#and like yeah there isn't too much to do here but i'm actually doing a lot better in a smaller town than i did in the city
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How do you feel about the new toothless, given everyone else in the HTTYD community here seems mostly negative?
^reference image directly from the trailer^ Personally i dont like it given it has more of a headshape from THW toothless and Homecoming, especially on the side view of the head when he opens his eyes
just sorta gives me less of a wild animal look and more of a "yes this is dog" look, and tbf even the Huge puppet for 2010's Liveaction play with the egg biter looked better imo.
but wanted to hear your thoughts on the matter :0
I ain't gonna lie, I HATE how the Toothless in the play looks. It's just...not right. XD I was actually worried the whole time before the trailer was released that the live action Toothless would look like that, so I'm very relieved.
As for what I think, I'm frankly half-half. I don't have many issues tbh (yeah, I know more unpopular opinions from Lumii) and how Toothless looks in it isn't a deal-breaker for me. If I handled how the....night lights of TNRs looked through watching it, Live Action Toothless isn't going to bother me.
I DO wish that they stuck closer to the first movie's model because this version does look a little too "domesticated' to me, but once again, I don't lose sleep over it.
Just...gd anything is better than TNR's night lights...
And I also actually like the live action Toothless's skin texture. I very much want to smoosh it with my hand and I can almost picture what it feels like.
#how to train your dragon#httyd#httyd live action#inbox stuff#//I can already see the fandom frothing at the mouth staring at me rn lol//
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Here is the original ramble! Actually I will preface this new rb by saying please feel free to correct me if I am mistaken in misremembering anything in these!! Okay here it is under the cut proper
vvv
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Okay, so honestly this is more or less an excuse to ramble out an appreciation post (of sorts) on everyone tbh, since I do not do that often if ever. I'm just using the quote picks to keep me a bit focused on topics a bit more specific than being completely aimless!
[Also specialist of special shoutouts to my friends Squid and Aya for proofreading all this. Ily guys ever so dearly <3333]
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Mirabelle
"Avoidance, huh... That feels... a little too cowardly, for me."
The Housemaiden, who would probably fulfill the 'Hero' role if this was a normal RPG, Mirabelle! She has a lot going on that's so interesting to me!! Okay tbf everyone else does too but I really just needed a segue.
She's the chosen one that wasn't really chosen. The reason she was blessed was due to circumstance, and it wasn't even by the Change God either. Because of that, she feels immense pressure/imposter syndrome since she knows the truth of her blessing. Speaking of feelings, she also already felt like she’s failing her own faith for being comfortable with herself, in staying the same forever. For not wanting to Change in that way, when everyone else can, and feeling broken because of it. And, of course, she literally has anxiety and hasn’t had access to her meds throughout the entire quest. That probably also does not help in the slightest!! It's an interesting stewing pot of feeling like a fraud of a 'chosen one' with all that in mind.
And yet, her dedication to her faith and country shines through her actions and words, whether she knows it or not. She’s not someone to avoid her worries. She’ll face them, head-on, even if she doesn't think she'll succeed. I feel like this quote captures it best to me actually! Especially since it's a direct response to Sif saying that they try to avoid their own doubts and worries, in comparison to Mira’s own in her own faith. It almost feels like a subconscious response, and to me that says a lot.
[Side-tangent, but it's also interesting to me that this very dedication works against her, in a sense? Like, notably the bonding proposals. Beyond the societal pressures in play related to the Change belief, she is also the one to take the initiative to ask a dating company for bonding proposals, it didn't just happen around her (as in, no one suggested this to her)? Even when she isn't even interested in dating anyone to begin with! She's not interested in Changing in that way!!! That is to say, her head-on dedication can be to the point of her own detriment at times, to the point of bringing her woe? Not sure if I am wording this properly. Just a thought I had, idk if it has much merit tho. Sorry if that made like no sense!!]
But yeah! She gives it her all in just about everything she does!! She was already known as the most hardworking Housemaiden in the House, always striving to better herself, always taking new classes prior to all this (over 150! and she herself said that she couldn't do anything before coming to the House, which makes it all the more impressive). And when faced with the insurmountable task of saving her home, all of Vauguarde, from being frozen over by the King? She continues on to take on the mantle as the chosen one, the one who will save everyone, and she starts it off completely alone. She's the reason the journey was able to play out, and why everyone is together in the first place. All because she isn't one to avoid her doubts and worries, and willingness to do it scared, yanno? It's just a small part on what I appreciate about her, but I think I'm going to cut myself off here!
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Isabeau
"Doesn't that feel like someone you wouldn't feel ashamed of knowing?"
Isabeau!! Literally the whole “Change is destruction” convo that Isa has prior to this quote was up to be picked, but I figured picking the end would be easiest. But now that I think about it, I think all my picks are basically at the end of the FQ's so that point is sort of moot. Oh well! It's just hard to pick a singular quote off of these okay!!
Isabeau from the start of the game is shown to be portraying himself as a himbo. Big guy, dumb guy, the like. But, even from the start, there are signs that he really isn't stupid, like at all! First early gameish example I can think of off the top of my head, that distinctly shows this, is the color theory book. Mainly because he sort of kind of drops the facade for a split second there. Without proper context to his deal, it's just a funny moment. But, reflecting after the fact, it's more of an '...OH!' moment, since he seems to have been kinda upset about not knowing about colors (even if he's hamming it up a little bit, saying he's 'failed them all' for not knowing what colors were.) And that's not even going into his emotional intelligence either.
But, delving into his FQ the full picture is shown. That he wasn't always this big boisterous guy. He used to be the nerdiest kid around, incredibly shy, and because of that he didn't like himself much. But then he Changed and is much happier now, compared to back then! Even after his Change though, he's unhappy with some aspects of himself. He doesn’t like being considered dumb because of his act. And, even after Changing, that kid from before is still there, right? As much as he continues to project this air of cool confidence, he can never truly be rid of that part of his old self, can he? The one always paralyzed by fear.
With that, comes the quote pick! Since, to me, he's not necessarily talking to just Siffrin here, but also to himself. Because it all boils down to his own self-hatred, I think? He himself does mention this in the A5 version of this FQ, albeit kinda heat of the moment, that he "...keeps changing personalities like clothes, because it's easier than learning to like myself." He's still a work in progress in that regard. But even still, he is trying to be better, for the people he cares about.
[Small aside, that too can maybe stem from his own self-loathing? Putting the people he cares about first. I mean, he is the one who told Sif to focus on the others first. And even after that, he was putting focus onto Sif at first during his FQ (as in, talking about how he thought Sif would like seeing the stars, only letting the convo slide into focus unto himself after Sif made an obvious topic change.) The quote also kind of reads as an ask of reassurance, in a sense? That him Changing again would allow himself to be someone that people would like, even if he himself doesn't like himself. Idk where I was going with this tbh, but I think it makes sense to keep its inclusion here!]
Overall, I just think it's interesting to revisit Isa's previous dialogues with the context of the FQ!! Especially when thinking on the underlying reasons as to why the way he's acting the way he is, even while seeing signs from the start that he isn't the airhead he was masquerading as.
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Odile
"I'm Ka Buan and Vauguardian, in ways I do and don't realize... And I am also myself."
The Researcher, Odile! I think I’m just gonna jump right into it without a semblance of an intro since I know it’s going to be a lil less focused. Mainly because I know for a fact I will not be able to articulate this ramble that well, so here we go.
As the oldest party member, it makes sense that she's much further along in her own character development / self-discovery journey in comparison to the others (at least in relation to her FQ centered struggle on finding out more about herself in relation to her heritage), and I think her FQ, in itself, helps portray that. Compared to Mira and Isa, who are still in the midst of their own personal journey on how to address their turmoil and putting it to action, Bonnie, who is the youngest of the group and is learning how to tackle their issues to begin with, and Siffrin who is going through All That™; Odile has come to a conclusion about her own woes, where the others have not.
That’s part of the reason why I went with the quote pick actually! In a sense, it’s a display of self-assuredness in herself that can really only be gained with time and experience. She’s also able to explain her feelings on her heritage eloquently as well, and the convo prior to the quote helps express them too! It’s the recognition that yes, her mixed heritage helped shape who she is as a person in ways she may or may not realize, that it’s not the only factor at play here in regard to her identity. It’s the fact that, at the end of the day, what matters most is that she is herself, yanno?
Even with her self-assuredness towards herself, it’s also interesting to me how that contrasts her closed-offness to the others, especially in outright saying/showing that she cares? Which also probably also stems from her mother, someone who was supposed to love and care for her, leaving without a trace early on in life. It makes sense to me that she would have reluctance in showing that she cares for the others!! What if she ends up hurting others similarly to how her mother hurt her? Of course, she wouldn’t want to do that to the others, and is distinctly also why she does NOT want to be called a Mom.
[Tangent that doesn’t relate as much to the quote, but I want to touch upon anyway since it’s FQ related. I also want to point out that the FQ helps inform us why Odile is more willing to question things around her / be more sus? When her mother left, she left nothing behind, and with it, any links to her Vauguardian roots. This left her with a complete loss of that connection, one that was stolen from her and, with that, the feeling like she didn’t belong anywhere as a result. This led her to be curious enough to seek out a resolution to that feeling, lending more into her inquisitiveness on just about anything. How else would she be able to learn more about Vauguarde, without asking questions, after all!]
All in all, for Odile it’s a bit harder for me to elaborate on why I like her? I dunno, I think it’s just hard to sum it all up as eloquently as she probably could LOL.
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Bonnie
"So you can protect me, and I can protect you... And we can protect everyone, too!"
Bonnie!! TBH I had a toss-up on what specific quote the drawing would be based around. The other one being “You got hurt because of me and— And I don’t like it!!! I don’t want it to have happened! You should have stood there and let me be hurt!” . Because of the toss up both quotes will be discussed somewhat, since they go hand in hand with the ramble!
[To note, the toss-up was decided by putting it on a poll to my friends, as a simple “choose !” with the options being “joyful” or “angsty” with ZERO context. I told them after what the poll was for (basically if Bonnie would be crying or not in the drawing) and I got threatened for that one HAHA.]
But, to start, Bonnie has had, not once, but twice, people sacrificing themselves in some way for them (Nille telling them to run and getting frozen, Siffrin losing his eye.) Makes sense, because they're a kid, so of course those who are older need to protect them. Still, they are not happy about this, about people getting hurt because of them, and understandably so! It probably doesn't feel good to have your loved ones putting themselves in harm's way for your sake. But what can they do, right? They're a kid and don't really get a say on the matter. I mean, what else can they do? It makes sense to me that Bonnie is frustrated about that part!! It can be frustrating to have everyone discuss things around you, have everyone do things that you don't want them to, and (unintentionally or not), ignoring your input as a person because you are so young.
Kids are smarter than you think. Even if they may not have a full understanding of what's going on, they can certainly follow along and get the gist. Like, for example, Bonnie always listens in on the burial conversation during the second snack break (first found out either during a FQ run or in Memory of Promise). They even pretend not to hear whatever Siffrin says to make everyone think that they aren't listening in! They also seem to hone in completely to the conversation the second Isabeau says that it doesn't matter what happens to him after he dies, since they stop prepping at that point. Even worse, everyone starts discussing how they won't let Bonnie be killed. Which, if it comes to fruition, would be the third instance of people getting hurt because of them, and would be another thing they get zero say in! And everyone thinks they aren't listening in on it, meaning they were being discussed around. Plus, in Memory of Promise, while they don't have the words to articulate why everyone talking about their deaths is so upsetting to them, this context spells out the picture of them not wanting people to be hurt because of them, time and time again.
So when they get a proper opportunity to have a say on something, their promise with Siffrin on protecting one another, to protect everyone too? It makes the exchange all the sweeter to me! It's the first time, in probably a long time, Bonnie has had proper input on something from someone older than them on an important decision. For once, they get to stand on a more equal footing to an adult, rather than being treated as a kid who doesn't know what's going on. And, it probably means more to Bonnie than Siffrin realizes.
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There’s probably a lot more of examples/subtopics I am forgetting to add onto all of these but. Please forgive me, but a good chunk of this was written while I was travelling or in one sitting on my singular day off after travel ASDAFSA. I might genuinely be forgetting something I wanted to talk about, esp since I couldn't double check stuff easily. I've been going off a combination of memory and downloaded friend ISAT streams LMAOOO.
Feel free to correct me on stuff I possibly? Completely misconstrued as well?? Since that is entirely possible in happening! Or further add onto thoughts! In short feel free to extend the discussion on any of this! But yeah, wrangling (some) of my thoughts on why I like them has been fun :D
And to those of you who read all of this to the end, thank you for reading my ramblings!! And if you're skipping to the end, FAIR ENOUGH LMAO!!
Regardless though, I'll end this off with a fun lil fun fact about this post! If I scheduled this properly, it should be going up at 11:11... somewhere! I thought it'd be a fun easter egg to myself. Mainly bc I remember people always used to say "11:11, make a wish!" a lot when I was school whenever the clock struck that time. I just thought it'd be fitting to queue this up for that time is all :]
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Happy Anniversary In Stars and Time!! Have some Friend Quest based drawings :D
(These have specific quote picks related to them! And there's also a long ramble on why I like those specific quotes below if interested)
(And by long, I mean roughly 2k+ words of proper ramble total, so be warned before clicking keep reading this link right here to the rb!!)
#srb#miki muses#text#isat spoilers#<- now THIS one gets to be tagged specifically for a5 due to mention in the ramble#side tangent since i never said it in the original post since i was being sappy about the characters in general#but isat overall is important to me in the sense that it got me back into drawing?? more often??#before getting into it proper i maybe drew like... a doodle? once a month#maybe less a month actually#cuz i was super demotivated after losing a ton of oc related notes#like FOUR YEARS WORTH of notes!! from the notes app!! everything from 2016 - 2020!!!#all that gone couldnt remember any of it so it was hard to want to create yanno#but i got back into it more creatively with isat and for that i am infinitely grateful#side tangent 2 DO NOT SAVE ANY LONG TERM NOTES IN THE NOTES APP#I REPEAT DO NOT DO WHAT I DID.#i lost it all due to a syncing error with my emai and it just?? wasnt saving for several years#fr just save it somewhere else preferably decentralized multiple places or with cloud or something if u dont wanna lose it#i do not wish anyone to have that happen to them it suckedddd#okay geez wasnt supposed to do a tag talk here ah well
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Hi Sanne! Could I please request a Wally x reader where she’s super clumsy and kinda shy so when he flirts with her she gets all flustered and clumsy and Wally thinks it’s the cutest thing in the world? Thank you!
got this request AGES ago and forgot to post. hope you like! I don't know much about wally's personality admittedly except for the few comics I've read with him 🫣
gn!reader. wally makes your body and mouth clumsy. kissing and confessions. drinking.
