#and lol sorry this got away from me

[wolffnichols]

No but like what if

And I'm just spitballing here

We get Eddie talking about his dates and them not working out

Then we get buddie poker night not-a-date

THEN

It's revealed somehow(maybe at the end of the night right before buck and Eddie leave) that one of the poker players was one of Eddie's previous dates

And it's the guy at the table in that shot

What if we get totally ambiguous talk about Eddie's dipping his toes back in the dating world

And then we get confirmation at least one of those dates was with a guy 👀

Oooo that'd be so interesting!

I see this and raise you, Eddie seeing the guy he went on a date with coming near them so to hide his face he turns to Buck and says, "Quick! I need you to kiss me."

And Buck being Buck does without asking why.

Of course being them, they end up kissing a lot longer than necessary until someone clears they throat. And when they both part, someone asks if they're in their honeymoon phase and they both just nod, afraid to say anything, both reeling from the kiss.

And then later once they're done with their faking dating poker date, Eddie apologizes and explains that he saw someone he went on a terrible date with, someone who's a guy. And Buck's like "Oh" before blurting out, "I'm bi." And Eddie's like "Oh" too while trying to convince himself not to get his hopes up just bc he's bi. But then Buck rubs the back of his neck and shyly asks, "So that kiss was just...." he doesn't finish his sentence but Eddie knows what he means and then he looks at Buck, really looks at him, and is like Oh. Oh. So then he slowly walks closer toward Buck and says, "I'd be lying if I said it wasn't more than that?" Buck's like, "Really?" And then Eddie smiles while leaning in. "Really." And then they kiss.

[genericpuff]

i find it funny that one of rachel’s drawings of herself in the afterword that just went up is just fully persephone. is that something she does a lot?

Alright so I've been making it a general rule for myself to like, not harp on Rachel in any way outside of LO as much because frankly the horse is dead now and there's not much left to say outside of what can be analyzed in hindsight. I think despite everything I have to say about her and her work, she still deserves to get away from this nonsense and I don't wanna spend eternity hovering over her shoulder.

But the afterword was posted within the LO series and is clearly meant for readers of LO in the functioning of being an afterword so let's just call it fair game LOL

I will say, on the whole, it does feel very honest and sentimental and I can respect Rachel for taking the time to write out and illustrate her afterword in a way that was personal to both her and her fans. I can understand why she went at it from the angle that she did and I'm not gonna fault her for that.

But there's also something that feels deeply... disingenuous about her approach right from the starting gun. I will say, before I continue, that I'm well aware I am biased towards Rachel as a creator, and I fully acknowledge that I could very well be reading too much into things. This is just my opinion, take it with mountains of salt.

I can get looking back on your own childhood, your past self, whatever, and going "see! it all got better!" because sure! For a lot of creators like Rachel, it must be wild to look back on where they came from and there's a lot of sentimentality on expressing that through an afterword like this where she reflects on where she came from. Though she STILL didn't acknowledge her other comics outside of LO, I can understand if she wants to leave those skeletons in the closet.

But I feel like her drawing herself as a child who's being given an Eisner by her adult self and all that just feels like some gross attempt to disarm any criticism of her because "don't make fun of me, I'm just a sad lonely baby girl!"

She's not a child. Child Rachel didn't grossly misappropriate Greek myth into their own self-indulged vanity project. Child Rachel didn't claim herself a folklorist of a culture's works only to bastardize them completely. Child Rachel didn't create a hostile environment within her fanbase by bullying anyone who she perceived as a threat, sneaking into critical spaces to try and cause trouble, and writing her own clapbacks into her comic. Child Rachel didn't claim to be challenging misogyny and purity culture only to reinforce misogyny and purity culture through her own self-insert baby-virgin-gets-rescued-by-rich-tycoon power fantasy that regularly glorified abuse towards women and the lower class.

30-almost-40-year-old Rachel did though.

At best it comes across as really cringe sentimentality from a Greek-weeb (heh, greeboo) and goes to show how much Rachel inserted herself into Greek myth without ever absorbing its messages or cultural contexts, it was all about her and her feelings as a sad New Zealand girl with dyslexia who thought Persephone's story was about another sad girl being rescued from her "horrible childhood".

At worst it's an active attempt to play on people's heartstrings by drawing herself as a child who people will naturally not want to criticize. I don't want to assume she's doing it intentionally, I really don't want to leave her afterword on a bad foot, as I can definitely understand as both a creator and a person who struggled with learning disabilities in their own childhood how and why she wants to pay homage to her past and where she came from... but let's just say, as someone who's also gotten way too "lost in the sauce" concerning personal self-reflective projects, I think there's a lot to say about how this confirms that Rachel made LO entirely for herself, about herself, without any actual intention to respect the original myths, because she never truly separated them from herself when she was a child. And, in my humble opinion as someone who has Been There with the self-insert OC's and self-reflective angsty plotlines, I can fully attest to the fact that that's not fucking healthy. Even with personal projects, you NEED to learn to get your head out of the sauce, you NEED to learn to objectively separate yourself from the narrative so the story doesn't fall apart under your own hubris and ego, you NEED to learn to draw a line if you want to have any sort of identity as a human being outside of what you make for people. And that's with just normal original stories, this was a story based on Greek myth which doesn't belong to her.

And this goes for a lot of the things she's said and done in the past, so much of her own "sources" even are tethered to things that she read / watched in her childhood and only vaguely remembers, as if she never mentally left her childhood at all, which just... if the point was to highlight her past and the traumas she went through and how they contributed to her present, an Eisner isn't going to validate those experiences. And drawing attention to her past through the lens of her childhood self absolutely 100% does not absolve her of the negative effect her work has had on the modern Greek myth zeitgeist nor the things she's said and done as a 38 year old woman who should absolutely know better.

The community she entered and took from will forever remain changed by her influence and taking, in many ways not for the better. She has the privilege of walking away and never having to think about it again, with all the awards and accolades that were bought for her, the bravado that she built around being a "folklorist" with zero credentials, and the platform she was given over many other creators struggling to even be heard.

