#and it’s arguably as good as tv gets…

[sparrow-va]

public introspection in this sort of manner, on this sort of topic is, I get the feeling, not really a part of the persona du jour of the modern Tumblr Transfem, but like. fuck it, yknow? I feel like I've already been alienating myself from certain sectors of the community as is so. let's do it.

my thoughts and feelings on the Discourse over the last. idk, year or so? about things like Egg Jokes™️, the Prime Directive and all that have been. fuzzy Feelings and general agreements with sentiments I've seen moreso than a like...Solidly Held and Arguable Position i guess?

generally speaking, I think my belief is that the Egg Prime Directive is bullshit and that I think we as transfems and allies SHOULD be allowed to provide gender transition as A Valid and Positive Option On The Table for people visibly experiencing the recognizable thought patterns, behaviors, and distresses typical to closeted transfems. If it's done in a good-faith and amicable way, I honestly don't see how this is possibly A Bad Thing. Given the options between potentially leaving someone locked in a gender closet believing that they are alone in their struggles and feeling like they have no options but to just...struggle forever, or to potentially give someone the helping hand, the acknowledgement that they have the means and the community out there to reckon with what they're experiencing? I should think the choice is obvious.

i think part of why I hold this belief so tight lately is that like...I didn't have my Gender Moment™️ until the lockdowns hit (yes i'm a quarantrans ha ha let's move on), meaning I was......like 27 or 28 I think?? by the time I rapidly moved down the pipeline of "Cis Guy By Default" to "Femboy??¿¿?" to "Nonbinary transfem". Took me another few years to finally settle on that, yeah, HRT is the right move for me. And it's only within i think. The last few months???? that I've felt like "yeah, okay I think I'm Allowed to say I'm a trans woman. I think that Feels Right."

I've moved down this road so, so fucking agonizingly slowly, I think in large part due to growing up in a household for the majority of my life that stifled any possibility of CONSIDERING I could be anything else but a straight guy (especially my mother who threw a Fit when I posted on facebook for pride month about being bi "heteroflexible" back in 2017. I'll just. Let you guess her reaction to being presented with anything re: trans people. I'll give you another hint: Jerry Springer was a regular fixture on our tv in my youth.). it took me Years of distance and healing after moving out of that household to even begin to entertain the notion that I had like. A Choice In The Matter that could make a positive difference. One of my online friends, around the time of me coming out, said that he'd been getting Egg Vibes from me for like at least a year beforehand. and it was pretty funny at the time, and still is tbh but like. now, when I feel like I'm getting into the game so late, so to speak....it's also a little irritating to think about, like. What! What do you mean!! You knew?? Who else knew and didn't tell me????? Fuck!!!!!!! I just. idk. i want to minimize the chances of other gals having late bloom regrets like i sometimes struggle with.

at the same time. there are a couple of recent-ish coming-out trans girl tumblr funnypeople (one much more recent than the other -- if you're Up To Date on this topic you probably have an idea who I mean, but I don't like to Name Names in these kinds of posts, yknow?) who have given Strong Pushback, let's say, on the idea of Egg Jokes and speculating on someone's potential transfem identity. they've said things to the effect of like...that this kind of thing actually made them feel Less Safe to come out and did more harm than good for them. i. Struggle to comprehend that, I guess. Granted, I am not privy to exactly all of what kinds of sentiments they were subjected to -- one if them I don't think I ever followed, and the other I think I unfollowed a while back when she WAS giving pushback on this kind of stuff. I don't...get it, I guess? But I also don't want to just. Completely disregard and downplay their experiences either, even if I don't really See what they've seen? i dunno.

i also have noticed that as I've started to pull myself away from some of the more.....let's say caustic personalities in my transfem corner of this website, I feel like i've been concurrently seeing less sentiments arguing so ardently to Disregard the Prime Directive and all that? i dunno. There may not be any correlation there, that could entirely be some sort of confirmation or other type of bias from me.

i don't. really have a central Point that I'm driving toward with all this, I'm kinda just. Ruminating, I guess. Taking stock of where I'm at mentally as I navigate the current landscape of my weird-ass Internet Home of one-and-a-half decades. just. disjointed thoughts bumping around in my brain that I needed to pull the release valve on.

i dunno if anybody will get anything out of reading this but. i appreciate you taking the time to bother doing so if ya have. 💙 you're lovely and I hope you have a joyful day ahead of you.

[slumbering-shadows]

man. I don't fucking understand the Puppeteer. Why is this random dude so obsessed with Bones. Like I understand they were trying to go for oooo shocking plot twist hahaa!!! but they could have like... fucking tried. Its so uncompelling. This arc had so much potential and it just sputtered out so bad

[liu-yu-xin]

WAYV INTERVIEWED ON CHINA STATE MEDIA OUTLET WE'RE SO BACK ! this wont unflop them on its own but it is a very good sign it means state media doesnt hold wayvs past against them re: original dozen and wont stand in the way of their success ONE LESS OBSTACLE WE CHEERED

[alex51324]

Useful article from CNN on election-night misinformation.

Key takeaway is that pretty much whatever happens, Trump will claim it's evidence that the election is being rigged against him.

Some additional things to keep in mind--particularly if you haven't been through many of these before:

The winner may or may not be projected on election night. How long it takes depends on a bunch of factors, having to do with the logistics of ballot-counting and how the statistical analysis comes along. Getting a projected winner by midnight and the count taking several days are both well within the range of normal, and neither one suggests that anything nefarious is happening.

Counting of votes always continues for several days after the election, until every vote has been counted. This happens regardless of whether or not the media have "called" a winner, or a candidate has conceded.

Media outlets project election winners based on the data that has come in and their statistical models--they do not "declare" or "decide" who won. The major outlets are very motivated to avoid an incorrect projection*, so if they make a call, it's because they're really sure they have enough information to accurately predict the outcome of the final count.

Usually, when this happens, all of the major media outlets are making the same projection around the same time--within the same hour, at least, and often in the same 10 minutes or so. If there's an outlier, there's a good chance they're either guessing or propagandizing.

Candidates do not get to call the race in their own favor. There's a decent chance Trump will try, but also it's also normal and expected for both campaigns to talk like they're expecting to win; e.g. introducing their candidate as "the next President of the United States" when appearing before supporters at events. (My guess is that if he does try, the mainstream media outlets will simply sanewash it as typical election-night bravado, which is actually fine.)

The only thing that means anything, coming from a candidate/campaign, is a concession. This will often happen after the media has called the race for the other candidate; it usually isn't a surprise. A normal campaign will often go quiet--stop sending people to talk on TV, etc.--when they're getting ready to concede. (Trump arguably** still hasn't conceded 2020, so no one is particularly expecting him to concede any time this coming week.)

It's normal for the numbers to change a lot. There are always some surprises, but there are also standard patterns: results from the southeast usually come in a clump, and put a lot of electoral votes into the Republican column, early in the night. Democrats usually pick up the west coast states, which of course are the last to close their polls and start reporting results***. For the swing states, where we'll probably see a lot of reporting on very incomplete vote totals, results will start coming in first from the rural areas, which lean red; cities take longer to count their votes--because there are more of them--and lean blue.

The more uncertainty there is about the outcome, the more you'll hear about the evolving numbers--news networks have airtime to fill, and there's only so many ways you can say, "Still too close to call." Try not to obsess over these numbers; the news networks have people specially trained to analyze this exact kind of data, and if they can't say how it's going to turn out, you're not going to know, either.

If it ends up being too close to call for several days, there will probably be reporting on small, county-by-county vote dumps. It's important to realize that this is all still the original count of the votes, not a recount or "finding new votes." We only hear about it when the election is so close that these relatively small numbers of ballots are likely to affect the outcome, but it happens every single election. In 2020, Trump repeatedly claimed that ongoing counts were some how irregular, and sometimes demanded that counts be stopped when the current total showed him in the lead. This is, to be clear, nuts; the full & complete count of the votes always takes more than just the one day, and it's a bedrock principle of democracy that every valid ballot is counted.

(* Back in 2000, the Bush-Gore election with the whole Florida debacle, several major news outlets did project winners too soon, and then had to walk back their projections.

This definitely contributed to the chaos that night, and may have also contributed to the widespread perception that Bush was the "real" winner and Gore was dragging the country through multiple recounts, in those first few days when the initial count of wasn't even complete in some states.

As a result, responsible media outlets are much more cautious these days about election-night projections.)

(**On January 7, 2021 he made a statement that was taken as indicating his understanding that Biden had won, or at least that he knew he wouldn't be staying in office, but he never stopped saying he won.)

(***This often looks like the Republican being miles ahead, and then suddenly California reports in and they aren't anymore. Expect Trump to pretend that this is somehow shocking, even though the last time a Republican won California was 1988.

Similarly, he will also pretend to be surprised when, for instance, Philadelphia turns in their first big batch of results, and Harris's numbers jump up.)

[avelera]

So apparently, Fortiche shared concept art where Jayce's Hexcorization in the cave would extend all the way to his face:

And this is really interesting to me from a narrative perspective, here's why:

Much of S2 Jayce's arc is incredibly... punitive. Like, he is really being punished step by step for everything he did wrong in S1. From Renni terrorizing and almost killing him for the death of her son, to Viktor leaving him "for another woman" (the Hexcore as represented by Sky) much like Jayce left him for politics as represented by Mel, there's really a sense of the narrative not only tearing Jayce down to his bare essentials (something that's very common for TV writing to do, by the way, it's very common that you want to see characters reduced down to who they are for their "long night of the soul" moment before they learn the lessons of what they really stand for before going into the climax armed with those lessons), but Jayce's time in the cave really goes even further than that and not only does S2 take away his political career, his Hextech ambitions, his state as someone able-bodied, much of his strength, and certain other gifts, it looks like in this draft they considered taking away his beauty too.

I think it would have been interesting either way if they had, but I want to dive into the narrative structure of action and punishment in Arcane, why Hexcorizing Jayce's face might have been a step too far and not really addressed a lesson he needed to learn, and my thoughts on punitive character arcs in general in Arcane (or lack thereof), specifically with regards to Jayce and Caitlyn.

I've mentioned elsewhere that I always found it interesting that much of the hate directed towards Jayce by the fans was for his perceived incompetence in difficult moments, rather than at how naturally gifted he seems to be at everything.

When I first watched S1 on my own, I thought Jayce was a bit unbearable because everything comes so easily to him (after Viktor becomes his partner and Hextech takes off as a result, that is). He is naturally beautiful, he's built like a god but doesn't appear to do any sort of exercise routine to maintain this other than working in the forge, he becomes the Man of Progress and rockstar of Piltover pretty much without trying, girls are literally sighing dreamily as he goes by.

He's also naturally a genius, from what we see, revolutionizing multiple industries with one invention. Even his rescue as a child is a literal miracle and it spurs him to create an invention that makes him a rockstar. When he enters politics, he immediately dominates, to the point where he's able to get a unanimous vote to overthrow the founder of the city within weeks of going there. Even in battle he's naturally gifted and naturally lucky during the raid of the Shimmer factory (up until the death of Renni's son), even though he has no prior skills as far as we know. He also wins the love of arguably the most beautiful woman in the series, again, seemingly without trying.

Then, S2 doesn't just take all of this away from him, it seems to go a step further into actually punishing Jayce for how easy and miraculous his life was in S1.

I'm of two minds about the Hexcorization reaching his face, but I have a hypothesis. I think it would have looked fucking rad but, I kinda get why they didn't do it:

Because Jayce's good looks are not something he can control, unlike the other things the narrative punishes him for.

Insofar as he can control his looks, he gives up on the clean-cut, immaculate "Golden Boy" image. Even in the idealized astral plane, he keeps most of the marks of his time in the pit like his hair and beard. I think it's because Jayce likes who he became down there. The clean-cut version of him was always the mask of him trying to please others, Jayce's appearance after he emerges from the cave is him shedding the opinions of others (contrast this with how Viktor idealizes himself in the astral plane, removing all marks of his illness. This isn't a criticism, just an interesting point of contrast).

So basically, my theory is Fortiche may have pulled back on Hexcorizing Jayce's face on the one hand to soften the visuals a bit, but secondly because it keeps the focus on punishing Jayce for things he chose to do, rather than things he doesn't really have control over.

But make no mistake, the narrative comes down hard on Jayce in S2, for every little thing the fans could and often did hate him for in S1. He pays for all of them, arguably in excess of what he maybe deserved, since as he says he didn't ask for any of this. But he did go along with it, and there's where the hammer of consequence (quite literally) comes down on him, tears away all his privileges, drags him down to literally the level of Viktor when he first left the undercity and says, "You have to do it all again but now focused on what really matters, and it's going to be ten times harder than it ever was."

This, in my opinion, is why Jayce is so popular coming out of S2. It is a hell of an arc, it's a hell of a redemption! You gave the man everything any man could want, then you took it all away, and then as his crowning moment of showing he has truly learned these lessons and made up for his mistakes, he makes possibly the most loving gesture possible, puts his weapons down, and reaches out to the person he loves most and literally sacrifices himself on the altar of his mistakes to make things right and show Viktor he is loved, and to protect Viktor from the horrifically lonely fate of his future self. It doesn't get any more noble, loving, or self-sacrificing than that.

Because more than we like to see a character punished we like to see them learn from their mistakes and come back better. Jayce's S2 nobility is earned, perhaps even to excess, no one can question whether he suffered enough to make up for what he did in S1 but even the most uncharitable read of him in S1, his biggest hater, would have to agree his time spent starving to death in agony, alone in that cave for months, has got to be just about the worst punishment a human can face and live.

Which is one reason I must add that I find it a little puzzling that Arcane's creators didn't predict the hate that Caitlyn would get in S2.

Keep in mind, because this is very important, the Arcane creators did not make S2 in response to fan reactions to S1. S2 was already in production and the script was locked in and done before anyone outside their organizations saw S1. So nothing that happens in S2 is as a result of fan response.

But, the creators did understand that Jayce was going to need to suffer narrative punishment for what he did in S1 in order to be redeemed, whether they predicted how hated he would be after S1, they did predict that redemption would be necessary. And boy-howdy, did they give him a hell of a redemption arc!

But Caitlyn's S2 actions are almost in lock-step similar to Jayce's S1 actions, being manipulated (by a Medarda!) into accepting power, but maybe not having a choice in the matter, but still maybe expanding that power on their own because it is useful in its own right. Caitlyn also makes terrible mistakes. A child doesn't die but people in the undercity do get hurt during her rage-fuled raids, even if most of them are mob bosses and their goons. The narrative asks, does that make it right? Caitlyn like Jayce hurts the person closest to her who is from the undercity and uses bigoted language against the people of the undercity to Vi's face in much the same way that Jayce did to Viktor on the bridge, though in Jayce's defense, he apologized immediately after.

So, seeing how hated Jayce was coming out of S1, to the point where there's still barely any merchandise of him, I'm shaking my head rather ruefully that there was so much merch made for Caitlyn this time around. And I get it! Caitlyn and Vi were very popular after S1, they are intentionally THE main romance of the show and it was a very popular romance coming out of the innocence of their meet cute in S1.

But it's a romance that dearly needed a longer third act if you wanted Caitlyn to be as embraced after her mistakes as Jayce was after making up for his all through S2. You need to give her as long or at least as in-depth of a redemption act with as much suffering and acknowledgment of her mistakes if you want Vi and Caitlyn at the end to get celebrated the way Jayce making it up to Viktor is, because as much as I understand the choice to focus on pacing instead of exposition, and I do think Caitlyn's apology and realization of her mistakes are there on the page more than people complain, I do also agree that it is a bit "blink and you'll miss it" even if it's there. Jayce got a whole episode of being thrown into the Torment Nexus for his mistakes, real or imagined, if you didn't like him or his choices, you definitely got the sadistic glee of watching life kick the stuffing out of him for what he did in S1.

But besides her fight with Ambessa, which was a result of a confluence of many events in the story, not just Caitlyn's mistakes, Caitlyn doesn't really suffer much for the mistakes she made to those she loves. Her losing an eye to Ambessa didn't happen because she said bigoted things to Vi or became a short-term puppet dictator of Piltover. It was a result of Ambessa's actions and maneuvering more than it was a result of Caitlyn's personal mistakes to her loved ones.

In contrast, Jayce's time in the pit gave him the chance to reflect on and suffer for the the mistakes he made that led to the Anomaly that led to him being down in this pit, and what he would do to make it up to his loved ones like Viktor when he returned. Caitlyn never got a moment like that and from what I'm seeing of the vitriol directed towards her, so similar to what Jayce got after S1, it seems like she really needed it if we were going to like her to the same extent again, in a way uncomplicated by lingering questions about whether she ever truly learned the lessons her character needed to learn to grow as a person.

And it's just funny to me that a narrative that was so aware that this whole huge punishment arc was needed to rehabilitate Jayce wasn't aware that we'd need one for Caitlyn too, at least if they're going to move all that merch they made for her (please give us Jayce merch, Riot, I'm begging).

[companion-showdown]

Who is your favourite companion?

TOURNAMENT MASTERPOST

Propaganda

Clara Oswald

No one is doing it like Clara Oswald. She’s bisexual, she’s a control freak, she’s made out with Jane Austen, she was the Doctor (and she was good at it). She looks like the normal one any time she’s standing next to twelve, but when you see her interact with humans on her own you realize how bad she is at acting like a normal person. Steven Moffat once said she’s what the Doctor would be like if they were a 20 something human woman stuck on earth. She is such an incredible enigma of compassion and bravery and ego. If she doesn’t make it to at least the top five then what are we even doing here. (@tardis-technician )

Jamie McCrimmon

He's the longest running companion (113 episodes!), the original companion with romantic tension with the Doctor, loyal as can be, on the same footing with the doctor despite being an 18th century highlander, he wears a kilt in space, and he was so devoted to the Doctor that he had to be forced away and have his memory erased, and the Doctor had to be grounded, for his run to end. Also really just watch a video of them they're so gay

What can I even say. It's Jamie Mccrimmon. He never would have chosen to leave the doctor, he's the doctor's most loyal companion. He's so Scottish and I love it! Always wears his kilt, gets excited when he hears bagpipe music and sees the Scottish Highlands on the Tardis screen, speaks Gàidhlig, what's not to love. (@gothicacetheatrekid )

Jamie is the longest running companion in all of Doctor Who. He is arguably the doctor’s first best friend and has been haunting the narrative ever since his departure in 1969 (even in 2024 “Boom” he is referenced!! The 10th doctor uses his name in s2e2, and the doctor-turned-master in s13 plays the skyeboat song, which only became a huge part of Doctor who because of Jamie, who was a Jacobite! Several classic doctors meet/reference Jamie in tv and extended universe media, and if you’re an I, TARDIS fan you’ll find Jamie’s entry is the only one where it’s explicitly referenced that Doctor - and the TARDIS! - loved him). He is a very complex character, who might be dismissed but is much more intelligent than he is given credit for. He’s brave and kind. He has a huge fan theory that gained enough traction to become canon through tv stories and audios - “s6b” - in which he works with the Doctor under time lord supervision. He came into the show at its most crucial watershed, the first regeneration, and impacted so much of what we consider core to doctor who today through his friendship with the second doctor. He’s a companion from the past who is quick to learn and adapt, and was the first companion who wanted to join the tardis AND never wanted to leave, until he was forcibly removed. Jamie was with the doctor for pretty much his whole second body, and Doctor who would not be what it is today without Jamie.

[cheriladycl01]

First time - Lando Norris x Innocent! Reader

Plot: Lando finds out his girlfriend is more innocent than he ever thought and that turns him on hard core.

Warnings: SMUT Innocence Knik etc MINORS DNI 18+

When Lando first started dating you he knew you were pretty innocent and oblivious to the world around you.

The first time he noticed it was when he first met you. You were in a club and he sat back watching you the whole night, run around like mother hen after your friends who ... arguably weren't being good friends to you and were using you as their sober ride home.

You were making sure your friends had clean drinks straight from the bartender and handing them tissues or hand gels when they touched anything dirty.

Your friends had left you that night, leaving Lando to take the opportunity to come and introduce himself. He wasn't shocked to find out this was your first time in a club, that you hated it and wanted to go home.

"So, what brings you to Monaco?" he'd asked you and you gave him this big gummy grin that he couldn't help but fall in love with.

"My friends and I are on a girls trip celebrating graduation!" you answered, trying not to yell incase the music went quiet but loud enough so he could hear.

"And that's why they've all abandoned you?" he chuckled walking you over to the bar.

"Yeah, I think they just have different ideas of fun than I do, we saw some really beautiful museums earlier which was my idea!" you smile thinking back to the earlier part of the day which you had favoured.

