#and it's scary it's fucking terrifying and I don't know what the fuck I'm doing and all I am doing is spiraling really badly
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lucyvaleheart · 6 months ago
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punkrockisafulltimejob · 3 months ago
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Bleh
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babisawyer · 5 months ago
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I've been over halloween in general thanks to 'valloween' and 'summerween' and y'all being incapable of moving on from literally anything...but we're coming upon the time where I have to see tiktoks of white girls going to spirit halloween to buy their little boring twink boyfriends ghostface masks to proudly announce to everyone how kinky they are and I've had it.
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snootlestheangel · 5 months ago
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Drowning out my feelings with Dr. Pepper, falling back in love with Silence is Golden But Consequences Are Red, and thoughts of Mother Hen Wolf Shifter!Ghost
*rant in the tags if y'all want*
#i have been having entirely too many feelings lately#and not a time nor place to cope#I have been having far too many conversations about the future and it's starting to make me freak out#this aquarium trip was supposed to help me answer the questions I had about what schooling/degree I would need to be an aquarist#all it did though was make me realize that being an aquarist may not actually be right for me#which now means I don't know what I would be going back to school for#which sucks absolute ass because I miss being a student. I miss that freedom and I miss learning#i miss being a college student so badly actually and I honestly regret dropping out. Like I did before but now#I always told myself it was for the best cause it's better than failing a semester and tanking my GPA#but now I've been stuck in this horrible depressive cycle and feeling so fucking burntout I can barely function half the time#now I don't have any time or energy to do things I love let alone do some self learning#I currently don't see any point in going back to school cause I don't even know what I would go back for and it's fucking scary#all of my siblings have had major things happen and are progressing on with their lives#and like I get i'm barely even in my twenties and I shouldn't be panicking this badly about my life#I feel like half of my troubles are self inflicted even though they're really truly not#but I can't help but feel I've doomed myself and my motor functioning is worsening#my executive functioning is down the fucking toilet and I can't fucking fix it and it's upsetting me#but god i just had a birthday this past week and about three years ago when I started college#I really believed I'd be in a much different place at this age than I am now#and it's scary it's fucking terrifying and I don't know what the fuck I'm doing and all I am doing is spiraling really badly
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running-in-the-dark · 1 year ago
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I've gotta go to the dentist again tomorrow. I got two fillings done on Thursday but they feel really rough and it's hurting my tongue (plus my brain doesn't stop noticing something like that so I'm constantly aware of it and it's exhausting), so I've got to get that fixed.
this time I have to drive myself, so I can't take any Lorazepam. I'm pretty sure it's gonna be a quick visit anyway, at least this kind of thing has never taken long in the past, so. it should be fine, I know that. but I feel so shitty anyway. it's like the anxiety/fear is there right below the surface but it can't quite come out (probably thanks to the anxiety meds) so I just feel off all day. it sucks (though I much prefer this over the actual anxiety, that completely ruined the days leading up to anything like this).
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fragglerockopinions · 9 months ago
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The worst thing about suffering is that it still hurts when the danger is over but no one cares about it anymore because it shouldn't hurt. No one will ever say "I'm sorry that happened to you" especially when they barely say "I'm sorry that's happening."
#Okay to tb btw all the personal stuff is in the tags#Like. Not eating for a week because you couldn't get groceries hurts#and people will say 'oof sorry that's happening' but then#after you're able to get food no one will ever say 'I'm sorry that happened' even though you think about it and hurt from it constantly.#No one will ever say ':( that must have been so hard' because you're fine now right???? No psychological damage there?????#This example is stupid but I do think about it every time I feel hungry. I told people I wasn't able to get groceries#and there was no food in my house. And they said. Oof.#Instead of idk Oh God Are You Okay ??#No one cares when you've been abused your entire life and behave the way you do out of genuine terror because your brain is fucked forever#They don't say 'I'm sorry that happened it must have been really scary to turn you into Such An Asshole. I pity you like a dog :('#Speaking of man everyone loves fucked up abused terrified dogs and wants to be the one who makes them open up#And shows them that people can be good and kind and that touch doesn't have to hurt#But everyone is scared of fucked up abused terrified people#Humans are capable of harm even more than dogs and fear is understandable but.#Can you please call me good boy and shush me and tell me nothing's going to hurt me and let me curl up on your lap#And not hit me if I get scared and start to growl and feed me good and take me on walks and play with me#Even though I'm not very fun to play with and I'm still learning what's fun and what's mean and what's a toy and what's a hand#Plleeeaaase don't be jealous of a dog that doesn't eat good don't say 'tch he's so thin what am I doing wrong'#I want to eat good and grow and gain fat and be warm and be comfortable I don't want this#Don't say 'if abused dogs don't eat good then I don't deserve to either' no no no no eat good so you can take care of us both#Please please please I learned so many tricks to make people happy and call me smart but I don't actually know how to do anything I'm#Literally like such a stupid dog it takes me like one day of no one paying attention to me for me to become un-housebroken#I make a lot of mistakes even though I know better or I really should know better#And sometimes do things wrong on purpose to get attention either yelling or showing me how to do it right#But most of the time I genuinely don't know how to do stuff because I was never taught or I was taught and#My previous owners said 'this is how it is. It is this way because it is and it is forever. The answer is Because.'#'now quit asking repetitive questions before I pop you'#If I do something Because and not know the reason why I'm doing it that's not learning that's acting#Especially habits taught specifically to hurt me and not being allowed to question it or know why I'm being hurt#Oh my god I acted out so much when I was younger and all my friends were so disgusted and hurt by me and yelled at me every day
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rustycottoncandy · 1 year ago
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Welp anxiety ain't behaving quite nice at all this year so wish me luck today
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cutiepieautistic · 2 years ago
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I'm no ornithologist, but i feel like every chicken deserves a wide,open space with plenty of safe areas to move around in and play (mess around with puzzles,that sort of thing. they probably need a lot of mental stimulation too! ) and eat so they don't get over crowded, and safe spots to retreat to when they need to calm down or mate and roost/nest(i mean, i know chicken sex is probably weird like it is with most birds, but i feel like they would appreciate the privacy and safety. I've been around plenty of chickens. they're generally sensitive animals that deserve more respect.), or be quarantined if they've come down with something or have been injured. they seem to do much better that way,their quality of life seems to improve greatly in captivity when people practice better husbandry with them. of course, different variants of chickens have different needs I'm sure, but it's something I've observed often. birds deserve so much better than to have their intelligence be undermined and be treated like shit,which is unfortunately rather common in today's world.
