#and like maybe it’s just the gay ex Catholic in me projecting

[spiritofthespork]

Note: I'm more awake now so hopefully this is more comprehensible

Maybe this is just me looking through my gay goggles, but I feel like the real reason Cullen couldn’t be bi in inquisition is cause it would lead to a major shift in his world view that the games don't neccesarily want to commit to. Like sure, homosexuality is accepted in Thedas (Tevinter is the exception), but like, outside your party it still seems more like an anomaly than the norm, and the game still uses a Very heterosexual worldview. Combine that with how directly they pull from the medieval papacy for the Chantry (creed, aesthetics, templars, and geopolitics) and like all of the anti-magic views of the Chantry is giving 'love the sinner but not the sin' vibes.

But if you’ve ever done the Cullen romance straight or with the bi mod, you know that while the lyrium stuff gets addressed once or twice, him changing and actually accepting mages isn’t ever addressed? It's implied and he never acts anti-mage really past act 1, but we don’t dive into that. And I enjoy this romance but I'm adding in these changes and story moments in my head, which is what makes it work for me. (Part of that is that I played DAI first so I didn't have Cullen from the previous games to compare to) But I feel like to write a satisfying character arc with a male partner especially either mage and/or non-human, they would Have to include him coming to terms with the fact that the problem IS the Chantry and the Templars, its not just Meredith or a few people or something fixable.

BUT we did not get that, because the games tend to try to 'both-sides' all of the social issues outside of Tevinter. They start it a bit and as I said, they imply it in DaI with him going off of lyrium and not technically being a Templar and all that stuff but like don’t really actually deal with the emotions and ramifications that would come with that for him. Just imagine though how funny it would be though, like this dickhead mage comes in, tells you your plan is dumb, but his ass is so fine that it completely resets your worldview. I just find it alot more compelling than cis, straight white boy religious cop gets a girlfriend and lives out their traditional life dreams, the end.

tldr: Cullen coming to terms with being queer would also require him to reevaluate his entire Chantry/Templar worldview further than he does in DAI, we can't have nice things so he remains cannonically straight and boring. But, if you are willing to do the mental writing for a queer romance, its a neat story

[weebsinstash]

Baby~ when I tell you that I just want to CHOMP into Miguel’s steaming hot buns!~ and to make it better his suit is holo-projected!? And he’s commando so I get Instant access!? This man is a kinky fucker!

me, virginal and ignorant: you know, I keep seeing posts about Miguel being caked up and even someone who worked on the movie said they still toned the ass down, but like, how thick actually IS he?

me, suddenly 9 months pregnant: oh my god he's 6'5. Oh my god he's 6'5. Oh my god I know that dick is big. Oh my god.

You know I mentioned that idea about him making Reader a suit similar to his own where it can "turn off and on" in full or in pieces but like, I was thinking of the facemask and removal/bathroom/sex purposes, I don't know why I didn't consider his entire suit is projected. It's nanotechnology which means it's probably like, idk, hard light or something or whatever Tony stark uses idk I'm not a huge marvel person, but, it's probably not like he's QUITE running around naked, but.... it's also fitted on him so good and I mean. That ASS. I want to bite it like an apple. I want to spank his bubble butt just to try and tease him and he spins around to "teach me a lesson for being such a little brat" by pinning me to the nearest surface and railing the fuck outta me. Ass man Miguel constantly squeezing/groping/staring/spanking your ass in private, fucking you from behind so he can spank your butt and watch it bounce with every thrust of his hips

God the idea of him just full on having nothing underneath the suit though... The only thing between Miguel losing his cool and freeing his cock to rail into you like he's trying to continue his family name is a line of code, an internal command, and a prayer to god (also I saw he's canon Catholic so, idk, do with that what you will but my mind immediately goes towards like, obviously if he's a breeding kink yandere sorta scenario it's kind of already said and done that he wouldn't, but, especially in this scenario, Miguel absolutely refusing to let you get any abortions if you got pregnant. Shit, him deliberately not using any --maybe even sabotaging YOUR-- forms of birth control, and like, maybe even extra horror if you're like not even in a relationship with him and you're pregnant from like either a one night stand with someone else or a dead boyfriend or ex or whatever and he won't even "let you" abort someone ELSE'S baby, he's just deadass "no let ME be the child's father, and, also like maybe your husband and we can be a happy nuclear family uwu" with unpoken intentions of having you carry HIS child next after he's gotten you to fall in love with him. But also I guess it'd also be like. Scary as fuck, and sexy but, imagine if he's "normal" and it's like, having a one night stand with you and you suddenly being pregnant is what triggers him into being yandere and he's just immediately "well obviously I should take responsibility and marry you" and like yeah, its how he was raised but also, he's, 100% for it, 2099% for it.)

People in the Spider Society just constantly having Awakenings because they'll be on a mission with him and it's like, fellas is it gay if your boss is in a Spider crouch crawling up a surface in front of you and you're behind/below him and you can't stop staring at his impeccably unfathomably deliciously round ass? Whispers in the food court back in Nueva York "yeah I was there at the Miguel incident last week, yeah the hacker attack, did you see how his suit malfunctioned and he was in just his dick protection for a few seconds, I swear he got SO red"

Miguel uncomfortably getting boners around you that are hidden under his suit and he has to pretend he doesn't have because, it's always something with this man, he's so crazy for you. oh god did you get a new costume, that spandex-like material looks so nice and tight, he likes what it does to your silhouette, and he doesn't even realize he's staring at you as he's suddenly lost in thought in a deep personal fantasy of tearing your spidey suit right off your body after a victory and taking you fast and deep while you're both high on adrenaline. Miguel gifting you your own costume he can hack into just so he can get you unclothed or at least expose your most sensitive areas to him when he needs to use them. One minute you're in his cave or whatever, slightly leaning over a table to look at a lit up display or papers or something, and the next, suddenly he's got your pants "disappearing" and he's behind you, bending you over

But we saw in the film there's communal training and gym areas in the Society so picture you just go to try and keep a routine and stay on your toes and you unintentionally walk in on like, him doing squat thrusts, or crunches, or he's just publicly working out, and there's like a small fanclub watching him exercise and fanning themselves because, wow is that body SPICY

[gaymormonmike]

MARGINALIZED

My focus recently has been on my marginalization as a gay, divorced, single man in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. I had an insight last week as I studied scriptures and pondered and prayed about marginalization in general.

What does it mean if someone is marginalized?

Today, marginalize refers to the act of treating a person or group as though they are insignificant by isolating and/or disempowering them. The term marginalized applies to the person or group that is treated insignificantly, pushed to the margins of society and rendered powerless. Marginalization is the result of discrimination. Discrimination exists in many forms, such as racism, sexism, ableism, ageism, homophobia and xenophobia. Whether or not the discrimination is overt or covert, it marginalizes others and that is unacceptable.

As I thought about that some insights came to mind.

I was a small child marginalized in many ways. I was a Highly Sensitive Person in a family that did not like a HSP boy. I had a father who wanted a boy like his ideal, the man he never was. I grew up early, knowing I was not acceptable, something was wrong in me. I lived in the ghetto of a small Midwestern town. That side of town was regarded as trash. Child abuse was common and just part of life. We did not know any different. I went into a profession, Registered Nurse, dominated by females. Once again, I was marginalized as a "male nurse."  When I was 13, I understood I was attracted to my male friends. I knew that was wrong and I felt so different and so alone and so marginalized. After I joined the LDS church, I accepted that my sexual orientation was a sin that would result in eternal punishment, and I fought against it so hard. I got married, had children and grandchildren and tried to be happy. I was on the outer edge, and I was a man divided against himself.

As I think about the members of my ward and the many good people who pursue being good, I wonder how many of them are marginalized in some aspect.  Maybe they all fall into some marginalized group.

LBGTQA+ and allies

People of color

People of African American descent with family history of slavery

People of religious groups who may not be in favor for various reasons, Jews, Hindus, Buddhists, Mormons, Catholics, Jehovah Witnesses, Snake Baptists, Holy Rollers, Whirlimng Dervishes, etc. etc.

People raised in the wrong part of town.

Single parents, Orphans, Adoptees, Adopted parents, childless parents,

Shamed, self-loathers, want to be someone else’s,

People who project onto others, those projected on, those who use transference to defend themselves,

Married people, teen-agers, pre-teenagers,

People who went to schools that were not the best, community colleges, virtual colleges, home schooled, schools dominated by non-white races.

Latino people, pickers, illegal aliens, people with foreign accents that are not desirable,

People with everyday jobs, housekeepers, hotel cleaners, waiters and waitresses, sewer workers, garbage collectors, used car salesman, scammers, phone solicitors.

People with smelly homes, broken down porches with appliances and furniture on them, uncared for yards.

People with dirty children in bare feet and dirty clothes

Appalachians, hillbillys, southerners, racists, bigots, nazis, KKK, Haters,

women, girls,

Fat people, people with glasses, ugly people, people who spit in public,

Bullies, fighters, controllers, get their wayers

Abusers, sexual, emotional, physical abusers, their victims their survivors

Criminals, jail birds, cons, ex-cons, police, fireman, law enforcement

Lawyers, doctors, nurses,

Republicans, Democrats, Conservatives, Liberals, Communists, Fascists, Libertarians

Rich people, people with no worries or cares or need to help.

People of privilege who can have everything they want.

