#and it will not be a smooch. but it might be violent

[rileylastname]

people who add non-autogenerated subtitles to videos are the most attractive people on this planet and allowed to steal one (1) thing from my home. including a kiss

[fanofthelamb]

I need more of ur narilamb developments IMMEDIATELY that shit is AMAZING I love a Narinder who can out-crazy the lamb.

(is anyone going to inform lamb that u don't need to marry someone to torment them or-)

ASK AND YE SHALL RECEIVE. more narilamb shit under da cut <333 (aka MORE DOODLES!!!)

nari's crush on the lamb started at their first meeting. there was just something that hit a TINY bit different about the lamb. he won't admit it but even now thinking about how the lamb was back when he was in chains makes his heart skip a beat. ruthless, violent, full of pure hatred... its just kinda sexy, isnt it? (that's only you, narinder.)

the lamb absolutely HATES all of narinders hobbies, too. especially his plays. they think its beyond pathetic that he would want to prance around on stage in silly costumes and play pretend with others. that was not a hobby fit for the ex-god of death, why couldn't he just do something better like making shit with bones or drawing with ashes?! something edgy like that....

..... which is why it was so shocking to him that the lamb is his #1 supporter. they helped him find a play to host the plays, assigned people to specifically work on costumes and props for him, crusade like it's going out of style to make sure he has more than enough materials. it doesn't make any sense to him, but he appreciates the help! (they are madly in love with him and even though they don't like his hobbies they will be DAMNED if he can't enjoy them.)

of course, making sure narinder is cared for isn't the end of the lamb loving narinder. they also have been snuggling and petting and loving on him randomly too. (and testing out his statue abilities) mostly when they THINK he's asleep, but once in a full moon they might come give him a smooch when he's up and moving.

narinder doesn't get much luck returning the favor though. most of it ends with the lamb beating the hell out of him. (out of love <3) not that narinder can't take it, and even if he can't, isnt that what resurrection rituals are for?

even while in chains, i can't say who out-crazied who. the lamb has also done some pretty fucking vile shit because of their own little crush. both of these motherfuckers are absolutely NOT ok and they make it each others problem. narinder HAS cooled down a decent bit now that he has hobbies to focus on besides of thinking about the lamb and revenge all day. the lamb no longer has a goal to think about and just tries to focus on running the cult now.

... anyway!! more narilamb nonsense. i hope it fed you well? ^^"

[wannaeatramyeon]

Goo Kim x Reader: Suspicious

G/N. So so stupid.

Your boyfriend is indulging in suspicious behaviour.

More and more, you catch him smiling sweetly at his phone, chuckling. At times you think you might have heard a squeal. He's always staring into it late at night, first thing in the morning, hiding his screen away from you.

Which usually would put you on edge if he was anyone else. Leave your imagination running wild, cause your insecurities to rise to the surface.

But you know Goo. He would have no problem kicking you out of his bed, his apartment, his life if he didn't want this anymore.

Except this isn't that. He's still as clingy as ever, still a mischievous menace. A brat, feral and needy, showing his own brand of affection and fondness.

You're almost certain that if you asked, he would shave his head for you. His precious blonde locks. That's how much he loves you.

However. The behaviour is peculiar, odd. You don't know what to think.

.

.

He's engrossed in his phone even more than usual this evening.

He didn't hear you come through the door, pad through the apartment, sneak up over his shoulder, almost breathing into his ear, eyes briefly scanning over his screen until-

"What's this?"

Goo yelps. Jerks away violently and with such force his glasses clatter onto the floor.

"Shit!" You hear him mutter under his breath as he tries to discreetly click his screen off and bend down for his glasses.

You're pretty certain you saw what you think you did.

…Really? Is this what he's been hiding from you?

Tentatively, because it's obvious this guy is touchy as hell about this, you ask, "Is that-"

"Nope!" He snaps, a very uncharacteristic blush blooming over his cheeks.

"Goo," You grin, eyes crinkling. "Are you embarrassed?"

He puts his glasses back on, adjusting them as he peers over haughtily at you, regaining some of his composure. "No cupcake, I don't get embarrassed."

You put your hand on your hips, raising an eyebrow. "Sure. That's why you've been sneaking around with your phone."

"I have not been sneaking."

"Sneaking."

"I-"

"Sneak. Ing." You emphasize each syllable, then ready your fingers at his forehead. "I may have thought you were up to no good." With that, you give Goo a light flick that he grossly overreacts to and screeches.

"So what?" he rubs his forehead with a pout, "I'm always up to no good."

That's true. You admit it with a sigh.

He pulls his phone out of his pocket, clicks it back on sheepishly. "They just... They love each other."

"I know." You tread carefully, not sure which of his manic moods he's rapidly approaching.

"And they both die in the manga." You swear you see Goo's lip wobble, "I just want them to be happy."

Ok, that was definitely his voice cracking you heard there as he shows you his browser, tabs upon tabs of fanfiction open-

Really, goddamn. That is a lot of fanfiction. Although you understand the grip of a hyperfixation all too well.

