#and knowing when to stop and step away
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remembering the trenches of FF .net where the only warning you get is a single letter rating, the genre, and the author's kindness to give a warning of the fic's content
"Rated M for violence" and it's paragraph after paragraph of gore and whump and straight up play by play torture scenes
"there's some lemon in there" and it's the most detailed and explicit sex scene with numerous untagged kinks
,,,,14yo me just rolled with it lmaoooo
good times hehe
You wouldn’t last an hour in the asylum where they raised me

#🦐:ramblings#🦐:personal#ooohhh boi i think i still have some of the fics i used to read there...#i'll get to those later#i think i built up some sort of immunity lmao#to just brace yourself for any unexpected surprises in media#and knowing when to stop and step away#queue queue train
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It actually breaks my heart how many lost and escaped cats don't get found for months or years or ever because cats being outside is so normal that no one even questions it. A dog that's running around loose will usually get caught and returned to their family or at least brought to a shelter, but cats don't get a second look even if they're wearing collars.
If you have an indoor cat, consider keeping them collared with a tag that clearly states they are indoors-only and should be returned home.
#this is weird to talk about but a few weeks ago i stopped by my boss's house to drop something off on the steps#and there was a cat on the steps!#and he ran away at first but then flopped down for pets and happily accepted being picked up#so instead of just ignoring him and moving on i knocked on my boss's door#and the sheer naked relief on her face when she saw him made bothering her worth it#he had slipped out the door earlier and she had no idea he was waiting outside because he didn't know to cry for the door to be opened#so yeah. sometimes cats outside are dearly loved indoor kitties whose families want them back
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The soul of Wicked is randomly inventing extremely elaborate relationships between characters who barely interact at all in canon. Also Fiyero is here.
#I am never drawing Fiyero that detail again but I must admit he is slaying#Also double jointed Fiyero feels so obvious but ive never heard anyone else say it#wicked#wicked movie#wicked 2024#wizard of oz#oz books#land of oz#fiyero tigelaar#boq woodsman#wicked boq#general jinjur#art#digital art#fanart#OK so initially the thought was just that Jinjur had Boq basically kidnapped as a court jester for her amusement#I needed to figure out where to put him since Wicked ends so differently from the book and we dont really know where he goes after the movi#And. Ill be honest having him kidnapped by yet another female dictator felt cosmically funny. Man cannot stop getting into situations.#also it felt mildly less depressing then the other option which was him rotting alone in the woods until people found him#At first it was just gonna be like ooooo she treats him bad and yells go white boy go and threatens to rust him into a statue if he doesnt#Which is still basically accurate. But then I read something on her wiki. And I realized. She is a munchkin too.#That combined with the hc that munchkins have big families meant the next step was obvious. I. should make them related.#They are cousins and Boq feels kinda responsible for not saving her like he promised he would even tho he was just a kid#and he kinda didnt have that option when he was running away to Shiz#So like even tho the whole dictator thing is kinda giving him flashbacks he wants to make sure she doesnt become another Nessa 'cause of hi#Also idk if her age was ever actually stated in the book but I was under the impression she was a teenager just a little older than Tip
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A Jayroy fic where Jade drops off baby Lian and they just.. retire.
There’s a really difficult conversation they have about dating and raising a kid and vigilante work and they decide screw it. It’s not safe to raise a kid around.
And by retire, I mean they disappear. Go to ground.
(Talia knows what it is to want the best for your child even if they have different opinions on what best is. She gets them off the grid and funded in some sort of suburban hellscape that takes the both of them a while to adjust to. They say they have a deep space mission and just, don’t come back.)
Roy works in a rehab clinic and Jason gets a degree in Literature. He becomes a professor at a small college, taking on graduate students and falling into academia.
They go to therapy, the make friends with other parents, they become normal people. And they have an insane security system for their house, and AI that scrapes cameras of their faces, and a modified basement that Roy compares to the Batcave exactly once that has a gym and space to work on equipment and a method of escape should it be necessary to uproot their lives again.
Because they want to be civilians, but that doesn’t mean that if their past lives come knocking, they’ll be caught unaware and too out of the game to defend themselves. In fact, because they don’t go on patrol, they’re at peak performance at all times and rarely injured more than a sprained wrist or paper cut. Gone are the days of concussions, GSWs, and stab wounds.
