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littlemissmentallyunstable · 1 month ago

Note

Would you be making a Part 4 of the dancer and the angel🥺🥺

so many people have asked about this so I’m sorry it’s taken me so long to piece it together BUT it’s here so I hope you love it 🤍🤍

title: the dancer and the angel part 4

pairing: grayson hawthorne x reader

synopsis: crying sucks and you needs somewhere to just let your hair down but when gigi goes missing, all hell breaks loose and things don’t stay exactly to plan

parts: part 1 part 2 part 3

warnings: SPOILERS FOR TGG, swearing

a/n: I’m dedicating this to @midiosaamor <33 ilysm belle thank you for your endless love for this fic, I’m so grateful 🤍🤍

tag list: @bewitchingkisses @whatsamongus @wish-i-were-heather @inmyheaddd @never-enough-novels @notshortbutsweet @midiosaamor @sweetreveriee @emelia07 @f4iry-bell @zaraaaabear @thoughtdaughter3 @benny1989fredd @elysianwayy77 @maybxlle @sheisntyou @anintellectualintellectual @aleatorio1234 @adalia-jaycee @off-to-the-r4ces @lyra-kane @reminiscentreader @lyrakanefanatic @imaseabear @elizaa31 @loveinalocket

YOUR POV

I’m tired of crying. Tears are overrated anyway.

I’m sat with Avery, my cheek resting against her shoulder, her head resting on top of mine. It’s peaceful. I can hear her soft steady breathing in my ear and it’s oddly comforting. Maybe it’s because I’m used to sleeping on Grayson’s chest and hearing him breathe so rhythmically.

I need to get him out of my head. His stupidly perfect face is the only image running through my mind. That angular jawline, those velvety lips and those silver eyes that made me melt every damn time. Every inch of him is too engraved in my soul to get rid of him so quickly.

“Let’s go somewhere,” Avery says suddenly, like she’s been reading my mind this whole time.

“We’re on a secluded island,” I scoff.

“And I happen to be a billionaire who owns many modes of transport,” she winks at me, helping me to my feet.

“You wouldn’t,” I say.

“I already have,” she winks, “there’s a helicopter that should be showing up in about…” she trails off checking her watch, “five minutes.”

“You’re joking!” I gape.

“Do I look like the kind of girl to joke about ordering a helicopter?” she asks, raising her eyebrows.

No. No she does not.

***

We arrive at our destination thirty short minutes later via helicopter of course. And as if by magical transformation we’d gotten changed into some variant of sparkly party dresses inside, a sentence I never thought I’d ever say aloud. We walk down a cobbled alleyway towards a tall establishment.

“A club?” I say tilting my head to the side.

“A club,” she nods.

“I’ve never been to a club before,” I admit, feeling a little nervous.

“Neither,” she shrugs, “but there’s a first time for everything right.”

“Right…” I trail off.

She takes my hand eagerly and together we walk in. Lights flash, music pulsates and my ear drums nearly burst. It’s so lively, so upbeat, so full. People are grabbing drinks, making out, dancing and all the in between.

Avery glances at me, “drink or dance?”

“Drink,” I don’t hesitate, having already spotted the bar, “please.”

“You got it,” she grins, linking her arm into mine as we go over, weaving between throngs of half drunk sweaty bodies.

The bartender offers us a welcoming smile, “what can I get you two ladies tonight?”

“Vodka martini dry with a twist,” I reply, the order bitter on my tongue when I remember how Gray and I would usually order these together.

I feel so pathetic. Linking everything to him, but I couldn’t help it. He’s just there, but not properly. It’s like some sort of ghost of his has decided to haunt me for fun.

“And a mojito please,” Avery says, forcing me out of my thoughts.

He nods sharply and turns to make our drinks. I fiddle with my necklace trying to figure out how I feel in this very moment. A weird mix of emotions are settled heavily on my chest. Notes of sadness and bitterness, building up anger and fury as well as a pathetic self pity and loneliness. I don’t like that none of the feelings are definitive, it makes me uncomfortable. I don’t know how to be, my brain is too preoccupied trying to work out what emotion to act on.

The bartender hands me my drink. I take a long sip closing my eyes as the flavours hit my tongue. The sharp burst of lemon mixed with the kick of hard vodka feels like someone is slapping me across the face. I’ve never felt more awake.

“How’s the martini,” Avery asks.

“Much needed,” I smile, “your mojito?”

“Divine,” she replies taking another sip.

“Never pictured you as a mojito girl Ave,” I mention leaning against the bar and surveying the room.

“Jamie got me into them when we went to Greece,” she replies naturally.

A sinking sensation hits my stomach, I know it shouldn’t. She’s been with Jameson forever it shouldn’t hurt. They were beautiful people with beautiful souls that belonged to each other. So why is it suddenly so hard to digest? I knew about their trip to Greece, heck I’d helped them plan it. But Avery mentioning Jameson sends this rippling pain through my upper chest. She loves him and he loves her. It’s the same both ways, they’re devoted, they’re each other’s everythings. And it reminds me of what I don’t have. I think I hide it well but she sees it on my face.

“Oh god I’m sorry I didn’t mean to bring up-“

“Hey it’s fine,” I shrug.

“That was so stupid of me,” she winces putting her drink down.

“Avery you don’t have tread on eggshells around me, it’s okay,“ I try and laugh it off, “no big deal.”

“Okay,” she replies, but I can see she still feels bad.

Neither of us say anything for a few beats until the music changes and I recognise the song.

“Oooo you love this song, come on,” she laughs, tugging my hands forwards.

I sigh, “I don’t know Avery, I’m not much of a dancer.”

Not like Lyra.

“Doesn’t matter,” she shrugs, swigging her mojito, “let’s let our hair down, have a bit of fun.”

“Fine,” I crack a smile.

She squeals excitedly, practically dragging me forwards as we fall on the dance floor. We move to the beat, hips swinging from side to side, arms in the air. I wish this could take it all away. I appreciate what she’s doing. But despite her best efforts I don’t think it’s working. This distraction, this attempt of respite isn’t hitting like it should. I feel buried under too many layers of him, each time I did myself out of the first in into another. And digging is exhausting.

“Why don’t you just kiss a random guy?” Avery says bringing me back to the present.

It takes me a few minutes to process what she’d just said and when I do I can’t form a response.

“How much of that mojito did you have?” I laugh.

“No seriously,” she says, a deadly true look in her eyes, “it might help you get… him out of your mind.”

“You can say Grayson,”I roll my eyes, playing it off coolly. I didn’t want her to know that this was affecting me this much, because it shouldn’t be.

“No,” she shakes her head, “the name holds too much power, he’ll get all in your head again.”

“He already is all in my head,” I tell her with a sigh.

“That’s why I’m saying,” she continues, “so just go and kiss someone for the hell of it.”

“How do I even go about doing that?” I say. I can’t believe the words are coming out of my mouth.

“I don’t know, never done it,” she shrugs with a wicked grin.

“I don’t think it’s a good idea,” I reply.

“Who cares?” she laughs, “yolo.”

“Yolo? Since when do you say yolo?” I scoff, wondering if she is drunk or just spending too much time with Xander.

“Since now,” she sticks her tongue out.

“I could be kissing a serial killer,” I point out, “or an axe murderer.”

“I don’t think they’d murder you in front of everyone, it’d be a bit off brand for them,” Avery replies, “besides everyone would know who they were then. Do you really think they’d risk jail time to specifically murder you in a club? “

I think about it. Contemplate the idea of kissing someone else. Maybe she had a point, someone else’s lips on mine, hands in my hair… they won’t be his. I won’t have to associate those actions with him anymore. Would it hurt? It’s one stupid night and one stupid kiss. What’s the worst that could happen?”

“You know what, you’re right, why the hell not,” I say suddenly.

Surprise flickers across her face for mere moments before she breaks out into a large smile.

“You get them girl!” she shouts.

I scan the room, or all the faces I could see at least. I spot someone. He’s fairly attractive. Dirty blonde, tanned, muscular. He didn’t look too old either. I couldn’t tell the colour of his eyes but from here they looked light. I hope he isn’t taken as I approach him.

“Hey,” I shout over the music.

“Hi,” he shoots me a smile.

It’s in that moment I realise how unprepared I am for this. Why did I think this was a good idea? How do you just kiss someone?

So I blurt out the only thing in my mind, “do you want to kiss me?”

“What?” he replies.

I feel like an idiot but I say it again, “do you want to kiss me?”

“I can’t hear you love, speak up,” he yells.

I don’t know what comes over me but I just grab his face and kiss him. It’s probably the most impulsive thing I’ve ever done. But he doesn’t pull away, in fact he kisses back. His lips are rougher than what I’m used to and he’s a more aggressive kisser. When his hands hold the small of my back it’s more like he’s grappling onto my body than holding me gently. This didn’t feel as natural, as tentative, as loving as when Grayson kisses me.

“Well that was quite something huh?” the man smiles as I pull away.

Maybe for you I want to say, but I bite my tongue.

“Fancy doing it again?” he asks.

“Maybe another time,” I force a smile, walking away.

He doesn’t follow much to my relief. I’d chosen someone who wasn’t a serial killer at least. I make my way back to Avery who pretends she didn’t see the whole altercation to save my dignity. Though she’s very bad at hiding it.

“I know you saw,” I sing song, giggling a little.

“You went for it girl,” she says eyebrows raised.

“I did,” I nod, chewing my bottom lip tentatively.

“And?” she prompts me. I don’t know what she wants to hear. So I tell her the truth.

“It’s not the same,” I shrug.

“It won’t be but sometimes that helps you get over it,” she replies.

“It’s not working,” I sigh, “also he tasted like beer and that was gross.”

She scrunches up her face, “oh ew,”

“Yeah 100% ew,” I agree wrinkling my nose as I still taste the residue of it on my lips.

She senses how I feel even though I don’t quite know what it is I’m feeling, “you want to get some air?” she asks.

I nod, feeling that my cheeks were flushed and my everything was sweating. Hand in hand we swim upstream through dozens of people before we reach the door. The cold night’s air hits us as we slump down onto the pavement. I take a deep breath in, closing my eyes tasting the fresh air in my lungs.

“Well that was a bust,” Avery sighs.

“Not completely,” I tell her, “the dancing was fun.”

“But you’re still thinking about him, aren’t you?” she replies. It’s a question that she already knows the answer to.

“How can I not?” I say, leaning my head against the back wall and looking up at the sky.

“I don’t know,” she replies sadly.

Silence envelopes us, swallowing us whole like a whale shark to plankton. A thought recurs in my brain like an annoying decimal that wasn’t supposed to be the answer. I keep thinking, if someone had told my yesterday self that I would be here today I never would’ve believed it. Hours ago he was my person, the one. And now? Now what? I was in a club kissing some random trying to get over him. Trying and pathetically failing. How can I still love him? After all of it, how is it possible?

“That guy I kissed, it just reminded me of how I don’t have him to do that with anymore and I never will,” I say, glancing at Avery.

“Do you still love him?” she asks me, some sort of morphed pain and pity bleeding through her eyes.

“Of course,” I reply with no hesitation, “I’ve always loved him, it’s always been him and I can’t stop now, I’m in too deep. But I have to make myself.”

She gently pulls my body into her arms, “this will get easier, it’s still the first night. The feelings are fresh, the wounds are new and they need time to heal.”

“I just don’t understand,” I whisper, “I love him so much my heart bleeds but he never felt it back that same kind of love… and I was stupid enough to think he did.”

“I think he did,” she murmurs, “I really do.”

“You don’t have to do that, you can be honest,” I say softly, “it’s not like it can hurt anymore.”

“I’m serious I promise,” she replies, “you don’t see it as clearly we do. When you came into Gray’s life he changed in the best possible way. I mean I’ve not known him as long as his brother but I saw it. And they definitely did. He wasn’t the same, he was in love. I know it.”

“He kissed another girl,” I laugh bitterly.

“It doesn’t mean to say he never loved you like that,” she says.

“Suppose so,” I mumble into her.

“And for the record he was an absolute idiot for doing what he did,” she replies, a flicker of anger I wasn’t used to in Avery sparking for a fraction of a second, “actually there’s a list of words I would use that are way worse than idiot but we’ll keep it PG tonight.”

I crack a weak smile.

She softens her tone, “But seriously sweetie he’s losing the best thing he’s ever had in his life.”

“But Avery,” I say, my voice shaking, “I’m not sure I want to be lost.”

She hugs me tighter. There are no words that can fix my state we’ve both silently agreed, so she hold me as I stare up at the stars. Some glow, some twinkle, others gleam. Then they all blur as water fills my eyes. I blink away the lousy tears. I’m not going to cry.

“Avery…” I murmur hesitantly “can I ask you something?”

“Yeah sure,” she nods.

The questions are so weighted on my chest, it’s physically hurting me, “why do you think he chose her? What did I do wrong? What does she have that I don’t?”

“Oh sweetheart,” she murmurs sympathetically, “it’s not like that.”

“Then why,” I choke, trying to keep my tears at bay, “why would he…”

I trail off, the tears I was trying to express rolling down my face. The sobs get stuck in my throat and I’m unable to make a sound. I silently shake in Avery’s grasp, my lungs aching.

“You cannot sit here and think you are the reason for this. I won’t let you,” she shakes her head, “I don’t know why he did what he did, that I can’t tell you, but I do know for sure that it wasn’t you. You have no faults, you did nothing wrong, you’re beautiful, you’re brilliant, you’re smart and brave and kind and perfect. He’s the biggest fool of them all.”

“You think?” I snivel.

“I know,” she says, wiping away my tears with a gentle hand, “now come on, let’s go back in, have one final shot and a dance and then we’ll hit the streets at midnight, do something crazy fun and stupid, no murder please, and just breathe a little you know, forgetting all of this.”

“Okay,” I nod, biting the inside of my cheek to prevent more tears from spilling over.

I am strong. I am strong. I am strong

She stands up and dusts her little dress off before hoisting me up behind. She flashes a smile my way that reminds me of Jameson for a split second. I eagerly take her hand and we re enter. The lights feel as if they’re flashing brighter than before. The fluorescence stings slightly. The familiar aroma of sweat mixed with all manner of alcoholic drinks hits us as well.

Just as we’ve reached the dance floor Avery says, “Jamie’s calling, give me a second.”

She rushes off out of the back door, probably to hear him better, leaving me alone on the dance floor. I don’t really feel much like dancing so lazily drag my feet to the bar and take another shot. The liquid burns my throat and I feel somewhat alive as I slowly swing my hips and move my arms to whatever beat is playing.

I feel dead. I don’t understand how in the space of mere minutes I can go from feeling so emotive, so distraught, so melancholy to nothingness. A wave of coldness from empty voids and bottomless pits.

I hand touches my shoulder and I jolt as the unfamiliar touch makes me jump. I look up to see a man stood there, but he’s a little fuzzy. The alcohol is getting to my head.

“You alone sweetheart?”

Sweetheart. The word cuts like a poisoned blade. Grayson calls me that.

“No,” I respond calmly, positioning my back more towards him, hoping he’ll gage my body language and kindly leave me be.

“Well you’re very pretty,” he grins, flashing white teeth I’m sure he paid a lot for.

“I’m sure my boyfriend would agree with you,” I say coolly.

“Which one’s yours then?” he asks, clearly still not catching onto the several messages I’m sending him.

I shrug, “why do you care?”

“Maybe you’re wasting your time on him,” he smiles. Something about the smile makes goosebumps rise on the surface of my skin and an icy shiver run down my spine. Something about him isn’t right and I didn’t like it.

“I highly doubt it,” I reply nonchalantly, “but thanks for the offer.”

“Come on sweetheart,” he says, making my skin crawl, “you can ditch your boyfriend for a night, I promise I’ll be better. Ask anyone in here.”

My stomach twists and something goes off in me. Like a ticking time bomb that’s finally hit zero.

“Look here mister,” I snarl, “there’s hundreds of other women in this place that would love to get into your bed, find one and do it, but leave me alone. I’m not interested and I’m taken.”

“You heard her Dex, back off,” shouts a new voice.

I look up to see another man, with a striking resemblance to the one I was talking to, behind him. Brothers, I infer silently. Dex glares at his brother and then turns back to me.

“Okay, until next time then,” he says with a wink.

He skulks away as I roll my eyes. I go to turn back to my drink when Avery comes crashing into me. I gasp audibly before I catch a glance at her. She looks pale.

“What? What’s wrong?” I ask quickly, checking over her to make sure she was physically in tact.

“We have to cut our trip short,” she tells me, regret and apology lacing her tone.

My heart thumps in my chest and a million thoughts race through my mind.

“Gigi’s missing.”

And suddenly I’m very very sober.

***

LYRA’S POV

Finding out he was with someone else made me feel sick to my stomach. I can’t explain it exactly. It’s just this horrible awful tug in the gut. I am the other woman. I shiver at the thought.

I thought everything was going to be okay, that for a change, life might be on my side. I deserve it don’t I? To be happy, to be free, to be in love. I thought wrong. I always think wrong. I am the fool of a flower that let her pretty petals be plucked by anyone who pleased until she became a stem. Until no one wanted her. The tender truth of it all burns violently all over my skin.

So I dance.

Dance is my way to escape all of this, my freedom. The music begins and my heart aches louder, screaming in my ears. The pain coursing through my limbs that delicately dust the empty air. I reach out to touch something that doesn’t exist. I relax into a deep plié letting the music seep through my throbbing soul and form the moves. I do a gentle three step turn on pointe and the pace of the music picks up.

I hurt an innocent girl, who fell under the same loving spell that Hawthorne’s are so good at casting as I did. But I didn’t know. I didn’t know. I didn’t know. How was I supposed to know? I thought he looked at me differently, I thought his gentle touch he only used for me, I thought his words were mine to cherish. But I’m just another trophy in his grand cabinet. Another meaningless prize to collect on the journey to greatness.

I developpé sauté to perfection. I am nothing to him. And now, he’s even less to me. I pirouette and pirouette and pirouette, spiralling into furious thoughts. I’m angry. How dare he turn me into someone I am not. Making me betray my own morals. As if he has that right, that power. Men always feel so entitled, so deserving of power. He couldn’t just have one girl and be happy, no he had to find another. He had to act of his greed, the fatal flaw that poisons so many men. How many more will fall into greed’s bloodied hands?

I grand jeté until my thighs burn but I keep perfect positioning. I hate the fact that I’m feeling so deeply, that my emotions are so raw and intense. It’s too much for my mind to take, I’m so overwhelmed and head is splitting, pounding, screaming. My breath picks up the more grande jetès I do. My chest is so tight, so constricted, so suppressed. It feels as if an invisible force is choking me. I come to a halt suddenly and find myself paralysed in an arabesque, unable to breathe.

The music has silenced. Nothing dare move and the world comes to a standstill. I let myself get wrapped up in feelings I shouldn’t have had. I’m an idiot. Lyra Kane doesn’t fall in love, she doesn’t trust people with herself, she doesn’t let people in. Especially not Hawthornes. Never Hawthornes. I intricately move my feet. On pointe, pivot, flat, up, on pointe, down, in, out, over, up. At some point my mind hits a blank, a white room and I just move to what feels most natural. My mind doesn’t properly register the moves. I become aware I’m performing rapid battements and sissones when I’m deep in analysis. I should’ve seen the signs sooner.

The way he stared at her while we were dancing, the look of distraction and captivation in his eyes. The guilt that flashed across his face every time he got that little bit closer to me. The minute he had to take after our lift in the room we’d been locked in with Odette. It all made sense now.

My legs extend naturally as I leap with great height across the room. It was so pathetically unfair. Everything in his life is perfect, he’s got the money, the face, the family, the support. People would kill to be in his position, quite literally. And he takes it all for granted. God, how did I think I could love someone like that?

I travel with light and airy sauté passes. Everything to a Hawthorne is a game. Including people. I was his game. And he played me. Just like he played y/n. I only wish I could talk to her, tell her I understand how she feels but I’m probably the last face in this earth she’d ever want to see.

My movements are now sharp and staccato, jagged and uneven. The opposite of what a ballerina should be. Catherine Howal wouldn’t let me forget that if she were watching me today. My old dance teacher was always strict on me, but right now I missed the sharpness of her voice and her minor corrections. She made me the dancer I am today. I push the bittersweet memory of her away and my rage over Grayson bubbles over. Even his name now disgusts me. It used to be one that I craved to say, to feel my mouth curve in the shape of each and every letter. Now it’s just a reminder of my sheer revulsion for him.

I pirouette I don’t know how many time on pointe. I’m dizzy, but not from the turns but from the idea that I let myself be so easily tempted by a pretty face. I begin a fast paced sequence of fouettés and chainés across the space, desperately trying to hold myself together. I’m poised, I’m professional is what I try to tell myself. If only I had known, I wouldn’t have. Ever. I wouldn’t have even looking into those stupid gray eyes. But he knew, he knew how to manipulate my feelings, he knew what he had the power to do. I was a marionette that obeyed every string he pulled without even knowing it. He lead me on. He had a girlfriend and he lead me on. Why did he lead me on?

God, he’s even more of a jerk than I’d given him credit for. Hawthornes never change. With this painful honest realisation my movements gradually return to more fluid and flowing motions, interspersed with slow gentle turns. It’s ruined, the moment we shared. It’s now tainted. How can I even imagine such a beautiful kiss without feeling regret? Without tasting the bitter aftertaste that coats my mouth even now? I pirouette for the final time, getting so lost with each spin I’ve lost count of how many I’ve done. It’s an everlasting void of blurry scenery and my messed up mind.

I collapse into a helpless heap on the floor, finishing the routine. There is no fight left, no anger, no pain, no momentum. Just space. The little girl in her ballet flats is long gone. The teenager locking her pointe shoes away has also disappeared. The woman who lent her heart to a Hawthorne for far too long will never return again. Every part of me is lost. I’m not sure I even know who I am anymore. All I know is that, the dancer in me is broken.

***

YOUR POV

“Any word?” I rush in, Avery close beside me.

“We need to know everything,” she says, dominance in her tone.

We had arrived back on the island practically in a flash. My head is all over the place, jumbled with attempts to remember things that could help us find Gigi. My heart dropped when I found out. We couldn’t lose out Gigi.

“Y/n!” Xander exclaims.

He looks in shock to see me, both burnt and unburnt eyebrows raised, jaw dropped. Jameson wears a similar expression and so does Nash. It’s like they’ve seen a ghost.

“Yeah?” I reply bluntly.

“You’re here,” he says, eyes bulging.

“Unless I’ve magically become a hologram in the past 2 minutes,” I say looking at my watch, “yeah I’m here.”

“Right,” he nods slowly, before turning back to his computer.

“So Gigi,” Avery says, steering us back to the present.

“We’re just about to scout for her,” Jameson explains.

“And I’m attempting to search the security footage,” Xander calls, eyed glued to the screen.

“If someone kidnapped her wouldn’t they cut it?” I ask.

“The main footage has been cut but we’re Hawthornes,” Nash flashes a very Hawthorne grin, “there’s always a back up camera where they least expect it.”

“Unfortunately for us, it’s a very blurry back up camera,” Jameson grimaces.

“Oh,” Avery sighs.

“With horrible sound,” Nash adds.

“Fantastic,” I smile sarcastically, walking behind Xander to look at the screen.

They are right. The screen is black and white and pretty much the blurriest thing I’d ever seen. Our situation is looking quite dismal.

“I’m putting better back up security on my to do list,” Avery murmurs.

“I’ll second that,” Jameson says, kissing her cheek.

“We have to find her,” she says, leaning into him, “Jamie we have to.”

“I know heiress, we’re going to, don’t worry,” he soothes, giving her that look. The look that only men in love can master.

My heart feels sore and I turn. Then I realise why. The room suddenly feels so empty, so hollow. And I feel alone despite being surrounded by people. He’s not here. My head had been so caught up on my millions of thoughts that I hadn’t registered it.

“Where’s Grayson?” I ask out of the blue.

The whole room stands still. Everyone is frozen by a force I didn’t know existed until this moment. No one dare move, let alone breathe. A sickening chill rolls down my spine and I fear the worst.

“He’s outside,” Jameson finally says.

“He won’t move,” Nash adds quietly, looking down at the floor.

Xander sighs, “and we had to take the whiskey away from him.”

“You left him alone!” I yell, not meaning to sound so attacking.

“We didn’t know what else to do, he isn’t exactly a joy to be around right now and we need to find Gigi,” Jameson reasons.

“We thought it’d be best to focus on that, the sooner we get Gigi found, the sooner he’ll marginally snap out of dark era,” Nash explains further.

“I’m going to talk to him,” I reply, my tone sharp and definite. No one was going to tell me no.

Eyes snap up at me. All four pairs. I can read all of their emotions so clearly it’s painful. Elements of confusion, shock and pity wash over me, but I push it all to the side. What they thought didn’t matter.

“Y/n, you don’t have to do that…” Jameson trails off.

“No,” I tell him softly, “I do.”

He opens his mouth to argue.

“I can help him, you know that and so do I,” I say before he can get a word out, “so that’s what I’m going to do.”

***

He’s sat on the rocks, looking over the choppy water. The wind whips the hair across my face and back again. My cheeks grow rosy with the cold. He hurt me, but he’s hurting. I can’t let him hurt alone. As pathetic as it may be I physically can’t. Slowly I approach from behind. I know he can hear me but he doesn’t turn, he doesn’t even move a muscle. He just sits and stares.

I cautiously sit beside him, my legs hanging over the edge. The reflection of death’s face snickers at me in the water. Still, Grayson does not move. He remains a stationary block, robotic almost. I look towards at him and analyse his features. He’s sober. But oh lord is he broken. I turn away, any longer and I might’ve done something stupid.

“Are you okay?” I murmur, looking out to the moon kissed water miniature waves bobbing up and down.

“You’re asking me?” he almost scoffs. I can tell he’s been sobbing, his tone is thick and swollen with grief. It stings my soul, like antiseptic to a fresh wound.

“Why shouldn’t I?” I reply quietly.

“Because I hurt you,” he says, his voice barely a whisper.

“Just because someone hurts you doesn’t mean you have to hurt them too,” I respond, finally turning to look at him.

To my surprise his eyes are ready for me, already locked onto my every move. They meet and something washes over me, something that probably shouldn’t.

“How are you so kind?” he asks, something tender in his voice. It makes my soul squeeze.

“People need to be nicer to each other in this world,” I shrug in response.

“They do,” he says quietly, playing with his fingers.

“So,” I exhale, “are you okay?”

