#and it's fun to see how those pieces fell together

[ramirezmindset]

ʙᴇ ᴍʏ ᴍɪsᴛᴀᴋᴇ.

ᴛʏʟᴇʀ ᴏᴡᴇɴs x ғᴇᴍ!ʀᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ

→ 𝐒𝐘𝐍𝐎𝐏𝐒𝐈𝐒: yourself and tyler go way back, further than you'd like to admit, but after a brutal end, it's been years since you've spoken. until one night when your roommate brings him home.

→ 𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒: ANNNNGGSSSSTTTT, talks of fighting and yelling, reader and tyler having history, use of feminine pronouns and description, awkward asl atmosphere, sexual implication, longing, flashbacks will be in italics. ↳ wc: 4671 (not sorry)

→ 𝐀𝐔𝐓𝐇𝐎𝐑𝐒 𝐍𝐎𝐓𝐄: this came to me when i was sat on the couch with MY roommates hahahaahah - requests are open!

↳ ❝ [ i shouldn't have called, cause we shouldn't speak. you do make me hard, but she makes me weak - save all the jokes you're gonna make, while i see how much drink i can take. then be my mistake ] ❞

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"Y/N, Emmie just texted me, she's found a male at the bar and he's coming back here" Your roommate Caroline slaps a hand over her mouth, biting back a laugh as you shake your head and chuckle. "I knew we should've joined her, but for some reason you refuse to go into that bar!"

"Carol, you know why I don't go there!" You scoff back, a playful smile on your face. You put the teaspoon in the sink and take a sip of the tea you just made, pushing a mug over the kitchen island to where Caroline sits. "I know that he tends to go there a lot and I just- I don't really want to be bumping into him and getting all weird and sad when I'm supposed to be having fun with my best girls"

"Yeah, yeah, Tyler this, Tyler that" You give her a disapproving look. "Ok, I'm sorry, that was rude. But I'm serious, Y/N, it's been four years. We never even met the guy, or even saw a photo! Surely if you were that spent on keeping him locked up in that little brain of yours for your eyes only, it can't have been that serious?"

"Oh, it was serious!" You defend, laughing and holding up your arms in mock offence. Carol wraps the blanket tighter around herself and leads you towards the couch, settling with her cup of tea, urging you to sit in front of her. "It was on and off like a strobe light, but I was crazy about him. And as far as I know, he was crazy about me. We just didn't mesh well. I mean, we had been together since we were fifteen, we grew out of each other, I guess"

"But you still have a photo of him in your wallet?" Your eyes widen at this statement, your face growing pale. "Relax, girl, I went in there to put your Costco card back and I saw a photo of some guy from the back. I assume it was him anyway and not some secret guy you've been hiding from us"

You bury your face in your hands in embarrassment, chuckling lowly to yourself. "That's Tyler alright"

"Y/N/N, will you just get in the truck?" Tyler said, holding his hand out for you to take. "Please?" You could never resist those puppy dog eyes, the one's you fell in love with all those years ago.

You smile at him, taking his hand and letting him lead you down the stairs of the porch towards his beat up old truck. Opening the door for you, he helps you climb in, a smile plastered across both your faces.

"Ty, where are you taking me?" You laugh, shaking your head at him as he just winks and shuts the door behind him, walking round the truck to slide into the drivers side.

"Now what would I gain from ruining the surprise, hm?" He turned the keys in the ignition and sped off down the dirt track of your parent's ranch, but instead of turning off onto the freeway, he heads in a different direction.

Deciding not to question him, you sigh and lean back into the headrest, staring at his side profile as he concentrates on the road. The furrow of his eyebrows, the clench in his jaw when he hits a particularly rocky piece of track, the slight smirk that flicks at the corner of his mouth when a song he likes plays on the radio.

"What are you staring at, pretty lady?" He jokes, glancing over at you and placing a hand on your thigh. "Something got your attention, hm?"

"Just my gorgeous boyfriend" You smile once again, interlocking your fingers with his hand that rests on your leg. "Thinking about how lucky I am to have such a beautiful man that loves me and drives me around and surprises me and buys me flowers and doesn't let me spend a dime."

"Yeah, you are pretty lucky" You both erupt into a fit of laughter as the truck pulls to a stop. He takes his hand off your thigh to take the keys out of the ignition and hops out the truck to open your door. "Here we are"

You look around you, confusion etching your features. "Tyler, this is the woods" He tuts at you.

"I knew you would say that. Just come with me" He takes your hand, leading you into the trees down a makeshift trail that's been made through hikers over the years. "You maybe know about this place, you maybe don't. I'm hoping don't"

You're walking for about 15 minutes before he tells you to close your eyes, grabbing your other hand to help you balance and show you the way. "Tyler, I am going to die out here!" You joke as you stumble over what feels like a branch.

"Relax, oh my Christ!" He laughs back, he pulls you into a stop as you find your feet on somewhat smooth ground. "Ok, keep your eyes closed. No peeking!" He lets go of both your hands and you feel him walk away, the crunch of his feet getting slightly further away before coming to a stop.

You take a deep breath, you arms still held out to the side slightly to keep your balance on the unfamiliar terrain.

"Ok, open" You open your eyes to find yourself on a wide cliffside at the edge of the woods, a picnic blanket sprawled out a few feet away from you where Tyler stood, and a basket full of what looks like all your favourite foods. A bottle of wine and two glasses sit comfortably on the blanket, and the city lights from below you glittered as the sun set below the peaks of the mountains miles away.

"Tyler, this is-" You place a hand on your heart, and you move your eyes to meet his, slowly walking towards where he was standing. "Tyler, this is incredible" You put your arm around his waist, pulling him in closely as you admire the intricacy of the set up. He places a kiss to your temple.

"I thought considering I'm leaving tomorrow for that storm, we could have a nice final date" He smiles, letting you go to sit down on the blanket.

"Nice?!" You exclaim, feigning offence. "Tyler, this is more than nice. This is perfect"

"Only the best for my girl" He winks, reaching for the wine and the corkscrew. "Now are you gonna sit down and enjoy this picnic with me, or are you gonna stand there staring?" He jokes again, fiddling about with the wine.

Before he could pester you again, you reach into your bag for your polaroid camera, an old thing Tyler got you for your seventeenth birthday that travels in your bag with you everywhere. Snapping a photo of him from behind, sat on the picnic blanket, the sun creating a silhouette of his frame, and all you could think in the moment was how beautiful he was, and how beautiful this could be.

"Earth to Y/N!" Caroline snaps her fingers from the couch opposite you. You flick back to reality, shaking your head and sheepishly apologising. "You OK?"

"Yeah!" You reply a little too enthusiastically. "Yeah, I'm fine, just a bit tired"

"Do you mean tired or Tyler?" Caroline giggles as you half-heartedly fling a throw pillow in her direction. "Sorry, sorry! But seriously girl, it's been this long and he's still on your mind? He must've had you whipped, you haven't even been on a date since!"

"Yes I have!" You defend, placing your tea down on the coffee table and crossing your legs under your blanket.

"Fucking some guy on the gross sinks of the club handicap stall is not a date" She got you there. Suddenly, you hear the front door open, and Emmie's laughter echo around the hallway. "Christ, here she comes" Caroline sits up on the couch and fixes her hair, as if Emmie and her mystery man would come in the room anyway.

You were proven extremely wrong when the door is pushed open and your second roommate strolls in, three beers in hand. She throws one at you and one at Caroline, using her foot to keep the door open.

"I come bearing gifts!" Emmie exclaims, holding her own beer in her hands as you try biting the lid off the beer open. "We're gonna chill in here for a bit with you guys, Tyler's just taking his shoes off"

"Who?!" Caroline exclaims, as you choke on your own breath. "Who is gonna chill in here for a bit?" She looks between the two of you as you scramble on the couch to find the missing beer cap.

Confusion etches across Emmie's face, staring at you as you frantically sit back up, pushing your glasses back up your nose. "Oh shit!" She exclaims, her eyes widening in realisation. "Oh shit!"

"Oh shit what?" that all to familiar voice asks from behind her as he strolls into the living room, making eye contact with Caroline before turning towards you. His eyes grow wide, his hands immediately reaching to take his hat off and hold it to his chest. The hat that you bought him. That stupid, stupid hat that you spent a stupid, stupid amount of money on, but somehow all seemed worth it to see that stupid, stupid smile on his stupid, stupid face.

It seemed like forever that he was staring into you before Caroline broke the silence by clearing her throat. "Um, it's nice to meet you, Tyler. How are you, Tyler? What's going on, Tyler?" She raises her eyebrows at him, as you shoot her a glare.

"Uh- yeah, I'm good, you must be Caroline" He finally tears his eyes away from you to spare an awkward, tight-lipped smile. A familiar gut-wrenching embarrassment fills your body as you look down at your lap as it hits you that your ex-boyfriend is in your apartment, with the intention of fucking your best friend, and you're sat on the couch in your pyjama's drinking tea at 10pm on a Saturday night.

Emmie awkwardly sits on the couch next to Caroline, slipping her shoes off and mouthing a 'Sorry', reaching into her pocket to pull out her phone.

I'm so sorry, she texts you. I had no idea that was the Tyler, I'm gonna ask him to leave, tell him I don't feel well. I'm so sorry

You reply: you don't have to do that, i'm just gonna take myself off to bed

No this is my mess, Emmie's next text reads. I'll sort it all out.

Tyler's still standing awkwardly in the doorway as you launch yourself off of the couch and into the kitchen, pouring your beer down the sink out of pure humiliation. He still wore the same cologne, you could smell the sandalwood on his skin as you pushed past him, his warm flesh brushing against the bare skin of your arm. He still had that same look in his eyes all those years ago when he looked at you, that one of adoration.

You rub your eyes and look out the kitchen window of your apartment at the city lights, the rain pattering slowly against the glass panes as you sigh and lean your back against the counter. It was almost like mother nature was mocking you, laughing in your face as the memories of your last meeting with Tyler flooded your mind.

"Baby, just come back inside, we can talk!" He bellowed from his porch. "It's storming, Y/N, just come inside!"

You continue down his front path as the rain and hail slammed on the pavement. You didn't know what you were doing, your house was a forty-five minute walk from Tyler's place, but you knew you'd regret it if you gave in. Suddenly, his hand grabbed your bicep from behind, twisting you around. He saw your bloodshot eyes and puffy lips and immediately his features softened.

"Darlin', I'm sorry, please just come inside and we can talk it all out" His palm came up to cradle the side of your face, and you had to fight the urge to lean into his warm, tender touch.

"There's nothing to talk about, Tyler" You replied, shaking your head. Another tear rolled down your cheek, unrecognisable as the rain hammered down on your head. "You made your choice, let me make mine"

Tyler's eyebrows furrowed. "My choice? I choose you! I always chose you, I will always choose you!" His hand left your face, falling limp at his side.

"Tell that to Boone" You shook you head. "Tell that to everyone on that stupid fucking tornado chasing team! That's what you'd rather be doing!" He scoffs, wiping a hand down his face. "What? It's true! All I've done for the last decade is support you, I let you go off and do whatever it is you do in that stupid truck, I supported you in college when you didn't have a clue what you were gonna do with your life, I came with you on chases even though I fucking hate thunder, and I hate the danger, I do everything for you! And what do I get?"

"You get to be with me!" He cut you off, you were both yelling now, drawing attention from the neighbours as lights in the houses around you slowly turned on. "Isn't that enough? Am I not enough?"

"Don't you dare turn this on me!" You turn your back on him, wiping your face. You're too far in to let him see you cry. "Tyler, of course you're enough. I'm in love with you, I have been for ten years, but all I do in this relationship is hurt. I don't feel loved, I feel like you're not satisfied until you've got your adrenaline fix on some tornado hundreds of miles away from you. Am I supposed to sit on the porch knitting, waiting for you to show back up? God forbid my boyfriend cares about me and what I want!"

"If that's how you feel, maybe we shouldn't be together!" He exclaims, his hands flying into the air as the rain beats down harder and harder.

"Maybe we shouldn't!" Your shoulders slump as you stare at him, the hurt in his eyes clouding over as any ounce of hope he had in his body to remedy this is blown away by the wind and washed away by the rain. "We're not fifteen anymore, Tyler. I can't keep doing this, I can't keep hoping and praying that you'll come back to me alive. I just can't."

"Hey" Emmie's voice sounds behind you. You turn your head towards the kitchen door, where she's shutting it behind her. "I told Tyler I wasn't feeling well, and if I'm honest, he couldn't get out of here fast enough" She awkwardly chuckles and walks over to you, giving you a hug. "I'm so sorry, Y/N/N, I didn't know that was your Tyler. I would've never have spoken to him, let alone brought him home if I knew-"

"Emmie, relax" You reply, a dry laugh leaving your throat. "It's fine, there's no need to apologise. I was just shocked to see him, that's all. It's okay, I'm okay, I promise."

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You climb out of the cab, Caroline and Emmie hot on your tail as the three of you link arms and giggle as you stumble towards the bar. The three bottles of wine you had in the refrigerator went down a treat as Emmie and Caroline coaxed you into drinking with them, and you let them convince you going to the bar that Tyler frequented was a fabulous use of your time.

It had been two weeks since your encounter with him, and you'd be lying if you said it wasn't all you thought about. The look on his face, the smell of his skin and that goddamned hat that he still refused to part with all these years later.

You'd spent the majority of the past few weeks reminiscing on the relationship, thinking about what everything was and what it could've grown into. Where would you be today? On your own ranch, like your parents, but bigger, and would you finally have gotten that ring, maybe a couple of kids? Even today, when you pictured your future, it was always with him by your side.

The atmosphere in the bar was lively, music blasting out of the jukebox as you had to elbow your way to the bar for a drink. Your eyes take a scan of the room, but he wasn't in sight. A twang of disappointment struck you, as if you would've approached him anyway.

"What can I get you?" The bartender asks, but before you could open your mouth, someone responds for you.

"Black label, on the rocks" Tyler slides up beside you, the slight redness in his eyes indicating he was just as buzzed as you were. "Hey" He rests his elbow on the bar, passing the bartender his card and shooting you a smile.

He looked somewhat the same, his shoulders were broader and his smile no longer reached his eyes, but he was still your Tyler. The mischievous glint in his eye was gone, and he had grown some stubble, even with all the differences he was still just as charming as he was all those years ago.

"Hi" you reply, taking your drink from his hand and throwing it all down.

"Woah, slow down there, cowgirl" He laughed, his old nickname for you making shivers run up your spine. You glanced over your shoulder to find Emmie and Caroline, but they had scuttled off to a dark corner of the bar, no doubt to watch this interaction.

You had never felt more awkward in your life. All of a sudden the top you thought was cute three hours ago is too much for the atmosphere you're in, and your makeup is too perfect to be ruined by the tears that would inevitably fall within the next fifteen minutes.

Tyler nods his head towards the door, taking your hand delicately in his as he led you to the deck of the bar. Sparks shot up your arm and through your body at his gentle touch, his grasp far from firm, as if you were glass that would shatter. You follow him out and perch at an empty table overlooking the street.

"How are you?" He asked, looking at you, as if he could see inside your brain. You stare back, eyebrows furrowed.

"I'm fine" You reply, nervously licking your lips and twiddling your fingers on your lap. This is so fucking awkward.

He gives you a knowing look. "No, you're not" He looks away from you and wipes his face with his hand, something he always did to stop himself from crying. "I know you're not, because I haven't been fine since we broke up. And we're cut from the same cloth, you and me, we've been interlinked since we met"

You were sat on the back porch of your parents ranch. It was a sweltering summers day, sweat licking at your skin as you shifted uncomfortably in the deck chair. Your friend Hannah was over, bringing a bottle of some sort of dark liquor with her as she sat next to you, pouring you both another glass.

"Say, when is your brother gonna be home?" She smirked at you as you playfully swatted her arm. "What!? He's hot!"

"Hannah, behave!" You laughed. "But it should be any minute now" You winked at her, reaching for your glass. Usually you wouldn't condone any of your friends getting with your twin brother, but Hannah had liked him for years and you kind of just wanted her to shut up.

As if on cue, the french doors of the patio slid open and your brother walked onto the porch, grabbing Hannah's glass and downing whatever concoction she had made for herself. She playfully giggled, and the sight made you sick to your stomach, but you laughed along anyway.

"Hello, Hannah" Your brother gave her her glass back before turning to you and grimacing. "Hello....thing...."

"Hello, ugly" you responded, pulling your sunglasses on top of your head and sitting up properly to face him. "Why did you have to come out here and ruin my time with my friend?"

"Um, it's hot, you fucking idiot, and the AC is broken, so Tyler and I are gonna chill out here. I see you have liquor, so we're gonna be enjoying that just as much as you are" He pulled up a chair opposite Hannah, so close to her that their knees touched. You wished he'd swallow his pride and make the first move, because you knew damn well Hannah wouldn't.

"Tyler?" Hannah asked, her eyebrows furrowing. "Who's Tyler?"

"I am" he said from behind you, a shadow was cast over your face as he moved to stand next to you. You looked up, and there he was, the most beautiful man you'd ever seen, and probably would ever see. "And you must be Y/N?" You nodded. "I've heard a lot about you"

"Good things I hope" You joke, a laugh bubbling out your throat as your brother clears his throat. "But if they're coming from my brother, I can't imagine it's anything but slander"

You all erupt into laughter, and that was it. After that day, Tyler never left your side.

You lean back into your chair, avoiding eye contact with Tyler. He wasn't lying, you two were eerily similar, and he'd always been the one person, aside from your brother, who could read you like a book. There was no denying your souls were hand crafted for each other.

"How's your brother?" He asks, a lame attempt at conversation.

"I thought you would know" You turned to look at him. "He married Hannah a few months ago. I was half expecting to see you there"

Tyler shook his head. "Corey hasn't spoken to me since we broke up. I think he's angry I broke his sister's heart"

Your lips form a tight line. "What do you want from me Tyler? Have you dragged me out here away from my friends to make pointless small talk or did you have anything of value to say to me?"

"Is it so wrong to want to talk to you?" He asks again, hurt brushing over his features before he regained composure. You roll your eyes and stand up, making your way back into the bar. Before you could walk in, Caroline runs over and slams the door to the deck shut in front of you, Emmie furiously pointing at Tyler, mouthing "fucking talk to him!"

You sigh in defeat and turn around to see Tyler smiling, shading his eyes from the heat lamp burning down on his skin.

"Guess you have no choice" He joked. "But I can't talk to you knowing your roommates are staring at us"

"Well, what do you propose?" You asked, pulling your jacket tighter around yourself. You were not leaving the bar with him.

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You left the bar with him. You found yourself strolling down the street, buying a case of beer from the gas station and suddenly, twenty minutes later, you were sat on the cliffside Tyler took you to years ago, moderately buzzed from the mixture of beer and hard liquor.

"I still carry your photo in my wallet" You admit, looking at him on the other side of the bench. "The one I took of you here, in this exact spot, when you made us a picnic before you left on a chase"

"I'd be lying if I said I haven't done the same thing" He reached into his pocket and pulled a polaroid out of his own wallet. It was crumpled and faded, but you could still make out your own face in the moonlight, smiling up at the camera, eyes squeezed shut with Tyler's hat adorning your head. You laughed to yourself.

You settled into a comfortable silence, the subtle admission of lost love still hanging in the air, weighing down on you.

"Why?" He asked. You looked back at him. "Why did you keep it?"

"Why did you?" You retaliate, raising an eyebrow at him in suspicion.

"Why do you think?" He sighed and shuffled ever so slightly closer to you. "I remember when you broke up with me you told your brother I was the biggest mistake of your life. He came banging my front door down, probably ready to beat me to a pulp. I would've let him. But as soon as he told me that- as soon as he told me that you said I was a mistake, every bit of anger in me just dissipated. I was in love with you, hell, I am in love with you, and all I could do was question how I managed to fuck up so bad that our decade together felt like a mistake to you."

"You were never a mistake, Tyler" You whisper softly, choosing to ignore the fact he just admitted his love for you all these years later. "I was mad, mad that I let go so easily, and it was easier to blame you than admit that I broke up with you over something so- so mundane"

He had moved closer to you, his thigh pressing against yours on the bench as he leant down to put his empty beer bottle on the floor. He sat back up, putting one arm around you as you rested your head on his shoulder. You fit in the crook of his neck like a missing piece of a puzzle, and a satisfied sigh left your lips.

"Tyler?" You say, he hums in response. "You're in love with me?"

His shoulders tense as he sucks in a sharp breath. Maybe you should've continued to ignore it.

"Of course I am" he replies softly, lifting your head up and cupping your jaw. Finally, you lean into his touch, a smile tugging at your lips. "I have been for fourteen years. I could never love anyone like I love you, you're it for me"

You stare at him, allowing yourself to fall deeply into his gaze. His features had considerably softened since you first saw him in the bar. The glint of hope in his eyes had returned, and the crease in his brow has gone. The slow breeze pushed his hair slightly back, and you had to resist the urge to run your hands through his blonde locks.

He was slowly leaning in, and before you knew it, your eyes were fluttering shut as you felt his lips lightly graze yours. His other hand found the other side of your face, cradling you like you were the most precious jewel. Your hand instinctively goes up to hold his wrist, his skin rough against your palm.

"Can I- can I kiss you?" He whisper's against your mouth. You nod.

His lips finally pressed against yours, gentle and full of years of love. He tasted the same as he always did, the distinct flavour of vanilla from his chapstick he carried around in his back pocket. His lips slotted against yours perfectly as your arms made their way around his neck. For the first time in years, you felt at peace.

Tyler reluctantly pulled away, resting his forehead against yours. "What do you say?" He whispered. "Be my mistake."

[moonchildstyles]

angel getting high for the first time 🫶🏾🫶🏾🫶🏾

cw: drug use! its only weed, nothing heavy but if that makes you uncomfortable please skip :)

wordcount: 11.8k+

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(Y/N) kicked her legs in the air as she laid tummy down on her bed. She listened to the ringing from the phone pressed to her ear, waiting for a familiar voice to answer. 

In the middle of the third ring, her hopes were answered when a click sounded. Muffled background noise started through the speaker, accompanying a honeyed drawl.

"Hi, lovebug," Harry murmured, his speech seemingly slower than normal. 

"Hi," she chirped through her smile. Her feet kicked in the air, free hand coming up to twirl her hair around her index finger. "What are you doing?" 

A random burst of laughter bubbled through the other line, distant from the phone though it was still loud. "'M on the phone, be quiet," Harry reprimanded, voice far from the receiver before he returned with a decided softer tone, "Nothing, jus' trying to watch a movie with Mitch. What about you, baby?" 

"Just in bed," she mused, "I wanted to call before I went to sleep. Did you want me to let you go since you're with Mitch?" 

Since deciding on moving in together once their respective leases expired, (Y/N) had been making a point to spend more time with Sarah while she was still so close. She didn't want to get in the way if Harry was trying to do the same. 

"No, no, I wanna talk to you, 's alright," he assured her, "How was your day?" 

It was still sweet to (Y/N) the way that she could text him all day long, telling him everything about her day, and he still would ask her a question like this. He told her once that he likes hearing her voice, even if he already knows what she's telling him. 

"It was alright," she said, rolling to lay on her back, looking up at her ceiling, "I turned in that paper that I was working on last weekend, so that's all done. The library was super quiet today, though, I almost fell asleep in the philosophy section." 

A small laugh sounded from Harry. "Did y'really?" 

"Yeah," she sighed, a smile curling her lips, "Elizabeth had to come entertain me. But, what about you? You did that big piece today, right?" 

"Yeah, the thigh piece," he said, voice thick, "She was a nice girl, but I had a headache by the time we took the first break. She liked to talk a lot. M'hand's been cramping since lunch." 

A pout landed on (Y/N)'s lips. She hated hearing about those kinds of details from Harry's job. She had always figured it was so fun and glamorous, easy and fulfilling. She had never thought about the physical toll of drawing and shading and designing all day long. 

"Oh, no," she hummed, instinctively rolling her wrist and curling her fingers as if she could take his pain from miles away. "Did you take anything to help?" 

"Kind of. Mitch and I have been relaxing since he got home." 

She knew exactly what that meant. Though Harry tended to keep this specific hobby of his separated from her, set on the back burner away from the time he spent with her, she knew better. Besides, she had found that little bag in his dresser months ago, she wasn't completely clueless (of course, he did have to explain what she had found to her, but that was a different story). 

That would explain why time seemed to be moving a little bit slower on the other end of the phone, and the boisterous laughter Mitch was sharing in the background. 

"Have you been smoking?" she asked, voice quiet. She always felt a bit silly bringing this up to him, unsure of what terms to be using and what meant what exactly. 

"A little bit, yeah," he affirmed, "Sorry. I didn't know you'd be calling. I wouldn't have if I knew you wanted to talk tonight." 

Shaking her head despite the fact he couldn't see her, (Y/N) rushed her protests. "No, no, don't be sorry. I don't mind, you know that. As long as you're happy and you guys are being careful." 

"Always am, baby." 

A heat bubbled in her chest at his words. While he never did it around her, there were times that she called him or he FaceTimed her before bed when he was under the influence and his voice drawling just a little deeper, sitting heavier in his chest, hit her just perfectly. She could imagine the way his eyes were a bit hooded, his tongue sticking around his words, the easy smiles that spread across his face for no other reason than he liked the feeling. 

She wondered what he looked like in the act. Was it like the movies with lavender smoke and pieces of blown glass with intricate details? Or did he make his own little rolls, hanging from his lips like a cigarette? 

Mitch's loud laugh on the phone brought her back to reality, blinking her back to her room and Harry's static on the other end of the phone. Harry gave a muffled response before his own laughter joined his best friend's, the sound drawling and breezy. 

When he returned to the phone, she could hear the lingering smile in his tone. "I think Mitch found a movie for us to watch, love." 

"What is it?" she asked, feeling the end of the phone call nearing. She would have to settle for spraying the stuffed bunny he gifted her for Valentine's Day with a sample of his cologne for her to cuddle for the night. 

"I don't even know," he laughed, "but, I think 's gonna be funny. I think 'm gonna have to make us food, though, so I don't think I can talk for much longer." 

"That's okay. Have fun with Mitch and I'll talk to you tomorrow, right?" 

"Right," he affirmed, voice soft, "Sleep well, lovebug. I'll call you during my lunch." 

"Okay," she sighed, fitting her cheek against her pillow, "I love you." 

"I love you more, baby," he cooed, "Goodnight." 

An exaggerated kiss noise sounded through her phone, pulling a loud peal of laughter from (Y/N)'s lips. He never really did that when he was around his friends, only putting on the show when he was calling her in private. She thought it was very sweet. 

"Goodnight," she laughed, pressing the red button before she became too spoiled with his shenanigans and tried to keep the call going. 

Setting her phone on her nightstand, she snuggled into her comforter, a throw blanket covering her body instead of her duvet. Pulling her studded bunny from the fringes of her bed, (Y/N) nestled her cheek against the soft fluff. The sown still smelled of Harry's house from the last time she had spent the night, bringing her back to what he was doing in her absence. 