"Drink?" he asks you and you smile nodding your head.

"I'll have a Coors again and ..." he says naming his beer before looking at you.

"I'll just have a Spite please!" you order in French from the bartender who smiles at you.

"You can order something more expensive like alcohol i don't mind!" he smiles down at you, only for you to shake your head.

"I erm, don't drink! I've never drank alcohol actually!" you smile, pretty proud of you lifestyle.

"Yeah, I used to say I didn't drink and then my friends introduced me to it. Never been the same since!" he frowns in a joking manner making you laugh.

"You're funny!" you giggled.

You guys talked for the rest of the night, until it was the closing hours of the club and you had to part ways.

He'd regretted not getting your number.

The next time he met you was a complete coincidence. He was travelling around and caving in Vietnam. You were there building sustainable housing on your year after graduating. He knew it was you right away and everyone was so confused when he went running of to go say hello to you.

After that he got your number. He had to secure it after a second chance of meeting you which he'd been considering was gods gift to him.

After a few dates and texting back and forth for a while you started dating.

"Y/N, can we talk about something serious?" he'd asked you and you nodded coming to sit next to him on the sofa in his apartment.

"Yeah what's wrong?" you ask him with a frown thinking you'd done something wrong.

"How would you feel, about becoming my girlfriend..." he asks before presenting you with a little gift bag in papaya orange that had chocolates, flowers, a little card and a pair of expensive Cartier earrings. Not that you knew that until you got back to the hotel you were currently staying in and opened them up.

"Oh my! Yes! Please" you replied happily and he was trying so hard not to laugh at your super polite and formal answer to his ... well what now felt like a proposition

You were so happy and getting to spend time with Lando was everything! You came to races and everyone adored you, not just the people in McLaren with Lando but all the TV presenters, the fans and the other teams.

Lando was confused that after having dated for three months you hadn't done anything within a sexual nature. Not that it was an issue for him but he was just used to his girlfriends being bold and upfront compared to you, who was a little shyer and more reserved.

He knew he just needed to be a grown up and talk to you about it but he didn't think he could have this conversation with you. It felt wrong almost.

"Baby, can we talk?" Lando says patting the sofa while you were in the kitchen starting to prep for the lunch you were going to make the both of you.

"Yeah, what's wrong? Did I do something?" you ask looking at him carefully and taking a seat next to you.

"No, no not at all. It's kinda the opposite actually!" he laughs at his own joke not thinking you'd take notice of it.

"I haven't done something? I - did i forget to do my dished? I'm so sorry if i did!" you say looking back to the sink frantically thinking you'd missed your glass of orange juice and bowl of cereal you'd had this morning.

"No no, and don't think of it that way. I was just joking around - erm, I just wanted to say we've been dating for a while now and I was hoping we could start to be more intimate?" he asks holding your hand and your eyes widen and your cheeks redden.

"I- erm" you start to stutter and he rubs his thumb over your hand.

"We don't have too... if you don't want too! But I just wanted to ask!" he rushes out not wanting to make you uncomfortable.

"It's just that ... I've never ever done anything like that!" you say looking at him with those innocent doe eyes that made him go crazy.

"Like never ever?" he asks in shock, you were a gorgeous girl and even when he was out with you, guys would always be coming up to you, making conversation and flirting with you.

Now that he thought about it, you never actually could tell when you were being lightly flirted with. You were very oblivious too all moves guys made, unless they were literally asking for you number.

"Mmmm no, I mean ... you know you're like my first boyfriend right?" you ask him, cocking your head to the side.

"Wait, you've never been with anyone else other than me?" he asks, and fights to keep the smirk off his face. There was something so dirty, about the fact that you were so pure and untouched, and that it turned him on that he would be the first, and hopefully last to show you everything he could.

"No" you whisper and he looks at you, before cupping your face and pulling you in for a soft kiss.

"Will you let me show you, everything I want to?" he asks looking at you, brushing some of your hair behind you so he has full view of your collarbone.

"Yes..." you breathe out, feeling flutters in your stomach at both his words and actions.

"Now?" he asks with a little gulp, hoping the answer would be a yes.

"Yes, show me now Lan!" you say, climbing onto his lap getting excited about the actions to come.

"Okay, baby. Lets slow down" he laughs holding you in place. He shifts about so he's comfortable and starts to run his hands over your body. Little goosebumps rise to the surface coating your arms as his fingers roam across your collarbone, down over your clothed boobs and down until he had a firm grip on your hips.

"As much as I like your wearing my shirt baby, I'm going to take it off you now, is that okay?" he asks looking you in the eyes and you nod, looking down a little intimidated by the intense eye-contact.

"Words baby, you gotta tell me" he smiles at you and you smile.

"Yes, you can"

And he does, he fingers brush against you and a groan comes out of his mouth as he see's what he's been missing out on seeing. Your perky tits were currently clad in an orange coloured bra. He didn't know if that was a normal colour for you or if you'd brought it since dating the McLaren driver.

"You are so fucking beautiful" he says looking at you, teasing against the straps of your bra before slowly pulling down each of them, before reaching round the back and unclasping it so it fell off you.

In reflex your hands came up, to cover your exposed chest, it wasn't something you were used too.

"I want to see and touch baby, please let me!" he says softly.

You felt comfortable and confident enough with Lando that you felt like you could show this part of yourself to him, a part that no-one apart from you had seen.

The moment was getting more and more intimate as his hands started to fondle your boobs, pinching squeezing and kneading. Lando learning what you liked from the noises you were making as he continued.

The more intimate it got, the hotter and more impatient you got with the new sensation in you stomach and the slickness and heat building between your legs.

Naturally, your body is craving friction. Your mind is going haywire not really knowing what to do to get the relief its craving. So your body automatically started to grind down on him, and you could feel just how excited he was getting with the large bulge building in his sweatpants.

You could tell it was something he liked too from the little whines and groans that came out overtime pressure was applied.

"I- I want to make you feel good. But I don't know how" you offer and he nods.

"Do you want me to show you?" he asks and you nod. He takes your hand and starts to help you palm him through his joggers, breathy moans coming from him.

"That's it, and when your ready you can take them off" he breathes out softly, not wanting to rush you into anything.

You take him out of his jogger, having a grip on him that was tight and he couldn't help but moan at the sensation.

"That's it baby. Now just run your hand up and down in a fisting motion!" he says, but you make no move to start, his head that was thrown back raises to look at you in question.

"Can you show me?" you ask, wide eyes and he nods, taking your hand that was around him in his as he helps you start to move up and down, showing the pace and grip that he liked. His moans were constantly flowing out now as he let go to grip the edges of the sofa and lean back. You started to go a little faster, before slowly right down and placing a kiss on his cheek.

"I heard... from friends that you really like when we use our mouths?" you ask and look at him.

"You dont have to if you don't want to" he groans.

"I- will you enjoy it?" you ask.

"I think i'd enjoy anything you did to me"

"Then i want to do it" you nod and he sits up a little more.

"Okay, get on your knees baby..." he directs and you get to the floor in between his legs.

"You want my help?" he asks and you nod, he takes your hair into a ponytail to keep it out your face.

"Okay, open baby. Remember no teeth baby, it hurts!" he smiles and you start by what you thinks right and go straight in. You gag a little and he pulls you head back from the grip.

"No need to rush hunny. Just start with the head, and then you'll feel a vein on the underside that always feels good, okay? But don't rush to fill your mouth up okay?" he chuckles a little bit as he watches you listen to him.

You start with small movements around his tip, moving your tongue over his slit where pre-cum is leaking out. It was a strange taste that the first few times had your eyes screwing but you slowly got used to it.

You run your tongue along the underside feeling the throbbing vein he was talking about and he went crazy, moaning above you and desperately trying not to thrust up.

You slowly take more and more in your mouth and what you cant fit you decide to use your hands to cover the rest and use the movements you were doing earlier.

"Holy fuck! Are you sure you havent done this before baby?" he asks in shock of how good it feels. Maybe it was just because he was so in love with you that it felt 10x better than he ever had, or maybe you were just a quick learner and good at observing what he liked.

A minute later and he was coming into your mouth, you were quick to swallow all of him and leave his dick with a string of saliva attaching you together.

"Fucking hell baby" he smiles pulling you up onto his lap resting you on top of him, your knees either side of him.

"Was that good?" you ask, shyly. He can only nod as he catches his breathing.

"Your turn!" he smirks, one had on your hip the other one inching up your inner thigh under the skirt you were in. His hands starts to rub your clit through your underwear, and he smiles as your head falls into the crook of his neck and he can feel your breathing pick up against him.

His fingers curl round the edge of your panties pulling them to one side rubbing his fingers through your wet folds.

"Is this all for me baby!" he asks using his free hand to run through your hair as you keep your head in the crook of his neck rocking against his movements. His fingers eventually find there way in, the stretch a little painful at first.

"It's okay, it'll start to feel good in a minute" he says rubbing your back comfortingly.

"Tell me if i should stop yeah?" he asks and you just nod before quickly shaking your head, realising that may have come across as you want him to stop when you really don't now that a coil is building in your stomach and his fingers are feeling incredible inside you.

"Lando!" you whine starting to kiss along his neck and jaw, needing to occupy yourself with something to focus on the growing feeling inside you.

"Fuck baby, the things you do to me!" he exclaims feeling himself get hard again from the whole intimate situation occurring.

In seconds you're letting that coil go, not being able to hold it in any longer and gushing over his fingers. He pulls them out, taking them into his mouth, licking them clean groaning at the taste of you, his gorgeous girlfriend.

"I gotta have a taste of you baby!" he practically whimpers out, before laying you on the sofa and spreading your legs open. You shyly try to shut them but he just tuts.

"Lemme baby please!" he says softly and he stop resisting against his hands. He dives in, nipping and licking at the parts he knows are most sensitive, before devouring you as if your a five course meal. It felt incredible, better than his hands and you legs were shaking the whole time.

Your mind was fuzzy and you could only let out little swear words and his name to let him know just how good he was making you feel.

And only minutes later and you were releasing into his awaiting mouth where he fully cleaned you up. He draw back, a small sheen on his nose and corners of his mouth from your release that had you blushing.

"Lets finish this in the bedroom yeah?" he asks and you nod eagerly as he picks you up tossing your over his shoulder, giving your arse a light tap on the way out that had you giggling and squealing.

He places you gently on the bed hovering over you. He starts to take the rest of the clothing that was left on you off and chucking it to the floor before he starts to take his own off. He reaches into the bedside draw, grabbing a condom and opening it with his teeth before rolling it on.

"You are so beautiful baby! Are you ready?" he smiles, now lining himself up with your entrance. You hesitate for a split second, before remembering its your incredibly kind and beautiful and caring boyfriend Lando above you right now who wouldn't dream of hurting you.

"Yes" you nod, and he slowly starts to push himself into your warm, wet caverns. He moans at the tight feeling of you, kissing across your neck and collarbone trying to help you un-tense a little.

"Baby, you gotta relax" he guides you, starting to play with your boobs to get you feeling good. He pushes in a little more when he feels that you arent tensing as much and you sigh.

"Woah, your so big!" you exclaim, thinking he'd bottomed out from the stretch as you try regain your breath.

"Baby... hate to break it to you but I'm only halfway inside you" he laughs with a chuckle, nearly loosing his balance on his forearms that he is using to hold himself steady above you.

"What?" you ask opening your eyes too look at your laughing boyfriend.

"Thank you for the compliment though baby, that makes me feel really good about myself" he says honesty before he pushes the full way in, finally bottoming out. You wiggle a little trying to get comfortable before giving him a nod where he starts to move in and out of you.

It starts to progressively feel better and better to the point where you can start meeting his thrusts to make it a little quicker. The sounds in the room are anything but innocent, both of your breathy moans and your high pitched whines when he reaches in between you to rub circles on your clit and the sound of slapping skin.

"Lando fuck! I love you" you cry as the pressure builds up and up.

"I fucking love you too" he breathes out, his thrusts coming a little sloppier.

And soon your both releasing at the same time as he pulls you in closer to him, almost laying all his weight on you.

"I'm like so glad we had that talk!" Lando laughs pulling himself up to look at you.

"Me too, I cant wait for you to show me more!" you grin pulling him into a kiss making him groan and grab the pillow to put over his face. He was exhausted but ... round 2 sounded like a shout.

Taglist:

@littlesatanicassholebitch @hockey-racing-fubol @laura-naruto-fan1998 @22yuki @simxican @sinofwriting @lewisroscoelove @cmleitora @daemyratwst @lauralarsen @the-untamed-soul @thewulf @itsjustkhaos @purplephantomwolf @chasing-liberosis @summissss @gulphulp @starfusionsworld @jspitwall l @sierruhhhh @georgeparisole @youcannotcancelquidditch @tallbrownhairsarcastic @ourteenagetragedy @peachiicherries @formulas-bitch @cherry-piee @spilled-coffee-cup @mehrmonga @bigsimperika @blueberry64857959 @eiraethh @curseofhecate @alliwantisadonut @dark-night-sky-99 @i-wish-this-was-me @tallrock35 @butterfly-lover @barnestatic @landossainz @darleneslane @barcelonaloverf1life @r0nnsblog @ilove-tswizzle @laneyspaulding19 @malynn @viennakarma @landosgirlxoxo @marie0v @yourbane @teamnovalak @nikfigueiredo @fionaschicken @0picels0 @tinydeskwriter @ironmaiden1313 @splaterparty0-0 @formula1mount

[kashverse]

anything for gojo your majesty🎤🎤

if you are not a nicki minaj fan i'm sorry

gojo being a stay-at-home dad was a double-edged sword. on one hand, babytoru was getting an absurd amount of quality time with her father—on the other hand, that quality time often involved questionable educational choices. you had expected him to teach her something useful. math, maybe. how to read kanji. literally anything that would benefit her future. 

instead, you walked into the living room to find your six-year-old sitting cross-legged in front of the plasma tv, gripping a pink crayon like her life depended on it, while gojo stood in front of the screen, pointing dramatically at an image of nicki minaj like he was delivering a ted talk.

"okay, kid, write this down," he said, flipping the remote in his hand like a mic. "in the beginning, there was mixtape nicki. underground legend. 'playtime is over,' 'sucka free,' 'beam me up scotty'—pure heat. this was when she really started cookin’. had wayne and drake in a chokehold. also, fun fact, this was when she still had the super thick ny accent—"

he glanced down at babytoru's notebook, then did a double take.

"baby, what the hell is this?"

she beamed up at him, proudly holding up a page where she had written, in large, wobbly pink crayon letters: nickee menaj.

gojo let out a long, dramatic sigh and pinched the bridge of his nose. "baby, this is unacceptable. you’re taking notes like a casual. like an unserious student."

"but i don’t know how to spell her name," she pouted, fidgeting with her crayon. he crouched down to her level, gripping her tiny shoulders. "listen to me. nicki minaj is a spelling bee champion. do you understand how embarrassing it would be if we couldn't spell her name right?"

babytoru gasped. "she is??"

"not officially, but spiritually," he said solemnly. "now fix it. it's n-i-c-k-i. no ‘e’s in this house."

she quickly erased and rewrote, murmuring under her breath, "n-i-c-k-i… no ‘e’s in this house…"

"good, good," gojo nodded approvingly. "okay, now where were we? ah, yes. pink friday, her debut album. iconic. certified classic. if you ask me, 'roman’s revenge' is the best track—insane flows, legendary bars. ‘did it on 'em’—a cultural reset. but of course, we can’t forget ‘super bass,’ which single-handedly raised a generation of barbz."

babytoru scribbled furiously.

"now, next, we have roman reloaded, where she gave us pop nicki—think ‘starships,’ think ‘pound the alarm.’ polarizing, but the range? undeniable." he paced the living room like a professor mid-lecture. 

"then we enter the pinkprint era. arguably her magnum opus. heartbreak, bars, versatility—this is where we have ‘anaconda,’ ‘only,’ ‘feeling myself’—"

you cleared your throat loudly.

gojo froze. babytoru turned to look at you, her eyes twinkling with excitement. “mama! did you know nicki minaj is a spelling bee champion?”

you stared at your husband, who was now whistling innocently.  "satoru. why is our daughter taking notes on nicki minaj like this is a university lecture?"

"because it is," he said, placing a hand over his heart. "this is the history they don’t teach in school. i’m simply filling in the gaps."

"what about, i don’t know, actual school subjects?"

"she’s learning literacy," he argued, gesturing to her notebook.

"she spelled her name wrong five minutes ago."

"papa taught me how to fix it!" babytoru chirped.

"see? she’s improving already," he grinned. "also, i’d like to point out that this is a music history class, actually. next period is music theory, where we’ll be analyzing nicki’s rhyme schemes and cadence."

you pinched the bridge of your nose. "satoru—"

"babe, come onnnnn. you of all people should understand the importance of culture."

before you could respond, he clapped his hands together. "alright, break’s over! babytoru, let’s talk about queen. underrated era, but still solid. ‘chun-li’ was a moment. oh, and don’t even get me started on ‘good form’—"

you sighed. maybe it wasn’t entirely useless. at least she was learning something.

but when you glanced at her notes again and saw "all these beaches are my suns" written in pink crayon, you decided you needed to intervene.

[hotvintagepoll]

LAST POLL OF ROUND 4

Danny Kaye (The Court Jester, The Inspector General)—Danny Kaye, idol of my childhood, maker of the weirdest faces! This man SETS HIMSELF ON FIRE and then puts himself out in a bucket in a movie based on a Gogol short story. In the same movie (Inspector General), he flirts by playing a carrot as a musical instrument. In Wonder Man, he's brilliant but struggles with things like riding buses. I have been envious of his fake Italian/French/German/Spanish monologues in The Court Jester for the past three decades. As Walter Mitty, he is SUPREMELY SILLY yet also somehow manages to be a comic foil for none other than Boris Karloff. All this is to say nothing of The William Tell Song (TV, thus not linked, but great.) I adore him.

Donald O'Connor (Singin' in the Rain, Francis, Call Me Madam)— LOOK AT HIM. Those giant blue peepers. Those tappy tappy little feet that don't quit. The ears that stick out like little wings, ready to lift him up to goofy heaven. The way his face contorts into the strangest yet most endearing expressions. His ability to sing and dance alongside the hunk that is Gene Kelly and yet pull all attention away with his big-eyed buffoonery. The way his energy is unmatched in songs like "Make 'em laugh" - bouncing off the walls and tumbling through the air straight into my cold cold heart. Who else but a true scrungly lil guy would sit upon the witness stand and defend a talking mule with all the love and affection in the world - staring out into the court room with his bright wide eyes and eternally mouse-like expression, openly admitting that the mule is his best friend?!??! I see him and I want to pull him from the screen into my hand and just squiiiiiiiiiiiiish with all my might. I want to pinch his cheeks and have him bat those eyes at me. He just makes me go "eeehehehehehe" every time I see him and his silly little self. He is pure chaotic, ridiculous, scrungly perfection!

This is round 4 of the contest. All other polls in this bracket can be found here. If you’re confused on what a scrungle is, or any of the rules of the contest, click here.

[additional submitted propaganda + scrungly videos under the cut]

Danny Kaye:

He's so stupid. I love him.

Donald O'Connor:

My silliest little guy. My funnyman. My horsie. I have watched many a bad movie for this man. The scrungliest fact I know about him is that he was supposed to star as Danny Kaye's role in the iconic White Christmas (1954), as he had known Bing Crosby since he was a child, but couldn't because he caught a mule disease while working on those Francis the Talking Mule films Universal endlessly made him do. I wouldn't exactly recommend those movies, but Don's character getting psychologically tormented by a sardonic mule does make for quite a good movie night, if you know what you're getting into. Are You With It? is another one I don't exactly recommend, but it does open with Donald as a math genius actuary who is about to kill himself over a displaced decimal point before getting taken in by a traveling carny instead. His more well-known and beloved roles have plenty of scrungliness too, in my opinion. This man slapsticked so hard he wound up bedridden for his physical exertion! Rather than submitting Make 'Em Laugh, which the electorate has likely already seen (I hope), I'm submitting an underrated dance number of his, where he explains maths through tap dance. That movie is Not good, but god do I love him in that role.

I think it's arguably very scrungly to seemingly be a real life cartoon character made out of rubber, as proven by how slapsticky the list of scrunglies is so far. In which case, Donald O'Connor? He scrungles supremely. He even played Buster Keaton in a movie (that apparently can't be recommended, but still).

[themothwhisperer]

Embrace the changes is my advice. A game and a tv show simply aren’t the same. They are not made the same and they do not offer the same advantages.

