#and legit nobody noticed except me

[hopskipandarump]

jesus fuck i have never clenched harder in my LIFE than today when our sam sent lb2 instead of lb3 at the start of phase 4

i was the only person who noticed as well and i knew 100% without a doubt that if i said something we would wipe because it would distract people so i just spent the whole phase silently sweating staring at that hp bar the entire time

the best part

is that somehow we made the dps check

and im pretty sure when i explained why it was so tight i sounded like id just run a marathon

[just-j-really]

Concept that grabbed me and wouldn't let me go:

Dreamling soulmate AU, only they're not soulmates.

I have ideas for the canon timeline, but for the sake of argument, let's go with a modern AU. Dream and Hob aren't friends, exactly, but they're in the same friend circle, so they see each other fairly often. And one night, Dream's been dragged out drinking with some friends, and he overhears a very drunk Hob saying that soulmates are stupid, HE'S not going to go along with it, he'll fall in love with whoever he wants! So Dream (a hopeless romantic) makes some sort of bet with him, that when he finds his soulmate he'll be blissfully happy with her.

After that, whenever they run into each other at other's friends' events Dream will ask Hob if he's met his soulmate (Eleanor, according to the messy handwriting on Hob's arm), and Hob will be like "Nope! But I've got a job at this weird startup!" and then talk at him for three hours. The bet goes from a bet they're taking seriously to an excuse to talk to each other to a Weird Bit that's an essential part of their friendship.

And they are, genuinely, friends at this point, which is why it's such a betrayal for Dream when Hob answers his joking "found your soulmate yet?" with a quiet, "I think I might have. He's been asking me that question for like a year now."

Dream does not take this well. He believes in soulmates, wholeheartedly. He can't figure out a single interpretation of Hob's declaration that doesn't leave him feeling used: best-case scenario Hob legit believes what he's saying (but is still using Dream in this obviously doomed experiment of his), worst-case scenario Hob's noticed that Dream is attracted to him (even if that will never ever go any further than meaningless attraction because they are not soulmates) and is deliberately trying to take advantage of him to prove his point.

They argue. Dream storms off.

Somewhere in here, Dream has a relationship with his Actual Literal Soulmate, Alianora. It is extremely Messy, and she breaks it off because they may be soulmates but clearly this is not working. She's not the first person ever to end things with their soulmate, but it's extremely rare, and the fallout is shit-awful for both of them because everyone in their lives is trying to figure out whose fault it was, never mind that the answer was "nobody's- they met under really awful circumstances and the specific cocktail of that and the pressure, both internal and external, they were under to Be Perfectly Happy Together Forever just. Poisoned their relationship and they didn't deal with it until it exploded and by then it was too late."

Eventually, Dream and Hob resolve their argument, complete with an inn-building-equivalent Big Gesture from Hob. Their relationship goes back to the way it was, mostly, except that Dream is undeniably aware that Hob is sad and pining after Dream and trying to hide it from him. And Hob being sad is Basically the Worst Thing That Could Possibly Happen.

Dream is... more aware of the implications of that thought than he'd like to be.

And once he's noticed that it's really, really hard not to notice how gorgeous Hob is when he smiles, the way his heart flutters whenever Hob calls him a nickname or makes sure to grab Dream a coffee when he gets one for himself, the fact that he'd be perfectly happy sitting and listening to Hob talk for hours...

And things are different now. Dream's soulmate doesn't want him, he's not betraying her if he starts a doomed relationship with someone else. Hob will be happy. The only person getting hurt here will be Dream, when Hob inevitably meets his soulmate. He's setting himself up to get hurt, yes, but at least he'll get to be happy with Hob before that.

So one night he very tentatively asks if Hob still meant what he said, about Dream being his soulmate. Hob's like "Crap I thought I was hiding it I'm so sorry I don't want you to be uncomfortable."

Dream's like "You are not actually that subtle. But I'm. Glad. You still feel that way."

It takes Hob a few seconds and a fairly terrible emotional rollercoaster to figure out what Dream meant by that, and Dream is not good about clarifying. But when he does he asks Dream on a date, and Dream agrees, and before he knows what's hit him Hob's moved in with him and is very cautiously hinting around about engagement rings and he can't possibly be in love with Hob, right? Whatever's between them is too easy, too natural, too much like they added romance to their existing friendship and somehow it worked perfectly and-

Oh. Shit.

And just when Dream realizes he's invested- not just invested, committed, this was Absolutely Not how the story's supposed to go and it's terrifying but he desperately wants it anyway- just when he's got something to lose-

Hob meets Eleanor.

And almost immediately asks if Dream would mind him explaining things to her one-on-one, since he thinks it would go more smoothly that way. Dream says he doesn't, and braces himself. It's not that he thinks Hob is lying to him. He 100% trusts that Hob has made this meeting to turn Eleanor down.

He's just also 100% certain that the moment Hob has a conversation with his soulmate he'll realize just how important a soulmate is, that Dream was right and that next to the person he's destined for, Dream means nothing to him.

When Hob gets back from the meeting he's happier than Dream's seen him in months, maybe ever, and Dream braces himself.

But the first thing Hob does after closing the door is kiss Dream, for several minutes.

And the second thing he does is excitedly tell Dream, "It went really well! She said I'm not worth it!"

And Dream's like "...what."

And Hob explains that he'd told Eleanor that he was very sorry, but he already had a soulmate, and she'd been upset but essentially told him "Yeah fine, if you're this adamant about not wanting a soulmate it is not at all worth it for me to pursue anything," with a grudging sort of understanding.

And Dream's like "...what."

And they go back and forth for a bit until finally Dream's like "But she's your SOULMATE. You're not even going to TRY to have something with your soulmate in order to stay with a man who is so bad at romance his soulmate left him."

And Hob's like "I've been saying for years now that you're my perfect other half, soulmates and destiny be damned, and I meant it. You're perfect, and I'm not letting you go for anything."

And Dream... still can't entirely believe in an undying non-soulmate romance the way Hob does. But he wants to, and he trusts Hob enough to try. And several years later they're married, maybe talking about kids, and in some mundane little domestic moment Dream realizes he does entirely believe in this now, in a way that snuck up on him gradually.

And he tells Hob he's won the bet.

[typingdyslexiaisathing]

Sleep Is Important

summary: Vash and his posse find places to sleep. While some get rooms at the inn, a few others end up inside a half ruined house to pitch the tent. Established relationships, casual talk, romantic fluff.

It wasn't the most ideal situation. Vash was able to admit that. Yet it was better than having to camp out in a cave for another night. Wolfwood didn't have the money for his own room. While I had used the last of my money for supplies and ammunition for everyone. So Wolfwood had suggested pitching the tent in that one old house with half the roof gone. Nobody was living there. The water still worked in the taps. So it was better than nothing.

I had taken the first turn at showering as Vash pitched the tent. Wolfwood working on making some kind of stew with the little groceries available. My time spent in that cracked bathtub with a shower head had felt like a luxury. Since the water was piping hot from this building being so close to the power plant. So I came out in my sleeping clothes looking as red as Vash's coat. Which Wolfwood had to tease me about for me to gently nudge my foot into his fine ass.

Vash took the next shower for me to notice one sleeping bag laid outside of the tent for me to scowl. My words pointed as I asked, "Which one of you left their sleeping bag outside of our tent?" Wolfwood flinched as he jabbed a thumb towards the bathroom door. "He did. After insisting it would be fine. I warned him it was a bad idea. You gonna lecture him?" I shook my head to just toss the sleeping bag into the tent and lay out all three against each other. "Nope. I am just gonna nail him into the floor of the tent." Wolfwood snorted to point out, "You might have wanted to phrase that different." So I legit kicked him in his ass.

Vash returned from the bathroom without a shirt and just his sweatpants to look very confused about his sleeping bag. So I walked over to hug him tight. "Family bunks together. No exceptions. You hear me, you two?" Wolfwood paused to look to me with a mixture of emotions as Vash went very quiet. So I made my point clear as I gave Vash a kiss on the cheek. "We've been through too much to just be acquaintances or travel buddies. More than friends. I see both of you as beloved family and think it's time I said so. Vash. Nicholas. You good with that?"

Vash took a long moment to let that settle in before that genuine gentle smile spread over his lips and eyes. Ruffling my hair to nod. "I'm good with that. I've been good with that for a while. As you say, Sunbeam." Vash looked to Wolfwood for the current cook to blush. Muttering under his breath as he began ladling out stew into bowls. "Feh. Fine. Whatever. Like I can argue that point. Just get yer butts over here and eat already."

We enjoyed the stew as the radio I brought with me played. With moments of grabbing either Wolfwood or Vash by the hand to dance to one random tune or another as the whim struck. Making them smile and laugh for us to settle into our new shared dynamic with each other. Until the dishes were washed and Wolfwood jumped into the bathtub for his own soak. Which left Vash and myself crawling into the tent to get tucked in. My sleeping bag in the middle for me to heave a sigh of air. Yet Vash wrapped his arm around me to hug me to him and chuckle into my ear. "Thank you, Sunbeam. For saying what I was too scared to say out loud. You're so much braver than I am." I gave a huff to then state, "In matters of emotional things and relationships. You two think too much and complicate those things way too much for your own good. Keep it simple. That way your brain won't get overloaded."

Vash nodded to then let me go as Wolfwood unzipped the tent to crawl in. His only coverings being a pair of sweatpants as he flopped into his own sleeping bag to huff. Then he snuck himself closer to me to stay warm. "Damn wind is a right pain in my ass. Tomorrow better be wind free." So it was that all three of us got comfortable to fall asleep. Yet after a few minutes passed of us drifting off, a certain someone opened their eyes to look very thoughtful. Their gaze turning to the other two sleeping to simply watch. Savoring the quiet and peaceful moment as the other two dreamed. Watching with a look of pure love and want before saying something so quiet the wind snatched it away. Then they closed their eyes to join their family in slumber.

