#and it’s already earlyish morning

[waugh-bao]

[dangerously-human]

Hectic week, not in a bad way, but I'm looking forward to some peace and quiet at some point. Spent the weekend visiting my sister (plus dinner with a friend along the way), and Monday we saw The Band CAMINO, which was a really good show, even with the lead vocalist still recovering from vocal rest - they got creative to work with it. Tuesday was the long drive home - I only got a little sick this time! - and then got home to discover my midterm had started two hours early, as I already ranted about. Then up late listening to the Phillies shut out the D-backs, and up late again on Wednesday after Bible study (but that was totally my fault for forgetting to eat). Baseball with the young whippersnapper Thursday and then work writing till 1am, but no sleep to be had the next day, of course, worked from former work bff's house (which meant leaving earlyish) and then, despite my intention to log off early, big unpleasant data problem cropped up, so long kind of day. (Also had a meeting with research fellows to give them feedback on their projects from the autistic perspective, which was pretty fun.) Then baseball at my parents' house (another loss, boo) and getting home at 1am, and getting up early this morning to drive up to the mountains for some fall foliage fun with the Bible study bunch. Which was awesome, even if I'm slightly salty that meant I couldn't do Clustercon - I'll have to catch posts and recordings later! - and still a little bummed we missed out on the Ren Faire twice, but this was a very good replacement. Now we're heading home for pumpkin carving together, then more baseball, and at some point I gotta prep to teach my preteens in Sunday school tomorrow... Maybe a post-church nap, if I'm lucky?

[fantasticcloudcreation]

Feelings rant, tldr I'm high and overwhelmed but it's gonna be ok

It's 9pm I've been fucking around all day and now I'm low-key panicking bc I gotta get on the road tmro and drive halfway to Miami and figure out somewhere to camp etc, it's gonna be hot, I will survive.... But I also have to get all my clothes figured out bc I brought them all out of the van to see what I actually had in there and what should come with me this time, but I just ate an edible and I'm tired of thinking so they're all just in a pile on the floor lmfao. Also gotta do the dishes, put the rest of the things in the van... Realistically that's not a crazy amount of things still to do lol I did pretty good today I guess. I just get antsy whenever I have to do long drives and I'm bad at transitions (leaving one place, arriving in another place.) I should've finished all these tasks today /should've started yesterday tbh/ but i always wait til the last minute and then scramble it all together... Will I ever be organized? Probably not. So now I'm gonna get sweaty and frazzled in the morning trying to get it all done before getting on the road and driving south for 8 hours with no ac, love that for me :)

Decided I'm gonna listen to the entire grateful dead discography on my way so that's at least one less decision to make tmro/something to look forward to on the drive. Can't dilly dally too much on the way to Miami bc I gotta do 10 hours of osha training once I get there, if they ever send the email........ I guess I'll start looking at places to stop overnight tmro. One step at a time. Breathing, relaxing, everything is working out.

I think if I wake up at 7 I can get it all done so I'm gonna relax for a minute and enjoy this edible and maybe eat some scrambled eggs and toast lmfao, I'll do the clothes real quick before bed and go to sleep earlyish (it's already almost 10 yikes) ... Relaxing! Breathing! Everything is working out!

[paulgadzikowski]

Well, I didn't think of a joke to draw while I was out driving. But I thought of looking through the ds9 tag on this blog for something I could use, because that'd give me one set during the period of time I was aiming for today; and that worked. It's earlyish in my usual update window but it's already up at the main site. Or you can wait till the customary link post at 10:00 tomorrow morning (remember it's Daylight Saving Time day tomorrow).

My relationship with Tumblr scrolling and posting may be going through a fundamental change. Or I might just be a little depressed.

We were expecting to get a formal diagnosis of my mother's cognitive condition this week. We want to know Mom's needs so they can be provided for, and we need her needs established and documented for insurance purposes, and we thought that was going to happen earlier this week and it didn't.

Meanwhile this week I've been feeling myself running out of steam when it comes to Tumblr consumption. In my retirement years I've been making myself do something else than scroll dashboard in the afternoon because otherwise I'd be inclined to do it all day and I don't want to let myself get sick of Tumblr before it implodes. Yet this week I've been feeling a loss of interest, and feeding my queue less, though I'm no longer making my almost-daily visits to Mom in the mornings. I'm still using a blockpack routine before moving on each session to my proper dashobard but I've pared down the routine to the minimum of mutuals of whose posts I don't want to miss any, and this morning I didn't feel like going on from there to reading my proper dashboard.

It doesn't help this morning that I haven't scripted and drawn a The Hero of Three Faces to be updated later today. My recent S.O.P. of drawing each day's first thing at the stroke of midnight before I even go to bed has been working well for many weeks or a coupla months; but there've been several days lately when inspiration has failed and the writing and drawing hasn't got done till late afternoon just before update time.

But that's what makes me think the new Tumblr burnout is a temporary, situational mood thing. Difficult times in the past have occasioned low daily cartoon inspiration just like this. If that's what's taking the fun out of drawing, perhaps it's what's taking the fun out of tumbling. And the rough times don't last forever. For now, maybe it'll help to go on one of my drives and get out of the house awhile.

[fairestwriting]

Dorm leaders finding out their s/o never puts effort into their birthday, or just never has people to celebrate? I feel like Riddle and Vil especially would not be thrilled. (Lmao my birthday is legit on the 9th and because nobody is available on the day my plan is to buy myself a cheesecake and chinese takeout and play Genshin Impact all day)

anon!! shakes you. happy earlyish birthday i am wishing you a good day here. consider this my gift to you!

Riddle Rosehearts

You were right to guess he wasn't thrilled hearing you had no plans for your birthday. Riddle wants to respect your wishes, of course, so he won't pry, especially if it seems to be a sore spot of sorts, but, to not do anything your birthday... that just seemed sort of sad to him.

He'll hesitate to do anything that feels like too much since you stated your intentions, or lack thereof, regarding your birthday, but he can't bring himself to just let it pass by like any other day. It just doesn't feel right to him.

So Riddle decides on doing something small, but that would hopefully clearly show you that he cared for you. He asks Trey for some help on making you your favorite baked good, and buys you a small gift of whatever you'd seemed interested in lately. He shows up at your doorstep by the morning, and with a shy expression, presents you what he'd arranged.

Leona Kingscholar

Kind of relates in a way, birthday celebrations had always felt bittersweet to him, being prime ground for guests to compare him to his brother, and he's already decently older than most of the school population, which he does secretly feel kind of weird about.

But he wants to know exactly why you don't care about yours. He knows his reason, but why is it like that for you? He pries for information for a bit, and in the case of never having people to celebrate, well... that's not something he thinks you deserve, not at all.

Won't pressure you to do anything if you really don't want it, but he'll want to keep you company. Spending your birthday completely alone just sounds depressing to him. Will probably casually slide in some sort of celebration, getting you both some food you like, or something like that, but isn't very likely to explicitly mention it's for your birthday.

Azul Ashengrotto

Azul doesn't fully enjoy birthdays, so to some degree, he does understand not wanting to celebrate them, though for him it's really about all the unsolicited gifts that make him feel like he's being put in debt to the other person...

His feelings mix between thinking you deserve better than just letting your birthday pass by and completely understanding the lack of enjoyment of the date, though. So what he does, in the end, is probably just push you a little bit, asking if you were sure you didn't want to do anything, because he wouldn't mind putting together a nice dinner.

If you do agree to letting him put together a birthday plan for you, he'll be spoiling you like you couldn't even imagine. Closing the Lounge for the whole night, leaving it to the two of you and maybe your close friends, if you expressed any interest in that. He'll get you a nice gift regardless of price, and make you your favorite meal. He wants you to feel appreciated, of course!

Kalim Al-Asim

No way. You have no plans for your birthday? Like, none at all? That's so sad! Kalim's not gonna let your special day go to waste like that, no matter how much you protest — Even if you express a genuine want to just let it go, he can't bring himself to do it! ...it might be annoying in that case, but, he means well.

Kalim is putting together a celebration and getting you all sorts of gifts whether you like it or not, especially if you gave up on birthday plans because of a lack of people to celebrate with. He can't believe you've been deprived of something as fun as that! He'll be doing his best to make up for what you've missed.

Needless to say, he goes all out. He tries to make it into a surprise party, but he's a bad liar so you can tell that when he tells you to come to Scarabia, it's for that party he said you deserved. And it's a party alright, lots of music and food and gifts, and Kalim bouncing at the center of it all, telling you that he wished he could have given you the whole world, but he couldn't, so he had to settle for that instead, and he hoped that was enough...!

Vil Schoenheit

You also guessed right on him not being thrilled at your lack of enthusiasm towards your birthday. Though he does understand not making a big deal out of it, he also gets the feeling you're devaluing yourself by doing that, and that's something Vil won't allow at all.

He'll want to know your reasoning behind not putting effort into it. A bad association, perhaps? If it's something like this, he'll understand, and let the day go by as you wished. But, lacking people to celebrate? Oh, he's not letting that happen this year. You've got him now!