Maybe you should have seen this coming. You know Goo loves his manga and anime, and you know he loves this particular one. You just didn't know how much. You didn’t realise he indulges in fandom activities.

But-

Did he not realise you loved it too? The amount of fanfiction you gorge on? That there was no need to hide this from you? You wouldn’t have ever made him feel ashamed of this.

"Hey,” You give him an encouraging smile and a nudge, “Did you read the college AU one? Where they're both-"

"PROFESSORS AND MARRIED!" Goo interjects, eyes widening in realisation. 

"Cupcake!" He purrs, any embarrassment or hesitation a thing of the past. The distant past. He throws his arm around you. Ecstatic at finding new common ground, starts to ramble and talk about his favourite fics, his least favourite. The tropes he loves, the tropes he hates. Mouth running a mile a minute.

When he finally pauses to take a breath, he smooches you on the cheek. Reading between the lines, as a way of apology for his suspicious behaviour.

And continues, until you interrupt him and tell him that your favourite ship is actually these other characters and-

"Ugh. Tasteless." Goo scoffs, removing his arm from you and stepping away as if your terrible taste will infect him.

[rotthepoet]

Continuing my mean lorenzo berkshire brainrot, he is so enemies to lovers coded.

Like he’s a 1990’s movie bully. Yknow that scene where Malfoy sends Potter a little animated note of him being struck by lightning??(i feel like it was prisoner of azkaban) yeah imagine that being thrown at your head. Like. Everyday in class

Hes like mean and pathetic and its WILD dude.

He so just shoves you when no ones looking- straight up pushes you into a fountain-

You dont even know what you did to get on his bad side! He doesnt even remember!

Its probably because this pretty(gender neutral) person(you) showed him up in class after he answered a question embarrassingly wrong. He wasnt a fan of that. No one can be that good looking and smart at the same time, that bitch is cheating!

He will be your downfall if you let him. Like. Sabotaging all the way. Your life will be hell.

His friends kinda noticed how hes different around you tho. Like he can be mean but not VIOLENT.

Its Theo that figures out its a crush. And he doesnt let him live it down.

“Ohhh there goes your girlfriend, gonna go trip her again to see up her skirt you creep?”

Things like that but im not a posh Italian boy in a British boarding school so, like, phrase it better.

There are two ways you could get him to stop.

Slapping him or crying infront of him.

Both would make him slow tf down and short circuit.

1. If you slap him, hes going to look down at you with the dumbest look. Like. No thoughts behind those wide eyes. Scream at him, shove him, stomp away. he raises a hand to his cheek and grins so big because you touched him! He lowkey gets a little bit ✨freaky✨and imagines it all over again later. The bullying stops. He cant stop staring at you and following you everywhere though. Youre not sure which is worse lmao.

2. Bless your heart if you cry infront of him. He feels so bad suddenly its not even funny. Hes like half hugging you awkwardly to ‘comfort’ you and is lowkey trying to apologize without saying the words “im sorry” its kinda just pathetic and weird. If you run away crying he feels like a dick and leaves you alone for a bit :/ the cutie is crying and its his fault wtf this is so twisted! He might buy you a little treat to make up for it.

Once he falls he falls HARD. like downright obsessed. Blaise had to knock him upside the head because he wouldn’t shut up about you.

He’ll be talking to a girl and see you and literally push her away by the head so he can walk and talk to at you.

“Hey hows your day going? Did you do something with your hair? Youre going to potions, yeah? Let me walk you.”

And youre like. What?? He was telling you that you reek not even a month ago?? Is he gaslighting you? This new form of bullying is weirddd

and then he starts presenting you with gifts and trying to hold your hand like wtf?? He blows you a kiss from his broom on the quidditch field. Steals the damn mic and says “this win was for ___” and points at you and youre like “hello??? Who are you?? Get away from me?”

But eventually you fold and it turns out hes a nice guy. Somehow. You sometimes look baxk and think “how did i get here?? Where the hell am i??” But then he gives you a big ol smooch and it all gets better.

[iitsarss]

╰ㅤ₊ㅤ๋࣭ㅤreader x gr13f3r　 confession　 ᠀

ꔛ word count: 753⠀╱⠀established friendship + crush 。

(¬_¬")⠀⠀⠀note ⠀╱⠀my ass cannot write smth more than 780 words long erm...yeah....more griefer i love him sm sm sigh i want to smooch him till he can't say anything comprehensible,,also yeah i see he doing this sht like yeah idk,,edit uh,changed 1 thing cause i just wrote the same thing again lol

Griefer was the epitome of immaturity and insensitivity, a walking disaster who thrived on chaos and violence. He relished in commanding others with brute force, going as far as having his father forcibly extract the Venomshank for him.

Now, here he was, standing by the very river where you two had first met as toddlers, struggling to get out the cheesiest words he could muster. It was surreal—how could something so simple be so difficult? He had even watched movies to prepare for this moment, which he would never admit to anyone—except maybe his gorilla pet, the only one privy to the embarrassing secret that he had a massive crush on you. But now, Griefer was a complete mess, unable to string a coherent sentence together without stuttering like a fool. He, of all people, blushing like some schoolgirl confessing to her first crush—it was mortifying!

