#and jesper why couldn't you stop thinking about him???

[swiftiecrow]

Jesper: Wylan is so weird. Like, why does he have such pretty, ruddy curls? Why are his eyes a beautiful shade of blue and impossible to look away from? Why can't I think of him as nothing if not a prince fallen into the wrong story? Why does he speak with a tone that no one uses in the Barrel? Why doesn't he kiss me????

[violetrainbow412-blog]

Touching [K. B.]

Kaz Brekker x fem!reader

word count: 4k

summary: you and Kaz share physical contact for the first time

warnings: established relationship, trauma, PTSD, spoilers for S&B season 2, here Kaz has no romantic feelings for Inej, and I don't even know where the hell this is located in canon (just imagine that the problem at the end of the series never happened) oh and Imogen's name appears in books according to google

taglist: @rustyyyyspoonz @be-lla-vie @milkshake0 @ladespedidas

Kaz Brekker could swear that he would faint at any moment as he climbed the stairs to his room, the cane in his left hand being the only impediment for this to happen. That day he had to leave the Slat to attend to some business that was complicated by the march and resulted in a physical altercation. Fortunately he hadn't been hurt, but he couldn't say the same for the other men.

Before opening the door, he let out a tired sigh and closed his eyes for a moment, mentally reviewing the pending documents that he would surely have to review the next day, but when he entered the room, his entire train of thoughts was overwhelmed by a presence in the place.

It was you, who was sitting in his desk chair with a book in your hands, from which you looked up when you heard that he had entered. You were already wearing a faded nightgown to sleep in and your features showed tiredness, but also calm.

"Hi," you said straightening up. Kaz felt your mere presence light up the entire room and his shoulders relaxed as you spoke.

"Hello" he replied with a hint of a smile. Without saying anything he went ahead until he reached the bed and you followed him with your eyes, turning in the chair to face him.

“Is it okay if I stay here? I'm sorry I didn't ask you before”

"It’s okay" he replied quietly.

It had been a couple of months since you and Kaz had decided… how shall I put it? Try to have a relationship. You had always been firm in the idea of conquering Kaz Brekker, even with his bad reputation and his difficult nature, since you joined the crows, a few years ago. He never understood why you did it, even feeling suffocated by your attentions, but over time (and after a lot of effort) he began to feel affection for you and eventually he came as close as he could feel to love. He began to care for you, to enjoy your company, and to feel nervous whenever he looked at you, which Nina helped him interpret as a crush.

You trusted that, despite his short temper, Kaz had a good heart and he had shown that more than once. You had never received mistreatment from him (beyond his typical responses towards others), he defended all the members of your group tooth and nail and he was firm in his ideals. Yes, of course he was a criminal, a gambler, and sometimes a murderer, but you knew that he was neither the only nor the worst in The Barrel. Besides, his motives were valid… most of the time.

So it was that a few months ago, during a drunken night, you two confessed your feelings. You were too cheerful to think about what you were saying and it was inevitable that the words slipped out of your mouth like water from a river. Kaz wasn't drunk enough to stop understanding what you were saying and you have a vague recollection that he just put you to sleep and didn't say anything. But hours later, when Jesper had personally taken it upon himself to push the black-haired man to his drinking limits, he burst into your room and only told you that he liked you too. Of course, in the morning the hangover was accompanied by guilt and when you sought him out to apologize, you were surprised that he hadn't felt offended and hadn't taken back his words either. You concluded that maybe the alcohol had given both of you the courage you needed and that was okay.

For a few days the matter remained like this, but then Kaz made an appointment with you in his office and steeling himself with courage, he told you about his interest in having something with you, but warning you that, considering all his characteristics, he was possibly not the best option and what should you look for someone better if you wanted it that way. But you wanted to try things and even more so if he had been the one who proposed it.

You were patient the whole time and gave Kaz the space he needed. Sometimes you just spent time in his office, in silence, and watching him work was satisfying enough. Little by little he allowed you to enter more spaces of his daily life and although you had kept the relationship private, suspicions arose one morning when you left his room and Nina, probably the gossipiest of your friends, saw you.

A couple of times you had held his hand over his gloves and once you had kissed his cheek, only because he was too asleep to notice. It was slow progress, but you could live with it.

Now you were trying to sleep together. You'd obviously replaced Kaz’s thin mattress with a larger one and figured out a way to make it work; between him and you, you placed a line of pillows so that you avoided physical contact. Simple but effective.

"How was it?"

“It could have been better”

"You should rest" you suggested, analyzing how bad he had been after the fight that he surely had. There were no visible bumps or scratches, thankfully.

"Yeah, I will" he replied very vaguely. You saw him look up a little at you and you wondered what he was looking for "What were you reading?"

“Huh, a book that Jesper won in a bet. It is the story of a warrior princess who has to defend her kingdom”

"Sounds nice" he exclaimed. There was the beginning of a smile gracing his face and you didn't think he was aware of it, but he'd been doing it for the past couple of weeks every time you talked to him about something. Every time you spoke, simply.

"It is," you said happily. Kaz had already made a mental note about your fascination with literature, and at the next heist he planned to keep a couple of books for you, if the opportunity arose.

You wanted to continue talking to him, but the truth was that you were only waiting for him to arrive to sleep and you were sure that, although he wouldn’t admit it, Kaz needed rest as much as you did. That's why you got up from the chair and before he said anything else you sat on the bed, next to him.

"I'm tired" you murmured, making a tiny pout and watching him with tender eyes. He was very handsome, you thought of that whenever you saw him.

"Lie back, while I organize some things"

"Come on, Kaz" you complained, b because you knew these activities could last hours and he deprived himself of sleep to finish them "Tomorrow you can do it, sleep with me" you insisted, stretching out your hand until you reached his. He was wearing the gloves and your fingers slipped under his, only taking the tips around your hand.

Both of your gazes landed there, you wondering what it would feel like to hold Kaz’s hand without the leather in between and him admiring the difference in size between your hands and his. You had them damaged around the nails and the skin marked with a few moles, but for him they were perfect. When you started to move your thumb from side to side he looked up, noticing that his eyelids were already weighing you down, and he sighed. For some time now he hasn't been able to say no to anything you ask of him, much less when you look so delicate and hold his hand.

"Okay, go to sleep then"

You suppressed a smile, without much success, and watched him remove several layers of clothing to only be left with his shirt and pants. You had never seen him naked, and you doubted very much that you would soon, but you liked the lightness that appeared in him when he was left with few clothes. As if by taking them off he was also abandoning all the problems that he accumulated during the day.

You carefully slid to your side of the bed, against the wall, and made sure the pillow divider was in place. He kept you company moments after turning off the lamp.

"Good night," you said kindly. Whenever you stayed there you wanted to tell him that you loved him before going to bed, but the intention never materialized. The first few times Kaz was very tense and hardly slept, although by this point he had gotten used to it and he was handling it well; even he would say that he rested more knowing that you kept him company.

"Sweet dreams," he said, with a gentle tone that took you by surprise. You were internally grateful that the room was dark or he would have seen your flushed face.

It didn't take long for you to give up, but Kaz, no matter how hard he tried, couldn't fall asleep. Although having you by his side had relaxed him a lot, for a couple of days there was a matter interrupting his thoughts and it was related to the dreams that had come to replace his habitual nightmares.

In all of them you were the protagonist and he... touched you. In every possible way and every sense of the word, as if it were something natural that didn’t take any effort. At first he was terrified of how real the dreams felt, almost swearing that the night before he had passionately kissed you only to realize that you were still on the other side of that fence of pillows you had placed for his comfort. Kaz had wanted to ignore all of this, but each time these thoughts became more frequent and stronger: What would it feel like to hug you? And accommodate your hair? Would he be able to caress you as he knew you wanted and deserved?

The black-haired man could be evil at times and he seemed unaffected by anything, but the insecurities and fears inside him were bigger than anyone could imagine. Even the day you confessed to him that you liked him, he feared that you were lying or that it was just drunken incoherence.

So now that a few months had passed he felt he had to offer you at least some physical contact or else you'd end up getting bored of him like Imogen once had. But that was another story.

Kaz was startled when he heard you complain and looked silently in your direction, but it turned out that you weren't awake, you had only changed position. From that angle he could see the whole silhouette of your body and part of your face, even more peaceful when you were asleep, everything so beautiful that he wondered how you could be real and especially because you were sharing a room with a person like him. 

His hands didn't have gloves on and even though they had been at his sides the whole time, he felt the urge to move them away. He wondered what it would feel like to touch your skin or if he would actually be able to do it without panicking and as the desire was greater than the fear, without giving it much thought he reached out his arm towards you, preparing to touch your bare forearm. He breathed once, then twice, and finally, he did.

He had to remind himself that your skin wasn’t that of some wet corpse and for this he concentrated on how it really felt; it was warm and soft. His hand trembled on your body and he feared to wake you, but even with this he didn't move away. He didn't know how long it was before he was able to breathe normally, but once he did he waved his hand a couple of times and if you had been awake you would have been amazed at the gentleness with which he did it.

Kaz pulled away a few seconds later, seized with the sudden strange feeling that he couldn't leave him so easily, and with an angry huff he jumped up to wash his hands. He wanted to change and improve for you, but it was complicated and it frustrated him.

Either way, he was thankful that you hadn't seen his experiment and concluded that it was better, so he could move at his own pace. When he lay down again he kept looking at you, taking the opportunity to reflect on the matter, until his body couldn't take it anymore and the unconsciousness of the dream ended up consuming him completely.

And of course, he dreamed of you again.

The days passed as normal and life at The Barrel continued as usual. The crow club was in full swing after the renovations Kaz had done, almost a year ago now, and there was more work than ever. Jesper and Wylan always went everywhere together and the girls at The Menagerie were great with attention, but it still seemed like it was never enough. Nina and Matthias weren't very active members and Inej's visits weren't as frequent now that she led a life at sea. You were in charge of supervising several of the things, on behalf of your boyfriend, and sometimes you also served drinks. The club had gone from being the favorite place for seedy drunkards to a refined place where more and more people came to gamble and have fun. Of course more visits meant more money and you knew that made the owner happy, but it also loaded him with work.

"Knock, knock," you said happily, as you peeked out of his office door, tray in hand. Kaz raised his head from the papers with the accounts he was reviewing and met you "I brought you dinner"

"Dinner?"

“Yes, it is one of the three meals of the day. It's important and you always forget about it" you explained, placing a plate in front of him that contained some cookies, and bread and leaving a cup of coffee without sugar next to it "I didn't know what you might be craving, so I brought something light"

“Thank you,” he said as he watched you drop into an adjoining chair, your own mug of hot chocolate in hand.

"How is everything going?"

"Okay, I'm still missing a couple of things"

"Do you want me to go?"

"No" he replied. How could you think of that? Of course he wanted you there.

During these weeks you had noticed Kaz a little strange, as if he was suddenly more condescending or permissive with you, but you enjoyed these changes. You couldn't know it, but he had been running little experiments like the one he did when you were sleeping. When you were interrupting the path he needed to travel, he would move you to the side at the waist, when you sat next to each other at crow meetings, he would link his knee to yours, and you caught him picking some rubbish out of your hair more than once. So you, too, had begun looking for more intimate ways to engage with him, like taking him out to dinner after a tiring day, curious as to how far he would let you go.

You made small talk about trivial matters and took the opportunity to make sure he consumed some of what you brought him, which he did with pleasure.

When you finished Kaz went back to his work and you decided that it was better to occupy yourself with something else, preferably quietly so as not to interrupt him. Your visits to his study were almost always like this, so you already had some things for your entertainment in a drawer. You pulled out a puzzle that you and Inej used to put together all the time and spread it out on the floor, sitting in a lotus position in front of it, willing to be at it for a while.

But on that particular day he couldn't focus on anything but you. Out of the corner of his eye, he would catch a glimpse of your attentive frown and your hands tapping the floor impatiently for not finding the right pieces, finding both quite adorable.

All day he had been seriously thinking about making a risky move and now that the opportunity presented itself he felt more nervous than he had imagined, so he kept silent for a long time where you didn't even notice the crisis internal he was having.

"Kiss me"

The words were spoken so quietly and hastily that you feared you had hallucinated them and your neck might have snapped from the quickness with which you looked up at him.

"Did you say something?"

"Kiss me" he repeated, loud and clear so that this time there would be no doubt of what he was saying. You felt that your heart was going to jump out of your chest due to the astonishment that such a sudden request produced in you. Kaz was asking you for a kiss? Impossible.

You were stunned for a few seconds, looking directly into those sky-colored eyes that were waiting for an answer. What kind of kiss was he asking you? It was like a kiss on his cheek or… on his lips perhaps? Why was he asking you that in the first place? And why had he thrown it at you just like that?

"If you don't want to, that's fine," he added, with a disappointed tone, and you jumped to your feet as soon as you heard that.

"No, no. I was just... surprised, that's all" you explained, completely nervous, because you didn't want him to regret it.

You walked up to face him and the height difference forced Kaz to look down at you with doe eyes you never imagined he could have and didn't even know he was aware of. He felt slightly intimidated, more by the situation itself than by you, and one of his hands went directly to hold the wood of the chair to try to calm down.

You took a deep breath and looked closely at the black-haired man's face, thinking about which part of his face would be more suitable for kissing; the skin on his cheeks? His forehead? Or go once and for all for those thin pink lips?

When you crouched down he held his breath and you saw him tense when you got closer to his face, but you still continued because you knew he would mark the limit, if there was one. You closed your eyes and finally closed the distance, pressing your lips against his for just a second. Your stomach turned and when you straightened up your cheeks were flushed crimson, but it worried you that Kaz hadn't flinched. You would even say that he seemed to be angry.

"Give me a proper kiss"

You felt your legs shake and you thought you were going to faint right there after hearing him. He wasn't even asking, he was demanding it. Kaz was practically yelling at you that he was going to settle for the simple lip brush you just gave him, he wanted more.

You were a mess at the thought of him wanting to take such a big step, but you tried your best to hold it back and nodded softly at him. A proper kiss would require more than just you standing in front of him, so you sat on Kaz’s lap, who nearly squealed in surprise.

"If you want to stop, just say so" you warned him. But you had already gone too far, he didn't want to stop and of course you didn't either.

Your feet dangled over the side of the chair and you made yourself more comfortable resting your hands on his clothed shoulders, hoping that with that separation of cloth Kaz would feel less uncomfortable, until your face was right in front of his.

There was so much fear in his eyes that you wanted to walk away, but you knew that with that you would spoil all the effort he was making and you feared that he would be offended to the point of not wanting to kiss you anymore.

You would be lying when you said that you didn’t want it, that you didn’t long for to finally be able to know what his kisses would taste like and thus be able to alleviate the knot in your stomach that you had since that party night when you confessed your love, so without more or less you leaned a little and then you kissed him.

At first it was a mere assumption, but when you felt how tense he was you knew that he had never kissed anyone in his life. You could feel his panic through the trembling sighs that escaped him, but you didn't give up for a second from your task.

"Relax your lips" you said, separating yourself enough centimeters to be able to articulate the words "And the shoulders too" you continued, stroking that section with both hands to help it a little "Just focus on how it feels"

Your whispers sounded like spells to him as if they were instructions to follow to achieve the happiness he so wanted and didn't know how to obtain.

You tried again and since he followed your advice the contact was more fluid. Suddenly all negative feelings were replaced by the pleasure of savoring your lips, still with the flavor of the impregnated chocolate, and of feeling your warm body so close to his. There were no traumatic memories because he had never kissed anyone before Jordie’s death, nor since. It was something new, different, and it was also unique because it was you who was there.

He began to pay more attention to details and enjoyed the way your lips caught one of his, so subtly that he could barely identify it, or how your hands had already gone up to his neck to hold it. Kaz’s gloved hands moved almost by themselves to your waist and it was your turn to hold your breath, probably under the impression that he had done something like that.

You cut off the kiss, but then another followed, and when that one ended another came. Suddenly everyone was down to you and Kaz having a little make-out session in his office, a moment he never wanted to end. Maybe it was the sensation of trying something forbidden, but you felt that the man's kisses had the most intoxicating flavor on the entire planet, as if everything you had ever enjoyed was nothing compared to that. And he couldn't do anything more than practically melt under your caresses and let you do whatever you wanted with him.

For some reason Kaz was finally overwhelmed by the contact, but instead of throwing you out of there he pulled you away with his grip on your waist, calm and gentle.

"It’s enough" he whispered. It wasn't because he wasn't enjoying it, but because he knew better than anyone that you couldn't give yourself completely to life’s pleasures or they would end up consuming you from the roots.

He didn't want to open his eyes for fear that it was all another one of those dreams and also to somehow extend the sensation as much as possible, but you didn't want to do anything but look at him. He was breathing heavily and the usual paleness of his skin had been replaced by a vermilion hue and to your surprise his hands hadn't left the position they were in, which you took as a sign that he still wanted you sitting on his legs.

“Are… are you okay?” you asked cautiously, knowing that closed eyes and heavy breathing were also symptoms of a panic attack that you definitely didn't want to happen.

"No” you barely had time to worry and think about what you could do before you heard a soft laugh. Kaz Brekker was laughing “Oh my gosh of course I'm not okay. You're driving me completely crazy” he responded and managed to make the phrase sound like a claim and a compliment at the same time.

"Was it that bad?"

"It was perfect. You are” he confessed and you exhaled a nervous laugh, feeling as foolish as a girl in love. Both of your hands were planted on his chest, so you started to play with a button on his shirt to try to calm your emotions.

“I'm glad you… huh, that we could share this. I really wanted to kiss you” you dared to tell him.

Although he was apparently calm, the truth was that he was having a hard time not separating from you, but the only reason he hadn't was because of the loving and happy expression that was on your face, which probably, to a lesser extent, he also had.

"Me too" he assured you, with that little smile you had already begun to love.

And that kiss represented the beginning of a path that Kaz was willing to walk, as difficult as it was, only for the promise that at the end of the day it would all be worth it if you were the one waiting for him. 

[queenie-avenue]

I just read your yandere cheerleader and I LOVE it.

when I finished reading it I had an idea so hear me out, what if as the reader goes to the games more often to watch the cheerleader they catch one of the players eyes and that player also becomes obsessed with the reader.

basically yandere cheerleader x reader x yandere player (idk what sport lol💀)

Prepare for trouble, make it double!

💌 ⤻ THE BASEBALL PLAYER, JESPER HARGREAVES ft. THE CHEERLEADER

—> when he hits a home run, he wants to run into your arms.

⤻ reader is gender neutral, reader is the same person as in THE CHEERLEADER drabble, mentions of stalking, territorial behaviour, obsession, possessiveness, jealousy

comments: my first ever anon ask, thank you so much for this! this is more of an introductory post to jesper but no worries, the rivalry between jesper and katie will be there! i decided to go with a baseball player and make him a bit of a ditz, I think it would be a nice contrast with the cheerleader. you're my first anon, so I really wanted to get this out fast for you! as usual, requests are always open so keep them coming!

🦋 ⤻ archives.

Jesper was a good boy, he truly was. If golden retriever was a person, it had to be him. After all, his job on the team was literally chase after a ball and hit it. In simplified terms anyway. He was a bit of an airhead, admittedly, his grades too low to get into your prestigious university, but thanks to the sports scholarship, he got into the university. He didn't really think much about the school. He found good teammates who didn't judge him for being an airhead. He was quite popular, not user popular like Katie Williams, but certainly popular enough to be invited to almost every party on campus.

Jesper was content with his life, truly.

That was, until you popped in.

He had heard rumours of you. Katie William's new plaything, the one she dragged around for almost every game. The one who, when questioned about her new beau, seemed a bit defensive and offended that anyone would even dare to inquire about her darling. He respected that, honestly.

Since he was a child, he found himself territorial about his things. His parents always scolded him for it, but he never grew out of the phase, so he understood Katie's apprehension.

That was that, that was where thoughts of [y/n] [l/n] ended.