People who like snakes and lizards

People with odd looking hair, dyed or long or wild or standing up or part shaved, or all shaved or just different

People who are animals, dogs, cats, deer, pigs

People from Poland, Russia, Mexico, China, Asia, people with slanty eyes, with red dots on their foreheads, Muslims, people with turbans, women covered with burkas,

Blondes, especially female

Single people, unmarried, divorced, windowed,

People addicted to drugs, alcohol, pornography, sex, working out,

Lovers of fame, fortune, liars, thieves, politicians,

Heart breakers, non- committers, seducers, pedophiles, enticers, embracers, touchers, feelers,

Homeless people, beggars, street people, shopping cart people.

Atheists, Agnostics, God haters and profaners, 

People who believe they are saved, condemners, better than thouers, people who know it all, prideful people.

Have I left anybody out? Or have I failed to insult you or the group you align yourself with? Or the group you want to forget you ever were a part of? Or the group you are happy to be a part of and do not appreciate being lumped into here?

I also fear that we will compare who has it worse. I say that each situation, whether of our making or by our birth or others’ choices, are legitimate. I have heard or read of thousands who had it worse than me. It did not take away my issues and what I go through. Your trials and tribulations and joys are yours and deserve the same reverence and respect of all others.

These words cannot define or describe the people they may represent. They cannot be equal in their results or effects. First there is the person who experiences these words in their lives. Each is different and unique and deals with a myriad of ways.. Some can turn these experiences into stellar personality adaptations. The environment that you grow up in and the attitudes of those who influence you can change the effect of these situations. They can become a reason to overcome or a reason to despair. Your faith can change how you view life, and its' vagaries can change the outcomes. The options you have or the perceived options you have can change how you react to all situations. The intensity of the experience and its effects on you can vary greatly. It is true that some of these are a result of things you cannot control or change. Others have the potential to be choices that you can control or change. But to some degree we all have traits or situations that others judge, feel superior to or dislike enough to not want to acknowledge your worth or value. If we examine ourselves, we will find we are both victims of and people who sometimes, marginalize others.

My question is how any of us can feel superior or look down on anyone else, when we are all in some way marginalized people?

I am a strong believer in Heavenly Father and Mother and my Savior Jesus Christ. I attest that he made all of us, everyone on the lists above. He loves us fully and completely as we are. He wants us to be better, but He loves us with our faults and offers a way back home to His side. Many of the people I listed above are people that I am either a part of or have judged in my life. I seek to be a better man, a better queer man, a better Christ-like man by realizing that the people at church and in my social sphere that marginalize me are themselves marginalized in some capacity. My goal is to help us all see that and accept that we can love one another because we are different and we have incredible stories and incredible pasts and that we can all become more loving, accepting and affirming.

[convoloutedinjoke]

“It’s the only part of shaving I look forward to” -> a degree of disappointment that he kind of Has to shave or he has scraggly ass been-on-T-for-three-years facial hair

Alters his own clothes -> had to learn to make clothes fit+camouflage his frame on a budget without looking like he’s wearing a tent

Spares Harry another 20 hour mind project-> is he just more comfortable with Harry or is he giving up the I’m Gay info to avoid being can opened and having to eventually explain what gender identity means, thus wasting more time that should be spent solving the case? Probably the first one but it would be funny if “I’m gay” was a tactical diversion to postpone the inevitable genderbread man conversation

Lingering cultural dolorianism in spite of professed atheism -> fantasy ex catholic. Classic transgender trait

Ambivalence about name-> to get serious on this silly post for a second, I agree that this dialogue is about having complicated feelings wrt. Race, national identity, heritage, belonging/not being seen as belonging in the only place you’ve ever known and being othered for the arbitrary symbols that mark a person out as different. That is what this dialogue is about and it is boring to push that aside to make it about gender, which is why it’s great that the two interpretations are not only capable of coexisting but can be symbiotic if executed right. I don’t know what legal transition would look like in Revachol but based on everything else we see, I’m guessing population documentation is pretty loose and fallable. Social security is almost definitely a paid opt in if it exists at all, and there’s a good chance that means most peoples primary documentation in life is a birth certificate, a death certificate and a smattering of census data along the way. Kim’s an orphan from the revolution, meaning he might not even have a birth certificate. If the main documents displaying his gender are RCM staff files and his badge, maybe he just… had it issued with the right gender marker at some point? Said it was a typo? Had someone higher in the chain of command say it was a typo as a means of solidifying this very useful but chronically under-promoted jr officers loyalty? Idk, but either way the name isn’t changing. So now in stead of Kim (Revacholean + presumed Female) he’s Kim (presumed Seolite + Male) and it’s affirming and it’s othering and it clashes with his sense of self and he wishes he could’ve picked something different and he’s grateful to have kept one of the few things his parents gave him and he’s bothered by it, feels stuck with it and he can’t imagine being called anything else. Idk. The intersections. Compels me

Smoked weed as a youth -> you know how it is when you’re transgender

(Excitedly hopping from foot to foot because i found a new improved avenue for making obnoxious posts) Yuo can interpret the vast majority of the personal details you canonically learn about Kim through a transgender len- (I am sniped by an emissary of the SNAFU headcanon society)

[marley-manson]

☕️ + Trapper?

Thank you for asking! I’m putting this under a cut bc it got a little long.

I love him. I'm really looking forward to getting back around to the first three seasons on this rewatch (I started Mash in season 7 bc I'd casually watched the first half a decade ago and the original plan was just to finish it lol) because I really want to pay more attention to him, both for fic purposes and general appreciation purposes.

So pending that rewatch, what I love most about him is his vibe with Hawkeye. Like I originally got into Mash pretty much solely for the barrage of gay jokes, and boy do they deliver on that promise. They're so fun together, their chemistry is very engaging, and they have a very in-sync, very mutually supportive vibe.

There's a pretty popular take that Trapper sort of mentored Hawkeye/supported him as the new kid, and Hawkeye passed along the favour to BJ, and I think that's a solid legit interpretation, but I think it sells Hawkeye's support of Trapper a little short. Trapper looks out for Hawkeye, does his best to protect him and stand with him and create a united front against any of their enemies from Frank to the entire army to the war, and Hawkeye also does the same when Trapper needs him - he's with him every step of the way when he tries to adopt Kim, he stops him from making stupid rash decisions as best as he can a few times, he's good with little supportive gestures and outpourings of emotion.

If Hawkeye supports Trapper less than the reverse it's because Trapper got fewer dramatic moments where he needed it because the writing tended to focus on Hawkeye imo. And I really enjoy that mutual support vibe - I can easily imagine that if Wayne Rogers stayed on through the character development years he would've gotten a lot more emotional plotlines featuring Hawkeye being supportive the way BJ did.

But to focus on Trapper specifically rather than just his relationship with Hawkeye, I love the aforementioned protectiveness, which we also see with Kim and Margaret a couple times. I think there are a few interesting implications wrt some of the lines, like the ex-Catholic thing. Not Catholic, but his parents wanted him to be a priest? I'd love to see his relationship with his family explored - maybe they're estranged, maybe he married too young to get away from them and start his own life, maybe he married for money to go to med school after being cut off.

If he's not religious but was raised very Catholic that's also interesting personality-wise. To me it suggests a certain free spirited streak, contrariness and/or urge to question, which fits perfectly with his and Hawkeye's attitudes towards the army as well. Like, to take that and run with it, I don't think he was just supporting Hawkeye's campaigns against the army, I think he also found value in them, and he probably really loves Hawkeye's rebellious streak in particular.

(Granted a lot of this is projection bc I have close family members who were raised in a christian cult, a few of whom left it, so I have some preconceived ideas about what type of person leaves an intense religious sect and possibly their family along with it.)

I also like to think he’s knowingly bi and has been around the Boston scene, much like Hawkeye, though I think he’s much better at subtlety than Hawkeye. I’m sure I’ve said this before but like, since we’re all taking Hawkeye’s jokes as his bi evidence then it just makes sense to do the same for Trapper, who has many of the same jokes with a very similar vibe and eagerly participates and hits on dudes like Klinger and Frank as well.

Hm what else... I like his cynicism in contrast to Hawkeye's idealism, as seen in Ceasefire, Mail Call, possibly Alcoholics Unanimous though I'm really feeling the need to rewatch to get the details correct now lol. But as a general vibe I think it's a good counterpoint to Hawkeye and I wonder where it comes from - I generally assume they were drafted around the same time, Trapper a few weeks earlier based on his conversation with Frank in O.R. and possibly the book continuity from my understanding, so I don't think it's just that he's been in Korea longer, I think it's something about Trapper as a person.

That's actually another reason he maybe supports Hawkeye on his campaigns so much - maybe he appreciates Hawkeye's idealism because he doesn't have much of it on his own. Trapper can ground Hawkeye a little and make him a bit more aware of consequences, but at the same time Hawkeye can inspire Trapper a little and make him see more possibilities.

I also think he's smarter and more observant than he's given credit for. He's straightforward but in an open and honest way, not in a simple or ignorant way. Like the common joke that if BJ and Trapper ever met BJ would be playing 4D chess and driving himself crazy and Trapper would have no idea and just be happy to meet a friend of Hawkeye's - like in that joke context, if that was BJ's vibe, I think Trapper would be aware of BJ's paggro hostility and simply ignore it. That's how I see Trapper.

So yeah basically I think Trapper has a lot of potential for depth to draw on, and he’s a great and very entertaining partner for Hawkeye, and I wish he got more seasons but life isn’t fair sadly.

[blushbot]

owo ocs u say? have u got a lot? Just a few? Would you give a brief rundown of your favs? I like other people's ocs.

