#and like. those are FINE questions but they aren't ABOUT the research being done

[girlscience]

y'all I have been in such a weird mood these past few days and I just know it's because I have this interview/meeting tomorrow with the professor at the aquatic sciences center. I am so unbelievably nervous and it's making me a bit panicky manic or something

[dailyrothko]

ik its taboo to ask but, what do you see in rothkos work? Why do you like it?

It's not taboo! But I have answered this many times before so, I might direct you here or here for random examples of my answers and just add a bit, perhaps retreading...

Rothko gets singled out for being famous and looking simple (though it's not not) but I don't feel the criteria is different than it would be for any other artist.

My favorite artists, Munch, Bearden, Hokusai, Bill Traylor, Ruth Asawa etc., what do they have in common? Just the basics of form, color and light and the emotion that is carried through them.

I don't feel like the public always has great taste but I do subscribe to the idea that Rothko would not have endured if his work did not have meaning to some. And some of those people were Joan Mitchell, Brice Marden, Helen Frankenthaler, Motherwell, Pollock, Elaine De Kooning, Tracey Emin, Robert Ryman etc. Other fine artists blown away by these seemingly simplistic works. This doesn't mean you have like Rothko or any artist but you know here we are the the Rothko detractors kind of amuse me, not for their taste but rather for their arguments.

I think a lot of people just aren't exposed in person to a wide variety of art and when you see things in the flesh, so to speak, it's a wildly different experience than the world of looking at computers. And art museums are also places people react to thinks as a group and it's an interesting footnote to see how art affects people, sometimes it can make you think.

I have devoted so much to time to Rothko, sometimes I have asked myself why, maybe he's not as good as I think, I see them everyday, it can be tiring to research and post and be involved with it.

And then, I see one again or, as in the last two weeks, I see shots from the Paris show (I couldn't afford to go but they did invite me) and again I am struck by what a really exceptional artist he was. How no one else does what he does and how I have a great feeling for his particular expression.

And Rothko the person, who could bloviate occasionally, was an exceptional character of great dedication to art and to his idea. I have known lots of artists and his intense commitment to an idea, that was not popular, that was not making him money, that had not been done before, was a relentless pursuit. I admire that too.

Detractors would have to you believe silly things about art, embarrassing things not seated in the normal "Does nothing for me" argument which is a great argument about any artist. Rather they want to say it's the emperor's new clothes and frankly, while that's cool if you believe it, the technical merit argument is so hollow and silly, I never even know what to say to these people. The reductive standard is basically the best painting of a cat is the one that looks the most like a cat, and if you believe that, buy a camera and save yourself some money.

Even yesterday with the Christie's sale, and the orange/yellow Rothko, which is certainly not one of my favorites, Photographer Mark Cashion (thanks Mark) sent me this shot. And I was just impressed again, kind of in the opposite way that his detractors feel. They see someone doing nothing and I see someone creating a huge amount from very little.

Thank you so much for the question , sorry, as always to prattle on.

[drop-dead-dropout]

Fuck's a pro shipper?

We've got a new one boys try not to scare em off /j

Okay but seriously, I'm more than happy to explain. I assume that if you're asking this question you're not aware of the proshipper vs antishipper, uh, "conflict", I guess. So, here is what both of those terms mean, to the best of my descriptive abilities:

Antishipper (often just "anti"): someone who vaguely believes that consuming problematic fiction (usually specifically problematic sexual fiction like lolicon or incest) is either a true reflection of them as a person or a corrupting force that will cause them to play out these desires in real life, onto real people. Basically, if you read age gap, you touch real kids in real life or secretly want to.

Proshipper (sometimes "profic"): someone who does not believe the above, and believes that fiction is not the same as reality because it doesn't harm anyone and therefore people should be left alone as long as you have no reason to believe that they would ever do something like that irl. Often hand in hand with things like anti censorship, kink positive, etc, though being a proshipper does not necessarily mean you have a problematic ship or kink yourself (example: me).

You're probably asking this question because you saw me day in my bio that I am a proshipper. I've tried to stay neutral in this initial description, but obviously I probably didn't manage to be completely unbiased considering that I believe myself to be right (most people do) so if you want to ask further questions after this that's perfectly fine. That being said:

Why am I a proshipper?

So, to understand this, let's first look over the issues within both communities— every group has issues, after all.

What problems do proshippers have?:

- sometimes 4chan assholes co-opt the label "proshipper" just because they're lolicons, even though there's good evidence to suggest that they would do or even have done criminal sexual acts in real life, or that they possess actual csam (child sexual abuse material, a term being used in favor of "cp" these days as porn implies consent). Proshipping has nothing to do with the harmful idea that you should be allowed to exploit and abuse real children.

- there are still many gray areas which proshippers themselves don't agree on. For example: I've seen a bunch of arguments about if writing fanfiction of live action shows or movies changes the equation. The general consensus of proshippers is that writing fanfiction of a character played by a child actor is definitely a more delicate situation and should not be sexual as it's inextricably tied to the image of a real child, but there are others who believe differently.

- I'm genuinely struggling to come up with more of these. Um, sometimes lolicons are really shitty people, like in point 1. This isn't SUPER relevant though cause in reality the overlap between predominantly queer or female proshippers and Reddit incels who just wanna jerk off to a petite anime girl is pretty small, though I'm sure it exists somewhere .

Now, what problems do antis have? (Fair warning, this is gonna sound even more "biased" but I hope my logic is still sound from the outside :p):

- I don't have any statistics on this (haven't exactly been many research papers on fandom drama), so you're going to have to trust me when I say that antis are absolutely NOTORIOUS for extreme harassment campaigns. The first time I was exposed to the word "antishipper", it was attached to a story of a former animator committing suicide because antis had gotten them fired by "exposing" their porn alt on Twitter and they could no longer afford medication for their disability. So, hell of an intro!

- their opinions are, in pretty basic ways, not backed by science or even practical common sense. The human brain can distinguish between fiction and reality after around age four or five

and people certainly aren't trying to hand nsfw content to children that age so I think it's safe to say that the people who are reading these things won't be "confused" by them or whatever. Also, even just using your brain and talking to these people, you find out most of them project onto the YOUNGER character.

- they claim to support victims but often simply don't. I won't keep dragging threats into the spotlight because I know there are probably antis who aren't as violent, but it's honestly astonishing to me how often they jump straight to wishing death and terrible things on people, and this has included more than once telling a rape victim they hope they get assaulted again just because they're a proshipper. See, a lot of these "taboo" sexual fantasies like age gap and incest actually themselves stem from a traumatic experience, and any therapist will tell you that fiction is a much healthier way to explore intrusive thoughts and urges than more dangerous coping mechanisms like self harm or substance abuse. And when confronted with this, in my experience and many others', antis will simply ignore that fact or say that the therapist is some sort of evil enabler.

-the general cognitive dissonance of believing an incest fanfiction will make you "forget" that incest is bad vs being fine with horror movies and slashers speaks to a deeper and honestly kind of worrying anti-sex mindset. I'm not sure I'm qualified to tackle this particular topic, but I definitely agree that it's a thing; after all, I have no idea how else those two things could coexist.

Anyways, I'd like to close this off by saying not everyone is as crazy opinionated as I am, I'm just autistic and like talking lol. A lot of people who id as proshippers just have a sort of minding their own business, ship-and-let-ship mentality, and a lot of antis are unfortunately just teenagers who were told proshipper = evil pedophile groomer and thus they put "proship dni" in their bios just cause they don't know and don't really care what it means. It is undeniable that many antis are kids themselves, and that does worry me, because fandom drama (especially Twitter fandom drama) is dangerous and vitriolic and also they're putting extremely serious threats on their digital footprints at the tender age of 14! But whatever, I'm not their parents, that's just my worry. Sorry for rambling this long lol, I wouldn't blame you if you dropped out halfway through but this is basically my summary of this whole thing. Do with this knowledge what you will! Or, you know, don't! I'm not a cop!

[ronearoundblindly]

you're right, we havent given mr jake jensen a lot of attention lately 😔🫶🏻 can we get an E for him?

We are all on the Jake train now, y'all...

From this dirty ask game, which is appropriately named and thus MINORS DNI.

I feel like I need to say this before we get started--

In regards to the previous discussion of his sexual routine: to be clear, you didn't make Jake cry because of attempting to set time aside for him. He just really didn't like the idea maybe not having already spent time--good time--together or romancing you, etc, that would make you feel the need to schedule things. Things that aren't a specific date out and so forth. He knows he over-reacted. He sees that now. He just had gotten a bit lost in work for a week. Instead of interrupting him then, you set aside some time, and then he kinda lost his shit thinking he'd neglected you or that you thought that...

It's fine. He's fine now. He still hates the idea of scheduling anything but trips though.

E - Extra Info

Jake really, really likes strip poker, but it's pretty obvious he just wants any excuse to be in his boxers. Dude doesn't really like wearing clothes (except he's perfectly fine still having his socks and boots on?? so definitely no foot fetish there). That might be a bit of a thing, actually. If you rock some awesome shoes--be it high heels or platforms or the chunkiest combat boot known to man-- you're not taking them off for sex; you're stuck in those till he's done with you. Period.

The question of if he seduces you back came up in the previous ask, too, and absolutely, yes. He's just...so fucking awkward about using pickup lines and stuff that Jake's seduction is more like...showing his enthusiasm instead of a well thought out plan. He'll take over, he'll take what he wants, but ultimately, he's very sweet about communicating what it is he's excited for.

