#and just to be fully transparent—I listened to this once and never again

[seaofolives]

Now That’s What I Call 3x4

A Trowa Barton x Quatre Raberba Winner 90s Fanmix

Curated for All-Ships Ship Week by #ficwip

Listen to it on Spotify

[lucidfairies]

LET'S PLAY

pairing: ghostface!Abby x reader x ghostface!Ellie

synopsis: you've always been afraid of scary movies, but when abby recreates one of her favorites with some help from her best friend... lets just say you face your fears.

warnings: fear kink (?), threesome, pussy eating, strap usage, gendered pet names, double penetration + anal [r! receiving], face riding [e! + r! receiving], scissoring [a + e], very brief gendered talk ("but my sweet girl can take it, can't she?"), unrealistic squirting

wc: 2k

a/n: hi guys! to be fully transparent with you guys, I've been extremely busy over the last couple of weeks and have no chance to write. on top of that I'm extremely under the weather right now, so this is the only Halloween shot I have written. 😭😭 I'm really sorry that it worked out this way, maybe I can finish and post the others later on!

it was halloween. finally halloween. and the conditions were perfect. the dark night sky was filled with grey clouds that stuck out from the moonlight, fog had been gathering all day, so that once trick or treating started for the little kids and partying started for the older kids, it was just right. you had different plans on your mind, though. tonight it would be just you and Abby, with movies, popcorn, and definitely some costumes.

in all honesty, halloween scared you in the slightest. the movies that Abby often wanted to watch were gruesome, and you wound up with your hands over your eyes, merely listening to the shrieks and stabbings. abby loved it, though, so you found it in your heart to get over it.

that fear, however, resurrected itself when the clock passed eleven, knowing she was supposed to be home at nine-thirty. you had texted her a number of times at this point, even called her, with no response. it was more than strange; in all the years you and abby had been together, she had never, ever missed a halloween.

at a certain point you sighed and got off the couch, accepting that she apparently just wasn't coming home. you went down to your room, changing and laying down to sleep. you tossed and turned, not used to a bed without her body in it. after a while, you laid on your back with a huff, grabbing your phone to text her again.

before you could press send, you heard an aggressive jingle of the lock on the front door. it didn't stop, and you were slammed with the feeling that someone was trying to to get in. someone was trying to to get in. a bat hid behind your door, and you ran over to grab it before leaving your bedroom. you looked over your shoulder, into every room, but you didn't see anything. the kitchen was dark once you walked into it, and as you went to flick the lights on, you felt a strong hand on your hip that pulled you back, covering your mouth with their other hand.

the bat was ripped from your hands by a second person, and you screamed, but the hand covering your mouth was gloved and masked the sound. you could feel the captors heart beating and their chest rise and fall.

“sorry I'm late,”

it was abby. abby who followed you through your house and abby whose hand was over your mouth. the lights flicked on and you were faced with a different person, dressed in a ghost face mask and it's matching rags. you pushed out of abby's grip and turned to face her, realizing that she also had a mask on.

“what the fuck abby?” you quietly shrieked. “what was that? you scared me.” the light caught the knife in her hand, and suddenly a pit developed in your stomach. it was fear, flat, undoubtable, fear. “why do you have a knife?” she walked towards you slowly until your back was against the wall.

“don't worry baby, we're just gonna play,” her large body encased you. “you remember ellie, don't you sweet girl?” you nodded slowly, tears welling up in your tear ducts. “my poor baby, don't cry, we're gonna be real nice to you.” when she said that, you finally came to the realization as to what was happening. this is why abby loves the scary movies. she likes the control; the fear. you relaxed. “do you trust me, pretty girl?” you looked at her through the mask and nodded slowly. “do you trust me to not hurt you?” you nodded again.

“let's play then, baby.”

that's how you ended up here, on your back, with ellie on your face and abby between your legs. ellie had a hand in your hair, forcing you to look up at her while you ate her out. she was grinding down on your tongue, chanting your name as she chest rose and fell quickly. she had definitely already come, but she was using you to get off.

abby, however, had a strap buried deep in your cunt. you two hadn't used a strap before, you didn't even know where she got it, all you knew and could think about was how much she was filling you. the mask was still covering her face, but you almost got off to it. she had your legs pushed up to your chest, drilling her hips into your ass over and over, going even after your orgasm had lit up your body.

finally she let up, but you knew you weren’t even close to done. ellie got off your face and they both looked at each other, as if they were coming to a conclusion by just looking at each other, then they both looked over at you. abby discarded her mask and tossed it into the pile of clothes, loosening the harness from her hips and throwing it along with everything else. “get up,” ellie said, replacing you as you stood up. “sit on my face, sweets. face abby like the pretty thing you are.” the position was weird, but somehow it worked. you were backwards on ellie’s face, but her skilled tongue still managed to find everything you needed just right.

abby lifted ellie’s leg up, shifting herself between her lifted leg and her dripping center, rolling her hips down until they were both moaning. with the hand that wasn’t keeping ellie’s leg steady, abby grabbed you by the throat and brought your lips to hers, moaning into your mouth as your tongues met. ellie was so good at eating pussy, you almost didn’t want to pick between her and abby. maybe tonight meant that you could have both of them whenever you wanted.

ellie fucked you with her tongue while her thumb found your clit, spreading your wetness and her saliva over it and rubbing in rhythmic, slow circles. you were all but pushing all your weight onto abby, who was still riding ellie’s pussy. now, though, her head was back, neck exposed. you regained your headspace slightly, just enough to run your lips along her neck and suck. your lips traveled to her tits, marking her in a way you hadn’t before.

you stopped as soon as you felt your orgasm building quickly, instead opting for your previous option of grabbing her for support. it seemed as if you both were in the same boat, because her face scrunched up in focus, like it did every time she came. your head was on her shoulder as you came, whimpering at just how good it felt. ellie didn’t let a drop miss her tongue.

abby stood up, and you zoned in on how both of their pussies were covered in each other’s cum. your pupils were wide, your mouth was basically hanging open with drool. abby looked at you and chuckled. “wanna clean me up, sweetheart?” you got up from the bed and kneeled in front of her, assuming that’s what she wanted you to do, and waited for her to spread her legs. she leaned against the wall and propped her leg up on your shoulder, letting you lap at her until everything was gone. it tasted so good, so much like abby with a hint of ellie. it was the perfect blend.

though you wanted to lick up ellie too, she had already cleaned off with a bed sheet. “I have one more thing to try, if you’re up for it, baby.” you nodded profusely, and both girls looked at each other with a smirk. “get on the edge of the bed in doggy.” you did as told, putting your knees on the edge of the bed and arching your back so that your face was in the comforter. “good girl,” abby cooed, reaching down to pick up her harness and clip it on again. ellie also pulled one out from the jumble of clothes, and you wondered where hers was going to go. in the bedside drawer, abby pulled out a small bottle of lube, which she must have snuck in at some point earlier in the day to prepare.

earlier, when all of this started, you didn’t need lube, so you couldn’t understand what that was for. until both girls walked behind you. you felt the tip of one of their straps rubbing against your ass and you leaped forward, ill prepared. “this is gonna be a big stretch, baby, but my sweet girl can take it, can’t she?” you hummed at abby’s words, sucking in a harsh breath as her strap entered a new place. it was certainly different, but it felt so good. it was just the stretch you wanted, and it got even better when you felt ellie running the tip of her strap up and down your folds.

when ellie pushed her strap into you along with abby’s, the earth froze. “fuck, babe, look at your slut,” from what you could see, they were both admiring the way your stretched for them. You weren’t going to deny that it hurt a little, but with the way they were looking at you and the way ellie kept hitting exactly where you needed to plus the stretch of both of them, it made up for the slight discomfort.

once they gained a rhythm, you had them railing you at the same time, strokes hard and fast, with ellie’s large, skinny hands wrapped around your waist to keep you up. your hands grasped the bedsheets tightly, listening to your body as you neared closer and closer to finishing. there was another feeling building, one you hadn’t felt before, but you made an effort to ignore it. The closer you got, the noisier you became, moaning and grunting with every thrust until you were twitching on the edge of release.

the weird feeling that you were ignoring came back hard and fast, sitting somewhere strange in your bladder. it was like the urge to pee, but with some form of pleasure to it. they pulled it out of you with their harshness, making you squirt hard as you finished. you rolled your hips back at how strong your orgasm was, tears running down your face and creating a pool on the comforter.

you felt strangely empty as they both pulled out, unclipping both of their harnesses yet again and tossing them. “you did such a good job angel. let’s get cleaned up.” you all showered together, then abby surprised you with matching pajamas. ellie was packing up her stuff and you frowned.

“stay,” you said, and she looked up at you and smiled. “we can watch a movie. you can leave in the morning. don’t drive home in the dark.” she sat her backpack down and climbed into bed with the both of you. abby rolled over to grab the remote and turned on scream, just for the irony.

taglist: @inukastan1 @elliecoochieeater @pepperflakess @hastasupern0va @jazzys19 @purring4elliewilliams @decaffeinatedclodbagelweasel @lonelyfooryouonly @heyimrye (if your not tagged it said your account did not exist, I apologize)

[roosterforme]

Always Ever Only You Part 2 | Rooster x Reader

Summary: Avoiding your husband wasn't the best way to deal with your problems. Neither was baiting him into having a conversation that you knew was going to annoy him. But you were frustrated with work and your body, and somehow you knew Bradley would never blame you for any of it. 

Warnings: Fluff, smut, angst, swearing

Length: 3900 words

Pairing: Bradley "Rooster" Bradshaw x Female Reader

This was written to accompany my series Is It Working For You? along with a bunch of my one-shots and other series, but it can be read on its own! Check my masterlist for the reading order. Gorgeous banner by @mak-32

You had been trying for weeks to tolerate having Cat in your lab and your workspace. She was a great addition to your team. Quick and smart. Everyone else seemed to think she was wonderful. But you... just didn't.

Or rather, Cat didn't seem to like you. There must have been something about you that just rubbed her the wrong way. Other than a greeting each morning when you saw each other, she tended to steer clear of you, preferring to work near Macy and Sonya. 

You tried not to let it bug you, but it was hard when Jake was constantly stopping in to see you at work. He was an attention grabber. He was obviously handsome. And he was obviously also not your husband. So you started getting a few looks here and there from your coworkers. And you knew it was all because he thought Cat was gorgeous and wouldn't stay out of your lab. 

"What are you doing here?" you asked him one afternoon when he walked in and leaned on the counter next to where you were working on a line of code on your computer. "I just saw you last night at the bar."

"Just saying hi to my favorite engineer," he drawled, eyes resting on Cat where she was working across the room. When she glanced up at Jake, her eyes were softer than they ever were for you. 

You turned on your stool to face him. "Why can't you just be honest with me?" you asked him. "You're transparent to me, Seresin."

He looked down his nose at you and raised one eyebrow. "This is a two way street, Angel. And you've not been honest with me."

You looked at him, brow scrunched up. "What are you talking about?"

He sighed. "You're avoiding your husband. He was looking for you at lunchtime today. I don't want to listen to you whining about how much you miss him next time he's deployed when you're avoiding him now."

Your heart lurched. If Jake noticed how you'd been acting the past few days, then Nat probably did too. And you did not enjoy being on the receiving end of her temper when Bradley got angsty because of you. 

"I'm not," you whispered. But you kind of were. Your period was due tomorrow, and your thoughts were once again consumed with buying a pregnancy test on your way home from work. Which was ridiculous. Because you knew how you were going to react when it was negative. You were going to spiral again. You were going to upset Bradley again. He kept telling you that none of this was your fault, but you just weren't so sure. 

"Do you want to talk about it?" Jake asked you softly, his blue eyes fully focused on you instead of Cat. But you shook your head and looked down at your hands in your lap.

"No. Not right now."

"Hey," he said, and you looked up at him. "Whenever you want some girl talk, I'm your man."

You laughed out loud, drawing the attention of your labmates, including Cat. "Thanks, Jake."

"Now," he drawled, leaning against the counter on one elbow, "can you please put in a good word for me?" He nodded toward Cat, and you just rolled your eyes.

"I would, but I don't even know if she's single. She doesn't like me very much."

Jake's eyes went wide. "Everyone likes you."

You just shook your head and said, "Not her. But I need to work on a bunch of proposals and shit with her this month, so I'm going to try my best to get her to crack."

"When you do, make sure you tell her what a stand up guy your good friend Jake is."

You ended up kicking him out shortly after that. And then you texted Bradley.

I love you, Roo. Movie night later?

Then you took a deep breath and grabbed your computer and made your way over to Cat. "Have a few minutes to look at these proposals or maybe check some of my coding?"

"Sure," she replied, pulling out the stool next to hers with her foot. 

"Thanks," you mumbled, making yourself comfortable. "I just finished reworking this code if you want to take a look."

Cat sighed and pulled your computer a little closer. "I know this is how you do things around here, but there's a more efficient way."

You looked at her out of the corner of your eye. "Oh. Okay... well, maybe you can show me?"

Now she was the one looking at you cautiously. She sighed again and started typing away on your computer silently, just leaving you to watch what she was doing. You had to admit, she did have an efficient way of working. 

"Hey, Baby Girl."

You spun around to find your husband standing behind you. 

"Roo," you sighed, hopping up from your stool and wrapping your arms around him.

"I missed you at lunch. Ended up dumping hot sauce all over my food to drown out my loneliness."

You laughed against his chest. "Sorry."

