#and like i know it'll change eventually
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going through one of those art phases where it feels like i suddenly got way worse and all my art looks horrible to my eye. i have the deep need to draw but i can't stand the results. someone please send help. aaaaugaigughiaughjiugh
#i know i haven't actually gotten worse#i'm just getting better at evaluating my own work#and like i know it'll change eventually#but it very much feels like getting worse and it's so frustrating#it feels like my brain just suddenly stopped understanding everything i've learned about art#and my work isn't cooperating with me#aaaaaafaughuaighduggmg
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#meme#homemade memes#cw dysphoria#trans#bones are stupid#cw dysphoria venting#waiting out current phase of transition changes to happen#(cause I got my dose raised again in april & am waiting for my next two surgeries & continuing tryna build muscle 😔)#hoping it'll get to a point eventually where the affirming bits are overpowering enough to ppl's perception#that I can dress the bits I can't change (like hips) in things that suit them#and do the whole embracing looking trans thing without worrying abt the misgendering#but alas I won't believe in my body's ability to do that until I see it#seeing as I still get lady-ed & unquestioningly she/her-ed 5 years into HRT + post two highly visible surgeries#+ fully dressed in men's clothes + sporting the shortest hair I've ever had -.-#cis ppl learn what transmascs look like & what that means for words you use on them challenge 2024- difficulty level: impossible apparently#I've had several ppl in the last few months that I literally TOLD I am trans/'it's he/him'/was clocked as trans by#who then STILL proceeded to misgender me anyway???#like what more can I do than literally straight up tell you????#I told a clinician who was looking at my knee the other month that I was trans (cause they always ask abt all meds n diagnoses)#and he misgendered me as a trans woman on his report like-#sir I am 5'4" and have a flat chest baby face and facial hair#and I was telling you abt how I've been on HRT for years and have had several Transgender Surgeries#you're a bone doctor you know how bones work and what their limitations are and you have functionning eyes#you should be able to put 2 and 2 together abt how this works even if you've never met a trans person holy fuck#(I wrote a complaint and they amended the report and sent me an apology meanwhile but still like- buddy wtf)
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the difference between zosopp and sanuso (romantic OR platonic) is that Usopp is Zoro's specialest little guy and Zoro is someone Usopp hangs out with and looks up to and hides behind when things get scary, but Sanji and Usopp are best friends. They horse around, they beat each other up, they confide their worst fears trying to one up each other. Usopp hides behind Sanji sometimes, sure, but idk, Sanji's weaknesses are more obvious (bugs, fighting women, etc) so there are times when Usopp has to stand in front of Sanji too, yknow?
Like, how do I say this, all the crewmates are equal- Usopp and Zoro are equals- but with Sanji it feels like more... comradery? Zoro's a rock in a terrible storm- even rocks tend to get weathered and chipped and worn down, but they overall stay strong and steady. He has trouble being vulnerable and there are times when the burden he's placed on himself to keep the crew safe is crushing his chest. Usopp would help with that and be very understanding, but the point I'm trying to get with that is that those moments are few and far between. So I feel like Usopp, especially after Water 7, would take Zoro's lead on something like that, and keep most of his worries to himself or only talk about them sparingly unless they're really bad and/or he can't hide them.
Sanji is like a tree in a storm; he can be strong, yes, but it feels like he bends and sways with the storm, and has more obvious breaking points. He can relate more to Usopp's struggles rather than resorting to blunt honesty that might border on callous like Zoro. And while, with Zosopp, I tend to think of scenarios with Zoro being blunt like that as a good thing- because sometimes when you're spiraling, it's nice to have someone say exactly what's great about you and shoot down all your worries with straight facts that you can't argue with- I can also see this as being a bad thing. Anxiety can really twist up your brain sometimes, you know? And despite the words, the tone could still mess someone up if they're already feeling like a burden on others in some way.
With Sanuso it's a lot more understanding and thoughtful words. It's distractions and comfort food and patience- the kind reserved for Usopp- until Usopp talks about whatever's troubling him. Compared to Zosopp, it doesn't take as long for Usopp to open up, since he's done the same thing to Sanji at times and it's more familiar to him to talk and commiserate with Sanji about his worries and doubts and such. However, there are times stuff like this has absolutely no effect and Sanji will end up at a loss, no idea what to do or how to help over the course of several days with Usopp being quiet and keeping his distance, and he'll end up working himself up about it which will only serve to make Usopp feel worse and. yeah. bit of a vicious cycle with them.