I feel kinda sad for the people out there that played and loved the game, but hate on the narrative changes they made for the show. Change was inevitable. Otherwise, why doing it? Making a carbon copy of something isn’t that valuable in my opinion.

That’s one of the main reasons why season 2 can arguably turn out to be better than season 1. Because what will come next is unexpected. It comes with a sense of surprise and mystery.

And that’s especially true when it comes to Ellie and Dina.

With episode 4, the reaction seems to be quite divided and it’s honestly super fair, but it’s fundamental to understand how this relationship did a 180 for the televised version. The game was stability, consistency and maturity. The show is all about playfulness, confusion and tension.

The most common comment I see is about the sex scene. I’m sorry, but to have them getting intimate was necessary, especially for the fans of the game. Taking it out would’ve been wrong in many ways. And when you think about it, this was the only good timing for it. The weed scene simply couldn’t happen in the show because the pace of their relationship is drastically different here.

At this point in time in the game, they are official and comfortable. They are getting into this journey as a couple and it’s crystal clear. And because of this closeness they already have with each other, it was hinted that Ellie was immune. She reveals that information very early on. Even if Dina didn’t believe her, there is a little unconscious connection that clicked in her brain. It won’t be as shocking when she will be confronted to it.

In the show, however, they are tiptoeing around each other. Ellie has feelings for Dina and Dina knows about it, but she’s scared to dive in. She feels the same way, but her sexuality is still a bit of a challenge. She’s been told by her mother this wasn’t right. It’s a mess, basically. And if we compare the timelines, it becomes very obvious that the game and the show are not evolving at the same speed when it comes to this.

So here’s the thing tying back to the immunity question: When Ellie takes a bite to save Dina’s life (which is, by the way, such an exciting and romantic change), Dina’s world is crumbling down. The possibility of them being together dies instantly. She feels guilty because she didn’t speak up earlier. Now it’s ruined. She’s desperate and terrified and heartbroken. I’ve read many things about the lack of communication into this scene, but dialogue is not always key to boost the narrative. Actually, it pretty often does the opposite. Dina doesn’t ask questions because she cannot deal with what might be said, by herself and Ellie alike. It will make it so much worse when she actually has to pull the trigger. She can’t stand the idea of having Ellie voicing she’s in love with her. She can’t allow herself to let it all out either, probably thinking it would be unfair to Ellie. So she stays silent. She’s just crying and waiting for the worst to come. And the biggest difference with the game is how there is no prior connection in Dina’s mind to have a glimpse of hope. She absolutely cannot believe in the immunity claim. There is no way. That’s why she’s not asking about it or trying to hear Ellie out. Once again, it would only make it worse.

Release comes, however, in all the ways possible. Ellie suddenly wakes up, water dripping down on her and a few hours actually went by. She’s fine. And Dina staying silent is motivated by the fact that she’s in absolute shock. To her, there was only one way out of this. She was most likely already grieving Ellie. But now it’s different. Ellie is actually okay, the bite didn’t evolve and she’s evidently feeling well. Once again, she’s speechless, shaken to the core. What can we expect? She just walks very slowly towards her, taking it all in. The anxiety, the fear, it’s all washed away. What’s left is her overwhelming feelings for her. There is nothing that can get in her way now. She’s learned her lesson. And the only words she can actually verbalize is the fact that she’s pregnant. It’s the only thing she’s hiding from Ellie. And before surrendering to her emotions, she just says it.

Here again, I’ve seen things about the pregnancy announcement and my question is: How else would you want it? A pregnancy announcement is a pregnancy announcement. In the game, it actually broke my heart. How Dina is invalidated by Ellie like this. Ellie who’s completely blinded by her rage. I’m not saying a softer Ellie is necessarily better for the storyline, but I did enjoy that pure moment of innocence in the show. She’s taken aback, but she’s not judging. They’re 19 after all. They don’t know what it means and how they will deal with it, but they want to figure it out together.

So yeah, the sex scene makes so much sense. Dina is ready for them to be together, she perceives only love in Ellie’s reaction and she wants that closeness with her. She won’t waste another second. Having this scene happen later on would’ve been so odd. Ellie will soon torture an already dying Nora, she will be next level traumatized. Dina will most likely get sicker from her pregnancy. This was the perfect moment, considering the rhythm of this version.

Finally, if we want more Dina, that was the only way to go about it. They need to be extra close for it to make sense. Many people were disappointed (myself included) by the fact that Dina is sort of forgotten after Seattle Day One in the game. They fixed it. Let’s appreciate it.

(Can we also acknowledge the breathtaking performance Bella Ramsey and Isabela Merced delivered?)

[physalian]

Pacing your Story (Or, How to Avoid the "Suddenly...!")

Arguably *the* most important lesson all writers need to learn, even for those who don’t give a damn about themes and motifs and a moral soap box: How your story is paced, whether it’s a comic book, a children’s chapter book, a doorstopper, a mini series, a movie, or a full-length season of TV (old school style), pacing is everything.

Pacing determines how long the story *feels* regardless of how long it actually is. It can make a 2 hour movie feel like 90 mins or double the time you’re trapped in your seat.

There’s very little I can say about pacing that hasn’t been said before, but I’m here to condense all that’s out there into a less intimidating mouthful to chew.

So: What is pacing?

Pacing is how a story flows, how quickly or slowly the creator moves through and between scenes, how long they spend on setting, narration, conversation, arguments, internal monologues, fight scenes, journey scenes. It’s also how smoothly tone transitions throughout the story. A fantasy adventure jumping around sporadically between meandering boredom, high-octane combat, humor, grief, and romance is exhausting to read, no matter how much effort you put into your characters.

Anyone who says the following is wrong:

Good pacing is always fast/bad pacing is always slow

Pacing means you are 100% consistent throughout the entire story

It doesn’t matter as much so long as you have a compelling story/characters/lore/etc

Now let me explain why in conveniently numbered points:

1. Pacing is not about consistency, it’s about giving the right amount of time to the right pieces of your story

This is not intuitive and it takes a long time to learn. So let’s look at some examples:

Lord of the Rings: The movies trimmed a *lot* from the books that just weren’t adaptable to screen, namely all the tedious details and quite a bit of the worldbuilding that wasn’t critical to the journey of the Fellowship. That said, with some exceptions, the battles are as long as they need to be, along with every monologue, every battle speech. When Helm’s Deep is raging on, we cut away to Merry and Pippin with the Ents to let ourselves breathe, then dive right back in just before it gets boring.

The Hobbit Trilogy: The exact opposite from LotR, stretching one kids book into 3 massive films, stuffing it full of filler, meandering side quests, pointless exposition, drawing out battles and conflicts to silly extremes, then rushing through the actual desolation of Smaug for… some reason.

Die Hard (cause it’s the Holidays y’all!): The actiony-est of action movies with lots of fisticuffs and guns and explosions still leaves time for our hero to breathe, lick his wounds, and build a relationship with the cop on the ground. We constantly cut between the hero and the villains, all sharing the same radio frequency, constantly antsy about what they know and when they’ll find out the rest, and when they’ll discover the hero’s kryptonite.

2. Make every scene you write do at least two things at once

This is also tricky. Making every scene pull double duty should be left to after you’ve written the first draft, otherwise you’ll never write that first draft. Pulling double duty means that if you’re giving exposition, the scene should also reveal something about the character saying it. If you absolutely must write the boring trip from A to B, give some foreshadowing, some thoughtful insight from one of your characters, a little anecdote along the way.

Develop at least two of the following:

The plot

The backstory

The romance/friendships

The lore

The exposition

The setting

The goals of the cast

Doing this extremely well means your readers won’t have any idea you’re doing it until they go back and read it again. If you have two characters sitting and talking exposition at a table, and then those same two characters doing some important task with filler dialogue to break up the narrative… try combining those two scenes and see what happens.

**This is going to be incredibly difficult if you struggle with making your stories longer. I do not. I constantly need to compress my stories. **

3. Not every scene needs to be crucial to the plot, but every scene must say something

I distinguish plot from story like a square vs a rectangle. Plot is just a piece of the tale you want to tell, and some scenes exist just to be funny, or romantic, or mysterious, plot be damned.

What if you’re writing a character study with very little plot? How do you make sure your story isn’t too slow if 60% of the narrative is introspection?

Avoid repeating information the audience already has, unless a reminder is crucial to understanding the scene

This isn’t 1860 anymore. Every detail must serve a purpose. Keep character and setting descriptions down to absolute need-to-know and spread it out like icing on a cake – enough to coat, but not give you a mouthful of whipped sugar and zero cake.

Avoid describing generic daily routines, unless the existence of said routine is out of ordinary for the character, or will be rudely interrupted by chaos. No one cares about them brushing their teeth and doing their hair.

Make sure your characters move, but not too much. E.g. two characters sitting and talking – do humans just stare at each other with their arms lifeless and bodies utterly motionless during conversation? No? Then neither should your characters. Make them gesture, wave, frown, laugh, cross their legs, their arms, shift around to get comfortable, pound the table, roll their eyes, point, shrug, touch their face, their hair, wring their hands, pick at their nails, yawn, stretch, pout, sneer, smirk, click their tongue, clear their throat, sniff/sniffle, tap their fingers/drum, bounce their feet, doodle, fiddle with buttons or jewelry, scratch an itch, touch their weapons/gadgets/phones, check the time, get up and sit back down, move from chair to table top – the list goes on. Bonus points if these are tics that serve to develop your character, like a nervous fiddler, or if one moves a lot and the other doesn’t – what does that say about the both of them? This is where “show don’t tell” really comes into play.

4. Your entire work should not be paced exactly the same

Just like a paragraph should not be filled with sentences of all the same length and syntax. Some beats deserve more or less time than others. Unfortunately, this is unique to every single story and there is no one size fits all.

General guidelines are as follows:

Action scenes should have short paragraphs and lots of movement. Cut all setting details and descriptors, internal monologues, and the like, unless they service the scene.

Journey/travel scenes must pull double or even triple duty. There’s a reason very few movies are marketed as “single take” and those that are don’t waste time on stuff that doesn’t matter. See 1917.

Romantic scenes are entirely up to you. Make it a thousand words, make it ten thousand, but you must advance either the romantic tension, actual movement of the characters, conversation, or intimacy of the relationship.

Don’t let your conversations run wild. If they start to veer off course, stop, boil it down to its essentials, and cut the rest.

When transitioning between slow to faster pacing and back again, it’s also not one size fits all. Maybe it being jarring is the point – it’s as sudden for the characters as it is for the reader. With that said, try to keep the “suddenly”s to a minimum.

5. Pacing and tone go hand in hand

This means that, generally speaking, the tone of your scene changes with the speed of the narrative. As stated above, a jarring tonal shift usually brings with it a jarring pacing shift.

A character might get in a car crash while speeding away from an abusive relationship. A character who thinks they’re safe from a pursuer might be rudely and terrifyingly proven wrong. An exhausting chase might finally relent when sanctuary is found. A quiet dinner might quickly turn romantic with a look, or confession. Someone casually cleaning up might discover evidence of a lie, a theft, an intruder and begin to panic.

--

Whatever the case may be, a narrative that is all action all the time suffers from lack of meaningful character moments. A narrative that meanders through the character drama often forgets there is a plot they’re supposed to be following.

[anyalovesu]

𝓷ever recover

idol!Heeseung x lsf member!reader

— get over the tv show and live life like you used to. that’s what you promised yourself when your members chose you to participate in the tv show your group was selected to star in. it was never your intention to fall for heeseung in real life, but you’re here anyway.

જ⁀➴ ˚ ༘ ೀ⋆｡˚

genre : fluff/angst w comfort (?)

pairings : heeseung x fem!reader

wc : 14.2k+ words

cw :

☾₊‧⁺˖⋆ idol!au ☾₊‧⁺˖⋆ reader has eating issues (tw!!) ☾₊‧⁺˖⋆ yunjin and yeonjun being in a rs mentioned ☾₊‧⁺˖⋆ reader is a member of le sserafim, '03 liner ☾₊‧⁺˖⋆ (ft. beomgyu from txt, lsf members, and en- members ☾₊‧⁺˖⋆ heavily inspired by joy and sungjae from when they were in we got married ☾₊‧⁺˖⋆ slight smut (?) very suggestive ending ☾₊‧⁺˖⋆ mentions of sasaengs, obsessive fans, death threats ☾₊‧⁺˖⋆ lmk if i missed something hehe ☾₊‧⁺˖⋆ not proofread (yet hehe)

playlist : i'll never recover જ⁀➴ ˚ ༘ ೀ⋆｡˚

��It’s going to be an amazing opportunity for you to actually give people some perspective!” Chaewon pleads with you in the common room while you sit there with the rest of the girls, just arriving from your dinner with your managers where you found out that Le Sserafim was offered to participate in a tv show.

Arguably, this would definitely make or break your group's long standing record of hate trains. You’ve gotten used to it at this point. This would assuredly bring some of those back in a bigger surge most probably, but the rest of them were arguing that it would be a good opportunity to show them a side of you that they have not before—especially since you were always branded as the man-repellant of the group ever since your debut with your playful show of disinterest in dating.

“And if the perspective doesn’t turn out to be what you think it is?” You sighed, fiddling with the strings of your hoodie. You wished you could banter about this the way you normally do, but by the way you were hyper aware of the camera clipped on your table, you knew it would probably not be the best idea to do right now.

“Then you did it for the plot!” Yunjin playfully jokes, making you snort quietly. “If it doesn’t turn out well, then we can just laugh at it and say that you did it for the plot!”

You’ve always done that. You were never one to have inhibitions to do whatever you pleased, which also meant you were a big pain in the ass for your managers and PR associates. This was a huge step in the box on what you usually do, but you’re not going to argue that the seemingly impulsivity of it all seemed very on-brand for your fearless and playful persona.

“It would’ve been you most probably if you stayed in the US with your parents. I’m pretty sure those American boys would’ve been head over heels for you!” Yunjin egged on even more.

“When am I going to find out who it is?” you asked your manager who was sitting on one end of the coffee table in the common room. 

“Once you’re in the show, they’re going to surprise you on who it is?”

“Is he going to be in a different company or the same?” You bombarded your manager with questions which ultimately made your group laugh with how persistent you are with milking your manager for answers. Most of you knew that he probably already knows who it is by the way he tried to avoid your gaze while actively deflecting your questions. 

“You have to wait!”  he says finally. “I just want to know if you are really sure about this. You know we can always decline the offer.”

“Crazy shit like this doesn't come everyday,”  you laughed. You knew it was unreasonable and the arguments you have to defend your claim on why you should actually do the show would probably not stand well in court but you are you. You’re always going to say yes to the most outrageous shit that offers itself to you. You were fearless after all.

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You paced around to try and calm your nerves when the production staff from the tv show began to set up in your practice room where you and your members would meet your virtual “husband” for the first time through a mystery zoom call. You were oriented that they would have you message each other first and try to get as much information from each other before finally going to the meet up place tomorrow so that you could formally meet. As the call time drew closer and closer, you couldn’t help but feel your feet turn cold, finding yourself in deeper waters than you would usually dare to go to. Besides, who even has an absolutely insanity of a mind to agree with this outrageous show? You were starting to delude yourself that this was a prank and that your manager wasn’t actually going to have you marry for the next 30 days. You have a busy schedule! You are already going insane as it is, is he really going to let you do this?

“Honey, come back here,” Yunjin laughed as she pulled you to plop on the couch next to her and the girls. “You know I can’t tell if you're anxious or you're excited?”

“I don’t know either,” you chuckle at her. It was true. The thrill of being out of the dorms and living with a complete stranger for an entire month was exciting. In a game of most likely to, the girls would’ve pointed at you the same way they did when the offer was discussed with your group in that dinner. This really was something you would most likely do compared to the other girls but whoever you were going to be paired with will determine how this is going to go. You have a massive ten-wheeler truck of  hate waiting to crush you and leave you for dead without an active career in entertainment. You were worried this was not the amazing opportunity they made you think it was.

“Okay, we’re starting in 2,” the producer smiled at you girls as he held up a hand to get your attention. 

You couldn’t help but stare at your phone on the table showing your lock screen, watching the numbers turn from the displayed time before the director finally calls everyone’s attention by handing your leader white box adorned with a bright red ribbon around it, holding it securely.

“Oh!” Chaewon giggles excitedly, “I can't believe my baby Y/N is going to be the first to get married! My baby!”

You were only 3 years younger than Chaewon and a few months younger than Kazuha, but you were always referred to as Chaewon’s baby because of the doting  nature that the leader had for you and your group’s youngest member, Eunchae. 

Chaewon happily helps herself in opening the gift box, finding an envelope and a phone in the box.

“Oh, you have a mission card! And a phone!” Sakura chimes.

“Is it your invitation? Am I invited to your wedding? What is the phone for?” Eunchae bombards you with questions, excitement practically bursting through her seams. 

“I can’t believe you’re getting married before your Unnies!” Yunjin adds.

Chaewon opens the envelope to find a mission card which read in wedding-esque lettering, 

“To Y/N, your virtual marriage starts tomorrow but first you must get to know your virtual husband through a special couple app that we have made especially for you.”

“Do you think your husband will be younger or older?” Yunjin asked.

“I hope he is older or the same age,” you replied politely. “I don’t want him to be younger. It would feel wrong. My grandpa is older than my grandma, and my dad is also oppa to my mom. I also have a little brother who is only younger than me by exactly a year. That would feel really weird.”

“I think older would also be fitting for you,” Sakura replied. “ I think you need someone who will take care of you and you tend to be a little stubborn towards your peers that are your age.”

“She literally does not eat unless it’s the unnies that tell her to eat,” Kazuha complained. “She would literally just watch me eat!”

“I am taught to not eat before my elders do!” you argued, remembering that because you were raised in a traditional household before you moved in with your grandparents, who also upheld necessary traditional values,  in Uiwang-si when you told your parents you wanted to be a musician in Korea, you were very connected to what you were taught to be disrespectful and what not.

“Girl, you are just a picky eater and are always looking for an excuse to skip meals,” Yunjin chuckled. “I hope your husband makes you eat different things.”

“I’m going to eat ramyeon.” you joked.

“I hope my brother-in-law does not make you eat ramyeon,” Eunchae laughed. “You need to eat healthy, too much ramyeon cannot be good for you.”

“Brother-in-law?!” Chaewon sounded appalled upon hearing Eunchae call the mystery man as such already.

“They are virtually married, are they not?” Sakura laughed at Chaewon, poking fun at the excessive reaction from the leader. “I agree that we should call him brother-in-law from now on.”

“Tomorrow! The virtual marriage starts tomorrow!”

After the yap session, which you were very sure was going to be in fast forward once the episode airs, you finally decided to open the app to find your virtual husband already sent you a message.

“He sent me a message already!” You laughed dryly, trying not to make you seem too excited before you deadpanned, “oh I already feel like the prettiest person in the world.”

Hello. Do you play video games?

“Oh! He asked if she plays video games!” Kazuha happily jumps as soon as she sees the message.

“Oh no!” Chaewon jokingly whines. “They are going to play video games all day!”

Yes. I play Valorant.

“I have a feeling that they will bond very well!” Yunjin announces. “The vibes are vibing right now and they have a total of 2 messages to each other!”

The next few messages were responded to very quickly, both parties seemingly anticipating the response of the other. You could help but start to wonder who your virtual husband was or was this some elaborate prank to get you to break and show a new character that the media hasn’t seem to unlock yet. It was a crazy idea after all.

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“Hi guys,” you chuckled towards your little camera mounted on a small tripod, even though cameramen surrounded the HYBE Cafe to capture the scene. “Good afternoon!” You made sure to bow and greet everyone from the production staff and the cafe staff before making your way to the seat that you were oriented to sit in. 

“I was told that I had to prepare a gift,” you started after propping your mini camera on the table. “So, my gift is in here…” you made sure to let them see the little brown box that you and Kazuha decorated in your dorm last night after you had packed your things to move for a month with the mystery virtual husband that you will meet today.

You were told that while the two of you will be living together, given that company would not fully allow you sleeping next to someone remotely close to tempting you to ruin your own career, you were assured that after filming you are allowed to sleep in the other room in the apartment they were going to make you stay in for the next 4 weeks.

“I’m just going to spoil it,” you yap while waiting to be signalled that your on-screen partner is there already. “It’s a gaming keyboard since he mentioned that he plays video games. I thought maybe I should get him an xbox controller but I’m not sure if he plays games that use that. So a keyboard would be more generic to give. I promise to give better gifts to my virtual husband when I get to know him better.”

