#and ive been completely and totally overwhelmed

[uwooyoungs]

//

[sugurugetoshairbrush]

tl;dr hitting blinkers on a dab pen with stoner!suguru getou [prev] [nxt]

your situationship with suguru remains undefined. not that it’s pressing—you’re comfortable with deepening the relationship before labeling it. to you, he’s your man that’s not your man, but that’s your man. and if that’s confusing, then trying to define your relationship with gojo might just send you into a spiral. you quickly learned that being involved with suguru means gojo is automatically part of the package, like some bizarre two-for-one deal. 

after only a couple of interactions, gojo was already insisting you call him by his first name, texting you like you’d been friends for years. suguru warned you he was clingy, but you’d imagined it on a smaller scale. not that it’s a problem—he’s not annoying. if anything, he’s entertaining, sending you memes, munchies, and random gossip. since suguru doesn’t seem to mind and occasionally looks relieved to have gojo off his back, you’re happy to go along with it.

the conversation you find yourselves revisiting the most is about suguru’s uncanny ability to outsmoke both of you. every single time, with no exceptions. while you and gojo are baked into the furniture, marveling at how vivid your senses have become, suguru is casually riding a mellow high, maybe a little giggly, but never anywhere close to where you and gojo end up.

the downside? for you, it means being hyper-aware of his fleeting, soft touches—every caress amplified, every kiss leaving you spiraling. one brush of his fingers, and you’re a mess, a pillow princess completely wrecked before things even escalate. you wish you could share that out-of-body, dreamlike state with him, instead of the night ending with him looking after you and gojo like a couple of overgrown children.

gojo, ever the opportunist, proposed a solution: dab pens.

“totally different experience,” he assured you. while building tolerance to smoking is something you can gradually ease into, a dab pen hits like a truck—instant and overwhelming, a visceral high. he already had one picked out, but you can’t help the pang of guilt that creeps in. is it wrong to be plotting on suguru like this? the question lingers, so you text gojo for some reassurance.

satoru :3: nahh its morally grey

you: that’s still not good

satoru :3: everything is relative, the earth is flat, life is a simulation satoru :3: come on I alr bought the cart

you: oh brother you: fine pick it up rn bc I got my shift covered tmr and suguru’s free tn

satoru :3: kay! btw its 90.02% thc satoru :3: the packaging has an alien abduction on it :P

you: you’re not making me feel better

satoru :3: my accomplice <3

you: what if it doesnt work you: ive seen him face 4 blunts. back2back

satoru :3: not if we hit blinkers yk his ass is competitive

you: I just might die tn…

accepting that you have no idea where the night will take you, you call an uber to their apartment, savoring what feels like your final moments of lucidity for the day. when you arrive, you see suguru sitting on the stoop of the building, passing a blunt to toji, whose bruised eye is still faintly visible, serving as a reminder of his failed attempt to hit on you.

men are so uncomplicated—they argue, tussle, and then they’re back to being cordial like nothing ever happened.

as you approach, toji ashes the blunt and nods in acknowledgment. you squint, making out the detailing on toji’s sweatsuit—it’s denim tears, and overall he looks way more put together. his dark hair is trimmed neatly, and he’s sporting a silver chain. suguru’s lounging comfortably in grey sweats, and an oversized black tee. he rises, effortlessly pulling you into his arms. 

“hey baby,” he greets warmly, and you can smell the faint mint of his shampoo beneath the haze of smoke clinging to him. you squeeze his waist, drawing back to plant a soft kiss on his cheek. 

“hi sugu,” you eye toji warily—nodding his way, “toji.”

suguru gestures to toji, “go ahead and top that off, we’re heading in.”

“good lookin’,” toji replies with a sly smirk, waving you away, “see ya.”

the elevator doors slide shut, commencing its ascent, and you can’t help but ask, “is toji out here robbing folks?”

suguru chuckles, clearly amused. “kinda. he started scamming, swiping cards, and jamming chips—that kind of thing.” he shakes his head. “honestly, he’s really been hustling. I’ve never seen him more actively involved with megumi.”

you draw in a breath, “well… that’s good?”

inside, the apartment is clean, lavender-scented, and gojo is already sprawled on the couch, watching cartoons. he brightens when he sees you, enthusiastically patting the seat beside him.

“finally! we’ve been waiting forever.”

“forever” turns out to be less than an hour, according to suguru, but gojo whines dramatically anyway. 

“so,” suguru drawls, eyeing you both suspiciously, “what are you two plotting?”

gojo disappears momentarily, returning with the dab pen like a magician revealing his trick. 

“ta-daa~!” he announces.

suguru blinks, unimpressed. “it’s just a pen?”

“not just any pen,” you reply, resting a hand on his thigh. “trust us.”

gojo smirks. “unless you’re scared or something?... pussy.”

suguru raises a brow, grabbing the pen. “so how are we gonna do this?”

you clasp your hands together, “we can only hit blinkers.”

just as gojo predicted, suguru’s competitive streak takes over. after throwing some jabs and a quick trip to the fridge to stockpile water, you’re ready.

gojo takes the lead, he activates the pen, pressing the button down five times until it glows an ominous red. he lifts it to his lips with a mock salute taking a deep, dramatic inhale. the faint woosh of his draw drags on for several seconds until the light blinks. 

he ghosts the thick smoke for a moment, then exhales in a steady stream. “easy.” he declares smugly—until the coughing starts. his bravado crumbles as he hacks and sputters, spilling water in his frantic search for a sip.

your hit goes about as well. the initial inhale feels smooth, but halfway through, your throat ignites like you’ve swallowed fire. you’re left chugging water, gasping for relief while gojo’s laughter fills the room.

suguru’s hit is no different. he takes the pen with his usual quiet confidence, lips curling around it like this is nothing. the first few seconds are smooth—calculated, even—until the thick, milky smoke betrays him. he chokes, his back shaking as a fit of coughing overtakes him.

“shit,” he rasps, eyes squeezed shut as he leans back. “that cart packs a punch.”

twenty minutes pass, you think you’ve suffered through three, maybe four more hits and you’re all sprawled on the couch in a collective stupor, shoulders pressed together as the room swirls in a pleasant, woozy haze.

your head feels like it’s been submerged underwater. being sandwiched between suguru and gojo, doesn’t help, the warmth of their bodies makes you hyper-aware of how sluggish and foggy you feel. instinctively, you twitch and then wonder if anyone noticed. the tv sounds several decibels louder and you realize that gojo has been watching scooby-doo. 

“hear me out—,” gojo declares out of nowhere, “velma?”

suguru hums. “not really a hear me out. most people would.” he looks at you, a teasing glint in his eyes. “I’d love to see you dressed as velma—have you fumbling for your glasses.”

your cheeks flush, but gojo ignores it pressing on. “fred?”

“basic.”

“okay… I got it. the sheriff, he’s got big dick energy.”

you decidedly don’t hear him out. but, he’s already moving on to the next “pressing” issue.

“guys. guys.” he jabs a finger at the screen, “I neeed that big-ass sandwich. like right now. ’m starving!”

honestly, he’s got a point. the towering sandwich dripping with sauces and stacked with layers of meat and veggies looks incredibly appetizing in your current state. suguru seems to agree because he grabs your hand and drags you to the fridge.

the sight inside is… grim. two eggs, a loaf of bread that looks like it’s been there too long, a couple of protein drinks, and some beer.

suguru lets out a long, dramatic groan. “guess we’re hitting the corner store. at least it’s only a block away.”