I already know the answer. He’s not. He’s filled with guilt and sorrow and hatred and anger and upset and conflict. He’s the furthest from okay you can get.

“Not really,” he breathes, “are you okay?”

“Not really,” I grin.

A ghost of a smile haunts his features. Who gave him the right to look so beautiful?

“Gigi will be okay,” I tell him confidently.

He shakes his head as pain constricts his features, “ we don’t know that.”

“She’s stronger than you think she is,” I reply quickly.

“She’s just a kid,” he growls.

“No, she’s not Gray,” I snapped fiercely, “she’s bold and she’s brave and she can handle herself, but we will find her, we won’t stop until we do.”

He stares at me. Eyes fixated, like I’m worthy of being looked at. My heart rate picks up and that’s when I realise that this is all wrong. I can’t be the idiot that lets him back in, I won’t be.

“What?” I ask.

He says nothing but his silver eyes still remained glued to mine.

“What is it Grayson?” I whispered, the wind barely carrying my words.

“I still love you.”

The words hit me like a tonne of bricks. I can’t respond. All the air is knocked out of me. His hand is in my chest and wrapped around my heart. He’s squeezed it between his fingertips and licked my blood greedily from his fingers. He stills loves me. And I know I still love him too, but I can’t say that. I won’t.

“How can I trust you?” I scoff, letting my rage take hold. It’s better than my love.

“I don’t know,” he murmurs softly. Did his voice have to be so soft?

“Fool me once, shame on you,” I state, “fool me twice, shame on me.”

“I’m sorry,” he tells me. I can hear he means it, I can see he means it but I can’t believe it. He was too good of a liar before, too talented of an actor. I can’t afford to fall for it again.

“Sorry isn’t good enough,” I press on.

“I know…” he trails off, voice hoarse, “but I don’t know what other words to say.”

“Then don’t say anything,” I snap, shooting him a fiery look.

“But I love you,” Grayson says, too much emotion decorating his tone.

“If you loved me you wouldn’t have kissed her,” I say, throwing it all back in his face. He needed to face the truth and so did I.

“I don’t expect you to forgive me, I don’t expect you to love me too, but I need you to know and hear it from my lips that I love you,” he confesses, his eyes not wavering for a second, pinning me down with their addictive nature. It feels like my hands are tied. I’m a prisoner to those eyes. I always have been.

“I’ve heard it from your lips a thousand times before today and you still did what you did,” I spit back, the words rolling from my tongue before I gave them permission to.

He falters, there’s no words left to say.

“I want you to be happy, that’s all I care about,” I tell him, my tone still slightly jagged, “so drop the guilt, I forgive you. But things can’t go back to how they were, not after this.”

They are all lies. Every single sentence. I’m avoiding the truth beating so loudly in my chest. I’m ignoring its petulant screaming. I’m such a hypocrite. I loathe him for his lies and then I return them with my own tongue.

“How can I drop the guilt when it’s all I know now?” he murmurs.

“You’ll find a way, you’re stronger than you think Grayson. You doubt yourself too often,” I sigh.

He doesn’t say anything for a while, but runs a hand through his hair, then over his face. After one too many best of silence he turns to me one final time.

“Why are you so good?” he asks me.

“It’s not a question of good or bad it’s a question of what’s right,” I say impatiently, “I’m not going to just sit here and let you wallow because that’s not you Grayson and you know it.”

“You’re an angel,” he murmurs, almost in a daze.

But you chose the dancer. The words are on the tip of my tongue but I don’t say them.

“No time for flattery, we’re wasting time,” I sigh, “let’s go and find Gigi.”

***

GRAYSON’S POV

We search for four hours straight until all of us are too exhausted to speak. We need to sleep, though we’re all too stubborn to admit it. As a collective we decide half of us are to get some rest whilst the other half stay up two more hours, then we’ll switch. I take the first shift, searching with Jameson. Xander is still inside still attempting decipher the body on the mini security camera or placement of Gigi’s phone and everyone else has gone to sleep.

Jameson and I are on the edge of the island, calling for Gigi with raw throats and pounding heads. I can’t believe I’d lost her. I was meant to protect her, look after her. Things like this weren’t supposed to happen when I was around. I’ve failed as a brother.

“What did she say to you?” Jameson asks snapping me out of my thoughts.

I look up. I knew exactly who ‘she’ was.

“Who?” I reply plainly.

“Don’t play dumb,” he rolls his eyes at me.

Sometimes it was annoying how well my brothers knew me.

“She asked me if I was okay, comforted me about Gigi and helped me pull myself together.” I pause, “she told me that wallowing isn’t what I do.”

“Are you sure she knows you properly?” Jameson raises an eyebrow with a smirk.

I try to crack a smile but can’t.

“I told her I still loved her,” I blurt out.

I don’t know why I say it, the words just come out. Jameson has that effect on me. Lying to him has always been difficult, I feel so transparent in his presence. And I know he’ll be honest, he won’t sugarcoat what he really thinks. Maybe that’s why it’s easier.

His eyes grow to the size of saucepans, “what?”

“I told her I st-“

“I know what you said Gray but are you crazy?” he asks me, looking semi-genuinely concerned.

“I don’t know,” I shrug, “maybe.”

“That was selfish,” he seethes, eyes blazing with fury. Similar to how they looked earlier.

“Selfish?” I furrow my brows, “she deserves to know!”

“No, you needed to get it off of your chest in a last ditch attempt to get her back,” he snaps.

I’m not fighting the truth this time. He’s hit the nail on the head. My silence unfortunately speaks volumes and my brother understands.

“So…” he exhales, “what did she say?”

“If I loved her I wouldn’t have kissed Lyra,” I say, her words rubbing through my head again.

“She’s right,” he sighs.

“She always is,” I say, my voice catching slightly.

“I don’t think she’s okay,” Jameson murmurs, “I don’t think Avery does either.”

“It’s all my fault,” I groan, closing my eyes.

I wish I could be taken out of her life, erased forever just so she could be happy. I deserve to hurt, not her. Never her.

“She shouldn’t love me,” I say, the words becoming more real when I say them out loud.

“No one decides who they love, it just happens,” he shrugs at me.

I open my mouth to reply but a familiar ringing cuts me off. My phone vibrates in my pocket. I presume it’s Xander for some sort of update so I answer the way I always do.

“It’s Grayson,” I say sharply.

I hear Jameson mutter something about how weird it was that I answered like that but I choose to kindly ignore him.

“I know,” the voice sings from the other side.

All the oxygen is robbed from my lungs and I struggle to breathe. Every muscle ceases to move and I become a picture frozen in time. It couldn’t be, she wouldn’t call me, it shouldn’t happen.

“Y/n?”

Her name feels foreign to my tongue in that moment, despite the thousands of times I’d uttered it. Jameson gapes.

“Grayson Davenport Hawthorne actually,” she corrects me, her speech a little slurred, “one s, one v and one h.”

“Are you drunk?” I ask bluntly.

“Noooo silly,” she laughs, “I don’t get drunk I’m always fine, perfect actually. That’s what you used to call me, perfect!”

My heart shatters, “you are perfect.”

She giggles, the sound so light and airy and beautiful I want to lock it away and play it on repeat to myself all the time.

“Where are you?” I question.

There’s a few beats of silence before, “I don’t know.”

“You don’t know?” I say, suddenly alarmed. Protection surges through me and all I want to do is run to wherever she is and scoop her up into my arms.

“I’m in a room,” she explains, soundly dazed, out of it.

“Your room?” I prompt her.

“Maybe,” she muses, “there’s all my stuff here but this burning liquid I’m drinking is not mine. It’s kind of hurting my throat.”

“Stay right where you are,” I snap, “I’m going to get someone to come and help you.”

I want the someone to be me. Why can’t the someone be me?

“Help? I don’t need help! I’m fine, always fine. I’m never not fine,” she laughs. I can imagine her tipping her head back with a hand on her stomach.

“I know lo-“ I catch myself again, almost saying love, “I know, but don’t you want a friend to talk to you right now?”

“Yeahhh I do,” she agrees, her words all mushing together into one.

“Good, someone will be right over-“

“Gray can you come?” she murmurs.

I stop. She sounds too vulnerable, too helpless for me to ignore. Her voice is small and cautious. It makes me want to weep.

“Where?” I ask.

“Here…” she trails off, “…with me.”

“Okay,” I blurt out before actually thinking about what I was saying.

“Then bye bye pumpkin pie,” she giggles, “oh my gosh I just rhymed!!”

“Yes you did,” I chuckle, the smile stretched out in my face physically agonising me. She could always make me smile.

I made her cry.

“Are you coming then?” she makes sure, with that soft defenceless voice again.

“On my way now,” I reply, almost as if it’s a reflex.

“Oh good,” she says and I can hear the smile in her voice. With that she hangs up. I shove my phone back in my pocket and meet my brother’s eye.

“She’s drunk,” I explain slowly.

“I heard,” he nods.

“I’m worried she’s going to do something stupid,” I admit with a sigh.

“Go and help her, I’ll carry on looking for Gigi,” Jameson says, as if it’s that simple.

“No I can’t do that,” I shake my head.

“Why not?” he furrows his brows.

“She hates me,” I say quickly, “you go.”

“She asked for you,” he points out, “and I think she’ll notice if I turn up.”

“Maybe she won’t,” I suggest.

“She can’t be that drunk,” he rolls his eyes, then sighs, “look Gray, this might be the last time she ever asks you for help, so go and help her, look after her, then leave.”

“This won’t end well,” I tell him. I can feel it in my chest and in my stomach. If I go there, I’ll lose myself and she won’t be in the right mind to stop me.

“Then don’t go,” he says with a shrug.

I groan, “but she needs someone.”

“You’re arguing with yourself Gray,” Jameson says. And he’s right. The only person who’s stopping me is me. I just don’t want to do the wrong thing.

“It my fault she’s in this situation,” I reply, “it’s my fault she’s on her own, drunk and at risk of doing something stupid.”

“All the more reason for you to go and fix it,” he says.

I stand in silence. That consolidates my answer. To myself and to him.

“Let me know if you get any word of Gigi, I’ll be back soon,” I say, sharply adjusting my suit jacket.

“Bye,” he salutes.

***

I’m quick to make my way to her, the worry sort of takes over and my instinctual protection kicks in. When I get there the door is unlocked, my first indication to how drunk she really is.

“Grayson is that you?” I hear her murmur.

Her voice is vulnerable but the sweet notes are all the same. If I were to hear any voice for the rest of my life I’d want it to be hers. I’d never tire of listening to it. I walk further in the room I see her, the moonlight streaming through the window is the only thing illuminating her figure. Her face is red and there are prominent dark circles underneath her eyes. She looks pale and hollow and there’s something not quite right about her eyes, their usual sparkle dimmed. A catch a glimpse of a glass half empty in her hand.

“How much have you had?” I ask her, cocking my head towards the glass.

“Not that much,” she grins lazily, stumbling over herself in an attempt to make her way towards me.

“You need to get to bed,” I say softly.

All I want to do is scoop her up into my arms and hold her close to my chest, taking in her sweet shampoo. I want to keep her safe, protect her forever but I couldn’t. I wouldn’t let myself. I make a silent promise that I won’t get too close, I won’t touch her because I know once I do I’ll fall in too deep.

“But I’m not even sleepy,” she pouts.

She doesn’t know what she’s doing to me. Those lips are killing me softly.

“Come on,” I murmur gently, gesturing to the bed.

“Nu-uh,” she shakes her head, “you’re going to have to carry me.”

I sigh and weigh up my options before lifting her up into my arms, knowing I shouldn’t be doing this. But I can’t just leave her. She squeals and giggles. An essence of sunshine shining back through the empty void I’d entered.

“Do you feel okay?” I ask her, lowering her down onto the mattress.

“Me? I’m fine!” she smiles, that beautiful smile, “are you okay?”

She tilts her head to the side and a chunk of hair falls over her face.

“I’m fine,” I say, moving it out of the way. It surrounds her like a halo.

“Oh well I know that’s a lie,” she laughs, “I’ve always known that about you though, you’re hurting. On the inside.”

“I am hurting,” I say, caressing her cheek, “but you’re hurting more.”

“I’m not hurting, I’m in the numbing process,” she explains with great enthusiasm.

“Hence the alcohol?” I raise an eyebrow.

“I call it happy juice,” she grins.

“Well no more happy juice tonight,” I explain to her.

“Why not?” she pouts, “it makes me happy.”

“It also destroys your liver,” I say, taking the glass away from her and putting it on the other side of the room.

“Come sit,” she murmurs, patting the bed beside her, “please.”

“I don’t think I should,” I reply. I have to stay strong, I can’t listen to my heart, my brain must have superiority.

“But I want you to,” she whispers.

My brain switches off. I sit beside her and as soon as I’m on the bed, her head falls into my lap, quite literally. It flops down as if she can’t hold it up any longer.

“Can you do that thing, where you massage my head and be all gentle with my hair, I love it when you do that,” she asks me.

When we were together I used to do it all the time subconsciously. If we were watching the television or cuddling. I never realised she loved it so much.

“I’m not sure you want me to,” I say hesitantly. This isn’t fair on her. She’s not in her right mind, she can’t make a decision properly.

“Of course I do!” she exclaims, “that’s why I asked you silly!”

“It’s not a good idea,” I murmur, only saying this because it is right not because it is true, “us being this close.”

“I disagree,” she says cheerily.

“You won’t like it when you sober up,” I warn her. Deep down I know she can’t even comprehend this, I know her mind if fogged over by alcohol and she doesn’t know what she’s really doing. But it doesn’t make me leave.

“I am sober-ish,” she says, “that’s good enough.”

“You are anything but sober,” I chuckle shaking my head.

“Head massage please,” she says, readjusting her head in my lap.

Slowly I comb the hair out of her face and eyes. My fingertips slide gently through her silky hair. The silence is torturing. Seconds morph into minutes until if feels like it’s been hours. I’m being strangled by no sound, suffocated by a blanket of blankness. To distract myself I weave my hands in and out in a rhythmic pattern.

“Why did you choose her?” a small voice asks making me jump. We’d been sat in silence for so long I’d forgotten that we could speak. My hands stop moving suddenly as I register the question.

“What?”

“Is it because she was prettier? Better personality? Funnier? Nicer? Happier?” she lists.

“I didn’t choose her,” I shake my head in defiance.

“But you kissed her,” she says, yet again. The words sting every time they come out of her mouth.

“That was a mistake,” I explain resting my heavy head back until it hit the headboard.

“So were all of our kisses a mistake too?” she asks, rolling onto her back so her eyes are gazing up into mine.

“None of them were,” I murmur in reply, the colour of them so mesmerising it was distracting.

“Then I don’t understand,” her eyebrows pinch together in confusion.

“You don’t need to,” I whisper running my fingertip over her knuckles.

She sighs and sadness ripples over her face. I hate seeing her with that expression on her face. It rips me apart.

“My chest hurts,” she moans softly.

“Where?” I ask urgently, running through every illness and condition that could possibly cause chest pains.

“Here,” she says pointing to her heart, “you broke it.”

My eyes grow glossy even though I didn’t ask them to. She lets me take my hand and place it on top of hers to feel the steady beat in her chest.

“I didn’t mean to,” I barely choke out.

“But you did and it can’t be mended, pain like this there aren’t any pills for,” she tells me.

“I’m sorry.”

“You said that before,” she smiles sadly.

“It’s true,” I whisper.

“Can you fix me?” she says quietly, “because I can’t fix me.”

My heart shatters into a million pieces, fragmenting into shards of pulsating muscle.

“Of course you can fix you,” I tell her.

“No I can’t,” she says, beginning to tear up, “look at me, this is the real me and she’s ugly.”

“This isn’t the real you and she is most certainly not ugly,” I assure her.

She giggles with tears rolling down her rosy cheeks. Beautiful even in tears.

“What?” I ask her.

“You use big words like ‘certainly’, it makes you sound very posh,” she chuckles to herself.

“I’m not that posh,” I reply.

She scoffs, “have you seen your house?!”

“Maybe I’m a bit posh then.”

“You know how ealierrr,” she slurs, “how you and me were talkingggg.”

“You might not want to continue that sentence lo-“ I stop myself from saying love. She’s not my love. She’s not mine to love.

“No,” she shakes her head, “no I do want to carry on actually…” she giggles bringing ther fingertip to my nose, “boop!”

“Okay,” I say softly, taking her hand into mine, away from my nose or any other poke-able part of my face.

“You said you still love me,” she says.

The beating in my chest begins to slow, as does my breathing, “I did.”

“And I still love you too.”

I can’t speak.

“But I can’t say it out loud, because then I’m an idiot for loving someone who cut me deeper than any weapon could ever cut me. And I tried to drink it all away, believe me I tried, but then halfway through my fifth glass I kind of realised it wasn’t working. And then I realised why. It’s because I still fucking love you, how depressing is that? You murdered my heart and yet it can’t stop beating your name. I mean it’s so on brand for me because my whole life people have told me that I always love the wrong too hard, that I get in too deep to come back out of and I’m just proving them all right,” she laughs and sobs at the same time, “I’m so stupid, so horribly ironically stupid.”

“You’re not stupid,” I snap.

“You’re only saying that because you still love me,” she groans, rolling her eyes.

“I would say it regardless, any competent person can see that,” I say.

“But you still love me?” she murmurs, her for eyes forcing the truth from my lips.

“I still love you,” I say.

I knew something stupid like this would happen but I’m not stopping it now.

“How? How can you still love me when you love her?” she asks, agony in her tone.

“I don’t,” I tell her sharply,

She furrows her brows, “you don’t love Lyra?”

“No,” I shakes my head.

“But you kissed her,” she says, tracing a fingertip across my bottom lips.

I shy away from her tentative touch, “I did but that was the worst mistake of my life.”

“Why?” she laughs.

“Because I’m losing you because of it,” I admit. She won’t remember tomorrow morning, she won’t remember what she said or why she said it. This moment will be lost in time and I’ll be the only one left to remember it.

“You’re just losing the outside me, I have a feeling I’ll always love you,” she replies.

“You don’t know what you’re saying,” I shake my head, “you’re drunk, you need to sleep.”

I need to stop this. I’m being selfish again. She’s pouring her heart out to me because she can’t control her mouth. It’s not fair and I won’t let her do it anymore.

“No I do know what I’m saying,” she insist, sitting up, “you don’t understand what you do to me and I wish I wasn’t so in love with you because maybe I’d be able to walk away more easily but I can’t, because this love isn’t just love. It’s something more for me.”

I’m in shock. A physical state of shock. It was more to me too…. I know I must go quickly before this escalates. It’s already gone far too far. Enough is enough.

“Look sweeth-“ I stop myself, “y/n, I need to leave.”

I stand up quickly and attempt to make a b-line for the door.

“No!” she yelled, yanking be back down. Her fingers clawing at my arm, like a scared animal, “please Gray, stay with me.”

“I can’t,” I shake my head, my face pinching in pain.

“You have to,” she begs, tugging at my arm.

I sigh, “you’ll be mad at me tomorrow if I stay tonight.”

“No I won’t silly,” she says, “please I need someone to cuddle.”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” I tell her. As much as I want her in my arms again, to feel her skin against mind and listen to her sweet breathing as she sleeps I can’t. I can’t do it to her, I won’t.

“Well I do,” she says, pushing me down firmly.

Slowly she crawls onto me and curls up against my chest. If the last twelve hours had never happened this would be totally normal and completely natural. Instead I carrying the heaviest stone of guilt I’ve ever lifted. I can’t leave her, but I can’t stay either.

“You won’t like this in the morning,” I tell her, hoping she might find to her senses.

“Well I like it now,” she yawns, cozying further into me.

“That’s because you’re drunk,” I explain, resting my cheek on top of her head. I smell her sweet shampoo and deja vu washes over me like a tidal wave. I’m swept under

“Grayson?” she whispers gently.

“Yes?”

“Promise you’ll just stay for tonight, then you can leave me for the dancer again tomorrow,” she says.

The bones in my chest ache and the pump that supplies me with blood crushed between fate’s cruel fingers.

“I’m not leaving you angel,” I tell her firmly, “not ever again.”

“I love you,” she mumbles, the words muffling against my chest.

“I love you too,” I whisper, planting a kiss onto the top of her head.

***

heyyyy guysss. so you’ve probably noticed this is the first fic I’ve posted in a bit of a while. It’s bc of exams and stuff and also this fic was so long. I got a little bit carried away mid way through but oh well… I hope you guys enjoyeddd 💖💖

am I dancer? Yes. The last time I did ballet? when I was about nine years old…. so apologies to any actual ballet dancers who are reading lyra’s routine and are thinking what in the world…

ANYWAYS I love love loved writing this and I know different POVs sometimes are a bit controversial but I felt like it was necessary here and thanks for readinggg 🤍🤍

also no one asked but I’m going tell you guys anyway, Lyra’s dance is based off of a song called girl with one eye by florence and the machine (omg it’s such a good song)

I wonder if any of you worked out my little clue 🤭🤭

hint: weiv fo tniop s’aryl

TIG masterlist

#bella writes 🤍#the dancer and the angel part 4 #the inheritance games #tig #grayson hawthorne #the brothers hawthorne #the final gambit #the hawthorne legacy #jameson hawthorne #grayson tgg #grayson hawthorne one shot #grayson hawthorne x you #grayson hawthorne x reader #grayson davenport hawthorne #lyra x grayson #grayson x lyra #hawthorne brothers #the grandest game

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jirsungs · 4 months ago

Text

ep 17: i missed you (too)

word count: 3.1k

You join Jisung in the kitchen and when he sees you arrive, he hops off the counter before he can look at your choice of outfit for the evening.

But when he does, he wishes he could rewind the moment you walked in so he can pay more attention because holy fuck. Those words were the only coherent thing he could pull out of his brain, but he didn’t blame himself for the mental trouble, because seriously, holy fuck.

Lord, he wishes that no one else has seen you in this black strapless midi dress, which he’s 80% sure is from Kukombo, he remembered you and Ning raving about it a couple of weeks back. Your hair perfectly dolled up, just like the first time he saw you, with your pearl necklace layered by your Tiffany & Co. Infinity Pendant necklace sitting pretty on your collarbone.

He recalls you gushing about how much you love layering jewelry pieces together or how complete it makes you feel on the first night you hung out alone. He also remembers you telling him that the Tiffany & Co. necklace you’re wearing now was bought with Renjun’s card after you begged him on your birthday.

“You look pretty.” Jisung blurts out before his brain can process that those words actually left his mouth.

His compliment makes you smile. “Thank you.”

Should I have said more? Was that not enough? She looks absolutely gorgeous, but if I say that, I might come off desperate and I am not desperate. Wait. Am I?

Pfft, no, of course not.

He shakes out of his mental dilemma when he hears you talk again, “You too—I mean, you look good.”

Despite you seeing him blush in front of you and mumble a “thank you”, his physical appearance did not match. An awkward guy dressed in his black graphic t-shirt and gray denim baggy jeans. To everyone else, he was seen as a stern, quiet dude who stayed close to his friends and played drums weekly, but to you? He was anything but stern or quiet.

“What’s with us always meeting in kitchens?” You try to joke, your horrible attempt to ease the weird tension in the air.

It was a pretty bad joke, if you could even call it one, but at least, you know that there will be someone who laughs at anything you say. And that’s Jisung. “Right? I guess it’s the place where we’re just destined to be together. We first met in Karina’s kitchen, then had our first interaction after Karina’s party in Johnny’s kitchen—”

“One horrible interaction.” You both wince at the immature memory.

“Yep, it was pretty bad… But now, you’re here with me in Chenle’s kitchen after… ghosting me for two weeks.”

An awkward laugh escapes your mouth, not knowing what to say now that the air suddenly grew uncomfortable. Fortunately for you, Jisung doesn’t notice and is instead embarrassed by himself.

“Sorry, I said kitchen too many times. That was–it sounded weird.”

It’s been two weeks without him and yet somehow, he still holds the power of making it impossible for you to be mad at him. You hate that you always find his awkwardness endearing.

“You’re fine, Ji. In fact, it didn’t sound weird to me at all.” You reassuringly smile, nudging his side.

And that one overused nickname he's heard from multiple different people sounded the prettiest when it came from you. A light switched in him and the next thing you know, Jisung's ranting about Rockway's past gig to Jeno breaking their blender after attempting to make a blueberry banana smoothie for him before their workout at the gym.

Your friends come over once they spot you two in the kitchen corner together, cutting your conversation short. Suddenly, you’re in the arms of Ning and Haechan, engulfing you in a hug while Jisung is kept occupied in conversation with Renjun, Mark, and Jaemin.

Soon after, your interactions die down with Ning and Haechan accompanying each other to go dance and the three guys who busied Jisung left due to Chenle pulling them away for a game of beer pong.

Chenle was successful in dragging Jaemin and Renjun while Mark followed suit. But as Mark was about to leave, he stopped to offer Jisung a spot to join, which you encouraged, since Rockway usually boasts about how skilled he is at the game. But he turned down his friend’s offer with a shake of his head.

You guess Jisung made a signal to the clueless guitarist because Mark says no more, glancing between you and him before letting out an “Ohhh…” He winks at the guy next to you, who you see grow more flustered by the minute, and exits out of the kitchen.

Jisung finally lets go of the breath you didn’t realize he was holding onto for so long and you’re left alone together once more.

The quiet gives Jisung the perfect opportunity to continue catching up with you. You’re not even thirty minutes into the conversation when it gets interrupted again, this time by Yeonjun and Jeno whining about their loss in beer pong. And after multiple pleas from them, they were finally able to pull the beloved drummer boy away from your side.

“I’ll be right back after this, I promise.” Jisung gives you one last pouty look before the guys tug him by the arms.

“Yeah yeah, don’t get clingy, lover boy.” Yeonjun chirps out as he and Jeno drag him away, the latter following up with a, “We’ll take good care of him, Y/N!”

Your eyes follow the three guys, they join the crowded table that has multiple red solo cups set on either side, and you take notice of how Jisung radiates a whole new light when he’s surrounded by his bandmates, along with your friends. You adored that you all became such a tight-knit group so quickly. It’s nice. Well, sometimes. Haechan and Mark currently screaming over one another is one of the reasons why you say “sometimes.”

“You guys already have Yeonjun! Let us have Jisunggg!” Haechan whines.

Mark lets out a humorless laugh, “What’re you talking about? Renjun clearly made y’all win last game!”

Your eyes shift over to Jisung, who’s covering his ears at the noise. It makes you laugh under your breath.

