#and like. i get that. i relate to that so hard.
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in these trying times, i NEED to know your thoughts on vibrating arm sevika.
OkAYYYY i have decompressed and bitched with the council (the ladies i work with) and the queen (my mother) and made some donations and read mars' fic and my edible is kicking in! let's write!!
men and minors dni
i think she's too shy to go to a mechanic at first-- how awkward would that be "hi i wanna make my arm into a vibrator???" what is she supposed to say!?!?
so after a few of her own attempts to modify her arm herself (and a few accidental electrocutions) she finally gives up and approaches singed for help
she's drunk as hell when she does it in anticipation of the horribly awkward conversation-- but when she gets there she realizes that singed is the last person she should be worried about.
he doesn't ask a single question.
like, he's surprisingly compliant, pulling out a screwdriver before sevika can even slur out the full question.
(sevika doesn't know this-- but singed had been itching to get into sevika's arm, having realized he'd done some wiring wrong in the initial design and unwilling to admit his mistake.)
i think it's something she can do in one or two fingers, but probably not her whole arm.
i also think she gets this feature soley for herself, at first. like, years before she even meets you.
i think sevika's a lady on the go, and when she doesn't have time to stop by babette's the wants an easy way to blow off some steam fast.
and it works fast. singed installed a fucking jackhammer of a motor to her hand (having assumed she genuinely wanted a vibrating feature for something mechanical or work related) and all it takes is her fingers pressed against her crotch (clothed, usually-- she's in a rush!) for a minute and a half and she's cumming so hard she has to bite her fist to stay quiet.
when she introduces this feature to you, you obviously beg for a demonstration.
obviously.
it's about the hottest thing in the world to watch sevika fall apart underneath you, fully clothed, her fingers buzzing against her cunt as she whimpers and moans.
you end up pinning her wrist to her cunt, insisting she keep going-- shoving your tongue down her throat when she starts to scream in pleasure.
she cums four times before she finally flips you and gives you a taste of your own medicine.
#if there are typos i apologize my keyboard has been mysteriously sticky this evening ladfj;lasdjf#sevika#sevika arcane#sevika imagine#sevika x reader#sevika x you#soft sevika#sevika smut
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Also, like... I get that there is a lot of anxiety about being seen as morally good & fighting for everyone at every turn, but! Crucially, the people who try to guilt trip you or judge you off your Tumblr presence don't fucking know you. They don't know what you do off Tumblr. They may not know any other social media that you DO use for your politics and heavy posting. And, tbh, at a certain level of offline activism & direct action, it is actively dangerous for you to be posting about what you do online, so a perceived lack of interest or dedication online does not necessarily translate to the efforts you put in to causes you care about.
Fact of the matter is, YOU are the only one who knows what you get up to. If it's not as much as you think you should be doing, that's for you to assess and change. If you feel like you're doing enough, or if you feel like taking on more responsibility in activism would overwhelm you or burn you out, that's okay! You know your limits better than anyone else. You get to set your priorities. And if you really want to help with social justice causes, you HAVE to take care of yourself. Anger, fear, and guilt are not sustainable motivations to drive a movement. You NEED places to relax and have fun and not think about how bleak things can get. You NEED to have places to retreat, enjoy yourself, and remind yourself that it's all worth fighting for.
I know this, because I'm in my 30s now. When I was in my early 20s, I was friends with a lot of folks who went hard during the Ferguson protests, and while many of them are still active in their activism, almost none of them are operating on the same level as they used to. All of them are burnt out & depressed. I spend a lot of my energy urging them to take care of their most basic needs. We also have a problem with a lot of older activists being too broken & traumatized to continue organizing. And part of the problem is people within the movement encouraging people to push past their limits until they have nothing left to give. Or just having no support systems in place to help people recover while actively judging people who need them & can't continue without them.
And, like, it's hard, because it's easy to start feeling like no one cares about the stuff you care about when you're out there trying to make change -- especially true if all your activism is online posting & raising awareness. It can feel like you're talking to a void or a brick wall. The idea that you are so stressed & strung out & never let yourself take a break from the harsh reality of the world while there are people who have the audacity to make time to enjoy their lives and put their efforts into other activities that aren't directly related to The Cause -- well, that's why a lot of people resort to guilt trips. I know I did, too, when I was younger and freshly angry. And I know that those guilt trips did nothing to convince anyone of anything. In fact, it was the constant guilt trips that made me retreat from those online groups. Where they might have had any and all skills I could offer, they instead made me feel like shit for doing what I could handle at the time. And even though I knew guilt tripping was a major manipulation & abuse tactic, I still resorted to it and, in doing so, I felt wrong. Like I betrayed some of my core values by trying to make people feel so bad that they would suddenly realize that they should be ashamed & join the movement headfirst. It just... doesn't work that way. A guilt trip will turn people off. If you want people to join a movement or be more active in a movement they are already part of, it is so much better to encourage them to come with you to organized events or give them something tangible to do that they can actually accomplish. And if you're just talking about posting online, well... that is not the most important thing to focus on, and is a really bad measure to judge someone's morality.
All that to say, a guilt trip is usually a manifestation of the desperation folks are feeling. It's not right to guilt trip folks, and if you're at that point that you feel like that's the only thing that will get people to change and care, then I'm sorry to say you are probably on the verge of your own burnout and you need to take a break. Please don't let people make you feel bad for not being angry or on your activism shit 24/7. And don't judge yourself harshly when you need to have boundaries online. The best tactic will always be community building and working with people & their various skills on their level. Compassion and encouragement go so much farther than guilt.
No matter what a post on tumblr tries to tell you, your moral and ethical stances will never be determined by what you reblog and what you scroll past. Don’t let manipulation tactics force you into doing anything you don’t want to do.
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YOUR NEXT LEVEL UP 💵 . ݁₊ ⊹ ( posted by siyotani )
BACK TO BROWSING ⭑ EXCLUSIVE CONTENT
a reading based on the guide towards your self improvement and everything you need to know regarding your next level up. content and media posted is for entertainment purposes only.
. . . ⭑ COLUMN ONE for this pile, i’m sensing quite a bit of stagnation and delays in regards to your current state. it’s almost as if you’re in a trance or in autopilot mode. there’s a lot of reluctance to move forward and it could be because you have a chronic fear of failure. you don’t want to work tirelessly day and night just to never be able achieve your goals or for it to never amount to anything. you wanna be somebody and to chase after your highest aspirations because you’re really a dreamer at heart, but somewhere along the way, you’ve grown intimated by the exertion it would take to get there. you put far too much pressure on yourself and because of this, it’s like you wish you could take shortcuts and jump to the finish line. but hon, rome wasn’t built in a day. it took blood, sweat and tears to build that empire and it’ll take the same amount of effort and will power to make your dreams come true. i know it’s not always pleasant to hear, but there is no substitute for hard work.
for your next level up, you will need to stay focused and diligent to achieve your goals. i see you becoming motivated to do better for yourself in the future as well as strengthening your mind and spirit in order to persevere through any obstacles that may come your way as you rise to the top. you will be finishing some sort of strenuous project that you’ve been putting off for quite some time now. for example, you may have been working towards some sort physical fitness goal or perhaps, doing something related to school or your job. no matter what your aim is, know that you will see the fruits of your labor.
you will be somebody and you will make it — you just need to believe it. do not allow yourself to be discouraged by the bitter comments of others and do not allow their words to tear you shreds because once you learn to stick to your guns and prioritize yourself, you will shine brighter than they could have ever imagined. and be generous with yourself, hon. give yourself the space to make mistakes and to learn from them. taste every sweet opportunity God has to offer to you and take your time transforming into the best version of yourself. life isn’t a race and there is no winner. as long as you dedicate yourself to working towards your own happiness, success is guaranteed.
. . . ⭑ COLUMN TWO this pile has a similar feel to the first group, but there’s more of a burnt out undertone to your reading. your energy is very scattered and chaotic from trying to balance too many things on your plate to the point where i feel like you’re being distracted from your own feelings and your true purpose. there is so much more to life than running errands, working and the anxiety that fills your every atom. your existence is meant to be riddled with joy and laughter as you live every moment without a care in the world. what you desperately need right now is to relax. you can’t be there for everyone and for everything.
your next level up requires structure. there’s an emphasis on prioritizing yourself. clean up any clutter whether it be literal or figuratively and take in a deep breath. then, do the things that you enjoy doing. bake a pie, soak in a warm bath, polish your nails and really reconnect with yourself on a physical, mental and spiritual level. self care is the first step towards your new beginning. there needs to be a certain level of serenity and confidence too.
i’m sensing that you may be a real worry wart. you dwell too much on the past and the future. when you’re not beating yourself up about what you could’ve done differently with your life, you torture yourself with negative thoughts and “ what ifs “. it’s like you have a constant headache and you never feel like you’re going to be good enough. but, i’m here to tell you that you are more than worthy. you’re gonna get it together, thrive and receive every blessing that you could ever hope for. all that you need to do is take a little more time out for yourself. personal management is very important and it’s not rocket science to know that some mindfulness can go a long way too. once you apply these things to your routine, it’s like suddenly you will see certain situations through a whole new perspective. the tasks that stressed you out before will be like a piece of cake and everything will seem to just fall into place. always remember to put yourself first, hon. don’t wear yourself out trying to please others either. you are all you got, so take care of your mind, body and spirit — you’ll glow up overnight !
. . . ⭑ COLUMN THREE wow, it seems like lots of change is in store for this pile. i get the sense that this has been a long time coming because you have struggled tremendously with the cards dealt to you throughout the duration of your life. shitty relationships, financial troubles, and general confusion about your direction and purpose may be all of the things that have plagued your mind and spirit relentlessly. i also feel that you may be no stranger to self sabotage — turning to bad habits and behaviors in attempt to soothe yourself. it’s really okay though. your sorrowful pain and heartache have not been all for naught and they have built a true strength from within that will be essential for rebirth.
for your next level up, your resilience will finally pay off. it’s like you’ve been outrunning so many things for so long that you’ve lost sight of the finish line, but what you aren’t aware of is that it’s a mere few feet in front of you. victory is already yours, hon, just a little more vigor and push is required. i know it’s cliche, but don’t give up now. the world is in need of more people like you; people who take their biggest weakness and transforms it into excellency.
not everyone could have handled the bad experiences you have lived through. they would have been crushed by the extreme pressure and the aftermath that comes with it which is why you need to stand up, recognize the pure badass that you are and start spinning your straw into gold. you have what it takes to achieve whatever your heart desires because it’s already yours, so tune out anyone who tells you different. at the end of the day, the people who try to tear you down are hateful and intimidated by the intensity of your power. just continue to make good decisions for yourself and the rest will follow.
#tarot card reading#pick a card#pick a pile#tarot pac#tarot reading#tarot cards#tarotcommunity#pac#tarot
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Reminder to anyone who reads/writes fanfiction: buy a hard drive/flash drive/whatever you can get your hands on and download as much fanfiction as you can.
Once tr*mp hits office, one of the first things related to project 2025 is the banning of porn and all sexually explicit material. This can and will include fanfiction off of here, AO3, Wattpad, etc.
If they’re small one shots, print them off so that you have physical copies. If they’re too big to print, either do it in multiple sittings or download onto a flash drive. Downloading to your files is no longer a good option. You need something physical that is separate from your main device.
I hate that this is what we’ve come to, but we’re literally doing this prohibition style.
As a side note, make sure that if you’re reading any books involving queer content, that will most likely be counted as sexually explicit once these laws go into effect. Start stock piling on any books you’ve been planning to buy. There are several lists of books that will be banned, so go look at those if you need any ideas.
Edit: thank you @theladyoffangorn for letting me know to include this! AO3 will be very low on the list of things targeted by these new laws! The biggest issue for fanfic readers is that more authors will be deleting, orphaning, or putting their works on private. Make sure to check out the AO3 subreddit if you need any help with downloading fics. Remember, laws like these take time, so this will not happen right away. You have time to get your bearings, so please do not panic like I did while writing this.
Also, I understand this post is very frenzied and rushed, and I do apologize. Like I said, please do not read this and immediately start panicking. My intention is only to help, not cause more distress. If anyone needs to talk, I’m always available and online!
#fanfiction#fan fiction#fanfic#fanfic writing#ao3#archive of our own#wattpad#quotev#project 2025#election 2024#us elections#presidential election#election#fuck trump
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In Another Life- PAC
PILE 1 PILE 2 PILE 3
This reading is allegedly for entertainment purposes only. I am not responsible for any choices made in accordance to my readings!
TW: MENTIONS OF DEATH, G@MBLING AND G@NG AFFILIATON READ AT YOUR OWN RISK YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!
This reading is to find out who your past life lover was
PILE 1
Your past life lover was someone very in control, they had a desire to always protect and be the one to bear all the burdens regardless of if they were male or female. This person felt like home to you they may be coming back as your lover again in this past life there is a soul tie between you both. Anyways, they have a lot of inner strength nothing really tore them down they constantly thrived to be better and honestly most of the time things never worked out for them but they never gave up they kept going, they were always so confident and held themselves with high regard no one could point anything out that could be remotely awful about your person, they were quite likable and attractive and was always the leader never the follower. In this lifetime they are bound to continue striving to be the leader and keep doing the best they can while also balancing being human as in letting themselves feel their emotions instead of living life like they are a robot.
For some of you it could be in the 1800's, In this lifetime they are born in the 90's or you were born in the 90's but 90's holds significance. England, Paris, Germany specifically Berlin, Japan, Switzerland
PILE 2
Your past life lover was very resourceful they could always turn a situation good or bad in their favour. they are quite smart and cunning, they were the type to run circles around you without you realising until the very end that they tricked you. Because of their ability to be able to talk themselves out of a situation they felt like they didn't need to work for anything. They could just trick anyone into doing whatever. They could have used any means necessary to get their way like their appearance and words which honestly may have led to a lot of issues for them down the line especially financially because eventually people caught up to what they were doing and in a way they were shunned and they needed to find a way to turn things around and change and I don't think they managed to do that in that last lifetime so in this new lifetime they will have to learn to be more humble and hard working instead of using deception to get their way. For some of you there is a chance that you will be with them again this lifetime but for the majority it's very unlikely.
(Bonnie and Clyde as well as Elvis Presly could point to just time eras not that they were affiliated with them but who knows maybe they could have)
England, early to mid 1900's, Elvis Presley, Bonnie and Clyde, France, Germany, World War 1, Cambridge, G@mbling, g@ng affiliation.
PILE 3
Your past life lover was constantly burdened by one thing or another mostly relating to not having enough money to do something else. Your past life lover may have been a sailor or fisherman and passed away quite young. Whatever they tried to do to make ends meet never seemed to work for them it was just loss after loss. They worked so hard with absolutely nothing to show for it after all that hard work and it was such a frustrating situation for everyone involved because they were always plagued by poverty and never having enough. At the end of the day when all that hard work was over their only source of happiness or peace was YOU. Things never seemed as awful with you around. Things did eventually get better, but it was a long and treacherous battle to getting to that stability and unfortunately, they didn't live long enough to enjoy it. They were plagued by illness at a young age and passed. Unfortunately, in this lifetime I don't see them being your future spouse.
