#and later lost a good deal of her heritage language

[punajuova]

Making peace with my mother tongue.

Ever since my early teens I’ve had a... turbulent relationship with Mandarin Chinese, my mother tongue. This was brought on by a combination of factors such as the predominance of English in my daily life, ineffective and unengaging teaching methods in school, and the one-on-one lessons my Chinese teacher mum made me have with her that often culminated in screaming matches and a lot of crying. (I should mention that while bratty 14-year-old me was having none of it, I can now appreciate those lessons for the enormous privilege that they were. Too bad they were wasted on someone like me!)

After getting a terrible grade on my last Chinese final, I washed my hands of the language, ready to finally condemn it to disuse outside of absolute necessity. I moved from Asia to Europe, relished my newfound freedom to choose my target languages, and allowed the distance between my heritage and me to grow. At that time, and for many years after that, it felt glorious to never have to suffer through a compulsory Chinese lesson again.

Now, more than a decade, many identity struggles, and a good amount of therapy later, I feel like I'm finally reaching a point where most of my animosity and resentment towards my mother tongue can be contained and handled in a mature way. Now that I’m finally coming to terms with my inability to choose my origins and (very privileged) upbringing, I’m beginning to see how my rejection of my background and subsequent linguistic inadequacy has been hurting me, both mentally and professionally.

I am sick and tired of the shame and frustration that hits me whenever I attempt to read a Chinese text. I am sick of dreading every potential interaction with a Chinese-speaking person who isn’t family, of either pretending not to know Chinese or apologising for my halting, unsophisticated blabberings. Of feeling like a fraud when listing Chinese under the “language skills” section of my CV. And I am sick of the helplessness and disconnect I feel when I struggle to communicate on a deeper level with my own mother. She deserves better. I deserve better.

More clearly than ever, I can see the two choices that lie before me. I could take the shaky but undeniable foundation I’d so grudgingly built in my childhood and mould it into an asset with the potential for great benefit and enrichment. Or I could continue with my rejection as I have up till now, sticking with the languages I voluntarily chose to learn, whitewashing and dismissing my heritage, content with allowing a part of myself to always remain unresolved. There will be sweat and tears along either path, but the returns, I feel, will be very different. For the sake of my own happiness, I know which path I should take.

I don’t doubt that my relationship with Chinese will always be one of love and hate. But while there once was more hate than love, I hope this time it can be the other way round.

[chbslove]

i am steter trash so i wrote an au where stiles is a spark that lives in the forest because he killed his dad in an accident back when he was a kid and couldn't control his magic and his moms family was just made up of mages and he is the first one to actually be a born spark with loads of power so she raises him and teaches him everything she knows

and in this au sparks are being hunted and put down like animals so claudia builds a house in the forest with stiles where he can live and study magic on the land of their family and after she dies stiles moves there.

(and yes hes a lot older in this because it makes me antsy to write about eighteen year old stiles and adult peter. sorry. I'm a pussy okay.)

and stiles meets his gang! and scott is a dryad, lydia is a mermaid, jackson and danny are mermen (and jackson and danny are together by the way), i planned allison as a regular human that meets scott on a walk in the woods and falls in love with him later in the story because the hale fire storyline is still happening, and kira is an ancient kitsune who also lives in the forest and is good friends with stiles, and erica, boyd, isaac, liam, theo etc are not there yet but thats cause stiles is pretty alone.

he just minds his own business and takes care of the dryads and meets fairies (who live in the forest) and makes a deal with them that they'll stop screwing around with humans and stay in the forest and he'll protect them and take care of them because sparks are powerful and the fairies appreciate that instead of being afraid of him.

and stiles just does his thing for a couple of years until the fairies go a little bit too far and peter hale, who is stupidly a little too far in the forest on his patrol, gets caught in a storm they cause and gets lost in the woods, and he finds stiles' house and stiles takes him in and gives him dry clothes and then guards him back so peter won't get himself fairy'ed

and then a week passes and stiles is kind of anxious peters family will tell him to fuck off the woods (even though it's stiles' heritage to take care of the forest, the hales just live there) and then: the actual plot

a little apple dryad tells him scott found a dying fairy. this fairy apparently told scott in her dying breath something wolfish killed her, and stiles wrongly thinks peter and his family did that, and he goes to find scott to ask him about it, but scott is just gone. stiles can't find him and gets worried and checks his wards, and when he gets to the wards around the hale property, he meets laura. he asks her if she's seen scott, and she saw him going back into the forest, but stiles still can't find him.

laura leaves and stiles finds the ward to their territory broken, and it stinks like druid, so he figures it was this deaton guy because werewolves aren't sneaky like that.

stiles visits lydia (because he still can't find scott and lydia knows how to calm him down) and finds out jackson and danny saw a monster while making out under the surface of their lake and from then stiles knows that the hales have got nothing to do with this because what lydia describes Is Not a werewolf.

so he gets pissy, and then ultimately is enraged when he finds a dead stag this monster killed, and because he's pissy he visits the hales to tell talia he's rightfully going to kill their emissary for being a bitch and breaking his wards and letting some monster walk his territory.

and talia is all "what the fuck how do i not know you." and stiles is all internally "i see my darling peter kept his promises" and then he's internally like "wait fuck i'm not really in love with this guy am i" and then he's like "oh. OH."

and talia convinces him not to kill deaton because shes awesome and stiles grumpily agrees because... not agreeing would be a dick move and it would mean. War. Basically.

so the hales offer their help looking for scott and stiles finds this monster thing on his search and its a wendigo yay, and scott has been following this thing around for days now because he's a dumbass and wanted to help, and they bro out

and the hales and stiles kill this thing, which means magic action. and stiles is awesome. and everyone knows that now.

what follows is just steter get-to-know-eachother and the hale pack are the biggest wingmen (wingpeople) ever and there's fluff and magic and a lot of flowers because stiles is a person that can't for the life of him say the words "i love you" and gets incredibly anxious when people say "i love you" so he mostly displays his feelings for peter in hanakotoba, the traditional japanese flower language that kira taught him, and peter eventually catches onto that and they get together in a load of angst and fluff and they have sex. because of course they have loads of sex. bold of you to think peter can keep his hands off stiles for longer than a day and likewise.

and there is like a load of stiles/hale pack friendship dynamics because i love them all and then suddenly yeehaw. hale fire.

So paige has already happened in this timeline before stiles and peter met, and derek still meets kate and she does her scum thing and uses him. a bunch of hunters show up to the hale house, shoot them with wolfsbane bullets and gather them so they can burn together.

stiles wakes up in a rush because something bad is happening to his wolves but then his eyes fall closed again and he can't get out of bed for a solid time because someone freaking poisoned him and he's fevering and weak and everything is dizzy, but he forces himself up because something. bad. is happening. to his. wolves. he stumbles into his kitchen and almost dies right there and then, because the poison is wolfsbane and he feels like he got tons of it shoved down his throat by the person that poisoned him. his life starts flashing in front of his eyes and he fights back at it and vomits the wolfsbane out, believes it out of his system and when it's gone, he's just left raging.

because i hate kate, stiles loses control when he meets her at the hale house and kills her. he gets the pack and gets them out of the house, breaks the mountain ash circle and they leave. the hales can't go back to their house because the place is swarming with hunters

and peter and stiles figure out it was deaton who told kate everything she needed to know to set this trap and the mountain ash circle also stinks like druid, so deaton gets revealed as being the bad guy all along. stiles figures that he also poisoned him so he wouldnt interrupt, and that deaton wanted thalias alpha spark. the wendigo was a test and deaton put it there on purpose to see how strong stiles was and if he would care about the hales, because deaton knew stiles would feel the hunters killing them and ever since peter and stiles got together the druid knew he would have to murder him too to get the hales dead.

and stiles is just half feral in his wrath and the aftermath of the wolfsbane poisoning, and derek is sobbing and muttering about this being all his fault, and peter has two bullets stuck in his knees and has to be held up by his niece and his brother-in-law, and every one of them is shot and hurt and crying and talia does her best to comfort derek while shaking as well

and stiles just closes his eyes. takes a deep breath. and takes care of his family-in-law, because fuck if he isnt gonna marry peter after this. he takes them in, gives them clean and comfortable clothes, patches them up, lets them shower, yeets his living room so they have space for a big puppy pile, gives them food and water to drink and then draws a ward around his house that is strong enough deaton won't be able to find them unless he sells his soul to the king of hell.

when he's done with that, he locks the hales in and asks kira to take care of them and make sure they're okay while he's gone. she agrees and stiles goes and because he's angry and kind of more dark than i let slip until now so he just. slaughters the hunters that are left. and he enjoys it.

then he shows up to chris argents house, shocks the living hell out of allison because he's still covered in blood and ash, and goes talk to gerard, who is there for alibi purposes. he just flatly tells the truth and asks gerard how many times they've done this now. and the second the old man lets slip the hales weren't the first, stiles goes full Older Derek Hale Mode and slams him against a wall to threaten the living shit out of the man.

by threaten i mean he says that he'll kill him and there's nothing the guy can do about it, cause stiles will find him, no matter how far he runs. yknow bamf dark stiles shit. i am living for writing this scene right now bye

and then he looks at chris and allison. allison looks scared out of her mind and then she asks if thats true. if her family really did something like that. and chris has to look her square in the eye and tell her through gritted teeth that, altough he didnt know about this, yes, they did that to innocent people.

and stiles looks at chris and gives him a nod, because he knows the guy can get this right, he knows allison is strong and fierce and will be fine no matter what. he looks at gerard and sneers at him in disgust. then he leaves like the dramatic bitch he is, but not without ensuring chris will clean this mess up and make an alliance with talia.

he goes back to the house and the only one still awake is peter, and stiles breaks down completely, covered in blood from head to toe and scared out of his mind too. peter holds him, gently leads him into the shower, and helps him get cleaned up, washes his hair, picks out clothes for him, and they go to sleep together.

then, recovery. stiles organizes therapy for derek because lord knows the boy needs it, he nurses the hales healthy, shows them around in the house, they meet his friends, cora and lydia take a particularly special interest in each other, scott is sad because allison broke up with him but stiles visits the argents and talks to her a lot and they become friends too, and he knows scott will get over her eventually, just as she's getting over him.

and stiles shows the hales his life for a while until everyone is recovered, and then they go back to the hale house that he cleaned up already (because, uh, corpses had to be buried, floors had to be cleaned from blood and the smell of magic and mountain ash had to be erased)

and then peter proposes to stiles and they have a beautiful wedding by the lake where cora can talk to lydia, and derek ends up talking to scott quite a lot because scott is nervous and sweet and falls head over heels for the quiet werewolf, and guess who allison ends up with? nobody. because allison is fucking awesome and in the hunter business and she takes it upon her to start cleaning up the community and goes against hunters that are like her aunt just killing innocent people and a relationship with anybody would just be annoying. maybe she realizes she isnt even into relationships, i don't know that yet. aro ally would be interesting, dude.

And then in the end stiles goes to live with the hales and they mend their territory together so he can still visit his friends and he leaves the house to cora who eventually moves there as an adult so she can live with lydia. he and peter move out as well and they go back to town when stiles is ready, because he's lived so freaking long in the fear someone will hunt him down and kill him for his power, and now everything is peaceful. so he puts down his weapons, stops fighting, and lives happily ever after.

and has loads of sex with peter. just because.

[dramioneficrecommendations]

Hiii I accidentally jumped in dramione fandom, and I'm looking for good stuff for this weekend. Could pls tell me your 5 (or more)favorite dramione fics ever? Thanks!

I hope you like it here and stay with us… forever. LOL (Honestly, we have the best fics and authors in the entire HP fandom.)

Here are some of my all-time favourite Dramione fics (you can also check out my fic rec tag):

Revert by SUPRNTRAL LVR: Six months post-war, Malfoy is in serious trouble. He’s on the run from the Ministry, Death Eaters, and a deadly curse which is eating him alive. When he hits rock bottom, a change in fortune lands him in 12 Grimmauld Place under the Ministry’s custody - and forces Hermione to remember the secrets they’ve both kept for years. Dramione, Sick!Draco, flashbacks to Hogwarts, hurt. Rated: M - Chapters: 24 - Words: 260,266

Manacled by SenLinYu: Harry Potter is dead. In the aftermath of the war, in order to strengthen the might of the magical world, Voldemort enacts a repopulation effort. Hermione Granger has an Order secret locked away in her mind. She is sent as an enslaved surrogate to the High Reeve, to be bred and monitored until it can be accessed. COMPLETE. Rated: M - Chapters: 77 - Words: 384,000

Isolation by Bex-chan: He can’t leave the room. Her room. And it’s all the Order’s fault. Confined to a small space with only the Mudblood for company, something’s going to give. Maybe his sanity. Maybe not. “There,” she spat. “Now your Blood’s filthy too!” DM/HG. PostHBP. Now complete with epilogue. Rated: M - Chapters: 49 - Words: 284,050

Five Days by RavieSnake: No one knows that they are missing. No one knows where they are. No one knows that they are trapped. No one knows that they are dying. Dramione. WINNER for Best Drama/Angst and Best Tragedy in the Winter 2017 Dramione Fanfiction Awards! Rated: M - Chapters: 14 - Words: 32,001

Aurelian by BittyBlueEyes: Two years after the war, a young stranger pays a visit to the burrow. His arrival alone is baffling, but the news he brings of an upcoming war turns the world upside down. Hermione’s quiet, post-war life will never be the same. Rated: T - Chapters: 43 - Words: 270,571

The Politician’s Wife by pir8fancier: Hermione hates Draco in the springtime, Hermione hates Draco in the fall, Hermione hates Draco 247. Rated: M - Chapters: 14 - Words: 68,629

The Revenant by atalanta84: Sometimes fate brings us far from home, and sometimes it brings us back again. When a friend’s mysterious death causes Draco Malfoy to return to Britain, he is finally forced to face his past, and the love he left behind. A story about second chances. Rated: M - Chapters: 10 - Words: 67,866

The Fool, the Emperor, and the Hanged Man by ianthewaiting: Ten years after the fall of the Dark Lord, Hermione Granger leads of life of self-imposed obscurity, that is, until the day Headmistress Minerva McGonagall is murdered and a certain ‘hero’ is responsible. DM/HG, written originally in 2007-2008, and finally making its debut here! AU, DH-EWE, non-canon elements, time travel, character death, etc. Rated: M - Chapters: 28 - Words: 229,334

The Dragon’s Bride by Rizzle: 7th year. Draco & Hermione awaken in a Muggle hotel room, naked, hung-over and tattooed. They also happen to be married. Thus begin a desperate search for a solution to their sticky situation. Rated: M - Chapters: 61 - Words: 225,164

The Eagle’s Nest by HeartOfAspen: COMPLETE: Hermione’s eighth year at Hogwarts is already going to be difficult in the aftermath of the war, but it is further thrown into upheaval when Headmistress McGonagall orders a re-sorting of all students to promote inter-house unity. But when the Sorting Hat sends Hermione to Ravenclaw with Draco - and without Harry or Ron, how will she cope? [AU/Dramione] Prevalent alchemy. Rated: M - Chapters: 70 - Words: 306,322

Thirteenth Night by Nelpher: When Hermione is assigned to keep tabs on a memory-charmed Draco, she is faced with a decision that could change her life forever. Rated: M - Words: 77,997 Chapters: 23

Ordinary People by inadaze22: “Let me be clear about something tonight, Granger. You’re the only woman I’ve ever wanted. It’s always been you.” Draco steps in the fireplace, drops the Floo powder, and disappears in a burst of green flames. Rated: M - Chapters: 18 - Words: 133,759

This, Too, Is Sacred by HeartOfAspen: COMPLETE: An ancient power has required generations of purebloods to pledge their lives to the blood pact. Draco has long known he was born to uphold this tradition… but Hermione’s parents have secrets, hidden details about her heritage, and soon it will be her turn to cast in with fate. [Dramione AU] Fantastic cover art by Witches-Britches. Rated: M - Chapters: 23 - Words: 90,994

Gravity by luckei1: It’s about arranging stacks of books, wall colours, and jumping off a cliff. Draco/Hermione Rated: T - Chapters: 10 - Words: 87,155

Dystopia (new version) by Rizzle: Kidnapped and expecting to be abandoned to his fate, Draco Malfoy writes a personal account of recent life, love and loss after the end of the Second Wizarding War. His story encompasses two unforgivable acts, a wedding, a divorce, a kidnapping and maybe, just maybe…a rescue. Rated: M - Chapters: 15 - Words: 19,885 

