#and like… I’m not gonna say I’m disappointed cuz it’s a great cover of a great song

[crmsndragonwngss]

When we were made

It was no accident

We were tangled up like branches in a flood

I come as a blade

A sacred guardian

So you keep me sharp and test my worth in blood

[mostdisconcerting]

Bad Day=Binging ScarNash

I had an interesting day today. Not in a good way. So as one does in such a situation, I went back to rewatch ScarNash. Cuz they’re my comfort ship.

This is just me reviewing almost every scene of the episode so I can forget that life exists for a little while🙃

Today I picked 4x04. And goodness I do not regret it one bit.

Starting with Patrick and the fat goose line. I’m sorry but why did that have to be so damn funny. “My fellow punters…” and “copious amounts of whiskey”, with his very Frank expression shifted my mood from stressed to joyful immediately. And I only now noticed that as Patrick and Eliza leave to meet Carter, Eliza yeets a paper in Clarence’s direction (or at least she tried).

I applaud Clarence’s “shit the parents are gonna argue if I don’t step in” senses. We love him for them.

I’m gonna make a rare mention of William, but I felt so bad for him when Ivy started talking about her mom’s gout. If I was eating anything resembling her description, I would gag to no end. Ruined the poor dudes snack.

Watching Patrick panic is probably my favorite part of this episode. Bros just pacing up, down, round and round, trying to think of what to do. (He’s literally just me but toned down and with an adult brain 😂)

That scene at Fallons was perfect. That unanimous “who?”, and the cover up that “we do love a little gossip now and then.”. It’s adorable and funny to see these to be in such sync and in such odds as they are.

Also, idk if anyone else noticed but she’s holding his ARM in the stables scene?! How-wha-why did I not notice that?

Poor Fitzroy. He could’ve had a much nicer career with his father out of the way. He’s known for being his father’s son, this way he could learn to be his own man.

We gotta talk about that cab scene. Literally, Patrick was trying to make things better by saying “it’s not your fault they left”, and just made it worse by adding “it’s mine, I should’ve never left you in charge”. She looked so genuinely offended by what he said, only to be shut down cuz they were literally in the middle of investigating.

Then they just break into Fallon’s office like it’s nothing and start bickering about the resignations again. She said she didn’t fire any of them. And then she admitted to firing multiple. Which is great I guess. So… we have that. Then they just hop through the office when someone comes in. Like. They have no right to be this adorable. Why are they literally my grandparents on steroids.

Turns out the lines about Eliza sulking started in this episode, which clearly adds to why she’s pissed when he spends the entirety of 4x05 just telling her she’s sulking and she should not sulk.

Then we have scene where Patrick’s pacing again. And I don’t blame him for making Eliza nervous too. Like he said “good I don’t see why I should suffer alone” (which is a quote I’ve been using way to much in real life recently lol)

Clarence makes his grand entry with some food and the info that Gibson is here. 🙃

And I’m finally going to end on those last two scenes of them together (cuz I skipped William kissing Eliza)

Them blackmailing Carter was hilarious. I mean, we know both of them were hella nervous cuz he could’ve just gunned both of them down there but that’s whatever. I love the little voice moderations and the expressions Eliza and Patrick pass each other basically saying “he’s agreed, now let’s get the hell out of here before he changes his mind and kills us”

Then we got Patrick praising Eliza. That could’ve played out to be an even more heartfelt scene had Eliza not seen the time and ran off. He looked disappointed, but he seemed to let it go (unlike William would’ve as we know) , understanding she probably forgot to do something .

Makes me sad seeing potential like this being flushed down a toilet.

They’re an old married couple and I love that for them🙃

[jodilin65]

FRIDAY, OCTOBER 31, 1997 I had a thought, and it wasn’t a very pleasant one either. It’s common knowledge that major changes to the body, be it good or bad, can be quite shocking to it and therefore, cause irregularities. Well, as I’ve said, the Navane and other garbage they had me on when I was in my teens, knocked my period out of the picture for nearly 3 years. This not smoking has caused me to gain weight and be more constipated than usual, and now I’m wondering what it’s gonna do to my cycle.

Tom went down on me earlier and I didn’t even taste “off.” Usually, right before my period, I taste a bit bitter, he says. Well, I’m still 100% sure I’ll have it before the 1st, but I sure do hope to hell I’m not wrong about that, cuz if my cycle disappears, I’m gonna keep gaining weight for damn sure.

Later…

Still no period, but anytime now.

So far, I’ve been wonderfully wrong about the dog returning and even he hasn’t been around much lately, although Tom said he did see a car next door late at night. Tonight, there isn’t one that I know of, so that’s nice. No music lately, either.

We left about an hour before sundown and stopped for a bite to eat at Dairy Queen. Then we went to the mall and oh my God! Traffic and the mall were sooooo mobbed. A lot of the kids go trick or treating at the mall cuz it’s safer.

Tom didn’t find anything for himself, but with my spending money, I got two really nice journals. One with A tie-dye cover and one with bobcat fur (fake, of course). Three colorful hair scrunchies, and that hair removal system that I was gonna get through the mail. We found it in an “as seen on TV” store. So far, the Agia (hair removal system), is a disappointment. I thought it was too good to be true. This is just so far, though, and it may be more promising than I realize now. I didn’t know this, but according to Tom, hair can hang on after death. This means that after I zap the hair with the tweezers, the hair doesn’t want to let go and fall out right away. It says to do this for 20-40 seconds, but it’s taken me many minutes to remove just a couple of tit hairs. They did say though, that if hairs are resistant, to try again the next day. I hope it’ll work out, and if it does, it’ll take me till I’m 60 to get half the hairs I want removed.

We also stopped to look at the bed we’re gonna be getting. This bed is so cool too, as each side has an air mattress inside and you can use controls to make your side either really soft or super firm. I laid down on it and had him toss around on the other side and could only feel very little movement. I think this will work out great and I’m so excited about it. The only thing I’m not looking forward to is you know what. Same old shit as far as sex goes. I’m used to it, although he keeps insisting that we’ll get the bed and all will work out in sex and pregnancy. He sounds so sure of himself! Does he know something I don’t?

Tom also told me that when we switch insurance, which we’re about to do, I can tell a new GYN I may go to that we just started trying. That way I don’t have to lie and say we’re using rubbers, nor do I have to say we haven’t used anything for the last few years and get pressured with questions and all that shit like with Dr. Rugg. Well, I’m not about to be visiting any crotch doctors. I don’t need to. But if we did have the bed for a while, and had things end up the same just like I see, then what would Tom suggest I tell a crotch doctor if I saw one? I guess I’d have to say we use rubbers. That’d be best and the easiest way to get around any personal questions I don’t want to answer and deal with, but hopefully I’ll never have to see one again. I’d never seen one again unless I was pregnant, and then afterward too, but that’s not gonna happen.

Anyway, as soon as we get the Visa card we’re waiting for, he’ll call an 800 number and order the bed for UPS to ship us. Then we’ll go get this matching comforter/sheet set we saw at Sears, where Bob Vila was signing autographs. This guy with a show on home repairs.

THURSDAY, OCTOBER 30, 1997 The dizziness and the cravings may have let up a bit, but I didn’t escape the weight gain that almost everyone goes through when they quit. I’m up to a fucking 112 pounds! And the fact that I’m stuck and haven’t gotten my period yet doesn’t help, but I realized I may have miscounted by a day. I think I’m due for my period tomorrow. I have to be, cuz I’m almost never late, so I’ll definitely get it by tomorrow if I don’t start by tonight.

I hope Tom’s right when he says he thinks that the dog isn’t coming back. He thinks they got rid of it when the city started tearing up their yard. Well, that would go with their uncaring nature, to give up a dog like that that they never even wanted, but what about me? I’d still think the burden of the dog would be way worth it to them, just to bother me.

There also hasn’t been a car there when Tom left for work, for two nights in a row. I hope that’s a good sign and this is the same time last year that he slowly began to disappear, only coming around every 2-4 weeks. I wish they’d just break the fuck up for good! If I am in for another peaceful winter till April or May, God’s gonna compensate me for it, just like he compensated me for last winter’s peace by making sure he came back to slam doors, then start with the music again, all the while the dog was yipping away. Well, I’ll pay for it later, since I’ve got to pay for every little thing. And that includes the late-night banging I’ve been doing. Well, I’m not gonna be doing it anymore till and if the music and dog are a real problem again. Also, after I woke up halfway through my sleep to pee, I had a hell of a time falling back to sleep and I know why.

WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 29, 1997 Tom said he thinks he heard a cement mixer over there filling in their patio and that they’ll be done this week. I think they finished up about an hour ago. The vans are gone and so is the yellow tape (like a crime scene tape barrier) that was tied up to warn people not to fall into the deep trenches they had. So, this means that the dog will be back any minute now, but by the weekend for sure.

So, with my share of the money we agreed to take to spend for fun, I’m gonna buy a box fan for the back room, since the AC one isn’t always gonna be loud enough to block out the barking. Especially the late-night barking. See, this is what I mean when I say I’m so sick of being controlled by others and how I have to “pay” for their noise and alter my life, while they go about their business without a care in the world. I don’t just feel like I’m paying $16 for a box fan that could have good uses that don’t involve anyone else’s noise, but I feel like I’m paying them this $16. I’m always the one to pay.

Meanwhile, the dog’s gonna come back and so will the music and there’s not a damn thing I can do about it, cuz Tom won’t let me beat them into submission and cuz this letter he may never send, won’t do shit to stop them. I know when God wants me to fight a fight I can win and when he doesn’t.

I don’t want no fans on from 6 PM-2 AM. But cuz of someone else’s dog, I must have them on so I don’t have to be forced to listen to it.

My “good vibes” about the freeloaders are gone, so as I said, this was all it was about. No one’s moving out of there, I’m sure. If they don’t in the next few months, then they should be here for a long time. I still say they’re not gonna want to give up a subsidized house that easily and the city’s gonna really have to fight to push them out of there. That’s part of it. The other part is that I don’t think they want to leave my side so easily, either, cuz contrary to Tom’s belief, I know they have a ball with sticking their music/dog on me. Another part is that they just don’t care. They don’t care to work a little harder to get out of there and they don’t give a shit about those around them, at the same time they do give a shit about pissing me the fuck off.

I’m gonna go to a Walgreens later to get the fan and to check out their cactus mugs. I saw some the last time I was there that are way nicer than the one I’ve got, and the one I’ve got is nice enough as it is.

Oh, one more thing about the freeloader - I think his latest game is to harass me with his car alarm. I’m not sure about this yet, cuz now my schedule’s in such a way that I’m not up early in the mornings, but there were a few days where I’m pretty sure I heard an alarm go off a few times at early hours. Tom said some other car that was over there did that, but I think that gave El Cocko an idea. We’ll just have to wait and see what he does when he gets back and if it’ll be him or the dog that I’ll have to listen to, or both. He should be banging in anytime now, but this freeloader’s schedule varies.

I’ve got a great library book I’m reading now. An excellent ghost story. So I think I’ll go do some reading for now.

Later…

Just got back from Walgreens where I didn’t find any cactus mugs or box fans. Instead, I found something better than cactus mugs at a dirt cheap, utterly shocking price. I got two cactus figurines made of Plaster of Paris. The white one I got, is the same as the one I got that I painted green, but this one makes mine look sick. It’s got a pink color scheme with a floral bandanna tied around its middle, flowers on the tips of its arms, a vase of flowers by its base, and at the other side of its base, is a figure hunched over with a sombrero. This gave me some ideas for mine, which just has a boring gold chain around its middle. I’ll keep the chain, but I’ll glue some flowers I have on it. I have a wicker jug filled with all kinds of flowers that have been sitting in the music room for ages.

They each cost $10 and the second one’s even more breathtaking. It’s bigger and has more on it. A person hunched over with a sombrero is also on this one and it has flowers, vases, and a coyote with a bandanna around it, all in a really nice bowl that’s 4-5 inches in diameter.

I also got a light pink pair of panties and a deep purple pair. A pink fly swatter, too, since ours ripped.

Tom will soon pick up a box fan (not using my spending money), as well as a Nicorette refill.

Afterward, we stopped at a fast-food place and then came home.

As far as the freeloaders, I heard soft music and a lot of car doors. Then later I heard a car leave with no music. There was no car there when we got back, but I just heard a very loud door slam, so I take it he’s back. What’s weird, though, is that Tom said he didn’t see a car there when he left to go to work at 12:30 last night. At 1:00, I went out and did my rock-banging routine I’m gonna do when I’m up late at night but I guess only she got to hear it if she heard it at all. God may have spared her from hearing it.

The decrease in music and increase in door slamming tells me the dog is on its way back. It’ll be here tomorrow and if not, it’ll definitely be here by the weekend.

More shocking news - my period’s gonna be on time this month. Tomorrow will be the 28-day marker, so I’m 100% sure I’ll get it then cuz I’m almost never late.

TUESDAY, OCTOBER 28, 1997 I got my congratulations for not smoking for 3 weeks postcard yesterday. The sad thing about it is that the cravings seem to be getting more powerful. If I’m having powerful urges several times a day at this point, then this is how it’s always gonna be. Tom says it’ll get easier and I hope he’s right, but it doesn’t seem like he will be at this point. I let Marla know I quit, too, and she said she quit smoking after 10 years back in the late 70s. She said it was the hardest thing she ever did.

Once again, I wish there were 3 people to quit for and he keeps saying that there will be and that I won’t even consider returning to smoking by the New Year. Is he ever gonna get over it?! No bed or lack of money worries is gonna change the way he is sexually and the fact that either his conscious or subconscious or both, doesn’t want a kid, and the fact that God doesn’t want me having one. As much as I wish Tom and God could prove me wrong about the sex/kid, just like with getting out here, getting off disability, getting married, and quitting smoking for this long, I just can’t see it.

He says we can still check out and get that bed, but can we? I’ve always known that something up there wants me to work all the harder for the things that are normal and more common, and yesterday’s ordeal proved that. Something’s trying to stall us, that’s for sure. And if we do get the bed, what price will we have to pay for it, besides about $1000?

As far as what the scoop is next door, well it’s pretty weird. First of all, I’m pretty sure that at least he’s been living there all weekend, but the nice thing about it is that I haven’t heard any music since last Saturday. So, I don’t know if this means he’s decided to shut up again or if the music’s been played while I was out, asleep, or under headphones.

Tom’s guess was that the big tree that they’ve got in back (that makes a mess of our yard with its leaves) had roots that got in the way of the sewer pipes, so it fucked up their drains, but it can’t be that bad for him to have stayed there the last couple of nights unless he’s shitting and pissing in a container. Maybe (if the bitch and kids aren’t there and they’re at a friend’s house), he wasn’t liked or welcome over there, or they got into a fight and this was the only place he could go till she returned, but I don’t know. I do know, though, that the music wouldn’t just suddenly stop again so soon and that the dog’s gotta be back sooner or later. I don’t think any of them are moving after all. I think that my vibe had to do with the work they’ve been doing and the temporary absence of the dog, which I’m thoroughly enjoying till the peace is shattered. It’s been pretty peaceful through the days and totally quiet at night, but when that beast gets back, I’ll have to sit and listen to it from dusk till the wee hours of the mornings. As I told Tom, in case he does send a letter to the city, Loverboy is a no-no, but she may be allowed a dog. The NHA allowed you to have one cat or one dog, but they had to be of a certain height/weight.

The story gets even weirder cuz yesterday, they didn’t work at all next door. They’ve been there today, though.

Soon, I’ll be doing a general shopping list for things I’d like to get with what money’s left over after deducting the electrolysis cost and the new cage I just got. I haven’t gotten the electrolysis thing yet, but I got that other cage Play City makes, so now I have all 3 of them. Their big cage is called Play City, their medium cage that I just got is the Town House and the little cage that Mary gave me when I had Gizzy the mouse, is the Fun House. Teddy Bear’s got the aquarium and the Play City and Gizzy have the other two.

Speaking of Gizzy, if anyone ever wanted to rent a paper shredder to destroy any documents, they wouldn’t need to. All they’d have to do is just give it to Gizzy. Instead of eating the paper like the other guys do, he shreds it up to make a nest to burrow in. I think that the reason he likes shredded paper better than sawdust is cuz it’s lighter and that way he doesn’t feel as smothered by burrowing in it.

I gave him a handful of small colorful papers that I had used to write Andy a batch of funny notes to pass out, cuz I thought it’d be nice to see all the pretty colors shredded up and mixed together. I told Andy I’d write new ones up, but then I got a better idea which I began earlier. I inserted frames in a miscellaneous document of mine and then inserted all kinds of different fonts for the text. So, he’ll just have to cut the boxes of funny lines and sayings out and distribute them that way. I’m pretty sure he’ll like this.

I’m also rearranging and reorganizing my convo tapes and labeling them more specifically. So, instead of just writing “Fran & Nervous” when their fights come up, I’ll be more specific and write what the argument was about. That way, if I want to find a certain convo, I can find it easier this way. I’m trying to group different people together too, on the same tapes, rather than have things all mixed in together.

Later…

Well, the bitch is definitely next door. Once again, I don’t see how they can live there with all the shit that’s going on there, but I just heard her being dropped off. And the van is still out there too, so I couldn’t see her cuz she was behind it, but I could hear her. She said something like, “Girl, you just don’t know…” Typical black talk. Then after another minute, the sick black fuck said goodbye to her gal pal and that’s it. He isn’t here yet, but I’m sure he’ll let me know when he arrives cuz like I said, he’s not gonna just suddenly shut up this fast. I just dread the day the dog returns! I wish I could say they gave it away, but I know better. It’s at some friend or relative’s house. Even if they did give it away, they’ll just go out and get another beast.

MONDAY, OCTOBER 27, 1997 Today, my first journal is 10 years old, but unfortunately, my 10-year writing anniversary isn’t going very well. It could be much worse, but a little something happened, just as I saw it would.

Tom was gonna take me to Red Lobster, then we were gonna go look at two different beds, but what did God to stall us and remind me that normalcy just isn’t allowed when it comes to intimate issues? He made sure the axle on the car broke! If God did anything good at all, it was to make sure we didn’t break down way the hell out on Bell Road or something. We broke down a block away and pushed the car back. At every other house, there would be a dog in its yard waiting to let us have it as we passed by. It sounded like a fucking kennel all down the block. People are so cruel!

So now Tom’s taking a bus to his ma’s house to get his car, but his car is fucked up too, as God’s made sure that this family and cars, just don’t go together. He has to push his car, then jump in and push the clutch, in order to get it to start.

Can I ever be with someone who doesn’t drive a piece of shit? Kacey had a nice car, but Ron, Brenda, and everyone I’ve been friends with, except for Kim, drove shitty, beat-up cars.

Regardless of fate stopping and stalling our plans to remind me that there’s a price to pay for meddling with fate if you can, things could be much worse. A decade ago, I was living in a deadly neighborhood, with neighbors ripping me off, and with a bundle of nerves for a friend, with lots of cold and snow, and all kinds of problems.

In other news, I got some more books when I was at Ma’s yesterday, the cravings and dizziness still get pretty fierce, and I’ll update the freeloaders later, but we have no idea what the hell’s going on with them.

Later…

It’s so nice and peaceful out now. Not even the guard dogs are going off every few minutes. It’s sad to know that in just a matter of time, I’ll have to listen to the freeloader’s dog for hours at a time.

Anyway, Tom’s gone to get me some Chinese food to salvage the day, so I’ll write more later.

SATURDAY, OCTOBER 25, 1997 God, am I lightheaded! This is getting to be a constant thing and it's really annoying. Is this from not smoking? Or is this from the gum? The literature said that dizziness is a symptom people have within the first few days of quitting. It's been 3 weeks, though. You can also get dizzy from an overdose of nicotine, but I'm not even close to that. I doubt very much it's an ear infection, so what the fuck is it? I hope it goes away real damn soon.

El Cocko made his first needless trip over here today about an hour ago. He let me know it loud and clear and I'm sure he'll be back again. And again. And again. And again. So, this weekend will be no different than any other weekend will be (unless they bring back the dog and don't continue with the music), but they can't party and right now, I don't have to listen to their dog now either.

I'd write more, but I just feel too out of it to write now, so I'll do it later.

FRIDAY, OCTOBER 24, 1997 Still working away next door. Tom’s guessing now that it could be sewers that they’re working on.

The freeloader came in at around 8 PM last night to get some stuff and he let me know it. Not too loud, but I still heard him. Hopefully, they won’t be able to return this weekend and hopefully, they won’t blast in 8 times a day to get shit over the weekend, either. I wouldn’t put that past them, though, and even if they didn’t need something, they’d come over in regard to me anyway.

Tom said that he’s gonna send the letter off about a week after the construction people leave so that the city doesn’t think we mistook the sounds of the stereo for work they’re doing. He also told me he doesn’t do something to fail and that he’s not gonna send the letter to make me happy (although that’ll be one of its side effects), he’s gonna send the letter to get results. Well, I hope so and that he’s not being unrealistically confident like he tends to be. I told him, though, that if it doesn’t work - he at least tried, and that’s what matters. I also reminded him of God’s insistence that I deal with other people’s noise, too. He says that he thinks she was never moving, but he doesn’t know about him or the dog. Also, he’ll mention the dog too, if it does return. Oh, I’m sure it will. He, dog, and music, will return. And I wouldn’t be surprised if he didn’t stop the music cuz I had the dog to listen to, too. I’m sure they’ll want to give me a double whammy to catch me up on lost dog/music time.

Speaking of being made to catch up on lost phone and waiting time - the pest is back. First he calls while I’m cleaning. I call him back and he said he’ll call me back in 5 minutes after he put in a load of laundry. Instead, I wait and wait and put my shit on hold while he decides to stuff his face with food. Then we finally talked, and of course, he had to be a pest later on, too, and call twice at night.

He didn’t have time to fill me in on his trip, but he said it was great.

He got fired from his job over the sexual harassment thing and has to go job hunting. He even admits he’s guilty too, so hopefully he’ll learn to shut up in his next job. You gotta be real damn desperate, though, to sexually harass a guy you’re not even attracted to. Andy wouldn’t kid me about that part, either, but how could you sexually tease someone you don’t even want? If he ever gets fired again for the same thing, I hope it’s over someone he felt was gorgeous, and makes it more worth it.

Andy also said he was really proud of me for not smoking, but boy I’ll tell you, yesterday was a bad day. I really had some pretty frequent and powerful urges and I told Tom I’d give it till January (after I let time prove he’s full of shit for the thousandth time over this kid he says I’ll conceive by the end of December), then see whether or not I want to keep not smoking.

Around the same time I stopped smoking, I sure have been getting a lot of dizzy spells. Yesterday we put alcohol and peroxide in my ear, in case it’s an inner ear infection, so hopefully, that’ll improve. Dizziness is part of quitting, though, cuz the brain’s getting all this extra oxygen it’s not used to yet.

When I was on SS, they used to harass me with these bullshit overpayment notices at set intervals. Well, I’ve been done with them for over 3 years now, but they still harass me with these bullshit overpayment notices. This is the same notice I’ve gotten before where they’re trying to claim I owe them $32.

Tom’s out now taking his ma to her doctor’s appointment. She sent home two Dean Koontz books for me yesterday. One of them I already read, so he’s gonna give it to Mary who’s having him work like crazy on her car during the poor guy’s vacation. She’s paying him real damn well, though. I don’t know if I’ll like the other one, but hopefully I will. Ma got two big boxes of books from Bobby, so I’ll have to go over and check them out sometime.

Ma also sent home a sandwich maker. I guess it���s for making grilled cheese sandwiches.

This Sunday, my parents, Tammy, Larry, Kim and more, will be just two hours later than us and not 3 since our clocks never change here.

Mama Cat and the kittens are still not as fearful of me as they were at first, but they’re not running up to be petted and played with, either. The kittens are so cute when they play together. At first, they always used to be at the side of the house and sometimes they still play there, but for the most part, they stay by the hedges that are almost parallel to the patio. The clothesline is right in front of these hedges and the hedges are against the block wall that separates our yard from the freeloaders. I hung a couple of pieces of yarn from the clothesline for them to play with. And I no longer have their food/water dishes by the hedges. I have them just at the start of the patio and I’ll move it closer to the door little by little and see if they get more used to me and more friendly.

Bunny’s outside now and will spend most of his days out there cuz this is the perfect time of year for that and he won’t want to come in till sundown.

THURSDAY, OCTOBER 23, 1997 The construction people just arrived for the day next door. We’re still not sure what they’re doing, but we also don’t see how El Cocko or anyone could be living over there. They’ve got the whole backyard torn up. So, that explains the packing of the trunk I saw and the absence of the dog and my vibe. But does this mean they’re all moved out and not coming back? Or does it mean that they’ll be back with no dog but with music? Or does it mean that they’ll be back with the dog and but with no music? Or does it mean that they’ll be back to stick me with a double whammy of both dog and music? If they don’t come back, will it stay a city-owned house or will a buyer get it? And what type of problems will the next family bring if a new family does move in, be it owners or subsidized people?

Did that freeloader return to his music for those several days that he did, cuz he said, “Fuck it. We’re out of here anyway.” Or did he return to the music cuz of the dog being gone? Perhaps it was both, but the music did start right when the dog left.

Later…

Right now Tom’s amazing me with his determination and commitment to cleaning out the patio storeroom.

According to Tom, who tried to get us online, it’s not AOL that’s the problem. It’s our modem. So he may get us a new one. That’s right God, just keep on breaking our stuff.

We screwed earlier and of course, nothing’s changed with that, although we have had sex more often lately. That’s how it sometimes is, but I still have to see the bed and lack of money worries be his cure to believe it. He said that if I weren’t pregnant by January or February, then he’d wonder if something was up with one of us and discuss us getting the first stages of the basic testing going and that we’ll also be switching insurance soon and he’ll make sure we get the one that offers the best of the baby-making and baby caring stuff. Right! I know him and I know that come January or February, his excuse to do nothing will be cuz we didn’t get the opportunity to screw much. And there’ll be reasons why he just couldn’t cum that much yet. And of course God will help this along and ensure that something does come up to get in our way of keeping up with the sex and shit like that.

Also amazingly, I’m still not smoking, but I still have strong urges. They usually don’t last long at all, but they can be pretty damn annoying and it seems like today they’ve been more frequent. Tom disagrees, but I think that this is the way it’s gonna be from now on if I continue not to smoke. I think it’s pretty much tapered off to being how it’ll be and that it’ll be on my mind on and off and that I’ll have about 10-15 urges a day. It’ll be OK as long as I can keep from smoking. If I have to think about it, I’ll be OK if I can just think and not do.

They’re still working next door, doing God only knows what. When I went to see the cats that sit right by the block wall, I could smell cigarette smoke. I instinctively backed away, without really thinking about it. I guess that’s good. It’s a pity, though, that these houses have to be that close, although smells aren’t a problem to live with like noise is. However, if I had one of the bedroom windows open while someone was sitting in their living room smoking with an open window, I’d smell it easily.

Later…

The two guard dogs have been quieter. Something I surely can’t complain about. They’re usually barking up a storm during the days at this time of year.

Still working next door. However, I don’t see the construction vans at this time. I just see a purple pickup out front, but I heard a couple of guys talking over there. Who the hell they are, beats me, and why this truck is there instead of the vans, beats me, too. I’d say that yes, they definitely weren’t living over there the last 2-3 days. Like I said, he was packing the trunk after all. We’re pretty sure no one can live there while they’re doing whatever they’re doing, cuz it looks like they’d have to shut off the water or the electricity or both. I’d guess that this will be their last day there, so now all we have to do is see if the freeloaders return. I wonder if this few-day absence was all I was “vibing” after all. If the freeloaders do return, whether or not it’s with the dog, boy are they gonna let me know it! I’m sure they’ll come blasting in as that’ll be their way of saying, “I’m back!” Everyone wants attention and to be heard, anyway. Everyone wants others to know they’re there, that’s for sure.

I hope it’ll go to buyers if the freeloaders really are gone, but I somehow doubt that they are gone. If it went to buyers, the people would be a little more likely to give a damn about others around here, than welfare bums, and the house may stay empty for a while in between, giving me time to get Andy to get me a good lock for that hoop. If the freeloaders are gone, and if the city keeps the place, the new batch of welfare scums will be moving in there in just a matter of days. In fact, if it was known that the freeloaders would be gone as of a few days ago when they started tearing the place up, it’s already been re-rented, and if they’re done today, then tomorrow we’ll probably see the new batch of scums move in. If not, then by early next week at the latest we will.

