#and its esp hard to present *finished* works since

[grave-bride]

I'll definitely make a mental note of it and brain storm some more ideas at least and see if I can come up with enough to convince myself to do it lol

cuz I do like these two a lot and wish I could do something but I know that's certainly not going to be in the form of fanart... though I've never really done any kind of fanwork hmm

Dracugoona but it's G1 💗 need more of these moments in G3 🤭

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

wibta if I started a different discord chat for my friend group just to exclude one person

I know it sounds bad and that I'm just starting shit but we've all been friends for 10+ years now so it's not something I'm considering lightly. We currently have a private discord server of just the 4 of us that we switched to as opposed to a traditional gc since we all have different phones and its good for having multiple conversations, quality photos and videos, and keeping a clear record of when and where plans are made

Anyway, this isn't a recent problem but the friend (A) has always had a tardiness problem it started with her not being able to wake up early in the morning but even if we have late night/afternoon plans she still can't get dressed and/or finish her makeup on time and causes us to be consistently at least 1 hour late which I was hoping she'd start growing out of after highschool but this isn't the case (we're now all 22+) and is especially frustrating when going out to eat bc by the time we leave all of us are hangry and expected to eat hours earlier. Recently A has started prioritizing other friends of hers which is nbd she can have other friends we all do except she'll drop plans last min with us to go with them which is also annoying bc it's disrespectful for the rest of us to be blown off like that. We're clearly not her priority anymore but she always expects to be ours, plans have to be on her work schedule, on her timeframe, on if she will be tired etc. plus being an afterthought leaves out a friend in the group (B) who had to move out of state with family and now he can't tell if we're making plans behind *his* back and he feels left in the dark when in truth he knows as much as I and the other local friend (C) do

It's to the point we've stopped doing any plans that start before like 2pm because we can't rely on her to be ready but she'll be upset if we don't wait for her while she's still getting ready, esp cuz we usually carpool, which already limits what we want to do together in the first place

However, it was my birthday recently and I'm currently ~2hr drive (no more than 3 with heavy traffic) from A and C, who doesn't have a car and needs to be picked up by A. I really wanted to go to my fav breakfast place and had some other plans for after and I kept emphasizing what time A needed to get here because the place closes early (they only serve breakfast). And at this point no one should be surprised she didn't arrive until after 1pm, after the place was closed, and at that point no one had eaten all day so we had to rush and find somewhere else that'd be open and nearby bc we were all starving and half my plans for the day were gone bc they were based on places we'd go after breakfast that also close in the afternoon (2-5 depending on the place) and since they are my closest friends and dont know my other friends who live closer and I've only known for less than 2 yrs (who I wasn't comfortable to ask for bday presents from yet still) (still got one from 1 even tho I insisted they didn't have to tho lol) they were the only people I made solid birthday plans with this year so it was really heartbreaking to deal with and have everything I was excited for be cancelled since it's hard for me to go out like this on my own w anxiety and busy work schedule too but I scheduled the day off. I was hoping that she would try even just a little bit because it was my birthday the one day I ask for literally anything and we rarely see each other now bc of conflicting work schedules and I DID plan for her to be semi late in secret but I didn't expect her to arrive for breakfast after 12

Anyway that's the whole backstory plus the recent straw on the camel's back but I just want to make a new chat between me, B, and C, to plan virtual movie and game nights bc she never reads the events chat anyway and all our online call plans grind to a halt for hours or days waiting for an answer bc at least C still wants to try and include A even tho her schedule is so busy or she's tired or will prob be late to the call and make us wait for her or cancel or leave early or we debate what game/movie A wants but she doesn't even NEED to be there it's just like.. Minecraft. Or a pirated 90s movie we're streaming or wtvr

I've tried saying like "hey I'm gonna be playing x on Saturday if anyone's free come and join me" but that usually just ends in me gaming alone bc it's so noncommittal the others will catch up on other work they have but really I'm just trying to hang with any of them even if 1 person can't make it at the time we don't always have to only call in a group yk?

A is nice otherwise like she's still my friend just planning anything with her is starting to be like pulling teeth and I still want to keep in touch with her and hear how she's doing from our discord server but stuff like that I just want to start separating her from weekly calls (which are currently more like monthly) bc she's so flakey but I know it's kinda shitty to purposefully leave her out and she'd be upset if she ever found out I was doing that.

I'm also open to advice on how to deal with this situation in general, thus the detail, without causing a huge fight or make anyone pick sides +her tardiness won't be something we can talk through it's something we've worked on for years and recently have just given up and accepted since she's late even to things that are important to her

What are these acronyms?

[i-have-bees-in-my-brain]

Personal rant or some shit bc i just wanna get this out rn. yeeeee this will be long

So today i had a vit of a stressful day with uni n all bc ive been sick and admittedly lazy over the last week up til like tuesday and i had to turn in an Interpretation/essay tonight and prepare a group presentation for tmr (saturday seminars should b illegal but ok i literally chose this). N e way so ive been procrastinating like hell up until this morning so i didnt rly eat before showing up to seminar at 12am and afterwards i had to check with my one remaining presentation groupmember and finish the interpretation and tgen i had swordfighting class at 5. I didnt Really gave time for it but its fun and im very behind bc i misses several lessons already and am generally. Not good at it lol. n e way i turn up to swords and we peactice some routines ig and heres where the peoblem rly starts. Basically i am a huge crybaby, always have been (im older than firestar btw for context), esp when i feel criticized or yknow. Make mistakes or anything and since i was a sports h8er with 2 left feet n hands all my life n cried often during school pe bc i kept messing up n git embarrassed, it was an important step for me to sign up for this uni extracurricular swords class bc. Doing sth sporty in front of others tgat. Isnt very easy and i gotta learn from scratch is a bit out of my comfort zone. But normally its all v fun, im not good/easily the worst in class but thats ok i learn and move my body and talk to ppl! Proud of myself! Well today not so kuch, i noticed i was getting tense bc of not understanding how to do a movement and everyone (3 experienced fighters bc the main teacher was sick plus 2 other beginners that r learning faster than me) lookimg at me and trying to give helpful pointers and me still doing it wrong... H8 dis feeling bc i kinda freeze up instead of being able to take the tips n try again. Its hard for me to translate input like verbal instructions and demonstsations into my own movements as is. In this state i cant do anything properly and i feel the cryings abt to start while wanting nothing more than to MOVE ON NORMALLY. Well my eye started to get itxhy n teary so i excused myself to "take care of my contacts" (lie) (why am i even so ashamed that i feel i have to lie/make up excuses?? Bro???? That just made the situation Actually cringe?????? Im normally not an ashamed person and cryings just a state/expression but idk) so it was better for a bit until it wasnt. Then i full on cried in class while 2 ppl were actively showing me things/helping me do em right n everyone else kimda watched, kimda practiced. They did ask if i was ok and i said yes like a liar. So at the end of class i normally take the bus home with one of the other new guys but i today just didnt feel able to keep talking to him. So he also asked if i was ok/why i cried and i said i just do that under stress and why i am stressed (uni) so that was also a bit of a lie but only kinda. I said i was gonna go to the livrary instead (another lie, was gonna call my bf to calm me down abit n then take the next bus) so i did tgat n it kinda worked and this genius asked if i had eaten. Bruhhh of fuckin course im sensitive ive only had 3 baked goods all day and hadnt even noticed!!!!!! So then it all made sense, mans gotta get some freakin noursishment to keep their composure in swords class! So i went to another bus stop than normally bc i needed sth from the store and bruh the guy i normally take a DIFFERENT bus with is there (awkwardly votta tell hik i changed my mimd abt the library) and we talk a bit (i feel like i talk to him wayy too much in comparison to him, like we dont know each other that well at all, idek his real name and yknow. If he actually enjoys talking to me) and yea

So now everyone in the 14th century peasant larp class knows my terrible terrible secret:))):)

[zmediaoutlet]

Hey I'm super intrigued by your halmanverse stuff (just finished reading your most recent mpreg fic and also timelapse and also the omegaverse explanation post) but I'm still kinda confused, maybe because I'm in general already overthinking gender like 95% of the time. I have a lot of questions but mainly I was wondering what specific differences you imagine between halman Dean and male Dean? Mostly physical/presentation-wise, but also in terms of personality/emotion/emotional expression/etc?

oh wow, I’m glad you’re interested! (and even went back to that ancient post! bro!) I related to the overthinking part--I’m not that interested in gender qua gender but I am super interested in trying to figure out how a three-sexed civilization might actually work, and what gender expression results from there, etc etc. It��s a conundrum! My friend can attest to the hours I’ve spent moaning and flailing over how tf fashion would even work, much less everything else. But--it’s easier to think about if we start from a few basic premises:

1. I don’t want to write it as a dystopia; 2. I want it to feel semi-familiar as a setting; 3. I want Dean still to feel as much like himself as possible; 4. I want things to feel as naturalistic and realistic as possible.

All of which are kind of connected. I didn’t want to write it as a sex-crazed ultramating fuck-ciety, so heats get calmed down and ‘omegas’ (halmen) aren’t wee sex dolls who pump out seventy puppies per litter. (What do they even do with all those babies in omegaverse fics? Eat them??) The fact that I’m still using “he” pronouns means that halmen are still mostly masculine-presenting, but there are tells that mean that everyone can recognize a halman vs a man vs a woman (unless, of course, there’s some passing activity going on--much like in our own culture, where you can pretty much get a sense at a glance how someone is operating, and it’s exceptional if someone says, ‘actually, my gender identity is [x].’)

Still, halmen are, for lack of a better word, baby carriers. So, while they’re stronger/bigger/taller than women for the most part, they’re also given a slightly feminized role just by virtue of how this culture treats baby carriers. That translates into job choice, fashion, expected behavior. To delineate, halman!Dean:

Basic physical stuff: - he’s about 5′10, which is a little taller than average for a halman (much as real!Dean is a little taller than average for a man) - slightly rounder features, to go along with enticing mates to treat you well -- still very recognizable as Dean (esp with his lips and eyes already being Like That), but a very slightly softer jaw, probably. - high testosterone gives him good muscle structure and broad shoulders; high estrogen gives a soft subcutaneous layer of fat (which, ahem, Jensen already has) and less body hair; wider more feminine hips; flat chest (until pregnancy). So, the silhouette is a little different--sort of an hourglass, sort of an upside down triangle. - downstairs, you’re getting a very large clitoris (small penis-sized -- think of hyenas), which is also where the ureter is; no testicles, obviously; anus/birth canal hybrid, because that’s just fun tbh -- probably translates into that area being cleaner than usual, but let’s be honest, babies get poop on them half the time anyway, so. - heats are twice-yearly, ish (I think I said 25 weeks in one fic?) -- no crazy compulsion, no one’s gonna die if they don’t get fucked, but an actual body temp increase and definite horniness, and this is pretty much the only time all year that halmen can get pregnant. The hormones they’re putting out are also what triggers men to knot, so. It’s a special time. :)

Fashion: - Hair could be really anything (much like women can get away with most anything), but a pretty classic hairstyle would be something akin to Sam’s prettier bob haircuts. Dean keeps it above his shoulders, but not long enough that it could have a ponytail, probably. Side part, tuck behind the ears, done. - Makeup is minimal--halmen wear just as much as women if they feel like it, and in professional settings some effort is expected. Dean tends to stick to just eyeliner, but playing FBI might include a small amount of lip color. - Clothes -- THIS KILLED ME, but I came up with some options. Again, like 21st century women, they can kinda get away with anything, but they don’t mess with cleavage-baring (since they don’t have any, until they have a kid) and instead go with bare backs and shoulders to be sexy. (Why? Nice muscley backs, that’s why.) A very traditional outfit would be a tunic-length top (to cover the minimal bump from the big clit) paired with slim pants or tights. Short skirts over tights is also a really common look. Half the time, Dean’s going to be wearing a loose plaid shirt, a tank that dips just low enough to look halman-y, tight ass-hugging jeans, and boots.