When I woke up, I found I was using someone's chest for a pillow. Since the other someone was hugging both myself and my pillow as close as possible. Meaning I was getting squished between the two. Making my hormones roar up and take serious notice. Yet I stayed as quiet as possible to gather my wits and thoughts to figure out the what and how and why. Wolfwood gave a grunt to reach up in sleep and hug my head closer to his chest. Meaning he was my current pillow. While Vash was all but laying on top of me to let out a slight hum in his sleep. The sleeping bags all unzipped and more like a combined mattress for the three of us. A new blanket over us as both men stayed asleep. So I was very well and truly trapped between two extremely handsome and sexy men. The irony of such having me imagine how much Meryl would lecture me if she saw us like this. Which had me snort to then try very hard not to laugh out loud.

Wolfwood soon gave a hard groan to then flex both feet so the bones popped. His words like gravel as he ruffled my hair a bit. "Morning. You gonna kill us for the switch up?" I gave a huff of my own to close my eyes. "No. I am not mad over waking up like this. Either one of you cop a feel though and I'm slapping whoever decided to get grabby." Wolfwood snickered to have my head vibrate as his heart kept a strong pace against my ear. "I got up an hour after we called it a night to have a smoke. Only to nearly freeze my nipples off when I got out of the tent due to how cold it was. Thankfully, there are a ton of blankets and spare clothes in the bathroom storage closet. So I got it in gear and grabbed stuff to bring back to the tent. Vash was up and aware of the temperature drop. So he moved you up and out for me to rearrange the sleeping bags."

I gave a hum to note that Vash was awake and listening. So I chuckled to reach my hand up and gently run my fingers through his hair. making him sigh in pure bliss as all his tension fled. "Thank you both for the save from frigid cold. I honestly don't even want to get up. So... Let's just stay like this for a while." Both Vash and Wolfwood still in surprise to then laugh. So I get shifted to then get bear hugged from the front and behind. Making me all but purr as I am turned around so Vash can be my pillow and Wolfwood might get a turn as the big spoon for us to stay in the tent. My world complete and perfect as we just dozed the morning away. With each other. Exactly like I have always wanted.

[metalchickaf19]

The Bowers Gang: How the Guys Would React to Making Their Girlfriend Cry (Anonymous Request)

* Any and all credit for this idea goes to the requestor.

Belch

I honestly have no idea how this happened

Like... I’m legitimately bamboozled.

Huggins doesn’t yell at, tease, or even throw dirty looks his partner’s way no matter how pissed off he gets, so if he managed to make his s/o cry, I can only assume it was a complete and utter accident

Initially has no idea what he did, and goes into a level 10 panic, because girl emotions are terrifying

Goes full-on “deer in headlights” face, and starts apologizing for everything he’s said and done that day, trying to pinpoint what he did wrong

... Maybe he ate the last slice of pizza and you really wanted it or something.

... What? I don’t know your life (you sensitive sack). That’s just the most believable scenario I can come up with, because Huggins is  too nice to have done anything more extreme

No matter what he’s done to cause this though, no matter how big or how small...

... the guilt hits him like a fucking TRUCK. 

Like, seriously. Even if you are crying just because he ate the last piece of pizza. He wants to cry now too, and regurgitate it for you.

Overall, cares with all his fucking soul that he’s done something to make his partner sad, apologizes for it 100 times over, and will walk on eggshells around his partner for the next 10-12 hours, at least.

Henry

Okay, now this scenario is a little more realistic.

Henry yells at his s/o’s often, usually taking out all his frustrations from the day on them; he could easily push them too far simply by yelling way too hard, for way too long 

... Not to mention the cruel and abusive things that would be coming out of his mouth the entire time (i.e. has no qualms telling his s/o how stupid they are, how little he cares for them, how nobody can tolerate them except for him, etc.)

Surprisingly though, he does tend to lose steam once he notices he’s brought his partner to tears 

Just slowly quiets down until he stops talking altogether, just staring at his s/o with dead eyes while they sob

Bowers is really uncomfortable with any type of vulnerability, so he wouldn’t really know what his next move should be. He has enough heart not to want to make his partner feel worse, but he wouldn’t make any moves to make them feel better either

No hugging, no apologizing, nothing. Just observes for a while, registering the breakdown he’s caused, before completely avoiding the situation by walking out of the room

It’s some cold shit, not gonna lie - basically leaves his partner to get themselves together without him, then comes back and pretends nothing ever happened

To be honest though, Henry does feel the urge to comfort his s/o when he makes them cry; it’s not like he thinks they’re being a pathetic little crybaby or anything (*cough* Hockstetter *cough*)

Just doesn’t know how to go about comforting his partner, or taking back the things he said, so finds it easier to walk away until the uncomfortable emotions have stopped 

Patrick

So Patrick’s reaction to making an s/o cry can be summed up in one simple statement:

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA YOU PATHETIC LITTLE CRYBABY 

Bro literally never gets angry enough about anything to yell, so if he’s made a partner cry, it’s probably because he was making fun of them about something to begin with 

And everyone knows making fun of someone only becomes more fun when you know you’ve really gotten to them 

Legit just laughs his bony ass off, tussels his partner’s hair, and ends with a snide comment (”Awww, poor baby... PMSing today, are we?”)

Don’t come at me, the guy’s a dick, and if you expected sensitivity you’re a clod.

Victor

Honestly... 

... if Victor Criss makes you cry, you probably deserve it.

Like, honestly. The dude is smart enough not to make careless mistakes like Belch, kind enough not to go on a tirade at his partner like Henry, and sensitive enough never to pick on his partner’s shortcomings like Patrick.

So if Criss brings you to tears, it’s probably for a legitimate reason.

Mostly, I see Victor making his partner cry simply by being too cold to them during an argument - he doesn’t get loud when he has fights with an s/o, but can be so blunt and unfeeling in the things he says (provided he’s angry enough) that it seems almost as if he doesn’t love them anymore.

10/10 reaction to tears, though

No matter how upset he is, all arguing stops once Criss sees crying start to happen

He’ll literally just halt in the middle of a sentence, walk over to his partner, and wrap them in his arms until they get themselves together

Victor has no interest in bringing his partner to their breaking point, and, even if he feels that he’s right, and there’s more talking to be done, he’ll stop just long enough to let tensions fall back down to a level where they can have a productive conversation

In his mind, no one benefits from getting overly emotional in a fight; the only way to solve a problem is to stay level-headed and work as a team to fix the issue 

So, overall, Criss has the best reaction to a crying s/o - just accept their feelings and comfort them until they’re able to talk calmly again. Only way to live life, my dudes.

[beevean]

I think Frontiers has such low replay value for a few reasons:

While you can traverse the islands non-linearly, there is legit just very little that rewards your curiosity. There's no cool hidden items that you can find if you search for them, at most a few pretty places you probably would have gone to anyway if you want to complete the map for 100% each. So once you've gone and fully completed each map, you've basically seen it all already.

The game can be rather rail-roading: on Chaos Island, for example, there's a few smaller islands you can basically only ever go through in the same one or two ways. Picking the wrong way will bring you to a place where you don't need to go to anymore. Good luck if you can't find the correct paths, though, because it is very difficult to make out just where the heck rails and the like lead you.

Talking about the items: there's like... five, six of them total to be found on the map? You've got the attack and defence fruits, the Koco, the memory tokens, Experience Points, rings... and that is basically the gist of it, even if I feel like I'm forgetting stuff (which is not a good sign at all, since that means it is forgettable). It gets very boring very quickly to have those be the only things you ever find. To bring back BotW, if you went out of your way to go explore the game usually rewards you with a strong weapon or useful item... because it's got hundreds of weapons and items you can collect. Not just a mere six or so on the islands, who eventually become moot anyway if you've fully upgraded Sonic and his skill tree.

The world is just empty. There's legit nobody interesting to talk to, other than perhaps Sage and Sonic's friends, who disappear afterwards from those spots. And furthermore, they have the problem that you can go through their developments completely unhingedly depending on where you find them, so you can easily have Sonic and Sage chat cordially on the final island and then go back to the first and have her be blunt and rude instead. I would have liked a 'good ending' where Sonic helped his friends and Sage through taking the time to talk to them fully on each island before going to the next and a 'bad ending' where he did not do that, but alas...

So yeah, overall the replay value is low because once you've put in some effort on your first run, there is nothing that rewards you for doing more. Everything you get is the same constantly, and if you went and 100% completed the maps and talked to everyone the first time, there's just nothing new to be found on new playthroughs.

Btw I should add that the game has such poor replayability to me that I haven't even picked it up despite the various updates throughout the year already, so maybe things have become better and I just haven't noticed them yet. Maybe😅

As always, huge W for ShTH, King of Replay Value ❤️

I'm starting to think that it's not my issue if I can't watch a playthrough of the game without getting bored lol. But more seriously, it's a shame, because Sonic games have usually high replay value, through their level design with multiple routes or the ranking system, or exceptional cases like Advance 3's gimmick.

Sage was really wasted. Her interactions with Sonic are 99% "you will die" "how?" "go fuck yourself I'm not telling you", until we're supposed to care about her and her NANANANANANA. A sidequest where you have to make the effort to befriend Sage? Teach her what a loving relationship is, making her realize that Eggman doesn't actually care about her like she hoped to? And maybe unlocking her as help during the final boss? It would have been something new and interesting! oh well.

(also yeah I read that part about Khaos Island. It doesn't sound fun. Why rail road part of your open world like that?)

[bellehalla]

Omg I forgot about raging fires for like a HOT minute and then randomly remembered it like 45 min ago. Couldn't remember the name except that it had fire in it- searched all of ao3 for it and couldn't find it, searched here and couldn't find it. I've been STRUGGLING these last 45 min trying my hardest to find it again. Searched kaeya x inazumian reader, kaeya x cross dresser- legit everything I could think of.

Thankfully, I saw a reddit post asking for Kaeya Fic recs and found someone recommending it with a link.

It felt like seeing an old friend after years of lost communication when I found it again 😭😭

the x cross dresser is sending me looool maybe this is a sign to put it up as a tag? (i'm very bad at tagging in case nobody noticed)

this was sent to me months ago already so if you are still here anon, just know you made my day.

