#and it's all complex and heart-wrenching and we find something in it all

[uncanny-tranny]

Getting emotional reading my textbook which includes images of cadavers - people who likely donated their bodies in order for them to now educate me. It's about learning, it's about care, and it's about supporting each other. I hope that wherever they are, they know I am grateful to all of them. I don't know them, but they now have made such a profound and humbling impact on me

Maybe this is too macabre for some, but those images in my textbook were of my fellow people, and I think it's right to be grateful for their contribution to my education, to me, it is such a selfless and kind act, something I have trouble quantifying. It feels almost holy, something which I am almost unworthy of

[torgawl]

all this time i had headcanoned that neuvi kept an eye on younger wrio with the intention to take care of him and you're telling me it's true? sobbing.

i can't stop thinking about how it probably hurt neuvi so much to issue that sentence to someone so young and so hurt. even furina left the trial and was unable to keep her act. how gut-wrenching it must have been, especially with wrio admitting his crime and accepting punishment so easily. that ammount of resignation in, basically, a kid... it can only come from a place of so much pain. the chance to rewrite his own story and making the fortress his home truly meant so much to wrio. but i also think for someone like neuvillette, who is characterised for his immense love and compassion towards others, it must have been cause for great turmoil to know what was to come, and that the sentence he was issuing was just an extension of that kid's already hard life. the ammount of guilt in his heart versus the impartiality required of him as a tool of justice; in a way, a reiteration of the question that has haunted him throughout his long journey as fontaine's iudex: "is this what justice means to you? answer me, neuvillette!".

no wonder wrio is so fond of the melusines, too. we already knew from his own character story that they were the ones helping him when he spent time in the streets, but to know he wouldn't have made it without that help... of course he cherishes them so much, of course he holds sigewinne in such good esteem - who was likely the closest to a familiar embrace during those harsh days. i find it rather wholesome that wrio doesn't know it was neuvi's doing, too. neuvi was almost his guardian angel, and i'm sure the melusines were also happy to finally be able to do something for a human in need.

i had always wondered if neuvillete's help with giving wriothesley his duke title came from a place of wanting to fix what felt wrong so long ago during that trial because it felt deliberate, like the good deed of someone who intentionally kept an eye for the other and was proud of their journey. having sigewinne confirm neuvi's concern and curiosity with wrio's experience in the fortress is very dear to me. it reminds me of how genuinely happy neuvillette was when he noticed wrio's vision the day he gave wriothesley his title, like a silent aknowledgement of how far wrio had come and the good man he had become. you cannot tell me neuvi wasn't filled with pride seeing that former small hurt kid become someone so genuinely good-hearted, doing something as great as reforming meropide. maybe even relief, seeing things had turned out well for him despite his disturbing past and neuvi's own hand in his fate, in such a heartbreaking way.

their relationship has always been so intriguing to me because there's so many layers of complex feelings throughout their timeline. i find that most people ignore neuvi's struggles with his own 'humanity' and the constant theme of heart versus judgement, and how it likely played a role in his interest in wrio as well as their later nurtured friendship. but i also find wrio's reluctance in accepting neuvi's concern for him quite telling. he's reserved and we don't really get any insight besides what he tells sigewinne and his almost dismissive response, but i am so sure he feels grateful for neuvillette's unconditional support. neuvillette almost filled the empty place wrio's family left behind. not in a literal way, but how he kept an eye out for wrio is akin to how he keeps an eye out for the melusines. and can we talk about how neuvi was likely the first 'human' (in his own perception at the time) or older adult to be consistent in his life? i cannot imagine the weight such 'simple' things like consistency and unconditional love - and i mean this in an all-encompassing way - have for someone with the family-related trauma wriothesley has. wriothesley says it himself, his childhood has left permanent wounds in him, one of which is not being able to trust others. but to be able to find such reliability in someone else, that may also be healing to his inner child. they're very dear to me!!

[keyishacolecat]

do you have any book recommendations? pls i need lots 💙💙

this is such a loaded question friend. but lucky for u, i am procrastinating assignments, my take out has yet to arrive, and i just finished another book!

horror fic has been my choice for the last several books

the centre by ayesha manazir siddiqi is about a young Pakistani woman living in the UK. she's a translator for Urduru films. language and translation are central to this book. people are becoming fluent in a matter of weeks in complex languages.... the centre is gorgeous if not entirely mysterious, magical even. but whats the catch?? beautifully written. vivid details. anisa is a flawed, honest, and genuine feeling mc, as are the people in her life. i just finished it a couple hours ago n i miss my girls.

slewfoot by brom is set in 17th century Connecticut. our protag, Abitha, is not from this town but she does he best to adhere to the Puritan standards, if not for her well being, than that of her husband's. something stirs in the outskirts of the village, in the forest and beyond. she finds help from an unlikely source while also fostering a deep inner power of her own. these characters felt so well thought out, the writing is magnetic and the action is well paced. it puts so many preconceived notions right on their head. i loved this book and can't wait to read brom's other novel, the child thief, a retelling of peter pan and the lost boys!

sister, maiden, monster by lucy a. synder was oh so gay and oh so cosmically horrendous. this is like h.p. lovecraft wasn't a weird racist. this is like if biblically accurate angels were once just women in love. this is horrifying, visceral, and relevant to our COVID world. i was gawking at so many of the details. there are so many monster themes actually, it's perfect. the story is told through 3 povs of 3 different women. and we love women! and horror! i didn't expect to pick this one up but I'm so glad i did.

mary: an awakening of terror by nat cassidy do u know what it's like to be virtually invisible? forgotten? disaffected? do u know the pure joy of having a precious collection, adding to it over time, and it being almost ur only reason for living anymore?? then you're a lot like mary. and mary is a lot like plenty of women who get the chance to live beyond adolescence, who are cast out by society-- deemed invaluable. mary is utterly lost at a time in her life she feels she should have it all figured out. she goes back to her hometown, an ambiguous small town in the middle of the desert, and some unlikely characters help her piece things back together. i finished this book feeling so close to mary. we are friends now. there is mystique, horror, fables, myths, bad guys, mysterious architecture, and well mary is not the most reliable narrator. loved this one too.

the last house on needless street by catriona ward i had no idea where this book was going and i loved piecing the narrative together through several characters and their povs. it forces u to confront ur own biases regarding mental health. u are sympathetic to the characters in the most painful, heart wrenching ways. there is murder. there is mystery. there is missing children. there are cats. this book surprised me and it was fun to have to find a couple reddit threads to be sure i was understanding the story correctly. i felt like i read this kind of fast! which is always fun too.

brother by ania ahlborn this one pissed me off a bit. but in a good way because i was so deeply invested. this one is set in Appalachia. i'm not one for stereotypes, especially bc i think Appalachians have a bad rep and it's of no fault of their own. that being said, the insular feel of the book and the absolute claustrophobia those mountains create in this story were like a character in it of itself. our protag, michael, knows there's something beyond. he's seen them on colorful postcards. but his own mind and his own heart seem utterly trapped here. this one is heartbreaking. it's horrifying. and it'll make u dizzy from the amount of times u change ur mind. excited to read her other novel, Seed, because this one stuck with me so much!

a couple honorable mentions that fit the theme:

the vegetarian by han kang korean food. infidelity. art. nightmares. inexplicable mindfucks! this story was scary because it felt very.. possible? no monsters this time. no spells. just... the mind deteriorating. could happen to any of us.

a certain hunger by chelsea g. summers what if girlbossing is just a quick pivot from sociopathy?? what if the crimes are so much more gratifying than say, fame or fortune or even love?? women can be sociopaths too, you know!! this one is fun bc the protag is crazy and it's fun to slip into these characters. cathartic even. omg did i mention, she's a foodie too! just like me :-)

[staycalmandhugaclone]

If you're new, this all starts with Touch Starved - Echo! You can read this little chunk as a standalone, or head back to the beginning for the full experience!

This takes place after the Muzzled series and references Flinching and Touch Starved part 5.

Febuwhump Day 1.5 Part 2

Touch-Starved – Crosshair - Nothing's easy with Crosshair, but after a joke goes too far, he and Doc manage to find a deeper trust in each other.

Warnings: More cursing, panic attack

WC: 4,1117

The heavy padding of the crash seat restraints was deceptively comfortable. I could hear the indecipherable words of Tech and Echo murmuring from the cockpit, unhurried voices a gentle hum atop the Marauder’s engines. Hunter, if his body was feeling kind, was resting in the bunk room. I wasn’t sure where the other two were, but the gentle quiet of the ship was a rare treasure that I found myself too happy to merely exist in.

My eyes had just started to close when something shifted nearby, attention reluctantly glancing to my right. Crosshair sat in the seat to my right, hand stretched toward me though his attention remained pointedly locked on the door to the kitchenette.

I stared groggily at his open palm for a moment, brows furrowed before hesitantly reaching for him. Studying him with a confused weariness, I slowly let my fingers slip through his. His eyes darted down to our hands in a split second of confusion before wrenching away from me with a scowl.

“I’m not asking to hold your kriffing hand.” He snarled, and I felt my eyes close in a slow blink as I drew in a deep, mediated breath, mind still freeing itself from the fringes of sleep.

“Kay, so, what are…” My jaw fell open with a silent ‘oh’, head falling heavily back against the seat. “Words. Crosshair. We use them for a reason.” There was just a faint hint of impatience in my groan, but I was already pushing the harness of dense foam away from my chest. “Sit.” I mumbled before he’d risen more than in inch from his seat, hand quickly reaching out to settle atop his forearm.

For a moment, I thought he’d been so affronted between my initial misunderstanding and subsequent frustration that he’d refuse, but, lips bunched, yielded beneath my touch, and the beginnings of a smile warmed my face as I pulled his arm toward me, gently easing the glove and vambrace free.

There was something captivating about his hands; the play of powerful tendons dancing below thick veins that stretched up the dense muscle of his forearm, the long, dexterous fingers tipped in neatly kept nails and coarse calluses; the way he melted as soon as I dragged my thumb along the center of his palm. He resisted for a moment, but I could see the tension slip from those narrowed eyes, brows abandoning that signature furrow before, finally, he let himself sink back into the chair, head resting contently against the worn padding.