That "place" she claims to have now was built entirely on inserting herself into another culture's works and doing nothing but taking, taking, taking, while offering nothing in return but vanity and lip service. That "place" was paid for and brought to you by Webtoons.

[thicctails]

What do Euclid and Scalene think of the stars?

I suppose there is more than one answer to this question.

The first time they saw them, technically, was the day Euclydia burned. They were there, sparkling within their peripherals, their shimmering glow eclipsed by the blue flame and pooling silvery blood. Scalene and Euclid were too distracted by the feeling of their new forms being eaten away at by the same inferno that was burning holes into their collapsing world, the sight of everything they knew being ripped away stopping them from truly seeing the stars around them. They couldn't care less about the stars.

Then, they saw them again, when they were brought out of their near comatose state that had come as a result of using up the majority of their power. The Axolotl's domain was a sea of galaxies, bathed in pink, purple and blue hues. It was the first time seeing what their son had been so desperate to show them, and while they were undeniably beautiful, in their own strange, alien way, both of them couldn't help but think, bitterly, histerically; "They weren't worth it. Euclydia was not worth sacrificing to see them."

Next came their time on Earth, although they did not see them right away. It was during one of their first nights with the twins, when they were still marvelling at the tiny, alien creatures that they'd been sent to watch over. They'd been avoiding the night sky, and all the memories it brought, content to simply exist with Mason and Mabel, allowing their bodies to rest. The younger of the two had a unique marking on his skin, a series of interconnected dots that Scalene thought she'd seen before. Billy had been quite the artist when he was younger, perhaps he'd drawn something similar...

It wasn't until weeks later, when the adult humans had put on some flashy, moving images on a box, that she figured out what the pattern was. The humans on the "TV" were talking about space, and since neither her or Euclid had figured out how to change the channels yet, there was little that they could do but watch, unsettled but unwilling to leave the twins alone. When the topic of stars came up, both her and her husband stared in disbelief as the sparkling celestial bodies suddenly formed the mark on Mason's forehead.

Ursa Major, or, more locally known as the Big Dipper. A constellation. A picture, drawn in the stars.

The two Ciphers looked skyward that night, and found the constellation glittering high above, it's stars twinkling in silent greeting.

The sadness and hatred for the things that had driven their son mad did not go away, not yet, but it did begin to wane.

Finally, there was a moment, a quiet night filled with cricket song and a warm, August breeze. The world, which had been burning with technicolor fire a few days ago, had settled into normalcy once again. Well, as normal as Gravity Falls got, that is.

The humans in the Mystery Shack were fast asleep, but the Cipher's were not. No, instead the three of them had settled on the roof, each one fighting the siren song of sleep. 'Beings of pure energy' no longer described them, not since one of them made a deal with the Axolotl, and the adjustment had been rough, but strangely welcome. All of this was to say that they really should have been asleep.

But the stars had never shone brighter, and Scalene and Euclid wanted nothing more than to finally share the beauty of the night sky with their little stargazer.

[fisheito]

rereading the nuca pink doujin and seeing yakumo tear himself apart re: his snake form vs his human form all this agony and self-doubt and silent suffering and fear of rejection like "if i looked less human would u hate me" , "if u saw me in my true form wouldn't that be horrible. terrifying. disgusting" , "if i admitted i want to swallow you whole would you think worse of me"

and i imagine him asking something like this to the crowd of clan members , who are , undeniably,, a group of Kinky Fuckers

they all smile with the serenity and carefully masked excitement of a horny olivine. masterful beautiful reassuring expressions (errr..... masked to different degrees depending on the clan member)

[bright-and-burning]

Slow kiss, whatever pairing you want! — wiz

Oscar giggles, thready and high, and leans into Lando’s space to grab the joint back from his hands. He takes a breath to steady himself first, pull it together so he won’t choke on the inhale and embarrass himself, and settles into his spot, twisting to sit sideways.

Lando lowers his hand and sinks back into the couch they’re sharing. Oscar can’t look away, stuck on the spread of Lando’s fingers across the pristine fabric. He’s drawing designs in the fuzz with his index finger, everything else held stationary, like the only tendons connected to his brain are concentrated there.

Lando pokes Oscar’s side.

“D’you forget how to smoke?”

His voice is slurred, low and slow. Oscar drags his eyes back up to Lando’s face.

“Noooooo,” Oscar draws it out, reveling in the shape of his mouth around the letters.

He forces his limbs to cooperate. Draws his hand up, and pauses, thoughts loading in from far away.

“You ever-“

He stops.

Lando blinks, lids slow to lower and even slower to raise.

“Yeah?”

It’s more an exhale than a word, but Oscar sees the green light that it is.

“Y’ever shotgun?”

Lando’s finger pauses, halfway through writing Oscar’s name in the cushion. His nose scrunches up. Oscar wants to lick it.

“Fuckin’- what?”

“When you, like,” Oscar takes a hit, sits with it in his lungs for a moment. “And then you, y’know. Blow it in somebody’s mouth.”

Smoke escapes as he speaks, words made hazy and real.

Lando shifts forward, back into his usual state of perpetual motion.

“You mean blowbacks?“

“What the fuck. You just made that up.”

Lando twists to face him, faster than his eyes can track.

“Nuh-uh.”

“Yeah-huh!”

Lando rolls his eyes, giving in. Shocker, honestly. Oscar’d expected them to go on forever. The silence sits on his limbs like a weighted blanket.

Lando clears his throat.

“Nah.”

“Huh?”

Oscar’s head is heavy. He lets it slide to the side, leans his shoulder further into the couch.

“Never-“ Lando pauses, clearly searching for words. Oscar’s more interested in finding out what the sheen of sweat on Lando’s collarbone tastes like than predicting what he’s trying to say next. “Shotgunned, or whatever.”

Oscar stops calculating how weird it would be to lean over and lick Lando.

“You- never?”

“No?”

Lando sounds confused. Bemused, maybe.

Oscar hums. He wiggles his toes, testing his control of his limbs. Looks at the joint, cherry burning up, getting hot in his fingers, and makes a decision.