Like you wearing his bulletproof vest. There's lots of straps he can hold onto. Or his leather gun holster, nothing underneath. That works both ways because he'll wear that for you and nothing else, too.

As we all know, Jake really likes to laugh. He enjoys those moments of levity even--and maybe especially--during sex, so if you do use something on him or make a game of it, it's a big turn on to him that he can be comfortable and goofy and you're still ready to fuck him because goodness knows that's all he wants in the world.

Does Jake have any dark fantasies or desires?

Hmm. Really good question.

I think what I'm getting at is that he is a real tit-for-tat man; if he has any desire to bring it to the bedroom, he's open to whatever it is being done to him. He would never ask you to go through something he wouldn't (degradation, humiliation, roleplay, anal, whatever). If I've said it once, I'll say it again: pure. switch. energy.

He's not the most articulate about these things. He still blushes and chuckles when certain things are brought up, no doubt, but he's just, idk, interested. If you wanna try it, so does he. He'll even research the fuck out of it and buy all the supplies and be ready.

Just. Don't. Schedule. It.

The only organic thing in all of life that Jake gives a fuck about is intimacy. That's gotta be organic or it takes the fun away. He needs the fun. He needs the laughter.

Thank you for asking!

I love him so much.

[Main Masterlist; Light Masterlist; Ko-Fi]

[yelenasdiary]

Read this or don't, that's completely fine. I was going to explain everything in a reply to an ask that I was sent but an anon that has nothing to do with this, they are lovely! I just think a post on its own is more appropriate.

Below the cut I warn you that topics like, Sexual Assault, Physical & Mental abuse are spoken about. Please do not bother to read this if you're not comfortable. I literally do not expect anybody to read this, I am simply posting this because of how I am feeling towards the asks I received before I went to bed last night.

I just want to say that I've been open about certain things in my life on here and that is simply because I want my blog to welcome everybody (within reason). I want those who unfortunately have been through similar stuff to feel seen, heard and know you are loved! I want those who feel alone to know that you're never alone, I am here for you, my blog is here for you.

This isn't the first time I have received asks about my sexual experiences. A month or two ago I received a spam of asks that I never answered because of how disturbing and outright disgusting they were. Now, after last night, I feel that I need post this. I am not asking for anything in return, I just want to make that clear. All I want is for people to understand the hurt I am currently feeling.

I've always been open on here about the fact that I am a virgin. It's nothing that I feel ashamed about, I don't think there is anything wrong with it. I know there are plenty of people like myself who are also virgins. I wish there were more people who are open about being a virgin, if people can be so open about the fact they aren't a virgin, why can't we be open about the fact we are?

So when this anon asked if I was a virgin, I was honest and said yes. My mind was already racing with "oh god, what's next?" and I was just hoping whoever they are was jus being curious. But instead, I feel like they've made me ashamed of the fact I am a virgin, 25 and write smut.

TW; SA, Physical & Mental Abuse Mentioned -

A few of you would already know that unfortunately yes, I am a victim of sexual assault. I was a child and it was something that happened daily for a couple of years. Due to this, I have trauma, PTSD, depression and anxiety. I grew up with little knowledge on the basics of sex because of how triggering it was for me. I couldn't sit in on sexual education classes, I couldn't joke around about penis's with my friends let along look at one. For so long, I genuinely believed what happened to me was normal. I was 12 when I realised it wasn't.

It took me years to even be okay with the topic of sex, to see it in movies or even think of it. My sexuality wasn't something I always questioned, I had a big crush on Bieber during my teen years and there were a few other male celebrities that I found rather attractive, it wasn't until I was 17 that I saw women in a different way and tbh, the feeling I got from thinking about myself in a relationship with a woman was a lot more comforting then it was to thinking of myself with a male.

Did my abuse make me bisexual? Maybe. I don't know. I don't really care. I like women a lot more than I like men, I feel more comfortable talking to women than I do men.

Did my abuse stop me from having 'normal' teenage experiences? Yes. I have never physically been with anybody, I have never kissed anybody nor have I ever been on a date. Is that sad? maybe to some, to me? No.

I have little to no trust in males. Given that my abuser also physically abused me for such little things and mentally, I don't know what it feels like to not have the thoughts I do about myself. This person has ruined so much of my life and has had control over what I do because of the trauma they caused me.

But all that aside for a moment, I am still a human. I am a woman who still feels things. I am learning every day of new things. I have done plenty of research for the things I felt I missed out on in school. I have a best friend who is so fucking patient and understanding with me that he will explain things to me if needed.

Writing & reading smut over the last year has been really good for me. I don't mean that in a weird way, I mean that in a way it has helped me explore things I didn't know were a thing, it has helped me grow more comfortable with sex and that sex is a normal thing. Don't worry, I know what is written in smut is purely fiction, I know what happens in porn isn't real. I am not stupid.

But I can't sit here and say that smut has been really helpful. Some of you might not understand that and that's okay. But I have come a long way with being comfortable and finally feeling like I can be open about things I enjoy.

Back to this anon.

Yes, I am 25 and never had sex. I have never voluntarily sucked a guy off. i have never voluntarily slept with a male, touched a male or seen a males body. Why any of that is important to you makes no sense to me. You have brought back things that I wish to not think about. You have made me feel triggered and as though I shouldn't be writing such topics because of my lack of experience. You had no consideration whats so ever and I believe found it rather funny.

I am feeling so many feelings and having thoughts that I wish to express but I know you'll most likely see it has a sob story and make matters worse. What I do hope though is that if you have read this that you understand that your words and actions hurt. I am not weak for telling you this, I am not weak for not having any sexual experience, I am not weak for asking you to understand that your thoughtless actions were not called for.

I do not need to have sex to know what I am doing. I do not need to have sex with a cis male to know how to write about dicks. I do not need you to make me feel ashamed of this either.

This is already such a long post and I don't even expect anybody to still be reading this but if you are, please, please remember to always be kind! spread love, support and happiness. You honest have no idea what your words and actions can do to somebody. Be aware and be considerate, you would never want your closest friends to feel that way I am currently feeling.

I am sending love to everybody, if you ever need a friend to talk too my DMS//asks are always open. I will listen and be whoever it is you need 💜

[russilton]

sometimes i get a bit annoyed by people saying "they are all nepo babies" when people try to criticise this issue in f1 (to be fair a lot of it isn't productive or just mean spirited) when lewis and esteban and their families had to work their way up from the very bottom. no they aren't ALL nepo babies and even if they were, it still isn't a good thing.

or even when people say "lawrence stroll's only being a loving father" when there are literally drivers like george on the current grid who had been snubbed in the past and almost lost it all because of him. like okay fine he loves his son but stop pretending its some great and noble act when he has hurt so many people.

You and I are very similar anon, every now and then I hold in complaining about this for too long and end up getting very grumpy about it. Just last night poor @jamesvowles got this text and then I ranted about this exact topic

I also get very rankled by ‘theyre all nepo babies so you can’t critique mine’. One- I sure as hell can, and I will rightfully critique all of the ways they were given privileged access to a sport. Two —There are also different levels of privilege— things like Carlos and Checo and Mick having parental connections that helped them get a seat are the definition of nepotism- but are still less than Lando’s dad buying his seat (while he did still preform fairly well in f2), or Lances dad buying an entire team for him.

And then theres the fact that some drivers got very very lucky to get access to support from outside funding- they had to get it on their talent providing them opportunities for connections and without it, they would’ve had to stop racing entirely. Lewis, George, Esteban, questionably Alex, and I’m sure theres several others I haven’t done the appropriate research on to site all had this. Lewis getting support from Ron Dennis, George getting support from Toto- these are privileged connections that allowed them to get to F1. They deserved that help, their parents gave everything to get them to that point.

What annoys me a bit about ‘theyre all nepo babies’ and ‘lance’s only crime is having a loving father’ is… those other drivers had loving parents too. Lewis’ dad working something like four jobs so they could afford his karting, George’s dad selling his small business and working two jobs and night shifts for George’s, Esteban’s family selling their home for him— I have opinions about how f1 pushes children and families to chase possible bankrupting and questionable parenting for the chance at being millionaires on the backs of young, young kids.. but you cant argue their parents didn’t fucking love them when they were sacrificing everything in their lives for their son to have a chance at their dreams.

The argument isn’t ‘lance’s dad shouldn’t have supported his children’s dreams’ its that these drivers with connected parents didn’t have to jump through extra hoops to get to f1, they had it paved for them, and the money they brought with them keeps them in their seats, while other drivers didn’t have that, and had their performance dropped, they would have been dropped too. They didnt get a chance to rest or make mistakes or risk losing a sponsor. The argument also isn’t ‘nepo babies can never be wdc’s’. Whether I like it or not, Max’s 3 questionable wdc’s amount to at least one total, your parents dont denote your talent. The problem arises when those parents directly hinder or harm the careers of other drivers in order to push their kid forward. Stuff like Esteban being kicked from racing point to give lance a seat forcing him to go a year without one, or George being kicked from PREMA with very little warning at a time he’s talked about desperately struggling with funding.