He kissed the top of your head and told you, "You want a movie night? I'll stop and get some beer on the way home."

But you shook your head and looked up at him. "I actually need some other stuff at the store, so I'll grab the beer."

He nodded and smiled at you. "Sounds perfect."

"Wait, did you come all the way up here instead of just texting me back?"

Bradley leaned down close to your ear. "I would do anything for an excuse to see you."

The warmth of his words washed over your body just as Cat cleared her throat. You turned to look at her with embarrassment all over your face. 

"Uh, Cat, you remember my husband, Bradley?" you asked awkwardly. 

"Yes," she said in a curt voice. "We've met. He's been here several times."

"It's nice to see you again," Bradley replied in his most charming voice, and even Cat wasn't immune to that. She smiled softly at him before turning back to her work. 

"You should go," you told Bradley, running your fingers through his hair and kissing him briefly before pushing him toward the door. "See you at home later."

And then he was gone and you were left with Cat and her attitude about the way you got your work done.

-------------------------

Bradley made it home before you. He took Tramp for a short walk after changing into some gym shorts and an old shirt. The neighbors had their grandchildren over, so Bradley stopped and let them play with Tramp. The kids always went absolutely nuts for him, and honestly, Tramp loved the kids probably more than they loved him. 

"Trying to get you one of your very own," he told his dog as they walked up the driveway past the Bronco. Tramp jumped up and licked Bradley's hand like he understood. Like he was begging for his own kid to play with. "Working on it."

Bradley knew you were busy with work. Your promotion banquet was coming up soon. And he was pretty sure your period was due to arrive any day now. It felt like you and he were playing the waiting game every month. Bradley didn't really mind too much; trying to get you pregnant was perhaps the least stressful part of his daily routine. Fucking you had been bliss since the very first night he spend with you. 

But he could feel the stress in your body every month when you got your period now. When he tried to tell you that sometimes this took time, you didn't want to hear it. And it had only been a few months since you stopped using birth control. But you didn't want to hear that either. 

Bradley took Tramp inside, and then he heard your terrifying little car pull into the driveway. You came inside with some shopping bags and a six pack of your favorite beer. "I picked up dinner," you told him. "I think I have PMS, so I got some sushi."

"Perfect," he replied, noting the way you were biting your lip a little nervously. "Come here." He pulled you into his arms. "You pick the movie."

"Hmmm... 90s throwback night?" you asked, wiggling out of his grasp and starting to undress in the living room.

"My favorite," he murmured, watching your shirt slip down your arms. 

Then you vanished toward the bedroom, calling out, "Be right back."

He sighed and set up the sushi and beers on the coffee table. Then he fed Tramp dinner and waited for you. When you came back out in one of Bradley's oversized shirts and plopped down on the couch, he was right there with you. He barely paid attention to which movie you chose, realizing about fifteen minutes later that he was watching Wild Things. 

When you finished your sushi and took the last sip of your beer, you gently pushed Bradley back along the couch and curled up on his chest. Bradley loved your body weight on top of him like this. He felt warm and secure with your forehead resting on his neck while you watched the movie. But he was watching you and the way you reacted to his fingers gliding along your arm. Your eyelashes brushed along your perfect cheek. 

He was thinking about how good you'd look with a baby bump when you shifted a little bit to look up at him. "You like this movie," you said against his chest, and he laughed. He was barely even watching it. "It's got the threesome scene with Neve Campbell and Denise Richards."

Bradley rolled his eyes. "That's not why I like this movie. I like it because it has a good soundtrack."

"Yeah, okay," you said with a laugh. And he let it go until a minute later when you asked, "Do you honestly expect me to believe that you wouldn't jump at the chance to have a threesome if I brought it up?"

Bradley was speechless. He just looked at you for a beat while you watched the movie.

"That's what I thought," you murmured with another laugh.

"Are you fucking kidding me right now?" he asked, shifting underneath you. "Are you trying to insinuate that you are not satisfying me? Or that I am not doing a good job of satisfying you? Because either way, I have a problem with this."

He grasped your chin between his fingers until you were looking up at him. "I was just making my point that you'd want to."

"I would not," he said louder. "Would you?"

You shook your head. "Of course not."

He blinked at you a few times. "I think about you and only you all fucking day long. And I'm too jealous and stubborn to share you. So don't ever make a comment like that again, okay? And if I'm not doing a good job, just tell me."

"You are!" you insisted, propping yourself up so that your chest was just grazing his and your lips were inches from his chin. "You make sure I cum before you do like ninety percent of the time, and you have a huge dick!"

"There's a little more to it than that," he growled. "If I'm not making you feel like you're important to me, then what's the point?"

You gasped and kissed his chin. "Roo. I'm sorry I said anything."

Bradley was a little worried about his performance now. Last week on the dining room floor, he wasn't sure if you came or not. His knees started hurting from digging into the hardwood. Maybe his nearly thirty seven years of age were showing. And when he bent you over the piano bench, he had to work very hard to get you off with his fingers before he came.

"Oh my goodness," you said, a little louder now. "You're not even lying, are you? You actually wouldn't want to have a threesome."

"No! We made wedding vows! I'm not about to stick my dick in anyone except you! And I wouldn't even want to!"

Your lips were on his, and your fingers were tangled in his hair. You were straddling his waist and murmuring, "You're so sweet, Roo."

He pulled you tight against him, letting you feel how hard he was for you. "I'm fucking crazy about you, Sweetheart," he swore. "If I'm not satisfying-" 

But your lips were on his again, and you were rubbing yourself against his abs. Bradley grabbed at your hips underneath the oversized shirt. "You are!" you promised. "You're incredible. We're incredible."

"Then why the fuck are you saying that stuff?" he groaned when you started sucking on his neck.

"You're going to give me a complex."

"I'm sorry," you whispered. "I'm just feeling a little insecure today."

"Why?" Bradley asked, easing his hands up along your waist, enjoying the feel of your smooth skin. "Why would you ever have a reason to feel insecure? You're perfect."

You ran your nose along his Adam's apple. "Cat Coleman hates me for some reason. And I'm going to have to work a little bit this weekend, because I'm behind on the proposals. And my period is coming despite my best efforts."

"Stop it," Bradley said, gently squeezing your waist so that you met his eyes. You sat up, straddling his torso. "If Cat Coleman doesn't like you, then she's an idiot. I can help you this weekend. It's supposed to rain. You can read the proposals out loud to me while I feel you popcorn. And if you get your period, then we'll keep trying. Like I said, you're perfect."

You smiled down at him and started to pull his shirt up over his abs. "Okay, Roo."

"We got nothing to worry about," he whispered, tucking his finger inside your underwear, making you gasp as he stroked you. "Unless you start telling me you do want to have a threesome."

"I don't," you promised, kissing his lips. And then you pulled Bradley's shorts and underwear down to his thighs, and your slick pussy met his cock. "This okay?" 

"'Course," he grunted. You slipped him inside, and once he was fully seated, you glanced up and kissed him again. 

Then you carefully pressed your chest to his. "I love you, Roo." Your lips were soft on his scarred neck and cheek as he ran his hands up and down along your back. He was so comfortable like this, with you warming his cock. You softly fluttered around him, soothing him with every little squeeze and movement. You had control over him. You always did, because he'd given it to you. But your fingers in his hair and your soft voice near his ear...you just owned him. 

More than anything, he wanted to make you happy. Take your stress away. And he knew that in the next few days, you'd either be delighted or miserable again, depending on if you got your period. So he wanted to enjoy this moment with you. Let you enjoy yourself with him. 

As soon as you started moving your hips, you were moaning softly. Bradley pressed himself up against you, rubbing his rough hairs along your clit. "Tell me what you want."

You sighed and moved your hips a little faster. "Make it last forever."

Bradley wasn't sure if you were talking about this moment in particular or everything. But he'd make it all last for you. For his wife. You rode him on the couch until you came, chanting his name with his hands all over your breasts. Then he flipped you over onto your back, and you wrapped your legs around his waist while he fucked you nice and slow.

"You didn't cum yet," you gasped a few minutes later when he stroked your clit closer to another orgasm.

"You told me to make it last forever," he whispered, cock deep inside you as he pinched you and listened to you whine for him. 

When he finally ended up in bed with you, he was a sweaty mess, and your pussy was filled with his cum. You were babbling softly as he tucked you in and plugged your phone into the charger. He went back to the living room to turn off the movie that he hadn't even watched and let Tramp out into the backyard. Yeah, he wanted this to last forever, too. Whether it was just the three of you or not. 

---------------------

The next morning, you were in tears again. When you stopped for beer and sushi on the way home last night, you made a little detour to buy some more pregnancy tests. Negative. They were always negative. Bradley was dicking you down constantly. You'd made him feel so insecure last night, that he held onto you this morning and wouldn't let you get out of bed.

"We'll be late for work," you whispered, knowing you'd have to get Bradley out of the house so you could take one of the tests before you left, too. 

"I love you too much to get up."

"If you get up now, I'll make you an omelette." 

You laughed when Bradley jumped out of bed, and even after you made breakfast and sent him on his way, you had time to take the pregnancy test before you left too.

Crying in your car on your way to work had become this kind of sick routine. But at least you had fifteen minutes to get it out of your system before you parked. Then you had another ten minutes to make your face look neutral again before you made it to your lab with your computer. 

You barely said a word to anyone until it was time for lunch. Part of you wanted to pull the same stunt you'd been pulling for weeks and tell Bradley you were too busy to eat in the cafeteria with him. But Jake was right. When Bradley was deployed again, you'd be nonstop wishing he was here with you. So you locked your computer and followed everyone else out.

"Hey, Cat?" you called out before you could stop yourself. She turned her dark, appraising eyes on you, and you sucked in a deep breath as you caught up with her. You knew Jake wanted to get to know her, and you knew that would be made much easier for him if in fact you got to know her first.

"Yes?"

"Just wanted to see if you wanted to eat lunch with me. I'll probably sit with my husband and some of our friends, if you-"

"I'm going to eat with Sonya. But thank you." Her face was still expressionless as she cut you off. But you didn't want to be deterred so easily.

"Okay," you said with a forced smile. "Well, we're going to hang out at the Hard Deck later, maybe shoot some pool or play darts. If you want to-"

"I'll think about it, thanks."

And then she was strolling down the hallway away from you. And the tears were filling your eyes all over again. You turned toward your office and pulled your phone out of your pocket. 

I'm going to eat in my office.

As soon as you unlocked the door, Bradley had written back.

Bradley Rooster Bradshaw <3 <3 <3: I'll bring some sandwiches up and join you. 

You managed to calm yourself down, taking deep breath after deep breath while you organized your file cabinet. But when Bradley knocked on the open door and you looked up to see his smile, you burst into tears. 

"Sweetheart." He kicked the door closed and tossed the sandwiches onto your desk. "Come here." He sat down in your chair and patted his thigh, and you sank down to meet his big body while you sobbed. He held you and let you cry as you curled your legs up under yourself and burrowed against him. 

You wiped the tears away but kept your eyes closed as you said, "I took a pregnancy test after you left the house this morning. Of course it was negative. I don't know why I keep getting my hopes up."

You could feel his lips and mustache in your hair as he kissed you. His voice was gentle as he said, "You need to stop doing that alone, okay? We can do it together if you miss your period. I don't want you to keep hiding what's going on from me."

You looked up at him with tear streaked cheeks. "You know you're going to get deployed again soon, right?" you asked as you hiccupped. "And then we're going to lose out on months of trying. I feel like if this doesn't happen soon, it's never going to, Bradley."

The irritation you knew must have been all over your face didn't seem to penetrate him at all. You'd been subconsciously baiting him last night while you watched the movie. Hoping for him to validate all of your inadequacies. Your mind thriving on the idea that even your husband thought you weren't good enough for him after all. 

But all he ever did was love you and encourage you. And right now, you couldn't stand that, either. Because when he said, "We have time, and we have each other," you started sobbing again in earnest.

He held you for so long, you were certain he would get in trouble with Maverick for taking an unnecessarily long lunch. "You didn't eat your sandwich," you whispered as he rubbed your back.

"I'll eat it when I walk back over," he promised. "Which I'm not going to do until you promise me you'll stop shutting me out."

You nodded at him and whispered, "I'll do better, Roo." Then you handed him one of the sandwiches and scrambled off of his lap. "You need to go before you get in trouble."

He leaned down to kiss you. "Nah, Mav's a softie for you. If I tell him I needed to spend some time with you, he's not going to care too much, Baby Girl."

"Okay," you sniffed, looking at the other sandwich. But you'd lost your appetite now. Which was fine. You were beginning to think that the weight you gained and never lost from the wedding and honeymoon could be adding to your fertility issues. You scheduled a physical with your doctor for just after your promotion banquet. Skipping a meal here and there was honestly probably a good idea. 

"I'll see you at home? Hard Deck after dinner?" Bradley asked, running his fingers along your cheek. You brought your attention back to him and nodded. 

"See you at home."

But later that night, while you were at the bar with your friends, you couldn't stop thinking about the negative test. You couldn't stop thinking about your fertility. You couldn't stop thinking about how hungry you were. 

And then you saw Cat sitting at the bar with Macy. When you caught her eye, there was barely a flash of recognition, even though you had invited her to hang out in this very establishment barely eight hours ago. 

You tried to block it all out as your stomach ached from period cramps. But after another hour, you were tugging on Bradley's hand and whispering, "Let's go home?"

