#and it’s all doomed and heartbreaking queer love

[toastby-4s]

I need advice. All of the characters and fandoms that have left lasting impressions on me have been ones that are both super gay and heart wrenchingly tragic. The only problem is that they all seem to be mlm centric, so asking for a friend: is there a secret wlw one that’s been alluding me all of these years? Any Gay and Sad recs?

[specialagentartemis]

godddddd i have disliked becky chambers' work since long way to a small angry planet and I agree that that fish scene is SO much of what is wrong with contemporary SFF especially queer SFF. refreshing take, great review, thank you. would love to hear what authors or works you think of as the antidote to that sensibility.

The thing is, I enjoyed The Long Way to a Small Angry Planet when I first read it - it was a fun, light adventure, clearly a debut novel but I was excited to see where Chambers would go from there. And I actually really do think the sequel, A Closed and Common Orbit, was good! It did interesting things with AI personhood and identity.

... and then Chambers just kinda. Did not get better. She settled into a groove and has a set number of ideas that I feel like she hasn't broken out of, creatively. And they I M O kind of rest on an assumption that "human nature" = "how people act in suburban California."

As an antidote to that sensibility, I'd say... books where people have a real interrelationship with the land they inhabit, a sense of being present, and reciprocal obligations to that land; books that recognize that some things can never be taken back once done; books with well-drawn characters, where people have strong opinions deeply informed by their circumstances, that can't always be easily reconciled with others, and won't be brushed aside; books where these character choices matter, they impact each other, they cannot be easily gotten over, because people have obligations to each other and not-acting is a choice too.

And it's only fair that after all day of being a Hater I should rec some books I really did like.

Piranesi by Susanna Clarke - A man lives alone in an infinite House, over an equally infinite ocean. Captures the feeling that I think Monk & Robot was aiming for. Breathtaking beauty, wonder at the world, philosophy of truth, all that good stuff, and actually sticks the landing. The main character's love, attention, and care to his fantasy environment shows through in every page. (Fantasy, short novel)

Imperial Radch by Ann Leckie - An AI, the one fragment remaining of a destroyed imperial spaceship, is on a quest for revenge. Leckie gets cultural differences and multiculturalism, and conversely, what the imposition of a homogeneous culture in the name of unity means. (Space sci-fi, novel trilogy)

Machineries of Empire by Yoon Ha Lee - An army captain's insubordination is punished by giving her a near-impossible mission: to take down a rebelling, heretical sect holing up in a space fortress and defying imperial power. She gets a long dead brain-ghost of a notorious criminal downloaded into her head to help. Very, very good at making you feel like every doomed soldier was a person with a past, with a family, with feelings, with hopes and dreams and frustrations and favorites and preferences and reasons to live, right before they brutally die in a space war. Also very much about the imposition of homogeneity of culture as a force of imperialism. (Space sci-fi, novel trilogy)

The Fortunate Fall by Cameron Reed - Maya Andreyevna is a VR journalist in high-tech dystopian future Russia, and she decides to investigate the truth that the government doesn't want her to. She might die trying. It's fine. Also has digital brain-sharing, this time in a gay way. It's bleak. It's sad. It feels real. Not making a choice is a choice. Backing out is a choice. And choices have consequences. Choices reverberate through history. About responsibility. (Cyberpunk, novel)

The Vanished Birds by Simon Jimenez - Nia Imani is a spaceship captain, a woman out of time, a woman running from her past, and accidentally adopts a boy who has a strange power that could change the galaxy. Spaceship crew-as-found-family in the most heartbreaking of ways. Also about choices, how the choices you make and refuse to make shape you and shape the world around you. How the world is always changing around you, how the world does not stay still when you're gone, and when you come back you're the same but the world has moved on around you. About how relationships aren't always forever, and that doesn't mean they weren't important. About responsibility to others. It's a slow, sad book and does not let anyone rest on their laurels, ever. There is no end of history here. Everything is always changing, on large scales and small, and leaving you behind. (Space sci-fi, novel)

Dungeon Meshi / Delicious in Dungeon by Ryoko Kui - A D&D style fantasy dungeon crawl that stops to think deeply about why there are so many dungeons full of monsters and treasure just hanging around. Here because it's an example of an author thinking through her worldbuilding a lot, and it mattering. Also because of the characters' respect for the animals they are are killing and eating, their lives and their place in the ecosystem, and the ways that humans both fuck up ecosystems with extraction and tourism, but also the ways that you can have reciprocal relationships of responsibility and care with the ecosystem you live in, even if it's considered a dangerous one. (Fantasy, manga series)

Stories of Your Life and Others by Ted Chiang and How Long 'Til Black Future Month by N. K. Jemisin and Everyone on the Moon is Essential Personnel by Julian K. Jarboe - Short story anthologies that were SO good and SO weird and rewired the way I think. If you want the kind of stuff that is like, the opposite of easy-to-digest feel-good pap, these short stories will get into your brain and make you consider stuff and look at the world from new angles. Most of them aren't particularly upbeat, but there's a lot of variety in the moods.

"Homecoming is Just Another Word for the Sublimation of the Self," "Calf Cleaving in the Benthic Black," and "Termination Stories for the Cyberpunk Dystopia Protagonist" by Isabel J. Kim - Short stories, sci-fi mostly, that twist around in my head and make me think. Kim is very good at that. Also about choices and not-making-choices, about going and staying, about taking the easy route or the hard one, about controlling the narrative.

The Murderbot Diaries by Martha Wells - Security robot with guns in its arms hacks itself free from its oppressive company, mostly wants to half-ass its job but gets sucked into drama, intrigue, and caring against its better judgement. This is on here because 1) I love it 2) I feel like it does for me what cozy sff so frequently fails to do - it makes me feel seen and comforted. It's hopeful and compassionate and about personal growth and finding community and finding one's place in the world, without brushing aside all problems or acting like "everybody effortlessly just gets along" is a meaningful proposal. also 3) because it is one of the few times I have yet seen characters from a hippie, pacifistic, eco-friendly, welcoming, utopian society actually act like people. The humans from Preservation are friendly, helpful, and motivated by truth and justice and compassion, because they come from a friendly, just, compassionate society, and they still actually act like real human beings with different personalities and conflicting opinions and poor reactions to stress and anger and frustration and fear and the whole range of human emotions rather than bland niceness. Also 4) I love it (space sci-fi, novella series mostly)

[uthseikoashx-goingmyway]

things in IWTV season 2 i'd lose my mind if it actually happens (or when. because some of those things will happen.). sorry for the mistakes btw

1. Claudeleine romantic relationship

Claudia finally having a vampire lover she can be herself with. the romantic & sexual tension. the heart to heart Louis and Claudia would have before changing Madeleine. the yearning. the tragic ending. the change of dynamics in the De Pointe du Lac family. the disruption of it all.

2. an exploration of Armand's relationship to religion, faith and God

specially in 2022. past religious crisis. how he articulates his vampire nature, his faith and his despair. lots of hints of TVA. God and art. religion, Armand and Louis. his religion (conversion from being christian to being muslim in this universe? if so, why?). "i serve, a God," would you mind to develop?

3. dramatic irony about Daniel's past and Devil's Minion

the rent boy. Daniel actually realising he had been a dick about that. "oh." after understanding the irony of it all. Armand talking in riddles and hinting at something Daniel is totally ignorant of. young Daniel's life and messy, loving and weird relationship with Armand. some activism. 2022 Daniel getting old, sicker and sicker. laughs. angst. tension. yearning. longing stares. petty remarks. revelations.