He doesn't look like it, but he has a bit of a closet tendency to spoil that'll very much come out when your birthday arrives. You'll almost think he forgot about it, with how he hadn't mentioned it at all through the day, but then Vil shows up at your doorstep, an outfit in hand and a gift in the other, and he announces with a smile he would be taking you out for dinner, and he wouldn't take no for an answer.

Idia Shroud

Oh, big same. Idia doesn't really like doing anything for his birthday either, all the celebratory social rituals just exhaust him... though he doesn't mind things like getting gifts or special food, and he'll ask if you're sure if you don't want to at least have that, even if you're not really doing anything for it.

Idia would also want to get you a gift, or maybe even make one. If you've been struggling with something lately, and that could be fixed by technology, he'll pull an all nighter or two at the Ignihyde laboratory and build you a little robot that he'll hand to you very shyly when the day comes.

He'll ask you if you want to marathon some of your favorite shows or play games together then, too. Sure, he does understand not wanting a big celebration, but, just doing nothing at all? He promises he won't pressure you if you really don't feel like it, but he'd feel like a bad boyfriend if he didn't at least suggest something.

Malleus Draconia

It's no secret to you that Malleus has some... birthday baggage, and that would definitely play a role when you tell him you had no plans, whether you include the explanation about just giving up on celebrations due to a lack of company or not, but especially if you tell him that.

Because it's something he'd heavily sympathize with. Malleus had never had anybody to come to his birthday parties, really, and being an old fae, at one point he did give up on the celebration for a bit. But he didn't want you to go through something like this! He's definitely putting together a surprise party, except it works, unlike Kalim's.

He'll lure you to Diasomnia and make it seem random, but when you get there, there's your favorite cake waiting for you, along with Lilia, Silver and Sebek, plus whatever close friends of yours he thought you'd want to invite. He smiles gently, and explains how he didn't have it in him to just let that day go by without a second thought, so he hoped you'd have fun here, with your own little party.

if you wanna support my work, you can buy me a ko-fi or commission me!

[pompadourpink]

Hi mom I really liked your post about procrastination but I'm not sure how to find balance between doing too much and doing too little, any advice? Love u *3*

Hi bb,

For those who missed it: being productive when working from home + how to be more productive/disciplined.

I’ll tell you what works for me and you can adapt it:

Monthly trackers:

Mine consists of: Have I slept well/enough? Gone to bed by 12? Eaten well? Learned anything (Spanish, movie, show, book, online course, music practice, etc)? Worked? Worked out? Done my skincare routine (morning and evening)? Spent no money?

To all of those, I answer yes or no. I work out right after waking up, so if I managed to go to bed earlyish the day before (which is pretty easy as I have an 11pm alarm) and find the courage to go for a run at 6, half of my daily wishes are already in the bag by 7AM.

The learning part is never a burden (I drop what I don’t like), I do my skincare religiously, eat very well and work a lot, so by the end of the day, I usually get a whole line of YES, and it’s very motivating. Sometimes, one thing is being procrastinated, and I end up doing it naturally because I don’t want it to be the only element destroying my whole line of successes.

Not to repeat what I said in the linked article, but remember to keep yourself happy. Three out of six daily wishes are treats (skincare, learning, exercise), so there’s no way they’re going to burn me out.

To-do lists:

I have daily and weekly lists: the weekly one is mostly to remind me of little things (deciding which book I’ll read during the first half of April or taking out the trash on Monday night) but the daily one (3x3x3) is a bit different. I have three sections: self, job, house.

The personal one can be about pampering (lasering legs), learning (following the first week of an online course), or socialisation (scheduling a Skype session with a friend). The professional one can be about the blog (writing a post), lessons (correcting homework) or the future website or channel (making an infographic). The domestic one can be about chores (mopping), maintenance (brushing the beast) or administration (paying a bill).

One of those gets a little frog drawn next to the ticking box: that’s the horrible task I’ll have to do that day. For example, tomorrow’s frog is March bills: it will take me at least 45 minutes because it’s a whole lot of numbers, is still very new to me, has to be perfect, and I really wish I could pay someone to do it for me. But I can’t yet, and in the meantime, here I am. Eating the frog is the first thing you want to do in your day, to avoid postponing it when it starts getting late and you’re completely unmotivated.

Whatever those daily goals are, be grateful you get to do them. There are people who wished they could do that stuff that annoys you.

Timed tricks:

The first is the two minutes rule. If something takes less than two minutes, do it now (making the bed, cleaning your mug, putting something back where it belongs) as procrastinating will force you to keep it somewhere in your head, taking room and making noise for no reason. Telling yourself all day long “I have to clean the mug, I have to clean the mug, I have to clean the mug” because you know it will be stained if you don’t do it quickly is exhausting and stupid. Do it now, save your mug and relieve your poor brain.

The second is the twenty minutes domestic session (within an hour of waking up): put a timer on and take twenty minutes to adult. Do a few dishes, wash something, vacuum a room, change the sheets, etc. Not only it forces you to move and wakes you up but if you’re the type not to be hungry in the morning, it will probably help with that. You can leave your straighteners to heat for the last five minutes, get to it when you’re done, and boom, it’s not even 8 and you’re already looking like a million bucks in a clean apartment.

And guess who talked too much?

LTDR: Do the worst task first. Make it enjoyable. Practice gratitude. Make life easier for future you. Drop what doesn’t make you happy.

Love,

Mum

[we-are-inevitable]

Hey jac im at college orientation (classes start tomorrow) and yeah you're right this is like summer camp

Also why does nobody get up earlyish? My alarm goes off at 7 so I get to breakfast at around 7:30-40 and like. the campus is empty. there are six ppl in the dining hall. so ig my question is is this universal?

bro it's like. idek there are so many students at my university that it ALWAYS looks busy, especially during Welcome Week skfhsj!! i've had the opposite problem

i was getting a protein shake in the Student Union yesterday and oh my god it took. 30 minutes?? tbh i wouldn't have waited but i had already paid for it when they told me about the wait so I was like Welp. it's 9:30 and i have nothing to do until 12:30 so i guess i'll wait <3

but there are so many PEOPLE like EVERYWHERE here, even early in the morning, and it's!! so busy oh my god

[ngame989]

SVTFOE: A Retrospective

Happy Mama Star Day!

OK, first and foremost, a quick update on TGG: I plan to have something ready for at least one of the major anniversaries coming up, and hopefully will resume slightly more regular updates from then forward. Thanks to everyone for your continued support, it’s been a rough year so far for me personally and for everyone in in the current pandemic situation. The anniversary of both STH and Mama Star seemed like a fitting time to get some things off my chest, both good and bad, so I’ll do that now and get it out of the way to focus on bigger and better things in the future. Fair warning, this is gonna be long and rambly and personal more than it is any sort of serious show analysis. If you’re looking for fun, feel-good celebration of what definitely were some of my favorite moments in the series, I’m not so sure this is gonna be the post for you.

It goes without saying that Star vs the Forces of Evil, for better or worse, is incredibly important to me and has been without fail for years. How are you supposed to feel when something that important lets you down so hard? Is having such strong, mixed emotions and attachment better than having nothing you care about at all? The past year hasn’t answered these questions for me, and this post certainly won’t either. There’s no thesis or likely any kind of closure here, just me baring a bit of my soul here on tumblr dot com.

It’s been a rough year or two for me. I don’t want to get too much into the specifics, but let’s just say I hit a crossroads where the entire path I’d envisioned for myself in life came into serious question, and I had been spiraling into depression and paralyzing anxiety over a complete lack of any fulfillment in my “professional” life for months before I even recognized it for what it was. Season 3 finished airing around the last few months of my undergraduate degree, which (while obviously it significantly emotionally impacted me) was a generally happy and stable time in my life. As things started to change and get worse for me, SVTFOE S4 was my ray of hope. I’m not kidding when I say that some days in the hiatus leading up to it, the thought of S4 delivering on its potential for emotional fulfillment and Starco goodness (consistently, not just at the end) was the only thing that got me out of bed in the morning and the only positive thing I could see in my future. 

When we got the S4 we got, it shattered me, utterly and completely. This isn’t an attempt to dunk on S4 in some “objective” manner - hell, I even like a lot of the things about it that the fandom despises (the ending prioritizing character closure over lore, the upheaval of the political structure rather than just having Star become the Goodest Queen, etc). I’d still make the argument that a lot of the character development was very flimsy and poorly paced, a very clear effort to force the relationship resolution to be delayed until the end at all costs, but that’s not the point here. Life felt dull and lonely and warm fluffy Starco was my vicarious escape from that, and the season we got left me so completely hollow insid that it felt like I couldn’t breathe for its first more-than-a-dozen episodes, and I was so burnt out that I couldn’t even properly enjoy the parts that were genuinely good.