[spiders-rob]

Najsksnkakanaj My friend actually noticed and cared that me picking at my skin (often til it bleeds) is part of my OCD/anxiety and instead of just calling it gross or telling me to stop they actually helped calm me down wrt the actual thing I was anxious/picking about??? Tf???? Get on their level, y'all. So many people will be sympathetic until your symptoms are "gross" or "off-putting". Absolutely wild when someone has like, actual compassion. Legit NOBODY does that. Ever. Except now apparently they do. 10/10 Honestly idek how to express my appreciation to them. Suggestions fucking welcome. Wtfffff

[cathalbravecog]

Mmmm I don't ever go seek out art for TTCC it's all sent to me or I find it thru my recommended or thru reblogs but I think I talked about this before, I'm not sure - but a majority of the Cathal art I DO see here Nad on clash cord that isn't from me or friends/mutuals is... Him drawn as a child/legit a baby... I.... He's employed do you realize he's at at least an older teenager if you want to keep him that young... I have no specific age for him but like why does EVERYONE treat Cathal like just a baby child. Like his personality isn't JUST that he's Allan's son.

If you really want me to pick an age for Cathal he'd be around 19-23, still very young, understandable age for someone to have a First Job like that in my opinion - but already an adult and capable of things... And like just because he's lazy and he sits around and doesn't do anything because he DOESN'T WANT TO doesn't mean he's not capable..... Why do you people baby him so much. I agree he is adorable, and I myself want to be kind and gentle to him and have fun with him, I get it, I also adore Cathal a lot if you Can't Tell, but do people... Seriously have to baby him... Occasional "awe baby" is okay but people treat him just as a child or some Dude To Put In The Background (Which I get we all have our faves and stuff but yknow... Nobody ever fucking does him right when he's in the center)

I'm not trying to say I'm superior here or anything I'm just as flawed as anyone is but at least I want to respect Cathal and. Not baby him? This feels nearly like the papyrus situation again except Cathal is legit often drawn as a baby/kid even not in situations where he's young and growing up being raised by Allan which I've seen on clash cord a few times

Again sorry for the negativity I just want to get this off my chest because I just. Aurgh. I don't trust people for these reasons... This is why I'm my own little corner of SWAG And Cringe here (Also because I'm sensitive to People Treating Him Wrong and also I Am A Bit Possesive Of My Blorbos)

Like pls tell me I'm not the only one who noticed just HOW MANY people do this.... Can we see Cathal for more he is than just uwu cutie babyyyyy

[a-student-out-of-time]

I know it's been awhile, but if the Arei/J thing is true, Levi is a prime suspect because of the chapter 1 FTE video. In the top 20 most voted pairing, J and Levi got 8th place, despite them not interacting with each in the first chapter from what I can remember. Almost every other pairing on that list either had some interaction, even if it was small, or something like Ace/Arei who were both bullies. Me thinks people on the team may have wanted to give the chapter 2 deaths some spotlight.

//I know people are probably tired of me talking about this...but I'm gonna do it again.

//I want to ask a genuine question: let's say you're right and Levi is the killer. I've seen a lot of people who are thoroughly convinced it's him and even patting themselves on the back over it, thinking they've got it all figured out. But are you happy with that?

//Let's say that's the scenario. Arei, who wanted to be a good person, went to Levi about her secret. Levi, who's tried to be a good person but still has a dark streak to his personality, doesn't know she's trying to turn over a new leaf and thus either kills her in a fit of rage or knocks her out and sets up the death contraption, both of which he could do because he's strong.

//Okay, but as an explanation, doesn't that just feel...predictable? Unsatisfying? Even flat-out boring?

//In fact, not only is it all three of those to me, it completely undercuts the messages and themes of Despair Time itself. Something that I feel a lot of people continue to miss entirely.

//Despair Time Chapter 2 has, in large part, been about the importance of building and rebuilding trust. Not only has Teruko been the centerpiece of so many discussions about why her paranoid distrust of everyone is unhelpful, but Ace has constantly been antagonizing and mistrusting Levi after that outburst in the first trial.

//If you're saying Levi is the killer, you're effectively saying Ace is right. You're saying that every paranoid accusation that Levi was waiting to kill him or someone else was accurate, and that in turn, you're also saying Teruko was right for not trusting anyone.

//Except the game is trying to tell us that trusting nobody is just as dangerous as trusting everybody. That's a key theme in everything going on here, and having a killing that undermines that feels out of place.

//Furthermore, another thing to consider is this: wouldn't it be far more knife-twisting and tragic for them to make Arei an active part of this chapter, and we get to see her desire to change, then leads to her death? Instead, she only gets a handful of scenes here and there, one of the big ones in a flashback with Eden.

//They were good scenes, don't get me wrong, but if they wanted us to feel like she was raising legit death flags, there should've been more focus on her, not less. Instead, she practically vanishes after the playground scene and apparently then turns up dead. And with all that's gone on so far, I believe it was by design. Arei dying like this also makes no sense otherwise.

//This is why I still stick to my switch theory. Not only does it fit with themes of the story, but Levi, being the Ultimate Personal Stylist, is the perfect person to make them look similar enough that nobody would notice.

//So no, I don't think Levi is the killer. It's the most predictable and played-out explanation one could go with, and with as high production value as DT has had, I absolutely cannot believe they'd go that route. There's far more going on here than we realize.

[katyspersonal]

Some recent 🅱️loodborne ideas notes reflecting my internal creative workings:

1) I was drawing Yurie with dark hair and only later learned her data has blonde hair, plus her name is correctly translated as Julie ( x ), so that kept bothering me... But honestly? Despite blonde color, she is bald, so like... What if I call it that she IS blonde but got early balding (like Patches xd), but was self-conscious and wearing a wig that just happens to be dark. I already was drawing her with different hairstyle every time as a gag, so like... This honestly wrote itself and makes too much sense ;-; gfjhjvhj

2) I decided I will actually split Caryll into two characters - one is this very smart scholar guy that created the alphabet for sounds of Great Ones, and another is the witch from Hemwick that invented the tool that burns runes in the mind and thus was honored by Old Hunters as statue in workshop and explored dungeons! They worked together as the witch got surgery to put literal eyes on her brain to listen to more sounds - while Caryll was writing them down and making sense of them! The fact that Hunter can learn a rune by killing someone or standing next to Adeline during her insight or something tells me being close to who perceives the sound could make you hear (see?) it too! I think even though Caryll is also a mistranslation and character's name is Karel (explicitly male name), giving him the Caryll works better as I opt out for localized names too. But I could name the witch Carolee - a variant of name Caryll (not name Karel!) that still avoids the confusion. Funny enough - 'runesmith' is ALSO a mistranslation, as Karel is actually 'transcriptor' in Japanese original. But runesmith fits her better, meanwhile transcriptor fits him better! Yeah, what else can I say except...

3) Gratia note! In real world, gigantism only effects males, and in Bloodborne lore we also notice that Pthumerians have gigantic variants... only found within male enemies. I also already safely assumed pthumerians and humans can mix (like vilebloods and BB Patches are easily mixed species), so this 'gene' might persist here too. Okay lets smoke harder - within the canon, particularly RED type of ginger hair is only shown in Gratia and females of Cainhurst, and if Lost Giant Children (known as 'abandoned at birth' in internal files) having whiplash scars on their backs means anything - this 'gene' could be considered a birth defect back I'm pthumerians and now vilebloods too. Gratia might be not just soulsbornishly tall - she might be 'giant'! Very strong and hulking but dimwitted (legit word used in Japanese). So basically, being born a woman with this anomaly is a miracle comparable with male calico cats (that are technically intersexual, and alas can't breed). So uh... Intersexual Gratia, anyone? Alas, most likely orphaned by Cainhurst.

4) I think I smoked THE strangest idea for Amelia's second parent and that came from NOwhere o_o But I mentioned that I think the white church woman at Surgery Altar was her mother? Okay like... I can't quite explain it, it wrote itself, but father could be Logarius. It just came to me on its own without any logical chain, by intuition, but after I looked at how I designed Amelia it made sense and I HATE it gdjjgjhh Vasylissa (the white church hunter lady) basically more or less used him specifically to get pregnant, as he appeared 'not TOO repulsive' in her eyes back then as just an intriguing local Evil!Ludwig rambling weird shit and being brutal hunter, nor she really wanted/planned to tie her life with a man in familial way. Raising the child with a (future) wife, on the other hand.... He was good for ensuring lack of lasting emotional attachment on his side as well, her concern was 'very good health for the baby' at most - she certainly didn't plan to die early and leave Amelia orphaned, though... Also for basically everyone else father is not known - nobody would believe Vasylissa as 'stop trying to dirty a HOLY man's name, he is ABOVE things like sex! >:(' .Granted, she didn't really want to talk about THAT herself either.

5) Izzy I wrote as a female character originally, much later learning she has male name originally too (variant of George basically). I still haven't decided whether to just change the character to be a feminine man, to have an intersexual parents named a male name thinking she was a boy for not having much medical knowledge, or to roll with 'well mom/dad wanted a boy and thus raised me as one'. I will see which one of the three works better as time goes by, but the latter probably flows the best - let's me not change much, and gives cathartic value to her 'at last' using silly ribbons and flowers and other feminine things like she was denied, even if she is an adult and looks like a brute from violent past and wrestling too many bears with her bare hands. XD Last option just... explains my design of her that was created intuitively - a strong, big, scarred woman but with even childish feminine accessories! Looks like interesting psychological situation - and that design came randomly! In either case after beasthood insight arc the character uses he and she interchangeably! But bottom line, I decided against the option of using the fake name that stuck, it just feels better if her name is her name! Plus Patches already grabbed the 'using a nickname that stuck' card. Nobody calls their child PATCHES fhhhghnkg

[euclydya]

1, 12 & 13 for the ask game

- @mansplainmanipulatemalewife

ohhhhhh this got Ranty w the first question BAHAHAHAHA uhhhhh under the cut lol

the character everyone gets wrong

ELECTROCHEMISTRY. OKAY . OK!!!!!!!!! listne to me LISTEN TO ME. i am speaking into your ear right now. Electrochemistry has done nothing wrong. All E-chem wants is Joy. It wants Harry 2 find things that Spark Joy . ok ???????!! AND IT'S NOT E-CHEM'S FAULT THAT THE THING THAT SPARKS JOY FOR HARRY IS DRUGS. OK. it's not E-Chem's fault that Harry went "ok drugs and alcohol make me Happy Currently" and that E-Chem was like "Okey 😃👍❗ Understood!" Donot blame E-chem for that THANK YOUvery much. ok.