Luckily, the argument between Haechan and Mark didn’t last long because the next time you looked over, they were already concentrating on their game. Shotaro, a mutual friend of Rockway’s, was focusing his aim on the cup.

While Jisung is playing beer pong with the others, you’re left alone, feeling peaceful as you watch the party around you. But to your dismay, your content mood turns sour when you see Jaeyun, your ex-situationship, walk over.

“Y/N alone at a party? That’s a new one.” He snickers, pouring himself a cup of the cheap beer.

You watch him take a sip and scowl. “What are you doing here?”

“It’s an open-invite party, pretty face. You know I never skip out on these.”

“You’re not even friends with Chenle, or anyone here, for that matter.”

Jaeyun takes another sip of his drink, “Eh, so what? Again,” He lowers himself to directly meet your eyes, “It’s a free party.”

He disgusts you.

Once Jisung takes his turn throwing the small ping-pong ball towards the cup and it lands inside, as expected, his teammates Jeno, Mark, Yeonjun, and Wonbin cheer and hype the drummer up at his performance.

As Jisung glances between the four guys surrounding him, he sees you accompanied by someone in the background. His friends don’t notice him moving to the back of them as their attention is set on Jeno already being pushed to the front for his turn.

His eyes widen when he realizes who's talking to you. Jaeyun. The one guy you told him about on your first hangout together when he was curious about your past. He’s glad you didn’t hide yourself away from him when he asked because now, he knows that the guy is nothing but a lovebombing asswipe. But what he isn’t so thrilled about is the fact that he shares a class with the guy, let alone the same major.

You’re uneasy, he can tell. It’s painful to watch. And he’s sure your feeling gets worse once he sees you grow visibly stiff when a girl comes over and kisses Jaeyun on the cheek.

Insecure isn’t typically a word Jisung would use to describe himself. He sometimes becomes doubtful of himself, sure, but insecure isn’t a word that would be in his pile of descriptions. Plus, he knows he's on your mind every second of every day, and that was more than enough assurance for him.

But Jaeyun intimidated the hell out of him, he knew this, despite being a few months older than him, Jaeyun was bulkier and he was aware that his looks could kill, he guessed that’s how he got you gripped on him at one point in your life. However, that still didn’t stop him from excusing himself from his friends, lying to them that he needed to go to the bathroom.

Surprisingly, his friends paid no attention to his departure with how engrossed they were in their game, making it easier for him to rush to the kitchen.

You’re too busy tolerating Jaeyun and his next fling’s drained conversation they were having with you, to notice him walk in. That is until you feel a presence beside you and an arm wrapped around your waist, leading you to look up at the culprit and see Jisung. It was new seeing him touch you so comfortably like this, or be possessive either. You weren’t complaining though, it was definitely something you could get used to.

But the said man doesn’t have time to make eye contact with you because all he’s focused on is his main goal here, and that’s for Jaeyun to get out of your goddamn face.

“Sim, you’re not making her uncomfortable, are you?”

What is he doing? You think. Jaeyun letting out a low whistle and opening his obnoxious mouth again doesn’t allow you to dwell on it.

“Wow, Y/N, I didn’t think you were into,” He eyes Jisung up and down unimpressed, “lousy playing drummer boys all that much.”

Oh God.

You feel Jisung’s arm around you tense up, “What did you just say?”

Jaeyun only snickers. You watch Woona, his new fling who you, unfortunately, remember the name of cling onto him tighter. You roll your eyes at the action.

“I mean, as far as I remember, you were better than picking underground losers off the low-paying nightclubs his band plays at.”

You scoff. It was obvious he knew nothing about Jisung, Rockway, or any of their successes, “You’re full of shit, Jaeyun.”

Your ex-situationship couldn’t care less about what you said because once he sees Jisung’s fuming face slightly falter, he knows he got him. So he continues, “Jisung, I’m warning you now, man. You better find a better chick 'cause all you got right now is some bitch who’ll whore around for anyone with a dick attached—”

Everything happens in a blink of an eye. You seriously don’t know how.

One moment Jisung’s arm is wrapped around your body then the next, he and Jaeyun are on the kitchen floor while Jisung lunges at him right away, giving Jaeyun barely time to react before his fist crashes down on him. The connection to Jaeyun’s jaw creates a painful crunch that echoes across the room, resulting in some partygoers reacting to the scene.

Your expression never changes as you watch in disbelief at the whole thing, Woona instantly screaming and trying to push Jisung off. It doesn’t work though, she falls over when Jaeyun attempts to regain himself, bouncing back a punch that has Jisung’s head taking a hit to the side. But Jisung rapidly returns his attention. Regaining control of his fist, he delivers another vicious blow to Jaeyun’s face, then follows with another, and another, and by the next punch, he finds himself losing control.

The number of punches he’s thrown, Jisung stays unaware of it, and frankly, he doesn’t give a shit about it. He continues to stay unaware even when people’s arms are grasping him from behind to force him from the wounded Jaeyun.

“Jisung, what the fuck is wrong with you?” It isn’t until Haechan’s distressed voice snaps him out of his daze, that he finally notices Jaeyun being helped up by Yuta and Jungwoo.

He observes Jaeyun’s bleeding lip and bruised face and finds no remorse in his heart. Throwing punches at the guy isn’t the worst thing he could’ve done, he knew that Jaeyun knew he deserved it too.

Instead of answering Haechan and the others as their worries talk over one another, his breath remains raggedy when he takes a glance over at you, you didn’t move from the spot, your hand over your chest as you’re heaving, trying to recollect yourself from what just happened. His gaze is fixated on you while your eyes shift between Jaeyun and Woona, who’s giving you the worst side eye known to man.

Jisung guesses he didn’t hit Jaeyun hard enough, because he dares to open his mouth again. His voice raspy and taunting, “Shit, you’re lucky your band came to the rescue ‘cause I would’ve ripped you apart.”

“You never shut your mouth, do y—” It was stupid, Jisung knew it was, but it still had him attempting to pounce forward in the grasp of his friends but they swiftly pulled him back, making loud protests.

With all the voices that rang throughout the room, Chenle’s was the only one that caught Jisung’s attention, seeing his best friend angry was a usual thing, just not like this, “Ji, if you don’t wanna calm yourself down, take this shit outside.”

“Fine.” The younger’s eyes soften as he looks between Haechan and Jaemin who are currently holding him, “Let go of me.”

Haechan arches his brow at him, unsure of whether to trust Jisung or if he'll start something when he’s freed, but the two exchange a look before letting him go.

And just like that, Jisung storms out of the kitchen, paying no mind to Jaeyun who tries to reach for him. He exits Chenle’s apartment, and you immediately follow after him.

Your hurried steps make contact with the concrete sidewalk as you reach outside of the house, trying to walk faster to match his pace. The cold air quickly reaches your body, making you rub your arms in hopes of warming up.

When you’re walking close behind him, you speak up, “Jisung, I can’t believe you just did that! That whole thing was unnecessary, I don’t even know why you decided to get yourself hurt over someone as stupid as Jaeyun!” Your words coming out as a scold.

His abrupt stop in his tread almost makes you bump into him, but he turns himself around and faces you. He lashes out. “Unnecessary? My ass, it was unnecessary! I couldn't stand hearing him talk about you like that, especially when he's the one who treated you like garbage.”

Confused at his sudden outburst, you lash back, “Jisung, why did you do that?”

Jisung releases a deep breath, “Y/N, I did it because…” He can’t dare to look at you, so he glances up at the night sky instead. "Geez..."

You grow angrier seeing his focus not on you, “What, Jisung? What?”

“Fuck, because I like you, you idiot! Can’t you see that?” Your eyes slightly widen and you swallow the next agitated remark resting on your tongue. With you now becoming quiet, he allows himself to slowly calm down, “Look… I know I'm not the best with words, we know that. But these whole two weeks of me waiting by the phone just for one single text from you confused the hell outta me. I mean, at one point, you're hating me, and then I'm hating you, to us being friends, now to whatever this is.” He motions his hands between the two of you in a stressed manner.

Still. You can’t believe your ears, so you dumbly ask, “You what?”

He’s calmed down by this point, looking like an ashamed puppy, “I like you, Y/N. I really really like you.”

“And what makes you think I didn't feel the same?” Now it's Jisung's turn to be confused, his lost eyes being nothing but cute to you. Even beaten up, he was adorable. You sigh, “I like you too, stupid.”

“Oh, thank God.”

In a flash, his head is tilted down to match your height, and he leans in, his hands reaching for your jaw. Then, his lips meet yours. His fingers keep their place on your jaw, gentle and scared to move down. Finally, he thinks. Expecting you to pull away, he’s surprised when you kiss him back, your hands gripped on his shirt, pulling him closer to you. Fireworks weren’t going off, but your heart sure felt like they were.

You never thought your first kiss with Jisung would be like this, desperate and full of want. But you don’t care, he longed for this, and so did you.

He pulls away and rests his forehead on yours. He circles your waist with both arms, before he speaks, his breath still heavy, “I know that you told me you always wished for a fairytale kiss, but I couldn’t help it anymore. So, uh, I hope that kinda made up for it?”

He just kissed you and he’s awkward?

You affectionately smile, “It made up for it, Ji. Really.” You loop your arms around his neck. “Now is this a bad time to apologize for how stupid it was to ghost you or…?”

He chuckles, “You’re cute.” You pout and mumble a “shut up” before he continues, “But yes, it is. I mean, I already forgave you the moment you came over. I’m kinda hurt you didn’t realize that.”

His fake frown leads you to remove one arm from his neck and smack his chest, “I can’t read between the lines!”

“My bad, my bad. That was my fault for thinking so.”

You hmph, both of your arms taken off his neck for you to cross them instead, “Thank you.”

Jisung thinks your attitude is adorable, and he can’t even be mad at you. Especially with you finally in his arms again after yearning for you for three months, it made everything worth it.

previous ☆ masterlist ☆ next

note: THEY FINALLY SAID IT YALLL 🙏 this chapter is cliché and cheesy af!!!! but did i still kick my feet proofreading it? of course, i did 🤭 also so sorry for such a late update ☹️, i got busy prioritizing other things! but i'm finally back!

🎫: @idkwhatursayinh @sunghoonsgfreal @multifandomania @nanaxwi @odxrilove @sourrpatched @hancafe @chaellaa @dojaejunging @jising-jisang-jisung @heheheeral @haechansbbg @renjunsversion @seunghancore @woshixinqgiu @jiiieun @pinknjm @mrshwang-park @neozon3nha @joyzluvr @aerivrs @nosungluv @haechology @beomgyusonlywife @injunnie-lemon @tommina @222low

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newtthetranswriter · 4 months ago

Note

Hello !

Firstly thank you for all of works on FT !! Is it possible for some hc for Natsu , Gajeel , Sting & Grey with a s/o that is jealous about their relationship with Lucy , Levy , Yukino & Juvia ? Everyone think that these four will end up with the 4 girls without knowing they already have a s/o . How and will they tell people they already have an s/o ?

Thank you & take care of yourself :)

A/n: Hello, Firstly your welcome for all the FT work. Secondly Thank you for the request I love this idea. So I hope you enjoy and as always remember to hydrate or diedrate.

Natsu:

You guys just never thought announcing your relationship was necessary

So when Lucy joined and people started commenting on the chemistry between them Natsu brushed it off as just jokes

He doesn't even notice your jealous until you start distancing yourself from him

When he finally catches a clue he is confused why you would be jealous, after all he chose you didn't he?

But he would definitely take the time to reassure you that you have nothing to worry about

after making sure you know nothing will ever happen between him and Lucy, He will make an announcement to the Guild

Like he's jumping on a table and proclaiming that he is in love with you and will never look at anyone else the same way

After words he is more aware of comments about him and Lucy and shuts them down as soon as he hears them

Gajeel:

He was the one to suggest keeping the relationship quite, after every thing he did to fairy tale he didn't want you to get criticized for what he has done

When people started making comments about him and Levy, he just ignored them because he already had someone

So when you started to distance yourself he didn't really think it was connected

But once Panther Lily tells him that he needs to make it clear how he feels, he begins brainstorming

the next time you walk into the guild hall be ready for Gajeel to be on stage singing a song about you that barely make any sense

Once he finishes the song, even if he is slightly embarrassed he will pull you in front of everyone and announce that you are together and that he'll punch anyone who makes you feel bad

Gray:

You guys agreed that with Juvia's weird obsession with Gray, keeping your relationship between you and maybe your closest friends was the safest bet

But as Juvia became more touchy and more direct about her feelings, it put both you and Gray on edge

When he starts to notice you shying away from even just sitting together at the guild hall, he is more than ready to do something about it

He will fully put Juvia in her place, telling her that He is dating you and that if she keeps up with her shit or does anything to make you uncomfortable he'll take the problem to the master

he's not playing around, he doesn't want her kicked out of the guild but if she keeps making you uncomfortable then so be it

Sting:

It was your Idea to keep it on the down low, only Rouge, Frosch, Lector, and Yukino know

You just felt that with him being the new Saber tooth master, people would think he was showing favoritism if they knew you were together

He didn't like the idea but because you asked for it to be that way he accepted

But then rumors started spreading that he was showing favoritism to Yukino and you started to pull back from him

Both Yukino and Sting shut down every rumor as carefully as they can with out revealing who Sting is actually dating

Sting also tries his best to assure you that nothing is happening between him and Yukino

Eventually though it's Frosch who manages to get everyone to shut up about Sting being with Yukino

Frosch being as dumb as they are forgot it was supposed to be a secret

One afternoon when everyone was just chilling in the guild hall when someone asks Sting when he plans to marry Yukino, and before anyone else can tell them to shut up Frosch just goes "but Frosch thought Sting wanted to marry Y/n" queue the whole guild going dead silent

After Frosch's little comment everyone was confused so Sting rolled with it, deciding that he might as well just announce that. yes you and him are in fact together

(divider by @/cafekitsune)

#x reader #fairy tail x reader #newt writes #fairy tail gajeel #fairy tail gray #fairy tail natsu #fairy tail headcanons #natsu headcanons #gajeel headcanons #gray fullbuster headcanons #natsu dragneel headcanons #fairy tail sting #sting headcanons #sting eucliffe headcanons #sting eucliffe x reader #natsu dragneel x reader #gajeel x reader

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naomikozura · 5 months ago

Text

Playing with Fire: Chapter 5

Jason Todd (Red Hood) x Fem!Reader (Criminal)

Trope: Enemies to Lovers, Forbidden Romance

Warnings: strong language, gun usage, bodily harm, gunshot wounds, reader's past, slight angst, use of pain drugs/inhibitors (lmk if I missed any!)

WC: 8.7K

Summary: You don't imagine yourself getting caught in the middle of a difficult situation, especially not when you're being suspected by one of your boss's partners and being followed by your past. With Black Mask watching your every move, you have no choice but to turn to the last person you'd ever want to ask for help. What do you do when an underlying truth is revealed and a chance at leaving this life behind presents itself?

Series Masterlist

Chapter 4 || Chapter 6

Flash Back

There was a calmness tonight, feeling the warmth on your skin as you walked up the stairs that led to the roof, your heart racing in your chest as you pushed the door open, your heart stopping in your chest. Robin stood on the roof, a picnic mat laid out, a few small drinks and food placed perfectly as Robin met your gaze. Your smile spread across your face, a warmth in your chest as he walked over to you, his devastating smile making your body feel giddy.

“Hey, (Y/n).”, your eyes were bright as you looked up at him. Robin was tall, his dark hair slightly messy and his body muscular for a 16 year old.

“Hey, Rob.”, you smiled at him, your arms around his body as he hugged you tightly. He smelled like woodsy musk, the smell making you feel safe and comfortable.

“I have something for you.”, he pulled back, digging something out of his pocket as he held it out for you. “Happy Birthday, (Y/n)”

You gently took the small box, opening it to reveal a beautiful emerald green necklace on a silver chain, the stone a deep color in an oval shape. It was one of the prettiest pieces of jewelry you’d ever seen, and you’ve seen several pieces thanks to your adoptive mother. She had a wide range of jewelry and accessories made from the finest jewels and golds. All of them worth thousands if not hundreds of thousands, but this… this was worth far more than any expensive necklace someone could give.

You felt a rush of emotion, a tugging in your chest as you admired the green stone and touched it lightly, letting it sink in that Robin had just gotten you the best birthday gift ever.

“I… It’s perfect, Rob.”, you smiled up at him, your eyes flooding with a glossy sheen as you held back a small flood of tears from overflowing. “I love it.”

“I’m glad. I saw it and I thought of you. I think it brings out your eyes.”, he smiled as he pulled the necklace out of the box, moving your hair to the side as he walked behind you, his hands going over your head and clasping it around your neck. He looked down at you with a warm glance, taking in how the necklace sat on you. “I guess I was right. It really does look pretty on you.”

“I didn’t even get you anything for your birthday..”

“Well, you don’t know my birthday, and second, even if you did, you are more than anything anyone could ever give me.”, he smirked while tilting his head. “You’re the only thing I could ever ask for.”

“You’re such a flirt.”, you shoved him gently, moving over to the small area where he laid down the picnic area.

“I get it from my older brother.”, he shrugged.

You raised an eyebrow at him, “You have an older brother?”

“Yeah, he’s the golden boy of the family but I don’t mind. I prefer not being in the spotlight. Draws too much attention.”

“You say as you wear the Robin suit on a regular basis”, you joked as he let out a deep laugh, as he sat down next to you. He wore dark jeans and a gray long sleeve shirt, his eyes covered with sunglasses instead of his usual domino mask. It gave you a glimpse of what it would be like if the two of you had met under normal circumstances. Would you two meet up for dates? Would you meet his family?

The thought left you warm inside.

“Penny for your thoughts?”, he cocked his head to the side, staring at you as you snapped out of your trance. “Just… thank you for making today a good Birthday.”, he leaned in, placing a soft kiss on your lips, your mouth moving against his as you breathed him in. You didn’t want anything else but to be happy, and you found that in Robin. He showed you it was worthwhile living in Gotham, he understood your background, your struggles, your dreams.

“Anything for you.”, he smiled.

Everything was perfect.

“Y/n”, your head snapped up, meeting Penguin’s gaze. “Here is the paperwork for our partner.”.

He handed over a packet that held all the paperwork for the Arkham Asylum release, reading over all the information. He was confirmed for release in three weeks. Had it already been two months since they had started the process to get him out? Sionis had hired him but knew it would be difficult to get him to fulfill the job unless Black Mask and Penguin worked on bailing him out.

“We need to finalize the security transfer. You will go with the men to pick him up on his release to ensure no one can find that he’s out. Can’t have him getting a hit put in him either.”, you nodded as you took note of the date, committing it to memory. “You’ll be accompanied by Black Mask’s men, four guards and three drivers”

Such a high profile prisoner. You didn’t question the why, you knew the reason and it made your stomach churn. You’d never met the man in person but you knew he was evil, maniacal, a psychopath.

You wondered if he would actually be able to get the job done, especially since you already had suspicions of your inability to catch Red. You still couldn’t let Sionis get a leg up so easily. Penguin never questioned you or why you hadn’t caught him, the only thing that mattered was everything in the underground operations to run smoothly. For the past two weeks they had been. Red had stayed hidden since your encounter at the server room.

He’d helped you when you didn’t ask for it, he’d helped you even when you didn’t deserve it. You let out a sigh, pushing the thoughts out of your head before standing, stretching your arms as you handed the documents back to Penguin.

“Is there anything else I need to know before I have to make preparations?”, you cocked your head at him, raising an eyebrow to him as he waved you off.

“How is Calvi coming along?”, he lit his cigarette.

“It’s progressing. In fact, I may need the next week off before picking up our VIP. Calvi invited me to attend an upcoming Gala in a few weeks. I think it may be good to be his plus one for the evening.”, you mentioned, hoping he would be pleased with the progress you’d made with him.

“Take the time off, so long as you can be back the night of transportation.”, he nodded. “I look forward to the results, (Y/n).”

You nodded to him before grabbing your things and heading out for the evening. The guards led you out to the side, slipping out of the hidden door and wandering back to the main streets of the city. It was still early, probably enough time to get food at the store near your apartment.

It was only around 7pm, the sun barely starting to set as you moved through the streets. People were still out and it was a nice day, the sun was warm and many of the nearby stores were filled with people eating dinner, buying groceries, or just strolling on the street with their friends, families, or partners. A simple life they must live. A life you would never get insight into. It was never anything you could achieve but it was something you had dreamed of at one point. It was a lifetime ago that you envisioned yourself living a normal life.

Friends, a partner, nights out, birthdays, New Years celebrations, parties, movie nights, a family.

It was all a distant dream, something you were sure you had signed away rights to when you joined this life. You convinced yourself long enough that you were okay with it but nights like tonight, where you could see the buzzing of the evening and see the connections, the love, the trust everyone of these strangers had for one another. It caused an aching in your chest.

The past 6 years had been lonely.

“What about your friends?”, Robin asked as he cocked his head towards you.

The both of you were at a park this time around. It wasn’t often you’d go anywhere but the roof but he wanted to take you to the park. It was warm and the day was nice. You also had never met him during the day. He had a different kind of glow to him but it wasn’t any different than he was at night. You were off in the secluded part of the park, away from any people to give you your privacy.

You wore shorts, your hair up in a ponytail and a loose white tee and flannel. It was a more casual outfit than you’d normally wear, the family usually making you keep appearances, but you liked having casual days.

“I don’t really have friends.”, you admitted as you picked a dandelion out of the ground and picked the petals.

“You go to school right? You don’t talk or hang out with any of them?”, he leaned back on his arms, his legs stretched on the grass as he looked at you.

“I.. I’m not really liked at my school. Everyone sees me as this… thief who will never be at the same level as them.”, you hugged your knees to your chest, resting your chin on your knees and staring at the small ladybug on your shoe. “I won’t ever fit in with the rich people who live in this city.”

“Seems pretty boring to fit in.”, Robin leaned towards you, “I think it’s better to not be a part of the crowd.”

You turned your head, leaning your head on your arm as you looked at him. His hair was messy, his dark sunglasses covering his eyes, wearing black jeans and a dark gray shirt. It was tight around his arms, showing off his muscle and how fit he was, definitely because of the life he built with Batman. He was devastatingly handsome, you were sure if he went to a regular school every girl would be all over him and yet he spent his time with you.

“What about you? Any friends back in your normal life?”, you asked softly.

“I don’t try and make many friends, they’d never understand the life I have to live or the secrets I have to maintain to ensure Batman and I’s identities and work get exposed.”

“So… why do you hang around me if you don’t keep friends?”

He smiled at you, his hair flopping forward before running a hand through his hair and shrugging.

“It’s different with you”, he paused, biting his lip before speaking again. “You understand living in the street, and just getting picked up by someone and having to adjust to this new life. It wasn’t easy, especially because no one understands but… you do. That makes this a lot easier to manage knowing I can trust you to share my thoughts with.”, his body was relaxed, his aura changing as he opened up and felt more laid back.

A warm feeling spread in your chest as you held his gaze, the sensation making you feel more connected to him. How could someone you’d only known for a short while had grown as such a prominent part of your life. He was open, charming, kind, sometimes on-guard but he had opened up slowly overtime. You also opened up to him about different parts of your life on the streets, his own experiences similar to yours.

“You’re not too bad yourself, Boy Wonder.”

You grabbed a few items off the shelf, placing them in your basket before moving through the aisles as someone bumped into you, some of the items falling out of your basket.

“Shit, let me grab those for you.”, you turned to look at the guy as he picked up your items, standing at full height as he looked down at you. Your eyes widening slightly. “Sorry, I should’ve seen where I was going.”

He was tall, dark hair, green eyes, and was… handsome. He placed your items back into your basket before you thanked him quietly.

“Ah… it’s alright. Thank you for this. Accidents happen.”, you smiled slightly, holding up your items before turning and leaving, the man walking back to the other side of the aisles.

You quickly paid for your items, thanking the cashier as you headed home, letting the night come to a quiet end as you sank into the soft cushions, the exhaustion washed over you from the endless stress and pressure. You had Black Mask watching over you, Penguin’s job with Calvi and his VIP, and trying to catch Red. It became overwhelming, your body’s exhaustion finally catching up to you.

You laid your head back, staring up at the ceiling as you sank into the couch as the silence wrapped around you. It’d become routine. Work in the most extreme cases and with the craziest of people then coming home to a silence that’s become comfort for you. A break from the chaos was all you could ever ask for. You’d never be able to get a clean break. At least you feared not being able to.

You closed your eyes, letting the sound of the city blend into the background. The hum of the fridge, the cars outside, even the small voices of the people in the street all meshed together into a satisfying mix of what a normal life could be like.

Through half lidded eyes, you noticed something on the counter, furrowing your eyebrows in confusion before walking over and noticing a small box. You took the lid off of it, your heart dropping in your chest.

A pair of green earrings.

Instinctively, your hand touched your necklace, the exact one to match the jewelry in the box. You felt your heart swell with hurt, flashbacks of secret nights flooding your mind as you clenched your jaw. The thoughts flooding your head are borderline delusional. He was gone. He left you.

You picked the small box up, examining it for any notes or script left behind but they were by themselves. Placed perfectly in a velvet box, and beautifully crafted, they were meant to be worn as a set. A part of you knowing perhaps Robin would’ve given you the earrings if he’d asked you to be his. You shook your head, forcing the hurt of the thoughts away.

Your eyes narrowed slightly. The only thing that gave away why they were here was written in a calligraphic cursive.

Happy Birthday Y/n.

The night of the Gala was fast approaching, your preparations slowly falling into place as you gathered what you needed for the next two weeks. Everything was meticulously planned, you’d convince Calvi of working with Penguin and get him to cease trade with Red. The Gala was the perfect opening.

The warm water cascaded down your back, the heat burning your skin in a soothing and relaxing way. It was one of your sacred moments. Basking in the warmth and letting your body relieve itself from being tense. The fog filled the clear glass, your eyes focused on the water droplets as they fell down the wall of the shower.

After another half hour, you wrapped your towel around you, drying your hair with an old t-shirt you never wore anymore. You looked at the time, it was still early in the night, you figured you could go out for a ride to get your mind off things while you had the time.

You quickly changed into dark jeans, an old long sleeve and pulled on a leather jacket with your combat boots. You grabbed your helmet and made your way out the window, ensuring your front door was locked. You dropped down into the alley and pulled the tarp off the motorcycle. Swinging your leg over the seat, you turned the key and revved the engine, taking off through the streets.

