#and like theres one thing i have motivation for (but also theres enough process in place there that it would all get done bc its documented

[flutenby]

the funny thing about being called and having all these people ask if you're ok do you need anything are you safe and better from last week etc, is that ive been mostly trying not to think that hard. but now some hours after having it repeatedly brought up im like damn maybe actually i was right last week

[batw1nggg]

ive seen people point out the contradiction between komaedas motive in chapter 5 being to kill everyone but the traitor and komaeda telling hajime at the end of 2.5 that he believed in hajime, and i personally believe this contradiction couldve very well been intentional, and adds a deeper and more interesting layer to komaedas motive:

because if you think about it. if komaeda truly wanted to sure there was NEGATIVE ZERO chance the remnants couldve won, then he wouldve made the case unsolvable. all of the evidence in his cottage couldve been disposed of i mean he left that monokuma poison literally RIGHT there in the fridge without even trying to hide it behind any food. he couldve thrown the aluminum foil in the trash, he couldve returned chiakis notebook to monomis house instead of leaving the bright pink chest RIGHT ON HIS TABLE. he was very clearly trying to make the trial fair. for it to be the true final battle between hope and despair, he can’t rig it in anyone’s favor — that was probably his thought process.

but because he made the case fair, he knew there was always a chance the traitor would lose. by repeatedly saying he believes in his luck and that everything will be ok during the bomb scare, it’s like he’s trying to convince HIMSELF that his plan will work too, so he’s already sort of nervous about the plan, naturally. in running the possibilities through his head, he’s probably already guessed theres a chance his good luck will be chiaki throwing the right bottle and his bad luck will be everyone figuring out the traitor is her, but also, he left a CLUE behind that would let hajime determine the traitor was her (chiakis notebook). hajime always had a fair shot, and i think that, subconsciously, he believed in hajime’s abilities. he knew hajime was smart enough to solve the case.

so he was probably thinking something like: “if hajime wins, is that hope, too? since no one (including me) remembers ending the world, that means everyone at this moment is innocent, which means if they win theyre going to fight for the sake of hope. whether that hope is strong enough to defeat the mastermind is a different question. but that’s still hope, it just means that theres more of a chance for the mastermind to win, if they dont all just die.” and, somewhere deep down, komaeda probably knows that THIS is the true hope — it’s a tougher battle, the despair will be harder to overcome, meaning the hope will have to be just as strong, too.

i think komaeda is smart enough to not see everything in black and white (traitor is hope traitor live, remnant is despair remnant die), considering, like, his whole thing is being morally grey. i think denying that he was smart enough to predict the ending in advance is underestimating his intelligence. he knew there was a chance, subconsciously; and what he says in 2.5’s ending is reaffirming that. he did believe — he always believed in hajime. no matter how much he tried not to.

[kindaasrikal]

So, Kai and Morro. Their similarities are the same amount to their differences.

Before in my Nya and Morro one i said how Kai (and Lloyd) are two of the most different to Morro. I still think that, but i also think they have their similarities.

The biggest similarity between Kai and Morro is how like minded they are when it comes to goals. They both gain one and fulfil it to the end, similarly to Nya. They would do anything to make sure their goal is achieved because not only would it benefit them but it would also benefit others. Impress others. Protect others.

This is driven by their passion as ninja and their need to become better. Their passion is what fuels them to keep going, to stay motivated in what they believe in or wish to achieve. Kai is shown as one of the most passionate people on the show, and Morro is shown to be just as passionate as him, and both their passion ends up not only fuelling them to achieve their goals, but also in their own anger and temper.

Their anger and outbursts tend to be fuelled by the passion backing them up in their opinions and beliefs, and they desperately need to get their points across and do that through their temper as its the easiest method (not the most effective tho). Both Kai and Morro are two individuals who at first had large egos, finding themselves and only the the ones most close to them as important (barely for Morro, the only person he cared for was Wu, who didn’t need any sort of protection or help). However, its shown for both of them that their egos were fragile things, quickly crumbling to bits as their prides took over. Their pride is what makes them so similar, their need to succeed and achieve better for whatever reason, whether it’s to be as strong as possible or whether to finally be important.

But then things tend to differ.

Both Morro and Kai were orphans, dirt poor and unable to gain knowledge like how others their age do. Neither have a home, and neither had parents there to support them until later in life. But Kai had one thing that Morro didn’t, one person that created Kai’s whole purpose and need as a ninja. Someone to protect, some who was under his responsibility, someone like Nya.

Because Kai had Nya, he understood the need to protect and raise others up from the ground, he understood struggles of others and understood that he had to help others. Because of Nya, Kai gained his biggest qualities that developed with the ninja. His sympathy, his empathy, and his heart. He wanted to have the power of protecting, so the people he cared for didn’t need to worry anymore (so they wouldn’t leave him anymore).

Morro didn’t have that, he didn’t have somebody he needed to protect and have responsibility over. He only had himself, and it essentially turned his thought process into (undertale reference) “Kill or be killed” kinda situation. He had never relied on anyone, never needed anyone, and never had anyone need him.

Kai had a purpose, and it was to protect. Morro didn’t have a purpose, so he had a goal to motivate him.

People don’t tend to realise that the most smallest of situations, or words, or actions, can leave so much of an effect on a person. Especially a child.

Their situations were so similar, yet so insignificantly different that no one tends to notice how it drastically changed them as people.

I feel like theres more to add to this, and that i haven’t said my point correctly, but i have school in the morning and i need to sleet so enoughs enough. ALSO: im not comparing their situations as two orphans in a “who had it worse?” Kinda way, both their situations happen irl and shouldn’t be compared in such a way when they each have their own struggles. It was only to analyse how it affected them and the such, please take care of any child you see people they have it rough now a days 😭

[robyn-goodfellowe]

Hi uhh idk how to say it but any tips on writing in general? I really wanna write my story I have stored in my doc but I don’t know where to start.

hello!! i am very honored that you came to ME to ask because i love to talk about writing, so thank you :) with that being said this might get a little long so ill put everything under a readmore, but all of my advice can be summarized like this

tl;dr: just start!!!