“Hold still.”

“Wha-“

Oscar swings his leg over Lando’s lap, faster than he thought he was capable of, and drags the rest of his body into center.

“Wanna try?”

Lando swallows and nods, head tipping back to keep Oscar in sight.

The joint’s nearly burnt down. Oscar shakes off a pang of guilt at the waste, and takes a hit, inhaling deep, making his chest tight with it.

He weaves a hand into the crown of Lando’s hair, and tugs until his mouth drops open.

Oscar leans in close, close enough for Lando’s breath to be a gentle puff against his skin, just far enough not to touch, and closes his eyes.

He exhales. Lando inhales, audibly shaky, and Oscar opens his eyes to meet Lando’s, pupils blown wide. Oscar’s skin feels lit up, electricity arcing across the paper-thin distance between their lips.

“Again?” Lando croaks. He’s looking up at Oscar like he wants to eat him. Or be eaten by him. Oscar can’t tell.

Oscar takes a quick glance at the joint and nods. He takes one final hit, a too-large inhale, and leans back to put the roach in the tray on the coffee table.

The air feels like molasses around him. Syrupy, thick and sweet. Just a little too warm to be comfortable.

Sweat prickles at the backs of his knees where they’re bent.

Oscar looks down at Lando, mouth ajar and eyes half-lidded, and feels like he’s swallowed the sun.

He leans in again, and exhales into Lando’s waiting mouth. Eyes wide open to watch him inhale and hold it.

Lando’s exhale lights Oscar up, like he’s blown on the embers in the pit of his stomach to start a bonfire instead of into his face.

Oscar closes the distance, suddenly desperate to touch, and kisses Lando.

Lando inhales sharply and wraps his arms around Oscar’s waist to pull him closer, hands hot like a brand even through Oscar’s shirt.

Oscar slides his tongue into Lando’s mouth, mapping all the places his breath has been that he hasn’t, and slows. The desperation cools, replaced with low-burning need, both too high for finesse or speed.

The world outside of Lando’s body below him and mouth on his disappears, narrowed down to nothing more than wet heat and the press of fabric against his knees.

It’s sloppy; lazily licking into each others’ mouths, breathing against each other.

Oscar could spend hours like this.

[platoapproved]

Okay so I'm looking back on season 2 and having some Thoughts about Dreamstat.

In 2x01 Louis says "he came by invitation," which is be backed up by how he consciously dismisses Dreamstat in 2x04. But in my opinion, it all gets way messier when - in 2x07, deeply shaken by talking about the trial - Louis hallucinates Lestat in the Dubai penthouse. It's SUCH a jarring moment; Louis' unreliability is at the forefront of the audience's mind since he has just admitted his version of Claudia's turning from 1x04 was inaccurate. Then the audience is shown that Louis is omitting things, particularly continued hallucinations. (We also see him have further non-Lestat hallucinations in 2x08 when he is plotting his revenge).

With all that in mind, I'm inclined to think that he's way less in control of Dreamstat than he insists he is. Louis says otherwise, but this is the Unreliable Narrator Show™.

So. Why I was thinking about this in the first place...

I see lots of people bringing up Dreamstat's reactions to things, mostly in a context of being angry with Louis. And I get it! Dreamstat is mocking and cruel. But I also think it's wrong to blame Louis fully for those things? At least, to blame him in the way people seem to do.

These are not things he is choosing to think, or that he is saying aloud. They exist only within his own head. Dreamstat is all his Louis's worst instinctive reactions and snap judgments, vocalized internally (we just see and hear them as the audience).

His paranoia while being romantically pursued, an understandable response given how things went down with Lestat:

His self-loathing (always comes back to the self-loathing with Louis :c):

His frustration while having an argument with his companion situationship:

These are Louis' thoughts, yes. But they're gut responses, all emotion, without filter or reasoning.

And I just can't wrap my head around thinking less of Louis for having these responses. It's a very honest and unflinching depiction of someone whose response to trauma (both from his relationship with Lestat but also, like, his entire human life) is kneejerk resentment and pettiness that he very VERY rarely vocalizes.

Even as Dreamstat is mocking Armand's romantic overtures, Louis is continuing to have discussions with him, to ask him what he needs to be happier in their relationship. Armand wants him to come around more, he shows up to the disastrous dinner where he fights with Santiago. Armand wants to bring flowers and apologize, Louis hears him out. He is CHOOSING, in spite of the cruel automatic responses of his thoughts, to treat Armand with as much fairness and gentleness as he can.

As a side note, I really read Dreamstat's laugh in the museum scene much differently than others on here. A lot of people seem to see it as Louis mocking Armand's history of sexual abuse. But Dreamstat only scowls through all that (which is, again, not great but it is understandable, given how Lestat deployed his Magnus story to win Louis back after exploding in anger, and the whole setup for Armand talking about his past is him explaining why he is not like Lestat). Dreamstat's only real reaction comes when Armand has moved on from that part of his speech, to discussing the vampiric cycle of violence.

The line he reacts to is Armand saying "Magnus who begat Lestat, Lestat who begat Louis, on and on, and on and on." And Dreamstat... doesn't laugh? I see people describing it as a laugh. He yells 'HAH!' in the angriest, bitterest, disbelieving voice. To me this is not Louis being unimpressed or mocking Armand's trauma, it's him adamantly refusing to be included in the narrative as a part of vampire culture / as a victim. We know Louis does not like people labeling him as a victim or abused. We know he wants to opt out of all Claudia's searching for vampire culture and vampire history. To me this moment is not at all about Armand, it's about Armand implying that Louis is connected with the covens, with a larger narrative of vampirism, including a narrative about makers exploiting and harming their fledglings.

No, Louis isn't perfect, and his handling of Armand is not perfect. But I think people are way too harsh on him for this scene and just in general. He is not his worst thoughts. His actions are much, much, much, much more important. He chooses Armand. I think he chooses to be as careful with Armand as he knows how to be, given the tools at his disposal. Yes, there's a horrible gremlin (ha, see what I did there?) in the bottom of his brain that tosses up vile mean judgy nonsense, but Louis then elects to ignore all that and be as kind as possible.