Even earlyish on, I was already fearing that things wouldn’t be resolved till the end and that there’d be almost none of the content I actually longed for from the show. As I’ve mentioned before, The Greatest Gift was born the morning after Lake House Fever’s late night release, out of salt and spite and a need to give myself something good to look forward to, even if it would be something I’d be making myself. I completely removed myself from even passing conversations with my best friends in the fandom because it hurt too much to even think about. I even had Seddm give me summaries of episodes before I watched them so I could take some time to emotionally prepare (at least until the 2nd to last week). And to the show’s credit, its last few weeks of episodes (with some exceptions) tried their absolute damnedest to right the ship (pun intended) and bring back the sorts of things I wanted with a vengeance. I was smiling like a complete fool for 12 hours straight after Here to Help. The ending didn’t fix my issues with the show, not by a fucking long shot, but it at least left me on a positive enough note that there was a feverish enthusiasm to continue it further on my own.

But it’s been tough. Have you or a family member/friend ever gotten bad food poisoning from a restaurant you really liked, and the smell of it makes you queasy afterwards even though you do really like it? That’s probably the best analogy I can draw to a lot of my relationship with SVTFOE since it ended. PLEASE NOTE I’M IN NO WAY TRYING TO EQUATE THE MAGNITUDE OF MY IRE WITH A CARTOON WITH SERIOUS DISORDERS THAT PEOPLE SUFFER FROM, but I’d almost be tempted to liken it to PTSD. Seeing reminders of the painful parts can put me in a bad mood for hours, and on some days even just dwelling on the show in any way will invite creeping negativity and “why the fuck couldn’t it have just-” types of thoughts taking over. There have been some days writing TGG where having to draw inspiration from or reference events/dialogues in S4 was so emotionally taxing that I had to stop writing for the night. I blocked Seddm’s entire askbox tag because I’d find my own emotions frothing into a rage over things in the show people would bring up. I’ve lost acquaintances and potential friendships over my bitterness. I instantly block anyone who posts even a hint of Tomstar/Kellco content in the Starco tags on any site because it induces such palpable negativity in my heart - I think I’m up to 1000 accounts blocked on Instagram right now, which is why Toxic runs the TGG page over there. If you’re one of the people out there that tried to strike up a conversation with me over a shared interest in the show and I vomited bile into your DMs, I sincerely apologize. And to anyone who got wrapped up in the brazen high hopes I put forth here every day as S4 approached and came crashing down with me as a result, I’m sorry for that too.

And yet... I can’t say there’s not a genuine love I still have for a lot of it. I still have my little shrine of stickers and pictures that I’ll sometimes just get let myself get lost in. There was a recent postcanon fic started by someone who just caught up on the show that brought such a depth of warmth into my chest that I’m smiling like an idiot just now thinking about it. I haven’t watched even a clip (let alone a whole episode) that Star and Marco’s voices in my head feel distant and abstract, but when I’m writing chapters I can still get emotional imagining them saying and doing things out of their devotion to one another. I’ve made no secret that I (to put it very very very lightly) have a strong distaste for the vast majority of this fandom, and yet the joy of knowing I could make people’s days or lives brighter gives me a satisfaction I can’t put words to. Don’t get me wrong, writing quickly just isn’t my thing normally anyway - I’m not trying to suggest that the sole reason for TGG downtime is that I’m driving knives into my own heart and pouring my blood onto the page. Just that that’s part of it, and it takes its toll. 

The last few months, although I have missed the joy of brewing up fluff ideas and seeing them come to life, have admittedly been a welcome reprieve just not having to think about this stuff so much. In the last few weeks I’ve finally been coming around to a bit of a better place where the good bubbles up without bringing as much of the bad with it. It will likely still wax and wane, and I can’t guarantee if or when TGG will fully finish. And this isn’t my entire life - I have MMOs and card games and all kinds of other hobbies that suck up lots of my time, so don’t worry about me just lying in bed sobbing over S4 for 12 hours a day. I don’t know if the day will ever come when I can truly be at peace with it all, but I don’t want to toss out the good with the bad. All I can ask is for your patience as my own journey evolves alongside my writing, until the day comes when perhaps this story can finally come to a close. Thanks for reading, and stay safe.

Ngame

[baked-hylian]

About a month ago I had such a terrible fight with my mom and eventual breakdown over it and now that it's one month later I really regret how I reacted during that whole thing and just kinda need to vent

We were fighting over the stupidest fucking thing when my breakdown finally happened, by that point in the argument (because now I don't even remember what had even triggered the whole conversation,) we were arguing over how I supposedly was allowed to raise my voice in a fight but not her.

Which... was not at all any point I was trying to make or reason why I did it. I raised my voice because at that point in the conversation, we were talking through a door and I was saying one last thing. This set her off and she starts screaming (keep in mind this is the earlyish morning like, between 6am-8am, and we live in an apartment building.)

I came out of my room, tried to quiet her down a little cause at least I've been trying to not be a dick neighbour about noise. This made it even worse and I just felt so ineffectual at communicating to her that it's not "I'm allowed to be loud and she isn't" it was 100% "trying to not be a dick to our neighbours" situation. After several minutes of back and forth I started feeling myself start to slip and wanting to hit myself (a habit that I had, at least, been trying to get over and stop,) so I grabbed my hair, 'thinking there's no way I'd pull it hard enough...'

I did, a large portion came out, and the argument ended at that point, my mom completely changing her tune about the situation but never admitted she was wrong to be so upset over asking to be a little quieter over everything and to consider the neighbours (it's not like I told her to stop and fuck off or anything, I literally just asked her to lower her voice because of how early it was.)

Afterwards I started to emotionally spiral even worse than I already had been (classic combination of work life/home life/social life/self view just kinda piling up on me all at once,) and wound up cutting my hair short but in a way that can kind of hide the spot.

Then I really fucked up in how I handled trying to talk to a friend about it.

I was already feeling terrible, and asking people for a shoulder to cry on is not an easy thing for me to do when I feel like that.

So with this friend I sent them a picture, mentioned casually about ripping out my hair (it's a coping mechanism I have—try to normalize the thing and it'll hurt a little less each time,) and my friend just completely passed over that, commented on how a hair cut is always good and that it looks cute (despite the bald spot being pretty visible.)

I wound up just breaking down even more. I didn't want to ask them to be a shoulder to cry on and they didn't want to seem to be one anymore and I fear this situation wound up becoming the final nail in the coffin that ended our friendship.

A few days later I was trying to work myself up to give myself some distance between myself and my friend while I cleared my head cause I wasn't really sure what I even want at that point, other than I needed to feel like I could breath again. When I messaged them I told them a list of some things/moments that really helped me realize I needed this distance and that I know I couldn't be a good friend to them at that time.

I mentioned the whole hair pulling thing without really realizing at that moment that I never clarified to them what had even happened, and now they won't even speak to me and I—really regret how I've handled everything in my anxiety and fear.

They have every right not to talk to me but I wish they'd be willing to, I wish I had handled things better and been willing to be more open. And now I'm here doing this as mainly as a way to vent at least some of my feelings out, because at this point, only one other person has heard the detailed version like this and they aren't speaking much to me either (but they're friend's with the first friend so that... may also explain it as well.)

[haledamage]

47

(47. crave :) finally answering this prompt with some Ari/Tristian. I don’t know where this falls on the PFKM game timeline in the grand scheme of things, but somewhere earlyish and definitely pre-relationship)

On First and Fierce Affirming Sight

A twig snapped and Tristian startled at the sound, casting a light spell toward the potential intruder. The shadows coalesced into the familiar form of Aurienne, hair still mussed from sleep but already armored for the day. He relaxed and released the spell as she approached.

She smiled at him as she dropped onto the seat next to him. “Good morning.”

He nodded his head in greeting. “Good morning to you too. I was not expecting company for a few more hours yet.”

She shrugged. “I like to watch the sunrise. I don’t mean to intrude on your solitude.”

“Not at all. I welcome your company.”

They fell into a comfortable silence, the only sound the whispering of the trees and Amiri’s snoring on the other side of the camp. A kind of peace settled over them, like they were in a bubble, the rest of the world falling away until it was just their campsite, until it was just the two of them.

“This is my favorite time of day,” Ari whispered, like it was a confession. She leaned back, staring up at the fading starlight. “Just before dawn, when the sun starts to rise but the stars are still out. It feels like… like the whole world is holding its breath. Like possibility. Like anything could happen.” Color rose in her cheeks and she looked down and away, embarrassed. “Sorry, I don’t mean to ramble.”

I like your rambling, Tristian wanted to say, but he didn’t. Instead he said, “I understand. It is a lovely sentiment. Every day brings new hope. That is what we are taught as priests of Sarenrae.”

“She seems like a smart lady, your Sarenrae,” she said with clear fondness in her voice. Fondness for the Everlight, he wondered, or for him?

He didn’t know quite how to reply, didn’t want to risk breaking the peace they’d found, so he didn’t say anything, letting the silence fall over them again as the world grew slowly brighter.

Aurienne closed her eyes and turned her face back up to the sky as the first rays of dawn climbed over the horizon and touched their campsite. It illuminated her skin, turning her ink black hair into burnished gold, and the small smile that graced her lips was warmer than the sunrise. 