A Slow Cruel Descent by SenLinYu: The war grinds on and Hermione Granger is captured. Unable to crack her through interrogation without risking her mind, Voldemort conceives a cruel method of breaking her that involves Draco Malfoy. “He stared at her in disgust. She looked— broken. The fire she’d still had when she was dragged in was now extinguished. Her eyes were locked on his face like she were memorizing him.” Rated: M - Chapters: 2 - Words: 8,687 (Sequel: A Fragile Ascent)

Heavy Lies the Crown by luckei1: For seven years, Draco has carried the weight of the world on his shoulders, and just when he thinks he’ll be released, something happens that will make him seek help from the last person he could have imagined. Rated: M - Chapters: 36 - Words: 289,967

To Wear a Dragon’s Skin by creativelymundane: When Bellatrix Lestrange takes control of the wizarding world after the demise of Voldemort, the remnants of the Order keep fighting. Seven years later, Draco brings Hermione a piece of magic that might be the key to finally ending the war. Together they will destroy Bellatrix Lestrange or die trying. Violence, Implicit Rape, Sexual Situations. Rated: M - Chapters: 26 - Words: 137,484

A Pound of Flesh by PennilynNovus: One night at a strip club, Hermione is faced with someone from her past, and an opportunity too good to pass up. What starts as revenge quickly grows into something else, and she may find it to be more than she can handle. Limes, Lemons, M. Rated: NC-17 - Chapters: 33

A Wonderful Caricature of Intimacy by Countess of Abe: Draco loves his son more than anything in the world. So, when his ex-wife plans to take his son away, Draco asks the most unlikely person for help. Hermione must decide whether changing her entire life is worth helping the man she hates unconditionally. Rated: M - Chapters: 25 - Words: 136,998

Apple Pies and Other Amends by ToEatAPeach: “It’s a veritable PTSD tour. With pastries. And hand-skimmed clotted cream. And Hermione has no idea why she’s doing it, but it’s becoming very apparent that she is.” Sometimes you’re sad. Sometimes you need dessert. And sometimes, it’s a little of both. [COMPLETE, DRAMIONE] Rated: M - Chapters: 30 - Words: 80,226

Fairy Stone by Colubrina: Draco is sentenced to one year in Azkaban, release contingent upon someone willing to vouch for his good behavior. Hermione does. “Oh, I want you,” he said. “You, just you, always you. You forever and you for always and you until the bloody sun explodes.” Dramione. COMPLETE. Rated: M - Chapters: 4 - Words: 13,827

The Mountain and The Sea by Alexis.Danaan: Hermione Granger was perfectly happy with her life, her job as a Healer Trainee, her ugly cat and her cute little house in the countryside. And then Draco Malfoy had to go and mess that all up, typical git. Post-Hogwarts, EWE, OOC, creature!fic. 18 Rated: M - Chapters: 12 - Words: 43,464

Celestial Navigation by phlox: Lost, without direction, unable to find your way home? Coming soon, a new Weasleys’ Wizard Wheezes Ekeltronic to guide you on your journey! *Your mileage may vary.*Rated: T - Chapters: 3 - Words: 13,640

Waiting Room by Nelpher: A series of encounters with Draco Malfoy in the waiting room at St. Mungo’s teaches Hermione about love, friendship, and the intersection thereof. Rated: T - English Words: 61,418 Chapters: 14

Voices by Kyonomiko: Hermione has long accepted she might not make it through the war alive, but after years on the battlefield, she never expected to be at the mercy of Draco Malfoy. Not untouched by his own experiences, his manic behavior leaves her living in constant fear of the unknown, suffering both affections and afflictions at his hands. Rated: M - Chapters: 3 - Words: 19,724

Friend Number Three by riptey: COMPLETE - How do you deal with the Pureblood aristocracy, Ministry corruption, Muggle culture invasions, and constant questions about your love life while juggling more than two friends and not being a total jerk? Don’t ask Draco: he doesn’t know. D/Hr Rated: T - Chapters: 26 - Words: 138,388

Seven Days In April by inadaze22: They were still the same people with the same problems on either side of a bathroom door. Rated: T - Chapters: 7 - Words: 40,097 

Everything Changes by inadaze22: “Thank you for cheating on me, Ron. It’s the best thing you could’ve done. Thank you for stopping me from making the worst mistake of my life.” My first Dramione story. Rated M for strong language and sexual content. Rated: M - Chapters: 17 - Words: 76,191 

Out of the Silent Planet by ianthe_waiting: Post-Hogwarts - Hermione Granger fulfills Severus Snape’s final wish, to journey to Japan to ‘retrieve’ something of importance. Set eleven years after HBP. Rated: NC-17 - Chapters: 39 - Words: 229,710

Ardent Bonds by Musyc: Maybe it was wrong to think about this, maybe it was horrible to even consider, but if Draco Malfoy liked to dominate, she couldn’t stop herself from picturing it. Picturing him. Rated: E - Words: 16,741 - Chapters: 1

Seven Times by kerriclifford240879: Seven times can mean a lifetime of change. Rated: M - Chapters: 7 - Words: 16,526

[blackswaneuroparedux]

Anonymous asked: Your blog isn’t what I expected for someone who champions conservative values because it is very rich in celebrating culture and strikes a very humane pose. I learn a great deal from your clever and playful posts. Now and again your feminism reveals itself and so I wonder what kind of feminist are you, if at all? It’s a little confusing for a self professing conservative blog.  

I must thank you for your kind words about my blog and your praise is undeserved but I do appreciate that you enjoy aspects of high culture that you may not have come across.

My conservatism is not political or ideological per se and - I get this a lot - not taken from the rather inflammatory American discourse of left and right that is currently playing itself out in America. For example my distaste for the likes of Trump is well known and I have not been shy in poking fun at him here on my blog. Partly because he’s not a real conservative in my eyes but a .... < insert as many expletives as you want here > ....but mainly he has no character. My point is my conservatism isn’t defined by what goes on across from the pond.

Rather my conservatism is rooted in deeply British intellectual traditions and draw in inspiration from Edmund Burke, Michael Oakeshott, Roger Scruton, and other British thinkers as well as cultural writers like Coleridge, Wordsworth, and Waugh. So it’s a state of mind or a state of being rather than a rigid ideological set of beliefs.

Of course there is a lot of overlap of shared values and perspectives between the conservatism found elsewhere and what it is has historically been in English history. But my conservative beliefs are not tied to a political party for example. I wash my hands of politicians of all stripes if you must know. I won’t get into that right now but I hope to come back and and address it in a later post.

As for my feminism that is indeed an interesting question. It’s a very loaded and combustible word especially in these volatile times where vitriol and victimhood demonisation rather than civility and honest discussion so often flavour our social discourse on present day culture and politics.

I would be fine to describe myself as an old school feminist if I am allowing myself to be labelled that is. And in that case there is no incompatibility between being that sort of small ‘f’ feminist and someone who holds a conservative temperament. They are mutually compatible.

To understand what I mean let me give you a potted history of feminism. It’s very broad brush and I know I am over simplifying the rich history of each wave of feminism so I’m making this caveat here.

Broadly speaking the feminist movement is usually broken up into three “waves.” The first wave in the late 19th and early 20th centuries pushed for political equality. The second wave, in the 1960s and 1970s, pushed for legal and professional equality. And the third wave, in the past couple decades but especially now, has pushed for social equality as well as social and racial justice. It is the first wave and bits of the second wave that I broadly identify my feminism with.

Why is that?

Again broadly speaking, in the first wave and overlapping with the second wave legal and political equality are clearly defined and measurable, but in the third wave (the current wave) social equality and social justice is murky and complicated.

Indeed the current feminist movement - which now also includes race and trans issues in a big way - is not a protest against unjust laws or sexist institutions as much as it is the protest against people’s unconscious beliefs as well as centuries-worth of cultural norms and heritage that have been biased in some ways against women but also crucially have served women reasonably well in unwritten ways.

Of course women still get screwed over in myriad ways. It’s just that whereas before it was an open and accepted part of society, today nearly all - as they see it - is non-obvious and even unconscious. So we have moved from policing legalised equality opporttunities to policing thought.

I understand the resentment - some of it sincere - against the perceived unjustness of women’s lot in life. But this third wave of feminism is fuelled in raw emotion, dollops of self-victimhood, and selfish avoidance of personal responsibility. Indeed it bloats itself by latching onto every social and racial outrage of the moment.

It becomes incredibly difficult to actually define ‘equality’ not in terms of the goals of the first wave of feminists or even the second because we can objectively measure legal, civil and political goals e.g. It’s easy to measure whether boys and girls are receiving the same funding in schools. It’s easy to see whether a man and woman are being paid appropriately for the same work. But how does one measure equality in terms of social justice? If people have a visceral dislike of Ms X over Mr Y is it because she’s a woman or only because she’s a shitty human being in person?

The problem is that feminism is more than a philosophy or a group of beliefs. It is, now, also a political movement, a social identity, as well as a set of institutions. In other words, it’s become tribal identity politics thanks to the abstract ideological currents of cultural Marxism.

Once a philosophy goes tribal, its beliefs no longer exist to serve some moral principle, but rather they exist to serve the promotion of the group - with all their unconscious biases and preferences for people who pass our ‘purity test’ of what true believers should be i.e. like us, built in.

So we end up in this crazy situation where tribal feminism laid out a specific set of paranoid beliefs  - that everywhere you look there is constant oppression from the patriarchy, that masculinity is inherently violent, and that the only differences between men and women are figments of our cultural imagination, not based on biology or science.

Anyone who contradicted or questioned these beliefs soon found themselves kicked out of the tribe. They became one of the oppressors. And the people who pushed these beliefs to their furthest conclusions — that penises were a cultural construction of oppression, that school mascots encourage rape and sexual violence, and that marriage is state sanctioned rape or as is now the current fad that biological sex is not a scientific fact or not recognising preferred pronouns is a form of hate speech etc— were rewarded with greater status within the tribe.

Often those shouting the loudest have been white middle class educated liberals who try to outcompete each other within the tribe with such virtue signalling. Since the expansion of higher education in the 1980s in Britain (and the US too I think), a lot of these misguided young people have been doing useless university degrees - gender studies, performing arts, communication studies, ethnic studies etc - that have no application in the real world of work. I listen to CEOs and other hiring executives and they are shocked at how uneducated graduate students are and how such graduates lack even the basic skills in logic and critical problem solving. And they seem so fragile to criticism.

In a rapidly changing global economy, a society if it wants to progress and prosper is in need of  valuing skills, languages, technical knowledge, and general competence (i.e critical thinking) but all too often what our current society has instead are middle class young men and women with a useless piece of toilet paper that passes for a university degree, a mountain of monetary debt, and no job prospects. No wonder they feel it’s someone else’s fault they can’t get on to that first rung of the ladder of life and decide instead that pulling down statues is more cathartic and vague calls to end ‘institutional systemic racism’. Oh I digress....sorry.

My real issue with the current wave of feminists is that they have an attitude problem.

Previous generations of feminists sacrificed a great deal in getting women the right to vote, to go to university, to have an equal education, for protection from domestic violence, and workplace discrimination, and equal pay, and fair divorce laws. All these are good things and none actually undermine the natural order of things such as marriage or family. It is these women I truly admire and I am inspired by in my own life because of their grit and relentless drive and not curl up into a ball of self pity and victimhood.

More importantly they did so NOT at the expense of men. Indeed they sought not to replace men but to seek parity in legal ways to ensure equality of opportunity (not outcomes). This is often forgotten but is important to stress.

Certainly for the first wave of feminists they did not hate men but rather celebrated them. Pioneers such as Amelia Earhart - to give a personal example close to my heart as a former military aviator myself - admired men a great deal. Othern women like another heroine of mine, Gettrude Bell, the first woman to get a First Class honours History degree at Oxford and renowned archaeologist and Middle East trraveller and power breaker never lost her admiration for her male peers.

I love men too as a general observation. I admire many that I am blessed to know in my life. I admire them not because they are necessarily men but primarily because of their character. It’s their character makes me want to emulate them by making me determined and disciplined to achieve my own life goals through grit and effort.

Character for me is how I judge anyone. It matters not to me your colour, creed or sexual orientation. But what matters is your actions.

I find it surreal that we have gone from a world where Christian driven Martin Luther King envisaged a world where a person would be judged from the content of their character and not the colour of their skin (or gender) to one where it’s been reversed 360 degrees. Now we are expected to judge people by the colour of their skin, their gender and sexual orientation. So what one appears on the outside is more important than what’s on the inside. It’s errant nonsense and a betrayal of the sacrifices of those who fought for equality for all by past generations.

Moreover as a Christian, such notions are unbiblical. The bible doesn’t recognise race - despite what slave owners down the ages have believed - nor gender - despite what the narrow minded men in pulpits have spewed out down the centuries - but it does recognise the fact of original sin in the human condition. We are all fallen, we are all broken, and we are all in need of grace.

Even if one isn’t religious inclined there is something else to consider.

For past generations the stakes were so big. By contrast this present generation’s stakes seem petty and small. Indeed the current generation’s struggle comes down to fighting for safe spaces, trigger warnings and micro aggressions. In other words, it’s just about the protection of feelings. No wonder our generation is seen as the snowflake generation.

A lot of this nonsense can be put down to the intellectually fraudulent teachings of critical theory and post colonial studies in the liberal arts departments on university campuses and how such ideas have and continue to seep into the mainstream conversation with such concepts as ‘white privilege’, ‘white fragility’, ‘whites lives don’t matter’, ‘abolish whiteness’ ‘rape culture’ etc which feels satisfying as intellectual masturbation but has no resonance in the real world where people get on with the daily struggle of making something of their lives.

But yet its critical mass is unsustainable because the ideas inherent within it are intellectually unstable and will eventually implode in on itself - witness the current war between feminists (dismissed uncharitably as terfs) who define women by their biological sex and want to protect their sexual identity from those who for example are championing trans rights as sexuality defined primarily as a social construct. So you have third wave feminists taking completely different stances on the same issues. For instance there’s the sex positive feminists and there’s also anti-porn, sex negative feminists. How can the same thing either be empowering or demeaning? There are so many third wave feminists taking completely different stances on the same exact topics that it’s difficult to even place what they want anymore.The rallying cries of third wave feminism have largely been issues that show only one side of the story and leave out a lot of pertinent details.

But the totality of the damage done to the cultural fabric of society is already there to see. Already now we are in this Orwellian scenario where one has to police feelings so that these feminists don’t feel marginalised or oppressed in some undefinable way. This is what current Western culture has been reduced to. I find it ironic in this current politically charged times, that conservatives have become the defenders of liberalism, or at least the defence of the principle of free speech.

To me the Third Wave feminism battle cry seems to be: Once more but with feelings.

With all due respect, fuck feelings. Grow up.

I always ask the same question to friends who are caught up in this current madness be they BLM activists or third wave feminists (yes, I do have friends in these circles because I don’t define my friends by their beliefs but by their character): compared to what?

We live in a systemic racist society! Compared to what?

We live in a patriarchal society where women are subjugated daily! Compared to what?

We live in an authoritarian state! Compared to what?

We live in a corrupt society of privileged elites! Compared to what?

Third-wave? Not so much. By vast majorities, women today are spurning the label of “feminist” - it’s become an antagonising, miserable, culturally Marxian code word for a far-left movement that seeks to confine women into boxes of ‘wokeness’.

For sure, Western societies and culture have its faults - and we should always be aware of that and make meaningful reforms towards that end. Western societies are not perfect but compared to other societies - China? Russia? Saudi Arabia? - in the world today are we really that bad?

Where is this utopian society that you speak of? Has there ever been one in recorded history? As H.L. Mencken memorably put it, “An idealist is one who, on noticing that a rose smells better than a cabbage, concludes that it makes a better soup.“

I prefer to live in a broken world that is rather than one imagined. When we are rooted in reality and empirical experience can we actually stop wasting time on ‘hurt feelings’ and grievances construed through abstract ideological constructs and get on with making our society better bit by bit so that we can then hand over for our children and grandchildren to inherit a better world, not a perfect one.

Thanks for your question.

[jerzyreign]

Racism is Everyone’s Problem

Since my skin color is going to have everyone rolling their eyes thinking “this white privilege bitch think she knows anything about racism?” I want to start by saying I AM PUERTO RICAN. Now for my own back story so you get to know me better. 

I have seen both sides of the fence. As noted in my opening statement my skin color makes me look like I belong among the privileged. The second they learn of my last name or hear me speak my native language however, they quickly revoke all privilege and reign down on me with their hate. To the Caucasians out there who do not believe White Privilege is real: You’re wrong! If you were a minority who just happened to look white, like myself, you would be in a position to know this. 

Let me show you.