“an adventure!” gojo leaps to his feet, spinning in an exaggerated flourish. “let’s go!”

the three of you pile into the elevator, the hum of its old machinery filling the small space. when the doors creak open on the ground floor—the correct floor this time (you may have accidentally pressed the second floor first)—there, waiting for you, is obstacle # 1: the brats.

megumi and his friends are darting back and forth across the lobby, their shrill laughter echoing as they roughhouse. you think they’re playing tag, but you’re not sure. the three of you freeze, exchanging a silent look before attempting to walk in a straight line toward the door, as if that might somehow make you invisible.

it doesn’t. if anything, it makes you look incredibly suspicious.

“you guys look weird!” a high-pitched voice cracks through the commotion. “you know you don’t need to walk in a line—we’re not at school!”

you glance down to see one of megumi’s friends: a boy with short pink hair and big brown eyes, staring up at you curiously.

megumi approaches, scowling. his dark brows knit together in a way that makes you feel like you’ve just been caught red-handed.

“I know these guys,” he announces, side-eyeing you all. “they’re friends with my dad. and they’re too old to still be walking in lines.”

he tilts his head, sharp and accusatory. “did you guys cook with my dad’s pot?”

gojo, the boldest of the three of you, raises an eyebrow. “what?”

“you know, my dad’s pot. my mom’s always telling him to stop using it because it smells funny. I don’t know why he doesn’t just wash it. after he cooks with it, he acts weird like this too.”

oh.

suguru takes drastic measures. “megumi, nobara just tagged you back! are you really going to let that slide?”

megumi whips around, glaring at the little girl with cropped brown hair. “nobara!” he yells, charging after her.

taking advantage of the distraction, the three of you bolt for the door.

outside, the crisp night air greets you. despite the brief confrontation, you continue walking in a rigid line, suguru leading the way toward the corner store. you’re at the back, stumbling over your own feet every few steps. gojo, meanwhile, is completely engrossed in his phone, so much so that he almost walks into a pole.

reaching the corner store comes with a short-lived sense of accomplishment until you encounter obstacle #2: deciding what to buy.

inside, the fluorescent lights are harsh and invasive, humming faintly. the cashier, a thin man with neatly parted black hair and sharp cheekbones, greets suguru with a polite nod.

“what’s up, ijichi?” suguru says, raising a hand.

“welcome back, getou. let me know if I can help you with anything,” ijichi replies, his voice monotone but cordial.

you stalk the aisles like predators circling prey, overwhelmed by options. after what feels like an eternity of indecision—picking things up, putting them down, and staring some more—you finally gather your haul and head to the register.

ijichi surveys your collection with barely concealed disbelief: a cinnamon roll, two twinkies, a ready-made hotdog, a bag of hot fries, two cherry cokes, and a pack of gummy bears.

as he rings up your total, you think you catch him gagging slightly. you clutch the back of suguru’s shirt for support, and he glances at you, startled, as if he hadn’t realized you were standing so close.

ijichi bags your items in a flimsy plastic sack, his expression somewhere between amused and horrified. “have a… safe night.”

the bell jingles as the door closes behind you, and a cold breeze makes you shiver. gojo digs into the bag immediately, tearing open a twinkie wrapper with his teeth.

“’s’jus me,” he mumbles through a mouthful, “or waf he lookin’ at ush weird?”

suguru points to his own mouth. “satoru, don’t talk with your mouth full.”

gojo swipes at his face, wiping crumbs on his joggers. his phone dings sharply, and he frowns, glancing at the screen before looking up at you nervously. in comes obstacle # 3: gojo’s spontaneous antics.

“satoru,” you say, crossing your arms both to steady yourself and shield against the cold. “what did you do?”

suguru doesn’t notice your exasperation—he’s in his own world, his hair draped over his shoulder, stray strands framing his face. his faraway expression, cheeks puffed out slightly, makes him look softer than usual. you’d think it was cute if you weren’t so annoyed.

gojo’s explanation spills out in one breath. “okay, so watching scooby-doo made me think about dogs so naturally I started looking up puppy pics on insta, and a breeder I know—,” he gestures to suguru, “yaga, posted about a litter of puppies he’s trying to sell, and I, uh… I made an impulse buy.”

“what?!” you and suguru exclaim in unison.

gojo flinches but presses on. “I wasn’t thinking! they’re pit-lab mixes, and soo cute I couldn’t resist. I didn’t think he’d be ready to sell one so fast, but he’s here now.”

as you near the apartment, you spot a black suv parked out front, hazards blinking. its headlights flash as if signaling to gojo, whose unmistakable white hair gives him away.

gojo shakes his arms out. “guys, do I sound normal? I need to fix this before I come off as an irresponsible pothead.”

“you are an irresponsible pothead,” suguru deadpans, though he smirks. “but yeah, you’re the most coherent right now. lead the way.”

the suv’s window rolls down, revealing a bulky man with dark glasses and a goatee.

“satoru, that you? suguru? long time no see. hop in—the puppies are in the back. you’ve got the pick of the litter.”

gojo heads for the rear door, but suguru tugs at your shirt, pulling you back. his voice is quiet, almost hesitant. “hey… I’m feeling kind of overwhelmed. can you wait with me for a sec before we deal with gojo’s nonsense?”

your heart melts. “of course.” you wave gojo off, telling him you’ll catch up in a minute, and follow suguru into a narrow alley running alongside the building. it’s secluded and dimly lit, the faint sounds of the city echo in the distance as you stop and turn to him.

grasping his hands, you intertwine your fingers with his. his face is slightly flushed, his expression open and vulnerable.

“are you okay? do you want to go inside?”

“no, no—” he waves it off, his voice soft but tight. “I’m just… overstimulated. everything feels too loud, too sharp. I’m all over the place.”

you snort softly, amused by the unexpected role reversal. “that’s how gojo and I end up feeling half the time. you’re so cute.”

rubbing your thumb over his knuckles, you press a gentle kiss to his jaw.

“what do you need from me?” you ask.

he leans into your touch, a shy smile tugging at his lips. “this is nice,” he murmurs, wrapping his arms around your waist and nestling his face into the crook of your neck. his breath is warm, tickling your skin.

instinctively, your hands sweep under his loose top, brushing over the warmth of his back. his body shivers at your touch, goosebumps rising beneath your fingertips.

“how’s this?” you ask softly.

“good,” he breathes.

you pull back slightly, cupping his jaw and bringing his face close. your lips hover over his, teasing. “just focus on my touch, okay?”

he hums in agreement, and when your lips finally meet, he responds with uncharacteristic urgency. his kiss is fervent, a raw expression of need that makes your pulse race. his hands grip your hips firmly, drawing you closer as his mouth moves against yours. he licks into your mouth, brushes his tongue against yours, making you gasp, then tilts his head to suck on it.

when your fingers trail to the waistband of his sweats, his breath hitches sharply. his reaction is all the encouragement you need, the air between you dense with tension.

he groans, his voice low and ragged as your palm brushes over the prominent bulge straining against the fabric. “fuck—ah, more.”

you glance up, his flushed face and dilated pupils making your heart race. without hesitation, you sink to your knees, looking up at him through your lashes with a teasing smile.

“more?” you echo, pulling his sweats down just enough to release the pressure. leaning in, you blow warm air over the outline of his thick cock through the thin material of his boxers. he shudders, his composure shattering.

“sugu I want to taste you,” you murmur, your voice dripping with need.

he curses under his breath, fumbling to free himself. his hand wraps around his thick shaft, slowly pumping himself once, twice, before guiding his tip along your cheek. pre-cum smears against your skin, warm and sticky. 

