#and like. i feel like the stakes won't be as high with them so. again. it's as good a time as any to take a breather so to say

[idkyetxoxo]

Daemon Targaryen - Atonement

Summary - Power and pride unfold as Daemon is brought low by his arrogance. In this charged moment of dominance and desire, he must prove his worth while confronting the cost of his reckless words. Submission is the only path to salvation—and the stakes are dangerously high.

Pairing - Daemon Targaryen x reader

Warnings - Sexual content (oral f!receiving)

Word count - 2503

Masterlist for Daemon • House of the Dragon General Masterlist.

"Do you want me back?" I asked, arms crossed as I leaned back against the worn velvet of the settee. 

The room was dim, the flickering candlelight casting shifting shadows on the walls, but my voice was clear and unyielding. 

I was beyond the point of pretending to care—or so I wanted him to believe. 

"Say it," I demanded, eyes narrowing with a cold glimmer as Daemon Targaryen fell to his knees before me.

The sight was almost laughable—the rogue prince feared and revered in equal measure, brought low. To many, this scene would have been unthinkable. He, the fire-blooded scion of dragons, reduced to this. 

But I knew better. This was not just humiliation—it was a desperate man's one last gamble. His fingers curled into fists against the rug as he bowed his head, refusing to meet my gaze.

"I want you back," he said hoarsely, his voice trembling with emotion. "Please." The word cracked in the air like brittle glass, his pride bleeding from every syllable. 

He avoided my eyes, unable to face the abyss he'd been pushed into.

I studied him, unblinking, savouring the power that coursed through me. This was what I had warned him about. 

I had drawn the line clearly: disrespect me, and I would walk away. 

There were no idle threats between us. And when he had dared to shame me before his precious Goldcloaks, I made good on my word. 

Now, he knelt before me, feeling every ounce of that consequence.

"Say it again." My voice was soft, almost tender—a deceptive whisper of steel. I held his gaze this time, forcing him to lift his head. 

I wanted to see the hopelessness dance in his eyes, to watch him unravel.

"Please," he breathed, his desperation now laid bare. "I want you back." His chest heaved, the words drawn out of him with all the weight of a dying man's final plea.

A smirk tugged at my lips, and I allowed myself a low, mocking laugh. 

"Gods, you're pretty when you beg," I murmured, taking perverse pleasure in his helplessness. The room seemed to tighten around us, the air thick with a stifling, electric tension. 

He stared at me, as if searching for any shred of mercy I might spare him.

Slowly, I leaned forward, letting my fingers trace the line of his jaw. His breath caught, and I could see the raw vulnerability in his eyes, an emotion he rarely allowed himself to show. 

"Maybe," I teased, savouring the way he flinched under my touch, "but begging won't be enough."

His expression shifted—a war waged within him. Pride clashed with longing, but desperation won out. His shoulders slumped, and a glimmer of defeat softened his features. 

"Convince me," I whispered, my words curling around him like a silk noose. "Prove to me that you're not just desperate for a fleeting moment of forgiveness. Show me you're willing to fight."

He swallowed hard, his Adam's apple bobbing in his throat. 

"Convince me," I pressed, my voice an unforgiving melody. "Convince me that losing me would be a fate worse than any you've ever faced."

For a moment, the silence threatened to swallow us both. He closed his eyes, grappling with the weight of what I'd demanded. 

When he opened them again, his gaze was raw, his desperation more potent than before. 

"Please," he implored, the words scraping his throat. "I can't bear the thought of losing you. I'll do whatever it takes. Just... don't let me go."

Triumph sparkled in my eyes, but I kept my expression cool. "That's more like it," I purred, leaning back, savouring the small victory I'd won over him. 

"Now, let's see how far you're truly willing to go, Prince."

A flicker of determination ignited behind the vulnerability. "I promise you," he vowed, his voice gaining strength. "Not with empty words, but with every action, every breath—I will fight for us. Losing you is a fate I will never accept."

His resolve sent a thrill through me. 

"Good," I whispered, a smile playing at my lips. "Then prove it."

His desperation thickened the air, weighing every word he spoke, every breath he took. For a moment, I let the silence stretch between us, savouring his discomfort. 

Finally, he looked up, a glimmer of defiance mingling with the need in his eyes. "What would you have me do?" he asked, voice taut with the strain of his surrender. 

There was no hint of bravado now, just a hollow shell of the man who once thought himself untouchable.

I leaned back, feigning contemplation. My eyes never left him, and I knew he felt the burn of my scrutiny. 

"What was it you said to your Goldcloaks?" I asked, letting each word drop like stones into the heavy silence. His face paled slightly, and for a moment, I thought he might refuse to answer. 

But this was not the place for defiance, and he knew it.

He shifted uncomfortably, the proud prince reduced to a man cornered by his own foolishness. His jaw worked, his mouth opening and closing, but no words came out. 

"I'm asking a question, Daemon." My voice was ice, slicing through his hesitance. "Say it."

He stared at the ground, shame colouring his cheeks. "I said..." He faltered, voice a hushed rasp. "I said I would never... go down on a woman. No matter how sweet she was."

The admission hung between us, and I felt a cruel satisfaction as his words echoed back at him, stripped of their bravado. 

"Right," I said, drawing the word out. "And why was that said, Daemon?" 

I leaned forward, pressing him with the same relentless intensity I had felt when he first uttered those words to his men.

He looked away, his shoulders hunched. "I didn't mean it," he mumbled, barely audible. "I just wanted to seem..."

I cut him off, my voice cold and mocking. "Powerful? Feared?" I leaned in closer, the faintest hint of a smile curling at my lips. "Well, Daemon Targaryen, you are a liar. Because we both know you've tasted plenty of sweetness."

His eyes darted back to mine, a mixture of shame, frustration, and something darker. 

My words were a whip across his pride, a reminder of every whispered night, every unspoken promise made in the dark. I held his gaze, unyielding, and let him simmer in the weight of it all.

"Was it worth it?" I continued, my voice softer but no less deadly. "A fleeting moment of posturing before your men? A lie to paint yourself as untouchable, when in truth, you've knelt at my feet more times than I can count?" I leaned in, my breath warm against his cheek. 

"Tell me, Daemon, how does it feel to be exposed like this?"

His jaw clenched, and for a moment, I thought he might lash out. But instead, he bowed his head, the weight of his choices pressing down on him. 

"It was never worth losing you," he whispered, each word laced with regret. "I was a fool."

"More than a fool," I corrected, my tone merciless. "You were reckless. And now, you will pay the price for every careless word."

"Whatever it takes," he vowed, his voice raw, stripped of every last ounce of pride. "Just tell me how to make it right."

A small smile played at my lips. "You'll know soon enough," I murmured, tracing a finger down his cheek. "But for now, I want you to remember the taste of this moment—what it means to beg for what you once thought was beneath you."

He nodded, silent, and I knew he understood. There was no redemption without suffering, no forgiveness without penance. This was only the beginning.

The silence between us grew heavy, laden with his shame and my cold satisfaction. 

Daemon's head remained bowed, and I relished in watching him squirm under the weight of his own reckless words. 

"Please," he whispered, his voice rough with desperation. "Let me prove it to you. My words... they meant nothing. I was lying. I was a fool. I never thought you'd overhear or find out."

I leaned back, crossing my arms as if considering. Inside, my pulse quickened, heat blooming beneath my skin despite the icy mask I wore. 

I wanted to deny him, to make him grovel longer—but the sight of him like this, stripped of his pride and pleading for redemption, sent a thrill through me that I couldn't ignore. 

I took a slow, measured breath and uncrossed my legs deliberately, letting my gaze linger on him.

"Fine," I said, at last, the word slipping past my lips with cool detachment. I feigned disinterest, even as desire pooled low in my belly. "But understand this, Daemon—this is not forgiveness. This is your chance to prove just how empty your words were."

His eyes shot up to meet mine, wide with a mix of hope and fear. He moved closer, instinctively drawn to me, but I raised a hand, halting him in his tracks. 

"Slowly," I commanded my voice a whisper of silk over steel. "You do not touch until I say you may."

He swallowed hard, nodding, and I saw the faintest tremor in his hands. This was a man used to power and control, now utterly at my mercy. 

He inched forward, his movements measured, and I leaned back into the cushions, watching his every step. The room seemed to contract around us, every heartbeat, every breath, magnified by the tension coiled tight between us.

I tilted my chin, a cruel smile playing at the corners of my lips. "Show me, then," I said softly, an edge of challenge in my tone. "Show me that your words were hollow."

For a moment, he hesitated—just a heartbeat. Then he knelt before me again, the fire of determination mingling with the desperate need in his eyes. 

"I will," he murmured, his voice low and trembling. "I'll show you."

Slowly, reverently, his hands moved to my ankles. He glanced up, seeking permission, and I gave the barest nod. 

His fingers were gentle as they traced the curve of my calf, then slid upward, his touch feather-light, as if he feared I would shatter beneath him. I fought to keep my breathing even, to maintain the veneer of control—but inside, I was burning.

Daemon leaned closer, his breath hot against my skin as he pressed a kiss to the inside of my knee. He moved with a mixture of hesitation and fervour, each touch a plea, each kiss an apology. 

I felt his lips against my thigh, soft but insistent, and a shiver rippled through me.

"Is this what you said you'd never do?" I whispered, my voice tight. I saw the way his jaw clenched, the way he fought to contain his pride and obey. 

"Show me how much of a liar you are, Daemon."

He exhaled, a shuddering breath, before he pressed his lips lower, tasting me with a reverence that belied the arrogance he once displayed. His mouth was warm, and he moved with a blend of desperation and worship. 

I tangled my fingers in his hair, pulling him closer, forcing him to deepen his surrender. 

The air crackled with tension, and I revelled in every second of his degradation, every flicker of desire that betrayed his need.

"You're good at this," I taunted, my voice breathy despite myself. "For someone who claimed otherwise."

He paused, his eyes blazing with a mix of humiliation and raw yearning. "I was wrong," he rasped, his voice shaking. "I'll prove it to you, over and over, until you believe me."

I let out a low laugh, the sound vibrating through both of us. "We'll see, Daemon," I said, a dangerous promise in my words. "We'll see how far you're willing to go to earn my forgiveness."

And then I let him continue, knowing he would give everything, knowing he would not stop until I was convinced. 

In that moment, I held all the power—and I intended to savour every bit of his fall from the lofty pedestal he once stood upon.

His lips brushed lower, the heat of his breath mingling with my skin and making every nerve ignite. 

The moment hung between us, heavy and laden with unspoken promises, and when his mouth fully claimed me, there was nothing delicate about it. 

He devoured me with the hunger of a man who'd kept himself restrained far too long. 

Each flick of his tongue, every rough and tender movement, spoke of a desperation he could no longer deny. It was as if he sought to etch his submission into my flesh, to make me feel every ounce of the humiliation and pride he grappled with.

I gripped his hair tighter, feeling the silky strands slip between my fingers. The sensation of having him so utterly at my mercy made me dizzy with a sense of power that was almost intoxicating. 

I angled myself, demanding more, and he complied instantly, his mouth working tirelessly, the warmth of his tongue drawing gasps from me that I barely recognized as my own. 

Each flicker and press seemed to map out every tremble, every quiver I couldn't suppress. 

He was a contradiction of roughness and reverence, and it felt as if he was pouring all of himself—his resentment, his shame, and his desire—into this act.

"Good," I hissed, my voice jagged, designed to pierce and praise in equal measure. "I want you to feel it, Daemon. Every bit."

His eyes met mine for a heartbeat, the intensity there staggering, as if he understood every nuance of my words. And then he closed them again, giving himself over completely. 

There was no hesitation, no holding back as he used his lips, tongue, and teeth to push me further and further into oblivion. His hands, strong and sure, pressed into my thighs, keeping me anchored to him. 

There was no escape, and I had no desire for it. I wanted him to consume me—and he did.

The way he moved was calculated, deliberate, but there was a ragged edge to it, too, like he was being undone along with me. 

When his tongue traced patterns that felt designed to undo me, a groan escaped me, raw and broken. He paused just enough to murmur words that were lost to the haze of pleasure, but the vibration alone was enough to bring me to the brink. 

His humiliation became his offering, and he lavished me with it until I was trembling.

"Prove it," I managed to bite out, the words ragged, daring. And he did—over and over until nothing else existed but the heat, the pressure, and the way he unravelled me with a skill that belied every proud word he once spoke. 

The room around us faded, leaving only his mouth and the all-consuming fire between us.

I shattered, gasping his name, feeling his pride crumble with each ragged breath. And as he drew out every last tremor with his mouth still against me, I knew that I would take more. 

This was just the beginning of his fall—and my ascent to the height of our twisted exchange.

A/n - Love writing Daemon begging xx

[theophagie-remade]

Pov switch to one of the minor fights that we haven't seen yet... *grabby hands*

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

july 2024 savanaclaw + 4koma manga updates

There's no Episode of Octavinelle chapter this month! It should also be noted that the next chapter for the Episode of Savanaclaw won't be out until DECEMBER. With that news out of the way, let's get into this month's updates ^^ (It's a lot of me screaming)

Aaaaaah, I'll never get over how pretty this mangaka draws Leona's eyes and hair 😳 LIKE LOOK AT THAT HEAD TURN BACK SHOT, DOES HE NOT LOOK LIKE HE'S A MODEL MAKING A TURN ON THE CATWALK???? ?? ? ????? ? ?? Vil... eat your heart out 🤡 (This probably is not what I should be focusing on in a chapter full of action and high stakes qwegkuvqwoevqwdsa)

The way the other characters are reacting to Leona's UM really lets us see how powerful King's Roar is! You can see how their bodies are being pushed back by the sandstorm, how they're physically bracing themselves against it (like Riddle, Ace, and Grim) or even having their vision obscured and struggling to breathe in the new dry environment (like Deuce).

I didn't share them here, but we also see Leona blowing through many Savanaclaw mobs. The sheer magnitude of power on display is really amazing--and I can see why his UM sparks fear in others.

AYO RUGGIE YOU GO He leaps at Leona and attaches himself to his dorm leader in an attempt to try and get him to stop...