Tristian’s breath caught in his throat as he stared at her. The light of the sun seemed to rise again in his chest, filling him with a warmth he had no name for. An image formed in his head, as clear as a vision from Sarenrae herself, of him leaning toward Ari, of threading his fingers through the dark waves of her hair, of pulling her close and pressing his lips to hers. Would her smile taste as sweet as it looked? Was her skin as soft?

Would she kiss him back? Did she crave his touch like he longed for hers?

For the space of a heartbeat, he thought about asking her, but he couldn’t find the words. It was far too dangerous a question to ask so spontaneously. What would he do if she said no?

What would he do if she said yes?

He realized suddenly that he was reaching for her, his hand hovering only centimeters from her shoulder. He pulled it back, clenching it into a fist in his lap, and the world rushed back in, the sounds of birdsong and rustling leaves filling the air where just seconds ago there had only been the two of them. Ari still had her eyes closed; if she had noticed his moment of weakness, she made no acknowledgment of it. He didn’t know whether to be grateful or disappointed.

“Good morning!” Linzi called cheerfully as she joined them by the fire, clanking pots and pans together as she started to prepare breakfast.

Aurienne finally opened her eyes, her smile brightening. “Good morning, Linzi. Did you sleep well?”

“As well as can be expected with my bedroll next to Amiri’s. She snores like a wild boar.”

Amiri barked a loud, proud laugh from the other side of the camp, apparently taking Linzi’s comment as a compliment. “What’s for breakfast? I’m starving!”

“So much for our peaceful morning,” Aurienne said, her already soft voice so low that Tristian could barely hear it. “It was nice while it lasted.”

“There will be another one tomorrow,” he replied. “I shall save you a seat.”

She turned to him, gray eyes turned to molten silver in the morning light. She smiled at him the same way she smiled at the sun, and he felt an echo of that pull toward her, that need to touch her. “It’s a date.”

Her hand settled on his shoulder, lingering for the space of two heartbeats, three, four, and then she slid away to wake the others. Tristian felt a part of him go with her.

[wolfpawn]

I Hate You, I Love You, Chapter 42

Chapter Summary -  With Tom in Sudan and Danielle in Wales, they are tested for the first time on the ability to be apart from one another for a notable amount of time, can they hack it, and what are they planning for their little reunion?

Previous Chapter

Rating - Mature (some chapters contain smut)

Triggers - references to Tom Hiddleston’s work with the #MeToo Movement. That chapter will be tagged accordingly.

authors Note - I have been working on this for the last 3 years, it is currently 180+ chapters long.  This will be updated daily, so long as I can get time to do so, obviously.

tags: @sweetkingdomstarlight-blog  @jessibelle-nerdy-mum @nonsensicalobsessions @damalseer @hiddlesbitch1 @winterisakiller @fairlightswiftly @salempoe @lys-syl @youcantcatchafallingstar

If you wish to be tagged, please let me know.

“You got it!” Tom was forced to hold the phone away from his ear as Danielle shrieked excitedly down it at him.

“I have not gotten anything yet, technically speaking.” Tom pointed out.

“But you were brilliant, and half of the nominations, I haven’t heard of the shows, much less the actors.”

“Elle, that’s mean.” Tom scolded.

“But I haven’t.”

“Well, you’re not renowned for your love of watching telly.” He pointed out.

“Guilty,” she admitted nonchalantly, causing Tom to chuckle. “Who else has congratulated you?”

“So far, I have had texts from Luke, Ben, the cast, obviously, Kenneth Brannagh, a few of my previous work colleagues, couple of the guys from school and college, cousins, my aunt, Sarah, and of course, mum called, but I only got a message because I was charging my phone, I will ring her back in a while.”

“And Emma?” Danielle asked, noting that he had not mentioned the youngest of the Hiddleston siblings.

“She hasn’t sent anything yet, but mum said that her schedule is hectic at the moment and that Jack was saying she does not get home from the show until three or four most mornings, so I think she is still asleep now, it’s lunch time here, but I think you are still midmorning.”

“Yeah, it is. That’s fair enough.”

Tom had been about to ask Elle something when he noticed the disheartened tone to her voice. “What is it? What’s wrong?”

“She’s not talking to me.” Danielle almost sounded like a child, her voice was so small.

“Emma?”

“She’s barely responding to anything I text her, she only responds with one-word answers.”

“She will get over it with time, as you said already; it’s just a little weird for her. Though it’s not fair for her to guilt you like this.”

“It’s also not fair to go after a friend’s brother.” Danielle countered.

“What, are you saying you broke some ‘girl code’?”

“I don’t think there is something officially written out, but yes, I have done something worthy of being told to go fuck myself in many people’s books.”

Tom felt crestfallen. “Do you regret us?”

“I know it sounds bad, but no, I don’t. Emma is one of my closest friends, I have never really been as close with anyone like I have her, I love her, I would do anything, legal or otherwise for her, but I love you, and I like being with you.”

“These are different sorts of love you have for us both, I assume?”

Danielle laughed, “Obviously.”

“It will be resolved soon enough, darling. She cannot stay too mad at people for too long, it is not her way. Do you want me to say something?”

“No, if she needs to be mad for a bit, then let her be, I rather not talk to her until she is ready to. She could say something in anger that could make a big difference to everything and I don’t want to do that.”

“I don’t think I have ever heard of you not confronting something head on before,” Tom noted.

“Because normally, I don’t feel like I could lose my best friend from it.”

“You won’t lose her.” Tom felt hurt on Danielle’s behalf. “She’ll realise soon enough that she’s not actually mad at us and that this isn’t some sort of trashy little fling and that we are happy together, then she will realise you are all the more special.” His smile was blatant through the phone.

“Especially when we decide to…Shit, I am being called back onto set here. Tom, I will talk to you later and I am so happy for you, bye.”

Tom did not even get to say goodbye before Danielle hung up the phone, not that he would have been able to utter the word anyway. He stood, phone still to his ear as he processed what Danielle had been saying before she was called off. She was clearly about to mention something that indicated that she was thinking of something regarding the long-term future for them. His curiosity was piqued at what she could have been about to say. Looking at the screen, he realised he had received several more texts of congratulations, one of which was from Emma.

Emma – Just heard, well done. X

Tom stared at the message before deciding what to text back.

Tom – thanks, sis, sort of shocked, obviously, in an honoured sort of way. By the way, is everything okay? Elle thinks you are angry at her.

Tom looked at the phone for a moment wondering should he have mentioned Elle, before pressing send and turning it off, heading through the departures lounge to start the journey back to London. His trip back to Sudan was over, and in truth, felt worn from it, but, armed with new experiences of the situation there due to his revisiting, he would be able to speak more of it and the terrible situation there, so hr knew it was worth it.

*

“Hey Irish,” Danielle looked at the sound guy who was standing nearby with a few other behind the scenes set staff. “We’re stuck working this weekend, but off earlyish Saturday and late on Sunday, so we are having an unofficial Christmas Party, you in?”

Danielle had taken out her phone as soon as he had informed her that they were working to tell Tom. “I’m probably not going to be able to.”

“Cancelling plans?” he asked, referring to her phone.

“Himself and I were supposed to be going to friends, so yeah.”

One of the make-up artists looked at her curiously. “You never mentioned a boyfriend.”

Danielle froze for a moment, thinking as fast as she could. “Does anyone around here, if you don’t have a wedding band or a diamond ring, I don’t know anyone’s relationship status.”

“True actually. So what will be your plans now?” The artist conceded.

“I will have to tell him the situation and see what he does about it, he may come here instead now.”

“Surely he can join us all then.”

She looked at the other woman apologetically. “He’ll be just back from a tedious flight, so I will mention it, but I can’t give a definite answer yet.”

“Ooh, he sounds fancy, what does he do?”

“Promotion,” Danielle thought quickly, technically, it was not a lie.

“Meh, scratch that,” The other woman dismissed, “at least in makeup, I get to work up close with celebrities. So Danny has an introvert boyfriend, let me guess, you two sit in, watch Game of Thrones and read most days off.” She smiled playfully.

“Not really a big fan of the show, but yeah, read, relax, walk the dog and going for a run usually.”

“Ooh, a dog and everything, very cosy. I hope we get to meet him.”

Danielle smiled politely, but in her mind, she feared such a thing, not yet mentally ready to declare to the wider world about her celebrity boyfriend. “Maybe if he is feeling up to it, we can join you all.” She commented as she thought of what to say to Tom of what was now her weekend, knowing full well he would plead for her to allow him to join her for it.

“Cool, so Danny is a ‘maybe’, what about you Jack?” the makeup artist decided to focus on who else could be roped into a drinking session.

Danielle just smiled, part of her relieved that she already had set up the excuse for her not being there at the weekend. A piss-up, in the guise of a Christmas party, was the last thing she wanted, especially that she knew Tom would be back. Unlocking her phone, she decided to finish and send the text to Tom.

Danielle – Your coming home has saved me from a weekend of hangovers and regrets. Are you coming Friday or Saturday?

*

“It hilarious,” Danielle erupted in fresh giggles.