Those parents should not have had the opportunity to do that, it shouldn’t have ever happened. But where people get actually upset is when the fans of drivers who get that help don’t acknowledge that privilege, or the drivers themselves (like lando in particular) don’t acknowledge the privileges they’ve been afforded. Stomping your feet and going ‘you’re just mad you didn’t get that’ never diffuses a thing. I, and George himself even, have both said that even as a poorer driver, he got more opportunities as a white man than someone else would have. Both George and Lewis talk about how because they were men they had less to fight against than a female driver. Acknowledging your own benefits kinda kills the resentment you could hold against them for getting that help. Nobody should be expecting 24/7 grovelling realistically, but a mention every now and then would be nice, or just understanding those reasons are valid reasons not to like a driver. I can argue all I want that George doesn’t have a posh accent.. but for some people him being British is too much of a reason not to like him, and thats fine. On god, more George and Lewis left for me.

Yes this is the millionaire tax evader sport. Yes they could still be doing more to better the chances for less privileged drivers. Yes they are racing in countries with horrible human rights records with so little complaint… but ‘everything is fucked so what’s the point’ is a nihilist way of thinking, where as I would rather point at drivers like Lewis and George and going ‘if they can do it, so should you.’ Because that incremental change is what will lead us to a better over all

I am- MORE than sure there are nuances to this discussion I’m not covering here in my very subjective personal opinion on the matter at 11 am on a Monday morning, but rambling about it made me feel lighter and more chill about the whole thing, so I don’t really regret doing it, lol. This isnt a call for action, just a longwinded whinge. I’m British, I think everyone should have a whinge every now and then and they’ll be a lot happier.

[jellazticious]

Oh Boy! Another Post For College Since It's Finals

For this post, I'm gonna start yapping about everything I've gathered from the New Media. You don't have to read this cuz I'm like running on three hours of sleep making this yeehaw, amen, let's get started

First and foremost, what even is this subject? for those who aren't familiar with Filipino subjects. This post is for the subject of Writing for New Media.

This subject teaches everything there is to know about being on the internet as a professional. This includes topics so many people love to ignore such as internet safety, reading comprehension, double checking, and making sure what you post is nuanced and readable (not just by text but by choice of colors and making sure the intended texts are easily found/tracked, I'm looking at you "webcore" aesthetic), etc

One of the lessons taught to us is giving clarity to titles, this is especially important for news and announcements. You shouldn't make an urgent headline with unnecessary details that could be covered in the article, not only does it clutter the title but it also makes it confusing to know what the point is. With that being said, I sure hope the title I made for this post is straight forward and a little eye catchy without being flashy.

We also were taught about how to become a clout chaser 🤢

One of the most embarrassing things I have to do was to make a TikTok video to be posted on Facebook and the higher the reaction means the higher the grade. To argue with that, it's a little unfair because attention is best when it's out of familiarity and genuinely liking the post. It's harder to do that when there are people who are very disconnected to Facebook especially in the class with queer and/or autistic students.

On a good note, we did also discuss copyright laws and other laws that take place online, I'm glad to know that you can be arrested and fined for making a falsely accusing "call out" post but not glad that it isn't taken seriously unless you're an actor who hit it off in the news.

Now for the finals on that subject, I'm required to make sure my post answers a few questions and one of them is "what can I contribute to New Media?"

My answer is I don't think students can answer that solidly. Like art, everything is probably already done on the internet so it will be hard to find something new about it enough for a contribution. Unless I'm hired as a professional internet researcher or smthn but I just want to be a freelancer artist. The best next thing is to learn the upcoming bullshit and try to steer away from it.

I just sure wish more was expanded since we have one lecture per term this year. Other than that, I'm glad I'm getting over this year HOOWIE

[montammil]

TWO WHUMPERS?? Oh ho ho, I'm already choosing favorites. I think I like Blake more for now, because unlike someone, he appreciates beautiful blue wings

So, Blake what is a perfect pet for you? How do you imagine life with a pet? Do you believe you will be a responsible owner?

And, if you're still interested in doing cold cold eyes requests, maybe you consider some of these ideas, please?

1 Lawrence and Marshall go somewhere to eat in public and someone who knows Marshall before kidnapping sees them and tries to talk and Marshall knows he needs to act like "everything is fine, he is not kidnapped, please leave before Lawrence will get mad and kill you and punish me god know how". (I wonder if Marshall will succeed and Lawrence will be pleased or fail and Lawrence end up killing the guy and blame it on Marshall, adding more trauma for poor boy) +++++ kudos, if this person mentions some very dangerous themes like Marshall's parents looking for him. 2 Lawrence actually did broke Marshall's fingers as punishment for something really serious, and now he helps his son with basic stuff - feeds him, dresses him, brushes his hair etc. maybe even brushes Marshall's teeth. And Marshall knows what Lawrence is still angry with him and desperately tries to not irritate him more, but it's really hard to be treated like a baby, so how long will he be able to behave? 3 This one for times, then Marshall has stockholm syndrome and Lawrence's friends thinks Marshall is his real son. Maybe some of them start nagging Marshall for being childish and tell him to man up? And Lawrence hears it. I know it's a lot, feel free to ignore or change these ideas as you like. I enjoy everything you write anyway)

"To your first question, the perfect pet is someone obedient and loyal, without those things, what's even the point of having one? But like us humans, pets can be broken down just like anyone else. If you can't do that, you aren't a good pet owner."

"To your second question... I imagine my life with a pet very simple. I get home from work, they entertain me, and in return they get rewarded. I'm no monster, after all."

"And to your last question... of course I'd be a responsible pet owner. Sure, maybe I haven't done as much research as Liam, but unlike him, I treat my pets with dignity when it's deserved."

...

And yes, please continue to request Cold, Cold Eyes things!! I'll never get tired of them! I plan to post the other two requests soon, since I love all these ideas equally and it was impossible to choose one!

CW: Murder (implied), food, panic attack, crying, parental whumper, manipulation, French people /j

Marshall didn't know what to think when Lawrence mentioned going to a restaurant to eat. He'd been in Lawrence's house for just a little less than half a year now, even if it feels like a lot more

Lawrence notices the younger man's nervous frown. "Is something wrong?"

"Are you sure about me being out in public?" Marshall doesn't know if this is a test or something, but what ever it is, he doesn't like it. What if someone notices him? Surely not, he thinks he looks way different than what he looked like before he was taken, given the childish pastel blue clothes he's wearing.

Lawrence's expression softens, and he reaches out to tuck a few strands of hair behind Marshall's ear. "I'm sure. I can trust you, right, kiddo?"

Marshall nods. "Yeah, but--"

"Then there's nothing to worry about."

"If you're sure..." Marshall is still convinced this is some kind of test. There's no way he can just be this calm and nonchalant about it. He doesn't know if he should be more worried, or less.

Lawrence smiles at him, then turns around and starts walking towards the front door. "Come on, let's go!"

Marshall follows and awkwardly gets in the passenger seat of his car. At least he's not making him sit in the backseat with a booster seat. Now that'd be really humiliating. He doesn't even know where they're going to eat, Lawrence just mentioned a French restaurant. Marshall never cared much for French food, but Lawrence seems pretty hyped for it, so he chooses to not complain.

He doesn't know why he'd feel bad to ruin his kidnapper's happy mood. It used to be out of fear, but it doesn't feel like that anymore. He knows some part of him really doesn't mind some of Lawrence's affections, given his daddy issues, but he'd be pretty messed up in the head to actually love his captor back, right?

They park in a parking lot, and Lawrence takes his keys out of the ignition and then puts on sunglasses. "Now, you remember what we talked about, right?"

"Yeah." How could he forget. He's been thinking about it nonstop.

Lawrence walks around to the other side of the car, and opens the door for Marshall. "Good. Let's go."

Marshall steps out of the car and follows Lawrence into the restaurant. It looks pretty fancy, and he takes note of how the waiters and waitresses all look really professional. He wonders how much this place cost. It's like the French restaurant stereotype.

Most people around them don't look their way, luckily. Marshall wonders why Lawrence has sunglasses on inside, but doesn't say anything. Even if he wanted to, his anxiety would be too much.

The lady at the front desk smiles politely at him. "Bonjour, Lawrence. Comment allez-vous?"

"Plutôt bien! Et toi, comment ça va?"

Marshall stares at him in surprise. They continue to converse back and forth before he leads Marshall to the back of the room, where it's more isolated. There's one person eating alone, but he seems too enthralled with his food to care.

Lawrence points to a table and gestures for Marshall to sit down. He does so, Lawrence sitting across from him.

He picks up his menu and hums. "What are you getting, kiddo?"

"I don't really know most of the stuff on this menu," Marshall replies flatly. He's never been here before, and he doesn't really feel like looking through the whole thing. He just wants to eat so he can go home and go back to bed.

"Oh, that's okay. I'll order for you."

Marshall nods. Even if Lawrence annoys him, he admires he at least knows what food he likes and doesn't, so he trusts him in that regard.

Lawrence soon holds up a hand and tells the waitress that they'll both have croque monsieurs and potatoes au gratin. He understood the 'potatoes' part in his sentence, at least.

As Lawrence talks to Marshall about random stuff that he isn't really paying attention to, he notices the guy from across the room staring at him. They lock eyes briefly, the guy having ginger hair and blue eyes, and is in an expensive-looking suit. He doesn't know why anyone would want to eat alone here, unless maybe the poor guy had been stood up or something.

The stranger breaks the eye-contact first, looking back down at his food. Marshall thinks it's strange, but goes back to pretending to pay attention to Lawrence. Does the guy recognize him? He hopes not, or else a scene will definitely be caused.