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"So what exactly is this again?" Roy asks, peering at his glass.
"It's a mocktail," you say.
"No, I get that, but why is it blue? And sparkly."
"It's supposed to be the ocean," Dick says. "Duh."
"Oh, sure. As usual, I'm the idiot. Never had the creative mind to find worlds in drinks. 'S like I'm drinking a snow globe."
"I can get you something else," you say, laughing.
"No, I like the snowglobe." Roy curls his hands around the glass protectively. "My snowglobe."
The team's decided to try their hand at a trivia night at a local bar. It's gone better than you expected, with only one near-blowup and no glasses thrown. All in all, a good night.
"I would like another daiquiri, please," Donna says, holding up her glass. "These are delicious. What flavor did you say this one was?"
"Passion fruit."
She nods. "Indeed. I'm passionate about this fruit."
"Don't get my team too hungover," Dick says, eyes shining and cheeks pink from two drinks.
"I'll do my best," you say.
If only Wally were here, you don't say. He'd be a big help in getting everyone back to the Tower. You have no idea how you're going to manage the Wonder Twins and Garth wobbling all over the sidewalk. Roy, though perfectly sober, will provide zero help, too busy giggling at Dick's lack of motor skills.
You take Donna's glass because she deserves another passion fruit daiquiri if she wants it, darn it. You order that and another two baskets of fries. Dick's got the tab. Everyone's taking advantage.
"Need a hand?"
You turn with the fries cradled in one arm and the daiquiri in your other hand. You don't anticipate Wally to be standing as close as he is.
The baskets go flying.
"Whoa!" he says, darting out to catch the food. He does so perfectly, of course.
"Oh!" Your face goes hot as Wally grins at you.
"Careful," he says. "All those heroes and not a single one came to help you carry the food? They should be ashamed of themselves."
"They're, um, having a good time. It's okay, really." Did you manifest him being here? "I was just thinking about you."
Wally's grin widens. "Oh, yeah? Anything in particular?"
Now, why did you say that? Your tongue just gets so clumsy around him.
"I was—I mean, it wasn't—I was thinking about how helpful it would be if you were here. I was hoping you'd come."
"Well, hope no more! You've got an official superhero on your side."
Wally wriggles the glass out of your hand and gestures for you to go ahead. Now you're carrying nothing. You go, knowing that protesting does no good with Wally.
"Seems like wherever you go, Wally isn't far behind," Roy says, waggling his eyebrows. "You two psychically linked or something?"
Dick and Donna exchange smiles. You look at Wally, mildly mortified by the teasing.
"We're soulmates, actually," Wally says, and that makes your whole body hot. "Wouldn't expect you to understand, Arrow Boy."
"Dude, I'm hurt." Roy clutches his chest. "I thought we were soulmates."
"You wish. Where's Garth?"
"Bathroom," Dick says.
Donna makes grabby hands for the drink. She takes a long sip and gives you a thumbs up. You return it.
"We should play pool!" Dick says.
"No way, you cheat," Roy says.
"I do not! Donna, do I cheat?"
"Physically, Dick doesn't cheat, but he has a long history of psychologically manipulating opponents," Donna says.
Roy snaps his fingers. "Bingo."
"I don't cheat, I'm just that good." Dick smirks. "Anyway, I'm tipsy, so my aim will be off."
Roy rolls his eyes. "Yeah, right. No bets. I can't afford to lose anymore money to you."
"Fine. You two joining us?" Dick asks, looking at you and Wally.
"I don't know how to play pool," you say, a little embarrassed. Working on a team of superheroes, the least you could do is know how to play pool. Pool is obviously a cool people game. Batman probably taught Dick pool when he was, like, eight.
"That's fine, we can teach ya," Roy says.
"No, we suck at teaching," Dick says. "Remember, Roy? Remember how we suck at teaching people? Wally's way better at teaching."
Roy glances at Dick, then at Wally. He nods slowly. "Ah... yeah. Our, uh, shortcomings as teachers—yeah, we suck. Wally, you're up!"
Wally squints at them. "What're you talking about? You guys are better at pool than me."
"Not true! You can calculate physics in your head and shit. Go on. Shoo, fly," Roy says, waving him away.
Wally looks at you, questioning. You shrug, trying to play off how nervous you are at the prospect of being alone with him.
You follow him to one of the pool tables. He takes down a cue stick and gives it to you.
"You really don't have to teach me," you say, suddenly self-conscious. "It's not a big deal."
"I don't mind," he says, smiling. "Plus, what if you're a pool prodigy and we never find out because I never taught you and unlocked your ability? Tragic."
You laugh. He beams. You back up against the table and the wooden edge hits your back. You wince.
"You okay?" he asks, inspecting you.
"Fine." You sigh. "Okay, I'm ready to unlock my special abilities."
"Right on. So you're gonna hold the cue like this."
He puts it in your hands and adjusts your grip.
"Okay, and you're gonna stand like���uh, is it cool if I touch you?"
"Uh-huh," you say, hoping your voice isn't high and breathy.
Wally gently bends you forward and moves your hips so your legs are planted. He's behind you, mouth near your ear.
"Alright," he says, and your whole body goes aflame. He's so close. "So pull back..."
You pull back the cue and promptly elbow Wally in the stomach. He grunts and you drop the stick, mortified.
"Oh my God," you say, spinning around. "Oh my God, I'm so sorry. God—"
You dart away, the humiliation too overwhelming. You're making a beeline for the bathroom when Wally appears in front of you. Damn superspeed.
"Hey, hey," he says, hands on your shoulders. "I'm okay. Seriously, don't even worry about it!"
"No." You shake your head. "I give up. I'm too uncoordinated for this stuff. There's a reason I'm not out on the field."
"Aw, c'mon, none of that," Wally says, rubbing your arms. "You're a valued member of the team even if you don't go onto the field. What you do is important. You're like our Oracle."
"I've been tripping over my own feet all night," you say, looking down.
No guesses as to why you've been so clumsy. Starts with a W, ends with a Y.
"Well, I'll always be there to catch you," Wally says warmly. "I have great reflexes. It's kinda my thing."
You busy yourself with picking at a loose thread on your shirt, so Wally won't see your response to that.
"I'm still sorry for elbowing you." You cover your face at the memory. "Ugh."
He laughs. "Nah, it's okay, honestly. I'm a tough guy. Put on my own suit and everything."
And now, your mind is inundated with images of Wally in his suit.
He carefully tugs your hands from your face, gaze soft. You're caught off-guard as Wally rubs your knuckles with his thumbs.
"Listen, I..." He glances around as if searching for words. You've never seen Wally at a loss for words. He's usually talking too fast for anyone to keep up. "I don't know if maybe I'm misreading this. I don't think I am. But if I am, feel free to elbow me again."
Your eyes widen. "I would never—"
And quick as anything, Wally leans in and pecks your lips. It's warm, like a shock of electricity. You barely have time to process it.
"Oh," is all you can say.
Wally smiles nervously. "Is that a good oh or a 'I'd like to punch you in the face' oh?"
"I like you," you blurt.
He relaxes into a grin. "Know what? I kind of suspected. Especially after those idiots practically forced us into playing pool. I'm dumb but I'm not that dumb."
"You're not dumb, Wally."
"When it comes to this stuff, I really am. But I'm happy you like me because I really like you. Like, a lot."
"Yeah? Elbows and all?"
Wally laughs, draws you in again for a kiss. "You can elbow me any time, babe."
#wally west x reader#wally west x you#flash x reader#the flash x reader#wally west x yn#the flash x yn#the flash imagine#the flash fanfiction#wally west fanfiction#blurb#inbox
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How the Night Changes
Summary: Based on the premise that having a threesome with Steve and Nancy would have saved Barb's life.
18+ MINORS DNI
"This isn't you, Nance," Barb sighed like she usually did.
Nancy looked at her like she always did when she was about to get herself into trouble. It's been like that since they were kids. Nancy would see something she'd want, and she'd go for it with reckless abandon. Barb always had to be there for her afterward and clean up the mess whenever it went wrong. Sometimes, it didn't. Sometimes, it worked out. She wasn't sure about this time. This was different than anything she had done. What if Nancy got hurt?
"Well, if you're so worried about me, then why don't you come up here and make sure I stay out of trouble?" Nancy smirked.
That was how Barb found herself in Steve Harrington's bedroom.
"Oh my God! My eyes!" Barb exclaimed.
"Barb!" Nancy exclaimed.
"It's a crime! Plaid on plaid and then, of course, there's the sad little picture of that car," Barb said. "Who decorates their room like this?"
"My mother," Steve said as he entered. "Yeah, she has terrible taste. I didn't have the heart to tell her at first that it was awful. My dad tells her things like that all the time just make her feel bad, and I didn't want to do that. She figured it out, though, and I tried to insist that it wasn't that bad. I put up that car picture to try and pull the room together. I was trying desperately to make my mom feel good about herself, but all it did was make it look more sad. We both thought it was so utterly ridiculous, and we ended up laughing so hard. . .so I don't keep it up because I think it looks good, it's just. . ."
"You keep it up because you love your mother," Nancy said.
"Yeah, Steve Harrington is a mama's boy," Steve said.
"I think it's actually sweet now that I know the story behind it," Barb said. "Sorry."
"Nah, your intention wasn't to make me feel bad," Steve shrugged. "And it is shocking the first time you see it."
Damn it, Barb cursed mentally. She was starting to like this guy.
"It's not too bad," Barb said, and he smiled.
"Here. I found you some clothes," Steve said and handed them to Nancy. "I'll leave you to it."
Barb recognized the look in Nancy's eyes. She had seen it many times when they had sleepovers, and she wanted to forgo their pajamas completely.
"Steve," Nancy called out.
Yep, there she goes. Steve turned and ran his hands through his hair. Okay, that was kind of cute. Wait, cute? She didn't find him cute, did she? No, she was strictly into girls, wasn't she? Suddenly, Nancy was taking off her shirt. Steve looked pleasantly surprised at the turn of events and he smiled.
"You're beautiful," Steve said and then looked at Barb. "What's happening here?"
"Well, Barb is here to make sure I don't get into trouble," Nancy said, smirking. "To look out for me. . .be my guardian."
"Well, she's a very good friend," Steve said smiling, and he moved closer to them.
"She is. . .we do everything together, but if you're not okay with that - " Nancy said.
"Oh, I'm definitely okay with that," Steve said.
Steve kissed Nancy. He was a lot more gentle than Barb thought he would be. Every touch said that he didn't want to hurt Nancy. A warm feeling began to stir within Barb as Steve kissed Nancy gently. He broke the kiss, and he turned to Barb, raising a questioning eyebrow at her.
"Barb?" Nancy asked.
"Well, I guess we really do everything together," Barb said with a sigh, and then she kissed Steve.
She could feel Steve smiling against her lips, and a giggle slipped out at what she had said. Okay, yeah, she liked kissing Steve. Almost as much as she liked kissing Nancy. Maybe it didn't matter to her what was on the outside, maybe it was what on the inside that sparked her attraction. It wasn't until that tidbit about his mother that Barb started to feel something. Barb cupped the back of Steve's head and deepened the kiss and loved the way that Steve kissed her back just as softly as he did with Nancy. He wanted to make sure that they were both safe and comfortable. Steve broke the kiss.
"If you guys want to stop this at any time, I would be happy to just hang out," Steve said.
"That's sweet, Steve," Barb said. "But we definitely want to do this. Right, Nance?"
"Definitely," Nancy said.
Nancy took off Barb's glasses and set them on the nightstand. She moved to the to the other side of Steve. Together, Nancy and Barb peeled off Steve's sweater, dropping it to the floor. Barb took off her jacket and sweater, dropping them amongst their clothes.
"I hope you don't mind - ," Barb said shyly.
"You're beautiful, too," Steve said, and he kissed her before stepping back to let Nancy in.
"Of course, you're beautiful," Nancy said, and she kissed Barb.
"Well, I already know that you don't mind," Barb said, rolling her eyes affectionately. "Just making sure that Steve doesn't."
"Oh, so, you've already been together. . .?" Steve asked.
"Well, not all the way," Nancy said.
"To be honest, I've never done it with two other people at the same time," Steve said, bashfully.
"Really?" Nancy and Barb asked.
"Why are you so surprised?" Steve scoffed. "Because I've slept with a few women?"
"I'm sorry," Nancy said.
"I kind of assumed Tommy and Carol," Barb said, sheepishly.
"Well, I mean, they tried," Steve said and he screwed up his face. "I heard what they're like when they have sex. No thank you."
Barb giggled. He was just as judgmental as she was. As hard as she tried not to be, she could be a little catty.
"So, I guess this is the first for all of us," Barb said.
Steve was just as gentle with them when he was kissing them. Nancy and Barb couldn't help but share a look when Steve wanted to hold both of their hands. It was proven to be true that he thought they were both beautiful when they shed all of their clothing, and his eyes were just as dark when he looked at either one of them. Everything had fallen out of her head. All she could think about was Steve and Nancy. Barb had even forgotten to mention something to Steve. Oh, right.
"Oh, I forgot to mention that Nancy likes to - "
"OW!"
" - bite."
"Do it again."
It had started out awkward at first but once they found a rhythm, it felt beautiful to Barb to do this with both of them. Barb could tell that Steve was trying to hold off a long as possible but judging by the noise he made and the feeling between her legs, he had finished. He had satisfied them both pretty well, but Barb wasn't surprised when Steve rolled out of bed to clean himself off and throw away the condom and Nancy climbed on top of her. Nancy had kissed her harshly before sliding between her legs with her own, pressing herself up against her. She knew how randy Nancy could get. Even after all of that, she always wanted more. She loved being overstimulated.