i KNOW. in my soul. that there's genuinely nothing more every aspiring writer hates to hear than "just start" lol but it really does come down to that. just start. whatever you put on the page doesnt have to be PERFECT, it just has to be there. my first drafts for anything are never solid. my initial drafts are NEVER the quality of the final

and its through careful, consistent rewriting that it becomes something more palatable and fun/easy to read. what ive noticed a lot of new writers do (and i used to be very prone to this as well) is that they go into their drafts expecting to drop their final product there, and aim for perfection. i cannot stress enough that perfection is THE ENEMY in literature. you can rewrite things thousands of times for it to turn out imperfect in the end, and thats OKAY. you'll end up with a draft you like eventually, but don't expect yourself to find it right away. it takes me a lot of consistent writing sessions to have a paragraph that im satisfied with. itll come to you naturally

but the best advice i can offer is really just ... START. open google docs and just write down your thought process, whatever that looks like for you. maybe its the summarisation of a few scenes you like, maybe its a chunk of an out of context paragraph. whatevers in your head, put it on paper and see where you can go from there. thats really the only way you can start

outside of that some of my big things are being consistent and READING. i write for at minimum half an hour every day (not always fic lol! i am a creative writing major, am working on my manuscript and also trying to get published in some small-scale literary magazines and sites. so im always working on something, basically) and its probably the only thing in my life i am super consistent about. maintaining a habit and making yourself write even when you dont "feel like it" or cant find motivation is the best way to keep writing long term. and reading, well, how i like to put it to my friends is that creativity is like a well. you cant keep drawing from it without filling it up eventually. you need good writing and good words to inspire you so you can keep drawing from your creative well. when im not writing im reading and you should be too. you really cant have one habit without the other

are really immersing myself in the world that i've created for my silly little guys. i am, at all times of the day, immersed into my stories one way or another. im almost constantly curating pinterest boards, or making playlists, or sharing it with my friends (the last one is highly important. the best way to stay encouraged is to have someone to share with) and so theres not really a day when im not thinking about what i want to write to some extent

but yeah basically thats all of the advice i can offer. write, write, write and don't be afraid for it to be not perfect. nobody is perfect, you are human. so just have fun with it

hope this can help ssomewhat! :)

[afterhours-system]

omg transbipolar tips please? (if that's ok ofc!) if u do ty sooooo much (and no worries if not! ty anyway 4 being on tumblr :3)

hiii hello :33 heres some transbipolar tips from a cisBP II guything :D

general tips!!

track 👏 your👏 mood 👏!! i'd suggest one mood tracker for the moods/emotions you're actually experiencing (to track progress for example) (i use Daylio, it's great!) & one for the moods/episodes you want to experience! for BP specific moods (mainly depression/mania) i use Bipolar UK!

exaggerate your regular daily moods! if you've been in a good mood all day but suddenly feel a bit down play it up! i've gone from cruising in a very high mood (perhaps even bordering on hypomanic) to absolutely crashing for days because of one bad mood swing :P

hypomania & mania tips!!! (note: ive yet to experience a 100% manic episode, so i dont have as much personal experience there!)

hypomania: hypomania is characterized, for me, by very very high energy, high productivity (but never finishing anything), lots of inspiration & creative drive and feeling wayyy more social than usual!

also, completely losing track of my finances, needing less sleep (like. 2-3hrs & i feel well rested where i usually need 8-9,,), less need for food, almost no actual feelings of hunger (once in a month long ep i only ate One Piece Of Bread per day with the occasional (once a week max) pizza & was "fine") & being more open to drinking (and/or considering trying to get my hands on 'harder' stuff like psychedelics) where i usually straight up dont like alcohol!

i'd recommend going off of what's alr there for you; so if you notice you've been in a pretty good mood recently, say that's a hypomanic episode now! go out a lot (clubbing if you want to/can!), make efforts to meet new ppl & make friends, be very motivated & high energy and do everything (and i mean everything!) in excess (talk fast af & never stop talking, be restless and pace around, constanty occupy yourself w/ smth bcs otherwise you'll be understimulated af)

for mania: crank up everything about hypomania by about 300%. it's like there's a million bees inside your bones, you feel restless cant be still do a thousand things in a day, lose all sense of responsibility & become extremely reckless, either due to your extremely elevated mood or because of delusions or other psychotic symptoms.

oh yeah, psychosis! in a mixed ep i spent a day convinced i had somehow accidentally ingested alcohol (i hadnt)! intrusive thoughts, extreme anxiety around it, physical, olfactory & taste-based hallucinations around it, the whole package.

other BP based psychosis ive experienced: visual hallucinations (insects & spiders for me), jumbled & rapid thoughts (it felt different to adhd fast thoughts it was so weird lol)

see this article (link) for other psychotic symptoms during manic (or depressive!) episodes in pwBP!

i'd probably recommend "picking a theme" for delusions & halluciantions & the like, to make it easier to focus on them? tho i havent experienced psychosis enough to know if i have a 'theme' :P

depressive episodes!!

my least favorite (also, i feel like more things are known abt depression) (ALSO- i have seasonal affective disorder too which influences my BP episodes)

depressive episodes mean extreme lethargy for me. im tired 24/7 no matter how much sleep i get (& i'll be getting way more than usual. 10-12 hrs on average with the occasional 13 hrs 🥶).

very little movement. physical, mental, emotional, metaphyical. i often get stuck in bed, if not physically then mentally. spending my day anywhere but in my bed will feel weird & wrong. i will feel pretty numb/wont have access to my emotions anymore & often compltely stop thinking abt & processing my day-to-day life

^ this usually results in strong amnesia around depressive episodes but that might be a plural thing so. take it w a grain of salt lol

depressive episodes also make me self isolate as fuck. im talking forgoing my physical needs if theres a Chance i'll run into my roommate.

oh, yeah, also i just stop taking care of my basic physical as well as i do when balanced. i need to be starving to be able to get up & eat smth, & god forbid i want to actually cook smth rather than eating frozen pizza or eating out/ordering in

i also usually stop doing anything more creative than daydreaming (hashtag immersive daydreaming gang/silly) but even those are less immersive and less frequent. i'll be artblocked 24/7, have no inspiration or motivation and probably wont even miss drawing :P

& thats it! i hope you can find smth usefull in my rambling :3c /gen

and good luck & have fun with your transition!! you have my full support :D /gen

[catboylister]

lister bird solo album

IT IS VERY REAL TO ME LETS TALK ABOUT THIS !!! pls be aware im not the best with my music terms, im what you may call a poser or whatever.

during their hiatus when lister is struggling with everything thats happened to him, both in his childhood and with the band. he's given the typical advice from his therapist to write stuff down. at first he thinks it's dumb, but he gets himself a nice leather journal and starts writing anything that comes to mind. long winded rants about things he feels are unfair, talks of shows he's watched, comics he's read, games he's played, and also the odd few pages of lyrics he's written. he starts to really enjoy song writing, and with time he starts to hyper-fixate on his writing and begins composing different melodies along with it.

both rowan and jimmy here him working on it late at night sometimes. rowan is the one who starts telling him he has the skill to turn his work into an album, even if it's just for him and no one else.

drums are still his favourite, always will be, but he sharpens his guitar skills too. its good distraction for him when he needs something to do, as it's something new and not automatic for him. he really has to focus on what he's doing, which takes him away from his own thoughts for a while.

singing is the opposite, he sings when he needs to let himself feel everything in the moment; process it, let himself cry a bit. unlike the arks music, the words are harder to sing along to because it's all written from his own experience. with the lyrics he's written for the band, as much as he's in love with jimmy's voice, hearing the words that are supposed to represent himself from someone else's voice feels wrong, so everything he's written there has been more of a concept. these words are actually his own. it's probably the most accurate representation of his thought process. as he signs, the tone of his voice fluctuates a lot. he goes from softly spoken whispers to harsh words spilling through a clenched jaw.