Ancient Greece, Egypt and Rome, Papyrus, boats, tan skin, white, gold
#tarot deck#tarot reading#free tarot reading#tarot#tarotcommunity#tarot cards#tarot blog#tarotblr#tarot witch#divination#tarot community#paganblr#paganism#pagan witch#hellenic pagan#witchcraft#pagan#witchblr#astrologyblr#astrology#astro community#astro observations#astrology readings#astro notes#astroblr#spirituality#spiritualgrowth#spiritual awakening#spiritual healing#spiritual
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"Now...what happened to Kang? Is he alright?" Mothra asked them both. Taz blinks before looking down, "He's trying to fight off whatever is controlling him."
"I see. I found we can find the source of this glitch that making my friends not be themselves..." Mothra said. "The owner has been trying to get to the bottom of this but they said this is beyond technical difficulties. I assume...there must be something at hand." Kazuma became silent.
"Hmm..I s..see.." Mothra was worried hearing that.
"We think....it's related to someone who caused all this." Taz stated. Mothra cocks her head, "A person?"
"That's right."
"I see. I'm trying to contact your friends. Zilla has told me that he gave one of your friends named Miko, Daichi or Megumi his Zilla watch." Mothra stated. "I'm trying to contact them but it's static. I am also trying to contact your other friends, Yuria, Nobara and Hana but something is blocking my connection to them." Said Mothra.
"I know that they're under the ground where the utilities are held, mostly likely the Techinicans' Bay," Mothra stated.
"That's true. We tried contacting them before but we don't know they could be on the move again or still under the building in Techinicans' bay like you said." Yuji said.
"I'm sure they are. Not many go down there because it's a older part of this pizzaplex. But who would have thought someone would go to do this.." she mutters worried now.
"So something must be blocking the signals throughout the area and the whole pizza plex. That's not good. Because of that, it's going to be hard to talk through the watches that was given to some of them." Mothra looks concerned but looks to them.
"Wait, you think someone might be jamming them or using something?" Mothra asked.
"It's possible. We can try contacting the others again but I'm unsure if they will respond this time but I'm hoping they will again. The three girls, or even Megumi and Daichi.." Yuji said.
"And what if they don't? What if something bad happened to them given they are being chased by animatronics." Kazuma looks nervous but he didn't trust them or Mothra. "Besides, how do we know your not infected with that glitch even with that anti-virus software?"
"I assure you I'm not. If I did I would have fallen to it by now..but it's been keeping me safe all this time..."
Yuji sighed happy but saw Biollante not taking it hard for Taz having to cut one of the vines. AT least she was forgiving which was nice. He was happy things turned out okay.
"Friends!"
Yuji and Kazuma blinks looking but he smiled as Kazuma tense seeing the bug. Even with her apperance it still was disturbing to see. But he'll keep it quiet even so.
"You're alright! It seems Biollnate is fine as well! Are you three okay?" She asked with a twitch of her antennas.
"Yeah, we are alright Mothra. A little scare but we are good." Yuji said.
"That's good to hear. How about you-"
"Yeah. I'm fine." Kazuma said straight and quick looking away from Mothra.
#IC#rp reply#short rp thread#silver roses#halloween mission start#fnaf inspired rp#jujutsu kaisen au#yuji itadori#the cursed vessel/jujutsu sorcerer of the damned#megumi fushiguro#shadow jutusu sorcerer/chimera snake#chunibyo-x-sorcerer
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— BLESSED (II)
PART ONE
PAIRING — Sauron x fem!half-Elf!Reader
SUMMARY — You find out your husband's true identity when Eregion is under attack. It is hard to tell which one is worse – the betrayal that you feel or witnessing how influenced by his evil your daughter already is.
AUTHOR’S NOTE — I said there would be a second part, so here it is. But as usual, I could not stop writing and... there will be a third part, too! 🤣 Basically, in this part, Sauron is walking inside the rooms rapidly nearly all the time, which is something I realised later while re-reading the fic but I couldn't edit it since it made sense for the plot (and he was doing that a lot in canon, too).
WARNINGS — Reader's father is dead (he was human, so she outlived him), manipulating, gaslighting, lowkey toxic and abusive marriage between the Reader and Annatar Sauron, he gets angry at his daughter once or twice but he is not violent towards her (should not trigger anyone but I wanted to mention it just in case) + he is manipulating his daughter a lot, Celebrimbor has gone mad-mad, Reader being put to sleep against her will, trigger warnings from S02E07 (Sauron murdering the guards etc.)
WORD COUNT — 5,240
ENGLISH IS MY SECOND LANGUAGE.
BLESSED (II)
You were sitting inside your chambers in the evening all alone and embroidering for your daughter. Your only company was a slowly burning candle as you focused on the beautiful gemstones that were appearing thanks to your needle. Almárea had always been interested in the craft of smithery and it was no surprise. Her grandfather had been an excellent smith and so was her father. Uncle Celebrimbor perhaps was not related to her but she had been growing up around him. And, recently, her new favourite thing to do was to spend time with him in the forge, learning everything she could about the craft. She was there at the moment, too.
And where Annatar was, you had no idea. Most likely with them or helping to run the city. Ever since Celebrimbor’s health had been getting worse, your husband was helping you with the administration matters around Eregion, for which you were the most grateful. He did not wish you to overwork yourself.
You heard a booming sound from the distance, which startled you slightly. However, you gave it no second thought. But when the sound began to repeat itself, you stood up and approached the window worryingly. Your heart skipped a beat at the sight of the fire burning in the distance and you spotted a cannonball coming closer and closer to Eregion.
You could see it all in slow-motion how it hit one of the towers of your city. You let out a scream and covered your mouth with a trembling hand. The very foundations of the tower you were in shook and made you hurry for the doors, desperate to find the ones you loved the most.
But before you could reach them, they opened widely and Annatar stood in them. He was oddly calm but oh, of course he was – an emissary of The Valar would not be ever scared and his calmness would bring nothing but peace in the times of trouble.
“We are under attack,” he announced and you grabbed his sleeve to squeeze the fabric and pull on it, holding onto him like a child. “Stay here.”
“But… Almárea… She’s in the forge with Celebrimbor…” You sobbed and yelped at the sound of another cannonball hitting Eregion.
“Do not be afraid,” Annatar put his arm around you and walked you back to your chair where he was trying to sit you down but you refused.
“Almárea and uncle Celebrimbor… I must go for them…”
“I shall go,” Annatar assured you and finally managed to sit you down by the table. “My love, stay here.”
“Should we not evacuate?” You asked, looking up at him with glistening eyes. Whatever he would say, you would listen, do and follow. You trusted him with your whole life.
“When the right time comes. Until then, stay here, so I do not lose you in the crowd,” Annatar instructed and left your chambers.
You wiped your tears with a shaky hand and felt the ground under your feet shaking once more. A while after his departure, you realised that his request was deeply concerning. Staying inside this tower could mean death to you, after all. There was no guarantee that the next cannonball would not hit your tower.
You moved up once more and ran to the doors but they were locked, which made you furrow your brows. You kept pulling the handle but without any success. Even when you used all of your force, they did not move an inch.
The sounds of cannonballs and people screaming in terror were reaching your ears from afar as your anxiety grew. How could your husband ask you to stay inside in a moment like this – especially with your daughter being far away from you? Your heart could not rest until you were sure that Almárea was safe.
You hurried to the balcony and looked up at the tower next to yours. The fire inside the forge was still on, you noticed. But you kept waiting and waiting for your husband’s return and there was nobody coming.
You were circling around the room nervously, trying to think of a way out. Almárea was all you could think of – your sweet daughter, your purpose in life, your little blessing. You had to be with her, you had to protect her.
And as you nearly broke down in tears of helplessness, you felt another cannonball hitting nearby. The force of that hit was so strong that you fell over, feeling the floor underneath you tilting slightly. When you dared to open your eyes, fearing what you would witness, you realised that half of the tower you were locked inside was in ruins now. Including the wall in front of you, which allowed you to run out without using the locked doors.
You did not think of anything else, leaving all your properties behind as you gathered your skirts and managed to get to the corridor, coughing heavily from all the dust.
The staircase was wobbly and you knew each step could cause you to fall down but you were too determined to overthink that. Step by step, as fast as you could, you ran downstairs and hurried across the courtyard, bumping into other screaming and terrified people, until you reached the doors to Celebrimbor’s forge.
What you witnessed, shocked you dearly. Because despite the siege around you, you spotted your uncle and daughter working on some design cheerfully.
“Almárea!” You called out for her, making them both turn around with widened eyes. “Uncle! What are you doing?!” You hurried to their side and put your arms around your daughter protectively. “Can’t you see and hear what is happening outside?! We must leave, this very moment!”
“What are you talking about, child?” Celebrimbor chuckled at you as if you were the crazy one. His eyes were full of joy but you also spotted a haze in them, a deep fog as if he had lost his mind. Your heart ached for him because his state had been worsening for weeks now.
“Uncle… Please, we must go,” you reached out to hold his wrists but he winced and pushed you away.
“No! I must not stop my work. What are you talking about, (Y/N)? Look at the state of you, you look like a slattern,” he pointed out and his words hurt you deeply. Of course you looked like a slattern. There was a siege happening and you crawled yourself out of the tower’s ruins to get here. “Almárea, your mother must be feverish,” he addressed your daughter.
“Almárea, my darling, we have to go and we have to take uncle with us,” you tried to explain it to her in the simplest way but she took a step back from you as she shook her head and the bow in her head bounced slightly.
“No. Daddy asked me to stay here and watch over uncle Celebrimbor,” she explained.
“Almárea, that is very noble but we are under attack,” you were trying to remain calm despite the noises reaching your ears from the outside. You knew that you had no time to argue. “Whatever your daddy asked you to do, it has no significance now.”
“But he has been here only recently,” she answered and you opened your mouth slightly, surprised. “He told me to keep up my work,” she added, proudly. “Uncle, go back to your craft. Mummy is sick indeed,” she addressed Celebrimbor and he nodded at her before giving you a dirty look and going back to his designs of the Rings.
“Almárea, it is not safe, we must leave. What are you doing to him?” You asked her, unsurely. You were scared to hear the answer as you crouched down to be on her level.
Your sweet, little daughter. Your blessing. Why was there so much malice in her eyes now?
The doors of the forge opened rapidly and you stood up at the sight of Annatar rushing inside. At first, you did not recognise him because his kind and loving face was twisted in anger as his soft eyes reminded you of nothing but black, empty abysses.
“What are you doing here?!” He barked at you. “I saw the cannonball hitting our tower, I rushed there and it was empty. Do you have any idea how worried I was?!” He raised his voice at you but you could not hear any concern in it – only fury.
You swallowed a lump in your throat and put your hands on Almárea’s shoulders.
“It is you who should explain yourself to me,” you tried to sound harshly but it was coming to you with great difficulty. After all, it was your husband, whom you loved and respected greatly. “Why is Almárea here and what is she doing to my uncle? You promised me you would come for them and we would evacuate together,” you pointed out.
“Not until the Rings are finished,” Annatar answered. “Almárea, are you keeping up the good work?” He addressed her softly.
“Yes, daddy,” she nodded her head with a grin and Annatar smiled before approaching Celebrimbor.
“How fares your progress?” He asked him.
“It would be better if your wife was not distracting me. She is feverish, you should take her back to your chambers and put her to bed. Call for a medic if you must,” Celebrimbor mumbled out.
“Is everyone going insane here?! We are under attack!” You exclaimed out of desperation.
“Almárea,” was all your husband said before she nodded and tilted her head
Suddenly, you felt dizzy. You let go of her arms and stumbled, grabbing the edge of Celebrimbor’s desk. You laid your free hand on your forehead and felt how hot the skin was.
“Oh, I… I… I do not feel well,” you whispered.
Annatar hurried to your side and slowly wrapped his arms around yours to help you move away.
“My gentle darling, you have a fever. You must have had a nightmare,” he told you sweetly. “I told you to stay in bed.”
“You… You did?” You asked but your mind was in a haze.
“Please, lay down,” Annatar helped you to get comfortable on a chaise longue in Celebrimbor’s study. He caressed your forehead and you could hear him walk away since your vision was too blurry to see anything. “Almárea, your mummy needs to rest,” you heard him whisper before your eyelids got too heavy to keep them open and you drifted off to the land of dreams.
You had no idea for how long you had been sleeping. Could be hours and could be days. When you opened your eyes again, you realised with terror that the forge was a mere shadow of its own glory. It was in ruins now and everything was dull, grey and full of dust. You stood up rapidly with your heart pounding inside your chest from the anxiety – Almárea and her safety were all you could think of.
And there she was, sitting boredly on top of Celebrimbor’s desk. They both had clothes and faces dirty from the ashes but he kept working cheerfully as your daughter was looking down at him and swinging her legs.
“Oh, mummy,” she smiled at the sight of you. “I am glad you woke up. I am so bored here and daddy keeps saying I must go on until uncle’s work is finished,” she sighed and jumped down onto the floor.
“What… What are you doing? What are you doing exactly?” You asked her, carefully. Your head was still heavy from the sleep induced upon you and your memories of what had happened were foggy.
“Daddy says uncle Celebrimbor must finish the Rings for men but he would be scared of what is going on outside, so while daddy helps to run Eregion, I am here, making sure uncle Celebrimbor has no idea about anything,” she revealed and you gasped.
At that moment, the doors opened and Annatar walked inside. His skin and robes were not dirty at all as if he was above the siege. For the first time in your life, you were scared at the sight of him as you swallowed thickly, so deeply confused.
“The Rings. Are they finished?” He asked and closed the doors behind him. Then, he spotted you being awake and turned around slowly with a puzzled expression. “Almárea, why is your mother awake?”
“I was bored, daddy,” Almárea whined and you watched Annatar’s face muscles twitching as he clenched his jaw and gave your daughter a look so scolding that she approached you to seek safety.
“She is only a child, what do you expect?” You asked him. “You have burdened her with a task that is too heavy for her. It would be too heavy for anyone. The measures you are taking to finish the creation are unholy,” you took a deep breath in and moved a little closer to your uncle with Almárea still clinging to you. You were trying to shield poor Celebrimbor from your husband. “Make it stop. Let us flee.”
Celebrimbor looked up at you, his eyes so full of fog and mist that it made you shed a tear of compassion as he smiled adoringly at you with nothing but pure joy. He had completely lost his mind now.
“No emissary of The Valar would do this,” you turned your face around to lay your eyes on your husband again as more tears streamed down your cheeks. He looked both – hurt to be accused and angry to be caught at the same time. The most confusing reaction you could expect. “My husband would not do this,” you added, nearly inaudibly.
At that, he snorted. And you only sobbed some more.
“Free my uncle’s mind, I beg of you,” you shook your head.
“He is not under my control,” Annatar smirked and looked down to meet your daughter’s gaze. He nodded and she squeezed her eyes tightly as she focused on something. When her eyes opened again, you looked back at your uncle but he remained working. “Her powers are too strong. He might be forever broken now,” Annatar pointed out with a glimpse of… pride. “Come to me, my child,” he opened his arms and Almárea tried to move but you tightened your grip around her.
“No. You will not go near that man ever again,” you said to her, harshly. Each word caused a pain, like a knife cutting your heart into pieces.