My chest swelled at the sight of his eyes slipping shut, shoulders just beginning to slouch as he let out a deep breath. It had been months since he first let me touch him like this when his wrist was caught in that vine, and he’d seemed even more keen to avoid me after he’d been captured; after I’d had to subject him to that painful treatment because he’d hidden the severity of his injuries; after he’d said those hurtful words that still made my heart clench every time I thought of them.

Now, however, I granted myself permission to treasure this moment: he’d come to me. Without prompt or pain, he’d come to me for the simple pleasure of my touch. I noted the way his breath stilled against the threat of some small grunt or moan as I deftly worked over each finger in turn; the flush of gooseflesh as I meticulously isolated and manipulated the complex network of bone and tendon in his wrist; the way his jaw slackened ever so slightly as I kneaded the wiry muscles of his forearm; the softness in his eyes when he stole that brief glance at me as I finished with slow, sweeping movements up to his elbow and down to the his fingertips.

Carefully setting that limp hand atop his knee, I quietly stood and moved to the seat at his other side, lips still lifted into a gentle smile.

“Would you like me to do this one, too?” I asked, already holding my palm up in invitation. Without a word, he merely nodded and set his other hand in mine, watching in silence as I freed that limb of armor as well.

This time, a tiny grunt did manage to escape him at that first flush of relief from my thumbs dragging firmly along the length of his palm. I heard the click of his jaw slamming shut, but refused to let myself react even enough to glance toward him in hopes of catching sight of a flush creeping up his neck. For any other reason, I’d have gleaned no end of humor from causing the reserved man to blush, but not now; not for this. As I repeated the unhurried worship of his hand, I wanted him comfortable. I wanted him to know that, as long as he trusted me in this way, he was completely safe from any judgement or ridicule, that he was free to enjoy this – that I wanted him to enjoy it as shamelessly and candidly as he could.

“You know,” I murmured quietly as my hands finally stilled around him, letting that final touch linger for just a moment longer, “I don’t just give hand massages. Holding that rifle up all day can’t be comfortable. Are you ever going to let me touch your back again?” I knew I was pushing him, but hoped the gentle cadence of my words and the deep calm still evident in the laxed set of his face might be enough to rid those final whispers of reluctance.

His gaze fell to where my thumb continued shifting absently atop his palm, attention briefly captivated by the gentle touch, before drawing movement back into his own hand, fingers leisurely stretching out and then closing just enough to curl lightly atop my skin. Without a word, he pulled the limb away from me, retrieved his gear, and, with easy, unrushed strides, retreated to the cockpit.

I let out a slow sigh. While his refusal wasn’t surprising enough to even warrant any real disappointment, I still felt the smallest note of failure. He didn’t trust me enough yet, but there was hope.

-

“That was the problem,” Echo groaned, hand dragging over his face, “Captain Rex knew he’d snuck her into the barracks, that’s why Heavy wasn’t able to distract him with the whole ‘existential crisis’ diversion!”

“So, you was jus’ as confused as she was?!” Wrecker snorted.

“I had no idea what was happening!” He burst with a note of helpless that only fueled mine and Wrecker’s mirth. I’d found myself nestled on my back atop the foot of Hunter’s cot, legs stretched up for my feet to press absently against the bottom of Crosshair’s bunk despite the snarl I knew I’d get if he walked in to see me like that as Wrecker and I listening to the arc recount some of the misadventures his brother roped him into. I couldn’t dismiss the worry that Wrecker might find inspiration in his retellings, but still found myself giggling right alongside the man.

“Fives just said he was calling in a favor – a favor I didn’t owe him, and shoved her in my boot-locker because everyone else’s was too cluttered for her to fit! And then the Captain came in almost the second he closed the lid.”

“And so-so Rex just…” I stammered.

“He was there for hours! I thought the poor girl was going to suffocate! Then he just walks right up to me, kicks my locker, and asks her if she wants to come out yet. I’ve never seen Fives look so defeated!” I let my head tilt back over the edge of Hunter’s bed, body shaking with howls of laughter.

“Having fun?” Face still distorted in a beaming grin, I turned to see Hunter staring pointedly at me, arms looped across his chest, and quickly caught my lips between my teeth.

“Just keeping it warm for you, Serg.” I replied coyly. His eyebrow hitched, but gave no further reply as he watched me quickly roll to my feet. Stretching my arms lavishly over my head, I met his deadpan stare with a look of mock innocence. He relented with a small smirk before nodding toward the back of the ship.

“Tech’s sending our inventory list out when we change hyperlanes. Anything else you need to add?” There was a fondness in his voice that softened the routine question and drew my lips into a small smile.

“Everything should be up to date, but I’ll do another count just to be sure.” I answered warmly knowing that, while I was meticulous in recording what supplies I used, the occasional tube of bacta or roll of bandages still went missing now and then when they elected not to ‘bother’ me with ‘smaller injuries’. He gave an approving nod as I shot Wrecker and Echo a farewell glance before making my way through the ship.

I already had the inventory pulled up on my datapad as I walked through the medbay doors, scrolling through to quickly note what we should be fully stocked with as an easy place to start. I’d made it halfway across the room before my body reacted in a flurry of panic. There was no conscious acknowledgement of the figure leaning in the corner just beside the door, no thought before my arm snapped out to launch the datapad at him with every ounce of force the muscles could manage, no difference in that fleeting moment of terror between the elegant form of the sniper and the memory of that wretched mercenary as my throat closed around a strangled gasp, legs tangling beneath me in a desperate rush to throw myself away from him, to steal even a whisper of distance more between us before crashing back against the cot.

He caught the datapad effortlessly, brows raising in a mocking look that should have brought a flush of embarrassment to my cheeks, but I couldn’t begin to focus on that, heart fluttering painfully against my chest in a ceaseless race to flood my veins with adrenaline.

“Dank Farrik! Crosshair!” The curse erupted from me in a shout I gave no effort in restraining, “Enough with the lurking about in my karking medbay! You want to give someone a heart attack, choose someone who’s not in charge of saving your ungrateful hide every time you lot come up with some suicidal plan!” The tiny smirk he had just enough sense to at least try to bite back only fueled my rage. One hand clutched to my chest as though it might somehow prevent my heart from bursting through my sternum, body rocking beneath violently panting breaths, I dragged my other hand through my hair, fingers clawing against my scalp.

“What do you want?” I could hear the strain in my voice as I struggled to force back some of that unrelenting panic, wide eyes locked on his, and I watched that initial humor slowly fade from the sharp features of his face, brows just drawing together as he studied me with something bordering surprise; concern.

“Thought I’d take you up on your offer.” It took a moment for my mind to make sense of those suddenly hesitant words. My offer… Had it really just been earlier that day that he’d finally come back to me to work the tension from his hands; when I’d voiced that gentle invitation to treat his back with the same healing touch? Mouth hanging open slightly, I let my gaze fall away from him, jaw shifting in a vain attempt to loosen the taut muscles.

A massage… He’d been waiting in here for a massage. I wanted to be thrilled. I wanted to feel the exhilaration of a relief I knew should have accompanied this gesture of confidence and faith, but I felt only that awful cold; the chill of fear surging down my arms and legs, robbing sensation from my fingertips and prickling atop my scalp with that nauseating urge to run. I tried to focus on a slow, controlled breath, fighting the way the air shuttered through slightly pursed lips.

“Yeah,” I sighed, nearly cringing at the initial weakness in the word before starting again, “Yeah, of course…” My throat shifted awkwardly in an attempt to swallow back the lingering stiffness, a hum catching on my next exhale as I tried to force my mind into some semblance of stability. “Your- go ahead and take your armor off. You can… just stack it over on the counter.” My hand motioned vaguely across the room before I turned to retrieve my oils.

He was still for a moment, and my hair bristled at the sensation of his attentive gaze following me, but I refused to acknowledge it. I couldn’t waste this chance. If I turned him away now, he may never let himself reach out again. I just needed to convince my heart to slow, to remember that as long as I was aboard this ship surrounded by these men, I didn’t need to be afraid.

As I listened to Crosshair finally begin to walk toward the far wall, however; as I quickly chose an oil and began warming it to a soothing temperature, I couldn’t force the tremble from my breath, couldn’t slip free of that violent need to scan every corner of the room; to lock the door and bar it with everything I could physically move. My teeth ground beneath that crippling frustration, mind screaming in rage at this pointless panic, glare burring into the violent tremors still seizing through my hands, and I wanted to sob at that sharp hurt of defeat.

“Crosshair,” My voice sounded so small as I reluctantly called his name, and I couldn’t bring myself to look at him as he immediately stopped moving. “I-” The word caught in my throat, every fiber of my body rebelling against the wretched truth clawing up my throat, “I can’t.” I finally forced it out on a barely audible whisper, chest lurching with a sharp inhale immediately after in a rushed attempt to explain, to somehow prevent this from pushing him away, “Um, I just… just give me a minute, okay?” It sounded like I was begging him, and that almost made it worse, but I couldn’t force that plea from my words, fingers digging into the edges of the countertop, “I’ll come find you in a bit… just… just give me a…” My teeth ground against the way my lungs tried to shutter around the words, chin ducking against my chest, eyes clenching shut in that futile attempt to focus on steadying my breath.

Once more, I heard him go still, felt the intensity of his gaze burning into me, felt my stomach churn amidst that suffocating silence that rent the air around me to sludge. When he retrieved his armor and quietly saw himself from the room, I finally let my legs fold beneath that crushing weight, knees crashing to the hard floor as my torso seized around desperate, gasping breaths, arms locking fast about my chest. I barely noticed my feet scrambling beneath me until the corner of the room pressed against my shoulders, body yielding beneath that fear as my gaze tore around me for any sign of a threat before darting to the sleek durasteel of the door.

I couldn’t bring myself to move for a long while, trapped in the certainty that that panel would slide open at any second. I wanted to be sick. I wanted to shout at myself for the uselessness of this panic. I wanted to mourn the potential damage done to that delicate wisp of trust I’d so nearly gained, but, for those long, agonizing minutes or hours or seconds, I could only cower, hidden pressed into the corner, and wait.

When my limbs finally back to unlock, when exhaustion slowly won out over that fear and I felt the first whispers of clarity reluctantly returning to my thoughts, I let myself sink beneath the wretched  understanding of what had happened, of what it could have cost me. I allowed myself a moment longer to breathe before trying to stand.