TRIPS OVER MYSELF TO ANSWER THIS

I have...like.......I wanna say like 8 main ocs right now, related to my would-be comic A Thorn Stood Between (usually abbreviated to ATSB) and like of those 5 that I really focus in on as my faves.

My current icon is (very old) art of one of them! His name is Gautier he’s a 516 year old vampire, he’s genderfluid (more masculine than anything else but there is wiggle room in there...) and he was born in Paris. He’s a bastard BUt he loves his family. All of them. The whole family tree. Even the ones who don’t accept the gift of vampirism. He’s telepathic and can fuck with peoples dreams also. He was turned by another of my ocs, an ancient Roman vampire who currently goes by the name Aurelio (it was originally Aurelius!) and they were lovers for uh... maybe a century before Aurelio had to go to Egypt for a currently indeterminate amount of time (this part of his backstory is barely fleshed out right now sorry) and didn’t leave any indication of why he had to leave and never sent any letters back to Rome or anything... Once he came home, no worse for wear, gautier got pissed because he figured Rello was dead and he stormed out, never to be seen again.

Aurelio is in his 2000s... he’s forgotten his exact birthdate so for simplicity’s sake he always says he’s 2000 and that his birthday is on January first. He’s demiromantic/pansexual, he kinda sorta has depression, and he’s a writer! He’s got his work published under many different names spanning... his whole life pretty much. He can also turn stuff into gold. I like to call it a selective Midas touch. I have the idea of him being a Roman emperor who faked his own death to not get assassinated for real rattling around in my head but idk if I want that to actually be canon.

My main character and current favorite boy is named Benji. He’s a piece of shit stoner who self medicates with weed for his anxiety and ADHD because he refuses to take his actual meds. He also kind of gets murdery if he doesn’t smoke weed because he’s only been a vampire for about 100 years. Gautier turned him when he was just 25 because Benji had watched his then-lover, Lance, die in some sort of work related accident, while he was in New York to go to school. He went back home to Montreal, gautier saw the state he was in, and... Benji was afraid of dying so he accepted gau’s “gift.” He almost went blind the first night he was a vampire because he stayed outside at sunrise and looked at the sun and now he has to wear glasses forever. In like the 50’s he reached the murdery phase that all young vampires go through and somehow got himself a wife at the same time? Who he got pregnant? But then he tried Drugs for the first time and it fucked with his head and he almost killed his wife but he decided to just leave instead because he was like actually lucid for once and realized he was a menace to society. He ended up living in a hippie commune for a while, got into punk subculture in like the 80s, dated another character, Desdemona, in the 90s until she cheated on him. A few years before ATSB starts a vampire hunter shows up in Montreal and almost kills him so he flees to the city he and Desdemona lived in, Theodore, hoping that she still lived there in the same apartment. She did and she let him live there! But Desdemona has a dickhead boyfriend named Luca who happens to be an alpha werewolf and he and benji do not get along but it’s fine. Really. Benji was really uncomfortable sleeping on their couch at first but he got over it. Until he crashed his car. Despite that he kept putting off finding his own place. He did manage to find himself a boyfriend though! Another main character and best boy, in fact :]

Zeb is a big buff himbo and he’s GAY and TRANS because I like to project. Zeb is an ex-Catholic satanist and part of him and Benji bonding at first was Zeb telling benji about how he beat up a nun and got expelled from catholic school when he was like 13. ...truth be told, the two met on Grindr and were SUPPOSED to just hook up but. Benji fell in love with Zeb immediately upon laying eyes on him (plus Zeb kind of looks like lance...) and insisted they go on a date instead. Zeb agreed and now 2.5 years later at the beginning of ATSB they are living together and in wuv. Zeb has a Pomeranian named princess and if anything were to happen to her he would kill everyone in the room and then himself. Princess is very small. Zeb can hold her with one hand. That makes him cry sometimes but unless you’re benji or his best friend Monica he will End you if you ever see him crying. He has a shitty mom and doesn’t like to talk about it. Zeb is a mechanic and works for his dad’s rival, which is the only thing his dad is unsupportive of. He has an older brother named Ray who lives in like Seattle or something whom he hasn’t seen in person for a while and he kind of dreads Ray eventually visiting because Ray is a vegan and zeb doesn’t know how to feed a vegan. Zeb really likes muscle cars and motorcycles and benji fucking bought him a vintage muscle car for his birthday or something one year because benji doesn’t have a good grasp on the value of money and zeb cried.

The last of the main 5 is Wiley...he’s the very oldest of my current ocs out of universe but the youngest in universe. He’s a 23 year old and he still lives with his parents on their family’s farm. He’s a werewolf BUT NOT THE SAME KIND AS LUCA. He’s a beta which I assure you isn’t related to a/b/o please believe me please. (I can explain the difference if you want) he’s a good ol country boy from the south but he’s actually good I mean that genuinely. He’s gay because I can’t resist having exclusively mlm in my main cast. He is just a simple farmer with self esteem issues. He was kind of a dickhead in middle school and to overcompensate for that he’s overly nice to everyone he meets. Part of why he acted a fool is because he hadn’t come to terms with being gay yet, part of is it because his folks moved up to Theodore, NY (as far as I know that isn’t the name of a real place. That’s a fictional city that I made up to be the setting if that’s the name of a real place I’m gonna die) because that’s where his grandpappy went to retire and Wiley’s dad, Baxter, wanted to be with his pa when he died. And Wiley wasn’t really able to properly process all of that when he was like 13. So he acted out... he and benji are best friends nowadays and benji and his younger brother, Grayson, are the only people he can really be rude to. He just can’t do it. He sells his family’s produce at a local farmers market every Saturday.

I’d talk about desdemona, Luca, and Monica a bit more but I’ve written a damn novel already Jesus Christ. I have a toyhouse if you wanna take a look there though!!! A lot of pages are kind of outdated and only four characters have proper profiles (gau, Aurelio, benji, And Zeb. I’m sorry Wiley) but you can at least see what my guys look like on there!

[sunflower-live]

1 - The Afterlife Fic (The Best I Ever Had in My Entire Life.. Or Death) | LovingCup | 491,253 words

Arriving in Judgement City UK after dying in a tragic accident, Louis is on trial to prove his fearlessness in life. If he lived a life of fear, he will be sent back to be reborn. After meeting his soulmate, he knows that isn’t an option. Louis will do whatever it takes to make sure he can move forward in the universe with Harry.

2 - The Second Hand Unwinds | FullOnLarrie | 51,571 words

Louis Tomlinson is one of the first members of NASA's top secret Chrono Exploration Program. When things go wrong and he's sent further back in time than planned, he has no other option than to show up on his ex-boyfriend's doorstep.

3 - Red Hands | reveries_passions | 132,787 words

A dystopian au in which Harry, an ex-soldier who’s escaped from his government run camp, accidentally stumbles across the biggest rebel movement in the country, and Louis, one of the rebellion’s mysterious leaders who appears to hate him, seems to simultaneously have an obsession with keeping him alive. 

4 - Wear It Like A Crown | zarah5 | 141,303 words

As part of a team of fixers hired to handle a gay scandal in Buckingham Palace, Louis expects Prince Harry to be a lot of things—most notably a royally spoilt brat. Never mind that the very same Prince Harry used to star in quite a number of Louis' teenage fantasies.

5 - Through Eerie Chaos | MediaWhore | 102,104 words

For as long as anyone can remember, Old Hillsbridge Manor has always been believed to be haunted. Everyone in the village agrees and keeps a respectful, fearful, distance. New in town after a bad breakup and an internship that led to disappointment rather than a permanent job, Harry Styles figures taking pictures of the decrepit building could be a great new creative project. Or at least a much-needed distraction while he searches for a job and crashes at his parents’ new house. No one warned him about the apparitions though; about the music, the laughter, the people who flicker and vanish when you call after them, the echoes of a past that should be long gone… Harry has never believed in spirits but even he can admit that there’s something weird going on. What starts as mere curiosity evolves into a full-blown investigation and soon enough, Harry finds himself making friends with an aristocrat from the 1920s and struggling with finding the best way to tell him that he’s dead.

6 - The Wonderlands | stylinsoncity | 150,542 words

Harry's daughter, Andy, is signed to Louis' girl band. Her path to success is marked by competition, chaos, and for Harry, a love affair.

7 - Nocturne in Silver and Blue | tinyweirdloves | 97,594 words

Louis is a fallen star and Harry brings him home. Told over the course of fourteen years.

8 - Lightning Strikes Twice | dinosaursmate | 104,570 words

Rock star Harry Styles was nineteen when he met Louis, a groupie with a huge heart that Harry couldn’t quite shake from his mind. Fate granted him a second chance at the age of sixty, his washed up and lonely existence being transformed by a widower with a bookshop.

9 - Keep This Love in a Photograph | suspendrs | 48,148 words

It’s 1919, and Harry’s been falling in love with his best friend for his entire life.

10 - With a Whimper | kitundercover | 132,813 words

Dystopian AU. Louis has been alone for too long to remember how not to be, and Harry has too much to worry about to deal with a scrawny, wild, stranger.

11 - Never Let Me Go | loveisalaserquest17 | 55,949 words

Harry and Louis have been friends forever, but they couldn't be more different. One night, with a little too much alcohol, they make a pact to marry in ten years if they're both still single. Now, one month before the deadline, Louis is willing to do whatever it takes to avoid ending up with his best friend. But is he, really?

