#and its back to being depressed and stressed out at work

[champawattigress]

Me: *gets one day off this week*

Also me: *spent the entire day sleeping*

[pansyfemme]

i have been a ball of depression lately as well as my physical health worsening pretty severly this past week due to stress and so my friends have been. trying so hard to get me to get out and do things and its very sweet but i feel bad because the whole time i’m just a total mess

[lacomandante]

.

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[ramblinseahorsey]

Me: Why r my adhd meds making me feel worse not better :( Also I am the meanest person alive I shall hide in my room and sleep forever from guilt

A few weeks later

*Gets diagnosed with Bipolar* OHHHHHHHH

[sepiasys]

I'm so scares of the volunteer roles due to lack of confidence 🫠

So the food serving thingy has two roles: cooking/prepping food, and writing orders and keeping track of who got food.

The first I'm not very confident in but would like to try eventually. The second one is compared to another kind of volunteer role, which is greeting ppls at the food bank and maybe serving stuff if requested and just helping ppl out in front of the building/outside. It says strong customer service skills are necessary for the role as well as being able to work with a diverse amount of ppl 🥺

And I would wanna do that if it's similar to the other one if it'll help me out, since the food serving thing is only two other ppl helping out the manager. But I have no experience with customer service and my social skills are SHOT! Also de-escalation and understanding of trauma are mentioned as helpful for the role 🥲 Idk if I'm good with de-escalation, best I could do was my family and even then they RLLY liked to NOT LISTEN to me when I gave em advice to calm down (like separating physically while they were both pissed off--I swear mom was rlly immature about it when I was trying to help my bro because HE IS A CHILD!!). And trauma. I mean I have *experience* but do I know how to handle **others** with trauma? No, no not rlly 🥲

Hhhhhh telling myself I just need to jump into it. Doesn't help that I watched a bartending video thing. Sink or swim. I'm so scared of sinking ;-; I'm scared of if they see me as pathetic and useless despite it being a volunteer thing!!

Fuck I just need to like. Work on the days that they're not serving ppl, not open to the public. So 3 specific days. And then I need to go from that to working on days that ARE busy, but I'm still not interacting with the public public yet. And then I need to ease into working with the public via the front of house roles. And then I can do whatever I want at that point ig-

God I want to start doing stuff now but I can't because I haven't been told if I need to do anything specific 🥺 I have shifts scheduled for after the event, bc it's in a week, and that's for the one role I feel like is probably rlly easy? Probably? And I just. Hhhh. The most info I have actually comes from a training video for a semi-unrelated role, bc it shows what I assume is made/left by the role I signed up for?

Hhhhh a lot. A lot is going on rn. A lot of serious planning and preparation and I'm trying really hard to not be a tight little ball of rubber bands (incredibly stressed out) about it. But it's hard not to. Especially when half of my stress comes from my roommate(s).

Fuck I just. Need to wait. Because that's what EVERYONE says. That things take time. I just need to wait for the time to do these things. Wait.

As if that hasn't been detrimental to me my entire life.

[arcane-vagabond]

.

[mainfaggot]

omfg

[tmpestuous]

someone to stay

summary: bucky offers you solace as your mental fatigue rears its head.

pairing: boyfriend!bucky x reader

warnings: angst, reader anxiety/depression, fluff, non-sexual nudity, a comforting buck <3

word count: 2.5k

a/n: this was inspired by my own issues right now because i definitely need it at the moment :’) 

Getting out of bed was always the most difficult part of your day. Even when you were feeling okay, even when nothing was immediately wrong. You would wake up and stare into the void, blankets smothering your body and eyelids still heavy from the bit of sleep you’d managed to get.

There wasn’t anything pressing your anxiety, but having been out of your routine for a few weeks always left you feeling unmotivated. After having been sidelined from missions for a multitude of reasons—injuries, mental stability, and a dwindling success rate—you had nothing to do. None of your side hobbies entertained you long enough to keep you busy, so you fell into the same cycle. You sometimes wished you could sleep all day or even just stay stagnant in bed, but you knew it’d only make the fatigue worse.

Today, however, was not one of those days where you pushed yourself out of bed. Not bothered to check the time, you closed your eyes again. It was raining outside anyways, the perfect weather to stay cuddled in bed for. Soon enough, you found some sleep again, even if you’d regret it later.

Bucky, who was not sidelined from missions, had just come back from one, more than eager to see you. He was back earlier than expected, so he only figured you wouldn’t be in your usual spot waiting for him in the hangar of the compound. It was a bit past noon, so he assumed you were keeping busy elsewhere.

After a quick debrief, he made it to your shared room, only to be led to confusion at the curtains still drawn and all of the lights off. He knew how much you hated sleeping in too late, only ever sleeping past 9 if you were really exhausted and/or hadn’t gotten much sleep at all. Even then, you never let it get past 11 before you were up and out of bed.

Bucky knew you were taking your suspension a bit rougher than expected. He hated seeing you upset and he was even willing to skip out on a few missions to stay with you, but you’d insisted otherwise, saying “the bad guys don’t take breaks.” 

He never liked leaving you. Most of your missions had the two of you together, SHIELD thinking you worked well together even outside of your relationship. Going on missions without you meant he was always stuck with some reckless, inexperienced agent who wasn’t half as skilled as you a lot of the time. It was why he only liked the ones where he was with Sam or Steve, at least not having to stress about saving anyone.

He missed you on every single one. Your quips, how satisfying it was to see you kick people’s asses, and how swiftly you did just about everything. But Bucky also knew you needed a break. Your anxiety was more rampant lately, and it was affecting all of your skills on the field. The decision to bench you didn’t come easy to anyone, but especially not you.

You honestly had little to no idea what had you so anxious to start with, but anything else that triggered your anxiety only amplified it. Bucky was so reluctant to let Steve suspend you, but after you got seriously injured on a mission for lack of attention, he couldn’t argue against it anymore.

“You can’t be serious,” you said to Steve, tears in your eyes. “I’ve been injured so many times, why does that even matter?”

“It’s not just the injury,” Steve countered. “You’ve been off your game. I can’t risk losing one of our best members because you’re distracted.”

“I’m not dis—”

“You being distracted is how you ended up with a broken arm and a head injury,” he cut you off, making you look away from him. “You’re gonna end up dead if you keep on like this. I can’t deal with that loss, and neither can Bucky.”

Snapping your gaze back at Steve, you scoffed.

“So this is about Bucky?”

“This is about you, Y/n,” Steve said, his tone slightly more irritated. “He begged me not to bench you, said you just needed some time but even he knows putting you on the field again is risking your life.”

Wiping your tears away, you said nothing in response. You knew he was right, but the last thing you needed was to give in. It’d make you crumble, it’d make this whole situation real and you knew where you’d end up. 

Your conversation ended when Bucky walked in the room.

It was the right decision after all. However, Bucky’s chest ached knowing how low you were feeling. Knowing that you were doing everything just to get by, yet nothing at all. He hadn’t seen you in a melancholy state for years, but it always scared him. He barely made it out of his own episodes sometimes, panic manifesting through his bones. His worry only worsened at the thought of not being able to pull you from the darkness, the way you’d done so for him many times. 

Seeing you under the sheets, sound asleep past noon didn’t settle Bucky’s own anxiety. He was out on this mission for eight days, but you’d sounded okay when you spoke to him over the phone every night. 

Were you not getting any sleep? Were you falling asleep really late? Or was your current funk really getting to you?

Bucky set his duffel bag on the floor, shutting the door behind him. He decided against opening the curtains until you were awake, sitting on the edge of the bed next to your sleeping body, placing his flesh hand on your cheek gently.

“Sweetheart,” he said, leaning down and kissing your forehead a few times. “Let me see those pretty eyes, doll.”

