#and it’s not anything serious i think it’s more so understanding the way i am and what makes me anxious or overwhelmed and accepting that

[dreamdragonkadia]

A/n; I wanted something sweet and simple to write, and Percy was the target of my affection today. p.jackson x hades!reader

“Do you think the ocean would drown me?”

Maybe it was the way his fingers curled so easily around yours, palm warm against your colder skin, swinging your hands back and forth like they were meant to fit, like Yin and Yang.

Or maybe it was the way the ocean lapped at your ankles like a curious animal, all cool nips and teasing chills that barely registered beneath the heavy heat of the sun.

You stood at the shoreline with Percy, his sneakers already tossed somewhere behind you on the sand. The waves rolled in and out, brushing against your feet, whispering secrets you couldn’t quite catch. It was peaceful, so much so, your thoughts slipped past your mouth before you could stop them.

“Do you think the ocean would drown me if I went in without you?”

Percy blinked. Once. Then again, slower this time, like he was trying to make sure he heard you right.

There was a beat of silence.

You kept your gaze on the water, trying to ignore how raw and stupid the words sounded in the open air. Typical, you thought. Another gloomy, intrusive thought courtesy of being one of Hades’ kids. Even sweet, golden Hazel had her moments like that—dark thoughts she only dared voice to her half-siblings, as if only children of the Underworld would understand.

“Gorgeous…That’s a weird thing to say,” Percy said at last, his tone careful. Not judgmental, just... Percy…being honest.

You felt a flush creep up your neck and started to pull your hand away, but he caught it before you could, holding on tighter.

“No,” he said quickly. “I didn’t mean—okay, yeah, it’s a little weird, but like, not in a bad way. You’re allowed to ask stuff like that.”

You finally looked at him, and he gave you a crooked, lopsided smile—the one that always looked like he wasn’t sure if he should be flirting or apologizing.

“I’d be pretty pissed if the ocean tried anything,” he added. “Like, seriously, we’d be having words. Me and the sea.”

You huffed a laugh, not expecting that. “You’d fight the ocean?”

“For you?” Percy shrugged, smug. “Absolutely. I mean, it listens to me. Most of the time. I think it kind of has to respect you now anyway.”

You raised an eyebrow. “Because I’m your girlfriend?”

“Exactly. Like, it’s a package deal,” he said, nudging your arm with his shoulder. “You’re with me, and I’m Poseidon’s kid, so the ocean probably knows better than to mess with you. Divine courtesy or something.”

You tilted your head, considering that. “So you’re saying I have… ocean immunity?”

He grinned. “Yep. Comes with dating me. That and killer free kiss. Won’t even charge you.” He was trying to make you smile. And annoyingly enough, it worked. You leaned into him a little, letting the gentle push of the tide nudge both of you forward.

“Thanks,” you murmured.

“For what?”

You hesitated. “For not thinking I’m weird.”

Percy snorted. “Oh, you’re totally weird. But so am I. That’s kind of the whole deal.”

You laughed softly, letting your shoulder bump into his.

He looked at you then, really looked. Not with pity or confusion, but with that quiet, thoughtful intensity he got sometimes when he was thinking more than he said. The waves rolled in and out at your feet, like the ocean itself was waiting.`

Then, without a word, he gave your joined hands a gentle tug, pulling you closer until your chest bumped against his.

“Percy—”

“You’re not weird,” he said, a little more serious this time. “You’re… you. And I adore you. All of it.”

Your heart did a dumb little flip.

And before you could say anything else, Percy leaned in and kissed you.

It wasn’t a movie kiss, rushed or dramatic. Just soft, certain, and salty with sea air. Like he had all the time in the world to give you, like he’d do it again and again until you believed every word he just said.

When he pulled back, he was smiling. “Told you the kiss was free.”

You rolled your eyes, cheeks burning, but you didn’t move away.

“Alright,” you said. “But I’m still not convinced about the ocean immunity thing.”

Percy grinned, slipping an arm around your waist. “Guess we’ll just have to keep testing it.”

“If you throw me into the water, we are fighting.”

“Noted.”

[kxsagi]

Hear me out.. Kaiser x psychiatrist reader !?!;&&(:&3 not like she was his patient but like she sorta met him through Some dating app and then met up after 3 months of online dating, and the moment they had conversations and observing his reactions, she could read him as much as he could read her, and he finds out she’s a psychiatrist and he starts to try and toughen out a little more but she calls him out but they end up in a chill date and see each other to the point where they get serious 🤞

“𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐝 𝐠𝐚𝐦𝐞𝐬”

a/n: hey pretty, ngl you requested this 5 times (i’m assuming by accident) 😭 but it’s totally okay lol

i really love this plot because i am a neuroscience major myself hehe

(dk art credits pls forgive me)

the city lights sparkle beneath you, stretching as far as the eye can see. you can’t help but admire how quiet and peaceful it is up here. it feels like a world away from the chaos of kaiser’s usual life. but then again, he’s still kaiser, even up on this private rooftop, surrounded by an absurdly expensive spread of food, wine, and the soft glow of string lights overhead. 

kaiser sits across from you, leaning back in his chair, trying to look like he’s the one who planned this whole thing. there’s an edge to his calm, as if he’s waiting for something to go wrong. it’s cute, almost like a nervous habit he’s pretending isn’t there. but you see through it. of course, you do. you always do. 

you pick up your wine glass, swirling it slowly, watching the red liquid move. “so,” you say, breaking the comfortable silence. “this is our first in-person date, huh?” 

he shoots you a look, that signature cocky grin pulling at his lips. “i could have gotten you a better view,” he says, pretending to be nonchalant. “but i figured this would do.” 

“oh, i’m sure,” you reply with a raised eyebrow. “definitely better than the crowded restaurants or a public park. i mean, you want to avoid the paparazzi, right?” 

kaiser chuckles, but it’s the kind of laugh that barely hides his discomfort. you know he’s trying to maintain control of the situation, keeping that ever-present tough guy act. but it’s slipping. it always slips when he’s with you. 

“you’re not intimidated by me, are you?” he asks, leaning forward slightly, his eyes narrowing with that familiar challenge in them. 

you take a slow sip of your wine, deliberately keeping your gaze steady. “oh, no. i’m terrified. just like the rest of the world.” 

the way his eyebrows shoot up in surprise makes you grin. he hadn’t been expecting that. it’s a tiny victory. you’ve learned that, with him, the quickest way to get him to open up is to make him laugh, or make him feel just the tiniest bit uncomfortable. 

“you know,” he continues, putting his glass down, “i don’t really do dates like this.” 

you lean back in your chair, setting your wine glass aside. “why so?” you ask, feigning curiosity. 

he shrugs, trying to act casual. “i mean, i’m usually too busy with my career. dates like this,” he waves his hand in the air as if to gesture to the entire rooftop, “it’s not exactly my thing. but i figured… i don’t know. maybe this time’s different.” 

you let the words sink in for a moment, watching him squirm ever so slightly. “different, huh?” you tease, leaning forward. “i think i’m starting to understand. you think you have to impress me, right? show me how cool you are?” 

he coughs, looking down at his plate as if he’s suddenly lost his appetite. “what? no. of course not.” 

“uh huh,” you grin, barely holding back a laugh. “i don’t know, kaiser. it kinda sounds like you’re overcompensating.” 

he glares at you, but it’s more playful than anything else. “i’m not overcompensating,” he says with a huff. “i’m just trying to make sure you don’t regret this.” 

you pause, your gaze lingering on him. “kaiser,” you start slowly, “if i wanted to regret this, i would’ve gone on a date with someone like, i don’t know, someone else. but i’m here with you.” you give him a pointed look. “so relax. you don’t have to put on a show.” 

he lets out a long, dramatic sigh and leans back in his chair, as if the weight of the world has been lifted from his shoulders. “i knew i should’ve called someone for advice,” he mutters under his breath, but you catch it. 

“advice?” you ask, genuinely curious. “what’s that gonna help you with?” 

he shrugs. “maybe how to be more mysterious or something.” 

you laugh, unable to stop yourself. “mysterious? really? you’re already so mysterious, it’s like a puzzle that no one’s ever going to solve.” 

“oh, trust me,” he says, leaning forward with a sly grin, “you’re never going to solve it.” 

“we’ll see about that,” you tease, but then something shifts in your mind. the words come out almost without thought, something you’ve been meaning to tell him. “you know… i’m a psychiatrist.” 

kaiser’s smirk falters, his eyes narrowing slightly in curiosity. “what?” he asks, his voice a little more cautious now. “you didn’t –” 

“yeah,” you interrupt, your tone light. “i’ve been reading you since the moment we met, kaiser.” 

he blinks, then leans back in his chair, clearly processing. “wait, that’s why you’re always so… i don’t know… good at reading me?” 

you nod. “yup. you’re not as complicated as you think. i just know how to pick up on the little things. body language, tone, how you react. it’s all pretty easy to read once you know how.” 

the realization hits him, and you can see it in his eyes. the pieces click into place, and a quiet awe settles over him. “so, you’ve been… analyzing me this whole time?” he asks, the hint of a smile on his lips, but now there’s something deeper behind it. 

“not exactly,” you laugh softly. “but i do pick up on things most people don’t. it’s part of the job.” 