12 - Take Me Down With You | harrystylesandstuff | 107,872 words

Walking the suicide bridge in Bristol one night, a mysterious guy shows up to try to convince Louis to jump. When this guy keeps showing up during his attempts, maybe it’s not such a coincidence.

13 - No One Does It Better | nodibs | 49,536 words

Harry's an alcoholic and Louis is a bartender. The first time they meet isn't the first time they've met.

14 - Falling Into Place | summerwine | 40,757 words

One night in New York City, Louis makes the hardest decision he's ever had to make and leaves Harry for their own good. Nine years later, Louis is starting to make something of himself in the art world but somehow finds his way back to Harry.

15 - Just Me, You, and This Box of Matches | tomlinsunshine | 87,020 words

Louis is fairly sure that his new neighbour is going to destroy him. And also their apartment building, and the dumpsters outside, and all the forests within a thirty mile radius. But. Mostly him.

16 - Runaway Land | daggerinrose | 103,610 words

Louis is sure he’s stumbled upon a secret, underground nightclub, though that is far from the truth. He’s also pretty sure he’s stumbled upon Apollo, which… isn’t very far from the truth, actually.

17 - Take a Sad Song and Make it Better | amory | 53,217 words

Louis would do anything for his godson. So when Louis takes Jude into his home during Harry's latest stint in rehab, it might just be the time for Louis and Harry to face their past to give Jude the future he deserves.

18 - Now in a Minute | thealmightyavocado | 150,462 words

On Louis 13th birthday something inexplicable happens - he wakes up 17 years older (and 17 years in the future). He finds himself living the dream. He’s a rich and uber famous football player. The only thing missing from his life is his best friend Harry.

19 - Shake Me Down | AGreatPerhaps12 | 208,589 words

Catholic boy Harry is starting college after attending a conversion camp. He’s fixed, there’s no way he’s gay anymore. He also will not talk to Louis, the leader of the campus LGBTQIA club.

20 - I Believe Him When He Tells of Loving Me | bitterlee | 28,894 words

Louis doesn’t remember Harry. Harry takes him home.

21 - Across the Lines | alex4968 | 28,773 words

With a camera in hand, Louis sets off on the road trip of his life to explore the most famous haunted houses of the UK. Things don't exactly go to plan.

22 - Heading for Limbo | FullOnLarrie | 100,866 words

Childhood best friends who’ve fallen in and out of touch with each other since Louis’ family moved away when they were thirteen, Harry and Louis find their paths crossing again and again. Each time, no matter how many miles apart or how many years it’s been, it’s as if no time has passed. They fall back into their easy friendship, until life intervenes and sends them on their separate ways once more.

23 - Own the Scars | crinkle-eyed-boo | 144,706 words

After an “accident”, Louis is forced into rehab. His best friend, Harry, never saw it coming and he feels awful because of that. Staying by his side through it all, tough love leads to another kind of love.

24 - And Then a Bit | infinitelymint | 158,824 words

In a world were Larry was never real, and they were just very close best friends, Harry and Louis agree to the “mother of all publicity stunts”. They’re finally giving the fans what they want after seven years since One Direction was formed and a two year hiatus.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #178

“for such a little thing, you sure are in your own way.”