The mystery surrounding his activity of choice for the day is what flicked her curiosity. She'd seen a few movies with marijuana being an uncredited character along with a couple of books with the high feeling being described, but she had never been exposed to anything substantial in real life before she moved away from her parents. Even then, she still hadn't experienced more than the herbal scent that inevitably clung to apartment complexes so close to a university campus and the few bleary eyed classmates she had to work with. 

Specifically, she wondered what Harry was like when he was in that state. Those classmates of hers always seemed disconnected, tired, and in their own head. Was Harry the same way? Did he act the way he did when he drank a little bit too much wine? Or was he wild and excitable like those in the movies? Or sleepy like she had read in her books? 

What would she be like? 

The idea followed her behind her shuttered eyes, her mind going a bit floaty the closer she sunk into sleep. 

—————

"Sarah, have you ever... smoked weed before?" 

The words felt silly falling from (Y/N)'s mouth. Was that even the correct term? She didn't know, but she kept her attention on the food she was making in front of her, hoping Sarah wouldn't notice. 

"Yes," she answered with a suspicious drawl, sweeping through the apartment with a laundry basket on her hip, "Why?" 

(Y/N) only shrugged. "I don't know. I've just been thinking about it." She paused, tipping her head. "What does it feel like?" 

"Smoking?" Sarah pressed. 

"Yeah," (Y/N) chirped, feeling shy that she was even breaching this conversation. "Or, like, being high. Is it like the movies?" 

"A little bit," Sarah mused, folding her laundry on the dining room table into neat piles. "It's not as dramatic or crazy, but it can feel that way sometimes. It depends on the person. Everyone's different." 

Rolling her lips, (Y/N) nodded her head. She chanced a look over her shoulder at her friend, slowing her stirring. "What are you like?" 

Sarah shrugged, a crease between her brows as she thought. "I haven't smoked in a while, but I used to get really tired. It always depended on what kind we had, but I usually got really tired." 

Is that what Harry did? Did he get sleepy, like some of her classmates? Did he nod off during the movie he and Mitch watched the other night? 

"When was the last time?" (Y/N) asked, hoping Sarah didn't cut her off. She was genuinely curious, she hoped she wasn't prodding and poking past her welcome. 

"Maybe a year ago? Could have been longer," Sarah answered. "I was with Mitch so it wasn't too long ago." 

Fixing her attention back on the stirring of the soup she was making for their dinner, she tried to act casual as she spoke. "W-Was Harry there, too?" 

"Harry?" 

(Y/N) could hear the smile in Sarah's voice as she realized where (Y/N)'s curiosity was stemming from. She never tired of teasing just a little over how in love she was with her Harry. (Y/N) only hummed a confirmation, keeping her voice to herself. 

"He wasn't there the last time, but he did used to smoke with us sometimes," Sarah explained, sounding a little too amused as she spoke, "Why?" 

Shrugging, (Y/N) pretended as if she wasn't intrigued at the info Sarah could share. "No reason really. Was it fun? With Harry and Mitch and all?" 

"(Y/N)," Sarah sighed, her voice floating through a smile, "C'mon." 

Stopping her distracting task, she turned to face Sarah who was looking at her with that knowing smile she somehow always had when it came to (Y/N)'s secrets. She was an open book as her friend could tell. 

"What?" (Y/N) feigned nonchalance as if she hadn't already been caught. 

"Did Harry say something? Is that why you're asking about all of this?" Sarah poked, her features set in a gentle tease. 

Worrying her bottom lip between her teeth she canted her head, eyes dropping to where Sarah's hands had stalled her folding. "Not exactly," she started, "He just... I don't know, I called him the other night and he was with Mitch and they had been smoking, he told me. I know he's done it a few times since we started dating, but I've just been thinking about it since then." 

Sarah hummed, nodding her head as she listened. "I get it," she said, "I know he doesn't do it around you or anything, right?" (Y/N) only shook her head. Popping her hip with a furrow appearing in her brow as she cast her mind back in search of answers for (Y/N)'s previous questions. "I wouldn't say it's exactly like the movies," Sarah continued, "But it depends on the person and the strain, and things like that. I usually get pretty tired and hungry, Mitch is like the movies sometimes—loud and everything is funny—, and Harry gets really lovey and lazy. None of us really make much sense, though." 

(Y/N) tried to picture it. Lavender smoke in the air, Harry lazing about with hearts in his eyes, Mitch laughing about nothing, and Sarah passed out in the corner with a pillow under her cheek. A pinch appeared between her brows as she tried to see where she would sit amongst those characters. 

"What do you think I'd be like?" 

Blinking, Sarah brought her gaze to her friend. She pursed her lips as she took in (Y/N). 

"I don't know. It's not the same as being drunk, so I don't know if you'd be as excitable." Sarah contemplated for a moment longer. "I don't really know, honestly. Are you thinking about finding out?" 

She could only shrug. A similar anxiety she felt around alcohol before she broke that barrier still surrounded this, if even a bit heightened given the fact the substance was still very much taboo in her life. There were so many scary, over-exaggerated out there about marijuana, along with the fact that it was still very much taboo in (Y/N)'s life. The use of it seemed to be something that was only done in private and kept as a secret for some people. She was worried that if she found out why, she would regret it. 

Though, there were those puffing thoughts in the back of her mind that begged to differ. It couldn't be that bad. Harry, Mitch, and Sarah were three of her favorite people in the whole world. They weren't devilish burnouts with a one-track lifestyle taking them down the drain, like horror stories and PSA's liked to project. They were good people who sometimes indulged in extra relaxation when they had the chance and the mindset to do so. There was nothing wrong with that. 

"You could ask H, if you wanted. You know he'd answer anything you wanted to know." 

"I know," (Y/N) drawled, unsure despite the fact she knew Sarah was telling the truth. "You don't think he'd be annoyed or anything? I know he keeps it all separate from me for a reason, so I don't want to make him upset." 

Sarah leveled her gentle gaze on (Y/N)'s face. "I think he does it because he doesn't want to make you uncomfortable or anything. It's different than drinking wine with him and things like that, so I bet he just doesn't want to scare you." 

(Y/N) shook her head, "He couldn't scare me, though. He's too nice." 

"To you," Sarah clarified, her smile soft and teasing, "You know he just worries about you and all of that. You wouldn't upset him if you wanted to know more about anything he does."

He did love teaching and showing her things, she knew that. 

"I'll think about it," (Y/N) settled.

"Good," Sarah smiled, grabbing her stacks of folded laundry, "Is dinner ready?" 

"Almost," (Y/N) chirped, adding a little bit of extra seasoning to the pot, "I just need to add the noodles. It'll probably be ready by the time you're done putting everything away." 

Sarah gave a small cheer, stacks of clothing now rehomed in the laundry basket to be returned to her room. "Thank you," she sung, "We should watch that yacht show when we sit down, don't you think?" 

Perking up at the suggestion, (Y/N) quickly nodded her head. "That sounds perfect!" she smiled, mellowing some as she turned her attention to her swirling soup base, "And, thank you for answering everything, by the way. It always helps me." 

"I know, that's why I do it," Sarah settled, reaching out to squeeze (Y/N)'s arm gently before she swept away. 

Left in the silence of the kitchen with only the simmering soup, (Y/N) felt a little bit lighter. Some of her questions were answered even if she had more she wanted to hear from Harry directly. More than anything, she was a little enamored at the idea that Harry was loving and lazy under the influence. She already had a small idea given that she had seen how easy and bubbly he became when he drank, but she'd never seen him really slow down the way she pictured it in her head. 

She wanted to see just how lovey he became, if she was being honest. She already had the privilege of experiencing the affectionate side of him, she wondered just how much higher that volume would be kicked to if he had been smoking. What if he really did have hearts in his eyes?

The thought brought a quiet smile to (Y/N)'s face.

Maybe, she really would have to ask him. 

—————

"What are you thinking for dinner, my love?" 

(Y/N) puckered her lips to reciprocate the small kiss Harry gave her as he traipsed by the couch. Her eyes followed the broad of his back as her made his way towards the kitchen. With her hands folded on the arm of the sofa, she rested her cheek on her forearm, kicking her legs up behind her as she watched him.

"Whatever you want, I'm okay with," she told him, voice soft and easy. 

"Yeah?" he prodded, looking over his shoulder as he washed his hands in the sink, "Even if I didn't feel like making dinner tonight and decided to order sushi instead?" 

"Sushi?" (Y/N) bubbled, "From the new place?" 

Harry nodded, dimples thumbed into his cheeks. "I figured we could try it out tonight, if that was alright." 

"Yes, please," she beamed, her grin only widening when came around to join her in the common area after drying his hands. 

His lip ring bobbled as he matched her smile, using a gentle hand to push a stray strand of hair from her eyes. "Why don't you pull up the website for us while I put my sketches away, and find what y'like. Then we'll order, yeah? 

Despite the long hours he worked at the shop this past weekend, he looked as gorgeous as ever to (Y/N). He lacked eyeliner after wiping it off as soon as he made it home, but his eyes were still the star of the show against his creamy skin. A fresh bee tattoo stood out on the column of his throat, the mosaic wings following the line of his jaw amongst the rose bush filler he had inked across the skin. With the way he stood over her, she got the perfect view of his spiraling curls and the cut planes of his face complete with his glimmering nose stud and lip ring. 

She nodded her head in a lovey daze. "I can do that." 

Amusement flickered in his eyes as he looked down at her. He dipped to her level to press a lingering kiss to the tip of her nose. "Thank you, baby," he murmured, moving away to gather the art supplies he was working with, "I'll be right back." 

Pulling out her phone, (Y/N) searched up the restaurant up while her mind was still on Harry. 

While the questions she had for him were still in the back of her mind, it was too easy to become distracted with him. They weren't apart for a long time by any stretch of the imagination, but even spending a long, four-day weekend away from one another allowed enough fondness to grow between them to keep her mind from wandering very far from what was right in front of her. Besides, Harry barely let her get a word in since she stepped foot in his home, having tugged her to his bedroom with his lips pressed to hers, only breaking for breath. 

She'd ask him at some point, she was sure. If she had the mind to after dinner. 

Browsing through the menu for a few minutes, (Y/N) found the rolls she was interested in, picking things she had a feeling Harry would like and finding other little gems on the website that she would mention in hopes of getting his opinion on. She searched through the site, trying to find an option to order online with no luck, the browser rerouting her to the main page every time she tried to plug into the ordering site. 

"H?" she called, realizing he still hadn't come back from resetting his utensils. 

"Yes?" he answered back, still in the bedroom, "What do y'need, love?" 

Instead of responding, she stood from the couch and moved towards his room, brows knitted and phone screen bright in her hand. "The website isn't working—it won't let me order," she explained, stepping over the threshold to his room. 

Lifting her head, she saw him standing at his dresser, back to the door with his head angled down and hands fiddling across the top of his dresser. He looked over his shoulder at her, his hands slowing. 

"Give me a second, and I'll take a look," he told her, "I'm still cleaning up—forgot I left some things out." 

"Oh?" she sounded, stepping towards him with her phone being slid back into her pocket, "Do you want any help?" 

Growing close enough, she peered around him to see what he was working on. Instead of spotting the graphite and colored pencils she figured she'd find, she instead saw tiny green buds splaying across the wooden surface with a pair of loose pieces of thin paper and a tall black canister. Harry worked quickly to clean up the mess, majority of the green flakes having been scooped up and replaced in the container though he was struggling to wrangle the remains back into their container. 

"'S alright," he murmured, shifting just enough to cut her view of the space, "'M almost done." 

Rolling her lips between her teeth, she rocked on her heels as she stayed put. Before she could think better of her words, they were already spilling from her mouth: 

"Is that weed?" 

She cringed at the sound of her voice wrapping around something so outside of her vocabulary. It sounded better in her head.

Harry's hands slowed, stilling before he looked over his shoulder at her. A sliver of his workspace was once again revealed at the small shifting. 

"What was that?" he pressed, his question seemingly heavy between the two of them. 

She said the wrong thing, didn't she? (Y/N) dropped her gaze from his, settling on the new bumblebee on his neck instead. 

"I ask if that was your... you know," she trailed off, hating the sound of her floundering almost more than just saying the word outright, "That's weed, right?" 

Feeling Harry's gaze trail over her, (Y/N) tried not to squirm. 

"It is, yeah," he muttered, "I didn't realize I left it out. 'M sorry."

Darting her eyes up to match his once more, she tipped her head to the side. "Why are you sorry?" 

Turning away from the dresser entirely, Harry faced her directly. He gave her a small shrug. "I don't like leaving it out when you're here. I meant to clean it up before y'came over, but I forgot." 

"You know I don't mind," she reminded him, "You don't have to be sorry." 

A gentle smile curled his lips, only a single dimple in his cheeks as he looked at her. 

"Thank you, love," he started, "Let me clean up, I'll wash m'hands again, and then I'll—" 

"What does it feel like?" 

(Y/N) could feel her skin simmering in embarrassment as her tumbling question fell from her mouth before she had a chance to police the words. Everything she had been too distracted to ask him came flooding back then, unable to be stopped now that she saw the opportunity. 

"Sorry," she peeped, realizing how abruptly she had cut him off.

He waved her off, "'S alright." He watched her with attentive eyes, catching each of her expressions and minute movements. "What does what feel like?" 

There was no going back now, she figured. 

"Being high," she peeped, "What does it feel like?" 

While he didn't seem to understand where her line of questioning was coming from, or understood her sudden curiosity in his private hobby, he didn't dissect any further. 

Harry rolled his neck, pursing his lips. "It's different for everyone," he started, much the same as Sarah had, "It depends on the kind you smoke, too." 

"But what does it feel like for you?" she rattled off, her words coming quick. Her hands were a busy bundle at her waistline, looking at him with curious eyes. 

A small tug on the corner of his lip had a lopsided smile sparking on his mouth. "It depends, like I said, on what kind, but I usually like it best when m'hands hurt. It helps numb it long enough for the cramping to go away," he mused, "But, other than that, it makes me tired—but not enough to sleep. I jus' want to do nothing but sit and eat. I also get very touchy; lots of cuddling with pillows and whining about not being with you." 

He had to have known that his last comment would get her lips splitting into a sheepish smile, (Y/N) dropping her head to fix her gaze at their feet. It was still a little wild to her that Harry thought about her as often as she did him, even when she wasn't right in front of him.

"You feel like that every time?" 

"Mostly, yeah," he shared, "Sometimes I feel like sketching, or I fall asleep right away. Back when Mitch and I would go out a lot, I used to be really hyper—doing stupid shit because I wasn't afraid of anything. I've definitely calmed down since then." 

"Oh," she sounded. (Y/N) couldn't imagine Harry being reckless, getting himself into trouble that way—but, this was the same man that apparently received his first tattoo at a mechanic's garage by a very amateur artist. He was capable of anything, she guessed. 

"Why do you want to know, love?" he asked, tipping his head with a spiral of his curl falling over his shoulder. 

She attempted to act as nonchalant as possible, giving a shrug of her shoulders despite her lips being rolled between her teeth. "I don't know," she answered, "I've just been thinking about it, I guess." 

"Yeah? Is that all y'wanted to know?" 

While there had to have been hundreds of questions that could come to mind, everything from what he and Sarah meant when they specified reactions were based on the strain or kind of weed that was being consumed, to what skunks vs. dank meant when it came to the herb, she didn't know where to start. Though there was one thing she was wanting to know, beyond just the details of what it would be like to see a clingy, lovey Harry. 

"What do you think I'd be like?" she asked, her words coming out in a rush before she could rethink them.

Harry's gaze was warm on her face as he examined her. Amusement sparked in his eyes. 

"I don't know, but I have a feeling you'd be a little bit like Mitch," he explained, "I think you'd be excited about everything. But, I'd hope you'd be a little like me just because I like the idea of you being clingy and warm, too." 

She liked that idea, too. It was easier this time to add herself to the picture of Harry, Mitch, and Sarah, superimposing herself at Harry's side with her own hearts in her eyes and her hands tangled with his. (They could sneak kisses, too, if she caught the bug of no fear like he used to have).

"Could—Can I—... I think I want to try, if that's alright," she stuttered, unable to find the right words before just letting something roll off her tongue. 

Harry's silence was heavy between them, the lilypad of his irises setting on her. "You want to try smoking?" 

Starting with a soft nod, she tried to find that reckless bubbling that had carried her this far. "I think so, yeah." A beat passed. "If that's alright." 

When he didn't immediately say anything, she chanced a peek up at him to find his eyes fixed on her, gentle and melting as he took her in. He opened his arms for her when he caught her eye, his features softened and warm. "C'mere." 

(Y/N) all but fell into his arms, his chest warm and solid under her cheek. She looped her arms around his middle, her eyes fluttering closed as she relaxed into him. He worked like a shot of lavender incense and chamomile tea for her, the perfect thing to settle her in moments like these. 

His hand spanned over the planes of her back, fingertips massaging the knots of muscle and ladder of her spine. He rubbed over her form in a soothing circuit between her shoulder blades, his opposing hand an anchoring weight on her waist. 

"Y'really want to try it out, love?" he prodded her gently, his voice rumbling under her cheek. 

"I think so," she mumbled, finding it easier to speak now that she was there to hold her instead of watch her.

"When did y'decide that?" 

"The other day, I think," she explained, "After we talked on the phone." 

He hummed, the sound reverberating in her ear. "What made y'think y'wanted to try something like this?" 

Harry always liked to talk her through things like this, she found. It made it easier for him to understand her thought process, he'd said, helping him be honest with her if he worried she was making a choice that might hurt her later. He never lacked patience when it came to guiding her through new experiences. 

"I don't know," she answered honestly, "I just want to know what it's really like. I've only seen a couple of movies and read a few books, but I want to know what it would feel like for me. I don't think it could be so bad if you like it." 

Nosing at her hair, she could feel the smile that had spread across his lips. "'M not always the smartest though, baby. You know that." 

She let out a small laugh at his griping. "I know, but I trust you. If you really don't think it would be good for me, I know you would tell me." 

A pause settled between them. 

"You don't feel like you have to, right? Jus' because 's something I do sometimes, I don't expect you to feel comfortable with it or want to do it with me." 

"I know," she responded, voice resolute, "I just want to try it at least once. If I don't like it or anything like that, I won't do it again." 

After a lingering moment, Harry drew her away from him, peering down at her with a soft gaze. "If you're sure, then we can try it whenever y'want. Jus' let me help you, and I'll be there." 

An impulsive flicker lit through her system. She was on a roll, why stop now? 

"Can we try it tonight?" 

Harry looked at her with widened eyes. "Tonight?" 

(Y/N) nodded her head. "I don't have class until the afternoon tomorrow," she started, a plan coming together, "Do you have to go in early tomorrow?"

His smile was lopsided as he shook his head, likely following where she was going with this. "No, I don't." 

"We could stay up, then," she rattled off, "I could try tonight, and if anything goes wrong we can sleep in a little in the morning." 

Amusement filtered through his gaze. "I didn't know we were having a sleepover," he teased her, dipping his head until his nose nudged against hers, "Y'want to stay the night with me, baby?" 

Her skin hummed as (Y/N) fought the urge to hide herself in his neck. (She acted as if he hadn't been fingers deep in her just a few hours prior, their mouths welded together and her legs around his waist)." 

"Harry," she whined, curling her fists in his t-shirt to keep from pulling away, "I'm trying to be serious." 

"I know," he crooned, tipping his chin to peck a soft kiss to her pouted lips, "And, 'm listening. We can try it out tonight, if y'really want to. But, I think we should eat first, yeah?" 

"Yeah," she repeated, giving a slight nod of her head, "I still need help with the website, though."

"Right," he murmured, pulling away, "Since I don't really need to clean up anymore, let me take a look." 

With that, (Y/N) handed him her phone, telling him about the confusion she felt with the links and the rerouting and all, but her mind was somewhere else. Flicking her gaze around his shoulder, she saw the mess he was leaving out for them to take care of later. The small green buds sparked that familiar kind of nervous excitement that she'd grown accustomed to when it came to new things Harry was planning on teaching her. 

She just hoped she didn't make a fool of herself.

—————

"What did you think, love? Good, right?" 

Taking their dirty utensils—including the pink chopsticks he gifted her for Valentines—Harry spoke over his shoulder as he made his way to the kitchen.

(Y/N) sat pliantly on the couch, tummy full of the variety of sushi rolls they sampled for the night, along with a new favorite miso soup that she was surely going to be craving as the week went on. "So good. I think my favorite is still the spicy salmon one with that seaweed salad on top." 

Harry laughed from where he stood, surely remembering the way she had practically taken that roll for herself, hoarding the pieces to allow only one bite for him. "I really liked that one, too. We'll have to go back again soon, yeah?" 

"Yes, please," she chirped, looking over the back of the couch as he made his return. 

While the food was a delicious distraction for the night, (Y/N) had still marinated in the idea of what would be coming once she finished and they were settling for the night. The mess he'd left on his dresser was waiting for them, loose papers and all. 

"Ready?" he asked, coming to stand at the end of the sofa.

Was she? She wasn't sure, honestly. But that uncertainty was outweighed by the curiosity and bubbly jitters she had since Harry had agreed to help her. 

Before she had a chance to answer and take his hand, Harry spoke up again, "Jus' to get ready for bed first, baby." 

"Oh," she sounded, nothing more intelligent coming to mind at the moment, "Um, yeah. Then we'll...?" 

He cracked a smile at her hesitancy to name the activity that she had brought up. "Yes, we'll do that afterwards. You'll probably feel more comfortable in some pajamas and your face clean." 

Though she felt a bit silly at the way she had built up a moment that hadn't quite arrived yet, she understood his logic. Besides, if she turned out to be like Sarah, she wouldn't beat herself up in the morning if she did all of her skincare now, and not when she was already inches from sleep.

Taking Harry's hand, she followed after him as he led her to his bedroom, a small duffle bag of hers that stayed here was already sitting by the bathroom door. A change of clothes, and minis of her most essential skincare needs were packed away inside, making it easy for her to spend the night impulsively when she wanted to. 

(Just then, the reminder that she wouldn't be confined to a single bag when they moved in together made her more giddy than before. Soon, she'd be sharing a whole closet with him, a bathroom, and a home. She couldn't wait).

(Y/N) went through the motions of getting unready with Harry standing behind her in the mirror. More often than not, as she brushed her teeth or patted a balm into her skin, her eyes wandered to his reflection. Once or twice, when she was caught, he gave her a sly smile with glimmering eyes. But, when he didn't catch her, his attention on his own task, she was left to allow her mind to gill with imagination. 

She was reminded as she ran her eyes along the cut of his jaw, the plants of his features, and the high points in-between, that he would be stepping behind the lavender veil with her. His previous conversation with her had only revolved around her and what she wanted out of this experience, straying her mind away from the fact that he was going to be a part of the package. 

What would he look like with smoke pluming from his mouth? Would his lilypad eyes go glazed and red? She wondered if his hands would feel any different gliding over her skin, if his lips would still feel as pillowy against hers. 

The thought had her cheeks warming, a sheepish smile forming around the toothbrush between her lips. 

Harry finished before her, stepping out of the bathroom to give her privacy to change into her pajamas. "I'll wait for you out here," he murmured, pressing a gentle kiss to the side of her head. 

Closing the door behind himself, she was left alone with the chilled tile under her socked feet. Glancing at the mirror, (Y/N) found herself fresh-faced with wide eyes and a slight swell to her lips from the amount of times she rolled them between her teeth. Blinking, she wondered if she would look any different to Harry after she pulled the smoke into her lungs. 

It was with rushed hands that she dressed into her sleep clothes (really nothing more than a pair of tiny shorts she would inevitably kick off in the night, and a shirt she had stolen so long ago from Harry that it was hers now), almost slipping her top on backwards before she righted herself in the mirror. Stepping out of the washroom with her laundry being dropped atop her duffle for later, (Y/N) saw Harry once again at his dresser.

This time, he looked to her with an easy smile, his hands working over the surface before him.

"Better?" he smiled, lip ring bobbing. 

"Mhm," she hummed, moving towards him in slow strides, "What are you doing?" 

Turning back to face his hands, he told her, "Jus' getting our things ready. Do you want to watch?" 

A pinch creased her brows as she went towards him. Peering around his shoulder, she saw him working with one of the loose papers from before and a small pile of crushed up greenery. 

"What do you have to do?" (Y/N) only had a vague idea of what all went into preparing for a session like this. 

Smiling down at her, his ministrations slowed now that her attention was placed on his hands. He sidestepped just enough to allow her an unobstructed view of his work. "I figured we'd stick with a joint this first time, so I've got to roll one up for us to use." 

Looking at it now, while she didn't have much knowledge of any of this, she could see familiar pieces forming. The paper would be rolled and twisted with the bud inside, Harry flickering a lighter at the end like a cigarette when it was ready.

"How do you do that?" she muttered, stepping that much closer, feeling as if she were a child pressing their nose against the glass separating them from gallons of ice cream. 

A huffed laugh fell from his lips then. Lifting his arm up, he beckoned her to stand between his chest and the dresser. "C'mere." 

Slipping into the small space he freed for her, the heat of his chest could be felt against her back. Though she caught whiffs of it before, now the herby, earthy smell of the bud was right at her nose, wafting through the air and clinging to her skin. Right in front of her, Harry worked around her, his fingers deftly working through his supplies. 

"First," he started, "You've got to keep the paper flat out and put one of the filters at the end." She watched as he pulled a tiny white piece from the canister, setting it at the middle of one of the short ends of the paper. He kept it stable when he reached for the ground up weed that he had piled in the lid to the container, a small mound he pinched at before sprinkling the chunks in a line across the paper. "We've got to fill it up enough so there's not any air bubbles between," he explained as he worked, his arms hovering above her shoulders as he created their joint with the ease of experience. "This part’s always a little hard for me," he told her, to her surprise. 

"What do you mean?" He could have fooled her.

"'S hard to pack it in like this," he elaborated, his voice dull as he concentrated, "M'fingers are too big, so I've got to be extra careful that I don't mess it up." 

Honing her gaze in on his digits, she had to keep herself from tipping her head to the side and falling victim to the sight. She could see it then, she figured, watching as he tried to pat everything as tightly and precisely as possible. His fingers definitely were too big. 

"Oh," she sounded. 

A breathy laugh came from behind her, the exhale twisting through the hair on the top of her head. "Would y'do something for me, love?" he asked, finally packing enough in as tightly as he could before he started folding the ends of the thin paper. 

She gave a nod, now too transfixed on his hands to speak with an even tone. 

"Would you give this a lick for me?" he asked, "We've gotta seal it up before I can twist it all up." 

"Like, the paper?" she clarified, eyeing the open flap he was presenting to her with the joint grasped carefully between his fingers. 

Harry hummed a confirmation. "There's glue on this edge like an envelope. Gotta make it sticky, then I can close it up for us."

"Um, okay," she muttered, placing a steadying hand on his wrist as he brought the almost-joint to her lips. 

Parting her mouth, she swiped the tip of her tongue along the very edge of the paper. It didn't taste quite as artificially sweet as a regular envelope, but then again, everything was coated in that dusky scent that the herb folded inside held. 

