#and it’s not just men but we have to find a way to delegitimize women’s experiences and blame them for structural failure

[thefaultinoursprinkles]

‘puriteens’ and ‘male loneliness epidemic’ and ‘deaths of despair epidemic’ are like, observations of real issues so it’s rly frustrating when the conclusion is like “if only the puriteens would unpack their cultural christianity!” “if only the men would unlearn misogyny and stop thinking women owe them sex and companionship” “if only everyone had access to therapy” like idk man I just don’t think it’s a personal failing. I don’t think any amount of self reflection or unlearning or therapy is going to eliminate these issues. it’s systematic like we are seeing the extremely concerning and very real impacts of living in a dying empire desperately clinging to power through conservative and regressive public policy while experiencing intense alienation under capitalism and living in the panopticon. individual actions are never going to lead to change if the circumstances that led to the issue developing in the first place don’t change.

[bluesturngold]

the idea that any significant portion of women irrationally hate men is anecdotal, it is not reality:

In Study 1 (n = 1,664), feminist and nonfeminist women displayed similarly positive attitudes toward men. Study 2 (n = 3,892) replicated these results in non-WEIRD countries and among male participants. Study 3 (n = 198) extended them to implicit attitudes. Investigating the mechanisms underlying feminists’ actual and perceived attitudes, Studies 4 (n = 2,092) and 5 (nationally representative UK sample, n = 1,953) showed that feminists (vs. nonfeminists) perceived men as more threatening, but also more similar, to women. Participants also underestimated feminists’ warmth toward men, an error associated with hostile sexism and a misperception that feminists see men and women as dissimilar. Random-effects meta-analyses of all data (Study 6, n = 9,799) showed that feminists’ attitudes toward men were positive in absolute terms and did not differ significantly from nonfeminists'. An important comparative benchmark was established in Study 6, which showed that feminist women's attitudes toward men were no more negative than men's attitudes toward men. We term the focal stereotype the 'misandry myth' in light of the evidence that it is false and widespread.

This trope has been used to delegitimize and discredit the movement, has deterred women from joining it, and motivated men to oppose it, sometimes with violence (Anderson, 2015; Ging, 2017; Roy et al., 2007).

'but punkitt didn't say feminists, she said trans women' doesn't cut it because it's intellectually dishonest and condescending to suggest any trans women are hating men for irrational reasons detached entirely from gender politics.

the trans women on this website critiquing men and masculinity are transfeminists, people who live at the intersection of transphobia denying our womanhood while misogyny towards us affirms it, the most jaded of whom have been mistreated by the men in their lives — and have seen other trans women treated the same — so frequently they worry trans feminine separatism is the only way they'll get a safe space.

to reframe what i just said, because people never want to acknowledge this reality: there is no self described trans feminine separatist who has reached that conclusion without already having tried to participate in the broader trans and lgbtqia communities only to find herself mistreated by people she keeps being told are her brothers who are going to stand with her against oppression.

this has nothing to do with testosterone being evil or anything biologically innate to men, it is entirely about the systemic privilege afforded by patriarchy which is reflected in queer communities created under patriarchy: in a trans accepting space, trans men are men and trans women are women, with all of the sociopolitical and cultural baggage that comes with it.

the reason my reply to her post encouraged her to take a step back from the argument and take the time to get a better understanding of both transfeminism and how dire things are for less popular trans women on this website is because this addition to the original post is very antagonistic towards other trans women in a way that's extremely sad to see.

as i stated in my reply to her post, as someone who knows the sort of trans women being chided in the original post, nothing about their (as i've discussed, entirely rational) disdain towards men is rooted in bioessentialism: never do i, an entirely not passing trans feminine person living in a conservative area early in my medical transition who would risk violence presenting feminine and thus continues to present nonbinary masculine offline, feel like i am being excluded by these trans women, because their framework of transfeminism doesn't determine a person's gender by judging their appearance. judging the validity of a trans woman's identity by how feminine she presents is transmisogynist, it's textbook transphobia intersecting with misogyny. there are trans women who have internalized misogyny and transmisogyny, but that's not who she's addressing.

her post doesn't actually say anything positive, all it accomplishes is condescending to a bunch of the vulnerable trans women who don't have her follower base, but because 'she's literally just saying to be nice!' people will go to bat to defend her intellectually incurious, vibes-based politics.

she is attending a house party, yelling out the open window at the trans women on the lawn — who are discussing how cruel the people at the party were — that maybe if they were nicer to men things would be going better for them.

it's condescending, of course it's going to set some people off, and of course there are going to be trans women lamenting the way she approaches community issues haphazardly with no regard for the rest of the people she apparently expects to be in community with her, given she's making posts addressing them, but then turns around and calls people criticizing her — from a position of greater understanding of the issues she's discussing — stupid or dumbasses, as if they're contemptible, and not to be listened to as an equal with a different point of view who were hurt by her original post being flippant and rude. you can make the argument that people are being too mean to her, but when you've been watching trans women on tumblr deal with harassment from the website's CEO, TERFs and trans masculine users, it's a real kick in the teeth to see a popular trans feminine blogger telling you to be nicer to men.

I'm absolutely losing my mind seeing "We need to not treat men and masculinity as inherently evil and worthy of hatred, and not fall back into biological and gender essentialism because that hurts everyone, including trans women" being misinterpreted as "Women need to stop oppressing men", "I think trans women are actually men" or "You specifically who have trauma around men need to get over it because men are the real victims". It's so willfully disingenuous. It makes me sick how willing people are to read in bad faith, especially how willing other trans women are to suddenly start harassing and dogpiling another trans woman.

I am a trans woman too, I understand what it's like to feel unsafe, but it helps no one this cynical attitude that crops up every time someone suggests being kind to men in our lives. "You could save a man you know from falling down the alt-right pipeline" is not the same as "It's your fault that men murder you". "There are people who could be on our side if we don't meet them with immediate hostility" is not the same as "You need to shut up and stop criticizing power structures for the sake of your oppressors' feelings" (I promise there are a lot of people who can be taught about their complicity in oppression without immediately shutting down but you need to work with them). This kind of attitude isn't somehow more informed or correct. It's just lashing out to avoid considering one's own agency.

Making a better, safer world for ourselves requires all kinds of work, but it's always work. It's hard to try to reach out to people who could very realistically harm us, it's work that not all of us can afford to or are able to do and that's fine because we're all just trying to survive. But some of you would rather condescend, tear each other down, and make more enemies before even considering it a possibility.

[pridepages]

Unfathomable: Our Wives Under the Sea

I just finished Our Wives Under the Sea by Julia Armfield. I have thoughts...

Here there be spoilers!

For time immemorial, the ocean has been linked symbolically to women. It’s hard to say why we culturally accept that the sea is feminine. Perhaps it is because it’s changeable: by turns beautiful or treacherous but always powerful. Perhaps it is the inherent mystique of hiding true nature in hidden depths. What secrets and mysteries lurk where no light can touch...

Whatever the cause, this link makes the ocean the perfect backdrop for a lesbian horror story. Julia Armfield delivers on that promise with a tale that is by turns haunting and disorienting in Our Wives Under the Sea.

Wives is ostensibly a story about marine biologist Leah who goes on a mission in a submarine and returns under some kind of transmutation curse. Her baffled wife, Miri, is forced to watch as Leah physically and mentally breaks down, ultimately dissolving into the sea water itself.

But if you came for the spooky mystery, you may find yourself dissatisfied. Though the novel builds tension around the question of what happened to Leah--and who may be responsible--there are never any concrete answers. “The Centre,” Leah’s shady employer, simply closes up shop and vanishes. The creature that appears to have cursed Leah appears briefly in one or two pages and then doesn’t appear for the rest of the novel.

What takes the biggest focus in Wives isn’t the magical. It’s the mundane: what happens when the person you marry is traumatized and becomes an entirely different person?

Miri’s side of the story is disturbing not because of the lurid horror she is experiencing. It shakes the reader because it is so terribly banal. Miri comes off as frustrated by Leah’s condition, as feeling burdened by Leah’s care and terribly lonely even in Leah’s company. Miri tells us their love story, but even in that telling, we can read the elegiac tone: she evidently senses that there is no coming back for them from what has happened. She has limited interest in uncovering what happened to Leah on that mission. Miri is already looking for a way to let go.

Not to say that Leah is any more likable. Leah is constantly seen to be choosing the call of the sea over Miri. Leah goes away on these dangerous missions for weeks at a time. Even before the last disastrous one, this kind of distance from Miri was common. While Miri spends endless time missing Leah, telling the reader all the things she loves about Leah, the other way around is less common. It isn’t to say that Leah doesn’t love Miri in her own way, but Leah seems to focus most on the way that Miri serves as an anchor to the land, recalling Leah from her “sunken thoughts,” a euphemism for when Leah gets lost in her own head.

I think the most appealing part of this book was its unapologetic deep dive into the realities of lesbianism. Too often, people hear ‘lesbian literature’ and assume the story is either erotica or generally about sex. While sex is mentioned, just as it might be a part of any marriage, the sex is not gratuitously described or even greatly in focus. For once, here is a book that speaks to the experience of simply existing as a lesbian in a predominantly heterosexual world.

For example, when Miri observes “My friends often told me in these early days that we were similar, something I always thought bizarre...it occurred to me that this perceived resemblance between Leah and myself had more to do with the two of us being women than it did with anything real.” It’s an incident that speaks to the constant delegitimization of sapphic relationships, the ‘gal-palification’ that persists rather than allowing sapphics to be seen as romantically or sexually coupled in the same way that heterosexual or even achillean couples are.

It’s not the only casual bit of homophobia she faces. Aggravated by the unwanted advances of men, Miri contemplates whether or not to out herself and observes “all I need to do is tell him I have a girlfriend (which is not true, I have a wife, but people seem to find that cute in a way they don’t when I just say girlfriend).” Again, Miri reveals the patronization and passive aggressive dismissal of the seriousness and value of committed lesbian relationships: a particular form of homophobia reserved for homosexual women that overlaps with misogyny.

But the other side of that coin is the peculiar happiness of the lesbian experience. Miri’s discovery of the possibilities of pleasure being with a woman are so bittersweetly relatable: “Sex with Leah was a key and a lock...Joy in the fact of pleasure, in the fact of my own relief.” For queer women, the discovery of what’s so great about sex--that THIS is why people made such a big deal out of it--can be an incredible, euphoric experience not just for the pleasure of our bodies but the discovery of that capacity itself!

And there’s the humor, too. The particular humor of queer existence among the straight: Miri reminds Leah “the time that we met, In the bar they were playing ‘I Got a Feeling.’ And then you came up and spoke to me and the music changed to ‘Horny.’ And that’s something I can’t change now. Like, that’s just the story. That’s what happened. They played ‘Horny’ by Mousse T. in a bar full of straight people and that’s the story of how we met.”

So even if the actual plot of the novel is as unfathomable as the deep ocean it’s set in, it’s still refreshing to read a novel that just lets you soak up a full, multifaceted lesbian experience. So while this may not be a happy queer book, and even leaves the reader seeking something spooky dissatisfied, Our Wives Under the Sea does provide a welcome addition to the lesbian literary canon. 

It’s like a tall glass of water mixed with a teaspoon of salt...like seawater. Or tears.

[dansantcaparet]

Clerith was canon in 1997. Clerith is canon (again) in 2020.

Due to the scene being in reference to "If you know what happens to Aerith later in the story, it's a line that strikes emotionally," we know this scene is referring to Aerith's death.

In the Remake, Aerith knows she dies. Aerith also knows REAL Cloud falls in love with her in the OG. Aerith tells Cloud not to fall in love with her this time because she knows she dies.