he produces the entire thing himself. lyrics, voice, guitar, percussion. it's all his own work and he's rightfully proud of himself. and he should be because it sounds beautiful, even with the little imperfections throughout it. he still struggles with everything he's written about, it's not as if it magically fixed him. but it helped him lots, he really feels like he's doing good for himself. in a musical sense, i feel like it would sound like a mix of fires fading into black (holden laurence) and your city gave me asthma (wilbur soot). laurence makes me think of how he'd play, it's quite soft, makes me feel warm. but wilbur makes be think of how his voice might sound, you can really hear the raw emotion in each line. (like that one loosing face demo.) thematically, it would have an overall theme of the loneliness he has felt for years, emotionally isolated from everyone around him. the songs explore different parts of what he's struggled with. unrequited love, uncomfortable conversations, his addiction, pressure put onto him by everyone, his childhood, his assault, the river.

he doesn't publicise it for a long while, not sure if he wants so people to know about this part of him. when he does, he doesn't announce it anywhere, but the fans find it soon enough. a new youtube channel under his name with just one, 27 minuet long video, with a sweet note in the video description, little words of motivation for who ever cared enough to read it. people freak the fuck out, but he just lets them, for a while, it's funny to watch. first the freak out because 'omfg content theres content guys' the 'omg is he leaving the ark what the hell !!!!' but the feedback is overwhelmingly positive. what he doesn't expect though, it people wishing him well and hoping he's okay, as well as people going through similar things saying how comforting it is for someone they look up too let them know their not alone. its the first time he feels a slight connection to the strangers that form his fanbase, in a way, it makes him feel less alone too.

jimmy listens to it himself for the first time, he'd never asked much about it as he knew it was personal. it's the first time he cries over music in a long time. lister sings of things he'd never spoken of to either himself or rowan, while he had a vague idea of some of them, he never knew how much these things really do effect him. after staring at his ceiling for a while to recover, jimmy finds himself in listers room, hugging him tightly. he tells him that hes proud of him, not just for the album, but just for facing everything and still being with them.

[bonesandthebees]

I care about Rose! In fact, we started watching house of dragon (only 2 episode so far though) and it constantly makes me think of Rose because you use it as inspiration. Like obviously there’s the coronation scene which reminds me of stars. And there’s the character Willum is sorta kinda inspired by. And it’s an entirely different world, but every time I’m drawn back to Rose wondering how things will play out. (Which is not pressure to finish writing it if you don’t want to. Writer’s block can be a bitch and I get that the motivation for this project has been sucked out, but I just want you to know that I still care, and I’m not the only one.)

Also, I’ve been meaning to start my Ready, Set, Detonate analysis but I keeps getting away from me. I’m not sure there will be much to analyse, but there’s definitely fun details I want to point out. Oh and I am Looking 👀 at the fit/pac tag and kicking my feet. I don’t actually know if they are already in a relationship (I’m sure we’ll find out, but I just loved Fit’s little “Pac’s here?” That man is gone. Oh and I’m so excited for this Tubbo and to read more Bagi and the lore. Just all of it.

Then the original writing is a mood. I keep getting like a few chapters into my story before deciding it’s not good enough or thinking of something else I could do and throwing it all out. It’s this constant loop that never seems to get anywhere even though the story gets more and more fleshed out in my head every time. I think it’s because the opportunities are endless. Like there’s no characters and personalities and dynamics to stick to like there is in fan fiction. It’s free game but that does mean you have to decide everything yourself.

Anyway, best original writing advice I can give is remember the drafting process. There’s going to be a shit ton of drafts, which feels different for you because you’ve been mostly writing stories and posting them as you go, which means some minor or major editing, but leaves you without a chance to do a once over. It’s a sort of pressure to get everything right the first time. Meanwhile, original writing is something you keep close to your chest. There’s different drafting stages ranging from the zero draft (aka excessive daydreaming about all the possibilities) to the final draft (where you just go through and kill all your darlings and pour over ever single word to find the right one).

I’m struggling a lot with the first draft, which is literally just getting words onto a page. It’s a somewhat coherent mess that just allows you to shape the story and its structure so you can work off of that and edit it later on. I don’t know if this actually helps, but yeah, the first draft sucks and then it mostly gets easier. Just write, is kinda shitty advice, but it’s mainly, just get words onto a page, you will get a million chances to fix it, you don’t need to be happy about what you wrote right now.

-🌲

ohhhh I'm so excited you've started watching hotd!! good timing since the second season is going to come out later this year :D I hope you enjoy!! and I'm so happy to hear you're still excited about rose. I definitely want to finish writing it, like I said it's just me worrying about if anyone will bother to read it but a lot of you have said you would so that helps assuage my worries a bit

feel free to send whatever random thoughts you have about ready set detonate you know idc if it's analysis or not I just love seeing peoples reactions!! fit and pac are not in a relationship (yet) in the fic but theres a lot of flirty pining going on lol

god yeah it's so much harder with original fiction because it feels like there's so much pressure. you have too much freedom to do whatever you want so you're constantly second guessing if it's good enough or not. and ofc I know rough drafts are supposed to be shitty but I've tried to hone my skills so that my first draft is always incredibly solid because I rarely have the patience to do heavy edits, but that's with fanfiction. it has to be different with original fiction I know but it's hard to make my brain okay with that. I keep feeling like it needs to be nearly perfect on the first run :( but yeah I'm mostly trying to get words on a page. but then I think back and realize I forgot to mention this or I need to mention more of that etc etc and it's just stressful arghhh

[roll-for-something]

My Number One Tip on Writing a Convincing Villain

the following is MY personal number one tip on writing villains and BBEGs for whatever use you may need them for. It are in no way the DEFINITIVE way to write a villain. I for instance like writing more morally complex villains that let the players think about the villains motivations because when the players can question if the villain is fully wrong it can lead to more interesting interactions. This is just a process I use. If you want your villain to be a true and horrific villain, then by all means do so. All that being said lets get into it! Everyone is the hero in their own story: Put simply its exactly what it says on the tin. If your villain is doing something villainous its usually because they think its the right thing to do. If you want your villains final goal to be to plunge the world into darkness, ask yourself WHY your villain wants to do that. Maybe its as simple as theres a much larger threat coming that feeds off of light or can weaponize the light in some destructive way, so there can be no light on the surface and millions will die. Or maybe its more complex than that. Maybe the villains clearly tragic backstory has a part where a group of paladins of the sun god committed some great atrocity against him and he vowed to blot out the sun so people will lose faith in the sun god, rendering him powerless. Both of these different reasonings give way to interesting interactions between the party and the BBEG. They also allow your VILLAIN to act VILLAINOUS without being absolutely reprehensible. As an example well use the first idea from above here. The BBEG is actually trying to protect the world from a much greater danger. The party could come across an absolutely DESTROYED caravan. Charred guards skeletons still in their soot blackened armor, a horse and buggy absolutely blasted to splinters, the ground charred and burnt 100 feet around never to grow plants again. the party comes across this with no context and its an inarguably horrific scene of brutality only a short time past. Its destructive. Its horrific. Its villainous from the parties perspective. But on the other hand... we have our BBEGs perspective. the caravan had some kind of super rare or even one of a kind super powerful magical reagent the BBEG needed to cast his ritual to plunge the world into darkness. He tried to settle things peacefully. He tried to explain the situation to the guards. But they drew weapons, discarding his stories of a light wielding monstrosity as a bandits distraction. Your BBEG doesnt have time for this. Time is running out. One spell. One blast. They died instantly. Painlessly. a few quick deaths to prevent the slow painful deaths of millions. A regrettable sacrifice that needed to be made. The Interaction of these two wholly different perspectives on the same horrible event allow for some of the most interesting role play possibilities in TTRPG or even just simply written history. At least in my opinion. this one interaction of the players coming across this scene after the fact also opens up many possibilities for the narrative. Do they side with him or oppose him? Do they talk or fight? Do they oppose him, only to talk to him halfway through the game, then side with him? HOPFULLY. Examples of this idea in fiction include Magneto from the X-men, Black Adam from Marvel comics (Not the movie. ew.), and oddly enough Principal Ed Rooney from ferris Beullers day off. (Think about it. Hes just doing his job.)