Cultural stuff: - Sexuality: Dean vastly prefers men, because he’s pretty conformist when it comes right down to it. He probably experimented with a halman or a woman in his early twenties, but let’s face it, he likes dick. - Halmen could always get physical “men’s jobs” -- farming, factory work, mechanic, etc -- but the intellectual “men’s jobs” -- doctor, lawyer, head chef -- weren’t as common. They would’ve had a similarly hard time to women, breaking into those categories. So, while Dean can fake being an FBI agent just fine, sexist people will probably defer to Sam as the ‘senior’ agent. - Hustling pool: still likely, but Dean’s going to change up his style a little. He can probably take any of these trucker men in a fight, but it’s easier to flirt his way through it, and with that ass--yeah, he can get away with it. - Hooking: definitely possible too, but his client base wouldn’t be weird closeted dudes like real!Dean, it’d be people who’d expect to treat him more like a female sex worker might be treated. More dangerous, in its way, but at least he almost certainly wouldn’t get knocked up.

Personality/emotional expression: So, this is the big one. A large part of it is that, as a more female-typed caregiver, John’s expectations for how his Dean should act aren’t as subversive as in canon. Halman!Dean cooking/cleaning/taking care of his little brother--that’s what daughters are expected to do, after all, and Dean isn’t that far off from a daughter in this treatment. But that also means that the weird ways that, in canon, Dean is a little... overly macho, how he acts too butch, etc, those don’t really come into it. As a halman, he’s completely fitting into the role society/culture expect of him, and he doesn’t need to pretend otherwise. His issues, then, would be less of canon!Dean’s insistence on being a Cool Steve McQueen Dude, and more in the ‘there are certain cultural markers I’m missing by being a transient hunter, and I regret them.’ This gets touched on in ‘timelapse’ when he reflects about how he’s never been on a date with a nice boy before Mark-from-Blockbuster -- and I think we get a sense of wistfulness, wishing that maybe nice boys would ask him out more than the other guys like to finger him under the bleachers -- and again in the recent fffr fill, where of course he wanted to have kids, but knew that was never an option. He wants to hold babies, man. He just wants to really, really badly.

Related to that--in just his day-to-day, especially with Sam, he can afford to be... a little softer. Obviously he still gives his little brother a hard time, because that’s his job, but he also probably kept giving Sam good-night kisses until he was like 8--they probably argued a little less, because Dean didn’t feel the need to be a hardass just to emulate their dad--John was probably a little more soft with him, but Dean’s obedience would also be completely expected. I bet that there wasn’t ever one of those moments per canon where John would “send Dean away” for arguing too much, because I bet Dean didn’t argue that much.

The nurture of it all is so much of what shapes Dean--and he’s still loyal to a fault, of course, and still cracks jokes, and still loves his brother more than anything. But it’s the little softened edges that interest me--the places that canon!Dean fights against, that halman!Dean can just accept and be. Distinct from a Deanna, though, even if the changes are incremental. It’s just these little tweaks.

That... got really long, haha. Still, I hope it was helpful. Also, as a bonus:

I mean, the hair’s too long, but honestly, it... doesn’t take much imagination, haha.

[autumn-foxfire]

So I finally finished watching Bungou Stray Dogs and it was pretty good! The story itself is okay (well except for the Oda flashback at the beginning of season 2 - that was god-tier and in all left me with all sorts of emotions and thoughts about life and death and Dazai) - I find the powers / all the literary references interesting, but the lack of consequences for the multiple murders of the Port Mafia (esp. in situations involving innocents) kind of irks me. (1/4)

Also, I find the pacing a bit weird at times - but that may just be a personal thing. Anyways, where I think the story really shines is in its characters. The character designs are great, but then add the special abilities, personal conflicts, and relationships to one another into the mix and, well. I honestly think it’s hard not to come out of watching BSD absolutely loving a character or two. For me, I came out of it absolutely loving Kunikida. (2/4)

His conflicts between his ideals vs reality and duty vs feelings are really interesting (+ he’s best agency mom). And then his ability Doppo Poet? I want it. Also he’s voiced by Patrick Seitz (Endeavor’s va) and instantly recognizing his voice in the first episode made me kind of proud. And then - of course - Dazai. Honestly, I think it’s a given that any fan of Hawks is going to love Dazai + again, the four best episodes in the series focus on him so??? (3/4)

I wish his suicidal thoughts / tendencies were taken more seriously though. Overall, I really liked the series and I’m glad I gave it another chance (especially since it introduced me to the A+ ship that is Soukoku). I still think that the hinted romantic relationship of the Tanizaki siblings is kind of creepy though… (a big reason I stopped watching in the first place, as I eventually remembered). Anyways, thanks to you + thegaygyrus for inspiring me to watch it again! (4/4)

+ just read through other asks and YES it annoys me how shafted Chuuya was. Especially since he's so closely linked to Dazai - I was so excited when I finally got to see this mysterious short redhead I've seen from your blog + everywhere else only to see that he doesn't get as much focus as, well, all the other heavily marketed characters. And then we finally got his backstory at the beginning of S3 only for him to be put away in the final battle... smh. Anyways #ChuuyaDeservesBetter2020

I’m really happy to hear that me and Lucy geeking out over it convinced you to watched it and you enjoyed what you saw so far :3

I agree that the pacing suffers from time to time (it especially felt rushed at times and I’m not sure if that’s due to the fact that didn’t have many episodes to work with or if it’s just how the light novels/manga is). And I do understand being irked by the lack of consequences because I feel it at times too (...like did they forget that the Tanizaki siblings would have died without Yosano’s ability due to Akutagawa T-T or how Akutagawa blew up a police station and probably killed a lot of innocent people). Like I can understand later on that the reason why is probably due to the fact the tripartite exists but then why present Akutagawa as a fugitive if the Port Mafia’s crimes are usually ignored? So yeah, there are issues with the writing at times, I agree (especially what happened to Chuuya).

I can understand why you love Kunikida so much T-T The conflicts he faces in the story are so appealing and he’s really the one you see put through the ringer the most (...people he keeps trying to protect die in front of him and damn is it tragic to see. The man is going to develope a complex at some point). Also Doppo Poet is just such a useful ability (It reminds me of Momo’s quirk who has my favourite quirk in BNHA. Now we need a crossover with these two bonding :p).

And I feel you about Dazai’s suicidal tendencies. I know it’s played for gags most of the time but we saw when he was in the Mafia he truly didn’t care if he died and put himself into dangerous situations under the possibility that he would :/ Dazai needs a therapist desperately (and for someone to get rid of Mori forever).

(I also feel for you about the Tanizaki siblings. The incest is just... unneeded. But I’ve also become numb to it sadly because it appears all my favourite anime have incest in them *glares at Durarara!!*)

AND YES! JOIN US! Justice for Chuuya!!

I’m so mad! I wanted to see Ranpo and Chuuya fight in the book! I wanted to see Poe have to run with the Port Mafia on his tail while trying to protect it! I wanted Chuuya to be more involved for gods sake T-T Time and time again he’s implied to be the ace in the hole and he’s just not used.

(Have you watched the movie yet? Some of the best Soukoku scenes come from it and it’s incredible. Dazai actually references himself as Snow White and Chuuya to be his Prince Charming... He’s not very subtle XD)

[t100ficrecsblog]

an interview with @that-english-nerd (she/hers)

what are you working on right now? Three things!

My next chapter for my witch!AU where Bellamy is the son of a witch, and Clarke enlists his help to find out what happened to her father and his sister.

And a prompt for @bellarkefic-for-blm  with princess!Clarke and knight!Bellamy. It's a little outside of my comfort zone but I enjoy writing it. I currently have stumbled upon some technical difficulties where I lost everything I wrote for it so now I'm back to square one.

I’m also looking for the next chapter of a Voltron fic I’ve been working on. It’s super silly but it’s ridiculous amounts of fun, I want to write so much for it.

what’s something you’d like to write one day? I think it's been a pipe dream of mine to write a novel that captures the spirit of the YA books I grew up on but that people of all ages can enjoy. I want it to be my ultimate self-indulgent fantasy where I combine all the things I loved as a reader. A fantasy/sci-fi, action, a good satisfying romance, complex emotions.

It's also important to me that the main character is brown-skinned like I am, and that the book discusses different philosophies and cultures without ever saying one is right. Growing up as the child of immigrants, I've always struggled with clashing cultures and it took me a while to learn that neither culture is more right than the other, and that our differences in how we think are what makes being human meaningful. I want something that acknowledges those parts of the human experience without villainizing or glorifying its existence.

what is the fanwork you’re most proud of? Honestly? It's this moodboard I made for my Winx Club!AU. I really like how it came out aesthetically speaking, and I'm fond of the story. I do have some things I'd change about the story stemming from the fact I wrote it one sitting but I don't know if I'll ever make the changes. Still. It was a fun piece to write.

why did you first start writing fic? I really, really just wanted to write some more scenes for my favorite couples who I felt were robbed in books. I just wanted to write some cute shit, man. Since then I’ve written for 39 Clues, Maximum Ride, Demashitaa! Powerpuff Girls Z, Percy Jackson and the Olympians, Powerpuff Girls, Hush, Hush, Danny Phantom, Giver, Legend of Korra, Jimmy Neutron, Code Lyoko, 100, Voltron: Legendary Defender, Lucifer, and Penryn & the End of Days.

what frustrates you most about fic writing? plot. specifically, non-emotional plot. like what even is that. If the plot is driven by emotional development, it’s still hard to come up with specific structures for moments but like if things need to happen outside of their emotions, oh whee boy do I struggle. For me, emotions tend to naturally evolve from one thing into the next and it’s easy for the characters to lead me where their emotions take them. It’s harder when things need to develop outside of that.

Other than that, motivation is a big roadblock. Struggling with depression, anxiety and my other responsibilities, I can go without touching a piece of writing for months. I feel the itch very often but it’s one that goes unindulged.

what are your top five songs right now? - Experience by Victoria Monét with Kahlid, SG Lewis  - BALI by Rich Brian with Guapdad 100 - Etch by RILEY THE MUSICIAN with Iker - Culver by Mac Wetha

what are your inspirations? Usually pictures or stories! My witch!AU was inspired by an aesthetic picture I saw on tumblr and most of my other stuff has been inspired by other stuff I read. It’s not necessarily specific plot points—though, sometimes some plot threads are too good to give up—but rather the emotional journey the characters go through. Poems and other media also feed the old noggin.

what first attracted you to Bellarke? what attracts you now? It turns out I have a thing for reluctant partners turned lovers. I really liked how the two shouldered responsibilities that no one else really had, and that despite their differences, they had the capacity to understand and empathize with each other when no one else would. It would've been so easy for Bellamy and Clarke to fall into an endless cycle of blaming each other for their decisions. We see it in the other characters, in other TV shows--a constant battle where only one person's philosophy can prevail. But with Bellamy and Clarke, they have always shown empathy and accepted each other. It might not have been right, maybe they themselves would've done something different, but at the end of the day, Bellamy and Clarke try to understand and accept each other for who they are. Present tense. I think that kind of, frankly mature, love is something we don't see in media all too often.