4. Loumand complex relationship

the love and the suffering. how they are both deeply attached to each other. how they show their care. the place Lestat holds right in the middle. how they deal with Claudia's death. what Louis really thinks about it. the tension. the yearning. how their relationship actually developed. the extent of Louis' memory alteration and how it plays a role into their dynamics. the after: how Armand helped Louis. messy divorce vibes. petty moves. to what extent their relationship is doomed. how one person can love several persons and in different ways, and how complex and delicate it is.

5. The Groan™

what is that. a metaphor for sexual arousal? Lestat scratching the walls? Rashid trapped? some clues. what the fuck.

6. Antoinette alive and kicking

and coming back right on time for the trial, because it would be 1) so fucking funny 2) utterly tragic, considering Claudia would be killed for killing nobody.

7. amazing outfits

amazing outfits

8. lots of french

i'm french

9. Claudia and Armand's relationship

Claudia being protective of Louis. Armand dealing with it. some sort of bond rivalry. both of them aware that something's wrong with the other. Armand and Claudia's similarities being acknowledged (age, killing a human they loved — Charlie, Ricardo — and complex situation regarding their maker), even a possibility for some kind of understanding and compassion (making the end more tragic). Armand seeing a some of Lestat in Claudia. Claudia seeing Armand's love for Lestat. a common love for theater and spectacular shows. that awful experience before Claudia's death.

10. Louis and memories

the photos he takes (where are they in 2022? will they clash with Louis' tale?). the metatextual dimension of themes such as: unreliable narration, memories and perspective, autofiction. Daniel calling out Louis' avoiding strategies. Louis calling out Daniel's rudeness and biais. how Louis really sees his relationship with Claudia? the gap between Louis' and Armand's recalling. a deeper exploration of his superimposed identities (black, queer, american man; in 1940, 1973, 2022). learning how to trust someone new after being abused. the rain metaphors. Louis saying the most poetic and heartbreaking thing you'll ever heard. his relationship to vampirism as he joins Armand's coven. grief and loss of a family member. hallucinations and how they are filmed / manifesting. guilt. loving Claudia and Armand. loving Lestat, still. etc.

tysm for coming to my tedtalk. it was very self-indulgent but very much pleasant. i won't be mad if it doesn't happen (obviously!), or not like i imagine. still, it's fun to imagine and put that here on tumblr. no shame on lestat, i just have no special things i'm waiting for about him, and will be very happy indeed to see him again. salut

[so-that-was-okay]

So, 807 and the future of Bucktommy.

This is an open door. And I even want to think Tim & Co always had a plan. The breakup was planned but not final. Buck is pining, he's not depressed to the point of being broken but he is heartbroken. Tommy's constantly on his mind and he'd have called him if Hen and Eddie didn't stop him (which is also part of the classic romance storyline).

What really hijacked this story is those damn interviews presented as exit interviews. They were made to make us believe Lou was definitely done with 911, meaning Tommy was completely written off the show. Without them, no one would have known Lou was off the show for the rest of the half season. We'd have waited for Tommy to appear, and we'd have seen Lou reappear on SWAT, thinking he's doing both. Buddie journos disrupted the show's narrative.

Now that that's passed, what is the show telling us? It's telling us Buck is not over Tommy. It's telling us he's not ready to date someone else right now. He's lonely and he wants Tommy back. It won't happen in 808, I'm not even sure they'll mention Tommy again in next episode because that's the thing: in a classic romance storyline, Buck will now enter the "look at me, I can live without him" phase. He'll try to move on. I can see him go on a couple of dates (maybe during the hiatus or even in 808) with nice people but his heart is nowhere near ready for that even if the distraction is welcome.

Which leads us to 8b and the next phase of the romance storyline. Something should happen that makes them cross path again. On a call? Maybe at first. If they really write that as a typical romcom, then it's all awkwardness, nervous smiles and an irremediable attraction. They never parted by a lack of love or attraction. Tommy left because he already loved Buck too much too soon. But it's also 911. If they see each other once on a call, next time should be a lot more dramatic (chopper crash my beloved), which would lead to their eventual reunion.

It's a stretch but this is what could, and maybe should, happen. 8b is made for their reunion. If we completely forget the interviews, everything is perfectly rolling. It's sad for us, and heartbreaking, but that's the point. That's how romance is done. Hell, they could even cross path while they're both on a date with someone else and things would be so weird (and Buck would be jealous without admitting it of course).

Now, that could also be the delusion talking but we deserve to imagine a reconciliation storyline. We're almost owed it. We're tired of the doomed queers, the lonely, the loveless, the forever single best friend clown of the group. They're already trapping HenRen in a mother storyline with no character development left (I miss Hen and her personal ambition), at least let us have bi Buck living the love he deserves with someone who actually cares about him.

We need to continue being (respectfully) loud about them. The GA joined us, we're not being delusional on that point. If the GA is also disappointed then it means something. It's a lot bigger than just a shipper tantrum. Buck and Tommy are meaningful as a couple for a lot of people.

[bidisaster-peanut-romano]

Throughout the entire game, who do you think are some of the most underrated or under-appreciated characters?

stumbling into the askbox whyyy hello there!!! it had been a while!!

OKAY SO. let's start from one fact: every. single. character has something special about them. so like the easy answer is... anyone, lmao. truth be told we (the whole community) has been around for llke, 18 years (WOAH) and some sides are completely unexplored. even just from the idea that... have you guys ever noticed how little content there is around about nerds and jocks, for exmple? and i don't only mean art but also writing, analysis, metas, thoughts and such. not to mention the townies, the townies, when, having some of them been given some actually adult attributes, there would be a lot to unpack.

i feel like this is a) mostly for the nerds, that the rightful fisgust for the horrible thing they did to mandy discourages a lot from engaging with them as characters too, and b) because they are quite overshadowed by the fan favorite preps and greasers. which, i mean, very legit. but i think that they do have a lot of potential, again, in terms of characterization and themes, and i feel like we are collectively missing out on a lot.

and there's also the fact that, even with the fan-favorites, there is so little tapping into the more serious and sometimes mature aspects. i wouldn't say christy is neglected by the fandom, but it's not often that i read someone talking about her repressed anger that explodes whenever she feels too much, that heirloom of her father that of curse she doesn't have, she isn't a problem boy like her brother, what do you mean with that, i could use this tie to strangle you goddammit! or vance, that we all love as the sunshine jokester of the greaser and heartbreaker queer icon, but how come none of us ever mention him having a canonical addiction, and what if his messy dating habits have to do with that, too? what if he's running from something inside himself, rushing to next best thing just so he can feel something?

but this is just me rambling as an introduction oops. so, just trying to list a couple of my favorites:

thad carlson (& dan wilson) (putting them together bc they're intrinsecally connected and while i do stand by the fact that he's wildly underappreciated in the fandom i would hit dan in the face with a brick): i would lterally give my first born for these two. they are what they actually wanted to write when they wrote about cain and abel. i'm not sure what is the exact reason why they have different last names, and i don't wanna enter headcanon territory here. what it does unavoidably indicate, though, is that they were doomed from the start. like it was written in their names. so, picture this: they were in the nerds together. they suffered the bullying, the abuse together. the humiliation tasted like blood in their mouths and shone like the stars they'd see with their heads smashed in a locker, but at least they knew their brother would've been there to hold them. there's something very visceral about suffering together with a brother. like the blood they share creates somewhat of a shell, one that can protect them from what is outside, that can give them the comfort that they will never be alone. whether they like it or not, their brother will forever be with them; it's inside them. except that thad had the rage of a wounded animal; dan had the fear of a small prey. so, while thad kept standing tall and proud and chin high against his bullies, dan started training and morphing until he could be accepted in the jocks. dan wasn't the bullied anymore. he was the bully. while his brother was still on the other side of the war- the side of the eternal losers, that is. the side that, no matter how many battles they will win, they will always be at a disadvantage. so thad has got all the hurt of having been betrayed by a half of himself, like the phantom pain of a lost limb. and the hurt makes him angrier and angrier and when he wants to take revenge on the jocks his brother is the first target he wants, because, see, he is the victim, his brother is cain who has killed abel. but also dan has got his head on backwards to look out for enemies and for anyone who might uncover him as the fraud he is, the way he just thought- they are just bullying me for what i am, so what if i become someone different? except that it's not like he didn't feel like a loser anymore, he just feels like a loser with a football sweater. so at that point you look at the direction of that violence, at where the anger and the resentment lies, and you stop there and wonder. who's cain there? who's gonna be the victim, who the executioner? like nathaniel orion said, "i want to kill him sometimes. i think sometimes he wants to die". i love them ur honor.