As if on cue, right after you talked to your little camera about your gift, you were asked to put on a blindfold because your virtual partner has arrived and they want you to have a first look at each other at the same time.

“You may now take off your blindfold,” the producer instructed before you tugged on the lace of the blindfold behind your head. 

Your eyes had to take a good few seconds before it could adjust and recognize the person sitting across you. 

“Oh shit.”

You immediately slapped a hand over your mouth in surprise that you actually said it out loud. You only meant to keep it in your thoughts, but it’s Lee Heeseung from Enhypen.

His fans are going to hunt you down, you were so sure of it but the assuring look on his face as surprise wore off of it as he got used to looking at you made you seem more comfortable.

You’ve interacted with him a couple of times before. Maybe made a tik tok with him once or twice. The ship was very unlikely, you weren’t very sure why your managers agreed to this, whereas if they had placed Kazuha or Yunjin in your place, considering the amount of manips he has with your other members, they would’ve gone more viral.

“Hello,” he bowed to you politely, even getting up in his seat again to do a full 90 degree bow. You found yourself mirroring his actions almost immediately. 

“Lee Heeseung,” he introduced himself, holding his hand out.

“L/N Y/N,” you replied in the same tone before accepting his hand to shake. 

“Did you have a hunch on who your virtual partner would be?” 

You both looked at each other, trying to recall from the conversation last week before shaking your head. There were a couple of other idols that played video games—it could've been your best friend, Beomgyu for all you cared.

Oh shit. Beomgyu. He is going to crash out when he finds out you're married to his other bestie for the next month and you haven't even told him you're doing this.

“How are you feeling then? Now that you already know who your partner is for the next few weeks?” The production staff was giddy. They were through the roof with squeals from behind the camera every now and then. 

“Choi Beomgyu is going to kill me for virtually marrying his other bestie,” you replied frankly, holding back your laughter as you looked at the director. “Ya! He's going to lecture me for hours about marrying him!”

“I think he will kill me first—”

“We made sure Beomgyu will not burst through the door,” your director announces. 

“Unless he is tied up in the basement for the next 30 days, we are never sure if he's not going to burst into our apartment instead,” Heeseung jokes, leaning back against his chair. 

You take a good look at him. If you were to be honest, you've never looked at him for this long. By some fucked up standard, you have trained yourself not to look at people for too long, at least not long enough for unsuspected cameras to capture. You've never had a dating rumor since debut which was honestly a big deal for you—and now this. But that's besides the point.

Heeseung reeked of charisma. He had this good aura around him that made you feel comfortable. He was undeniably handsome and lean. God. He seemed like his parents carefully crafted him with handpicked good genes from their body and took their absolute time of their lives creating him with love—he definitely did not looked like he was made from a fuck and go situation. He was a masterpiece himself—god what are you even thinking? 

“Y/N, Heeseung asked for your coffee order,” your manager repeated, snapping you back to reality.

Heeseung chuckled at your previous zoned-out state. He daresay you looked adorable with your pupil blown out and seemingly in deep thought to not recognize that you were being instructed to do something.

“Oh it’s just a Spanish Latte, thank you so much,” you replied to him. He grinned at you as he nodded before you hid your face in embarrassment.

The crimson in your face began spreading to your ears which made the production team squeal in delight at your sudden shyness. Even your manager and Heeseung’s manager who sat closely to the director could not hide the stupid grin on their faces as the cameramen tried to capture the obvious blush on your face.

“This should be illegal, why does he smile like that?” you playfully talked to your small camera on the table. “He looks like he knows everything about me but not in a creepy way!”

“Really?” 

Oh sweet babybel cheese. He heard that.

“No! It was a joke!” You panicked, hiding your face with your hands as you kept your head low on the table to avoid looking at him again. 

It hasn’t been an hour and you’ve already embarrassed yourself for about more times than your hands could count. Everything Sakura just taught you about flirting before you came here was suddenly out the window. You were a huge bag of disappointment and embarrassment right now and you don’t even know how you managed to do that much in such a short span of time.

“I’m just really flustered, I’m sorry,” you apologized before coming up with another yap topic, “I have been training since I was 14 and was homeschooled before that. My social skills had to be developed in training.” 

“My manager only told me, my partner was from Uiwang-si,” he told you. “My manager hasn’t told me anything after that.”

“He's right! I am from Uiwang-si! My grandparents live there!” You replied happily. “I have lived there since I was 14.”

“I was born there!”

“We should visit there before our marriage ends! My grandpa is going to have a heart attack if he finds that I came there with a husband!” You laughed. “I brought my friends there one time, and then Beomgyu was there! He told me after that if Beomgyu hadn't been the way he is, he would've assumed he was my boyfriend and his blood pressure would have shot up.”

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“How would you describe your childhood?” you asked, reading the cue cards they had given you as your “get to know each other activity”.

“Hard,” he jokingly laughed. “Looking back at it now, half of my childhood was training and worrying if I'll ever debut.”

He made it sound light and funny but it was a reality for many people, especially in the kpop industry. Once upon a time, you also thought about whether you should've just continued pursuing your ballet career in the US because your dream of the kpop scene did not seem to go anywhere. You were lucky your grandmother insisted that you continue your ballet lessons on top of training with Source back then so that you'd always had that safety net if ever you ended up not pursuing your kpop career.

“You debuted though,” you reminded him, his face softening at your tone and your statement. “Arguably one of the best performers of our generation also. So I guess, the hard work paid off, huh?”

Heeseung was stunned. He's always reminded of how far he's come by many of his peers but somehow, hearing it from someone who trained for a year longer than he did, validated something in him. He knew you would be able to understand what it felt like to hold your career so dearly after working day in and day out for it.

“It did. Yours too.”

Heeseung knew about you. He would be lying if he said he didn't have a tiny crush on you. You were highly regarded as Source's golden child. You were their secret weapon trainee and he's always known that whenever it may be, when you debut, you were going to make it big—international, even. And now you are sitting in front of him, after you did make it international with your Coachella stint, which you and your members did well in his opinion despite the criticisms. Maybe you could give him a couple of tips on what he can do better for their turn next year..

“I remember seeing you in the Hybe building,” you smiled at him. “Source was just acquired by Hybe and I was relatively a new recruit. I think you and some of your other members were preparing to go to I-land back then. I had a short conversation with Jay because he heard that there was another American in the building.”

You were a spectacle to Heeseung from the get go. He knew Jay spoke to you but he couldn’t do the same after he got intimidated by the rapid English words that made your conversation with him seem so enjoyable for the both of you. He didn’t want to insert himself into a situation he didn’t know how to sustain, so he stayed back.

“That’s why he knows you!” he laughs. “You did very well in your training too. We were really happy when we heard the news that you were going to debut!”

“He was really a good brother figure to me,” you explained. “Him and Yunjin always made me feel close to home.”

“I am looking forward to making you feel at home too then,” he replied, making you cackle at his pick-up line. 

“To be fair, Uiwang-si is my home too, so I am looking forward to that!”

“You haven’t answered the question yet, though,” he reminds you, pointing at your cue card, reminding you once again that you have lost yourself in a stream of thought. 

You look at your cue card to check the question once again as you laughed at yourself, trying very hard to focus on what you were actually doing. 

You thought of your childhood but it seemed that it wasn’t any different than his. You were dancing the moment you were able to balance yourself on your own. You’ve been doing ballet since you were three, did full time training as soon as you were old enough to be in a pre-professional program before you were recruited by Source Music in a ballet recital when you were 14. That somehow awakened a dream in you that you didn’t know you had. You wanted to resist it at first. Ballet has been your whole life—you are leaving an entire career of continuous conditioning, training and dance competitions for a chance to be in the spotlight in your home country. It seemed far-fetched to leave an entire life behind for what could be but it was what your heart desired and being the ever so impulse-driven person that you are—it brought you here.

“Ballet has been my entire childhood. I was on my toes for half of it, and crying for the half because I feel like I will never be good enough or because something hurts,” you explained to him while holding back a laugh. “I think I will still be doing that if I didn't debut but you know, I don't think I'll be as happy.”

Heeseung could watch you talk all day. It seems all too surreal to even fathom that he will be virtually married to the girl he had a tiny crush on before he went to I-Land. You were still a sight to see, even years after the last time he was in close proximity. 

-

The day eventually ended and you were in the living room of your home for the next month. All  the cameras were either shut off or taken home by the production staff at last so you were able to sit comfortably on the living room couch watching your favorite show on the TV. 

“I'm making ramyeon,” Heeseung calls from the kitchen connecting to the living room. “Do you want some?”

“Yes, oppa!” you replied to him, raising a thumbs up just in case he didn't hear you properly. 

You have decided to drop the honorifics for the camera and just let me gradually lose it as time goes after the cameras are out during one of your  a while ago. 

It didn't feel like you were going to have a hard time working and living with Heeseung. He was a gentleman after all and has a nurturing nature in him. You know Chaewon wishes he's not going to feed you ramyeon right now just like they had predicted but it could be worse. You and Heeseung didn't have any interactions personally other than for the tiktoks prior to today so it's a huge step already to have him cook for you.

“We should go buy groceries tomorrow with unnies,” you tell him quietly as you both enjoyed your own bowl of ramyeon and some spam. “They will not be very happy if we eat this for the rest of the month.”

He did not object to it, nodded before asking, “Did you really want to do this?”

You look at him, curious as to why he would ask that suddenly. Was he expecting someone else? Did he not want you to be here?

You shook your head, trying to deflect, even though deep down inside of you, you wanted to do this just to see how it would turn out. 

“You?”

“Just wanted to know how it would turn out,” he snorted. “Jake didn't want to do it. He would be a mess the entire show too. My guy is too nervous and too hormonal for his own good.”

“Could've turned it down?”

“I barely had a girlfriend when I was in highschool and right now, our fans would quite literally destroy anyone remotely close to seemingly dating me.” He chuckled. “I don't think I'll ever be with someone anyway in my 20’s. So I just went for it.”

The utter ingenuity of his explanation somehow got you because you did feel the same. Yunjin was blasted when she got the dating rumor with Yeonjun. The world seemed to close on her when it happened because it seemed like everyone was trying to end our career because of it. It never stopped though, people trying to end your group. You just started to learn not to give a damn what they have to tell you.

“What about you?” 

“I don't really care what happens,” you reply. “I don't even know how I feel about it right now. But I'm glad it's you.”

“I'm glad it's you too,” he chuckled before going back to just sitting there in comfortable silence while you watched Grey's Anatomy on the TV.

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“You look unwell,” Heeseung points out, concern laced in his voice as he watches you come out of your room to get ready for the day. “Can you still go grocery shopping today? I don’t mind going by myself if you’re not feeling well.”

You shrugged. You hated flaking out of plans, besides when you survived practice with a mild fever before, grocery shopping isn’t something you were afraid of doing while a little hot. You were sure that you were okay.

“We can do it tomorrow. You really look like you’re going to faint,” he explained before rising up from his seat from the dining table to help you walk to the other end of the table from where he sat. “It’s totally okay, Y/N.”

“Oppa, I’m okay.”

“Jay can do the grocery for us!” he announced. 

“The producers will kill us,” you forced out a laugh. “I’m okay, Heeseung. I’ll just take an Aspirin and I’ll be fine for the rest of the day.”

“Are you sure?” he asked, opening the fridge to take the microwavable bibimbap he got this morning. “Do you want this, or cereal?”

“You got us breakfast?” You looked surprised that he did. You always woke up with food on the table because Sakura hated not seeing you and Kazuha have breakfast. So she always made you two foods before you could even wake up. 

“I wanted to make something better than anything that goes in the microwave but this would do,” he replied, shyly scratching the back of his head as he avoided your gaze.

He woke up earlier than he usually would that morning to take a walk outside of the apartment building to check for food stalls or convenience stores he can get you breakfast from. He contemplated if he was going to get bibimbap or something that he thought was more your thing as an American. So he ended up buying a ready-made bibimbap that he could easily microwave at home and a box of cereal and milk. He really was hoping for a more thought of breakfast for the both of them since it was their first time eating breakfast together but upon thinking of it last night, which honestly was the first time he was up that late that wasn’t because of practice or League, he realized that he’s not confident about cooking anything besides spam and ramyeon. 

And the thing was Heeseung wanted to impress you. Everyone knew you were a lazy eater, and he wanted to make sure that with him, despite all that, you were being fed very well. So, giving you options was the most doable effort he has for now. He took a mental note on his way home that he will make sure to message Jay or one of your members later this dinner to teach him how to cook anything you might want to eat tonight.

“That bibimbap looks nice actually,” you replied. Heeseung nodded before placing the food container in the microwave to heat it up for you.

“Are you really sure you can film today?”

“I have a mild fever, oppa,” you laughed at him. “I’m not going to die.”

“I don’t want to be accused of neglecting my wife, excuse me!” he playfully argued. “If you really want to go, the production team will be here in about 2 hours, so we better start getting ready after this. Take your time though, two hours is still a long time.”

You were fortunate enough to be with people who always took care of you. That being said, you never had to look for anywhere to fulfill the desire to be loved, because you were loved in every home you went to. Dating never interested you before, to be frank. Besides the fact that your manager would more or less kill you if you ended up in a dating scandal, you were too busy to meet anyone. You didn't know many people outside of Le Sserafim. You barely had any friends predebut because you were homeschooled and your ballet class friends weren't exactly friendly with you after they found out that you were training to be a kpop idol and were not too focused on the same goal as them. 

It made your heart race that someone who barely knew you managed to show you kindness. The things that years of struggling to make genuine connections taught you somehow vanished into thin air as Heeseung gently places the back of his hand against your forehead to check if you were still hot before nodding when he felt that you didn’t feel very warm anymore.

“Just tell me if you don’t feel well along the way… yeah?” His bending down to be at eye-level with you was the cherry on top of it all.

Who is this man and why does he know how to make your knees feel weak?

“Okay,” you replied shortly, smiling at him, your eyes crinkling on the sides which was a feature Heeseung was sure he’s never seen before and he’s only noticed now that his face is so close to yours. 

You were… beautiful.

He knew that all along, long before you were this close to him. But it was like seeing what beautiful is in 4K—like all of a sudden being this close to you gave him a whole new definition of beautiful, because even the texture of your face makes him wonder how long it took for God to craft you… it must’ve taken them a lot of time.

And you would’ve fully fallen for it, if you just kept your eyes on him—if the corner of your eye didn’t catch the cameraman hauling this huge filming equipment to capture the moment because now you have this pit in your stomach as if your heart has sunken into it. 

It’s for the show. You have to remind yourself as Heeseung offers his hand for you to hold as you make your way out of the apartment that you shared. 

-

“My grandma used to always bring me with her to the market,” you smiled at him. “I went home to them on the weekends. It sort of just became a normal thing for us to go to the market really early every Saturday morning.”

“Are you closer to your grandparents or your actual parents?”

“Well, my grandparents took care of me from the moment I landed here. So maybe now, I’m closer to them. I still have a very good relationship with my parents and my little brother. With my little brother, it’s a little better now than before, because we always used to fight but whenever I can take breaks and I could go home to New York, we bond a little better now,” You explained to him as you browsed through the meat section of the supermarket. “I suppose you and your brother are close too? I saw that clip from I-Land.”

“We are close,” he chuckled. “Every now and then we meet up to play basketball when we’re both free since he is in University.”

“I wish me and my brother still lived in the same country,” you laughed. “While I do treat Beomgyu like my brother, that idiot would pick fights with me and our entire day out would’ve been just us bantering about random things that don’t matter.”

The two of you kept on going around the supermarket trying to find novel things to make your apartment a little more interesting. So, by the end of it all, you had funky shaped coffee cups, mismatched plates and a couple other cutlery that you both picked for each other.

It really did seem that you and Heeseung were building a home for each other as you talked about each other’s upbringing over what color of plate the other should get. And while he thought he’d never be the type to enjoy those kinds of things, he figured that maybe hearing about the tiniest and the most mundane things about someone could be interesting if it was you that’s talking. He found out that you and Yunjin were family friends long before you were kpop trainees and actually flew to Korea together and how devastated you were when Yunjin went home to New York after PD48 and how somehow, you became HYBE’s way of convincing Yunjin to come back and join the girl group even though it did not take her a lot to say yes. And even in the things he would usually not enjoy getting done, like picking out meat for the upcoming days as he would rather just order take out—he seemed to enjoy it now that he’s with you.

And you didn’t feel any different. You don't have to feel anxious whenever you have to talk to a vendor as Heeseung would beat you to it every time. Oh and you had to pretend you didn’t notice how hard he blushed when an old lady told you that your boyfriend was a dream to have and how you playfully corrected that he is your husband. You enjoyed seeing Heeseung flustered.

-

“Today was a lot, right?” Heeseung laughed, throwing himself on the sofa, already showered and dressed in his pajamas. Which consisted of his grey sweatpants and a Hybe shirt that you were sure everyone from the company had. 

“I hope I didn’t talk your ears out,” you replied at him, raising your head from your phone to look at him. 

“I like listening to you talk,” he smiled.

And you couldn’t help it. Before you could even cover your face, you were already blushing and Heeseung is basking in his glory once again that he’s finally got his revenge from you flustering him a while ago in front of the production staff and the old lady.

“It is actually refreshing to hear someone else that isn’t one of my members,” he laughed. “Don’t get me wrong. I love those idiots, but I am enjoying hearing you talk. It’s like I have this personal podcast playing live all the time.”

Before you knew it, you were asleep on Heeseung’s shoulder. You were out all day after all running errands like a married couple should, it must’ve tired you. But in Heeseung’s opinion, you did not look tired at all. 

Heeseung couldn’t help but feel his heart race as he watched your sleeping figure. It was too early to fall in love with you, but it did feel like that. You were so easy to love and he was all in for it like he has been doing it for a long time already. The way you would innocently explain things to him around the marketplace that he would ask you about somehow made him feel at ease that you weren’t going to judge him for not being as knowledgeable in life as you were. It was as if you were okay with helping him learn the things he should’ve known a long time ago. You were a breath of fresh air and it made him feel like he was free from the bounds of being perfect for the next few weeks while he’s with you. 

He carefully lifted your head from your shoulder before picking you up and bringing you to your room. You are  a heavy sleeper, he takes note in his mind as he pulls the covers over your resting body.

જ⁀➴ ˚ ༘ ೀ⋆｡˚

“Don’t forget to eat lunch, okay?” Heeseung reminds you as he drops you off of your practice room with your members.

“Hi oppa!” Eunchae happily skips towards you to give you a hug as she smiles at your husband brightly. “How is unnie adjusting at home with you! Is she eating well? I hope you’re not staying up too late playing video games!”

Heeseung could tell that you were so well taken care of by your members. You were their second youngest after all. He was so glad that so far, Eunchae’s inquiries were all being met. He’s managed to make at least a decent breakfast for the both of you this morning with the help of Jay from facetime. Was Jay excited about waking up at 5 in the morning to teach his brother how to cook? No. But did he do it anyway for the sake of giving his darling virtual sister-in-law the breakfast that she deserves? Oh yes. 

“Of course, I am feeding Y/N! Right, jagiya?”

Eunchae screamed in excitement as soon as the nickname slipped out of Heeseung. She was ecstatic, running over to the other girls to tell them what she just heard. The other girls screamed as well. The both of you couldn’t help but laugh at their reactions. 

“Jagiya…” you trailed. “That’s new.”

“I’m sorry, was it too much?” Heeseung peed, immediately going into panic mode, thinking that you weren’t comfortable with it. “It just slipped, I promise!”

“It’s cute,” you answered, chuckling at his panicked state before pressing a soft kiss on his cheek as you let him go. “Go now. Your members must be looking for you. You’d be late.”

You hurriedly closed the door before you ran towards your girls, leaving Heeseung a blushing mess at what you just did. 

“Did you just kiss that poor boy?” Yunjin screamed, grasping your arm as she made you look at her. 

“He is my husband, unnie!” You explained, making it sound as it was a matter of fact that she should have already known. “What did you want me to do?”

“I don’t know, maybe show some decency because there is a kid in the room?!” Yunjin dramatically retorted as she pointed at Eunchae who was still buzzing in exhilaration from witnessing that. 

“Is he treating you alright, at least?” Sakura asked softly as she wrapped her arms around your waist. “Are you eating dinner every night? Eating is always your problem, Y/N. He should be feeding you alright.”

“He is feeding me alright,” you sighed. “I heard him talking to Jay this morning. He asked Jay how to make a proper breakfast. Is that enough evidence that I am eating alright?”

“You're smiling a little differently,” Chaewon teased. “The show got you good, no?”