So it's like. Usopp can be weak with both of them, but since I see Sanji as the type of guy who'd be more open with his worries (at least compared to Zoro), there's less of a need to 'perform' and be his best self around him. He's comfortable around Zoro, yes, but he is constantly wanting to show that he won't be a problem to him. On the other hand, while he's more open with Sanji, and Sanji with him, they tend to relate a bit too much with each other and they both have issues with causing trouble for others and being 'deserving of love' so failed attempts at consoling one hurts the other and creates an unpleasant cycle of misery and avoidance before some other crewmate (Zoro) tells them to quit being stupid and just fucking talk to each other.
#one piece#sanuso#zosopp#long post#nemotime#does this make sense or is this the ramblings of a person who's only got 3 hrs sleep#bc thats me. 3 hrs sleep. ugh#listen okay its like. zosopp has their own growing pains to get through yknow? zoro will eventually get the whole#'oh usopp isnt as open with me bc he wants to seem tough and is also kind of doing the same thing i do. thats bad for him'#and it'll be a whole thing about making a promise between the two of them to try and be more honest with their fears and seeking help#when they need it#the sanuso thing is like. i hope i didnt mean to make it seem like sanuso is 'better' or w/e bc its just a different thing#sanuso got their own problems to sort out. 1. Sanji's everything 2. boundaries on special treatment-#i'm not gonna go seriously into this but both relationships start out not the best and get better over time yknow#also i know usopp's afraid and freaking out a lot but for this post i meant his deeper fears and insecurities#not 'i've got can't-go-on-this-island disease' lmao#the tl;dr of this post is: Usopp is more closed off with Zosopp. Usopp and Sanji have similar issues that cause problems with Sanuso.#also the way i see these ships will probably change at some point. who knows#there was a post i saw recently that was like 'hey sanuso bc romance trio were already chill with each other so sanuso became chill with#each other in an 'alone together' type of way and also they have the same issues' and i thought 'wow so true bestie' and here we are#also. man. usopp taking on / copying the behaviours of his loved ones regardless of his age is just. my jam. in a positive or negative way#maybe i'll make a post about that explaining it more. maybe
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maría for the ad astra zine! lc u will be missed T_T
#lalin's curse#maria lalins curse#maria navarro becerra#OUUAHHHHGHGGGGG#Stop i miss lalins curse so bad. ough.#sorry i hsve many thoughts do not look at these tags theyrre long#i always had a feeling it wouldn't come back but i'm still so sad like thats my daughter........ my kids.... for reals...... i was#around their age when i started reading and now i'm like 19 they shouldve grown up with us FUCKKKKK i miss rhem so bad. timeskip davias.#i think i spent like an entire year with the lc/delete worms it's one of the smaller fandoms#that ive been in so i'm surprised but also there was SO much going on in thzt damn comic. hwhere is church boy WHY VALOR THE BUS DRIVER#i remember getting ownership of the fandom wiki and spending an insane amount of time on the home page and fixing it all jusr for fandom t#COMPLETELY CHANGE THEOR LAYOUT i think that killed the vibe for me tbh. fanodmwiki alwyas at the scene of the crime#Whahteverrrrrrrrrrr#what ever man.#seeing it go is so sad like ik it'll be revived eventually but OUGH the comic was so well done. i still recommend it so bad even though its#a terrible cliffhanger (itd ok we know what happens)(Lie)#i still need to own delete one day. Ill learn spanishtrust me. idk isaky art changed my life so much i'm so glad she won snowmiku and got s#many insane opportunities I hope she always wins forever. rhe four other laliners that follow me i hope you are still here. hiiiiiii#putting this zine together with all my lc oomfs was so nice and it's such a nice farewell to the comic AUHH go check outthe others plz#okau over. Lc changedmy life sorru#art tag