You loved Annatar but you had to protect your daughter from him because the man in front of you was… Was simply not the man you had married. Perhaps the burden of the Valar was too heavy for him. The task they had given to him had driven him and your uncle to madness.
Perhaps it was all your fault – by choosing to stay with you as your husband, he had to choose this form and stay in it, losing some of his godly powers. And his new flesh was simply too weak to handle all the power he had been blessed with by the gods.
His empty eyes glanced at you with so much hatred and fury that you felt smaller than a mouse at the moment.
“I am her father,” he reminded you, coldly. “Almárea, come here,” he ordered.
And you were simply too weak to fight it. Your limbs rebelled against your will as you felt your daughter leaving your grasp and running up to her father. You could only watch as your whole life was crumbling down just like Eregion around it.
“You are her father. But you are not my husband,” you said. “Who are you… truly?”
“I am the one keeping the storm at bay,” he answered, putting his hands on Almárea’s shoulders as she kept looking up at him with admiration. “Balancing the very sun above your head. All to heal Middle-earth and give your weak and pathetic uncle one chance to prove his worth. I want the Nine!” He yelled, making you flinch.
Celebrimbor did not, however. He only looked up at the mention of his name and smiled kindly at the monster you had to call your husband.
“I am working, my friend,” he assured him before going back to work.
You moved slightly to cover him from Annatar’s stare. But you were not sure if Annatar was truly his name.
To heal Middle-earth. You knew that story. You knew who had been the man with such a dream. Annatar had been mentioning it before but never in this way. But now it all made sense. It all made a terrible sense and you had been nothing but a blind fool. It should had alarmed you the very first time Annatar had used this phrase. But the tone of his voice had been sweet then; concerned. Now, he had revealed his true intentions.
“You are He,” you realised out loud with a trembling voice. In fact, your whole body was trembling. The waves of aftershocks coming over your body after finding out such a dreadful thing about the person with whom you had shared your chambers, your bed, your body, your heart and your soul… Your bloodline. “You are Sauron,” the name rolled off of your tongue like something filthy and dirty – the most disgusting. The Abhorred.
All those I love yous you had whispered to him, all those nights you had spent on whimpering his name lost in pleasure, all those breakfasts you had served him, all those hours spent on brushing his hair with your fingers and peppering his face with tiny kisses. All this time you had been doing nothing but pampering the monster. And all this time you had been living in an illusion – not much better than the one your uncle was living in at the moment.
“I have many names,” Annatar smirked at your question as if it was bringing him satisfaction that his silly and naive wife had finally realised the dreadful truth.
“But you are my daddy,” Almárea tugged on his robe, waiting for confirmation.
“For all eternity, my darling one,” he caressed her hair lovingly and an empty hole in your chest grew and grew as it began to sink into your heart.
You had married Annatar but you had a child with Sauron.
You were sitting on the floor, with your back pressed to the wall and your knees brought all the way up to be able to rest your head on them. You had no chains but you did not have to. Annatar – or rather Sauron – knew very well that you would not leave Celebrimbor’s forge as long as Almárea was inside.
So, you just kept sitting there and staring at her as she was standing above your uncle and watching carefully as he crafted the Rings. She was studying him and you smiled sadly at that because under different circumstances it would be lovely to watch her learning from Celebrimbor.
His mind was far too gone to know anything happening around him. The only thing he could focus on was forging the Rings as you kept overthinking your whole marriage.
All those little things you had been ignoring about Annatar until now – all those excuses you had been making up for him. Gods, you were such a fool. And you loved your daughter more than anything but you could not help a feeling that your womb had borne a seed of Middle-earth’s demise.
Why had Annatar chosen you? Now it all made sense – you were the most useful in his schemes. You were close to the man he had wanted wrapped around his finger. And you were half-human, which could push Celebrimbor into agreeing to craft such powerful items even for the kin considered to be weak and unworthy by many Elves.
You sobbed silently. Was it possible that this was the only kind of love you could ever count on? This twisted illusion, this mockery? You had been nothing but kind and gentle to him, giving him everything you had and more. And all you had ever wanted in return was to be loved back. To have a family.
“You are done now! Daddy will be so proud, uncle!” Almárea clapped her hands and it made you look up. She kissed Celebrimbor’s cheek and he smiled at her, watching her put the rings inside a pouch.
“Almárea,” you called out for her and she laid her eyes on you. “Give them to me,” you ordered.
“But daddy–” She started, unsurely.
“I just want to see,” you extended your hand and she walked up to you, hesitantly. She handed you the pouch and you grabbed it from her. “Mummy!” She whined.
“Undo what you have done to uncle Celebrimbor’s mind. Right now,” your voice was harsh but not too much because she was still your daughter and you could never hurt or abandon her even if the darkness was the path she would descend into.
She was still a child, though. And she was half you – there was the same amount of light inside of her as of darkness.
“I can only try,” Almárea told you and you nodded at her, encouragingly.
You held her hands to help her and she squeezed them, closing her eyes and tilting her head as she furrowed her brows, causing a small wrinkle to appear on her smooth forehead.
When she was done, you knew that it had thankfully worked. Because Celebrimbor yelped out of fear as you kissed the top of your daughter’s head and ran up to him immediately.
“Uncle… Uncle, calm down, please, shh, you are alright now,” you put your hands on his arms and his scared eyes found yours with relief.
“Oh, my darling (Y/N), I have been in such a haze… He… He made me…” Celebrimbor tried to find the right words.
“I know, I am so sorry…” You whispered, your voice full of pain and regret.
“No. It is me who is sorry, my sweet child. I have given you to him so easily, so freely,” he caressed your face with his trembling hands.
“And I am glad that you did,” you sobbed and he furrowed his brows. “And I cannot ever say that I regret it for he has given me my daughter,” you confessed.
“He might never get The Nine,” Celebrimbor changed the subject and you nodded, agreeing with him as you sniffed your tears back. You handed him the pouch with the Rings and glanced upon the doors.
“Go,” you pressed your forehead to his. “Take them away from him,” you whispered. “As far away as you can. Quick, we do not have much time. Use the opportunity that he still thinks you are under Almárea’s control.”
Your uncle nodded at you sadly. He kissed your forehead and squeezed the pouch inside his hand before looking at your daughter with a sigh. There was no hatred in his eyes but a glimpse of sadness, disappointment and fear mixed altogether.
You watched him leave and Almárea reached her hand out after him but you stopped her.
“Daddy will get angry,” she looked up at you, surprised to witness what you had just done.
“Believe me, it is for the better,” you told her and held her hand. “We must leave now, too.”
“No,” she stood still and shook her head. “Not without daddy.”
“Almárea, we must go. We must leave, far away from here. We must go to your grandmother in Mithlond,” you tried to lure her in by the mention of your mother.
But she had seen her once in her life and the meeting had been brief. They shared no bond, therefore Almárea was not easily convinced.
“Not without daddy,” she repeated.
“Almárea, I beg of you…” Your eyes filled with tears again. You knew Sauron would be back any moment to check on Celebrimbor’s progress and you did not want to be there when he would see that your uncle was gone with The Rings.
But what you did not want even more was to abandon your daughter.
So, you stayed with her and waited. You did not even know what you were waiting for – was it your death? Would he get rid of you now when you were not useful to him anymore and after you had betrayed him in such a way; convincing your daughter to release Celebrimbor from her control and letting him flee?
You would find out very soon because the doors of the forge opened and there he was, walking confidently inside with a smirk upon his face.
“Daddy, I am so sorry!” Almárea cried out immediately and ran up to him while you looked away, wincing from the ache you felt in your heart. Your eyes filled tears at her words. You only hoped he would not lash out at her. “I trusted mummy and she tricked me! She gave The Rings back to uncle Celebrimbor and let him go!” Almárea explained and cried.
Long silence occurred and even though you were not looking in their direction, you could feel the atmosphere changing in an instant. Thickening.
“Mummy is a twisted, treacherous little witch, so it seems,” Sauron drawled out and you turned your head around to lay your angry eyes upon him with tears streaming down your cheeks.
“How dare you!” You snapped. Who was he to call you twisted or treacherous? “I swore no loyalty to you, shadow of Morgoth!”
“Yes, you have!” He yelled at you and Almárea flinched, taking a step back. He walked past her to approach you angrily but you could not move away because there was a wall behind you. “You bound yourself to me on the day of our wedding!” Sauron pushed you, causing your back to hit the wall. “Where is he?! Where are The Rings?!”
“Daddy, we do not know!” Almárea ran up to you two and tugged on his robe. You avoided her gaze because you did not want her to see the fear and pain in your eyes. It would only scare her more. “Daddy, it is not mummy’s fault that she is weak. You told me that yourself!”
Sauron’s face was so close to yours that your noses nearly brushed against each other. His breath was heavy and hot, full of anger. You remained cold and still with tears streaming down your cheeks. And even though you did not recognise your husband and his eyes were dark and empty now, you dared to reach out to his cheeks gently. You cupped his face delicately, which caused his brows to furrow and his eyes to widen slightly out of surprise.
“Annatar,” you whispered softly. “Annatar, my love, come back to me. You bound yourself to me, too, dark spirit. Obey me. Release me,” you pleaded, desperately, feeling as if you were losing your sanity.
There was pure confusion on Sauron’s face at that moment. He took a step back, away from you and away from your hands but as they were falling down, you tried to extend them further and reach him once more.
“You are pathetic,” he pointed out, coldly. “I shall find those Rings sooner or later. The only thing you did was to slow me down but you will never stop me.”
“Let it be then… Whatever I can do, I shall,” you whispered.
He opened his mouth to say something but you were interrupted by a group of people walking inside the forge. It was Celebrimbor with a few guards. For one, foolish moment, you sighed with relief, expecting rescue.
He nodded at you softly to let you know that The Rings were safe and far away from your husband. You reached your hands out to grab Almárea and pull her closer to you. She let you and wrapped her arms around you to comfort you after her father’s anger.
“Where are The Rings?!” Sauron abandoned your side to walk down the stairs from Celebrimbor’s study into the ruins of the forge.
“Far from your reach by now,” your uncle answered.
“Then you are going to bring them to me and place them in my hand,” Sauron said, trying to remain calm.
“Your hand will never touch another Ring again,” Celebrimbor assured him.
You moved closer to the railing with Almárea still clinging to you, so you both could see better whatever was happening downstairs.
The Commander of the City Guard ordered the rest to arrest your husband. Almárea sobbed and hid her face in the fabric of your gown as you caressed her back, soothingly.
You watched the soldiers stand in a circle around Sauron and point their swords at him. You put your hand on the back of your daughter’s head, making sure to press her face a bit deeper into your gown to avoid her seeing any glimpse of the scene underneath you by accident.
“By order of the true Lord of Eregion, you, Sauron, are hereby–” the Commander began before freezing.
In fact, they all froze. They all froze and trembled, whimpering slightly because they had absolutely no idea what was happening to them.
“You think it was only you and your weak fosterling who put themselves in my power?” Sauron asked with contempt as he addressed your uncle.
He raised his hands slightly and all the soldiers surrounding him killed one another instead of him. You watched in terror as their blades cut through their bodies and then they fell down, lifeless, onto the ground.
Almárea sobbed and yelped, managing to get out of your grasp due to your moment of weakness.
“Daddy!” She cried out for him. She was scared that the sound she had heard was of their blades cutting through him.
But it was not. And you watched her run down the stairs and ignore the lifeless bodies, as if they meant nothing to her, only to cling to Sauron’s waist. He wrapped one of his hands around her to pull her closer as he raised an eyebrow at Celebrimbor in a challenging manner.
The Commander tried to approach your husband carefully, extending his sword.
“Do not hurt the child,” your uncle ordered but there was no need.
Sauron did what you had done a while earlier and pressed Almárea’s face deeper into his robe as she was clinging to him. And when there was a guarantee she could not see anything, he twisted the wrist of his free hand and the Commander froze before turning the blade around and killing himself with it.
Only when his body hit the floor, Sauron let go of your daughter and allowed her to move. She looked up at him as if she was waiting for an order or a task to be given.
“You shall take control over him again and tell me where The Nine are,” your husband said.
“Almárea, no!” You screamed from the top of the stairs. “Almárea, please!”
“Are you sleepy again, my love?” Sauron looked up to ask you with irony.
You chose to be silent. To be put to sleep for gods know how long, to lose control of your own body and to be unaware of your surroundings was not what you wanted to happen once again.
MASTERLIST
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Happy Wetnessday 💦
Let's play with your professor universe but put you in it.
You're the new chief of staff and so far you really like your new position but you can't help but notice that almost all professors are insanely handsome. At a staff party you get to know some of them better, which of the three flirts offer to get to know each other better in their office to you take follow there?
International relations professor Ari, who has been eye fucking you all night
Law professor Andy, who straight up told you he'd like to fill you and watch it drip from between your legs for the rest of the party
Criminal defense professor Lloyd, who told you he's not a one pump chump like the others here and would ruin you forever
So who do you follow? Or are you holding out for another professor?
xoxo Wetnessday anon 💦
Wetnessday Anon, my beloved naughty enabler! 💖😁 Hope November treats you well!
When you started this ask with let's play with professor I was instantly giddy 🤭 Let's play with him, let him play with us, yesss.
Picking Ari would be my usual way, especially with the recent fluffy Ari 2.0 look that Chris is showing. He's always a great choice, so flirty and seductive and irresistibly hot. You know that he'd get you all worked up just from the way he looks at you, how he says your name, how he licks the rim of his glass suggestively while holding your gaze.
Professor Lloyd would be a wild choice, but perhaps that's what you actually need? You're dealing with those stuffy professors on a daily basis, who have sticks so far up their asses and know clit only from a poster in biology class, but would sooner die than touch it. Lloyd is not one of them. He's incorrigible, playful and so crass, but damn it wets your panties.
But right in the middle of my period I'm horny for some strict, mean fucking and professor Andy gives me that vibe 🥵
He looks fluffy and charming, can act that easily, but when it comes to taking your body, he's a mean, merciless fucker. He told you he wants to bend you over his desk, fill you and watch it drip out of you.
Your brain ceased to function for a split of a second, no coherent words coming to the front to object.
When you finally opened your mouth, about to scold him for the inappropriate behavior, Andy put his finger to your lips.
"Save it," he reprimanded you, instead. "You may think it's best to play the part of a proper lady, but what you need is to be taken hard and filled like a cumhungry slut."
Your pussy clenched; heat flooded you.
You still managed to frown at him, but your eyes shone with pleading need. It blew your pupils wide, glazing your gaze as Andy pushed you down to your knees in the semi-darkness of his office.
He ordered you to open your mouth, not an ounce of soft coaxing in the way he gripped your jaw and tilted your head as he fed you his thick cock.
"Such a needy slut and yet so untrained." Andy hummed when you gagged.
"Don't worry," he cupped both sides of your head and held you in place, showing no mercy as you choked and your eyes teared up.
"I'll train you."
He promised the same later, when you were hanging off his massive desk, your body limp and twitching as he twisted his thumb into your tight asshole while your pussy leaked his cum.
With a growl of approval, Andy watched a thick dollop of white cum spill out as he smacked your ass. You moaned, your hole clenching tightly around his thumb.
"What a dirty girl," he mocked, twisting the digit in your rim.