A few minutes later, their food comes out. The waitress sets down what look like cheese and ham sandwiches for both of them, and a side of cheesy potatoes that look like they were mushed together. He's glad it looks actually pretty good.

He takes a bite of the sandwich and moans happily. "Mmm, this is delicious!"

"Good, huh?" Lawrence asks, smiling at him.

"Yeah, it's really good! I've never had anything like this before."

Lawrence chuckles. "I'm glad."

Marshall notices the guy staring at him again with his phone out this time, but tries to ignore it when Lawrence picks up his glances towards the stranger. After a while, Lawrence stands up and announces he's going to the restroom. Marshall nods and watches him walk away.

"Hey, kid."

Oh no. Marshall looks at the guy again, who's now staring directly at him. "Uh, y-yeah?"

"You're Marshall Jackson, aren't you?"

"Oh, umm... no. I don't know who that is." He hopes if he plays dumb, the guy will just leave him alone. He's not doing this for Lawrence, he just doesn't want the poor guy to get hurt. That's what he tells himself, anyway.

The guy frowns. "I saw you on TV."

Marshall freezes, unable to think of anything to say. "I really think you have the wrong person, sir."

"Look... I'm gonna call the police, okay? He's not going to hurt you anymore."

Oh fuck. Marshall's heart starts racing. "Please don't. I'm not kidnapped, okay? Please don't call anyone."

"Don't you want to get back to your parents? They're worried sick about you."

No. Marshall doesn't want to think about them. He feels like crying, what turned to be an innocent day out turned awful. He never wants to go outside again. His lip starts quivering as he stares at the man, trying to muster another reply.

When he thinks of his parents, he thinks of not wanting to go back. Tears start to roll down his eyes and he feels on the verge of a panic attack.

"Marshall!" Lawrence bolts over, kneeling down and cupping Marshall's pale cheeks in both his hands. "Hey, what happened? What did he say to you?" 

He looks back at the man and grabs the phone out of his hand and throws it to the ground. 

"What did you say to him?!" His sunglasses are no longer on his face, and an angry glare is showing in his eyes.

The man swallows thickly but glares back. "I told him I was going to call the cops because you're a kidnapper," he states matter-of-factly. Just as he tries standing, Lawrence clocks him in the face. The man falls to the ground with a grunt.

"Let me tell you something," Lawrence snarls, stomping his foot against his chest to pin him down. "You ever talk to my son like that again, and I'll kill you. Do you understand me?"

"He--" the man chokes on air, "he isn't your son."

Marshall panics more. He sees Lawrence get even more angry, clenching his fists, so he crawls forward to grab onto his pant leg tightly, shaking his head in desperation. "No, please don't-- don't hurt him. Let's just go home. Please."

Lawrence lets out a breath, and then nods. He breaks the man's phone by stomping on that, too. He grabs his sunglasses that fell on the floor, takes a deep breath, and puts them back on. 

Marshall yelps when he gets lifted off the ground with surprising ease, and notices the same lady from before is standing at the entrance of the room. She doesn't even look slightly worried or alarmed.

In a monotone voice, Lawrence tells her, "On prend l'entrée arrière." He walks out the door and pauses. "Tuez-le. Je me fiche de savoir comment, mais faites-le."

Marshall wonders what he's saying. On second thought, he doesn't want to know, since she seems to be more than just an employee here. He tries to open his mouth to say something, but Lawrence shushes him and continues walking.

Once they're outside, he opens the back car door and puts Marshall in, getting in afterwards. "Are you okay, baby? Did he hurt you?"

"No, I'm fine," Marshall murmurs. He feels anything but, but he doesn't want Lawrence to go back in there and really kill the guy. He just feels so lucky he ended up not doing it.

If Lawrence ended up killing him, Marshall couldn't live with himself. He'd feel responsible for whatever happened. He knows he wouldn't be able to handle that.

Lawrence sighs. "I'm so sorry about that, Marshie. I really didn't think anyone would recognize you, but you were right. What did he say to you?"

Sniffling, Marshall says, "Nothing."

"Marshall, you can be honest with me."

His voice is so soft and genuine, and Marshall cries harder. "He said my parents were worried about me." 

He doesn't know why he's telling Lawrence this, given Lawrence showed nothing but anger every time he brought up his biological, real parents, but with how sweet he's acting right now, it's impossible for him not to cave in.

Lawrence rubs Marshall's back gently. "Oh, bud..." He presses multiple kisses to Marshall's forehead and hair, rocking him back and forth. "Shh... shh, I've got you."

After, and only after Marshall's tears cease, does Lawrence pull away to thumb the last of his tears away. Marshall hates himself for leaning into his touch.

"And you know why that was stupid of him to say, right, sweetie?"

Marshall nods shakily.

He smiles. "Good. They left you. They don't care about you and... I've seen them on TV before. I can tell they're faking their sadness and tears when they talk about you. It's so obvious it hurts. They kicked you out, they couldn't care less what happened to you. I bet they wouldn't even care if you're dead."

Those words make Marshall start to cry again. Lawrence says these words so sweetly still and he hates it. He doesn't even doubt his words, either.

"But I care about you," Lawrence continues, voice more sweet than ever now. "I love you. You're my entire world, and I'm so proud of you for not listening to that... that man. You're my pride and joy. Never forget that."

Again, Marshall can only nod.

Lawrence presses one more kiss to his temple. "Let's go home now. I'll make whatever you want and we can stargaze tonight. Maybe even camp outside. Would you like that, kiddo?"

"Yeah," Marshall whispers, sniffling. "I'd like that."

[hangingslothcentral]

Hello- sliding in with some creator-based questions! 1. How long do you spend on research for shows? Is it all done at the very beginning or more search for things when you need to?

2. How do you get more comfortable and confident writing longer monologues without feeling like you've lost a listener's attention? Is it in the background sound? Is it in long and fancy words? Hope the real-life horrors aren't consuming your whole soul! - Cry MJ

Hi!!! These are great Qs thanks for asking!!!

Research for stuff is really on going and developing as I make a project. I spend a significant chunk of time at the very beginning of a project reading around the subject areas involved to try to get a sense of whether or not it's something that will be able to hold my interest over a long period of time. Show making, as you know, means you're living with your project for hundreds of hours. It's every bit as big of a commitment as writing a novel, and more of one, if it's a multiseason show. It's kind of like compatility in relationships; you gotta scope out whether or not you're going to work out long-term at the beginning, and a good way to do that is research. Second to this, though, most of my shows are about something I'm coming in with a high base amount of knowledge of in one way or another. I read medical journals for fun, for example, so research for NQD is just building on existing knowledge and stuff. Sometimes there will be a specific area of interest I need to swot up in, like tarot for SBR. Research for shows very much on-going and grows along with the project.

2. I actually really struggle to recognise my work as being any good despite reassurannce from others. Instead, I dedicate huge amounts of time to practicing my craft. Writing is one of those things where the best way to improve is to do. It may not necessarily make you more confident, but it might help you find a loophole to bypass the self-doubt, which is what I find. Whilst I can't trust that my work is good, I CAN trust that I've definitely put the hours in to making it as good as I can personally make it, and that's usually enough to get me over the hump. Trust your audience, too; they have tuned into your show bc they like it, most of the time. You aren't holding them hostage. If they don't like the thing, that's fine, they'll just leave! Someone else WILL like it. Make the thing for them, instead. Another thing is to trust the characters. Why are they speaking this long in this way, uninterrupted? It's usually because they have something important or extremely interesting to say so let them speak! Sometimes, shy, reclusive characters will break up a monologue with hedging phrases, saying 'if that makes sense' or 'you know' to solicit feedback from their audience, whoever the audience is. It can be a good trick for a nervous writer worrying their Big Speech is overstaying its welcome. In short; make sure your monologues are in character, trust that you as a writer have done the work and are good at what you do, and trust that the audience who will enjoy your character's 4 minute rant about dead plants will come along and when they do, they'll love it so so much.

I hope this was interesting and helpful!! --- Eira xxxx

[mdhwrites]

Thoughts On Honkai Star Rail's First Three Arcs

This isn't going to be comprehensive and I won't talk about it from a gameplay perspective. Gameplay wise, I actually REALLY like Star Rail and wish it wasn't a free to play Gacha game as those elements are mostly what I feel hold it back. However, unlike most free to play games, let alone Gacha games, I find the writing of Star Rail actually pretty decent and even good much of the time. It's why I came back to it after taking like half a year plus off so I could see what new story they had for me. But like I said, this post at least won't be extensive. You can send me asks if you want my further thoughts on other parts. Also, just as a heads up, a lot of this is going off of kind of old memories of content I could literally only go through once. Oh, and final disclaimer: This isn't taking into account side content. Not only have I not done the Xianzhou's side quests yet, I only just got told I need to wait for more story, but reviewing that is a lot harder given the time lapse unfortunately. I could review specific companions but not overall side quest quality probably other than it being alright and the Xianshou have my favorite puzzles so far probably.

With that said:

1: Herta's Space Station and the Antimatter Legion

As a story, it's fine. As a tutorial it's... Bumpy to put it mildly. The biggest issue is a problem that will come back: Proper Noun Soup. You get a lot of information thrown at you and a lot of terms having to be clarified very quickly, made worse if you try to read the DOZENS of documents scattered around even the literal tutorial part of it. It makes sense for that information to be here, this is a research station and archive. There's a lot of info here. It does mean a lot is being thrown at once at the player though.