“What the hell do you mean I’m smiling differently?” you voiced, brows furrowing as you turned to Chaewon, whose face expression you couldn’t quite figure out if it was happy or scared. She was smiling but her eyes told you something else.

“Let’s just say you do end up falling in love with him,” your leader mumbled. “You do know the managers are never going to let you do it, right?”

She said it so calmly and nicely that you almost forgot how harsh that truth was. The worst part was realizing she was right. The few days that you have spent living with Heeseung really had you smiling differently and you’ve only realized now that she pointed it out. You were starting to like him. But for what? You were never going to be with him in real life after the show. You don’t even know if he likes you that way outside of the show.

You looked around for anyone familiar from the production staff of the show to see if anyone was filming it. Relief washed over you as soon as you confirmed that they stuck with their terms and did not film your activities when you are separated.

“Y/N,” Sakura cooed as soon as she realized how Chaewon’s words affected you. “It’s okay! You’re going to be okay! I mean it’s a normal thing to fall for people like Heeseung! He is so kind and generous to you!”

“Right! I would fall in love too if someone made that much of an effort to feed me!” Kazuha added. 

“I don’t want you to see falling in love with Heeseung as a bad thing,” Chaewon sighed, moving closer to you as she reached for your hand. “We’re not even sure how long we’re going to do this for and if we’ll ever have the chance to fall in love with anyone with the schedule that we have!” She squeezed your hand before lifting your chin up to make you look at her. “I’m just saying that it’s going to be hard but I cannot blame you for feeling that way. You’re still a human person, Y/N and falling in love with someone who is kind to you is a human experience. That is okay to have.”

While she did have a point, you did realize how sad and unfortunate it was to be in a situation like that. 

“You still have 2 and a half weeks to enjoy his company,” she reminded. “After that we’ll ask you how you feel about it and then decide our course of action from then on.”

“What's important is, whatever your decision is,” Yunjin smirked. “Whether or not it’s going to get us in trouble, we are going to support you! Even if it meant all of us would have to sign an NDA again to keep your future relationship with Heeseung a secret.”

2 weeks and 2 more days. After this, you can just live your life like you never knew him and maybe then your accumulating feelings for him would fade. 

-

“What do you want for dinner?” Heeseung asked, standing by the door frame of your room, watching you stare at your laptop that you brought with you since your normal gaming set-up was too much of a hassle to transfer just to bring back after a month.

The production team had already left a good half an hour ago after the both of you were briefed about tomorrow’s agenda which was hanging out with his members for half the day and with yours for the remaining half. You felt lethargic after all the practice you had to do for your upcoming promotions as your EP was waiting to be released by the approaching month, around the same time this show will go on air. On top of that, your conversation with Chaewon still clung to you, and you were so desperately trying to get your head out of it by playing Valorant. But your trusty game to replace your worries with anger did not seem to work at all for you tonight. Heeseung standing by your door frame was not helping either.

“I don’t really feel like eating dinner tonight, Hee. I’m fine tonight,” you replied at him politely, glancing back at him to acknowledge his presence. 

Heeseung clicked his tongue before walking over to see your game. He sat on your bed watching you play.

He’s never really entered your room before. You’ve entered his room a lot of times before when you watched him play League and when he taught you how to play his favorite game. Nothing malicious ever happened when you were in there so you weren’t expecting anything here either.

“Chaewon explicitly told me before the show started to never let you sleep without eating dinner,” he stated as soon as you died for the round. “So, I’m sticking with that. What do you want for dinner?”

“I’m not hungry,” you repeat, a sigh following as you avoided his gaze. “You can just not tell unnie that I didn’t eat dinner tonight.”

“Okay,” Heeseung shrugged before getting up and leaving your room. You let out a sigh of relief when he does, thinking that he finally left you alone.

Or so you thought. As soon as your door was shut once again, Heeseung was dialing Yunjin’s number in hopes that she can suggest anything he can cook up to make you eat dinner. 

“Heeseung! Is everything okay?” Yunjin asked immediately as soon as she answered on the 3rd ring.

“Y/N doesn’t want to eat,” he confesses. “She just sounds upset and I don’t know if it was anything I did or something just upset her before coming here.”

“Oh,” Yunjin sighed from the other line. “Well, I don’t know if I can tell you what might be the reason why she’s like that but ramyeon should do the job of feeding her for the night. We don’t usually let her have it for dinner, but when she’s especially resistant to eating, which usually happens when she’s upset, we just let her have it.”

“So ramyeon is the solution to all of this?” he asked, a chuckle following his inquiry. 

“Yes,” Yunjin laughed from the other line. “She will inhale that shit so fast and the dinner problem is done before you know it.”

“Would it be so bad to tell me what upset her?” he asked once again. “If it’s something I did, I want to know. I don’t want to keep on doing something that upsets her, Yunjin.”

“I'm afraid it’s something all of us have little to no control of, Heeseung.” Yunjin dejectedly replies. “If there was anything I could do about it, I would’ve done it myself. But it’s out of our hands. But it isn't anything in particular that you did, don’t worry about that anymore.”

As soon as the call was dropped, Heeseung got to work making your dinner. 

On the other hand, Yunjin turns to Chaewon and Eunchae who’s looking at her in shock that Heeseung called her. 

“What did he say?” Eunchae inquiries immediately. 

“I really think the conversation about her and Hee not being able to be together even if they do end up falling for each other got to her,” Yunjin starts. “She doesn’t want to eat dinner. Heeseung called to ask if there’s anything he could do to somehow just not make her skip dinner.”

“And you didn’t tell him that he’s partly the reason why she’s upset?” Chaewon added.

“Of course I didn’t!” Yunjin sighed exasperatedly. “I don’t want to upset them both. They seem into each other and it’s just sad that it’s supposed to end. I wouldn’t have wanted it to end if that was me.”

Eunchae gave her a weird look, “Not because I like Heeseung. I’m just saying if that was me and someone else and I’m getting treated like a proper girl in love, I wouldn’t have wanted it to end. I don’t even know if I’ll ever get to experience anything remotely close to that ever again!” Yunjin explained right away. 

“I just feel bad for Y/N,” Yunjin continues. “You know she’s all that uninterested in the idea of dating and all before but you know she’s a hopeless romantic.”

–

“I made you something,” Heeseung knocked on the door once again, holding up a bowl as he stood by the slightly open door. 

“Heeseung—”

“Before you complain it’s ramyeon and Yunjin is going to lecture you tomorrow for not eating dinner if you don’t eat this because I asked her if there’s anything you would eat so she knows that you’re being hard right now,” Heeseung cuts you off before barging inside of your room and placing the bowl in front of you. 

If Heeseung wasn’t fast enough, he wouldn’t have noticed that you weren’t playing anymore and was instead doing something with your digital audio workstation software open in your laptop but you managed to change the window before he could check the song title. 

“Eat up,” Heeseung demands, as he picks up the chopsticks and puts them in your hands. “Can you do it or do I have to chew it for you.”

“You are a disgusting rat, Heeseung,” you rolled your eyes at him before letting out a chuckle. “Where’s yours?”

“They’re outside, I’ll eat when you’re done.”

“Get a chair and eat here,” you ordered. “It’s sad to eat alone.”

Without any objections, Heeseung does what you asked him to do. Which in reality made your heart skip at how willing he was to make sure you weren’t feeling lonely. He had to take in consideration that you never ate alone when you were with your girls. And whenever you did go in your solo activities alone, either one of the girls ate with you through facetime or your manager ate with you.

“You didn’t have to do this, Hee,” you mumbled at him as you devoured your bowl. Heeseung couldn’t help but smile fondly at you. Yunjin was right, you were going to inhale it.

“I wanted to do it,” he replied shortly.

You hummed in response, looking at your laptop screen where you watched your favorite show while you ate. You were half watching and half lost in thought on whether or not you should tell him or if it was too much information. There was a reason why your members rarely ever let you eat alone and it was a reason only a specific group of people knew.

“You wanna know why they always make sure someone is always with me whenever I eat?” 

Heeseung raised his eyebrows, looking at you with intent before he asked, ���why?”

“The people in my school used to bully the fuck out of me during lunch,” you recalled. “I was in second grade when these kids started to make fun of me for bringing Korean food for lunch. I used to hate lunch breaks because it would mean that my favorite food in the world would get picked on for another day yet. Until people just started avoiding me at lunch tables and they would sometimes shoo me away from their table. It was too much for me back then so I just stopped eating lunch to avoid it. I would throw my food in the trash before getting on the bus because my mom would kill me if she found out that I wasn’t eating the food she prepared.”

“And the principal caught me throwing my food away one time and told my mom, and of course she was furious but then she heard why I didn’t eat lunch. Even if she switched up the food she gave me it still would’ve been unappetizing to eat and the kids still would bully me for ‘wanting to fit in’. I mean to be fair, maybe I really wasn’t the prettiest girl when I was a kid, and it probably was the reason they didn’t stop the bullying even after my food was switched. But you know… kids will be kids… I just wished someone would stop them and tell them it was wrong, you know? Because one thing led to another and the next thing I knew I switched to homeschooling and food was just a bad memory to me because I blamed it so much for not having any friends.”

“I hung around with Minji a lot when I was scouted,” you continued. “But she got transferred to Ador and I was alone once again. Then, Beomgyu found me eating alone in the practice hallway and the little shit just sat with me and ate his sandwich next to me, outyapping me because I got really shy when an idol approached me out of pity.”

“You didn’t bring it up to him at all?” He asked curiously. 

You shrugged, “Boy, I was already struggling to debut. My friends were one by one getting chosen to be in survival shows and getting placed in debut lineups. I was starting to delude myself if I really lived up to my secret weapon trainee title because they really showed no interest in putting me in a debut lineup any time soon and only wanted me to help produce songs for the meantime. I did not want them to think that I am barely improving and I still had the audacity to demand having an eating buddy?”

“I’m sorry you had to go through that,” he sighed, obviously brought down by the sudden lore being spilled.

“It’s no problem anymore,” you told him. “Beomgyu actually managed to toughen me up and lectured me for hours on end whenever he found out that I didn’t eat which was honestly absurd because we’re not even related and he keeps saying he’s doing it out of pity. But that idiot did manage to tell my manager and my members about the eating situation when I debuted and they kept their word. I’m surprised he wasn’t the person you called a while ago.”

“I have no prior knowledge that Beomgyu had that kind of power over you,” he laughed.

“He doesn’t,” you snorted. “He just never gets tired of saying the same thing over and over and I don’t always have the braincells to listen to him. So it’s ramyeon first, if it doesn’t work, call Beomgyu.”

“You and Gyu are really close, no?”

“He’s like my older brother that I never had,” you tell him. “We like to joke that he only acts like such because it makes him feel responsible without doing much. We’re also really close in personality so the friendship works.”

“I’ll know when to call him then,” he smirked playfully. 

“I’ll know when to decline his call then,” you retort.

જ⁀➴ ˚ ༘ ೀ⋆｡˚

“Are you hot?” Heeseung asked as he reached for the mini fan that the staff was handing him as you and his members walked through the busy street trying to look for the restaurant that Jungwon found online. 

“Not really—”

“Noona, we found it!” Ni-ki happily jumped as he ran back towards you and Heeseung, taking your hand quickly to bring you to the restaurant that was just a few stores away from where you and the rest of the older members were walking. Ni-ki reminded you so much of Eunchae. He started all shy and serious but did end up opening up to you and talking a lot once he got the hang of you. 

“Your youngest really just stole your wife like that,” Jake teased as they watched Ni-ki open the door for you and get inside of the restaurant. “He looks like a kid excited to have his mom around.”

“She looks like she’s enjoying his company anyway,” Heeseung chuckled fondly, watching you and Ni-ki laugh at something as they entered the restaurant themselves. “Just let him be,”  he tells them. He watches as you throw your head back like a kid while you laugh over something he’s yet to ask the context of, but he might just watch you laugh like this instead. You were adorable interacting with his youngest member like that.

“Have you ordered already?” Heeseung asked you. 

“Oh, Jungwon handled all of the orders. I just told him to surprise me,” you replied, turning over to him as he reached for your hand. The weather outside was still very cold and it was a wonder how your hands stayed warm with that cold wind outside as if you had a personal heater inside of your body. 

“Your usual food isn't on the menu though,” Heeseung replied, brows furrowing as his eyes trail back to Jungwon and Sunoo who were still finishing up the orders with the menu in their hands. “What if you don’t like it?”

“Then I’ll make you finish the rest of it,” you playfully squeezed his hand, making him shrug.

“And if I don’t like it?”

“We’ll pack it to-go and I’ll force myself to eat it at home,” you chuckled. “I wanted to see what your members would feed me, Heeseung. Chill. It’s not like I cannot go out of my usual food selection!”

–

“He's the laziest cook in the dorms,” Jay chuckled as he sat back with you while you two watched the other members play foot volleyball. “I was about to crash out on him when he called me that early but then he asked me how to make fucking curry at 4AM in the morning.”

“And you want to tell me what?”

“That I'm pretty sure Heeseung likes you—in love maybe,” he replied quietly, hoping that the mics won't be able to catch it as the smaller production team that went with you today only had one boom mic with them and it was being used towards the guys who were playing. “I heard he's been calling your members too to ask them how to make your favorite meals.”

“Jay, are you hearing yourself?” you ask, holding back a laugh as Heeseung tries to catch a falling Ni-ki before he lands on his butt after the younger attempted to kick a ball too early.

“Heeseung is a lovesick fool,” he laughed. “And you are a little dense to not notice that.”

You thought about it well. You'd be lying to say that you didn't notice that he was really kind to you and no friend would've gone the lengths of bringing you food in the practice room if you were too busy to grab food for yourself. Regardless of whether or not cameras were seeing what his efforts were, he did it anyway. But you've never been involved with anyone romantically—what do you know?

“Noona, join us!” Jungwon happily calls as he jumps. “Jay-hyung! Get up!”

You couldn't help but adore the cat-like leader. Jay helped you get up from your seat on the mat they laid down for you on the grass. 

“Noona! Is in our team!” Jungwon declares that he and Ni-ki stood in front of you when Heeseung tried to take you.

“That is my wife!” Heeseung argued, trying to go around them to take you but the two were persistent. 

“And we are around the same age, so she's ours!” Sunoo joined in, creating another wall on your side to close you away from Heeseung. “You guys are old!” 

“You're not even 7 months older than Sunghoon!” Heeseung retorts. “Y/N! You're supposed to be on my side!”

“The kids want me on their team,” you laughed, reaching for Ni-ki's shoulder, which definitely was higher than you anticipated.

“The kids will always get their mom,” Jay shrugged jokingly, pulling Heeseung away so the round could start. “Even the court would agree.”

–

“Please give my gifts to the other boys, okay?” You told Jay as you got into the van, preparing to go to your afternoon schedule with your members this time. 

“I'll make sure they thank you for it, Y/N,” he chuckled. “Don't worry about it.”

“They seem to love you very much,” Heeseung told you as soon as the van started moving. 

You nodded. You noticed how they would make an effort to include you, even toning down their energy just to make sure they weren't tiring you out too much considering you still have things in your agenda after your time with them. Especially their younger members, they seemed pretty close to her despite only hanging out today. 

Although you couldn't quite forget what Riki told you when you got to the park earlier, “I'm going to miss having you around when you and Hyung finish filming this show,” he told you.

You started to wonder how complicated it would be to maintain a good relationship with Enhypen after this show ends. You truly wanted to be friends with them after this. They were really a very friendly bunch after all. But if Jay is telling the truth, wouldn't that make it complicated? To remain friends with all of them but one because he had feelings for you before and the feeling is possibly mutual?

“Especially Ni-ki,” he chuckled. “That kid did not want to let go of you!”

“He's like Eunchae,” you chuckled at him. “Really shy at first, you would only get giggles from that poor girl. Then when she gets to know you she turns into yapperton 3000.”

“It's hard to comprehend that you're the second youngest in your group,” he shrugged.

“Still 3 years older than Eunchae though,” you smiled at him. “She is like everyone's little sister, then me and Zuha are twins. Yunjin is our big sister. Chaewon is our mom and Kkura is our fun gay aunt.”

“Do you think they'll like me?”

You were taken aback. Since when did Heeseung worry about being liked by anyone? Everyone likes Heeseung from the get go. The moment they lay eyes on him, he's already got this good aura around him and then he opens his mouth to sing and it's over for everyone. He has the qualities of a person that is likeable.

“You've met plenty of women in your life, Hee,” you laughed. “Especially being a male idol. You have a huge audience and the majority of them are women. I'm pretty sure you know that you are one of the very likeable men out there.”

“I appreciate that you think I'm likeable, but I can't just flirt with your sisters to make them like me!” He argued playfully. “Jagiya, do you think I annoy them?”

“For what?”

“For calling them all the time to teach me how to cook your dinner,” he explained. “Oh my god! What if noona thinks I'm annoying?”

“I'm pretty sure that's cute to them,” you chuckled, patting his knee to calm him down. “They like you, Hee. There's nothing to sweat about.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes.”

–

“Hello, my baby!” Chaewon happily goes over to you to hug you before stepping aside to let Kahuza and Eunchae literally pounce into you to give you a hug, Yunjin follows suit before greeting Heeseung. Sakura does not give you anything less than that before fist bumping Heeseung. By this time, you’ve already gone back to your apartment to freshen up and get ready for your next agenda.

“We already ordered, by the way,” Yunjin declares. “Oh, Heeseung, I asked Y/N, your order. I hope she got it right?”

“I'll eat anything,” he replies shyly.

“Please order anything you like if I got your order wrong. I asked all your members a while ago about your food preferences because you never told me anything and you always just ate exactly the same thing I usually eat.”

Yunjin watched the conversation intently. Heeseung always looked at you with eyes no one could dim and good Lord. If that isn't love, then she does not know what is. 

“You ate an unfamiliar order a while ago,” he reminds you. “I'll do the same to return the favor.”

“Stop being cute, I might throw up,” Sakura joked across from you. “Is she being hard to live with, Heeseung?” 

“Aside from the fact that she takes her sweet time getting ready and does not like getting up early,” Heeseung started. “I think she's okay to live with.”

“Do you like unnie?” Eunchae blurts out, chin resting on her hands as she smiles at Heeseung innocently.

“Eunchae!” You didn’t mean to raise your voice, Eunchae seemed to know that already that’s why she bursted out laughing at everybody’s reaction because there was a lasting shocked face in Sakura’s face while Kazuha was laughing along with her, implying that she was in on the joke. Chaewon who was sitting next to Eunchae managed to playfully slap the younger’s arm in shock. And Yunjin… the ever so theatrical member, managed to choke on her water, when she heard Eunchae’s question.

“I don’t have a good enough reason not to like someone like Y/N,” Heeseung replied confidently. His chin even lifted a bit as he maintained eye contact with Eunchae as if convincing her to believe him. 

The next thing you knew your heart was skipping beats as you watched him and Eunchae banter. You didn’t want to believe it because ultimately, the cameras are on and the mic can hear everything he’s saying right now… but he’s sounding a little too convincing and you don’t know how to feel about it. 

“You didn’t have to go through all that banter with Manchae,” you whispered to him as soon as you felt him reach for your hand from under the table. “You don’t have to convince them.”

“I wanted to,” he replied coolly, fiddling with the rings on your fingers. “I want to convince them.”

“What for?” You asked as you watched him slide off the silver band from your middle finger to your ring finger. Your eyes followed the tiny little diamond encrusted on the top of your grandmother’s silver wedding band that she’s given you as a gift for your birthday a few months back. 

To say that your heart was exploding was an understatement. You felt everything and anything all at once. You had to hold your breath and blink a couple of times to hold back your tears as he aligned it properly before he glanced at you. 

“Because a husband must always prove that he is in love with his wife,” he replies before poking your cheek.

—

Somehow the conversation with Heeseung during that dinner never left you. You never got confirmation if he meant what he said or if he only did that because he knew the cameras were watching. In all honesty, you just want to believe it because it would hurt so much to hear that it isn’t real.

You liked Heeseung.

You were tired of denying it and sitting in front of your desk trying to get your little passion project song done has never felt more real as you try to justify that it's a normal thing to fall in love with people like Heeseung. It's his day job to make girls fall in love with him and you were a willing victim to his charm. Weirdly enough, you wouldn't have it in any other way.

You only have seven more days with Heeseung before you go back home and only go to the studio to film the confessionals. You're not even sure if you'll see him there but you want to. You don't want this to end. 

You still want someone to reach for when the movie gets too sad. You still want someone to hold your hand when you're tired. You still want someone to care for you whenever you don't feel like eating or when you're sick—but the thing is, you've had all of these before Heeseung. 