"Stuffed full of cum and getting turned on from her tight ass being played with. You're making a mess in my office." Andy's low grunt resounded right next to your ear as he pinned you down with the weight of his body, his beard grazing your tear-streaked cheek.
"Leaking your juices and my seed onto the floor and my shoe. You're gonna be a good little cumslut and clean it all."
#Wetnessday Anon#reply#Andy Barber x reader#Andy Barber x you#Andy Barber imagine#professor!Andy Barber#Andy Barber smut
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analysing the (heartbreaking) kitty letter bc i will never get over it <\3
Ty, Ty, Ty.
kit repeating his name so many times bc he is physically incapable of stopping oh i want to cry
Your name looks strange written out like that. Like an abbreviation. But Tiberius would be so formal. I never think of you that way. Or, I suppose I should say, I never thought of you that way. Tenses matter in these situations, I guess.
he spends so much time thinking about everything related to ty, even his name and how it’a pronounced. it's like he has a little box in the back of his mind reserved for all things ty and he only allows himself to open it sometimes, when he can't help himself any longer. and he does it, despite the pain it causes him.
It’s late, past midnight, and I’m sitting on the windowsill in my bedroom at Cirenworth.
late at night, all kit can think about is ty and everything he lost. in the darkness, he can allow himself to feel and remember.
Jem and Tessa gave me one of the best rooms. Of course they did. It has a view out over the gardens. Sometimes I see the ghost of a dog there, a golden retriever I’m pretty sure, running in and out of the flowerbeds. He seems like a pretty happy ghost.
this is one of the only happy parts in the whole letter. i love how it shows how much jem and tessa care about kit, how much they have made him a part of their home, their family. they truly want only the best for him and love him so much, they want him to have all of the things he never had with johnny (+ we have further confirmation that kit can definitely see oscar wilde which is simply adorable).
I think about how much you like animals and how much they love you, because of course they do. But it’s too late; this dog passed away a long time ago. You probably couldn’t even see him. It’s too late for a lot of things, now.
it's giving "of course animals also love you, it's hard not to love you" and the way he says it with such ease… like loving ty is natural and not surprising at all bc it's just the way things are. but then he goes back to his toxic mindset that it's too late now, it's too late for that love to grow because they're not together anymore, it's too late to take back everything that happened between them.
I’m still mad at you, and I don’t feel good about that. Maybe if I could forget, I could forgive. But I can’t forget that night you brought Livvy back. I’ll suddenly remember even when I’m thinking about something else. I’ll be in the middle of helping Tessa in the garden and suddenly I’ll turn around and I’m back in Idris.
he doesn't like being angry, he wants to move on, but he can't because it's ty. maybe if it was anyone other than ty. but it's not. no matter how hard he tries, he can't forget everything that happened at the lake. even when he's doing normal ordinary things, it will hit him that he's not okay, even after all this time. kit is struggling to forgive but he's really trying.
I remember I told you I loved you. I remember I told you I would help you, but not if you raised Livvy from the dead. Not if you did necromancy. But you wanted that more than you wanted me.
the reason why it's so hard to forgive is because of all the memories which are still so fresh in his mind. he can remember every detail, he can remember the pain it caused him to open himself up like that and then be broken apart. he was truly honest with someone for once and took a chance only for it all to come crashing down, for it to be clear that ty never wanted any of that and he certainly never wanted him (what a bunch of bs, kit, c'mon bffr) :(
And I understand that. I’m not angry about that. Here’s what I’m angry about: when you brought Livvy back, you changed yourself. You made yourself a different person than the one I loved. I don’t know the person you are now. You took yourself away from me. I can’t forgive that.
the way he says he understands it has my throat tying up bc kit genuinely believes it - that ty could never love him. and more so, that he has good reason for it. nobody has ever loved him so why should ty be any different? kit isn't angry about not being loved (he's never been loved), it's that ty changed himself. ty became someone kit never thought he could be, someone he can’t recognise. all of kit's anger is directed towards ty and what he did to himself, it was never about kit's hurt feelings. kit knows hurt, he's dealt with it his whole life. his concern is ty.
And you made me someone who has to keep a secret I never wanted to keep. I was raised by someone who had so many awful secrets, and when I started my life as a Shadowhunter I wanted to do it openly, and honestly. But now I’m just someone else with secrets I can never tell. Just like my dad.
i think kit’s greatest fear is turning into johnny. turning into someone who has so little love to give, someone who lies and cheats their way through life, makes kit terrified that he could end up like johnny. (but i also really love the fact that johnny was brought up at all bc it shows kit still thinks about him and that his death did impact him. i can't wait to see more of what kit thinks about him in twp).
It makes me angry, so angry. I want to yell at you. I wish you were here so I could yell at you.
and still, despite his anger; despite him not being able to forgive; despite feeling betrayed; he still loves ty. he still wants ty by his side. he wants to tell him everything that he wrote on paper, he wants ty to hear his words and be angry at him. he just wants ty.
and the yelling bit… like michi said, i hope the mutual yelling at each other will end in an angry kiss ehem
Kit
oh how painful it is to sign a letter he will never send
#in conclusion i need fucking help#bc i did NOT just sit here for ages analysing a freaking letter#(and yet i did)#oh gosh im gonna need therapy after reading twp im afraid#kit herondale#ty blackthorn#kit x ty#kitty#seasons of shadowhunters#cassandra clare#the last king of faerie#the dark artifices#the wicked powers#tlkof#tda#twp#tsc
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Thoughts on Veilguard so far:
Preface: I’m ~50 hours in with a handful of endgame spoilers.
My general values are: Story > Characters > Gameplay > Romance > Rep > Visuals.
My rating of the previous games: DA2 > DAO > DAI
Spoilers under Cut:
What I expected: Having to deal with an unappealing art style and clunky gameplay with leftover multiplayer and live service era elements that they couldn’t get rid of for the sake of the story and characters.
What I got: Well…
Let’s Start with the negatives:
-Dialogue: I want to know what happened there. Ik for a fact they had veteran BioWare writers on the team and it feels like there was a decision to dumb everything down to the point of me immediately having a line in my head that would sound better in universe every time someone spoke. It proved especially grating once I heard Morrigan speak. And when people compare the writing to MCU I cannot really protest. “Dragon Age has always been unserious” yes but like. Not every other line was a joke or relatable™️ millennial awkwardness . When jokes did happen they became memorable moments for the fandom. It’s often very difficult to listen to. Especially when Rook talks. It is getting marginally better though.
-Tone: Dragon Age has been compelling to me because it wrote conflict and trauma and corruption in a way that felt developed enough to feel grounded and believably horrific. Even with all its faults. DATV mellowed out the horrors and seems to gloss over a lot of sociopolitical dynamics and lore. Stuff like portraying crows as vigilantes and not showing the evils of Tevinter slavery. The tone itself just feels like theyre trying to make an easily marketable sanitized IP out of it to cater to a wider audience.
-Character Writing: A lot of characterization has been “Tell not show” because I’m disappointed in Lucanis and Neve. The story says one is a serious killer and the other is a cynic but both have only been friendly soft and positive which is like??? I feel like a lot of their intro has been cut out or something where they establish those traits on screen. Another thing is: there don’t appear to be actually detestable and controversial traits in characters or even internal conflict they need to overcome. They’re just dealing with some kind of external thing thrust onto them and that is very shallow to me personally.
-Intro: I know we’re not getting Origins style personalized intros again but it felt like too much is handwaived into people making their own OCs and forming headcanons when the game doesn’t let us RP much at all outside identity stuff anyway. Like how do we know Varric? Why should any of the pep talks he gives us mean anything when we haven’t experienced anything to warrant the complements he gives us?
-Villains: possibly the worst part of the story: they lit act like theyre in a preschool cartoon down to body language. No nuance no controversy no actual horror to them when in previous games the evil felt so much more pronounced because some of the villains felt human enough to be a shitty person irl.
-Rep: Sigh. Even as a transmasc I might be a little too internally transphobic for the rep in the game. It feels like so many steps ahead of what the story should be handling. Like fix the slavery problem in a meaningful way then start philosophical gender discussions about what a gender binary even is. And it’s very cringe to me when it’s spoken about in game. Like yeah I love that there’s no way to dispute what the characters are but it also feels so entirely uncreative using modern day terminology for this stuff. And I don’t mean “replace it with ambiguous sad baby talk” but something more. Like is it terrible to want that? Even if you were planning on using the word nonbinary, at least tell us what a binary even is and how it was instituted as an idea into this world. Like I do adore Taash, I just wish the gender stuff wasn’t so clumsy.
-Visuals: It’s hard man. As an artist who sees human bodies as proportion reference points, the bodies still look off to me. Like it was worse and I’m getting used to it but it’s still painful. And I’m all for trying to stylize but this particular heroforge direction was not something I would have picked.
-OST: At first I couldn’t tell Zimmer/Balfe’s stuff apart from Morris’s but yeah, the new stuff is more boring(Sans the Rivain part)
-The 3 choice thing: yeah not a fan of that. I feel like perhaps it was a part of the multiplayer era where they would not be able to import much if everyone had a massively different world state so they limited it to the tiny MC choices. Still sad that the romance thing only really matters if you romanced Solas because the Dorian cameo wasn’t anything to write home about. Kinda feels like they added him in last minute because someone pointed out how much Solas-skewed the choices were. Idk. I so expected Josie in Antiva but alas.
Now Onto the Positives:
-Codices: The very way-too modern simplified conversational dialogue style carries over to the codices. And while I despise that as a creative, I do find myself actually reading them as they come because they are so easy to absorb. I feel like a lot of people would benefit from not skipping them because there are some references and plot reveals worth checking out.
-Story: If you deafen the dialogue style, the story itself is top. Gets way better as you play and from the spoilers I’ve heard, yeah. It’s good. Can’t wait to find out more.
-Gameplay: Listen I have a massive preference for DA style combat even if most ppl call it a slog. The turn based element, the pause button, the hoarding skills I never use. It’s like coming home to me. I hated DAI combat for the amount of anxiety it induced and I usually hate fast-paced action combat in most other games. DATV made me eat my boots. Its combat is insanely fun and engaging and often times I’m looking forward to fights more than quests themselves. Very colorful, very flashy, and very effective. The pause button gives less freedom but it’s there. The combos are fun. It is like Mass Effect except I did not find commanding the companions in Mass Effect as intuitive. Tho I wish non mages had less magicey feeling attacks.
-The CC: Yeah it wowed me with the options. I like how much can be done with the facial sliders and how good the hair looks.
-Puzzles: Listen the puzzles are extremely stupid in this game. But I also am very stupid and lazy when it comes to solving them. I have looked up the vast majority of puzzle solutions for DA games. No more DA2 Fade Barrels and no more trying to circumnavigate the ad infested Fandom Wiki to get to the Kitty’s prison solution. Crafted specifically for me.
-Mechanical Things: The game is optimized insanely well. Both when It comes to your PC and the gameplay. I’m amazed how well it runs on my PC when games like BG3 and Cyberpunk make my CPU scream. Love that. As far as gameplay goes: everything is super streamlined and designed to be as un-annoying as possible. No carry weight, no collectibles as annoying and unrewarding as the shards and mosaics. The maps are easy to parse. The game does not bombard you with useless NPCs, banter can’t be interrupted and characters catch up on banter at the Lighthouse if you’ve been avoiding certain party comps by accident. The quest locator is actually helpful. Skill points can be refunded. Looting is easy and finding shit feels rewarding.
-Characters: Honestly they do have some interesting things going on and while most characters feel a little hollow so far, I was pleasantly surprised by Davrin and Bellara. Davrin is the one I’m romancing and while the actual romance isn’t groundbreaking I’m glad I chose him. Yes, his character has a lot to do with Assan and his arc, but he does have stuff going on of his own. He’s very refreshing because some of the things he says low key both makes you think and also worry about him. He’s also not your usual preppy jock type. He can be a little mean sometimes. He’s artistic and principled. He has some remnants of “opinions I don’t agree with” that I love early DA for. When it comes to Bellara, she absolutely breaks the sort of Manic Pixie/Quirky Awkward young coded girl mold. It is the fact that there is self awareness and hints of history of failure and isolation in her words. There is also masking and over-clarification that I can relate to personally. I hope there is stuff like that to other companions when I get to know them better.
Visuals: the UI and Locations are stunning. The outfits the best the game has had so far(tho wish the overall look was less stylized) The blighted stuff(sans the ogres) and the Crossroads. Beautiful.
-Dwarf Lore: started out as fucking cheesy but I just finished meeting Valta and I’m seated.
-Solas Stuff: Hated the man for a while. Caved and made a solavellan to import to get more story stuff. NGL he is actually tolerable/interesting to me in this game.
Overall: A sickly sweet combo of Disappointed and Impressed. And I’m still gonna be playing. I am used to not liking something about every DA game. That’s part of the fun for me. But damn is this one testing me. Am I having a lot of fun playing it? Absolutely. Am I finding it difficult to get through a concerning amount of dialogue…yeah. It does still feel like a DA game but also like if someone made a pg-13 live action of Inquisition and then made a supplementary game based off that. If I forget that it’s supposed to be a sequel and just treat it like an action game with plot then it’s easier. And like I’m sure at least half of what I listed as a negative can be attributed to EA meddling or prev iterations of the game being inseparable. Anyway. Can’t wait to see the ending and I will add more thoughts when I’m done.
#dragon age the veilguard#datv#dragon age: the veilguard#Veilguard spoilers#BioWare critical#sort of a review
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It's hard talking about the disrespect to Greek mythology and religion when every argument people brings to the table is "look at this original novel that is adapted into a movie that is turned into a tv show that didn't follow the original plot" as if the Greek culture is on par with fictional story instead of a tradition and heritage of real life people.
A media that is broadcast to the public and make accessible to everyone that erased the values and lesson of a cultural story still can do harm when it feeds misunderstanding and misinterpretion of the culture it originated from.
Greek people has the right to be upset when their culture keeps getting misrepresented, doesn't matter the good intentions behind it, why must it be at the expense of Greek culture?
You can create arts that is so beautiful and so praises by many, and years from now you could look back and see what an amazing experience and community you have created out of it. But at the same time you also continue feeding the distorted ideas and flawed understanding about a culture as a whole.
All because you took from a culture and want to tell your own story.
Retelling is telling back the story. Any addition or new ideas you bring is when there's part in the original story that is vague or open for interpretations. Even then, when you elaborate, you follows the already presented ideas that the original story already established.
If it so beloved to you and so meaningful to you, why couldn't you be faithful when adapting and retelling with the talents you have?
Shouldn't it be better if you created an original story inspired by it? If you feels that the values and standards are not to your taste, but you so loved the stories and could related to it, isn't it better to create original characters and settings with your own voice and narrative with the story inspiration as the backdrop?
At this point, what is greek mythology and lore to you? That makes you so passionate so inspired, that spark your imagination that encourage you to be creative but it is at the ruin of old age history that is meaningful for the Greek identity. Do you really appreciate the values and moral that you gained from the stories, or did you forget yourself along the way?
I couldn't have said it better! I agree to all that because that is exactly my sentiment as well! On one hand of course I am proud that Greek mythology contnues to inspire and people want to create stuff on them or that even now there are people who think the values of Greek Mythology are universal and they are!