There were still a good amount of people out tonight, some of them headed to upper Gotham for the rich and exclusive clubs and bars and others headed to the deep, dark corners of the East side. Gotham had its clear divide and there was no in between. Those caught in the middle would always be grouped with the lower half unless they had ties with the upper side.

You swerved through the cars, passing by in a flash through the city, the lights from the buildings adding to the ambiance of the night. It made the night feel different but it didn’t make the city any better. Pretty lights to cover up the shit show underneath them. It was all just a mask.

The sounds of the city slowly faded behind you as you drove through the outskirts of the city, heading to the nearby harbor that had a secluded beach that not many people seemed to visit anymore. It was nice enough but just not worth coming at night.

You kicked down the bike stand, leaving your motorcycle on the rocky road as you looked at the body of water in front of you. There wasn’t anymore sand, just a few rocks to sit on and the water fresh as the wind made small waves. You walked towards the water, standing right at the edge as the small waves kissed the bottoms of your boots. It came and went as the wind allowed it to, barely touching your sole as you watched it move smoothly.

“Do you ever have days off to just relax?.”, you looked out at the water, the moon reflecting on the waves as you stared out blankly.

“Relax? I barely get time to do homework”, Robin was standing next to you, throwing a stone against the water and watched as it skipped, making the reflection ripple in turn.

“Does Batman know you need to do good to graduate?” you joked as he shrugged his shoulders.

“He’d actually kill me if I did bad in school”, he picked up another rock before skidding it again. “Besides, it’s too easy regardless if the advanced curriculum”

“Woah okay, calm down know it all”, you laughed at him, the sound filling his chest with a warmth he hadn’t felt before. It sounded like a sort of heaven.

The both of you sat in the sand at the same time, the warmth of the sand against your skin, his legs stretched in front of him as you watched the lone birds swim in the water.

You felt his hand graze yours, his fingers slightly over yours as he tightened his grip slightly. He was relaxed, laid back, and confident. You melted into him, leaning your head on his shoulder and breathing in his woodsy scent. It calmed you.

He turned his head towards you, his other hand softly brushing your cheek, your eyes meeting his darkened ones. You wish you could see him without those damn sunglasses. You were sure he had the prettiest eyes. His thumb stroked your cheek and pushed a strand of hair back before pressing his lips against yours.

You melted into him, smiling against his lips causing him to smile through the kiss.

“You..”, he whispered against your lips. “You drive me crazy, Y/n.”

A blush crept up your neck, the heat burning between the two of you. Your heart full of happiness, full of content, full of…

“Always staying out past your bedtime, aren’t you?”, the silence broke, your body turning slightly, almost relaxed. Red stood a few feet behind you, his gaze locked on you as you stared at him with a soft look in your eyes. It made him falter an inch. Something that went unnoticed by you.

“Always following me? I’m beginning to think you’re obsessed with me.”, you said as the wind carried your voice towards him.

“Keeping my enemies close.”

Your eyes followed his movements, his hand clenching into a fist before relaxing as he walked beside you and stared out at the water. He stayed silent, confusion running through your head before his distorted voice rang out.

“You know he’s keeping tabs on you right?”, your ears perked at his comment, furrowing your eyebrows at him.

“Who’s keeping tabs on me?”

“Black Mask.”, he retorted as the silence grew thick with tension.

A wave of annoyance went over you, like every time he was near you it drove you mad. Red’s revelation cut through the tension like a blade, his words repeating in your head as you broke them down.

“You don’t have anything better to do than follow me around and lie about my alliances?”, you bit out at him, the anger slowly building inside of you.

“When have I lied to you?”

“When have you told the truth?”, you spit back quickly, your eyes snapping to him while glaring daggers.

His entire energy changed then, turning from relaxed to tense, his shoulders flexing under all the kevlar he was wearing. Why did you have to be so stubborn? Why did you believe the kingpins in Gotham were on your side? It frustrated him, made him burn at the fact that you couldn’t see how they undermined you.

“Do you really think Black Mask is on your side?”, his spit out, his hands forming into fists at his sides from his irritation. “You think he trusts you when this entire time he’s had tabs on you, waiting for the perfect moment for you to fuck up and out you to the fat bastard.”

Your eyes filled with anger, your shoulders tense with anger. Who the hell did he think he was to question your allies?

“Fuck you.”, you spit out as you pushed past him to leave, stopping when you felt his hand wrap around your arm, keeping you in place.

“I’m warning you. You already don’t like the son of a bitch, why would I lie about this?”, he questioned. “You suggesting he’s keeping tabs on me means you think Penguin also doesn’t trust me. They’ve been partners longer than I’ve worked for Penguin, accusing Sionis of keeping tabs on me means Penguin questions me too.”, you narrowed your eyes. “My loyalties have always belonged to Penguin.”

“And what are you going to do when you find out that I’m right?”

“You won’t be.”, you spit.

“They. Don’t. Trust. You.”

Enough was enough. You pulled your arm out of his grasp, turning and lifting your leg, letting your foot meet the side of his head, his neck cracking to the side as he moved back. You lunged at him, your fists meeting his body and making him release grunts of pressure. He recovered quickly, matching your aggression, his movements fluid and precise as he dodged your hits and tried to hit back with equal force. His hits barely made their mark as he moved forward, trying to grab you.

Every insult he’s made, every taunt, every doubt just pushed you further to the edge, adding fuel to the fire of your anger until it consumed you entirely. He overwhelmed you, consumed you, completely filled you with anger, frustration, annoyance, and yet you couldn’t bring yourself to make the final blow.

You’d told yourself for weeks, months, that it was all in spite of Sionis but was it really or did you enjoy torturing yourself? Did you enjoy the rush you got every time you came into contact with the infamous Red Hood that had all of Gotham after him?

You continued to take hits at him, your arm getting caught in his hand as he twisted it and pulled you over his body, slamming you to the ground as he forced you into the ground. Your hair feeling the cold, wet sensation from the waves of the water brushing against your hair slightly, his gloved hand next to your head in the water.

“Let me go!”, you pushed against him. “Don’t be fucking naïve, Y/n.”, he muttered. “The only reason he hasn’t fucking caught you is because I’ve been cleaning up your fucking mess and covering your tracks.”

You felt your entire body freeze at his comment, your blood growing cold at the confession.

He’s been covering my tracks?

“You expect me to believe that?”, you snapped, your voice laced with disbelief. “You don’t know shit! I’ve proven myself to Penguin for years, he trusts me and if Sionis wants to keep his connections he knows not to doubt Penguin.”

You almost gave a convincing argument, but the meeting you had with him a few days ago replayed in your head.

“It’s been almost two months. Why haven’t you caught the son of a bitch yet?”

“Doesn’t seem like you’re doing everything you can.”

“If you fail, I’ll make sure to do my own look as to why.”

“Believe what you want, sweetheart. You’ll realize sooner than later that you're nothing but a pawn in Sionis's game", the warning laced in his tone, his voice cutting through the haze of your anger. "And no matter how hard you try to fight it, you'll always be just another piece on his chessboard."

“Why bother helping me if I’m just some lowlife nobody?”, you demanded, your voice tinged with frustration as you held Red’s gaze. “If you hate me so much, why bother helping me? Why not let Sionis catch me and let him torture me? Or better yet, why not turn me in and watch as he beats me to an inch of my life?”, you were taunting him, pushing him to the edge as his grip tightened slightly.

“We both know Sionis isn’t shy when it comes to getting rid of those who betray him. So tell me, why?”

“I have my reasons. Don’t read too much into it.”, he forced out, his muscles flexed and you could tell he was getting more annoyed than he already was. It pissed you off that he was elusive, refusing to give you a straight answer to your questions. Your heart pounded in your chest, the adrenaline spiking once again because of him.

What was he hiding and why did it feel like he was tricking you?

What information did he have that would’ve made you second guess yourself, and why would he even suggest helping you by ‘covering your tracks’?

You wanted to dive deeper, but believing him would mean second-guessing the company Penguin kept. Regardless of how you felt towards Sionis, you wouldn’t question Penguin’s ties if you wanted to stay under his protection.

Red released you, moving away and walking back towards the road. His shoulders were tense, your confusion flooding your mind as you tried analyzing what just happened. The water dripped down your neck as you sat up, watching his back as he walked away.

“You’re not telling me everything.”, you wanted to know more about Sionis and his tabs on you. How long has it been? What did he know? Who was relaying the information back to him?

“Maybe not.”, he called out, his distorted voice sounding haunting with the quiet of the night. “But I’m sure your trust in the son of a bitch doesn’t require you to know more.”

Fuck.

He turned, leaving you sitting in your own confusion and frustration. How would you find out if what he was saying was even true? When would Sionis even find the time to focus on you when Red was the one destroying and dismantling all of his jobs? He would spend more time focused on killing Red instead of focused on why you haven’t caught him.

Sionis forgets your loyalty belongs to Penguin yet he questioned you tirelessly, always watching you and the way you were with Penguin’s partners. You were working on convincing Calvi to work with Penguin and it took priority for a split second. Now that you knew that Red was connected to Calvi it made everything more complicated. Sionis doesn’t care about complications, he cares about getting the job done and you haven’t been so cooperative in that aspect.

You forced yourself to your feet, wobbling as you brushed the dirt off of you, your body tired of Red throwing you around like you were some rag doll.

You needed to get out of this mess, needed to find out if Red was being truthful, if Sionis really was keeping tabs on you, and if Penguin had gotten any hint of his suspicion of you from Sionis.

All in its own time but the gnawing in your gut told you you needed to figure it out sooner than later.

Before it was too late.

One Week Later

This was stupid, brainless even. A part of you on edge at you as you paced around the roof, letting yourself try and calm down but your anxiety slowly ate at you.

The abandoned building laid in the outskirts of the city, it had no surveillance and was completely abandoned by every crime lord due to its lack of structure and functionality. It was the perfect, clandestine meeting spot. You recounted every word, detail, every bit of information in your head and shifted through each of the files you had organized in your head. Your feet pacing were the only thing that could be heard as you but your thumb while thinking. You checked the time, impatience and uneasiness tugging at your gut, the sound of footsteps making you turn a little too quickly towards them.

“You’re late.”, you said.

“You didn’t exactly make this spot easy to find.”, he retorted as he walked up to you, the distance only a few feet between the two of you. “The message you left for me was cute enough though.”

You’d blown up another one of his satellite locations on the outskirts of the city. Leaving a carefully planted code with a message attached on one of his shipments you knew only he could find. You knew it’d be a 50/50 chance of him showing, but you liked the odds anyway.

The silence suddenly laid over the both of you like a blanket, causing the tension to rise a bit but left more of an awkward silence than anything. The silence was necessary to help you collect your thoughts but also annoying as it made your anxiety eat at you.

Your eyes stayed trained on him, your guard down as you contemplated even asking him to meet you here.

“I-“, you stopped yourself, trying to swallow your pride. “I want you to tell me what you know about Sionis keeping tabs on me.”

You heard a deep chuckle escape him, his arms crossing as he stood tall, confident in himself and entertained by the fact that you were choosing to believe him. There was an obvious blend of distrust and reluctant cooperation. He’d never expected you to accept the intel he’d share.

“Tell me why you hate him”, he said with a firmness that left no room for you to reject his ask.

You hesitated, your guard slipping just a fraction. “It’s personal. I have my reasons.”, you said through clenched teeth. You met his gaze, your eyes hardening. “Leave it at that.”

“You give me information, I give you yours. Otherwise, figure it out on your own”, why did he always make everything much harder than it needed to be?

His words rang around in your head, you didn’t have time for this or his games. You needed answers, an in that Sionis would never know you had.

“Four years ago, I was barely getting into the Gotham Crime Ring. I was stealing from one of his jobs and he found me. He had his men beat me half to death before dumping me in the back alleys of Gotham. I nearly died before Penguin found me. I was weak, small, and Sionis doesn’t even fucking recognize me.”

“But you’re still trying to dismantle his empire”

“The only way I know how. From working on the inside.”, you confessed. “Now there isn’t a day that son of a bitch doesn’t try to get me to try and prove myself to him and his cause. As if I answer to him and not Penguin.”, the hate was evident in your tone, the disgust you had towards him burning deep inside of you as you fixed your gaze to the ground.

“So you’re risking getting caught.”, your eyes held a level of vulnerability in them that made Red’s walls falter before regaining his composure. “Gotham’s taken a lot from me. Forced me to give my old life for this one. This isn’t about taking out Black Mask. It’s much bigger than that.”

In that moment, the both of you shared a rare instance of mutual understanding.

“Sionis hired one of his men to follow you on the jobs your pig of a boss has been sending you on. He’s been watching you since the building fire.”, Red retorted, his arms still crossed as he took you in. You were wearing leggings and an oversized sweater that fell off your shoulder. Your hair was down and tucked behind your ears, your eyes full of confusion, distrust, vulnerability. It made something inside of him soften despite himself. “I found the son of a bitch.”

“Did you throw him off with a false lead or plant information?”

“No.”, he said seriously. “I killed him.”

Your eyebrows furrowed, the emotions swirling inside of you at his confession. He covered your tracks by getting rid of the person tracking you. No intel to make it back to Sionis, no suspicion raised about your loyalties or why you’d failed to kill Red.

The shuffling of his feet made your head snap to him again, watching as he turned to walk away before you called out to him. He turned to look at you, the silence elongating with each passing second.

He had killed Sionis’ informant…

Sionis had hired someone to track you all because you hadn’t caught Red yet. Were there others? Did he have other informants looking into different jobs you had been doing or was it just the one?

“There isn’t any others if that’s what you’re wondering.”, Red’s voice sounded as you clenched your jaw. There was a knawing sensation that ate at you from his confession and a part of you wondered why he’d even consider a task like helping stop information that could expose you to Sionis. It would remove you entirely from the equation and make everything easier for him to achieve.

“How do I know you aren’t lying.”, she narrowed her eyes at him, waiting for a crack in the lie that you wanted the truth to be so badly and yet he further proved he was telling the truth.

He threw a device at you with a badge attached to it, your hands gripping the receiver and noticing it was the same technology that Sionis Industries mass produced for all of Sionis’ close men that did the underground work for him whenever he needed, The badge had two photos in it, one of the man who was hired to follow you and the second being a photo of the same man decapitated.

“I’m not your enemy, Y/n.”, his voice was so deep you could feel the vibration flow through your body and left you with a sensation in your chest that you couldn’t quite place. You wanted to believe when he said he wasn’t the enemy, but in reality he was. He’d infiltrated a majority of Penguin and Sionis’ operations, has killed more men in the underground than you could count, he was constantly after you and taking any open hit to get rid of you, he would further prove your disloyalty in letting him go time and time again even if it was unintentional. Yet, he stood here telling you about the informant, getting rid of them and in turn saving you from having to face whatever abuse Sionis would bring on to you for not following simple orders. Orders if disobeyed by anyone else would’ve resulted in their death a long time ago.

“I know you don’t trust me, but you’ll figure out why this is happening sooner than later. I’m helping keep you out of trouble Out of his line of fire. Out of everything.”, his voice had softened slightly, the edge no longer present.

Your breathe came out ragged, your eyes filled with confusion and disbelief. She couldn’t trust his word, couldn’t take his side over Penguin’s. It wasn’t a pill she wanted to swallow or a reality she wanted to face, yet the proof was right in front of her. The photo, the device, the badge confirming employment through Sionis.

“I’m not here to hurt you… not anymore.”, he said finally before he turned, slipping into the shadows as you stood still examining the items and being left with your thoughts. As the echo of the night slowly faded away, you were left with the grappling realization that Red wasn’t her enemy anymore, and Sionis wasn’t an ally to Penguin.

When did the tables turn so quickly?

When had he become the ally and the business partner to your boss the enemy?

Sionis had always been your enemy, but his partnership with Penguin allowed you a certain level of immunity from him. Now, it didn’t seem like Sionis was following that code of business anymore.

Red… he was a puzzle you couldn’t solve, and being in this world of crime, it made him the most dangerous thing of all.

Could you trust him?

There were times that you wondered if any of your jobs would ever go on the right track, if you could make it through just one night since meeting Red without being stuck in an impossible situation or have him fuck everything up while you tried getting the intel you needed.

The blood in your veins pumped through you and roared in your ears as you ducked behind a crumbling brick wall, the distant sound of gunfire echoing through the air. You tried looking around the corner to find an out, anything to get out of the shitshow Red had created.

You grit your teeth, narrowed eyes focused on Red as he shot towards the men, your path blocked by their pointless shoot out.

“Hey! If you’re done playing with your friends I would love to leave!”, you yelled at him as he threw himself behind a pillar and tried getting out of the shooting range.

“Sweetheart, I’m glad you want my attention, but I’m a bit busy trying not to get killed”, he shouted back as he shot back at the men on the other side.

This was pointless, you needed to get out. Your frustration reached its boiling point as you tried to slip away on your own, trying to find even the tiniest opening. Once the bullets stopped for a split moment, you quietly slipped through, the moment short lived as you heard the sound of a lone gunshot ringing out and buried itself in your shoulder, throwing your body in the ground as you let out a cry of pain.

“Y/n!”, you heard Red’s call after you as he took better aim, two of the men immediately falling. You body lay on the ground, the blood pouring out of you as you tried to push pressure on your shoulder. This was the second time you’d been shot in the shoulder, both times thanks to Red.

Your vision started to haze, your head spinning from the pain. Regardless, you couldn’t stay in one place, you tried to push yourself out of the way and drag yourself out of the line of fire. Before you could even move, Red tan over to you, his hands helping pick you up as he moved you to the other side, a slight sign of movement tipping him off as he turned and shot the last of the men, the body limping as it fell hard on the ground.

“Y-you..”, your anger slowly melted away as the grip of his hands stayed on you, making your skin burn in embarrassment. You grit your teeth in pain, your pride wounded just as much as your shoulder.

“Relax”, he muttered.

“You try fucking relaxing with a bullet in your shoulder!”, you spat back in annoyance. His body language changed from helpfulness to frustration at your stubbornness, trying to relax as he laid you down on the ground.

You glared at him, watching as he pulled out bandages and a small, collapsible version of forceps.

“This is gonna hurt.”, he met your eyeline, handing you a piece of fabric to bite on.

“Whatever, just get it over with.”, you laid against the small wall, your head leaned back as you felt the pressure build in your shoulder, your own blood running down your arm as he carefully inserted the forceps. You clenched your teeth in pain, feeling the flesh move around as he slowly tried to remove the bullet.

Anesthesia would be ideal, but being in field and completely caught off guard made it impossible. Red focused, trying his best to ensure the pain could end sooner than later, the sound of your painful grunts made him work faster.

The twitch in your leg made him focus more, applying pressure to try and stop the bleeding. The sting of the bullet burning you from the inside, lifting your arm to cover your mouth to try and keep from screaming. The white burning pain left you in overdrive. You’d been shot before but removal was always done with you under anesthesia or being completely knocked out so Penguin's doctor could work. This was a pain you never wanted to experience again.

Red finally managed to remove the bullet, luckily all in one piece. He quickly applied the small bottle of alcohol on the wound to keep it from getting infected before wrapping it in bandages. Your chest heaved as you tried to catch your breath, the shakiness making Red wonder if you’d pass out from the pain.

“Y/n”, he watched as your eyes dropped, tapping your face slightly to get you to snap back to attention. “Y/n.”

“What?!”, you snapped, your body full of irritation and frustration. How many more hits could your pride take before you started to look pathetic?

“You need painkillers”

“I don’t need shit.”, you muttered, forcing yourself to stand as you reached into your utility belt, pulling a small dial and twisting the cap to reveal a needle. Red watched as you shoved it into your arm, the relief from pain sweeping over you in a sweeping sensation.

Red’s eyes narrowed, watching you as your breath evened out and your body relaxed. A wave of relief helped you focus, orient yourself back to reality as you turned and watched Red’s narrow gaze.

“Drugging yourself up now?”, he retorted.

“It’s a pain inhibitor.``, you forced as you tried rolling your arm to lessen the soreness. You hated using it but you were desperate, it wouldn't last forever and the after affects would leave you sore but at this moment, you couldn't care about those affects. You needed to get home, away from him and his chain of bad luck. The shot gave you enough leeway to get home and take real pain killers. This would only last for a short time, often used whenever you were too far from home or the Lounge to get actual medical assistance.

You shot him a final glance, turning and walking away as he rose to his full height, his stature still overwhelming as he stood a good foot, foot and a half over you. In any other circumstance the obvious power difference would have done something to you, would’ve built a pressure in your gut but right now you couldn’t bring yourself to care about his presence.

You started to walk away before feeling his hand clamp on your wrist, your annoyance eating at you. You did not want him near you right now.

“I have a job proposition”

Oh, now he was getting fucking bold.

Your eyes snapped towards him, narrowing and staring daggers at him. His silence giving an edge to his statement. You didn’t care if he was serious, he could go fuck himself. You pulled your hand out of his grasp as he stepped forward.

“Work with me.”, he reached for you again, but you turned quickly, kneeing him in the gut and slamming his head down against your knee in one other movement. He grunted as you pushed him back and swung your leg around, snapping his head to the side as he fell, pulling out your knife before forcing him to the ground, your teeth clenched in anger.

“You get me fucking shot and now you think you have the right to ask me dumbass questions?”, you spit out as your arm burned slightly. He grunted underneath you, his body moving slightly before you leaned down.

“Why would I ever agree to work with you”, you spat at him, your knife digging further into his neck, a small trail of blood trailing down the side. You had venom in your voice but the sound of his Jericho 941 connecting to your temple and being cocked echoed in your ears. The barrel was cold, giving you a rush of adrenaline being on him like this.

Red’s eyes squinted as his gun remained connected to your temple, your body still on top of him as your legs held down his arms and your hands stayed trained on the dagger you held to his throat. It was a compromising position, but one move from either of you would result in both of you getting killed. A double murder at the hands of each other.

What a glorious yet lame way to die.

“I can offer you something with this that you’ve always wanted, sweetheart.”

You leaned in, your face getting close to his, the gun still cold against your head. “And what’s that, Red?”

“Your freedom.”, his distorted voice whispered, your eyes narrowing at him as you watched his hand lower, the gun falling to the ground as he uncocked it. “You do this job with me, I’ll give you a 50/50 cut.”

You stared at him, trying not to let the shock be evident on your face. You slowly moved your body back, your legs rubbing against his causing friction between the two of you. You loosened your grip on the dagger and put it back into its sheath. Why would he hold this over your head like some trap?

“What are you after? How do I know you’re not playing me for a fool?”

Red started sitting up, his body weight on his elbows and forearms as he looked up at you, meeting your eye line. “A couple million is more than enough for anyone to live comfortably. I want to do this to get a direct hit at Black Mask’s operation and under the table trades with the Black Market. You hate him and I’m trying to dismantle him one piece at a time just like you are. If we steal and sell one of his most valuable possessions, you get the money to leave Gotham like you’ve always wanted. Set our differences aside, steal the target, get our payout. We both live to see another day and go our separate ways.”

“You’re a con-man. The enemy. I don’t trust a single thing you have to say.”, you pushed yourself off of him, standing as you took a few steps back, letting yourself think about his bogus offer. You worked for Penguin, not Black Mask. You had been trying to find ways to get a straight hit at Sionis without outing yourself. Could this son of a bitch be your answer?

“Have I not shown you I’m not your enemy.”

You turned to look at him, your hair blowing in your face as you stared at him with narrowed eyes. You watched as he stared at you, the white sockets of his helmet moving slightly. You crossed your arms to try and cover your body from his wandering eyes.

“How do I know you’re being serious and not planting this meeting so you can out me later on for agreeing to work with you?”

Red walked towards you, his body seeming bigger due to the weapons he had on him and the thickness of the kevlar plates covering his body head to toe. He stared at you as he held out a small flash drive, waiting for you to take it.

“This has everything you need to know about what I’m trying to do. It should prove how serious I’m being about this.”, his voice broke as his filter cut in and out, making him sound even more ominous than usual. “Besides, anyone who’s anyone in the underground knows that you’re one of, if not, the smartest person to have on your side when trying to orchestrate a heist. Especially one at this caliber.”

You furrowed your eyebrows, slowly taking the drive out of his hand before examining it. It was standard, easy to plug into your off grid computer and not be traced. If it had some sort of virus, you’d already programmed your computer with an anti-virus to delete anything and everything off the drive.

“I’ll think about it.”, you said, still holding his gaze.

“Good. I look forward to your answer sweetheart.”, you watched as he turned, walking to the ledge of the building before jumping off the side and going down into an alley, likely where his motorcycle was hidden for an easy getaway. You followed suit, heading back home as you held the drive in your hand, the questions swirling in your head. As you reached your apartment you quickly changed into loose clothing, letting yourself get comfortable before taking some of the pain killers you had in the cabinet.

You grabbed the blanket off the couch and pulled your laptop onto the table, opening it before connecting the hard drive into the USB on the side. The file window opened, showing the file size and the name.

‘Josephine’

You felt a tug in your gut at the name. There was no way.

You leaned forward, your elbows on your knees as you watched the file download onto your laptop. Your heart pounding in your chest. He wouldn’t be so crazy to pull something suicidal like this…. Would he?

Your eyes focused on the screen as everything poured in. Blueprints, camera locations, attendance lists, background checks, security measures, charity dates, gala notices, lists of every major possession in the building, bank information, possible outliers, anomaly situations, emergency exists, car information, hidden passages, even valet service and the company that would be in charge of the event. Your eyes widened as you skimmed through all the information like a hawk.

You slouched back into the couch. Your blood rushing through your ears as you soaked in every bit of information, your brain overwhelmed by how deep he’d done his research.

He was serious.

He was insane.

Out of every encounter you’d ever had with the Red Hood, this would be the most insane thing he could possibly think of. All this just to get at Black Mask? A part of you had to commend him for being so cocky and having the balls to believe he’d pull something at this caliber off.

He’d escaped a burning building and a massive explosion, being taken on and hunted by all of Gotham, being chased down and shot at, being forced to fight 10 men all at once. He had come face to face with Batman and Nightwing, Black Mask’s men, Penguin’s men, and you. A series of misfortune and yet he'd come out alive every time.

You physically felt your stomach turn at the information in front of you. Your heart pounding as you brought a hand to cover your mouth slightly.

That son of a bitch.

He was fucking lowballing.

He wasn’t doing this for a couple million.

He was doing this for a $48.4 million diamond.