He eyed you cautiously as he finished the last of his beer. "Whatever you want, Sweetheart."

Home. That's what you wanted.

------------------------

Well, they can try again next month. But I'm worried about her. Thanks to @mak-32 and @beyondthesefourwalls

PART 3

@hotch-meeeeeuppppp

@swthxrry

@chassy21

@yaboid19

@solacestyles

@avoirlecoupdefoudre

@daisyhollyxox

@throwinsauce

@awesomebooklover17

@wintercap89

@whosyourgnomie4

@rosesinmars

@blog-name6996

@bcon24

@wishfulwithwine

@backinwonderl4nd

@tetragonia

@gingerbreadandpaper

@emptyloverofmine

@chaoticassidy

@missmirandafe

@changlingkhat

@sugarcoated-lame

@avada-kedavra-bitch-187

@katiebby04

@marantha

@averyhotchner

@abaker74

@heli991113

@k-k0129

@noz4a2

@tallyovie

@shanimallina87

@starlightstories

@teddyluvs2sing

@little-wiseone

@ccbb2222

@lilyevanswhore

@o-the-o-grim-o-reaper-o

@hecate-steps-on-me

@xoxabs88xox

[court-jobi]

i was just (re)reading your "reheat" oneshot and one part that stood out to me was izuku apparently "making a show" of him rolling up his shirt sleeves because reader finds it attractive. but my question is how did he find that out???????? did reader tell him that they find it to be alluring??? i need answers (just please dont do it nsfw, i'm not really into it lol) 👀👀

(btw i love your writing<3)

Ahhhh I'm SO glad someone caught this! I'm a sucker for the little details, and you found one of my favorites 🥰🥰 SFW it is~

And truly, it honestly shouldn't be such a saucy thought, Izuku rolling up his sleeves... It's a pure and simple fact that you love every bit of Izuku, whether he's dressed up or down. What's not to love? But here we are, and I'll tell ya exactly why.

How you came to enjoy this harmless little show was the sum of many 'harmless' moments, though they all have one thing in common:

Acts of Service.

Reheat shows it best, but here's how our darling Izuku reckoned it was a solid plan of distraction...

Pairing: Midoriya x reader

Reheat: ORIGINS

Izuku is an extremely thoughtful person, as we all know and love. He'll be in your corner to listen, tell you just what you need to hear, and do it all with a smile on his face. He'll also be the first to step up and offer his best if it would help make your life easier.

The first time you watched him do it was a night he came around while you were in a self-imposed baking marathon-- and were quickly running out of surface space in the kitchen. Once setting down his workout bag down at the dining table and shucking off his coat, he'd immediately come in reporting for duty...

'How can I help' chirps off Izuku's lips without missing a beat, and before you could even make mention of washing the dishes as you go (to help expedite the process later), he was already rolling the cuffs of his hoodie to keep the ends from getting absolutely soaked. When he catches you staring from he oven range at what he's doing, he assumes it stems from feeling guilty about putting him to work, or refusing the idea that he'd tidy up for you. It's such a high pile that's filling both sides of the sink already, and it's threatening to topple over onto your tray of still-cooling macarons.

He sees it as a stellar trade off: you cook, he cleans. It's a no-brainer in his book!

The next time he does it, you're visiting him at UA while he's hosting some late afternoon office hours (in case some students wish to stop by for some pre-exam help). It's a slow afternoon, and when he complains about it over text, you surprise him with a little green tea boba pick-me-up. By the time you arrive, he's on the phone with some insurance company about a rate change that he's been meaning to call about.

He's a bit grumpy over it. Why they keep hiking prices like this, he'll never fully understand, but would kill for some transparency in billing, y'know?

"No- I'm not interested in upgrading the policy, it's covering everything I need it to -back at my starting rate. No, no dependents. No secondary vehicles either-- maam, I rent an apartment; I don't even own a home yet- why would I need a byline for acreage protection?!"

Poor Izuku's brows are tented as he navigates the skin sufferable conversation... But all the while, he's flexing -a flick of the wrist in each movement- as he cuffs his sleeves towards his elbows.

You don't realize you're staring until he stops moving. Looking up to his eyes again, they're more confused at you now, with a built shoulder precariously balancing his phone to his ear.

'What's wrong?' he mouths to you.

You immediately shake your head, and just motion for him to carry on. You rest your chin in your hand when he continues, but he doesn't say more on the topic when the woman returns from the other end of the line with more bad news.

"-b-boating protec-?? Ma'am, may I be perfectly real with you? I-I am on a teacher's salary! Can I please just revert back to what I was paying before so I don't have to auction off my AllMight limited editions??"

So firm, so capable... so stupidly attractive doing such a small thing... Izuku maybe a bit preoccupied at the moment, but he's starting to catch onto you, for there's gotta be something behind your interest in his forearms.

Finally, it all clicks into place. In Hatsume's Tech Lab, where you're picking up Izuku from after an off-site field trip of sorts for his support course students does Izuku finally get what's going on.

He's taken up some elective classes for their class route, in addition to his hero course homeroom. In the R&D department, he's trying on some gloves and explaining their features to you in excitement for its intended recipient, his good friend Shoto Todoroki, while his students all bound off elsewhere.

"He even came up with the design; pretty stylish, I'd say! Much better than his first costume, less bulky as well. Mei says we're the same size so I could try for fit before she ships them out to him- hhhnr... well- still kinda hard to- c'you hold this one, baby? here, lemme get them on for real.."

Setting the gloves to your waiting hands, your eyes double in interest. Tongue wets your lips slightly. And shockingly, your mouth moves before you can stop yourself.

"Oooo, my lucky day~ Roll 'em up, babe~"

"that's the problem with this tech. There's safety resistance in the cuffs: they're great for compression, but it's a bit tight for tryin' to get over-- w-wait. What?"

Izuku chances a look at you in that one, thirsty moment.

"Do you-- like this?"

"Mhm~"

".. just- rolling up my sleeves? Like this?"

"Mhmmm~"

Though you've solidly convinced Izuku that his scars are to be worshipped just as much as his heart, he can't believe your starry-eyed look while he does this.

Cheeky, Izuku thinks surely you're messing with him, "Goodness the way you're looking at me, you'd think I was showing you my six pack..."

"Eh, that's nothin'," you tease, "impressive, don't get me wrong, Mr. Midoriya- but anyone can work out. This.. takes finesse."

Izuku sprouted a warming blush over his ears, wrenching a calm exterior into place despite your loving teases.

"Finesse, huh?-"

"Slower, babe," you sink onto a palm again, batting your eyes again, "you look good like this."

"Y-You're a mess..."

"I'm your mess now, handsome."

Izuku peeks up and out towards the hall having just settling his right cuff into place. Then, he's looking back to you all mushy at what he finds there. Complete love. It's earned you a kiss -to affirm his feelings for you, of course!- but also to get you to stop fawning over him where anyone could see.

Your fingers will trail over the sensitive undersides of his wrists while he cups your cheeks into place. Any insecurity he may have once held about his scarring has been snuffed out by you a long time ago, but Izuku now realizes it's not just an accepted sight, but a welcome one.

"Good to know this is a sure method to get your attention, honey," he'll whisper between kisses.

It's the preemptive motive that gets you:

Izuku is so ready and willing to help anyone at a moment's notice, to take charge and get things done: to the point where watching him prep to get his weathered hands involved is an attractive sight. He's the first to go the extra mile for you, no ask too big or favor too small.

It might be a quick adjustment to his outfit for comfort, but the look suits him so well. So yes, even as he rolls up his shirt sleeves, you find him insanely, unfairly handsome.

[bitchyycapricorn]

Almost There

Peter Parker x Ghost!Reader

Chapter One, Two, Three, Four, Five, Six, Seven

Masterlist

Series Masterlist

Wordcount: 1.9k

Synopsis: Peter enters his apartment that night expecting to find an empty bed. But instead, he comes face to face with your transparent glowing figure.

Warnings: Fluff, Angst, mentions of needles and injuries, showering with cloths on, mentions of death, mentions of afterlife but no specific religion.

AN: All events of FFH and NWH didn’t happen. Not edited.

It was not until late that night that Peter was once again creeping through the window of his apartment, beat up and bleeding worse than usual. His chest had taken a nasty gash, one that was far too deep for him to heal naturally without any help. So as he stumbled into his dark room the only thing on his mind was the first aid kit Aunt May kept under the bathroom sink.

“You are hurt,” Your voice drifted through the room, seemingly coming from all directions before you appeared on Peter’s bed once again. Peter’s head snapped towards you, eyes fixating on you luminous figure. “Peter, do you need help?”

“Help?” The word felt weird as it came out of his mouth. He had never asked anyone for help after a nasty night, not even May. He paused a moment, leaning on his desk as he tries to catch his breath. “Are you able to help me?”

You nod and get up from your place on the bed. You make your way over to Peter, hoping to take a better look at his wounds since you vaguely remember helping your mother stitch up those who got injured during street fights and could not pay to go to the hospital. “May I see it? The cut on your chest.”

Peter’s eyes lock on yours as the feeling of sudden anxiety washes over him. Despite being a super hero, he doesn’t exactly strip in front of girls and flaunt his muscles. “Uh, isn’t that a bit, personal?” Peter asks, trying to avoid making eye contact with the ghost.

“Peter you are bleeding, you will die if we don’t get you properly cleaned and stitched up.” Your voice is soft, soothing even. You now stand directly in front of Peter, you hand slowly reaching out to examine the wound. He is almost positive your hand will go right through him but it doesn’t. Instead he watches as your hand goes solid, like it did last night when you were playing with the sheets.

His brows scrunch slightly in confusion, “How do you do that? Just make your hands appear I mean.”

You shrug, still fiddling with his suit, checking around the very bloody fabric. “I don’t know, It is like moving my hands or my legs. I just know and my body listens.” You confess, unsure how to answer beyond that. “You are very injured, I need to clean the wound.” You declare, nodding at Peter to strip once again. “Go on, take the costume off and meet me in the bathroom. I will clean you up there.” And with that, you were walking straight through the wall in Peter’s room and into the bathroom.

Peter watched for a moment unsure on whether or not he should follow. Eventually, he reluctantly let his legs carry him out of his room and into the bathroom where he found you waiting for him with the first aid kit laid out on the sink. You turned to face him, eyes once again skimming his body, hinting that the suit had to go. “Do I really need to-“

“Please just remove the suit. You will make things so much easier if you just took the stupid suit off.” Peter eyes you cautiously, surprised that you actually raised your voice at him.

You turn to face him once more, trying to get a better look at his wound. A gasp escaped your lips as he fully stands back up. The size of the gash stretches from the middle of his chest down to his left hip. You quickly turn around, walking over to the shower and turning it on. You make your way back to the skink, checking to make sure you have hydrogen peroxide and ethanol alcohol before facing Peter once more.

You nod towards the running water, “Get in the shower, I will help clean you to prevent infection.”

“Whoa, I know you’re technically dead but you want me to just strip in front of you? I’ve never been naked in front of a girl before! Except for May, but that was before she learned how to knock!” Peter rambled, as he slowly backed away from you.

You roll your eyes, moving towards Peter anyways. “My mother was a home nurse. She would often help hose down patients in the shower. Now take your suit off, leave your underwear on, and get in that shower.” You demand, pulling him back into the middle of the bathroom.

Peter stares at you for a moment, he can still feel the deep cut on his chest bleeding and he admittedly feels pretty weak. Letting out a sigh, Peter removes his suit, laying it down on the counter. “Okay now what?” He mumbles, avoiding your eyes.

“Shower.” You state simply, grabbing his hand and dragging him under the water. Your hands slowly work your way up and down his sweaty and dirt caked body, scrubbing off any and all bacteria in the process. Peter couldn’t help but admire your determined face, the way your eyebrows pinched together when you focused on cleaning him up. Your hands felt nice as they worked, doing a great job cleaning him up. Yet at the same time, he couldn’t help but feel weird that only your hands were there. The rest of you was still just a prominently transparent figure. It was odd to him the way that water ran right through you. Along with the fact that he could see a fuzzy and distorted looking shampoo bottle right through your middle section.

Peter continues to watch you work, allowing you to rinse him off before shutting off the shower and leading him back into the humid bathroom where you have him sit on the counter. “Why are you doing this?” He asks, genuinely curious as to why you’re so inclined to help him after only knowing each other for about a day.

“You’re hurt, and it’s always been my dream to be a nurse. Since I’m dead, er well, only half alive, this is the closest I’ll get to helping someone.” You reply as you begin to apply the alcohol soaked pad gently to his wound. “Also, I quite like you so far. You let me lay with you despite us being strangers. It hasn’t been easy since my little friend left.”

Peter gives you a small smile, “Right, the little boy who used to live here. What was his name?”

You let out a soft sigh, wishing the young boy wasn’t burned into your mind the way he was. “Elijah,” you say finally, your fingers faltering for just a moment. “But I’d call him Eli for short.”

“You said they left because he was seeing things?”

You nod, grabbing a needle and thread from the kit. “It was my fault they left. He began drawing picture of me at school, telling teachers I was his big sister. He…he was an only child.” You slowly began to sew up the gash, trying your best to go quick so it wouldn’t hurt him too much.

Peter winced at the feeling, nodding his head at your story. “I’m really sorry, Eli left. You know it isn’t your fault, right? I mean, you couldn’t have know that he’d go and tell people or that his parents would move.” Peter offered, gritting his teeth at the pain of the needle.