Furrowing your eyebrows before peeling your eyes open, you were greeted with your favorite super soldier, a smile creeping on your face.

“Hi,” you said groggily, Bucky kissing your forehead again. “You’re back early.”

“Got the job done quickly,” he fed your curiosity. “What are you still doing asleep, doll? Are you okay?”

“What time is it?” You said, still unmotivated to get up from your lying position. 

“Almost 1,” Bucky answered before your eyes widened and you sat up, frantic about how the morning got away from you. “Hey, hey,” Bucky placed his hands on your shoulder, easing the tension a bit. “It’s okay, there’s nothing wrong with oversleeping once in a while.”

You shook your head, avoiding Bucky’s gaze as you rubbed your eyes. “I shouldn’t have slept that long.”

Bucky pressed a kiss to your shoulder, then your cheek, then pulled your hands away from your eyes. The bags under them didn’t go without notice, Bucky getting more worried than earlier. He knew you weren’t sleeping well, and him not being here to soothe you must have made it worse.

“Is everything okay?” He asked again, never getting an answer from you.

You sighed. “I don’t really know, I’m just- I’m always tired and don’t wanna do anything even though I know I shouldn’t just stay in bed. I was gonna wake up early today to see if I could get moving but then I barely slept and thought a few more hours could be useful but now—”

“Shh,” Bucky said, pulling you into his embrace, rubbing your back softly. “There is still a lot of time left in the day, but I don’t mind sleeping this Sunday away with you after the mission I just had.” He kissed the top of your head a few times. “We can shower then eat and then rest. Sounds good?”

You nodded, with a muffled ‘okay’ into his chest before pulling away, Bucky standing and grasping your hand in his to head to the bathroom. 

Bucky turned the shower on, letting it run to get warm before turning back to you. After you helped Bucky take his tac suit off, he helped you shed your pajamas. The both of you took your underwear off, Bucky checking the water before you stepped in. 

You always enjoyed showering with Bucky, most after a mission when you were both tired. Though this was different since you weren’t the one coming home, the sentiment of being tired remained the same.

Bucky could tell you were tense, that something was still bothering you. He never wanted to pry, so he massaged the tension out of your shoulders, getting you to relax your posture a bit. You both worked your way around lathering each other with soap, your eyes doing their usual routine of scanning Bucky’s body for any cuts and bruises. Bucky decided to wash your hair, finding any means of making you feel relaxed. You sighed under his touch, leaning your head forward to rest against his chest as he rinsed your hair.

“Steve mentioned you going back on the field again,” Bucky eased into the conversation. “You feeling up for it?” Much to Bucky’s surprise, you shook your head, prompting him to lift your face in his hands. “What’s wrong, sweetheart? You know you can talk to me.”

Sighing again, you leaned into his touch. “I’m not ready.”

“I thought you wanted to get back,” Bucky furrowed his eyebrows.

“I do,” you nodded. “But I just feel so… out of it. Like my mind is out of fuel and it’s putting my body on pause. I have no energy lately, I don’t really know what’s wrong with me.”

Bucky looked at you, a hint of sorrow in his eyes. He’d been there, where his body was craving one thing but his mind just never allowed him to satisfy any of his desires. Depression didn’t always look the same, but he could tell when it was starting to consume you.

The restless nights, the fatigue, the lack of energy and motivation. It was a stark contrast to your usual, productive self. Sometimes Bucky would have to slow you down for doing too many things at once, so it pained him to see you not want to do anything at all. 

He decided right then and there he’d take a pause from any missions until you were okay. Until he could see the spark in your eye again, the pep in your step. The energy being revitalized.

“It happens, baby,” he reassured. “You’ve helped me through some of my funks, so let me help you out of yours, hm?”

“You don’t have to, Bucky,” you shook your head, but he shushed you, a chaste kiss placed on your lips. “I’m serious, you don’t have to pause your life for me. People still need help and I’ll get out of my fatigue stint eventually, so—”

“You know you’re not gonna convince me otherwise, right?” He shut you up again, offering you a smirk and another peck to the lips. “I would drop everything for you. At any time, on any day, at any given moment. You are my world, doll. If you’re not okay, then my world isn’t okay.”

“But what if they really need you—”

“They won’t,” Bucky grabbed the comb to detangle your hair. “Now come on, let me help you ease your mind, hm?”

Knowing you couldn’t say no to him, you turned so your back was facing him, Bucky smoothly getting any knots out of your hair. 

He knew how much you loved it when he did your hair, knowing the process was super long and you didn’t want to do it half of the time. When he first heard you complain about having to do it, he made you teach him your whole routine for whenever you were feeling unmotivated to. It was one of many things he eagerly learned for you, always wanting to pamper you. 

Feeling a bit overwhelmed over the fact that you had him back, here with you as he did everything in his power to clear your head from the anxious thoughts, you couldn’t help but tear up. 

When he finished detangling your hair, holding it up with a clip, he saw you crying, quickly pulling you in his arms, kissing you everywhere he could. 

“I’m here, sweetheart,” he said, leaning down to kiss your shoulder. “I’m not going anywhere.”

Once he let you return the favor of washing his hair, you made him sit on the built-in bench in the shower so you wouldn’t have to reach up the whole time. 

Bucky loved touching you, but he swore to everything that he loved your touch even more. Your hands were so soft and gentle, with each lather and rinse of his head.

“Your hair’s getting long again,” you said, running your fingers through Bucky’s brown locks, the length now passing his ear. “Are you gonna cut it?”

Bucky shrugged, his hands finding comfort in your waist as you stood in front of him. He placed a kiss on each of your hips then your stomach before looking up at you.

“Maybe, maybe not,” he answered before standing, kissing your lips again. He knew how much you liked his short hair when he first cut it, but deep down you loved his long hair too. You just never forced him to keep one or the other, knowing how many memories his hair held.

Bucky loved how well you knew him, how well you understood him. It was the main reason why he took his time to do the same for you.

Once you were both out of the shower and dressed, Bucky picked up his phone to order some food. You’d told him you were craving Chinese the night before on your phone call while he was away, so he ordered all of your favorites as you finished drying your hair in the bathroom.

After eating dinner, Bucky slid under the covers of your shared bed, extending his metal arm for you to grab as you slid in next to him. Your head found its usual spot on his chest, both of his arms encasing you in the pressure you sought so many times, your left leg over his right one. 

“Thank you,” you said softly as Bucky rubbed your back just the way you liked it. “For never judging me.”

“I would never plan to,” he said, using his right hand to lift your chin up. “We’re human. We have our moments where we need a break, a reset. You taught me that when I needed to hear it. Don’t think that it excludes you, my love.”

Leaning up, you pressed your lips against his in a soft kiss that said more than enough. 

Pulling away, you looked into those blue eyes that meant the world to you.

“What would I do without you?”

“Force yourself to do your hair routine every week,” Bucky joked, making you roll your eyes playfully with a smirk.

You pressed a kiss on his chest before laying your head on it again. “I love you.”

“I love you more, doll,” he said, massaging your scalp to soothe you until you fell asleep.

Bucky could watch you be this peaceful forever, vowing to spend the rest of his days making sure you were okay. He always knew you’d return the favor, enjoying every moment spent with you like this, comforted best in his arms.

