#and ive got friends and a lil sister who are young and they look up to me and im just this fool running on empty like

[ii-viixx]

tw: venting, self-harm/sh, blood mentions, mommy issues ranting (if that’s an actually trigger, sorryyyy), family issues, ect

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sorry for this long ahh vent or wtvr the fck i wrote was. also idk i jst started to add other stuff to it, i got bored & jst wanted to vent even more. sorry if it doesn't make much sense, its 4 in da morning

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Why’d I let him do that. Did it even happen.. ?? Every day that I don’t speak about it,, or when I do it feels like guilt swallowing me whole. Was it real? Was it real? Was it real? Was it real? FUCK…. Or is it another of my little ass stories. Fuck, I’m so stupid. So very stupid. FUCKKKK !!!! UGHHHH. Why’d I let him touch me,,,, he touched me he touched me he touched me he touched me… Maybe??? IDK,, I wanna rip the skin off my flesh & cry.. fuxking start laughing like the fucking Joker when I do. Did it even happen? Did it? Did it? Did it? Did it? Was it real Was it real was it real was it real… I lwk be feeling like that one line, it went smth like: “pretty enough to be sexualized, but not pretty enough to be loved” 🤯 Lmfaooo (am I going crazy???? idk am i am i am i am i am. no im not… right? maybe i do need mental help, maybe I really do…). I get stared often. It’s strange but I sometimes like the attention. I sometimes think that I’m not worthy of love. It’s weird being horny almost all the damn time? is it cuz i’m a teen or did my constant exposure & most likely SA experience fuck me so bad that I became hyper sexual???

.. Gosh, I feel like a freak whenever I think of myself in that way… yk that reminds me.. when I was younger, around 7,,, I was taking pictures or jst plain staring at my budding chest… Even though I wasn’t deflowered, I still felt like my petals fell anytime I was stared at by older men or getting touched by him,,, Him him him.. Him. Did he did he did he did he? I need answers. Maybe I’m just sick in the head for thinking he touched me,,, did he? Maybe he did, maybe he didn’t. In the end we were jst kids. Enough abt that. Let’s go onto how I became who I am today. I grew up to a single mother. Typical. My dad left us before I was even born (rude but whatevs). We moved at least 3 times before settling down. Whoo… She was a fucking mess my mom was a mess. A pretty heavy drinker & smoker. I was surrounded by it from her, her boyfriend (now ex), his lil friends & maybe hers? idk. She used to kick me out & lock me out the door, I got used to it but I got lucky if her ex decided to open it for me. She was abusive, physically, maybe ? idk but i’m pretty sure she did. I blocked out a ton of shit from my childhood 💀 growing up she used to call me names & hit me even tho i didn’t do nothing. wrong. She’d talk to me abt her feelings & venting. (Wow way to do a number to a fucking 3yo). She’d vent abt her troubles. I had to learn how to feed $ dress myself when she didn’t want to. I don’t think she likes me as a person but she definitely loves as a daughter. So hypocritical, but sometimes so am I. Ive come to realize that I’m almost like an exact copy of her. from her face, hair, personality, the way we present, ourselves, up to the way we fucking talk. My family even says so. But as much as I hate to admit, I can see the almost uncanny resemblance, well obviously i’m aware of the whole: ’YoU’Re boUnd to LooK liKE YOur MoTHer, yoU cAME fROm hER’ ik that but it’s annoying to hear it almost every fucking day, I live & breathe. It’s annoying as shit. But that’s also why I was piercing & highlights. Jst to have at least some type of different between us, jst so I can’t hear other ‘OMG!!! U look *jst* like ur mother! Like a little mini-her’. It was cute the first 3 or 7 times, but after what.. almost two decades of hearing that sentence. It gets pretty annoying. What I despise equally as much is when ppl say ‘Dang you looked jst like her sister’ (towards my mom). She looks pretty young yea, but it’s annoying too. Though in the end. I love her, I’m proud of her. She’s really trying to better herself, and whatnot. But fuck, please for the love of god; go to therapy woman. U need it, I need it, even nana (grandma) needs it. Almost everyone in my family needs ts. We’re all fucked up in a way. more shit cuz y not.. i started self-harming/sh around the age of 3-5. It was jst simple: hitting myself, hair pulling, scratching, bruising. I did it when I got stressed w home life, when I was angry, sad or jst felt like it. I stopped for a bit, but then it was a whole cycle once more. On & off typa things. Though,, one summer after going crazy abt whether to cut or not. My friend showed her twt feed, I saw video after video of ppl cutting, slicing, bleeding, ect. I was skhakjng, basically tweaking out like how Tweek from SP/South Park does (not exactly but similarly). I bit my tongue. After the skool yr was over, the first official night of summer, I decided to grab a pencil sharpener, unscrew the blade & I gently swiped it across my thighs. No blood, it stung like crazy doe. i barely even cut the skin. That’s when I started to go a bit deeper, jst out of the blue. That’s when I hit blood, no styro tho. Something went over me & I went deeper, pushing the blade onto my arms. I checked the wound. My first styro, my heart was racing, pounding. I was excited. I did even more styros, some a bit deeper than others. I still have every scar to show it. Even the little 4 straight-ish ones that look like little slopes or rows of corn.

[jaeminlore]

bros,,,,,,, i am,,,,,, so done ,,,,,,,,

[peakyblindersxx]

whiskey business - john shelby x reader (part 6 of ?)

gif by my queen @michaelgreys, i'm basically her fanblog now but im not mad about it :) i mean just look at him!!1! i almost fainted

a/n: first of all, if you stuck around to this point, tysm for reading!!! this has been one of the most amazing fics ive ever been a part of and it's all thanks to the gorgeous @stxdyblr-2k, who generously took control of the next few parts. her brain is beautiful and we all owe her flowers or something. when i read what she sent me i couldn't bring myself to change much except for some small edits, so pls give her lots of love if you like it!!!! i'm still working on requests as well :)

love, abi xxx

read part one two three four five | my masterlist

tagging: @datewithgianni, @mayaslifeinabox, @deepdonutkid, @springsoulofengland, @lilymurphy03

prompt: nothing this good can last forever. john doesn't know how to feel, and neither do you.

warnings: nsfw! a teensy bit of smut, angsty as fuck prepare yourselves accordingly, a lil fluff if u squint, yeah this fucked me up

Obviously, it wasn't the last time.

Over the coming months you had many last times; his mouth pressed against your neck said as much. As his responsibility at work increased, you'd find yourself heading to his office after your lectures and night classes more often, perched on his lap, smoking, while he finished up his numbers under your critical gaze.

Thomas was more than aware; his snarky comments made it obvious he had his ways of monitoring your actions. You'd seen the dark car lurking outside your rallies and lectures, and no matter how you'd try to throw him off, not even telling Ada where you were going and even, in a moment of desperation, through your neighbours back window, somehow, his silent shadow was still looming. He was practically begging you to make a mistake, to give everyone an easy out. You just couldn't give him the satisfaction. You knew Tommy saw the world as a chess board, always several moves ahead of his opponent. Even when you played him in chess club all those years ago, you could outflank him if you thought on your feet and kept him thinking he was winning until you obliterated him in the end game. It was brutal, sure. But as he told you, there were bigger games at play. You had your own. Thomas could read your mail, intercept your phone calls and have you followed, but he couldn't hear what you said out of earshot. Your lot could smell an interceptor in your ranks, so spying at that close of a proximity was out of the question.

That's why he'd decided to let you have John. You knew his silent approval and his constant management of the narrative meant he saw a tactical gain. There was only so much information he could get from Ada, but John? He just had to agitate him in the right way and all your secrets would come tumbling out. It was difficult hiding your world from John; of what he knew of, he was supportive, quizzing you over current affairs and political discourse, listening intently. Yet, you had to watch your mouth. You had to keep a barrier up and you knew John sensed the distance. Fundamentally, there was nothing either of you could do.

So here you were, in a comfortable limbo. Your days were filled with work, evenings were for lectures and reading groups at the city's university, Ada and you often stopped for a drink or three; you'd go by your flat to freshen up, and then to John's office. Sometimes, you wouldn't visit for a week or so when the guilt sent you over the edge, it was draining to be living so many lives and knowing you were betraying the person you loved most on earth. Ada was oblivious, taking you on her nightly adventures filled with men, dancing and waiting while she was busy kissing in dark corners. Sometimes a young blinder would ask if you wanted to be walked home. The first occurrence you thought was sweet, but as the nights it occurred coincided with nights John seemed extra pent up, you'd decided to ask. The boy, who couldn't be older than twelve but who you knew was trained in using firearms and had a revolver pinned to his hip and a razor in his cap, looked confused.

"Mate, it's not a tough question. Why do you come and ask?"

"There's a phone call." He shrugs, "Isaiah or Michael tells us to go and get you."

Isaiah and Michael were somewhat aware? Fucking hell. Your fling was basically a military campaign at this point, so many of your friends were complicit. The little lads who ran as messengers around Birmingham were complicit. You had to just end it.

But when you sat on his thigh, his chin hooked over your shoulder, it felt so worth it. He never turned you away when you came crawling back. He never mentioned it until after you were finished, hooked under his arm.

"Fucking missed you, gorgeous."

Sometimes he'd remind you not to be a stranger with a wink, but you could tell it was tearing him apart too. He never once came to you. That's how he could justify it in his mind; obviously, the bare minimum was not having sex with his sister's best friend, but in failing that, waiting for you to initiate it was somewhat better. He barely talked to Ada now, citing work as an excuse, but truly the guilt sickened him. He couldn't believe he was prepared to continuously hurt his little sister and betray her. But every time you turned up at his door, he couldn't find it in himself to turn you away. In his mind, every single time you came to visit him was the last time he'd let it happen, yet he was always waiting for you to come back, his blind closed to signal he was prepared. He never would call, it had to be your choice.

You'd been off and on for over five months now. It was so difficult to hide in plain sight, but you just couldn't stop yourself. Neither of you purposefully meant for this to be happen but fuck, was it fun.

For your birthday he'd gifted you a fur coat from the same shop his sister, aunt and the fashionable crowd of Birmingham had purchased theirs. He joked that you looked like a "proper razor chaser", kissing you when you pouted at his teasing, begging you to wear only the coat when you fucked him next. It was a practice for blinders to buy a coat for their wives and girlfriends as a status symbol. You were neither, but John claimed that being his "favourite lass" also counted.

John was a laugh, but you knew at any time he could close his door to you. Until he decided he couldn't be bothered with you, you weren't going to get caught. You just had to be careful until he got bored.

***

You did end up putting a foot wrong. It was a Thursday night; you were sitting on the edge of John's desk while he was ridding you of your blouse. It was past midnight, Birmingham was asleep. You almost didn't bother coming out tonight, but you knew John had lost a deal and you wanted to be there for him. Your skirt and stockings were strewn across the desk with his shirt, vest and waistcoat, muddled into the files and papers which were once neatly stacked.

His fingers were pumping in and out of you, his mouth lapping at your breast, your head tipped back in euphoria, groaning. The stress made him more affectionate and tender with you, and it was nights like these that made you wonder. Wonder if this could ever be something more, something real.

John's body suddenly pulled away from yours, quickly turning the light off.

"John, what-" You were cut off by John’s hand over your mouth, muffling your words.

"Shut up and get behind the desk." He hissed. "Someone's coming upstairs."

You quickly grabbed your clothes from the shiny oak surface and crouched, hiding yourself from view, quickly making yourself decent. You weren't going to get shot through the head with your tits out. You listened to the stairs creek, and it sounded like a group. You two were easily outnumbered. They were talking, but the thick panels of wood muffled their voices.

As your eyes adjusted to the darkness, the cracks in the door giving the room a dulled glow, you could make out the figure of John. He was free of his shirt, toned body on display, standing with his back flat to the wall, revolver produced from a discreet notch in the door frame, gaze fixed on where they'd enter. He was tense, ready. The door was unlocked from the outside, the door handle twisting.

John's lip shifted in confusion yet still he kept his trigger finger ready, not a single shake from your general.

The light flicked on and a shriek rang out. It was blinding, and you stood up slightly dazed. Finn was in the doorway, John next to him clutching his chest, panting and lowering the gun.

"Jesus Christ, Finn, can't you knock like a normal person? Scared the shit out of us." John bellowed, shaking as the adrenaline coursed through his body, resting his hands on the edge of the desk as he regained his breath.

"You're the one who pointed a gun at me! I didn't even know you were in 'ere!" Finn yelped.

The commotion had attracted the attention of Ada and Isaiah, who had come running and stopped in their tracks upon seeing you standing behind John's desk in the middle of the night. They weren't stupid. John was topless, your clothes obviously rumpled, both with matching tousled hair and practically stinking of guilt. You'd been caught red handed. Ada's eyes flicked between both you and John, and you could practically see the pieces of the puzzle clicking together in her mind, all the moments she found questionable since you'd returned suddenly making sense, realising she had been deceived by the two people who she was meant to trust most in life. Finn looked absolutely crushed, he'd never been able to conceal his emotions as well as his older brothers and sister, linking his fingers through Ada's, squeezing her hand.

"I forgot to drop this off earlier." Finn stated, holding up a money box, "Ada had keys so we thought we'd sneak in so I wouldn't get done by Tommy. We did call round yours, Y/N. We thought you were in bed."

"I'm sorry." You said. It was not enough but you just didn't know what else to say. You couldn't make it right, you'd really fucked up this time. Tears pricked at your eyes, as Ada examined you in silence.

John stepped in front of you defensively. "Look, Ada-"

"How long has this been going on?" She asked, her voice shaking with rage. You and John exchanged a glance. "I said, how fucking long?"

"Five months, six in a fortnight." He answered.

Isaiah whistled lowly. "That's fucked. I thought it was only a few times, that it'd finished."

"Never really over when it's John is it." Finn interjects, you glance to him, were you just one in a long string? You shouldn't be surprised but it was easy to pretend he may actually care about you.

"You've been fucking around for six months behind my back?" Ada yelped, Finn trying to comfort her but she pulled away from him. "And you fucking knew Iz."

"I'd expect this from you, yeah? Wouldn't put anything past you these days.." she sneered at John, "But you? You?! You're meant to be my best mate, but here you are sneaking about fucking my brother?"

"Ada-" you began, eyes welling with tears.

"I thought I could trust you. You're just another fucking razor chaser, aren't you?" She spits. "That's why you came back."

"No it wasn't, Ada-"

Her eyes flashed with anger, but this time John was on the receiving end. "You bought her that fucking coat ,didn't you? The fur one. You did! Fuck's sake!" Her fists were clenched, shoulders squared. For the first time in your life, you understood why crowds parted for Ada Shelby. Understood all the free drinks and cab rides, the nervous serving staff declaring your meal on the house (always acknowledged by Ada with a hefty tip), understood why the men of Birmingham didn't last long with her.

"Did it feel good to swan about town in that fucking coat, while acting as though you cared about me? It's so fucking embarrassing. All trussed up because my knobhead big brother makes you feel special? Thanks for rubbing it in my face."

"Ada, I love you. I never meant to hurt you, I got caught up and that's on me. It's my fault."

"You're not acting like you love me. This isn’t what love is, Y/N." She retorted.

You couldn’t do anything but nod. She was right.

John opened his mouth to speak, Ada silencing him, a scowl darkening her features.

"I don't care what you have to say. Any of you. Who else knows?"

"Thomas, Michael, Arthur-" John listed off slowly, each name prompting Ada to break down a little bit more in front of you.

"I didn't know Arthur knew." You said pointedly, John sending you an exasperated glance. He was planning on dealing with that later, but right now was about his sister. Fuck him if he thought you were going to stick around much longer. You didn't want to hear him justify everyone else knowing about your fling with your best friend being left completely in the dark.

"That all you have to say for yourself?" Ada snaps at you.

"I have fucking no defense, do I Ada? I should've walked away." You pushed your hair back, frustrated at yourself, tears pricking at the corners of your eyes. You begged yourself not to cry. Tears wouldn't help anything.

"Why didn't you?"

You didn't know. Your silence only riled her up.

"Why didn't you fucking walk away?" Ada yelled, slamming her hands on the desk.

You felt hot tears run down your face, quickly moving your hands to dab at your tears.

"Don't you dare fucking cry. After all you've done, you don't get to cry in front of me." Ada growled at you, John going to shush her, obviously wanting to comfort you. "You can all fuck off. You've all lied to me and gone behind my back. Fuck’s sake, you could've just told me. You could've just told me."

"We didn't want to hurt you." John said, reaching out to squeeze her shoulder but she flinches away.

"This hurts so much more. You get that you all lying to me is so much worse, don't you?"

"We weren't thinking."

"You really fucking weren't." Ada laughs bitterly, shaking her head, blinking away tears. "Fuck you lot."

She stormed out, tailed by Finn, begging her to slow down and talk to him, protesting his innocence in the situation. Isaiah hesitated in the doorway, his eyes flickering between you and John.

"I had no idea you two've been at it for so long."

"Iz, fuck off yeah? I've had enough today." John shot back, sliding across the desk towards you. "You alright, lass?"

"We're done here, John."

He slid off the table, his hand cupping your face, "Hey, gorgeous, I get it but don't go breaking my heart tonight. Can we just leave this for tomorrow? Sleep on it."

The idea of getting any sleep at all tonight was laughable, you'd be up all night replaying these moments and torturing yourself. Tonight couldn't get any worse so you had to finally end it. Now was the right time.

"John, it should've never happened."

"But it did."

"I don't want to talk about this anymore. It's over."

"Y/N. You know for me it was never just about-"

"You're making it difficult. Stop making it difficult. Whatever you say isn't going to change that right now we have to do the right thing."

"I know you're right, but I don't want to let go. Is it so wrong to want you? I adore you, you know that."