[ice-to-orange-blossoms]

Every time I see a puppy girl post I want to make it again but kitty. You all have abandoned your kittygirls. It's so sad. We're all out here in an apartment complex made of the cardboard boxes we were left in. The sex is good, but, c'mon, I'd like some flea drops and internal heating and A/C.

[alukaforyou]

sometimes i think about this txt cover of invitation and... that long haired guy is just choso with his hair down TO ME

[tsutsumi-kurose]

Do you have any Tsukasa analyses?

hi!! thank you sm for the ask!! i love tsukasa analyses, so i was really excited to get this!! there is a small/specific thing i've been thinking about with regards to a couple tsukasa moments recently, and that is:

tsukasa and some not-so-rhetorical questions

there are two specific instances i've been thinking about recently of tsukasa asking typically rhetorical questions in a genuine way. the first time happens in chapter 91. when hanako and nene ask tsukasa how he got to them and why he was there, he asks "who cares?"

i find it really interesting that this question comes before tsukasa asks a long series of hard hitting questions about nene's lifespan, hanako's wish, and destroying the yorishiros. he's asking very real, actionable questions! and this question is grouped in with them! so while "who cares?" is typically a very throwaway question, coming from tsukasa in this moment, i read it as having much more weight. i think tsukasa is experiencing the feeling of that in a very real way. especially given the context of more recent chapters ("he doesn't come when i call," "if you want out, you're going to have to do the best you can by yourself," etc.) while this question may come across as flippant, tsukasa must truly be wondering: "genuinely, who cares where i've been? how or why i'm here? genuinely, do either of the two of you care what i'm up to? you're worried about nene's lifespan and the yorishiros. who he cares about how i got here or why? i have no reason to believe you do." i don't think it's a stretch to think that a boy whose calls for help don't get answered would genuinely wonder: who cares?

and with all the context of 91 up to now, i love to read this question in 110 as a genuine question from tsukasa that hanako hears as rehtorical, and flippant:

"so?" asked so briefly and bluntly is often a rhetorical question: more a statement of "that doesn't matter" or "i don't care." and from hanako's perspective, he has just poured his heart out. he's just said, "yes i could have anything in the whole world, but then i wouldn't have you." to him, this surely must seem like a logical fill in of, "I wouldn't trade you for anything."

but this is tsukasa. tsukasa, who has spent god knows how many years calling out for amane with no response. tsukasa, who knows the following to be fact: 1) hanako knows tsukasa is his yorishiro. 2) hanako has been working to destroy all the yorishiros. thus, the logic from the facts tsukasa has would say that hanako prefers to be without tsukasa. of course he'll be confused that hanako's words suggest he doesn't want to be apart when all he's done with his actions is keep tsukasa away from himself!

it's not surprising, then, that he would want an explanation of how these things connect. the facts tsukasa has say amane doesn't care about him and is prepared to destroy him. so of course amane saying "i wouldn't give you up for anything" is not going to compute, that seems like almost an exact contradiction to the facts tsukasa is working with. the "so?" here is the same question tsukasa's been asking since 1968 in chapter 101: "you'd prefer it if i stayed here, right, amane? or would you rather me gone?" tsukasa thought he had the answer, but now amane's saying the opposite.

i love this panel, because it reads as so hopeful. i really read this as tsukasa wanting to know more about why amane is hung up on never seeing tsukasa again. how often does tsukasa ever want anything for himself? other than to know how someone is feeling? and this moment feels significantly softer than other times he's asked similar things. tsukasa's always asking: what are you thinking? what are you feeling? amane, are you happy to see me? so i think he's genuinely asking here: why would that be a problem? i interpret this panel as tsukasa really, genuinely asking amane to explain that he cares about him, that he wants to be with him. because he has nothing to go off of to prove that that's the case. are you happy to see me, amane? so what if you can never see me again, amane?

to get really specific, i love the lighting in tsukasa's eyes in this panel. his eyes are mostly in shadow, but there's just a bit of light at the tops of them; his irises are almost all black, but there's a little bit of light flooding in at the bottom. because i love to torture myself with tsukasa angst (lol), i like to interpret this specific lightning choice as representing understanding beginning to dawn for tsukasa. a literal flicker of hope. maybe... amane does care about him? maybe amane does want him around? he might just be starting to understand that amane cares, but he needs it explained more, needs it spelled out. hanako's actions have not suggested this is true, so all he can go off of are hanako's words. he needs more words from hanako to make it make sense. so? why would that matter? he's starting to get it, but he has to ask, especially since it goes against all the other signs he's been given.

but, of course, hanako is hanako/amane is amane (i love him but he does win worst communicator for more than fifty years running <3 lmao) so he takes this as a rejection, and doles out his own in return, not hearing the request tsukasa is making, thus affirming what tsukasa already thought: that he hates tsukasa.

the mix of light and dark is gone from tsukasa'a eyes after hanako says "i hate you so much."

his face and eyes are flush with light--with clarity. i know you hate me, amane. no more doubt, no more questions, no more hope.

i'm obsessed with the angst of this entire interaction, and tsukasa asking, "so?" is the hinge it all rests on. the moment of suspension.

here's their chance. here is tsukasa wanting to understand why hanako isn't going through with the plan just because the two of them would never see each other again. here is hanako's chance to explain that he cares.

but it can't line up, not expressed like this. not with "do you love me?" tsuakasa and "of course!" amane. not when they're both so sure their love for the other is obvious, not when they both hear rejection in everything. not when they've both come to expect loneliness as a default, to the point where the other caring about them is never the logical conclusion in their eyes, no matter how obvious their love for the other seems to themselves.

here is a beginning, here in tsukasa's eyes, in his question. but both of them are only ever expecting an end.