#text#idk man i just really fucking love birds. i love them even if they hurt me. they probably don't understand#besides they usually only hurt people if you accidentally startle them or if it's how they play or they're not socialized properly#they need to be more accustomed to people and physical affection#and sometimes animals just weren't meant to be petted or hugged or kissed and we should respect their boundries.#how would you like it if a big scary weird looking thing did that to you? you probably would be just as freaked out.#imagine being in their shoes. i would be fucking terrified if i were a bird or somd other nonhuman animal and a human touched me#I've been hurt like once or twice by q bird because they both didn't understand how sharp their talons are and how that hurts me#when they perch or hold my fingers. they don't do it on purpose lol#you know how lizards will grab onto your fingers but not exactly sit on you? that's what it's like. it's like he's shaking my hands.#there's my neighbor's bird kai and them there's little foot.#kai likes to hold my hands.#little foot like to perch on me. he's less rude but a bit more shy. kai REALLY likes me#sorry for the typos as always I'm still blind and have poor motor control so typing and reading is hard for me. whoops#long post#ramble#like why can't we all treat animals better and as the unique gifts from nature to be preserved and loved like they are? why not try better?#they deserve to be raised and die humanely and be protected in the wild from manmade natural disasters and just left to do their own thing.#be nice to nature or it won't be nice to you. you know what i mean?#do y'all ever cry thinking about animals. i do. a lot#they're so precious man.#no RB'S for this one because i feel like people would be weird or mean about this lol
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redshiftsinger · 1 year ago
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what the fuck what the fuck what the FUUUUUCCCCCKKKKK
What are dead man walking tornadoes? :O
it’s a multi-vortex tornado. i dont remember the tribe it originates from (i think it was cherokee), but there’s a native american legend…? saying? that goes “if you see a man in a tornado, you are about to die.”
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the most infamous shot of a dead man walking tornado hit jarrell, texas in 1997
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it did so much damage to the town it caused the scale that tornados are measured by, the fijita scale, undergo revisions, and it made anchoring buildings in the tornado alley region pretty much mandatory. (it took the entire town off the map. only those who had taken shelter outside of the town or in underground bunkers survived.)
two more examples of dead man walking tornadoes looking like a person are a tornado from 2011 that hit cullman, alabama
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and a tornado from 1975 that hit xenia, ohio
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#this may seem an over the top reaction if you do not know -- and I don't think I've told anyone this specific detail before actually#not out of secrecy or anything just it didn't seem like something that added much to the story when I've told said story more broadly#I used to have chronic nightmares about tornadoes#I knew almost nothing about tornadoes! I didn't seek out info about them! I knew basic tornado safety that's it#and like. The stereotypical images of funnel clouds. Wizard of Oz.#but my kiddie brain generated LITERALLY ALMOST EXACTLY THAT FIRST GIF as the most terrifying of those nightmares#like I'd have ones where I'd hear the funnel but see nothing and then my house would be smashed to rubble#I'd have ones where I'd see a stereotypical funnel too and all of those were scary#but the ones that would actually wake me up screaming were the ones where the tornado had legs and was stomping toward me#and I'M CERTAIN I HAVE NEVER ACTUALLY HEARD OF THIS PHENOMENON EXISTING IN REAL LIFE BEFORE#I thought my kiddie subconscious completely made it up!#mashing up tornadoes with giants as 'scary things that can kill you' or something#'what's scarier than a tornado? oooh I know! A tornado with LEGS!' like that sounds fucking ridiculous right??#anyway I've told people I used to have nightmares of tornados but not the 'it has legs sometimes and that's the scariest one' part#that sounded dumb to me so I never really brought it up bc at this point I've spent like thirty years thinking it was random brain junk#so I reiterate: what the fuck what the fuCK WHAT THE FUUUUCCCKKK#anyway that's your Obscure Redshift Lore for today
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shihkas · 3 days ago
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Reading the coping with anger chapter in the workbook and I'm. 😖. had a pretty violent breakdown yesterday and it hurts to read about persecutory parts right now. I feel like I can't reason with ours at all. And all of the suggestions about identifying anger in the moment just don't feel like they apply to me. I can't identify it until it's too late because I'm not allowed to feel angry. By the time a fight part comes to front it's way too late to do anything or take preventative measures. I just have to deal with the fallout.