otto tyler: i have no literal idea why there is so so so little about him. admittedly, content about townies is in gnereal harder to track down, since they have... no last names.... for the most part. but the otto tag is absolutely desolated. this boy is what you'd call too angry to be this young. his first response to anything is extreme violence and fantasies of it. playing his audios you will be met with die, kill, die, kill, kill, die, die. and all of his vitriol is poured on the school, like they have all come together specifically to hunt him down. and he's been canonically hospitalized, as well; when you walk in the asylum for the first time (galloway away i believe) he tells you not to "anger the watcher"- but who is this watcher? the composition of the scene seems to implies it is the statue in the courtyard; the most coherent correspondence would be the orderlies you will have to avoid as you walk past them; maybe otto himself has just been told not to anger the watcher by the people who are supposed to take care of him, but that are just playing with his mind to make him too afraid not to behave. which, incidentally, doesn't sound too different from what he might have suffered at school. otto will ask you if you have ever punched a wall. he will swear he hates everyone in the school, that everyone in the school hated him, he will threaten to destroy it. otto is a landmine, he's an unstable kid who just needed some ground to stand on, and instead they placed him all alone on a shaking earth. all is anger is desperation, it's having spent too much time without a support system, too much time bound -to a chair, in a cell, in a straitjacket- surrounded by people who couldn't understand him. who stifled his expression instead of channeling all the feelings he had all the time, exploding and intense in an overwhelming and violent way. i like to think of him as an artist. he mentions tattoos; i like to imagine he's learning to do them himself. that he's finding that as an outlet for his expression. and yeah overall. i am a lot fond of otto, and i think he would have a lot to say.

mr. wiggins: look, this guy is super unlucky. he's the only teacher with no class minigame; he's only ever walking around, and if you saw him you probably mistook him for the more familiar mr. matthews. but believe me when i tell you he's a real one. example 1: when someone snithces to him, he says something along the lines of "thank you, but i will never be able to trust you again". BRO. let me tell you, in 1968 this guy was OUT on his college campus and he was MARCHING and RIOTING with workers and students. he even mentions having spent a night or two in JAIL. he will walk into class and say the nastiest things about reagan while he keeps saying that as a teacher he will have to be politically neutral as if he didn't just have a fight with hattrick about socialism.

[theresattrpgforthat]

THEME: Biblically Accurate Angels

@wokewerewolfagainstcapitalism I am not re-blogging the original post because I don't want to subject my followers involuntarily to the whole thing

although for the exceptionally curious I will still link to the post so they know the context.

BUT, I was surprised (and delighted) to find that there's actually a number of games that kind of fall into this wheelhouse!

I’m considering fallen angels as biblically accurate angels for this request; and there are certainly angels on this list that aren’t really biblically accurate, although there are some fun vibes.

Demon: The Descent, by Onyx Path.

Angels are everywhere. They are under the everyday world, behind it, beyond it. They are sent by the God-Machine to enact its will through time and space, delivering messages, building infrastructure, protecting some people, killing others. You were one of those angels… But not anymore. Now you are one of the Unchained, a fallen angel who defected to the human race. Yours is a world of false identities and clockwork conspiracies, stolen faces and hidden works of the Machine. 

Demon: The Descent is set in a world where God is a machine, and Its goals are inscrutable and yet definitely not good for mankind. You have chosen to side with humans - and have therefore lost your angelic status, although you still maintain powers beyond human comprehension. If you’re looking for characters that can strike the fear of… well something into the hearts of those who see them, this is a game that you might want to check out - because your demonic forms in Demon: The Descent have the potential to be truly horrifying if you’re willing to look beyond the veil.

Also, if you want more “biblical” demons, Demon: The Fallen is the old-school parent of this game, about Christian angels being cursed and deciding to fight back.

Feathers, by Thursday Garreau.

Feathers is a game about fallen angels looking for meaning and comfort in our world, using Avery Alder's Belonging Outside Belonging system. It's diceless, GMless, intimate, and very, very queer, for 2-3 players, designed to be played in a single session.

Much of the setting of this game is left up to the table that you play with; did you land in a small town? Did you know each-other before you fell? What time of year is it? The characters have all experienced different forms of heartbreak, but each archetype is provided with tools to help you get the happy ending that you hope for. Because the game is inspired by Belonging outside Belonging, you also each play as an element of the the world or the story, such as the Vibrant Flock, The Imperfect Vessel, or Handmade Deities.

This game is very poetic and evocative, and it’s also currently part of the TTRPG’s for Palestine bundle that’s going on right now. I definitely think that you should check it out.

His Red Hand, by Carrie Imago.

HIS RED HAND is a 3-player tragedy about fallen angels, built on Jay Dragon's Nameless Engine. 

This game was designed for the Trans Fucking Rage Jam, a game jam for trans creators back in 2022. It's specifically for three players, so I think it's a good game for three friends who know each-other well.

In this game, you are each characters but also threats. Your characters are doomed; you decide exactly how they die. You will watch as the things that you love, the things that keep you safe, are ripped away from you. You will be asked to turn on the pieces of your very soul, so if you want a game that is all about sticking the knife in and twisting as hard as you can, this is the game for you.

Angels and Devils, by Sascha Pogacar.

It is the eternal struggle of angels and devils for souls. Everything is placed on one sheet to experience endless stories together with a few friends.

This is a competitive game, with half of the players being angels, and the other half being demons. It reminds me a little bit of the Screwtape Letters and a little bit of Good Omens; the demons tempt mortals using the 7 Mortal Sins, while the Angels rely on the 7 Cardinal Virtues. This is a short game; it requires a regular deck of playing cards and a few hours, and that’s about it!

Halos & Hellfire, by Jason Tocci.

THEY HAVE BEEN CALLED ANGELS & DEMONS, the Heavenly Host and the Fallen Legions, the holy and unholy armies secretly locked for eons in THE WAR over the fate of humanity. These days, though, they mostly just call themselves messengers. It draws less attention when complaining about work over beers.

Halos & Hellfire is a hack of Lasers & Feelings and inspired by In Nomine, fitting on two sides of a single letter-size page. It includes rules for creating celestial beings, handling divine interventions, buying advancements with superiors' favor, and performing ever-risky miracles (adapted from the magic rules from Sorcerers & Sellswords). 

I’m really enjoying some of the character aspects you can choose for your heavenly form in this one; some of your options include many-eyed, Formless, and Leonine. Sometimes I forget that biblically accurate angels can be furries too.

Anyways, this is another Lasers & Feelings hack, with a single number representing both your strengths and your weaknesses, with a setting that can be twisted or changed in order to fit the kind of story you want to tell. There’s a little more to play with in this game than a typical Lasers & Feelings hack, with special rules about miracles, doing battle, and other character options that you can choose to add in order to give you more tools to play around with, including a method for character advancement if you want to play this for more than one session.

Relics: A Game of Angels, by Tin Star Games.