But as you said it pains me to no limits when stories that were literally created from people based on their culture and religion to pass on messages are not only distorted beyond recognition but also to a degree where nowadays most people of Greek mythology liking spectrum know only how terrible villains some men are (in actual mythology they are complicated personas) and how weak women are (there are literlly figures in Greek mythology that are so strong personas that honestly I am shocked. See Helen for example how she is the most projected persona as a pretty face that does nothing when Helen literally taks back to Aphrodite, she is the only one who sees through Odysseus's disguise, she has knowledge of medicine and so much more for once) Mythology loses all its meaning, all its allegory and all its cultural spectrum because as you said people do not use it to retell the story, they use the word "retelling" as their excuse to just tell a story that fits them by using the popularity of greek mythology and yes as you said why cannot they say their original stories while using inspiration from Greek mythology?
Honestly I have nothing to add! You said it all dear Anon!
#katerinaaqu answers#greek mythology#tagamemnon#retellings#“retelling” means “tell the story again” it doesn't mean “make it unrecognizable”!#people still can critisize regardless of pure intentions#ancient greek myth#ancient greek myths#ancient greek culture#food for thought
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Public Relations
Pairing: Austin Butler x Female!Reader
warning?: (talk about motherhood, slight cheating)
Summary: You and Austin had a baby recently, but things haven’t been peachy, not at all. Fans are starting to speculate. And PR is chasing your asses.
The last time Austin and you were together was right after the birth of your baby girl in June, he had been bugging you for a year of how much he wanted to be a daddy.
At first you were not going to give it to him. You knew his career, how busy he got and it was true, his career was his priority and nothing would ever change that. You understood, he had worked SO hard for it and he wouldn’t leave it to be a stay-at-home daddy or a husband. There was a reason why there wasn’t a ring on your finger.
But you reluctantly agreed to have a baby, just to see him happy. Although you yourself weren’t so sure about it. The pregnancy, damn, was it hard.
You found yourself feeling worn down by the baby inside of you, you went to many midwives and they told you that it was normal. But you couldn’t really do much anyways. You stayed at home, laying down in the bed or bathtub, he was there with you.
And now, months later, your baby girl was three months old and you were in LA. His house in LA, because you lived with him. He was staying in NYC.
You woke up one morning, the baby laying besides you sound asleep. Getting up from the bed, putting on your slippers as opening the windows. Today, you were going to New York because of his PR manager.
You bathed your baby girl, Lux. She totally had Austin’s face. So when you missed him, you looked at her, but whenever he screwed up, you couldn’t look at her. You knew you were being immature but— how can you look at your daughter when she has the face of a man that has hurt you multiple times?
Getting to NYC wasn’t a really long trip, but you never liked it.
You never quite liked New York after getting in a relationship with Austin. Granted, before getting with him, you and your friends spent many morning doing ‘shame-walks’ back to apartments or hotels after wild nights out.
That’s literally how you met Austin, half drunk and with cigarette in your hand, waiting for a taxi to pass by, you didn’t even notice the ash from your cigarette had burnt a hole into Austin’s shirt.
Back then, 2019, he had broken up with Vanessa a month ago and when you got with him, you knew the kind of scrutiny you were getting yourself into. The rumors of you being his side-girl, the reason he broke up with her. And you know, at first you were just a stupid rebound, a one night thing. But when you didn’t leave the next morning after having sex— you both knew you were up for a ride.
Arriving at his apartment in New York, you entered and turned on all the lights, it looked like no one really lived there, not because it was ugly but because everything was so neat. It’s like he only woke up, did his morning routine, went out, and came back to sleep. That was mostly because he basically had been living here on his own for months.
You two didn’t even act like a couple anymore, like anyone would think you’re divorced and you have custody of the kid.
Didn’t take long before he arrived, you heard the keys and the doorknob turning. You heard his boots and he finally entered the living room. You were breastfeeding Lux.
“Oh, fuck, you scared me.” He jumped a little, all the lights were turned off except a small lamp.
“I thought you knew we were here already.” You rolled your eyes. Lux had finished eating, so you pulled her from your breast, covered up and started burping her.
She was so small still, none of this was her fault. Austin leaned down and only kissed your cheek. Not your lips, no nothing. Biting the inside of your check, you glanced down.
“I went to eat but— there’s plenty of food on the fridge.” Austin said, pushing his now long blond hair back. “If you want anything.”
“I had some fruit I saw in the fridge. I’m not very hungry lately.” You said, maybe it was just the whole postpartum thing. It was something weird and new to you. Losing hair, gaining weight, feeling depressed. It all took a toll on you. As it did on other women.
“Well, you should eat. You have been losing too much hair, baby. You have nothin’ on your head!” Austin tried to joke. The joke didn’t quite land, at all.
You got yourself onto his apartment, he had hanged pictures of you, he had added a few of the three of you. Recent one, from when Lori was but a few weeks old. Hanged there on the top of his bed.
You dropped one of your earrings and you knelt to grab it. Reaching to grab it, what did you grab? A g-string.
It wasn’t yours. You are a mother now. A g-string couldn’t hold your entire vagina even if you wanted to.
He had been seeing her again. That fucking nepo-baby. Kaia Gerber. He had been seeing her since the end of 2021. You had told him: it’s going to come back to bite you in the ass. But he didn’t listen.
When you told him to do something, he did the opposite.
But you wanted karma to get him. It still hurt, of course. You had just had his baby, it would hurt anyone. You just threw it down there again.
You two were selfish, bringing a little kid to this horrible life, where his parents weren’t that much in love anymore.
You were young when you and Austin started to date, pretty much freshly out of school. You were naive back then, thinking that love could beat everything. What a stupid little girl, who makes stupid decisions and never learns.
“You’ve been seeing her again.” You said to him.
“We’ve been through this before, y/n…” he groaned, as if what you said was an inconvenience.
“Exactly. And every time I try to tell you that she’s not good for you—“
“It’s my goddamn business, alright?” He snapped at you after interrupting.
“It’s not just your business, you son of a bitch. There’s a baby involved. Your baby. Yours.” You finally snapped too.
“Listen. I don’t want to argue today, alright?” He laid back on the couch.
He was a pretty fucker, you wouldn’t deny it. He had gained a shit ton of muscle for the movie he had started filming. He looked three times bigger than when you had first met him.
“PR wants you to be on set tomorrow, with Lux.” Austin said. Looking at his phone.
“Why?” You asked, confused. You barely visited him on any set. Not because you didn’t want to but because he didn’t want you distracting him.
“What else for? Photos. They want to see us be a pretty little fucking family. Isn’t that good?” He said, a little smirk on his face.
“Like, putting on a show?” You asked, confused. You weren’t new to PR moved but this one seemed a little… icky.
“It’ll benefit us both! And it’s a chance for you to finally see me get into action.” He smiled, as if this was a normal Tuesday. Nothing like a good ol’ PR stunt.
“Right, to make you seem like the family guy, got it.” You said sarcastically.
“Don’t be so sarcastic, alright? It’ll make wonders.”
You sat by his side, he turned to face you and his hand reached for your cheek, caressing it with his thumb.
“You have to help me out, baby. Alright, doll?” He basically purred out.
He had a way of making you want to do anything he said.
“Just this one time.” You agreed, reluctantly, you wanted to smack him but you wanted to help him.
“God, I love you.” He leaned in and kissed your cheek, his beard itchy.
You didn’t understand him, did he love you? Did her love Kaia? Did he love just the idea of you being there for him? What did he love?
You got ready to visit him in set while Lux was asleep, once she woke up from her sleep, you bathed her in a little plastic tub.
“Look at you, you smell delicious.” You said as you basically breaded her with baby powder. You liked baby smell, just the smell of them. They smelled clean, pink, you couldn’t even describe it. “Wanna go and see daddy?”
You sprayed on perfume before leaving his apartment. You looked pretty enough for the photos. The whole ride there was filled with traffic, but that’s New York City for all.
Once you got there, you were welcomed by his publicist, Kate.
“Y/n! Over here. Listen, it’ll be easy. You just wait here until Darren yell ‘cut’, then Austin will come up and you’ll be holding Lux. He’ll play with her. Smile at you, kiss you.”
Like acting. Quite literally scripted like a movie scene.
“Okay, yes. Sure.” You nodded, pushing Lux’s stroller.
You walked to the sidelines of filming, standing besides makeup artists, the hair girls, costume, producers, etc. They leaned down and cooed Lux whenever they could.
“She looks just like him!” They said, each and every single one of them.”
Even Darren himself said so. You voicing help but roll your eyes. You hated that she looked so much like him. She had her face, yet she was innocent. She hadn’t done anything to you. Nothing. Just be born with that idiot’s face.
Then it came acting time, Darren yelled ‘cut’ and you reached for Austin with little Lux in your arms. She had a pink onesie and a little pink headband.
Austin went into daddy mode, walking towards you as he cooed baby Lux. He got closer and player with her tiny hands.
“They’re right behind you.” He said as she kept smiling. He was referring to fans there, whose pictures would fly on the internet as soon as they were posted.
They were a complete hit as his PR had predicted. So they went with it, they planned another PR date. The fucking concert. A Gracie Abram’s one at that. Neither did you or Austin listened to her music.
“This is ridiculous.” You muttered as you looked outside the car window. You wore basic clothes, you took your time with the hair and maybe the makeup. But you didn’t leave the apartment very relaxed, there was a nanny taking care of Lux but you didn’t trust her. The fuck you did, you didn’t trust anyone to be around her.
“Just for the photos, alright? I don’t want to do this either but you know— PR.” He said.
The concert was lame, not that the girl wasn’t talented but you weren’t even focused on the whole ordeal. Instead, you focused on texting the nanny about Lux while Austin drank a Corona. Nothing, maybe it it had been a concert of an artist you both enjoyed, you two would have been wrapped on each other’s arms, but who knows? With how things had been, you doubt it.
Getting out of the concert, he put on a fucking face mask. You sighed, but you grabbed his arm as you walked towards the car, the paparazzi there already picturing you two. You weren’t used to paparazzi, you would never be, so you clung onto him, at least a bit tighter. Almost like a deadly grip. Then he took his face mask off, and her rubbed his hand a few times. He looked annoyed already.
The photos went out that very night, various tabloids, and fan accounts of him posted them. So, it didn’t go as planned.
Austin Butler and girlfriend, Y/n, make another public appearance after attending Gracie Abrams’ concert. They’re still going strong!
“He’s the creator of #ihatemygf lol🤣”
“Can she be any less clingy? He looks uncomfortable.”
“She’s gripping him like he’s going to run away if she lets go! 😂”
“They have zero chemistry. I smell a break up.”
“I’m tired of the media forcing them down my throat!”
“She has ZERO MEDIA TRAINING. She’s been with him for six years and she still acts like a frigid little girl.”
“Are these two supposed to be couple goals? I don’t even wish this relationship on my worst enemy.”
“These two can’t even make a PR stunt look buyable! If I were a paparazzi, I wouldn’t even sell these photos!”
Looks like there’s trouble in paradise! Austin Butler and baby mama, y/n. Make yet a second public appearance but people are quick to point out the switch in their body language. As in other photos, it seems like Austin tried to get her off him subtly. As a quote from himself:
‘My love language is physical touch. Tell how great I am and touch me.’
Are we smelling a break up or was it just a common couple disagreement?
“They need to get off each other’s back. He needs a woman his age and she needs a guy her age.”
“They’re stupid for having a baby, they look like they hate each other.”
“Why is she not taking care of his baby?!”
“Do they hate each other? They’re a mess!😂”
“I can’t even look at the second photo without cracking up. Austin’s face says: finally this clingy bitch got off me. 😆”
Yeah, it didn’t go as planned. Austin wasn’t pissed but he was definitely annoyed.
“This is the last fucking time I’m listening to Kate.” Austin threw his phone on the bed. Irritated, he had done all that circus last night for nothing. “Listen, let’s talk.”
You sat there, Lux laid in bed, this could have been a very wholesome family moment. But you three weren’t a wholesome family.
“Alright, let’s talk.” You nodded.
“This thing between us,” he pointed at you and then at the baby and then at him. “It’s not working, it stopped working a long time ago.”
You nod, you knew that. Hell, you knew that since the last trimester of your pregnancy. When you spent them mostly in bed or taking baths. You knew you had become boring but it wasn’t your intention. Nobody ever told you that the life you were creating took so much from you. Lux leeched from you for nine months straight.
“Do you think I don’t know that?” You said, almost as in a tone that said ‘isn’t it obvious?’
“I don’t know why we don’t work anymore. I don’t know what the hell happened between us.” Austin pinched the bridge of his nose, sighing.
“And what am I supposed to do, huh? I hadn’t seen you in two months, you left me in LA, alone with—“
Austin clenched his jaw, tight. “Don’t out this all on me. It was your choice to have the baby. Maybe if you hadn’t got pregnant, we wouldn’t have this mess!”
After he said that, something inside of you snapped. What the fuck were you doing still with him? With a guy who never woke up by your side. With a guy whose career was his main priority. With a guy that sweet-talked you to have a baby and when he couldn’t handle the changes, flew to NYC. You changed, yes. But it was for him and because of him. You couldn’t keep living with the uncertainty.
“That’s it. I’m going back to LA.” You stood up from the bed, cuddling baby Lux in your arms. You grabbed your purse and Lux’s baby bag. Austin’s eyes widened.
“Are you seriously making another scene, again Austin asked with an irritated expression, but when you grabbed Lux’s baby bottler, he knew you were serious. “No, wait. Hear me out.” He tried to stand in front of you.
“I’m tired of hearing you out!” You said as she circled around him, getting out of the bedroom.
“I’m sorry! I don’t mean to be such an asshole. Or take it out on you. I guess I’m not handling all of this well.” He said softly.
“That’s not my fault.” You snapped again. Tired of always being understanding. Of always trying to be calm and respectful of whatever he said.
“I know. I was just being a dick, alright? I’m sorry,” He looked at you with those beautiful blue eyes, but you wouldn’t fall, not again.
“I’m tired of being understanding and kind. I’m tired of having to listen to every single one of your excuses. I’m done with this. I’m done with being shredded to pieces by the media because you can’t seem to like me. I’m done with you playing with me and that fucking nepobaby. I’m tired of having to be there for you in everything and you can’t even do it for me.”
You snapped, looking at him right in the eye.
“This is where we end.” You said, you didn’t even give him an ultimatum. It just wouldn’t be fixed. It wouldn’t.
“No, wait! You can’t just break up with me. We have a kid, y/n, have common sense…” He said, reaching for your hand.
Were you about to cry because he was holding back tears? Of course. You rarely saw him cry, but you had to be strong. At least for yourself.
“We can be co-parents. It’s the best thing for her. I don’t want her growing up in a place where her parents hate each other’s guts.” You said, you had made up your mind. “I’m sorry.���
You said before storming out of his apartment.
He couldn’t even move. Seriously. Everything had come down on him. Maybe if they hadn’t done that stupid PR stunt, they would have gotten a week or more together.
Author’s note: This is so fucking long, wtf????
Anyways. Thank you for reading 🫶💕
#austin butler#austinbutler#austin butler imagine#austin butler fanfiction#austin butler fic#austin butler x reader#austin butler hot#austin butler is so hot#light angst#austin butler x you#austin butler x y/n
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“come on just . . . talk to me.” for clegan could be so good!