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woe! first art post since a month ago be upon ye! take my gay bugs
[Start ID of the first image. A digital drawing of the five bugs forming Team Taranoake, drawn without anthropomorphized biology, short clips of text describing each one's name, pronouns, species, and size. The background is a solid-color pale orange, with the rest of the drawing being similarly flat-colored and golden-toned. The first shows Kritto, an azure damselfly, who stands on two legs with short stilts to counter the length of xer abdomen. She's light teal with black stripes, holding a brown scroll in one claw, the other pair of arms tucked between her two backpacks behind xer. Next is Lidii, a worker of the ant species Myrmecocystus mexicanus, yellow and orange. She's rambling about something excitedly, just barely propping up the thick wooden weapon beside her. Third is Rantan, an ox beetle, brown with yellow fur. He subjects himself to whatever Lidii's talking about, sitting with all six limbs on the ground and a mildly tired expression, resting their head on one claw. Gorge, a light purple coquina clam, is settled beneath two of Rantan's legs, his shell decorated with small notes and scribbles from work as an archivist. Last is the sea slug Ceras, a single-stalk aeolis, pink with bright stripes of yellow and white along their cerata. She's drawn further away from the rest, his head turned back towards the other four bugs. Like Kritto, they're marked as an honorary member of the team, lacking the seaglass bracelets shared by the three close-knit bugs from the center of the drawing. End ID.]
^ once again, these guys are from a universe I made with @froggoexists :]
[Start ID of the second image. A colored sketch of two humanized original characters, Ceras, a sea slug from the previous image, and Thorn, a Hollow Knight vessel. They're both drawn from the waist up, facing forward, close enough that Ceras's hand wraps around Thorn's shoulder. Ceras is shown as a young Black person, their cerata incorporated as long locs dyed pink, white and yellow, and piercings stud their ears and tongue. Thorn is paler-skinned, taller and thinner than Ceras, with pointed ears, and white hair styled at the top into two rows of spikes. Ceras is wearing a studded denim vest, thoroughly decorated with eclectic pins and patches, mostly of bands, bugs, games, and simple declarations of hope. Thorn wears instead a black leather jacket, with long studs at the shoulders and smaller ones along the sides and center. One sleeve is torn off, as they don't have a right arm, and the other is cuffed to display the adaptive device making up half their left. Ceras is sticking their tongue out and smiling, one eye shut and the other turned to Thorn, stimming with their free hand. Thorn's looking back at them with a smile.
The background is simple, a pink horizontal wave. There's a bright, pale halo behind Ceras' head, one which resembles a spoked wheel or a sun, seeming to cast light upon the two of them. A line at the bottom of the image reads "part-god mute disabled they/she/he bug punk BESTIES", and at the top of the image there's a small doodle of their original forms sitting together contentedly. End ID]
#having a bit of trouble being articulate lately hence the Wall Of Text IDs. hope they're still good 👍#anyway i tried to post these like three weeks ago and most of the text on here is from then but i am Nervous. strange aversion to Existing#think it started from a fear no one enjoys oc art and eventually it backed up to the point i didn't post non-oc art either??#i do miss doing that though and besides i know like >2 people like my stuff regardless. so here's to the first step in Not Being So Scared#peridots-art#bugs#mostly mollusk#kritto mm#lidii mm#rantan mm#gorge mm#ceras mm#thorn hk#hk ocs#peridots-ocs#< for a long time i had oc tags on their own so as not to be confused with fandom character tags but actually it's. less efficient. so#oho it is going to be Annoying changing everything though. anyway if I don't post this now it'll be stuck in Drafts Hell forever so 👍👍👍#hollow knight
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You guys ever feel trapped? Yea I'm well-acquainted with the feeling of being trapped.