✧ Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ ✧

That was, until this week's game. There you were, seated at the bleachers because Katie had dragged you over to another one of her games again, just so you could stare at her and so she could stare at you.

Katie also had a habit of dragging you down to the cheer squad to show you off, and that's when he first saw you. He was staring at the back of your head until...

You turned around, and your eyes met. His blue ones reflected into yours.

It felt like the world had stopped for a moment. Like he was a kid again, eyeing a lego toy he would beg his parents for as a kid. You weren't a toy. He knew that. There was one thing you and the toy had in common though, he wanted you.

When you went up towards the bleachers to sit with the rest of the common folk with your common clothes — you'd look so much better in his Jersey — his eyes raked all over you till it was time for the game.

He did exceptionally well. Home runs almost nearly every round. In his mind, though, he was going on autopilot. All he could think about was your hair... your eyes... how Katie's hands rested against your waist. He wished he could do that. Why couldn't he do that? Why did Katie have to do that in front of him? Was she provoking him?

The moment the game was finished, he talked with his team, with his coach and then turned towards the cheer squad where you were predictably talking with the ebony-skinned cheerleader.

"Katie!" He greeted her. They weren't close, but they were cordial enough to at least say hi to each other.

"Hello, Jesper." Katie smiled in return, a posessive hand gripped around your waist.

"And who is this lovely person by your side?" He asked, and Katie already knew his intentions with that question. They didn't know each other well, but the glint in his eyes was all she needed to know.

"I'm [y/n]." You replied with a smile, and you almost winced at how harsh Katie suddenly gripped your waist. You and Katie were friends so you never understood why she acted like this.

"Jesper. Nice to meet you. I've never seen you before, what's your course?" He asked, reaching out a hand to pat you on the back, hoping to just get a bit of physical touch between the both of you but Katie snatched you away first, smirking as she did so.

"You don't need to answer that." Katie hissed.

"No, no, it's fine." You replied, calming Katie down. "I'm in the [course name], I take an elective in history." You explained.

"That so?" He grinned like a fool, wondering whether he could sign up for a history elective in the future just so he could get together with you.

"That is so, and if you don't mind, we'll be on our way now." Katie replied rather harshly as she pulled you away, practically dragging you by your arms towards the rest of the cheer squad, away from Jesper. She shot a final glare at him, all while Jesper simply shot a foolish grin back at Katie; a challenge.

From that day on, your boring university life would be forever overturned.

"If I become the MVP for this match, do I get a kiss?"

[reonnex]

Kaz is the first person Wylan tells about how he really ended up in the Barrel.

There's nothing special about that day. It was just an ordinary day as any in Ketterdam. The only thing different Wylan could think of was Jesper was visting Colm back in Novyi Zem.

Maybe thats why Wylan felt the urge to seek out the Bastard of the Barrel. The only one who could connect to Wylan in a way the others couldn't.

"To what do I owe the pleasure of a councilman vist?" Kaz had said as Wylan entered his office. The man was hunched over his desk, flicking through papers.

"I need to tell you something- personal."

"Do I look like a therapist?" Kaz had grumbled, but sighed. "But fine, what do you want to tell me?"

"I didn't run away." The words felt heavy on his tounge as Wylan spoke. He felt frozen in place, not being to move from the spot in the doorway.

Kaz made no motion to look up to Wylan as he continued to write.

"How I ended up in the Barrel. I-I didn't run away from my father like everyone thought I did."

Kaz had seemed to know where Wylan was going before he could even speak. He didn't look up to Wylan still, but his writing flattered, and Wylan could see a glint in the man's eyes as if he was silently telling Wylan to continue.

And Wylan did.

He admitted everything through shaky breaths. How he was so thrilled to be leaving for this music school, but also heartbroken that he was being sent away.

He told him how he watched the Barrel lights dance through the night on the boat.

How hands wrapped around his neck, and he just accepted his fate in that momment.

How Miggson and Prior got distracted, and Wylan jumped overboard into the water below.

How he swam for who knows how long back to the Barrel. The will to live being the only thing on his mind. He still wanted to live. He wanted to live.

And Wylan told him that he clung onto hope his father didn't know Wylan was almost killed. That his father still cared for him. That was until he opened the papers.

By the time Wylan was done, he was a sobbing mess. Tears caked his cheeks as his knuckles were white from gripping his pant legs.

"He tried to kill you because he replaced you already." Kaz had finally said after a few minutes of silence.

"Yes. He said he wanted the world to forget he had a son."

Kaz had nodded at that before standing up and walked closer to Wylan. He pulled out a hankerchief and handed it to Wylan, who glady took it to wipe his eyes and blow his nose.

"Do you believe in the eye for a eye? Or do you still cling onto your morals?"

Kaz had a deeper meaning to that. Wylan knew that immediately. "I believe it now...But it shouldn't end death." No matter what they did."

"I see." Kaz said. "Thank you for telling me this. If there is anything else you wish to talk about. My office is always open."

And Wylan had left.

The next day, news broke out that Van Ecks throat had been slashed in his cell. It wasn't deep enough to kill him and oddly seemed to be shallow enough to avoid all the major arteries. They had called a healer, but she had been held up helping a lost man with a limp who couldn't read directions know where he was and by the time she arrived, all she could do was stop the bleeding. She couldn't heal the scar it would leave.

He would still be able to talk, but it would be much limited then before.

When Wylan visted Kaz again that day, he had asked him about the attack.

"Despite Hellgates reputation Wylan, people in there have family's still. Sons and daughters they had to leave behind. Family means everything to them. They will do anything to protect those who hold a place in their lives." Was all Kaz has said before ordering Wylan to leave, and that he was busy with papers.

Even with his black gloves freshly clean, they could never get the stain of blood off of them. Wylan noticed the spot of red that was still left on. And knowing Kaz, he would never leave that on him unless he wanted it to be seen.

Sometimes water can wash away the history that has been around it forever. It can erode the stone, break apart land and have its sentiments sink onto the bottom. But it never forgets. The waters will never forget.

[rainydaymiscellaneous]

Can we get that pt2 to gorgeous?????

I gotchu

Pt:2 Pretty (Kaz x fem!reader)

Summary: Kaz comes back concussed and says some interesting things in your care.

Trigger warnings: talks about slavery, violence, implied SA, injuries, a concussion

Fire graced the papers on the sidewalk as the deafening taps of Kaz's cane moved down the cobblestone path. He stopped in front of a man who was badly injured.

Kaz had hunted every individual that helped with your capture. This was the second to last name on the list. Each bullet had a name carved on it, a ritual that you taught him. "When you put their name on a bullet, it makes it so the last thing they feel is the damage their name caused" you said to him.

"You know, it's crazy" he said, using his foot to roll the injured man onto his back. The man yelped. "That you thought you could hurt one of my men and get away with it." Kaz said, looking at the man like dirt that had gotten on his shoe. "We were just doin' what we were paid to do!" The man groaned out. Kaz let out a humorless chuckle. "Is that so? So repeatedly torturing my crow was a part of the plan, hm?" He asked. "We were just--" Kaz kneeled to look in the man's eyes. "No excuse will save your pathetic life." Kaz snarled. He cocked the pistol in his hand, the man whimpering in fear. "You will never hurt anyone else again."

A loud shot rang out through the streets, you leaning up from your bed. Lev lifted his head, looking at you. You couldn't help but think that that somehow had to do with Kaz. You decided it was better to check, getting out of bed and sliding on a coat and boots, arming yourself before walking out. You'd have to be a fool to walk the streets of the Barrel unarmed, especially at night.

You walked to Kaz's home, knocking on the door. Kaz opened it, you looking at him. "You answered quickly." You said. "I was in the study." He shrugged. "In your coat?" You asked, walking in. He sighed, closing the door. "That gunshot I just heard, was that you?" You asked. "Yes" he said. "Why did you shoot someone?" You asked. "Territory issues." He shrugged. "If it was a territory issue, Inej, Jesper or me wouldn've gone with you." You said with a sigh.

"It was a simple done deal. There's nothing to worry about, the man is dead, the message has been sent." Kaz said, sitting down. You sighed. "Did you come here to pester me?" He asked. "I came to make sure you were fine." You said, sitting across from him. Kaz sighed. "I'm alright Y/n. Even better after I put a bullet in a man's head." He said. You heard a siren and you sighed. "Was that all you did?" You asked. Kaz looked at the floor vacantly. "He shouldn't have been playing with fire."

You leaned back, Kaz looking at you. He noticed dark bags under your eyes. "Are you sleeping well?" He asked. "That obvious?" You asked. "You have darker bags than mine." He said making you chuckle. "Lev helps... It's just.. hard. Sleeping in that house." You muttered. Kaz looked at you concerned. "You know that you can stay here." He said. "I don't want to put you out." You said. "You wouldn't be." He assured. You seemed to be afraid of the idea.

"If you don't feel comfortable doing that then it's alright." Kaz assured. You sighed, running a hand through your hair. "It's not that it's... I've started screamed when I wake up." You said. Kaz rose a brow. "You have night terrors?" He asked. "I've always had them... It's the downfall of being indentured. They've just have gotten worse since... everything." You muttered.

Kaz had never heard you actually talk about your past as a slave. Kaz had pulled you out of that shitty life and because of that, you were grateful. You went to great lengths for him, basically becoming his right hand man. You trusted him. You'd follow him into hell if he asked.

"I don't mind dealing with that." He said softly. Your gaze softened, and you sighed. "Where are your blankets?" You asked. "Why?" He asked. "I need one to sleep." You said confused. "The bed has one." Kaz said. "I'm not sleeping in your bed Kaz, then I'd actually put you out." You huffed. "We can share it, genius. I don't mind unless you do." He said. "No I don't mind but--" "Perfect, come." He said walking. You sighed. For someone who was known to be a greedy bastard, he was shockingly generous.

You followed him, seeing the home he assembled. It was dark, lot of darker colors like crimson and brown wood paneling aligned the wall. You walked into his room, Kaz just casually removing his shirt as he walked in. Typical responses would've involved you looking away but he had done this plenty of times that you didn't bat an eye. He'd often call you in while he washed himself off, telling you plans as he did so.

You'd play the part of pretending that it was just normal procedure but your heart always did backflips as you saw him. You took off your jacket, putting it on a chair and setting your boots on the floor. Kaz looked over his shoulder as he changed. You noticed something on a table in the room, walking over to it, Kaz heard your footsteps but said nothing.

The paper was a list. Names had been crossed off, all them being people amongst the Dime Lions. It felt like you had the air leave your lungs from shock. "You killed them?" You asked. Kaz's movement ceased. He slowly looked at you holding the list. "I didn't want them going after you again." Kaz said.

You looked at him concerned. "You could've gotten killed Kaz!" You said, looking at him. "I wanted you to feel safe." He said calmly. "Kaz- you fucked with a rival gang-- What if they kill you!?" You asked panicked. "I am fine" He assured. "But what if-" "I am fine." He said, looking at you.

He was closer now, you could feel his breath. "They can't hurt anyone again. That is what matters." He said softly. "But what if you had gotten hurt?" You asked. "I didn't get hurt." He said. "Kaz-" He put a hand on your cheek, your hand holding the list dropping. You looked in Kaz's eyes.

He was so gentle with you, it didn't make any sense. Nothing made sense anymore. Not since you were bought out of slavery with Inej. You could remember when you walked out the pleasure house for the first time after your freedom.

Granted Ketterdam always had that cloudy smog hanging over the city, it felt like you had stepped out into the light for the first time. Kaz saw the relief on your face. It looked as if you had the weight of the world suddenly lifted from your shoulders.

There was a crack of thunder that made you both realize the closeness. You backed up, clearing your throat. "Thank you... For... This." you said holding up the list. "They deserved it." Kaz said, returning back to his typical demeanor. You nodded mindlessly.

You set the list back down and sat on the bed, looking around. You had probably stood in this room dozens of times but not once had you actually examined it. "You really like the dark, don't you?" you asked. "Hides the monsters you can see in the light." he said laying down. Such an odd statement but one that made sense to you.

Children often slept with lights on to keep the monsters in the dark at bay, yet as you got older you got used to your demons being there. You just didn't want to see them anymore. Kaz sat on the other side, climbing into bed. You seemed to hesitate but eventually laid down.

Hours passed with you staring at the ceiling. Kaz, unbeknownst to you had also been awake, staring at the wall. Sharing a bed was a bigger challenge to him. It was especially harder because he actually cared about you.

He had been listening to your breathing the entire time, not one moment had passed where he lost track of your breaths. You rolled over, looking at Kaz's back. You could tell he wasn't asleep then, noticing the shallow breaths of an awake man. "Can't sleep either?" you asked quietly. Kaz rolled over to face you.

"It appears insomnia has caught the best of me." He lied. You chuckled, looking at the ceiling. "It's hard to share a bed for me too," You admitted. "I uhm... I usually was forced to share. So..." your voice trailed off. "I can move-" "No! no I didn't mean it like that. I just.." You sighed. "I'm not used to being in a bed with someone I don't hate." you said.

Kaz put his hand over yours. "I hope you don't hate me." He said softly. You gave the sweetest smile that melted Kaz's heart. "I could never hate you." You said. "If only you knew" he thought to himself. "The blood on my hands, the horrible things I've done would make you hate me"

You held his hand, looking at him. You could see Kaz's mind wandering, something you had seen occasionally. Despite the many beliefs that people had over him, Kaz was human just like anyone else. He had fears, he had insecurities. Yes, he was a cocky asshole at times but he was like that to survive. You knew inside Kaz had to be scared. Because truth be told, you were too.

You fell asleep just like that. Your hand in his. When you woke up, you heard frantic knocking. Kaz, who clearly wasn't a morning person grumbled as he got dressed and went downstairs. You tiptoed down the stairs to hear the conversation.

"What Jesper?" He asked with a flat tone. "It's Y/n, she's missing!" He said frantically. You cracked a small grin. "She-" "I went to her house to check on her because we all heard the sirens last night and she wasn't there! Kaz do you think she's okay!?" Jesper asked. "She's-" "I fed Lev, Inej is out looking-" "Jesper, she is here." Kaz said.

Jesper blinked. "What do you mean she's here?" Jesper asked. "She slept over last night." Kaz sighed. Jesper peaked behind Kaz to see the couches and saw nothing. "It doesn't look like anyone slept here." Jesper said. "She's upstairs, she's fine." Kaz sighed.

Jesper let out a sigh. "Is this your way of saying you two are finally together?" Jesper asked. Kaz said nothing, just simply closed the door in his face. Rather than knock, Jesper did that annoying thing that always worked to get Kaz to open a door. He took his index finger and repeatedly tapped loudly.

"tap tap tap"

Kaz walked towards the stairs and you slowly rose.

"tap tap tap"

Kaz stopped, sighing loudly as he marched back to the door. He opened it and Jesper had what could only be described as a "shit eating grin" on his face.

"I will take your revolvers and shoot you with them." Kaz spat. "So you two are together then? Finally! It's about time one of you said something! Inej owes me five kruge." Jesper said proudly. "We are not together Jesper, and if you wish to remain alive, you will leave." Kaz said. Then it hit him. "Wait you two have a bet going over this!?" "You know it is incredibly early, I should go. Bye boss!" Jesper said running off.

"He knows how to leave people annoyed." You said, Kaz sighing. He ran a hand over his face before looking at you." Would you like breakfast?" He asked, closing the door. You rose a brow. "Sure. Where are we going?" you asked. "I have eggs I need to use." he said, walking into his kitchen.

He looked up to see you gaping. "What?" He asked. "You're going to cook?" You asked. "Why is this a shock?" He asked, grabbing a pan. "I don't know- I just assumed you couldn't cook- I mean I can't, which in hindsight is stupid but--" "Wait." Kaz held up his hand to stop you. "You can't cook?" He asked. "No. I have a tendency to burn... Everything." You admitted. "Well, I will teach you to not do that." He said, motioning for you to stand by him. You didn't move. "What?" He asked. "Are you sure you? You seem to like your home-"

He walked over, pushing you over to the kitchen table and stood next to you. You watched him carefully as he cracked an egg. He handed you one. "You try." he said.

You hesitated but tried, some of the shell falling in. "Damn." you sighed. "Here, let me show you." He said taking another egg. He used the edge of the table to crack the egg, using his thumbs to pry it open carefully. He handed you another egg. "We're going to waste a lot of eggs." you said. "It was this or throw them at Jesper while he's not looking. Kaz teased. You chuckled. "And here I thought you liked Jesper." You said.

"Oh I do. I consider him a friend. When, y'know he's not constantly pestering me about my love life." Kaz said. You cracked the egg just as Kaz did. "See, I knew you'd get it." He said. You smiled at him as he grabbed a small jug of milk. "Milk?" you asked confused. "Makes them fluffier." he said. You grinned. "You cook often, don't you?" You asked. "Sometimes." He shrugged.

You watched him add salt and pepper mixing the eggs in a bowl. He walked to his stove, motioning for you to stand in front of it. "Kaz, are you sure you want me near fire--" "I will be right here." He said. You sighed and walked over. "Now, we're making them scrambled." He said handing you a spatula. "I will burn your house down." you warned. "Y/n." "Fine! You've been warned. Goodbye kitchen, you were pretty to look at!" you said, taking the spatula dramatically.

Kaz smiled as you watched the eggs. "What am I supposed to be doing?" You asked. "You see how it's raised right there?" he asked, pointing at an egg with a fork. "Yeah?" You asked. "The goal is for all of them to look like that." he said. "Well, I get the goal but how to do I accomplish the goal?" you asked, not removing your eyes from the pan. He chuckled, watching you stare at the pan.

"You could ease up-" "If I do I start a fire." You said. He chuckled again but picked up your hand gently. Your heart started pounding as he guided you through the process. Not a word he was saying went to you, the only thing you could hear was his breath on your ear. What you didn't realize was the angle that he was holding your hand allowed him access to feel your pulse. He rose a brow, noticing the red on your ears that typically came from you being flustered.

He said nothing though, continuing to speak. You finally tuned back in as he flipped off the stove. "And you just made eggs." He said. "I did?" You asked. He grinned at your confusion, pointing to the pan. "Holy crap I did! And your house is intact!" You said relieved. "Who was the last person to taught you how to cook?" He asked with a small chuckle. "Jesper." "That explains so much."

The two of you ate, you looking out the window. It was clear something was on your mind. "Is something wrong?" Kaz asked. "Were you finishing that list last night?" You asked. He put down his fork, looking at you. Kaz had a talent for avoiding the truth. With you though, it was almost impossible. "Yes." He admitted. You looked at him with an unreadable expression. "Did you finish it?" You asked. "Almost." He nodded.

There was a silence that seemed excruciating to him. He knew you hated when he did dangerous things alone. You knew the odds were built against the Dregs. Each time you walked out your door, there was a chance you weren't coming home. For Kaz, those odds doubled. His name was infamous to most of Ketterdam. You worried about him everytime you weren't there. "Just... stay safe. Please." You said. He nodded. You sighed. "I should go, Lev needs his walk." You said. He nodded. "If you need me-" "I'll find you." You said, that soft smile gracing your lips again.

You went home, leaving Kaz alone. Kaz had one more name on that list and he planned on crossing it off tonight. He got dressed, grabbing his cane and left.

Your day was slow. No job meant nothing to do. Lev felt boredom, that much was clear as he moped on the stairs. You would have taken him for a walk but the rain didn't seem to let up. You also hated that wet dog smell. So you settled for a book, reading quietly for a while before that even lost its entertaining effect.

You threw on a coat, walking to the club. Drenched didn't begin to describe your appearance as you came in. "How's our little Y/n?" Jesper asked. "Call me that again and that drink goes on your head." You said, sitting at the bar. "You're in a lovely mood." Jesper said. "Well, I'm ready to do a job but it's like Kaz won't assign me anything since..." You sighed. "Have you talked to him about it?" He asked. "No." You muttered. "Then how will it get fixed?" Jesper asked.