The superhero community doesn’t know what to do, what to think. Because all of their resources are expended elsewhere. And because space is a big place, and trying to find two humans in its vastness is an exercise in futility.
So Lian grows up normally. She’s a girl whose parents love her. And her problems are ordinary, like homework and sleepovers and playing soccer.
And when she’s in middle school, the same age as Roy and Jason were when they started superhero training, they tell her about their past lives. About the danger it will bring if they’re found. Because they promised never to lie to her, and to never let her get wrapped up in the vigilante scene.
They’re well adjusted people raising a normal daughter.
And they explain to Lian that they came from very large and complicated families. Families that did dangerous work, work that put anyone who knew about it at risk. And that Lian was a baby, and that all of that risk of their jobs, was not worth her life. That they loved her more than their families, their jobs, their previous lives. But that it meant they could be discovered, and that those old lives would be dragged back up again and she could get hurt.
Lian thinks of it like witness protection.
So Lian memorizes code names and pictures of people that may try and approach her. She learns the differences between friendlies and uglies. Between ex-family, and rogues. And she doesn’t ask questions, doesn’t look into things when her parents ask her not to. Because she trusts them to protect her. She trusts them like a well adjusted young girl who could very well ask her parents for more information, but doesn’t care about the answers because she trusts they’re not important. That it doesn’t change how much they love her or what their lives are.
There are a couple of versions of this:
1. Jason, Roy and Lian live out their lives happily and away from their families. They are never again vigilantes or found out by them.
A) Alfred dies and that is the only thing that almost breaks Jason, that he didn’t get to see the man again before he died.
2. The Bats track them down, ask them what they hell they were thinking, that they thought they were dead. To come home, be part of the family again. They’re told no - and the three of them disappear again to somewhere they’ll never be found.
3. Alfred finds them, says nothing to anyone and once a year, on Lian’s birthday, goes to visit. None of the Bats ever figure it out.
4. Alfred knows where they’re going from the beginning, he keeps them updated on their families and helps hide them from everyone. He never once tells a soul that Jason and Roy are alive. He is allowed to visit Lian sometimes and they are all happier for it.
A) When Alfred gets old enough, he tells Bruce he will be retiring. He asks that he is not followed, that no one from the super hero community is allowed to keep tabs on him. He tells him he’s sorry, but that it has to be this way. Alfred goes and lives the end of his life with Jason, they speak about literature every day, about Alfred’s parents about anything he wants to. Jason buries Alfred in England and Bruce Wayne gets an unmarked alert to its location.
5. The Bats find them, and never approach them. Each Bat basically figures out that Jason is alive, doesn’t say anything to the rest of the family, and keeps tabs on him and Roy. Once they realize that Lian exists, none of them ever breach that level of trust, even as they all grow into old age and move on with their lives.
6. Bruce finds them.
A) He waits for Jason in a cafe, watches him realize who he is and turn to look at the Roy Harper, who nods once and walks away. Jason approaches him and sits down. He asks how he found them. Bruce doesn’t say anything, just looks at his son, alive, seemingly happy. Tells him it was an accident, he had genuinely still thought they were in space, maybe dead, until someone plagiarized Jason’s work, submitted it through a Wayne Enterprises competition of some sort, and it flagged the system. It had been entirely work related, pure coincidence. No capes.
B) And Jason laughs and it’s lighter than Bruce has heard it in years. Jason asks how much Bruce knows about him now, how much intel he gathered before approaching him. Bruce says he knows about their marriage, their daughter, their jobs and habits. Jason nods and he’s smiling. Bruce doesn’t know what to do. He had checked the area, and there were no reports of anything approaching vigilantism, no anonymous casework, no decrease in crime, nothing to suggest the presence of the Red Hood and Arsenal. He hasn’t spoken to Jason outside of business in years, isn’t sure he knows how to anymore. And he looks happy, he’s alive, he’s a civilian.
C) He wants to ask him everything, ask him to come home, wants to know the man his son became. He asks Jason why. Why they disappeared. And Jason is still smiling and it’s honest and Bruce can’t stand to look at him and can’t help it either. So Jason tells him that they will never let their daughter into vigilantism. That they quit, and needed it to be absolute. That he and Roy couldn’t do this halfway, that if they loved their daughter they had to do only what was best for her, and that meant burning their old lives entirely, becoming civilians.