“aah,” he groans when you stick out your tongue, letting a trail of saliva drip onto the concrete below. he presses his tip to your tongue, rubbing it up and down as you curl it along his slit.

replacing his hand with your own, you lick a slow, deliberate line from base to tip, savoring the salty tang of his pre-cum. his fingers tangle in your hair, tugging gently as you take him into your mouth, inch by inch, until your lips are flush against the tuft of black hair at his base.

“baby, you feel so good,” he rasps, his voice heavy with pleasure. “your mouth is so warm, wet—” you swallow, tightening around him, and he chokes out a shaky breath. “—and tight.”

you cup his balls, rolling them gently in your palm. his hips jerk, a low moan spilling from his lips. tears sting at the corners of your eyes, but you keep your gaze locked on his, letting the sight of his unraveling spur you on.

“I’m close—fuck,” he warns, his voice tight. 

pulling back, you kiss along his shaft, your hand stroking him in slow, deliberate motions. you glance, lips curling into a sly smile as you whisper, “sugu, come inside.” 

his breath catches as you take him back into your mouth, hollowing your cheeks. his moans grow louder, uninhibited, as he grips your hair and begins to guide your movements, fucking your throat.

“ah—fuck, gonna come,” he groans.

you intertwine your fingers with his free hand, holding his gaze as you pull back to suck on his tip, tongue swirling over the slit. with a long drawn-out groan of your name, he spills into your mouth, hot and thick. you swallow every drop, licking your lips as he twitches in your grasp.

“fuck,” he breathes, his voice shaky as he tucks himself back into his sweats. “you’re insatiable.”

you rise to your feet, knees aching from the rough concrete. he steadies you, brushing stray hairs from your face. leaning in, you press a gentle kiss to his lips, letting him bask in the afterglow.

but when you glance over his shoulder, your heart sinks. a few feet above you, a first-floor window you hadn’t noticed before now has its curtains slightly parted. behind the glass, a familiar face smirks at you.

toji.

you freeze up as he leans casually against the window frame, his brows wagging. he raises a finger to his lips, motioning for you to keep his presence quiet. his amusement obvious.

mortified, you whip your gaze back to suguru, pretending nothing happened. the curtains slide shut in your peripheral, and you suppress a shudder, vowing to bury the memory of toji’s shameless voyeurism.

“you good?” suguru asks, brushing your hair back into place.

“yeah.” you mumble. “let’s get back.” 

hand in hand, you return to the street, your absence evidently unnoticed. tucked between two parked cars, gojo sits on the curb, cooing at a tiny white puppy wriggling in his arms.

“satoru,” you gape. “you actually went through with it?”

he grins up at you, holding the puppy aloft like a trophy. “isn’t he adorable? named him gojo junior.”

suguru pinches the bridge of his nose, exhaling a long, tired sigh. “just—let’s go back upstairs.”

the three of you collapse onto the couch, exhaustion settling in. you curl up against suguru’s chest, your limbs boneless, as gojo turns on the tv. the puppy nestles in his lap, so he carefully reaches for the dab pen on the coffee table, grinning lazily.

“one more hit to top off the night?” ⋆⁺₊⋆ ☾⋆⁺₊⋆

ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁 after ten hours of deep, uninterrupted slumber, you stir awake to the gentle warmth of sunlight streaming through the curtains, coaxing you back to reality. the unfamiliar comfort beneath you takes a moment to register—you’re not on the couch anymore. suguru’s bed cradles you, his arm draped securely around your waist. his breath is steady against the back of your neck, and as you try to shift, his hold tightens.

“mm, too tired. stay,” he mumbles groggily.

a smile tugs at your lips, and for a brief moment, you consider giving in. his warmth, the soothing rhythm of his breathing, and his gentle scent are enough to make you melt back into the mattress. but you’d rather not over-oversleep.

suguru’s hand snakes into your hair, his fingers threading through the strands with a languid tenderness. “what if we just… stay here all day?” he whispers, his lips grazing the nape of your neck.

the temptation is overwhelming. his gentle strokes and soft breaths pull you toward complacency, but you’ve already slept more than enough. with a groan, you prop yourself up against his pillow, feeling the resistance of his arm as he tries to pull you back.

“come on, suguru,” you say, brushing a hand through his tousled hair. “time to wake up.”

he grumbles something incoherent and eventually lifts his head, his cheek faintly indented by the pillow. his squinted eyes and weak smile somehow make him even more striking. the sunlight spilling into the room catches the soft angles of his face, illuminating him perfectly.

“too early,” he groans, shielding his eyes with his hand before reaching out to pull you into a lazy kiss. his lips are warm, slow, and deliberate, but you break away, placing your hands on his shoulders to gently shake him.

“you’re impossible,” you tease, laughing softly.

you reach for his phone on the nightstand, thrusting it in his direction. “here, play some music or scroll through your timeline—do something to get your brain working.”

suguru takes it with a half-hearted hum, pulling you back into his chest as he unlocks it. he scrolls aimlessly through his playlist, swiping through songs too quickly to process. then, a slow, melodic guitar riff fills the room, and his hand finally falters. the soft acoustic melody of sunflower drifts through the air, a perfect match for the warm, serene moment.

his free hand finds yours, intertwining your fingers as he sways you gently. the vibrations of his hum resonate in his chest, and you can’t help but lean into the sound. you savor this side of him—the quiet, vulnerable suguru who lets himself soften in the morning light.

but then, a thought surfaces. the dog. the vivid memory of gojo proudly holding a squirming puppy the night before is unshakable.

“suguru,” you whisper. “what about the dog?”

his body tenses and his eyes snap open. “the wh—” he bolts upright, groaning. “shit, the dog. he really did that? I was hoping I made that part up.”

the two of you stumble into the living room, both disheveled from sleep. gojo is sprawled on the couch, one leg hanging off the side, snoring softly. the puppy darts around the room, tiny paws clicking against the floor.

suguru scoops up the wriggling pup and plops him onto gojo’s chest, startling him awake.

groaning, gojo blinks blearily at the excited puppy licking his face. you watch in real-time as all of yesterday’s events finally catch up to him. he looks up slowly, blue eyes wide, panicked.

“guys,” he says, voice cracking. “how do I return a dog?”

{taglist: @inthedarkshadows000 @saltyhansen | insp: @tojisth3rdwife‘s ask linked [here] ty! ᡣ𐭩}

[the-s1lly-corner]

Sleepover w/ the digital circus cast

been a while since ive written this style of post for tadc, but im on my computer again so hopefully writing so much wont be too grating! reminder that i do not currently take requests for the entire cast in one post-

notes: reader is gn, not really romantic, written with the idea that everyone is having a sleepover in the main area of the circus

cws: bugs

caine

does not sleep but he wants to feel included, hes the one providing the games and activities for the night, as well as bedding for everyone to use

pretends to sleep, probably totally incapable of sleeping unlike the circus members... fake snores to try to sell it and make it convincing but all it does is it keeps everyone else awake

the games mentioned are usually an exaggerated and insane version of them- truth or dare but if you lie or refuse a dare you were given you get locked in the cellar/j

oh he definitely would try to get some juicy conversation with you or another circus member- god forbid you show some small sign that youre crushing on someone, hes not going to leave you alone

even worse if he finds out you actually do and who it is

his version of spin the bottle might get a little insane, knowing him.. definitely rigs it lands on whoever you like

pomni

not very interested, but if this takes place post episode 2 shes more inclined to join everyone for the night to get to know everyone better

if you two have grown close she sticks with you during the insane games caine has set out

completely opts out of any games that look way too intense but she probably gets roped into it by some of the others- or simply being swept into the chaos

sleeps off to the corner a bit away from everyone else so she can at least try to get a good nights sleep

if SOMEONE (jax, or even caine) gets too overwhelming or annoying she just gets up and goes to her room... you might be able to coax her back out

ragatha

as mentioned in jax's section, she offers to let you lay next to her if jax is bothering you

if you ask her, she does your hair before you go to bed. brushing through it and if its long enough she ties/braids it up for you

if you have a sleep set- unlikely given that they cant take their clothes off but we can pretend caine snapped his fingers and changed everyones clothing or something- she compliments how it looks.. if its cute or if it looks comfortable

if youre still awake and open to it she talks to you quietly when she cant sleep, its actually a nice change of pace against the chaos of when everyone else was awake

you dont talk about much, you just check in on each other and ramble about nothing in specific... keep it down or caine will come on over and try to insert himself

jax

hes the reason the cw is here, hes going to put bugs in your blankets if you guys arent sharing his room. if the two of you are in your room, or if you guys are in the common area hes going to do it.. or put something else thats unpleasant there..