Later…

They’re still working next door and Tom and I still don’t have a clue as to what they’re doing. From the looks of it, though, Tom’s certain that I’ve got days, even weeks, before the freeloader returns. I shall enjoy the peace till their return and return they will since Tom saw that the kid’s toys are still out front. Aside from the fact that they’re no doubt pretty sure that the noise going on is pissing me off and getting a kick out of that (but the noise isn’t pissing me off. It would if it woke me up, though), they are gonna be so anxious to get back here cuz the days that pass where they couldn’t piss me off are gonna really get to them. Boy, are they gonna live it up with the music, dog and maybe even both when they return. They are not happy about my not being able to hear from them, I can assure you that much.

Another thing that we saw was that they didn’t enclose their yard.

WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 22, 1997 Oh, those assholes at AOL! Always a problem with them. Alex finished reading the Oswego and Woodside journals and is ready for me to send more, yet I can’t even do that.

When Tom was in the military, his superior was trying to fuck him out of time off that was rightfully his. Everyone told him that there wouldn’t be a damn thing he could do about it, either, but they were wrong. So, he insists that there is something that can be done about next door’s music. Of course, one will get the run around if you try calling a government office over the phone, but government letter correspondences cannot be destroyed; they must legally be dealt with, etc.

Tom just doesn’t understand what it’s like to be under the influence of a God who insists she lives with other people’s noise day in and day out, year after year. He doesn’t believe in fate, he’s tolerant of noise, and he doesn’t understand that there are consequences for trying to fight what the Gods have ordered. Noise is just what the Gods have ordered. And there’s just no escaping it. Just like I told Tom, who agreed that this was possible, even if they moved right now, some new source of shit and noise is gonna move right in there. The only way out of it is to live more secluded, but I don’t know if God will ever allow us to do that. And what if I could? What if I could live where our neighbors were off in the distance and couldn’t be a problem for us as far as noise went? What would God do to me to compensate for my getting around him? If you try to get around fate or if you do get around fate, there’s always a price to pay for it.

Later…

Another thing I said would happen that did happen was based on how God doesn’t give without taking. He let me let myself give my lungs back to me and in exchange for it, he gave me the music for taking the pain of the cigarettes from me. This all goes to prove that no, God will not reward me with a child for quitting smoking. Why is it that it seems that the more people do bad, the more you get rewarded for that? I don’t, but it seems that most get rewarded with great things for being bad, but those that deserve great things more, just never get them. I may not be as desperate for a child as I once was, but I’d still take it if I could get it. I’m just not gonna go out of my way to try to get it (a doctor) cuz I know it won’t get me anywhere and if it did, I know how fucked up that kid would come out. He’s not gonna give that to someone who’s wanted that for years without a serious drawback to it. The price of that may very well be something that’d kill us both to have to pay.

Another thing that’s really sad about this unfair world and about God too, is that it’s one thing to do shit to get shit back that you deserve, but it’s another to not do shit and still get shit, anyway.

Later…

Got an update that may make my vibe about a change next door make sense.

Since 7 AM those construction trucks have been over there and this time, what they did would’ve woken me up for sure, had I been asleep. In fact, I’m sure next door is laughing their asses off about it, assuming it woke me up or pissed me off.

I never heard next door leave this morning, but they would’ve had to have left before 7:00, cuz there was some other weird-looking truck parked just outside the carport. Even Tom’s stumped as to what they could be doing, but when he went to check on the leak, which is half fixed and looking promising for once after we got rain, he said he saw them digging up trenches in the backyard and also, that thing he said was a slide, isn’t a slide. It’s a backhoe. At first, he thought they were sandblasting the house to prep it for painting since the city loves to waste money. Anyway, he’s not sure what the hell they’re doing. They could be doing something with the gas line or maybe putting in a sprinkler system to spruce it up to try to sell it to a buyer if the sick fucks are really about to move, but who knows.

Tom said that this explains why the dog’s gone. If they’re not moving, though, and if the dog returns, I’ll have to listen to its annoying barking, but at least that should stop the music, which I haven’t yet heard today, to my utter amazement. I said “yet,” though, cuz I’m sure they aren’t temporarily staying elsewhere or have moved yet. Tom brought up another theory about the music that I wondered myself, given the absence of the dog, all this work they’re doing, the packing shit in the trunk, etc. Maybe he figured, “Well, we’re out of here soon anyway, so I’m gonna blast my music for her till we do leave.”

Anyway, if they are gone, or just he’s gone, or if the dog returns, we’ll know it within a few days at least, I’d think. Later Tom will get up on the roof again to see if he can figure out what they’re doing and what it may mean. I still have a feeling about them moving, but whether or not it remains owned by the city, there’ll still be problems from over there. The only difference will be that if it’s subsidized people, there’ll be more turnovers and more of them to deal with. If it’s a buyer, it’ll be a long-term family to have to deal with. Well, God’s stuck me with screaming kids, bassy music and dogs. What’ll be next? The same thing or college kids that party hearty all the time and loud motorcycles? If it stays black over there that means we’ll still have to deal with bass. They fucking love that shit. If it turns Spanish, we’ll be back to Mormon land, as they’ve only got a hundred kids, but there’ll be kids and dogs either way.

Tom’s out signing the papers for the loan and after he stops at his ma’s, he’ll be back.

TUESDAY, OCTOBER 21, 1997 Andy will be back in a day or two. It’s too soon. I need a longer break from his calls.

Tom said that next door won’t play loud music every time they come and go like they used to. It’s true that they sometimes come and go quietly, but I was right when I said I’d hear music every day at least twice. All cuz the dog is no longer there. Jesus, some people! They just gotta do shit to you to let you know they’re there. Yeah well, it’s my turn to let them know that I’m here too, and I’ve been regularly belting the clothesline pole for a good 20 seconds or so in the wee hours of the night. The only thing that worries me about this is that maybe this isn’t bothering them. I should think they’d have to hear it loud and clear, but is it waking them up? I know it’d wake me up in a flash, but everyone’s different and very few people sleep as light as I do. Another thing I worry about is God punishing me for this. Remember, behavior that’s acceptable from most isn’t acceptable from me and God may feel that this is way out of line for me. It’s OK for most people, I’m sure, but I don’t know if I can get away with this. If something starts waking me up or if more things than usual begin going wrong, then I’ll stop.

In case you’re thinking - she’s doing this at night to get them to realize it’s cuz of their music, and she hopes this will stop them - that’s not the case. As long as there’s no dog there, the music will be an everyday thing, just like I said and knew it’d be, per orders of them and God. I’m doing it cuz I’m tired of this 1-sided annoyance deal. If I have to be annoyed and even pissed off by hearing them, they’re gonna have to hear my shit too. It may not wake them up or piss them off or annoy them, but it’s gonna be a two-way street here from now on.

I still wonder about this dog, though. I don’t think God’s ever freed me of a dog’s barking after just a few months. If it’s there, it’s being kept indoors at all times, which is something nobody here would do. Given the fact that the music stopped when the dog came and the music started when the dog left, did they borrow this dog to do this? Or are they having someone else hold it for a while, then plan to go get it and swap back again? These sick fucks really would do this, too. Did one of them decide they didn’t like the dog and that it wasn’t worth the hassle of feeding and scooping up its shit? Did it break free and run off? Did someone else get fed up with its late-night barking and kill it? I doubt that cuz if that were the case, I’d have heard movement of some kind from over there if that had happened while I was up and I’d be blamed for it.

Well, enough freeloader talk for now and on to better things, like last night’s gambling.

At just after 4 AM, we went to the Gila River Casino, which was more crowded than we thought it’d be for an early Monday morning.

I thought that the smell of cigarette smoke and the sight of others smoking might tempt me, but not at all! And it actually smelled kind of gross, too.

Anyway, he won $15 and I won $75. He lost what he won and I lost most of what I won, save a $20 bill he gave me to begin with. So, after an hour and a half, we quit and went to McDonald’s for breakfast. Then we went to Wal-Mart where I got two new hideaways, 3 straight tubes, and a T-tube. This week I’ll get that other medium-size cage I want and it’s only $17. The big one I got a few months ago was $22 and the little one Mary gave me was around $14. I also may get more curved tubes, but maybe not. Mary might take Tom’s bed and give me extra tubes and stuff like that for it.

I also talked to Mom yesterday who said we need a new screen door, I should paint the kitchen, we shouldn’t feed the cats, and we should put the house up for sale and make a move. Tom doesn’t have to bass our moving on the stocks, she says. I wish it were that easy to move, but unfortunately, we have a good 4-8 more years here. Tom says that in January he’ll have a better guess as to when we’ll move, but I know that all his timetable guesses are bullshit. I also know what my vibes tell me about moving. Just like they do with the kid and that just cuz I’m not smoking and just cuz we might be getting a new bed, Tom’s Tom and fate’s fate, but that’s OK at this day and age.

Later…

Just a quick update on the freeloaders. First, though, we went to Ma’s and I cut her nails for her. She gave me a puzzle too, that she’d already done, but it was one I once had and did myself. It was still very nice of her to give it to me.

After Ma’s, we went to the library where I picked up a couple of books and Tom verified that yes, the freeloader’s house is owned by the city. Now, they could very well be city workers, but it’s quite unlikely. It’s no doubt a case of her being on subsidized housing and Loverboy is probably not supposed to be there. Tom, who says he’s gonna send the city a letter (this I’ve got to see), said that this letter may help to get rid of him or all of them, but there’s a catch. I believe, that this letter won’t accomplish shit and if it did, the city would replace them instantly since there are so many bums out there with kids that need a subsidized place. And they would never put just one person in that 3-bedroom house, who’s in my old shoes and who wants to better their lives. They’d put a family over there with adults that just don’t give a shit and they’ll no doubt be far from white, too.

I called a housing number and asked who to talk to regarding complaining about their noise and was referred to another number, but they told me to call the police. That’s what’s gonna happen with this letter, too. I’m sure of it. Either no one’s gonna respond to it in any way shape or form, or they’ll send us a reply saying to call the police. You can only complain about zoning violations and that means stuff like old roofs, etc.

So, what I’m saying is that if Tom ever does send the city a letter, which he may do in 10 years or may never do at all, it’s not gonna do us a damn bit of good and God will be there to see to it, too. God will never allow me any peace from neighbors and as long as there’s no dog there, the music will be an everyday thing. I know I’m right about their intentions, even though Tom tells me I’m wrong. They did just what I knew they’d do. I said to myself that if for some reason the dog was ever gone, the music would start right back up again and it did. I’m not being paranoid here. I know what I’m saying.

It looks like they may have also put up a slide in their backyard and Tom said it doesn’t mean they still may not move in a few months or so, cuz you can move them easily. Again, there were also construction trucks there, too, and I smelled the odor of freshly cut wood, so maybe they did finally enclose their yard.

I told Tom I feared that they’d hang onto that house for years since subsidized housing is hard to come by, but he says it’s the other way around. They’re now getting strict with giving people public assistance and would put a time limit on them to encourage them to move on. Yeah, but if they do move on, new trouble comes right back in there with a new set of rude, selfish, inconsiderate, noise-making sick fucks.

SUNDAY, OCTOBER 19, 1997 I just made mashed potatoes and brownies. I made the mashed potatoes cuz I saw a commercial where they added chicken broth to it, instead of butter. So I wanted to try it, but it wasn’t all that great.

In freeloader news, he didn’t play any more music yesterday that we know of, but tonight was a different story. Tom said he didn’t hear any music all day and that all he heard were car doors. Then at 10 PM, while he was still asleep, the freeloader came blasting in and loaded up his trunk. A half-hour later he left again with the music softer. Then he returned at 1:30 with no music and has been there ever since. I guess he’s now back to parking just outside the carport too, now that the weather’s cooled down. Still no dog, either.

As hard as it was to keep myself from going out there and kicking his ass and believe me, I wanted to soooooooooooo bad, I got a theory. This could be pure wishful thinking, but perhaps he’s moving out if they all aren’t, and maybe the dog is at the new place. Also, it was around this time last year that he was gone till around May or so.

Anyway, I decided that it was high time they heard annoying noise from me. So, I went outside and beat a rock on the clothesline pole. Something they had to have heard unless they’re unbelievably heavy sleepers.

Not this morning at around 3 AM, but tomorrow morning at this time, we’re gonna go take about $30 each and have fun gambling at one of the casinos on the Indian reservation. Ma gave us a pill bottle full of dimes and a little coffee jar full of nickels. That was very nice of her.

Ma also gave us some jokes she got off the computer. Most of them were boring, but some were funny. More so than jokes, they were funny bumper stickers seen all over and funny medical and political sayings. I’ll send the medical ones to Kim and the rest will go to Bob.

In my mom’s message to me a couple of days ago, she asked if I was still not smoking and said that if I’d gotten this far, I’ve got it licked. Yes, I think so too, even though I still have strong urges here and there. They pass quickly enough, though. Just a few hours ago, I hit my two-week marker!

I also got more mail from the Nicorette program. I didn’t expect anything else till next week, but then I realized they were playing catch up. I didn’t call them for the stuff right away, so now they’ve got the mailings timed to the date I quit. The pamphlet I got was what you’re supposed to get after your second week of not smoking. It was a pamphlet of basically the same things I’ve already read about - reasons why you shouldn’t smoke, other people’s stories about quitting, etc. There was also a postcard in which they ask you if you’re still not smoking and how many pieces of gum a day you’re using. This is so they can send you stuff to help with relapses.

The neon yellow plastic ball that little critters use to run around in broke. It had a few big cracks, so Tom picked up two new clear balls so that they can run around together.

Mama Cat and the kittens are still here and I was even able to play with White Feet with a long piece of twig, but Blackie’s much timider and won’t get that close to me. Anyway, I’m still feeding and watering them, but I don’t think any of them will ever want to live inside the house with us.

FRIDAY, OCTOBER 17, 1997 In just another 24 hours it’ll be two weeks since I last smoked. Wow!

Now for my shitty news - it’s back. They swapped back to their old shit and now I’ve got the music to listen to, rather than the dog.

Last night I had no fans on from 9:45 at night and all the way into the next day. To my utter shock, I never heard one bark from next door. Not one. Then, at 7:30 he left with his music playing loud and came back in at 10:15 doing the same thing. When he came back then, I opened the door and looked out at him to make sure it really was him, and am pretty sure he saw me, too. Then, I heard 3 door slams a few minutes later, suggesting he came to pick up his bitch and the kid, then he left. I fell asleep before his return, which I’m sure was plenty loud enough.

So basically, we’re back to the same old shit and I’ll have to listen to the music 2, 4, or more times a day and if they don’t move around the new year, they’re not going anywhere. As far as Tom believes, the dog’s still there and this is just a one-time thing that can legally be dealt with. As far as I’m concerned, they may have gotten rid of the dog for whatever reason and therefore, they’re back to the music. I told you I knew that both they and God decided that it’d either be the dog or the music. This isn’t gonna go away. I know this isn’t a one-time deal and that it’ll be a constant problem every day of every week and I don’t believe him when he says it can be dealt with. Nothing can or will stop these sick fucks whether the dog’s gone or not. They just don’t care. This is the shit I have to deal with while we’re here and I know better - if they left right now, someone else would come in doing something else. Tom said they’re not doing it deliberately since they don’t consider others when it comes to doing what they do, but just in case I’m right about it being deliberate, don’t go to the door and give them a reaction, he says. No, they don’t give a shit about others, but yes, they are gearing this at me. They both reacted in a very typical way, right when I first asked them to lower the music. A classic reaction for big-city people especially and that’s that he didn’t give a shit, and she got pissed. If someone from another state asked me how people here take to being asked to lower noise, the answer I’d give would be simple: They either won’t give a shit or they’ll get so pissed off that they not only won’t want a damn thing to do with you, but if you didn’t know any better, you’d think you ripped them off and fucked over their family members for them to be that pissed at you. No matter how nicely you ask someone to lower noise, 95% of them won’t, cuz they just don’t care or will get furious over it.

This black bitch decided she hated me before she ever met me. She wasn’t here yet when I first asked him to turn his music down, which he obviously told her about later, and there it was, right from the get-go - sheer hatred and anger for me. I could see it in her whole demeanor and expression. All over a simple, reasonable, stupid little request that never should’ve become such a goddamn big deal. If they keep up with this selfish, rude, inconsiderate attitude, they’re gonna have a hard life, but that’s their problem.

Yesterday was exactly 6 weeks ago that me and his bitch had our screaming match. I knew deep down that this would happen and that if they didn’t start back with the music right away, then they’d wait a while to try to keep it from being obvious, but I’m not stupid. I know it’s aimed at me. They may like loud music anyway, and not give a shit about others, but I know what I’m in for from here on out and it is aimed at me. Tom said they wouldn’t get rid of the dog and return to the music overnight. Why wouldn’t they? If the dog is gone, then I’ll bet that after that time I let them have it early that morning, they borrowed the dog from someone, stopped the music, and then decided that yesterday was a good day to change back to their old ways. I know they quieted down with the music before the dog got here, but that’s mainly only cuz he wasn’t here. He returned pretty much at the same time the dog got here and people are sick, so they would let someone borrow their dog to harass someone else with it. People out here couldn’t care less about their dogs.

I told Tom that he’s welcome to go find out who owns the house and to log their regular blast ins and outs, and I will too if he wants, but that no amount of legal complaining’s gonna stop this. I’ve also known that since 1991, God’s insisted that I live with some kind of noise problem, and this time, I know the consequences of trying to fight fate, I know that even if I could fight this and win that God would replace it with something else to bother me, and I’m not gonna give God the satisfaction of giving him the reaction he wants and expects, and I’m not gonna give it to these sick freeloaders either like I did with the dog. They got just what they wanted and expected from me and now that’s over with, and we’re back to the original source of harassment. I think. This beast still may very well be there and be a problem too, in addition to the music. We’ll see.

I can’t fight God and win, no legal action would work, talking to them did no good, Tom won’t let me beat the shit out of them and end it for good that way, so rather than try to fight a fight I can’t win and give God and the freeloaders the reaction they want, I’ll just live with it for the 4-8 more years that I’m here.

Tom says that if we move to where we’re more secluded, not to scare me or say it’s bad, but there’d be more bugs and maybe even things like rattlesnakes. Well, as scary as that is, I’ll take that over dogs, music, screaming, and ball games that are just a few feet away, cuz that’s something that can be dealt with and avoided.

THURSDAY, OCTOBER 16, 1997 I just went and downloaded a few old Linda pictures and put them into my wallpaper thing. Tom hasn’t set up the thing he said he was gonna set up yet for making the pictures look better, cuz he’d been busy, but I didn’t need it anyway. They look fine as they are.

For the thousandth time, I had to restrain myself from going next door and pummeling those freeloaders. Who the fuck do they think they are with their dog?! Someone’s got to teach them that they can’t just not give a shit about others around them and I hope Tom’s sincere when he says he’ll help me. He and I both agreed that the most logical thing to do at first would be to go to the library and see who owns that house. However, I’m afraid that he’s gonna conveniently not be able to find this out, but I know this has to be a matter of public information. Their computers are hooked up to a special government thing and other things that home PCs can’t access. I don’t know how all this shit works, but I know he does. I’m still afraid I’m gonna get some excuse from him as to why he couldn’t find out either at all or for sure who owns the house and how to contact the owner about their shit if it is a city or landlord-owned house.

Once again, my going off about the dog was what they both wanted and expected and this was also her excuse to go off on me, too. She wasn’t pissed at me for threatening this dog she’s supposed to love so much. It was the principal of the point and I still know that they got this dog in regard to me. They don’t give a shit about this dog, cuz if they did they wouldn’t leave it outside 24/7 first of all. Secondly, if I had a dog that someone threatened to shoot, even if I believed that they were just saying that to vent their steam, I wouldn’t take any chances if I loved that dog. I’d haul the dog indoors and I’d either beat the shit out of them or I’d take the matter to court. Although the courts don’t operate on threats. They only do something if something’s actually done to an animal or a person and it has to be proven, but even then, it’s iffy.

The only thing that makes no sense is why this dog first started off not being a problem. Tom says that as the weather gets cooler, it’ll settle down at night. Well, it hasn’t been that hot, and even if it did settle down as it got cooler, it’s gonna get hot again in just a handful of months and then I’ll have to sit and deal with the same old shit for many months and I don’t think so!

Like I said, I should have beat the shit out of them over a year ago, but since I promised Tom I wouldn’t, I should’ve only asked them once about the first source of rude noise which was the music, then got their asses into court for that and then the dog. Still, though, I don’t see how going to court or filing a complaint anywhere is gonna do a damn bit of good even though Tom says it will and that noise can easily be dealt with. These people just don’t care. They won’t listen to a neighbor, they won’t listen to a judge, they won’t listen to anyone. I’ll bet if they had a dying parent over there that asked them to shut it up, they’d pitch a fit on that too, and keep on doing as they please only.

What they’re up to is just too damn obvious here. The doors and the dog began right after I hauled off about their early morning music and the music’s been virtually non-existent since then. I appreciate the fact that they did something about the music from the bottom of my heart, but this doesn’t mean that they had to go and do something else, either. And I don’t know for sure that the lack of music is cuz of me. It could be for any reason. So like I said before, I know they had it in mind to swap in the music for the dog and doors. Also, before the dog, he’d always park either just outside or just inside the carport and he’d never go door slamming so much. But now he slams the doors and parks deep into the carport where he knows the sound will funnel better. Something else just hit me tonight about why he chose to park deep in the carport. Cuz it’s right next to the window that’s lit up the most. There are 3 windows on their side. The two bedrooms and the back room. The two bedrooms are often dark cuz we’re only in one of them to sleep for the most part, and the other to listen to music, which I do in the dark. Also, there’s foil and soundproofing stuff up in those windows. The back room, however, is the room we use the most, besides the living room. It’s always lit up and he saw this and decided to park by the room he sees that we use the most.

WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 15, 1997 Today Tom picked me up my second gum refill. The starter kit costs about $46 and the refills are about $30.

I also got my first of all those mailings I’m supposed to get. It had a customized booklet on quitting smoking with my name all over it to personalize it, a “congratulations for deciding to quit” letter, and a coupon for toothpaste with a tooth whitener in it.

In case I forgot to mention - Gizzy’s a male gerbil. That’s what they had written on the receipt, so I guess I got all male animals. Inside the house, anyway.

A while back I had mentioned us getting a free movie for the next 6 months from one of the pay-per-view channels, but it doesn’t look like we can cuz our cable box isn’t suited for that.

Tom got us a new microwave today and it’s a nice one. It’s very powerful like the other one was and cost $140. It’s got some really neat features that I didn’t even know existed. It’s got a sensor reheat, a sensor popcorn, etc. As usual, though, those sensor things don’t work too well. The sensor popcorn made a damn good guess that was close, but not quite. It’s black, so spots on it won’t show up as much as they did with our old white one. It’s also a carousel, too. At this time, I’ve got a long tunnel separating the little and medium cages. Teddy Bear has the aquarium and the little cage. Gizzy has the tunnel, the medium cage, and two rings on top of that. He likes to sit up top the rings, now that he can climb straight down and any way he pleases. I’m glad these things are so inquisitive, too, cuz they never fail to check out every inch of any new setups I create.

Why is Tom so wonderful, so helpful, so smart, so supportive, yet such a liar? Now he’s telling me I’ll be pregnant for sure in December unless a meteor strikes the house and kills us. Well, maybe someday he’ll admit his true feelings and all about why he won’t cum much and realize I’m sterile.

Even though I know better, and even though God allowed me to take control of my life/body with the elimination of the smokes, something’s different this time. This time there’s something different about the way he told me this. Regardless of whether or not I’m OK, could he have planned this? I mean he obviously knew those few times he let go at prime time that we could’ve made a kid since he thinks I’m fertile but was he hoping I’d quit smoking soon enough, then wait a few months afterward to really let go when the bulk of the shit from the cigarettes would be out of my system? Well, we’ll see if he avoids prime time till December’s prime time, then cums more often.

Later…

It’s about that time now when the freeloader’s beast will be going off till 10:30 or even till 1 AM. It’d be so peaceful for the next 12 or so hours if only that fucking beast weren’t in the picture.

My slow, clumsy, klutz of a hamster never liked the red plastic wheel that came with the last cage I got. It’s tilted too much. However, it seems that Gizzy just may like it. He surely can balance himself on it better, since he’s smaller and has a tail.

Tom read his second John Saul book and liked it, and now God’s acting like there’s a pregnancy to dodge once again. By the time we get around to screwing again, it’ll be too late for a normal woman.

Tom’s really happy, though, that after working for years to get us well off financially, we finally are. I’m happy, too, but I still don’t buy it when he says that this and the bed will change our sex lives. And anyway, we still have one more step to hope to get through as far as getting this loan goes. A guy came today to do an appraisal of the house, but if that doesn’t work out, bye-bye loan.

A few days ago I quit the prevention inhaler (Ventolin) and all I have to take once or twice a day is the Proventil if I get a slight wheeze, but I don’t even have to take that if I don’t want to.

TUESDAY, OCTOBER 14, 1997 I know I haven’t written much lately. It’s still hard to follow old routines, but it is getting easier. Overall, this is still the easiest quitting smoking’s ever been for me, but it does have its hard moments, that’s for sure. I’m going on day 10 now, amazingly, and I thought it was about time I caught up with the writing.

Let me start with the assholes and get them out of the way first. The beast has been taking some fits between the hours of 10 PM - 1 AM and as I told Tom, it’s time to take them to court, since he insists he doesn’t want me to set them straight.

Who the fuck do these freeloaders think they are?! First they come in here like they own the block, then they act like I asked them to shoot their parents when I asked them to turn down the music, then this thing with the dog has her running over here, telling me to shut up and that she doesn’t want to know I exist, yet it’s OK for me to have to know she exists by me having to listen to her dog, and their car horns and talking. I don’t think so! Somebody’s got to set this bitch straight. I mean, you just can’t do that. You can’t go into some neighborhood and be this uncooperative and selfish. You can’t go to someone’s door, whether or not they threatened your dog, and tell them to shut up (I still don’t know why I didn’t beat the shit out of her and I still kind of wish I did). You also can’t tell someone that you don’t want to know they exist while you keep on sticking noise on them of different sources. Well, it’s a two-way street here and these assholes better learn this or else they will get their asses kicked someday by some neighbor. If it weren’t for Tom, they’d be mincemeat but one of these days, they’re gonna fuck with someone like me who won’t have a Tom to consider.

Tom says he’s seen the dog leashed to a stake that’s in the center of the yard. It can reach all edges of the yard. He also said he saw construction service trucks over there on Monday and that he heard hammering. He said that he didn’t know what they were doing, but hoped they were having their yard enclosed. That wouldn’t stop them from putting the dog in the carport if they wanted to.

As I’ve said before, I know there’s good and bad in all kinds of colors, races, nationalities, etc., and I loved Steve and thought he was a great guy (he lived across from me on Woodside Terrace), but most of these blackies are sick pups. If they’re not religious fanatics, they’re into some kind of crime, or they’re selfish, rude, bitches just like with what we got next door. Most of them are, anyway.

Leave it to a sick bitch like her to be with a phony wimp like he is, too. Someone she can push around and control. A guy who would be all smiles and say “Sure. No problem,” about turning down the music, which was such phony bullshit, is just her type of man.

Speaking of Mr. Phony and Miss Bitch, well, I guess they had a little squabble at just after 10 PM. I heard them wheel in their recycle bin and why they did it so late, beats me. Right before this, though, I heard a door slam, so maybe he came home, pulled it in if it’s his job to do, then she heard him come in and went running out to bitch at him. No, I’m not sure it was an argument since the bitch always speaks aggressively and always seems to be pissed at something, but I still think she was mad at him. He sounded annoyed and a bit defensive, while she sounded pissed. Maybe she thought he oughta be in earlier than 10:00. Anyway, the wuss of a guy seemed like he did not want to deal with her, but I know these smiling phony dudes. I’ll bet he got off on my screaming match with his bitch and I’ll bet he got off on blasting me out and with my asking him to turn it down. That, as well as the fact that he too, is a selfish, rude, bastard.

I still have a feeling, though, that something’s to be changing within that house real soon, but I don’t know what. Things would be fine if they continued to keep the music down and if the dog shut up between 6 PM - 1 AM. It’s quiet during the days and unless that’s gonna change, and unless it’s gonna be like the other two will be any time now, barking till sunup to sundown, it’d be fine. That’s all I’d need would be for the two dogs to ruin the days cuz they will any day now, then have to sit and listen to the freeloader’s beast all night.

