#and it's one of seven parts of a Wizard who was Split Up for being Nefarious

[leonsrightarm]

had an absolutely excellent idea for a children's/ya fantasy novel last night but unfortunately every moment of my life is too exhausting to bear

[malfoysprinces]

The Minister’s Daughter

- draco malfoy -

PART 1

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5

Pairing: Draco Malfoy x Slytherin Reader

Summary: The Minister’s daughter who fell in love with a death eater.

Warnings: Death Eaters, Break- up, Angst with a happy ending.

Word Count: 4.9k

Author’s Note: This is the Part One of a 5 part story. Requests & feedbacks are always welcome. 🤍

Her whole world shattered in a split moment. Never in a million years she thought the man once she loved would be allied with darkness. Her body was trembling, her hands were shaking, her mind was blurred but most of all didn't seem to matter because she could swear that the man standing in front of her was nobody but a stranger from now on.

Let me take you to the beginning of it. Let me take you take you to the beginning of the end.

She was the Minister of Magic’s daughter, which made her popular in a way that is expected. She was everybody's acquittance in one way or another. As for Slytherins, she was a fellow house member. She was a part of the pride that this house took consideration in. For Gryffindors, she was unexpectedly nice, someone who exchanges smiles despite the dispute between two houses. For Ravenclaws, she was a friendly face in the library. She was harmless. For Hufflepuff's she was someone who was pretty kind for a Slytherin while she had a certain reputation to hold as the Minister's daughter. Well, she certainly had her disputes with other students every now and then, but she never crossed a line, which was pretty exceptional for a Slytherin.

Up until her 5th year, she was holding pretty well. She had close-knit friend group which consisted Daphne Greengrass and Pansy Parkinson. Those three were practically inseparable since their childhood. Then there was this bigger group she was involved in which consisted Draco Malfoy, Theodore Nott, Blaise Zabini and Mattheo Riddle. They were called "The Sacred Seven" in school grounds. This was basically a side-name founded after The Sacred Twenty-Eight. They were the cool kids of cool parents. The parents symbolized wealth, power, nobility, wisdom, prudence and dignity, while the kids symbolized the next generation of all these virtues. They were the upholder's of these virtues. They were the future of The Wizarding World. They held power into their hands and no one could take it away from them. It was pretty obvious that they all had some kind of reputation to hold, but hers was different. Y/N's case was totally different than the rest. First of all, her parents were not Slytherins. Never in a million years they could be. Both her parents were Ravenclaws, known for their academic excellence. Her father had been an esteemed healer, known for his exceptional skills that attracted patients from around the world. It wasn't long before he assumed the position of Minister of Magic. Yet, when it came to their loyalties, the situation was even more intricate. Their loyalties were to Order. But as for Y/N, her loyalty was to Draco Malfoy and Draco Malfoy only. She could usually tell right from wrong and good from bad, but when it came to Draco, her judgment seemed to vanish.

It was the summer that links 4th year to 5th when she started to notice her interest in Draco. Not like Theo, Blaise or Mattheo but in a heart-skipping way. Whenever Draco's gaze settled on her, it stole her breath away. It sent shivers down her spine, and her heart raced so loudly in her chest that she feared he could hear it. There was no denying his undeniable handsomeness; he was, in every sense, flawless.

That summer was pretty normal. The Sacred Seven united every once a week what felt like an eternity to her. They were closer than ever. But why did she felt like it was not enough?

Y/N has never really been a summer girl. She never really liked hot. However, The Ministry was throwing an end of the summer party and her Sacred Seven was invited, as well. Her father being the Minister of Magic, they were automatically the hosts for the party. Their house was surely a perfect fit for a posh party with it's great entrance hall and it's big garden.

For the upcoming party, Y/N decided to invite Daphne and Pansy over to prepare together. The girls were brimming with excitement and had been buzzing about this event for weeks. Choosing the perfect outfit had become a significant task for them. However for Y/N, one thing became important more and more each minute. And it was him liking her. Although they have been friends since forever, something inside her started to change towards him. And she can only hope that he was feeling the same.

"What do you think about this one?" asked Daphne shaking diamond earrings.

"They are a favourite for me and they'd look perfect on you." answered Y/N.

Daphne wore the earrings.

"Guys, I dont think I can do my zip. Can you help?" asked Y/N.

"Coming." answered Pansy.

Y/N was wearing an shiny emerald gown. She chose to wear the color emerald because she thought he would like it. She thought Draco would like it. So now, she was standing in front of a mirror, looking at herself only hoping for his fancy.

Her friends, not aware of her feelings towards Draco, was standing behind her and looking at her, as well.

"This dress is a total dream." said Daphne.

"Yes and it must cost a fortune." added Pansy.

"Actually, I don't remember how much I payed for it, I just thought it was nice so I bought it." smiled Y/N.

"Says The Minister's Daughter." added Pansy rolling her eyes.

While girls were chatting and getting ready Y/N's mother knocked the door.

"Come in." said Y/N.

"Girls, you all look amazing. Our guests have started to arrive. I will go down stairs now and your presence will be needed within few minutes." said Y/N's mother.

"Okay mom, we will be down stairs shortly." answered Y/N.

One last breath and then she was ready to go.

She was walking in front of Daphe and Pansy. As Y/N led the girls down stairs, there was a feeling of excitement in her stomach. She was trembling, not because she was unsure of herself but because she knew the moment she has been waiting all summer has came. However, she wanted more. She wanted Draco's attention all to herself, she just didn't realized it yet. Y/N was looking for him as she was walking down the stairs. Her gaze wandered around the room only to land on his grey eyes. Draco was looking at her, like she was some kind of precious gemstone. The type that you only get to see once in your life because it is so rare yet so shiny.

Y/N captured everyone's attention let alone Draco. She was shining. She couldn't hide her smile.

The Sacred Seven united, for the last time that summer. For the last time before Hogwarts. As they grew up more and more each day, they started to see the motive behind the "pure-blood ideal." Which made Y/N sick to her stomach. Her parents were never pure-blood idealists, and never was she either. The thought of claiming one was superior to other was nothing but a non-sense to her. She knew the pressure this ideal put on to her friends so decided to keep quiet about it. After all, they were called "The Sacred Seven" for a reason.

The night of the party went on quite well. For the first quarter of the night, the boys of The Sacred Seven were in awe because of the girls's beauty. The second and the third quarter was what Y/N expected, the group went to the garden to have some time together. Y/N's houses garden was dimly lit, and decorated with vanilla scented candles. It was the perfect place for serenity, far from the party's noise.

"I never realized your garden was this big." said Theo to Y/N.

"Well, that depends on how you decorate it and my mum definitely knows how to do it." answered Y/N smiling.

"Yeah, she has got quite the taste." added Daphne.

"Still, it's not the Malfoy Manor tho." Y/N said to Draco.

"Oh well, this will do as well." he answered smirking.

"If you say so." Y/N answered smiling.

They sat by the small puddle in the garden. They started to talk about going back to school, how they are sure of they would get detention from Snape, how they missed their little trips to Hogsmeade.

After some cozy talking, a guy approached to them. Y/N had lifted her up to see who was the guy. It was one of her friends, Graham Montaque.

"Hi, guys." said Graham.

"Hi." few answered.

"Can I talk to Y/N? Promise I will bring her back soon." asked Graham. Draco was staying still, hadn't shown a response.

"Coming Graham." said Y/N.

Y/N and Graham Montaque took a stroll around the garden. Y/L/N and Montaque family have been friends since before even Y/N was born. Graham's father and Y/N's father's friendship goes back to their Hogwarts year. The father's ongoing friendship caused their children to be friends, as well. Graham was like a brother to Y/N. Even though they both had their separate friend groups, they hung out every now and then. Montaque family ,without a doubt, was invited to party as well. Graham and Y/N's continued talking.

After Y/N had left the group, Daphne, Pansy and Theo went inside to get drinks.

For a split moment, Y/N turned her back to look at Draco. He was talking with Blaise, intensely. She wondered what he was talking about. He was making hand gestures and his mimics were just as expressive as his gestures. Y/N couldn't help but wonder what they were discussing. Draco's hand movements and the way he conveyed his thoughts with his expressions piqued her curiosity. It seemed like an intense and intriguing conversation was taking place, and she couldn't help but be curious about the topic that had captured Draco's attention.

After their stroll, Y/N went back to her friend group just to find Blaise and Mattheo talking. Daphne, Pansy, and Draco and Theo weren't there.

"I don't know mate, he has a weird obsession with her curls." was the only thing Y/N could hear from their conversation. Y/N who had curly hair, had straightened it just for the night, was shocked. Who else does have curly hair she thought. Oh millions of girls she answered herself. Who could they be referring to? Draco or Theo? Or someone completely different?

"Y/N, didn't see you there." said Blaise in a shock.

"Oh, I just came." she answered.

Theo and Blaise were looking at each other shocked. Like they didn't know what else to say. Like they have just spilled some kind of secret.

"Guys, is something wrong?" Y/N asked.

"No, we are perfectly fine." Mattheo answered.

Just then, the girls and Draco arrived.

"Father called me in to meet some people." Draco said. Like he owned some kind of explanation to Y/N.

Y/N nodded.

They continued to sit and talk as they drank and enjoyed the night.

When it was time to call it a night, there was a dull feeling inside Y/N's chest. She didn't want her friends to leave just yet, even thought they were going to take the train to Hogwarts the day after tomorrow.

And just like that, it was the end of their end of the summer party. It was time to go back to Hogwarts. The place which feels like home. The place which she belongs to most, like the autumn leaves belong to gentle breeze.

The Sacred Seven settled in a compartment of The Hogwarts Express. Each one of them being excited more than ever to return Hogwarts. Y/N was sitting and listening in her friends conversations. Her mind wandered back to Draco. Whilst her eyes also wandered back to him. She was looking at him as he was looking outside the window of the train. Then only for a minute, she turned away only to find out his gaze landed on her already.

He smiled at her saying "Your hair looks nice today”.

She was in a total shock, they might be close friends but compliments weren't something she was used to getting from Draco. Then she remembered what she heard last night between the conversation of Blaise and Mattheo "I don't know mate, he has a weird obsession with her curls." The sentence echoed in her head. Could she really be the topic of that sentence? Could "he" refer to Draco? Her body started to feel like it was on fire. Her skin was burning.

"Thanks" she smiled at Draco.

Luckily Daphne and Pansy were too caught up in their conversation to notice what just happened between Y/N and Draco.

She was trying to comprehend what just happened when she heard a familiar voice "Y/N!". She turned away to look at what who was shouting.

"Oh, hi Graham." She smiled and walked away to talk with Graham.

She had to get away from Draco otherwise he would see her blushing.

While Y/N was away talking with Graham, Theo leaned into Draco and said "That's best infamous Draco Malfoy could do?" mocking him.

"What the hell are you talking about Nott?" Draco asked in a cold tone.

"Oh, come on man. We all saw how you look at her." Theo said rubbing his shoulder to him.

"And how would that be?" asked Draco, unintentionally.

"Like you want her to be yours and yours only." said Theo. Unexpected words from Theo.

They were both shocked.

"I never knew your emotional intelligence was this high, you sucker." said Draco.

“What? What's gotten into you all of a sudden?" Theo asked.

Blaise pointed at Y/N who happened to be talking to Graham Montaque.

Y/N was talking casually to Graham. It could be seen from miles that they were just two friends, enjoying each other's company. But Draco was far too jealous to acknowledge it.

As Y/N was walking back to her seat, she noticed the grumpy look on Draco's face.

What's with the face?" she asked pointing out his face.

"Nothing, he is moody as usual." said Blaise.

"Yeah, as usual." said Theo.

"Well then, excuse us we have to use the bathroom." said Pansy dragging Daphne and Y/N by their arms and leading them across the carriage.

"What now Pansy?" Y/N asked laughing.

"Since you are close with Graham, I thought maybe, just maybe…" Pansy was looking at Y/N with puppy eyes.

 “Oh here it comes.” said Daphne chuckling. "Say it already Pansy." Daphne laughed.

"Fine. The thing is..... a double date would be nice. You know, Graham and you and me and Adrian?" said Pansy whispering.

"Oh. My. God. Adrian asin Adrian Pucey?" Y/N answered.

Pansy nodded.

"Graham is like a brother to me! I can't ask him that Pansy and you know it." Y/N answered.

"For Salazar's Sake Y/N! She's not actually asking you to take Graham on a date! She's asking if you guys can accompany them." said Daphne rolling her eyes.

"Oh... well then. I'll think about it." answered Y/N."But please, give me some time so I can come up with a plan." she added.

"Oh thank you Y/N, take as much as time you need." said Pansy hugging her. Girls walked back to their seats as the train was approaching Hogwarts.

Hogwarts was standing in front them with all its magnificence. The castle, with its imposing stone walls, looked both familiar and distant. It was as though it held the echoes of her past, each turret and spire whispering tales of adventures and friendships. Hogwarts, in all its familiarity, was a place of comfort and belonging. It was a place where she had made lifelong friends and had discovered her true self. Returning to Hogwarts was like returning to a piece of her own heart, a reminder of the magical journey that had shaped her into the person she had become.

Students were led inside to have dinner and to settle into their rooms. Y/N, as usual, shared her dorm with Daphne and Pansy. Draco has had his own room since he was a Prefect this year. Mattheo, Blaise, and Theo all shared one room. The first night was always the most exciting one. Settling in and giggling with the girls as the night unfolds, deciding what to wear tomorrow were all special moments Y/N got to share with her friends.

The next morning, the girls woke up early and went to the Great Hall together. As they sat down, the boys of The Sacred Seven approached them and "Finally. The Sacred Seven. At where we belong." said Mattheo smiling. Their first breakfast at Hogwarts for the year was filled with joy and coziness. Shortly after, they all headed to class.

 As autumn made itself felt, it was already the second week of school. The castle was filled with the sound of students. It was a busy Tuesday. Girls were walking down to the Slytherin Common Room until they heard a "mrrrrrr" sound. Y/N turned away to look, only to find her car Purry was following them.

"Oh Purry, baby what happened?" Y/N asked her cat.

"Mrrrrr" answered Purry.

"What is she trying to tell?" asked Pansy.

"I don't know, maybe she is just grumpy this morning." answered Y/N. Y/N went back to her room to feed Purry -who had already had her breakfast- and told her "Oh Purry, more breakfast was all that you wanted?" said Y/N and Purry murmured again.

Y/N was a little late for her own breakfast. She walked towards the Slytherin table and sat down with her friends.

"Where were you?" asked Draco.

"Oh Purry was feeling a little bit hungry today. More than usual." answered Y/N smiling.

"That little cat of yours eats everything and still not enough?" answered Draco laughing.

"Yeah, she seems little but her stomach is bigger than ours combined. Trust me." laughed Y/N.

"Y/N, can I talk to you before class?" said Pansy.

"Yeah, Pans." said Y/N smiling.

Y/N got off the table to talk to Pansy.

"Pansy, before you start, I will talk to Graham today. I couldn't talk to him earlier because he was busy with Quidditch Team." Y/N said.

"Oh, thank you." said Pansy and two girls started to walk to classroom together. They entered the potions class and went on to sit with others.

After class, Y/N left the classroom in a hurry to find Graham who happened to be standing in the middle of the corridor.

"Graham!" she called.

"Oh, hi Y/N. How are you?" he said.

"I'm fine Graham, I have a little favor to ask from you. But promise you won't laugh." Y/N said in a serious tone.

"Well, well, well, this is getting interesting. Keep going." said Graham in a funny voice and leaned in to Y/N.

"Oh come on! Don't start already." Y/N said rolling her eyes.

Draco had been looking at her for a while when she noticed his gaze. He was looking at them from across the corridor.

"Oh, so a date accompanied by me and you. I wouldn't call it a serious date tho." Graham laughed.

"Y/N?" Graham said.

Y/N was looking at Draco.

"Please Graham, I am doing this for Pansy. It's not that I fancy a night out with you, either." said teasingly Y/N.

Draco was still on her mind. She wondered if he was still standing there looking at them. She turned away for a moment to look at Draco only to find he was gone.

"Well, I'll talk to Adrian tonight and I am assuming he would be down for it. So I am saying this Friday night. Is it okay for you girls?" asked Graham.

"Yeah, I'll double check with Pansy. Oh, and Graham, please let me know after you talk with Adrian. I don't want any last-minute problems." said Y/N.

"Who would have guessed you'd be so serious about the dates Y/N?" said Graham mockingly.

"Well, technically it’s not my date. But I don’t want to risk it for Pansy." said Y/N walking away.

When Y/N entered the common room. She found The Sacred Seven sitting by the fireplace. She leaned in to Pansy and whispered "Be ready for Friday evening Pans. Your girl here got it all sorted."

Pansy screamed which caused everyone to shock.

"What now?" asked Blaise.

"Oh, it is nothing." Pansy answered.

Draco's face was stoned cold. He didn't show any expressions. It's not that he did that often, but Y/N wondered if it had something to do with her conversation with Graham earlier.

It was supposed to be a cozy night by the fireplace, sitting all together talking nonsense. But Draco threw cold looks to Y/N every now and then and it made the night unbearable. Y/N was unsure of what to do. She decided maybe it wasn't about her. Maybe Draco wouldn’t go too far since he knew Graham was Y/N’s friend since they were babies. She was not going to take it personally.

It was not until the midnight when they decided to go to their dorms. Pansy was wearing her heart on her sleeve since she heard the news from Y/N.

"Y/N? Can I talk to you in private for a second?" asked Pansy.

"Yeah, Pans, of course." Y/N answered. They walked towards the window, far from the fireplace where The Sacred Seven was sitting already.

"Yeah Pans? What is it?" said Y/N wondering.

"First of all, thank you for arranging the date with Adrian. I will be forever grateful." said Pansy.

"Oh? It's nothing Pansy. I am glad to help. And? That was it is all about?" asked Y/N.

"No actually. There is one other thing. This date. I know you and Graham are friends since you were babies. I can think of the possible gossip this double date will cause. But the later, the better. I just don't want anyone in our group to hear about this date, except Daphne you know. The boys will make fun of it and- you know they-" said Pansy in a rather sad tone.

"Oh Pans, don't worry about the boys. I won't tell them anything. Besides, it's none of their business." answered Y/N smiling.