You wouldn't meet his eyes. Sighing, John pressed his forehead to the side of your head, chin brushing your shoulder, eyes closing. He was begging you to stay with him. There had to be a solution, you'd figure it out together. His voice was cracking, eyes glassy. He looked so much younger when he was pleading. The tall bloke who terrorised the Midlands with his razor rimmed cap, a revolver in his hand, and a ruthless trigger finger had vanished. You wanted to stay, burning to curl up with him and for him to kiss it better.

"I should go." You told him. He rested his forehead on your shoulder, letting out a shaky sigh before pulling away, nodding.

"I'd drive you home but obviously-"

"Obviously."

John suddenly turned from you, eyes narrowing at Isaiah who was still hovering at the door. "Thought I told you to fuck off. Make yourself useful and get Y/N home safely." His tone was ice cold once again.

Isaiah nodded, offering his arm to you. You reached the door and instinctively looked back at John. His eyes met yours, staring at you from his desk, just as you knew he would. He prepared himself to watch you leave every night, but this time was different. That was it with you two.

Isaiah strode down the street with you in silence. You were tucked into his side as was customary with the upcoming blinders who were particularly ambitious, but there was no relaxed chat.

"Isaiah. What’re you thinking?" You asked, voice tinged with nervousness.

He sighed, running his free hand across his jaw, "That was intense in there."

"Just how he is." You shrugged.

"Does he love you or sommet?"

"Fuck knows… does it matter?"

"Of course it does. Do you love him?"

"Drop it. None of that matters, it shouldn't have happened in the first place so it can’t," You snapped, the anger at the situation you'd created suddenly overwhelming.

Isaiah whistled, raising his brow at your obvious turmoil. "You're in fucking deeper than you want to admit."

He walked you up your path, watching you turn the key to the side door leading to your bedsit. You paused, turning to him.

"Iz… I don't know what to do next."

It was so dark, you could see his face only by the lit cigarette burning to embers between his fingers. He inhaled deeply, pausing before delivering his carefully laid out plan of avoidance. Obviously the event of him crossing the Shelbys and losing their good graces weighed heavily on his mind. You nodded, listening intently, noting his ideas of relocation but he explained they were a final resort. The best thing to do was try to regain their trust; in the long run, he had calculated, it was the only option that didn't result in your life being haunted by the Shelbys. Even if they left you alone, their enemies would make a point to go after you, seeing you as an easy target. The other option was to leave the country.

"Good luck, Y/N. I mean it." He muttered as you turned the handle to the temporary safety of your home. You nodded, offering you cheek for the polite good night kiss you'd become accustomed to. He rolled his eyes and obliged, pressing an affectionate kiss to your cheek and ruffling your hair. "I'm serious. Watch your back."

***

John broke down when he finally heard the lock click shut. His eyes had been prickling with boiling tears, his jaw tensed to hold them back. He yelled out in anger, flipping his desk with force, a loud crash as the wood splintered against the stone flooring, glass shattering from the photo frames. His hands went to his head, unable to stop the gasping breaths escaping from his trembling lips, his face reddening.

"Fuck’s sake." He growled. He'd fucked everything up. He had nothing, just as he'd told you the first night you returned. The consequence was no surprise, he'd anticipated the fall out for a while, but he couldn't resist you. He was completely guilty and had no defense; his only justification being that you made him think with his cock, not his brain.

Fuck’s sake. Polly was going to murder him. She'd always had a soft spot for Ada, as the only girl in the family, and was no stranger to lecturing him over his flirtatious behaviour around Ada's friends. She'd murder him. He had a half mind to never go home. He rubbed at his eyes with his knuckles. Polly had no use for tears. That's what she'd tell him when he was a boy coming home with a skinned knee. This was far worse.

He was also sure that he was a worse brother than Tommy, perhaps the worst in the world. His baby sister, who he'd helped to toddle, carry proudly on his shoulders after school and race with her on his back through the fields on the outskirts of Small Heath, had walked in on him obviously in the midst of fucking her best mate. If he had swallowed his pride and actually talked to her, he wouldn't be in this mess. He could've told her that things changed, that for the same reasons Ada loved Y/N he had fallen for her, that he was truly sorry but she had to know before it got too far and someone got hurt. He couldn't go back.

He should've never approached you that night.

He should never approach you again.

He looked over the mess of his office, the splintered wood and shards of glass, a confetti of paperwork. Now nothing mattered. None of this mattered. He'd lost everything and he had only himself to blame.

[efkgirldetective]

good that won't go out

~part VI~ { part I & part II & part III & part IV & part V}

& just like that—this wartime drabble series reaches its end ! much love & thanks to the anon who sent in the final prompt & gratitude to all who sent in previous prompts! if i didn’t end up using yours don't fret, at some point in the future i'll do little standalones—as always, thank you for reading&supporting! 💞enjoy!

spoon + green + excitement

James is setting the dinner table ill at ease.

Or rather—setting Lily ill at ease.

Even despite their conversation in the bedroom, not minutes ago, long and roundabout and accomplishing little, a parade of unfounded concerns—

“Tell me why you’re so worried.”

“It’s just...it’s them.”

“Yes—and?”

“And! Lily, it’s—them.”

“Repeating the word with slightly more emphasis isn’t helpful.”

“It’s—I don’t—it’s difficult. I’m a bundle of nerves, and—”

“—basket case, yes—”

“Lils, love, honest, you must understand—you told me, yeah? You were so strange, all day. Tell me you understand.”

“I understand, yes, but—I knew you would...be okay. Be there. I knew. You must know they’ll be just the same.”

“Yes, I know, I know, but...”

“Fucking hell. It’s spaghetti and meatballs and I’m pregnant, Potter, we’ve got to leave the bedroom and face the music.”

“I love you, I do, it’s just—”

“I’m going out. I’ll tell them on my own.”

“No! Evans! I’m—okay, I’m coming, I’m coming, honest, I’m just—”

“Certifiable basket case. I love you, too.”

—even despite it all, his leg bounces—erratically, continuously—up and down beneath the table; absolutely, undeniably ill at ease.

Lily catches the hike of his thigh with her hand. Stills him. Lets him know, out of the corner of her eye, that he is not alone.

“Bread?” she asks, carefully.

“Oh,” he says, and he swallows. Across the table, Peter is elbow-deep in spaghetti and meatballs; oblivious, blissful. Remus pours wine with his wand hand—Lily refuses her glass with a shake of the head—and dabs at Sirius’ already stained jumper with his other hand. Sirius, unconcerned with the jumper, dirty or not, bats at the prying hand and attempts, in one bold go, to drain his entire glass.

James blinks at Lily. “I would like—yes, bread.”

Lily pins him with a purposeful smile. Hands him a piece of bread and mouths, I love you. His throat contracts. She nudges his thigh with hers. Go on.

“Right, erm—er, lads?”

“Lads?” Peter frowns, immediately, up and about from his plate. “Lads, James?”

“Lads,” Remus repeats, brow tense, letting go of the mucked-up jumper, lowering the wine with his wand. “Something big, now is it?”

Sirius looks up and stares: Suspecting. Eyes land on Lily and she keeps them but just smiles, halfway, looks back to her—to the center of herself.

Who is, still, ill at ease. Gone a bit blue-green. “Okay,” he clears his throat and shifts in his chair and everyone stares. “Okay.”

“Oh, in this century, love,” Lily whispers.

“It is big,” James says, pained.

“It is big,” Remus echoes.

Sirius—staring. Picks up a spoon and starts fiddling.

Peter’s frown deepens. He misreads. “Bad as well as big?”

“No, no,” James shakes his head. “Not bad.”

Lily’s hand tightens on his thigh. Comforting squeeze. Somewhere, through an open window, a cool wind. Autumn trees murmuring.

Sirius toys compulsively with the spoon. It clatters, gently, over knuckles.

“We’ve something to—” James sort of stops, and takes one look at Lily, and with her nodding takes her hand from his leg and holds tight and finishes—“something to tell you, lads.”

“Lads.” The spoon clangs, suddenly, against the table—Sirius sucks in an anxious breath. “Go on, then, what the fuck?”

“It’s—there’s to be a—?” Remus is patient and calm; steadfast, always.

James inhales. He brings their hands up to the table, as if to present their connection; physical, real. Lily’s breath leaves her lungs evenly. The room feels safe. The tablecloth is dark green. It grounds them to the space they’re in; this is growth. This is forward.

James exhales.

“A baby. There’s to be a baby.”

A moment of still and silence. Lily watches the words roll over faces: Peter, frown unyielding, somehow deeper and more expansive, yet; Remus, leaning back in his chair and regarding Lily and James in equal measure, expression still patient, still calm; and Sirius, now grasping the spoon so hard his knuckles whiten with the hold, eyes pinned, fastidiously, to Lily’s.

“A baby,” is Peter’s first attempt at grasping. “You mean—you’ve a cousin who’s—you mean, Lily’s shit sister is—you mean—a baby...”

Remus smiles, gently—something small, something knowing. Lily catches that eye, and is smiling, too. He knows.

Sirius—spoon askew, determined, furrowed brow—watches her smile bloom. “Okay, I’m—” he cuts off, he swallows something back.

James is watching him—is anxious, fumbling at Lily’s hand. She feels his breath shallow and complicate. She curbs the urge to roll her eyes. Decides, instead, to be plain.

“I’m pregnant,” she says, and leaves her breath hanging off the end, as if there’s more—though that’s all there is.

Peter looks tossed into the ocean sans life raft. “Lily, you?” Remus is beginning to beam, and—Sirius, with his restless spoon, face still stoic, until—he releases a stream of air so quick and so long that it startles, then stills, and he breaks, instantly, into a grin; a real, cracked-open grin; lets out a wide and unbelieving laugh. Reaches out instantly to their hands with both of his own, folding half-over the table, which clatters at the movement—his grey eyes aglimmer, glistening.

“Bloody hell,” he breathes. “It’s true?”

“Yeah,” James chokes.

Peter stands right up from the table, face lighting with joy, a wide, uninhibited thing, eyebrows skybound. “Pregnant?”

Peter, who is always learning in solid words and true feelings—in the middle of the kitchen, rounding the table, aside the dark green cloth, approaching them, the parents-to-be, putting a determined hand on each of their shoulders—and Lily thinks, he looks so young. Blonde hair in disarray, tshirt untucked. Smile crooked and true.

Her heart, she finds, is aching—and this is just the start.

She feels Sirius’ hands a little bit trembling, and hears Remus laugh, a farmiliar, grounding sound—sees his eyes gone a little bit wet, and it’s too much, all at once, it’s everything: Chairs scraping the ground and everyone suddenly piling onto to her and James with breathy, urgent laughter; arms circling bodies and gripping, tightly, faces pressed into shoulders—James slips his arm around her, stable and constant; the group convened in a unified mass, instinctively, like a heartbeat, centering; Peter begins to weep, openly, declaring, “I knew it was odd, with the wine, I know you like some wine, Lils—” and she laughs, wiping at her eyes, “yes, yes, I like more than a little wine, anyways—” and the damn quite broken, the deluge of Sirius and his hands at both of their cheeks, shaking, demanding, “how long’ve you known?” and even with James insisting, “just last week,” Sirius is apoplectic with the loss of a week, bemoaning, “a week? A bloody week you’ve been waltzing around knowing—and I—” Remus ducks around the overreaction, clasping Lily’s hand, gentle, “I’m so happy for you,” and James cranes his neck, “just Lily? I had a good hand in the—” and Remus laughs, insisting, “obviously happy for you, no need to go on about your good hand—” and Lily insists, simultaneously, “it’s a tender moment, Potter, honestly—” and Sirius wails, positively wails, “sweet Merlin—" his body tucked firmly between the Lily and James—“my dearest friends? To be parents? The most tender of—” he throws himself into James’ shoulder, completely undone. “The most tender of moments—Prongs, hold me.”

James, with his own clouded-over eyes, holds his friend, tempers all the tumultuous feelings; meets Lily’s eyes over the mass, offers a quiet, emphatic, “yeah—yeah, it is tender.”

The moment, tender, everlong, suffuses with a good so like a circle—no edges, no end, always coming back around—and Lily knows, with stark and certain faith, that it’s the kind of good that won’t go out.

The kind of good that will linger, long after things go wrong—horribly, terribly long—long after the good doesn’t feel like good. Even then. Even then—it will bloom where it’s buried. Bloom—and bloom, and bloom.

A good that grows. Without pain, without malice. Just good.

[ironcrwned-archive]

hi friends ! it’s me ur resident clown, bonnie, & i’m stoked to be in this rp with all of you ! i’m 20, located in the est, and i use she/her pronouns ! i’m currently procrastinating all my school work so ! there’s that. below the cut are my babies’ intros, so like this and i’ll hit u up for plotting ! i got out of hand and this is super long so if this is overwhelming, there’s a tl;dr at the bottom !

𝐈𝐍𝐓𝐑𝐎𝐃𝐔𝐂𝐈𝐍𝐆 : 𝒙𝒂𝒗𝒊𝒆𝒓 𝒆𝒖𝒈𝒆𝒏𝒆 𝒇𝒊𝒕𝒛𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒃𝒆𝒓𝒕 –– THE ARTIST

alex fitzalan. twenty-three. cismale. he/him. one sib. ––– hey , there’s XAVIER FITZHERBERT from AURADON walking past the castle. they’re the OLDEST child of RAPUNZEL AND EUGENE ‘FLYNN’ FITZHERBERT , isn’t that cool ? talk says they can be pretty - NAIVE , but don’t let that worry you – they can be + BENEVOLENT too. say , don’t you think they remind you of DANCING WITH YOUR FRIENDS UNTIL YOU CAN’T BREATHE, WARM HUGS FROM THE PEOPLE THAT LOVE YOU, NOT WANTING TO GROW UP JUST YET & BOYISH SMILES, or is that just me ? 

𝒒𝒖𝒊𝒄𝒌 𝒇𝒂𝒄𝒕𝒔 

the oldest child born to rapunzel & flynn, and it is obvious that he took after rapunzel with his temperament

a soft soul, his smiles always reach his eyes, dimples and cheekbones are his trademarks honestly

growing up, he was always outside, playing with his mother & father & sister ( though he is more of a momma’s boy tbh )

probably made ( and currently makes ) flower crowns for himself and friends

and his strong connection to rapunzel , it’s obvious young xavier got his artistic talent from her

he constantly has paint on his fingers and hands, a sketchbook in his bag with pastels and paints and oils from all over the place

most likely has drawn everyone he’s ever met in his sketchbook and then given it to them for their birthday and/or a holiday

his parents both loved him very very much growing up, and it’s obvious in how he acts. he never hesitated to come to them if there were problems or issues with anything in his life ( friends, relationships, schooling )

xavier is ~kind of~ a partier in the sense he is ALWAYS down to go out and have fun and dance with his friends , but he rarely ever gets out of control due to substances or anything

is currently having a Crisis about his sexuality because he’s really only ever been with females but now he’s just like ... seeing a cute guy and is like wait a min.. 

he hopes to become some type of royal painter or something one day because art is truly his passion 

𝒑𝒆𝒓𝒔𝒐𝒏𝒂𝒍𝒊𝒕𝒚 

okay so obviously, this boy is a big old softie 

he will ALWAYS drop everything he is doing to help someone out, it never matters with him

can be a little ( a lot ) on the awkward side & tries really really hard to not be but it really is just how he is and sometimes it’s endearing and sometimes it’s...like watching aladdin ( 2019 ) scene where aladdin meets jasmine the first time as prince ali .. it’s pretty bad

he is ESPECIALLY cringey when he is talking to someone attractive ( and they’re male/nb and he’s having a Crisis ) and they’re flirting with him...phew just kno that his ears ? are as red as merida’s hair

most likely will never know if someone’s taking advantage of him/using him

𝒑𝒍𝒂𝒚𝒍𝒊𝒔𝒕 

hi i just like making playlists for my characters so ppl know the Vibe™️

i. talk too much // coin – ii. supercut // lorde. – iii. boy’s dont cry // the cure. – iv. made of light // mikky ekko – v. chicago // sufjan stevens – vi. eyes shut // years & years

𝒘𝒂𝒏𝒕𝒆𝒅 𝒑𝒍𝒐𝒕𝒔

u can check out his tag right here ! so if u see anything u fancy, just lmk !!

but also!! friends!! probably people that he grew up around a lot bc of who his parents were

mayb someone who is the opposite of him ( maybe a villain kid ) who he tries to like ... encourage idk , i just rly like unlikely friendships !

someone who watches out for him , esp because he’s always taking care of others and most likely forgets to take care of himself ( taken by: giselle desroches )

maybe some exes?? most likely females for rn bc he’s discovering his sexuality but these were probably like ... friendly break ups

literally anything i’m pretty easy going !

okay now onto my trash child

𝐈𝐍𝐓𝐑𝐎𝐃𝐔𝐂𝐈𝐍𝐆 : 𝒄𝒂𝒔𝒔𝒂𝒏𝒅𝒓𝒂 𝒂𝒏𝒕𝒐𝒊𝒏𝒆𝒕𝒕𝒆 𝒆𝒗𝒂𝒏𝒔 –– THE SPITFIRE

olivia holt. twenty-two. cisfemale. she/her. two sibs. ––– hey , there’s CASSANDRA ‘CASSIE’ EVANS from THE ISLE walking past the castle. they’re the YOUNGEST child of CLAYTON , isn’t that cool ? talk says they can be pretty - MANIPULATIVE , but don’t let that worry you – they can be + RESOURCEFUL too. say , don’t you think they remind you of HAIR TIED INTO PONYTAILS WITH RIBBONS, KNOWING YOU CAN DO NO WRONG IN YOUR FATHER’S EYES, AN ARROGANT SMILE AFTER YOU GOT YOUR WAY, & THE FEELING OF BARE FEET IN THE SAND , or is that just me ?  