[raysletters]

2023 Character Wrapped

Rules: share your top 9 characters of 2023

tagged by the lovely @suseagull04 (like, so long ago, but i had forgotten to do it so here i am)

1. Alex Claremont-Díaz (RWRB)

i wish i could explain to you the deep connection i have to this fictional man. he is me and i am him. he probably has been my favorite character since i first found him on 2021 (which is the longest hyperfixation ive ever had, funnily enough) and has actually shaped me to be more confident in myself and all that mushy stuff, so yeah, im just missing a henry kinnie that wants to put up with this mess.

2. Percy Jackson (Riordanverse)

i binge read pjo and hoo these last months, and the way ive become attached to this kid is something else. i want to protect him from anything.

3. Nico di Angelo (Riordanverse)

like with percy, i became attached to him from the moment he showed up, and i would protect him with my life even from rick riordan. he cant do no wrong ever.

4. Henry Fox-Mountchristen-Windsor (RWRB)

henry has specially gained a piece in my heart lately, but i have to be honest, when i first read about him, i thought nothing of him more than the perfect companion and love interest in alex's story. i have to say that getting a glance to his mind through both the bonus chapter and really fucking good fics gave me the insight i needed to comprehend him: his actions, his motivations, and everything in between that made him who he is and made me realize how many things we have in common and how many things i could learn from him, which is always a beautiful experience

5. June Claremont-Díaz (RWRB)

theres nothing i wouldnt do for her. even though i absolutely HATE how i wrote the fic that has june's pov, im still in the process of learning about her and comprehending her more. still, she reminds me so much of my own sister, even though i should kin her more than alex because of the whole sapphic latina journalist who loves her sibling very much, even when they annoy the shit out of you, but alas, im a younger sister and june has so much vibes of my own sister except with my tastes, so yeah, nothing i wouldnt do for her

6. Iris West-Allen (The Flash TV)

in case you didnt know this about me, i had a not-so-recent hyperfixation on the flash (and it can absolutely be seen in my sky high au), and she was half the reason of it. i wish i could put into words how much i fucking love her in every sense of the word. like, i'm in love with her but i also want her to be happy and protected at all costs and i would do anything for her to actually get those things. she can also step on me and i would thank her, but that is unrelated

7. Annabeth Chase (Riordanverse)

what you dont get is that for her i would become like a rabid feral gremlin or maybe that dog that takes a sword in its mouth and starts swinging carelessly. thats how ready i am to protect her from absolutely everything, even spiders, no matter how fucking scared i am of them

8. Imogen Heaney (Heartstopper TV)

yes, i am absolutely biased because the actress also has t1d and my hc is that now imogen also has t1d, but also because i, too, affirmed with my whole chest how i was an ally and totally straight and then slowly realized i was sapphic bc of one cute girl in my friend group that called me out on my bs 💀

9. Barry Allen (The Flash TV)

yes, we dont acknowledge that other version by that other actor. yes, he's last because i had a love-hate relationship with the way he was written. but season 8!barry became one of my favorite versions of him, and i absolutely thank grant (the actor) for the way he made me love the character once again

i missed so many characters that i love but just not like i love these ones. the only one who could easily take barry's place on the list would be nick nelson my absolute beloved, but since flash tv ended this year, it had me in my feelings and i couldn't not put him there, so yeah

DISCLAIMER: i am at the moment reading trials of apollo (im just like 1/4 of the first book) and if somebody spoils me anything i WILL become a rabid feral gremlin, this is your only warning, thank you very much.

anyway, you can consider this an open tag and do this and tag me in it bc i always love to read about yalls favorite stuff. still, no pressure, but im still tagging beautiful ppl so i can read about your favorite characters @anincompletelist @inexplicablymine @read-and-write- @sherryvalli @14carrotghoul @formorewishes

[bathroomtrapped]

What are the basic differences between saws original script and the outcome? Why did they not play those scenes?

theres a lot of superficial changes, like their ages and adams last name being denlon. honestly still not sure where faulkner-stanheight got confirmed as his last name!

a lot of the things that were cut had to do with adams character and im not entirely sure why it was cut. his reason for being there was because he was suicidal. jigsaw said something along the lines of "everyday youve wanted to die". he wanted to go to vet school and had an interaction with some cat in his apartment. theres a scene where his mother calls, saying his father isnt mad and that he should call them. he writes on a sticky note "call mom" then adds a "?"

he has an interaction with a shitty neighbor, begs god to become a better person

theres probably a few small details about him im forgetting bc its been a while since ive reread the screenplay but the common theme is that the saw movie cut out a MASSIVE amount of context for adams character.

im not entirely sure why, i think some scenes might have to do with cutting down on time (the cat scene would probably get cut for time before filming once they actually start working on the project) vs something that was cut to make the story tighter and change adams role in the story.

he tells lawrence that basically, be hid the photo because he "didnt know what he would do". aka he was scared that itd motivate lawrence to kill him more. not sure why this is cut because some people clearly did not pick up on that lol

basically everything we know about adam is only known to us because it has something to do with lawrence. we know it because lawrence needs to. its unfortunately bc i like adam enough to want to know more but it serves the story better. hes the audience. we know what we know bc adam knows it or learns it. hes the one behind the camera. hes a voyeur. hes literally nothing. he died forgotten by basically everyone and hes just BARELY there in the narrative bc hes just... nothing.

at the end of the day, he was just a pawn. hes not important to anyone but lawrence because this is his story. this is his test and were just the people chained up and forced to watch it play out. i imagine his backstory and personal information was cut for this reason.