"Thank you, Y/N.” said Pansy and they walked back to the fireplace.

 "So, if you mix the polyjuice potion with the Felix Felicis---" Theo was trying to make a point

"Oh. My. God. Just stop it Theo, we are not mixing anything.” said Daphne.

It was clear that she got enough of Theo's bullshit. Mattheo, Draco and Blaise was laughing so hard.

"Well, let's hope that you won't try it in potions, tomorrow." said Y/N laughing.

Next morning, Y/N and Daphne left their room while Pansy was still getting ready. It was a windy autumn morning. The trees of the Forbidden Forest  surrounding the school had already started to shed their colorful leaves, creating a vibrant carpet of reds, yellows, and oranges that covered the cobblestone paths. The aroma of earthy leaves and wood-burning fires from the castle's hearths was filling the air, creating a unique, autumnal ambiance.

"She will spent hours in front of the mirror just to get Pucey to notice her, won't she?" asked Daphne.

"Yeah, probably. But still, I want their date to be perfect tomorrow night so she can finally have what she wants." said Y/N.

"Yeah, quite a job you did there arranging the date." Daphne said looking at Y/N.

"Yeah, tell me about it. Hope Graham wouldn't make fun of it for the rest of our lives." Y/N said laughing. When Y/N and Daphne entered the Great Hall, they saw the boys were already having their breakfast.

"Morning, morning." said Mattheo.

"Good morning guys." Y/N said.

After a short while, it was time for the Defense Against the Dark Arts class. Luckily they all had the same class. Which was a opportunity for Y/N to figure out what was wrong with Draco last night.

However, he seemed normal this morning. Nothing more, nothing less, just normal.

The Sacred Seven was headed to the Defence Against the Dark Arts classroom. Class started as soon as they sat in pairs. As the lesson began, the Professor addressed the class, "Today, we delve into the intricacies of countering the Imperius Curse, one of the Unforgivable Curses. You must be prepared for any situation where your willpower may be tested. The ability to resist and overcome this curse could be a matter of life and death." This was an important topic.

The classroom's atmosphere remained intense, but it was clear that these students were not just learning to defend themselves; they were preparing to protect others from the darkest of magical threats.

After the class Y/N, Pansy and Blaise decided to go out to get some fresh air. However, after a short walk, Y/N was pulled away by Graham.

"Hey! Can we talk for a minute?" he asked.

"Sure." Y/N answered.

They were walking through the corridors of Hogwarts.

"So, I talked to Adrian." Graham said.

"So? Please, don't tell me he said no." Y/N said in a rather concerned voice.

"Oh, no. He is pretty interested in Parkinson actually. So our little double date is going to happen. Without a doubt." Graham said.

"Oh, thanks Salazar. Otherwise, Pansy wouldn't shut up about it for weeks." Y/N chuckled.

"You know, you are lucky to have me as a friend." Graham said in a rather snobby tone.

"No need to praise yourself now, Montaque." Y/N rolled her eyes.

"Since when do you call me Montaque? It is Graham to you, you know, it's your father's privilege." he says.

"Oh? So just my father's?" Y/N asked mockingly.

Graham throws his hand around Y/N's shoulder and addresses her "You know you are one of my favorite Slytherin girls. I know you since you were a baby." said Graham, still walking with his hand over Y/N's shoulder.

"Snobby, aren't you?" Y/N said mocking him.

In that moment they heard a sharp intake of breath. Y/N turned her back to look and saw Draco walking behind them with Theo.

"Oh, didn't see you guys there." Graham said.

"Apparently." said Theo while throwing a glance at Draco.

Draco furrowed his eyebrows and hissed. "Whatever." said looking away.

"So, thanks again, Graham. I'll see you around?" Y/N said stuttering. Graham left, nodding his head. She was afraid that Draco saw Graham's arm around Y/N. Well, the worst was yet to come, Y/N didn't know it just yet.

"So Y/N, being one of Graham's favourites from Slytherin must be flattering. Huh? Isn't it?" said Draco mocking. He rolled his eyes at Y/N. "Carrying you around like some kind of trophy in his arms? What a gentleman is Montaque." added Draco.

So he not only saw his arms around her but he also heard Graham's words towards Y/N.

And Draco was non-stop talking about Y/N's interaction with Graham. This was the first time Draco was this reactive. His reactions were getting out of hand and he was eventually stopped by Theo. "Cool down, dude." said Theo to Draco.

Draco scoffed.

Well, this was new. 

"Theo, may I talk to Draco alone please?" Y/N asked politely.

Theo nodded and walked away.

Draco still wouldn't look Y/N in the eyes.

"Dray?" she asked.

No answer.

"D-Dray?" she asks again.

"Don't Dray me now, Y/N." Draco said, anger in his voice causing Y/N to stutter.

"I-I- just….What's the problem then Draco?" Y/N asked.

"There is no problem. Everything is fine." Draco said rolling his eyes.

"Oh come on! Why are you so hard on me lately?" Y/N asked as if she didn't know the answer.

"I am not hard on you. I am not the one who's making things harder." Draco looked away again.

"Making things harder? I don't understand." Y/N's heart was beating too fast.

"Why is Montaque so clingy to you? He should take his dirty hands off of you. Or else." he finishes.

"I'm sorry Draco? He is my friend." Y/N answered, sensing Draco's jealousy.

"Well, then he should act like it. Who is he to touch you? Hell, who is he to lay a finger on you?" Draco was getting angrier each minute.

"I didn't know that you hated him that much." Y/N said, unsure of what will happen next.

"He does not mean anything to me. But I will go out of my way to make him sorry for being this close to you, if I have to." Draco said in a rather serious tone.

"You will?" Y/N asked.

"Yeah, I will Y/N." he answered.

"No need tho, he is a friend. That's all he'll ever be." Y/N assured. Draco and Y/N started walking towards the Slytherin common room.

But this time, Draco was different. He was walking extremely close to Y/N and his hand almost touched Y/N's. Tension between them could be sensed from miles away. A quite tense walk ended with them entering the common room. However, Y/N was never going to forget how jealous and protective Draco got of her. And he almost held her hand, for the first time. For the first time in eternity.

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5

[possibly-in-wonderland]

some modern girl falls into middle earth concepts (the hobbit & lotr)

reader has a gold tooth or two, obvs the company is interested but what happens when thorin gets that gold sickness lmfao

reader has hella tattoos/piercings/body mods (tatted eyeballs, pointed ears, split tongue, fangs, etc) and explains the process to the company (maybe dwalin gets the hots). this is, of course, after the company finds out reader is in fact human and not some odd race they've never heard of

black or native american reader (bc u know how dwarves & elves are with hair)

reader who speaks norwegian and has studied norwegian history (bc why not) and likes to draw comparisons between scandinavian culture and dwarven culture (idk why lmao)

italian reader (bc food)

reader with dai yueqin-length hair (aka if its not up its a tripping hazard to everyone)

reader who's a part of the sca

deaf!reader (maybe bifur's sign language is similar to asl and they end up becoming friends)

blind!reader (reader likes touching faces, im just imagining reader touching one of the dwarves' faces and being like "oh wow ur very handsome", maybe reader likes bigger noses, bigger ears, longer hair, and beards bc they feel interesting as opposed to a clean-shaven face and smaller features)

reader with a beard fetish (*everyone looks at nori and his glorious beard*)

stoner reader who, after falling into middle earth, found themselves constantly stoned stupid due to eating a brownie before the fall (and by some weird magical thing, their body is now "glitched").

alternatively, stoner reader who had seeds on them before they fell.

metalhead reader (specifically eddie munson-style...so thrasher obsessed with dnd).

crackfic idea: introducing the dwarves to diggy hole (lmao)

reader, who's obsessed with stories, tells the company a different story from their home world each night (like a story about a young viking managing to train the most ferocious dragon (how to train your dragon)). later, reader ends up retelling snow white and the seven dwarves.

some sort of bl2 x hobbit crossover (reader's a siren but not from the borderlands universe, and in this case their magic is more like pony magic from mlp friendship is magic or bonnies magic from vampire diaries). they dont get any markings or anything until they "leech" the gold sickness from thorin (which, in turn, affects the reader by making their powers more awesome). obvs there's some limitations (they lose the ability to fully control their limbs and are pretty much wheelchair-bound for a few months). reader is pretty much a demigod (probably just as powerful if not maybe a little less powerful than gandalf).

reader fell into middle earth a couple thousand years ago but due to some weird aging thing and middle earth time working differently than modern earth time they age differently. they've become some minor witch or wizard.

reader "scent marks/chins" to show love (like a rabbit)

reader whos part of modern royalty from our world (and enjoys middle earth more than anything bc they don't have to be "propper" all the time, maybe their more of a princess diana royal)

speaking of princess diana: reader gushes over princess diana

post botfa: fem!reader flirts with dis (lol)

reader pretends to by psychic (like in psych) but in reality they've read every book part of the lotr/hobbit universe and know everything (maybe they understand some of their languages as well, not enough to be fluent but enough to pick out certain words)

reader grew up DEEP in the mountains of west virginia (and likes to sing country roads at random points, though they change some of the lyrics bc they don't have the crayons nor willpower to explain a radio)

reader knows "big bad john" and "the cajun queen" by jimmy dean by heart

reader quietly singing jolene after the events of mirkwood

reader lives life by the kenny rogers song "the gambler"

most of the songs the reader knows are either by dolly parton or kenny rogers (or any other artist similar like reba)

reader casually talks about the horrors of our world like its the most normal thing (ww2, systematic racism, the truth of thanksgiving, climate change, 2020, the patriarchy and how they treat women, etc)...everyone looks horrified

reader writes hozier-style songs

reader is the biggest fucking flirt (but by that, i mean they'll flirt with trees...not just ents, no, trees...and rocks)

reader, a seemingly innocent-looking woman, was a deathmetal vocalist in our world

reader has a thing for watching blacksmiths and metalsmiths (i used to like watching forged in fire until i realized they were a bunch of sexists)

reader has the deepest southern accent-

reader is a little insecure only to find out that everything society deems gross and unsightly in our world is hella attractive to dwarves (body hair, extra weight, etc)

reader has abandonment issues and is terrified the company or fellowship are gonna abandon them at any point

reader introduces the company/fellowship to truth or dare, reader get's dared to tell the group their biggest secret, they pull out their childhood stuffed animal from their bag and introduce the group to said stuffed animal. reader thinks the group will laugh at them. the fellowship finds it endearing. the company also finds it endearing (esp dori, bifur, and bofur).

reader goes on a tangent about frontal lobes for a solid 15 minutes straight with no stopping bc of that one hyperfixation they had a few years back.

reader with chronic pain. they never talk about it but something goes wrong, reader and (we'll say dwalin) switch bodies. the pain is so bad dwalin is keeling over and after they get switched back everyone has a little more respect for reader than before. ("what do you mean tHIS IS NORMAL EVERYDAY PAIN? YOU MEAN TO TELL ME THIS FLARES UP AND GETS WORSE??? THIS ISNT EVEN THE WORST OF IT???" reader shrugs "eh u get used to it after living with it for ur entire life")

reader doesn't like wearing shoes, but has feet as strong as a hobbits so its fine

everyone's explaining what folktale they tell children in different cultures when asked where babies come from. the dwarves talk about being born of rocks, hobbits talk about being born in gardens, the human reader tells the story of the stork

idk i kinda wanna mix some of these together

[afatlotofchance]

The Prince and the Sorcerer (part 1)

I had to split this commission in two given how long it was. This was a commission about the commissioner's OC, the spoiled, gluttonous and fat prince Tristan, meeting his just dessert at the hands of a recently hired court mage. Enjoy!

Evan wanted to check his appearance once more. Since he had no mirrors or polished metal nearby, he merely used his third sight.

No matter how hard he tried, he could never manage to find an appearance pleasant to his eyes. His ears were too big and sticking out too much. His brown hair formed a straight mop that, while not ugly, certainly wasn’t above the average. While being tall and gangly made his cheekbones more defined, giving him quite a good face, it still made him prone to insulting nicknames, like scarecrow or bony-witch. But at least he was clean, perfumed, wearing sumptuous robes. He hoped that would balance the rest.

He was tempted to use just a bit of glamour, but he had no time for that. He could already hear a guard coming. Evan closed his third sight as he heard a booming voice:

“Our Majesties are ready to receive you.”

Evan followed the guard. He was a bit nervous, actually. It wasn’t every day you met with the royal family, or were appointed at the court. Especially when you were of humble origins, like Evan.

Don’t be foolish, the young magician said to himself. You’ve fought monsters, dealt with familiars, chatted with elementals, and you would be nervous in front of humans, people just like you?

No, not just like him. These were high-born, blue-blooded, god-chosen humans. Royals. A king, a queen and a prince. Royals who apparently had enough means and powers to contact the great and powerful sorcerer Rummuel, the most renowned magician of all the continent, and to convince him to lend them one of his three faithful apprentices to become their own private court magician for a period of seven years!

“I’ll be up to the task, master!” Evan had claimed upon hearing the good news. “I’ll show them how worth I was of your teaching! I’ll blind them with the highest spheres of the Arcanas! I’ll…”

“How you go my boy!” Rummuel muttered. “You won’t need all that. You will merely be a court wizard. Doesn’t need much qualifications these days. Any apprentice like you can do that. You will merely be a consultant – advising the king – and a defender – protecting the royals. All you need is a bit of knowledge and some moves to fight. As long as you can clean curses, repel bad spirits and speak the old languages, everything should be alright. Oh, and don’t forget to be a show off. Kings usually like big, flashy, sparkling things. They’re not interested into real magic, they wouldn’t even recognize a black-flamed candle, they just want to show other people they have a magician and that he can do wonderful things. Not useful things. Just wonderful ones. It won’t improve your magic, but you’ll get to know more about how royalty and nobility works – a knowledge you clearly lack.”

Evan still grunted at the sour memory of his encounter with the King that Went Fishing.

But at least, he was chosen to be the one. Not Dyfan, not Aedan, him, the apprentice everyone just remembered for being young and clumsy. He was going to show them he could be as much of a good wizard as they were – and not because he was a nobleman’s son like Dyfan, not because he grew up with viziers and sultans like Aedan, but merely because he was a talented, genius, extraordinary magic user!  

Evan was taken out of his thoughts by the sounds of trumpets being blown and two huge doors being opened. He straightened himself, stood tall, puffed up his chest and walked proudly in there.

“Remember. Shine. Show them who’s powerful here.” he thought to himself.

The throne room was enormous, the size of a cathedral. Evan walked behind the guards on a red carpet the size of a road, between pillars of stone as enormous as the old oaks.

“Evan of Hastings, third apprentice of the great sorcerer Rummuel!”

He finally reached the end of the throne room, an enormous wall covered in gold. In this wall, in this gold, was carved the picture of a royal family: a king, a queen, a prince and a princess, with a knight standing by their side, hands on his sword. All were giants, and all had no faces, making the representation slightly disturbing. Ever since his adventures at the Blackworm Castle he had a bit of a hard time with things without faces.

Three big thrones, also made of pure gold, stood before him, one of them empty.

On the central throne rested King Ralston. He looked like a jolly and affable man – but not without an aura of strength and power. Evan was quite good at reading people’s auras, and despite the bright smile and courteous face, the king was clearly burling with frustrations and dissatisfactions. He seemed to be bearing a sense of guilt, burden and unfairness. His aura was that of a man about to hit something just to vent off his anger. And he certainly looked like he could hit something strong. He was a big man of thick built, muscular and portly all at once. Curls of long, sandy blond hair fell on each side of his round face – his cheeks and chin soft and fleshy, under a thin honey-colored bear. His fur-trimmed burgundy coat seemed ridiculously small compared to his sturdy body and flat but fleshy, almost padded belly. His orange and golden doublets stretched on his broad shoulders and enormous arms. Evan had seen none so big before – they were the size of hams! A big golden chain was also stretched tightly on his wide and prominent chest. The king was playing mindlessly with one of his rings, a big circle of gold with a pointy diamond, and as he did, Evan saw the muscles of his arm and chest bulge and flex under the tight cloth. But what struck the most Evan was the power of his cold, icy blue stare.

He bore a warm smile and opened his arms.

“Welcome, Evan of Hastings! We are honored to meet the apprentice of the great Rummuel!”

“The pleasure is equally shared, Majesty. I am honored to be in the presence of my King and his Heir.” Evan answered while kneeling.

“Queen Ermine is unfortunately at the castle of the Rogue River for the moment, but she should be back in a matter of months. Let me introduce you to my only son and heir: Prince Tristan!”

Evan stood up and looked at the throne on the far right – the largest of the three golden thrones. On it sat a boy of such girth that Evan thought his mind was playing tricks on him. But it wasn’t any illusion, the boy was indeed of that enormous size! Could he be sick? No, he seemed quite lively: in fact, he was devouring a big lamb leg, that he held by the bone like one would brandish a scepter or a magic wand.

Like his father, Tristan was blond in hair and blue of eyes with thin brows, but his curls were of a lighter, more golden shade, and his eyes of a deeper and darker blue. Outside of that, he bore little to no resemblance to his father. Beardless, lacking the king’s big nose, his features were much more delicate, almost feminine. An elegant and thin nose, almond-shaped eyes, a thin mouth with well-drawn lips…

But Tristan suffered from an enormous, indecent, incredible fatness. The boy was as big as an ogre could get – and not an ounce of muscle appeared in this flabby mass. His round belly spilled itself onto his lap, while bloated love handles hanged on each side of his body, his blue shirt tight on his excess of flesh. Instead of a manly chest, his was as feminine as his traits – two tremendous pectorals, reminding Evan of the plump breasts of these fertility idols he once saw in the dark woods. His face was even rounder and fuller than that of his father, to the point that it stopped being round and became rather pear-like in shape, his plump jowls and overgrown cheeks completely hiding his jaw under thick layers of flab, making his face like a mound of soft butter.

But the strangest thing, strangest above all, was just how beautiful Tristan looked. Surely one with a face that stretched, widened and exaggerated by the excess of flesh should have been hideous to look at. But here, it changed nothing to the delicateness of his traits, carved in the butter mound like one would carve a precious gem. Again, statues and idols came to the mind of Evan, but these time those of the beautiful, eternally young and perfectly muscled gods of the arts and of the light.