Later…

I talked to Andy, who’s now off in the friendly skies. I won’t miss the frequent calls/messages. I know no law says I have to call or respond to his messages, it’s just that I’d feel I was being rude if I didn’t at least reply to whatever he has to say. He is my best friend still, and I do care about him.

It’s been wonderfully quiet in the near hour that I’ve been sitting here in the back room, but of course, that’s subject to change at any second.

Andy’s happy that I’m now going on my 10th day of not smoking, as is my dad who I talked to today after getting their package. He said that about after a month, people can light up in front of me and it won’t faze me.

I got two valances, as I believe they’re called, that you put in between the mattress and the box spring and that set of sheets. It doesn’t match the comforter, though, like we thought. Also, there was no bedding of theirs and I can’t believe they can’t find it. How can you lose brand-new bedding?

They also sent a couple more of those cute mini wind chimes (a monkey and a panda), a few other odds and ends, and a Mary Higgins Clark book. This came with good timing too, cuz I wanted to check her out, as I heard she might write similar to John Saul and so far, I like this book of hers I’m reading.

It took Gizzy a little time to learn to go down the tubes. He could go straight up, but not straight down. I had to teach him by slowly making the incline steeper and steeper. He’s so cute to watch as he runs through all his tubes. Teddy Bear’s different. He just likes a piece of tube to sleep in if he isn’t sleeping in the hideaway or elsewhere, but he doesn’t go running through tubes for the hell of it like Gizzy does. He’s so fast, too, compared to the slow, clumsy T-Bear and he’s the fastest on the wheel, too. Even a bit faster than Gizzy the mouse was.

Let’s see…the washer and dryer broke, then the car, then the TV, and now this TV and VCR are fucked up. Then the vacuum broke and I’m sure other things have broken that have slipped my mind at this time. A few days ago I was sitting around and asked God what he was gonna break next and I thought about what he could possibly hit next and today he made his choice. He made sure our microwave broke and he’s fucking with the car again, too.

Like I told Tammy, she and her family have repeated health problems and meanwhile, our stuff keeps breaking.

Now Tom “thinks” and “believes” in his “opinion,” that I’ll be pregnant in December. Oh please! Doesn’t this guy ever get sick of this shit? And how does he expect this to happen with me being sterile and with him too afraid to cum? By magic? By God suddenly loving us? I’m pleased that God decided to have the kindness to allow me to allow myself to quit smoking, but this doesn’t mean he’s gonna be like, “Sure, go ahead. Use your body and plumbing to your heart’s desire. Do what you want with your life. Have a kid.” He’s been more patient and understanding with me and supportive of my not smoking, which I more than appreciate, but to say that the bed’s what’s gonna help him, and not having to worry about money (even though he says we always could’ve afforded a kid), will really help him, is BS. He’s not only always got an excuse, but he’s got a BS “answer” too, for what’ll make him cum more. He’ll cum more when he wants to and isn’t afraid to.

SATURDAY, OCTOBER 11, 1997 I woke up with an upset belly, but hopefully the Chinese food he got will help.

The door slamming hasn't begun yet and the dog's been quiet. That's cuz it's saving all its energy so it can bark from 6 PM-midnight. We're getting ready to go to court here, I swear! It's either that, or I go over there and beat the holy snot out of them, and I know Tom would rather I didn't.

FRIDAY, OCTOBER 10, 1997 Today’s one of those days where I’m tired and don’t feel like doing too much of anything, so I may not write for too long.

To get the less pleasant things out of the way first - the asshole’s dog is pretty quiet during the daytime. 2-3 hours in the early evening is a different story.

Coming into the weekend gets my nerves going, as usual, and this is the second night in a row I thought I heard music at a so-so volume, but can’t be sure if it was them. Off we go to court, though, if the music does become a problem.

As for them moving in December, well, I’m beginning to doubt that cuz wouldn’t there be a for-rent or for-sale sign up by now? I also can’t imagine God seeing to it that I only had to put up with this beast for 2-3 more months. I’d think he’d want to compensate me for the two wonderful years there was no dog there and for the lack of music (if it stays that way). Not that he couldn’t ensure the new neighbor’s music and dog drove me nuts if they were to move.

Given the fact that we’re doing the best we’ve ever done financially since we got married, and given the fact that I’m approaching day 7 with no cigarettes, it’s almost scary. Things seem too good to be true and I’m afraid some shit will hit the fan, whether it’s due to the freeloaders or something else and I wonder if I’ll be able to get through it without smoking.

Tom also insists he’s “100% sure” that the bed and the not smoking is the key to his dick cumming more and the key to God allowing us a child. Oh, come on! Doesn’t he think I know better? He’ll say anything to keep me off the cigarettes. And I also wonder how I’ll handle not smoking as the months go by and I see how much I continue to be right about that.

If I’m still not smoking on Sunday, that’ll mark the longest I’ve ever gone without smoking. It’s unbelievable. Totally unreal to me and I guess I’m still shocked. It hasn’t really hit me yet. I sure do love waking up able to breathe, though, and not needing inhalers. No more constant coughing, tightness, wheezing or congestion, either.

Mom and Dad left a message on AOL wishing me a happy Jewish New Year and once again, I wonder if Ma’s not senile or something. She said that in the package of bedding she sent me, she may have accidentally sent her new bedding, too! Jesus! Anyway, she asked for me to ship any white/yellow checkered bedding back that I may get and said she’d pay the postage. I told her not to worry about the postage and that I’d ship it back to her.

As I said, I’ve been feeling lazy and tired today and will do the dishes, the grocery list and some cooking tomorrow. Right now I could sure go for a cup of hot chocolate, so I’ll return later to tell you all about our new black Mongolian gerbil, Gizzy!

Later…

I did get the dishes done, after all.

Gizzy’s half the size of Teddy Bear and probably won’t get as big. He’s all black with just a tiny dot of white on the chest and two front paws. This, or if they’re all black, is how you know what kind of gerbil it is (Tom researched this online).

T-Bear may like and get along with Bunny and Spunky, but he’s not very fond of Gizzy and the feeling’s mutual. I was right when I said they wouldn’t kill each other, but they really loved bullying each other around. So, they’re together, but separate. I put a clear, grated cap in between them, so they can get nose to nose, but not shove each other around and hiss about each other. T-Bear’s the one that hisses. We read that hamsters don’t get along with other hamsters (although gerbils love other gerbils), so maybe Gizzy’s scent is too much like a hamster’s, cuz T-Bear loves Bunny and Spunky.

Anyway, I also got another little cactus figurine. This one’s made of plastic and has two little purple silk flowers on it. Not for their cage, of course, but for decoration.

I got another wire wheel too, as the purple, red and yellow ones are screwed up. The wire ones are the best. My first wire one was all pink. This one - the wheel was magenta, but the stand was purple. So I made them both of two different colors and have one that’s pink and purple and the other’s magenta and pink.

Gizzy’s in the medium-sized cage and has more tubes to use than T-Bear and T-Bear’s in the aquarium and little cage.

WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 8, 1997 Well, this dog that I thought wasn’t so bad after all, was a different story last night. For about an hour or two in the early evening yesterday, it just wouldn’t shut the fuck up! Then, I heard it again at midnight for a while, but I just ran and blasted my music and sang my heart out to try to deal with it that way without me freaking out. Then today, as I was over seeing the kittens, it heard me and started barking, nearly scaring the shit out of me.

I’m trying to keep my promise to Tom, but it is sooo hard. If I could just have 5 minutes with them, their dog’s barking would be a thing of the past and there’d be no chance of them ever returning to blasting in and out of here. It wouldn’t ruin our filing for a line of credit by causing them to complain, etc. like Tom said. However, if I hear that dog after 10 PM more than once in a blue moon, I’ll be over there. And the poor little black bitch will know I exist, alright.

Ma sent a message thanking us for the instructions and said she got a re-dialer that’s just 25¢ a call and a far cry from Sprint.

Mom and Dad only type in either all lower or all upper-case letters. This time it was all caps.

Tom’s mom also sent home a picture of her, dad, and Tom at the racetrack, standing by one of Tom’s honorary horses. It’s in a nice frame and is on the shelf with other pictures.

Tom said that this is guessing very conservatively, but he says that the bed should be delivered by November 3rd or 4th. Something will come up to delay that too, I’m sure, but I hope not. For once, I hope not. We’ve waited long enough for this.

Finally! Andy’s to be leaving PHX on the 13th and he’ll be in Springfield from the 14th-18th. Then early on the 18th, he’ll be going to New York to see Xena (I take it Michelle’s still going with him). Then he’ll be driving back to PHX on the 19th and he expects to arrive here on the 22nd.

Later…

It’s a gorgeous day of about 80º. I put Bunny outside for a little while and changed the cat’s water and gave them more food. Mama Cat now lets me get within a few feet of her, but she still hisses at me when I do. The kittens still shy away from me, too. They’ve grown a little since they were here when we had that huge storm, and they’re so cute! I fried up some chicken a few days ago, before Tom got cat and kitten food, and gave them some of that, and Mama Cat devoured that in no time.

They’re still having that buy-one-get-one-free deal on bread, so the birds are still getting bread. The good thing about it is that they’re not messing up the patio. I’ve got them held back on the lawn by throwing their food out there to them and they don’t bother with coming onto the patio.

Another withdrawal symptom I’m having is dizziness. That’s due to the brain suddenly getting all this extra oxygen that it’s not used to getting. At least I’m not stuck for a second day in a row. I took two shits earlier.

Tom says that another reason, in his eyes, that would cause God to be more willing to allow us a child, is cuz of how I’d be trying to quit for just me in the past, but this time I’m quitting for me, him and for a kid. Well, I still don’t see him budging on that, cuz if God hasn’t yet found me deserving and ready for it, then how could he ever? Yes, it does make sense, like I said before, that he’d give someone a child after they quit smoking, but then there’ll be something else that’ll make sense, then something else, cuz that’s the way it always works. So what about the things that made sense before I quit? If it is a case of God waiting for me to quit smoking, why did he wait till now to give me the strength to allow myself to quit? Why not years ago? Also, if quitting smoking is the key to a child in God’s eyes, I’ll know by January at the latest. If I’m not pregnant by then, then I’m still right about it not being fated to be.

We’ll also see just how much this really does affect Tom’s performance in bed too, or if he just said it would in order to motivate me. I really hope not, cuz although I’m used to the way things are and don’t expect them to change just cuz I stopped smoking, I don’t like bullshit motivational tactics, either.

There are a lot of ways that I can analyze and view this whole thing. I mean, I do feel like I’m being prepared for something, but the thing that seems most logical kind of scares me. What if God’s preparing me for some major tragedy like some accident or illness that he feels I’d die from if I smoked? This could be to prepare me for something terrible to come too, but we’ll see in time if it’s to survive something bad, to help something good, or simply just because.

Later…

Well, we just got done screwing. I didn’t cum cuz I’m not as horny after my period, and of course, he didn’t either. He said that’d take a few weeks to change. Mhm. Sure. I’ve heard this before a million times.

I’m taping a movie right now so I don’t have to watch all the baby commercials. Sex and babies are the last things I need to be dealing with right now.

It’s now been 95 hours since my last smoke. How unreal it seems.

I doubt it, but can’t be sure if the beast barked up a storm this evening. I had fans on so I wouldn’t have to be bothered with hearing anything that may piss me the hell off. Tom said the early evening barking will stop as the weather cools down. He says that when it’s really hot, the thing’s being still and lazy, building up energy for barking fits as it gets cooler at sundown. But, now that it’s getting cooler, it shouldn’t bark more during the day, but it should bark less at night. Whatever, I mean, I just wish the dog and them would drop dead and that that house would stay empty till we moved, but life’s all about wishing and dreaming.

Soon, I’ll be stopping all letters to Paula. Except for Larry, I’m not gonna have a one-sided pen pal deal here, and for all I know, that PO Box may not even belong to her anymore. Not with how much she moves around. So, just like with Shelly, no letters from me till and if I ever hear from her.

Entry by Tom -

I’m taking time away from reading my book to write this entry. I’m so proud of the way you have stopped smoking. I’m sure that things are going to get better. I should be able to get the washers changed on Friday and most of the branches picked up as well. I think I had better close out this entry and start getting ready for work. I love you.

TUESDAY, OCTOBER 7, 1997 Boy, has our weather changed overnight. This is the kind of weather our sick freeloaders won’t appreciate. I hope. He’s never been living here past - what? Wasn’t it around late October or early November that he moved and only came around for visits every 1-3 weeks? Nonetheless, it’s gone from hot to chilly and I’ll bet that tonight, it’ll be too cold to be out sleeveless. I even have the cooler on vent and not on cool right now.

Things have been peaceful around here. I just hope that God will be understanding of my rather fragile situation now and that he’ll hold off the next phone call about any more deaths or problems of a serious nature. And any other problems, too.

This is day 3 of not smoking and it sure is a challenge. It’s definitely the hardest thing I’ve ever done and it makes losing weight, learning to draw, and learning sign language and Spanish seem like a piece of cake. Having and raising a child may be the hardest thing to do, but this is surely runner-up. Tom, who says I’m Wonder Woman, says I can do both. I don’t know about that.

After letting Andy know I was trying to quit smoking, he left me quite a self-absorbed message yesterday, telling me how frustrated he is that he has no car, no sex, etc. Not that I don’t care or know what it’s like to have hardships, but I told him not to take it personally if he doesn’t hear much from me, since I’m trying to avoid things I’d associate with smoking. I just can’t sit and play phone with him or be held up from things I’ve got to do, which I’m way behind on. I haven’t been doing much, though, cuz this not smoking thing has made me tired. Then, I wondered if he even got my messages (Laura could’ve erased them) about what happened with Lisa and with the not smoking and then he returned the message saying he was sorry to hear about Lisa, will try to see Tammy and all of them when he goes back east, and that’s impressive that I’ve quit smoking, but don’t feel bad if I fail.

I’d feel miserable if I failed, but anything’s possible. Tom thinks this is it, but Andy’s a pessimist like me and may be that way about the not smoking for a while, as well as a bit jealous. This is understandable, though. I’m just trying to take it one step at a time and not tell myself I’ll succeed or I’ll fail. Just that I hope to succeed.

I just hope Andy leaves soon enough. He said he feels like this trip is never gonna happen, but his ma left him a message saying she was car hunting for him, so hopefully he’ll be gone and will feel better once he gets his new car. I hope God will allow him to have a life when he returns, too. If he could just meet that perfect guy and have more things to do besides work, smoke pot and talk on the phone, then he’ll be happier and maybe he won’t bug me so much with calls.

Anyway, I am breathing better and my nose is clearer. My skin also seems a bit softer, too. I’m at 108 pounds and sure to keep climbing. One thing at a time, though, so I’m not worrying right now about weight, exercise, or anything like that. All I’m worried about is not smoking and staying at least active/busy enough and not eating like a pig. I haven’t eaten more than I usually do, though, but we’ll just see where my weight goes in time if I continue to succeed with not smoking.

The Nicorette came with a lot more than it did when I last tried it back east. It had a booklet about the gum and was full of motivational stuff when I got it before, and it not only had that this time too, but it had a tape of the booklet as well. It also had stickers to stick on your calendar to remind you when to begin each of the 3 steps. You’re supposed to be on the gum for 12 weeks, but after 6 weeks, you drop the gum from one piece every 1-2 hours to one piece every 2-4 hours. Then on weeks 10-12, I have one piece every 4-8 hours.

The booklet also had a personal ID number where you can call an 800 number to get a personalized stop-smoking plan. Over a 12-week course, you get a stop-smoking plan, a newsletter with people’s stories about quitting, a motivational postcard, more tips on quitting, a congratulations packet with weight-loss tips, and an award certificate. They also ask you questions like, are you quitting for better health? To save money?

After I had the relapse after going 29 hours, I had 7 cigarettes till I quit again for the last time 6 hours later at 11 PM on October 4th. I put the cigarettes out in the garage and asked Tom to hide them, which he did. When he gets up, though, I’ll tell him he can now destroy them. Even though I’ve only had 7 cigarettes since 1 PM on Friday, my quit time is officially 11 PM on Saturday, cuz I haven’t had any cigarettes since then.

Tom always told me that if I ask him to get me cigarettes, he will, and that as long as I try my best, that’s what’s important to him. He’s been a great support, very cheerful, positive, etc.

Tom says he feels better himself and that he’s peppier and less congested when he wakes up. I love not being so tight and wheezy and congested. The two withdrawal symptoms I’ve had the most are trouble concentrating and fatigue, but it could be worse. At least I don’t have headaches and stomach upsets like I thought I would. I was stuck 3 days ago, and today, but the last two days I had no problem and hopefully I won’t stay stuck much longer.

I had asked for a puzzle instead of the gerbil, so I could keep my hands busy, but I guess that Tom’s still gonna get me a gerbil if I’m still not smoking this Friday. I got the puzzle really cheap at just $3, but I still have a hard time doing things that require concentration, so I’ll try again some other time.

Later…

One of the side effects of this gum, besides heartburn, is hiccups. Especially if you chew too fast. So I have to sometimes take the gum out and swallow water upside down a few times to get rid of them.

Ma sent home with Tom a beautiful pitcher with cactuses on it today. I washed it out as it was quite dusty and it’s now sitting on top of the frig.

Tom trimmed the tree out front and got a lot done around here. He even sorted through the file box and in it, was a packet of all different colored paper used for origami. I’m using them for letters to Bob and to keep track of when I take the Nicorette.

I got letters from Bob and Kim, but why does Kim keep sending me Bob’s boring letters? I told her she didn’t need to bother, but oh well.

I’m gonna take a popcorn break, then will be back to continue on.

Later…

Oh, the urge to smoke after popcorn is bad! I just popped a piece of the gum and that’ll help, but perhaps I should wait on the popcorn.

I called Ma the other day who wanted to know why she got $200 from AOL added to her phone bill. I guess she’s using an access number that’s not local cuz like she said, she’s supposed to pay a flat-rate fee of $19.95 a month and all she spent was $50 to have someone set up their computer (and Tom could’ve done it for free). Tom sent her a message on what to do.

Speaking of money, we got a line of credit which we’ll probably always have, so if the AC died, or we needed money for whatever, it’s there. Naturally, though, we have to pay it back in payments. Things always take longer than you plan, though, if they happen at all, so I guess the bed’s gonna be delayed for at least two more weeks since it takes 14 days for the guy to process everything. Tom didn’t think it’d take that long.

I guess that wasn’t their dog I heard yesterday that I thought was inside. When I went out earlier, I heard that same dog and thought it was theirs inside their house, but then I heard it, very loud and clear, just over the wall at just about 1-2 feet away. So, this was really some other dog with a similar bark that was at a distance. If there’s anything positive I could say about their dog, it’s that it’s not the problem I thought it’d be. It doesn’t bark as much as I thought it would and I’m sure that the winter won’t be any different. The only difference there’ll be is that at any moment, those two dogs will be at it every other 5 minutes from sunup to sundown.

At around 5:30 I headed over there with water. Remember the cats are in between the two houses, and while I was there, I heard an adult male voice and a female child’s voice and saw a ball head for the hoop, but only once, then it went dead quiet. It could’ve been kids passing by, but I doubt it. I think it was the little girl and the teenage boy.

The kittens, as well as Mama Cat, seem to be warming up to me and I’m bringing them food, milk and water regularly. Tom picked up cat food today. It’ll still be a while, if ever, before I can just walk up and pat any of them.

Naturally, Tom’s running around saying he’s 100% sure I’ll be getting pregnant soon and that my quitting smoking will help ensure this, cuz it’ll make our sex better and more frequent. As I told him, I don’t believe anything till I see it, just like I wouldn’t believe I’d go 3 days without smoking out here in AZ till I did. I don’t believe I’ll go 4 days, either, till I see it. Tom is naturally gonna say anything pleasant to my ears if it’ll help to motivate me to quit and stay that way, although I do feel more positive about it. It makes sense that if God were just waiting for the right time that now’s it, but I still don’t see how my quitting smoking’s gonna change a damn thing in that department. It’s the things that make sense that don’t seem to happen nearly as much as the things that don’t make sense. It’s the senseless things that occur all the time.

I asked Tom how he could still want a kid despite all the shit that goes on in this world and he said that that’s just life. He has a point, but I’m not gonna be worrying about no kid till and if I see it, and I have more important things to worry about right now and that’s that I stay off the cigarettes.

MONDAY, OCTOBER 6, 1997 I don’t know if I can concentrate on writing right now, but I’ll try. The reason I haven’t written in a few days is that I’ve quit smoking. Yes, you heard right, as shocking as it is.

Friday morning, I was really in a bad mood over what happened with Lisa, and I thought I’d help myself to feel better by going to the library, but that day God was in no mood to help me help myself. I ended up feeling worse, as I couldn’t even hear myself think in the library. Whatever happened to the be-quiet-in-libraries policy? You don’t bring a baby to a library. I mean, how rude! You leave your screaming babies at home and have consideration for others. But of course, no one seems to have that these days. Especially in Phoenix.

Anyway, Tom got one other John Saul book I thought he’d like (I can’t believe I got him into my favorite author and that he’s reading another book of his), then we went to Walgreens where we got the Nicorette gum.

I began at 1 PM Friday and made it 29 hours without smoking. Then I relapsed and smoked 7 cigarettes from 5 PM - 11 PM, then quit again. I haven’t had any cigarettes since 11 PM last night, which is almost 34 hours ago.

It’s tough at times. It really is. I still can’t concentrate well and am still having trouble staying focused without getting fidgety, so I’ll write more later.

Later…

OK, let’s see if I can bring myself to write some more now. It’s hard. It’s hard to do much of anything that requires concentration at this time.

Got my period early, as usual. This time, it was a whole 5 days early.

The kittens that Mama Cat had moved are back by the side of the house again. I gave her some tuna and some milk. Tom mentioned getting some dry cat food and letting the kittens decide whether or not they ever want to be our cats. Well, I just went around to the side of the house. I saw Mama Cat run off just as I went out, but when I went over to the side to see the kittens - they didn’t want to see me. They ran and hid in the bricks that are stacked up over there, but I left some more tuna there, anyway. Hopefully, they’ll warm up to me in time.

I couldn’t believe what I just heard while at the side of the house, but to my utter astonishment, it sounded like the dog was inside. Inside the house! It was barking, of course, and I could also hear sprinklers. At 10:30, they gave me a door slam, but last Friday they left at 7 AM, so maybe they don’t work every weekday or maybe their schedule varies, but someone’s gotta be over there. Or else they wouldn’t have sprinklers on and they wouldn’t have the dog inside where it couldn’t get out to do its business.

I wrote Kim and Paula a letter, but even that was a struggle. My mind kept wandering and I’ve been tired, too. After 18 years of having stimulants, the body has to relearn how to make its own energy. If I weren’t hyper to begin with, I’d be even more tired, I’m sure.

FRIDAY, OCTOBER 3, 1997 Let me get the good news out of the way before I get into the shitty news.

I got the first package my parents sent yesterday. My favorite thing was this little figurine of cactuses and flowers.

There were also 5 really cute little mini wind chimes. There were two floral ones, a rabbit, a dog, and an angel. They came with suction cups, but since they really do “suck” and don’t stay up, I hung them outside.

There was a windsock and a windsock spinner, which came with good timing. I had to retire my old windsock that got all faded and torn, so I put this new one up on the clothesline. I had a mini windsock that they sent when I was at the Vista, but that was faded and shredded too, so I put the spinner in its place on the patio.

They sent a couple of beach towels, a flag, a little Tupperware jar, pictures of Becky and Sarah, and a mauve-colored lamp. The lampshade got a bit dented up on its way here.

Lastly, they sent a keyboard wristrest. It’s gray, not a pretty color, but it’s nice and soft and velvety. However, I’m having a hard time getting used to it, although I’m sure Tom will like it a lot.

It was great to be able to turn around and send them a message about it right away, rather than have to take notes for my next letter to them.

Ma’s got a couple of computer questions for Tom. She wants a re-dialer for when AOL’s busy and she wants to know of a way to set things up so she doesn’t have to keep typing her password continuously. I know this can be set up so she doesn’t have to do this and I told her I think that the re-dialer is something she has to download from AOL, but that Tom will let her know for sure. He said he went on last night to email them, but AOL crashed, so he’ll do it today. We’ll see about that, but I hope so.

OK, here’s my shitty news and believe me, I’ve never before looked at my sterility as such a gift, rather than a curse.

Lisa was sexually assaulted at school yesterday. At school! Where kids are supposed to be safe. The definition of sexual assault is that she was not penetrated, thank God, but the fact that she was touched is bad enough.

What is it with God harassing and hurting this family when it comes to sexual issues and children? He’s hexed so many of us sexually, he killed my brother’s kid, he’s caused other problems for Tammy’s kids, sterilized me, and now this shit! How can any God inflict so much pain and hatred?! When’s he gonna leave this family the fuck alone?!

Well, like I said, he can sterilize me all he wants. I’m not gonna have a kid just so he can kill it, too. If we had a girl, it’d be sexually assaulted or raped. If we had a boy, it’d do the sexual assaulting and the raping for all I know, among all the other problems they’d have and create and you know me - if I had a daughter that was hurt sexually, I’d kill her attacker and if I had a son that put its hands or dick where it didn’t belong, I’d hack its hands and dick right off its body. Besides, it’s hard to imagine anything coming from me, coming out normal. I mean, with my luck, it’d be born with its left leg where its right arm was supposed to be.

Tammy doesn’t know what’ll happen from here. She said there are a lot of scenarios that could happen from here, but I think she knows like I do that the justice system is a complete flop. A total fuck-up. These animals are incurable, so they won’t be executed or put away for life like they should be. Even if it did any jail time, which I doubt, it’ll just get out and do it again.

Kids aren’t safe at home, they’re not safe at school, they’re not safe from God. It’s sick. It really is and if Tom goes on about birth control when he gets home and I tell him about this, I’m gonna be really pissed even more. He knows I know I’m sterile. You don’t put contraceptives over sterility, and it’d be just like me getting a perm. I’m sure he’ll be even more hesitant about cumming, but fine, let him do what he wants, cuz I know that no matter how much or how little he cums, I’m safe and God can keep this child from me all he wants. I don’t want him to give me a child just so he can hurt or kill it.

This is a little town that this happened in, so I can only imagine what goes on in mid-sized towns and big cities like Phoenix.

Just like Tammy’s told her the bullshit story of how I was supposed to have pulled off a gerbil’s tail when I was little and asked her to tape it back on when Lisa’s GP died to make her feel better. And just like she told her I tried killing myself when she found out she was thinking about it, there’s a chance she may tell Lisa that someone tried raping me in Agawam in the late 80s. I told her that I know she won’t make Lisa feel like it’s her fault and that she won’t push her away when she needs to talk, but that if she wanted to tell her about me and let her know that Lisa could talk to me too, anytime she wanted to, that’s fine.

Later…

As for the pictures of Becky and Sarah - Sarah looked cute, but Becky looked horrible. She looks like a little chipmunk with the way her teeth are, and her hair looked awful, too. It’s short, uneven disarray that looks like a wig someone just plopped on top of her head.

The HS sent me 5 cute holiday cards with animals on them. They’ll probably go to mom and dad, Tammy and her family, Larry and his family, Andy, Bob and Kim.

THURSDAY, OCTOBER 2, 1997 Tom took Mom to buy a new vacuum, too, and with it, she got a hand vacuum that she sent home to us. It’s awesome! It’s got a long cord and is way better than the battery ones. The battery ones die so fast and you’ve got to keep it plugged into a charger. This is great for picking up stray bits of sawdust that the animals kick out of their cages.

Later…

Great. Just great. Now I’m 106 lbs. Why has God taken such control over my body? Why won’t he just allow me to lose weight? It used to be that I’d lose weight on days that I didn’t eat much. I used to weigh less when I’d wake up. I shouldn’t be going to bed and waking up at the same weight, so why does he insist I hold this extra weight? Can’t I just get down to 100 lbs.? Will I ever get down there again? Well, obviously not, and obviously he doesn’t want me to for some reason. My body belongs to him. It’s totally in his control.

Andy left me a message yesterday telling me that he was pissed to notice Laura took $20 from him. He talked to the boyfriend about it who told him that she’s done that before and always replaces the money. He said a few days later, she did replace the $20. Once again, and as I told him, this is what he’s gonna get with most people, let alone a druggie, and also, he should be going to his roommate with problems he has with her and not the boyfriend or me first.