Age 15: Walking off high school grounds on lunch break to get food from the deli 3 blocks over. Common thing many of us did as it was permitted to leave school grounds for lunch. Myself, a white friend we’ll call Ashley, and a Hispanic friend we’ll call Jose. Police officer drives by and sees us walking during school hours and pulls over. He asks us our names. Ashley goes first and he tells her to stand to the side, I go and he looks at me with a moment of surprise and tells me to get my ID out. Jose goes last and he ask him if he’s ever been in trouble with the law. (Jose is very tan in complexion naturally and looks every bit of his South American heritage.) He makes Jose put his hands on the trunk of the car while he pats him down, gets his ID out for him, runs his information to confirm he’s never been in trouble, and dumps his entire bookbag out onto the ground to inspect its contents. He checks my ID, asks me where I’m from with a last name like __, and proceeds to do the same thing to me. Mind you it’s illegal for a male cop to pat down a female in my state, but he didn’t want anyone privy to his racial profiling so he didn’t call a female to the scene. He asks Ashley why she’s walking with us, if we were coercing her into any bad activities and sends her back to school walking. While we get escorted back in his car and handed off to the principal after confirming students had consent to leave the property for lunch and it was indeed our scheduled lunch break. 

Age 17: Working at Pizza Hut restaurant as a waitress. About 3 months in a friend stopped by to order take out and saw me working. Greeted me in Spanish and after he left I was confronted by the shift supervisor. When asked how I spoke Spanish so well since they literally failed it in school, and if there was a trick to it; I responded by informing him I was Spanish. Soon he and the rest of the crew were murmuring in the back kitchen, getting quiet when I came near, looking at me sideways and trying to avoid brushing against me at the soda machine like I had the plague or something. Next day I came in, looked at the clipboard to see what section I was working and saw my name crossed out. I asked him why ‘Karen’ was working the entire dining room alone and was told “Because you belong cleaning the bathrooms. Go find the cleaning closet and get scrubbing” I reported him to the Manager when she was on duty the next day and she said she’d talk to him, but any shift she was not in the building I was taunted by the staff and forced to work my shift scrubbing toilets. So I quit. 

Age 19: Working at a Giant’s supermarket as cashier. I worked my way up to Customer Service Supervisor and then the front end Assistant Manager is like 8 months. My third day as Asst Manager I walked out through the store to shop after my shift. In line at the register the person in front of me was Spanish and having trouble understanding what the cashier was telling her about a coupon she was trying to use. I step in and explain it to the customer in Spanish because it was getting late and I wanted to go the fuck home. The cashier gave me a shell shocked look and asked how I knew Spanish. I told her I was Spanish and got this ‘ew’ look that ended our conversation. My check out was awkwardly quiet for a person that had been friendly with me since my first day on the job. Next day I was demoted without explanation to cashier. My password for the cash room was deactivated and when I found someone to let me into the office so I could start work I was told “You don’t work in this dept anymore. You’re a cashier now. Go see _ and find out what register you’ll be at today”. When I asked why I was simply told “You should know. It only just happened yesterday” None of management was kind to me again, most supervisors looked at me with disdain as I passed, and finally after a week the produce manager told me it was because I was Spanish and they didnt realize that when they promoted me. He apologized for the fact he had to ignore me in the store but that anyone caught being nice to me would face consequences. Apparently they wanted me to quit. So I did. 

Age 26: I got a job at Kmart as a cashier. Worked my way up to Soft-line dept Shift Supervisor in 6 months. About 3 weeks later I started dating the Loss Prevention Manager from another store. He is an African American, Italian, German mix race man who solely looks African American. It took about 2 months for the relationship to get out around the job. It took my boss all of 5 seconds after confronting me for confirmation about the relationship to start treating me like shit. After a week I tried to go to HR and was informed that she is the daughter of a very high up corporate executive and by proxy untouchable. She made more than the store manager and basically ran the show there. After another few days I called her out in the front of the store one night at closing time asking what the stick up her ass with me was and she point blank said “I thought you were a good person. You work hard and you’re a natural leader to the girls here but you screwed up sleeping with a black man. Then I find out you’re a spic so it makes sense for you like blacks. I’m just disgusted with myself for being fooled by you” That was the end of that job. 

See white folks? Not once but FOUR times in my life things were good for me while people thought I was white, but quickly soured once the truth came to light. Four times I was excelling in my place of employment thanks to the privilege my skin color bestowed upon me but lost it once it was discovered I was just a really pale brown person. White privilege is real. 

I won’t bore you all with the blatant racism I’ve dealt with in my life. If you’re not Caucasian you already know the shit people spew out their hateful mouths, and what it’s like to deal with people throwing shit at you. 

I want to discuss the fact that racism is everyone’s problem. Those of us being subjected to it must stand up for ourselves against racist people because we’re human too dammit. We deserve to be treated with the same dignity, respect, and considerations that our oppressors grant each other. More importantly is the fact that those of us who are not subjected to it because they have the privilege of being born white should also stand up against racist people. Use the privilege you try so hard to deny for the greater good! BE THE CHANGE that fixes our society. Don’t just turn the other cheek figuring “I’m not the target so it’s not my problem”. Step up, speak up, and help your fellow man. We have to stand together or continue to fall divided. Just because you are not the one who thinks that way or acts that way does not make you part of the solution. Your silence and complacency in allowing racism to continue to thrive and exist is just as damaging as choosing to participate in it. Get outraged that your neighbor, friend, coworker, or just plain old fellow man is being mistreated and murdered for no reason other than their skin color is different. Teach your children to stand up and speak up against racism when they witness it. Teach them how to identify racism, racial profiling, and racial disparity. We have to fix this. Together. 

We are one species, one country, and one society. So lets stand as one. United in our right to life. 

March your ass down to your capital buildings alongside us and tell our leaders ENOUGH WITH RACISM. Hold police accountable! No more death! 

[jedimaesteryoda]

Rise of Skywalker Review

WARNING MASSIVE SPOILERS

Rise of Skywalker is by far one of the worst Star Wars films ever made, and easily the worst of the sequel trilogy. The entire plot was a mess, it was unfocused, rushed, uneven and had too much plot convenience in the way of things like a dagger that manages to have a replica of the remains of the second Death Star for some reason. It also seemed more devoted to fan service than telling a good, coherent story. 

To be fair, Johnson was given charge of the middle film of the trilogy which clashed with Abrams’s vision. He also had killed off Snoke, so he couldn’t serve as the main villain in the next film,and dealt with Rey’s parentage so Abrams wasn’t left with a lot. Of course, Johnson largely didn’t retcon anything from the previous film, while Abrams did with ROS, which was a mistake. It felt like he was trying to undo Johnson’s changes in this film. 

The way Rey’s identity is revealed is poorly handled. Kylo tells her in the middle of the film that she is Palpatine’s granddaughter. Imagine if in Empire Strikes Back, instead of Vader telling Luke that he was his father at the end, it was Yoda who told him that in the second act. It would have had nowhere near as big an impact. It shouldn’t have been Kylo, but Palpatine himself who told her about her heritage. Also, Rey turning out to be a nobody with no magic bloodline as Rian Johnson intended, which is one of his few ideas I agreed with, actually would have been a better story and character choice. It at least promotes the idea that anyone can be a Jedi, that the Force chooses who is worthy without any attention to bloodlines. Also, how did Palpatine not keep track of his own family? This is the most powerful man in the galaxy we’re talking about. 

The main villain of the Rise of Skywalker turns out to be the main villain of the previous two trilogies: Palpatine. Admittedly, Palpatine is one of my top two favorite characters in Star Wars, and it was always great to see Ian McDiarmid play him on-screen. He was the main highlight in the prequels; I could look at each scene he’s in, and write an essay or at least a few paragraphs about just that one scene. However, his character seemed out of place in this one.

For starters, there was the way Abrams handled him in this film. Instead of not mentioning him, and just saving his reveal for the third act after some building up, and maximizing surprise and shock for the audience, Abrams just reintroduces him in the opening. It doesn’t have the same effect. They just shoehorned him into this film without him even being mentioned in the first two. At least in the original trilogy, by the time we see him in person in Return of the Jedi, Palpatine had previously been mentioned in the first film, A New Hope, and later introduced via Holonet in Empire Strikes Back, which provided plenty of build up towards his appearance in the third film. He played a key role in the story as he was the dark side counterpart to Yoda, founder of the tyrannical Empire, the one who turned Anakin Skywalker into Darth Vader, and was seeking to do the same to Luke. He was the personification of temptation towards the dark side and the Empire, the devil himself, who along with Vader was the trial Luke needed to face in his final step towards becoming a Jedi. In the prequel trilogy, Palpatine was the main villain in plain sight all along who was masquerading as the friendly Supreme Chancellor while he was Darth Sidious in the background pulling strings, and slowly turning the Old Republic into the Empire. In the sequel trilogy, he is introduced at the eleventh hour just to give Kylo and Rey something to unite against. 

In my opinion, he should have stayed dead. It seemed more fitting in that despite being the most successful Sith lord in history, having gone where no Sith has gone before by conquering the Galactic Republic and wiping out the Jedi Order, Palpatine still succumbed to the tradition of the Rule of Two, and like his predecessors was killed by his apprentice. The man who destroyed countless lives and betrayed so many people in his rise to power as well as after from the Separatists and senators to his apprentices, himself met his end by betrayal. By making him alive, Abrams also made Vader’s sacrifice in Return of the Jedi less meaningful. Vader originally found himself in choosing between the light (Windu) and the dark (Palpatine), chose the latter largely to save someone he cared about, his wife, and nearly wiped out the Jedi Order. He found himself in the same situation again, choosing between the light represented by Luke and the dark, again represented by Palpatine, and he chooses the former this time for the same reason: to save someone he cared about, his son. In the end, he turns again and in his last act destroys the Sith line, killing the last of the Sith lords, and ending Palpatine’s reign of terror for good and all. He thus fulfills his role as the Chosen One … only, whoops, turns out Palpatine survived, and the Chosen One didn’t actually do shit. I know Legends brought him back too in Dark Empire, but even that decision was met with some controversy within the community. It made little narrative sense to bring him back, and it was years before the prequels with Lucas doing the Chosen One angle for Anakin. I know some argue that Anakin brought balance to the Force briefly by killing Palpatine, but if Palpatine was the reason for the imbalance, then Rise of Skywalker means he was never truly dead, and that Vader didn’t truly correct the imbalance. 

Palpatine also was most effective by being subtle and nuanced with an undercurrent of menace, which clearly wasn’t present in this film. He didn’t feel as threatening as he did in Episodes VI and III. Even Sir Ian’s performance seemed largely more subdued in contrast to the confident, megalomaniacal character we all knew and loved. He wasn’t even fun in this one.

He also managed to disable an entire fleet just using Force lightning? I’m sorry, but that really pushes it as I know Palpatine is powerful, but even he never struck me as that powerful nor should he be. As George R.R. Martin said “I think if you put too much magic in your fantasy it overwhelms the plot, and it starts to make the plot nonsensical. If you do have a sorceress or a wizard who can speak a word and wipe out an army, why would you even assemble an army?” The use of the Force is supposed to be used in small, limited ways in battles a la Luke using the Force to accurately fire proton torpedoes into the exhaust port of the Death Star. Otherwise, if a Force user can take out an entire army or in this case, fleet, in a single blast, why didn’t any Jedi do that during the Clone Wars?

I wouldn’t have opposed seeing Palpatine in Rise of Skywalker, but as a Force vision akin to Luke’s experience in the cave in Dagobah. I felt that while the prequel trilogy was about Anakin and Palpatine’s backstories with the former’s journey to the dark side and the latter’s rise to power, the sequel trilogy should have been about their posthumous legacies through the Skywalker family and Empire/First Order respectively. Lucas didn’t envision bringing Palpatine back simply because he knew when a character had effectively fulfilled their role in a story. 

There are plenty of plot points or scenes that also don’t go anywhere or make sense. 

The Sith-class Star Destroyers being all armed with planet-destroying superlasers also made no sense. Watch Rogue One, and you see how the Death Star’s superlaser focus lens dwarfed all the Imperial Star Destroyers and Rebel capital ships, and yet they somehow managed to shrink it down to 1/1000th of its original size and still be as effective? In the original trilogy, the logic behind the superlaser being found only on a Death Star was simply because a laser powerful enough to destroy an entire planet had such huge power requirements and required so large a configuration that only a space station the size of a small moon could accommodate it. Palpatine also commissioned the building of at most, two, since one was threatening enough to send a message to the galaxy, and having an entire fleet of them also had more risks, ie the the risk of one being used against him. All it’d take is one to be hijacked, and be used to blow up the planet Palpatine is on. Then there is the context of the superlaser being used. Alderaan being blown up was treated as a big deal simply because it was. It was this universe’s equivalent of the first atom bomb being dropped on Hiroshima. It was something so terrible and devastating, that it was originally thought to be unfathomable. Leia also was helpless as she witnessed her home planet being obliterated in an instant, which made it that much more devastating. In this film, Kijimi is just blown up without any emotion or impact at all.

Also, there is the side trip of having to get C-3PO translate Sith language. Why have C-3PO be able to translate a language if he is forbidden from translating it? Wouldn’t it be simpler to just not have that language in his programming at all? What legitimate reason is there for Sith even being a forbidden language? It’s not like black speech from LOTR, which was discouraged simply because it drew the Eye of Sauron.

C-3PO also made the conscious decision to have his memory wiped away, stating if he didn’t then everything they fought for would be lost. He made this personal sacrifice to save the Resistance and the galaxy just to have R2-D2 later restore his memory in another scene. That just takes away the impact of his decision, as throughout the journey sacrifices are made along the way, and a sacrifice needs to be permanent in order for it to be meaningful. Imagine if after Obi-wan was killed in A New Hope, he resurrected in the original trilogy. 

General Hux is also revealed to be the First Order spy, and allows the group to escape, only to be found out right after and immediately killed. It doesn’t go into more detail regarding his defection, and he is killed off just like that as if he were a random side character rather than a major supporting character for two films. 

In another scene, Rey destroys a transport that supposedly carried Chewie by accidentally hitting it with Force lightning. Rey, of course, takes it very hard, believing she accidentally killed Chewie, only for it to be revealed shortly, that Chewie is alive as he had been on another transport that we never saw. What was the point of all that? Rey didn’t learn any lessons, and it didn’t contribute at all to the plot. The whole thing felt completely unnecessary. 

We also never got to hear what Finn wanted to tell Rey, or Poe wanted to tell Finn.

As far as lightsaber dueling goes, there were two lightsaber duels in the middle, and there was no point to them as opposed to Ben buying Luke time in A New Hope, Anakin sealing his fate as Palpatine apprentice in the beginning of Revenge of the Sith or a final duel at the end between light and dark like in all the other films.

However, there were a few moments I liked. I liked Kylo’s scene with his father Han. I like how it was left ambiguous as Han clearly couldn’t be a Force ghost given he wasn’t Force-sensitive, and we don’t know if it was all in Kylo’s head. Rey giving Kylo a lightsaber in the final fight to help, and maybe, Kylo sacrificing himself to heal Rey. 

It was good to see Lando, although we barely got to see him. He managed to get all the fleet together by convincing them to fight in the end, so he does play a role, but I think the Resistance should have more help due to Luke’s sacrifice in the previous film. Luke appeared, because he knew the galaxy needed Luke Skywalker, and the kids talking about him facing Kylo showed how he was inspiring the galaxy to resist the First Order. That proved to be another thing Abrams retconned. 

Finally, there is Rey choosing the surname of “Skywalker,” honoring the people she wanted to be and mentored her. Was it necessary? I mean Luke didn’t exactly decide to use the surname “Kenobi” in Return of the Jedi, although to be fair, his father did save his life in the end. Rey deciding to use her surname “Palpatine” would be her owning her identity, and showing that while she acknowledges her dark lineage, like Luke did with his, she doesn’t let her predecessor’s legacy define her. 

Long story short, Abrams and Disney really bungled the handling of the franchise. Each film felt like it’s own thing being separate from the other two rather than being part of an overarching vision. There was more focus on fan service than storytelling, and ROS didn’t leave me feeling satisfied. 

Also, Korriban will always be the Sith homeworld. 

[mossander]

MK Headcanons Part 3

Like I said, Outworld is a real doozy. There are almost too many characters. I'm gonna update more as the creative juices start to flow again. I take requests and asks if there's a character you guys want. I'm down for it anytime.

Royal Palace

- Kitana is obsessed with her Edenian identity. She has a team of agents whose main purpose is to collect Edenian artifacts and keep tabs on Edenian individuals in Outworld. She has a collection of writings on Edenian culture and history she authored herself. She's working on piecing together what she can find on the lost Edenian language. She involves herself heavily in the upper echelons of Outworld and has to learn proper etiquette, how to perform the arts, social statuses and titles, etc. It's exhausting work but the parties can be fun. Since its Outworld something always goes to shit like a Tartakan eating someone instead of the hor duoerves but solving those are a fun challenge in itself. Secretly enjoys the simple and cheery things like gushing about Liu Kang, picking flowers, wearing silk pajamas.