"Thank you, baby," he told her, pulling the joint from her lips as he did the closing motion of sealing the edge to the roll. She watched as he did the final step, twisting down the free edge into a tight swirl before he presented it with the filtered end between his fingertips. "All done." 

In front of (Y/N) was the stereotypical joint that she had seen in the few films that showed as much. The paper was translucent in the way that she could clearly see it was filled from the inside with dark, green flakes. The filtered edge was tapered down into a small funnel, leaving the head of the roll trumpeting out, thick with the ground up weed. 

"That was fast," (Y/N) muttered, wanting to reach out and touch, but too scared. 

"I've gotten pretty good, I can't lie," he joked with her, pressing his lips to the back of her head. A paused settled again before he spoke to her, his head still dipped down as he murmured, "Y'still feeling alright, darling? Still want to, or do y'want to go to bed and watch a movie instead?" 

Examining the joint in front of her, the thick scent of the weed surrounding her with the heat of Harry's chest at her back, she nodded her head. "I still want to." 

Dropping an arm to wrap around her waist from behind, Harry hugged her to him for a moment. "Grab a jacket then, and we'll go out back for a second, yeah?" 

"Outside?" she asked, turning in his hold. 

"Don't want it stinking up the house, right?" He looked at her with a raised brow, already stepping towards the closet in search of his own coat. "We'll be fast, baby, 's alright." 

(Y/N) supposed he was onto something, realizing that she had never been struck by the heavy scent like she would figure if he had smoked in his bedroom. As long as no one complained, it wasn't a bad idea to head outback for a second. It would be nice to take in deep breaths in between the smoke too, she figured. 

With a set of slippers on her feet, and a thick hoodie on her body, she followed Harry out the back door, ending on the back patio. He sat on the stoop at her feet, patting the space next to him. 

"Warm enough?" he asked, moonlight waning above their heads. 

Snuggling closer to his side, she nodded her head. "I'm alright, thank you. Are you warm?" 

Despite the unzipped jacket on his form and the thin t-shirt underneath, Harry gave her a small smile. "'M good, baby." 

Flicking out a lighter and the joint from his pocket, he sparked the flame with a flick of his fingers. 

He ran the spark over the trumpeted tip of the joint, his face warming in the firelight glow. "We'll take it easy tonight, yeah?" he murmured, concentration on his hands, "I don't think it'll take much to get y'there, so we probably won't finish this but we'll save the rest for another time if you want." 

She watched as he rotated the edge of the joint over the flame, evenly burning the tip. "Are you not going to have any?" 

"I will," he assured her, "But, I want to make sure I can take care of you. I won't be having too much." 

Having a deja vu moment, (Y/N) was reminded of how it felt to be sitting in his lap as he fed her wine, keeping his own head clear while he let her run wild. 

With the end of the joint glowing a warm orange, Harry put the lighter away. He ashed the very tip away, revealing cool lavender smoke twisting through the air with a heady scent clinging to the particles. 

"Want the first go?" he asked, tipping the roll towards her in an offer. 

"No, no," she answered immediately, "You first." 

His smile was lopsided as he agreed, pulling the joint to his mouth. She watched as he tucked the filtered end between his lips, taking in a shallow inhale with the fiery end glowing to life. His chest expanded as he inhaled. He only pulled the roll away from his lips when his chest was puffed with smoke, a lingering second passing before he exhaled, plumes of dancing smoke drifting through the air. The heavy, thick aroma of the weed surrounded them. 

(Y/N) couldn't pull her eyes from him as the smoke seeped from between his lips, a thin, violet filter hazing his features. The moon above seemed to catch each particle, drowning the scene in cool toned shades, muted and closed. 

She waited for something to change in the way he looked, the way he acted. When the only thing he did was turn to her with a blink, once again offering the joint to her for a try, she wasn't sure what she had expected. 

"Do y'think y'can do that?" 

Her brows creased. "Do what?" 

Amusement molded his features as he tipped his chin towards his offering. "Taking a hit," he stated, "Inhaling, and everything." 

"I-I think so," she answered, carefully pulling the roll from his fingers. She hesitated before taking it to her lips, nervous to replicate his actions while he watched. "Do you feel any different?" 

His smile was warm as he shook his head. "No—probably won't be too different tonight. I've built my tolerance pretty high, so I'll be fine." 

"Oh," she sounded, feeling the slightest bit disappointed knowing that she wouldn't get the full experience of seeing him for what he was under the influence. Maybe sometime she could convince him to let it go. Focusing back on the joint, she stared intensely at the thin ribbon of smoke falling from the tip. "How do I inhale?" 

"Jus' breathe in, baby," Harry laughed, throwing an arm across her shoulders. He tucked her against his side, warming her through her layers. "Only take a little bit at a time, though. And, if y'need to cough, jus' let it happen. You'll be alright." 

Though it was only a few tiny rules, it felt like so much to remember, to keep track of while she was trying something so foreign.

"Wh-What if I take too much?" she muttered, worrying now the longer that she let it keep burning. She hoped she wasn't wasting everything he'd done for her. 

Harry paused, rolling her question around his head before answering. "You'll be alright," he assured her, "Jus' don't want you to take too much, or anything, that's all." 

The idea of taking too much scared her more than the other rules. She didn't know what too much was; how would she know if there was too much in her lungs, how would she know if she needed to pull back? 

"Can you help me?" she murmured, worry lacing through her tone. 

"I can hold it for you if you want?" he offered, though his option didn't seem so concrete as she had hoped. 

"You can't do more?" 

A small silence sat between them when he didn't answer right away. She looked to him, finding him looking at the joint between her fingers with a contemplative crease between his brows. 

"I might have an idea that we can try," he started, flicking his gaze to match hers. "Y'trust me, right?" 

Her nod was immediate. 

A small smile folded his lips as he took the joint from her hand. He brought the roll to his lips, taking in another deep inhale with his eyes fluttering as his chest expanded. The cherry brightened as he pulled in the smoke. As soon as he pulled it away from his mouth, he spoke to her in a muddled voice, a small streak of smoke escaping through his nose. 

"C'mere." 

(Y/N)'s eyes rounded out in confusion. She was already right here, right?

The arm Harry had thrown across her shoulders slithered around her form until his palm came to a cradle on her cheek. He pressed forward then, his lips parting just enough for (Y/N) to get the hint. 

He wanted to kiss her.

Fluttering her eyelids to a close, she leaned forward in an attempt to meet him halfway. Harry, with his hand on her cheek, stopped her short, a small distance left between them. 

With her eyes opening to slits, she found him looking to her with his own gaze trained on her lips. His tender hand on her cheek shifted until his thumb was resting in the full of her bottom lip. Tugging just slightly, he parted her pout into a small gape. Harry ripped his head, leaning just that much closer with his pursed lips. 

(Y/N) held her breath, her own mouth parted open as she felt soft plumes of smoke fan over her lips. His lips just barely grazed her own, pressing against the soft pillows as the smoke ghosted over her tongue, heady and thick.

Pulling away just enough with smoke still twirling around his features, he told her, "Breathe in, baby." 

His voice was still heavy in his throat, emulating the way he spoke in the morning. The detail gave (Y/N) something to focus on as she instinctually closed her mouth as if biting down, the smoke now contained to a thin veil between them. He kept his hand steady on her cheek as she inhaled the way she saw him do, her chest bloating as she filled her lungs with the gifted smoke. 

While she didn't feel the burning in her chest that she thought would accompany the smoke, she instead felt a thick heat in the back of her throat. She tried to mimic what she had seen Harry do, keeping the smoke in her lungs for a moment before exhaling, but she couldn't keep up when she felt her eyes begin to water. 

Unable to handle it much longer, (Y/N) released her breath in clumsy pants, embarrassed to be reacting so intensely right in Harry's face. Though, all he did was stay steady in his spot by her, thumbing at her chin and coaxing her through it. 

Tipping her head down, she finally coughed into her sleeve, eyes watering as she went with his hand falling to the slope of her neck. 

"'S alright, baby, jus' let it out," he murmured, his voice a gentle soothe, "You'll feel better in a second, love." 

By the time she regained her breath, there was a slight glaze over the back of her throat—not quite a tingle, but not entirely normal. Harry tipped his head down by then, pressing a soft kiss to the corner of her mouth with his palm spanning the shelf of her collarbones. 

"Y'alright?" he murmured, ever patient when he pulled away to match her eyes. 

Nodding her head, (Y/N) swallowed around her odd throat. "Was that alright?" she croaked, wet bottom lashes grazing the height of her cheekbone.

A fond smile molded Harry's features into soft curves. "Y'did jus' fine, lovebug. So proud of you for not getting scared," he praised her, thumb running over her warm skin, "Feels a little weird doesn't it?" 

(Y/N) didn't have to think before she nodded her head, watching as he ashed the joint they had probably let burn for just a touch too long. "Really weird," she told him earnestly, "My throat feels funny, but that's all so far."  

"Yeah? Want to keep going?" His eyes skated over her features, taking in every reaction, every minute stretch of her muscles. 

While she was sure there was something that would hit soon, she still felt comfortable enough to take a little more from him. (Y/N) answered with a small nod. 

"Same way we did before?"

Remembering the feel of his lips glancing across hers, the faint brush of the tip of his nose over hers, she could feel her skin simmering. "Yeah," she answered, hoping he thought the breathy quality of her voice was a lingering side effect of her coughing. 

He didn't look entirely fooled when that sly smile touched his lips. "Alright," he said, bringing the joint back up to his lips, "We'll do a couple more, then I think you're done, baby. That alright?" 

"That's alright," she murmured, "Thank you." 

This time, watching him taking in the long drag, (Y/N) knew what to expect when he turned to her. She allowed him to hover close enough that he was almost kissing her as he blew out another plume of smoke for her to inhale. When she took her time filling her lungs with the smoke, Harry tipped his head and smeared his lips over her cheek, kissing down her neck. 

She had more confidence this go around, coaxing herself through as Harry held her. That thick feeling in the back of her throat intensified as she closed her eyes, her chest expanding under her borrowed hoodie. 

"Doing good, baby," he murmured into her ear, pulling away to match her gaze, "Go ahead and breathe out, love. I think you're good." 

Following his direction, the lavender smoke twirled between them. Sucking in clean air, she filtered out her lungs. This time around, opening up her eyes to look up at the moonlight and the stars blinking over the inky canvas, things felt different. There was a bit of lethargy to her movements, even in the darting of her gaze. Her limbs felt as if there was extra weight attached, something heavy that slowed her before she even had a chance to move.

It was an odd feeling, something that she'd never experienced before or had anything of comparison to, but it wasn't unpleasant. She'd even say she liked it so far.

Harry seemed to pick up on the fact that she was edging into new territory as he watched over her, eyes sparking from amusement. "One more?" 

"Yeah," she settled, her lips feeling looser the more she sunk into the moment, "One more." 

"Wanna try by yourself?" he asked, taking his own small puff from the joint before he was angling it towards her. 

"Not by myself, no," she argued, still scared to be in charge of her own dosing. 

"I can hold it for you if y'want—take it back when you've had enough," Harry offered, letting a cloud leave his lips as he spoke. 

"Okay," she nodded, taking on his offer. 

"Open," he instructed, setting the filter of the joint between her lips, "Then jus' suck in, okay? You'll be able to feel it in the back of your throat, so stop if you've had enough and I haven't taken it back yet." 

(Y/N) wrapped her lips around the filter, taking in Harry's directions with absent ears. She couldn't imagine he wouldn't be able to catch herself and her intake before he did. 

Emulating what she'd seen from him before, she sucked in, her cheeks hollowing just enough to show off the shape of her cheekbones. The back of her throat warmed, embers igniting in a low burn. This was more than what Harry had given her before, but she didn't mind. This would be just enough,she figured.

At the perfect moment, Harry pulled away prompting her to breathe out the final cloud of smoke. He asked the joint once more, a small pile of grey dust having collected at their feet. 

A few huffed coughs fell from (Y/N)'s lips, unused to the feeling of gathering the smoke directly from the source. Harry wrapped his arm around her, tucking her into his side as she eased through the final intake. 

"How do you feel?" he asked her, voice low under the moonlight. 

Looking around, (Y/N) tried to find the answer to the question. 

It was an odd feeling, she decided. She felt both light and heavy at the same time, her head in the clouds with her body entirely anchored to the ground. Prickles poked at her skin, her limbs their own entity as she brought her hands into a bundle in her lap. 

There was no other way to describe it other than the fact that she felt high. 

"Good," she answered simply, "Different." 

"You'll get used to it, my love," he murmured into her ear, pressing a soft kiss to the space just before. 

"Do you feel different?" she asked, her voice heavy in her dry throat. 

"A little," Harry explained, stubbing out the cherry of the joint, "But, I think 's time we get inside before either of us freezes, don't you think?" 

"Yeah, yes."

It was when Harry let out a small huffed laugh that (Y/N) couldn't contain her own laughter. A loud peal fell from her lips. She wasn't even sure why she was laughing. That only made her laugh harder.

—————

"That is so funny," (Y/N) giggled to herself, clenching her hands in the fabric of her top lest she forget they were there. "Harry, did you see that?! It was funny!" 

He was back in the kitchen, working over the stove with a pot of noodles boiling away and a cheesey sauce working on the other burner, leaving (Y/N) to watch this movie all on her own. 

"Which part, baby?" he asked, his rumbling voice sounding farther away than she remembered. 

(Y/N) blinked, watching the brightly colored animated characters go across the television screen. "The one that was just on! With the cat on the piano!" 

How could he not have been paying attention? (Y/N) had never seen something so entertaining before, if she was being honest. This had to be her new favorite movie—she just needed to remember what it was called. 

"Oh," he sounded, "I did see that, sorry, lovebug. It was very funny." 

"Good," she responded absently, craning her neck to look over the back of the couch towards where he stood in the kitchen, "I'm so hungry, H." 

"I know," he laughed, looking at her with his skin seemingly glowing and the smile of a prince. "'M almost done, okay?" 

"How close is ‘almost’?" 

His smile only widened at her line of questioning. (Y/N) mimicked that look without a thought. 

"About five minutes. Can you wait that long?" 

"I'll try." She couldn't help the pout that took her features. She had told him she was hungry what felt like hours ago, and she still was waiting for food. He wouldn't even let her help either, but she could argue that she would have eaten already if he just let her follow him to the kitchen.

Raising his brows, Harry fixed his attention back on the television screen. "Oh, look. The little cat is back, baby." 

(Y/N)'s attention took a one-eighty as she did the same to face the TV once more. Harry was right, the kitten was back on screen. She didn't want to miss this. 

The high had hit her at full force only minutes after Harry had taken her inside, setting off a firing squad of so many different feelings (Y/N) had never experienced before. She had so much energy, but at the same time she wanted to sleep. She wanted to kiss and hold her boyfriend, but also had to make a point to remember where her limbs were. She wanted to eat and drink as much water as she could, but couldn't find the attention to do either of those things. In the back of her mind, she even debated on writing some for the course paper she needed to work on before the midterm exam next month—her mind swirling with ideas, but they were all out of order. 

How she decided on watching a movie instead of any of her other raucous ideas, she wasn't sure, but she was happy with the choice. This way, she was able to wrap up in the soft pink throw blanket that she left in his bedroom, sink into the new feeling, and make out with Harry when he was done cooking.

(It had really been Harry's prompting and prodding that led her to the conclusion that yes, she wanted to watch a movie and cuddle up with him while she ate, but he was happy with letting her assume it had been her own choice).

Time moved in mysterious ways since the high had hit, making it hard to decipher if it had been five hours or mere five minutes before Harry came to her with bowls of pasta and a buttery warm sauce poured over top. 

"That looks so good, H," she bubbled, overjoyed at the sight of food, "Thank you so much!" 

"You're welcome, baby," he smiled, "Do you need more water?" 

"No, just—Hold on." (Y/N) stumbled over her words, organizing her thoughts as steadily as she could and ultimately failing in favor of reaching towards Harry.

The second he settled into the cushion at her side, she had his jaw cradled in her palms, lips puckered and pressed against the corner of his mouth. A laugh bubbled through his lips, his smile felt under her kiss. 

"I missed," she laughed along with him, pulling away to watch his eyes light up and creases form around his smile, "Sorry." 

"'S alright," he beamed, cheeks still cradled in her palms, "Jus' slow down and try again." 

Though she didn't exactly have the wherewithal to follow his directions, she definitely tried her best. This time, she felt as if she went slower as she leaned in, pressing her lips to Harry's. He reciprocated her affection in soft kisses, (Y/N) melting the longer she reveled in his touch.

Her skin practically sang everywhere he touched her, taking her back to her wonderings of if there would be something extra to their affection while under the influence. That prickling that she had felt in her limbs just when the smoke started taking effect, now only occurred when he ran his fingertips over her skin or held her hand in his. The buzzing made her smile into the kiss, the pinpoint tickling under her skin.

"What's got you so smiley, hm?" Harry asked against her mouth, pulling away despite the tender hold she had on his cheeks. 

She beamed up at him with an easy grin, a rose colored glaze over her vision of him. "I just like touching you," she told him, "It tickles." 

He raised his brows in reaction, biting back a smile. "It tickles?" 

Watching the clear amusement on his face, (Y/N) couldn't help her own smile from turning into bubbling laughter. "Uh-huh," she barely answered, everything else dissolving around her laughter. 

"Now, why are you laughing?" 

Harry's investigation only proved to make the entire moment funnier to (Y/N) as she doubled over. Snuggling into his chest, she clung to him with her laughter muffled against his shoulder. "I don't know," she giggled, barely sure that the words even left her brain. 

"Oh, lovebug," he crooned, wrapping his arms around her, "What am I going to do with you?" 

A contented smile landed on (Y/N)'s features as she settled down. She burrowed against him, smushing her cheek on his shoulder and bundling her arms between their bodies. "Love me." 

The tip of Harry's nose skimmed the top of her head. "I already do that," he told her, words fanning across the strands of hair crowning her. 

"I love you too," (Y/N) answered simply. 

The cryptic sense of time she held struck once again when Harry drew away from her. Her body had relaxed into his as if she had napped on him for hours, but she could have been nestled in his arms for a max of three minutes for all she knew. 

"Are y'still hungry? Or do y'want me to save your noodles for later?" 

With that, (Y/N) swore her mind had been blown. "You brought me food, I totally forgot!" Twirling too fast for her brain to keep up, she was almost dizzy by the time she saw the bowl of pasta Harry had set in front of her, complete with salty cheese layered on top just like she asked. "That looks so good, H! Thank you." 

Harry gave her a small smile. "You're welcome, baby." 

A minute sense of deja vu niggled in the back of her head for just a second, but (Y/N) chose to ignore it in favor of twirling her fork through the spaghetti noodles.  

Had cheese always tasted this good? 

—————

"Harry, are you listening? This song is beautiful." 

"I know, love. 'S perfect, huh?" 

The drawl of Harry's response had (Y/N) peeking up at him. She found him lying with his eyes closed, mouth parted in a small gape, though his hand on her back never slowed the soothing circle he had curated.

"Are you tired?" (Y/N) whispered. 

A slight smile touched the corner of his mouth at her question. "A little. Are you?" 

(Y/N) paused, evaluating herself to give him an honest answer. "Yeah. A little." His heartbeat was set to a soothing pace under her ear, slowing into a steady rhythm as if urging him to sleep. "Are you almost asleep?" 

Though she could see his eyes were closed and his breathing was coming in soft puffs, Harry didn't slack on the duties he had taken on for the night. Since pulling her to bed and setting a playlist to softly sing through his bedroom, he had kept his cuddling hold on her firm and anchoring. He answered her every time she spoke to him and even crawled his way to the bedside table to skip the song whenever she started to whine over the melody. 

"A little," he smiled, his voice a deep rumble, "Are you?"

Another pause. "Maybe," (Y/N) answered honestly. She could fall asleep right now if she wanted, but she also wanted to keep listening to music. 

Harry hummed, his chest vibrating under her cheek. "Is there anything y'want before y'get sleepy? More water or a snack?" 

What did she need before she could peacefully fall asleep? 

Blinking her gaze up at him, she took in the tip of his nose, the curving pillow of his cupid's bow and the creamy texture of his skin. 

"A kiss? Please?" 

At that, Harry cracked his eyes open to peer down at her. "Y'haven't had enough of those yet?" 

"Never," she answered, completely honest. Harry still plucked a smile onto his lips at her response. 

"Can't blame you, darling—me neither." 

Shifting between the sheets, Harry used his free hand to cup (Y/N) cheek and tip her chin as he dipped down. He sealed his lips over hers in a loving kiss, nothing more than a soft pressing of their lips. She swore she could feel every ridge, every dip, every plane of his touch, catalogued to her memory though she hoped she would recall it in less fuzzy detail. 

"Love you," she murmured between breaths, immediately planting her lips across his once more. 

Harry smiled into the contact. He broke the rhythm of her kisses even further when he drew away, ignoring the way she chased after him with a craned neck and puckered lips.

"I love you too, lovebug." His eyes scanned over her features not for the first time that night, though something softened in his gaze. "You had a good time tonight?"

Walking through the lavender veiled events, everything was just a bit hazy and herbal, (Y/N)'s smile only grew. 

"Uh-huh," she beamed up at him, feeling herself settle into him that much more, "Thank you for showing me." 

Thumbing at the height of her cheekbone, Harry surged forward to press a delicate kiss to the bridge of her nose. "'M happy y'feel good, darling. That's all I want when we try new things." 

"I'm always happy when I'm with you." 

(Y/N) blinked as she saw his face light up with a bubbly smile, creases appearing by his eyes, dimples thumbed into his cheeks, and a slight flush over his nose. 

Had his smile always been that pretty?

—————

eeeek! so happy I could get a new aster blurb out for everyone this year! thank u sm for reading, sorry for any mistakes, and lmk if yu have any ideas for anything you'd like to see!

[sanarsi]

Kinktober Day 1

Threesome

QZ!Joel Miller x f!Reader x QZ!Tess

Gif credits @pedropcl

Summary: You have no way to pay for the goods. Tess finds a way for you to pay, Joel joins with pleasure. Warnings: +18, MDNI, threesome, dubcon kinda, pussy eating, fingering, dom!Tess, unprotected PIV, slapping, insults, dom!Joel, cursing, sex for stuff situation, rough sex Wordcount: 1,6k An: Hi babes! So here we are, welcome to this year's Kinktober. This is my first time so please be understanding of my shitty writing. I tried, but you know, when you try, it never works out the way you want it to. Anyway, I hope you have fun and we have a great time together this month :) shot approved by @yori-mik so it passed the horniness test

Masterlist and Kinktober Masterlist

Your visits to Joel's apartment stopped surprising anyone. You needed things that only he could provide you with.

He and Tess.

And you honestly had to admit that you preferred doing business with him instead of her. Tess scared you much more than Joel.

With him, you could always come to some kind of agreement, even when you had no way of paying him, but with her? You could only pray that she wouldn't stab you in the throat, which you doing at this very moment.

"Fucking unbelievable!" she shouted again, making you curl up even more in your chair. "What the fuck you thinkin’ you are?"

She came closer to you, searching for your terrified gaze. You could have sworn that making eye contact with her was like a death sentence.

"I—"

"What? Don't you know that to get the goods you must have cards?" she asked with sarcasm that clenched all your insides. "You little piece of shit, why the fuck are you wastin’ our time?"

"Tess calm down."

"No, Joel." She looked at him, silencing him with just her gaze. Apparently even he was afraid of her when she was angry and you didn't blame him at all. "Now we'll teach you why it's not worth fuckin’ us over."

After those words, you felt her hand on your neck and with a groan of pain you gave in to her. She forced you to stand up and pulled you towards the bed. You fell onto the mattress with a squeal when she pushed you hard. You were afraid of turning around to face her, preferring to lie unconsciously and listen to various rustles and steps.

"Tess, are you serious?" he asked without conviction, standing by her side.

"What? Don't you want to feel a young pussy again?" You shivered when you heard her words and from the tone in which she said it, you knew you were screwed. "I bet she'll do anything to get the stuff. Right?"

The last words were directed at you and even though you could barely catch your breath and wanted to run away, you knew how much you needed these things.

Without overanalyzing the whole situation, you nodded weakly. "Yes."

"See?"

There was silence and you were sure that Joel was trying to convince himself to this idea. He was different than Tess, you noticed that from the very beginning.

"Look, think about it and join us."

The mattress next to you gave way and after a moment you could feel a slap on the ass. You jumped on the spot, scared at the sudden touch and automatically looked to the side.

Tess sat with her back against the wall and nodded encouragingly in your direction. “Come on, we don’t have all day.”

You immediately crawled towards her.

She was waiting, naked from the waist down, her legs spread, giving you a perfect view of her cunt.

Your heart stopped in your throat and for a moment you forgot how to breathe. You couldn't remember the last time you had sex, let alone done something like this.

You glanced over your shoulder at Joel, who was standing like a statue by the bed and just watching. And maybe he was still fighting with himself, but just by his look you knew what this sight was doing to his mind.

Tess grabbed your face, digging her fingers into your cheeks and forcing you to look at her. "My pussy is here, so get to work."

With trembling hands you grabbed her hips and positioned yourself between her legs. You took a deep breath before sinking into her core and running your tongue between her slit. Her scent and taste engulfed your senses as you slowly began to caress her.

First you started to tease her hole, gently dipping the tip of your tongue inside, which elicited her first gasp. "Get to it. I'm not a virgin," she growled impatiently.

So, following her instructions, you made a few circles around her clit and then sucked on her. You managed to coax a moan out of her as you played with her sensitive spot. You spared no effort or teeth, and from what you heard, she didn't mind.

You threw yourself fully into your task, wanting to please her as best you could, and you were doing quite well until Joel's touch threw you off your rhythm. His fingers slid under your pants and in one movement he slid them, along with your panties, down your hips.

You gasped at the sudden contact of your heated skin with the cold air. You forced yourself to keep working, but your thoughts were focused only on the way the mattress dipped behind you and his thighs met yours as he positioned himself between your legs.

“Fuck.” His quiet growl made you shiver. It didn’t take long to feel his fingers on your hole, slowly spreading your juices throughout your pussy. ”So pretty.”

Your moan disappeared into Tess' body, making her shiver under your tongue. You tried to ignore the sound of him unzipping his fly and sliding down his jeans, but with each passing second it was getting harder and harder.

You held on in anticipation of what was to come as if you were at least waiting for your execution.

"She looks like she's never had a cock before," he said, slightly surprised but clearly excited by the vision of your tight hole.

"Bet she's never had one like yours." The pride in her voice made another growl escape his lips.

You dug your fingers deeper into her flesh as you felt him position himself at your entrance, his hand resting on your lower back. Without resistance, you arched more, just like he wanted you to, and moaned as he lowered his tip inside you. He gasped loudly, feeling how tight you were, and slowly began to push deeper, wanting to feel you all around him.