“Are you really a wizard, small boy?” the Prince asked. “You don’t look much like one to me.”

Evan guessed the “small” must have been about his own skinniness, for Tristan must have been around Evan’s age, even though it was hard to tell with all of his curves. The Prince’s aura was very faint, like if he had none at all, the wizard merely seeing some translucent blue light – but it could have been very well a simple trick of his eyes, due to his vivid blue shirt. It was like if this boy was barely feeling any emotion at all.

Yet, the look on his face was clearly one of disdain. Not an outright mockery, but a sly cruelty Evan knew too well.

“I can assure you, my lord, that I am the apprentice of the great magician Rummuel, who took me when I was twelve of age and has since raised me in his tower alongside his other apprentices, and taught me many things about spells, potions, magic and the other worlds.”

“Then, prove that you are indeed a boy of magic.” ordered Tristan while taking a bite of the lamb leg (which was so greasy and dripping with sauce that Evan was amazed that the prince had no stain on either his clothes or face). “Do a miracle.”

Evan got his body ready. It was now, the moment of truth, the display of his great powers. What would decide everything: how the royals saw him, how the court would see him, what the kingdom was going to see in him. Will he be admired, mocked or feared? No mistakes were allowed here.

Evan was pretty sure he could meet a lot of the prince’s expectations. Except raise the dead. Or create life. Or show him the true face of God. Or… Oh gosh, what if the prince asked him some levitation? He could do a mere object, but what if the Prince asked Evan to make him levitate? He couldn’t possibly raise such an enormous mass! At least not without ripping one of his muscles, or seriously damaging something in the room!

“Make your shadow dance.”

Evan sighed with relief. Then looked at the prince in his dark, disdaining eyes.

“What?”

“I read once the legend of a powerful magician on an island far away. He could fly and make people’s wish come true. He talked with fairies and was perpetually young. And he could make his shadow dance and act in his place. Can you make your shadow dance?”

Well, that was going to be easy. Just a bit of shadow puppetry. No need to sell your soul to pesky, annoying, manipulative, whore fairies to do so.

“It will be as easy as blinking, my lord.”

Well, almost. It was as easy as spilling some grains of a magic powder to make the shadow a material of its own, whispering some words to wake up and heat the shadow, and then moving your arms, hands and fingers around to move the shadow. Evan made it dance, jump, spin, go from one wall to another. It was merely playing with the lights, but in reverse, so that the people would be focused on the shadow, not the light. It was liking writing a word by darkening everything around it. He was there, all white and shining, but you technically hadn’t written it. You just made it appear. Same thing with the shadow.

Tristan was flabbergasted, eyes wide opened. He even forgot the half-eaten lamb leg, dropping it on the floor. Ralston’s smile had subtly shifted – it was now an uneasy, worried smile. But his eyes were shining like those of a child.

Evan put his shadow back into place and made a small reverence.

“Could you do mine?” the prince asked.

“Your shadow?”

“Yes, of course! Make my shadow dance!”

“I could… If your highness wouldn’t mind approaching me. I don’t want to catch the throne’s shadow with your own, that would be problematic.”

The prince grunted, but obliged. He got out of the throne and walked until he was right in front of Evan. He couldn’t get really close to him, because his belly was standing in the way, but he got close enough that Evan inadvertently sank the tip of his fingers into the prominent gullet. He immediately took them off, his face getting slightly sweaty because of such an impudent mistake, but Tristan simply showed a snarking smile.

Now that the Prince was so close to Evan, the young wizard realized just how impressive he really was. Despite him being shorter than Evan, probably of four or five inches, he still managed to have this feeling of… of bigness, this impression of… of roundness… he was like he was all over the place and you were just standing his way, taking up his space, no matter where you were… And Evan felt more like a beanpole or a twig than he ever did. The thought “I should put on some weight” even crossed his mind before he shook it off.

“Don’t get irrational or ridiculous now. Focus on the task.”

But it was hard to focus with Tristan looking at him. His face was indeed one of rare beauty, there was no mistake here. In fact, his facial features reminded him of those a fox spirit took once to seduce him, on a beach in a faraway island… by a blue night and a big moonlight… it was the hour of nightmares, and the sand was grey, and the sea was…

Evan shook his head. Get to work. Dust, words, arms. Magic.

The prince’s face beamed with glee upon seeing his rotund and massive shadow move around him.

“Make it jump!”

Evan obeyed.

“Make it run now! Faster! Make it leap! Make it walk on all fours! Like a dog! Good! Now make it dance! Make it do the wheel! Like a jester! Yes! More! Make it move! More! Faster! Again! Quick!”

Evan obeyed again and again as Tristan’s talking became pure barking. Evan disliked people who spoke too loudly.

“Perfect!” Tristan finally roared.

He turned towards the king.

“I’ll take him, father. He is to my taste! Now, all this running made me hungry! I’ll go the dining hall if official affairs need my attention.”

And thus Tristan left without a goodbye or a look to Evan, his gut jiggling and lifting itself with every step.

The King stood up. Despite being a big, strong and tall man, he certainly wasn’t giving off the same feelings of enormousness and massiveness that his son did. In fact, his size seemed now much more normal to Evan.

“Evan of Hastings, you are now officially our court’s new magician! I’ll have my son’s personal servant show you your quarters.”

“Already? I mean, huh… Don’t you want me to do something for you? I mean, you, the king? I could do things more… impressive. More useful. I could show you much more.”

“No need for that. You impressed my son. That was all that needed to be done. I have knights to meet. We will held a feast for your arrival tonight.”

Evan bowed down.

He was a bit surprised, if not worried, that he got the job so easily. So, master Rummuel was right, huh? Royals just wanted pretty things and show-off tricks. Not real magic. In fact, Aedan had said something in this vein… “It’s a king that’s interested in real magic that is to fear.”

Well, king Ralston certainly didn’t think of any real magic. Evan had unconsciously caught his last thought before he left the throne room – something any user of high magic could do when people were thinking really hard of one thing only.

He was wishing for a lot of good ale and a roasted pig. 

XXX

“Here are your quarters, sire. Our master’s room is at the end of the hallway. This bell will ring whenever he needs you.”

“I wasn’t expecting to live near to the king! I thought I would be with the knights, or the other court members!” Evan laughed.

The servant looked at him. That was certainly one tired servant, with bags under his eyes. His face twitched from time to time. His aura was full of worry and nervousness, all blurry and swarming, like a pack of worms. He must have been around Evan’s age, and he was as gangly as him. In fact, he looked a lot like Evan himself, minus the big ear. The most notable difference was their hair: his mop was the color of rust.

“I am talking about prince Tristan, sorcerer. Not the king.”

“The prince? But I am the court wizard – I answer to the king, not the prince.”

The servant started to nervously play with his callus-riddled fingers.

“That’s what they told you?”

“Well…”

“You are prince Tristan’s personal wizard, master Evan. That is why you were brought here. You are a court wizard, indeed, but of the prince’s court. The King merely wanted to please his son.”

“There must be a mistake here…”

“Braden!”

The scream boomed across the hallway. Authoritarian, merciless, hard as stone – but without mistake, that of the prince.

There was a weird gurgle, followed by:

“Come here! I need a belly massage!”

“Yes, my prince!”

The servant bolted towards the prince’s room, running like a terrified rabbit.

Evan looked at him go, then at the door to his quarters.

“No, I’m sure the King will need me. He will call me by his side soon.”

XXX

He never did. Not even after several weeks, nearly an entire month.

Evan finally had to admit the sad truth: he was merely a personal entertainer for Tristan. Only the prince was asking for his services – and always only for low, petty tricks, to amuse either him or his guests. Often nobles or knights, once a princess from a foreign land. There were rumors of an engagement, but she was clearly disgusted by the portly prince.

“Do these things with the cups and the coin!” “Make my shadow move once more!” “Can you change the color of these flowers?” “Can you make this chocolate cake taste like a blueberry cake?” “Make this cup disappear!”

Never a kind word, never a thank, never a please. Only orders, commands and barking. And thus, day after day, Evan was forced to do mere prestidigitation spells. Playing with lights, shadows and colors. Creating reflections out of smoke. Making objects disappear and reappear, which was merely moving them where Tristan couldn’t see them – the prince certainly wasn’t seeing the difference, so Evan wasn’t going to bother. Tristan wasn’t even interested in how Evan did it or to learn some magic basis – for him, seeing Evan do magic on his orders was just like if he did magic himself. Anyway, Evan did not dare to imagine what the boy could do with magic. He shivered at the image of the obese prince turning his servants into human-shaped chocolate cakes before devouring them.

Because the Prince was certainly the embodiment of gluttony. No wonder how he got to that enormous size of his: he was always eating, no matter what time of the day. Waking up, the first thing he asked for was food, in his bed. While taking his bath he ate apples, potatoes and melons – grapes and bread and butter and cheese while dressing up. When taking his princely lessons, he had several veals served to him. After each meal, no matter if it was pigs or boars, he had another meal, either muttons or cows. And when he was doing nothing and got bored, the first think he thought of, before asking for a jester or a musician or a juggler or Evan, was requesting pies and cakes and other sweets. And he devoured all of his food swiftly and quickly – but always with a strange grace, a weird elegance preventing any kind of stain to soil his face or his clothes. Evan kept wondering how the prince could eat so much without getting sick – himself was getting nausea just by watching his meals.

He also pitied Tristan’s young taster. Around the prince’s age, with weird strawberry blond, almost orange hair. Young but already plump and fat, with a prominent belly and an even more prominent stomach. No wonder given how much dishes he had to taste.

“Aren’t you tired of eating all day and following Tristan everywhere?” Evan had asked him.

The young taster – receiving a relaxing stomach massage by one of the lesser servants – answered that, no, he didn’t mind at all.

“I can live in a castle, wear fine clothes and eat my fill of luxurious food!” he said with a smile. “It’s more than I could ever hope for! I was merely a commoner, skinny and sick as a chicken carcass and now look at me!”

He slapped his belly.

“Fat as a goose, spoiled as a pig, healthy as a horse, serving the prince, living with noblemen’s sons! My parents would be proud if they were still alive!”

But he was clearly nauseous and tired. Pale in the face, with bags under the eyes like Braden. He knew the boy was prone to stomach aches. In fact, his belly seemed as hard as a stone and his flesh bore the bright red marks of a skin overstretched by a sudden gain of mass. Evan gave him soothing herbs, for his belly, and started preparing an ointment to repair his skin, but if this went on, he feared the young boy would only get weaker and sicker.

XXX

Evan tried to talk to the King, to attract his attention. Without any results. He talked to him about protecting with magic the royal bloodline from any curse, possession or evil spirit. Not interested. He asked to get a laboratory in order to work on healing potions. The prince wasn’t ill, so no. He brought up the subject of investigating and studying the supernatural and magical inhabitants of the kingdom. He was laughed at. The only time he ever got to have a real conversation with the King was when he asked about the Prince’s taster, either because the subject was more of interest, or because all the beer he had gulped had mellowed him out.

“How come a mere commoner is the prince’s taster? I heard usually the taster was the son of a rival or dubious member of the court, or the son of the chef himself.

King Ralston burped before answering.

“The head chief’s son is always Tristan’s first taster. But he current head chief’s son died when he choked in his sleep. He was so fat it weighed on his throat and crushed his chest. We did the children of all the cooks – all choked up or had their heart merely stop or explode. So then we put the children of the potential plotters and conspirators – they all died. Stomach exploding, poisoning or visceral abnormalities. And they kept lasting less and less… So now we take orphans from the gutter. Easy to raise, and easy to dispose of.”

The King must have noticed the disapproving look of Evan.

“But if you want, you could become my son’s taster! In this way, Tristan would have you at all time. And don’t worry you’ll be paid twice as much! Are you interested?”

XXX

Evan was tired. Tired not only of the petty tricks Tristan kept asking, not only of taking orders from this enormous, flabby mount of pudding that kept laughing like an overgrown baby at any silliness in sight, but also tired of the cruelty the prince was forcing him to perpetrate. For indeed, Tristan had taken a new interest in magic upon learning that it could be a very good way to punish his servants.

It happened when a nervous young man – as nervous and young as all the other servants of Tristan – had spilled some too-hot water on the prince’s fat body while he was taking his bath. The prince screamed and got out of the bath, still naked, looking for a whip to hit the young man. The servant had gotten on the floor, crying, pleading for mercy. Tristan shouted: “Yes, crawl on the floor, like a dog begging for scraps!” And then he stopped, and looked at Evan.

“Can you make him a dog?”

“I beg your pardon, your Majesty?”

“Could you turn him into a dog? That’s what witches and wizards do, isn’t it? Turn people into animals. Well, turn him into a dog!”

Evan was lucky to be quick of thought. He explained to Tristan that it would be hard for him to turn a human into a dog – due to the different of masses, of how he would need to store the excess organs somewhere, of how he should find additional hair to add to the body, how he could encourage the body to evolve into that of a dog but it would be far too slow for any enjoyment… All of which was true. Evan couldn’t turn this man into a dog. At least, not as a mere, humble wizard.

But Tristan was terribly unhappy with the situation. Evan could pick up his thoughts and his mood – the prince right now was frustrated. He thought Evan was without any use or purpose, lacked any talent or ace. He started to doubt the role of Evan here, thought of punishing him, banishing him, discarding him. So Evan had to find an alternative.

“However, my prince… It is possible, as easy as pie, to make him think he is a dog. Convince him that he is not human anymore, make him act like a pet animal. The spirit is easier to mold than the flesh. Of course, it won’t be permanent, but probably enough to fit your… enjoyment?”

Tristan nodded.

“It would be funny to watch. I’m a bit disappointed, because I wanted to eat some dog’s meat, but it could be a punishment humiliating enough. And he would beg for scraps?”

Ignoring the subtle reference to cannibalism, Evan answered:

“Indeed, he would beg for your scraps. “

“And he won’t bite back when I hit him?”

“I can make him into a dog that bites back if you want.”

“No. Make him my slave. Obedient, stupid, weak. Won’t be much work to do, he is already all of these things.”

Tristan got back into the bath, waiting for the magic to happen.

Evan worked on the poor scarred fellow – through whispers, and looks, and hand gestures. He had lie only on one point – he could make sure the hypnosis would be permanent. But he wasn’t going to let Tristan have this pleasure. He would undo it later and pretend it was the natural withering of the spell.

Soon the servant was barking, drooling and rolling on the floor, begging for scratches on his belly.

Tristan had his fun, laughed and applauded.

And soon he asked for Evan every time he needed to punish a servant. Sometimes he even decided to punish them for no real reason, just to see Evan work his magic. Sometimes he had to change the color of someone’s hair or skin. Other times it was making them act like beast, or making them grow too much hair. He had to torture them through petty illusions, like making them believe they had insects crawling all over them, or that the floor was melted lava.

But the real lava, the real burning fire, was in Evan’s heart, swelling up until… 

XXX

It happened during a great feast.

The taster got sick. Well, he was already sick before – it was hard not to notice it in the past weeks. His belly had gotten even rounder, his skin stretched over his quickly-adding excess fat. His skin had gotten a yellowish tint. He couldn’t stand the wearing of a belt, for it gave him strong gazes and pain – and his feet had begun to swell, making it harder for him to walk.

But this time, a sudden nausea had taken over him while in the middle of tasting Tristan’s meal. He was yellow and green in the face, his stomach even more bloated than usual. He groaned, whispering that he couldn’t take another bite, that he was too full. Tristan, munching on some bread, didn’t listened and simply ordered him to taste the soups that had just been served. The taster excused himself once more, explaining that one more gulp of anything would make him vomit. Tristan, without any sign of wrath, disdain or concern, merely said. “Don’t waste my precious food. If you can’t taste anymore, you’re of no use. Someone else will take your place. Guards, throw him out of the castle.”

The taster begged Tristan for one more chance. He got on his knees, crying and pleading, which was hard for him between the gurgling and moaning of his belly, ready to expulse whatever he had in him.

Tristan laughed. “You’re only good at eating! Beside that you don’t have any use! You’re wasting my time, and annoying me… My mercy has thinned, I don’t intend on letting you go like that. First give me back what you stole from me!”

Tristan turned his head towards Evan.

“Give me back my food!”

“My prince, what do you mean?”

“Take back my food from his belly! Move it into mine! You can move objects, right? Then do it!”

“My prince, it will be a bit…”

“Do it!” the prince shouted.

Everybody was looking at Evan. The court sorcerer had no choice.

“I’m sorry.” he whispered to the taster.

He could have teleported the food directly from one stomach to another, but it would have been too dangerous – there was a risk of putting it into the prince’s heart or lungs, Evan needed to see clearly where the object was and where it would end up. He had to take another option. A messier one.

Evan used all of his concentration to take the food out of the taster’s stomach, through his throat and mouth, flying into the hair, and then into Tristan’s mouth. Everybody looked with horror at the greasy and gleaming pieces of food, still dripping with saliva and stomach acid, as they flew to the prince’s face. Tristan wasn’t horrified. He smiled and opened his mouth wide – and in the food went! Tristan gulped and munched, his cheeks as stuffed as those of a squirrel, moaning with happiness. The taster was shedding tears – for it was a strange and uncomfortable feeling that to have one’s belly emptied.

Evan saw all of that. The disgust on the courtiers faces. The pain of the taster. The glee of Tristan. Evan got fed up. The fire in his heart busted like a bubble. His wrath took over his magic – and in the food went, quicker, faster, more and more food… Tristan tried to tell Evan to slow down, but he had no time, for the softened meat, the sweet bread, and the mush that was now the food just kept crushing and pushing itself through his teeth, by his lips, down his throat…

“Sorcerer, stop at once!”

King Ralston had shouted the order and Evan snapped out of his trance. For one moment he had to recall where he was, who he was and what he was doing. He saw the twisted face of the prince, red, his mouth dripping with food, spitting all of it out in a cough.

“You nearly killed me you incompetent… cough!” Tristan cried. “I couldn’t eat all of that at once! I was choking you dumb inbred incompetent idiot!”

“I’m… I’m deeply sorry, my prince. It wasn’t my intention. I… I lost control!”