during the editing process, there were scenes cut. i know the trap was supposed to be more elaborate originally. i think the cat scene was cut out to save time and the mom scene/motivation/history was cut to firmly center the narrative on lawrence

one change that fucking BAFFLES me is that at the end during the love scene, adam originally asks lawrence "am i going to be okay?". in the film its "are WE going to be okay?" umm im honestly not quite sure what series of thoughts propelled them to make such a gay film by accident, call the end the LOVE SCENE publicly, and then proceed to be shocked when people call them on it? leigh was shocked to see chainshipping fics back during the ff.net days (fun fact: the first ever chainshipping fanfic was published on ffnet called rebirth. its still up)

my best guess is that leigh wanted to push their "relationship" (whatever they think that is) further for more emotional pay off. most of the changes seem to pull their themes tighter. it ends up working in its favor. adam is lawrences test and his moral core or whatever, so they have a pretty instant connection. it was probably done to make lawrence suffer more! or maybe make it gayer and leigh is just doing a bit

theres also the lampshade song lol. some dumb shit leigh made up and cary refused to do, so they changed it to the weird little piggy thing instead. MINOR minor improvement

certain words were changed because cary just kinda... rolled with it. he adjusted the script a few times bc he rly liked lawrence for some reason. he still does. leigh just accepted it and let him do his thing

amanda was also amanda denlon in the screenplay im pretty sure

tapp was dunked on by john as he assassins creed-ed him in the throat for being a 40 YEAR OLD VIRGIN! absolutely insane

the way adam finds out lawrence is a doctor is different, he talks about possibly being injected with rohypnol LOL

the heart was actually a clue leading to the word toilet written over his heart, under his shirt. the blood heart wasnt in the script LOL. i imagine cary didnt want to have toilet written on his bare chest for the film? a shame

theres more interactions with tapp, sing, lawrence, and brett (his lawyer) im assuming its what happened before they asked lawrence to sit and watch amandas testimony. they say his fingerprints were found at the scene, not a pen. i think either way its interesting because. wow! lawrences prints are in the system which means he has a record. the implications are kinda funny, it makes how baffled he is that tapp dare accuse him of such a thing! even more ironic. now we know that mark was involved in the police and planted the pen, so he probably just out his prints into the system as well

amanda works at lawrences hospital. not sure why this is cut? possibly bc shawnee was begged to join bc james had a big crush on her and she didnt even want to originally. she might notve wanted to do multiple scenes or something at the time before she decided on returning as amanda (for whatever reason, im not quite sure why she became so attached to the series after not joining as enthusiastically as cary did after watching the 2003 short)

amandas reason is also different. i think jigsaw literally hated depressed ppl so much in the script bc she was there for therapy or something LOL. not drugs. prob just cut to improve it

thats all i got. theres a lot of changes for logics sake related to the trap, wording changes for flow (im assuming), time constraints, and to streamline the themes and center it on lawrence

[fixa-ryeter]

here's ageswap!Ritsu!

before we go on, quick heads-up: this is a heavier and wordier post; there’s going to be discussions about PTSD, its symptoms and Ritsu's response to them, and because i’m on PC i can cut off that section with a ‘Keep Reading’ bar? so i’ll do that and try to lay out the rest of the facts before that. also there's gonna be a bit of a format change here bc PC so afblakdhbf

a few people have shown interest in Ritsu and i was. so happy. im still new to tumblr imo and im so excited about all of this FBALDKHFBASFB so here he is. and with this it’ll be a huge look into what happened between him and his brother. also shoutout to my friend bc she is VERY MUCH part of the creative process. i’m not sure if she wants to be mentioned here but credit goes to her too! (bestie if you see this please tell me) update: SHE SAID YES @escape-from-twinkov say thank you escape from twinkov

Ritsu! Popular, all-rounder kid in academics and sports who started burning out in university and dropped out to pursue music with a few of his friends. it worked out for them, and his life is relatively stable. kinda stable. a little stable. really depends on your definition of stable. here’s the facts:

he's a good 5'11, about 24 years old

he/they demiboy. doesn't really feel the need for a solid label for his sexuality

plays guitar. is the band's frontman. he has three other bandmates and Shou Suzuki is one of them.

suffers from PTSD and anxiety (more on it below the cut)

loves playing Just Dance (even though he sucks at it) and Guitar Hero (he's better at this one)

your average My Chemical Romance + vocaloid enjoyer, AND a closeted 1D fan

he's a quick thinker, but when they're anxious he can barely think at all

loves udon. loves tofu. give this man either or both when he's upset and it cheers them up quite a bit.

tells people he has a diary no one should read. not because it's his diary, but because he doodles a lot in it and finds it embarrassing. of course Shou finds out. of course Shou thinks it's adorable.

he went through a lot of friends in his later school life. had many, lost many, and struggled to make friends in university. Found some buddies in their second year, made a band, dropped out with them at the start of third year.

if you've decided not to keep reading until here thanks so much for getting to this point already!!!!! heavier stuff below the cut so read at your own risk. it's lore so if theres a need for it i'll post a summary on it.

So remember the ???% incident in childhood that led to Ritsu getting hurt and Mob being unable to remember what happened? That's where we're getting at. It was never resolved in their childhood or adolescent years. Ritsu tells Mob he doesn't remember either, and tried to sweep it under the rug. Worked for the most part.

his PTSD was delayed onset. his symptoms were there, but not enough to fit the diagnostic criteria. they got worse in university because he was experiencing heavy burnout with no one he felt like he could turn to. he'd moved out and was struggling to make friends.

he has nightmares which only increased in frequency, something he never gave much thought to because they figured it was a logical response to the event. didn't bother to question it either even when he had been experiencing them for months since he had other things to worry about. doesn't mean they didn't bother them and scare them though.

sometimes they just don't show up and don't reply to messages after shooting a quick text to his mates about feeling ill. his bandmates were getting concerned.

a little bit difficult to work with in the studio sometimes because he has difficulty concentrating and doesn't seem present.

terrible sleep quality, something he and his brother have in common.

often lacks motivation to do anything outside of his music job and things he feels like he's obligated to do, like hang out with his friends sometimes. never moves things out of place in his apartment, but his room is usually a mess because he struggles with cleaning up.

Ritsu had no fucking idea how to cope with any of this and made a decision to remove their perceived source of trauma from his life. He completely cut out Mob from his life for a few years. Blocked his number. Blocked his socials. Moved and never gave him a new address.

at first he felt as though he really did something to fix things for himself. after all he didn't need to bother checking up, visiting, hanging out with a person who had caused him all this trouble. he felt optimistic about it at first. waited for their own symptoms to get better. eventually no matter how he looked at it he hadn't fixed anything. he was still being stubborn for years after cutting his brother off.

had a breakdown in front of his bandmates and they started asking him to get help. he caved in and he did! now they're learning to live with their PTSD and their issues in a healthier way. but he's also starting to really miss his brother and feel like an asshole for lying to him about the incident and leaving him in the dark.

soooo that's all that's going to be revealed in this post. more on mob's side of the story and how they try to fix things next time? i've actually already written a oneshot on it but i'm not sure if i should share it. i'll go ahead and burn that bridge when i get to it afbdhsakfb but if you're still reading at this point thanks so much for reading until here 😭😭😭

[smoosnoom]