Inej walked in, sitting next to you. "Seen Kaz?" She asked. "Haven't seen him since this morning. Why, is he not home?" You asked. "He's not." She said. You rose a brow. "Jesper do you know where he is?" You asked. "...no." Jesper said with a frown. This was never a good sign. When Kaz went somewhere, at least one of you knew where he was going. Then it hit you. You knew exactly where the foolish bastard went and it was on that damn list.

The door to the club opened, Kaz walking in with blood dripping down his forehead. You stood up so quickly that the stool nearly toppled over as you rushed over. "Oh Kaz- what did you do?" You asked, looking at his wound. "You should see the other guy." He said, Jesper walking over. "Why didn't you bring one of us?" Jesper asked. "It was a one man job." He said. His speech seemed slurred. "Kaz, are you concussed?" You asked. "Nooooo! Just a little more wobbly than usual!" He said. Inej and Jesper swapped a look. "Kaz, you need help." Inej said. "Oh my gooooddd I'm fine!" He said. "Kaz, come on." You said. "Where are we going?" He asked. "To get you medical attention." You said. "Why?" He asked. "You're concussed." You said. "No I'm not" he lied.

"Oh my god he's like a giant baby" Jesper said with a chuckle. "Kaz, please just come with me." You said softly. Kaz looked at you. "Fineee. Only because it was you-" he poked your cheek making Inej's jaw drop "that asked." He said. You let out a small snort. "Come on, you big goofball." You said, carefully walking him out.

To say walking a concussed man down a cobblestone street was a challenge would be a large understatement. Kaz for some reason unbeknownst to you had his arm around you, walking like a drunk. "Kaz, are you alright?" You asked. "I am now that you're here" he said. You rolled your eyes, walking into a small (and probably illegal) clinic. "My friend needs help." You said. "What's wrong with him?" A woman asked. "I got hit in me noggin!" He said. "He's- Kaz stay over here- he's concussed." You answered, herding him back over to you after he tried touching something on the wall.

"Nikolai! You've got a patient!" The woman yelled. A man walked out. She explained the situation to him, you trying to ignore Kaz playing with your hair as they talked. "It's so soft." He would say. You looked at the doctor. "What can I do?" You asked. "Come with me, both of you." He said. You walked with Kaz who was now clinging to your side like a child. "Don't let him take off my gloves." He said. "He won't Kaz, you're just hurt is all." You assured softly.

You followed the doctor into a room. "Let me see your head." He said. Kaz held your hand as the doctor examined the gash. He hovered his hand over the wound, the cut seeming to fix himself. Kaz looked at him confused. "Now his head is mending itself. It'll probably be fixed by the morning. In the mean time, he needs to take this-" he handed you a pill "to recover. He's going to out of it for about thirty minutes and then he should fall asleep. Take it when you get home." He said. "Thank you doc." You said softly. "My head feels weirrrrrdd." Kaz said.

You took him back to his place, unlocking the door. "Alright Kaz, come on just a little further." You said, closing and locking the door behind him. He followed you to his room. "You're so good to me, it's strange." He said following you. You sat him on the bed. "Why is that strange?" You asked. "Most people hate me... if you knew the things I've done you'd hate me too." He muttered. You looked at him. "I could never hate the man that freed me." You said softly. He looked at you as you cleared your throat, kneeling to his feet.

"You're so beautiful." He said. "You're concussed Kaz." You said, removing a shoe. "No I'm seri...seri... fuck how do you say that word?" "Serious?" You asked. "Right. That one. I'm sherious." He said. You removed his other shoe. "Do you want to keep the gloves on?" You asked. "You can take them off." He said. You pulled his hands forward, taking one. His other hand drifted to your cheek. "I don't think you know how much I love you." He said. You looked up. "What?"

"You mean the world to me. Nah, the world can bite my ass. You mean the stars to me." He said. You tried to ignore him as you removed a glove. "I want to tell you that all the time but I'm scared" he said. "Of what?" You found yourself asking. "Of you leaving me." He said. He had probably never been this vulnerable with anyone. You took off the other glove, looking at his eyes. They seemed so fixated on you. You cleared your throat, pulling out the medicine. "Here, take this." You said softly. He took it, probably because you were the one that asked him.

"Lay down with me?" He asked. "Okay." You said softly. You laid down on the other side. "Closer." He said. You moved slightly. "Closer." He said again. You moved again. "Closer-" "Kaz if I move again I'm going to be against you." You said. "What if I wanna hold you? Ever think of that?" He asked. You looked at him surprised. "Kaz-" "Pleeeasssee?" He asked. You slowly moved closer snd he pulled you into his arms. Your heart was pounding in your ears. "This is how I wanna be all the time!" He said happily. He looked down at you. "I can feel your heartbeat. Are you dying?" He asked. "No I'm okay Kaz." You said softly. He nodded. "Are you comfy?" He asked. Even concussed he cared about your boundaries.

"Yes Kaz, I'm comfortable." You said with a small smile. "I like it when you smile. It's so pretty." He said. Your smile grew. "Aw, see that. That's amazing right there." He said. You looked up at him. "I love you so much." He said, burying his face in your neck. You closed your eyes. "I love you too Kaz." You said softly. "I'm tired." He muttered. "Then go to sleep." You said softly. "Promise you won't leave?" He asked. "I promise."

When Kaz woke up, he was confused by what was so warm. He opened his eyes, them adjusting to the morning light before he saw you, sound asleep in his arms. He blinked a few times to make sure he was seeing it right, which he was. You shifted before opening your eyes.

Your eyes widened and you jolted back, taking Kaz with you as you fell off the bed. "Morning to you too?" Kaz said confused. "Oh my god- I am so sorry Kaz! Are you alright? Well I'm on top of you of course you're not- Oh my god I need to get up" you rambled before standing up. "What happened last night?" He asked.

"You" You helped him up. "Had a concussion." You said. He blinked, hazy memories setting in. "Oh." He said. "You and I quote 'were hit on me noggin'. So." You quoted. "Oh. I wasn't a pain to deal with, was I?" He asked. "Well you-" wait. He didn't remember. "No, you just complimented me a bit." You lied. Kaz could tell you were withholding something. "How's your head?" You asked. "Better." He nodded. "Good. So now I can tell you how absolutely STUPID IT WAS TO GO ALONE!" You said. Kaz jumped. "Even if you wanted to protect me, you should've taken Inej or Jesper or hell borrow my dog! Don't go alone again!" You said.

"Y/n I'm fine--" "Coming back concussed does not constitute as fine!" You huffed. "The job is done, what is the big deal!?" Kaz asked, getting up. "You could have died Kaz. We could've lost you- I could have lost you!" You said. "Y/n I'm fine, I'm alive, I'm okay!" He said. "I can't lose you Kaz!" You finally said.

Memories of the night flooded back. "...Oh." he realized. "I care about you too much-" "You love me." He realized. You looked at him shocked. "I-I" "and I told you that I loved you." He said. You looked at the wall, tears of frustration building in your eyes. "Y/n... I understand that I was reckless and I'm sorry. I know you love me too much to see me hurt." He said. You swallowed the lump in your throat. "But I love you too." He said, stepping towards you. You stepped back with your eyes wide. "I-I can't Kaz." You said. He looked broken down.

"If you knew the things that I've done-" "I love you regardless Y/n." He halted. You looked scared. "But what if I'm too much- what if-" he held your hands. "You could never be too much for me Y/n." He assured. Tears flooded your vision. "Why can't I say it?" You asked. He chuckled. "You don't need to." He said softly. "I-I want to" you said. "Kaz I-" you hesitated, though you didn't know why. "I-I" you could feel his breath as his lips hovered over "I love you" you said softly.

He kissed you, you melting in his arms as he did. He had never felt such intense happiness before. You pulled away looking at him. "Is something wrong?" He asked softly. "No, I just... I want to remember this." You said. He smiled kissing you again.

The next day, you sat next to Inej in the club, Jesper drinking beside her. "So was taking care of Kaz difficult?" Inej asked. "No, though he did stare at a painting for a bit." You said with a shrug. "He was out of it when he was here." Jesper said. "Oh it was even worse at the doctor's office. He told them he 'got hit in his noggin'." You said making Jesper laugh. "Oh I would've paid to have seen that.

Kaz sat next to you and you smiled. "Hi." You greeted. "Hello." He said with that same smile. Inej and Jesper both looked at you. "Alright, so you two definitely fucked." Jesper said. You choked on your drink. "By the saints Jesper!" You coughed. "Nah, something is going on here. You two have got that look." Jesper said. "Jesper, were you perhaps dropped on your head as a child?" Kaz asked. "No! At least not that I'm aware- forget that! I'm telling you, come clean now and it'll be easier later." He said. "We literally have no clue what you're talking about." Kaz said. "No, it's other wise you two did something or I'm drunk!" He said. "Jesper you've had six drinks. You're drunk." You said. "Nooo- well maybe... shit maybe I am drunk." He said making you laugh. "Mm. I have a job I need to discuss with you." Kaz said. "Kay." You said, following him.

Kaz closed the door to his office behind him. "So did you actually have a job or did you just want to see me?" You asked. "Hm. Which would you like better?" He asked, pulling you close. You smiled, kissing him. He smiled against your lips before stopping. "Hello Inej." He said, looking past you. "So Jesper was right" Inej said making you jump. Kaz kept his hand by your waist. "Mhm. Though we're not letting him know that, we'd never hear the end of it." Kaz said. "Oh I agree. Though I never thought you two would sort your shit out long enough to actually be together." Inej shrugged. "Rude." You said. "Well I'll leave you two to do... whatever it is you were doing. Just... try not to leave the office too wrecked or else Jesper will actually figure it out, regardless of alcohol consumption. "Inej said, walking out.

You let out a small laugh and Kaz wrapped his hands around your waist with a smile. "Do me a favor?" He asked. "Anything." You said softly. "Lock the door"

[auroravictorium]

karma (k.b.)

trick me once, trick me twice. don't you know that cash ain't the only price?

Summary: kaz gets his first piece of information about reader's whereabouts, and pekka gets his revenge; inej makes a pivotal discovery, and kaz vows to kill pekka rollins. Pairing(s): kaz x fem!reader (established relationship) Word Count: 3.8k Warnings: moderate violence [choking, breaking bones, punching, kicking], mentions of blood, mentions of killing (in the context of a threat), violent!kaz (but not as violent as he could be, y'know)

Genre: angst + action

Author's Note: another beast of a part for you guys!! i hope you all enjoy, and thank you to everyone for your kind words!! you're all so sweet i'm sobbing - promise we're gonna get a reunion between kaz and reader soooooooon! then some fluff hehe.

grishaverse masterlist

"I asked around," Nina said quietly, just for Kaz to hear as they stood behind a crumbling chimney atop a bank in the Financial District. It wasn't far from where Y/N was taken, and with this view, Nina couldn't blame Jesper and Inej for losing sight of the mercenaries. In the tangle of Ketterdam streets, it was too easy for them to get away. "Only three mercenary groups based in Kerch use ether."

"Which groups?" Kaz said, peering around the chimney and glancing at his pocket watch. Pekka Rollins's closest financier should be coming up for his hourly smoke anytime now, and Kaz was growing impatient. Not that he had much patience in the past three days, most of it shot by worry and an inability to stop wondering if you were still alive. He knew Pekka Rollins; he wouldn't choose a mercenary group that wasted time.

"-And the-Are you even listening to me?" Nina said, cutting herself off and looking at him with a raised brow. Her unimpressed look softened when she saw his pursed lips: his only tell that he was somewhere else, probably thinking about Y/N. "Kaz. We're going to find her."

Kaz turned and masked his concern with a scowl. "Of course we will. That's why we're here," he said sharply. She's in this mess because of me. The thought had plagued him since Inej and Jesper told him you were gone; finding you was the only way he could fix this. He wouldn't accept any alternative. "Which group uses ether the most?"

"They call themselves the Dykhaniye." Nina closed her eyes and felt for nearby heartbeats; none, except for Kaz's. "Wylan said ether is highly flammable. As far as anyone has heard, they're the only ones able to use it successfully without any significant losses on their end. Others have tried, but..." She shook her head to clear her thoughts. She didn't want to think about what ether was doing to Y/N. Difficulty breathing, fatigue, vomiting... Nina knew Y/N was strong but didn't know how long she could survive being repeatedly poisoned.

"We need to find where they're based. That's where they'll have taken her." Kaz clutched onto his cane and fought to keep his breathing steady. Nina's wording was deliberate. No significant losses on their end. If they found Y/N, what state would she be in? Would they kill her, or would exposure to the ether do it? "I'll send word to Inej."

"She's already investigating leads." Nina held up a hand, silencing Kaz as he opened his mouth to question how, exactly, Inej could already be investigating leads if Kaz had just heard this information. Nina tilted her head toward the door and mouthed, Later.

Fine. Kaz would question why he didn't hear about this first once he was done beating the shit out of the financier. Get the information, ask Inej what she knows, and find Y/N. He snapped his mouth shut and angled his head, listening as the door to the roof creaked open. The metal hinges squeaked terribly, grating Kaz's ears and making Nina cringe. 

The door creaked shut, and Kaz heard footsteps approaching the edge of the roof. Nina raised her hands, already feeling for the man's breathing. It came to her as naturally as wind to sails, and she started to curl her fingers.

Kaz held up a finger. Wait. He glanced around the side of the chimney and watched the man next to the decorative metal fencing along the roof's edge. It was rusted, and pieces flaked off as the man lit his first cigarette, inhaled deeply, then tapped the ashes off using the fence.

He puffed away, looking over the city, and Kaz lowered his finger. 

As the man inhaled, Nina clenched her fist.

The financier choked on the smoke and dropped the cigarette from his mouth. His hands went to his throat, and he stumbled back from the metal fence. He hacked and coughed, tipping forward until he sank to his knees. As his lips turned blue, he swung his head wildly from side to side to look around for anyone who could help.

Instead, he found Kaz, who had no intentions of helping the man get back to his smoke break. Vengeance burned in those icy blue eyes, and the man gaped in fear like a fish pulled from the sea.

Kaz brought his cane down on the man's skull. The man's mouth moved like he wanted to cry out, and he slumped to the side onto the rough surface of the roof. Blood seeped down the man's temple, and a sick satisfaction ran through Kaz, fueling his wrath and setting him ablaze from the inside out. He hauled the financier back to his knees with a gloved hand on the man's collar, then started dragging him toward the teetering metal fence.

The man writhed underneath his grip, his hands going to Kaz's wrist and pulling, trying to pry his fingers away. But Kaz's grip was as unbreakable as his determination to bring Ketterdam to its knees until he found Y/N, and he had no problem destroying this man and this city if it meant making sure you were safe.

Kaz positioned the man so he hung partially over the fence, his face turned to the streets below. Nina released her grip on the man's lungs enough for him to breathe some air but not enough to scream or make much noise. The man went slack once he could gasp, but Kaz wasn't foolish enough to release him.

"I'm only going to ask this nicely once," Kaz hissed, leaning in so his voice was a terrible, dangerous whisper in the financier's ear. His eyes glinted in the setting sun, the icy blue color turning a sinister shade of orange as his irises caught the sun's fading rays. "Pekka Rollins paid off mercenaries recently. How much did it cost?"

Nina stayed behind the chimney, giving Kaz the space to work, but she peeked at the man as he gasped for air. His heart raced against his ribcage fast enough to make her want to wince, and his lungs strained with the effort to keep up with his panic. Saints, Kaz was trying to send this man into heart failure before getting any answers.

"I can't-" the man wheezed through blue lips, "tell you." His face throbbed as gravity forced his blood to his head, and his breathing trembled.

Kaz pushed the financier further over the barrier, which creaked dangerously under the man's weight. "You can, and you will," Kaz said. He jerked his chin toward the street below, filled with passersby on their way home for the evening or to the East Stave for some debauchery to relieve the workday's stress. "Or I just might lose my grip." 

"He'll kill me," the man whimpered. He coughed, and his mouth tasted like copper. "He said he'd kill me."

"I think you're worried about the wrong person." Kaz kicked the metal fence, and the segment beneath the man buckled. The financier cried out as he hung over the alleyway, supported only by Kaz's grip on his collar. He finally seemed to realize that Kaz intended to let him hurtle off the roof headfirst if he didn't get answers, and he sobbed a quiet plea for help. Nobody looked up, the sound muffled by a twitch of Nina's fingers. 

"How. Much," Kaz pressed. His arm was beginning to strain from holding the man up, and his leg was none too pleased with the exertion required to keep his weight steady on the roof's edge. 

"Two million kruge," the man sobbed. "Mercenaries wouldn't accept anything less."

Kaz tilted his head. "Is he telling the truth?" he said too calmly, the question intended for Nina. He could feel her eyes on him, on his complete indifference to the man's desperation to survive. But this paled in comparison to what Kaz wanted to do in revenge for your kidnapping. 

Nina winced, though Kaz's tone was outwardly neutral. She peered at his face. His expression bordered on bloodthirsty, and Nina swallowed. "Yes," she said softly.

Sometimes it was easy to forget how Kaz got his reputation, especially when Nina saw him around Y/N. He was always kind with her, as tender or gentle as a man with such sharp edges could be, and he never responded to her with anything other than a racing heart or caught breaths. 

Kaz loved Y/N, whether he admitted it to himself or not, and Nina's ability to hear the signs made her forget that he could be like this. And he would if it meant keeping his Crows secure, his business intact, Y/N alive and safe.

Kaz surveyed the man's face, the tears in his eyes, and his moving lips as he murmured prayers to his saints. He considered Nina's confirmation of the financier's truthfulness, yet how easy it could be to throw this man off the roof and be done with it. It would be merciful compared to what Kaz wished he could do to this man for his role in your kidnapping, enabling Pekka Rollins to hire the mercenaries.

Chances are, the financier didn't even know your name. It wasn't in his purview.

Kaz clenched his jaw. This man's death could send a message and make it clear that Kaz would only do worse until he got the information he wanted. He could cause terror, drive the Dime Lions out of hiding and force someone to yield information. It was what Pekka Rollins would do if Kaz had inflicted the magnitude of pain that Rollins had.

His brother. His childhood. His Crows. His love.

He jerked the financier upright once more, and the man let out a sob that Kaz cut off as he shoved the man away from the roof's edge. The man rolled a few feet away and stopped at the bottom of the chimney, crying and mumbling prayers into his palms. 

Kaz crossed over to him in two long strides and brought the blunt end of his cane down on the man's ribcage hard enough to fracture bone. Nina winced when she heard the crunch, pressing herself into the side of the chimney; the cold seeped from the bricks into her back, and she squeezed her eyes shut.

"Which group of mercenaries did Rollins need the money for?" Kaz growled. He moved the tip of his cane to an unbroken rib and leaned just enough weight on it that the man choked on another cry. 

"The Dykhaniye," the man wailed. He'd given up on trying to conceal information from Kaz Brekker, who knew exactly what buttons to push to get what he wanted. "I don't know what he wanted with them." He turned his head to the side and spat to clear his airway, creating a mess of blood and tears down the side of his face and on the ground.

Kaz lifted his cane, and the man immediately tried to wriggle away from him as if he could get far enough to be out of reach of the crow-headed cane. "That wasn't so difficult, was it?" Kaz said. He tossed a wad of kruge at the man's battered chest, and the bills scattered across the rooftop on a light breeze. "For your trouble."

It was mocking, but he could have done much worse. If the financier had any sense left, he would take the money and get the hell out of the city before Pekka Rollins caught wind of his men breaking under threat from Kaz Brekker.

He turned and caught Nina's gaze. Giving her a curt nod of thanks, he spun on his heel and went for the door leading off the roof. She rushed to follow, sparing a short glance at the sobbing man next to the chimney. "You were right," he said quietly. It was the closest he would get to approving of her telling Inej of her suspicions before him. "Now, we wait to hear what Inej knows."