D) Their lives had been too complicated, too many people, too much history. So many ways for things to go badly, to leave Lian without parents or get her killed as leverage against them. And for as much as he and Roy had cared about the people in their lives, couldn’t stop caring about them, they knew that they would just drag Lian into all of the emotional problems that come with being a vigilante. That it wasn’t healthy, for any of them. That trying to do so would kill them. So they disappeared. And Bruce thinks of the pain he and his family had gone through over Jason, wondering how he was doing, if he was dead, hearing nothing and trying not to let it eat at them. But right now, his son is in front of him smiling, something he can’t seem to stop doing. Something Bruce never thought he’d see again.
E) And he has a son in law, a granddaughter. His son has a family, one he built himself. He looks healthy, he’s not closed off, he’s more open than Bruce thinks he’s ever seen him. It’s jarring, like Bruce is wrong footed. He doesn’t know what to say. Wants to tell him about everything that’s happened, to his brothers to their family, to Gotham and old contacts. Wants him back in the loop. Wants to ask about their lives, and college, and his wedding and his daughter. Bruce wants to know all of it. And he wants to know how he did it, how he hid himself so well in plain view.
F) And the detective in him will always prioritize the how over everything else. He wouldn’t be Bruce if he didn’t. So Bruce asks how. And Jason laughs, says he’s not going to tell him.
G) You know I can’t tell you that, old man.
H) He can’t let it go, Bruce can never let anything go, that’s his burden to bear. He tries to push old buttons, doesn’t notice he’s doing it. But Jason won’t stop smiling, won’t switch from civilian to vigilante. There is no trace of anger, of the Red Hood. He doesn’t look surprised and Bruce’s arguments, about flaws in his code, software, he’s just smiling. Won’t rise to the bait. And for once, Bruce has a feeling he’s only felt around Clark. A feeling of being outmatched. Jason knows all of his buttons, isn’t pushing a damn one. Isn’t letting Bruce push his either. It’s not even a stalemate. Bruce has no openings.
I) He starts telling him about his brothers, about missions and life developments. He tries to tell Jason everything. And Jason listens, hears everything he has to say. And Bruce asks him about himself, his life, his husband, his daughter. And he hears about NA and AA meetings, about therapy and raising an infant, and being a professor and his students about their friends and neighbors, about Lian’s friends at school. All of it. Except the how. And at some point, it’s been a couple of hours, but not very long at all, Jason gets a text. He doesn’t look at his phone. And Bruce knows that whatever spell had been cast over the cafe, whatever bubble of another universe he had crossed into, he was about to watch it close. Implode on itself with only him inside. Because Jason was about to leave. All of it, the cafe, the conversation, the smiling and the laughter, it was the one distraction that Bruce was liable to. And Jason has him right where he wanted him. It was something that wouldn’t work twice, and they both knew it.
J) And Jason says, I can’t stop you from telling anyone. I can’t stop any of you from looking for us, but this was the third life of mine that you ended. Of the two of us, I would go to greater lengths to protect my daughter. I am asking you not to make me do something you’ll regret. I am asking you not to look for us, not to tell anyone, not to put it in a report. I did not want to hurt you, any of you. And you have made that unavoidable. I know you, Bruce, and I have spent time healing from everything I’ve been through. I cannot allow you to pull me back into it, to pull the three of us back into your world. I know that this conversation won’t stop you, now that you know. So I’m sorry, I didn’t want to have to say this. I know who you are, who all of you are. It was never a question before, that I would keep your secrets. If you look for us, I will go public. It’s not just your life I’ll be placing at risk, it will be the entire league. I will burn every bridge, every alias. I have redundancies in place, you send a super my way you better be sure to send them all. You better be sure you’ve caught all my backups, all of Roy’s backups, everything. We have avoided you for years without triggering any of your, or the league’s, systems. I can’t predict another accident, but if you know what is best for you and everything you’ve built, you will prevent even that from happening. Do not force my hand.
K) Bruce stands, trying to memorize his son’s face. And then Jason is gone. Disappearing down a street and out of sight. And Roy is waiting for him, their house had been cleared of all traces, Talia has new lives set up for them and Lian is asleep in the backseat.