(Warning: lot of barking incoming)

HUH????? ? ? ? ? ?? ? ? RUGGGIEIEKZ/???? ? ? ?? ?? ? ? v LEONAKL88onanasan???a?A/a/a///A//???????v? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ?ohy mMYG FUFDSKDCKCIUNG GOAFKDk dsmdasnkdfsjlbyadosibiyoadsobadfbiyoegwofaegsouqetqfe LE*inAIBN na GRABBED HJSJUIJN IM BYT THE FFUCKINGGF F NNEDCKKKK>>>>>>????v?v?v??v?v?v?v? 😱 LOOkm at thhHOW RUgigie'es sa FACE AIj ssamS BREAKJGN???? ?? ? ? ? ? ? ? GSITHE SKING IS CRACKIXNG GFAN D TURNING NTO SAND ANDN LOEONA JUST DONES'T JBI EF VE A SINGLE SHITAS RUGIGIE SI WRITHTING OVER HERB E OTL

It's not like seeing Ruggie in this state is anything new; the dialogue hints at it in the game and the light novel also has an illustration of Ruggie with his skin cracking from Leona's UM. It's just... something about seeing it depicted across multiple frames + the sheer desperation in Ruggie's face (and the close-ups, MAN, the close-ups) really amplifies the emotions.

THIS IS LITERALLY THE SASUKE CHOKE MEME, ID ON'T TKNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR TO CRY OR TO BE WORRIED FOR TRUGIGIE

MAYBE ALL THREE 😭😭😭

DAHLBEFQBOUFQEYVIQEFYFQEBIPFOA But also there's a part of me screeching about L*ona gripping your neck like that while glaring at you like you're garbo 🤡

Here's the part where Riddle attempts to collar Leona and fails. Again, I MUST stress how well this mangaka draws Leona's hair and eyes, they are UNMATCHED.

OKAY FIRST IT WAS HUGGING RUGGIE'S NECK, NOW YOU'RE GRIPPING HIM BY THE HAIR????? Leona's handling the perceived traitor so callously 💦 The way Ruggie is looking back up at him, too... Caught up in Leona's shadow and glaring at him with such defiance... declaring that he will never EVER give up.., contrasted with how broken and empty Leona looks before he lets go of Ruggie... telling him to just give into despair… It's a lot of complicated feelings going on right now. As the Savanaclaw light novel elucidates, Leona was afraid of his own dorm members looking to him for leadership, afraid that they would make him hopeful again--because he expects to be let down like he has all those other times he tried to prove his merits. Now everything leading up to this point has proven him right, toppled that hope he had built up because he let himself be taken in by the starry eyed students under him, Ruggie included. AND NOW LOOKING AT RUGGIE, ON THE GROUND AND IN DESPAIR, IS A REFLECTION OF LEONA'S OWN FEELINGS... BUT HE WON'T LET HIMSELF CRY OR BE WEAK LIKE THAT 💀

WOW UH This feels really different from how the same "Leona tried to sand Ruggie" scenes played out in other interpretations of TWST. Here, we more clearly see that, despite the interruption of Riddle trying to collar Leona (which made Leona drop Ruggie for a second), LEONA JUST TURNS RIGHT BACK AROUND AND FULLY COMMITS TO SANDING RUGGIE????? That's so stone cold 😭 Look at the lack of care in Leona's eyes???? They're so blank, he has entirely given up :((

What a way to end a chapter...

Now for a complete tonal shift--

This month's 4koma (there's only one "segment") stars Sebek, who is receiving praise from Crewel for having the top exam score! Ace and Sebek proceed to work on Enigmics/Magic Analysis together. They are stated to share this class together in the game, so that's a consistent bit of lore for ya! In the end, Sebek's able to pull a transportation spell by visualizing where Malleus is. He earns an apple from Crewel for being a "good boy"!! Sebek is then asked to teleport the apple to Malleus and Lilia to demonstrate his mastery of the skill, but accidentally teleports a ton of them.

That's it for this month! A little less content than usual, but still quite substantive. We're getting down to the wire; soon we'll see both Leona and Azul's OBs!!

[alchely]

My Top Gallavich fics

So, under the advice of the lovely @iangallagherisadeadman I've decided to compile a favorites Gallavich fic list along with a brief rec of each, this won't be a strict top 10 cause I'm not gonna torture myself into excluding some of these stories on some made-up self imposed arbitrary rules.

A bunch of disclaimers: most of these fics are long fics, going from 30k words up, I'm not purposefully excluding shorter fics, I have read plenty of them, but they do have a harder time sticking in my head months after reading.

Most of these fics will be explicit, just read the tags on the fic itself if you want to find out more.

Some of these fics don't have links because the authors chose to lock them and as such make them unlinkable, in order to read them you will need to go through the author's page while you're logged in your AO3 account.

This ended up ballooning out of control and is A LOT longer than ten fics, I apologize in advance :p.

YOU'LL NEVER SEE US AGAIN – spoonfulstar - 231k words

Mickey and Ian have been students at Marceline boarding school their whole lives, as their time at the institute draws toward the end they will start to discover many things, about themselves, about each other and about the world they live in.

THIS FIC! I CRIED! The number of fanfiction that are able to make me cry can be counted on a singular hand, the emotional stakes get higher and higher as the story goes on, leading to a beautiful and bittersweet climax.

This story will make you think and feel deeply about topics you'd never think a shameless fic would delve into.

I am obsessed with Mickey in this fic, he and Ian grow up in an environment that could not be more removed from South Side Chicago and yet his personality is still so recognizably and distinctly Mickey.

The story goes very dark at times, and the fic itself could be considered lengthy, but I assure you the author has made sure to not make you feel it. Those 200k words flowed so well the story did not feel long at all.

HELP ME (TEAR DOWN MY REASON) – wehangout - 34k words

Mickey is a detective and Ian becomes a suspect in an investigation except Mickey already knows him because he's his favorite dancer.

This fic falls under the umbrella of fics where “Mickey is so in love with Ian he does something unbelievably crazy”.

Oooh boy, this fic, it's written in second person (yes you've read that right), tbh out of all fics I've read from this author I think this one was the easiest to adjust mentally to the change in perspective.

I loved Mickey’s “love” in this, just… This raw connection to Ian, the perfect cocktail of feelings, I could read that all day long.

IN ANOTHER WORLD – Roryonic - 249k words

Mickey does not get sent to prison at the end of S5, what happens after and how his presence influences future events (mostly Ian, but also every other Gallagher as well as his own family).

As far as I'm concerned this fic is the closest to a perfect S6 and beyond fix-it. The dialogue writing in this story is so close to canon Shameless that I could picture entire scenes in my head with the actors playing the characters, with their body and personality quirks.

Sometimes I find myself describing this fic like it's the actual show's deleted scenes, “Look, Mickey has his own storyline! And Mandy is here! And the existence of Yevgeni does not become a plot hole!”

There are some Mickey lines in this fic that to me are as canon as if they'd been in the show. Absolutely iconic writing.

I love this author so here's a rec of some of their other longfics, however I highly suggest a lot of their other much shorter stuff as well:

BATTLESHIPS AND LOVE BOATS: Ian and Mickey start their “no strings attached” kind of sex relationship a little later than canon but their attraction and love is just as strong. This is a sort of High School AU that turns into a Prison AU that turns into something else and every shift is just as lovely as the next.

YOU SMELL LIKE LOVE: Ian and Mickey are childhood friends, to the point that the rest of the Gallaghers might as well consider Mickey a seventh brother, mmmh, I sure wonder how things will start to change. Look, I never thought I'd love a childhood friends AU for Gallavich yet here I am, if it's good it's good.

ME AND THE DEVIL: Mickey unconsciously calls for a vengeance demon and Ian Gallagher shows up at his door, because Mickey is a stubborn dumbass they fall in love instead. This story has a lot of twists and turns and the premise is only the very beginning of the story. I LOVED it!

THE INCREASINGLY POOR DECISIONS OF IAN GALLAGHER – Shamelessquestions - 309k words

Ian is a dancer in a club, he accidentally gets involved in the affair of a dangerous mafia don, but the true danger is the attraction he and the mafioso’s right hand Mickey feel for each other as soon as they meet.

What. A. Classic. Truly, an unforgettable story, and I don't mean this in hyperbole, I read this story around… 2016/2017 during my second round in the Shameless fandom, then I read countless other fics in a lot of other fandom and yet this story was the only one that my mind retained from back then, to the point that I could still remember some of the finer details as well as the final plot twists when I came back to reread it.

The plot is constructed beautifully and the original characters (part of the Shamelessquestions fanfiction universe, as they come back time and time again in every one of their AU to fulfill their role in the story) are just as vibrant.

What a story, truly.

Favorite original character in this AU: Sal, his downfall is so satisfying and yet so pitiful to read.

TEENAGERS SCARE THE LIVING SHIT OUT OF ME – Mellow_Yellow - 221k words

Ian finds something scary and calls Mickey for help, even though they had only reconnected that very day after two years of not seeing each other. Together, they get sucked into a situation they weren't at all prepared for. Can they even admit that they're in over their head?

The very beginning of this fic is SO cinematic it grabbed my interest from the very first scene and didn't let go until the end, DO NOT search for spoilers.

The only warning I'll give is that it does deal with a bit of gore and what I'm personally gonna define as slight psychological horror. That's it. Enjoy!

BROKE STRAIGHT BOYS – dancermk - 66k words

Mickey becomes a porn actor for a site where he has to pretend he's straight and not enjoying the copious amount of gay sex he's having on camera, enter Ian, another actor under the same agency and their off the chart physical chemistry.

This story has, needless to say, some really, really good smut. I especially loved their first time together, but every sex scene in this story is seared in my mind.

ETHERIZED AGAINST THE SKY – Snarfle - 213k words

So, I debated whether I should add this fic or not, but I think if there is one fic that will stay in my mind long after this Shameless binge of the past couple of months it's this one, and it should absolutely become one of those fic that everyone in the fandom should read.

After Mickey gets shot by Kash his life takes a completely different direction and he ends up in a group home where, through many difficult times, he turns his life around.

So many iconic moments in this fic, some funny as fuck, some sad, some so absurd that I'm surprised they weren't lifted straight from Shameless, one so gruesome in the very first chapter that I was surprised to have such a visceral feeling from just words on a screen. Yeah, this story will stay with me for a long time.

OLD RULES FOR NEW SIDE PIECES – Shamelessquestions - 217k words

Ian is a Fed and he spots Mickey looking suspicious in an art museum, the mutual attraction is overwhelming, Mickey is not what he seems and Ian is already with someone else, but that's not gonna stop him from pursuing what he and Mickey have.

Putting it as bluntly as I can, this fic made me face the realization that I love cheating fics (if the cheating happens to someone else to bring together the endgame couple). I have already reread this fic twice and I could probably go for another one and not get tired of it, it's that good, and out of all this author's fics it's probably my favorite.

Favorite original characters in this AU: It's a three way tie between Dre, Ivan and Carrie, they're all very captivating in this story.

Other fic from this author I'd recommend cause I really love their style:

LOST IN TRANSLATION: Ian meets a very attractive man while he's in Ukraine who doesn't speak English, a mere language barrier won't stop him from flirting for hours. (adorable)

YOU MAKE ME FEEL HUMAN – Dragona - 66k words

Ian is an assassin, he meets Mickey and thus begins a very sick love story.

To say I'm obsessed with this fic is an understatement, I suggest to everyone to just go read the original author’s own description of the fic, it sets the tone of the story magnificently.

This is an Ian Gallagher that almost resembles Jerome (also played by Cameron in Gotham) but like… a slightly more subdued and saner S1/S2 version of him. I love the layers that get peeled right in front of my eyes, the madness that creeps in a bit more every chapter. I LOVE this story.

DRIED INK - 87k words

This fic combines my two favorite Gallavich-specific tropes, one being ‘Mickey comes back from prison after s6, Ian is with someone else’ and ‘Ian cheats on that someone else for Mickey’

I love the Gallaghers in this and how unsurprised they are at Ian going back to Mickey right away. It's a little jewel of a fic.

Mickey tries SO hard to stop himself and Ian in this but their love is too magnetic, they're irresistible to each other.

THE QUESTION OF NORMAL – blue_newman - 92k words

Ian is a prison counselor, Mickey is in prison, they fall in love and it's beautiful and Ian is incredibly devoted to Mickey in this fic and I fell in love with them both in this.

KINDA RAW – catgrassplantdad - 6k

Quite simply this is my favorite short pwp fic.

Illustrating those “five times” in one night that Mickey references in 11x01.

This fic is so hot, I love it <3

QUATERVOIS – DodgerBear - 51k words

Soldier Mickey gets stationed in the middle of nowhere and meets a farmer called Ian who makes him question everything.

Falling under the same umbrella of “Mickey does something crazy for Ian” fics and this is why it stuck in my mind even if it's been a while since I've read it.

I LOVE this story, their dialogues and everything that happens in it. The setting is lovely and you will fall in love with the description of Ian’s farm.

Other fic by the same author that I also loved:

BURDEN OF PROOF: Cop Mickey gets caught in a legal battle between the two oldest Gallagher brothers, something doesn't feel right though…

THE WORDS HE DOESN'T SAY: Mickey is released before Ian in s10 and has to meet a court-mandated therapist. The story is from the therapist POV and goes AU from the beginning of s10 in that Mickey gets involved back into Yev and Svetlana’s life, the dialogue is, quite obviously, the main attraction of the story and it's really well done. (Also, written in first person).

THE MENAGERIE – CrossMyDNA - 147k words

Ian decides to re-explore his bdsm preferences at The Menagerie where he meets sub extraordinaire Mickey on his very first visit.

Shameless is undoubtedly the fandom that opened my eyes to what bdsm could be back in… approx 2016? When that other popular bdsm fic was still around *ahem*.

So it definitely feels like a sign that coming back into the fandom this fic now exists and is SO GOOD.

Obviously it's very explicit, the smut in this fic is one of the best I've ever read.

The chemistry between Ian and Mickey sizzles off the screen and can absolutely be felt even in moments not of the nsfw variety, absolutely recommended!