Trapped on Earth. Surrounded by Enemies. Desperate for Answers.

God has gone and the Gates of Heaven have slammed shut, leaving angels and demons abandoned on the mortal world. Their powers, long trapped in physical objects, now begin to awaken and the cold war between the two sides erupts into a arms race to control all of creation. A desperate, brutal battle will be waged in the present on the secrets of the past. 

Relics: A Game of Angels is a roleplaying game in a world inspired by Wings of Desire, Dogma and The Prophecy. Players take the role of angels who have lived on earth for hundreds or thousands of years. The unique memory system allows you to build an ever-growing backstory as you play, making you the unreliable narrator of your own past. Plus the simple Tarot-card system makes gameplay simple and fast, with characters made in just minutes.

The angels in this game aren’t necessarily biblically accurate, but it does focus on the conflict between heaven and hell. The game uses a deck of tarot cards for resolutions, and your character backstories are written as you play. The setting is heavily urban fantasy, so I think if you like Buffy the Vampire Slayer or perhaps Dresden Files, you might like this game.

War in Heaven, by milo v3.

One page rpg where you play a constellation of angels that are trading stories among each other about the rebellion that is brewing in Heaven. Requires at least 3 six sided dice to play.

This game actually uses scriptural references to describe parts of your angels! Character creation includes determining your Eye, your Gate, and your Wings, each of which determines something about your character’s secret desires and hopes. The game takes place over a series of turns, where rumours about a rebellion grow, while your Angels talk to each-other about what they think of the conflict, and confront & comfort each-other over the upset that might result in Paradise Lost for them all.

Also…

If you want to be alien and unknowable, and possibly even strike fear in the hearts of those who lay their eyes upon you, even if you’re not really an angel, may I suggest: Star-Spawned, by @prokopetz?

[thunderandsage]

books read in 2024, with notes

Problém tří těles (The Three Body Problem), Liou Cch'-sin

loved it, beautiful suspense, the video game aspect was very cool, felt that the last section where we see the trisolarans’ perspective makes it better thematically but weakens the dread that was so prevalent otherwise

Arabian Nights, transl. Haddawy

delightful, had some extremely raunchy parts that i wasn’t expecting, honestly it’s fascinating to see the convergence of so many literary impulses side by side

Červotoč (Carcoma), Layla Martínez

a shorter weird horror about cycles of trauma in three generations of women in a house with skeletons both metaphorical and literal within its walls

Kluci ze hřbitova (Cemetery Boys), Aiden Thomas

the plot was a bit predictable but the romance was sweet and yes, i did cry at the end a bit

Děti duny (Children of Dune), Frank Herbert

honestly i think herbert really struck gold with his writing of sibling relationships, the contrast of alia and paul’s dooms and leto ii and ghanima’s adventures were the highlight here

Lolita, Vladimir Nabokov

for a “problematic novel” i felt that nabokov does an excellent job of reminding us of hh’s monstrosity even if it is told directly through his pov, loved the literary references from edgar allan poe to carmen—always elegant but with the edge of almost satirizing intellectualism itself

The Argonauts, Maggie Nelson

honestly a perfect book to read even when you’re feeling burnt out—the nonlinear and rambling style makes it very interesting to read without taxing you too much, and the discussions of queerness and sexuality and art were throughly enjoyable

Entangled Life, Merlin Sheldrake

love this chaotic mess of a man, who’ll tell you about the chemical structures and scientific methods on one page and then describe taking lsd and brazenly admitting to apple theft on the next

The Wounded Sky, Diane Duane

as a fan of duane’s young wizards series, this is a fascinating window into the transition from her star trek novels to original writing, the banter is infectious, the alien characters delightful and the scifi jargon jargoning

EDIT: the lovely Ms. Duane herself clarified that the original fiction came first, my bad!

Binti: Home, Nnedi Okorafor

as a fan of the first book who felt that more time was needed to explore binti’s trauma, this book gives that narrative its space, and also delivers an honestly heartbreaking story about returning home but it’s not home not really because you changed but you love it but did it love you or did it only tolerate you when you fit its ideas of who you should be? the line “you used to be such a beautiful girl” made me bawl

The Devourers, Indra Das

the simple version of the summary is “iwtv but werewolves in mughal (?) era india,” it does fall into the trap of trying to make things edgy by indulging in game of thrones-style “grit”, but at the same time its a dream-like exploration of legacy and queerness

Wild Seed, Octavia Butler

a reread technically, but still holds up, butler does not hold back when it comes to fucked up power dynamics and the implications of having powers tied to genetics, anyanwu and doro remain some of the most fascinating depictions of immortals

Mind of My Mind, Octavia Butler

a shorter and more transitional work, i feel there could have been more detailing of the patternist society but on the other hand we see doro get his just desserts and it is amazing after all the shit he pulled in wild seed

Clay’s Ark, Octavia Butler

butler’s attempt at writing a horror slasher?

Bluets, Maggie Nelson

dreamy and indulgent, i generally just really love how nelson mixes up intellectualism and horniness like a cocktail and makes it amazing

Vicious, V.E. Schwab

amazingly paced with wonderful asshole characters, featuring a found family that probably shouldn’t have found each other and unapologetic vengeful sentiments

Fahrenheit 451, Ray Bradbury

if you can ignore the voice in your head chanting “i would have done a better job hiding the books than montag,” this is an honestly life-changing examination of the importance of literacy??? the montag and beatty argument made me start annotating like i was in ap lit again

The Canterbury Tales, Geoffrey Chaucer

stories so bright and vivid you’ll be mad that movies purporting to be “realistic depictions of medieval times” are always gray and misery-filled

When We Cease to Understand the World (Un Verdor Terrible), Benjamín Labatut

while the “prussian blue” chapter remains my favorite, the whole thing is a really good examination of the tangle of scientific progress and human atrocities, though the titular chapter did drag on and verge more on “melodramatic biopic” territory rather than the dry menippean satire that the rest of the book is

[britney-rosberg06]

Okay but imagine the Earth-shattering heartbreak that comes to Kimi and Ollie when they move up to Formula 1 and have to call things off. They're not teammates anymore, and even if they aren't exactly racing each other (the Mercedes is bad, but not Haas bad) it's probably a conflict of interests to be dating. Not to mention all the additional responsibilities they have that take up their time, the extra training, and then there's the media. Kimi especially struggles to find anything that resembles privacy, and if word got out that they were queer - let alone /dating/, there's no telling what would happen. The heartbreak of knowing it's ending not because they aren't in love with each other, but because they aren't allowed to be. They can't be anymore. One race, Kimi takes a grid penalty for a new gearbox and he's starting on the same row as Ollie. There's a big crash into the first turn and they're both caught up in it. Shaken from the accident, they catch each other's eyes, and there's a moment of worry for the other. A moment of longing. A moment of love. They both have to quickly hide it, but it's a painful reminder that they'll never move on from each other. First loves, and last loves.

i’m sick i’m sick

They’re doomed no matter what.

Either they break up before f1 and suffer through the longing, right person wrong time for as long as they live. Or they try their best to avoid the reality of their situation and suffer through being forced apart.

Or. They let the love sit between them like a loaded gun. Staring it down the whole 2024 season, neither having the courage to grab the metaphorical gun and admit their love,

So they let it sit and it doesn’t simmer down and don’t do anything about it. So when they get to f1 they are so overcome with longing it takes everything for them to not run to each other. So they run away instead. Stop talking during the weekends, not hanging out anymore, avoiding each other. They crash into each other and a casual viewer would see anger.

The fans think they’re mad at each other. Ruining the race for the both of them. But no. They’re in love with each other, they always have been and they always will be.

But they can’t.

and they’ll never be able to be.