You pressed yourself harder into the woman's cunt to drown out the next sounds of pleasure that wanted to escape from you when Joel crashed his hips into yours. Tess gasped loudly and pressed herself closer to your tongue. You tried to make your movements precise to give her the greatest pleasure, to make her proud of you. But all it took was for Joel to grab your sides tightly and move his hips back just a few inches just to thrust hard into you, to make you lose the last of your ability to think.

Then it was a race against time.

On one side was her, whimpering softly at the sight of her man fucking you with concentration. On the other side was him, growling every time he entered you so deep that he hit your cervix painfully. And in the middle was you, moaning tearfully with each of his thrusts that left you stunned, while trying to force your mouth to do something other than scream.

"I don't feel like you really want these things," Tess snapped, forcing you to focus on your role in all of this. You weren't here for pleasure, you were here because of your own stupidity.

Your lack of reaction was met with a painful slap to your ass from Joel. "She said somethin’."

You understood almost immediately what was expected of you. You slid your hand over her skin, right between her legs, and slowly pushed two fingers inside her, earning a moan from her in response. This only turned Joel on more, and he began to fuck you so hard that the only sound around was the sound of your bodies slapping against each other.

You sucked on her clit like a thirsty one and synchronized the movements of your fingers to Joel's one. Their moans began to drive you crazy, which caused tension to build in your lower abdomen.

"That little brat wants to come," he gasped in amusement, feeling you throb harder and harder around his cock.

But Tess was already too euphoric to respond to his words, more concerned with chasing her own orgasm.

"You want to cream on my cock?" he asked, but all he got in response was an agonized groan that mingled with the older woman's. "Fuck yeah, you do," he growled, slapping your ass again as he sped up his thrusts into you.

Tess was first, squeezing your fingers and throbbing in your mouth as waves of pleasure washed over her. You were right behind her, trembling and squeezing his cock so hard he hissed in pain. You prolonged her pleasure and Joel prolonged yours before he suddenly pulled out of you and after a few loud growls, he came, flooding your ass and back with hot cum.

The room finally fell silent, interrupted by your panting as each of you came down from your peak. It was only when the emotions began to subside that you realized the position you were in and what you had just done.

"That was pretty good." Joel spoke first before he got off the bed with a quiet groan and pulled his pants up. "But not enough to get all the stuff." That sentence caught your attention.

You looked at him not even knowing what to say. After all that, you have to argue about the goods? Hell no.

"What?" You glanced at Tess in panic, but she clearly didn't give a shit about the whole situation, so you turned back to Joel, who was fixing his hair.

He looked at you without a shred of sympathy. "You'll get half. For another, you'll have to try harder."

Still in post-orgasmic shock, you blinked a few times, realizing what today's situation had started.

You were fucked.

Tags: @mattmurdocksdumpy @milly-louise @rosi3ba3z @candlelover @gothcsz @tateypots @chloe302225 @natalieispunk @amyispxnk @mandoloriancookie @libre-sol @alex-does-art-things @xxchumanixx @ch3rryyyyyyyyyy @bbyanarchist @la-vie-est-une-fleur29

[safination]

Mother Of Mine

|Masterlist|

Pairings: Alastor x Reader, Velvette & Mom!Reader CW: Alastor, foul language, talks of murder, (Hopefully not, but possibly) OOC

Requested by: @thill20712 My inbox is still currently open. Feel free to keep requesting.So I just did a headcanon format for this. It was pretty fun. Listen, is this my best work? No, but that’s fine because it was actually very entertaining for me, and that’s all that matters. Tbh, I would actually like to turn this into a series but undergrad studies are killing me rn, so maybe in the future. I can like already see so much fun shit around this concept. Imagine the family dinners, or like Alastor going to an Overlord meeting and just unknowingly being slightly less of a chaotic shitlord to Velvette because there’s something faintly familiar or like Vel and Al just both doting on you.

Your husband died.

Everyone found out what Alastor had been doing. The city had no compassion for a monster’s grieving widow. Ha! Alastor would have a kick of your current situation, that’s for sure. It should have been you and him running for your life as the city chases you out of his mother’s home.

That’s how it should have been.

There wasn’t even time to gather all your belongings before those who wanted revenge go to fulfill their goal. Just a measly change of clothes, some emergency money, and documents. Photos never made it to the list. It’s funny how a single piece of film could pack the most weight.

As your ran for your life, cold and frightened, you heard muffled wailings.

And they called Alastor cruel. Who would leave a baby inside a dumpster? You thought about it . . . . Just for a second. The baby’s shrill cries were getting on your nerves, and there’s no way it will survive the night. And an orphanage is no place for a child to grow—you know that much.

So . . . why not? You could just end it’s suffering—Right here, right now.

Compassion isn’t your strongest trait. It’s why you never said anything about all those people who fell under Alastor’s pursuit of self-righteous justice. Who were you to care for someone you don’t know?

You don’t hate children, far from it, actually. Children are the light of this world, and they were the path to bring a better future into this world.  Such pure creature shouldn’t be stained by you. Especially, because you’re not sure if you could ever fully love a child the way it needs to love. Children deserved care, and you refused to bring a child into this world without the assurance that it would be loved.

It was an easy decision that Alastor wholeheartedly supported.

The world took away the very few things you truly loved. Maybe, you could return it ten-fold. . . but you’ve been cold and frightened before, just like this baby. Actually, you’re cold and frightened, right now. Also, just like this baby. Two cold and frightened souls.

So, with the clothes on your back, and no home to call, maybe¸ you’ll find warmth and safety together.

There’s always the option to give it—no, the child, just for a night. Drop the baby off on a porch of some nice couple’s home.

Tomorrow, you’ll give this baby girl away.

• Tomorrow never came

People keep assuming this baby girl is your daughter. You don’t bother correction them. Why should you? It’s not like you’re eager to say that you skipped state lines because of your dead, murderous husband, and basically kidnapped her.

It’s easier to let people assume.

And you can’t keep calling the baby, ‘that baby’. She needs a name eventually, and Alastor always spoke fondly about his mother.

Tomorrow never did come, and tomorrow never will come. Despite this, the sands of time trickled down.

The baby turned into a girl and the girl also grew. Part of your misses the days when she would raid your closet, and dress you up like a doll with a sharp tongue and a demanding attitude. Gone are the days when you’d be sleeping on the same bed, and gone are the days when you would tell her about Alastor.

You would tell her about the flowers, and how Alastor drove around the city, with you right next to him. The sun went down, the moon rose high into the night, and that sun eventually appeared once more. Yet, neither of you were ready to leave each other’s presence.

That girl grew, and took up a weird hobby of wanting to be called, ‘Vel’:

Vel walks into the room, her nose high in the air as she sharpens her tongue against you. “Mother, you cannot walk around looking like this!” she tells you. “The colors look absolutely atrocious. I will burn that shoes the next time I see it on your feet.”

Daughters can be quite judgmental. Maybe, you really should have left her in that dumpster.

“I’ll change my shoes if you stop calling yourself, ‘Vel’,” you tell her, smiling. “I gave you such a nice name, and it makes me sad that you aren’t using it!”

“It’s a stage name,” she says, rolling her eyes at you. So judgmental, that girl. “It’s what I’m going to be called when I finally get out of here, and such a drabby, old name like mine won’t get men anywhere.”

“Well, Vel, I got a call.” You tap your fingers across your knee, staring her down. “Apparently, Mister Joseph doesn’t appreciate being called a, ‘Pathetic and blind fool who goes to work looking like dog poop’.”

“I did not say fool or poop,” she says. “And that old fucker knows it.”

“What I want to know now is—Why?” You stroke your forehead. “What was he wearing too much brown?”

“No.” Vel crosses her arms. “Because my mother was called, ‘an unmarried whore, and who knows where that child come from?’”

“I am married!” You press a kiss on her forehead, chuckling. “It’s just not my fault my husband died not was it my fault your parents didn’t want you.”

Vel rolls he eyes, and sticks out her tongue.

You flicker her nose, and stick out your own tongue.

But time goes on, and as they do. All came to dust and all return to dust.

Of course, you’d end up in hell. It would be a shame that Alastor would never get to meet your daughter. It eventually all blurred into one. And if you didn’t give a flying fuck about others on Earth, why would you give any more fucks to care in Hell of all places?

Building kept growing higher and higher. Bright lights and television shaped morons came into picture. If you could find Alastor, surely, you would have a laughed together. Radio will always be superior. So, you kept your distance from that part of town.

More years kept passing. Alastor was nowhere to be found.

When enough time passes, things tend to loop. Like how you’re hearing cold and scared cries from an alley way. Something posses you to step into the alley. Piss and death and a sweet perfume all assault your nose. You keep walking and . . . somehow, your daughter ended up with you in hell.

Daughter really can be so cruel to their mothers.

Maybe, you actually should have left her in that dumpster. You were destined for Hell, and it seems you dragged your daughter down with you. If you did leave her, surely, Heaven wouldn’t turn away such a new soul.

You squat next to your sobbing daughter in this random corner in hell, and watch her tears with a small smile. “This is exactly how I found you all those years ago,” you tell her. “Although, you were much cuter.”

Her head snaps up, and through her tears, she glares at you. “Mother.”

“Yes, dear?

“Mother,” she says again, and fat tears streams out of her face. “What the fuck are you wearing? It’s soooo ugly!”

“I’m going to leave you here.” You blow a strand off your face, and lean against the wall, next to her.

It’s a lie and you both know it. If you cold leave her, cold and frightened next to a dumpster . . . Well, you would have done it a long time ago.

“Why are you even in Hell? Actually—Don’t answer that,” she says, that same sharp tongue somehow even sharper. “You were a nasty bitch in life. It’s no wonder you’re here.”

“Language.”

“Oh, fuck you!” Vel slumps on you, curling around your shoulder. There’s a scowl on her face even as she settles her body next to you. “You really are nasty. How come I’m only seeing you now! I’m sure even a recluse like you should have heard of me.”

“What am I doing here?” you parrot, matching her scowl. Actually, she got that scowl on you. That’s your scowl on her face. “What are you doing here? I raised you to be a good person worthy of Heaven!”

You pat her hair a bit, glad that she couldn’t see your face. Did you really drag her down to hell with you? Was it a mistake to love when your very love condemned her?

“That’s bullshit,” Vel says. “The decisions I made are my own. I’m here because it’s what I decided to do.”

You flicker her nose and laugh when her scowl deepens. “Please, please! Tell me you’re still not going by ‘Vel’.”

“It’s ‘Velvette’ now, actually.”

“That sounds like a stripper name,” you say, barking out a laugh. “I gave you a nice and proper name! Your name came from—”

“Mother! No one goes by their real names here!”

So that’s how you, sadly, found your daughter in Hell. Daughter, yes. Husband, no.

Oh, where is your Alastor?

Clothes are thrown everywhere. Your daughter has an eye for fashion and surely, you’re capable of remembering anything she’s tried to tell you. And granted, Velvette did tell you quite a lot of things about clothes . . . a bit too much.

Maybe you should call her, but you wouldn’t want to inconvenience her, especially since she has that show coming up. She’s worked so hard, and you’ve learned to accept that she works in such a noisy and bright place. And you have thought about those co-workers of hers, but that’s not important right now.

The door bangs open and Velvette stands there irked. “I’ve been knocking.”

You grab her and ask her about the clothes. “What do you think?”

“You know what I think about your clothes,” she says. “You haven’t been answering my calls.”

“Is that the thing that keeps ringing?”

“Mother!” Velvette says, irked. “Answer my calls, and put that down! Neon is never a good color on you.”

“Then help me then!”

“I can’t help you if I don’t know where you’re going.”

You pause to think, dropping the clothe around your arms. “I . . . I found my husband,” you say. “We’re going on a date.”

 “Are you sure about this?” she says, slowly . . . carefully. “It’s been so long. What if he’s just trying to get your soul? If you finally tell me his name, I can take a look at him. I mean, there could be other –”

“No, there’s no one else,” you say with a small giggle. It’s like you’re back to being a love sick-teenager. “There will be no one else. I’ll chain him to my basement if I have to.”

 “You keep that shit to yourself.” Velvette sinks on the couch. “I don’t want to hear about this.”

“Oh sure, but when it comes to those little co-workers of yours, suddenly, every detail –”

“Mother!”

Maybe it’s a good thing you didn’t leave her in the dumpster because with a snap of her fingers, you look beautiful.

Velvette crosses her legs. “I’ve never seen you this happy.”

“That’s not true.” You approach her, and press a kiss on her forehead. “I’ve had my happiest moments because of you. Maybe, you just weren’t watching.”

Apparently, Alastor and Velvette are familiar with each other. Unfortunately, they aren’t on very friendly terms. Actually, your house would say that they were on very hostile terms. It would be a drag to have to find a new house, but luckily, your daughter is an Overlord, and it seems your husband is also an Overlord.

Those two things overlapped, and when Velvette opened the door to see Alastor at your door. Well, the house couldn’t withstand their argument. Thing settle down, eventually.

Velvette is off showing her frustration on your poor neighbors.

Alastor stands proudly next to you, a constant and intimidating smile on his face despite the dirt and tears on his clothes. He watches Velvette curse and shout into the air. “Ours?”

“No, not at all,” you say, smiling as you watch your daughter. “Mine.”

Velvette stomps back, clothes also as dirty and torn. “I would rather skin myself than share the same blood with this tacky, old joke,” she says, hissing at him. “You’re not wanted here. It takes another level of pathetic to be shot while trying to hide a dead body.”

Alastor’s eyes twitch, and there’s that long, tried look on his face.

Maybe, hell isn’t so bad. You’ve got your daughter, and you’ve got your husband. A happy, little, chaotic family.

[renthony]

Lost in the Remaster: Star Trek, Vintage Special Effects, and the Charm of Old Media

by Ren Basel renbasel.com

Originally created by Gene Roddenberry, Star Trek is a franchise that spans decades. From the original series of 1966 to current shows such as Lower Decks, it stands as a titan of television and pop culture. The real world has undergone incredible change since Star Trek’s first appearance, yet nerds everywhere still find entertainment, inspiration, and hope in its classic episodes. Recently, along with my husband and best friend, I decided I wanted to attempt the gauntlet of watching the entire franchise from beginning to end, revisiting favorites and finally checking out the ones I missed. Media and fandom studies are my passion, after all, and Star Trek is a foundational part of modern American nerd culture.

Starting with the original series proved more difficult than expected. Living in a tiny apartment, we don’t have much space for DVDs, so Star Trek wasn’t in our existing collection. The local public library didn’t have copies, either, and putting in a purchase request doesn’t guarantee it will be made available. My family doesn’t have the funds to pay for every single streaming service on the market, and Star Trek isn’t available on any we do have access to. Piracy was starting to look like the only option, but even that fell flat when we couldn’t find a version with subtitles. Finally we dug it up officially and with subtitles, for free via PlutoTV, but there were still limitations: PlutoTV only streams season one, and season one is only available in the remastered edition that replaced the original special effects with new visuals.

It wasn’t ideal, but, hey, it was Star Trek.

Watching just one episode a week gave us enough time to scrape together savings to get what we really wanted for seasons two and three: the official BluRay release, which includes both remastered and original-release versions of each episode. The remasters are fine, but as a lover of media history and practical effects, I’m always disappointed to lose a chance to appreciate the originals. It doesn’t matter how good it might look, remasters are never as much fun to me as matte paintings, camera tricks, and whatever the prop department could pull off with ten dollars and some glue.

Finally having the BluRays in hand for season two only affirmed my love of vintage practical effects. Seeing the Enterprise in her original glory, before she was ever rendered in digital form, felt like opening a time capsule. I love time capsules. My favorite pieces of media are always those which capture a moment in time, showcasing the aesthetics, concerns, and culture of the time and place they were created. Star Trek: the Original Series is rooted in the late sixties, when mainstream culture in the United States was experiencing immense upheaval and social change. That context is written all over the show. The vintage effects add to it, grounding it in a very specific time and place. Updating the show’s effects takes away some of that 60s aesthetic, and while some may see it as making the show more timeless, I don’t care for it. To me, seeing what they could pull off before modern technology is half the fun of watching old shows. The ingenuity and creativity of propmakers, makeup artists, and set designers working on shoestring budgets is unparalleled.

To be clear, digital effects are also done by skilled professionals who deserve much more respect and many more labor protections. There are some truly stunning works created with digital tools. That said, I hate when digital effects are used to cover up the practical effects that came before. It feels disrespectful to the original artists, as if telling them their work wasn’t good enough; as if their work was just a placeholder until something better could come along and fix it. Practical effects aren’t a placeholder, they’re an art form in their own right, and that art form is one for which I have deep appreciation.

It frustrates me that the original, non-remastered episodes were such a pain for us to access, but I’m very glad to have added them to my personal media collection. No matter what future tweaks Star Trek’s rights holders might make, I can always pop in our personal copies to enjoy the Enterprise and her crew in all their vintage, “outdated” glory. If you’re also too young to remember the show’s original airing, and you have the opportunity to watch the unedited version, I highly suggest you do. Watching the version that aired in 1966 gives the show a charm that no amount of remastering can ever match.

_

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[yawujin]

Heyyy I havent seen you write any danganronpa stuff recently so if you fell out of interest its alr I was just wondering if you could please write danganronpa v3 boys x reader at the beach HEAVY on korekiyo haven't seen much fan stuff for him and it saddens me.

anyway pls&thx have a good day :)

hey anonnn, you're right i haven't written for dangan in a bit...thing is; i have a hard time writing for things i'm not currently hyperfixating on (bad trait to have i know) there are a ton of requests for dangan hcs/x reader in my inbox rn so i'll try to get more of those done ദ്ദി(˶‾᷄ᗜ‾᷅˵ ᵕ) hope you enjoy this in the meantime!!

request | v3 boys x reader 🏖 beach edition

type | headcanon format , reader insert , light hearted , you pronouns used

shuichi saihara ♡

easily gets sunburned so he prefers to stay under a beach umbrella most of the time

asks you for help with applying sunscreen all over his exposed skin

brought water bottles for everyone (my thoughtful kinggg <3)

lowkey would want to play volleyball w everyone else but think he'd be too awkward whilst playing

would most likely invite you to sit under an umbrella with him near the shore and listen to the sound of the waves with you

rantaro amami ♡

walks along the pier with you

buys you whatever you want at the concession stands there

"this beach is beautiful, you should see the ones i've traveled really far to see, too. they're amazing!" he exclaims

rantaro shows you a plethora of pictures he's taken of beaches all around the globe

would most likely collect a little bit of the sand from the beach just to keep a piece of it with him for memory's sake.

k1b0/kiibo ♡

he is awaaaaay from the water

he stands up on the rocks , looking out to the ocean (he would like to admire it without getting wet)

he's 100% a nerd so he gives you some fun facts about sharks , fish , etc

when you come back from swimming, he tells you how cool you looked

he totally wishes he could go and swim w you :(

korekiyo shinguji ♡

he enjoys the atmosphere , and your company ofc

you two walk on the pier talking about what to get for lunch

ngl it feels like a date when you are sitting across from kiyo, eating your food

"it's beautiful, isn't it?" he says, after a moment of quiet

"yeah! the beach is pretty nice." you reply

"i meant you, dear." he tells you

wink

kaito momota ♡

he's the one that set up the volleyball net

trying to encourage his sidekick to play volleyball with him

after getting rejected 5 times within a minute, he asks you

"i won't go easy on ya!"

kaito got a little too cocky for someone who kept on getting foul balls

gonta gokuhara ♡

quietly observing the hermit crabs on the beach

he marvels at the slugs crawling up the rocks

he's lowkey in bug heaven rn

you tell kokichi to stfu when he tells gonta that his hair looks similar to seaweed

"does gonta's hair really resemble seaweed?" he frowns

you comb your fingers through his hair and reassure him that his hair looks just fine :)

ryoma hoshi ♡

spends most of his time away from the crowd or in a shop on the pier

"beaches really aren't my type of scene"

you walk about a mile or two with him on the endless sands of the beach

you hadn't expected him to break the long silence until he said:

"glad you're here to keep me company."

he's pulling his beanie down to shade his eyes from the sun (and to hide his cute embarrassment)

kokichi ouma ♡

"let's both run into the water in three...two...one!"

except he stayed behind and let you do it all alone, much to your embarrassment (and annoyance)

he makes it up to you by buying you an ice cream

"awww don't be so mad! after we're done we can go swim together! promise!"

surprisingly, he keeps his promise and you two have a good time

you splash each other with ocean water playfully and engage in a small game of water tag

⋆ ˚｡⋆ my ao3

[absolutelymarshmallow]

This is my favourite scene in the show

I never noticed how complex Crowley’s outfit is in this scene. There’s red embroidery, a black sash. The rob itself is supposed to be rough, heavy, grey.

However, in the first scene in the show, Aziraphale’s robes are light, white, cotton, gold embroidered, and two-pieced. A poncho, and a skirt. His outfit is supposed to look generic, like an angel uniform. Heaven adopted this odd, manufactured, cold neatness after the fall. 

Crowley’s outfit after the fall is more like a dress. It’s being held together by the black sash. It also looks more fitted to his body, and this makes me suspect that he made this himself. The Color scheme is also fitting to his hair.

Crowley had always been naturally dramatic, everyone knows that. However, I think this is his first minor ‘fuck you’ to hell. The heaven Color scheme is grey, white, tan, gold, and primarily purple. However, before, it was primarily gold and white. Aziraphale has ways opted for golds and whites as well, but he also has a love for browns and blues. This is how you know it’s a heaven uniform.

Hell’s color scheme in the beginning is yet to be observed but it’s probably not grey, black, and red. Those are all Crowley’s colors.

He’s been separating himself from hell since the very beginning. I say *first* ‘fuck-you’ because he had been wearing these robes before he gave humans the apple: an accidental good deed, the original good-natured rebellion.

Aziraphale has been accidentally doing ‘bad’ (or minorly negative) things since the beginning as well. He got caught up trying to save an angel, he gave away a sword, and most importantly he the concept invented war and weaponry in the human history.

I think this scene’s importance gets lost on a lot of people.

Aziraphale shielding Crowley is also very, very important, no matter how adorable. He, at this point, remembers Crowley. He looks guilty, nervous even, when he sees him slither up to him. Not just because he’s a snake, but you can see there’s something small and personal that he’s trying his best to hide. I think he knows.

Then, he learns his name for the first time, it just happens to be his demonic one. He never mentions his angel name, *never*, because he doesn’t know it. But more importantly, he doesn’t want to offend Crowley.

And yet they have a meaningful conversation, which is !also! very important. The first time he meets him as an angel,  Aziraphale looks like he’s flustered and smitten. He fell first, literally and figuratively. However,  Crowley isn’t at all interested in making conversation with this angel. He’s just excitedly talking about stars. Which, I admit, is adorable, but it wasn’t in any way of meaning other than that’s when they met.

Aziraphale realises how this *new* first, important conversation is utterly vital, in their relationship. Crowley is interested in Aziraphale, and he *does not remember him* at *all*. To Crowley, he’s lost all his memories now, which he regains later over a few millennia. I suspect, he’s regained all his memories by the book of Job, which is why he acts how he does.

Crowley falls in love immediately. Angels, fallen or otherwise, have shown him nothing but disrespect since he fell. And here’s this Angel trying to help him. Aziraphale indeed has guilt, but seeing someone he knew like this, wiped clean and ‘disfigured’ (or, beautiful), makes him realise what the fall actually *was*.

Just think.

An innocent star maker. And now he sees Crowley, the *real* Crowley. He’s witty, and fun, and outward. He’s making conversation, he’s comforting, he’s sarcastic.

He’s a real being.

And how neat.

So, he holds on. He shields him. Like he was shielded before, equally innocent and new to the universe, as Crowley’s now new to earth.

He sees himself.

Aziraphale is a lot more mature with how he treats Crowley in the beginning than people realise, but he loses that later once they start forming their own side, also in the book of Job.

Emotions are complicated. I know I’ve been talking for a long time, but I think it’s neat is all.

[cyberchronics]

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫..・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

fell down a rabbit hole and now I'm obsessed with kitty sato n sugu 😵‍💫😵‍💫 fully self indulgent

★ dom sugu x sub sato x dom gn reader, threesome, little bit of dumbification, anal, face sitting, hint of aftercare ★

✩∘₊ ✩*✯☆⃟⃟⃟✯*✩₊∘✩

having a catboy in your life is special as is, but having two? you must've really gotten lucky.

at least, that's what people think when they see you around town with satoru and suguru. they're both hybrids, human and animal features binding together to make two impossibly pretty things that cling to your hips. so different in appearance, yet they fit with you as if you're the missing piece to their puzzle.

satoru is a pampered kitty, snow-white ears and tails overly fluffy and never dirty. his tail sways idly, rubbing the back of your calf tenderly. It compliments his cuddly personality and the way he always pounces on you before sinking his fangs into your shoulder playfully.

suguru, on the other hand, is more reserved. his sleek black ears twitch happily whenever you pet him gently, giving away his emotions despite the neutral look on his face as you toy with his fur. he's not as energetic as his playmate, yet after a long night together it's hard to figure out who's responsible for the red marks littering everybody's skin shamelessly.

∘₊ ✧───────────────────✧₊∘

Somehow, those two always manage to get here. They had once again pulled you into their bed after a long night out, Satoru squishing himself between two warm bodies with a smile. It's evident that he's trying to tease the both of you at once, hands squeezing your waist playfully and head buried in your chest as he rubs his ass against Suguru and waits for his patience to snap.

He knows how good it feels when Suguru gets worked up, having first-hand experience from when he would push him to his limits during ruts. The firm touch manhandling him into a comfortable position, adding yet another to the long list of nights where he would get his hips gripped so roughly and pounded into the mattress... the thought has him rolling his hips forward, pressing the growing bulge in his pants into your thigh.

It goes without saying that he gets in trouble with both of you. Not that he minds, of course. Suguru’s fingers bully him open as you grip his cock, brushing your thumb over the pretty pink tip as a means to punish him is just what he needs after a long day. Being the strongest is hard work, or so he always says before curling up with you in bed. What better way is there to destress than getting his brains fucked out?

Before long, Satoru gets just what he wanted. Suguru's thick dick slides in and out of him in a constant rhythm as he arches into the bed. The sweet noises he would usually be making are muffled by the weight of your body of his mouth, the mouth that seems to be the only functioning part of his body. It gives your hole gentle kitten licks, rough muscle sending shivers up your spine as it teases by circling before diving in for more.

The last thing on Satoru's fuzzy head is complaining. He's enjoying giving you two pleasures if his twitching cock and the pearly mess on his stomach are any tell. His only fluffy tail now stained with both his and Suguru's cum wraps around the man inside of him's waist, sharp nails digging into your thighs as he pulls you deeper onto his tongue. He could die happy like this, really.

Being degraded into a mere sex toy for his lovers to use while his needs are ignored is one of the most gratifying experiences he's ever had. Even when you two are nice enough to give him a break, he spends the entire time babbling about how much fun he's having and rubbing his head against whoever's closest. With the amount of stamina being around you gives him, he's prepared to go all night as a fucktoy.