BESIDES Bellarke, what character or pairing do you like best on t100? hmmmm

I do enjoy memori, they make me happy. I also have a soft spot for Raven and Roan. Anything with Wells is gold bc I really want to see how he could've changed the show. Oh, and Minty. This wonderful idea will always be a favorite of mine.

why did you decide to start writing for bellarkefic-for-blm? I’ve been wanting to do more for a bit because I, personally, avoid social media activism. @bellarkefic-for-blm  is an amazing way to leverage whatever platform I have to incite awareness and action by using my strengths. I can do this really cool thing that I enjoy to help something critically important.

what’s your writing process like (esp for prompts, chopped!, etc)? it’s a hot diggity dog mess. I kind of do whatever I feel like. If I want to write a scene, I’ll write a scene. If I want to write dialogue, I’ll write dialogue. If I want to write an outline, I’ll write an outline. Chronological order is not guaranteed. Because writing tends to be an extremely emotionally exhaustive task for me, it’s easier for me to write more if I let go and follow whatever whims I have so that I don’t compromise my urge to write. My guarantee is that I try to milk the whim for whatever it’s worth. If I start an outline, I’ll finish it. I’ll have music in usually but I’ll pause it often to think about whatever it is I need to say.

what are some things you’d like to recommend? Some bellarke fics that’ll make you chuckle: So put your hands down my pants and I bet you’ll feel nuts by Chash You know you drive me up the wall by coffee_grounders The (Bullet Pointed) Life and Times of Bellamy Blake by crystalkei, dirtytrix

Other than that:

-       Albums: Ungodly Hour by Chloe x Halle, SAWAYAMA by Rina Sawayama, Punisher by Phoebe Bridgers -       Musicians: Matt Nathanson, Mat Kearney -       TV Shows: Nikita, Code Lyoko -       Books: Strange the Dreamer by Laini Taylor

You can find her on here on Tumblr @that-english-nerd, or on her AO3 here. Request a fic written by her via @bellarkefic-for-blm.

[blackjack-15]

Puttering Around — Thoughts on: Secret of the Old Clock (CLK)

Previous Metas: SCK/SCK2, STFD, MHM, TRT, FIN, SSH, DOG, CAR, DDI, SHA, CUR

Hello and welcome to a Nancy Drew meta series! 30 metas, 30 Nancy Drew Games that I’m comfortable with doing meta about. Hot takes, cold takes, and just Takes will abound, but one thing’s for sure: they’ll all be longer than I mean them to be.

Each meta will have different distinct sections: an Introduction, an exploration of the Title, an explanation of the Mystery, a run-through of the Suspects. Then, I’ll tackle some of my favorite and least favorite things about the game, and finish it off with ideas on how to improve it.

If any game requires an extra section or two, they’ll be listed in the paragraph above, along with links to previous metas.

These metas are not spoiler free, though I’ll list any games/media that they might spoil here: CLK, CUR.

The Intro:

In our next Jetsetting game, Nancy travels back from Modern-Day England and straight into 1930s Titusville (aka River Heights 70+ years ago) to help an acquaintance who’s in the middle of two unrelated plots to turn Titusville upside down.

A game famously reviewed as “pleasant but inconsequential”, Secret of the Old Clock tends to be passed over for both praise and censure, famous for two minigames (the sewing minigame and the mini-golf) but otherwise overlooked. It’s a shame, really, that it’s sandwiched in between two much flashier games, as CLK is a wonderfully solid entry into the Nancy Drew series. It pioneers the two-culprit variation on the standard Nancy Drew plot, tackles a new time period, and includes dozens of in-jokes towards the Nancy Drew books.

It’s also the first introduction of Carson Drew as a phone character, which is a lot of fun, and makes sense that he’d show up in the game that includes nods to all things canon. He doesn’t show up again until much later in the series, so it’s nice to introduce him here after hearing about him for 12 games.

As opposed to CUR right before it, CLK takes care to ground itself in a linear plotline, handling its story with relative ease and taking care not to reach too far out of the box. This is one of its greatest strengths, and provides a much better game overall because of it. It’s a simple story, pretty well told.

Though it doesn’t stand up to other more “simple” games before it such as CAR or DDI, it never reaches any of the lows of SCK, FIN, or CUR, and allows the player to be sucked in to its fantastic facsimile of life in the 1930s for teen sleuth Nancy Drew — blue roadster and all.

The Title:

As CLK is a mixture of the first four Nancy Drew books, it retains the title of the first book. As a nod to the history of Nancy Drew, it’s a great choice for the title.

Unfortunately, though the Old Clock does appear and hold secrets, it’s just not prominent enough to deserve the title that it holds. The other three books — The Hidden Staircase, The Bungalow Mystery, and The Mystery at Lilac Inn — are other options, and The Mystery at Lilac Inn would have been the most appropriate title. It doesn’t have the immediate name recognition, which is why they didn’t pick it, but it really is much better and encapsulates the game much better, as the game revolves around the Mysteries that are tied to the Inn.

That’s all I really have to say about that, so onto the mystery!

The Mystery:

Nancy Drew is summoned to the Lilac Inn to help Emily Crandall, the friend of Nancy’s friend Helen Corning, who needs to put her recently deceased mother’s jewelry into a safe, and figures that Nancy’s father would have one.

If it sounds to you like a simple, if slightly contrived premise, then you’d be right.

Once Nancy gets there, however, she finds out that Emily is cracking under the pressure of running an Inn, that her guardian Jane Willoughby isn’t as much help as she should be, and that Emily and her mother were depending on money from Josiah Crowley’s will, which mysteriously only included his recent ESP teacher, Richard Topham, rather than the Crandalls and the local banker.

From there, things go from bad to worse as the inn’s kitchen catches fire, Emily’s jewels are stolen (and partially returned), and voices in the walls start manifesting — not to mention the fetch quests around Titusville that Nancy is sent on and the ridiculous Richard Topham hiding everything about himself other than how pompous he really is.

Nancy soon figures out that this mystery is two-headed, with one side revolving around the Inn itself and the other around Josiah Crowley’s real — and missing — will. Our villains catch on too, however, and Nancy has to race against their suspicion to expose the frauds, discover hidden secrets and identities, and solve the Secret of the Old Clock.

As a mystery, this one really is quite good for its time. Dual villains, each unconcerned with the other, hidden inheritance, Shakespeare references — it’s got it all. Though Jim Archer lets it down a bit in his sheer nothingness, and it functions as a howdunnit with a weird whodunnit beginning, CLK is solid ground after the incredibly shaky mystery in CUR, and it’s a lot of fun to play through.

The Suspects:

Emily Crandall is our protagonist and resident watering pot of CLK who spends the game moping and being Generally Unhelpful. Her mom’s death notwithstanding, Emily’s stressors are the Inn, her lack of money, and her fake-guardian making her think that she’s crazy.

So maybe her total lack of common sense in wanting to call in Nancy because Nancy’s bound to have a safe at home is a result of copious amounts of mental stress. One can only hope so, as by her next birthday she’s the legal owner of the Inn.

Emily actually would have been interesting as a villain, but she, like Jim, just isn’t enough of a presence in the game — which stands out since she’s the closest we’ve got to a main character! She cries a lot, she sits a lot, and that’s about it. She would have had to be a misguided villain, convinced that her guardian (who would have had to actually be Jane Willoughby) is after her fortune…but HER still isn’t up to that level yet, and it’s probably better that they went with a story they can tell wholly and mostly convincingly.

Honestly speaking, Emily, being as she is, is a more successful Linda Penvellyn, which I don’t actually think is unintentional. She’s being harassed and abused by someone who’s basically a family member but is still largely unfamiliar to her, the tie to her remaining family is gone (though Emily’s mother is dead, unlike Hugh Penvellyn), and she is being gaslighted to believe that she’s crazy.

Emily was allowed more agency, more screen time, and more pity by the writers and creators, and because of that, her situation with her Evil Jane is far more obvious to the average player, and she’s treated with far more sympathy than Linda historically has been by the fandom (though recent fan discussion has begun trending in Linda’s favor, which I think is wonderful and fantastic).

Jane Willoughby is, of course, not Jane Willoughby after all, but actually Marion Aborn, proving that identity theft in the 30s was as easy as…well, saying that your name was someone else’s name.

An acquaintance of the actual Jane Willoughby and a petty thief, Marion intercepted the letter about Gloria’s death and Jane’s status as Emily’s guardian and decided to try to cash in on potential cash by tormenting Emily until she signed over the Inn. Exploding the kitchen, stealing Emily’s jewels, and attempting to make the girl think that she was crazy to make her sell the Inn before her 18th birthday (after which Marion would receive no profits).

As one of two culprits, Marion is the more “subtle” culprit and has the more complicated background, but is also the one you have to deal with the most, and thus suffers slightly from being in the spotlight (and thus showing the obviously evil side of her) a little too much. As this game isn’t really concerned with its culprits as a centerpiece, however, Marion’s antics fit right in.

Marion also gets points for being a much more intelligent abusive culprit (contrasting Jane), working hard to make Emily think she’s crazy with a clear goal in mind and even going as far as stealing, then partially replacing, Emily’s jewels to really hammer home the idea that the girl wasn’t mentally well to others — and to Emily herself.

Richard Topham is a self-proclaimed ESP expert and everyone-else-proclaimed dick who ended up somehow being the beneficiary of Josiah Crowley’s will, despite his spoken intentions to leave it to the Crandalls and Jim Archer. He also has a very obnoxious cat named Uri, voiced by a lovely cat named Carl (though I bet you were expecting me to say Jonah Von Spreecken — never fear, he shows up as the Tubby Telegram guy!)

Richard is our other culprit, guilty of falsifying Josiah Crowley’s will when no one could find the original, leaving most everything to himself rather than to the Crandalls or Jim Archer as Josiah wanted. A slight throwback to the 1920s obsession with spiritualism that itself was a post-war reaction to massive death, Richard is as sleazy as they come, testing Nancy for an “inferior mind” and taking advantage of every situation in order to come out on top.

As a culprit, Richard’s technically the one with the bigger crime, but is overshadowed by the plotline with Emily and Marion and is thus a little forgettable, even though it was his actions that started this whole mess in the first place.

Finally, Jim Archer is the local banker who’s not having too good of a time during, well, the Great Depression, where hundreds of banks (and dozens of bankers’ hearts) failed. Promised a boon by Josiah Crowley, he, like Emily, is left in the lurch after the false will was presented. Jim was also a fellow student with Carson Drew at law school, but turned to banking as a career instead.

Despite his office being the location where Nancy finally figures out the mystery of the titular Old Clock and where she discovers that “Jane” is actually Marion, Jim really doesn’t have much to do in this game. He gives Nancy the dreaded sewing minigame and reminds the player that the stock market crash was a recent event, but other than that has very little impact.

Jim would have been a poor choice for a villain — he just doesn’t have the personality or impact necessary — as the only storyline readily available would have been him doing Dirty Deeds to keep his bank afloat…except for the fact that if he were a villain, his bank would have been doing fine, with no need for the will anyway.

The Favorite:

My favorite moment in the game, odd as it might seem, is the CB radio conversation-slash-puzzle. It’s so rare in these pre-Nik games that we actually get to see the lives of those not really related to the case/mystery and get a sense for the world spinning on despite the incident, and this is a great example of that done right.

Like the “freezer moment” mentioned in my Danger on Deception Island meta, this moment where Nancy can see how Josiah Crowley’s life has impacted people for the better, rather than the main game where so far his death has made everything worse. It’s a wonderful moment, and honestly the game is worth replaying on the merit of that alone (though there are many wonderful things about it).

My favorite puzzle is getting down into the secret passage (and all of the puzzles within the passage). It’s a ton of fun to find hidden passages that aren’t full of Deadly Traps or human remains, and the whole Creepy’s Corner puzzle is delightfully campy and awesome.