- If Kitana is Princess of Outworld, Jade is Princess of the People. Though she will continue to remember her Edenian heritage, she doesn't give a rat's ass about preserving it. She loves hanging out with the general populace, shopping in markets, playing with children, and helping old ladies carry things. She frequently meets with the palace staff on a casual basis, which is how she got close to Kotal. In the early days of their relationship, they rode horseback across the plains and made contact with isolated and displaced tribes from Shao Kahn's conquests. Nowadays with Kotal being Khan and/or injured, she doesn't go as far out and spends time in the palace gossiping and doing girly stuff with Kitana.

- Shao Khan uses his throne room to host all kinds of entertainment, musicians, dancers, jesters, magicians, and the like. If they sucked, they had their heads chopped off. If they were okay, they got the pleasure of not dying. If they were good, they got to try their chances again later. Hardly makes for a joyful environment but the talent is always motivated. Also likes hosting big feasts that involve fighting, killing and orgies in the mix. Kitana has to deal with the aftermath of these to her complete dismay and disgust. At night, he enjoys the company of his concubines of which he has hundreds of. He chooses a few of them per night, sometimes as many as he can fit in his room if he wants a long night.

- Kotal Khan, as the head figure of the Osh Tek clan, prefers to be in the Osh Tek capital. There, he spends the days sunbathing for hours, eating and drinking hot chocolate, and watching the traditional team sport, which is essentially soccer but the players also have cricket bats and can beat each other to death. At night, he officiates the holy sacrifices, who are brought to a pillar to have their hearts and spines torn out live. The hearts are added to the nightly BBQ and the spines are added to the soup. Kotal loves to cook and personally has a hand in all the main dishes. He can also bake chocolate desserts like nobody's business. Jade doesn't have the stomach for meat but can handle a spiked hot coco or chocolate bread.

The Outcasts

- Present Erron Black isn't as wild and fast-moving as his younger self. Outworld is freaking huge and he lives forever, so he can be laid back. His free time is in between jobs or on route to jobs, so he never has to worry about making time. While he still takes things on day by day, he's in no rush to get things done even when Kotal wants them done in haste. Loves riding horseback through vast empty plains and camping out alone. He's learning how to navigate the Outworld stars, constellations and planets. He finds the Outworld sky more beautiful than the ones back home; it's much more vast and mysterious, and completely void of airplanes and satellites. He’d love to hear stories about them. When he stops into town, he grabs a room and heads for the nearest bar. He does the usual stuff: drinks, playing cards, charming women, getting into fist fights. A guilty pleasure of his is getting his fortune read by psychics. While hardly superstitious, he tends to believe the word of psychics are worth the coin he pays. It all stems from one psychic's fortune years ago that told him he'd find the love of his life that very night. Later in his room, he found someone left him his favorite brand of whiskey from 19th century Earthrealm. Was a believer ever since.

- Skarlet is always looking for the next exotic drink. She’s tired and bored of eating commoners just for sustenance and health and wants to be thrilled again. She travels long distances to find rare breeds of animals and isolated races in Outworld to hunt and devour, hoping to find her next favorite flavor. She loves to seduce her targets, male or female no matter, and pretends to be their partner. She'll pamper them, massage them, feed them luxurious meals and drinks knowing it'll affect the taste of their blood. She’s also fond of torturing enemies in various ways to find the right combination of adrenaline, endorphins and other bodily chemicals to spike the blood. Her current flavors of the month are pissed off drunk monk and red wine, mixed with Tarkatan lady.

The Wilds

- D'vorah being the den mother of the hive means she's responsible for the health and strength of her babies. She makes sure the swarms go where they're suppose to go, the workers get the resources they need, the larva get all their food in excess and that they grow up into proper insectazoid horrors. When she's not being a proud mama, she likes playing pranks on unsuspecting Outworlders. Things like, sneaking up on the gravely ill and scaring them to death, wrapping up people in a web in their sleep, slipping insects into their food and such. While she will never express it to anyone, she really wants people to prank her back. The closest thing resembling a prank was when Erron set up a massive glue trap and got her stuck in it. That was sorta fun.

[friendshipcampaign]

Session Recap 7/6/19: Lost in Translation

As the party left Winstanus’ home, some of his many swords waved goodbye alongside him. They next headed to the address they’d been given for Renya Fountenay, the potentially dissatisfied customer that Squall had mentioned. When they arrived they noticed that the garden around her home, which had likely once been very nice, seemed to be ailing, with some of the leaves looking strangely grey and heavy.

Renya answered the door and revealed herself to be a human woman with curly brown hair in a diaphanous faux-Elvish dress. She was somewhat confrontational at first when Amaranth explained they were investigating Quest’s disappearance, but was much more receptive to Voski introducing herself as someone looking into Renya’s dissatisfaction with her purchase.

The group were all told to take their shoes off before coming inside, which prompted Kriv, who didn’t wear any, to stay outdoors. The inside of Renya’s home was full of assorted crystals and mystical objects, as well as a great deal of knock-off elvish decor, complete with signs with trite aphorisms in Elvish written on them hung up on the walls. She also kept throwing strange glances at Erwyn, who it seemed didn’t quite fit her own picture of what elves were supposed to be like.

Renya bemoaned to the group how hard it was to be balanced and center her energies in Veritas right now with so much negativity going around. She grabbed a teapot and pulled out a basket of the tinctures the party was now familiar with, dumping a number of them in at once.

“I won’t touch the water around here,” she lamented, on the recent state of affairs in the city. “Not even on my plants!”

She then went to retrieve the sword she’d bought from Quest. It turned out to be a curved shortsword with iridescent Elvish writing all over the blade that spelled out a poem (though not a very good one). As soon as she brought it out, the group could all feel its presence -- as if someone who didn’t care for anyone present was watching. She explained that she had purchased the sword hoping to forge a bond with it and learn its ancient name and secrets, but had made no progress.

Erwyn asked her if she knew anything about the history of the blade and Renya said it had a wonderful story attached. She mentioned that Quest had told her much of it wasn’t true, but dismissed her as a skeptic, saying she’d known better as soon as she saw it. She told the group a story about the sword being forged long ago in an elven kingdom, for a prince who then gave up his title for the love of a mortal woman, losing the blade in the process.

“Oh, I’ve read that one. It’s pretty steamy,” Amaranth said.

“You know we don’t really do monarchies, right?” Erwyn asked. “Is that just lost in translation? Just, like, governmentally.”

Renya shot him a look. “Well, it was very long ago,” she said, somewhat tersely.

Voski gestured to the sword and asked if she could get a feel for it. She cast Comprehend Languages on herself and, after Renya passed it over, mentally asked the sword if it could hear her.

“Yeah,” came a weary voice inside her head. “Get a load of this.”

She asked the blade if there was a shred of accuracy to the story. It reported that Renya had certainly tried to magically bond with it by singing, in really bad Elvish, but there was nothing to the story she’d told, however deeply she believed it. Voski asked the sword what its game was. The sword explained it had once belonged to a bard who was elven enough to fool a certain number of people with the tale, and it would twinkle magically as part of the whole performance to help draw in a crowd. But then “some bad stuff” had happened and bard and blade were separated, which now left it in its current position.

“I want to go out and have adventures. Please break me out,” it said. “I’m so tired.”

Voski lowered the sword.

“Well, it’s certainly magical,” she said aloud. When she added that Renya probably just had to try harder to reach it, the sword kept mentally whining at her.

Renya said that when she’d complained about the purchase, Quest dismissed her, saying her condition report on the blade had been accurate it wasn’t her fault Renya didn’t get what she wanted. The Guild of Merchants hadn’t supported Renya either, making her despair at the lack of “accountability” to be found. Voski suggested trying to find someone else who could verify the blade’s authenticity, such as the original smith.

“The elven smith…” Renya said, suddenly getting dreamy. “Do you think I could find him?”

“Again,” Erwyn interjected. “Smithing, not so much our thing. Just not really.”

“You don’t know what you’re talking about,” she snapped -- to the elf.

Voski, still toying with the sword, went on to say that while there might be some authenticity to the story, she had a sense that this might not have been the elven prince’s blade, but rather one of a retainer, or even--though she “hated to say it”-- a troubadour. Renya went colder after that and asked if they had any more questions. Ditto cheerfully suggested that she’d also had trouble focusing when she first moved to the city and Renya might want to try humming to help with focusing on her “rituals.”

Ditto asked Renya if she was watering her plants at all, since they didn’t look so good, and Renya explained she had been using the tinctures on them to try to counteract the fiendish influences in the city.

As they prepared to leave, Voski asked Renya what she’d paid for the sword. Renya replied that, even though Quest hadn’t believed in the story about its provenance, it was still a talking blade and had cost her 2000 gold.

“Well, that’s a shame,” Voski said. She placed the blade down on the table and promised Renya that if she persevered, they would bring something out in each other. 

The group then reunited with Kriv out in the garden. He had been investigating the plants some while he waited. Erwyn joined him and took one of the leaves with him to try to learn something from later, noting that it seemed almost more like a thin piece of stone than plant matter as he snapped it off. He asked Voski again about her alchemist friend, wondering if they might be able to analyze the tincture he’d purchased from Eckjeth as well as the new sample from Renya’s garden. She said they might be able to visit the shop alongside their investigations that day.

Ditto than checked in with Tiktik as the group moved towards the Guildhouse, asking how things were going. They replied that they were at a print shop -- noting it was similar to one where Ditto used to work -- and had stuck around as there had been more of the spider constructs visiting and they were waiting to see how many stopped by. 

It started pouring rain before the group got to the Guildhouse. Once inside, they made a beeline for the office of the Lamplighter’s Guild to see if they could find out when the candle guard who’d last seen Quest was scheduled to work next. Kriv casually used a Divine Sense to see if anything suspicious was going on, but didn’t get any pings aside from the usual one from Melima hovering near Erwyn. Approaching the golden dragonborn at the desk, Ditto asked if she could see a schedule for when the different lamplighters were on duty to guard the candle. The dragonborn, defensive, said they wouldn’t share that information with just anyone. Amaranth, however, was able to spot something that looked like a schedule atop some ledgers on one of the desks behind them.

Amaranth pulled Voski aside and asked if she could distract the clerk enough for her to get a look at the schedule. Voski took Amaranth’s hand briefly for a moment, then turned and apologized aloud to the dragonborn behind the desk, explaining that her associates were simply distraught over a missing friend and looking for answers. The dragonborn softened a little, appearing to sympathize. Voski started wringing her Cloak of Billowing out from the rain and asked if there was something with a warming effect she could use to dry off. The guild officer stood up and lead her to a large, particularly elaborate lantern, which she admired as they continued to chat.

Amaranth took the chance to sneak a little closer to the desk and noted that Deveron Wick was scheduled to be on shift the next evening. She made her way back to the counter, where she leaned casually and shared the information with Ditto and Erwyn. Kriv, on the other hand, also took the chance to join Voski by the lamp, as he was feeling a little chilly from the rain given his draconic heritage.

As they left the Guildhouse, Voski checked her disguise makeup in the reflective surface of one of the lanterns. Despite the rain, it was holding up well. Ditto asked Voski a little about her alchemist friend but, Voski was cagey with answers, only saying it had been a few years since she’d last seen them. The group then started to head towards Mage Row, where their shop would be found if they were indeed still in the city.

On the way, as they passed through Blood Row again, the party noted that the rain that was falling on the other side of the exclusion zone was different from in the rest of the city -- strange, dark, and almost oily in nature. They also passed by the shop of the blacksmith Winstanus had mentioned to them, Filigree Black. However, while the clanging of a smith at work could be heard within, at the door they were greeted by a gaunt human woman in a severe-looking black dress who introduced herself as Ephemera Black. Only she and her two sisters, Frippery and Miscellania, were inside, the latter working at the forge. When the party asked about Filigree, the women sadly explained that he was their father, but he had been dragged away by a demon two weeks ago. Apparently the creature had actually gotten into the shop and grabbed him at the forge, without the girls even hearing it. Miscellania warned the party to be careful in Veritas, saying if they made enough to afford it, she wanted to move her and her sisters out of the city. Kriv thanked them and bought a little tourist-y elephant decoration from them, as did Ditto.

The party left and headed towards Mage Row, to talk to the alchemist Voski knew in town. She lead them between rows of shops with various magically illuminated signs to a simpler, more refined-looking one called Inner Truths. Before they went in, she said she should preface things by saying that it had been several years since she’d been there, and warned the party members not to touch anything, as they couldn’t afford to break it. Ditto, notably, sunk a little inside Voski’s bag.

The interior of Inner Truths was very open, with tasteful glass jars with assorted pigments in them and no discernible labels arranged on shelves against the walls. One wall contained a silver gilt branch, and another a fountain that played a soothing melody. A chubby half-elven woman in a long flowing dress turned to look at the group as they entered. She blinked, then composed herself and greeted Voski warmly, by the name Kasia, before giving her a pair of air-kisses on either side of her head. The dragonborn replied in kind with a behind-the-teeth tongue click in greeting.

“Tress,” she said. “Hi.”

After brief pleasantries, Voski explained she was in town to help find a friend of a friend, but that she had a potentially hazardous substance they were interested in seeing if they could get an analysis of.

“There’s this fun new business venture I’ve been hearing about,” she said.

“Oh it’s those blasted tinctures, isn’t it?” Tress replied. 

As they spoke about the tinctures, Ditto hid herself more in Voski’s bag and cast Detect Thoughts on herself, hoping to see the surface thoughts of the alchemist. Tress seemed impressed that Voski’s makeup had held up so well in the weather, but perhaps a little disappointed that she’d fallen in with the sort of riff-raff the party looked to represent. Ditto also got a distinct impression of guilt from Tress, who was trying to reassure herself over the unexpected encounter.

Erwyn presented the tincture he’d acquired from Eckjeth and the leaf he’d snapped off in the garden at Renya’s place, explaining he was hoping to get them tested. Tress told him she could take a look, but that with the Guildhall gala coming up it was still her busy season, and there would be a rush fee.

Hearing this, Voski asked about which guilds she had clients and contacts in, mentioning having run into a member of the Hue family the night before. Tress commented that the Hues had risen highly in Veritas society after lucking into finding a carbuncle that was happy to offer its gems to them freely. She said she was most closely connected to the Guild of Apothecaries, headed by the the Lanquetot family, though she was also affiliated with the Guild of Mages and Arcanists, which was headed up by Molgen Zisisvoyni.

When Erwyn asked for her rates, Tress pulled a large book from a pocket of her dress that seemed to have some sort of trans-dimensional quality to it, as it had to be deeper than the design allowed. She flipped through it to calculate her prices before telling Erwyn the fee for her analysis would be 750 gold pieces if he wanted it by the next day.

“Not that quick, then,” Erwyn said.

Voski negotiated the price down to 550gp for two day’s time, and said she’d put a good word in with Crispian Hue for Tress as part of the deal. Erwyn frantically Messaged Voski, saying he didn’t have that much money. She pulled out 200gp and handed it to him. He sent her another Message, saying that he still didn’t think he could afford the service. Kriv noticed Erwyn’s pained expression and asked him how much he had on him. As they muttered about math, Voski, sighing, dumped out the remaining 350gp from her bag. Erwyn insisted she didn’t have to pay all of it and she desperately said it was fine.

Tress looked over her shoulder and whistled a lilting melody, prompting an elaborate construct in the shape of a dog to emerge from behind a curtain leading to the back room. It trotted up beside her and she gave it the gold she’d been paid.

“Palette, take this to the back, please,” she asked it.

“You finished it,” Voski commented, watching the construct leave.

“Yes, I did. He’s lovely, isn’t he?” Tress said.

“He’s elaborate,” Voski said.

Ditto, meanwhile, had cast Detect Thoughts again during the negotiations. As the price was being discussed, she had picked up on more of Tress’ thoughts.

“Do I owe her?,” she overheard. “It was my fault, and she did get hurt. She’s just using that to manipulate me, isn’t she? Do I have bad taste? Oh damn it, we’ll just get this done with. 

…How did she end up with this elf?”

The party went to leave, but Voski stopped at the door and turned to Tress again, saying that the party had been told there might be some trouble with the air. Tress froze for a moment before saying she had some high-quality Dwarven masks that might be able to help filter airborne toxins, which she sold to the party for 20gp a piece.

Once the party was a decent way away from Tress’ store, Ditto leaned out of Voski’s bag, a conjured umbrella covering her head.

“Dang, she talks a lot like you,” she commented.

“She is a distinguished professional, in a business that requires a certain sense of decorum,” Voski replied.