MICKEY MILKOVICH’S GUIDE TO FLIRTING – whatwouldmickeydo - 40k words

An s2 “missing moments” between Gallavich, completely canon compliant, all under the pretense that Mickey is following a step by step guide to flirting.

I wish this fic was describing canon moments, not kidding a single bit, I wish I could somehow magically manifest these scenes into existence they're that good and fit that well into canon.

M8TE – gallawitch - 53k words

Omegaverse fic where Ian and Mickey both start using an app and end up matching with each other, even though a connection is made almost instinctively, coming to terms with it with a sound mind will take a bit longer…

Hey,had to have at least one of these on here lol

I love omegaverse and this was everything I wanted from it, couldn't have asked for anything better really <3.

SHACKLED – MyRelapse - 19k words

Ian has a change of heart and he decides that Mickey IS the one he wants, even if he's still in prison, so he keeps in contact and goes through every hoop imaginable to have him back as soon as possible.

Reading this made me so happy like I could burst, love it.

WAITING ON MY OWN TOO LONG – Ride4812 - 266k words

This rec more than any other on this list is what I'm gonna consider self indulgent because it covers the trope I always craved to read in such a satisfying way: Canon AU where Mickey comes back from prison after 8 years, Ian has found someone else but the moment the two meet again they fall back into each other right away.

The series is made up of 4 smaller fics:

One more night

Something more this time

No more lonely nights

Ain't this life so sweet

(I will point out here and nowhere else that the last installment of this series has some segment that probably needed to be re-read a couple more times, but by that point I was too invested, and the quality fluctuates a lot only in certain parts)

The writing style is very direct and to the point, which I love, the smut is very present and written beautifully and most importantly never boring.

Ian is a MESS in this fic and had me Stressed™, mostly cause for some reason I can't handle too much casual depiction of drug abuse and addiction (I know, ironic considering the fandom).

Conflicts and resolutions are never clean cut, they don't necessarily resolve quickly or definitely or the way you probably imagine they should and I find this level of realism very satisfying.

Taking a bit of space here at the end to also rec a couple other Ride4812 fics that I also loved:

COUP DE FOUDRE - A model/photographer AU where Ian and Mickey fall in love the instant they meet and do some crazy things because of that.

HOPE HE MIGHT - A lawyer AU where Ian and Mickey are on opposing sides for the same client, an interesting murder mystery steeped in a religious cult.

Generally I feel like this author is really good at depicting just how unapproachable Mickey can be to anyone that isn't called Ian Gallagher and I eat it up every time.

WHAT THE NIGHT DOES TO THE DAY – andchaos - 9k words

A Gallavich childhood friends AU with a quite original arrangement for the story and the various segments of their lives. Very satisfying read.

RANSOM – BeckyHarvey29 - 112k words

Terry sends his sons to kidnap a Gallagher child to force Frank into paying back the money he owes, unfortunately for him Mickey and his brothers kidnap Ian, and a whole other kind of story unfolds.

Mickey and Ian falling in love in this fic is such a good read. I don't wanna spoil anything of how that or the kidnapping plot goes, since the two are so intertwined. Just know that it will be worth it.

UNDER LOCK AND KEY – Suzy_Queue - 106k words

Ian is assigned the night shift at his new job where he provides spare keys to his fellow college students stuck outside their dorm rooms. To make matters worse his shift coworker is the oh so infamous Mickey Milkovich.

I am magnetized by the way this author writes their pining for each other, their attraction and obsession, how it blooms and unfolds. This fic in particular had me develop a very bad case of tunnel vision, couldn't really turn away until I finished reading it all.

I still haven't read everything this author has to offer, but so far I also loved:

INHUMAN: A mysterious force starts attacking people close to Mickey and it all seems to lead to a mysterious redhead Mickey is oh so coincidentally obsessed with. Very cool paranormal story.

THESE FOOLISH GAMES: Mickey takes over as the boss of the local branch of a trampoline park, where Ian is one of the employees, they annoy each other to no end but what they don't know is that they're secretly texting each other.

IS THERE SOMEWHERE – andchaos - 48k words

Mickey is born with no words on his skin, convinced he's going to live a life of misery cause no one will ever say the words he's destined to hear, he's not a very happy guy. Here comes mute boy Ian who crashes into his life and won't let go.

A classic Soulmate AU, I love that like in a lot of other Gallavich fics their physical connection and compatibility usually comes before their emotional one, it is one aspect that I feel distinguishes their relationship to many other fandom’s ships.

LAST NIGHT AT THE VERONA GRAND HOTEL – the_rat_wins - 27k words

Mickey starts working at an ancient hotel who's supposedly haunted. Mickey doesn't believe in ghost stories, he is much more interested in this one guest he meets at night during his shift.

What a cinematic experience this fic is! Absolutely recommended, the length of it makes it so you can read it in the same time it would take to watch the same story in movie format.

Other fics by the same authors that have impressed me:

FADE THIS ONE TO BLACK: Ian dies of overdose in a pile of snow outside the club, when Mickey finds him there he vows to do anything to get him back.

I don't know why but this fic in particular gives off the vibes of being a pilot for a ya urban fantasy TV series, except we gotta imagine everything that comes after the first episode lol

NO LIE: Ian and Mickey are Soulmates and as such they can't lie to each other. This series is short and sweet and full of feelings, perfect

PARAGRAPHS – pink_ink - 100k words

Ian becomes a reading tutor for ex-convicts, Mickey is among them and Ian starts paying him more and more attention.

This is a story where they meet under very different circumstances and where they've lived slightly different lives compared to canon and yet they're still able to find each other in the end.

Also, sign me up for every fic where Ian has to work just as hard to help Mickey and care for him as the opposite, where Ian's brand of stubbornness is the only way to get through to Mickey.

I'm also adding a couple of ongoing fics, just two to not overwhelm too much.

NONE THE WISER – Loftec - ~218k words

Ian starts visiting Mickey’s diner, it takes a while and yet no time at all to warm up to each other.

I'm captivated by the author's writing style. I love Ian's and Mickey’s relationship. I love how they sort of take their time and yet pine helplessly for each other.

I'm obsessed with the fact that the whole point of the fic doesn't appear until two thirds of the way in cause the diner scenes were just too good to pass up on lol (and I 100% agree with them).

INTRO TO QUANTUM DATING – spoonfulstar - ~563k words

Canon Mickey and Ian meet in University. A college slice of life but drenched in the casual (and not so casual) darkness of canon shameless.

The dark humor in this is fenomenal and left me gasping laughing so many times.

Unexpectedly Ian in this fic is pursuing a linguistics oriented degree, which was what I studied when I tried university, the topics are explained in such an accurate way I have to assume the author studied them themselves and that this story is somewhat a reimagining of their own college experience because if not this would be an absurd amount of accurate research to make.

Reading this fic feels like living through the American college experience from the comfort of my home lol.

As I said before, this author's way of writing does not weight you down even with its length, the story flows perfectly from one scene to the next and before you realize it you've reached the end and you have to accept that 500k words weren't even enough.

Let's end this list with some quick recommendations

WHILE WE'RE MAKING OTHER (PEOPLE'S) PLANS - kyasticlikestea

Mickey is volunteered to organize someone's else's wedding after he managed to salvage his own so well, he'll do it, but his own Southside way.

THIS IS THE ROAD TO RUIN - bricoleur10

Ian and Mickey never go to rob Ned, the story unfolds differently from there. A fix-it with a lot of Gallavich longing , very good smut and some really good dialogue.

HEY, HONEY MINE (I WAS THERE ALL THE TIME) - serveteas

Mickey talks about his crush with Iggy and accidentally pronoun-slips. Short, to the point, funny af and I just really love it. Takes place after their fight at Kash’n Grab in s2.

AGAINST GLASS - AllThatMatters

Ian gets traded from one club to another as a dancer (and more) and ends up in the Milkovich family's club. This is a Mafia!Mickey story with some pretty tight sub-plots, I love his brothers in this.

ONE OF A KIND - fckyeahgallavich

Mickey breaks his finger and it has to be set in the hospital, chaos - of the homophobic kind - ensues. Protective!Ian, I wanna hug Mickey in this.

IAN THE FRIENDLY GHOST - Ravenheart

Ian is haunting an apartment and Mickey starts living in it, Ian is maybe starting to have a crush on him. This isn't angsty!

BLOOD IN, BLEED OUT - brewrosemilk, Whatsastory

Historical AU. Perfectly innocent bystander Ian Gallagher is thrown into the affairs of the Ukrainian Mafia back in 1954, his relationship with Mickey will span decades and he won't remain innocent for long, the mafia can corrupt anyone.

TEENAGE RUNAWAY - sadwhales

Ian comes to live and finish high school with his half siblings on the South Side, he's immediately captivated by a boy sitting under the bleachers, maybe his North Side naivety will catch his attention too.

GARDEN SONG - melwrtiesthings

A glimpse into their lives in their West Side apartment, a lot of initial angst due to a manic episode and then a lot of recovery and healing and learning more about themselves.

[gothcsz]

oh god I just had a really horny thought, imagine coming to work without any underwear and teasing javi ugh like he just gets small glimpses of your pussy and it drives him up the WALL and then you end up spread open on his desk with his large hands on your inner thighs whilst he devours you 😩🫠

oh my god 😵‍💫 a horny thought INDEED holy shit... but what if you guys had some kind of argument the night before and that's why you've thought up of this little plan to fuck with him. i wanna say that maybe you two have been hooking up in secret for a while now and maybe you're ready to make it a real thing. he's very hesitant to do so because of his reputation and because he knows how women usually get treated once their office affairs are exposed.

so that talk just led to a petty fight that ended with him being an asshole to you and storming out of your place... you weren't going to let it go like you usually do— so you decide to get back at him in the only way you know is really going to get to him.

javier peña loves pussy—yours, to be exact— and he's a very possessive man when it comes to the things that are his. but if you're his, then why is he keeping you a secret? you really couldn't give less of a fuck about his reputation or about what others are going to say about you. it's not like you were breaking any rules (okay maybe you have hooked up around the office but what they don't know won't hurt them!)

and since he's not staking his claim on you, then you're free to do whatever. right? this particular skirt you've picked today shows your panty lines and you just can't have that (so unprofessional 😉) so you forego the undergarment all together.

if you just so happen to bend over a little to much and accidentally give his work rival a glimpse of heaven (as javi has so kindly put it) then.... oh well.

if the skirt rides up high enough to show the tops of your thighs while you're taking a call, thighs spreading to get comfortable... then so be it.

you find it so exhilarating and you haven't even revealed this little secret to him yet. coming in like you always do, making mindless small talk with your co-workers. it's not until lunch time that you stop by his private office, where he just gives you a once over and seemingly dismisses you that you drop the bomb on him.

handing over a file before strutting out, you feel his gaze on your swaying hips— on your ass, and you bite back a smirk.

he's too easy.

you close the door behind you and it's not until you're rounding the corner that he opens the folder and sees the flimsy, lacy fabric of your panties stuffed in there and he shoots up from his chair like someone's lit a fire under his ass; following behind you with his jaw clenched so tight, he might dislocate it.

then he sees you perched up on the other guy's desk, legs crossed while you lean closer to him and zendaya laugh at one of his unfunny jokes. it has him seeing red (or green, i guess) but he can't go over there and yank you off the surface without causing a scene. that'd draw attention and:

"We just can't have that, cariño." as he had so nicely told you the night before.

when you lean over enough, your ass rises off the desk and he gets just the quickest peek of your cunt.

he grits your name out through clenched teeth and you look over your shoulder at him, narrowing your gaze ever so slightly.

"i'm busy right now. we're going out for lunch." but your arch your back ever so slightly and he swears he's half tempted to draw the gun from his lower back and shoot that motherfucker between the eyes, then drag you over to his office and put you in your place.

but again— he can't do a damn thing. it'd just expose your relationship and, well....

"We just can't have that, cariño."

the entire time you're out for lunch, he's pacing his office, losing his mind knowing you're out with another man while your pussy is just out. what if he got handsy and rested his hand on your thigh? slid it up under the hem of your skirt? to where your leg and pelvis meet? what if you spread your legs a little further and let him run his fingers up your wet slit? and you'd be wet, javier knows this. knows how easy it is for him to get you dripping.

would this man have the same effect on you?

he's watching the clock like a fucking hawk, assaulting the poor plastic hands with his gaze until they hit the hour and he hears your bubbly laugh floating down the hallway.

it's kind of pathetic the way he rushes out of his office, biting down on his tongue. his usual golden eyes darken once you're in his line of sight. your breath catches in your throat at his stance, you're able to read him like a fucking book.

you smirk at him. he's played right into your little game and that is what sets him off.

he calls your name, demanding you to meet him in his office and you have to keep yourself from squealing at his tone, blowing off the insufferable guy you just wasted your lunch break on just to piss javier off.

you saunter into his office, skin on fire, and he's waiting for you, leaning against the edge of the desk.

"shut the door."

your tongue pokes against the inside of your cheek as you turn slowly, doing as you're told before facing him again.

"what the fuck do you think you're doing?"

you feign innocence, "what do you mean?"

"don't— don't fucking do that."

you shrug, leaning back against the door, letting his angry stare undress you.

"i just went out to lunch with a co-worker, javier. is that a crime or am i not allowed to let anyone know about that either?"

his jaw twitches and your thighs tense together.

"come here."

you could drag this out, be more of a brat about it, but you won't— because this entire time; you've been hot and fucking ready for one man and one man only.

you slowly walk to him and his impatience at your pace takes over, his large hands reach out to grab you by your waist to drag you to him. you almost trip over your work heels.

"you're a piece of work, you know that?" it all happens so fast, how he moves your body like you weigh nothing and perches you up on his desk, standing between your spread thighs.

"doin' all this and for what? 'cause i don't want to parade you around here like some fuckin' trophy?" he leans in, kissing and nipping at your jaw, your mind clouded with lust as his thick fingers dig into the sensitive skin of your inner thighs.

you whimper, not being able to find the words from the practiced argument you had in your head all night and morning, head canting back as his lips move down your body.