“that’s… honestly kind of terrifying,” he admits with a chuckle, his eyes still locked on you. “no one’s ever been able to read me like that. not even my family, coaches, or teammates.” 

you shrug, taking another sip of your wine. “well, maybe that’s because they don’t know you like i do.” 

kaiser’s gaze softens, a little unexpected vulnerability showing. “and you’re not scared of it?” 

“scared?” you repeat, a bit confused. “why would i be scared? if anything, it just means i know when you’re full of shit.” 

he laughs, a genuine, hearty laugh this time, but there’s a warmth in it that wasn’t there before. it’s like the wall he’s been building up between the two of you is finally cracking. and you realize, with a jolt, that you’ve made him genuinely interested. not just in your words, but in you. and that’s something he’s never experienced before. 

“i don’t think i’ve ever had anyone see me like this,” he says, leaning forward, his voice quieter now. “and i like it. you’re not just another person in my life, someone who’s just there because of who i am.” 

you look at him, taking in his expression. for the first time, you can tell he’s not putting on an act. “so what does that mean for us?” 

he looks you in the eye, the confidence that usually lingers in his tone softened by something real. “i think it means i’m willing to see where this goes. seriously.” 

you smile, your heart skipping a beat. “yeah?” you tease lightly. “is this the part where you finally drop the whole ‘untouchable’ thing?” 

kaiser grins, a hint of his old arrogance creeping back into his voice. “maybe. but i’ll never make it that easy for you.” 

you laugh softly, leaning back in your chair, finally feeling like you’re on the same page. and for once, you’re not sure where this is going, but you’re both invested in finding out. 

© 𝐤𝐱𝐬𝐚𝐠𝐢

[angelwowings]

Hi so uhm I don’t usually post this type of stuff but about this and this.

This is a serious post of how this fandom has dehumanized me and mistreated me for my symptoms I cannot control

Tw: misogyny , ableism , mistreatment, bullying

A lot of people know that I was called out for bull shit friend group drama like a year ago. Adults are still shit talking me and my friends. Something I’ve noticed is that the appear to especially dehumanize me for “not caring about the damage I did” which is not Tue in this context. I do not feel remorse for a lot of stuff I do or shame or empathy and I am “recognized” with conduct disorder and extreme behavior issues + npd. So yeah I do not care about the harm I’ve caused I’m not able to because my brain won’t let me it’s totally understandable if people hate me for that but guess what?

They praised the other person for the exact same thing and said it’s okay to not feel empathy and remorse since they can’t. I do not have aspd but I do have issues with empathy and npd I don’t Talk about it a lot since it’s personal. But I’ve recognized the pattern in this I’m a teen “girl” (I’m not a girl I’m trans) and the other person is amab adult. I have a word that describes this perfectly misogyny! This fandom especially the adults (not any of my friends or mutuale You’re all very nice 🙁🙁) has absolutely dehumanized me for my symptoms the exact same symptoms they praised other people for. Mind you alot of the stuff I said was during a psychotic episode where I couldn’t think logically and insulted people because I thought they were going to hurt me since they triggered something in me. That does not make it right! And i know that but why does everyone accept for me get the pass? Why does everyone get accepted for their symptoms expect for me? Talking about not the perfect victim I am a very ugly result of what happens to a person when it went to extreme trauma I’m not a fawn I get aggressive and defensive and rude because I’m scared but no one seems to get that and just call me fucking evil.

I mean it has come to the point where I was dehumanized so bad some people were too scared to interact with me or be publicly associated with me because I was seen as a monster by half of the fandom. I was only fucking 15 and I’m still only 16. There’s still the same adults that refer to me and my friends as “angelwowings Group” as if I control people like hello what? My friends are their own people are you insane? Oh and let’s not forget the time people full grown adults btw blocked people who interacted with me! No they did not do anything besides interact with me and get blocked. People were scared to interact with my publicly but even then my friends still supported me.

And guess what? A lot of people I’ve met who saw the whole thing go down said you guys were sick for making a whole blog about me hating me and making posts AS ADULTS while I was 15! And I couldn’t agree more! Every adult who has interacted with that account in the way of boosting it is sick because everyone knew my vents were in there and did not care about leaking a 15 year old vent.I could go on and on about how much I got mistreated for my symptoms by this fandom

You can call me ableist all you want but In the end a lot of you were fucking ableist towards me! Oh no how dare I be a mentally ill teen online that is perfectly capable of being calm and civil unless I’m triggered into something caused by my symptoms! Oh no how dare I?! How dare I have a flight or fight mode! How dare I get aggressive when threatened! Oh how dare I not be the perfect victim! Sorry for not being your perfect victim? But guess what!

I can recognize on that I was hurting people from the doc and it was stressing them. I didn’t mean to hurt any of them that was never my intention I never wanted to hurt people so I thought I never did in the first place but I did. So I apologized to them I talked it out and realized that no matter if I was in the right or wrong I still hurt people and I need to make up for that wether or not it was intentional or not. People were hurt through me and I don’t want to hurt people especially not kids. Although I cannot feel shame or remorse for the stuff I said I can recognize that they’re wrong and take accountability for it. No I do not feel sorry for all of the stuff I said to that one adult because guess what? I’m not able to neither is he! So why did everyone get mad at me for having the same reaction? Would they not understand why I acted this way? They understood so well with the adult man so why not turn everything around when I “female” kid does it? Odd isn’t it?

I’m tired of not speaking up about this I’m not evil or ableist or whatever else you people I don’t know have called me. I was 15 going through a psychotic episode where I got triggered and did awful shit. Not an excuse at all but I was not evil none of the stuff I did was because I thought it was fun or because I was bored I’m 16. Get that through your big skull thanks.

[quietlyblooms]

tonight i’m resting and keeping to myself bc i just need a minute, but tomorrow i think i’ll tinker with my rules and tidy up this blog overall. i’ve been thinking about a few things that have likely contributed to me feeling overwhelmed here, and i need to sit down and drop old drafts/asks, clean up my followers list, and set a lil boundary. hopefully after i do, i can get back to writing and bugging y’all at a normal pace 💜

[nicespam1]

only partially related to everything else i’ve already said but so many stereotypical safe foods freak me out just a little bit like i do enjoy a vast majority of them but not just from anywhere they need to be from trusted locations

[beneaththebloodylake]

actually i hate when people take ace attorney out of the context it was made in. like im just as clueless about the details as anyone else, and its true its heavily fictionalised and mostly not a really serious representation of anything, but at least akcnowledge that that context exists when you talk about it. cause otherwise its just stupid, like everything youre saying is just random words and nothing actually to do with the series

[lizardho]

I came out to my dad as bisexual at 14 and I was PANICKED because I had a crush on a guy in my Boy Scout troop and thought I was Going To Hell Forever and he was so kind and understanding of my distress, but he had NO idea what bisexuality was. He just said “yeah but you like girls too? This is normal. Everyone is like this.” And I love my dad and trust him with my life to this day and the idea that the concept of bisexuality had not occurred to him had not occurred to me so I put it off.

By 16 though I had a crush on like THREE boys. Three entire boys in my Boy Scout troop. I felt like my sin was slowly advancing, until like an untreated cancer it had become metastatic. I remember bawling my L’il limp-wristed sissy eyes out in his big rumbly truck on the way home from a scout meeting and him telling me that it was OK, that he still loved me if I was gay, but that he knew I wasn’t gay because I still had crushes on women and that meant I was straight. I didn’t quite know how to explain that those felt *~*different*~* and that I felt like I was losing a fight to evil inside me but I again felt comforted by his reassurances and his genuine fatherly love.

At 18 I was like “hey I’m realizing all my friends are going on missions. I don’t wanna do that. Idk how to say that and I don’t have a ‘good enough’ reason to not wanna go.” So I just put it off. Again, my parents were extremely supportive of the information I gave them (I blamed it on perpetually forgetting to start the paperwork.) and one day my mom texted me that she had done the paperwork for me! And that all I needed was to get a physical! So I did that (it was awkward af tbh, my hernia check was done by a trainee doctor and she spent like 3 minutes fishing around my inguinal canals before her attending rescued me) and was sent to Mexico City where I learned that in addition to dipshit himbos with strong hands and scruffy guys with artistic hearts I was REALLY into chubby Latin men with strong personalities who bullied me a little when I lived in Mexico.

I remember my first companion got annoyed with me during an argument and said we were just gonna wrestle and whoever won the wrestling match won the argument (I stg I am dead serious this happened.) I was like…SWEATING when he tore off his tie and threw his white button-down shirt onto the ground (I won btw, don’t ask me how).

I remember one of my companions with this really intense, almost manic energy telling me that he was gonna make sure I was safe in a new area I didn’t know very well. He cooked breakfast for me and we’d go shopping together on P-Days and in the mornings before breakfast he’d jog around and do pull-ups with his shirt off and I’d do anything but look at him because my face would break out in a sweat so intense he’d think I was crying and come over to see if I was OK and somehow make it worse. He let me play D&D with myself in the evenings even though it was against mission rules because he knew how lonely and stressed I was.