𝒒𝒖𝒊𝒄𝒌 𝒇𝒂𝒄𝒕𝒔 

the youngest child of clayton ( the bad guy from tarzan )

and when i tell you she is SPOILED omg

growing up she knew she was cute , mostly because clayton was SURE to tell her that and spoil his little girl ( xavier is a momma’s boy & cassie is for sure daddy’s little girl yikes )

so from a young age, she had a little mischievous side to her. 

it started with lil pranks on her siblings and then her dad and most of them weren’t harmful , just annoying but eventually as she went to school at the isle...she became a monster

she knew she had the innocent face so her friends ( !! wanted plot btw ) would pull pranks on other students and even some teachers

and whenever the other students would try to tell the teachers, cassie would put on a little smile and flip the narrative so she looked good and the other person didn’t. i literally can’t stand her

now in auradon, u know she’s gonna be making sh*t hit the fan whenever she gets the chance

big big disaster Bi that flirts with everyone with NO shame

𝒑𝒆𝒓𝒔𝒐𝒏𝒂𝒍𝒊𝒕𝒚 

so obviously cassie is somewhat of a lil monster ( not somewhat, she is a big one )

can be pretty darn manipulative depending on the situation and whether or not she will benefit from it or not

but ! she does have some redeeming qualities ! 

she is super resourceful meaning that her mind is super quick to find the easiest and most time efficient solution to a problem 

and she’s a pretty good smooth talker in bad situations, she’s known to get her friends out of a lot of sticky situations before

very very flirty okay but hates commitment lol

is pretty adventurous as well, loves the outdoors and hiking and swimming especially

 𝒑𝒍𝒂𝒚𝒍𝒊𝒔𝒕 

i. dead weight // pvris. – ii. bad memory // k. flay. – iii. simmer // hayley williams – iv. west coast // lana del rey – v. teach me how to pray // spelles. – vi. don’t hurt yourself // beyonce. 

𝒘𝒂𝒏𝒕𝒆𝒅 𝒑𝒍𝒐𝒕𝒔

u can look in her tag right here ! same thing with xavier , if u see something u wanna do just let me know !!

girl squad !!! probably from the isle too and probably f*cked sh*t up over there and now? they’ll most likely do the same thing over in auradon 

probably has lotsssss of exes because she tends to self-sabotage and leave before things get serious. we love some angst in this household 

people that genuinely dislike her lmao 

people she probably flirts with on the daily basis lol 

𝚝𝚕 ; 𝚍𝚛 ( seriously i need to chill )

ik this was A LOT so i’m just gonna summarize them below lol

xavier fitzherbert : son of rapunzel & flynn, art heaux, discovering his sexuality, a whole awkward mess but just wants to help people!

cassandra ‘cassie’ evans : youngest daughter of clayton from tarzan, a little spitfire that manipulates mostly everyone, disaster bi afraid of commitment, and causes too much trouble all the time 

[goddamnmuses-a]

Dan Watches: Star Wars: Episode IV - A New Hope

Alright so I did this for Episode I which you can find here and then Episode II which you can find here and then Episode III which you can find here. So here’s my weird live reaction/note taking/whatever this is.. to Episode lV.

I remember this being my favourite of the original trilogy because it sets everything up and basically kick started everything but lets see if that changes when i’ve finally got through all of these. 

Also I’m just watching whatever version i can find online because I can’t be bothered to go and find my dvd of it so yeah.. whether we get weird updated version or original effects or whatever, who knows. 

All the old effects like how C3p0 looks and r2d2 are impressive. 

There wasn’t really anything in the opening crawl i felt like commenting on, no big THEY DID THAT IN THE OPENING? but i guess it’s the first one that came out so that makes sense. 

WTF did the stormtroopers use to get that door open, that was so explosive wtf.

Also the blasters are like set to 10000 and smoke is everywhere. 

How did nobody shoot the dorids?

Yooo little Ani nice suit my dude. 

Hold on, she sent a msg with r2 to go to Obiwan which for 1 howd she know he’s alive? I’m gonna presume her dad said or something and 2.. ..why not just.. go yourself? 

So when they’re set to stun a Stormtrooper can shoot someone no problem

Also we dont get enough stun weird circle blaster shots

Ohhhh she didnt go because the scan for lifeforms thing alright ill allow it

but my dude.. even so.. maybe just shoot it just in case? like.. droids exist and people know about them?

DARTH VADERS LITTLE HANDS ON HIPS! Omfg he’s like “God damn, this bitch again.”

This Vader is a sassy boy. 

I love this guy who works with Vader and doesnt mind chatting back to him. 

Loving the droids in the desert. 

R2 does not look like it would work in a desert. 

C3 like “He tricked me into going this way” stop being a lil bich. 

WOOTINI!

The crawler thingy is badass. 

I thought that was a magnet it was just a big sucky pipe. 

GONK

Oh yep theres the new effects. 

Droids sleep? I guess power saver mode. 

Wtf is that dome droid

Luke! Luuuuuke! Iconic 2 words there. Well reused for that episode of Rebels where Obiwan watches from a distance. 

Bocce.. what a classic language. 

OMG OWEN JUST LET HIM GO INTO TOSHE STATION TO PICK UP SOME POWER CONVERTERS JEEEEZ 

How is that “wasting time with friends” and not chores, going into town to get something sounds like a chore to me. 

Why did they get an atromech anyway? Like.. what’d they need the other droid for? 

C3 is a real bro lbh, if it wasn’t for him, R2 would be with the jawa still. 

Oooh oil bath. sexy. 

I wonder if people ship R2 and C3 because tbh it makes sense to me. 

Luke got an erection at the mention of the rebellion. 

Now it’s getting harder at that random blurry image of his sister. 

R2 is a cheeky lil shit. 

This is just some good home life shit. 

Dat soundtrack. 

You know what.. it’s a really nice home. 

Is it just me or is Owen dressed kinda Jedi-y. 

So is “Sand People” like the racist way to say “Tusken Raider”?

Obiwan, thats a ridiculous fucking noise. 

“Hello There” iconic. 

You know what the Prequels do add a lot to this. 

A young Jedi named Darth Vader.. im sorry.. thats just not a name. 

For someone who wants to get off the planet, Lukes like “Naa but i gotta get home”

Obiwan also just being like “You know what, fuck it here.. lets go.”

You know what as much of a bitch as that guy who gets force choked is, he’s a good actor. 

Also Tarkin yay. 

NOOOOO OWEN AND BERU! YOU BASTARDS!

I feel like he should have dropped to his knees or something there. 

That is a scary droid. 

Cool door close. 

Thats a weird ass CG droid with a hole in. 

None of the other storm troopers gonna wonder why Dave’s being weird? 

Wahey! Figrin Dan and the Model Nodes! Love that Jizz music. 

Who just ugs on the back of a bartenders shirt? Wtf Luke

Yo he didnt even pay for his drink, free drinks?

Who gets the death sentance in 12 systems and goes around bragging? 

The first arm cut off and theres all sortsw of blood which there shouldnt be because lightsabers cauterize the wound, tut tut. 

Gooood scene with Han and Obi, honestly i keep forgetting to comment because im just watching xD

Wahey! Greedo 

If we’re doing a han shot first thing.. Greedo shot first in this version and missed and then Han shot him but tbh i prefer the Han shot first.. makes him more interesting. 

Jabba looks smaller. 

Casual Boba Fett appearance. 

Yooo Poncho. My boy Cal approves. 

Fuck those weird long nose aliens. 

The Falcon looks so good. 

Get those poor guys by the Death Star laser a damn rail. 

We just cool with igniting the lightsaber in front of Han and Chewie? Chewie at least knows wtf it is.

Chewie is a badass. 

Let the Wookie win. 

WTF that isnt the lightspeed effect.. it’s like a weird blanket tunnel 

The fact they get onto the Death Star with no issue is kind of ridiculous. 

The motion of Darth Vader is kinda just.. not fitting right. 

Han just pat Chewie like hes a dog. Rude. 

Han just gets caught up in this without a choice rly. 

He just wants those sweet credits. 

Also Set Design on Star Wars is amazing. 

Leia just lounging all sexy like 

Also does she have a stain on her tit? .. Not that im looking >.>

The Jedi being called a religion is kinda weird but i guess accurate. 

This has to be the worst star to a friendship for all three of them. Chewie seems cool though. 

I also thought the trash compactor scene was earlier on in this movie than it is. 

Who the fucks voice was it that said “Thats your imagination” ? 

How the fuck are they standing if the water is that deep?

I liek the touch of the monster whos name im sure i learnt but forgot let go as if it knew the trash compactor was about to turn on, that implies it has a safe spot down there that it stays. 

Some of the voices sound off on this but ah well 

Hans already a little Handsy with Leia but i think Harrison Ford was sleeping with Carie at the time so like.. i get it. 

Obiwan just strolling about, as you do. 

I love just these giant pits with walkways with no rails. If I worked on the Death Star it’d be a nightmare for me to get around. 

“NO WAIT THEY’LL HEAR!” ...and they’re not gonna hear you shouting?

Stormtroopers just shooting the shit is the best. 

You know what with everyone being like “Wow that ships a shitheap.” I can understand why the prequels made their ships look nicer and newer. 

I love that shooting a door panel in star wars just makes it so the doors wont open at all, thats some good shit. 

Lukes as bad of a shot as a Stormtrooper. 

First little kissy incesty moment but hey it was on the cheek, universally thats fine but im sure at the time this was him setting up that Luke and Leia were gonna end up together, before he decided they were siblings. 

Vader just standing there, lightsaber already out like “Ahhh Mr.Kenobi I’ve been expecting you”

As lack luster as the chroeography is in this fight im kinda thinking of it as like, they’re reading each other, like Obiwan and Maul’s final fight. 

I don’t really know why Obiwan just chooses to die like that but heyo. 

Vader stomping on Obiwans clothes? Why? I guess because he gave himself to the force and thats the first time he’s seen that? 

I love the gunner seats moving around, idk why i just love it. 

Whats the point of the ear peices if they’re just gonna shout at each other. 

Not mentioned it until now but everyone says Leia wrong. 

They’re really harsh to Han tbf

This is like if you got an Uber to a place and then the Uber driver got pulled into a police station because you’re a terrorist and then you have a go at the Uber driver for wanting to leave after he’s got you out of there. 

Another kiss for Luke.. .. okay

I like how Biggs earlier scenes are deleted so when he shows up it’s just this random dude who somehow knows Luke

That air traffic control guy has no idea what hes doing, nobody is even in the air yet or moving, wait. 

Man X wings are cool, makes me think of Battlefronts VR mission thing where you get to pilot one and it’s the coolest VR thing ive done. 

For a space station the size of a moon you’d think they’d have enough fighters to just wipe out the rebels no biggy. 

ALSO if they know the rebel base is on that planet, why not just blow that planet up? 

YAY WEDGE

The targetting computer seems very invasive. 

Those turrets are useless. 

I would have rated it if they let that random dude blow up the Death Star.

Tarkins thinking face is beautiful. What a man, 

If Luke missed this shot, everyone knows he’s turned his targetting computer off, so they would be PISSED

RIP R2. 

HWHAT!? 

Woooo Mr.Solo. 

Well.. Well done Luke you killed a lot of people, some just trying to do a job and live their lives. 

Han, Leia and Luke all went off together all holding each other.. like.. Threesome? 

I’m sorry but after that, someones doing some fucking. 

Leia just giving her lovers, dont @ me, a medal. Thats why Chewie doesnt get one, he wasnt there for the orgy. 

R2 looking fresh. 

You know what, that is a good complete story that actually works on its own, i appreaciate that. 10/10. :P

[blookmallow]

ok heres a not-quite-awake-but-trying ramble about frozen 2, spoilers, probably incoherent

ok first off i LOVED the theatrical quality it had, i really got the “disney park show” vibe from it, there was kind of a lot of. “elsa doing cool shit on a mostly-blank background” though which felt a little odd but works well watching it in a theater because of that broadway vibe

anna finally getting recognized for her own strengths and getting respected as more than just “elsa’s goofy sister”

kristoff getting a proper musical number and it being THAT transcendent experience

elsa somehow managing to top the “complete freedom Transformation” she had in the last movie 

girls being straight up badasses and ESPECIALLY anna, who has no magical powers but is fierce and determined and loyal to the people she loves

the outfit designs?? ALL so good except for the fact that the girls were wearing heels while out adventuring, they looked great but that is not a practical choice lmao

which elsa seemed to notice given that she just kinda went Fuck Shoes partway through

notice how the almost complete absence of the rock trolls improved everything Significantly lmao (though the “im kristoff i gotta go talk to some rocks about my childhood” line was great tho) 

and kristoff just going “I’m here, what do you need” 

he did save her but not because she was a frail woman in need of a hero, he came to her side to help her and support her because that’s what a good partner (and friend) does, not because he was the Hero coming to Save The Day for her 

he didnt try to swoop in and take control, he saw that this was anna’s fight, this was her decision as the person who knows elsa best, as the princess (now QUEEN!!!!!!) of arendelle which is finally being shown as like. a responsibility/a position with real significance and weight and authority and not just “shes the prettiest in the land and gets to wear fancy dresses” 

so he responds with “what do you need,” what can I do that would help you succeed, rather than telling her what He thinks is best, and the choice she made seemed drastic at the time but he doesn’t question her, he just gives her what she needs 

they’ve gone from “she’s naive but well meaning and he thinks shes kinda nuts but he likes her anyway” to “shes learned so much and she can stand on her own now, and he’s behind her 100% and trusts her judgement even if it sounds crazy because he knows she knows what shes doing” 

kristoff and anna are legitimately one of the healthiest couples ive ever seen in disney and people love to hate on frozen but i feel like everything they’re doing here is a huge step in the right direction 

theres still flaws of course, One decent black character in a majority white cast is still a problem, the girls’ faces and proportions compared to kristoff is still an issue, im definitely not saying ‘disney has solved all their problems forever and are Woke Icons Now” but like. this is a vast improvement. even from the first film to this one theres so much character growth, and honestly theres some really, really good role models for little girls here and really good messages about what a healthy, real relationship should be like 

also anna noticing elsa and olaf were asleep and immediately being like “B) its smooch time” was rly cute lmao

slight nitpick, why did they immediately recognize the memory ice thing of their young father but they didn’t recognize their mother 

i mean i guess they knew what had happened to their father so they were expecting to see him but didnt know about their mother so didnt expect to see her but considering “who was it that saved father” was a mystery to them all their lives you’d think “here she is lets see if we recognize anything about her” would be a first priority 

also the little fire salamander thing was very, very cute but didnt really seem to serve any purpose and giving elsa a cute little reptile friend (or. amphibian i guess) when the comparisons with rapunzel have already been a controversy with frozen seems like a really weird move lmao but i also love that lil guy 

waiting on the ‘anna...i dont feel so good’ memes now im not the only one thinking it right

[tumblunni]

Hmm i think i may have possibly settled on an idea for how to rewrite Kin and Gin to be more complex and potentially redeemable.

Gonna focus on The Big Family Love, because these siblibgs caring about each other so much its literally their battle power is already their best and only slightly sympathetic trait

So i was thinking about the whole 'hey here's another third sibling in the third version of the game' thing and had a BIG BRAINWAVE

What if kin and gin want to turn back time to fix a mistake in their past? And all the evil they do with manipulating other people's pasts is something that they regret having to do buy see as a necessary evil in order to achieve their goal.

Their goal? Bronzlow.

Why did he not appear in the original version of the game and wasnt even mentioned? Because he was DEAD.

Kin and Gin's goal in life is to save their baby brother who died when they were children. Maybe his 'funny' clumsiness and struggle to keep up with his sisters was very much not funny in this original timeline. One day the twins were teasing him over something or other, he messed up yet again and got their kite caught in a tree or something. And they were supoosed to be responsible when looking after the lil guy, but on that day they just happened to be a little short tempered with him and made the stupid decision to yell at him to get the kite back even though they knew he wasnt good at climbing. It was just a stupid mistake of some kids who were probably too young to be put in charge of babysitting their brother. He just.. Fell. Everything was over so fast. And it felt like time had forever stopped at that moment.

So they spent their whole lives trying to find a way to bring him back to life, even doing forbidden magic to become yokai and gain the power they needed to bend time. And they grew old and cynical and slowly lost their grip on morality, because the guilt just kept hauntinh them and the closer they got to making their dream come true the more they became tempted to let go of morals and hurt people in the desperation to finally achieve it...

And then this would be a good excuse for me to lets play one of the original versions of the game and then also the third one. And it could be interesting to set it up like this story with my oc is actually left hanging on the first playthrough and only fully completes after the third game. Like its all in the same continuity as if Mallory really did experience both games! Kin and gin's time travel messing up the future could be a good excuse to show all the different versions as alternate universe type things! And have it so that at some point Bronzlow just suddenly appears without explanation and everyone acts like he was always there. Which would lead to the reveal of the whole backstory and like.. Bronzlow is here now and looks like how he would if he'd lived a full long life, because their plan is almost complete. Theyre always sassing him and he's all funny comic relief but really all alpng he mattered more to them than anyone else and theyre so happy to see him again. And getting to see him again has made them so desperate to make it real that they'd even collapse time and space itself just to not have to let go of him again! Like what if some of his 'funny clumsy moments' are actually like.. Signs that he's not completely saved and the paradox is trying to correct itself? Like he doesnt remember that he died but his sisters do, he's just like 'wow i felt kinda dizzy there for a moment, im sorry' and 'huh i seem really forgetful lately' and he doesnt notice himself flickering in and out of existance and just DAMMIT IM GETTING REALLY EMOTIONAL ALREADY

And in the end of course kin and gin would have to face the fact that bronzlow wouldbt want them to bring him back if it meant other people had to get hurt. Thats why they tried to hide the truth from him, they knew he would sacrifice himself to fix the timeline and save everyone. And it could be super depressing with him joining you to fight his sisters even when he knows it'll kill him, and then the last moment of the fight is the time machine thing being broken and then a vision of the siblings as kids standing beneath that same tree, and the twins begging bronzlow to let them just stop time here and stay with him, if they cant save him then they want to die together... But there's no timeline where he'd ever say yes to that...