[inkskinned]

you were raised in comparison.

it wasn't always obvious (well. except for the times that it was), but you internalized it young. you had to eat what you didn't like, other people are going hungry, and you should be grateful. you had to suck it up and walk on the twisted ankle, it wasn't broken, you were just being a baby. you were never actually suffering, people obviously had it worse than you did.

you had a roof over your head - imagine! with the way you behaved, with how you talked back to your parents? you're lucky they didn't kick you out on your ass. they had friends who had to deal with that. hell, you have friends who had to deal with that. and how dare you imply your father isn't there for you - just because he doesn't ever actually talk to you and just because he's completely emotionally checked out of your life doesn't mean you're not fucking lucky. think about your cousins, who don't even get to speak to their dad. so what if yours has a mean streak; is aggressive and rude. at least you have a father to be rude to you.

you really think you're hurting? you were raised in a home! you had access to clean water! you never so much as came close to experiencing a real problem. sure, okay. you have this "mental illness" thing, but teenagers are always depressed, right. it's a phase, you'll move on with your life.

what do you mean you feel burnt out at work. what do you mean you mean you never "formed healthy coping mechanisms?" we raised you better than that. you were supposed to just shoulder through things. to hold yourself to high expectations. "burning out" is for people with real jobs and real stress. burnout is for people who have sick kids and people who have high-paying jobs and people who are actually experiencing something difficult. recently you almost cried because you couldn't find your fucking car keys. you just have lost your sense of gratitude, and honestly, we're kind of hurt. we tell you we love you, isn't that enough? if you want us to stick around, you need to be better about proving it. you need to shut up about how your mental health is ruined.

it could be worse! what if you were actually experiencing executive dysfunction. if you were really actually sick, would you even be able to look at things on the internet about it? you just spend too much time on webMD. you just like to freak yourself out and feel like you belong to something. you just like playing the victim. this is always how you have been - you've always been so fucking dramatic. you have no idea how good you have it - you're too fucking sensitive.

you were like, maybe too good of a kid. unwilling to make a real fuss. and the whole time - the little points, the little validations - they went unnoticed. it isn't that you were looking for love, specifically - more like you'd just wanted any one person to actually listen. that was all you'd really need. you just needed to be witnessed. it wasn't that you couldn't withstand the burden, but you did want to know that anyone was watching. these days, you are so accustomed to the idea of comparison - you don't even think you belong in your own communities. someone always fits better than you do. you're always the outlier. they made these places safe, and then you go in, and you are just not... quite the same way that would actually-fit.

you watch the little white ocean of your numbness lap at your ankles. the tide has been coming in for a while, you need to do something about it. what you want to do is take a nap. what you want to do is develop some kind of time machine - it's not like you want your life to stop, not completely, but it would really nice if you could just get everything to freeze, just for a little while, just until you're finished resting. but at least you're not the worst you've been. at least you have anything. you're so fucking lucky. do you have any concept of the amount of global suffering?

a little ant dies at the side of your kitchen sink. you look at its strange chitinous body and think - if you could just somehow convince yourself it is enough, it will finally be enough and you can be happy. no changes will have to be made. you just need to remember what you could lose. what is still precious to you.

you can't stop staring at the ant. you could be an ant instead of a person, that is how lucky you are. it's just - you didn't know the name of the ant, did you. it's just - ants spend their whole life working, and never complain. never pull the car over to weep.

it's just - when it died, it curled up into a tight little ball.

something kind of uncomfortable: you do that when you sleep.

[starryinkart]

Hey everyone! Its the final 50 minutes of the moments before the premiere so I wanted to post this in tribute to an awesome show that has completely started to change my life!

Back in 2021-2022, I had gotten the Pilot of the show on my FYP SOOOOO many times I can't even count it anymore, and I was SO busy with the Dream SMP, and the stress of trying to completely put art behind me as a potential career due to family abuse that I felt so numb in life. I had been forced into things for money by my caretakers and they only saw my art as a way they could leach off of me and make money, so I was in a state of depression and freeze mode!

Then at the beginning of 2023 I finally caved in and watched pilot, and I was in love with the show the characters, the world! Then I watched Episode 2 and 3 and fell even more in love! I started to draw again and I started to get out of that depression! I started to make friends, join projects, become creative again and be genuinely happier! I moved away from toxic family, and harnessed my creativity instead of them crapping on it and trying to keep me trapped. I made Murder Drones Absolutely, Murder Drones Totality and now Absolutely is getting a series (all which Im still going to to be working on)! I've learned and improved on my art so much and became better and happier as a person!

I have a feeling this show changed the trajectory of my life in so many ways that I can't even understand yet, and I know it sounds cheesy, but thankyou for being that change to I needed Murder Drones, and thankyou to Liam Vickers and Glitch Productions for making this awesome show!

To the future of indie animation everybody! <3

~ Starry

[nmakii]

somewhere in the crowd, there’s you.

— happy birthday, @itoshiluvbot. sweet sixteen, but you’re sweeter than fiction.

— celebrating your birthday alone was pretty depressing, but sae decided to surprise you.

part 2 in the sae fic? heh.. chat, this might be it.. IM NOT GAY I SWEAR!!!!! HUGS AND KISSES XOXO ps: j cant stop ending my sae fics the same way its so addictive but also so lazy

you knew that your boyfriend’s job caused him to travel a lot. he’d be all over in italy, america, and even japan, competing in different leagues. and even when he was in spain, he’d always be training.

it was hard to work with, but he made it worth it

stress the fact that it’s hard to work with. what with him always being busy, the media always trying to get into your business, sae’s own emotional constipation, and the hard work of just being a generally functioning person, your relationship with sae was… strained, to say the least.

you couldn’t deny the fact that you love him— that’s more than just fact. and there’s no doubt amidst journalists that sae is truly infatuated with you, what with his off-handed mentions to how you use the delicate touch of your thumb to wipe off a bit of egg caught on his lip when the two of you cook breakfast in the morning together. or, the way he listens intently to whatever it is you’re rambling about again; how the paparazzis stalking another one of your dates perfectly captures the sight of sae’s cheek resting in his palm, fighting back the urge to smile at the way you talk with your hands.

there was just no denying it.

but while it all was true, you couldn’t help the inkling feeling you had. that small part of your heart that wishes that you had a normal boyfriend with a regular job. you always felt guilty whenever you wished for it, but you always wished that sae wasn’t a football player at times.

“amor, ill be back in a week. the embassy is taking a while to renew my visa…” sae sighs through the facetime. by the looks of it, it’s about 7 PM in japan. it looks as if the temperature is almost subzero from the look of the snow that falls on sae, melting and dampening his reddish-brown hair.

unlike there in japan, it’s only noon. and while it is cold outside, the warm kiss of the spanish sun shines bright on the surface of barcelona.

“a week..?” you frown, “but, ah… my birthday’s in 2 days though…” your eyes trail away from the camera. sae’s eyebrows crease at your disappointment— he can hear your little heart breaking, even while he’s continents away. “i know…” his downturned eyes show his evident disappointment. “i’ll send you ten thousand euros, and buy yourself something. okay?”

“ten thousand euros..?! sae, that’s way too much!” your widened eyes yell out to him. “it’s your birthday gift. and considering that it’s supposed to make up for my disappearance, it’s not enough.”

you’d try to argue with him about it, but you’ve already known sae long enough to learn that it’s easier to accept his gifts, rather than fight him over it. “i… alright…” you sigh in surrender, “but, you really don’t have do all of this.”

“but i want to.” is all he says back. “so, just accept it, okay? treat yourself to something nice, amor.” he smiles.

“i wish i could be in japan with you, sae…” you sigh, a big pout visible. sae only hums and responds, “i know, but it’d be a hassle for your work schedule. i shouldn’t bother you to travel with me.”

his reasons are solid enough, but it doesn’t stop you from being upset. sae can see it in your face, so he tries to fix it. “hey, what about… i take you to japan during the off-season? ill even take you to mt. fuji.”

his offer sounds quite enticing, and it gets you out of your slump. “really?” you smile. and he nods back, “really. i promise you. so, stop frowning. it’s not a good look on you.” he teases, yet still in his ever so flat tone, it’s hard to tell he’s joking.

the rest of your call isn’t too different from all your other long-distance travel calls, you call him until sae has to go to sleep. and, you leave the call feeling slightly disappointed. stupid embassy… keeping sae in japan on your birthday…

you roll your eyes from the thought, before a notification catches your attention. it’s from your cash app.