In the Remake, Aerith is trying to protect Cloud from falling in love with her due to her death.

Clerith is confirmed as the canon OG pairing.

-------

The MOST OBVIOUS transformation of Cloud’s “frosty exterior” in the Remake is when he starts doing high-five’s with Aerith on the reg.

At first Cloud rejects them. Then, he is about to give one but stops short. Then, you have to hold the triangle button down so he gives Aerith a high-five. Then, he gives Aerith an automatic high-five at the battle arena. The crowd chants:

“Cloud and Aerith! – Cloud and Aerith! – Cloud and Aerith!”

The high-five’s is a clear-cut, distinct transformation of Cloud’s personality. Intentionally designed by SE to show Aerith slowly melting Cloud’s “frosty exterior.”

Given Cloud’s earlier reluctance, I got chills when Cloud & Aerith high-five’d in the battle arena.

Then, when Cloud has to remind everyone that rescuing Aerith from Shinra HQ is the #1 priority, it cemented to me that Cloud had significantly changed from the very beginning of the game.

Aerith is evoking the REAL Cloud to the surface.

Cloud’s love for Aerith is giving us glimpses of who he truly is.

Not only are the high-five’s and quest to save Aerith from Shinra HQ significant, clear-cut examples of Cloud’s transformation, but Cloud also has a REAL memory of his mother telling him to have an “older girlfriend” – someone who will call him a “silly goose” when he needs to hear it (Aerith calls Cloud “silly” in FF7R). Aerith shows us the REAL Cloud's personality and triggers him into having a REAL memory of his Mom telling him to pick Aerith as his girlfriend (ie: "older" -- "silly goose").

Cloud and Aerith dominate once Cloud falls to her flower bed.

Just as in the OG, when both women are present, Cloud's preference is Aerith (something that continues even in death and makes Tifa jealous).

-------

As a kid in 1997, it was obvious to me that Cloud loved Aerith more than Tifa.

Not until I went online all these years later did I discover (shockingly) that the American FFVII fanbase had been misled by some in the FFVII fandom.

So why did they decide to launch a campaign to delegitimize Clerith?

Well, when FFVII first came out in 1997, many western gamers didn’t understand Aerith. She was (literally) foreign to them. Japanese animation was still very niche back then.

Though the Japanese adored Aerith’s spunky personality & pink dress (and saw her as the obvious romantic interest for Cloud), many men in the United States thought her hair was “ugly” and that her personality was “annoying.” Far too “anime” for their tastes. They preferred Tifa -- the loyal, more American looking childhood friend -- the “girl-next-door.” Plus, her big boobs didn’t hurt, either.

Of course, since FFVII inherently revolves around a love triangle, there is obviously an option to play it the Tifa way.

However, as a kid in 1997, I never saw Tifa as a threat. I saw her as the secondary, optional way to play the game. The girl you would pick on your second playthrough.

When you consider:

The official Amano artwork

Beginning love point totals (you have to make counterintuitive choices to catch Tifa up to Aerith’s automatic 1st place position)

The non-optional bodyguard agreement

The “normally” occurring CxA Gold Saucer date

Numerous flirtatious moments & obvious hints

Tifa’s constant jealousy

The Promised Land scene non-optionally occurring *AFTER* the inherently variable Highwind scene

Frequent CxA cameos

Aerith being the first & last image we see in the entire game

…it is clear Tifa never held a candle to Aerith as the heroine, or as the primary love interest for Cloud.

To put it simply -- Aerith was created first by SE. Tifa was created second. Aerith is the primary love interest. Tifa is the secondary love interest. Obvious common sense.

Unfortunately, fueled by their unyielding, irrational hatred of all things Aerith, they successfully sold the myth (for years) that Cloud x Tifa is the official canon couple of FFVII, thereby brainwashing the entire American fandom against Cloud x Aerith.

They reduced & twisted Cloud’s love for Aerith as “guilt.”

Saying that even though the Real Cloud chooses to live in Aerith’s Church, has his heart broken every time he visits her grave, reconnects with her in Flower Fields (and cameos), and seeks to find her in the Promised Land, is all due to guilt over the death of a mere friend. Saying that anything romantic shown in the OG is all a result of Zack (ie: attempted delegitimization).

I guess the symbolism of Cloud’s continued love for Aerith, and all the nuances that entails, is too cultured & sophisticated for them to comprehend. Or maybe they are purposely not comprehending the obvious?

Thankfully, the Japanese understand what all of this means. So why don’t western fans?

The only logical conclusion is because of their deep, burning, irrational hatred of Aerith as a character. Always minimizing & downplaying her role as the first & true heroine & love interest to Cloud.

But now, with the Remake perfecting Aerith’s look & personality, and making it crystal clear that these are Cloud’s REAL feelings, and that Aerith wants to move FORWARD from Zack, you are now seeing a significant swing within the fandom towards Cloud x Aerith.

The other side has spent years using Crisis Core & Advent Children to their advantage:

Essentially saying Crisis Core makes Zerith canon, and Advent Children makes Cloti canon. Simple & easy for the masses to understand, right?

So how, exactly, did they convince millions to believe their great myth?

1. Cloud & Aerith only liked each other because of Zack.

Response:

The relationship between Zack & Aerith in CC is officially described as a minor infatuation between two juveniles, much like Cloud’s childhood crush on Tifa.

In the OG, Aerith says her and Zack were NEVER serious, that their relationship is “in the past now,” and that he probably moved on to someone else because he’s a “real lady’s man.”

On the normally occurring CxA Gold Saucer date, Aerith confirms that although she initially liked Cloud because of Zack, she has grown to like Cloud for Cloud.

Within the lifestream, Aerith tells Zack that she prefers Cloud’s personality over his, and that she will only call Zack if she gets “really lonely.”

In the Remake, Aerith states she wants to move FORWARD with her life in regards to Zack.

Aerith triggers Cloud into a REAL memory of his mother suggesting he have an “older girlfriend.” This REAL memory proves the REAL Cloud was present during his interactions with Aerith. She is bringing the REAL Cloud back to the surface.

In official sources, Aerith is stated as saying she loves Cloud MORE than Zack.

Cloud is stated to be Aerith’s “koibito” (“lover” in Japanese).

Yes -- Cloud adopted some memories & mannerisms from Zack, but he never transformed 100% into Zack.

It is a myth that Cloud & Aerith’s love is null-and-void because of Zack.

2. Tifa wins by default due to being alive.

Response:

Tifa winning by default due to being alive is why they hope to god Aerith doesn’t live in the Remake.

You may personally prefer Tifa, but in the OG, Cloud himself clearly prefers Aerith over Tifa, and the other side knows it (just look at the Shinra jail cell moment).

Tifa only has a chance once Aerith is out of the picture. If Aerith lives, it is all but over for Tifa.

Even in death, Cloud has an “undying” love for Aerith that will never go away. Tifa knows this to be true and is stated to be jealous of Cloud’s continued feelings for Aerith.

In the AC credits, Tactics cameo, and the Dissidia cameo, it is clear Cloud still wants to meet and be with Aerith in the Promised Land. Denying the common sense symbolism of this is a sign of someone who has a deep-rooted bias against Aerith.

Furthermore, Cloud and Tifa are in an established “family of friends,” share zero romantic moments, have tons of continued jealousy, fighting, and sleep in separate rooms. Plus, Barret returns to living with them in DoC.

Cloud & Tifa only have the possibility of being a thing if Aerith is out of the picture. The other side better pray to god Aerith doesn’t live in the Remake.

And even if Aerith dies, Cloud & Aerith will always remain a tragic star-crossed love story where Cloud forever wants to meet her in the Promised Land. Tifa’s continued jealousy confirms this to be true.

In the Remake, Cloud cries when he thinks of Aerith facing her inevitable demise. True love.

Soulmates.

[hellomynameisbisexual]

As I spoke with other self-idenitified bisexuals throughout my college career, I realized that many, including myself, felt a dose of imposter syndrome in both gay and straight spaces. Whether it be comments from fellow queer folk invalidating our sexuality or the general queerphobia prevalent in the larger society, many bisexuals resent the heteronormative stereotypes imposed on them from both the gay and straight communities. Further research into the erasure of the bisexual community indicated that its impact on the mental and physical health of bisexual individuals is tangible.

The term “bisexuality” encompasses many sexual identities including queer and pansexual. According to the Human Rights Campaign (HRC), “Studies suggest that bisexuals comprise nearly half of all people who identify as lesbian, gay or bisexual, making the bisexual population the single largest group within the LGBT community.” As the largest subset of the gay community, it is interesting to note that bisexuals are routinely discriminated against in the LGBT community as well as in the straight community. Despite being the largest population behind heterosexuals, studies suggest biphobia in all facets of society has facilitated the erasure of the bisexual community to the extent that bisexuals can expect to be systematically disadvantaged regarding their physical and mental health,

The prevalent stereotypes about bisexuality that keep bisexuals from coming out are noted in the essay “Bisexuality and Mental Health: Future Research Directions,” published in The Journal of Bisexuality in 2015: “It has been argued that bisexuality has been delegitimized by negative stereotypes, such as ‘bisexuality doesn’t exist as a sexual orientation,’ ‘bisexuals are sexually promiscuous,’ and ‘bisexuals are confused.’ Several studies have found that heterosexual, gay and lesbian individuals may all have negative attitudes toward bisexuality, indicating that bisexual individuals face double discrimination.” The authors, Persson & Pfaus, assert that bisexuals are hesitant to identify themselves for fear of backlash from all facets of society, a statement I can firmly attest to having been personally asked “Can’t you just pick one or the other?” by both gay and straight people. In a press release regarding a study focused on HIV/AIDS in the bisexual community, published in the American Journal for Preventative Medicine by the Center for Disease Control and Prevention, researcher William Jeffries⁠ stated, “Societal biphobia is more prevalent than antigay sentiment.”

Biphobia is prevalent enough to keep bisexuals from coming out to their homosexual counterparts. Historically, homosexuality has been considered taboo and punished with imprisonment and even death; pro-gay movements all over the world trumpet the importance of acceptance and inclusivity, yet gay communities globally refuse to acknowledge bisexuality as a legitimate orientation and discriminate against bisexuals based on this belief. In her article “Inside, Outside, Nowhere: Bisexual Men and Women in the Gay and Lesbian Community,” Kirsten Mclean examined the impact of bisexual attitudes on a group of 60 Australian bisexual men and women, “in terms of their perceptions of, and participation in, the gay and lesbian community.” Analyzing the range of biphobic attitudes within that homosexual community, Mclean’s study attempted to expose how these attitudes effect bisexual participation in said community. She found that, “though some participants were active within the Australian gay and lesbian community, many were not, due to the belief that they would be rejected or discriminated against as bisexual. Furthermore, those who did participate in the gay and lesbian community tended to keep their bisexuality hidden, for fear of being made unwelcome.” I related so much to that sentiment, having been called a “tourist” at a local gay bar when I mustered up the nerve to go with my fiance, a cis bisexual man. We left shortly after, feeling exiled to a life of languishing among the straights at tacky sports bars.

Ostracization from the gay community encourages bisexuals to pursue opposite-sex partners and fade into heteronormative society. A Pew Research Survey conducted in 2013 revealed that 84% of bisexuals end up in hetero relationships. Award-winning bisexual writer Kristina Marusic discussed this statistic, asserting that hetero relationships among bisexuals does not delegitimize their preferences and that the odds of a bisexual having an opposite-sex partner ��fall enormously in their favor… the [percentage of the population that is LGBTQ] is actually closer to a scant 3.8 percent. So not only is it statistically more likely that a bisexual person will wind up with a partner of the opposite sex; it’s equally likely that they’ll wind up with someone from the over 96 percent of the population who identifies as straight.” In an interview with the HRC, an anonymous bisexual said “I wish that more people inside the gay community itself would support my decision to call myself bisexual. I am not being selfish. I am not a liar. I am not gay. I am not straight. I am bisexual.” Additionally, according to Mclean, “a large number of gay men and lesbians still flat-out refuse to date bisexuals.” Thus, many bisexuals couple with opposite-sex partners and identify as straight despite their true orientation, as is reflected by Marusic’s statistics.