thinks its funny, knowing him he might actually laugh a little off to the side as you thrash your sleeping bag around

snack hoarder, especially if theres candy- good luck trying to get more than a handful from him, hes not much of a sharer

tries to play everything off when someone offers to let you come lay down next to them for the night- likely ragatha

tells the most grotequse and horrifying stories before everyone else goes to sleep

"first person game mcs dont blink" is said as everyone is trying to unwind or something along those lines

kinger

has the softest and comfiest pillows and blankets, from his fort of course! likely sleeps in it rather than out and exposed on the floor with everyone else

makes it a little larger so you can crawl inside with him- its a lot calmer in here than anything thats happening out there

small talk, you both talk about your interests though due to kingers nature the conversation bounces around a lot

he doesnt participate in the games for the most part, especially if its after a high energy adventure... hes a little drained after the day- physically and mentally

sleeps with at least an arms length of space between the two of you unless you tell him youre comfortable with him being closer

dad snores

zooble

not very interested, probably stays in their room for most of the night if not the entire night

if theyre around when jax is telling scary stories they just roll their eyes... theyve heard worse

zooble being a horror/disturbing media fan headcanon my beloved, they probably try to one up him... though theyre not taking it very seriously. theyre not all that interested in winning, but jax is and hes going to get annoying

if they go out and interact with everyone else, theyll go to their room when theyre ready to sleep. they dont want to sleep on the floor in some sleeping bag.. offers to walk you to your room if the horror talk got to you

gangle

sits in her own corner doing her own thing, you can convince her to join in on the more tame games if you promise to stick with her

sticks around with you after that but like... lingering to the side, not really glued to your side because she doesnt want to invade your personal space or make you feel uncomfortable

very quiet if you offer to let her lay down next to her in the night

its a little less awkward if her comedy mask isnt broken but knowing how fragile it is, its unlikely

refuses to participate in any games like 2 truths 1 lie or truth or dare- she just knows jax is going to hang whatever she says over her head even if hes not the one asking her questions

[redr0sewrites]

Sub!Eris Vanserra Thoughts/Hcs

this maaannnnnn ive been brainrotting sub eris foreverrr im kinda tired and my writing is kinda mid recently but i had to write this

🥀Cw: smut, sub!eris, marking, begging, praise, degrading, oral (m receiving), overall filth, reader is gn and can be read as a strap or actual dick

Eris is such a brat, hes cocky and confident and most people would never suspect that hed ever submit

he doesn't relinquish control often, and you didn't think that was something he would ever be into until one night. you were riding him, and the both of you were sweaty and overstimulated with pleasure. His hips rutted up desperately, his arousal making his head hazy.

"ple- nghh, please mistress- it feels so good-" his pupils were blown out, hair tussled and chest heaving. He froze immediately, realizing what he had just said. You paused too, his words making you even more aroused then before

"you like that, little fox? like it when i make you beg?" eris doesnt meet your eyes, but you already know his answer

"if you want me to move again, you're going to have to ask nicely" his hips jerk up slightly, yet you force him back down, rolling your hips as a strained whine leaves his hips. Lets just say that it was quite an interesting night~

After that, Eris began to become more comfortable with being submissive

it definitely took some time for him to get used too, but he trusts you

love love LOVES when you tie him up, he wants to be completely at your mercy

pleASEEE praise him, this mf has the biggest praise kink. He needs to know how good he is, what a good job hes doing, how hes making you feel...

When you praise him, his eyes get glossy and his brain goes blissfully blank, he just need you so bad! he wants to be good for you, he really does

however, despite his love of praise, he can be a major brat....

eris will mercilessly tease you all in the hopes that you will rail him stupid, degrading him and biting deep hickeys into his firm shoulders as his knuckles turn white from gripping the sheets, eyes rolling in pleasure because its all so much, too much~

DEGRADE HIM‼️‼️‼️ SAY THE MEANEST SHIT TO HIM, PULL HIS HAIR AND BEND HIM IN HALF

has a reverse size kink, he LOOOVESSS if ur smaller than him yet still pin him down and restrain him. he adores it when you take control

sometimes, you tease him as well

say for example, hes very stressed doing his high lord duties- what better way to relieve his stress then sucking him off? crawling under his desk while hes working, he cant even focus from the overwhelming pleasure from your mouth around his cock. eris is biting his lip so hard it draws blood trying not to make a sound, yet soft whimpers keep slipping through. it only makes you more aroused, and one hand grips your hair roughly while the other clings to the desk, shaking with need as his eyes roll back

when hes angry, he adores it when your rough. fold him in half, his knees pressing up against his chest as you rail him senseless, your cock is so deep inside him, nudging his prostate so well and making his thoughts so fuzzy<3

overall, eris just loves it when you take control<333

i swear im trying to write more school is kicking my ass guyssss JAJSJSJ. IM ACTUALLY SO EXCITED I FINISHED THIS THO- FEEL FREE TO SEND IN MORE ACOTAR REQS IVE BEEN HAVING A TOTAL ACOTAR BRAINROT!!! I HAVE MORE ERIS STUFF COMING ALONG WITH SOME AZRIEL STUFF ROTTING IN MY DRAFTS LMAO

[85-rend]

yknow what I'm gonna say this now. heyyy pressure fandom I know yall might not be familiar with ask/rp blog courtesy on here, im someone whos run ask/rp blogs before and ive been here for years as well, please please PLEASE do not main fandom tag every single ask response!!!

it completely overwhelms the tag and makes it impossible for people to find anything else!! its rlly rude! you can totally main tag your ask responses occasionally especially if it has some art or writing youre proud of or when you're looking for more interactions!! but please do not main tag every single one.

I feel so bad i've had to block so many bc i literally could not see any other posts......

[bil-daddy]

Mr bildad the shuhite, I need some advice. What do I do when that familiar overwhelming sadness washes over me? Ive been feeling horribly depressed lately, even though I have no real reason to be. I do talk to my friends abt this, but I dont want to talk abt my mental state ONLY and drive them away, so I refrain from talking abt it too much even tho it feels like it will drown me, because I am too afraid of seeming clingy.

Its been getting worse lately, and all I can do is distract myself from it. Ive been excessively sleeping just to not.. feel. I dont know what to do, nor do I know how to not feel this way

I made myself a nice breakfast, and it felt good. And then the feeling came back, like a drip drip drip from the leaking faucet of my mental health I cant control. I am scared. I am so scared

Sorry if this ask wasnt what u were expecting, or if u cant help me either, thats completely fine. I just needed to share somehow how scared I am. Of myself, what I feel I dont know

I dont know. I just dont know

Best wishes,

Anon❤️

*shows up one month late carrying six shots of espresso in a big cup to answer this ask*

It's taken me a while to respond to this because 1) I've been going through a bit of the same thing myself and 2) I haven't figured out a solution yet.