Taking a deep, shaky breath, Griefer finally blurted out, “L00K, PUNK—I, UH—I L1K3 Y0U A L0T… 3RM… CAN W3 G0 0UT S0M3T1M3? W3 C0ULD G0 T0 TH3 ARCAD3 1F Y0U WANT—N0T THAT 1 CAR3 0R ANYTH1NG… UH, 3RM, CAN W3 HANG 0UT—L1K3 A DAT3? N0, N0T A DAT3! JU5T A HANG 0UT! Y3AH, THAT!”

The words came out in a jumbled rush, faster than he intended, leaving Griefer standing there, heart pounding so hard it felt like it might leap out of his chest,what was he even thinking? Calling you to come to that place? Too cheesy! Stuttering in front of you? Pathetic! And just brushing off his attempt in asking you out? God- Embarrassing! He waited, every nerve in his body tense as he anticipated your response, but when nothing came, he panicked even more, brushing it off with forced bravado.

“WA1T, F0RG3T THAT—1T W4S N0TH1NG—HA! J-JU5T A J0K3, ALR1GHT PUNK? JU5T A J0K3.”

Awkward silence hung in the air as Griefer mentally berated himself for how disastrously wrong everything had gone. What had he been thinking, bringing you here of all places? The whole scenario was too cheesy, and his stuttering made him feel like an absolute idiot—God, could this get any more humiliating?

For a moment, he stared at the ground, too embarrassed to meet your eyes. The smile on your face only made him feel worse, as if you were mocking him silently. His palms grew sweaty—though he convinced himself it was just the heat of the jungle—and he took another deep breath, trying to muster the courage to speak again.

“L00K, PUNK, 1—”

But before he could finish, you gently placed a hand on his cheek, and he froze, blushing furiously. What were you doing? He stared at you in bewilderment, his heart skipping a beat as he took in how stunning you looked up close. No, he couldn’t think like that—he was already embarrassed enough.

“PUNK, WHAT AR3 Y—”

His words were cut off as your lips suddenly met his, and Griefer’s brain short-circuited. Panic surged through him, and if he could blush any deeper, he would’ve turned into a human tomato. What was he supposed to do? He’d never kissed anyone before—not properly, anyway. The closest he’d come was a peck on the cheek from a girl back in high school, which didn’t count for much. But now, here you were, the person he actually liked,the person he actually thought of without any violent thoughts before going to sleep,kissing him, and all he could think was how utterly unprepared he was.

Slowly, as if moving through a dream, Griefer raised a hand to your hair, his fingers awkwardly threading through it before trailing down to your cheek. Okay, maybe he was getting the hang of this. His other hand found its way to your hip, pulling you closer, and he tried—really tried—not to mess this up. Which,spoiler!, of course, he did.

After what felt like an eternity—an agonizing, yet heavenly eternity—you both pulled apart. Griefer stared at you, his mind reeling. That… was actually a good kiss, especially for his first time. But then reality set in, and the nerves came rushing back. He had just kissed you—no, YOU had kissed HIM! He always thought he’d be the one to make the first move, and now he felt even more stupid. Who could blame him, though? He was just a hopeless guy in love.

Taking a deep, trembling breath, he looked at you, his hands still slightly shaky, and with all the courage he could muster, he blurted out one last request:

“C-CAN W3 K1SS AGA1N?”

[hotpinkstaples]

i am so happy the bart allen fandom subsect against his infantilization are finally back in business (only tumblr user @melonlthawne gets a pass for drawing baby bart with a childhood cuz they’re cool and funny).

i understand some ppl need their Actual Kid Characters to cope, but bart aint a tomasian superson, as some of you might believe. he’s barely a flash (the scriptures say even mark waid wanted flash!bart dead), and he’s certainly not young justice’s baby brother/son/infant to care for. i understand some of y’all’s lives are dedicated to infantilizing the first short/neurodiverse/weird character that you see for whatever hellish projection purposes you got goin on, but i want you to know that it’s wholly a YOU problem, not a bart allen problem.

bart allen fucks. he’s short and has amazing hair. his girlfriends in canon involve a girl he didn’t even know was his girlfriend until he got smooched at a baseball game. his homies thought he was a rat bastard cop when he was disguised as impulse. his superbestie is kinda horny for him, which is great, bc kon is rarely horny for men but Bart Allen Is The Exception. he’s a canon gamer. he was a foster kid. he’s a refugee. he died a couple of times. he’s insane and dangerous and violent to boot. he’s weird too. no amount of headassery is gonna erase the fact that, that man is a Certified Freak From The Future. find peace in your heart.

and make sure you participate in bartkon week this summer

[kalmiaphlox]

Crash Landing

AO3 Link / Masterlist

Astarion has never been a bat before. He's never wanted to be a bat before, but a little sneeze is all it took for him to be stuck as a disgusting rodent.

Wait- He can fly!

But maybe flying isn't all it's cracked up to be...

Main Tags: Batstarion, FLUFF!, Dadstarion, Established Relationship

Waking up next to Astarion is a new experience every time, and this morning is no exception. 