-

Your head snapped sharply to the side as Pekka Rollins cracked his knuckles across your cheek. Pain blossomed across your jaw, throbbing hard enough to rattle your teeth, and you bit your tongue to silence your cry. Every breath you took stung your lungs, and your chest struggled to rise and fall against the pressure of your broken ribs. 

You fought to stay upright, forced to shift your knees against the hard ground without using your hands to balance. Your right knee scraped harshly against the stone floor, and the pain was worse than anything Rollins had done to you. It shot up and down your leg like a strong electric shock straight to your nerves, and it took everything you had to not let a sob of agony cross your lips. 

Breathe. Let the pain out through your lungs. You forced a trembling breath in and out, trying to imagine the pain in your body turning to mist. You thought of the low clouds that lingered in Ketterdam during the summer, how they occasionally brought cool breezes along to soothe the sweating inhabitants of the city. 

It had been days since you'd seen the sky, and thinking of Ketterdam's consistently gray skies brought you a unique mix of pain and comfort. What you would give to be under the clouds with the breeze on your skin.

If you got out of here alive, you would never again take the sight of the sky for granted.

When. When I get out of here.

"I'll ask you again," Rollins said, pacing before you like a predator cornering its prey. His hair drooped in his face, and the front of his clothes was stained dark with broth. There was a slice across his cheekbone from a shard of porcelain, and blood was smudged across his knuckles and fingertips. Yours and his. He looked nothing more than the scum he was, with any semblance of composure or pride wiped from his face as you refused to break under his fists. "Why did Brekker want those documents?"

You spat at his feet. Blood splattered the hem of his trousers and his polished shoes, but the wicked satisfaction wasn't worth a slap jerking your head to the other side. This time, a soft groan of pain slipped out. Your cheek throbbed, and you swiped your tongue across your dry lips as you panted. In. Out. Keep breathing.

You could do this. You could keep fighting long enough to make a plan. The mercenaries had long since left the two of you alone; all you had to do was get past Pekka, swipe the knife from his belt, and saw away at the rope binding your wrists. If they hadn't dragged you up a flight of chipped stone stairs and away from your cell, you would consider using a shard from the bowl you'd shattered; if you made it back down, you would be sure to pocket one. Use what you have.

Pekka leaned down and grabbed your chin, forcing you to look up at him. "You're making this harder than it needs to be, lass," he snarled. "Perhaps I should have passed you over to the Stadwatch. You've killed a fair share of my men, and murder can be a serious charge if I want it to be."

"Then do it," you spat. Blood dripped down your lip, and you considered spitting it in his face. You didn't bother licking it away, unwilling to let him see how much the metallic taste in your mouth bothered you. "Why waste your time?" 

"Because you're valuable to Brekker, stupid girl." Rollins laughed, a grating, taunting sound that sent a shiver down your spine. You flexed your fingers, wishing you could wrap them around his throat and strangle the sound out of his lungs. All of this is because Kaz poses a threat to his business. 

But there had to be more. There had to be something Kaz hadn't told you.

No. Save the doubt for later. 

Pekka kicked you in the ribs, knocking you back into the wall. Fiery pain rushed to your chest, and whatever air you'd gathered slipped past your lips in a soft wheeze. Your back ached from its collision with the stone wall. Everything hurt, and you weren't sure you could stand.

A bloody cough slipped past your lips, and tears welled up in your swollen eyes. You wished you could wipe them away, avoid showing Pekka Rollins how weak you were feeling. But you were powerless to stop them, and you had no choice but to lean your head back against the stones and squeeze your eyes shut. Stop crying. Breathe.

Breathing could only get you so far.

Pekka turned and slammed his fist against the heavy oak door keeping you inside this room with him. Inside this damn warehouse, from what you'd gathered on your straggling, painful walk up from your cell. You wished you had the strength to attack Pekka while his back was turned, but you could only bring yourself to open your eyes as the door opened and two of the mercenaries entered.

Sergei and Fjerdan Asshole. Just the people you wanted to see.

You glowered at them as they jerked you to your feet, and Sergei only gave you an unpleasant smirk. Another cough bubbled up in your chest as the mercenaries hauled you toward the door, filling your mouth with blood. You glared at Pekka Rollins as you passed him, and he looked back at you smugly.

"I can't wait until Brekker sees what I've done to you," he drawled, following you to the office door. "His rage will make it even more satisfying when I kill him."

When I kill him.

Something hot and red and destructive washed over you. Every ounce of pain in your body seemed to temporarily numb, yielding to the pure wrath burning beneath your skin. You would bear as much pain as Pekka Rollins gave you, the bruises and cuts and broken bones. But you would make sure there was nothing left of him, the Dime Lions, or Ketterdam if he went after Kaz; losing Kaz was a pain you refused to bear.

You looked over your shoulder at Rollins, piercing him with a simmering glare that would have made anyone else shrink back. "You have a spot of blood on your tie," you snarled. Then, you spat your mouthful of blood in his face. 

Rollins reeled back with a roar of outrage, wiping away the blood but only succeeding in smearing it through his beard. A murderous look filled his eyes, but he didn't have enough time to act on it before the mercenaries shoved you out of the office and toward the dark stairs leading to the warehouse basement.

-

Inej darted up the stairs to Kaz's office, panting and shoving past meandering Dregs coming out of their room for an early breakfast. She swung around the corner and pushed open Kaz's door, nearly hitting Jesper. He jumped out of the way and surveyed her disheveled state, opening his mouth to, presumably, ask what happened.

She dropped a stack of papers on Kaz's desk and leaned against the chair across from his to catch her breath. "Straight from the office of Pekka Rollins," she gasped, holding her side. "The Dykhaniye are based in Zierfoort. They own every warehouse complex in the city as a front for their operations. That's where they took her."

Kaz immediately shoved his map to the side and started flipping through the papers, glancing up at Inej. "How? I told you not to risk it." He jerked a transaction list free from the stack, and his icy eyes scanned it for any precise information. Which warehouse, which side of the city, anything that might expedite their search for Y/N. "Jesper, the carriage. Now."

"On it, Boss." Jesper gently squeezed Inej's shoulder on his way out. She squeezed his wrist in thanks. "Good job," he whispered. He left the office, and his thundering footsteps rattled the floorboards as he moved down the stairs.

"Wylan staged a distraction. The grunts around the perimeter of the Emerald Palace had to go investigate an explosion on one of their ships in Fourth Harbor." Inej straightened up and searched Kaz's face. "I shouldn't have gone without letting you know, but she's my friend, Kaz. I can't sit idly knowing I could have done something to stop this."

"There was nothing you could have done," Kaz said quietly. He stood and rolled the papers up, stuffing them in the inner pocket of his coat. He met Inej's gaze, and she was relieved to find no anger there. None directed at her, anyway. "Pekka had this plotted out for months. They found servant stairwells that we thought were blocked off, and he hired the best mercenaries that kruge could buy."

Kaz didn't blame Inej or Jesper. He blamed himself entirely. I was the one who put her at risk. I let her become my weakness, and she's paying the price. He grabbed his cane and a pistol from some hidden spot beneath his desk and spun the latter in his fingers.

Inej examined Kaz's face, searching for any hint of a contradiction to his words. When she found none, her shoulders loosened. "I'll get Nina and Matthias. Wylan is already downstairs." 

"Matthias and Wylan stay. They'll watch over the Club and the Slat until we return." Kaz grabbed his hat, stared at it for a moment, then put it back down. You were the last to wear it when you used it as a disguise to get him breakfast on his birthday. It reminded him too strongly of you, of his failure to say what he longed to say before the bank job. 

You expressed your love for him so often and so carefully that he wondered why you woke up every day and still chose him, when he could barely tell you that he cared without choking on his past. Would you still choose him when all of this was said and done? Would you realize that he was at fault for this, that he was nothing more than a shell of a man, too haunted, too broken, too bruised, who brought pain to anyone who dared to get close?

Kaz blinked back to the present, pulling himself from the color of your eyes, the memories of his fingers clasping your favorite necklace around your neck. "Let's go," he said quietly, ignoring Inej's concerned look. She'd probably said his name a few times. He didn't care. "It's a day's trip to Zierfoort."

And he stalked out of the office, leaning heavily on his cane and pondering how it would feel to finally kill Pekka Rollins.

TAGLIST: @tonberry-yoda, @b3kk3r-by-br3kk3r, @futurecorps3, @statsvitenskap, @sapphiccloud, @casualladyinternet, @d34drapunzel, @noctemys, @whitejxsmine, @so6, @franzelt, @ell0ra-br3kk3r, @marlene-the-witch, @thestudiouswanderer, @lyjen, @rideacowb0y, @weasleybuns, @dal-light, @mariatpwk, @dreammgc, @elysian-chaos, @breadbrobin,@poppyflower-22, @halfofagayallofaqueer, @battleraven, @amarokofficial, @tenaciousperfectionunknown, @poppyflower-22, @madnessinwrighting, @ponyboys-sunsets, @circus-of-thoughts, @empresspenguin, @mediocrestuff, @stonksman8, @alanis-altair, @thefandomplace, @alohastitch0626, @the-royal-paintbrush, @just-here-for-ff, @whos6claire, @jodiereedus22, @be-lla-vie, @despoinapav05, @arianyo, @willowpains, @geekmom3

[evellynssocbrainrot]

An Important Notice

Almost every time I read a fanfic or see what people say on Tumblr and Pinterest, Inej is perceived as this perfect angel with no flaws and Kaz is the one who needs fixing.

This is really annoying.

Listen, people, Inej is amazing, don't get me wrong. She's one of the best characters in all of literature and I look up to her as a role model, but she's not perfect. She is not a saint or an angel, she's a human. Even she can be stubborn and arrogant from time to time. Let's not forget how she doubted Wylan's demo ability at the beginning of SOC. Her line, "I will have you without your armor, Kaz Brekker, or I will not have you at all," is iconic and I understand the meaning, but it's still a bit hypocritical when you think about it. She's telling Kaz to make himself vulnerable but it's not like she's that open about her own vulnerabilities either.

As for Kaz, the poor baby is almost always painted in the wrong light. He's the one with all the flaws, the one who doesn't deserve anything but misery, and the one who needs fixing. Even if he's just a character, I feel bad and think perhaps sometimes the Grishaverse fandom isn't fair to him. In the books, Kaz told Wylan how he shouldn't feel ashamed of his disability, VERBALLY said that he wanted to give himself up for the Crows, and didn't allow Jesper to use Parem even though it was a very efficient way to gain the victory. He even gave Nina Matthias's share of the kruge despite having the option to take it for himself.

And for Inej, the sweetheart did as much as he could. 😭

He was dead set on saving her at the beginning of CK and stopped at nothing until she was with him again. And his line, "I would have come for you, and if I couldn't walk, I'd crawl to you." He said he would crawl, CRAWL!! Fucking crawl to her, and knowing Kaz, he so would if he had to. And then he liquidated all, not some, all of his assets, every single cent, he gave it all up for her. To fully free her from the Menagerie. In the end, he bought her a ship, found her parents, and even went as far as taking off his gloves and holding her hand for a long time IN PUBLIC!!!! At the harbour where anyone could see. In fact, he's the reason why she's where she is in the first place. He got her out, gave her a knife, and made her dangerous. He gave her the freedom to grace the rooftops in the dead of night and haunt the streets. He gave her the option to leave if she wanted. HE LOVED HER TO THE POINT WHERE HE LET HER GO BECAUSE HER HAPPINESS AND DESIRES MATTER MORE TO HIM THAN HIS OWN!!!

He's not that bad okay. I know he's very flawed and traumatized, but he's got a very big heart, he just doesn't show it. He gave Jesper a place to go, provided Wylan with protection, and allowed Nina and Matthias to reunite. He formed the plans for the Ice Court and ended Van Eck and Pekka Rollins while doing his best to ensure that the Crows would stay alive. But still, he's the only one who has to fix himself. Some fans still think that he isn't worthy of Inej. Meanwhile, Inej is the perfect, flawless angel. I thought people didn't like a Mary Sue. And Inej isn't a Mary Sue, she has flaws, she has weak points, and she has things that she needs to work through as well.

For those of you who read all this, thank you for sparing some time.

[valentinedaughtler]

Tainted Opal (Part 7)

Kaz Brekker x fem!reader

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6

T/Ws: violence, romantic feelings, blood, mild spice scenes sometimes, fem!reader and she/her pronouns, sexual abuse/trauma (not explicit)

Synopsis: You dive into your past regarding Kaz when you had just escaped your Pirate Crew. You remember him- in fact you bested him. Also some guy tries to kill you….

REQUESTS: OPEN✅

__________________________________________

Had You Met Him Before - 9

Jesper and I wandered through the snowy world that engulfed us. My face was dusted with a bright pink hue from the chilling breeze nipping at my nose. I turned to Jesper, waiting for him to elaborate on his statement from earlier.

Despite what people say, Kaz Brekker always has a reason.

"I'm not sure he likes you the way you seem to like him," Jesper says with a teasing smirk, "but I think he will come to value you as a person. Maybe you're the mysterious girl he has Inej find information on."

My eyes widened, resembling glossy marbles, as I thought about what Jesper just said.

"Okay- wait, what?" I stopped trudging through the snow and turned toward Jesper. "I mean...," I began, "I knew he had Inej find out things about people, but not because he liked a girl...? He can't even tolerate human beings as a whole.. how-," I knew I was exaderating as I blurted out all my inner thoughts to the Crow, but I couldn't help but feel my heart pounding faster.

Jesper laughed a bit, he seemed to be enjoying my reaction. His eyes softened and he sighed, putting up his hands defensively.

"I dunno anything for sure, but Inej had told me there is a girl that Kaz has her keep tabs on over the years," he shrugged and we continued our chilly walk. I let out a huff of cold breath, it looked like a white mist as if froze in such a low air temperature. I dug my hands into the pockets of Kaz's thick jacket and blushed.

"Why do you think I'm the girl in question?" I inquired while  observing the ornate stitching of the jacket. Kaz Brekker really was a boy of sharp, tailored edges and even harsher angles. He carried himself well, and with pride. He morphed his weaknesses into strengths. The boy was a crafty crow who survived for future of sleeping on a limitless pile of Kruge, dreams filled with revenge. He seemed inhuman, his vulnerabilities buried six feet under, where he wanted Pekka Rollins to be.

"Well, I'm not sure, but from what Inej told me, you fit her description. Also, no one gets the upper hand on Kaz," he shot me a look. "He knew you were following him into that alley the night you hired him." I looked a bit disappointed, but Jesper continued. "You did a good job, you fluidly blended with crowds and made your movements natural, but Kaz has eyes everywhere." He raised his arms dramatically and spun in a circle as we walked. "He also knew who you were before you introduced yourself-"

"He knows everyone in Ketterdam, everyone with a possible motive or could be a threat, at least," I responded, attempting to process this situation with logic. Jesper nodded, but he laughed at my comment.

"Yes, but he seemed to know you better than that. He alerted Inej and I after you proposed the job in the alley that you were important." I looked at the charismatic boy with confusion as he spoke.

"No offense, but... so? I'm paying you, Kaz Brekker is probably in love with money, of course he saw me as important." I smiled awkwardly, feeling nervous as feelings twisted around my stomach like frantic butterflies.

"Boss said you were an asset, if all goes well, he'd want you to be a Crow," Jesper explained, smiling at me with care sparkling in his eyes. "He wouldn't even think to something like that unless he knew you, unless he trusted you in a way."

The sharpshooter stopped walking entirely and thought for a moment, his eyebrows creasing in concentration. I focused on the broken tree branches covered in thick layers of ice. The shimmer was similar to a white opal. I want my opal ring back, that's the only reason I'm here... I don't think I'll associate with the Crows ever again after that-

Jesper's voice broke my train of thought as he seemed to come to an epiphany. "Did you know Kaz before this, personally I mean. Did you ever talk with him before this heist?" He asked with a hand on his hip. I crinkled my face, thinking hard about it for a moment. Had I met Kaz before this? I closed my eyes and rewinded my past in Ketterdam; starting two years prior to now. I had met a few people who helped me when I first came. Those who let me steal or have temporary shelter. I helped people too, those who were in trouble or I needed to repay. I did that less now. Though, now I was less naive.

"I don't remember," I said in response, I felt tears pool on my eyes as I relived my past in my mind for a brief moment, but I sighed and looked up at Jesper. "Maybe."

He nodded, not pressing for more information. We collected more firewood before returning back to house. As we made out trek back, I noticed red splatters that hued the snow. There were only ghosts of footprints, as the constant snow seemed to cover them. They weren't too fresh. I turned to Jesper, silently gesturing to to the blood that trailed into the woods. Someone might be here. He handed me the firewood, which I set by my feet. I watched him unsheathe his dual pistols, kissing them for good luck.

We stepped slowly, preventing the loud crunch of snow condensing. The footprints we followed, along with a trail of blood, which eventually seemed more fresh. They led to the silhouette of a man laying in the snow. We looked around for a person, who may have heard us and gotten up and hid. Maybe they need help.... Or maybe they need to hurt. My eyes followed the trail of blood to a tree infront of Jesper and I. It led behind the tree and back around to us- Saints damn it all...-

A large, gloved hand grasped my face, covering my mouth, muffling screams I made. A sharp blade was put up against my throat, the smallest drip of blood running down my neck. Another hand wrapped around my wrists, restraining my movement. I saw Jesper cock his guns and point them at the figure threatening to kill me, but his eyes fell on the knife. I attempted to frantically figure out who was holding me as I stayed still, any moment of my body would cause the blade to slip deeper into my skin. I had to wait to move. The hands were too large to be Kaz's gloved fingers, and he most likely wouldn't have touched me in the first place.

"Ya' better lower your guns, kid," a heard voice with a deep accent snarl in Fjerdan. My mother used to teach me different languages back on the boat, it helped when we needed to make deals with other pirates. Jesper looked confused, not understanding what the man was asking.

"He says to lower your guns," I translated to the frustrated boy. Jesper obliged after a moment, but kept them in his hands.

"Drop them!" The man barked in Fjerdan. I didn't need to translate that for Jesper, he seemed to get the message. He let the guns fall into the thick snow as the blade broke a few more layers of the skin on my neck.

Jesper didn't know Fjerdan, he couldn't attempt to reason with the man articulately, but I could.

"What do you want?" I asked in Fjerdan, it sounded a bit awkward since I hadn't spoken it in what felt like forever. I tried not to let my voice quiver from the pressure of the knife on my throat.

"Are you witches?" The man asked me. He may be a witch Hunter; a Drüskelle. Despite my ability to help his pain, the blood the dripped from under his gloves hands into the snow, I doubt he would allow me to help him with my powers.

"No, I would have used my hands to kill you by now, if I was. He wouldn't be using guns if he was." I responded, giving Jesper a hard stare, alerting him to not move. The man stayed quiet for a moment before taking the blade off of my throat with a swift motion, causing him to slice my neck. I stifled a shriek, knowing I could heal myself soon. The gloved hands threw me at the snow close to Jesper. I stared up at him, he was tall and muscular, a scowl painted on his face, which had a thick beard. His eyes were filled with hatred, and his burley figure covered in thick layers of fur clothing. He had large gashes in his legs, hands and right shoulder, dried blood matting the fur on his coat.

"Do you have bandages?" He asked with a sharp tone, but there was a bit of desperation in the root of his voice. I did infact keep bandages on me at all times, in case my healing skills were not enough to fix large wounds, but I wasn't sure it was a good idea to help with man. I looked up at Jesper, who nudged me slightly with his foot.

I nodded at the bleeding man, slowly pulling out bandages and gauze from my corset and breast pockets. "Drop the knife," I said in gruff Fjerdan, glaring at the man with an unmatched confidence. He hesitated, but in a moment of need, the man threw the sharp, now blood-covered blade into the snow. I threw him the the supplies, allowing it to land by his feet. The man picked them up and begin to run away.  Did he forget that Jesper had guns by his feet?

Bang!