It is not some fuvkign Demon okay!!!!!!!!! Wrong? Yes! Absolutely!! But it doesn't intentionally! Fuckign!!! DO THAT! On purpose! To make Harry's life worse!!!!!! What we understand is it just tOok the information learned/given ["X Thing makes happy chemical happen. This is good! Happy chemical Good and Needed."] and rolled with it aND CAN YOU BLAME IT FOR THAT. no <3.

Like. We don't know much abt addiction [except that it Does run in our family. And we probably are Very Prone To It given that fact.] but I assume to help an addict you don't fucking yell at em for it. You try to. Help them. Help em find something else Not Harmful to make the Happy Chemicals happen right?? yelling doesn't do shit for anyone </3 and . If Given A New Outlet For the to find Dopamine in a nonharmful way Then both Harry cna get better & E-chem can learn that drugs arent Good ANYWAYS MY POINT IS!!!!!!!!!!

E-CHEM IS INNOCENT YOUR HONOUR. DJSJXJXJZJXJXJXJXJ

worst blorboficiation

Girl.,.,.,,.,.,.,. Hmmb. Would whatever's going on w fanon Jean count ,,,............... have we all forgotten hhow much of a jackass he is actually. like He's a well written character butalso That man is not good . <3 he is so not niceys or normal or niceys . I wiuld kill him without hesitationFJDJJSJDCJCJCJ

HONESTLY ACTUALLY. IT REMINDS ME. HOW FANDOM TREATS HIM REMINDS ME OF HOW THE 0FM.D FANDOM TREATS IZZY LMAO?????? EJXJSKAKXKCKCXK [LEGIT I FIND THAT FUNNY I'M NOT BEING PETTY]

the unpopular character that you actually like and why more people should like them

OK LIKE,,.,.,,.,.,.,.,. so we haven't even come Near finishing the gmae so our opinions on characters and who we're even Aware of are v v . Not A Lot but. anywyas.

outside od the fan favourite skills nobody rllt cares abt like. All the others wethink?? sure they have their fans too but that's liek few n far btwn feom what we've noticed. and leik. Anyways. *hholds Encyclopedia in my hands* Do you seehim. Doyiu See Him

. Pleas elooke at Encyclopedia pls. He is so <3! he is so (⁠ﾉ⁠◕⁠ヮ⁠◕⁠)⁠ﾉ⁠*⁠.⁠✧. He makes my heart so ♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️.

reasons u should like him:

he shares so many fun facts with u. Thatsliterally his job. he's the funf acts guy.

he looks sO NEAT!!!!

. tbh that's it . we looked thru his dialog on fayde and honestly it truly Is just 99% fun facts abt random shit innit HFHSJSKAAKDJCJ

BUT STILL. he is. MY BLORBO fucke youe if you dont like encyclopedia all my homies love encyclopedia fucka off if u disagree. i love learning useless trivia and i lov ehearing people infodump when i jave mental energy for it. i would kill for him .

ALSO HE'S RELATABLE we too just share random knowledge we have when we remember it. <3.

-Electrochem

[rubykgrant]

(now have some Caboose, Tucker, and Church~)

Caboose and Tucker; Yes, they are a package deal, only they don't know it (yet). Simmons starts spending more time with Caboose, they just really vibe with certain things, Simmons starts to learn that a lot of Caboose's "non-sequiturs" are actually him noticing things nobody else does and pointing out an important observation, and Caboose likes that Simmons will go from humoring him about a supposedly impossible idea to legit trying to make it WORK. This means Grif has more time to hang out with other people, and he gets along well with Tucker, so they chill... it's kinda funny, they both make each other feel like they're "younger", not kids or anything, but before they were in the BS military and could just do whatever with their buddies (except they didn't have people they would have called really GOOD buddies back then, so they also talk a lot about their current friends, both complaining and also appreciating them). It's all pretty nice, really. Caboose brings up that they should "do-si-do", by which he means, he'll hang out with Grif and Simmons should spend time with Tucker. Y'know, so it'll be "even". That's fine with Grif, he likes Caboose a lot. Tucker and Simmons aren't sure what to do though... it feels very awkward, like they two kids forced to hang out because their parents went to the same party. Then they start talking, and they find out they have both felt like nobody really took them seriously in the past, they were just "annoying", so even when Simmons wanted to help, and even when Tucker was RIGHT, people didn't pay attention. In a weird way, they bond over feeling like they get boxed-in (by their own behavior), Simmons kinda indulges his more immature side with Tucker, while Tucker can share some of his serious thoughts. Caboose is glad his plan worked, now they can hang out together, and nobody will feel left-out. Which they do. Which is nice. Only... Tucker feels weird about this, somehow. Now that he knows both Grif and Simmons on a deeper level, it makes him kinda- what? Not uncomfortable exactly, but SOMETHING, when he sees them hug and kiss or whatever. He's GLAD they finally got together, so this isn't jealousy or anything, what the heck IS it? Meanwhile, Caboose is comfortably leaning in to join a hug or a cuddle, and it takes Grif and Simmons a WHILE before they realize that it DOESN'T feel weird, and it also doesn't just feel like a buddy-hug, Caboose is legit being CHARMING, and OK- NOW Tucker is jealous, but WHY??? Caboose has to encourage Tucker to just come on over, sit closer, he's got 3 laps to choose from, and Tucker does, and... this is happening. Yeah. Caboose is very proud of himself, and the other three realize he literally romanced them all!

Church; Once he kinda reconnects with everybody, Church really does like Grif and Simmons. They're annoying dorks, but they're kinda funny and cool. He's SLIGHTLY less antagonizing now too, but still fun to argue with, and he makes them laugh. Simmons and Church are both SO clever and SO smug, if they're on the same page about something, they'll just keep ego-boosting each other. Church agrees with Grif about how much it sucks to keep being all "responsible" and actually DO stuff... however, Church can see the big picture on how stuff will pile-up then be WORSE, so he has plans on how to maximize problem-solving and then just RELAX. When he hangs out with them together, it's kinda funny- they start feeling like they've been this close for a long time, or they were old roommates, or something. Church might complain a lot, but he also likes to be the one who takes care of people, and he starts getting into the habit of making a shared lunch or dinner for all of them. One evening, he gets a little sentimental, talking about how they make a good couple, and something-something- if he knew they both had so much potential as "boyfriend material", maybe he missed a chance with ONE of them. He totally doesn't mean anything... at first. It kinda makes Grif and Simmons start thinking, though. Church is a jerk, but he's a surprisingly caring jerk, who is good company and maybe has his own potential as boyfriend material. They have to be the ones to bring it up- "Me and my boyfriend like your vibe", and he just laughs at first, they can NOT be serious, he sucks! He KNOWS he sucks! They don't want THIS. No, they do. He needs a LOT of convincing, but after like, three months into this relationship, he's starting to kinda-sorta believe them

Everybody knows I am a Grimmons Person... but for the fun of rare-pairs, here are some thoughts I have for other characters being in this Orange/Maroon Peanutbutter/Jelly sandwich~ (a silly way of saying, hey- here are some relationships that are Grif/Simmons/other characters)

(I have thoughts for several, but right here are Locus, Wash, and Donut, I'll add more later~)

Locus; Grif is just super chill hanging out with him, doesn't take NO for an answer when Locus tries to disappear into the shadows, but also? Locus actually LIKES Grif's company, which is very rare, so he doesn't have it in him to actually avoid Grif/reject him. HOWEVER... Simmons is very jealous and petty. He's also very intimidated by the big scary former mercenary... sometimes the jealousy overrides the intimidation, and Simmons will get IN BETWEEN THEM, saying some passive-aggressive nonsense about how Locus will NEVER understand all their inside jokes, etc. Then Simmons notices... Locus is so very AWKWARD. He like- doesn't try to bully Simmons back? What??? OK, now Simmons feels bad. He resents Locus for making him feel bad, so he tries extra hard to include Locus in things they've both done before (because that'll teach him a lesson?). Locus just accepts all the attention as he does with Grif. They tell him one day that he's been looking better lately, gained some weight back, and can finally relax, and Locus casually gives them honest compliments back, and it is like they JUST realized he's handsome (they get all twitterpated for a minute). Neither Grif nor Simmons is sure how to like... discuss the idea of three-way-dating? Not exactly something they planned on. They eventually bring it up to Locus, and HE gets all flustered, and accepts. It's hard to figure out which one is more surprised by the results (Grif, who has his adorably weird nerd AND somebody who defines the strong silent type? Simmons, who has TWO big beautiful men? Locus, who has genuine affection and intimacy that DOESN'T have life-threatening undertones? yeah, the bar is kinda low for Locus in terms of relationships, but Grif and Simmons are a VAST improvement)