Groggily, I forced my legs to straighten, shaking them slightly to urge some feeling back into the limbs even as I scowled at the eminent sting of static prickling through newly awakened nerves. What emotion had filled those piercing eyes in the final seconds before he’d left? Disdain? Annoyance? Indifference?

I watched my fingers tap absently atop the chilled counter, no longer plagued by that uncontrollable tremble. The weariness dragging against my movements was an annoyance, but one I could overlook. We’d surely be falling out of hyperspace soon, and I still owed Hunter an updated inventory. Resolving to grant myself only that menial task as some justifiable delay before forcing myself from the room, I tried to use those few minutes to let my mind fall into a thoughtless quiet. There was no point in fretting over the potential of damage done, and blaming myself for it was a pointless misery.

-

“Cross?” His attention snapped toward me from where he’d been absently dragging a cloth over the visor of his helmet, legs curled tightly beneath him atop the thin mattress of his cot, but he offered no further response at those frightfully insightful eyes locked onto me. I didn’t shy from his gaze, standing quietly just beyond the doorway of the bunkroom. Without a word, I nodded subtly over my shoulder before turning and starting back toward the medbay, ears straining to catch any hint of sound to confirm he was following, and the relief that burst through my chest at the near silent thud of his feet hitting the floor drew a quick sigh from my lips.

I’d already sent the updated list to Tech, confirming there had been a mysterious discrepancy between my records and our physical inventory, and, in an act of either hope of denial, had begun warming my oils before leaving to find the intimidating sniper.

“Let me know if there’s a particular spot that’s bothering you. Otherwise, I’ll just start with your back and shoulders, and go from there.” I told him lightly as though nothing at all had happened earlier. “You can either lay down on your stomach or just sit if that’s more comfortable for you.” Granting him some hint of privacy, I kept my back to him as he slowly began freeing himself of that heavy armor once more, but, when those sounds quieted, I turned to find him still covered in his blacks.

“I didn’t peg you as being self-conscious.” I teased gently. “You’re not going to take your shirt off?”

“Last time I did that, you stabbed me.” The look of unabashed disbelief that quickly stole over me was almost enough to completely rid even the memory of my earlier episode, mouth falling open in a silent gasp.

“You were losing sensation in your hands.” I reminded him pointedly with a scoff, “My deepest apologies for thinking that was something you might prefer to avoid.” His lips twitched in something between a smirk and a scowl, but he let his fingers slip under the hem of his shit and drag it smoothly up his torso. I pointedly turned my attention to my supplies. Unlike Wrecker, I didn’t doubt the man before me would not only notice the flash of appreciation warming my cheeks, but also make absolutely certain that I knew he’d noticed.

Flask of oil in hand, I turned to find him settling comfortably atop the cot, arms folded up to rest his forehead on. Maker, the man was a wealth of immaculately defined muscle; the rich caramel of his skin, though slightly lighter than his brothers, still granted a stunning display of warmth as it danced with the unhurried ebb and flow of his breath.

Steps purposefully quieted, I made my way toward him, pouring a dollop of oil onto my palm before setting the container down carefully at my feet. In sure, gentle motions, I let my hands trail atop the ridge of muscle sweeping up his shoulders to the base of his neck before stretching down the length of his spine, and I couldn’t help but note the threat of tension he was purposefully fighting back.

“Normally, I’d lead you through a breathing exercise,” I murmured warmly, “though, given your specialty, I have a sneaking suspicion it might be a bit rudimentary for you.” He responded with a dismissive grunt, but offered nothing more; so I merely turned my attention back to the elaborate interplay of sculpted muscle before me, subtly beginning to add weight to the long, sweeping strokes in hopes of easing that tension from him so I could really begin.

“I’m sorry.” My body froze at the quiet words, so taken aback for a moment, that even the air stilled in my lungs. “For earlier.” He added as though there was any need to elaborate, and I had to let out a carefully slowed breath before pulling some hint of movement back to my limbs, fingers absently flaring out atop the broad expanse of his shoulders.

“Thank you.” I whispered almost silently, caught for a moment longer in that stillness before drawing my attention back to a gentle rhythm of motion, and my touch shifted slightly to begin targeting that troublesome spot between his shoulder blade and spine. “But I don’t want you to think that was entirely your fault.” I pressed, voice still lowered into a gentle murmur, “You had no way of knowing I’d react like that – I didn’t know I’d react like that.” The leisurely dance of his breath stilled, and I could practically hear the grind of his teeth beneath taut muscles.

“It’s alright, Crosshair.” I promised, heart threatening to burst at the guilt stealing over him. “Just proves that I need to pay more attention to corners.” At that, his head shifted just enough to glance up at me from the corner of his eye, and I didn’t have to force the warm smile that crept over my lips. He hesitated a moment longer before letting himself sink back to the mattress.

Only then, did he finally begin to relax beneath my touch, back occasionally shifting ever so slightly into me as I found dense knots of tangled tissue. Each subtle breath of relief that swept through him as I meticulous worked over every muscle was its own priceless reward, and I found myself all too eager to let my hands move on to continue down the length of each arm in turn before repeating my earlier ministrations to his hands, if only because I knew how the man seemed to favor that touch. I dragged my thumbs along the dense cords of muscle lining his neck until his head rested perfectly limp, and I was thrilled to see him match his breathing to the barely whispered count automatically sighing from my lips.

Finally, I let my hands rest quietly against him, and the stillness that followed was a gentle presence neither of us seemed willing to break for a long while. When he dragged his hands beneath him to push himself up, I merely let my touch slip away in the wake of his motion as he pulled himself to sit on the edge of the bed. He didn’t look at me as he rolled his shoulders, absently testing them in a subtle dance that I couldn’t help but marvel at.

“Better?” I asked, not trying to hide the smile from my voice. His jaw shifted forward, teeth absently catching at the flesh of his inner cheek before giving an almost reluctant nod. “Good.” The depth of my own elation beamed through that single word, and he seemed to quiet further beneath it.

“You know, you’re the first one so far to stay awake.” Lips pulling further into a cheeky grin, I knelt to retrieve my oil. He responded with a dismissive hum, attention following his own arm as he continued aimlessly exploring what was surely an odd weightlessness from the newly loosened limb. “Maybe next time.” I teased. That finally drew his gaze back to me, eyes narrowing into an unamused stare that drew a quiet chuckle from me.

“Thanks.” He nearly mumbled the quiet word as he began dragging his shirt back over that stunning display of elegant muscle.

“Anytime.” I answered, forcefully dragging my attention away from the final glimpse of golden skin, and my heart dropped at the subtle hitch of his brow as those damn eyes stared pointedly at mine. Kriff.

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[ateez-himari]

NEW K-DRAMA: WHERE WE FALL

Warning: Talks of survivor's guilt, and reference to dark thoughts

[Sunshine Duo taking on Heart Wrenching Roles]

On September 29 a new Korean drama series made its way onto the big screens starring two idols from K-Pop group ATEEZ, main dancer Jeong Yunho and lead vocalist Min Himari.

When nineteen year old Aerin (Min Himari) finds herself as the sole survivor of a mysterious house fire that claimed her twin brother's (Lee Do Hyun) life due to a late practice that had kept her from going home, she can't help but to feel as though she should have died with him, as though she should have saved him. Despite countless therapists reaching out after the tragedy it seemed as though nothing or no one could pull her through this case of survivor's guilt nor help dissipate the visions of her brother appearing in her daily life all the way into insomnia inducing nightmares. Once a bright presence she begins turning to seclusion and unhealthy activities to distract herself from the overwhelming grief, much to her best friend Jae-Won's (Jeong Yunho) despair. The more he reaches out to her, the angrier Aerin begins to get with him and the further she pushes him away, her actions growing in recklessness by the day. But Jae-Won refuses to give up on her. Will he manage to save her...or will she drag him down with her when she finally falls off the deep end ?

The bandmates appeared in the magazine 'Singles Korea' in order to promote the series where they later met with an interviewer who talked with them about their experience. When asked about the difficulty of portraying a character with such a dark and complex story, Himari said "I was really nervous at first because I wasn't sure if I could convey such a complex mental health struggle so I monitored every scene very closely to make sure I had every detail down."

Much like the maknae, Yunho shared similar feelings of nervosity regarding his role by stating "Even though it wasn't my first acting project, the concept was much darker than Imitation's so I found it to be a really intimidating role. The longer filming went on though, the easier it became to sink myself into the story and my character."

(Spoiler ahead)

The pair agreed that one of the most memorable scenes was the last argument in which Aerin steps onto her apartment's balcony ledge only to be stopped by a horrified Jae-Won, leading the girl to finally break down in front of her best friend after a few moments of protest. In their opinion the key point in this part of the drama is the embrace they share, Jae-Won's hands running down Aerin's body in order to comfort her whilst she clings on to him for dear life, pulling herself as close as possible to the man who had so desperately fought to save her. "Even after the director yelled 'cut', Hima(ri) was still holding on to me and crying, that's how emotional the scene was" said Yunho. "I found this very...draining in a way because I found many similarities between our experiences so the story took me over completely. At the end I had no idea why I was crying, I just couldn't stop." Himari added.

Something that a lot of fans are most likely wondering about whilst watching the series is how everything was filmed despite their tour's grueling schedule, not to mention side activities. According to both actors this project had been in the works for quite a while now so they had filmed majority of it prior to their schedules, what little was left being filmed on days off. Himari's view on it is "Even though it was a tiring project at times I feel like it was worth every moment because it was an amazing experience. I'm also very proud of what we created and I hope the fans will enjoy it too." To this, Yunho agreed and continued with "I'm glad we got to see it through to the end and am really thankful to be given an opportunity to take on a more challenging role. I personally can't get tired of the story no matter how many times I had read and monitored it."

Finally it was noted that they also had quite the romantic tension throughout the series, one that even ended with the two of them sharing a kiss amidst their tears. The strong on screen chemistry was explained by Himari "It was slightly awkward at first to be close in such an intimate manner but I feel comfortable with him (Yunho) and we're very close in real life so we managed to work through it." They both recalled being flustered whilst reading the script and having to film this scene more than any others as they kept shying away or laughing. Yunho said "Having her on my lap was already very...strange but then when production said we had to kiss we couldn't seem to keep our composure."