"all this for attention?" he huffs, sinking to his knees, "like i don't fucking give it to you all the damn time. is that not enough?"

javier groans loudly at the sight of your bare pussy, glistening, beckoning him in. he knows the second those pretty folds are spread and he sees your throbbing clit and fluttering hole; he's going to have no choice but to succumb to you completely.

"no, it's not." you stand your ground, struggling to keep your hips from bucking forward to get his mouth on you. you feel his warm breath fan over your core, sweat gathering at the base of your spine.

he bites and licks all around the area you need him most, and you hear him muttering to himself but you don't understand a goddamn word he's saying, blood rushing in your ears, heart beating so loud.

and then he's devouring your cunt like a man starved, lips, tongue, nose touching you in all the right places. you have to bite down on your lower lip to keep the lewd moans from escaping you, knuckles flushed against the edge of his desk to keep you stable while his possessive mouth reminds you that you're his and his only.

[bootlegramdomneess]

Hello! If is okay I would like to ask you something about how you interpret this aspect of show as a therapist.

Why do you think is Sydney the one that calls Carmy’s panick attacks? (the one in opening day, and that moment in “doors” when she calms him down when he is screaming they are to slow, and because of her, he calms down and the frantic music stops)

Does it had to do with love (even though I also think they are in love) or is because of trust and the bond they share? Secure attachment kind of thing? Is it because the particular type of abuse he has suffered? Or is something about Sydney’s personality? Would love your take on that.

Thank you 🙏🏼

ooo. Thanks for the question. Okay, there are a lot of layers to this

In season one we see Sydney coming into the beef during a time where Carmy was trying to get everyone to understand what he was trying to do, and meeting Sydney, he saw she understood where he was coming from. It had to be a big relief. I think Carmy comes from a space of feeling as though no one truly understands him or who he is. I think meeting Sydney was a shock to his system because here was someone who understood what he was trying to do at the Beef. Here was someone who shared the same vision as him. Similar ideas. Similar plans. Who is passionate about cooking. Here was a person who knew the part of his life (Being a chef) he didn't share with anyone. As time went on, he connected with her on a professional level, he depended on her, he relied on her in a way, i think, he never has with anyone in the kitchen. Sydney has this way about her that can be very disarming. Disarming to the point where he felt comfortable enough to be vulnerable with her in telling her about his Al-anon meetings. I think by the end of the season, he tried to subconsciously sabotage this relationship by exploding on her, but still invited her back into his life---despite her challenging his core beliefs of no one understanding him or he has to do things on his own. Or he can't get close to anyone.

2. In season 2 we see a shift in their dynamic where trust has been built. They've grown closer. They're having conversations about their personal lives. They're giving each other advice. They've built this little family inside the restaurant. Sydney is slowly now integrated into his family. They're literally building their future together. But here Carmy goes, sabotaging things (by bringing the C person into the dynamic) again because his relationship with Sydney is once again challenging his core beliefs. This is the theme I'm starting to notice.

3. Carmy admires Sydney. He values her opinion. He sees interpersonal skills she brings into the kitchen, and into their dynamic, that he wants to mirror himself. (This is partway why he is ALWAYS watching her)

He constantly asks if things are okay between them. He doesn't lie to her. (outside of omitting who the C person was). He tries his best to articulate his feelings to her without her prompting. When he said "I don't want to do this without you. I can't do this without you. You make me better at this." He meant that shit. That is so hard to admit out loud for him because the emotional stakes and the fear of rejection is so high for him. it's obvious he holds her in such high regard because he does not do or say any of those things to anyone else in his life. He ignores them. He shuts them out. He avoids. He doesn't communicate. (Just look at his entire dynamic with the C person. Just look at how he's shut her out completely).

4.This season he feels so ashamed and upset that he left Sydney alone. "I left you alone." After promising to her various times, he won't do that. He is devastated by this. he was yelling GET SYDNEY when he was locked in the freezer because he left her alone. So now he's gone into the extreme mode to try and fix it the things between them even though she didn't feel he abandoned her.

He told Sydney to check him if he's fucking up. He trusts he will listen to her when she does and correct himself. We are now at a point where he does not want to fuck shit up with her anymore. He is now allowing Sydney's presence in his life to challenge his core belief without sabotaging it. I think, Carmy has already casually admitted in his mind that he has strong feelings for Sydney, but I think he's put it in a deli and stored it on a shelf for various Carmy reasons.

So, when Sydney checks him in the kitchen, tells him to calm down, he listens. Sydney doesn't view Carmy as broken. Despite knowing he has anxiety and panic attacks. Despite his emotional issues, despite his family dysfunction. I think Sydney views him as someone who can hold it together. She doesn't coddle him because she sees he is trying and has the ability to get his act together. When she says: "So don't fuck up" is a great example of that.

Sydney is clear in her expectations of him. She holds him accountable. Sydney is gentle and disarming and forgiving in a way he is not with himself and he recognizes he needs that. Him being able to calm down when she tells him to, is her shaping his behavior. His thoughts of her helping him calm from a panic attack is because he trusts her voice. She is the port in the storm. She is the only one he trusts enough to be this way with him. Because he is in love with her.

[i-arch-my-backula]

How Louis and Lestat spend Halloween with you

So I'm decently into the first season of IWTV TV show, I'm on episode six of the first season, and I want to write about these gay vampires so bad, but I don't want to do anything too high stakes, so I'm just going to do a silly Halloween thing for them. Sorry if this is OOC for either of them. I'm basing the time around the late 1910's-ish.

Content includes: Mentions of 'hunting'

Louis De Pointe Du Lac

Because Halloween has only really been celebrated in the States for less than 30 years, Louis isn't too keen on it. He sees all of the greeting cards in stores and costume parties everyone throws, he thinks it's a little silly, but if you want to play around with it, he'll oblige.

If it were up to him, he wouldn't really do anything to celebrate, he sees it as just another holiday made up by some humans. But when you beg him to go to a party with you, he'll go, but he won't dress up.

I think he'll still be lighthearted about the whole thing. Just letting you have your fun dressing up and going to parties with him, doing this and that. He doesn't take it too seriously, but he won't explicitly tell you that.

If you suggest decorating the outside of the house for Halloween he'll slightly protest that. "Come on now, we ain't gotta do all that." He'll probably say. Louis already feels anxious about his standing in New Orleans at is it, so drawing more attention to himself and you probably isn't what he'll want to do.

But he'll find ways to compromise. If you want to wear a costume he'll hire a seamstress who is willing to work at night to come and make you whatever costume you'd like to be, within reason of course.

By now Louis has learned to be careful with who he chooses to eat for his dinner. Only going after those who no one will miss, or notice that they've gone missing, he's learned his lesson, and he won't make the same mistakes again.

That being said he's going to use you prancing around town going to Halloween parties as a way to hunt. If he grows bored of the party he'll leave you on your own to have your fun while he finds a bite to eat.

Overall Louis isn't that big of a Halloween fan. He doesn't hate it, but if given the choice, he wouldn't exactly engage with it either. But because his beloved enjoys this holiday so much, he's willing to do this just for you.

Lestat De Lioncourt

Lestat is a dramatic ass bitch. He's French, blonde, has a bob, and is bisexual, it's in his nature to be dramatic. But that being said I think he's indifferent about Halloween.

He doesn't hate it or anything, but he thinks it's just another human holiday that he could go without. But because you love it so much, he's willing to celebrate it with you.

Lestat is very old, and French, and to my understanding in France Halloween isn't celebrated on mass like how it is in the United States, so if that's true now I'm sure it's true back then.

So as Lestat sees Halloween rise up into this kind of a holiday he'll tease you about enjoying a holiday that just now became popular, but he ribs you about most things in general. It's just in his nature.

Because he's Lestat you two will be invited to many Halloween parties, and since he enjoys parties in general, he'll be happy to go with you.

I think he enjoys getting dressed up just for the hell of it, so while you wear a costume for a Halloween party, he'll just wear one of his fancy suits. But this is also a good excuse if someone asks him why is fingernails look like that or some other question about his appearance. He can pass it off as a Halloween costume.

Like Louis, Lestat takes this as an opportunity to hunt as well. He's not one to grow bored of a party easily, but if you two are walking around on Halloween night and he happens to find the perfect someone to eat, he can't deny himself that.

Like Louis I think he'll not want to decorate for Halloween, not because he doesn't want to draw attention to himself, but because he thinks the decorations are a bit tacky.

"Oh come on mon chéri. These decorations look like a child cut shapes out of some black paper. We can't hang these up for everyone to see."

[sapphoshands]

"We broke every rule we established for the trials and the characters broke every rule given to them but its funny that viewers have different interpretations" not cute actually, Jac. Just bad writing that verges on outright racism by killing off the one Asian character and making the Black character over the top malevolent. Oh and putting the sole (white) man in narrative center. Should've known it was too good to be true.

it is of course extremely déclassé to go into the inbox of someone who is loving a thing and tell them why they should not be loving the thing, but you know, i'm so deep in this show, i'm just like *rubs hands* more time to think about my blorbos! so!

i will do you the courtesy of ignoring your bad faith phrasing to engage with your actual points - and of course, we also have to keep in mind that we're just over halfway through the season, so things may come back in ways we can't yet see. that said, i adore the idea that agatha's punishment in this was to be seen by yet another coven as an object of horror and fear, especially after a few moments where she was seen as a real person. i think that's going to play very strongly into the end of the season and i think it's a very smart bit of writing that plays with the expectations of the characters on screen and the audience watching the show. i got a little seduced by some of the alternate trial theories, ngl, but that is one of the joys of episodic television and i am having a blast watching more of this story unravel.

re racism, i as a white woman am certainly not going to tell anyone how they should receive a story like this. but i feel about alice's death much like i feel about the push for no more dead lesbians, which is that if we erase any sort of peril for any given segment of the population, we are no longer telling full stories about them. speaking for myself, i am a advocate for increased representation of all sorts on screen (and behind the camera), and simple math tells us that having more people of colour on screen means more people of colour will die on screen. so i always ask myself whether the death feels racially motivated, and in this case, to me, it doesn't. we've already lost a white woman to the road and it is important for the show to keep the stakes high. to me, alice's story was gorgeously tragic and a really wonderful parallel to agatha's - you really felt alice, having discovered the depth of her connection to her mother, feeling that lack for agatha. but naturally... you may have a different interpretation.

jen, on the other hand - oh my god, jen, i fucking loved her in this episode. and again you can read her as OTT, although in contrast to agatha i think she's really rather restrained! obviously tropes play differently for Black characters than white, but in the context of the show, in the context of the way the rest of the coven has been portrayed, she fit perfectly. i mean, in jen's trial, agatha tried to sacrifice mrs hart, tried to cheat, tried to literally break out, etc, because she was so determined that her quest was the only thing that mattered to her. i frankly don't blame jen for pulling an agatha and deciding to put herself first, and i don't think the show wants us to blame jen either. totally tracked to me. the retainer moment? exceptional. and alice and lilia were right there with her - it's not like she was the only one pushing this agenda, you know? certainly she wasn't singled out by skin colour.

billy, now... i am not gonna lie. i am a little worried that we're gonna turn this into the billy show. and i do mostly trust jac schaeffer and mary livanos and the whole setup of the fucking show that they won't, that this is about women and witchcraft and queerness and all of my favourite things. but it's a marvel property, right? and we always have to have this fucking fear. but this interview, again, actually made me feel a lot better about that:

obviously this sounds like it was really early in the room and things change throughout the course of development, but it is really reassuring to me that in the early stages of breaking agatha's story, billy... wasn't billy. he was, you know, a sexy lamp. someone else could've done his job. so his innate billyness didn't matter. to me, that suggests that the established arc remains agatha's and billy's just there to prop it up. i'm sure that since he became billy in the writing process, he became more important and elements of his story became part of the narrative and so on, but i expect it was a series of discussions on how to fit him into the story rather than how to rewrite the story to suit him.

i'm just as biased in my defence as you are in your annoyance, so you're welcome to dismiss all of this and grump on with your grumpy self. but i think this is a smart, interesting, nuanced show that hasn't spilled all its secrets yet. and i cannot wait for more. is it wednesday yet?

[bunnyb0ne]

The second post, yuppie! This time I bring you my Dialtown children, exactly two of them. I have more, but these two are the most complex and I've actually put a lot of thought in them.

This is M. O. N. O (Многофункциональный-Модуль-для-Охраны-и-Наблюдения/Multifunctional-Module-for-Security-and-Surveillance). It works as a guard/policeman and is very efficient at its job. It is well-trained, disciplined, and even kind of scary to its clients and coworkers.  However, this is its 'job mode.' This is exactly why it behaves and talks like a robot during his shift—I guess you can call it a coping mechanism. During work hours it must always be ready to jump into action and sometimes behave in a violent way. It must fight and act aggressively to protect people, but in reality he's a gentle and kind soul known as Adam—the name his mother gave to him. By 'pulling a switch,' Adam allows himself to quickly shut off any emotions or feelings that might get in the way and become M. O. N. O.  The module itself was created by his father, who always taught his son to be not just a man, but a brave soldier.  Adam is afraid that one day M. O. N. O won't turn off in time and it will result in a serious accident, but so far things go well. I actually didn't have much lore for him, but the more I think, the more I like him. His neck is supposed to be a pole completely covered with wires, but I don't have the skill to depict this.  M. O. N. O has a full vision on all of its cameras. If it loses its vision on all three cameras, it will be able to fully see with the fourth one.

Hunter Hunter (same name as the surname AND the fan itself is called Hunter as well lol) is a former host of a controversial show, 'Thrill of the Hunt,' and a reporter and a journalist who currently works at Dialtown News Network.  He is just 23 years old, but has been through a lot because of his former workplace. Extreme sports, spider-scorpion-beetle-eating, stupid but crazy challenges, near-death experiences, and so on. This continued until the last episode, when the stakes became so high for everyone that he couldn't take it anymore. He got injured, more mentally, but also physically, left the channel, and his hometown to find some peace in a quiet and seemingly peaceful Dialtown. Hunter is an introvert who is not afraid to talk to people but gets tired of long, empty chatter. He can be seen as cynical and cold, and he is to some extent. He thinks pretty highly of himself and is fixated on an idea of improving his mind and body and meeting people who are on the same or higher level than his. He also heavily implies that he's normal and definitely-not-freaky, but... do you believe people who say that? His main hobby is gardening; he keeps a small company of plants at home and takes care of an ant farm and his hissing cockroach, Ashley III, who is named after his school crush. He often goes for one-night stands and avoids deep relationships as he's still holding on to the idea that one day he'll meet Ashley again and they'll fall in true love. I have more info on Hunter, but I'm not sure if anyone is interesting, so I don't wanna bother translating it. He is my 'main' OC, so I hope you like him too!