And they have to deal with the idea that they could’ve loved and lost, could’ve fired that gun back at Prema and dealt with the consequences later. or was it better to never lose and love from afar, unable to even look at each other anymore.

[shores-of-oblivion]

God how do I even start this.

So I'm doing my yearly rewatch of Evangelion as one depressed artist does, and I noticed some similarities in the concept of the Human Instamentality project and the Artifact ending.

The Human Instamentality project is, as simply as I can manage because Eva is dense and Like That, a plan to kick-start the next phase of evolution and combine all of humanity into a single god-like entity. The shadowy organization of Seele wants to do this to ascend humanity into a perfect, content being, while Gendo Ikari, the main characters father, wants to do this so he can be reunited with his wife. While I am loathe to compare the two on account of Elster being a perfect sweet angel who I adore and Gendo being just the fucking worst, both are willing to perform an esoteric/biblical rite involving death and the sacrifice of oneself, as well as ushering in the apocalypse, all so they can see their loved one again.

The description of the Key of Sacrifice, one of three needed to unlock the artifact ending, has these incredibly biblical descriptions/quotes on it that sort of started me down this absurd rabbit hole. And I mean that very literally, it reads like something right out of Revelations. A third of all life in the sea dies, a star falls to the sea and thunder like the trumpet of angels sounds. This doesn't paint a happy picture to me, but one full of death and doom and the end times. It feels apocalyptic.

And, when the Instrumentality project is finally started, everyone turns into Sunny D and becomes a single entity, something which is also described in Signalis but with a flesh theme. Everyone breaks down and becomes one with each other while our main character struggles with their identity while confronting horrors both divine and man-made. In Eva it takes a more introspective look with Shinji, and in Signalis it's eldritch horror.

The other two keys are Love and Eternity. Love is Ariane speaking of teaching Elster to dance and falling in love with her, and Eternity openly tells us that we will never have all the answers. Only heartbreak awaits us. Maybe I'm just being a depressed artist, I'll gladly wear that crown, but my current thoughts are that while the Artifact ending does see Elster and Ariane dance together again, it comes at such an incredible cost. All three keys together paint a depressing picture for me.

And as a further note of comparison between Signalis and Eva, the Rebuild series is all about retelling the story of Neon Genesis Evangelion with some minor differences at the start before wildly diverging with a different ending and outcome for the world and the characters while using a bunch of reoccuring imagery and playing with the idea that this story has happened multiple times. And every telling of the story is big on themes of identity and personhood and figuring out who you are. Which, y'know, plays a big part in Elsters journey. And I don't think this is me reaching, the false ending directly references episode 26 of NGE and Shinjis struggle with his own identity as an individual, and the steam page credits Hideaki Annos work as a source of inspiration.

ALSO both use dream sequences and feature sad queer characters having a rough fucking time on trains, both use horror imagery with the main artificial humanoids around the 2/3 mark, both have endings which feature a beach, I'm loosing my mind.

You watch one messy mecha anime as a teenager and it fucking ruins your life. I need to go lie down.

[jiminsproof]

tag game 📺

I was tagged by Heather @summerwave to list 10 TV shows so that you besties could get to know me better! Thank you my dear, hope that this week has been good to you so far 💗🫂

Here goes:

Hannibal (nobody is surprised). I'm obsessed with this series, I know dialogues by heart, probably my ultimate favourite. I don't even know how many times I watched it but it's a LOT. Especially season 3, my favourite (where does the difference between the past and the future come from? ... mine? before you and after y- [gets dragged off stage])

Good Omens. I have just recently watched season 2 and it ripped my heart out in the best way possible!! I loved it, very cathartic, can't wait for s3 to fix this mess though 😭

Fleabag. Another TV series that I've watched very recently but moved me in many ways! Really heartbreaking and hilarious at the same time!!

The Untamed. One of the best character development I've seen! I loved how everyone got to explain their side of things, it was very refreshing and interesting to see. ALSO LAN XICHEN IS MY CHILD (and Wuxian obviously, mental illness bisexual king, also shoutout to the best line ever aka: If I am doomed to death, then I could at least be killed by you, that would be worth it 💯💯💯😧😧😧🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥 ATE. PEAK ROMANCE)

Killing Eve. I hated the ending but I loved the series for most of it! And I especially loved Eve's journey in this, it was so fascinating to watch her change!

Bad Buddy. Such an amazing TV series aka modern (and gay) retelling of Romeo and Juliet!

Word of Honor. I honestly think this series (similarly to The Untamed) has one of the best character development I've ever seen and it makes up for all its (more technical) shortcomings. I love the main characters and how they do not truly fit the hero archetype! Very refreshing. Heartbreaking in many ways, also fascinating female characters. It's all about unconditional love bro and breaking free of the harmful patterns created by a traumatic past- [gets booed, leaves in shame]

Love is Blind. Had to add in something silly as well 🤣 It's a reality show in which people fall in love not seeing each other. I will never understand straight people, this show is hilarious. I watch it for the memes

Sharp Objects. Incredible show with just the best female characters and allusions to mythology. Deals with a lot of dark topics and has an amazing plot twist! I loved its atmosphere.

Heartstopper. Despite having watched it only recently, I absolutely loved its depiction of queerness! Especially the refreshing treatment of bisexuality, which sometimes is lost even in BL dramas I've watched so far. Lovely!

Honourable mentions: Crash Landing on You, Kinnporsche, Vincenzo, It's Okay not to be Okay

Tagging some of my lovelies and giving each and every one of you the biggest hug!! 🫂 Also no pressure: @aprylynn, @blueside-hobi, @cordiallyfuturedwight, @kimchokejin, @banghwa, @india-stoker, @lyubins, @nodtnutthasid, @platypusplayhere, @raplinenthusiasts, @seraphjimin, @young-jae. 💗

[wastelandroses]

A love letter to Young Royals...

Sobbed through the final minutes of the last episode... Young Royals has stuck with me since the summer it came out, during the three emotionally challenging years of lukio and now both are ending.

It’s an odd feeling that a show has faintly illustrated a whole chapter in my life, but along the way I’ve grown and learned about myself and my identity too. The series felt like a rock I could fall back on whenever I was struggling and needed and escape.

Young Royals is a gut-wrenching and a heartwarming series about queer love and intimacy, friendship, redemption and forgiveness, media scrutiny, class differences, prejudice and privilege, grief, generational trauma, mental health and so much more. It’s a story about broken families and flawed people. It has a happy ending.

I love the rawness and humanity of the portrayal of the world, its characters, the relationships and moments they share. I have grown to care about these characters and their arcs so much. It has taught me a lot too.

The series is about Wille choosing himself, his happiness and health over living in an institution that would’ve eventually led to his doom. It’s about Simon gaining his voice back and being heard by people he loves most. It’s about Felice not giving in the pressure of oppressive hierarchies, standing up for herself and staying with people who care about the real her. It’s about Sara stumbling but getting up again, wanting to grow and learning to love herself after having wronged her loved ones. It’s about August feeling and then losing the slightest taste of what could’ve been if he hadn’t chosen revenge over healing. Poetic justice.

It’s about choices.

It’s about platonic and familial love. It’s about romantic love. The writing built Wilmon’s story not just as a romance but also something worth rooting for. Their love is about about rejecting old heteronormative traditions and rebuilding worldviews. It’s about a person who loves you unconditionally, is your best friend and soulmate despite setbacks. It’s about creating a safe space with someone to express feelings and be yourself. It's about heartbreak, longing and desire. It’s about communication, authenticity and comfort. It’s about respect and growth as a person. It’s about love.

And it’s never over. A new fresh chapter has started for all of us, including the characters.