:(

So umm yeah, the redemption fot these two would be finally accepting their grief instead of running from it, and you hug them and let them know that they have a second chance at a happy life. He never blamed them, they didnt have to destroy their own chance at happiness for his sake. He'd want them to go out and enjoy life, every time theyre smiling he'll be smiling with them...

I dunno i just think itd be a good way to make people care more about an underrated character. Cos from what ive heard about bronzlow he apparantly barely even talks, and really is just 'we added another one in the third version' with no more complexity than that. Kin and Gin already arent very popular so its understandable that their lil bro would be even more ignored, so this is an idea for how to make his low plot role a big plot role yet alsp at the same time get meta with thw low plot role itself being the big emotional tragedy...

Also i dunno if i'd actually find some way to bring him back eventually? Like as a reward for them at the end of their redemptive arc, maybe have them return in yw3 and help the heroes there and then after a loooong long journey they find another non-evil way to bring him back in the postgame. I dunno if itd dampen the emotional arc to bring him back tho? I feel like the importabt part os just that they learn not to hurt other people tp try and save their brother, as long as they actually finally give up and stop their evil plan it could still show the same amount of character growth if he does come back. Like it wouldbt be a moral-ruining 'yeah their evil plan actualky worked' kind of thing, just some different miracle happened, possibly directly caused BY them making the right choice? Like by confiding in others and not doing it all alone they finally manage to find the answer. But maybe have it happen some time after the endibg so the sadness still has enough time to breathe and it feels even happier when it eventually happens.

Also gives me an excuse to play out the credits sequence but with bronzlow vanishing out of that happy pic of them together. (Thanks to my friend who showed me that!)

[j-whirl44]

This Will End.

OhhhhhhhhhhhhhHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH buddy look at me i’m writing again (kinda)

Red Dead 2 has consumed my every thought for the last two weeks basically and I have a lot of feelings.

I love the relationship between Mary and Arthur and I feel like it doesn’t get enough love. So i’m giving a little bit.

I just finished Chapter IV like 5 hours ago so that’s where this is set bc i have no clue where this game is going at the current moment lmaoooo.

This is in Mary’s POV which wasn’t planned tbh but I liked doing it. (might write something in Arthur’s POV when I play a lil more of Chapter V and see if we uh, get out of that whole predicament)

Pls enjoy pls tell me what you think i’m very nervous i haven’t written any fiction in over a year !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Read it on AO3 too ! [x]

Made them a playlist too [x]

“So are you going to tell about the little adventure you had with Arthur getting daddy back here?” Jamie asks his sister with a hint of teasing in his tone. Mary slaps his arm.

“I don’t know what you’re insinuating, but there’s nothing to tell. We found daddy trying to sell mama’s brooch and then that was that,” she said.

“That old bastard came back hours before you did,” Jamie countered, “rambling how you’ve ‘climbed back into bed with that mangy outlaw,” he finished. Mary blushed slightly at her father’s accusation.

She quickly composed herself, “Don’t talk about daddy like that,” she deflected. The two continued to walk in silence. Mary sighed. “We may have...gone to see the traveling performances that was playing in the theater. I-I felt like I owed him something after making him deal with daddy.”

The smile on Jamie’s face filled Mary with instant regret. “Oh Jamie don’t make a big deal of this. It didn’t mean anything. We-we didn’t do nothing but watch the show and walk to the trolley afterwards,” she said. Jamie nodded.

“Oh I knew you were still sweet on him! And he is so clearly still sweet on you,” Jamie exclaimed, getting looks from passerbyers.

Mary hushed him. “I am not. We are friends. It’s...It’s all we can afford to be,” she said. Jamie looked at her with sympathy.

“Oh my sweet sister. I have never seen you care so much about a person. Not even your own husband!” Mary always felt a little guilty about that. It not like her late husband was a bad man, he just wasn’t Arthur.

Arthur. The rough and tough 20 something year old boy who took Mary by the hand and made her feel like the most important lady in all of New Hanover.

Arthur. The rough and tough 20 something year old idiot who had a fierce loyalty to Dutch and Hosea and got so swept up in their fantasies of riches and lawless life. “They raised me,” he always said, whenever Mary raised a complaint on how they ‘do their business’ especially Dutch. She regrets a lot of her life as a young women but she never regretted her time with Arthur.

“I,” she hesitated as her brother looked to her, “I asked him to run away with me. I asked his to run and never look back.”

Jamie looked at her with disbelief. “You? You asked him?”

Mary nodded. “I can’t take this life anymore Jamie,” she said. “I want to be with him I just don’t know how.”

“What did he say?” Jamie asked. 

Mary scoffed, “That damn fool! He told me he needed to help some people first. That we’d need money. That he so close to bringing everything to an end.”

“Same old Arthur,” Jamie mused. Mary nods. “He always had that loyalty to Dutch, ugh, that wretched man!” she never trusted Dutch. The few times they met never left the best impression on her. He always seemed slimy and insincere; never truly letting Arthur be anything more than the muscle of the gang.

Mary was about to respond when the boom of a paper boy screaming the headline: “Read all about it! Van der Lined gang leads shootout in Saint Denis!” The callout stops Mary in her tracks. She rushes over to the paper boy and gives him a dollar. Jamie close behind. “Keep the change,” she said. She barely catches the thank you from the boy as she scans the big bolded headline on the front page.

“NOTORIOUS GANG BEHIND BIGGEST SHOOTOUT IN SAINT DENIS HISTORY; MANY DEAD"

Dead. The word rings through Mary’s mind. Surely he can’t be dead. He knew how to handle himself. She grips the sides of the paper tight as she tries to read through the rest of the article.

“Mary. Mary come sit you’re pale,” Jamie said, “What’s wrong?” They walk to the nearest bench together as Mary’s mind races.

“That gang. That’s the gang he runs with. Arthur. He-he-”

Realization hit Jamie as he tried to calm her down, “We don’t know nothing yet. He’s the toughest man I know. He made it out alive, sister.” Her eyes began to well.

She felt both terrified and angry; an exhausting combination. She scanned the article for any sign of his name when another bit tugged her heart.

‘Van der Lined’s second-in-command, Hosea Matthews, was reported to have been one of the many casualties in the rampant shootout.’

Mary brought a hand to her lips, “Oh. Oh Hosea was a good man. As good as any many can be in a life like that.”

Mary recalled the first time she met Hosea at a saloon in some small new settlement. He took to her the said and commended her on the ‘job’ she’d done on Arthur. “That boy rarely smiled before he started spending time with you. He’s quite smitten, though lord only knows the boy will never admit it. I’m glad he has you,” he said,” “Besides. It gets him to stop following me like a lost puppy with no sense of direction, so thanks for that! Ha!”

She couldn’t hold in her tears any longer as she thought about how she’d never get to see Arthur again. She’d never get to feel his hands on her again. Feel his pained stare ever again. His smile; his laugh; his lips; his anything. She should’ve put her foot down more, she shouldn’t have been so coy with him and let him know how much she loved him. Then maybe, she thought, just maybe he would’ve accepted her request of running of together and leaving her cursed daddy and his vile gang behind. It really is just a pretty dream now though.

A very pretty one; as he put it.

After awhile the siblings slowly walked back to their hotel room. Mary excused herself to the balcony where she watched the sunset with a pen and paper.

My Dear Arthur,

I heard the news. My heart is so heavy. I do not wish to know why you thought you needed to do something like this. When you said you were getting money, I thought it was a much more simpler and less stupid job than this. You continue to surprise me in such heartbreaking ways.

I’m sorry to hear about Hosea. I know you thought of him as a father; and you a son to him. I always wished you cared me the way cared for your gang. Why didn’t you? Oh I must admit I’m writing this in both hope and fear that you’ll never read it. I know not if you’re alive or dead. A part of me hopes I never get the answer.

Oh my darling. Why couldn’t you just have run away with me that day. Where would we be now? Somewhere off in Chicago? Or perhaps we went even more south to Mexico. I wouldn’t have cared as long as I was in your company. I pray we see each other again. I truly do. Until then I will curse you every night for not being here.

Always, Mary

She folded the letter and contemplated what to do with it until she finally looked at the lit candle on the table and held the paper over the flame.

[henry-hart]

question time

I’m making my own post too bc I know it’s gonna get long. lolol

First off, thank you Lou for tagging me. :))))) You tagged most of my friends in your post, so I just have a few people to tag lol @sleepylilsnowflake @sunbeameyes (take your time Nikki <3) @shonashee @writing-excuses ***you all aren’t required to do this. just, if you want to :)))

I. Nickname?

(Fun fact: Em is my actual first name--like, it’s not a nickname or short for Emily or Emma. Just Em) my nicknames are all longer than my actual name, and I have a lot, but the ones my fam uses the most are Emmers, Ems, and Emmy.

II. Gender?

Female

III. Star sign?

Pisces

IV. Height?

I think I’m like 5′3″??? I’m not sure. It’s been awhile since I’ve been to the doctor or measured myself alkjslkjslk

V. Favorite feature?

Uhhhhh myyyyy.....ears? I guess??? Is that lame??? lolol They’re just small and I pierced them so many times, so my earrings look cool. I don’t know. I don’t really find any of my features good ashkjskajk

VI. Favorite color?

Yellow! It makes me happy!

VII. Favorite animal?

I have the hardest time answering this hhhhhh I love all animals, but I guess....it’s gonna have to beeeeeee......tigers? I love that they like to swim despite being in the feline fam, and they’re so beautiful. Sorry to all the other animals. I love you all equally.

VIII. Average hours spent sleeping?

lol wut is sleep???? Just kidding kind of. Well, it depends on the kind of day I’m having. I mean, I just woke up an hour ago, and it’s three in the afternoon ajskjsklj. So, sometimes it’s a classic 10+ hour depression nap, or it’s the “I can run on three hours of sleep no problem.” Hardly ever do I sleep a healthy 8 hours. :(

IX. Dogs or cats?

ugh another “choose an animal” question. I can’t. I love dogs and cats, and I have both.

X. Number of blankets you sleep with?

In the summer, just one so I don’t die of heat exhaustion, but in the winter, I use two.

XI. What’s your dream trip?

Honestly, I’d love to plan a trip to hit every continent (apart from Antarctica bc no) and just see all the major countries and cities and just experience all the cultures of the world. Places I’d look most forward to on that trip would be Australia, Spain, annnddd the Scandinavian countries as well as Iceland (unless that’s considered Scandinavian???) :)

XIV. How many followers do you have?

On this blog, I think I have 80? I’m not sure. I’m surprised I even have that many a;kljskljs Thank you all!

XV. How many pets do you have?

A cat, a dog, two fish, and a turtle--so five. 

XVI. Best places to visit in your town or country?

My town is sh*t, so there’s nothing “best” about it. As far as my country goes, I mean, where do you start? I’ve never been to most of these places, but probs the ever classic New York, Cali, Florida (I have been to FL, but not deep in the panhandle). I mean, they’re not really “talked about,” but I’d love to see Oregon and Washington.

XVII. Favorite ice cream flavor?

I’m in the 2% of people who actually like strawberry alkjslksj

XIX. Favorite study locations?

When I was in college, my dorm was on a little campus lake, so I’d take my studies out there bc it was really calming. I didn’t usually study in the library bc I couldn’t take the heavy feeling of desperation and stress and anxiety coming from everyone else in there.

XX. Favorite book series?

Uuuuuuuhhhhhhh this is a really hard question bc I’m ALWAYS reading. Hmmmmm maybe HP bc it’s one of the first series I completed??? 

(I don’t know if I was supposed to answer those questions, but here’s the second set lolol)

1. Favorite band/music group?

I am not good at making decisions like this. Maybe The Doors? Gotta love that classic psychedelic rock. RIP Jim Morrison. 

2. Favorite subject in school? 

I always loved English (duh lol) and science--esp biology.

3. Fruits or veggies?

Both! I don’t eat meat lolol 

4. What’s an inside joke you have?

God, I wish I was cool enough to have all these cool insiders with friends, but I just don’t. My lil bro and I have a lot tho. Like, we’ll watch funny videos or play the same video game or watch the same tv show, so we can crack jokes about that stuff that makes everyone else go “???” Also, he and I are big on vines, so we make about 50 incredibly well-placed vine references every day. lolol (he’s my little buddy--I say little, but he’s 16 alkjljslksj)

5. Ever been to Disney?

No. >:( I’ve never been able to afford it, but ONE day.

6. Do you like rollercoasters? 

I’ve only ever been on minor ones, but I enjoyed those, so maybe I’d like the major ones? 

7. Favorite movie?

One of the first movies I remember watching was Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, and that’s a classic. It’s def one of my faves. I also watched The Labyrinth a lot as a kid. I JUST REMEMBERED CORALINE IS A THING, AND I LOVE THAT MOVIE. SO CORALINE IS MY FAVE.

8. What’s your dream job?

Something that categorizes as philanthropic. I just want to be able to help and talk to people all over the world. :)))) (also, if any of my young followers are stressed about not having it figured out, I’m 22 and have no idea what I’m doing. It’s okay.)

9. What’s something you wish you were good at?

Art or dancing. Ah, to have been one of those art students in college. 

10. What do you listen to during long car rides?

I make me some rad af car ride playlists skljakljskl I have ones for summer car rides, ones for night car rides, ones for driving in the rain--I’ve got it all. lolol

11. Favorite warm drink?

I don’t usually drink warm drinks, but I occasionally have tea. 

Now for Lou’s questions ;)

1) Favorite video game?

I play a LOT of video games, but one of the first I ever played was Super Mario on the Nintendo 64, so probs that. I also like Halo and Skyrim a lot. 

2) What is one album you’d recommend? 

The 1975 - The 1975 (it’s a self-titled album)

3) What type of weather do you like most?

I’d like to say warm, sunny weather bc I like it in theory--the feeling of the sun on your skin, light hair, dark skin, being outside, etc.--but it’s just not realistic. The rain is more likely bc I get inspired to write and I have an excuse to stay inside akjslksj

4) What mood are you currently in?

A very “blah” mood. There’s so much I want to get done, but I have NO motivation.

5) Favorite comfort food?

This is gonna be really lame, but it’s cereal. When I was in college, I could only afford cereal, and after going sometimes days without eating, to have that bowl of cereal was just a godsend. :)

6) What is one of your main hobbies? 

READING! I have a literal wall of books in my room. I’ve been avidly reading since I was about eight years old. 

7) Your opinion on the pineapple on pizza discourse?

Don’t like it. At all. That tangy fruit taste mixed with cheese and red sauce? No. 

8) Someone you really look up to.

My mommy. <3333 She’s an incredible woman, and she just embodies everything that feels motherly. Most of my friends call her mom bc that’s what she is, through and through. I aspire to be like her in life because she’s just so full of love and comfort and warmth. I love her so much. (I’m crying now thinking about her alkjlksjslk)

9) A joke that makes you laugh.

It’s silly, but my little sister read it off a Laffy Taffy, and I lost it. “What kind of music are balloons afraid of? Pop music.” aklsjlskj same

10) How was/is your day?

Eh. I haven’t been awake for most of it, so I don’t really know alkjlksjs;l

Here are my questions!!! And, for the people I tagged, feel free to answer whichever set of questions you’d like! You can answer all, some, none--whatever you’d like!

1- What’s your comfort TV show/movie?

2- Favorite word and least favorite word?

3- Something (or someone) that makes you happy. :))

4- Biggest fear? (it can be a silly fear if you’d like)

5- What was the last thing that made you really laugh. What made you really cry?

6- Do you prefer the country or the city?

7- Which HP house are you in?

8- One word you’d say describes you best. 

9- Cringiest thing you’ve ever done.

10- How long have you known your oldest friend? (by oldest I mean years you’ve known them not how old they are akdljlkjs)

Enjoy!

[quixoticrobotic]

OHHH tell me about gilded sky that sounds so good... i love hearing other ppl's stories

well ive talked a little bit about it but basically i’ve always hated how other sci fi makes social critique and steampunk is too busy gluing gears to tiny top hats and hailing Britanniaand i was feeling very disillusioned with sci fi and then an internet reviewer i like made a video that was basically “black mirror is good, actually” and i was so furious i just. made a thing out of spite so theres this floating city thats kinda a mash up of london and new york in the late 1800s early 1900s. it also has some stuff from right before and after, its mostly what history stuff i find neat or it would be weird not to have (like im currently trying to figure out steampunk!harlem)its set in a steampunk floating city that has these layers and the higher up u go the nicer it getsits called gilded sky bc the time period im drawing on is often called “the gilded age” which is fitting because gilded means a layer of something fancy thats hiding something underneath which is super fitting bc you have ladies with parasols and fellows with tennis balls but then you have inhumane factory working conditions and awful tenement buildings and all that stuffsince systematic oppression doesnt have like. one final boss you have to beat to fix everything, rn its just kinda slice of life the main characters are:Ethel Jacobs: depressed lesbian with a prosthetic arm, just trying to get by, which is hard because she has depression and living in a tiny tenement room in the poorest part of the city doesnt help. Also she actually lost her arm in a factory accident and is still getting the hang of her makeshift prosthetic arm, which she upgrades in her spare time but she doesnt really like the way it feels and goes without it whenever she can. Things get interesting when Hannah comes into her life, Ethel admires Hannah’s optimism and tenacity when it comes to social issues in the city. She also got a job at a nicer part of the city where she helps at dress shop. which weirds her out a lil bc she used to work in a textile mill and she KNOWS where this fabric and thread came from and she thinks thats kinda fucked up but her new job is much nicer and pays better and she has friends and more time for hobbies (she likes tinkering, something taught to her by her late mother. she makes little windup toys and stuff) Hannah Kalich: disaster lesbian who works at her family’s bakery. she lives with her family (her mon n dad, younger brother, and baby sister in a comparatively nicer tenement than ethel’s. they live on the lowest tier of the city, ethel lives on the ground).  shes short but a lot of people dont even notice because she has this really commanding presence and is very charismatic. shes SUPER PASSIONATE and her feelings are always intense. She loves reading and is loud and opinionated and caring. And she HATES the empire and the social injustices in the city. her parents love her and have always supported her and they’re proud their daughter is such a bright, well read, compassionate young woman, but they also kinda worry she’ll get herself into danger. She’s really good at accidentally dragging people into things. like some kinda accidental manic pixie dream girl. She loves her friends and is very playful but shes actually terrified of other people getting hurt or punished because of her actions. she also likes to paint. also i imagine her with a really thick accent, mostly because the first drawings i ever did of her were based on production photos of people playing Emma Goldman in Ragtime so that accent kinda got attached to her (ethel has like. a bit of an accent but its not as noticeable as hannah’s)Jean Larue: ALRIGHT THIS TINY BASTARD,,,,hes from steampunk!france and his family is loaded and he traveled to The City bc he wanted to see new things and meet new people and live a bOHEMIAN LIFESTYLE and hes a writer and lives in an attic someone was renting out but hes,,,,,actually a little behind on the rent because it turns out artists do not live on DREAMS and being poor is hardHe loves reading, thats actually how he and Hannah became friends! Hannah dunks on him a lot and nicknamed him Rich Boy but he is actually a good friend who’s great to talk about and debate big ideas with, hes just also really pretentious,,,,,,,also he gets crushes at the drop of a hat and will burst into the room and talk about the bEAUTIFUL PERSON he saw today and how hes MADLY IN LOVE WITH THEM!hes not a bad person, he cares very much about fighting for good causes and he finds beauty in things other people overlook. hes just really dramatic and fake deep and not used to living out in a world where actions have consequences. hes good hes just like that hes supposed to always look disheveled with messy hair and glasses but every time i try to draw him i just kinda. draw myself. or harry potter. but yeah designing a white boy whos like. distinguishable. is gonna be haaaaaard

[the-jade-cross]

Burning Water - Chapter IV

Chapter 4

Maya sometimes wished that she was part of an incredibly large family like Evelyn. That way her father wouldn’t always notice if she was missing because she would have so many siblings that he couldn’t tell if one wasn’t present. The truth was, Mace Tyrell often did not notice if one of his kids was not present at meals especially since their mother had died. Of all times for her father to finally find it necessary to make sure all his kids were present was the one-time Maya didn’t want to be noticed.