“No, I didn’t. But I’m still the reason regardless.” You finished the stitch, looking back up into Peter’s eyes. “It’s okay though, you’re here now.” You give him a soft smile, stepping away from his body, giving him room to leave.

Peter hopped off the counter, examining his stitches in the mirror. “Thank you for fixing me. Oh, and also for revealing yourself.”

You let out a small chuckle, “Yeah, I realize seeing me must’ve been a bit shocking. Given you and your aunt have only been moved in for about a month now. Why you here anyways?”

“Well, I moved here for MIT and Aunt May got a raise so we thought it would be nice to move to a safer neighborhood where I go to school.” Peter laughs, realizing the slight irony.

You smile, pushing your hair out of your still ghostly face. “Don’t you like, sneak out and fight crime every night or something?”

“Yeah, Spider-man, your friendly neighborhood superhero!” He beams.

A giggle involuntarily erupts from your throat, “You’re such a dork!”

“And you can actually talk normally.” Peter shoots back. You cock an eyebrow at him, causing his face to flush red. “You sounded so sophisticated before, thought you from the 1800s or something.”

A smile spreads across your face and you look down embarrassed, “No, not from the 1800s. Promise I’m not that old. Since I’m half dead I still age.”

“Really? So how old are you then?” He asks, suddenly intrigued.

“We’ll let’s see,” you hum, trying to recall everything. “I died when I was 11, that was what, 8 years ago?”

“You’re 19?”

“That sounds right.” You nod, letting out a small huff. “And you Spider-Man?”

He’s caught off guard by the question being flipped, “Oh, just turned 20.”

“You’re still living with your aunt ?” You tease, poking his chest lightly.

“I’m in college!” He defends as he throws his hands up. “Also, don’t talk to me about living with my aunt! You’re technically living with her too!”

You roll your eyes, letting another laugh escape your lips. “I guess you got me there bug boy.”

Peter smiles, looking you up and down. “You never did answer my question about why you no longer sound so sophisticated.”

“You didn’t ask it as a question, you stated it. And it’s because I get nervous around people and I freeze up.” You admit, looking over at the still wet shower.

“You get nervous? You’ve watched me strip twice now, got in the shower with me, slept next to me, oh and sewed my chest up.” He looks at you in disbelief, motioning to his practically naked body to prove his point.

“Yeah well, I’m assertive. But still nervous. I don’t know! I just want to go to bed. Let’s go.” You stutter, stepping back through the wall and disappearing.

Peter shuffles to grab his suit, exiting the bathroom and making his way back into his room. “Unfair advantage.” He deadpans, looking over to where you’re already laying on his sheets.

“Hurry up, I want to sleep so when I wake up I’m back in the other world.” You mumble. Closing your eyes as Peter changes into his pajamas.

You feel the bed dip before you hear his voice again. “Other world?” He whispers, shuffling closer to your now fully solid body. You feel his arm slowly wrap around you as he pulls you into his warm body.

“Yes, it is a lovely place. It’s like earth but clean. I live in a small cottage, and just a ways down the road is the city. Where you can buy food and go to the carnival. It’s a place without work, where everything simply runs on its own.” You whisper back, snuggling closer to Peter. “I don’t know why I can’t stay, at least why I don’t get to stay permanently. There are a few of us like that. Bound to walk the earth for 12 out of the 24 hours. That is why I’m gone when you wake. I go back to the other side.”

Peter stares at you in amazement, wishing he could follow you there. “Do you wish you were there permanently?” He asks after a moment.

Your eyes open, locking with his pretty brown ones. “No Peter, I wish I was alive.”

+++

TAGLIST

[innocent-artery]

Stain (Part Three)

2.6k words

In which Sirius realizes that he loves you in a different way than the other Marauders.

Part One - Part Two - Part Three - Part Four - Part Five - Part Six coming soon!

Summary: Sirius is dealing with the trials that come with being in love with his best friend. It isn't terribly convenient, to say the least.

Pairing: Bestfriend!Sirius Black x reader

For the sake of avoiding spoilers, extensive warnings will not be given. Reader discretion is advised.

While reading, I recommend listening to secret hiding spot kinda love, a spotify playlist by me!

~

Sirius Orion Black had a reputation for his flawless nonchalance. He was known to be able to make anyone weak in the knees with just a look. He was used to knowing he had control of the situation, whatever it may be.

So why did he feel so beaten down lately?

He knew the reason. It had taken him a hell of a long time to figure it out, but with a verbal smack upside the head from the all-knowing Moony, he had come to a conclusion that, under the current circumstances, was sickening.

He was in love with you.

He had never regretted you. Never regretted knowing you. He'd rather die than be separated from you. But sometimes he wished he didn't feel like he was going to crumble when he passed you in the hallways, standing with the boy with whom you were in a relationship, for some godforsaken reason.

Jack. He was a good guy. But Sirius knew better than to believe that you were dating him because you were truly romantically or sexually attracted to him.

This was his repeating thought every time he saw the guy, with an eye roll and an uncharacteristically grumpy silence when he had the nerve to hang out with you and your friends.

James and Peter seemed to like the guy okay. Not that they didn't still tease you about his being a bland character with zero intelligence or distinct personality, but they grew to accept that you liked him and respected that. Remus did too, but with his unique understanding of Sirius' affections towards you he managed to stay away from potentially uncomfortable comments like those from the blissfully unaware Prongs.

Sirius has begun to dress himself up more, if that was possible. He had once said that to only leave a shirt half buttoned was tacky, but now he has come to embrace the statement. His eyeshadow was a bit darker, tongue a bit flirtier in speaking with his newfound (what Remus called) "playmates". Perhaps he was attempting to get your attention, notice that he was more attractive than Jack. Maybe he was trying to convince himself that he was sexy all the same, and that your rejection was your loss. It was probably a bit of both.

He couldn't tell if it was working or not. You weren't as transparent as he wished you were. While you weren't begging on your knees, Sirius was never fully convinced you viewed him as nothing more than friends who had had a fling a month ago. He saw something in your eyes when the two of you laughed together that didn't appear when you laughed with Jack. There wasn't the same endearment, the same attention, the same life.

He hated that he couldn't shake the feeling that he had a chance with you.

He knew his feelings. He knew it was gnawing at him that he was in love with his best friend and you were cuddling up to someone else. He knew you were off limits by way of being in an official relationship with someone else.

But he didn't know if he could survive going on like this. He wanted to be frustrated. He wanted to be indignant and proud and carefree. At least when he had that he was motivated to move on with his life. But under the facade he had so stubbornly forced up, there was an ache in his chest. A sucky, hollow feeling that made him feel like a pile of bones in a bag made of flesh, unable to move.

And of this he was constantly reminded, once again on an evening where, once again, in a Hogsmeade booth, was you, Jack, Sirius, and your friends. You were up under Jack's arm (per your pulling it over your shoulders. You'd mentioned before that initiating physical affection wasn't Jack's strong suit. You were happy to do that for him, you'd said.) Sirius was between James and Remus on the other side of the table, tired eyes trained on you and your boyfriend. You were playing with his fingers, to which he paid no heed, laughing at something James had said. Jack pulled his hand free to gesture while he adds to the conversation. A pang of dejection flashed in your eyes when you gauged no response from him, shifting in your seat uncomfortably.

What is this guy doing? Doesn't he know anything? Sirius thinks.

You noticed Sirius' eyes taking in the sight of you being ignored, looking away in embarrassment. You didn't like that it was obvious to him that Jack wasn't very thoughtful. You didn't like that everyone had been right about Jack.

It had been an odd predicament with Jack lately. Sometimes it was wonderful. He was great to talk to, funny. But some part of you felt like it wasn't complete. Like there was something missing in the relationship, like you weren't completely happy. And unfortunately for you, this was obvious. Particularly to Sirius, who you could tell was always biting his tongue to keep from making comments.

Speaking of Sirius, he'd been oddly distant from you lately. Still a kind friend as always, but he wasn't joined at the hip with you as he used to be. You missed it dearly. Could it have been because of Jack, you wondered? Did he feel he'd been replaced, left out?

"We're due back soon. Are we about ready to go?" James announced suddenly, bringing your attention back to the present. His question was met with general 'yes's and the group standing and placing sickles on the table.

On your way back, you found yourself falling behind with Remus. Jack had run into his group of friends and, after asking you, had trailed off with them.

"So."

You raised a brow. "So?"

"How are things?"

You knew what he was referring to. Were you really that transparent?

"You know, there's no shame in telling me anything."

"I know. Things are good. We've got some work to do, but that comes with all relationships I suppose."

Remus seemed not to believe you but didn't press further. He huffed a breath that billowed into a crisp cloud from his lips. He nodded to a person with long, wispy dark hair flowing around a beige coat and purple scarf as they came down the road from the other way. They smiled briefly before stopping to talk to Sirius, linking arms with him and falling into deep conversation.

You watched the link of Sirius' arms with the person. You'd seen them around school, they were a Ravenclaw in your year.

You learned over to Remus. "Who's that?"

He glanced at the person, then at you. "Max Telling. They're in Ravenclaw."

"I know that."

Remus gave you a look. "I don't believe they're an exclusive item, if that's what you're getting at."

"Playmates?"

"I believe so, but it's really none of my business."

"How do you know this?"

"James and Peter always ask when they see him running around with someone. He usually tells them."

You opened your mouth to give a silent 'oh'. You watched the pair trod up the hill. Sirius seemed happy. Your heart sank, for some godforsaken reason.

Your mind was elsewhere for the rest of the night. Even when Jack had come back to kiss you goodnight and Max had left to their own common room, you couldn't stop thinking about how or why you felt shitty. By the time the fire in the common room had dwindled and you were alone with a glass of water and your thoughts, you were still at a loss for a firm answer.

Sirius was along the same lines himself. He was well aware of his feelings, but they still tormented him. He didn't want to think he was better for you, that was a bit presumptuous- though Remus had validated the idea (this did not help Sirius suppress his feelings whatsoever).

His brain was a rainstorm when he decided to head downstairs for a clearer head. Quite the opposite was served to him when he found you curled up on the couch, spaced out. His heart clutched at the sight of you in the firelight, comfortable and thoughtful. He pushed the feeling away before shaking his head with a sad smile and sitting on the arm of the couch and poking the side of your head.

"How're you feeling, kid? You're looking a little out of it."

Your head turned slowly, dazed from the sudden redirection of attention. "I'm older than you. And I'm fine, just thinking."

"About?"

"I dunno. Something's just been off lately, I can't quite put a pin on it." You sighed, reaching to sip your drink.

"It's Jack, isn't it?"

You nearly choked on your water. When you regained composure, you set your glass down rather aggressively.

"For your information, Jack and I are doing perfectly fine." Not entirely true, but you'd die before you admitted he was right.

"Then why are you so apprehensive?"

"Because you and the guys and everyone else have been telling me that I shouldn't be dating Jack for whatever reason. Is there something about him I should know?"

"No. There's not much to him, really." Sirius shrugged, hands in his pockets.

You glared at him, standing up and placing your hands on your hips. "I'd appreciate it if you'd stop making comments like that. He's a nice guy and you're just going to have to get used to the fact that he's just not as exciting as you and that's fine."

"I don't care what he's like. I care that you're wasting your time with him. We all know he's not a good fit for you." Sirius pushed off the couch' arm, standing a few feet from you.

"For Merlin's sake, Sirius!" you threw your hands in the air incredulously. "Why is it that you're still on this? Everyone else has been able to come around on Jack!"

"Because they're not in love with you!"

Oh.

Oh.

Christ.

"Sirius..." You felt yourself cave in to your own body, arms wrapping around yourself as the reality of the situation crashed down on you. He seemed to be at a loss for anything else to say, standing there shaking despite the warmth. His eyes reflected fear, breathing heavy and standing in a manner almost like a scared puppy.

You inhaled, choosing your words carefully. "Sirius. You're my best friend. And you know I care about you, so much."

"No..."

"But I can't return that."

Sirius' heart stopped right then and there. It sank into his stomach, throat clutching.

"You know that's not true." His voice was weak.

"It is. I can only be friends with you."

"Why?" Sirius' voice broke on that note, swallowing as if in an attempt to hold his composure.

"Because I'm dating Jack."

"Bullshit." He spat, turning to pace a circle before coming back. "You don't love him. It's obvious. I've seen the two of you."

You were taken aback at his change of demeanor. "That's got nothing to do with it."

"It has everything to do with it! You're not in love with him because you're in love with me."

"Stop it!"

"Think about it!" Sirius was beginning to regret his outburst. You were persistent in your stance, he was beginning to think he was overstepping. But he knew he was right. He had to be. Right?

"No, you think, Sirius." You pointed an accusatory finger into his chest, glaring at him. "You have no right to start making claims like that."

"Then prove me wrong." He held out his hands, exasperated though no less terrified than he was the instant he said he was in love with you. "Are you in love with me?"

You paused, watched him for a moment.

"If you say no, I'll drop it. We'll never talk about this again. But I need to hear it."

The look on his face made your lip quiver. Why did you feel shaken? Why did you feel less and less sure the more this argument went on?

A long pause filled the air, the tension thick. Your heart was pounding in your ears as you opened your mouth.

"It doesn't matter. I'm with Jack, and you should respect that."