The idea that there are two exclusive sexualities, gay and straight, has effectively gagged bisexuals, preventing their self-identification in the heterosexual and homosexual communities and ensuring their assimilation into heteronormative society. In her study “Living Life in the Double Closet: Bisexual Youth Speak Out,” Mclean states, “Dominant public discourses endorse heterosexuality and homosexuality as legitimate sexual identities, but do not recognize that some people are neither exclusively heterosexual nor exclusively homosexual.” Mclean interviewed 22 young bisexual people living in Melbourne, Florida. A bisexual woman herself, Mclean employed an interpersonal, interview approach to this research because she was “examining a group that had thus far been both silenced in traditional research on sexuality, but had also, for the most part, silenced themselves.”

There is nothing quite like silencing oneself, no greater discomfort than suppressing an inherent part of who you are. When I was twelve, I was at a large sleepover at a close friend’s house. Her older sister was “watching” our group of a dozen or so girls. At some point, a large bag of assorted liquors was procured. I have always been impulsive: always picking “Dare,” never scared to sneak out and certain in every situation that I was indestructible. As a seventh grader intent on proving my invincibility, I drank eagerly and abundantly. After taking several shots that blazed through my undeveloped chest and sent unfamiliar chills up my spine, I opened my eyes to the stars spinning above me where I lay in the lawn, both exhilarated and terrified at the realization that I was “completely smashed.” My next decipherable memory depicts me sitting semi-upright in the RV parked near the side of the house, the drunken faces of a few of the other girls swimming in front of me as I swayed.

Truth or Dare. I remember thinking, “This should be good.”

I was dared to kiss the girl next to me, a close friend who was as wasted as I was. I recall the nervous flip of my stomach as my lips neared hers. The Dare and I smushed our faces together clumsily. I could taste the vodka and orange juice on her mouth. I found myself falling into the kiss and she seemed receptive. We made out passionately as the other girls leered at us in an inebriated stupor. Eventually, they left us alone in the RV. I woke up the next morning in a crumpled heap on the floor of the RV; my eyelids crunched as I opened them and my lips were so dry they cracked when I sat up and coughed. The Dare was still asleep on the RV couch; last night’s events played through my head as I gazed at her sleeping face. I felt lighter than I ever had, despite having the worst hangover of my existence. I stumbled out of the camper and entered the house; girls were draped all over the furniture, looking at pictures from the previous night and nursing headaches. The room quieted when I entered; they stared at me, their faces inscrutable. I scrubbed my face with my hands to dislodge the various body fluids dried there. Under heavy surveillance, I procured some water and sprawled on the living room floor, head pounding and hands clammy.

“Z, do you remember anything about last night?” Someone asked. I sat up and put a palm to my throbbing temple. “Not really, did anyone get hurt?” I asked, doing a headcount of the girls in the room to see who was missing. Only The Dare was absent. “No..” Another girl piped up, “But you and The Dare like, hooked up.” She giggled anxiously. I flinched at the thinly veiled disgust in her voice, shrinking further and further into myself as I saw it reflected in the eyes of many of the other girls. Instantly, I realized my mistake.

It was a harmless thing to kiss a girl as a dare. It was another, far more heinous thing to enjoy it.

Panic engulfed me as my pubescent brain scrambled to find a way to maintain my position in the social hierarchy of my seventh grade class. Stalling, I sipped my water. I imagined being one of the “dykes” at school, of losing every inch of social capital I’d managed to attain. Frigid tendrils wrapped around my heart and, for the first time in my life, I consciously gave in to cowardice.

I feigned surprise as best I could: “What the fuck are you talking about?” I said, doing a small spit take to really sell it. A titter travelled through the room and girls started talking at once. “During truth or dare!” “You got dared to kiss her and you did!” “You were literally all over each other!” “She touched your boobs!” Their exclamations overlapped, the cacophony splitting my skull open. I silenced them with a shout of my own⁠— “Oh em GEEEE!” I yelled, burying my face in my hands so they couldn’t see the humiliation there. “I was completely wasted, I don’t remember anything. Did she have as much to drink as me?” I said. I knew that she’d been as drunk as I was⁠ but⁠— as I’d known (and maybe even hoped) it could⁠— the question changed the tide of the conversation. “You’re right,” a girl said from the couch, “she like.. Took advantage of you.”

That was not what I’d said but I let her comment fester as the other girls eyed me sympathetically. They no longer saw a lesbian; they saw the victim of one. My insides clenched uncomfortably and I ran to the bathroom, where I emptied my stomach into the toilet bowl.

I felt close to death as I leaned against the bathroom sink, staring at myself in the mirror. I remember my face so vividly: the self-loathing, the repulsion, the guilt and loneliness so clear on my young features as I silently tried to justify what I’d just done. My cheeks were sallow and slick with shameful tears and perspiration as I sweated liquor from my pores.

Not invincible, after all.

The Dare and I’s friendship was never the same. When our classmates made cruel remarks about what happened, I didn’t defend her. I apologized profusely to her after I came out in high school, but I know that wasn’t enough for the trouble I caused her. Though we were just kids experimenting, the reactions of the other girls solidified my denial of my bisexual identity for years to come. I tentatively called myself Bi-curious to a few close friends, but I’d temper it with comments like, “I think girls are pretty but I would never date one.” and “I don’t know how lesbians do it, vaginas are so weird!” My internalized homophobia manifested as a total denial of my bisexual identity when that identity threatened to make me even more of an outsider at my predominately white, conservative middle school. I had boyfriends and a social circle, but suicidal thoughts became a daily occurrence as the hatred I felt for myself deepened.

My experience is more common than I could’ve ever imagined then. After polling and interviewing hundreds of adolescents, the Human Rights Campaign (HRC) concluded that “bisexual youth were much less likely to be out to their families, friends, peers, and communities” than exclusively gay youth. Only 33 percent of UK bisexuals surveyed by the Scotland-based Equality Network felt comfortable telling their general practitioner about their sexual orientation, and nearly half had experienced biphobia when accessing health services. Though there are many variables that contribute to a person’s ability to come out⁠— including but not limited to social and political climate, familial relations, and personal values⁠— the UK’s statistics raise alarms about global attitudes regarding bisexuality and health concerns for bisexuals.

In the United States, lack of preventative care for queer folk begins in grade school, as proper sex education for students attracted to the same sex is sorely lacking. According to a 2017 report by Guttmacher Institute, of the 22 states that mandate sex-ed, only 12 are required to acknowledge sexual orientations. Of those 12 states, 9 mandate inclusive discussion of the different sexual orientations, and 3 “require only negative information on sexual orientation.” Poorly educated bisexuals are less likely to protect themselves from sexually transmitted diseases into adulthood. When The Dare and I were exploring each other, I had absolutely no frame of reference for what we were doing and how to do it safely aside from mainstream pornography tailored for hetero, cis male consumption. No lessons on safe queer sex were taught at my middle or high school; it angers me to know that is the norm.

Erasure impacts mental health as well as physical health for bisexual folk: according to the HRC, “Bisexual adults were also more likely to engage in self-harming behaviors, attempt suicide or think about suicide than heterosexuals, lesbians or gay men.” Bisexuals, especially adolescents, were also more likely to engage in risk taking behavior like alcohol and drug abuse, which negatively impacts both mental and physical health. HRC’s 2012 survey of LGTBQ youth found “only 5 percent of bisexual youth reported being very happy, compared to 8 percent of lesbian and gay youth and 21 percent of non-LGBT youth.” The HRC asserted that poor emotional well-being during adolescence translates into bisexual youth being “twice as likely” to experiment with drugs and alcohol. Furthermore, during research regarding the disparity between bisexual health and that of individuals in the exclusively gay and straight communities, the HRC found that “more than 40 percent of LGBT people of color identify as bisexual, and about half of transgender people describe their sexual orientation as bisexual or queer – making these groups vulnerable to further disparities that occur at the intersections of biphobia, racism and transphobia.”

The well-known yet oft-forgotten “Mother of Pride,” Brenda Howard, spent her life advocating against bi-erasure. She said, “The next time someone asks you why LGBT Pride marches exist or why Gay Pride Month is June tell them ‘A bisexual woman named Brenda Howard thought it should be.’” Until general attitudes in both the gay and straight communities change, bisexuals will continue to repress themselves and feel excluded from both groups. Bisexuals: never let the ignorance of others repress you. You aren’t confused, you aren’t inherently hypersexual and your queer identity is valid. Don’t let anyone, gay or straight, take away your seat at the Pride table.

[bottlecaprabbitgames]

Oh my god, yes. Directors and developers would honestly start frothing at the mouth of you tried to describe asexual/aromatic orientations to them. I can imagine the same for people who go by neo-pronouns or by she/they + he/they (I'm not sure if these are considered neo-pronouns or if they go by something else (Demi-boy and demi-girl I think??)) or simply anything outside of male and female considering they don't seem to get they/them either.

And I totally get what you're saying about the asshole gay men! It seems that -- in my experience at least -- as a gender-questioning bisexual individual, gay men are always the most judgemental. Of course, it's not representative as gay men as a whole but whenever I see transphobia in our community is always gay men (and the TERF lesbians) who are delegitimizing the identity of trans folk. You'd think they'd have a bit more respect since the gay rights movement was led by a black, trans woman.

Also, I 100% agree. The way people tend to portray neuro-divergent characters already (either as the horror movie murderer or as the all-knowing social reject) is pretty harmful, and I'm afraid that trying to add in the extra layer of Queer™ would just add to the harmful stereotypes. Let alone having a Queer, neuro-divergent, POC -- I feel like that combo would literally put some people in the grave with how representative it is.

Once again, too much, but thank you for reassuring me :D I get nervous asking questions on blogs, even anonymously, because I always assume I've said the wrong thing. Thank you for being a safe space! [|:7

God, neo pronouns... hell, there's a good portion of the LGBT+ community itself that isn't even inclusive of people who use them, let alone people outside of it.

Well, a lot of it also deals with TERF lesbians and white cis gay men tend to copy the same rhetoric in a lot of circles too, I've noticed... and they also like to conveniently forget black trans women built the rights we have, but that's mostly because they can easily pass in most circles, too. And, well, a lot of TERFs are racist and it's not that uncommon to find white gay men who are, too. I mean, god, there was even one on a season of Survivor... who was VERY openly racist. Idk, it's just kinda wack how some people in the community act towards others; feeding into how people want us divided.

Oh, I agree. But I think a queer, neurodivergent POC in widely available media would not only put people in the grave figuratively, I think it'd be literal, too. In a really bad way. I feel like a lot of conservatives would go apeshit and I don't even wanna know what that'd come to, given all they've already done in the last two years alone.

I'm glad you feel comfortable enough to ask, I hope that's not being presumptious of me but I do really hope you feel comfy here! We do try to be as open as possible, as often as we can, given Faye and I both are queer people who know what it's like to be excluded, and even though I know I am talking negatively about white gay men, I'm not trying to exclude them; I just want them to be aware that there are many white cis gay men who are incredibly negative in the community, and as such, they should be mindful of what their words will carry to other people.