“I respectfully disagree,” Tom grumbled, though he was somewhat surprised by her reaction, relieved that she had not been upset.

“It’s hilarious, trust me.” Danielle reaffirmed, looking at her laptop. “Though what has me concerned is; the artist putting it there because they knew you lived nearby, which is somewhat odd and unsettling, and how did the paparazzi know you would be passing there. Was it all done as a stunt?”

“You think I set this up?” there was both hurt and anger in his voice.

Danielle sighed, she knew he was jetlagged and that he was always somewhat sensitive when people suggested that he was media hungry. “No, I am saying that they would, of course, know you are home, since you were on the TV this morning, talking about your trip, which, by the way, was a very well done piece, but let’s face it, I knew it would be, I think they did the stunt to keep making money off you and her, even if all you were doing was going to Sainsbury’s for some milk.”

“Sorry,” Tom groaned, his tiredness blatant in his voice, “I shouldn’t…”

“Love, you’re exhausted, please, go get some rest.” Danielle encouraged.

“I’m not…”

“Tom, you seem to forget you were on telly this morning, I saw you with my own two eyes, you’re bollixed tired, don’t deny it. Get some rest, after all, you promised to come see me this weekend.”

“Are you sure you don’t want to go out with the others, I can entertain myself for a couple hours?” Tom asked, turning on the kettle to make a cup of tea while he read over a few things that had accumulated while he was away.

“Well, let us look at everything for a moment, I could go drinking, something you and I both know of my lack of interest in, with a bunch of people I only know three weeks and will only be working with for another two, or I could hide away in a hotel room with my incredibly sexy boyfriend and show him how much I have missed him over the past few weeks, especially when I may have bought something just for the occasion. Such a difficult decision to make.” She feigned a tone of deep thought for a moment before giggling. “I ought to spank that delectable derrière of yours for even suggesting such a thing.”

“I am not going to lie, I am looking forward to seeing…wait, you want to spank me and you bought something, please tell me it’s something I can ogle you in?”

“You’ll have to wait and see.” She could not hide the grin on her face or the excitement in her tone.

“Darling, you have no idea how much I want to get in my car and drive there to you, right this instant.” He groaned in frustration.

“Aw, is my poor man frustrated?” she half-joked.

“Well, thanks to your imagery, I am now sporting something that could…”

“Herd cattle?” Danielle laughed, loving how he was getting more and more wound up.

“Country mouse.” Tom grinned, using Danielle’s own analogy of herself.

“City mouse,” she retorted jestfully.

“Darling, I cannot wait to be around you.”

“Are you heading to your mum’s between now and then?”

Tom’s brow furrowed slightly, unsure as to why she was asking about his mother. “I don’t plan to, why?”

“I was just going to ask you to send me a picture of Mac, I miss him.” she stated sadly.

“If I do, I will.” He promised.

“They have a collie dog staying here at the moment that reminds me of him, I think one of his parents was a collie and the other a German Sheppard, it is so like him.”

“They let dogs stay there?”

“Yeah, not everyone wants to put their dogs in kennels when they go away, so they allow them here for another ten pound a night.”

“That’s a great idea.”

“I know, right? So if you see him, tell him I miss him and I will see him soon, and get me a photo.”

“I promise if I see him, I will.” He smiled, loving how much Danielle cared for the scraggy pup he had rang her about one cold morning while he was on set. “I will talk to you soon, and trust me when I say, I cannot wait to join you.”

“Goodbye Tom, I…I love you.” She admitted in a meek voice.

Tom’s eyes widened at her words, she had said them once or twice before, but never over the phone like that. “I love you too, Elle.” He smiled, “Goodbye, darling.” As soon as Danielle hung up, Tom thought to himself for a moment and then grinned slyly, so with a quick Google, he retrieved the number he required and pressed the call button. When a woman answered the phone, he put his most charming voice on. “Hello, I know this is an odd request, but I need to ask a favour and keep something secret for me.”

[wheremytwinwatches]

[Where My Twin Watches]: PMMM Rebellion - Part 1

Showtime! Tephi has seen Rebellion now, so I’ve got the all clear to watch it myself. For planning purposes, I’m keeping a list of break points q_3 suggested (14:30, 30:30, 41:30, 54:30, 1:07:30, 1:23:50, 1:33:30) as planned stopping points between posts, barring ragequits. I’ll be watching the DVD, but feel free to follow along on Netflix! Because apparently the movie is on Netflix, as I only recently discovered when I went there to rewatch some Madoka episodes in preparation for this. All right! Time to dive back into the world of Madoka Magica. Puella Magi Madoka Magica: The Movie - Rebellion

Main menu is split between Ribbon!Homura looking off to the left, and the cover art of Magical Girls on the right. Light flute music playing. Black background, a small but bright pink light growing larger in the screen “We are the ones who pray for hope, embrace curses and fight ever onward. We are Magical Girls.” I think this is Homura narrating. Light shows itself as a Soul Gem, as Homura talks about how in obtaining miracles Magical Girls take a “destiny of battle” upon their souls. And that the destiny ends with the “salvation of oblivion”. Off to a cheery start, here! But! “By disappearing from this world, we could escape our fate of despair.” That’d be the change Madoka made, taking MGs away before they Witchified. Now the Gem’s falling through water, to a window? “Someday, that final day will come. As we wait for the Law of the Cycle to lead us away, we continue our unending battle.” Um, is it just me or am I hearing voices in the background? Can’t make out what they’re saying. “In this irredeemable world, forever repeating its tragedies and hatred, I dreamt that I encountered that familiar smile once again.” Camera is now looking over a sprawling city (Mitakihara, right?) at night, lots of shining steel and glass structures. But a series of colorful lines snake through the air putting out lights, then the artstyle starts getting trippy. Silhouettes of ballerinas?

Uh, now there’s a 2D teddy bear/doll thing dancing? Which just spat out a couple of smaller teddy bears and SWEET MADOKA they just blew through a building! The heck? This is clearly a Witch, what with the Labyrinth and wanton destruction and all, but how? Weren’t Witches replaced by Wraiths in the new world? As is, Teddy Doll is now resting to the graceful classical music and looking at the ballerinas Wait is that Madoka!  It’s Madoka! Which… raises so, so many questions. But whatever, just look at her! So cute, shooting her bow into the air… and then frantically dodging the arrow storm. Hmmm, inexperienced Madoka? Teddy Doll runs from the barrage- and is followed by bubble-bouncing Sayaka? Ok, so this has to be an earlier timeline if they are here. Now Kyoko’s joined in the chase! Sayaka and Kyoko both attack Teddy Doll, lovely teamwork between these two, but it slips away from them into a building. Where it sits down at a dinner table? Wait, what’s going on now? There’s a French-style song with an accordion about “dreaming of the morning”, and Madoka just entered with a basket of bread. She’s feeding the Teddy Doll? And Sayaka and Kyoko just came in with more food?

Mami! Artillery Magical Girl is here, with some floating guns and And What the fuck is that thing doing here It’s Dessert Witch, the one that ate her head It’s right behind Mami What the hell Ok, what the hell just happened. Dessert Witch just sat down at the table, there was a huge burst of light as our girls just kept smiling. What is going on? Madoka wakes up? Ah, an odd dream. Wait, are you holding a giant orange Incubator plush? That’s INCUBATOR! GET OUT! That thing is lurking on Madoka’s shelf. Stop acting cute, you freak. I know what you’re capable of. Don’t say “Good morning” to it, Madoka! Cherry tomatoes getting cut? Ah, it’s like the first episode at Madoka’s house! Father gardening, Madoka getting her hungover Mother out of bed. There’s a change in the bathroom dialogue, instead of talking about Hitomi’s love letters it’s about how she’s dating Kyosuke. Well! Isn’t that convenient! Wait, no, this is the show that launched my Ship of Death. Nope nope not pursuing that.

Hey, looks like Madoka already has her Soul Gem in the form of her ring. Confirmation of earlier timeline. Also, Ms. Saotome’s talking about the end of the world in class? She's upset that her students are hooking up while she’s still single? New student transferring to class that day? Hmmm, a certain Mysterious Transfer Student, is it? “I wonder what they’ll be like? I hope we can become friends.” Oh, I have no doubt of that, Madoka. And then the Incubator ruins the mood by showing up. Bleh. Same sweet breakfast scene between the family, Madoka heads out while still chewing her slice of toast. The Incubator hitches a ride on her shoulder, and our Protagonist laughs. Ugh! Stop with the suspense, Urobuchi, looking at Happy Madoka just makes me more and more nervous. A light poppy song comes up, with credits? Intro sequence? Light gloved touches form a tree-shrouded pond, and MG!Madoka strides across the water. Now she’s seated at a carnival teacup ride, as Sayaka and Kyoko spin one of the cups. Daw, they’re on a daFRIENDLY CARNIVAL OUTING BETWEEN FELLOW STUDENTS. Ha, almost got me there, Urobuchi! Homura at the same park at night? Looks up at the sky which is raining white feathers. Madoka walks through a field of flowers next to the amusement park, then through the park hand-in-hand with Sayaka. Now it’s fall (Sayaka is in an adorable beanie and sweater) and they’re joined by Mami. Now it’s winter and Kyoko is chasing Sayaka for withheld food, she trips into Blue-Hair and they tumble to the ground entOH GEE HOPE THEY DIDN’T SCRAPE THEIR KNEES. Whew, too close. Spring again as the four walk up to a white-dress Homura? Homura’s surrounded by gears now, until a hipcheck from Madoka snaps her out of her doldrums and she’s dragged into the amusement park. More flashes of gears, then a carousel where Homura is kneeling and has muted colors, while the other four girls cheerfully dance. Showing how she’s separated from their time? Flashes back to the lake, Madoka extends a hand to help Homura up from her kneeling position. Homura reaches out- Madoka’s hand crumbles to sand? What? Homura’s now in what looks like a desert with stone pillars in the background. Cries? There’s a black earpiece-thing in the sand with a purple gem? And yeah, we end in the desert, the movie’s title coming up.