Hi! I have a couple of writing related questions. I was curious how you decide when a story is finished? Do you come up with the ending first or just go with it until it "feels right"? How do you motivate/discipline yourself to finish a story? Or do you not struggle with that so much? I'm having trouble structuring stories and finishing things. I find myself writing all the time, but it always ends up being little snippets or a couple thousand word scenes and I can't seem to fit them into an overall plot or story…? Does that make sense? I feel like I have like 18 different stories going on and sometimes there's like a bunch of scenes that could fit one story but I can't make them… Mesh. Also I can't just finish it off. I always feel like there's something missing or like I'm just not sure what the overall point of the story is so I don't know how or when to end it. Anyway, thinking about this made me curious what your general structure is. Do you start with a scene and then flesh out from there when starting a story? Or do you start by having an overall plot and writing based on an idea? Like do you block out your stories scenes/pacing etc first or just write in order, beginning to end or jump around from scene to scene and stick it together later? Does your process change depending on the story? So sorry for the kind of aimless questions. I'm just curious about your process. I'd love to be able to actually complete something, but I don't really have anyone to talk to about writing, and I thought maybe getting advice from someone who I see and enjoy the finished work from could help me in some way. No worries if you don't really know how to answer this and don't want to. I won't be offended lol Anyway ty love your work, have a good day :D

hello ! im so sorry for taking so so long to get to this, i would keep coming back to change or add something to say :)

I was curious how you decide when a story is finished? Do you come up with the ending first or just go with it until it "feels right"? ... I can't just finish it off. I always feel like there's something missing or like I'm just not sure what the overall point of the story is so I don't know how or when to end it. - this fluctuates from time to time; sometimes i feel like a story is done right when i write the last scene, and then i'll come back to it and add a whole other scene because it doesn't seem right . i try to consider if whether or not the entire story has come full circle, if it's satisfying and the ending is something worth having read the previous paragraphs for, if the last few lines are conclusive enough, or if it feels like something should be coming after it . i don't know a proper formula or fool-proof solution to this, its just a Feeling u get, but if u are at a complete loss, what i try to do is completely forget about it for a few days (at least five), and then come back and read the entire thing, editing Nothing, but only taking notes on what to fix, until u reach the end, where u, with a fresher perspective, can tell if the ending is right or not . sometimes, theres just no point to a story other than being written - if that's the case, then thats fine . writing is meant to be fun, if it feels incomplete, come back to it at a later time, don't look at it for a while . if u cant bear to do that, then maybe rewrite it completely - i've done this several times, rewriting thousands of words because something is just . missing . so i take the old work and rework it into something i like better, rewriting and removing and adding bits and pieces . try to spend some time away from the work, that helps me immensely !

another piece of advice from aaron sorkin is that sometimes when he finds a lull in his writing, he takes a shower - showers are great for getting ur imagination flowing :) something else i heard is to take the work and put it in a place not easily accessible, and then, after a few weeks, looking at it again . another version of this is putting it away and rewriting the entire thing from memory . ive done all three and they help as well :)

How do you motivate/discipline yourself to finish a story? Or do you not struggle with that so much? - if u mean continuously working on a story til the end, then absolutely i do struggle with it !!! half the time its the sheer want to write that keeps me going, or if its a story so daunting i dont know how to write it, then i try to make it easier to write for, maybe telling myself ill stop writing after thirty minutes, or until i get a thousand words done, or just until i reach a scene that i really want to write . that, as well as just Forcing myself sometimes really helps, sometimes i just need to get myself to do it in order to the words to flow out properly. ill also admit that sometimes what gets me going is the idea of feedback, what people might think of it or even how satisfied i might feel from writing and finishing it . if u need a friend to cheer u on, or u need to post a bit or two on here to get that encouragement, then feel free . also implementing a "write for thirty mins/for five hundred words/etc." really helps too :) maybe giving urself a deadline as well, such as getting a certain amount done by a certain day

I find myself writing all the time, but it always ends up being little snippets or a couple thousand word scenes and I can't seem to fit them into an overall plot or story…? ... I feel like I have like 18 different stories going on and sometimes there's like a bunch of scenes that could fit one story but I can't make them… Mesh. - it does make sense :) i have a doc just called "cut" that is a series of scenes and snippets and phrases that arent related in the slighted - its only for the sake of putting the idea in my head out and onto the screen, which i might later use for a story i write at a different time if i find that it fits . u don't need to make all these separate scenes fit, sometimes they just aren't meant to . if u find urself writing eighteen different stories, and then only extensively working on a specific few, then i suggest combing some of these stories where they fit . if they don't, then go for the one u want to work on the most, the one that matches ur current writing mood . i know saying "work on which one uwant to work on" is pretty unhelpful, but theres no better solution . maybe asking someone else which one they'd like to read the most also helps, something i do :)

Do you start with a scene and then flesh out from there when starting a story? Or do you start by having an overall plot and writing based on an idea? Like do you block out your stories scenes/pacing etc first or just write in order, beginning to end or jump around from scene to scene and stick it together later? Does your process change depending on the story? - sometimes i do all of these . it does change depending on the story ! for some, i get a flash of a scene that i quickly write out, and, from there, an entire story is inspired in me and i start writing it as quickly as i can, and this changes from just writing down the parts i really want to implement or i feel are imperative in the work, or i finish the initial scene and begin from the start . other times, i have a plot in my mind and i start to write it, but never have i stuck with the initial plot - it always morphs into something else, and ive never resisted from that urge . one plot point will turn into five, and i have sticky notes i keep next to my bed and desk and in my bag and by the door whenever these ideas stick, or i get a sudden scene idea, which i quickly jot down, and, most of the time, i start jotting down quick outlines for the next few scenes . these are never detailed, especially on a sticky note, it's usually just (bike scene, diner scene, "insert quote i just thought of/want to include", etc.) . things like that . i also almost always jump around - i've never written anything in a linear manner, and i probably never will . sometimes the place u are in during the story is in such a lull u want a change of pace, and that's fine :) let that happen ! then u go back to the part u need to work on, and sometimes its even easier to tie two separate scenes together .

im so happy u enjoy the work i put out ! u mention not having anyone to talk about writing with, but my dms are always open and id love to chat if u want :) and if u ever want a second opinion/some help (it feels weird to say help because i am just trying my best on here LOL) then let me know !!! please feel free to just hit me up, i'd love to talk !!!!!!

none of these questions were aimless, and im so sorry for taking forever to reply this, i tried my best to answer as thoroughly as i possible could :) if i missed anything or u want any more clarification on anything, please let me know !!

thank u for the ask !