“Are you two cool?” Ditto asked. “‘Cause I can never tell when you’re genuinely annoyed with someone. ‘Cause you just sound like you’re annoyed all the time.” 

“Perfectly fine,” Voski replied.

Amaranth asked if Tress had made Palette herself and Voski started to explain that it had been about a quarter finished when she last saw it before Kriv interrupted, jokingly referring to the construct dog as a “pet project” and incurring a glare. Erwyn babbled about being happy to reimburse Voski for at least part of the money she’d paid in the shop, but she brushed it off. The party got into a conversation about money, and how to make more of it. Turning in demons they’d managed to kill to the DPL would help them get more funds, but Erwyn was very anxious about interacting with the organization again. Amaranth was more inclined towards more criminal pursuits. Erwyn in particular was, predictably, very stressed about that idea as well.

Tiktik was waiting for the party at the inn, drenched from the rain. Ditto took off one of her vests to wrap around them. They reported that the spider construct had delivered its message and was paid to pick up several more at the print shop they’d followed it to. Several others came by as well as they watched. It seemed like the shop was printing the messages that were being sent out. She relayed this to the rest of the party as they had a meal up in their rooms.

After the group had taken a little bit of a rest, Ditto suggested something else she’d thought about trying -- using the Rhymer’s Ring to cast her makeshift “Scry” spell on Quest. She laid out a bowl again and was very exacting with her words this time, asking where they might be able to find a sign of her in Veritas. It showed her a nondescript street corner in what looked to be the poorer part of town and a tiefling child with bright red skin and tall horns curled up, playing with a small blue-white dagger that looked like ice.

Recognizing the dagger as very likely to be the one Quest was carrying the night she disappeared -- and noting that the image seemed to be current, as it was now evening and it showed the lamps getting low -- the party started discussing if it might be possible to find the child in question. Erwyn was even able to tell the approximate area they were in, as the whole party had been able to see the image and a flash of lightning had illuminated a building in it that he remembered from his own time in Veritas. As the party got ready to head out, Voski languidly rolled away from the fireplace she’d been basking in front of and Kriv reluctantly put his armor back on -- even with a potential development in their mission, the dragonborn remained unhappy about the rain.

[nutellaoutofthejarwithaspoon]

In Da Club

When my mom passed away five years ago, I distinctly remember the first person who said “welcome to the club”. She said it with a smirk on her face but I knew she wasn’t making light if it. She was genuinely welcoming me to a club that nobody wants to be a part of. I was 35 years old, and at that point in my life, knew very few people that had lost a parent. And I knew absolutely zero people who were grieving that loss and raising little kids at the same time.

Flash forward to almost six years later and I have now given that same “welcome to the club” shpeel to many others. And with each new member orientation that I give, I get flooded with a new wave of my own grief. It’s impossible to watch someone go through it and not relive the nightmare yourself. As I’ve said before, the grief eventually does lessen and life really will move on to a new normal. There will be joy and laughter again. The grief isn’t constant but when it does hit, it will feel like a tsunami. For many, watching loved ones go through something similar is almost always a trigger. It definitely is for me. That and a few other doozies. Take school concerts, for example. Nothing in the world makes me miss my mom more than sitting in the audience of a school concert and watching grandparents beam with pride. So if you see my mascara running down my cheeks at Spring Sing, now you’ll know why. I sit and stare at the grandparents and I can’t help but think about how my mom was robbed of this. I think about how my kids were robbed of having her in the audience as their biggest fan. How I was robbed of having my mother there to share in this moment, as my biggest fan. And I always look around at the parents and I wonder if they realize what a gift it is having grandparents there to share it all with. 

For some reason, it all just highlights what I already know. Yes, the sadness. But also the burden I feel as a mom raising small children. For me, it is the most taxing part. Having grandparents around is such an important thing for your kids, and when you’re robbed of it, the burden you’re left to carry can feel heavy. Your children learn so much about life and your family history simply from spending time with your parents. They learn to respect their elders and understand your ethnic heritage purely through osmosis. My children only know the sound of a Russian accent from when I mimic one for fun. They’re not learning the language because I went ahead and married an American and am too lazy to speak it at home. They’ll never sleep at grandma’s house and smell the smells of Russian food cooking on her stovetop or get treated with silly Russian remedies when they’re sick. They will either have to learn it from me or not learn it at all. And that is a heavy burden to bare. Some days I try and I think I’m doing an ok job and other days I completely give up. But I continue to share stories. The same ones over and over. Sometimes they listen and sometimes they don’t, but I hope they’re hearing me. 

The same goes for my grieving. They may not realize it, but by watching me grieve, I’m teaching them how to grieve. By letting them see me cry, I’m teaching them that it’s ok to be sad and affected. And then by wiping away my tears and laughing about something just a few minutes later, I’m showing them how to move forward. Because one day they will be grieving for me.  And as difficult as it is to think about that, what better gift can you give your children than to show them how to get through one of the most challenging times in their life? And in a way, give them permission to have joy in their life again.

I’m no life coach, but I really encourage you to show your emotions to your children. They don’t need to see every up and down, but don’t be afraid to be vulnerable with them. Show them you feel pain and sadness, just like they do, but don’t forget to show them how you bounce back. If tragic death has taught me anything, it’s to YOLO. Random people will sometimes make snooty comments to me about how much we travel or go out. Yeah we do. Because while my mom was sick, our life was put on hold and it sucked. And last year I was dealing with some health challenges that forced us to cancel pretty much every fun thing we had planned, so you better believe that when we are all feeling good, we are going to have fun. You never know when life will get yucky, so I highly recommend YOLO’ing. And if people are judgy, you can tell them I said they can suck it. 

My husband and I are celebrating our ten year anniversary this year and taking a trip to celebrate. We leave on what would have been my mom’s 72nd birthday. We will start the day with my kids by eating something sweet and delicious for breakfast and lighting birthday candles, just like she would have wanted. And then I’m going to hop on an airplane and see the world, just like she would have wanted me to.

[islanddazerp]

VINES OF THE EARTH

Running deep in Jamaica is a cultural and racial history that is as rich as it is complex. From the Taíno people to the enslaved Africans and Indian and Chinese laborers who eventually populated the island—worlds that once stood apart are now combined. The island, shaded by palm leaves and cooled by the sea breeze, is made up of families who do not forget old things. Families whose resentments are made of gossamer veils that cannot hide the pain and passion of memories they’ve sought to throw away. In Montego Bay, three families whose lives were formerly separated were brought together by the actions of their children; the young ones who reached across cultural boundaries to find love, power, and disappointment. Young men and women who after decades have not been healed. Instead the old wounds remain raw, picked at by the shame and allure that comes of old lovelorn romance, infidelity, and embarrassment. For years the families remain unreconciled, passing down to their children a heritage of pride and intolerance, forcing them to live within the consequences of the older generation’s unforgiving ways.

The Palmers, Huangs, and Inalsinghs are always in some form of contention. Now that the Salgados and, more recently, the Lantiers have become part of their stories, the pain of the past rains down, leaking into shallow graves and hidden gorges.

These are the vines of the earth, rooting themselves so sweetly.

( 4 PALMERS )

A notable, driven family, the Palmers have one of the strongest roots in Jamaica, but especially so in Montego Bay. Their industry is in sugarcane, from which they yield sugar, molasses, and rum. As the generations went on, they only gained more power, but no one has brought them forward like Fitzroy Palmer.

Each of his children have every possession it takes to succeed. He notes, publicly and privately, that they are the ideal family. Still, to his own parents’ disappointment, their single imperfection has always been the low birth and dark complexion of his wife. A strike at the pride of a man who’d been the most responsible child out of all the families, the one who found that every dispute seemed to lay on his shoulders to bear and fix. Among his siblings, he is the only one worth his salt. Reginald never quite found out what to do in life beside drinking and bedding different women, and Sylvie (now Lantier) fell in love with the island’s biggest playboy then ran away with him to Cuba only to be banished to the U.S. as her punishment. As such, his parents entrusted him with everything, and now he’s one of the most powerful (and opinionated) people on the island. Thus, he grew older with the sense that he was smarter, even better than the rest.

His children were brought up with a similar mindset, continually weaned on the idea that every inch of the earth is theirs for the taking.

THE HUANG FAMILY – is friendly with them.

THE INSALSINGH FAMILY – is neutral, but their fathers and uncles get too drunk and argue in bars about old things.

THE LANTIER FAMILY – are their cousins.

THE SALGADO FAMILY – shares a mutual distaste with them.

grew up in a house full of black artwork and statues — rooted here since the foundation of jamaica's,cousins adopted by their family since uncle reginald (and their different mothers) wouldn't take care of them — friends with foreign diplomats & celebrities  — educated in international schools  — speak several languages  — very prideful  — very close as a family  — a good public appearance is everything  — casual globetrotters  — all strive to please their father even when they don't want to  — act like the world belongs to them  — in jamaica it most certainly does.

( 4 HUANGS )

Industrious, the Huang family owns several grocery and common good stores within the Caribbean. Cherry was and still is the island’s fashionista, ahead of the time all the time. Her husband, Long, is one of the most popular figures on the island, both a decorated war hero and diver who won two gold medals at the Olympics for China. As a couple, they’re impressive, and their children have proven to live up to their name. Each one like their father, particularly athletic and disciplined in their talent. Whether all of them are smart enough to make use of it is another thing.

In her youth, Cherry dated Ravi Inalsingh who, at the time, was secretly seeing Sylvie Lantier (née Palmer). Both Cherry and Ravi, aware of their parents’ expectations, were intent on marrying within their cultures, but after some time Cherry fell in love thinking she tamed the island’s notorious badboy. Then she caught Ravi and Sylvie making love in the fields. She stayed quiet for a week before telling the ever-arrogant Fitzroy Palmer to see the fields at night. The revelation was a temporary embarrassment, placing the Huangs at the center of island gossip. Cherry's mother quite frankly lost it, upset by her daughter's cool demeanor despite the teasing that came from people they'd offered loans and free groceries.

When it all died down, the Huangs never truly lost much. Though at the center of the chaos, Cherry reveled in seeing all the families except hers fall apart. She grew brighter, in fact, marrying Long who she found to be her perfect match after all. So many decades later, she’s over the issue, but her mother isn’t. Sylvie’s return has only caused unease.

THE INSALSINGH FAMILY – is being warmed up to but their grandmother (cherry’s mother) is constantly warning them about the children. she would be damned if any one of her grandchildren becomes involved with an inalsingh.

THE LANTIER FAMILY – gets along fine with them, but their mother (cherry) makes her distaste of them well-known.

THE PALMER FAMILY – is friendly with them.

THE SALGADO FAMILY – have been neutral with them, but they’re wary marta will point her political demonstrations toward their shops.

all athletic  — raised in a good, respectful household  — rooted here since the 1870s  — own several popular dry good stores  — known for their generosity , very close as a family, taking each other's side in public no matter the embarrassment  — a pillar in the island's community  — seen as leaders even if they don't want to be  — all talented but they're not all quite smart  — speak in spanish to evade their parents' listening ears — deathly afraid of their grandmother, violet  — some of them live frugally but they're rich $$$  — own horses  — take trips to visit family in china  — mindful of their reputation on the island

( 5 INALSINGHS )

The Insalsinghs own a large cocoa farm on the island, importing their sweets to premium chocolate brands in France and Italy. Among them, Ravi grew up as the boy of every girl’s dreams in Montego Bay. Tall, barrel-chested, incredibly handsome. The type of face that could melt your thoughts away. Rumored to have fathered two other children on the island, most say he’s been with Sylvie Lantier more than any other girl. Before him, the Inalsingh family were at a distance from the public eye, but Ravi was never one to be hidden. He is credited with warming up relations between the parish and its Indo-Caribbean community. A good party or public affair is never room for him or his family to attend. Thus, his wife and children are well-received, too. These days it seems no one ever blames Ravi for anything though he’s the cause of everyone’s fussing.

Ravi dated Cherry Huang while secretly seeing Slyvie Lantier. Eventually they were caught by her brother, Fitzroy, after Cherry gave him a hint to see the fields at night. Angering three sets of parents (Cherry’s family never liked the Inalsinghs, Ravi’s family already set up his marriage to Lakshmi, the Palmers liked Ravi but were concerned about his reputation) he and Sylvie to the fled to the other side of the island, eventually making way to Cuba before a team of uncles brought him back. Sylvie was sent away to the U.S.

Under pressure from his family, he immediately married Lakshmi whom he barely knew intimately, having only met her on occasional trips to Calcutta. For years their marriage was a mess. Lakshmi, worn thin, constantly called home to complain about his behavior, but it all stopped after a trip to the U.S. settled him down like an old lion. They got to know each other, growing into a love that took time and patience to create. As a result, they created five clones out of Ravi’s remarkable beauty and Lakshmi’s talent of making friends out of anybody

THE HUANG FAMILY – has warmed up to them, but the huang grandmother constantly sows seeds of discord between them.

THE LANTIER FAMILY – had formerly been their friends, but their father (ravi) is being uncharacteristically strict about them getting close.

THE PALMER FAMILY – is neutral with them, but their fathers and uncles get too drunk and argue at bars about old things.

THE SALGADO FAMILY – is neutral and friendly toward them.

whew  — raised in a carefree, but tense household  — rooted here since the 1860s , own a cocoa farm with a stronghold on the exports  — their father has an infamous reputation & their mother has had to deal with it  — not truly held accountable for their actions — they're the branch of family that everyone both wants to be like and pities  — parents argued constantly for their first 10 years of marriage  — uncommonly popular on the island and online  — always invited to parties and events  — all get along (sometimes) but they aren't very close  — resent and have heard jokes about their father having more children on the island  — currently discussing who gets the cocoa farm should their father die young

( 3 LANTIERS )

Like a nightmare, the Lantiers come to the island on the cusp of an old shame. One not yet known to the children, but perhaps they'll know soon because here everyone knows about Sylvie, the only daughter from the dynasty family known as the Palmers. Recently, she's scandalized the community again when she returned with a white husband and three children, one of whom is of a notably darker complexion.

Her husband, Frédéric, is a magazine editor who ended his jet-setting lifestyle by courting Sylvie during her stay in New York City. Marrying him opened up opportunities, ones her family in Jamaica did not like and in conclusion chose not to be present for except to send her children's cousins over for vacation. Though it's been years since Sylvie embarrassed her parents by running away with Ravi Inalsingh, the Palmers glaze over the incident and their behavior like it never happened.

So it’s not known to everyone that she still took Ravi's phone calls and invited him to the city just a few years into her own marriage. The island gossip is that Frédéric is certainly not the father of one of the children. But still the three have their own problems to worry about when Ravi won’t let his children near them and when the Huang grandmother sneers at them on the streets. The Lantiers thought Jamaica would be peaceful, alas, it isn't. Not for the children of a woman with a mark on her

THE HUANG FAMILY – used to get along fine with them, but the huang grandmother is driving in a wedge.

THE INSALSINGH FAMILY – struggling to get along with them, they don't know that their father (ravi) is trying to keep them apart.

THE PALMER FAMILY – are their cousins.

THE SALGADO FAMILY – friendly toward them, their mothers have quickly become like best friends.

very american  — raised by caretakers and without limits  — came here a few months ago  — mother is a palmer (formerly banished from home and resentful about it)  — father is a frenchman and magazine editor  — close, despite the distance from their mother  — grew up unaware of their family's history in jamaica  — literally shocked that there's so much they didn't know  — have a hard time adjusting to the island , tend to feel like outsiders looking in  — stick close out of necessity — trying to make the best of being here for the summer  —  it's #toohot  — some people pity them and help them out  — others side-eye them for being sylvie's children, especially the one with a darker complexion  — their mother has always told them they have the same father

( 6 SALGADOS )

Although the Salgado's arrived more than twenty years ago, the still considered new. Fitzroy Palmer mistakenly said they were Cuban and now everyone who doesn’t question him thinks so, too. They’re a blended family with both extensions from Brazil, having come together at a crucial point in life. Their mother, Marta, is a matriarch. Her first husband Hugo Cáceres was a politician who, once a champion of the people, grew cold. She fiercely disagreed with his policies, so much so she secretly backed an opposition group that fought against him. When he found out, he immediately threw her out of the house. Knowing she might face greater consequences, she fled with her children to Montego Bay. Here she met Angelo who brought in his own three children, later having one child together. They don’t have a lot of money, but they do have the respect of the community.

Marta never dropped her activist roots. She still fought for the rights of common people, leading demonstrations against big corporations on the island with her babies held either in her arms or with a wrap on her back. She allied herself with local groups and seemed to throw her life into supporting them. Her name, along with a few others, became synonymous with civil rights on the island. She is not welcomed anywhere the government sets foot, and the number of times she’s been arrested says so.