What’s your favorite type of bird? Barn owls are actual deities. What was on the last sandwich you ate? Pb & j. What sort of music did you listen to when you were in high school? Same stuff I listen to now, although I had a mild screamo-ish phase. Have you ever gotten back together with an ex? No. How far away is the closest store to your house and what is it? Some cheap dollar store in the town, dunno names. What is your favorite Thai dish? Haven't tried any. When was the last time you made out with somebody? Over a month back. What month of the year was your mother born? August. Are there any candles in your bedroom, and what scent are they? No. What TV show(s) have you been watching currently? None. How many apps do you have on your phone? Six. My phone has so, so little storage ugh. Have you ever dated a smoker? If not, would you? No to both. Are there any movies you’ve seen so many times? Yeah, sure. Of course a lot as a kid, Finding Nemo and The Lion King 1 & 2 especially, then I've watched both Blair Witch Project movies a lot, Jim Carrey's How the Grinch Stole Christmas... How would you describe your sense of humor? Sarcastic. What’s your favorite type of bread? Pumpernickel. Do you share a middle name with any of your siblings? Yeah. Have there ever been any brushfires/wildfires in your area? Yeah. What did you have to eat for dinner last night? Nothing (Thanksgiving was lunch). Do you have separate emails for personal and business? No. Have you ever missed a flight? Yes. Do you know your significant other’s passwords? No, I have no reason to. Would you like to study abroad one day? No. Does someone have a crush on you but you don’t feel the same way? Idk. Who do you feel most beautiful around? Sara. /v\ What’s one makeup item you cannot live without? I could easily live without any. Is there one thing all of your ex’s had in common? All guys. Did you french kiss before you were 16? No. Imagine your spouse just died; would you get re-married? I don't know if I would. Like... I'd never stop loving her, so "moving on" to someone else just because she's no longer physically here would feel disloyal. What’s your favorite thing about life? New, fun experiences and creating strong bonds with people like you. Who pays for the first date? Idrc, but probably whoever proposed the date? Or split the bill? Have you ever had a friend that got a bf/gf, and then completely ignored you? Yeah. Do you play any computer games, if so, what ones? Not currently 'cuz my gaming laptop has to be fixed. :| When it is and I have my own income, I might return to WoW, but I'm not sure. I think the subscription is kinda high, and I have more important things to handle. What is the funniest movie you’ve ever seen? Idk why I find White Chicks so goddamn funny. What lyric means the most to you? Off the very top of my head, "A bloody war behind my eyes; I'll come all right on the other side" from "Free" by Mother Mother. Really makes me think of all I've been through but how I keep coming out stronger. Who is the smartest person you know? Girt. What’s the next movie you will see in theaters? Idk. Are you adopted? No. What band do you like that most people hate? You canNOT look me in the face and say you don't like at least one Nickelback song. I don't get the hate. Any new bands that you actually enjoy? Oh idk. What is your escape from reality? RPing. Do you have any self-inflicted scars on your arms? You can only just barely see them. Do you like “scene” hair? YEAH AND I ALWAYS FUCKING WANTED IT BUT I COULD NEVER POSE IT CORRECTLY 'CUZ MY HAIR WAS TOO THICK AND HEAVY. Have your parents ever been to jail? No. If your friend asked you to hold their drugs, would you? Definitely not. Does it scare you when a relationship moves too fast? Y E A H Would you ever consider hitchhiking? I don't know if I would even in a desperate situation... I don't trust people. Have you ever hitchhiked? No. Have you ever been to a music festival? No. What color car do you want to have? Burnt orange. Would you rather hike a mountain or explore a cave? Explore a cave!!! Would you rather wear a flower crown or veil? Probably a veil? Do you believe peace on earth is attainable? I honestly don't believe so. What type of tattoo do you want? s o  m a n y What is your favorite insect? Butterflies. Would you ever live in the desert? Nooooo. Fuck the heat. Is your town beautiful? I don't really live in one, but the closest town isn't. Which season do you want to get married in? Autumn. Are totem poles cool? YEAH! Favorite art forms? Conceptual photography. What kind of music do you enjoy? Plenty sorts of metal, rock, and alternative. Do you have any gay friends? Yeah. Where is your favorite place to go? The zoo, even though I have mixed feelings about them... Do you know your dad? Yeah. How often do you get on Facebook? At least once a day. Are you related to anyone who’s in prison? Don't think so?? What concerts are you attending in the near future? Y'ALL I MIGHT FUCKING SEE OZZY IN JANUARY. He and Megadeth are coming to Charlotte and the tickets aren't too bad. :') It's a loooong drive but Mom was like "hell yeah" when I told her and wants to buy tickets after she gets her tax return AH. Metallica is a possibility too, but Mom doesn't think she can afford it. If you were kicked out of your house, where would you go first? Dad's. What are you currently looking forward to? Sara's b-day, Christmas, hopefully getting my laptop fixed, aforementioned concerts, and school. What was the reason you got grounded for last? Idk, that was a long time ago. But most likely for "talking back" to Mom. The last two people you kissed, are they virgins? Yes; probably not. Is there a guy that knows everything or mostly everything about you? Yeah. Do you sleep on a certain side of the bed? A bit to the left. If you could have anything delivered to your doorstep each morning, what would it be? Um,,, money?????? What is one vacation destination that many people think is just fabulous but which you personally have no desire to visit (or revisit)? New York City. Heard from my sister it's a shithole with the craziest and rudest people known to Planet Earth. I'm not big on cities, anyway. Which animated character is your all-time favorite? Uhhhhhh... Dory, maybe? If you could own a home on the shore of any body of water in the world, which waterfront would you choose? I WANT THE PINK BEACHES OF THE BAHAMAS. But I'm scared of the Bermuda Triangle so will probably never see them. :'''''') What serves as the greatest motivation for you in your daily life? MY RECOVERY. If I got through what I have, I can't ever give up and roll back down that hill. I'm focusing to always improve. If you could have any round object in the world, what spherical item would you want? t h e  g a m e s p h e r e ,  l a d s If you were left alone for one hour with nothing more than a pen and a notepad, what would you be inclined to draw or write during those 60 minutes? Practice eyes or start a poem. If you could witness anything at all in super-slow motion, what would you want to see? Hmmm... OH, maybe a big cat's tongue licking meat. See how it actually shears tiny bits off. Cats' tongues are cool. What do you forget to do more often than anything else? Take my anxiety med at the right time. If you could teach everyone in the world one skill, what would it be? Compassion. You’ve been offered the chance to paint a billboard along a highway with any message you choose, as long as it’s only 10 words long. What is your message? Oh jeez, I'd have to think too hard on this. Who’s the last guy to give you roses? Tyler. Did your parents do drugs when they were younger? Not to my knowledge, and I doubt they would've. Do you have any relatives who live on a different continent than you? I don't believe so. What are your religious beliefs? Were you raised with those beliefs, or did you develop them on your own? I'm a theist, entailing I believe in a creator, but I know nothing about him/her/it. I personally picture them as a peaceful and sage deity that allows life to go on without it intervening anywhere, letting the world evolve on its own and see how we adapt to our unique settings and handle life. In the end, I believe we are either given some form of paradise or a type of damnation depending on how you wrote your story. I like to imagine the good go to their personal vision of "Heaven," and I wonder if the paranormal activity some experience in life are the acts of the damned, apparently confined to remain on Earth or something. Anyway, I wasn't raised with such beliefs; they were developed. I was brought up Catholic, then I turned to just simple Christianity as I didn't agree with a lot of Catholic ideas, and most recently I abruptly turned away from that in favor of theism. How did you and your significant other celebrate your last anniversary? We went out for breakfast. What has been your favorite house/apartment/etc you’ve ever lived in? My last house for location, as a house itself, my childhood one. What’s something in your house that currently needs to be cleaned? I need to vacuum my room. Do you still remember any of the dreams or nightmares you had as a child? Yup. What’s the most bizarre conspiracy theory you’ve ever heard of? The world is donut-shaped. Yeah. Do you have a good sense of direction? Not. At. All. Who was your first crush? Did you ever actually date them? Dylan, and no. What’s the weirdest, rudest, or most ridiculous thing a guest has ever done in your home? Who knows. Has anyone ever told you you’re manipulative? I don't think so. Do you know anyone who owns their own business? No. When was the last time you weren’t 100% sober? Uhhh maybe that movie night with Colleen and Chelsea. Is obtaining a college degree something that is important to you? Well, for my possible career future. Have you ever eaten at a vegan restaurant? No. Do you view substance abuse as a disease or a choice? I have... mixed feelings here. Starting something, that is indisputably a choice. Becoming addicted though, I'm not sure. Some people have addictive personalities so have a bigger inclination to become addicted, but isn't that just a personal trait/weakness you can fight?? I dunno. I know it's labelled as a disease by people way more informed than me though, so. What does the last text you sent say? Don't feel like checking. Does it bother you when people call you ‘ma'am’ or ‘sir?’ No. I live in the South, that's polite. Have you ever been obsessed with a television character? Does Dory count for movies? ha ha Do you ever wish you had powers of invisibility? Not really. What was the last thing that changed your life completely? Recovery. Do you have any step siblings? One. Have you ever been questioned by the police? No. In which state/country were you born? NC, U.S.A. Have you ever been to an amusement park out of state? Disney World. What do you normally drink when eating at a fast food restaurant? Coke or Mountain Dew. Have the police ever been looking for you? Not because I did something wrong; I've told the beach story a few times. If you chew gum, which kind is your favorite? I love the watermelon Hubba Bubba one asjfawoeu Have you ever kissed someone of the same sex? Yeah. What was the last liquid that you choked on? Water, just this morning when I was taking my meds ah. How many times did you wake up today before actually getting up? Well, I woke up once in the middle of the night like usual, then I woke up at like, 6-something and went back to sleep. Who did you celebrate your last birthday with? Mom, sises, Ash's husband and kids, and Dad stopped by. Was your last kiss initiated by you or the other person? I think it was kinda a simultaneous thing. We were saying bye. Do you buy a ton of things at the store at once or just for that day? Mom does the shopping, but it depends on how much time she has and what's at the house. When getting dressed do you put your pants or shirt on first? Pants. When you kiss a person where do your hands usually go? I actually don't know if it's a consistent thing for me??? I don't kiss anyone regularly so I don't recognize a pattern. What is one song you listen to that you’re sure not many people do? "False Flags," probs. Massive Attack is so neglected of the attention they deserve. Do you use a handrail on stairs if there is one? Yes, I'm scared of tripping. What was the last thing you saw that made you smile? Teddy came right up into my face wanting attention. What is your favorite drinking game? Never played any. Do you have any tattoos that you don’t like anymore? I think I've mentioned why I don't love my "ohana" one now. I'm getting it covered at some point. My "perfectly flawed" one is probably getting covered by a much bigger piece; I picked a bad location for it to want a sleeve. I'd just maybe redesign it, put if somewhere else. Do you have a shower curtain or door? Curtain. Who was the last person from your high school graduating class you saw? Probs Colleen? Who was the last non-relative you hung out with? Sara. Are you listening to anything right now? I'm way too obsessed with "Black Wedding" by In This Moment (feat. Rob Halford). Rob makes it, and the chorus is awesome. How many keys are on your keychain? One. Who was the last person you took a photograph with? Ryder, my nephew. Are you left handed? No. What were you most scared of when you were little? Losing my mom/being separated from her. Are you biracial? No. When was the last time you painted your nails? What color(s)? I couldn't even guess. Has a stranger ever offered to buy you a drink? Thank fuck no. Have you ever overflown a bathtub? Don't think so. What’s at the top of your to-do list in life? Stay positive, never stop aiming to improve. What was the last thing you shared? Well, Thanksgiving food. Where are you most ticklish? Feet. Do not- Which cartoon character do you want to keep as a pet? Uhhhh how 'bout an Espeon. I imagine them to be calm and silently affectionate like cats and very intelligent. Have you ever considered a career in music/acting? No. When was the last time you felt seriously embarrassed? Getting food yesterday. Per usual, let things die down, but I still ended up crammed in a corner, unable to go in any direction while someone was trying to get past me. I was headed for an anxiety attack and felt like a total nuisance. I'm pretty sure it showed in how I was whipping my head around, shuffling in various directions, clearly wanting the fuck out. Have you ever liked a song, looked up the lyrics to it, then hated it? No, lyrics can't ruin a song I like the sound of. What would be the icing on the cake for you this Christmas? A PS4, omg. I have to get my laptop fixed and a new camera, so I highly doubt I'm getting that or a tablet considering cost. I want to play the Spyro Reignited trilogy beyond words, like I refuse to even watch a let's play because I want to experience it all first-hand, but. Yeah, unlikely anytime soon. If you had the opportunity to live forever, would you take it? Noooooo. Do you like quesadillas? Only chicken and/or cheese ones. Did you like the show Invader Zim? I surprisingly never saw it. What’s the greatest/most influential song you’ve ever heard? "Life Won't Wait" by Ozzy always makes me wanna get off my ass and do something. What’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever seen in a grocery store? A HUGE BOX OF ANIMAL HEADS IN THE MIDDLE OF WAL-MART, BECKONING THE FURRIES INTO ITS DEPTHS. Have you ever bought yourself a present on Christmas? No. Well, I've used money I've been given on Christmas, if that counts. Have you ever been on a mechanical bull? No. Do you need a key card to get into the building you live in? No. Have you ever stepped in chewing gum? Yes. Name all the people you know that you’ve seen today. Just Mom.

[spale-vosver]

A Year In Review: 2018 Edition

I don’t normally make my own posts here, nor are they ever personal (I say as though I make posts at all), but since the year is very close to being over—in fact, as I’m writing this it’s 11:02 PM on December 31st—I wanted to look back at where I’ve been and where I still have to go; review the year, basically.

2018 was one hell of a bumpy year for me, though bumpy isn’t inherently bad. I met some amazing friends (you’ll all be mentioned later on) and at the same time lost and almost lost some amazing ones, whether it was to them moving away or my own mistakes. I got involved in so many new things I’d never done before: I got fully involved in theatre, I got kind of maybe in shape, I started caring about my health, I met so many new people both irl and online, I asked my (now ex but still best friend) girlfriend out for the first time it was honestly so new to me and coming out of my shell was an experience I needed.

As the year progressed and school wrapped up, though, I started to wane a bit. Anyone who knows me knows that summer wasn’t great mental health, especially since I was cooped up inside all day doing absolutely nothing but watching YouTube and playing way too much Crusader Kings, and everyone I interacted with felt the effects. I wasn’t nearly as accountable for my own health as I should have been, and I ended up hurting the same amazing people I’d met that year. Truth be told, I’ve still not fully recovered from those mistakes, and though I know no one holds it against me, they’re still some of my biggest regrets. Even now I’m still making them, but each time I make one, it’s less severe than the last time, and each time progressively less and less bad, so I’m improving, though not as fast as I want to, and unfortunately that speed won’t be achieved until I finally start CBT.

Speaking of that, this year wasn’t totally awful on the mental health front, though, considering I both went to a gender therapist to speak about advancements in my transition and was properly diagnosed with anxiety and depression and probably autism, and I can finally start treatment for them. When I do, my own efforts won’t be in vain, and I’ll hopefully have a leg up on whatever treatment I start. I just hope it comes soon, though, because seasonal depression can actually kiss my ass and no, Pennsylvania, 11 days is NOT a suitable amount of time for a break.