I do have some ideas, though.

You were on the right track, making yourself a nice breakfast. Little things like that make a bigger difference than you think. In fact, I think we should all try to live in the little moments as much as we can. Sometimes, when you're feeling depressed but can't point at a reason in your own life, it's because you're reacting to large scale problems that, while very real, are out of your control--and you know this, and so you feel depressed and scared because there's nothing you can do.

But there is something you can do.

Do at least one thing nice for yourself everyday as part, even if it's something really small. Especially something really small. Listen to your favourite song. Eat a piece of chocolate, just because. Play with a pet, if you have one.

And, if you're up to it, do at least one nice thing for someone else, too. Help your parents with the chores. Call a grandparent and brighten their day. Send a kind message to a friend.

Because you should keep on talking to your friends. The right friends will be honoured you've opened up to them. Listen to your friends, too. They might be going through things to, and being a comfort to them might in turn make you feel better, as well. Being part of a community, even if it's just a small group of friends--or even a group of two--can really help. Having you a sense of purpose, belonging, and importance is part of what makes people people.

Sleeping a lot isn't necessarily bad. Ive done that myself (for totally normal amounts of time, definitly not entire century or anything) Sometimes, your body and your mind just needs the rest. But if you feel like you're sleeping too much, then you probably need something exciting to be awake for.

It might be time to try out a new hobby, start a new TV show or book, take a class, or set a new goal that you can work towards a little bit every day. The mind craves new experiences and challenges. If everything's been the same for a while, depression can set in simply due to boredom.

However, there could just as easily be other causes, which are worth looking into with a therapist and a psychiatrist, if you want to try the medical route--and it is worth a try with persistent depression.

It sounds to me like you also have some anxiety about having depression, since it scares you (and rightfully so, it is scary) that you can feel it coming on and that you can't control it. For that, in addition to what I've already mentioned above, I'd suggest thinking about it differently. Instead of leaking faucet you're desperately trying to shut off, let yourself feel whatever emotions you're feeling*

(*safely and within reason--don't harm yourself or others)

Cry, scream, punch a pillow. Let it out.

Sometimes, the sadness we fear feeling ends up not being as bad as the fear of it. You might feel relieved, once you're no longer bottling everything up and sleeping/distracting yourself to avoid feeling sad. As cliche as a it is, the only way out is through.

Have an ox rib (platonic) for the journey. You can do it.

[catsrightnow]

idk idk. A loy of people will hear. a character trapped/tortured/etc for an unrrasonably long time (~100 years in yhis case) and bcs its like. not actually possible they kinda just brush it off, right. But I Cant do that w/ Yoki bcs Im In Too Deep. So ive thought about ut again and again and again and again and again

Like. Yoki was begond his normal lifespan when he git crushed in the debris. He was ~20 when he got the bug, and about 80 years after that he got trapped (I use even number like 20 years old, 80 years later, 100 years under the debris, 500 years in the future, etc. to make things easier and so I dony have to remember exact numbers, but its usually not Exactly that number).

So i mean its not like he was this kid who got trapped, he was a 100 y/o soldier in the midst of battle. But I still think. like. Yoki didnt get the bug because he didnt want to die or smth, and if he had been able to move at all under the debris he probably would have crushed his bug and killed himself. It's just yhe test of the time hes very apathetic about his life- he doesnt stay alive because he enjoys living, it's just that he idnt miserable enough at the moment to go iut of his eay and inflict pain on himself to die.

That was a tangent though. Back on track, Im thinking about Yoki's solitude. Even in solitaty confinement (though still atrocious and inhumane), you're able to walk around, get meals, and speak. Though very limited, thse can at least slightly mitugate the effects. Though, Yoki had none of this. He was impaled through the head, preventing any speech, and pinned down by the weight of the debris which prohibited movement. Honestly regardless of that, i think over a 100-year period the effects wpuld be similar regardless.

Even though his musles and vocal chords couldnt atrophy due to the cellres bug, his mental capacities and knowledge certainly could. If you forget half of your highschool class knowledge just a couple months after you graduate because you don't use it, then over the hundred years Yoki lost knowledge of most things. Even basic survival needs were forgotten.

The human brain has a limited amount of knowledge and insight. If our brains are made to function and consume knowledge for some 80 years, then we only have 80 years worth of things to think about, and even less when you're rapidly forgetting it all. Having only his thoughts could only go so far. Eventually he ran out of things to ponder, questions to answer, memories to look at.

A lot of Yoki's entrapment had him only semi-lucid, it being the only way for his mind to protect itself. His only source of stimulation besides the consistent apin of being crushed and impaled was rapid mood swings between every extreme, and then total apathy. This was repeated on a loop for the majority of the isolation, until even that got dull

And even after he was freed, it wasn't fixed. Having lived without light for so long, he couldn't handle the sun- especially off of the blinding snow- for years. He had to retrain his eyes and esrs and skin to be able to hear and see and touch without completely overwhelming them. Starting from inside the debris and continuing sfter he got out, he would experience constant delsions, hallucinations, and irregular, jumbled thoughts. It likely took almost a lifrtime to recover into how he is now.

[elephant-in-the-pride-parade]

Fic Author Questions

@curator-on-ao3 thank you for tagging me in this new set of fic author questions! I had a lot of fun answering. ❤️

1. Why do you write fanfic?

I guess I stuck with it and stayed inspired largely because ive found really wonderful communities in fanfiction, whether its coming together to share in one beautiful AU story or different iterations of canon or just experiencing the joy of writing together. and having those communities has sustained me through some very isolated years and have been overall a positive experience in my life. ive made really wonderful friends through fanfic.

But I can't deny that I got into fanfic because my brain just fixated on one story and i had the overwhelming urge to put it on paper and so a smaller motivation is that there continue to be stories like that that motivate me to keep writing fic.

2. Which of your posted stories do you think about the most, even though the story is “finished”?

I guess just by virtue of planning the sequel at the moment, I think about and reread Unbroken alot

I have also had the Universe to Mend in my mind since last year and keep coming back to the two versions of Janeway i explored in that and where I left the two of them. and thinking about the other characters too: Mortal Q and Captain Chakotay and Stadi/Tuvok and where they might wind up next.  I have a few ideas for what might come next so I suspect there's at least one sequel on the horizon somewhere.

3. If you could give yourself fic advice from when you first started writing fic, what would that advice be?

Deadlines help you set goals and motivate yourself, but you don't owe them to your readers.

4. What’s your relationship to fic stats?

So, and this has been a very good thing for my self esteem and general mental health, working with data all day has made me really ambivalent about my story stats. They're interesting and useful when I have a specific question I want to answer with them but the rest of the time I no longer pay much attention to them.

The stats that I do focus on are all things I measure - timeframe to chapter/story completion, average words per chapter, total word count. Those help me set realistic expectations for myself and help me work on my goals of having healthy writing habits and writing more concise stories.

5. Is there a pairing or scenario or friendship you miss writing? If so, why? If not, why not?

I miss writing Threshold AU!!!!

I want to again and will again, but having had like... negative amounts of writing time this summer and being fixated on a new long story, lots of others have taken a backseat. i really miss the cameraderie of writing threshold au stories and the freedom and joy I get from working with that really original fresh premise - it frees me to experiment and be a bit more imaginative. im sad i havent had time for it in a while.