Young Royals has helped me to come into touch with my emotions and be more honest with myself. I’ve had to reconstruct certain believes and unfair standards I’ve had for others. I’ve gone through several journeys focusing on my identity and mental health for which I’m eternally grateful for.

All of this feels so strange because the reason I even started watching Young Royals was that I didn’t want to fail my Swedish courses at school during the first year. Funnily enough it might’ve worked a little too well because one of my matriculation exams was Swedish.

To me Young Royals has brought me comfort and a feeling of home that no other show could’ve provided. This show will aways have a special place in my heart wherever I go, and it has been an honor to see it grow and get the recognition it deserves.

Går skilda vägar när det är slut

Nåt som jag kommer minnas livet ut <3

[dragonagelesbian]

Absolutely gutted at episode 9 of IFYLITA. Jom and Yai really owned this one, after Maey's and Peung's stellar time last episode.

The patriarch as a figure haunted the entire episode. It really showcased both how unsurmountable his power is and how fragile it is. The patriarch can doom his children, but his children can doom him in return. Peung can't fight back as a woman. Yai has gotten used to not rebelling, to accepting frustration and loneliness.

Jom literally died 8 episodes ago. He's got nothing to lose. Without Yai and with his father's guaranteed distaste, he has no certainty of his life in this time period. Maybe James can help, but that's tentative at best, especially with Robert hating him as well. He lives in a time where you CAN fight back. He can glimpse the image of queer happiness: the house he designed for him and Ohm.

Yai was simply heartbreaking this time. He has no allies anywhere. Even Jom, who literally just got here, has more people watching his back: Ming, Prik, even Fong Kaew in a way. Yai is alone to protect himself (literally living apart from everyone) but what he needs is community, embrace. He needs to find other queer people. He needs to talk to his sister and HELP her, as a man in this time, honestly.

Ming was spectacular. Incredible acting from Guide, great scenes all around. His intervention with the prison guard highlighted Tee's consistent view of the value of the lives of servants and working class people. When our protagonists treat servants as disposable, when they behave recklessly, people suffer the consequences. I'm happy to see that being a recurring theme.

Fong Kaew. Beautiful. Way too nice for what has happened to her, but not because she's naive or stupid. FK understands what Yai does not: she has no power on her own. She must find power in alliances, her position, and her influence on her husband. She must save others to save herself. She cannot crawl her way out of hell on stubbornness alone.

Jom. The scene with Prik...it got me. He dared to dream, with Yai, even knowing what a silly dream it was. He dared to kiss and hold and fuck and love, after a horrible betrayal. And to find out in that way... to send your lover away because you know him loving you is literally bringing him problems. Chills. Queer love is revolutionary, but queer love is also dangerous. It is twisted. It contains risk even as it brings immeasurable pleasure.

Very interested to see where episode 10 goes, especially this "show". I think they're cramming in all the time travel shenanigans in the last 3 episodes, which will be...something. Also excited to see more of James - he has something on Robert. James is simply an incredibly intelligent character, so it's nice to see him onscreen.

Once again, IFYLITA surpasses my expectations.

[wilhelmsbee]

hello lemonbee community. today I have a theory:

I Have More Happy (long) Edits Than Sad Ones

how do I plan on testing this? simple. I will watch all my edits over one minute long, oldest to newest, then tell you their (basic) story, and if they're sad or not.

im doing this one at a time, hypothesis before conclusion so if im wrong then damn

Rainbow, dodie (posted 27/07/21) wilhelm accepting his sexuality! song is very bittersweet and the edit follows this too, but because we end on a sad note its classed as sad!

Trying, cavetown (posted 21/08/21) wilhelm trying to balance his relationship with being royal & his upbringing. sad, sad song. this edit is classed as sad!

Liability, Lorde (posted 07/10/2021) crown prince liability. there's not much more to add, he's so sad in s1 etc. this edit is classed as sad! (girl help my hypothesis)

White Ferrari, Frank Ocean 16/11/2021) white ferrari number one! despite the sad vibes this is actually like imagine if they worked it out in s1 and they stayed happy, so this edit is classed as happy!

Burned Out, dodie (posted 26/11/2021) first edit to be barely over one minute!! this is about how everyone Wilhelm loves leaves him. um. this edit is sad!

All Too Well, Taylor Swift (posted 28/11/2021) what was I going through this week. First dual pov edit here! it's all reminiscing and yearning from both parties. this edit is classed as sad!

Supercut, Lorde (posted 04/12/2021) this edit is an entire summary of season 1, the whole story. it's a good premise and I honestly love the way I did it (the editing is bad but still). however there's no other classification for this edit possible except sad!

The Last Time, Taylor Swift (posted 08/12/2021) Simon & Wille split POV, begging each the other to love them right and not leave. this edit is my equivalent of making a doomed yaoi. sad!

Stoned at the Nail Salon, Lorde (posted 12/01/2022) Wilhelm realising he can't be queer and royal and just trying to accept his life will be shit forever. Aren't I a beacon of sunshine. this edit is sad!

Novels, Rusty Clanton (posted 14/02/2022) Wilmon and their fight to stay together vs the fact they just can't. it's just a display of what could've been vs what it is. this edit is sad!

The Good Side, Troye Sivan (posted 17/02/2022) this edit is 1:01 long, but it counts unfortunately. it's about Wilhelm recognising that he got off far easier than Simon after the video dropped, while also acknowledging he didn't really get the better outcome by being forced into the closet and losing the love of his life. who's surprised by this one: sad!

All Too Well (10MV), Taylor Swift (posted 21/03/2022) Simon truly was fighting for his life to be allowed to love Wilhelm, and he just wanted to feel loved back. This edit is sad!

Wildest Dreams, Taylor Swift (posted 08/04/2022) Simon turning the good memories into a movie and trying to pretend that the bad ones simply didn't happen, or at least that Wilhelm won't remember them. He's yearning, but he's also over Wilhelm's shit. This edit is sad!

Paul, cover by cavetown (posted 16/04/2022) Wilhelm yearning and pining for Simon and knowing that it's not fair to him if they date each other. he regrets the breakup but its the right thing to do. heartbreak ensues. This edit is sad!

Place In Me, Luke Hemmings (posted 26/05/2022) Wilhelm missing Simon, so so bad. this actually made me nauseous to rewatch im so sad why did I make this. this edit is sad!

Talia, King Princess (posted 10/06/2022) Wilhelm missing Simon and doing anything (derogatory) to remember it era! its so fun watching him destroy himself because he misses Simon! this edit is honestly so well done but more importantly it is sad!

Mine, Taylor Swift (posted 25/06/2022) Simon loves his boyfriend so bad oh they're so in love. Reminiscing on how bad things have happened but they worked through it and they're better now (it's an AU because s1 only) this edit is happy!

Waiting Room, Phoebe Bridgers (posted 12/07/2022) Wilhelm caving to the peer pressure of his role and his expectations and ruining the only thing he loves in his life because everyone tells him it's better than if he doesn't do that. This edit is sad!

...Ready For It?, Taylor Swift (posted 23/07/2022) Bad Bitch Boyfriends! It's almost like a s1 summary but not really it's just showing how hot and in love they are. it was the one year to my editing account edit also!!! Anyway despite some negative bits this edit is happy!

White, Odd Future (posted 13/08/2022) I had to discuss this one w my flatmate because I couldn't place it. It's like nostalgia and reminiscing and watching life back on your tv but I think overall it's more sad than happy so unfortunately it is sad!

the lakes, Taylor Swift (posted 14/09/2022) Wilhelm loves his boyfriend so bad. he would quite like to actually give up everything in his life and just live with him if given a chance. this edit is so fucking cute ouh.. this edit is happy!