(this analysis of tsukasa's eyes in this interaction also connects to the seed of a larger theory i want to explore more soon, which is the possibility that tsukasa's eyes going black isn't necessarily--or at least not exclusively--about the entity's powers taking over, but rather/additionally a reflection of his emotional state... but then that also ties into the really long post i'm trying to wrangle into coherence about tsukasa being genuinely tsukasa... so i may have to elaborate on that another time lol)

thank you again for the ask!! i really love diving into all the possible meanings behind specific/small moments, so i had a lot of fun with this!!

[jonsaremembers]

Write me some continuous sentences wench <3

Dan is fast asleep in Phil’s arms. Their shirts are off and they’re cozy under the covers. Some movie was playing, but Phil turned it off midway once Dan fell asleep, feeling quite tired himself. Dans left arm is draped over Phil’s chest, hand loosely clenching his side. His face is smushed into Phil’s armpit, full of folds and silly contortion. The hand of Phil’s trapped arm bends inward to feel Dans soft hair, the thick and thin waves between his fingers. He dopily stares at his divine soulmate through sinking lids.

(Sorry this lowkey got away from me but please add more pleaseeee)

His mind is wandering in that way that just precedes sleep, where sometimes he ends up in a thought and can't remember quite how he got there. Micro sleeps, he calls them, like the ones he had when he went to that sensory deprivation tank just before COVID. He supposes that's a sign of how relaxed he is at the moment. All is right with the world: he's warm and comfy and Dan is smushed as close to him as it is humanly possible to be.

He cards Dan's curls between his fingers.

They'd had a fight earlier. Nothing monumental. Dan came blowing into the lounge already in a foul mood, or so it had seemed to Phil, and demanded to know why the fuck the kitchen sink was running. Phil clapped a hand to his mouth and dashed to go turn it off, because he'd been in the middle of something and then wandered away and obviously hadn't meant to leave it on. The racing in his brain of "how long was that on what's the water bill going to look like I've flooded the house oh god oh god" had been so loud he had to deal with it immediately, and the part of his brain responsible for civilized speech or listening to other humans had simply not been in charge.

When he'd pushed the tap to the off position and checked for flooding (mercifully finding none), he'd turned around to see Dan leaning against the kitchen counter, staring Phil down like a predator, practically with a literal storm cloud over his head.

It devolved quickly, Phil snapping that he'd not been ignoring Dan, just hurrying to fix the problem, how was that wrong, and Dan retorting that he expected Phil to answer his fucking questions instead of just streaking out of the room, and Phil wanted, desperately, to explain that he couldn’t, that his brain had just gone into crisis mode until he could fix it. But of course now his brain was in crisis mode again, and he found it difficult to speak or form thoughts, and Dan just kept shouting at him and getting more and more frustrated that Phil was silent.

He'd wanted to throw things, he remembers. Smash a plate to the ground and shut Dan up with the shock of it. He silently damns himself for always being Too Nice. It's practically his branding at this point. He'd like to really let loose. Maybe he should go to one of those smash therapy room things.

It had progressed to a slammed door and Phil sitting, frozen, on the stool by the counter. Some time after, Dan had texted him and offered to order Indian, what did Phil want, and Phil accepted that for the measly peace offering that it was, and now they're here in bed and Dan is asleep and Phil knows from long experience that he only falls asleep this early in the night when he's having a bad brain day.

But Dan had still started it, Phil thinks stubbornly. Was it really so hard to just see that Phil was struggling and take a few seconds so they could both breathe?

As if Phil's thoughts could penetrate his brain somehow, Dan takes a long, content breath through his nose and snuffles it out again, settling more heavily into Phil's side as his body relaxes.

Phil wants to cry. Even after the day they've had, Dan still loves him, still falls asleep half-naked in his arms, vulnerable and trusting. He feels like a deflated balloon that someone popped but failed to throw away after a birthday party - limp, forgotten, clammy. Anger from the things he didn't get to say had been the air, yanked from him before he could do anything, and now he was just waiting for it to pass so things would be all right again.

He clasps Dan tighter in his arms.

Dan stirs. "You okay?" he mumbles.

"Yah." Phil wills himself not to cry. Dan will know. Dan always knows.

"Promise?"

Phil hesitates. "I will be."

"Thinking?" Dan slides off Phil to stretch onto the mattress on his stomach, never opening his eyes, the dim light from between the blinds throwing his long lashes into sharp relief. "About earlier?"

"Yes."

"I'm sorry," Dan says.

"What for?" Phil asks, instinctually peacemaking, and then thinks he'll let the question stand.

"Shouting at you, of course."

A beat. Phil thinks about whether to just say thank you and move on.

"It really overwhelmed me, Dan."

"It did?"

"Yes. I froze up. And it really hurt me that you didn't seem to see it."

"Well, I-" Dan starts, and then cuts himself off. "Yeah. Okay. I'm sorry that I overwhelmed you and didn't check in to see how you were feeling. That was unkind of me."

"Thank you," Phil says, and tucks himself into Dan's side. "Will you scratch my back?"

Dan makes a grumbly noise, but pries his arm out from under Phil, drops it over his back and begins to lightly rub the pads of his fingers back and forth. Gradually, Phil slips into sleep.

[umbrace-rambles]

One Piece and Being Different

I could talk long and wide about all the things I love about One Piece, from the worldbuilding to the character writing to the political/darker topics it touches, anything. But one of the main reasons I personally love it so much and I don't believe has been talked about as much as it should, is how much it celebrates otherness. This is very much an overarching theme in the series because pirates by themselves directly go against society's standards, but this is focused more on a character point.

Objectively speaking, most OP characters are freaks and weirdos and strange and off putting, and it's good! Luffy specially, and he is the MAIN character, celebrates and embodies this weirdness to the extreme, and it's incredible how he manages to push this idea to other people around him too. It happens time and time again that he will meet someone and, the more different they are, the more he instantly wants them to join his crew. He is so incredibly driven by the wonder of discovering things different to him that he only feels happy about their existence, he wants to know and have fun with and love them because they're different!

And it has been acknowledged, the general effect Luffy has on people, how he manages to pull them to him like moth to a flame and recruit them to his side without even trying. It’s such incredible power, but it's also incredible how everybody around him, and especially his crew, always strive to become better for him, and most of the time becoming better, in OP, implies stop being normal. Being human, being acceptable by society's standards.