Overall the hard work and emotions put into this series by its actors is sure to capture viewers' hearts to bring them into a rollercoaster of emotions. Stream 'Where We Fall' on Netflix.

[madrone33]

Ok, so heavy SPOILER WARNING for Pjo episode 6! And the rest of the show since I have read the book! Just, y’know, there’s your warning.

I’d also like to preface this by saying this post will be a rambling, not at all ordered, completely unscripted, kinda-rant kinda-essay of my thoughts on the episode, which means it is inherently biassed and completely composed of my thoughts, feelings, and opinions! None of this is fact, and I’m not trying to force my opinion on you. If you think differently or disagree, that’s completely fine! I would hate to live in a world full of clones of myself lol

With that out of the way, onto whatever this will turn out to be!

Ok, so I really liked the Hermes scene. That part was well written and acted. The family drama and guilt and blame is this show is really complex and everyone just needs multiple hugs tbh. Also, seeing a bit of Hermes’ powers was interesting.

I’m intrigued to know more about Percy’s flashback, while at the same time dreading it because I know it’ll be something heart wrenching and traumatic for poor Percy.

Hermes not agreeing to help them was a kinda foregone conclusion; it would be way too easy for them if he just let them into the Underworld, and we can’t make things easy for them now, can we :D

The Kronos stuff was cool to see, with Luke desperately covering his ass lmao, and Percy confiding in Annabeth. The slight change in Iris Messaging, with them not needing water and using a crystal instead was good. Both that it saved time and that it’s more believable. If your one communication tool is rainbows, of course you’d carry around a portable crystal to make ‘em.

It does make me wonder if they’re ever going to explain that technology - as in phones - makes it easier for monsters to find you. ‘Cause currently I… don’t think that’s been made clear to non-book audiences? Maybe I missed it in an earlier episode? Idk.

The scene where they released the trafficked animals was funny, and Grover completely overlooking if humans would get hurt and only thinking of the animals was a nice touch. I get why they didn’t show the animal abuse explicitly, even if I liked how in the books it was shown more clearly.

Them actually realising that the Lotus Hotel is connected to the Lotus Eaters from the Odyssey was good. I like how they’re identifying the threats faster in the show, whereas in the book they really fell for the monsters’ traps a lot. And the fact that they were on guard and were thinking that it was the food to watch out for added a different kind of danger than the books, where it was more just the readers sensing something wrong and hoping they’d not get trapped.

I like that the Lotus was actually being pumped into the air the whole time. And the fact that Percy and Annabeth being together helped them remember what they were actually there for vs Grover being alone and succumbing quicker was logical.

I didn’t like what they did with Grover so much. Him finding a fellow Satyr and trying to talk to him the way that he can’t to Percy and Annabeth was sad, but then, uh, idk he kinda just felt a bit useless? And the Satyr (who’s name I’ve completely forgotten oops) I think was supposed to be seen as funny? But he was… not. He wasn’t funny. And Grover was just very meh.

Like, this is one of those instances where I would’ve liked for them to change it from the books. In the books they all get split up become slowly addicted to the games in the Lotus Hotel and all that, and then Percy snaps out of it and he goes to wake up Annabeth and Grover, and they find Grover playing something like ‘Destroying Humanity’ and then drag him out of there. Which is basically what happens here, but it’s just-

They’ve changed so many other things for the better, turning moments from a randomness scene to a character beat. And I think they tried to do that by adding the Satyr and the ‘Finding Pan’ game, but it just. Didn’t work for me. He was just kinda there and did basically nothing and, like.

Ok ok so my main problem with this episode is the lack of tension.

First off, they were more meandering around looking for Hermes, it didn’t seem like they were that worried they might not find him. Like, they literally just wandered around and found him, without asking for any directions from strange people that might’ve given some insight into how sus this place is, or even having a quick montage cut of them jogging around peering into shady places. They just- walk around slowly and then there he is. Incredible.

Second, I know the Lotus is supposed to be like a drug, where you forget things and just focus on feeling good all the time, but I would’ve liked if Grover figured out that it was in the air, or that too much time has passed, and tries to fight it or smth?

Like, he starts to forget, and knows he’s forgetting something important, and tries to find- someone- the people he knows he came here with- not just so they can help him remember but to warn them that they were wrong, and it’s not just if you eat the food it’s everywhere and they need to go because the time- it’s all slipping away and he can’t let them be trapped here-

But something or someone stops him, hold him back, makes it so he can’t, and slowly he starts to forget why he’s fighting or what he’s fighting for and then he succumbs, and the switch you can see in him from scared-determined-panicked to dazed-confused-happy is terrifying.

And now we viewers are on the edges of our seats, because now we know that Percy and Annabeth are in so much more danger than we thought, and now there’s a time limit, and now Grover is trapped in his own mind slowly losing himself, and now we’re wondering when it’s going to start happening to Percy and Annabeth too, and now we really need them to realise and save Grover and get the fuck out of there before it’s too late-

But uh, yeah, we… didn’t get that. Instead it was almost- portrayed as comical? Like, there wasn’t a lot of weight put on it.

Old man Satyr keeps forgetting ha ha ha. Oh Grover’s forgetting too? Wow it’s gonna be super hard to get out of that one! Oh, no it’s super easy. Barely an inconvenience! Oh really? Yeah, Percy and Annabeth have barely started to forget anything important, and then they happen to look up and see the Satyr and get reminded of Grover. And then there’s a super short chase scene and then jump cut to them finding Grover playing video games and oh funny, he doesn’t remember them! But it’s fine, it actually doesn’t matter, they get him and go and he remembers on his own a few minutes later! 😀

Speaking of; I might have missed something but did Annabeth do anything at all during that chase scene? Like, I think she went another route to try and cut him off, but then she just kinda disappears, Percy tackles him, and she never shows up…? Idk, I’ll rewatch it sometime, but as of now it’s very strange in my mind.

The car scene was kinda funny, but again, not a lot of tension at all.

(Though as someone learning how to drive that scene made me cringe because of how relatable it was lmao. Honestly, Percy drove way too well for a first timer in a crowded parking lot, and the fact that he actually made that turn decently well? Yeah, someone give him a pat on the back lol.)

… Okay so I just thought of something that is unrealistic and wildly deviating from the books to the point that it’s basically just fanfic, but hey, they deviated anyway when they introduced Hermes this early and it’s my shitty tumblr post so - imagine if there was a car chase. There. I said it. If you’re going to make Percy drive a basically stolen taxi through Los Angeles, fucking commit and make him have to outrun the cops/some monster until they manage to activate whatever makes the car teleport!

Like, do an ‘IKEA after dark’ situation where things are all happy go lucky in the club at first, and then after they talk to Hermes and the Lotus starts effecting them, shit starts to get weird, and the patrons around them start becoming strange, and there’s a creeping sense of wrong wrong wrong as they rush to find Grover and then they find him but he’s wrong, and he looks at them like they’re strangers and they don’t know how to fix it, so all they can do is grab him and run, barely remembering where they’re going or why, but they’re holding themselves together, and when one starts to slip the others are there to haul them forward and remind them what they’re doing.

They have car keys in hand, and they might not know how to drive but fuck it they need to go, so bring on the dramatic dark lighting and wild driving and many bumpy, jerky, shit-we-almost-ran-over-something-important escapades, sirens closing in behind them and then he takes a wrong turn and stares wide eyed into the headlights of an incoming truck, flinches back, eyes slaming shut and-

Silence broken only by crashing waves. Insert Santa Monica scene after slightly hysterical laughter because holy fuck they survived.

… Um, yeah soz, idk where that came from lmao.

Moving on! So, I didn’t mind them getting Hermes’ car too much. Like, hell yes she pickpockets a god. But I didn’t like the way that Annabeth got the keys. Like, he’s the God of Thieves and she’s pretty smart. No way she wouldn’t realise that he let her take them.

A way to make it better would’ve been if he’d done some subtle shit, and she’d done some subtle shit, and then it was shown with some shots that here he puts his keys in this pocket, and then a few shots later maybe she brushes past him, or she “leaves” the room but you can fuzzily see pot plant leaves moving in the background if you know to look for it, and then boom, no more keys in his pocket, and when Percy catches up with her she reveals that Hermes let her take them, and we’re like “ahh, of course, can’t help directly but isn’t stopping them if they take initiative, cool cool.”

But nope. She got they keys, thinks she somehow stole them without his knowledge, and then it’s revealed that, duh, he knew, and they’re just like, welp, guess we should’ve known! Yeah. You should’ve. Annabeth is just- not? She’s just not? Like this? This isn’t how she would- do stuff. She’s smarter than that.

But see what I mean? No tension. Need to find Hermes, oh there he is. He won’t help them, but they got his keys. Lost Grover, but found him almost right away. Don’t know how to drive, but whatever lets go. Grover lost his memory, but nah he’s got it back just fine.

Yeahhh. Idk it just felt weirdly lacking.

What also felt weirdly lacking was the reveal that the Solstice has passed and the gods are going to war.

So, most of that underwater bit wasn’t how the books went, but I’m kinda withholding judgement on how I feel depending on how the next two episodes handle it.

The deadline being up and the gods already going to war? I don’t like it, but yeah, I can see how it might work with the themes laid out.

This isn’t just a war, it’s a family fighting, and instead of Percy just doing it because it’s The Quest, this - his father releasing him from the quest, and Ares telling him it doesn’t matter and they’d go to war regardless of it the Bolt is found, and everyone saying it’s not his place - it gives Percy agency because he’s choosing to forge ahead and save his mother, and find the bolt, and save this family he’s become a part of from itself. It’s his choice now. I can see why they made that change.

Though for some reason the pacing was weird, and the reveal that war was literally upon them was… eh? Like, “oh btw you’re too late and now we’re going to war.” “Huh, interesting, but I’m still going.” Like I said; lack of tension. There’s just no real urgency. It went really fast, or maybe too slow? Idk, there was just something missing.

The four pearls thing? I was very thrown by that, and I’m still pretty uncertain on if that’ll remove all the tension in the Underworld part. Because the whole conflict is if he’ll choose going after the Bolt and saving the Olympians? Or will he choose his mother and doom them to war?