#*text#talk about unpleasant#sorry for only posting textposts here lately. I Forgot how I use this blog.#Also I'm gonna use this as an excuse to vent in the tags about something that's been bothering me today.#I hate days where it feels like I can't be the same person for even. idk. an hour?#I was gonna say just a general statement of 'I hate how I can't feel like the same person for more than an hour' but then I realized it onl#particularly bothered me today so maybe it's just a sometimes thing. throws hands up in the air I WOUDLN'T KNOW#It's just...nothing I do throughout the day matches. i keep starting new things only to forget about them (or forget how much I cared#about them) and try something else later. resulting in a long line of unfinished stuff and frustration.#I keep trying to come up with new conclusions/solutions to problems I've run through my head a million times already.#problems I didn't know I had or forgot about pop up etc.#I'll be doing fine and then I'll just feel stranded out of nowhere with no idea why and trying to figure out if this is normal for me.#I've felt stranded all day.#it's just ugh. i'm so confused. it's been a day i guess.#all the words i write feel kinda foreign to me sometimes. short term memory problems I guess. ✌️#but also I feel very very locked in a really limited worldview. or just like. my world feels very small like tunnel vision kind of thing an#for that reason it just feels like it'll go on the same forever and ever and ever. which is a very scary thought.#idk if my logical 'well that obviously isn't the case. things will change eventually' rebuttal is good enough to go against it.#so there you go I wrapped it all back to the point of the post: feeling trapped. yayyy#i don't mean to make myself sound so sad and pitiful. usually i'm doing fine and bad things kinda just don't register in my brain#but there are Secret Evil Feelings inside me that I don't even know about and sometimes I like to poke them with a stick.
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being homesick and changing as a person so much the place you grew up in isn't your home anymore is such a core part of ati and upon further inspection i think i was projecting a little
#like yea that is a very common basic thing that happens to a lot if not most adults#but also i think i get homesick a bit too easy#when i moved away from home i moved to the closest big city that's only an hour away and i was already deeply familiar with it#but i was so sad despite knowing i personally could never thrive in my hometown#i wanted to experience the big city but it was so scary and it still is and i miss the comforts of my hometown but it's not just me that#has changed#dont get me wrong i wouldnt move back bc i have hobbies and friends and a job and most likely a career in the city i live in#and this truly is a place i don't think i could ever move away from. unless it is to a neighboring city#it's so hard for me to imagine there are people who move not just across the country but a completely different country and they just. adap#i could never. i was visiting my hometown every week for like the first year i lived here#i eventually want to move to a bigger apartment and ive been looking at places already even tho i need to graduate before doing that#and i'm. getting homesick just thinking about moving to a different part of the city.#i like the area i live in. i like the cornerstore and the distance to the closest grocery stores and parks#i like how my grandma used to live in this area when she was around my age#i'm not good with change and i know it but there are several things about moving that make me miserable#like yeah obviously i will move out from my single bedroom apartment when i can and i'll be so happy and it'll be good for me#but despite having lived here for only a bit more than 4 years i'll miss this apartment. i have so many good memories from here and i'll#never be able to visit it again and have it feel the same#but that's the least sad thing imo. i dread being in a different area more lmao#but it's fine i know i'll adapt as long as i don't have to move to a different city ever again gfsahgak#idk ive had a long day and im feeling a bit melancholic#i'll sleep in tomorrow >:3c#leevi talks
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Y’all are being subjected to my Sims 2 tests, so there
The other set of Vargases came over for a visit and Scriabin picked up Shmee and started talking to Scriabin through him. Very normal, very usual
I downloaded some circle-glasses recolours and hghghh they look so good! Closer every day to his final details! Getting ever closer!
Edgar too! I made him a custom hair with a lighter undercut - I’m mostly happy with it, probably could’ve shifted it a shade closer to his skintone but the texturing was weird no matter what :P And his stripey shirt! I wish Body Shop didn’t have that hands-on-hips pose lol, it looks so much better in-game, but that’s all the better :)
I got some new clothes for Todd as well! As soon as I saw this ‘fit I was like “Oh that’s 100% Todd there he is.” Scriadad hug ♥ So cute
Foot-dancing together stopp it’s so cute!!
The way he looks at them stoppp <3 <3 They kept doing this right up til they left for home haha, Todd’s giggles are the cutest
Used SimPE to save him to the Body Shop, I now have infinite copies of The Boyyyy ♪
Moved him in with his “parents” as just shadow people basically, they’re not gonna matter in a bit as long as I remember how to get the Social Worker/Adoption process to work properly. Get her Todd!!
Wanna play? :D
Menacing :(
Look, Todd, your new dads are here! Initially I wasn’t sure who I wanted to adopt him, got lots of options; the first passes, the married couple with their own Todd, Johnny?? He definitely doesn’t have the facilities for a child lol But these are the ones that showed up on their own, so the married Vargases are the winners!