I guess he did. I watched as the man fall to the ground in a graceless position. His blood began to dye the surrounding snow red. I couldn't help but feel empathy to the Grisha killer, he was still human. I stood up, standing by Jesper, who blew the smoke away from his gun's barrel. With a nifty flick of the wrist, the pistols were re-sheathed into his pockets.

Without saying a word to Jesper, I walked up to the man's lifeless body and retrieved my medical supplies.

"I didn't know you spoke Fjerdan," Jesper called from behind me. He didn't sound surprised, maybe just a bit amused. I patted down the fresh corpse for any more useful materials, finding a compass, a few more blades, and a deck of cards. I pocketed them in Kaz's coat before walking back up to Jesper, who was holding the firewood we placed down earlier.

As we began to walk back in the direction of the cabin, I finally responded to Jesper,

"I know many languages," my voice was gravelly, as I had not yet healed my neck. Reminding myself, I moved my fingers near one another in a fluid motion, the skin on my neck seemed to melt back together. It took a few minutes if concentration.

"You were a model student or somethin'?" Jesper said with a chuckle. I nodded, I guess I was a good student if I was the only one being taught.

We finally came back to cabin, looking chilled and exhausted. I made my way to the couch and flopped onto it. My eyes felt heavy and my joints stiff from the cold, Kaz probably felt much worse. Inej told me one time that the cold affected his bones, especially his bad leg I doubt she was supposed to tell me what though, but people trusted me easily. Even the coldest of strangers confided with me at times. Never underestimate the power of charisma; of manufactured charm.

"Where were you both?" I heard Kaz's voice ask with anger. I didn't respond, but I got up to wash the dried blood off my neck.

Jesper began reciting the full story, making me sound much cooler than I believe I was, but it made me smile. The crew watched as the animated sharpshooter retold the events with high energy. I retrieved the deck of cards out of my pocket and threw them at Kaz, who caught them without any acknowledgment of my presence.

"Let's play cards, Crows," I proposed, flashing a smile. I felt exhausted, but I attempted to lighten the mood. I turned my attention to Matthias as Kaz shuffled the cards with finesse. His gloved hands doing tricks with the aces, eyes focused.

Matthias looked stiff, it was a Fjerdan man who died today, after all. He seemed disconnected from that part of himself, but that was still his history none the less. I flashed him a sympathetic look, which he accepted with a silent nod.

I guess we never really disconnect from what we used to be, no ematter how hard we try. I look at the group before me, pretty sure we all have tried.

"Let's play strip poker-"

"Jesper, no, just normal poker-" Wylan interjected with a nervous laugh.

___________________

Word Count: 2178

___________________

How do you think Kaz and y/n knew eachother?

-Valentine

[happynowyo]

The break

Fandom: Six of Crows

Pairing: Jesper Fahey x Wylan Van Eck

Warnings: smut in general, blowjob, soft Jesper, adorable Wylan

Summary: it's been a while since Wylan and Jesper shared some intimacy as Jesper works for days and nights but they manage to find a way back to each other

Word count: 3,1k

A/n: big thanks to @ikeneasul11 and @verygaynotherapy for their help with editing.

Wylan still couldn't believe that Jesper was his boyfriend. Jesper, who was loud and funny, who Wylan had seen hundreds of times make anyone, men or women, fall in love with him, flirting like it was a second language for him. No one could resist his charms. Wylan tried not to think about why Jesper chose him when he could have had anyone in Ketterdam, instead, he tried to enjoy the soft kisses and touches between them.

They spent less and less time together lately, so Wylan shone with happiness that today Jesper agreed to not only to have dinner at the Van Eck mansion, but to cook dinner for the two of them. It reminded him of the past, of all those nights they spent together in the kitchen at the Slat.

— I love cooking for you. It's always better compared with what I do for myself. And I don't want to brag, but you're a great cook under my influence, too, — Wylan joked, smiling infectiously. — This breakfast is incredibly delicious, for example.

Jesper knew he was already running late, but he couldn't bring himself to tell Wylan and ruin their rare moment of that almost domestic routine he liked so much. He finished everything with great appetite, hardly feeling hungover anymore, and glanced regretfully at his watch before turning to Wylan.

— Will you kiss me in a way I can't forget it all day?

No matter how much time they spent together, Jesper's feelings remained the same. He still wanted to care about Wylan and make him laugh as well as bring him gifts and treat him right, the way he deserved. And it was totally mutual. Wylan tensed briefly but nodded, feeling suddenly responsible for the kiss. They'd both always been very tactile with each other, but lately every casual touch was so rare that they had become worth their weight in gold. He couldn't remember the last time they'd slept together, still, he tried to shake his anxiety off.

Wylan waited until Jesper rose from the table and took the first dozen seconds to just stare into his dark eyes, stroking his cheek and then running his fingers down to the back of his neck, pressing gently and shortening the distance between their mouths. Jesper gave in easily and confidentl, he braided his arms around Wylan's waist as their lips finally joined with a quiver. He felt the familiar softness and pushed the tip of his tongue along Wylan's lower lip, circling wetly around the outline. He took his time, deliberately going slow to catch every little detail better, and then kissed Wylan for real, lingering with their tongues, while pressing himself closer to Wylan.

— I love you very much. I always will, I guess. And I'm really glad we're still together, I don't take that for granted, just so you know, — Jesper confessed confusedly, reminding himself of a teenager, and kissed Wylan again, his fingers tangling in Wylan's hair. He couldn't stop himself, managing to slide his palm under his shirt, but then he had to force himself to pull away, catching his breath while looking into Wylan's eyes. — I have to go, — Jesper stretched out sadly, not at all convincingly.

Wylan nodded cautiously, not the least bit surprised that their happy moment was interrupted again by some business matter of all things. It was a phrase he had been hearing more often recently than the cherished "I love you," but he didn't argue, because making this displeasure known wouldn't change anything. Spoiling each other's moods early in the morning wasn't something he wanted to do.

— I'll see you later, then. I'll be home, — Wylan retorted with exaggerated cheerfulness, as if saying that didn't leave a bitter taste in his mouth, and then he kissed the corner of Jesper's mouth once more before breaking the contact and turning his attention to the empty dishes he'd gathered together and taken to the sink to wash.

Quite often Jesper didn't know what he really wanted. Sometimes he thought that if Wylan asked him to stay, he wouldn't hesitate to jump into his arms and disappear from the rest of the world. But Wylan was too attentive, too caring and too gentle to reproach him seriously. That didn't stop him, however, from being upset. Even now he somehow shamefully wanted to cry himself to sleep alone at the Van Eck mansion.

The day had flown by when he distracted himself with household chores, and in the evening Wylan greeted his partner with such enthusiasm and joy, it looked almost like they had not seen each other in years.

— I took care of all the little things. I bought some groceries, changed the bedding, sorted out a new box of books and rearranged things in the dressing room, — Wylan followed him first into the bathroom and then into the bedroom, watching curiously as Jesper changed his clothes.

Jesper listened about Wylan's day with genuine interest, mentally thankful that he didn't have to answer the same questions. Wylan had long ago accepted what Kaz and the rest the Crows did, but some things still continued to scare him for their cruelty.

— Did we need to rearrange the dressing room? — Jesper teased a little, tenderness showing in his voice.

— No, but I had to keep myself busy with something. With mum being gone to visit her aunt and you being away in the Barrel, it became kind of lonely here.

But Wylan felt way more comfortable now, no longer confined to his solitude within these four walls. He had learnt how to love this house, every inch of it was familiar, and he could blindly name the position of every little thing on the shelves, but all of that was losing its charm while being stuck here alone, as if it was his personal prison, chosen of his own will.

— You've got me in your grip and won't let me go anywhere now, I hope? — Wylan smiled playfully, taking a couple of steps backward and dropping to the bed as Jesper approached him. He was well aware that dinner would have to wait, even before Jesper brought it up. — I imagined it tonight, you know. That you wouldn't let me go again. That you'd hold me to the table, that you'd kiss me more.

Wylan didn't have time to finish because Jesper was suddenly too close, the weight of his body was the first thing he felt on him, and the next second they were already kissing, unrestrained and greedy. Wylan instantly lost all control of the situation and was seized by that vivid passion he always felt when he was too close to Jesper. A barely audible moan escaped his lips as Jesper pressed against his groin in a familiar way and tangled his fingers in his hair, pulling away slightly. Their kiss was passionate and wet, almost painful, imbued with unsatisfied desire and fear of parting.

They had seen each other in all sorts of clothes and all stages of undress. Seen in different moods: sad, angry, joyful, irritated, bored, jealous, excited and happy. Jesper was literally the closest person to him, but now Wylan had to teach his body to trust Jesper again after a long hiatus. Maybe that's why he was so blown away immediately. His body's reactions were all too vivid and eloquent, obligingly showing that their lack of touch had clearly reached a new level. Even simple kisses got Wylan so turned on that his own heart pounded in his ears, making his blood pump faster than necessary, turning the anticipation into a pleasant heaviness in his lower abdomen.

— I just… — he said confusedly, pulling his head to the side as Jesper nuzzled his neck with soft kisses. — Sometimes I feel like I miss you even when you're next to me, you know? Before… before, even after a day apart, we'd pounce on each other at the first opportunity, even after the longest day we would always find time for each other, but now I hardly see you, even though we literally sleep in the same bed. I fall asleep when you're gone and I wake up when you've already left. And I'm afraid to think about it because I don't know if it's just because we've been together for so long and our feelings are getting cold, that you find other activities more interesting than me and I have to get over it, or that something has gone wrong between us and I really have to worry about it.

— Babe, I know I've been hanging around the Barrel doing Kaz's dirty work the last few weeks, but it has nothing to do with our relationship. I swear, my feelings for you are just as strong as ever and I miss you endlessly and I think about you a lot, always, — Jesper immediately tried to reassure him, feeling Wylan's insecurities and doubts too well.

The next moment he leaned back to Wylan with another hot kiss. He didn't hold back his fervor and wasn't cautious. Quickly he pushed assertively with his tongue, getting past a row of teeth, licking greedily as he let the wet smack of their kisses spread across their bedroom. Jesper had waited too long and missed Wylan too much so he tried to show it now, by reaching down with his free palm to cover Wylan's groin, squeezing hard, as if he was checking if their reactions to each other still worked in the same way.

They had used sex for many purposes throughout their relationship: to express desire and need, to show feelings, to make amends, and to make things right after a stormy argument. Now it was a way to get back to each other and find themselves again. Jesper marked his partner's neck in the most direct way possible, thinking of how the already forming hickey would be a reminder of who really belonged to whom. He ran his tongue over the reddish patch of skin and then moved lower to leave kisses all over Wylan's collarbones.

— You're the most beautiful person to me. I love you more than anything in the world, and I want you, no, I need you to remember that, — Jesper whispered sweetly, throwing a burning gaze to his lover, and moved lower, taking the clothes off Wylan. Jesper's tongue was quickly near the perks of his nipples, while his fingers crawled slowly under Wylan's underwear.

— You are unbelievable. Just look at the effect you have on me, — Wylan's face lit up with a smile and the tips of his ears turned red with embarrassment as he impatiently pushed himself into Jesper's palm now without the barrier of clothing, showing him how ready he was.

— I don't want to watch, I want to taste. To feel you on my tongue again, — Jesper said plentifully, not even trying to hide the desire in his dark eyes.

Wylan's pants flew somewhere on the floor along with his underwear, but Jesper paid no attention to it anymore, staring admiringly at his lover's evident arousal and smiling contentedly. He was between Wylan's legs the next moment, running down a path of soft kisses on the inside of his thigh, biting playfully there only to quickly return his attention to Wylan's cock. His fingers circled the sticky head around it. The tip of his tongue collected a drop of precum, and Jesper had an extremely smug look, unashamed of anything.

— I didn't think about others during those months. Even when I got someone else's attention, I still thought only of you. You alone deserve a place in my bed, — he was being frank again, before leaving a kiss on his partner's thigh.

Pleasure overshadowed Wylan's consciousness, and Jesper's actions seemed particularly intimate and proper. Only Jesper knew all his weaknesses and was now brazenly taking advantage of them, making Wylan moan louder as well as making his hips quiver.

— You look so seductive when you're between my legs, did I tell you that? — he spoke teasingly as he squeezed Jesper's shoulder approvingly. — More, love, I need more.

Jesper slid lips over his shaft, pressing his tongue tightly against the inside, and drew his cheeks in. He was filled with a sincere joy, almost childlike, when he felt directly the way Wylan's cock trembled on his tongue. It made him want to moan even louder. Jesper deliberately chose a leisurely pace, stretching everything into a sweet, exhausting torture, and swallowed the tart taste of precum, forcing his muscles to contract for more pleasure.

It felt good to turn off his head and follow the simple mechanics of these familiar movements. His own arousal didn't go anywhere, still gathering in a tight lump in his lower abdomen. But it wasn't distracting, because now he was much more engrossed in the need to feel Wylan like this. Jesper let the hard cock go further down and waited for a while, reveling in the feeling of tightness and tension in his throat, swallowing all of his excess saliva. He knew from experience how amazing that tightness felt.

His lungs burned with fire from the lack of oxygen, but Jesper endured, finding a strange pleasure in the asphyxiation. His muscles contracted reflexively, and he knew from Wylan's long groan that he, too, felt the shudder. Only then did he gently pull away with a loud pop and coughed, finally catching his breath and looking at Wylan quite happily.

— I fucking missed moments like this, princess.

Wylan felt what was happening so vividly that he had to clutch at the sheets with trembling fingers. He opened his eyes, meeting his partner's gaze, and was ready to whimper just at the sight of him, involuntarily jerking his hips upward barely noticeably. His arousal had been put off for so long, and was therefore so heightened now, that for a second Wylan thought he would cum just from this, like a teenager, after only a few minutes of such stunning caress.

Jesper playfully left another bite on Wylan's thigh and carefully pulled him to flip him onto his stomach. Already familiar with the process, Wylan thrust his hips upward and didn't bother to hold back a surprised shriek when a hard slap reached his buttocks.

– Even if you cum now, I'll still go on, — Jesper warned as if it were meant to frighten Wylan, though his voice was too low and seductive. He added some lube to his fingers and then put two at once to the clenched ring of muscle and pressed gently. Wylan exhaled sharply, and his cheeks flushed at these words.

— My fingers don't feel as good as yours do. Nothing feels as good as you do.

The abundance of lube made it easier, and Jesper acted unhurriedly but confidently enough, moving his fingers progressively. The hot elastic muscles were slowly stretching. They clenched the phalanges within them so that the mere thought of replacing them with his cock and feeling that narrowness directly made Jesper want to reach the peak.

All of Wylan's concentration went into keeping himself from cumming, so he had no control over his moans and sighs, that burst out of him with each new movement of Jesper's fingers. Nor did he control the way his hips impatiently moved back towards his lover, trying to deepen his thrusts and get even more pleasure.

— Please, please fuck me, Jes, please, — he whimpered, arching his back harder and peering out from behind his shoulder to notice the same intense desire in his boyfriend's eyes.

— I love it when you beg. When you languish like this, all ready for me and only me, — Jesper leaned in with a chuckle and traced caressing kisses along Wylan's back, but he didn't play any more, feeling himself how hard it was to contain the acute arousal.

He pressed his fingertips firmly into Wylan's thighs, surely leaving marks for the future, but he paid no attention to them, and with a confident thrust drove his hard shaft all the way in. He froze, breathing heavily, and gave them both some time to get used to each other all over again, and then began a measured movement, steering Wylan's hips so that he was directly thrusting into him, listening to the wet slaps of skin against skin.

Wylan mumbled something between "Jess," "I love you," and "please" into the pillow and finally let out a long, hoarse moan as Jesper began to stretch the muscles inside harder, pressing on the sensitive points. His moans were still Jesper's favorite thing in the world. Addressed only to him, evoked only by him. He listened carefully to each one, memorized them again, and saved them deep in his memory, like a thief who kept his bounty. He was thankful that they had the whole house to themselves and didn't have to hold back or worry about the volume.

Jesper frankly admired the sight of his cock hiding inside Wylan's body and stroked his buttocks. He leaned lower and pressed close against Wylan's heated body, ending up with kisses near his shoulder and the curve of his neck, while the bedroom was filled with the vulgar sounds of hard thrust.

— Cum, sweetheart. Do it for me. I'll keep going and I can get you going all over again. Come on, babe, you deserve it, — Jesper allowed finally, running his palms over his partner's chest. He grabbed his nipples in between his fingers and then confidently scratched along his belly on the sensitive skin before he covered Wylan's dick with his palm, helping him loose control and get a release. Jesper pushed harder, letting a new moan come off his lips, and slapped his ass again, trying to affect Wylan's pleasure in every way possible at once.

Wylan heard these words as if it was coming through thick water, but he still could understand their meaning. He needed that permission now, and the praise that followed only added bright colors. He let go of his self-control as Jesper quickened his pace and began to push into his body harder, pushing them both to the edge. Wylan groaned, squeezing to bright colored spots under his eyes as his orgasm finally overtook him, making him clench his muscles from the inside and speed up an orgasm for Jesper as well.

There was no clear thought in his head, only a fog of tenderness and love, while a pleasant exhaustion pierced his body, and Jesper moved gently to face Wylan and pull him closer before he left light kisses on his cheeks and lips, smiling happily.

— If you're always this hot and needy after a break, I'll ask Kaz to load me up with work again before next weekend. I feel like a teenager around you, and I fall in love with you more and more every day, princess.

[wh0refornikolailantsov]

Prompt: "You’re jealous, aren’t you?”

For Nina x Reader please!!

Couldn't Love Anybody Else - Nina Zenik

Content Warnings: Insecurity And Doubt. No Beta/Proof Reading.

"I think it's best that I go," Nina tells Kaz, "we know I can be very persuasive." You smile, knowing exactly how persuasive Nina is capable of being.

"No," Kaz says plainly before looking to you, "you will go."

"Why?" You ask, and bite your tongue at the snapping rate of the question.

"Because you have the expertise to get you in," Kaz says, "and you're exactly his type."

"I resent the way you said that Brekker," Nina says. "Besides I am everyone's type."

"Nina, I need your skills elsewhere," Kaz says, "now go home, get sleep, tomorrow we have a job to do."

You know better than to argue with Kaz Brekker, but that doesn't stop Nina from trying. Once she finally exhausts herself from arguing with him, you hold the door open for her and start the short walk back.

Jesper stops you on the way, asking if either of you have recently set eyes on Wylan, Nina is uncharacteristically quiet, clearly thinking something over and over. "What dumb thing have you done now?" You ask. Jesper tilts his head side to side.

"I didn't do anything dumb," he says, and then upon some contemplation, "but I did say something dumb."

"What could you possibly say that is dumber than things you've come out with before?" You ask, trying not to let your gaze linger on Nina's blank expression too long.

"I was talking about missing Milo," Jesper explained. You nod.

"The goat," you say. Jesper rubs his neck all sheepish.

"Yeah, I am glad you recognised that, turns out that might not have been so obvious to everyone," Jesper says. You sigh.

"You didn't prefix it with, by the way I am talking about a goat?" you ask. Jesper takes his head.

"I would clip you one if I didn't think you were faster than me," you warn him.

"It's stupid, I know, and now I can't find him to explain," he says.

"I'd check the night market," you tell him. Jesper frowns.

"We have a night market?" he looks deeply unnerved.

"In the nice side of Ketterdam, he sometimes goes there when he is stressed, they make good snacks, and they sometimes import good powders," you explain. Jesper scans you up and down in a glance. "Yes, I listen to your boyfriend, now go and apologise while he is still your boyfriend."

"Received," Jesper says before dashing off into the dark.

"Dumbass," you whisper, you look to Nina, hoping for a smile, but she is scrunching up her nose in discontent. You don't try asking until you make it back into your kitchen, and offer Nina some hot chocolate. She shakes her head, not even really registering the question and that's more than enough to have you worried.

"What is it?" You ask.

"Hmm?" Nina says, looking startled out of her thoughts as she looks across the room to you.