“YOU HAVE RECEIVED €15,000 FROM S*E IT***I”

‘happy birthday, amorcita. i love you, i’m sorry. 💗’

your jaw is slack from the egregiously large amount of cash, not to mention the fact that he added in an extra five thousand euros. but when sae tells you to spend his cash, you can’t tell him no. it’s something he won’t accept.

the next day; saturday, came about, and you went out on the town. a hang out with all your friends, going about and doing whatever, and spending the €15,000 sae had generously given you.

the day ended by 11 PM. your friends had insisted that you hang out until your birthday at 12. but without sae, all you really wanted was to be alone. maybe if you were lucky, you could call him before the clock strikes.

your luxury apartment felt sadder than usual. your basket of laundry on the table, waiting to be put away. sae’s arrangement of soccer cleats and rubber shoes by the front door, as well as the awkward space by the door in which his luggage typically fills. you miss him.

you take a shower, and change into your pajamas. 11:43… should you stay up? you might as well, it’s only about 15 more minutes.

you waste some moments scrolling on tiktok in the dark. until that constant flashing from the window start to annoy you. your complex is filled with tons of celebrities, so it’s not a surprise. but, it’s still annoying nonetheless.

you move to the window, thinking ‘oh, great. who is it this time?’. you internally roll your eyes at the swarm of paparazzi’s blocking your view, until you see who it actually is.

sae?

but, he was supposed to be in japan, right?! he can’t legally be in spain..!

you put on a cardigan, and run to the elevator. waiting to reach the bottom felt like forever! you anxiously paced the enclosed space, wondering if it was really sae, or if what you saw was even real!

when the elevator door finally opens, you’re greeted with sae who was impatiently waiting for the elevator. his frown suddenly ridding itself from his face when he sees you.

“so, you were the one holding it up.” he scoffs, his accusatory tone holding no actual malice. and you didn’t know what else to do, but just hug him.

the hug wasn’t expected, but it wasn’t unwelcomed either. he paused for a moment to process, before reciprocating your hug. his left hand resting at your waist, the band of his watch pressing itself on your back, while his right hand cradles the back of your head with his soft palm.

his posture softens as he rests his jaw on your head. he raises his left arm to check the clock on his watch. it’s 12:00.

“happy birthday, amorcita.” sae mutters, kissing the crown of your head. your phone starts blowing up in the pocket of your coat, all of your friends greeting you happy birthday. but, the only greeting that mattered right now was sae’s.

“…thanks.” you mumble back. the hug lasts for what seems forever. all of the subtle movements or gestures being a silent ‘i missed you’ or ‘i love you’

and, when you finally pull away, you notice that there’s a strange lump in sae’s team jacket. sharp and edged, you can’t help but wonder what it is.

“you said you wouldn’t be back in until next friday..! why are you here?!” you question. sae looks to the side, not even trying to hide the cheeky smirk on his face. “i.. lied. the embassy renewed my visa just in time. but, i wanted to surprise you.” he admits.

“huh..?! for what..?” your eyebrows scrunch, trying to comprehend the mysteriousness of his words. “…it might be too early for that. but, i promise you’ll know in time.” he promises.

“for now, this’ll have to make up for it.” he opens the width of his suitcase, and reveals the treasure of gifts he bought for you. a big stand-out being the large, traditional incense holder. it looks to be made of tin, as well containing a miniature replica of mt. fuji’s view.

he seems to have noticed that you saw the incense holder, so he says, “i can’t exactly bring you to mt. fuji right now. so, i brought mt. fuji to you.”

the line was incredibly corny. nothing sae would typically say. it was such a bad line, you started laughing into your palm. “hah..! were you waiting to say that line?”

“…” he pauses, hesitant to answer.

“…just a bit.” he admits, and that’s the punchline that really gets you to laugh.

you grab on to the suitcase, trying your best to stabilize yourself, but nothing you do can stop the tears of laughter dripping from your tears ducts.

sae notices your tears, the redness of your face from laughing too much, the wrinkles in your shut eyes, and the way your lips strains to contain your smile— and is a victim to that funny feeling in the pit of his stomach of butterflies; the lump in his throat being swallowed and caught in his heart as it attempts to stretch and make way for all the love he has for you. it spreads like a wildfire to the rest of his body as he has the urge to hide his face in embarrassment

sae was never the type to get nervous or embarrassed. but everything hit different when he was doing it in front of you. at games, he’d abandon his midfielder post and try to score his own goals in order to show you how capable he was, and on your first date, he wore his sunday’s best and brought roses. and now, when you’re clinging to his suitcase for dear life, red in the face and tears in your eyes, laughing at his expense, he’s wondering how he got so lucky.

a girl who’s willing to stick with him even when it’s hard, and a girl who balances out his no-nonsense temperament with her fun-loving and charismatic personality. he’s serious about you.

he knew it from the moment he picked out that ring for you.

a pink diamond engagement ring, a gold band gracefully enclosing the diamond in its center, and both your’s and sae’s initials delicately carved on the inside. it was perfect for you.

but with your busy life, and sae’s schedule, he knew that now wasn’t the right time. he’d probably have to wait a few more years, when you’re both ready.

his train of thought is stopped when he notices you’ve gotten up from his suitcase, and switched to grabbing on to his shoulders, and cry-laughing into his chest.

“…it’s not that funny, don’t laugh…” he huffs, frowning like the sore loser that he really is. “it’s not..! but, it’s funny cause you said it..!” your body shakes with laughter, and it makes sae pout more than he already had.

he sighs, letting you laugh freely, subtly moving his jacket pocket to the side and making sure that your body doesn’t feel the sharp edge of the engagement ring box, a sable black velvet casing the box which contains your ring.

“right…” he frowns, his nostrils flared from frustration.

your laughter finally ceases, and you move to kiss sae, a feeling he’s missed. the soft plush of your lips pressing against his, and your hand below moving to intertwine with his as his other uses his thumb and index finger to lovingly pull your face up. oh, how he loves you.

when you finally pull away, his eyebrows scrunches in annoyance. but manages to soften when you run your hands through the short silky strands of his hair.

“i love you.” you whisper to him, and he smiles. “happy birthday, amorcita. now that you’ve had your fun with your friends, i get you all to myself now, right?” he asks, hopeful in his tone.

you giggle at his question, but nod nonetheless. “yeah. today, i’m all your’s.” to which sae hastily moves to kiss you once again, leaning over to press the elevator button.

the kiss catches you off guard, but once the elevator doors open again, he pulls away. “good. i didn’t plan on letting you sneak away from me today.”

his hand resting at your waist pulls you forward into the elevator with him, and pressing the button to your floor. you lean to rest on his side, checking all the messages from your friends. while sae looks down and simply admires you.

how he’d go to the ends of the earth to return to you couldn’t even be described with the most detailed of words in the world. every day in japan that he’d wait for that damned jeweller to complete the perfect ring for his more than perfect girl was as if his skin was on fire. sure, japan was his home country. but how could he think that any other place is home, when he’s got a girl on the other side of the world waiting for him to return?

he turns his head, and he can see your thumbs rapidly moving to text your friends. and his heart warms and twists, seeing what you’ve texted…

OMG HE LIED TO SURPRISE ME

IM GONNA SRSLY MARRY THIS MANNNN 😻😻😻

and though to sae, it sounded like a joke; another one of your unserious declarations, you really meant it.

even though it was hard, he made all of it worth it.