This has been sitting in my inbox for moonths. I'm sorry it's taken me so long, but I hope you like it anon :)
Continues from my wee ficlet where Gale suspects there's something happening between John and one of his buddies, and he's both wrong and correct about it.
"Come on just…talk to me!"
John trailed after Gale in a hurried two-step. Although John had the advantage in height, that felt all for nothing now as Gale's stride swallowed up ground.
John had barely managed to stutter out an explanation of what had happened with Harry before any promises Gale had made him about keeping his head had been fast forgotten and he had near upended John fishing the car keys from his pockets.
Normally such a thorough going over would have John reclining back with his hands behind his head, but this time he clawed at Gale's arms, fruitlessly trying to keep Gale with him.
Gale had kicked the door open and was gunning for the car. He got as far as the key in the lock before John bulldozed into his side and brought him down hard onto the ground.
In a far more violent echo of their fight earlier that day, before Harry lost his absolute mind, Gale and John rolled around on the hard ground in the barely-lit evening. Gale bucked and thrashed and kicked, and John was going to be sporting some cracking bruises tomorrow. He held on by the strength of his legs alone, and when Gale managed to get his legs under him and tried to stand, John clamped tighter and dragged Gale right back down. He reached for the keys clutched fiercely in Gale's hands, but Gale saw him coming. He shoved the keys down his shirt and started to use those long and dexterous fingers to poke at all of John's soft and sensitive and vulnerable bits to try and loosen his grip.
But John rode it out and finally managed to wrap Gale's arms up tight against his own chest, pinned by John's arms locked around his torso.
"Get off me, John," Gale warned, low and spitting.
"Nuh-uh. Not a chance."
Gale made a frustrated, impotent noise.
"What're you gonna do, huh?"
Gale thrashed and twisted, and managed to roll them so John was on his bag, groaning and his breath was squeezed out of him under Gale's weight.
"I'm going to sink my boot into that skinny bastard's ass, that's what I'm gonna do! Thinks he can just kiss you and get away with it? Whilst I'm breathing?!"
"You—fuck." John had to brace and hold on with all his might as Gale managed to leverage himself onto his knees. But hold on he did. Like a damn spider monkey. "You promised!"
Gale was panting, sucking down air like John did carcinogens. Whether due to wrestling with John's weight on his back, or the anger that still had him trembling underneath all the points where John touched him, he wasn't sure. But he wasn't about to make the shittiest bet of his life that Gale was through working his way up to manslaughter.
John used his extra weight to his advantage and rocked forward hard and fast, sending Gale back down to the ground under him again.
Gale hissed and foamy spittle splattered on to the ground, and John worked one hand through Gale's hair, shushing and soothing.
"What did I say, hm? Before I left what did I say? Where am I lookin'?"
Gale tried to jerk his head out of from underneath John's pressing and prodding and scraping fingers but got nowhere. "It's not about you lookin' elsewhere, Bucky," he warned. "He's got no right to put hands or…any other part of him on you like that!"
"I know. I know. And I set him straight. I told you, I set him straight. You believe me? You trust me?"
The fight started to seep out of Gale. Because he did. He trusted Bucky with his life, with his whole entire future. And wasn't that terrifying, putting all of that on one man and expecting him to bear the load? But Bucky did, without a single missed step. Even when Buck missed a whole bunch of them himself and went spiralling down the stairs.
He'd warned Bucky he was a mess at relationships. Didn't matter what kind, he'd been a mess at them his whole life. Not a one of them had lasted. Not till Bucky.
And the thought of someone else showing Bucky what it could be like with someone else? Without so much shit to carry? That wasn't going to fly with him at all.
But Bucky was a grown man. He could handle his own business. Gale had to let him handle his own business. Take responsibility for yourselves, the head doc had said. Try to ease off the co-dependency.
Well, if this was what independence looked like, Gale was not a fan.
But still. They'd promised to do right by each other and try.
"Alright." It was quiet and begrudging but he said it. "Alright. You're right, I…I don't know what I was thinkin'."
John huffed and Gale felt him knock his head against the back of Gale's. Felt the muscles of his arms and legs ease off. His hands spasmed like they wanted the snatch all John's limbs back up and keep them there. See how long they could hold on.
"You were thinking you're a jealous bastard with a mean streak no one sees coming. That's what you were thinking. Like I don't know you, Buck, Christ."
John released him finally and rolled onto his back in a wide-armed, open-legged sprawl. it was a tempting, inviting space built perfectly for Gale's wide shoulders.
John propped himself up on his elbows. It stuck his chest out and Gale watched as John still tried to catch his breath. His curls were unruly and springing their way to freedom, apart from the wisps at his hairline that got caught up in his sweat. It made his face glow with the light it caught.
"Can't say I blame you, though. If some guy came on to you, I'd—"
Gale threw himself on top of John, claiming his mouth. Maybe his blood was hot. Maybe he couldn't stand the thought of anymore someone's trying to come between him and John. Maybe the sight of John laid out and breathless because of him was too much to bear, but Gale had one hand around the back of John's neck and was tipping his head up to lave his tongue over the dexterous stretch of John's own. They still couldn't breathe. Each kiss was punctuated by gasping inhales, cut off by dip of a tongue or the nip of their teeth.
Gale hauled them upright and, wrenching the hem of his shirt out from his pants, and caught the key that came tumbling out.
"What—?"
"Car," Gale kissed the sound into John's mouth. "Now."
John dropped his hands to Gale's belt and shifted just enough so Gale could reach the lock on the car door. Gale's hands shook as the clink of his belt opening split the air and John thumbed the buttons of his pants open. His large, calloused hand, warmed by a body that always ran hot, slipped inside and covered Gale with a hard press that had him nearly biting through his lip.
John's kisses whispered up the nape of his neck. "Get in the car, Gale."
He finally popped open the door and grabbed the collar of John's shirt. Gale flipped them around and, hands under John's thighs, nearly threw him inside. He watched as John crawled backwards on the bench seat, straining at the front of his pants. One look from Gale was he crawled in after him, and John was frantically flailing trying to remove whatever layers he could to expedite Gale getting on him.
"Fuck, baby," he said with an awe he reserved for B-17s and Gale. "How could anyone else even come close? Not never."
Never. There might be others out there who could show John how to build a healthier relationship. There might be others out there who would know how to de-escalate things and solve disagreements without pushing each other around a little until they got hot from it.
But all those jag offs would have to go through Gale and his cold, dead body before they got to John.
He saw him first and he wasn't giving him up. Fuck what the head headshrinker said.
As he looked down at John, who just looked pleased as punch to be there, Gale thought. Yeah. No one else. Not never.
-
Harry worked the counter at the tailor's Fridays through Sundays.
The owner was getting on in years, and wanted to spend his weekends with his wife and their grandchildren. So, the weekends were reserved for measurements and drop offs only, which Harry could take, and he'd make appointments for them to follow up with with Mr Flaherty later in the week.
The shop was never quieter than that last half hour to closing on a Sunday. By 5.30pm, most people were at home with their families enjoying the last of their quality time together before work and school, or they were out enjoying the final vestiges of freedom provided by the weekend.
So, when the bell over the door went at 5.50pm, ten minutes before closing, Harry didn't think nothing of calling out over his shoulder without looking, "Sorry, we're closing. Come back at nine tomorrow."
He expected to hear shuffling, maybe a mumbling sorry, and certainly the ding of the bell as the door was opened and closed again, But he heard none of that.
Instead, when he spun round, he was greeted with the sight of the always impeccably dressed Major Gale Cleven sitting cross-legged in one of the waiting chairs, staring at him.
Whilst Harry thought John was easy to read—or had though until his gross miscalculation—he'd never been able to get any kind of grasp on his more enigmatic friend.
Well, not his friend, clearly. God, he'd been blind not to see it before. Several of the townsfolk had mentioned how close they were, but Harry hadn't thought anything of it, too laser-focused on the way John smiled at him and the way he smelled and how he touched so easy…
"Harry." Even his voice gave nothing away. A low rumble with barely any inflection.
Had John told him? Harry stared, trying to see through even the slightest crack in Cleven's veneer.
"Do you know why I'm here?"
He was starting to suspect. Harry glanced towards the door.
Gale followed his gaze, and slowly reach out and flicked the snib above the lock.
Fuck. John definitely told him. "Uh…"
"I think you and I need to have a talk."
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Here a few things I found helpful on this topic b.c. it's one of my main interests:
Download YouTube videos on mobile with the Newpipe YouTube client app, you will have to get it off F-Droid or their website because google does not want this in their store for obvious reasons (it also has no ads)
Synchronize any files from and to your Windows, Linux and Android devices using Syncthing , instead of cloud services (that are just someone else's computer) with limited storage, surveillance and the possibility of it all being randomly deleted (which happens) it's a bit of work to set up (took me around 1 hr the first time) but it works and it's instantly in your storage and not somewhere out there
Download music off of YouTube-music (separated from normal YT bc of playlists) with any client, I use this one. It's open source and works to bulk download my playlists into the safety of my hard drives (Desktop only sadly) + you need a separate music player app for phones since android no longer has a native one, I use gramophone, it has a nice interface.
Just download webpages that have any kind of text you would want to read in the future or that you just really like, I think in most desktop browsers you can just hit ctrl + s and specify the directory
Back up your stuff, I've lost it all before and I will not let it happen again
+ Thanks for adding OP, Cobalt tools, is a website where you can paste in a link from most social media and get whatever media was there (i.e. youtube, instagram, twitter and a bunch more) also the creator, @wukker is on tumblr! (and twitter too I think, if you get a notif from this, sorry for @ing)
Related:
Get F-Droid if you're on android, it's a better curated app store and all the apps are fully open source, (or marked otherwise) also meaning no ads or in-app purchases as far as I've seen, it's best you download from there if you can so that google owns you just one bit less
Minimally related:
The app I've been using to read on my phone is KOreader, it ROCKS but you need to be ready to get used to a new UI but once you get to know it it's the best thing, I read so much more bc of my enthusiasm for this app, you can configure tapping your screen corners to change brightness (and so much other stuff) for reading at night, bookmark stuff, it supports a bunch of filetypes, just awesome, idk maybe I'm weird.
btw, if you see resources online that could potentially save your life or a friend's life in the future, i.e. info on access to potentially life-saving care for vulnerable groups- SCREENSHOT, print the webpage if you can or back up the file, keep it somewhere safe. slapping a "#saving for future reference" tag on there isn't enough
tumblr staff can and likely WILL delete it.
websites can always be taken down.
i'm genuinely not trying to sound like a doomer, data is sooo easy to lose forever with no way to get back.
honestly it's good to get into the habit of saving and backing up almost ANYTHING you wouldn't want to lose on the internet, such as music/videos/art/tutorials, because data can easily be lost forever when you least expect it. but it's especially important at a time like this when people's rights and access to care are in question.
save everything. set up a system that works for you to make saving things easier so you're more likely to do it. flash drives are pretty cheap. veracrypt is a fairly reputable source for password protecting folders if you share a computer or a space with people you don't trust. be mindful of your surroundings and safety. do your own research into sources to make sure they are not coming from people with ill-intentions. if this feels out of your scope, seek out communities that can help you parse it out. the most important tool at our disposal is each other.
this is the only post i'll make like this but if you have any other suggestions or corrections you're more than welcome to add on.
#text#tech#autism#sorry for textwalling#I'm just so very enthusiastic about this#also emacs#emacs is great but I can't recommend that to normal people
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hello hello, I took the alien stage pill. howdy fellow sufferers
Honestly, my first reaction to basically everything was "awww, they come in sets and are all without exception horribly doomed no matter their specs (loops cool music and vids)"
I'd seen some of VIVINOS' team works without realizing it was the same artist (my favorites being Beloved and Otomeroid) so it was rather shocking to learn of a "series" with a fandom as active/relatively large as Alien Stage without ever actually stumbling upon it before...
Anyways. I like the concept, and Hyuna+Luka in particular, a whole lot. In spite of all the jokes about only yuri and yaoi losing, my spider sense says they'll get their turn of crashing horribly soon and I wanna stay here to witness it burn beautifully, of course.
TL;DR OMG HYULUKA IS SO DELICIOUS
general yapping about all alien stage duos under the cut and some Hyuna/Luka considerations and theories
disclaimer: long, chaotic post ahead - i wrote most of it during revenge bedtime procrastination so I'm kinda just rambling/discussing my general impressions and vibes here instead of formatting it nicely or properly illustrating my points. good luck if you choose to stick around and make yourself comfy
alien stage impressions under read more - also SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS
funny thing - I got into alien stage completely by chance after checking out some related vids to my Love and Deepspace twitter spree and avoiding my responsibilities. Ivan's Black Sorrow made a very strong impression and I loved his eyes, so I kept going deeper down the rabbit role and felt fascinated by the web of dynamics between the characters each time I took in a little more of the plot.
(His eyes are so cool and expressive.....I was already loving everything prior and was excited to continue, but Ivan was definitely the one to sell me on the concept more strongly and eat up the rest.)
It was interesting seeing "love" portrayed under such dire conditions and I kept wondering how come the aliens are so stupid they chose a 1vs1 PVP combat format with their beloved pets instead of the optimal formation of idol units and at least duos versus each other to utilize their feelings of love. Why would they do that?
That first innocent musing made me realize how clever the team behind ALNST is. The whole thing seems to be operating as a metaphor/commentary about how predatory the real idol industry is (the concept of anakt garden really sounds like the average idol trainee camp experience and the bonds they form with their group mates) and how heartless guardian (parental) figures can be in a society that is heavily utilitarian and barely gives agency to either their own children or sentient beings like animals that we keep as pets.
So in that world, the sacrifices of being an idol are literal and humans themselves are "pets" - with all the implications that come with "being dependent on a species that does not properly comprehend them". At times, the way they refer to the fandom of each character even seems to be tongue in cheek as to how "we" too are watching the story for entertainment and making fanbases for each character and reacting like some of the in-universe alien fans.
Therefore, it's no brainer that the answer to my initial question was: aliens/Segyein don't understand how to utilize human bonds and emotions to their maximum efficiency in the first place. They know interaction between humans seems to be important and produces more beautiful songs. However, they probably experience those feelings differently and most of them are likely unable to truly empathize with human pain, ethics or feelings. (And believe me, even some people have a hard time believing other species benifit from socialization, so aliens being that way is understandable). Perhaps the awful acts of the Segyein mutilating their pet human is no different from pulling a butterfly's wings to a human or injecting colored fluid into a flower. The glimpses of their buildings and tv show that they have the same sort of "do they have rights?" feelings and similar moral conflicts to what we have in the real world about species we don't understand fully.
I think it's really challenging to analyze a work attempting to guess future developments when you don't know the creator too well. In spite of looping OTOMEROID I wouldn't say I know VIVINOS and her team deeply as an admirer. But from the overall tone of the videos in her channel, I could pick up on a fascination with "extremes" of emotion and exploring the hypocrisy of society. Human/animal experimentation and materialism/religion/consumerism are topics that come up often. Love is also hardly ever portrayed as a simple or benevolent feeling alone - there's unrequited love, obsession, insanity, many facets of that feeling on the channel. Some works are more straightforward and focus on the visual presentation, others seem to have a deeper story behind it.