Heeseung has done a great job making it comfortable for both of you and you especially by providing everything that you're used to when you're in your dorms. He mimicked everything he could just to make sure that you were comfortable with him. But now that the end is near, you suppose you were too comfortable.

So now you're texting Yunjin, while holding back tears as you send her the demo version of your song after a long dreadful writer's block.

—

“Are you ready to meet them?” You asked Heeseung as he entered the car after you.

“Can you guys stop being cute, it’s gross,” Beomgyu rolled his eyes before crawling inside the car and squeezing himself between the both of you. “You have to ask the hand of her older brother first, Heeseung. Have you got no manners?”

“You are so annoying,” Heeseung rolled his eyes at him, holding back a laugh at how unserious his best friend was. 

“You married my other best friend, imagine how that feels for me!” Beomgyu argued. “And if you’re going to argue about how this shouldn’t be that big of a deal for me, I’m here to tell you that it is. Because it’s gross to see the both of you together and we’ve been friends for long enough to guarantee my invitation to her wedding and I was not even informed that it’s going to be with you!”

“Calm down, oh my god!” You slapped his shoulder to hold him back from nagging Heeseung any more. 

Your actions might not seem like it but you were grateful the production staff agreed that it was a great idea to bring Beomgyu along since, essentially, this whole man-child has treated you like family and your family did the same to him. And if they really wanted to sell the ‘meeting the family’ fantasy that they’ve been conceptualizing as your marriage soon reaches its conclusion, they must go all the way. Alas, Beomgyu is here. Lodged in between you and Heeseung because apparently, it’s gross to see your two best friends get married for a tv show. 

“You are an entire challenge to get through,” Heeseung murmured as he poked on Beomgyu’s side to annoy him even more. 

“Imagine the interrogation I can put you through if you keep acting up, Heeseung!” Beomgyu threatened him, eyes widening as he jokingly peered over Heeseung. “I am the favorite friend and there’s no topping that. I can put you through hours of interrogation with just one bad mouth.”

“I swear to everything good, if the both of you don’t shut up the entire ride I’m throwing you off this car.”

The both of them seemed to get the message when they looked back at you before quietly tugging on the seat belt to fit them before the car started. The car ride was relatively quiet, aside from the occasional banter that you had no problems whatsoever breaking up immediately before it got too serious, it was peaceful. Even the driver insisted on putting on some music just so it wouldn’t be too quiet whenever the two had to shut up for the sake of your sanity.

-

You can't help but put out a huge sigh  when you reach your grandparents home. You had explained to your grandmother last night the arrangements with Heeseung and that it was only for the tv show and you wouldn't have married someone you don't know beforehand. Contrary to what you formerly believed, your grandmother had a good laugh last night about the concept of the show and found it funny to keep it a secret from your grandfather for the meantime and surprise him about your marriage when you arrive.

“Y/N!” Your grandfather happily waddles to your car as soon as you step out of the vehicle, your grandmother slowly following him. The old man happily pulls you into a hug doing a little dance as he turns you around before he notices Beomgyu and does the same with him. “Beomgyu!”

“Who is this fine gentleman, Y/N!” Your grandmother smirked as soon as he noticed Heeseung smiling at the both of them shyly. It was so weird seeing him look so shy. He looked like he was screaming for help and he had to wipe his palms that began sweaty profusely the moment he heard your grandfather's voice. 

“Good morning, Sir Y/G/N and Ma’am Y/GM/N, I am Lee Heeseung from Enhypen. I come from the same company as your granddaughter and we're filming a show today which…” Oh dear heavens. Heeseung had it all practiced before he even got in the car. He practiced it in the mirror this morning, even practiced his speech with you before leaving the apartment but now he couldn't remember anything. Not a single thing on how he can properly break it to your grandfather that you got married for a variety show.

“Grandpa, Heeseung is my husband—”

“Excuse me?” Your grandfather looked like he was about to have a heart attack with the sudden news. “Does your mother know? Did any of your parents know? How could your company let you do this? Y/N! You're only 21!”

Your grandmother was taking it all in her to hold back from bursting out in laughter, holding on to Beomgyu as he does the same. Heeseung on the other hand, didn't look any better than your grandfather. He looked like he was going to pass out in fear with how your grandfather is reacting to all of this right now.

“Eomma knew it,” you joked. “Jen told her.”

“Yunjin told your mother? You couldn't even tell your mother yourself?”

“It's for the tv show only, grandpa,” Beomgyu bursted out in laughter as soon as your grandma signalled him to tell him already. She knew you were going to play it for as long as you could because the mischievous child that you are. 

“It's not real? You did not sign anything?”

“Just the contract for the show and an NDA that I'm not going to talk about until it's aired,” you laughed at him as the old dog let out a sigh of relief. 

“Why do you always do this to me?” he huffed as you looked back at your grandma, who planned it all. “Of course it was your idea!” 

“Well, Mr. Heeseung,” he smiled at the younger. “I am glad that you wanted to meet us even if this marriage is not for real.”

“I am actually from Uiwang-si too,” Heeseung replies politely before he finally comes out of the car to bow down to your grandparents. “I am very honored to get to meet you, sir.”

You all gasped in surprise when Heeseung, in his light brown pants, went down on the grass to kneel and bow to your grandparents. “Thank you for bringing Y/N mother into this world, without her the world would’ve never seen how talented of a person she is.”

“Please get up there, son,” your grandfather laughed, helping him get up and dust the specks of dirt on his clothes. “Come inside.”

You laughed as you approached Heeseung, Beomgyu managing to distract your grandparents with his excitement for your grandmother’s food. 

“Your hands are very sweaty,” you laughed at him, as you grabbed his hand to walk him in your grandparents’ home. “Were you that nervous?”

“I think I lost my heartbeat for a good 30 seconds when you broke it out like that,” he whined. “Good graces, I thought he was going to kill me!”

“He’s a cool grandpa,” you laughed. “Even if we did get married for real, he still would’ve accepted you. He has no room for resentment.”

“Heeseung, come here! We have Y/N middle school pictures, come look!” Beomgyu laughed from the door, holding up an old photo album that you recognize to be yours and your little brother’s that your grandmother made from the pictures that your mom sent them when you were back in New York. 

“Those are horrendous, put it back, idiot!” You yelled at him, dragging Heeseung inside before you ran towards Beomgyu to take the photobook away. “You are an insufferable little bitch, Beomgyu, oh my God, put it back!”

Heeseung took a look at the place while you and Beomgyu quarrel over the photobook. 

“Come here, Heeseung,” your grandfather called him over the piano on the corner of the living room. It was no secret that your family did have a wealthy background. After all, after a little more research under his belt, your family did own a successful business in the engineering field both in the country and in the US. It was sort of surprising to find that out, considering your modest way of living in the apartment with him. “Loosen up, kid. I’m not going to bite you.”

“Sorry,” he chuckled nervously still. “It’s the first time I’m meeting someone’s family.”

“You’ve met your members’ families, I’m sure,” your grandfather quips. “What’s the difference now? Y/N is your colleague just as much as they are.”

Heeseung thought of it well and hard even though it came out hard with you and Beomgyu still running around the house fighting over the photobook. His eye caught a picture of you dancing in a ballet tutu with a tambourine in one hand.

“That’s La Esmeralda,” your grandfather tells him when he notices the younger one staring at it. “She’s been dancing that variation since before she could wear pointe shoes. On her first birthday, her grandma put those ballet slippers in front of her at the last minute because Y/N’s mother used to dance ballet too. It used to be her whole life. She did nothing but dance but then decided that she was done and went straight into managing the family business. Y/N eyed those slippers before she was allowed to even pick and the moment she’s allowed, she grabbed onto it so fast and refused to give back that singular slipper.”

“She’s never looked back since. She would sleep in those ballet slippers as a baby. She was obsessed with it. Then one day this recruitment woman came to her after her dance recital and then it clicked something in her the same way engineering switched inside of her mother. In a blink of an eye, our Y/N didn’t want to be a ballerina anymore. She wanted to sing and you would think that four fruitless years of training would bring her back—but that kid never knows when to give up. The moment she decides something—call it a done deal, she will find a way to have that no matter what. When she loves, she loves it wholly and with everything that she has, even if it takes a lot of time to get there.”

Heeseung couldn’t admire the determination that you had as she looked at the years of ballet pictures that you had since you were in diapers. Some were even photos of you dancing with your mother. You really were a woman of your words… which… well… if weeks ago he wasn’t sure if he was in love with you… now he’s sure of it.

“Now, I don’t know your intentions with my granddaughter,” your grandfather continues, reaching for Heeseung’s shoulder as he pats it. “But whatever you do, I hope you don’t break something in her that will lose that determination, especially her ability to give as much love as she can. Because I don’t know who my granddaughter would still be if she loses that.”

Heeseung had no intention of hurting you. If he has to stay away from you just to make sure that it doesn’t reach the point of breaking you in that case, then he will even if it would feel like burning him alive. He’s never met anyone quite like you before—someone so open but so mysterious at the same time. It’s like he knew everything about you because you had no problem sharing it but still, there’s always more to you than what you’d tell.

“Yeobo, Heeseung, food is ready!” Your grandmother calls, making the both of you turn towards the entrance to the kitchen.

You and Beomgyu were busy placing the food and the plates on the table. You were like a kid again, arguing with your brother and then making up the next moment to get ready for food. You looked so relaxed and carefree around here than when you were in Seoul.

Heeseung was convinced he’s never seen you eat this much before. He just knows you’ll complain about how you’ll need to go to the gym first before going home just to burn everything you consumed today or your trainer would be a bitchy bunch when she notices your sudden weight gain. He hated that it’s the way that it is, but after a few arguments about her over worrying about it, he’s finally come into the acceptance that it’s the price they all pay for their dreams and no matter how fucked up that is—while someone has to go and change that ideal—it’s how it is right now.

It’s like watching you be another version of yourself that’s still you. Because everything you are is still the same, but more alive… and if he hasn’t admitted to himself, yet. Holy shit, he is in love and his heart skips eight beats every time you look at him with your pretty eyes that look like you’re convincing him to treat you like a baby every time you do. And for the longest time, he thought love looked like something else… he’s not quite sure what they’re supposed to look like but he definitely did not expect love to look… exactly like you.

જ⁀➴ ˚ ༘ ೀ⋆｡˚

“You’re in love with her, aren’t you?” Beomgyu shrugs as he tosses Heeseung the can of beer as they sit on the rooftop of the apartment building that they sent you and Heeseung in.

“What the fuck are you talking about,” Heeseung shrugged.

“Everyone can see it, idiot,” Beomgyu laughed, hitting the back of his head. “Everyone knows you guys actually fell in love but none of you care enough to admit it.”

“Like it’s even possible to admit that,” Heeseung chuckled bitterly, opening the can before chugging down on the alcohol. “Can you imagine the amount of protest trucks they’re going to send in front of the building if they find out? They’re going to block the streets. Worse case scenario they’re going to send Y/N death threats. I don’t think I have the stomach to instigate that.”

“So you care about her?” Beomgyu pressed.

“You care about Y/N and I don’t question you like this!”

“Because when the topic of protest trucks being sent to the building came when she debuted and everyone was planning on the PR to make sure that our image does not get perceived as a threat to the fans, Y/N and I just laughed it out and called bullshit,” Beomgyu explained. “Even the idea of getting death threats did not faze her. We never cared if people called our friendship something else. But you seem to care more than that, so it’s different.”

Heeseung fell silent. What’s the point of hiding it from Beomgyu anyway? He’s known him and you since before you and Y/N even met. If there’s anyone that will sense it, it’s going to be him.

“I’ve signed more NDAs than brand deals, to be honest,” Beomgyu continued. “I don’t mind signing another if it means you guys are going to stop acting like fools about this. Even the Le Sserafim girls are literally okay with it. It’s possible. You just have to want it.”

“Do you know how far fetched it is to say that I actually had the chance to actually fall in love with Y/N?” Heeseung started. “I literally liked her since the day I laid eyes on her to the point that I used to get so jealous that you get to have that relationship with her and I don’t.”

“It sounds stupid, really,” Beomgyu laughed before taking a sip of his beer. 

“It doesn’t even feel real that I said okay to this fucking show without knowing that she’ll be my wife for 30 days! Are you getting this? It’s like the universe just gave me a chance and I don’t even know how to go about it now! I’m not even sure if she feels the same way!”

“Oh trust me, she does.”

“God. It’s like the world is asking me to give up on everything I ever worked so hard for to be able to actually experience being in love!” He cried. “And it fucking knows that I will but I don’t want to hurt her like that.”

“That sounds to me like you’re the only one here that’s afraid of the hate,” Beomgyu shrugged. “Because knowing Y/N, she would walk in front of those protest trucks and would possibly take a selfie with it if she’s feeling like it. She knows her worth so much that she’d bring coffee for the protesters because it’s hot outside.”

“That woman has loose screws in her head, she turns absolutely unhinged once she’s put her mind into something,” He continued. “I know it’s weird that a girl with eating schedule problems can be that tough, but she is.”

Heeseung lets out a big sigh as he watches Beomgyu stand in front of him. 

“So now, I should ask you,” he trails off. “Are you willing to love my best friend with everything that you have inside you and nothing less? Because if no, you should really just stop being so damn unnecessarily romantic with her when the cameras are not on. That woman is going to love you wholly and nothing else if she decides that she does, and you have to make it clear if you’re going to meet her halfway or not because you’re not going to like what you’re going to hear from me and Yunjin if you lead her on, Heeseung.”

“Why does that sound like a threat?” Heeseung asked to diffuse the tension but Beomgyu, so serious all of sudden, did not back down.

“Because it is a threat, Hee,” he quips before going back to his seat. “You have 5 more days to tell her how you feel before the show ends. When you’re clear on where the both of you stand, tell us. And we’ll take whatever steps we must take.”

—

“Jagiya?” Heeseung called as he stumbled inside of the apartment. “Jagiya?”

You turn to look at Heeseung’s miserable state, leaning against the wall next to the door, shocked that he even managed to get this wasted after he fully refused to drink with you and Beomgyu when you were in your grandparents’ house.

“I thought you only had beer when you went up?” You asked as you scurried over him, immediately helping the poor boy get back up on his feet and into the dining room chair. “Where’s Beomgyu?”

“Manager… picked him up…” He drawled as he rested his head on his hands while his elbows were on the table, smiling stupidly at you as he watched you scramble in the kitchen to get him anything that might help his state. 

“What else did you drink?” You asked as you slid a glass of water in front of him, urging him to drink.

“Beomgyu… that sneaky little bitch… brought… um… that green—”

“Soju?”

“Yes! You’re so smart!” He laughed, clapping his hands happily. You couldn’t help but laugh at his stupid state. How can he even drink this much without thinking of the consequences after?

“Well, finish this already,” you told him, picking up the glass of water to help him drink. 

And just after he’s steady enough to stand up with your help, he bolts to the bathroom and hurls. 

“I’m pretty sure, you’re not going to be drinking a lot more often after this, no?” you asked him as you helped him sit up against the tile wall after he was done. “Come on, let’s clean you up.”

You got up and found a wash cloth that you drenched in warm water from the tap before ringing it. You managed to clean most of his limbs up, but there was some vomit on his shirt that you had to clean up before you let him sleep because that would be awfully disgusting. 

“Can you clean yourself?” you asked, trying to see if he was functional enough to at least change his clothes. 

“I actually like having my wife take care of me like this,” he giggled giddily. “So nice and so caring.”

You shrugged at his drunken state before getting up. 

“Noooo…” He whined, grabbing onto your ankle to keep you from going. “Don’t leave me!”

“I’m just going to get you a new shirt, Heeseung,” you laughed at him, bending down to take his hand off your ankle. “Wait here.”

You went up to his room to retrieve a shirt when you found his phone ringing. A number you recognized to be your grandfather’s. You didn’t want to invade his privacy so instead you took it and allowed it to ring until you were back in the bathroom where Heeseung sat with his long legs straight in front of him, lazily leaning against the tile wall.

“Who is it?”

“Grandpa,” you replied nervously. “Why is he calling you at this time of the day? Shouldn’t he be asleep?”

“I don’t know!” he claims before you answer the phone and put it on a loudspeaker. 

“Heeseung, son?”

“Yes, Grandpa?” he answered politely, trying his best to sound normal. 

“I just realized that I forgot to tell you that I think you are good for Y/N,” your grandpa exhaled. “And wherever your relationship goes after your tv show, I hope you guys stay good friends. You are good for Y/N. And I can also tell that you like her because no one gets that nervous when meeting your friend’s grandparents. I hope you stop denying that.”

“Umm…” Heeseung trailed off, not knowing what to say. He looked up at you to ask for help but you seemed to be in a panic too. 

“Just say thank you!” you mouthed at him in a panic, not wanting to reveal that you have been hearing the conversation all along.

“Thank you, grandpa,” he says, following exactly what you told him to. 

“Well, it’s getting late. I should rest. Please tell Y/N I said good night and good night to you too, Heeseung. Please take care of my granddaughter.”

“Good night, grandpa,” he said before the call was dropped. “Oh my god, I think that just sobered me up!”  he laughed slightly before wincing, making him lean back down on the tile wall to support his head.

“No, it didn’t,” you shrugged at him before kneeling next to him. “Can you take your shirt off, so you can change?”

He carefully tugs on his shirt to pull it off before handing it to you. In exchange, you gave him the fresh shirt that you got from his room. It was surprising that he didn’t fuss about it so you decided to take advantage of his compliant state and went over to the kitchen to grab a chair and put it next to his sink. You weren’t sure if he had anything on his agenda tomorrow, but are you really going to let him out tomorrow looking like a dehydrated piece of vegetable after all he drank with your best friend? Maybe you cared enough about Heeseung to not let him do that to himself.

“What’s that for?”

“Get up, I’m not letting you skip your skincare,” you replied in a duh tone while you helped him get up from the floor to his seat on the chair. “Sit properly.”

“You are crazy,” he laughed, as he patiently does what you tell him. 

“You like me though,” you replied condescendingly.

He chuckled before responding, “I actually do.”

“Tell me that again when you’re sober, alright?” you tell him before squirting some of his cleanser on your hands and lathering it on his face. 

“Come here,” he chuckled smugly as he gently placed both his hands on either of your sides to pull you closer to him, making you sit on his lap. “You heard it from your grandpa, jagiya.”

“But you’re only admitting it now that you’re off your face,” you replied to him patiently, as you kept on rubbing the cleanser over his face. “If you really mean it, you won’t have a problem saying it again when you’re not intoxicated.”

You continued doing his skincare sitting on his lap in silence.

“I don’t want you to think that I’m only doing this because I’m drunk because I am willing to tell you the same thing over and over again tomorrow when I’m not in this state.” He tells you. “Saying that I like you is an understatement because doing this show with you really just intensified what I already had for you years ago. I can’t explain to anyone enough how I almost passed out when I found out that it was going to be you to do this show with me.”

“You can ask Jay and everyone else. Because they knew—well, they sensed it because I couldn’t get myself to admit it for the longest time. But right now? I don’t think that I can let you go anymore now that I’ve got to experience all these with you.” Heeseung added. 

“Oh, sweetheart,” he sighed, bringing a hand over to your face to wipe the tears that you didn’t know had already escaped your eye. “I’m so in love with you and it sucks that they put people in situations like this to fall in love and separate them after—but I’m going to work hard to turn this to our favor once it’s over, okay?”

“Please keep your word, Hee,” you mumbled quietly. “I need you to keep your word because I don’t mind doing the same.”

જ⁀➴ ˚ ༘ ೀ⋆｡˚

You were up bright and early the next morning to get Heeseung a hangover drink and some soup because it wouldn’t be logical to buy any more stocks when you’ll be moving out less than 5 days from now. The camera crew will be there in a few hours so you really had to wake Heeseung up as soon as you get home or he’ll run late for filming if he doesn’t

“You didn’t have to do this, Y/N.” He mumbled as soon as he was down on the table enjoying his soup.

You don’t know why it did, but it stung to hear him call you by your name after confessing last night and getting you used to being called jagiya. You shouldn’t have let yourself fall for it, he was off his face after all. Why did you even consider believing it in the first place?

“I had to,” you mumbled quietly. “You looked helpless last night. It’s actually surprising you still woke up this early.”

“Y/N?”

“What?” You lamented. Hearing it the first time was stung, for the second time? You wanted to cry in humiliation for assuming that he meant what he said. God it felt like the same way Minji broke it to you that she was moving to Ador after promising you that she’ll always stick around—and you couldn’t blame her. You couldn’t blame anyone because at the end of the day you both had dreams and you can’t demand anyone to stay for your comfort. Not in that competitive environment. 