“I saw that! We shouldn’t have asked for an oaf apprentice! We should have asked for a real magician! You’re not good at high magic, just good at petty entertaining tricks! Be gone, you’re making me lose my appetite!”

Evan swore it would be Tristan’s last insult.

Tristan was a pig – no, even pigs could be kind. Tristan was a big monster. A fat, cruel slob, unfit to rule a kingdom. A would-be tyrant. A spoiled, overgrown, cruel brat. A brat that needed to be taught a lesson. 

XXX

Master Rummuel had always told Evan that magic practitioners had the role of teachers towards mundane humans.

“To know, control and wield magic we have to know more about ourselves and other people than anyone will ever know. It opens our eyes and doors to other worlds, other gods, other perspectives. We learn so much… and through this knowledge we know how to act. We can be good, evil, both, of course we aren’t above moral. But we are aware of our own morals, and thus we can enlighten others. We can make them see how they are good, how they are bad. And reward them or punish them according.”

Now Evan understood what Master Rummuel meant. As he was looking through the old tome he brought with him, he understood.

For anyone not initiated to the high arts, this book was merely a collection of childish tales and nursery rhymes, with simple, crude illustrations. But it was much more. It was ancient. It was account of the deeds of old witches and fairies. It was filled with traditional spells, and folkloric rituals, and countryside common magic. And it was a testimony of wonders beyond human imagination.

Evan finally found the story he was looking for.

The tale of “The Boy Who Couldn’t Stop Eating His Soup”. Right next to it were illustrations. A sequence of illustrations, showing what happened to the boy, step by step until… he learned his lesson.

Evan closed the book with a smile on his face. It was the first time he smiled since he stepped into this damn castle.

It was time to play fairy tricks. 

XXX

“I wanted to apologize to you, my lord, for the incompetence I demonstrated during… the incident, at the last feast. I presumed too much of my own powers and put you in a great danger – something I will not forgive myself for. If you want to banish me, I would perfectly understand, but allow me first to offer you a gift of apology. A cake I baked myself. I am a poor baker, unfortunately, but I put my hands in the dough for I knew one of your favorite treats was the chocolate fudge cake. I hope you will like it.”

Tristan, sitting on his bed, a plate of dried meat resting on his fat belly, looked at the cake with bright eyes.

“It looks good… Indeed… But take a bite first. We haven’t found any taster replacement yet, and you know how it is, with poison and other things. Here, let me decide which bite you’ll have.”

Tristan took the fork by the side of the cake, took randomly a small part of the cake and handed it to Evan.

“Here, eat this.”

Evan obeyed, with a smile on his face. As soon as he gulped the cake down, the prince took the wizard’s face in his warm, plump hands.

“My prince? What are you doing?”

Tristan turned Evan’s face one way, another, before letting it go and sighing:

“You’re too bony. I can’t have such a skinny man near me, it feels like a personal insult and it ruins my whole outfit. It is dreadfully out of fashion. If you really want to be apologized, put on some pounds. At least get rid of those sunken cheeks.”

“I will, your majesty.”

“No, I don’t think you’ll do. You said it yourself, you are incompetent. I’ll have my personal meal planners put on your back and don’t try to run away from it. You’ll put on some pound or you’ll get kicked out.”

Tristan took the cake and started eating it.

“Oh, it would certainly sadden me to leave your court so soon.”

But Tristan wasn’t listening anymore. When the prince was eating, he only had eyes for his plates and ears for his cook, and all the rest could very well go to hell.

“It’s not very good, but it’s not bad at all. At least it’s decent. I can eat it. That’s already that.” The Prince said between gulps and munchings, as he was eating quickly and ferociously the dessert.

Evan waited until finally, Tristan took one of the mint leaves on top of the cake and ate it.

For the spell wasn’t in the cake. It was in the mint.

Evan clenched his first, looked deeply at the blubbery mass of the glutton, and muttered an innocent-looking little rhyme.

“Creosote and knuckles,

Frog for the ox,

Be the Wawel of Vistula.

Jester of the storm, make balloons of his gore.

The five winds be put in your bag.

You ate the house, be big as one.

If not for the gallows, be the waxing moon.

In the name of the cursed Halfling king.

Teach the moral, learn the lesson.

Become Sunday, and hatch my boy.”

Tristan stopped eating as his stomach emitted a loud growl. The Prince, briefly distraught, put a hand on his belly, and hearing no more, finished the cake, even licking the plate.

“Yeah. It wasn’t such a good… Burp. Such a good cake. Not a… It made me quite peckish, however. Servant! Bring me salted meat! I crave for some salty meat! With a lot of salt! And maybe… two, no, three apples!”

Evan smiled, bowed to his Prince and left.

Now, it was just a question of time.

[thisisnotthenerd]

and now for our 2022-23 intrepid heroes season:

quick episode descriptions:

no place for a prince or princess: first level one battle since the corn cuties. an army of constructs plus the fairy. buttoned up. crit to pull attention. the first of the red gems. running screaming puppet boy. ylfa's bottleneck. pib and alphonse. pib facing the fairy godmother. murph's bad turn. gerard is almost insta-killed. ylfa getting overwhlemed as everyone dies around her. gerard rolls an 18 and pulls the shard out of the fairy into himself. total party kill. ylfa is the only one who doesn't elect to fail.

the curdled web: trying not to fall off the web. first crit with a death blow mechanic. faerie fire on pinocchi-crow. spider drops from the ceiling. ylfa eats a spider. look alive, wet, naked spiders on your 10, 11, 12, 1 and 2 and behind the and the 10 and the 11. senator! we're all on our own in the dark, little boy. weird spider goo. ylfa crits. monster girl bonding.

trouble in tuffeton: cleaning up. mayor harold hopps. adult sleepover. gerard assisting crits. finding the ritual. the wicked fairy clawing her eyes out. you are seeing something you absolutely should not see, the face of a divinity you don't worship, the fucking smile of a devil that you never believed in. the children look into the face of horror. the stepmother eats grandma. pinocchio crits on cutting his strings. going to the lines between.

the baron of bricks: split narrative and battle episode. you came with a handmaiden, a butler, a jester, and a second butler. how do wolves like sex. the book is tugging. he's in the fucking stew. huff and puff, little girl. heat metal on the copper. stay mad, baby. giant moving spoon. the soup is lava and does 18d10 damage. he has eaten of the soup. mother goose goes down. spilling stock on the fires. little red riding hood successfully grapples the third little pig. 51 damage from the spoon. just another blue collar little cat working his job at the factory. full nelson. the culmination of pinocchio's story.

terror on toy island: a soft little touch. mer-king's insect plague. no daddy. pib getting the little guys. i'm so fucking scared! the water surges around the mer-king. the terrible dogfish is here. daddy-meter is spinning. pinocchio crits to figure it out. pinocchio screaming to wake the dead. with the eyes! you were about to instantly die. gerard is wearing full chain mail in the ocean.. rosamund & ylfa are swallowed. the sea witch shows up. murph causes a nat 20. call of destiny. rosamund gets the eye with a seven. i'm a lion in the water. pib's acrobatic crit. one v. one.

leap of faith: using the code word. red and la bete. pivot after pivot after pivot. gerard giving the note to elody and failing so hard. 🎶 her hair is everywhere! 🎶 pib succeeding by not being social. pinocchio starting off drinking whiskey with bubblegum and telling cinderella they have her book. timothy with rapunzel truly fucking it up so hard. rosamund and snow white. attempting to put cinderella in her book. jumping out the window. getting attacked by dwarves. nat 20 perception as they leave. nat 20 to repel the gander. we're the giants.

in the land of giants: we might be the giants. ice knife. princess or bully? a bunch of tiny wizards. jack 1v1ing timothy. get in the crevice. animate objects. fuck alphonse. a really sharp bird. gerard lands some hits. shatter on some birds with a side of existential crisis. ylfa critting twice to carry tim and take so many opportunity attacks. the goose is loose! pinocchio is attacked by alphonse and goes down. goose casts heal. failing on insight. you have collected all of the golden belongings of this battle. nat 20 save for alphonse a cricket shot a rocket at me.

the trials of baba yaga: the aftermath of pinocchio's persuasion. my hot form. pinocchio select. i'm always pissing. stray from the path, but stray together. gerard sees rapunzel, gives up his name for elody's, and goes full frog with a crown. rosamund encounters the fairies, gives up her true love, and takes on the briars again. ylfa meets her grandma, and walks her great-great grandma to death, having replaced the wolf. pinocchio eaves-peeps on the stepmother, gives up his chance at being a real boy, and gets the stepmother's name. timothy pulls artifacts & puts them in the book, and gives the baba yaga a full page. pib sees the tricksters, goes from a 33 stealth to an 11 performance, and somehow still tricks the giants, after giving his book away. piss stew. i cast banishment on the actual man murph.

the ending of all things (part 1): geas on scheherezade. pib crits immediately on rapunzel. the bird is dead. bad persuasion checks. scheherazade be normal. pinocchio persuades mira. i'm a fucking frog, elody. no one liked that. she poked me with a d4. ylfa drops la bete into oblivion. rosamund goes down, gets revivified and consumes thumbelina. gerard eats rapunzel. breaking concentration with vicious mockery. rosamund crits on snow white for an insta-kill.

the ending of all things (part 2): a friendly platonic kiss. ylfa gets scheherazade's book. crit on the blue fairy. animate objects. flat william. firing a rocket to knock a hat off. the concept of beaky. pib's very good turn. elody hits the hand. ocd boyfriend, add girlfriend. the stepmother appears. you're a dumb motherfucker and I'm going to kill you. using so much pc creep to get the orange hat fairy. crit on the stepmother. baba yaga is banished. pib kills god. almost everyone goes down. all rise to roll for the fate of the universe. 18 from zac. you've thrown the orange hat in the Box of Doom without any permission. stealing everything back from the baba yaga. determining their own stories in the end.

[sitp-recs]

Hey hey, I just found your blog so I'm sorry if you already recommended these fics (or don't do fic recs).

Do you know any drarry fics were there is some type of makeover like a house makeover, finding a new job, getting new clothes for Harry, ... Or Draco is just really stylish and sure of himself? I'm thinking something like Turn, House Proud, Heal Thyself or Let him lead me to the banquet.

If you know any fics like these which aren't drarry that would also be really nice.

Wishing you a lovely october :)

Hello, Happy October! I adore those fics you’ve mentioned, they’re all incredible. I do feel like astolat captures this proud, confident Draco perfectly - it’s one my fave characterizations! I think you might enjoy these fics if you haven’t read them yet, they’re a mix of makeover trope and fashionista/confident Draco:

Burning Down the House by @peachpety (M, 4k)

Harry is happy as editor-in-chief of The Quibbler. From planning to printing, design to deadlines, he enjoys being in the hot seat. And after vanquishing Voldemort, managing fires is an easy part of the job. Until his scorching crush on his impeccably dressed fashion editor flares out of control, and he's forced to face actual fires.

Sex on Legs in Six-Inch Heels by @tessacrowley (E, 9k)

Draco Malfoy is a brilliant freelance cursebreaker and the only one who can help the Department of Magical Law Enforcement with a very dangerous case, but more importantly, he's wearing six-inch heels, and Harry cannot handle it, he really just can't.

Haute Allure by @lol-zeitgeistic (E, 12k)

Harry is famous for his menswear now. Malfoy is the inside leg that he loves running his tape measure up.

Party of Two by fireflavored (E, 13k)

Drinking, sex, and a total misreading of the concept of fuck buddies.

A Saviour’s Guide to Manners and Decorum by @wolfpants (E, 13k)

Honorary Minister Harry Potter (yes, he's fully aware his job title is meaningless, and he quite likes it that way) is a disaster at public events. After seven years of dealing with his boorish behaviour, cringey table manners, and clumsy dancing, the Ministry's press team take matters into their own hands and hire Wixen Britain's leading Etiquette and Deportment Expert, Draco Malfoy, to take on the challenge of cleaning up Harry's image before the Ministry's 300th Anniversary Celebration Gala.

Queer Eye (For the Wizarding Guy) by Magnolia822 (E, 23k)

Harry’s life is fine. He might be a little disorganised, and maybe he needs a bit of a haircut, but he’s fine. Really. He doesn’t need a lifestyle intervention, especially when the one giving it is Draco sodding Malfoy and his team of queer fashion and design experts. Of course Harry’s friends disagree, and now he is stuck with Malfoy for a week. One of them might not survive.

Slithering by astolat (E, 27k)

Draco found the nest down in the Manor’s cellars, while he was clearing them out.

'Tis a Far Better Thing by @the-sinking-ship (E, 37k)

'Tis a far, far better thing doing stuff for other people — or however the Muggle saying goes — because Potter is in need of professional help, and Draco is just the man to give it to him.

Shine, Even in the Darkness by raitala (E, 41k)

Harry hasn’t seen Draco for over fifteen years, but now he’s showing up everywhere and Harry is sort of weirdly attracted to him, but that can’t be right?

Nights With You by @the-sinking-ship (E, 58k)

Draco is mortified when moments prior to departing for the most anticipated destination wedding of the year, he is cruelly dumped. But when he learns that Harry Potter has, at long last, split with his horrible boyfriend, Draco is certain his luck has changed. Never a man to squander an opportunity for revenge (and what would probably be a spectacular shag), Draco vows to make Potter his for the weekend. Now all Draco has to do is convince him.

Home Truths by @skeptiquewrites (E, 67k)

In the off-season Harry decided to fix up Grimmauld Place and found that Draco Malfoy was the only person who could help him. A demanding career and unrelenting press scrutiny were enough to deal with before Harry added a house with a mind of its own, family history, and a tense, flirty, complicated relationship with his childhood nemesis to the mix.

Life Lessons by @bixgirl1 (E, 68k)

On the cusp of a promotion, Harry needs a little help with his image. Enter Draco Malfoy — who doesn't really do that, Potter — to whip him into shape… and make him feel things he hasn't for a very long time.

Criminal by @the-sinking-ship (E, 83k)

Things were going just fine for Draco Malfoy. He successfully conned and counted cards across Europe and America, amassing a small fortune, along with a lengthy rap sheet. That was until he made the grave mistake of returning to England for a high stakes card game and got himself caught – by Harry Potter no less. Now, Draco is stuck in England under Auror Potter’s guard with no friends, no distractions, and no escape. How the hell will he pass the time? And since when did Potter get so bloody fit?

Bonus: art!

Dropped Dead Gorgeous by dustmouth (T)

Draco Malfoy is hired to organise a funeral party on the anniversary of Harry Potter's first death. This of course has everything to do with how he is a true artiste with lace, fripperies, and dead bodies, and absolutely nothing to do with why Harry Potter keeps inviting him out to dinner.

[spacemonkeysalsa]

God of Ambivalence

A tiefling Artificer splits a large stone on a beach to discover a one handed-wizard inside.

Pairing - OC/Gale & Shadowheart/Lae'zel but there will be more as it goes on.

Read Chapter One on Ao3

Read Chapter Two on Ao3

Read Chapter Three on Ao3

Read Chapter Four on Ao3

Read Chapter Five on Ao3

Read Chapter Six on Ao3

Read Chapter Seven on Ao3

Read Chapter Eight on Ao3

Read Chapter Nine on Ao3

Read Chapter Ten on Ao3

Read Chapter Eleven on Ao3

Read Chapter Twelve on Ao3

Read Chapter Thirteen on Ao3

Or read Chapter Thirteen below

For the first few moments of waking, and finding himself lying prone on a rather loud cot in the corner of the sanctum, everything else was still and quiet, and Gale felt tears prickling at the corners of his eyes before he ever knew why. He tried to breathe in that calmness, and savor the feeling of not remembering everything that was very wrong for a few moments. Then his mind caught up with the flickering light of the candelabra being lit for the day and he remembered it all:

The orb, more a risk than ever.

His life, lost to him.

Everyone he knew and loved, dead.

His home and possessions, he didn’t even know the state of: someone else’s property now? A ruin? Compared to all the rest it was such a small thing, but he ached from having absolutely nothing. A feeling of decay lingered around him.

Still a disgrace. 

Another sad story of a wizard who reached for too much and lost it all.

He glanced down his bare torso, where his stumped hand lay over his stomach.

The blanket barely covered him, but was still overwarm. As was typical in the early morning, lingering arousal held him, but satisfying that need wouldn’t be wise as long as his condition and that of the orb were so unstable. He’d just have to wait until it passed. It could take some time.

He didn’t need to use the facilities either, which alarmed him. It had been several hours. Did that mean he was still dehydrated?

Not an ideal day to be setting out on a journey, in any case.

But he couldn’t stay here.

“Awake?”

Gale didn’t look up from the cot right away, but bent his knees on reflex, and drew the blanket a little higher over his chest and ruined arm. A quick glance around the room showed him that Elion hadn’t entered yet, but lingered her the curtain over the archway, his horned silhouette stretching as the fabric swayed.

“It would seem so,” Gale groaned and sat up with a little effort, feeling a lopsided strain from only being able to use one arm, while the other tensed and curled into his empty stomach.

Elion lingered as an outline on the curtain and Gale realized he was waiting for permission.

“Oh, come in.”

Still, the tiefling hesitated a moment before parting the curtain and stepping inside. He held something.

As Gale came to understand what it was he wasn’t totally sure what to feel. Elion cupped the piece, a hand made of articulated metal. It had to be the purpose of this arrival, but he seemed oddly shy about it. Gale realized he was watching him, trying to discern a reaction, and Gale couldn't provide one, not intentionally, anyway. A prosthetic was practical. He should recognize that. A custom one was a gift. He should be grateful. But the loss of his hand was still so new as even just an idea. He should allow himself a moment to grieve the need for it. This was where he settled and he hoped Elion wouldn’t be offended by the small sad smile that he felt curling his lips and filling his eyes. Gods above, he needed to just get on with it. Patience for himself could come later. They had a task ahead of them and he needed to not be an emotional mess for it.

“It’s not just a prosthetic. It should act as a conduit. Probably more effective for your cantrips than anything.” Elion cleared his throat and managed to speak about the gift like that wasn’t what it was. “Do you… want to try it on?”

Gale managed a nod. He knew he’d have to say thank you eventually, but couldn’t quite bring himself to speak yet. A rare occurrence.