I remember one of my companions was a big chubby man with a loud voice and a great sense of humor. He was kind and direct when addressing conflicts with me, and always bragged about how he knew the secrets of women’s minds and it felt like he really did since it almost always boiled down to “Treat Them Like People and Love Them a Lot. Don’t Stop Being A Person For Them. Also Eat Them Out Sloppy Style.” Our P-Day activities sometimes felt like dates, and it seemed like he was more attentive to my emotional state than I was since he was always the first to suggest we slow down our Divinely Mandated, God-Ordained, Super Sacred Work and Wonder to get a snack or check out a Pawn Shop (I love Pawn Shops).

I remember another companion who asked me to bully him every time he did something against his goal of losing weight. It was like he gave me Carte Blanche to take out my crush on him by being a nuisance and I LOVED that. I remember having a breakdown one day after we’d spent the afternoon frantically cleaning our disgusting-barely-habitable mission house to make it look less vile that it was (not our fault imo?) and I started bawling and he pulled me into a hug and he smelled good and he told me he knew it wasn’t just the house and that I was mad at him for being a Huge Dickhead for about a week (true) and that he would work on it. (He’s also a huge chaser but that’s a separate thing.)

I remember one of my companions waking up early (and our schedule is already built for sleep deprivation) to make me a “birthday cake” from knock-off Nutella and bread. He used matches for candles and woke me up, lit the ‘candles,’ pulled them out, then smashed it in my face and took a bunch of pictures while I was still madrugada and disoriented as fuck. He had the same sense of humor as one of my HS crushes and I could push his buttons pretty easily which was so fun.

I came home from my mission and started back at BYU where I became actively and aggressively suicidal. I had a stalker the year I moved up there and my dad’s solution to that was to get me a gun. I know he wouldn’t have bought me a gun if he could have read my mind, but I had a loaded pistol under my bed during a trifecta faith/sexuality/gender crisis and that was not helpful. I remember that the day I decided to kill myself I figured I’d call the BYU CAPS and see if I could get into therapy because it felt like what I was “supposed to do” so I could check my suicide boxes. My therapist was the guy who’d helped me pick a major the year before and was this drop-dead gorgeous Hawaiian man who cried when I told him how I’d been feeling.

A few weeks into therapy I met another stunning man with soft eyes and a scruffy illegal-at-BYU beard he kept pushing his luck with. He was funny, kind, patient, married, and wouldn’t give me the time of day if he knew I was crushing on him. We were in my history of psych class, which was inarguably the worst psych class I have ever had, and we studied together for every assignment and test and I realized that my feelings for him and for all the men I’d already mentioned were in direct conflict with my faith and relationship with God. My already agonizing spiritual conflict became even more wretched and as a result of this plus some other tightly-packed experiences with Mormonisms bullshit, I left the church.

After leaving the church I decided to move back to AZ and transfer to ASU. My mom helped me get a dog since I think it had started to dawn on my family that my mental health was barely getting me through the day, and she knew that we both loved dogs. Madi made my last year at BYU livable while I got my shit together and transferred. In that last year, I went on a date with quite possibly the only semi-openly-out trans person on BYU campus. It was not a great date imo, I was not doing well, but the person I spoke with was fun and fascinating and talked to me about Gender Dysphoria and it really cemented my need to go. To leave and never come back to that fucking school.

I started at ASU a month after my last semester at BYU and within a very short time frame it felt like I was coming back together, like a puzzle magically putting itself together in an environment that wasn’t slowly draining that puzzle’s will to live.

On the 4th of July, the year I started at ASU, I saw a transition timeline photo of a gorgeous happy beautiful happy radiant happy woman and her former Mormon missionary self and I realized the light that was on in her eyes was the light that was off in mine. I looked into transitioning for 3 days, sleeping about 10 hours total during that time. I started talking to other trans people on Reddit (one of whom is now my beautiful fiancée @cintailed) and after about a month of making preparations to be disowned and kicked out, something I was not sure would happen but was ready to go through to Turn On The Lights, I came out to my family and it was amazing. I started HRT a month after that. I secretly dated some dorky guys for about a year while I applied to grad schools. I got into a great grad school for me and my needs. I got FFS. I did my trainings and classes. Me and my fiancée moved in together after some LDR shenanigans. We’ve lived together now for 4 years of basically marital bliss. We have a cat named Grandmother Esmeralda Weatherwax who bites the hell out of my feet about three times a day. My bi-cycle continues to be part of my life but now it’s not as scary. Baby gays in my life have started to look to me for advice. Idk how this all happened so fast. When the years, months, weeks, days, and hours seems to crawl by so slowly now they are rushing past me so fast it’s almost bewildering. Whereas before I felt like I was living on borrowed time, past my ‘expiration date,’ now it feels like I can Fucking Breathe. I’m training myself to slow down now and it feels worth it to Live In The Moment.

Idk why I wrote this. Idk why these thoughts only seem to come up on Sundays when I’m supposed to be writing my dissertation. Idk why I’m crying rn or why I feel so happy. I’m gonna post this shit then get on with my dissertation I guess. Read more Terry Pratchett and give yourselves the time you need. Get a pet. Talk to someone. Re-examine the events that brought you here. Be gayer. Love y’all 💕

[iamnotlookingidonotseeit]

when you feel like you're fine in isolation but as soon as you interact with nice people who seem to like you you're like oh maybe I'm not perfectly well adjusted actually

[drchucktingle]

how are you human?

so many interesting comments and thoughts on my post saying buds should consider not coming up to strangers in marginalized groups and saying 'how are you a real person that actually exists?'. i will point out this: despite my VERY gentle tone a few buds said i was having a 'meltdown' for even mentioning it

others said i was being too serious for someone who is ‘not a real person’. so if you would any more evidence of what it is like to be a buckaroo like myself there it is. every day, autistic folks who may seem ‘weird’ are bombarded with messages and comments and implications that they are fundamentally not human beings

sometimes it is outright and blatant like the comments on last post saying ‘well why are you getting mad? you are not even real’ and sometimes it is in the very subtle ways that folks use language when they talk to us. there is huge difference between ‘how do you exist?’ and ‘i am glad you exist.’

anyway, something that i think many people who have not lived this experience dont seem to understand is i KNOW the poster who said ‘how are you a real person that actually exists’ probably meant it as a compliment. that is THE POINT of why i am taking a moment out of my trot to gently and anonymously let them know how it might feel to be on other end of something like this as a queer or autistic or otherwise marginalized buckaroo. it is obviously not their intent to actually hurt someone, so i am letting them know

maybe because queerness and autism are not physically apparent it is hard to explain, but imagine going up to very tall or very short person and saying ‘cant BELIEVE you are real’ as a compliment. not a great way to treat others. on my original post, an indigenous author chimed in with their own experience and feelings similar to my own. a woman who said she was very tall told her story. point is, while i do not have their experience, what i am saying has a universal thread for 'othered' folks

point is: i UNDERSTAND there is this sort of exaggerated or ironic (or maybe even sometimes very literal) language around fandom to say things like ‘how are you a human?’ to creators, but since it is not your intent to hurt, i think you might want to know how that feels to marginalized buckaroos sometimes.

obviously you can say anything you want. i do not hold it against you. also, if you think ‘oh no, did i say something like this to chuck at a convention? i am so embarrassed' then DO NOT WORRY i promise you buckaroo you are just fine. i present myself in a way that is unusual by definition, so i have pretty thick skin about this type of thing and a lot of patience. MANY buds start off thinking i am ‘a joke’ and then become fans over time and i am glad to trot beside them and prove love is real.

however there are other autistic or queer or marginalized buckaroos with smaller platforms who hear this just as much as me, so i think it is important to say it loudly and maybe together we can work on making a very slight shift in the way we speak to the ‘others’ in our lives

we do not NEED to let subtle dehumanization slip into our language. in some cases it has been called ‘micro aggressions’ but i think buds dont often consider what that means for COMPLIMENTS. ultimately, telling marginalized people YOU ARE SO AMAZING YOU CANNOT POSSIBLY EXIST may seem very fun and silly on the surface and for some folks it probably feels that way, but for others it can feel like a reminder of the broader doubt about their humanity. you can just say ‘YOU ARE AMAZING’ without the reminder of the many times autistic or queer or marginalized folks are told in a very serious and pointed way (like comments on the last post) ‘YOU ARE SO WEIRD THAT I HAVE DECIDED YOU ARE NOT REAL’

buckaroos can take this information and apply it to their interactions, or they can ignore it, that is totally fine. we are all trotting our own trots and proving love in our own way and thats okay bud, HOWEVER i feel like it is important to at least let folks know, even if that means getting told i am having a ‘meltdown’. i think it is important to have complex or difficult conversations if it will prove a little more love in the long run. THANK YOU FOR READING BUCKAROOS. i am honored to trot forward with you can tackle this kind of thing with you, and honored you buckaroos have created such an amazing space with me to pull apart these kind of feelings. THIS IS PROOF THAT LOVE IS REAL LETS TROT

[idiopathicsmile]

School Gymnastics: A Tragicomedy

So one day when we were in third grade, our P.E. teacher divided us into girls and boys. (I don’t remember what the boys had to do. Wrestling? Tackle football? I don’t know, probably not at age nine, but that’s not the point. Gladiatorial combat? I still don’t really understand kids’ sports.)