6. What motivates you to write?

A story takes up residence in my head and its beautiful and tempting and I cannot rest until I have delved in and explored it. Thoroughly.

7. Why do you write for the fandom(s) that you write for?

communities and friendships do a lot to help keep me inspired, both while continuing old longstanding stories and developing new ideas. and ive found this with Sailor Moon and Star Trek. I doubt i would be as prolific in either fandom without those communities.

8. If you’re stuck writing a WIP, what do you do?

I shove it in the back somewhere and work on other things until ive figured out what I dont like about it thats got me stuck. sometimes it works out that I just need a better idea of where the story is going. and then the story gets finished. and sometimes i find myself realizing the premise is a good one but the execution isnt.  and then if ive already started posting it, i put it in my "Under Review" collection (an unrevealed AO3 collection only I can see) and figure out if i can rework the story from the ground up or if it isnt going to get finished. I've got 3 in there right now.

9. What do you wish people knew about comments?

That it is actually a huge boost in inspiration to get a nice one. and that it's okay to leave short ones.

10. Maybe there’s a question you wish had been on here. What’s that question (and answer)?

My write in question: Do you create or want to try other types of fanworks?

Just for me i make playlists for characters to help inspire me for fics. sometimes i dabble in fanart. drawing is always really relaxing.

im also facinated by bookbinding. it looks like a really fun physical craft to build even if it looks complicated. i'd love to learn more about how it works.

A lot of my people i usually tag are tagged already so If you want to respond with your own please do!

[trouticide]

as someone who really vibes with the way that lixxen described Charlie's gender, I will put in my 2 cents: some people are so disinterested in the idea of gender or binaries that even labels like nonbinary or genderfluid or trans are kind of dysphoria inducing. I don't identify with any gender nor with any trans identity because it just doesn't make sense to my brain. I think Charlie would be similar because there is seemingly no conscious decision for when or why he identifies a certain way and he really doesn't seem to care. Also, I think everyone has their own headcanon about how Charlie/Joyce identifies and how they experience gender, and that's largely based on an individual experience with gender. So if you don't really get it or relate to OP's interpretation, maybe it's just because that is their own personal way of seeing things. It doesn't mean you can't headcanon charlie as fluid or trans, just that we all see things differently. hope my rambling makes sense, and it is sent with positivity and respect!! and I am not trying to speak over the OP who has their own insight, or anyone else, we are all unique!

(sorry for anon, i would reblog but i'm not out and some people know about my blog)

ok just to be totally clear, i experience gender the same way and agree with OPs interpretation. however i am also going through a major identity crisis and have been trying to figure out if i specifically am trans or if this is just an autistic gender expression thing. so when i reblogged and said what i said it wasn't meant to be taken as a disagreement. i was looking for clarification because i super identified with it and i'm confused about myself lol i have a lot of trauma similar to charlie's and i operate pretty similarly in my life because of it, so it's been therapeutic for me to use his character arch to help me work through some other things. for a huge part of my life i didn't identify with any gender identity at all because i experienced what you mentioned about all labels feeling dysphoric. i still feel that way but i think that may be able to be resolved if i actually take the time to think about it critically and *try* to find a label. i don't really understand labels, similarly to you it just doesn't make sense to me. but i'm at a point in my life where i think i have to work through the pain and discomfort of it and learn to understand it because the anxiety i feel from not having a label is too overwhelming to ignore. up until this point ive just dressed freely and acted freely so i didn't really have to look at labels at all. same thing with sexuality, i just dated who i wanted to. but that got me into a lot of trouble, i ended up with a man for three and a half years when im absolutely an acespec lesbian. i didn't know that at the time though because the thought of labeling my sexuality very deeply stressed me out. but now that ive figured it out and worked through it that stress is gone and i can start actually living my life. i think i could go through the same thing with this, even if i do end up just settling on no labels or that this is just how i experience gender as an autistic person, completely unrelated to being trans. i really don't know yet, but i know no harm will come from me thinking about it and asking questions. all input is good input, so i appreciate this ask!! so yeah tldr agree with everything you and @lixxen said i'm just using joyce as a vent kin to figure out whether im trans or just autistic and gnc

[syrupspinner]

i completed Sable

im gonna compare this to so many other games dude you have no idea

when i first finished the tutorial and drove out into the sand dunes proper, i thought about hyrule field. like pretty much every other gamer born after 1999, i dont see it the same way is was seen when it was released. it was a flex - nintendo bragging about how the n64 can make a wide open field. of course theres nothing to do in it, thatd give them a chance to hide a loading zone or mask pop-in; they werent just a magician showing that there was nothing up their sleeve, they took off their shirt. this is what amazed gamers when they first left kakariko village: the sheer scope.

now its just a big, empty field. with technological advancements, thats seen as a failure in modern world design - what, you mean you couldnt be bothered to put anything here?

sable somehow managed to capture what i can only imagine was the sense of wonder players felt seeing hyrule field, but for a totally different reason. it wasnt a flex of pure technology, it was an exercise in ludonarrative! the way it gets you comfortable with exploring every nook of the ibexii village before showing you a world thats figuratively one hundred times bigger is such a fun way to pull the rug out from the player.

it could have easily been overwhelming in a negative way too, causing an "aw man, ive gotta explore all this?" reaction, but the narrative of sable being able to (instead of having to) explore sets the player up to share this outlook with her. "i get to" turning into "i have to" is the kiss of death for enjoying a game, and i think sable avoids this very well. when i got to the badlands, i didnt think "aw man, i have to climb all these rocks to get to the cartographer" i thought "oh cool, how do i climb these rocks to get to the cartographer?" because i was having fun solving an environmental puzzle.

another comparison i wanna make is to, believe it or not, Fallout. its an open secret that the fallout games are a bit lackluster when it comes to open worlds (I HAVE NOT PLAYED NEW VEGAS), but the originals had a great implementation of subtle directioning and signposting. the most famous example is right at the beginning: between your starting location and your compass's first mark, theres a town, and you need to buy a rope from that town to proceed, and thats how you get wrapped up in a major sidequest and open up a link to the rest of the world. Sable pulls the same trick for me: i was following the compass to the next major village, and i stumbled upon a weird location i couldnt really parse. i could climb a tree and pick up weird smokey seed things, but i couldnt do anything else. when i get to the town, im asked to collect beetle hides for a side quest - and that 'useless' location was called the beetle nest.

while im comparing this to bethesda games, id be remiss if i didnt mention skyrimming. its a phrase i use to describe ramming yourself up a nearly sheer cliffside to see if the physics engine lets you scale it. i did it all the time as a misguided tween playing skyrim for the first time, because i couldnt be bothered finding paths up the mountains. Sable lets you do something similar, but with more intention. the games open world design means it totally accepts you taking unintended routes. i didnt take the easiest route to the badlands village, but i still got there. allowing me to succeed in an unintended way is the mark of a wonderful open world game.

i got to eccria, and full disclosure, i had to crank my graphics settings all the way down. there were too many buildings and npcs for the game to handle. i kept getting lost in the big-ass city, too. when the investigation (side?)quest began i gave up on gathering clues because i straight up couldnt find my way to one of the suspects. i could still finish the quest is the thing, it just ended without any real satisfaction. i think thats great! part of good open-ended design is letting players end without perfectly curated satisfaction.

then i went to the shipyard. was i supposed to be there? thats a silly question to ask about an open world game. anyway, the answer is no, because i spent half an hour trying to climb a mountain for a quest i couldnt finish because i didnt have the right mask. man, this game rules.