The moment she opens her eyes with a yawn, his head looms above hers, ruby eyes boring holes into her face as if she might dissolve into nothing if he looked away for even a moment.

“Any particular reason for being a weirdo this early?” Kalmia asks while placing a hand over his eyes, but he leans forward to nip at her fingers instead and once she pulls away, Astarion bares his teeth. “Ah, so no reason.”

“Do I need a reason when I'm with you, little wyrm?” He holds her wrist and presses a chaste kiss to her lips. “I just want to see every side of you, even when you snore louder than a dragon… Oh, wait…!”

She pinches his nose. “Awe, the vampire has learned comedy this morning. How fun.” 

“I'll show you fu-” Astarion rears back, blinking in bewilderment. His nose scrunches up, sniffling before sneezing - violently.

She didn't even know vampires could sneeze.

Gone is the dastardly man with the killer good looks though. Just… gone from her sight. Kalmia sits up swiftly and an alarmed squeak brings her eyes down to the emerald green duvet. A fluffy white bat with overly large ears and a short, pink snout stares up at her with confused red eyes. 

Well, isn't this something? 

“My, oh my, irthiski, seems I'm not the only shape changer around.” She rubs at his fuzzy head with a finger, and in typical Astarion-fashion, he bares teensy fangs that shimmer like pearls. “What a cutie pie! I could eat you right up!”

That raises another squeak from him, though she can hear the rage burning behind it. How mighty it is, but a dragon does not cower from such things. 

“You should be able to speak normally, come on, use your words.” Kalmia nudges him a bit too hard, knocking him over on the sheets. “Oops, sorry!”

There's little grumbling noises that sound suspiciously like speaking, he must be getting a grasp of this new body, it'll take time. Astarion is wobbling around best he can, using his wings as crutches to stand up, the little hook at the end catching on the bedding so he gets stuck, letting out more angry squeaks.

Oh gods, her heart might explode from the cuteness.

“I'm going to pick you up, can't have you tearing all the bedding.” Gingerly, Kalmia wraps her hand around his fuzzy body, picking him up and offering her other hand as support beneath his legs.

The grunting finally becomes audible, “You- What have you…” His lungs aren't at their usual capacity, a full sentence is a struggle. “What have you done, you witch?!”

“Oh, I turn you into a cat once and now it's my fault?”

“What in the…" He gasps, "hells am I?” His small head is angling around to get a look at himself, but she'll do him one better.

The Truesight mirror, its shiny reflection and lacquered wood encasing reveals all.

They stand now in front of it, holding her hands out so Astarion can gaze upon his visage - his favorite activity, but definitely not hers. “You're a bat, irthiski. I've heard vampires can do this sometimes, but maybe you're a late bloomer.”

“Late bloomer-!” He erupts into more enraged squeaks and growls, almost completely falling off her hand before his grabby feet latch onto her finger on instinct, dangling precariously upside down. “A damned bat! I don't want to be this! Where's my beautiful body?!”

Ignoring his dramatics and pressing a smooch to his head, she smiles widely. “I know someone who would be very excited to see this sight.” And they depart from their room, striding into Izmezine's where the girl is just waking up. “Good morning, anon ! Who do you think this is?”

Izzy sits up, blinking her bleary eyes and rubbing them with a big yawn, before scrunching her button nose to inspect the white ball of fluff in Kalmia's hands. Her lips form into a frown, turning her head away in disgust. “It's ugly.” 

That was not the reaction I anticipated. 

The wail of anguish that leaves his tiny bat body is very impressive, if not over-reactive. Setting Astarion down on the bed, Izzy pulls away slightly, what a terrible start but Kalmia will fix this. “Izmezine, sweetie, please, this is your father. He's turned into a bat by accident. Let's be nice.” 

That gets Izzy to take a peek again, and she looks to Kalmia for confirmation. “T-Th-That’s my papa?”

“Yes.” 

Poor Astarion is trembling against the bed, the words of his daughter like a stake straight through his heart, but at least he's stopped crying. Izzy reaches forward hesitantly, brushing a finger against his fur and she gasps, “He's s-soft!” She goes back in for a more gentle pet, “W-Why is papa a-a baby?”

Finally finding his words again, Astarion speaks up, “I don't know, I just turned into a bat, but kitten, you think I'm ugly ?” That last word barely makes it out as a squeak. Gods, he's going to be hung up on that for ages.

Izzy scrutinizes him further, golden eyes narrowing and appraising the bat before her. “Uhm, a l-little ugly?” Kids are always so blunt, Astarion should feel lucky that Izzy has enough sense to walk her statement back. The gold eyes turn up to her now, “Kalli, I'm hungry.”

“Me too, let's go have breakfast. What would you like?” Kalmia scoops up the whinging bat and places him on her shoulder, then holds Izzy against her hip. 

“Cake!” Is Izzy's first breakfast suggestion.

“Normally I'd agree, but a cake takes a long time to make, how about we make one later and we can have some scones and jam now?”