A/N:

Hi guys! This chapter was probably one of the most difficult to write since it's mainly a little bit of filler to move and transition into the Gala chapter, which I have planned and get things moving and picked up! I truly do hope that you guys are enjoying this and if you do I would love to see your comments and feedback! I truly do thrive off of feedback and seeing everyone love on this series even if it is only starting out!

Also, I have been rewatching Attack On Titan and wonder if you guys are also anime or AOT fans, if you guys would be interested in a Royal!Reader x Criminal!Levi Ackerman series once I'm done with Playing with Fire?

I've had the idea for years. I remember writing a series on DeviantArt wayyy back in the day and plan to revamp it! Let me know if that's something you guys are interested in and I've also already received a good amount of feedback from other users on here.

Sorry for the long note but I hope you enjoy this chapter and I can't wait for next week! See you then, xx.

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caffedrine · 4 months ago

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Nokto Klein - Beyond the Connection Between the Past and the Present – Event Summary

This is mostly a summary for me - I make no promises on the accuracy of what’s happening. I’m not nearly fluent enough to get half the jokes/innuendo much less accurate plot points.

When Emma pokes her head out of the blankets one morning, she blearily sees familiar gray hair and red eyes. Oh, was Nokto watching her sleep again? How embarrassing.

Her voice full of sleep, Emma calls out to Nokto and asks if there’s something wrong. When he doesn’t reply, Emma surmises that he must want to be pampered today. Reaching a hand out from under the blankets, Emma combs his hair back.

Nokto giggles, telling her that she’s ticking him. Weirdly, he also calls her ‘big sister’.

. . .

Huh?

Was Nokto’s head always so little? And was his voice always so prepubescent? Emma looks closer at Nokto, but he was standing instead of kneeling next to the bed. Was Nokto always so short?

Suddenly Nokto, in all his adult glory walks into the room, breezily wishing Emma a good morning and asking if she’s awake yet.

He stops when he sees the kid and there’s a long silence. Nokto breaks it, asking Emma to explain the situation to him.

After the explanations are over, and Nokto has taken a nice long look at the kid, he guesses that this himself as a child.

(This, but a smaller head)

Lil’Nokto asks if this is what he’s like as an adult, and Nokto admits that, unfortunately, he is.

Lil’Nokto asks what he means by ‘unfortunately’ and Nokto admits that he’s bad with children.

Emma muses that Nokto’s past self really is here with them, and Nokto wonders if this is some sort of dream. Experimentally, Emma pinches her cheek.

Lil’Nokto is aghast - doesn’t she know that if she does that, her face will freeze and never return?

How cute!

Emma assures Lil’Nokto that she’s fine, see?

Oh, okay, that is true. Still, Lil’Nokto urges her to take better care of herself, he doesn’t want anything to happen to her beautiful face.

Emma asks Nokto how she can endure this . . . This unfiltered cuteness. Nokto grumbles that she never reacts like that when he says sweet stuff too.

Of course, just in case she’s wondering, Nokto also thinks she’s beautiful.

Her face going red, Emma thanks him. Wow, there really is something different when the adult calls her beautiful.

Well, as much fun as it is competing with some kid for Emma’s affections, they do need to figure some things out. He asks Lil’Nokto what he was doing before he arrived in the future.

Lil’Nokto has an easy answer - he was with his brother Licht, have they seen him?

As Nokto replies that he hasn’t seen Licht, Emma imagines running into adult!Licht, who would be as confused as the rest of them.

Lil’Nokto is worried, he needs to find Licht in order to return home. If he can’t find Licht, and is alone with his mother . . .

. . .

Thinking fast, Nokto ‘remembers’ seeing Licht. It looked like he had found adult!Licht and last he saw, they were riding a horse together. They’ll probably be back after dark.

An adult version of Licht!? Lil’Nokto sounds excited.

Well, there’s no point in worrying about it until after dark, so why don’t they do whatever they want? It looks like Emma over there is dying to feed them some sweets!

Turning to her, Lil’Nokto asks if it’s true, which it is. Emma promises to make him anything he likes, and he promises that he loves everything.

Okay, Emma will just have to make a variety.

Suddenly Lil’Nokto gasps and points - Emma has an injury! That red oval mark, right on her neck.

As Lil’Nokto panics, adult!Nokto has to turn away to laugh. He assures Lil’Nokto that while it may be red, Emma doesn’t find it painful at all.

Huh?

Oh-ooooh. The hickey Nokto left last night.

Her cheeks growing red with embarrassment, Emma assures him that she’s fine and thanks him for being worried for her.

Anyways, while she’s cooking, Nokto will take care of Lil’Nokto. He has so many things he wants to teach him while Emma is away . . .

When Emma returns with tea and snacks, they begin playing a card game. A card game that Emma immediately loses. Weird, she used to be pretty decent at cards.

It’s down to Nokto and Lil’Nokto, with Nokto pronouncing the sweets go to the winners. Lil’Nokto cheers at this, and dives in. When they had started, Lil’Nokto had been hesitant about eating, but with Nokto’s idea to use sweets as the reward, any hesitation Lil’Nokto had is gone.

Lil’Nokto begins to ask to play again- this time with a different reward but falls silent.

While he stuffs himself with more sweets, Emma leans into Nokto and asks what he was talking about while she was in the kitchen.

Oh, not much. He just wanted to give Lil’Nokto some advice that would come in handy.

Huh, maybe he was giving him card game tips?

Emma pronounces that for the next card game, she’s not going to go easy on Lil’Nokto just because he’s a child. From now on, she’ll go all out.

Lil’Nokto is surprised - Emma wasn’t being serious?

(She was, she had gone all out)

In that case, Lil’Nokto agrees not to go easy on her either, he won’t hold back anymore.

What a challenge! Nokto pronounces the winner gets to ask the loser for anything. Anything at all.

This is a little more interesting than gambling for sweets, right?

Emma braces herself; she can’t lose.

One loss later . . .

Emma sits with her head down. She is the loser, and depending on who wins the next round, she’ll have to reward either Nokto or Lil’Nokto with anything they want.

They both play their last cards, and the winner is . . . Lil’Nokto. Emma can’t help but catch the glimpse of a card in Nokto’s sleeve, he had been cheating on his younger self’s behalf.

A win is a win. Nokto reminds Lil’Nokto that he can claim his victory from Emma, but what will he request?

Lil’Nokto barely has to think - does she remember earlier that morning when she stroked his head? He wants her to do that again.

Emma complies, gently stroking Lik’Nokto’s hair. It’s so soft and fluffy. Lil’Nokto murmurs that her hand is so warm and nice, he could stay like this for ever.

To her surprise, Nokto has a sad and lonely expression. Emma asks if something is wrong, and Nokto admits that there was a time that he was like this.

Okay then.

Emma beckons Nokto to join them. He does, telling Emma that she doesn’t have to do this.

Okay, but she wants to.

Well, fine. If it’s what she wants, he’ll indulge her.

Though there is no guarantee this will last beyond this moment, Emma wants both Nokto and Lil’Nokto to feel happy.

Both are important to her.

#ikemen prince #ikepri #nokto klein

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its-time-to-write · 1 year ago

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This is NOT Jamie Tartt slander. This is two sleep-deprived people making dumb choices because they’re tired. Also, this is so. Freakin. Long. Apologies in advance. Warnings include swearing, fighting, pregnancy? Is that a warning? Basically reader is pregnant and it goes through the first pregnancy test to like when the baby is a month old. Anyway. I never know how to write these intros.

you’re losing me

You and Jamie are young. You are not old. Sure, you’re married after only dating for a year and being engaged for another half a year, but it’s not like much changed from how it was. That band on your left hands gives you both a sense of security, and it’s fun to be the hot young married couple around Richmond. It’s nice to be able to walk around openly and to be called “Mrs. Tarrt,” and to know that this himbo dumbass is going to be making you laugh till you’re old and gray. (Said himbo dumbass told you that’s his favorite nickname). You both excel in your various workplaces and because of that, when you moved into Jamie’s house you were able to keep your flat. It turned out to be a blessing when your younger sister moved to England from another country, so she can be close by without actually being in the same house as you.

All that to say, you were not ready for the little pink stick you were holding at 4pm on a Wednesday.

“Babe?” Jamie calls from the front door, “I’m home! You here?”

Your eyes are glued to those two little lines. “In the bathroom!” you shout. You hear Jamie’s footsteps coming up the stairs into your room.

“Oi listen, Ted told this joke today that went over me head, so I remembered it to ask you and…” he trails off. “Why are you sitting on the floor?”

You turn to look at him, the same shock from five minutes ago still on your face. In an instant, Jamie is kneeling on the floor next to you cupping your face. “Are you alright? Do you need to go to the hospital? Do I need to call someone? Did something happen at work?”

You shake your head. “No, I’m fine, I just- look.” You halfheartedly lift the pregnancy test. Jamie looks down and his face shifts from concern to one of shock then back to concern.

“Are you sure?” he asks softly.

Wordlessly, you point to the sink where there are five pregnancy tests of different brands. All positive.

“Shit,” he whispers. Then: “Wait. Why aren’t you happy bout this? I thought you wanted kids?”

“I do!” you reply a little miserably, “I do, it’s just, we talked about it and I know you really don’t at least not till you’re in your mid-thirties, and I know I told you that I wanted to have them young that one time, but that was before we were dating and I didn’t want to pressure you and I don’t want you to think I did this on purpose because I didn’t but I’m actually really scared about what you’re going to think because I’m so excited, especially because I didn’t even think this was possible.”

You’re not looking at him anymore, but hugging your knees to your chest. You are excited for this baby. You didn’t think you were going to be able to have kids, based on personal issues and family medical history. Or at least, that it would take a lot of time and a lot of doctor’s appointments. The fact that you have a total of six positive pregnancy tests is a miracle in and of itself, but it’s not what you and Jamie planned. And sure, you’re married, but does that really mean you won’t split up? This is pretty big.

All these thoughts are swirling around in your head until-

“Hey.”

Jamie softly tilts your chin up. “Look at me.”

Against your will, tears have started to leak out of your eyes.

“Darling, I ain’t mad. I think mostly I’m just glad you ain’t dyin. This is amazing! We’re going to have a little baby Tartt, and I couldn’t be happier. As long as you’re alright, I’m happy.”

You grab his bicep. “Are you absolutely sure, Jamie?” You need to know.

He laughs. “Babe, yes. Yes I am. For better or for worse, yeah? Though this really is for better.”

You crack a smile. “Ok. Ok. Yeah, ok.”

Jamie twirls a strand of your hair. “We’ll be ok, yeah? Now let’s get off this floor and go get ice cream. Heard that’s a pregnancy staple. And, on the way, can you explain this joke Ted said? Everyone laughed except me and Will, so I was thinking it’s gotta be...” his voice trails down the hall as you head out the door.

—

Jamie is funny. Once he decides to do something, he’s all in. He wanted to start telling people the moment you stepped out the door for ice cream. You had to physically put your hand over his mouth to stop him from telling Mae, whom you bumped into on your way. To be honest, you’re sure she knows anyway because Jamie got out a few words and she gave you a knowing look, but she’ll keep it to herself. She’s a good one.

It was only a matter of time before Jamie insisted you start telling the team. He’d say, mid-breakfast, “Babe. You know who would be a great babysitter? Sam. Sam’s one of me best mates. Haven’t kept a secret from him in forever,” with a puppy dog face.

Or during MarioKart, “What do you think about having Isaac and Colin help with the baby’s room? Isaac’s good at all that construction shit and both you and Colin like to paint. You probably shouldn’t be painting anyway, what with all the fumes.”

Or your personal favorite, during a shower, “Babe. What about Roy and Keeley?”

You: “What about Roy and Keeley?”

Jamie: “They should know. We should tell them. Keeley would flip her shit and I want to see if Roy will cry.”

You: “That’s what you’re thinking about? Here? Now? Good lord, man, I thought you were debating which conditioner to use.”

To be entirely fair, it was about the time to start telling people. You had started stealing Jamie’s shirts claiming that they were more comfortable. They were baggier on you, so they hid the beginnings of your baby bump, and you explained away any questions by reminding people that you wore a lot of layers because you were perpetually cold. However, you were at the point where you were going to have to start telling people, which is how Roy and Keeley ended up at your house for your bi-weekly dinner that you had been delaying for two months.

You had taken approximately two bites of food before Jamie clattered down his fork and said, “We have something to tell you.”

Roy and Keeley looked at you expectantly. You reach under your chair for two bags and place them in front of their plates.

Roy’s face is saying what the fuck as he and Keeley remove the tissue paper and hold up two onesies. A black one that says, newest addition to uncle’s day and a light pink one that says, if you think I’m cute, you should see my aunt.

They look from the onesies in their hands and then back to you and Jamie. “Surprise!” you say in unison. There is a beat of silence and then Roy says, “That’s fucking great!” at the same time Keeley squeals, “Ohmygod, congratulations!” and then you’re all on your feet hugging.

“I fucking knew it,” says Keeley. She nudges Roy, “Didn’t I tell you Roy-o? I fucking called it weeks ago! You owe me ten quid.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Roy grumbles as he reaches into his pocket, but that’s as close to a smile he’ll get. “Can’t believe you’re having a kid with this prick,” he says to you, but it’s prick (affectionate) as opposed to prick (derogatory).

You smile. “You’re the first people we’ve told, other than Jamie’s mum and Simon. You’re the closest thing we have to family here.”

Keeley goes, “Aw, babe,” and Roy just squints at you and lets out a grunt.

“She’s gonna have the coolest family,” Jamie says.

“She?” Keeley asks, “Are you having a girl?”

You roll your eyes. “We don’t know. We’re going to find out tomorrow, and Jamie has been insisting that it’s a girl. He says it’s his ‘dad sense,’ or something like that. I’ve given up telling him that’s not a real thing.”

Jamie shrugs, “I know what I know. Don’t get why we have to go to some bloke with that slimy gel to be told something I’ve been saying for weeks.”

“That bloke with slimy gel is my doctor and an ultrasound, you absolute himbo!” you laugh.

Roy finally cracks a smile, and you spend a comfortable evening together, thinking about how much things are going to change.

—

A week later, you’re at the Richmond pitch. You walked over from Mae’s, because you were thinking about her chips all afternoon. You ate at least three baskets and she made a sly comment about eating for two. She pinched your cheek as she walked away and then smacked Baz, who was trying to eavesdrop.

You walk into the locker room, coat still on and reach up to kiss Jamie. He’s still a sweaty from practice because none of them have gone to the showers yet, but you don’t mind.

“You ready?” he asks.

You give your arms a shake. “Ready as I’ll ever be.”

You walk into Ted and Beard’s office, where you asked Rebecca and Higgins to meet. Trent is in there as well, and he looks up in surprise as you walk in.

“Good to see, Mrs. Tartt,” Ted says as he gets up to hug you.

“Hey Ted,” you smile back, going over to hug Rebecca. “How are you all doing?” “Oh you know, biting our nails for whatever it is you guys have to tell us,” Ted replies.

“You’re not leaving, are you?” Rebecca interjects. “I simply cannot handle any more change around here.”

You shake my head. “No, no we’re not leaving. But this is about a change.”

Back in the locker room, the Richmond boys hear a big “WHAT,” from Ted and look over to see you and Jamie getting swarmed by him, Beard, Rebecca, Higgins, and Trent. Isaac looks at Sam and shrugs, bemused. You and Jamie open the door and walk out right under where the “Believe” sign used to be.

You smile and take off your coat, revealing a shirt that says “Tartt in the oven,” and an obvious baby bump.

There is silence as jaws drop and then Isaac says-

“I’m going to be an uncle?”

The locker room erupts in pandemonium with the boys slapping each other on the back firing rapid-fire questions at you and Jamie.

“How long have you been keeping this a secret?”

“Is it a boy or a girl?”

“Are you going to name it after me?”

“Can I be the favorite uncle?”

“Can we help decorate its room?”

Jamie is smiling as big as you’ve ever seen him.

“OI!” Isaac roars. “QUIET. Are we men or are we beasts? One at a time!”

Isaac looks at you two. “Boy or girl?”

Jamie’s eyes glow. “Girl!”

The room erupts once again as Jamie kisses you on the top of your head and pulls you close to him.

—

Labor was… not fun. It wasn’t terrible, but it wasn’t great. There weren’t really complications except for the fact that Jamie was almost not there. See, it’s because your water broke when you were in the shower right before leaving to watch one of Jamie’s games. You looked down at the shower drain and felt your mind race through a million scenarios. Do you text Jamie and make him miss the game? Do you push through as long as you can? Do you have Keeley and Rebecca take you to the hospital? Do you go by yourself?

As you’re considering, you think of laying in bed the night before. The baby was kicking and Jamie was tracing patterns on your stomach whispering, “Baby Tartt doo doo doo-doo doo-doo.”

He would hate to miss this.

You make a choice and call Keeley.

Thirty minutes later you’re in Rebecca’s box waiting for the game to start. You have contractions, sure, but you’ve been having them for a while. The doctor said it was nothing to worry about, so you didn’t worry.

That means that Keeley and Rebecca don’t worry as you grip the arm of your seat and blow out a long breath.

Keeley absentmindedly pats your arm and Rebecca slings hers around your shoulders.

“Don’t go having this baby now,” she jokes, “Wait till after we’ve won.”

You force out a laugh. If only she knew.

You have to get up and walk after the first half because the contractions are starting to get closer together. Rebecca notices and gets up to come inside and see you.

“Are you alright?” she asks.

You look at her without saying anything and her eyes widen.

“Shit,” she says. “How long has this been happening?”

“Since right before I left,” you gasp out, “My water broke in the shower and I didn’t want- shit.” You bend over from a contraction before continuing, “I didn’t want to miss Jamie’s game and it’s fine, right? It’s not until they’re three minutes apart that it really matters.”

“And how long are yours?” Rebecca asks.

You don’t want to look at her. “Six,” you whisper.

“SIX?” she yells. “Darling, you need to go. I’ll call Ted, he’ll pull Jamie, and then you’ll go.”

Keeley has come in by this point and fully assessed the situation. “Babes, you can’t stick around till the game ends. You have to go.”

You hold up a hand. “I’m fine. Richmond needs Jamie. It can wait.”

Rebecca clicks her tongue. “I’m not sure if you’ve noticed, but we’re up by two and also it’s just a football game. It doesn’t matter. You are about to have a child so let me get your husband for you.”

“Ok,” you say meekly. “Can I come with you?”

Rebecca calls Ted and you wait by the entrance to the pitch. Ted has barely put out the call to switch out number nine when Jamie is sprinting across the field to you. You’re at the hospital in record time, and that’s how Beatrice Georgie Tartt is born.

—

You and Jamie had a lot of conversations about what it’s like to be parents. You had the standard “What if I turn out like my dad,” chat (easily dispelled by the fact that he takes after his mum) and the “Baby comes before football,” chat which you needed to hear but definitely did not retain. That one was difficult for both of you, because you didn’t mind pausing your career for motherhood. You knew it would be waiting for you when you were ready to go back, but that isn’t really the case for Jamie. He’s in his prime right now, and it takes a lot of work. You had worked things out on paper, but life is never that easy. Newborns require a lot of attention, and neither of you were sleeping well. Jamie had taken two weeks off training but was back by the third. The only problem was, he was back to his regular 4am training. It’s easy to get enough sleep when you can pick when you go to bed, but not so much when your daughter needs to be fed, changed, burped, whatever every single hour.

In other words, you both were tired and snippy.

Bea was four and a half weeks old when the last straw came.

It was 2:30 am, and you was so, so tired. She needed a diaper change and you felt like you physically couldn’t get out of bed so you poked Jamie.

“Babe,” you say.

“Hm,” he groans, voice gravelly.

“Can you please change her? I can’t move,”

“Don’t know if you’ve noticed babe, but I have training with Roy in an hour. I can’t get up every time she needs something. That’s your job.”

Instantly, you are wide awake.

You’ve never heard Jamie take that tone of voice with you before. Never heard it be that intentionally cutting.

You sit up. “Excuse me?”

He rolls over to face you. “You heard me. I don’t have time for this right now. It’s your job, you take care of it. This is not what I signed up for and anyway, you’re the one who wanted a baby, not me. You go deal with it.” He rolls back over to go to sleep and you just stare at him. You're too tired to fight but then Bea cries again and you say, “Jamie what the fuck.”

“Look, babe, I can always go stay in a hotel and get some sleep. You’re the one who wants me to be here with you,” he replies, voice muffled by the pillow.

“Don’t ‘look, babe’ me, Jamie Tartt,” you say, voice icy. “I’m not sure if you recall, but you were the one who told me that Bea would always come before football and you are the one who decided you wanted to get married and you were the one who made all those speeches convincing me that you’d be with me for better or for worse. Well I’ve got news for you: it’s worse.” You get out of bed. “I’m going to change our daughter, and I hope next time I see you, you’ve had an attitude adjustment.”

That must get to him because he sits up and goes, “Babe-” but you’re already out the door.

You end up sitting with Bea on her rocker until 5am, which means you hear Jamie get up to leave with Roy. It also means you notice that he doesn’t come in to say goodbye, just leaves. You stare down at Bea in your arms. She has his eyes and the beginnings of your nose. By 6am you’ve made another choice, and you call your sister to ask her to help move some of your things into your old flat.

—

You leave a note on the counter that says: Jamie. Bea and I are giving you space, and you’re gone by 1. You spend all evening looking at your phone, waiting for a text from Jamie, or a call, or something. Nothing. Your sister doesn’t need much of an explanation and it’s your flat anyway, so she was alright with you and Bea moving in. She made dinner and held Bea, then forcibly made you go to sleep. Her work is flexible, so she said she’d take care of Bea until she had to leave on a trip in two days.

Yet, although you finally had the chance to sleep, you couldn’t. You tossed and turned all night, periodically checking your phone for a text that never came.

—

A week and a half has gone by. Your sister is gone still, so it’s just you and Bea. She’s been crying so much recently, and the thought comes to you unbidden of every time Jamie has held her. She quiets down the moment she’s in his arms like clockwork. You’re running on no sleep and you need to go get groceries so that morning you pack up a diaper bag, put Bea in the car, and force yourself not to care that you look like absolute shit.

You’re almost done shopping when you hear a voice call your name. You turn, and there’s Sam.

“I thought that was you,” he says. “I’ve been meaning to check up on you so I went by your house yesterday, but Jamie said you and Bea were out and he didn’t know when you’d be back. How are you?”

You let out a snort. “Oh he did, did he? That’s rich.”

Sam’s face shifts to concern. “Is everything alright? I don’t mean to pry, but part of the reason I wanted to see how you are is that Jamie has been terrible. He’s been an absolute prick for almost two weeks now and we all just assumed it was lack of sleep.”

You smile, because right now your options are that or cry.

“I’m living in my flat right now. My sister’s on vacation, so it’s just me and Bea. It’s kind of a lot, which is why I look like garbage. I don’t have time to clean or anything either, otherwise I’d invite you around. Anyway. Thanks for asking. Good to see you, Sam.”

You walk away before you either overshare more or start crying, and in your haste you don’t see Sam watching you leave, concern written all over his face.

—

It’s the late afternoon when you hear a knock on your door. It’s Jamie your heart says, but when you open it, Sam, Dani, and Richard are standing on the step laden down with grocery bags, huge smiles on their face.

Before you can say anything, Sam says, “I hope this is not overstepping, but I noticed you had frozen meals in your cart this morning. I was thinking that we could cook you some meals to keep in the freezer, that way you do not have to worry about it.” You open your mouth to protest when Dani interjects. “Besides, we’re a family. Bea is my favorite niece and you are my second favorite sister. We should have seen if you needed help earlier.”

They look so sincere that you smile for the first time in a while and move to let them in. Richard goes to work clearing space in the kitchen while Sam and Dani organize their groceries. It looks like they’ve all gotten ingredients from their native countries, and Dani holds up a bag of chiles and says, “I brought these to make your favorite!”

You’re not sure how he knows of your love for chile rellenos, but he does and as you go to sit on the couch to feed Bea, you feel something close to relief.

Bea is done eating and the kitchen is filled with light conversation and music when there is another knock on your door.

You open it to see Isaac, Colin, Zoreaux, Bumbercatch, and Jan Maas all decked out in cleaning gear and rubber gloves, holding various cleaning sprays, brooms, and mops.

To say you are speechless is an understatement.

“Sam texted us,” Isaac says. “Said something about needing a cleaning service and a babysitter.”

You let them in without a word.

The flat is filled with chatter as they stand around the living room.

“Alright!” Isaac calls. “We’re going to divide and conquer! Colin, you’re on laundry. Zoreaux, you’re sweeping and mopping. Bumbercatch and Jan Maas, you’re on bathroom duty. Alright lads, let’s go!”

“Isaac,” Colin says, “what’s your job?”

Isaac looks at him. “I’m the captain, mate. I’m watching Bea.”

Groans go up from the boys and a chorus of “We want to hold her, why do you get to, I’m her favorite!” when Isaac silences them with an “Oi!”

“When you’ve finished your job and Bea and I have thoroughly inspected them, then maybe you can hold her after you’ve disinfected your hands and arms. Now get to it!”

“Isaac,” you say, pulling on his arm, “you don’t have to do this. Especially not the laundry or the bathrooms.”

He looks down at you, serious look on his face. “Is that for privacy reasons, or are you trying not to impose?”

You hesitate and debate lying. In the end, you tell the truth: “I don’t care about like privacy or whatever, it’s just gross. I don’t want you guys to have to do that.”

Isaac doesn’t respond, just says, “Can I wear the wrap?” so you go to get it and watch as he expertly puts it on and slides Bea in. She lets out a sigh and falls asleep on his chest.

“Right then. Now for your job,” he says to you.

You let out a singular laugh. “What do you have for me, captain?”

“I want you to go to your room, clear off the bed, close the door, and go to sleep. I’ll send Sam or Colin up to wake you if we need you. If you end up sleeping through then night, a few of us will stick around to make sure Bea’s alright. You still have Netflix, yeah?”

“Yeah,” you say. You start to head down the hall then turn and say, “Isaac?”

“Hm?” he replies.

“Thanks. This means more to me than you’ll ever know.”

Isaac waves that away then points to your bedroom door.

You walk in and shut the door, then are lulled to sleep by the white noise of having half of the Richmond team in your house cleaning, cooking, and reminding you that you are not alone.

—

You’re woken up by Sam shaking your shoulder. It’s golden hour, so soft light streams through the room. The first thing you notice is how quiet it is. You sit up.

“What’s wrong?” you ask.

“Nothing’s wrong,” Sam says, but he’s not smiling. “We just need you downstairs for a minute.”