If he has four pearls, then he can do both, which means zero stakes. But I’ve read some other people’s opinions, and I agree that one of those pearls is definitely getting lost/broken/used up before he can give it to her, which means this was done to raise hopes and then bring them crashing down, so I’m withholding judgement and hoping that it won’t be too contrived.

And I don’t like that Poseidon basically says he wants Percy to save Sally too, because a huge part of Percy’s dilemma was that the gods didn’t understand or agree with Percy wanting to save his mum.

Poseidon being on Percy’s side certainly serves the themes the episode set up, with Hermes wanting to be there for his family and failing, this time with Poseidon trying to be there for Percy and Sally, and hopefully succeeding. But it just feels like Percy isn’t as alone as he should be, which is good for him as a person, but bad from a writing standpoint because it makes it feel too easy.

In the books, it’s kinda an act of rebellion, that he would even think of choosing a mortal over the gods, but here he’s… not? Because the gods - or at least Hephestus, Hermes and Poseidon - are on his side. So he’s not choosing a mortal over the gods, he’s just saving his mum, and half the gods have given him the thumbs up to do it.

Not saying they weren’t secretly supporting him in the books too, but Percy didn’t think they were. He felt alone. He felt the pressure of the consequences that would come with whatever descision he made. In the show he’s not really going against the gods, because the gods are actively endorsing him. Which means, say it with me, no tension.

Anyway, like I said: withholding judgment. I'll see how the next ones go, and then come to a proper conclusion based on a complete picture.

Also, side note: When the nereid said, “What belongs to the sea can always return” all I was thinking was the musical and Poseidon’s goofy ass voice saying “It’s a SeAShElL” 😂

Oh and btw, the graphics/makeup/cgi of the nereid was well done to my untrained eye. I have no idea about how it’s done, or if it’s actually shitty in the professional sphere, but I thought it was pretty, so- thumbs up from me.

Though the whole scene at the beach and swimming to her was so dark I literally had to turn my tv’s brightness up to see what was happening, which I also had to do with the Theme Park last episode, and I almost did with the Minatour. Man, they really have a problem with lighting during the night scenes.

But just throughout the whole episode, there's just this feeling of non-urgency. Like, in the episode where time is the most important thing, it... doesn't really feel like it matters all that much.

Um, yeah. I think that was all I wanted to say…

In conclusion, I liked Hermes, aaand not much else. It was still a fun episode, but just all round pretty iffy plot wise. Rip.

I shall leave this with saying WE FINALLY GOT WISE GIRL!! 🥳

[femboymilkovich]

Hiiii, Sarah! It’s been a while since I’ve found myself in the inbox of my mutuals with a thoughtful question about our boys. However, we’re preparing for the hurricane down this way and I’m looking for something to keep me occupied — like talking to all of my beautiful lovely friends!!

So what I want to discuss today is the love language of our boys. What love language(s) do you think they each excel at and which one(s) do they struggle with the most? Do you think their love language(s) have changed since the beginning? Do you think they still excel or struggle with a certain one(s)?

I would also like to pick your brain on your thoughts of how they protect one another — how they protect one another physically, how they protect one another’s peace, how they protect each other mentally, etc! 🩵

— Much love, Chey

Chey! This was such a happy surprise! First, please be safe! But I am happy to indulge <333

Love languages are sooooooo incredibly important to me I'm so glad you asked!

I think mickey best feels loved by words of affirmation, mostly from Ian, I don't really think anyone else's opinion ever truly mattered more to him than Ian's. I think when he finally let the walls fall and let Ian in, he realized how nice it is to be reminded that he is important and worthy of love and admiration. I also think physical touch, both giving and receiving, not just sexually. Casual intimacy, a soft hand down his back to ground him, a firm squeeze on his knee, being able to communicate without words is his safety. I think he searches for the love he should have always had, and was robbed of. Having a violent childhood, he probably felt like he was never going to be given the love he craved, too afraid to be soft and punished for it. Which is why all of the little things, the flirty glances, teasing and joking around with Ian feels so heart wrenching. I think over the years it has definitely changed, I think he was doing a lot of acts of service for ian, especially when he is or was manic. The vitamins, checking him on risky behavior that would hurt him, making sure he takes his meds. Waaaah. I think Mickey has gone through periods of struggling with many aspects of communicating properly with Ian, sometimes intentionally as an act of defiance, but often I think it just boils down to what he was exposed to, never having had a proper example, and he will unintentionally cause hurt. I like to think now, he's much better about it and even if he does do something petty, he will, albeit begrudgingly, he will make it right.

I think Ian's main love language is acts of service, we love service top Ian. I think he feels so fulfilled by helping others, he is so used to being needed, as a son, a brother, a friend and a spouse. He finds purpose in it. We all know he provides that well in the bedroom buuuuuuuuutttttttttt I want to focus on the non-sexual aspects too because those are soooooo important. I think Ian thrives on helping Mickey specifically, helping him unwind at the end of the day, making him dinner, a massage? Hell yeah! I think quality time is another big one for him, as much time as he is willing to put into someone or something, he wants that to be reciprocated back to him, even if its just being present with him, parallel play anyone? 👀

As I mentioned earlier, Mickey often finds himself checking Ian, making sure he takes his meds, makes sure he's taken care of with his mental health which is not an easy thing to do, It is very complex and confusing and stressful, and yet Mickey takes it all. Even if he were the only one, Ian will always have Mickey there to take care of him. Ian is incredibly receptive and is able to pull mickey back down and ground him when he thinks he's about to do something that is not worth his time, or energy.

"Mick, pause" is huge to me, he knows how much hurt Mickey has over his dad, and knows that Terry doesn't deserve the consideration, but it was never for his benefit. He knew in that moment Mickey needed him to help him consider his actions, and made sure to reassure him later that he was proud of him and that he made the right choice and he will always be better than his father for that. His ability to grow, mature and amount to something.

We both know they love a good fight, and they are ready and willing to throw blows with anyone if the other is getting fucked with. Let them have a little violence as a treat!

This was so much fun to do, thank you for asking me! I hope I answered in a way that makes sense!

[jadejedi]

Fantasy Book Review: The Captive Trilogy by C.S. Pacat

JJ’s rating: 4.5/5

How feral did it make me: 5/5

My book reviews

Ahh these books. What can I possibly say about these books that hasn’t been said before? I first read these books not long after the third book, Kings Rising, was published, back in 2016. If I remember correctly, on that first read, I was sort of like, eh, these are good. I like these. And then a bit later, maybe like a year later (?) I went back and reread them and was like “oh my god?? oh my god?? OH MY GOD??!” And now they have become one of my more frequent rereads (like almost once a year), and they are easily the fandom that I most frequently return to in between hyper fixations. I only have these books on Kindle, and they are pretty thoroughly annotated at this point. Book two, Prince’s Gambit, is genuinely one of my favorite books of all time. 

Okay, if you haven’t read these books or heard of them, here’s the summary: Damianos of Akielos, the crown prince of this world’s version of ancient Greece, is captured by his half-brother in a coup and sent to his country’s greatest enemy, Vere, which is this world’s version of, like, a more debauched version of medieval France. Damen is given as a sex slave to the frigid Crown Prince Laurent. The problem? Damen killed Laurent’s older brother, Prince Auguste, five years ago, and if Laurent finds out Damen's true identity, he’ll definitely have him killed. So Damen has to make his way through the complexities of the Veretian court, ruled by Laurent’s uncle, the Regent, while trying to escape before his identity is revealed. 

There are a LOT OF content warnings for these books, but some of them are spoilers, so if you want them, DM me and I will be happy to answer any questions about content. I will say that the first book has a fairly different tone than the later two. The first book really leans in more to the master/slave kink dynamics of the whole story and is more like ~oooh look! So sexy! So provocative!~ The second and third books are more like “here, let me stab you with these heart wrenching revelations and genuine emotions!!!!!” Like the kink dynamics are still there in the later two books, but the tone is much more serious, if that makes sense. I believe C.S. Pacat has sort of talked about how the Captive Prince series was kind of her practice trilogy before writing Dark Rise (book two out now!!), and I think that is most obvious in the first book. 

The relationship between Damen and Laurent is absolutely wonderful. I consider them one of my top two or three OTPs. The hatred. The eventual respect. The yearning. The pining. The LONGING. THE TRUST. Here are some of my favorite (non spoilery) lines (all from book 2 because 2 and 3 have the best lines but the best lines in book 3 are all spoilers):

“It was like being pleased by a thorn bush, feeling fond of every prickle. Another second and he was going to say something ridiculous like that.”

“To get what you want, you have to know exactly how much you are willing to give up.” 

“A kingdom, or this.” (this line lives RENT FUCKING FREE in my mind forever)

These books also have a fairly unambiguously happy ending. The author has published several short stories, which are all very enjoyable.

Due to the content of these books, they are definitely not for everyone, but for me, at least, I think they are brilliant. They are THE enemies to friends to lovers couple, in my humble opinion. Also, there is a fairly large fandom for these books, with some GREAT fan artists and fanfic authors. Truly we are all blessed.

[mythsandheather]

I've been pretty curious about the LO Critical side. I'm asking genuinely but what are the reasons why LO has such a strong anti Fandom.

Do people not like it? I was curious because it seems like a lot of lo critical/anti lo blogs seem to enjoy certain aspects and characters. Is it the author people don't enjoy?

Like I said I'm really being genuine. I think people have the right to have like their own critical space for a free webcomic. It's just interesting because it's like. This Fandom has a second Fandom of people who seem to hate the comic.

The anti community for any fandom is sure to be a complex place that’s usually, in my experience, more built on pain and disappointment than anything else. Pain because something important to you no longer provides comfort, maybe even perpetrates harmful themes for your own personal experiences, and disappointment because this is something you used to love and you wish could be better.

There’s two parts of the anti community for LO. There’s one part that, as you said, still holds some affection for the series, for memories attached to it and for some characters. There’s also another part that, again as you said, straight up just hate it.

I’ll briefly touch on the first part. They can see so clearly how LO could be infinitely better and that’s frustrating. They can see all the flaws they didn’t notice or didn’t want to see before and are exasperated by why it’s allowed to continue this way. Let’s not forget that a significant number of LO’s critics are people who were young teens and read it in their formative years without realising what they were being so carelessly exposed to.