Luckily for Satoru, he was blessed with very graceful partners. When he's truly at the edge of his consciousness you both seem to take notice, spending the rest of the night pampering him with affection. Cleaning him up with a warm cloth when he mumbles how tired he feels, showering him with tender kisses, and pulling him back into the same position as before you even started. Though his words are semi-incoherent he still whispers out a small "thank you", a ditzy smile on his face as he drifts off to sleep.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫..・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

a/n: this barely had anything to do with them being hybrids, but still scratched an itch in my brain <3 so sorry about my absence (again!!), march is always such a busy month :( but I promise, im ready to post again!!!

also made the executive decision to launch an acc just for fluff, @chroniccybers :) think it'll help me keep motivation if I seperate the type of fics I make lol

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

Fellow watches a Drama Club production and joins them either because Vil Ortho ask or because he decides their performance needs the Fellow Pizzazz. “Let’s make it fun! That’s what theatre should be.”

… I couldn’t resist joining in the joke about how Fellow and Gidel’s localized names are their fake identities to dodge the police 😂

Fun fact, the buff student I mentioned in this interaction is a reference to Beans Day II; in that event, Vil earns the respect of physically intimidating mob students by beating them up www

So tell me, do you wanna go?

There was, Fellow noticed, a commotion in the courtyard as he and Gidel passed it.

Hmm? What's this?

Fellow waved his hand at Gidel, signaling for the boy to crouch down. Together, the two scrambled into the hedges to observe the scene.

Professional lights and cameras were set up, and the students swarming the perimeter bore clapboards, makeup palettes, brushes, and watches. Others were centered, having traded their school uniforms for new attire—sumptuous suits and glittering baubles. The fine metals and jewels caught the sunlight, winking at Fellow. His gaze snapped to them.

Jackpot!! Those must be worth a chunk of change.

“CUT!!”

Fellow balked at a stern bark cutting through the light hum of activity. Beside him, Gidel made to cover his own ears.

A slender young man with his golden locks pinned into a loose bun had come into focus. He slapped a rolled up script against an open palm, his beautiful face—one that had graced several glossy high fashion magazine covers and TV screens—twisted in disappointment. One withering look from him, and a blanket of silence fell over his peers.

“What was with that subpar performance?!” Vil demanded. “I expect better out of you potatoes.”

“S-Sorry, Schoenheit-senpai,” a mob student stammered an apology, “but I don’t see what I did wrong? I thought I played the conman flawlessly…”

“And therein lies the issue!” Vil countered, pointing his script at the mob. “You assume because your acting was flawless, you played the character correctly? Nothing could be further from the truth!

“The conman is meant to be highly slimy and suspicious, not inconspicuous. He is overly familiar, talkative, and invasive. I felt none of that from your portrayal. It was too safe and squeaky clean.”

They’re distracted, Fellow realized, a smirk slowly forming. Now’s a good time to lift the jewelry from these brats.

Keeping low to the ground, he slinked out of hiding. Gidel crawled after him, following Fellow’s lead.

A light touch of magic was all it took for a brief levitation spell. It was just st enough to make the trinkets float off of their fingers and wrists and to the ground—he didn’t have enough strength to bring them directly to him. Instead, the duo picked up the pieces, stashing them in their jackets and under their hats.

As Fellow was dropping a silver band with a sizable diamond into his breast pocket, a soft voice from behind met him.

“Those are fake, Fellow Honest-san, Gidel-san.”

“H-HIIIIE!!”

He yelped louder than he had intended to. Gidel’s eyes blew wide in alarm. Suddenly, all the students were staring at them.

The diamond ring tumbled from his fingers and onto the lawn. It landed at the heeled feet of the fearsome director. Vil paused mid-lecture, frowning as he retrieved the prop ring.

“… My, it seems we have uninvited spectators.”

“They must have be curious about the Film Research Club’s work!” Ortho suggested with a giggle. The android hovered over Fellow and Gidel like a specter, his eyes as bright as the blue flames he called hair.

“They appear more like thieves looking for an easy mark to me,” Vil scoffed, handing off the ring to a nearby mob student. He returned his attention to the intruders, both his expression and tone glacial. If looks could kill, Fellow would most certainly be a dead man walking. "Aren't you bold for showing your faces here after what you tried to pull. Ortho, you're far too kind to them."

"Hehe. I wonder if it's fair to call it kindness, Vil Schoenheit-san." Though Ortho's mouth was hidden from view, the way his eyes creased implied he was grinning. There was no innocence in it. "I did point them out to you."

"Hm? Club leader, Ortho-san, you know these guys?" a mob asked. "They friends of yours?"

"Friends? Hah!" Vil's laugh was cold and cruel, like that of a scorned lover. “No, nothing of the sort. We met them some time back, and they gave us… trouble, shall we say. And given that they're sneaking about and pilfering goods, I'd wager they don't have the proper permissions to be on school grounds."

“Huh? You punks givin’ aniki trouble?" a student built like a barn muscled his way to the front of the group. A murmur rolled through the others, some shifting to wall off route of escape. A few stepped forward, as if readying themselves for a brawl. Vil was their queen, and they, the huntsmen at his beck and call.

Fellow paled. Gidel gripped onto his trousers--Fellow could feel his little balled up hands shaking. There were too many of them and not enough of him, nor his magic.

"H-Hold on now!" he protested. "Can't we talk this out?"

His begging fell on deaf ears--until Vil held up a hand. His club members stopped in their tracks.

"You have a minute to explain yourself. If you fail to convince me, we will remove you from our campus. You'll have to go through the typical application and approval process to be allowed in."

"Eeeeh~ So kind of you, Vil Schoenheit-san," Ortho chuckled, echoing the dorm leader's word choice from earlier, "offering them a get-out-of-jail-free card!"

He folded his arms, giving a tight-lipped smirk. "I am not so easy to convince."

We'll see about that! Fellow set his jaw, the grip on his cane tightening. Since this kid already knows about my usual trick, I'll have to wing it with just my charm...!

He mustered up all the strength he could into his smile. "That's where you're wrong, my good sir! It seems you folks have made a grave error."

Vil arched a perfectly groomed eyebrow.

"You've mistaken me and my companion for other people! These... Fellow Honest and Gidel folks," he explained with the wave of his hand. "You see, we are not Fellow Honest and Gidel! We are...!!"

He removed his top hat, tossing it into the air. A shower of glitter and confetti rained down as Fellow and Gidel spun theatrically. He caught his hat on its descent, capping it at a jaunty angle on his head as he posed, leaning back on his cane. Gidel whipped out his oversized hammer, attempting to do the same (but stumbling over an untied shoelace before righting himself).

"Ernesto Foulworth and Gino!"

There was a beat of quiet. That moment felt like forever to Fellow--he could hear his heart thundering in his chest, blood violently churning in his ears.

"... Let's kick their asses," someone declared. Ugly shouts of agreement rang out.

"Bzzzzt!" Ortho formed an X with his arms. "Mission failed, game over! Now it's time for the punishment game."

"Hold on."

At Vil's command, the mob students froze, as if spellbound. Fellow would have been impressed had he not been preoccupied with cowering.

"Oooh! Intervention from the Game Master," Ortho marveled, delight sparking in his voice.

"Schoenheit-senpai? You don't really believe these guys, do you?"

Heheheh, of course he does! This Fellow Honest-sama is a genius at acting!

"... Of course I don't," Vil said (smashing Fellow's self-confidence like a toy he was no longer interested in). "No one with a half decent head on their shoulders would fall for such a clear ploy."

"Th-Then why...?!"

"Because we might have a use for them," Vil replied coolly. He pointed a dagger-like finger at Fellow. "Highly slimy and suspicious... Overly familiar, talkative, and invasive... He's the ideal conman for our production!"

"Hey, you just insulted me three times over!!"

"Now that Vil Schoenheit-san mentions it, it's true. Fellow Honest-san has all of the traits of the conman character in our script. It's a 98.9% match!"

"Of course I’m correct. In fact..." Vil tossed Gidel a glance. "There’s a young but well-meaning henchman in the story as well. Considering the strong off-set dynamic between our two newcomers, it could translate well on-set.”

"Whoa, nice thinking, aniki!"

"This will really make the film stand out."

"Vil-sama always has the best ideas."

"Oi, are you bastards listening to me at all?! And don't make decisions about me without my say-so!!" Fellow cried out indignantly. "You think I'm going to lie here and take you kicking me while I'm still down?!"

"Oh? Should I take your protests as an indication that you would rather be escorted off the premises?" Vil asked. "If so, that could be arranged."

"Why's it that my only options are between that and helpin' out with your crummy flick?!"

"You are the trespasser here. I think that speaks for itself." The Pomefiore dorm leader clapped his hands. "Make your choice quickly, then. We haven't much time."

"You just don't get it, do you?! I don't... I can't...!!"

Because I'm not a star. I was never meant to be one.

He couldn't say it. Couldn't admit it out loud.

Gidel tensed, hugging his guardian's arm. It was a warm, comforting gesture but—

The corners of his eyes burned, frustration knotting his throat. His breaths ran dry, ragged.

"... Fellow Honest-san." Ortho lowered himself to meet him at eye level. He was softer now, sweet—almost like a pixie. “You don’t need to worry. Vil Schoenheit-san is a great coach. He can teach you many valuable lessons.”

“He… can?” He sounded small, doubtful.

“Yes! I’m a product of his teachings,” Ortho chirped. “He taught me that if you don’t try at all, there’s a 0% chance you’ll succeed. But try anything and it’s possible for even a 0.01% to become 100%.” The android exchanged a proud look with Vil. “Heheh~”

“Heh,” Fellow scoffed. “Optimistic of ya, kid. Real optimistic. Not sure if I buy it though."

“… Do you doubt my skills? Or is it yourself you don’t trust?” Vil snipped back. "This, coming from the same man who claimed that anyone can become a star?"

"That was obviously a lie!"

“Perhaps the meaning behind it was—but I trust that your feelings weren’t.” The steel in Vil’s voice softened. “I am a skilled actor. It is simple for me to discern when others are putting on a show—but I know… you weren’t acting back then. The excitement and reverence you held for the stage was very much real.”

“…!!” Gidel suddenly leapt, standing up on the balls of his feet. He yoinked Fellow like the man was a tooth that needed to be pulled out.

“Whoa, Giddie! What’s gotten into ya?”

The young boy shot him a pleading look. Then he tugged again. Understanding set in.

“You want me to join,” Fellow whispered.

Gidel nodded firmly. His cheeks puffed with determination, and he returned to pulling.

Listen to them. Give your dreams another shot! he silently screamed. In his eyes, a hopeful sparkle.

A memory erupted in sharp colors and sounds. Him, indicating the stage as its lights kicked on, velvet curtains pulling back. The visitors, their breaths held in anticipation.

"On this shining stage... anyone—yes, even YOU—can be a star!" he had bellowed. Bright-eyed, heart racing. Eager for the next performance, full of dance and song, jubilance and freedom.

Where had that version of himself gone?

A visceral longing twisted in his gut. Admidst that fog of pain, a rebellious thought rose up.

That’s right. I want to be a star too. With all my heart, I want to be a star…!

Fellow choked out a shaky laugh. “… Yeah. Yeah, alright. What the hell, count us in.”

“Hmph, that’s the spirit.” Vil turned to his club members. “There you have it. We’ll resume with the production after a 10 minute break. Ortho, see to it that they are fitted and ready for filming.”

“Roger!”

Vil clapped once more, and the courtyard was set into a whirlwind of motion, students peeling off in different directions. Ortho floated over to Fellow and Gidel with a warm smile.

“Welcome aboard the Film Research Club! Please come this way for a full-body scan. I will be taking your measurements to ensure that the costumes are laser-cut to your figures!”

“You don’t have to tell us twice. Let’s go, Giddie!”

“!!”

[sporadicthingcollection]

Paint Job (Buggy the Clown x F!Reader)

Summary: In which Buggy indulges his two favorite hobbies: doing your makeup and driving you crazy. Pairing: Buggy the Clown x F!Reader Rating: General. Word Count: ~1k. Warnings: Pregnancy. A/N: my birthday was yesterday so i wrote this for myself

Your belly button popped out. He had no idea until you stripped your clothes off for a nap and fell asleep cradled in that dumb pregnancy pillow you use instead of cuddling with him.

He squints at it. It looks funny. Round. Sticks out. Kinda like...

...hmm.

The intrusive thought hits him like a fish jumping out of the water and into a boat.

You'd look so cute and he'd get to show off his artistic talent. Not to mention that everyone would know whose baby is in your belly. Not that there's any doubt, of course, but he has to mark his territory somehow and he suspects that you wouldn't appreciate being peed on.

(The obvious answer of putting some jewelry on those naked ring fingers of yours has occurred to him many times, but that thought is somehow scarier than fatherhood. So he ignores it.)

Grabbing his bag of tricks from the vanity, he tiptoes to the bed. He sets himself down slowly, gently, carefully. The bed squeaks as he eases his weight onto it, but you don't stir.

He works quickly. First some white greasepaint, squeezed onto his wrist and dabbed onto your belly with a makeup sponge. Follow that with a bit of black paint, applied with a careful stroke of the brush. Then pigment sticks for the detail work and outlines...

The baby seems to enjoy it. It occasionally moves in response to his touch. Nothing herky jerky -- just little shifts and nudges. Makes his heart melt. He can't wait to meet the little rugrat.

And now the piece de résistance, a dab of red right on the mound of your navel.

Et voilà. Perfection.

He leans back to marvel at his artistry as he wipes the extra makeup from his hand. In another life, he'd have made a damn good painter. Hell, maybe he should invest in some acrylics and canvas. Start a money laundering scheme.

Buggy notices that your eyes are open. Two little windows into a warm, dark abyss. The same color as falling asleep in a cozy bed on a cold, dark night.

“Having fun?” you ask.

“Tons,” he says coolly. “How was the snooze?”

“Great, ‘til your kid started tap dancing on my bladder.” You lean back on your elbows as you stretch your legs out, splaying your toes out like Richie does after he wakes up from a nap. Your belly rests on your thighs now. Try as you might, you can't see over the top. “What were you doing?”

He hops off the bed and offers you his arm, easing you to your feet. He guides you to his vanity with a hand on your waist. Your gait has gained a wobble and, while he's never seen anything hotter, being on a constantly rocking ship makes him nervous.

Your eyes go wide when you see his Jolly Roger painted across your stomach, your belly button forming the nose. You twist this way and that, your smile growing with each shift.

He rests his head against yours. “So everyone knows just who put you up the pole,” he murmurs.

“As if there's any question with how handsy you are,” you snort. You turn that warm smile to him. “Love it, Bugs.”

He didn't think you'd be upset, not really, but hearing you happy eases his nerves greatly. “I decided to take an impressionist approach,” he says. “You can tell from the brush strokes and my liberal use of white.”

You were right, that night you first spent together: you laugh like a gaggle of News Coos. Clattery, loud, inelegant. It's his third favorite sound in the world. The second is that snort you make when you're trying not to laugh, and the first is... Well, his pursuit of that sound is what led to your current condition.

He pushes the gag a little further. “Made it during my Alabastan Period, where I was influenced by--” You push your lips against his. He keeps talking, just to annoy you. “--traditional geometric patterns of nomadic--”

You grab his cheeks and shove your tongue in his mouth. Once he's runs out of breath, you pull away with a big red splotch across your smile. “Shut up,” you say.

“Never.” He moves behind you. He pops his hands off to lace his fingers underneath your belly as he drapes his arms around your shoulders. "How's that?"

You sigh in relief as the weight is lifted off your organs, your spine, everything. "Fucking hell, thank you," you breathe.

He makes a mental note to thank the old ex-con who told him the trick. Surefire way to make your old lady love you forever, she'd said, grinning at her husband. How else you think I ended up with having six kids with this knucklehead?

The thought of six little humans running around fills him with dread... but at the same time, everyone loves a family act. Matching threads for everyone, him in his best and you all dolled up like a work of art. Suits for the boys and little tutus for the girls.

Six little faces looking up at him in adoration, six little creatures to do his bidding, six little people guaranteed to worship the ground he walks on...

You snap your fingers in front of him. "Hey. Clown."

That's enough to bring him back to earth. He hopes to every god that will listen that it's just one in there. "Just distracted by your beauty," he says.

You give him a dry look. "Liar."

"Alright, ya got me. I was thinking about your tits." Buggy rests his chin in the crook of your neck. “How much longer?”

You reach up to pat his cheek. “Couple months.”

He groans. “But I wanna meet Buggy Junior noooow-wuh,” he whines.

Your smile vanishes. “Over my dead body you name my kid that.”

“Why not? It's a great name. Buggy Balthazar Zebulon Xerxes Mixolydian Macadamia--” You pinch his lips shut with your fingers, but he keeps talking. “--Jeremiah Jubilee--”

You turn and shove your tongue in his mouth again. He shuts up for good this time.

---

To the "Curious Courtship" Masterpost | To the Mastahpost | Tip Jar

[miracleonice87]

the camp letter

a/n: the requested note (which turned into more of a letter — I’m a writer, what did you expect?) written by Mrs. Kelce, from “new heights, new news, new baby.” enjoy!

___

“NHL tournament kicks off in my room in ten, big fella!” Isiah Pacheco called through the door after a few raps of his knuckle.

Travis smiled to himself, pushing his now-empty unpacked duffle into the dorm closet and clucking his tongue.

“You know I ain’t missin’ that, son!” Travis assured. “Be right there.”

As Isiah’s footsteps retreated down the hall, Travis grabbed the last piece of luggage on his bed, his toiletry kit, and walked it into the bathroom to hang up. Upon opening the flap, a piece of white notebook paper fell to the counter, folded so only the top of the page was visible.

Open when you get to camp! it read in your unmistakable penmanship. With an enamored grin, Travis quickly lifted and unfolded the page.

87,

the salutation read.

At that simple greeting, his throat tightened with emotion.

Oh boy… he was in for it.

He wandered to take a seat on the bed as he continued.

With another Super Bowl celebration summer coming to a close, another season is now on the horizon and it just might be the most special one yet.

I remember the first time you invited me to Chiefs camp when we had just started dating, watching all your teammates’ kids run to them after practice, watching them chase after footballs, watching their dads throw them up in the air and tote them around so proudly, and I remember thinking, “I hope that’s gonna be Travis someday with our own kids.” Sure, that happened just a little sooner than we planned, but with each day that passes, I only grow more excited to share this with you, and to make those football-centric memories with our little one, and hopefully more little ones to come.

I can’t wait to hold our baby in the stands and explain to them what you do for a living, Trav. I can’t wait to see how excited they get waiting for you on the sideline for a pregame kiss, then watching you ball out. I can’t wait to watch them meet you in the tunnel or the suite after a game, win or lose, and love on you like I do. I can’t wait to see them run around Arrowhead with Sterling and Bronze, and, as much as possible, take them to games with Wy, Ell, and Benny, watching them spend time together and clap for their daddies.

When I close my eyes, I can so vividly see another Super Bowl win, finding you in the midst of another red and gold confetti snowglobe, but this time, with our kid in my arms. I can envision you on the podium with Coach Reid and Patrick, a Lombardi in one arm and a baby in the other. And as much as I already miss you, despite you still being just a couple of rooms away as I write this, we both know that camp is the first step toward making that happen.

We are so lucky to get to do this at all, Trav, but I feel impossibly lucky to get to do this with you. Thank you for being the man that you are – I can’t tell you how much I admire your drive, your passion, your work ethic. You are the best teammate, captain, leader, friend, husband, brother, son, and daddy-to-be that I’ve ever known, and I know you’ll instill your best qualities in our little one.

I love you so fucking bad, Travis Michael. Have fun, be safe… go be great. See you soon.

XO

Silent tears were dripping down Travis’s cheeks and nose as he finished the letter, a fond smile permanent on his lips. God, he was the lucky one, to get to be able to play this silly game he loved so much with your full support backing him. And the thought of you and your baby cheering him on, together, in just a few more months… man, that made him actually giddy, despite the tears he was still trying to get under control.

A moment later, the only person who would ever push open the door to his room unannounced did just that — his quarterback and best friend entered with a casual “you comin’ to play Chel, you hockey freak?” before his eyes actually landed on Travis. Patrick was fearful for just a moment, seeing his friend so emotional, then the tight end met his gaze and held up the piece of notebook paper covered in your neat writing.

Travis cleared his throat and announced, “Letter from home. Got me.”

Patrick smiled, taking a few steps toward him to squeeze his shoulder.

“I gotchu,” he said understandingly. “All good, though?”

Travis nodded emphatically, beaming even as he wiped his watery eyes with the flesh of his thumb.

“So good,” he assured the fellow dad.

Patrick nodded, too, and pawed Travis’s arm affectionately.

“Glad to hear it. Take all the time you need, man,” he directed. “I’ll go take the first round with the hooligans.”

Travis giggled and reached to dap up Patrick, the quarterback giving him a warm hug.

“Thanks, brother,” he said softly.

As Patrick left the room, Travis gave the letter one last brief read, then pulled out his phone, screen lighting up to display his lock background — you from the back in an 87 jacket after this most recent Super Bowl, being hoisted in his arms the very moment you found each other on the field. Smirking proudly at the memory, he unlocked the phone and opened his text thread with you.

Just read your letter, you sneaky lil thing, he tapped. My god, you know how to make a 6’5” NFLer weep like a baby! Thank you for writing it, sweetness. I love you so much. Less than four days now until I hug you and baby Kelce again 😍🤰🏻 Tell Mama I said hi and I love her! Call you later 😘

With that, he hit send, took a deep breath, tucked the letter into an empty drawer for safekeeping, and headed toward Isiah’s room — which was already echoing with his teammates’ raucous cheers and jeers — all while wondering what the hell he ever did to deserve a life so damn sweet.

[chaifootsteps]

As a fan of TADC, I am so glad Goose is just sticking with her gut and not having any romance be canon within her show. Seeing how Vivziepop let her fans and her employees get the better of her (not entirely their fault, she didn't have to give in), I rather have my fanon fun than have my ship be the sole reason TADC fell off.

I think Goose is a real one for going "I don't really care for ships, but have your fun. I can like some arts of ship-related content but remember, just because I like it doesn't mean it's gonna be canon" rather than going "HAHA YES! Let's scrap my original plans for my series to have Jax and Caine have a toxic melodramatic relationship that takes up over 90% of my series. Forget developing my other female characters, I need my yaoi boys to f***".

And this is coming from someone who ships a couple of the characters together (ex: ButtonBlossom and Bunnydoll being prime examples). But like what I said before, I'd rather have them never be canon and get a good story than have those ships ruin a series with a great storyline. So, yet again, another Gooseworx W.

Another key thing Goose did right? Actually plotted her story out ahead of time. She didn't start to write Jax as the least redeemable character on the show, admit to this, then spot a piece of fanart she liked and pivot to insist he's just pining for Pomni and that nothing he's ever done has been wrong.

[lohotine]

Hello, it's me again (so soon, hehe). Sorry if it feels like I'm asking for things so much.

I have a fun request: Shadow Milk Cookie x Reader as Romeo and Juliet. I desire the juiciest star-crossed lovers angst you can make!

AN: I have only read a quick summary of Romeo and Juliet along with bits and pieces of the balcony scene so forgive me if this is inaccurate-

Um but yeah, I took some creative liberties

Shadow Milk x Reader

Oneshot

Warnings: Angst

-Frayed String-

The rough surface of the stone beneath your fingertips is the only thing keeping your mind stable and down to Earth, if the state you're in can even be considered stable.

You are being held together by only a single thread, and every moment you aren't with your lover you can feel a slice of your sanity being discarded.

You curl your fingers into a fist, the coarseness of the stone wall leaving indents in your digits.

You gaze softly to the shimering stars above. The light coming off of them are the only things making your eyes seem alive.

You cannot say that it hurts, because compared to how your heart has been ripped open, this is nothing.

Even if they were to start bleeding, would it even feel like anything compared to aching in your heart?

As you sit there silently, you wonder if Shadow Milk can see the same stars. You wonder if he is thinking of you now as you are thinking of him.

It was such a shame that your parents hated him. If they didn't then you would have married him on the spot.

That day, you practically ripped open your chest to give him your heart. To show him how it beat for him. How you lived for him.

Yet, your parents wanted you to be wed to someone else.

But that someone else wasn't Shadow Milk, and so there was no way your heart could continue to beat after that.

Fate really has played such a cruel joke on the two of you.

Since your family hated him so, to marry him would be like murdering him. Though, to not marry him would be like murdering yourself.

What decision should be made when putting your life on the line against the person giving you life.

Either way, someone would surely die in the end.

"If only you could change your name," you say to yourself. It was just one of those mindless rambles that you often did. You didn't at all expect someone to respond.

"If you call me your lover then I'd gladly change my name," a voice responded.

No more words needed to be spoken for you to recognize exactly who it was.

"Shadow Milk, what are you doing here?!" You'd ask in a hushed yell.

"My dove, I just missed you!" He faded into shadows before reappearing right besides you.

He took your hand in his while also cupping your face. "Your beauty makes even the moon look dull, my dear," He'd say.

Oh how his words made your heart flutter. If it weren't so dark, you're sure he'd see the blush spreading across your face.

"You really shouldn't be here," you told him. Though you could not deny how much you relished in his presence. Every little touch he gave you made you feel as if the world around you was spinning.

"I couldn't help it." He left a soft kiss on your lips, letting it linger for just a while before pulling away.

And so for a moment, the two of you were quiet. Just staring into each other's eyes, exchanging a thousand words that couldn't have been spoken aloud.

Then one of the servants called from outside of your room, and you were quick to speak your farewells.

"Ah, sorry Milk- You have to leave now," you said in a quiet voice.

He only gazed into your eyes while twirling a peice of your hair.

"I'm being serious-" the knock on your door would continue. "Just a minute!" You called out to the servant.

"I love you oh so much.." he said to you before disappearing to someplace else.

All that remained was that leftover warmth of his body and the lingering feeling of longing in your heart.

And now, it seemed as if the world fell silent.

How pitiful it was that the two of you were connected via a frayed string. A connection so frail that it would be worn down by even the air around you.

Oh how his words tormented you. How were you meant to be alright with letting him go when every moment you spent together made you fall so much more in love.

You just wanted to scream out your love for him on the balcony, but that would put both him and you in great danger.

But, what exactly were you supposed to do?

Were you to make him the most happy man in the world by marrying him then letting your family kill him?

Or were you to marry someone else and murder yourself by depriving your heart of the one thing it yearns for?

[scarletttries]

How Succession Characters would react to getting you pregnant...

Pairings: Kendall Roy x Reader, Roman Roy x Reader, Tom Wambsgans x Reader, Greg Hirsch x Reader, Lucas Mattson x Reader, Stewy Hosseini x Reader

Author's note: Thank you for this fun request! Here is a little bit of thoughts on how a bunch of the Succession characters would react to finding out their partner (the reader) is pregnant ☺️

Kendall Roy

This man has had the importance of succession literally bred into him. His struggles with infertility and trying to be the kind of father he wishes he could be have taken a toll on poor Kendall, making him feel like he'll never have the family he's always wished for. That starts to ease when the two of you get together, slowly coming around to the idea that maybe he doesn't need anything else as long as he has you. But when your period is late, expect Kendall to notice, always keeping track of your body in the back of his mind in a way he just can't help but obsess over. He daren't say anything, certain that in the next week it will turn out to be nothing, his body once again failing to deliver him what he craves so much.