man, i havent even talked about the art direction yet. what is there to say? im a sucker for cell shading, and this game leans into it so well! the way the colour palette changes when you go between areas is so cool, like... i cant even put it into words, its just so fun to look at. ive always considered deserts a hard place to make visually interesting, but Sable does such a great job with that

it was at this point that i started aimlessly floating around finishing up sidequests and oddjobs until the endgame. i only started noticing how glitchy the game is at this point. im not holding it against the game at all, because frankly its a miracle that any video game boots to a title screen if you know how programming works (not to say that i do) but its hard not to complain about all the times that things just... didnt load in. sometimes id crash my bike into invisible buildings, sometimes i would just despawn of my bike and have to dismount it to be visible, and one time a chum was invisible. this isnt a skill issue i watched the particles come out of nowhere

in the end, this is a wonderful game. if i had to pick one thing it does best, its the atmosphere. it puts all of its effort into making you feel like a small fish in a big desert, and i really related to my character in the world. also, i dont wanna spoil what masks you get in this game, so ill just say i picked the completionist one with the four-letter name. no its not the fuck mask, dont ask me if theres a fuck mask because im not telling you

[blookmallow]

been watching blues clues for The Nostalgia but also because i work in special education and i feel like it's a really good inspiration for like... good, positive, constructive interactions with kids. i feel like im learning from it in a completely different way now

here are some of my thoughts on why blues clues is good and why i think its better/more effective than a lot of other kids shows

steve's absolute genuine love comes through so strong. he's silly, but he's never over-acting in that weird hyper exaggerated style you see so often in kids shows. he's not a "MY SISTER DID WWWHHHAAAAAAT???!?!?!? (REAL) (NOT CLICKBAIT) (GONE WRONG)" youtube guy. he's just a sweet funny guy who likes kids. there's a reason all of us who grew up with him felt like he was family to us

on that note too, everything in blues clues is so.... calm. it's quiet, but not eerily quiet. it's colorful, but not obnoxiously eye-searing bright. everything is soft. everything is gentle. i feel totally relaxed and safe just from watching the opening. kids media is so often just an overwhelming sensory overload of explosive color and sound and grating voices but blues clues is so chill. and yet, somehow, also not boring. kids media doesn't have to be extreme chaos to appeal to children and it makes a lot of sense to me that a lot of the autistic kids i work with love blues clues

the "talking to the audience" is handled so well, and as a certified hater of "do YOU see the RED BARN?????? ..................................................................THERE it is!!!!!" styles of talking to children (no offense to anyone who enjoys dora but yes I am talking about dora) i feel like somehow steve pulls it off very well. i think it's partly the fact that he does not over-exaggerate and he does not talk down to the kids watching. when he asks "can you help me?" he's asking like he really cares about your input, wants to hear your ideas, and values your opinion, not like he's praising a dog

the addition of the "audience" kid voices responding to him helps so much with those weird awkward pauses too while "you" respond, but again not a loud busy sitcom audience - it gives the feeling of sitting in a playroom with a couple other kids. it's less "going to see an interactive play" and more "steve's having some friends over." it's cozy. it's friendly. i like it

ive also been noticing that frequently when steve asks the audience for help, it's not "do YOU see the RED BARN" with a giant red barn directly in front of his face, it's things like this

the clue is visible to us, but steve can't see it from where he is, so it makes sense that he needs our help to find it

when he's trying to figure out the answer to a question, he gives the kids a chance to solve it/to Help Him by like, giving silly solutions - so it's more "steve is being silly" and less "steve is an idiot who doesn't know anything." it's a game, he's playing with us, he's making us laugh and encouraging us to show him what we know, rather than being frustratingly incompetent and waiting silently motionless for us to tell him the obvious answer

i watched a joe episode to see how his era felt- all i remember was i didn't like him as much specifically just because he wasn't steve. even as a child i respected what i believed was steve's decision to go to college, but it just felt too different. looking at it now as an adult understanding the real steve's reasons and giving it an open mind, i think joe also does all these things very well. he's a little... i guess he feels "brighter" (personality-wise) while steve feels more "calm/relaxed" but joe also seems genuine, and isn't doing the over-exaggerated character to the point of Obnoxious either. i think the only reason i was so hard on him was because he wasn't steve. nobody can be steve. joe does a good job being joe

also noticed he's left handed which always makes me a little bit happy inside. lefty solidarity. and i caught a couple times he used sign language signs in his songs (i noticed it because "thank you" is one some of our students use so I recognized it, i don't know very many signs so I don't know how often this was present and I didn't notice) which is cool

but then there was this one segment about colors i remembered from when i was a kid where, i thought, steve was telling us about colors, and it was where i learned about the color "chartreuse" which i then remembered for the rest of my life. i loved it because i at this age already knew my colors, i knew red and blue make purple, but this showed me next level color combinations. we all know yellow and blue make green, but yellow and green makes chartreuse? I had no idea it had a name other than "yellow-green."

but it turns out it wasn't steve

it was joe. joe taught me chartreuse and i remembered it forever. ive won trivia questions because of this before. thank you joe. respect

then i watched one of the new blues clues & you episodes (with current host josh) and it looks like there's a lot more signing mixed in - not stopping to Teach the signs, but just using them for key words occasionally, which is a really cool way to kind of incidentally teach kids some signs

blues clues & you... is very disorienting for me because it's So different to look at, there's a lot more characters on the screen at one time so there's just. a lot of movement happening, but it doesn't feel Chaotic either, it just feels like that original super chill cozy vibe is kind of lost now. i don't like the 3D animated puppies. they don't look Terrible, i just don't like it, personally.

none of the other characters are 3D, it's only blue and magenta, which makes them feel... out of place, somehow? they're animated in a completely different style than anything else in the room and it feels like they're not supposed to be there. maybe the intention was to have blue and josh stand out from the background but it feels really weird

i don't like how the songs are done. josh's energy doesn't feel quite right to me and i can't figure out why? i think it's like one level higher than the others or something, it's not quite the Over-Exaggerated Chaos level but it's a little less relaxed

i like how they talk about like... states of feeling, though, shovel comes out of the pool and says they feel cold and wet, so josh gives them a towel to feel better. tickety tock feels too hot, so josh gives her a hat to feel better. this is a concept we work on a lot at my school, learning to recognize how you feel and what you can do to help regulate it

plus that gives us this blessed image of tickety tock in a little sun hat. my life has been improved by this

ultimately i think maybe it's just that it's too different for me, i can't place anything specifically "wrong" other than "it's different and I don't like it." anyway anyone want to talk about blues clues

[fairycosmos]

confession....I haven't done my dishes in like 3 months except for like 2 forks and plates that I use, for real it's the worst thing to do in the world plus my depression (and autism) makes it a thousand times harder lol luckily no one but me sees my kitchen

hii it can be really really difficult to stay on top of daily tasks when literally all of your energy is going into getting through the day itself! i totally understand and i think a lot of people who have been there do. proud of you for managing to get the dishes you use cleaned and proud of you for still being here. i hope you can practice some self-compassion (no matter how difficult or fake it feels) in regards to this as you go forward. it's easy to internalise shame over it - people talk a lot about depression but the realities of it are still often looked down on. but ultimately, what ive noticed in my struggles with similar issues is that the more i put pressure on myself, the more my brain relates completing the tasks to the negative feeling of being under pressure, and the more overwhelmed i get, and the further into the cycle i sink. so just doing what you can and every so often doing one dish or spoon or fork more is actually probably much more productive for your mental well-being in the long run, because you're not judging or hating yourself over it and feeding that internal sickness - you're working with the energy you have in the moment and that's fine. sending a massive hug your way x 🫂