Scriabin cares more about him than his actual parents ;; A stranger off the street shows him more care! Not that it’s a high watermark
Look at him being a good dad!
Weh, he just wants friends ;; Poor baby
Best timeline, thank you
While we wait for CPS, let’s get some other interactions in! Nny is mean so he tended to prank the other two with a nose flick - mostly Edgar lol ♪ Now kiss
“Oh please don’t break all my bones~ :3” I love Todd looking up at them haha <3
Pffft, I think he was talking about the other Scriabin and just how attractive he is. Classic Scriabin. Alternatively, also funny to imagine him bragging himself up about how he’s just so handsome that Edgar can’t help but love him hahaha ♪
Allow me to tickle you with my KNIFE! >:D
Get a load of this guy lol
He ended up passing out at one point - I forgot which motives make CPS show up >.> - and completely 0%’d his comfort, but for some reason stargazing increased it?? It’s the same ground wh
Is two not enough to satisfy your butterfly bloodlust child?? He ended up with three, I had him release them before he was picked up by the Social Worker - success!
He rolled a new Want as soon as Todd was taken away - “Wants to see Ghost of Todd” Woah, dark! :0
And here he is on the married Vargases’ lot!! Success!! I did it right!! Heck yeah! :D Unfortunately they were uh, indisposed at the time. Good job guys pft
Goes right for Shmee, he really is Todd <3
#The Sims 2#My queue is too backlogged on main! And I /have/ been working on a lot of Vargas-specific Sims 2 retextures so it's fine lol#These are still tests - as said up top lol - so these events are ''non canon'' to what will eventually be my actual Vargas family#The beats will be similar tho! It's mostly just a lot of tweaking at this point to get everything just where I want before the domino falls#Edgar Nny and Todd are all so close to done - Scriabin still needs a bit more work lol of course he's the problem member ♪#It'll be worth it tho! >:3c Handsome lad <3#Did find out some interesting things with the Social Worker/Adoption process :0 Most importantly that adoption basically wipes everything#Wipes memories and family relations and changes the last name! So I'll have to go in with SimPE to change his name back once I'm there#I love SimPE haha ♪ I mean it's just an extension of how much I love TS2 but I just ughsjkhagf it's a good program!#It's extremely powerful and easy to get lost in if you don't know where to look but it's also incredibly user-friendly if you do know#Like - it's as easy as ''Open this sub-menu. Click this button. Rename this. You're all done'' it's just jdsflf Sims 2 my beloved <3 <3#I decided to cheat down the Casils' relationship with Todd before everything else - thus why his father is menacing him for the prank#I've seen Sims with not high enough friendship to not take a water balloon as a fun invitation but not between a parent and child!#It's subtle but the parent being mad and the kid cowering :( It's sadly appropriate for Todd#I stuck the Casils in a box to wait things out and they ended up glitching frozen in bed - they're effectively dead by Motive but can't move#So they can't die /or/ live - feels fitting#If you'd like to recreate CPS taking your child away without straight up torturing them! - Hunger. You just need hunger lol#Alternately you can also have them miss class if you'd prefer to feed them - both will result in being taken away after long enough#If I return to this save it's gonna be confusing since both Todds are identical and have the same names lol#I do have a bunch of new clothes! Second shopping trip :D#There's something oddly fitting for the Vargases to adopt twin/clones lol - fun shenaniganary until the Final Version comes to pass#Although now that I think of it I Could also give them a toddler!Todd hmmmmmm#It's an idea :)
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holy shit y'all i can See (<- just got new glasses)
#🔪.text#these seriously make one hell of a difference#but tbf my old glasses were like. 7-8 years old LOL#so yeah makes sense#but God Damn#also i got transition lenses on these and hooooly shit.....#oh they're so nice#automatic sunglasses!!#also they're aviator frames so B]#i basically have aviator sunglasses and it is Awesome#i look cool as fuck#i was a little worried that i might regret my choice bc uh#they are Very Different from my old glasses#they gotta be at least twice the size of them#they were not what i was planning on getting#but ohhhh the joy i got when i saw them on my face...#i did not get that joy when i looked at the kind of frames i was Planning to get#and hey. do what brings you joy right?#thankfully i still got that same joy when i put these on#my opinion did not change in the almost month it took for these to be ready#i look cool as fuck. they bring me So Much Joy#especially when i first saw them when they got dark#holy shit y'all. best fucking decision ever.#and god knows i needed some joy bc i have been so severely lacking in that lol#i'm sure it'll fade eventually#but for right now i feel cool as fuck