[dykeyote]

Hey if you're still doing curious anons (I'm not an anon but shh,,) I'd really be interested with some transfem Jedidiah hcs!! I love her SM and there isn't enough abt her,,,

YESSSSSSS YOURE SOOO BASED I LOVE TRANSFEM JEDIDIAH SO MUCH . I AM ALWAYS MORE THAN HAPPY TO TALK ABOUT HER

i headcanon her as transfem bigender nonbinary with she/he pronouns!! shes still an egg in season one though i dont think shes realized yet. and if she has she definitely hasnt told anyone i think he would talk to sydney first and......... well . shes not telling him much of anything now is he

i think the reason shes an egg for so long is partially because of christian influenced internalized homophobia but is ALSO becaude sydney is basically the only trans person she knows for a really long time and his relationship to his gender is VERY diff to hers not just that hes transmasc and shes transfem but just the way they Approach their respective transness . plus i think because shes been sheltered so mcuh for so long his grasp on the nuances of being nonbinary is Limited so because she Knows she doesnt want to be a 100% binary woman and he knows she doesnt want to be like fully androgynous no gendered pronouns whatsoever she kinda doesnt process that theres a midway between the two . so shes like ya ok i know what being trans is like and its Not Like This so the way i geel about being a man or lack thereof is just Cis Guy Things ): sigh . he will not be introspective about why hes sad about that

i think yvonne and sydney both dress him up in fem clothes a lot jusg to experiment . yvonnes usually just fucking about and having fun the emphasis is usually more on Punk than Feminine but i think sydney like . doesnt know hes Trans . but knows her well enough rhat he can recognize jeddys emotions and has gathered she at Least wants to be a little more gnc than he is . so hes like :O!!!! jeddy you know whats be fun . if i did your makeup and put you in this dress i got for you . cmon . jeddys forcedly reluctant about it but she always gives in the second sydney seems like hes genuinely going to stop pushing the point 

SEE . and i think what makes her egg crack is that i also hc Juniper to be transfem too and jeddy canonically sees herself in them a lot for better or for worse . so i think her coming out makes jeddy be like . Huhhhhh. which she promptly compartmentalizes and refuses to talk about

i do think she eventually comes out to sydney and she weirdly expects him to be angry about it or to tell her shes wrong?? like that hes just trying to copy sydney and that hes Obviously just a guy i mean hes been Fine being a guy for over two decades whats the issue now obviously hes just being dramatic . and then sydneys like (: its really nice that you trust me with that and im proud of you and gives her a hug and hes like .......???????????????? what the fuck

i think she still Generally sticks with the same general aesthetic as she did before after she properly socially transitions like she still wears a lot of neutrals she likes fairly prim very simple and professional clothing the only major change is that she starts wearing more dresses and skirts and adding some more accessories and wearing makeup and a lot of that isnt Just transitioning and is also the fact that the gender euphoria dressing feminine gives her more of a motivation to take care of herself and put herself together a bit and wear clothes she likes and feels comfortable in as opposed to just whatever she shoves on . but her general vibe stays the same 

HOWEVER!!!!!! back to the earlier hc i think she can also be VERY easily talked into dressing up all goth and fun and loud to match with sydney and yvonne and he gets VERY invested in it . its a fun break from the norm for her 

sydney asks if she wants to be his girlfriend instead of his boyfriend and jeddys like oh!! uh i havent thought about that . no boyfriends fine i think . but then spends the next week in a half gendery half lovestruck lil fantasy spiral going <3333 sydneys girlfriend sydneys GIRLFRIEND im sydneys girlfriend sydneys girl sydneys girlfriend <3333333 in her brain and so shes like ,,,, can i change my mind . theyre t4t and their mutual transness accentuates their love!! diversity win

i think she has like . one or two xenogenders that sydney showed her and she expected them to not be her thing but was like wait thats kinda cool . shes too awkward for neopronouns but maybe someday …… someday sydney will warm her up to it 

i think her coming out socially is a side effect of him becoming more comfortable with other people (: this is the overarching theme of my transfem jeddy hc i think as she learns to accept himself more and open herself up to other people that exact same progression follows with ehr gender i think trans jeddy is really compelling and good actually 

in conclusion!!!! shes trans and i love her so mcuh despite her being the worst 

[sarahsfixations]

Anime and meee

For a while I had a fair bit of insecurity and weirdly anxiety (???) over watching like fictional stuff idek. So I don't really watch movies or shows but anime has proved an effective pathway for me mainly because its more involved but also animated, and also has subtitles I can read along with (my verbal processing unit is... not the greatest) So I've been able to watch more anime now with not as much 'anxious pause' and 'apprehension' to starting up again although I've only seen 46. My myanimelist: https://myanimelist.net/profile/SimmyS My anilist: https://anilist.co/user/SimmyS/animelist This is roughly what my 3x3 probably looks like. The ordering is supposed to be left to right, top to bottom I feel this could change over time in not too long (because I've been having great fun with stuff like Cardcaptor Sakura)

A brief comment on each one and why I like it

Steins;Gate: It's been a while since I've watched, although I plan on a rewatch. For me it has to be the best because it simply stands apart: theres no hidden 'anime rules', it transcends that. It builds a world and everything that follows is both very interesting and yet a natural consequence of it, both surprising and well justified. The atmosphere is very particular and it helps make the world well deeper, like something the characters are in and are affected by. And it has the defining aesthetic, this like mix of science and delusion, this investigative approach to time travel. It just does everything in a different way but extremely solid. For that reason, it must stand out.

Revolutionary Girl Utena: I'm not sure strictly speaking I can say it this high enough. I find some of the animation and phrases repetitive and a bit in 'I'll learn to like more' zone. But the dynamics feel different to other anime and the ideas were very interesting, even if I feel I understood 30%. To me it must have this honor because its the second one I've really thought to analyze.

Madoka Magica: This one is one that I feel I forget particulars on how good it is but I remember really adoring. Like its cover does not convey its highly unique style. This one to me is significant because of one, the more emotionally complex roles magical girls are given. And for me personally, it has had some of the more impactful life messages in context of its plot.

Hunter x Hunter: What makes this one good is the sense of style, world building, and writing. They understand Gon's motive is naiv and the world almost fits to match this reaching to the heaven feel. It's hard to describe but it makes all 'anime fighting tropes' actually work in a very solid and interesting manner.

No Game No Life: This one just has the most definitively cool victorious style and music. It has the best 'reveal' moments of any anime. Sora and Shiro aren't mind gaming for their pride but doing it because they like doing it. And they reflect on it towards their personal values towards humanity that I love.

Code Geass: This is the one I binged through the quickest. There's lots of interesting political dynamics that feels in proper coverage on the whole, that leave things in an interesting grey and characters reactions to it all is for the most part reasonable. A part of me has worried on a few contrived plot armor points, might need a rewatch.

Konosuba: Lots of comedy anime are just bad but this one, despite being on the 'trashier' side of things, I actually feel is very well written and utilizing the cast of characters effectively and in varied ways that always make me laugh out loud. Everyone is exaggerated but the exaggerations make contextual sense given their character, and its enjoyable seeing how those interact.

Re:Zero: It's honestly been a long time since I've thought about this one but I just love how they go through this loop and add different angles to the story, and the despair conveyed is excellent. For some reason though the style doesn't resonate with me as much, it feels too notably like 'an adaptation'.

Serial Experiments Lain: This is a bit of a throw in as I don't think I have particular attachment to it but it stuck out to me at least because of its ideas and some of the mind fuck going on there with whats real and whats not. Some take that to be analogous and predictive of modern internet but I didn't take it so deeply as I like to focus more on the exacts of its theory and world building. But, its still pretty cool.