You follow him to the living room where the boys are standing behind a couch, arms crossed and backs to you, staring down something on the opposite couch.

Sam clears his throat and they turn to look at you. Bea is still passed out on Isaac in her wrap. They part slightly and you see what they’re looking at.

Jamie Tartt gives you a halfhearted wave from where he sits on your couch.

“Got a minute?” he asks.

Shit.

You sit across from him and just look.

He has the grace to look sheepish. “Look, d’you mind if we talk- like just you and me? Without-” he gestures to the boys.

“No,” Dani, Colin, and Jan Maas chorus, arms crossed, and Jamie nods once in a that’s fair type of way.

Jamie takes a deep breath. “Look, I- I was out with Roy today and we were training, and he called me a prick and he meant it, and maybe I was being a prick, but I shoved him and then he knocked me down and was all ‘what the fuck is wrong with you,’ and I said ‘none of your fucking business,’ and then he said something about a text from Sam and made me tell him what was going on. So I told him that you left and he said,” here Jamie does his best Roy Kent impression, “‘Did she leave or did you fucking kick her out because you were acting like a little bitch prima donna who can’t handle being a grown fucking man?’”

Jamie pauses for a moment. “So I thought about it, and I did fuckin kick you out like I was a little bitch prima donna. And the reason I didn’t text ya or call ya is because I thought you’d come back when you were ready, or maybe you left for good and I fucked something else up. And I didn’t want to be like me dad who was always showing up when my mum didn’t want him to, so I just stayed away. And I said that to Roy and he told me I needed to man the fuck up because I was acting like a whiny brat.” Jamie scratches the back of his neck. “I brought you flowers and came to apologize and tell you that I’m done acting like a kid.”

You squint at him and say, “Apologize for what, exactly?” because you want to know that he knows what he did.

Without hesitation Jamie says, “For telling you that Bea was your job and not mine, and for saying that I didn’t sign up for any of this and making it seem like I didn’t care and saying that I was going to sleep in a hotel by meself.”

Oh. So he does know.

There’s a ripple of whispered oh fucks and you realize that the lads don’t actually know what happened between you and Jamie, and this is the first time they’re hearing about it.

Before you can say anything, Jan Maas says, “How do we know you’ve changed?” followed by a chorus of “Yeah, that’s right,” from the boys.

“Eh, well,” Jamie begins before he is interrupted by a piercing cry from Bea. Isaac tries to hush her, but she just keeps going.

“There’s no way she’s hungry,” he says, “She just had a bottle fifteen minutes ago and I changed her five minutes after that.”

Jamie looks questioningly at you. “Can I-”

The whole team turns to look at you. You nod, and Isaac removes a still crying Bea and gently hands her to Jamie. She’s barely settled into his arms when she has gone completely silent, lets out a sigh, and falls asleep.

“I suppose that is that,” says Richard, and the rest of AFC Richmond shrugs.

“Jamie Tartt,” you say. Everyone looks at you again. “If you ever, and I mean ever pull shit like this again, I will fucking sic this entire room on you and I will call Roy and I will not care how long you end up in the hospital. I can’t raise Bea on my own, but it turns out that I don’t need you.”

Jamie looks like he’s about to cry a little and you soften.

“I don’t need you, but I want you. And- I do miss you.”

Jamie smiles at that and you get up to sit next to him.

The boys murmur amongst themselves, and Isaac salutes you as he herds them out. You mouth thank you to him, and he waves it away yet again, leaving the three of you on the couch in comfortable silence for the first time in weeks.

—

Marriage is not easy, neither is raising a kid. Things didn’t automatically go back to how they were, but you and Jamie did get better. You got better at talking about your struggles, decided 2:30am is not a good time to fight, and began working out a healthy football-life balance. He trains with Roy three times a week instead of six, and Isaac and Colin babysit Bea once a month so you can go out. They’re the only ones besides Rebecca who are allowed to be with her unsupervised. (Not because the others are untrustworthy, but because they don’t know what to do with a baby) so by the time Theodore Dani Tartt comes around, you’ve got this thing nailed.

#jamie tartt x reader #jamie tartt fanfiction #jamie tartt x you #jamie tartt x y/n #jamie tartt imagine #jamie tartt #ted lasso

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tonyboneysblog · 7 months ago

Text

ACCIDENTAL NAB P4

parings: thief!hawks x princess!reader

word count: 2k

warnings: kidnapping, fighting.

notes:HAWKS GOES CRAZY.

summary: thief!hawks steals you away and takes you far away from you home!…on accident.

part 3: ACCIDENTAL NAB P3

The more the carriage jiggled and shook, the more adrenaline shoot through your veins.

Skinningrove was terrifying, according to Dabi.

You wish your sisters were here because then you’d have to put on a more confident front to show them you weren’t scared at all.

but they aren’t here, you can’t hide.

Hawks steals glances towards you, you never makes eye contact. You hope he doesn’t see how scared you truly are.

You surround yourself with fun memory’s of your sisters, ones that make you feel warm, it hardens you.

“we’re here.” Dabi calls from the front.

never mind, your losing your shit.

You can hear hawks speaking to Tokoyami, “stay here, don’t want the cargo getting stolen- use dark shadow if you have to.”

Hawks then jumps out of the carriage joining you and Dabi.

“Stay close to me, okay?” Hawks whispers in your ear.

You nod as a protective wing covers you slightly.

The three of you walk through the crowd, it smells a lot worse than SableStone did, Dabi says it’s because a lot of “human waste” gets dropped here.

so you watch your step a little more than usual…

Through the hood you can see children on the streets, a lot of them looked malnourished but that’s average for a town like this- it smells like iron around the butcher shops, it makes you sick.

Your father would’ve never even let you set a single step here, let alone frolic in the crowds.

Dabi seems more on guard than he did in SableStone, so does Hawks. Both of their stances are more stiff- hawks has less of a cheerful “I love life!” face and more of a “come near me and I’ll slaughter you” face.

It gives you some comfort.

The three of you make your way to a darker shop tucked in a corner, it’s old and made out of gray stones stacked atop each-other with a little window.

“Excuse me?” Hawks taps the entrance of the window, “got an offer for ya.”

A man comes out from the darkness, he has pale skin and hair, his skin dry and cracking. He has at least two scars on his face as well with red eyes.

a little scary, so you shuffle a closer to hawks.

A scratchy voice replies from the window, “and that would be?”

“Just a few things from the palace?”

The man scoffs, “I got too many of your type coming in a day, don’t waste my time aga-“

Dabi smacks his hand on the counter, “Shigaraki, we’re not in the mood for games at the moment.”

“Dabi? hm, you should’ve done the talking first y’know- I’d believe you quicker.”

“The bird ain’t that smart, sorry.”

“How much of it you Va got?”

“A few chairs, chests, dresses, shoes, y’know the basics.”

You stay quiet and try not to make eye contact with the red eyed one.

for once, you hope someone doesn’t recognize you.

You can he shigaraki say, “You selling her too?”

Dabi chuckles, “Depends”

please say this is a joke, you’d rather sleep next to hawks for a 100 more nights than even be near that man for one.

Hawks said he wouldn’t sell you- he won’t, right?

You feel his wing shift around you tighter.

“She’s not for sell.” Hawks says hoarsely.

Shigaraki laughs, “what, you take the princess too?”

he stopped when they didn’t laugh with him.

“are you fucking serious.”

Dabi looks around, “a little bit.”

“You can’t be a little bit serious, why the hell did you kidnap her?!” Shigaraki whisper yells.

Hawks sighs, “it was an accident.”

“you don’t just accidentally kidnap someone, dipshit.”

During all of this chaos, you look around- it feels more crowded than before, you never liked crowds anyway.

But a man catches your eye, a very beautiful man at that.

Blond hair, blue eyes, dimples, a lazy smile with a relaxed pose- lord have mercy.

and he’s looking at you too!

All conversation behind you has been absolutely lost, this man is the only thing you’re thinking about right now.

Hawks wing isn’t entirely around you- you could just sneak away for a moment couldn’t you? I doubt Mr. bird man would care.

so you step out slightly- no reaction from hawks yet. then more, no reaction.

“Damit shigaraki, it was on accident okay?!” You can hear less and less of hawks the more you scoot away.

Then the gorgeous man is right next to you!

“Hello, pretty” he says with a smooth voice.

“I-I uhm- hi!”

“What’re you doing all the way in Skinningrove? Your skin looks it comes from the capitol.”

Slightly weird but that’s alright!

“I-I’m traveling, for work!” you reply almost too quick.

He touches your wrist, his hands are soft.

“You’d go for a pretty penny.”

“what was that?”

All he does is stare at you, with that lazy smile…okay you’d like to go back to Hawks now.

you take a step back but the man grips your hand tighter, “h-hey, let go.”

“God, you’d go for a fortune.” You can feel hawks feather fall out of your cloak.

He grabs you, covering your mouth and dragging you towards the iron scented shops.

Meanwhile, hawks is still arguing quietly with shigaraki.

“I’m surprised she hasn’t killed you in your sleep!” Shigaraki roughly says.

Hawks groans, “she likes me just fine, we’re civil.”

He looks towards where your supposed to be, “isn’t that right prin-…”

where are you?

“princess?” He says a little more worried.

Dabi looks at hawks, “what?”

“Where is she?”

“Who, y/n?”

“yes- where is she?” He says more quickly, looking frantically around.

Shigaraki starts, “Well good job, you lost someone you kidnap-“

“Shut up! Where did she go?” Hawks cuts him off.

Dabi looks around, “calm down, she couldn’t have gone far.”

Hawks wings puff slightly, “I’m going above ground, easier to spot her.”

He immediately shoots up ti the air, searching for even a glimpse of you.

The beautiful man is still dragging you through the streets, you whip around wildly trying to get him off of you.

“Stop struggling, no one will help you.”

The smell of iron gets stronger, was Dabi actually serious when he said they’d skin you?

You struggle more, you don’t want to be someone lamp shade o-or carpet!

You get closer and closer to the butchers door, you close your eyes, you don’t want to see.

“AGH-“ *smack!*

you fall to the ground immediately, you can hear people gasping and stepping away.

You can see Dabi come into your line of vision, “there you are!”

you wish it were hawks but- your just glad your safe.

Where is hawks? You turn your head to look for him but Dabi ends up stopping you, “don’t look.”

you don’t. You can hear it, grunting, the sound of flesh being hit, the running and cheering.

So all you do is stare at Dabi, “You scared the hell out of him yknow? better say thank you when he’s done.”

done beating a man to death. It makes your skin rise, makes you feel cold.

The noises stop. You can hear people usher to the man, then you can see hawks start to walk over to the carriage like he didn’t just pummel a man.

then, he starts giving your belongings to shigarakis hole-a-wall shop.

Dabi speaks up, “doubt we can sell it all here, need to go somewhere else after.”

your speechless, your father never let you even see blood.

you feel dirty even though you didn’t see anything really.

Dabi stands up, “cmon, let’s go meet up with them.”

you just follow, and sit at the front of the carriage with Tokoyami.

He looks at you, “told you Skinningrove was terrible.”

you exhale a small laugh, at least he tried to keep you happy.

you look towards the crowd, you don’t see the man but- you see specks of red.

“Thanks a bunch, shigaraki” you can hear Dabi say.

“Yea just make sure princess doesn’t run off again eh?”

You feel the carriage shift with Hawks and Dabis weight.

Tokoyami starts, “where to next?”

Dabi pauses, “Sunstone.”

Tokoyami stumbles, “In the dessert?”

“Yea, shigaraki says we’ll find some good prices there.” Dabi replies.

Tokoyami looks back into the carriage, “yikes, you need something to dress those knuckles Hawks.”

Dabi chuckles, “he don’t know how to tie a bandage barely.”

“I bet y/n does” Tokoyami says.

You say, “What?”

Tokoyami fixes himself, “I bet you know how to dress a wound, being the eldest daughter and all.”

It’s true, you do. You always dressed your sisters wounds when they tripped outside near the garden. Your father never liked you near blood but you still someone always came near it anyways.

“I uh…I do.”

Tokoyami smiles slightly, “will you do the honors then?”

you sigh and step into the covered part of the carriage.

Hawks is shaking slightly, maybe he’s not used to beating people…who are you kidding he’s a thief.

you sit directly in front of him, grabbing some cloth and trying to rip it. It doesn’t work.

He takes it from your hands, tearing it for you, you’re able to get a better look at his hands. They’re covered in blood, it’s your fault.

you grab the container of water and dab it onto the rag, cleaning his wounds softly as he winces quietly, griping your hands a little tighter.

“Mrgh…”

“Sorry..”

Hawks doesn’t reply.

You wrap the cloth around his knuckles, are you okay…?”

“m’fine.”

something’s off, he seems angry? upset? maybe even a little sad too.

“are you sure, Mr. Hawks?”

He says quiet, looking down at his shoes.

“Hawks?”

“Why would you run off?”

“I-i was distracted.”

He huffs, “I know you’re not completely stupid y/n, why did you run off.”

He seems a whole lot more upset than you thought he’d be before you snuck off.

“I saw something that caught my eye..” you dab more water on the the rag.

“or someone.” he says with distain.

“Hawk-“

“y’know. I knew your were probably some princess who was aching for a bit of loving but I didn’t know you’d start whoring yourself out.”

You mouth drops, “h-hawks?!” Why would he say something like that to you, weren’t you two making good progress?

You can see Dabi look over in surprise but he decided not to intervene.

Hawks looks up from his shoes, “What, It’s the truth ain’t it?”

It’s true that you are a little bit touch starved and that you enjoy attention but you’ve also been inside a palace for most of your life.

“Y-you don’t even know me.”

“I know enough, I can tell through your damn actions y/n.” He voice raises, “You think some locked up princess will ever be as good of a ruler than your mother?”

“Don’t bring her into this-“

“Why? Cause your daddy said “off with her head” and you weren’t allowed to talk about her no more?” He yells at you.

Then carriage goes quiet. Mother made your father soft, he didn’t need that.

you can feel the tears burning the edging of your eyes, you can feel the pain resurface.

Dabi speaks up finally with just a simple, “oh wow.”

You don’t say anything, what would you say to something like that? No one ever talked about your mother like that.

So your tears fall instead of words.

“Y/n..” hawks says softly.

He continues, “I-I was just angry- I’m so sorry.”

You just cover your face a curl into your own lap, hiding, hawks placed his hands onto your back and continues talking.

“I swear I didn’t mean any of that princess, didn’t mean a single thing ‘swear it.”

You don’t respond.

“Fuck, m’sorry, m’so sorry princess- I just was angry because I couldn’t protect you okay?”

You sniffle, “I-it’s fine.”

“It’s not. M’sorry, princess.”

He holds you, you feel warm- mostly because his wings are trying to wrap around you.

You never knew hawks could get so….emotional?

The words he spewed out from his mouth did hurt but he seems like he’s actually sorry at least.

He just holds you, you wished he were one of your sisters- you missed them oh so much.

They would never say something like that to you, they were too scared to.

At least Hawks was honest. That’s probably what you liked so much about him.

you hug back.

He tightens his grip.

And his embrace is warm.

#anime #fanfics #hawks x reader #takami keigo #bnha hawks #keigo x you #mha takami keigo #spotify #hawks x y/n #mha #takami keigo x reader #keigo takami #keigo takami x reader

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absolutewhore101 · 10 months ago

Text

Cold As You - Chapter 3

A/N: here's chapter 3! this is the longest one yet, hope you enjoy!

Pairing: Joel Miller x ImpliedFem!Reader

Summary: Listen to 'Cold As You' by Taylor Swift

Warnings: stage 2 of grief - anger (also some light violence towards the end, as well as some gaslighting!)

Word Count: 2.1K

This is a flashback.

Chapter 2 / Chapter 4

MINORS DNI

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Everything about your relationship with Joel came easy. The shy flirting, the quiet nights spent tangled together, the protection of each other on the road.

And then the sighing, the avoidance of eye contact, the reluctance of spending time together. It was all easy, at least for Joel.

He came as easy to you as breathing did, and you were sure that you were once that easy to him as well. But it seemed that your relationship was treading in waters too treacherous to survive.

You gave him everything - your heart, your mind, your very soul. And he took it all.

First, he took it like a gift - like he didn’t think himself worthy enough to be given such things. Then, he took it like he deserved it - like you had no choice but to bare yourself to him in every way possible.

“Are you kidding me?” You started one night. It wasn’t a fight worth having out, especially in your new home, but you needed to feel something.

“What now?” He’d responded, sighing heavily.

“Is it me? Am I not enough for you anymore?”

“Now, what the hell are you talking about?” He asked, exasperated.

You shook your head, tears stinging the back of your eyes. He took a step closer to you, gently cradling your face.

“Hey.” He said softly. “Talk to me.”

You let out a shaky sigh.

“Sometimes… sometimes it feels like there’s someone else. Like, it kind of feels like you need more than me, more than this.”

Joel shook his head, bringing you into his chest. He cradled your head, rocking the two of you side to side.

“There ain’t ever gonna be someone else for me. You’re all I’ve ever wanted, sweetheart. Don’t you forget that.”

You wished you could. It killed you to look back on memories like that one knowing that it was all a lie, or at least it was now.

‘There ain’t ever gonna be someone else’? What a fucking joke.

A bitter laugh rose out of your throat, briefly shocking you from the noise.

Here you were, sitting in your living room waiting for Joel to come home. And there Joel was, doing whatever the hell he wanted because you weren’t what he wanted. Not anymore.

The walls you’d built around your relationship once looked so inviting, so comforting. Shielding the two of you from the world around you, keeping you safe. But looking at the walls Joel built around himself gave you the opposite feeling.

There was a certain shade of gray that seemed to control your thoughts lately - a shade that exactly matched Joel’s walls. You stood there, on the outside, reluctant to walk away. You loved him so much, more than you loved anything else, and you did your best to wish them away.

You gave him his space, you took care of him and Ellie while also trying to take care of yourself, and you let him walk around having his affair like you were none the wiser.

So why weren’t you enough?

You imagined him sitting in the bar, telling her stories about you. How you were just so cute, dreaming about Joel, imagining a world where your relationship stood the test of time. How you had the nerve to adore him when he wouldn’t spare you a second glance.

You imagined her laughing over the rim of her glass, her free hand resting on Joel’s shoulder as she tried to stay in her seat.

A fire began to fill you - a flame that would only be extinguished after having it out with Joel.

You sat there on the couch, staring at the wall ahead of you, letting your anger take over your thoughts.

How dare he? Who does he think he is? Who does he think I am?!

Joel’s heavy footsteps trudged up the porch stairs, and he sighed heavily before quietly opening the door. You didn’t move.

He closed the door behind him, toeing off his shoes and hanging up his jacket before he turned around, startling at the sight of you.

“Jesus,” he muttered, “you scared me, darling.”

He watched you shake your head slowly, standing from the couch and turning to face him.

“Darling?” He asked.

“Don’t.” You started. “Don’t call me that when you don’t mean it anymore.”

He stepped closer to you now standing behind the couch, leaving it between the two of you.

“Excuse me?”

You didn’t flinch.

“‘When I don’t mean it anymore’? Care to explain what that means?”

“Oh, sure.” You said, looking him directly in the eyes. “I’ll explain exactly what that means when you explain to me why you’re still here.”

He looked taken aback, as if he hadn’t expected you to bring this up.

“I’m still here because I live here. With you.” He said. “Or have you somehow forgotten that?”

Your hands balled into fists, in complete disbelief that he could have the nerve to talk to you like that after what he’d been doing all night.

Once upon a time, he would’ve said that he was still here because of you, because he loved you. But that time was long gone.

“Just walk away, Joel.” You said, exhaustion slipping into your voice. It was always so draining to fight with him, and you weren’t sure you had it in you anymore.

“No, I want to know where the hell else I should be if not here. What’s your problem?” He placed his hands on his hips, condescension creeping into his voice.

You looked away from Joel, focusing out the window on the town. He should’ve walked away, he had no way of defending himself, of defending words he hadn’t spoken to you in months.

“What’s her name?” You finally spoke. He did his best to hide it, but you heard the stutter in his breath, felt the way the atmosphere in the room shifted.

“What?” He said, suddenly breathless.

You met his eyes again. “The woman you go see every night. The one who’s replaced me? I mean, I guess she hasn’t really replaced me if I’m still here, but you get the point. Who is she?”

“Darling-”

“Don’t. Call me that.” You said sternly.

“I got no idea what you’re talking about.”

You walked around the couch, now standing directly in front of Joel.

“Really? Okay. Then look me in the eyes and tell me you love me.”

He narrowed his eyes at you. “And what would that prove?”

“That you haven’t been pulling away from me since we got here. That you can still stand to look at me even though this is the first time you’ve met my eyes in weeks.”

He didn’t have a chance to get a word out before you continued on, too fueled by your rage to stop now.

“I gave you everything, Joel. Every piece of me and who I am. And you know what I got in return? Nothing. You never gave me a damn thing, Joel. And I’ve had to sit here and watch you fall out of love with me and right into love with someone else. Do you know how that feels? Have you stopped even once to consider how that might make me feel? Or were you too distracted by her to remember that I was still here. That I still love you.”

Tears were steadily streaming down your face.

“I don’t know… what you think you saw or what you think you know, but there is nothing going on between me and whoever this woman is.”

“Oh my god!” You started to laugh hysterically, reaching up to pull at your hair. “Is that what this is? You’re going to stand here and make me feel crazy because you can’t admit what’s going on.”

“No. That ain’t what’s going on.”

“Stop lying!” You all but screamed at him, baffled that he was still trying to act innocent.

“I ain’t lying!” He yelled back, matching your tone.

“I’m done.” You watched his face fall, anger burning in his eyes. “I’ve sat here for long enough, watching you live without me. I’m not doing it anymore. Admit it or not, I don’t care. You have someone else, now.”

Without looking back, you turned and walked out the door.

“Hey!” He called marching out right behind you. “Where the hell do you think you’re going?!”

“Anywhere but here!”

You looked to your left, seeing Tommy walking towards the two of you.

“C’mon.” Joel tried. “Let’s go back inside to talk about this.” He tried to grab your arm, but you pulled away before he could.

“Absolutely not. I’m not going back in there so you can lie to me.” You shook your head as you turned to face him.

Tommy interrupted the conversation before Joel could respond.

“Is everything okay?” He asked cautiously, hands raised in front of him.

You whirled towards him, your hair flying behind you as you did. Tommy had known - for however long - that Joel was having an affair. And he didn’t try to hide it. The pity in his eyes everytime he looked at you was obvious enough to say everything he wouldn’t.

You took a step closer to him, pushing your finger into his chest.

“Unless you tell me what her name is, I want nothing to do with you right now.”

He gave you a confused look.

“What?” He asked, looking over your shoulder at Joel. “What are you talking about?”

“Tommy Miller, I swear to god, you will not lie to me too.”

“I’m not lying, I just don’t know what you’re talking about.”

You turned back to Joel. “What did you tell him? Hm? Is everyone going to lie to me until I let it go? Until I come crawling back to you like everyone apparently seems to think I should?”

Joel reached out, this time managing to gently grasp your wrist.

“No one’s lying to you. There’s no one else. I don’t know what’s going on with you, but we’ll figure it out.” He finished, a plea in his eyes as he looked at you, silently begging you to drop it.

You were in complete disbelief. Joel was standing here, not just in front of you, but in front of Tommy, still trying to keep this up. He had to know that you knew. There was no way he didn’t.

“Joel��” You muttered, complete disgust in your voice.

“Carly.” You heard Tommy say, but you couldn’t take your eyes off Joel. His eyes closed as he let out a breath, dropping his head to his chest.

You wrenched your hand out of his grasp and he let you, turning to face Tommy.

“Her name is Carly.” He said, an apology written all over his face. “Look, I’m sorry-”

“No. You don’t get to be sorry.” You cut him off. “You knew for a fact that there was someone else, and not only did you not tell me, you lied straight to my face about it!” Your chest was heaving, air not seeming to fill your lungs.

“Who else knew?” You asked. Neither of them answered.

“Huh? Joel? Who else knew? I know Ellie did. Is that really the example you want to set for her? Did everyone in Jackson know?” You were practically screaming at this point, and they let you. Tommy knew there was no amount of sorry that he could be that would fix this, and Joel knew that your relationship was well over by now.

Tommy shook his head, but you knew that it wasn’t in answer to your question. Because yes, everyone in Jackson knew.

“I told him not to say anything.” Joel spoke from behind you. “I told whoever asked not to say anything. I never thought it’d get this out of hand. It was just-” You tuned him out at that point, no longer wanting to listen to whatever excuse he was about to give.

You weren’t sure how long you stood there with him talking. You were replaying your entire relationship in your head, the good and the bad. How did you get here, begging to be a part of his life? When did it end?

“...but I need you to hear me when I say that I… I love you.” He finished, glassy eyes concentrated on the back of your head.

‘I love you’?

That caught your attention - the phrase he hadn’t spoken to you in god knows how long, and now he was using it to try to defend himself.

You couldn’t do it anymore, so, without a second thought, you turned around…

…and smacked the shit out of him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tell me your thoughts! Thank you for reading :)

#joel miller #pedro pascal #the last of us #tlou #joel miller x reader #x reader #tlou x reader #tommy miller #ellie williams #pedro pascal x reader #Spotify

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cowgurrrl · 1 year ago

Note

Okay this is soooo very out there in actual probability of this being logical but the idea of a pool in Jackson or like people are allowed to go out to lake or something or they dig a lake like idek but something that involves reader in a swimsuit and Joel like 😳 in public so maybe a lil bit of jealous Joel in there, I just think it would be so cute and fun and spicy and idek if this makes sense hahaha, I’m so sorry for being awful at explaining ideassss🤦‍♀️🤣

The Snake River actually runs through Jackson so it’s entirely plausible (yes, I did do research for this)

Surprise

Pairing: Joel Miller x fem!reader

Author’s note: I didn’t go into this wanting to write smut but it happened and I don’t hate it?? Please be nice to me I’m just a girl

Summary: Joel has something planned for you [3.3k]

Warnings: language, murder jokes, Joel being a little insecure, Joel the Menace making a return, smut (18+ MINORS DNI), fingering, dirty talk, sex in a semi-public place??, almost getting caught, brief mention of a safe word

Joel Miller is not a spontaneous person. It was one of the first things you found out about him. He hates surprises almost as much as he hates planning them. He's someone who likes to know what's happening and when. He loves a plan. But he loves you more.