A few days later when you bring him lunch at the office he's all but pushed that hopeful thought out of his head until you present him a carefully wrapped box, inside of which sit a dozen positive pregnancy tests. He's in complete disbelief at first, eyes welling up and repeatedly asking if you're sure, and more uncomfortably for him, if it's definitely his. Once you've suitably convinced him of both of those facts, you'll get full, smiling, happy Kendall, scooping you into his arms and telling you exactly how 'fucking excited he is' loud enough that by 2pm that day everyone in the Waystar office has heard the news.

While you're pregnant Kendall can't stop telling everyone that the two of you are expecting, overflowing with pride and joy and love for your growing family. He's the kind of person to fly in the best midwife/doula/doctor in the world to make sure everything goes exactly to plan, making sure you don't have to lift a finger for the whole nine months. He'd also be an absolute menace for not being able to keep his hands off you, the way you glow as you start showing driving his little brain insane, wanting more than anything to just put baby after baby inside you.

Finally when the baby comes expect Kendall to be there. Yes he'll have a few wobbles and won't be perfect, the reality of his experience of fatherhood making him doubt he'll do anything good enough for this baby, but every time he sees the two of you, he knows he needs to step up and do whatever it takes for his little family, now that he finally has what he's been dreaming of.

Roman Roy

It's taken a long time for Roman just to get comfortable being intimate with you, a slow but not unpleasant journey that the two of you have been on since he first fell embarrassingly hard for you while working at Waystar. Given the months of longing looks and lingering touches it took to get to your first kiss, you never really thought about needing to use protection with Roman, until one particularly special night he finally wanted to try 'the whole thing' with you, surprised and delighted at how perfect it felt take make love to someone he truly cared for, allowing himself to be vulnerable in every way with you. As if wanting to make up for lost time, that night would lead to a real Honeymoon phase of Roman not being able to keep his hands off you, desperate to feel that incredible connection again and again.

You can hardly feel too surprised as the nurse confirms your suspicion, a follow up appointment made and a heavy piece of news on your shoulders as you ride silently in the town-car back to yours and Roman's home. He's his usual ball of emphatic energy as you step through the door, bounding up to you before stopping in his tracks at the clear weight on your chest. The words spill out before you can overthink it, watching carefully as you watch him process it all, slinking down to the floor and sitting cross-legged in silence as he contemplates. Roman had never planned to have a child, not ever expecting to find someone like you to share his life with, and he didn't exactly have the best relationship with the concept of fatherhood, a chill running down his spine at the thought of Logan ever laying a hand on his kid. Then a realisation began to calm him; that he was nothing like his father. And while he wouldn't be perfect, his immature brain sure to make mistakes along the way, he knew he would always make his child feel safe, something he wished someone had done for him all those years ago. So then he'd smile, and pull you down to the floor with him, and laugh his teary-eyed hyena laugh, and wrap you in his arms, protecting all three of you for the next chapter of your lives.

It's safe to say his family would be extremely surprised by the announcement, particularly Logan, who'd rejoice in a way that made Roman feel even more sure that he'd never be that kind of cruel, manipulative father that only wanted his children for what they could do for him. Throughout the pregnancy Roman would be up and down, jubilant and terrified, proud and ashamed, the whole thing trudging up more than its fair share of childhood trauma. But when it comes down to it, he'll be there to step up, immediately swearing to do whatever it takes to make sure your little one never feels the way he spent his life feeling.

Tom Wambsgans

Despite all the venom and acid that burned him in his first marriage (this one's for you team Tomshiv divorce), Tom is peak fatherhood material. You only have to look at the intensely caring way he talks about Mondale, the bizarre energy he's put into raising Greg, and of course, his absolute undying affections for you, to know this man would coddle a child like no one's business. You wouldn't even be scared to tell him, the news unplanned but certainly not unpleasant, the way this man fucks like a freight train clearly no match for the average condom.

You'd make an event of it, ordering balloons and cake and flowers to your shared duplex, so when he got home to a sea of congratulations there would be no doubt. A midwest man through and through, if you weren't already married he'd buy you a ring the very next day, the floods of happy tears stopping long enough to let him pick a perfect diamond. He'd spend half the week on the phone telling everyone he knows, so excited to grow your little family, and be the kind of man he'd been raised to be. He's definitely type to read an unhelpful number of articles to make sure he's doing everything he can 'to serve you and your growing child during this strenuous time', calling his mother to fly across the states to help out as you get closer to your due date. This man already has a short-list of the best preschools in New York by the time your bundle of joy comes in the world, ready to be a present father and husband, even if it means for once his career has to take a backseat.

Greg Hirsch

You had worked very very hard to make it crystal clear to Greg that whatever happened between the two of you was strictly on a casual basis, not wanting to get drawn into his complex family dynamics, or end up the centre of ATN news story. Despite his clear infatuation he had agreed, following every boundary and rule you set out to the best of his slightly clueless abilities. So when you triple checked the calendar and realised what had happened, you couldn't help but lock yourself in the Waystar women's bathroom and scream enough curses to make Kendall Roy blush. After deciding this was something you wanted, you'd finally let Greg buy you dinner, surprised by the calibre of restaurant he picked for what was really just a first date.

When you tell him the news, and make it clear you don't expect anything from him, you'd be pleasantly surprised by how loudly and excitedly he proclaims "that he loves kids!" earning a few uncomfortable looks from the tables around you. He'd be stressed and feel unprepared for sure, but he wanted more of a relationship with you and this was going to put that on the cards for him, plus he'd always wanted a family of his own so he couldn't wait to tell 'Uncle Tom and Great Grandpa Ewen' the news.

Realistically he'd be quite a useless partner, buying you your favourite sushi without realising you can't have it, and wanting to throw a party in your favourite bar to celebrate, forgetting you can't drink, but the thought would always be there. And if you need anything done, he's ready and waiting, even if he needs the clearest possible instructions and will end up having to call you for more information anyway. No matter how much trouble it gets him in with work/Tom he'd be at every appointment, proud to have a reason to pull himself together and excited to be a grown up, if it means being one by your side. Once you have your baby, he'd 100% bring them into the office, showing them around Waystar and being shocked at anyone implying its not appropriate to bring your baby to work, having Tom back him that it's important for all the Roy family to be there together.

Stewy Hosseini

Coming from the happiest family in the Succession universe, Stewy's often thought about having a family of his own, but his lifestyle of late nights and kissing boys on Molly means it's not something that he's ever really applied himself to pursuing. So when the two of you start dating he takes it seriously; he can tell he could have a real future with you, the type of warm, intelligent, kind person he's always wanted to find and settle down with. It wouldn't be long until you were introduced to his parents, watching over his nieces and nephews together and giving Stewy no choice but to pray you'll be the mother of his children. He'd want to go through the traditional order of things, getting married and building a home together before you started to grow your family, but when a happy night of too much rose in the hot tub on his balcony leads to a positive pregnancy test, he'd be absolutely elated. He'd call in every favour he was owed across the city to get your dream wedding together within a month, dragging you round viewings of townhouses with little gardens he immediately describes as 'perfect for the little one.'

Stewy would still respect your independence though, making his hopes and preferences known, but ultimately letting you call all the shots, just a helping hand and credit card to make whatever you're dreaming of come true. He's less protective than some of the others, but only because he knows you're tough as nails now and always, not wanting you to feels smothered and wrapped in bubble-wrap, still making sweet plans for just the two of you before and after the baby comes. Stewy would be such a happy and excited father, truly just a joy to be around.

Lukas Mattson (warning: darker themes, reader discretion advised)

Even just being seduced by Mattson would feel a little bit unsettling; uncertain of exactly how much of what he said he really meant, and what was all just charm and bravado that seemed to effortlessly ooze out of him. So when he insists that you don't need protection, or says he'll pull out but always does it a moment too late, you don't realise what he's up to until it's too late. You see from the moment Lucas met you, he knew you had to be his, and the easiest way to tie your lives together forever is to get you pregnant.

He'd pretend to be shocked by the news, like he hadn't worked night and day to baby-trap you, asking you sincerely if you want to keep it, and telling you you'd want for absolutely nothing if you just let him look after the two of you. He says it so sweetly, so sincerely, hovering his shaking hand just shy of your stomach and looking down at you with nothing but awestruck affection in his eyes that you can't help but fall for him, this image of devotion exactly what you want for your future. And as you say you want to keep it, and have your family with him, he'll fall to his knees and tear up, his whole life feeling like it lead to this moment, a child to make the best future he can for.

He'll throw himself into his work for a lot of your pregnancy, a new perspective on his work with AI, tinkering with the latest baby tech to make sure you two have everything you could possibly want to help you with this stage of your lives. You'll grow slightly more used to his intensity as he points it in a helpful direction, worshipping the ground you walk on and trying desperately to make everything as good as it can be for your little family.

[callmewrinkles3]

Nothing new - DR3 x Fem!OC

Masterlist

Summary: Some decisions are difficult and bittersweet to make. During rocky times, sadness can be an unwise advisor, but with friends and family around, taking those decisions becomes easier.

Warnings: Fluff. Angst. Sex talk. Pregnancy talk. Mentions of mental health issues, pregnancy loss, injuries and past crashes -we don’t like you, Zandvoort 23- and past abusive family. McLaren being mentioned too, sorry.

Words: 16.2k

A/N: HELLO AGAIN. After a little post this morning we’re finally back with our long-as-hell-oneshot regular schedule. Let’s forget about what happened in Zandvoort for our own mental health 😌 Hope you like this mess of a oneshot, hope you are all well and promise we’re gonna post soon. See you around, kiddos.🫶🏻

June 2024.

If Em had to put a date on it, she'd say it started during Monaco weekend. But in her heart and soul she knew it was before then. It started with the realization that she didn't want to return to work. She wanted to just be Lulu's mum and Dan's wife and do it properly. She couldn't do both that and get back to work as Dan's assistant and do it right.

She simply didn't want to run around people anymore. She didn't want to squeeze through the paddock and the pit lane to organise things and get Dan on track. She was there anyway because she was Dan's wife. She was always going to support him. But now she had a chance to do it because she chose to, not because she had to.

It started while she was standing in the garage after FP3 in Monaco while she watched the sponsors looking at their brands neatly printed on the car. She understood people's passion for cars even though she didn't share them. However, she was disgusted by the men in suits who were only there to be there and take photos. That was the day she admitted she didn't want to go back to work and deal with them.

Em knew it all started with McLaren. She could make a ridiculously long list of the things the orange team took from her and her family. Her and Dan's physical and mental well-being was at the top of the list. A close second was her trust in people when she finally learned how to. She'd begun to make friends and trust and open up to people, but it was ripped away so suddenly it left a brand new wound that she was still trying to heal.

The other major thing they ruined was how much she adored her job. And if she was brutally honest with herself in therapy with Mildred she could admit it hurt the most. She loved her job. At the beginning when Dan told her she was getting paid it felt weird. Being paid by the man she was sleeping with and who she loved? It was strange. But she loved the job and the work she did. It gave Em a reason to be in the paddock and spend time with her boys. Working by Blake's side every day made her happy. She had a reason to spend basically every day with her best friend. Even when they joked they were sick of each other, Blake would give her a hug and swear he couldn't do it without her.

She used to find joy in planning their trips and booking places for dinners. It was fun to colour code schedules so they could tell at a glance what could be moved if needed. She liked running around the paddock with her pit access badge around her neck, her tablet in her arms, and her boys by her side. While she hated the spotlight and the whispered comments about her, at least at Renault she could deal with it. She had to deal with it and learned how by the time they arrived at McLaren.

When their bags became orange and Dan’s half of the wardrobe was filled with the colour it became a constant struggle. Work was a battle for her to be heard and listened to and able to get her point across, and then thanks to the poisonous atmosphere it affected her home life. And then it all fell apart.

McLaren broke them and it took a miracle to get them back together. Love gave them the patience to work on themselves and their relationship. They put the pieces back together once at a time, gluing them into place until they could hold. But even then something inside Em just felt dead.

Something in her had broken, and Dan couldn't help her fix it like he’d helped with everything else. She couldn’t even admit it until now. Back then she thought it was everything she’d lost in such a short space of time - Dan, their relationship, their home and her family. Then she blamed the miscarriage. She blamed her parents and everything they said and did. She also blamed Michael because he made everything more difficult even though she knew she shouldn’t.

There were times when she didn’t feel that broken part inside. She had her Danny, their family, and rebuilt their home together. She had his ring on her finger and their little wedding to promise they loved each other and then their big one to tell the world. They had their sunshine girl and there was nothing that could have prepared Em for the love she had for her baby Luna. But that broken love for her job never came back.

She wasn’t in a position to work when she got back to Dan’s side. She couldn’t think straight at the time, so it was ridiculous to consider working. She knew Blake and Dan agreed and said yes when she said she wanted to return. She knew it was their attempt to distract her from the mess of their lives, but it never happened, at least not in full capacity. Looking back, Em was aware it was all a terrible need to feel like things were normal in some way. It was her way to feel like she didn’t blow out her whole life for not having the courage to stand up to Dan and all her fears and ghosts. 

If she could barely gather the strength to make it to the paddock as Dan’s girlfriend, she wouldn't have the strength to work like she used to. The only thing that kept her going were Dan and Blake. She also knew she could stay hidden away from the world when she wasn't in the garage. Strength temporarily returned when McLaren decided to fight against Dan. She could barely keep herself standing, but she lifted and carried Dan, putting herself together as well as possible to keep him moving. Dan had been doing that for her for months, so she had to do it for him. 

The one last time the strength to work came back was when she had to walk into the MTC and face McLaren and the people she despised. She had to fight for the man she loved. She got there fought them and won, but all the energy was drained after that. It was a brief period and then her pieces started falling apart again. 

As the months passed the attention never turned back to that. She hated herself for leaving Blake on his own when he had too much on his plate, but she needed to focus on herself and Dan. She needed to hug him, kiss his cheeks and remind him that it was only a matter of time until they could be home for a year. In some months they would burn everything that was orange and had the name McLaren on it. It was a matter of time, then they could figure out what they were doing next. 

Em thought she could do it. She could keep it together for what was left of the year, but then she had to break her hand. Then everything was a constant battle with Michael, the criticism about her husband wouldn’t stop no matter what he did, and on top of that they faced her parents. By the end of the year Em could barely leave the bed, and any work-related matter was long forgotten inside one of her suitcases. 

Blake insisted she didn't have to return to action any time soon. Summer break was supposed to be used to disconnect and that's what Em and Dan needed to do. They could think about it later in the year, but in the meantime, they deserved some time off to heal, plan their wedding and be with their family. Blake had the same plan and after spending some time with Em and Dan in Perth, he was gonna fly home for the holidays to be with his family, but Charlie happened. He wasn’t expecting to meet and fall in love with a gorgeous, brilliant woman who was head over heels in love with him too. When it happened everyone was happy that it did. If someone deserved love and happiness that was Blake, so it was wonderful to see it come true. 

The idea of working became even less appealing to Em. Seeing her husband smiling again at a car launch was a sign she hadn’t seen in a while. The sight of Dan actually having fun again doing press and sponsor work was something Em thought was long gone. Even seeing Blake smiling so bright and big while looking at his phone made Em forget how terrible the previous year was for them.

That's how months passed and with them the incredibly excited news about their pregnancy. Then came their wedding, Scotty and Chloe’s wedding and Dan testing for Red Bull. Everything happened so suddenly that Em had to keep her focus on her Danny and that's what she did. By then, Em was in some meetings, but she was mostly on the side, holding Dan’s hand and promising everything would be alright. After all the difficult things they faced through it had to be alright for him and his career.

Dan breaking his hand wasn’t on her bingo card that year, making it all messy and complicated. He was finally in a car and had to step to the side before he could even taste it. Em never thought that at seven months pregnant she would be holding her husband’s good hand as he lay on a hospital bed ready for a multiple fracture surgery. She never thought she would have to sit there promising her husband everything would be alright while she was fighting one of their former friends for talking about Dan’s injury to the press. The last thing any of them needed was Michael sneaking into their business. Em was already nervous enough and it wasn't good for her pregnancy. 

Em hated to say it, but the accident was part disgrace and part blessing. Thanks to it they got more time off, allowing them to return to Perth for some extra days. They had the chance to be with their family for Grace’s birthday, Blake got to spend some extra days with Charlie, and they knew more than anyone how they needed to cherish extra time with their loved ones. Dan and Em even had some time to slowly putting something together at Lulu’s nursery in the farm, so something good came out of it. 

As months passed by, things got crazier with organizing their lives and Dan returning back to racing, but nothing ever got as crazy as when Lulu finally arrived. Their whole universe changed, their world shifted and nothing really mattered after that. 

There was a lot of mess in their lives, but they were happy and for the first time, things seemed to be going their way. Maybe that is why Em found it so difficult to think about finishing her maternity leave at the time. It was agreed that Em would take a few months off and then we would see how things were going and how she felt at that time. She was thankful to be able to spend as much time as possible with her newborn baby. She was grateful for the opportunity to spend this time with her family, and she made the most of it. That's why Em decided it was best for her to stay off work.

Not only was Dan too busy, but Lulu was so tiny. If Em was working Lulu would be right there with them in the paddock and Charlie was gonna be looking after her, but Em just couldn’t. It wasn’t about Charlie. She was like Lulu’s second mum. They knew Charlie and Blake would always love her and protect her, that's why they were her godparents. It wasn’t them, but Em not willing to take her attention from her daughter. She really wanted to be with Lulu and spend time with her. In one of her therapy sessions, Mildred told Emma it was perfectly normal and understandable. Being a first time mom, considering all the things that have happened to them and how much they wanted to have a baby, it was logical that given the option Em would want to be there with their daughter all the time. Em wanted to take that chance. Dan always reminded her how privileged and lucky they have a good life not worrying about a lot of things. For once she was gonna pay attention to her husband and enjoy doing nothing except looking after her family. Em finally had the life and family she never thought she would have and wanted to enjoy them. 

Admitting it to herself was one of the most difficult things Em had to do in a long time. She felt that she had no reason not to work. There were two voices in her head: one was her mother's voice telling her to stay at home and not work because that was what a woman should do and the other was her own feelings of regret about not working. She had no idea what it was like not to work. Emma has worked non stop since she was seventeen and had to take care of herself. Having a baby was no excuse because there were all those other mums out there having their kids, doing their jobs, and running their homes. Not loving her job anymore shouldn’t be an excuse. 

As Mildred told her, being with her family was a strong reason. Not wanting to compromise her mental health was comprehensible. Not wanting to do it was a perfectly fine reason too, but if Emma needed something stronger, then her family was good enough. The main reason why Emma started working with Dan was to help him and Blake, so now she could keep helping as a wife and a friend instead of as an assistant. Priorities shifted and hers changed. Her priority was her family and it was perfect. 

Before she took any decisions Emma decided she needed to talk to Blake and then to Dan. Even when back in the day Dan was the one paying her salary and technically her boss, Blake was the one who worked side-by-side with Em. For the world Blake was Em’s boss, but they worked together to make things run as smoothly as possible. After all the messes she made she wanted to talk to him before making any decision, especially if it included him.

“If technically I didn't want to work again, what would happen?” Em asked Blake once they were alone for more than two minutes. Charlie was napping, Dan was out on a short walk with Lulu and Steve, so it was only her and Blake as she worked on dinner.

“Nothing. I mean, I miss working with you, but that doesn’t mean I can’t ask you to double check one small thing for me cause you are going to be right there sitting in front of me.” Blake shurgged as he drank his coffee.

“Really? You won’t be mad at me? And how many cups did you have today, B?”

“Emma Charlotte Ricciardo, I swear to God. Really? Ain’t we way past that? You know I won't get mad at you. And don't ask me such thing as how much coffee I had.” He smiled, knowing the answer was probably too many cups. Between work, a wedding being planned on the other side of the world, and helping care for his baby niece Blake was tired, but he was a happy man.

“Fine. But about the other thing, I just wanna know, alright?"

“Timmy, I’ve been waiting for you to say the word for months. I knew you weren’t coming back for some time now, and if I'm honest I’m happy you are not. It means you’ve got something way better going on. You’re too good for all this mess, Em. You’re seriously too damn good for this weird circus."

Em smiled shyly as she looked at the water starting to boil in front of them. She really had something good going on in her life. She really had an excellent reason not to go back. The fact that Blake agree was a big relief. It was a big weight off her shoulders. “I wanted to. I really did. Working with you again would be so good. But I… They need me, Blakey. They need me and I need to be Lu’s mum and Dan’s wife and nothing else.”

“You don’t have to explain anything to me, Em. If that’s what you want, then you'll do that.” Em simply nodded at her friend’s words. She couldn't imagine doing anything else. She hoped it would be different in the future, but not at the moment. “Hey, you know how proud I am of you? That shy woman next door is this brilliant woman with a husband and a baby and a life. And a pretty cool brother, too. That’s pretty cool, Timothy.”

“You’re a silly man. But you’re right. I can’t believe it either. It’s kinda scary, you know?”

“Nothing and especially nobody will take that from you. I promise you. You just look after them and let me make sure you’re ok too. We’re a family, Timmy. We don’t need to work together to look after each other. You’re my sister and that's it. I love you no matter what. And I know Charlie feels the same way."

The shy girl Blake met all those years ago and was absolutely lonely and scared of everything wouldn’t have asked for a hug, but it was another story with the actual Emma. She didn’t hesitate, leaving the spoon on the table and moving the sauce she was making away from the fire to give Blake a hug. Her brother was on her top five list of Best hugs in the world, and she would steal one whenever she could. That afternoon seemed like an excellent time to get one.

“I love you too, B. And I love that wife of yours." Emmy smiled, resting her head comfortably against Blake’s chest.

“Three months and she’ll finally be my wife. Can you believe that?” As Blake kissed the top of her head, she could feel him smiling at her. Em didn’t think she ever saw someone as excited to get married as Blake was. Dan was happy and excited when they did too. He always said meeting Em, getting her back, marrying her and having Lulu were the highlights of his life. She never doubted her husband's words, but Blake was next level of happiness and joy. He was like a happy kid with candy and a brand-new toy, still pinching himself to check it was not a dream. At least once a week he asked Charlie and even Dan and Em if it was really happening, simply because he couldn’t believe he was marrying the love of his life.

“Honestly I can believe it. But it was the best decision you ever made, darling."

"That and saying hi to my nice new next door neighbor. That was an excellent call too.” Blake insisted, giving Em one last squeeze and kiss on the top of her head before he finally let her make dinner.

“It was a smart idea. Second smartest after proposing to Char.” Em smiled, grabbing the wooden spoon to stir the sauce. After filling it, she placed it in front of her friend. “Now try it and let me know if it's good or not."

“What do you mean if it's good? Mama Emmy's sauce is always good." Blake grabbed the spoon and ate it all up. As he smiled, Em could tell what he was thinking about it. She couldn't help but smile back. She knew they all loved her magical sauce, and that made her feel special. Em always felt a some sense of pride as she watched her family enjoy the food she made. She always thought her cooking was more about love than skill, so it filled her with joy to know it put a smile on their faces. "It makes so much sense that you married into an Italian family. This is so incredible it's ridiculous."

As simple as her talk with Blake was, she was terrified of talking to Dan. He wasn't going to say it was a terrible idea or anything like that. She knew her husband would support her in whatever she did. He was always supportive and made sure his loved ones had smiles on their faces. But admitting it to Dan would make it real. If she admitted it to him, then it would be like finally admitting it to herself and signing the resignation letter. Talking to Dan meant making it final. It was terrifying, even when she knew it was the right thing for her and her family.

Before Emma could find the right moment to do it, Dan found it for them. With Lulu in the park and grocery shopping with her godparents, Dan and Em were at home to give them some grown-up time. They never complained. They loved spending time with their daughter, but Charlie insisted.

"Do married couples stuff, alright? No work, just normal people stuff. We're gonna go get some candy and swing in the park before we get sick of you, mum and dad". Those were Charlie's words as she held Lulu and Blake laughed, grabbing Lulu's bag ready to leave. It was a kiss to their daughter before they walked out the door. Soon after, Dan dragged Em to the couch.

She always said she had the superpower of knowing what Dan needed, and that day it was to hug his wife. He needed to wrap his arms around her body and hold her as close as possible. It took Em a minute to realize it wasn't about him, but about her. Dan knew something was bothering her, so he held her until she found the words. He knew it could take a couple of minutes or even hours, but he waited patiently.

"You're waiting for me to say why I'm overthinking, right?" Em finally broke the silence as she placed kisses over his neck and shoulder.

"I have all day, so there's no hurry." Dan's patience was one of the things she admired about him. Or at least his patience with her. It gave Em a safe space where she knew there was no hurry or rush. No matter what her fears or anxieties were, no judgment was made. Dan understood better than anyone else that some conversations needed time, so he held her safely, giving her all the time she needed.

“We gotta go back to mum and dad when Lu is back, so not all day."

“You know Blake and Charlie won't have any issues looking after her for the night if we need it."

“You and I both know it won’t happen. A day off at home? She’s gonna be squeezed between us as soon as she crosses that door." she smiled, feeling how Dan nooded in agreement. Days off were family days, so there was no way Lulu was going to spend the night away from them. But Dan was right and Em didn't want to have that conversation with their daughter at home. “I don’t need you to promise me you won’t get mad, right? ”

“Not at all. You know you can tell me anything you want, Emmy." Dan assured, looking down at her. His big brown eyes always made Em feel better. Dan always looked at her with love and adoration, exactly the kind she thought didn't exist before they met. Combined with the sweet way he kissed her, it gave her the strength to finally talk to her husband.

“I just- I don’t think I want to work anymore? I mean, not forever, but for some time? It's not about you or B. You know I love working with you both, but... I don't know, baby. I guess F1 is not my cup of tea, y'know? I don't want to work there, Dan. Not in the paddock and around all that craziness. I thought it was fun for a while, but then I got tired of it. They ruined the fun for me. I can't do it anymore. I keep showing up because it's your job, but I like it less and less every day, Dan. There are so many people around that it's hard to cope. I know it won't be healthy for me to work again. Not there and especially when Lu is so small and you need-"

Emma suddenly stopped talking when she realized what she was gonna say. She didn't want to overstep, but Dan kissed her before continuing talking for her. “You can say it. I need you. I really need you. I know it. I’m not ashamed or scared to admit I need my wife and daughter by my side. I’d be lying if I didn’t admit it."

“And I need you. I need my family. I need to just be your wife and Lulu’s mum. I want to just be just Em for a while. I have to look after my family, baby. I want to keep things like this and be available for my babies. And it's scary because I don't even know what it was like not to work. The only time I didn't do it was when I was sick. And there’s this voice inside my head saying it's the wrong thing to do, but I really need it."