When Steve came back, he had a rag and a couple of bottles of water. He got to watch them go all the way with each other, and Barb made eye contact with him when Nancy rolled off her, collapsing onto the bed. At some point, he had slipped his boxers back on. Steve climbed into the bed and cleaned them both off before offering them both a bottle of water. Nancy slipped on a sweater of Steve’s, kissed him, and went to the bathroom. Right, you were supposed to use the bathroom after you had sex? Barb had been a little too fucked out to think clearly but she remembered that much. Barb pulled on her sweater and underwear, hurrying after Nancy to do the same.
"How are you feeling?" Steve asked after they crawled back into bed.
"We feel really good," Barb said. "You didn't hurt us at all."
"Well, not in a bad way, anyway," Nancy smiled.
"I'm tired, but my brain feels like it's on fire at the same time," Barb said. "I'm glad I decided not to sit outside and pout while Nancy had all the fun."
"I'm glad you didn't either," Steve said and kissed her cheek, resting his head on her shoulder.
"So, what did you mean when you said that Tommy and Carol tried?" Barb asked.
"Well, they attempted to seduce me, but they had a video camera, so I don't think their intentions were all that pure," Steve said. "I turned them down."
"You know, you seem nicer than I thought you'd be. I think I assumed you would be an asshole because of Tommy and Carol," Barb said. "Why do you hang out with them?"
"I'm curious to know myself," Nancy said.
"Well, Tommy didn't used to be so bad, not until Carol came along. He was my friend since I was eight, and I just hope that at some point, he will turn back to the Tommy that I used to know. I just can't seem to walk away from that," Steve said, and he paused, cursing. "Oh my God! I'm my mom!"
"What?" Nancy asked.
"No, my mom definitely deserves better, and she knows that, but she can't seem to walk away from my asshole of a father," Steve said, and then he scoffed. "I'm a kid that wants his parents to get a divorced."
"You're not alone with that," Nancy said as she ran her hand through his hair. "I want my parents to get divorced, too. I love them both, but I think they're just holding onto something that's never been there."
"I'm sorry," Steve said.
"I'm sorry, too," Nancy said.
"You know, my father expects a lot from me. He wants what's best for the image on his family, not what's best for me. It's the complete opposite of my mother," Steve sighed. "I'm tired of trying to be perfect all the time."
"Maybe you don't have to be with us," Barb said. "What do you say, Nancy? Should we keep him?"
"Oh, definitely," Nancy said.
"You know, now that you belong to us," Barb said, and Steve smirked. "Whatever decision you make about Tommy and Carol, we'll support it even if it's the stupid decision to stay with them."
"Thanks," Steve said fondly.
Nancy pushed him back, kissed him, and curled up against him. Barb laid down, kissed him as well, and threw an arm over the both of them.
"We should probably call our parents and tell them we're spending the night at each other's houses," Barb said.
"Oh, right, good idea!" Nancy exclaimed.
After calling their parents, they crawled back into bed and started to drift off to sleep.
BANG!
"What the hell was that?" Steve asked, sitting up.
"It sounded like it came from outside," Nancy said.
Barb, who was closer to the window, rolled out of bed and looked out onto the pool in the backyard. There was a rather large, deformed looking animal banging out the lawn chairs by the pool. It was sniffing rather frantically as though it was looking for something.
"What the fuck is that?" Barb gasped and grabbed her glasses, putting them on. "FUCK!"
Steve and Nancy rushed to the window. The deformed looking animal looked up, revealing that it didn't have a face. It wasn't an animal that Barb had ever seen before. Steve and Nancy gasped as it's face opened up, revealing several rows of teeth.
"Shit!" Steve exclaimed.
The monster rolled out its tongue and started lapping up something on the concrete.
"What's it doing?" Nancy whispered.
That was where Barb had been standing when she sliced her thumb with the knife. She glanced down at her hand.
"Licking my blood," Barb said. "It's hungry."
The monster stopped what it was doing and sniffed the air. Its head snapped in their direction, almost as if it heard Barb. She quickly yanked them both down under the window and grabbed their hands in hers. The only sound they could hear was their own shaky breathing. It seemed like forever had passed but really it had only been minutes when they heard a loud splashing sound and a screech. Nancy peered over the windowsill.
"Nance!" Barb hissed.
"It fell into the pool," Nancy whispered. "It doesn't not like it. It's burning its skin. It must be the chlorine. It's out, it's running away."
There was a pregnant pause as Steve and Barb looked out the window with Nancy.
"It's gone," Steve whispered. "Yeah, I'm not fucking sleeping tonight."
"Me neither," Barb and Nancy said.
Barb struggled to find anything to say or to think about other than the monster. There was one fact that Barb couldn't get out of her head, and it was the stupidest thing in the world to think about.
"If I had been out there, it would have gotten me," Barb breathed out shakily.
"But it didn't, you're here," Nancy said and squeezing her hand.
"Fucking you and Steve saved my life," Barb said.
She looked at Steve and together, they burst into laughter. Nancy eventually followed suite.
"That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard!" Nancy exclaimed.
"I know, but it's true!" Barb giggled.
Once the laughter died down, the horror of what just happened continued to hover over them. They said that they wouldn't fall asleep but the three of them ended up falling asleep, curled up on the floor.
BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!
Barb, Steve, and Nancy woke up with a jolt to the sound of Steve’s alarm clock. They jumped up, ready to fight. Barb groaned and rubbed her back.
"Yeah, falling asleep on the floor was a terrible accident," Barb said.
"Did that really happen last night?" Steve asked as he rubbed Barb's back.
"Yes, you did get to see the amazing secrets that I hold underneath my sweater," Barb said.
"No, not that," Steve snorted. "No. . .I mean. . .the monster. . . "
"Yeah," Barb said softly. "That was real."
"Well, going to the police seems stupid. I doubt they would believe us about what we saw," Nancy said.
"Okay, but shouldn't we tell someone?" Barb asked.
"Who would we tell?" Steve asked.
"I think our only option is to go to school and just act like nothing is wrong until we can come up with a plan," Nancy said. "We need proof."
Barb dropped Nancy off at home and then back to hers so they could get ready. The image of the monster floated into her head, and she couldn't get the fact that she could have died out it. Somehow, at the same time, she was also wondering where she stood with Steve and Nancy. Everything changed that night. Nancy and Barb could no longer deny that there was something between them. They always played it off as practicing but now that they went all the way with each other and also with Steve. Does that mean that Steve is her boyfriend and Nancy was her girlfriend? She couldn't help but giggle at the thought. She always figured that she would never have a boyfriend but now, maybe, she did. It was Steve Harrington of all people.
"Hey," Nancy said shyly as she slid into her car.
After getting ready, she went to pick Nancy up again. The car ride was silent until Nancy told her to stop.
"Nancy, what - "
She was cut off by Nancy kissing her. Barb was surprised for a moment, but she eagerly kissed her back. God, she wanted to pull her into her lap, and just - Nancy pulled away with a gasp.
"I just wanted to make sure that no one saw us," Nancy said.
Barb smiled at her as she took her hand and drove off. They ended up parking behind Eddie Munson's van, and a few minutes later, Steve found them. He made sure no one was watching before popping his head through the window to give Barb a kiss and then Nancy before letting them get out of the car. Steve shoved his hands in his pockets.
"I ditched Tommy and Carol," he said.
"Really?" Barb asked.
"Well, life is too short for me to be dragged down by those two idiots. I found something better for me, I think," Steve said. "Honestly, after what happened last night, it seems dumb to worry about popularity and all that when there's a monster out there."
"Well, it's good you got some perspective," Barb said. "And honestly, you're not the only one who's ever worried about that shit. There was a small part of me who wished that some of those people would acknowledge me a little."
"Really?" Steve and Nancy asked.
"Don't be so surprised," Barb said. "Come on, I don't want to be late for class."
"Great, and during lunch, we can talk about what to do about the monster with a flower for a head and teeth like a shark," Steve said. "Can't believe those words came out of my mouth."
"Well, it hates chlorine. That's one thing we know about it," Barb said.
As the three of them walked away, a confused Eddie Munson popped his head out of his van.
"Did Steve Harrington give up his crown to play D&D?" Eddie asked. "What the fuck kind of monster is he talking about? No, no, I'm hearing things again."
It was a tame sort of day compared to last night. It was still sort of an out of body experience to be hanging out with Steve knowing what they did. It made Barb blush when Steve and Nancy thought about it, too, sending her soft, knowing smiles her way. Tommy and Carol were petty bitches, trying to get under their skin all day but they ignored them. . .for the most part.
"So, Wheeler," Tommy said, slamming his hands onto the cafeteria table. "What is your ideal of a perfect date?"
"Watching you get hit by a bus," Nancy said.
Barb and Steve nearly choked on their milk. They cleared their throats, looking amused as Tommy's face started to turn different shades of red. Carol glared at her.
"How pathetic - ," Tommy started to say.
"I don't know, Tommy, how pathetic are you?" Barb asked. "I mean, I assume that's what you were going to say considering that you are being pathetic."
"You little - "
"Don't you finish that sentence," Nancy glared at him.
"You think you're so much better than us, but considering how easy it was to spread your legs for Stevie here last night, you're not really," Carol told Nancy.
"At least we actually like Steve. Do you even like spending time with him or listening to anything he has to say, or do you just like what he does for your image?" Barbara asked. "You can't stand on your own, so you use Steve like a crutch."
"Steve doesn't need you, but you need Steve," Nancy said. "And now that Steve doesn't want anything to do with you, you think that you can come over here and try to fuck with us until we leave."
"Well, we're not fucking leaving so find someone else's ass to bury your nose in," Barb said.
"Whatever," Tommy said. "Stevie-boy, running away like a fucking coward like always. You can't even stand up for yourself. You have to have these ugly bitches to protect you. You're not going to find anything better than us, and when you eventually get bored with them, we're not going to be here to save your sorry ass."
"They're better than you'll ever be, and if you think I'm ashamed of them fighting for me, then you're as stupid as you look. I know what it's like for people to really have your back, to care. . .one day, you're going to wake up and realize that you've cared about all the wrong things. You're going to look even more pathetic and stupid than you do right now. You'll be as ugly on the outside as you are on the inside. You'll look in the mirror and realize that you had your chance but you fucked it up. I'm tired of waiting for you to be the old Tommy that I used to know, the one who actually gave a damn. Being friends with these two, I have better odds at not hating myself in the future than you do. What are your odds, Tommy?" Steve snapped.
Tommy scowled at him, his face bright red, and angry tears filled his eyes. He didn't have anything else left to say, so he stormed off, dragging Carol with him.
"That was hot," Barb said.
"That really was," Nancy agreed.
They nudged their feet with Steve’s and he smiled at them.
"You two weren't so bad yourselves," Steve grinned, and the smile slipped from his face. "I don't really feel like going to the game this afternoon. I don't know if I can go home either knowing what might be waiting for me."
"Well, maybe we can go over to my house this evening. My brother could use some company. And if you're scared of going home, maybe Mom will let me keep you in my basement," Nancy joked.
"I always did like the idea of being a kept man," Steve said.
"Eddie Munson is staring at you," Barb said.
"Probably wondering how I got so lucky with you two," Steve said with a charming smile.
"No need to strain yourself, Steve," Barb teased. "You've got us."
They moved on to discussing what they were going to do about the monster and whether or not it wasn't just a shared delusion between them. It was decided that it wasn't. The rest of the day moved rather quickly, still without a plan for the creature that haunted all of them. When the end of the day came, they moved sluggishly out into the parking lot. All three of them were exhausted from not getting much sleep last night. They almost didn't notice Nicole approaching them.
"Nancy, Barb, I'm so glad I found you," Nicole said. "I want you to know, first off, that I'm not going to say anything. I have a cousin who's like that, and I would never say a word."
"What are you talking about?" Nancy asked.
"Were you aware that Jonathan Byers was at your house last night?" Nicole asked Steve.
"What? No," Steve said.
"Well, I went into the dark room, and Jonathan was developing photos of your house. You and Tommy were in the pool with Carol and Nancy. Then there was a picture taken of your bedroom. Nancy was taking off her shirt, and so was Barb. You were kissing."
Barb felt her stomach plummet. Her worst nightmare and Nancy's. Well, one of them, anyway. Fuck. Normally, she wouldn't care about what others think, but this was different. If this got out, it could be dangerous for her and Nancy.
"Son of a bitch!" Steve yelled and then he sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Thanks for telling us, Nicole."
Barb turned to Nancy, who was quiet, her eyes downcast as she crossed her arms over her chest. She was clearly uncomfortable by the thought of what Jonathan did and Barb hated him for it.
"Yeah, thank you, Nicole. We'll take care of it," Barb said.
Nicole smiled sympathetically at Nancy and walked away.
"You know how many times I defended Jonathan to Tommy whenever they had something shitty to say about Jonathan and his family?" Steve asked, his jaw clenched.
"Yeah, I figured that out when you told Tommy off yesterday when he was saying all that shit about his missing brother," Barb said and then muttered, "I thought he was a nice guy."
"Okay, one problem at a time!" Nancy exclaimed, and then she paused. "Wait, the photos. . . What else do you think he got a picture of?"
"I don't know. . .Tommy and Carol going at it in my parents' bed?" Steve asked.
"No, think again," Nancy said.
"The monster!" Barb and Steve gasped.
"Let's go find the creep," Nancy said.
It didn't long to find him making his way to his car. He looked startled to see all three of them together.
"Where are the pictures you took last night?" Nancy asked, her arms still crossed.
Barb knew how much Steve wanted to step in. She wanted to as well, but she felt like Nancy needed to handle this herself. She took his hand, squeezing it affectionately. God, his hands were huge. Suddenly, she recalled the way they squeezed her thighs last night. Right, focus.
"What photos?" Jonathan asked, his face turning a paler shade of white.
"You know exactly what photos that I am talking about, asshole," Nancy spat.
Nancy had that fire still inside her from earlier, and she was using it now.
"I didn't - " Jonathan stuttered as he held his bag closer to him.
Before Jonathan knew it, Nancy had yanked the bag from him. She rifled through it and pulled out the photos victoriously. Nancy shoved the bag at him and started looking through the pictures. Barb peered over her should and paled at the sight of herself shirtless as she kissed Nancy. Now, she was uncomfortable. She felt Steve squeeze her hand.
"I - I was looking for my brother," Jonathan stuttered.
"No, this is called stalking," Steve said, looking at him in disbelief.