Anyways, now on to the real gushy stuff where I @ my friends and acquaintances and tell them how much I lurvvvv them. So, starting off with who I met first:

@thefunrepository/Camille/pash: When you let me join your discord server, I met some of the best people and best friends I’ve ever had, and for that, I’m eternally grateful. Even though you’ve now left that server, when you were there, you tolerated so much of my incessant rambling and @ing and my overall teenage boy-i-ness, but you never made me feel excluded, and I loved every second of it. Thank you so much for even tolerating me, because when I joined and was even just talking to you, that was what I needed most. (P.S.: here’s a New Years resolution for you: FINISH A WIP thanks bye I love you)

@xinnic: my fellow Irish Catholic fam, you’ve been nothing but supportive of me and my work from day one, and I can’t count how many nights over the pretty-shitty summer I spent cooling down by rambling to you about my gay trash kids and my gay trash WIP. Likewise, I’ve never gotten tired of your ramblings about your gay trash kids and your gay trash WIP, and your rambles have singlehandedly made me weak for Roísín in 1000 different ways. You’ve always been there when I needed to talk or reference something, and when you bring your meme game, it’s top tier. I remember almost crying when you started the binder squad, and though it’s no longer around, I still appreciate it. Thank you so much for caring and just being you.

@lilquill: man, oh man do we have a weird relationship. I honestly kind of thought you were annoying at first and no that’s not unique to you but I also warmed up to you really quickly. Your energy levels are unmatched and no matter how tired I am, your ability to somehow shout over text fixes that. You’ve spearheaded so many weird and memorable moments for the hell server, including the readings that led us to our voice reveals, to the ACOTRASH find and replace kerfuffle, and so many other things. Besides that, you’ve been a great friend, always pushing me to do better and be better and calling me out when necessary; I may not show it the best, but I appreciate all of it, and I probably wouldn’t be who I am right now without you. You’re also one of the bravest and most outspoken people I know, with the whole whiteblr deal only proving how willing you are to speak out against bullshit and bigotry. Thank you so much for your undying support of me and of everyone else, and I only hope to be as badass as you someday.

@gingerly-writing: ok please don’t be upset that yours is slightly shorter than everyone else’s but I wasn’t around you as much SO. You’re an insanely talented writer and memeing at you as well as sharing my writing has been so fun. I annoy you so much but you still manage to tolerate me and honestly that’s insanely commendable. I want to see you succeed in all of your projects this year and the next and the next and so on, as well as continue giving amazing advice; when you told me I was really good at characterisation, it was the first time I’d ever gotten proper writing advice, and I’ll cherish it always. Thank you for being a pal and dealing with mine (and someone else’s who we’ll mention later) shenanigans.

@olympusrox123: Sian, you fucking Aussie meme, I love you so much and you won’t get this until later because you’re on a goddamn plane but oh well. You’re insanely funny and smart, and you’ve made me laugh so many times I can’t keep count. When you took part in the name change shenanigans on discord, that was when I knew you were A Top Tier Meme and someone I could send only my freshest. Apart from that, you’re so sweet and have always been interested in what I have to say; plus, I love screaming at you about whatever and whenever and that time we read the Sherlock fic? Godly. Anyways, I just want to say that I heckin love you and that I hope you stay just as you are. Thank you for being you.

@ardentlythieving: oh man oh man oh man my ultimate meme buddy. My compadre. Second member of the three Memesketeers. The shit we’ve gotten up to together is amazing and I’ve loved every second of it. From the day we met we’ve been basically inseparable members, despite your penchant for backstabbing and betraying my meme plans due to your chaotic neutral nature, and every memey thing we’ve done together and every in joke we’ve made has been one of the most memorable meme moments of my life. You’ve always been there when I wanted or needed to just let loose my chaotic energy, and the fact that you just sort of adopted me into both your meme house and your internet family in general has made me so happy. I’ve loved playing SWTOR with you and talking about Thrawn with you and sending you the worst shit I can find, and I wouldn’t trade a second of it. Thank you for being your memey-ass self, and if I don’t get even better memes this year I’m flying to your hell-sheep-rock-land to fight you.

@thornheartcat: we’re waaaaay too fucking similar for our own good. To our taste in video games and anime (max weebage) to our experiences with ASD, I’ve found so many ways to relate to you, which has made talking to you so fun. And that’s another thing: you’re older than me by a lot, but you’ve never treated me any differently, which has meant so much to me. You’ve always put me on equal ground with you and the rest of your friends, and have tolerated my fuckery since day 1, even if you do have some questionable choices in media you enjoy. The long and short of it is, you’re hella rad and hella nerdy, and I love nerding out with you. Thank you for seeing past my age and treating me just like anyone else.

@catcatamelia: chaotic Aussie lesbian says what??? Amelia you’re fucking great and so talented and so creative, and you’re so much fun to be around. I love playing shitty and good video games with you, as well as just talking and memeing back and forth and watching you draw; you’re so amazingly multitalented and interesting that I never get bored around you. I wish that we could hang out via the interwebs more, but bullshit scheduling is bullshit scheduling and whatcha gonna do. You’ve also always been there to comfort me because, like so many of my amazing friends, we share so many issues and commonalities that you always know just what to say. Thank you for never being afraid to open up and just be your wild self. Please never change.

@sea-reader: I left you for last because I have the most to say to you. Our relationship has been up and down in the almost one year we’ve known each other, and it’s mostly due to me. Since we started talking on discord, I’ve always loved listening to you talk about whatever; you always bring your own energy and passion to it, and even if it’s about stuff I don’t know a whole ton about, I’m never bored listening to you talk about it. You’re funny, and smart, and talented, and I’m so glad to have met you in the first place. You were a major factor in helping me out of my shell; there wasn’t a day that went by in the first half of this year where I didn’t mention you in some capacity to someone I knew because you’d said something hilarious or really smart or had brought some new idea I’d never thought of to the table or just done something. Was it the most healthy thing in the world? No, and looking back on it we started getting unhealthy even before The Thing That I’m Not Going To Mention In Public, but we’re continuing to grow and improve even to this day, and for that I’m forever thankful. You could have easily shut me out after that incident, but you didn’t; you gave me a second chance that I’ve rarely ever gotten, and I’m so, so glad. I know we likely won’t ever be as close as we once were, nor will we be able to talk like we once did, but that’s okay, because it doesn’t have to be perfect. It just has to be us, and it has to be healthy, and that’s enough for me. I love you more than I can say, just like everyone else, and I can only hope 2019 brings the best for the both of us. Thank you for being a friend, Lori, because our relationship, the good and the bad, was part of what I needed and got from all of the people I interacted with and met this year. Happy New Year, you dork.

If I missed anyone, please forgive me; it’s now 7 minutes to 2019, and I’m rushing. Tl;dr; Happy New Years, everyone. Be a little better, because you can be, even if you don’t think so.

-Geoff.

[modernlcve]

little info dump of lizzie’s la muses

ADELAIDE LINDHOLM  :   they still need a last name but . whatever. i was gonna make her like really boring n a lil mean but. i changed me mind. she’s still uninterested in fame but im pulling her out of management she did it for like 3 years and then realized it brought her nothing but stress and pain so she quit and is doing temp work for the time being she’s trying to figure some stuff of her own out but deflects it onto still trying to boss around her siblings all the time. this sounded more interesting in my head. know it all, bossy, putting on a front of being in control of her miserable life

plots for her include  :  former clients she completely abandoned when she snapped, im working on more but sometimes... being a big sister is a full time job am i right girls

ALISON COLLINS  :  a woman at a crossroads . wants to follow her big artistic ambition of [redacted] but it just hasnt worked out for her yet so she’s teaching elementary art classes at a Hippie School to pay the bills til something comes her way , but its hard to be the edgy artist type when u got the school breathing down ur back and checking 2 make sure ur on the straight and narrow.

plots for her include  :  another big sister im ltrying to think of plots for but . sometimes things arent easy you know. she could have art circle friends who make fun of her for Selling Out and making pipe cleaner crafts for a living now

BRUNO VARGAS  :   i’m copy pasting the fc meme. he bought a “capitalism is unsustainable” sticker off of amazon. prime example of that “little confused but he’s got the spirit” meme. he threw himself into the social activism scene after he dropped out of college and ran away to the city to really make something of himself. he really wants to do good things for good reasons his heart is in the right place he’s just a dumbass. grew up in a traditional catholic military family but hasn’t had contact w them for a minute. lives in the fold because he thinks its cool 2 force people 2 hang out with him. works for an indie underground news publication.

plots for him include  :  yeah  maybe i am still stuck on the boyfriend/girlfriend plot. im not married to it being bf n gf if it just works 2 be 2 gfs or 2 bfs anyways. plot would be that one partner bruno has had longer and has openly been with for a minute now. second partner would be more recent and bc of that less of the whole official We’re Together :) kind of thing. both partners would know he’s seeing other people, but he hasnt gone out of his way to specifically out either of them, p2 just knows about p1 bc they were openly w bruno whereas they arent yet. if that makes literally any sense

COLE EDWARDS  :  bit of a weirdo. she does something behind the scenes i was thinking like set design because thats something that weirdly really interests me. anyways shes a doormat but in a different way than molly could be read that way she really just likes to be involved in things and help people. ~quirky~ but one day , she will snap. u can tell when u see her at craft night and she gets so much hot glue on her hand but doesnt even react. its like she cant feel it... feel better cole...

plots for her   :  cole could work for laguna beach or as the mystery novak stepsib im not married to her being on the show or not yet. i figured she could be fun there because she would be a light addition to all these Reality Tv Bastards u know. her bg and plots will fit whichever subplot i use her for so . tba

HOLLIS MESSINA   :   kill him NOW .   hollis is a bad man. not to godmod michele but in my head their parents are also like weird arsty types not necessarily famous but always very into the arts all thru their childhood. they grew up eating a lot of kale and maybe thats why hollis is the way he is. he’s vapid and very insecure because he wants so bad to be cool and funny and talented and suffers from major impostor syndrome which contributes to his online shopping addiction. take a nap hollis...

plots for him  :  we know im always looking for a plot where my musician writes a song about how crusty their ex is and their ex doesn’t appreciate it, or in general just maybe someone who got past the Phony Fakeass Cool Hollis act but then he decided to be very mean to them because soemtimes it hurts to let people in

JAMES ZAMORA   :  instagram model and youtuber. new media thot. she makes beauty, fashion, lifestyle, and travel related content. her entire brand is being A Sexy Little Trollop for people to envy. came from humble beginnings believe it or not, but she will never tell anyone that. as far as they need to be concerned shes been toddling around in heels since day one. lives in the fold because it makes for quirky content but once a month she threatens to get the hell out of here.. no one knows why she stays..

plots for her  :  frankly between the Novak Boyz and the mean girl squad im happy w her plots for now but shes always around to *cheryl blossom voice* create a little chaos if needed...