Elion took a seat beside him on the cot and showed him how the cuff could be fixed tight over his stump with just the pull of a strap. He wouldn’t need help with it as long as he still had his other hand.

It didn’t exactly feel comfortable, but Gale didn’t notice any pain right away either. That would probably change if he wore it constantly. The bone, barely guarded by a thin layer of skin, would chaff against the inside of the cuff. He’d need to change out interior padding, at the least, but it was already better than he’d expected, and tightening the strap to keep it in place didn’t cause any additional discomfort. Impressive.

“How’s the weight? The material I was working with was very dense, but I think I managed to refine it.”

The weight was so similar to the hand that he’d lost that for a moment Gale was able to close his eyes and fool himself. But it only lasted until he tried to move the dark articulated fingers and couldn’t. There was something to the metal that felt strange. “What did you use?”

Elion seemed reluctant to answer, “Infernal metal,” he sighed, “I know that’s a little…” he didn’t try and find the words for what it was. “It’s the best quality material available and easier to manipulate, especially if you want to incorporate any magical use with it.”

“It’s beautiful,” said Gale softly, observing the dark, still prosthetic where it lay on his thigh before he brought it up to his face. Basic cantrips had been inscribed in soft, faintly luminous chips of red and orange. The hand itself looked like it had been shaped by an artist, in that it was a leaner, smoother interpretation of a hand, rather than a true rendering. 

“There’s a small release mechanism here. You can make it grip and then use that to let go. Should be useful.”

“When you say it’s a conduit, do you mean it facilitates enhancement?”

“It can, but it’s a little more delicate, actually. Should help you be more… measured?”

Thinking he understood, Gale decided to test it. Mounted on the wall above his cot was an unlit candle. “Ignis,” it sparked to life. “Glacia.” He put the candle out again with a ray of frost small enough that the droplets of water evaporated before they could drip onto their head.

“You make it all look so easy,” Elion chuckled, “Did it help at all?”

“Oh yes,” Gale confirmed, throat a little tight. “Sorry. I am grateful. Thank you, sincerely,” he turned the hand over, feeling it with his remaining fingers. “Being quite so intentional with magic actually hasn’t come naturally to me. I eventually got to the point where I could weave spells around targets, or even keep things milder where it was more appropriate. When I was young, the difference between firebolt and fireball somewhat eluded me. That is to say, bigger and more intense has always been my inclination. Measured is good. It’s what I need.”

“Well. It will accommodate bigger and more intense, should that need arise,” Elion promised, somewhat mysteriously.

“What are you doing out here in the middle of nowhere, Elion? You’re clearly an artificer of no small talent. Seems they would have use for you anywhere you wanted to be. Why do you want to be here?” He mostly started talking as a way to distract from thinking about himself for the moment. But as he spoke, he found his interest was genuine. All things considered, he really had yet to know anything at all about the person who had rescued him from that stone.

“That’s kind of you to say,” but Elion’s smile was pained, he wrinkled his nose, “but not accurate at all I’m afraid. They’ve no use for me anywhere.”

“Absolutely can’t let you get away with saying that.” Gale held up his new prosthetic, for a moment he was worried that he’d moved too quickly and it would come loose, but it stayed fast. “This is far beyond useful, Elion.”

“Then I guess I’m exactly where I should be.” Elion didn’t exactly sound thrilled, but there was a more smile fighting its way through a vale of rugged stubble. His eyes took in the room around them, and he said “Need help packing?”

Gale actually laughed, “I have no possessions. Everything I own, I stole from this sanctum.”

“We should steal more. On our way out.” Elion slid off the cot and motioned to a discarded backpack from the ground beside the cot. Gale hadn’t put it there, but perhaps Elion had, with the intention of letting Gale use it. His tail parted the curtain as he turned around to give Gale another look before he left him in privacy to prepare. “We’ll be out front. There’s no rush.”

There was a bit of a rush though, wasn’t there? Gale wasn’t welcome here.

He looked at the well-crafted prosthetic again, a little more closely. Something tightened through his arm, almost as though he felt the sinews reaching out to it, pulling from the near constant ache in his chest that encircled the orb. He needed to feed it again. The prosthetic itself would make for a feast, but Gale hoped he’d never come to be that desperate. The hand was far too useful. As he stared at it, he thought he saw a glint of purple light glancing off the rune-carved palm and fingertips. Trick of the light, surely.

And perhaps it was his imagination, but as she stood up and began to gather what few personal effects he had, he thought he felt the hunger ebb.

A conduit? He wondered as he walked into the cavernous main chamber of the empty sanctum, if it was drawing from his will and his ability to channel the weave through his body, could it draw from the orb itself?

Gale pushed the thought aside with a mental snap. It was far too dangerous. No good could come from it. He shouldn't even entertain the thought.

Besides, it probably wasn't possible. He had never been able to exercise a modicum of control over the damn thing. Why would this new apparatus—as useful as it might be—change the fundamental chaotic and ravenous nature of the orb?

He wouldn't think on it again.

Given the overbright state of the courtyard, it seemed he'd been permitted to sleep quite late. Everyone else had the air of having been up for hours. To his relief, none of them seemed particularly restless. It was meant to be a rather easy journey, after all. Though, it was Erakis who described it as such, and Gale had to acknowledge that due to the man’s singular physique, he might have a different understanding of what was physically easy, that greatly differed from the average person.

The cleric walked right up to him, wordlessly checking him over with a sweep of her subtly mismatched eyes. She nodded, satisfied, if not pleased. “You're looking quite well.”

“Thanks to you.” He'd probably never see her again. “Truly. I can't possibly repay you, but do let me try, if you think of something.”

“A favor to Rolan is a favor to me and mine. I'm sure he'll have something he needs in return, assuming he can help you with your…” Shadowheart squinted, gestured to him. Sufficient.

Gale only nodded. He didn't have the slightest idea how Rolan might help, on his own merits. He didn't want to consider it again, but he had already spent a few exhausted hours on his cot the night before, walking through the most likely scenario. It was bleak. It would be painful, and humiliating. But, it might just save him.

Lae’zel’s farewell was limited to a sharp nod, but he was fairly certain that was actually quite a good get from her. Arabella was nowhere to be seen, and he'd barely spoken with the stone mason, so he said his farewell to a couple of cats while Xan had a longer conversation with his mothers, and Elion with his master.

Erakis lingered near the bridge, so Gale went to meet him. He traveled as light as Gale, with a small pack and a simple spear that could double as a walking stick. He said nothing as Gale came near, but held himself in a stiff, markedly unfriendly manner that Gale tried not to take personally. They would probably only be traveling together for a single day, afterall, and the man might simply have a preference for silence in a little adventuring party like theirs.

But, there was also something to be said for breaking the ice, and Gale found that he finally felt something like hope, with the road in front of him, and imminent death left in the past. He'd moped enough. The orb was quiet for now, his brain blissfully parasite-free, and he had a new prosthetic to get to know. It was time for a little normal conversation.

“Ever been to Waterdeep?”

“No.” Erakis answered quickly. So quickly that Gale didn't have a follow up question quite prepared enough to avoid the pregnant silence that followed.

“I remember it as the city of splendor indeed. But, I suppose a lot can change in a hundred years?”

Erakis shifted, seemingly very interested in the drop from the bridge into the ravine below. “I think, a hundred years ago it was a good place to find wealthy pricks, and it's still that, as far as I can tell.”

He wasn't wrong. “A little reductive, don't you think? And hardly unique.”

Erakis made a noise of assent. Still pointedly preoccupied with something inside his head or invisible.

“Where are you from then?”

“Baldur's Gate.”

Gale wasn't the best at reading when someone was lying. In his experience, it was best to just keep the possibility in mind, always, treat the person as though you took them at face value, and then plan a contingency, when necessary. It wasn't necessary here. If Erakis didn't want to be honest about his background, Gale couldn't yet see how that would affect him. More than likely the man just valued privacy and wanted to avoid any confrontation. But the fact that Gale, who was quite hopeless at picking up on deception, immediately picked up on it told him something rather interesting about Erakis: he was a bad liar.

“Baldur’s Gate? So, you're headed home! must be a relief to get back after weary travels.”

He couldn't fake enthusiasm, but Erakis nodded stiffly. In addition to this being their first conversation, this was also the first time Gale got a decent look at him. If they hadn't been two totally different races, he might've read more into the man’s similarities to Elion and assumed them to be kin. The both had strong facial features, though Elion’s were made a little sharper from the vestigial demonic touches of the hells. The irises of Erakis’ eyes were black, to the point that he couldn't discern the pupil. There was something pallid and sunless about his skintone, which seemed unusual for someone who was outdoors a lot, and had naturally darker skin in the first place. He'd done something different with his hair. When he'd seen him the day before it was long, lank and a bit wild, but he'd taken a sharp blade to it, it seemed. Gale felt a twinge of guilt as he considered that this new look may have been enabled by the fact that he had to wait around quite a while for his companions and didn't have anything else to do. He'd shaved down the sides of his skull and cut into some of the length, tying up the remaining mane on top of his head to keep it off his neck, though it still shaded his brow heavily. The new look made it easier to see the steel studs impaled through his ears, matching the heavy ring in his nose.

“How did you get like this, exactly?” Erakis indicated Gale’s entire body with the flick of one finger.

Gale had not yet had too many opportunities to try and explain himself, especially not to a total stranger. But, with the stranger in question also being a cagey liar who seemed reluctant to engage in much conversation, he thought that perhaps a flippant sliver of the truth would be enough to put the matter to rest. “Would you believe it was a grand romantic gesture gone horribly awry?”

“Yes,” said Erakis without hesitation. “Fucking wizards,” he added in a sigh.

It was the kind of thing that usually would have irked Gale, but wearily, he had to acknowledge that there was some merit to the sentiment. “Indeed.”

[james-sunshine-potter]

mary regrets not talking to james more, which she doesn't get.

they were never that close. they talked, they got along. they always got partnered in charms, always sat next to each other for seven years. she was always in the same friendship group him, mainly due to marlene. but then he started dating lily, and she just had to spend more time with him.

even before the war, mary never sought out james for one on one conversations. she never had the urge too. she never really considered him her friend, in her head he was always 'marlene's best mate' or 'lily's boyfriend'. never her friend.

it's not like she had any explicit problems with james, she did like him. much more in the later years than the earlier ones, but still. she always liked james. he stood up for the underdogs and fought the bigots the teachers never dealt with. she could, and always respected that. despite the childish pranks and larger than life attitudes, she never had a problem with james.

they were nothing but friendly.

she wasn't surprised when he joined the war. she wasn't surprised with how quickly he signed up, it was in his nature to protect the unprotected. she was surprised when he didn't have a problem when she didn't. in his words, 'just because i'm doing it, doesn't mean you have too... i understand the risks, and so do you,'.

he was one of the only people she ended on good terms when she parted with the wizarding world, looking for solace elsewhere away from the war. he sent a couple of letters, keeping her in the loop, some letters having small notes from other member of the order. telling about heists, missions, loss'. she found out through him about marlene... about dorcas. about harry and the wedding.

she grew to appreciate the letters, no matter how bad the news he was telling. despite the way things ended with the girls, she still worried about them. they haunt her nightmares and stalked her days. if the only way she was going to find out news about them was through the messager owl which was james potter, then hell she was going to write back.

she remembers his last letter. it was short and chilling. it wasn't a long one, it was quick, short. concise. it struck her so much, she remembers it word for word...

mary, september 2nd 1981

this will be my last letter. a lot has happened since i wrote in july. there's a prophecy, i still don't understand, i don't think lily does either. all i know is that it's about harry.

we have to go into hiding, no letters, no outside communication despite a few, no leaving. no nothing. all dumbledore's idea. if it keeps harry and lily safe, i'll do it.

i don't know if i'll send another letter.

stay safe, james.

he was right. he never did send another letter again.

she wasn't that worried in september, dumbledore was always known to be slightly paranoid. also any sort of 'prophecy' seemed like plain bullshit to her. obviously if both james and lily were taking it seriously, then maybe she should have been more worried sooner. there was no talk in the daily prophet about any drastic changes in the war, and there hadn't been any notable deaths.

by the beginning of october was when things changed for the worst for mary. there was huge talk in the daily prophet that the death eater's 'new focus' was on finding the 'hidden wizards'... which made mary weak in the knees, as she knew who those hidden wizards are. knowing that the split blood of james potter and lily evans had now become the no.1 task of the death eaters made her realise maybe dumbledore wasn't being paranoid. maybe he was right to lock them away, maybe he did a good enough job at hiding them.

maybe she was right in never joining the war. maybe marlene was right, maybe she did take the cowards way out.

it was weeks and weeks of new attacks and new attempts and no contact and sleepless nights and drunk days before halloween rolled around. the fateful halloween which followed with news of celebration that the war was finally over.

the war which ended with the brutal murder of james potter and lily evans.

mary wasn't surprised. she wished she was. she had finally talked to remus, after three years of nothing. she wished she was surprised that james died first, died willing to die if that meant lily and harry had a couple extra seconds to escape. but she wasn't. that's probably the most james potter thing she's ever heard. he would give up the last bit of oxygen he had if it meant someone else could breathe. she wasn't surprised that lily died too stubborn to move out of the way of her only child.

after halloween, it was pure and utter silence. peter was dead, sirius was locked up in azkaban and remus wasn't answering the phone.

and for days she read james' letters. she didn't know why, she just did. even in the darkest letters, in the darkest of times, he still managed to write with some form of optimism, even when it seemed impossible. all expect the last, when he basically wrote 'i don't think i'm going to survive'. the idea that james potter lost hope on his own life made her regret a lot.

who was she to decide she had no place in this war whilst james potter had basically given up by the end?

it made her wonder what james would say, it made her want to know what james thought, how he felt about it. and it was then when it dawned on her. she has no idea. someone she has known and spent seven years of her life with, someone whose always had some form of close connection to her... and she has no idea what he'd say about.

because she never bothered to learn. seven years, and she never bothered to have at least one personal conversation with him. she never thought to do it before, he always seemed a bit air headed to her. someone who couldn't be serious. the only times where she saw him be serious was playing quidditch and during a particularly hard time for him and his little group in fifth year.

it didn't take her long to be riddled with guilt about the time she wasted she now wanted. she wishes now she spent more time getting to know him, who he was really, not just the person he showed on the outside. knowing his fears, his wishes, his dreams, his quirks.

there are so much about james she only know is realising she doesn't know. his middle name, his birthday (she feels like it's april but she honestly couldn't tell you), his parents names, where he was born, his interests besides the obvious. it was almost embarrassing how little she knew about james. espically when she knows how much lily loved him. how much lily raved about him throughout seventh year.

her best friend loved him, and she never even tried to get to know him.

and now she'll never get the chance.

[mrsfezziwig]

Joe-ver, Traylor & Condescension

I know how I reacted to the news that Taylor Swift and Joe Alwyn had broken up because a fellow Swiftie I am close friends with via FB - I am housebound - gave me the 'terrible' news. Dissolving into fits of laughter apparently wasn't the reaction I should have had; whilst the rest of Swiftville collectively used sobbing emojis in tweets, Facebook status updates, Instagram posts and comments, I was among the few who were marvelling at the fact it managed to last six years at all. I was among those who were avoiding saying 'I told you so' by duct-taping our mouths closed.

Apparently it is morally reprehensible to speak ill of the dead, and Joe's career may as well dead as a door nail now he only has his... skills to fall back on. No one can ever convince me that this man got the roles he did because of his talent alone. Even if he was told that his almost god-tier performance in audition was what got him the role, directors and casting agents aren't stupid. Being linked to the whirlwind force that is Taylor Swift means that her immensely supportive fans will support those she loves, equalling higher ratings and more cash. Oh, and it would make doors firmly shut to these directors and producers before magically swing open with a 'tada' and jazz hands. But of course it was alllll Joe, it was no one else but Joe that pushed him into suddenly getting the role he went for each time. Yes, I am being condescending, but the reason I have been so purposefully scathing is having had the pleasure of working with this man pre-Taylor. I wasn't yet debilitated by my medical condition and my in-real-life best friend was working on the wardrobe for a show which Joe was in. She needed help with understanding knitting and other 'lady-like' skills, which I have experience with from the age of seven. My opinion of the man is formed from seeing his interpersonal connections and just how pompous he was then.

After the initial wave of 'oh no' and 'this can't be happening', the tide swept away the sand-like haze the fandom had been in and left bare the truth that everyone failed to see sooner. Joe thought Taylor was beneath him in terms of her craft. She wrote songs to go on albums that are insanely popular but also effete, passing fads and fripperies compared to 'real' artsy music. These song were dumb, unless he was in the credits because money doesn't matter; in his head he is a modern version of a 1920s bohemian who lives in a tiny studio surrounded by easels and clay, earning a pittance and drinking with friends every night as they discuss intellectual things the majority of people can't even pronounce.

Suddenly Swiftville filled with pauses then began to whisper about how Joe really treated Taylor, how his demands for a total blackout in terms of speaking about the relationship were kind of controlling, and that he liked living in the enormous apartment that Taylor rented in London, he just didn't want to be known as 'Taylor Swift's Boyfriend' like it's a disease.

I understand wanting privacy in a relationship but if became obvious quickly that Alwyn wanted to live like he was the star with an average everyday girlfriend who basked in his light, not the other way around. Sure, that privacy was perfect for the time they got together, Taylor was at her very lowest mentally and they were cocooned together, where he can imagine himself as the star like he desired. The pandemic didn't help when it came to being in that cocoon again. I genuinely and passionately believe the relationship would have ended after the Lovefest Tour, or even whilst she was actively touring but it would have been kept secret. A split from the person she wrote almost all of Lover about in the middle of promotion would have been tough to manage in terms of PR. Tree is an absolute wizard when it comes to that but she can't perform miracles!

The Midnights album and tour played a huge part in the break up, or the final, no going back break up as there were a few others according to what various sources have said. In addition I don't believe it was amicable at all, it was protracted and painful, particularly now we know 'You're Losing Me' was written in late 2021! My instincts tingle that they were over in late 2022, but Joe attended the Grammy after party to keep the ruse going for a while, although the why of this part I can't put together sensibly.