"You didn't answer the-"

"Just stop it, Sirius!" Your hands were at the roots of your hair, attempting to let out frustration. Teeth gritted and tears forming in your eyes, blurring your vision as you stared with fury at the dark-haired boy. "You had me in the palm of your hand. For months. And you never did anything. Never made us anything more than friends with benefits. You can't just waltz back in and say you're in love with me the minute I'm dating someone else! That's not how this works." You turned on your heel, storming up to the girls' dormitory with a slammed door that made Sirius flinch.

What had he done?

~

Remus had heard shouting downstairs, but he hadn't paid mind to it until heavy footsteps came thumping up, followed by the door to the dormitory slowly opening.

Remus looked up, and part of him wished he hadn't. The sight made his heart hurt.

Sirius looked pathetic. His shoulders were sagged, hair uncharacteristically messy, likely from running his hands through it. His face was red and soaked with tears, eyes bloodshot.

"Padfoot." He breathed, dropping his papers and rushing to his friend's side. Sirius curled into Remus at first contact.

"I fucked it up Moony. I should've just kept my mouth shut." Sirius sobbed, clutching Remus' shirt. Remus rubbed his friend's shoulder, sighing.

"You told them?" Remus knew the answer. He knew Sirius couldn't just cry a little and get over it- he didn't blame the guy. The raven-haired boy needed to have a thorough expulsion of emotion and collection of thoughts.

"Let's sit down." Remus murmured, guiding Sirius to his bed and helping the boy lay against his shoulder. After crying and attempting to splutter out the story only to be hushed, Sirius finally told Remus everything that had happened between you and him that night.

"I think I was out of line. Maybe I read too much into it, I assumed too much." Sirius muttered.

Remus knew the truth. Sirius wasn't entirely wrong to say you were in love with him. He wanted to comfort his friend, but that wasn't his place to say. He sighed heavily, mulling over what to say.

"Well, you were out of line to make assumptions." He replied, slowly and carefully, "but I don't think it's unsalvageable."

Sirius looked up at the brunet with disbelief. "How? How, Moony, how is that possible?"

"Because you two are best friends. Give it time, then apologize."

Sirius stared at the bedpost, or rather, his eyes were pointed at it. He was lost in thought, playing out the scenario. Fresh guilt still gnawed at him, it was hard to picture a reality in which you forgave him.

Meanwhile, you didn't sleep a wink that night. You spent an hour or two fuming, pacing rapidly around the dormitory while you regaled Lily with the epic tale of Sirius claiming you were in love with him. The rest of your roommates heard your fury-filled voice and soon you had a small audience.

It shook you a little when Marlene and Dorcas simply looked at one another, then back at you, not sharing in your rage. Mary could only give you a sympathetic shrug.

You huffed, trudging to the bathroom to splash cold water over your face.

Why the hell wouldn't they side with me? He was out of line!

You tapped the edge of the sink rapidly, racking your brain. They didn't think he was right, did they?

Oh.

Oh Merlin, help.

~

@sleepybookworm21 @jack1n @turvi @louleele @fangirlofbooksandpasta @valvlry @an-naxiety @queerqueenlynn @vyctorya

Part One - Part Two - Part Three - Part Four - Part Five - Part Six coming soon!

Sirius Black Masterlist

Harry Potter Masterlist

Main Masterlist

[joonkorre]

likened to a deepsea diver

@drarrymicrofic prompt: travel

Harry spot Malfoy standing outside an H-E-B, watched him frown squinty-eyed and ruddy-cheeked under the mid-July sun as a little, equally-as-blond girl tried to climb into his shopping cart. That was 15 years after the war. But this isn't about that. This is about Willow City Loop. Or, a tentative love letter to Texas and the places there that I’ve never been. AO3

Draco sits with his feet up on the dashboard. It’s all kinds of dangerous and not something Lyra should see and learn from the backseat, but Harry only taps on the steering wheel, quiet. Just two years ago, Draco would never be caught dead like this, loose-limbed and soft in a cotton T-shirt. Harry’s cotton T-shirt. Lyra, too, would never let herself be in an enclosed space with another man who wasn’t her father. The both of them, pale and gaunt, were a sobering sight to witness. Unreachable in their posh accent and eccentric traditions and constellation names. But Lyra had let out a giddy “oooh” when Harry invited them to this weekend trip, and Draco had laid a gentle, callused hand on Harry’s shoulder, peeking at the worn map and the line of red marker to their destination. And so Harry signals right and merges into 87, hoping that the guidebook was right.

It was not.

“That’s a lot of people,” Draco says, craning his neck this way and that to look at the traffic ahead. “I thought we arrived early?”

“Guess everyone thinks so too,” Harry bites back a sigh. He’s not even holding the steering wheel at times, just tap-release-tap-releasing the brakes into a crawl.

“Do you reckon I can sit over there for a bit? By the big tree?” Lyra asks. Harry almost can’t hear her above the constant drone of engine and honking, but Draco does and whips around in his seat. In the back, she has rolled down the window and poked her head out.

“Sit down, Lyra, for Merlin’s sake,” he scolds. “You’re gonna get your head chopped off.”

Jesus, Harry thinks, a startled laugh almost escaping him as he watches them.

“That’d be fun, wouldn’t it?” the young girl says, now with her elbows on the window sill. “Like in that movie you didn’t let me watch.”

“Yeah, and you watched it anyway. No library trip for two weeks.”

“What the hell!” she shouts into the watercolour meadow. Probably because she can, and probably because it’s funny. Harry does laugh this time.

Draco’s head tilts toward him, light eyes almost transparent in the morning sun.

“Do you mind stopping the car? I have to go feed her to the bisons or—whatever it is that you raise in Texas.”

Harry shrugs. “The closest bison ranch I can think of is, like, 30 miles away. That’s a long walk.”

“Damn,” Draco frowns as though truly disappointed, then he shifts around again. “Lyra, sit back down. If you really get your head chopped off, I’m gonna sick up all over the dash and it’ll be disgusting. Save me from the indignity.”

One car honks, then another. Harry jolts, turning to see a swath of empty road in front of him. He lifts his foot off the brake, letting it move at a safe enough speed for a little girl with half her body hanging out of the window.

“Lyra,” he raises his voice. “Listen to your dad and get back inside. Now.”

A second of silence, then shuffling. Harry makes sure Lyra is pulling her torso back in using the rearview mirror, and she sits down with a thump. He lowers his gaze to the road, rolls up the window, and accelerates.

“The drivers are nicer today than usual,” he says after a minute or so. “They normally wouldn’t let people dawdle for that long.”

“I only listened ‘cause Dad likes you,” Lyra says at once, picking up her book. That’s Lyra Code for being done with her shenanigans for the day, and she’d like to sit daintily in her daydreams now, thank-you-very-much. A regular southern belle, her, and she was born in Ashford too.

Draco scoffs and looks out the window, face fully hidden from Harry’s angle. “Christ…”

It’s so childish, this ache in his chest. There’s an equally as intense ache on his face, stretched into a grin that feels instinctual, a base response etched in his genetics, like something he has to apologise for and stamp down. Harry reaches over and finds Draco’s hand, curled stiff into a fist on knobbly knees.

But at Harry’s touch, it unfurls. One blink, and Harry has already intertwined their fingers in the next. He keeps his eyes on the road, not really needing to look at the bluebonnet after all.

“I know, hon,” he says. The hand in his tightens for a brief moment, like a warning or a message or an agreement. The sun only gets brighter. When they get back home—their home (theirs, theirs, theirs) with an honest-to-God white picket fence that Lyra had too much fun painting and that the HOA detests, as well as a pie on the kitchen window, one of many culinary experiments Draco embarks upon—they’ll have a lot to discuss. “I know.”

[sonny-whorezik]

haiii ... like a week short of a month since i left everything.... i just wanted to use as Journal and catch up before i do Fully return to social media, gettin rid of the app after this post yet again:

has . been . rough. grief has been consistent the last month from my best friend and now ex leaving me, losing that new job due to being physically sick from grief and being unemployed an additional month, my best best friend my dog, sage, passed away last friday and although i left to drive to kansas i just didn't make it in time. She has wind chimes over her grave and passed listening to the sound of the wind chime my great grandma left for me. two days after her passing marked the First Full Year since my grandpa passed away, i had a dream the night before where we drove around looking at christmas lights with people no longer in my life and he just looked so so sad. i am consistently physically alone; i facetime a couple friends but i go outside alone, sleep/wake up alone, eat alone, this has been going on since i left arizona in november Most of my time is spent completely alone.

ive tried new habits. i meditate and stretch in the morning and night. i read a page a day of a stoicism book my dad got me last year with a propeller hat. i see a therapist weekly, wake up earlier, even floss now. The complete back to back to back grief has left me no choice but to just Do Something. while i would Love to share something with someone its best i reserve it to myself, yet here i am vacantly sharing my last month to who knows who...

my friend invited me to see stop making sense last night in a farther town, showed the original film not the remastered and general admission was all standing and everyone acted as if it was a real concert dancing and singing. this was my 6th time seeing it in a theater. did not cry once yet celebrated the experience i have had and although i will never have anything quite like i did with someone quite like them, at least i had it for a good portion of my life. had to devote this must be the place to myself, foreign. to be completely transparent, i do miss them every day. i do not cry like i used to, i dont let myself get consumed by thought and feeling, ive grown more desensitized as time has passed, but i still miss them of course. i consistently see things that remind me of them even when theyre not on my mind and when sage died i wanted to reach out so terribly; reminisce of the fort we built where she slept with us and i had no one to talk to but my mom who was with her til the end. i didnt. i havent reached out. it is not my place given they were the one to leave i just will not keep reaching out and chasing someone who sounded so blatantly apathetic on our last phone call. i tell myself it was just a form of self preservation to them but yknow. like. that's it, i have no choice but to experience grief with self compassion and continue on, wherever that goes.

i may be starting TMS treatment , having magnets zap my brain 5 days a week, 6 weeks. i see a cardiologist on the 30th since my chest frequently hurts and both ekgs have concerns in the pause between beats. my pulse at resting is consistently around 120 yet my blood pressure is fine; who knows. well i guess ill know actually in 10 days. im finishing a vape, got a full pack of cigarettes ive yet to touch yet plan to quit smoking here soon in hopes it helps. maybe after my pack to eliminate temptation yet not waste my money... i bought it an hour before sage passed. i barely drink coffee and dont use energy drinks anymore i do what i can for my heart now.

atticus still sleeps with me, most nights. sometimes he wanders the living room when i cant sleep. im almost halfway through galapagos. i washed my sheets for the first time since buying them in august. im very much alone and this is all fine i tell myself. the stoicism has encouraged me to alter my perspective on things more rationally as opposed to the wired self deprecating and depression-based "take everything personally" thought processes ive had for 18 years. im on my phone significantly less and i even wrote a piece on piano i may share after this post. ive been transposing it to cello, my grandma requested.

i have no interest in perusing anyone anytime soon still, whether its still too early or what i think i do just Need to do these things alone for a while. ive never found sole stability in others, i learned this at 6 with my dad, yet while outside aid would help, it is not a requirement to live however. forgive me for how long this is and for leaving once again there are a few of you i used to talk to daily and now ive just got a few contacts in my phone.

despite chronic mental illness, mourning, loneliness, you name it, ive never taken this approach before. i will typically have a suicide attempt yet here i am doing a pancake stretch and ommm-ing every morning. i keep as busy as i can, today i went through every single thing i own to sort donations and the day before i deep cleaned. there is a box wrapped in a blanket of some of the things that remind me of them. i went through it today and brought out some things like the books theyve given me, it doesnt hurt as much anymore to remember. im donating the mugs i never gave them and the one theyd use at my house when theyd come over. all their letters havent been reread yet sit in between the photo of us in the cave. it was nice to see. i am so honored they let me, of all people, share these experiences with them. i am more thankful it happened then miserable itll never happen again; at least i had it for a while. i say this yet if a year passes and i hear from them, i would love to reconnect: hear how their life has been, what they've been doing, how their family is and if they are doing better. if this has helped. while for 6 years i believed they were really it for me, whether we ever dated or not ive always considered them the only one who Really Knew who i was, how i worked, you name it. although im "moving on" by taking care of myself more, it is upsetting to admit if i ever have a chance again, id take it in a heartbeat. i say this yet still believe Even if i do never get a chance, that's okay too. While i would, i dont anticipate it, rely on it, sit in denial "theyll surely come back," its alright if they never do. i live each day as if they never will yet to my core do know that i would try again

a knee ways .. i hope you, whoever reads, is doing okay, that you feel alright and what not. you dont have to feel good every day, but at the least alright i hope ... not sure if/when ill come back maybe just once a month im unsure yet .was just in a solid enough state to do this for a moment . wish you all well ,

[stxllanutxlla]

Emotional

Ft. Diluc

You hate yourself for being this emotional. Ever since you were a kid you've always cried about little things much more likely about tripping or maybe even when your food accidentally fell.

You've distanced yourself from things that you think will make you cry. What confused you tho is the color of your tears; purple with a hint of a pinkish-reddish color. But you shrugged it off, you saw many kids weeping and they all have varied colors. But what confused you, even more, is why your parents have clear ones but then you suddenly remembered,

"Listen, Honey. Once you found your soulmate, your tears will turn into something like ours. Transparent like water. Oh, I'm so glad you have a soulmate... I hope he or she takes care of you well."

Anyways, now that you're an adult, your emotions started to bottle up and you can surely keep them to yourself now. Or so you thought.