But as a tutorial, the most important element isn't actually so much if the story is innovative, it's not as it's just saving a station under attack, as much as it is about whether or not it hooks the player. And for that...

7/10 overall for the story here.

It's quick, the action is good, the stakes are high and aren't really undervalued or undersold and the boss battle is an incredibly satisfying conclusion. The enemy may be faceless but the face we get is both literally attractive and narratively tantalizing, giving a lot of interesting questions both about our character and our rival organization just by the act of us coming to consciousness. It's only real issue is trying to retain everything thrown at you and the time that has to be spent mostly explaining stuff to you in kind of awkward ways. It's far from bad though, especially since I use the whole scale so a five is a passing grade for me.

Jarilo-VI and the Eternal Freeze

9/10 overall for me. The biggest issues come down to two things. The first is the general pitch for the world: Final Fantasy 14 Heavensward but without the dragons and gods. That's both actually not a bad thing but also slightly bad for it. Removing dragons from anything is always going to be a bummer and you would think removing gods and cults would be a bad thing but it's not.

I'm actually being reductive even calling it a ripoff. The sort of classist story that it's telling is actually pretty normal fair for speculative fiction. By removing the extreme fantasy elements though, it focuses a lot more on the actual human stakes and the suffering that's being caused by the class divide. It's honestly a very human story with a well rounded cast of all sorts to give perspective and neat twists and turns. Nothing mind blowing but pivots that add charm to the archtype. Buuuuut it's still doing the archtype and so as a fan of fantasy, there's little new about it and what is new makes me chuckle like everyone having came from the same fucking orphanage. XD

And it playing it so by the numbers feeds into its second issue: It's. Fucking. LONG. It moves at a crawl due to its factions and the like, or that's how it feels to me. It had little to escalate to by being so human so it's kind of just buzzing along for at least half of it, which is the majority of the time you're in the slums. You're not making progress outside of turning some hearts and so you're just kind of twiddling your thumbs happily as you wait for when you finally get an option to jump back into the real action.

The climax is genuinely fantastic though and pays off that slow build with a grand crescendo as allies either come in now or have been helping you the entire way. Afterwards, you feel like you genuinely accomplished something and that things will be better. Honestly, I wonder what the production process for the worlds are because this COULD have been split in half probably and been more satisfying to do it.

Speaking of:

The Xianzhou Loufu and the Stellaron Crises

5/10

Like I said, I use the whole scale and I'll admit that this might be skewed due to me having spent so long away from the story right in the middle of it. Or, more like 3/4s which you would not be expecting when you got to the moment where the main story content used to cut off at.

Pacing is the big murderer here. Despite the fact that there is a ticking time bomb somewhere on this planet ship, you don't really feel like you're doing a lot. You're stuck in bureaucracy more than anything and it takes multiple dungeon areas for you to finally talk to any of the actual villains in the ship. Otherwise, it's almost literally twiddling your thumbs and waiting. Once things happen, they happen all at once. Not even with great payoffs but almost like they were just stomping out plot points that were in the way of the final boss and they didn't have the resources to finish the story properly so it could pay off wider elements.

Now, there was this element back on Jarilo but the situation was neither so immediate and the elements being introduced came back around. Much of what makes the Loufu's sky Venice have ANY flavor doesn't really lead to anything. It gestures towards it with the cult that eventually shows up but it's actually only briefly in the story and undercuts any interesting arguments it has by going "WE'RE PURE EVIL RACISTS WHO WANT IMMORTALITY BECAUSE IT MAKES US STRONG!" and suddenly they're not interesting in anyway... Only to then be replaced by a threat that is somehow even MORE one dimensional than 'evil cult'.

There's a real lack of personal stakes in it either. It has an interesting hook by going back to that pretty face who put a bomb in our chest back on Herta but they're more a cameo. Literally for her friend, Blade who gets one moment and then just pisses off because... *shrug* The statement he made about prices needing to be paid never amounts to much of anything besides that being the first cutscene of the entire arc. It doesn't make me excited for the end cutscene of this arc because we'll see where it goes.

BUUUUUT even if the main plot of the Loufu is a lot of wasted potential and kind of meh in general, it is dragged back to treading water by the B plot. This is the first one with a B plot away from your main group and the mystery it presents is actually neat. It shows a lot of good nobility for a pretty stoic character and a pretty interesting backstory that also doesn't have to weight the character down going forward. It's the one element I would say that really pays off with the Loufu.

That doesn't save it and it has a pretty laughable epilogue where a character who died with very little personality besides being good at their job is suddenly made out to be this charismatic saint who was friends with everyone and enriched the Loufu so much and I'm just sitting here going "SURE WOULD HAVE LIKED TO HAVE SEEN THAT EARLIER!"

Plus side, the gameplay lets me reanimate her corpse since she is a playable party member in the gacha which does make having her death be a big deal less of one.

Overall Thoughts on Star Rail's Writing:

If I am judging its writing quality just by whether or not the writing is good, without context, it actually ranks pretty darn high. Probably a 7/10 which is better than most MMOs, let alone free to play gacha games. That is the draw of Hoyo admittedly. A gacha game that's closer to at least AA quality, if not AAA.

But it being a Hoyoverse property also hurts it. A LOT. I played the first arc of Genshin Impact after all and while I think the plot is better here, there's very little distinguishing the two. That shouldn't happen though because one is fantasy... Star Rail is Scifi. If you look up pictures of the Loufu though and its characters, you would almost never guess that it's scifi. They have divination, they have alchemy, there's a sidequest where you bring someone's soul out of the soul containment part of the ship to put into a robot that's effectively a golem so you can communicate with the dead. The entire final part of the story is all about gods, reincarnation and magic and NOTHING else. Its boats are grown out seeds.

And that IS frustrating. Jarilo VI is also bad about this but they're at least a civilization who's development was pushed back. Them having a contemporary/fantasy style works better there, even if not perfectly. And I am a bigger fantasy fan than scifi but I came to this expecting a scifi game. If I'm lucky, I get a scifi aesthetic, MAYBE a little flavor... But often not even that.

It's why I pause on hard recommending Star Rail for its writing. It took the traveling wanderers excuse and so far hasn't done anything with it that having isolated islands wouldn't do just as well.

And while I may be Nameless, I would like the story to start forming its own identity.

======+++++======

For anyone curious btw: I have bought the first season pass when I completed it but have spent no money on the game otherwise. I don't have the money to spend on free to play games and in general I just don't. If I play consistently enough to clear a season pass though, I usually feel like the devs have earned a bit of money out of me in return.

I have a public Discord for any and all who want to join!

I also have an Amazon page for all of my original works in various forms of character focused romances from cute, teenage romance to erotica series of my past. I have an Ao3 for my fanfiction projects as well if that catches your fancy instead. If you want to hang out with me, I stream from time to time and love to chat with chat.

A Twitter you can follow too

And a Kofi if you like what I do and want to help out with the fact that disability doesn’t pay much.

[uncloseted]

Have you seen the What Is A Woman documentary by Matt Walsh, or trailers of it? I saw trailers and was absolutely shocked. What do you think about this?

I think he's essentially being a troll under the guise of "just asking questions" and "just looking for the truth". Just from the trailer, it doesn't seem like the edit was done in good faith with the intention of having a real discussion about what womanhood is, but rather with the intention of making trans people and their allies seem unreasonable and unhinged.

I can tell him what a woman is, at least in my view:

In order to "be a woman", a person must:

1. Identify as a woman and: 2. have a cluster of biologically female sex characteristics, either naturally or artificially, or gender dysphoria resulting in a desire to acquire those sex characteristics AND/OR 3. socially inhabit womanhood through gender expression or gender performance, or have a desire to socially inhabit womanhood

But like, that's not the answer Matt Walsh wants, right? He doesn't want to discuss the nuances of gender theory or the fact that biological sex is a cluster concept rather than a binary one. That's a boring documentary and one that nobody would watch. He doesn't want someone to grill him on what he thinks makes him a man, and the shortfalls of the argument that he presents. And he's not really interested in uncovering any sort of "truth". He just wants to make trans people look bad so that he doesn't have to contend with their presence in society.

"What is a woman" is kind of a bullshit question in this context, because who the fuck cares how you're defining the metaphysical concept of "womanhood"? What matters is the political and social ramifications of who is accepted into "womanhood". In the words of Contrapoints, what trans women share is not an ideology of what it means to "be a woman". They share a common set of political struggles against discrimination, against harassment, against excessive medical gatekeeping, against exclusion from public life.

Walsh is painting himself as having "legitimate concerns" that stem from not having a definition of womanhood, but are really just poorly researched "concerns" about trans people. In the trailer, someone (I'm not sure if it's Walsh?) says, “I care about the truth, I care about children, I care about the women who are having their opportunities stolen from them.” But that by itself belies a (willful) misunderstanding of nearly all conversations that are happening around trans people. The children are fine. Doctors who deal with trans children, teenagers, and adults are following strict guidelines based on scientific research that includes the emotional, physical, and psychological well-being of trans and gender non-conforming kids. There are no five year olds who are being prescribed medications or having body parts of theirs "chopped off". And there are far more cis teenagers who undergo elective breast augmentation or gynecomastia surgery than trans teenagers who do. But it's not really about the children, is it? It's not about, "gynecomastia surgery is dangerous" or "in the future, this teenage girl might regret getting a boob job because she thinks it will make her look sexier to men". Matt Walsh doesn't give a single fuck about either of those issues. He cares about making trans people look like the bad guys.