The dhampir thankfully concedes to that idea and they settle in for an easy breakfast while bat-Astarion clumsily scrabbles along the counter, whining, “I'm hungry too, you know.”

Seems Kalmia isn't the only one that becomes ravenous when changed. “I'll get you food in a bit. Let me take care of my anon first.”

He collapses into a sad pile, crying endlessly, “My daughter thinks I'm ugly, my lizard is starving me. Where is the love?!”

Kalmia slathers some jam onto a scone, ignoring him, “Izzy, what would you like to do today?”

“Can p-papa go in my h-house?” She asks around a mouthful of food.

“Hmm,” Kalmia eyes the worming creature before her, the image of Astarion being stuffed into the doll house is hysterical, but… “I don't think he would like that. Bats are supposed to be able to fly, maybe we can help him learn.”

Both Izzy and Astarion perk up at that, their eyes shining with new possibilities. “You really think I can?” Astarion seems apprehensive at the prospect.

“I don't see why not, irthiski. We can try it out once you get some food.” With breakfast finished, Kalmia takes the bat downstairs, leaving Izzy with the task of gathering pillows and blankets. “What blood do you want?”

“Yours.”

She brings the bat in her hands close to her face, “If you have it now, you can't have it later.”

More grumbling follows, “Fine, get me a glass of the boar.”

Filling a goblet to the top, Kalmia rests them both on their desk. Astarion's little wing hooks grab onto the lip and he shimmies his little body up the length of it, long tongue lapping up the blood. She watches quietly with her head tucked between her hands as a red stain begins to bloom along his snout and neck as he drinks. 

“Kalli! The-The blankies and p-pi-pillows are ready!” Izmezine shouts down the stairs.

Astarion pulls away, flopping down to the desk, “I'm full.” The goblet's halfway empty now, she's impressed by his apetite. They return upstairs now after a cleanup, finding the sitting room absolutely covered in blankets and pillows. 

Setting her bat on the couch, Kalmia gives Izzy a big kiss on her cheek and squeezes her into a tight hug, “I knew I could count on you to go above and beyond! Wow, look at all this coziness!” 

The girl giggles in her arms and Astarion pouts, crossing his wings in a pitiful stance, “What about me? ”

“I didn't forget you, irthiski!” Kalmia showers his tiny head in kisses and Izmezine does the same. He melts at their love. “I don't know how different it is from being a dragon, but my first time flying was… a little wild, you know? I think my mother just threw me off a cliff a few times until I got it. Be thankful for our care, Astarion.”

Izzy nods like she completely understands the lengths they are going to take care of him and he scoffs, “Your mother is a brute.” Kalmia only remembers those days with fondness, he wouldnt understand.

“No! Nafl i-is nice!” Izzy corrects him with a tap to the snout.

“I turn into a rodent and you both gang up against me? Where is the-”

Kalmia interrupts, “Enough. This should come somewhat naturally to you, but we'll start here on the couch and move up in height, ok? Now get to flapping.”

His beady little eyes glare at her and she just smiles sharply back. He's testy, big or small. With a despondent huff, Astarion shuffles along to the edge of the couch, stretching his leathery wings and shaking them out. 

The first few attempts end with an immediate face plant to the ground, and while he may not admit it, Astarion is very thankful for the pillows now. The fifth attempt though? His wings find the right rhythm and angle, so he glides down to the end of their makeshift protections. More tries are made, his gliding and flapping now consistent. 

Kalmia and Izzy erupt into applause, and she isn't quite sure if she imagines the blush on those little bat cheeks. “Higher now, Astarion?”

“Yes, yes!” He's glowing with pride at his newfound capabilities. Raising him up to the fireplace ledge, he huddles on the ledge peering down to the blanket laden ground. “Alright, I can do this.”

Izzy cheers from the sidelines, “Papa can f-fly!”

With one step, Astarion dives over the edge, flapping vigorously to maintain his height, and it sticks. He's flitting about excitedly, if not a little haphazardly, cackling gleefully. Kalmia, while very happy for Astarion, is concerned he's being too reckless. �� Irthiski, you should slow down and watch where you're going!”

His head whips to her, “Never! Nothing can sto-!” and he smashes head first into a wall, crumbling to a heap of bat limbs on the floor. Izzy shrieks, running over to his still form.

The downside to an undead partner? Can't really tell what kind of damage they've sustained because they don't breath or exhibit any of the normal symptoms.

Astarion is probably fine though. 

I hope.

“Don't worry, Izzy, your father will be ok. He'll just need to… sleep that off.” Kalmia strokes the girl's head, whose eyes are welling with large tears. “We should find him somewhere to rest.” She is concerned that he's not changing back… but vampires don't die that easily, no matter how small they are.

Izzy zips downstairs and returns with two doll-sized beds, laying them down by the fireplace with extra bedding so it's very cozy. Kalmia assists in putting his bat-self onto the bed and covering him with blankets. “Kalli, m-ma-make a f-fire! Papa’s c-cold!” Stacking some logs, Kalmia breathes fire onto them, stoking the flames until the room is toasty. With a sniffle, Izzy lays out next to her father and rests her hand on him, “I take c-care of papa.”