Wash; He has to be the one that initiates. Not because they wouldn't be interested, they just don't expect HIM to be interested. Wash is also not super great at this. He tries to kinda introduce the idea of being kinda "flirty" with each of them solo. In his head, this is supposed to be "sweet", like- I care about you both as individuals, but I'd love us all to be TOGETHER. For Grif and Simmons, they now think Wash is? A HOME-WRECKER??? Which sounds stupid and weird, maybe Wash is just trying to joke around in a weirdly intimate way. So they kinda play along, and he thinks it is working, but then they finally ask if this is a prank or whatever, and now he's MORTIFIED. Wash avoids them for a week, and when they talk to him again, he explains, and they assure him this is FINE, in retrospect it was just funny haha, then invite him out for a movie to show everything is cool. Grif and Simmons come to an agreement after the movie... and start individually flirting with Wash. He thinks they're just teasing him for being a dork. They have to actually call another trip to the movies their "second date" before he GETS IT. Everybody else just sees them teasing each other a LOT more often, but laughing about it, being all cute. Wash even starts picking up some of their habits (naps with Grif, watching deep-dive/documentaries with Simmons). Wash asks all politely if it will alright to kiss them, and it isn't FAIR for Wash to be cute like that and also be such a nag (Grif now has 2 people ganging up on him to do laundry/the dishes, Simmons has 2 people reminding him to sleep, and Wash has 2 people who make sure he actually eats properly)

Donut; He always wiggle-worms his way into their space. He acts like he didn't realize they were trying to be all lovey-dovey, but they know he knows. He must be lonely for their company, maybe he feels extra left-out with them being a couple. He manages to NOT be totally annoying when they're doing whatever, so they decide let him spend more time with them. This just encourages Donut to hang out with them MORE, and he always seems to be bribing them for more attention, making Grif treats or telling Simmons about a new bookstore with something he's interested in... the only they do alone, is when they go to bed. One night, Grif and Simmons talk about how clingy Donut has been, they way he's acting around them, and even when they aren't with him, he looks at them all wistfully. Grif jokes Donut is acting like he's got a CRUSH or something, and they have to go OHHHHHH. Which one of them? BOTH of them??? What are their options here? Let Donut down, try to be nice about it, still hang out but as friends, or... there is an OR? Really? Really. Donut isn't really so obnoxious. Even when he is, they can tell he's doing it on purpose, and these two LOVE bothering each other, that is their whole thing. They can appreciate that he knows them both very well, and yeah- they know him, he's been part of their lives for a long time, and they both know how it feels to pine after somebody when it seems like a lost cause... so, they keep letting Donut hang out with them. He doesn't know they know. Until, one night, after staying up to watch a horror marathon, Donut sighs as he gets ready to leave the room, but Grif and Simmons scoot over on their bed and hold the covers open for him. He joins them, literally just for sleeping, but then Donut starts actually CRYING, he feels like they're just being nice and he's being disingenuous (oh, the pain of unrequited love), and they have to tell him to KNOCK OFF THE DRAMA, he likes them, they like him, they GET IT, Simmons has to hug Donut and roll over while holding so he's in the middle, where he actually gets double-cheek-kisses in the dark. Now he wants to giggle about it, and they tell him to SHUT UP. He tells them they're a-holes. All three happily argue for an hour before settling down enough to sleep

[kawaiijellymonster]

you ever have to tell your parent that they're doing shitty things and it upsets you? bc yea that sucks

[millenialfanfictionaddiction]

🦅Shiratorizawa's Manager Dating Ushiwaka 🦅

Ushijima Wakatoshi x Female Manager featuring Shiratorizawa

(Side note: YN you are one lucky lady 😌)

Warnings: just me simping over Ushi

AN: This was a request from my lovely @loevngyuno 😍 thank you for giving me the opportunity to write for our favorite stoic birdie 🥰

Oh no..

Oh no no no YN

What are you getting yourself into 👀

First off, you had no clue ✨THE✨ Ushijima Wakatoshi had a little crush on you

I mean, obviously you did 😅

Have you seem his hands ✋🏻

The mans has protected you from everything

Mostly Oikawa

Ok scratch that

He's taken your back against Oiks

Nobody needs protection from him

Iwaizumi gave you his personal cell to contact him if Oiks was bothering you 😌

Besties with Iwa

Back to Ushiwaka

You honestly can't tell this man has a crush on you

He doesn't even know he has a crush on you

Tendo informs him he has a crush

Tendo: do you think she's pretty?

Ushi: yes 😐

Tendo: do you like being around her?

Ushi: yes 😐

Tendo: does it bother you when others guys talk to her?

Ushi: yes 😐😑

Tendo is so excited 😊

Semi and Reon sit in silence

Can it really be this hard to figure out you like someone?

Yes yes it can be

Now I really don't think Ushiwaka is going to wait for someone to hook you two up

Mans will walk up to you in the middle of practice and ask you out

You 👉🏻😊😳😶🥺

Tendo👉🏻😍🎉

Goshiki👉🏻😫😭

Everyone else 👉🏻👁👄👁

It happens just like that

Ushi isn't going to waste time

Any dreams you have of secretly dating the man are instantly crushed

They were the moment Tendo learned the truth

Tendo actually had a plan for setting you up

He was secretly devastated it didn't work out

It involved fireworks

Semi and Shirabu told him it was illegal

Tendo told them love conquers all

Kawanishi told him it would not conquer bail money

Everyone is relieved they didn't have to use Tendos plan

Semi had 3 back up plans anyways

Congrats YN you and Ushi are now "Mom and Dad"

YN you better prepare 👀

Just kidding, Ushiwaka is legit the most chill boyfriend ever

Like he hangs out with you and you spend time together but mans spends 99% of his day on a volleyball court

Good think you are the manager 😏

Nothing really changes

You still scold the boys

Only now Ushiwaka has your back all the time

He legit stands behind you when you get mad at them

Bodyguard status for our boy

If the team doesn't listen, he makes them run laps

Legit the mans is a great support

Now when I say he's "chill" that only goes so far YN

I won't lie, he's possessive

Like you are your own person and he's cool with that

But like other guys will not 🙅‍♀️ bother you

Except Tendo

Tendo could care less 😅

Plus like you and Tendo are BFFS

Semi, Reon and the other third years know their boundaries

Plus you are their manager

They love and respect you 🥺

Goshiki however 👀

Mans will not lay off

He is DEVESTATED YN

Please consol him

Give him hugs and headpats until he calms down ok

Ushiwaka does not like this

Legit will fume in the corner 😡

He's a jealous bby and I think we all see it

Alot of people think he wouldn't care but he notices

HE NOTICES EVERYTHING

Please YN reassure your man

Maybe a little kiss 💋

Ushiwaka could give or take PDA

Honestly will hold your hand and kiss you in public

Mans lives in his own world

Eat, sleep, volleyball, hang with YN

Tendo has like 50 plus pictures of you both in his phone

He's all over this relationship

Designated third wheel who legit does not care he's a third wheel

Semi comes along to monitor Tendo

It's like going out with a child and their babysitter 🙄

Now that we've established how our stoic boys are 👀

Tournaments are..

Well.... umm.... well...

Lets just say Ushiwaka hoovers 😬

He makes you walk next to him

Don't worry Reon took your place at the back of the group to make sure nobody wanders off

Tendo is legit your person entourage

Goshiki wants to hold your hand

Ushiwaka glares 😑

Shirabu and Kawanishi just roll their eyes the whole time 🙄

Semi is counting down the days to graduation

Now obviously uou have a job to do

Everyone knows that... right?

WRONG

Ushiwaka trusts you, he really does

But he doesn't trust others

Mainly Oikawa

How could he not have come to Shiratorizawa?

So when you insist on filling the water bottles alone, Ushiwaka gives in

Like he knows you are capable but like

✨boys✨

You tell him you brought your pepper spray

You can NEVER be too careful YN

Fill those bottles up queen!

You fill the bottles up quickly

By the bathroom...

The boys bathroom...

Oh dear God why do they out the fountains by the bathrooms?

You turn to walk back 🚶‍♀️

The door opens 👀

Hinata runs *smack* into you 😬

"Oh im so sorry"

"HINATA YOU DUMBASS"

Kageyama went to the bathroom thss time too

You steady yourself

The door opens again 👀

"YN-CHANNN"

dear God what is your life YN 😭

The whole gangs here ✌🏻

Oiks, Kags and Hinata 🥰

Legit 2 seconds have passed since Oiks shouted your name

You haven't even returned a greeting

Ushiwaka is there 🙌🏻

Man poofed out of nowhere

Like ok 👍🏻

Mans has a 6th sense

Grabs you around the waist, pulls you to him

Grabs the water bottles from you hand

Mans is STRONG AF

"Everything ok baby?"

Yeah Ushiwaka will use a petname when he feels threatened

Oikawa 👉🏻 😶😳😱

Hinata 👉🏻🤨

Kags 👉🏻🧐

You 👉🏻 🥰🥰

" I'm fine Toshi thank you"

Cuddle into your giant tree boyfriend YN

Tendo and the team finally pull up

Tendo is ready to fight

Suga and Daichi already dragged away Hinata and Kags

Oikawa is still stunned 😲

Ushiwaka is staring him down

Oikawa is looking from you to Ushi

Ushi 👉🏻😐

You 👉🏻😊

Ushi👉🏻😑

You👉🏻🤪

Finally your bestie from Seijoh shows up with Mattsun and Makki

Thank GOD

You began to worry about Oiks mental health

"Leave them alone shittykawa" 🙄👊🏻

"Ouch Iwa-chann" 😖😫

Makki filmed it for Kunimi

Kumini has a live stream of Iwa beating up Oiks

Ushiwaka glares as they drag Oiks away

Secretly he's so happy

He's smiling on the inside YN

Season 4 smile at that 😍

Leads you back to the gym hand in hand

Lord help Oikawa if Shiratorizawa plays against them

Oikawa will need reconstructive surgery

Either from Ushi or Iwa targeting him

Shiratorizawa makes it to the finals

Shocking I know 😅

You are so proud of your boys 🥺😫

Give them all hugs YN

Ushi can suck it you need to praise your boys

Ushiwaka understands

Hauls you to the bus

While Ushiwaka is helping to load the bus

Tendo sneaks on 👀

Steals Ushi's seat

Oh god 🤦‍♀️

Ushiwaka enters the bus and just stares 😐🤨😑

Tendo 👉🏻🤗

Semi👉🏻🙄😏

You👉🏻😳😬

Ushiwaka will sit somewhere else

Tendo freaks out 😳

He thinks he ruined your relationship

Legit cries and begs Ushiwaka to go back to you

Ushiwaka is so confused

You are also confused

"You can sit with YN Tendo" 😐

"NO PLEASE FORGIVE HER"