Like damn, the whole character plot of Luffy's fight against Katakuri was Katakuri coming to realize that he doesn't have to put up a front for other people, that he can keep going being himself, without hiding his monstrous features. That is when Katakuri stops fighting for his family and starts fighting because he wants to. And even after Luffy wins that fight he is respectful of Katakuri's wishes and covers his mouth with his hat.

Most of the Strawhat crew are really adopted strays, lost people and old enemies. They were othered, by people or circumstance, and Luffy gave them a home and a purpose. And in their increasing devotion to his cause, and through his constant love towards them, they have learned to stop being afraid of being different. Luffy will always accept them.

Franky had to quite literally rebuild himself into a living weapon, he chose to do that so his Battle Frankies couldn't be used against his will ever again, but despite being a cyborg he still looked mostly human. His pre-time skip design often shows how he pulls off his skin gloves to punch with his real metal hands. He was a criminal and shunned by his city and he was okay with that, but he still chose to blend in. After he joins Luffy he fully embraces himself and becomes quite extravagant in his own design, he is proud to show off his body modifications, he has fun with it, he accepts his cards and decides to use them at their full extent for Luffy. His metal parts in full display, painted with bright colors. Flame-shaped fists, changing his hairstyle at the push of a button, that is not someone trying to blend in anymore.

Chopper is a character whose biggest fear has always been being an outcast. He was bullied out of his herd for not being reindeer enough, he was hunted down by humans for not being human enough. Eventually, however, he learns that in order to be able to keep going, to defend his newfound family, he will have to become a monster for them, and he is happy to, because he would do anything for them. He knows that they will never think less of him for being a monster, for being different. These are some of the most extreme examples but every single character in the crew reflects this theme in some way.

We have people with extremely bizarre powers, shapeshifters, furries, witches, made up creatures, zombies, talking animals, talking food, living skeletons, a whole kingdom of queers, sea monsters, dragons, human experiments and so much more. In a series that mixes so many genres, so many themes, so many types of characters, such outrageous and unconventional character designs could have been used for mockery, or simply used as villainous traits as so many other stories do. And they are certainly sometimes cause of mockery, but it's rarely ever malign. In OP this extreme otherness is often a source of awe, a positive trait, something to be admired. It certainly is for Luffy.

Luffy is a main character that exclusively judges people by their true selves, beyond what they may be saying or doing, with his very keen emotional intelligence. In the world of One Piece, where the maximum power is held by the World Goverment, an organization that actively shuns everything different and is willing to sacrifice anything for the continuity of censorship, power and control, that turns a blind eye towards unaffiliated countries, the slave trade, and the underworld, that is willing to create agreements with some of the most feared pirates and allow them to continue to exercise fear in exchange for their assistance as brute force, Luffy and his recurring thread of freedom and acceptance is beautifully fitting.

[wikiangela]

wip wednesday

tagged by @diazsdimples @tizniz @daffi-990 @bidisasterbuckdiaz @fortheloveofbuddie @hoodie-buck 💖💖

i wasn't gonna post today but I'm currently writing another one of Buck and Taylor's arguments and I'm having so much fun lol (there's gonna be only one more conversation between them after this haha) I keep having new ideas for the in-between of what I had planned, and I hope all of this turns out coherent, I'm probably gonna have to do so much editing lol I'm so determined to post it this month and I'm actually inspired!

prev snippet

___

“I don’t know what to tell you.” he sighs, averting his gaze, as he’s trying to think about anything to say, but his mind is blank. 

“How about the truth? I really just want to know what the hell is going on with you. Because this-” she throws her hands out, vaguely gesturing around. “This isn’t a life together, and I don’t know how many more times we can have this exact same conversation.”

“Taylor…” he starts, hoping more words would come. “I’m sor-”

“Is there someone else?” she blurts out, angry tears welling in her eyes. He feels his own eyes widen in surprise, and his cheeks burn.

“What?”

“I mean, are you seeing someone else?” she doubles down, her tone a little shaky, but still determined. Suddenly, he feels his heart in his throat, and he has to make a conscious effort to breathe. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.

___

no pressure tags: @elvensorceress @gaydiaz @thebravebitch @shortsighted-owl @eddiebabygirldiaz @watchyourbuck @eowon @loserdiaz @evanbegins @ladydorian05 @wildlife4life @diazpatcher @lover-of-mine @monsterrae1 @thewolvesof1998 @puppyboybuckley @weewootruck @loveyouanyway @spagheddiediaz @rainbow-nerdss @epicbuddieficrecs @pirrusstuff @spotsandsocks @alliaskisthepossibilityoflove @nmcggg @rogerzsteven @hippolotamus @giddyupbuck @sunshinediaz @honestlydarkprincess @underwater-ninja-13 @exhuastedpigeon @911-on-abc @jesuisici33 @steadfastsaturnsrings @theotherbuckley @buddieswhvre @dangerpronebuddie

[maybeimamuppet]

Do you believe Regina is redeemable?

ohhhhh buddy the whole can of worms this opened

to make a long story short: yes.

to make a long story longer with a tw for mentioned child abuse/neglect and suicidal ideation

i think every iteration of her deserves a shot at redemption.

canonically regina is at most seventeen years old. yes, she’s almost an adult. yes, she does and has done despicable things at this age and even younger. but she is still young. she is still a child. to completely, black and white say, that she is at her core an unredeemable monster who doesn’t even deserve to try does a complete and utter disservice both to her and the people she’s hurt in her past. to say she will be the way she is forever negates all the suffering she goes through and puts others through in canon, misguided though it is.

regina is also basically the textbook for a personality disorder and specifically bpd. borderline is (in a lot of cases i’ll say rightfully) very harshly judged. there’s a lot of stigma around it and cluster b disorders as a whole. but bpd is also caused for the most part by neglect and abuse in childhood. we only ever see regina’s dad in 2004 canon, for a single scene, crying over regina wearing the rabbit halloween costume. he’s completely absent in both the stage show and 2024. and looking at her mom, it is very obvious something has happened to the both of them and that this child (or neither of these children if you include kylie from 2004) is/are not getting the emotional guidance, support, and attention they need. who knows what happened before canon as well. who knows what her dad was like.