L) Their lives are busy for the next few weeks, traveling and covering their tracks and looking for new methods of being traced. And they change their names, change their lives, are prepared for the upheaval of being new people again. This time, it sticks. They watch Lian graduate school, college, get married, have children of her own. And the media is inescapable - they learn very little about their old families lives, but not nothing. There are funerals and weddings and probably so much more in private, things they will never know, never be part of again. And then they’re just old and together. Their grandkids visit, Lian visits, life is good and long and they are happy.
• Or, it sticks until one day, a spell is cast in Gotham and he’s standing on a rooftop, no mask, identity on full display, surrounded by other vigilantes in mixed states of gear and civilian status. Some being or other from another universe required all hands on deck in this universe and had used a spell to summon them all here.
• Jason spotted Roy appearing near him on the rooftop, both of them stunned. No one had noticed them yet, but their moment of indecisiveness and a moment of pure awareness on the Batfam’s part, meant there would be an inescapable confrontation. Batman seemed to notice them first and looked to Jason, who shook his head. It appeared Batman was trying to talk to the person who had summoned them all here, to argue they should be sent back or ask if it was possible.
• Jason moved himself and Roy towards Batman, doing their best to avoid looking at any of the other vigilantes at all, including but especially family. They walked into a tense conversation.
• You must send them back, they are civilians.
• Batman, you of all people understand the threat we are up against, if the spell believes they are necessary to combat X then they were brought here.
• I understand perfectly well, I am telling you to send them back. Having them here is a security risk, not during the fight, but after. This is not your universe, things are different in ways you can’t know of, this is one of those circumstances.
• Jason and Roy approach, Roy tapping his shoulder in a way that means he’ll follow his lead.
• He announces, You are in violation of the Hempstead agreement. You have one hour to return us to our previous location before we are a security risk.
• They can hear intakes of breath around them, some of the arrow clan and bat clan have approached, uncertain of what exactly is happening, but not comforted by the fact that Batman seems to understand the situation without telling any of them. The argument continues, Jason standing just behind Roy, separating him from the group slowly forming around them, people pushing their way to the center to see their son or brother again. Their friends.
• A decision is reached, It will take me 10 minutes to establish a connection strong enough to send them both through. Do not interrupt me while I prepare, follow me.
• And Jason and Roy are walking away, backs turned to their families. To their friends. There are shouts behind them, their names, other things they choose not to hear. It is all held at bay by Batman.
• They are speaking with the universe hopper, giving him a location to send them while clearly stating that he is not to give out that location to any of the vigilantes here, that violation of these terms will risk the hero community at large. The closer it gets to the ten minute mark, the more the riot behind them frays between silent understanding and desperation. Neither of them turns around, they can’t allow themselves to look. It is excruciating.
• Roy looks Jason in the eye and neither of them are fully able to stand it, but the fact that they’re not alone has to be enough. Jason can see the itch start, the overwhelming feeling that can’t be tolerated, the one that motivates people to seek out something that will just stop. He reaches out his hand, taps it against Roy’s and is met with one of the worst smiles he’s ever seen. It threatens to bring Jason to his knees, but Roy threads their hands together. The portal opens before them and without turning around, they step through.
• There is a shared panic attack, a moment of grief and regret where both of them realize just how greatly they hurt all of the people they used to care about. They break apart together and rebuild each other enough to pick up Lian from school and begin the process of torching their home. Whatever fight they had been summoned for had not happened yet, so they had a larger lead time than they had when Bruce had stumbled across them. But now, the entire hero community, many more points of being able to be convinced, was now aware they were both alive and on Earth.
#jason todd#batman#bruce wayne#redhood#roy harper#jayroy#royjay#arsenal#alfred pennyworth#retirement!au#i really think that the best way jason and roy could heal is to stop being vigilantes#that’s probably true for most of the heroes and vigilantes honestly if looking at a personal scale and not global#jason specifically is stuck in some toxic web of family and vigilantes where he can’t separate them#and he never got the time other kid heros did where they figured out who they were as they grew up jason got it dumped on him#and the distinct brand of hero judgement that comes from people trying to uphold morality being leveled at you when trying to stay sober#isn’t healthy for roy so honestly both of them need new support systems and time to learn how to cope away from life threatening traumas#i don’t know how to work in jade so either she’s exempt and can see lian or she makes talia promise she’ll be safe#i think talia would absolutely go to bat for jason against bruce in this and if bruce finds out he’s alive and they’re okay she’s in for#a worse screaming match then when he figured out she put his kid in the pit i can’t imagine his rage over her stepping in twice#but jason would absolutely appreciate it and roy would be nervous as hell meeting The Talia al Ghul
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sometimes I think a lil too hard about the greasers n 'we were boys together. don't that count for nothin at all?' n I get a lil sick to my stomach.