“I know you will. You watch over him so I can get lunch started, ok? We can eat here.” Kalmia kisses her forehead before setting off to the kitchen. 

It's always an adventure with them.

++++

Over an hour later, Izzy has fallen asleep looking after Astarion's limp body, which hasn't even twitched all this time. 

Maybe it's time to take matters into her own hands. 

Or fingers.

Pricking the tip of her index finger, Kalmia places it up against Astarion's bat snout, hoping the pooling blood will work like vampire smelling salts.

And of course it does, she should have thought of this earlier. 

His snout wiggles side to side, seeking out the delicious scent before him, and begins licking at the drop the moment he makes contact. Red eyes blink open, looking haggard, “What- What happened?”

Kalmia picks up her sad bat, cradling him in her arms, “You crashed into the wall going much too fast. Izmezine took very good care of you, so you should thank her once she's up.”

“How do I change back? If I spend another moment like this, I'm going to become quite cross with-”

“Hush, you're always angry. I normally just think about being me, so maybe try that?” 

Astarion goes silent for a while, so he must be trying anything to be himself again. Nothing happens though and he grumbles unhappily, “This is stupid. I don't want to be stuck as a flying rodent for the rest of my life. How will Izmezine be able to introduce me to people? ‘ Oh, come meet my father! The bat? Yes, that's him!’ Kalmia, I can't stay like this!”

“Shall I tickle your nose? A sneeze seemed to set it off the first time.”

His bat face goes through a range of emotions, before settling on sadness, “This is so unbecoming, but fine. Do it.”

Kalmia locates a feather pretty quickly, Gale has quills laying out everywhere, and lightly shuffles the tip across Astarion's nose. His nose wrinkles but nothing happens, and he folds in on himself in defeat. 

“I'm sorry, irthiski. We'll figure something out.” She does feel terribly for him, nothing is worse than being stuck in a form at the wrong time. She knows it well.

“Mmm, papa?” Izzy’s sleep laden voice pulls their attention as she starts grabbing at the doll beds, but realizes nothing is there, so she shoots up, alarmed. “Papa?! Wh-Where are y-you?”

“I have him, anon, it's ok.” 

Crawling over, Izzy pets her father, also seeming sad that he's still stuck like this. Who's going to read the bedtime story for them?

But if Astarion continues to be a bat, might as well take advantage of this opportunity. “You know, Izzy, I think he's kind of dirty. We should bathe him.”

The girl's eyes light up, “Yes!”

“What?! What do you think-” Astarion begins to shout.

Kalmia presses a finger against his snout. “You've been outvoted. Accept your fate.”

He whines and complains all the way downstairs, and once the bath is filled a few inches deep, she settles the little bat in. Izzy gets to work swiftly, wetting his fur and carefully working in the shampoo. Kalmia assists from the sidelines, but Izzy has it handled. 

Astarion's taking this with as much grace as possible, letting Izmezine do as she pleases, because there is never a world in which he would deny her.

But this time must come to an end, it seems.

He makes a strange noise, like a sharp intake of breath, and sneezes, splashing water everywhere when a vampire reappears where a bat once sat.

His resting clothes are soaked and Astarion is absolutely covered in soap, hair flattened against his head as he sneers at the two of them. ‘You two have had a lot of fun today. I think daddy needs some payback.” Izzy and Kalmia both shriek with laughter as they attempt to run, but Astarion grabs them both, dragging them into the tub, turning the water on. “If I had to suffer, then so should you!”

Once they're all soaking wet and giggling, they climb out of the bathtub, drying off, Kalmia has a new idea. “Ready to make a cake, Izzy?”

The girl jumps up and down in excitement, “I w-want pink frosting!”

“Any requests, irthiski?”

He runs a towel over Izzy's curls, “One of Gale's nice bottles of wine. I'm just… going to lie down, my body hurts.”

Kalmia laughs, “You'll get used to it.”

“Ugh, I sure hope not. If I never turn into a rodent again, it will still be too soon.”

++++

Notes:-anon = flower (draconic) -nafl (short for nafldask) = grandmother (draconic)

[idv-sunsxin3]

Horropedia // Dating Headcanons

Note// First Reverse: 1999 writing. A bit suggestive in some parts. This is my version of Horropedia, so if you don’t like it,,,, you might as well have to write your own because this is meant for my self-indulgence;; sowwy <//3

// preferably female s/o- gender neutral is also okay since I didn’t exactly mention a specific gender :)

As a strange autistic guy, I just imagine him to be the type of guy who probably have indirectly confessed to you earlier before you can even realize that months after- like you're just laid down on an armchair and you suddenly connected lines on the previous lines you once heard him before-

"Ah, hey! I've been waiting all my life to meet someone like you, so I had to come and say hello."

...he literally just say a simple remark with that smile as he gifted you a spirit catcher pistol- and then left....

Sometimes, you might not understand him. But you eventually asked him out on a date (in a normal way for once-).