Tendo is a teenage drama queen

Nobody has any clue what's going on

Tendo pulls you to sit by Ushiwaka

You legit have no clue what's happening

You jusy want to sleep

Ushiwaka smiles

"My plan worked"

You smile 😊

Lay your head on that man's shoulders and cuddle YN 😍

[maiverie]

doublespeak — ft. park jongseong | 02

keep your friends close and your enemies closer.

synopsis: there’s nobody you detest more than park jongseong—he’s obnoxious, he’s rude, and he always manages to top you in every single class. while you pride yourself as one of the smartest students in your school, there’s something you can’t quite figure out the formula for—the explosive chemistry between you and your (hot) enemy.

characters: park jongseong x fem!reader

genres: romance, fluff, comedy, high school

au(s): academic rivals, “i wanna punch him except he’s really fucking hot fml” au, jay being an annoying, cocky asshole

contents: frenemies to lovers, constant bickering & banter, childish arguments, studying fluff, suggestive themes, smartass jay w brains

warnings: swearing, lowercase intended

a/n: my first jay fic! <3 my fav trope is enemies to lovers so i’ve been dying to write something like this T^T i legit had so much fun writing all the banter and felt the “frenemies��� vibe was cute! anyway i really hope u guys enjoy it!! :>

chapter two

word count: 4.6k | navigation: previous / next / masterlist

//

“good,” jongseong says. “and i hate to be a dick, but there’s something at stake here for me.” he hums a little. “would you be able to do me a favour?”

when you turn to stare at the situation, you notice your students are looking at each other once again. a dubious look etched across their features, you begin to frown with suspicion.

“what… what is it?” they ask him.

“bring little miss piggy to the party,” he points at you with his thumb. “or don’t come at all.”

your two students, riki and sunwoo, appear as though they’ve seen a ghost — their smiles disappear; in fact, all colour vanishes from their complexions at the drop of a hat, leaving no tinctures of emotion.

well, maybe one emotion — fear.

“t… teach,” they finally disrupt their stunned silence by gawking at you, a look of horror encased in their eyes. “please… please come to the party with us! we really, really wanna go!”

“guys, stop being idiots.” you frown, lacing your arms across your chest. you narrow your eyes at them, disconcerted by the way they’re staring at you. you’ve never seen them look so starved and desperate, as though you hold the key that’ll stop the world from collapsing and annihilating all of humankind.

this is just a tad dramatic, isn’t it?

“and you—” you avert your eyes from your panicked pupils, now glaring at jongseong. “you need to leave. now.”

“really?” he blinks, feigning ignorance with a small smile. the sight makes one of your eyes twitch with irritation. god, who does he think he’s fooling with that face?

soon, he channels his attention back toward your students. “kids, what do you think? should i leave?”

“no!” they immediately cry in unison, suddenly rising from their seats. they scuffle with one another, struggling their way out from behind the chairs as they scramble their way toward you.

you stare with utter bewilderment, taken aback by their sudden proximity. they stand in front of you now – desperation and determination apparent in their gazes.

you open your mouth to speak, when suddenly the pair both instantly drop to their knees.

what—

“teach!” they cry, slapping their palms together in prayer form, “please, please, please come to the party!”

“what—” you splutter, flabbergasted and mortified at the sight. are they seriously begging you on their hands and knees? what’s worse is that their actions gain a few onlooking stares from nearby strangers, throwing you into a swivet of embarrassment and panic. “guys,” you clench your teeth, trying to awkwardly laugh off the situation, “what are you — get up! now!”

“but, teach—”

“i said, get off the ground!”

“please—”

oh no.

oh god.

they’re clutching on your legs now.

what the fu—

“teach! please!” they wail, hugging your legs like it’s titanic and you’re the last lifeboat. oh god! you start breaking out into a cold sweat, flustered by the attention you’re gaining.

“what the—” you shriek, attempting to shake them off, “are you guys insane? hey! get off me!”

“please, please, please, please, please!” they shamelessly cry, causing you to snap your head up and jongseong with desperation. in return, he offers you a smug smile, like he’s the puppet master and the marionettes are doing exactly what pleases him — this exchange causes your blood to boil, because you know he’s concocting some sort of plan designed to bite you in the ass.

“thanks to you, they’ve gone rabid!” you hiss at him, attempting to shove the leeches off your leg.

jongseong sniggers in response, taunting you with a casual shrug. “they just want to go to their first senior party,” he sighs, placing a gentle hand on his chest under the pretence of pity. “it’s just so sad that you’re denying them the opportunity.”

“that’s your fault, not mine!” you bark, finally managing to escape from their grasps. a scoff springs from your chest before you rush back toward the table, from which you begin to hurriedly gather your belongings. carelessly, you shove your teaching material papers and books straight into your backpack.

“w-wait, teach! where are you going?”

“home,” you hiss, angrily zipping up your backpack, “where i won’t get mauled by a bunch of animals.”

“but—”

“guys, c’mon!” you finally snap, twirling around as you slide your arms through the strap loops, fastening the backpack against your spine. “stop being dumb. he’s obviously bluffing. you’re still invited whether i go or not, okay? he’s just teasing you.”

“uh, no, i’m actually serious,” jongseong grins, sliding his hands into his pockets again.

“uh, no, you’re actually just an annoying little shit.” you snap your head at him, childishly mocking his voice. you really shouldn’t be stooping down to his level, but you find the urge to immaturely stick out your tongue and effectively halve your age.

“uh, no, i’m actually pretty sure those things aren’t mutually exclusive.”

“uh, no, i’m actually pretty sure you just admitted that you are, indeed, an annoying little shit.”

“uh, no, i actually never said that.”

“uh, yes, you did.”

“uh, no, i didn’t.”

“uh, well, it’s not like you needed to say it for me to know it.”

“uh, well, in this society, the opinions of four-eyed, helmet-wearing piggies don’t really count.”

your short fused temper completely snaps. “call me piggy one more time and i’ll fucking rip out all your hair and make you bald for real!” you scream, launching toward him with claws unsheathed. you’re so close to tackling him down to the ground, when suddenly you feel strong forces yank you back.

it’s sunwoo and riki.

they’re dragging you backwards, preventing you from finishing jongseong’s life right then and there. and given your skyrocketing blood pressure, it’s a good decision that they’ve decided to obstruct you from slicing his guts alive. if not for them, you’d have been pummelling your fists in his face and sending him for a special visit to the nearest intensive care unit.

“seems like you’re the one that’s gone rabid.” jongseong cackles, guffawing loud enough that you hear his laugh bounce off the walls and ricochet into your poor, unsuspecting ears.

“you laugh now, until you’re sleeping at 3am and i’m holding a knife under your throat,” you glower, venom oozing from your tongue.

he smirks, unmoved by your threats. “piggy, all i’m hearing is that you’ll be in my room at 3am,” he winks suggestively. “you should know that whatever happens at 3am isn’t really in my control.”

you instantly shut your mouth, scowling at the gross undertone of what he’s just said. he’s just trying to get under your skin, you remind yourself, resisting the urge to projectile vomit all over the library’s floor.

just kidding, you’d never actually deface your favourite place in school – the beloved library. libraries must be protected at all costs.

“ha ha ha, you guys are so adorable together!” your pupils eject obviously forced laughs from behind you. your brows instantly furrow as you shrug their grips from you.

“whatever,” you grumble, exhausted from being around the biggest tool on earth. “i’m leaving,” you announce, tucking your hair behind your ears and sliding your thumbs underneath your backpack straps. “by the way, you guys need to be careful hanging around this guy,” you dip your head in jongseong’s direction, not even bothering to lower your voice or conceal your overbrimming distaste. “your brain is bound to shrink half its size if you keep breathing the same air. god, i already feel my brain cells committing suicide.”

“w-wait, teach, you’re really not coming to the party tonight?” they stutter, fumbling for articulate words. when they pout with rounded eyes, you feel your heart soften, causing you to shift uncomfortably.

“no,” you shake your head, ignoring jongseong as you begin walking closer toward the library’s exit.

“but—”

“do the homework, okay?” you say without turning around. “have your practice essays prepared for sunday’s lessons, and—”

“but teach, you have to! you have to come! we didn’t work this hard to get invited to a senior party just to get uninvited—”

“or what?” you stop in your tracks, throwing your gaze past your shoulder. honestly, this blatant disrespect and insubordination is shocking. whose side are they on? perhaps you were right — jongseong really does ruin everything he breathes on. even your sweet, doe-eyed little students are acting like devil incarnates.

“or… or…” they seem to be searching far and wide for tiny straws they can grasp on. their eyes appear panicked and desperate before you notice they seem to reach a solution. they look at each other for confirmation before facing you with resoluteness. “or… we report you to headmaster lee.”

you instantly bark out a dry laugh.

what the hell are they talking about?

lengthy silence ensues, leaving nothing but your soft laugh hanging in the air.

“wait…” your smile begins to fade, “you guys are kidding, right?”

they stubbornly shake their heads, prompting you to face them completely, gaping with incredulity.

“if you don’t come with us, we’ll leave you with bad reviews!” they cry, suddenly rallying enough confidence to return eye contact — they stare dead straight in your eyes. “you need us to give a good word to the headmaster, don’t you? for your letter of commendation.”

“are you… are you blackmailing me?” you scoff, taking a step toward them. “you better watch what you say to me, kiddies.”

they quickly shuffle back, startled by your murderous gaze.

“well, th-this is a win-win, teach…”

your jaw instantly drops. what the hell? are they seriously going to use this against you? your precious letter of commendation? after all the effort you put into increasing their grades by two whole letters!

you’ve worked so hard for them.

they would be nothing without you.

in fact, before he met you, sunwoo was always spelling doughnuts like dognuts!

“i’ll give you both two seconds to take it back right now.”