As the fuss of Ratty Healy fizzled out (what the fuck were you thinking Taylor?) and The Eras Tour continued on, a new beau appearead in Travis Kelce and it is where I begin to loathe some parts of the fandom. Just as Joe was condescending towards Taylor, her 'fans' are now being condescending to Travis, and that is never fair until you get to know more about them. If whoever is on Ms Swift's arm is a dick, we can call it out but so far, based purely on his podcast with brother Jason, he is a deeply genuine, generous, honest man.

As a time out I would like to look at why I think Taylor and Travis are great for one another, which is obviously only my opinion, this entire essay being based on those and a few podcast episodes, an NFL game I had to dig around on my TV package to find and which I understood literally nothing more of than that the grass was green and Travis was playing... Off I go-

This man is unashamedly himself. There's nothing hiding, he's not pretending the dorky side of him doesn't exist, he has embraced it for millions to see for years and years. He made a fucking friendship bracelet for her. This tall, strong NFL guy sat down and threaded tiny beads onto string with his phone number on. I mean... please? That's some of the cutest shit I have ever heard and probably just bumped my high expectations in what I want in a man into near impossible levels.

Travis is confident and comfortable in his own skin, there's no feeling inferior, he is already successful, in a career that does not sit in the arts sphere so he doesn't need to be Taylor Swift's Boyfriend to get parts in films or sell albums. I also noticed when he waited for Taylor to come off stage in Argentina, he kept his hands behind his back to ensure Taylor was the one in control of the PDA level. She could indicate what she wanted by reaching for his hand or, as we saw, run up to him and throw her arms around him. The mental image of the sequin purple dress as Taylor ran to Joe could practically be a copy paste of this but the second time around there was no hiding under the brim of his baseball cap like he was ashamed to be seen with someone who has mass market appeal. He was there in a shirt so unique he couldn't be misidentified by even an ET.

Now I want to move onto something more serious, something that I cannot believe Swifties considered acceptable to do: dig around in twitter and find tweets 12 years old with misspellings even though it is common knowledge that Travis is Dyslexic!

They dragged a man with dyslexia because his old tweets were misspelled. It was all a joke, of course (/s), but it isn't and shouldn't be, because it was Swifties looking at the tweets, creating a spiderweb thin veneer of being humorous whilst, consciously or unconsciously, thinking Taylor is too good for him because of it. They were trying to make it look like Travis was the dumb jock student who barely breathed near a book his whole life and Taylor the intellectual who uses big words in her songs that he could never understand. In what world is it okay to point out how her past boyfriends looked down on her only to do the same to Travis? This has truly pissed me off.

Oh, how I wish it stopped there but it doesn't. As the news got out of the budding relationship, more than one Swift 'news channel' said she was having a 'himbo' moment. A Himbo moment... How much more degrading can you get? They may as well have been blatant, not cowardly, hiding behind buzzwords and have said:

"He plays in the NFL? Urgh that is so puke, everyone knows those players don't have a decent braincell in their heads! This break up with Joe really hit her hard, Travis has to be a rebound, she couldn't possibly like this guy."

Well, it doesn't take much to find out that actually, Travis has a Bachelors Degree in Interdisciplinary Studies. He didn't have a need to complete his credits, his place with the Kansas City Chiefs is secure, but he still persevered, kept studying despite his difficulties with reading and writing and graduated in 2022. That's not even remotely easy and certainly doesn't make him intellectually beneath Taylor at all.

Another thing I saw and heard more than once was that Taylor looked bored at the Kansas game she attended, unable to understand what she watching and simply doing what others did to hide it. This was the 'first date' for them and she spent it with his parents, who, shockingly wanted to be there to support their son as they always did, in a private box. So much about this is stupid to the point I think these Swifties need to learn a lesson in humility! It's appalling that they are so arrogant, so indelibly stained with Taylor's genius-by-proxy that anyone or anything that sits outside of what they think she enjoys is only fit to be squashed beneath the queen's high heeled boots. Sound fucking familiar? What is laughable about it is that Taylor herself is incredibly humble and thankful and doesn't paint herself as a genius at all!

Scott Swift is a major, major football fan, a former(?) Philadelphia Eagles stalwart and possible Kansas Chiefs new sign up, therefore it is utterly ridiculous to suggest his daughter didn't pick up on the lingo, rules, statistics and points from hearing holy talk about it. Taylor was very responsive to the game, I found as many videos of her as I could to be sure of it, and there was no waiting around for others to react, she was up there shouting and jumping in all her glory, decked out in that perfect shade of red that suits her so well and following the game.

As for the whole 'mama on the first date' thing? Who are you to assume it's a date? Obviously it wasn't. In fact Travis has clearly stated that he invited her to hang out in his box and see him after the game, not as a date... And of all the videos and pictures I have looked up to try and get this opinion piece to be reasonably accurate, the laughter and smiles between Mama Kelce and Taylor look genuine, not like TayTay is playing a part in a movie as has been suggested by some.

By taking a step back from the stupidity and condescension you can see why they work so well, so here's my reasons for why I believe that:

Family comes first for both and they understand the closeness of a family bonded like that as Taylor's parents are her backbone through all the bullshit.

They are both successful and don't actually need one another. It's a position of equality for them both.

Travis has said in his podcast that the paparazzi are insane but he knows how to handle it. He knows that being with a global superstar comes with negatives but you have to decide if those negatives are manageable for the person in your life and he has decided he can hack it. Head down, hold tight to the hand and just go for whatever door you are aiming for.

As strange as this is about to sound, he's a man. At 6'5" he is just perfect for a woman of Taylor's height, she can still wear her heels and feel feminine beside Travis. He is bigger than her security guards and can take a few knocks if anything goes west.

He's a God-damn gentleman. He opened her door, kept hold of her hand tight so as not to lose her in the kerfuffle of photographers outside the SNL meal they went to and he let her pick her comfort zone in terms of hugs and kisses.

Culture. I mean in terms of holidays, traditions, norms and values. Most of the people she's dated have been British, and although we share much, we can never truly understand what Americans feel about their country. To us the idea of reciting a few words to a flag in the corner of a classroom each morning is very, very, very cult vibed.

Freedom. Sure that sounds weird but I mean it in the sense that Travis is a Swiftie, this man knows how utterly off the wall Taylor can be even before he took his friendship bracelet shot at her, and they complement one another in that sense. No judgement will be coming from this man at all, he'd more likely be the one with her on the dance floor as they moved in crazy ways like no one sees them.

They've agreed on how much they are willing to divulge. He consistently says in post game interviews that although he will openly say that they are dating, he won't say anything more than that without speaking to Taylor first, and it doesn't take Stephen Hawking to realise she'd tell him not to elaborate further. Whenever she's mentioned in the podcast it is usually about the fans, not our Queen directly, such as the Christmas single reaching number one on iTunes.

He. Wants. The. World. To. Know. Isn't that refreshing? From her songs alone anyone can deduce that Taylor enjoys being in love and wants that love shouted from the rooftops, she wants to be acknowledged by her partner. She is able to express this in song whilst her other halves generally haven't or if they have it's been too subtle. Going from being as closed off as Jaylor were, to Travis proudly saying they are together must feel awesome for her.

He likes her acknowledgement right back. If you haven't seen the video of his face and neck going red as Tay changed the lyrics to Karma for him, go find it and then come back and read this again.

With all the love and respect I have for Ms Swift, I pray, beg fate, give offerings to the gods, ask the universe to make this one be it for her. Of all the guys that have gone before there's no one like Travis Kelce in the mix and maybe this is the 1!

P. S. I chose Maroon because it is all said in the first verse...

[theultimatenonbinarynerd]

Doctor Who: The Sirens Of Time Review

Introduction

And here we have my first deep dive into the main range. Did it deliver? Absolutely for the most part. I'm really impressed that despite the first set of audios releasing 1999 they still hold up as decent listens. I have some Nicholas Briggs novels on my tbr so listening to Sirens Of Time was a brilliant chance to get a feel for his writing and it's a very good vibe I'm getting. This multi Doctor Story was very bold for being Big Finish's first ever Doctor Who release but the risk payed off for the most part.

It felt like the Classic Who version of Day Of The Doctor better fleshing out these three Classic Doctor's. Still on 1 in regards to my Classic Who watch but this was a really good way to get a feel for the other Doctor's and I liked how they all clashed in respective ways. Five is the nice awkward one, Six is the stubborn one and Seven is the traumatised wizard trying to hold the group together. Peter Davison, Colin Baker And Sylvester McCoy play their chemistry together really well. I also love how we got to know The Doctor's separately in single episodes before they all teamed up in the final part.

Was a bit off putting it being companionless but extra characters would have made this convoluted story even more convoluted then it already is. The sound design added to the while eiree listen and despite it being two hours long it felt like ages to listen too. Despite having not seen much off it I still could believe that I was watching an episode of Classic Who. It was tense and the cliffhangers had me on the edge of my seat. It shows me that Big Finish were definitely the right people to trust with the Doctor Who licence. Maybe I'm too generous but there haven't been any real stinkers for me yet.

So let's get on with the review....

What I Liked

As mentioned in the introduction The Sirens Of Time perfectly pays tribute to Classic Who with its structure of a full on screen story arc. It's also very brave and bold in the story it tells the listener.

I loved the aesthetic and feel of this audio. 1999 and the audio still holds up aesthetically, as with other Big Finish audios I can easily close my eyes and picture what's happening on screen. What was happening was really dark too. It's formated exactly like Classic Who and stays true to the shows style. Like I said I haven't seen much of Classic Who but through the writing you can tell how much respect Nick Briggs and the rest of the Big Finish team have for the source material. This story felt like the Classic Who version of Day Of The Doctor with the high stakes to save Galifrey and all of time itself. I also love how the full audio is split into several different parts and that it uses each part to build and introduce each Doctor before they all come together. It also means that as a result its a great jumping on point for new listeners. If your new to Big Finish and want a taster this definitely is the story to start with.

Secondly I need to praise the creativity and bravery. Doctor Who hasn't done much adult or dark content due to constraints but The Sirens Of Time goes wild and that is its strength. No confined by TV ratings. Nick Briggs and the team are able to pull off a truly fantastic time whimey story that really explores the time travel aspect of the show and the butterfly effect. Without spoilers I can say that it really expands on The Doctor's character and shows that he isn't always right. It also has a villian that's really compelling, the villians motive is really basic but the methods and means they use to get what they want is super dark and disturbing. Your on the edge of your seat the entire time praying all The Doctor's will be okay and that everything will be okay in the end.

Finally the sound design. Considering the fact that this is one of Big Finish's oldest Doctor Who audios it's really impressive how well it manages to still hold up. Released in 1999 and its still brilliantly edited together. It felt like I was watching a serial of Classic Who. I was very immersed and able to easily visualise the story in my head as I listened. The sound scapes are perfectly designed by Nicholas Briggs allowing you to feel immersed in the location, when your on Galifrey you feel like your on Galifrey. When your on a planet with quick sand, it feels like your on a deadly planet with quick sound. It's not a hundred percent perfect but it's really good for its time. It shows the potential to grow Big Finish has and it has indeed. The Sirens Of Time is worth if for the sound alone.

It's fantastic 👏 and made excited to look at other main range stories.

What I Disliked

As its the very first Doctor Who audio produced by Big Finish its not perfect but it's still very enjoyable. More like an 8/10 for me but I enjoyed it more than other people. They are more like nitpicks but still valid ones.

In two hours a lot of things happened and the set up was well done but I think it happened to rapid for me. I'm use to the normal landing place let's explore formula but instead nearly five minutes in we're head first into the action and considering the fact that it's 2 hours I wish there was room to breathe. It also would have helped if we get proper build up to Five being separated from his companions instead of it happening off audio. With 2 hours it really felt like there should have been more time to breathe with each Doctor instead of diving head first into an action packed timey whimey plot.

Another thing is that I feel while we got to explore The Doctor's flaws as a whole, the stakes were mainly high for only Five. He was a punching bag for the whole story and as a result it left no chance for Six and Seven to get their own angst defining moments. Give the timelord a break he was two other incarnations to explore. With him being the Punching Bag it kind of felt like he had nothing to do and no purpose to being there other than exposition. I still liked Five in this story though don't get me wrong.

Conclusion

Overall I'm now committing myself eventually to the main range at least the first 50 and then I I might buy some of them in the future as it seems like a reasonable good range to sink my teeth into based solely on listening to The Sirens Of Time and Phantasmagoria. I'm generally blown away and it shows the high standards that the Big Finish team have. I can't wait till I can get to the Davison, Baker and McCoy eras of the show.

I'm really getting use to this episodic format and it's really entertaining to listen too. There's definitely gonna be more intresting original villians and big plot twists to come. I only felt a little bad for what happened in the end but Sirens Of Time does a really good job at balancing showing The Doctor's strengths and flaws. It's a really decent start. I also loved exploring all the different settings despite no visuals.

I'm so excited to dig into more Big Finish next year and be blown. I plan to listen to Zagerus next year and I've heard that's weird. Every Doctor seems to have something different to offer which is absolutely thrilling.

Highly recommend giving this one a listen for free on Spotify. The first 50 main rages are on Spotify for free so do give it a go if you can't afford to buy audios.

Bonus:

On my Storygraph @melsage1823 I am doing a public listening challenge with Big Finish prompts to make my first year of listening easier and more fun. Which I might bring back next year.

Basic prompts of listening from Doctor's 5-12 excluding War and Ten. With some bonus prompts of course. Its been really entertaining filling these prompts as I go along.

Feel free to join if you want to

Here's the link:

Until the next review whovians! 😀

-Melody-

They/Them

[artemisia-black]

One-shots

Sirius during OoTP- A series of gen canon-compliant one shots exploring Sirius’s emotional state, how he got Crookshanks to order a boom and his reaction to having prison groupies. 

Women of the House of Black series - a collection of oneshots exploring the lives of the women of the house of Black.

When Harley met Sirius - The story of Sirius's motorcycle told in three scenes.

Fiat Justita - The 3rd November 1981, was Sirius's 22nd birthday and his second day in Azkaban.

The Seven Names of Mrs Zabini- Black-widow, whore, murderer are all words which are synonymous with the infamous Mrs Zabini.

But who is the woman behind the legend?

From her humble beginnings in Rimini, to her education at Beauxbatons and multiple marriages, this is her tale, in her own words.

Sirius Black and the Goblet of Freud -Set in the Dog and Deer AU where Voldemort is never born. Insert contrived situation where Dumbledore has forced Walburga and Sirius Black into therapy. And after three months it's not going well.

Drabbles

A Memorial service for Sirius and Regulus

Sirius and Remus talk after the Shrieking Shack

Sirius and Orion

Sirius enchanting his motorcycle

Sirius in Dumbledore's office at the end of GoF

Character study of Fleur during the Weighing of the wands

Sirius and James attack Bertram Aubrey

Tom Riddle's first day at Hogwarts

Regulus's final moments

A happy childhood memory for Regulus and Sirius

WIPS

Pietas

Sirius Black is the outsider of his family who chafes against the rigidity of pureblood society and the expectations of being the Black heir.

In a last ditch effort to bring him into line, Arcturus Black has negotiated a match with a pure-blood Italian girl.

Set against the lush backdrop of Wizarding Italy family tensions simmer and come to a boiling point.

This is the story of the week leading up to Sirius leaving his family, setting Regulus on the path of destruction.

The Dog and Deer Detective Agency

Set in an AU where Voldemort is never born.

James and Sirius are both the best of friends and brilliant wizards, and not wanting to be tied down to a 9-to-5, they founded a detective agency.

A year in, they have had a steady business from scorned spouses until one day a woman arrives and draws them into a sinister plot in the Scottish Highlands.

D+D cut scene

Musings on my writing 

Sirius's core traits in D&D

Catholic imagery in my fics

How I built Aeliana's character

General Metas

The dark mark: imposing stigma on a privileged class.

Institution or Prison: Mental health in Harry Potter

Nearly Headless Nick: An earthbound soul

Voldemort and Class

Voldemort and the riddle house

Nagini and Orientalism

The importance of the Soul in the HP universe (joint meta with @ashesandhackles)

Barty Crouch JNR and SNR Meta

Peter is emotionally intelligent

Peter is intelligent

Character analysis of Kingsley

Character analysis of Lily

CoS: Outward persona and internal Morality

Sirius Black, Mental Health and Masculinity

Part one

Part two

Part three

Part four

Sirius Black and Complex trauma

Feminism and Mental health

Walburga Black: the madwoman in the attic

Bellatrix: Mental health and the feminist lens

Bellatrix villain origin

Grief in PoA

The Dementors and Harry's Complex grief

Padfoot and the Liminal Space

Sirius Metas

Padfoot and Prongs: an analysis of the friendship

Sirius and Walburga's similarities

Sirius and Walburga: the passive-aggressive Sticking Charm

Regulus and Sirius's relationship

Sirius and Regulus similarities

Sirius and Orion Black

Sirius and Lily

Sirius and his cousins

Sirius's views on Death-Eaters: The world isn't split into good people and Death-eaters.

Grimmauld Place: Azkaban by a different name

Part one: Sirius and the shadow of being a Black

Part two: A Victim of the system he was born to rule

Sirius's sense of humour

HC about Sirus's reading habits

Misconceptions about Sirius's character

Part one-Sirius was not an immature man -child

Part two- Sirius is both emotionally and academically intelligent

Part three- Sirius is not a playboy/non committal fuckboi

Regulus metas

Regulus Black character analysis

Analysis of the Horcrux note

The Black Family

HC about Walburga's Portrait (I just wanted her to have some nuance lol)

Melania Black HC

Arcturus Black HC

Harry inheriting Grimmauld HC

Wizarding Dowries

[marvelsmylife]

A comic con you’ll never forget

Pairing: Sebastian Stan x reader 

Plot: when the reader attends wizard world to meet Sebastian Stan she didn’t expect that Sebastian would give her his number, let alone sneak away to have sex.

A/n I REALLY wanted to have this out for you guys so I decided to split this is half and having part two be full on smut.

Today was the day. Today you were going to meet Sebastian Stan at wizard world and you were freaking out. You’ve been following Sebastian’s work since 2007 when he appeared on gossip girl. Yeah, he’s done some questionable movies that if he wasn’t in it you were pretty sure you’d never see the movie (the covenant) but you just wanted to support him.