The best location in the game by far is the carriage house, where the aforementioned conversation takes place. Beautifully lit, nicely hidden away in stages, and the only place that doesn’t feel like a 1960s set of a 30s period piece.

I love this game as homage to the original Nancy Drew titles; though they’re changed somewhat to suit both a video game style and the take on the original canon that the video game universe took (such as making Nancy’s mother’s death at 10 as it was originally, which was the smartest move they’ve ever done).

Video-Game-Style Nancy’s far more like her original 30s version than the sanitized, “fashion-ized” version in the 60’s rewrites — a fact that becomes more and more clear as the series goes on — and it really does show here, as cowboy-cop Nancy wrangles not one but two crooks.

Speaking of, the last thing that I’ll mention in this section is the fact that there are two different culprits, each uncaring of the other. In a game series that was originally only supposed to be 12 games long (meaning CLK would be the last one), this is a delightfully fresh take and it makes untangling who did what a lot of fun and makes CLK different from most games before it.

I’ll talk more about this in later Nancy metas, but the shift from “one crime, one culprit” to a more “spread the guilt” approach really makes the games go up a level or two in enjoyability and in complexity, and CLK is a great example of how just having two culprits really makes the game much more fun to play around with.

The Un-Favorite:

All of that being said, there are some things in CLK that I really don’t love.

The sewing puzzle is honestly the worst; it’s hard with a mouse and nearly impossible with a trackpad, it’s tedious, and it doesn’t matter for the rest of the game, which is probably the worst part given how much effort it takes. It’s a puzzle for a puzzles’ sake, and doesn’t tell us anything we don’t already know (we know Jim’s not doing well; we know it’s the Great Depression, etc.), not to mention not rewarding the player nor Nancy for the effort.

My least favorite moment in the game would have to be Nancy’s first encounter with Richard Topham. Nancy’s autonomy is usually respected in both the 30s original drafts (less so in the 60s re-writes) and in the games, and Richard’s comments about lesser minds and his little test are, even with Nancy’s snarky comment about him in her diary, frankly out of place.

They don’t serve as a “relic of the times”, they don’t make us hate Richard more than we would have for stealing money from people who are literally drowning in bills and debt…and as much as the Nancy Drew books and character are feminist rather than Feminist, it’s honestly not great to have both his ‘clients’ during the course of the game be women that he treats the way he does.

It wasn’t necessary to have him behave the way he does, it contradicts the Spiritualist movement (which was most popular among women to a startling degree, and male Spiritualists tended to treat their female clients very well because that was the bulk of their clientele), and it doesn’t tell us anything new about him, because Nancy and the players already know he’s a fake and a blowhard.

The Fix:

So how would I fix Secret of the Old Clock?

The first and biggest fix I’d make is to include a strong storyline about Spiritualism. As noted several times above, Spiritualism was a huge force in the 1920s, and a period piece set in the year 1930 should necessarily reflect that. Quite frankly, all the nonsense about Jim Archer’s wife should just be cut and replaced with a big Spiritualism puzzle of some sorts.

I’m not saying a séance — no need to retread MHM — but an actual nod to Spiritualism (and through it, the first World War, which given Nancy’s age of 18, would have happened when she was a child) more than just “and this character is a psychic of sorts, don’t really think about it” would improve the game and ground it in its time period. Other than the references to money troubles and the ease of identity theft, there’s not much to ground CLK in its period, and I really think a Spiritualism storyline would aid that.

And if Spiritualism is involved, Richard becomes a more present, more serious character — and a more serious threat. It also opens the opportunity for the two plotlines to intersect — is Emily being driven crazy by stress, an enemy, or a malevolent spirit (which could even be supposed to be her mom, should they want a slightly darker turn)? Richard might visit the house to ensure there are no ‘malevolent presences’ around — and ensure that Crowley didn’t hide his will there.

It wouldn’t become a ‘haunting’ game; it would instead work on the aesthetic of familiar spirits — something that would be explored more fully in the next game.

I know this has been said, but I can’t emphasize enough that the sewing puzzle should be cut, even if there’s nothing to take its place. It’s a perfect example of the wrong puzzle, the wrong controls, and the wrong side-quest at the wrong time. I’m also not sure why they made Jim Archer a middle-aged banker rather than Helen Corning’s fiancée, but that’s too small a change to really bother with.

The other important change I would make is to change CLK from a weak whodunit — our culprits are already clearly the culprits — to a strong howdunit, which is what it really wants to be.

The beginning can stay the same — Nancy’s journey, Emily’s mother’s death, Richard’s faking of the will, Josiah Crowley’s death and promises, etc. — but introducing Richard Topham at the Inn, there to ‘visit’ and offer condolences and because he sensed Heavy Psychic Energy and wondered if it was coming from the house or from Emily. Have Emily tell Nancy in confidence that the other reason she called her in was because she’s either going crazy or being attacked on all sides, and the game can proceed on from that point.

Because the villains aren’t secret or even quasi-hidden in plain sight — save for Marion’s identity theft — it’s a much more natural shift to a howdunit than other games. Emily’s living in fear of Marion, running the Inn, and the possible Malevolent Spirit that may or may not be her mother haunting her through the Secret, Secret Passageway in the Inn, and Nancy’s suspicious of Richard Topham who inherited all of Crowley’s wealth, of the ‘hauntings’ of the Inn, and of the missing will and the gifts Josiah left behind.

Those two plotlines alone are enough to carry the game, especially including the Edutainment section on Spiritualism that would tie in with Richard Topham (and possibly include Emily’s mother having an interest due to her husband dying in the war), and so Jim Archer just isn’t needed as much. Whether he stays in the game in an even more reduced role or whether he’s replaced by a ninth-hour character in the form of Emily’s actual guardian, the real Jane Willoughby, is up to personal preference (though I personally like the second option).

Like all the Jetsetting games, CLK begins with a small problem that snowballs into larger and larger consequences. By emphasizing a Spiritualist plotline (culminating with the technology-based ‘encounters’ Josiah had with his CB radio friends), trimming down the fat with Jim Archer, and selling CLK from the beginning as more of a howdunit than a whodunit, CLK would improve enough to be more than just a good game, and become a standout of its era — as befitting the start of the titular teen detective.

[opaquestrategies]

tagged by @7rc thanks!

10 quarantine songs:

1) this is a cheat, but just the whole first side of fleetwood mac’s 1979 album tusk (I keep listening to like all of tusk because it just fits the quarantine vibe so perfectly, but this stretch of it is esp. good and I listen to it a lot by itself  because of the undeniable combo of “over & over” AND “think about me” AND “sara” and the two lindsey buckingham songs are also pretty good but really just along for the ride)

2) “everywhere” - fleetwood mac (we have been on not one but several 48 hour fleetwood mac lockdowns and I guess I didn’t notice it but maybe I think christine mcvie is their best songwriter? hard to say because all three of them are good, but maybe i think that.)

3) “martin” - car seat headrest

4) “life during wartime” - talking heads

5) “MGMT - Kids But It’s September By Earth, Wind & Fire” - william maranchi (this shouldn’t work and most of this guy’s mashups are a lot more cursed but this is just aural dopamine)

6) “i steal pets” - rachel bloom

7) “the steps” - haim

8) “celebrity skin” - hole

9) “don’t be a lawyer” - crazy ex girlfriend ost

10) “angel” - fleetwood mac (again, tusk; again, underrated)

Are you staying home from work/school? yes, we are doing both remotely. I work on campus, but fortunately my department’s website direly needs updates so I’m still getting hours and easily able to do it from home.

If you’re staying home, who is with you? I have one roommate who’s stuck around but he lives at the other end of the hall and was already pretty sparse (although he finally got a replacement key the second week of quarantine) so usually he just shows up at 10 or 11am, showers and bumps around for an hour or two, and then leaves and I don’t see him again until 10 am or 11am the next day. so I’m basically by myself.

Who would be your ideal quarantine mate? my family or my friends anna and madeline.

Are you a homebody? yeah although I’d just spent the last year learning to be much less of a homebody, so it’s kind of a bummer to be shoved back here again when I was doing so well at getting out.

An event you were looking forward to that got canceled? I was going to present the first part of my undergrad thesis at a really niche conference in my field that I was helping to put on, but that’s moved back to the fall! I was also really excited about sitting in on a class on simone de beauvoir this summer, and that’s technically still happening but it’ll all be online and it’ll be different and lesser because of that. 

What movies have you watched recently? double feature of portrait of a lady on fire (stunning) and lady macbeth (intriguing but flawed) last saturday night. a week earlier, I started with a trio of comfort food classics (frances ha, stop making sense, the hudsucker proxy) before watching stuff I’d been thinking about seeing in the back of my mind, but had never gotten around to: alien (would have been better as a short film; its reputation ruins all the best twists), true grit (solid mid-tier coens), hard eight (a nice lowkey character study), the witch (superbly crafted but I like it when a film, you know, has a point and this one fools you into thinking it does and then...doesn’t), married to the mob (a lot of fun, but something about it always felt just a little off which made it harder for me to get into), hot rod (popstar is the superior lonely island film by far), and an unintentional pairing of two films themed around “step siblings with a complex relationship that’s complicated even further when their parents don’t stay together”: mistress america and step brothers. I watched as many movies that first week of quarantine as I had the whole rest of this year before, but most of the first time watches were honestly only okay? idk if that says more about them or the emotional state I watched them in.

What shows are you watching? I have been so blessed that my apartment installed a big tv in the common room during those miserable renovations last year and that two of my friends had given me their netflix, hulu, and prime-with-an-hbo-subscription passwords. also cursed, because in the mood quarantine puts you in, all you can do for much of the day is watch tv and this setup really enables that. during the past three weeks, we’ve started and finished barry, derry girls, fleabag, and crazy ex girlfriend. derry girls was my favorite. 

What music are you listening to? so after previously only knowing the four big songs from rumors, I’ve spent a good deal of quarantine getting really into fleetwood mac. they’re mellow and cheesy and comfortable in way that’s very appealing right now, but there’s also this nice undercurrent of mysticism, weirdness, and interpersonal tension to their songs that prevents them from descending into soft rock gloop. tried getting more into the cure, but they’re a little too dour for right now. bruce springsteen, carly rae jepsen, and haim are also heavily factoring in.

What are you reading? since quarantine started I’ve finished taylor jenkins reid’s daisy jones and the six (this is responsible for all the fleetwood mac if you’re keeping score) and toni morrison’s the bluest eye, which I read for a class that’s basically just my favorite philosophy professor doing a book club. I’m in the middle of reading italo calvino’s if on a winter’s night a traveler, albert camus’ the stranger, daniel lavery’s something that may shock and discredit you, and gradually working my way through ted chiang’s short story collection story of your life and others.

What are you doing for self-care? taking a lot of long hot showers, avoiding getting things done (works short term; causes less self-care long term), going on a hike in the local canyon foothills, doing a remote existentialist literature reading group with some friends.

tagging: @animesemplemcpherson, @aahsoka, @theraisincouncil, @curtailedwhale, @teddy-stonehill and also you if you’re interested in filling this out.

[creamypudding]

The endless chain of writers-block and its effects on productivity

Heyo!

I just thought I'd give an update as to what's happening in regards to writing projects, for anyone wanting to know.

I have a lot of things going on and not enough attention span to stick to any one particular thing. My To-Do list is 18 projects strong and in the last three months I've worked on 4 things (technically 5 if you wanna include Barbershop Duet which I had only minor tweaks needed in order for me to consider it complete enough to post), trying to complete one, getting stuck or bored or uncertain and then sought refuge in another story, only to get stuck, bored, or uncertain in that one and moving on to the next one, etc.

It's been a bit of a hard slog, TBH.