She raised her children to live fiercely and freely, but is by no means easygoing. She expects a lot out of them and is no fan of excuses. Angelo, on the other hand, has always been soft with them. Still, their mother is a matriarch and they've learned not to test her.

THE HUANG FAMILY – is neutral with them.

THE INSALSINGH FAMILY – is neutral and friendly toward them.

THE LANTIER FAMILY – friendly toward them, their mothers have quickly become like best friends.

THE PALMER FAMILY – shares a mutual distaste with them.

they're brazilian  — 3 are exiles from a rich political family  — 3 are children of a poor artist  — 1 comes from both (the youngest child)  — grew up in a very strict household that became more relaxed as they grew older  — don't all get along  — very vocal mother and very supportive father  — live lower class lives  — wealthy families are wary of them — grew up having to share beds  — their mother's reputation precedes them —  while she can be exhausting the 3 children she came to the island with are very protective of her —  scrappy & world-wise  — survival skills level: 100  —  they can make fun of each other, but no one else can

[shzzm-blog]

BASICS

Given / Birth Name : William Joseph Batson Nickname / Preferred Name : Billy Alias(es) : Captain Thunder, Champion, Captain Marvel, SHAZAM Birthdate / Age : April 1, 2000 / 19 Place of Birth : Fawcett City, PA Current Location : New Carthage, NY Gender Identity : Cisgender Male (He/Him) Sexual / Romantic Orientation : Pansexual / Panromantic Ethnicity / Race / Cultural Heritage: Caucasian, but in a Mixed family Marital Status : Single Occupation : Student at Hudson University Religious Beliefs : Non Religious, but Powered by some Religious figures

CHARACTERISTICS

Height : 5′ 9″ ϟ 6′ 5″ Weight : 157lbs ϟ 234lbs Body Type / Build : Mesomorph / Rhomboid Eye Color : Medium Brown Hair Color / Texture : Dark Brown, nearly Black / Straight and Wavy Recognizable Features / Scars : Lichtenberg figure scar on his back from turning back during a lightning storm, A slightly crooked nose from breaking it a few too many times Speech Patterns / Accent : Pittsburgh English Languages Spoken : English, some Spanish Powers / Skills / Abilities : Basic Knowledge of Fighting ϟ Divine Empowerment of Solomon, Hercules, Atlas, Zeus, Achilles, & Mercury Overall Health : Physically, he’s completely healthy by any doctor’s standards. Mentally however, he’s kind of got a lot bottled up inside and he isn’t taking good care of himself in that regard. If he ever lets it out, it’s either to a select few trusted individuals or by himself.

RELATIONSHIPS (death tw)

Order of Birth : Mary, Pedro, Billy, Freddy, Eugene, Darla Father’s Status + Relationship : C. C. Batson, Deceased + Billy was only three when his father died, so his memories of him are limited to stories his mother would tell of him excavating the great mysteries of the world. As he would later find out, one of these excavations became his tomb when the spirit of Black Adam took over one of the men on the crew and murdered him. / Victor Vasquez, Adoptive + A little quirky, but overall a great guy. When Billy was fourteen, Victor and his wife took him in and loved him just as they had been loved when they were in the system as well. While he doesn’t know about Billy’s secret identity, he is still a supportive figure in his life and tries to talk at least once a day with him. Mother’s Status + Relationship : Marilyn Batson Smith, Estranged + About a year after her husband’s death, Billy’s mother had taken her son to the zoo and while the day was one of Billy’s earliest memories of her, it was his last until much later as that was the day he lost his mother. When he was fourteen he had finally found his mother again, but she wasn’t the woman he thought she was. Instead, she was a woman trying her best while dealing with issues that kept and continues to keep her from being a mother. Billy hasn’t seen her since then, but he finally got closure after. / Rosa Vasquez, Adoptive + As endearingly embarrassing as Victor is as a father, Rosa is quite the opposite as a mother. She’s what he’s always remembered his biological mother as: warm, loving, a little bit snippy in the funniest way possible. She’s taken him in with her husband and was in the system herself, even a little bit of a trouble maker like him. While she doesn’t know his secret identity, she still helps him without realizing it. And, Billy never misses her call. Sibling Status + Relationship : Mary Bromfield, Adoptive + Older sister. / Pedro Peña, Adoptive + Older brother. / Frederick Freeman, Adoptive + Brother around the same age. / Eugene Choi, Adoptive + Younger brother. / Darla Dudley, Adoptive + Younger sister. Loyalty / Affiliation : Himself His Family, Wavering loyalty to the Justice League

PERSONALITY

MBTI : ESTP-T Three Positive Traits : Obliging, Sharp, & Jocular Three Negative Traits : Guarded, Hasty, & Dogmatic Moral Alignment : Neutral Good

ASSOCIATIONS

One Song : Thunder & Lightning by Gilbert O'Sullivan One Quote / Piece of Art : “I’m just a boy trying to be a good man.” / Transformation 2 by Juli Lyashuk One Place : Philadelphia Zoo One Scent : Cinnamon

[themilokin]

14, 17, 29, 30, 31

14. Introduce any other parties you have played in or DM-ed.

Oh god. Oh no. The LONGEST LIST…

The Historical Preservation Society of Fandolin - My first ever dnd party playing Lost Mines of Phandelver! This was a bunch of years ago and I still have very very fond memories. We got our name by a scheme that managed to get us a 1v1 fight with a necromancer and then later an invitation to see some bugbears but that turned out less good. Comprised of Flint the Dwarven Cleric who 100% started a table-wide superstition of warhammers never hitting their targets, Taris the Half-Orc Paladin noble who originated the scheme, Tilwynn Syrr (Mr. Sir)- my wood elf rogue- who continued the scheme and butted heads with Taris repeatedly, and Eileer- a wood-elf beastmaster ranger who we called Grandma for her age and general personality. It was a wild few months.

Ghostbusters - A hard-scrabble group of idiots fight off supernatural threats and actual cannibal Shia LeBouff in the Magic The Gathering setting of Innestrad. The first campaign my girlfriend and I got to play together, and her first campaign! Comprised of her Ness (a Hunter Ranger with RIDICULOUS damage output), my Vermillion Kade (assassin and group dad), a Fighter that died to a Shambling Mound and came back as a Bagpiping Bard whose names elude me, Nessnemo (Nemo for clarity- a barbarian whose outfit consisted of primarily straps and little else), and Anders (A druid who caused the tablewide joke of ‘Bear in a Banquethall’ whenever players do something Very Ill-Advised because they missed a detail of description). We also saw a character named Chrodechild in this game while I took over for a Birthday Two-shot DMing stint.

OG Sendra - The first attempt at a full-length campaign. Comprised of Chrodechild the enchantress that eventually face-heel-turned into a villain, Lorelai Elffei the thief from a town of children who died and came back, Nemo (once more, but tiefling this time), Eseka the Halfling Monk/Bard performer in a circus (I THINK to melil, actually) who died and was restored, and Feverfew- the Drow Warlock of the Archfey.It had a pretty high character-swap-and-death rate. Feverfew the warlock died and became Patrin the Dragonborn Paladin who was then ALSO killed, and Kanseif the Human Barbarian Warrior Princess came about to replace him. Chrodechild turned evil and was replaced with Rhadha the crippled tiefling warlock who had made a deal with hags and had a long contract full of stipulations. Brill had to depart after character moments occurred and came back as Sylvienne Ghost- an Aasimar druid and Therapy Dog. There were further character swaps later on, but by the time they occurred the campaign had begun to grind to a halt.

Shards of the Past - A campaign run by a friend. The party was gathering the broken fragments of a rod of Manticores to fight back against the northern Empire. We were contracted by the queen to do so and BOY we sucked at it but we sure did win the war! A human paladin (whose name escapes me) with a lion-steed named Balthazar, Kestral the human Ranger-assassin (who had bird-themed names for her whole family it was rad), and my gnome Wizard Sullivan Orren du Ghislain-Ameritte III, who slowly descended towards lawful evil as the game progressed. It was a WILD romp. 

ThreaTTT - My second stab at DMing! The players awoke in prison after a night of wildly out-of-hand carousing and had to pay off their debt to society in service to Drann’s public. Mostly monster hunting and character-driven, the first introduction of The Timeless and Sliver of Moon! Party consisted of Tor (half-elf half-dwarf bard who was locked in an endless one-sided rivalry with Fortesque D’artigan- another half-elven bard), Risc Taxis (an assassin from the Talons, the southern Thieves and Assassin’s guild in Sendra, and an addict to Celadon- a opiate that stains fingers blue), and Atonement/Toni- an Aasimar Archfey warlock who was fleeing an engagement and was beholden to the whims of her 12 year old patron. They more or less made a thrash metal band by level 5, and Cera- a merfolk enchantress prostitute- joined up with them after a trip to the Stormlashed Sea. Her name didn’t fit the scheme, but she was loads of fun.

Pile of Idiots/Fortune’s Favor/Dumb Luck - You know this one, Muffin. ;P Comprised of a Fireball-Happy Endlessly-Curious sorcerer, an Extra As Shit 4 Elements Monk, the Queen of the Sea herself, The Worlds Best Bard, Smol Druid with Smol Doggo frond, and Beefest Lizard Tank, these idiots try and save the world- or at least get by.

Trees Beneath the Seas - A campaign that got very away from us, and where Moon received most of his character development. It was a huge party, which I think detracted a bit from the potential RP fun, but I got to be RECKLESS. We had Damon Pyre the Half-Elf-Half-Dragon Sorcerer, Durieal Durnam the OP monk that was killed by the weapon he carried, Saneva Amailo the hexblade warlock of Garagos and certified Edgelord Supreme, Quv the gnome-turned-elf rogue that left and whose player came back with Rue the Pumpkin Queen the human druid, Amaya Arissius the wood-elf Horizon Walker Ranger (who died and was reincarnated as a human), Verath the Dragonborn bard, Persephone O’Dougal the Canim forge cleric, Braugen Rowcron the dwarf barbarian who came back later as Satsuss the yuan-ti artificer, Arlow Rathers the paladin of Illmater and best baker the world has ever seen, Waruk Flamesong the half-orc wizard/cleric who sank the world, and finally Sliver of Moon who robbed, lied, and smooth-talked his way into and out of worlds of trouble as a swashbuckling rogue-fighter-paladin-sorcerer (we got to lvl 30 shit got WEIRD).

Harder Than We Thought - Thrush’s game! We played on the continent of Sivaan- slowly coming under siege by a power called The Parody that wanted to make the whole world just a liiiiiiiittle more interesting. Evelynn Mercado (Parsippany Olapieros) the half-elf blade-bard with ten tons of swagger in a ten ounce body who was looking for her father and making her own name in the world, Thrush Marigold the endlessly sunny sun-soul monk who was learning about his tiefling heritage while looking for his mother, Sir Tim the Halfling Hero For Hire Paladin who was making his tiefling lover and his son proud, Dune the bloodhunter with a Big Problem with hags, ‘The’ Wothe the more traditional halfling bard who was potentially about to be Thrush’s uncle by marriage, Perryn the Air Genasi Beastmaster Ranger and prankmaster general, and a dragonborn sorcerer I cannot recall the name of with terrible eyesight.

Punk! - A portal-fantasy run by our Innestrad DM, with a fantastic set up where he said he had to take a call during our session 0 and walked out. We then all got messages at the table saying he’d been replaced and to not trust him, and when he came back his whole body language was changed and then ‘sucked us into a portal’ via his tome of handbooks he got rebound into one HUGE book. We all played ourselves but better, and it was wild.

Umber Wilds/Aspiring Cryptids - One I’m currently running on mondays! A group of adventurers Doing Their Best. Audhilde Stoneforger is the Eldritch Knight and Battle Goddess who can leap up to 170 feet because I’ve broken my own will. Larken Delmare is the human shadow sorcerer who used to be an elf and came back wrong, she’s got ties to the first lands of Thielle and is dealing with Coming Back Wrong as best she can. Yseult Brighton is a water-genasi grave cleric with both Selune and Shar claiming portions of her soul, she’s been dubbed the World’s Okayest Cleric and is basically a fishbowl made of friendship. Lastly there’s Ekaterina Sheralova, a drow Gloomstaker Ranger with the most flamboyant fashion and cat-like personality whose family is probably going to wind up killing her or trying to.

17. What are some house rules that your group has?

BIG CRITS! You max your primary damage die and then roll the second, so you’re always hitting big when you get that nat 20! I have to beef so much health because of this.

Flanking - Instituted around the In-Person table: when you flank you get a +2 to hit, not advantage. It’s less OP that way.

29. Do you prefer RP heavy sessions or combat sessions?

Usually RP heavy sessions are my favorite thing, but sometimes you just want to hit something. XD I’ve found I really like a healthy dose of both, but I love it when the combat functions to fuel RP, so RP is probs my more favorite kind.

30. Are your players diplomatic or murder hobos?

They’ve trended more diplomatic! I’m grateful for it, and it’s neat seeing what pushes characters into ‘murder’ when they start out with diplomacy.

31. What is your favorite class? Favorite race?

Oh golly, probably Rogue or Paladin for favorite class, but Bard is up there too. I love versatility, and Rogue and Bard are skill monkey classes that are super fun. Paladin’s whole ‘strength from your belief in an ideal’ is also hella fun tho, I like it when paladins draw power from belief not in a god, but in a principle that guides them. Favorite race is harder, I don’t really have a favorite- but I know I dislike playing as Dragonborn, Aarakokra, and Lizardfolk personally. They’re just not for me, I think.

[jolie-auletta]

Lose Yourself, To Find Yourself.

So, I had the honour of being part of an international women’s day seminar yesterday. Hosted by the beautiful Gaia Rose, at her annual awakened woman gathering.

Part of a 7 woman strong team, I made my first public speech.

Stood in front of 50 women I didn’t know, I spoke about something that had impacted my life. How I fully and completely lost myself, but found my true self by doing so.

So here goes;

When I first found out I was going to be speaking today, I was an anxiety ridden mess, I was almost automatically filled with all kinds of insecurities. What if my story isnt as exciting as everybody elses. What if people judge me. What if I dont even inspire any one?

And as normal as that thought process is for someone who has never spoken in public before, it isnt actually very logical.

While I was writing this speech I sent it over to my friend to read over and I told her I felt somewhat guilty for mentioning someone from my past.

I am literally about to say things to a room of strangers that I've never even said a loud before!

But that's when it hit me, I want to be part of teaching our daughters and the next generation of women to not be afraid of simply speaking the truth!

I was always an intelligent kid. I taught myself how to speak other languages, play musical instruments, top of the class.. so I should have been a grade A student, gone to uni and I could have been living 'the dream' right now.

I know that the dream is just perspective. The dream is what you make it. But what I’m trying to say, is I could have had a smooth and easy life, if things had been different.

I don't dwell on that though, devine alignment is something I speak of often. All that is meant to be, will be.

My secondary school days were awful. I started later than I should have, so perhaps that had something to do with it? I don't know. But I felt like I was just always having to try harder than normal, just to make friends. Constantly seeking approval from my peers, constantly trying to be ‘one of them’.

What I've realised it comes down to, is I've just never had good social skills. Which no body believes when I tell them because I come across so confident and eccentric!

But honestly I'm what I like to call a social chameleon. I can blend in with any group, but it's all down to analysis of behaviours and mimicking. In a sense it's just acting.

And that's what school was like for me, I shuffled between groups, making friends then falling out with them over things I just didn't understand at the time

It's like I just didn't know how to integrate with people , or be myself.

So along with feeling like I has no real friends.. I was actually bullied too. The entire time.

I remember having to leave school early just to avoid confrontation. The worst part is, I didn't tell a soul I until I was 25? So a whole 10 years went by without even telling my own mum that I was bullied!

That's something I really regret now. Because I believe it all stems from there and if I had reached out to someone, it could have all been different.

Anyway, the last year of school rolled round and I'm obviously so happy to leave!

But then this fear kicked in. What if I get bullied again!?

So I had an ingenius plan. (in hindsight this was not an ingenius plan at all)

I firstly completely went off radar. I chose a college in a new area, where no one would know me and heres the ingenius part. I made a new personality. Who is the most unbullyable person, I thought? All my previous bullies where quite 'rude girl' personas, so thats when i pieced everything together and decided who I’d be.

And it worked. No one picked on me and I was actually popular.

The mask was working, but that’s all it was, a mask.

I was still constantly seeking approval from people, always trying to be what I thought other people thought was cool, not what I actually thought was cool.

About 8 years ago, i was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and BPD. I was on medication but I took myself off of them when I fell pregnant. I did see a psychiatrist for a number of years, but I'm due to have another evaluation because I tick a lot of the boxes for autism!

This was literally a lightbulb moment! When I found out I could be on the spectrum- everything in my life made sense. And it turns out its really common for women with autism to go under the radar, or be diagnosed with depression, anxiety or bipolar/bpd like I was, and that's it, autism isn't even considered.