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anaalnathrakhs · 2 months ago
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literally the worst person alive 👍
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lucyvaleheart · 10 months ago
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david-watts · 3 months ago
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'it'll get better' how do I describe that it really does not
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sensitivegoblin · 9 months ago
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Is there anyone religious in the kink space?
I'm a Christian and I need to vent/get comfort cus I dunno what's wrong with me I'm dissociating so much and have so much anxiety and my head won't stop spinning about things
My dad says it's just anxiety hitting my body after being sick but I wish he could see inside my brain just to make sure I'm scared kinda :(
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mrfoox · 11 months ago
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Me, barely clinging on mentally: no I am, OK haha, it's not so bad you know? Yeah I'm fine
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inkskinned · 1 year ago
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what is with men being mad any time a woman raises her voice where did that even come from. someone posted a video of a small electrical explosion, and the top comment was of course the woman screams. the second comment is women try not to scream challenge, level impossible. i had to go back and watch the video again. there is, somewhat fainty, a little gasp emitted off-camera, more of a yelp than a scream. it is mostly lost in the crack of the explosion. afterwards, you hear her voice, shaken, say, are you okay?
i am helping one of my friends train her voice pitch lower, because she wants to be taken seriously at work. she and i do each other's nails and talk about gender roles; and how - due to our appearance - neither of us have ever been able to be "hysterical" in public. we both appear young and sweet and feminine. she is cisgender, and cannot use her natural voice in her profession because people keep saying she appears to be "vapid". we both try to figure out if our purposeful voice lowering is technically sexist. is it promoting something when you are a victim to it?
a storm almost sends a pole through a car window. in the dashcam, you can hear the woman passenger say her partner's name twice, crying out in alarm. she sounds terrified. in the comments, she is lambasted for her lack of calm. how is that even fucking helping?
in high school, i taught myself to have a lower voice. i had been recorded when i was genuinely (and righteously) upset; and i hated how my voice sounded on the phone speakers when it was played back. i was defending my mom, and my voice cracked with emotion. it meant i was no longer winning the argument: i was just shrieking about it.
girls meet each other after a long summer and let out a little joyful scream. this usually stops around 12-14, because people will not tolerate this display of affection (as it has the effect of being passingly annoying). something about the fact that little girls can't ever even be annoying. we are trained to examine each part of our lives (even joy) for anything that could make us upsetting and disgusting. they act like teenage girls are breaking into houses and shrieking you awake at 3 in the morning. speaking as a public school educator: trust me, it's not that bad, you can just roll your eyes and move on. it does not compare to the ways boys end up being annoying: slurs in graffiti, purposefully mocking your body, following you after you said no. you know, just boy things.
there's another video of a man who is not allowed to yell in the house, so he snaps his fingers when he's excited about soccer. the comments are full of angry men, talking about how their brother is unfairly caged. let him express himself and this is terrible to do to someone. eventually the couple has to address it in a second video: they are married with a newborn baby. he was trying not to wake the infant up. there is no comment on the fact women are not allowed to yell indoors. or the fact that it could have been really alarming or triggering for his wife. sometimes i wonder if straight men even like women, if they even enjoy being in relationships with them.
for the longest time, i hated roller coasters because it always felt inappropriate and uncomfortable for me to scream. one of my friends called me on it, said it was unusual i'm so unwilling. i had to go to my therapist about it. i don't like to scream because i was not raised in a safe situation, and raising my voice would have brought unsafe attention towards me. even when i am supposed to scream, it feels shameful, guilty. i was not treated kindly, so i lack a basic form of self-protection. this is not a natural response. it is not good that in a situation of high adrenaline - i shut up about it.
something very bad is happening, i think. in between all the beauty standards and the stuff i've already discussed - this one feels new and cruel in a way i can't quite express. yes, it's scary and silencing. but there's something about how direct it is - that so many men agree with the sentiment that women should never yell, even in an emergency - it feels different.
is the word shriek gendered automatically? how about shrill or screech? in self defense class, one of the first things they tell you is to yell, as loud and as shrilly as you can. they say it will feel rude. most women will not do this. you need to practice overcoming the social pressure and just scream.
most women do not cry out, even when it's bad. we do not report it. we walk faster. we do not make a scene. what would be the point of doing anything else? no matter what we do, we don't get taken seriously. it is a joke to them. an instagram caption punchline. we have to present ourselves as silent, beautiful, captivating - "valuable."
a woman is outside watching her kids when someone throws a firecracker at them. she screams and runs towards her children. in the comments, grown men flock together in the thousands: god. women are so annoying.
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