1st Pov

'I will never be able to find my soulmate.' I assumed, sulking about the notion of being alone forever. I started to feel tears at the edge of my eyes. I stopped walking, clenching my fists. 'No! No crying here!'

I somehow managed to do so. I sighed in relief and continued walking my way to Mondstadt; my next destination.

Minutes pass by and I finally arrived at what looked like a bridge- 'That's dumb, of course, it's a bridge.' I thought to myself.

I saw a kid who was seemingly waiting for someone- or maybe he just watching the birds.

I shrugged and continued walking along the bridge causing some of the birdies to fly away. I looked at the boy- if looks could kill I would be dead right now.

I started shaking. 'WHY WOULD I BE SCARED OF A KID!?' I blinked several times, building up the courage to approach the kid. Before he could speak, I showed him the box of bird seeds my mother gave me- for an emergency when I need food. "Here!" I blurted forthwith.

He gave me a doubtful look but eventually accepted the small box. "Just- get some seeds in there a-and throw it on the floor. The birds will come back!" I said, resisting looking at the kid.

"They do come back usually even without this... But what happens if one day they leave and never come back again?" he said, looking at the box of bird food. "Just like Daddy..."

It was getting quite awkward, I don't know how to comfort someone since I'd been alone ever since my parents gave me independence. I stalked my way out while he was distracted by the box.

Finally reaching the gate, the guards both greeted me saying: "Welcome to Mondstadt!", "Mondstadt welcomes you!"

I smiled at them, actually feeling welcomed. I continued my way and asked a girl who goes by the name 'Flora' and asked which way was Angel's share- from what I've heard, they sell fine drinks.

"I supposed you're new here," she said with a warm smile. "Just go straight to your right and you'll see it! Here, have some dandelions, it's on the house!"

I accepted it and said thank you with a nice and friendly smile. Following her directions, I went on my way not before hearing someone say, "Gosh! All I could think about is Diluc!" a little too loud.

'She sounds obsessed, and she shouldn't be saying that out loud! The Diluc guy might hear her and think that she's some crazy person-' my thoughts got caught off when I arrived at the said tavern.

Opening the door halfway, I saw a flash of Red. Curiously, I opened the door fully and saw a fine young man at the bartender station; cleaning the mug he was holding and putting it back in place.

Finally aware of my presence, he stoically greeted me and told me to sit anywhere I like. I did what was told and sat in front of him.

"What would you like?" he asked, staring right into my eyes. I glanced around feeling my self-confidence go down a bit. My eyes started watering but I quickly blinked them away. He seems to notice the tears and gave off a confused and puzzled look right at me. "You're new here, aren't you?"

Finally looking at him but not directly in his eyes- I answered, "Yes... Do you have something to recommend?" It was a quiet answer but that's all I could muster up.

"If you're fond of wine then, I recommend you our Dandelion wine. If not then, Grape juice is the best we could offer, tho I could also add Apple juice to the list," he said.

The thought of grape juice made my eyes shine, and he noticed it- giving a soft but small smile.

"It seems like we're going to be close."

3rd Pov

It's been a month now. Y/N learned his name was 'Diluc'- the guy that the obsessed girl mentioned- it was him. Y/N managed to be friends with him and which shocked some of the people from Mondstadt.

For a Pyro vision holder, he has such a cold demeanor. Y/N Has also met his brother who goes by the name 'Kaeya'. Y/N didn't know why they hated each other not about their history, but Y/N can wait until Diluc is comfortable telling their history to them.

2nd Pov

You've stayed in Angel's share longer than usual, the people who usually go here already went out. Here you are holding a bottle of Grape Juice- your arms crossed at the table and your head resting on them.

Diluc sighed, "I'm done here." he said putting the clothing back in its place. He heard sobs and turned to look at you. He has learned that you are emotional over little things, and he accepted that.

"Why are you crying? You're not even drunk" he said in a harsh tone which he didn't intend to do so. That causes you to cry more.

You tried containing your sobs but it seems you just can't.

Diluc doesn't know what to do but he chooses to approach you. "Hey, Hey. What's wrong?" He pats your back.

"I-'m not- gonna... M-meet my soulmate now... D-Do I?" you said in between your sobs.

Diluc stared at you for a moment and eventually decided to seat with you. "How come?" he asked raising a brow.

After seconds of trying to calm yourself tears still pouring like waterfalls, you answered, "There's this book that I read and- i-its just weird that- the archons choose our tears to be the bridge way towards our s-soulmate..." you chuckled dryly. You finally looked up at him with puffy red eyes, tears still pouring. "I-I mean- there are many people who like the same flavor."

Diluc unconsciously moved his right hand toward your face- wiping your purple reddish tears. He brings his hand back and looks at it. He began to lick it.

Your eyes widen and your mouth is agape, not expecting him to lick it. He put his hand down and looked at you. The look that you can't quite describe. He slowly leaned in on your face and began licking and sucking your tears. You closed your eyes to the feeling, your tears started slowing down.

As Diluc was finished, he leaned back but not fully. You opened your eyes and looked at him directly.

"Grape juice, huh?"

Then suddenly, the tears slowly flowing down your cheek turned clear. "I guess you got to meet your soulmate." he mused, holding your left cheek and leaning in again but this time for a tender kiss. You kissed back, admiring how his warm and soft lips fit perfectly to yours and enjoying the moment while it lasted.

Kissing turned out longer than you expected and it soon became heated. Grabbing his shoulder, and pulling him deeper into your make-out session as he gripped your hips tightly and pulled you up on his lap. Tonight, you're willing to change your whole if it's for his sake or if he orders you to do so.

ع˖⁺ ☁⋆ ୭ 🕊.⋆｡⋆༶⋆˙⊹ - VentiOfficial / stxllanutxlla

[addictivepsychology]

Day 66

I feel like I’m relying too much on outside sources for happiness lately

I feel like my vacations are making me this way and it’s frustrating to have no baseline

I slept over at hippies house for two nights now,

I’m not sure if it makes my cup feel full or empty,

Because I can’t read your mind and I don’t think you’re telling me everything,

We slept together, it was unexpected half awake 6am, after a full night of cuddling, sweet touches, and heavy breathing,

I don’t know if I regret it yet, I guess I will soon

I gave you the lemon bars and roses , you said I made you feel like a prince, but you deserve it, we all deserve it

What have you given me in return though, you invite me to your house and the cuddles and small bits of insight are nice,

But not enough,

I haven’t figured out how to get more and have you open up yet, but I love a challenge

And toxicity is so attractive when it’s wrapped in a beautiful face

But I’m powerless , but it’s what I want ,

I guess we will see where the wind blows my feather heart

If you step on it while it’s mid air

The transparency being the reason

I’m so tired of work and everything being so negative,

I really want to cry again, every day there’s so much that’s wrong and I can’t please everyone when I only have 45 minutes a day

I don’t know what to do and I really want to quit

Can I just give up now

I don’t give up but I feel like I have no choice,

I’m just not good at this and I don’t know how to be and I don’t know if I want to be

This isn’t my dream,

I’m told that my dream is my calling so

Why am I stuck here

For money?

Never again

I texted you telling you I had a bad day and you called right away and listened,

You called again saying you had a free moment and you vented about your situation,

What a nice glimpse of the past relationships comfort

Fleeting moments that are second guessed by have a good evening and

Thoughts of I’d rather relax without you

I hope everything is okay, and I need to stop leaving every interaction with

I did something wrong

Rather, I love me

Someone else will too

Humans are gray and even years can’t pick apart minds that go for miles and miles

I’ll get really good sleep tonight and a lot of sleep hopefully

I can put that mistake behind me and not think about it anymore ,

I fall for so many people and things too easy

Every day a little bit

Every day is a small heartbreak, and I’m not sure why

I guess I’ll live for myself fully soon

I have to get a storage unit this weekend, my room might be mine for once soon

Just painting and yoga mat and comfortable space

[belamuse]

Geological Erotics

(Ansel Adams)

“Think like a mountain,” instructs the famous ecologist and philosopher Aldo Leopold in his book The Sand County Almanac. The essay documents Leopold’s realization that human scale can never truly apprehend or predict the complex, intertangled animacy of an ecosystem. When we kill off one animal or invasive species, we set off a cascade of unintended consequences. As Leopold notes, “Only the mountain has lived long enough to listen objectively to the howl of a wolf”. Only the assemblage of beings – the stones and streams and insects and fluidity of weather – can properly assess what attunements and shifts are necessary. Leopold’s exercise in holistic consciousness became a building block in modern ecological preservation and restoration. We must always admit that our human desires are insufficient in understanding complex systems. Still, it is important to try to imagine at larger scales, and to constantly be formulating ecology as an interrogative practice. What does the ecosystem want? What are the tides of weeds and pests and migrating animals telling us?

I grew up in the shadow of mountains. I slept in ancient rock shelters, lichen-licked, water filtered through mineralized time anointing my brow, blowing on embers in ashen bluestone bowls where the Lenape, hundreds of years prior, kept their own fires safe from the rain. I read weather in relationship to mountains. Thunderstorms purple as wood violets split at the summit like water forking around a stone in whitewater. Rain was sweeter, scattered, increasingly swept horizontal, the higher you climbed. Sometimes, I thought, my body only existed in resistance and relationship to the gradient up the flanks of Guardian Mountain. Suddenly, sweat budding along my spine, I could feel myself inhabiting my skin, straining to understand the texture and scent of a being so big I had to enter her to understand her. Often, by the time I reached the lookout, I had done that thing that fellow mountain lover Nan Shepherd describes in her eco-memoir The Living Mountain, “Walking thus, hour after hour, the senses keyed, one walks the flesh transparent. But no metaphor, transparent, or light as air, is adequate. The body is not made negligible, but paramount. Flesh is not annihilated but fulfilled. One is not bodiless, but essential body.” My breath, my sweat, my sighs and exclamations, my sight, refracted photons from my irises, had all poured out of me into the birches, the firs, the glacial erratics impervious to my flesh, but tenderly supporting me, shaping me nonetheless.

(Nan Shepherd and her mountains)

“Mountains’ walking is just like human walking,” the 13th century Zen master Dōgen instructs in his enigmatic Mountains and Waters Sutra. When, barely fifteen, I first encountered this Zen sermon, I recognized a logic large enough for mountains, and wholly incomprehensible to human beings. “Because green mountains walk, they are permanent,” writes Dōgen. “Green mountains are neither sentient nor insentient. You are neither sentient nor insentient.” Mind is of very little consequence in the sutra. Being, feeling, and interrelationship are given spiritual primacy. The syllogisms abound, until the reader is fully disoriented. And then, they are obliterated by simplicity: “Mountains belong to the people who love them.”

Many years later, reading Nan Shepherd, I once again found words that fit my experience of mountains more so than Leopold’s philosophical imperative. Shepherd muses, “So, simply to look on anything, such as a mountain, with the love that penetrates to its essence, is to widen the domain of being in the vastness of non-being. Man has no other reason for his existence…” This is, as she describes it, to“discover most nearly what it is to be. I have walked out of the body and into the mountain.”

Hiking the mountain, I think of the term “orogeny” which means the process, or birth, by which mountains are formed. The earth’s crust folds and constricts, grinds and buckles up to form the humps we worship with the soles our feet, the symbol of perspective, the only vantage point where landscape as an idea becomes visual, the slant and matter that summons the kinetic flutter of our bodies. Or, like the mountains I live beside, they are born through death, through subtraction. They are stone melted, triturated down, sculpted by glaciers. When is a mountain done being born? When it dies? When does a mountain die? Every storm blows sediment away from its shape, flakes away its cliffs and deepens its gullies. Because green mountains walk, they are permanent, Dōgen explains. Because they change, they are strung like a string between birth and death, constantly sending an animate wave between the two poles that are neither destination nor origin. The music of the mountain is sedimented, time solidified, but still walking. Changefully permanent. It walks through your feet. Feet that slowly, hike by hike, palm pressed into a limestone slab again and again, begin to give birth, or death, to the mountain. The mountain walks me back into my body, and as I walk and change the shape of the mountain, I walk into its birth process, and its death process.

Thinking the mountain still feels tied to a Cartesian dualism that does not live in my body. I love the mountain too much to think like it. I want to feel like it. What does it feel like to be ice’s sculpture, to be crowned by a thousand rattlesnake bodies? What does it feel like to unslip stone from stone, rising into the sky only to recede and erode under the cloud’s constant tongue lick of moisture and monsoon and snow? Is it delicious to feel the roots of aspens and birches and pines and rhododendrons and mountain laurel questioning your shale skin? Do you desire with your swarming fungi and bacteria? Do you ride the plurality of their appetites for dead wood and leaves, enjoying your vastness, occasionally condensed into the pinprick intensity of a mycorrhizal hyphae?

(The Catskill Mountains)

Dawn, stratums of strawberry and iris-blue, I sit on Beaver mountain and find I have walked the body translucent. I can’t remember where my skin ends and the mountain begins. Looking out at the wall of the cache blue valley, summer vibrating inside a snakeskin sheath of green leaves, I realize that I can really feel it. Every mote of dust. My desire doesn’t need another person. It doesn’t even need me. It wants to be poured into the world. It wants to feel itself as a wave of matter, a crescendo of stone, poised, summiting, ecstatically and erotically strung between life and death.

Sunrise at Beaver mountaintop 🌅

Further Reading:

Moon in a Dewdrop: The Writings of Zen Master Dōgen,

The Sand County Almanac by Aldo Leopold,

and The Living Mountain by Nan Shepherd

[pollenofpoetry]

I see a person…

I see a person at a distance away, Trying to read on to its every ray. Estimating his mixed emotions at the sight, Uncertain of his might or plight. Silently, getting to know him is a dare, As in talks could cost me a fare.