Well, ok then. I’m completely lost. What does all this mean? Back to the light peaceful music as we repeat the first episode, Madoka meets up with Sayaka- and Kyoko? So she’s going to school with them in this timeline? Quick zooms confirm that the girls have their rings as well, and Sayaka compliments her for her work last night. So they did fight the Teddy Doll? The girls walk into the school, and man the studio got even more animation money for this movie, didn’t they? Lost of students running around, the building looks even more ostentatious that before. Standard Magical Girl chatter about “Oh, I didn’t get the reading done/Meh, I didn’t bother doing the homework, can I copy yours?” Sayaka takes offense to Kyoko trying to copy off of Madoka, they squabble as Madoka tries to play peacekeeper. Even the Incubator pats her head in ‘sympathy’. In class, Teacher’s saying that just because the Mayans were wrong about Doomsday, doesn’t mean that they’re safe! Um. Ok then? Alright, maybe you should take your meds lady. It was bad enough when you wasted class time ranting about your exes, why don’t you do your job. “Well, to be honest… I think perhaps the ending of the world may not be such a bad thing.” Ok really now, you- “After all, I’ve had my fill of dealings with men and love and so forth. If I must carry on this way and have my age rounded up to 40 from now on, I’d rather everything just ended at once, in one fell swoop.” Ah, ok then. Teach’s just having a midlife crisis. Move along, nothing to see here.

Say hello to the Mysterious Transfer Stu- wait. Homura has her glasses and braids? Is this the first timeline, in fact? Even not being so Mysterious, the class all gives a gasp as she enters. And are those blushes I see on our characters' faces? Especially Maodka? Daw, that’s CUTE THAT SHE LIKES WHAT SHE SEES WAIT NO I MEAN IS HAPPY TO SEE A NEW FRIEND. HAH, DODGED THAT ONE. Huh, Homura’s cheerfully saying hi, no hesitation. So not the first one, then. Yup, brushing back her hair she flashes her Ring, our other MGs immediately recognize is for a Soul Gem. Right, this isn’t her first pass so she’s already got her powers. And maybe it’s still early enough she can be happy about the thought of saving Madoka? Now we’re on the roof, apparently Mami already knew about Homura, thought it’d be fun to surprise the other girls. Homura says she should have introduced herself last night, when they were fighting the- Nightmare? Translation change between the show and movie? Mami confirms that she was around last night, and that she has significant power as a Magical Girl. Homura protests that she is more of a support role that anything (still early enough she hasn’t been raiding armories for weapons). Sayaka welcomes the help, as does Kyoko “provided last night wasn’t a fluke”. Madoka grasps her hands, and welcomes her to the team.

All right! Now, what to say about the movie so far? AAAAAAHHHHHH THE DESSERT WITCH IS ALIVE IT IS FOLLOWING OUR GIRLS WHY WHY WHY WHAT IS GOING ON?!?!?! Ahem. So, obviously Dessert Witch being around is a Big Deal. Question is, what does it mean? All the signs are pointing toward this being an earlyish run for Homura, not the second because she didn’t immediately spring to blurt out Madoka’s secret, but early enough that Looping Fatigue hasn’t set in yet, nor has she developed her full combat style. However, now that I think about it I’m not sure all the mentions of Nightmares instead of Witches are translation changes anymore. What we saw of Dessert Witch in the show was an entity that wasn’t that cunning, mostly just focused on eating or destruction like the other Witches. But maybe there was a change this timeline. Maybe this time the Witch is taking a more subtle approach, is tricking or brainwashing our Magical Girls to clear out other Witches under the guise of “hunting Nightmares”. Which brings up some rather stark concerns about where this movie will go. Homura knows the truth, knows what Dessert Witch is and can recognize that something is wrong. So it’s only a matter of time before she rebels (title relevance!) and tries to take it out. But I don’t think the manipulated girls are just going to stand by for that. Hmmm.

[cravitus426]

Greetenings!

This night-morning brings a rough compilation of sketches - some digital, mostly physical - as well as an earlyish 3D interpretation of said sketches!

But what are those sketches? Ships - spaceships - Irken spaceships, no less, and this ship in particular is Ave’s own Regor.

Classed as a Shrike-Reaver, cousins of the Regor are uncommon but powerful sights with a number of interesting design quirks, such as their ridiculous size. Indeed, you could perhaps fit around a dozen Spittle Runners in the wingspan of a single Shrike! Perhaps that’s why he likes it? Would be nice to have a ship you could stretch your legs in, after all.

Shrike-Reavers, named initially for their hooked noses, are long-ranged solitary fleet hunters and nebula predators. Uniquely aerodynamic, they’re known for coasting undetected with their engines cold, gliding everywhere from the seas of ocean-worlds to the storms of gas giants as they lie in wait and make the best of a design quirk that most races have taken to ignoring - wings.

Holding many more surprises than merely the lost concept of lift, the wings of a Shrike can hold anything from missiles to snacks, and prominently feature extended shield systems that bolster already formidable armor. Akin to some Spittle Runners, Shrikes feature self contained cockpits capable of ejection from the crew module. Most notably, however, is the completely sealed nature of the cockpit, using hull sensors to provide the pilot with any relevant data.

Shrikes are as well-armed as they are oversized and armored, with most containing some variation on a long-ranged tactical beam weapon that typically deploys from under the cockpit giving the craft a Shuvver-like silhouette. Coupled with the massive engines, they’re easily capable of chasing down prey and carving new holes into them.

However, given their size and the fixed nature of most of their weapons, Shrikes do face a mobility advantage when faced against smaller craft.

Currently out of favor under the steamroller tactics preferred by the Almighty Tallest and thus the Armada, Shrikes have largely receded from public view despite appreciation from fleet hunters and defenders alike.

[rycbar-horcrux]

mayhaps reblogging those rings post was the best decision i made this week. your tags continue to bless the belexa ship time and time again. what would becky give lexi as a ring do you think? and how did they go about proposing to each other if they already did so? love to hear your thoughts 😇

Mayhaps the best decision you made this week was giving us that belexa fic. Now that right there was a blessing. It was a truly wonderful gift and maybe I love it a lot. 😁

Anyways, down to business. Perhaps surprising no one, I got a little long again. If time has taught us anything, it is that I apparently cannot control my thoughts on poison ivy bex and harley quinn lexi. But in my defense, there was a lot that i could say about these questions, some of which surprised me, and I really could have said more.

So the rings first. I feel like the resin rings happen earlyish into their romantic relationship. Cos they love one another but it’s too soon for some huge major action. Simultaneously it has been long enough that the inklings of ‘wow I could see myself spending my life with this person’ are here for both.

From Lexi, the ring is meant to be almost like a promise. Cos she remembers how Bex had been hesitant to believe that Lexi returned her feelings when they finally got together. Plus, this whole relationship is kind of a big deal to her. She’s ever felt quite like this before and that is a lil bit scary. But despite that, she is 1000% in and that’s what fuels the ring. She wants Bex to know just how just how much she loves her just in case it doesn’t always quite show or Bex doubts anything So like I said, she carefully picks the components for the ring, taking into account their meaning. Picking a strong, reliable wood (maybe something like oak), and a small but meaningful flower like the forget-me-not. But when it comes to it, she chickens out a little. When prompted, tells Bex that the choices were random and that she didn’t even know what they meant anyways. But of course Bex can see right through her. She doesn’t call her on it, but she knows. And Lexi knows she knows.

Now, Bex goes for a resin ring too, so whilst it is different in appearance, the two have rings in a matching style. First the wooden half, and she does something a wee bit different for that.