What matters for this story is that all the girls had to do gymnastics. Now—and I suspect this won’t surprise you if you know literally anything about me—I was always terrible at any form of school athletics. I am intensely, almost impressively uncoordinated. This doesn’t affect my life much at 36, but it was often a miserable way to be a kid. The only playground game I liked was playing pretend, because when you are playing pretend, you don’t have a bunch of people ostensibly on your side screaming in your ear, “Pretend faster! Pretend over there! Pretend with greater accuracy!”

Anyway, gymnastics and my clumsy, doughy little body. I couldn’t do a cartwheel. I couldn’t do a backwards somersault. I couldn't do any of it. We had an entire unit on this business and I literally did not learn how to even safely attempt a single move besides the log roll (lie flat and roll sideways on your belly). In retrospect, this seems like maybe it was in part a teaching problem, not a me problem, but that’s actually not the point either.

The point is, at the end of the unit, we were told to divide ourselves into little teams and choreograph a group gymnastics routine. My group, faced with my long list of limitations (more limitation than girl, really) decide my role will be to just forwards-somersault around the rest of the group as they do their moves. (This is itself kind of embarrassing but trust me, it is but the appetizer.) My friend Ashley has the Lion King soundtrack and we all agree that it is a great choice. The movie has only come out a couple of years earlier, and it of course features some funny, peppy options. 'Hakuna Matata'? 'I Just Can't Wait to Be King'? It's all coming together.

Carried on a wave of youthful enthusiasm, none of us even think to double-check which track Ashley has picked. Foreshadowing!

So the day of the performance comes. Another group goes right before us. They had picked “Wannabe” by the Spice Girls, which was a huge hit at the time. I mean, it still is because it’s a classic, but then it was big and new. They step onto the mat and immediately begin to do choreographed dance moves, which they have worked into their routine. We had not thought of this. Oops. Dance moves, of course! So they incorporate the necessary gymnastics, it goes over really well, the energy is high, and now it’s my group’s turn.

I take my place at the edge of the mat, the mat we are required to stay on for the length of the piece. Ashley cues up the track she’d chosen.

A song starts up. Instantly, I recognize it from the movie. It is the very slow instrumental music that plays when Simba realizes his dad is dead.

‘Well, this is not optimal,’ I think. I've been on this planet for nine years; I can see that much. But it’s too late to change the track, and so I tell myself, ‘It’s okay. I’m a performer. I can sell this.’ I put on an extremely solemn face and begin to execute a series of the world’s saddest somersaults.

Friends, when I say “sad” I mean it, in every possible sense of the word. Picture a nine year old with the gravest possible affect, determinedly doing somersaults to the slowest, most serious music she can imagine, in a careful ring around her friends who have actually learned any gymnastics whatsoever. Okay, now as the music starts to pick up and get more hopeful, imagine she gets real dizzy and in front of everyone, she rolls all the way directly off the mat, careening dangerously towards the assembled students.

Somehow, I roll myself back onto the mat, we survive what feels like hours of humiliation, we stagger away, and I blessedly avoid adding “puking my guts out in front of all of my peers” to my very short list of gymnastics tricks.

Later, I asked Ashley what in the world possessed her to choose that song.

“It didn’t have any words,” she said.

(There was absolutely no rule against using songs that had lyrics.)

Anyway, that’s why being an adult is better than being a kid.

I may have to do laundry and make my own dinner and wrestle with more complex existential angst, but you know what I haven’t been asked to do in like 26 years? Somersault for three minutes straight to the musical shorthand for “this cartoon lion cub has no choice but to process the weight of unimaginable grief for his dead dad.” And you know what? If I live another 50 years, I can be pretty confident nobody will ask me to do it then, either.

[kaisentine]

݁ ִ  ۫ ⸺ ❝ 𝐆𝐈𝐑𝐋 𝐇𝐄 𝐓𝐎𝐓𝐀𝐋𝐋𝐘 𝐋𝐈𝐊𝐄𝐒 𝐘𝐎𝐔　.ᐟ　❞

⌗ ⸺ ❝ 𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘰 𝘥𝘰𝘦𝘴𝘯’𝘵 . . ! ❞ the one thing you dread the most is your friends overanalyzing and hyping you up all because of a simple interaction with your crush—so annoying! ft. michael kaiser, itoshi sae, shidou ryusei, nagi seishiro, & oliver aiku general cw. just idiots in love, reader is so deep into denial it’s infuriating, highschool au, shidou, fem reader . . . ( MY BAD ) sticky-note i think i just yapped my brains out with this one ( what’s new! ). bomb idea, explosive writing! NAWT PROOFREAD

sticky note. BAEE 😁 thought of this cuz i was also doing snapstreaks

𐔌 . 𝐌𝐈𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐄𝐋 𝐊𝐀𝐈𝐒𝐄𝐑 is apparently so into you because . . . ❝ he snaps you in the morning ! ❞

your friend seems way more excited than you are. it’s way too early for her to already be geeked out at you opening kaiser’s snap for streaks. “i don’t get it,” you say as you open the image—he’s still at home even though most students are already in their respective classes, it’s the side of his face and really nothing special ( if you didn’t like him ). “he’s the epitome of ‘i don’t snap til i’m done with training.” she explains further yet you still don’t understand why she’s pointing it out. “does that quote even exist?” you ask, she’s off with your phone to observe the very thought out ( not really ) photo and shoves your phone into your face with her manicured finger pointing something out. “never mind that! look!” she has effectively made your brain’s circuit cut short because you don’t understand. you grab her wrist to control the distance so you can actually see. why is she pointing at his hair? “what am i looking at?” you voice your exact thoughts. “not tryna be mean to your crush or whatever, but it’s clear he has bed head!” she exclaims, attempting to remove your hand from her wrist, “there’s a reason he only snaps after training . . .” she ends in a murmur. “ha-ha, very funny. i still don’t get it.” you fake laugh at her sly comment and finally surrender her arm—letting it drop. “he hates people seeing him in the morning because of that,” she contemplates saying what she is just about to say—when has she ever done that? “maybe he wants to be the first man you see in the morning, that’s why!” she giggles, and your jaw drops; that is the biggest stretch she has ever came up with! “are you a lunatic?!? the last thing i’d want to do is show him me in the morning . . . he probably hates me!” this reaction of yours wasn’t what you friend wanted to get out from you. she was expecting to see a gleam of hope in your eyes but instead she’s met with a gloss of panic.

actually, your friend was spot on—he snaps you in the morning because he wants to be the first man you see in the morning. the strategy isn’t as effective as he would like it to be because despite the fact he has a pretty reasonable schedule like how he sleeps 7 hours every night, he only knocks out at about 2 am. he’s probably more effective at being late for school if anything. however, he’d rather you see him as at least one of the first males you see at such an ungodly time with ungodly bed head than you seeing him rush into the classroom because he’s late for the first time you glance at his ( glorious ) face that day. the man also decides he’s way too good for the stupidly cute filters you can find on the app so those are out of question—random wall photos are too. gets ness to hype him up and then chastises him if you don’t even look his way.

sticky note. i feel like this is a stupid reason but it’s such a funny concept

𐔌 . 𝐈𝐓𝐎𝐒𝐇𝐈 𝐒𝐀𝐄 is apparently so interested in you because . . . ❝ he ate a fry . ❞

your friend is dead serious but you’re just looking at her like ‘oh you actually serious?’. “sorry, what?” you bring your ear closer to her mouth in hopes you probably just misheard what she said. “he. ate. a. fry.” she repeats—nope she is definitely not joking with you. “i don’t see how sae eating a fry relates to him liking me,” you start deadpanning at her attempt at convincing you itoshi sae likes you—she sucks at this! she cocks a brow and gives you a dirty look, “i have a theory you might not actually like him . . . God that man hates fries.” she shudders at the thought. “they were the fries you brought!” she adds on, quickly regaining her composure from pure terror. “okay . . . yeah but it was one singular—not plural—fry, are you okay?” yes, you have a point, it was one fry, and now you’re concerned for you friend. she raises her hands up in surrender while sighing like she was just defeated—have you finally tamed the hostile creature? nope. there’s a sudden stupid smirk on her face that looks straight-up devious, “and plural—not singular—reasons why he is sooo interested!” she elongates and dramatizes the ‘so’, and you mentally slap yourself to make up for the stupidness you can feel radiating off her words. “i can never win with you, can i?” you ask but the answer is already clear—you cannot.

yup, sae hates fries, dearly—that isn’t some kind of secret because he is pretty open about it. once even telling you friend to . . . “fuck off,” when she thought it was a good idea to offer him the stick of pure deliciousness ( hence why she gets shivers thinking about it ). he doesn’t care about a lot of things like how he doesn’t bother himself with keeping most things private or public because he simply just does not give a flying shit. neither does he really care if he makes his feelings clear or not—mixed signals king! sure, he likes you but that doesn’t stop him from being nonchalant. the only time he’ll make openings are in soccer and anything other than that—he just lets it happen. that means if he is given a chance to ‘make a move’ and it’s served on a silver platter without him needing to excerpt any more effort? he’ll take it. if he isn’t, he waits for the next time. but that man doesn’t know anything about feelings so he thinks eating something you brought is making a move.