"Remember the day I knocked on your door asking what to do with Red Bull?" Dan asked, taking Em's hand to kiss her wedding rings.

"You at my door with lemon cake, wine and the biggest puppy eyes? How could I ever forget?". It felt like yesterday even though it had happened six years later. She would never forget his crazy curls and handsome face on the other side of the door asking if he could come in. If she closed her eyes she could feel the nerves in her stomach for having him there. She even remembered his perfume filling the room. It was his eyes that Emma remembered most. He really looked like a kicked puppy. He had a mix of confusion, sadness and worry that made her want to hug him and kiss the frown away from hid face. There was no way she would ever do that, so instead she sat there in front of him, trying to be helpful to the the man she was convinced that was never going to look at her as more than just a friend.

"I was shitting my pants all the way to your place. I had no idea how to knock on your door and say I wanted to talk to you. I wanted to see you so badly you have no idea." Dan confessed, making Em smile shyly. She had no idea about that day. She couldn’t believe Dan was scared about it, but deep down she knew her Dan was a shy guy. The man behind that extrovert personality and big smile was still a shy person who took months, a difficult race, and an unbelievable amount of drunkenness before kissing her for the first time.

"We were just kids, huh?"

"Yeah, we were just kiddos. We really were just kids trying to figure shit out. But you remember what you asked me that day?"

"The wrong thing probably?"

“It wasn't wrong, baby.” Em couldn’t help but smile at her husband. She wasn’t surprised by his answer. Despite the fact that it probably wasn't the best thing, Dan was sure Em never said anything wrong. For Daniel, his wife was always right in some way. He was convinced she was the brightest, smartest, wisest person in the world, so his Emmy was absolutely right. She knew she had fucked up by not telling him not to sign with Renault and especially with McLaren. Em knew she should have stopped him right away, but Dan always insisted she hadn't said anything wrong. Em only gave him advice, but he took the decision on his own. “You asked me what I wanted. You told me to follow my gut. You told me to listen to my heart. That’s what I did. Now I'll tell you the same thing. What does your heart say? Not your head, just your heart and guts."

It was such an easy call. Because it was such an easy decision, Em didn't have to think twice before saying it out loud. “I want to be with you and Lu as much as possible, Dan.”

“Then we do that.”

“What about the brand?”

“Thats not a problem, Em. We keep doing what we've done so far. It's working just fine, but if it doesn't, we'll figure out a way. It's not like you won't give me your opinion. You know you can be in meetings whenever you want. It's alright. And if you ever want to go back, you can do it. Enchanté will always be our thing. It was our first real project together, and that won't change. It's ours no matter what. And if one day you want to do something completely different, that's fine too. You have all the choices and time to decide. We're lucky to be able to do this without worrying about many things, so just stick with your heart."

"I just don't wanna disappoint you, Dan. And it won't be forever"

"You could never do such a thing, baby. The fact that you're doing this in part cause I need you? Cause our family needs you? I'm nothing but grateful, Wrinkles. I just want you to be happy. If it lasts forever but you're happy, that's it. You know what they say, 'Happy wife happy life'. Here at home it's more like 'Happy wife, happy baby, happy husband, happy life'. If my baby mama's good, then we're all happy."

"Thank you. For everything you do for us. And for loving me so hard and not giving up on me."

"Loving you is the easiest thing to do, Mrs Ricciardo." After one long hug the decision was finally taken and sealed with a kiss. It was the right thing for everyone, so Em was happy to accept it.

The one thing they agreed on was to take care of the paperwork for her resignation in another moment, probably during the summer break after Charlie and Blake’s wedding. For too imany reasons it wasn’t the ideal moment to deal with it, so they would rather wait and focus their energy and time in other more important things.

The last couple of months - to not say the last couple of years - have been an emotional roller coaster for them. They had been doing every single possible thing so Dan could focus his energy on work, that’s why after Monaco he decided to take drastic measures. Dan talked to his team, friends, and family, but then his with wife. She knew what was coming when they sat in bed. She knew what her husband asked everyone. For six long, difficult, crazy, and beautiful years, they had most of their crucial conversations and made most decisions from their bed. It ended up becoming their tradition and none of them planned to change it, especially not that night.

Em held his hands and brought them to her hips, kissing his wedding rings before the question fell over them. She knew the answer to "What can I do to not waste that much energy during race weekends?" The team would do its part by cutting sponsorship presentations and marketing obligations. Blake would take care of more things, but Em could only do one thing. The second they found out Em was pregnant they made a deal that she would take care of most things if Dan was working. She reminded him of their deal the second Dan had an AlphaTauri contract over the table ready to sign. Now the only option was to reduce family time during race days. No more getting up extra early to cuddle Lulu and give Em some extra minutes of sleep as he fed her and changed her for their day. No more staying up extra late to cuddle their baby to sleep and do their bottle-pjs-storytime routine at night and then have five extra minutes of cuddling with Em. There was no more running around the paddock to see them for a second when he had more than three seconds free. The other thing that Em decided to give up on over the weekend was sex. It was the first thing Em cut from the list, choosing to let it go long before she decided to do full parenting over the weekend on her own. She was Dan’s wife, but she was also Luna’s mom and they swore to put their daughter first no matter what.

She was terrified of what could come of all that. After all they had been through Em was aware of how strong their relationship was. She knew where their priorities lay and how it worked for them, but it was scary. They changed from a pair of scared young adults with a highly active sexual life who could barely stay away from each other and keep their clothes on when they were together to a married couple and parents of a six-month-old daughter. Their sex life was still active and they still loved it, but things were different and that was scary. She knew herself and her Dan, but fear was always there. She knew Dan was never gonna allow it, but Em was terrified all those decisions were going to push her husband away and ruin her family.

Emma knew that was not the answer Daniel wanted. There was a list of things Dan wasn’t willing to do. Leaving his wife and daughter to the side and spending even less time with them was not one of those things. They were the best part of his life. He had his family and friends and loved them to pieces, but Em and Lulu were the air he breathed. His girls were the center of his world and who he loved more in the entire universe. They had his whole heart in their hands and he was happy it was all theirs. They were the whole reason for absolutely everything and he was not ashamed of saying it out loud. That's why he didn’t want to spend less time with them. He knew the sacrifices they were making for him to live his dream. Em had to live the pregnancy in a rollercoaster that was nothing like the chill year off Dan promised. She had to travel the world, live part of the time in Italy, help their friends in a long distance relationship, lift Dan when he broke his hand and see him get back to racing all in half a year. Then when she was absolutely not ready for it they had to move from the comfort and happiness of their lives in Perth all the way back to Europe when she should be home getting used to being a first-time mom and all that it brought with it. They had to deal with the insanity of being first-time parents and a new season while having a legal battle with Emma’s parents. At six months old Lulu visited more countries and had more stamps in her passport than many adults had in a lifetime. They never signed for that life, especially not Lulu, so he wanted to make it count. He wasn’t making them pass through all that to end up outside the points on a race weekend. Daniel wouldn't do that to them. He wasn’t willing to be that kind of husband and father. 

When she saw her husband's eyes shining with tears, the fear only became stronger. Em could see how he rethought and reconsidered every option and decision he made. Dan promised again and again that she would be his top priority. He swore their child was going to always be the top priority in his life, but now it was all slipping from his fingers. He had counted hours to be a husband and dad for three or four days, and now his job was taking that away. Emma felt like the villain because she was taking it away from him even if it was for the sake of his career. She was feeling like the most awful person in the world when she did it. She felt like the worst mother and wife that ever existed when her husband whispered “Baby please don’t take that from me” as she mentioned how night routines would be her thing. Her main job was to look after Lulu and Danny. Her one thing was to protect them and help them but instead she made her husband cry silent tears. She was a failure and it felt like she was bringing her marriage to an inevitable ruin, but she had to do it for Dan. Work was work and she knew that from day one, no matter how it hurt. Between tender kisses all over his face, Em promised them they would be there no matter what. She was gonna be right by his side with their baby, holding his hand and loving him as much as she always did. Their schedules might change, but not their love for each other.

The one thing they agreed on was to take care of the paperwork for her resignation in another moment, probably during the summer break after Charlie and Blake’s wedding. For too many reasons it wasn’t the ideal moment to deal with it. Instead, they would rather wait and focus their energy and time on other more important things.

The last couple of months - to not say the last couple of years - have been an emotional roller coaster for them. They had been doing every single possible thing so Dan could focus his energy on work, that’s why after Monaco he decided to take drastic measures. After talking to his team, friends, and family, Dan spoke to his wife. She knew what was coming when they sat in bed. She knew what her husband had asked everyone. For six long, difficult, crazy, and beautiful years, they had most of their crucial conversations and made most decisions from their bed. It became their tradition and none of them planned to change it, especially not that night.

Em held his hands and brought them to her hips, kissing his wedding rings before the question fell over them. She knew the answer to "What can I do to not waste that much energy during race weekends?" The team would do its part by cutting sponsorship presentations and marketing obligations. Blake would care for more things, but Em could only do one thing. The second they found out Em was pregnant they made a deal that she would take care of most things if Dan was working. She reminded him of their deal the second Dan had an AlphaTauri contract over the table ready to sign. Now the only option was to reduce family time on race days. No more getting up extra early to cuddle Lulu and give Em some extra minutes of sleep while he fed her and changed her. No more staying up extra late to cuddle their baby to sleep and do their bottle-pjs-storytime routine at night and then have five extra minutes of snuggling with Em. There was no more running around the paddock to see them for a second when he had a moment free.

The other thing that Em decided to give up on over the weekend was sex. It was the first thing Em cut from the list, choosing to let it go long before she decided to do full parenting over the weekend on her own. She was Dan’s wife, but she was also Luna’s mom and they swore to put their daughter first no matter what.

She was terrified of what could come of all that. After all they had been through Em knew how strong their relationship was. She knew where their priorities lay and how it worked for them, but it was still scary. They changed from a pair of scared young adults with a highly active sexual life who could barely stay away from each other and keep their clothes on when they were together to a married couple and parents of a six-month-old daughter. Their sexual life was still active and they still loved it, but things were different and that was scary. She knew herself and her Dan, but fear was always there. She knew Dan was never gonna allow it, but Em was terrified all those decisions were going to push her husband away and ruin her family.

Emma knew that was not the answer Daniel was looking for. There was a list of things Dan wasn’t willing to do. Leaving his wife and daughter to the side and spending even less time with them was not one of those things. They were the best part of his life. He had his family and friends and loved them to pieces, but Em and Lulu were the air he breathed. His girls were the center of his world and who he loved the most in the universe. They had his whole heart in their hands and he was happy it was all theirs. They were the whole reason for everything he did, and he was not ashamed of saying it out loud. That's why he didn’t want to spend less time with them.

He knew the sacrifices they were making for him to live his dream. During the pregnancy, Em lived a rollercoaster ride that was nothing like the relaxing year off Dan promised. She had to travel the world, spend part of the time in Italy, and help their friends in a long distance relationship. She had to lift Dan when he broke his hand and see him return to racing in half a year. Then when she was absolutely not ready for it they had to move from the comfort and happiness of their lives in Perth to travel all the way back to Europe. She should have been home getting used to being a first-time mom and all it brought. If it wasn't enough, they had to deal with the insanity of being first-time parents and the upcoming season while having a legal battle with Emma’s parents. At six months old Lulu visited more countries and had more stamps in her passport than many adults had in a lifetime. They never signed for that life, especially not Lulu, so he wanted to make it count. He wasn’t making them go through all that to end up outside the points on a race weekend. Daniel wouldn't do that to them. He wasn’t willing to be that kind of husband and father. 

When she saw her husband's eyes shining with tears, fear only became stronger. Em could see how he was rethinking and reconsidering every option and decision he made. Dan promised she would be his top priority. He swore their child would always be the top priority in his life, but now it was slipping from his fingers. He had counted hours to be a husband and dad for three or four days, and now his job was taking that away.

Emma felt like the villain because she was taking it away from him even if it was for the sake of his career. She felt like the worst person in the world when she did it. She felt like the most horrible mother and wife that ever existed when her husband whispered “Baby please don’t take that from me” as she mentioned how night routines would be her thing. Her main job was to look after Lulu and Danny. The only thing she wanted to do was protect them and help them, but instead, she made her husband cry silent tears. She was a failure and it felt like she was bringing her marriage to an inevitable ruin, but she had to do it for Dan. Work was work and she knew that from day one, no matter how it hurt. Between tender kisses all over his face, Em promised them they would be there no matter what. She would be right by his side with their baby, holding his hand and loving him as much as she always did. Their schedules might change, but not their love for each other.

But even knowing it was temporary, the guilt didn’t go away for weeks. They had one week off after Monaco and half of it was both of them feeling guilty about their decisions. Dan promised that the week would be exclusively for the three of them, and it started by taking Lulu to the beach Dan bought Em over their first weekend together in Monaco.

Em couldn’t help but think Monaco was cursed for them. They cursed it after getting together. Year after year, it was one terrible thing after another. It was so awful that she didn't like being there at all. She knew they had to for legal reasons, but she didn’t like to spend more than necessary there. Monaco had so many memories Em felt like she couldn’t breathe there. After they got back there, they moved their things to another apartment on the opposite side of the city. The apartment had a beautiful view, two rooms and a more spacious kitchen than the old apartment had, but Em still wasn’t happy. Em couldn’t help but feel out of place because she didn’t belong there. She was still the girl who loved her simple life in London. She loved being home and having a normal life doing normal things such as grocery shopping, fixing dinner for her family and doing laundry. She could tell Dan wasn’t happy to be there either. He could see how his wife was uncomfortable and his daughter was less chilled out. Lulu wasn’t grouchy, but she got irritated faster when they stayed there.

The one happy day they had in Monaco after their terribly difficult conversation was when they decided to return to the beach where they had been all those years back after they slept together for the first time. It was Dan’s desperate need to spend time with his family who brought them there, and Em was delighted they did it. Seeing Lulu giggling was one of the counted good things that happened to them there in the last few years. Maybe it was the one happy thing that happened to them. Watching her husband holding their daughter so she could wet her tiny feet in the ocean was one of those memories that would last forever. Watching her water-loving baby smiling at the sensation of the waves hitting her skin was all Em needed to feel lighter even if just for a few hours. That and being held by her husband as he promised everything would be alright kept her going through the week.

Having some family time in New York and traveling to their house in Austin also helped ease her heavy heart. She knew it was a matter of days until they started their ‘No more distractions over the race weekend’, but first they had some normality. They lived a couple of days like any normal family, doing mundane things any couple with a baby would do. Doing the dishes at their home and taking Lulu to the park felt like a privilege and Em soaked it up. She enjoyed every second with her loves until they had to fly to Canada.

When they reached Thursday and press day it was all gone and the reality of her words hit her as hard as possible. Waking up to Dan still asleep and not sitting down in bed holding Lulu almost brought tears to her eyes, but she stopped herself. She took a deep breath to control her emotions, trying to keep them together. The last thing Dan needed was to wake up with his wife crying. He had been through that too many times in the last couple of years. Two years earlier they were in Montana, crying all day and giving Dan the chance to walk away from their relationship before heading to Canada. When they were there she had to ask Dan to keep Michael away from her for some time because she just couldn’t handle his comments. Things were completely different, but memories weren’t easy and she knew it. It was not easy, it was still somehow in the back of his head, that’s why Em didn’t want him to add more worries to his already long list. 

It was her job. One of the reasons Emma left her job as Dan's assistant was that she didn't love it any more. She had a much longer list, including her mental health on top. But one of the most significant reasons was focusing on her family. Her priority was her family. The first two people on her list were her Dan and her Lulu. She got up, made her way to the bathroom and walked straight to their daughter to start their morning in silence while Dan rested. 

She loved the quiet, soft, slow moments with Lulu in the morning. Em loved cuddling and feeding her baby while ignoring the world outside their room. Lulu’s big brown eyes looking up at her were one of the most incredible things that ever happened to her. She couldn't believe how that six-month-old beauty with crazy tiny curls was her daughter. She couldn’t believe how each day Lulu looked more and more like Dan. For Em it was glorious because if Lulu didn’t look like her, she wouldn’t look like Emma’s mother. Thankfully, their baby was full Ricciardo which gave Em nothing but joy, especially considering Dan was the most handsome man in the world for her. Being able to stay there with Lulu in her arms looking at Dan sleeping peacefully was a privilege for Em.

For an hour and a half, her husband's snores were Em's background noise as she cuddled, kissed and changed Lulu. As Em got ready for their day, she smiled at Dan. She had no idea how she used to sleep without Dan as her white noise. She barely remembered how it was to go to bed without his arms wrapped around her. She couldn't even think how it was to wake up without his curls and stubble tickling her skin. Em could not help but laugh because she never imagined marrying a man who occasionally loved a mustache on his face. However, she loved Dan and all his weird and questionable facial hair choices. She must have giggled too loudly because Dan stirred as she talked to Lulu.

Maybe Emma giggled too loudly and made too much noise without realizing, because as she talked to Lulu, Dan started to stir. Like every morning she kissed his forehead. It became a small tradition and whoever was up first always did that while whispering a little good morning. Em cut too many things from his routine, but that wasn’t one of them. Em wouldn't leave behind the extra five or ten minutes of cuddles in bed. Those small things she was not willing to give up on. She might not let her husband get up earlier, but her family was gonna have their usual cuddle session to start the day like they always did. She wasn’t willing to take from her beloved family their morning little ritual of Dan kissing Lulu good morning. It was her face first, then her hands, tummy and feet, making her giggle with joy, dimples full on display, exactly like her daddy. It was all those moments that made Em remember every single decision and sacrifice was worth it if the loves of her life were happy. She was exhausted, but it gave her an extra shot of energy to hear Dan call her Mama as he talked to Lulu.

Em knew it was probably too soon to say and see any changes, but seeing her husband doing so well in Canada was like a breath of fresh air. A wonderful P5 in quali and P8 in the race was more than they expected. Em never doubted him, but trusting what the car could do was a completely different story.

Canada was wonderful, but they were just incredibly excited about visiting Barcelona. They were looking forward to meeting their family there, so it was good news for everyone. With Isabella and Isaac on school break, the family spent some time in Europe with Dan, Em and Lulu. It was all they really needed. Just as a toothless smile from their daughter could lift their spirits, a hug from the kids or Grace or Joe could lift their spirits. It was healing to watch them all cover Lulu in love when they couldn’t do it for months. It was magical to see Joe and Grace holding their tiny granddaughter and the kids playing with their baby cousin.

Having their family there not only meant much needed family time, but also Grandparents in charge. Lulu would spend at least a whole afternoon with Grace and Joe every time they were with them. They loved their grandkids, so spending the day with them was absolutely wonderful. That also allowed Dan and Em to have adult time without their baby around. Grace and Joe insisted the four of them needed some time to be just adults without thinking about the baby in the family and that's what they did.

Dan and Blake promised to join Charlie and Em later in the afternoon after press day in the circuit, which left the two women having brunch and part of a girls day. They normally did it with Lulu, going for a walk, lunch and maybe some shopping just the three of them until the boys returned. One of the things Em got thanks to Charlie being around was more freedom. With Em not working and Dan not in the car on Thursday, there was really no need for the girls to be at the track while the boys worked. One day they decided to turn Thursday morning and afternoon into girls days and it stuck. They sometimes skip it depending on the country, but for a big part of the calendar it was their thing. It didn’t change when Lulu was born, only transformed into a more baby-friendly version of it. With Lulu around it wouldn’t include alcohol, but when it was only Em and Charlie they would always have a glass of rosè.

Doing it in sunny Barcelona normally would put a smile on Em’s face. It was one of the places with more happy memories for them. Her first race was there and she couldn’t forget how happy Dan looked when he saw she was really there after insisting so much. She remembered his cute selfies back in 2018 when it was snowing and he was all covered in a scarf and a Red Bull beanie complaining how he didn’t like the cold and especially the snow. The same happened in 2019, Dan coming and going to London to see her on his free days between one week of testing and the other. She could never forget their nights snuggling in her hotel room in 2020 when she was finally working with him, trying to hide from the world because they weren’t supposed to be together but they just couldn’t stay away from each other. Dan hiding his face against her chest as he hugged her body, saying he was too cold even when the room was perfectly warm, enough for them to not use clothes while they slept. Even the previous year, because they weren’t there during the race but Dan gave them a reason to visit to have his hand surgery. Those were some of the most stressful days of her life, but she was never going to forget her husband waking up from the anesthesia whispering “You’re really pretty but I have a very hot pregnant wife” as he smiled lazily at her, trying in vain to reach her bump with his good hand.

Barcelona had too many good memories and she didn’t want anyone ruining that for them. But even with all those happy memories and stories, Em couldn’t stop thinking about everything that was happening. All the comments and rumors and talks about her husband were haunting her, making it hard for her to stop overthinking, even when she was supposed to be enjoying her day off with her friend.

Doing it in sunny Barcelona would normally put a smile on Em’s face. The place held many happy memories for them. Her first race was there and she couldn’t forget how happy Dan looked when he saw she was really there after insisting so much. She remembered his cute selfies back in 2018 when it was snowing and he was covered in a scarf and a Red Bull beanie, complaining how he didn’t like the cold and especially the snow. The same happened in 2019, Dan coming and going to London to see her on his free days between one week of testing and the other. She could never forget their nights snuggling in her hotel room in 2020 when she finally worked with him, trying to hide from the world because they weren’t supposed to be together but they just couldn’t stay away from each other. Dan hid his face against her chest as he hugged her tightly, saying he was too cold even when the room was perfectly warm, enough for them not to wear clothes while they slept. Even the previous year, because they weren’t there during the race but Dan gave them a reason to visit to have his hand surgery. Those were some of the most stressful days of her life, but she would never forget her husband waking up from anesthesia whispering “You’re really pretty but I have a very hot pregnant wife” as he smiled lazily at her, trying in vain to reach her bump with his good hand.

Barcelona had too many happy memories and didn't want anyone ruining them. But even with all those happy memories and stories, Em couldn’t stop thinking about everything that was happening. Even on her day off with her friend, she found it difficult to stop overthinking due to all the comments, rumors, and discussions about her husband.

“What’s going on?” Charlie asked out of the blue, glass in her hand as the sun shined down on her, making her look like something absolutely divine.

“Nothing.” It was typical Em trying to avoid the inevitable conversation, but knowing it was in vain to try at all. It was Charlie after all.

“Baby…”

“Nothing, Char.”

“Kay, right, lie to your bestie.”

“I’m not lying!”

“Then tell me what’s in your head. I know you, my dear. Maybe you don’t remember but I have a PhD in psychology. Might be in child psychology, but people’s minds are the same. Plus I know all of your faces and you've got the 'I'm worried' face on right now. I know a lot of things worry you but tell me which one is putting a frown across your face." Oh my God, how much she loved Charlie. The fact that she was right about everything she said made it funny. She was so skilled at reading people that it was difficult to hide something from her. It was especially difficult when they spent hours and days together, but Em tried. She tried to keep it chill and quiet, hiding behind her own wine glass. "Alright, I'll guess. Is it Dan and the noise of the silly season?" Check mate.

“You really know me a bit, don’t you?” Em smiled, taking a sip and breathing deeply before talking about the issue. “Yeah, it’s that. I’m just tired and we’re just in June. And Dan told me I could talk to Bayer and Mekies to get some peace of mind but I don’t want to. One of the reasons I quit was because I was tired of meetings with team principals and CEOs. I don’t fully believe them."

“Nobody can blame you. You have your reasons not to.”

“I know. And even if I did I’d still be worried. People talking about my husband is never easy. I hate people acting like they know him or what's going on. All these years and I still hate it. I feel powerless. Like I get to sit there and watch while it all happens when I should be able to do more." It hurt to confess it, but it also felt like a weight off her shoulders as she said it. It was like a bit of pressure came off her chest, which really helped her feel lighter.

“Em, darling, there’s nothing you can do. You’re already doing everything to help him. Goddamn, many women wouldn’t do half the things you do and wouldn’t help with half of the things you help.”

“I know that, but it's that constant small voice in my head saying I should be doing more. I wanna do more.”

“You’re doing enough, Em. Believe me. You’re flying the world with your baby daughter and raising her on your own most days so your husband can stay focused on his dream job. Damn, I can’t wait for the summer break and it's not even about my wedding. I want it so you can have Dan all day for you and Lu.”

It was the final countdown to their summer vacation and Em couldn’t remember the last time she waited for it as much as that year. Being cozy at home with the family sounded like a dream. It was even better when the excuse was their best friends’ wedding.

“I really can’t wait for you and Blakey to get married, you know? Having time off is nice, but your wedding? That’s gonna be incredible. I’m so happy you’re the one who gets to marry him. I really can’t wait.” Em affirmed, looking at Charlie's happy face. She normally lights up at any mention of her man, but the grin only grew bigger as she talked about the wedding.

“I can’t wait either. I really wanna be my squishy face’ wife. He’s gonna look terrific being my Mr Friend-Clarke.” Charlie proudly blushed, drinking from her glass to justify and hide the pink color on her cheeks.

“He’s really doing it, isn’t he?” Em curiously asked. She knew Blake intended to add Charlie’s last name to his. He couldn’t care less about whether Charlie wanted to change her name or not. He said again and again that it was all up to her. However, when Charlie decided to do it, Blake said he was doing it too. If Charlie was gonna add Friend to her name then he was determined to include Clarke to his.

“Fuck yeah. You know, it was his idea, so I won’t fight him. If he wants to be a Clarke, that's his thing.” Charlie shrugged. Em knew she was pretending it was not a big deal, but it meant everything to her. The fact that her future husband wanted to also carry her family’s name right beside his felt surreal. “But don’t change the subject here. We were talking about you and your man. You guys are alright? I mean, overall and despite all the vroom-vroom craziness.”

“Yes, we’re okay. We're doing really well. Trying to adjust to the new weekends routine. Good thing is all this won't last longer than 2026, so it won't be that terrible. Or at least I hope it won’t be.”

“Its bad that I can’t wait for that?” Charlie breathed as her happy smile faded into a rather sad smirk. 2026 wasn’t coming fast enough for them.

“No, it's not. Me neither actually. I’m not gonna miss not being on a race track almost every weekend."

“How did you do it? I mean, you don’t like it. You don’t enjoy racing. You get nervous every time. You don’t like the mess and fanciness and fake shit that comes with it. I see your face every time you see how the garages are full of people outside and the track is also packed. You’re this little miss introvert sunshine in the middle of a circus full of extrovert people. How have you survived all these years? Like seriously, in how many races have you been?” Charlie wondered, making Em laugh at all the questions at once. She wasn’t surprised coming from her friend, especially not after all that time together.

"I have no idea how many. Less than a hundred I guess? I never counted them.” Em tried to do fast math, but there was no use. As the number of races changed every year, Dan missed the entire season the previous year, and she missed too many, so it was impossible to guess it quickly. “I really don’t know. But to your other question, I did it for Dan. I want him to be happy. He’s happy racing, so here I am.”

“I know but anyway, it's insane, Em.”