The day when you found out he landed the role of Bucky Barnes in Captain America: The First Avenger was the happiest day of your life. You knew that it was going to be the role that got him noticed by more people and they were going to love him like you’ve loved him for the last couple of years. You were right about people loving Sebastian when Captain America: The First Avenger was released.

Since the release of the movie Sebastian was booking more roles and his fan base grew every day. Because of that, he started attending comic cons so he could meet them. Sadly you weren’t able to attend any of the comic cons because they were so far away, that was until the one today.

You were waiting nervously in line at the photo opt for Sebastian. The entire time you were trying to think of something to say but your mind went blank when it was your turn to take your photo. Once you were face to face with Sebastian you asked him “can I hug you?”

Sebastian smiled sweetly at you and replied “Of course you can” and pulled you into a hug. “This might be out of line, but can I get your number?” Sebastian whispered into your ear.

You stayed quiet for a few seconds as you tried to process the fact that Sebastian Stan actually asked for your phone number. “Y-y-Yeah of course” you replied and pulled away from the hug.

“Great can you leave it with my assistant netania” Sebastian then pointed to the photographer who was about to take the picture.

After they snapped the photo Sebastian gave you one more hug before he pointed to netania who was standing off to the side. Your nervous started creeping up again as you walked over to netania and told her “Umm Sebastian asked for my number and told me to leave it with you”.

Netania laughed and replied “So that’s why he was pointing at me” before she handed you a pen and paper. After writing your number “you must be very special, he never asks for fans numbers during these things. Wait please tell me you’re at least eighteen, I don’t want him to get into trouble if you’re underage.”

“Don’t worry, I’m twenty seven” you assured her before you walked away and started making your way to the auditorium where Sebastian was going to have his panel. Two hours later you found yourself a seat in the auditorium and waited for the panel to begin.

Throughout the panel, you contemplated whether or not you were going to ask a question. You decided to ask a question when Sebastian and Anthony were receiving rude comments from some of the fans in the crowd. “What is your question” the host of the panel asked.

A smile appeared on Sebastian’s face when he spotted you in front of the microphone. “Hello!! Firstly, I want to say that although I’ve followed Sebastian’s career longer than Anthony or Tom, I love all of you guys equally.” That caused everyone in the room to start laughing because you were calling out the people who were being rude to Sebastian and Anthony.

“Thank you for letting us know, now what is your question?” Anthony smiled at you and caused Sebastian to glare at him for a split second before he realized there was a sea of people staring at him.

You looked over at Sebastian for a few seconds before you responded: “My question is actually for you Anthony, I’m attending Juilliard in the fall for drama and I wanted to know if you had any advice?”

“First of all, congratulations on being accepted. I know Juilliard is a tough school to get into” Anthony replied and started giving you advice you were definitely going to take when you started school. “I hope we’ll get to work together in the future.”

There were audible awes from the crowd at Anthony’s words “thank you so much, and again I love you guys and I hope you guys have a great day”. With that, you walked back to your seat so you could watch the rest of the panel. Unfortunately, your phone started to vibrate and when you check to see who was calling or texting you, you noticed a text message that said: ‘Meet me outside’. Looking up from your phone you noticed Sebastian was staring at you with his phone in his hand. ‘What about the panel ?’ you texted him back and not even a minute later he replies ‘don’t worry about it, just go’.

You quietly got and made your way to the exit and waited patiently before you heard a familiar voice. “Come with me” Sebastian grabbed your hand and lead you to a restricted area of the building.

“What are we doing here?” you asked but got your answer when you felt Sebastian’s lips against yours. You didn’t kiss him back until a few seconds later when he was trying to slip his tongue inside your mouth.

Once Sebastian felt you kissing him back he started running his hands all over your body until they landed on your ass. He was about to unbutton your pants when you pulled away. “What’s wrong?” Sebastian had a confused look on his face.

“What if someone walks in on us?” you asked.

“This is a restricted area so no one is allowed to be here” Sebastian responded. He was about to reach out and try to unbutton your jeans again when you stopped him “wait, do you not want to do this?”

You got down on your knees and started undoing his jeans and pulled out his cock before you took in your mouth. Sebastian let out a slew of curse words as you begin to give him a blow job “hmmm” you hummed when you felt Sebastian’s hands on your head and started thrusting into your mouth.

“Jesus Christ” Sebastian bit his lip as he thrusted faster into your mouth until you started gagging. You were about to play with his balls so he would cum faster when you heard footsteps. “Shit I think someone is coming” Sebastian pulled away and tucked him before he helped you up.

When Sebastian turned around he spotted a group of celebrities and their bodyguards walking towards you guys. “Hey look, there is more seating over here. Oh hey Sebastian, is it alright with you guys if we hang out with you guys? It’s crowded in the other break room.” Wil Wheaton asked.

“Of course you can, the more the merrier” Sebastian replied and placed his hand around your waist. Just as you stepped aside so the other celebrities and their bodyguards could pass Sebastian whispered: “We’ll pick this up in my hotel room.”

[the-tiger-with-a-computer]

Twisted Wonderland NoSleep Au

Heartslabyul Part 2

For now on this Au will be called the NoSleep Au as a reference to the subreddit that helped to inspire this Au. So a quick recap, Yuu has mentioned that something is VERY wrong with their town but refuses to talk about it which worries the others and when they went to see about getting Riddle to remove the collar Cater said that they need to get a apology tart and then the school day officially begins.

Yuu: So, we have potions class first right?

Deuce: Yup.

Ace: Who was the professor again?

*Then the professor walked into the room*

Crewel: Glad to see such fresh new faces in my homeroom. There are some rare hair colors in the bunch, not bad, make sure to take proper care of it. My name is Divus Crewel and I am your potions teacher. Class will begin. I will beat the names of 100 types of medicine and poison into your little brains. We'll cover fungi later, no memorize these so you don't get yourselves poisoned. Dogs will eat anything that they find on the ground. Your training will be strict and I better not see any red marks on your tests.

Deuce: What's a fungi?

Yuu: Any type of spore-producing organism, they also cluster together sometimes.

Deuce: Thanks.

Ace: I'm no good at memorization.

Yuu: I can help you later Ace.

Ace: Thanks Yuu.

*Next up was History, which Yuu was very exited for*

Trein: I am Trien and I am in charge of your history lessons. This is my familiar, Lucius. You will learn about the history of magic that has brought prosperity to the world. Participation in class will affect your grade, not just reports. I will not forgive sleeping in class. Open your textbooks to page 15. We will start with the discovery of magic crystals in the Dwarf's Mines. Magical energy spread throughout the world after this century. We call it the "Beginning of Magic".

Ace: This is boring.

Deuce: Didn't we go to those mines?

Yuu: I think so.

Grim: I want to use magic already.

*Third period was Athletics which Yuu was less exited for. Also this is going to be SO long, what I will do now is just give a general rundown of the class, teacher, and Yuu's thoughts on the class*

The teacher for this class is a man named Vargas. He boasted about how healthy and fit he is and how it is important for wizards to train their muscles and stamina. Fun fact, Yuu might be a great runner but they have no overall strength or stamina whatsoever, so this class proved one of the most challenging classes for Yuu.

After this class Grim tried to run away saying that he wanted to learn magic. It took a while for the group to catch him. During lunch they got into trouble with some other students, but thankfully Yuu was able to defuse the situation. After that the group saw Cater with another student with green hair. That person was Trey, and he explained to Yuu and Grim about the seven dorms and their quirks. When talking about Diasomnia another student by the name of Lillia appeared to talk. It was very surprising but Lillia was very kind, though the students that were with him did not look that way. But when Ace started bad talking about Riddle, Riddle overheard and decided to not remove the collar. Ace then earned a smack on the head from Yuu. After Riddle talked about how rule-breakers should not be forgiven Yuu felt as if something was off. As if there was a darkness overtaking Riddle, after all Yuu could understand where he was coming from, their home had a lot of strange rules that are meant to keep everyone safe. One wrong move could lead to your death, or in Yuu's case, having their left eye completely removed. Then Trey explained how Unique Magic worked and how it's a type of magic that only they can use. Back to the whole tart situation, Cater said that Trey is a baker and that he could help them. Trey was happy to help but asked the group to gather chestnuts for the tart. So it was off to the forest after class.

Ace: So we have to collect a lot of chestnuts. How should we do this?

Yuu: First, we need a basket to hold them, and since chestnuts have thorns we need something to grab them.

Grim: They have thorns? Thanks Yuu, I was about to start picking them.

Deuce: Well, I think there should be what we need in the botanical garden.

Ace: Then let's go take a look.

Deuce: There should be a caretaker, we should split up and look for them.

Ace: I'll go left.

Deuce: I'll go right.

Yuu: Me and Grim can go straight to the back.

Grim: There are many good stuff here. I just might eat some!

Yuu: Grim, don't or else there will be no tuna for you.

Grim: Fine. But it better be good tuna.

Then Yuu felt like they stepped on something.

???: Hey, you got some nerve stepping on someone's tail without saying anything.

Yuu: I'm sorry about that. I was looking for the caretaker.

???: I was in the middle of a nice nap. Then you came and walked all over my tail. This sucks.

Yuu: Again, I'm so sorry.

???: Hang on a moment. Aren't you that herbivore that the mirror said can't use magic? *Snif snif*

Yuu: *Why is he smelling me?*

Leona: You really don't have a speck of magic on you. I don't feel like taking on an opponent that can't resist. But I, Leona, can't just let you walk away after you stepped on my tail. I was having a nice nap, but now I'm pissed.

Yuu: *He's gonna hurt me!*

Then, thankfully, another student came in and told Leona that it was time for his lessons. He also said that if Leona kept being help back, then they were going to be classmates. Leona left, but not without giving Yuu a warning.

*Outside Yuu explained everything to Ace and Deuce.*

Ace: Yuu is right, that was definitely not the caretaker.

Grim: He was wearing a yellow vest.

Yuu: I think that he was from the Savanaclaw dorm.

Deuce: Is it just me, or are there a lot of delinquents at Night Raven Collage?

Yuu: It's not just you, I've noticed it as well.

Ace: Anyway, our chestnut pile is really big. Let's get them back to Trey.

*This is already starting to look a bit long so I will end it here. The next park will take place when the gang get back to Trey. Until next time.*

[jq37]

The Report Card – Fantasy High: The Seven Ep 3

Let’s Split Up and Look for Clues! 

Welcome back to the Seven and the Museum of Adventuring. My previous pronouncement of combat was a little premature but hold tight, we’ll get there. For now, we’re back with Antiope who just saw a glimpse of the Ending of Things (aka, Ending) and is freaking out a bit. She tells the others and they all do various checks to see what they can find out.

Ostentatia casts Commune With City and clocks that there is some kind of abjuration shield magic on the government buildings in town, stopping them from being spied on. She also clocks some lingering undead-ish magic and a weird divination effect on Antiope, specifically on the Aguefort logo of her jacket, like someone scryed on her and just got that she had something to do with Aguefort. At this, Penny reminds her that the only true piece of info they gave Ending when they broke her out is that they were from Aguefort.

Sam with a 19 Insight still feels the connection she and Ant have with Ending because of their spells turned against them in the initial encounter. Yelle does a Perception check (27) and once again doesn’t really get bad, dreadful, menacing vibes. But also, she recognizes that she’s chill with a lot of things most people don’t love. 

Antiope reiterates that she texted Charity that she’s interested in the internship so she can learn more info--even better now that they know the buildings are safe from scrying. Yelle remembers Aguefort’s warning about people watching them and Sam asks Zelda if her “weird boyfriend” (“he’s actually really cool”) is friends with the elven oracle. Zelda says yeah, they’re both friends with Adaine, she can ask about any weird divination stuff. Sam makes sure to specify she should look into TK but NOT Ending, no doubt remembering what happened when she tried to do a spell on her. 

It’s been a big day as Zelda says so they all go to the TGIF-esque Slappy McFinnigans to celebrate (which Sam has problems with--the fact that they’re celebrating I mean, but she’s mainly ignored). They’re quickly kicked out because Katja can’t help herself from trying to brush the mane of their centaur server and they reconvene at the more their speed SlamBurger, where a horse can fully destroy a soda machine to absolutely zero reaction.  Zelda says that Ostentatia was right in that they should all do the quest because it doesn’t close any doors and they have the 2 weeks to figure things out. They all seem a bit more on the same page (though Sam is still pretty frosty towards Ant) and start making plans.

Before they leave, Yelle pulls aside Ant and Sam and says hey, first of all, you two are still linked to Ending from before. Second of all, I know y’all are Going Through It right now and you don’t have to talk about it or make up right away but you need to get your heads in the game and you need to know that you’re both loved and still family. 

Penny, Zelda, Katja, and Ostentatia go back to the museum to try and get more information for their quest. Katja goes to the information desk (horse in tow, of course) and just starts asking information about TK. She’s told that she’s one of the museum’s benefactors and has been missing for years, and hey, do you understand that a museum’s info desk is about where the water fountains and exhibits are, not just random information about the world?

Ostentatia bails her out by calling her over so she can do her plan which is just to walk into the back area like she owns the place. Now, Aguefort students do have a certain level of clearance to be back there and she does have her school ID. But instead of explaining that, she tried to use her Earrings of Diamond Charm to charm the employee she runs into which fails. And then she does a pretty good tag-team lie with Katja about how they NEED to pass a class but that doesn’t fly. Then Ostentatia tries flirting which ALSO doesn’t work. Zelda at this point steps in and just headbuts the dude so they can book it away. I personally would have gone with, “Do you know who we are? We killed the dragon that’s your current main exhibit,” but you know. No backseat adventuring. 

While this is happening, Penny is stealthing like a pro, looking for anything Arcana related. Ostentatia and Katja also did checks (O getting a nat 20) and we’ll go through all their info gathered now. 

Katja basically gets info on TK we kind of already knew. She was a benefactor of the museum. She’s centuries old like Aguefort. She was concerned with consciousness and divinity and specifically how will and divine will manifested, as well as elemental magic.  

Ostentatia gets a lot of info with her Nat 20. She gets a full map to the temple where TK went which is called the Temple of Earth Defiant. The point of the temple is that it’s up in the open air and harsh winds--wind being a symbol of chaos and unpredictability to dwarves--but they still use it as a place to honor their heroes and they rebuild and upkeep it despite the erosion and how hard it is to get there. It’s hallowed from evil and lots of stories about it involve heroes racing there for sanctuary. It was made by dwarves but it’s a pilgrimage site for other primordial beings like goliaths and earth genasi (which is what TK is). There are 3 heroes who have big statues here: Asha Hammerheart (a SUPER dope name I must say), Yvonna of the Sundering Hills , and Kora Ironbrow.

Penny finds that, amongst Kalvaxus’s hoard there were 7 unrecovered artifacts--the Mirrors of the Eidolons (which are the smashed mirrors they found it seems). Eidelons are kind of like the elemental plane version of angels/celestials. They’re primordial (remember Katja saw primordial language on the wall of the dragon cave) and kind of aligned with things like titans and genies. Raw element with no agenda (unlike celestials and demons and such which have a clear alignment which makes up the D&D religious system). It is said by wizards--who look at these things in more of a nuts and bolts way than say clerics who take the fuzzier religions view--that Eidolons are the hands of the gods because gods are beings of spirit--how could they form the physical world. Will of the divine manifested by elemental beings? Sounds right up TK’s alley.

Sam decides she’s desperate enough for information that she calls her mom who she is understandably snippy with. Her mom gives her a contact to talk to when she asks about TK but Sam stonewalls her on show business talk. She tries to play the “mother knows best, you’ll thank me later,” in a kind of Gothel-y way while acting like anything in the past never happened and says Sam is attacking her but when Sam accuses her of neglect, she proves her right by hanging up the phone.

Sam then calls the number and it turns out to be Lola Embers (Fig’s agent) who has been waiting for Sam’s call for ages and wants to talk to her, even though she’s currently chasing her dog across the park. She says she met TK once at a genasi woman networking thing and also says she once saw Charity get into an argument with TK over government funding or not getting a grant or something similar. She then says she’s in a lake trying to get her dog and Sam, being a water genasi who can breathe underwater and also a fundamentally good person even though she’s currently being aggro as hell, goes to the park to help her. Lola assures her that if she’s ready, she’ll help her get new acting gigs and that the world is ready for the new her. 

Yelle meanwhile casts Speak With Plants on some trees near TK’s office and, after a super stoner to stoner conversation, gets a magical footprint trail of where she ran off to when she absconded 12 years ago. 

Antiope (who is in a sports bra because she destroyed her top with the Aguefort logo since that’s what was pinged, revealing in a wild, nat-1 fueled retcon that she got a tramp stamp reading “Leader” in the Red Waste) goes to see Charity to fill out some paperwork, ingratiate herself, and perhaps get some info. Charity has her hot, young, assistant (who Antiope is instantly crushing on) give Ant his shirt (and Charity’s lack of surprise at seeing his 4 horses pulling a chariot tattoo makes the group think they’re def banging). She kind of explains what the Ministry does and Antiope boils it down a bit to snitching on other adventurers. Charity says it’s more of a who watches the watchmen situation and visibly twitches when she has to say the word “snitch”. 

When she takes a second to call Antiope’s dad, she accidentally leaves a tab open on her computer which has TK’s file open (probably up from when the Maidens asked about her earlier). Antiope sneaks a peek and learns that the artifact that TK stole is called the Legendarium Extrodia and it tracks quests. It seems that at some point TK must have had top level access to get her hands on it. It also shows that TK was marked for assassination (which seems like a pretty good reason to get the heck out of dodge). Brennan also says she’s learned enough that she can use the L.E. if she finds it. 

At this point, Yelle tells everyone to come back ASAP so they can follow the magic footsteps. Antiope wants to come but doesn’t want to burn bridges with Charity (or chances with Preston--equally important) so she, at Katja’s suggestion--pretends to have diarrhea and is Nat 20 convincing. Interesting choice for the end of the first meeting with a person you’re crushing on. But Preston is actually pretty supportive as she races out the door as fast as possible.

