I just. I've been mulling over this for a whole MONTH and going back and forth and back about the ending. And it just feels very draining when I go out to look for meta and people who had opinions similar to mine and find...like what ten people?? it kind of makes me feel like I am looking at things wrong, and that probably the finale WAS just bad or whatever (which seems to be a more common idea in what I've seen)

I do think there were pacing issues, and I do think the character arcs CAN be interpreted differently than what they are in the finale but I also am a bit sad that not many people tried to recontextualise the show in light of the finale (again, it isn't a MUST But I really wish people tried to if I am making sense?)

And it's sad because I know this can be fun if I just created my own bubble without all the meta and opinions I disagree with but it's hard when that is somehow always what I come across? And I KNOW I should stop reading a post when I see that it may suggest something towards the opinions that I disagree with (because that'll just waste my energy), but then what if I AM wrong? What if those posts are right and I am willingly closing my eye towards what the characters originally are or something?? Is what perplexes me out and really makes me sort of nervous and uneasy(?)

And now it is getting worse and I feel like I am slowly losing all the love I had for this show and it absolutely SUCKS because I just want to enjoy this silly little show and now this is all....just a mess

[ironmanstan]

So much work to do but im actually doing it which scares me more than the fact i have work to do and u can tell bc i keep fucking posting like this

[nxthero]

I know I kinda disappeared and have been quieter than usual the past week but that’s because honestly I'm sicker than I’ve been in a long time and that medicine I took by mistake for my sinuses really fucked me up and made my anxiety go nuts. Usually when I’m having sinus problems my doctor will give me a steroid shot and knock this shit out within a couple of days bc I can’t take most cold medications due to the ingredients, but when I went to the clinic the other day, my pcp wasn’t in office, and the doctor that saw me kinda just ... completely ignored all of that and threw a z-pac antibiotic prescription at me and told me to take a different otc. And then the otc she told me to take? Turns out I can’t take that either, it has that same ingredient that incites my anxiety so I’m just having to tough this shit out with only the antibiotics lol