“but—”

“i said take it back!”

taken back it was not.

there was no taking back of any sorts.

if anything, there was way more giving than taking.

you hate to admit it, but sunwoo and riki had gotten you good. if there’s anything you care about, it’s the letter of commendation. you’ve been working too long and too hard to relinquish it so comfortably. having such a weakness meant you weren’t left with very many options — though, by the end of it, you had all finally reached an agreement with some negotiation.

they’d write you gleaming reviews about your tutelage, and in return, you agreed to attend the party for at least two hours.

you figured that two hours wouldn’t be that bad, right?

right?

totally.

two hours?

pshhh, child’s play.

“knock on the door.”

“no, you do it.”

“no, you do it.”

“no, you!”

“no, you—”

“oh, god, i’ll do it, just shut up!” you groan loudly, interjecting their bickering. you slam your knuckles onto the frosted glass doors, knocking rather impatiently as you’re already socially fatigued from having to deal with the aftermath of the compromise. riki and sunwoo had both insisted on getting changed out of their uniforms, and hence forced you to drive to their respective houses. and because they were adamant you also had to look as equally socially acceptable, you’d even gone home to get changed.

hence, here you are, in your good pair of jeans and a white top with sleeves that elegantly slip off your shoulders.

truthfully, seeing sunwoo and riki so excited for their first senior party is rather heart-warming, though you realise that this is your first senior party, too.

parties aren’t normally your scene.

libraries, on the other hand, are totally your scene.

late nights creating colour-coded, time-sensitive study schedules in your room are your scene.

reading lengthy dissertations on the determinants of patent innovations as a measure of the innovative efforts of companies are your scene.

at the risk of sounding like a total dweeb, you don’t need alcohol. books are your vodka shots. you don’t snort crack — you snort responsible night-ins and strict 9pm curfews.

being out of your natural habitat is certainly nerve-wracking, and though you attempt to rub off the sweat of your palms onto your jeans, the perspiration just keeps coming. ew, you inwardly cringe, how much does one need to sweat?

feeling your heart thump louder the more time that passes, you squeak in surprise when the door in front of you suddenly swings open.

sunwoo and riki stiffen beside you, while you immediately sneak both hands behind your back.

it’s happening.

the person on the other side is somebody you don’t recognise. interestingly, you feel like you should know him, simply because he appears to carry an aura of unfiltered confidence and self-assurance that only popular people seem to possess.

“hey!” he greets you all with a smile, eyes shifting from sunwoo and riki to you. when his eyes land on you, you notice the edges of his lips curl just a tad higher. “you guys look great.”

“h-hi, heeseung! thanks for inviting us!” sunwoo gushes, flashing a beam of cuteness. riki plasters a grin on his face, too, prompting you to slap a forced smile on your face.

i need to look normal. how do i look normal? what does normal look like? am i smiling too wide? i bet i am. god, i bet i look so creepy he probably wants to burn his whole house down just so i don’t step inside it.

heeseung blinks at the three of you, stepping aside to provide you all space to enter. “of course, guys! and thanks for coming,” he chuckles with soft charisma, quelling your nerves with the soothing baritone of his voice. you bite your bottom lip, waiting for riki and sunwoo to enter first before you trail behind them like you’re their five-hundred year old mother.

“i’ll give you guys a tour, and—”

“hee, hurry up, we’re doing shots!” a familiar voice suddenly sounds, and within just a few seconds, you see somebody else lightly jogging their way toward the front door.

jongseong?

at his entrance, you narrow your eyes at him, honestly a little taken aback by his attire. like heeseung, he’s opted for dark trousers, though in contrast to his friend’s baby blue sweater, jongseong dons a black button-up shirt, with the top few buttons unfastened to showcase a silver necklace.

you’ll never say this out loud for as long as you live, but for once in his life, he doesn’t look like a walking and talking rat. he looks quite decent, you admit, and this weird observation is what makes you instantly look away and pretend to find interest in the artworks hung on the walls.

“hi, piggy! or as they say in your language — oink oink!”

nope, you’re definitely not complimenting him on his outfit, period. in fact, you resist the urge to grab his face and crush it with your knee, and instead stretch a caustic smile onto your lips. “good to see you too, baldie.”

jongseong does a double take. “baldie?” he echoes with an offended scoff.

“yeah, baldie.” a sly smirk slithers to your lips as you seemingly forget the people around you. “if i’m a piggy, then you’re a baldie,” you point at his eyebrow slit, snickering. “besides, sooner or later you’re going to start showing signs of male-pattern baldness, so you should just get used to it.”

“teach!” riki elbows you in the torso, “stop being so mean!”

“it’s okay,” jongseong shakes his head, folding his arms. “you get used to it. at some point, she just sounds like a barking dog.”

“did you just call me a dog?” you gasp incredulously. “yeah, well, you’re a balding rat!”

“ha,” jongseong snorts. “well, rats on average have a greater IQ than dogs, so i guess these analogies are fitting, miss second place.” he smirks triumphantly, spinning around on his heels as he guffaws away. you gasp incredulously, stomping after him while yelling strings of incessant curses.

it’s been an hour since you arrived, which means every minute, you’re counting to sixty.

you want to go home.

it’s not that the party is bad, it’s just that it’s not for you.

your anatomy just isn’t oiled for social events.

in actuality, the party itself is pretty great. it’s amazing, actually – it bustles with energy because heeseung’s been a really great host. he’s constantly playing music the greatest volume his speakers allow, enough that you’re convinced it reverberates through the ground. drinks are being served like waterfalls, though you’ve declined every drink you’ve been offered. there are board games, drinking games, karaoke, and he even has a billiards pool table. his house is situated within seoul’s wealthier, upper-scale residential areas, meaning it boasts of palatial rooms and expansive walls, fitted nicely for the number of attendants.

the number?

big.

in all honesty, you don’t recognise many of the people here. you’re able to recognise a few faces here and there, though you mostly find yourself awkwardly loitering by the foot of the stairs, mostly picking at the skin of your nails and pretending to find interest in the water floating in your red cup.

it’s not that you care, because this was exactly your plan for the night – stay low, stay sober, and stay for exactly two hours and no more.

“want a drink?”

a voice catches you off-guard, but you snap your head upward and realise it belongs to heeseung.

the host. jongseong’s friend. lee heeseung.

you immediately shake your head, noticing the two glass bottles in each of his hands. “o-oh, no, it’s okay,” you sheepishly smile, laughing awkwardly. “but, um… thank you.”

“it’s apple cider,” heeseung frowns, holding out the glass bottle for you. your eyes lock and he tries to smile encouragingly, though you’re pretty adamant on staying sober tonight. “it’s really low on alcohol and practically tastes like apple juice.”

“i think i’d just rather drink apple juice.”

he clicks his tongue. “my house, my rules, and i hereby instate a house-wide ban on regular apple juice.” he shakes his head disapprovingly, eliciting a giggle from you.

“wow,” you remark sarcastically. “what did apple juice ever do to you?” you stifle an amused laugh, lifting your cup to take a sip of water.

“well, it’s stopping me from offering drinks to cute girls, apparently.”

you almost choke on your water at his words, mostly from being caught off-guard. he gapes at you as you cough and splutter, though it’s only a matter of seconds before you recover and you desperately try to conceal any and all shreds of embarrassment.

“to be, um, fair, you weren’t exactly stopped from offering.” you manage to say, trying to brush it off with a laugh. “you still offered; i just said no.”

heeseung’s eyes circle. “wait wait wait, you thought i was talking about you?”

oh.

oh fuck.

did you just wrongly assume he was hitting on you?

your eyes widen with mortification, while your mouth flies open so you can start backtracking. oh god, you’re already ready to bolt your way out of this party and never come back.

however, heeseung suddenly ruptures into laughter, and though it takes a few seconds of stunned silence, you finally realise that he’s pulling your leg.

he’s teasing you.

“i hate you,” you huff in relief, shoulders deflating as you take another sip of water from your cup. heeseung’s laughs slowly fade, and that’s when he finally holds out the same glass bottle of apple cider again.

“ha, you’re too cute.” heeseung snorts. “but in all seriousness, you need to try some. it’s really good.”

you squint at him playfully, pressing your lips into a thin line. “do you swear on your first-born child that it is, in fact, really good?” you grin, though inwardly you wonder why it feels so easy to talk to him like this. though you’re not normally a brick wall to talk to, there’s usually always an inherent awkwardness when talking to strangers — heeseung, however, makes all that awkwardness dissolve.

he makes it feel as though you’ve been friends for a while now; that conversations like these are a subset of a routine.

you don’t feel so on edge when you’re around him.

“yep.” he nods confidently, flashing you a charming grin. “in fact, i even swear on my second-born child. heck, throw my third-born child in there too.”

“something tells me you’re not going to be the best father.” you stifle a laugh when he nods solemnly in agreement.

he sighs. “daddy issues, am i right?”

when alcohol tastes good, you know you’re in trouble.

at least, trouble is exactly where you find yourself, because it’s been hours since you were supposed to leave, though you’ve been stuck to heeseung’s hip all night, and he’s been continuously feeding you delicious apple juice that tastes so much better than regular juice.

so.

much.

better.

fun fact: you apparently love apple ciders now.

you also love soju.

and vodka and coke.

and champagne and orange juice.

actually, you bear a colossal love for all alcoholic drinks that don’t taste alcoholic. the only issue is that they hit you without knowing — unwittingly, you suddenly find yourself way past your tolerance limit; you’re stumbling even while standing still, you’re laughing at everything that moves; and you’re even playing tipsy card games with heeseung while seated at his dining table.

“stop cheating!” you whine, slamming your uno cards onto the table, pouting as you cup your face into your palms.

“man, you are a bad loser,” heeseung snickers, gathering all the cards into a single pile. “but i’m a bad winner, so suck it! ha! now you have to answer — truth or dare?”

“but… but…” you complain, though you soon cover your mouth to conceal yet again another hiccup. heeseung immediately points at you and laughs, while you jut out a lip and pout in misery.

these damn hiccups!

“stop laughing!” you cry. “and fine! um… i choose…” you squint, attempting to conjure a sound thought. truth? dare?