+ some artworks from my dear mates @karfecc-dreamer and @alexzahhak!! Hunter being handsome in a suit (he almost always wears those, actually), Hunter being...uhh...examined by Gingi, I guess, and a chibi-smol-bean Huntw aww how c00t!

[mooseyspooky]

Songs Moz says he wrote about Johnny:

-Angel, Angel Down We Go Together

Meanwhile, all the songs that I think are actually about Johnny, or in some way referring to him:

-Hand In Glove (1983)

-No, it's not like any other love. This one is different, because it's us.

-So, hand in glove I stake my claim. I'll fight to the last breath. If they dare touch a hair on your head, I'll fight to the last breath. For the good life is out there somewhere. So stay on my arm, you little charmer, but I know my luck too well. Yes, I know my luck too well. And I'll probably never see you again.

-Reel Around The Fountain (1983)

-Fifteen minutes with you. Well, I wouldn't say no. Oh, people said that you were virtually dead, and they were so wrong.

-I dreamt about you last night, and I fell out of bed twice. You can pin and mount me like a butterfly, but, "Take me to the haven of your bed" was something that you never said. Two lumps, please. You're the bee's knees but so am I.

-What Difference Does It Make? (1982)

-All men have secrets and here is mine. So let it be known. For we have been through hell and high tide. I think I can rely on you, and yet you start to recoil. Heavy words are so lightly thrown, but still I'd leap in front of a flying bullet for you.

-But now you know the truth about me. You won't see me anymore. Well, I'm still fond of you.

-But I'm still fond of you. Oh, my sacred one.

-Miserable Lie (Linder/Johnny) (1982)

-I know I need hardly say how much I love your casual way. Oh, but please put your tongue away. A little higher and we're well away. The dark nights are drawing in, and your humor is as black as them. I look at yours, you laugh at mine, and "love" is just a miserable lie. You have destroyed my flower-like life. Not once - twice. You have corrupt my innocent mind. Not once - twice.

-This Charming Man (1983)

-When in this charming car. This charming man.

-Why pamper life's complexity when the leather runs smooth on the passenger seat?

-This man said, "It's gruesome that someone so handsome should care."

-These Things Take Time (1982)

-Mine eyes have seen the glory of the sacred wunderkind.

-But I can't believe that you'd ever care, and this is why you will never care.

-I'm spellbound, but a woman divides, and the hills are alive with celibate cries. But you know where you came from, you know where you're going, and you know where you belong. You said I was ill and you were not wrong.

-The alcoholic afternoons when we sat in your room - they meant more to me than any than any living thing on earth. It had more worth than any living thing on earth. Vivid and in your prime. You will leave me behind.

-Handsome Devil (1982)

-You ask me the time, but I sense something more. And I would like to give what I think you're asking for.

-You handsome devil. Oh, you handsome devil. Let me get my hands on your mammary glands, and let me get your head on the conjugal bed.

-I crack the whip, and you skip, but you deserve it. And when we're in your scholarly room, who will swallow whom?

-Please Please Please Let Me Get What I Want (1984)

-So for once in my life let me get what I want. Lord knows it would be the last time.

-I Want The One I Can't Have (1984)

-On the day that your mentality decides to try to catch up with your biology - come 'round. 'Cause I want the one I can't have, and it's driving me mad. It's all over, all over, all over my face.

-And if you ever need self-validation just meet me in the alley by the railway-station. It's all over my face.

-That Joke Isn't Funny Anymore (1984)

-Park the car at the side of the road. You should know time's tide will smother you - and I will too. When you laugh about people who feel so very lonely their only desire is to die - well, I'm afraid it doesn't make me smile.

-It was dark as I drove the point home, and on cold leather seats - well, it suddenly struck me. I just might die with a smile on my face after all.

-Well I Wonder (1983/1984)

-Do you hear me when you sleep? I hoarsely cry.

-Do you see me when we pass? I half-die.

-Please keep me in mind.

-I Know It's Over (1985)

-I know it's over - still I cling. I don't know where else I can go.

-Sad veiled bride, please be happy. Handsome groom, give her room. Loud, loutish lover, treat her kindly. Though she needs you more than she loves you.

-I know it's over, and it never really began, but in my heart it was so real. And you even spoke to me, and said: "If you're so funny then why are you on your own tonight? And if you're so clever then why are you on your own tonight? If you're so very entertaining then why are you on your own tonight? If you're so very good-looking why do you sleep alone tonight?"

-Love is natural and real, but not for you, my love. Not tonight, my love. Love is natural and real, but not for such as you and I, my love.

-Never Had No One Ever (1985)

-Now I'm outside your house - I'm alone. And I'm outside your house. I hate to intrude.

-The Boy with the Thorn in His Side (1985)

-How can they look into my eyes, and still they don't believe me? How can they hear me say those words - still they don't believe me? And if they don't believe me now will they ever believe me?

-How can they see the love in our eyes, and still they don't believe us? And after all this time they don't want to believe us. And if they don't believe us now will they ever believe us?

-There Is a Light That Never Goes Out (1985)

-Driving in your car. I never, never want to go home. Because I haven't got one anymore.

-Driving in your car. Please don't drop me home.

-And if a double-decker bus crashes into us - to die by your side is such a heavenly way to die. And if a ten ton truck kills the both of us - to die by your side...well, the pleasure, the privilege is mine.

-Take me out tonight. Take me anywhere, I don't care. And in the darkened underpass I thought, "Oh God, my chance has come at last." But then a strange fear gripped me, and I just couldn't ask.

-Stretch Out and Wait (1985)

-All the lies that you make up...what's at the back of your mind? Your face I can see, and it's desperately kind - but what's at the back of your mind?

-Amid concrete and clay, and general decay, nature must still find a way. So ignore all the codes of the day. Let your juvenile impulses sway...God, how sex implores you to let yourself lose yourself.

-Stretch out and wait. Let your puny body lie down. As we lie, you say...stretch out and...

-Shakespeare's Sister (1985)

-But I'm going to meet the one I love. So, please don't stand in my way, because I'm going to meet the one I love.

-I can smile about it now, but at the time it was terrible.

-Sweet and Tender Hooligan (1986)

-He said that he'd never, never do it again, and of course he won't - not until the next time.

-Would you look into those motherly eyes? I love you for you, my love, you, my love.

-Is It Really So Strange? (1986)

-And I can't help the way I feel. You can kick me, and you can punch me, and you can break my face, but you won't change the way I feel. 'Cause I love you.

-Is it really so strange? I say no, you say yes - and you will change your mind.

-London (1986)

-Smoke lingers 'round your fingers. Train a-heave on to Euston. Do you think you've made the right decision this time?

-You left your girlfriend on the platform with this really ragged notion that you'll return, but she knows that when he goes, he really goes. And do you think you've made the right decision this time?

-Ask (1986)

-So if there's something you'd like to try...Ask me, I won't say no, how could I?

-Because if it's not love then it's the bomb...that will bring us together.

-Nature is a language, can't you read?

-I Started Something I Couldn't Finish (1987)

-The lanes were silent. There was nothing, no one, nothing around for miles. I doused our friendly venture with a hard-faced, three-word gesture.

-I started something, I forced you to a zone - and you were clearly never meant to go. Hair brushed and parted, typical me...I started something, and now I'm not too sure.

-I grabbed you by guilded beams. That's what tradition means. And I doused another venture with a gesture that was absolutely vile.

-Stop Me If You Think You've Heard This One Before (1987)

-Nothing's changed. I still love you, oh, I still love you...only slightly, only slightly less than I used to, my love.

-Who said I'd lied to her? Who said I'd lied, because I never...

-Last Night I Dreamt That Somebody Loved Me (1987)

-Last night I dreamt that somebody loved me. No hope, no harm. Just another false alarm.

-Last night I felt real arms around me. No hope, no harm. Just another false alarm.

-I Won't Share You (1987)

-I won't share you, no. I won't share you. With the drive and ambition. The zeal I feel, this is my time.

-Life tends to come and go. That's okay...as long as you know.

-I'll see you somewhere. I'll see you sometime, darling.

-I Keep Mine Hidden (1987)

-Hate, love and war force emotions to the fore, but not for me of course, of course. I keep mine hidden.

-But it's so easy for you...because you let yours flail into public view.

-The lies are so easy for you, because you let yours slide into public view.

-Alsatian Cousin (1987)

-Were you and he lovers? And would you say so if you were?

-A note upon his desk. "P.S. Bring Me Home And Have Me!" Leather elbows on a tweed coat -is that the best you can do? So came his reply: "But on the desk is where I want you."

-Angel, Angel Down We Go Together (1987)

-Note: I personally believe that this song is Johnny speaking to Morrissey shortly after the breakup.

-Angel, angel. Don't take your life tonight. I know they take, and that they take in turn. And they give you nothing real for yourself in return, but when they've used you and they've broken you, and wasted all your money, and cast your shell aside - and when they've bought you and they've sold you, and they've billed you for the pleasure, and they've made your parents cry. I will be here, oh, believe me. I will be here, believe me. Angel, don't take your life. Some people have got no pride. They do not understand the urgency of life. But I love you more than life.

-Late Night, Maudlin Street (1987)

-Note: In a similar vein, I think this is Morrissey's side of the conversation from Angel, Angel Down We Go Together. It is the very next song on the album (Viva Hate). This song is a mix of movie quotes, description of movie scenes, and (more or less) spoken word pieces. Those spoken word pieces I think are Moz' response to Johnny in Angel, Angel. 'Don't take your life, tonight.' 'I took strange pills, but I never meant to hurt you,' ect.

-Love at first sight. May sound trite, but it's true, you know. I could list the details of everything you ever wore, or said, or how you stood that day.

-Truly I do love you. Oh, truly I do love you.

-When I sleep with that picture of you framed beside my bed...Oh, it's childish and it's silly, but I think it's you in my room by the bed. Yes, I told you it was silly, and I know I took strange pills, but I never meant to hurt you. Oh, truly I love you.

-The last bus I missed to Maudlin Street. So, he drove me home in the van, complaining, "Women only like me for my mind..."

-And so we crept through the park. No, I cannot steal a pair of jeans off a clothesline for you...but you without clothes. Oh, I could not keep a straight face. Me, without clothes? Well, a nation turns its back and gags.

-Oh, truly I do love you...wherever you are.

-Suedehead (1987)

-Why do you come here? And why, why do you hang around? I'm so sorry...Why do you come here when you know it makes things hard for me? ...Why do you telephone? And why send me silly notes? I'm so sorry.

-You had to sneak into my room just to read my diary. "It was just to see, just to see." All the things you knew I'd written about you. Oh, so many illustrations. But I'm so very sickened. I am so sickened now...Oh, it was a good lay, good lay.

-Break Up the Family (1987)

-The strange logic in your clumsiest line - it stayed emblazoned on my mind. You say, break up the family, and let's begin to live our lives.

-Yes, you found love, but you weren't at peace with your life. Home late, full of hate. Despise the ties that bind.

-I Don't Mind If You Forget Me (1987)

-I don't mind - I don't mind if you forget me.

-So now you send me your hardened 'regards' when once you'd send me 'Love.' Sincerely I must tell you your mild 'best wishes' - they make me suspicious.

-The pressure to change, to move on was strange, and very strong. So this is why I tell you - I really do understand. Bye bye.

-Rejection is one thing, but rejection from a fool is cruel.

-I Know Very Well How I Got My Name (1987)

-A child in a curious phase. A man with sullen ways. I know very well how I got my name. You think you were my first love. You think you were my first love, but you're wrong. You were the only one. Who's come and gone.

-Treat Me Like a Human Being (1987)

-It's hard, but try...for once, just for once...Leave all your hate behind you. It's still all so strange and obscene for you to look and see one who is real and who feels life.

-Three words could change my life. So once, just for once...let the night pass with ease, son. Treat me like a human being. I'd like to know how this feels.

-Three words could change my life, yet you treat me like you never care.

-Happy Lovers at Last United (1988)

-Happy lovers, back together, and I do feel proud. Happy lovers, reunited, and I do feel proud now. I'm not the type to boast as you know, though it was me who brought them back together. He is so kind, and she is so clever, but they don't want me now, hanging around.

-I rang to her to explain of how he really wants to see you again. I said more or less the same thing to him too, which wasn't true. And now they walk, hand in hand, all is planned, by the silent glance I believe, that only lovers share. And I'm proud to have done something good for once. And she is so kind, and he's so clever, but they don't need me now, hanging around.

-Will Never Marry (1988)

-For whether you stay, or you stray, an inbuilt guilt that catches up with you - and as it comes around to your place at 5 a.m., wakes you up, and it laughs in your face.

-He Knows I'd Love to See Him (1989)

-He knows, he knows, or...I think he does. 'Cause when I lived in the arse of the world...he knows, he knows. He knows I'd love to see him happy, or as close as is allowed.

-Oh, my name still conjures up deadly deeds, and a bad taste in the mouth.

-He doesn't know...

-Yes, I Am Blind (1989)

-Love's young dream. I'm the one who shocked you. I'm the one who stopped you, 'cause in my sorry way I love you.

-Love's young dream...aren't you sorry for what you've done? Well, you're not the only one, and in my sorry way I love you.

-Yes, I am blind, but I do see evil people prosper over the likes of you and me always.

-Oh Phoney (1989)

-May this lovely letter reach its destination...if only. Question one is why do you pretend that you like me? Oh Phoney. See how the outside contradicts what's inside.

-Who can make Hitler seem like a bus conductor? You do, oh Phoney you do. You sing a lovely song to a scale, and the words spell out my name. Oh Phoney. But then you kick me down below, 'cause you know it won't show. How could you?