Later…

In my written gay journal that I’ve typed here too, along with all the others, the page I’m on now says: The day we stop resisting our instincts, we’ll have learned how to live. What about those who are forced to resist their instincts? Huh? Guess I’ll never learn how to live.

I also got a kick out of the quote that talked about people being under the illusion that gays want sex and straights want love. Everyone wants sex. That’s all the bulk of the population wants, regardless of sexual preference.

Anyway, I’ve been thinking of Andy and I feel really mad and bad for him. Both God and people really have double standards with some people. What’s acceptable of most just isn’t acceptable of all. Leave it to him to not be able to get away with the same types of conversations that the others can get away with, even though he does have a big mouth. And once again, if all good things come to those who wait, and if God wants to see love in this world and wants to help those who help themselves, where’s he been all Andy’s life? Where’s the love and other good things he’s been waiting for?

Andy also told me that some cook teasingly pinches his tit, he doesn’t like it, but he doesn’t go running to file a complaint about it. Yeah, I know what he’s saying. He wouldn’t, but the bulk of the world would, cuz he, like me and a few others in this world, isn’t allowed to get away with doing wrong and we’re not allowed to have the normal everyday things in life. I also don’t believe in running to the courts to solve your problems for the most part, if you can help it. I can see if some company owes you money or something like that and you go to small claims court, but I really would’ve preferred to beat the shit out of them last year than even discuss court with Tom, but I felt obligated to make the promise of not hurting them to him. It meant that much to him, although, if I went to court over the dog or the music, first of all, they’d more than likely do nothing. Second of all, even if they took away their dog and car (if they were still blasting in and out of here), and fined them, they’d just pay the fines and get a new dog and car. And if they didn’t, they’d go get some other source of noise. And also, this would increase the risk of them doing anything to the house, whereas if I kicked their asses, they’d be too scared and embarrassed to even come near this house. Well, nearer than the 3 feet that these psychos already are.

I know what it’s like to be under the submission of fear, pain, and anger, cuz I’ve been attacked before. It’s wrong when it comes to children, but sometimes other adults must put fear and pain into other adults in order to get them to do right and I know firsthand that it works. Back when I was either a child or too much of a damn wimp to fight back, I was either scared or hurt enough to do exactly what I was told to do. Fear and pain will control someone and if you’re mad enough and if you really want to, you can take just about anyone you want to and drive enough pain and fear into them to keep them in line.

WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 1, 1997 Andy left me a message saying it’s been a “long time” since we talked and that he has things to tell me that he doesn’t want to discuss on the machine. So I called him back and said it had only been 4 or 5 days since we talked. He said it had been 6 days. Wow! I told him I liked that, though, cuz it made it more fun to talk when we finally do, but if he could have his way, he’d talk to me for hours just about every day. No thanks. That’s too much for me and that gets boring. Besides, I like to do other things.

His parents still haven’t found him a car and this sexual harassment thing with this guy at work, isn’t over like he thought it was. The guy transferred to another restaurant, but he’s filed a formal complaint within the company. A man from Human Resources came in to interview everyone. Andy said he seemed like a fair man, but that this Spanish interpreter that interviewed some other employee seemed to give him both shocking and disgusting looks.

He said he was pissed off that he couldn’t be a part of all the interviews and know what they were saying, since it’s about him, and he’s worried that pages of the explicit sexual things he’s discussed with others will be written. I told him to let people use their brains and pens to think and write what they want. He knows the truth. Also, these cases are very hard to prove and usually, in most criminal cases, the defendant has more rights than the plaintiff does. They get more protection, freedom and privileges.

I hear him when he says that all the workers there constantly talk about sex, it’s everyone’s favorite subject, the world is full of sluts, I know he was just spilling his sexual life to this guy that spilled his first, and that this guy’s not his type, but it’s an unfair world. I can’t get away with the things most people get away with and it appears that he can’t either. It’s one thing to be yourself, but it’s another to open your mouth in the workplace and get involved in any personal discussions. Like I said, a lot of people can do that with no problem, but some can’t. He’s got to shut up and accept the fact that he can’t get away with the discussions that most people can get away with.

It’s really too bad that he can’t find love so that he’s not so bored and lonely, but then again, he may very well go to work spilling the details of what he did with that love, too. Still, it’d be nice if God allowed him some true love in his life, but he obviously doesn’t care to and won’t be helping him any more than he’d ever help me with my dreams. Why God feels such a need to control us, beats me. Why would any God want to deny the things that all people should have to anyone? Things like love and children that especially the good and deserving people should have.

I finished proofreading the Vista file and have 40 journals left to go. Some are short and some are long.

My weight’s still holding at 104 lbs. I don’t know if I’ll ever lose anymore. I could if I were willing to either starve myself or work out for hours a day, but I’m just too lazy to do either of these things.

Unfortunately, Tom proved that he does hold out and lie about things. He held out on telling me after I commented on how cruel it was to leave a dog outside 24/7, that when he was working on the roof, he saw her come out and take the dog inside (probably only cuz they saw him on the roof and were afraid he might shoot the fucking thing). He said he held out on telling me this cuz I seem to get angry when he mentions them. Well, he has a point, cuz I can’t stand these people, but what else has he held out on? If I was asleep and he was to hear their music, would he tell me? Or would he cover for them for fear of me harming them? Or did he make up seeing her take the dog inside for the simple sake of loving to argue/disagree with me?

On the second day that I was really tight, he offered to switch back to the cooler, but I told him I’d be fine when I gave this place a thorough cleaning. Then, he said that he’d like to switch back for him. Now, I can see that he saw that I felt guilty about the idea of costing too much money and that he wanted to do what he thought was best to make me feel better, but he’s told me that if he lived here himself, he’d never use the AC and I believe that. So see? He would lie to get his way.

[delicrieux]

☆ﾐ 𝚖𝚊𝚔𝚎 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚜𝚊𝚢 “𝚘𝚑”

PART 10: BIG DICK IS BACK IN TOWN

y/n is back in brooklyn for the holidays. thinking that a stream will make her feel less homesick for cali, she starts working on her famously titled hentai.free.srv. what was supposed to be a relaxing stream turns into a special delivery about two hours in.

─── corpse husband x reader ─── soc. media + written fiction! ─── word count: 2.2k ─── ❥ req: Here's one... You know those apps for delivery like Domino's or whatnot... What if reader is streaming Among Us with Corpse, and reader mentions they're hungry and Corpse offers to order them food, and readers like no no it's fine... Then there's delivery at the door (Corpse ordered beforehand) 

author’s note: fucky format is also back in town baby!!! also if you find any mistakes - no u didnt <3 thank u everyone for enjoying this story sm i literally cant believe how feral yall going strawberry cow was a nuclear explosion im still recovering tbh. got an ask a while ago and decided to incorporate it into myso. happy holidays everyone! myso will continue on monday!

ultimate masterlist.  ҉  myso masterlist   ҉   previous.  ҉   next.

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Indeed, being soft on any social media platform was the biggest disgrace and needed to be eliminated post haste. Moreover, it was a slippery slope - once you start flooding your timeline with cute imagery and heart emojis, what will stop you from posting inspirational Facebook quotes? Disgusting. If Rae were here, she would chide you (not you thinking about her as if she’s dead or something). For once in your life, you feel like you deserve it. 

Alas, you hope this little chaos you’ve caused is enough to throw everyone off. The stans, especially. You know the hashtags, you’ve seen ARMY scourging for info online with the same fervor and ruthlessness 1 Direction fans hacked airport security cameras just to spy on the boys. If you had any dirty secrets online, they are out to the public now - thankfully, besides the Harry Styles stan account (with edits and all), you have nothing. Though, now that you think about it, exposed nudes would have been better than your Punk!Harry edit receiving almost a million views. God, your life’s a fucking mess.

Your fans aren’t the only ones out for info - you, too, are trying to decipher Rae’s message. Code: Barbecue Sauce. The two of you had come up with it roughly two years ago, around the same time when you promised that if you didn’t find significant others by the time you’re 40, you’ll just marry each other. It was one of the many rules found in your friendship codex. Barbecue Sauce signifies information - an exchange of information. And depending on how it ends or begins (”So I’m sitting there” alludes to Rae, “On my titties” alludes to you), secret data on that person is given away, usually free of charge. 

But why? And to whom did Rae give away what? You had pestered her mercilessly and even sent some voice messages where you were crying. You were only crying because of a video of a grandpa smiling you saw on TikTok, but you are a snake, and so you put those tears to good use. If streaming doesn’t work out, you’ll just become an actress. Hollywood would love you. Your PR firm sure as fuck wouldn’t, though.

Rae was having none of it. She said you’ll figure it out eventually. Told you to channel your superior puzzle skills. You were quick to remind her that you can barely count to ten without having an aneurysm. Oddly serious, she admitted that she worries for you sometimes. Why only sometimes?! you demanded. She merely sighed. uttering under her breath something that sounded closely to “Boke.”

You leave her for barely a week and she’s already neck deep in the gay volleyball anime, hoodie and cardboard cutout and everything. Your life is falling apart.

But Brooklyn is nice. It had snowed when you stepped off of the plane. Thousands of snowflakes sprinkling into your hair, dotting your cheeks and nose. You missed this sight back in Cali. You missed your parents, too. 

Home cooked meals, old sweaters, your old room and about 40GB worth of old high school pictures on your computer. You went through them all one night. Some were stomach churning, cringe inducing nightmares. You were especially fond of those. Texted some of your friends that were still in Brooklyn, met up, decided to bake. Bad idea, Rae was the resident chef back in Cali. Besides laughing till your stomach hurt, and almost burning down your kitchen, nothing all that significant happened. Somewhere down the line, at about 3 am, half-way through a cheesy rom-com you had the overwhelming urge to text Corpse.

That’s where the problems really started. God, you missed California, missed being in the same timezone with a guy you hadn’t even met yet, how embarrassing is that?! You missed skating around and taking pictures of the beach in the setting sun, sending it to him, silently wishing he was with you to admire the view. 

You really want to call him. And to hang out with him. But for some reason, the thought of that springs up immediate anxiety and you shy away from asking. Him sending you cute good morning texts doesn’t help, either. Maybe it’s better he doesn’t know that you’re a blushing, stuttering mess each time you read “baby”. 

Late evening. Your stream is already set up, people are slowly trickling in and you greet them with a grin and a soft “Hello! Hi hi!”. You did your best to make your room a perfectly chaotic backdrop - led lights, an embarrassing amount of anime merch and plushies. You always try to balance out your weeb side by dressing hot as fuck for your streams - today’s inspiration just so happens to be egirls. Mostly because you watched one too many egirl make-up tutorials on TikTok, and also because you’ve been listening to Corpse’s song all day.

Yeah, no, who are you kidding, you dressed up this way because you were hoping Corpse was watching your stream. You didn’t forget your cat headphones, either. You know he likes them. You want to make him suffer. Perhaps then, finally, he will ask you out, so you wouldn’t have to.

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“I feel like,” You start when you put away your phone, staring idly at the chat, “I feel like I need a new name for you guys. Calling you guys after two years of streaming is just... weird, no? I also don’t respect men so I don’t want to call you guys. Like, so many creator’s have, like, a name for their fans. Uhm, Cody Ko has the chodesters, Kurtis Conner has, uh, folks? Kurtis Town? Citizens! Markiplier has mommy issues--” You can’t help snorting, “So, I’ve been, like, thinking - I know, shocking! - so I was thinking I’m gonna name you cockroaches. Because you’re grimy little shits impossible to kill. And also then I can use the legendary Minaj meme ROACHES!”

Your stream enthusiastically echoes ROACHES, making the chat swim. Yes, if anyone would enjoy such a name, it would be your audience. You’re as equally proud as you are disturbed.

“Well, anyway.” Leaning back into your chair, you throw your arms out with a bright grin, “Big dick is back in town, baby! If you noticed the backdrops different, it’s cuz I’m in Brooklyn now. Don’t ask me when I will return to Always Sunny, I don’t plan that far ahead.”

While Minecraft boots up, you decide to answer a few questions.

r u dating sykkuno?

You want to smack your head into the keyboard, but as it is, you can’t exactly afford a new one, so you refrain, “No, Sykkuno and I are not dating, we are just good friends. Uhm, I’m not sure how much I’ll have to repeat this, but, we really aren’t, so if the roaches could chill - Oh my God, that sounds so stupid, I love it - uh, yeah, if the roaches could chill that’d be great.”

the roaches lmao sounds like we’re a sports team

“Oh shit, yeah it does, uh-- maybe I can make like, jerseys or something. That’d be cool, I think.”

how disappointed are your parents with the way your life turned out?

“My parents are actually not disappointed at all!” You say with a cute little smile, “Uhm, they’re both really proud, actually. They’re glad I found something I love doing and made a job outta it. Dad finds my Youtube videos endearing. Yes, they watch pretty much all of my videos, unless I explicitly tell them not to. And yeah, with all the fucks and thirsting for anime characters. Uhm, it was very embarrassing at first, but I mean, after a while, shame just...doesn’t exist anymore, I guess? Funny thing about my parents, actually, when they watch my videos-” You eye catches a comment, “Oh! No, they only watch my Youtube videos. They don’t know how to use Twitter, thank God. Uhm, anyway-- when they hear a name they don’t know, like, I dunno, Dabi, or something, they google--” You’re grinning by now, eyes crinkling, giggling softly, “--who that is, and buy me like, merch and stuff. It’s really cute. 

can i be adopted by ur parents plz

will you and corpse ever collab?!

You were about to answer, though the man of the hour himself decides to do it for you.

Corpse_Husband: yes.

Okay, not to say your heart skipped a beat, but it totally did. With a pleased smile, you nod, like one of those bobble head toys sold at the dollar store. The motion is oddly reminiscent of Sykkuno’s own nod. Perhaps you had picked it up from him. The chat seems to notice.

pack it up, sykkuno

More questions pile about this mysterious collab you and Corpse are planning. Yeah, you’d like to hear more about it, too, since he single highhandedly decided one was happening right now. Corpse remains silent. Fine, keep your secrets. 

“Okay, guys, oh, I mean, roaches, Oh my God--” You’re covering your mouth, giggling, “-calling all roaches, calling all roaches, calm down. Everyone grab a snack and a blanket I’m turning up the music volume so we can all chill. Entering chill zone. Entering chill zone. Roaches, prepare.”

we are prepared

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An hour or so passes and you grow hungry. It shows with the amount of cakes you had baked in your server. Currently, you find yourself throwing eggs at the wall of one of the renovated houses, your face scrunched in concentration and slight frustration. 24 of the 50 eggs have been wasted. “What’s a girl gotta do to get some chicks around here?” you had uttered under your breath, until, finally, a screech - the egg finally spawns a mob. Your mouth falls open, “Aww, look!” You approach it, so small, walking in zigzags beside you, “It’s a baby chicken! Die, bitch.” The baby chicken is no more as you swing your bedazzled (you have mods) diamond sword. You’re cackling by the time the dust settles.

y/n is a child murderer

“Roaches,” You address your fan-base, spurring another fit of laughter - you can’t get over the name, “I think I’m like, forgetting that eating in Minecraft won’t actually make less hungry in real life.”

take a break and go eat queen <3

“Fuck no, we starve and die like men. Now I actually really need another chicken.”

Another twenty minutes trickle by and you’re trying to lure back a panda from the jungle when there’s a knock on your bedroom’s door. Whipping your head to the side, you slide down your headphones. At the same time, your mom pokes her head through the ajar door, “MOM!” You scream, “Get OUT of my room I’m playing Minecraft!” But your yell has no actual bite to it, as you don’t manage to hide your smile. Your mom laughs, doing some sort of sign language and motioning for you to follow her with her head. That or it’s some sort of performative dance. 

“I’m live right now,” You tell her, pointing at your screen. She knows this already, though, “do you want to say hi?” 

The roaches spam the chat with friendly hellos. You mom, quite impatient now, waves you over. 

“Sorry, roaches, mom needs something. Be back in a bit!”

Stopping the stream, you rush out of your seat and pleased she slinks into the hallway. “What’s this about?”

“Your pizza came.”

“My what now?” You echo, confused.

“Domino’s. You ordered pizza?”

“What? No? I was busy with the stream, I never--”

Thankfully, you had managed to grab your phone from your room before you exited. You almost choke on spit once you read the messages.

✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼

✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼

You decide that it’ll be impossible to stream after experiencing what you had just experienced. You tweet out a quick apology to the roaches (God, that fucking name) and say that you had a breakdown but you’re okay. That is as a close to the truth as you managed to muster. It’s a sad sight, chewing and crying; your mom winced when she saw your state - disheveled hair and rundown eyeliner and everything. “D’aww,” She had muttered, caressing the top of your head, “don’t cry my little raccoon.”

If anyone was ever to ask you where did your chaotic nature come from, you’d answer with my mom. To make yourself feel better, you took a selfie - duck face and peace sign and the horrible 2000′s angle. Sent it to Rae. 

looking hot, her message read. 

thanks, was all you replied with.

You couldn’t just leave things as they were. Once you calmed down, you wanted to text Corpse, but how would you follow up the ungodly caps lock and screeching? Impossible. An idea sprung to mind, one that was brave. Taking the first step.

Instead of sending a text, you sent a voice memo.

“Thank you for the pizza, it was delicious.”

You voice still sounded a bit raspy. His reply was instant. Your heart skipped a beat. He sent a voice memo back.

“Glad you liked it, baby.”

He was going to be the death of you.

✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼

tags (in italics is those i couldn’t tag! make sure all’s ok w your settings!) : @littlebabysandboxburritos - @fairywriter-oracle - @tsukishimawh0re - @ofstarsanddreams - @bbecc-a - @annshit - @leahh19 - @letsloveimagines - @bellomi-clarke - @wineandionysus - @guiltydols - @onephootinfrontoftheother - @liamakorn - @thirstyfangirl - @lilysdaydreams - @pan-ini - @mxqicshxp - @tanchosanke - @yoshinorecommends - @flightsandfantasy - @liljennyx3 - @slashersdream - @unknown-and-invisible - @sinister-sleep - @fivedicksinatrenchcoat - @mercury–moon - @peterparkerspjsuit - @unstableye - @simonsbluee - @shinyshimaagain - @ppopty - @siriuslystupid - @crapimahuman - @ofthedewthesunlight - @mythicalamphitrite - @artsyally - @corpsesimpp - @corpsewhitetee - @corpse-husbandsimp - @hyp-oh-critical - @roses-and-grasses - @rhyrhy462 - @sparklylandflaplawyer - @charbkgo - @airwaveee - @creativedogs - @kaitlyn2907 - @loxbbg - @afuckingunicornn - @fleurmoon - @yeolliedokai - @truly-dionysus - @multi-fandom-central707

more tags are in the comments bcs tumblr only allows me to tag 50 people max 💙

[kat-katsuki]

Sunflower and White Rose | Bakugou Katsuki x Reader Part 3

Fantasy AU

Masterlist

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 4

Warnings: Swearing (cuz bakugou)

tags: @jazzylove​ @whalerus​ @angie-1306​

WC: 3.1k

"AAAAHHHHHHHHH!" Kirishima had to hold his hands over his sensitive ears when Bakugou started screaming over the cliff. Bakugou wasn't a dragon shapeshifter, but his roar was almost as loud as one. "FUCK!!!!" He growled at the valley. "FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK!"

"Calm down Katsuki!" Kirishima shouted.

"How the fuck do you expect me to fucking calm down!? How?! She's fucking partnered! And of all people, she's partnered with that shitty Deku!" Bakugou whirled around, flailing his arms in the air as if he were going to slap someone. "NnggggGGGRAHHH!" He threw his fist into the ground, denting it as well as injuring his knuckles. How he wished he could go to you, so you could heal his hand, but you were now someone else's partner. "Why...?"

"Well you didn't exactly give her a choice," said Kirishima. "Izuku was the only one who asked her."

"She asked him!" Bakugou reminded.

"Well of course she would. He gave her his flower! It'd be rude not to, considering he's the only one willing to give her flowers."

"I'm willing! What the fuck did you think I was saving that flower for?" Bakugou howled.

"BUT YOU DIDN'T! YOU RAN AWAY!"

Kirishima's words were like knives that stabbed right into Bakugou's already wounded heart. That's right. He ran away. He didn't even try. Why? Why didn't he try? Was he afraid? Afraid of what? Getting rejected? That's hilarious. Who in the right mind would reject him? You would. You definitely would. After all the harsh things he's said to you, after all the names he's called you. Why would you even accept his affection? You were afraid of him. He could tell by the way you cower in his presence.

"Fuuck..." Bakugou grabbed a fistful of his bangs. He sank down to the ground, squatting as he tried to hold back the tears in his eyes. He messed up. He really messed up. He's such a horrible person. He doesn't deserve you. He doesn't deserve to be king.

Kirishima pretended not to notice the little streams gliding down the prince's cheeks. In their culture, crying was looked down upon. As royalty, he must never cry, not even when in pain. However, as his friend, Kirishima understood that Bakugou had it harder than anyone. He had to be dauntless, had to be strong. He had to be free, and he had to be perfect. Maybe that was why he was so attracted to you. You were the opposite of perfect. You were a scaredy-cat, and you were clumsy. You were bounded to the ground, and was hella weak.

But perhaps you were the one who was truly free. You were free from expectations, free from traditions. You were always out there learning new things, and being yourself without worrying that others might change their impression of you, since their impression weren't so great to begin with. In a way, he envied you. But what he envied you the most, was that kindness.

He gets mad easily, and always ends up saying hurtful things. He holds grudges, and he makes sure to return them tenfold. You, on the other hand, accepted all the negativity of others, and only returned with respect. You show empathy to all creatures. You possess qualities he secretly wished he had but never will have.

He tried his best to change for you. Ashido, Sero, Kaminari, and Kirishima can all prove that. For the past few weeks he's been doing his best to control his swearing and refrain from calling them by the mean nicknames. It was all practice so he could talk to you normally. He can't believe all that practice went to nothing.

"Hey man, it's not over yet. You still have a chance," Kirishima placed a hand on Bakugou's shoulder.

"How? She already accepted his fucking flower," Bakugou grumbled.

"Come on man! The flower exchange isn't the main event! It's just an excuse for people to confess to their loved ones! The main event is the fire dance! Remember? Only true lovers who dance together at the fire dance will be blessed by the fire god, and their love will last for lifetimes to come!"

"What are you getting at?"

"What I mean is there's still time! The dance isn't until tomorrow night! You just have to confess your feelings and get her to dance with you by tomorrow night!"

That sounds easy, but how was he going to do that? Beat Deku up and take you by force? That would just make you hate him even more. Plus, what if you reject him?

"Stop thinking about the what-ifs!" Kirishima exclaimed, as if reading his mind. "You don't know how it's gonna turn out unless you try Katsuki! If you don't pursue her you're really going to lose her! Do you want that?"

The idea of getting rejected by you was humiliating, but the idea of losing you because he never bothered to try was even worse. "Alright....." A ghost of a smile appeared on Bakugou's lips. "But I'll need some preparations."

Kirishima's face lit up with excitement. "You got it man! Mina, Denki, and Hanta and I are ready to help any time!"

It was almost sundown. You were grinding the herbs you had collected earlier today. When you saw the sun start to set, you quickly picked up the Alstroemeria that you had picked for Midoriya. You didn't have a flower for him yesterday, so you planned to return one today. You hoped he'd like it.

Midoriya showed up right on time. The sky was a beautiful orange red, a sign that the fire god had descended from heaven.

Legend says that thousands of years ago, the fire god, Hino, descended from heaven, and fell in love with a mortal, Nue. They married and had a child. That child was the first fire breather, the dragon. When Hino's mortal wife passed away, he was very sad. In order to see her again, he bound their souls together, and descended from heaven. It is said that when two souls are bound, they will always be able to find each other, in all of their lifetimes. And they will fall in love, over, and over again, for eternity. To celebrate their love, their descendants would hold a festival every year on the day the fire god was said to have descended to earth. And it is said, true lovers who dance the fire dance together will get their blessings from the fire god, so they too can bind their souls for eternity.

"Ready?" Midoriya asked.

"Before we go, I want to give you this," you said as you handed him the Alstroemeria. "I'm sorry I didn't have a flower for you yesterday."

"That's okay, and thank you. I love it," Midoriya smiled as he accepted the orange and yellow flower from your hand.

The two of you headed into the depth of the village, where the festival was being held. Torches were set up all over the sides of the streets, and there were games and competitions, food and dances!

You and Midoriya went to the carpenter's yurt, where he had set up a floor full of dragon masks. He gave you and Midoriya each a dragon mask, which you two wore on the side of your faces, and the two of you headed to the next yurt.

When the two of you finally made it to the banquet, you were starving. The fire festival is the biggest event of the year, and the food of the banquet is hunted by the best hunters of the tribe, prepared by the best cooks too. Each year they'd prepare three days worth of food for the entire village. You swore you'd eat a whole year's worth of meat, because after this day you'll have to wait for the next year.

"(Y/N)! Izuku! Heyyy! Finally found you guys!" While you and Midoriya were grabbing food, you heard a familiar voice call out your names.

"Eijirou-kun? Mina-chan? Hanta-kun and Denki-kun too?" Midoriya raised a brow. "Why were you looking for the two of us?"

You noticed how Bakugou wasn't with them, and there was a hint of disappointment in your heart. However, on the bright side, he may have found a partner, and was currently with them right now. Wait, why does that hurt even more?

"Well we were going around the festival as a group, and we wanted to ask if you guys wanna join us!" Ashido said. You're brows lifted in surprise. It's not uncommon for friends to travel in groups, but the fire festival is really a couples thing, so you were surprised to see Kirishima and Ashido traveling with Sero and Kaminari.

"I guess I'm okay with it! What about you (Y/N)-chan?" Midoriya asked you.

"Yeah! The more the merrier!" You replied. In truth you weren't close with any of them, but since they were Midoriya's friends, you didn't want to be rude.

"Great! Wait... (Y/N)-chan why aren't you wearing your fire dress?" Ashido asked, looking up and down at your plain, grey thin strapped dress which ended at your knees. You had a tight belt on your waist with some accessories dangling, but it was nothing different from you normally wore.

The dragon women don't normally wear dresses, but the fire dress was different. It is a traditional outfit especially for the fire dance. It's usually made by the mother for the daughter. Everyone's fire dress is different, but it is generally always in brilliant shades of reds, orange, and yellows. Ashido's fire dress was very similar to her normal wear. It was a red and black zebra print breast cover, and she wore one metallic breast plate over her left breast, as she normally would when she was out riding dragons. She had two long sashes flowing down in front and behind her legs. The sashes were a beautiful red, mixing into orange and yellow at the end.

"I...don't have anyone to make one for me," you told her. Your mother passed away when you were very little. Ashido quickly placed a hand over her mouth, regretting asking the question. "Plus, Izuku and I don't plan on doing the fire dance."

"Why is that?" Kirishima asked.

"Well, the fire dance is a lovers thing. We're just friends, so we think we'll just stand by and watch," Midoriya chuckled.

A soft smirk made its way to Kirishima and his friends' lips. Suddenly, Ashido clapped her hands together. "Ahh! I suddenly have the urge to relieve myself! But it's gotten so dark, it's not safe out here! (Y/N)-chan do you wanna come with me?" she asked.

"Eh? Uh...sure...." You couldn't say no. Ashido winked at Kirishima and grabbed you by the wrist. Without warning she dashed off, dragging you with her. "AAHH!" You were not a good runner. Especially not against the strongest female warrior of your tribe.

You noticed how she dragged you straight out of the village, which was weird because there were multiple places in the village where people did their business. The dragon mask on your head fell to the ground, but she didn't give you a chance to pick it up. But she didn't give you a chance to ask because you were busy trying to breathe while running through the meadows.

When she finally came to a stop, you immediately fell to the ground. You let go of her hand as you fell to your knees and gasped for air. Your sweat dripped onto the hard soil in pitter patters. Your chest expanded and shrunk exaggeratedly as you tried to intake as much air as possible. "A-....Ashido...-san....why did you....bring me here?" you panted.

She didn't answer you, instead she called out to the darkness. "Hey! I brought her! Make sure you don't fuck up this time!" she shouted. You felt your blood go cold. What did she want with you all the way outside the village? Was she gonna kill you?