"I'm sure that it started out like that," Barb scoffed at Jonathan.
"Do you know how stupid it was that you developed these on school property? I mean, you could have locked the fucking door or something?!" Nancy asked furiously. "What would have happened if this had gotten out?"
Barb suddenly realized what Nancy was doing. She was protecting Barb this time instead of the other way around.
"I didn't think about that," Jonathan said.
"Clearly," Nancy scoffed.
"I just thought it was a good picture," he said meekly. "There was this girl who was trying to be someone else."
"That's bullshit!" Nancy and Barb exclaimed.
"You know, I thought that once, too. I thought Nancy was trying to be someone she wasn't. I realized that I was wrong. The simple fact is that she wanted to sleep with Steve, and eventually, I realized that I wanted to as well. I realized how exciting it was to explore a side of yourself that you didn't know was there. There's nothing artistic about the pictures that you took. You fucked up so you're trying to say anything to make you feel better about what you did. Steve didn't make us do anything that we didn't want to," Barb said. "I thought you were the kind of guy who would never do something like this."
"I'm sorry," Jonathan said.
"Well, I'm taking these photos," Nancy said and paused before snatching his camera as well. "I'm also taking this, and I will think about giving it back to you when I feel like you earned it."
"You want me to write an essay, too?" Jonathan scoffed.
"Come to think, yeah, you definitely should," Barb said. "Write until your fingers bleed. I want an in-depth analysis of why you thought it was okay to do that. . .I mean, after you find your brother safe and sound because I do get that you're going through something."
The three of them walked back to Barb's car with the camera and the photos in Nancy's hand.
"God, I wanted to smash his camera," Steve said.
"Yeah, so did I. Do you think he understands how close he came to outing us?" Barb asked.
"I mean, he did out us, but thankfully, Nicole is a decent person," Nancy said. "And I kind of wanted to smash it, too."
"Do you think we should tell him we're probably not going to bring the photos to the police?" Barb asked. "His mother has been through enough."
"Nah, let him sweat and think we are," Steve said grinning.
"Thank you for letting us handle that," Nancy said to Steve.
"Well, I thought about what Barb said about supporting my decision with Tommy and Carol. . .thought maybe I should do the same," Steve said, blushing.
"Oh, you're cute," Barb said.
"Yeah, how cute am I?" Steve asked.
"Get in the car, and I'll show you how cute I think you are," Barb said.
"Really?" Nancy asked, smiling at the two of them.
"Totally your fault, Nance, you showed me a new side of myself, and I like it," Barb said. "I like Steve."
"I like you, too," Steve said.
"Okay, well, let's focus on the photos," Nancy said and slapped the photo on the hood of Barb's car. "We got our proof."
There, in the photo, was the monster sniffing around the lawn chairs. It was hard to tell from the photo that Jonathan clearly accidentally took, but it was there.
"So, now, what?" Steve asked.
"Go home, and come up with a plan," Nancy said.
They jumped when they heard someone approaching them, and they whirled around, covering the photo. It was just Eddie Munson.
"We're not doing anything illegal!" Steve blurted out.
"Right," Eddie grinned. "I'm not a cop, you know."
"Obviously," Steve scoffed.
"Or maybe I am. Might be an undercover cop," Eddie said, twirling his keys in his hand. "Might have to arrest you on suspicion alone."
"Yeah, good luck with that," Steve replied. "And I might have believed that if I didn't remember you from middle school and just so you know, I'm really good at getting myself out of cuffs."
"Yeah, I bet you are, big boy," Eddie said, winking, got into his van, and drove off.
Barb and Nancy looked at Steve, scoffing.
"Really?"
"What?" Steve asked.
"Flirting with someone else right in front of us," Barb said.
"Classy, Steve," Nancy said.
"What? No! He means nothing to me!" Steve exclaimed. "And I didn't even know I was flirting with him! . . . You guys are messing with me, aren't you?"
Nancy and Barb giggled as they got into her car.
"Classy!"
Steve pulled up behind Barb in Nancy's driveway and followed after them into the house. Mrs. Wheeler greeted them at the door, chasing after Holly.
"Oh, hey, Barb, does your parents know you're here?" Mrs. Wheeler asked.
"I let them know before we left school," Barb said.
"And who is this?" Karen asked.
"Larry!" Holly exclaimed, hugging her leg.
"Oh, honey, I'm sure he came with his own name," Karen said. "He's not a stray cat."
"I'm Steve Harrington," he smiled. "But Holly can call me whatever she wants to."
"Larry!" She yelled. "I like your hair."
"I like yours, too," Steve said.
Holly giggled and ran off towards her room.
"Steve, is it?" Mrs. Wheeler asked. "Hm, that name sounds familiar."
"I'm sorry, mom," Nancy said. "I totally lied to you. Steve is my boyfriend. We just started dating, I didn't want to freak him out by introducing him to you so soon."
"You've got amazing daughters, Mrs. Wheeler," Steve said. "And Nancy's been treating me really great. Very respectful. I like her a lot."
"We like her too," Mrs. Wheeler said. "Well, sometimes."
"Mom!" Nancy exclaimed.
"Nancy, you didn't tell me your mom was so funny!" Steve laughed.
"She likes to think she is," Nancy muttered.
"No, Mrs. Wheeler is definitely hilarious," Barb said.
"Thank you, Barbara," Mrs. Wheeler said.
"They offered to help me study, I'm having difficulty in Chemistry," Steve said.
"Oh, well, you definitely came to the right people," Mrs. Wheeler said. "Do your parents know where you are?"
"Well, uh, my parents are out of town," Steve said. "I couldn't get a hold of them earlier."
"And is anyone staying with you?" Mrs. Wheeler asked with a frown.
"Just me," Steve said.
"Give me their number, I'll call them," Mrs. Wheeler said. "I'll also call Claudia Henderson and see if she'll be happy to take you in. I'm sure she will be."
Barb knew that look. It was the same determined look that Nancy had. She tried not to laugh when Steve immediately gave her the number. Nancy rolled her eyes at Steve's dumbfounded look before dragging them upstairs.
"What is she going to say to parents?" Steve asked.
"You probably don't want to know," Barb replied.
Steve threw himself onto Nancy's bed and grabbed the teddy bear on her bed, holding it to his chest.
"You really like that bear," Nancy said as she closed her door.
"It reminds me of the one I used to have. My grandfather gave it to me," Steve said.
"You don't have it anymore?" Barb asked.
"Nah, my dad gave it away because he said I was too old for it," Steve said.
"The more I hear about your dad. . .," Barb trailed off.
"The more you want to smash his camera?" Steve asked and Barb laughed.
She crawled onto the bed and leaned her back against the headboard. She pulled Steve to her chest and Steve sighed happily as he snuggled into her. Nancy laid down next to Barb.
"Okay, what's our plan?" Nancy asked.
"I don't know, I can't really think right now," Steve said. "I'm suddenly very sleepy."
"Well, we didn't get very much sleep last night," Barb smirked.
"We definitely didn't," Steve said.
"We have to come up with a plan, there's a monster out there," Nancy said. "We need to keep ourselves awake."
"I thought I was a lesbian," Barb said. "Until last night. Kind of thought Nancy was too."
"I thought I was too," Nancy giggled.
"Maybe we are lesbians but we're also stevesexual," Barb said.
"Oh, you're definitely stevesexual," Steve replied.
"That is NOT a word," Nancy laughed.
"Newsflash, Nance, all words are made up," Barb replied. "Lesbians existed before the word existed."
"You're definitely tired, Barbara," Nancy replied.
"No, no, she's onto something. I mean, you can call yourself anything," Steve said.
"I could call myself a pineapple if I wanted to," Barb teased.
"You can't!" Nancy giggled.
"Why the hell not?" Barb asked.
"Because I hate pineapples and I definitely don't hate you," she said.
"Hm, I guess I can't call myself a pineapple," Barb said and kissed Nancy. "I guess I only care about what's on the inside."
"Me too," Nancy said.
"You both have sexy hearts," Barb said, yawning.
"Yeah, we definitely need a nap," Nancy said.
"A real nap?" Steve asked.
"Yeah, a real nap, Steven."
When they woke up, it was dark outside, and Nancy's bedroom door was wide open. Mrs. Wheeler had been in here. The three of them wandered downstairs to find Mrs. Wheeler standing in the entryway, hugging Mike as he cried.
"Mom? Did they find Will?" Nancy asked and Mike's sobs grew louder.
The next morning was a somber affair, and the three of them stood in the parking lot before school once again.
"I had hoped that they wouldn't have found him like that," Barb said.
"Yeah, me too," Steve said.
"I should have stayed, but Mike insisted that he was fine and that I should go to school," Nancy said. "I feel weird being here knowing how upset he is."
"Well, you want to skip, and we can go check on him?" Steve asked.
"That's a sweet offer, but I want to respect his space, too," Nancy said. "He'll come to me if he needs me. I let him know that I'll be there for him when he's ready."
"I never know what to say in situations like this. Everything feels like it's - " Steve started to say.
"Like it's not enough?" Barb asked.
"Yeah," Nancy said.
"Didn't your dad offer to do the same thing?" Barb asked.
"He did, according to mom. He's still dad," Nancy smiled.
"What does that mean?" Steve asked.
"Lately, he's been stuck in his chair and a lot more lethargic. I'm worried that he might have a tumor or something," Nancy said.
"Or maybe he's having a hard time at work," Barb suggested.
"Maybe," Nancy sighed. "So this monster. . .I'm starting to think that it might have something to do with Will's disappearance. I know they said he fell into the quarry, and maybe he did. . .or maybe he was chased into the quarry by something."
"Like the monster, you mean?" Steve asked.
"Yeah," Nancy said.
"Yeah, I can see that," Steve said. "I don't see us approaching Will's mom about this so. . ."
"That leaves Jonathan," Barb said, rolling her eyes. "This is so going to be so awkward. So, Steve, how was it staying with the Hendersons?"
"Well, Claudia is amazing. Dustin's a little shit but somehow, at the same time, it's endearing," Steve said, his face scrunched up in confusion.
"Congratulations, Steve, you just got yourself a bouncing baby brother," Nancy said. "It's both wonderful and stressful at the same time. You're going to love it."
When they did find Jonathan, he was picking out caskets for his brother. So, yeah, it's very awkward. She still hated him for what he did, but she was a big enough person to also feel sympathy for the situation that he was in. They pulled him into the entryway where Nancy showed him a picture of the monster.
"I thought my mom was crazy," Jonathan said. "She kept going on about a monster without a face, a monster in the walls, and I - I didn't believe her."
"You didn't know," Nancy said softly.
"All three of you saw it?" Jonathan asked.
"Yeah, it was definitely gunning for Barb's blood," Steve said.
"Well, that's disturbing," Jonathan said.
Barb bit back a retort. He would know what's disturbing, wouldn't he?
"Okay, so, what do we do? Do we tell someone or try to kill it ourselves?" Barb asked.
"How would we kill it?" Jonathan asked. "We don't have anything. I mean, my dad has a Smith & Wesson."
"Well, we know Chlorine hurts the fucker. Fire generally kills most things," Barb said.
"I don't know if I can do this right now," Jonathan muttered.
"Well, that's understandable," Nancy said. "We can figure it out later."
"Do you mind - ?" Jonathan asked.
"Of course. Just let us know if you need anything," Nancy said.
"Thanks," Jonathan said. "I can do this by myself."
Nancy squeezed his arm and exited the funeral home with her partners.
"You're amazing, you know that?" Steve said to Nancy. "Even after everything he's done, you're still willing to help him."
"It's nothing," Nancy said, bashfully.
"You're a bigger person than I am," Barb grinned. "You and that sexy heart of yours."
"Okay, so, after the funeral tomorrow we gather the supplies and we hunt this fucker down," Nancy said. "Hopefully, we can get the gun from Jonathan."
"You're really determined to take this monster down," Barb said.
"It came after my brother's friend, and then it tried to come after you," Nancy said. "I want to kill it."
"I love you," Barb said.
The next day, Barb was getting dressed for Will's funeral when her mother entered her bedroom.
"So, you and Nancy have been hanging out with Steve Harrington lately," her mother said.
"Where are you going with this, mom?" Barb asked.
"Well, you've complained a lot about him in the past," she said.
"Turns out Tommy and Carol were the assholes," Barb said. "I made a snap judgment of him. He wasn't who I thought he was. . .in a good way, though."
"Well, we all sort of do it," she said.
"He dumped his supposed friends for us," Barb beamed.
"Well, I'm glad," she said.
"Okay, mom, what's this all about?" Barb asked.
"You know you can talk to us about anything, right?" She asked. "We'll always love you, no matter what. I'm not trying to push you into talking about anything. I just want you to know we're here for you whenever you're ready."
"Okay, mom, what do you know?" Barb asked.
"What? Me? I don't know anything," she said innocently.
"Mom! Do you know about me, Steve, and Nancy?" Barb asked.
"Oh, well, yes," She said.
"It's only been like three days!" Barb exclaimed.
"And you were very obvious, dear," she said. "With the way you talked about them. We've known about you and Nancy even longer, and we were alright with it. I mean, we figured you girls would share everything, although we never expected an entire person."
"So, what? Like half a person, then?" Barb asked sarcastically.
"Barbara!" She chuckled.
"Why are you saying this now?" Barb asked.
"Well, we wanted to wait and give you time to come to us on your own, but with Will dying. . .you never know how much time you have left with your children. We both wanted you to feel accepted," She said.
"Oh, mommy," she said softly. "I love you so much. . .where's dad?"
"I promised myself I wouldn't cry!" Her father's voice floated in from the hallway.
"He started crying before we even came in here," she said. "He loves you so much."
"This was supposed to be all about you, I did not want to make it about myself again!" Her father sobbed.
"Daddy, get in here!" Barb laughed.
Her father shuffled in, his face red from crying. She smiled and hugged her father tightly. God, she had the best parents in the world. Her mother clapped and quickly joined the hug. She shouldn't be this happy going to a funeral, especially for a kid. She couldn't help but smile at the sight of the Steve and Nancy. She quickly made herself look sad, though, as she stood beside them. She looked at Joyce and Jonathan. God, they looked so heartbroken. . .so lost. Joyce was glaring at the casket as if she didn't believe what was in there. Maybe it wasn't Will. Maybe somehow he was still alive somewhere, maybe it was a fake body lying in that coffin. Barb wanted it to he true for Joyce's sake.