#somethin about growin up n growin out#n how in ten years the memory of their childhoods will run rampant n wild down the tusla streets#their cars will always echo down the roads by the tracks#long past when their tire marks have been tarred over#n they dont drag beaters n run red lights just to remind themselves theyre alive#you will always turn just slow enough to catch two boys peelin with laughter at jokes long forgotten n garbled with time#to catch someones wide open mouth n anothers dark shinin eyes#we were boys together#i dont know how to stop#i cant go back#n even if i could you wont be waitin on that porch step for me any longer#we arent 12 or 16 or skinnin knees n trippin through years as they fall away like socks lost in the washer#n those jeans on the way to the lake#or that jacket you loaned me#i dont fit it anymore#i wish i could go back#god#let me go back#the outsiders#ponyboy curtis#sodapop curtis#darry curtis#dallas winston#steve randle#johnny cade#two bit mathews
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(network effect/mbd spoilers)
Why am I even surprised. I sent privately again, ART, you asshole.
ART replied, only to me, It is safer. I’ve lost my crew, I won’t lose you.
Amena said, not helpfully, “Your face just got really weird. Are you all right?”
No, it was confusing. I was confused.
WAAAHHHHHHH THEY CARE ABOUT EACH OTHER SO MUCH……..
#mypost#aith reads mbd#not featured in this scene but i also adore when mb describes its response to something#(usually a human treating it with really sincere respect and care)#as ‘melting.’ me too buddy#get cared for!!!!!!!#also: when it gives NO description other than needing to step away from a situation so it can Have An Emotion.#which one? it also does not know!#i too needed to stop reading so i could Have An Emotion. (mostly to go ‘AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW’)
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All photos (and a gif) of these karate men in one place
#I am vibrating#I meant to post this when I woke this morning but a couple of photos were missing so it got stuck in drafts. and I got busy😫 dammit#yall don’t understand what this meeeeans to me#Im about to say something I’ve already said. i know i know. cant I stop the repititon? but bear with me#If I don’t get one scene of Johnny watching these dudes fight with a cold drink just enjoying the drama he’s caused with his pretty face#Daniel like: how dare you laugh at Mike’s idiotic jokes—#Mike: Idiotic? who the hell do you think you are?#Daniel: ‘sees’ Chozen…step away from him…#Chozen: wtf I didn’t even do anything#Johnny: ‘somehow now in a beach chair with an ice tea and summer clothes’#roster#cobra kai#karate kid#mike barnes#chozen toguchi
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I recently got diagnosed with autism. The doctor said I've been in autistic burnout for the past 5 years and im tipping into DPDR (she was right but its too late, my baseline has been aware but temporally fragmented. The new development is sometimes i feel 0 sensation)
The doctor said i can fix this if I unmask and do things like wear compression gear and noise cancelling
turn my devices to greyscale
Live in dim lighting
She gave me a lot of small tips and they were good at first but now I'm getting worse. I have days now where I'm too tired to stim, too tired to bathe, too tired for everything (except schoolwork for some reason) (all of these things I enjoy).
How do I fix it? I haven't had a hobby in 5 years. I don't want to be in burnout and I want to fix all of it. Does anyone have any tips? Anything at all? Theories? Fleeting thoughts? Hearsay?