With that realisation, there’s a level of anger and horror at learning what was put in front of them, marketed as safe and heavily promoted at every turn, and it’s only gotten worse over time. That must be an absolutely gut-wrenching thing to feel over something you loved once.

So in that sense, you’re correct; a big part of the anger comes down to Rachel herself and her choices.

Then there’s the other part of the anti fandom, the part that just out and out hates it and always has. This is where yours truly fits in.

Now, I was super active on tumblr during 2014-2017, when fandoms like Steven Universe, FNAF and Undertale were at their peak. I had to learn, trial by fire, how to be real critical of any media I consumed. There is certainly a downside to this, I tend to see the negatives of anything I enjoy first and then find positives later. The upside is it’s certainly been one helluva way to improve my media literacy and spot the bs from a mile away.

A lot of people don’t believe when I say I got skeevy, uncomfortable, gross vibes from LO from chapter one, but I did. I don’t know what it was, but it set me off so bad that I couldn’t get past “her butt is shaped like a heart” and never read it again.

Now I’m willing to admit that this part of the fandom, like me, are the way we are because we were never the target demographic for LO.

Therefore, when it came out and got popular, we were the ones who were absolutely baffled and the ones who got dog piled and called every name under the sun by fans for a long time…that is, of course, until a lot of those fans grew up, realised what they were reading and turned on the series.

As I said, the critical side of any fandom is complicated and this is just my two cents.

I could do a much longer post about how fucking angry I am at Rachel personally for the fact she’s from my country, a country who constantly gets ignored, and given this amazing chance that so many of us wish we could have, yet chose to peddle her self insert x celebrity crush jailbait fantasy.

I could talk all day about how physically sickened I am that she’s taken so many aspects of trauma experiences by myself and millions of others and used it as ignorant, glamourised, fetishised shock-material.

I could go on at length about what a racist, misogynistic, homophobic piece of baggage she is and how she’s permanently done damage to another culture while completely misrepresenting ours…but I won’t.

I’ll just draw more mean art of Persephone’s giant lips and Hades accidentally letting the air out of them with his mosquito nose instead.

What’s Rachel going to do? Draw a goofy, technicolor caricature of me in her comic that’ll blend into the background, be only half finished and look like a recoloured Persephone in her otherwise pristine and totally professional looking masterpiece that’s definitely not losing readers? Oh wait—

[miguelswifey04]

hi! first off, i want to say that i LOVE your writing! always a joy to read.

if it’s not too out of your comfort zone, may i please request a miguel x afrolatina f!reader where they find out that their daughter is embarrassed to speak spanish due to bullying by some peers at school. miguel and reader comfort and reassure her that her culture is nothing to be ashamed of and to never feel like she needs to hide a part of herself to please others

YES!! i love this so so much <3 i’m not sure if i’m considered afro-latina but i am mexican and black sooo i felt this so so much 😭.!!

miguel o’hara x afrolatina! f! reader

summary: your daughter is embarrassed to speak spanish because she is getting bullied at school by her peers but you and miguel give her words of encouragement and step up to make her know she should never feel ashamed or hide her true self.

miguel and you sat at the kitchen table, a worried expression shared between you as you noticed the heaviness in your daughter's eyes. her usual vibrant spirit seemed to be dampened, and you knew something was amiss.

slipping her hand into yours, you softly asked, "is everything okay, mi amor?"she sighed, her voice barely above a whisper. "mami, papi, i..i don't know how to say this, but... i’m embarrassed to speak spanish at school because—i’m getting b-bullied for it…"

your heart wrenched with a mix of sadness and understanding. you exchanged a knowing glance with miguel, both of you silently vowing to provide the love and support your daughter needed.

pulling her close, miguel gently spoke, "mi hija, your culture, your language, and your heritage are beautiful. they should never make you feel small or ashamed. speaking spanish is a part of who you are, and we should celebrate it."

you added, "no debes sentirte avergonzada, mi cielito. tu cultura es un tesoro y no hay ninguna razón para ocultarla. sigue siendo tú misma y nunca te olvides de cuánto te amamos."

her eyes filled with tears, a mix of relief and gratitude, as she realized she wasn't alone in navigating this complex situation. miguel and you were there by her side, ready to support her every step of the way.

over the following days, the three of you worked together to boost your daughter's confidence. you encouraged her to speak spanish at home, creating environments where she felt safe to embrace her culture without judgment or fear.

miguel also reached out to the school, addressing the issue with the teachers and administrators. together, you emphasized the importance of celebrating diversity and educating the students about multiculturalism.

with time, your daughter slowly regained her confidence and found her voice once again. she began to speak spanish with pride, drawing strength from the love and support of her family and community.

as she grew more comfortable in her own skin, she blossomed, becoming a role model for others who felt pressured to hide their culture. miguel and you watched with pride as she embraced her heritage, knowing that she would go on to make a positive impact on the world.

in the face of adversity, your family stood strong, always reminding each other about the importance of self-acceptance and celebrating the diversity that makes each person unique. you created a loving and nurturing environment where your daughter could thrive, never feeling the need to hide a part of herself to please others.

in the end, your daughter's journey taught all of you the power of resilience, love, and the importance of embracing one's own culture and heritage without hesitation or shame. the bond between you grew stronger, as did your dedication to supporting and uplifting one another.

translation:

spanish; "no debes sentirte avergonzada, mi cielito. tu cultura es un tesoro y no hay ninguna razón para ocultarla. sigue siendo tú misma y nunca te olvides de cuánto te amamos."

english: “you shouldn't feel embarrassed, my darling. your culture is a treasure and there is no reason to hide it. it's still yourself and never forget how much we love you.”

tags 🏷️!! @kairiscorner @emiemiemiii @sabcandoit @obi-mom-kenobi @meeom

[jeanmoreaux]

top 9 books

tagged forever ago by @doctorsrose & @rosesau (🫶🫶🫶)

tagging: @lvnchs | @permanentreverie | @tolerateit | @speaknowtv | @henwilsons | @newtmsa | @greenribon | @brimay | @hollyfhumberstone | @tbosas | @alinastarkovz (ofc no pressure <3 would love to hear about your fav books in whatever way you wanna share and if you don't then that's okay too!)

rules: list your top 9 books obviously. like the people before me and probably most people who did this i cheated and put series or several books by the same author as one thing bc rules are made for breaking <3 this is very much both an 'off the top of my head' as well as a 'laboured over this for hours' kind of list that's heavily biased to the present moment.

(1.) all for the game by nora sakavic; i don't even know what to say about this. either you read it and Get why this is on my list or you Don't. and if you haven't read it this is not a recommendation btw. this is just me saying these books did irreparable damage to my developing teenage brain. hit me like no other series probably ever will again because i read this at the Right Time while being the exact right amount of Insane. and just like seed mentioned in her list if you want to know Me and Understand Me then you need to know this series. i am sure there are traces of it in my dna by now.

(2.) the raven cycle by maggie stiefvater; same goes for this one tbh. if you want to know Me and Understand Me then you need to know this series. another instance of Right Time and Right Me. these books burrowed themselves deep into my bones and became a part of my dna. they shaped soo much of my taste in prose, storytelling techniques, tropes, and dynamics. this story and these characters took me apart and put me back together again but rearranged some essential parts inside of me. much like with aftg, i came out of this series irreversibly changed and drenched in blood final girl style.

(3.) frankenstein by mary shelley; a beautifully written story with soooo much room for whatever literary lens you want to apply to it. i know i answered an ask once where i talked about my love for this book in detail but i can't find it. but i found this rant on frankenstein and the creature. i think a lot of my love for this story comes from the fact that i had the chance to work closely with the text several times. but also it's just a heart-wrenching tale about how we define humanity and how love is essential nourishment for the soul. it reminds me of that one quote from the good place: "people improve when they get external love and support. how can we hold it against them when they don’t?" because frankenstein basically answers the question what happens when someone gives you a life you didn't ask for and then opts out of any (emotional) responsibility and leaves you desolate and utterly forsaken.

(4.) the green bone saga by fonda lee; an epic family saga i still think about A Lot. kinda succession without logan but make it fantasy mafia. sibling relationships are a big part of this story too. which if you know me. big fan of that. it's also a series that grows in scope (world building wise) and keeps adding complexity So Naturally it's impressive. amazing storytelling craft at work fr. definitely an underhyped series in my opinion.

(5.) the sword of kaigen by m.l. wang; another fantasy story focusing on family dynamics but also functioning as a character study. it's a self-published work and it shows in the BEST way. there's just something about it that makes me insane one a storytelling level because it breaks so many conventions and you either hate that or love that but no matter your opinion on it i think it's undeniable that this book has some of the best character work written in recent years. i desperately need to reread.

(6.) on earth we’re briefly gorgeous by ocean vuong; another book that fucked me up with its beautiful prose and incredibly gut-wrenching emotional honesty. it really feels like you're reading about someone ripping out the most vulnerable and messed up and complex parts of their soul and laying them bare for you to see expecting nothing but acknowledgement in return. and while my own lived experience is nothing close to ocean vuong's the emotional core of this book rings so true. also i just have to say it again. the prose fucks severely.

(7.) the grisha trilogy & the six of crows duology by leigh bardugo; another (two) series i read in my teens that shaped my taste to a drastic degree. the crows are just forever ingrained in my brain. alina's story will forever fuck me up. you all know. you all understand. w're not getting into it. i think the fact that tgt is so misunderstood and undervalued just makes me love it more. because if you get it. damn. devastating. if you don't. so sorry for you because you're missing out.

(8.) the song of achilles & circe by madeline miller; tbh both of these retellings did something to my brain. you all know these i don't have to elaborate. it's very typical queer of me to fawn over anything to do with greek mythology and retellings but. these two just HIT different. also, the prose? makes me a little insane.