“we don’t have all the time in the world!” heeseung groans. “pick truth!”

and that’s when you flash him a gummy smile. “dare.”

“ha, jokes on you, that was reverse psychology.”

“just shut up and dare me already,” you roll your eyes, taking a sip of another apple cider, honestly unconcerned with whichever choice. truthfully, you’re too wrapped up in the fact that this night is turning out much more fun than you intended. sure, there are still many hours to go, but you’re inwardly ecstatic that your first senior party is this memorable.

heeseung’s nice.

he’s fun, he’s warm, and though you’re poking fun at him most of the time, he makes you feel like you’re welcome here.

heeseung chuckles. “okay, hm…” he seems to survey the area around you both. from where you’re both seated, a view into the kitchen and his living room is granted. now that the party is in full swing, there are people littered everywhere — and if they’re not inside, they’re likely tucked away into the backyard where the barbeque lies.

“hm, i… dare… you… to…” heeseung taps his chin, squinting with thought, before snapping his fingers as he reaches a decision. “dance with a stranger!”

“what?” you shriek, immediately shaking your head. “i can’t do that!”

“why not?” he retorts. “it’s easy! just walk up to them and start twerking! you know what? i can show you. jongseong taught me.”

you burst into laughter at the thought of heeseung shaking his ass. oh god. and you feel yourself uncontrollably laugh at the thought of him getting taught by jongseong. “please, i do not need to be scarred by that sight!”

“you don’t know what you’re missing out,” heeseung jests, “but come on! let’s dance!”

he grabs your wrist and pulls you out from your seat on the dining table. but he’s too quick — your foot gets caught, and you trip over one of the chairs’ legs, causing you to stand quickly, though you stumble straight into heeseung.

ah!

heeseung’s lucky enough to catch you, though you’re startled by the sudden feeling of his arms around you. you’re about to regain control over your balance to remove yourself from the situation, when suddenly, you feel a force yank you backwards.

you yelp in surprise, stumbling backward now, until you feel a soft thud that marks your spine landing into somebody else’s chest.

“watch it,” a low voice hisses, which you instantly recognise.

you freeze.

jongseong.

you practically jump off him, instead springing toward heeseung’s direction. you twirl around and scowl at jongseong, disgusted by the sight of his existence. why does he always manage to show up and ruin the fun?

“oh, hey, jongie!” heeseung beams, seemingly nonchalant to the way you and jongseong are scowling at one another. “what’s up?”

“i need to talk to piggy,” jongseong nudges his head toward you, eyes bouncing between you and heeseung.

“ew," is all you have to say. ew. just ew.

jongseong briefly swings his head to the side, scoffing in annoyance. “look, i don’t want to talk to your piggy ass either! but it’s about riki — his parents want him home, and he’s vomiting. i need his address asap.”

you freeze.

“wait, what?” you gasp, taking a few steps toward jongseong. “oh my god, is he okay?” you ask worriedly.

“he’s fine, just give me his address—”

“i’ll drive,” you nod agreeably. “i can drive him!”

“can you please think with at least two brain cells?” jongseong scoffs, reaching over as he pushes back your forehead with a finger. “you’ve been drinking, you piggy idiot.”

oh.

right.

“did you know that drinking while driving is illegal?” jongseong asks you with condescension, “or shall i say it in your language again? oink oink oink oink oink oink oink—”

“argh, shut up!” you snap, fuming. “fine, but don’t call me an idiot!” you scowl at his action, grumpily rubbing your forehead from his touch. “then i’ll pay for an uber, because you drive like a crazy person.”

“with what money?” he snickers. “did you get a part time job at piggies r us? waitressing at oink oink cafe?”

you fold your arms and outwardly scowl. “you know, you keep recycling the same jokes over and over again. why don’t you get creative for once? and hey, at least i know how to drive. didn’t it take you, like, two tries to get your licence?”

he gasps. “the first time wasn’t my fault! my instructor felt sick for a reason unrelated to my driving!”

“yeah, yeah,” you sneer, dismissing him with a wave. “excuses, excuses.”

“wait, wait!” heeseung interrupts, yelling as he waves his arms around to stop you and jongseong from physically brawling. it’s a good call, because you were just about to grab his shoulders and shove your knee straight into his balls.

“why don’t you just go with him?” heeseung smiles, holding your shoulders as he faces you seriously. “you can give him directions to riki’s house and also make sure he doesn’t crash into a tree.”

“are you asking me to babysit this little freak show?” you frown, inwardly whining when you think of having to deal with jongseong for a whole car ride. god, you think you want to shoot yourself.

“sure, why not?” heeseung chuckles. “i’ll give you some pocket money if you do.”

“wow,” you roll your eyes playfully. “how kind of you.”

“so what do you say, jongie?” heeseung turns toward his friend, and you soon follow his line of sight.

jongseong narrows his eyes at the both of you. the edges of his lips sink while his brows knit together. his eyes land on heeseung’s hands on your shoulder before he scoffs once, turning on his heels while shoving his hands in his pockets.

“why would i care? do whatever you want.”

//

to be continued.

author's note: hi everyone!!! thank u so much for reading chapter two (finally!) ;-; sorry the update took so long asl;kdjf i'll be quicker next time for sure, tho i hope u liked it regardless!!! and YESSSSS heeseung entrance finally 🤪 can u tell im in love with him ;-; also im sorry if this chapter was just absolutely horrible ASDLKFJD ngl i was half dead while writing it so uh i'm not even sure any of this makes sense???? BTW ARE WE STILL TEAM PIGGY/BALDIE OR HAS HEESEUNG CHANGED OUR MINDS????? anyway id really appreciate it if u could support me via liking + reblogging if u enjoyed it !! :> otherwise have an amazing day/night <333 p.s. the taglist is open! if u wanna join, just leave an ask or reply to this post! :>

[readinginthereadyroom]

it’s the office job (lev 4x11) and eliot and hardison are arguing over a sandwich. only it’s not a sandwich.

yeah I’m pretty sure this is sbout their relationship.

because the thing is—hardison and parker might be pretzels (and slowly moving toward something more official), but eliot and hardison are something too. and that something is apparently sandwich.

and hardison stole the sandwich.

but what probably started out as a prank has now escalated. because eliot’s making accusations against hardison (when really it could be anyone on the team), threatening him with moldavian sawhorses (regardless that it’s all bark and no bite). but it still feels disrespectful. nevermind that it’s true.

which is a breach of trust. and eliot’s not okay with that. because it’s not like eliot just forgot he ate the sandwich. he takes the sandwich very seriously. spent a lot of time and effort into crafting the sandwich. he’d remember eating the sandwich. hardison would definitely remember eating the sandwich.

so here they are. arguing on the con. not bickering. not squabbling. they are having a legit, if layered, argument.

and it’s impacting parker.

because we cut straight from the guys talking about their jobs require trust and respect to parker designing her eskimo kisses line of cards. happy this and happy that but no one is actually ever happy. the cards don’t say what they really mean. 

because two dinosaurs falling in love doesn’t make any sense. it should be a dinosaur ripping the head off a lion. but then there’s also inexplicably a bear. shows up out of nowhere and now he’s a part of the scenario, too.��little lion leaving the pack early and little bear cub wants to go out and see the world, huh?

which is just code for dino parker is pissed at lion hardison and she’s worried bear cub eliot will leave if they don’t reconcile. because it’s not two it’s three. and she’s caught in the middle. and neither of them can say what they’re really thinking. that the three of them are more-than-a-team. and she’s terrified that in order to survive the fallout of this argument, she’s going to have to destroy all that she’s built. that she won’t make it on her own again.

and it’s not even all that subtextual. sophie and nate are also having a mirror argument about respect and trust. and it’s a flashing ot3 light that it’s not hardison and parker arguing. but hardison and eliot.

not to mention that the whole con, since it’s being recorded by the documentary crew, is being spoken in code. even nate thinks that sandwich has a double meaning. it’s a fragile embarassment honestly.

eliot says you don’t steal another man’s sandwich. hardison says I want to eat your sandwich. but what does the metaphor actually mean? what is the sandwich that eliot won’t shut up about making and that hardison won’t admit to taking? what code of the west has been broken?

eliot is the sandwich. hardison and parker are pretzels. to extend the metaphor—eliot wants to be a part of the lunch special. has perhaps unintentionally built the perfect sandwich to go with the pretzels. but he’s also really worried that they won’t go together. that it’s off the menu.

hardison, on the other hand, is very on board with adding a sandwich to the pretzels. the boy can cook. he can throw down. hardison’s been trying to steal the sandwich the whole time.

think about it! hardison weaseling his way into hugs. secret handshakes. high fives for morale. because parker’s metaphor is also right—eliot is a wild bear cub. and hardison has been slowly domesticating him. just like he’s been patiently helping parker bring herself back to life. king of the jungle. king of the nerds. age of the geek.

and since I can’t imagine hardison getting impatient with eliot—since he’s never impatient with parker. which means he didn’t overstep any bounds with eliot. more likely eliot finally realized what’s going on. realized that hardison wants his sandwich and that he wants pretzel. and it scares him. eliot is very self-aware but I think the ot3 blindsided him. so he’s all bear again. ready for a fight.

and then there’s parker. making get well soon cards that really mean please make-up. and being harassed by the filmmaker—while hardison and eliot are too busy arguing to notice. not that parker can’t take care of herself. because she most definitely can.

but maybe she doesn’t want to.

that’s why when the filmmaker gets uncomfortably close into her personal space and both eliot and hardison yell HEY! BRING YOUR ASS! giving parker a chance to pick his pocket—and she smiles. eliot and hardison are working together again. for her. more-than-a-team once more.

and then when it really matters. when hardison is in real trouble. eliot’s there. of course he’s there. because he’s all gruff hitter voice, nobody throws hardison off a roof. followed by his softer eliot voice, except maybe me.

the argument’s over. the secret handshake is back. and hardison apologizes by buying dinner, even if he never does admit to eating the sandwich.

cause he’s still trying to steal himself an eliot.