sticky note. this man is a FREAK but he’s a simple guy promise

𐔌 . 𝐒𝐇𝐈𝐃𝐎𝐔 𝐑𝐘𝐔𝐒𝐄𝐈 is apparently so downbad for you because . . . ❝ he said ‘if i was a velociraptor, i’d eat y/n first’ ? ! ❞

your friend reads off her phone and accidentally pushes her desk towards your chair. “HUH?” you’re just as surprised as your friend is—shidou ryusei actually said that? “you have to look at this,” she states and smacks you in the face with her phone ( deja vu WHO ), it’s the school’s blog and the post is exactly what she just said. “that’s just . . . i mean—what?” you find it quite hard to comprehend what you were reading because what do you mean the weird guy you like posted that? “is that edited?” you ask for confirmation—you literally can’t believe it. she clicks the profile and it is him, you feel your face flush when you’re bombarded with images of him. “i get it! i get it!” you bark and swat her hand away, “whydoievenlikehim—“ you mutter before covering your eyes like you just saw something so distasteful. “girl, i don’t know . . . but he totally likes you,” she shrieks, turning off her phone so such madness is no longer seen. you aren’t entirely buying it, “i doubt it, if i was some kind of carnivorous animal, i wouldn’t eat the guy i like—at all!” you say with a frown on your face. she looks at you, looking even more horrified at what you just said to her. “his thinking process is probably out the window, y’know? he probably just means he wants you to be with him forever!” “in his stomach? no thanks.”

what makes you think shidou ryusei is okay in the head in the slightest? if he likes someone—he makes it so obvious! he doesn’t second guess his words, much less his online posts so as soon aas he was done typing out the words, he clicked post almost immediately. doesn’t regret it one bit. his eyes land anywhere but sae? that is truly a feat . . .

sticky note. does this even happen. also nagi really likes sleeping

𐔌 . 𝐍𝐀𝐆𝐈 𝐒𝐄𝐈𝐒𝐇𝐈𝐑𝐎 is apparently so desperate for you because . . . ❝ he sleeps on your shoulder . ❞

your friend is referring to the multiple times your crush has decided to accidentally fall asleep on your shoulder. “so . . .” you urge her to elaborate her point further than she already has. “and he only does it when he’s next to you,” she discerned, whipping out photo evidence in the form of a printed piece of paper. it’s really nothing too special—just the two of you sitting next to each other on the waiting lounge’s couch, waiting for your guys’ turn for the school’s mandatory medical check-up. he looks quite comfortable, arms crossed and manspreading ( 😭 ) but his head is rested on your shoulder—sleeping. “. . .why’d you print it,” you gasp at such an absurd action to prove a point and you quickly rip the paper out of her hands, “you’re insufferable.” you shake your head in disappointment. “a girl gotta do what she gotta do, y’know! how much more obvious does he need to be???” ugh, she’s being so dramatic—he’s just sleeping on your shoulder. “he probably realized i . . .didn’t mind so he doesn’t care,” you reject the idea. “you might be the insufferable one—why do you think he keeps doing it?” she says and you so want to side eye her but you aren’t going to turn sideways to do that because that is mad embarrassing. “i don’t know! he’s just some sleepy guy like,” you give her a pout before continuing, “. . .and people said that they feel sleepy around me.” you admit. “nah, they’re just saying you’re boring!” she giggles—did you not put that together? you playfully push her shoulder in annoyance. “but i’ll give you the answer—he wants to close to you, or in other words; he likes you!”

nagi is the type of lazy where he thinks it’s too much of a hassle to confess first but thinks making physical advancements don’t count. he can easily sleep anywhere, honestly. he likes his sleep but he loves good sleep and you just feel like a good person to sleep on so he decides to try it—and he’s right. he did do it accidentally the first time, it was on his mind but he really didn’t mean to! sleep just drenched his eyes and he was out cold—on your shoulder. there, he decides he likes you more than just a comfy pillow to doze off on.

sticky note. i feel like reader is very justified LMFAO. yk i have a friend who has more than a mu or a situationship but aren’t dating and she said he longest more than friends but not not dating was like 4 years

𐔌 . 𝐎𝐋𝐈𝐕𝐄𝐑 𝐀𝐈𝐊𝐔 aiku is apparently so smitten for you because . . . ❝ girl, he confessed . . . ❞

your friend resists the overwhelming urge to bitch-slap you because you long-pressed your dms with him. the message wasn’t some kind of special confession just a simple ‘hey i know we just started talking but i think i’m inlove with you’ God reading that made you cringe. “yeah nope, not buying it.” you know he probably knows you saw it because of that stupid green dot on your profile but his message is still left on delivered. “why not?” she asks, “he knows you’ve read it, why edge him?” she pulls out her phone from her bag and faces her back towards you. “what are you doing . . ?” you’re honestly scared what she’s planning because even though you could also just stand up and look over her shoulder—she’d run out of the classroom and disappear. “texting someone,” she says while she’s rapidly typing out something, her shoulders shaking. “i don’t like the sound of that,” you refer to the hidden underlining of her tone, “you’re scaring me—ugh—whatever. i just started texting him, he barely knows me, he’s probably had 4 girlfriends in the span of 5 months—what makes me any different?” like—not trying to degrade yourself but you’re worried that he’s just going to play you too. “if he does, i’ll break his heart!” she says in resolve, doing the cliche moment of lifting up a fist and you giggle at her. there’s a quick buzz from your phone and it’s from the girl in-front of you, “what’s this?” you raise an eyebrow, clicking the notification pop-up. “just read it,” okay . . . if she insists. dot. dot. dot. there’s invisible crickets going off in your head. “is this from sendou?” “uh-huh.”

unbeknownst to you, your friend was actually texting her situationship ( of like 8 months LMFAO )—sendou shuto to ask him about oliver’s confession since they’re friends and all. ‘aiku n y/n? oh yeah he’s totally smitten man, i ain’t never seen aiku talk about a girl like he does w her’ is the message she forwarded to you that let the crickets rip! no but seriously, he normally has cycles like when he’s with one girl but then breaks up with her because he got eyes for another but now he promises that he only wants you!

bonus on why reo likes you because i might not be writing as much as i did this week because of school :p

mikage reo ⸺ ❝ he bought your entire christmas wishlist . . . ❞

[puptrefied]

Hi! Do you take requests?

If so, I think a fic bases on this excerpt:

"she can't have her parents walking in again. poor cassandra…finding your daughter with her whole face buried in between a girl's thighs is not the most ideal situation"

of your cailtyn story would be phenomenal 🙏

If you don't, feel free to ignore this! :)

　let's start by saying caitlyn knows how to eat pussy and loves doing it :3 babe could have it for breakfast, lunch, dinner and even dessert. she wouldn't call herself an expert per se, but she's quite proud of her talent.

sure, receiving it feels good—but what's better than knowing you're making a girl cum with just your mouth? to cait, absolutely nothing. the moans, the hair-pulling, the thighs clenching against her head ♡ ugh chef's kiss.

( she came untouched a few times from it but you did not hear it from me ok? )

it's usually one the first things she does when you successfully sneak into her room. like a reward for getting through massive place she calls home without anyone noticing.

your back against the bed and legs immediately spread to expose the sight she absolutely adores. god, she could just stare at it forever and it'd still have the same effect in between her own legs. new panties are needed.

she doesn't dive in face-first like an animal the second your clothes are off, even if she does feel like a starved woman. she starts by slowly kissing your thighs and caressing any bit of skin she can, hand sneaking up your abdomen and ribs to massage your breasts a little—don't mind it.

“should I continue?” cocky because she already knows the answer is a breathy ‘yes, please’.

oh and she gets way more cocky once she finally starts working on you, soft and slow stripes and twirls with her tongue. nothing fancy yet; she wants to tease a little more.

the second your hips start bucking into her mouth though? girl, grab onto something because she takes the signs IMMEDIATELY.

legs propped up on her shoulder while her hands hold your hips down to keep control of them. the slurping sounds are almost pornographic with how sloppy she's being. no whine coming from you is gonna make her stop any time soon. she's enjoying it waaaay to much already.

if she's feeling nice she will add a finger or two while sucking ๋࣭⭑ curling them just right inside you, not in-and-out like crazy. her tongue’s already lapping at you pretty fast so no need to overwhelm you…yet.

she wishes you would look down at her for a sec to see that pretty expression better, but she also understands it's her own fault that your head is thrown back against the bed, clenching around her fingers while pulling at her hair. what a curse to be so good at pleasing girls.

she knew speeding up her movements wasn't a smart thing to do so late at night as soon as the loud whine that escaped your lips reached her ears. obviously louder than the previous ones.

the heavy thump on the door when it opened proved her right.

“caitlyn.”

of course it had to be her mother out of all people.

cassandra's eyebrows furrowed as she looked away with a small huff, trying to erase the sight from her mind by blinking and observing every detail on the window. she thought caitlyn was trying to sneak out and get involved with stuff she shouldn't like she had done in the past with serious cases or something, not this!

“It is 3 am; please take your… friend out of here.” a dismissive wave of her hand showed that there wasn't much room for arguing—none really because she's already out the door with a low mumble to herself before her daughter could say anything. tomorrow's talk is gonna be awful, that's for sure.

“just keep quiet some more, then you can go home, alright?” the blue haired girl softly whispered, leaning up and kissing the soft skin on your shoulder to reassure that you're not leaving until you get a few well deserved orgasms, her fingers already going back to rubbing small circles.

she's not gonna let a pretty girl leave her bedroom unsatisfied even if it means getting caught again.

masterlist

[hoshifighting]

Hello!!!