(9.) giovanni’s room by james baldwin; this book has some of the most insane prose i have ever read. baldwin's grasp on language is uncanny fr. every other sentence packs a punch in one way or another. he manages to capture some aspects of the queer (specifically the bi) experience in a way that felt so familiar to me and put words to so many of my internal experiences. it's about the self and identity and being lost and refusing to let yourself be found. it's also about human connections and how you'll wither when you deny yourself to open up to the people closest to you. it's about so many things without being about one think in particular. like all the other books on this list, love and belonging are at the core of it, but in a very distorted way. i don't think you can really understand unless you've read it. it's So Good.

honorable mentions; emma by jane austen (cunty women RULE), wuthering heights by emily brontë (severely fucked up in the most entertaining way. that's how you write drama.) east of eden by john steinbeck (cain and abel shit and deranged women? sign me up), these violent delights by micah nemerever (be gay do crime in the most mentally ill way possible), if we were villains (love it when characters haunt a narrative. also definitely a book about the gay sex that is not happening), women in love by d.h. lawrence (still currently making my way through this one but it's so deliciously messed up and queer i am almost certain it will leave a permanent mark)

[lurkingshan]

BL/QL Ask game : The Ugly, the Bad and the Worst

Tagged by @clara-maybe-ontheroad to start some trouble. There are a lot of these, so I'm mostly going to do quick hits and maybe expand on a few that really get me going.

The categories are:

Worst soundtrack / weirdest song choice in a BL

It would be easier to list the BL soundtracks that are not horrible (offense intended).

Most cringe-inducing line (cute)/Most cringe-inducing line (actually bad)

I'm so bad at remembering specific lines of dialogue unless I think they're beautiful/heart-wrenching, so I got nothing.

Most stupid decision made by a character

In a BL?? Baby, I do not have all day.

Worst plot line

Hmmm I'm gonna give in to recency bias and say faking amnesia to get your fiancé to love you again after you iced him out and denied him sex for four years because of your tiger attack-related PTSD (no I am not making that up, never change actually Naughty Babe).

The most problematic show you've watched

Problematic is in the eye of the beholder, so honestly who can say.

A show people love but you find bad

LOLOLOL. There are. So many. Probably the one with the wildest fandom fervor :: Shan personal enjoyment ratio is KinnPorsche.

A show people find bad but you will defend

Theory of Love and y'all stay wrong about this. It is easily one of the best early Thai bls and the writing, character development, and narrative structure are all excellent, but people hate slutty characters so they can't deal with it.

A show that is just objectively bad but you enjoyed it/were horny/because of that one character

Why r u? What can I say, I'm a Fighter/Tutor girlie.

A bad show that you kept watching because you were intrigued/fascinated

Hmmm I usually just drop it if I'm truly not having fun. I guess you could count me finishing Minato's Laundromat 2 despite knowing any hope for it was over at the end of episode 9. I just needed to see how mad I was going to be in the end (pretty damn mad).

A bad show that you would still recommend

There is too much BL nowadays to be trifling with the bad shit.

The character that ruined a show the most/most awful character that you hated

PLERN PLENG (Together With Me). cc: @bengiyo the co-president of the Plern Pleng antis.

Most awful character that you loved

Boston, a beautiful chaos demon (Only Friends).

A character that wasn't awful but that you just don't like

Anyone played by Podd or Jimmy (it's their faces I can't stand them sorry to those men).

A hero that should have been a villain

This is an interesting one! I’m not sure this counts, but I’ll just say I did not love the way The Untamed white washed Wei Wuxian and removed his culpability for all his worst choices (I recognize this was largely due to censorship). I much prefer the more morally complex and deeply flawed version of him we got in MDZS.

A morally bad character you're into/you're not into and you wish people would stop being into

I don't believe in holding fictional characters to real life moral standards. Bad behavior makes for good stories.

The show that disappointed you the most

Let me take this opportunity to drag Plus & Minus again, a show that had all the right ingredients to be a top tier friends to lovers narrative and absolutely blew it to do some beyond clichéd noble idiocy and breakup bs that violated character and undercut the relationship to such a degree that I can never rewatch or enjoy anything about it again.

The Worst Show of Them All Because of Your Own Reasons

Hmm I do not have one. It's rare for me to not be able to find something of value in any media I consume.

Tagging @chickenstrangers @sorry-bonebag @kayatoasted @blmpff @twig-tea in case you want to play!

[alienatedtsuki]

Redefining the normal | Post Chapter 699, NaruSasu/SasuNaru Part I

Komorebi by saltedpotato His responsibilities to the world fulfilled, Naruto Uzumaki takes Sasuke Uchiha and disappears from the public eye, letting the world readjust by itself in the aftermath of the Fourth Shinobi World War. Follow along with a series of windows into the lives of two boys as they relearn what they mean to the world and what they mean to each other. - In this travel-themed fanfic, Sasuke, deeply in love, tells his story from his perspective. The story, a slow burn, follows him and an unaware Naruto as they continue their journey, accompanied by their protective Kyuubi and a lovable coon cat. Wrapping up this slow burn, Naruto gifts Sasuke a house, a gesture that signifies their bond. It is refreshing to read about soft Uchiha and intelligent Naruto. Travel the world fanfic | They own a cat | Protective Kyuubi | Smart Naruto | Soft Sasuke | Sasuke is deeply in love (67,829)

Reconnecting Hearts by lilypheria @lilypheria The war is over, and both Sasuke and Naruto struggle to find their place in the new normal. Things are not easy, especially for Sasuke, who keeps feeling that he doesn’t have a place in Konoha. But they have nothing but time, and when Sasuke decides to leave for a special journey, Naruto comes with him. Starting something new with his best friend makes Sasuke excited, and it also gives the two the possibility to reconnect after all those years of clashing against each other… - This fanfic takes our duo on adventures, not just between small towns but major ninja villages. Their encounters with other Kages post-war shed light on their evolving roles and relationships. There's a fantastic moment at the beginning, where Sasuke disguises himself as a black cat just to be close to Naruto. And with Kyuubi's subtle guidance, Naruto becomes a tad more perceptive. This story is so pure, just delightful fluff. Travel the world fanfic | Sasuke is the cat, this is my favourite tag | Big brother Kyuubi | Soft Sasuke | Sasuke is deeply in love | Sasuke saves a child! | Post-War AU (59,415) [If you also love cats a bit too much, amazing lilypheria @lilypheria has an amazing fic with Naruto and Sasuke playing kitties... Be My Kitty Tonight, just amazing smut...]

heart in your hands by darkponds Maybe their bandaged hearts can still meet in the middle. - In this fanfic, set in Konoha immediately following the last battle, we witness a heavy dose of angst. Naruto grapples with frequent panic attacks, a heart-wrenching trial that Sasuke comes to realize he contributed to. As they share an apartment, the atmosphere gradually becomes ripe for understanding and unraveling their complex feelings for one another. Consent is so fucking hot; also, there is smut with the clever use of Kage Bunshin. It's a raw and compelling read, navigating the turbid waters of guilt, realization, and undeniable affection. Angst, Hurt\Comfort | Mutual Pining | Friends to Lovers | Emotional Codependency (33,987)

[comixconnection]

Looking for some good, stand-alone or off-the-beaten path gift ideas?

Maybe things for folks who already have so many comics, you need to play the odds to find stuff they won't have already read? Or something for somebody who wants to branch-out and try something new, but doesn't know where to start? Or maybe just a good one-volume story you can read on the road and not be left wondering what happens next the whole way back home?

Look no further, Comix Connection is here to help!

A gorgeously illustrated one-volume post-apocalyptic tale of trust, despair, hope, cynicism, found-family...and oh yeah, giants! This one will knock your socks so far off you'll have to buy a new pair!

This is the same creative team that brought us the incredible comic DIE (as in both what you roll and what you do), which if you have yet to read would also make a great gift idea for yourself or anyone else you know with even a passing interest in fantasy and rpgs.

In the far future, the only hope left for humanity's soul in the face of a destructive military-industrial complex run amok might be a sweet astral-projecting cat and his kind-hearted owner. But can even nine lives bargain to save the lives of billions? This stand-alone story is poignant, heart-wrenching sci-fi at its best.

Anthropomorphized animals are creepy enough (bears with CLOTHES on?! Yikes!), but in Patrick Horvath's brilliant, Eisner Award-nominated series, he injects a serial killer mystery into the colorful, nostalgia-shaded world of storybook woodland creatures. Beneath the Trees Where Nobody Sees is an utterly unique look at violence, small town life, and even how we see ourselves. It's a blood-soaked experience that is as beautiful as it is unforgettable.

Come aboard the Dodona, a generational space-arc on a multiple-centuries-long journey to colonize a new home for the descendants of the people who built it. But even in a closed-system, people change over time, and what worked for the builders might not work for folks five generations removed from lift-off. Follow this society in leaps across the generations as it evolves and changes under the pressure of life in space—a life whose whole goal is only to endure until landfall. But hearts are less easily managed than air-supplies, and this standalone tale is a love story. Or a few love stories, really. And a couple of rebellions, too.

This is the Green Lantern concept taken to its sci-fi edges, in a phenomenal stand-alone work by famed novelist N.K. Jemisin. Travel to the farthest side of the galaxy to find a society of overlapping alien species who have found "peace" by erasing their own emotions...and the emotional space-cop charged with keeping that peace, whether her hosts like it (or care to admit to "liking" anything) or not.

In the Marvel Universe of the future, freedom is a long-lost dream and Steve Rogers has all but given up on the ideals he once fought so hard for...but Captain America isn't the sort of dream that goes gently into that good night. Now the question is, will anyone come to answer the call of "Avengers, Assemble!" in this brave new world where all our heroes are dead? And can they possibly save the day, when they lost the battle so long ago?

This one-volume tale might be called Marvel's answer to DC's Dark Knight Returns, if you need to sum-it-up in a hurry. And if not, you can join the rest of us in lamenting that it isn't longer!

Take a highbrow Conan-style fantasy adventure and run it through the filter of the Girl of Steel and you have the beginning of what this book is. It's a standalone sci-fi story in fantasy garb...or maybe a fantasy story in sci-fi costume...or maybe something that's simultaneously neither and both, all centered on the heart of what makes a person, what makes a hero, and what makes a legend? And where do you draw the line of truth and lies in between?

It's the tenth anniversary edition of long-standing Comix Connection favorite I Was The Cat, a stand-alone graphic novel about a journalist interviewing a talking cat about his previous eight lives in which he tried to take over the world. Yes, a talking cat. Yes, trying to take over the world. No, this isn't a world where cats normally talk, and the journalist didn't know he was a cat when she agreed to the interview. What's hard to understand about that?