The Seven follow the footsteps out of Solace and it becomes clear that TK was headed to the dwarven temple Ostentatia learned about. This is a multi-day journey so Cinnamon sings a glorious, magical, horse song and summons mounts for everyone which I will now name because this is obviously the most important part of the episode:

Snowfire - Danielle

Taffodill - Sam

Alagonia - Antiope

Candyheart - Penny

Starforge - Ostentatia 

Strawberry Dancer - Zelda 

Crucial info. 

As they travel, Antiope casts Primeval Awareness and gets that there is something ancient in the mountain. They travel through Pilgrim’s Pass (a village area most travelers to the temple pass through) but find it completely razed to the ground. They investigate. 

With an 18 Survival check, Antiope finds tracks that seem halfway between dog and cat. There are more than 4 legs and it’s hard to tell how old they are because there’s not a lot of rain in the area. They could have been left long ago and been undisturbed. Regardless, these are clearly from monstrosities. On a 26 History Check, Katja knows that this area used to be protected by Blink Dogs (teleporting dogs) but they seem to be all gone now. On a 22 Nature check, Yelle sees a weird feather made out of plant material. It seems like fae stuff but bad vibes. On an 18 Insight check, Sam knows this was a purposeful slaughter.

And on Penny’s 30 Arcana check, oh boy. Penny finds broken common scrawled on the wall in human blood talking about a queen of the mountain who rules the skies. That only the queen may see and none may see themselves. And that the people were told to destroy the seeing glass and did not obey. In from of that message is a bear hide covering something magic. Penny lifts it with reckless abandon and sees tons of mirror shards.

Friendship bracelets! She thinks.

Gotcha bitch, the thing in the mirror says.

Uh-oh.   

Penny calls over her friends to let them knows she may have made a tiny mistake. The group is pretty split between, “Understandable,” and “Girl, WHAT?” In her defense, she did try to cast Friends on the person on the other side of the mirror shards but that’s not enough to stop an entire pack of 50-60 Displacer Beast (magic tentacle cats)/Blink Dog hybrid monstrosities along with the Harpy Queen (voice from the mirror) and her plant feathered harpy minions to start rapidly making their way to their location. 

It is at this point that Ostentatia remembers that abominations and monstrosities cannot step into the temple which means it’s time to RUN. 

And NOW it’s combat time. 

The premise of this fight is that the girls are on their horses, moving towards the center of the temple as fast as they can while fending off the closest enemies. I won’t give an exact play by play but the two highlights are as follows:

Yelle conjures up a bunch of geese with raptor stats (...so normal geese) to swarm the head cat/dog abomination and has to do a truly stunning amount of math for which she is rewarded with SEVENTY POINTS OF DAMAGE. 

Antiope does some insane arrow trickery and gets the Queen Harpy in the wing (which Ostentatia helpfully gets on video so she can show Preston later) and then forces her to take damage as she falls. If not for an extremely lucky Box of Doom nat 20, she may have been down for the count. Antiope still comes away with more than FIFTY points of damage on her though. 

And we end the episode mid-combat! We will catch up on our girls next time!

Superlatives 

Penny: Most Likely to Make Friends During a Hostage Situation 

As a companion to Danielle’s superlative last episode, Penny gets this award for reading or misreading every situation as an opportunity to make friends or make friendship bracelets for the ones she already has. 

Random Thoughts

Did you guys notice that with Katja having Cinnamon and Charity’s assistant being Preston, that’s two of the main pet NPCs from A Crown of Candy?

Antiope’s Reaction to Yelle Saying That Maybe Things Ending Isn’t So Bad: Rail against the dying of the light! Why are you OK with this?

Penny’s Reaction to Yelle Saying That Maybe Things Ending Isn’t So Bad: Entropy is TERRIBLE! Everything needs order!

The greasy cashier’s response to Ostentatia’s flirty, “Come here often?” is “To my job? Honestly no.” Brennan? Chef’s kiss. 

My other fave line this episode is from Sam. “I believe Cinnamon fucks.”

It’s very cute that Penny is like, “I gotta text Riz about this Eidelon stuff!” Not because she wants help. Just so they can geek out together. 

The joke that Brennan didn’t think about the birds is so funny considering all the bird facts in Misfits.

Also re Birds attacking: “They made a movie about this Brennan!” 

Good on Ant for refusing an Aguefort sweatshirt from Charity when offered after the little scrying incident before. Remembering things like this saves lives. 

It has been brought up several times that Ending isn’t necessarily Bad just Ancient and Powerful and I trust Yelle’s vibe check but also, like, a forest fire doesn’t have malice behind it but it can still devastate a city while it clears out dead trees that need to be cleared, you know? Not ready to start wild speculation yet but I am curious. And am similarly curious about the sisters Ending has mentioned. Oh and the parallels of 7 Maidens, 7 mirrors. It’s all there, we just need a little more info. 

Honestly, get you a man who will see you rushing out of a building, loudly claiming to have diarrhea, and instead of being grosses out will just supportively confess his own stomach issues. I wish he was just a little younger cause I want that for Ant. 

I do like that D20 has been playing a little more fast and loose with the RP ep/combat ep format. I think it really helps with story flow. 

In this episode Antiope and Brennan as various non-Zelda NPCs rolled 2 Nat 20s. O rolled one. Ant rolled 1 Nat 1--which was on a self imposed roll to see how she responded to Sephie’s tramp stamp improv. And O may have rolled one for initiative also but I wasn’t sure. 

[spacemonkeysalsa]

God of Ambivalence

A tiefling Artificer splits a large stone on a beach to discover a one handed-wizard inside.

Pairing - OC/Gale, Shadowheart/Lae'zel but there will be more as it goes on.

Read Chapter One on Ao3

Read Chapter Two on Ao3

Read Chapter Three on Ao3

Read Chapter Four on Ao3

Read Chapter Five on Ao3

Read Chapter Six on Ao3

Read Chapter Seven on Ao3

Or read Chapter Seven below the cut I'm dumb and forgot to post this chapter, but I'm also awesome and made this cambion who's pov we are inside of, Erakis, in CC so here's a pic of him complete with cursor on his face:

Before he knew where he was, before he could identify the bird calls around him, before he even recognized the warmth of the sun, rather than a slower, heavy heat of hell, Erakis knew there was something alive in his mouth. The soft, squishy creature was writhing as his teeth inadvertently started to close around its malleable little body. 

He spat it out, wiping at his lips so furious that he snagged the back of his hand on his extended canines. Dark maroon skin breaking and bleeding. The slug would make it, but squirmed indignantly in the mud where it had landed after being expelled from Erakis’ mouth. He sat up and checked his surroundings, head rattled and sore, memories foggy, and eyesight not much better. He was covered in tiny invertebrates, sunk into less than his calve’s height of water, and mud. The only reason his lungs weren’t filled with mud, water and slugs was because his upper body was caught on a bush, snagged on his leather pauldrons, holding him above the gentle creep of the river’s water.

He started to pick the slugs off, noticing that roughly half of them were leeches. When he tried to rise up out of the water he groaned, to see it was much more than half. He didn’t manage to straighten up all the way though, as his armor was still stuck on the bush sitting out of the side of the ravine.

How hurt was he? His head felt tender, but nothing beyond a hangover. His wings seemed alright, which was a relief. He relied on them more than he wanted to admit, and when they did get injured, it felt like it took longer for them to heal than the rest of his body.

He should have dodged the thunderwave. Never mind its range and power, he’d withstood them before, he’d even managed to use the wind to take flight rather than be knocked off course. The wizard had got him though, there was no way around it. He couldn’t even manage to get his bearings before he crashed, even with the extra height from the drop into the ravine. How fucking embarrassing.

With part of it still caught on his leather armor, Erakis unstrapped his pauldrons rather than continue to try and fight the bush to release him.

Quick as his fingers allowed, the leeches came free, fat and fed. One would hope that cambion blood was hot enough to dissaude them, but the little bastards loved it. He found a few on his tail and whipped them off in one swipe through the air. He hoped there weren’t too many clinging to his back and ass, as he didn’t have the best vantage point for those angles of himself, and trying to bend in the right direction to find those angles was making it painfully clear that he really had hit his skull quite hard. Horns weren’t chipped though. Small favors. There wasn’t a great deal of blood through the thicker parts of his wings, and that seemed to have deterred them from congregating there. He unlaced his trousers and bent all the way over, sure he could feel something wriggling around on the underside of his cock, but didn’t find a leech there, thank whatever diabolic psychopath wasn’t quite so pissed off at him today.

“So, what are we dealing with?” a grating, nearly whining voice caught him by surprise and he cursed under his breath. He didn’t look up, didn’t try to correct his incredibly undignified stance. Mol didn’t respect him anyway; it hardly mattered in what state she found him.

“I would be the last to know,” Erakis pointed out to her, in a grumble, still refusing to cease the search of his privates for any additional passengers. When he didn’t straighten up, he felt all the bones through his spin and wing-joints click into place, viciously snapping like they were angry with him too. He faced Mol, where she stood in a wide stance, withstanding the river’s current. Mol was a diminutive tiefling, the kind of woman who looked like she probably didn’t have enough to eat growing up. Her dark red skin was patterned with tattoos, some of them old and fading, some of them fresh. Her warlock’s mark crossed with the infernal script lining her left arm. Messy black hair blended into the oldest marks on her, black tattoos around her eyes. Her flame orange eyes pierced through him, betraying rage that he wasn’t sure he’d earned.

Had she just portaled there? Without splashing? Gods, she made his boiling blood run cold, and not in the fun way.

“Feeling sorry for yourself?” Mol rolled her glaring eyes at him. Stretching, as though watching him had stirred some sympathetic feelings of discomfort in her own body. Something popped. Her hips, maybe? Slight and thin, she looked like a child compared to the big cambion, but he knew better than to dismiss her as weak or vulnerable. Like a lot of warlocks, she was imbued with a great deal of diabolic power, and unlike a lot of warlocks, she was exceptionally skilled with the blade in the sheath on her back. “Did the wizard hurt you?” she taunted. 

“You’re welcome to take a different approach. No need for me to be involved, where my uses are limited,” Erakis had to keep his tone civil with Mol. He’d slipped up before and suffered for it. The dynamic was unthinkable a few generations ago. A half-fiend, cowed by a tiefling warlock? Even now, he was sure some would raise an eyebrow to hear her speak to him like this.

“Where’s your glaive, Erakis?” Mol challenged him, given the slightly twisted smile she offered, he was afraid that she already knew.

“I uh… he absorbed it?” Erakis stripped the last of his armor off, finding a few more uninvited guests hanging onto his stomach.

“What?” Mol actually sounded surprised by that. Alright, maybe she didn’t know much more than he did.

“He absorbed it,” Erakis repeated. “The wizard. The wizard you sent me to fetch, he looked at the glaive and sort of just… it evaporated and flowed into his body, and then he thunderwaved me into the ravine—it was a dazzling two seconds.” He stripped off the shirt he had under his armor as well, suddenly sure that the logical conclusion of all this was to simply get naked and make sure he didn’t miss anything. He sighed, hoping that Mol would scram before it came to that. “What do you want me to do?”

“It’s not what I want,” Mol snapped, but the anecdote about the glaive had rattled her. “It’s what he wants—and he’s already decided to take a different approach, yes. For now. Don’t go far. Don’t be seen. Disguise yourself, for pity’s sake? You stand out.”

Erakis just nodded, wringing his shirt and feeling the gravity of defeat. In a community as small as Moonhaven Anew, any outsider would stand out, but a cambion was more than an outsider. That was an invader. A threat on sight.

Mol cursed, “He’s going to be pissed about that glaive.”

“He can add it to my debt,” Erakis rolled his shoulders and turned away from Mol as she fired up her portal again.

“What debt?” she laughed cruelly, “you’re a free agent, Erakis. Just like me.” He finally heard a splash from her as she deliberately smacked the running water of the river with her tail.

Gods, what a joke. He threw a leech in the direction that she’d vanished.

She was right about the disguise, but he didn’t relish it. He’d seen other cambions slide in and out of a less socially scandalous form with no problems, no visible discomfort even. He didn’t know what their secrets were, but for him, taking on a human form was always excruciating. It was worse than the time Rapheal had his wings nailed to his shoulders. And the worst part was that he knew the responsible choice was to do it before he climbed out of the ravine. He shouldn’t risk being seen again, shouldn’t give anyone any reason to think there was still a cambion in the area.

If he was a smart fiend, he would have gone in disguise from the beginning. It might have bought him a few seconds to pretend to be a human traveler. But, he’d had no reason to think they knew he was coming.

Then again, he’d also had no idea what he was up against. He knew better than to ask too many questions when Mol came to him with a job to do: “Moonhaven Anew. I’ll get you a portal. It’s a little piece of nowhere in a bigger piece of nowhere. There’s a wizard in distress. Fetch him, don’t hurt him, but kill anyone who’s with him. Bring him back here in one piece and you’ll get a treat. ” 

Whatever she’d promised was forfeit now, he was sure, not that any ‘treat’ from one of Raphael’s favorite pets was much of a motivation. The bigger motivation had all along been the simple, desperate desire not to be the person who hadn’t done the Archdevil a favor when he asked.

[midnightlee25]

Yandere Request Page

I’m pretty open when it comes to writing. Keep in mind I only write character x reader. I don't want my work put anywhere by anyone else whether I'm given credit or not. That being said, I do also post on Quotev, Wattpad and AO3 all with the same name that I have here on Tumblr. 

What I will not write:    

Non consensual    

Incest     

And anything else along those lines.    

No character x character (it would only be them working together not going after each other.)  

No OCs x character

What I will write: 

Gore/dark stories (they are yanderes after all.)    

Platonic & romantic relationships. 

 AUs are welcomed and above all please be specific in what category you want it to be in (stories, team ups, headcanons etc.)    

SFW & NSFW

Reader x character 

If you don’t say or if it is unclear what category you want it to be in (stories, team ups, headcanons etc.) it will then turn into the writer's choice.

What I write: 

Stories/ Drabble 

Yandere ABC 

Yandere Profiles   

Mini Profiles

Team-ups 

Reactions 

Random Yandere Headcanons 

Darling/Yandere Says Prompts

A few extra things:

With team ups I will do them with opposite genders.

Although i can't have a limit on characters there's a chance that if there are many characters i will cut it in half. For example, for the  Danganronpa case if the whole case is requested I will split it by writing the boys and girls separately.

I can do mixed posts with characters from different series in the same post.

All series that are below are put in ABC order and in categories in how i am following them plus just of what they are to make it easier to find series. (there is a chance of a series being in more than one category.)

I’m open to trying to write any of the characters in those series.    

This page will update when there are new series or as needed.  

Another thing I should mention is that I don't have a limit on how many characters. I know some have a limit of like 3 to 5 but I'll write whoever is written in the request as best as I can. (This also includes team ups and stories.)  

Series I'm most familiar with (I'm always adding new ones and always open to new ones. I do try to keep everything in ABC order.): 

New series will be in bold for the month.

Anime: 

Akudama Drive

A3

Akame ga kill

Assassination Classroom

Ahiru No Sora

Angels of Death

Attack on Titan

Bungou Stray Dogs

Black Lagoon

Demon Slayer

Death Parade 

Free!

Hetalia

Hellsing 

Jojo's Bizarre Adventure: Part 1

Kakegurui

Kuroko's basketball

K Project

Pokemon Sun & Moon

Pokemon XY

Run with the wind

Sk8 the infinity

Slam Dunk

The God of High School 

YuYu Hakusho

Manga: 

Alice in the country of hearts

Black Butler

Black Clover

Blue Exorcist

Can't Stop Cursing You

Cells At Work 

Dr. stone

Fire Force

Fruits Basket

Gangsta

Gangsta: Cursed

Golden Kamuy

Haikyuu

Heaven’s design team

My Hero Academia

Mashle: Magic and Muscles

Moriarty the Patriot

Ouran highschool host club

One punch man

Record of Ragnarok 

Servamp

Spy X Family

Sakamoto Days 

The Promised Neverland

The Way Of The House Husband 

Tokyo Revengers   

Animated Series: 

6Teen

Avatar the last airbender

Adventure Time

Danny Phantom

Ever After High

Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends

Futurama 

Gravity Falls 

Hero:108

Invader Zim

Kim Possible

MotorCity

RWBY

Regular Show 

Sym Bionic Titan

Scooby-Doo! Mystery Incorporated 

SpongeBob SquarePants 

Superjail! 

Star vs. the Forces of Evil 

Total Drama

The Grim Adventures of Billy & Mandy

Wander Over Yonder

We Bare Bears

Series:

Ash vs Evil Dead    

The Imperfects   

Wizards of Waverly Place

Animated Movies:

Atlantis: The Lost Empire

Big Hero 6

Brave (2012)  

Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs  

Encanto  

Firebreather

Hercules (Disney)  

Home (2015)

How to Train Your Dragon (1, 2 & 3)

Megamind

Osmosis Jones

Onward

Rise Of The Guardians 

Sinbad: Legend of the Seven Seas

The Princess and the Frog  

The Book of Life

Turning Red

Thumbelina

The LEGO Ninjago Movie

The Great Mouse Detective

The LEGO Batman Movie

Who Framed Roger Rabbit

Wreck-It Ralph (1 & 2)

Movies:

Avatar (1 & 2)  

Beetlejuice  

Hocus Pocus (1 & 2)

IT

Sweeney Todd: the demon barber of fleet street

Spawn  

The Nutcracker And The Four Realms

Marvel (what I am familiar with): 

Avengers Assemble 

Black Panther (1)

Captain America (1)

Iron Man (1)

Marvel Zombies 

Thor (1)

Ultimate Spider-Man 

What If...?

DC (what I am familiar with): 

Birds of Prey (2020)

Justice League/Unlimited (2003/2004) 

Suicide Squad (movies 2016 & 2021)

Teen Titans (2003) 

Zack Snyder’s Justice League

Games:  

Danganronpa 1 

Danganronpa 2 

Danganronpa 3 

 Dachabo

Dead Island 2

Dream Daddy

Error143 

Frost Bite

Hiveswap Friendsim 

John Doe game 

Mad Father

Pokémon Legends: Arceus  

Resident Evil Village 

Something's Wrong With Sunny Day Jack

Web Comics/Web series: 

Creepypasta

Homestuck  

The Mandela Catalogue 

Welcome Home

This page will update when there are new series or as needed. 

  If you have any questions, please let me know.  

Updated August 31 , 2023