-King Leer (Linder?/Johnny) (1990)

-Your boyfriend, he went down on one knee...Well, could it be he's only got one knee?

-Your boyfriend, he has the gift of the gab, or, could it be...the gift of the grab?

-Your boyfriend, he has displayed to me more than just a real hint of cruelty.

-Found Found Found (Peter Hogg?/Johnny) (1990)

-Found, found, found...someone who's worth it in this murkiness. Someone who's never seeming to be scheming...(Oh, but if I'd never found)...I do believe that the more you give your love, and I do believe that the more you give your trust...the more you're bound to lose. (Oh, but if I'd never found)...Somebody who wants to be who wants to be with me...all the time.

-The Loop (1990)

-I just want to say I haven't been away. I'm still right here, where I always was. So one day, if you're bored by all means call. Because you can do...but only if you want to. I just want to say I haven't been away. I am still right here, where I always was. So one day, when you're bored by all means call. Because you can do...but you might not get through.

-My Love Life (1991)

-Come on to my house. Come on and do something new. I know you love one person so why can't you love two? (Note: Moz once changed this line to "I know you love one person, but why don't you love two?")

-Give a little something...give a little something to my love life.

-I know you love one person so why don't you love two, love? Love two (Note: Moz once changed this line to "I know you love one person, but why can't you love two?")

-Seasick, Yet Still Docked (1992)

-Wish I knew the way to reach the one I love. There is no way. Wish I had the charm to attract the one I love, but you see, I've got no charm.

-Tonight I've consumed much more than I can hold. Oh, this is very clear to you. And you can tell I have never really loved. You can tell by the way I sleep all day, and all of my life no one gave me anything...My love is as sharp as a needle in your eye. You must be such a fool to pass me by.

-I Know It's Gonna Happen Someday (1992)

-My love, wherever you are, whatever you are - don't lose faith. I know it's gonna happen someday to you. Please wait...

-You say that the day just never arrives, and it's never seemed so far away. Still, I know it's gonna happen someday to you.

-Tomorrow (1992)

-All I ask of you is one thing that you never do - would you put your arms around me? I won't tell anyone. Tomorrow...does it have to come?

-And what must come before. Oh, the pain in my arms. Oh, the pain in my legs. Oh, my shiftless body. Tomorrow. It's surely nearer now. You don't think I'll make it. I never said I wanted to - well, did I?

-All I ask of you is would you tell me that you love me. Tell me, tell me that you love me. Ah, I know you don't mean it.

-I'd Love To (1993)

-Again I lay awake, and I cried because of waste. I'd love to, but only with you...Oh, time is gonna wipe us out. There, I've said it loud and clear so that you will hear. There's no one in view. Just you...and time will never wipe you out. Now I've had enough. I've had more than could be my rightful share of nights I can't bear. How can it be fair? Time must wipe them out. So, again, I lay awake in a trance. Oh, I just want my chance, but only with you...that's all...

-Spring-Heeled Jim (1993)

-Spring-heeled Jim lives to love. Now kissing with his mouth full, and his eyes on some other fool. So many women - his head should be spinning. Ah, but no!

-Spring-heeled Jim slurs the words: "There's no need to be so knowing. Take life at five times your average speed, like I do."

-Billy Budd (1993)

-Say, Billy Budd. So you think that you should? Everyone's laughing! Since I took up with you. Things have been bad. Yeah, but now it's twelve years on. Now it's twelve years on. Yes, and I took up with you.

-Yes, and it's all because of us. Oh, and what was in our eyes...I said, Billy Budd I would happily lose both of my legs...I would lose both of my legs if it meant you could be free.

-Hold On to Your Friends (1993)

-A bond of trust has been abused. Something of value may be lost. Give up your job. Squander your cash - be rash. Just hold on to your friends. There are more than enough to fight and oppose. Why waste good time fighting the people you like? Who will fall defending your name?

-But now you only call me when you're feeling depressed. When you feel happy I'm so far from your mind. My patience is stretched. My loyalty vexed.

-Be mad, be rash. Smoke and explode. Sell all of your clothes. Just bear in mind: Oh, there just might come a time when you need some friends.

-Speedway (1993) (Johnny/Issues with the NME)

-And when you slam down the hammer can you see it in your heart? All of the rumors...keeping me grounded. I never said, I never said that they were completely unfounded.

-So when you slam down the hammer can you see it in your heart? Can you delve so low? And when you're standing on my fingers can you see it in your heart? And when you try to break my spirit it won't work, because there's nothing left to break...anymore.

-You won't sleep until the earth that wants me finally has me. Oh you've done it now. You won't rest. Until the hearse that becomes me finally takes me...And you won't smile until my loving mouth is shut good and proper. Forever.

-And all those lies, written lies, twisted lies. Well, they weren't lies. They weren't lies...I never said...I could have mentioned your name. I could have dragged you in. Guilt by implication. By association. I've always been true to you in my own strange way. I've always been true to you in my own sick way. I'll always stay true to you.

-You Must Please Remember (1994)

-A small boy, big ideas. You must please remember. A long road, with no turn-off. Oh, you must remember. Caught in your headlights like a frightened animal. You must remember. Someone cries twice nightly. Of course, I do remember. Someone cries, and you think quite rightly so, but you refuse to remember.

-Low-lights and long nights. I try hard to not remember. And you - too beautiful. I can't look. I've done so very many stupid things. It's too late.

-Honey, You Know Where To Find Me (1994)

-Honey, I'm not gonna cry for the things that never occurred. So do not remind me. Happy to be as I was in the first place. Honey you know where to find me...Kicking away from the mundane everyday. The envy is beyond me. I'm not gonna pine for the things that can never be mine. Do not expect me to. I'm happy to be who I was in the first place.

-Whatever Happens I Love You (1994)

-Names, secret names, but never in my favour. But when all is said and done - it's you I love. Cold loving prose. We stole each other's clothes, but when all is said and done - it's you I love. Yes, yes, yes, oh, yes. (Note: Moz often sings this as 'we wore each other's clothes')

-Fights for rights. Everyone's oh so quick with advice, and when they've all said their piece - it's still you I love. Now just like then...yes, yes. No, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.

-You Should Have Been Nice to Me (Jake?/Johnny) (1994/1995)

-You could have told me at the right time. You could have introduced me proudly. Never need to have to kiss me. Never need to ever touch me, but you should have been nice to me. It would have been so easy. And on the moments when I was down you could have been there. You could have once just spoke in favor. You'd never need to ever touch me. But you should have been nice to me...It wouldn't cost you money. And on the moments when I fell down - not for you to say, oh, I told you so. You could have waited...

-Trouble Loves Me (1996/1997)

-Trouble loves me. Trouble needs me. Two things more than you do, or would attempt to. So, console me. Otherwise, hold me. Just when it seems like everything's evened out, and the balance seems serene...

-Trouble loves me. Walks beside me. To chide me. Not to guide me. It's still much more than you'll do.

-Go to waste in the wrong arms. Still running 'round. Trouble loves me. Seeks and finds me. To charlatanize me, which is only as it should be. Oh, please fulfill me. Otherwise, kill me.

-Then at midnight I can't get you out of my head. A disenchanted taste...still running 'round.

-Heir Apparent (1996/1997)

-It's all changed. You were there. Departing, starting a trek I had once took. With that "no-one's gonna stop me when I feel this way" look.

-You think it's so easy, I tell you - it isn't. But you may change minds with your winning smile.

-So I tried to make my way back to the station. You were still there, gleaming and leaving. Wide-eyed and awestruck, saying "How can anybody hate me if I love them first off?"

-Heir apparent. You say that you want it, I'm sure that you'll get it. They'll seduce your heart, and then they'll slap your arse.

-The Edges Are No Longer Parallel (1997)

-All of the things you said...so meaningful. They are all so suddenly meaningless. And the looks you gave...so meaningful. They are all so suddenly meaningless.

-My only mistake is I keep hoping...

-I Like You (Jake/Johnny) (2000-2002)

-Something in you caused me to take a new tact with you. You were going through something I had just about scraped through. Why do you think I let you get away with the things you say to me? Could it be I like you? It's so shameful of me - I like you. No one I ever knew or have spoken to resembles you. This is good or bad all depending on my general mood.

-Magistrates who spend their lives hiding their mistakes - they look at you and I, and envy makes them cry. Envy makes them cry. Forces of containment. They shove their fat faces into mine. You and I just smile, because we're thinking the same line.

-You're not right in the head, and nor am I, and this is why...you're not right in the head, and nor am I, and this is why...this is why I like you.

-Let Me Kiss You (Jake?/Johnny?) (2000-2002)

-There's a place in the sun for anyone who has the will to chase one. And I think I've found mine...so close your eyes. And think of someone you physically admire, and let me kiss you.

-Say, would you let me cry, on your shoulder. I've heard that you'll will try anything twice. (Note: Moz often sings this as 'you'll try anyone twice')

-But then you open your eyes, and you see someone that you physically despise. But my heart is open. My heart is open to you.

-Friday Mourning (2004)

-For years, I warned you. Through tears, I told you.

-This dawn raid soon put paid to all the things I'd whispered to you at night time. And I will never stand naked in front of you, or if I do, it won't be for a long time. Look once to me, look once to me - then look away. Look once to me, then look away.

-The Never-Played Symphonies (2004)

-I can't see those who tried to love me, or those who felt they understood me. And I can't see those who very patiently put up with me. All I can see are the never-laid, or the never played symphonies.

-You were one, you meant to be one. And you jumped into my face and laughed and kissed me on the cheek. And then were gone forever. Not quite.

-You were one, you knew you were one. And you slid right through my fingers. No, not literally, but metaphorically. And now you're all I see as the light fades.

-I Am Two People (2004)

-I love you. It's murder. I am two people. One you know, but don't like. The other one you don't know, but you don't want to.

-I love you. It's pointless. In my soul if I live or die this life.

-I have two faces. One of which you know. The other one, for your sake, I never would show. It's just because I love you. I cannot bear to be around you, and if only one or the other of us would drop down dead.

-You Have Killed Me (2005)

-Pasolini is me. 'Accattone' you'll be. I entered nothing and nothing entered me 'til you came with the key. And you did your best, but as I live and breathe - you have killed me.

-And there is no point saying this again - there is no point saying this again, but I forgive you, I forgive you. Always I do forgive you.

-Life is a Pigsty (2005)

-And once again I turn to you. Once again, I do. I turn to you.

-Life is a pigsty. And if you don't know this then what do you know? Every second of my life I only live for you. And you can shoot me, and you can throw me off a train. I still maintain...

-I can't reach you. I can't reach you. I can't reach you anymore. Can you please stop time? Can you stop the pain? I feel too cold. And now I feel too warm again. Can you stop this pain? Can you stop this pain? Even now in the final hour of my life I'm falling in love again...again.

-I Just Want to See the Boy Happy (2005)

-I want to see the boy happy with some hope in his pale eyes. Is that too much to ask?

-I want to see the boy happy with his arms around his first love. Is that too much to ask? Before I die I have one final dream. For my own life I don't care anything. And I just want to...I want to see this boy happy. Why is this such a bad thing?

-To Me You Are A Work of Art (Jake?/Johnny?) (2005)

-I see the world. It makes me puke. But then I look at you and know that somewhere there's a someone who can soothe me.

-To me you are a work of art. And I would give you my heart - that's if I had one.

-Black Cloud (2007)

-The one I love is standing near. The one I love is everywhere. I can woo you. I can amuse you, but there is nothing I can do to make you mine. Black cloud, black cloud. The one I love roosts in the mind. Can snap this spell, or increase hell. I can chase you, and I can catch you, but there is nothing I can do to make you mine.

-I play the game of favorites now. I can, I must. I will, I do. I can please you, or I can freeze you out, but there is nothing I can do to make you mine. Black cloud, black cloud, black cloud...I can choke myself to please you, and I can sink much lower than usual. But there's nothing I can do to make you mine.

-Sorry Doesn't Help (2007)

-Sorries pour out of you. All wide-eyed simple smiles. Certain to see you through like a QC full of fake humility. You say: "Oh, please forgive..." You say: "Oh, live and let live..." But sorry doesn't help us, and sorry will not save us, and sorry will not bring my teen years back to me any time soon. Forced back, it springs right out. Seasoned, you have no doubts. You lied about the lies that you told - which is the full extent of what being you is all about.

-Sorry will not bring my love into my arms as far as I know...

-Sorry is just a word you find so easy to say...So you say it anyway. Sorry doesn't help us. Sorry won't protect us. Sorry won't undo all the good gone wrong, my love.

-I'm Ok By Myself (2007)

-Now this might surprise you, but I find I'm ok by myself. And I don't need you, or your morality to save me.

-Now this might disturb you, but I find I'm ok by myself, and I don't need you or your benevolence to make sense.

-After all these years I find I'm ok by myself. And I don't need you, or your homespun philosophy. No, no, no, no...This might make you throw up in your bed: I'm ok by myself! And I don't need you, and I never have, I never have.

-Forgive Someone (2010-2014)

-Use a weapon of words, or a fight with your fists. But can you forgive someone? Stand your ground and persist, and be the last one to blink - but can you forgive someone? And if you do...I'll run to you. Betray you? With a word? I would slit my own throat first of all, I will. The black peat of the hills...when I was still ill. See this mess and forgive someone, and then recall if you can...how all this even began.

-Our truth will die with me. Our truth will die with me...Shorts and supports and faulty shower heads. At track and field we dreamt of our beds. In the bleachers you sit with your legs spread, smiling: "Here's one thing you'll never have." Our truth will die with me.

-Home is a Question Mark (written 2003, released 2017)

-I hug the land but nothing more, because I haven't met you. I've wined and I've dined with every bogus music mogul. No sign of you.

-I have been brave. Deep in every shaven cave. None were you.

-If I ever find home...if I get there, would you meet me? Wrap your legs around my face just to greet me.

-My Love, I'd Do Anything for You (possibly?) (2017)

-My love, I'd do anything for you. Society's hell. You need me just like I need you.

-You know me well. My love, I'd do anything for you.

-We all go our own ways, separately in the same direction, and here am I every night of my life always missing someone. I'd like to be rotted out just before I become aware of the pain. The more I wish in my heart for someone less likely they come.