“Why are you so quiet?” he asked. “I’m sorry for the bother last night.”

“I wish you weren’t sorry about it though,” you replied honestly. “That makes me feel like everything you said was a mistake.”

“Oh!” He almost spins after you jog his memory. “Jagiya, I meant everything I said!”

“Then why are you calling me by my name all of a sudden? God, if this is a joke to you, Heeseung, I might as well walk away right now, because I can’t let you do that to me,” you rambled. 

“Okay, let’s calm down first,” Heeseung sighs heavily.

“Don’t sigh like that!” you snapped at him, making him break into a soft chuckle.

“I was waiting until you’re done with your coffee before I tell you,” he laughed softly, before walking over to your side of the table. “You’re a little snappy before your coffee. So I was waiting for you to finish that first and then I will tell you how you are the most beautiful person in the world and I am so in love with you, I’ll fight Bang PD-nim even for a slight chance to hold your hand on camera after this show is over.”

You couldn’t help but cry even more after you realized that you have overreacted over the situation. 

“I hate you,” you sobbed as Heeseung tried to contain his laughter out of awe as he wrapped his arms around you.

“And I am so in love with you for it,” he continued laughing.

–

“What’s on the agenda today?” you asked the production manager as they set up the cameras inside of your home. 

“Well,” the production manager smiled at you, “We have a surprise for the both of you today.”

“Oh?” Heeseung quips, head peeking through the bathroom door while he was brushing his teeth. 

“We have your members with us today,” they tell you before the door bursts open and your groups’ members enter the home one by one, crowding your living room faster than you’ve ever seen before.

“Hi!” You jumped happily, throwing yourself over to Yunjin when she entered the room, wrapping your legs around her as you happily squealed.

“Well, they’re reunited,” Jay laughed as the camera panned over to you and Yunjin, still screaming happily. 

“What? What’s on the schedule today?”

“Well, you will have a virtual marriage ceremony in Everland,” they announced. “When you were in the cafe when you guys first met, we asked you to draw your dream fairytale wedding. We were quite impressed with the design that Y/N made that we started questioning if we could do it. But we managed! So, we're all going to the Hybe building today, get everyone ready and we'll be on our way for the big event.”

You couldn't contain your excitement as they handed you an iPad with a picture of a fully realized version of your dress sketch from that day that they asked you to. You didn't think too much of it back then and really just drew your fantasy, you didn't expect that they'd actually use that in real life. 

–

Soon enough the parade was in full swing, people were starting to gather around as soon as they noticed who was sitting on the huge carousel float and the convertible cars behind. Your members were dressed as princesses too, Heeseung's were dressed as knights.

People were squealing as they watched you and Heeseung interact with the kids in the crowd. You were dancing and playing with the bubble machines they gave you early on. 

To be frank, it made you feel like a kid again. You didn't get to experience a lot of it when you were a kid because you were always busy with dancing and even when you became an adult, you still barely had time to go. You couldn't believe that you were there on the carriage, being looked up to by the babies and kids that were probably there for the first time. You hoped that they were getting the fun that they were meant to experience being in a theme park. 

“Y/N!” The crowd cheered your name as you turned to them and gave them a little dance. 

Heeseung watched you fondly from the side. He couldn't help but notice how natural your presence were, especially around kids. You looked so happy, your smile was brighter than he's ever seen. 

“Lee Heeseung! Is she beautiful?” A kid yelled from his direction, making you look over the kid and then to your partner. You thought he'd deflect it, anything he would say or do right now will be held against him by his begrudging fans. You would understand if he did. 

But instead Heeseung crossed his arms at the kid and asked him back, “Have you seen a woman more beautiful than her?”

You couldn't stop yourself from blushing, even attempting to hide your face in one of the posts, making the crowd laugh at your cute reaction. 

“Aigoo,” he cooed, walking over you and hugging you from behind, once again making the crowd roar as he laughed at how shy you were getting. 

Just then, the float started moving again. By then you were too shy to even move from your position, leaving Heeseung with no choice but to take your hands off the post and use it to do a little cute dance infront of everyone. 

You were laughing uncontrollably, you face was crimson through the make up on your face and you were sure your face would be all over the internet when you go home later but you couldn’t seem to be worried about that right now. All your mind was on trying to stabilize yourself in front of the people once again.

“Are you okay now?” he asked, fixing a stray hair that slipped out of your perfectly pinned hair. “You're not very red anymore.” He points it out, carefully dabbing a paper towel that the staff handed him moments ago on your forehead while chuckling lightly. 

“You're saying it like it wasn't your fault,” you rolled your eyes at him playfully, softly hitting his shoulder. 

“Come dance with me,” he grinned, reaching for both of your hands and interlocking them behind his neck before placing his on your waist. The both of you pranced around the lively music as the float moved to it's next spot. 

Asking you to dance was Heeseung's way of concealing the fact that he was about to drop dead out of nervousness for what he's about to do. In the briefing a while ago, while they were getting ready to go to Everland, he was asked if he wanted to do something special, considering that the two of you only have less than a week before the filming of the show is over. After being egged on by his members to do a cute proposal, he agreed that it would be cute and would make the experience more special for you. 

“You're having so much fun, no?” he asked, as he spun you around, your dress flowing around you. You can hear the faint coos of your members from the next car, even laughs from Heeseung's teammates. 

“So much,” you replied as you attempted to do the same thing for him but the height difference made it much more difficult for him, bending his back more than he would usually do. 

He laughed at himself before grabbing you by the waist and spinning you around. 

Soon enough the float stops again and you notice everything starts to slow down a bit from what it used to. You looked around curiously, trying to figure out what was going on with the sudden change of tempo, but instead you find Heeseung down on one knee with a silver ring presented before you, before he proudly shouts out, just so everyone can hear it, “Y/L/N Y/N, will you marry me?”

The crowd roars all so suddenly after Heeseung says it, making you jump a bit from how loud it was. You could even hear Sunoo, Kazuha and Eunchae screaming a few feet away. You looked around, once again, and it was a fairytale. You don’t even know why no one has climbed up your float and grabbed you by the neck after seeing this unfold. The girls were out of the car now, they were happily jumping while Heeseung’s younger members cheered as loud as they could, even chanting some ship name you’ve only heard for the first time. 

Looking back at Heeseung, his eyes never looked so clear and so happy before. His smile made his face so insanely handsome, you began questioning if it was possible to fall in love with the same face twice and feel just as gobsmacked with how beautiful he was made. 

“Yes,” you laughed, awkwardly going down on your knees too. You don’t even know why you did but it felt right to just be there, on the same eye level with him. He laughed at your actions as he slipped the ring on your finger, next to your grandmother’s ring that you still kept to where he moved it. 

“Kiss her!” a kid yelled from the crowd, following an uproar of requests to do so. Of course it was not going to happen, but Heeseung did manage to sneak a soft kiss on the side of your head as the both of you posed for the people taking photos. 

You don’t even know how you’re going to recover from this. You were smiling and dancing all throughout the rest of the parade, but deep inside, you were hoping that Heeseung stays true to his word because there is no way that you were going to be able to live normally after this. There was no way that after filming this show, you would be able to show up in the same music shows acting like this man never made you question your capabilities for love. 

You were in too deep, you don’t even know how you’ll manage to ever be the same after this. And it wasn’t like you. You were resilient. You knew how to withstand the adversities that came in your life.

But what if it’s not so much of an adversity? What if it was love? How were you ever going to endure that?

After all of you were worn down by excitement and thrill from hopping from one ride to another in the park, you were later informed to rest early after the group dinner, as you will be back in the studio to record your special performance song for the music show that will be aired once the variety show airs. The song would be yet to be decided but you were pretty sure it would be heavily discussed over dinner. So you just decided to go with what everyone thinks would sell the most.

You weren’t quite sure how to feel by then. You were tired and your thoughts plagued you over and over whenever you had your silent moments. You couldn’t believe it. In 4 more days, you will be separated from Heeseung. 

“Are you okay?” Heeseung asked, as he reached for your hand. “You’re very quiet.”

“Just tired,” you replied shortly. “I’m okay.”

Heeseung didn’t buy your excuse, but he held onto your hand still, hoping that it would give you some sense of comfort to whatever might be bothering you. You had a long day and tomorrow and the following days would be as well considering that they are now asking you to record and perform a song for the last episode, which he hasn’t even experienced, but is already breaking him inside to think about. 

He doesn’t even want to think about what song he would perform, in high hopes that he could avoid it that way despite knowing the inevitability of it. But what’s wrong with a little blind hope, no?

જ⁀➴ ˚ ༘ ೀ⋆｡˚

You sat there inside of the studio as you watched Heeseung record his part of the song, Accidentally In Love.

It didn't feel real that you and Heeseung have to get this all done in a matter of 3 days. It only feels like yesterday when your girls were only convincing you to do this—now, you're four days away from parting ways. And you managed to fall in love with someone you barely knew for less than a month, and him likewise. 

Do it for the plot they said. 

No matter where this road may take you and Heeseung, things will never be the same for you. You can never tell how it will be for him—but for you? A piece of you will never recover from this. A piece of you will always remember the shape of his body next to you or the way his perfume smells or the way the palm of his hands molds perfectly into yours. Nothing can make you not remember those things now. And if it doesn't end well… then you guess the only comfort left is that you'll see him around. You can pretend that things are okay—and that it's all a performance because that's what you do, you perform.

It's one sick and twisted performance. But at least… you got to experience it, no?

“Jagiya, it's your turn!” Heeseung happily exits the booth and reaches for the notebook in front of you where you had taken notes from your vocal coach earlier. 

He was actually surprised how detailed your notes were. At this age, he wouldn't think someone would still be this serious about taking coaching, especially since you've been a trainee and an idol for years now. Somehow, even though it wasn't a question before, it made sense that you were your company's golden child—you were dedicated to your craft and was always open to improving anything, and you always come through with the best results. Years ago, Heeseung thought it was not worth his dreams to pursue any girl. But you're Y/N. You are way out of his league. And you are in love with him. It would be blasphemous to not take the risk for his dream girl. He doesn't have it in him to waste that.

“You two are really comfortable,” your coach chuckled at the both of you. “Young love.”

You and Heeseung looked at each other, shocked at what your coach just said. The woman laughed payfully at your surprised faces, “It would take a person to be braindead to not notice how in love the both of you are. I can hear it, even if you don’t say it directly. I can see it, just by the mere look in your young faces. And the air got disgustingly sweet the moment you two stepped in this studio.”

You glanced at the camera, but the man behind shook his head to tell you that he wasn’t recording. You don’t wish to ruin your career, as much as you love Heeseung but you were going to take the risk and believe the cameraman that he wasn’t recording when you said it, “You think so?”

“My husband looked at me like that when we were younger,” she smiled, grabbing her phone from the soundboard and unlocking her phone to show you her screensaver. It was a photo of her and her husband, with their two sons. One was a little over three years old and the other looked like he was just a year old. “Now he’s taught our boys to look at me the same way. It pays to marry men who truly make you happy and would do anything to keep you that way.”

Heeseung wondered if he did that to you—if he made you happy. Because he wants to do that. He wants to be the person that you’ll think of wanting to come home to or at least for where they are right now, someone you’ll be excited to call after a busy day. He wants to be the person that you’ll want to reach for when things get heavy or if you want to celebrate even the tiniest things. He wants to be your person. He wants to be present for you.

“I must be lucky then,” you joked. Half-meant though. 

“Only one of the very few who are,” she chuckled, reaching for your arm to give you a little squeeze. “If they tell you to enjoy your youth first, tell them it’s even more enjoyable to do it together. Don’t let them get to you, okay?”

–

“Tired?” Heeseung asked as soon as you rest your head on his shoulder only seconds after he’s settled next to you inside the car. 

“Yeah,” you respond quietly, trying to get a few minutes of rest before you are home. “We had to polish the choreography for the comeback next week after our rehearsals. The steps were pretty fast and detailed.”

“I know you’ll do great next week.”

“We’re not going home to the same place, next week,” you mumbled sadly. 

“I’ll watch you still,” he reassures, placing a soft kiss on the top of your head. “I will always watch you and think you’re doing great.”

–

“The two of you are going to be allowed to start packing up your things tonight,” they told you as you tried to hold your breath to keep yourself from breaking down. 

You were exhausted. After your performance in MBC’s music show, you had to follow through your original schedule with your group to rehearse for your comeback show which was draining with the amount of criticism you had to receive from how distracted you seemed the entire time. 

Judging from how quiet Heeseung was being, you knew he had a long day too and you didn’t want to add up to it by telling him and allowing it to weigh him down even more. 

“I need to talk to you, Y/N, before you go,” your manager called before you could stand up and gather your things from the green room. 

You nodded and followed her outside to the other makeup room so that you may be able to speak in private.

“Are you and Lee Heeseung together?” she asked sternly as soon as you shut the door after you.

You looked at her in shock, wondering if you were too obvious about it or if she could read your mind. 

“What do you mean?”

“I need you to not play dumb with me, Y/N.” She tells you, the atmosphere getting thicker around the both of you, making your heart pound against your chest. 

“I don’t know…”

The older woman seemed to notice the fear in your energy, making her regret the harsh tone she used on you almost immediately. The woman softened as soon as she noticed your eyes glossing as you looked at her.

“Y/N,” she sighed. “I need to know it if you want me to help you.”

You let out a deep breath that you didn’t notice you were holding. Along with it, came with the rest of your tears as you slid down on the floor, crying. 

You don’t even know why you started to cry. Was it a relief? Was it because you knew this was going to bring trouble to your group? What is because you could put Heeseung’s career in jeopardy? God, a few days ago you were so sure that you were going to power through this with Heeseung? Yesterday, you were so sure that you could do this—but now? You don’t know where it all went. You don’t know how to feel.

It was the first time you felt as such. It was the first time that you had to admit that you were not sure how to go about something that you wanted so badly because this time, it wasn’t just you. It’s Heeseung’s career and his life that’s on the line too. And you don’t know if you can do that to him.

“Y/N,” your manager called softly, helping you up and ushering you to sit on one of the chairs. “Are you and Heeseung together? I’m not going to be mad at you or him. I just need to know. I want you to be happy.”

“I don’t know what we are,” you confessed. “We’ve only established liking each other, but other than that, I don’t even know where we stand.”

“Thank you for telling me, darling,” she tells you while squeezing your hand to calm you down. “After this, I’m going to sit you and the girls down on how to go about this behind the media, okay?”

She helped you look less miserable when you went out by giving you your baseball cap and a facemask before exiting the building to get to your ride home. 

“Please eat dinner and pack your things, okay?” she reminds you one last time before closing the door after you. 

—

“Hee,” you called Heeseung as soon as you saw him exit the bathroom, freshly showered.

“Yes?”

“Watch this with me,” you tell him, reaching for him to pull him faster next to the empty seat next to you. 

“What movie is it?”

“Serendipity,” you replied. “It’s my parents’ favorite movie.”

“Serendipity,” He sounded it out like a kid learning a new word for the first time. “What does it mean?”

“It’s destiny’s big fat joke to humankind,” you replied. “It’s when it gives you something really good you refuse to believe it’s real or you deserve it. But no matter how far the chances will take you, it will always find you.”

“I hope that’s what we’re experiencing right now,” he tells you before scooching closer to where you sat. 

“What if it’s not?”

“It wouldn’t change anything.” He smiles softly at you, face inching closer to yours. “Having to experience being this close to you, someone that I liked for years now—it’s something I would never get tired of bragging about to my members. And if it is and life goes well for the both of us, I’ll tell the story of the luckiest man alive whose chance presented itself in front of him to be in love with the most beautiful woman in the world. I’ll tell it as a bedtime story to our kids.”

“I don’t want this to end, Hee,” you hummed quietly. “I don’t want to lose you.”

“You’re not losing me,” he smiles at you as he rests his forehead against yours. “Or I’m going to lose my mind.”

Tears began falling from your eyes again before you could even stop yourself. You’ve already cried so many times today, you don’t even know where it’s coming from at this point. You thought by now, you’ve already cried every tear you had in your system but it doesn’t stop coming. 

This time, Heesueng couldn’t help but feel his heart clench at the sight of you being so anxious and broken over the thought of the both of them having to separate. He’s been having a hard time trying to brush it off because he didn’t want to show you how much it affected him out of fear that it would bear more weight on you. Jungwon has been trying to listen to him these past few nights, trying to comfort him that everything will eventually fall into place—Yeonjun and Yunjin made it work. He believes that you and him could work just as well. 

“What can I do to help you, jagiya?” he asked, running his knuckle softly across your face to wipe down the tears that stained your cheeks already. 

“Kiss me.”

You don’t know why you said it. You don’t even know what made you say it, but it felt right to ask him that. Somehow, you felt like being that close to him would make you feel comfortable. 

And Heeseung did not hesitate. The kiss was hot and heavy… and wet and sloppy. Your stomach began to tingle a bit, then even with the both of you sitting down, your knees felt like wobbling jelly. His open mouth, moving against yours made you weak. You were melting at the hot touch of the palm of his hands snaking its way from your cheek to the back of your head to pull you closer to him as if it was still humanly possible. It’s like you were floating and you don’t know when you started to feel weightless because moments ago, you felt like the weight of the world was weighing down on you. So weightless, you didn’t even notice Heeseung moved you to sit on his lap already.

“I’m so in love with you, jagiya,” he says, as soon as you pull away to breathe. “I’m so in love with you I can’t even explain how it feels to hold back.”

“Then don’t hold back,” you replied, pushing his chin up with your index finger to make him look up at you. “I don’t want you to hold back, Hee. Even just for tonight.”

“Jagiya,” he breathes heavily, physically restraining himself from bringing it any further but also failing as he chases your lips every time he feels like you are moving away. “You know it’s not that easy.”

“Please,” You pleaded, hands moving to reach for his hand before guiding it under your shirt and over the soft mound on your chest. He looked surprised at first that you weren’t wearing a bra underneath. God, he couldn’t help but feel himself get hard underneath you—he was almost embarrassed but you seemed to not mind, pressing yourself harder on him. 

“Are you sure you want this, jagi?” he asks one more time.

You nod.

“I need to hear you say it, jagi,” he tells you, his free hand moving to your face to move the stray hair on your face. “Say it to me, please?”

“Ruin me,” you tell him firmly, as you rest your forehead against him. “For everyone. I want you to make sure I’ll never be able to love anyone else but you.”

Something snapped inside of Heeseung. He cannot believe he’s hearing all these right now but he’s not complaining. He doesn’t have it in him—he’s just a man. Someone craving for closeness with someone he never thought he’d even come close with. 

He doesn’t know if it’s the right thing to do right now, but it didn’t bother him one bit. You could be gone tomorrow and he’ll never get the chance to be this close to anyone. You could be just a mere memory to him before he notices it—would it be so bad to keep you this sweet in his memory? 

“I love you, Y/N.” He says before pressing a passionate kiss on yours once again. 

For once, you let yourself go. You let the feeling consume you—the lust and love. You let it hug you like it never has before. 

And if this is destiny’s sense of humor playing its trick on you. The joke is on them. Because you were not known to give up. You never wanted someone as much as you wanted Heeseung and you were going to have him—even if it meant looking at sasaengs dead in the eye while they wished for your untimely death.

—

a/n: 

I got carried away???? Omg???? It literally started when I saw a tiktok abt We Got Married when Joy and Sungjae were there and watched it and got inspired and the next thing I knew I was pushing to 40 pages into my google docs file 😃 Anyway!!! I have been very absent recently… due to a lot of causes (lol i got into another situationship and it didn’t end well again and i took it to heart even if it was my fault—also i’m in my last year of college I'm literally 😃😃 even finding time to rest is hard)

Anyway~ I hope you guys liked this one!!! Tell what you think here and if you want me to make blurbs from this fic in the future. 

Thank you for making it this far in the story hehe

xo, anya ୨୧

[rqbossman]

Hey Alex this is random but have you watched good omens

Yes. Read the book years ago then have watched the series with interest. Truth be told I think the TV series actually has a more satisfying narrative arc. Season 2 was especially enjoyable, which is damn hard by the way, getting second season at all is an achievement, making one that actually is arguably better than the first is nigh on impossible. Kudos to the team working on it! Sidebar: I have been told there is a super obscure Magnus Easter Egg in there somewhere in the visual design but I didn't catch it while watching.

[haveihitanerve]

I request Bruce chasing his children down to put on scarves and gloves in the cold ass winter of New Jersey because despite being some of the strongest people (martial arts wise) on earth, they refuse to believe in cold temperatures and keep getting sick.

refuse to believe in cold temperatures is my new favorite sentence

anyway your wish is my command-

Kevin did not know what he was expecting to see on a Friday night at three am, but it was certainly not Nightwing and the fucking Red Hood running as fast as their legs could possibly carry them as the Batman chased after them, holding scarves and gloves in his hands.