The one thing I can't do is stop. I'm a graduate student and I'm working on thesis and papers. And also it's a secret. Or else I'll get brutally harassed and shunned (it's a very strange neighborhood)
#autism#actually autistic#i went online like my doctor said and the first thing i saw was euthanasia and i was like BRO 😭#i dont want that but thanks. any advice except giving up or killing myself. any tips please#im stuck in this self destructive loop where art is my connection to the world but skill regression and mental pain but i cant stop#thats why i wanted to get rid of the burnout. and then my body started physically shutting down. uh oh#my doctor is useless as hell. bro started yapping about how its so hard and poor me and how she couldnt ever be me#and i was like wtf i dont want to bond over autism. we are entirely different people. im just fine. could be better if i be better. help me#she didnt help so im planning to get rid of her. she offers me sympathy when i ask for solutions#this wouldnt be a problem in normal circumstances because i know what it means when someone performs this#but im lowkey kinda tweaking. also i paid her and she didnt give me practical advice except. drop out and live off my parents#my parents???? how do you know i have any? wtf is this advice i live alone because people set my nerves on fire these days#she told me ill die if i dont change my ways. i know what she implied but holy shit tell me how to fix it then#im scared for the first time in my life#ive done everything she said. im breaking the mask. i stim even in public. what else?#neurodivergent#autistic adult#autism struggles#i shutdown and i dont notice because im extremely low interoception. but im trying. now i remember to snap myself awake and check#and worst of all i still do everything im supposed to. i never miss any deadlines. i stepped down from lecturing for now.#my duties are at bare minimum. i dont think im missing anything obvious. i dont know how to be autistic and im fading away now#please help me. i still want to be a person. i dont want to dissappear. im watching it happen#but im doing what i was told.
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Love how carla went from 'hmm idk idkk I like her but this is so new haha uncharted waters I mean like' to 'DONT. GET. DRESSED' in a matter of minutes
#she's crazy shes insane for this one#okay but the way they both look at eachother to confirm that this is indeed what they both want#the absolute feral lust taking over#they way they both so desperately want this need this even#but deep down carla knows It'll be temporary#one small thing and the distance between them grows once more#when she hears the call from betsy she just knows its going to end#because lisa is so good at running away#and carla knows this. carla even spits it in her face she tells it like it is#and she just wants lisa to see that her words are truth and she can be happy and she wants to be happy and carla wants it to be with her#she cant keep running away she cant keep letting betsy dictate what she thinks is right for her#she needs to stop being a coward and just listen#carla knows it was over before it even started#but neither can actually keep away for long#their relationship has become too mutually dependent#and even through gritted teeth even while spitting vitriol carla will always always defend lisa#because its truly all she wants. for lisa to be happy and for betsy to step down from her red haze#just owch#coronation street#swarla#carla x lisa#carla connor#lisa swain#i love and hate these women and they will be the death of me
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dance macabre


let us have this dance of macabre!
strums of lullaby accompany our steps
spectators of all kinds eagerly waiting in silence
people of all race, of all ages
humans and fae alike, mingling into one
isn't this what you always long for, my dearest?

rub away your tears, if you would
look above, my dear!
look how the ceilings crumbled,
forging a path upon the starry skies
under the sea of stars shall we waltz with grace
one step forward, two steps back
a tango everyone desires

now then, don your brightest smiles!
as we are the prima donna of this palace
knightly boots replacing glass slippers
briars and thorns, prettier than roses
mere infatuations and lust desist,
only loyalty alone shall exist

hush now, dear
do not loathe me amidst parada
cease your sadness at once
bury your soul deep within one’s eyes
never let those speckles of aurora
be tarnished by the mere sight of carcass
for I have bestowed you the honor
of taking my hand for this dance

moving in front ochos,
I whisper to you eternal happiness
a promise that’ll never go unkept
holier than the eternal slumber

oh, if only the crowd would cheer!
rather than rotting beneath our feet
but fret not, my dear
as we have a long night ahead of us!
#tw // disturbing themes#malleus x silver#mallesil#malleus draconia#silver vanrouge#ths is basically the bad ending of book 7#where despite everyone's efforts they r unable to stop his overblot#leading him to exhaust his magic till none is left#what happens when the caster's magic is depleted#what'll happen to those falling victims of his um#no one knows#but here i hc them slowly rotting & decaying#stuck in samsara of dreams; their consciousness slowly slipping away as death seeps in#as his magical reserve are getting thinner his time-stopping barrier would fade as well#and mother nature will took over the bodies; decomposing it w/ no mercy#w/ the last bit of his magic; malleus used it to wake silver for one final dance#and voila! here we are#no; there'll be no magic saving us this time#malleus is lying yall theres no 'long night' they'll die approximately after twilight lololol#sorry not sorry#his magic just wouldn't last for both of them any longer#as for how much time had been spent before that? i leave it to ur thoughts :>#'why the cinderella reference diasomnia is based on sleeping beauty' hv u considered tht perhaps the author loves cendrillon#no the author certainly did not research on tango steps & watching how to tango tutorials wdym#miè writes ✍️#miè's poems#one more thing!!#unlike the prev ones- this one was actually made today!!#so enjoy while it's still fresh!! fresh outta the oven!! >:D#....ths is the last one for today i promise
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I know I've said before that I cried, but I was exaggerating for dramatic effects because I'm a liar
BUT TODAY...OH I AM SOBBING RIGHT NOW ! THE TEARS ARE ROLLING ON MY CHEEKS ! I AM SNIFFLING ! I'M EXPERIENCING CHEST PAIN ! WHAT THE HECK REVERSE 4 YOU ? THIS SO HEART SHATTERING I'M DYING ! THE MOST EMOTIONAL WORST BREAK UP EVER !