Everyone has gone back to school, and the seasons are in a neverending battle of when one begins and the other ends. The hazy August heat permeates the windows of your house as you lie in bed, hiding from the sun and the rest of your responsibilities. This time of year makes you especially grateful for your early morning patrol shifts. You get to finish up your work before the world has the opportunity to finish preheating, and then the town is quiet after that, with people shuffling off to work or school. Maybe that's why Joel wanders into your shared bedroom with your backpacks in hand.

"Are you doin' anythin' for the rest of the day?" He asks, and you give him a confused look.

"Besides waiting for our daughter to come home from school? No, I didn't have any major plans." You tease, and he rolls his eyes before tossing your bag at you.

"Meet me downstairs in five minutes." He says.

"For what?"

"It's a surprise."

"Are you finally going to kill me?" You ask, and he scoffs.

"Honey, if I was gonna kill you, I woulda done it a long time ago."

"Fair point. Suspicion always points to the spouse first," you say, sitting up in bed. "Where are we going?"

"Does the word 'surprise' mean nothin' to you?"

"Only when it's coming from your mouth."

"Downstairs. Five minutes." He says, effectively ending the conversation by turning on his heels and walking away. You groan in protest but get up anyways. If it's something he planned, it's probably worth getting out of bed for. Still, you shuffle your feet lazily as you put more distance between yourself and an afternoon nap.

He's almost giddy as you walk out of the house and into the blaring sunshine. Ellie still has a few more hours of school left, and even then, she's gotten over you and Joel walking her to and from class. She's becoming more independent as she gets older, which is fine, but seeing her not need you as much hurts. You talk about it on the way to wherever you're going. Joel says he's noticed the same thing but doesn't want to pry too much and risk being labeled "uncool." You have to literally bite your tongue to keep from asking when he was ever cool.

When you're far enough outside Jackson's walls, Joel grabs your hand and intertwines your fingers, swinging them a little as you walk through the fields. Rock jasmines and asters shake in the window around you, painting the world in shades of white, blue, pink, and yellow. Sometimes it's easy to forget just how beautiful Wyoming can be, but when vast meadows stretch out to the mountain slopes, and the sky is unbelievably clear, you remember. You look over at Joel with his long, graying hair and scruffy facial hair and smile. It's also easy to forget just how beautiful he can be with his gentle hands and crooked nose. He turns to meet your eyes, taking away your view of his side profile, and gives you a look.

"What?" He asks, and you shake your head. "You're starin'."

"I just like looking at you." You admit, making him scoff. Joel is probably the only person in this world who's unaware of how attractive he is.

"Needa get your eyes checked." He mumbles under his breath.

"Big talk coming from a man who refuses to wear his glasses even though he desperately needs them."

"I don't desperately need 'em."

"Really?" You ask, and he hums. You lift your free hand away from your body and hold up three fingers. "How many fingers am I holding up?" He tugs on the hand he's holding and pulls you against him until your chest collides with his. The wind gets knocked out of you, either because of the impact or because you can see all his freckles when you get this close to him. He smirks as he stares at you, glancing between your eyes and fingers.

"Three." He says easily, leaning in to kiss you. You move back enough to make him huff in annoyance.

"That's cheating."

"Mm, I think it's called bein' resourceful."

"Is that right?" You ask, and he hums as he finally kisses you. You indulge him for a second or two before moving back again. "Could you really not see that far?" He sighs and mumbles your name, but you refuse to let it go. "Joel, if your vision's that bad, you need to be wearing them on patrol. I don't want you to make stupid mistakes because you can't see six feet in front of you."

"Look, I hear you. I do. I just..." he trails off, and you raise your eyebrows at him. "It's stupid."

"Stupider than not wearing them at all?" You ask, and he rolls his eyes—the drama.

"They make me look old, okay? That's why I don't wanna wear 'em," he says. Once again, you have to bite your tongue to stop yourself from making a snide comment. "I'm already one of the oldest guys on patrol, and that's enough for the younger guys to make fun of me. If I start wearin' 'em on patrol, I'll never hear the end of it, especially from Tommy."

"You really care what they think about you?" You ask.

"No," he starts, but quickly shakes his head. "Yes. It didn't bother me, but then they started sayin' they didn't know what you see in an old buzzkill like me, and I just... I don't know." He says. You take a deep breath and wrap your arms around his neck.

"Does this have anything to do with you suddenly planning surprises for me?"

"I told you it was stupid." He avoids the question, but you still find an answer. He tries to hide his face in your shoulder, embarrassed, but your hands find his jaw and stop him.

"I don't think it's stupid. I think the other guys on patrol are stupid for saying that and making you think I'm anything but grossly in love with you. I think they don't know what the fuck they're talking about," you say, your thumb brushing against the patches in his beard. "And I think you don't realize just how hot you look wearing glasses," he scoffs, but you don't let him wiggle out of your grasp. "I'm being serious, Joel." You assert, and something behind his eyes shifts.

"Really?"

"Are you kidding me? It's, like, annoying how good they make you look," you say, and he smirks. "It's also sexy for you to try to stay alive. So, it's a win-win." He laughs, the sound making the sun shine a little brighter.

"I mean, who am I to argue with my wife?" He asks, relenting, and you hum.

"Exactly," you say as you kiss him. It was supposed to be quick, a passing kiss to remind him you love him, but when you try to pull away, he's back on you. His big hands snake their way into your hair as he kisses you like he's drowning and trying to pull the air from you. The buzzing bees and chirping birds of the field disappear, and all you can do is hold him. His body is firm against yours, and the soft flannel of his shirt feels perfect beneath your palms. "Was my surprise making out in a meadow? That's pretty romantic, even for you, Joel." You ask as you break away to take a breath that's not his. He groans and rolls his head back to look at the cloudless sky.

"Almost forgot bout the surprise," he says, looking back at you. "You're distractin' me."

"What did I do?" You ask. He grabs your hand and starts leading you through the flowers.

"You were tryna use your woman powers on me."

"Please, explain to me what 'woman powers' you think I possess."

"If you don't know, I can't tell you." He says like he's answering a riddle, and you laugh. The rest of the walk is spent hand-in-hand with his shoulder bumping yours occasionally as your feet walk over the summer grass. As soon as you hear water lapping over smooth rocks, you look at Joel, who pretends not to hear the same thing. He smiles when you hit the break in the trees, and the crystal water of the river sparkles in the sun.

You've heard rumors about the water being safe to swim in, but you didn't trust it. Not that it mattered. You and Joel have swum in way dirtier water than the winding blue river in front of you. Still, you were sure that it was a set-up by Raiders. But now, with Joel by your side, in the daylight, it's taking everything in you to not jump in the water. "I thought it might be nice. Just the two of us." Joel says. You nod and rest your head on his shoulder, looping an arm under his and holding his bicep.

"It is nice," you agree. "But we don't own swimsuits," you say, immediately clocking the excited expression on his face. "You're a menace."

"What? I planned a very nice day for us, and I just... forgot we needed swimsuits."

"Oh, you forgot?" You ask, and he nods.

"I told you, I'm an old man. I forget things easily."

"Give me a break." You roll your eyes before letting go of his arm and walking over to a big tree. You bend down to take off your boots and socks, and Joel quickly follows suit. His eyes stick to you as you pull your shirt off your head, faded scars catching the sunlight. Once you're left in your bra and underwear, you pause and look at Joel. He's stripped down to just his underwear, too, and you have a full view of his broad frame.

His muscular chest is littered with scars, some old and silver against his tan skin and others new and still raised and angry. Your favorite is from where he got caught under some fence a million years ago. It vaguely looks like a thunderbolt striking from his collarbone to his shoulder. You can see the goosebumps rising on his thick biceps from where you're standing. His hands are relaxed and open at his sides, visible veins thrumming blood through his body. His belly has rounded just a little since you've settled in Jackson, something he grew insecure about while you reminded him every day that you loved the softness of his body. His strong thighs are a little paler than the rest of him, considering his patrol schedule in the summer, but they're still freckled and scarred like the rest of him. Your breath catches in your throat when he pulls down his underwear and stands fully naked in front of you.

I guess we're actually doing this, you think as you unclasp your bra. You leave your clothes in a pile under the tree before darting into the cold water together. He ducks his entire head under while you tread, letting yourself get used to the temperature and laughing when Joel comes up with a sharp gasp. "Oh, you think that's funny?" He asks before shaking his head in your direction, frigid water droplets landing on your skin. You shriek and splash at him to get him to stop. He splashes back, making huge swells with his arms, and you have to dive under to swim away.

Once you call a truce on the water fight, you just swim together. You alternate between floating on your back, watching the clouds float by, and diving deep under the water to see what might be down there. After a few minutes, your bodies adjust to the water, and you can actually enjoy the river currents working against you. It reminds you of all the summers you spent in pools, the ocean, rivers, and lakes before the Outbreak. The memory presses on a familiar bruise in your chest, but it doesn't hurt. At least, not as much. Not when you're here with Joel, making new memories in a new world.

You swim over to where Joel is standing, his long curls touching the water as he looks up at the sky. You wrap your arms around his shoulders and your legs around his waist once you're close enough, and he meets your eyes with a smile. His hands grip your thighs and trace patterns into your skin, the warmth of his touch a welcome relief in the cold. You play with the hair at the nape of his neck as you stare at him. "This a good surprise?" He asks, his voice low in his chest, and you nod.

"I like doing things like this with you," you say. "But I also don't want you to worry about keeping me interested in you," he sighs at your words but doesn't break away from you. "We've been together for years now. We went halfway across the country together. We have Ellie. You're it for me. I don't care what the younger guys on patrol have to say about it."

"You don't think I'm an old buzzkill?"

"Not all the time."

"Alright, smart ass."

"I mean, I don't know a lot of buzzkills who go skinny-dipping with their wives."

"See? Gimme a little credit here." He says, pinching your thigh, and you laugh. As the sound dies in your throat, his gaze hangs heavily on you. Suddenly, you're all too aware of his sturdy body under you and his hands on you. You get a little closer to him, and his stomach brushes against your core. A quiet, shaky breath leaves you, and Joel hears it. His lips ghost over yours as his hand dips down, a deft finger grazing your clit.

"Joel," you cry softly, clinging to him tighter when he presses a little harder. He shushes you as his middle finger ventures lower and just barely pushes into you. More. You need more, and he knows it. Asshole, you think to yourself, but your brain shuts off when he inches a digit into you so fucking slowly. You can feel his smirk when he leans down to mouth at the column of your throat.

"That good?" He rasps in your ear, and you nod as his hand adjusts to thumb at your clit. You jump a little at the molten pleasure pulsing through you. He chuckles lowly and nips at your earlobe. "I've barely touched you, honey, and I can already feel you squeezin' me." You can't even formulate a response once he starts moving. The slow drag of his finger against your walls is enough to drive any sane person insane. You whine when he pushes another into you and claw at his shoulders.

Your heart is fast against his chest. Everything you breathe, hear, and feel is Joel. You can't think about anything other than the weight of his hand working you over in the broad fucking daylight. You're close enough to the shore that anyone would be able to see you, but you hope you just look like a clingy couple enjoying a mid-day swim. It's a long shot, especially since he's mumbling absolutely filthy things to you. "You always sound so damn pretty." "Gonna let me fuck you like this?" "You're so good for me, baby." Every syllable makes you feel like you're burning from the inside out. His fingers languidly move in and out of you like he has nothing better to do before stopping completely, and you whine in protest.

"You're f," your sentence breaks off when he quickens suddenly.

"What was that, sweetheart? Where's that smart mouth now?" He asks. Your hips start moving in time with his ministrations, and he watches you like a man starved. You can feel yourself getting closer and closer as his fingers move faster inside you. You think your blood is thundering through your ears as bliss overtakes your senses, but you quickly realize it's hooves. You don't know if Joel hears it, but if he does, he doesn't stop.

"Joel, I think, fuck," he rubs at your clit with more fervor, making you see stars. "Someone's coming." You breathe, and his teeth scrape under your jaw. It's all too much. You moan and drop your head to his shoulder, losing all motivation to get him to stop.

"You gonna come for me?" He asks, and you nod. "C'mon, I know you can do it. Come for me." He hooks his fingers, nudging that spongy part inside you, and that's all it takes. Your mouth falls open, and fuzziness takes over your senses. You hold Joel closer as he works you through your orgasm with encouraging words and gentle strokes. Finally, you have to reach for his wrist to stop because you're so overstimulated, and he would live between your thighs if he could.

"Y'all alright?" A voice comes out of nowhere, and you jump. You and Joel turn to see one of the patrolmen from Jackson, James, on his horse a few hundred yards away. He's far enough away that he wouldn't be able to see you're both naked, but he can clearly see your clothes and backpacks on the shoreline.

"Yeah, we're alright. Just... havin' ourselves a date." Joel says, his voice annoyingly even. James looks confused, so you nod in agreement even though Joel still has two fingers knuckle-deep inside you. If he doesn't kill you, embarrassment just might.

"Well, then," James says awkwardly. "Y'all don't stay out too long. Maria'll have your ass if y'all come back hurt or somethin'." Joel shifts his hand as he nods, and you choke on a moan but try to play it off as a cough. Still, James gives you a look. "You good?"

"Yeah, are you alright, honey?" Joel asks in a mocking tone. You grit your teeth and dig your nails into his arm before nodding at James.

"All good. Just had a little tickle. We'll start heading back to town now. Thanks for checking on us." You quickly dismiss the patrolman, who is more than happy to get the hell out of Dodge. Even if he didn't suspect anything was happening, you know he's terrified of you and Joel. His ideal patrol is not having to deal with either of you and now he just got the whole package plus some. As soon as he's out of earshot, you smack Joel's arm.

"Are you fucking insane? He could've heard us!"

"Us? I'm not the one who was screamin'!"

"Okay, first of all," you start, holding up one finger. "I was not screaming. Second of all, I told you someone was coming, and you kept going!" He doesn't exactly look apologetic, but then again, you're not really mad.

"You know the safe word just as well as I do, sweetheart. I woulda stopped if you said it," he says, and you sigh. He's right. You hate it, but he's right. You try to hide your smile and shake your head as he kisses you. Slowly, he pulls his fingers from you, swallowing your over-sensitive whines down with gentle licks. A stupid thought wiggles its way into your brain, and you laugh against Joel's lips. Once you start, you can't stop, and Joel looks at you like you're a crazy person. "Now, what is so goddamn funny?" He asks, and you compose yourself enough to look at him.

"Think they'll still tease you over being old after you just made your wife come faster than they ever could?"

#can you tell I’m queer because all my smut is focused on female pleasure #mom June’s being a lesbian on the internet again #the last of us #the last of us fic #the last of request #joel miller requests #joel x reader #joel miller x reader #joel miller smut #joel miller the last of us #joel miller #joel miller fluff #joel miller fic #joel miller one shot #joel the last of us #the last of us fluff #the last of us smut #the last of us x reader #joel tlou

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sagesolsticewrites · 1 month ago

Text

People Watching

Just a little Benny angst blurb in honor of Whumptober 😇 (this takes place pre-Vika meetcute!) (pls note that this is not associated with any official whumptober prompts, this month just felt fitting for something angsty)

Word count: 1k

Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction based off the portrayal by the actors in the Apple TV+ series. I hold nothing but respect for the real life individuals referenced within.

Of course I gotta tag my besties @winniemaywebber and @blakelysco-pilot I love y’all and I have tissues ready for ya 🤭💕

Masterlist

Benny slips away from the dance floor as the band fades into a soft, slow ballad, giving Olive’s hand one last squeeze. A smile plays on his lips as he makes his way back to their table at this club Rosie had insisted they all visit, turning to see Dougie beam and twirl Olive into his arms as the beginning strains of “At Last” begin to weave through the room.

He settles back into his chair, reaching for his whiskey in the hopes it will dull the now-familiar ache growing in his chest.

He loves his friends, he does. He wouldn’t dare reproach them for the new happiness in their lives, especially given what they’d all just been through the past few years. He remembers how Brady had clutched at each letter from Jules in the Stalag like it was the most precious thing in the world, the clear worry on Olive and Val’s faces each time they’d gone up— unsure if they’d make it back down in one piece— Croz waxing poetic about his Jean any chance he could, and in the few moments he’d gotten to talk to Rosie before…

Before Bremen, he forces himself to think.

… he’d seen the longing on his face that only came with having someone precious waiting back home.

But now he looks out at them all and the joy and relief of being home is overshadowed by a longing lodged deep in his chest.

Olive giggling at what was surely an awful joke from Dougie, practically glowing with joy.

Croz holding his wife close, looking down at her as if he can’t quite believe she’s real.

Rosie, barely audible as he whisks Jo around the floor, teasing her about if he’ll be replaced as cookie taste tester this year, too.

An emerald sparkling on Val’s hand, matching the joyful gleam in her eyes as Blakely pulls her impossibly closer, leaning down to whisper something in her ear that has her smile growing three sizes.

Brady listening, enthralled, as Juliet chatters animatedly in his arms, undoubtedly continuing their earlier discussion about… well, he wasn’t quite sure to be honest. John had confided that he wasn’t either, but “my girl’s so smart, Benny,” he’d said, eyes wide with wonder, and Benny knew that he’d be happy to listen to Juliet ramble for the rest of his life.

The ache in Benny’s chest grows, and so does the dark cloud hanging over him that’s been his constant companion since he’d returned stateside as he watches his friends, feeling the distinct lack of someone to sweep into his arms and onto the dance floor.

Any girl would be happy to dance with him, he knew. A soldier, a returning war hero— he could see quite a few young ladies eyeing him as they had been since they’d arrived, having noticed that he was the only one of their little gang to enter without a girl on his arm. He wouldn’t have been opposed— getting to be the dashing soldier to whisk a wallflower onto the dance floor and give her a night she wouldn’t forget, who didn’t want that?— but as nice as that would’ve been, it wasn’t going to ease the persistent longing in his heart..

Benny wanted the connections his friends had; the love that only came with knowing you wanted to spend the rest of your life with that person. He wanted to watch someone walk down the aisle to him, carry her over the threshold of their white picket fence home where they’d raise a gaggle of children and eventually grow old and gray and happy together.

He thought he’d had that before. Hell, he thought he’d had that with Olive before he’d realized the Brit was more like a little sister to him than anything.

But where did that leave him now? Sat alone in a corner, looking wistfully over the dance floor while his friends were looking forward to finally starting their lives together.

He takes a long drink, hoping the burn of the whiskey will ease— or at least distract him from— the pain lingering in his chest.

Who’d want him?

That voice in the back of his mind that had only grown louder since he’d arrived home wasn’t afraid to speak his fears aloud.

He’d be sought out for a dance or two, but beyond that? A girlfriend, a future wife, a life? Would anyone be willing to deal with everything he’d bring with him into a relationship— Bremen, the Stalag, the whole damn war itself? Not anyone that hadn’t known him before, like Jules with Brady, Jo with Rosie, Jean with Croz, but he was sadly bereft of convenient female childhood friends. Anyone who’d been in the thick of it with him was out of the question; Olive certainly was, as was Val, and even Tatty and Helen had paired off already.

He was alone.

Until he dealt with his demons and made himself a suitable life partner for some unlucky girl— which, let’s face it, was going to take more time than he cared to estimate— he’d be alone. The lost eleventh wheel tagging along after his friends, drifting off to the sidelines for every slow song that played.

The darkness grows deeper around him as he considers that potential future…

Until he’s jolted back to reality to the sound of polite applause as the song winds to a close, and he forces a smile as his friends make their way back to the corner of the room.

They settle back into their seats— a steady seating pattern of boy-girl boy-girl around the table until Benny interrupts, nestled between Olive and Blakely— and as Dougie leans over to ask Juliet something, Olive sees her chance.

“You okay, Benny?”

“Of course, Ol,” Benny grins easily, the shadow over his face falling away so quickly she thinks she must have imagined it. “Just thinking about Meatball— I hope my ma’s not feeding him too much, he’s gonna get spoiled.”

A collective good-natured groan rises from the table.

“Quit it with the dog, DeMarco!”

“We all love him but please come up with new topics, we’re begging ya.”

“Just bring him to the wedding, why don’t ya, Benny. It’s alright, we’ve accepted he’s your plus one for life.”

Plus one for life, Benny thinks with a heavy internal sigh, sounds about right.

#... i'm sorry #don't worry Benny your girl is right around the corner <3 #whumptober #benny demarco #benny demarco angst #mota angst #masters of the air #mota #mota fanfic #sage writes #sage speaks #my writing #Spotify

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lowkeyremi · 1 year ago

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mayaaaaa !! so your aot fluff just sent my soul back to my levi fanfic phase 😭😭 can you please please write more of levi with his younger lover ??? i need to know all about it !!! how do they cuddle? how did they get together? what’s he like in public with them????

love you lots <33

OFC!! This is such a cute concept i'm excited to write this >:3 AND ILY TOO <333

It's not required but if you haven't read the first part you might wanna do that :)

CW: None, just fluff

First encounter:

The two of you met when he was on a business trip. You and your friends were shopping for new clothes and he was at the store for a new tie, because according to his boss, "you wear that same tie all the time, Ackerman. This meeting is really important so try to look nice."

When you saw him it was game over. Funny thing is you didn't even try to hide it either, your eyes widened, your jaw was on the floor, and everything.

"That guy is so hot! You should talk to him." Your friend squeals.

"No way in hell, he's probably married! That'd be so weird." You argue in return. Your friend didn't give up though.

"Excuse me, sir! If you're looking for a tie my friend can help you look for one! She used to work in retail." Her voice is sweet when talking to him. If that super hot guy hadn't been right there you would have smacked her.

He didn't say anything at first, he looked you up and down. "He's checking you out!" She whisper-yelled. You elbowed her in the rib.

"I have a suit that looks like- you know what let me just look for a picture." He says, and what the hell... his voice is like silk.

You walk over to him. "Here it is." The suit is a dark gray, with a white undershirt. Your eyes scan his phone, it's an older outdated model and you can't help but giggle.

"Is gray a bad color for me?" He asks, with sarcasm.

"No no! It's just.. what model is your phone? It looks old." His brows furrow as he inspects his phone.

"I don't know, I got it a long time ago." He says with a shrug, "It works just fine."

"Sorry sorry. What kind of tie do you have right now? If you have one." You say trying to be inclusive.

"The one I usually wear is black but this is a special occasion so I need something else." You hum lightly while looking around.

"Okay, I'm thinking blue. Specifically dark blue." He nods and you two look around for a dark blue tie without patterns because he's basic.

Out of the corner of your eye your friends are making smooching faces and other romantic gestures. You're going to end them later.

"I found one thanks for the help." He says.

"Of course!" Fuck, too happy?

He stares at you for a moment, and you stare back before looking away. You take a step back and clear your throat.

"C-can.. I get your number?" Your foot is tapping and you're looking everywhere except for at him.

"Yeah, sorry if my calls don't go through because of my crappy phone." He says with a small.. smile?

You stare for a second in silence.

"That was my attempt at making a joke, it was bad." He says with a sigh.

"Yeah... we're gonna need to work on that. What's your name Mr. Gloomy?" You hand over your phone, you have the dial screen open so he can put in his number.

"Levi Ackerman." That small smile returns.

"I'll see you around, Levi."

In public:

Turns out you were actually the one who wasn't big on telling people about you at first. Levi is proud of everything he does. In all honesty you were slightly embarrassed by having an older boyfriend.

"What if people think you're my sugar daddy or something?" You reason.

"I'm not that old." He rolls his eyes.

"Why does it matter what other people think of our relationship anyway? They're not dating you, I am." He explains. He makes it sound like common sense, which it is, but you still think it's a little awkward.

"I mean it doesn't matter too much but-"

"I respect your decision. I'm not huge on PDA but I'd at least like people close to me to know." He explains rubbing his hand up and down your thigh. You grab his hand (which happens to be very veiny and pretty) and kiss it.

"Thanks, Levi."

-----

When you did tell everyone... you were all over him. Levi was never big on PDA but he didn't mind giving you a little kiss or holding your hand.

The only time he's really touching you in public is one someone's hitting on you. Levi gets scared that you'll find someone younger than him.

-----

"Did you want to go out sometime?" Your new co-worker asks you. He doesn't know you have a boyfriend but you've been rejecting him all week.

You check your phone to see that Levi's just arrived. Your shift ended early today and he promised to come get you and take you out.

"Um no than-"

"Are you ready to go, baby?" Levi's voice is confident and smug. The guy looks over to Levi and then to you. His face flushes and he starts to stammer.

"U-uh sorry. I... I didn't know." Levi exhales as the guy walks away in a hurry.

"You should call me that more often." You chime in with a cheeky smirk.

"I do." He offers you his hand. When you take it, he leads the way to his black cadillac.

"I mean yeah! But not outside of the house."

"I'm working on it... baby."

Meeting the parents:

To your surprise they were very accepting of Levi.

"They've always been very childish. I'm so glad they found someone to keep them in shape." Your mother was embarrassing as always.

"Take care of them." Your father had said.

Levi nodded and they stood there awkwardly.

"Um dad! Levi works for a law firm! Isn't that something? You've always wanted me to get into law school, remember?" Your attempt to change the subject worked.

"I did, but you never wanted to. Always said "Dad! I don't wanna sit at a desk all day!" What law firm do you work for Levi?" It must be a parent's job to embarrass their child.

"Oh I work for..."

That convo went on forever.

-------

"Hello, Mrs. and Mr. Ackerman." Levi nodded, which motivated you to place down the bouquet of Mrs. Ackerman's favorite flowers on her gravestone.

"You guys seemed like great people from what Levi told me. I'm taking care of him, he's not a lonely loser anymore." Tears are welling up but nothing comes out, you smile softly.

"I was never a loser." His eye roll doesn't go unnoticed by you.

"If that's what makes you feel better, then okay. Anyway, I wish I could have had the chance to meet you guys. Mrs. Ackerman I can see why your husband married you. You were fine as hell. That must be where Levi gets it from." You rant with a little giggle.

"I look more like my father." He reminds you.

"Yeah yeah, this isn't about you. I'm trying to meet your parents." You wave him away and continue to talk to the Ackermans.

"I think they would have liked you, a little weirded out by you at first but in the end they would have loved you like you were their own." Two arms wrap around you and then those tears fall. Out of all your relationships none have ever made you feel this loved and wanted.

Chilling:

"Boop!" Levi almost bites your finger this time.

"Stop "booping" me. It's annoying." He's facing you while in bed, those dark, onyx eyes look into yours. God he's so beautiful.