“Why did you leave your job and your family to follow Blake for two years around the world, partly living in a country you dislike?" Em replied, leaving Charlie thinking with her mouth slightly open and a frown showing on her face.

“It’s not that I don’t like the UK. Charlie defended herself just like every time someone accused her of not liking Em’s country.

“You don’t have anything against it, but you hate the weather.”

“It’s cold in summer! Summer is supposed to be warm, not cloudy and rainy!” Charlie and Dan sometimes disagree on some stuff. They were like siblings who fought over which M&M color was the best or which song was better, but they loved each other. But they always agreed on the weather. They hated the cold, they didn’t like the rain and they loved sunny skies and warm days. Living in London was like a nightmare for her because of the weather. Em was not surprised to hear the same words her husband normally says, but they came from Charlie’s mouth.

“You kind of sound like my husband, you know? Like a lot like him.”

“Cause we’re from cute sunny Perth, baby. We’re not made for cold European weather.”

“Your man is from Sydney and he doesn’t complain.” Em remarked, finishing what was left in her glass, acting like she said the smartest thing in the universe.

"It's because he's a saint. He’s marrying me, poor thing. He already has a spot in heaven for handling me and my shit. For handling us all. If he can deal with that, then I can deal with the cold weather for him.”

“And flying around. Because you’re scared of planes and there you are traveling around the world, jumping on planes every week." Em pointed out. Everyone around her knew how scared she was of flying. It was as overwhelming as Em's airport anxiety, but Charlie made it time after time. It took time, love, and patience, but she made it as long as Blake held her hand and reminded her everything would work out.

“I just don’t like turbulence and I told you, people are not supposed to be in the air! Same with huge machines. It's not natural." Charlie explained, giving the same answer she gave everyone who asked how she could be terrified of the safest transport system that existed.

“I know that, but my point is, you do it anyway cause you love Blake. You handle cold and rain and planes to be with him and because you want him to be happy. You fly and get cold, I get in noisy, packed places. We do what we have to do.” Em concluded, as Charlie grabbed the bottle of wine and poured what was left between their both glasses. “We are gonna get drunk, Char!”

“We have to finish it! It's to celebrate how fucking ridiculous we are, babe. We both know we wouldn’t have it any other way. We wouldn’t change our boys for the world and I drink to that, so cheers.” Charlie grinned, clicking her glass with Em’s to toast for their happy lives. “Or you know, Enchanté, as your husband says."

"Since you asked, we're talking about boys and relationships. How are you and my brother doing?” Em asked, taking another tiny sip and leaving the glass back on the black table. It would go to her brain sooner rather than later, but it was her one afternoon off, and the wine was really good. Good enough to send a photo to Dan and add it to their 'Wines Emmy likes' collection.

“We’re good. Better than ever really. Stressing a bit about the wedding cause it’s not easy to organize it from the other side of the world, but enjoying engaged life. A lot of engaged sex before it turns into married couples' sex. Just in case it changes and gets bored, y’know? But yeah, we’re okay. Really happy."

"Getting married doesn't change much. At least it didn't for us. And considering it's you? It won’t either. Like, I know I will regret asking this but really Char, how many days a week you…?” There was the wine finally and officially taking over and talking for Em. Her little prudent brain never let her talk about those things just like that, unless there was alcohol in her body.

“You’re trying to ask me how many days a week we have sex? You better keep drinking, sister.” Charlie smirked, knowing she finally got to the point she wanted to have ridiculous conversations. “And depends? Almost every day?”

"Oh, come on! That's insane."

“You shut up! B told me how you and Dan were basically like horny dogs for years, so don't come here judging, little missy." Check mate. Em hated to admit it, but Charlie was kind of right. Right enough to make Em blush.

“But not every day!” Em tried to defend herself, but her red cheeks and the silly smile gave her away too fast. Besides, Charlie knew when she was lying so it was in vain. “Maybe at the beginning when he came home and I didn’t see him every day but if we spent time together we didn’t have sex every day.”

“Okay but how many days? Spill it, sister.” That damn question.

“Charlie!” Em exclaimed, looking to the tables around them. Luckily, they were too far and too involved in their conversation to listen to what they said. “I don’t know. Four? Five on vacation? But normally, three? Depending on the week."

“Sounds logical. But I don’t care, really. I won’t lie and say it's too much for me because it's more than alright. If B doesn't complain we’re good. As long as he lets me sit on his di-“

“Char! There are people around!” Em interrupted, laughing like a small kid who was almost discovered doing something bad. The fact that she stopped Charlie from saying something worse let her know she wasn’t that terrible. Maybe. “If Dan was here he would say his dick is gonna fall one of these days.”

"Oh boy wine is finally hitting her!” Charlie laughed, not really believing the word ‘dick’ came from her best friend’s mouth, at least not in such a way. “But yeah, nah, it won’t. I know how to take care of my pretty boy. He is really looked after, so don’t worry about it. I take care of him so damn well that one day soon there might be two babies flying around the world with us."

Emma could see the exact moment Charlie shifted. She could see how she wasn’t supposed to open her mouth to say such a thing, but trust and wine together were bad advisors and they betrayed her. Em could only think of how her face reflected Charlie’s. A surprised expression on her face as she processed the words.

“Oh boy… Char are you…?”

“No.”

“But you’re trying, aren’t you?”

Charlie answered in a second. Em could see how she was trying to decide if she should say the truth or lie, but there was no use lying about it. “A bit. Maybe a lot. Like a lot.”

“I need a coffee. We need coffee. We can’t have this conversation like this, seriously." Em breathed, taking what was left of her wine and calling the waitress to order two coffees and water for them. It felt like suddenly more than one thing about her friends’ behavior made sense. Suddenly too many of the things they did had more logic about them. “Goddamn, that's why you stopped smoking at all.”

"How do you know that? Only Blake knows I stopped for good and he told me it was our secret.”

“Someone asked for a lighter the other day and you didn’t have one with you. You always have it. Always. Even if it’s to burn a building. Or a body. Or evidence.”

“I was planning to stop anyway. It's terrible for you guys and B hates it too cause it's bad for me.” Charlie tried to justify as they smiled and thanked the waitress for bringing their order.

Before Em could answer, she first drank water. Straight after she poured sugar on it and took a sip of her coffee. She needed to try, even though it wouldn't take effect fast enough. “We all hate it because it's terrible for you, Charlotte. And it went from one every once in a while to too many a week."

Em knew Charlie’s smoking history. She knew how it started in her university days, mainly recreationally, as she had drinks with her friends and classmates. As time passed, she got caught up in it, using it as a way to cope with stress from exams. She promised to quit after getting her PhD, and she did it. Charlie would only get one in a year, maybe two and only when she was really drunk. But the 'only while drunk' clause was omitted from the equation. Between planes, airports, hotel rooms, cameras, photographers, and strangers knowing who her boyfriend was, her anxiety only grew. When it happened and Charlie felt anxiety reached her peak of the day, she would sneak away from them and try to put it away with some nicotine. She would never smoke around them, so it would be a fifteen minutes break to return with her face and teeth washed and clean clothes. But as it happened more and more often to the point Em was thinking about making an intervention, one day it completely stopped. Now it made sense why she did it.

“We have a stressful life, Em." Charlie tried to justify, but there was no point in discussing that at the moment.

“Don’t change the subject."

“We’re trying. We started less than a month ago. We talked too much about it and we really really thought about it. We had a plan and were waiting, but with my family history of fertility issues? I’m not getting any younger and I don’t wanna risk it. I won't risk our chances. I can't wait, Em. I'm afraid of waiting too long and then finding out it won't happen, y'know?. I’m older than my mom was when she had Cal and I just- We always knew we wanted this at some point so we’re trying for it. I know it's terrible timing with the season and all that but-"

“Charlie, no." Em interrupted her friend, grabbing her hand from over the table to stop her from rambling. "Love, don’t do that. It's not bad timing. It is not. It could never be. Lulu having a travel buddy sounds wonderful."

If there was something that Em admired about Charlie, it was the way she always looked like she could own the world. It was effortless somehow. There was something about the way she carried herself. Em knew Charlie carried her heart on her sleeve and was the sweetest, most loving, protective, honest woman in the world. However, there was something about her that said she could take over the world if she wanted to. Em always joked that Charlie and Blake could take over the world if they wanted to do it, but they would rather snuggle on the couch. But just like Charlie was the most badass woman Em ever met, her friend also was one of the most sensible people she ever knew. That afternoon was not the exception and Charlie could see how her friend's face completely shifted. There was absolute relief on her face as she heard those words, her brown eyes shining even more.

“Really?” Charlie asked, and the happiness in her eyes slowly reached her smile, giving Em a tiny smirk.

“Yeah it does. It really does. Those babies will be so lucky to have you and Blake, Char." Em smiled, squeezing her friend's hand as the shock hit Charlie. "What? Don't look at me like that. I know you'd like more than one. I'm not silly. I saw you and Blake looking at the kids and whispering numbers. I kind of live with you, remember?"

"Is that obvious?" Charlie blushed, taking a sip of her water as she realized her friend had caught them.

“Not for anyone, but me and Dan its obvious. But I can totally see you with a bunch of tiny brunette babies running around the house. If someone has the patience for something like that, that's your husband."

“I know. Nobody has as much patience as that man. But maybe it's just one baby? I’d love to have a couple but I'd be happy with one.”

"One, three, seven, whatever. They’re really gonna be the luckiest kids in the world." Em had no idea if someone was ever really prepared to be a parent, but if someone was close enough, that was Blake and Charlie. After a bunch of nieces and nephews from Charlie's side and after spending the last months helping raise Lulu like she was their own, Em knew they were more than ready for it.

“You think?”

“I know it. Just like my Lulu is lucky to have you as godparents”

"We're lucky to be her godparents. You know I love all my nieces and nephews with all my heart and I don’t have a favorite but damn it, little baby Lu really is something else. That girl is a shining little star. There’s no way you don't smile when you see her with those big eyes and crazy curls. Like you really made an excellent one.” Charlie smiled proudly as she talked about her youngest goddaughter.

“That toothless smile is really something else, isn’t it?" Em grinned, still not believing how incredible her baby girl was. Charlie was right. Lulu was a bright little star who would put a smile on anyone's face. She was sweet, smart, funny, and gorgeous, the light of her parents life and the reason for everything they did. "But hey, soon enough we'll be covered in diapers and running around with two tiny ones. Just wait and see."

“You think our kids will be besties?”

“What's that question? Of course they will be best friends. That’s how it’s supposed to be.”

Charlie exclaimed excitedly, making Em laugh at her. "Maybe they get married and all!"

“Oh so you really don’t wanna get rid of me, uh? That’s why you want our babies to marry? So we’re family forever?” Em joked, but there was nothing that made her happier than thinking about spending the rest of her life like that, sharing lunches with Charlie and then returning back to their boys and babies.

“Exactly! Us? That's forever, baby.”

The most enjoyable thing about spending time with Charlie was how she always brought a smile to Em’s face. They were always able to make each other smile. A glass of wine and a long walk while shopping mostly for Lulu, Em could almost forget about her worries. She couldn't completely forget about them, but as Charlie dragged her to a fancy shop to buy some new lingerie, Em could at least put them to the side for a while.

Having a double dinner date was probably another thing they needed. More than once Steve switched from Dan’s trainer to Lulu’s babysitter, offering himself to look after her for a couple hours or even the night so the rest could have a night out without a baby car right by the table. Normally they would say no and it would be the six of them having dinner together, but on some weird occasion Steve would basically kick them out. Every hour, everyone in their group chat would receive a photo of Lulu, attached to a text that said something about their own date running perfectly. He always made sure Em and Dan didn’t worry about their daughter and they were thankful for it. That night they didn’t have to feel guilty about leaving Steve to the side because he was on his own FaceTime date with his girlfriend Sophie, so it was all good.

Just like Canada was wonderful, Barcelona was a disaster. The car was supposed to be faster with the new parts, but Em had to see her husband qualify P18 because the team decided to sacrifice their quali to test the ungraded parts. The last thing they needed was that. The last thing Dan needed was that, especially in front of his family. 

It had been a while since Em wanted to cry after a race, but that day she had to fight the tears. Knowing the kids were in the hospitality, Em took a deep breath and pretended everything was alright. It hurt her to see her husband fighting for something that some days seemed impossible no matter how hard he tried.

That terrible race was the reason why they didn’t say yes when Grace and Joe offered to take Lulu for the night after the race. Depending on the race and how tired Dan was, Blake and Charlie would look after Lulu for the night, giving the parents some time off to sleep without worrying or waking up in the middle of the night. But that night they couldn’t do it. Dan was tired, but he needed his girls. Em knew he needed both his girls, so after a family dinner they headed back to their room for some cuddles.

“You think she'll be proud of me one day? Even with the not so good years?” Dan asked in the dark, his head resting against Em's chest as she kissed his forehead while Dan did the same on her chest.

Even then, his focus was on Lulu. Their daughter slept in her crib right by their bed, never out of reach. They both slept better knowing Lu was there, especially in case a bad dream hit one of them and they needed to hold her tiny chubby hand.

“I know she will. As soon as she is old enough to understand, she will be so proud of her dad. Not only for everything you have accomplished but for how amazing you are. Just like I am proud of you, not only for going fast but for being the best dad and husband in the world.”

It melted her heart when Dan looked up at her as she said those words. It made her feel butterflies in her stomach, the same ones that appeared the night she met Dan. It was the same ones that never went away. They only grew stronger as time passed, especially when Dan kissed her as he did that night. “You’re the best mama and wife in the world. Absolutely the greatest.”

“I try my best cause my loves deserve it.” Em whispered against his lips, enjoying the feeling of her husband right there by her side. Her whole universe was in that room and she couldn’t ask for anything more. “I love you. I don’t care where you end up in the race, alright?”

“I love you too. So so much, Wrinkles. You have no idea how much. Six Barcelona races later and I wouldn’t change us for the world.” Between more lazy, soft, silent kisses to not bother their daughter, Em couldn’t help but smile again. Dan still made her blush, not really believing her luck in life when he said those things.

"How is it already six?" she wondered, still amazed. It felt like an eternity and three lifetimes passed since they met at Blake’s. But at the same time it felt like it was yesterday. Six years of the highest highs and lowest lows. Six years of the happiest and saddest days of her life. Six years and she would do it all again if it meant she ended up being Lulu’s mum and Dan’s wife.

“Dunno, but I love it. Best six years of my life."

“Don’t lie to me” she joked, biting casually his lower lip.

“Best six years of my life. And best six months of my life thanks to our baby moon.”

Leaving Barcelona to go to Austria wasn’t her favorite thing to do. She has nothing against that place, but she loved Barcelona way too much, so if she had to choose, she'd stay in the Spanish city.

Before they headed to the track, they decided to spend some days in Vienna to visit and show Charlie and Steve around. Em's favorite thing was also on the agenda. It was her annual tradition to go to the Belvedere museum to see some paintings, but mostly Klimt's The Kiss. She had it tattooed on her thigh, Dan loved to kiss it and say it looked a lot like them, but they also loved to go to the museum and see it. From the first time Dan made it happen and took Em there in 2019 it was their tradition to do it. They would stand there, Dan standing right behind her with his arms around her waist as Em rested her back against his chest. Sometimes they stayed silent, sometimes Dan whispered sweet words into her ear. But nothing ever compared to the feeling of being there with their best friend and especially with their daughter. Em walked with one hand holding Dan's and another holding her daughter's tiny foot. Like always, Lulu was strapped in her carrier against Em's chest, looking at everything around her.

"See that one, Lu? That's mama's favorite painting ever. I come here every year to see it cause it makes me happy. Your poor dada always comes with me, but now we can do it together to not drag him." Em whispered, kissing her baby's head making Lulu give her the best gummy grin.

"I love coming with you, so now it's the three of us." Dan answered, kissing both his girls. "There's nowhere I rather be than here with you."

Having walked around the city, shopped, and visited places for two days, it was finally time to leave for Spielberg for her husband's 250 race.

Em was never as skilled at maths as she appeared, but, in this case, maths was simple. Two hundred and fifty races were about four years and a half of racing. Two hundred and fifty Sundays when her husband got into a car and raced his heart out. He was almost in the top ten of F1 racing drivers with the most Grand Prix starts, and she couldn’t be prouder. Em was always proud of her boy, constantly reminding him how she loved him for who he was and not for his job, but she was tremendously proud of him. Dan always said the things he did weren’t sacrifices but choices, but Em knew half of it was true. Not being able to spend more time with his family and friends was both a choice and a sacrifice to do what he loved. Not being able to give his wife and daughter more of his time, not having the opportunity to take Em on more dates, letting her do most of the parenting was nothing and not being a full-time dad for Lulu every single day was on the top of his list of things he would wish to change. It was at the top of his list of things he wanted to change the second he retired. In the meantime, she kept kissing his cheeks, smiling at him and whispering how much she loved him and how he had a job to do.

But what surprised her the most was when Blake told her Dan’s 250th race was also her 100th race. When Charlie asked at lunch, Em still didn't have the courage to check. She still didn’t have the heart to count. Like she told Charlie, searching for a list and doing the maths would mean she had to look at the races she missed back in those terrible orange days and she didn’t intend to. She didn’t have the heart to do it. Her list of things to do grew, and she did not get upset about it. Most days she didn't let herself think about that and how tired she was. Her job was to look after her babies. Thinking about her tiredness would lead her to think about how much she wished to get home and it was impossible. It would lead to spiralling about her leaving a big part of her job, being a full-time mum, missing home, longing to be with their family, and a hundred things more. The saddest part was it made Em think how she knew Dan wanted another baby but they couldn't. Lulu was too young, Em didn’t plan to get pregnant again until their daughter was at least two years old, and she didn’t want to deal with a pregnancy and a toddler. She couldn’t deal with it if Dan was racing. She wanted to be home to do that, and Dan agreed, but she knew he wanted more babies. They didn’t want Lulu to be an only child like Em was. They wanted at least one more baby, but she could do another fifty races and celebrate her husband’s 300th with two kids on the road.

Em couldn't and didn't want to let her brain overthink all that. She wanted to celebrate her husband and all his races and the ones she had been by his side. She wanted to celebrate that and then his birthday and the fact that it was his first birthday with Lulu by their side. All Em's worries could wait for another week or two. If extra therapy sessions were necessary, she would have them for her family.

At the end, it was a miracle that she didn’t need it, but maybe it was the joy of seeing her husband smiling in his special helmet. She remembered the day Dan had the idea to do it like his helmet from his kart days, and she loved it. She remembered the excitement on his face as they lay in bed and Dan asked if it would be an good idea. There was a big difference from that night months ago to the day it became a reality. She saw the helmet when Dan brought it home, but there was a huge difference from when she saw it at the race in the Red Bull ring. Em looked at Dan taking it off its bag and for some reason, tears fell down her face. From that little boy who only wanted to go fast in his kart to the wonderful man he became, he had come so far in life. She was so proud of him. She was the luckiest girl to be there for six years of his career. She was the luckiest woman to be there for hundreds of those races.

“I thought we said no tears” Dan smiled, closing the gap between them in his room. As soon as they were one in front of the other, Dan reached her face, cleaning the tears with his fingers.

"I know, but they're really good ones. I’m so proud of you. All you did and you keep doing? God, I’m seriously so proud of you, baby."

“Y'know what's my favorite part about it? That you and Lu are here to see it. It's been crazy, but having you here makes it better and easier. Having our potato here?" Dan asked, pointing to their daughter with his head as she took her morning nap in her seat before the craziness and the noise started. "It really feels like a dream.”

“We have a little saint for a daughter." Em smiled, wrapping her arms around her husband and resting her head against his chest. She knew they didn't have much time, but she would enjoy every second of it.

“Just like her gorgeous mama. And thank goodness she's nothing like her papa.”

“Only on looks."

"That's why she’s precious."

“Then it sounds like she's exactly like her dad.” Em affirmed, kissing his chest before looking at her husband's face. “Thank you for letting me be by your side for a hundred races. It has been my pleasure, baby. No matter what form we were in, it's been awesome.”

“99 of those races should've been as you as my girl.” Dan admitted, kissing Em's nose before tucking her hair behind her ear. "I know what you'll say. You were my girl. You've always been my girl, but you were not my girlfriend. That's my one regret."

"It's your 250th race, there’s no time for regrets." she reminded him, moving one of her hands from his waist to his face, stroking his cheek with her fingers.

“There's no time for regrets, but there’s time for one more big hug from my lady wife." Even when they were still holding each other, Dan hugged Em as tightly as possible. For some reason it felt so peaceful that it didn't feel like they were on the track. It felt like they were home, except for the detail of her husband wearing the team's clothes. “Thank you” he whispered against her hair, breaking the silence in the room.

“For what?”

“For Lu. For existing. For being here. And for handling my daily shit. I think I don’t thank you enough for it.” He did. Heaven knew he did. Em was well aware of it and it was never an issue. Dan was always in awe of his wife and all she did for their family. But she also knew that after what happened with them and not talking about their feelings for years, Dan needed to remind her how he felt about them.

"You know how you can thank me?" Em asked, moving her face from his chest to his neck, kissing it a couple times and then his jaw. "Don't cut your curls during the summer break." Em liked the mustache and she was more than used to it, but if she had to pick she always rather the full bear. There was counted things Em loved as much as running her fingers through it. If she could get it back, she would be happy even if it was temporary.

"Emmy!" Dan exclaimed, forcing Em to cover his mouth for a moment with her hand.

"Shhh, you'll wake Lu up." Em whispered as Dan kissed her palm again and again. "I'm just saying. That and a full beard. That's how you make your wife happy. The whole daddy looks suits you."

"Fine. Anything else?" Dan asked as he took Em's hand off his face and held it against his heart.

"One of those new helmets for my collection."

"You know one is always for you. Anything else?"

Em said no with her head, then got in her tiptoes to kiss her husband's lips to close the deal. One. Two. Three kisses. That was the lucky number. She hated to let it go, but it made her heart warm even more as she looked at her husband kissing their daughter’s forehead carefully to not wake her up. A simple “I love you and see you later, yeah baby girl? Be good with mama while papa’s working, potato” was all Dan whispered while Em couldn’t stop thinking she had done something right in life to get them. No matter how crazy or difficult things were, no matter where they ended up working or living, if Em had her little family things were going to be okay.

---

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[mangocustard16]

It was always you~

| synopsis: Childhood friends Jeonghan and Y/N, separated by distance, find their way back to each other in university, igniting a journey from friendship to love filled with whispered confessions and electrifying moments.

| pairing: non-idol childhood bff!jeonghan x reader

| genre: fluff

| warnings: none

| w.c: 960

| a/n: this is pure fluff, story about how two separated hearts find each other once again.

Jeonghan had always been more than just a friend. He was your confidant, who had stood by your side since childhood. You were childhood friends with a history that spanned back to the early years, making it inevitable that something more profound was bound to happen between you two.

You and Jeonghan met as kids, attending the same middle school. You were inseparable, partners in crime on every adventure that childhood had to offer. You shared secrets, laughter, and countless jokes, forming a bond that no one could understand. Your parents encouraged you to spend most of your childhood together. Sitting next to each other in every class, stealing pens, and scribbling on each other's notebooks.

But as life would have it, high school brought new challenges and new schools. Because of work, his father had to relocate to another city. The separation was tough, and it felt like a piece of your heart was missing without Jeonghan by your side. However, you both had a tacit understanding that this was necessary for your individual growth. The emotional goodbyes were filled with promises to meet again someday.

As time flew by, you found yourself in university, a fresh start in a new city. The transition was a bit intimidating, but you were determined to make the most of it. As you nervously walked into the university campus on your first day, the last person you expected to see stood there, grinning from ear to ear. It was Jeonghan. You ran towards him with open arms and hugged him in a cliche airport reunion style.

"What are you doing here?"

"Are you also going to this university?"

"What courses do you have?"

"Are you staying in the dorms?" you fired away without breaking the hug.

Jeonghan decided to have a little fun with your eagerness. "Oh! I was here just for today; I'll go back by evening.", he said pulling away slightly.

Your face fell, and you sighed, a playful pout forming on your lips. "Oh…"

Seeing your disappointment, Jeonghan immediately regretted his teasing and couldn't bear to see you sad. "I'm just messing with you," he admitted with a chuckle. "I'm really joining this university."

Relief washed over you, and you couldn't help but give his arm a playful slap. "You're mean! " As your eyes met, all those years apart seemed to fade away.

Your friendship was rekindled, and it didn't take long for the sparks of something more to start flying. You started attending classes together, studying together, and going out on adventures just like in the old days.

One evening, you found yourselves at a crowded university party, lost in the sea of strangers. Jeonghan leaned in close, his voice a soft caress against your ear. "We should definitely get out of here. Don't you think so?" he whispered. Your heart raced, and you cursed at yourself for stammering, "Y-yeah, sure. Uh-huh." He chuckled at your shyness, knowing full well the effect he had on you.

His fingers gently brushed against your hand as he extended it towards you, the touch sending a shiver down your spine. It was a small, intimate gesture, yet it spoke volumes about his intentions.

Feeling your cheeks flush with a deep shade of red, you couldn't help but look down, trying to hide your embarrassment. The pounding of your heart reverberated in your ears as you hesitantly slipped your hand into his. With a gentle tug, Jeonghan led you away from the bustling party. The soft strains of music and the chatter of other guests slowly faded into the background as you followed him. You couldn't help but steal glances at him, his profile illuminated by the dim party lights, his smile never leaving his face.

And in that moment, you realised that your heart had long crossed the threshold of being just friends.

Jeonghan's roommate had been relentlessly gushing about how adorable you were. Their praises seemed never-ending, and they had begun to get under Jeonghan's skin. He overheard them talk about your charming smile, your infectious laughter, and the way your eyes lit up when you talked about your passion. Burning with jealousy, he showed up outside your class, leaning against the wall, trying to appear casual despite the racing of his heart.

Jeonghan held your hand, pulling you aside. "We could be more, you know?" he said softly, his eyes locked onto yours. Your heart pounded in your chest, and you feigned ignorance. "Hmmm?" "What do you want us to be other than friends?" you teased. "You know exactly what I want," he whispered back, your cheeks turning a light shade of red.

Your newfound connection led to secret smiles and inside jokes that only the two of you understood. You'd burst into fits of laughter, just like in your childhood, while others stared at you, thinking you were both crazy. But you knew better; you were simply crazy in love.

Another afternoon, Jeonghan playfully caged you between his arms, leaning in so close that your breaths mingled. "I know exactly what you're thinking," he whispered, his lips brushing your ear. You couldn't help but blush, your heart racing. "Wtf?" you thought, but deep down, you knew exactly what he meant. "May I…kiss you?" Your breath catches in your throat and you force yourself to say something, finally making out a small 'yes' before your lips are attached and you forget how to breathe.

It was a journey from friends to lovers, a story of whispered confessions, shared laughter, and electrifying moments that made you realize that, in the end, it had always been him—it had always been Jeonghan. And as you looked into his eyes, you knew that your bond, forged in childhood and tested by time, had evolved into something deeper, something that would last a lifetime.