I am quite obviously high functioning, but every day scenarios like dealing with my emotions, sensory predicaments and simple socialising are a daily battle for me.

I have done A LOT of self healing and I have made a lot of progress, but I have come to the conclusion that whether I'm one, none, or all of the above , I just don't fit in a box and that's okay!!

I found my release in music, it was a coping mechanism, a world to get lost in.

But this leads me onto the second part of my story. During my music years, I met someone who would change my life.

A narccissist.

As i said before i do believe everything happens in devine order and its all lead me to where I am today. And I don't even hold a grudge towards this person. What's done is done.

And we were actually friends for a long while before getting together, we were best friends in fact, I can't even fault the friendship.

But the relationship was TOXIC!

The mental abuse was off the scale. And he also introduced me to cocaine. Now, in the beginning, it was all fun and games. Parties, recreational and I had no responsibilities in life so I thought why the hell not.

But it became more than that. He got me involved in not only taking it, but selling it too.

The entire relationship became based on that.

And ultimately it was detrimental to my soul.

I didnt even recognise myself. My family didn’t recognise me. It was like I had all these layers of personality I had invented to hide behind, but I couldn’t even remember who I was underneath it all!

I became more and more involved in this crazy lifestyle, so much so I ended up in prison because of it.

Honestly I look back and just think, how could I be so STUPID. It took me so long to admit that I was in a controlling and abusive relationship.

This guy had a hold on me. The kind of hold only a narccissist can have.

This wasnt some teenage crush where i 'loved' him so much and I'd do anything for him. I was a crushed soul, bowing down to a dictator.

I did what he wanted, when he wanted. I didn’t even exist. It was all about him.

My mental state was in pieces.

Im honestly so embarrased to tell people Ive been to jail. I mean even saying the word jail. It makes me cringe. I rarely tell people. There are family members that don’t even know!

But that prison freed me. From the jail that was my own body.

Its almost heartbreaking to think of myself all alone in a cell, no friends or family , but I had time to be on my own. With ME! The actual me, not the me I had been playing the part of for the last god knows how many years.

I honestly remember the day the penny dropped, it was when I put my nose ring back in. It sounds so crazy, but when I put it back in, all the pieces of me started to sort of fall into place too. I wore the clothes I wanted. I wore my hair how I wanted and I was starting to love being me again.

The mask was off! I existed again! And that was a beautiful feeling!

I can’t believe I’d kept up this charade for so many years! I should have been an actress, seriously 😂

So fast forward to today, I have a daughter, My Isabella Amethyst. I honestly love her more than I ever thought was even possible and she has played a major role in me becoming the person I am today, because she deserves me at my best and no less.

Another point to make is… As some one who was too foreign for the white folk; yet too white to be black… my whole life I had never fit in to a ‘group’.

I started researching my ancestral heritage and had a deep spiritual connection with the Italian and Spanish parts of my DNA. I even discovered I had Amerindian and oceanic DNA. Which was amazing and even more soul grabbing for me, it gave me a sense of belonging.

A lot of people say wow jode, you've changed so much!

But i am now, who I actually was before I was pressured in to believing I wasn't good enough as myself! Before I invented a new me, just to fit in with everyone else!

So along with becoming a parent, Ive managed to start my own holistic business too!

I do everything I love now, everything that makes my soul happy. I say yes to my intuition and say no to anything that doesn't serve me. We as women have to learn put ourselves first! We have to learn to trust ourselves, love ourselves and actually learn to be a bit selfish!

Life has given me some lemons, as they say. My world was incredibly sour at times and I have found my self in the darkest of corners, alone. But as clische as it is, after the darkness comes light.

I can wholeheartedly say that although I may not be 'living the dream' I could have been, if I had chosen all the 'right' paths in life, I am infact HAPPY. My soul is content and I am ME.

No matter what any of us have been through in life, we not only grow through it, we can flurish beyond it. These awful things happen to us, but they do not define us.

Sometimes we just have to lose ourselves, to find ourselves.

[allisondraste]

What's the most interesting thing that Niamh and Solas did in the Fade?

So, it doesn’t count if it’s Fade second base? Listen, I went back and forth while writing this so many times, as to whether or not to go the obvious route with some good old-fashioned Fade Frolicking or not.  I took a hard left-turn somewhere and I don’t know what’s happening, but I liked the result and I hope you do, too.  Thanks for the ever-thought-provoking prompts, Cele.

Vhenadahl stood solidly, a grounding presence in the middle of chaos, as it always had.  Niamh examined it, eyebrows furrowed in contemplation, head tilted slightly to the side.  It was her Vhenadahl, the one that stood in the center of the Tantervale Alienage where had lived in her early childhood.  It was the tree of her people , a disembodied fist, shaking at the sky.

The world around the tree solidified, the quaint and clean buildings the city elves called home, children singing and playing as their parents watched from porches.  It was picturesque on the surface, as all things in the most pristine of Free Marcher cities had been.  Tantervale was a pleasant enough place for elves to live… if they prescribed to and abided by the utter nonsense of the Chantry.  Public execution was a merciful punishment for elves believed to be heretics.

Niamh smiled bitterly and shook her head.  The Fade was a cold-hearted bitch.

As she continued to observe the scene before her, the hairs on the back of her neck prickled upward.  Something, or someone, was nearby.  She turned around in a flash, her fist full of flames.  The light from her extended hand illuminated familiar features that did not even flinch.  Dusty blue eyes glittered in amusement — Or were they grey? Grey with violet flecks dancing about? She blinked twice and released the tension from her nose that she had not realized she had been wrinkling. She needed to focus on the matter at hand. His eyes were irrelevant.

“Solas,” Niamh asked, sounding more oppositional than she intended, “What’re you doing here?”

“I..” Solas began as he examined his surroundings, “I do not know.”

Her gut reaction was to scoff. It was unlikely that he, who so expert in the workings of the Fade, had happened upon her dream accidentally.  However, the crease between his brows and the curve of his lips seemed to say that he was genuine in his confusion. She blinked again and shook her head. How long has she been staring? His mouth was not that damn special.

His eyes. His mouth. The last time they had stumbled upon each other in the Fade, and walked through a Haven that no longer existed, it had been his eyes and his mouth. Then again on the balcony, when he said he had not forgotten, kissed her again, called her his heart. It was always his damn eyes and his damn mouth. Of course it was more than that too, but she could not put it into words. He was infuriating.

“Where are we,” Solas asked pulling Niamh from her internal chafing, “This place must be important to you, to remember it in such detail.”

Niamh nodded and looked down at her feet before turning her gaze to Solas and then back out toward Vhenadahl.

“This is home,” she said, her voice tinted with a twinge of sorrow.

“I thought you were Dalish.”

“I am Dalish,” Niamh spat, the Fade around her becoming dark and turbulent.

“Careful vhenan,” Solas warned her, his voice even and calm, “Your emotions are more potent here.”

He was right, and how she hated it. How dare he imply that she was not Dalish because she was not born into a clan. How dare he say that and then tell her to calm down. But he was right if the swirling darkness around them was any indication.

“Fine,” she said tersely as she inhaled slowly and deeply to calm herself, the atmosphere settling into its original state, “But you can’t just deny my heritage and expect me to be not be upset by it.”

“I apologize,” Solas said gently, shocking Niamh to her core,  “I misspoke. Of course you are Dalish, but you are also more. Most Dalish are not born in alienages.”

“I was, “ Niamh explained solemnly, “I was born here and lived with my parents until-“ She froze as the memories of what happened flooded her mind and sat like a stone on her chest. Solas moved to her side and placed a hand on her back. Before them, the Fade reflected her memories.

The patter of tiny feet fell against the stony ground as a young girl with fiery hair ran toward the tree. Her face was pale and bare of markings aside from the freckles that dotted her nose and cheeks. She was out of breath and crying. Behind her, a small group of other children followed, shouting slurs. “Abomination” was still a horrible thing to be called even when mispronounced by an eight-year-old.

“SHUT UP,” little Niamh shouted as she reached her breaking point, her entire body erupting in flames, “I hope the Dreadwolf catches you and…and EATS YOU.”

Gasps could be heard from the group of children as well as from older elves that had been nearby to overhear the exchange. Not only had the girl blasphemed against the Maker in earshot of Chantry authorities, but the flames that came from her body and singed her own eyebrows had spread to Vhenadahl. The tree was burning.

The scene before Niamh and Solas dissolved and they were suddenly inside a home. Niamh’s home as she remembered it.  A wizened man with long hair tied back into a braid clicked his tongue and paced about the small room. The young girl was cradled in the arms of a woman that looked so much like Niamh, only her eyes were dark brown instead of green. A man with blond hair and green eyes sat beside them with an arm draped protectively around them both.

“Hahren, you cannot possibly be suggesting that we send her to the Circle,” the blond man said, “Not here! With her spirit, she will be made Tranquil as soon as she is of age.”

“I’m sorry Hahren, I didn’t mean to burn down Vhenadahl. I don’t want to leave,” Little Niamh whimpered in her mother’s arms, large tears forming in her eyes as she rubbed the burn marks on her hands and  face

“Shh da’vhenan,” her mother soothed her as she ran delicate fingers through her hair, “We know it was an accident.”

“Accident or not, it has still placed our people in grave danger, Dasha,” the Hahren spoke, a pained look contorting his face. “We have to act to keep her safe, to keep us all safe.”

The scene faded away once again again leaving Solas and Niamh in a quiet forest. Niamh shook her head and wiped a tear from her eye. She had stopped the memories herself. That had been quite enough.  

“Mother knew of a Dalish clan called Lavellan that frequented the northern Free Marches,” she explained, “She, Father, and the Hahren all thought it would be kinder to send me with them than to let the Templars take me.”

“They seem to be very wise people who cared for you a great deal.”

“They should have let the Templars take me,” Niamh argued, fists clenched at her side, “It was my fault.”

“What was your fault, vhenan,” Solas asked, an undertone of concern in his voice as he moved forward and placed his hands on her shoulders. Niamh hoped she could control her emotions. She did not wish to immolate him. At least not this time.

“The smoke from the burning tree alerted the shemlen authorities, and they sent guards and Templars to the Alienage” Niamh explained, “Soon after I left with Keeper Deshanna, they began interrogating everyone. Eventually, one of the kids who had been teasing me that day confessed. The shem… they condemned the entire Alienge for so-called crimes against the Chantry. My parents and the Hahren were convicted of higher crimes and formally and publicly executed. I found out months later when Clan Lavellan stopped to trade in Tantervale.”

She lost her composure and fell into Solas’ arms, her face pressing into his chest.  His arms tightened around her and he rest his chin on her head.

“Ir abelas,” he whispered into her hair.

“The shem razed the Alienage, burnt it to the ground. They killed them all, Solas, they killed them and it was my fault. Had I been there… maybe it would have just been me.” Niamh’s body shook with sobs as she clenched the fabric of Solas’ tunic tightly in her fingers.

“How can you be certain of that,” he questioned, pulling away from her to meet her eyes with his own frustrating pair. She hated how they saw right through her even now. “It seems that those who would slaughter an entire group of people over the accident of a child would do so regardless. Your family, your Hahren, they protected you from sharing their fate.”

Niamh nodded and looked down. He was probably right. He usually was.  A tug at her chin pulled her eyes back up to meet his again, his mouth curled into a slight smile.

“The word vhenan and the word vhenadahl share the same root,” he began.

“I don’t think this is the best time for a language lesson,” Niamh muttered through sniffs of her nose.

“Vhen,” Solas continued as if he had not heard her, “It refers to the elves, to your people.”

“I still fail to see how this is relevant, Solas.”

“City elves keep Vhenadahl to represent their people. They carry memories from times long past and they instill hope.”

“Yes, and I burned that to the ground. So much for hope,” Niamh retorted, still not sure how this little lecture was supposed to be comforting.

“Vhenan, the heart, the place of the people, serves the same purpose,” Solas explained, “ I have been trying to determine what exactly about you is different from others I have encountered, why I am so drawn to you.”

Niamh could feel the heat rising to her cheeks as he spoke.  She examined his eyes, his mouth.  She did not make herself stop this time.

“It is because you carry your people, those who so selflessly cared for you, here,” Solas places a hand in the center of her chest as he spoke, causing her breath to catch. “Memories are powerful things.  You are who you are because they are with you always. You are Dalish, and you are more.”

A single tear trailed down her cheek as their eyes met again. The gravity of his words was overshadowed by the ever increasing awareness she had of his hand on her chest.  She looked down at that hand, and she felt his gaze follow. When she looked back up at him, there was something different in his eyes. She could not tell what it was.

His eyes did not matter for long as she closed the small distance between them and crushed her lips against his, tears flowing freely down her face. She was overwhelmed with emotion, both from painful memories and her present longing for Solas’ comfort.

She half expected him to pull away from her as he always did, but he didn’t. He pushed, pushed until he was as close to her as she could imagine him being, until she felt her back press against a nearby tree.

His eyes, his mouth, and now his hands, brushing skillfully across her as if she were one of his paintings. She could think of nothing else.

And then it stopped. Solas pulled away from her, brows furrowed, head shaking. She reaches out for him, but he recoiled further.

“What’s wrong,” she asked, pain present in her voice.

“It would be inappropriate to continue, no matter how much I desire to ,” Solas said with a sigh, “I would not take advantage of your vulnerability.

“You aren’t taking advantage of anything,” she said urgently longing for the return of his touch, “You are comforting me.”

Solas smiled weakly and answered “I do not wish to take advantage of my own vulnerability either. There is something about you that affects me deeply. Outside of the Fade it is indescribable. Here, it is maddening.”

“I—” Niamh began, but stopped when she realized she knew that feeling. It was the same infuriating confusion she experienced around him. It made her do stupid, impulsive things. Well, it made her do even more stupid and impulsive things than she did on her own.

“I wish to be intimate with you vhenan, very much,” he reassured her as he moved close to her once again, placing a quick kiss on her lips, “But I would prefer that both our minds be clear.”

Niamh nodded to show that she understood, and Solas turned to walk away in his typical fashion. She grabbed his arm abruptly and he stopped, looking back at her curiously.

“Please stay,” she asked, “I- I don’t want to be alone right now, after everything.”

“Ma nuvenin,” Solas agreed with a small chuckle as he returned to her side, intertwining his fingers with hers, “Let us go somewhere less… grim.”

“Yes, let’s,” she said, relieved, allowing him to lead her by the hand, away from the dark forest and burning Alienage, away from unpleasant memories and guilt that would never truly leave her. For the moment she could enjoy his company. Perhaps she could even allow herself to notice the way his eyes seemed to light up when they looked at her, how his mouth moved when he spoke of times long past, and how his hand felt against hers, if only for a moment.

[calliecat93]

ST: TNG S5 Watchthrough Episodes 2-5

Darmok: AKA, The Arena 2.0. Albeit the only similarity is that the captain and an alien get transported onto a barren planet with the Enterprise struggling to save him. While Kirk and the Gorn got forced by a God entity to fight, Picard and the other being, Dathon, look like they’re going to… but in actuality, they have a much more diplomatic interaction. There’s also a unique issue: the language barrier. The Tamarians essentially speak in metaphors that no one can understand, which with Picard missing… well it’s causing issues for The Enterprise who are about ready to go into battle. If we're gonna repeat episode ideas, I think that this is a good way to do it. Use a similar set-up, but do something different. In this case, Picard makes an effort to figure the Tamarian language out, at least enough to allow some form of communication. Like when Picard talks to Dathon after he’s been injured to learn more about him? That was a nice scene. Showing one trying to understand the other despite the obvious communication issues, and it is this effort and understanding that ultimately allows Picard to save the day before bloodshed can occur between the two sides. It was hard to keep up with at points because I could not at all understand what The Tamarians were saying and I’m far too slow to pick it up like Picard did. There’s a small, petty part of me bummed about having no people in cheap lizard costumes, but it was still a good episode. Certainly a much calmer one than Redemption which offers a nice cool-down from the premiere. It’s not as exciting as The Arena, but still a nice change of pace… but seriously, bring back the Gorn one day ST, and you better use the cheap costumes if you do! 3.5/5.