[dropish]

hi! i absolutely love the bloom legacy and have played it a few times, and i was wondering if you planned to update it or expand upon it in the future? or even if you have another challenge cooking up? :D

hey anon :) !! im so glad to hear you like it, this ask 100% made my day

to be totally honest i haven't touched my game since before the infant update because i've been completely overwhelmed with Real Life Obligations but i was planning come back to it once everything settles down! ive been working a little bit on a part 2 to the challenge but ill also update the main one to include some of the new gameplay features at some point. and i have some other ideas as well so stay tuned hehe :)

[skitskatdacat63]

okay, i don't know why, but i have ALWAYS been like you described. i have so many movies, TV shows, books, podcasts, songs, etc that i want to experience but do i? nope, just put on another F1 race, please. i don't know if it's fear of the unknown (hello, flood of unexpected emotions!) or not wanting to challenge myself or also wanting to watch F1 and F1 just wins out, but here we are. i suspect it's part of my OCD? or some other ND thing that hasn't been diagnosed in me yet??

in fact prolly the only reason i watch F1 is bc i watch it with my sister. it is a lot easier to do new stuff with someone else...which deludes me into believing that if i just got a partner, we could open the floodgates and watch everything i haven't seen together, but lord knows it don't work that way 😑 in any case, i don't know what's wrong with us, but you're not alone!

I'm glad I'm not the only one!! 💕💕

(Reply ramble under the cut cause I wrote more than I expected)

I think I just struggle to start anything new or to finish anything. I totally agree with what you said about it being the fear of unexpected emotions/the unknown! Like for race seasons for example, I just spent a significant amount of time immersed in 2005 which is a specific set of information(you know: rules, strategy, drivers, etc.), so to start a new season would be a completely different set of info. As I said in my earlier tags, some part of me likes the anticipation more and also I always get way too hyper about things and that energy is overwhelming 😓 And I also feel like I have a fear about how much time I'm going to spend(which is stupid because I'll spend like way too much time aimlessly scrolling for the same amnt of time it'd take to watch a race.) Like the idea of specifically putting aside two hours to do only one thing is stressful to me, which is why I often used to like watching races when I literally couldn't do anything else(waiting for a class.) But now I'm stuck back in the cycle of not wanting to start something new, even if 2009 isnt exactly new because I've watched a lot of racing at this point, but still new enough to me that it's hard to convince my brain to start it. Like once I get into the groove of things, I can float through and enjoy myself, it's just that beginning barrier that's hard to get through.

I also definitely agree with having to watch it with someone else. I either have to binge watch things super quickly or watch them with other people, if not, I'll just end up never starting it or abandoning it. I think it's because it's really nice to be able to discuss your thoughts and feelings abt it with another person and not just be stuck with a million thoughts bouncing around your head(which is why I tend to make posts and then rant in the tags LOL)

I think thats why ive been able to get into F1 to such an extent and why it's been so fun for me. It's a live experience(with a strict time constraint, i.e. you can only watch it right here, right now) where there's a bunch of people watching and interacting. I love tumblr during a race weekend so much, I don't think I'd be obsessed with it as much if not for the ability to see everyone's reactions and interact back with them. I think that's why I struggle to start old seasons, because it's literally just me obsessing alone in my room and I can't talk about it to the extent that I can with the current season. Watching F1 as it goes along in a current season is just a perfect experience I guess, because the schedule pushes me along and I don't really have to rely on myself to keep going.

But yeah who knows!! Brain just being brain as always I guess, but it is annoying that it prevents us from doing things we want to do! But I will say, still, its so stupid that I procrastinate over watching 10 minute long YouTube vids LMAO, like pls I get the hesitation with a 2 hour race, 2 hour movie or 100k fic but, 10 minutes, seriously brain???

[duck-era-lexi]

finished that fucking spencer reid fic and my life is not the same. i am not the same person i was 2 hours ago before reading that ROLLERCOASTER of a fic. i cannot believe persephonesgrace was the person to get me out of my 4 month reading slump. like ive been picking up books for 2 months and just putting them down halfway through because i cannot get through them.

wnwn is enthralling and intriguing and beautiful and it’s genuinely such a work of art. like there’s constant conflict but just the right amount of fluff. i’d say it has somewhat of a slow start but once you get to 25% it gets really good with the mystery factor. gave me massive manacled vibes but i like spencer reid as a character more than i like draco or hermione so i was so much more emotionally attached to this. 

it’s 218k words and the sequel’s 24k but it’s unfinished. which is fucking painful and i feel like i’ve felt that before. the sequel is so cute to read but it makes me sad because there is SO much potential. however i don’t have the same attachment to late show reid as a i do to early show reid so i don’t mind the series not continuing. it has a lot of conflict already set up but tbh, it’s a little too much conflict. like it’s bordering on stress with spencer and y/n’s internal struggle, as well as RAISING A CHILD, and how everyone wants to kill them and shit. like i totally understand why the author wouldn’t want to continue that because it’s stressing me out just thinking about all the plotlines trying to be intertwined. 

speaking of the author, let’s talk about the ending of the original 218k word fic. literally a fucking masterpiece. i am OBSESSED with thriller and romance, especially when it’s crafted as beautifully as this. as good as dead by holly jackson is probably my favorite book and it also does a combination of that. it’s also a very similar book to that, but this one is a lot more serious. i feel like with this, i realize sincerely that the best stories always leave you wanting more. this story has an ambigious ending that is generally sad, in like the way that it implies a lot of off-screen misery that we don’t see in detail. not to mention the fact that the person who wrote it didn’t have any social media linked. the story hasn’t been updated in a year and a half and i don’t think it will be coming back anytime soon. it’s not hard to see why, as the second project from what has been written looks to be even more complicated than the first. they reached too high for the clouds and got overwhelmed, probably. i wish we just had like a 50k word epilogue or something with mucho fluff, but honestly when you think about the storyline that would’ve been out of place. everytime a dragon head was slayed in the story 3 more dragon heads regrew in its place. we went from love confessions to mafia to corrupt society to soft parenthood to death in one fic. 

in conclusion, i have one more thing to note. i don’t think i will ever be able to re-experience how i felt reading that fic because i went in completely blind. the thriller and mystery aspect of it hit me like a truck. like i knew there was mystery but i didn’t know it would be so well orchestrated. the flashbacks were absolutely beautiful and paced so well; my jaw was on the floor the entire time. as i mentioned this fic completely flowed and changed in such a way that i didn’t predict even in the slightest. 

tldr: i love spencer reid. xoxo

[mummer]

lol was more depressed today than i have been in a really really long time like REALLY bad crying snot running down face for like 8 hours on and off. went outside to have a walk in the evening and even THEN i was crying on the WALK.... so so dire lol. its probably the weather and also that im newly jobless again so everything feels aimless and my days are completely empty but also the like totality of my aloneness or whatever has been overwhelming lately.... it's like im ashamed of being left behind and alone but ive reached a point where now i WANT to be left behind and alone because im too ashamed of anyone knowing the extent of it or talking to me about it. because it's so embarrassing and awful. Bad! Very overpowering recurring thoughts that There's no way out + Theres no way i can change + Theres no world where i am normal or happy + It's because there's something deeply wrong with me and everyone knows and can tell. because it's been so many years and nothing ive tried has ever worked. i feel totally locked out of like 80% of the human experience. Anyway whatever man i just dont have anywhere else to put this