[sharktankketo01-blog]

Shark Tank Keto Diet Tablets: The best way to Spot a trick

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[periodically-changing-names]

Further and Farther away

A/N: character's death and tons of angst.

Summary: "Sasuke-kun, I want to grow old with you" were the wirdst he wanted to hear again.

He saw it in her eyes the moment they looked at each other. It was al over her, in the softness of her words and the brightness of her smile. His wife had truly missed him.

...

He knew now how time dilation worked. The further he travels, the farther they will get from each other. "It's simple physics" his wife says. But he notices.

She is just as troubled by this realisation as him, that they eventually won't be able to recognise eachother.

He promises to come as often as he can. After all even from afar he can feel his wife's longing creeping in to his skin and reminding him of his own yearning. It getting bigger and bigger now not only because of how long he traveled, but also because of how far.

Until one day he gets lost. Dimensions are often tricky and he ends up slipping into one that is just that much further away than he ever wanted to go.

"Sasuke-kun, I want to grow old with you" was the unspoken mantra between his teeth.

...

When he comes back. He sees his daughters face carved into the mountain. And he is flooded with questions. He feels his wife's chakra and rushes to the hospital. Surely his lovely wife would be working herself to the bone like she always does. What he finds though is a woman in her fifties, fixing him with the most beautiful pair of green eyes he has ever seen.

They go home together. Sasuke is now around 20 years younger than her. Because of that, he is extra soft and caring. They kiss and cuddle like teenagers, while burning with the endurance of mature love.

But he sees how tired she is and he tells her so, softly... And she takes it the wrong way. She murmurs how 'offcourse he wouldn't be interested in a woman that much older than him, what was she thinking... Maybe if she were to use the seal, she could look younger and much more appropria...' So he kisses her in the neck, in the jaw, in the lips.

"Tsuma, we should eat something and go to sleep"

"They will have so much time from tomorrow on". He falls asleep with his wife in his arms. He wakes up knowing it to be only wishful thinking.

A day after his return his wife went into a coma. She had been sick and weak until that day. So much so that not even she could fix herself. So much so, that she had cried herself to sleep thinking, that they wouldn't see each other again.

His wife, which would normally be happy and pleased by a mere kiss in the cheek and heartfelt "I love you" had suffer so much, thinking she would be betraying him by dying, that he had left her for good, because he didn't love her, or that not even her death would make him deviate from his mission

So Sasuke waited by her side. Just as she had patiently waited for him. So that she could feel his constant presence.

He wouldn't eat though, only sporadically drink and take almost boiling water showers, to keep himself clean and not compromise Sakura's health any farther. His wife's condition just making him feel nauseous and his heart feel heavy.

He did felt better, When he was by her side though. So, in spite of himself, he would sneak into her room at night, slip soundlessly into the hospital bed with her, cradle her softly against his chest to keep her warm, kiss the crown of her head and sometimes even beg for her to open her eyes again.

If not for him, for their daughter. If not for his love for her, for hers.

A week after Sakura fell into a coma, she is declared clinically death.

...

Naruto tries to talk him into it. His daughter can't even come into the house and talk to him at the same time and Kakashi almost tries to take him to the funeral by force. But it doesn't work. He just wants to stay in his bed... Their bed. To still try and be close to her.

Later he tries to be as far from her as he possibly can. His grieving makes his heart ache so strongly when he sees her face, that he thinks that if he were to rip it out, it would burn less.

He liked sleeping and seeing her in his dreams. Eventually though he becane aware, that her body was cold, her smile fake, her eyes blank. And he didn't want that. He just couldn't stomach the memory of her beloved wife being tainted by his dreams.

That's why, when the nightmares came. He just accepts it. At least the picture of his wife choking in her own blood while he presses his cheek against hers, holding her with his only hand, feeling powerless, is much more realistic.

Sometimes he asks himself

although only for the tiniest of seconds, why did they fall in love with eachother in the first place. The pain he was feeling was so excruciating, that even a fraction of it would outweigh any and every happy moment he could have brought her.

"Maybe Sakura would have been happier without me", he reasons. Maybe she thought exactly the same and knew her love to be much more stubbornness than love. After all in his travels a second to him had been more than a month to her. So Sakura had had more than enough time to ask herself the same.

So he doubts his wife love. He wants to find comfort in someone. He talks it over with Kakashi, who is baffled, with Naruto, who brushes it off, with his daughter, who cries in his arms, just remembering how painful it was to see her papa go and to not know, when he will come back

'Everybody around him is grieving and they are all in denial'. He accuses.

He tries to find comfort in other things: alcohol, gambling, sex. But alcohol didn't help, gambling was boring and although there were a lot of generous men and women offering themselves, he was a married man, he would never cheat on his wife.

Naruto visits him a third time that week. Trying to talk things over with him. Telling him that he can see that he is in pain, but what he is doing to himself, would hurt Sakura just as much. At the time though, Sasuke doesn't care. The realisation of how much he hurt his wife had been eating at him, at his heart ever since. It brought him nightmares of his happiest times with her, to then rip them apart...the moment he knew he was in love, their first kiss, the first time they shared the intimacy of lovers, the moment they knew Sakura was pregnant, the day of their daughter's birth. It is always the same. He looks into her eyes. The way they shine bright full of happiness, just to turn blank and die out in front of him.

So Sasuke, for the first time in 2 weeks, feels something other than pain and confusion; Anger, he kicks Naruto out. How dare he imply that his wife loved him, how there he say that she cared about him. If she ever did, she wouldn't have let him fall for her, love her, let him put his heart in her carrying hands. That's right, she just took advantage of him, of his love-craving heart, of the happy memories they shared from their childhood, of the way he started getting kind of nervous around her and the way her smile made him feel or bubbly and weird.

Inmidiatly after, he feels worst. Not his wife nor his friend deserved that. That night he starts doubting himself. Why was he trying to delegitimize his wife's love for him? In fact wasn't he trying to do that with everyone else's love. Why was he crying over a picture of her again? He thought he was done with this. He had hoped that if he hated her enough she would go away, but it wasn't working.

...

He should have know though, he is a grown man, that has love and still loves in that way. Pain had only cover up the needs, but they would inevitably resurface. Also, he still remembered the embarrassment of the first time he truly felt the that kind of pressure coiling there. He had had something that could barely be call a mature dream, but had his at-the-moment-still-only-a-friend-of a wife saying his name in a slightly to provocative way and that had been enough already. He was flustered, sweaty, in need of a cold shower and new bedding.

So when he greets his wife into his thoughts. He rationalised, that he knows her body best, that even if he isn't yet ready to believe again that she loved him, he at some point did, so it was almost close enough.

He takes care of it and feels so guilty afterwards that he at least has to apologize.

Which takes him to this moment, having visited his wife's grave in the coldest day of winter. He stays for 5 hours until he can feel his own heart freezing and numbing the pain.

He stops at Ichiraku, hoping that the memories would warm him up. They don't, instead he listen to Teuchi's story, that although in rent still visits his daughters business, of how he himself lost his own wife, of how it is still as painful as ever.

Sasuke returns home with the conviction that his wife loved him. He doesn't even know why . He aches the same, but somehow, knowing that the pain won't ever go away, makes him desire the comfort of his wife's love even more.

He is so emotionally spend, that he just collapses on their bed and drifts off. And he sees her again, how her pink long hair is softly being moved by the blowing wind while his head sits in her lap. She is brushing his hair softly with one hand and holding a book with the other. He slowly, almost timidly, tries to take her attention by raising his hands and brushing both of her cheeks. He feels the warm of her skin in the tip of his fingers. At first he worries that she wouldn't recognize him, but it is there the silent aknowledgment in how she beams at him... with an earnest smile and a soft look.

--------------------------------------

Ok, hear me out here. This is my first Fanfiction *ever* and probably the first story I write since I left primary school. I am also not a native speaker and haven't spoken English in over 4 years since I graduated and study in medicine in my second language, german. Nevertheless I do read a copious amount of philosophy and fan fiction in English. I was inspired by trash's Faster than starlight, Marquise de Nile's Syncope, pain-somnia's Helping Hands, TyyTyy's the Deepest of bonds

All incredibly beautiful Fics that make my heart ache in all the good places.

P.D plz for the love of everything that is good quality Fics, read this Fics and if you don't like sad stories, which I can understand, read "work husband" from Marquise de Nile (my favourite Fic/one shot of all times)

Sometimes I think of the transitions in short stories.

Like, this went from grieving, to fight with friend, all the way over to masturbation and ultimately acceptance :D.

It did hurt my heart to let Sasuke die. But he had mistreated himself for over 2 weeks. And I hope I wrote that semi-open ending convincingly. I did mention the freezing heart, which is a reference of a real kardiovascular condition in which cold blood enters the heart and causes severe arrhythmia.

I love Sasusaku. They are the cutest. Even when I write them dying and I mean that in the best of ways.

[anotheraldin]

“The American public square seems dominated by two proposed ideals of masculinity. The first is what we might call the Progressive Male: he is sensitive, intellectual, woke, does dishes, is a stay-at-home dad, and is so in touch with his feminine side that he seems to straddle the male/female boundary and even dissolve it altogether. The second is what we could call the Traditional Man’s Man: we can imagine him coming in two models; there is the blue-collar father and husband who knows right from wrong, knows ‘what it means to be a man,’ enjoys beer with the boys and baseball with the kids in all its Americana glory… think Kevin Costner roles; and there is the white-collar model, either the corporate titan or the moral pillar of the community.

One feature of the recent Progressive reaction against establishment (elite and/or White male) norms is that the Traditional Man’s Man has been severely critiqued by Progressive and liberal voices. Many of these voices see the Progressive Male as the obvious replacement for the proper role model for biological males in a society that they hope will soon eliminate male/female as categories with any economic or legal meaning and embrace gender as a fluid spectrum defined by each individual’s subjectivity.

This situation has provoked a strong and understandable reaction among many Muslims, both men and women. Important aspects of this Progressive, liberal vision and the model of the Progressive Male find little support in the Qur’an and Sunnah. Indeed, both seem to contradict strong themes in core Islamic teachings. Islam does not envision any removal of the distinction between male and female. “And the male is not like the female” (Qur’an 3:36), God says. “For men there is a share of what they have earned, and for women there is a share of what they have earned” (4:32). In Islam, gender is not determined subjectively but objectively by one’s physiology. Even those Muslim scholars who have accepted that people can suffer from gender dysphoria only permit medical procedures to effect a sex change if some clear evidence can be shown for a real psychological condition.

Critics might object that Islamic law regularly recognized the existence of people with ambiguous genitalia (hermaphrodites) and it has always recognized that gender is fluid, acknowledging the reality of effeminate men (mukhannath) and masculine women (mutarajjila, saʿtarī) and, generally, that people with such inclinations are blameless for their condition.[2] This is all true, but it only proves the points being objected to. Effeminate men are still men in Islamic law, though some legal rulings might not apply to them regarding mixing with women. Masculine women are still women. For hermaphrodites, their dominant sex must still be identified by some means or another so they can be placed in the male or female category. If there is absolutely no external bodily marker of sex for an adult hermaphrodite (an inconceivably rare occurrence), then the category is determined by which sex the individual is attracted to (i.e., if they’re attracted to women, they’re a man, etc.).[3]

So, many Muslims (and here I’m addressing Muslim men in particular) cannot accept what they see as Progressive liberal efforts to delegitimize traditional models of masculinity and replace them with a model committed to dismantling categories confirmed in the revelation of the Qur’an and central to the tradition of Islamic law and ethics built upon it. Many Muslims, especially young Muslim men, have reacted in the same way that many other more conservatively inclined Americans have: by sympathizing or even identifying with those figures who denounce the perceived Progressive liberal agenda on sexuality and masculinity, such as Jordan Peterson. If the only choices one sees are the Progressive Male (and the Progressive vision he comes with), on the one hand, and an angered defense of the Traditional Man’s Man by effectively Alt-Right and Men’s Rights champions on the other, many young Muslim men conclude that the second choice is, by far, the superior.