So, Lexi can get quite attached to her bats.They’re kind of reassuring weight in her hands. Whilst she’s far from defenseless without it, she gets an extra sense of power with it. All it takes is one little swing and she can unleash a world of pain on whomsoever deserve it. Not only that, but it’s pretty hard to defend yourself from a swinging bat. That hit’s gonna at least smart wherever it lands. It’s not just a tool to her, she can draw comfort and strength from it especially if she ends up feeling somewhat insecure or threatened when she’s out wreaking havoc on the town. Sometimes she’ll run her thumb over the base of the handle, the mostly smooth surface helping to quiet things down for her. Others she might rest it behind her neck, wrists carelessly dangled over it if she wants to appear confident are casually disinterested. But you get the idea. She’s so attached that she can identify it by the feel of the individual grooves, and can tell you the reasons behind any nicks on it that had been picked up over time. But whilst they tend to be on the sturdy side, things can happen, and they do break. And although she knows when to give up on a bat and replace it, she can never quite bring herself to throw the bits remaining of the old one away, at least not straight away. So when this ring stuff is going down, Lexi isn’t that long after having to replace her bat and has only just got into the swing of things with it. So Bex liberates the remaining handle of her last bat to use.

As for the flowers, I think she ends up creating something unique solely for this ring. Pour her heart and soul into making this complex, beautiful little flower. In a way, Bex has put so much of herself into making it that it’s almost like a part of her, which is maybe what she was going for. Kind of a symbolic to represent that for as long as she wants it, Lexi can always have at least this little part of Bex with her.

So that’s what Bex’s ring is, a symbol of reassurance. Of comfort. It’s Bex telling Lexi that she has received Lexi’s message and that she is here, and will be for as long as Lexi wants/needs.

So maybe sometimes after a long day or if Lexi is out and about and whispers start up in the back of her mind, Bex looks at the ring and watches the way the light glints off of the flower encased resin. The sight proving to be almost mesmerizing as she remembers the meaning behind the ring, Lexi’s voice ringing through her head louder than any of her thoughts could hope to. And maybe sometimes Lexi runs her thumb along the ring. Caresses the familiar wood as well as the smooth resin. Maybe that simple motion can bring a sense of calmness, of belonging, to her, maybe it can help her right the world when someone threatens to shake the ground she stands on. Maybe the pair can look at those rings, can look at the other wearing them and just be utterly filled up with a feeling of love, but not only that, the certainty of their love being returned. Maybe they look at those rings and see the promise and also the possibility. The possibility that maybe someday in the future, they could each have another ring. A ring that could have just as much meaning and warm emotion behind it. Maybe if you were to ask each of them, they would consider that possibility part of their promise in the ring. But that’s nobody’s business except there own now is it?

Now, your second question. Ngl, I need to think about the proposal more and flesh it out, but I can give you the bare bones that I already have.

Possible plot twist - the way I see it Lexi proposes. But I’ll come back to that in a minute. So it’d be kind of planned but not planned if that makes sense? The idea sat in the back of her head for months before she mustered the courage to properly think of it. And when she does, the whole situation seems surprisingly simple, cause why would she not want to marry Bex? But then that’s a whole other set of problems. Cause when should she do it? What should she say? Does she give her a ring? What kind of ring would Bex even like? Where should of she do it? Anyways, you get the idea. So she thinks things over even more. Plans out a couple of ways that it could go down. She puts some serious thought into the whole thing, cause this is a big deal to her, and she wants to try and make it perfect for Bex.

As a matter of fact, she’s still considering things as the moment occurs. It’s like she looks at Bex and all of the questions, all of the doubts and worries just melt away and the words practically slip out. And maybe just lets them. Then quickly follows up with a sort of mishmash almost ramble covering all of the sentiments that she had thought about. It’s maybe not the most eloquent of the speeches that she’d planned, but it’s also not the shortest/ most abrupt. And of course Bex accepts, though she does almost question it at first, just reminds Lexi that she only wants this if Lexi does too.

But I’m going to cut myself off there because now I’m thinking even more about it. I do plan to revisit it and some point when I can give it proper justice so I don’t want to ruin things too much. I will say that it is really something though.

Now Bex, she’d love to be married to Lexi, but like I said earlier, I don’t think she’d eagerly push for it. She wouldn’t want to do that to Lexi; put her in a position where she might have to consider something she doesn’t want to do or let Bex down. All Bex wants is for Lexi to be happy, regardless of whatever role that means she takes in her life. Whether that meant they’d initially stayed friends, or never put a label on their relationship, or never took that one major step, or whatever. She’s just happy to give Lexi the love that she deserves in whatever way Lexi needs it. So she doesn’t ever put any thought into proposing. That’s not to say that she doesn’t sometimes imagine what things would be like if they were married. She would love to be able to call Lexi her wife. To watch Lexi absolutely going to town on a group of deserving goons and say ‘that’s my wife’ in a mixture of pride and awe. To answer the almost questioning look as she holds up a man who’s insulted Lexi and made her doubt herself. To forget about her talents and answer the question with a solid punch to the face and a snarled ‘that’s my wife’ as she defends her. To be dragged by a dressed up Lexi to a Disney marathon at a nearby cinema, an small shrug and almost exasperated ‘that’s my wife’ offered in answer to the amused looks she receives.

But at the end of the day she reminds herself that all of those married moments and so much more already happen. The imagined emotion is all the same, it’s only the wording of what Lexi is to her that is different. And does that really matter?

So I feel like the only way that poison ivy Bex proposes is accidentally, the whole thing’d almost be a joke actually. It’d be first thing in the morning maybe, both still tired. Lexi’s half sprawled at the table whilst Bex is leaning against a counter on the other side. And Lexi is grumbling cos she wants some of Bex’s coffee but Bex is playfully hoarding it. She needs it, and if Lexi wants some then maybe she should make her own. Then finally she jokes ‘Maybe we should get married then. You’d have the whole what’s mine is yours thing to play off of.’ a small chuckle escaping before she finishes, ‘sides, plenty of people say we’re like a married couple anyways.’ It’s then that she’s suddenly wide awake, brain catching up with her runaway mouth as she turns fully to Lexi. Small smile dropping as she stares wide eyed at Lexi’s shocked face. Then for a heart stopping moment she can’t read anything off of Lexi’s face, for the first time in so long Bex actually has absolutely no idea what she is thinking. So she starts to panic, starts to wonder if she’s ruined things, and opens her mouth to try and play things off as a joke but Lexi’s quiet voice stops her. ‘Maybe we should’. And Bex blinks, Lexi’s face coming more into focus. She takes in the initially almost hesitant look that quickly disappears as her resolve must grow. The touches of a smile growing, the previously darting eyes now meeting hers, solid and sure. The question must be visible on her face as a sense of disbelief, hope and maybe a touch of wonder swirl inside her. Lexi just gives a single nod, reassuringly solid as she stands, moving around the table and closer to Bex. Nothing could stop the wide grin that grows on Bex’s face, widest and brightest that Lexi had ever had the pleasure of seeing, as Bex also steps towards her. Lexi almost worries about the rest of the world, because something that bright could surely only belong to the sun but she quickly decides that she doesn’t care. No, the rest of the world could remain forever bathed in darkness, whilst she stayed within these four walls with Bex. And the coffee would be absentmindedly places on the table behind as Bex finally reaches Lexi. Lexi quickly searing upwards on her tiptoes to claim Bex’s lips in a kiss before Bex could take any other action.

Now, neither of these involve engagement rings, but I’m not sure that they bother getting them? Cause the resin rings would just have so much weight tied to them, both initially when they got them, and most definitely by the time that proposals happen. So I feel like that kind of emotion would be kinda hard to top. Plus I don’t think they’d have a very long engagement. Nor do I think either would be hugely bothered over having a massive wedding. So I can see them going ‘right so we want to get married, let’s just do it’ and eloping. Road tripping either alone or maybe with some close friends and just doing it. Maybe they do it in Vegas, similar to Poison Ivy and Harley Quinn in the comics. I mean, they both want it, so what’s the sense in waiting? Plus maybe the idea of how people react to the pair returning with matching rings amuses them. Cos you just now that even after they’ve been together for so long (and let’s be real, the pair aren’t exactly hiding their feelings), people still talk about the pair just being really good friends. There’s got to be at least one gossip rag that mirrors that, and tbh the pair love to mess around with them and see how far they can push things before they finally report it correctly. It just calls out to their villainous mischievous sides.

[confused-scientist]

Things I Learned in Med School - Week 109 - 110

Apologies I realise I’ve been even more absent than usual over the past weeks. Things have been pretty crazy for me over the past few weeks and I haven’t really had the chance to sit down and write anything.

So here we go (I can tell this will be a long one so I’ll shove it under a cut)

Basically, at the end of this block our MD research project report is due, and there were a few more results I wanted to get before finishing it up. Honestly, I probably had enough data already without, but this was stuff I had said that I was going to do when I set this project up like 2 years ago, so I really wanted at least an attempt at getting it done.

But this basically meant that I would have to run from clinical to the lab even day for at least a week to get it all done. Luckily I am psych, so it wasn’t too hard to get off earlyish (aka after lunch) but even then I ended up burning the midnight oil more often than not. Was it worth it??..