"I want to kill it," Jonathan said.
They had gathered together after the funeral to talk about what they were going to do. Nancy had brought a map to look to track where the monster might be going.
"Are you sure?" Nancy asked.
"Yes," Jonathan said.
"What about your mom?" Barb asked.
"I'll tell her after this thing is dead," Jonathan said.
After the funeral, they all got dressed and ran off to gather more supplies. Jonathan had managed to steal his father's gun, but they still needed a bigger arsenal. Nancy managed to bring her bat from home, and Barb managed to swipe a couple of knives from her mother's collection.
"Your mother likes knives?" Steve asked Barb.
"Oh, yeah," Nancy laughed. "It's impressive, actually."
"So, you better not break my heart or Nancy's," Barb whispered.
"Noted," Steve laughed, and they moved through the aisle. "So, why aren't we telling an adult about this again?"
"My mom's not in the right headspace," Jonathan said.
"Are you in the right headspace?" Steve asked.
"I have to be," Jonathan said.
"Hm, I've had Dustin Henderson as a sort of brother for like five seconds, but I think I'd kill for him," Steve said. "I don't what it's like to have a brother, though I've always wanted one. I can imagine that it must be nice."
"How come you don't have a brother?" Jonathan asked.
"I asked my dad that once when I was like eight, and he said my gigantic head ruined my mother for him," Steve said.
"Jesus," Jonathan said.
"Yeah, I mean, it's not that big," Steve said.
"I'm talking about your dad. What an asshole," Jonathan said.
"Yeah, I never got why she's still with him," Steve said.
"Never really understood why my mom stayed with my dad for so long either," Jonathan said. "She's always said that sometimes good things come out of bad situations."
"Like you and your brother?" Steve asked.
"Oh, yeah, I guess she was talking about us," Jonathan said.
Barbara smiled at them, glad that Steve was making a better friend in Jonathan who actually seemed genuinely sorry that he took those photos. Still, he had a lot to prove. Once they got to the counter, the guy there looked at them funny.
"What are you guys planning to do with all this?" He asked.
"Monster hunting," Nancy replied.
Luckily, the guy thought it was a joke. . .or he really didn't want to know. Either way, they managed to get out of there without any more questions and quickly loaded it in the back of Steve’s car.
"It's weird. Just a few days ago, Barb and I were shopping to find a sweater that I thought that Steve would like," Nancy said.
"Really?" Steve asked.
"Oh, I told her that you probably wouldn't care," Barb said.
"Anything purple or pink, really," Steve said, and they looked at him. "It just seems like it's your favorite color. You like beam more when you wear them."
"Blue's one of my favorites, too," Nancy replied.
"So, what's the weirdest part about all of this? The monster hunting or hanging out with me?" Jonathan asked.
"Oh, definitely, you," Nancy, Barb, and Steve all laughed.
Jonathan was about to reply when someone drove by and stuck their head out the window to yell at them.
"Hey, Nance, I can't wait to see your movie!" And they didn't wait for a response.
"What the hell?" Steve asked.
They followed Nancy to the Hawk. Spray painted on the theater under "All the Right Moves" were the words written in spray paint: starring Nancy "the slut" Wheeler.
"Oh, someone's going to be dead," Barb scowled. "Or at least they wish they were."
They followed the sound of spray paints and laughter to the alleyway beside the theater. Of course, it was Tommy and Carol.
"Hey, assholes!" Steve yelled.
Things did not get better after that. Nancy slapped Tommy, Tommy said words to both Jonathan and Steve while Barb yelled at Carol for words she said about Nancy. Jonathan had thrown the first punch at Tommy, who swung back and knocked him on his ass before turning on Steve. He had Steve on the ground, who fought well, but Tommy fought harder. He kept hitting Steve even when Steve could barely get a word in. Nancy and Barb screamed, trying to get Tommy off of Steve. Jonathan managed to get back up and pulled Tommy off of Steve. He hit him and kept hitting him until Tommy was the one on his back. Jonathan didn't even notice that the cops had shown up, and he accidentally hit one. That's how they all ended up at the police station.
"Steve, are you sure you don't want to go to the hospital?" Barb asked as she held ice to his eye.
"I'm fine, really," Steve said. "I just want to make sure that Jonathan doesn't go to jail."
"Thanks, man, but you don't have to do that," Jonathan said.
"Nah, I'm good," Steve said. "Really."
"That lady doesn't know what she's talking about," Nancy told Jonathan as she did the same with his eye.
"Yeah, you punched the douche because he was insulting your family," Steve said, and then he frowned. "I wonder if that would have been me, you know, if things hadn't changed, you know, if I hadn't walked away from them. . ."
"You can't think of the what ifs, Steve," Barb said. "They'll eat you alive, but you would have gotten there eventually, and you wouldn't have been nearly as cruel as Tommy."
"I do have to admit that you're a good guy," Jonathan mumbled.
"Coming from Jonathan Byers, that's a compliment," Steve smiled. "I think, anyway. . .you're not entirely bad yourself."
"I really am sorry about the photos, you know, and my reaction to taking them. . .there's really no excuse," Jonathan said.
"Well, you really proved yourself back there," Nancy said.
"You totally did," Barb said.
"Saved my ass, man," Steve said.
"Does that mean that I'll get my camera back?" He asked.
"You still have an essay to write," Nancy said.
"You're serious about that?" He asked.
"Oh, yeah," Barb and Nancy said, giggling.
"Why is my son in cuffs?!" They heard Joyce Byers yell. "Take them off!"
"He assaulted a police officer, ma'am," Callahan said.
"Take them off! Now!" Joyce yelled at them, Chief Hopper coming in behind her.
"You heard her, take them off," Hopper said.
Callahan sighed and took the cuffs off of Jonathan.
"There's something you should see, Chief," Powell said.
Barb shared a look with the others. Shit, they were going to look in the trunk. Powell led Hopper outside, and a moment later, they came back, looking even more serious.
"Care to explain why you have all of that?" Hopper asked Jonathan.
"You won't believe us," he said.
"Why don't you give us a try?" Hopper asked.
Barb, Steve, Nancy, and Jonathan squeezed into the chief's office, away from prying eyes. Hopper was looking at the photo of the monster.
"And this thing is drawn to blood?" Hopper asked.
"Well, that's the theory," Nancy said. "Not really a theory, I guess, because it smelled Barb's blood and tried to go after her. It would have, too, if it hadn't fallen into the pool."
"And if I hadn't been hanging out with Steve and Nancy inside," Barb said.
"Is this the only photo?" Hopper asked.
"The only photo of the monster," Nancy replied as she shoved Jonathan's camera and the other photos into her bag.
"Why does Nancy have your camera?" Joyce asked.
"I'm letting her borrow it for a school project," Jonathan said, blushing, and Joyce looked at him doubtfully.
"Let's go talk in the hallway," Joyce said and pulled him out of the room.
"You do realize that it was unbelievable dangerous to try and go after this thing by yourselves?" Hopper asked.
"Yeah, we always knew that, but it didn't seem like anyone was trying to stop this thing, and honestly, I wanted to get it before it got me or anyone else I cared about," Barb said.
"I definitely wasn't going to let it get Barb," Nancy said.
"Me neither. . .also, there is no way that I was going to be able to sleep in that empty house with that thing on the loose," Steve said.
"Empty? Where are your parents?" Hopper asked.
"Oh, out of town," Steve said.
"Did they say when they'll be back?" He asked.
"I don't know. That kind of depends on whether my dad cheats on my mom again," Steve said. "If he does, they usually stay longer."
"Are you expecting a call from them anytime soon?" Hopper asked.
"When they can remember to, they'll call, so no," Steve said, and Hopper clenched his fists. "Did I say something wrong?"
Hopper sighed, unclenched his fists, and squeezed Steve’s shoulders gently.
"No, kid, you didn't," Hopper said.
"We should definitely make you staying with Claudia a permanent thing," Nancy said.
"I'm definitely going to look into that," Hopper said.
"Shouldn't we be focusing on the monster?" Steve asked, blushing.
It wasn't hard to figure out that the girl with the powers that Joyce and Hopper had been looking for was with Nancy's brother and his friends. When they showed up to Nancy's house, there were tons of vans parked out front and people in suits searching the place. Nancy moved towards her house, but Barb and Steve grabbed her hands.
"That's my house!" Nancy exclaimed.
"They haven't found him yet," Steve said.
"That's true. Look, Nance," Barb said, pointing at the helicopters. "They're still looking for him.
"They're right," Hopper said.
"All that's for Mike?" Nancy asked, stunned.
"Do you have any idea where they might go?" Joyce asked them.
"No," Jonathan said. "But I know how we might find out."
Barb and Nancy went with Steve in his car while Jonathan went off with his parents. Jonathan might as well call Hopper his dad, Barb thought. Jonathan looked at Hopper like he was the first man who came through for him in his entire life, and he was doing it all to help his family. It was a shock when they showed up to the Byer home to find it a complete mess with a hole in the wall and Christmas lights hanging from the ceiling. Joyce had been really desperate to find her son. Not that Barb had blamed her, considering the lengths that Nancy was going to in order to keep her safe. They managed to make contact with the kids, and the rest of them stayed behind while Hopper went to pick up the kids. When they finally returned, night had fallen. Barb watched with a smile as Nancy ran out to greet her brother.
"Steve!" Dustin exclaimed and ran to him, hugging him as tightly as Nancy hugged Mike.
"Looks like someone made an impression," Barb teased Steve and then turned to Dustin. "And if you're lucky, you might get to keep him."
"Cool! I always wanted an older brother! What happened to your face?" Dustin asked.
"My former friend Tommy didn't like that I started hanging out with people who are cooler than he is," Steve said.
"What a mouth breather," Dustin scowled.
"You said it," Steve grinned and placed his hand on his head. "Glad you're okay."
They all moved into the house where the boys explained to them about the Upside Down and how El was able to get a glimpse into the other world with her powers. It angered Barb to no end that this girl had been raised in a lab her entire life and experimented on. That was the only life she had ever known, and she had been taken from her mother in order to be turned into a weapon. As a babysitter and a human being, she couldn't understand how people could do that. . .use children as a weapon for their own cruel reasons. The difference here, with them using El, was that they made sure El knew what she was getting into and that it was her choice to do this. It was how they ended up at the middle school, preparing a homemade deprivation tank for El's power.
"It's crazy what you kids went through," Steve said to Mike as he went with him, Nancy, and Barb to grab the hoses. "I would have been terrified. How high does your IQ have to be to have outrun those suits?"
"It was a group effort," Mike shrugged.
"No, you're definitely smart," Barb said. "But you also got lucky like we did. We could have definitely used you on our team."
Barb could feel Nancy smiling at both her and Steve. She just wanted to let Mike know that he should probably contact them next time without telling out right that he needed a babysitter.
"I thought you hated Steve, Barb," Mike said.
"Well, I just didn't know him," Barb said. "Plus, there's nothing like a nine foot tall monster with a flower face to really bring you together."
And there really wasn't. Oh, she wished Mike wasn't looking so she could kiss both Steve and Nancy. Nancy picked up a rock and smashed open the lock to the shed. Using a wheelbarrow, they pushed the hoses up back to the school.
"So, do you like El now?" Nancy asked.
"What?! Ew! No, gross!" Mike scowled and Steve laughed. "Do you like Jonathan now?"
"What?! No! We-I'm dating Steve," Nancy said.
Barb shared an amused smile with Steve. It was going to come out eventually, but maybe now wasn't the best time. Barb knew how much Nancy cared about Mike and his friends. They had spent many occasions babysitting them together. She remembered when Nancy had dressed up for their D&D game once. She had remembered it so vividly because she remembered the way Mike's eyes shined when his big sister, whom he looked up to, did that for him. Mike and Nancy were so different but also so alike in so many ways. Barb could see that Steve was starting to pick up on the fact that Nancy cared about these kids. She could see it in Steve's eyes: the admiration for the drive and the compassion that Nancy had. The fact that he could also see that she wasn't perfect either and that she tried to be. In that aspect, Nancy and Steve were alike. Barb couldn't help but watch Steve look at Nancy so fondly.
"Do I have something on my face?" Steve asked, and she glanced away for a moment.
"Skin, moles," Barb replied. "Lots of moles."
"Haha, hilarious," Steve said.
"You're good," Barb smiled.
Steve smiled and brushed his shoulder against hers, letting their fingers touch for a moment. They walked back into the gym and helped set up the tank. Barb sat down in between Steve and Nancy, watching as El was lowered down into the pool. Barb squeezed both of their hands as they awaited to see what El found. She hoped they found that little boy, and Barb chose to focus on that rather than the fact it could have been her in there as well. The lights flickered as El continued to search for the boy and even more so when she found him alive, but barely hanging on. It was a rush for Chief Hopper and Joyce to run off towards the lab to enter the gate through the Upside Down. Jonathan had tried to go with them, but Joyce had pleaded with them to stay.
Barb had wandered back into the gym to find the kids huddled up together on the bleachers. Barb smiled at the sight of El resting her head on Mike's shoulder while Lucas patted her back, making sure the towel was secure around her shoulders, while Dustin reached over to squeeze her knee. It looked like El was going to get to some great friends out of this and maybe even a family, too. Judging by the way that Hopper and Joyce had guided her, Barb had a feeling that they were somehow going to end up as El's parents. She wandered over to them.
"How are you guys holding up?" Barb asked.
"You are Barbara," El said.
"Yeah, but you can call me Barb," she replied.
"Barb," she said, and then she pointed at herself. "El."
"I know, it was pretty cool what you did back there. You did a very good thing even though you didn't have to," Barb said.
"I had to," El said.
"Nancy said the demogorgon almost came after you," Mike said.
"Well, I cut my hand, and I guess some of it dropped by the pool," Barb frowned. "It was drawn by that tiny drop. I'm just thankful it fell in the pool."
"And that you were hanging out with Steve and Nancy. What were you guys doing, anyway?" Mike asked.
"Oh, you know, speaking of Steve and Nancy. I, uh, I'm going to see what they're doing," Barb said, blushing. "I'll be back."
Bullet dodged. Hopefully, they'll forget that question when she gets back. She wandered towards the entrance of the gym, where she found Nancy talking with Jonathan and Steve.