They also see in the hyperbolically re-imagined ‘Traditional Man’ a near image of the Third World alpha male that many grew up with in the immigrant cultures their parents and grandparents brought with them to the West. Many a young Muslim man in the West grew up watching TV while his sisters cleaned up after him and took turns with their mother serving him food and drinks. Many grew up with at least some notion that a real man was one who ruled over and enjoyed the devoted service of his womenfolk. And so, for many young Muslim men in the West, taking the side of Alt-Right critics of Progressive liberal gender norms is both common sense and in accord with Islam not just as they understand it manifested in Islamic doctrine but also in the lived experiences of their parents’ ‘true’ traditional Islamic lifestyles in those places and times before their move to America.

The problem is that this ‘Traditional Man’s Man’ is not inherently Islamic at all. Taking the question of wives cooking and doing housework as an example, according to the Sunni schools of law this is either not required of her, required only if her husband is poor and she does not see the job as beneath herself, or her duties are based on the customary expectations in her particular society (this was recently discussed by my teacher Shaykh Musa Furber as well as others). The Sunnah of the Prophet ﷺ certainly instructs wives to respect and obey their husbands but it also clearly states that respect is only due in what is known as right in that context.[4] Husbands can expect their wives to heed them to the extent that such heeding is accepted in the culture they live in.”

Muslim men disapproving of the Progressive liberal model of masculinity should not turn to a reactionary masculinity produced by the West’s angry conservatives. They should heed the ‘goodly example’ given them by the Qur’an (33:21), whose conduct should be compelling for all believers: the Sunnah of the Prophet ﷺ. And he did not sit around letting his womenfolk serve him. As his wife Aisha described him, he would mend his own clothes, milk his own sheep, “and serve himself.”[5]  He would help his wives prepare meals.[6] “He was,” she said, “in the service of his family (kāna fī mihnat ahlihi).”[7] When the Prophet’s daughter Fatima came to him complaining of how her hands had been calloused by domestic work and asking for a servant, he dismissed her complaint by telling her that praising God was better.[8] This is just my interpretation, but it seems almost as if the Prophet ﷺ felt that being served was a self-indulgence that is better avoided.

[truthandlove]

We are Already in a Matriarchy

On Twitter, so many black women ranting and raving about going against the Supreme Court and killing their own babies. Now probably Twitter is pushing, promoting, and elevating those tweets because it has an agenda, a narrative and opinion to push. But when women weaponize their own femininity, they have been tricked into embracing their own destruction, while mislabeling it as empowerment. That is textbook deception. Then this talk I see on Twitter about going on a sex strike to force men to do what these deathmonger women want. So they admit they have weaponized their own sexuality as a means of manipulation. As with any psychopath or tyrant, the end justifies their means. But you cannot do evil and expect good to result. Most Americans don't understand that all this talk against the "Patriarchy" imagining it to the the source of all your irritation, is just covert or indirect anger/rebellion against God Himself. They don't understand that THIS IS WHAT ANCIENT AFRICA DID. They don't understand that WE ARE ALREADY IN A MATRIARCHY, exactly like ancient Africa. And even thousands and thousands of years later, Africa has still not repented of or risen above the CURSES that this brought upon them. The talk about the patriarchy is just DISTRACTION from the fact we are in a Matriarchy. Today's society is where 7-10 rapes are by women on men. Yet they use rape and anything else to justify baby killing via a paid assassin called an abortionist. Most cheating is done by women. Most adultery by women. A very promiscuous hetrosexual man might manage to have 3 sexual encounters a month. A super rich one, more, of course like Epstein, but that is rare. But a promiscuous women can have 6-12 per night. A literal sex slave trafficked women would be forced to have 12-20 per day. Meaning, they are behaving almost like a trafficked woman, but are self-trafficking themselves for free :-( A white American couple was dating and broke up, "we can see other people". After 3 months, she tried to get back together with him. She was tired of being pumped and dumped, so to speak. The man took his "sexual liberty" to go out and sleep with 12 different women over 3 months. Meanwhile, woman slept with 300 men in the same 3 months. Both the man and woman did things awful for their soul. But society tends to drastically underestimate the promiscuity in women and at what young ages women rush to literally ruin themselves and flush their future fulfillment down the drain. Satan has such a tight grip on them because they are gripping onto Satan right back! That is because we are in a Matriarchy, whereby men are delegitimized and women have little to no accountability. Men are overly hated, and women are overly assumed to be truthful and virtuous. Women are libertine and confuse that with liberty. They have embraced EVERY deception thrown at them! The famous quote: "Gratification without responsibility is the foundation of insanity" is proving itself to be frighteningly true. The spirit of delusion is rampant. Women are experts at "looking good". In lies they tell to pump their status. But also in the literal product they put on themselves, perfect hair, eyes, makeup, etc. etc.. But do they even put 10% of that same effort into BEING good. Into being virtuous? Into developing patience, unselfishness, and self-control? Hardly. Their lives thus become houses built on sand, and they WILL collapse. Just as Africa collapsed and has not recovered after thousands of years and billions in donations. Men can be selfish, bullies, and all the rest. I am not justifying the fallen nature of men. But a matriarchy is total cruelty. It is vindictive in a way that even evil men are not willing to be. Most don't know about how all the things women are lured to promote today, was what ancient African women did that ruined their culture, their nation, their male-female dynamics to this day. Most don't identify the core issue and thus never find a solution, a healing, a redemption. Their men, till this day won't be fathers and cannot stand to be around their own females longer than to pump and dump them. African women turned to witchcraft with a devotion and dark thirst seen nowhere on Earth. To power, and power over the man, to a greater degree than any other continent. Today we see people like Jada Smith who is a witch and who has the Jezebel spirit. Jada has entire groups of man under her witchcraft control, using them like puppets, positioning them like chess pieces. Who here knows the truth and will tell the truth? It is in Africa that most embraced the forbidden knowledge of the fallen watchers. It is ancient African females that abandoned their men and instead paid/bribed/enticed the fallen angels to have sex with them, getting in return the black magic, the sympathetic magic, the potions and poisons. Hear me: it is not only that the fallen angels were seeking the most beautiful women to have sex with (Genesis 6), it is that, in Africa, their women were seeking and imitating sex with the fallen angels! They lusted after POWER and did any dark and degrading thing to their body/soul/spirit to get that power. They made ancient and binding agreements with the fallen angels to get that power / forbidden knowledge of control and magic, bring terrible curses upon their land and its people. Africa has yet to admit this or repent of it, and thus its curses are still ingrained in them. Today's America (at least in the liberal cities) is as debauched as Pompei and the town-wide sex-festivals they were having right as the volcano buried them. This spirit of inversion, of defiance, of fierce autonomy is best friends with the spirit of desolation. God has told multiple prophets that He will lure the wicked into certain cities in America, only to have those cities be utterly decimated. The fallen angel worship and the defiant spirit of rebellion must be removed off the face of the Earth because it destroys everything it is allowed to touch.

[thesaltminers]

The Curious Case of Megan Derr

Megan Derr is the co-owner of Less Than Three Press, an indie LGBTQ publishing house--and she’s also their most prolific author. Before LT3’s founding, Megan posted her slash fiction on LiveJournal and Fictionpress, epicenters of older wank that unfortunately went unrecorded.

Over the years, Megan has been embroiled in several dramas, none of which impeded LT3’s growth. When juxtaposed with similar controversies, this lack of fallout becomes curious.

Was she just Not That Bad, comparatively? Did people not care? Or had Megan's navigation of the drama de-escalate any chance at a larger blow up? We investigate.

Why does Megan matter?

As visible co-owner of a successful and award-winning LGBTQ press, Megan is officially a gatekeeper. Her personal opinions matter and her voice reflects on her business… theoretically. Of course, in the past Megan has implied she was a martyr for the community, working so hard for them, whilst neatly minimising that her profit also comes from that same community

Nonetheless, she has a direct hand in what gets published, which is her right as co-owner. LT3 proactively publishes trans, bi, ace, and other less-exposed areas of the queer spectrum.

While this is obviously wonderful in a lot of ways, LT3's prominence in this particular publishing sphere becomes concerning when you realize that Megan Derr's personal beliefs and ethics drive the majority of the publishing decisions, and thus, what representation is produced. Given her avowed dislike of #OwnVoices (which will be expanded upon further in this report) and her insistence that the subject of a genre is not the audience for that genre, the implications are troubling.

We posit that Megan skirts the line of actionable offences, but works to "poison the well" or create a toxic environment. This is more ephemeral than other infamous instances of wank, but it is a long-running pattern of behavior with real consequences for both individuals and the community as a whole.

Social Media Climate

Recently, we compiled reports on Santino Hassell and Riptide Press, the latter of whom is still attracting attention for bad decisions.

Social media is primed for another explosion. The match was lit when the Bi Book Award finalists were announced and several Twitter users took umbrage with the two competing publishers of the year: Riptide Publishing and Less Than Three Press.  

The current call out

Twitter user BrookieRayWrite reacted to the Bi Award announcement with a threaded post, which included screenshots of Megan's past behaviour. They referenced two incidents: Megan’s dislike of #OwnVoices—a movement in publishing to uplift authentic minority experiences so that people could find content they felt connected to—and her blog post declaring M/M is for women.

However, this was not the first time someone tried to call out Megan. Heidi Belleau, an author LGBTQ romance, posted a comprehensive thread in 2016.

The rest of which, can be found here.

Nothing came from this Twitter call out. But now Heidi has resurfaced with her complaints about Megan, and with her comes an old wank standby to defend Megan--Aleksandr Voinov.

Yep. He called her crazy. In case you missed it, Heidi Belleau takes on this moniker to analyze its silencing and delegitimizing function. In short, Voinov is not only being ableist, he is actively working to create a hostile landscape to voices critical of Megan Derr.

Moments of Note

“No Gay Aces”

In an incident that went unrecorded, but that we witnessed at the time, an author published a book with a character who identified as “gay ace.” Incensed, Megan declared that there was no such thing. This conflict is worthy of note because its exemplifies Megan’s confidence in her own rightness and her refusal to ever back down from a position, a character trait that shines through in following events.

However, perhaps it also showcases Megan’s reaction when she knows she’s incorrect—as of now, the conflict seems to have been scrubbed from GoodReads. We hesitate to include unsupported facts, but feel it is important in Megan Derr's case to establish her pattern of behavior, in order to examine her tactics and strategy.

“Rose Lemberg”

At the height of #OwnVoices, Megan was becoming increasingly irritated over what she interpreted as a movement to outlaw people writing outside of their identity. She replied to a Tweet by Rose Lemberg—

Apparently Megan needed a reaction, because she Tweeted at Rose twice.

Megan's interpretation of “you are not doing us a favor,” as “don’t do this,” has the unfortunate implication that she believes writing outside of her identity is doing someone a favor.

When Rose removed themself from the conversation, Megan reacted thusly:

She steamrolls over Rose's "no spoons" comment, a clear signal in the disabled community that further engagement would be literally damaging to the respondent. The fact that she ignores that signal is incredibly ableist—and if she's ignorant about that, it just shows how unprepared she is to write disabled characters, thus proving Rose's point.

After confronting Rose, and not getting the response she wanted, Megan unfollowed.

Megan apologized for misgendering Rose, and we do not believe she would intentionally misgender someone. However, it does illustrate her "shoot first" nature.