Moon Song, Phoebe Bridgers (posted 10/10/2022) Simon yearning and pining while also coming to terms with the fact Wilhelm wasn't good for him at all and he did the right thing by leaving him. my man loves to wish he didn't care about himself in that moment. save him etc... btw this edit is sad!

Sweet Nothing, Taylor Swift (posted 16/11/2022) sweet nothing number 1 also first long s2 edit! Anyway. Wilhelm has been through so much. ALL he wants to do is love his boyfriend and they make him do so much... this edit is just Wilhelm being thankful for Simons existence which is so real :( this edit is happy!

No Big Deal (I Love You), dodie (posted 22/12/2022) They are so in love. they love each other no matter what. that's actually all they know how to do!!! it's not possible for them to be any other way. this edit is happy!

White Ferrari, Frank Ocean (posted 24/01/2023) white ferrari number two! Despite the sad outro compared to the last one, this edit is another look how far we've come type of vibe. Objectively it doesn't happen in chronological order like the last one. Wilhelm dreaming and remembering things is like blended in with the actual fact they're together forever. She's bittersweet for sure but she's still happy!

Chinese Satellite, Phoebe Bridgers (posted 07/03/2023) this edit is so fun imagine an edit where Simon missed Wilhelm and then imagine one where Wilhelm misses Simon and then make it one edit. there's twice the yearning and twice the agony! this edit is sad.

dorothea, Taylor Swift (posted 06/04/2023) Simon missing Wilhelm. It's just one sided yearning, Simon wondering if Wilhelm misses him, if he even fully remembers how good it was, if he'd ever come back... all because he thinks it's one sided, and that's because I'm cruel and have made it one sided. this edit is sad!

'tis the damn season, Taylor Swift (posted 11/04/2023) Wilhelm missing Simon, them briefly getting back together for valentines day (tis the damn season and whatnot!) then not staying together. it's like imagine the worst timeline for season 2, that's what it is. another one sided cruel edit (they're connected edits) and this one is sad!

Demi Moore, Phoebe Bridgers (posted 11/05/2023) Wilhelm realising he can't actually be straight, or really he can't be without Simon and just fully running to him like a life raft. His life gets exponentially better afterwards! This edit is happy!

Somebody Else, The 1975 (posted 12/06/2023) Simon does NOT want Wilhelm to move on, and especially not with Felice bc that's Wilhelm's bestie also Simon's mutual. Yes Simon can move on, no Wilhelm cannot, them's the rules. Very bad time. Is Simon Jealous... Welllllll perhaps! This edit is sad!

Back To December, Taylor Swift (posted 05/08/2023) This one is a hard one, it's (mostly) Wille POV regretting his mistakes and apologising, with some Simon regret sprinkled in. The end of the edit is when Wilhelm officially apologised and said he'd step down if Simon wanted it. Despite the fact it's got some big hopeful moments, I fear this is just too sad to be salvaged by that. This edit is sad!

Last Kiss, Taylor Swift (posted 06/09/2023) Wilhelm missing Simon, Wilhelm regretting dating Simon, Me sobbing in the corner. Why did I end it on the scene I did? I don't know. This edit has it all! It's sad!

Lover, Taylor Swift (posted 22/09/2023) This edit works as a stand in for the fact Crown Prince Wilhelm, at the ripe age of 16, cannot get married to his boyfriend. God knows the only thing stopping him is that he literally can't. This edit is happy!

It's Nice To Have A Friend, Taylor Swift (posted 19/10/2023) Sometimes your support system isn't even your therapist. Sometimes it's your soulmate boyfriend that your family hate! Yet again, Wilhelm would like to be married but can't be. a shame. this edit is happy!

You're Losing Me, Taylor Swift (posted 10/12/2023) why are we in taylorgate rn Anyway... This edit is about how they're never gonna work and why did they ever think they were gonna work. they've got every obstacle and to be honest it isn't worth the mental strain to stay together! they still want to be together though, something about being in love. This edit is very sad!

...What Are We?, Lizzy McAlpine (posted 11/01/2024) Wilhelm likes to believe he will do absolutely anything to stay with Simon, but also is fully aware that he's the problem. These are considered conflicting beliefs, because they are. This edit is sad!

I, Carrion, Hozier (posted 17/01/2024) it's italicised bc there's a comma in the title ok Anyway. Wilhelm wants to take everything from Simon's life that is evil, and blow it up. He will do anything, he's a supportive man! If they flop, he's going down with his boyfriend! He acknowledges his faults and is still like I'll do anything for my man. he's so real for that! This edit is happy.

Daylight, Taylor Swift (posted 11/03/2023) Wilhelm has been saved by dating Simon. That's his soulmate. Simon has finally found good things in his life by dating Wilhelm. That's his soulmate. They're 4lifers! This edit is happy!

It'll All Work Out, Phoebe Bridgers (posted 05/04/2024) first long edit of s3! Wilhelm deciding, quite bravely, that Simon is better off without him. Does he hate this decision? Yes. He's self-sacrificing for his man and sometimes that's the best thing you can do. This edit is sad!

White Ferrari, Frank Ocean (posted 18/04/2024) third and final white ferrari! Much like the other two, lots of sad elements but it's showing their growth, it shows their love, how they bend and change for each other. They're in love forever guys I swear. This edit is happy!

Sweet Nothing, Taylor Swift (posted 29/04/2024) sweet nothing number two! Wilhelm and Simon rely on each other similar to how the tide relies on the moon or the earth relies on the sun like they're inseparable and almost insufferable with their love! This edit is happy!

So Long, London, Taylor Swift (posted 16/05/2024) Simon gave everything to the point of losing his whole sense of self to Wilhelm just to realise that there was actually no way they could make it work in that state and there was nothing Simon could do to make them be better. This edit is sad!

How Did It End?, Taylor Swift (posted 21/06/2024) This edit is so, so fucked up. They're both grasping at straws for how on earth their relationship ended despite knowing full well it wasn't good for either of them like 90% of the time. It's a sad desperation for sure. This edit is sad!

peace, Taylor Swift (posted 14/07/2024) Wilhelm doing everything in his power to be as good as Simon and knowing he can't really be the perfect boyfriend and just hoping everything he does shows how much he tries. He's so in love! This edit is happy!

CONCLUSION! 29 Sad Edits, 15 Happy Edits. I owe my flatmate a dollar. I was so wrong.

[septembersghost]

when you said people who say weird shit maybe haven't experienced the devastating friendship betrayal, I also wonder if maybe they haven't had the intensely toxic straight girl bffs situation. I am straight and I can't understand queer experiences obviously, but I do know the toxic straight girl bond and it can be straight up crazytown. Wanting to do everything together, thinking she's the coolest person ever while people around you go, "uhhhh, is she, though?," having a weird intense bond, then massively horrendously falling out and it's so bad you feel like you'll die as much as you do from any breakup. That's such basic teen/early twenties stuff, and that's what happened with T&K, only she also betrayed her not only in a personally horrible way but in a professional one too. idk how you can listen to, "guilty guilty reaching out the sea you put between you and me, but it's fake and oh so unnecessary," and "the words of a sister come back in whispers that prove she was not in fact what she seemed, not a twin from your dreams, she's a crook who was caught," and not get it. Unless you haven't known that pain!

that's exactly what i mean, yes, because i have also been there - i've had a couple of massively painful, devastating friendship betrayals, the longest one and the one i reference more often was with a guy, but i had a similar dynamic with a girl too. she was straight as a board and there was nothing else going on there, but we clicked immediately and spent every moment outside of class together, we shared all our similar interests, we sang together, we daydreamed about future college life together, and we had this strange, toxic codependent dynamic that of course i deluded myself into thinking was special and normal and fine until it imploded. we were mirroring each other in mannerisms and speech patterns, matching colors, equating ourselves to glinda and elphie (lol that should've been the telltale sign of doom right there, and ironically it was a boy she was obsessed with and who she convinced herself was gravitating towards me and that i was trying to "steal" that destroyed our relationship with her paranoia and her demand that he and i couldn't be/were not "allowed" to be friends. ultimately he wanted to be close to me because he was worried about my health, and also he was gay. so! good for him! we stayed in touch for a while, he's a lovely man. she married the first guy she met after all this. anyway!). this is the very abridged version, but it was a huge mess, much crying and fighting and angry phone calls and cold shoulders resulted, then i found out she was jealous and competitive with me behind my back, and she ousted me from the whole group. and i referred to her as the sister i never had. oops. girl friendships, especially in those age ranges, can be intense and formative and unhinged, and losing them feels crushing. heartbreak over friendship loss is deeply acute and tangible for me in taylor's music, even the songs that she wrote as romantic. i totally get what you mean.