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him: babe i'm coming over you better not be bitchy rarity when i get there
me asf:
#no but fr WHY does she look like that???#everyone else on the evil side of the mirror has some kinda change. applejack is goth.#twi is unfriendly. pinkie is depressed. fluttershy is cruel and evil.#cadence and shining armor are sad and starving (as the crystal ponies appeared under his rule in the actual show)#but rarity just looks like you're wearing a bad hat?????#she looks like she's about to tell me my lipstick colour is whorish and to choose a lighter shade#like she doesn't really look evil she's basically main-verse compliant???? just rarity if she had a bad day ig????#mlp#mlp idw#mlp fim#also yes this is a wip of a base. it'll be up on deviantart eventually.#i won't link as i know our tumblr audience is completely different to our deviantart audience#but yknow if you see it you'll know whose it is lmao
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I quit, you tell em I quit! 😩
#I am not ready#talking to cute guys makes me too anxious. talking to anyone makes me too anxious in fact#not to mention meeting can you believe that#I know that I have to start going out of my box for things to eventually change#but I'm scared that it'll just bring me embarrassment and shame and pain and stress and more insecurity#there's just no way I'll make a good impression and I have nobody to fall back on support wise#things don't work well with an internal battle like that#can't see anyone liking me really and I'm lonely#but I need to do something but I'm incapable but I really need it but I want to be left alone but not be alone :/#also just finished watching the comeback so probably gonna be quoting valerie cherish a lot#i mean I would anyway thanks to Novympia but yeah#about me#why must every single thing I do while I'm being perceived bring me so much shame and embarrassment. it's not fair#yuck disgusting I hate having feelings and needing to talk through them :(
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what's also great about the ichi watch is that the gold and red goes well with the arakawa-inspo outfit i have..
#snap chats#aka the outfit im wearing right now BYE#its so funny that i have really accidentally stolen his clothes. like idk what to tell you#owning a grey suit and a three-piece black suit's commonplace i really did just need the shirt LMAO#did eventually find a scarf buried in my closet so i even have that on lock down 😩 perfect for fall ig LOL#POINT IS i do have that gold bracelet plus the gold-buckled belt but also the red shoes.. that i and everyone around me love..#its perfect goku idk what else you want from me.. was meant to be even#what I want tho is food but i dont have time to make rice and im going out to eat in the city after class anyway#anyway love how i know im gonna preorder it but i havent yet because I Dont Know i like waiting until the last second i guess#ive reasoned with myself only to get the watch since as cute as the bag and wallet are#the wallet i have now is perfectly fine- plus my sister gave it to me. and i dont need a bag enough to warrant getting it#love how i never even considered the jacket LMAO LIKE ITS A CUTE JACKET just.. not $200 cute..#that's what my puffer is tho.. dont tell anyone--#ANYWAY YEAH <3 once i get the ichi watch i can stop wearing this bitch ass cringe ass watch my mom gave me#i just hope changing the battery in the watch wont be a pain down the line cause i dont think its solar powered WHOOP..#it'll be worth it to me.... ok bye im gonna stare at the wall until i have to leave for class#i have all my commission stuff done for now and i wanna rest from drawing for the rest of the day. maybe.#might stream tonight but i also might be drunk LMAO we'll see#if i stream uhhhhhh dude i dont even know.... funny y3 stream ???? drawing stream ????#we'll see what happens anyway BYE
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.