You were about to scream, but you heard a familiar voice shout back, "SHUT THE FUCK UP RACOON EYES!"

Ashido chuckled before turning to you. "Sorry I tricked ya! Please forgive me. If all goes well, that guy will bring you back," she pointed her thumb towards the dark outskirts of the meadow.

"What?" You asked. You couldn't see a thing in the darkness.

Ashido's chest expanded. She blew out puffs of fire all around them, each puff of fire landing on a torch, lighting it, until ten torches were lit all around them. Your eyes widened at the sight before you. White roses. White roses everywhere. You thought you were taken to a meadow, but this was a sea of white roses. But for some reason there were no thorns poking at you. Why is that?

"Alright, I'm out!" Ashido suddenly disappeared.

"What?" You stood up, turning around, but she was gone.

"I'm sorry... I got those shitty bastards to help me, but removing the thorns took some time." A familiar voice said in an unfamiliar tone. You turned around again, this time to face the torches. At the very center, stood a familiar spiky ash blonde man with breathtaking crimson eyes. He wore earrings made of the red hawk's talons, necklaces made of the great howlers' blue claws. Each bead on his neck was a proof of the number of battles he's won. A furry red cape slung over his shoulders, covering the back of his bare torso. It was none other than your prince.

"Prince Katsuki? What are you doing here? What about the fire festival?" you asked in disbelief, still trying to make sense of the situation.

Bakugou slowly made his way towards you through the roses. "Yesterday, I messed up and lost my partner to someone else. Right now, I'm getting her back," he said.

"Partner? To who? Ashido just left though!" You pointed to the direction behind you. Your eyes expanded at the same pace as him getting closer to you. Finally, he was standing right before you, his figure towering over you like a tall and almighty dragon. It was rude to look royalty in the eye, but for some reason you couldn't take yours away from his.

"I know I said a lot of mean things to you... I never thanked you for saving me, and keeping my secret... I'm not the nicest person, and I'm not worthy of your kindness...but still... I want to tell you that I love you... I love you (Y/N). I want to be your partner. I want to get the fire god's blessing with you." Under the torch light, you could vaguely see a hint of red over Bakugou's cheeks. His beautiful rubies gazed right into your (e/c) gems.

"What...." You were utterly lost for words. Did your ears play tricks on you? Because just now you felt like you heard your prince ask you to be his partner. "M-...Me?!" You pointed at yourself, gawking at him for confirmation.

Bakugou clicked his tongue impatiently. "Well who else in the village has a shitty name like (Y/N)?!" Crap! "I-I mean- You're the only one named (Y/N).... Your name isn't shitty...." He looked down in guilt, and then lifted his eyes back up expectantly. "So.... What's your answer?" His face was turning as red as his eyes.

Little streams started pouring out of your confused eyes. Your prince, the one who you've been in love with, just told you he loved you. This has to be a dream. But if it's a dream please don't let you wake up. "B-But..... That's impossible... I'm just.... These white roses, you must have prepared them for someone special! Because that flower means- I'm-"

"These are your favorite flowers right? I prepared them for you!" Bakugou gently took your hand in his. He searched in your teary eyes trying to look for the answer he needed. "Is it not?"

"F-...For me?"

That's when you realized, there's no way Bakugou would have known the meaning of these flowers. The dragon tribe don't give meanings to flowers like the people of the south do. They just picked whatever was the most colorful and vibrant. A light chuckle escaped your lips, for you felt so silly for forgetting such a thing.

Now it all made sense. The white rose he brought to the flower exchange, and why he suddenly ran off. But you still couldn't believe it. "It is...." You nodded softly to answer his previous question.

"Why do you...like the white rose?" Bakugou asked.

You covered your tearful eyes with your free hand. Your breaths became staggered as you started to sob, "Because....I'm in love with a man." Bakugou felt his heart stop at your words. "He's the bravest, strongest, most handsome man in the tribe. He's of royal descent..... He's someone I shouldn't even dream of being with...." Huh? Brave... Strong... Royal descent... Why does Bakugou feel like you're talking about him? You're talking about him, right? "These flowers...have a special meaning in the south. They symbolize the words I want to tell him but would never be able to...."

Bakugou removed your hand from your beautiful (e/c) orbs. Even with tears in them, they were still so breathtakingly beautiful. His heart pounded in his chest as he leaned his face closer to yours, eyes wide and anticipating. "What do they mean?" he asked, so softly that even right next to him you could barely hear his voice.

Your eyes trailed down, almost in shame.

"I'm worthy of you."

Your voice was so soft you could barely hear yourself. The moment you uttered those words you wish you hadn't. How could you say such a thing to Bakugou? Just what exactly do you have that makes you even think you might be worthy of him? You started to chuckle nervously, not noticing the wide eyed look on the ash blonde prince's face. "S-Silly right? How could a failure like me ever be worthy of your highness... I'll just go-"

Before you could finish, Bakugou grabbed your face with both hands and smashed his lips on yours. He couldn't put words together to tell you how wrong you are, so he had to show you through action.

You are not a failure.

You stood wide eyed, too shocked to move a muscle. You and Prince Katsuki were kissing.

For the longest time the only thing you could hear was the heart of your own heartbeat. After what seemed like a hundred beats, Bakugou finally released his lips from yours. "Don't say that...." he whispered. "Don't call yourself a failure. You're more than worthy (Y/N)."

"D-Do you mean it?"

"Be my queen (Y/N)." Bakugou brushed his thumbs under your eyes, wiping away the tears. "Like my old hag is to me old man. Like Nue is to Hino. Let our souls be bonded for eternity."

Tears flooded down your face, for you could no longer contain the happiness you felt. You nodded. "I love you my prince. I also want to be with you for lifetimes to come!"

You closed your eyes as his lips captured yours once again. For that moment everything seemed to have disappeared, leaving you and Bakugou, the only two souls in this world. It was just the moon, the fire, the roses, and the two of you.

You were filled with disappointment when his lips parted from yours. However, a soft smile spread over your lips as he pressed his forehead against yours. "Let's go get our fucking blessings."

Flower Language:

Sunflower- Adoration

Hydrangea- Gratitude for being understood

Alstroemeria- friendship

White Rose- "I'm worthy of you"

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 4

Also on AO3! A kudos would be greatly appreciated!

[bkfics]

VI.

[Back to your pov]

After seeing Ryota off you go back home as a sigh leaves your mouth remembering what he mouthed towards you.

‘Okāsan, are we going to ‘pa and ‘ma.?’ Kisara asks you referring to their grandparents.

You let out another sigh as you recall your conversation on the phone with Sakusa a few days ago, saying that you were gonna take the kids to your parents in Tokyo ‘cuz they miss them.

— Flashback —

‘What can I do for you, Sakusa-san?’ You asked him.

‘San? I, hmm.. can we talk about this in person?’

‘Sure. I’m free tomorrow morning, is that okay?’

‘Well.. I’m in Tokyo right now.. I don’t know when i’ll be coming back to Osaka.. but I really need to talk to you about it.’

Not knowing what to say, you stayed silent and he did too.

‘Aish, whatever. I’m just gonna ask you now-‘ he broke the awkward silent and you could hear his anxiousness and frustration by the tone of his voice.

You started being uneasy about this phone call, but you’re not the type of person to not help people when they need some, maybe he had something important to tell you, so you cut him off.

‘Is it important?’ You asked him while he was taking deep breathes.

‘Yes.’ He says as he continues his deep breathes.

‘Look, I’m coming to Tokyo in three days, I’m taking the kids to my parents, however i’ll be staying for a day, maybe we can meet then.’

‘A-alright! That’s perfect! I’ll see you then, thank you!’ He said with a relief tone.

— End of flashback —

You’re now checking if you’ve packed everything the twins need for the next 3 weeks.

‘Okāsan, why can’t you stay with us in Tokyo?’ Kazuhiko asks while he’s pulling down the edge of your t-shirt.

‘I already took a lot of time away from work honey. If i take more time, i’ll get fired. So, promise to behave and have a lot of fun even if Okāsan isn’t there, okay?’

He nods and starts sulking as he walks off to Kisara.  

‘Are you guys ready?’ Let’s go.’ You say taking their hands and making your way to take the Shinkansen in the station.

After a few minutes the train set off, the kids are already sleeping. You start looking out the window and can’t help thinking about what Sakusa wanted to talk about.

‘Is it really that important he needs to tell me in person?’ ‘Maybe he wants to apologize properly when he broke up with me.’ ‘What if he’s getting married and wants to invite me?’ ‘I don’t really think that i’m ready to see him settle down.’ ‘Should i just call him back to tell him that i can’t meet him?’ You start murmuring without noticing that Kisara is awake and calling you.

‘Okāsan, who are you talking to?’

‘Huh? No one baby, do you need something?’ You ask her after snapping out from your thoughts.

‘I want to do sport like nii-chan.’ She tells you after getting on your lap.

‘That’s great honey, do you also want to play baske-‘

‘No..’ she cuts you off with a sad tone.

‘What’s wrong honey?’ You cup her cheeks and make her look at you.

‘I know Otōsan and nii-chan play basketball-‘

She starts looking away from you and you wait for her to finish what she wants to say.

‘I like basketball.. but then i saw that cool Ojīsan in black uniform last time.. the way he looks at the ball and smiles at it.. i want to play volleyball, Okāsan.’ She looks at you determined and her eyes start watering.

‘It’s good that you know what you want to do, did you think that i’d be against it?’

She nods.

‘No baby, i’d never force you to do something you don’t want, we’ll look for a cool volleyball club later, okay?’

She nods a lot with a big smile stamped on her face and she hugs you.

A few minutes later, you arrive in Tokyo and you find your parents at the exit of the station and the kids start running towards them.

‘MAAA, PAAA!!’ They shout as they get picked up by them.

You smile at the sight of your happy family.

‘Welcome back home, my princess.’ Your dad hugs you.

‘Dad, I can’t breathe. I-I’m not a kid anymore, please.’ You tell him as he tightens his hug.

‘But you’ll always be a kid for us.’ Your mom denies your statement as she joins your family hug.

‘Let’s go home and play before lunch, i know you’re full of energy.’ She tells the kids with a smile.

‘Actually, i have to meet someone, so go head before me, i’ll see you at home.’

‘Someone? Wait.. Is it “him”?’ Your father intuitively asks you and you nod avoiding his gaze.

‘We actually met him a few days ago, he passed by, i know you guys have a lot to talk about.’ Your mom joins the conversation.

‘What did he do there..?’ You ask puzzled about his actions.

‘He went to the tre-‘ She’s about to tell everything, but she stops herself mid sentence.

‘Nothing! He just passed to greet us. Just go, before you get late at your meeting, don’t make him wait.’ You look at her suspiciously.

Sus. F*cking sus.

After saying bye, you walk towards the taxis and get on one. You tell the driver the address of your meeting place with Sakusa. The taxi passes a few blocks and you arrive at the destination, after getting off the taxi you realize that the café in front of you is the same place where you had some dates with him. After thanking and paying the driver, you make your way inside only to find him already seated in the usual same spot waving at you.

You freeze on your feet, almost having a panic attack, but you encourage yourself not to be nervous and starts walking again towards him. ‘It’s gonna be okay.’ You assure yourself.

‘Good morning, Sakusa-san.’ You greet him with a smile and confidently as you sit.

‘Good morning too, thanks for coming.’

There’s an awkward silence that’s slowly becoming tension that could be cut with a knife.

‘So’ You start to talk to break the silence.

‘Let’s- I’m sorry, go ahead-’ He says at the same time.

‘No no, it’s fine. I also cut you off, I’m sorry.’

He starts giggling that becomes a laugh. That laugh, you never knew how you missed it and without noticing it, you’re laughing along with him.

‘Kiyoomi.’ He says after laughing and you look at him confused.

‘Call me Kiyoomi again, Y/N.’

You start feeling shy, so you just nod as you avoid his gaze.

‘Let’s order something first, okay?’ Again, you just nod at him and take the menu from the waiter.

As your orders have been taken, he starts talking to you again.

‘It’s been so long since we came to this café, do you still remember?’

‘Yeah.. how could I forget about it? This is exactly the place that you covered my face with facemasks before coming in, so that the-‘

‘The other boys wouldn’t look at your face, hahaha’ You start blushing as he laughs and looks into your eyes.

‘You also took my jacket so that-‘ he starts.

‘The girls knew you were already with someone.’ This time you’re the one that finished his sentence and your face turned red as a tomato.

‘Hmm. So, how have you been?’ He asks turning away his face so that you can’t see him blush.

‘I’ve been very busy, but I’m living a happy life. So, you actually became a pro, like as you said back then. That’s nice!’ You tell him with an honest smile.

‘Yeah.. and.. you actually became a mother..’ He says looking straight in your eyes, with a feint sadness in it, but mostly a serious stare.

‘Yeah..’

Just as he’s about to say something, the waiter comes with your orders, you both thank him and start eating. You just keep eating, not even trying to look at him and you can feel that he’s watching you while he eats his pie.

He might not have notice it at first but he’s smart enough to put 2+2 together, by your reaction he probably guessed correctly that he’s related to the twins, but he still wants to hear it from you.

After finishing your coffees, your hand starts trembling and he immediately notices it, so he puts his hand on yours.

‘Hey, it’s okay.. let’s go in a quieter place, alright? Let’s go the park near the bus stop.’

Feeling his touch again makes you really calm, so you decide in your mind ‘It’s time to tell him.’, he needs to know the truth, he can be mad or disappointed but he has the rights to know and it’ll be up to him to believe you or not. You stand up from your seat and start following him after paying the bill.

After a few minutes of walking, you’re now at the park and you both sit on a bench under a cherry blossom.

‘A-actually, I have something to tell you.’ You say without losing time.

‘Me too, but you go first.’

‘Well, it’d be rude of me. You’re the one that invited me to talk. So, you should go first.’ You tell him with a feint smile.

‘It’s a question, actually. I need you to be honest.’

You nod and look at him, you suddenly feel a little breeze.

‘Am I the twins’ father?’ He asks with no hesitation and straight to the point.

Your eyes widened after hearing him, you can’t even utter a single word. ‘How did he come up a with a question like that?’ you ask yourself.

‘Why didn’t you tell me?’

‘I.. it’s because..’ You look down on the ground and after a few seconds you finally look into his eyes.

‘You didn’t want someone to hold you back, right?’

He’s now the one that stays silent, not being able to utter a word, so you continue.

‘You’d probably think of me as crazy girlfriend if I told you back then, that I was only inventing excuses only to make you stay with me.’

‘I still deserve to know that, they’re my kids.’ He gets up and starts raising his voice a little.

‘For four years I didn’t know their existence, I could’ve been there for them! For you! But you hid them from me! How selfish of you!’

‘Selfish? Me? Who’s the one that broke up with someone just to pursue their career after promising that they’ll be together no matter what happened? It ain’t me. Also, what would’ve happen if told you then? You already decided to break up with me, but knowing about the twins, it would’ve been a responsibility for you. You’d probably just stay because of them, because you’re the father. If that had been the case, then yes. I’d be selfish as much as I want. I don’t want someone to stay because of a responsibility that they can’t take back, I wanted you to stay for me and them, but you choose your career, right? Well, since you’re living your dream, congratulations.’ You also stand up as your blood starts rushing to your head and your eyes starts watering.

‘If you don’t want to be held back, just go and pretend that you never knew about it. I raised them for four years and still can raise them even if i’m alone.’ Your make up is getting messy as your tears keep falling, but you’re serious about raising them alone if he doesn’t want anything to do with you three.

‘I would’ve stayed because I still loved you! I know it was a stupid idea, but the more I stayed with you, the more I get distracted during matches and practices. I was a jerk. I regretted it and still regret it. But! After what happened at the match, I still care about you, it was right there that I knew that I want you back! Now I want to meet and know the twins too.. so please. Can we start all over again and become a family? I know it’s gonna be hard for the kids to understand.. but.. don’t you feel anything for me?’ He tells you as he kneels down in front of you.

‘Feel anything for you? The moment I saw you after four long years, I still had butterflies in my stomach, you baka.’ You say in your head.

‘I don’t know about that yet. You can start being there for the kids, I’m not sure If they’ll see you as their father.. give me some time to think about.. us two.’ You tell him as you drag him to stand up.

‘I understand.. can I see them right now?’ He asks after wiping some tears from his eyes.

You nod and think that it’s also time for the twins to know who their real father is, you hope that they at least acknowledge that he’s their real dad.

You know you love Kiyoomi. You still love him. But not as much as before.. you try to love him more like you used to.. but there’s a feeling that it pains your heart when you try your hardest to give your entire being to him.. you’re getting confused ideas about why you can’t fully commit to it. Ahh, It’s Ryota. Yep, now you remember what he mouthed to you at the airport and what you heard him say that night. For him, you and the kids are his home.

masterpost | V. | VII.

FACTS: 

The one that inspired Kazuhiko to play basketball was Ryota. 

The night that Ryota confessed his feelings while you were sleeping, you were actually awake and you also cried. 

@rrroadkill @samwise-though @lola2001 @velociraptorenthusiast @mjade1321 @farmertoshi @kurosiee @googiembul @hohoshiumi @floralkawa @miwtze @crapimahuman @setsukobb

if your name have “—” it’s because i can’t seem to tag you. i’m sorry! :((

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 279: Here Comes the Airplane

Previously on BnHA: Gigantomachia gathered up the rest of the League and headed off to go help Tomura. Also he is now 80 feet tall. The heroes were all, “whoa this guy is really big, we should probably stop him and maybe even devote an entire chapter or two just to that,” and so they sent three whole people after him, which sadly is pretty much the exact sort of strategy I’ve come to expect from them by this point. Anyway so Mt. Lady tried to hold Machia off but kept getting flung aside, and Kamui Woods tried to catch him but was set on fire by Dabi who is just having way too good of a time setting all of the flammable heroes on fire today, and Midnight tried to put him to sleep but Compress threw a bunch of debris at her and so she fell like 80 feet. The chapter ended with Midnight being all “fuck this” and calling Momo, who ordered the rest of the child soldier squad into action as Machia approached. I’m not really sure what they’re gonna do, but I honestly don’t really care, because it’s Momo, and so, YES.

Today on BnHA: U.A.’s first-year hero students, who apparently had nine hours to prepare their battleground instead of the fifteen seconds we had all assumed, launch a complex multi-staged assault which is actually really fucking impressive because these kids are actually awesome. First they pin Machia down in one of Honenuki’s mud pits, and then they take turns making impassioned attempts to take out the other League members chilling out on Machia’s back. Unfortunately none of these attempts work because of Dabi, who’s working overtime while the rest of the League sits around shooting down each other’s escape plans. Basically a lot of stuff gets set on fire, and then the chapter ends with Mt. Lady pinning Machia to the ground while MINA, YES, MINA, charges at him covered in acid like some sort of video game boss that you need some kind of specific item to defeat. DID YOU KNOW YESTERDAY WAS MINA’S BIRTHDAY YOU GUYS. Anyway so this chapter is basically pandemonium from start to finish, and it’s great. It is a RUMPUS, y'all. A STRAIGHT UP HULLABALOO.

IS IT MOMO LOVIN’ HOURS I THINK IT IS, YOU GUYS. ARE YOU EXCITED. I AM EXCITED

but first, the color page we were promised, in celebration of Six Whole Years Of This Bullshit!!

oh god oh god so much to love so little time

some of the rowdier characters are making MULTIPLE APPEARANCES IN THIS SHITSHOW, including Kaminari who appears to be in a record-setting THREE of these! who exactly was taking all of these pictures, and why are they so obsessed with him. also how many of these are going to be used as evidence in the latest Kami Traitor Theory posts and is it too early for me to get mad about it

“WE INVITED ENDEAVOR AND HAWKS TO OUR ‘BEING FANCY ON THE COLOR PAGE’ PARTY, EVEN THOUGH THEY’RE NOT U.A. STUDENTS OR FACULTY. WE JUST FELT LIKE IT.” listen that is fine, y’all don’t have to explain yourselves to me

Mirko however is not here, I assume because if she was, Horikoshi would have forgotten to draw all the rest of the characters again. she’s too powerful

Midnight is so sexy I don’t even ksdfnkl

ALL MIGHT LOOKING HAPPY GIVES ME THE STRENGTH I NEED TO MAKE IT THROUGH THE REST OF THIS WEEK. YOUR SMILE IS THE MVP

Cementoss’s face is the runner-up MVP and one of the greatest things I’ve seen in my life

half the people here seem to be attempting to flirt with whoever is taking the pictures. I am starting to suspect that the culprit is Momo. change my mind

for some reason I am really shocked to see Endeavor getting his drink on. and he’s literally the only one, too

Bakugou’s half-assed I SAID NO PAPARAZZI skills are no match for Tamaki’s legendary “I WILL LITERALLY DIE IF YOU CAPTURE ME ON FILM” abilities

I literally didn’t notice Deku until like three quarters of the page in. he sure does blend right in there

Tokoyami is approximately 97.3% done and ticking EVER CLOSER to full 100% doneness, and when that happens even I can’t tell you what is going to go down

do I even need to mention how sexy Aizawa’s hair is. apparently I do

SERIOUSLY THOUGH CEMENTOSS’S FACE

anyway, so that was nice! NOW ON TO THE MOMOLOVIN’

and we begin with FIRST YEAR CLASS B HONENUKI “MUDMAN” JUZOU just LAYIN’ SOME TRAPS IN THE WOODS, as one does

oh my freaking god Tokage

somehow her quirk didn’t freak me out quite this much the last time we saw her. she is really something. has she always had shark teeth

also WHERE IS MONOMA’S GROUP. I immediately want to know!! is he with the Shouto group? or is there yet ANOTHER student group we don’t know about? what would they even be doing

or did Horikoshi actually get three quarters of the way through writing this arc and then suddenly slap his forehead as he realized that if Monoma just casually copied Machia’s powers he would either DIE IMMEDIATELY or else become SUPER STRONG and also grow 80 feet tall and this would suddenly be a very different battle with the scales tipping decidedly in the heroes’ favor. and so he had to quickly write him out of the battle in this very half-assed way

anyway, so while I ponder that, Tokage is peeking the top of her head out over the trees and staring at Machia who is, you guessed it, still heading right their way! just like he’s been doing pretty much this entire time

and now there’s a whole page of reaction panels you guys. this is why Horikoshi tries to avoid these massive Endgame-style battles with every single hero known to man participating. hopefully we won’t have too many of these. like I mean thank you for the roll call and all but I’d like to get to the action now

Mineta of all people is stealing this entire page with that expression though. he is not fucking around. this is twice in as many chapters that he’s been a page-stealing face-making champ. dare I hope this could be the start of a new niche for him? lord knows it would be so much better than the old niche

also this page is just sweatdrops galore. these kids are so nervous. MANGA GODS PLEASE KEEP THEM SAFE, although I’m honestly not too worried about them compared to the adults. I’m sure I should be, but I just am not

all right so now Momo is explaining what those little canisters are!

okay but someone please explain to me how it is that they had time to stop and lay all of these traps?? not just Honenuki’s, but Mineta’s and what looks like some of Shiozaki’s work as well?? did Machia just STOP MOVING for like five whole minutes all of a sudden for no reason at all? while they were all sitting out here saying things like “with that speed...”? ????? ????????

also lol wtf. “we’re gonna have to make him eat it.” I still have no idea what their plan is, but it’s getting more entertaining by the minute I’ll say that much

okay so Momo says that if they can get him to swallow just one of these, then that should be enough to put him to sleep. oh my god this chapter is going to be AMAZING isn’t it

meanwhile Mineta is worrying about Midnight. I swear to god if they turn this into something where he’s only worried because she’s hot, I will take one of these canisters and shove it right up his...

okay good, Mina’s reassuring him that it’s gonna be okay, and then we’re just cutting to Machia stampeding in with Mt. Lady and Kamui still clinging to him

WHAT THE HELL ARE THESE GUYS EVEN DOING

“we’ll just stand here adjacent to him and just kind of watch as he rushes straight at the children.” someone help me, I’m having difficulty finding a synonym for “useless” that carries the full amount of emphasis I want to place on it right now. this requires a degree of language the human race is not yet capable of

OH SNAP

THEY GOT HIM YEAHHHHH

OH DANG, FOR REAL THOUGH!!

ngl, for a brief spiteful moment I was disappointed he hadn’t actually fallen on them :/

and they’re still JUST STANDING THERE, I CAN'T EVEN?? we’re getting to the point where I honestly think actual civilians might have been of more use in this situation

YESSSSS

TIME TO FIND OUT HOW MANY TENTH GRADERS GIGANTOMACHIA CAN TAKE IN A FIGHT

also, sorry to keep harping on this, but the juxtaposition of that earlier panel with all of the fully grown and experienced pros just standing in dumb awe, immediately followed by this panel of BRAVE BUT DETERMINED CHILDREN CHARGING IN AND YELLING “GO GO GO”, is just... it really is something. shit. if I was the HPSC and this was what I had to work with, I too might have seriously considered fudging a few age requirements in hopes of finding someone who could actually get the fucking job done

also what the hell is going on down there with Shishida and Satou and that third person? what are those Blackwhip-looking things?? I’m confused

ohhhhh no

Shiozaki is about to be sent flying through the air courtesy of her own hair vines omg

OH NO WAIT THE THREE TOUGH GUYS ARE STOPPING HIM. AHHH THE LAST ONE WAS KENDOU AHHHH

I still can’t figure out what the hell those are though lol. did Momo make some steel cables?? I feel like Machia would be able to break just about any kind of rope or chain they could concoct just by sheer brute strength alone

ah fuck

DON’T YOU GUYS GO RUINING THIS FOR ME!! THEY’VE GOT A GOOD THING GOING HERE, LET THEM HAVE THEIR FUN!!

although I do appreciate how they’re all “U.A.!!” in kind of this “oh shit, these guys we actually have to worry about” sort of tone lol

this look on Toga’s face is a bit concerning! well but Deku and Ochako aren’t here though, so I wonder who she’s gonna fight if it comes to that. huh

(ETA: seriously, does anyone have any idea what Toga is planning cuz I sure don’t.)

Shouji and Ojiro, who I might remind you are normal people with no enhanced physical abilities aside from extra appendages, appear to have somehow circled all the way around to Machia’s back and are now climbing up oh shit

oh and Aoyama’s there too! -- is Shouji carrying him omg

he’s using him as a human ray gun omggg. this is the most delightful thing I’ve ever witnessed

NOW SOMETHING IS BEING SHOT AT THE LEAGUE AND DABI’S STARING AT IT ALL “>:(” AND I’M PRETTY SURE THIS THING, WHATEVER IT IS, IS ABOUT TO BE SET ON FIRE, LET’S SEE

lds;afksjdl;fkj WERE THOSE JIROU’S EARJACKS??!!

okay you know what fuck you Dabi. you think it’s funny to set a little girl’s ears on fire?! don’t expect any sympathy from me when Aoyama lasers you in the face

WELL I DON’T KNOW WHAT’S HAPPENING BUT THEY’RE SHOOTING WHAT LOOK LIKE A BUNCH OF LITTLE TAMBOURINES AT HIM NOW

I ASSUME THEY ARE NOT ACTUALLY TAMBOURINES, BUT I REALLY DON’T KNOW, IT’S NOT LIKE THEY HANDED OUT THE RULE BOOK TO THIS THING AHEAD OF TIME

[HUGE EXAGGERATED GASPING SOUNDS]

oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my

OH MY GOD AND YANAGI THREW THEM WITH HER POLTERGEIST QUIRK!??

I DON’T KNOW WHAT THIS “ACK?!!” IS AND IT’S REALLY BUMMING ME OUT, BECAUSE THIS CAME WITHIN INCHES OF BEING THE COOLEST FUCKING COMBINATION I’VE EVER SEEN IN MY ENTIRE LIFE!?!?

(ETA: it would have laid them all flat in seconds. Kaminari is to be feared you guys.)