"You don't think I can do this job?" you ask her.

"I know you can do this job," she assures you. "I don't like it any though."

"Why spend so much time arguing with Kaz, Nina, you knew it was pointless," you say, leaning against the counter.

"Had to try," she says.

"Why though?" You ask. She presses her hands together and then looks up at the ceiling, she is searching for a reason, a reason that isn't the truth, a reason that sounds more reasonable than the truth, but she fails to find one. "You're jealous, aren't you?"

You had meant about the job, about Kaz putting you in the centre, and asking Nina to pull some background tricks to keep them moving, but the second the words reach her the look of guilt on her face reveals a whole other kind of jealousy, a type you hadn't dared consider. She's jealous that you have to seduce someone as part of the job.

"No," Nina's voice is sturdy but her conviction is lacking. She won't meet your eye as she says it.

"Nina," you sound out her name soft and slow, and she quickly mistakes your empathy or pity and throws you a look. Her arms crossed across her chest and doing her best not to pout.

"Look, you don't have to look at me like that," she says, "I know it's part of the job."

"Nina, I am not looking at you like anything," you defend. She eyes you, not yet convinced. She has flirted her way through jobs before, she has flirted herself out of trouble more times than she can count. But with you it's different, because you didn't flirt for fun, or for the sake of it, you weren't like Nina and Jesper, you'd never got your kicks from watching someone else blush and buckle under the weight of your attention. Flirting was something you'd grown to do, a response to Nina and her charm, a charm that flourished your own. So the idea of Nina watching you work that same charm on someone else, it made her jealous, jealous in a way she hasn't ever really known before. But also protective.

"With your eyes like that," she waves a hand at you before returning it to her side. You've never seen Nina Zenik, Queen of Smiles and Charisma, so... unsure.

"I am looking at you the way I always look at you Nina," you tell her.

"You always look at me with such pity?" she asks. She huffs slightly, moving to cross her arms. "I had always thought it was awe in those pretty eyes of yours, but thank you for correcting me."

"Nina," you tell her, closing the space between the two of you to place your hands gently on her arms. "I never look at you with anything less than utter admiration, and complete reverence."

"Really?" she asks, smile creeping into her pout.

"Nina for a while now, I have been nothing short of ridiculously, and rather desperately, irrevocably in love with you," you say, "have I not made that abundantly clear?"

"Well," she shrugs a shoulder gently, "maybe not abundantly."

"That is on me then treasure, and all I can do is beg your forgiveness for such an egregious duplicity."

"You're just trying to distract me with words now," she teases, "keep going it's working for you."

You laugh, her arms move from being crossed to wrapping around your waist, holding you close to her, as she smiles at you, all forgiven, all argument disarmed. "You know this is just a job to me Nina," you tell her, "this will always just be a job, Ketterdam is not my home, and admittedly neither is Ravka, you are my home, and I will always return to you, you are my only loyalty."

[violetrainbow412-blog]

Trust [K. B]

Kaz Brekker x fem!reader

wc: 7.8k

summary: something goes wrong with a heist and Kaz's anger lashes out at you, only later realizing it's not for the reasons you thought.

A/N: I feel like it took me literally YEARS to write this. Someone requested the central idea but I decided to expand a bit and since in anon he mentioned that they like hurt/comfort I hope I have achieved it. I hope you like it, thanks for reading!

warnings: trauma (again)

taglist: @be-lla-vie @milkshake0 @ladespedidas

As soon as you stepped foot inside The Slat, you felt enormous relief to think that you could finally get some rest. The day before, the boss had told you that it was necessary to recover something and had drawn up a general outline of how things would be carried out, so to avoid mistakes, instead of sending just one group, the whole team would go. But at a certain point things had gone wrong and then the whole mission had gone awry. You were scared and everyone else was scared, but you knew that Kaz was probably the most upset about it. He hadn't spoken to anyone since you had to flee the mansion.

“Well, I declare that a resounding failure. Good night, my friends,” Jesper said, holding his side with a wince. Wylan was at his side to catch him in case the pain buckled his knees.

You sighed, defeated, and started walking towards the stairs to take a shower to remove all traces of dust, blood, and shame that you had impregnated on your skin, however, Kaz's cane stopped hitting you in the stomach, blocking your way and suffocating you at the same time.

"Are you crazy?" he asked, his voice raspier than usual. You asked yourself if he was referring to your plans, which he obviously couldn't know about, and why he was upset, but it didn't take anything more to get an answer, "What the fuck was that in the mansion?"

Oh, that is what he meant. 

To recap a bit, your goal that night was to recover a few bags of cash that a new gang at The Barrel had stolen but originally belonged to the Crow Club, i. e you guys. It was a payment for an exchange that Kaz had made days ago with art supplies or something, it was a business that none of you were very involved in.

The black-haired man knew the place where it was kept (he always seemed to know the whole city like the back of his hand) and so he had drawn up a pretty solid plan with which you could get away with it. Regularly his plans contemplated in the most opportune way each of your abilities: guns, stealth, the Grisha qualities, strength, chemicals, and the skills with your hands in which you surpassed the man. It was almost like something in you and your friends used to joke that your hands were a kind of magnet for everything shiny, although those same hands also worked perfectly to use a pick and give access to many places.

Things were going well that night, until you had to make a last-minute decision when you found out that an unknown person was in the place and you wanted to get them out of there so they wouldn't be in the crossfire. That was the 'certain point' I had mentioned before, where everything got screwed up. It was about a poor and defenseless servant girl who started screaming like crazy when she saw you and although you tried to calm her down that was enough to draw the attention of the guards, who came towards you to capture you. And since you were very busy struggling with two armed goons, you couldn't fulfill your part of the plan, which was to open the vault where the money that you were going to steal was. It had been a rather unfortunate chain of events.

"Kaz, you know I didn't mean to…"

"Are you deaf, then?" he interrupted you, ignoring your attempt at justification. He took a step towards you, limping a bit due to the lack of a cane, and then you could see the expression on his face.

You'd only seen Kaz this angry once and the poor man who caused it was already resting in peace, so you cringed in on yourself like a scared little bird.

"Or why didn't you do what we agreed?" you didn't know if he wanted a verbal answer, but even if he had, what could you say to that? It was more than obvious why you had done it "If there is a plan, it is because that plan must be executed as I have said, if not, then what would it be?"

"I shouldn’t…"

"No, you shouldn't," he interrupted again, speaking louder than usual to look imposing. And boy he was doing it. “That was the stupidest thing you've ever done, and all for a damn maid? What were you thinking?

"I wanted to help her"

"Oh really? And how did she thank you? Yelling at the guards to come to get you! Did you think about that before acting? Do you ever consider the consequences?” his voice didn't drop in volume, but rather rose gradually with each word that came out of his mouth.

You were in a panic, somehow strangely having the strength to meet his angry eyes, for you didn't think he would start saying such things to you in front of everyone else, who had been silent since the exchange had begun. You tried to think of anything to defend yourself, but even if you found the right argument you knew you couldn't outsource it due to nerves.

Even with your devoted silence, Kaz did not seem satisfied and he continued speaking.

“You had to follow simple orders: wait for the signal and open the vault. Everyone stayed in their positions. Was it very difficult for you to do that?”

"Kaz, I don't think…" Jesper started to say, trying to help him out of the situation, but he fell silent as he watched the black-haired boy turn his head to look at him. It was true, you guys hadn't seen Kaz in that state more than a few times and even the gunslinger, who loved you immensely, thought it wiser to keep silent if he didn't want the opponent's anger to lash out at him.

"Look at Jesper," he said close to your face. If he hadn't been so averse to touching you, you were sure he would have held your face to keep your gaze on him, because by this point your eyes were cloudy and you were trying to focus on anything other than the conversation “He's hurt. You are hurt. Imagine what would have happened if we hadn't been able to get out in time or if Inej hadn't come to your rescue, do you think those men would have tempted their hearts before killing all of us? Of course not! There's no room for charity here because until that servant was in real danger, she wasn't your problem. You behaved stupidly and those actions affected all of us” Kaz fell silent and you thought that was it. You were with your arms crossed, perhaps as an unconscious act of seeking protection, not daring to look at him.

But he took a few seconds to examine you and then said something else:

It is your fault that we are now in this state; without a single penny in our pockets.

The words your fault, and without a penny were the cause of a tug across your chest. It was useless to hold back the tears that had already treacherously begun to slide down your cheeks and that you wished you had the strength to wipe off with the sleeve of the jacket you were wearing.

In all the time you had belonged to the crows he had never spoken to you like that. There had been disagreements, of course, and he'd even called you out for neglecting some tasks he'd given you, but those kinds of hurtful words were reserved for criminals from whom he extracted information or threatened. That's why you were so upset, because Kaz was terrifying when he put his mind to it and you'd just had the misfortune to experience it firsthand.

The rest of your friends were also perplexed by what had just happened, since most of them had found your outburst in the mansion quite justifiable, since it was an innocent life that you had tried to protect, a very present code always.

The other part that had managed to break you was knowing that the man's annoyance was actually due to the money you had caused him to lose rather than the fact that you or someone else had been in danger. Or at least that was what you had understood by the final sentence.

The silence was sepulchral, no one even dared to breathe harder than usual for fear that he would take them as the next victim, and only a small sob that escaped you broke the silence. You hoped that would soften Kaz’s expression a bit, but he didn't flinch.

A part of you thought, due to shock, to apologize to him, but you weren't even able to. You just stood in the middle of that room under his questioning gaze.

When your body finally wanted to react, you walked directly to the stairs to go up to your room, without even looking back, collapsing on the floor and crying as soon as you closed the door behind you. You didn't even think about taking a shower anymore and the burning pain in your ribs, which you hadn't mentioned to anyone about, intensified. You had to cover your mouth with your hand so that the crying wouldn’t reach the floor below and you felt that everything around you was spinning.

You stayed in that position for a few minutes, which felt like hours, until someone opened the door and stuck their head inside. It was Nina, who had surely gone of her own free will but also partly at the request of others. She could hear your erratic heartbeat and your lungs struggling to hold some air, so it didn't take her more than a second to kneel next to you to wrap her arms around you and start running her hand up and down trying to comfort you. She offered to heal you and you agreed, but through it all you thought that even though the blows on your body burned like hell, what was definitely causing you the most pain was the wounds you just received to your heart.

After that night you could say that the tension in The Slat could be cut with a knife. You thought that the others were also going to blame you for the failure of the heist, with justifiable reasons, but you were pleasantly surprised to find out that this wasn’t the case, since they all told you so explicitly as soon as they had a chance. Matthias, who was most of the time the most mature among you, told you that sometimes things went wrong and that at least he was glad that you were okay; with Nina there, the physical problems could be solved and the money would be recovered somehow. But, to your surprise, it was Kaz they weren't very happy with.

You never meant to start a mutiny against the boss, God knows you didn't, but as much as you tried to change their minds, they were distant and reluctant to talk to Brekker. And Kaz, in turn, didn't exchange a single word with you.

Jesper and Nina were the ones who showed it the most, the first one kept looking down at your friend as if he could make him combust spontaneously with his eyes while the woman simply didn't say anything, as if he were invisible. The rest of the group hadn't cut off the communication suddenly, but it was evident that they weren't entirely happy with the black-haired man's behavior.

Although there were few occasions when the seven of you, or the majority, coincided in the same space, since you were always doing other things around The Barrel or the club.

You weren't the proud type, yet you refused to offer an apology for something that wasn't wrongdoing and finally stopped feeling guilty for applying this silent treatment to thinking that Kaz deserved it. Just a little. Also, if he didn't bother to talk to you, everything would be easier for you, because, although you still did some general tasks, most of the time you spent locked in your room, doing anything to entertain yourself.

If you looked at it from the outside, unaware that you guys were a bunch of criminals living in the same horrible building, that looked like a real teenage fight. But you couldn't blame yourself too much, because you were teenagers.

Sometimes, when he didn't notice, you watched him from afar. You analyzed his expression, his posture, his eyes, anything that would help you figure out if he really cared about your absence or the silence of others. You tried to believe that he was in a bad mood (more than usual) because he wanted you to not be angry anymore, but after a long time you always came to the same conclusion; he was inscrutable, shielded in that armor that you highly doubted could shatter, much less by you. Sometimes you wished you could know what Kaz was thinking so you could figure out if he had noble motives for acting the way he did or if he was just a heartless jerk. And, although your desire to read minds wasn’t fulfilled, you began to bet more on the latter the day a new job was presented. It was, now, a kind of revenge against the men of the opposing gang (who had stolen your business payment in the first place), however, when the meeting took place you noticed that he was skipping a detail. 

"And what will Y/N do?" Jesper had asked, going ahead of you, after listening carefully to the plan and realizing that you weren't contemplated anywhere. You expected Kaz to say you were going to stick with him, even if it was so he could keep an eye on you and avoid another outburst, but when he shook his head you were completely offended.

"She's not coming"

It was one thing to have received a scolding for the mistake made and quite another to be removed from the team just like that. And that Kaz had responded as if you weren't there made you feel completely humiliated and, consequently, angry.

"Great, so now it turns out that I'm grounded," you said sarcastically. It was the first time in weeks that you had spoken directly to Kaz and he just looked at you sideways for a few seconds, as if examining you, which made your blood boil even more "Are you really going to leave me out?" you continued, now with more seriousness than before. You wished he dared to face you with an answer, and you were surprised at how quickly this happened.

"It’s not personal. This time it’s better that you stay” was all the explanation he offered you. The way he said it made it clear to you that it wasn't up for discussion and you felt powerless, but before any of your friends could say anything in your defense, you decided to take it the best way.

If Kaz didn't want you around, you weren't going to make him. If you didn't receive even a measly part of the money from now on, you didn't care. If it was true that you had screwed up, you weren't sorry for anything and you weren't going to give in so easily, despite the love and respect you felt for him.

“Good luck then,” was all you said, offering the best fake smile you could have and purposely patting Kaz on the shoulder. He watched you walk away with eyes wide open in surprise, even though you didn't even notice it when you got lost in the hallway, and it was hard for him to keep his composure as he turned around again to clear up any doubts regarding how the crime would be carried out; although he tried to hide it, almost most of the group could tell.

What the hell did Kaz have against you lately? The others had made mistakes countless times and never suffered consequences as harsh as yours, because probably the hardest part had been dealing with the boss's anger and being forced to find a solution for what they had screwed up. You probably would have offered to get the money back yourself if he had let you end the problem, but you couldn't even do that because you knew it would only fan the fires of anger.

So when you left there everyone thought that things had already gone on too long and someone had to point it out to Kaz.

"Is everything clear?" he asked, looking at the crows and receiving a general nod.

We would have to wait until night to work, so once there was nothing more to say, each one dispersed in opposite directions.

“Inej,” Kaz said, not even looking back. He knew she was there, he always knew, as if there was a connection between the two of them "Everything okay?"

“Everyone is where they should be. The carriage is on its way and the streets are free”

"Good"

“But there is something else we need to talk about”

Kaz was afraid it was something to do with you, and he closed his eyes for a moment at the possibility. They were on a roof, he too close to the shore to be able to supervise that the robbery was carried out effectively, and she took a few steps until she reached his side. The two kept looking down for a few seconds, preparing internally for what was coming; talking about feelings was never one of their strengths.

"What would that be about?”

"About who" she corrected him "This discussion with Y/N has already escalated to exacerbated levels, you didn't have to forbid her to come"

"And what did you want me to do?" he muttered, more upset than he would have liked, and he had to take a deep breath before speaking again, “She's… was impulsive and… she doesn't measure the danger she's putting herself in. She is like a child, without conscience or limits��

“We all know that, but you called her stupid. That's very different."

“I don't want her to end up killing herself,” he said, and Inej caught a hint of sincere concern tinging her friend's voice. Kaz hated seeing himself like this, but there was something about her that made him trust her with that part of him. “Y/N acts with her heart, that's the problem. And I worry that she doesn't know how to control it. I don't want anyone to hurt her and she just doesn't cooperate” he sounded desperate, helpless, and then Inej realized how many things were being ignored by the team about the boss's decisions, apparently cruel, but quite considered in the background. It was like… acting badly for the right reasons. Or something like that.

“Well, if you really do this to safeguard her welfare, you should tell her. Because I don't think you're giving him the right message with your actions” Inej told him. Then she decided that she wasn't going to pry into the matter anymore from that point on, wishing that the conversation had been enough to make the black-haired man see reason.

He thought about it for a second and wished he could ask her more, but then he noticed that, as always, she had already vanished into the night.

Kaz tried very hard to focus on the robbery and stop thinking about you or what it would be wise to say to you, but he was having some trouble. In the next hour, to everyone's surprise in general, things went perfectly; there was no guard, just a driver who didn't resist, and they were coming back with some juicy loot. Almost too easy to be true.

Kaz didn't give much thought to the nature of the success they'd just had and they all just set off, their group spirits much better now that things were looking up.

It would be foolish to deny that Kaz had been thinking about how quickly you would have managed to carry out the robbery and also had missed the joking duo that you formed with Jesper, who now had barely looked at the blue-eyed man.

On the way he got a bit withdrawn and was mentally torturing himself about what was the right thing to do when he got home. After thinking it through, he concluded that he should take Inej’s advice and talk to you to fix things. Brekker wasn't used to apologizing, but at least he could explain things to you the way he had with the girl, so that you would understand better and hopefully forgive him for the idiotic behavior he had been displaying for the past few weeks. Although he was still upset, it was worth putting that aside to try.

After going to the club to save the cash they went back to The Slat and when he stood in front of your door he never thought to feel more nervous in life, while he started to ask himself if that was a good idea. Maybe he should just let time wash away your bad face and carry on as before... but he was also aware that that wouldn't happen.

He hesitated for a long time about whether to knock on your door or not, but after a few minutes he finally did and was frustrated when no one answered, despite a strip of light coming through the door grate.

"Y/N, I know you’re there" he tried, but there was no response. Kaz ran a gloved hand through his hair and exhaled in frustration. "Fine, don't talk to me if you want, but that's not going to stop me from coming to tell you what I came to say," he muttered determinedly. Even trying to communicate assertively, he couldn't help but sound rude. “I didn't mean to yell at you like that when we got back from the heist, I just didn't know what else to do. And today I asked you to stay here because it could be dangerous and I'm trying to take care of you because apparently you don't give a damn about your own life, not because I hate you or because I'm upset with you. It's just that…” he was having a hard time talking, so he had to take a deep breath to collect himself a little “I worry about you. And I want you to be okay. Safe"

Kaz was silent, waiting for you to say something, but again there was nothing. He felt so foolish and embarrassed that he even thought his eyes were going to glaze over with helplessness. He was trying his best to go there, but you didn't seem to care, and honestly, he didn't blame you.

His gaze lowered to the floor, the pressing sensation of rejection flooding his chest, and only then did he notice the glow emanating from a section of the floor. With difficulty he knelt to take the substance with his fingers and his glove was stained with a fine powder that gave off an iridescent glow, which until that moment he had not realized he was scattered over various sections of the corridor. And next to that dust, there was a bloodstain.

Kaz didn't even wait for a second to lunge at your bedroom door and yank it open, which he hadn't done before out of respect for your privacy, only to realize that everything in there was turned upside down. There were remains of a smashed nightstand, books scattered on the floor, the bed in disarray, and sporadic stains of blood that he prayed weren't yours. The window was wide open and the white curtain billowed violently in the night air.

Someone had broken into your room and it wasn't hard to put the pieces together to find out what they had broken into. Someone had kidnapped you.

His eyes traveled all over the place looking for something that would give him clues and he decided to start rummaging through the books hoping to find a note, the amount for your ransom, whatever. When he read ‘We're even, Brekker’ written on yellowed paper and signed with the seal of a snake, he felt that his balance was missing.

That's why the robbery of the carriage had been so easy, because they had wanted it that way. Their plan was always to enter The Slat. You were there, alone, and they kidnapped you because Kaz had allowed it. Because in his eagerness to protect you, he had delivered you directly to the enemy.