The "women having their opportunities stolen from them" is the same bullshit. They're not advocating for women in any other arena. They're not interested in advocating for women to get equal opportunities to their male counterparts via maternity leave, or passing additional laws about equal pay, or bias in hiring practices.

And when have any of these individuals ever given a single thought to women's sports before it became a convenient political football? These older, cis, white men who are suddenly so goddamned concerned about fairness in women's sports aren't buying tickets to women's sports games. They're not advocating for equal pay between men and women's sports. They're not encouraging more colleges and universities to have women's sports programs. They don't even want to have an informed conversation about what constitutes fairness within these sports. They're not interested in looking at the guidelines that the International Olympic Committee or NCAA have put out on trans athletes in different sports and identifying where they think these policies have gone wrong. And they don't seem to want to talk about the cis women who have lost out on opportunities because their levels of testosterone were deemed to be too high, despite the fact that they "care about the women who are having their opportunities stolen from them."

And that isn't even to speak of the way that this is essentially a slippery slope argument to begin with- really what it's saying is, "well, if we let trans people compete, then there will be lots of trans people competing, and then there will be so many people with a biological advantage that women are edged out of their own sports." But that's not where we are currently, and it's really just speculation that that might happen... especially since we do currently let trans people compete on the professional level in many sports, and there hasn't exactly been a "trans wave" of athletes showing up to dominate. There are under 100 professional trans athletes in the US, not all of them trans women, and they're not exactly picking up gold medals at an unprecedented rate. The only trans people that I could find who have actually won anything is Lia Thomas, who won the 500-yard freestyle event at the NCAA championships and Andraya Yearwood, who won high school state titles for the 100-meter dash and 200-meter dash. And is it not possible that maybe there are just two trans women who happen to be very good at their sports regardless of their biology instead of because of it?

All of this is silly. These are all false flags to make transphobes' unfounded concerns seem legitimate. In reality, all people like this care about is villainizing trans people for their own gain because it's the easiest way to get attention without actually having to be thoughtful or interesting.

[ftm2bbw]

It'd be so hot to turn you into a cow without your knowing. At least, not at first. In the beginning it just seems like I'm being friendly. You're such a compulsive eater that you don't question why I'm bringing over snacks and junk food every time I come over to your place to hang out and yet I don't even touch the stuff. I just hand it to you and watch you scarf it down, getting off on how greedily you shovel it all down your throat, watching your belly bloat from being overly full. I'm just being nice, that's all!

From there, it's not a big leap to start bringing you full meals, sometimes bought, but often cooked myself. It's fine, I say. I like cooking! I just happened to have some extra ingredients laying around and didn't want them to go bad. By this point, you've gotten so conditioned to get hungry whenever I come over that you really aren't about to look a gift horse in the mouth, simply thanking me and digging in, trying not to think about how much fatter you've gotten recently.

It doesn't even occur to you to think about the ingredients, but I've chosen them very carefully. I've done the research, found ingredients that help encourage estrogen absorption and creation in the body, and loaded your food full of it. Sometimes, just for fun, I'll even grind up some lactation supplements and mix it in with the sauces, just to watch you suck them down with blissful ignorance.

I'm not sure exactly when I'd reveal my plan to you, tell you exactly what I've been doing to you and your body for weeks, possibly months. Telling you that so many of the changes in your body were done intentionally by me. But I know that, when the time comes, I'd reach out and grab your swollen udders, now visibly much larger than when I started, and wobble them in my grip, admiring my handiwork. And it's only just the beginning.

Hey, I’ve never been one to complain about more food - and if you’re not eating then that’s just more for me! I certainly wouldn’t question all the extra treats and meals, not like it’s easy to think straight with a stuffed belly anyway. And to think, it would all be in addition to everything I eat regularly on my own. All the deliveries and fast food that I can never seem to moderate.

Any changes I’d just chalk up to my weight gain, at least at first. Yeah, my ass is bigger and my tits are heavier and my hips seem to be spreading, but I’m sure the rest of my body will catch up in time. And I’m sure you wouldn’t stop at sneaking just lactation supplements into my food. Crushing up appetite stimulants, hormones, even things to keep me sleepy and lazy and sedentary. Can’t go burning off all those extra calories after all…

By the time you revealed your plan to me, I’m sure I’d be far too conditioned and complacent to care. Somewhere I’d be screaming in the back of my head, but it would pale in comparison to the hedonistic rapture of stuffing my face, having my belly rubbed, and getting my udders groped and milked. Not that I could fight you off at that point if I wanted, I’d be far, far too heavy and out of shape…

[aqueenpriestess]

Hi, my names Cyrus and I was wondering if you could tell me some about your religion and such? Religion probably isn't the right word lol I'm really trying to just research anything and everything I can before I decide what I want to do with myself and my beliefs. Sorry for bothering you if I am

{Hello Merry Wanderer!}

{Everyone starts somewhere! Welcome to my blog! Don't worry, you aren't bothering me, I opened my asks up because I was ready to start receiving questions about my practice and craft.}

{At least I thought I was, I find that now that someone has actually asked me about it I'm having trouble describing it so I will do my very best!}

{I'm a shaman, and shaman are different from witches, mages, and other magical practitioners. We tend to be seen as very eclectic and each shaman does things differently.}

{My path involves a lot of being with the spirits and communing or living with them in my own way. I'm not like a pagan who worships the gods as I walk right along side them, learning from them directly as well as a mentor to help guide me and keep me from spirits that would endeavor to harm me and those I love. Because of this I spend more time with spirits then I do people and I tend to be fine with this.}

{I worship concepts not really spirits or gods, don't get me wrong I still give my respect to the spirits and gods when needed but a shamans relationship with spirits and gods and magic always seems to be very different from people who simply identify as pagan or wiccan.}

{These other paths are not bad mind you but watch out for recovering Christians who will try to force their own rules and laws of what they believe spirituality 'should' be as apposed to the truth: Spirituality is like water, each person will have a different shape and form that works best for them and as long as all things are done with respect, permission and proper protocol (in the case of closed practices you must get permission and be properly educated by a teacher from those practices you cannot do them on your own it's very disrespectful!)}

{The basic concepts I worship are:

1. Love myself without putting down others

2. Take care of myself first without being abusive to others

3. Finding Inner Peace

4. Balance and Chaos are both needed for Ture Harmony to exist because Balance is the Mother, Chaos is the Father and Harmony is the child of the two

5. Good and Evil are concepts made by people and looking at spirits through those lenses is useless, darkness is not inherently evil, light is not inherently good. The Bible is filled with a sort of Light energy but only evil people seem to worship it. Light is not inherently good, the Satanic Temple is trying to save women's rights to abortions. Dark energy but the people who worship it are often kind and want equal rights for everyone.}

{I think that's a lot for now I'm sorry to talk your ear off! Let me know if there's anything specific you'd like to know about!}

[mystery-skulls-ghost]

not again.

Harlan Westerly

Twisted from: Herbert West Dorm: Terrovania (@terrovaniadorm) Year: 1st Birthday: October 19th Gender: Male Pronouns: He/Him Relationship Status: …Hahaha, no. Age: 16 Height: 159cm Dominant Hand: Right Origin: Queendom of Roses Club: Uninterested. Likes: The dead, biology, morbid jokes only he would get Dislikes: Plagiarists, blatant lies (not when he does it [hypocrite]), extroverts, loud noises Favorite Food: Abomination Energy Drink (Glowstick Green) Disliked Food: Yogurt Special Skill: Absolute dedication to any kind of work

Harlan Westerly is an interesting boy. He doesn't like to emote much. He has his own way of expressing his emotions. Almost nothing can faze him. He's not the type of person to willingly go out and skate or whatever the kids are doing these days. Instead, he's got work. Homework. All kinds of work. The guy hasn't had sleep in months. He's extremely fascinated with the idea of "restarting" things. There must be some reason as to why he's obsessed…

In short, he's like a fusion between Vil and Idia, except Idia is the major factor in this fusion, and the word "gamer" has been surgically removed, and in its place the phrase "MORE SCIENCE" was placed in the empty, gaping hole.

Unique Magic:

"Re-Animation" Quickly "restarts" a physically broken object back to its original unbroken state. But there's a few caveats…

Harlan has to witness the object being broken in the first place.

He needs to know how exactly it's comprised of.

The pieces still have to be nearby the object in question. Otherwise, it's just going to wing it, whether the pieces go there perfectly or not. It works on pieces of technology and other simple solid objects, even if it leaves small neon green seams on the broken edges. (They do fade out eventually, though.)

He can also use it on himself in regards to wounds, injuries, and other major accidents that really should leave him dead, but it requires a lot of energy. The green scars also remain.

Organic objects that aren't himself, such as dismembered limbs and the dead, however… They always end up in an odd state. Once used on a dismembered limb, it comes to life by itself. All traces of blood have been replaced with the same shade of glowing neon green.

It'll also try to relentlessly kill Harlan, and Harlan alone.

If interrupted in its pursuit of its "re-starter", it'll try to attack the aggravator until they're done for, and continue on its original goal. The only way to stop it for good is through burning it with fire. The effects are much, MUCH worse if done on a dead body of a mage. Walt knows what happens if he tried it on unrelated parts very close to each other…

…And he's willing to find ways to make it work properly without endangering himself.