[babybabymerrychristmas]

i really think maroon is one of taylor's best songs

I'm with you on that, anon.

I think maroon is one of the best songs she's ever written. It's not even the queerness of it, but just the way that it's written and the way it sounds and the feeling you get when you listen to it.

It describes a relationship that was born out of equal footing and love for one another but that ultimately was incompatible with one another. It talks about how lasting that trauma is when you lose the person you were betting everything on, like you really let yourself hope in such a specific way that when you lose them it feels like grieving for the living.

It starts with such an innocent and romantic first verse that the heavy melody counteracts in a way that's like "doomed by the narrative" almost you feel anon? And then we get into the second verse where we get deeper into the relationship and we see its not as rose-colored (oh hello there symbolism in connection with red fuck bro) as the singer says it is in the first verse.

In fact, the way the second verse is set up, the singer is the one hurting their lover because their lover is crying with their head in their hands. So, we see this tension between how the singer views the relationship with the reality of how the singer is actually treating the relationship. And then in the bridge, we get the singer's anger and hurt in full display in this brilliant haunting chorus where the singer realizes that winning the game (hurting someone instead of being hurt) doesn't get rid of the ghosts haunting you.

It's like brilliant story telling, whenever I get a maroon anon I always try and bring a new idea to the table and the fact that I've managed to do so every time (I think lol... it has to be why yall keep sending in this one song) just further showcases its absolute genius.

Maroon deserves song of the year if im being honest but only if there is a heartbreak prince documentary to go along with it because I don't think the grammys would listen to it on its own and understand its complexity without the story of the relationship and why it ended (we don't really need more than that... even a simple "I thought this was good for my brand and it cost me this lesbian relationship I thought would be it for me which is why 2016 was so hard for me because I was a fraud" would do) but I digress.

Idk, I think maroon is so beautiful and well written and heartbreaking. It just speaks to how sometimes two good people just won't last because their growth will be incompatible with one another. A butterfly weed and an impatiens are just as beautiful as one another but they will not grow side by side together. One of them will die.

The idea of these loves being "memory garden" is beautiful because it recognizes the fact that none of these relationships can survive without the universal planting ground of your memories or your brain.

But yeah, I agree with you anon. Maroon is probably top 10 of all time for me.

[weaversweek]

2 "Constant craving" - k d lang

writers k d lang, Ben Mink

"Here's a medley of my hit."

"A versatile weapon of mass seduction." - The Times

Part of the UncoolTwo50 project, marking the best singles from 1977-99.

ELF POINTS (11 points)

Every queer of a certain age has a copy of Ingénue on their shelf. Combining queer lyrics with a middle-of-the-road sound, lang fills an album with heartbreak and yearning, the love that dare not be spoken. "Constant craving" ends the album, drawing together the threads, melding the internal and external conflict into something she can live with.

k d lang released her first country album in 1987, with The Reclines. It boggled the minds of country music fans in Alberta and Saskatchewan. "This lass looks like a lad, makes music with bits of rock and roll (hawk,spit), and generally doesn't look like us rednecks would you pass another beer." Nobody could fault lang's voice, clear and packed with emotion, with a great vocal range.

Nashville wasn't sure about her, but the voice and work with Roy Orbison on "Crying" (qv) ensured she'd get an audience. The albums Shadowland and Absolute Torch and Twang earned a NARAS award, and enough minor celebrity that "k d lang comes out against eating meat" caused a stir. This side of the pond, we ignored it all - something about John Drittsek Gummer, a burger, and a crying child.

We'd also ignored lang, until 1992's Ingénue album. Johnnie Walker was a big fan, played "Constant craving" and "Miss Chatelaine" on his Radio 1 and Radio 5 shows. Released in late spring 1992, the single stalled just short of the top 40, and made the top 20 when re-promoted early in 1993.

Young k d lang had come out as a lesbian during the promo cycle for Ingénue, and was adopted as the poster child by every young dyke around. With a short, brown coif highlighting her cut jawline, and a penchant for blazers and men’s button-downs, k d's unapologetic masculine demeanor was something new to many homes. She palled around with Madonna, who said Elvis is alive - and she is beautiful! lang made it possible to be an out lesbian, and a handsome woman. Others will assess how much of an influence lang has had on queer culture; for me, she's still a style icon.

Later, lang would reflect on how recording Ingénue was "a very important time for me because I was changing my musical vernacular from the very strong influences to a more personal one and creating a language that resonated with me on a deeply personal level rather than using outer imagery. It was a very introverted time. It was meditative”.

There were also external influences: “AIDS was full-blown in a social context, there was a lot of pressure on me to come out. So I think the record maintains a kind of relativity because the record’s vulnerability and honesty resonated with the gay community at the time. I think it resembles a type of watermark for the LGBTQ community.”

Contemporary reviews were positive. Betty Page in the New Musical Express (Incorporating Accordian Times) said,

The secret diary of k.d. lang shows she's not lost sight of those precious torch values; her voice is honed to perfection, full of the subtle tones of expression and phrasing so beloved of her heroines, Peggy Lee, Patsy Cline and Julie London. These are open, vulnerable songs – honest, naked, and dripping with achingly lovely melodies that send you softly sliding down the wall into a contented, foetal heap – and not a 'New Country' tag in sight.

Max Bell in Vox added,

Lang (sic) manages to sound like Peggy Lee's heiress and is on the verge of becoming the first lady of Country jazz. Compared to many rock LPs, Ingénue's still-life sophistication might seem almost relentless, but there is no premium on good taste, nor on the quality of writing at hand here. The fact that Ingénue is an album for masochists only adds to its appeal. It will become a constant craving, and those who love it are doomed to return, like the vampire after dark, for one last fix. (10/10)

This song got me a summer job at a record shop. During the interview, the manager asked me to sell him a recent song I was passionate about.

It’s a song about the universal human experience – we have dark days, we’re nervous, feel a bit rubbish. We hope for something better, constantly crave for a connection, some relief, someone to understand us.

Or, if you prefer, it’s a very physical love song.

Or, if you prefer, it’s a clever musical composition, subverts the usual major-key DESH descending scale (which we’d later hear on Oasis’s "Whatever") with a minor-key DEES. Builds up a whole lot of tension, then resolves it with a DEESEED reversal on “A-ha! Constant craving!”.

That, and an attention to detail, and not objecting to doing difficult and boring tasks. Kept me going three summers, two Christmases, and my student loan manageable. It's one I remember with great affection, and events in the past couple of years make it more important.

Also… "Constant craving" was subsequently ripped off by The Rolling Stones for "Anybody seen my baby". No song by Mick Jagger's group entered the longlist; maybe they'll have better luck in #Uncool25 for songs released before 1954.