It was all his fault.

"Jesper!" he screamed, on first impulse. He didn't know if it was difficult for him to get up from the floor due to dizziness or because of the limp “Inej! Wylan! Whoever!" he continued, wanting to get the attention of anyone who could help him. He was in a panic and he was also furious. He would be capable of torturing the men who had kidnapped you in the most horrible ways ever seen, as soon as he found out who they were.

All the people present in the building followed the sound of the boss's wailing and when they observed the state of your room a collective sigh of surprise filled the silence.

"Where is Y/N?"

“I don't know,” Kaz hissed, sounding desperate. That didn't even matter to him anymore "They took her, they set us up"

“We have to find her,” Matthias muttered, and he wanted to hit him for saying something so obvious. But he had to calm down, for everyone's sake.

"There's blood and this in the hallway," said the black-haired man, showing everyone the dust that still glittered on his glove.

"It's a trail," Wylan exclaimed, his features lighting up like when he had an idea. He stepped forward to analyze the sample and then nodded. “I gave this to her, it's a bioluminescent powder we were experimenting with. In theory, when…" he walked around the room as if looking for something until he found a box of matches that you had lying around "it comes into contact with the fire, it emits a blue flame" he explained, going into the corridor and demonstrating the information practically.

There was hope, if they hadn't taken you too far your friends might track you down and rescue you. You had been scared enough to leave a clue because you knew they would look for you.

In that moment Kaz felt so guilty that he had ever even suggested that he doubted your abilities.

“You have to follow it. We have to find where they took her right now” he ordered and, of course, no one argued. Everyone went ahead to get the necessary things to look for you and Kaz leaned against the wall for a moment, breathing slowly in an attempt to contain one of those panic attacks he sometimes felt, not imagining that this would only be the beginning of an awful night. 

And the worst wasn’t over yet.

The crows moved faster and more efficiently than ever before, and within minutes Wylan had figured out how to follow the trail. Sometimes there were long lines through the streets that were lit with a single match, but other times they had to look for them more carefully and that consumed time that Kaz considered vital. Although he wasn't saying anything the others could tell that he was quite upset by the situation, so they did their best. Also, you were part of the group, so they too were extremely worried.

By the time they reached Fifth Harbor, Kaz was already burning all the way down his leg, but that didn't matter to him. They were all out of breath, but that didn't matter. And the trail ended right at the pier, but that didn't matter because they saw in the distance a boat with two robust men, one of them holding a lamp and the other struggling with a girl tied by her hands and legs who was screaming in despair.

It was you and you were yelling Kaz's name.

They rushed to find a boat tied to the dock big enough for the six of them and when, luckily, they found it they jumped on it. Matthias and Jesper were in charge of rowing and the movement did not go unnoticed by the men who had you captured, nor by you.

A feeling of relief swept through you as you realized that the silhouettes approaching you were your friends and you felt that all was not lost. Kaz thought that they had arrived just in time and that calmed him down for a second, but he didn't count on the fact that the man would lift you off the ground and, with a sharp gesture that surprised everyone, he would throw you straight into the sea.

Your cry was drowned out by the roar of the water and the black-haired man's breath caught, while everything around him was spinning again. Until then he realized the position he was in: in the middle of the immensity of the sea, in danger of drowning. It was then that the memories of his brother's body came back to him like needles sticking in and he felt like he might vomit.

Kaz didn't know how to swim and even if he had known how to at some point in his life it was now impossible due to his limping leg. But he wasn't going to let you die. He can’t.

In the midst of the attack, he was dimly aware of what was happening. You were now within safe distance of the other boat which allowed Inej to throw a knife at one of the men and Jesper took it upon himself to put a bullet into the other. In hindsight, Kaz would have wished they had stayed alive so he could take it upon himself to give them a slow and painful death. There was no point in letting the men who had kidnapped you die so mercifully.

The water was dark and they couldn't see anything, but still Matthias was the one who ventured below the surface to find your body, hoping that when he did it wouldn't be too late.

Nina kept her hands up to monitor the beating of both your hearts and the rest stood without saying anything, looking expectantly out at the water that rolled in small waves. Only Kaz's erratic breathing broke the silence of the environment.

A few seconds passed, and when there was no sign of him or you, concern gripped the group. Now there wasn’t only the fear that you wouldn't get out of the water, but also that Matthias wouldn't and thus lose two members of the group. Nina winced when she heard one of the heartbeats slowed down considerably, though she didn't comment on it to the others.

When he finally surfaced everyone was relieved to see that he wasn't alone, even if your body was just an unconscious bundle that he was pulling with difficulty.

They still put you in the canoe and you had your limbs tied with rope, so Inej was in charge of cutting them with a knife, while the others crowded around you to try to see how you were.

“She's not breathing,” Matthias gasped. Nina knelt to try to expel the water from your lungs, but for some reason your body was resisting. If she didn't get the water out of your lungs, the lack of oxygen would permanently affect your brain.

"This isn't working," she snorted after several hand movements.

It was only then that Kaz dared to look at you. You were pale, wet, and a trickle of blood was coming from your forehead and you had some bruises. He never thought that he would feel the same pain that he seized when he traveled to the coast with the lifeless body of his brother.

Wake up, he wanted to tell you, but his voice wouldn't come out. You have to wake up.

Nina kept trying and until he finally saw you jump up to vomit up the salt water, he too felt like he could breathe again.

When you finally finished inhaling the air around you everyone bombarded you with questions to check your well-being and you just nodded to them all, a little dazed and scared. Nina took it upon herself to help with the cut and bruises, while the men took up the oars again to reach the dock.

Kaz was the last to get off the boat and he was also the last to enter The Slat, as if he needed to check that the rest of you had done it, since he didn't want to leave anyone behind again. Never.

“Let me accompany you,” he said. It was the first thing he had said to you after the incident and you were so exhausted that you didn't offer any resistance. When you walked up the stairs and into your room, you thought Kaz would leave without another word, but instead he stood in front of the door.

You looked at him with a neutral expression, trying to understand what he was trying to do.

"You were very intelligent" he began to say "When you left the trail"

"Thank you," you said quietly. Your throat was a bit sore from the water you had swallowed.

"How it happened?" he asked. The trip had made you recover a bit and you were calmer than before, so you didn't mind telling him things.

“They were supposed to be looking for your office, but they saw my light on and thought it would be a better idea to go after the helpless damsel. They got in through the window and… voila,” you said bitterly, gesturing with one hand at the mess around you. “They held me here and tied me to a chair, but the knots were so painful I got free in a few minutes. They interrogated me to ask about things of value or obtain some information, but I didn't say anything. My fighting could irritate them, but I think I really pissed them off when I smashed a vase over the head of one and plunged a knife into the other's leg. Maybe that's why they decided to throw me into the sea”

Kaz was a bit dismayed at how calmly you said things and he wondered if you really didn't care or were just pretending. Although he wanted to say the same things to you that he had said to your empty room a few hours ago, the truth was that remembering it made him feel ashamed. It had been a sincere apology, but he didn't think he could say it twice.

"I'm sorry I put you in danger," he said, stepping forward for more privacy. He watched your reaction to what he said and what he did, hoping that if you were still upset you would show it. But the near-death experience seemed to soften both of you.

"Why apologize? you didn't send those guys. It was just some… being in the wrong place at the wrong time. It could have happened to anyone."

“I know, but maybe if I hadn't asked you to stay here, they wouldn't have hurt you” he admitted and although you wanted to recriminate him for that, you decided to remain silent, feeling curious as to how far he could go with that talk "And if you don't… if you hadn't been smart right now you wouldn't be here”

"But I am" you answered with determination "And that's what hurts me, Kaz, that you doubt me" you expressed. You weren't going to forget so easily what had made you walk away in the first place and you thought it was the right time for him to know what you thought about it “I made a mistake, it's true and I take responsibility for that. But you didn't have to treat me like this."

"I know that too," he hastened to say, "I don't doubt you, I never have."

“It is not noticeable. Today you pushed me aside and you told us that trust is always the most important thing. And although I was stupid, I consider that this behavior is not worthy of making you stop trusting me just like that. You know I didn't do it to screw you over, I just wanted to save her."

“It's not about that woman, I don't care about her. You know that I too would have prevented her from getting hurt if the situation arose."

“Then what is it about? Is it only the mistake of the century if I make it?”

“This is about you, Y/N” Kaz said, pointing at you with his open palm and starting to sound desperate “I got so mad because you were the one who ended up in the hands of the enemy. I hate that you act like that because I care about you too much to allow myself to lose you”

You didn't expect that and he didn't expect to say it either. It was even more embarrassing than what he had refused to tell you in the first place.

He said that he didn't want to lose you and you thought about the meaning of that expression: did he not want to lose what you brought to the team or did he not want to lose your person?

"These weeks I thought you only hated me because I made you lose money"

"Oh, I do hate you a little for that," he said, taking a surprise "Not for the money itself, but for what that money implied" there was no point in keeping secrets, if Kaz had already started to sink then he preferred to do it completely and with dignity “The club is going through some difficulties, Y/N. I sold those things so I could keep it going. Because while our criminal jobs give us some kruge, you know that the main source of income for that group is the Crow Club. Also…” he felt his breath shake and had to take a moment to calm down “I've been thinking about something these past few months. A long time ago you said that you had always wanted to go to university, do you remember?” he asked you and you nodded your head “Jesper had the opportunity, but he is a lost cause, because he prefers this kind of life to having an office job or a quiet home and I respect that. But not you, you ended up here because you had no other options” Kaz was silent, hoping that if you had something to say you would say it now, but then he continued, “And I thought if I gave you some money you would have that opportunity. That way I could get you away from all these Dregs and you'd live the way you wanted. That's why that robbery was important”

You were totally stunned.

You never expected Kaz to have that opinion of you or even care about you to the degree that he had just confessed to you. He had listened to you, had seen beyond the apparent happiness of living in The Barrel to find your true dreams, so forgotten within yourself that you no longer thought you could reveal them to anyone else.

You mistakenly believed that the only thing that mattered to Kaz Brekker was dying suffocated by piles of money, but you had just realized that the true engine of life of the black-haired man was the love he had for that peculiar family that you made up.

“You… you know that's not necessary, right? You don’t have to do it"

"But I wanted"

The gap was less since Kaz had walked towards you and you decided, venturing a bit, to take another step towards him.

"Why didn't you tell us that the club has financial problems?" you asked softly, because you thought there could be no other way to talk to him in a situation like this.

"Because it wasn't important"

"Yes, it is, Kaz" you walked in his direction again. At that distance, if you raised your hand a little, he could reach to take hers "That's the point, you decide to swallow all the problems without talking to anyone and then we have no idea what ails you or why this or that is so important. Jesus, if you had told me that money was so vital, I would have put my life into opening that vault as quickly as possible” it was at that moment that you really regretted what you had done and thought that, if possible, you would have returned in time to listen to him and not just your instincts.

"It does not matter anymore. I can't spend my life telling you all the bad things that happen around here."

“You should do it, Kaz. We are a group and we can't just enjoy the rewards without knowing the sacrifice, stop burdening yourself with that alone” he warned seriously “You take care of all of us, but then who takes care of you?”

His reaction was the same as you had a moment ago: stupefaction. Kaz didn't know at what point in his life he had to become that, but he thought that perhaps Jordie's death was decisive for him to have to fulfill the role of the person he had just lost. To be for others what no one had been for him, so they would not suffer what he had suffered. It was quite an altruistic act if he thought better of it.

But after so many years it was exhausting and he wished he could just fall into someone else's arms to rest, figuratively speaking. And there you were right in front of him, probably the person he loved the most, with an expression that reflected a willingness to listen to what he had to say.

So Kaz thought that, maybe for once, it was okay for him to be vulnerable.

“I had an older brother” he murmured, after a long while and you were a bit confused by the sudden change of subject, but you nodded your head so he knew you were listening “He died during the plague epidemic. And miss him so much"

You knew little, if anything, of the personal life of the man in front of you, so you didn't know how to react to the disclosure of that fact. You imagined a little Kaz, scared and sad because his brother was gone. You didn't think for a second about the horrible things he had to go through and that he, with some luck, would dare to tell you later.

But even with this paltry piece of information you couldn't help but feel enormous compassion. He was human, like everyone else, and he was afraid that death would come to take another person important to him. Now you understood better.

"What was his name?" you asked in a whisper, as gently as possible. Kaz was silent for a moment, reflecting no sentiment, then swallowed.

"Jordie"

You weren't going to ask him any more questions after that, you just looked into his eyes and you knew that this was his way of telling you that he trusted you to keep that shred of his past.

"Well, I think Jordie would be happy to know that now there are six of us who love you as he did" was what you replied. You didn't know if it was the answer he expected, but at least it was the one that had come from your heart. When he looked at you, you swore that his eyes were teary, although later you convinced yourself that it had only been an effect of the light.

"I hope we're fine now" he murmured, regaining his composure, referring to the problems that had existed between you after that discussion.

"Calm down, everything is fine. I know you can't live without me."

"Actually, I've had enough of Jesper seeing me with those murder-eyes."

"Then you noticed," you joked. You were completely exhausted and at that moment you were even more conscious, as if you were going to pass out the next second “Everything is fine” you repeated “I just hope this doesn't happen again. I… will try to be less impulsive. And you have to tell me if something's wrong and we'll figure it out, okay?"

Kaz hummed back and you put on a tight-lipped smile. Then you looked around you to analyze the chaos that had been left by the fight with those men, feeling exhausted just thinking that you would have to pick up the pieces of wood, the books, or clean the stains, and he realized what you were thinking by the look on your face.

“I'll send someone to clean all this up tomorrow, I promise. For now, you just… lie down”

"For the first time, I'm not going to argue with you," you laughed bitterly. Then a yawn invaded you and you felt your eyelids tremendously heavy, which he perceived. Kaz didn't want to leave there, even if you were on the verge of exhaustion, however, he didn't know what excuse to use to stay “Good night, Kaz. You should rest too"

"Yeah, um... I'll do it"

“Good”

There was silence for a few seconds. 

"Have you really forgiven me?" he asked, looking to make sure you weren't upset anymore. You smiled and, amid your delirium from exhaustion, you stood on your toes to kiss him on the cheek. He paled and held his breath, but you didn't notice.

“As much as you have forgiven me for screwing up the mission. Now go and sleep"

Perhaps it was the shock of receiving something like this from you that caused Kaz to practically run out of your room, without even saying goodbye, staying in the hallway for a moment to process things. The speed of the contact hadn't given him time to panic, but that didn't stop him from feeling the pumping of his heart hammering like crazy under his chest and hot cheeks under the memory of your lips on them.

When he locked himself in his room he tried to calm down, when he was taking off his clothes to put on his pajamas he tried again, washing his hands and face, going through paperwork before going to sleep, lying down on the bed, closing the eyes... but nothing worked.

And eventually he fell asleep with the ghost of your kiss haunting him through dreams.

[qqueenofhades]

re an ask that you got earlier, how much do you think ivan acrually even knows about the darkling's secret history?

Prior to the events of 1x08, I think it's most likely that Ivan knows a good deal more about Kirigan's plans than the rest of the Grisha, but by no means all of it, and it's not clear whether that extends to Kirigan/Aleksander's true identity. What we do know in canon/semi-canon about Ivan's character and beliefs includes the following:

In 1x02, during the carriage scene, it's clear that Ivan deeply feels/resents the historical persecution of Grisha, since he tells Alina that the Little Palace has walls to protect them because it used to be a death sentence to be one, and Kirigan has now made them powerful, respected, and feared.

In 1x03, in the "why are you eATiNg fIgS????" scene that makes me laugh every time, Ivan clearly thinks that Alina's main mission/purpose in being at the Little Palace and harnessing her power is to tear down the Fold. This indicates that as far as he knows/Kirigan has told him, that's what she's supposed to do. Kirigan himself isn't there, so there's no reason for Ivan to pretend otherwise/say anything other than what he thinks.

In 1x06, when Ivan interrogates the Conductor about the plot to steal Alina out of the Little Palace, that's probably both when Aleksander's overall plans began to change and Ivan became aware of it. Maybe it was first the plan to let Alina explore her power, fall in love with Aleksander, and willingly lend him her light so they could control the Fold/rule Ravka together etc, but after she ran off, Aleksander had to improvise on the fly and accelerate his plans to find the stag/bind himself to Alina. This is most likely when he tells Ivan that they need to get the amplifier and put it on her no matter what, and Ivan agrees. Still, however, thinking that this is so Kirigan can use her power to tear down the Fold.

In 1x07, while David is the one who actually puts the collar/amplifier on Alina and Aleksander, Ivan is the one who holds Alina in place while David does so. This point in the books is also where he tells her that all the male members of his family (father, uncle, two brothers) have died in Ravka's wars against Fjerda, and that's the reason he trusts the Darkling as the only person who can protect Ravka strongly enough and/or stop the fighting once and for all. Simon also mentioned a deleted scene referencing Ivan's backstory, which is probably this scene/happens in this episode, but they cut it.

Also in 1x07: Ivan is present when Alina angrily asks Kirigan if "Aleksander is a fake name too." It's possible that this tips him off to the fact that there's more to Kirigan than it appears/confirms any suspicions he might have had that "Kirigan" isn't who he really is. But this isn't clear.

By 1x08, when Ivan goes into the Fold with Aleksander and Alina and acts as Kirigan's bodyguard/killer of everyone else while the shenaniganry goes on, it's clear that he's decided no matter what, it's still his job to serve Kirigan as his loyal second-in-command and trust that he knows what he's doing. Ivan's last line in s1 before getting yeeted off the skiff by Jesper is to Alina, as he's Heartrending/trying to incapacitate her: "How dare you [turn on Aleksander]? He gave you everything!"

So overall, even if Ivan didn't explicitly realize until 1x08 what Kirigan was really doing, he stayed loyal while it was happening, or at least until the point he was chucked off into the Fold and we don't know yet what happened to him after that. HOWEVER, if it's Word of God that both Ivan and Fedyor survived both s1 and s2, we don't know why Ivan didn't choose to come back to Aleksander and continue to fight with him. Maybe his mind was changed by Fedyor, he was upset about Aleksander leaving him behind to die even after he had helped him carry out the Fold plan, he was otherwise occupied, etc etc. But leaving it at "he was just detained and couldn't get back in time" doesn't seem likely, since even if Simon himself was too busy to come back for s2 and they decided to move Fivan to s3, they need to come up with a compelling in-universe reason for it.

Simon's headcanons for Ivan are a) that he's possibly part Fjerdan and/or has Fjerdan ancestry (since the Fjerdans are Scandinavian and Simon is Danish), which might have led him to often get his loyalty to Ravka questioned and made him very touchy about it, b) Ivan is actually quite fragile and that's why he acts so tough and standoffish, and c) his one weak spot/soft point is Fedyor and their relationship. I don't know how much the writers have or will explicitly incorporate any of this, but hey, that's what Simon thinks.

They could go with Ivan being ancestrally Fjerdan if Fivan ends up at the Ice Court in time for the s3 Crows heist (especially since Fedyor was the one who forced Nina to turn Matthias in and the druskelle might want revenge on them). Or maybe he or Fedyor got mixed up with jurda in Ketterdam, or maybe Ivan will be the leader of the Cult of the Starless Saint and the political opposition to Alina as the new queen of Ravka/leader of the Grisha. Because they're considerably off book by now and have leeway to basically invent further Fivan storyline as they please (since Fedyor and Ivan obviously aren't supposed to survive past Siege and Storm, but I SHALL TAKE IT), we don't know.

Just give me more Ivan/Fedyor otp and Ivan/Jesper foetp. Please and thank you.

[fandomscompilation]

The story of two broken souls (Kaz Brekker x Reader) Part 9

Fandom: Six of Crows

Pairing: eventual Kaz Brekker x Reader

Warnings: arguments, gangs, threats, mentions of murder and violence, talks of Menagerie

A/N: Welcome to another part of Kaz series. My feed will turn hectic with both series being posted at the same time, but oh well... Let me know what you think and enjoy!