I’ve literally been eating up you work, everything you put out is 10/10

I’m curious to know your thoughts on this; how would svt react to their s/o saying i love you for the first time during sex? Like they’re just so lost in pleasure that it slips out and their s/o doesn’t even realize

seventeen reaction; you saying i love you for the first time, during sex

WARNINGS: 18+, smut, does not necessarily mention established relationships.

seungcheol's hips grind against yours, his hands gripping your thighs with a bruising force. you're not even thinking when it slips out, a breathless “i love you” falling from your lips. his movements stop abruptly, eyes wide as he looks down at you, stunned. “did you just said…?” he trails off, not quite sure how to proceed. you freeze too, “s-say what?” you stammer, trying to backpedal. but he cuts you off with a soft grunt, resuming his movements. “nothing, baby,” he whispers, “just… keep going.” he says, his voice a low rumble, as he focuses back on the rhythm, clearly trying to push the words out of his mind for now. but his heart melting, because he loves you more :(

jeonghan’s reaction is quiet. his pace doesn’t falter, but his eyes meet yours, and there’s a knowing look in them. it’s like he’s waiting for you to realize what you just said. he doesn’t say anything, but the slight smirk on his lips tells you he heard every word. later, you know he’ll bring it up, but for now, he seems content, almost smug, as if pleased that he’s drawn such a confession out of you.

joshua pulls back slightly, his eyes searching yours for any sign that you meant what you said. you want to hide yourself, but he sharpens his thrust, making you gasp. “say. it. again.” he growls. then he adds another sharp thrust, and you melt, “i love you, joshua.” you repeat, eyes shut. he smiles, his ego boosting like a rocket.

junhui doesn’t say anything at first, just stares at you like he’s trying to commit this moment to memory. “you’re serious?” he finally asks. you don’t fully understand his reaction, just nodding absently. he exhales sharply, a shaky breath running out of him as he leans down to kiss you. “you have no idea how much i’ve wanted to hear that,” he murmurs against your lips.

soonyoung’s stops mid-thrust, looking down at you with a raised eyebrow. “am i fucking you that good?” he asks, a naughty smirk twitching at his lips. you feel your face heat up, embarrassed by your slip. you try to brush it off, to pretend it didn’t happen, but he’s not having it. “no, no, i want to hear it again.” he waits, hovering above you, until you mutter the words again. only then does he resume, his thrusts harder, more intense, as if to prove a point. “i knew you couldn’t resist me.”

wonwoo’s reaction is instant. his breath hitches, and his hips stutter for a moment. “fuck…” he whispers, burying his face in your shoulder. the words seem to have a strong effect on him, and you can feel him trembling slightly. it’s like those three words have broken through his soul. his movements become more inconsistent, and you can tell he’s close. the way he holds you, clinging to you, you know he’s been affected deeply. he cums shortly after, burying himself deep inside you. “didn’t think you’d be confessing your love like this.”

jihoon’s sharp ears don’t miss a thing. you see his eyes widen, a slight flush creeping up his neck. he doesn’t say anything, but you can tell he’s heard you loud and clear. there’s a moment of tension, and you can feel him almost pull back, as if to process what you just said. “we'll talk about it later” he says. this was enough to make you overthink here and there. but he doubles down, he’s determined to bring you back to the moment, to keep you from getting lost in your own thoughts. and it works. you’re soon too dazzled by his cock blessing your walls to think about anything else.

minghao’s answer is more composed. “you’re not thinking straight,” he says, his voice firm. he slows down, making you look into his eyes. “say it again, but mean it.” his tone is serious, almost challenging. you swallow, the words catching in your throat. but the power of his stare makes it impossible to lie. you repeat the words, this time with clarity, and he nods, pleased. “good,” he mumbles, before continuing his pace, more controlled, more purposeful.

mingyu’s freezes for a second, and you can see the surprise in his eyes. but then he quickly recovers, pretending like it didn’t happen. “i didn’t hear anything,” he says with a grin, continuing his movements. you can feel the slight tension in his body, but he doesn’t bring it up. he’s clearly trying to keep things light, to not make a big deal out of it. but you know he heard you. and from the way he’s moving, the intensity in his stare, you can tell it’s on his mind. his lips glued in a line so he can hold the 'i love you more' for later.

seokmin’s response is immediate. “repeat it,” he demands, he pushes his cock, deeper, his eyes locked onto yours. “say it,” he insists, his pace relentless. you can barely form the words, but you manage to stutter out another “i love you.” everytime you say it, he thrusts harder, until you’re a crying mess beneath him, he grins down at you, clearly enjoying the power he has over you at this moment.

seungkwan’s ears are blushed, but he hits that spot inside you that makes you see stars, making you gasp. “uh? what? i didn’t hear you. can you repeat it?” he teases, you feel your face flush, but there’s no way you’re getting out of this. he slows down, waiting for you to repeat the words. and you do, reluctantly. he grins, satisfied, and resumes his pace.

vernon is the gentleman. “you… love me?” he trails off. before you can even think about apologizing, he’s kissing you, his lips soft but insistent. “don’t be sorry,” he murmurs against your lips, his pace never faltering. he’s reassuring, comforting, as if he’s trying to tell you that it’s okay, that he’s not going anywhere. it’s like he’s telling you that he’s there for you, that he understands. and mainly... that he loves you too.

chan’s smile shines to the point of blindness “are you confessing to me?” he asks. you feel your face heat up, embarrassed by your slip. he chuckles, clearly enjoying your discomfort. “that’s what i’m hearing,” he continues, a grin spreading across his face. you try to brush it off, to pretend it didn’t happen, but he’s not letting it go.

[blueberry3241]

★彡 Seventeen reaction you show up in their dream

↷ Pairing : seventeen x reader ↷ Genre : Fluff, Comedy,Soft ↷ word count : 3,000 words

↳ Disclaimer : This is an original work of fiction. All characters, settings, and story elements are my own creation. Any resemblance to real people, places, or events is purely coincidental. Please do not reproduce, distribute, or adapt this work without my explicit permission.

Masterlist

↝S.Coups

Seungcheol woke up with a start, sitting up in bed with wide eyes. His heart was pounding like he had just run a marathon. He turned to look at his phone, checking the time. 3:14 AM. He sighed and ran a hand through his hair.

“What the hell was that…” he muttered, trying to calm his breathing.

In his dream, you and he were sitting on a park bench, bathed in the golden glow of the setting sun. There was this nervous energy between the two of you, as if something important was about to be said. Then, you turned to him and smiled.

"Seungcheol… I think I like you."

And then—you disappeared. Just like that. Gone.

He groaned, flopping back down onto his bed.

"Why does my own subconscious want to torment me?"

The next morning, he couldn't stop looking at you. Every time you spoke, he was reminded of the dream, of your voice saying those words. It got to the point where he had to excuse himself.

Later that day, when you two were alone, he blurted out, “I had a dream about you.”

You raised an eyebrow. “Uh… okay? And?”

“You confessed to me in the dream,” he said, rubbing the back of his neck.

You laughed. “And what did I say?”

He hesitated, then looked straight into your eyes. “You said you liked me.”

You chuckled, oblivious to the tension in the air. “Guess your dream self has good taste.”

Seungcheol exhaled sharply, then, before he could second-guess himself, said, “Well, do you?”

Your laughter died down as you stared at him. His serious expression made your heart race. “Are… are you asking me for real?”

He nodded. “Yeah. Because I think I like you too.”

You blinked, then broke into a soft smile. “You’re braver than your dream self, huh?”

↝Jeonghan

Jeonghan didn’t dream often, or at least he didn’t remember his dreams. But last night? Oh, he remembered every single detail.

You and he were sitting in a small café, the atmosphere warm and quiet. He was holding your hand, fingers lazily tracing circles on your palm. It was so… peaceful. You looked at him, your eyes filled with something he couldn't quite place.

"Jeonghan, promise you won’t disappear."

He frowned in the dream. “What do you mean?”

"I just… don’t want to lose you."

He had woken up right after that, confused and, for the first time in a long while, a little emotional. He didn’t understand why that dream made his chest feel tight, but it did.

The next time he saw you, he found himself watching you more than usual. Not in his usual playful, teasing way—but in a way that felt… protective. Soft.

“Y/N,” he called, catching you before you left the room.

“Hm?”

He didn’t say anything at first, just looked at you with an expression you couldn’t read. Then, after a moment, he reached out and flicked your forehead.

“Ow—what was that for?” you pouted, rubbing the spot.

He just smirked. “Just making sure you’re real.”

↝Joshua

Joshua had never felt so conflicted over a dream in his life.

It had been sweet. Dream-you had been sitting on a picnic blanket with him, laughing at something he said. Your hand had reached up to fix his hair, and when you pulled away, he had grabbed it, holding it tight.

"You’re so cute," you had said, smiling warmly.

He had woken up in a panic.

Because you calling him cute? That was dangerous.

“Josh, you okay?” you asked, waving a hand in front of his face when he zoned out during lunch.

“Huh? Oh—yeah. Just… thinking.”

You grinned. “Thinking about what? Me?”

He choked on his drink.

“Joshua Hong, you good?”

He coughed, quickly shaking his head. “N-Nothing! I mean, yes—wait, no—I mean—” He groaned and buried his face in his hands.