-Never Again Will I Be A Twin (2017) (Possibly?)

-Never again will I be a twin. The operation went well, but the patient died. Never again will there be a smile to wipe off my face once it's too much. In a twin-like realm, in the plastic arts of falling in love, what a joke that was. What a joke that was.

-Darling, I Hug A Pillow (2020)

-Darling, I hug a pillow in absence of you. Darling, I hug a pillow to replace your face. Loving you is a trauma no one else should face, or sit still for. Why can't you give me some physical love?

-Darling, you will cry for me in the years to come. In the hope of a moment that cannot return...thankfully. Why can't you bring figs all pulpy and moist? Roasted in passion and salty in voice? No longer keeping a secret of your secret place.

Youtube Playlist

[lefetellc]

Eerie Dating other Eris-Sonas :3

Okay so after the first round of dating, I think it's time we get some sonas who get a glimpse of a submissive-like Eerie (for varying reasons) Also, there isn't much art here; I did plan to draw them with Eerie, but I lost energy from so much Eerie lol

With the intro over, let the Eris games... begin!

.

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First is Lee by @0x0y0z0

Instead of highschool, Eerie meets Lee at the start of college

I imagine that instead of Eerie approaching first, it would be Lee

Lee is either extremely forward or always beating around the bush because of his excessive awkwardness

Now, the reason Lee would confess to Eerie could be for differing reasons

One could be that Lee wanted to enjoy a more extroverted-life and get over his extreme awkwardness

Another could be that Lee is interested in Eerie's... eerie behavior. Eerie is always walking around college with a thick backpack and a constant aroma of gunpowder from him. For those reasons, Lee concluded that Eerie was secretly carrying guns around school

Either way, Eerie would welcome Lee with open arms and a cheery :3 smile

To Eerie, Lee was a loner with a dark aesthetic. And if you know anything about Eerie, you'd know he loves that dark theme

Eerie would talk to Lee about joining his friend group after they talk a bit more, probably in passing through classes

When Lee reluctantly agrees, Eerie excitedly bring him to meet Villa, Desmond, and Seph

Judging from everyone's attitude, everyone would accept Lee into the friend group

Villa and Desmond will have their suspicions

Eerie has brought certain... people to school. And they'd all leave with that familiar toxic, smoke-like scent Eerie carried.

After hanging out more; weekdays, weekends, and pretty much any free hour, Eerie would buddy up with Lee

Eerie loved hanging out with such a quiet loner. In comparison to Milo (who isn't in this story) Milo is also a loser like Lee in terms of awkwardness, but what Lee has over Milo is style

It's one of the only reasons Eerie keeps Lee around

Eerie enjoys touching and messing with Lee's hair and clothes. Pocketing buttons and photos taken to laugh at later with his other 'friends'

When Eerie got too close and intimate with Lee, Lee would shoot him a deathly gaze and force Eerie off

The sudden change would excite Eerie, prompting him to hit and whisper in Lee's ear

Similar to other sonas, Eerie wanted to incite something in Lee so he'd do something drastic and eye-catching

After probing and picking at Lee's skin for a whole year, he'd crack and finally pin Eerie down.

Eerie gulps, feeling his heart race at the shorter boy on top of him

The cold tiles beneath his back didn't ease his heart, and oh god, he loved it

He loved every second of having that excitement when Lee finally cracked and bared his teeth

This is how their relationship goes. Eerie would constantly step on Lee's coattails to get him to dominate Eerie again-- get his heart pumping more and more

Once Lee gets used to the typical tricks and plays, Eerie steps up his teasing to abusive levels

Their toxic relationship probably 'ends' with Lee dramatically hurting Eerie so the tall man would be sent to the hospital

But even then, Eerie would only run back again only this time with actual guns and a hot fighting spirit to go again. Eerie wants to prolong that adrenaline rush as long as possible.

Eerie sees Lee as a game to give him more excitement, similar to those life-or-death horror movies where the stakes are high.

He won't be letting Lee go anytime soon, as much as he punches or hurts Eerie back

Next is Portia by @emipotato :3

Similar to Eerie, Portia would be holed up inside her house all day and night.

Eerie found that interesting: so other parents rob kids of their childhood, huh?

He'd feel a small level of connection with Portia, but he'd never outwardly approach her because she wasn't interesting *enough*

It was in middle school that Eerie caught Portia stalking him; he felt grossed out but mildly intrigued. What made her do such a thing?

That was all he felt in middle school; he never let Portia know he was keeping tabs on her

In High school is when Eerie finally let himself be free. He'd bring guns to school and vibrate with excitement every time people curiously stepped closer to his bag.

Nobody knew he had such things inside his bag; his mom and dad didn't know either, even though they were the ones who bought the equipment

On an especially cold day, Eerie left his p.e clothes in his bookbag and opted to stay in his regular outfit

When the period finally ended, he returned to his bag and found the entire thing a mess. The magazine which was already full of bullets was missing one. He knew; he counted each of them every night with joy

His clothes were messed with aswell; there were muddy marks and ruffles in his original perfectly folded unfirom.

He eyed the students around; who could've touched it? Various kids played on the field and got themselves dirty from the mud

After all, it had rained yesterday

He scowled and furiously demanded the person who did it to stand up; he didn't talk about his gun, but people were still firghtened

He noted how nobody stand up

The following night, he made sure every student was innocent by telling his 'friends' to keep a watchful eye on them. If they complied properly, he'd let them shoot a few shots at his shooting range at his house

And complied they did; he got reports from each guy telling him how their target's bags were empty of the bullet. None of them had dirty hands either.

He was even more infuriated - so much that he was tempted to shoot one of his friends right then and there- but he held back and gave them his catty smile.

"I want you to fucking think; use that dumbass brain of yours for once and understand what I'm saying. Find the stupid asshole who stole my bullet and bring them to me or else I'll have your head on the news tomorrow."

His friends nodded weakly, going their separate ways. Originally, they planned to coordinate a random student to put the blame on; that was until a mysterious girl stepped up from the shadows

She confessed: "I did it"

They looked dumbfounded. It was really that easy?

They looked at her skeptically. One of the boys recognized her as that sickly kid who always arrived late from school with a dcotor's note. Not to mention the terrible earthy smell coming from her.

Nevertheless, they brought her back to Eerie.

Eerie raised a brow, interested in why an ugly girl like her would do such a thing.

However, it was when it clicked; the earthy smell coming from her came from the rain that came down yesterday. That meant she was outside; for what reason? Only Eerie could answer

Outside his window the previous night, he saw her standing in the rain outside his window.

He couldn't deny that her desperation was amusing. Not exciting, but amusing. Like a joke you'd have when you're breaking up the silence

Eerie decided that he'd let her hang around. Their relationship would be very ambiguous, since Eerie never told anyone about them officially dating. In fact, you could say it was a one-sided relationship

Eerie didn't bother texting Portia back; he didn't gift her anything nor did he comfort her when she got sick from waiting in the rain weather

Eerie made her wait; waiting and waiting until college when he finally told her to fuck off.

Eerie thought she was amusing, but now she was just a clown wearing a tatterd old uniform. The joke wasn't funny anymore and Eerie was finally letting his emotions out.

His memory is very blurry after that.

Eerie couldn't recall much other than Portia saying how he needed to get his mind straight

After that, Eerie found himself being isolated in a basement (Typical Yandere behavior perhaps?)

Eerie would remain in that basement for a year, being restless and whining about 'entertainment' and how 'disgusting and boring' everything was.

Portia would have him inside her basement for however long she wanted; the darkness would corrode at Eerie's will at some point, hopefully

Over that timespan, Portia would dote on Eerie and give him love and affection so she'd be seen as more of a romantic partner for him rather than a clown

This may be ooc for Portia, but for her this was her breaking point. She'd been ignored for so long, and after getting a small glimpse of a romantic life with Eerie, she couldn't let go of it

That's where their relationship ends or rather begins, in Portia's eyes

Eerie is locked up and bound inside her basement, surrendered to her continuous methods of swaying him

It's unknown if he actually ever submits, but he's very close to. The unbearing loneliness makes him crave something, anything exciting

Portia was his only entertainment in that isolation

In the end, Eerie forever sees Portia as entertainment or some gag to laugh at. I doubt Portia will ever pursue a real relationship with Eerie.

This marks the end of Eerie dating pt2!

Hopefully I can get through some more Eris-sonas, but who knows *shrug*

:3

[innerchorus]

Arslan Senki Chapter 134

Things are feeling pretty high stakes right now. The fact that Kishward was badly wounded but didn't die here makes me even more worried that someone else won't be so lucky (we didn't see them but I'm still fretting about Kubard and Isfan).

Horrific scenes as the winged apes descend on Ecbatana, people panic, try to hide inside and get the doors shut even at the cost of the lives of those still outside trying to get in... and then the creatures come through an open window to devour them. It's just... total and unprecedented chaos in the streets.

Pleased to see some of the Parsian soldiers holding it together enough to have a go at shooting them down and defending themselves against a threat they've never seen the likes of before, though. Arrows work. The creatures can be killed. There's just... so many of them, and they're not used to fighting enemies that come from the sky. Doesn't look like they're going to win.

Oh hello.

Forgive me, I've apparently turned into a Holy Master enjoyer

Three centuries would have been... a lot of generations for people back then. It is surprising that details like the winged apes have been lost from memory despite their visual presence in ancient freezes, but it's not totally unbelievable I guess. And there's room for the headcanon that knowledge of them and their creation may have been suppressed so as to avoid anything similar happening again. I wonder whether Farangis, as a priestess, knows anything more? We'll see.

Anyway I really did enjoy that little glimpse of the bastard himself atop Ecbatana's very highest point. He's having the best day. Hopefully someone will ruin his fun soon.

The way my heart froze for a second when we skipped locations to Peshawar because I was in fear that winged apes might have been sent there, too, but it's only a well-timed scene featuring Ayyar before shit gets real with Kishward's fight against Manuchurh.

Ayyar's definitely being set up as a future hero of the next generation, both with this scene and Kishward's words later. Maybe we'll see a flash-forward of him stepping into that role when he's a bit older, maybe we won't.

Anyway the fight had me on the edge of my seat but Kishward delivered, sacrificing his left arm in the end. Guess I'll never get the scene of Gurgin standing on Kubard's sword but Manuchurh balancing barefoot on both of Kishward's blades was a good panel.

The defeated Manuchurh's lament shows the great sorrow these warriors must feel over their fates... perhaps it's this torment that allowed for Team Zahhak to bring them back? Maybe that's what that 'unfinished business' comment was about? Kishward being able to bring some relief by speaking of Arslan's feats and the hope he brings to Pars, and of how in time Ayyar will serve Arslan appeared to bring comfort to his spirit and allow it to depart at last, leaving only his severed head behind after the sorcery-created body disintegrated.

It gives me some hope that we will see the same thing happen with the remaining undead warriors; that they will be defeated in battle and their torment eased by the words of comrades/friends/family.

Kishward feeling that Andragoras's death was his fault (accepting undead Manuchurh's criticism) doesn't surprise me, but it seems he views his injury as 'payment' of sorts for that failure and as such, I don't think he intends to dwell on it as he might have done otherwise. In fact, despite the state of his arm (which I guess may have to be amputated?) he's in very high spirits! He hasn't seen the winged apes yet, though.

Hmmm, Kishward offering the loss of his arm as a token of penitence to Manuchurh does make me wary that we'll see similar sacrifices needing to be made against the other undead warriors. That's... an alarming thought.

Tears of blood confirmed.

Or maybe it's black sorcery ooze, but whatever.

The way the light just goes out of his eyes and his soul(?) is just... gone. Oof. When I think about seeing that happen with Shapur, or what Kharlan's last conversation might be like...

But we will need to wait another month at least before we see that.

It looks like Tus versus Khayr is next.

But did you guys spot it?

So this fight must be happening in the vicinity of what's going on between Sam and Garshasp? Unless it's a mistake or translation error, but that seems unlikely. I'm making a mental note to check the raw when I see it.

[inconveniently-discorporated]

Hello,

What do you think about that really 'not like Aziraphael' smile of Aziraphael's at the very end of the credits?

Honestly, I have half a dozen competing theories about it in my head.

My favorite theory comes from a sentence from one of the fanfics I shoved into the back room a couple years ago (aka I never finished/published it). The sentence goes something like this:

Whenever a fresh wave of paranoia came over him, he would force a smile back onto his face, and think of the greater good. At one point, he had a seatmate. Somewhere between the fourth errant smile and tenth, Aziraphale had looked up to discover that his seatmate had unceremoniously abandoned him.

Like -- you know how they say doing a power pose will literally make you feel more powerful, or forcing a smile or a laugh will literally release happy chemicals? That's what I feel like he's doing at the end, and it looks just as deranged as I imagined it would when I wrote that sentence (hence scaring off the poor seatmate).

He honestly looks a bit off his rocker, and I think he kind of is. He went from an emotional high of landing this massive opportunity (so he sees it), to having his balloon popped in one fell swoop by Crowley. He almost didn't go, but then decided to anyway. He must be so amped up on every emotion in that moment. There's tremendous pressure, both from the Metatron/Heaven and his own determination that he is NOT going to be proven wrong about this.

There's moments in his expression -- those little micro flinches Michael Sheen is so well-loved for, where you can see the facade beginning to crumble. You can see, like beams of light filtering their way through cracks in the clouds, where the gravity of it all starts to pull at him again. He then quickly repairs those cracks, perhaps by reminding himself of all the wonderful and beautiful things he thinks Heaven should be, all the things he wants to do.

Another smile. He's not an idiot. He'll show Crowley. He'll show them all. He CANNOT break. It's too late, he's already gone. He's in it now, and especially now that he knows what's at stake (the second coming), he has to do this, in his mind. And he will. He's going to. He stopped the apocalypse! He's honest and a leader! So Michael and Uriel still hate him -- he has the Voice of God at his back! They won't ever do to another angel what they did to him.

The final smile, covering up the biggest doubts. He's going to do this. He HAS to do this. It's time to stop thinking about what just happened. He's about to step into a hive of bees, and he had better hope the colony doesn't reject him as their new leader.