With all that, he keeps its true power a secret. Everyone just knows the more mundane aspects of it.

Relationships:

Dusty - The pair-up you'd least expect. They actually are fine with each other! Although Harlan is a bit too clingy sometimes…

Samuel - …An interesting boy. Harlan tolerates him.

Agnar - Cold. Very, very cold. Do not put these two together.

Tiny Tidbits:

Harlan is actually a cousin of Vil from his mother's side. He doesn't show up to family reunions that much.

His hair color may be a very dark brown, but it's actually dyed. His actual hair color is blonde.

He's surprisingly very clingy to those he takes an interest in, but he'll quickly drop them depending on how dire the situation is. Once it blows over, he'll resume the relationship like nothing happened, for better or worse. He'll always come up with a reason as to why.

Only seems to find joy in the things he's already into. It's difficult for him to get into hobbies suggested by other people. Give him some time. He's even willing to ramble about his interests to anyone.

Harlan's parents were scientists. He aspires to be like them someday, having inherited all of their research ever since that tragic accident that took their lives. Or so everyone thinks…

[espressokiri]

Hi there. Another Muslimah here.

Hope you don't mind me sending you an ask. I read your fic about the BNHA boys with a muslim s/o. It was really good. I loved it so much. (There aren't many fics like this, which is a shame cause we like fanfics too. So this was very refreshing. Thank you.💚😉)

Could you do one for the Haikyuu boys, specifically Tsukishima, Kuroo, Sugawara, and Bokuto. But only if you want to, of course.

Hope you have a great and productive day.

Tsukishima Kei, Kuroo Tetsurou, Sugawara Koushi, and Bokuto Koutarou x Hijabi!reader

In which reader is a hijabi Muslim.

Warnings: None

Genre: Fluff

Notes: You're welcome to send asks anytime <3 I may be slow at getting through them but I will make sure to get them out! Thank you for being so sweet anon <3 I hope you enjoy this one! ^^ I’m sorry if it seems bland as I was slowly losing ideas.

Tsukishima Kei

His eyes would constantly drift to you during class hours, lips twitching into a smile as he would watch you struggle with the assignment sheet given during history class.

Would take that as a leeway to make conversation and help you out.

"Tsk, can't even do a simple history assignment?"

Just sits down next to you and points out what you did wrong while helping you out.

Flinches his hand away and mutters a sorry if your hands accidentally graze each others.

He knows how strict the dating rules were and he admired it, thinking it was a safe way to keep them away from harm and heartbreak.

Becomes your unofficial tutor just to spend more time with you.

Has the urge to flick your forehead most times when you purposely tease him.

Is worried when he sees you zoning out in the middle of class during Ramadan, you have to convince him you're fine and that you're getting your studying done despite the odd sleep schedule you've created.

He'll give you a small box of his favourite treat, strawberry short cake, randomly throughout Ramadan because he knows you crave more sweets during the days you fast than regular days.

He calls you a masochist when he finds you watching cooking/baking videos while fasting.

Will stop by your house to drop off pastries during Eid for you and your family because he wants to peak at you all dressed up as he's only seen you in your school uniform or in casual but modest fashion.

He feels a sense of security, enjoying the aspect of getting to know someone with no sense of rush.

Kuroo Tetsurou

He's such an awkward nerd please.

Wants to approach you but fears he might accidentally offend you due to his provocative nature, hence resorts to staring at you from across the room.

Would research more about your religion and would use that as a way to start small talk;

“Hey, uh, I was wondering how do you manage to pray Zuhr when you’re in school? Isn’t it bad that you have to miss it?”

“Oh uh, I usually run home as soon as I can or pray in my club room if there are meetings, my club members are very understanding.”

“Oh... I see.”

“That’s pretty cool of you to be concerned, Kuroo-san.”

Cue him asking you random but wholesome questions with genuine curiosity.

“Did you know men who oppress women are considered to not follow Islam? I find that really nice that women are equal to men in your religion!”

You smile at him and his interest in your religion.

Study sessions in the library because you both wanted to spend time with each other but he knows it is wrong for a male to be alone in the same room as the opposite gender so you both opted for the library where there are lots of people.

Gasps and immediately looks away when you unravel the scarf around your head to fix;

“Y/n! You can’t do that!!”

“I’m wearing an underscarf calm down.”

You rolled your eyes at the dramatic male but smiled at his respectful nature.

Ramadan? Catch him ruining his sleep schedule just to have movie nights with you through the phone and Netflix Party.

Kenma teases him about it because Kuroo used to yell at him about his own staying up late gaming obsession.

Likes it when you wear a cap on top of your hijab, he thinks it looks cool on you.

He’ll convince you to skip school during Eid if it falls on a school day, telling you that it’s important that you spend at least the first day of it with your family. 

Overall, he’s the type to keep up with the Islamic calendar and learn new facts daily as he asks you to explain each and everything about your religion and lifestyle.

Sugawara Koushi

See’s you for the first time with Kiyoko when he went to excuse her from class for managerial duties.

Smitten from first sight.

Begs Kiyoko to let you be her assistant manager.

He keeps a distance from you during your first introduction and conversation because he didn’t know what you were comfortable with.

He was in awe to find out there were sports hijab when he saw you sporting one to play a short game with an over-enthusiastic Hinata.

“Here, stay hydrated.”

Hands you a bottle of water along with a towel, a newfound respect for playing in hot weather conditions fully covered. 

Due to the chaotic nature of the first and second years, Sugawara would run to cover your eyes with his jacket or hover his hands in front of your face whenever Tanaka would rip off his shirt to swing around whenever he spiked.

Sugawara had to stop himself multiple times from clapping his hand onto your shoulder, resulting in him just smacking either Asahi or Daichi when they mention him almost touching you.

Outings between you two is always monitored by the third years, Asahi smiling proudly at his friend Suga while Daichi and Kiyoko would sneakily take candid pictures of you both.

“What’s one verse you hold dear to your heart?”

You look at him from the warm mug of drink you are holding, tilting your head as you look at him in confusion. Sugawara felt the tips of his ears go red at the cute expression you held, and explains his question.

“Ah,” you thought long and hard before giving him an answer, “ ‘Allah does not burden a soul beyond that it can bear...’ I find that part of the verse very reassuring in times when I feel like I’m overwhelmed.”

Sugawara held onto every word, finding the beauty behind those words, he felt at peace. “I’ll keep that in mind.” He smiles.

It felt like he was more excited than you for Ramadan.

He would read out loud the Japanese translation of the Quran after you read out the Arabic words in a beautiful and soothing voice. He wanted to understand and learn.

He was hooked onto the peaceful energy the month brought despite life going on normally.

This man would wear a formal Kimono when your family invites his over for Eid, he wanted to make the best impression despite already meeting them in passing.

Suga had a sense of security and comfort around him and you felt lucky to have met someone such as him.

Bokuto Koutarou 

Oh God.

Akaashi had a field day trying to stop him from initiating any and every kind of physical affection when he first introduced you to him.

Bokuto is a man who expresses himself with affection, so he was lucky for Akaashi to explain to him why he shouldn’t initiate any physical affection without asking for what you considered crossing a boundary.

He knows he can’t drag you to the gym to watch him play volleyball by hand, so he asks you to hold onto the end of a pen, which you took, confused as to what the male exactly wants before realizing he was holding the other end and using that to drag you to where the gym was.

It was oddly endearing.

“Did you see my spike, Y/n?! Didya see?!”

“Yes, Bokuto. It was really cool!”

Cue a chest puffed up Bokuto who grinned with pride.

Invites you to eat lunch with him and Akaashi on the roof.

Having to refuse his food because you weren’t sure if there was pork in it or not.

This made Bokuto stop bringing in food that contained pork, not knowing even aside from that, he had to have the halal form of chicken or beef.

Akaashi had to explain everything to him when he asked him once.

Tried to go vegetarian one day, failed the minute he took a bite out of his food.

Feels bad when he eats on days you are fasting, so he tries finishing the meal before you come up to their usual meeting spot, resulting in him giving himself a stomach ache.

Brings you tuna filled onigiri to take home so you can eat it as a snack during the night after breaking your fast.

Sends you spam messages minutes before having to break your fast;

‘Are you excited to eat?!?!?!’

‘What are you having today?!?’

‘If you want to get any snacks later let me know! :D’

‘ONE MINUTE LEFT!!’

He’s so wholesome please.

Wants to skip school with you for Eid, but pouts when you tell him you’ll be spending it with family.

Asks you to send an OOTD pic so he could be your hype-man.

Bokuto is always willing to understand more about you and your religion, making sure to note things in his head for future references.

[sirthisisa-wendys]

Investigations (Part 3): Ran Haitani x Fem!Reader

synopsis: when things are uncovered, can you handle the truth? Or are you doomed to make a mistake you can't rectify?

wc: 2.1k

tw: violence

masterlist

song recommendation:

Ran's past was a lie.

When you met him at the country club five years ago, your pasts had been explained in hushed tones and excited flurries of memories; sharing photos of the time before he was an executive of the communications company he worked in and the time before you were a journalist.

Ran said he had gone to jail twice, both for crimes he had been an accessory to as a delinquent kid, but that he'd cleaned up his act after and made his way up the corporate ladder. Nothing about gangs or being a Heavenly King in Tenjiku made it past his lips.

You had been honest, too. Your tales included the time you'd accidentally happened upon a massive gang fight, and that's how your investigative journalism skills began to bloom.