But just to list the four ongoing projects, because I want to get them done in the next 12 months -

The project which took up a lot of my time has been The Anomaly: part 2, which is my Axel is a demon AU. The first part you can currently read on AO3. I've had a very solid plan for that since I first published it a year ago. I wanted to have the story finished for Halloween this year, but the project grew too big. Part 2 is done (but not uploaded), and I have a part 3 and 4 to write now. I got hopelessly stuck on part 3 and moved on to another story, which I'll talk about below. But going back to The Anomaly for a moment - I'm very excited about this story. It's the biggest project I've got going because it has a lot of off-shoot projects attached to it, which I look forward to delving into once I'm done with the main story. And the main story is a beast. I've re-written large parts of part 1 to make it cohesive with the subsequent parts. I added an extra 5000 words to it, bringing the word count up to 40k. I haven't updated the story yet and won't do so until I'm ready to post parts 2, 3 and 4, and I'm not sure when that might be. Part 2 is over 30k, and while I'm not sure about the length of part 3 (esp since I'm so horribly uninspired and stuck on it) but it might be long once I get back into it. I think part 4 will also be quite long as well, as that is the part I’m really looking forward to writing. So you see, it is definitely a project I'm really enjoying... when I'm not stuck on it, and I’m stuck on it because of a POV change. God damn. So I dropped The Anomaly and moved on to this 'short' AkuRoku smut drabble I have to write for a friend, which should be the easiest because it was just supposed to be smut but I got bogged down in backstory and motivations and character drives like I usually do. I got up to a certain point and gave up on it. It feels like I've been working on it for ages but only have like 3000 words of writing to show for it. Also, an added fun bonus (not) of difficulty was a very unexpected crisis I had in regards to writing tense. I had started writing this story in past tense, but then going back to it after spending so much time living and breathing The Anomaly (like I was crazy prolific, writing about 50k in the span of maybe 3 weeks) I couldn't write past tense anymore. I basically rewrote what I had for this AkuRoku story in present tense and continued going with it, until I hit a brick wall and moved on from it.

The project I went on to work on is something I've had sitting on the ‘to be completed’ pile since October 2017. I'm very close to finishing it. Possibly two more chapters, but I am terribly uninspired about writing it too because it's hard. It's a Clack and AkuRoku story, where Cloud and Roxas as brothers (I love that familial relationship). It's also written in past tense, so of course I had a really hard time switching gears from the present tense high I was on from the previous two projects to the past tense this story needed. I thought about re-writing this Combo story but... I had already written too much to warrant the effort of rewriting the whole thing. So I had to stick to past tense and that was insanely hard. It had me in tears. It had me pulling at my hair and doubting that I would ever be able to write anything cohesive and meaningful ever again. Everything I had written felt like crap because I now feel like past tense is too passive. I really enjoy the impact of present tense. So everything I read and wrote felt like swill. 

In the midst of my crisis, I’ve now decided to exclusively write in present tense once I finish the past tense stories. It's also why I haven't gone back to The Anomaly and the AkuRoku story, because I'm scared of getting stuck in present tense mode again. It was really fucking hard to break out of that mindset to write past tense again, so I don't want to relive that experience.

Anyway, predictably, I got stuck on the above project and moved on to the current project which I'm writing. It's pure Clack. I started writing it in September 2017. Back in 2017 I got stuck on this Clack story, moved on to writing the Combo story above, and got stuck on that and started writing what became the behemoth that is The Two Penguins, which consumed two years of my life. But this Clack story is my true passion project. It's the thing I love and cherish the most. It's the thing I've been longing to get back into writing the most. Clack is my OTP, above AkuRoku. It's the pair I fear writing because I feel I can't do it justice; writing Cloud is hard. AkuRoku is my comfort ship. My easy ship. The ship that's as easy to do as breathing. Clack is breathing while climbing Everest, but I love it, and I am determined to finish it (until I get stuck on it and feel tempted to move on to something else 😅). I am three chapters away from finishing this Clack story. I'm having serious concerns about getting stuck after I finish chapter 7 because I think chapter 8 is a POV shift, which (as you may recall was also the thing that made me give up on The Anomaly) is always challenging for me. But God damn, I love Clack. I love this story and I want to finish telling it and exploring really heavy issues around recovery from severe physical and mental trauma (’cause that’s the way I roll). 

Anyway... these are the four projects I've got going at the moment and hope to finish in the next 12 months.

Clack Clack/AkuRoku AkuRoku The Anomaly (I don’t have any solid titles for any of the above stories, bar this one, as I did publish the first part of it, so ship names to identify the stories will have to do)

I want to finish the stories In that order. I'm least excited about the two middle projects, So I figure if I stick The Anomaly at the end it will motivate me to finish the other AkuRoku fic.

If any of you would like to be pre-readers for any of these stories do hit me up. I might need you. When I have people I can talk to and brainstorm with about my current projects, it helps me feel motivated to stick it out and get it done.

Send me asks, chat with me on Twitter or discord. You can find all my handle ID's on my AO3 profile page.

Anyway, I initially came here because I wanted to procrastinate and rave about my Clack project, but I might leave the raving to another day. I've procrastinated enough.

[leolamin97]

Steven Universe AU Pitch:

ONE PUNCH GEM

Synopsis:

(This world is a fusion of Steven Universe and One Punch Man. Characters from both series exist in this world and some take the place of others.)

    In this world the gem war went the same, except for when the Diamond attack happened. When White, Blue, and Yellow unleashed their blast and Rose blocks it with her shield all gems on Earth became corrupted. But there was another unseen side effect the attack had on humanity, it caused them to evolve. Humanity was changed allowing them to achieve strength, speed, and abilities beyond what they were capable of. Super strength, ESP, invulnerability, and more humanity were able to achieve making them stronger. But there was a negative effect to this as well, the chance that people could transform into monsters. Every human on Earth has the capability to become a monster, though the reason why has yet to be narrowed down, many believing it has to do with emotional states.

   Fast forward to present day where Rose gave up her physical form to give birth to Steven. And things go about the same with the Gem’s raising Steven at the temple and capturing Corrupted Gems, but they also fight any monsters they come across who threaten humans. Steven is the same lovable kid he is kind, friendly, and heroic. But when Steven became 11 his hair suddenly turned Pink and he gained an insane amount of strength. He easily outmatched the gems in physical strength and was practically invulnerable, much to the gems shock. 3 years later Steven managed to get a hold of his strength with only a few slip ups.

   In Modern day Steven lives peacefully in Beach City, but he dreams of becoming a hero like the Crystal Gems and the members of the Hero association. But the gems are still worried about his strength and not sure if he can handle a serious mission without accidentally breaking something. So, Steven is now out to prove himself to them and show that he has what it takes to be a real hero.

Character Bios

Steven: Still the peace-loving half-gem, all he wants is to make friends, have a good time, and save the world from monsters. Steven really looks up to heroes and wishes to be one someday. He of course looks up to the Crystal gems, but also the Heroes Association. His favorite heroes are Sweet Mask, Child Emperor, Atomic Samurai, Bang, Terrible Tornado, and of course the hometown hero Mumen Rider. Steven wants to help, but knows that he usually causes more trouble than help due to his strength, which is why he trying super hard to keep it under control so he can help out his friends. Steven is still very emotive, though he does have moments of Apathy whenever he runs into one of the dozens of monsters that seem to come to Beach City. He tries his best to be nice and supportive to most people, but can get on people’s nerves with how blunt he can be and often misunderstanding things. Thanks to the gems he’s now able to open a door without tearing it off it’s hinges and even developed some of his own moves. (Attacks) Super Move, Crystal Series: Crystal Flick- He puts all his strength into one hand and delivers a powerful finger flick to his opponent. Usually aims for the forehead and cheek a sure fire KO for most opponents. Super Move, Crystal Series: Amethyst Tackle- Based on Amethyst’s spin dash Steven charges forward with incredible speed and rams his shoulder into his opponent Super Move, Crystal Series: Rose Flurry- A single armed flurry of blows to whatever poor soul in front of him Finishing Move, Crystal Series: Garnet Punch- His ultimate move, Garnet taught him how to throw a pro style punch and it’s destructive capabilities are limitless. Garnet told him to never use this move unless she gives an order to do so, or if it’s an extremely dangerous situation

Connie/Genos: Connie takes the role of the Cyborg. Rebuilt by her mother Professor Priyanka Maheswaran after a terrible attack from a Cyborg that took the life of her father Connie has sworn to find out who was responsible and bring them to Justice. She is socially awkward not having talked to a lot of people ever since the attack and her mother revived her. This leads her to usually stumbling with her words, and not understanding social cues or boundaries. She tries to be serious, but it’s all a cover to hide her nerdy side and some of her insecurities. But she has a heroic heart and wants to help those in need and in battle she is a forced to be reckoned with devastating attacks thanks to her cybernetics Most of the characters are the same from their original appearances The gems, the heroes, and etc. Though this is a work in progress and things can change.

(Attacks)

Durga Rush: A vicious barrage of punches she moves so fast it looks like she has multiple arms striking at once. Incineration Cannon: A powerful flame based cannon capable of melting metal, she can control the intensity of the blast going from 5 to 100% power Jetstream Kick: She uses her arms to push herself forward at Mach 3  and deliver a powerful flying kick Durga Mode- After an upgrade she is now able to activate two extra sets of arms increasing the ferocity and power of her attacks

Fun Facts

   1.     Steven is still a pacifist, though he’s not afraid to get physical and understands that sometimes a good punch will solve the problem. Though he will usually attempt to talk his opponent down first before going to physical violence, it usually doesn’t work but there are a few times it does. Steven takes this approach with everyone humans, Monsters, and Gems. He will never Kill anyone not even monsters he usually just Knocks them out and leaves them for the authorities.

   2.     Greg and Rose unintentionally started the hero’s association. After kicking out Marty and driving to Beach City Greg doesn’t drive straight to the Beach, he sits down and thinks about what he’s doing and how his life got here. That’s when he is approached by Crablante who lets him go because he see’s he’s a coward. Later Greg runs into the Butt-Chin boy and saves him from the monster. Rose jumps into defend. Then in a moment of insane bravery Greg jumps in and defeats Crablante to save Rose and the Kid amazing both of them. The kid then told his grandfather about the kind act and the Association began.

   3.     Steven ends up becoming a deputy Hero after taking a Junior Exam. A deputy hero is like an afterschool activity for kids between the ages of 14 to 17. It mostly entails helping heroes (usually by pointing out threats or contacting the authorities) and just helping around the community. Steven of course does that but also assists heroes by just taking care of the monster. The he only does this if the Hero is in dire trouble or has been Knocked out. The Hero get’s the credit, but onlookers who saw this start talking about the boy who took down a monster with one punch on social media.

   4.     Connie ends up becoming an S class hero though a low ranking one due to them learning about how she destroyed the House of Evolution. She is ranked 16th.

   5.     The gems have known of the Hero Association but try to stay out of its radar taking out corrupted gems and monsters in secret.

   6.     Beach City resides in Sector Z what many consider a dead zone and a monster breeding ground. But despite that Beach City has won the Safest City award on multiple occasions. Monsters do attack, but they are dealt with quickly and no serious damage has dealt to the city. In fact, it’s the only town that has never been destroyed.

   7.     The gems gave Steven a Hero’s outfit after he became a deputy as a congratulations gift. It was made from special fibers allowing it to be indestructible. It’s a short sleeved red and blue onesie with a star on the chest and a blue cape. He wears fingerless red gloves and his sandals when he goes out to do his hero work.