NO!!!!!

it is sincerely frustrating to me watching the League carelessly toss aside all of their painstakingly accumulated goodwill from the MVA arc in the span of just a few short pages. hey Compress, you think it’s cool to hurl a bunch of rocks at my six-and-a-half-year-old son?? I hope someone rips that cool robot arm off and uses it to punch you in the dick

here comes Sero!! and how are you going to die, Sero

what in the

did he just... sneeze them all into space

okay but hear me out, what if Shouda absorbed that impact. SHOUDA YOUR TIME HAS FINALLY COME. CLASS 1-B’S ASCENT TO GLORY

(ETA: watch this space!! Shouda is here for a reason mark my words.)

meanwhile on Machia’s back, Dabi is soliloquying about Machia’s quirk while his arm is doing... something

please forgive me for not being able to drum up any sympathy for poor Dabi’s arms right about now. quit trying to set all my kids on fire

wait whaaaaat lol

so I scrolled back up to the previous page, and... that was fire?? lord help me why am I still so terrible at being able to tell when Horikoshi is drawing fire as opposed to just air randomly whooshing through trees. I have really got to memorize that foossh sound effect

so can Gigantomachia just BREATHE FIRE now?? or was ALL OF THAT Dabi??? if it was the latter then at least he had the decency to wait until all of the kids got blown out of range before setting the whole forest aflame to keep them back. I’ll admit it, that was thoughtful of him as far as villain power moves go

OHO BUT YOU CAN’T COUNT MOMO OUT JUST LIKE THAT!!

AND NOW EVERYTHING AROUND THEM IS EXPLODING AHHHHHH DID YOU GUYS SET LANDMINES, BAKUGOU WOULD BE SO PROUD

once again I have to ask myself exactly how much prep time they had here. Horikoshi would have you think it was mere seconds, but that clearly cannot be the case?? maybe they set some of these up beforehand to catch any stray villains trying to flee the area?

lmao Spinner’s all “wait why doesn’t he just dig his way out”, because apparently Machia can tunnel himself under the ground. but Compress is all “um because we would die” and Spinner is all “oh right”

though I gotta say, it’s not like they’re that much better off as things are now, either. pinned down in the woods surrounded by fire and explosives. definitely a conundrum

oh snap Compress has realized that their presence is holding Machia back. don’t tell me Machia is gonna head off on his own and leave the rest of the League to square off with the kids

YOOOOOO HOLY SHIT THE HEROES ACTUALLY DID SOMETHING

there you go, League! free cannon fodder to get you all pumped and confident again!

DKFJLSDKJ

PLEASE LET THIS BE THE ACTUAL TRANSLATION OH MY GOD. THIS IS MY NEW FAVORITE LINE IN ANYTHING AHHHH

“I’m leaving it to you, U.A.’s youngsters!” yeah, you and everyone else. ah well, can’t deny they get the job done

OH MMKJKYYYY GODDDDDDJJK

MINA COATED HERSELF IN ACID AND IS RUNNING AT GIGANTOMACHIA AND IS SHE ALSO ON FIRE??!?! SHE’S JUST RUNNING AT HIM LIKE A BIG OL’ FIERY BLOB???! QUEEN MINA???!! FIRE IS NOT HER WEAKNESS???! MINA??!! IS AIRPLANE?!??!!?!? MINAAAAAAA

holy fucking shit this whole arc is just one big Arc Of Ladies Getting To Do Stuff and I am 1000% living for it. THIS ARC IS MY FAMILY. I WOULD DIE FOR IT AND LEAVE EVERYTHING TO IT IN MY WILL. ahhhhhhhhhh

[peppermint2d]

F#$%ing uh Calm After the Storm cuz the Storm Thing

guys this is 10k words already ripppp

chapter 1, chapter 2

Chapter 3

The emergency lantern was still on, dimly illuminating the room. That's when you spotted the alcohol from last night or perhaps lack thereof. The bottle was completely empty. Luckily it was not that large or both of you would have died from alcohol poisoning. (Drink responsibly!) The terrible hangover symptoms make a lot more sense now, normally you barely suffer from a night out.

You snuggle into the bed as much as your constraints would allow, the warmth and comfort easing your headache. As you move, you feel something crumble on your neck. You use your burnt arm to lightly touch what it was, only to find it to be dried snot. Ew. You were going to need a shower later. 2D lightly snores his head by your shoulder like how it was last night, not that you remembered. A trail of dried snot fell from his nose, and the thought that he sobbed on you tore you up. At least he looked at peace while he slept. With the soft light from the lamp, his eyebags were barely visible. His worry lines disappeared completely. His big, lost eyes were closed. He looked innocent and untroubled, how you imagined him to be were it not for Murdoc. You appreciated the rest of his face too. His button nose twitched while he slept. The clean line of his jaw. His thick eyebrows, surprisingly, do not make him look angry but adorable. It was about time that you admitted, to yourself at least, that you found all of him adorable, not just his eyebrows. His smile, his clumsy movements, his accent, his habit of being so attentive, it was all adorable. You liked adorable. You liked drawing adorable, you liked watching movies with adorable, you liked holding hands with adorable, you liked getting drunk with adorable. Hell, you even liked having hangovers with adorable, so long as you got to wake up captured in adorable's embrace.

Adorable, adorable, adorable.

His whimpers and flinching snapped you out of your trance. He frowned, "No...no..." he whispered, sounding in pain. "Lemme out! I'm in 'ere!" He started to shout and thrash around, messing up the covers, and even hitting you a couple times (only slightly less adorable than normal). None of which helped your hangover.

"2D, wake up. You're having a nightmare." You gently pushed him. That did nothing to change his behaviour. "D!" you said more forcefully. He calms down and then opens his eyes.

He sits up and rubs his eyes. "What's, What's goin on?"

"You were having a nightmare. How are you doing?" It was awkward. You didn't know if he was aware of how you two were sleeping before his nightmare. Would touching him be inappropriate right now? You refrained from doing so.

"From one nightmare to anofer, this 'angover will be the deaf of me." he grumbled.

"At least only one is real." You stand and go over to where he took out the ibuprofen yesterday. You open the drawer and find it filled to the bring with drugs. Thankfully, most of the bottles were empty, but 2D had enough pills here to turn quite a profit. Most had unpronounceable names and were completely foreign to you. Why does he have so many painkillers?

"Bof were real for me. I was relivin me coma." He said nonchalantly. He saw you shuffling through his pills. "Jus bring the lot of 'em ofer, I take make me mornin mix."

You grabbed as many as you could and brought them over. You wanted to ask about his experience, but if it bad enough to give him nightmares, then perhaps it's best left alone. "I guess it was a good thing I woke you up then?"

"It's always good to wake up to yew." He dumped around six pills into his hand and dry swallowed them like a professional. You were concerned about his drug habits and confused by his forwardness.

"Yeah, thanks for letting me crash here."

2D's grin slightly fell as he looked at you. He reached out and touched your neck with his finger, brushing away some of the dried goop on there. "Sorry for cryin on yew last night."

You lightly chuckled and you could still feel his ghosting over your skin. "I thought that might have been you."

"Yew don remember what 'appened?" He pulled his hand away.

"Should I?" Did something important happen last night? You worried that you were forgetting a pivotal moment.

"No, it's fine. I'll take yew to the showers to wash up." He got up and stretched, the shirt rising to expose his stomach, causing you to flush and turn away. You hoped you would remember if you made any advancements in that department. He leaves his outfit from last night on the floor, adding to the piles of clothes already there, as he walks to his closet. "Do yew need somefin to wear after your shower?"

You flush even deeper. You had forgotten about that. "Yes, please. Sorry."

"Don apologize! I 'ave enough for the bof of us." He pulled out a white tee and some loose black shorts. "These are the cleanest clothes I 'ave. I'll throw yours in the wash."

You grab them from him. "Thanks, D."

He leads you to the showers. "I'll be waitin in the kitchen for yew. See if I can grab us some breakfast."

You thank him and step inside. You set the clothes down and lock the door, stripping down now that Murdoc won't accidentally enter. 2D insisted that Murdoc doesn't even shower in the first place, but you still felt apprehensive. You nearly screamed when you turned on the water and it was ice cold. You fiddle with the knobs a bit. Burning hot, freezing cold. You start to understand Murdoc's position better. You finally managed to get it slightly not cold and reached for the soaps, finding 2D's cedarwood and vanilla scent.

It was so intimate. You felt like you were violating his privacy like you were borrowing a piece of his identity, his scent, at least until it wears off. You were secretly thrilled by it, smelling like him. Would he care? Would he notice? Would others notice? And, as Russel had before, suggest something that you desperately wanted? The smell washed over you like it did the first night you were with him. Only two days ago, you wanted nothing more than the interview to be over, to be finished. But now, you had made a great friend, and, you selfishly hope, something more.

After you finished rubbing your neck raw, you step out and put on the clothes 2D gave you. You took off the bandage he wrapped, and the edges of the burn had started to scar. He forgot a towel, so you were soaking wet. You left a trail of droplets as you navigated the halls you have memorized by now.

You were shivering by the time you reached the kitchen, your soaked through clothes doing little to help with the heat. 2D saw you enter and turned slightly red at the sight of you in his clothes. He wouldn't tell you, but it was the first time since Paula that someone else was wearing his clothes. He then noticed that you were shivering. "Yew cold again? Russ managed to get the stove on wifout anyone burnin so I'll bring you a cuppa."

"When you and 2D disappeared halfway through yesterday, Noodle got worried and thought y'all were kidnapped. She'll be glad to see that I was right about what really happened to you." Russel said, sitting on the couch, smirking again.

You blush furiously, getting his implication, and join him on the couch. "Russel! We didn't do anything!" You say in hushed tones, hoping 2D in the other room doesn't pick up on anything.

"Who said I said about you to doing anything?" He raised his eyebrow and grinned. Checkmate. You groaned and shield your blushing face from Russel, causing him to chuckle. "You know, I haven't seen 2D this open since-" He stopped himself.

"Paula?"

He nodded. "I'm surprised he told you about that. Look, you two are very close, hell you're wearing one of his favourite shirts and you smell like him. You seem to bring out a new version of 2D, he isn't even that worried about Murdoc anymore. I like this 2D. But, I gotta warn ya, other people may not. A broken person is easier to control than a happy one." Russel looked at you knowingly. "That being said, if you make him broken again. I will break you. Understood?"

You nod vigorously. "Crystal clear!"

"What are yew talkin about?" 2D comes over with a tray of food and two steaming mugs.

"Weather!" You blurt out as Russel says "Politics!"

2D looked confused as he set the food down. "Right. I brought us some oatmeal and I 'ope yew like peppermint tea."

"What? Come on, why does she get some, but when I want to use just one teabag, you smack it outta my hands!" Russel complained, throwing his hands into the air.

"It was the last one in the box!"

"You and I both know that you keep three boxes in Kong" he grumbled.

"Some pretty special tea then?" You ask.

"I drink it whenefer I need a pick-me-up!"

"Explains why you drink it so much," Russel said.

"To fink I was gonna give yew a cup too!" 2D feigns hurt as Russel vehemently apologizes. 2D eventually concedes and leaves to make a cup.

"See," Russel turns back to you, "two weeks ago he slapped me. Now, I get the tea. Not much has changed here other than you."

You blush. "I really didn't think I was doing anything."

"You help remind him of the outside world. That is doesn't always have to be how it is in Kong. This place can really suck the life out of you. You should stay in contact, even after you leave."

"Are you doing okay, Russel?"

He avoided your gaze. "Not really. But it helps to have a new face here. Somethin to shake things up a little."

You saw 2D approaching again. "Well, then I hope his tea is as good as he promises."

"What are yew talkin about dis time?" 2D said again, as if on repeat.

"Politics." you say as Russel goes "Weather." You look at each other and start laughing.

"We really need to get that down." You insist. 2D sets down Russel's matching mug and sits by you. "Always loved tea. It reminds me of Austen's writing."

"Friendship is certainly the finest balm for the pangs of disappointed love." 2D recites in a posh accent. You all chuckle at his poor imitation of it.

"I didn't know you could read!" Russel jests.

The conversation then shifts towards literature and you learned how well-read your companions are. It goes unspoken that 2D remembered the quote because of Paula's disappointed love.

The impromptu book club breaks up when Noodle and then Murdoc enter the kitchen. Noodle grabs a box of cereal and starts eating from it. "Ohayo!"

"Good morning!" You call back. Russel and 2D both look surprised. "You're telling me that you've been living with someone who exclusively speaks Japanese and you haven't tried to learn any?"

They both grumble. "We... make do." Russel finally manages.

"Hello, pet." Murdoc gently whispers, suddenly appearing by your ear, causing you to yelp. His presence scared off 2D who went to the kitchen to refill the tea. He breathes in. "You smell like the Face Ache." He growled. "I know what you're trying to do. You can't take my singer away from me."

He then stepped away from you and walked to the windows, saying loudly: "Would you look at that, the storm's slowing down."

You got his hint. "Right. Then I best pack my things."

2D looked crestfallen. "What? Yew's leavin already?"

"Yeah, sorry D, but I think I may have overstayed my welcome."

"I'll 'elp yew pack up then." He sighed and led you to where your clothes were.

It was a rather anticlimactic packing up. You kept trying to drop hints ("Your bed was so comfy, I'd love to sleep over again." "Your hair was so soft last night, I'm sure I dreamt it up") which he kept avoiding ("Yeah, it's a nice bed, innit." "Nah, it's normally pretty soft."), so you decided to stop altogether.

When you reached the front door, the rest of the band was waiting. Noodle acted first, giving you a hug "Sayonara!" You wished her farewell in return.

Russel was next and gave you a bear hug. "Don't forget our agreement." He whispered into your ear. "Wouldn't dream of it." You whisper back.

You hold out your hand for Murdoc to shake, but he just scoffs, so you move on to 2D.

"I'm going to miss you."

"I'll miss yew more, love!" He gave you a tight squeeze. You two were slow to pull away, but when you did, you caught sight of tears in his eyes that matched your own. He hands you something. "'ere's me number so yew can call."

"This won't be the last you hear from me, D." And with that, you got back into your rusty company car and left Kong Studios, but couldn't leave behind the thought of a blue-haired singer.

[lowkeyjustvibing]

Fic time again

Pairing: Truce poly + Reaper and Epic

Prompt: Just some chaos

Also! We have:

Enby Nightmare, Reaper, and Horror

Neopronoun Error (string,strings,stringself)

aro/ace Ink and ace Reaper

Also human versions ‘cuz    y e s

*CRASH*

“YOU BETTER NOT HAVE BROKEN ONE OF MY VASES INK!”

“You’re legit dead, bruh.”

“Shut up and run before they see us!”

Nightmare stormed down the hall, their tentacles thrashing wildly and just barely avoiding breaking some things themselves. Things like this (Which were once a rarity) had become quite common ever since the truce and the events that occurred as a result. In short, after peace was finally brought to the multiverse, both the Star Sanses and the Bad Sanses both realized just how dull life was without the other group present in their lives. 

The solution? Get everyone to live in the same house.

And since Nightmare was the only one in possession of a building big enough for all of them to live in, the Star Sanses just moved in. It was difficult to get used to the sudden change in living arrangements. Fights would break out on a daily basis over small things and it would be up to someone else to keep the peace. However, once they all managed to get used to each other, things went a lot smoother.

Or rather, smoother than before.

Nightmare finally reached the living room, sighing as they saw the shards of porcelain covering the floor.

“And this was one of my favorites too.” They muttered, picking up the shards.

Thankfully, one of the nice things about being covered in sentient sludge is that it works as great glue. In a few seconds, the vase looked back to normal (If you ignored the subtle cracks covering it).

“Now where’s that clumsy squid?” They mused, scanning the room.

At that moment Dust walked in, probably having heard all the commotion as well and coming to see what happened. When he saw Nightmare, he gave a small wave before flopping onto the couch and curling up under the blankets.

“Hey!”

Nightmare jumped and Dust practically flew off the couch, immediately grabbing the pocket knife he carried, manifesting a few blasters, and pointing them at the now wriggling blankets.

Nightmare just sighed, signaling Dust to calm down, “Ink, come out from under the blankets.”

After a few minutes of silence, the artist was heard quietly cursing before sheepishly poking his head out from under the blankets, “Um, hey Nightmare?”

Suddenly, another person emerged from the blanket as well, “It’s his fault, bruh!”

Nightmare just sighed again, pinching their eyebrows, “What have I told you about roughhousing outside of the gym and your own rooms?”

“Not to...” Epic and Ink responded simultaneously, both staring at the floor.

Dust just snickered, de-summoning the blaster and putting away his knife, “What is this, the seventh time you guys have broken something just this week?”

Ink stuck his tongue out at the other, getting rewarded with a similar action. 

“That doesn’t matter,” Nightmare said, “Ink, Epic, you two are doing extra chores this week.”

“What?!” Epic cried, “I didn’t even do anything, bruh!”

“Yes, because Ink decided to break the vase with no prompting.”

Epic just huffed and folded his arms, grumbling something unintelligible. Ink looked equally annoyed but seemed to accept what Nightmare said. 

“Oh yeah, Nightmare.” Dust suddenly piped up, “I think Error wanted you. Heard string say something about Reaper harassing strings.”

“Not again...” Nightmare muttered, walking off and leaving the other three to do their own thing.

On the way to where they believed Error was, Nightmare passed Dream’s room where he was helping Horror read a story Killer had gotten them for their birthday. It had taken a while for Horror to be comfortable asking anyone to help them read. They felt embarrassed that they couldn’t read on their own due to not only being slightly dyslexic, but also having poor vision. It always Nightmare happy to see somebody helping them. After a few moments, Dream looked up and saw Nightmare. He waved, smiling brightly and Horror glanced up, waving as well. Nightmare returned the gesture before continuing down the hall, they had a job to do.

“HI NIGHTMARE!”

Nightmare jumped, their tentacles instinctively sharpening and pointing towards whoever scared them.

“OH!” Blue cried before lowering his voice, “Sorry, I forget how loud I can be sometimes.”

After recovering from the shock Nightmare smiled, ruffling Blue’s hair, “It’s fine, you just surprised me.”

Blue beamed, giving them a hug, “OK!”

They returned the hug, giving the shorter and giving him a peck on the cheek before letting go, “Forgive me for my abruptness, but I have something to take care of at the moment. See you again later.”

And with that, they left a very flustered Blue standing in the middle of the hallway. Now, to finally find Error. They thought, a determined glint in their eyes. No more distractions.

“Sup Boss.”

Nightmare just barely suppressed a groan, “Damn it.”

Killer scoffed, “Well, I didn’t realize how little you liked my presence.” 

“You know I didn’t mean that.” Nightmare responded, continuing down the hall with Killer now practically skipping along behind them.

“Then what’s got ya’ so riled up?” Killer asked.

“I’m trying to find Error but I keep getting distracted by people.”

“Why ‘re ya’ trying to find strings?”

“Dust said something about Reaper harassing strings and I want to make sure Error doesn’t kill them.”

At that, Killer instantly tensed up, though he quickly hid his reaction, “Oh, you got any idea where string is?”

“Unfortunately, no.”

Killer didn’t respond, only speeding up and quickly overtaking Nightmare. In turn, Nightmare began speeding up as well to keep up with him. They expected Killer to become worried once he found out Error was even mildly inconvenienced. Dust and Horror were also very protective of the glitch. They all saw strings as a parental figure of sorts (Along with Nightmare). 

“Calm down Killer.” Nightmare said, reaching out and grabbing his shoulder.

Killer flinched and seemed to calm down a bit but he still radiated worry and anger, “Sorry, I’m just worried about strings.”

“I am too but you just need to calm down.” They responded, “It’ll be OK.”

Killer grumbled something but agreed following right alongside Nightmare.

“I wonder where-” Nightmare was cut off by a glitched out shout of frustration followed by a surprised yelp, “Found them.”

Killer broke into a run and Nightmare just walked along after him.

“Killer! Get away before I touch you!” Reaper cried, instantly stumbling backwards upon seeing the other.

Killer just scoffed in response and turned to Error who was still glitching slightly. It was obvious string was just frustrated with the pesky god, passive aggressively turning away from them.

Reaper finally steadied, brushing themselves off, “Well, that was an unexpected turn of events.” after regaining their composure, they turned to Error and did a dramatic bow, “Forgive me for my insolence my sweet cherry blossom.”

Error ignored strings blush and the fact that parts of strings were pixelating in and out of existence, “ץєคђ ฬђคՇєשєг, ןยรՇ ๒คςк ๏ŦŦ ๒єŦ๏гє เ ๔๏ ร๏๓єՇђเภﻮ ฬє ๒๏Շђ гєﻮгєՇ.”

Reaper took that as a win and grinned, spinning on their heel and walking down the hall, “I look forward to our next encounter beautiful~!”

“Sƚυριԃ ϝʅιɾƚყ Ⴆαʂƚαɾԃ.” Error muttered, though string wouldn’t deny the smile that tugged at the corners of strings mouth.

“You OK Error?” Killer asked, careful not to be too close without permission.

String nodded, “Yҽαԋ, αʅʅ Շђєץ ԃιԃ ɯαʂ ριʂʂ ɱҽ σϝϝ. Nσƚԋιɳɠ Ⴆιɠ.”

“They’re lucky I can’t touch them or else they’d be in danger right about now.” Was all he said, scowling at the floor.

Nightmare finally stepped forward, having just been watching the interaction, “Well, I’m glad nothing too bad happened.”

“Eαʂყ ϝσɾ ყσυ ƚσ ʂαყ σƈƚσρυʂ.” String responded.

Nightmare rolled their eyes, “My goodness, I thought we were over the whole octopus ordeal.”

“Never will be goop lord!” Killer said, instantly going from brooding to playful.

They sighed in disappointment before picking Killer up with a tentacle and motioning for Error to follow, “Anyways, it’s movie night.”

“Is it my turn?!” Killer asked, swinging his legs though being careful not to kick Nightmare.

“No, Cross.” 

Killer groaned loudly, “Oh come ON! You know full well he and Epic are gonna’ make us watch the Bee Movie again.”

Nightmare just shrugged, “I don’t make the rules.”

“YES YOU DO!”

“Irrelevant.” 

Error snickered quietly at their debate, “ʏօʊ ȶաօ ʄɨɢɦȶ ʟɨӄɛ ǟռ օʟɖ ʍǟʀʀɨɛɖ ƈօʊքʟɛ.”

“Bold of you to assume we aren’t.” Killer retorted.

“I’m pretty sure we all are.”

“Whatever.”

They walked in silence for a moment before Nightmare turned and rapped loudly on a nearby door, “Epic, Cross, stop making out and come to the living room. It’s movie night.”

After a few moments of frantic shuffling from inside the room, Cross opened the door, looking quite disheveled, “H-hey Nightmare, we’ll be out in a minute.”

Somewhere inside the dimly lit bedroom a frantic voice whispered, “Close the damn door, bruh!”

Killer burst out laughing, Error barely kept stringself from glitching out from laughter, and Nightmare chuckled before closing the door in Cross’s flushed face. 

“Oh they are NEVER living this down!” Killer wheezed and barely managed to pat the tentacle holding him, “H-here, just put me d-down, I need to go tell the other two.” he wheezed out.

Nightmare set him down and after a few moments of trying to catch his breath, he was off, jogging down the halls and calling for Horror and Dust. After he was out of sight, Nightmare turned to Error.

“So,” They started, “Are you SURE you’re OK?”

Error looked at them in confusion for a moment before nodding, “Yҽαԋ, ʝυʂƚ ɠσƚ ƈαυɠԋƚ σϝϝ Ⴆყ Rҽαρҽɾ. I'ɱ ϝιɳҽ ɳσɯ.”

“Alright,” Nightmare responded, giving strings a soft kiss on the forehead, “but if they ever make you uncomfortable just tell them to back off. They’re a clingy flirt but they know to respect boundaries.”

String was now a blushing mess and Nightmare reveled in that fact, deciding to fluster strings more. 

“I hope you know I love you.” They mumbled, moving closer to Error (Who thankfully didn’t move back)

String was glitching hard, not from how close the other was, but from how flustered strings was.

Nightmare decided to continue, embracing strings in a loose hug, “You’re so wonderful, I could never live without you.”

“₦-₦ł₲Ⱨ₮₥₳ⱤɆ...” Error responded and upon hearing how bad string was glitching, Nightmare backed off slightly.

After a few moments, string pulled them back into another hug, burying strings head into their shoulder. Nightmare was caught off guard but smiled and proceeded to hum quietly while holding the other. They occasionally gave more compliments just to see Error get flustered again while they both stood there in the empty hallway. After some time, Nightmare found themself wanting to make the other all the more flustered, just to see what would happen. They lifted a hand to strings cheek and moved strings so that they were face to face. The only warning Error got was a mischievous look in Nightmare’s eyes before their lips met. It was brief, nothing too long so as to not cause Error to crash, but Nightmare savored the brief moment.

After a few minutes of stunned silence, Error’s cheeks began to burn. String glitched sharply, trying not to crash as Nightmare began to regret the impulsive decision.

“Are you O-” Nightmare started but was stopped as Error, in a similar moment of impulsivity, kissed them again.

Now it was Nightmare’s turn to be caught off guard but they weren’t about to waste this. They kissed back and absentmindedly began fiddling with strings hair. 

That was until they heard the sound of a phone camera clicking and snickering from a bit down the hall. They both instantly looked over and saw Cross and Epic snickering as Epic pointed his phone at them. The effect was instantaneous. Error crashed, scratchy dial up noise filling the hall and Nightmare’s tentacles sharpened and pointed towards the other two as their cheeks turned bright red.

“Go.” Was all they said and Cross instantly grabbed Epic and sprinted down the hall, cursing as he ran.

Nightmare uttered a few curses themself and turned back to Error who was still rebooting. It took a minute but string eventually finished, blinking a few times to clear the lingering pixels and error signs.

“₮ⱧØ₴Ɇ Ⱡł₮₮ⱠɆ ₳**ⱧØⱠɆ₴!” String cried, the glitches returning for a moment before calming down.

“Calm down Error.” Nightmare said, barely retaining their own composure, “It’s not like they can even do much with that picture anyways.”

String muttered something incomprehensible before just groaning and resting strings head on Nightmares shoulder, “ƈǟռ ʏօʊ ǟȶ ʟɛǟֆȶ ƈǟʀʀʏ ʍɛ? ɨ'ʍ ȶɨʀɛɖ ռօա.”

“Of course.” They responded, doing something similar to what they did with Killer and carrying strings in their tentacles.

They had discovered that while physical contact still caused strings to glitch occasionally, somehow their tentacles didn’t seem to trigger it. So, of course, whenever Error crashed and was too tired to walk much, they would always carry strings in his tentacles. As they walked, Error sighed contentedly and buried strings head in the mass of pure negativity. Nightmare couldn’t help feeling proud that they found a way to practically smother Error while not hurting strings, something very few could accomplish. They eventually got to the theatre room where everyone was either chatting amongst themselves or engaged in the giant pillow fight occurring in the middle of the room.

“Are we watching a movie or...?” Nightmare said, their voice seeming to magically project to every corner of the room and quelling all the chaos.

“I’ll get popcorn!” Dream said, jumping to his feet and running to the kitchen as Blue and Horror followed. 

Nightmare sat Error down gently on the couch, making sure string was comfortable before moving around the scattered cushions and sitting next to strings. It took a few minutes for the other three to get back and by then, the movie was already chosen. As expected, it was the Bee Movie. Everyone was either howling with laughter or completely enraged by this development. The popcorn bowls were distributed across the couch and floor where everyone was sitting and the movie started. No one was watching the movie. Instead, they were all either talking or cuddling with the nearest person. Nightmare did the same and cradled Error in their tentacles along with Blue, who just happened to be sitting nearby, and reading a book.

The thing that snapped them out of the world of the thick novel was loud snickers coming from one side of the room. Killer, Horror, Cross, and Epic were all just barely keeping from bursting out laughing at something Ink was showing them. Out of curiosity, Nightmare reached out with a spare tentacle and snatched the sketch book, earning an indignant shout from Ink. They ignored it and opened the sketchbook, skipping past a few other, incredibly well done, drawing to what the other four were looking at. 

So to say that they were shocked upon going from a drawing of a forest the looked like it was a picture and not hand drawn to some horrible amalgamation of Barry B. Benson and Shrek was an understatement.

Error (Who just recently woke up) and Blue saw the drawing and started snickering as well. Nightmare just stared at it in disgust and confusion.

“I don’t understand why you waste your incredible talent on such horrendous things.” Was all they said before giving the sketchbook back.

“Whatever Mr. Grumpy Pants.” Ink huffed, holding the book close to his chest as if someone else was about to take it as well.

After the laughter died down they all returned to what they had been doing. It was still odd to many of them. The fact that some were sitting side by side with who used to be their mortal enemies was still a foreign concept but it wasn’t unwelcome. 

“Love you guys.” Dust whispered and everyone in the room looked at him in surprise.