You laughed. “You’re acting weird today.”

If only you knew.

↝Jun

Jun sat in bed, arms crossed, eyebrows furrowed. His dream had been fine—until some other guy had shown up and started flirting with you.

In the dream, you had laughed at the guy’s joke, and Jun had felt jealous. Dream-Jun had pulled you closer, throwing an arm around your waist.

"You’re mine."

He had woken up immediately, heart racing. What the hell was that?

The next time he saw you, you smiled brightly at him. “Hey, Jun!”

He narrowed his eyes. “You’re not allowed to talk to random guys.”

You blinked. “Uh… okay?”

He nodded, satisfied. “Good. That’s settled then.”

You just stared at him, completely confused.

↝Hoshi

Hoshi’s dream had been simple. You and he were napping together, curled up like two cats in the sunlight.

That was it.

And it was the best dream of his life.

The moment he woke up, he felt this overwhelming urge to be near you. So he found you, sat down beside you, and immediately latched onto your arm.

“Hoshi?”

“Shh,” he said, resting his head on your shoulder. “I just need to be here for a second.”

You chuckled, patting his head. “Did you have a nightmare or something?”

“No,” he murmured. “A really, really nice dream. And now I don’t wanna wake up.”

↝Woozi

Woozi’s dream had been too real. He had been in his studio, working late as usual, when you suddenly walked in with a cup of coffee.

"Take a break, Jihoon," you had said, sitting beside him.

He had grumbled, but then you had leaned your head on his shoulder. And just like that, his resistance had crumbled.

Then he woke up.

And now? He couldn't even look at you without remembering how soft your voice had sounded.

"Jihoon?"

"Hm?"

"You okay? You’ve been weird all day."

He scoffed. “I’m fine.”

But his ears were red.

↝Wonwoo

Wonwoo rarely remembered his dreams, but this one? It was too vivid.

In it, you and he were sitting in a library, surrounded by stacks of books. Everything felt peaceful—until suddenly, the lights dimmed, and an eerie feeling crept in. You had looked at him with wide, nervous eyes.

"Wonwoo… I'm scared."

Without thinking, Dream-Wonwoo had reached out and held your hand, squeezing it gently.

"Don’t worry. I’m here."

The moment he woke up, his heart was pounding. Why did that feel so real?

The dream stayed with him all day, making him hyper-aware of you. Every time you spoke, every time you laughed, every time you stood close to him—his stomach did this weird flip he wasn’t used to.

Later, when you were both walking down the hallway, someone accidentally bumped into you. It was small, nothing serious, but Wonwoo instantly reached out, steadying you by the waist.

“You okay?” he asked, his voice softer than usual.

You looked up at him, surprised. “Yeah… Thanks, Wonwoo.”

He quickly pulled his hands back, nodding. “Just… be careful.”

You tilted your head. “You’re acting different today.”

He coughed, adjusting his glasses. “Am I?”

“Yeah. It’s like you’re—” You paused, narrowing your eyes. “Wait. Did you have a dream about me or something?”

His whole body stiffened. “...No.”

You smirked. “You totally did.”

He groaned, covering his face with one hand. “I’m never sleeping again.”

You just laughed. If only he knew how cute he looked right now.

↝Mingyu

Mingyu’s dream had been like something out of a romance drama. You and he were baking together, covered in flour, laughing as you playfully smeared some on his nose. Then, out of nowhere, you had stood on your toes and kissed his cheek.

"Mingyu, I think I like you."

The moment he woke up, he shot out of bed.

The dream was fake. But the feelings? Very, very real.

That day, you noticed something was off.

“Gyu, why are you following me like a puppy?”

“I just… feel like being around you,” he said, rubbing the back of his neck.

You raised an eyebrow. “Did something happen?”

“Nope. Just… I missed you.”

“You saw me yesterday.”

“Yeah, and that was too long ago.”

You laughed, shoving his arm. “What’s gotten into you?”

If only you knew.

↝DK

Seokmin sat up in bed, clutching his blanket like he had just witnessed the most heartbreaking moment in cinematic history.

In his dream, you and he had been standing in the rain, and you had hugged him tightly, whispering, "Seokmin… I wish we had more time."

Then—just like a K-drama—lightning struck, and you were gone.

“NOOOOOO!” Seokmin wailed, startling his roommate.

The next day, he ran up to you, grabbing your hands.

“Y/N,” he said, eyes wide with emotion. “Promise me you won’t disappear.”

You blinked. “Uh… okay?”

“I mean it,” he said, gripping your hands tighter. “Stay in my life forever.”

You tilted your head. “Did you watch a sad movie last night or something?”

“Worse,” he mumbled. “I dreamed it.”

↝The8

Minghao wasn’t one to let dreams get to him. But this one? It stuck with him.

In the dream, you and he had been walking side by side under the moonlight. You had stopped and looked up at the sky, sighing softly.

"If only you knew how much I think about you, Hao."

When he woke up, his heart felt… weird.

Later that day, he found you in the practice room. Instead of greeting you normally, he just studied you quietly.

“Hao?” you asked, waving a hand in front of his face. “Why are you staring at me?”

He smirked slightly. “No reason.”

“Liar.”

He chuckled. “Maybe. Or maybe… I just had an interesting dream.”

You huffed. “And you’re not going to tell me?”

He shrugged. “Maybe later. When the timing is right.”

You rolled your eyes. “You’re so mysterious.”

He just smiled. If only you knew.

↝Seungkwan

Seungkwan shot up from his bed, staring at the ceiling in horror.

"Seungkwan… I have something to tell you. I love you."

That was what you had said in his dream. And his response?

"Haha, nice joke!"

He had woken up screaming.

The next time he saw you, he pointed an accusing finger.

“YOU!”

You jumped. “What—what did I do?!”

“You were in my dream.”

“…Okay?”

“And you confessed to me.”

You stared at him, amused. “And?”

“I LAUGHED,” he yelled, running a hand through his hair. “Why am I like this?!”

You burst out laughing. “Oh my God, is this why you look so stressed?”

“Yes! Because what if I do that in real life? What if I mess up? What if—”

“Seungkwan.” You placed a hand on his shoulder, smiling. “If you ever get a confession from me, I’ll make sure you don’t laugh.”

He turned red. “W-What—”

You just winked and walked away.

Seungkwan clutched his chest. He was doomed.

↝Vernon

Vernon sat in silence, staring at his phone screen, still processing.

His dream had been simple. You and he were sitting in a car, music playing softly in the background. You had turned to him and said, "I feel safest when I’m with you."

Now he couldn't stop thinking about it.

The next time he saw you, he casually asked, “Do you, uh, think dreams mean anything?”

You shrugged. “Sometimes. Why?”

He hesitated. “No reason.”

You smirked. “Did you dream about me or something?”

His ears turned red. “W-What? No. Maybe. I dunno.”

You grinned. “Was I cool?”

“…Yeah.”

You laughed, patting his shoulder. “Glad to know dream-me has taste.”

Vernon just sighed. He was never getting over this.

↝Dino

Chan’s dream had been wild. In it, he had been some kind of hero, saving you from danger. And at the end, you had hugged him tightly and whispered, "You're my hero, Chan."

Now? Now he was on a mission to be cooler than ever.

“Chan,” you said, watching him struggle to lift a ridiculously heavy box. “What are you doing?”

“Getting stronger,” he grunted, barely able to hold it up.

You raised an eyebrow. “Uh… why?”

“No reason,” he said, voice strained. “Just… wanna be impressive.”

You chuckled. “You don’t have to try so hard, you know?”

He set the box down with a loud thud, panting. “But… what if you need saving one day?”

You laughed. “Then I’ll trust you to be my hero.”

His face lit up. Mission accomplished.

[weneeya]

shy shy shy m.list | rules

pairing. haikyuu x reader

characters. bokuto, kuroo, akaashi, kageyama

note. HAIKYUU IS SO BACK omg you can't imagine how happy i am to know that i'm going to see my boys on screen for more time!! ofc i had to write with them to celebrate <3 please request with haikyuu more and keep going for much longer!

⎯ Bokuto

Having a crush on someone as shining as Bokuto was difficult, you had to admit it. It was none of his fault, of course ; you couldn’t blame him for being such an extrovert. It was almost like a joke to have someone as introverted as you wanting to stand by his side. But how could it be different? Everything about Bokuto was absolutely amazing. 

The real problem was how oblivious the boy was. You weren’t the best at sending signals, that was for sure, but Bokuto didn’t understand any of them, not even the most obvious ones. You were starting to think that there was no way this could work ; but you would never be able to admit anything out loud, while looking right into his eyes. 

You were both walking together to the gymnasium after your class. He was as excited as ever, claiming that he couldn’t wait to show you the new tricks he learnt so you would see how great of a player he was. Your eyes were never leaving his face ; it was like you weren’t able to look away even if you wanted to. Something about him was simply dragging you in. 

Until Bokuto noticed when he turned his head to take a look at you. He tilted his head to the side, raising his eyebrows a little. “Something’s wrong?” He asked bluntly, and you swore you could feel your heart about to explode in your chest. Your face began to burn almost immediately as you looked away, stuttering a few unintelligible words. 

You had stopped in your path, and so he did a few steps ahead of you. He crossed his arms on your chest, apparently understanding your few words about being sorry or anything. “You’re great y’know. You shouldn’t look down on yourself like this.” 