[honeytonedhottie]

what i learned during my reflection period⋆.ೃ࿔*:･🧖🏽‍♀️🎀

as you may or may not have noticed, i've been hiatus for most of the month now. and i disappeared because of personal reasons, and one of those reasons being that i felt i needed to reflect. here are some things that i've learned and realized during my reflection time.

this is quite personal to me, but i wanted to kind of have a heart to heart with you guys and im sure that someone is probably struggling with what i mention in this post so i hope this is comforting...💬🎀

WHY I FELT STUCK IN MY LOA JOURNEY ;

i was literally doing the most and it felt like such a chore at the time. i would force myself to affirm in ways that felt unnatural, i was letting myself get bullied by the 3D, even though i KNOW i dont have to do a thing. i was putting way too much effort in the wrong way.

WHAT'D I DO ABOUT IT ;

i took a step back and RELAXED. i did what felt natural again and enjoyed manifesting again and because of that i've had success story after success story...💬🎀

DOING A SELF AUDIT ;

i wanted to take a second and expose toxic behaviors and patterns that i noticed i exhibit and that have started to affect not only my physical but my mental in a very very negative way.

i'd been struggling with regulating my emotions and managing them so i was a walking ball of stress 💀. a beautiful ball of stress but stress nonetheless. i just felt so stuck.

WHAT'D I DO ABOUT IT ;

i went through the motions and after having a total meltdown and doing a bit of journalling i released everything, giving myself a completely clean slate once more.

i did a bit of a refresh and did miscellaneous things to make myself feel like im starting again. things like self concept work, changing the theme of my phone, taking an everything shower + bubble bath, having a pinterest makeover and getting a trim on my hair.

i forced myself to drink more water, and go for long walks not only to get some sunlight but to get my heart pumping and push myself out of the depressive rot that i had been in for months internally, but had pushed itself out as soon as summer started.

THE DEATH OF A SITUATIONSHIP ;

i got really attached to this boy 😭 but he was such a piece of work. like he did that hot and cold shit, but i rly rly liked him so i ignored the obvious red flags. but i got to a point where i just felt used and embarrassed. upon further reflection i think i didn't wanna let him go because he was so fine 💀, like 6'5 muscular kind of fine.

no matter how handsome a guy is if he has an ugly personality or if he just treats u badly then hes not fine at all...💬🎀

WHAT'D I DO ABOUT IT ;

i went no contact. thats like the easiest way to get over someone i think lol. i went no contact and i just manifested better things for myself. like being asked out by a bunch of guys and wingstop to comfort myself 🧋

also i focused on what i got out of the whole thing. i got the redirection that i wanted, PLUS i was filled with inspiration for my song writing.

SONG RECOMMENDATIONS ;

i want war (BUT I NEED PEACE) - kali uchis

eternal sunshine - jhene aiko

let you go - clara la san

needy - ariana grande

AT THE END OF THE DAY ;

i wanted to include this section as a reminder that everyone goes through shit. things happen. its okay to be affected by it and its okay to be sad. the most important thing is to not dwell on it too long. remember that you are not a victim and remember how amazing you are BECAUSE YOU ARE. you are amazing and no matter what happens, regardless of anything your gonna be okay and your gonna be in a much better place, it starts with putting one foot in front of the other...💬🎀 (love honey)

[whatudowhennooneseesyou]

𝙎𝙩𝙖𝙮

Pairing: Bang Chan x fem!reader

Content Includes: smut, angst with a happy ending, praise, mentions of depression and reader being sad, needy and dominant Chris, dacryphilia, begging, oral (f receiving), nipple play, unprotected sex, possessive sex (because it's chris duh).

Requested by: My beautiful moot @ja3hwa requested 'angsty sex where Bang Chan takes care of sad reader' and boy did I deliver...I am fucking proud of this one.

Word Count: 1.7K

Disclaimer: 18+ only and this is just for funsies.

Chris was scared of losing you and his heart clenched at seeing your lifeless eyes around him. 

You were tired, you were in pain, your spark was fading from living a life of work and no play and he can’t fucking fix it and he should- he has too. 

The relationship was on its hinges and he became consumed at the prospect of it ending and he can’t let it, he won’t let it. 

The words fail to leave his mouth, too stressed and confused to verbalise what he really wants to say. 

That he can’t function without you, he can’t cope, fuck he can’t even breathe if you’re not around him. 

So what can he do? 

He gives, he gives what he can, he gives his body and soul, he’d give his life force if it meant he was the reason you were happy again. 

‘Can I have you tonight? I know you’re tired but you don’t have to do anything, I just want to worship you and care for you’. 

You nodded and gave him a sad smile and while you would’ve usually said no because you had showered…you could see the desperation in his eyes and it set heat in your body. 

He wanted you, craved you, burned for you. 

‘Make me happy again’

And that was enough, he practically pounced on you as he crawled on top of you and his body was BURNING…wearing nothing but black briefs as you felt his warmth sear into your skin. 

‘I love you so much’ He groaned between messy kisses, his plush lips covering yours as he pried his tongue into your mouth…claiming you as his arms frantically ran down your body, pushing your t-shirt up so he could run his hand across the planes of your naval. 

He pushed the t-shirt over the head, leaving you fully nude except your panties and running his eyes down your body, taking the image in, his heart clenched and cock aching in his briefs. 

‘I love your body, you have no idea how beautiful you are to me’

He could see the flush in your cheeks and he knew you were going to say something dismissive as you began to speak. 

Hot and warm lips moulded over yours, silencing you as he rubbed your shoulders, pulling away and staring down at you with warmth and something much darker in his eyes. 

You couldn’t figure out what. 

‘I don’t want you to talk tonight, I just want you to listen, I want you to feel’. 

Hasty and open-mouthed kisses were trailed down your neck and collarbones, sucking your skin between his teeth so it left a slight mark-his mark on you. 

Chris worshipped your body, kissing and sucking on your nipples, pushing his face into your sternum and smelling your scent as he grinded against the core of your panties…smirking at your whimpers and sighs. 

The praise warmed your heart and made your throat churn, holding tears back as it felt like he was devouring you with his love- like he had a point to make. 

‘I love your soul, love how it’s mine, love how my soul is yours babe.’

‘It’s always been yours, I breathe and live because of it’. 

Nimble fingers hastily pulled your panties down your legs and onto the floor, his body almost trembling with how he needed to be inside of you, needing to feel you wrapped around him. 

His strong hands held your hips down as his tongue lapped over your clit, the pillow you were laying on forming the perfect angle for him to suck and lick your sadness away. 

The muscles in his arms flexed as he pushed your knees towards your face, hitching your hips up so he could lick deeper, suck harder, his fingers gently stretching and curling inside of you…pressing against that one spot he’d known would make you twitch and moan. 

‘I know your body more than I know my own’ 

His cock throbbed as he looked up at and saw your glazed eyes and reddened cheeks, a stare he sure mimicked as well except for your cum and slick glazing his nose and cheeks and his swollen saliva-stained lips. 

‘Who will pleasure you if not for me? Who would care for you like I would?’ 

Your scent in his nose and your hands gripping the sheets, the pride he had in knowing he was at fault for your orgasm…fuck he could have came untouched in his briefs. 

He nuzzled his face against your inner thigh as he pulled his fingers back, wiping your cum and his spit on the warmth of your skin. 

‘Off..off..off’ He heard your murmur and felt your hands clumsily pull at his waistband, gently removing your hands before standing up and eagerly removing his briefs. 

Chris stared at your body as he lightly stroked himself, watching you spread and adjust the pillow underneath your hips, watching your eagerness for him. 

‘Do you want this as much as I do babygirl? Do you want to be with me?’ 