And they won't, he's assuring himself. That bigger smile, the one that somehow crinkles his eyes -- because he knows that's what smiles are supposed to do -- but never reaches them all the same. I think he's wearing that smile the way Crowley wears his glasses, with his real feelings buried deep inside, where no one can find them -- not even himself. Because he can't let that happen. Because he has to succeed.

[shiongenkai]

Yuri and Frostheim

AKA another unnecessarily long analysis on a fairly straightforward fact. I can't help it! It's my nature. Just as Yuri is to classical music and occasionally incorrect facts I am to stupid long posts. I'm sorry and it will happen again this is a promise.

Anyway... same deal as always. Analysis under the read-more, tl;dr right here.

Yuri fits Frostheim ideals more than Mortkranken, and until he learns to play nice with his ex-house, he won't truly embody Mortkranken and be an effective captain and leader.

To start with a very basic explanation of how I perceive house ideals, I use Hyde's brief explanation of the houses from the prologue as a basis of the weighing, as well as other observations from a character archetype and thematic standpoint. This isn't a perfect system, but I've found that every character fits their current house, past house, or both, with the categories becoming a lot easier to recognise once you notice it.

So with that in mind, let's take a look first at both Frostheim and Mortkranken's ideals, and then look at both Yuri AND Jiro, the captain and vice-captain.

Hyde describes Frostheim as the following:

Values success; self-confident and relentless in pursuit of goals

On the other hand, he describes Mortkranken as:

Values intelligence; insightful and can observe things objectively

I think you can already see where this is going if you're familiar with him in any capacity.

I'm going to make something abundantly clear: Yuri Isami is a genius and I will not try to state otherwise. He is incredibly intelligent, and he certainly sees it as an important criteria in other people as showcased by his quizzing of the MC and constant insults towards those he thinks of as lesser.

He is also insightful when it comes to things that were previously unknown to the MC. Many of his explanations are in-depth and concrete; the MC understands more than she had before he explained it. In these ways, he does fit Mortkranken and its ideals, but if you take a closer look at his character in general, you'll find these traits are masking others, and you'll find that the final Mortkranken ideal, objectivity, is entirely absent from him.

A scene that sticks out to me in particular with Yuri is the one when his cure doesn't fully work. It is, for the most part, a success in the sense that our immune system is bolstered, even if it was a failure on our curse. A model Mortkranken student would react like Jiro. A matter of fact 'this is the results, and nothing more.' They would likely feel more disappointed that it didn't work, but the chances of them immediately moving onto the next try is high. They're researchers after all, and there's always chances of failure within the field. That's part of testing out new hypotheses. Results are undeniably important, but results are gained through failure upon failure. Success is aimed for and celebrated when achieved. Failure is a part of life.

But Yuri is totally shell-shocked. The MC even mentions that he seems more upset about it than her, because to Yuri success is the only option. There is no room for failure in his mind, because he isn't able to find meaning in the failure like others can. Yuri stakes everything on every experiment. He is, in this way, extremely egotistical. You can see this ego in the way he talks about other doctors and students, and even the staff themselves.

Yuri is in essence choosing to associate his achievements with himself. If he succeeds, it is because of his innate genius, because he himself is a success. Likewise, he treats failure as a personal failure. The cure didn't succeed, so Yuri Isami is a failure. And if Yuri Isami is a failure, then...?

And in order to get around this, Yuri takes to two personality traits. One is the aforementioned bravado and ego; if people see him as a success, he is a success. The other is an incredibly large amount of effort and time spent to maintain his position as a genius. I think this trait is overlooked in lieu of many other things, but Yuri is constantly sleep deprived because of his relentless pursuit of research and knowledge. He values this work more than his own health (even if he remembers presentation-based care, like bathing) to the point where he will do multiple all-nighters, and make Jiro do them too.

Compare this to Jiro, who has a similar schedule to Yuri, but frequently complains about it (in a very monotone, neutral way). While Yuri is content to work until he passes out, Jiro comments on how he just wonders when they'll be able to sleep again. Jiro also doesn't seem to place much importance on his own explanations, or on his minor corrections in Yuri's explanations. He is just looking at it matter-of-factly. Yuri did a long explanation; he summarised. Yuri got something wrong; he corrected it.

This laissez-faire attitude extends to his own research too, like when he made an incredible discovery and seemed almost indifferent to it, calling it an accident. The success was nice, he aims for success, but it's a result of the process of science as opposed to the end all be all. He doesn't mind failure because failure is inevitable. Something doesn't work out? Oh well.

Jiro is by far the most extreme possible example of Mortkranken ideals given his circumstances, but it's interesting to see how he contrasts Yuri, and how Yuri needs him just as much as Jiro needs him. In the Auction chapter, it's Jiro who brokers the deal, because he can think about it objectively. If Romeo says no, what's the harm done to either side? And if he says yes, isn't that good? Meanwhile, Yuri is focusing on the personal bias between them, and thinking only of a world in which it fails, which is why he's adamantly against it.

There is no objectivity in Yuri's mind, even with other people. He is always evaluating his chances of failure versus success, and if success isn't something he thinks is achievable, he starts to fall apart. You see this in the Mortkranken chapter when he can't solve the problem even with his stigma. He's failing. Again. And it's killing him inside.

This conflict between him and his house ideals thematically presents as him having less sway as Captain than other houses. He claims his house is a live and let live type of house, which is what Hotarubi is too, but Subaru is respected and listened to, even as a fairly unconfident, mysterious captain.

Think back to the Mortkranken chapter and the scene when he asks the general students to assist. They say it's too dangerous and refuse, and Yuri chooses to (essentially) bribe them to get them to help. I believe if it were reversed, if Jiro were there, he'd likely point out the simple fact that if they don't help, they'll definitely die. If they do help, they might not die. He'd be able to lay out the objective facts easier, and they would probably listen, since a chance of not dying is better than a definite death.

Yuri's students do have a moment of high respect for their captain though, and this is when he's discussing the reason WHY he pushed the pod out. The explanation on the acid versus the immortal creature was objective and insightful. If something destroys endlessly as something else grows endlessly, it will create stasis. His concise and insightful explanation is finally like the Mortkranken ideal, and the students eat it up!

There's also another minor thing that connects more to Frostheim than Mortkranken: Yuri's obsession with money and the budget.

Obviously this is practical, i.e. a lab can't run without funding, but if we think of him as being used to Frostheim's lavish building and spending (with an added layer of Frostheim being the nepo baby house, i.e. the house with wealthy sponsors and their kids) then it makes sense that he never sees the budget as high enough, especially when he's directly comparing it to the Institute, and Frostheim as a whole.

Finally, I just want to reiterate that Yuri isn't stupid. He's very, very smart, and he does belong in Mortkranken. But when you compare him to Jiro, or even other Frostheim students, it feels almost comical how much he resembles a Frostheim student than a Mortkranken one. Even if you take into account Tohma, who wasn't originally Frostheim but still embodies its ideals too, Yuri is still an outlier in his own house. It's interesting that he resembles the house he isn't able to let go of so thoroughly, and I believe that the only way he can grow as a Mortkranken student is to let go of his obsession with Frostheim.

The more he lets Frostheim dictate his life and his sense of self, the less he will connect with Mortkranken, and the worse off the dorm will be. They're not doing bad, but I'd argue they aren't flourishing to their full capacity. Yuri is capable of being the perfect captain. But he has to let go of his fear of failure, the same fear that permeates Frostheim, and he has to learn to embrace mistakes and the fear it brings. He has to learn that he can lean on others for support, like Jiro, and that he isn't the center of the world.

... And that's it for now! I think Yuri is fascinating to study. He's obviously incredibly intelligent and capable, but it often feels like he's just trying to hype himself up and hide behind it. I love to see his silly moments where he lets his guard down and just has fun, like the classical music singalongs, and I hope to see more of it. I also like how he maintains his connection through tea. Darjeeling, Jin's favorite.

And, finally for real, I think his name is also interesting to analyze (especially since it uses the kanji for both 'assistant' and 'to assist') but I haven't quite been able to do that in depth yet... but when I do I'll write a post about the names in TD and how they connect to their characters. There's some interesting ones, like Hotarubi being the Three Sacred Treasures, or Sinostra having connections to brand names.

Thank you for reading, if you made it this far! If you see any mistakes please tell me. I love to write stupid early and post without proofreading as fully as I should...

[nalyra-dreaming]

Are we ever told in the books if Armand actually regrets what he did to Claudia? Does he have genuine remorse?

.... I think it is implied.

It... does read as if he does? At least a bit. But... it's "only" implied:

Let me say here, she was herself again, hideously wounded, a botched reassemblage of the angelic child she'd been before my attempts, when she was locked out in the brutal morning to meet her death with a clear mind. The fire of Heaven destroyed the awful unhealed evidence of my Satanic surgery as it turned her to a monument in ash. No evidence remained of her last hours within the torture chamber of my makeshift laboratory. No one need ever have known what I say now. For many a year, she haunted me. I could not strike from my mind the faltering image of her girlish head and tumbling curls fixed awkwardly with gross black stitching to the flailing, faltering and falling body of a female vampire whose discarded head I'd thrown into the fire. Ah, what a grand disaster was that, the child-headed monster woman unable to speak, dancing in a frenetic circle, the blood gurgling from her shuddering mouth, her eyes rolling, arms flapping like the broken bones of invisible wings. It was a truth I vowed to conceal forever from Louis de Pointe du Lac and all whoever questioned me. Better let them think that I had condemned her without trying to effect her escape, both from the vampires of the theatre and from the wretched dilemma of her small, enticing, flat-chested and silken-skinned angelic form. She was not fit for deliverance after the failure of my butchery; she was as a prisoner subjected to the cruelty of the rack who can only smile bitterly and dreamily as she is led, torn and miserable, to the final horror of the stake. She was as a hopeless patient, in the reeking antiseptic death cubicle of a modern hospital, freed at last from the hands of youthful and overzealous doctors, to give up the ghost on a white pillow alone. Enough. I won't relive it. I will not. I never loved her. I didn't know how. I carried out my schemes in chilling detachment and with fiendish pragmatism. Being condemned and therefore being nothing and no one, she was a perfect specimen for my whim. That was the horror of it, the secret horror which eclipsed any faith I might have pleaded later in the high-blown courage of my experiments. And so the secret remained with me, with Armand, who had witnessed centuries of unspeakable and refined cruelties, a story unfit for the tender ears of a desperate Louis, who could never have borne such descriptions of her degradation or suffering, and who did not truly, in his soul, survive her death, cruel as it was.

... I think, in his own way, he does. He says she haunted him, as that "failed experiment".

But he says it there, in the end, he has "witnessed centuries of unspeakable and refined cruelties"... and I think it desensitized him.

And so I think he knows he regrets it, and probably feels it, deep within, but cannot quite articulate it, if that makes sense.

[ladyluscinia]

Tashi/Patrick + No Art = disaster fling. Tashi withholds easy (non-sexual) affection like vulnerability will kill her instantly. Patrick has massive commitment issues and defensively frames everything as a joke that he can pull back from at any time. It's impossible to resolve how your relationship is failing to meet your emotional needs if both parties are allergic to treating it more seriously than fuck buddies who could go find someone else at any time. They are constantly on the edge of a blowout fight because they understand each other instinctively but use that understanding mostly for sex and knowing who wins more points in the argument. On a tennis level, Patrick gets it but he is too comfortable as is and lacks a guiding reason to strive, which is even more infuriating than if he didn't get it at all because the wasted potential is constant. And Art in this situation is swallowed by jealousy, like a big ugly pit in his center. His inferiority complex is at an all time high (the second choice twice) and while it does give him some motivation to improve, mostly the spikes of envy/rage derail his focus and trap him in his own negative spirals. He seethes at tennis because he feels like he's always losing before he even steps on the court.

Tashi/Art + No Patrick = cracking under pressure. Tashi's withholding becomes a long term problem when pitted against Art's inferiority issues because she won't be able to stop doing so when it slips over the line from giving him something to strive for to enabling his negative spirals when he really just needs some reassurance. Art is pliable and willing to take direction, but he's also prone to being passive and simply losing energy when Tashi wants him to push back. His quips rarely turn into rallies. He builds low-grade resentment for decisions he's not willing to actually challenge. Tashi likes control but loves a certain kind of adrenaline-junkie spontaneity that gets ground out of Art the longer they are locked in on enabling each other to tunnel vision on optimizing him into the best tennis player ever. On a tennis level, Art is an eternal exercise in frustration because his emotional investment and technical skill are usually a trade-off instead of Tashi's ideal harmony, and she's constantly (and increasingly resentfully) fighting his mental fires for just a spark of real tennis to make it onto the court. Patrick, meanwhile, goes into near permanent flop era because he can't admit he's emotionally starved and his issues make him refuse to chase their coattails out of spite. He embraces the carefree loser persona and lets his own, smaller inferiority complex tell him he won't ever catch up, so why try?

Patrick & Art + No Tashi = I knew that guy in high school. Both deciding against pushing their homoerotic thing too far, and different life goals would probably have just drifted them apart.

Patrick/Art + No Tashi = potential murder-suicide. Patrick is once again non-committal and joking, and Art once again has a lot of jealousy and needs reassurance in the security of his relationship. But where Tashi's withholding at least has an element of she would just leave him if she wanted to, Patrick's eternal hints that there could be a punchline dropping any moment makes Art angrier, not depressed. Art is inclined to compete with Patrick but he doesn't find it as fun and low stakes, and also how do you meaningfully "win" against the guy you are dating and who refuses to take you seriously as a competitor or partner (bringing out the uglier side of the inferiority complex again). Patrick doesn't meaningfully distinguish between when Art is playfully mad at him and genuinely mad at him until he gets his feelings hurt about it, and he still can't talk about those feelings directly. Either a fight goes ugly and they have a messy breakup or Art gets mad enough to kill them both and Patrick just dares him to do it. Tashi probably continues with her life trying to find some other tennis player that can understand the convoluted prism through which she expresses love, but odds are not great because usually romantic partners like it when you can say the words "I love you" and not sound sarcastic about it.