speaking as someone who also probably has bpd (which i discovered through doing research to write her better) i can say it is a terrifying experience. i’m lucky in that i’m able to resist my compulsions most of the time, but having them at all is beyond terrifying sometimes. i am filled with rage on a hair trigger these days. sometimes i’m able to process this anger in a healthy way. i can rationalize. i can think through it. i can calm myself down.

other times i can’t. i can only glance through the mean girls tag on ao3 now because if i look at numbers or think for too long about it, i compare the new fics that have come with the 2024 movie to things i’ve written. to see these fics that, while fantastic, are much shorter or don’t have as much effort put into them as what i do get literally ten times the love does hurt, as much as i adore and appreciate what i do get.

by nature with my other illnesses i have to pour my entire heart and soul, blood sweat and tears into every word i put on a page. every fic i’ve done is a piece of me that sometimes feels like i’ve torn it out of myself and given you to read. sometimes seeing that get 150 hits compared to a cadina fic that’s half as long (but again, still amazing! they all deserve every hit and kudos and comment and whatever) getting up to 1, 10, 50k hits just latches to a particularly sadistic part of my brain and it’s all i can think about for weeks. and it makes me want to quit. either writing or living.

and that sounds dramatic because IT IS. and i’m fully aware having those thoughts and urges is irrational. i don’t want them. i miss feeling like i have a community on ao3 (i absolutely have one here and i love all of you in my little circle with my entire being.) i hate having to avoid reading about my favorite characters because it does that much damage to my mental health. i am afraid that it takes something that small for me to have these massive thoughts.

all of that to say is that bpd makes switches easier to flip. it makes bad choices easier to make.

the reason i’m still here. the reason i still write and i haven’t deleted everything i’ve ever done. the reason i haven’t done a number of other things that i won’t say because they aren’t really relevant. is because i have chosen not to. it is incredibly hard sometimes. but it is still a choice you have to consciously make. you have to consciously decide to hurt someone. you have to consciously decide to say things. you have to consciously decide to humiliate your best friend in front of countless other people.

regina did make those choices.

and for that she does deserve consequences. she deserves repercussions and she deserves flack. she does not deserve to get hit by a bus (except for it being the catalyst to help her realize she needs to change) or being force fed to reach her biggest insecurity and fear without her knowledge.

she made the earliest choice when she was either eleven or twelve years old, that we know of.

that is a child.

regina is a child who is clearly suffering in some way we don’t see. she absolutely should be held accountable for what she does and what she has done. but she also deserves to be allowed to apologize and try to make amends. she deserves to be allowed the opportunity for growth and to heal and to become a functional adult who is capable of meaningful relationships and success. she deserves to be allowed to try.

does she deserve immediate or any forgiveness? no. the people around her also deserve the ability to make the choices with her that they will. she has caused harm, people are allowed to process the harm she has put upon them however they will.

but she deserves the opportunity to make it a choice for them.

she deserves a chance at redemption.

[kore-cryptid]

here have this i drew in like an hour, i could talk Alot about the problems of starclan/dark forest but ill dumb it down to:

FUCK if im letting this selfish fucking liar into cat heaven, leafpool has to go to Trial and defend her entire life for having the babies they TOLD HER TO HAVE and onestar is told "yeah youre fine dont worry we saved you a seat hehe but just sit here for a sec and think about what you did for a bit >:/"

im number one onestar hater btw

[lokh]

Im gonna need your like, whole musical rec list, bc literally every song you have posted has not flopped once, give me your faves i need to eat them

OUGHHH YOUVE UNLOCKED THE BEAST ARGSHHFHJDF....

in the interest of making this both easily accessible but not stretching the dashboard, im embedding bandcamp links when i can, otherwise linking to youtube when unavailable

in no particular order, inclusion based mostly on what im still actively into LMAO but also just things you should give a go at least once:

list of artist recommendations

zeal and ardor: described as a mix of african-american spirituals and black metal. try devil is fine, you aint coming back, wake of a nation or church burns

bloodywood: indian folk metal, literally nobody is doing it like them. recently featured in monkey man (2024), try chakh le, yaad or dana dan

stromae: if youve never heard any of his songs WHAT ARE YOU DOING..... incredible lyricist, described as a blend of hip hop/electronic. papaoutai made the rounds on tumblr a while back, but you should also try santé and l'enfer

alamat: pinoy pop. a youtube commenter described them as sounding like 2nd gen kpop which probably also explains why i took a shine to them LMAO, notable for the amount of filipino culture on display and the diversity thereof (singing in different languages, themes). first heard them thru kasmala either here or on twitter lmao, try aswang or maharani

andy bull: alt-pop. a lot of poppy and upbeat songs with a melancholic undertone imo. an australian artist, try it's all connected or keep on running

cosmo sheldrake: electronic, wikipedia also lists him as folktronica and baroque pop. you may have heard the song come along on an apple ad - hes known for sampling sounds from nature. pliocene for example features sounds from endangered ecosystems.

if you like cosmo sheldrake, you might like hidden orchestra (electronica, ambient). also making use of field recordings, i really love the archipelago mixtape but its a hard sell at about an hour lmao. if you like the following song then i implore you to give it a go

son lux: experimental, you may have heard from them in the entire soundtrack for everything everywhere all at once (!!!!!). try dangerous, dream state (brighter night) or live another life.

ammar 808: electronic/world fusion, also behind bargou 08 (folk rock you should also listen to). i just cant get ain essouda out of my head, but i also love geeta duniki

miyavi: j-rock, used to be a visual kei artist. these days he might be known more for anime openings like flashback (kokkoku) or other side (id:invaded), or for work like snakes in arcane (or actually inspiring and voicing a character in it), but ive always been partial to his early work like sukkyanen myv or ashita, genki ni naare

songs/albums

'threads' album by now, now (indie rock).