After a few moments of Dust feeling incredibly self conscious about the fact that everyone was staring him down, Error responded.

“ʟօʋɛ ʏօʊ ɢʊʏֆ ȶօօ.” String said, cuddling closer into Nightmare.

A chorus of “Love you”s Rose from around the room as they all relaxed, enjoying the feeling of peaceful quiet. Well, at least until tomorrow when they were all reenergized and ready to cause more trouble.

--------------------

I FINALLY FISHING FINISHED OH MY GOSH

This took SO long to do (Almost completely because I procrastinated so long-) and I’m glad I finally finished it! 

I hope this makes yalls as happy as it made me while I wrote it :)

[strawberry-lemonade]

Funniest things I’ve said(in my opinion):

to my dad:

-that’s some.. ✨spicy✨ depression u got there

-*in response to “im looking for something straight”* u sure u got the right person for that??

-what the mcfudge-nuggets is a city tiddy and why does that name exist

-if i ask to borrow something, first of all I’m not asking, and second of all it’s not borrowing, cuz ur never getting it back

-*ahem* holy hexagon i thought u were a good driver what was that??

-that wasnt very gucci flipflops of you! u mad bro???

-father i require the cotton things^ from the big magic box*. the blood monster• hath returned. (^pads, *store, •period)

-i did a thing that i did not need to do which means that the other thing that i do need to do has not been thinged however i would like to do another thing so i will do that thing and continue to not do the original thing that needs to be thinged.

to my brothers:

-what the mcfuck is up you mcfucking whore

-add me back bitch

-*in response to “ur younger than me don’t ‘awe’ me”* id advise u to not get your hopes up

-one day im gonna get married to a tree for tax benefits and im gonna forcefully make you my maid of honor 💕

-u gucci????????

-i dont think dad made a very good choice in leaving the two of us home alone...

(my brother and i are the problem children and if i weren’t so good at covering tracks we both would probably be grounded for life.)

-are you stupid? like,, are you actually stupid??? That is the worst idea ever so obviously we are going to do it but know that you are a fucking idiot

-*somehow becomes my little brother’s official curser????*

(like he’ll be singing a song that i know and just before he gets to the part that says the f word he cuts off and looks to me and I’ll say ‘FUCK’ for him)

to my sisters:

-i know you’re straight and dont like girls but im bi and we have almost nothing in common and we need something to talk about so we’re gonna act like stereotypical high school girls and talk about boys all night.

-is this what being a >white< teenager is like??? We get to legally do illegal things because no one actually gives enough fucks to reprimand us for things that endanger both us and those around us????

-i think I’ll have another existential crisis, that sounds nice right now.

-jesus christ i think I’m normal now... that’s disgusting someone come drop me on my head again, i need another 14 years of trauma induced weird habits that freak my family out but impress my online friends

-jesus fucking christ i think I’ve fallen in love with more inanimate objects this is becoming an obsession do i need a doctor

to my friends:

-it gets ✨spicy✨

-Hello I See That You Have Followed Me And I Would Like To Ask If You Are Alright

-im in the middle of a pickup line battle with my friend and hes beating me 😭😭

-still got the pronouns right bitch (used they/them)

-okay i have ten bad ideas you have to fucking elaborate

-besides i wanna fight kids about whether cereal is soup

-DO YOU HAVE FRIENDS -yes- for some reason I don’t believe you

-I Mean My Father Just Pulled A Batman And Adopted Someone Because They Have My Brother’s Old Number

-i have been murdered -oh no- no it’s great life has no meaning anyways

-i defied the laws of physics *i just took a picture*

-do u wanna homo today

-oh good job on sleeping

-good night my yes homo bro

-jake peralta killed me T-T

-hey jay can i have a kiss? .. no homo tho

-hey wally u want in on the homo?

-jay come over here we need to homo

-*starts fake-dating someone that is literally named ketchup after fake-dramatically breaking up with s/o*

-As you can see, my detective skills are far superior to all of you.

-jay stop following me I’m breaking up with u

-As Drake would say, Peace in, you fucks.

-*brother dies* Ah. Peace has come to me once more.

-Did you have to kill him? Was my grandfather not enough for you?

-you murder-whore

-this is why i love you, you don’t discourage my homicidal tendencies

-hello i exist. I am not okay with it

-are you telling me not to stab someone right now because first of all how did you know and second of all why not

-fOUR DAYS_ that’s longer than I’ve been alive!!

-I’m gonna gay

-i just watched the music video for bang bang and no one can convince me that anyone in that video is heterosexual

-im a fucking narwhal

-they exist. I am legally required to pull a batman

-yA KNOW WHY HANDS ARE SO FUCKING SEXY TO ME?? I CANT DRAW THEM. AND I AM IN CRISIS

-why the frick frack knick knack slip slap mc mac and cheese are you so bad at taking care of yourself

-so anyways merry crisis eve eve

-and then i checked and was sorely disappointed that i dont annoy you but aNYWAYS

-*ostrich noises intensify*

-excuse me since when the fuck do i have a life

-*t-poses* AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH

-even pieces of trash need to breath tho so stop making me wheeze pls

-my dude i have nOODLE ARMS_ why do u think I’m noodle jr

-ur right! I make the rules and the rules are no rules except for one rule that’s not necessarily a rule but its still in the rule book of nonexistent rules to follow bc they’re rules and rules are rules my dude

[blackhakumen]

Mini Fanfic #702: Lovely Morning (Super Smash Bro's Ultimate)

8:45 a.m. at the Smash Mansion's Tea Table.......

Peach: (Smiles Brightly at the Other Ladies In Front of her) Good morning, my lovely beauties!~ How are all on this fine day?

Daisy: (Smiles Relaxingly) Pretty good if I do say so myself, cuz.

Rosalina: (Smiles Softly) I am doing good as well, Peach.

Samus: (Raise her Hand Up) Same here. Can't complain.

Tifa: (Happily Nodded) I second that.

Isabelle: (Happily Nodded as Well) Me too.

Bayonetta: (Relaxingly Sitting on Palutena's Lap) Why, yes. This morning is indeed oh so very lovely today~

Palutena: (Smiles Softly While Holding Onto Bayonetta in her Arms) Yes. So much so sun itself has brighten up very beautifully~

Bayonetta: Very beautifully indeed~ And very exquisitely~ (Turns to Palutena) Don't forget that as well, my dear.

Palutena: (Giggles Softly) Aha yes~ The sun is very exquisitely beautiful indeed~ (Turns to Bayonetta) Thank you, dear~

Bayonetta: Anytime, darling~ (Gives her Goddess a Lovely Kiss on the Lips)

Dausy: (Puts on a Confused Look on her Face as Well as Everyone Else in the Table) Uhhh....... What exactly are you guys talking about here?

Rosalina: (Starts Getting a Little Worried) Is everything's okay?

Bayonetta: (Turns Back to her and Palutena's Gal Pals) Oh nothing too important, ladies.

Palutena: Just admiring how beautiful the sun has gotten today is all~

Samus: (Gives the Couple a Deadpinned Look on her Face) You two did it last night, didn't you?

Bayonetta: (Smiles Proudly While Pointing at Samus) You bet your sweet ass we did!!~

Palutena: (Smiles Proudly as Well) All night long with soundproof and all!~ (Gives Bayonetta a High Five)

Peach: (Giggles Softly) Oho~ That's wonderful, you two.

Tifa: Yeah. What's the occasion?

Palutena: Oh it's nothing too major. (Hugs Bayonetta Lovingly) This poor sweetheart here has gotten herself jealous over this vampire lady from the trailer of that New Resident Evil game we saw yesterday.

Bayonetta: (Rolling her Eyes) Oh come now, dear. I wasn't THAT jealou-

Palutena: (Gives Bayonetta a Disappointed Motherly Glare) Bayo......We talked about this.......

Bayonetta: (Stare at her Goddess Girlfriend For a Few Seconds Groaning in Utter Defeat) ('Ughh') Okay, fiiiiine! I WAS jealous of that....stupid, thicc vampire.....

Samus: (Already Started Snickering) Bayonetta? Actually being jealous of someone?

Isabelle: (Giggles Softly) I know, right? That's actually pretty funny now that I think about it~

Bayonetta: (Glares at the Duo Making Fun of Her) Oh hush up, you two! It's not my fault that dumb vampire became the internet's new waifu! I mean..... (Shows Everyone a Picture of Lady Dimitrescu on her Phone) LOOK AT HER!!

Peach: (Covers her Mouth in Genuine Surprised) Oh my....

Daisy: (Eyes Widened) Wow.

Rosalina: Goodness......

Isabelle: She.... really does look interesting.....

Tifa: Tell me about it.....

Samus: (Simply Shrugged) Eh. She looks decent. Not as beautiful as Chun-Li though.

Peach: Already Smiling Excitedly) Oh my gosh! Chun-Li!~ (Turns to Samus) How is she?

Samus: Pretty good. We went out to a café to celebrate her birthday the other day. Had a great and everything.

Tifa: (Smiles Brightly) That's great! We're really happy for you guys.

The Girls: (Happily Nodded in Agreement) Yep!/ Uh-huh!/ You go, girlfriend!~/So proud of you!~

Samus: (Chuckles Lightly) Thanks, guys. Really. To be honest, I didn't think I had a chance with someone as amazing as her at first. I'm glad I was proven wrong.

Isabelle: Awwww~ I can already tell that you two are so cute together~

Samus: (Immediately Starts Blushing) I -I mean.....(Rubbing the Back of her Head Back and Forth While Looking Away) F-For the most part, yeah.... She started to call me "Sammy" after and I love it already......(Glares at Daisy) And I blame you for this.....

Daisy: What!? (Glares Back at Samus) Why me!?

Samus: Because you're the one who kept calling me over and over again ever since we first met.

Daisy: Well, excuse for thinking that's a suitable nickname for ya, lover girl! And besides, I thought you've gotten used of being called that by now.

Samus: Yeah. By you and everyone else in this mansion. Not her! If all of you didn't start calling me that on a daily basis, none of these wouldn't happen.

Daisy: (Crosses her Arms) I think you're overacting. Of course we're gonna keep calling you that for long as we want to. We're pratically sisters now!

Samus: ('Heh') Yeah. And I'm pretty sure you're already the annoying one of this family.

Daisy: (Got up From her Table and Slam her Palms on the Table) Hey! I'm not the annoying sister! You are! (Sticks her Tongue out at the Bounty Hunter)

Samus: (Gives Daisy the Middle Finger with a Smug Smirk on her Face)

Peach: (Starts Clapping Loudly) Now, now, you two. Enough with the arguing. We are all Certified Mommies here. We're suppose to be more mature than this.

Samus: Yeah, Daisy. What would your Weegie thinks if he sees you acting like this.

Daisy: ('GASPS') You leave my Precious Green Bean out of this, you-

Peach: (Immediately Stomps her Feet Loudly) LADIES!

Daisy/Samus: (Gets Startled by Peach's Sudden Outburst for a Brief Second Before Sighing in Defeat) We're sorry.......

Peach: (Simply Nodded) As you should be.

Rosalina: You know, you two are right about one thing....(Smiles Softly) We have become a big family over the years.

Palutena: (Smiles Brightly) I agree. We've been so much together that we started supporting one another ever since.

Bayonetta: (Smiles Softly) Yes. It's wonderful to be surrounded by those you love and care for.

Peach: (Smiles Softly) I know~ I love this family so much that I would anything to protect it!

Daisy: (Smiles Brightly) Same here, cuz!

Samus: (Simply Nodded with a Soft Smile on her Face) I would do the same for you guys too.

Isabelle: (Smiles Brightly While Raising her Paw) Me three!~

Tifa: (Smiles Softly) You know, this what I admire the most out of all of you here. Protecting and loving the people you considered as family, even to Cloud when he first moved here. All of that and more makes me really glad I met all of you girls.

Peach: ('Gasps') You really mean that, Tifa sweetie?

Tifa: Of course I do, your majesty. I know we're not blood related or anything, but you all are already family to me.....(Smiles Brightly) And I love almost each of everyone of you very much.

Peach: Tifa.

Tifa: Yes?

Peach: There's one thing I want you to do for now on in this mansion......(Look Back Up to Tife with Tears in her Eyes) Just call me PEACCHHHHYYYYYY!!!!~ (Pulls Tifa into a Loving Hug While Crying her Eyes Out)

Daisy: ('Sniff') Let me in on the hug too, you guys!!!~ (Joins in on the Hug as Well as Everyone Else Before Her)

Isabelle: Me three!!~

Rosalina: Please do not forget about me as well!~

Bayonetta: Leave room for us, darlings!~

Palutena: Yeah!~ (Turns to Samus While in the Group Hug with the Others) You too, Sammy! Join us already!

Samus: ('Sigh') Do I have too? I mean, I already made this perfectly.nade coffee and-

Girls: SAMUS!!!!

Peach: (Still in Tears) PLEEEEASEE!!~

Samus: Okay! Okay! I was only kidding! I'm coming. (Finally Joins in on the Group Hug) (Sighs with a Sincere Smile on her Face) But seriously, Tifa, we're all really glad we met you too. We love you guys like that.

Tifa: (Smiles Brightly While Crying Herself) You guysssss!~ ('Sniff') Thank you so much!~

Thank you for being my loving family.

Happy International Women's Day!~

@keyenuta

@26shann

@caleb13frede

@miki-13

@ma-lemons

@albion-93

[loser-sun]

Sun/moon x (fem) Reader

<————————————>

<——————————————————>

Part (1/?)

Warning: Mentions the naughty,Mild language,etc.

(Draft)

It’s was my first day working the night shift at the daycare. I walk into the main security office Meeting Vanessa.

“All you have to do for the daycare is make sure that the lights stay on, you got that?” she said in an rush.

“Yeah… thank you Vanessa” I said.

She ran out of the room. I don’t like her idk why.

On my way to the daycare. I’m gonna be so tired after this but I need the money.

I walk in the daycare, setting my bag on the floor next to the security desk. The tall lanky animatronic appeared out of no ware nowhere and was right in front of my face. I cheeks start to burn? Like I was blushing…

“Are you the new security Guard?” he said. “I am” I said. His face was so close. He finally backed up, I let out a small sigh. “Do you want to play a game?” He said.

“I cant right now I have to do a bit of work right now” I said smiling. He looked sad I felt bad. “Maybe, later?” Sun said disappointed. “Of course!” He perked right up “Great!” “What do you wanna play with glitter glue, paint, crayons?” Sun said thrilled.

“I have to get to work now” I said to him. He skipped off. I sat at my desk and got to work. About 30 minutes later he popped up behind me and asked “Can we play now?”.

“Yeah, sure” “What do you wanna play?” I said exhausted. “Can we color?” Sun said. “Of course!” We walked over to the tiny table and sat down. When I sat down I realized how tall he actually is. I had this weird feeling about him… like a safe feeling. I tried to draw sun but it didn’t turn out so good.

“I'm finished what did you draw?” he showed me a drawing of me and him holding hands, it was the cutest thing I’ve ever seen. I had the biggest smile on my face.

“Do you like it?” he asked. “I love it, can I keep it?” I said. “If you want!” He said. I took the drawing and put it in my bag. It’s that feeling again? It’s only with him.

Suddenly the light shut off. “SHIT, SHIT, SHIT!” I ran to the computer. We won’t have power for another 15 minutes! Wait where’s sun?

“Sun where are you!” I shouted.

“Naughty girl…” “Naughty girl…”. I felt a pair of hands run down my waist to my thighs. I jump and my face turns bright red. I turn around to see sun, no more like moon. I forgot that’s why I have to keep the light on!

“You should of kept the lights on…” he said smirking. I ran and hid in the play set. “I cant believe this” I whispered. “Where are you moonshine?” He said his voice getting closer. I was trying not to breathe.

“I found you…”. He slammed on top of me. He had my arms pinned to the floor. I feel weird again. I was blushing like crazy. “Don’t hurt me” I said while closing my eyes. “Oh, I’m not gonna hurt you..”

He traced his hands up my body. His hands were so cold and smooth. I turned me on, I have to admit it. The light then switched on. I opened my eyes to see sun.

“I am so sorry, I didn’t want you to see him!” he said with his hand covering his face.

“Are you hurt?” “I’m sorry….” “I’m sorry…” he mumbled.

“It’s ok, it not you fault!” I said.

It’s not his fault why would he say that? He looked at me, I got that feeling again. I hugged him.

“It’s ok…”

(PART 2)

It has been a few days since then, sun eventually got over it. It was another night at work.

“Do you want to play tag?” he said.

“Why not” I said.

“Tag your it” I shouted and then ran.

He chased after me, holy shit was he fast. It was like I was running for my life at that point and of course I tripped and face planted right on the floor. It didn’t hurt cuz of the patted floors but still.

“Tag your it!” He said joyfully as he tapped me on the shoulder.

Why’d I have to fall?! I chased after him. I stoped and remembered to check the power, it was fine.

“Hey can I show you something?” He asked.

“Yeah sure, what is it?” I said.

He then grabbed my hand and guided me to this small hidden room.

“What is this place?” I said

“It’s my hide out” he said in a gentle tone.

He sat down so I sat down next to him.

“You know your the only security guard that has ban nice to me” he said.

He was looking down fidgeting with his hands. I didn't know what to say.

“Hey” “look at me”

He locked his eye with mine.

“If anybody hurts you ever again, you tell me right away ok?” I said with a Stern look.

He looked away, I was holding his hand it took me a minute to realize.

“I'm sorry i didn't mean to!” I said flustered.

“No, it ok I like it” he said with a heartwarming smile.

We headed back to the daycare but then I heard Vanessa. I quickly pushed us into the closet.

“Wha-”

I stopped him before he could finish the word. It was so cramped, he was so close. My boobs squished against his chest. I knew he can feel it. He was hot but cold, it was confusing.

“You're so close” he muttered.

The tension between us was unbearable. I put my hands around his waist and pulled him in for a kiss,he accepted.I pushed him to the wall still kissing him.

I headed down

“Are you ok?” he said.

“I'm fine” “can you get me some tissues?”

“Of course!” he said as he ran off.

I put my shirt back on and waited.He came back shortly after.

“Thank you”

He left and I got myself cleaned up. By the time I got back to the daycare, it was the end of my shift.

“Sunny, are you ok?”

“Yeah I'm all right” he said.

I hugged him then I left. I was on my home. I can't believe I did that! I don't know, I hope he's ok tho.

(Part 3)

[antigoneidk]

Just thought of this cuz of tiktok. Tom meets one of his famous look a likes and comes up with an idea to prank reader into thinking the look alike is him, only problem is reader doesn’t fall for it at all cuz she knows all his little things that make Tom...well, Tom .

Same|t.h.

a/n: as I was writing this I realised how scary actually this is. i mean can you imagine having someone looking exactly like you?broo😂thank you for your request

warnings: fluff..not really

Bill Jackson: as the lookalike(yes that's what came to my mind nvm)

_

Tom was standing still, his hands on his pockets, big smile on his face looking at the cameras around him, flashing at him capturing every move of his. He didn't try to fake anything, it was just himself at a red carpet.

After a few minutes people with cameras and microphones were all waiting patienly for celebrities to come. All of them asking either really stupid questions or personally ones, trying to take any juicy information they could. He was all giggly answering with confidence, fearless.

" Have you met Bill Jackson yet?"a woman asked.

"No is he here?"he returned the question, full of enthusiasm. The woman in front of him nodded."No way! I want to meet him so badly"

"You look literally the same. How's that even possible?"

"Maybe I have a twin that got lost in the hospital"he raised his shoulders and laughed. The blonde lady thanked me and he got back to his assistant and three of his friends when suddenly a man stood in front of him.

"Oh my God"Tom covered his mouth socked with the person across him. It felt like he was seeing him self through a mirror. Almost every little thing looked the same.

"Finally we met. How are you?" The man hugged Tom. "I am starting to believe that we are actually twins"

"Me too. I mean I could walked down the streets and people be like" Are you Bill?"and I have to admit that sometimes I like to trick them. But when I speak for a long time they're figuring it out and I'm like "Damn" "

"Well I least you tried"Bill interrupted burst out laughing. "But they don't see you with y/n?"

"She is the reason I don't get mistaken when we're out together to be honest"he smiled when your figure came to his mind.

"Isn't she here?"

"Y/n is here, she just left for a moment"he answered, but he couldn't resist to the plan he had for months in his head.

"Could you please do me a favor? I know we just met and I'm really sorry but I kinda want you to listen"he made a silly face that Bill found hilarious.

"Of course I will. Tell me"

"I want to prank my girl. She always says that she would always recognize me but I don't think she would be able to" The man in front of him stopped Tom with his hand. "Right now? Oh she would trust me. I mean the outfit...we're not wearing the same suit"

"Oh no she hasn't see me yet we're fine" Tom looked behind Bill's shoulder, seeing you talking with a man, who was holding a camera with him."Y/n's here. Please can you do this for me? Only for a minute or so, just to prove her wrong"

"Tom I got you" Bill laughed and Tom ran meters away, hiding behind a couple of people, close enough to be able to hear you.

You walked towards the familiar faces, placing your hand to your man's back, showing your bright smile.

"How are you baby?"you asked but looked at Tom's assistant, who was showing you some of your obligations you had to get done. His hand hugged your waist.

"I'm good darling"a deeper voice answered, not the one you waited to. You turned your face immediately to the direction the voice came from. You blinked fast for a moment. It wasn't Tom. It was a man who looked similar to him, but not like him.

No way.

You tried to play it cool. You smiled back at him and returned your attention back to the group around you. They were all acting the same way as before, like nothing had changed. But you were sure that the person next to you wasn't Tom.

"Babe? Can I talk to you for a second?"the mysterious man nodded at you and led you next to an another group, all of them strangers to you. He was holding your hand but that feeling you hoped you would feel, didn't appeared. A sign that proved you right.

You stared at him, clueless for a second. You tried to recall in your memory his name. He looked almost like Tom.

"Are you okay my love?" he seemed concerned, his eyebrows raised and his mouth slightly open. My love. That was something that he would say to you, but yet you were convinced that this was not him.

"Yes, well not but I'll be fine" you tried to act, holding your stomach like it was hurting you.

"Are you sure? Do you wanna leave? We can go, you don't have to worry about that" his voice got higher. He was good.

"It's okay sweet. Tell me now how did you do?"

"What?" the curiosity took all over him.

"With the interview part. You said that you were nervous to the phone" your side smile showed up and you crossed your arms to your chest, waiting for his respond.

"It went perfectly fine, you know some of them were a little rude but other than that I was good"his hand rum through his hair, a move he used to do when he was nervous. But there was not a reason to be nervous about. Who was he?

"I'm glad. And I'm sorry for being late but there was so much traffic"your hands got up in the air "I accidentally started yelling at the driver. But before you say anything I apologized to him"

"Y/n why?"

"I just wanted to be here with you Tom" you said making a sad face and lowered your face, just like a puppy would do.

Tom was listening the whole time. He was right behind your back, hardly holding his laughter, knowing you didn't have an idea of what was going on.

A flashback crossed your mind, a conversation the two of you had days ago about his identical twin, a theory that everyone has someone that looks like them. Tom had said a name, but it was blank. You only wanted the name of this person that he was talking right now. Poor man.

"Are you listening y/n?"

"I zoned out. What did you said?"

"Do you want to get back to them? They have been waiting for so long it's not right"his hand pointed their way."We gonna have time after this to talk for as long as you want"

"Well yes but I'm surprised you haven't kissed me yet" you bit your lip seeing a weird expression from the mystery boy. Tom would have kissed you way before.

"Um"he was searching with his eyes for help from anywhere, until he looked back at you"You said that you felt sick and I didn't want to make it even worse"you nodded and walked back to your team. They all greeted you and kept their conversation going. The guy who followed you, stood now next to you and tried to keep up with the others. A few more humans had been added, not familiar at all. You noticed that some of them looked at the mysterious male.

You scanned the area around you, hoping you will find the real Tom but nothing. And then you saw a light at the end of the tunnel.

Bill. Bill Jackson.

He looked like the boy you fell for, but from the way his hand was at  your waist to the way he talked to you, the sensation wasn't the same. Less emotion, no butterflies, no warmth.

You giggled quietly and looked at Bill with a smile. You leaned discreetly to him, kissing his cheek and you made your way to his ear.

"I love you" you whispered. His nose didn't cracked and his smile wasn't the one that you'd usually expect from your lover. This time an awkward  little smile and a disgust face combined, a hilarious thing to watch. You started laughing loud and he followed after a while.

"Nice try Bill"you said and he huffed disappointed.

"Admit it I got you for a moment"you laughed denying his statement.

"No I know him too well. To be fair I have studied him too well" you didn't feel embarrassed at all. He was your boyfriend you loved too much and cared about. Of course you had noticed every little thing he had done, years now.

"Then he is lucky to have you"you blushed hearing him. You asked where your real boyfriend was. He just shouted his name and Tom appeared looking at you with a smile as he was coming towards you. He hugged and kissed you gently on your lips.

"So?"

"So what?" you asked curious. His shining smile got even bigger.

"Was he convincing?"

"Yes you guys got me"you lied not wanting to ruin his mood. He looked so adorable and cute to destroy it and make him feel like a failure.

"I can believe that this rumor was true though"you admitted scanning the two men next to you. Of course for you wasn't like that, but for the rest of the world they looked exactly the same.

"I told you baby. Somewhere out there is your too" Tom hugged you from behind, your butterflies flying in your stomach. Finally.

"Then be careful" Bill laughed and Tom pretended to be shocked and mad at you but with no success.

The night went by fast, with you having a great time together and actually getting to know better Bill. Yes, he wasn't like Tom.

_____

Sorry for mistakes. ALSO ITS CHRIS'S BIRTHDAYYYY🎉they grow up so fast and I'm stuck helpp

[hecksupremechips]

I’m gonna have a nerdy rant about video games please excuse me (zero escape spoilers)

K so my fave game series I’ve become obsessed with is zero escape, aka a weird bullshit series where the fandom is both small and dead as shit. Yay. And I just finished the last game, zero time dilemma. I wasn’t initially gonna play this game just cuz I heard it was kinda bad, but the ending to vlr had me curious. Plus it had Junpei in it and, well, I think he’s neat :)

But aaaaaaa

Yeah it was bad. Ill go over the good things though. I thought the escape rooms were like challenging without being toooo challenging. They were a good medium between the 999 and vlr puzzles. I liked them. I also really liked the D team a lot. Luna was one of my favorite vlr characters so it’s kinda natural I liked Diana a lot too. I also thought Sigma and Phi were really good in this game. I wasn’t to crazy about either of them in the second game but like. They’re cute in this game. And even though they’re "getting together" situation was kinda iffy, I think Sigma and Diana were cute together. The only valid het couple in this series. I’m kinda indifferent about the whole twist where Phi is their daughter. I don’t hate it, and I think it was cool how it was foreshadowed in vlr, but I think it makes some dynamics weird. Personally, I think Sigma and Phi would have a better siblings relationship but eh

Now let’s get into the bad, even though there’s so much that I physically cannot go over all of it. Idk where to even start. First off, the art style and designs had like no heart. Like everyone has interesting designs (one might even say too interesting) in the first two games. In ztd though, everyone was boring as shit. Junpei went from cool Marty McFly trans king to emo middle schooler. HE WAS LITERALLY IN JUST A BLACK SHIRT AND BLACK JEANS GOD. I’m gonna save him for later though. I’m just disappointed. Also the art style was bleh. I thought it looked nice on the cover, and I was also really excited cuz I read that there were "animated cutscenes". Y’all. Ugh. The cutscenes ended up being like the whole game. I was just watching it all go by and I couldn’t skip any dialogue without accidentally skipping important stuff. Not only that, there was no heart in it at all. I’d argue that the 3D models looked better in this game than in vlr (I’m personally not into how they changed to 3D but that’s a rant for another day), but the models in vlr had GREAT emotions! They had zero emotion in this game. I hated it. Thankfully the voice actors were able to add emotion but damn

Next is the characters. Needle to say, I didn’t enjoy most of them. I liked everyone on D team, the end. First of all, freaking Carlos. Talk about boring. Like god maybe I would’ve liked his design if he wasn’t wearing the button up and also maybe wore like any other pants aaaa. Also like hm. He uh, sure liked his sister. In a concerning way. Like it wasn’t a super obviously bad thing but every time romance was mentioned he’d be like "I don’t need romance, I have my sister!" Do you see what I mean? It’s sketchy to me.