The technical quality of the Alien Stage MVs is extremely impressive, I had a blast looking at the patreon storyboards and feeling like "wow, a person actually made this". It seriously got me inspired to feel like drawing more to get out of my own artblock and to pick up on old OCs to show them some love. In the era of AI, this is a joy to get to feel. It all definitely feels like a well-put together labor of love. I'm super weak to things brimming with passion like this, it's contagious!!!!
Now that I've tried my best to make an eloquent opening and act like I'm not at all just a fangirl foaming at the mouth with this intense concept (I keep crying that I wanna see either Aka or Ohkawa try their hand at a death game scenario) and at the sight of a tragic toxic duo with a backstory of a deeply rooted mutual obsession/love and fall out (wiping drool out of the corner of my mouth as we speak), let's talk a little more about the story. In order to make sense out of my ramblings and projections, let me explain my thoughts on the other duos besides my bias first.
Mizi and Sua set the tone to their universe as well as serve as an explanation as to why "idols" work well to represent their conflict and struggle - I'm fresh out of Oshi no Ko here, so this feels equal parts like a comfort zone and everything but comfortable and hellish to go over again. But, to put it briefly, the adoration of someone as an entertainer that you want to support also overlaps with the word reserved for adoring "an image or representation of a god used as an object of worship" - idol.
Humans, stripped of their power and autonomy after arrogantly believing they were superior to everyone else and were the only beings in the vast universe, have been subjugated by other species. Because of the bleak, unforgiving circumstances they were faced with afterwards, the surviving ones were turned into luxury pets and stripped of their freedom. Free will made them children of God before, so people have forgotten all about the "God" who couldn't answer their prayers/save them. But, as Mizi says, the belief in God is innate to human nature. You are more likely live in this world successfuly if you have someone to look up to or a reason to survive.
When God seems so far away and so cruel...what they can do is look to each other as their "Gods". Because a belief in God is ultimately, a cry for salvation and acceptance...."The Bible makes it clear that “God is love” (1 John 4:8). He isn't just loving, but he is the very definition of love."Therefore, all characters are, in some way, looking for salvation and being constantly tested and brutally being forced to show off their humanity through the lens of how love affects them - and not at the privacy of their inner thoughts or anything. All of that in order to portray different aspects of "love", adoration and what it means to be human. To have a belief on the unseen - "what is essential is invisible to the eye".
IT'S ALIEN AMERICAN IDOL MEETS DANGANRONPA. WHOO.
(gOD I wish we could have gotten Luka vs Sua or vs Ivan in some way. That feels like it would be extremely close and entertaining to see. Am I losing my humanity? Why is my keyboard slimy? Am I becoming a Segyein ....?)
Of course, because I fell for all those deliciously doomed themes like the good CLAMP/Akasaka foolish nerd I am, I bought patreon access day one. Although some setting details were unexpected, I was pretty satisfied with my overall initial grasp on most of the characters. If you found me through the tags and didn't already follow me, my disclaimer here so you get to know me is that I easily gravitate to polarizing characters or doomed ships like a curse. There are also certain Themes that follow me like a plague and I could see some of my favorite characters' shadows on the doomed kids I liked right away. Like an itch to spot something more to what is being shown.
Therefore right away, Luka and Hyuna caught my eye big time. (literally, when I watched sweet dream I kept pausing and going - whOA WHO IS THE COOL GIRL WITH THE CIG. Wait wait wait show me more of the boy that looks dead inside overstimulated by the flashing lights!)
I don't really have any pretension to be quoted on anything here or say things verbatim (Patreon says it's fine to produce derivative content based on what's there, but as expected, it's enforced not to directly share it so I can't really go argument-evidence here by presenting it) and have only seen pictures of the artbook secondhand by a friend, so I'll have my fun here making commentary loosely based on extra content and sporadically showing off pretty MV captures.
Anyway.
We're introduced to this universe through the jarring cruelty of ROUND 1, contrasting a harmonic, beautiful, lullaby-like melody with a harsh outcome. Like Mizi, unless we got spoiled beforehand, we don't really know anything about what's about to horrifically transpire. And though she got education, it feels like the teachings about what death or the Alien Stage would be like were horribly sugar coated or distorted to her, as incentive to give their best performances - like sacrificing themselves was a good thing. The extra materials back this up with Mizi's first interview about "My Clematis" - it's like they're told they're simply going back to their "origins" entity (The Grand Ankt) and it's a pretty and peaceful thing. We're shown how bad humans have it in their society and simultaneously get a montage of a cute, healthy, heartwarming relationship between the two girls and a deep "pure" love, as well as feel the weight of Sua's sacrifice and how badly it hurts Mizi. You're told that Sua is her God, her Universe in a Godless world - only to have her ripped away and "God" basically slaughtered for cheap entertainment. Some of the extra materials put it as a certain "mutual love" between Sua and Mizi.
It's interesting how we're shown a stage and don't know what to expect at first - since the girls seem "calm" and happy to express their love, but there's an increasing sense of dread until the finality of Sua's death hits and the pretty, shining girl we see in the flashbacks becomes an empty husk. The MVs seem all to be roughly designed around creating a surprise at the end or recontextualizing something we have seen previously.
I won't discuss Till and Ivan at length at this time, because that would get too long and demands it's own post (I sure as hell rewatched Unknown, Black Sorrow and Cure many times though), but the key part for me here is - they similarly express "love", but through another facet - obsession of a one-sided love and the desire to reach salvation or a reason to endure the world because of that, too. To the point of choosing the chance of love over salvation, expressed by Till letting go of Ivan's hand when they had a chance to escape (not wanting to leave Mizi behind most likely) and Ivan's kiss and decision to strangle Till to give his own life in exchange for his/finally getting to express his "shallow emotions" he perceives as something that won't deeply scar Till (but it does, and it mattered, far more than he could ever have known). It's interesting that although Mizi calls Sua a God, they develop something closer to a balanced, mutual relationship, as much as their lack of understanding of "human relationship" allows - they connect deeply. Ivan, according to the comics, sees himself in Sua, but it's deeply frustrating how he couldn't build the same sort of connection with Till and felt like he could only maintain a bond through violence.
Mizi seems to be the only human who was raised in a "stable home" (her alien seems to actually love her closest to a mother), but that's not enough to protect her from pain - after all, the alien's reasoning was that if Mizi likes singing, she should join. Yolo! Your human baby's life is so short! Sounds like outdoor cat owners to me. Ugh. All other pet humans are going through some flavor of parental abuse, and it all reflects in how they express their emotions and what sort of decisions they tend to take.
Till, in contrast to all that, more closely resembles the definition of looking at Mizi like an oshi/idol as a comfort to run from the pains of his life - he always looks hurt or abused, but Mizi is like medicine that even watching from far away makes him feel "saved" due to nurturing that "first love" that is heavily idealized. It's interesting how his character that is first introduced as somewhat violent or wild because of the smashing guitar and "addict"/drug imagery turns out to be one of the most sensitive.
The cloaked figure of Mizi in Blink Gone seems to resemble a saint or Mary (mother) holding a child in her lap as he takes his last breaths. She rushed into the crowd in a desperate attempt to save or at least comfort him in his predicament.Till's final position even resembles that of being crucified.
All that, however, makes Till unable to see Ivan properly - who is constantly around him and yearning for his attention, protecting and loving him in desperate ways that he doesn't realize until the very last minute. He is also seemingly detaching himself from the "real" world as a very "pure" child (shown in the way he loves with full devotion and his artistic inclinations), which of course, makes Ivan painful to face - who is a grounding entity and a reminder of the real world. The one who touches his wounds, who is "there" and not unreachable like a flower at the top of a mountain. That love between Ivan and Till got expressed in a way that was painful to both, but a very human act of a clashing selfish and selfless-ness.
None of them are built for this. They're trying to survive.
So far, what I've got is...Mizi and Sua set a standard of what is closest to a mutual love that was growing together in a relatively equal and healthy way. Ivan and Till were reworked to avoid overlap with them and are chosen to portray the sense of an immature, obsessive love and clashing emotions. It's interesting to me how much the creators stress the "one-sided" and controlling nature of Ivan for behind the scenes, and I feel like this does not mean that Till couldn't possibly return his feelings - after all, the Actor AU does show great chemistry between them. It's more like, within their living conditions and because of the emotional immaturity of both of them, they literally could not see eye to eye - Till looking at an idol out of reach (Mizi), and Ivan choosing to seek out his attention through violent means that confused Till, thus he was unable to respond to the intensity of what he felt and grow into it.
NOW. TO THE MAIN COURSE THAT IS ROTTING MY BRAIN: HYULUKA.
If we've got all those bases covered so far...where does that leave Hyuna and Luka?
(This is the most Mello/Near-like I've ever seen another ship pull off. My inner 13 yo is screaming. They're both incredibly gorgeous. How is a hetero couple simultaneously so BL and yuri-like in DRAMA AND IMAGERY? CLAMP would be proud...)
You see, there's no official answer about the true nature of their bond yet.
But I have a lot of speculations. It clearly looks like a rotten, strangled-by-the-red-string-of-fate sort bond that is just up my alley. THE MOST FUN IS GETTING TO BABBLE BEFORE GETTING AN ASSERTIVE ANSWER. I'm all for making a fool of myself, so let's get down to it.
To put it simply - I believe Hyuna and Luka's role is expressing the extremes of the setting itself and what "to love" means within it, with a turn for the worse and the tragedy of "not understanding" even if there is love.
How do you conquer an oppressive world in which all odds are against you? Would you overtake it through rebellion or would you strike at it from within?
In a world in which God's teachings have become lost to time and difficult to believe, does love strengthen or weaken you? If it causes pain and destruction, can it still be called love?
I think Hyuna and Luka are standing at opposite sides of those beliefs, and cannot understand each other's mindset.
Seems simple enough to write Luka as a mere villain final boss since he seems to be enjoying himself at the evil death game and Hyuna as the nice rebel who wants to save everyone, right? But it's confirmed Hyuna wasn't really trying to rescue more people like she had an opportune moment to do for Mizi.
The artbook also says something incredibly interesting about what the "Luka Syndrome" mentioned in one of the MVs really means - Luka's prestige as a performer is raising the prestige of pet humans. He also believes "Hyuna would be safe with him" - Why is that?
I think they might actually have similar goals and a similar stubborness in which they believe themselves to be the correct one and the other to be pitiful and foolish. Hyuna is trying to overthrow a system that is well-established and has far more power or influence than them, therefore she needs to resort to drastic measures and flashy means to assert dominance over the alien society.
Luka on the other hand, feels like he is using the system against it and exercising his own humanity while at it. Rather than tackling the incredibly daunting task of being a rebel with guns blazing, Luka became a master of the stage in a way that makes humans gain influence and thus become more valuable.Even if I try to think of it as "he's just trying to survive", that doesn't feel enough - because whenever he is not on stage, Luka looks dead inside already.
Especially in the arts he looks like a younger child or teenager, except for the ones after he seems more consistently approached by Hyuna. It's hard for me to think what moves him is a survival instinct. He is also portrayed like the typical "golden kid" syndrome victim - someone so systematically beaten to satisfy their narcissist guardian figure and submitted to so much pain that they eventually absorb part of that mindset as a way to have agency and autonomy over themselves. It gives the illusion of being successful and thus that the abuse was "effective", but it's like a curse that is difficult to break from.
I think both of them are older for a thematic reason. It feels like it could represent what it feels like, as adults, to no longer be able to hold onto naive or idealistic things about the world or society due to ignorance and having to choose a path to express your ideas and reach your goals through your "work".
Hyuna is guns blazing and "adult pleasures" - singing to an underground stage, trying to scrub off the wounds of her past with alcohol, and it's interesting that her guardian alien is portrayed like an "absent" parent figure - they have an interest in humans, but doesn't care about watching Hyuna when she first was eligible for Alien Stage. I wonder if they even are the one looking for her at all - seems to me it's more of an alien police thing because of her "crimes". Under that seemingly "thick" skin though, it seems clear that Hyuna is deeply affected by Luka still, and the loss of her brother. She deals with her wounds by not really dealing with them at all and guess what - it's a weak point. Her song is uplifting and refreshing, but she clearly demonstrates that closing your eyes to trauma and purely moving forward doesn't make them go away. In that sense, Mizi is a way she is trying to "mentor" someone navigate through loss.
I love outcasts and mildly autistic-coded characters, so I gravitated to Sua, Ivan and Luka right away.
(Extroverted cutie and the doomest doomer of the bunch. As a side note, their character design alone and contrast is genius and gorgeous. I'd expect 90% of the time for Luka to be the designated BL character and hardly do I ever see his archetype paired with the sort of sharp, striking beauty that Hyuna has so I definitely got giddy with them right away. She reminds me a lot of Michiko Malando and Luka reminds me of Near, two characters I love a whole lot and funnily enough have the same mbti types the artbook describes them as - ESTP and INTJ. Ankt garden Luka looks somewhat closer to the AU versions of Luka, so gotta love both his origins and his twisted post-alnst/hyuun woo self)
I believe Hyuna bundles Luka with that trauma of grief and loss, and it's still unclear what their roles are in it and after the fact. While singing all in verses "We only get one life, so I'm living mine for me/'Cause I'm the one from your wildest dreams", Luka's face flashes through Hyuna's mind before even her brothers, like it's something that's always on the back of it and barely suppressed.
See...since VIVINOS loves the "more than meets the eye"/twist concept, something I'm expecting is for Hyuna's feelings not to be as black and white as blaming Luka and actually. It obviously was dysfunctional and isn't that....delicious???
I feel like a one-sided love or obsession wouldn't make sense to repeat as themes, and because of the heavy trauma associated in the backstory, it's not like a "healthy mutual love". To bridge the themes of MiziSua and IvanTill, I think Hyuna and Luka are being told in a way to express love as something that can also destroy instead of save, and their clashing ideologies come from a place of wanting to think "-I'M- right and want to be your god", instead of ever having been able to understand each other properly.
They have a similarly "corrupt" love that has a lot of guilt and regret built into it. Even with something awful as what happened to her brother, it's curious that Hyuna's mind first thinks of Luka in an "enamored" light - the scene looks pretty tender - but that's also attached to the weight of Hyun Woo's death.
I think It's likely that the twist is Hyuna having been the one who hurt her brother, even, considering the dynamic in these comics:
Luka and Hyun Woo compete for Hyuna's attention, and it's to be expected that none of them understand the boundaries and definitions of love too well. Hyuna and Hyun Woo seem to be naive and relatively raised in a decent way, submitted to superiority tests like the rest, but not directly abused. They seem to express their love for each other in a cheerful, healthy way, Hyuna probably because of her closeness to her brother (which is unusual for other pet humans to be able to do) is extremely physical in how she shows affection. She doesn't really reprimand Luka, and that creates an unhealthy dynamic in which Luka plays the victim - in spite of starting things - to enjoy Hyuna's attention. There is a cute comic that looks silly, but encapsulates it all:
Luka is a little shit that wants to be pampered. He knows he is physically weaker - if you come across a rabbit being hurt by a wolf, you wouldn't suspect the rabbit provoked it. So Hyuna constantly seems to take Luka's side regardless of what happened, wanting to have that protector role.