“M/M Is for Women”

Turnabout is fair play, in a sense, because Megan had her own opportunity to open a discussion and then immediately block responses to it.

Megan lobbed quite the cannonball across the community’s bow with this fascinating retort against white cis gay men, prompted by a gay man who had called out the M/M genre for its fetishism of its subjects. Out of all her altercations, this one may be the most ill-advised (in a PR sense). It is also one where she found her audience not only unreceptive, but actively accusatory.

Whatever her point may have been, Megan said M/M wasn’t for gay men. Yes, Yaoi, BL, and slash fic was, on the surface level, fueled initially by a female audience. Yes, they fall under different genre conventions than the works of EM Forster and other literary authors. But there’s something undeniably and offensively entitled about declaring ownership of a genre over the actual subject of that genre.

When Megan felt that people were ignoring her reasoning unfairly, she shut down comments.

Friend/Colleague Exodus

If one were to casually take note of the comings and goings of Megan’s friends and colleagues, they may notice a gradual change in the cast of characters. The common denominator of this situation, of course, is Megan. There is a track record of Megan and her sister, Sam, saying oddly misguided and downright offensive comments to their authors, usually trans authors, at which point the relationship is ended and the author quietly moves on.

Water off a duck’s back

People in Megan’s sphere have probably noted that, controversy after controversy, nothing sticks. Even after years of wanky drama all throughout M/M’s history, with the inevitable apologies and flounces from the authors and readers at the center of each crisis, Megan keeps on trucking. The question is, what makes her different?

Leaving the realm of screenshots and facts, there’s only theory to go on. For instance, maybe the conflicts Megan faces are small enough, and far enough apart, that no one can exactly put into words why they think she should be called out. Or perhaps the people who dislike her realize some hypocrisy would come with accusing her of something. (Those in glass houses, etc.)

From a more practical angle, she almost never apologizes. Typically, the subjects of wank quibble, apologize several times, and release statements. Megan usually just posts a few accusatory tweets and then moves on after blocking anyone who could possibly question her worldview.

As evidenced by the more recent wanks, there is generally tangible evidence of harm with multiple victims stepping forward to detail their abuse. However, this takes years and momentum for this to occur. We know that Megan has her share of victims as well, and we know that they have experienced mental and emotional harm that has had real impact on their ability to work. Yet if people were to inspect why they don’t like her, would they only find several blog posts and Tweets that are abrasive and tone-deaf?

Her Modus Operandi has always been to aggressively confront someone she disagrees with (ex. Rose Lemberg) and then flounce/block when she’s challenged. Mirroring that, when someone confronts or disagrees with her, she immediately shuts down discussion (ex. M/M is for Women blog post).

As the co-owner of LT3, she also partly controls the narrative of indie LGBTQ publishing. Her choices and attitude influence the community tone and acceptable in-group culture, and, arguably, add toxicity. However, to pin down specific instances (and therefore confront and address them), is incredibly difficult—which is possibly why every call out thus far has dwindled without fanfare.  

In Summation

The overarching, and fascinating, truth about Megan is sometimes she makes sense. Unfortunately, she also says a lot of bullshit. This may come from a lack of ability to grasp nuance.

Does #OwnVoices put pressure on people to out their life circumstances for the sake of credibility? Probably, yes. But others feel confident in self-reporting, wanting their voices out there for others to hear them. Do people mispronounce white people’s names? Yes. But that doesn’t negate the racist undertones and microaggressions minorities face when people mock their names. These, among other situations, are odd hills Megan chooses to die on seemingly because she doesn’t want to understand them.

The current call out is in reaction to the Bi Awards. Certain authors have stepped forward to Tweet their protest of LT3's nomination. They argue that Megan, as the owner of LT3, has promoted an environment that does harm to bi voices, and they feel it is inappropriate for her to be celebrated in this specific context.

The situation is still developing. From here, we can see only two branching paths. Either those running the Bi Awards rescind LT3's nomination, or they do not.

But this event is dredging up old salt. As with any wank, one is left wondering what the conclusion should be; Exile? Apology? Loss of sales? What does a successful call out look like? Megan is a real person with a wife and a business that she has worked hard to develop. She publishes minority representation because she believes in that effort.

But her belief does not exculpate her.

She has managed to repeatedly dodge accountability. Whether this is through calculated tactics or a magical formula she managed to stumble upon doesn't change the fact that she has actively contributed to making the community hostile to marginalized people. It doesn't change the fact that her status as a major publisher among LGBTQIA online presses shields her, especially as those who would ordinarily call her out for bad behavior must hesitate and consider the economic ramifications of doing so.

Now, to guess what Megan might pull from this to deflect responding to the salient points? Probably that we mentioned her mom voted for Trump.

Interesting links: 

Heidi

http://archive.is/Aio1f

http://archive.li/1IknD

http://archive.li/SsQ41

Maria_Reads

http://archive.li/zPqGa

http://archive.li/kCInK

[lewepstein]

The Banality of Evil

“Evil” is an interesting word and not one that we usually associate with modern times.  To me, it harks back to The Dark Ages in Europe when Christ allegedly battled Satan for men’s souls and sinners were  condemned to spend eternity in a fiery hell.   For a therapist like myself, the word “evil” is also an outlier, with much of the field  grounded in the social sciences and more recently the physiology of the nervous system and the brain.  Psychotherapy’s foundational principles and methods have mostly to do with the use of inquiry and understanding in the service of change and there are probably few therapists who subscribe to the more fatalistic belief that there is inherent darkness lurking in the human heart.  And yet, the existence of what has begun to feel like an impulse or instinct to do evil becomes harder to deny as privileged individuals who live in a post-Enlightenment world, and are the beneficiaries of affluence, science and an almost unlimited access to knowledge continue to act in ways that are cruel and inhumane.  

This post, “The Banality of Evil,” is taken from the subtitle of a work by political theorist Hannah Arendt.  The full title of her book is “Eichmann in Jerusalem: The Banality of Evil,”  published in 1963.   It was written during the trial of Adolph Eichmann, the Nazi war criminal and architect of what was called “The Final Solution,” - the extermination of over six million Jews in more than a thousand German concentration camps scattered throughout Europe between 1933 and 1945. ​​  What Arendt saw as “banal,” as she observed Eichmann during those hearings was how inarticulate, ordinary and even boring he was.  He would claim during the trial that he had no particular hatred for the Jewish people.  No malice at all.  He also stated that he bore no personal responsibility - just a man following orders and doing his job - a joiner all his life with a need to belong.  

My personal definition of evil includes a lot of what Hannah Arendt describes in her book.  It also relates to things that people may see as normal and reasonable -  the beliefs they hold, the leaders that they follow and the actions they take.  But when it comes to rooting out and understanding evil, there are two crucial questions that people need to ask themselves:  Are my actions doing harm to and disempowering others?  And, am I allowing others to disempower people with my knowledge of it?  Whether this kind of cruelty occurs in families in which one member imposes a brutal regime of control and terror on his partner or his children and sees it as justified and normal or, if it happens within a political system in which a leader and his followers dehumanize, abuse or willfully disempower another group of people - to me, the underlying ethos is the same.  

There are laws that Republican dominated legislatures in Texas, Georgia and 12 other states have recently passed or are currently enacting that are to me examples of the banality of evil.  On the surface, and to someone who knows little about the historical context, these laws may appear to be reasonable, common sense approaches to protecting the security and sanctity of elections in their states.  They have even been framed by Republican majority legislatures and their leaders as attempts to reassure citizens that voter fraud will not occur.  

What these laws are actually designed to do is suppress the votes of African Americans, Latinos and young people with laser-like precision.  The statutes disenfranchise these groups by restricting mail-in voting, purging voter rolls, diminishing the number of voting drop boxes in urban areas, and eliminating the amount of time and days that would allow members of these targeted groups to vote. Other parts of the hundreds of bills rushed through Republican majority legislatures are crafted to intimidate election workers by imposing tremendous penalties for any action that might violate these laws.  The laws also give partisan “poll watchers” the power to harass and further intimidate workers who are simply and honestly doing the job that they were hired to do.  These same state legislatures have further empowered themselves to challenge the results of elections and overturn them if they are unhappy with the results.

The Republican Party is doing what every kid who has played ball on a sandlot or in a schoolyard knows in his gut is wrong - changing the rules of the game to disempower the other team and give your own team an unfair advantage.  It violates the core values that we try to instill in our children around competition and fairness - but what is at stake for our society is much greater than which team wins a little league game.  It  has to do with the very survival of our democracy.  If winning at any cost becomes the way that we operate, and legislatures are willing to disempower another party or group of people and rig an election so that some people’s votes do not count - and they do this in order to maintain what they see as their own power, privileges and advantage - then we as a society have truly lost our soul.

What may be the most pernicious part of all of these Republican efforts is that in November’s presidential election there was no evidence of voter fraud or so little as to validate the integrity of the system as a whole.  This was upheld in court after court as Trump challenged the election results and appealed to Republican officials to “find him votes.”  He particularly cast doubt about the legitimacy of voting in cities with large Black populations in swing states - Atlanta, Philadelphia, Milwaukee and Detroit - a part of his divisive strategy and his underlying message that Black votes do not really count.  It was his “Stop The Steal” campaign and his big lie that the election was stolen that sowed doubt, fueled the January 6th attack on the Capital and  gave Republican dominated legislatures the cover to push through their raft of voter suppression laws - all in the name of stopping voter fraud that did not exist in the first place.

On the surface this may seem like partisan politics as usual - one group merely seeking a competitive advantage but isn’t that what can make evil so banal?  This underlying issue that cuts so much deeper is that there is a demographic trend in the United States predicting that it will no longer be a majority white nation by 2045. The core of Trump’s “Make America Great Again'' movement that challenged Obama’s citizenship, vilified Muslims, labels Mexicans as “rapists and murders,” and calls African nations ``shithole countries,” is a a white Chritian nationalist  “us versus them” strategy designed to delegitimize and disempower non-whites while it plays into the fears of many white Americans that they are losing “their country” to the feared others.

This is the playbook of every dictator and authoritarian regime:  appeal to a majority group and manufacture a threat about a disempowered and disadvantaged minority - for Hitler it was Jews, Gypsies, Socialists and trade unionists for Trump and the Republican party it has been Mexicans, Blacks, Muslims, LBGTQ’s and refugees.  Repeat the lie often enough and you can create a fascist movement.   Then, barrage a population with so many vile acts that they become inured to what is going on and  begin to accept the caging of refugee children and the separation of parent and child asylum seekers at our borders. Once the envelope has been pushed that far, internment camps for the despised others might not be such a stretch.

For Black people in the United States the intersection of being in physical danger and being emotionally harmed by a white supremist narrative is nothing new.   History has proven that increases in voting rights have always been followed by periods of backlash and disempowerment:  Slavery is followed by emancipation and what is called Reconstruction which included the 15th Ammendemnt - the right of Black men to vote in elections.  But Reconstruction was soon abandoned along with the enforcement of the right to vote for the former slaves. This period ushered in a reign of terror and lynching that included voter intimidation and poll taxes in the Jim Crow South.  The Civil Rights movement, along with the The Voting Rights Act of 1965 attempted to redress some of these injustices only to be gutted by the Supreme Court in 2013 and again in a decision in June of this year.  

Republican state legislatures are currently scrambling to make sure that once again there will be infringements on the rights of Black Americans to vote.  The third of America that fiercely supports these laws and  policies has been around for a long time -  they include those who would choose a George Wallace or an authoritarian Donald Trump over living in a multiracial democracy.  The policies pushed by these demagogues have been called the “politics of hate” but they always involve the willful denial of rights along with a moral injury -an  assault on a person or group’s dignity, worth and esteem.