It was always like this with him. Either he was the most oblivious guy on Earth, or he was saying the right words way too easily, like it was nothing for him. You looked up at him, nodding slightly with the hint of a smile, which made Bokuto’s smile come back wider than before. “It’s better! Come watch me play now!” 

And he walked back to the gym with his prideful smile while you were almost melting behind him. You didn’t know if you’d be able to confess to him one day, but if something was sure, it was that Bokuto Koutarou would be the death of you. 

⎯ Kuroo

You were well aware of how much Kuroo loved to tease you. It seemed to be his favorite game since the two of you grew closer. The thing was that you were the most introverted person he ever met, and his best friend was Kenma. It wasn’t exactly that you were introverted, but you really were so shy. It made your reactions to his teasing so adorable, he couldn’t help himself. 

It didn’t annoy you, but you knew sometimes it made you hesitate about doing some things. You were always hesitant about initiating stuff, but knowing he would tease you made you doubt a bit more. It wasn’t his fault, it simply was your brain torturing yourself. You knew that he would never do anything to make you uncomfortable. 

You were sitting in the gym while he was training with his team, waiting for him to finish. A small notebook on your knees, your eyes were focused on his movements and how good he looked while playing. It was probably the moments you saw him being the most serious and focused. 

You quickly grabbed a pen in your bag and, maybe a bit too naturally, you began to sketch some small doodles of Kuroo playing volleyball. You were so absorbed by what you were doing that you didn’t notice the team taking a break and Kuroo walking to you. 

He glanced above your shoulder, a grin appearing on his lips. “Am I looking this good?” He asked, and you jumped slightly because of the surprise. You quickly hid your notebook, turning around to look at him with your face all red. Of course, he had to see you doing this. You wanted to disappear in a hole and never appear again. 

He chuckled a bit, taking a sip of water from his bottle. He wouldn’t admit it out loud, but he was flattered that you were taking him as a model for your drawings. With how shy you were, he was sometimes wondering about how you felt about him. Yes, he was scared you might ending up disliking him because of his teasing or else. 

He quickly pushed away those thoughts when he saw your cute expression while you were trying to explain yourself while stuttering, which made him grin a bit more. He pinched your cheek, back to teasing you while you trying to push him away while getting redder each second. Teasing you really was his favorite game.

⎯ Akaashi

Holding hands shouldn’t be so complicated, you thought to yourself. You always had troubles initiating physical touch, yes, but a simple hold shouldn’t wake you up at night thinking about it. Akaashi was a sweet guy, but you couldn’t help being scared about how he could react if you decided to hold his hand in public. Right, you were together, like in a relationship, but still! What if he didn’t want you to? You wouldn’t be able to look at yourself again if you got brushed off like this. 

It was a calm afternoon and you were walking in a peaceful street with Akaashi, simply enjoying the sun and having a small walk. He wanted to go to the library, and you didn’t refuse when he asked you to come with him. But now, all your mind could think about was how you wanted to hold his hand without being able to do anything. 

You were side by side, your eyes drifting down to his fingers from time to time as the idea stayed in your mind. In a burst of courage, your fingers slightly brushed his knuckles in a failed attempt before you moved them away without grabbing his hand. Except that your fingers didn’t have the time to run away, being caught back by Akaashi’s hand. 

He looked at you with a light smile, his hand giving yours a gentle squeeze. You felt the tip of your ears burning a little when you met his gaze, but a soft smile quickly appeared on your lips. It didn’t need any words, because Akaashi could read you like an open book and you knew his eyes well enough to understand anything without a word. 

Perhaps holding hands wasn’t so hard in the end.

⎯ Kageyama

He was bad at reading people. He never really learnt, and no matter how hard he was trying, he always ended up having some trouble understanding reactions. It was getting better, thanks to his team ; but when it came to you, Kageyama was completely lost. Sometimes he wondered if you weren’t hating him, because he swore you were avoiding him. 

The reality was that you were awfully intimidated by him, and you were scared about what your heart was telling you each time you met his eyes. He didn’t seem to be someone really mean, but he really seemed difficult to approach. At least, for someone as afraid of people as you, it seemed impossible. 

But Kageyama liked you. He knew it, he talked about it with his senpais and they all told him that it was this. So why were you running away every time he tried to talk to you alone? It was a bit frustrating, he had to admit it. 

You knew it wasn’t a solution, but what were you supposed to do? Face your feelings? No way. Except that he didn’t give you the choice. One afternoon, while you were walking to the gymnasium to give something to Hinata, you got stopped by Kageyama with his usual neutral almost mean natural face. 

“Do you hate me?” His words came out quickly, before you had the chance to leave, and they surprised you. You opened your eyes wide, shaking your head. “What? No!” You replied, and his eyebrows furrowed slightly. “Then why are you avoiding me?” Oh. You couldn’t escape it this time. 

You tried to align a few words, stuttering something about how you felt, how worried it made you. Kageyama didn’t understand everything, but he got the main idea : you were afraid about how he was feeling. Fine, he just had to be honest then. If it meant you would stop avoiding him, it was good. 

“I like you too, so don’t avoid me,” he said and you simply looked into his eyes with your lips parted. Your face burned red, and the second after you were hiding it with your hands, saying he was an idiot. Did he do something wrong? Kageyama wasn’t sure, but at least, you were answering him now. He was happy.

thanks for reading <3

[rafesbuzzcutseason]

chasing city lights

chapter 16 - did i mean nothing?

synopsis: you move to new york to start fresh, hoping to find comfort in the city’s atmosphere. that’s when you meet sarah cameron, where she takes you to a concert and you catch sight of the lead band member, rafe cameron. it only takes a moment for you to realize you’re captivated by him. as sarah helps you navigate your new life in the city, you start to get pulled deeper into rafe's world—the music, the fame, the chaos. the more you get to know him, the more you realise that rafe is not just the rock star he seems to be. he’s wrestling with his own demons, and the last thing he needs is someone like you getting close.

masterlist

cw: language, angst

✧˖ °. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁‧₊˚ ☾. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁˖°✧

the cold night air hit your tear streaked face as sarah, cleo and kie led you out the club.

"hey it's okay, you don't need to stay and watch that bullshit. what a great fucking friend cara is." sarah spoke.

"i didn't like her as soon as i met her" cleo mentioned.

"not right now cleo." kie shushed her. "look, it was all from her side right? rafe wasn't doing anything or initiating anything back so everything is ok i promise." she said, wiping your tears.

"i know you're right" you agreed, "i just can't believe she would do this. i don't understand."

"she's a cunt is what she is." sarah firmly said, earning a small smile from you. "i'm sending her home first thing tomorrow. i'll pay for her flight."

"no sarah stop."

"i'm serious, don't want her anywhere near you or us or him."

"oh fuck." cleo said, panic overtaking her face.

"what?" you mumbled, your heart racing at her distress.

"i am so sorry y/n," cleo whispered.

"cleo." your stomach dropping, "what is it?"

she turned her phone around and your heart dropped at the screen. rafe and cara face to face, lips almost touching. there was no denying the photo.

"oh my god" your voice fell, tears threatening to fall again.

the girls said nothing, but rubbed your back as you sobbed on the side of the pavement. no words could describe the way you were feeling.

"lets get you home y/n, i'll take you to mine." sarah finally spoke.

after a long, silent taxi ride home, you got out the car and straight into sarah's bed, tears not stopping.

you felt drained, your chest aching. the girls had tried everything to distract you, but you couldn't stop staring at the photo, like staring at it long enough would make it disappear.

but it wouldn't. it was real.

you couldn't process that rafe would do this to you. the boy who had loved you, written songs about you, confessed his deepest issues to you, trusted you. how could he have let this happen? did the last 8 months mean nothing to him?

"okay no more of that." sarah said, taking the phone out of your hands. "do you really think he would do that to you? i mean the photo isn't clear, he could've been talking to her?"

"come on sarah. you saw them together too." you mumbled.

"i just don't get it. he is so in love with you." she replied.

"cleary not." you huffed.

"that's not true and you know it." kie said.

"he told me i was different. that he'd never felt this way before." you spoke as the tears falling again. "i don't know what to do."

"look, we don't know the full story ok? there is nothing we can do." cleo chimed in. "i know it doesn't feel like it right now, but you're going to be okay."

"and i swear to god, when you're ready, we'll make sure they regret this." kie stated.

you swallowed hard. regret. did rafe even feel regret? did cara? or were they still at the club, laughing, dancing, kissing, like none of this even mattered?

your stomach twisted. did you even matter?

sarah must’ve sensed the storm in your head because she gently took your hand, squeezing it. “don’t do that. don’t let them make you feel like you weren’t enough. they weren’t enough for you.”

you let out a bitter laugh, eyes still glossy. “then why does it feel like i’m the one who lost everything?”

kie sighed. “because you’re a good person y/n. and they’re not.”

you wanted to believe that. you really did.

instead, all you could do was lie there, staring at the ceiling, trying to breathe through the pain.

because no matter how much your friends reassured you, one thought haunted you.

rafe had promised forever,

and forever had ended with a single photo.

✧˖ °. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁‧₊˚ ☾. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁˖°✧

a/n: sorry guys😩 you all knew it was coming

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