[cadaverousdecay]

hiiii leaf hi helloooo !!!!!! (⁠灬⁠º⁠‿⁠º⁠灬⁠)⁠♡ this is a free space to tell me about your favorite fictional characters from any type of media and/or where you would like to live if you could live anywhere. im bored and you always have interesting things to say <3 (no pressure 2 answer this. its just in case you feel like talking to someone)

hiiiiii nico!!!!! jumping up and down like a kitty cat <33333

well i really like the character spike from buffy the vampire slayer. looooove characters who were meant to show up for a few episodes then die, but instead became a fan favorite and got put on the show as a regular and end up as the most beloved character to a good portion of the audience (see also castiel supernatural and barnabas collins dark shadows)

[spoilers for buffy ahead]

but yeah spike is great, he came onto the show as this badass punk vampire who loves his vampire wife with the most gothic devotion imaginable. cuz at heart what motivates spike and always will is his passionate love. he is self described as “love’s bitch”

anyway, when the fan response gets back as being crazy abt this evil vampire character the creator of the show gets pretty upset cuz he has this thing about good and evil and vampires are supposed to represent evil and be metaphors for problems you face and not supposed to be sexy they already had one sexy vampire and that was more than enough etc etc etc. but he didnt kill spike off. he decided to bring him back to the show

but if he was gonna bring him back and the audience was going to like him, he was gonna have to ‘humanize’ him more. and so he comes back and hes cringefail<3 hes shed his hard shell a little and just becomes this pathetic little guy <3 he even has his traumatic past revealed <3 hes still an antagonist, but then he gets a chip in his head that makes him unable to hurt a living person. and so we have the wonderful arc of “not actually reformed or anything but he’s kinda on our side sometimes i guess?”

and in that time where he cant be his bad old self and is working with (sorta) the main gang, he develops feelings (his biggest weakness) for his mortal enemy, the slayer, buffy. he tries to push them down, then just. deals with them in the most fucked up ways. hes just a fucked up little guy who doesnt know how to deal with his fucked up feelings, hes just like me for real,,,, if tumblr existed when the show took place he would be reblogging “the enormity of my desire disgusts me” and cannibalism-as-a-metaphor-for-desire shit probably. anyway

vampires in the buffyverse dont have souls (there are some exceptions) but spike, even without one, decides to better himself for buffy. and eventually not even to be with her, but just for her. he protects her when she doesnt know it and he doesnt get anything out of it. he protects people she loves because he knows it would hurt her if they got hurt.

he may not be human but his humanity is astounding. anyway, there are definitely slip ups, and writing choices i dont really like, but eventually he decides to make himself something buffy could really love, he decides to go through the excruciating process of getting a soul

and he comes back with his soul suffering bouts of guilt-ridden male hysteria. love to see it. (hes also being haunted kinda) he delivers this one monologue in a church about his soul and guilt and forgiveness which ends with him embracing a cross that seers his flesh. most iconic scene, i memorized it also. for funsies.

then theres this whole sleeper agent murder thing and he thinks hes beyond saving but buffy wont give up on him and her faith in him helps him make it through. in the end, they have moments of reconciliation and spike never believes that she actually loves him but her caring for him at all is good enough

anyway. hes just a really fun guy. theres a lot to him. his characterization can be comedic, passionate, heart wrenching. he contains multitudes. he contains soooo many issues too, i want to study him under a microscope <3 but yeah. i love this weird little vampire from my shows

[watatsumiis]

Hiii General!!!! I've got some questions from the ask game for you! Specifically, 57, 59, 68, 72, 73, 74, 78, 79, and finally 80: How are you enjoying being a part of the astronetwrk?? Is it fun? Stressful? A good community atmosphere? Would you recommend it for newer writers? Multiple of the above?

Hope you're doing well!!!

Hiya Spark !! Tysm for the ask ooo

57. How conscious are you about including symbolism or foreshadowing in your fics?

Not very - a lot of the time when it happens it's more of a happy accident than anything else, but sometimes I might include a little sneaky here and there :3

59. Have you participated in any fic events/writing challenges?  If yes, what were they and did you enjoy them?

Umm nothing that I can recall off of the top of my head hosted by others? Though I do have a quote challenge that someone else tagged me in a while ago in the works still. I've done my own mini-events and they've been fun - and I almost participated in the EBG but backed out at the last minute (as fun as it seemed, it felt like a bit much for me at the time,)

68. Are there any fics that influenced you to write the way you do?

Hm, not that I can think of right now. I never really consumed a very large amount of fanfiction, honestly? Though there are a lot of published authors that inspire me and I've almost definitely picked up quirks of theirs in my writing (specifically Rachel Hartman and Neil Gaiman)

72. What’s your favorite writing compliment you’ve gotten?

I've had a few people compliment my characterisation, which really means a lot to me since I work hard to portray characters in a certain way! I've also had some compliments on my dialogue, as well as my metaphors, which was really lovely since theyre both things i kind of struggle with at times.

I've also had a couple of people express that they enjoy that my content can be read as platonic too, which means a lot to me since that's the sort of content i aim to create! i do also enjoy romance, but theres something special to me about exploring different kinds of dynamics and relationships with characters i like :3

73. What do you tend to get complimented on the most about your writing?

Again, it's usually characterisation and certain throwaway headcanons that i put in there, which is nice!

74. Do you have a fic you wish got a bit more love?

Yeah, there are a few fics here and there that I worked pretty hard on, mostly one-shots and similar pieces that kind of flopped in comparison to my simpler series pieces, but that's okay. I enjoyed writing them and they tend to be the ones I get genuine compliments on, so that's more than enough for me <3

78. What motivates you during the writing process?

Mostly just my interest and enthusiasm in what I'm writing for! If I'm struggling with a piece I'll step back for a while until I feel excited to write it again. I just like creating things, not even specifically to share, just... sometimes the simple act of creation brings so much joy, and it's wild to look back at the sheer amount of stuff that I write!

79. Do you have any writing advice you want to share?

Don't let notes and attention dictate what you write - work on what makes you happy, what you have fun writing, especially if you do it as a hobby. Not every work has to be a total masterpiece, or even has to be posted. Just keep creating for as long as it makes you happy to do so. Go ahead, write that 'cringy' self insert fanfiction you've been thinking about, or that rarepair crack ship you can't get out of your head. You're allowed to write for yourself too - whatever makes you happy, just go for it, don't let anyone else tell you what or how to write.

Your writing is brilliant, it's unique in that you made it, you're the only person who could've made it in that exact way. Don't stop just because it isn't getting the attention you hoped for - write for yourself, not for others. The same goes for a lot of hobbies that include creating, really.

80. How are you enjoying being a part of the astronetwrk?? Is it fun? Stressful? A good community atmosphere? Would you recommend it for newer writers? Multiple of the above?

I haven't really been super active in the network, but it seems welcoming and fun, I've come into contact with a few lovely people through it. The events seem really interesting too, as I said above I almost joined, but bowed out last minute.

I'm someone who struggles a bit with socialising and meeting set standards, so I've been a little quiet and all over the place when it comes to interacting and participating, but the atmosphere seems welcoming I think :>