MOLLY SEKULIC   :   for the first week he lived at the fold noah thought she was a ghost :0  jadede film school student who thought she would get to do real documentary work at a place like b*zzfeed news but got put on projects shes not as passionate about 2 put it kindly. constantly planning her escape from the fold and worth it and all of that but 2 depressed to actually put any of it into play so she just sticks around and hopes one day she’s tapped for something with Substance

plots for her  :  she just doesnt get out much. shes got her Horrible sons (alec and [redacted]) and the girlies she hangs out with at the fold so shes not a completely friendless loser. with muses also working in film i think it could be fun to have a plot where they went to school together/worked on a project earlyo n together but now shes doing this and is embarrassed to talk to them abt it not that its even that real of a plot..

NOAH FITZGERALD  :  i wrote an intro for him in fold and im just gonna link it here. tldr hes very shy,, be gentle,, he wants to be liked and validated which is a common theme for me becuase yeah maybe in my core i dont believe anyone pursuing art does it for any reason but validation i sure know i do 

plots for him  :   he’s got a little going on but other fun stuff could be musicians he jams with that could catch onto his and bradys Scam, maybe some other dorks to commiserate with ive obvisosuly not got as many ideas as i let on huh,

WYATT SONG   :   gay writer bitch. came from money so he’s just casually pursuing writing full time minus the time he spends on the show (bit less than everyone else just because watching him sit in his home office and do nothing for hours just isnt interesting) but i kinda like the idea of him being a Villain within the show like idk what dynamics we were wanting to set up but i feel ike since he’s more reclusive than the others and when he is around hes Annoying he could be someone the show kinda frames as Not Likable which mostly doesnt bother him but . stings a little

plots   :  someone whos really nice 2 him off cam but plays to that villain thing on cam, which could work for a few muses on different levels like a friend whos just flighty to someone he’s ~ secretly dating ~ bc it would mess up the current plot of the show if they were fucking just yet

[thistherapylife]

How are you so comfortable with your sexuality? I don't mean that in a bad/rude away. I'm just really struggling and I really don't know what to do anymore.

Are you the anon who has written in before about changing their sexuality? You don’t have to answer - I was just wondering if it was the same. If so, I’ve thought about you from time to time and hope that you are treating yourself gently.

It took time. I wasn’t as comfortable at 15 as I was at 25. I wasn’t as comfortable at 25 as I am now. My mom is of the “those gays are fine as people I guess but jesus really says that’s not good” folks but my dad was/is super supportive. I mean, I called my dad from the dance floor after getting snuck into a gay bar with a huge group of lesbians because I was so excited. He told me to drink a lot of water and have fun (take note people who want/have kids: my dad never snooped or invaded my privacy and I am way more honest with him). My dad also dated a woman for years when I was growing up who now identifies as a butch lesbian. I also did most of my early volunteer work with AIDS peer counseling and information organizations that tended to have a lot of gay, lesbian, bisexual and trans folks involved. I went to a hippie version of the a catholic all girls school. We didn’t have a GSA but I’d say half the drama club (I did tech because of course I did) and/or softball team (my mom thought it would build teamwork or something but it just made me more into ladies) was queer of some variety. I was in a wonderful group in college that made me feel like I finally fit somewhere. My ex-girlfriend just sent me some old videos of our time in the group and it was hilarious and wonderful to see how relaxed and happy we were with each other. 

Being bisexual sucked in my early twenties sometimes. I never felt like enough. The lesbians I dated or knew called me a LUG or BUG. Or trying to insist that I didn’t know my own mind - that I had been “brainwashed by heteronormativity” (which would be hilarious if it hadn’t been so invalidating). If I tried to date a dude and be honest, it rapidly turned into “Can we have a threesome?” “Can I watch?” - which if you are into that - go for it. But I’m not and being bisexual doesn’t like unlocking an orgy superpower. Part of the reason why I identify as queer is that I’ve had that word used against me in violence and it’s mine now. Since then, I also have had many positive experiences connected to it. Though I know that others in the community have a different experience and try and accommodate that (especially in person) if someone let’s me know or I observe that it’s bothering them. 

I’m in a relationship with someone who id’s as male but all my other relationships have been with women. Chances are if this relationship ends I’ll go back to dating women as that’s where I’m most comfortable. But who know. I’m more comfortable being in the middle but it’s not always easy. 

Be patient with yourself. Look at where your messaging has come from around sexuality. Is that who you want to mirror yourself? Explore it with a therapist if you can - many cities have low to no cost group or individual therapy for the lbgtq community. See about maybe volunteering or going to some events put on by queer groups. Even if it’s something as small as approaching a booth at a university fair. You may want to try and find communities online (but the internet can be wonderful but also a cesspool so use caution). The Trevor Project does really amazing work and has chat, text and phone support for anyone 13 - 24 if you fit into that age range. You could also contact them and ask for resources if you are 24+. 

I don’t know have a ton of resources regarding the religious aspect if that’s part of what’s making you uncomfortable but I have friends who go to inclusive churches or synagogues which have given them a lot of support over the years. If you poke around the internet, you can find support for Muslim or Hindu members of the LBGTQ community. 

I am wishing you the best of luck. Treat yourself gently.

[matchingvnecks]

Andrew Rannells: Girls’ Best Friend

As Girls enters its finale season, we visit its resident gay best friend Andrew Rannells for a look at how his career has evolved — along with his character on the hit series.

There’s no missing Andrew Rannells. From the instant he strides onstage in the current Broadway revival of Falsettos, you’ll notice that, at 6’1”, he towers over his costars. Put his bearded face on a product, and it would move a mountain of Brawny towels or sell enough cans of Manwich to feed an army. Clean-shaven — as Rannells is onstage tonight — he radiates a post-fratboy glow that still find him playing parts a decade younger than his 38 years. Rannells’ evolution from fresh to familiar face has been like watching an languid summer afternoon roll by. He’s gracefully lept from Promise Ring roles like Elder Price, which he originated in the hit musical The Book of Mormon, to more acerbic characters like Elijah, the one-man Greek chorus who appears to pamper (then puncture) the inflated egos of the galpals who populate the beloved HBO series, Girls. It’s not easy, he says, but “I know my skill set and my strengths. I just do what I do.” Stage vs. Screen In demand on two coasts, Rannells has a Red Bull-binge awareNess that this is his moment, and he’s determined to make the most of it. Much of the time, he ricochets from sitcom sets to the stages of Broadway stage. These days he’s wrapping up Girls’ sixth and final season. Between that and Falsettos, Rannells briefly stepped in to play King George in Hamilton when Jonathan Groff left to finish the Looking film finale. One can’t help but wonder how long Rannells thinks it’s possible to maintain this bustling bi-coastal, multi-media lifestyle — and whether one career path must ultimately win out. ”Well, theater will always be nearest and dearest,” Rannells muses. “It’s where I feel most comfortable and in control and happiest.” He knows it’s rare to be in such demand that he can pick and choose between theater and TV projects. But his coworkers and representation have long become accustomed to Rannell’s need to alternate between screen and stage: “They understand,” he says with certainty. “I need this to recharge.” Despite living in a maelstrom of activity, Rannells remains remarkably polite, grateful and calm. Why? “I’m fortunate to be a gay man at a time when there are great roles to play,” he explains. “I’ve been lucky that way, because I have no issue playing gay men — since I am one — as long as there’s a good script. You just have to find the right ones.” Finding His People Rannells attributes his breezy optimism to his Irish/Polish origins in Omaha, Nebraska, where he was born fourth of five children. Neither oldest nor youngest, Rannells had to distinguish himself somehow; theater quickly became his ticket out of obscurity. “I was not initially very outgoing,” he admits, “but through my involvement with theater, I gradually became more comfortable. “I do remember back in kindergarten I developed a strange little clique that lasted up through eighth grade,” he says, flashing that megawatt smile. “Three guys who eventually came out as gay. Obviously that was a godsend, because they were accepting of me and I of them — even though being gay was never openly spoken about. It was, somehow, something we understood between the three of us. I mean, I remember lip-syncing to Cher in my friend’s basement.” Rannells attended an all-boys Catholic high school where “it took me a second to find my people. But eventually I made a great group of friends, some of whom I’m still in touch with,” he recalls. “While it was all-male, it was also a Jesuit school, where the teachings are ones of acceptance and there’s a lot of room for interpretation of the scriptures.” As a teen, Rannells became a familiar fixture on local stages, and by 18 he’d landed a string of voice-over parts and a commercial spoofing Grease opposite a young Amy Adams. But New York was always tugging at his sleeve, and so — with little more than the zeal to perform — Rannells moved East and began parlaying his voiceover experience into directing cartoons for Fox and Warner Brothers. “I did Sonic the Hedgehog,” he laughs, “along with many others. I directed the voiceover portion. So there I was at 23, trying to get performances out of actors making these Saturday morning cartoons and trying to sync to the originals when we dubbed them over from Japanese.” At the same time, the sense of treading water gnawed at him, until finally something snapped, he says. “I was going deeper and deeper into debt; so I thought I’d see if could just get anywhere by auditioning.” Rannells quit school and began seeing casting agents.