'dream to make believe' or 'what to do when you are dead' by armor for sleep (rock, emo). here's the truth about heaven from the latter album

i already posted about it but denzel curry's 13lood 1n + 13lood out mixx (rap, trap) is extremely good

the guilty gear soundtracks and im so serious im not fucking joking. different kinds of rock and metal and all sorts of influences put in, a genuine labor of love. xrd and earlier games are mainly instrumental with some vocal tracks (try give me a break or big blast sonic), while strive pretty much always includes vocals (of course i need to rec rock parade, but also try requiem. its genuinely hard for me to pick and choose lmao)

not an album and not an artist

coke studio pakistan and coke studio bangla knocking it out of the fucking park, im particularly a fan of harkalay and kotha koiyo na. you could try the other coke studios too (tamil, india, etc)

triple j like a version is when the radio station triple j brings in artists and has them do a cover of a song (artists choice). i liked denzel curry's cover of bulls on parade and flume's shooting stars (video for this one is incredible, man had a vision you just have to stick it out), but you get a lot of interesting interpretations like the wombats' running up that hill, gordi's in the end or, infamously. the wiggles' elephant

ive DEFINITELY missed out some, but thats what my music tag is for LMAO i hope someone discovers something they like here!!!!

[obey-me-headquarters]

So, I haven't gotten too far into Nightbringer to write any specific smut for it. (Literally only just started lesson 6). But I do have some ideas!!

A lot of my ideas revolve around being the demon's "first" in something. Like, you know your demons inside and out at this point. You know all their kinks, fantasies, and where to touch them to make them squirm. So you can introduce them to all sorts of things that make them scream in the future but they have no experience with now.

For example, showing Lucifer how much of a masochist he is. I don't think Lucifer is a complete virgin in Nightbringer as I think he fooled around as an angel at least a few times. I mean, he's still a few thousand years old, he was bound to get curious and try getting frisky with a few angels. But him trying out BDSM? I seriously doubt it.

So once you and him finally fall into bed together, you show him all the ways he didn't know he loved to be touched. Having such an inexperienced Lucifer is a bit of a novelty and a bit of an annoyance. Present day Lucifer knew what he wanted and he wasn't ashamed of asking for it. The Lucifer you're currently bedding? Doesn't know what he wants.

It's actually really cute how shy Lucifer is. How he tries so hard to stifle his moans when you heard much louder, much needier ones from your present Lucifer.

And you don't want to push him. It's entirely possible that past Lucifer has no interest in BDSM. That his particular taste for masochism and being owned evolved after many centuries.

But you still want to try, to possibly open his eyes to a new world of domination and submission.

So one evening, one careful evening you've been planning for. One evening in which you make sure that his brothers haven't wreaked havoc, one evening where Diavolo doesn't up to distract Lucifer cause him stress. One perfect, relaxing evening, you spring the question onto him.

"Lucifer, have you heard about BDSM?" You ask in your most light, most casual tone to not raise any alarm bells and spook the demon.

Lucifer pauses his undressing, his hands suspended in the air as his tie hangs loosely around his neck. He turns to you in slow motion, looking so bewildered and confused that it makes you want to laugh. Surely your demon couldn't be that pure right? You know he's only been a demon for a little more than a year now, but, come on.

"I'm sorry, have I heard about what?"

"BDSM! Like, Bondage, Domination, Submissive, Masochism. Have you heard of people doing that sort of thing in bed?"

Lucifer's face turns a bright scarlet and he turns away from you. Like, actually physically turning his full back to you, turning away from you. You can see his ears still burning though, and elect not to tease him about it in worry that if you do, Lucifer might become so embarrassed he'll stop being the Avatar of Pride.

"It's fine if you haven't. If you would rather I never bring it up again say the word and I wouldn't." You tell him, concern starting to creep in.

"No. No, it's fine. I just. Why did you choose to bring that topic up?" He asks stiffly, hands clenching and unclenching at his sides. A classical Lucifer "I'm nervous about this topic because it inflicts Feelings in me" move.

"I was just wondering. I have been in dom/sub relationships in the, um, past, and was wondering if that was something you'll be into," you say gently, so extremely gently. "It's fine if that's not something you're into." You add.

"You have?" He asks in surprise, and because you know him so well, with a hint of excitement. "What... what role did you fall into?"

Relief crashes into you like a tidal wave. He's into it. He's really into it from what you can tell. He hasn't had any experience with subbing, you know because your Lucifer didn't when you meet him, but he was so desperate to finally try he practically threw himself at your feet.

Not this Lucifer though. This Lucifer most likely knows of the idea, maybe he picked up some porn featuring a dom/sub relationship and knows on some level that he's interested in subbing, but hasn't had the time to stew in that knowledge like your Lucifer did.

"Dominate." You say with confidence, a grin painting your face. "I like control in the bedroom."

And judging by the shiver that shoots up Lucifer's spine at your words, so does he.

Grinning, you stand and begin stalking towards your prey.

"I like taking control of my partner. Make them beg for relief. And if they misbehave, I like to punish them."

"Do. Do you?" Lucifer asks breathlessly.

You're standing behind him and you know he knows you're there. His demon sense picking up on it, and by the way he almost leans backward as if to meet your touch, you know he wants you.

"I do." You state confidently, mere inches away from Lucifer.

"But," your hand grasps Lucifer's shoulder and he flinches. "If my partner didn't want that...." You give him a light pull and he complies, turning to face you.

And oh, what a sight that is.

You missed your subby little Luci. You missed his cute moans, his tears as you edged him, and his screams when you overstimulated him. And you missed his flushed face when you lowered him into subspace.

And this? This perfectly mimics that face.

"Oh, baby." You breathe out, fighting the urge to pepper his face in kisses and pull him into your chest.

"And what if I do? Would you do those things to me?" Lucifer asks, and you're so, so proud of him for asking.

"Darling, I would do all that and more." You say as you kiss him.

Like your Lucifer did in the past, like he will do in the future, he lets you take control.