   8.     Steven when he first meets Tatsumaki thinks that she’s his age. And is incredibly surprised to learn otherwise.

   9.     Jasper and the whole Return/Jailbreak arc take the role of Boros in this with a much bigger invasion force attacking Earth. The gems are taken and City A is destroyed, Steven jumps onto the ship and goes after his friends. He ends up facing off against Jasper and in a similar move to Saitama holds back out of a sense of pity for her hearing how she dedicated her life to this singular moment of facing Rose Quartz. If you have any ideas for this AU I would love to hear them. :)

[waterlinkedgirl]

Shinteni ch. 262-264 liveblog

In which I basically half (3/4) translate the chapter and half (1/4) point out the things I like. There are maybe slightly easier to follow if you have the scans by hand, which *are* in fact online by now (just do a jp search for jump square issue 6 ^^) I def plan on making this a thing btw! So without further ado, let’s get to it! (quick note before we start, I abbreviate Oswald Delon’s name as Os, so don’t get confused!) Long post below the cut.

I'm amused that Momo goes 'whoa he can even duplicate himself more than Eiji-senpai' esp since we had an another story ova with... slightly more duplications syjsrthstgstgh but that's not conform the manga, so it's cool

I feel this reminds me of a certain kamehameha meme. So if you haven’t guessed these are actually dolls and the mastermind is--

I’m laughing, Os did this in a certain Houkago too. OK SO THE QUESTION IS did Konomi make the houkago canon, or did he communicate the future developments to the houkago person

'hurry up and go clear the field of those dolls' you go, referee France is so deliciously extra

Yanagi's nose has power today

I still remain this is a very cool panel, like, man, look at that perspective. It’s interesting, because you don’t expect the ‘where did he go?!’ (above) trope to apply to tennis, yet here we are, hehe.

MUKAHI FEELS OFFENDED BY THE JUMP BTW (or impressed, but the latter is funnier)

so Sanada immediately uses rai on the shot Os put perfectly on the baseline, Os immediately knows to use the underside of the racket, however Sanada also immediately pulls one dragon strike that'sa  lot of head-on, hahaha Sanada has balls! (and makes a pun on them echoing the technique Os used earlier) Whereas Os... Uh, good luck srtjhsrtgshrtfg it's kind of cute how Os mangles his jp but Sanada also, in hiragana, addresses him as ‘ojaaru’ when you’d expect him to use the proper name instead of the nickname.

I've kind of missed that smirk

it's fun how Momo and Eiji get shown twice to be amazed and point, basically confirming Os as the acrobatic rascal player.

’Increasingly-More-Net no jutsu’ (thx, Holy ^^) Os what are you-- don't give me that 'With that the opponent will become aware of the net being higher than usual and make the ball go out,' random spectator, you don't. You don't get to put another net on the court xD

Sanada says he’s seen enough of this farce and Double Black Dragon strikes the ball in to make it 6-4 for Japan. Yukimura has a note in, saying that the opponent might be able to make full use of his various expressions of his ninjutsu tennis, but that with the current Sanada, finally after a long time put in singles again, none of them will work.

It’s never a good sign when the chapter title ‘ Revival of the Emperor’ drops immediately on the second page of the chapter, when Sanada’s ahead with 5-0.

ah, Os seems to have a breakdown about having practiced ninjutsu for (I presume) the past 12 years (either that or since he was 12 .-. I'm fuzzy) but saying it's impossible after all for a foreigner like himself to become a ninja To which Sanada tell him to pick up his racket-- and he tells him that “The act of dropping your blade before the battle is finished is against the bushido code!! In that, it does not matter whether you’re a foreigner or not.”

I feel like the sentence Os throws him in thanks could be interpreted as a pun by Konomi on Os’ nickname but my translation skills/ninspeak are insufficient to really trace it >.>

Tanegashima says that Sanada’s patience has really grown stronger. By only being chosen to play doubles, he's faced his own tennis head-on and reached an answer. When it comes to heart, body, and technique, if you combine them, he’ll lose to no-one.

After a tight rally, Sanada’s shot goes out, (while Os’ heart is racing like, ‘that was dangerous...!’) and the score is revealed to be 1-5 for France-- Os has taken a game. It’s Sanada’s serving game, and he’s serving for the match. (the note at the bottom of the panel explains that this is basically when you only have to keep your service game in order to win)

Oswald says in true shounen protagonist fashion) that for his grandma in the village, he’ll hit any number of shots back de ojaru (”But I thought ninjas always ended their sentences with de gozaru??” yes.)

But Sanada’s serve, of all things, goes out! Sanada tells himself he’s put too much power in, and yet, his serves keep going out and out, until it’s 2-5 France. Marui says he's never seen Sanada miss so many serves in a row before.

I agree, Yukimura.

--When we have a scene with Sanada correctly identifying the thing on Os’ racket being an elusive 290 gr Southern style Iron Paperweight Doll, to which it is Yanagi’s turn to nerd out;

“While not at all an expensive object, it’s a hard to obtain thing because of its popularity during its peak-- It’s what we too have always looked for”

Os is gracious and has two! So he says he’ll give one to him as a present de ojaru, Sanada accepts gratefully.

To which France tells us that it has finally started. Os’ scary style of tennis isn’t at all those flashy ninjutsu, but--

The ‘Gosha (lit. 5 vehicles) no jutsu’

Ohmagari recognizes it, and says this match might become dangerous after all.

(he’s grown up so fast ;v;)

Os returns the double Dragon Strike (on his own!)

(meanwhile, Yukimura is beautiful--) Kirihara yells that he must really be a ninja to be able to get to it, to which Yukimura responds with “No... There is doubt in Sanada’s shots.” And it becomes 5 all as Sanada’s shot hits the net.

Out once more, and Sanada rams his racket into the court in anger;

Kaidoh comes in with “what happened to ‘ishiki goryou, kannin juuryou’?” which extremely loosely means (Opinions are worth five, patience ten) that it’s important to listen to other people, but also to endure your anger and be patient (which... Sanada does not seem to be doing)

So we finally get the explanation for the ‘gosha no jutsu’ from Ohmagari; “It’s a most scary psychological skill with which you can cleverly control the opponent’s emotions; his feelings and heart.”

Translation by @imperfekti! “‘Kisha’ creates an opening by praising and flattering the opponent. ‘Dosha’ creates an opening by angering the opponent and making them lose their composure. ‘Aisha’ creates an opening by showing the opponent a piteous appearance and conduct, inviting sympathy. ‘Rakusha’ creates an opening by gifting them with something that attracts the opponent’s interest and using that weak point.” Kite: “…Oh? Isn’t one still missing, Oomagari-senpai…?” Osval: “Even though you fought and lost to Echizen-kun once… Isn’t it hard being S2 after him?” Oomagari: “And the most scary one is ‘Kyousha’… By conveying the realities the opponent doesn’t want to experience, and their worst predictions, breaking their fighting spirit.”

Yukimura’s hair is simultaneously too straight and too messy, haha.

The French themselves reveal that mr. PariColle was done in by ‘Rakusha,’ that even the prince fell happily to ‘Kisha,’ Jonathan himself to ‘Aisha’ thanks to that story about that fawn, and Edgard explains that ‘Dosha’ made him lose his temper and caused him to show an opening. Os makes a shot, and Sanada doesn’t reach for it at all. Camus, I presume, says that “He took all of them. It’s pitiful but this match...”

Unpredictable, like the shadow.

Sanada hits it back, in the lines. Os is unable to react.

Byoudouin makes a mental monologue about how Sanada was finally chosen for singles. And that, in order to defeat his opponent on the same battlefield, he had his blade drawn on the jutsu from the beginning. He was just pretending.

“It's the end. I will show you the philosophy of my tennis!”

Sanada was very cool in these chapters, haha! I was a bit worried that the match might be played for mostly comedic relief, as his opponent is literally a weeaboo, but I feel it’s good that Konomi used Oswald’s endearing appeal this way. Truly, the horrors of comedy tennis. (or at least, something that runs on the same principles, except a bit more detailed.) I’m not too sure how to feel about Sanada only pretending to have his balls go out, but I feel it should be a sign of Sanada having a good look at his own style of tennis. By simply not being affected, he could have nullified Oswald’s psychological game... but perhaps, he’d have shifted the battlefield to one more advantageous to him, and we know that Sanada dislikes to throw away a head-on battle. Even if, in this case, it causes him to be as dishonest as his opponent.

[wazowskiofthemikevariety]

mike + identity

1. Wazowski: So for this category I’m going to encompass everything that’s within his name because that’s like the biggest piece of him that made him who he is.

a. Son: Mike holds his parents on Hero Status. He looks up to them and what they’ve done for him. One of his biggest goals in life is to be a dad himself, because he wants that relationship, he craves his people, to have someone to devote himself to. They’ve inspired him to be the person he is because he’s seen his mom and dad sacrifice a lot for him and his siblings, even for their other family members like Mike’s aunts and uncles, grandparents, etc. BUT being a son is a lot more than that, obviously. It’s more of an identity that’s important to him because he finds great pride whenever his parents introduce him as their son. Like, “Oh, Georgia! This is my son, Michael!” and he likes being known as one of the Wazowski’s children. His parents, while they do have their problems and aren’t perfect and are human, are important to him and he is very happy and proud to be their son. He finds it a very integral part of who he is, being their son and being a part of this family.  

b. Middle Child: Mike is the middle child of five and that means he was forgotten a lot of the time. Several times his parents forgot to get him from school, so he got himself a bike with his own money. Several times they forgot about taking him to practice for band or whatever sport he was trying to join that year, so he would arrange a ride himself or put the pedal to the meddle. Several times they forgot to sign him up for something, pay this, pay that, tell him what was going on so he would get home to the family being gone and him not knowing why, or them expecting him to have been packed and ready for trip everyone had failed to mention so all of a sudden he has to get his suitcase together while panicking about not having enough time and crying in his room under the stress as someone yells at him to hurry or they’ll miss their flight. This, although kind of disheartening to him, turned him very independent. It made him have to rely on himself. So he identifies with the stereotype of the Middle Child because oof, he knows that pain, but it played its part in making him who he is.

c. Younger Brother/Older Brother: He’s got different relationships to all of his siblings, as one does, and esp since he is that bridge from the olders to the youngers. He’s the middle, smack dab. Two above, two below. And he loves all his siblings. He’s sort of the second mom tbh because while his two older siblings are the kind that would die for the others or throw down where needed, they aren’t as responsible and put together as Mike is. And the younger siblings, there was sort of a disconnect with them to the older to because by the time they were Humans who could Hold A Conversation the older siblings had shipped off to college and weren’t around the house all the time. Where Mike became the oldest of the house all of a sudden, taking the younger two around. It’s a weird, interesting dynamic but he is very much a loving and supportive brother. He’s not the smartest, but he always worked the hardest. And his siblings were always his best friends when he didn’t have anyone. He was always ALWAYS there for them, even if they weren’t for him sometimes, but that’s okay. That’s what family it for, yah know. Talking shit, getting hit, but coming together to make sure the house is clean before their parents got home to kill them all should they see the state of the kitchen. Being a brother to four very different human beings is very important to him. He loves being a brother and he loves his sibling and is very grateful to them because while he didn’t have friends growing up he did have them. And they will always have him.

d. Ethnicity: This falls within this category, too, and IS important to him because he is kind of ethnically ambiguous. He is of mixed race and he’s proud of that. He identifies with it because his parents didn’t shy away from telling their kids about where they came from or who their families are. Though he may not seem to take to traditions of his heritage, he does, of course he does. And he knows the history of his family, and that’s another motivator for him. As a minority he’s always had that extra stretch he’s had to sprint through in order to make it to the finish line, that extra little bit of weight society puts on him. He does identify with his ethnicity and is proud of it and wouldn’t change it if he could because it is so integrated into who he is as a person since his parents didn’t shy away from telling their kids about where they come from.  