"What did I miss?" Barb asked.
"Nancy wants to finish off the demogorgon," Steve replied.
"It needs to die. Even if we can't kill it, we can at least distract it so it doesn't go after Hopper and Joyce in the Upside Down," Nancy replied.
"Yeah, okay, but what about the kids? They can't stay here by themselves. Those assholes could come back for them at any time," Steve said.
"Well, it's Jonathan's house, so maybe I should go with Jonathan and Steve if you want to stay here with the kids. . .yeah, they definitely need someone looking out for them," Nancy said.
"And Steve will need help looking after the kids. I'll stay here," Barb said.
"Are you sure?" Nancy asked.
"About as sure as you are about killing this thing," Barb said.
"It came after you, Barbara, I'm not going to let it do it again," Nancy said.
Barb smiled and kissed her. Nancy smiled against her lips and wrapped her arms around her neck, deepening the kiss. Barb pulled her in closer, her hands gripping Nancy's waist. She tried not to cry and tried not to think that this might be their last kiss. They pulled away, and Nancy leaned her forehead against Barb's for a moment before pulling her out of her arms. They gave Steve the baseball bat and the box of nails with a hammer.
"We got more and another bat in the trunk. Go nuts," Jonathan said.
Steve grinned and nodded at him. Nancy moved in front of him.
"Be careful, look after each other," Nancy said.
"You, too," Steve said.
Nancy kissed him as desperately as she kissed Barb, and Steve nearly dropped the stuff in his arms. He managed to kiss her back. Nancy pulled away before climbing into the car with Jonathan. Barb stood next to Steve as they watched him drive away. Barb turned to him.
"It was really great that you were worried about the kids," Barb said.
"Well, they shouldn't have to go through this alone," Steve said.
Barb studied him. She imagined a young Steve home by himself, wondering when his parents would remember to call. . .wondering when they would decide to be there for him.
"No, they shouldn't," Barb said.
She took the stuff out of his arms and set them on the floor. She grabbed him by the back of his neck and pulled him in for a kiss. She wrapped her arms around him, kissing him just as deeply as she kissed Nancy. Steve pulled back and pressed his forehead against Barb's.
"She's going to be okay," Steve said.
"I know," Barb whispered.
"Oh my god! You guys really do share everything!" They heard Mike yell, and they both laughed.
Barb ushered Mike inside with the other kids. Steve immediately went to work hammering in the nails in the bat. The kids had crowded around Steve, watching him work. Steve held up the bat when he was finished.
"What do you think?" Steve asked.
"Awesome!" Lucas, Mike, and Dustin exclaimed.
"Yeah, awesome," El breathed.
Steve moved away from them, twirled the bat, and started practicing his swinging. He started doing all sorts of things with it. He dove, he dodged, and weaved as though he was fighting off an invisible force. The kids clapped and cheered when he rolled across the gym floor, jumping up to swing the bat like the demogorgon was there. Steve came to a stop, leaned on his bat, and winked at Barb. She rolled her eyes, smiling. He was clearly showing off for the kids.
"I'm not impressed," Barb teased. "You're such a dork."
"What? No, Barb! That was totally cool!" Lucas exclaimed.
"Don't you think Steve’s a douchebag?" Mike asked Lucas.
"Not anymore," Lucas said.
"Anyone could do that," Mike rolled his eyes.
"Bullshit, Mike! You couldn't do that!" Dustin exclaimed. "Just admit that it was cool. He's a total paladin."
"Okay, I'd admit that it was cool, but I'm not going to call him a paladin," Mike said.
"You guys are hilarious," Steve said. "Definitely a lot cooler than I am."
The kids ended up dragging Steve and Barb into the cafeteria to pilfer the pudding the lunch lady had been hoarding.
"You're not going to tell on us?" Dustin asked Barb.
"Why would I?" Barb asked as she swiped a pudding cup. "If we're going to die, might as well die with pudding in our stomachs."
"That's the spirit," Dustin grinned. "I keep telling Mike you're the coolest babysitter ever. He's such a pessimist."
"Nancy can be a little pessimist herself," Barb smiled.
"Steve, if you really want to learn how to be a really cool babysitter, Barb knows," Dustin said and walked off.
"Did you hear that? You're a really cool babysitter," Steve said bumping her hip with his.
"You're not so bad yourself. You'll get there with a little help," Barb grinned.
They had only a moment of peace before the assholes from the lab found them. They dropped the pudding cups, and Barb led the kids down the hallway with Steve behind them all. She had her knives out, prepared to stab anyone in case they decided to come after the kids. Steve had his trusty bat in his hands. They got as far as they could, but the bad men had them covered on either side of the hallway. They had guns. Barb and Steve stood on either side of the kids, back to back practically. A woman moved forward and Barb didn't hestitate to take a slice off that bitch. The woman didn't hesitate to pistol whip Barb, knocking her glasses off of her face.
"Barb!" Steve hollered.
El moved forward, focusing on the agents, and the lights flickered over head. Blood trickled from El's nose at the same time that blood started pouring the bad mens' eyes, noses, and mouths. Their necks snapped at the same time, and they fell to the ground in unison. Head still ringing, Barb quickly picked up her glasses and put them back on her face as El collapsed.
"El!" Barb exclaimed and moved to her side.
That's when he showed up. A man with white hair who was tall and very forboding. A chill shot down Barb's back at the sight of him. He was just as terrifying as the demogorgon. Steve rushed to Barb's side but was grabbed and held by an agent at the same time that Barb was grabbed by another one. They fought hard against their grips as they took Barb's knives and held Steve's bat. Barb noted with a smile that one of their leg's was bleeding heavily. Steve had gotten one of them with the bat. The white-haired man approached El and cradled her in his arms.
"Papa," El muttered.
"Let her go, you son of a bitch! She's not your property. She's a human being, and she doesn't deserve to be treated ~," Barb started to say but was pistol whipped again.
"Don't you fucking hurt her!" Steve yelled and he was given the same treatment.
Barb could feel blood drip down from her forehead as Steve spat blood from his mouth. She yelled and yanked her head backward, butting the person in the face with it. He yelled, letting go of one of her arms, and she elbowed him in the stomach, making him let go of her other arm. She pulled the knives out of his belt and thrust it into his neck. He dropped to the ground just as another agent tried to grab for her but he froze when they all heard a loud growling sound. The agents let the kids and Steve go to pull out their guns. The white haired guy dropped El as the demogorgon appeared.
"Oh, shit," Steve yelled and grabbed his bat. "RUN!"
Steve hit the strange man in the leg and picked up El before he could, handing off the bat to Barb, who took it gladly. The kids took off ahead of them, and they ran into an empty classroom, slamming the door behind them to hide. Barb stood protectively in front of the kids and Steve as the demogorgon caught up with them. El wiggled out of Steve's arms and moved towards the monster, Mike screaming her name. She held out her hand and pushed the monster back with her powers, slamming it into the chalkboard. They watched as El destroyed the monster along with herself, nothing left behind but dark ash. Mike stood there, stunned as he looked at the disfigured chalkboard.
"Mike," Barb said softly as she stood up.
Mike threw himself into her arms, crying. El was dead, but so was the monster. Barb held Mike tightly, pressing her cheek into his hair as his entire body shook with sobs. Steve tentively walked up beside her, Dustin curled up against his side, and he placed a hand on Mike's shoulder. Lucas patted Mike on the back, sniffling as well.
"Physically. . . is everyone okay?" Steve asked.
"Better than you and Barb," Lucas said.
They moved through the school, making their way past the dead, bloody bodies, and out into the fresh air. Barb held Mike to her side, gripping Steve's bat in her hand. They weren't sure who had called them, but the ambulances and the cops had shown up pretty quickly. It wasn't long before their parents had shown up. . .well, everyone except Steve's.
"Barbara!" her mother shrieked. "Oh, look at you!"
Her parents hugged her tightly as Mike's parents did the same with him. Barb couldn't explain to her parents what had happened. She wasn't sure if she was supposed to explain anything except for the fact that Steve had helped save their lives.
"Barb! Where's Nancy?!" Karen asked and she snapped out of it.
"Jonathan's house," Barb replied.
"Dusty!" she could recognize Claudia Henderson's shriek from anywhere and then: "Steve!"
To Steve's surprise, Claudia had pulled him into a hug along with Dustin. Barb smirked. It looked like Steve was going to have a family that he always secretly wished he had. Barb frowned. That should be El, too, with Hopper and the Byers. . .did they find Will?
LATER. . .IN THE HOSPITAL. . .
Barb and the others met everyone there, including Nancy. Barb had pulled Nancy into a hug along with Steve while Jonathan stood off to the side.
"Hey! You, too! You're not getting out of this," Steve said to Jonathan.
"Me?" Jonathan asked.
Barb laughed as Steve rolled his eyes before pulling Jonathan into the group hug. Joyce laughed at the look on her son's face.
"The doctors are looking over Will now. It's probably going to be a while, so if you guys want to go home. . ." Joyce said.
"Nonsense, Joyce," Karen said. "We'll be here as long as you need us."
Nancy quickly pulled Steve, Jonathan, and Barb off to the side.
"Barb. . .your eye and forehead. . ." Nancy whispered.
"Oh, I totally killed that guy," Barb said.
"Yeah, no, she really killed him," Steve said, nodding at the look on Nancy's face.
"In other news, Mom's letting me keep her knives," Barb said.
"You totally pull them off," Steve muttered.
"And so, El is for sure. . ." Nancy trailed off.
"Yeah," Barb said, glancing at Mike. "It was awful."
"Poor Mike, she was the first girl he liked, I can't imagine watching that," Nancy said.
"He's going to need a lot of help," Steve said.
"Yeah," Jonathan said as they all looked at the kids. "We all are. . .uh, if you don't mind, I'm going to wait with my mom."
"Well, we'll be here," Barb said.
"Does this - does this mean we're friends?" Jonathan asked.
Barb studied him for a moment. She could see it in his eyes, how desperately he was trying to hide the hope he was feeling.
"Yeah, it does," Barb said.
"All of us," Steve said.
"We're still expecting that essay," Nancy said, her eyes twinkling.
"Whenever you're ready," Barb said.
Jonathan walked over to his mother and sat down next to her, holding her hand. Barb, Nancy, and Steve sat in the corner of the waiting room near Nancy's parents. Nancy and Barb leaned as close to Steve as possible, discreetly brushing their pinkies up against Steve’s. Barb glanced over at Nancy, who was resting her head on Steve’s shoulder. It's crazy how things changed. . . It was crazy how that image would have annoyed her, but now all it did was give her warm fuzzy feelings in her stomach. . .
SUMMER OF '84
Barb was sprawled out in Jonathan's room, Steve between her legs with his back to her chest, and his head tucked underneath her head. Nancy was holding his hand while Barb stroked his nose with her finger. It was a complete accident that they discovered that you could calm Steve Harrington down if you just stroked his nose. It also helped to look at the blanket that hung on Jonathan's wall. Something to do with the colors. Steve was peculiar, as it turns out, like they were. Jonathan walked into the room and handed him a glass of water.
"You know, my mom did these breathing exercises when she was giving birth to Will, if you need help with your own delivery," Jonathan said in amusement.
"Shut up, Byers," Steve said as he took a drink of water.
"With your legs spred like that, it does look like you're giving birth," Barb said with a giggle.
"Nancy, tell our girlfriend that she's supposed to be helping me," Steve said.
"Sorry," Nancy said.
"Some friends you are," Steve said and smiled. "I don't even know why I'm freaking out. My parents are getting divorced so, what?! I mean, this is what I wanted, right?"
"Well, change can be scary even if it's what you wanted," Nancy said. "I mean, you must have been scared when you finally dumped Tommy and Carol."
"That's true," Jonathan said. "I mean, even though I wanted Lonnie gone and out of the house, it wasn't like he was totally useless. He did bring some things to the table, and it was scary that we were being left with this vaccum that we didn't know how to fill. We did manage to find a way to work around it, though."
"I just don't want what I have now to disappear, you know. I want to keep living with Claudia and Dustin," Steve said.
"Does your mom seem like the kind of person to take you away from them?" Nancy asked.
"No, in fact, she likes coming over now, and it's totally weird having her around all the time," Steve said. "And I guess I just don't want to get my hopes up that she'll stay."
"Well, it's not crazy to worry about that either," Nancy said. "I'm sure it's an adjustment."
"I'm sure it's going to work out and if your mom does try to take you away, we'll just kidnap you and bring you back," Barb said.
"Aw, you'll break the law for me?" Steve said.
"I think all of us would," Nancy said.
"Tommy and Carol never would have broken the law for me," Steve said.
"Their loss is our gain," Barb said.
Barb actually liked him like this, just utterly and completely melting into their arms. No one but them knew what Steve Harrington was really like, not even Tommy Hagan and Carol Perkins. Steve wanted to be soft and small. He never really wanted the attention. He just didn't want to be alone. Jonathan was similar, but he had pushed people away rather than surround himself by the wrong people. He had his graded essay hung up on the wall to remind himself what kind of person, of what kind of photogropher that he wanted to be along with pictures of his new friends.
"I guess I don't have anything to worry about," Steve said. "Thanks for letting me freak out. Tommy would have just told me to stop being a crybaby."
"You really like reminding us that we're better for you than Tommy and Carol, huh?" Nancy teased.
"Oh, yeah," Steve said. "You all are."
"Well, you've been there enough of all of our freak outs," Jonathan said. "We've promised to be there for each other so. . .we're here."
"Oh, speaking of my mother coming over all the time," Steve said. "She's also been talking to Claudia a lot."
"Well, we figured," Nancy said. "So, what did Claudia say to make Maggie realize she should have probably divorced that jackass a long time ago?"
"Maybe it was Claudia," Barb said. "Or maybe it was the fact that she had come home and realized that her son had moved out?"
"Maybe it was both," Steve said. "Anyway, Dustin told me that he saw something the other night that made him think that there might be something between my mom and his."
"Oh, that would be perfect," Nancy gasped. "You both would get two wonderful mothers, and maybe your mom would move in there!"
"It would be great, wouldn't it?" Steve asked.
"So, what was it that Dustin saw exactly?" Barb asked as she wrapped her arms around Steve.
"Well, he said it was the way they looked at each other," Steve said. "I think he just wants to have two mothers."
"And to keep his favorite brother around," Barb said.