The person is confused, That is what I deduced. There seems to be a heavy loss, Even before the decision by a toss. To do or not to do seems his hassle, With further actions that need redressal.

The thing that makes him pleased, Which is the same thing that put him uneased. In this situation of highs and lows, Being unaware of where to place his toes. All of this chaos inside, Getting his chaotic life outside.

The various subjects' presence or absence becomes a controversy, Putting him into full topsy-turvy. Cases seem of great importance, But on another side turn into a nuisance. Getting to draw a line, Which is likely very doubtful to define.

He listens to every comment, Turning it all into a tournament. Obeying the wish for once, Get out his wailing of a pounce. The person trying the best to break free, But does not have the guts to disagree.

The arguments of not his concern, And he is the one put to burn. The matter does get slipping, In its every dipping. The situation keeps getting worse, With the others without remorse.

The people are all at him to yell, But none of the focus is on what he is to tell. Suffocated in the atmosphere, All he smells is just fear. It is all that with a call, He seems to be thrown away as a ball.

A person pulls him off a task, Where he's said to bask. The merits do not receive the crown, With falsely accusing of a clown. His frustration seems quite visible, And the other person is still inconvincible.

The things asked time and again, Results in an inner peace unable to maintain. The attention is split-up, To the very tilt that comes up. Irritations pop up in each burp, With others getting various issues to usurp.

Incidences and inconveniences pull him off schedule, Leading to the reduction of his very fuel. Immensely trying to get to the tracks, Further widens the present cracks. Converts all of the opportunities, Leading to all huge scarcities.

The aspects he desires for savoury, Remaining unfulfilled with his trust in delivery. He shows visuals as transparent, But it all appears to be translucent. With every phase, it gets to double, Further, tackling it on every stumble.

His beliefs put aside, Compelling him on something else to ride. Turning to fully hollow, Making it tedious for him to follow. Yet he appears to be sinking, On the over-loaded pressure of thinking.

Listening to the consistent blabbering, He tends to go on tapering. He seems bucked up, But others have issues with what he tucked up. In the severe anguish of choice, The cries are unheard in all the noise.

His correct or wrong is solely his discretion, And the people never fail to put in their aggression. Having his utmost precision, The others have hesitation. Getting all of what he needs, He ends up being with the weeds.

Being attacked in both ways, Is what for long that he brays. Left with no other option, The things he receives is just opinion. Unable to find a way to the road, He gets on burdened by his heavy load.

Others do give him a promise, Later meets its demise. Pampering him just for greed, He is left to bleed. The internal deficiency strikes back and forth, Putting a question on his worth.

He craves his personal space, And someone or the other comes at his face. The inability to speak his mind, Getting his inner stability to grind. In all, having many to speak, He ends up with nothing to seek.

I got a sudden jolt of distraction, Bringing me to the realisation. In reality, I was looking in the mirror, Unknowingly, getting to know my interior. The ease that turned into a shock, Finally obliges me to take care of my stock.

My mind became a completely lost bee, I quietly close my eyes for the other thing to see. Keeping the frustrations and hesitations on hold, I enable the pleasures and satisfactions to unfold. Patiently putting myself on wait, I have no fear of getting late.

I carefully analyse the good things I've got, Filling it to the brim of my pot. Understanding I am yet fortunate, That has now brought me to the present state. The will rejuvenates the hope, Making the best scenario to cope.

I look into things to improve, Setting myself to prove. I do get the resistance, And also have the very assistance. On the whole, answering the question, I ensure not to divert from its intention.

Opening my eyes, I see the same person, With all the differences in expression. The person is confident indeed, Rather than in the scarcity of his need. Breaking from the shackles of the scare, He now has a firm determination to resolve to pair.

[saturnblogs]

— 01. hiraya | liraya

THE ONCE SEPIA-TONED scenery of the forest was gradually changing to the mixture between a bright-colored yellow and glistening emerald scenery. The forest was quiet, the trees were taking their rest, and the only sound that could be heard was the low buzz from the Dagtang with its transparent-like wings that spanned as wide as the Mariposa while it tirelessly looked for a resting place.

Dagtang is a large species of the dragon fly family, similar with every feature but just a little bit bigger and spurts out white liquid called the ‘Dagta’, hence the name ‘Dagtang’. 

It usually rests under the soil and only comes out during the spring to look for food and roam around. It was also a survival season for them since they are hunted for the white liquid they spurt out. 

For predators, it’s a nutritious part to eat and for people, it’s a medicine used in coughs and small wounds. However, there are some who hunt them for fun and collection.

A few feet away, calculated eyes gazed at this prince of the dragonflies, not moving and patiently waiting as the Dagtang flew near them. As if they sensed the prince slowly approaching their side, grabbing the wooden net made out of the thin branch of the Yakyaasha tree, and a cloth made out of Pineapple sewn around to make it good for catching insects or small creatures.

With an expert swift, they immediately scooped up the prince and easily transferred it into the small clay pot they brought. All of their movements were smooth and fast, clearly showing their experience in catching these princes. As they were sure that it was not going to be set off from its prison, they gave a satisfied hum and walked out of the forest.

Suddenly, the quiet forest made noises through the winds and the rustle of leaves. This expert knew they did something wrong. The forest was never forgiving for thieves unless they have valid reasons and this expert does have reasons.

So immediately they knel down, and placed their forehead on the ground, smelling the soil of Therra.

“Forgive me, I was too rush with my decisions and did not ask for permission to ask for one Dagtang to help my sister—she is in a bad health and only the white liquid from the Dagtang can help cure her”

They were expecting the forest would calm down but instead, their sway intensified and they only realized it when they heard foot steps from behind. 

“The forest knows when you lie, Hiraya” 

Hiraya sighed, scratching the cheek of their face. They got up and turned their direction to the new comer, “Ate Agila” 

A young woman shorter than Hiraya, covered with vibrant colors with variety of patterns from the head to the toe approached them. Their eyes covered with a patterned cloth but the material is thin so the wearer could still see where they are going despite fully covered.

The woman didn’t speak at first and just stared at Hiraya while their eyes wandered anywhere except their older sister. 

“Ah!” Hiraya exclaimed, their ear burned as their older sister twisted it intensely. “Ate Agila! I know I did wrong but—”

“If you knew your actions are wrong, then why do it? The Karaya forest are older than us, have swayed along with the guardians until their eternal sleep and you dare mock it?” 

Agila continued, and this was Hiraya’s cue to not listen.

It was the same speech over and over again—that you must pay respect to the forest like the elders of Arayan. They live longer than the elders around, they also probably know the reason why the Guardians were put in to an eternal sleep but for someone as young as Hiraya, they didn’t find anything about it interesting. 

Agila grabbed the net Hiraya used to catch the Dagtang; Before the child could even protest, the large Dagtang immediately flew, knowing the faster it flees, the faster it’s away from its captivity. 

“Why must you catch them? They didn’t do anything to you” 

“Ramil told me he’ll give me 10 Arans if I’m able to catch it. I could be rich by now, ate!” 

Agila furrowed her brows, “Don’t meddle with those boys… they bring nothing good to you. Promise me not to catch anymore of these creatures, no one wants to be a captive and sold off for 10 Arans. Promise me, Hiraya.” 

Hiraya couldn’t promise it yet they nodded, “I promise, ate” 

Agila raised her brow, not believing them, “Come on. I’ll have to dress you up, we have been invited by a merchant family.”

The child groaned, letting themselves be dragged by their older sister “Why must we always visit their celebrations? They only invite us out of courtesy and you only go there out of obligation.” 

Agila smiled, “You are still a child, my love. It’s for a peaceful relationship, I have to go there to let them know I’m okay with them.”

Hiraya didn’t speak. It was no use of arguing when their sister only sees their curiosity with naivety. However, Hiraya was not naive. They knew it was going to be a long night of fake courtesies.

[deadxlv]

Far Away Soul, White Cold Star 💫

“Father..I’ve..crossed the Stars..” Chapter: 8

Far above the clouds, away from all the destruction, I opened my eyes.. I felt no pain, I felt... warmth.. it is like I'm back home again, but I feel so light it's like.. I'm flying-" opening his eyes Hijìn wasn't in the desert, not even at the place where he was floating.. he was flying above the planet in space. In fear, he looked down seeing how far up he was putting his hands to cover his face thinks he was going to die, yet there was something off about him.. he moved his hands back and they were transparent.. not only transparent but they were glowing a light orange. "What happened to me.. am I- no.. am I dead.." Hijìn thought with a saddened look on his face, looking around and seeing millions of souls flying in the same path he is going.

He clenched his fists in disappointment believing he had truly failed Aba.. if only he could see him one last time. A touch.. a touch, and another.. the boy's attention was lost as he turned around and saw a familiar face, it was Kÿr and oddly enough he was exactly like his friend just now glowing with an odd Blue transparent body. "A-re we?" Asked Hijìn staring out at the abyss of space ahead "yup.. this is the end of the line friend, I never imagined death to seem so beautiful but so endless.. I'm sorry we couldn't win- if only we..". Kÿr was cut off by his friend who said "No.. I should've listened to my father.. I should have stayed home away and never caused this madness I don't want you taking responsibility". Kÿr stared at his friend with hollow white glowing eyes upset at the sentiment "But.." only to be met with silence.

  They stayed flying above the planet they once lived on to space and beyond slowly growing more and more empty. Was this really going to be the rest of their lives? Could this be the end? Hell, how could you even get out of this? Nevertheless, the world below them slowly rotated beneath them.. clouds flew by as time changed, and an expansive red continent passed down below them, followed by icy planes to expansive oceans. "I never knew the world was this beautiful.." Kÿr said as he held his friend's hand whilst they flew across the sky.

  Hijìn nodded in agreement, but this end wasn't good enough for him.. he wanted to be free- live a long life.. meet new people; In his desperation, he would let go of Kÿr's hand and try to swim down towards the planet again. In a sense of heart wrench, "W-wait!? What do you think you're doing?!" Exclaimed Kÿr, he was long since void of any hope.. ever since the Corpse died he knew things would never be the same only to watch his friend try and continue in a life he's lost. "I don't care what anyone says.. I don't care for anything- I'm not going to stay up here and slowly fade away.. I-I can't be sure if it but these people lost their colors and are white souls because they lost their identities by being here so long, you can stay here but I am living.. I AM LIVING!" Yelled Hijìn in desperation not wanting this to be the end.

  Kÿr watched on in hopelessness as his friend continued trying to swim down to the planet below, turning around and noticing something faint.. he jerked his body around to turn fully and his face grew emotionless. Far up in the sky, after being launched so hard by the Goddess the two's remains were shot to escape velocity speeds and ejected out to space, bodies frozen in the cold and torn to pieces by the speed and force Kÿr's soul watched in regret. "So we're stuck as Souls.. huh" He said in a depressed manner as the horizon to his right began to glow a soft purple.

  Hijìn who grabbed onto an asteroid hopped off and propelled himself further until he was stopped by a strange purple aura, the glow illuminated his orange transparent face. Looking up and over the horizon of the world, the purple glow would continue to shine then from the darkness an explosion of light came over all things. Hijìn's empty hollow white eyes widened as the figure of a woman rising up covered the planet's backside, she stretched across the whole planet and seemed to be made of stardust. Hijìn stopped and simply watched, never seeing something so incredible before- Kÿr holding onto his dead body's face turned around to see the woman and he grew agitated snarling "Fate.."

  The gigantic woman would awake opening her glowing white hollow eyes and rest her head on the planet, she appeared to be a spirit as well but for her sheer magnitude could she be a God?! Kÿr let go of his dead body and was about to shout out at the woman but before he could she silenced him by glancing at him. When she spoke the stars around them far away glowed like never before, the clouds turned pure white, and the two nearby giants which orbited the planet began to alternate in amazing colors. "Kÿr and Hijìn.. my two adorable sons, you did quite a mess on Almôra~ and sadly now you had to deal with one of the planet sisters Kudra..". Hijìn was outright scared and well-reasoned to, Aba had told him about Mother Fate and how cynical she could be with the punishment of individuals who pass their bounds making this interaction even the worse for the two.

  Mother Fate would seemingly sigh at the sight of the two boys whizzing above the heavens of their home planet, she would look around the surrounding worlds before softly smiling with her eyes at the two. "You two are pure-hearted souls.. I can see that by reading your past lives-" she glared at Kÿr again who was rolling around a bit off balance and feeling her eyes on him he stopped and stared embarrassed. "Can we go back..?" Hijìn proclaimed out to Mother Fate wanting to know, he was still fearless, still wanting to fix anything not wanting to stay in this ethereal plane forever. Mother Fate watched Hijìn and would smile "Although there isn't a true way to be brought back to life..I'll let this one instance fly over the heavens..just don't act a fool and get yourself killed again." she said getting serious at the last part.

  Hearing this news Hijìn grew so happy he started spinning around on the asteroid field before jumping over and bear hugging Kÿr who was taken back by such a gesture, but he felt there was a catch to it. "What's the catch.. I know you Fate.. there is always something to itch at the end of every reward" Kÿr said glaring at Mother Fate even though she bestowed upon him a second chance at life. She snickered as she gestured to stop playing. "Listen, my Son.. I have no reason to mess this time around, although I'd like for you to stop using my name to talk bad things.. ok? Now get going..I have many more important things to handle..and much more at work than it seems." she said as she flicked her hand, the boys would slowly start falling back down.