She had tried to slip away from the party especially when she saw the servants begin to ask the guests to clear a circle in the center of the hall. That was the signal to ‘get your wits about you and take deep breaths’ as Willas put it. Or as Garlan bluntly stated, ‘Get your rear in gear and kick some serious butt’. To be honest, that was a nicer version of what he really said.

“Come on Maya!” Loras cried, grabbing his sister’s hand. “You know that if you turn up late it will be even more embarrassing.” Maya groaned as she allowed her brother to lead her through the crowd to where her siblings were flocking.

“I thought I was the one who didn’t want to dance,” Loras muttered under his breath as he pushed his sister toward Garlan, Willas and Margaery.

Willas smiled gently at his sister before taking both her hands in his and bending down to her petite level.

“Don’t worry about it, sis,” he assured her in his gentle, soothing voice. “It will be over before you know it.” “Unless you mess up,” Garlan teased. “Then it will be over even faster!”

Margaery slapped her brother on the arm which shut him up while Willas turned Maya’s head to look back at him.

“It’s just like when we rehearsed on the beach,” he told her. “Just breathe and dance. Don’t think about the people around you. You are not dancing for them. You are dancing for you.” Maya sighed, closing her eyes and taking in a deep breath.

“Alright.” she sighed.

The boy smiled before holding out his arm for her to take. Slipping her arm through his, Maya allowed her brother to lead her into the center of the circle where everyone was now looking. Garlan and Margaery followed before the four of them were standing shoulder to shoulder in the center of the room. The two girls let go of their brothers’ arms so that Willas could step forward to speak.

While Willas was greeting everyone and thanking them for coming, Margaery and Maya walked to opposite sides of the circle before turning inward to face the center of the circle. When Willas finished speaking, he and Garlan stood in the center of the circle, backs to each other while they faced their partner: Garlan to Margaery and Willas to Maya.

(Start video at 0.49)

When the music stopped, Maya noticed that the musicians were waiting…. And she knew why. Willas looked at Maya, his eyes asking her if she wanted to go on. They had practiced an ‘encore’ which Maya would do on her own, but he had told her that he wouldn’t push her to do it if she did not want to.

Maya looked out of the corner of her eye at where Evelyn, Lillia and Nanteza were standing together, watching with bated breath. Lillia was staring in awe at the performance, her hands poised, ready to clap. Nanteza was watching, quite impressed with a soft encouraging smile on her lips. Evelyn’s face was calm but the look in her amber eyes told Maya what she was thinking.

Maya looked back at Willas and nodded just slightly. The boy took the message and lifted her to her feet before setting her down. Garlan did the same to Margaery before the three of them began to walk backwards slowly, as if it was still a dance. When they reached the edges of the crowd, they blended in with the rest of the guests, leaving Maya alone in the center of the floor.

Maya let her head hang so that her hair concealed her face. Slowly a soft harp began to play like a trickling river.

Slowly Maya lifted her head before looking to the left. She extended her left hand, reaching out like she was reaching for something before slowly moving it to her face. She dragged her fingers down her face, her legs slowly bending in a dancing fashion till she was crouching slightly, bent down so that her face was about a foot from the ground.

She was glad that she had removed her shoes because it made it easier to balance on her toes as she crouched there. Her hand continued to travel down her face till she extended it to touch the ground. Allowing her pointer finger to brush the floor just slightly, Maya froze…. everything froze. The music stopped and people stopped breathing… holding their breath to find out what was happening.

For a moment everyone thought that was it…. until they realized that all the water in their drinks had suddenly disappeared…. Only to find it on the ground…. Inching across the floor around their feet like an army of ants.

Quite a few women squealed, and the men gasped as the water began to circle around Maya on the floor…. Spiraling around her finger. The water stopped moving…. when suddenly Maya moved.

Suddenly bending back, Maya bent back, throwing her arm back. The water followed her as she began to dance. Spinning, twirling and moving her body in a sensual, slightly more upbeat dance than what she had danced with her siblings, Maya moved the water with her, making everyone present gasp and whisper as the water obeyed her commands.

Just then, Willas returned to the ring and began to dance with Maya, the water still following Maya around.

(Watch from 0.21 to 1.00)

Willas spun away from Maya till he was back with Garlan and Margaery amongst the crowd, leaving Maya alone in the circle again. This time however Maya slowly extended both arms, moving the water so that it rose behind her like a wall before she suddenly bent all the way back so that her hand touched the floor behind her, one hand extended above her head, parallel with her body.

Everyone gaped at how the water had moved into the shape of a dorsal fin, covering the whole front of Maya’s body like a rainbow.

No one knew where it started but soon the whole hall was erupting in cheers and applause while Maya slowly rose back to a standing position and moved the water back to its original places. She turned to look at her father who was nodding in satisfaction, a deadpan expression on his face. She saw her siblings beaming and smiling at her. Then she saw Evelyn, Nanteza and Lillia all clapping and smiling but Maya noticed that one person out of her friends and family didn’t seem happy…. Garlan. He had a look of worry on his face and was looking across the crowd to someone that Maya could not see…. But the look on her face told her it wasn’t good….

********

Maya groaned as she slipped around the adults’ much larger bodies. She suddenly came to a halt when a hand reached out of nowhere and grabbed her wrist, pulling her back away from the crowds and behind one of the pillars in the great hall.

She was about to try and wrench herself away until she noticed that it was Lillia. The girl let out a sigh of relief before glaring daggers at the young blond.

“What did you do that for? You scared the living daylights out of me!” the girl whisper yelled.

Lillia grinned mischievously and Maya began to wonder if she would regret not clobbering the girl over the head.

“I thought you would want to know a tasty bit of information that I managed to conjure up,” Lillia replied. “Well…. I didn’t really conjure it up…. It just sort of happened…. Because of what you did…. So basically, you were the one who conjured it up…” “Just get to the point Lils,” Maya interrupted, suddenly becoming impatient, her patience having run dry from all the compliments that had been showered on her since the dance. It was giving her a headache.

“You know how Willas suggested you do the encore with the water dancing and all? Well I overheard Willas ask your father demanded that he, meaning Willas, convince you to do the water dancing!”

Maya frowned, “You mean… it was my father’s idea and he pushed Willas to convince me? Why didn’t he just tell me himself?” Lillia shrugged, “From what I could understand, your father feared that you would refuse if he asked so he got Willas to convince you since you two are really close.” “Of course he did,” Maya growled under her breath. “he manipulates my brother to get me to water dance which has done nothing but cause all ounce of attention to be thrown on me! What is he trying to do? Get me killed?! Because I seriously think that Cersei Lannister is going to murder me with that deathly witchery glare.” Lillia glanced around the pillar where they were hiding before pulling her head back, cringing, “You’re right! I think she knows we’re here! She’s looking this way!” Maya glared daggers at the girl, “Not helping!” Lillia cringed again and mouthed an apology before peeking out again, “What are we going to do?” Maya shrugged, “If you could possibly sneak me out of the great hall then that would really help!” Lillia frowned, checking the hall again before shaking her head, “No can do. If you had asked me of that twenty minutes ago before you did that whole display of water magic, then I would have managed it.”

“Because of the shadows,” Maya grunted, rolling her eyes.

“Shadows?” the blond inquired.

Maya nodded, “I wonder if it is why father manipulated Willas into getting me to water dance but since the performance, every guy from your age to fifty have been following me around or trying to get my attention!” “A fifty-year-old was trying to flirt with you?” Lillia asked, her green eyes widening so much that they looked like they would pop.

Maya shook her head, “His grandson tried flirting with me, I escaped him and then the boy’s father tried but I escaped him when his wife came over and almost beat the life out of him. Then the grandfather tried to get to me on behalf of his grandson. Before you know it, the great-grandfather will be trying to get me to marry his great-grandson!” Lillia chuckled, “You are in quite the dilemma there Mayaka Tyrell.” “Tell me about it,” Maya muttered. “But I wonder what it is that Father is trying to accomplish.” “well he might be trying to marry you off in order to stake good allies with the other houses,” Lillia observed.

“but half the houses here are probably out to murder me,” Maya whispered. “And the Lannister’s…. No offence but they are only out for their own gain.” Lillia shrugged, “You got that pretty accurately. Well, if you’re not gonna go after King Robert’s son, then why don’t you try for someone from Dorne?”

Maya raised an eyebrow in confusion, “first off, Prince Joffrey is way younger than me, he is even younger than you! Secondly, who would I ‘try for’ from Dorne? The Princes didn’t exactly bring their ‘sons’.” Lillia chuckled, “I wasn’t talking about their children. I was talking about the princes themselves. Like a certain Prince Oberyn.” Maya’s eyes widened in surprise, “What has gotten into your sunlight colored head?”

“Just a suggestion!” Lillia snickered, “Look, you have teased me about Loras all the time and he asked me to dance the next one with him. But the reason I suggested Prince Oberyn is because he is coming this way.” “WHAT!?” Maya whisper screamed, peering around the pillar to see that indeed Prince Oberyn was heading closer to them but from the looks of things, he was heading over toward his brother Doran who was standing nearby. What did catch Maya’s attention was a particular young boy who looked to be a few years older than her who had tried to flirt with her at least three times that evening… and he wasn’t the politest about it either.

“Lillia, I need to go,” Maya whispered. “You go and find Loras. Okay?” Lillia nodded without question, noting the urgency in Maya’s voice and scurried off to find the youngest Tyrell. Maya peered back around the pillar to find that the young man, Lawrence, had noticed her and was heading toward her with purpose.

The girl tried going around the other side of the pillar but found herself face to face with a firm, hard chest. Rubbing her forehead where she had run into the person, she looked way up at his tall figure.

“I am so sorry….” She cut herself off when she saw who she was looking up at. Dark, chocolate brown eyes looked down at her, shaded by the longest lashes she had ever seen on a man before. His skin was a perfect sun kissed tan which matched his jet-black curly hair that framed his head perfectly and his shortly cut beard that covered just the edges of his jaw and over his top and bottom lip.

“P-p-p-prince…. Oberyn!” The girl whisper yelled so hoarsely that she didn’t even recognize her voice.

The man raised his eyebrows in amusement and smirked at the girl, “I apologize if I startled you Miss Tyrell. I am guessing I was not the person you were expecting.” Suddenly snapping out of her surprise, Maya remembered why she was in such a rush to move and she looked over her shoulder to see Lawrence getting closer. Oberyn followed her gaze and the smirk fell from his face.

“So that’s it,” He muttered, causing Maya to look back up at him in confusion.

She hadn’t properly met Prince Oberyn and had only seen him across the garden or the hall but now, looking at how his eyebrows were down in a scowl, his lips pursed together in annoyance, she realized that he looked rather intimidating.

Before Maya could even comprehend what was going on, she felt a hand slip around her waist and pull her flush against Prince Oberyn’s side. She looked up at the Dornish prince in shock as he pulled her around the pillar and back into the crowd, keeping her close to him. They were almost all the way across the hall when she realized what had happened. He was helping her avoid Lawrence.

When he pulled to a stop, she was about to turn to him and thank him when she found herself looking at his hand which he held out to her, slightly bent toward her from the waist as he bowed.

“May I have this next dance Miss Tyrell?” he asked, his smirk returning to his face.

Maya’s eyes widened and her heart pounded in shock and… excitement?

“I uh….” She started but Oberyn glanced to the left and Maya followed his eyes.

“That young man will not leave you alone unless you give him a reason to not pursue you.” Oberyn pointed out.

Maya sighed before turning to Oberyn and placing her small hand in his larger one, “You may have this dance Prince Obern.”

[jj-ktae]

From the Aorta to the Apex (4/4)

Title : From the Aorta to the Apex (4/4) Author : Myself Genre : AU, Fluff Pairing : Mark x OC Summary : Bored surgeons and boring conferences lead to not so boring encounters.

PART I // PART II // PART III

Part IV

“Here you go lil’ buddy. Chocolate and strawberry!” Mark kneeled in front of your son and handed the ice-cream to the small human, winking. He took the next cone and handed it to you. His own ice-cream was next and after he insisted on paying, the three of you were walking around the nearest park.

Mark was looking at your son who was walking in front of you, laughing at pigeons and licking the sweet ice-cream. There wasn’t a lot of things to talk about, mostly because you were feeling uncomfortable, and Mark looked like it was the most natural thing for him to do, which was even more upsetting.

“You’re lucky to have a son.” He said and you looked at him, puzzled. You remembered seeing a pink baby seat in his car, and it made you react.

“There was a....baby seat...” You tried, not ready for the possibility of him being married and owning a whole army of little Mark Tuan, all perfect and beautiful.

“Oh yeah...” He took his phone out of his back-pocket and showed you his screen.

A small girl, about your son’s age, was smiling widely at the camera. It looked like some teeth were missing since there were two little holes in her smile.

“I told you toothless were my favourite.” His teasing tone made you snap out of the picture and you nodded, emotionless, like a robot.

Of course, the perfect Dr Tuan had to have a family.

“She is...cute.” Suddenly you wanted to fly out of the place, go back home and stop sounding like the desperate divorced bitch you were, but it was him who had forced his way on you and your son, and insisted on buying ice-cream. Mark tilted his head to meet your face and you took a step back, surprised by the sudden action.

“What are you thinking about...?” He asked, and he too, looked startled.

“I... I think I should go back home.” You called your mini version over and the small boy ran back to you, his painful arm long forgotten.

“No, wait-”

“Shall we go?” You asked your son and he nodded, peeking over at Mark who looked powerless.

“Let me take you back, then.” He proposed and you acquiesced. Even if you needed to get out of there, you were too far away from your place.

The ride back was as silent as the soft snores coming from your son’s half opened mouth.

“Who is he?”

You thought your sister was some girl living for gossips, but you forgot who she had taken after.

Your mother.

“Just a surgeon working at the same hospital.” You tried being nonchalant, but your sister, hands full with a big plate, appeared and put it between you three.

“He was so nice with her son, you should have seen this, mom.” Their giggles made you roll your eyes, disbelief written all over your bored face.

“There’s absolutely no need for you to get so worked up. He has a daughter. He is probably married with some perfect person, with a beautiful dog and a big house.” You found yourself picturing the perfect Mark Tuan raising kids, having a successful career, and succeeding in pretty much everything he did.

“A married man wouldn’t ask a woman and a kid out, in the open.” Your mother’s pursed lips blew on the hot beverage in her cup.

“Also, you said he told this other doctor not to wait for him.”

“Oh my, maybe he is on a relationship with the other one and they adopted a little girl?”

Your sister laughed at your mother’s shocked face, and you coughed.

“The only way to find out is to ask him. Why didn’t you do so?” She added.

You shrugged, feeling ridiculous for acting like a high school student. “I don’t want to show my interest.” You put your own cup down. “I’m not that desperate.”

“You’re getting old, put your damn pride aside and ask him. That is, if he talks to you again after you pouted like a kid and ignored him.” You made a face at your mother.

Sometime you understood how she had ended up divorced like you.

“She is right. You should ask him out.”

“I swear you both should get a life.” You mumbled, lips sour with sugar free coffee.

As annoying as it was, they were right. You were mad at yourself for reacting the way you did, but then again, you had wished for more, and ever since the beginning, you were trying to push away the fact that he was attracting you in more than one way.

“I’ll let you do the dressing. Thanks for the hard work.” You bowed at the nurses and took off your gloves, palms sweaty. Jinyoung was finishing the work while you got ready for your next appointment. This afternoon had been calm and you only had one surgery, which was good considering the poor amount of motivation you had today.

“Can I talk to you for a minute?” Your looked toward the origin of the noise and found, -what a coincidence- Dr Tuan, all shiny and perfect. Your gaze followed his body from his stylish sneakers to his wavy hair and you cursed you own mind for drooling at the sight.

A nod was all you could show to avoid unnecessary comments about pretty boys and flawless bodies.

“I wanted to know if...maybe I had done something bad?” He tried, eyes scanning the white room while you were taking off your green disposable gown.