#Last time I cried like that in a gl was when Kim and Wan broke up for the third time#LIKE WHAT DO YOU MEAN ? WHAT DO YOU MEAN ?#WHY#WHYYYYYYY#Four will never stop being the greenest flag#sacrifying their happiness of ten years#Four KNOWING that it's impossible for them to be together and have Vivi alive so she's willingly stepping away from her soulmate#THE RING#THE FUCKING RING#TRACING THE SYMBOL IN HER PALM TO REMEMBER IT FOREVER#THROUGH ALL LIFETIME#WHO HAS CHOSEN MY DEATH TODAY ?#WHO DO I HAVE TO TALK TO ?#I swear#This show is personally angry with me#I don't deserve this much pain#Reverse 4 you#reverse 4 you ep 7#four#wa#four x wa#jattawa
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i wish i knew how 2 be good for something
#anything#wheres the tutorial on how to be a helpful useful good for something person#how do actually be there for people how to say the right things how to be fun n interesting aand caring and work a job and offer things#how do i become a person at all how do i step into the role with no training#is it even possible#''do it scared'' but what if i dont know how to do it at all#i dont need therapists telling me i need to do it on my own i need someone to help me . tell me what to do#otherwise ill just keep throwing myself at the dark n doing it Wrong#i cant afford to do it wrong anymorei cant mess this up. anymore than i already have#i need this i need to do it right#its the only important thing ill ever have#n its so much bigger than me its so much more important#no one ever taught me how to do anything#ive lways been alone i dont know how#i try to run from the isolation n ignore it but i cant#i can never get away i never got to be formed i never got to become a person#and now im Wrong and its too late no one cares im not a kid anymore#im just a big stupid adult that fucks everything up and its all my fault and i dont know what5 to do#i shoudlve tried harder when i was a kid there were right there but i was too scared#i couldve said omething i couldve fixed this#now im just a problme#im pathetic and everyone can see it and i know even. me saying this only furthers that#but i dont know what to do#ive never known. the only thing i know is how pathetic i am and how its even worse im stuck pitying myself only making me more a problem#ppl tell m that like its supposed to help but it never has because i already know . its humiliating . even if my mom didnt constantly#remind me my entire life . i know. i can see it. its all i see. everything i do is wrong but im supposed to stop punishing myself#when its the only right thing ive ever done. its the only concrete thing thats ever felt right. but its wrong. somehow its the most wrong#im supposed to just get over it everyone else can but i dont knowhow .i keep trying but i keep failing only prove how pathetic i am overn v#im supposed to be better by now. i just want to be there . i just want tobe better and useful and Real#how do i get better when im still stuck in the same place i started. do i ever get out. i need to be better while im stuck i need to be Now
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how do you guys make friends with people and then maintain the friendship
#this is a genuine question#i don’t think i have ever genuinely been this lonely before#like i’m in a relationship but friends-wise#i had a conversation with my coworker yesterday and came out of it almost crying#because i missed having normal conversations w people so much#that being said emma is moving two hours away and we will see each other at least once a month now#but im asking this genuinely because idk how to take that step of like. casual work friendship to a real one???#and having my fiance be the only person who knows what’s going on in my life and the only person i talk to#is like. dauntingly lonely and sad to think about 🥳#i literally don’t text anyone throughout the day i haven’t had even a casual conversation with a friend in who knows how long#i used to be in discord servers with people and i used to hang out with people online or in person and i used to have jokes with people#and now i have hunter and i have my cat and it’s crazy i’m not even isolating myself like.#i isolated myself my last two relationships and still had more friends than i do now in my healthy relationship when i’m ready for friends#i went to a local punk/hardcore show with hunter last friday and had so much fun but we had no friends there#and we got home and i just sat in that for a bit and then i started crying and i couldn’t stop and he just held me and rubbed my back#and i will delete this soon i just think the weekends make me sadder and lonelier than i normally am#and i think my coworkers no longer spending time with me and everyone being elsewhere and me being all alone all day#and then coming home and it just being my fiance and me#and that’s the only interaction i have with someone who’s not a student#it’s just making everything build up more and more and more#it’s just really getting to me#and then because i don’t do anything but work and hang out with my fiance that’s all i have to talk about#lol anyway. idk. i’m gonna take my effexor and go clean i guess#tate.txt