This energetic one-volume story takes the classic trope of the Chosen One, runs with it...and then runs it all backwards, subverting and poking-fun and asking the hard questions about who gets to decide what "better" and "saved" really means, all while having loads of fun in this rambunctious post-apocalypse world of dynamic and beautifully varied landscapes, societies, and expectations.

Also, there's a talking dog! How can you go wrong?

Caveat up-front: this one is not a stand-alone story, but is instead the first volume of an epic tale set in a magical school...that's actually a mad-science school...that's actually a magical school...that's actually a whole bunch of enigmas and conspiracies involving mysterious science cabals, mythical creatures, gods, and family secrets, all wrapped-up in one sprawling complex called Gunnerkrigg Court. Out-of-print for several years, it's finally back in a shiny new printing from Dark Horse, and we couldn't be happier to have it on our shelves again at last!

It's a story that starts small, and gets so big it feels like it might just swallow the whole universe in the end. Join Antimony, Kat, and their friends (including a living shadow, a demon-possessed stuffed animal, a devoted Robot, and a whole whole of other odd children) as they grow-up and grow into the true strangeness of the world they inhabit in the secretive environs of Gunnerkrigg Court.

*GC is perfect for readers who love Harry Potter, and for readers heartbroken and betrayed by Harry Potter, and for readers who always wished Harry Potter had just been a little bit...bigger.

All of these books and so many more are available at Comix Connection right now, so come in to grab your choice before it's gone—or to get other recommendations from our well-read and enthusiastic staff, who all would like nothing more than to talk your ear off about their personal favorite off-the-wall suggestions for great gift ideas for your friends and family...and maybe something good for yourself, too!

[blueberry-lemon]

Two-Dimensional Writing

I think there’s a place for characters, and stories, that are two-dimensional. In fact, I’m willing to die on the hill that sometimes it’s just more fun (and “better writing”) to aim for two-dimensional characters if it fits what you’re going for.

Before writing this, I was curious if there was an actual agreed-upon definition of a “two-dimensional character.” When used casually I feel like we all generally understand what we’re talking about, but I figured before I ran my mouth I should at least check if there was a textbook definition.

Most of the results I got on Google were Reddit and Quora threads of people debating the definition, along with a couple of other like-minded bloggers trying to explain it. So I guess the term isn’t exactly scientific.

So I guess I should try to define it. I guess I would say something like this:

One-dimensional character: Only exists in the world or story to serve a single purpose

Two-dimensional character: A character lacking realistic depth. Lacks complex thoughts, feelings, history, and may not behave like a “real person” would.

Three-dimensional character: A character whose thoughts, feelings, and history feel believable and “realistic”

I think most times that people refer to a story as having one-dimensional or two-dimensional characters, it’s meant as a dunk. But I don’t think it has to be a dunk!

Two-dimensions lets you play in the world of archetypes and expectations. When I think of two-dimensional writing, I think of games like Fire Emblem and Chrono Trigger, where you totally “get” a character’s vibe as soon as they join the party. I think of shows like K-On and One Piece, where you’re invited into the running gags by quickly understanding what a character would do in any scenario.

I don’t think playing in this space needs to be thought as synonymous with “bad” or “lazy” writing. If I’m being honest, I’m pretty sure it’s usually an intentional choice. It’s fun to play in a well-established genre, or toss around some well-worn character tropes, as long as you’re doing it well. Sometimes you’re dealing with a story or game that has a huge amount of characters, and it’s important to write them in such a way that people can recognize them, learn their personality and backstory, and remember them as soon as possible.

On the audience side, sometimes it’s fun and convenient to start something and immediately jump up like “oh, THAT’S gonna be my favorite character!” and then see if your prediction pans out. It can be fun to have a favorite type, or an archetype you like to see, and find out how a new writer puts their own personal twist on it. Or sometimes the depth and the fun of the story is how they take the toolbox of two-dimensional characters you know by heart and arrange them in different combinations with each other. Or place them in unexpected scenarios, where we can finally see how Character B, Character E, and Character H are all going to interact and get themselves out of a challenging situation.

And lastly…sometimes I think a work isn’t quite built for having three-dimensional characters. Either it doesn’t actually have the proper amount of time to explore a person’s full depth, or it clashes with the tone of what it’s doing. It can also, if you’re not careful, make your realistic-seeming characters all become a bit bland and unmemorable, because they don’t have any notable trait to latch onto. Maybe your intention was “this is gonna be a fully three-dimensional, believable person” but all you ended up with in execution was “this is a boring, relatable, average Joe.”

(Obviously, if you CAN pull off a realistically believable cast of characters and have the time to flesh them out…more power to you, I love that too.)

I think it’s also important to remember that the genre-archetype, two-dimensional style writing is not exclusive to any particular genre, mood, or emotion. Heart wrenching dramas can play in tropey two-dimensional spaces, just like comedies can. And maybe the secret sauce to your two-dimensional writing is how you set something up to have one tone and then hop to another tone for a moment of surprise.

So honestly, give me the two-dimensional archetypes. Give me the RPG characters who have like 2 notable traits and 3 emotional states. As long as you execute it well, add in a few surprises, don’t make real-life stereotypes, and have fun with it…I don’t think there’s anything wrong with playing in that space. It works for a reason!

[youranxiousgf]

Love is Not Always Enough

26-04-2023, 7:59 pm

To my anxiously-attached sweethearts, this is for you. To anyone who's in an "opposites attract" relationship and struggling, this is for you.

I secretly loved romance movies and novels growing up- not that I'd ever be caught dead admitting this in front of my sister- I'd sooner admit I'm a furry lol. But you know which love stories I always despised from the depths of my heart? The ones where the two leads love each other so deeply, and are such. genuinely. good. people. And they look so good together??? And yet, they don't end up together... simply because they "wanted different things from life," ugh.

I can't put into words how much I always hated those endings. It was just a heart-wrenching conclusion to a perfect romance. I wanted to punch the TV screen every time, but now that I'm in my first (and beautiful) relationship of 2 years I'm finally tasting this bitter truth from the other side.

Love can hold two people together through the absolute worst that this giant green-and-blue rock has to offer us. But love doesn't equal compatibility. Attraction, love, friendship, commitment, loyalty, compromise, respect, none of these will be enough for a happy relationship if you don't ALIGN in your values, life path, communication, and wants. One by one a crisis will emerge, grow in complexity, and a resolution will become increasingly impossible to reach. You'll start to wonder why you didn't break up earlier, how you don't agree on the most important things. You'll feel helpless and compelled to let them go even as your inner child refuses to.

Opposites can attract but don't necessarily belong together. Your person might make you the happiest you've ever been, but they won't necessarily keep you happy in the long-term. I know, it's an ugly sentence, feel free to cancel me. But it won't change the truth that you're crying in the bathroom every weekend wondering why your person doesn't get you. Sometimes it's just impractical.

If I speak about my boyfriend, he's changed a lot since we met. In a good way for him (I'm proud of his self-improvement journey), but not always in a good way for us. As we're growing, we're moving further apart in what we want out of life. Our relationship needs and goals are becoming increasingly contrasted. He doesn't care much for romance or da horny, while I don't care much for philosophy and spirituality. I want more time with him, do more things with him, he needs less time and less activities. He's avoidant and independent, I'm anxious and clingy. He's the tsundere boyfriend, I'm the uwu girlfriend lmao. Hell yeah we're cute like that, but it's not all sparkles and chocolates.

Do we still love each other? Incredibly so. Some days it feels like the kind of mature love that wrinkly 80 year old grandpas and grandmas have hehe. He's a wonderful person down to the bone, respects me, and looks out for me. We've worked through many arguments and challenges together, stuck together till the end. We both know finding another "wifey" or "hubby" like each other will be rare to come across.

But none of that changes the possibility that maybe we're too different. That I feel like I'm dating a monk who evil laughs and gives me a wise lecture once a day, and he feels like he's dating a 10 year old girl who demands attention and headpats and cries once a day lol. Maybe we're not compatible enough and won't be able to live the rest of our lives making compromises and trying to slowly inch the war in our personal favor. As time progresses it feels like communication is becoming harder, not easier. Love may not be enough to keep us happy, as much as I hate to admit it. Unless we can find common values and allied desires again, grow together again... this relationship is something I'll eventually have to reconsider.

But here's the good part.

If you truly have a decent human being with you, there's always a possibility that things will work out for you. Love is a choice you make everyday, a conscious decision and patient WORK. If they're willing to do it for you and you're willing to do it for them, maybe no matter how unusual and bizarre your match... it will just click.

You can't fit a square into a triangle shaped hole. But if you're ready to cut some corners, maybe it's possible?

So take your time but make it productive. You don't need to end things in a heated screaming match or drag on a dead relationship for infinity. Start the difficult conversations, share the burden of communication, remember to be respectful, and however hurtful, accept your partner's words as their truth. Ask them if they can fight for you. And only stay if the answer is "yes", because that's the only right answer in a world where you deserve happiness.

And the most important pieces of advice I can give you:

1. Work on your flaws and communication skills, you're imperfect too and can't force your partner to change for you. You can both only agree to be better than your codependency/neurosis/defense mechanisms/past trauma, whatever brings a rift in your relationship.

2. There is more to life than romance. You were there before he/she came along, and you'll be there even after them, so remember to put yourself first too, have hobbies and opinions and a whole life outside of your relationship. Self care and autonomy takes the cake, and the attraction you'll feel when you're two separate ppl, not one enmeshed mess, is just the cherry on top.

3. Humor is magic. Sprinkle it on everything. There's a time for taking issues and life seriously, and there's a time for laughing about the things that go wrong between you two somedays. Push aside your anger and be light in your step. Apologize like you expect to be apologized to.

3. Accept it with a smile when the universe tells you that it's just not possible. Fill your heart with utter joy at having made this journey with them, at having come this far and learned so much. They were one of your best friends who you'll never forget. And let go of your hold on them... stepping into a better life.

Having written this, I'm feeling a lot better. I'll go tell my grumpy cat bf I love him now, because I'm here to work on us yet another day.