  However, before they could fall far enough another Fate would say one last thing "Hijìn". He would turn to face her curious while also being excited for his new shot- "Hijìn you have a very unique looking soul.. it's like your multiple individuals in one and it makes you beautiful- but my true message is.. when you make it down.. look for the North Star I promise you'll find comfort". He nodded only to feel something off-putting about the North Star. He opened his mouth to try and ask something, but it was too late and they began to fall towards the planet at an alarming rate. They appeared like comets in the sky coming down to crash down, the world seemed to rotate faster until it came down to the red continent below. "W-w-wait?! We aren't going to the Desert again?!" Kÿr said in confusion and shock as they rapidly approached "Fate you Fucking Bi!" he said just as they broke through the atmosphere.

  Mother Fate chuckled for a second knowing damn well that was her catch the whole time she just didn't feel bothered to mention it this time, she soon vanished amongst the stars leaving behind traces of stardust in her wake. Down below the boys made impact and landed in the red mega continent Valèrqä where many strange animals and vegetation exist upon. On impact the extremely tall trees were shaken harshly by the shockwave and out came the boys from their small crater, back in their bodies, back to their normal selves just in a brand-new world. The tendril in Hijìn's blind eye would quiver inside his head making him grow discomfort holding his head already getting strange feelings after just coming back from the dead.

  An Alien world unknown to them before is now upon the two to discover and survive on. It brings new perils never seen before and adversaries stronger than they could imagine- following their deaths Hijìn and Kÿr must find their way around this Forest and maybe just maybe find a way back to their home.

(Authors Note: This is the end of the first Arc of "Far Away Soul, White Cold Star". I hope you enjoyed it and want to see more, any criticisms or comments will help the furthering of this story in the future. I plan to make this very long with many coinciding arcs in the future.. The Desert was just the beginning, and many more adventures were to be seen. Just for the small introduction of the next Arc, have this snit-bit)

  Far away from the new arrivals on this Red new landscape, someone was watching from afar, they bore dark garbs and solemnly stared investigating what had recently arrived from the heavens above. The acts of Mother Fate had impacted the world below making seasonal changes to even the whole scale destruction in certain parts, these two could become an issue.. all that is left are two clear white eyes staring from the darkness until it vanished into thin air. Whole acres of trees combusting in the open air randomly, all is left to be seen and the Boys are the prime target now..

[senseibot-blog1]

Short story i wrote. There are a few world building details that you might fully understand, don't worry about it, the story is a part of a larger project, that if finished, will make everything clear.

Duty:

It takes me only a moment to understand what had happened. I remember it all so vividly too; we were marching into the battlefield, our war cries echoing into the night. It all happened so fast...

Arrows whistled above my head, swords and spears were clashing all around me. It was only a few minutes before i was already on the ground. That foul creature, that... undead, was standing above me, spear held tight, its tip lost inside of my chest. It was impossible to believe that it was once human... The ghoul giggled with malice, but its eyes were as empty as the void itself.

As i sit on the ground, staring down at the broken spearhead sticking out of my exposed ribcage, at my rotten, torn skin, and at the ethereal mist filling in the parts of my body that are no longer there. I cannot help but see my body as a puzzle with some missing pieces, but a clear image. A faint blue glow shines on my hands, and i raise my eyes.

"Hello" says the ghost of an old woman. No... not an old woman, but a child. She is young, maybe 13? But her eyes are wise, and she is so gaunt that her translucent blue skin covers her skeleton, the only remaining part of what was once her body, like a tight paper wrapping. She is wearing a simple white dress, but her flowing transparent hair is adorned with many feathers of different colors and shapes.

"Do not fret, the war has ended. You need not suffer anymore." As she says the words in a voice most soothing, i begin to look around. In the back of my head i know that this is the place where i fell, but instead of a bloodied grassland, there are market stalls, and dirt paths, and tall buildings that are still under construction. Surrounding me on all sides are workers, clerks, and people just walking around. And they are all undead.

I stand up, frantically turning from side to side, looking for a way out. This can't be. I know what i am, i know what happened, i remember everything, but i cannot accept it. So i run. Not in any particular direction, just... away.

I run and run, cutting through bustling streets and construction sites. The ghastly abominations don't attack me. They don't try to stop me, or even act surprised as i rush by them. They just stare. They look at me as if they know what i am going through, as if they were there, as if i am no more than a child, walking for the first time.

Why? Why? WHY?!

Queen protect me. Matera, oh goddess of humanity, i was a devout warrior, so why? Why was i cursed to walk the land again as one of these... monsters.

I slow my pace. The city has ended, only a few small houses remain to my sides. In front of me, an endless see of darkness. I look down to see the cliff edge of the island. Below it, more black.

Why? Why is the void so close? Wasn't the island bigger?

"Do you remember the shatterings, the end of the war?" I hear the voice of that same girl behind me.

"I... it was the seventh day of the cycle" i reply, turning around slowly.

"I see... so you haven't witnessed them" she lowers her head slightly, a look of shame in her eyes. "Look," the girl says, "i understand that-"

"I know what you're going to say!" I yell, pulling the broken spear out of my chest, holding it in front of me like an improvised weapon. "I know we lost. I know that you want me to accept defeat and and join your filthy undead empire! And i won't."

I want to cry, but tears the won't come.

Where is my family? How long has it been?

"Please, listen-"

"NO! My queen is still with me! Lady Matera would never forgive me if i abandoned my duty..." i grip the spearhead tighter, my decayed hands feel alien and wrong. The girl holds out a frail hand and slowly walks towards me. I raise the spearhead and take a step back, "back off, monster!"

"No wait, the edge!" She yells and takes another step forward. I look behind me and see the void, mere millimeters from my feet. A crazed grin spreads across my face.

"You're right... I'm no longer human am i? But isn't it my mission, as a devoted soldier of the great empire of life, to eradicate any and all undead?!" I start to giggle maniacally at the words coming out of my own rotting mouth.

"No, I'm begging you, don't do it!" The girl starts running at me.

With one final backwards step, my duty is finished.

[dont-you-dare-imagine]

hi! i was wondering if you could do a thackery binx x fem reader? you can pick the plot but just a lot of fluff!

also a max dennison x fem reader, maybe she is in place of allison, and you can pick the plot for that as well with a lot of fluff!

thanks :)

thackery’s first and last halloween party

summary: thackery has never been to a halloween party, and decides he wants to try it out! bad idea.

words: 1,536

warnings: loud, crowded party, thackery gets anxious, hurt/comfort kind of??

a/n: okay, i know, it’s been a while. i’m sorry. BUT I’M BACK NOW AND EVERYTHING IS FINE. requests are open!! i swear it won’t take me a month to get to i promise. ALSO! the max dennison x reader thing was literally fully written and deleted TWICE now and i am so sorry but i cannot go through that a third time

thackery binx has lived for over 300 years, but hasn’t experienced much. for most of his life, he was stuck as a cat. he could only observe. he had watched every year as halloween decorations were put up, pumpkins were carved, leaves changed colors and fell, and kids went trick or treating. he watched the teenagers his age party and go out with friends. they looked like they were having the time of their lives. it was cool seeing others enjoy themselves, sure, but he really wanted to be involved in something. anything, honestly. the first time he was involved in anything on halloween was last year, when a high schooler named max dennison, his little sister dani, a girl named allison, and you, who he immediately adored, accidentally brought three witches known as the sanderson sisters back from the dead. they were the witches who had sentenced them to this life of isolation, and turned him into a black cat. thackery helped the group defeat the witches, and as soon as all three of them had turned to dust, binx transformed back into a human!

that was all a year ago. now, it was halloween once again, over the passed year you and thackery had taken a liking towards each other, and not long after the witches were defeated, you two started dating! the two of you were at your house putting on your costumes, just planning to spend the night handing out candy and probably watching scary movies. thackery almost couldn’t believe what was happening. he was finally able to spend a halloween with other people. he got to dress up and eat candy and watch crappy horror movies. he got to sit on your bed while you finalized your costume, so that he could go with you to hand out candy to the younger kids in your neighborhood. he was fine spending the night in, obviously, but he wanted to maybe venture out a little bit, see what a halloween party had to offer. he was brought back to reality when he felt you sit down on the bed next to him.

“thackery! are you listening to me?” you asked, followed by a giggle. “what? sorry, no. what did you say?” he asked. you now had his full attention! “i said, do you think the white glitter or the black glitter would work better with my costume?” you showed him the swatches of both options on your arm. “the black glitter would look good with your makeup, on your face, and you could use the white as body glitter! since it’s more transparent.” he took the small containers of glitter from you and asked you to shut your eyes so he could demonstrate. you felt him put some on your eyelids, your cheekbones, and then your collarbones. he gave you the all clear to open up, and when you did, you were very pleased with the results! “thanks, binx!” you exclaimed, turning around to put the glitter back on the top of your dresser with the other makeup you’d used to get ready. “are you ready to go set up downstairs? i don’t think the trick or treaters have come out yet, but it can’t be too much longer! let’s go turn on the porch light!” you started to head down the stairs, thackery following closely behind you.

“(y/n), i was thinking, maybe, if you’re up for it, we could maybe not just hand out candy this year? we should go out! and go to a party maybe? we already have our cool costumes on! we could go to the one near allison’s house! the host is some random kid from school, but whatever! it looked fun!” he got increasingly excited as he spoke, starting to get rambley. he caught himself, “only if you wanted to, of course. we don’t have to if you don’t want. we can hand out candy! i’m sure that’s fun too!” he didn’t want you to think that he thought you were boring just because you didn’t want to go out. he didn’t want to hurt your feelings! “you actually want to go out?” you asked, a surprised expression on your face. he just nodded, smiling excitedly. “thank. god.” you exhaled dramatically. “the only reason i was going to hand out candy is because i wanted to hang out with you! and honestly, you’re one of the last people i expected to want to go out. much less go to some party.” you hugged him and then pulled away, shaking him by the shoulders. “well what are we waiting for? let’s go!!” you put the candy display you had set up back inside, and then shut and locked your front door. thackery was practically skipping down the sidewalk, eager to get to the party!!

it was only like a ten minute walk, but the chilled air and the slight breeze in nothing but your halloween costumes made it feel a little longer. it was all worth it when you got to the party. you rang the doorbell and were greeted by a student from your school who you didn’t even know the name of. most of the guests were the same. just random kids from school you hardly knew. you stepped into the house and thackery seemed hesitant. “come on, binx! it’ll be so fun!” you said, grabbing him by the hand and guiding him through the door. he instantly regretted his decision. there were so many people crammed into this small house, he wasn’t sure that any more could fit. music was blaring so loud that even though you were right next to him, he could barely make out what you were saying. if it weren’t for his grip on your hand, he’s positive he would have lost you by now in the sea of people. apparently, you were right. parties were definitely not for him. he was so in his head, and he felt anxious? and kind of claustrophobic? it was getting harder and harder for him to breath. he felt like he was being crushed by all of the people around him. you finally found a place to sit down, and so you did! you pulled him into your lap and rested your head on his shoulder. you could tell he was breathing pretty heavy.

“binx, you okay?” you asked. you pretty much had to yell for him to be able to hear you. “yeah! yeah. i’m okay.” he replied, forcing a smile on his face. “you sure? if you changed your mind we can leave! i don’t even think trick or treating has started yet.” as much as he wanted to go back to your house and just eat candy and watch tv, he didn’t want you to think he was a baby. or boring. or weird for not wanting to stay. it was his idea, and he didn’t want to be annoying by saying he ‘changed his mind.’ that’s dumb. “nope! we can stay here! this is… fun.” he said, and you just shrugged your shoulders. you were taking in the party scene, looking around to see if you recognized anyone. you scanned the room from left to right, and all of a sudden, you saw allison!! “binx, look! allison’s here! let’s go say hi!” you signaled for him to stand up and grabbed his hand once again, guiding him through the large crowd.

“hi (y/n)! hi thackery! i didn’t expect you guys to be here!” allison yelled once you’d reached her. she of course was standing right by a few speakers, making it even more difficult to hear and understand one another. thackery was squeezing your hand super tight at this point. the noise that was causing his anxiety seemed to only be getting louder. you could just tell that something wasn’t right. it was so so obvious that he just didn’t want to be there. you couldn’t sit by and watch him suffer. “yeah! um, we were just heading out and we wanted to say good night! we’re going to go home and watch a movie! right, love?” he looks confused, but just nods in agreement. anything to get out of there. “aw, well i wish i would have caught you guys sooner! have fun!” allison said as she waved. you pretty much dragged thackery through the crowd (again) to get to the door, and as soon as the door could be pried open you both tooth a deep breath. it was so hot and muggy in that house, the air was hardly breathable.

“well…” you started. “that was pretty awful.” you said laughing. thackery chuckled back, before hugging you tightly. “i’m sorry i ruined the party.” he mumbled. “binx, you did not ruin the party. i could tell you weren’t enjoying yourself. that’s not your fault!” you pulled away and kissed him on the cheek. “it was just loud and crowded and muggy and-” you grabbed his shoulders and shook him a little. “thackery, you don’t need to explain yourself. are you okay?” you asked. “yeah, i’m okay now. that party was scary.” he chuckled a little as you grabbed his hand and the two of you started to walk towards your house.