Then this week it was all about finishing off the draft of the report asap, so I ended up again working until the early morning for most of the week just so I can give it to my very busy supervisor to read through so I have enough time to get it back, edit it and then send it off to my research tutor who also need to look over it before I submit it in… just over 2 weeks time… *gulp*

I also still need to cull a bunch of words… I think I’m still around about 500 over, and I just discovered this week that for every 300 words over you get penalized 10%! (wtf). Anyway, the whole thing has basically dominated my life over the past 2 weeks to be honest (to the detriment of EVERYTHING ELSE).

Luckily CL psych has been pretty awesome placement. The team itself is really good – everyone is really nice and they all seem to get on really well, they are also super happy to teach, answer questions, and give opportunities to do interviews, take notes, present cases and do MSEs/formulations.

And look… while I still don’t think psychiatry is necessarily MY calling, my thoughts on psychiatry have definitely evolved over the past 7 weeks – I’ve gone from dreading to going back on Monday morning (after the first week) to slightly disappointed that its all over. This is reality having two really awesome placements, where I just had teams that were really welcoming and happy to teach.

Finished off my last week of clinical placement with having my observed clinical interview for psych. I wasn’t really planning on having it this week, but my examiner was away so I hastily organized for early Friday.

You know what is really great prep for an observed long case… not sleeping for two weeks.

My patient was a little difficult – they had schizoaffective disorder and were quite thought disordered and also labile… going from positive, liking me and co-operating, to shutting down every single question I asked and asking the examiner whether we were finished, and then back again. As soon as I ended the interview and the patient left the room I realized to my horror that I haven’t done a proper risk assessment… which is basically something you can AUTOMATICALLY fail for.

I ended up flagging it very early during my presentation, and then examiner was like “You know I could fail you straight away for not doing this? But since you flagged it so early I’m going to give you a chance to save yourself.” Cue a 5 min discussion about how I would complete the risk assessment, what was high risk and low risk, what are protective factors… and then he was like “Okay, you survive.”

I actually ended up doing pretty well, but lost a few marks in the history section due to my risk assessment failure… but whatever I am more than happy to be done and dusted.

Only 1 thing left for this year… my Psych exam next week. I can’t wait to be done. Anyway, here are some things I learned in med school this last (two) weeks:

1.��      Blood-injection-injury phobias are unique b/c they have 2 phases – the 1st phase come was an increased heard rate, and the 2nd is a vasovagal reaction leading to a drop in HR, low BP and fainting

2.       Just having 1 friend who abstains from drinking increase the chances of an alcohol user staying sober by 30%

3.       Clozapine is the only anti-psychotic that is clearly more efficacious than any other anti-psychotic

4.       1/4 of all deaths in the age range 15 – 19 in Australia are from suicide

5.       Streptococcal infection is associated with OCD and Tourette's syndrome

Quote of the week:

“They need to rationalize [their] meds. You shouldn’t just use a little bit of this and a pinch of that. It’s not a curry!” – Psych Reg

‘til next week

[redfistblogs-blog]

Filming Days 1-3

     April 6th, 2017.  The first, and well, only scene that we worked on for that day and the next was Roman meeting Nightmare.  It was a 2-minute scene that took 2 days.  It was a fitting scene to start the production, because it had the most Noirish look in the entire episode.  The low-key lighting (with a lot of help from Venetian blinds) and the fog sold that aesthetic.

       While we heavily relied on the storyboard, we improvised some creepy shots on set.  Like the one that pans right with Roman in his office as he searches for the source of Nightmare’s voice, then pans left to show Nightmare now standing in the background.  And the close-up where lightning flashes to fully reveal Nightmare’s mask.

                        Cameraman Dennis Manning suggested this shot.

     Both Raw and Seth asked a lot of questions about their characters.  There were some debates on certain character choices, such as whether or not Nightmare’s cane is magical.  For the record, no one at Red Fist supported this, but for our own amusement (and because it was quicker to do instead of argue about for an hour), obliged the others by filming a quick shot where Roman’s gun is magically forced down by the Magicane.

     Raw was the MVP of the first leg of production.  Every day was a blast with him.  He was also a great mentor and guide for us.  Everybody was excited to meet and talk with him.  (Our technical crew, especially).  When Justin visited, he and Raw immediately hit it off.  He supported Matt every step of the way when being directed by him.  All in all, he was a class act.

                                                   Filming: Day 2

     April 7th, 2017.  The second day actually finished early.  Thank God too, because we were already exhausted from driving the actors to hotels/AirBnb homes and restaurants, and from airports for the last two days.  And there were some sore points on and off set, mainly because of a prima donna attitude.  But any exhaustion and toxicity were no match for the cathartic feeling of filming something unprecedented on multiple fronts.

     First off, this was the first time we had filmed anything of this script, which had been written over a year before.  This was also the first time any of us had worked on a Batman story.  (As lifelong Batman fans, that alone meant everything).  In addition, these first two days marked Red Fist’s inaugural web series (which meant, for the first time ever, professional working actors and a full crew), which dovetails into the fourth front--this was by far our best work at that point (and we were only getting started).

     It was also fun listening to Raw’s stories of working with various people on certain movies.  (He LOVES telling the one about egging on Samuel L. Jackson to cuss him out on the set of “Hateful Eight”).  And, it was cool to learn more about Raw and his developing career.  In between scenes, I even had the pleasure of reading with him for a video audition.

     That said, we didn’t want to say goodbye to Raw so soon; but the next morning, he was heading back home in Philadelphia.  Ben was scheduled to arrive that next morning, to film his scenes with Seth that night.  But who needs schedules when you have severe thunderstorms?

     See, there was a major thunderstorm happening in Atlanta, where Ben’s flight (from North Carolina) had made an emergency stop.  The rest of his flight was cancelled that day.  Over the course of about 24 hours, he was stuck at the airport, struggling to find a different flight, a bus, or rent a car that could get him to St. Louis in time.

     Since I had to get up at 3:30AM to take Raw to the airport, I went to bed earlyish (around 11:30PM).  But then Raw texts me at 3AM, and says for me to get some sleep, because his flight was cancelled too!!!  We were excited that he’d be staying at least another day, and would (maybe) get to meet Ben, but we were also fretting that we’d have to pay another night for a hotel for him, and find a new one on top of that.  (Hotels and flights were the bane of our budget).

                            Our rewards points are useless against him!

     Matt, Ian, and I all got to sleep until 8 the next morning.  And when we woke up, we realized we needed the sleep.  There was a whole new bevy of problems to address.

                                                      Filming: Day 3

     By this point, we were sick of Chipotle, Applebees, and just eating out in general.  The challenge of doing a million jobs is you don’t always get time to make food for every meal.  We don’t go out to eat anymore, so if you want Cheesecake Factory, bring your own.  I mean, nowadays we bring salad, bagels, pasta, beans, rice (you know, healthy stuff).  So screw your cheesecake.

                      I know you like overpriced food, but we ain’t got none!

     Anyway, the third day we didn’t film at Fat Chimp.  Actually, we didn’t even film during the day.  Since Rawn Weasley had to stay an extra night, and couldn’t get another flight till the next day, we had to scramble to find him a new hotel.  Well, we did that in no time; that was easy.  The real challenge actually had nothing to do with Raws al Ghul.

     The storm made its way down to North Carolina, where Ben Curns (Gordon) was.  All flights for that day were cancelled for him.  He was scheduled to film two scenes with Roman.  We couldn’t get Seth Michaels (Roman) back the following weekend (when Ben would’ve been filming more scenes anyway).  On top of finding a hotel for Raw, we also had to help Ben figure out a way to get to St. Louis, because he was still stuck in Atlanta!  The last available flight he had been crossing his fingers to get was cancelled too.  By that point, no bus or train was going to be fast enough.  The only option was rent-a-car, which just wasn’t in our budget (over $100 a day!).  Just like that, Ben, against his will, had to catch the next flight back to North Carolina.

                           Life imitating one of the greatest comedies ever.    

   That meant one thing--rewrites!  Which we had to film that night!  Naturally, Gordon was removed from the city hall scene with Roman.  And we had to tweak Roman’s opening lines from something like, “Gordon’s with me tonight” to “Gordon had a pressing matter so he’ll be here in a little bit”.  Since this show already melded multiple genres (Film Noir, Martial Arts, Gothic Horror), we figured a dash of documentary wouldn’t hurt.  We also had to change the scene where Roman visits Gordon’s office to hand him the file given to him by Nightmare.  Roman was no longer in it, and Gordon’s secretary gives it to him instead.  Like Day 2, Day 3 was shortened to where we filmed Roman’s remaining two scenes at Cathedral.

     And that was so much fun.  A lot of our friends came out for the shoot to be journalists, bodyguards for the mayor, and some just hung out in the background.  Raw was still there, clad in unforgettable yellow sweatpants, a lime green tank top, and an overcoat that I don’t think was even his.  If we were gonna finish the first leg of filming without Ben, I’m glad Raw was there to entertain everyone.

                                 Especially this miles-deep sea of reporters.

Raw’s full get-up was too legendary to be caught on camera, but you get the idea.  (On the right is also our friend, actor Adam Flowers).

     All of the footage we needed from Raw and Seth was in the can, and we could finally take a breather before next week’s filming.  Well, almost...