“What do you mean?” Feigning ignorance had always been your forte.

“The other day...I don’t understand what happened.” He stated and you were amazed at how sincere he was with himself. He had something on his mind, and he was directly asking.

“Oh...I just, it felt uncomfortable, walking around with the father of a young girl.” You said and he tilted his face. You had decided to say it clearly, too.

“Is...me being a father a problem?” You took off your hygiene cap and nodded. Of course there was a problem!

“I mean. I don’t think it’s a good idea-“

“What is? Seeing me? Because it didn’t look like it was a problem back at the conference.” His tone had changed and it took you by surprise so you simply raised a brow at him, clueless.

“I’m sorry, I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Maybe he was a beautiful, crazy human being.

“Forget it. Sorry for troubling you.” He looked really hurt and you were startled at how uneasy it made you feel, stomach sinking at his troubled eyes.

He turned around and walked straight to the operating room’s exit, leaving you blinking at the unrealistic exchange you just had.

“Still here?” Jinyoung entered, taking off his own gown

You didn’t answer, and proceeded to storm out of the room.

“Why did you get mad, you stupid ass.”

Jackson was eating a perfectly shaped hot-dog, legs crossed on a bench in the Hospital big yard.

“What should I do then? Apparently, she’s got a kid and she doesn’t want me to have one. Also, she doesn’t even remember that we...you know.” He took a fast sip from his soda, legs spread and slowly moving.

“Well, maybe she thinks you’re married and you just want to hit on her. Also, you told me she was wasted, don’t blame her for not remembering.” Jackson stated, shrugging.

“It’s ridiculous. She can’t be thinking that I’m in a relationship. And I don’t care if she doesn’t remember, you know.” Mark scoffed.

“Just admit she gave you the best sex ever and you’re sad she doesn’t remember you.” Teased Jackson and he showed him his middle finger.

“Mark, my stupid friend. Just go and explain yourself. Tell her you like her and need more of her. What’s wrong with that?”

“Wait...maybe she is actually married?” Mark said next, holding Jackson’s arm and the latter just whined.

“I give up, you two are hopeless cases. You used to be more spirited.” The young paediatrician said and Mark brushed him off.

It’s been two weeks since you last saw Mark. Your super cool surgery had been cancelled because the patient didn’t want to be a guinea pig and you were glad not having to deal with him. You had told Jinyoung to contact another surgeon from the research team and he had agreed after numerous questions.

You were waiting with your son for the doctor, hoping he would agree in taking off the cast covering his arm. He had been complaining for two days now, saying it was so itchy it hurt and you had decided to ask for an appointment with the doctor who had put it on him.

“Y/N...?” Dr Wang was holding a paper and smiled sweetly at you two, opening the door to let you enter.

“So, let me guess...itchy?” The doctor took your son’s arm and inspected it.

“We’ll do an x-ray, just to be sure.” He said and called for a nurse to take your son to the x-ray room.

“It won’t take long.” He told you and you were about to take the exit when he stopped you.

“Can I talk to you?” You looked at him, puzzled and stilled.

“You’re...Mark’s friend, right?” he asked and you didn’t know how much he knew, but you shook your head.

“I wouldn’t say friend, but I know him, why?” You inquired, eyes narrowing at the goofy doctor.

“Oh, good then. Since Mark is the most stupid person I know, I think I need to share some information with you. First of all, he is divorced. He has a little girl, lives with me and is very much single. He is a boring man, but he is genuine.” You tried processing all the elements, blinking slowly at him but only one thing had made it to your brain.

Mark was single.

“So yeah I know it’s not my place to talk, but he’s been grumpy, and he doesn’t want to admit it but it has to do with you.” He stopped when your son came back, smiley, with a nurse. She handed him the x-rays and he high fived your son’s valid hand.

“Guess who can take off his cast?”

Your son cheered so loudly it made Jackson laugh, like a little boy.

So, maybe Dr Tuan had been...sincere, you thought as you both exited the small office, your eyes not missing the knowing stare Dr Wang was throwing toward you.

“When is aunty coming?” Your son said, moving his arm around as if it was a new part of his small body.

“She’ll be here in a minute.” You said, opening your office’s door and taking a seat on your office’s chair, sighing loudly. Your afternoon had been cleared by Jinyoung who needed some training with electrocardiograms and you had two appointments, at the end of the afternoon.

A knock on the door made your son jump to open it while you were reading some blood-tests results on your laptop screen. You were waiting for a sort of reaction from your son, followed by your sister’s voice but none of it came, so you raised your head from your screen.

Mark was right there.

He looked at your son, then back at you, then back at your son again, and it seemed like it was stopping him from speaking, because he said nothing.

“Can I....help you?” You asked.

“It’s the ice-cream man!” You son squealed and Mark smiled at him.

It made your heart skip a beat.

“I...I’ll come back later...I thought you wer-“

“You’re having a little reunion?” Your sister voice made you lean to get a view and her face appeared from behind Mark’s shoulder.

“Aunty!” You son squealed and she took him in her arms, whistling at his newly healed arm.

Mark looked uneasy “I’ll come back later.”

“No, no, we’ll go now. Don’t worry, right?” Your sister looked at your son and they both raised they thumbs toward Mark, who chuckled sweetly at the two.

“Call me later!” Her voice echoed in the hallway.

After a short silence, Mark closed the door behind him. He looked awfully nervous.

“I just saw Jackson. I’m sorry about what he said, I never asked him to-”

“You should have told me you were divorced. It would have made things easier.” You spoke, a bit ashamed by your previous outburst and put a hand over your face, rubbing it.

“I thought it was pretty clear. I thought you’d get it.”

“And what about the conference? I don’t understand what happened there for you to be annoyed the other day.” You asked again and he stood, in the middle of the office, speechless.

“You really don’t remember?” he was perplexed when you only nodded in response.

“Don’t drink again. The sticky note, in your room?” Mark tried and you tilted your head.

Damn it. Of course. It made sense.

It was crazy, but it made sense. Your put a hand over your mouth as realization dawned upon you and looked at him.

“Do you...understand, now?” Mark approached your office slowly.

“Oh god...I was wasted. You’re the one...I can’t believe it was you.” You said, head falling on your office in shame and ears as red as tomatoes.

“And here I was asking for justifications.” You added, putting the pieces back together.

But...wait a minute. What was Mark doing here, then?

“I thought you remembered. That’s why I...” He explained, face going as red as yours and it made you groan.

“I’m sorry...I saw your kid and made a fool of myself...” You said but Jinyoung entered, stopping when he saw the two of you talking.

“Your patient is waiting but I guess you’re busy...” he trailed off.

“Damn, I’m late. Bring him in, Jinyoung.” You said fast and got up to prepare the auscultation table.

“Now that it’s clear...” Mark said, already heading toward the exit.

“If you’re free, wait for me, I finish at 6.” You said, putting the stethoscope around your neck.

Mark’s face lightened and he smiled at you “Yes, sure. I will.”

You did your best moving around to cover your raging heart as your patient entered, and ignored Jinyoung’s teasing eyes.

You didn’t listen to your patient. You felt ashamed, but you could only think about Mark and the fact that he surely was waiting for you like you asked him to. The old man didn’t notice and kept on rambling about how his wife was making his blood pressure go high every day.  

Jinyoung came to assist to the appointments, and it finished with him totally taking the patients in charge, you being too focused on your own sick heart to be of any use.

“Are you still with us?” He said and you snapped your head up, your eyes meeting an unpleased old woman.

“Yes, yes.” You glanced at the clock. 5.50....“Keep going.” You tapped your pen against the brown wood of your desk and tried to act like you were actually listening.

But you were not, and even less when the woman got out of the office. Jinyoung smirked at you as soon as the door was closed.

“What’s happening? Does it have something to do with Dr Tuan?” He asked.

You scoffed, but your stammer made you lose the tiny once of credibility you once had “No-no-not at-at-at a-a-all! I’m f-f-f-fine!”

He laughed “Sure. Anyways, I still have things to work on so I’ll stay here. Have fun!” he opened the door, and his teasing whistle didn’t even make you react.

You were too stressed to deal with him. You took off your white coat and threw it on your chair before running to the tiny mirror behind your desk.

You were not the prettiest, but this would do. A deep sigh went past your lips and you tried gathering some courage before taking your own coat and bag.

Mark was leaning against the  wall and you saw him as soon as you opened the door.

“Hey.” He looked as embarrassed as you when you reached his level.

“Hey.” You answered back, avoiding his eyes. Now that this situation was cleared, it was hard to avoid any sort of awkwardness between you two.

Mark took a deep breath “Why did you want to see me...?” He looked expectant.

You bite your lips and tried smiling “Well...I mean, about what you said, you know, we....oh, well.” It didn’t make any sense. You were never able to do these type of things, even less now that you were older and a mother. You sounded like a teen in love.

Mark didn’t look any better. “Ah. Yes. How can I say that...I thought you were kind of...interested? I mean, it’s not about sex but...” He sighed. “I’m lame, sorry.”

You chuckled. Mark was even cuter with the tip of his ears as red as fresh tomatoes. “I am. I really am.” You couldn’t lie, not when Mark had been nothing but an awesome person until now.

His smile was huge “Really? Wow. Do you have some time tonight?”

You thought for a minute. Your sister was supposed to take care of your kid until you finished work. It’s not like she would mind if you asked her, and even more if it’s about Dr Tuan.

“Sure but...your kid...?”

Mark shook his head. “Jackson was supposed to take her to the amusement park after kindergarten anyways so I’m free for the evening.” He didn’t tell you he ran to Jackson during your appointments to ask him for this favour, though.

This is how you found yourself taking Mark to your place. You were too exhausted to stay out anyways, and Mark had insisted he could cook something for the both of you but that Jackson could be back at any moment with his daughter.

He wanted to be alone with you. He really wanted this.

“We should order something.” You said, eyes scanning through your empty fridge. Mark came behind you and tilted his head. “We should.” He agreed with a nod. You ran to your cupboard and took out numerous flyers. “I have pizza, Chinese, Mexican and....ah, chicken. You pick.”

“Chicken is good.” He answered before taking a seat on your sofa. Is eyes scanned your living-room and fell on the numerous toys scattered by your kid. He smiled.

“You own many luxury cars.”

You looked up from the flyer “hmm? Ah yes. My boy likes them flashy, I told you.” You teased before taking your phone to order.

Mark left some room for you on the sofa and you decided to turn on the television before silence became too much to handle. There was nothing to say, not when the only thing you shared was a drunk night full of wild sex.

“So...” Mark started, body frozen next to yours “why did you become a cardiologist? I mean, why studying the heart?” He decided it would be best to restart from the beginning. After all, he knew nothing about you.

“I don’t know. I wish I could say that the heart is the most important organ and talk about mushy stuff but in reality, I think it’s because my ex-husband is one, too.” You shrugged.

“Your ex-husband is a cardiologist?”

“Yes, he has his own office and works with a private hospital.” Your husband was a strict man with too little humour. He was serious in every circumstance, and when you used to admire him, you now resented him more than anything.

“Can I ask what happened?” Mark sounded cautious, like he didn’t want to intrude into your privacy.

“I filled the divorce papers after he cheated on me for the fourth time. I thought I could live with it, but it was hard seeing him with his secretary. I can’t blame him though. He likes glamourous and sensual women and as time passed by I became a rusty girl with too little time for makeup and a worn-out body.”

Mark eyes grew big. “What do you mean? He left you because of this?”

“He changed. Back in the days he was more of a romantic. I guess he isn’t into post-pregnancy stretchmarks” Your sarcasm didn’t go unnoticed by Mark.

“That’s bullshit. He is a bastard, that’s all.” His voice was suddenly deeper and you stopped watching the television to find him staring at you.

“If you say so...how about you?”

“Hmm..I became a cardiologist because that’s what I preferred studying in the past. I went for the easy way and when I had enough, I decided to get into the research team. I felt hopeless when I couldn’t help my patients and decided I would do my best to come up with new possibilities for everyone.”

You acquiesced, silent. Mark sounded so dedicated to his job.

“As for my daughter...I was married to a model in America. Having a kid wasn’t in our plans and she decided her career couldn’t go to waste just because of a kid. I have full custody of her now. I was offered a job in this hospital as a researcher and decided to live here. That’s pretty much all.”

The only thing you could remember was “You were married to a model...?” great, just great. He was used to be around the prettiest girls and here he was, chatting with your tired ass. From the stares he was receiving daily, it was no surprise that this man had been in a relationship with a beauty.

Mark blinked at you. “...yes? Why?” he was clueless.

“No, nothing. It’s just that I’m far from being a model. Must have been new for you when we...” Your laugh didn’t sound genuine and it disappeared as soon as Mark approached your face.

“Do I look like I care about this...?” he studied your face for a while, searching any sign of uncertainty.

“No but, I mean, you’re just, very attractive and I don’t think I’m-“

“Woah woah, wait.” Mark’s shy smile made you lean back a little. You couldn’t handle it. “Don’t think this way, I’m not better than anyone else. I’m just a boring man, honestly. I have a ton of flaws but I do know for sure that I’m attracted to you in a lot of ways.”  You were both surprised by his sudden confession.

“...What?” Ok, that escalated quickly.

“I’m very, very attracted to you. I thought it was obvious. Particularly after that night.” Mark stated like it was the most natural thing for him.

“Oh, well...” it was obvious, after all. You were just too stupid to notice it.

“You don’t remember a thing, but I really wanted this.”

You tilted your head. Why did you drink so much that night? 

“What...happened?”

So naturally, Mark told you about every details.

“You drank too much!” Mark stumbled a bit after his fifth glass of wine, giggling.

“You too!” You yelled back. You were both walking in the hotel’s many halls, trying to stand up on your feet while Mark was holding you, arm around your hips.

“I’m good!” he laughed and you both turned to the last hall leading to your hotel room. You were glad the two hotels were right next to each other and when you both decided the after party was going to be boring -and after way too much alcohol- Mark offered to take you back to your room. You agreed, because Mark was too attractive and you couldn’t let this awesome man go. Your drunk self was making you do things you never thought you could still do after one failed marriage and a kid.

“It’s here!” You spluttered, hands showing the door.

“The damsel has reached her castle!” It was lame, but you laughed, because alcohol made anything funny.

“Thank you, my valiant knight!” Your voice was insanely loud and way too happy. You wobbled to the door and leaned on it, hands reaching for your purse to take your key.

Mark was leaning against the wall, hands in his pockets.

“I can now find rest, thank you, my saviour!” You bowed and almost fell when the door opened, but Mark was quick to reach for you, avoiding one hell of a painful fall.

“Gotcha.” He smirked and suddenly, his face was dangerously close.

“Sorry...” Your breath smelled like alcohol and your face was a mess but to Mark’s eyes, it was mesmerising.

“I know I’m very drunk and you are too, but I really want to kiss you.” You could already feel his nose brush against your cheek.

“I’m not- I don’t do this usually.” You whispered, hands reaching for his jacket for balance.

“Me neither...” Was all he said before reaching for your mouth. The kiss was slow and sensual, just like you thought it would be. Mark’s hands had left your sides to grab your face, and his long fingers cupped your face to bring your body even closer.

He sighed into your moist lips, just before darting his tongue to deepen the kiss. It was a blissful feeling, full of affection and the taste of alcohol was intoxicating.

“Wait..” You mumbled and he released your lips with a soft sound without pushing you away.

“Hmm?” his eyes were closed.

“Let’s not regret this.” No matter how drunk you were, you didn’t want to do this just for the sake of sex. Mark looked like an interesting person who you knew nothing of, and you needed a confirmation that he wasn’t doing this just because he needed some sort of release. You knew you were going to feel like shit the day after, and you knew Mark wouldn’t be there. You felt so stupid suddenly.

Mark opened his eyes and your drunk mind felt even more hopeless in front of his dazzling features. “I’m not drunk enough for that. I want you.”

“But, tomorrow...”

“I’d still want you, If you’d want me.” He kissed you again and suddenly, you didn’t feel so lonely.

Your opened mouth and shocked face made you look like a dying fish. So this is what happened? You looked up at Mark, who was nervously glancing at you.

“I...did this.”

Mark nodded, waiting for any kind of reaction from you. “Are you okay...?”

“I made a fool of myself.” It was so embarrassing.  You were drunk and acted like a clingy bitch, while jumping on the poor Mark.

The latter sighed softly “You make me feel confused so I’m just going to ask you: Do you regret this? I don’t regret it, just like I told you. I’ve been pretty much chasing you around ever since the conference and I have no idea whether you want me or not. Just like you I have a child so I’m not looking for a sex partner and I need to know if you think of me the same way I think of you.” You closed your eyes.

Maybe you have atrial fibrillation. Your heart was about to burst out of your chest and it wasn’t normal.

“I’m not used to this, Mark. Look, as much as I’d love to give in, you have to know that I’m a messy single mother. It sucks to be with me, for real.” Self-deprecation was your main talent.

Mark wasn’t having it “Enough with this. Stop thinking so little of you when I find you wonderful. You said you’d love to give in so just give in and let’s see where it takes us. I don’t want to pressure you so I’m not going to insist but just so you know, I already really like you.”

“Wait, how could you like me-”

“I just do so don’t try to find a scientific explanation.” Mark laughed and you were surprised to see he wasn’t getting annoyed by your pitiful speech. “You can’t always explain the ways of the heart.”

The bell rang and it made you jump off the sofa, leaving the poor Mark “Must be the chicken!” you yelled before he could protest. You came back with a big bag and prepared everything on the table, knowingly avoiding the topic and trying to focus on preparing the food.

Mark was looking at you, static.

“Here.” You handed him the small steamy box and he thanked you, not taking his eyes off your busy face. You didn’t say anything else and it stayed that way until you were both finished. Mark knew it was just a matter of self-confidence, so he didn’t insist, doing his best to hide his disappointed face.