"Oh? A date? Great! Let's go get coffee together. " :))

Little do you know, he also plans to have a ghost hunting date after that---

___

Kissing scenes in horror films? Horropedia at first felt a bit skeptical about them, finding that unnecessary... Until he got a crush on you, and then FELL for you - That's when he lowkey wondered in his autism brain... how would a kiss with you feels like?

Oh gosh, so many possibilities;;;

Horropedia would slowly realize the fact that he would unconsciously check his mouth breathing and fix his hair a bit whenever he spots you entering the room. "Who knows when that kiss scene happened cough cough -"/hj

There was a time Horropedia sneakily slipped during those ironically cute kissing scenes in a horror movie.. You may think you would just slip away from the unknown opportunity he would be searching for - But no, you wouldn't even get the peace to resume watching or have time to recover from a jumpscare that happened few minutes ago when there is this silly dork softly nibbling and smooching on your face and neck like that;;;

aaaand now you're making out with him in the middle of the movie ..

It seems there are now more reasons for him to ask you to stay over. ;)

He wants to impress you so bad ever since the moment he heard about you - You just happened to be... ordinary? But at the same time, refreshing... someone who easily connects with almost anyone.

Darn, I think you’re made for him. ☺️ (lol)

At first, he wanted to be the Mr. Mysterious and only introduced himself to you as "Horropedia. "... At some certain point after, he would  bashfully let you call him "Joshua." Just don't get too cocky...-/ih

If you're just as comfortable with dark humor and other kinds of morbid stuff, there is this small scenario where you and Horropedia would roleplay a bit as to help him make up stories involving these morbid antagonists and anti-heroes...- He would be kinda a bit down bad if you say Wednesday Adams stuff technically./hj

He is not sure If he has the right to die or laugh when he gets called "Joshy"... it's cringe, but he finds your silly demeanor very cute and funny.

You happen to be a big listener when it comes to horror movies, horror stories, and horror video games- whatever horropedia rambles at you at 3 am. as if it is a nearly daily basis/ih

He loves sharing hobbies with you, even cherishing the moments when you get to do whatever activities with him that are close to his interests and what he's passionate about...

You can already tell he's not interested in anything else other than that sense of thrill he has for phenomenon or violent drama... but he'll try his best to be flexible when it comes to giving you quality time... Like crafting, cooking, maybe painting?

You might know what he will create in his own hands...- ghost cupcakes, a sculpture of Friday the 13th's killer, Michael Myers mask---

Jumpscares are out of date for him, of course, but then... he still watches those classical horror movies once in a while since they're pretty much fundamental to the art of fear.

Ironically... He does like surprise back touches! Well... As long as it doesn't have to imply his poor posture, back hugs are good to go.

He finds it pleasant to have you sit next to him or on his lap as he plays those Indie horror games(?), "mmmm... Dark deception? World of Horror? Resident Evil? The Last of Us? What about Outlast? What do you think, Babe? :))"

FNAF would be obviously a breeze for him... Bro, imagine him going crazy about fnaf lore, hahahha-

DDLC gave him mixed feelings. He is half glad his baby is not that mad crazy because of that/ih

LITTLE NIGHRMARESSSS- Man, imagine him having these silly moments with how he just concerningly reacts so happily at a kid eating a gnome who just offered a sausage oh gosh-

Watching horror movies with him would be like watching a live commentary channel as you feel a slim hand rubbing your waist throughout the movie.

You might have mixed reactions alongside him when accidentally encountering sex scenes on horror movies...- things might get awkward but he would make sure to close your eyes if you don't like to see that kind of stuff- intercourse is not the option,,,, mass arson it is/ih

I can only imagine Horropedia calling you either your name, Babe, Baby, or  Boo (NOT PUN INTENDED I SWEAR FJNFNF;;) Is usually your name being called normally. Unless he is so so happy,,, or is because he just did something you probably not going to like~ 😇✨️

“Is your name Boo? Because you’re making me scream in delight.” ♥️

Oh boy-

[clockwayswrites]

Flashfics 1 Masterpost!

Ship, Color, Plant

Original Post CLOSED

As you can see, I asked for:

-A Danny + DC ship (/ or &) which is self explanatory.

-A color from the rainbow (roygbiv). Before anyone picked I assigned a topic to each color based on something that color evoked for me! I'm not going to lie, I didn't think too hard on these lol.

Red- fighting

Orange - trick or treat

Yellow - food/meal

Green - eldritch

Blue - sleep(y)

Indigo - smooches/cuddles

Violet - angst (violent violet)

(For those curious: 1R, 3O, 1Y, 2G, 4B, 1I, 4V)

-A plant of some type. The plant is a little vague, but it was there to provide a hook of some sort- a mood or color palette or texture. Basically the plant is the vibe!

(If anyone else wants to use this idea process (or parts of it) to do prompts themselves, feel free!)

Goal was to stay short and quick with these! Here are all the links and a bit of my thought process under the cut! The reasoning is likely spoilery for the pieces, so you might want to read the ficlet first!

Danny/Jason, Indigo, False Indigo

Danny/Jason, Yellow, Dandelions

Smooch + False Indigo just had to be fake dating! It was a must. I admittedly have more thoughts on this one than a ficlet warrants...