Ensign Ro: Alright, I’ve heard some about this one and I know that The Bajorans are gonna be a bigger deal in DS9. So Ensign Ro has been assigned to the Enterprise… but no one’s really happy about it as she had both been court-martialed and only recently released from prison. But they need her as the Bajorans are rebelling against The Cardassian Empire, yep those guys from The Wounded are back again. The treaty allows the Federation o act on behalf of the Bajorans, but that does nothing to ease the tensions between Ro and the Enterprise staff. So… one, Riker is an asshole in this episode. I mean making Ro take off her earring due to Starfleet uniform code… despite Worf being able to wear his sash (IDK the official name of it) that is clearly signifying his Klingon heritage and Troi having three regular outfits that she switches between, none of which are the standard uniform. Is it a seniority thing? Yeah IDK what that scene was about except as a tension builder, but way to be a hypocritical asshole Riker. But to be fair, Ro isn’t exactly the nicest person either. She’s very cynical, anti-social, aloof, and brutally honest, a huge contrast to the usually hopeful, optimistic cast. But as the episode goes on and when Guinan starts talking to her, it becomes clear why she is the way that she is. We learn about the horrors that the Bajorans have endured due to the Cardassians, Ro being used by an asshole admiral to give weapons to terrorists, and how it all caused Ro to feel ashamed of her own heritage and her struggle to settle it even after realizing that she shouldn’t feel that way. Needless to say, Ro has some pretty good reasons to be as she is, and she ultimately was trying to help her people and broke the admiral's orders when she found out that things weren’t on the level. Ro’s a really interesting character and I’m glad that Picard came around to her and allowed her to stay on the Enterprise, even allowing her to wear her Bajoran earring again. Hopefully, everyone else comes around as well. But yeah,t his was good! A good female character, the introduction of the conflict between the Bajorans and Cardassians, and an overall good plot. Again, I hate how much of an ass Riker and some of the others were to Ro with none of them ever asking her side of how she got court-martialed, but still, it was good~! 4/5.

Silicon Avatar: You all remember The Crystalline Entity? The one from Datalore? The being that killed a whole bunch of people because of Lore and would have killed everyone on the Enterprise had Lore not been beamed into space? Yep, they never actually defeated the thing so… it’s back. After it ravages a colony (thankfully all but two citizens survive), the Enterprise calls in Dr. Marr, who has studied the Entity, to help… but she has her own personal intentions for studying it. She is mean to Data, but it’s less because he’s an android and more because of his connection to Lore though she does loosen up fairly quickly. This is very much a revenge tale. Marr lost her son to the Crystalline Entity, and she has been trying to find him. way to kill it once and for all. We’ve seen this kind of story before, but hey that doesn’t mean it can’t be good, and bringing the Crystalline Entity isn’t a bad idea either. The sadness of Marr is done we'll and when Data read back a journal entry of her son’s in his voice... God that was just sad. Then... let’s talk about the moral debate. Marr wants to kill the Entity due to the devastation it keeps causing and to avenge her son… but Picard wants to try and communicate with it. Now I do understand what they’re trying to do and to an extent, I agree with it. The Entity may very well just be some kind of mindless animal just doing what it has to do to survive. Or it may indeed have its own thoughts and consciousness. Maybe it doens’t even realize the horrors it causes or the difference between right and wrong. If they could communicate, maybe they could understand it more and find a way to resolve the matter and stop the devastation peacefully. I certainly see what Picard is getting at… it’s just that along with no one considering that plan back in Datalore, the Entity IS still causing countless deaths and if Picard is wrong, they may very well die. But Marr takes matters into her hands, thus meaning that we’ll never know and that may be the true tragedy of the episode. Was Marr right to do what she did? It’s certainly hard to blame her, but she also cost what could have been valuable progress and knowledge. Either way, she was a heartbroken mother who wanted to avenge her son, and it only lead to a sad life that her son would have never wanted her to have. She accomplished her goal… but what now? The moral debate could have been handled better, but still a fine episode. 3/5.

Disaster: They were on-point with that title, though ‘Utter Insanity’ would have also been acceptable. So let’s just run down the list. The Enterprise has a power failure and it results in multiple insane scenarios. Picard is both injured and stuck with children on the Turbolift, Worf is stuck in Ten-Forward with a pregnant Keiko giivng birth, Crusher and Goerdi are stuck in cargo, Riker and Data try to get to Engineeirng, an Troi is stuck in Command as the only senior officer still alive on the Bridge. Yeah, it’s a wild episode. I really like the idea though. It’s essentially a Bottle Episode, but still uses various sets and uses the power outage plot to create a lot of chaotic scenarios. Most of them are really good. I liked Picard with the kids, which is as awkward as you’d expect it to be (albiet he’s over his asshole phase so it’s not as bad but still awkward) and, dare I say it, really cute! Worf having to play midwife was hilarious. I feel bad for poor Keiko, but still hilarious. The Data/Riker and Crusher/Geordi plots were also pretty nice. The only plot that I felt wasn’t that great was the Troi plot. Honestly… she shouldn’t have been given command, senority or not. She’s a counselor/psychologist, not a commanding officer. I’d have just had Ro and O’Brein stuck together and forced to take command of the Bridge. Not only were their interactions actually pretty interesitng to watch, but they clealry knew what they were doing faaaaar better than Troi did. I get they were trying to show her out of her element and apparently they do take this and use it as character development later from what I read, and her choosing not to seperate the ship incase others are alive even though it could lead to more death is very much IC for her. But it makes Troi, Ro, and O’Brien all look like idiots for putting Troi in a position thats she is unqualified for with her not at all arguign against this and the other two not pointing it out either even when she outright says that she doesn’t know certian protocals. Heck if they wanted to keep Troi on the Brdge, have Ro and O’Brein bickering Spock/McCoy style (which the they did a FAR better job emulaitng that here than when they tried with Pulaski and Data) and Troi playing peacemaker and putitng her counsling skills to good use. That’s right folks… Troi could have been Captain Kirk for a day XD That aside, I really enjoyed this! I liked seeing everyone out of their element, they made effective use of a power outage plot, and while no means perfect it was still fun~! Oh and O’Brein and Keiko have a baby girl now, yay~!!! 4/5.

Alright, we’re off to a decent start. So next round we have Wesley returning… but far more importantly, SPOCK IS COMING BACK FOR A TWO-PARTER! I’M SO EXCITED~!!! But for now, five episode down, 21 to go.

[thornstocutyouwith]

|| The Basics ||    Name: Calypso Piper Hisoka    Nickname(s): Caly( Only by family) Age: 12/18-30 (Depending) ➥Birthday: September 17, 2152  ➥Birthplace: New York            ➥Sign: Virgo                 Moon: Taurus                   Mercury: Libra                          Venus:                                 Mars: Nationality: Half Japanese- Half American Hometown: New York Current Residence: Living with his family/Homeless. Occupation: Student/Bounty Hunter Income: $0-$10,000 ( roughly) Talents/Skills: Yo-yo tricks, playing the guitar, playing the piano, lying, sorting things, playing the drums, martial arts, hiding, singing,tracking, lockpicking, stage Magic, acting. Salary: None Birth order: Youngest Child. Gender: Male ➥Preferred Pronouns: He, him, his Sexual Preference: Unknown    Species: Human Intelligence Level: 113 MBTI: ISTP     Introvert(44%) Sensing(1%) Thinking(25%) Perceiving(61%) You have moderate preference of Introversion over Extraversion (44%) You have marginal or no preference of Sensing over Intuition (1%) You have moderate preference of Thinking over Feeling (25%) You have distinct preference of Perceiving over Judging (61%). {Bio} (Coming eventually)        || Personal & Relationships||    Relationship skills: Aware of his own Feelings, Self sufficiency, resilience, acceptance, doesn't like to be touched or handled by people he doesn't know. Parents: Drama and Ashlin  Status: Unknown how he feels about them. Siblings: Lucy and Lucas Status: Strained, mostly because he's blackmailing them for their incest activities. Significant Others: Unknown (9) Ex-Significant Others: Unknown ( 9) Children: None Best Friends: Unknown( 3) Pets: None Rivals: Unknown Enemies: Unknown ( A lot) Education: High School ( Dropped out a few months before graduation) Strengths:  Creativity, Curiosity, Bravery, Zest, social intelligence, playfulness, forceful, spontaneous, adventurous, independent, creative. Weaknesses: Obstructive, Pushy, Loose-tongued, Undisciplined, Sloppy, Aggressive, Chaotic, Vague, Reckless, arrogant, selfish. Introvert or Extrovert?: Introvert How does the character deal with anger?: Usually by taking it out on other things or people, mostly other things. ➥With sadness?: He'll go into hiding.    ➥With conflict?: He tries to avoid it, but when he can't, he make sure to end it.         ➥With change?: He's fine with change, out with the old and all that.                 ➥With loss?:  He can't stand thinking of losing anyone. He will break down if he's particularly close to the person. But he tries not to get too close to people. What does the character want out of life? To just do what he wants to, really. What would the character like to change in his/her life? Probably that he's strayed too far away from his family, that he hardly even knows them in adulthood. What motivates this character? Getting money, having freedom, having fun, taking risks. What frightens this character? The dark, Ghosts, falling, animals. What makes this character happy? Books, music, risks, video games, candy. Is the character judgmental of others? Yes. Is the character generous or stingy? He is stingy. Is the character generally polite or rude? He is rude. Who were they in school? The energetic mute. Occupation they wanted as a child: To be in a band. Living conditions growing up: Middle Living conditions now: Poor Criminal Record: Breaking and entering, theft, stealing cars, assault, reckless endangerment of an underage child, illegal use of explosives, drugs, driving and drinking, fleeing a cop, identity theft, illegal hacking. How does Character see himself/herself? Reckless, brave, cunning,  smart How does Character believe he/she is perceived by others? Worthless and stupid. How self-confident is the character? Pretty self-confident. Does the character seem ruled by emotion or logic or some combination thereof? Emotions, for the most part. What would most embarrass this character? Having to show his softer side in public. Morality (Bold One Per Section): Lawful / Neutral / Chaotic ||| Good / Gray / Evil - You are 47.2% Evil. You are 64.1% Chaotic.    Religious Belief: None Glasses or contact lenses?: Glasses Character Tropes: Catalyst Hero, Trickster, Fool, Shadow, The Child, The Hermit, The Devil, The Priest, Addict, Monkey, Dragon, Clown, Beggar, Destroyer, Detective, Visionary.    Primary Goals In Life: Following his dreams and being free to do what he wants with his life. Character's short-term goals in life: Not dying. Getting cash from bounty's. Sex. Threatening to expose his siblings incest. Character's long-term goals in life: Visiting other countries. Exposing his siblings incest to their parents.    Languages Known: English, Japanese    Secrets: He knows about his brother and sister's incest. He is a sex addict. As well as a sadist, a sexual sadist ( On occasion). He killed one of his girlfriends.  Hates cats. Loves watching children's tv shows, still. Most of the things that happened to him at school. Is a sexual deviant. ( more will be added later. ) Deepest secret: Has a journal of his fears and secrets. Biggest fear: Fear of being bound. (Merinthophobia) Happiest memory: The day he got his first electric guitar. Loneliest moment: When one of his teachers removed him from class and told him he would grow up to be worthless and stupid, then just let him sitting in the hall.    Quirks/Mannerisms/Habits: Is a habitual liar and has made up a family that does not exist. Eats like a child even as an adult. Believes in ghosts. Obsessed with children's Cartoons. Shows up unannounced. Always steals the sweets. Has a leather fetish. Is embarrassed of their family heritage. Takes food off other people's plates without asking. Does not like to share hygiene items like hairbrushes, chap-stick, or razors. Keeps a marker on them at all times so they can draw weird things in public restrooms. Has unresolved childhood issues. Is constantly found only partially dressed. Has a weakness for games of chance. Never leaves home without wearing pants, but never wears pants while at home. Is scared of Neon colors. Always blows bubbles in to their drink when they have a straw, even as an adult. Has attempted voodoo. Dresses as a vampire at every costume party, fancy dress party, Halloween, and formal event. Makes paperclip jewelry. Won't drink without a straw. Has had sex with more people than they have seriously dated. Cannot sleep while in the vicinity of a cat. Gets lost all the time. Colors their hair crazy colors every other week. Likes to file their fingernails to sharp points because it makes them feel more dangerous. Is totally responsible for everything that goes wrong. Knows that they are being watched (by the readers). Has an accent that no one knows how to place. Is a heavy sleeper. Thinks cats can see their soul. Sneezes uncontrollably whenever someone talks about cats, reads something about them, or looks at illustrations of any type featuring them, but has no allergy to interacting with the animal itself. Is left-handed, but tries to pass as being right-handed. Wears either mismatched socks or shoelaces. Has a tendency of laughing at the most inappropriate times. Is double-jointed. Treats all of their friends like they are personal evil minions. Goes to the gym at 3am because 'That's when the ghost is there.' Wears removable tattoos. Steals things from people they think need to be punished for something. Has very bad taste in relationships. Talks in their sleep. Eye-rolling, Potty mouth, Snapping fingers, Stuttering, Toying with objects before them, binge drinking, smokes, eats a lot of sugar, is addicted to video games, Still plays with children's toys, clubbing, picks at mouth with his tongue. Loves anime.    Savvies: Music, Tech, Fact, Media Style (Elegant, shabby etc.): Rebel, Punk, Goth, Steampunk, Cosplay. How does he/she dress?: Mostly black or dark yet colorful colors on normal days. Usually with purposefully placed tears in the pants and such, and risky looking outfits. Loves mesh, baggy, tight fitting and/or leathery clothing. Hobbies: Playing the electric guitar, piano and drums. Singing. Hunting bounties for cash. Boardgames. Gambling. Chess. Cosplaying. Crafts. Keeping a journal. Learning an instrument. Legos. Modeling. Origami. Reading. Videogame's. Renaissance Faire. Writing Music/songs. Speech patterns: Accented, mellow, chilled, stuttering. Disabilities: Dyslexic, Epileptic. Greatest flaw: Being a risk taker. Best quality: Easily figuring out and controlling a situation. Illnesses/Allergies/Allergic/exe: Seizures, Migraines Addictions: Drugs, Alcohol, Sex, Food.        || Physical ||    Hair Colour: Light Brown Eye Colour: Bright blue Skin Colour: Tan Body Modifications: Has several ear piercing, tongue piercings, lip piercings and chest and lower. Build: Slender / Scrawny / Bony / Fit / Athletic / Herculean / Babyfat / Pudgy / Obese / Other    Height: 6′9″    Weight: 146 Health: Very low Distinguishing features: his ears a slightly pointed. Has very, very faint freckles over the bridge of his nose. Scars/Birthmarks: Has several birthmarks on his body, on under his left eye, another two on the right side of his face, five on his back, one inside his ear, and three on his left arm. Along with those, are several scars from his recklessness as a child, one of which cuts down on the nostril of the right side of his nose.  Another on his neck and four on his shoulder.  As well as a ton on his knee's and legs.    Abilities/Powers: Prophecy Construction    Restrictions: He hasn't unlocked his powers fully yet, if at all really. The power triggers sever seizures that incapacitate him and prevent him from learning how to use his powers at the current moment. And this will continue to happen in the foreseeable future, even if he is able to figure out the easiest part of it, that is the prophetic visions he receives while having a seizure. This power also has other unknown effects and restrictions to him.   || Favorites ||    Favorite Food: Candy    Favorite Drink: Koolaid    Favorite Pizza Topping: Taco    Favorite Color:  Steel Blue    Favorite Music Genre: Punk/rock    Favorite Book Genre: Dystopian    Favorite Movie Genre: Fantasy    Favorite Season: Fall    Favorite Butt Type: Firm    Favorite Swear Word: Fuck    Favorite Scent: Cookies Favorite Sayings: " I may not be there, But I am closer than I was yesterday." “That’s what people do who love you. They put their arms around you and love you when you’re not so lovable.” “I’ve lived in darkness a long time. Over the years my eyes adjusted, until the dark became my world and I could see.” “Sometimes it feels better not to talk. At all. About anything. To anyone.” “My silence holds a plethora of syllables I am too afraid to say.”“They call you heartless; but you have a heart and I love you for being ashamed to show it.” " And every time I look at you, it hurts." "First of all, you don't know me. Second of all, you don't me." “Life is wonderful. It’s a gift to be alive, to see the sun and breathe the air. And there isn’t really anything else.”    Favorite Quote:   “Knowledge is not made for understanding; it is made for cutting.”        || Fun Stuff ||    “Boss” Theme Music: Love The Way You Hate Me/ Hand Grenade/ Hiding Place /    Bottom or Top:  Top    Loud Burper Or Soft Burper: Loud    Sings In The Shower: Yes / No    Likes Bad Puns: Yes / No Sins: Lust / Greed / Gluttony / Sloth / Pride / Envy / Wrath Virtues: Chastity / Charity / Temperance / Diligence / Humility / Kindness / Patience / Justice Hogwarts House: Gryffindor Element: Darkness Big5: Openness Jugian: INFP ( Alternative Type) MOTIV: Offbeat (Materialist 45% 54% Offbeat 81% 48% Thinking 21% 51% Intimate 21% 56% Vital 50% 54%) Left/Right Brain: Right