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Gah 💔

#Unariko and niko……..#Woah. Suddenly I am a dastardly wanted criminal.#My ma and me man.#I don’t know if I really see her as my ma#She’s my ma by title and by obligation. But she acts more like a friend. Not the best one#I wouldn’t go to her for anything besides doing shi for me or accompanying me#She outright said she doesn’t know how to guide me in life#And it just feels like it’s my fault for stepping away from my parents#I feel like it’s to late to stop lying to them about my life#Every time I tried to be honest they took it as a joke or played it off#Especially my ma#Every time I tried being real with her and talking about my feelings and what’s going on#She just said she’s been through something similar but in Cuba. And that just automatically makes her a bigger victim apparently#She must’ve gone through a handful of things too when she was my age#She probably just doesn’t know it’s not normal#I don’t feel a strong connection with my ma#She’s just my ma because she happened to give birth to me. She just so happened to be the one who somewhat takes care of me#Otherwise she’d be my friend#But I don’t feel like she fulfills my emotional needs#Sure she gives me kisses sometimes. And that’s nice.#But I don’t crave validation from her#I crave it from older people who seem like good parents#Jesus Christ a lot of things are starting to make sense#Moral of the story I’m becoming like my ma and that’s scary because why am I starting to understand why she is this way#She’s caused 20% of my problems in life and yet I’m starting to get it#Following the same steps in the snow during a storm but my pants are still getting wet#Weird thing to say but. Exactly my situation#This has got to be mommy issues bro 😭#The worm conference#I don’t think this is a vent it’s more of a rant
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i did FINE today i did fine it was fine. i did 99% of a task but had to stop bc i needed a text back from someone--i'll have to do the whole thing over again tomorrow but what matters is that i tried (<- said through tears, convinced it is untrue). um and i also made a proper dinner, which was awesome!! ...it was supposed to be 2-3 dinners but i ate all of it bc im fucking hungry. so i'll have to do the whole thing over again tomorrow but what matters is that i tried (ditto). uhhhhhhh and i rested. that counts for something. and i tried to work on one of my art WIPs but everything i did was bad and i didn't make any progress but what matters is that i trieddddddd
#😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭#whatever man.#the one thing i DID do that will NOT be taken away from me is i made a new list w updated steps for things#and i figured out when i'll need to get a T refill. which will be in the same 2 weeks that im planning to buy a car and either move or rene#can i PLEASE kill myself. or SOMETHING. like can something please happen#idc if it's good or bad idc if the clarity of purpose comes from a disaster i just need to not have 1william huge things#im trying to do and failing to do bc they are so many steps and i am so small and i can barely handle eating every day#augh town hall meeting tomorrow.... i should have prepped today but i can do that instead of errands tmrw i guess#<- it's always some shit like this bc i can only do like 1 thing per day 😭 yeah i know that makes me an evil lazy failure#i KNOW i just need to get good and stop being bad at everything. i know that.#sorry. idk man. will sade save me? we shall see#the strolls royce
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oh i am sickkk to death of straight white men in local bands- dont try and mansplain fiona apple to me you cunt you think you’re cool because you scream into a mic, babe im cooler, hotter and a better singer than you sooooo…
also dont see any of you covering sex by the 1975 huh??? no you’re too busy trying to be the next alex turner but you’re ugly and annoying so fuck off and let me serve cunt and you can just fall off the face of the earth thx!!!
#freya wants to say something (sometimes)#sorry this is so random#it’s just like uggggggghhhhh!!!#all encounters ive had have been bad and ive just felt so belittled because im a female you know#sure they arent all like this but god- the mansplaning fiona to me really got me like babe i KNOWWWW fiona okay#when will local music scenes stop being soooo sexist- the answers never because most the bands are the most misogynistic pricks ever#just ew step away pls and thanks!!!!
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