2. The Demonologist: This is, of course, second because he has always wanted to be a Demonologist. It was his lot in life. It was his calling. It was the only thing that got him out of bed in the morning sometimes, that motivation to go to school in order to be called a Demonologist someday. He wanted it so fucking badly as a kid, as a teenager, as an adult. He worked his ASS off to get that title to call his own. But that’s sort of where the irony stands with him because while he might self-identify as A Demonologist he isn’t really. He’s just starting to do things within the field that matter. Like, he never faced a demon until the August of 2018 and even then he got his ass beat by them before passing out and missing the end of the fight and exorcism completely. He hasn’t made any major headway in the field, he is a year out of school, teaching, and really has nothing to show for himself. WHICH IS FINE LMAO, you don’t have to have that jesus Christ, but Mike is an over achiever who thought he would have the world by now. It’s important to him to tell people that’s what he does, he’ll say he’s a Demonologist first and that he teaches at the university second because he doesn’t think he’s going to stay there of course. He thinks he’s just biding his time, using the resources, and soon enough he’s going to make it big. He’s book smart. He is the kind of person who could read a book and be able to regurgitate the information for you later on. But...I think it’s the difference between someone who can cook and a cook. He can cook, sure, he can follow the recipe and it will be good, but he isn’t going to be able to make something that’s great or anything like that because he lacks the instincts to improvise or think, oh well this needs some garlic lemme just add some in real quick. No, he’s the person waving around the menu like, IT SAYS TWO CLOVES. NO MORE NO LESS!! Even though he COULD be that person, he could improvise, he just doesn’t have the brain that would think of the situation like that. ANYWAYS OFF TOPIC, basically what I’m saying here is that Mike thinks of himself as a Demonologist and in a way he is because he got the degree, he’s earned the title on a technical level, but he doesn’t have it in the way that he’s proven any of that to be worthy. MAYBE HE WILL, maybe he won’t, I dunno where his journey will take him. 

3. College Graduate: This is also something very important to him because academics is fucking brutal, and it wasn’t any easier for him. He didn’t come from privilege, he didn’t have the name that would help him, people didn’t like him. College was lonelier than high school for him because at least there he would make surface level buddies within classes because he saw them five times a week and would help them on their homework and cracked a good joke for them to laugh at so they would be civil towards him. And he also lived with his family, his two younger siblings were still there. He had people around him. In college? He had no one. And I think we all know how lonely college can be, how isolated it can make someone feel despite being surrounded by people. That was Mike. And then you have everyone in his classes shitting on him for being enthusiastic! Wanting to talk about what they learned in class! That kid who kept up with the readings, who always raised his hand, who debated, who asked those questions everyone is thinking but didn’t want to say, and who’s presentations were almost spotless. Which is fair, he was a goodie goodie try hard, but he also was that way because he wanted to prove himself to these people who rolled their eyes at him, not knowing that the reason they did was BECAUSE he was showing off. But he went on, he got good grades, a good GPA, did his papers and went to his labs, got a job in between, and did it all on his own. It was one of, if not the, hardest things he had ever had to do in his life. Because Mike is not one of those people who can glance at the notes and get a good grade, he has to study for hours, he has to go to the library until hell o’clock in the morning, he has to make flash cards and pretend to teach the lamp what’s what before he can get that good grade. So! Yes! He loves being a college graduate. He loves his degrees, and he loves when his parents tell people about him having a PhD. It FUELS HIM. !!!

4. Friend: This has been a long time coming, baby. MIKE WAZOWSKI HAS FRIENDS BITCH. I’m telling you, he loVES having friends. He loves BEING a friend. It makes him so! fucking! happy! He was a lonely soul with so much love to give and nOW that he finally gets to give it, oof. I know I’m supposed to be a writer or whAtEveR but I can’t articulate how warm it makes him feel, how fulfilled. There was always this hollow ache inside of him, wanting and waiting for someone, anyone, to just want to be around him for a change. I’ve probably said this before, but since he watched a lot of movies growing up he accumulated that rose tinted glasses way of looking at life. He wanted that best friend he could call/text at any time and know they would reply. He wanted someone to drive around with, to have movie marathons with, to have feels sessions with, or to just hang out and take a nap together. He had high hopes of finding that person. But he never did. 28 years and he still couldn’t say he had a friend. NOW LOOK AT HIM. HE IS THRIVING. And I would say this identity is of the utmost importance to him because he has always wanted to be a Friend to someone. Like?? Being able to be the person people call because they know he’ll be there for them without a second thought, or being that person who makes them laugh and be happy and not think about their worries for a minute, or if they WANT to think about their worries he is the person they call to talk about them with. He likes being there for people, he loves it so much. He loves being in people’s lives and making them happy and smile and laugh and ugh. Being a friend is his favorite thing, connecting on that level to someone just makes him feel fulfilled. If he hears people calling him their friend he will DIE. If he is introduced as, “this is my friend, mike!” he will DIE. It’s his favorite thing in the whole wide world and he constantly gets emotional about it. 

5. Professor: This is lower on the list for obvious reasons but is apart of who he is now. To Mike it’s just a starting point, though, he doesn’t think it will be where he will stay or a long term position. But he loves being a professor because he loVEs demonology! So being able to teach it is kinda like the second best thing to be doing, plus it gives him a place to do research and have access to resources and all that jazz. He likes academia so it’s not like it’s a hard ship to be there reading over essays or listening to the debates kiddos have in class. It’s also just REALLY nice to have a job, especially one as good as being a professor. He’s not proud of it yet, is the thing. It’s not what he leads with when people ask him what he does, he is a Demonologist. And then he is a professor.

  6. Nerd: I mean, I think he identifies as a nerd because. Well. He is. And he doesn’t see that as a bad thing. He is both a Nerd in the sense that he likes to study and read and learn and excel within those things and that he likes to watch tv, movies, play video games, read comics, spend hours on the internet reading Fan theories, and laughing at memes. And to the people who are like, “well fuck you that stuff is for kids, grow up!” he genuinely doesn’t understand why other people feel like they have the right to put other people down? Why must people tell big jokes to make other people feel so small? It’s STUPID and he is soooo far passed calling everything he enjoys ‘guilty pleasures.’ nah. They’re just things he loves and will die on that hill. Worrying about shit like that is just lost on him now cause, shit, liking superhero movies isn’t embarrassing, unless you take it too far then lmfao okay calm down fam no need to set fire to someone over a MOVIE, and thinking it is isn’t about embarrassment, it’s about being insecure. And as much as Mike IS insecure, that’s one of the things he ain’t. If people want to make fun of him for that, fine, yes, it will hurt him and his ego, but he’ll also be the one getting to watch Logan (2017) and weeping into the pillow or having a really interesting conversation over the what preference of Star Trek generation people have. He loves all that nerdy shit, he loves getting excited about movies! and new games! and watching panels and actors and b-roll and listening to podcasts and reading about media news, it makes him happy, gets him excited! And disappointed! Makes him angry and happy and sad beyond belief sometimes, but that’s what he loves about it, too!

[walterdehn3-blog]

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[worldoflis]

Fic Writer Tag

I wasn't tagged by name but @lilyvandersteen said any Klaine writer who felt like it could do it, and I'm feeling chatty, so there :)

How many works do you have on AO3?

I have published 7 on AO3, one of which is a collection of drabbles for the Summer Event that I still need to complete. The others are chapter fics, and are finished. I got one more chapter fic called 'Brothers' which was my first klaine fic that should still be moved to AO3 from FF.net, but I'm a little scared of rereading that, and it also feels a little weird posting a fic from 2012 in 2021 (though I did see the other day you can adjust the publishing date, so maybe I'll get to it still).

What’s your total AO3 word count?

271,452

How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

I've only ever written for Glee (I think...) - sometimes I think of branching out but there's just never any cast or pairing that fuels me enough to write. Or maybe I'm just conservative :D. So only Glee, and mostly Klaine and Kurtbastian.

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Considering I only have 7, this is basically everything, but there you go :D

California Boys This is a surfer!Sebastian story I just finished, and I... never realised it was actually my most popular story until looking it up just now. It's mostly just a fun happy-go-lucky story with some angst and pining because that's good for you!

Dancing in Moonlight Always funny if a sequel has more kudos than the first part in the series, but there you go! This is another Kurtbastian story, with an HIV+ Sebastian, trying to navigate their relationship as a sero+/sero- couple, when Sebastian's past comes back to haunt them. I wrote it for a Big Bang, and I rushed the epilogue because of the deadline, and I got A LOT of comments on it, not all good. And while I know I had a lot of fun writing it, and I worked very hard on all the parallels, I still have very mixed feelings about this fic.

The Danger inside of Me Another sequel that has more kudos than the first installment! This is a Klaine fic (the only one in the list, I realize now), with HIV+!Blaine. I know, it was a thing, I didn't intend for it to happen but there you go. As with DIM, it's a learning-to-navigate-the-relationship-with-HIV kind of fic.

Dream About Us Predecessor to DIM! Designer!Kurt and model!Sebastian meet and sparks fly. However, Sebastian has a secret... It's a 20k fic and I wrote this in a week or so - which is absolutely insane for me because I'm a very slow writer usually. I wasn't very productive at work that week, I have to admit...

I'll see you around, my love This is a companion piece to DIM, that I wrote to sort of address, in-universe, some of the comments I got on the epilogue.

Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

I used to, and I used to love it - and I do try to reply to new comments on new fic. But I'm an anxious person, and after the mixed feedback on DIM I have gotten very weary of negative comments, so for a long while I didn't, simply because I was too scared to even read them. And now I feel weird replying to new comments, when I haven't replied to the old comments, because what if the old commenters come back and see I replied on a new comment, but not on their old one?

But I spent half an hour today going through the comments on CB and replying to all of them, even the old ones, and it made me happy, so maybe I'll get inspired :)

What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

My endings are happy. My fics can get angsty always contain angst to some extent (esp. the Danger!verse ones), but my endings shall be happy!

Do you write crossovers? If so what is the craziest one you’ve written?

No crossovers as of yet, no.

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

Well, as I said, the DIM epilogue has received mixed reviews, and I was very much not prepared for that. But other than that I've mostly gotten just very lovely and encouraging comments!

Do you write smut? If so what kind?

I've written multiple m/m scenes. I don't like it too much, I tend to opt for a fade-to-black. But for TDIOM for example (with HIV+!Blaine), their having sex was just too important - it was a huge step so it had to be there and it had to be explicit. Other times inspiration strikes and I let it happen - but always in context of a longer fic, I'll never write PWP, it's just not my thing.

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

I... don't think so?

Have you ever had a fic translated?

If I have, they didn't tell me. I got fanart a few times though!!!

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

No, I don't think that would work - I'm a little too headstrong about what I want and how. I already drive my beta crazy with how hard it is for me to listen to her, let alone an actual co-writer :D.

What’s your all time favourite ship?

Klaine has always been my OTP, though unfortunately it's lost a bit of its appeal over the years. But dynamic-wise, I think Kurtbastian is probably a little closer to my heart.

What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

The only things I currently have unfinished are two advent challenges and this year's summer challenge... I'd like to finish them, but it's sort of weird? Like the moment has passed? But who knows, CB also took me seven years so there :)

What are your writing strengths?

I don't know. I asked my beta, she also doesn't know. :D (we're a little useless like that) I got a compliment today about my characterization, but I'm not sure - I like to think I'm good at dialogues, though?

What are your writing weaknesses?

I’m slow. Gods, I'm SO slow. And because it takes so much effort to get the words out, I'm always very reluctant to throw out stuff I wrote before, and I might try to change an entire outline just to be able to fit in that one scene that doesn't make sense anymore for whatever reason, but also it's a good scene so I want it in there!