#sometimes I wish there was like a guide or sth to dealing with intimacy when you're ace#not just in relationships but also in relationships#bc sometimes I think back to conversations I've had with non-ace folks in the past#and usually they would come down to sth like 'when you know you know'#or 'there's gonna be this look and you'll know it's the right moment'#which all seems fake af and untrue and entirely un-applicable if you've agreed to sth else#like.. if you've agreed to not worry abt that and that you'll pick up the topic if anything ever changes#but how do you know if things have changed. how do you know what you want vs what you're wanting only in the moment#and how do you not make it awkward if you bring it up only to later realise maybe you were just having a weird moment#(like. I go through phases every month and I know it's coming. but I also know it'll go away again eventually)#(and like.. I guess I'm still terrified of setting expectations for things I can later not fulfill)#(and sure that's prob due to fucked up shit that happened in past relationships and this is not the same)#((..the difference a partner you can trust to keep their word on respecting your boundaries can make...))#anyway. scared shitless of starting sth I can't finish. also unsure if I want to start anything in the first place#and just so tired of not knowing where to even fucking start. gonna blame my migraine weirdness for posting this in the first place#a day in the life of..#(((how to know if maybe you'd like something now when you haven't in the past but now all parameters are different..#..and maybe it would be nice but maybe it would still suck and you'd end up hating it and feeling regretful..#..and maybe you'll never be able to get out of your head enough to just have a moment and go with it and be happy)))
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I know your blog title is CATman, but I swear to God, every time I see your pfp I think of an owl. Owlman draws.🦉 ✨️
T'was once more catlike
#catman asks#so valid anon#this is a picture of me Hyperfixating from a post a few years back#it'll change again Eventually but not even I know when#owlman sounds like my evil mirror twin i have to defeat#happy to know they draw too
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I need white people to shut the fuck forever about how scars form and heal, and how they "aren't that bad looking" when talking to dark skinned people
Yeah a white scar doesn't look that bad or obvious on your white ass skin, but when I'm multiple shades darker than you a bold white scar IS PRETTY FUCKING OBVIOUS
#supremely pissed at the advice I've been given by my white friends#i was treating my wound to the best of my knowledge to ensure i had minimal scaring (bc its in an area i want tattooed in the future)#and then they go and give me advice and are like and even if it scars it should be fine it'll fade and then you wont notice it!#like no you dipshits. it fades on YOUR skin because you're white and a white scar eventually bleeds into the background of your skin#since i started following their advice you can see an obvious demarcation in my wound healing from thin minimal dark scar to now a wider#white and stretched scar#im so unbelievably angry rn that i let them convince me otherwise#i dont mind having scars this isn't a beauty thing. its a practical thing. yeah ik you can get tattoos over scars if you pay good money#but shocker i didnt want to have to pay more money than I would have had my cut healed properly#like man oh man you'd think id know how deep wounds heal on dark skin after having it all my life and seeing how my parents wounds healed#also you can lighten dark marks on skin like scars or those fade on my skin. giant white scar tissue doesnt darken to match my skin#so believe it or not i planned and thought about this in depth. im just so angry i let them change my mind and now theres nothing i can do
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#ive also been experiencing jealousy part 2#the good thing abt part 2 is i recognize the patterns#the bad thing is like the emotions LOL#jealousy part 1 ended but only bc i think my emotions like transferred to another person which sucks#its just alwyas whoever she spends the most amt of time with that isnt me#and like whoever my brain percevies she talks more to#or is talking to all the time#which with jealousy part 2 is kinda not completley false theyre like always stuck to each other#but i have to keep reminding myself they were always like this like even when i joined to some degree#the only thing thats maybe changed in the past couple of months is my perception of their relationship#and esp now that jealousy part 1 is over and i can see that relationship dynamic not tinged w romance its also like mroe of an idnicatory#that all of this is just perspective#but perspective is powerful and makes me feel like im third wheeling their relationship dynamic#yeah bc they see each other so much i was like duh its obvious theyre close i think that is also what kind of#lent to the disappointment of sharing a living space w her nad having nOTHIGN change like#it was a sign to me of oh nothing will really change how she feels#which is OKAY !! ITS OKAY!#im like so happy and thanful to have someone like her in my life as a friend#i just need to emtoinally believe that sighhhhhhhh#cuz shes gonna start dating eventually right i wonder if it'll be less painful when i KNOW shes into someone romantically#rather than now when im just making up the ppl shes into without any real evidence just hypothetical readings of her behavior
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