Then we got Eric 👺👺👺. I hated this guy. First off he’s like a ripoff of Kristoph from frozen, without the fun himbo personality. And the whole time he was thirsting after Mira which ughhhh. They were worse than Junpei and Akane in 999. Maybe I’m just too gay for this shit but ughh. Also it was a thing that was pretty well established thing that his father was abusive but like. It didn’t really...mean jack shit? Honestly nothing about Eric’s character mattered, he was pretty irrelevant. Also he was super super shitty to Sean who was literally a fucking child

Then Mira. How disappointing aaaagh. Like they were literally just like "oh here’s this chick that has committed murder, this isn’t relevant at all :)". Like damn they really just had her be completely unnecessary huh. It was super obvious to me that she was the one who killed Eric’s mom and I thought that would’ve come up but. It just didn’t. I was also curious about their relationship in general since it seemed like she only got with Eric so she could kill him. And god they could’ve at least done something like idk. Make her like Dio and break into the game to cuz trouble. Or she could’ve been zero. Maybe that’s lazy but it would have been better. But no they literally did nothing with her. There was a timeline where she brutally murdered Junpei just like, for no reason I guess??? Jesus

Sean and Akane were characters I’m just meh about. I didn’t hate Sean, but I didn’t really like him either. Akane was never really my gal in 999 in the first place so hm. I think she’s funny but she’s done some sketchy stuff and idk I’d probably like her better if the games weren’t always trying to put her with Junpei every five minutes

Then there was Junpei. Ughhhh. They were trying something but ughh. He was very emo and kinda douchey and I just wasn’t into him. Which is a massive shame cuz I liked him a lot in 999, and especially in vlr. Like all I can say is that it’s a real disappointment for me

Now onto plot holes and things that didn’t get covered that should have. As previously mentioned, they didn’t do anything with Mira at all. They also didn’t properly go over Sigma and Diana’s relationship that Sigma had vaguely talked about that happened in another timeline. Carlos’s sister was not important at all and they threw in some "she’s got the mind abilities" bullshit in without really doing anything with it. The timeline shit made my brain turn into goo aaaa. We dont get closure on how the pandemic was stopped, which was the reason I played this fucking game. We didn’t learn jack shit about the third nonary game. And then of course, there’s fucking DELTA

This filled me with so much rage y’all. The game was just like "oh yeah btw there was this random old man who was just there the ENTIRE TIME that never got acknowledged ever and he’s the big bad villain of the game. Not just that, he’s the founder of the crazy cult from vlr. AND he’s Diana and Sigmas kid!" Like wow you know I don’t think words can describe how bad that was. I think things would’ve been better if he just like wasn’t there yeah. Also I guess he’s supposed to be like, the player cuz he mind controls the characters into making certain choices. Ugh. IT WAS SO STUPID MAN. And I guess the only ONLY reason he made the second nonary game was to make sure he was born which is just eghhhmm. That is too messy for me. That’s some bad time bullshit. And weird reason but okay. God

There’s literally so much more I have to say but if I don’t I’m gonna pass out so I’m just gonna take a nap and die. Moral of the story is that I’m pissed a series I loved ended so shitty and don’t play this game unless you hate yourself. The end

[wovenstarlight]

YWBK update: chapter 26 + liner notes

yesterday will be kinder has updated! you can read chapter 26 here, or start from the beginning here

as always, commentary below the cut

Yoojin🐉😊

watch this space....

In preparation for it, Han Hyunjae temporarily requisitions Yoojin’s laptop and combs through the internet looking for photos of the Hunters that he thinks his family should know about in advance. He goes down one too many internet rabbit-holes, takes way too many screenshots, transcribes a summary of the notes in his future diary, then painstakingly puts everything together into a neat little presentation for them.

picture HHJ reading his fifth article wondering where the sung family heir has disappeared to and being like 👁️👁️👁️👁️

had a little giggle to myself about “future diary” that phrasing was definitely on purpose. will exclusively be referring to it as this now

“Right,” he starts, clapping his hands together, after Yerim’s been sent off to play with Hohyoung.

LHH is so much of a background figure.... i want to see more of himself but he likes his privacy.... he’s got his girlfriend and his baby sister and yoojin who’s wormed his way into his good graces by way of Living In Same House but that’s kinda it....... he’s always lurking in the background instead of showing up on screen. come here hohyoung oppa i just wanna talk

Even if Yoojin’s right, Han Hyunjae still has to protest. [...] But he can’t keep it up when Jiyeon looks at him like that.

KJY has the world’s best Stern Mom Voice and Disappointed Mom Glare and to her great delight they work even on fellow adult HHJ. she will use this power For Evil

The other S-ranks are Moon Hyuna, leader of Breaker Guild, and Bak Mingyu of Hanshin Guild.

OK FOR THIS PART I STRAIGHT FORGOT ABOUT HANSHIN GUILD AND I WAS COUNTING UP ON MY FINGERS LIKE WAIT... IF YERIM WAS THE EIGHTH KOREAN S-RANK WHO WERE THE SEVEN BEFORE HER.... (for those curious they were 1. sung hyunjae, 2. han yoohyun, 3. moon hyuna, 4. song taewon, 5. bak mingyu of hanshin, 6. choi sukwon of MKC, and 7. yoon kyeongsoo of soodam. but. i forgot about the last three altogether.)

“Oh, blond guy,” Yoojin says, unimpressed. “Yeah, I’ve seen him on the news and stuff.”

Top 10 Funny Yoojin Moments (I JUST THINK IT’D BE REALLY FUNNY IF HAN “HAVE I MENTIONED IN THE LAST 5 MINUTES HOW HANDSOME SUNG HYUNJAE IS” YOOJIN DID NOT GIVE TWO SHITS ABOUT HIM IN THIS TIMELINE....)

Han Hyunjae takes a moment to double-check that he really doesn’t have Noise Resistance (L), and looks back in time to see Yoojin rubbing at his eyes and glaring at the screen. 

HEHEHE...... A SECRET TOOL THAT WILL HELP US LATER

“Hyunjae-yah,” Jiyeon says, looking at the photo of Sung Hyunjae on screen, “this man looks—” “LIKE A PIECE OF WHITE BREAD,” Yoojin bellows. [...] “HYUNG THINKS HE LOOKS GOOD? [...] Oh, god, he kinda does, [...] but like, in a trashy romance novel cover way.” [... Jiyeon] gives the computer screen an assessing once-over. “He looks like the models in cologne advertisements.”

this part of the chapter was planned waaaay back in august 2020 and i actually crowdfunded these descriptions from the s-class server dshblksjdfkblsdfb. the original suggestions (thanks to server members for these):

“bland whitie potato with a slap-on seme personality”

“tacky valentine’s day/mom’s cologne advertisement”

“the face of the dude on the cover of all my mom’s trashy romance novels”

and tbh HYJ does think he genuinely looks good but like, disgustingly good, you know... also Hyung Likes Him so [19 gun emojis]

also me handwaving moment of mild homophobia because like. jiyeon doesn’t know yet AND homophobia is a thing in this world BUT i don’t really wanna do, All That (we already did it with HYJ once), so.

“Do S-ranks get rich?” Yerim asks as she enters, because apparently everyone’s coming for his life today. Han Hyunjae closes his eyes and lies down on the bed while Yoohyun calls out an affirmation over his head. “Then I think— oh! He looks nice!” He cracks open an eye just in time to see her nod. “I think ahjussi should marry him for the eye candy and the money.” She beams very wide. Han Hyunjae closes his eyes again and tunes out the loud conversation going on around him. And wishes, not for the first time, that he’d picked literally any other name when he first got here.

yerim says gay rights cuz she’s like 12 rn and she straight up does not really care. but says it in, like, the most frustrating way possible.

sometimes you just need to lie down even as the world keeps throwing shit at you. just lie down and nap for a little bit. especially when the shit in question is the alias regret you had literally back in chapter one of your 25+ chapter story. this is gonna come back to bite you in the ass Very Fucking Soon babe!!!!

You Oh this is like the 17th one I got wrong I swear this course is trying to kill me

me, flicking on that EPSON brand projector,

(i have. been having a Time of it.)

[Yoojin🐉😊 called you (21:35)]

that’s minutes and seconds babey... you can pretty much guess the content of call from context :(

well, uh. most of call. some internal plot and Realizations happening right at the end of those 21 minutes, 35 seconds. namely:

Yoojin🐉❤️

:-)

or i dunno you can be my roommate and we can both leech off my rich and prosperous baby brother!

[extremely sad voice] heehoo... they... care each other....

YMW’s parents are kinda shit ngl. they care about him, but unfortunately, that does not show through in their care for him, ykwim? if they just paid attention to what he was actually talented at and encouraged him in his efforts.................

well, he wouldn’t have met HYJ in canon. but he would also have been a lot happier!! and YMW deserves to be happy!!!!!!!! YMW fucking rights!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You When you came with me to drop off Jihui’s standee. 

they finally remembered her name sjfbklsjdfbl

Yoojin🐉❤️ OH right i was talking to one of my new commissioners about their piece realized they were an old friend of hyung’s

HEEHOO.... HONKS MY LITTLE CLOWN NOSE yoojin forgot to ask about pronouns but that’s okay they’re figuring that stuff out still

Yoojin🐉❤️ it’s getting late the kids are going to bed i have to turn off the lights 

you can take the caregiver out the role of caregiving but he will still think of his baby siblings as his kids

Part of that is changing his behaviour. Hyunjae and Yoojin sit side by side and watch as Suk Simyeong gently coaches Yoohyun on how to interact with others and present a neutral, if not friendly, exterior.

[same voice as ingredience] neurodivergence.....

try and look them in the eye, or at least look somewhere on or near their face, if eye contact is too much

yoohyun, who’s the type to look people in the eye without blinking until they inevitably look away because then they don’t try that eye contact shit again later:

tbh i kinda made up shit for the Training In Formality section i don’t know shit about being Formal and Polite. hope i got it right :pensive:

“He’s not good with touch,” Hyunjae cuts in. [...] “Sorry,” [Yoojin] says apologetically to Suk Simyeong, crossing the room and gently pressing a hand against Yoohyun’s back. The kid slowly stops rocking and leans into the touch as he talks.

he’s not good with touch, Usually..... there are exceptions :-) every time i think about this being canon i go insane. wow. love and trust and faith.

Suk Simyeong nods understandingly, giving the closed door a considering look. “If that’s the case, perhaps he can take over part of the preparations,” he offers.

SSM who’s frothing at the mouth wanting to know more about this dude who apparently did some killer business deal with the head of Dungeon Task Force who all the dungeon people are gossiping about on their phone calls while they cart around unassuming A-rank businessmen: PLEEAAASEE fucking involve him PLEEEEASE make him involve himself in business with me

Still, Yoojin’s work is fairly repetitive and boring, so Hyunjae and the women pull out a pack of UNO cards from somewhere and start playing while he works, not paying much attention to either of the boys.

plugging my Han/Bak family playing UNO art here, please reblog like and subscribe,

He stares down at Yoohyun’s hair. Yoohyun’s wavy hair sits there judgmentally. Yoojin bemoans his budding career as a stylist and admits, “This… isn’t working.”

i’m sorry sweetie... hair isn’t your forte :( you can still do fashion if you try really hard

(fun fact about this whole scene, yoohyun not being able to straighten his hair until he could control flame resistance is Certified Canon!)

“No, shit, don’t get up.” Yoojin flaps his free hand at him distractedly. Hyunjae and his need to do everything himself, jeez. “I mean, like. The iron is not. Straightening.”

“hyunjae and his need to do everything” says the man who a few paragraphs ago wanted to be hair makeup clothing and management all in one

“Okay, but why is it not working, though? Is the iron not turned on?” Wow. Wow! Yoojin wonders suddenly if Yoohyun ever felt as homicidal towards him as Yoojin’s currently feeling towards his big brother. If he ever had, then it’s frankly stunning Yoojin’s survived as long as he did. “Do you think I’m stupid,” he snaps. “It’s plugged in.” “Yeah, but did you turn it on.” “You know what, why don’t you touch it and see?” Yoojin unplugs the straightening iron for a minute so that he can take it over to Hyunjae, presenting it to him with a flourish. The heat will hold on for the few seconds this takes. “Come on, touch it right now. I dare you.”

zmur put this into words better than i can, she described this part as “the feeling when elder siblings doubt your intelligence”--

“What if you used a regular iron. Like for clothes,” Hyunjae says, completely ignoring Yoohyun. Yoojin hums thoughtfully.

--and this part as “THEY ARE RIGHT TO DOUBT IT !”

“Killjoy,” Hyunjae mutters so only he and Yoojin can hear.

(should doubt your elder sibling’s intelligence too, once in a while. keep them on their toes.)

“HAN YOOHYUN YOU TAKE YOUR HAND OFF THAT RIGHT NOW,” Yoojin and Hyunjae and Jiyeon holler in perfect unison.

parental instinct for particular phrasings of commands

“Flame Resistance,” Yoohyun reads out. “S-rank.” It’s not heat resistance, but it’s pretty close, so it probably still applies.

hum hum the flame skill works on heat as well, huh

Yoojin’s watching Hyunjae idly when the flickers start up at the edge of his vision again. He blinks, rubbing his eyes idly, and looks back up in time to see, just for a split second— 

HEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE VISION PROBLEMS WAS IT? RUBBING HIS EYES WAS IT??

“Eh? It didn’t? I’ll… I’ll try it again, one second.” Nothing, for a second— but no, there is, pale flashes here and there. Yoojin shakes his head and blinks. They die down, then start up again. Fainter, this time. Why? 

gonna say this here because i accidentally set it up as a Thing there’s. there’s no reason. whether the message shows up or not is pretty much random error.

“Ahjussi has an L-rank skill?” Yerim demands. “That’s so cool!” Jiyeon and Yoohyun and Yoojin stare at Hyunjae in silence as he returns Yerim’s eager high-five. He cowers when he notices them.

these three are already so mad and they don’t know that between S and L there’s SS and SSS. they’re gonna be SOOOOO mad. anyway yerim remains the chillest in the room

“So, say you needed to cauterize a wound in an emergency, and you didn’t have access to healing items or Hunters. You could drop the Resistance there, set it on fire, and just… sear it shut.” Yoohyun blinks, an intrigued look coming into his eyes, and looks down at his own forearm. “That’s true, I could probably…” “Yeah, food for thought, I suppose.” “What the hell?!” Yerim yelps. “Though it’s up to you if you want to try it. I still think your hair is fine as is, we don’t have to—” “That’s horrifying,” Yoojin blurts. “No, I should know how. In case something happens like you said. How do I do it?” “Now hold on a second,” Jiyeon says, voice rapidly rising in pitch.

sometimes i think about how dungeon stuff made yoojin significantly more chill with violence and murder and self mutilation in some cases. and how he comments specifically (i think this might be in a slightly later chapter, possibly unreleased) that people like myeongwoo who don’t have those extra years of immersion in the dungeon culture still reject and avoid violence and killing whenever possible. really makes you think

anyway! i saved some extra commentary for those okay with spoilers. continue reading at your own risk. extra large warning in case you’re skilling

SPOILER WARNING FOR THE BELOW CONTENT!!!! IT DRAWS ON INFO FROM UNTRANSLATED CHAPTERS, POST-170S AT LEAST!

“How many of these people did you personally know?” “Not many!” “So one, then,” Yoojin concludes. “You don’t know that!”

HE DIDN’T SAY THAT YOOJIN WAS RIGHT, THOUGH..............

“Why did you pick his name out of everyone’s! I thought you weren’t in touch with S-ranks. I thought you picked a friend’s name!”

:)

they wanted some kind of bedroom decoration for a family member, counting sheep or something, i forget 

a sheep, for a family member of one of han hyunjae’s old acquaintances, is it

[dawninlatin]

Tell me a story

Part of the Manorian Teacher AU. This one takes place only months after “Online classes are the worst. 

Words: 2676

AO3 Link

Link to my masterlist and the other parts of the Teacher AU

A/N: It feels so good to write for this AU again, and this part might just be my favourite yet, so I hope you enjoy it<3 

Feel free to leave a comment or some constructive criticism or whatever;)

I also am aware that the timeline in this AU doesn't make sense, but it's summer and I have forgotten math, so we'll just ignore that:))

Peace&Love<3 -Dawninlatin

It was on a warm July evening that Manon Blackbeak declared to no one in particular that she was done being pregnant.

Only moments later, her asshole of a boyfriend decided to crush all her hopes and dreams by walking into their bedroom and saying, «You still have three months left, babe.»

Not deeming him worthy of a verbal response, Manon instead grabbed the nearest pillow and hurled it across the room with full force, not that it was much these days. Gods, she was so tired.

The pillow didn’t even make it all the way to Dorian, instead it landed with a weak thump by his feet, and Manon let out a frustrated sigh as he made his way over to her, taking the pillow with him and placing it back with the many, many others.

Manon was nestled on their bed, amongst the horde of pillows, all of them meticulously placed to create the perfect position, the only way she could sleep with a two pound human being inhabiting her body.

«Don’t worry, those three months will be over before you know it,» Dorian tried to comfort, picking up a discarded t-shirt and pulling it over his bare chest. His inky black hair was still wet from the shower he’d just had.

«That’s easy for you to say,» Manon mumbled, crossing her arms.

Something in her expression made Dorian pause, a guilty look on his face. «You’re right, it is easy for me to say. How are you?» He sat down on the bed, and Manon took in the pleasant smell of men’s soap.

«Exhausted,» she sighed, rubbing her swollen belly. Manon didn’t know how she could take three more months of a constantly bloated and aching body. Already she felt as if she could burst at any moment, and bigger would she get. None of her clothes fit, so she had simply taken to just wearing Dorian’s. Then there was the fact that she had to pee every ten minutes, and she still got nauseous, even if she was far past her first trimester, and no matter what she ate, she was kept up half the night by heartburn.

Yet the physical exhaustion was nothing compared to the emotional fatigue. All the hormones heightening her every emotion, and it completely drained her. She got incredibly angry and frustrated by the littlest things, and she cried. All. The. Damn. Time.

The fact that they were in the middle of a pandemic, and that the world was falling apart around her didn’t exactly help. Manon didn’t take well to spending all her days cooped up in their small house. She wanted to go out and do something. Instead she spent all her days inside, watching crappy TV, trying to ignore how helpless she felt.

Manon truly envied Dorian’s ability to sit down with a book and wholly disappear in it. Sometimes he stayed in that bubble of his for hours, paying no mind to the world around him.

All of this felt like some sick, twisted, alternate reality where everything was well on its way to hell. And for her part, it had began with a positive pregnancy test.

The baby had been a shock to them both. After feeling sick for a few weeks, Manon had taken a test just to rule it out. She hadn’t expected to find two pink lines staring back at her. Kids had never been part of her ideal future, but as she saw the positive test, as she saw how excited Dorian got, no matter how much he tried to hide his joy, she couldn’t stop picturing them as a family. Couldn’t stop picturing a small child with Dorian’s blue eyes and inky black curls and irresistible charm. Deep down, she wanted them to share this together. And Dorian would make a great father. Manon on the other hand…

Quarantining made it even harder for Manon to deal with her pregnancy. How was she supposed to enjoy this, supposed to create a bond with her unborn child when all her time was spent inside, isolated, silently panicking over the state of the country? She didn’t get to stroll around shops, buying cute baby clothes, didn’t get to visit friends and family, sharing this journey with them. Manon had been to one ultrasound, and Dorian hadn’t even been allowed with her. The worst of it all was that she felt like a selfish, whining bitch for being sad about it all.

Now that summer vacation had started, she didn’t have work to look forward to either. As a science teacher, there was nothing she was more passionate about than her job. A few weeks back, she’d had to say goodbye to her graduating seniors over a fucking video call. It had taken all of her stubbornness and unrelenting will-power to not burst into tears in front of them. They didn’t know she was currently a hormone-filled mess. Gods, how she would miss those brilliant young minds that annoyed her to no end. She’d never tell them that, of course. She had a reputation to uphold after all.

But without the distraction of her work, she’d had to take up other hobbies to busy herself. Yesterday, Manon had cried her way through an entire season of ‘Our Planet’ while knitting a blanket for their baby. Knitting, of all things! It had quickly become an obsession, and truth be told, she was excellent at it, but it was something Manon had never imagined she’d be filling her time with. Maybe this was what they called nesting?

Her thoughts were interrupted as she noticed Dorian moving down the bed and settling with his head next to her belly. He had a book in his hand, one he’d pulled out from their crowded bookshelf. It was thin with a picture of a sweet-looking dragon on the front. Manon also noticed how old and worn-out it was, the spine barely binding it together.

Dorian cleared his throat, turning to the first page, and Manon let out a confused chuckle. «What are you doing?»

«That weird pregnancy app I downloaded told me that our baby can register sounds from outside now, so I’m reading them a bedtime story.» He looked at her as if it was obvious that’s what he was doing. Then he turned his head back towards her belly, his voice turning high-pitched. «And you better get used to it, dude…or dudette, ‘cuz I’m gonna read you a story every night from now on.»

Manon tried to control her laughter, but his baby-talk, mixed with the ridiculous look on his face made it very hard to hold it in. She laughed even more as he kept going. «But if I’m gonna read to you, your mommy needs to stop laughing at me! Yes she does!»

Hearing herself referred to as someones ‘mommy’ made her chest tighten uncomfortably, but no matter how wrong it sounded, she ignored it for now. For Dorian’s sake. Instead, she chose to mask her fear and doubt with flirty banter, as usual. «If you’re spending the entire evening in my lap, you might as well go a little lower and put that mouth of yours to good use.»

«MANON!» he chastised, playing the perfect role of a disappointed parent. Dorian placed both his hands on her belly, as if covering a pair of ears, and said in a hushed voice, «There are children present!»

Chuckling, Manon answered, «That’s not what you said last night when you-»

«CHAPTER 1!»

As she beheld the exaggerated look of shock and horror on his face, Manon failed to hold in her cackling laughter any longer.

-

Manon had closed her eyes long ago, simply enjoying the sound of Dorian reading one of his favourite books to their unborn child.

He was a natural at storytelling, his tone eager, making up different voices for each character, giving life to it. Manon knew he would make an excellent father. Could already picture him with their child, reading them books, tucking them into bed at night, soothing them after a nightmare.

Whenever she tried to picture herself as a mother, the only image coming to her mind was the image of her grandmother, the woman that had raised her, the woman that had made Manon’s childhood a living hell. Who was she trying to fool? She knew nothing about motherhood!

As she kept spiraling, tears began to sting in her eyes. Manon tried to stop them to no avail. She sniffled, and the noise got Dorian’s attention. Turning his head, he found her shaking with silent sobs.

«Manon? What’s wrong?» He rushed to her side, the book completely forgotten. He pulled her to him, stroking up and down her arms, and the loving gesture only made her cry harder.

«Talk to me, love,» he whispered against her hair.

But how could she? How could she possibly express everything she was feeling? All the fear and doubt. And Dorian was so excited, Manon didn’t have the heart to take that joy away from him by telling him how she really felt about all of it.

Instead, she voiced the one question that had been playing at the front of her mind for months now. «Do you think I’ll be a good mom?»

«Oh, Manon.»

Her breaths came in choking gasps, and no matter how hard she tried, she simply couldn’t get enough air.

«Breathe,» Dorian tried to soothe, running his hands up and down her back in long, calming strokes. Manon let her forehead fall to his shoulder, clutching his shirt.

«I just-» she began, but she didn’t know what came next. Drawing a ragged breath, she tried again, «I have no idea what I’m doing! Like, do you know all the ways a baby can die? You hold it wrong and it breaks! And I have no idea how to be a mother! None! Everyone says they’ll be different than their own parents, but in the end they end up the same, and I know I will be just like my grandmother! I can’t do this! I can’t-» Her words turned into a heartbreaking sob.

«Look at me,» Dorian said, taking her face in his hands. His thumbs brushed over her cheeks, wiping away her tears only for more to follow. «Do you think I will be just like my father?»

His question took her by surprise, enough that she regained some control over her breathing. «Of course not!» Manon blurted out, wiping her eyes. «You’re nothing like him!»

«Exactly, and you’re nothing like your grandmother,» Dorian said firmly. Manon started shaking her head, but he grabbed her chin, forcing her to meet his eyes.

«I know you’ll be a great mom.» She was about to protest, but Dorian beat her to it. «You’ll make our child feel so safe, and loved, and supported, no matter what.»

«Dorian-» Her words died on her tongue as she saw how he looked at her, his eyes shining with love and adoration.

«You wanna know how I know that?» He pressed a kiss to her temple. «Because that’s how you make me feel, every single day.»

Dorian laid down, pulling her with him so that she lay with her head on his chest, feeling his heart beat, a steady rhythm that grounded her. Tears kept streaming down her cheeks, but her breathing had gone slow and even.

Manon broke the silence by whispering, «I’m so lucky to have you.» Dorian hummed in response.

They nearly fell asleep like that, until Manon suddenly spoke, her cracked voice startling Dorian in the process. «Will you keep reading? I wanna know how the story ends.»

This brought a huge grin to his face, and Dorian gladly slid back down to her belly, kissing it once, before picking up his discarded book. Manon settled back against her pillows while he skimmed to the right page.

Dorian cleared his throat once more, and picked up where he left, telling the story about a small, brave dragon that would much rather spend his days in fields of flowers than fighting wars.

-

«The end,» Dorian finished at last, a yawn escaping Manon’s lips.

«I liked this one,» Manon whispered. «You’re a great storyteller.» Dorian closed the book and sat up, a strange look on his face.

His eyes softened, and he said, «It’s not done yet.»

Manon’s face shifted into a confused expression, but Dorian didn’t explain further, simply placed the book on the nightstand, taking her in with burning intensity.

Outside, it had gone dark, the only source of light being the string lights that hung from the ceiling. They cast a soft, golden glow over the room, making Dorian look ethereal. He drew a ragged breath, before speaking, his voice quiet, «And as the lost man finished telling his story, he looked down at the love of his life, her white hair shining like liquid moonlight, her golden eyes glowing brighter than any star. He laid down next to her, face to face, took her hand in his, and asked, his heart ever so hopeful, ‘Will you marry me?’»

Manon couldn’t believe this was happening, her eyes widening in shock. Not pulling her gaze away from Dorian’s, the man she loved more than she could fathom, could ever put into words, she managed to choke out, «You- You’re asking me to marry you?»

«I am,» he whispered back, brushing a few loose strands of hair away from her face. «Wait a second, will you,» he blurted out, turning towards his nightstand and opening the drawer. «I actually have a ring,» he continued while rummaging around for it, his voice frantic.

«Got it,» Dorian said, facing her again. He inhaled once more, bracing himself. «I’ve had this ring for a while actually. I bought it straight after our first date, because I knew, already then, that there were no one else I’d want to spend my life with. You’re the love of my life, Manon. You’re my best friend, my equal, my everything, and I would be honored if I would also be able to call you my wife.»

How much love could a heart take before it would burst? Manon wondered to herself.

Flustered, Dorian kept talking, kept rambling, and damn her if it wasn’t the most adorable thing she had ever witnessed. «I had planned this big proposal with a candle lit dinner and roses and every other cliché ever invented, and you deserve so much more than this,» he gestured to them, to their bedroom, «but I couldn’t wait any longer, and-»

«No, it’s perfect,» Manon interrupted, shaking her head in disbelief as she took in the gorgeous ring. It was a thin, golden band with a simple, turquoise stone. It was really just perfect, all of it. Yes, she was in her - no, actually his - worn out pajamas, her hair pulled into a messy bun, her face bare, without any makeup, but it was perfect. She couldn’t have imagined it any different.

«Is that a yes then?» Dorian asked, his voice full of hope.

«Yes,» Manon laughed, and at the enormous grin appearing on her fiancé’s face, she burst into tears. «Those damn hormones,» she managed to choke out in between sobs, letting out an incredulous laughter.

Though this time it wasn’t purely the hormones’ fault. She had never felt so loved, and she knew Dorian felt the same way, because his own eyes were also lined with silver, mirroring her own.

After he put the ring on her finger, she pulled him into a tight embrace, pressing her lips to his. As they laid there, Manon took Dorian’s hand, placing it on her belly, where their child, their baby, had begun kicking ferociously. He gasped as he felt the fluttering kicks, and she couldn’t help but smile at the look of awe on his face. How right it felt, to be three. A family. Manon marveled over the feeling, something settling deep inside her.

Maybe the future wouldn’t be so bad after all.