Saying “Hello!” to Broadway In 2002, Rannells was cast to play the title role in an Austin, Texas production of Hedwig and the Angry Inch. The show was a runaway hit and quickly ballooned from a four-week to a four-month run. He walked away with the local scene’s award for best actor in a musical. That was heartening, but only a hint of things to come. “My big break,” Rannells always says, “came from Hairspray.” “I was an understudy for nine months — then to get to be a lead on Broadway was something amazing.” By then, Hairspray was already in its third year; so although he could finally call himself a Broadway song-and-dance man, Rannells wasn’t exactly hot on the radar of industry professionals who could put him in bigger parts. His whole universe shifted again when the actor learned about a hush-hush project being assembled by Trey Parker and Matt Stone, the creators of South Park. Rannells says he landed the lead in The Book Of Mormon the old fashioned way: by auditioning. “The people behind the show were very secretive, and all we really knew was: that it was about the Mormon church, it was a musical, and that Trey Parker and Matt Stone were doing it.” He heard that the producers were replacing the actor who’d played the role of Elder Price at early readings. “It was really fast,” he says. “It was three auditions: … Something clicked, and I was cast.” Soon after opening, the show became the hottest ticket in town. “I had no idea that it would become what it has,” Rannells admits, “but it was so funny and so smart, I knew we were going to have a very solid audience. It was a surprise that it’s as universal a hit as it has become, that it’s still running and traveled to Salt Lake City.” The Book of Dunham Book of Mormon also allowed Rannells to look for TV roles filmed in NYC. So he took an initially-peripheral role in Girls as Elijah, ex-boyfriend to Hannah (played by series star and creator Lena Dunham). Elijah comes out to her as gay in the show’s third episode. Then, two years into the run of Mormon, Rannells took a vacation during TV pilot season and dashed to LA, where he threw himself into a series of meetings. One of them was with Ryan Murphy, the maestro behind Glee and American Horror Story. “I learned he was working on a show about gay parents [based on Murphy’s own life], and I asked him about it. I had this strange moment of confidence. I thought, ‘I don’t know much about this, but I want to be a part of it.’” A month later, he got the offer to play Murphy’s alter-ego in The New Normal. Rannells had two seasons under his belt playing bestie to the ladies of Girls; so he was understandably itchy to play a lead. He met with Dunham and series producer Judd Apatow. “They said of course I had to try this.” Despite the magic of the Murphy name, The New Normal struggled to find its audience. The challenge was evident: Shows like Modern Family and Will & Grace proved that America could embrace gay characters, but were network audiences ready for a show where gay people were central rather than showcased for spice or comic relief? Normal was cancelled at the end of its first season. When asked if the show was ahead of its time, Rannells is quick to respond: “That’s exactly what I think. Modern Family was very successful and Jesse Tyler Ferguson and Eric Stonestreet were hugely popular; so it seemed like a good time for a show like ours. But New Normal was principally about gay people trying to have a baby, and Justin Bartha and I were the focus. We had a great cast with Ellen Barkin, Bebe Wood and the rest, but — at its heart — it was the gay couple’s story. Maybe it was too soon for that.”

The show ended, but Rannells didn’t miss a beat. In no time, he says, “Lena offered me my job back on the third season of Girls and it’s been great to be back and see Elijah grow and evolve.” In fact, Elijah has since gone on to become one of the most multi-layered gay characters ever put on a television screen. He’s dealt with issues of sexual fluidity — sleeping with Allison Williams’ character Marnie, and when Hannah’s Dad came out as gay late in life, he turned to Elijah for comfort and counsel. Most recently, Elijah grappled with his desire for monogamy while dating a decidedly non-monagamous TV personality (played by House of Cards alum Corey Stoll). In a show that relies on irresponsible antics for its humor, Elijah often ends up the only adult in the room. “This season, I’m looking forward to showing even more different parts of Elijah. He’s no longer the messy friend, you know?” Rannells offers. “And there’s the storyline with Cory Stoll, where I get to continue to try to be more grown up and proud. Of course, Elijah still observes the girls just as the audience does, and I still get to call them out on their B.S. and being narcissistic.” Getting Bigger Dreams Rannells is now weighing his options for the future, since Girls will soon say goodbye and the lights of Falsettos won’t stay lit forever. “It’s like Oprah says, once you’ve achieved a dream, you’ve got to get bigger dreams,” he reasons. “That’s sort of been my approach. You get where you wanted to go, and move the line several steps.” It’s worth noting that Rannells’ star has risem parallel to the end of Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell and the beginning of marriage equality. Unlike generations before him, he was not as seriously faced with the possibility that being openly gay and playing gay characters could threaten his career. But he’s wary that the incoming Trump administration may yet prove a danger to that kind of freedom. “What to do? “My plan is to stay vigilant,” he says.

Now when he’s asked if playing gay characters has limited him, Rannells sets the doubters straight: “I don’t think I’ve ever heard someone ask straight guys if it’s limiting playing a straight guy. I know a lot of gay roles are played by straight people, and if they’re the best people for the job — well, fine. But playing gay? I have a little insight into that.” The final season of Girls premieres Sunday, February 12 on HBO. Visit hbo.com for more details.

[gleeandshame]

Love Victor 2x08 Semi-liveblogging

Spoilers below of course

cw homophobia, religion, talking about drinking, etc.

Benji you can't be the one, I'm so mad

Hello, everyone is responsible for their own coming out unless they asked you to for them

The boys have to be over by this

Also yeah, she's about 5x more upset it's a boy I think.

But she's super catholic so she probably wouldn't like pre marital sex

the thing is when ppl are homophobic besides that being archaic, the sex thing, it's like.... you don't want us to marry so you want us always to be sinning or to be celibate.

Like drop the act

Anyway... woof

Also I'm sure Adrian is fine

but he's like why did you keep this from me, probably

I'm choking

Spongebob

See that was easy

also I forgot about Mia since Victor has been very gay this season

Uhhh, wow, slept over? passed out on the couch?

Pilar, fixes hair, fcking jabs Felix.

Lol, I mean pokes aggressively

Felix with his gender stuff again, nonbinary felix please?

Senator? Lol, he probably realized Pilar giving him some eyes

Also bro code with siblings is, idk how it is, I don't follow that

I don't want Mia to leave. can she get emancipation or something. I...

She'll probably admit she doesn't want to move but that would suck for her dad

You can't out people, Benji, what kind white little rich boy (I never figured him rich since he works, but looking at his parents)

No parent is gonna be happy to find their teen having s ex in their home

I do sometimes forget White People are clueless and just cuz they're gay doesn't mean they're allies

besides food and religion I never hear them talk about Victor's culture much in a friend context I guess, hmmm

that was a pretty good australian accent Rahim

"Ew, what? Shut up"

I don't know if that's sound advice Rahim

Accidentally calling her babe, oh my gosh. He might leave and sit with Pilar? Hmm something

You're not giving him a choice to choose a job over you though...

It's not realistic but it would be cool if you could move in with Lake...

Or maybe Veronica will tell him she wants to stay put?

She hasn't been seen in a while

your phone display better be off in the dark room, you ...

making out in a dark room seems fun. just saying. like for the end of the season or whatever...

Not that every gay person has to date but...

if you tell them he is in Alcoholics Anonymous (anonymous, victor) I swear to G*d

Ah yes, Iranian and Puerto Rican / Colombian solidarity

White privilege is a thing it's 2021, like come on

Woof.

Is Isa finally gonna tell off Father whoever the f*ck

I will allow you to meddle, Lake

It's his sponsor, not a hookup, Victor

OKay Lake this is Not The Meddling I meant

Mia is cute (cute quota met for the episode)

You got to ppl that love you right there

Meme from parks but its' Andrew saying Here is my girlfriend Mi and her is her girlfriend Lake,

I might edit that later myself but anyone can do it

Pilar looking more girly than Goth, is Not Necessary

It's like weird girl makeover all over again but lite edition™

People noticing the goth girl is a sensitive person :')

Pilar, I love your vulnerability :')

I choose you, so how come you never choose me?

WOOF

Okay I'm glad Mia stood up for herself and her own selfworth

also i'm teary

She should write her mom. I listened to a podcast Untitled Dad Project it was really good... and estranged family emails made me think of it

S3 character or finale of S2 the mom will show up I think

she still said gay a little weird but yeah

altho christians argue god loves everyone

but yeah that's... thanks Isa

She Quit! :' )

Thank you Isa

I'm not giving up on God, I'm giving up on you.

Yes Isa!

What the f*ck, Mr Mia's Dad.

She gets her own house or she moves in with her mom or something...

Wild...

he looks like he's about to cry at least?

Benji's house is Massive. Rich White Gay

OH my Gosh. This is on you Victor.

Always good to put Do Not Disturb even if you're just showing a picture

Yeah. well i guess a break was better than I expected. idk how well they work.

woof