The question wanted answers for many different things but your nod and breathy pants of enthusiasm were enough for him to approach and hover over you, his body shielding you from the drudgery of life. 

Your body folded into your favourite position- both yours and Chris’s which was your legs wrapped high around his waist and your hands wrapped under his shoulders, his broad thighs supported by the pillow under your hips as he braced himself with his left hand, his right positioning the tip of your cock at your entrance. 

‘Because I want to be with my baby foreve-ahh!’ 

His body shuddered as he entered you slowly, inch by inch as he wanted to take his time to feel your hands clutch at his skin, to hear your moans as his cock nestled in your tight, warm and throbbing cunt. 

The beauty of Chris in this moment was enough to take your breath away, you never told him why you loved him on top of you because you knew he wouldn’t believe it but it was because you could gaze at him just as much as he did with you. 

His skin glistening with sweat, brow furrowed, veins taut in his neck, his curls dangling over his eyes, bottom lip clenched between his teeth and fuck- he had your soul in the palm of his hands and he didn’t fucking know it. 

Chris lowered his torso and braced his weight on his forearms as he began to slowly pull out before thrusting back into you at a languid pace, watching your body relax as you adjusted to him- like your body was never fully prepared to feel him stretch you the way he does. 

‘Give in to me’ 

His hands cradled your face as he kissed you feverishly, possessively as his tongue claimed your mouth, licking your tongue, your palate, the back of your teeth..everywhere. 

A thread of saliva joined you two as he pulled away, his hands trailing down your arms and your thighs as he bent your knees further towards you. 

He pulled himself higher up on the bed as he grinds and circles his hips, his tip pressed against your g-spot and pelvic region grinding against your clit. 

( I googled and this is apparently called the ‘coital alignment technique’ where there’s less focus on thrusting in and out and more focus on grinding up and down. 

Basically less slapping and more writhing- can someone comment down below and let me know if this actually works?). 

If by the way your hips drove up against his and your body tightening around his- Chris could tell you were getting close. 

His pace quickened as his hand fisted gently in your hair and cradled your face in his neck, the staccato of his voice broken and heavy with the exertion. 

‘Don’t give up on me…don’t give up on us…just HAH! Give in to me, give me your problems mmmh! Give me your pain and I’ll take it from you…I’ll carry it for you…you just have to believe in me-’ 

His desperate words were cut off as your body trembled underneath him, your cunt clenched around him as you hit your peak of bliss, your eyes closing and breathy gasps leaving your mouth. 

You felt his movement slow down above you and your eyes were filled with tears at how gravelly his voice sounded, how you could feel his love through the flex of his muscles and the warmth of his presence above you. 

‘Keep going Chris…please keep going…want you to cum for me’ 

And that was enough for his self-composure to finally snap as he leaned back in and kissed you messily, his hands roughly grabbing your wrists and pressing them down in the sheets as he thrusted eagerly and hell-bent on chasing his own orgasm. 

‘You’re mine baby’ 

His moans became more broken, husky and dark as his voice revealed how tethered he truly was to you, tears in his eyes and throat clenched as his fingers tightened around yours. 

‘It is my purpose to protect and care for you, I am nothing without you, my life is meaningless if you’re not here with me, I can’t-’ 

You heard Chris’s voice crack as he spoke, a dry whimper leaving his breath as you felt his chest seize and tears stain your neck. 

‘I can’t breathe if you’re not here with me…I just can’t…I need-’

His voice broke as his hips staggered and he released inside of you, his body quick to collapse against yours and release your hands, instead using them to rub gently at your sides as he pressed gentle kisses against your neck and shoulders. 

You felt his shoulders shake and a few muffled whimpers against your neck, hoarse and raspy like he was struggling to keep them in. 

‘I need you to just stay with me okay? I’ll make you happy…I promise’. 

A tear rolled down the side of your eye as you kissed his cheek and ruffled his hair, knowing full well that he meant it and he meant everything tonight. 

‘I’m staying Chris…I’ll always stay for you’. 

I wouldn't say this is toxic but it's probably not healthy either??? It just leans heavily into Chris's caregiver complex and let's be real, he would totally be like this.

I have been comissioned to do another Chris fic but I will release that after I release my Jongho fic.

Stay tuned for this month's smut analysis and Jongho fic, thank you for your support.

Please reblog and comment the hell out of this post because I cried my eyes out while writing it.

Taglist: @scuzmunkie @marievllr-abg @umbralhelwolf @starsareseen @lino-jagiyaa @mischiefsmind @mrcarrots @junieshohoho @partywithgyu @whatsk-poppinhomies @craxy-person @hologramhoneymoon @gyuhanniescarat @staytinyinmybpack @necessiteez @wooyoungmybelovedhusband @berryberrytan @laylasbunbunny @bangchanbabygirlx @i-love-ateez @anyamaris @krishastumblernow @hexheathen @michel-angelhoe @northerngalxy @justaaveragereader @ja3hwa @lyramundana @wolfakira @youre-alittle-taste-of-hell @silentreaderthings @daddysspecialdollyworld @abby-grace @smilefordongil @wisejudgedragonhairdo @writhingwrecked @hongthoven @torialefay

[thanosscross]

Round and round, we go - Choi Seung Hyun/T.O.P x Reader 2/?

Summary: After Seung Hyun ends up ghosting you for days, you finally let him know how he's been making you feel, ending with a deep conversation with your new best friend

Warnings: Slight mentions of depression, other than that, none lovelies! <3

You wouldn't hear from Choi Seung Hyun for almost a week, after your last interaction, leaving you to yourself to work on fixing up any tears or frayed ends on his coat, and burying yourself into work. You didn't do anything big or spectacular like Seung Hyun, you were a tailor/dressmaker for a small dress shop in your hometown, fixing ripped clothing and dresses, altering tuxes and wedding dresses, and fixing school dance dresses, it wasn't anything big, but you liked it and it made you happy.

As you walked into work one morning, you weren't expecting to be so busy, with the shop itself being busy, and you being pulled onto the sales floor to help pick dresses for brides and teens, and your appointments for alterations and fixes, plus walk ins for you to do, you were about to pull your hair out. As you rushed into one of your tailor rooms, you tried to take a deep breath, your phone buzzing with a text that interrupted you 'Coat boy: How're you today? working hard?' You sighed, not being able to hold back a smile as you read over Seung Hyun's message. Replying back that it was busier than ever and you were out of coffee, you slid your phone back into your pocket, making your way back out to your client, who was being more difficult than ever. The stress was never-ending though, as soon as you got your client out of the shop, you had another walk in, and your office phone ringing "Hello? Beauty's bridal and dress, what can I do for you?" You asked, trying your best to keep an upbeat tone as your new client stood impatiently in front of you, tapping her foot as she held her daughter's prom dress. "Hi, I wanted to see about coming in to get a small tear sewn?..What time would be best?" The voice asked, you pinched the bridge on your nose between your finger tips, of course it was another call-in, glancing at your calendar you sighed, deciding to give up your lunch break for the day "Yea um..just stop in around two, and ask for Y/n" You replied sweetly before hanging up, looking at your customer, directing them towards your workbench, so you could see what needed done.

As soon as what was supposed to be your lunch break hit, you sat on the spin platform in one of the private tailor rooms, you didn't use them often, mainly just for tuxes, you had a bigger room with more mirrors that was recently built, so you tried to use that, just so it was easier with the bigger, puffy dresses. Hearing the bell above the shop door ding, you felt like you wanted to either explode with anger, or cry, all you wanted to do was eat and go home, maybe get a call in with Seung Hyun before you had to go to bed, instead you were working a double with no lunch break. Standing up to greet your client, you were relieved to see Seung Hyun shyly walk into your office "Hi, sorry for calling in...I just..I have a show tonight, and I kind of..tore that one pocket you added on for me" He explained shyly, scratching the back of his neck as you both moved to sit at your desk, you just smiled at him, letting your head fall on the table. "Are you okay?..Is now a bad time?" He asked softly, reaching a hand out to grasp yours gently "More than okay, I thought you were another customer, and instead it's someone I can relax and be myself around" You sighed, turning your hand to hold his out of instinct, as you stood up, you took your hand, motioning him into the platform as you picked up some of your sewing supplies, that you'd need.