"I'm bored, let's get up." That's probably the tenth time you've said that to him.

"We agreed on fifteen more minutes of cuddling." Levi is a cuddler. In previous relationships you've complained about not being cuddled enough.

Levi is all about physical affection inside of the household. You love it, but at times like right now, you just crave to move around.

He's peppering your face with kisses, your eyelids, your nose, your cheeks, everywhere. The cherry on top is that he smiles when he hears you chuckle at his actions.

"Okay now we can get up, since you're so impatient." Those snuggly arms let go of your body so you can go get ready for the day.

"I love you Levi!" He hesitates upon hearing you say that before responding, "I love you too."

In conclusion Levi is literally like a dad who has to keep one of those little kid backpack leash things on his kid (you) lol he loves you tho <3

#aot #attack on titan #levi attack on titan #attack on titan x reader #levi ackerman x reader #levi fluff #levi x reader #levi aot #levi ackerman #aot levi #levi x you #ackerman

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velvateen · 1 year ago

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i am your singer (zoro x reader) smut

minors DNI.

fem bodied reader, no pronouns used!

warnings: sex. unprotected sex. idk

pt1 pt2

after meeting zoro and joining the strawhats, you and zoro spend the next days getting to know each other…

“So this is where you’ll sleep.”

“Oh, this is nice! It’s really all for me?” You asked Nami, gently setting your bag down on the bed..

“Yeah, even though I’m sure you’ll be sharing eventually,” she responded with a wink as she headed to the door, pausing to lean against the frame.

“Cut it out!” you turned around, laughing at her insinuation. She smiled.

The moonlight filtered in from behind her as she watched you continue to explore your new bedroom. “He really likes you, you know,” she motioned back with a nod, “I do too. All the crew does.” She began to walk out of your view “You’re just what we needed around here, someone to liven it all up!”

You smiled at her words and sighed. Hands on your hips, you evaluated the room with an air of content. This really was a huge change. Leaving to go live with some guy after making out with him at a bar was definitely not the wisest decision you could make, but you were so glad you did. If what Nami said was true about the crew liking you around, you were happy to know the feeling was mutual.

Being stuck in a stagnant town on a small island was stifling at best. Now on the open seas, with no guarantee of what tomorrow would bring, you were filled with excitement, and every doubt you had about leaving vanished. Before you could get too wrapped up in your thoughts, you heard someone clear their throat by the door. Turning around, you met soft gray eyes.

“Hey.”

“Hey,” Zoro responded, lifting himself off the doorframe to walk to where you stood. You took a deep breath in and raised your arms to gesture around the room.

“Can you believe it! All mine!” You smiled, still thinking about your old life, abandoned for the better.

Zoro hummed a response and watched you while you walked to your bag and started putting clothes into the drawers next to your bed. He took a seat on the bed next to where you were working. In the moonlight spilling from the window across your face, he began noting your features. Beautiful, he thought.

He never really pursued people, always prioritising his goals in favor of romantic endeavors. But you. Maybe you caught him in a moment of weakness. Or maybe you were becoming the weakness itself. He was excited to find out which one it was. Either way, the silence between you two was comfortable as you worked to make the room your own.

“So, and I know we’ve done this all out of order,” you chuckled, breaking the silence, “but tell me about yourself.” Zoro moved, laying down on your bed and looking up at the ceiling, starting to tell you about himself, what he’s doing on the crew, how he met everyone, stories of their adventures so far, and eventually you’ve paused your tidywork, opting to sit next to him as you became more and more engrossed.

The hours slip away and the moonlight is replaced with that of a few lamps placed around the room. Quiet laughter and jokes that made the time pass until you noticed the sky start to brighten.

“No way! The sun is rising already,” you said, picking your head up from where you were laying next to Zoro, still talking all of the night away. He tore his gaze away from your smiling face and towards the dark blue sky.

“We should probably sleep,” he said, plopping back down next to you.

“Yeah,” you mumbled, staring from his eyes back to his lips, “we probably should.” Smirking, he cupped a hand around your jaw and pulled you into a sweet kiss. You broke away, giggling, you couldn’t help it. And he couldn’t help it either when he broke into a quiet laugh with you.

“What!” he chuckled, pulling away and looking at you, his eyes searching yours. You pulled him in for another series of light pecks, starting from his lips to his cheeks and jaw while you giggled incessantly.

“You’re delirious,” he stated, a wide smile cracking through his voice.

“I am so not! I’m just happy!” You calmed down from your fit, sighing and moving so the top of your head was tucked under his chin. “So happy,” you repeated.

His arms surrounded you and pulled you closer. Zoro wasn’t one for words, you realized, it was more through his actions that he displayed care and affection. With his arms around you, and to the sounds of his deep breathing, you fell asleep.

Waking up on a ship was different. The rocking sensation stuck to your body, and the larger waves that hugged the hull of the ship begged you to stay in bed. You stretched out, half expecting Zoro to have left at some time after you fell asleep. Your outstretched hand met his face with a slap and he shot up, half asleep and mumbling. You couldn’t repress the laugh that came from your lips.

“Sorry!” he turned to look at you and laid back down, pulling you to him as you had drifted throughout your sleep.

“Mm, morning” he grumbled.

“Morning sleeping beauty,” you ran a hand through his short green hair and he smiled.

A few minutes passed before you dared to break the silence, “We probably should get up.”

“Probably” he mumbled into your neck.

“I wanna be friends with everyone and get to know these pirates I live with for some reason now.”

“Some reason,” he repeated with a playful tone. Yawning, you got upout of his hold and rummaged through your clothes to find an outfit. You left your bedroom and went into the bathroom to change, looking in the mirror to check yourself. Presentable for your first day as a pirate, you’d say. A pirate! How exciting.

When you came out, Zoro had left. You peered to your bed where a note sat.

Crows nest.

Breakfast might be weird BTW.

Just ignore it.

-Z

Okay. Breakfast might be weird. Whatever that means. Zoro must’ve opened your window before he left because a warm breeze swirled around your room.

Breakfast was weird! Not weird in a bad way, just strangely extravagant. Sanji had prepared you a giant breakfast since he wasn’t sure of your preferences. Thanking him and leaving him to tend to a nosebleed, you left the kitchen and headed for the crow’s nest.

You walked in to see a very shirtless, very sweaty Zoro. You turned to leave, afraid you had come in at a bad time, even more afraid of what you would do or say if you stayed.

“Where you going!” He called, slightly huffing as he continued to lift some weights that looked like their weight should not be able to be supported by this ship. You paused, turning around, ignoring the blush that crawled up to your cheeks.

“Uh,” you started, trying desperately not to stare but to also not avoid his gaze. He nodded over his shoulder, “You can sit over there if you want, nice views,” he returned to his weights. You were grateful for the space he was offering you. You walked over and stood facing towards the open windows that extended a breeze into the room.

“Oh, wow,” you mumbled, taking in the scene of crystal blue water stretching for miles beyond you. As a breeze came in, you shivered.

“Cold?” You jumped and turned around, suddenly face to face with Zoro, and suddenly not cold at all. He walked to sit next to you, a white towel hung around his shoulders, the sweat that had been there wicked away. He sipped from a bottle of water while he looked out and some of it ran down his chin and neck. You gulped at the sight as he wiped it away with the back of his hand, and turned away back to the view you were sharing.

“Was breakfast weird?”

“It was, thanks for the warning,” you chuckled and looked around the room, “Are you up here a lot?” Zoro nodded.

“Gotta be if I wanna get stronger, you know.” He looked around too, “I bet we can make an area up here where you could hang out and read or whatever while I train.” You couldn’t hold back the beam that cracked through your lips at his thoughtfulness. He looked at you, shocked at your expression, a smile tracing the corners of his lips.

“What are you smiling at!?”

“You. You’re a big softie under all these muscles,” you prodded at his arm. Totally not an excuse to touch his arm. He laughed and grabbed your wrist, using his hold on you to pull you closer to him as he threw you over one shoulder, his hand settling on your waist.. You erupted into a fit of giggles and light kicks of protest.

“I can’t believe you’re doing this,” you faux-pouted.

“I swear I’m hearing something,” he scratched his head, feigning confusion.

“Shut up!” you laughed, lightly hitting your fists against his bare back. Not an excuse to touch his back, either. He concecded, letting you down in front of him, the laughter dying down now as a tension-filled silence took it’s place.

You pulled him down for a kiss, and as it deepened, the sense of lust took the place of innocence. Your lips chased eachother and his tongue sweeped your lips and you let him in, drawing him impossibly closer. You huffed as you pulled away, his thumb brushing across your swelling bottom lip.

Locking eyes, you came to a silent decision, and in unison the two of you frantically scurried down out of the crow’s nest.

Landing on the deck, Zoro grabbed your hand as you two attempted to walk very normally towards your room, although the subtle touches and grabs would definitely have given you away if anyone had happened to see you.

The door to your room had barely closed by the time Zoro had your shirt pulled over your head and discarded it somewhere on the floor. He kissed you as he walked you towards your bed, the back of your knees giving out as you hit it. He followed you as you fell gently down, kneeling between your legs.

Pulling away, he brushed hair out of your face as he looked into your eyes. “Is this okay,” he asked, a hand creeping down to your inner thigh. You met his eyes with excitement as you nodded, “Please.”

Your hands worked to pull down your shorts as you kicked them away, leaving you in only your undergarments. Your arms snaked around his bare chest to rest on his shoulders as he dipped down to kiss at your exposed thighs. You let out a surprised sound when he nipped at your skin, immeditely using his tongue to ease the pain. Noticing your growing impatience, he finally ventured to the place you wanted him to go to. Licking through your underwear, his tongue traced your slit, moaning as he got a taste of you. Hearing his sounds, you ran your hands through his hair and pulled him closer to your core. At this motion he smirked.

“You really should use your words, beautiful,” he said, “tell me where you want me to go, what you want me to do.”

“Please,” you looked away. His thick finger began to pull down your underwear, pulling your attention back towards him, his eyes pleading for you to say what you wanted.

“Please…?”

“Please Zoro, please fuck me–” you cut yourself off with a moan when his finger plunged into you without warning. He smiled, watching your face intently when his thumb came up to circle your clit. The expressions that were etched on your face were heavenly, and the hard on in his pants twitched with excitement.

“You’re so beautiful,” Zoro mumbled into you as his mouth replaced his thumb and he kissed your clit. You couldn’t help but groan when he slid another finger into you, the rough calluses on his fingers providing fraction enough for you to approach your high quickly. Feeling you tense around him, he pulled his hand away. You groaned at the sudden loss of stimulation coupled with the fading of your high. He stood up, taking off the remainder of his clothes.

“Not yet, okay beautiful? I wanna feel you around me first, and then I’ll let you come as many times as you want, that sound good?” You nodded as you pushed yourself towards the middle of the bed, him climbing over you. Zoro dipped down to kiss your neck, making sure to leave marks there for everyone to see at dinner tonight.

“How did I get so lucky,” he whispered against you, his large hands exploring your chest and abdomen while he lined himself up with your entrance.

You felt him shift against you, his dick beginning to give you back the friciton you had lost from earlier. Zoro looked up at you, and you nodded, giving him permission. He pushed in slowly, studying your face as he did, and when hints of discomfort crossed your face, he stopped for you to adjust.

A low guttural groan escaped his lips when he bottomed out.

“You’re doing so well for me, gorgeous,” he stuttered through clenched teeth. “Can I move now or do you need a second.”

Your hands wrapped to hold his muscular back, “Move, please Zoro, need you so bad.”

At your words he began to thrust into you slowly, his pace building as the time went by. He relished in the feeling of you all around him, your nails delightfully digging into his back. He leaned down to kiss you, melting together as the feeling of closeness encapsulated you both. His steady pace slowly became erratic and faster as he was nearing. He brought a hand down to rub your clit to bring you through your high first.

You moaned his name as you tightened around him, a feeling of hot bliss coursing through your veins. After hearing his name exit shamelessly from your swollen lips, Zoro’s hips stuttered as he finally let go deep inside you. He laid down on top of you while still inside, the both of you still breathing heavily. Zoro pressed a kiss to your forehead.

“If this is what being a pirate is like, then I would’ve joined a crew WAY sooner,” you laughed. He smiled and leaned up, your hands rubbing his back while he kissed you again. He really could not get enough of you.

You smiled as he pulled away, looking into your eyes. In them he swears he could see a future with you by his side as the two of you chase your dreams, but he would never say this out loud. Maybe he will one day, but not right now.

“What are you thinking about?” you asked.

“You.”

The giggle that left your lips was contagious, and Zoro couldn’t help but smile with you. You’ve become his weakness, he mused, pushing loose hairs away from your face.

“Oh,” you mumbled looking down to where you two were connected. Zoro’s eyes widened and a blush crept up his cheeks as he realized he was hard again.

“Thinking of me?”

A/N •.* okay first time writing smut be nice but also give me suggestions on what i can work on/ what you want to see from me next!! mwah bye•.*

#one piece zoro #zoro imagine #zoro x y/n #zoro x sanji #zoro x reader #zoro x luffy #zoro smut #zoro roronoa x reader #zoro headcanons #op zoro #zoro fanart #zoro x you #roronoa zoro #zoro fluff #roanoa zoro #pirate hunter zoro

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bushkit · 3 months ago

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MiD LGBT HEADCANONS (cause why not)

(These headcanons mostly apply to my rewrite but I feel they fit in canon too. Any hate/homophobic comments will result in a block 🥰)

Ava: Biromantic Asexual, She/Her

Not really sure on this one, maybe cause I don't think about Ava very much, but I guess she gives off bi and ace vibes? Like she does make some saucy jokes despite being possibly ace, which I find kinda funny and relatable. I'm not sure though.

Asch: Straight Demiromantic/Sexual, He/Him

Being a prince, I'm sure Asch has been high on the market for nobility who are interested in marrying him. These girls do whatever they can to get his attention in hopes he’ll choose them. But despite their hardest, sweetest efforts, Asch is always unimpressed. He’s not an idiot. He’s absolutely aware of what these women are really after. If he died right in front of them they’d probably shrug and walk off, and then mourn over what they've lost…… their precious newfound status. Asch knows that’s all they really want, they don't want him for love, for a genuine lifelong relationship, when they look at him all they see is a prize. And boy is it an immediate turn off. Asch finds it very difficult to find a lover, he has high expectations, and it takes a lot of interaction for him to even develop a crush. Asch mostly just doesn't even bother. He finds his status and the people he's constantly surrounded with make his chances of finding love slim to none. He just focuses on his kingdom and nothing else. But even still, there's a part of him that longs for a genuine partner. He doesn't want to be completely alone forever.

Leif: Bisexual, He/They

Leif is the most bisexual person I have ever seen in my life. He’s very flirty, and is not afraid to show his impeccable rizz to both men and women. He usually comes off too strong and sends everyone running away, but they're trying their best! He’s overconfident in his abilities and usually fails, but he slays nonetheless. Slay the day you fruity king. As for pronouns, he's fine with any but feminine pronouns. Usually he goes by he, but he also really likes it when people refer to him as “they”. They pronouns make them feel deadlier, and he just finds it comfortable and more fitting to his personality and lifestyle.

Rhys: Aromantic Asexual, He/Him

Rhys has never felt actual attraction before, and in all honestly he isn't complaining about it. He's doing perfectly fine on his own, all he needs are his books and companionship. When it comes to love, Rhys is far more fascinated by the science of it. He loves to observe the behaviors between lovers, how unique each couple is, how relationships may change others over time. He’s okay with spending his life being helpful to his kingdom, and thinks romance will get in the way of that.

Noi: Pansexual, He/Him

Since childhood, Noi has always been absolutely charmed by the idea of love. He’s constantly dreaming of a happy life he could share with someone, no matter who it was. When it comes to potential romance, gender is out of the question for Noi, as long as they love each other he's happy. It’s difficult for him sadly, as someone who's considered weak by many partnered with societies view on love in general, it’s hard to find someone who truly wants to be in love like he does. But that doesn't stop him from being caring to others, and he will never give up hope that he will find a lover some day. (I LOVE YOU MY BABY NOI YOU WILL FIND LOVE)

Pierce: Gray (panromantic) Aromantic Asexual, He/Him

Pierce was a difficult one. He's so quiet and reserved most of the time that it leads me to think his romantic preference is something he keeps to himself. I don't think romance is very important to him at all, but I also don't think he's against romance as a whole. In a way he's kinda like Rhys, more fascinated by love, but though hesitantly, he’d actually be willing to give it a try. Being so laid back, I don't think Pierce really has a romantic preference, leading me to believe he's likely panromantic.

——————

So ya that's it ✨

#my inner demons #aphmau my inner demons #lgbtqia #lgbt headcanons

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buckychristwrites · 2 years ago

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Colors in the Dark | b.b. | Part Two

Pairing: Bucky x Reader

Summary: It’s been years since it was revealed that Bucky has a soulmate. And while he doesn’t remember anything about them, he hopes to see them again one day.

Word Count: 2.2k

Warnings: Surprisingly fluff

A/N: Just a quick tale of reunion, since a few people were wondering if Bucky would ever meet his soulmate again. I’m not sure if anyone will read this but i wrote it in less than a day and had fun, so i hope someone does. Enjoy :)

Part One | Masterlist

“I had a soulmate once.”

The scratching of the pen on paper came to a halt.

“Everyone has a soulmate,” she explained as-a-matter-of-factually. Bucky huffed.

“I know that,” he said, annoyed. “I mean, I met mine once.” Dr. Raynor laid her pen down on the pad on her desk, her attention now fully on Bucky.

“Back before the war?” She asked. He let out a humorless laugh as he shook his head.

“You would think. No, it was actually the same day I ran into Steve. As the…” He waved his hand. “Soldier.” He didn’t like saying the name. The Winter Soldier. It made him feel some type of way. He tried to brush off that feeling as he looked back at his therapist. “I have vague memories of it sometimes. Seeing in color.” Dr. Raynor’s eyebrows furrowed together.

“But you don’t see color now?”

He shook his head once again. “They wiped my memories.” A hard lump formed in his throat, and he tried to swallow it down. Despite the fact that Bucky could remember most things about himself now, and from his time as the Winter Soldier, the memories of his soulmate were never able to be recovered. He sometimes found himself wondering if there was something in the universe stopping him from being able to remember. Would the memories give him back the ability to see color? Would he need to meet you again?

“Why haven’t you brought this up until now?” Dr. Raynor asked, a hint of suspicion in her tone.

“Probably the same reason I don’t bring up a lot of things,” Bucky said in a joking tone, and he did not elaborate further. Raynor rolled her eyes.

“How does the idea of meeting them again make you feel?” She asked him. That was one thing Bucky never tried to consider. Sure, he pictured what it would be like, and sometimes he found himself watching people in the street and wondering to himself if any of those people could be the one. But he never wanted to consider the feelings behind it all. In reality, it brought him a great deal of fear, the idea of confronting this part of his past. It wasn’t like you were just a bystander to the chaos that was his time in HYDRA. He had hunted you. Fought you. Even tried to kill you. IN what world would anyone, even his predetermined soulmate, forgive him for that? Though there was a chance Steve had attempted to clear his name, you were never brought up in any of the time Steve and he had spent together since Bucky’s treatment in Wakanda. And now with Steve gone, he had no way of finding out the answer.

“The answer to that should be obvious,” was all he said, mostly because he did not want to answer. Taking the hint, Raynor backed off, instead looking down at her watch.

“That’s time,” she said, looking up at him with narrowed eyes. “But we will be picking this back up next week.” Bucky’s chair squealed against the hard floor as he pushed it backwards to stand up.

“Don’t hold your breath.”

It was at this time that you were walking down the street, cradling your head with one hand while holding the strap of your bag with another. It was a migraine day for you, as most days were anymore, and while your body yearned for the dark bedroom back at your apartment, your morning agenda had other plans for you. Life had to go on, even if your new debilitation didn’t want it to.

Your bag was heavy on your shoulders as you jogged across the street. Washington D.C. was as welcoming today as it always was, a chorus of horns greeting you as you made your way. It had become second nature to ignore them.

The day was a mix of gray and blue, but every day was a mix of gray and something. The sidewalks were a parade of people making their way to a destination that was much more important than anyone else’s, except for the tourists who just couldn’t help but stop and get in the way.. As you made it to another crosswalk, you marked off another street closer to home. It was like you could taste the feeling of lying down after a long morning of engagements. Maybe a shower was in order, before ordering take out and settling in before the clock struck two. The idea of it sounded marvelous.

Out of the corner of your eye, you could see the Avenger’s mural that was painted just weeks after half the population reappeared after 5 years. You felt a pang in your chest, as you always did when you saw it. You opened your eyes one moment to find that five years had passed, and the two closest friends you had, Natasha and Steve, were both gone. Although it had almost been a year since then, sometimes your heart felt the loss the same way it did the first time.

The sight on the mural that always made you stop, no matter how many times you saw it, was the man with the long hair and metal arm. Every single time you walked by this mural, it always stopped you in your tracks.

You still remembered the aftermath of the fight, when Steve explained who the man in the mask was. The way your heart grieved over the idea it had for who and what your soulmate would be. Never in a million years did you imagine that you’d be paired with a one hundred year old master assassin. Someone who now had tried to kill you. Someone you may never even see again. The devastation hit you like a train, but it also made your heart break for the man. Despite it all, he was just a man, who wasn’t in his right mind. He had lost something too.

And then, in an instant, the world changed again.

It was that same night that the colors you had just gained were ripped from your sight, replaced with a static of a mix of gray and vibrancy that you couldn’t escape. The pain in your head was indescribable and, unbeknownst to you at the time, damn near inescapable. One would assume that with your abilities, you’d be able to make the pain disappear in an instant, but nothing you did helped with the pain.

It was a rare day that your head was pain free, but this moment, with you looking at the mural on the building near your apartment, you felt the migraine dissolve. It made you want to stand there all day. Just you and the idea of your soulmate. Was it funny? Or did you want to cry? It was hard to tell sometimes.

Bucky’s boots clambered down the concrete steps as he left his therapist’s D.C. office. In town for the week on work, Bucky felt it necessary to make sure he saw her. The streets of the Capital made him uneasy anymore, considering how things went the last time he was in town.

Something about the conversation with Dr. Raynor made him feel more tense than usual. As he walked down the sidewalk, he had to keep reminding himself to un-clench his jaw, and even then, a moment later, his teeth would be pressed together once more. He attempted to distract himself by listing off the things he had to do that day. Grocery shop. Text Sam’s nephews to figure out how to Facetime. Facetime Sam’s nephews. Cook dinner. Clean out the catbox.

A shoulder ramming into his own brought his stress right back, causing him to turn around. He did not come face to face with the culprit, but what he did find was much worse.

He found himself just across the street from the Avengers mural. It was like he could feel the tension creeping up his body as he swallowed hard. He always made an effort to avoid the mural as much as possible. Despite how grateful he was to be included, all it did was remind him of what he had lost. Seeing his old friend in the painting made him choke up a little, and before he knew it, he found himself crossing the street to get a closer look.

Your phone vibrated in your pocket, but you ignored it as you enjoyed the bliss. Nothing but a few words and a lot of punches were exchanged between you and him. Soulmates were destined, and everyone only had one. Sometimes it felt like a huge joke, to be paired with someone who was programmed to kill you upon your first meeting. And yet, you found yourself wondering often where he ended up after Wakanda. You never had a chance to find out. The time to reintroduce yourself just never seemed to come. And then Steve, the only connection you had to him, was gone. The easiest thing you could do was to move on. But some days, you still wondered.

A cool breeze hit you, and you looked up just in time as a raindrop hit your cheek.

“Fuck,” you grumbled as the single drop turned quickly into a down poor. If you hadn’t gotten distracted, you would’ve made it home before the rain. Annoyed, you immediately spun around and ran for the crosswalk. You noticed a moment too late that you didn’t bother looking before stepping into the street.

Before you knew it, a pair of arms wrapped around you and yanked you backwards, sending your head flying downward into your chest. It took a second for you to realize that you were being dragged away from the road, your feet forgetting how to do their only job. In a moment of haste, you shoved yourself out of the strangers firm grasp.

“I’m safe now, thanks!” You huffed, pretending you weren’t completely embarrassed by what just occurred. The bus that almost hit you was still blaring its horn, the driver flicking you off in the most unprofessional of ways. Raising a sheepish hand, you averted eye contact with your savior as you grabbed your bag, which had, at some point in the encounter, been thrown to the ground.

“You’re fucking welcome, I guess.”

Your eyes snapped up at the sound of the voice, your cheeks getting hot. When your eyes found the stranger, you only caught his profile as he turned to walk away. His hair was much shorter, and he was dressed differently this time, but it was him. You’d know him anywhere.

“Bucky?”

The deja vu was enough in itself, but the way he reacted to the sound of his name made your heart pound in your throat. He froze as if someone hit the pause button on a remote control, and too many seconds passed by before he finally turned around, his eyes falling on yours.

When the world lit up around you, your lungs forgot how to breathe.

The TV static that had filled your vision for years was replaced with the vivid colors that you had experienced only once so long ago. Subconsciously, your hands covered your mouth as you looked around.

Bucky, on the other hand, couldn’t take his eyes off you. It was like the memory of you was on the tip of his tongue for years. Now that he was looking at you, he felt crazy for ever forgetting. He opened his mouth to speak, but no words came out. Finally, you looked back at him, seeming to remember that it wasn’t just the colors of the world that had returned to you.

“I- I never got your name,” were the first words to tumble out of his mouth. You broke out in a smile before telling him. He couldn’t tell which made him happier, the smile on your face, or the sound of your voice. So happy, in fact, that he could feel his chest get heavy, and his eyes tear up, though he quickly blinked those away. He didn’t need to cause another awkward meeting with you.

Little did Bucky know that you felt the same. Seeing him now, after all these years, knowing that he was not only alive but also healing, brought you so much joy that you couldn’t tell if you wanted to sob or yell out. And maybe kiss him, despite yourself. He was, after all, your soulmate.

“I’m sorry I tried to kill you,” he said sheepishly, his arm reaching behind his head to scratch his neck. There was something about his embarrassment that was so endearing to you.

“Well, you just saved my life,” you reminded him. “So I think we’re even now.” He smiled at the ground, a slight pink in his cheeks.

“Maybe I could buy you a coffee?” You offered. He looked back up, as if relieved by the invitation.

“I’ll buy,” He countered. “I think you’ve done enough today.”

But for the both of you, the day, and your lives, had only just begun.

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