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

It can add flavor to your writing, but like in cooking, you shouldn't overuse your spices. There's definitely ways to make it work - even if sometimes it fails hard. I would definitely recommend working with someone who is at least B1 in the language though :D

What was the first fandom you wrote for?

Glee! (though technically it was for Dalton, itself a Glee fanfic, so I don't know how that works)

What’s your favourite fic you’ve written?

That's a very hard question, and not just because most of my fic was written 7+ years ago, and I haven't reread them since :D. I loved writing Dream About Us because I was on such a high. I'm usually so slow writing but that fic came POURING out. Dancing In Moonlight was a very mathematical fic, almost, because it switches back and forth between present day and past day between chapters, with each chapter starting with the last sentence of the previous chapters - it required a lot of puzzling to get the parallels just right and I'm very proud of it. Plus I wrote an OC that was very well received. And then for the Danger!verse I got a lot of help from my friend who was an HIV-nurse at the time - but I first had to explain what fanfic is and why I needed all those details and that was a trip and a half :D.

So yeah. All of them :D

I’m tagging anyone because it hardly seems fair, but if anyone wants to continue my tradition of doing this one without being tagged, please tag me so I get to see it!

[jamiedodgerart]

the fade is a liar sometimes

aka, a really long post about how mal hawke survived dragon age inquisition. warning for big but kinda vague spoilers for dai and mentions of alcoholism

ok full disclosure i dont know how he survived the fade. but im thinking the nightmare like. didnt wake back up in time to block the way through the portal, and so never caused the Do I Kill The Warden Or Hawke dilemma. cos. that was kiiiiiiiinda bullshit. 

i had to pick between alistair and mal. and i really didnt want mal to be actually really dead bc at the time of here lies the abyss he’d be in a really shitty place, mentally, and i didnt want him to just! die! without resolving that! so i gave canon the finger and concocted a convoluted plan to give mal a better ending

background, after the events of da2, he ended up leaving kirkwall and fuckin’ around in the woods for a bit. i imagine he was helping refugees get out for a little while, until anders showed up and convinced him to help groups of renegade mages/circles on the verge of winning their independence. at this point he was pretty sick of the world at large, didn’t know what he wanted or where he was going to go next, and let himself be (guided? directed? pushed around?) by anders, drinking himself into oblivion and generally feeling like garbage. he fell out of contact with most of his remaining friends and began convincing himself that he was guilty for the explosion, by trusting anders (he’d suspected something was wrong with the ingredients anders was asking for and confronted him about it, but trusted him and helped him by distracting the grand cleric)

i rambled about this on my private twitter but mal and anders... ended up not being a great fit for one another and past me said it better than present me can

eventually, the inquisition came into being and grew in power. anders, still being a wanted man and mal too by association, avoided the inquisition’s patrols pretty easily. but stories started to spread about the inquisitor and his... particularly creative justice. see, pica really likes choices that have some poetic irony to them that also focus on rebuilding (he had alexius work for the mages, stuff like that), generally avoids executions, and is pretty chill with mages. the inquisition is also independent of any government, really, and is about as impartial as you can get in thedas. so when mal gets word from varric that corypheus is back, a problem, and something they need mal’s help with (that is also, in his professional opinion, his fault), he gets an idea.

he heads to skyhold, meets pica (who read the tale of the champion, asks varric questions about it constantly, was expecting a hero, and was not expecting the hero to be a depressed alcoholic) and iunno here lies the abyss happens with the aforementioned edit of no one important dying (i guess i could kill alistair and preserve a kind of important turning point in pica’s character with an added bonus of giving mal another thing to have survivor’s guilt about but i dont think i could go through with it. imagine the emotional toll. pica could get that change some other way anyway) mal by this point has gotten to know pica fairly well and has found what he’s heard to be true, and gives him a proposition

(i would like to add now that while ive read asunder, until i looked it up just now i didn’t remember where it sits in the timeline relative to da2, and it wasnt super clear to me just how much each of the two events affected the mage/templar war. so some text in sketches might be inaccurate, historically)

so you can imagine that anders is Pissed Off by this development, but justice is kinda like 

cos like. pica Is a real actual authority figure. who is down to dispense some quality justice esp re mages. and is coming at it from a “yo i know you meant well and you did kinda have a point but you also killed a lot of people so there does have to be Some kind of consequence of that”

(but neither of them are at all happy with mal turning them in)

anyway the trial ends up including a full investigation of the events in kirkwall, as well as the events at the spire (cole, rhys, and evangeline all give their testimony) and it’s more a straightening out of what was up with the whole start of this shitshow anyway, cos the confusion and misinformation about it is probably the worst part. 

pica finds anders guilty and sentences him to community service, which a lot of people disagreed with. pica thinks it was a GREAT IDEA though because that community service comes in the form of anders teaching the inquisition mages about healing magic!! something that anders is good at, loves doing, and can actually help people with!! why are we still fuckin about with herbs when there’s magic!!!!! this also has the added bonus of making mages less scary to the general populace- chuckin’ fireballs is a lot more alien and intimidating than healing up a broken arm, yknow? it can help mages seem more human and good for society than they were, separated from the public in towers.

anders is still a prisoner, though, which hes super not happy about, and part of his sentence is also that dagna gets to study him. he and samson are in grudging solidarity in the face of tolerating her extreme cheerfulness. and maybe he gets a cat too. i wonder if he and samson could talk about how shitty the chantry is re: lyrium addiction in templars? its obvs not on the scale of mage shittiness but it could be an interesting discussion

see in the grand scheme of things mal really didnt do all that much. he was duped by a lover into doing something he 100% would not have done if hed known what was actually going on. i feel like the most anyone could bust him on was aiding and abetting. and maybe helping hide an apostate. mal was found, as pica informally put it while distracted by looking at a transcript of a kirkwall templar’s testimony, “kinda guilty? just like. if ur asked to help blow up a chantry dont do it again” but cassandra elbowed him really hard and he said “look ok your sentence is, fuck, i dunno, work for the inquisition. what do you wanna do”

that was not what mal was expecting and he didnt have an answer. and pica looked at him and said “ill give you some time to figure it out, ok. just. take care of yourself, man. u look like shit” which got him another elbow, which he returned to cass with equal force

anyway. mal is now officially Not Guilty in the court of the law. which fuckin sucks bc that assessment does absolutely NOTHING to stop his shit brain from keeping being guilty about everything. so he tries to quit drinking, fails, and just has a rough time in general, while also sometimes visiting anders in prison. which probably really doesn’t help.

ENTER WARDEN-COMMANDER OF FERELDAN, MADRANA “MAD” TABRIS, AND HER PARTNER/GF/ADULT SUPERVISION EMMARIE “EMMY” COUSLAND

(you may also know mads as hester, as i called her in previous playthroughs. hester’s not a really elfy name and shes grown far enough away from her namesake that i felt a change was warranted. also emmy was created by @1500birds. i love her)

thats them (mads then emmy) so mad tabris, legendary fighter, unkillable blight-ender, bather in darkspawn blood, and general bottle covey is looking for a challenge. its been like ten years since shes had an actually hard battle to win and she’s near skyhold, and she’s heard that mal hawke, another legendary fighter, is also in the area. oh and some cadash guy. hes apparently good too. also, she’s looking for some way out of the whole grey warden death sentence thing. shes not keen on dying unless she’s killed, ydig, and apparently skyhold’s doing a lot of groundbreaking research these days

she and emmy swing on in to skyhold and finds that hawke is, well, a mess

important background. mads is not good at dealing with other peoples’ emotions. so shes not really equipped to deal with this. emmy, however, is kind, has nerves of steel, loves to help people, and is Very equipped to deal with this. and so the two of them adopt mal. (even though hes older than both of them.) 

theyve got really, really different ways of trying to help mal. emmy is a great listener, and understands survivor’s guilt and the lost-all-my-family brand of trauma pretty well. she helps him sort through all the shit that’s happened to him and offers a lot of support. and hugs. by god shes a hugger. also theyve got a symbiotic cuddling relationship bc emmy is always cold and mal is always warm, so they platonically nap together sometimes. mads is unfortunately too wriggly and pointy to be a good cuddler :’( she squeezes in the mix sometimes anyway though and it’s uncomfortable but nice

mads’s method of helping mal is in her area of expertise: getting out pent-up negative emotion by fighting. for a long time, mal has internalized a lot of shit, and mads is really good at annoying him into either yelling or punching out that shit. shes doing it out of concern for his well-being, she swears, and not because she takes joy in pissing people off. she does but thats not the point. it’s not a perfect strategy but it does help a lot

unfortunately for her, sometimes mal can be downright vindictive when drunk and angry, and can hit on the few things she’s insecure about

(i would really love to make a post about mads sometime, cos she ended up being a lot deeper of a character than i originally intended. i really just wanted a really sharp angry lady who fought with the subtlety of a brick to the face, and ended up getting that plus bravado covering up a whole host of insecurities. i feel like i should finish dao before writing it up though ahah)

(what mal said is also not totally accurate- mads cares very much for emmy. but yknow how when things get heated it doesn’t really matter if they’re really accurate anymore- they just have to be close enough to get a reaction, ydig)

anyway! the two of them together help mal get his life back in order- he cuts down and eventually quits drinking, starts taking better care of himself, and gets more of a handle on life. i guess you’re probably wondering where varric is, right around now. so am i mal pushed away a lot of people close to him after da2, including varric. but varric kept looking out for him (lying to cassandra to protect him, using his network of contacts to keep an eye on where he and anders were operating). when mal comes to skyhold i think he’d try to avoid varric out of guilt- yknow how when it’s been a really long time since you’ve talked to someone, and you know you should have called them back, but you never did, and they kept asking how you were, and you want to be in an actually good place before you call them back, but shit keeps happening, and it’s been like two years since youve said anything to them, and then you see them and do some serious acrobatics trying to stay out of their sight so you don’t have to confront their honest interest in your well-being that they have no right to still have after so long with no word from you, and you have to make it seem like you havent been avoiding them because that would be rude, and really it’s just easier to be constantly vigilant of where they are and make sure youve got plausible reason to be leaving casually yet quickly

well mal did that. emmy had to physically bar his way from escaping a room once when varric came in, and dragged him by the scruff of the neck to talk to him. varric was painfully understanding and ended up hitting it off nicely with emmy

so! someday mal gets a job. specifically, pica gives him one. because he still owes the world some community service. with his experience as a hunter and highwayman, he becomes a scout!

whoaaa color

more specifically, mal becomes a... specialized type of scout. some idiot who shall not be named but whose name sounds a whole lot like pica cadash gave him command of a small squad of scouts, heavier armored and armed than average inquisition scouts but not heavy enough to count as infantry soldiers. their job is to dismantle highwayman and rogue mercenary bands, in whatever way necessary. so! originally this was supposed to mean sneak attacks on their strongholds or whatever, but mal talked with him about his own experiences with crime (mostly that most people in his crew back then were in it out of necessity, and needed money to support family) and the squad kind of became. really heavy recruiters. it became kind of a joke that the inquisition would take anyone- and they would! practically any skillset could be used in an organization as big as the inquisition, and at this point it was still growing

like. barely any exaggeration here

so that’s where he is pre-trespasser! thank u for reading and if youve got questions or want to learn more PLEASE ask i lov my ocs and love talking about them

i want to add that in @1500birds‘s latest playthrough (miranda trevelyan, a pro-chantry mage cullenmancer) mal rags on cullen endlessly

that was supposed to be the playthrough where he survives the fade, but then bran realized that miranda would kinda hate mal and would 100% leave him behind