Taglist: @d34drapunzel @coldheartedmar @igakc

Gif is not mine!

Even after a full day off I felt more tired than I did before. But I still went to the Club before the crowd came in and took my place behind the bar.

I worked through the orders as usual, but didn't engage into conversations with customers or other workers too much. I knew being distracted will probably make Kaz talk my ear off, but I didn't really care about him or his Club today.

"He wants to see us." Inej said sliding on one of the stools. I looked up to her in curiosity. "Said he had a job." I huffed giving the customer his drink before throwing the rag on one of the shelves.

"Anything important?" I asked walking with Inej. She send me an apologetic smile.

"He took you away from the bar so I think so, yes." She nodded walking upstairs. I only nodded trailing behind the girl.

Kaz was sitting behind his desk with documents thrown all over it. Inej walked in first and stopped in front of his desk, while I closed the doors and plopped down into the chair. I never asked why Jesper and Inej never sat down in the free chair, but I always used that opportunity to sit down myself.

"I want you to join Inej on her night watch." Kaz glanced my way but I didn't react to his order for a second.

"Can't Inej take care of it by herself?" I asked which made Inej throw me a warning glance.

"I want you both on the job." Brekker said again making me huff.

"I ain't a Crow, Brekker. I work the bar, that's why I was employed for. I don't have to ran around doing jobs for you." I said getting pissed off. Last night didn't help in controlling my emotions.

"Inej, go ahead. She'll join you later on." Kaz said making the girl nod and leave the room quietly. I crossed my arms sinking into the chair. "We have a deal."

"I've been here for months and you didn't do shit to bring him down. Do you still really think I'm some dumb gang member?" I seethed glaring at him. He ran his gloved hand through his hair before meeting my gaze again.

"What do you want me to do? Can't really go against Dime Lions with nothing on us." He said slowly like I was a child throwing a tantrum. It made me grit my teeth even harder.

"I give you a month, Brekker." I said standing up. "If by that time you don't have a plan or do something I'll do it my way." We glared at each other for a second before I turned around to find Inej.

She was already on the rooftops when I managed to catch up. She quickly informed me where we should head and started to lead the way. I couldn't show her what I really could do, but I made sure she seemingly taught me her art of stillness. Now Kaz would send me on recon missions with her to keep me in form.

Soon Inej caught a word on the streets about a big job coming up. We followed the man silently, while they unknowingly gave away more and more details.

We went separate ways close to the mansion so we could gather more intel. Although I mostly watched over the guards and staff members so they didn't come close to Inej's hiding spot. I didn't hear much either since I constantly moved from one place to another keeping my friend safe.

When I finally noticed her shadows move away from the building it was already raining. I loved Ketterdam for its weather. The constant rain was something I loved. Most of nights like this I would spend perched on my window watching the water wash away mood and blood.

Inej was the first one to slid into Kaz's room through the window. I stayed out for a moment longer until I heard him greet her.

"What information do you have for me tonight?" He asked washing his hands. Inej stepped in front of me, while I stayed close to the window.

"A lead on a job. A big one. Enough money to change lives." Inej said, but I stayed quiet. Seemingly a shadow in the corner. Kaz looked at her through his mirror before softly shaking his head.

"It doesn't take much to change someone's life in the Barrel." He said not showing his interest. I huffed rolling my eyes.

"A million kruge?" Inej asked knowing it would finally get his attention. He straightened up almost immediately.

"What's the name?" I could see his curiosity through the reflection in mirror. He was already in his work mode.

"Dreesen. A wealthy merchant." Inej informed making him nod slightly.

"Dreesen. I've heard of him." I hummed lightly. Every good gang leader should know about people like that. The slimy rats acting like they're kings of the city. "He could afford it. The question is, what's worth a million kruge to him?"

"He's looking for a crew willing to cross the Fold into East Ravka and bring back something." Inej said making me turn my head in her direction. Guess I should've asked about the job before we came here. Kaz turned around putting his gloves on and I turned my face blank again.

"The Fold? Well, of course, certain death pays a million." He quickly glanced my way and I shrugged lightly. "He didn't say what he wants nicked?"

"No." Inej answered looking down. "But he's taking meetings tonight, starting at midnight."

"Tell me you followed him." Kaz said looking at us over his left shoulder. Inej smirked and I knew she was proud of herself.

"He brought someone in from the ship. Took a way back to his house in the Garden District to avoid attention. I would have followed him inside, but Dreesen's hired some private security. I would have had to use my knives to get closer." Inej told Kaz the story while I looked at the wall getting slightly distracted by my own thoughts.

"Private security. Anyone we know?" Brekker wondered with his attention on Inej.

"A Zemeni man. I think his name is Tendo. You know him?" Inej asked glancing to me too. I had quiet the memory for people's faces and names.

"Gambles at one of Pekka's clubs." I said lightly making Kaz nod along.

"I won't have leverage on him. But Pekka will." Kaz grimaced lightly and went to his desk with Inej following. I lightly rolled my eyes going after them.

"Kaz, I got this lead from one of the girls at the Menagerie." Inej said making me realise why she was the only one to hear about it before we saw Dreesen. Kaz glanced her way in question. "They tell me things in case you'd buy them out, like you did with me."

"I didn't buy you, I'm paying off your indenture." Kaz said leaning on his desk.

"You know what I mean." Inej said quickly. "This one girl, Kesh, she has skill. She's like me."

"I only invest in the one of a kind." Kaz said slightly raising his voice. "She isn't like you. No one is." I bit my cheek seeing the awkward interaction.

"So? What's our move now?" Inej asked walking to stand in front of the desk and I leaned on the arch beside me.

"You're the one of us who believes in a higher power." Brekker said straightening and looking at DeKappel's painting of the Fold. "If we're going to survive a round trip through the Fold, we'll need a miracle or two."

"Or a lot of money." I huffed standing normally. "Either way, I'm out."

"What do you mean?" Kaz asked squinting at me and I shrugged.

"I'm out. I did the recon job with Inej, I've got a shift in the morning and there's no way you'll make me cross that pit of darkness." I said crossing my arms and Inej looked from me to Kaz.

"We'll need you on this job." He said not breaking our gaze.

"You don't even know the details. You have no idea if you'll need me." I threw my hands up in annoyance. He pinched his nose showing his own irritation.

"Inej leaves us." She patted my shoulder on the way out as a sign she'll be waiting at the Slat. Second time that she was order to leave, because I didn't follow orders. "Why are you being so difficult lately?"

"Maybe because we made a deal and you didn't do shit yet." I said with anger in my tone. "If you can't do it then just tell me. I'll gladly get Blade back to life and cut his head off."

"Killing him won't make him pay for what he did." Brekker reminded in a raised voice making me groan.

"Then do something. At least let me mess with him a bit." I sighted giving him my puppy eyes.

"It won't work on me." Kaz send me a glare and turned to his documents.

"Oh, I think it would if you didn't try to distract yourself with papers." I smirked seeing his tightened jaw. "But fine, I gave you a month. And I'll wait."

"Fine. Now go out and figure out a way to cross the Fold." Kaz order not even looking up to see me frown.

"I've got a shift in the morning." I said reminding him of my real work.

"You're off the bar duty as long as the milion kruge job is on the table." He only gave me one look before waving me off. I didn't had much energy to have another argument, so I opted in joining Inej in the Slat and downing a drink or two.

[sweetingseva]

Hi Hi!

I finished Tbona yesterday, and I have more questions than answers, help 😅 I'll probably flood your askbox a bit, sorry in advance!

***TBONA SPOILERS BELOW***

I really like the theory of Apollo being Lysander Valor, and that Dane Valor is LaLa's first love (the dragon).

„Dane was some sort of shifter, and Lysander had a gift that involved memories. ” (Tbona, ch.16)

Also, Chaos (aka Castor Valor) and Apollo seem to have similar looks (olive skin, strong facial features, dark hair, brown eyes), while Tiberius Acadian looks very different (soft face, freckles, copper hair).

„So this was the mysterious Tiberius. They didn’t look like brothers.” (Ouabh, ch.33)

If that is the case, what I don't understand is how Apollo didn't notice he is being manipulated into marrying Eva by Jacks? He surely knows about the key prophecy? And I would think he wouldn't want the Valory Arch opened and the other Valors to return to rule. I wonder what his motives are? What's the history between him and Jacks?

Why did Jacks not want the Valory Arch to open? Why would he not want the Valors to return if they were such wonderful leaders? Is it because of Aurora?

Now that we know Apollo can take away memories, what else could he have modified in history?

I also keep wondering if there is still more to Jacks's background. We know now that he is the Archer, but when he and Eva first meet he says: „People who don’t like me call me Jacks.” (Ouabh, ch.2)

I kept thinking about this because literally everyone calls him Jacks. 🤭 But could he have another name/identity then as well? Maybe he is someone from one of the great houses.

I'd love to hear your thoughts, thanks in advance! ☺️

Hello! Thank you for your question! And don't worry about it, I'm happy to answer any question of yours 😊

Thanks to the first four chapters of ACFTL being released, I have a much better understanding on Apollo and his reasons. Unfortunately, it really seems like Apollo might have made a deal to get the memory erasing power. He goes to say that he did it to protect Evangeline. Throughout his chapter, the less and less I believed he was Lysander.

Lysander is one of the many children of Wolfric Valor, and it appeared that Apollo was just a distant relative. If you can call him that.

Since you bring up the physical differences between Apollo and Tiberius, I definitely agree that they may not be blood related at all! Perhaps that is why Apollo's father was hard on him.

Now Dane, I really want to believe that he's LaLa's lover. I think that would be so cute and incredible! 💕🥺

According to Apollo (in ACFTL), I don't think he entirely believed the Valory Arch tale and its corresponding prophecy was real. Therefore he didn't really care for it.

Apollo was cursed the moment he met Evangeline. At this point, nothing would stop Apollo from being overly infatuated with Evangeline thus ignoring Tiberius's warning about her. He had no choice but to be manipulated into marrying her.

Onto Jacks, I never got the sense that he didn't want to open the Valory Arch. I know he said he didn't want to open it but not because he doesn't want the Valors to come back but because there's nothing inside that he wants. What he wants are the stones.

Funny thing since you mentioned it, but Stephanie did almost give him more names.

Stephanie: Jacks! For the first few drafts of this book, I couldn't find the right name for Jacks. I kept giving him different names. He was Jack, Sebastian, Gavriel, Judas, and once he had five names: Jesper Alexander Castor Kronos Spencer.

In my opinion, Jacks is his name and he doesn't have another. He might have said that as a joke 😅

[bookishbunnies]

Episode 6

Wylan, your friends are dying and you're excited about the butterflies??? Top tier autistic representation honestly

Awwwwh Wylan, holy shit that's so fucking adorable. Speaking louder just so Jesper can hear you. You fucking sweetheart. But uh, Jesper can't hear you soz

Omg this is how we get Jesper backstory?? His mother!!! 😍

Ooh, Baghra knows. Or at least has her suspicions.

Oooh yes, morozova story time

Ooh yes Baghra, talk more about Mals family.

Oh cmon Mal. You kept going till you found Alina. Is Baghra really gonna have to spell it out?

Really Baghra, you stop the story there???

Wylan, don't you think they tried simply opening the door?? If tolya couldn't get it open what makes you think you can? Blow it the fuck up dammit

Oooooh, Tolya and Tamar backstory??? Wait no, hallucination? Interesting, the others had flashbacks, not fiction

Wylan, maybe don't put your face directly up to the small hole you just made into a room filled with poisonous air?? 😅

I love Jespers mother so much. I wish we got to see more of her

Huh, okay maybe Baghra doesn't know for sure. Otherwise opening that door would've gone differently

I know Mal and Alinas convos are supposed to be emotional but honestly I'm laughing everytime coz of all the foreshadowing 😂

THE KANEJ ARMY ARE WINNING. ABSOLUTELY FUCKING WINNING

This is exactly how I imagined the scene. Perfect. The question. The little tug. The hand in the face. The hesitation. But holy shit it hurts so much that it's not real. That Kaz doesn't get to experience it too. Why must you hurt me like this????

Omg yes, autistic hyperfixations for the win. You are a beautiful man Wylan.

Lol, Inej shoving it in her mouth before he can even say it might sound strange. She trusts him with her life 💚

Alright, Tolya is mama now, it's official

Omg Jesper, don't sound so surprised. You've literally told the man how intelligent he has how many times and you're surprised??

Oh Kaz, and Inej. Didn't see anything? Nice to see we're still denying all our feelings 😂

Wow, Mals better at denying shit than Kanej. You literally just closed the door that only a Morozova can affect. And you respond with 'you're lying'???

Wow that's rude, messing with a man's guns.

Oh I need Wylan to save them here, it's gonna be gorgeous

Absolutely love Jespers priorities, fixing his guns

Once again, Baghra is fucking amazing. She knew what needed to be done and she fucking did it

Okay that was not how I was expecting that to go. Damn, they really have a habit for meeting living saints 😅

Awwh, I am living for every single look between Wylan and Jesper 😍

Oooh, is this why they made Alina part Shu??? Did they think this far ahead, had all this planned out already????

Jesper?? Okay, why him? Coz he's a durast?

Shes using her first husband as a table????

Awwh, it is coz he's a durast, a terrible one apparently 😂

This is such a good Jesper episode. We get to see his mother, and he gets to be more comfortable being a durast

Omg, Tolya and Jespers look 😂

Omg, 'someone someday is gonna come sweep you off your feet' yes Nina, his name is Nikolai, and he will so brilliantly sweep Zoya off her feet 😍

Wow they got their priorities straight. You have to kill me Alina. Okay let's have sex.

Like yeah I get it, but it's still funny

Ah yes, nothing like pouring your dead mother bone dust onto the stump of your hand that she cut off with her dying breath.

Well fuck. Baghra did not see that one coming

[justmybookthots]

Crooked Kingdom

5/5 stars

I finished this in one whole day. This is a BIG book, and it took me hours and hours of non-stop reading from morning to night to get it done. 

This book is a masterpiece. Usually, I can be kind of sceptical about books this size, because they might drag, but Crooked Kingdom’s length really helped wrap up a lot of loose threads for each of the Crows. And oh my gosh, but this book really blew Six of Crows out of water for me. See, I liked Six of Crows, but I wasn’t in love with it. 

But this. This. 

There was no major heist (save for the safe, I think), and I actually was fine with it! If anything, I liked it more! One of my biggest (and personal) issues with the original heist was that it was so setting-heavy that my brain was dying. But in this book, there really isn’t as much setting involved, and I LOVE mind-games and scheming so this was everythingggggggg.

Kaz is officially one of my book loves, my book boyfriends, as Booktok would say. Usually, he’s not my type because he’s too abrasive, too callous, and I like guys who are more emotionally intelligent—but here’s the thing, he isn’t emotionally unintelligent. Not entirely. He just chooses to be a dick half the time—and he can put up a hell of a show playing a different persona if he wanted to—but it doesn’t matter because he’s a fucking genius, and everyone knows that. Every single time they did something I didn’t understand, I was like, ‘never mind, I’ll wait,’ and LO AND BEHOLD, the shoe drops in a later chapter and everything earlier makes sense. There is always a shoe dropping. The plan is never straightforward. This is a devious Kaz’s world, and we are just living in it.

Also, I was just fucking wheezing with delight when Jan Van Eck's kid caught him breaking in and he handled the situation so... so......... I can't even articulate myself. It was so good. And how he handled Jan right after he left the house was fucking PERFECTION.

I LOVE clever characters, and Kaz is single-handedly the smartest literary character I’ve read (or rather, not the smartest, but the one whose brains are actually shown rather than told the most). I adore him. I breathe him. I want to lick his shoes. I want to listen to his mordant wit and soak in its barbs. Also, when he kissed Inej’s neck, I was SCREAMING. SCREAMING!!!!!!!

I know a lot of people weren’t happy with the ending, so I went into Crooked Kingdom slightly apprehensively, worried about how it’ll conclude. 

I needn’t have worried. The ending was good!!! Excellent, even. I really am confused about what people were so hung up about. It was everything, from Wylan getting his house and money back from his father, Jan arrested, Jesper getting closure with his dad and himself, Wylan and Jesper being in love and living together, KAZ FINDING INEJ AND THEIR FINGERS TOUCHING AND HIM BRINGING HER FUCKING PARENTS BACK, Pekka gone for good?? What more do they want????????

This is the wonderful, quintessential Crows ending. Okay, fine, I noticed that I didn’t mention Nina and Matthias, but, uh….

I don’t really care about them.

Look. I’m sorry to their fans, if they exist. I am sure they do. But I couldn't care less. Also Matthias’s death was so random, like everything was going fine, and some guy from his country pops up and shoots him and I was like, huh? Okay?

Ah, well. You see, a major annoyance I had with Crooked Kingdom was that everything was so good… until it was time for Matthias or Nina’s chapters. Nina, maybe not so much (it was only irritating because it meant I’d have to read about her budding romance with him), but Matthias’ chapters made my eyes glaze over. He is definitely less annoying than in the prequel, but I still found myself scrambling for fucks to give and coming up empty.

Now, back to the Crows I cared for:

Wylan!!!!!!!!!MY WYLAN. MY BOY. MY HEART AND JOY. When Jesper was kissing Kuwei (thinking it was Wylan), I was like: why is Wylan grinning? This isn’t Kuwei, is it? And OH BOY WAS I RIGHT. I loved that this happened, that it pushed a jealous Wylan to try to get his face back because I missed his original face so much. I love his reddish curls, his wide blue eyes, everything!! And when he shared his first kiss with Jesper—he initiated it!! He did!!! He told a jumpy Jesper to stay still and then KISSED him—I jumped up and squealed like a little bitch. Ah!!!!!!!!! I don’t care what anyone says. Wylan has more balls than anyone expects and he is literally taking care of Jesper financially at the end because he is a baby boy boss. 

I did like Jesper’s story a lot, and I found it cool that he was a good marksman because he was a Fabrikator. I can’t say I love Jesper as a character that much, but he was still much more entertaining than Matthias because he’s so fucking funny. In fact, this entire book made me laugh out loud at certain parts—which is rare, because I’m beginning to realise that a lot of the fantasies I’ve read aren’t so funny. 

Like, look at this:

By the way, even this innocuous little piece of banter had a purpose later. That’s how ingenious this story is. 

Gah, I can’t take it. I have not spoken about Inej yet, but make no mistake; I love her to bits—she’s such a self-respecting queen. Like, she is not here to fix anyone, to be fucking Bob the Builder like fucking Evangeline from OUABH. This is exactly what she thinks: 

Inej, you are a fucking queen. You are everything. You have a giant heart, yet you know your worth, and you are a badass, yet you are not invulnerable, and you are just *chef’s kiss*. 

Fuck, this is definitely going to be one of my favourite books of all time. I love the Crows so much (well, most of them). I’m nursing a hell of a hangover and I don’t know how I can go back to other fantasy books without missing the hell out of them—and comparing male leads to Kaz without them coming up short. (Of course, there are exceptions like my boy in Cruel Prince but that's because I am biased. By the way... Jude and Kaz, if they ruled a kingdom together? Sheer chaos.)

Is this a perfect book? No. I skimmed certain parts like some of Nina and Matthias’ chapters, and I’m still not sure how to feel about the sugar scheme being abandoned completely. Also, colour me a sadist, but I was slightly disappointed Inej came out totally unharmed from the kidnapping. I think the tongue-ripping in The Stolen Heir really set my expectations too high, lol. Another thing - Mathias suddenly being brainy with Jesper and Kuwei when he was a stupid oaf in the first book had me confused, too. Him being "military" isn't really strong enough of an explanation for me.

Regardless, the story hit so many spots for me, and I’m happy that I finally got to this so wildly acclaimed series and enjoyed what it had to offer.

Better late than never, as they say. 

- 27 July 2023