"Thank you for this, I really appreciate it" He smiled softly as you tied off the thread, securing the pocket back in its rightful place. "Of course, we can't have T.O.P on stage with ripped clothes, unless intentional" You giggled, patting the pocket slightly before handing the coat back to him proudly "It's on the house sir, I'll happily fix anything you bring me" You smiled softly, squeezing his shoulder as he blushed "I'll keep that in mind, y/n" He smiled softly, giving you a tight hug before sighing "I do have to get going though, I promise, I will call you after my show though, unless you want to come?" He smiled softly, pulling away from the hug, sliding his hands down from your shoulders to your hands gently "I'm sorry, I really am, I have to stay till nine tonight, and then come back at eight tomorrow" You frowned softly, going to grab his other coat from your office chair "Did you want this back though?" You asked, offering it to him shyly, he just shook his head smiling brightly "No, No, keep it, Aein, I'm sure we'll see each other soon" Seung Hyun laughed softly, pressing a kiss to the top of your hand before disappearing out of the shop.

You'd end up staying up late that night, waiting for a call from Seung Hyun, only for it to never come, growing frustrated, you'd send him a goodnight text before going to sleep for the night. You wouldn't hear from him again until three days later, whenever he'd show up to your work, his hood pulled far over his face as he darted for your office, hoping you wouldn't have any customers. As his eyes fell on you, he felt himself relax, until your gaze towards him turned harsh and icy "Who do you think you are? You're leading me on, do you realize that? I understand, you're famous, and you're a busy guy, but I have feelings, so it would be nice to know if you're sweet like this with all of your fans, or if this is going anywhere" You ranted, at first, you liked the 'Enjoy what it is, don't make it complicated' mindset, but the way he was with you, and the fact that you had people actively asking you out, you felt inclined to decline their offers, choosing to stay committed to whatever you had going on between you and Seung Hyun. "I-I'm sorry...I just-..Did you mean what you said...when you said you'll happily fix anything?.." He whispered, fidgeting with his hands and rings as he shifted his weight from one foot to the other, you stopped, thinking about how you'd want to reply, you could just brush off your frustrations, or tell him to just leave. Sighing as you ran a hand through your hair, you motioned for him to get onto the platform "What's ripped this time?" You asked, grabbing your needle and thread, stopping as he just stood in his place "I-I think I need fixed" He whispered, his voice shaking as he spoke, his gaze glued to the floor as you slowly approached him. "Seung Hyun...What do you mean?" You asked softly, holding his arm gently as you led him to sit down on one of the benches in your office, sitting down next to him before you spoke again "Seung Hyun, I don't think you need fixed" You whispered, taking his hand in yours, caressing his knuckles with your thumb as he sniffled. "I-I panic..all of the time, I'm supposed to be an idol, and yet, I'm scared of big crowds swarming me" He ranted, you were quick to cut him off "Choi Seung Hyun, hush. You can't control that, and it's okay, everybody has their own mental stuff going on, what's important is, you take care of yourself, you don't need fixed because of those things, nor would I be able to do it, but..I can help you..talk you through whatever you need" You whispered, squeezing his hand gently as you finished speaking, Seung Hyun couldn't speak, he couldn't trust his voice as tears built up in his eyes, pulling you into a tight hug as he tried to hide that he was crying.

You didn't care, you just wrapped your arms around him tightly, resting your head on his chest "I thought I had made you upset, or angry" You whispered after a moment, feeling him pull back away from you as he wiped his face quickly "No! You could never, Aein, I just..Didn't want you or anybody..to see me like this" He whispered, you just smacked his arm gently "Choi Seung Hyun, Are you serious? I'm hurt, I thought we were closer than that" You huffed, watching as he tried to hide the soft smile that was growing on his lips. "I just-" He tried to explain, but you cut him off "I know, it's okay, I'm not actually mad" You giggled before tilting your head slightly "Did you need something fixed, or did you just come here to find me?" You asked as you stood up slowly, Seung Hyun watched you closely, he wasn't exactly sure why he came here, he just knew, whenever he was around you, you made everything feel less scary and bad, and that's he needed right now. "I just...wanted to come apologize..for...leading you on?" He questioned, trying to remember your wording from earlier, causing your face to heat up with a blush "O-Okay, well, that was before I knew, that you just needed a minute to yourself" you protested, smiling as you heard him chuckling softly "It's okay, I just, I want to enjoy what's going on with us, I'm not sure if I'm even in the right headspace for that, so..if you want me to back off, and just be a friend, I won't be upset, I'll understand" He explained, holding your hands gently as he tried to calm his nerves "Seung Hyun, I have turned down six guys, and two girls, in the time we've started talking, I'm not just going to walk away now, I'm having fun with you" You smiled, cupping his cheek gently "Thank you..Y/n.." He whispered, pulling his hood off slowly as he started to feel the hold, his racing thoughts had over him, loosen. "Anytime, Jagiya, have you eaten at all tonight? I'm sure they wouldn't mind me heading out an hour or two early, I can order us some takeout?" You offered, smiling as his eyes lit up "Of course! I'd do anything if you're included" He smiled, causing a blush to rise to your cheeks, you just shook your head giggling as you grabbed your (His) coat and your purse, before leading Seung Hyun out of your shop, clocking out on your way out of the door.

Whenever you got to your apartment, you shyly picked up your dirty laundry from the floor "Sorry! These double shifts really take time away from cleaning" You apologized sheepishly as you made your way to the kitchen, trying to find the takeout menu, you were just using the other night. "You're okay! I promise! I don't mind it" He smiled softly, after you managed to finally order takeout and eat, you were left laying on the couch with Seung Hyun, your head on his chest as his arms were wrapped around you tightly. "So you turned down eight people, just for me, while I wasn't answering?" He asked in shock, trailing his fingers up and down your back as he waited for a response, you just hid your face quickly "Yes, But I didn't want to be with them anyways, they weren't the type of people I'd want to spend my time with" you replied shyly, Seung Hyun just laughed softly at your remark "So who is?" He asked playfully, watching as you giggled, rolling on your back playfully "So I'll tell you because we're best friends, but personally? I like the men who are taller, but not by much, deep voice, colored hair, sweet, kind" You playfully listed off, watching as Seung Hyun laughed "You're just describing me!" He laughed, throwing his head back as you continued "they can rap, they're breathtakingly handsome, they're silly, they know just the right thing to say and when to say it, and they're always worrying and caring about their friends and family" You smiled softly, looking up to meet his gaze, Seung Hyun was watching you in awe, your words causing his stomach to flip and flutter. "So basically, me?" Seung Hyun laughed shaking his head, you just turned to face him, resting your chin on his chest as you looked at him "Yes so basically you" You giggled, smacking his arm playfully "You're just better than anybody I've ever spent time with" You added on, smiling at him, watching as he blushed "You're too sweet to me, y/n, I don't know what I've done to deserve you" He whispered, pressing his lips to your forehead "You went through a lot, so let this good thing happen" You giggled, raising his eyebrows, Seung Hyun laughed "You are the weirdest person I know" He chuckled, you just smiled, taking his remark as a compliment as you sighed "I'm serious, you deserve good things, even if you didn't do anything in order to get them" You whispered, leaning up gently to make eye-contact, trying to stress how serious you were.