In the big picture of Trump and the Trumpification of the Republican Party and its base, it is a story about normalizing what is criminal,  cruel and crass - the willingness to lie, cheat, steal and demean others in order to achieve one’s ends.  The underlying message to people is, “look what I can do - I can hold another nation hostage to my selfish needs.  I can demean a reporter with a disability.  I can have affairs and pay women off so they won’t talk.  I can assault women sexually and get away with it.  I can call a Black congresswoman ‘low I.Q.’  I can lie every day when it suits my interests. I can use the bible as a prop. I can even shoot someone on Fifth Avenue and pay no price for my crime.  I can say and do all that we know to be wrong and get away with it”   What Trump has done is to activate and validate the basest parts of us and has left Americans with the cynical message that we are all chumps if we do not follow in his path.  

Psychiatrists have analyzed Trump’s behaviors and labeled him a “pathological narcissist.”  Others have said that he lacks a moral center and have called him a  “sociopath.”  He has also been described as a shallow, incurious and selfish man.  I see him as an evil man, one who has unleashed the dark side of our humanity and tried to turn it into the new normal.  This is truly the banality of evil and Trump’s evil legacy and there will need to be a deep reckoning before we absolve our nation of these sins.

[creativepractice]

3.Research of Documentary topic #2 ‘Going Gay’ ‘Girl Crush’

Self-sexualisation – Allen and Gervais

Women presenting themselves in sexualised manner or as a sexual object for others

Megan Yost and Lauren Mcarthy

Investigation into the prevalence and reason for heterosexual women kissing each other at social events (Parties, Clubs etc) and despite this behaviour no one considered them to be a part of the LGBT+ community.

Statistics of Megan Yost and Lauren Mcarthy (USA) - 69% of people had seen 2 women kissing at a university social gathering - 33% of straight women reported kissing another women at a university social gathering

Reasons

56% of straight women said for male attention (boyfriend or potential partner)

43% of straight women thought it contributed to the part atmosphere

42% of straight women said it was because they were drunk

26% of straight women said female bonding

23% of straight women said sexual experimentation

22% of straight women said shock value

16% of straight women said to obtain resources like money or alcohol

‘Going Gay for Ruby Rose’ 

Statement from Ruby Rose made to the Huffington Post

"I have a couple of friends who don’t feel very warm towards it," "They’re like, ‘Are you offended?’ They personally are offended by it saying like, ‘You can’t just choose to be gay. You should say something about all these women that are saying [they’re] turning gay or realizing [they’re] gay.’

"I, personally, think that the moments we try to nitpick who can and can’t say that they are genderqueer or gender-neutral or trans, or who’s gay or who’s bi -- who are we to tell other people how they can live their lives and what they can tweet and what they can say? It’s really none of our business. I think we should let people go and say what they want to."

Opposing view

Madeline Davis - JezeBel  18/06/15

Article title: ‘Being straight and having a crush on Ruby Rose doesn’t make you edgy’ 

 ‘’A quick Google search proves that Ruby Rose has become the latest name on the shortlist of female celebrities who straight girls can safely admit to having the hots for without ever experiencing the judgement that bisexual and lesbian women deal with on a regular basis.’’

 ‘’Type ‘Ruby Rose’ and ‘crush’ into the Twitter search bar and you’ll find an endless number of straight girls boasting about their crushes on Rose, which would be cool (and great proof that sexual orientation isn’t as fixed) if it wasn’t so goddamn disingenuous.’’

‘’But let’s try not to be so braggy and self-congratulatory about it, okay? Being attracted to Ruby Rose doesn’t make you open-minded or edgy. Being attracted to Ruby Rose makes you a person with functioning eyes.’’

Evie Hartly – HuffPost UK 17/06/15

Article title: ‘Straight Women are saying they’d  ‘Go Gay’ for OITNB’s Ruby Rose and Queer women are not happy about it’

"I take offence to comments such as 'turning gay' or 'girl crushing' as I feel it delegitimates my sexuality. These comments throwaway the fact that being lesbian is not a choice.

"Language, in any aspect, that insinuates that being LGBT is a choice makes it more difficult for people who struggle with their sexuality, or aren't in the position where they can be safe."

My reflective and critical thoughts 

This is a collection of research involving ‘Going Gay’ and ‘Girl Crushes’ involving straight women. After carrying out my research I thought that this would be an interesting subtopic to briefly discuss in my documentary. I found it very much interesting that In Yost and Mcarthy’s study that out of all the reasons they discovered that the highest percentile for straight women kissing other women was for male attention. Despite straight women in Phul’s study not showing an overtly sexual attitude towards lesbians they still contribute to the notions that lesbians are there for sexual viewership and pleasure. This is a belief and issues that is upheld by both men and women despite the issue’s primary being about men’s relationship to queer women. 

The going gay for Ruby Rose was a phenomenon that can illicit polarising views. In my research I found that Ruby Rose said it was okay and referenced it as ‘nit-picking’ whereas other queer women started they found it damaging to the community and made it feel like it was trend. I think the ‘Going gay for Ruby Rose’ is an issue that can be greatly compared to the rise in big companies ‘Pride’ clothing and objects being sold by major clothing and brand companies. Some people view it has refreshing to be able to see companies such as Nike, H&M and even Nando’s showing support for the LGBT communities. However, some argue that they are profiting of marginalised people as many companies do not always donate a large portion of any profit to LGBT+ charities leading to many people calling it distasteful. Whereas companies like Morphe who’s 100% of its profits from its pride pallet went to LGBT+ charities has been praised. This can be compared as it has become ‘trendy’ to throw a pride flag up in chain companies during pride month, but its elements of harm can be viewed as minimal as 20 or even 10 years ago you would not find the companies doing the same thing. Much like the Ruby Rose issues. Straight women saying that they would ‘go gay’ for ruby rose is jumping on a trend in my viewpoint to maybe seem ‘edgy’ but it does not cause any further harm or damage in my belief. It’s a frustrating situation and continue to add to the sexualisation of queer women but once again 20 or even 10 years ago straight women would not be going out their way to state that they would go gay for someone. It is progression in the world of consumerism and a world slowly starting to understand the LGBT+ community as a whole. 

Links to resources

https://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/2015/06/17/oitnb-go-gay-ruby-rose_n_7601532.html

https://jezebel.com/being-straight-and-having-a-crush-on-ruby-rose-doesnt-m-1712328184

https://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/entry/ruby-rose-sex-appeal_n_7616274?ri18n=true

https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/power-and-prejudice/201207/girls-kissing-girls-0

[confused-pie]

An Essay on Abortion (1356 words)

So, with the recent pro-life Zootopia meme going around, arguments about abortion have been resurfaced on my feed, and I thought I’d share my thoughts. Before continuing, I would like to say that this topic is extremely upsetting to me. This morning, I got so upset talking to myself about it (I make up conversations like I’m on a talkshow as a form of self-therapy, I know it’s weird) that I genuinely felt ill and almost threw up when I tried to eat. I’m still shaking. With that said, please don’t bring this up with me unless you’re able to have a civilized discussion and an open mind.

When the concept of abortion was first introduced to me, I was horrified and appalled that anyone could consider such a thing. My thoughtless bias against women who chose to have abortions came from the mind of a very outspoken, thoughtless child and I’m glad to say I’ve moved on from this narrow-minded opinion. I understand now that the topic is layered, complicated, and otherwise nuanced. A desire for abortion can come from many different experiences, whether it’s a working woman who doesn’t have time for a baby, or a rape victim who feels the thing growing inside them is only a reminder of the atrocity of what happened to them. Both desires for freedom are legitimate, as well as medical issues regarding the need for abortion in some women. I understand a woman wanting her life to stay free, unburdened by an unwanted baby, and the victim both unready for the responsibility of parenthood and desirous of being rid of the forced pregnancy. I am not blaming these women and young girls for wanting an abortion. I want them to be healthy and happy, as I do (almost) everyone. The problem is, the fetus in question is overlooked from this viewpoint. I’ve talked to people on Reddit about their views of abortion, and the responses I got were angry and defensive, but the underlying question that we actually disagreed on was, what is the fetus. Is it a simple clump of cells inside a woman that is privileged to take up residence inside its mother, or is it a baby that has a right to live? We all have seen the scans of prenatal babies. We know what they look like; we know that they basically begin to feel pain after 20 weeks (although this is debated); we know their hearts begin to beat about 22 days after conception. What do these facts mean? This is the much debated topic of pro-life and pro-choice protestors.

The two sides are almost exclusive to the two political parties, and I feel similarly about the abortion topic as I do the political one. I don’t like either. Pro-lifers tend to ignore the pregnant woman, and pro-choicers ignore and delegitimize the baby. This everlasting problem is a great example of humanity and how irreproachably stubborn and cruel it can be. BOTH lives matter. My belief is simple as that. In my opinion, anyone who says the baby isn’t legitimate and anyone who says the mother isn’t legitimate are both wrong. As a woman myself, I would never consider abortion, or even sex, safe or unsafe. I recognize this is a sign of my the parenting I’ve received.

Many girls my age have either had sex already, or are seeking to, and this is a problem. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to have sex, it’s the concept that you need sex that’s wrong. Seeking validation from men through romance and sex is far from uncommon, and I see it in many of my friends. I’ve discussed this topic with my dad at length, and the most important thing he ever told me was that no matter what happened, what choices I made or what mistakes, no matter anything, he would always be there for me, and he would never stop loving me. I received the same message from my mother. The reason why many girls seek validation elsewhere, is because they never received that validation and unconditional love from their parents. This is not meant to ignore the struggles of trans-men in any way, I am simply completely unequipped to speak on that topic. If you have any opinions or insights you’d like to share, I’d be glad to hear from you. How people define themselves is also an important topic, and completely relevant to the topic of abortion.

In the psychology textbook, Psychology, by Don and Sandra Hockenbury (1997©), self-definition begins in adolescence. As an example, a fourteen year old begins to decide what they believe about themselves, their aspirations, their priorities, and other intellectual properties like these (Hockenbury, p 407). I know many people that lost their virginity around this point in their lives, as well. In 1997, approximately 70% of women, and 80% of men had lost their virginity by 19 (Hockenbury, p 453). How much of this was safe sex, how many STDs were transferred, and how many reported abortions there were is not listed, but they are a huge factor in this respect. These levels of sexual activity are consequential of insecurity in both young men, women, and nonbinary. Essentially, the root cause of many unwanted pregnancies are due to the attempts of young people finding themselves, their sexuality, and their validation.

Now, to move to how to deal with unwanted pregnancies, we come to the topic of Planned Parenthood. What I found about many pro-choicers, is their angelification of this company. The claim is that only 3% of services they provide are abortions, but that is hotly contested. There are also the claims that P.P. has illegally sold fetal tissue, but I will not be going into that debate in this essay. Beyond that, the founder of Planned Parenthood, Margaret Sanger, was an irredeemably terrible person. You only need a quick google search to find the racism and other forms of amoral beliefs that she openly professed. But of course, we cannot take the actions of the founder to the actual company as it stands, many years later. After all, it’s not the only one founded on amoral and unjust beliefs and principals (cough America cough the entire world cough). These testimonies are about abortion, pulled from the website silentnomoreawareness.org where you can find many more testimonies ranging from emotional and physical hurt to different kinds of abortions, both inside and out of Planned Parenthood.

Years after the abortion, I started having abnormal pap smears and going months without periods.  Eventually they had to remove my uterus because I was having so many problems and was told I was badly scarred from the abortion.  The truth is, I was scarred physically, emotionally, and spiritually. 