The end of the evening was quiet, as quiet as dinner was and Mark didn’t try to convince you. When you were both done eating he decided not to stay and thanked you warmly for the food. He greeted you from the doorway, too scared to try anything and even though it was for the best, you secretly wanted him to be closer.

Instead, you closed the door and leaned against it, closing your eyes. You were so stupid.

The rest of the week was spent running around the hospital for appointments and replacements. One of your colleague was sick and you had a lot of things to do, including taking in charge the thirty hospitalized patients in the surgery unit.

Jinyoung was doing the same, trying to catch up between classes and surgeries, doing his best to reduce the amount of work you had.

You didn’t see Mark anymore.

Maybe he was gone? Maybe you broke his heart and he decided to go back to America? It couldn’t be it; he could have anyone and he sure was going to find someone better. You chuckled to yourself as you opened the hospital’s main hall doors, aiming for a much-needed break. You closed your eyes when the sun hit your face and sat on one of the bench. People were running around but you could only focus on silence. When did it come to this? When you were young, you knew you wanted to become a doctor. You didn’t know you’d become a heart surgeon, but one thing was sure, it was the fact that you wanted to heal people of whatever they had.

“Excuse me...?” You opened one eye when a tiny voice with a strong accent filled the air. Right next to you was a small girl with light brown hair and huge eyes, looking up at you with amusement. Her face felt kind of familiar.

“Yes?” You asked, amazed by the beauty of her features and her doll-like appearance.

“I’m lost. I just wanted to play but now I’m lost.” She didn’t look the least annoyed by the situation, mischief painted all over her tiny and cute face.

“Shall we go back inside and look for your parents?” You found yourself asking. The girl shrugged, she didn’t look like she wanted it.

“Dad is busy but uncle must be looking for me. He keeps on pinching my cheeks...” She looked disgusted, and her tiny hands reached for her face, hiding the flesh in a protective manner.

You almost melted and got up, reaching for her hand and taking it. “Come on...your name is?”

“Nicole.” The tiny girl answered and started to walk next to you, trying to remember where she came from.

“Nicole, that’s a cute name. Where is your uncle?” You walked and stopped in front of the main elevator.

“He works here! He takes care of other kids!” She beamed and jumped, proud to have such a superhero as an uncle.

“Oh, really?” You thought for a minute. The elevator came and you pressed the button leading to the only unit taking care of kids. The emergency room.

The door opened and Nicole smiled brightly. “It is where I was!!” You smiled back at her and walked deeper into the huge unit, greeting impatient people waiting.

“So, who is your uncle?” You started, looking into numerous rooms to find the person who might be the girl’s uncle.

“Uncle Jackson!” The girl announced and it made you freeze. Uncle Jackson?

“Jack-son?” You repeated, stopping to kneel in front of the girl and she smiled, grabbing your face softly to cup it “You’re so pretty.” Her smile had tiny holes in it, proof of her teeth slowly falling. You looked up at her and her eyes made you stare back at her, in shock.

How could you be so stupid?

“Nicky!” You both heard and found Dr Wang walking fast toward you two. You got up and Nicole let go of your hand to rush to him, falsely sad.

What an actress.

“I’m so sorry uncle, I just needed to go pee-pee.” She lied, hands going to her cheeks to hide them. Jackson made a cute sound and you rolled your eyes at his gullibility.

“It’s okay, don’t do this again, got it? Your dad is going to kill me!” She zipped her mouth and he did the same, both of them laughing like they were evil and Jackson got up to greet you.

“Thank you for bringing her back. She doesn’t know how to behave.” You shook your head at him and didn’t say more. It was best it-f you could escape before-

“What are you all doing here?” Mark’s voice made you close your eyes slowly, not liking where this was going.

“Nothing dad!” She giggled and Jackson became pale.

“Nothing, why would something ha-ha-happen? Right, Y/N?” Jackson looked at you and you could only frown, ready to beat him up for including you in this.

You looked at Mark who was waiting for you to speak. “Hm, we were just chatting.” You didn’t waste any more time and decided to fly away from the scene, cursing at yourself for not remembering the girl’s face.

You almost ran to the elevator and hit the button so hard you almost hurt your hand.

“Come up...hurry up, hurry...” You whispered, not turning around and ignoring everyone around you. You rushed inside when the tiny bell made a sound and pressed the first button you found a couple of times. The doors closed and you finally let go of your breath.

A hand though, made you back off in horror and Mark’s body appeared, eyes stuck on you. He walked deeper into the elevator and leaned against the wall, arms crossed.

“Thanks.” He said and you decided to avoid him at all cost. No matter what he was thanking you for, you were certainly not going to let it get to you.

“Hm.” You hummed back, avoiding his eyes.

“I saw you outside with Nicole.” He explained and it finally made sense in your head. He knew, then.

“Hm.” You looked at the little notice on the elevator’s wall like it was the most important thing in the world.

But you felt him approach you and the heat building by your side proved that he wasn’t going to let you go this easily.

“Are you ignoring me...?” His tone broke your heart but you needed to be strong. You could do it. No, you didn’t miss him, not at all.

He pressed on your shoulder and made you lean flat against the wall, your body facing him. “You are.” He concluded and you looked down, eyes focusing on the deep brown floor.

Mark sighed, hand reaching for your chin to make you look up. “You’re so stubborn.” He lifted your face and you instantly closed your eyes, avoiding him.

It made him laugh. “Come on, look at me.” His tone was different now, more velvety and luscious, which made you open your eyes to look at his dangerously close face.

“Mark...” Was the only thing you could say. He was here, looking absolutely stunning and you were rejecting him again. After all this time when you didn’t see him, you refused to admit it felt good to feel the radiant heat of his perfect body drawing you to him like a magic spell.

“Yes..?” his eyes fell on your lips and he licked his own while hand went to the elevator’s control panel and he pressed the stop button, which immobilized the tiny stall.

“I...we...I don’t..” What could you say?

Mark only chuckled, hand slowly going to your neck to grab it. “Quiet.” He ordered and pulled you against him, kissing you with such intensity that it made you lift a hand to grip his gown.

It was just like you thought it would be: soft. Mark was taking his sweet time tasting you, not minding the fact that the elevator was now blocked. You answered the kiss and it was all that mattered to him so he pressed his body against yours, tempting his luck some more and showing you how much he needed you next to him.

It had been a hard week for him. He wanted to forget about you, to forget about everything involving you but it didn’t work, not when he was seeing you everywhere at the hospital. He had to hide every time, turn around and avoid you because he knew he wouldn’t be able to ignore you but today, just as he was coming back from lunch, he saw you with his daughter, being gentle and walking hand in hand. He did try to look away but he ended up following you, eyes glued to the amazing scene of the woman he loved taking care of the girl he loved.

He was way too soft to ignore the feeling, even less when Nicole grabbed your face with a tenderness he didn’t know she could have. He knew then. He knew he couldn’t keep going like this. Mark had to do everything he could. You had to accept him, somehow.

He released your lip with a soft sucking noise and blinked at you, motionless. It was like time froze around you, and you couldn’t even hear the voices behind the closed doors, explaining the elevator was blocked.

“You were so beautiful with Nicole. I can’t, I couldn’t control it.” His breath tickled your face and made your heart flip. You chose to be silent, and preferred listening to this perfect guy who was now doing his best to win your stupid heart.

“Now stop rejecting me. I know you like me too, but you don’t have to be scared. You’re worth everything I can offer and more and you’re so pretty and kind and soft and your body is perfect and I want to be a family with you. Please.” He said fast and you took a moment to swallow his long confession, merely looking up to meet his pleading eyes and reddish lips.

“I just...” You wanted to say yes so bad. Mark was offering himself on a silver plate, vulnerable and honest yet you were hesitating.

He let out a frustrated sigh “You just what?”

“I don’t want you to be disappointed.” Here you were again, belittling yourself.

“I won’t. I really won’t. I’ll be disappointed if you reject me again, yes.”

You laughed bitterly. “You’re too much for me to handle, Mark.”

“You can do it. You’ll handle me in no time, believe me.” He whispered, already pulling you against him again to kiss you with more passion. He will succeed, he knew it.

After what felt like eternity he released you totally, taking a step away. You didn’t talk, eyes still closed and mind in total conflict. Why were you so scared to give in?

Mark had enough it seemed, because he reached for the control panel again, ready to press on the stop button again to unblock the elevator. “I get it.” He should stop insisting. He was making a fool of himself when you clearly didn’t want to be with him.

But it made you feel even more frightened. So he was giving up for real? You should feel happy because he was going to stop showing up and tempting you, but at the same time, you knew you were going to be eaten by regrets. Mark could really move on and forget about you, leaving you lonely just because you refused to accept his heart.

Your hand stopped his before he could press the button and he looked up at you, shocked.

“Okay. Okay.” You announced. Mark tilted his head.

“Okay...what?” He needed you to say it to believe it.

“I want to be a family, too.” You never felt so shy in your whole life. Mark was making you feel so vulnerable and powerless, you could only look at the floor again, lip trapped between your teeth, still moist because of the previous heated kiss.

Mark smiled brightly and made a sound that felt like music to your ears.

“Finally.” He uttered before grabbing your body and hugging you.

It was the most blissful feeling ever.

“It wasn’t me!”

“You did! You cut her hair!”

“No! NOT.ME!”

You entered the room when you heard yells and stopped in front of the kids fighting again. It was only 6 a.m, how could they be already up and spirited this early?

“What happened?” You asked, kneeling in front of the two tornados.

“He cut my doll’s hair.” Nicole’s soft whining voice made you turn around to your son angrily.

“I didn’t do it!” he whispered, his will to lie fading under your judging eyes.

“Why did you do this...?” You asked, grabbing his hand to make him stand in front of you.

“She ate the cookies.” He pointed at the empty box, forgotten on the floor and Nicole put a hand in front of her mouth.

“It was a secret!” She breathed but your son tried to make his most pitiful face, pleading for your mercy.

You grabbed the empty box “I’m pretty sure we told you two not to eat these cookies...” You took a falsely angry tone and turned to the two guilty kids.

“We’re sorry.” They said together, eyes looking down.

“So you’re even now, right? You’ll both be punished for not listening to us anyways...” You suppressed a yawn and tried hiding your smile when you saw their serious faces.

“We won’t do it again. I won’t touch her dolls again! I swear, mom!” You son sniffed loudly.

You hushed him. “No excuses. It’s barely 6a.m. Go back to sleep and we’ll see how we will punish you.” You lifted a hand toward the two beds and they ran to their own, hiding behind the covers.

You heard them whisper some it’s your fault! and rolled your eyes at them before stretching and going back to your room.

What a day to be off work.

You slid in the bedding and instantly found the heat of another body, barely dressed and pressing against you in a needy manner.

“Bickering again?” Mark’s morning voice sent a shiver down your spine as you nuzzled his chest, humming lowly.

“We have to punish them.” You announced and Mark whined.

“Again? I don’t even know how to punish them anymore...” He wrapped his arms around you and you felt his arm under your tank top, lifting it to caress the skin of your side.

“Let’s sleep for now.” You did the same, hand brushing against his abs.

You felt the muscles contract under your fingers. “If you want to sleep you should stop doing this...”

You found yourself feeling cheeky, this morning. “Oh really, why?” your hand followed the path to his navel to his boxer’s waistband.

He hissed and caught it “I mean it, Y/N.” he let out a throaty groan.

“I wanted to tease you,” You admitted “But now I’m feeling horny.” Your hand pulled on his boxers and he lost all sanity, arms going up to grab you as he almost tore your clothes away.

He went straight for your lips to kiss you. “Babe...” You pulled the underwear a bit more, hand squeezing his butt.

Mark yelped. “Oh you...What am I going to do with you...” you felt his hand between your legs and kissed him again to muffle the noises.

He was so warm and soft. You could never get enough of his gentle touches and loving words. His hand travelled up and lifted your tank-top totally, and you were about to straddle him while he-

“MOOOOOOOOOMMMM!! NICOLE KICKED ME!”

You released Mark’s mouth as your head fell down on his chest.

He simply laughed. “I’ll go.” He kissed you again and jumped out of bed, throwing a robe over his body. “Consider them punished until they turn 25.” He said before closing the door behind him and you laughed loudly.

You loved your family.

[nyangibun]

Little Wolf: Part IX

A/N: Still using the Jonsa Countdown prompts, but it’s so late now I won’t be tagging them anymore. Also, sorry it’s so late! 

PART I | PART II | PART III | PART IV | PART V | PART VI | PART VII | PART VIII - AO3 LINK

PART IX: DRAGONS

If someone had told him when he was twenty-five that one day he would be parading around a one-year-old’s birthday party dressed as a fictional icemaker, Jon might’ve said they were having him on. But here he was dressed as a fictional icemaker running around with a one-year-old in his arms. It felt as surreal as it felt right. Maybe in a distant part of his mind that he determinedly kept at bay, Jon had entertained the image of one day being a father and living in a home just like this with a wife and daughter that he loved and adored. Unfortunately, life had a funny way of giving Jon what he wanted. Not only was he not married to the woman he was admittedly in love with, but the loss of his best friend and his wife still hung over them like a dark cloud.

Chloe tapped on his cheek to regain his attention. She hadn’t learned any new word since the ‘mama’ fiasco of a week ago, but she was more communicative than ever, babbling constantly and pointing to things she wanted. Right now, she was pointing to her stuffed snowman sitting on the sofa.

“Alright, lil’ wolf,” Jon murmured to her as he kissed her temple. Her soft curls tickled his nose, and the sensation made his heart swell. Was it like this with all new parents? Did every laugh, every kiss, every single moment of their child’s life make them feel so much in such a heart-wrenching way?

He bent to pick up the snowman and placed it in Chloe’s grasps. She held on tightly, making smacking noises at the snowman’s nose. She then thrust it into Jon’s face. He sighed, smiling, and leaned his head in to give the snowman a kiss too. Chloe giggled.

“Well, I never thought I’d see the day Jon Snow kissed a stuffed toy, but am I glad I’m wrong.”

Jon turned and laughed brightly when he saw who it was. “Edd, mate. Thanks for coming. I know it’s not really your scene, but –”

“What are you talking about?” Edd said with a mock incredulous expression. “There’s cake; there’s balloons and there’s creepy children’s music. What’s not to like?” He reached over and pushed a curl from Chloe’s face. “Hey, kid. If you ever want to break out of this joint, let me know.”

“Please don’t steal my daughter.” Sansa stood behind Edd grinning, but Jon heard the hesitation before she called Chloe hers. It was work in progress for all of them, but most of all for Sansa, and he was still immensely proud of how far she’d come in the past six months.

Edd jumped back in surprise, chuckling awkwardly. They’d only met a handful of times, but Jon doubted the two had ever had a real conversation. To his friend’s credit, Edd merely shrugged. “Well, gotta give her options, you know?”

“And you’re an option?” She was still smiling, so that eased the rest of the awkwardness away. But there was something in her smile that didn’t feel right to Jon, something wooden and stilted. He knew her well enough to notice the tells.

“Well, if you’re an option, you should probably get used to holding her, right?” Jon eased Chloe into Edd’s arms, whose eyes widened considerably. “Just don’t drop her, yeah? I’ll have to kill you if you do.”

Edd laughed nervously. “Yeah… uh, sure. Wait, where are you going?”

“I need to talk to Sansa for a minute. Last minute birthday stuff.” Jon sent a meaningful look to Sansa, who just inclined her head in confusion. He knew something was off, even if she didn’t want to talk about it. He wasn’t going to push her, however; he just wanted her to know that he was there if she needed him.

Jon took her hand and tugged her upstairs to his bedroom. He shut the door as soon as they got inside. It didn’t occur to him that Sansa hadn’t been in here since he moved in four months ago. Something about that felt oddly intimate.

“I like what you did with it,” Sansa said after a moment, as she sat down on his bed and looked around the small room. “It’s nice.”

“Yeah,” Jon nodded, watching her take in his framed photo of Robb, Jon, Theon and Sam in Magaluf when they were eighteen – a memory that felt like it was from another life altogether. He sat beside her and picked up the photograph. “About ten minutes after this photo was taken, your brother made us drink a quad-vod.”

Sansa’s face pinched with curiosity. “What’s a quad-vod?”

“It’s four vodka shots in a pint glass mixed with a vodka mixer.” He shuddered at the thought. “It was messy. I don’t remember most of the night. We lost Theon for ten hours. And found Sam curled up on the floor of our shower.”

Sansa giggled as she leaned back on his bed, shaking her head. “Sounds like Robb.”

“Your brother was a menace,” Jon added. He mirrored her position, but angled his body so he could look at her. “Do you want to tell me what’s wrong?”

Her whole body froze. She closed her eyes and exhaled deeply through her nose. The seconds that ticked by filled him with nervous tension. They’d come a long way in six months. Jon doubted they would ever be as close as they used to be, but he hoped she still trusted him – and not just with Chloe. He wanted to be there for her in every aspect of her life.

“If I tell you, will you promise not to freak out and go all… Jon on me?”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“You know, all protective and – just promise me, okay?” Sansa sighed again. She looked tired, more world-weary than he’d seen her in a long while, so maybe that was why he nodded his agreement despite getting the feeling that he was about to regret it.

“My coworker Annie. You met her, right?” She shook her head. “Anyway, she texted me earlier. She said…” Jon reached for her hand and squeezed, offering her support. She smiled in turn, but it was weak, barely even reached her eyes. “Petyr’s back, Jon. He’s back and… and he’s the assistant principal.”

His mum always told him he had dragon blood in him. As a child, Jon didn’t understand the meaning behind her words. They appeared harmless, something he had taken pride in as a young boy looking to carve a piece of the world for himself, but as he grew older, he knew. Within these veins his blood burned, lava racing to his heart and igniting his soul. Anger, barely restrained, washed over him and he could feel the dragon inside raring for a fight, as it had done so many times in his youth.

“Jon, stop it.” Sansa’s voice registered only for a fraction of a second, as he stood up and paced the room, fists clenching and unclenching. She stood up too. “I don’t need you to protect me. I didn’t tell you so you’d go running off to be my knight-in-shining-armour.”