"Maybe," Steve grinned. "So, right before school ended, I overheard a couple of jocks whispering about Eddie Munson. Apparently, it's a possibility that Higgins blackmailed Munson into dropping out, and that's why the jocks have been out for him as well as Hellfire."
"Well, apparently, he failed because Eddie's coming back next year," Jonathan said.
"Really?" Nancy asked. "And how do you know that?"
"I just know," Jonathan blushed.
"It has nothing to do with the weed that fell out of your bag earlier?" Steve asked.
"Okay, so maybe Eddie's been selling me weed, and we've been talking," Jonathan said.
"So, you're friends?" Nancy asked.
"He defended my brother against some mouthbreathers and took a baseball that was meant for him," Jonathan said, his face turning a deeper red.
"Oh, so, you want to be more than friends," Barb teased.
"I mean, maybe, he is cute," Jonathan said.
"And it definitely doesn't hurt that he stuck up for your brother," Steve said.
"It's a huge plus," he said.
"Well, it sounds like Higgins has it out for your boyfriend," Steve said.
"We should definitely do something about that," Nancy said.
"Ooh, does this sound like a case for the monster hunting squad?" Barb asked.
"Ooh, I love Nancy Drew," Steve said. "It's perfect. Jonathan and Nancy are already on the paper. Maybe we should join, too, Barb?"
"And what would you do on the paper?" Barb teased.
"Hey, I could learn to be a sports writer," Steve said.
"That's true," Barb said thoughtfully.
"That could work," Nancy said. "Especially, when you start asking questions in the locker room."
Nancy got up and grabbed a journal off of Jonathan's desk. She plopped down in between Steve's leg and leaned against his chest.
"Alright. . .let's get to work, we have a mystery to solve. . ."
#stranger things#nancy wheeler#steve harrington#barb holland#nancy wheeler x barb holland#nancy x barb#bancy#nancy wheeler x steve harrington#stancy#steve harrington x barb holland#steve x barb#starb#nancy wheeler x steve harrington x barb holland#starby#bisexual steve harrington#pansexual nancy wheeler#pansexual barb holland#stranger things s1#stranger things s1 au#stranger things fanfiction#rueleigh writes
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thanks for saying what you have about covert incest. I have this memory of my dad that I won't even type out cuz it's just horrible and I haven't been able to determine if it actually happened or if it's a memory of a dream I had but part of me thinks the former cuz I don't think I could've imagined something so horrible. and he died recently and I was determined to find some kind of physical evidence that it really happened but when my mom was moving she got rid of most of his stuff before I got there and I've been so pissed about it but not able to tell her or anyone why and it just reinforces my upset toward her cuz if it really happened then she didn't protect me and goes out of her way to protect him instead but in reading your posts I'm starting to think that whether it actually happened or not doesn't matter, the feelings are there and they're real and I ought to just treat it as though it really happened. anyway sorry to be vague, this has just been a huge weight on me and I feel like finding your blog on here has been such a blessing, especially cuz this has been weighing on me even more lately cuz I've been identifying as a butch lesbian for awhile but have been wondering if I'm actually a bi trans man and have been wanting to explore sexual experiences with queer men to find out if I'd enjoy it but have been really cautious about it and haven't really tried anything yet cuz I'm scared of what it might bring up in me and I'm autistic too so the whole dating and hookup thing is scary to me even without this memory shit and idk if queer men would be interested in me anyway. but yeah I'm gonna explore those resources you shared when I'm ready and I just wanted you to know you're making a difference even through sharing your experiences on your tumblr blog. and also just wanted to confess all this to somebody so thank you for that too
<3 thanks Anon.
Your feelings and traumatized reactions are real, and your vague sense of a memory almost certainly signals that Something was not Right in the dynamic with your father, and you can stand by that and care for yourself as someone whose boundaries have been trammeled upon even if you never get to know the exact facts of what happened. So much of childhood disappears down the memory hole, and there is no easy accounting for it, but as a therapist once wisely said to me, if a person has a fracture that's consistent with a violent attack, you can often see the effects and care for them even if you can't know exactly what happened there.
I'm glad you're feeling open to the idea of exploring your own sexuality and gender identity, too. There are absolutely queer men, both trans and cis, who will be interested in you, and you can move at the pace that works for you. Remember there are no rules to queer sexuality, that's the whole point -- so you never have to try anything you don't want to do. You can have a rich, fulfilling sex life with men that never involves PIV, if you aren't interested in that, or that is completely dependent upon a kink dynamic that isn't directly sexual. or you can just put yourself on the grindr grid and find some guy who wants to give you a massage or eat you out all day. There's so many kinds of very eager people out there, and so you can be as selective and as firm in your boundaries and vetting as you need to be! There's every kind of person out there. I have some guy in my Fetlife DMs right now who only wants to shave my body; another who only wants to jerk off while watching me smell leather. The world is abundant with funny little opportunities.
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Full Family AU Part 38
Manny awoke slowly and groggily, the lack of sleep already hitting him. But his body decided it was time to be awake, and he couldn't refuse no matter how much he wanted to. At the very least, he could reach over and hold his wonderful wife tightly so they can suffer through this together.
Sadly, for him, Camila was nowhere to be found on this bed, no matter where Manny reached or how far. He peeked his eye open to confirm said suspicions. With a groan, Manny slowly got out of bed and went to search for Camila, already having a suspicion of where to find her.
Groggily, he left their room to make his way to the computer room, where Camila was already sat at the desk, typing away search after search in a mad rush for answers.
"Please tell me you got some sleep," Manny begged.
"Of course I did," Camila said numbly. "I passed out in the woods, remember? You helped carry me in."
"I meant after." Manny made his way over and put his hands on Camila's shoulders.
"Don't think you can use your magic fingers on me right now," Camila told him, slapping his hands away. "I'm too focused on my work."
"And what's your work?"
"Figuring out there's a way we can fake Vee's birth records legally."
"...You're trying to figure out a way to legally break the law?"
"Yes."
"And how's that going?"
"TERRIBLY!" Camila yanked out the keyboard and chucked it at the wall. "I hate this!"
"Camila--"
"No! I hate it!" She got out of her chair and started stomping around the room. "I can't believe that I have to break the law for this to work! The most we had to worry about was whether or not you would survive treatment. At first, when you got better, I thought that was the last of our problems, but then the universe said, 'NOPE! Here's a little girl who needs a home and can't be legally adoopted into yours! HAVE FUN DEALING WITH THAT!'"
"Camila!" Manny grabbed Camila by the shoulders, this time making sure his grip is tight so she can't push him away this time. "Take. A. Breath."
"I can't!" Camila shrieked, which was quickly followed up with a sob. "I can't...It's all too much...Too much to do with no clear idea of how to do it right..."
"I know." Manny pulled her in for a hug, letting Camila cry into his shoulder. "I know..."
"Why...?" Camila sobbed. "Why does it feel like our family is cursed...?"
"It's not cursed."
"You got sick and almost died, we're unable to give a poor girl a home, and there's a witch sleeping on our couch! An actual witch! Seems pretty cursed to me!"
"That isn't a curse. It's...character," Manny tried to explain. "It's what makes us more of a unique family than we already are. And when it's all finally over, which it will be, we'll all look back at this and laugh."
"How can you be so sure?" Camila asked, pulling away just enough to look at his face.
"Because you're freaking out," Manny confessed. "And I'm just trying to help you feel better. Even if it means painting a pleasant picture to get your mind off the insanity. Just for a bit."
"...When you think we'll start laughing at it?"
"I'm guessing...at a barbecue."
"A barbecue?"
"Yeah, I'm teaching Vee how to work the grill, and she's being super grateful for this nice, bonding moment. I tell her, 'That's good. Your mother and I worked very hard to get you something like this.' She'll asked how bad was it, I'll tell her there was a freak out or two, and we'll all just chuckle over how we blew a small issue out of proportion."
"It's not really a small issue."
"Well, right now, it isn't. But in the future, when this is all solved, it'll definitely seem like it. As do most things that feel huge in the moment."
Camila hummed in thought. "By any chance, do you think that witch will be there?"
"Probably," Manny said with a shrug. "Most likely so she can steal a burger or two."
"Over my dead body."
Manny chuckled. "You see? We're laughing already?"
"I...guess we are." Camila breathed out a sigh. "Thank you..."
"Don't mention it. Now, how about you call in work for work today. Even if it means asking someone to cover for you. You clearly need more time to rest."
"Yeah...I do. I'm so tired, it's making me loopy to the point where I swear I'm smelling eggs for...whatever reason."
"Huh..." Manny sniffed the air. "That's weird. So do...I..."
Both his and Camila's eyes widen at a horrible thought. Someone's cooking in their home, and it's neither of them.
In a flash, they both rush out of the room to investigate.
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Maybe I'm projecting and being hopeful but I mentioned to M that I don't even get to shit by myself in peace lmao and I feel like something clicked for him. Bc I was like hey, at least you get private bathroom breaks at work (noncombative). And since then he's been a lot more acquiescent when I ask if I can nap and stuff
#he's never rly said no he just used to be like 'well whaf if i want to nap' like in the early parenting days#which evolved into 'yeah i guess'-type responses#lately he's more like 'yeah!' like his tone is less. whatever it was before#same with any requests i make in general like if he'll put e down for bed and stuff#idk my weird episode epiphany thing i went through last week has me feeling much less patient and self-questioning#it's just a fact that constantly asking myself if i'm being considerate enough of others has done nothing for me#like it hasn't even improved my relationships.. i don't really have any lol#like i'm done biting my tongue bc idk if i've properly considered their perspective.. i end up blowing up at minor things as a result anyway#like it makes me a worse partner fr#i also really feel like i've been putting daggers thru my own spirit by doing this for so long#like i need to stop troubleshooting my existence like 'what if i conform this way' 'what if i conform that way'#here's what if: you will be profoundly unhappy and no one who you love will truly know you#this is such a tangent off what i started talking about but basically i'm done reflexively wondering#every time i feel wronged disrespected etc. if actually i'm the one in the wrong. it really is reflexive#the way m's mom responded to me setting a boundary was a wake up call like apparently she just read into what i was saying too much#so hypothetically it wasn't the boundary she was angry about but how she thought i set it#but like i don't have any time for you if my extremely sincere and straightforward communication isn't good enough for you#like i'm not going to be understanding of your inability to take me at face value we didn't both fuck up. You did#and that's how i'm going to act. like You fucked up. yk
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Also @ my it takes Sharena to break free from the "Gustav was a good man/Father" Askr family unreliable narrator hivemind. That the Main Reason she can't/doesn't is because it's the One Thing that's protecting her. That's stopping her from having a catastrophic world/life fucking breakdown about it. Heavily influenced by her brother and mother's feelings about it.
There's something else, I think Sharena is specifically protecting herself from too. She was Triandra's sister, too.
#feh#IT ALWAYS COMES BACK TO TRIANDRA. FOR ME. FOR SOME REASON.#ALSO. ALSO. when it comes to 'comparing' what 'is/isn't' abuse. something logically ik you can't/shouldn't do#but like. tri/peony's father's ye olde fairytale villain levels of abuse vs gustav's abuse. which is.#so so. like. like i feel like i could meet someone and they could tell me yeah my dad was [insert every gustav trait here]#like. that's not to say the level of abuse tri/peony endured is impossible or realistic. like. it's just a rarer more horrifying case#that reads like an evil stepparent story ala cinderella.#like sliding scale/ends of a spectrum we have gustav (bad dad you can find anywhere dime a dozen)#to triandra's dad (cinderella stepmom levels of abuse but not entirely out of the realm of reality unfortunately just a rare case)#to sombron (literally actual cartoon levels of evil. which also isn't to dismiss anything but like.#he had a bunch of kids and then forced them to kill each other. and then did whatever he did to veyle. who was Lucky#she was too young to participate in the sibling battle royale to the death brawl.)#idk idk. it's like#back when i used to exist i had friends/peers who would talk about their family situations and#it was like. a frame of reference. that's horrible and outright abusive and i'm so sorry you have to go through that.#meanwhile. my own situation. i always describe it as 'stupid and complicated'.#idk idk. i just think sharena's feelings about gustav are more Loadbearing. than anything else.#and she's also like. she loves her brother so much. looks up to him and is inclined to trust/agree w whatever he says#like sharena obvs still has her own feelings/thoughts. but like. alfonse is also just so important to her.#and then there's henriette. who sharena does actively strive to be like. ect ect#idk idk. this is something other than breadcrumbs intsys gives me moldy bread cuts off the mold and tells me#it's safe to eat and that the mold was never there actually. but i remember. i remember the mold.#sharena#fe triandra
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my mind is once again assaulted by people's incorrect views of my special little guy. not sure i can recover from this.
#kind of considering being a hater but also it's rude to respond directly-indirectly to someone's post isn't it#(like directly as in referencing it specifically but not even where op can see... theoretically. bc it's still public after all)#all i will say is OH MY GODDDDDDD THIS IS THE MOST SHALLOW READING YOU COULD SUPPLY FOR A CHARACTER WITH ENDLESS LAYERS#THIS IS LESS THAN SURFACE LEVEL THIS IS LIKE. HALF OF THE SURFACE LEVEL AT MOST.#ALSO YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABT PSYCHOLOGY! SORRY#ok that's all i'm gonna say. hater moment over. mostly. in a public setting at least.#i was planning to read the whole post but just 3 lines in it already pissed me off too much 😭#yeah i'm normal about fictional characters why do you ask.#regular disclaimer of 'this is all fiction do what you want don't let me stop you it doesn't actually matter'#with the usual defense of 'yeah well fiction is there to make you feel and so here i am. feeling' etc#edit: ok i went back to be more civil (in my head. yeah) and they made *some* okay points.#but the core of it was still so wrong that. >:( idk it's 6 am i ran out of words
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Recent game related things .. hrmm...