Who was fighting?

What were they going to do after?

Where did these gangs come from?

When did this argument start?

Why were they fighting?

How did gangs form in the first place?

Those were all the questions you sought out answers for that night and the next five years after, devoting your time and effort to finding the truth about everything.

"Babe?" You freeze, hands hovering over the keys at the sound of Ran's voice. You don't turn around - you can't even look at him the same these days - but he fixes that by walking over to you and turning you around in your chair. "What are you doing up so late?"

"Just doing some writing." His violet eyes search yours for the truth, but you know he won't be able to find it. Not while you're still trying to unravel his past. Ran kisses your eyelids sweetly, cupping your face in his large palms and littering his love across your face as you try your best to remain still and not confess about your research.

"Come to bed. It's late."

"I've got a few more paragraphs," you explain, motioning to the small print on your screen. "I'll be in bed soon."

But your lie is discovered shortly thereafter. It's five a.m. when Ran returns, seeing you slumped against your desk, arms cushioning your head, laptop screen blank. Instinctively, Ran pulls you out of your seat - making your notebook fall to the ground - grunting softly as he scoops you up into his arms and cradles you against his chest.

You willingly allow your husband to carry you to bed, where your two-year-old is also nestled among the sheets and pillows, thumb tucked into his mouth. And for a moment, Ran appreciates the view, seeing the two people he loved the most - besides his younger brother - laying in the bed he paid for, in the house he built, in the city he owns.

But then he remembers the slight disarray you left your things in at the desk and returns, picking up your pencil and notebook before laying them beside the laptop. Then his eyes catch "Ran's past?" written in bold, red letters, along with the words: "Tenjiku" and "Tandai" also written in the web of other words surrounding his name. "South Terano" is also on that web.

He'd have to take care of that in the morning.

And for the first time in a long time, worry bubbles to the surface of his mind, and Ran rips the sheet of paper from your notebook, tossing it into the kitchen trashcan and considering his deed done. He concealed his past to protect his family. And he's concealing the present to achieve the same goal; all for the future to be revealed later. That's how everything should be.

Right? _____________________________________________________________

"Ran," you whisper, lips running across his knuckles. His fingers cup your jaw, and his own lips press against your forehead, violet eyes darkening slightly. "It's six am. Where are you going this early?"

"I have to go into the office for a little while," he murmurs, kissing your forehead again. "I'll be back around lunchtime." Thoughts of Tandai and Tenjiku flash into your mind for a moment, but you smile at him sleepily anyway, absolutely sure these things are part of his past and not in the present.

"We'll be waiting for you, my love."

Despite all of your best intentions, though, you can't help but be consumed by the idea of Ran out, fighting, stealing, maiming... You consider asking him about these things, these concerns, but you decide against it as you're helping Kai with his lunch. If he wanted to leave it in the past, there's a good reason for it. He would have told you if it would be a problem later. Right?

Ran wouldn't jeopardize your family, your home, your life for something so... juvenile.

Right?

The clatter of keys on the counter in the living room brings you back to the present, and you perk up, your two-year-old mimicking your expression.

"Daddy!" Kai slides down from his seat and runs to greet Ran, clutching his father's legs with all his little might.

"Hey, buddy," Ran laughs, stooping to pick up his son with excitement. "How are you doing?" As son and father have a very stimulating conversation about playtime, you watch them in wonder, observing the way Ran makes his child a priority, just like he makes you a priority. But your countenance falls as soon as you see the blood spot on the bottom of Ran's lavender suit jacket. You know its blood because of the way it dried - that's no ketchup stain.

You fake a smile anyway, giving Ran a kiss on the cheek and tugging his jacket off after he sits Kai back on the tile floor.

"Hard day?"

"Kind of," Ran mumbles, and you catch the sight of a long scratch down the side of his neck. "But I made it through." You hum, taking the pin-striped jacket to the laundry room and slinging it over the side of the washer. You'd need that later.

"Need to relax?" you wonder, and Ran grins at you mischievously.

"Maybe later, after bedtime?"

_____________________________________________________________

But "later" never came.

Instead, Ran and Kai fell asleep on the sofa, watching a kid's movie, and you retreated to the office, powering up your laptop and pulling your notebook closer.

You immediately notice something's wrong, as the notes you had before were missing. Everything is gone. Not even a word of all the research you had done was there. Hadn't you written meticulous notes and names and things about Ran's past that could be interconnected? You break out in a sweat and search in every drawer of the desk, every place it could possibly be. You come up with nothing, and let out a frustrated sigh before slumping down in your seat and pulling up the computer history from yesterday. If you had to rewrite every single thing, that's fine. You'd just need more time to gather your evidence for the meeting on Saturday.

You're knee-deep in articles and police reports when you stumble across a more recent - actually as recent as this morning - article titled: "Ex-gangster found dead in meat factory". The picture of South Terano startles you, and you click on it, feeling a sense of dread as the article details how he was found hanging upside-down in the warehouse with a bullet hole in his head. And just like that, your newest lead has fizzled out. You groan, writing down "South Terano, deceased" on your notepad, then exiting the tab.

There had to be someone else you could ask. Shuji Hanma only provided you with Ran and Rindou's names, no one else.

"What's this?"

The door to the office shuts softly, and you look over your shoulder at Ran, who is walking toward you with measured steps, his eyes taking in your exhausted expression and the way you're hunched over that notepad. Again.

"What are you doing? You look tired, babe. Let's go to bed, yeah?"

Suddenly, pieces begin to click as Ran leans his hip against the desk, staring down at you in the chair with squinted violet eyes. "You threw away my notes... Didn't you?"

"What are you doing in my business, y/n?"

"Why didn't you tell me that you were in two gangs?" you counter, fingers shaking slightly. "Ran, this is something I needed to know before--"

"You wouldn't have married me if I told you." Ran's tone is cold, almost as if he's turned into the past version of himself without batting an eye.

"You don't know that." Ran leans forward, coming to eye level with you a smirking.

"I know you. And that's all I need." Ran reaches out a hand to close the laptop, still smiling and maintaining eye contact. "Now here's what you're going to do. First, you're going to stop digging into my past. There's nothing there that you need to find. Second, you're going to come to bed. It's late, you're tired. Finally," Ran cups your chin like he did this morning, except his fingers aren't so tender this time. "You're going to cut off contact with both Shuji Hanma and Taiju Shiba. I'm not really fond of either of them, and I'm not a fan of having them tell my business to my wife."

"They were only doing it because I asked."

"Taiju, maybe. Shuji isn't so eager to fuck you. I doubt he did it out of the kindness of his heart." You can't say anything to refute his claims. Ran is probably right. But you can't get one question out of your mind.

"Why are you trying to hide your past? What's there that I won't like?"

"What isn't there is the real question."

"What can you tell me about the gang that's just surfaced in Tokyo?" Ran's face slackens, transforming into a half-surprised, half-blank look that you realize is one that means he's been caught. "Oh, my fucking god," you breathe, tears stinging your eyes. "South, the fish, the murders, the crime... It's you. It's been you this whole time. I've been chasing my own husband down." Panic begins to set in, and your mind whirls around as you shake in your seat, bringing your hands up to your head. "Just tell me Rindou isn't in this," you breathe, but Ran doesn't answer you, still wearing that dumb look on his face. You let out a cry of shock, covering your mouth and trying to back away from Ran as much as you can.

The source is a lot closer than you think.

You slide down the wall, shocked into stillness as your sobs quiet, and Ran straightens up, placing his hands in his sweatpant pockets. The long nights, the early mornings, the bloodstains, the damn suits... It all led to this. Ran had never really left his old lifestyle behind. He'd gotten caught up in it, and brought you and Kai into it unknowingly.

"I never meant for it to get this... unhinged." You can't reply, tucking your knees into your chest as you stare past Ran and at the opposite wall, wondering how you'd missed the signs, the obvious signs that Ran was up to no good. "I know this is a lot to take in, but we can--"

"I can't stay here."

The words fall from your mouth and Ran flinches, shaking his head.

"No. You can't leave."

"Yes, I can," you mumble, standing and wiping your tears. "I can do whatever I need to do to keep Kai safe, and--"

"Kai is safer here than out there," Ran snaps, pointing at the window. "I'm not letting my son out of my sight. Your snooping has caused enough trouble as it is; I wouldn't have had to go and clean up this morning if you hadn't--"

"Don't blame this on me," you retort, pointing at Ran accusatorially. "You're the one who joined a gang and is still in one! What kind of role model are you for our son now?"

"I provide the best way I can," Ran grits out, clenching his fists. "You've never gone hungry, cold, or ill-clothed a day in your life while you were with me."

"I would rather die than enjoy a life paid for with blood money."

"Blood money? You really think--" You try to push past Ran, but he grabs your shoulders, yanking you back in front of him. "You're not going anywhere except to our bed."

"Let me go, Ran Haitani," you mutter, hands balling up into little fists. "Or I'll scream."

"Who will hear you? Kai?"

How had you been so foolish? Ran's lips press together momentarily as his violet eyes run over your figure, taking stock of all your five-foot-six stature. You're no match for Ran. Not mentally, and certainly not physically. Ran notices your defeat and his hands slide down to your wrists, tugging your delicate hands up to his chest.

"Everything will be fine," he whispers, drawing you close. "I'm taking care of us. Just trust me."

Just trust me.