…I took part in thousands of abortions. I told women that their baby was a clump of tissue. I never asked them if they wanted any other choice, if they wanted to be a parent, if they wanted to put their baby up for adoption. We took their money. We lied to them. We put them on a table and gave them an abortion without ever telling them the truth about the procedure. We never told them about the pain…They are not blobs of cells, they are human beings, and their mothers are suffering. 

In 1973 I had an abortion…Later, I married well, had a lovely home, and was blessed with 3 beautiful, healthy children.  However, on the inside, I was miserable. I began suffering from severe depression, anorexia, sexual frigidity and lack of any emotional intimacy with my husband and a lack of emotional bonding with my children. I felt like such a failure as a mother already that I just went through the motions and did what I thought was best for them.  

I believe the last testimony shows why many women who have had abortions react with such hostility to my advances. To be perfectly clear, I am not judging you if you have had an abortion, if you have assisted anyone, or if you support abortion. I don’t think either side are malicious in their beliefs,  We’re all doing our best to make the world what we believe is the best place for everyone to live.

[themomentofdavyprentiss]

Could you please write your essay on the zutara, kataang and maiko analysis? I would like to hear what you have to say...

Yes! Okay so I recently reblogged this post about Yin and Yang and how Zutara does not represent it, but Mai/ko and Kat/aang do. As I said in my tags, as a zutara shipper I do have a lot of thoughts on the interpretations of these three ships written in this post. 

The interesting thing about this anti zutara analysis and the reason I reblogged it is that I almost completely agree with everything said about zutara.  

In the original post, OP goes on describe the two most popular ways that people associate yin and yang with zutara and refute them:

I have seen two flavors of the yin and yang argument for Zutara. The first is the somewhat grounded point that Katara is a female waterbender and represents yin, while Zuko a male firebender and represents yang. The second is the completely clueless assertion that Zuko is “dark” and therefore yin and Katara “light.” therefore yang.

I could not agree more. So many anti zutara shippers (and even a lot of casual zutara shippers) like to picture zutara as the good girl/bad boy ship and I really hate that because the ship is so much more complex than that. Katara is not a goody two shoes pure angel, and Zuko is not an evil badboy who needs Katara to redeem him. 

The first of these arguments, of female, water-associated, yin Katara and male, fire-associated, yang Zuko is true as it goes according to the traditional concepts of yin-yang, but it’s incomplete, outdated, and even dehumanizing in my opinion. It’s basically saying two people are right for each other based on what they are, characteristics that were inborn or cannot be changed, instead of who they are, their personality and individuality. Their actual personalities tell a very different story, as I will discuss below…

…Also frankly, the parts about masculine yang and feminine yin are the products of heavily sexist societies from two millennia ago. They reflect archaic gender roles where men are expected to be aggressive and assertive and women to be submissive and supportive….

…That’s why I don’t like the “female waterbender and male firebender are yin and yang = instant romance!” formulation. It’s sexist and heteronormative, and literalizes what were meant to be symbolic representations…

…If you’re actually interested in applying philosophical yin-yang to individuals and their relationships, it may help to think of yang as “drama” and yin as “chill.” Yang is starting things, getting in people’s faces, wearing your heart on your sleeve, raised voices. Yin is resolving things, calming down, contemplation, quiet conversation or just silent contentment. Everyone has some drama and some chill, but some people have more of one or the other. If one person in a relationship brings tons of drama, it strikes a good balance if the other can bring the chill. In this understanding of yin and yang, it should be clear Zuko and Katara are both drama llamas, that is yang ascendant. “But female waterben-” shush. Katara is more than her gender and element. Also the gender and element are symbolic representations of yin anyway, not the actual thing.

Based on what OP has written (I recommend reading the original post, even though the quote above is very long, I cut a lot of good stuff out for length) I completely agree that Katara and Zuko are both Yang. Up to this point in the essay, I 100% agree with everything written about Zutara. 

Here is where I start to disagree…

Zuko and Katara, then, don’t personify the yin-yang balance at all. They both have too much fire, too much drama, and that’s why their interactions can spin out of control and bring out the worst in both. Remember “The Southern Raiders?” Where Katara set out to murder a war criminal and Zuko egged her on? It was Aang’s calming words, his chill, his yin that ultimately moderated her rage and helped her remember her better self. Aang is the yin to Katara’s yang.

Countless essays and analysis’ have been written about how ‘The Southern Raiders’ does not, in fact, bring out the worst in both Zuko and Katara, and so I’m not going to directly respond to the above statement. I will respond to the statement about Aang and Katara, however. 

If you take Katara and Aang’s individual personalities, traits, and mindsets, I absolutely agree that Kat/aang could be a wonderful representation of Yin and Yang. Aang’s role as Avatar is to be a mediator and to bring peace. Keeping in mind Katara’s fiery personality and emotional drive, I think that the two could have had a really amazing balance if written well. The issue, however, is that we don’t see this at all, which can all be boiled down to the fact that Aang doesn’t understand Katara. Let’s look at the scene between Aang and Katara in ‘The Southern Raiders’:

Aang: Umm… and what exactly do you think this would accomplish? Katara: (sighs and shakes her head) I knew you wouldn’t understand. (She begins to walk away)Aang: (Cut to a close up of Katara as Aang and Sokka look on behind her) Wait, stop, I do understand. You’re feeling unbelievable pain and rage. How do you think I felt about the sandbenders when they stole Appa? How do you think I felt about the Fire Nation when I found out what happened to my people?Zuko: (off screen) She needs this, (everyone turn their eyes towards him) Aang. This is about getting closure and justice. Aang: I don’t think so. I think it’s about getting revenge. Katara: (off screen) Fine! (Cut to an angry and frustrated Katara) Maybe it is. Maybe that’s what I need. Maybe that’s what he deserves. Aang: Katara, you sound like Jet. Katara: (defensively) It’s not the same. Jet attacked the innocent. This man, he’s a monster. 

These are not calming words. Rather than see Katara’s determination and anger and calm her, Aang riles her up even more. He doesn’t try to understand where she is coming from. He just assumes that he already knows. And then he delegitimizes her need for closure. Rather than try to empathize, Aang tells her she is wrong and refuses to see where she is coming from. He even goes so far as to accuse her of being a murderer. 

The ultimate irony here, I think, is that when Appa was stolen, rather than show the sandbenders forgiveness, Aang entered the Avatar State and almost killed them. He would have, too, had Katara not been there to calm him down and be his yin.  

The way Aang tries to be there for Katara mimics how Mai tries to be there for Zuko. Let’s look at this Mai/ko conversation in ‘Nighmares and Daydreams’:

Mai: Zuko, it’s just a dumb meeting. Who cares? Zuko: I don’t. Mai: Well good. You shouldn’t. Why would you even want to go? (Cut to shot of Zuko and Mai standing in the window, the Fire Nation Palace before them. Mai puts her arm around Zuko) Just think about how things went to the last war meeting you went to. Zuko: (sighs)I know.  

Zuko has been completely distraught about not being invited to the war meeting. This is a huge deal to him, he wants to be the perfect son to Ozai, and he feels like a disappointment and an oversight. Mai can’t understand why this is a big deal to Zuko, and rather than try to understand, she invalidates it and acts like it’s the stupidest thing in the world to be upset over. On top of that, she throws in his face one of the biggest shames of his life, all for the sake of making him feel bad for caring. 

Let’s compare these two scenes to two scenes of Katara and Zuko supporting each other. First, Zuko supporting Katara in ‘The Southern Raiders’

Katara: But, we were too late. When we got there, the man was gone. (voice cracks slightly) And so was she. Zuko: (Cut to a sorrowful Zuko) Your Mother was a brave woman.Katara: (Cut to a front shot of Katara as she touches her necklace) I know.

Katara just opened up to Zuko about one of the most traumatic moments of her life: the murder of her mother. Zuko doesn’t make this about him; he doesn’t talk about the disappearance of his own motheR. He doesn’t try to defend the Fire Nation, his home or tell her not all Fire Nation people. He hears what happened to her, accepts how awful this was for her, and affirms that her mother was a wonderful woman. 

Now for Katara supporting Zuko in ‘The Old Masters’:

Katara: Are you okay? Zuko: No, (turning his head away from Katara) I’m not okay. My Uncle hates me, I know it. (Katara lowers herself to the ground) He loved me and supported me in every way he could and I still turned against him. How can I even face him? (Cut to a sideview of a regretful Zuko with Katara looking on.)Katara: Zuko, you’re sorry for what you did, right? Zuko: More sorry than I’ve been about anything in my entire life. Katara: (raises her shoulders) Then he’ll forgive you. (Zuko looks at her) He will. 

Zuko considers betraying Iroh his greatest regret. Iroh is the father figure Zuko never had growing up, and one of the most important people in his life. Right now Zuko is terrified out of his mind that the only adult figure who has ever loved him and supported him is now done with him forever. He is convinced Iroh will reject Zuko, and he doesn’t even want to face his uncle. Here enters Katara. She sees the regret and fear in Zuko. She knows there isn’t anything to worry about, that it’s ridiculous to think that Iroh wouldn’t forgive him. But Katara doesn’t say any of this. She doesn’t tell him to suck it up, or that he’s being dumb. She allows Zuko to reaffirm his sincerity and then reassures him that everything will be okay. 

In these interactions, you can see that even though Zuko and Katara’s personalities are traditionally ‘yang’, when they come together like this, they find a perfect balance. They don’t egg each other on or bring out the worst in each other, they bring out the best, most vulnerable, and their truest selves. 

This is what I love about zutara. It isn’t about ‘opposites attract’ or ‘good girl saves bad boy’. It’s about two people with very similar, but ultimately complementary, personalities coming together on equal playing grounds and supporting each other in the most positive way they can because the level of understanding between the two goes beyond words. It’s just natural for them to know exactly what the other needs. 

[just-shaladin-things]

Yo take this from a lesbian but biromantic lesbians are not. A thing. It's lesbophobic to say that because lesbians are not attracted to men, at all. That's you know? The whole point of being a lesbian?

Answer my ask about lesbophobia please! I need to see your response!

okay the reason we don’t really answer asks like these is bc we don’t want to get into identity politics here bc 3/4 of the mods are uhhh really heavily affected by gatekeeping and shit, and so we get literal panic attacks from these kinds of questions, and we’d rather just let people identify in ways that make them comfortable but like. okay.

if you’re fem-aligned and exclusively attracted to other fem-aligned women in some way then you can call yourself a lesbian. or would you rather they call themselves homosexual??? bc there’s also backlash about using that word on this website bc of its ties with pathologizing gayness. so what, pray tell, would you rather they use? they’re not bisexual if they are exclusively sexually attracted to fem-aligned people, and you’re saying they’re not allowed to be a lesbian even though they are, in fact, exclusively sexually attracted to fem-aligned ppl

so what’s your other option? if they can’t use lesbian to describe themselves for their attraction, and calling themself bisexual is just factually inaccurate, then what? they just can’t decribe their attraction? they’re not allowed to identify in a way that makes them comfortable? what harm is this even doing to you anyway? why do you care so much about what language other people use to describe themselves?

like i’m really sorry about coming off so harshly but i’ve been dealing with ppl telling me i’m not allowed to be a lesbian for weeks because of some arbitrary rules they’ve created and are trying to force on me. and you’re doing the exact same thing by not allowing this person to use the language they’ve been given to identify themselves in whatever way they find comfortable. and it’s rude and unnecessary to tell people what words they’re “allowed” to use, as if you have sole rights to the english language.

and language is here for us to facilitate communication and establish understanding. not for you to police and delegitimize other people without even knowing the first thing about them. so like. yeah.