"Okay, Okay, right now I just want to hang out with you" He chuckled, watching as you glared at him playfully "Fine! Hang out with me" You laughed, resting your head on his shoulder, you laid in silence for awhile before finally Seung Hyun spoke up "Y/n? Do you ever...feel like kissing your friends?" He asked, deep in thought, you just broke out into giggles as you shook your head "No, Seung Hyun, I don't think I have, until I met you" You laughed, your hands coming up to cover your face, Seung Hyun just grabbed your wrists gently, pulling your hands away slowly "Can you read my mind? Or did you just say what I was thinking?" He asked, trying to hide his smile, you just blushed brightly, giggling as he leaned closer to you "So..?" He whispered, leaving his hand resting on the back of your neck as his gaze flicked between your eyes and then your lips "If you want to kiss me, Seung Hyun, you don't have to ask" You giggled, pressing your lips to his as he smiled, placing your hands on his cheeks as you pulled away smiling "See? No need to ask, not you" You giggled, watching as he smiled looking away, his cheeks lighting up with a bright blush, You just laid your head on his shoulder again smiling "See? Best friends that kiss" You giggled, trying your best to sound like a surfer from America or Australia, Seung Hyun couldn't really tell. "Y-Yea, best friends that kiss" He smiled softly, wrapping his arms around you again sighing, While he wasn't exactly ready for a solid real relationship, he knew you were special, and he knew as soon as he was ready to take that step, you'd be the person, he'd want to take it with. You were loving, caring, sweet, selfless, thoughtful, and the way you were so understanding of him not being ready for something serious, but still showing you loved him, really had him questioning now, what he did to deserve somebody as understanding and amazing as you.

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What do we think lovelies? I'm trying out a new trope with this series! So let me know what you think of the trope with someone not being ready for a relationship but loving someone anyways, and said someone being supportive and loving that person regardless. Excited to hear from you!! <333

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Taglist!!

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@seunghyunwifey

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[aventurineswife]

Aventurine with a workaholic Reader who is usually pretty sturdy, but becomes more prone to exhaustion and illness during colder weather. (Like, sure, seasonal depression and all that, but especially with Reader not just mentally but also physically.)

Aventurine noticing Reader being swamped with work the past few weeks (even pulling more than just a few all-nighters) and one night, he comes home and finds them passed out on the couch, maybe slightly feverish and definitely not at all budging when they’re usually a light sleeper.

Softened by Silence

Summary: Aventurine notices that his partner has been pushing themselves too hard, working through the nights and risking their health. As their exhaustion worsens, he finds them feverish and vulnerable, lying on the couch in their shared apartment. Concerned and protective, Aventurine stays by their side, offering care and comfort in a rare moment of tenderness. Though he would never admit it, his feelings for them go beyond strategy and games—he genuinely cares, and for once, he is willing to let go of his calculating nature and simply protect them.

Tags: Aventurine x Reader, Hurt/Comfort, Protective Aventurine, Vulnerable Reader, Exhaustion, Tender Moments, Caregiving, Slow Burn, Emotional Vulnerability, Character Growth.

Aventurine's office was the usual mix of grandiosity and chaos—papers strewn across the table, an ornate glass of whiskey reflecting the faint glow of the dim lights, and a faint smell of burned cigar that lingered in the air. Yet, nothing seemed to capture his attention tonight. His sharp eyes were fixed on the ticking clock on the wall, its rhythm beating in sync with the unease settling in his chest.

He had picked up on it weeks ago—how you had been pushing yourself harder than usual, working through the nights as if there was no end in sight. A familiar and, to him, unsettling trend had emerged: your exhaustion had grown more pronounced, your once-constant energy dwindling with each passing day. As much as he reveled in games of chance, this wasn't a gamble he was willing to let you play alone.

The weather had gone colder, biting at the skin with a chill that seemed to creep under the warmest layers. For you, this meant something more than the simple discomfiture of seasonality; it took tolls on your body and mind. A change of season meant heightened weariness, and that didn't just settle in your head but seemed to sink in deeper in your bones. As much as you could push through it, your immune system was giving in, leaving you more vulnerable to sickness day after day.

The stress of your work had only amplified it. He saw you for days—really, weeks—as you burned that candle at both ends, risking your health to meet and exceed deadlines and expectations. The long hours spent in a hunched position around your desk, fueled with coffee and ambition, slowly took their toll, which you didn't let surface, hiding well behind the stoic determination that you always carried.

But tonight, it had reached a boiling point. Aventurine went back to your shared apartment after another grueling round of meetings, his brain still reeling with figures and strategy. As he entered, the silence greeted him first—the absence of your presence, the murmur of your voice, or the clicking of your keyboard.

He narrowed his eyes as he walked further in. The dim light in the living room was flickering, and there you were—slumped on the couch, curled up on yourself, the faint sound of your labored breathing filling the room. You never were one to sleep through anything, let alone this deeply.

His heart skipped a beat as he approached you, eyes scanning over your flushed face. You were feverish, barely moving, curled up around yourself protectively, in a futile attempt to ward off chills. The sharpness, the composed look on your face, was nowhere to be seen. Only exhaustion, one that seemed far too heavy for you to bear.

He stood there for a moment, letting it sink in. You had pushed yourself past your limits, and now, it was clear that the universe had dealt you a hand you couldn't outwit. You were a force to be reckoned with, but even the sharpest of minds sometimes needed to rest.

Aventurine let out a quiet sigh, his eyes softening as he dropped to his haunches beside you. His hand hovered over your forehead, checking for the familiar warmth of fever. His fingertips brushed against the heat of your skin, and for a moment, his mask cracked—his usual confidence faltering in the face of your vulnerability.

The usual playfulness in his eyes had dulled, giving over to something deeper, almost protective. He reached down for the blanket that lay on the floor and then gently pulled it over you, handling you with fragile care. His eyes hovered on you for another beat, his mind running over a million different strategies in his head, none of which seemed appropriate for now.

"You always do this," he muttered softly to himself, his voice tinged with both exasperation and concern. "Always pushing too far. Never letting anyone help."

You didn't respond—of course you didn't. Your feverish state left you too far gone to notice, too far gone to argue. But that didn't stop him. He carefully adjusted your position, lifting your head just enough to place a soft pillow beneath it. The comforting touch of his fingers brushed against your skin, a gesture that was almost tender, though he would never admit it.

Aventurine sat beside you, never once looking away from your face as he loosened the tie at his collar, the tension of the day slowly draining from his body. His mind reeled with thoughts, but none of them were work-related. For once, the games and risks didn't seem so important.

He leaned back against the couch, watching you closely. "You’re no good to anyone when you’re like this, you know," he muttered under his breath. "You’re not invincible, as much as you like to pretend otherwise."

But in between the two of you stood a silence, comfortable, yet somehow awkward. The strategist that Aventurine was, he just couldn't help but ask himself what game you played with yourself by pushing the limits of your own capacities. But the truth is, you were more than just a pawn on a board. You were somebody he cared about, regardless of whether he said otherwise.

His eyes softened as you stirred slightly in your fevered sleep. The vulnerability you rarely showed was on full display now, and it unsettled him in ways he couldn't explain. He wanted to shake you awake, to tell you to rest, to stop being so damn stubborn. But instead, he remained silent, letting you rest.

Night kept stretching on, yet his watchful eyes didn't blink. Evening chills crept in, and for once, something that he could not vanquish with a well-timed strategy or even the right bet. This time, he would remain by your side—not as a calculating strategist but simply because he refused to let you face this alone.

Tomorrow would come with its demands and the cold realities of their world, but tonight, Aventurine would protect you, even if it meant taking a gamble on something far more valuable than any game he had ever played.

And for once, he didn't mind losing.