Luka on the other hand, has no reference of what it's like to be "loved". He is systematically abused and treated like an object - therefore, he perceives relationships in terms of "ownership". And I don't think Hyuna truly understands just what she is enabling when she encourages Luka to act the way he does or thinks his neediness is "cute".
Honestly, I think there's strong sexual abuse imagery in Luka's art and the presentation of his stage image as someone taking charge of their objectification. His clothing for stage always shows off his body one way or another and both Hyuna and him have this sensual imagery and approach to others, as if "reclaiming one's own body". The contrast of Luka's blank expression and the red collar indicating a mental breakdown in that artwork above featuring Heperu's shadow approaching him is truly chilling.
That boy has no reference of what a familial bond or love is like. And both his introspective nature and abuse seem to make it even worse for him to connect with his peers- in the artbook his only relationships listed are Hyuna and Mizi, in very negative ways. He is also said to have retreated deeper into his own world, because "no one can understand him". Again, checks out with the imagery of "gifted son" that is treated like a narcissistic parent's doll and that becomes desensitized to many things over time.
His alien guardian Heperu even looks vaguely phallic and Luka has body language of "trying to disappear" or soothing himself when not up the stage - hugging knees, looking smaller, sucking on sleeves, stimming with toys (rubik's cube). The scars on his chest seem related to the abuse of submitting him to pain to overcome fear and I theorize the scars on the side may have been for plastic surgery like abdominoplasty or even possibly removing ribs. Normally that would be done from the back, but hey - alien science, and he already had "tainted" scarred skin on the front, so it would make sense to try preserving his back. His waist is drawn really really thin. It's also mentioned that he had a strict diet even though he is a big eater - that is, Heperu is deeply violating his agency in accordance with Lookism.
Luka has all the makings of a really tragic character and reminds me of Kamiki Hikaru's construction in Oshi no Ko. A victim turned abuser in some ways, as a way to seek autonomy, self expression and living for their ideals and love, no matter how twisted it has become.
There's a comic that has a "flashback" of anakt garden and Hyuna being asked by Luka if she likes to sing. The POV of Hyuna's face looks as soft as Luka's does from hers. She tells him that they don't have freedom for anything else, but when she is up at the stage, it's like her life is "her own", so she likes it. The image of Luka singing as an adult suggests that even now, those are the words he pictures and that is the image of Hyuna that is alive in his mind.
In a way, both of them are deeply attached to the past, and while Hyuna wants to shut it down completely and regrets it having happened, Luka's feelings are twisted.
We don't know much about the kiss. Considering the "sucking on forehead" comics, I get the feeling Hyuna was startled by the sudden escalation from Luka acting as a passive, cute pet and jumping her with so much intensity, but may not necessarily have pushed him away. The following fight could either have happened because Hyuna became withdrawn as a result of suddenly becoming aware of the effect she was having on Luka and what their feelings for each other were (since previously, she might not have been able to tell the difference between being all over her brother and all over Luka) /or/ the scenario played out like the forehead sucking. She didn't dislike it, but Luka became insistent or they got caught in a way that Hyuun Woo had no context for, thus assuming Luka was forcing her.
And there is a third option too that now I think about it, seems the /most/ likely: the growing proximity to Hyuna made Luka's feelings of "wanting ownership and exclusivity" even deeper because of love and lust, as simply being assured he is "loved" doesn't seem to be enough for Luka. It could be that Hyuna in fact disliked his attempt of kissing her and became more distant to him. Thus, he orchestrated for Hyuna to take his side once again for validation in a reckless way - but the results were "better than he thought" when it resulted in Hyuun Woo's death. Because, that is a price so heavy that it feels like "wow, you actually chose me".
This scene is super interesting, I love Luka's expression. It's joyful in a "perverse" way. He was successful in trapping his beloved Hyuna. And it seems that the emotion is so intense, like he is finally free from the mask of pitiful wounded animal with no agency over himself that the sheer ecstasy might have caused a seizure or heart attack, hence his eyes looking glassy afterwards and his fingers finally turning the blue/purple hue we see on his older design.
Skimming through the patreon posts, I was pleasantly surprised to realize my gut feeling about Ivan and Luka having a similar core wasn't wrong. Sua in comparison is the scenario of someone who doesn't go off to the deep end as the two of them. It's often stressed that the team was worried about establishing Luka and Ivan as distinguishable - their personalities are similar, but their masks are different. Ivan presents himself as the "big bro", while actually being a boy struggling with properly expressing emotions that went as far as practicing smiles and expresions at the lake. Whereas Luka is like a porcelain doll and passive - austere, even...but what about his real self?
We're cleverly prevented from seeing an introductory MV for Luka, as round 4 doesn't happen. And for the subsequent videos, Luka shows himself partially by not disclosing his POV, but showing important sides of himself - the urge to control and the attempts to "become whatever is desired of him". A blank slate.
In a sense, that's implying to me Ivan and Luka's stage presence is an expression of their "inner selves", where their feelings and thoughts become bare. Ivan does so by casting aside his big bro warmth and stepping in as the image of a serious-faced, strongly devoted man that is coming apart at the seams with the weight of his immaturity, sadness, love and obsession.
Luka's stage presence is a distant cry from his image of passiveness and class behind the scenes. On stage, he is a seasoned performer and a calculating prince that enjoys pulling the strings to reach the ideal performance as seen in his inner world. He cunningly displays a different expression between the audience and his partners to achieve the ideal results. Luka acts like both a director and an actor while performing, in order to construct his vision - He's bold, confident and invades people's personal spaces.
(What a condescending little shit. I love him. His expression seems to be saying something like..."Done already? Hmph. I expected more of you. You need to do something for me to do my part and shine, too."
A point I theorize about Ruler of My Heart - Hyuna says in the artbook, I think, that Mizi reminds her of herself. Luka would be able to pick up on that also, especially since Mizi had just been broken by the loss of the one she loved most and formerly had that spark of "hope and dreaming high" in her eyes. Luka may have chosen the song specifically to have Mizi recreate the "role of Hyuna" envisioned for it - as in, he never expected her to be obedient at all. He was riling her up to feel what Hyuna might have responded like to this song. But the Hyuna in his idealization is probably "blazing, absolute and strong" - instead of shutting down and giving up singing. Mizi lets herself get intimidated by his provocation into silence, but when she loses it to punch him in the face with no regard for the consequences - like Hyuna surely would do - is when he finally smirks. It's also a mockery of letting emotions take her over, securing his win and further reinforcing he is "in the right". )
Another interesting tidbit is that Luka's personality isn't of the ethereal "pitiful-but-nice" character, but rather something that "fits VIVINOS taste". He is also compared frequently to Ivan in personality/mindset, who is described as a "bad boy" with a possessive/manipulative streak. If the sides of Ivan we get to see that related to Till are fairly tame and the team worries so much about contrast, that seems to imply that Luka embraces the more extreme parts left out of Ivan.
Even more interesting than that is the core of Luka's character inspiration - "the little prince", which I assume most people have read before. It's a children's book about an adult meeting a little prince from space and basically sharing life lessons.
If we look a little beyond the "cute blond kid"/moon motif...the most striking aspect about the Little Prince is probably the idea of the rose and the fox. The immature prince is taught the concept of love and responsibility by a wild fox - that to tame someone is to make them unique, and it's the time spent nurturing that love that makes it precious. The prince had been frustrated by a Rose he thought he loved, but grew annoyed by because he could not understand her. He also was confused upon realizing there were many roses in the universe, but his was too selfish and flawed. So is she not as unique as he thought? He starts missing the rose, and learns that there IS a difference - none of the roses are "his" or sound like "his" - because if they have tamed each other, going forward, he isn't just any little boy to his rose anymore - he is "the" boy, and she is "the" rose, unique in the universe.
This feels extremely relevant to a character presented as a "product" of gene editing and, basically, being created in a lab. The implication to me is that there may be many other "Luka"-like humans - the vast array of congenital diseases he manifests such as heart disease, Raynaud syndrome, asthma and chronic migraine all make him sound like their universe's equivalent of a white pug dog with dubious origins to boot.
What makes that test tube baby, raised by a ruthless alien that doesn't care about him as more than a way to vicariously live a life of success and luxury, unique in that case?
Love.
And my take is that, the fox and rose to his little prince are the siblings Hyun Woo and Hyuna.
(I'm suddenly reminded of the Vanitas no Carte Louis-Domi-Noé trio. Why do those never end well?)
IMO the rift created between Hyuna's brother and Luka wasn't necessarily there from the start. Before getting more strongly attached or opening up to Hyuna, Luka looks extremely detached. Hyuna's brother looked like the picture of excitement and youth, so it feels like he could have reached out to the quiet boy first and Hyuna tagged along. The settings mention something along the lines of Hyuna not quite being the origin of the "dreamer" outlook, but being inspired by her brother, and I can picture it.
Hyuna's MV All in and her relationship with Mizi painted to me the picture of a girl that is naturally attractive - her drive and sunny disposition are simply dazzling. But, underneath, there seems to be "something" doesn't it? I think Hyuna's charm comes from a mix of strength and vulnerability. She seems like the type of person to cope with humor and being flirty in order to lift people's moods and surprise them, but Hyuna herself can have quite heavy and serious feelings. The somber look suits her, and it's overall impressive that she didn't completely break because of her brother. It's like her innate talent for performing draws people to her, but at the same time she can sustain an illusion of "closeness", her true worries and wounds are kept deep inside and she doesn't let others truly see into her.
So.
What's shown in Blink Gone to me is that Luka's not merely surviving a death game, he is enjoying the show and trying to feel alive. To someone like him that probably already feels dead inside all the time and was "abandoned" by Hyuna, there is nothing much to look forward to. We don't know what happened between Hyuun Woo's death and their first alien stage run (quite a lot, since Hyuna even lost a leg) ot the timing of their relationship fall out. Given their memories and image of eachother, it does seem to be implied they were already going separate ways right after the incident.
It's likely that what connects Luka to Hyuna's memory the most is the feeling of performing itself - the one time he gets to be free. Luka acts like he is superior to the other pet humans for having "figured out" the system and feeding into it, and looks down on them for having no control over their emotions. But does he really have total control over his own?
In spite of all the abuse he embraced as his own will or believing he could truly get any power by playing the game according to its rules and "overcoming fear", someone as unpredictable and impulsive as Till is the natural enemy of someone like Luka. He had the upper hand as long as it stayed within his plan, but Till suddenly going as far as going back to the green light indicator was worrisome. Luka's Stamina is actually rather crappy, so if Till did decide to go all out, he might have been cooked.
I think, to Luka, it's probably about more than keeping himself alive. And Till flipping the game then would have made him waste his life on a performance that was supposed to be easy -and- it must be annoying that Till strayed off-script. My hypothesis is that he wants to reach out to Hyuna, still - either by increasing the influence of humans to shift the world closer to the one she envisioned, or by putting his life in the line at the stage as many times as possible to feel the "weight" of her presence as if she still were by his side or to grow so famous that she cannot ignore or escape him.
Deliciously hypocritical of him to look down on others so much, when Hyuna's unannounced presence shook him so badly he turned his back to the stage and stared at her with an expression we'd never seen before.
My take is that her walking in like this is seriously the worst scenario to him. Luka expresses in the artbook that he pities Hyuna and that her safety would have been guaranteed with him, so - because of his influence - I think he might actually have gone to the Alien Stage again to secure his power status AND request to keep Hyuna out of it. A condescending sort of domestication we know she would hate, but would keep her safe.
But see. Even if she wasn't under his care, being out there causing a ruckus is one thing - she's alive and kicking, not really in the slaughterhouse. He can live with that. So, he sings to his heart's content. And...
His sneering that people are suuuch rookies at controlling their emotions...
Sooo weak to let their emotions and regrets dominate them and make them lose sight of the stage, compared to his Super Competent self that can overcome fear and control his own heart rate...
All came back to bite him in the ass, like an idiot.
All other characters were pitted against their worst case nightmare scenario, and I doubt the Prince will be an exception. I really don't think his type of obsessive is wanting to be superior to or beat Hyuna at performing either, even if it's his guardian's mindset (it seems Heperu feels inferior to Hyuna's guardian and adopted Luka simply as a means of beating him - so seems very possible he will push for having the two face off and prove Luka's "superiority").
No matter what he does now, it's either Hyuna against Mizi at the risk of death or Hyuna against him. Hyuna's a wanted criminal - there is absolutely no talking a way out of that one. Not only that, Hyuna's bleeding from her wound already. Luka facing against Hyuna as the second time champion would mean being forced to choose - keep rulling the stage, or chose the one who was his guiding light in the first place?
The imagery from the sweet dream opening (as well as Luka having covered that song) is "release" - Luka dying at Hyuna's hand even if it's not something she can truly do with pleasure, no matter how much she copes with her past wounds by hating him. I wonder if it's a red herring or if it will play out, I particularly want whatever will allow to explore their character, feelings and motivation the deepest.
I don't think Hyuna wandered onto the stage for his sake - it seems like it's for Mizi, who is completely frozen. Hyuna probably has up until now coped with hating Luka because he represented everything she was rebelling against - the "system" itself. A nasty cog in the engine of the aliens who, even if not directly, ultimately were the cause of the entire context that stripped her away of her freedom and lead to her precious brother's death.
However...
My guess to what's happening here isn't "wow your outfit is so slutty" or "you've grown". It's more like...Luka suddenly looks too human.
He wasn't supposed to.
...Phew. That's all for now. The ADHD gets strong when I'm talking about something that tickles my brain, so I hope that wasn't too messy/unintelligible to follow with the back and forth jumping timelines or repeating points of interest I did.
Well! I really, really wish there was more for me to keep going, but for now I'll live with overthinking with what we have. I might do separate analysis/speculation for the MVs if I have a deadline I'm procrastinating on come up the time.
Bottom line is, I think all those characters are very interesting, but Hyuluka are the ones I'm rotating like a rotisserie chicken in my mind. Plz hurt me more VIVINOS team and thanks for the good fucking food
#longpost#alnst#all ships mentioned in a way or another#but i'm a#hyuluka#truther#meta#nana rambles#alien stage#the sign i'm getting into something new i'm hyperfixating is writing the messiest review possible#alnst spoilers#spoilers#hyunluka#turns out I felt like unpacking a lot of thoughts first#luka black sorrow cover when#IVAN BLINK GONE WHEN#alnst luka#alnst hyuna
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I've looked at the numbers. I want to apologize to all people of color, but especially to black men and women who fought so hard. You did your part. You showed up, and you did the right thing. I'll never get over the way white women voted against themselves and by extension, against every marginalized group in the US. The last numbers I saw showed 47% of white women voters went to Kamala, so try to remember that you are loved and valued by some. I'm in a dark place and trying to fight my way out. I have my own fears for myself as well as for all LGBTQ, immigrants, non-white people, and anyone else who doesn't conform. I hope to reach a point where I can resist and continue to fight for all of us, but for now, know you are loved and I'm sorry we didn't have the numbers show up like you did. I wish I had the power to make it alright.
*I'm tagging 911-related stuff for now because I love you guys, and I know there is a lot of diversity in the group.
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