#I do like the inconsistency of the first map. that is actually something older but that I re-found and added to my Game Reference stuff#so that when characters reference where they're from I can be accurate. I like that the whole map is kind of shifted up that way. Where the#actual south part doesnt even count as the south since its Too Far and Scary lol. and if you say you're from 'the north' thats basically#like.. one single continent. Though some people do make distinctions like 'north midlands' or etc. still. I like the ways that common#language isn't always precisely accurate like that. and thinking about why a culture would classify things a certain way or etc. etc.#The inventory page is so funny to me because it's literally just the BASe like.. sample layout just to make sure it works properly with 0#actual design into it. just colored rectangles thrown together in MS paint. but what if I like... left it like that.. what if all the other#art in the game and UI is like stylized and fully matching BUT the inventory/journal/etc. screens I just left as plain colored blocks#with random misalignments and black spots and etc gjhbhjj... It looks unfinished in a Funny Contrast way to me.#the wordcounts are just like... my past few days of writing.. I am still not getting 2200 words a day done or whatever I needed. I'm lucky#if it's even half of that .... tee hee.. :3c I do also keep having appointments and other things going on but..grrr...#The full map of the area is probably not necessary but I thought it would be more realisitc if people were able to reference things. Like i#you have people all living in a city area probably at some point someone might mention a neighboring city or some landmark nearby#or etc. so I thought having at least the basic names of what's around for reference would be sensible. A side character mentioning#'oh yeah I don't live here full time I just travel from Marisene sometimes' or whatever makes it seem more like a Real#Fleshed Out Place than people just making vague references like 'the river' or 'i come from a city nearby' or 'i went to a place somewhere#around here' or 'the other city' or etc. lol.. Especially since global cities/global areas are weird as they operate almost like an#independent country within their walls. so it's like a micro country inside of another country usually. just plopped down in some agreed#upon plot of land that won't be too disruptive to the main country around it. That could get very complex depending on the cultural and#political backdrop of where they're placed (though obviously they try to choose the 'easiest' areas possible for it). Asen is a very mild#country without much history of conflict or anything so it's fine. But still interesting that Sifeh and the entire branched out global area#border three other districts of Asen. Which means like 3 times the local representitives you'l have to negotiate with for some major change#or anything. I think one of the 'random characters you can find around the world and have short discussions with just to make the area#feel more populated and real even though theyre not actual important npcs' is going to be a guy who actually serves on the council that#handles running the global areas and he's like.. some perpetually exhausted middle aged elf running around with a clipboard or whatever#ANYWAY...... hrgh... still trying to write when I can....#I WISH so badly that I had the scope for a simple character creation menu and all character interactions would allot for the background#of your player character. And also to have a simple day night cycle where places in the world you explore/people you talk to during the day#have new options or dialogue at night.. BUT alas... I already am so behind on everything as is lol.. aughhh... T o T#As the worlds number one Needless Detail And Complexity Enjoyer i must dilligently prevent myself from adding additional complexity
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I fucking HATE how the fandom treats m.ine. it's so bad 😭
#ash rambles 💚#so many shitty takes... too much time on twitter ruins a man#i hear one more person call him a crazy obsessive yandere and i think I'm actually gonna lose it#he's either portrayed like that or as one half of a ship#his actual character is lost on so many people because oOoOOoOOooOoO mInE wAs GaY#i dont doubt that he likes men. it's just that I've seen so many people be weird about it-#also. it's not fucking sexy to wanna kill your partner. a bullet between the eyes isn't an act of love.#I saw a tweet today about how m.ine actually wanted to kill k.iryu because he thought d.aigo liked k.iryu romantically#and m.ine only wants d.aigo to himself. and THAT'S why m.ine wanted to kill k.iryu.#let that sink in. 😐.#i hate how the fandom treats him SO MUCH#i will sit in my corner here. and i will kiss m#m.ine. and we will kiss a lot. and things are good. we are happy. we are far away from all of that.#I'm not saying every fan of his is horrible. I've seen a lot of great stuff and content! but holy shit I've seen some horrible stuff too#and it's hard to not feel like I'm doing something wrong by shipping with him. by loving a guy who the world has always hated.#and ofc I'm not! but still! even whenever i rb content of him here I'm always so afraid ajdhajsj#like ah yes this is the day i finally get cancelled on tumblr dot com for (checks notes) ... shipping with y.oshitaka m.ine??#I'm honestly afraid to take him up to being an official f/o ajdhajsb i think he'll stay in crush jail a little while longer..#i hate how the fandom perceives him so much!!!!!!! i also just hate the y.akuza fandom in general lmao#i do also like k.iryu so.. I've seen shit 😐#I'll delete this later but oh boy i am in a mood#and i know this isnt the first time I've blogged about this#and for that i do apologize. but i really do love this guy and despite wanting to look for content of him i always end up finding the most#infuriating shit!#i know he's done fucked up things. he's not a great guy. but! our relationship is built on mutual trust and i will NEVER write any of that#creepy obsessive shit that the stupid fandom always portrays him as doing! he's not going to kill someone for getting too close to me-#I'm just... upset- get behind me honey! I'll shield you!#and by kissing him I'm not brushing over any of the shit he does in the game. yes he beheaded that guy. yeah he slapped that orphan.#but i adore him and omg i hit tag limit... oopsie daisy lol sorry guys 😭 I'm really sorry for always talking abt this#you were beautiful 💸
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masha broke a bowl by accident in the kitchen and when i brought her the broom and dustpan and asked her if she was okay, she looked at me, straight-faced, and said, "no, i'm not okay." and then i realized she meant that she still feels emotionally abused by the house somehow, and i felt a flash of anger because i am so sick of her shit, and i rephrased, "are you physically injured?" and she gave me another look and said "i'm physically okay." and then when connie asked from her room "what's going on?" masha replied "nothing new." like fuck off ohhhhhhhh my god
#p#i'm actually sick of making room for people like this#it's not me being kind or understanding. it's me being a doormat and driving myself crazy for not making everyone happy 24/7#would masha feel better if i continually approached her and invited her to things and forgave her every time she acted like this?#yeah she would. and i can imagine the emotional place she's in right now is a terrible one and i empathize#which is why i feel guilty for being too tired to do the above. but also? but ALSO???#in her head she will always be the victim. everything we do she will always interpret in bad faith; choose the most unkind interpretation#it's gabe all over again. they live in an alternate reality from me and from the rest of the house and it is impossible to reconcile the tw#and i get this feeling of anger and a part of me thinks of it as me 'letting myself be a bitch' but it's not actually that#it's literally self-respect. it's me being so burnt out that i don't have the energy to pretend this is somehow my problem#the whole meme of 'aren't you tired of being nice. don't you wanna go apeshit' that's about being inauthentic not abt being nice#sure authentic/inauthentic is a loaded therapy term now but it's just accurate. i should be able to NOT do things if i'm not moved to#i don't feel like talking to her. i don't feel like inviting her to things. i don't feel like giving an apology for an imaginary wrong#she can hate me for the rest of time. she can be miserable for the rest of the year while she stays here. i don't fucking care#she is making herself miserable. it is absolutely 100% on her. in any way that matters it is up to her to fix her own shit#i am so sick of this idea that somehow through the healing power of kindness and friendship everyone can be lifted up#because actually some people refuse to be helped. and it is so hard for me to reconcile this with my worldview#but it's been proven to me over and over again that this is the truth.#i guess it doesn't necessarily apply to material realities but i think it does for emotional ones#but even that division between the material and the social/emotional feels false to me. they're always related#maybe the actual lesson is that you as an individual and sometimes even as a community#have limited resources. and while the world's ills could theoretically be solved with infinite generosity and kindness#you cannot singlehandedly make that happen.#and also if the other party isn't receptive there's only so much you can do.#god i've written like a fucking essay trying to justify to myself why i'm angry at masha bc i want to be validated for it#even though i know by now that i actually don't need to explain myself to anyone -- even to myself
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Saw certain tweets and here once again a reminder which a twt mutual luckily wrote shorter than I could (plus public so I can rb bc no way I do that myself on that site)
Also
And if you want smth I wrote myself which is longer and not just abt that here you go
#a wild lux appears#I think they're one mutual who is fine w being screenshotted ik some don't want that#I wrote that bsky thing while waiting for food. Reg the fellow person I talk abt don't bash ppl that already spoke up and stop for a bit#To rb more later. Or ppl that still go to work bc they can't afford not to bc the thing by these actions is community isn't there as net#Or like anyone that shows they care and didn't do anything harmful and just take recharge time or so#Educate willing(!) ppl nicely and don't bash them or send a internet mob to them etc#The ones posting they still go to/buy boycott stuff yeah they're awful but what does bashing them bring at the end of the day#Don't support those ppl yeah but them posting that shows how much they care for it. They prob just want cloud which you give them.#Pressure ppl in power in a way they can't ignore focus on that not no name individuals#If ppl you know talk in private and if they don't want to change literally just cut them out of your life if possible#Online just block. Don't argue w people that just want to stir smth up etc etc#Also I don't think it's too productive to be mad when a standard user anywhere doesn't share stuff. Like yeah give them info abt that but#some either just do smth offline (in that case maybe tell them in this case just sharing online is also helpful) or are mentally too done#and focus all energy to survive (which is intended by the ppl in power. make ppl so done they only have energy to survive themselves so they#don't have energy to speak up abt problems in the world). Bashing famous ppl is completely different bc backlash actually brings smth there.#More ppl could do more if strike organizations would include community care so more actually could not go to work/shopping#Also reg protests so they should know do you know how many don't watch news anymore (I don't watch tv since many years)#I'm sure some also just can't esp younger ppl if they're parents monitor their socials and are zionists#Ofc speak up. I'm just here to say there are explanations. If they read things and still don't care unfollow/block/mute/idc or if you know#Them talk and explain how if is important they speak up#This has been going on for a good while now idk how many still don't know I am mostly pointing that out for new or not as much shared things#Tho I'm sure many don't know bc the standard response is the gov knows what he does and they do propaganda#They think surely the gov takes care of that. If they shut down convos reg that then that is dangerous denialism and living in escapism n#All. Not if the ppl who follow this need a break w fiction or so. I am sure the ppl you try to reach w bashing already muted/blocked all#accs and words associated w that#Anyways I gotta shower now. Disclaimer my personal opinion be an asshole and it's block on sight yada yada.#I just woke up I'm hungry I need to shower but that is also when I decide to share my pieces so
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it's kind of like amazing what being properly medicated and like leaving ur house and doing things with other people and like being a part of ur community can do for ur mental health.....
#the wretched gremlin strikes again#like i went on the group outing for the mental health centre club house yesterday and i had group therapy today#and i go to events at the cinema and like the guys at the cinema know me by name#and the people at the pharmacy know me and always ask how i'm doing when i'm in there even when i'm not getting my prescriptions#and like i used to have pretty bad social anxiety and i've noticed since i was put on the zoloft my social anxiety is basically like gone#and like i talk to my neighbours and stuff when i'm out with my dad and the dog#it's kind of wild just how much better i'm doing now compared to like last year#also like i'm being given access to like resources#like the mental health centre club house can help me access housing support and like job support and other supports#like learning how to cook and other programs like the social things and the exercise program and music therapy and mindfulness programs!!#and like i actually have a case manager and psychiatrist#and i have regular appointments and i go to group therapy now too!!!#lots of people are like living in a small town sucks so bad#and like yeah there isn't too much to do here but i'm actually doing a lot better in a smaller town than i did in the city#in the city like i was not given any kind of resources or support because there's so many people who also need it#and there's only so many resources available and often times i'm not considered someone who should get resources#because there were people who were worse off than me and considered people who needed it more than i did#idk it's just nice that i'm actually getting help instead of falling through the cracks like i normally would#and it's nice to be doing better
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the suyeol lore is so crazy
#their relationship is so interesting to me like aoughhhh#like you see subaek and even tho they don't talk a lot on camera (most of the time) those two get along so well#they understand and respect each other so much they take their job very seriously and they're actually good friends as a result#suyeol on the other hand is 12 years of slowburn like it's crazyyyyy#you admire him and believe in him like no one else does and then you discover that he isn't that great actually#so you get disappointed and distance yourself and then you both are in this weird limbo for years as you grow up#and slowly but surely you rediscover how your relationship works because both of you are adults now and now we're here#like yeah suhito was stressed back then the context was not great for a leader AND tao was still with exo so lmao pcy could fend for himself#so i get ittttt they were going through it but. i need to know what he said to pcy like oh my god was it really that bad 😭#i wonder if they've ever mentioned it 🤔#writing this bc i just remembered that one time they had to describe e/o and suho was like#“you're my cute dongsaeng i admire your talents so much and oh btw you're not uncomfortable around me these days right? uwu”#LIKE ??? KING YOU CAN'T SAY THAT AND LEAVE US IN THE DARK#(<- they totally can it's not our business lmao)#idolization to tentative ''''enemies'''' to coworkers to friends to good friends is crazy#i need to look into this properly omg let's do some research#anyways i want a subunit :) they can be called exo sc too sehun won't mind bc these are like his favorite people in the world!!!#idk i find the exos and their bond so interesting because you truly have it all with them there's a whole spectrum of friendships#and i appreciate that it's not like with b*s & taegi (if you don't know who they are... let's keep it that way <3)#because those two were just too different to get along. it was extreme. but bighit forced it so much it was painful to see sometimes#and then the hawaii trip came and they painted it like a ''see? after this trip they get along so well now <3'' moment#1. girl let's be serious for a sec 😐 and 2. it's not our business!!!!! focus on making good music!!!!!#i'm so glad exo didn't have to go through something like that bc i just know that they'd have disbanded by now sjfsifjsk#the saranghaja sprite isn't that intense we lovr freedom of choice (keeping in mind that they were under sm) <33333#so YEAH. can you guys tell i can't sleep hehe :)#dara.t#suho and chanyeol
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fighting for my LIFE with this "romantic attraction" thing
#in a new development i think i may be asexual?#i think i also might have romantic feelings for someone?#but i'm not sure#normally when i have a crush on someone it's kind of situational if that makes sense#but this guy is absolutely .not. someone who it makes sense for me to have feelings for and i sort of do anyway?#but again i don't really know if this is actual like romantic feelings#bc i feel like a lot of the time i just take a small thing and blow it up#almost like i'm acting into having feelings? i don't know#that's one of the things that's made me wonder if i might be aromantic#idk man#fucking confusing#the romantic feelings thing is pretty much practically irrelevant anyway#i'm just trying to like use it for introspection tbh#god i just wish that i could .talk. about this kind of thing with someone#like me having the same internal debates over and over again isn't going to help#i need friends smh#which ironically is another part of the problem WHICH i will not go on about here#obviously this is going on too much anyway and there's still so much more complicated about it so#yeah#boink
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