It was her reciprocating anger that began to calm him.

“I told you because I need you,” she said, no less angry, but gentler now. Sweeter. Her voice was always so sweet to him. “I need you to be here with me, Jon. I can handle Petyr, but I don’t want to –” She faltered, and just like that, the anger was gone and in its place was concern, love and the gut-wrenching need to hold her. Jon cradled her face in his hands and made sure she could see all of that reflected in his eyes. She exhaled. “I don’t want to do this alone.”

“You’re never alone,” he said fervently. “You have your family. You have Chloe. And you have me. Always me.” Even while he was in Spain trying to move on, she always had him. Maybe that was just a truth he’d have to come to terms with.

Her eyes shone bright, and past the fear, the insecurity and doubt, he could see the quiet strength Sansa always carried. God, he wanted to kiss her, so wholly and desperately it ached. Instead, Jon pressed his lips to her forehead, lingering a few seconds too long, before leaning back.

“I love you, you know that, right?”

It was torture to hear those words and know that she didn’t mean it the way he wanted, but if Sansa could only love him as a friend, it was better than being without her altogether. He knew that firsthand now.

“Yeah, Sans,” Jon nodded, smiling at her. “I love you too.”

For a split second, her brows furrowed, creating deep grooves in between them. This was a look he couldn’t decipher. Was she angry? Confused? Jon had the mind to ask her, but instead, he chose to smooth out the lines with the pad of his thumb, watching as she closed her eyes and her lips part, a soft exhale that he could feel right to his very core. It would be so easy to lean in now, so easy to place his lips on her, gentle, coaxing and questioning. But before Jon could make up his mind, the door burst open and they both jumped apart.

“Chloe keeps crying out for ‘mapa’ and we have no idea what that means. Is it a toy or –” Arya smirked and backed away slowly. “You know what? I’m sure we can find out on our own.”

“No, wait!” Sansa shouted, practically running from the room after her little sister.

Jon stayed where he was, his fingers tingling with the remnants of her touch on his skin. His blood still burned, but this time, it was burning for an entirely different reason.

[1a-little-obsessed1-blog]

Its different now... A Nash Grier Imagine (This is linked to my previous series)

Its been 3 years since Nash And I broke up. I’m 19 Now living in London happy, Mahogany, Shawn and I were still as close as we were when i left maybe even more. My dad remarried to my amazing step mum Cheryl and i now have a cute 13 year old step sister called Tori and a baby Half brother Ace he’s only 1 month and hes adorable! I haven’t really heard from Nash but i guess i’ve moved on. I was beginning my first year in a photography and arts University in central London.

Wednesday 8th September 2016

I wake up to a new day 6:00 AM sharp. I have a warm shower and put on my outfit for my first day at uni. I wore a Blue hoodie with a white tanktop and Black jeans, I then put on a pair of white jeans and white Vans. I run down stairs and pour some Granola, Fruits and yogurt in a bowl and i then get a 1 Liter Bottle of orange juice out if the fridge and guzzle it down with my breakfast. I run back upstairs and put a headband on, I then lightly applied some makeup to my face and then put my glasses on. I put my backpack on my shoulders and run downstairs to see my little sis sitting there all ready to go to school waiting for me as usual. I sit next to her and stuff fruits into my bag. “Hey whats up T” (T is her nickname)

“Nothing much... Jazz?”(She calls me jazz because When i first met her i gave her jazz hands trying to look cool)

“Yeah?”

“Can we go to some meet up after school today... Like you pick me up and ill go with you...”

“Sure you do whatever you want but just dont expect me to join in im probably gonna be face timing Shawn and Mahogany”

“Ok whatever i just really wanna go because theres gonna be a bunch of youtubers and i cant wait sqeeeeee!!!”

“Ok OK I get it your excited c’mon let go ill drop you off at school, oh yeah we cant be long after school i have alot of video editing for my channel.”

“OK one sec let me get my bag...” she runs to the livving room and throws her bag over her arms.

We walk to school i drop her off and then catch a train to West minister After that it’s a ten minute walk from the train station.

~Skip to the end of the day~

My day at school wasn’t bad it was ok, i didn’t have any friends but i wasn’t too bothered since i’m kinda Introverted. I kept to myself being eyed down here and there by guys. The end of the day rolled around and i went to go pick up my sweet lil sis. I wait for her outside her school gates and she runs to give me a hug. We then walk to A small community center it was packed with girls wearing t-shirts that had the number 97 on them I felt like something wasn’t adding up. I felt a presence a familiar presence a warm loving one. We we waited in line for whatever Tori wanted us to go for. I just stood with her on my phone looking through my social media. I then hear the voice of a young man I look up from my phone and see... Nash... He looked around and we made ye contact, instantly i turned my head and something went off. thats when it hit me “Shit... why the fuck is Nash here... what have i done..” I mutter to myself and before i knew it we were at the front of the line. I covered one of my eyes with my fringe and plastered a smile on my face. Tori screams and hugs him, he didn't notice me standing beside her... i think. she then got him to sign her planner. she then takes a selfie with him and then my sister did the stupidest ever.

“Hey Jaz come take a picture with Nash” She said oblivious to why i was trying to avoid Nash.

“Huhh? I’ll pass...” I shrugged and held her hand tight.

“C’mon let my fix your hair...” She brushed my fringe off my face and neatly tucked it behind my ear.

“T come on let go before mum and da-” I was cut off by Nash.

“Zahra?”

I was silent for 5 seconds straight. I then plastered a smile on my face and said. “Nash.. Long time no see....Ahem. well me and Tori are gonna leave now byeeeee!!!”

“No Zahra wait...” He grabbed my arm.

“What Nash. What do you want im over you.” I felt bad why can’t i just keep my fat gob shut.

“Zahra.... please?” I could hear the same disappointment in his voice from the day i left.

“I’m sorry... i shouldn’t have said that. Here its my Dads card it has my house phone number on it.” I look in my wallet and hand him a card. I then walk away dragging Tori with me. We were only like a block away from home, we both never spoke a word to each other.

“Jazz how does Nash Grier know you?”

“Long story short , I met him when i was fifteen we dated and then I decided it wouldn’t work because long distance relationships were not really my thing.”

“YOU GUYS DATED?! how did you not tell me?!”

“I didnt really think it mattered.”

“Its ok i still love you.” she put on a silly face.

We walked into the house and were hit by a wave of crying coming from baby ace. I go to the living room where i see Cheryl going insane. “Need a little help i think my baby brother missed me.” I take the baby out of her arms and cuddle him, eventually he opens his eyes and smiles. I smile at him and he falls asleep and that smile slowly fades away. The house phone rings and i pick up.

“Hello, This is miss Zahra Korra Marglin speaking who is this?”

“Hey its Nash...”

“Oh. hi.” Ace starts crying.

“Is that a baby?” He asks.

“Yeah one second.” I then focus on my baby brother. “It’s ok Baby Ace I’m here ive got you..” I rock him to sleep.

“Wow that was quick” He sounded like there was something on his ind he really had to get off.

“I’ve been really busy  with school, youtube and my baby brother lately sorry if he cries again.”

“It’s fine... Look Zahra. I still love you.I love everything about you. I dont know why your avoiding me. i just wan to ask you if i’ve  done anything wrong.”

“No. you haven’t done anything wrong. Things are different now. I’m grown up its been three years we’ve drifted apart.” I feel a tear run down my cheek and fall onto Ace’s face.

“You wanted me to leave and thats what i did. What you said to me at the airport before you left. I really thought about it. We crossed paths ii came back give me chance please...”

“Ill think about it. Im gonna go out for a run around Primrose hill. ill call you later bye”

“Bye.”

*Hangs up*

I put Ace down in his baby bouncer and call Tori down to look after him.

“T just look after him i’m gonna go out for a run see ya”

I run out the door before she could give me a response. I started running and then i started walking. I slowed down and started walking around. I was walking past an ally way before a drunk man came and grabbed my by the arm. I Scream for him to let go but the louder i got the tighter his grip became.”Get the fuck o-off me” I then see someone appear and punch the man in the face. The man then Let go and scampered away. I looked up at the mystery guy who was towering over me.  “Wh-Who are you? And why didn’t you just leave me?” The guy took his hood off and revealed The same boy i fell in love with three years ago.

“why would i leave my one and only?” Nash said.

I hugged him tight.

“I knew you’d come back” I whisper to him.

“I could never leave you.”

“Can we go home please its a bit cold...”

I take him home and sneak him up to my room. I didn’t care when i was getting dressed for bed i just Got dressed in front of him.

“Damn your such a tease!” he says laying down on my bed.

“I bet that makes you want me more...” I say a little flirtatious.

“Damn since when did you start talking like that?! I aint complaining”

“I was forced to watch Fifty Shades Of Grey you really dont thing im a changed girl?”

“Who would do that?!”

“Jack G who els? But honestly i don’t care if i undress in front of you. Your my boyfriend arent you?” I give him a smirk.he then gets up and walks behind me wrapping his arms around my waist.

“You dont know how long ive wanted to see you...”

“Babe.. Can we continue. from where we left off 3 years ago.”

“Of course.”

He laid down on the bed and i sat on top of his bare chest and kissed him. we then fell asleep in the arms of one another.

[patheticphallacy]

IT’S MAY Y’ALL. Even though I’ll still be doing blog posts in May, it’s not going to be as hectic, as I finally finished my second year of university and have decided to take it easy after a very packed April.

I’m also doing things a little different with my wrap up this month by getting rid of star ratings. I watched a video on it, and I just feel like I’d rather people go by my actual comments on the books than look at the rating and decide that covers all my thoughts. I still have star ratings on Goodreads for my own personal use, but I’m doing my best to start writing proper summaries of my thoughts from now on!

READING WRAP UP

  Tropic of Serpents by Marie Brennan– a solid follow up to the first book, although there’s a startling lack of dragons in a series about a dragon naturalist! Definitely go into this one expecting a lot more politics than book 1, and Isabella starting a lot of Drama.

The Elementals by Michael McDowell– such an amazing horror novel! McDowell is so underrated for a writer who wrote predominantly in the seventies and eighties, and it’s so tragic how young he died. 

Princess Jellyfish Volume 1 by Akiko Higashimura– such a disappointing read. It’s really problematic, to the point where it drastically impacted my enjoyment of the plot, especially when I’ve got so many other more recent manga I could be enjoying more than this. 

Fullmetal Alchemist Volume 8 by Hiromu Arakawa– speaking of next tier manga… holy shit. I am so scared of volume 9 and finishing this series, it’s meant so much to me and it’s really helped me immerse myself fully in reading manga. 

Lumberjanes Volume 9 by Shannon Watters– Barney is a precious precious bean and I love them! This is a roller derby volume, and it was pretty great: I’ve been a fan of roller derby since I first watched Whip It, and this volume was super entertaining!

Lumberjanes Volume 10 by Shannon Watters– wholesome volume where the parents come to visit their kids. I do feel really sad for Molly, but it was nice seeing everyone else’s parents! 

Lumberjanes: A Midsummer Night’s Scheme by Nicole Andelfinger– this was a fun bonus one shot comic. However, it does get very cheesy and it’s whole message is just so obvious  that them explaining it was very much unneeded. 

Smut Peddler Volume 1 by Various Authors– this is a fun anthology of smut comics that I super enjoyed reading. E.K. Weaver’s comic is by far my favourite, and it’s only after I realised that it was a one shot about a character in her webcomic! 

Rumple Buttercup BY Matthew Gray Gubler– a very cute children’s graphic novel about loving yourself and finding acceptance! 

Smut Peddler Volume 2 by Various Authors– this wasn’t as good as volume 1, but I still read it really quickly and had a fun time looking at the different art styles and methods of story telling!

Dream Daddy by Various Authors– there are so many good moments in this comic, it’s so great. Highly recommend if you’ve played the game, and if you haven’t, check it out, it’s real fun! Damien and Robert’s issue was by far my favourite as they were my favourites in the game too.

Tokyo Ghoul Volume 5 by Sui Ishida– finally, I’m starting to enjoy Tokyo Ghoul. It took a while this volume to actually understand what the hell was happening, but once I did, it really did become something I enjoyed.

Rick and Morty VS Dungeons and Dragons by Patrick Rothfuss– A decent enough read, although there is way too much dialogue and exposition on every page. The font is really small, too, so reading it was a hassle. 

Meddling Kids by Edgar Cantero– this book was actually terrible and I have a whole review discussing my issues and how harmful it is!

Jackass! Volume 1 by Scarlet Beriko– This is a funny, sweet manga about fetishes and blackmail. It has an age gap romance between an 18 year old and a doctor, and there is some transphobic bullying/weird treatment of bullying being okay if the person has a crush on you, but the main relationship is great, and the MC has a really lovely relationship with his older sister. 

Batwoman: Elegy by Greg Rucka– Chronicles the Alice Batwoman arc from Detective Comics, as well as giving the backstory for Kate. It’s so great having a badass DC hero who is a lesbian, whose storyline also touches on homophobia in the ‘don’t ask don’t tell’ era of the military. Glad I finally got to this!

Sparrowhawk #5 by Delilah S Dawson– a really disappointing series conclusion overall. I knew I should’ve just stopped reading after the first issue and I wasn’t feeling it, and I honestly wish I had after such a dissatisfying conclusion. Others may enjoy this, but it really wasn’t for me.

Assassination Classroom Volume 1 by Yusei Matsui— an amazing series starter! Already really moving with a teacher who spends all his time encouraging his students despite being a threat to the entire world they have to kill within the year. I have a feeling this will become a new favourite.

I’ll Be Gone in the Dark by Michelle McNamara– really great non-fiction read written by a journalist who played a massive part in the resurgence of talk surrounding the Golden State Killer. You also get some of her life story, and by the end I was almost in disbelief that the author had already died by the time her work was published. I will say it did drag at points, especially in the parts not written by McNamara that had to be finished after she died, but overall a really thorough look into the cases and the victims.

The Woods Volume 5 by James Tynion IV– this series is- dare I say it- picking up? I still have issues with the representation and the fact that most of the main characters to have died, especially in this volume, were POC while the white characters are in the exact same situation and survive. Will have to see if this carries on. 

Backwards & In Heels by Alicia Malone– this started off strong, and I found out so much about women in film and their presence in the industry since the creation of film in the 1800’s. However, by the end it got so repetitive and formulaic in the way information was presented that I started skimming. This is more of a coffee-table, occasional-read book when you fancy learning more about amazing women! Also, even though there is diverse rep and talk of lack of hiring of WOC and LGBT+ women in the industry, we also get the author praising white women earlier on in the book who took on roles where they did blackface and yellowface, which really dulled down the conversation in the latter half of the book. 

My Love Story!! Volume 6 by Kazune Kawahara– so GOOD. I got so emotional reading this volume, I ended up crying. This is by far one of my favourite manga series, I can’t recommend it enough. It follows tough-but-soft boy Takeo as he enters into a relationship with Yamato, cutest girl in the universe, with the support of his best friend Suna. Truly the PEAK of romantic comedy fiction. 

When the Sky Fell on Splendor by Emily Henry– emotional, hardhitting read about a group of friends who end up with superpowers after discovering a strange alien object. It’s very reminiscent of the film Super 8 in my head, and if you love stories about not only aliens but found families through friendship, highly recommend!

The Hound of the Baskervilles by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle– I just don’t think Sherlock Holmes is for me. I love the retellings and adaptations, and in theory, I’m invested in the murder mysteries, but I just think Doyle’s prose weighs it down and there’s always that underlying racism I don’t think is appropriate to even attempt to shake. 

And my May TBR Jar pick is…. MY HEART GOES BANG by Keris Stainton!

TV SHOWS/MOVIES/VIDEOS

At the start of the month, I started bingeing Dead Meat videos, a channel entirely revolving around horror. My personal favourite series is the Saw kill count videos, and the movies that changed horror podcast episode James (the host) does with his girlfriend Chelsea (who is amazing)!

I finally watched season 2 of Stranger Things! I adore Steve, as always, and it was such a solid season (BOB). However I did have an issue with the needless rivalry that festered with Elle towards Max, season 3 better sort that and stop pitting girls against each other for no reason other than because of boys.

Zoe from Read by Zoe was on FIRE this month with some really great read-a-thon videos! I loved her 24 read-a-thon vlog especially, she read only books she enjoyed growing up and it all felt really nostalgic.

This is very much a personal one, but my favourite streamer returned to a podcast with the company he used to work for, and it was just…. so heartwarming to watch. I can’t believe he left four years ago! I’ve been watching this company since I was about fourteen, so it was so nice watching this, a long-awaited reunion.

Kat at paperbackdreams did an amaaaaazing video rant reviewing After by Anna Todd, and I loved it. In general Kat is a top tier booktuber for me, I highly recommend her videos as much as I can!

MUSIC I’VE ENJOYED

Pressure by The 1975

Old Town Road Remix by Lil Nas X, Billy Ray Cyrus

The Black and White and I Spend Too Much Time in My Room by The Band CAMINO

I Got 5 On It  (Tethered Mix From US) by Michael Abels, Luniz, Michael Marshall

Soldiers (From Stranger Things) by Kyle Dixon, Michael Stein

REVIEWS I POSTED

Three Romance Reviews: Kulti, The Hating Game and Sunstone

The Elementals Book Review

Meddling Kids Book Review

OTHER POSTS I’VE DONE 

Spring Cleaning Book Tag

Film Friday: Favourite Campus Films

Getting Through Exam and Essays: ADVICE

DISCUSSION: Reading at University, and how I do it!

Music Monday: OMG This Song Book Tag

Top Ten Tuesday: Rainy Day Reads

Top Ten Tuesday: First Ten Books I Ever Reviewed on Goodreads

  April Wrap Up & May TBR Jar Pick IT'S MAY Y'ALL. Even though I'll still be doing blog posts in May, it's not going to be as hectic, as I finally finished my second year of university and have decided to take it easy after a very packed April.