He reached them just before they could round the corner and Kevin watched in amazement as Batman forced the gloves onto the two grown men who squirmed like five year olds.

"Don't-! wanna!" Red Hood screamed petulantly, trying very hard to escape the Bats grasp. "Your brother already has a cold!" Batman snarled back, winding a scarf around his head like he was trying to choke him.

"He doesn't have a spleen!" Nightwing argued, attempting to pull off the gloves that seemed to have some sort of suctioning power and would not budge. "They come off when its not cold. So finish patrol with them." Batman offered them both a sweet smile before grappling away before they could hit him with snowballs.

It was, probably, most arguably, the craziest shit he'd ever seen, and he lived in Gotham and got robbed by dudes wearing purple and green and asked questions before ordering their coffee.

And then it happened again. This time he was staying with his brother on the other side of town, when Orphan and Spoiler showed up. Neither seemed to be particularly cold, but Kevin remembered vividly how he and his siblings used to pretend "no its not cold!" to their mother because they had made such a fuss before but it really super was cold.

And then Batman showed up. Orphan melted into the shadows and Spoiler made eye contact with Kevin, flying across the street in an instant and pushing past him inside the apartment. His brother, wide eyed on the couch, looked between them.

"I'm not here." Spoiler hissed, forming an X with her arms. "I'm not here!" She ducked behind the couch just as Batman landed on the balcony and Kevin, he was raised in Gotham man, but he still flinched.

"Sorry," Batman grumbled, voice rough and low and also a little pouty. "I know she's inside. This won't take long." He stepped off the railing onto the balcony, but Kevin, telling his fear and survival instinct to fuck off, stepped in his way.

"She's uh- she? There's no she in our building sir. Believe me, we've tried." He swallowed, looking up into those endless white slits. The slits narrowed, and he turned to look inside. Brad was pale, but his brother, bless his heart, lifted his beer in a salute at the bat, before turning back to face the TV.

Batman looked about two seconds away from not being apologetic and screaming, but he finally gave a nod to Kevin and hopped off the balcony. Kevin didn't even bother to watch him hit the ground, because he knew he wouldn't, and cracked open the door instead.

"He's gone-" Spoiler poked her head over the couch hissing, "NO!" but it was too late. Batman appeared, one hand flinging him back up onto the balcony, and he was past Kevin before he even had a chance to scream, tackling Spoiler to the ground.

"I! Don't! Need it!!!" She screamed, struggling against him as he pinned her down, panting, legs trapping her lower body as his hands snagged her hands. "It's... for- your.. own good!" He grunted, pinning her hands down with one finally.

And as Kevin watched her buck, fruitlessly, and watched Batman slide gloves onto her hands and wrap a scarf around her neck, not effortlessly, he realized just how much of a threat Batman truly was. Sure, he had seen the Bats in action, and everyone knew the Bats were trained and raised by Batman, but he had never actually seen Batman work.

Old friends, goons, told him how he skilled, how efficient, how brutal he could be. But Kevin had laughed it off as propaganda, as some more bolstering of the Bats ego's. But now...

Batman's work wasn't effortless. Spoiler was fighting him every step of the way. But he wasn't struggling either, moving quickly, but also carefully, his hips pressing down enough to keep her still but not enough to hurt, hands pinning hers down but not enough to bruise....

Kevin knew Batman didn't kill. But he had never considered the amount of strength, precision, capability, it required. Not killing over killing had always seemed, to him, to be the easier thing. Not anymore.

Batman finished his work, standing and lifting Spoiler in one swift movement, and hauled her over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes. She had stopped struggling at this point, and Kevin was fairly certain she was just hitting him because she could. Because she wanted to. The look on Batman's face revealed he was aware of it too.

"Thank you for protecting her." He growled, voice low but not hard. At that, Spoiler finally stilled. Kevin blinked in surprise. That was not what he had been expecting. He didn't know what, exactly, he had been, but a thank you was nowhere on his bingo card.

"N-no problem." Brad stuttered out when it was clear Kevin couldn't answer. Batman nodded to the both and left, setting Spoiler down on the balcony next to him, and wrapped his cape around her shoulders, murmuring something in her ear. She laughed, then stuck her tongue out at him, but Kevin noted how she leaned closer, wrapped herself in the warmth he provided.

Orphan materialized at their side and Batman tugged her to his side too, muttering something that sounded like admitting defeat, and Spoiler fist pumped, high fiving her. Orphan grinned and Batman rolled his eyes, wrapping his arms around both of their shoulders and jumping. This time, Kevin watched until they disappeared.

[aclockworkreader]

all my arcane thoughts because i’m feeling entirely normal about this show:

the storytelling!! the foreshadowing!! the parallels!! the pure artistry!! arcane is a masterpiece!!

it has everything: trauma, found family, the corruption of power, complex sibling dynamics, queer relationships (sapphic rep!!), more trauma, social and political commentary, beautiful animation, and even more trauma!! it reminds me so much of so many of my favorite animated shows (avatar: the last airbender, she-ra, fullmetal alchemist: brotherhood) all mixed into one.

the animation was actually something that originally kept me from watching the show because i’m not a big fan of most 3d animation. but my GOD was it beautiful!!! the way they were able to mix art styles and switch between 3d and 2d worked so well! it was incredibly creative and artistic and i’ve never seen anything like it. the fight sequences were STUNNING and easily some of the best moments in the show. every frame was truly a work of art, i’m obsessed.

from the characters to the plot, every element of this show is so well written, it’s restored my faith in modern tv writing.

would absolutely recommend if you’re prepared to have your heart torn from your chest 💔

spoilers below with all my in depth thoughts

okay please bear with me, my brain is all over the place:

- JINX!! MY PRECIOUS JINX!! YOU DESERVED SO MUCH MORE!!! 😭😭 oh i knew it was coming and yet i still cried so much!!! she’s easily my favorite character. i support her in all her rights and wrongs (of which there are none actually, she had every right to do everything she did). all that’s keeping me sane is knowing she’s alive and well in another timeline 🥲 with ekko 🥲 dancing freely and engineering to her hearts content

- i also loved vi so so much. the prideful eldest sibling overwhelmed by the responsibility she feels to her family….yeah that hit hard. these sisters, doomed by the narrative, have DESTROYED me. all the parallels of their relationship throughout the show, down to vi grabbing jinx before she falls in the first vs last episode!! it’s all too much, i’ll never recover 😭

- my biggest complaint is that we didn’t get to explore vi’s grief after losing jinx. i know they jumped forward in time, so it seemed like she just kinda moved on and we didn’t get to see the aftermath of arguably the most traumatic thing she’s ever experienced?? watching her sister die and her father die (again) would have changed her forever so it felt a bit rushed to just….gloss over that.

- and i’m so sorry to the caitlyn stans but…..she’s not my favorite 😬 i don’t even dislike vi/cait as a ship, i just feel like caitlyn as a character is the least developed out of everyone on the show. and also her dictator arc was…something. i feel like we moved on from it so quickly that we didn’t have time to fully explore and address everything there.

- my other favorite character (second only to jinx) is ekko!! a true hero!! every fight scene he’s in is my favorite fight scene—he’s just SO GOOD 🤍 and what he does for jinx??? yeah, that was pure love

- the jinx/vi/isha/vander dynamic was easily my favorite part of the whole show. them as a family hurt me and healed me and UGH i cried so much 😭 isha and jinx too my GOD their whole relationship was so beautiful and jinx getting to be the older sister she never had 😭 i’m still crying over it!

- and sevika???? LOVE her. imagine being that right all the time….she has to be a capricorn.

- also mel!! she took some time to grow on me but i especially loved her arc in season 2! her as a mage is iconic and i wish we could have seen her use her magic more!

- oh and silco?? the most unexpected favorite. i didn’t expect to side with him so often, but that’s what makes him such a great villain. and the tears i shed when he told jinx “i never would have given you to them. not for anything”??? oh i SOBBED

- while i did love the jayce/viktor relationship by the end, i just find jayce to be so….boring, i’m sorry!! maybe upon rewatch i’ll feel more attached to him but (especially compared to nearly every other character) he’s so uninteresting. but the show needed some normie representation, so i’ll let him be.

- but viktor though!! yeah he was an incredible character. i called the plot twist of him being the mage who helped jayce pretty early on, so that wasn’t a surprise. but i did not expect him to have a full on jesus arc?? that was wilddd and i feel like i need more watches to fully process it all.

those are most of my thoughts for now. i’m just in awe of how wonderful this show is and surprised by how much i enjoyed it. i definitely need more time and more rewatches to say for certain if it’s an all time favorite, but it’s definitely up there 💙🩷

[mushgloomz]

Modern Love

dbf!Joel Miller x f!Reader

• A/N: you asked and i shall provide. presenting my new magnum opus, dbf!Joel x reader slow burn realness - i want this shit to last, so it will be a series (apologies if you were hoping for a one-off, i can't bring myself to do it). also probs good to mention that this is a shameless self-insert fic bc us british girlies need some JM love okay? title and chapters inspired by 80s songs bc i'm insatiable.

• Warnings: no outbreak au, language, alcohol consumption, pet names, reader is afab, british and has hair - no other physical descriptions (and the british thing is only mentioned in passing dw).

• Word Count: approx 2.5k

1: Let’s Hear It for the Boy

You pottered around the kitchen, the countertops left messy in your wake; you weren’t a baker by any stretch of the imagination, but you’d tasked yourself off with making a birthday cake. If it came out edible, you’d gladly consider it a successful endeavor.

It wasn’t your birthday, nor your father’s - ever since your parents’ divorce and your father’s subsequent mid-life crisis move to the States, you’d lived with your dad in Austin, Texas. Both of you had been there for the best part of six years. You’d visit your mother back in the UK periodically, usually over the summer, and return just in time for the neighbourhood’s favourite celebration: Joel Miller’s birthday BBQ.

Joel and your father had become fast friends; meeting at a trader’s warehouse by chance, and bonding over their appreciation for a cold one in front of the TV. Both men were reserved by nature and were single fathers to their kids - that being yourself and Sarah, Joel’s daughter.

You ducked your head, peeking into the oven to check on the progress of your passion project. Nothing looked burnt as far as you could see and, much to your surprise, a pleasant smell was emanating from the cake tins and wafting around the kitchen.

When your father had asked why you were so insistent on making a cake for his best friend, you fell short of an answer. The reality was that, since you’d known him, Joel had been at the centre of near enough every fantasy you’d had. He was hot, funny, and surprisingly kind given his reputation for being a bit of a grouch.

You’d almost developed a sort of secondary friendship with Joel, branching off from that of him and your father. He’d ask for you to ‘babysit’ Sarah for him, even though she was sixteen and arguably more capable at taking care of herself than you were. A fledgling friendship grew between her and yourself each time you visited; letting her talk about the drama at her highschool.

Another ten minutes passed before you finally conceded and opened the oven door, a waft of steam hitting your face as you did so. From what you could see and smell, the labour of love had been successful. You pulled the tins from the rack, and set them on the side to cool. You’d deal with them later - now, it was time for you to get yourself sorted.

You hopped into the shower, rinsing batter from the ends of your hair, scrubbing at every inch of your body. Despite the painfully obvious fact that Joel Miller was not the kind of man to date someone half his age, you preened and polished yourself until you were silky smooth and quite literally glowing - you opted to live in hope, after all.

After your shower you traipsed into your room, slumping onto your bed, still wrapped in a towel. You scrolled through your phone aimlessly, reading through messages that you'd been sent whilst you'd been distracted by your newfound baking talent.

tell the DILF I say happy birthday ;)

The message from your best friend back in the UK elicited a small laugh. There was something pleasantly nostalgic about tittering over someone entirely unattainable; it reminded you of being back at school, taking it in turns to gush over whatever boyband member took your fancy at the time.

Enjoy the party today, don't make a tit of yourself xx

Your mother knew you all too well. In all fairness, she had dealt with the consequences of your drunken teenage years most of the time, so it made sense. You scrolled through a few more generic messages; the work group-chat, a discount code from some mailing list, and...

Excited to see you kid :)

Oh. Oh. A smile tugged at the corners of your lips. Joel was excited to see you. He probably sent the same message to several other people, but you relished in the attention nonetheless. If anything, it spurred you on to finally get dressed and get back to the cake downstairs.

You slipped on a summer dress; it was light and airy, perfect for the brutally hot weather. It was ankle length, a soft pink and white paisley-style print over the soft cotton, and a split to the thigh over the right leg. It hugged where it needed to, and honestly? You looked fucking fantastic.

Trotting down the stairs and back into the kitchen, you groaned under your breath. The mess that you'd made whilst baking was worse when you saw it with fresh eyes. The cakes were cooled now on the wire rack that you had left them on; your dad would just have to dodge the splodges of batter and eggshell scattered across the countertops.

After a futile attempt at decorating, you gazed down at the cake. How you'd managed to cock up the icing this much was beyond you, but it would have to do. Your dad was waiting impatiently by the front door, grumbling under his breath, a six pack of beers and a card tucked under his arm. You grabbed the cake, wrapped it in tinfoil, and headed out, balancing it on a platter as you and your father made the short walk to the Miller household.

It was only a few minutes before you'd arrived, stepping up onto the porch behind your father, allowing him to knock whilst your hands were full. A moment passed, and then the door opened. A wide grin and sparkling brown eyes revealed themselves; a charcoal grey t-shirt clung to tan arms. It took all of your self-restraint to not gawp every time you saw Joel - he just got better and better.

Joel clapped a hand on your father's shoulder, mumbling something and essentially shoving him through the threshold of the door. Then his eyes turned to yours, glancing quickly down at the tinfoil wrapped cake in your hands, before speaking with a chuckle.

"Run outta wrapping paper, huh kid?"

You felt your cheeks warm. "Bold of you to assume this is for you, huh Joel?", you quipped teasingly. Much to your delight, your retort elicited another gravelly chuckle from the man. He leant against the doorframe, and you raised an eyebrow, trying not to stare at his bicep. "Well, are you gonna invite me in?", you questioned with a smirk. Joel stood upright, shrugging playfully as he did so.

"'Spose I'd better. Go on, get your ass inside kid."

The giggle that escaped your mouth was entirely involuntary as you ducked under Joel's arm and into the house. A fair few people were milling around indoors, but a majority of the guests were situated in the backyard. You made your way through the back door after perching the cake on the kitchen table.

A few people turned and gave polite waves when you stepped outside, others started their beeline toward you to exchange mundane pleasantries - ‘you’re looking very well!’, and ‘how’s that job of yours?’, and the dreaded ‘have you found a nice boy yet?’. You rinsed and repeated your answers for each person, smiling politely.

Sarah was sat on the grass with a friend; your father was swigging from a bottle of beer and laughing animatedly amongst a group of middle-aged men. Your heart nearly leapt of your chest when someone tapped you on the shoulder, causing you to spin around quickly, eyes wide. Tommy Miller, Joel’s younger brother, stood with a smug grin plastered over his face.

“Well ain’t this a surprise? Don’t think I’ve ever seen you without a drink in your hand at these get-togethers.”

You scoffed, feigning offence at the all too real accusation. “Big talk for a man that isn’t offering to get me a drink”, you retorted, smirking. Tommy threw his hands up, palms toward you in mock defense, laughing.

“Whoa now! I’m a fine southern gentleman, ‘course I’ll get you a drink. All you had to do was ask, doll.”

The conversations you had with Tommy consisted of little more than playful flirting; sometimes you wondered if he was actually flirting with you, but seeing how he acted around women he was actively trying to pick up resolved any doubts. Any fire and sass was quelled, and he would become almost meek and reserved - the embodiment of flushed cheeks and a coy smile. It was nice being able to know where you stood with him, especially since you didn’t have a fucking clue when it came to Joel.

~~~~

As the hours passed and alcohol swilled around the mouths of every adult in sight, the polite affair that was once a celebratory BBQ had devolved into a raucous cacophony of laughter as a very drunk Joel lured everyone inside the house, stumbling as he went. You were drunk, but not to the same degree; with everyone settled inside, you decided it was the ideal moment to bring out the cake.

You peeled the tinfoil from the confection, grimacing slightly as you looked at it once more - even with beer goggles, it still looked akin to a toddler’s cooking class attempt rather than a 50 year old man’s birthday cake. You stuck a single candle in the centre and used the lighter you had stolen from Tommy earlier that afternoon to light it, before lifting it carefully and carrying it toward the lounge.

As you entered you nodded once at your dad, who was just sober enough to understand your signal, and started to lead the group into a pitchy chorus of ‘Happy Birthday’. You grinned as you walked over to where Joel was sat, setting the cake down on the coffee table in front of him before backing up, snapping a photo of the birthday boy as he held a hand to his chest, a soft smile on his face. He looked at you as he leant down to blow out his candle, mouthing ‘thank you’ before blowing out the flame.

“Y’all sure know how to make a man feel like one lucky son of a bitch. Thanks for comin’ everyone.”

Joel chuckled, smiling widely as he spoke. You glanced at the faces around you; the single women of the neighbourhood doting on his every word, a couple of the married ones too. Your dad held up his beer, calling for a cheers. Picking up your own bottle, you held it up in Joel’s direction, beaming at him as others held up their own drinks.

People began to engage in their own conversations again, shifting and mingling amongst themselves as more drinks were poured. Joel sidled up beside you, standing over you as you cut slices of cake.

“You make this yourself, sweetheart? Just for me?”

Heart thumping in your chest, cheeks burning, you nodded with a shy smile. Before you could raise the knife again, a thick finger swept up some of the icing on the cake’s border. You turned around and watched as Joel put the same finger in his mouth, shooting you a wink as he pulled the digit out with a satisfying pop. He leant in close, so close you could smell the alcohol on his breath melding with his cologne.

“Mm. Tastes as good as you look in that pretty lil’ dress.”

Like a fish out of water, your mouth dropped open ever so slightly and you inhaled sharply. Before you could even comprehend what had just happened, Joel had turned away, shouting out to someone setting up karaoke by the television. Did that really just happen? You must have been hearing things, surely? You considered pouring the rest of your drink away, but fuck it; if you were hearing things like that, it would be worth the hangover.

Karaoke was a shambles, as expected. This wasn't the first birthday BBQ that Joel had relished in the karaoke machine being dragged out - despite his usually very collected exterior, he loved to sing, especially once he had a few drinks in him. It was never the song choice you'd expect someone like him to go for either - the man had a soft spot for 80s music and always requested a power ballad.

Perched on the arm of the sofa, you had a front row seat to Joel's latest performance; in fact, you were one of the few people actually paying any attention. It felt like he was singing to you, the way he crooned the words to 'Don't Dream It's Over', his eyes glancing over your form every once in a while. God, he was gorgeous.

The song concluded and you couldn't resist snapping another photo of the man as he took a swig from his bottle in front of you. It was one of the few occasions that you could get away with it, under the guise of taking them for memory's sake. Joel caught you, and smirked as he lowered his bottle.

Your dress had slipped from one of your shoulders a tad, and before you could lift it once more, Joel had stepped forward. He took the soft cotton between his fingers, letting the tips of them graze your shoulder ever so gently as he slowly shifted it back into place. Your eyes were wide, gazing up at him, your tongue swiping over your bottom lip just so. Joel hummed, low and rumbling, barely audible.

"Sweet girl... better keep that tongue in your mouth 'fore I forget who I am."

Swallowing hard, mouth running dry... did he actually just say that? Did he mean to say it in such a sultry tone? "I-I, uh...", your response was unintelligible at best as you stumbled over the flurry of thoughts in your head. The lounge had since cleared out; Joel chuckled softly under his breath. With a tender touch, he raised a hand to your cheek; a calloused thumb brushing over your cheekbone.

Your lips parted slightly as your breath caught in your throat. Every beat of your heart reverberated in your head. Joel leaned down, still smirking, as he pressed his lips against yours. A breathy gasp left your lips as his moved firmly against yours for just a few moments. He pulled away sooner than you had wanted, leaving you sat there with your chest rising and falling heavily.

Joel's jaw clenched and he scrunched his eyes shut as he stood in front of you, dragging a hand down his face with a sigh. He mumbled something under his breath that sounded like an apology, shaking his head ever so slightly, before he turned to leave. You watched as he left the room, stomach turning all the while. Nausea rose up inside you, and as you made a sprint for the bathroom, you couldn't shake the feeling that it was your fault he had responded in such a way. Shit.