Danny/Tim, Violet, Iris

Food/Meal. Dandelions are seen as just weeds in the US, but actually from their roots to leaves to flowers have a ton of uses! So I wanted there to be a restaurant that was dubious from the outside, but had amazing food.

Danny & Billy Batson, Orange, Prickly Pear

Angst. I love irises. The colors of traditional purple iris with that spot of yellow reminds me of dusk. Dusk feels like an ending so we went with a dramatic deadline!

Danny/Bruce, Blue, Blue Lily

Trick or Treat. Danny brings Billy food as they plot. For the plant a prickly pear is good eating, but... well, prickly, so I went with a clear friendship with some underlying contentiousness.

Danny & Steph Brown, Violet, Violets

Sleepy. A blue lily looks a little scattered, even frayed, but it still has a lovely soft color. It was perfect for a Bruce who's trying to hard and a soft moment. (Great fun to finally write this ship.)

Danny & Arthur Curry (Aquaman, Orin), Blue, Ruby Slipper Succulent

Angst. Purple bruises clustered together like violet flowers came to mind right away- especially for violent violets. Two spirited heroes in over their heads...

Danny/Jason, Orange, Apricot Tree

Sleepy- went with exhausted here. The succulents reminded me both of the crown of fire but also coral, so I really wanted to focus on Danny visiting Arthur/Orin. As both half human kings, I thought that it could be nice to set up a mentor idea.

Danny/Stephanie, Violet, Orchids

Trick or Treat. I struggled a bit at first but had the idea of Danny throwing apricots at Danny- using the plant literally for once! Luckily the ficlet found it's way. (Ty Moku for letting me bounce ideas off of you.)

Danny/Duke, Blue, Sage

Angst that I had to make different from the other angst with these two! I leaned into the other worldliness of orchids and their bright bold colors... and what that could mean as a ghost.

Danny/Zatanna, Orange, Amaryllis Belladonna

Sleep. Sage is nice and fuzzy so first take away was the texture, but it's also an herb and so we got to sick fic! Just a soft little moment for these two and a little gator.

Danny (Phantom) & Captain Marvel, Green, Wildflowers

Trick or treat. Well, I had to do a magic show with that topic. The flowers are very soft so wanted something sappy. But with the name belladonna, even if it's not those belladonnas, had to have tiny bit of a threat or mystery.

Danny/Jason, Red, Bonsai

Eldritch. Wildflowers made me think of an uncontrollable Phantom and what would cause that and, well, look I know this isn't the angst color but... combined with the prompter very specifically using Phantom and Capetian Marvel it seemed to fit.

Danny/Jason, Blue, Sunflowers

Fight! I was first thinking of a mistaken identity brawl, but that didn't fit bonsai at all. Then I thought it needed to be delicate, but if you've ever watched a master work with bonsai, they are anything but delicate. So then we got to this metaphor!

Danny/Bart, Green, Dahlia

Sleepy. Gonna be honest here, sunflowers = sun was where my brain went right away lol. I also wanted an overall happy and playful feel!

Eldritch. Dahlia are the orbs of flowers that are fractal so a biblically accurate Danny seemed like a place to go! I like to think thanks to time travel Bart and Danny had different first meetings with each other, and none of it in the current time.

Danny/Jason, Violet, Forget-me-not

Angst. How could I not do a death scene with for forget-me-nots? Moku and I had chatted more about the apricot one, and Danny visiting the grave, so I felt this had to tie into that! At least this way you all know it has a happy end?

[the-fluff-piece]

"Y/n got poisened!" Chopper informs the crew, "her heart is beating too slowly. We need something to make it beat faster!"

He looks around the crews faces in panic. "Does anyone have an idea?"

Robin comes forward: "I think I might have an idea...everyone knows how she like shonen ai comics?"

Everyone nods, it's known.

"We have everything we need here" She demonstrably looks at sanji and zoro. Both look clueless.

"You two have to kiss! It will jump-start her heart!" She said seriously.

"This might work...." Chopper seems happy and embarrassed at the same time.

"Wha...? Me and HIM?" Sanji looks like he's gonna jump ship.

"You are her crewmates! If it's what she needs and you can give it, you should smooch" Luffy says.

"I'll do it, if it saves her" Zoro's resolve is clear as he turns to the shocked cook.

"Be sure to get that, y/n!" He says as he drags sanji in front of your bed. When you weakly open your eyes, he takes sanjis face into his big hands and looks at him passionately for a second. Sanji blushes violently and whimpers as Zoro plants a shy kiss on his lips.

Your eyes flutter open as blood shoots from your nose.

"It's working!" Chopper cheers and claps his hoofs.

Meanwhile, Zoro and Sanji seem to have forgotten what's happening and fall to the floor in a tight embrace.

"You guys can stop now" Chopper says.

They don't stop.

[boolger]

For lapdog on a farm I keep daydreaming abt when the boys start warming up to princess…. And imagine her getting spooked by something and bolting and getting lost 🥺 and the boys are like sick with worry bc they know she doesn’t have any sharp teeth or claws to defend herself

Or them hearing her yelp and coming running to find a wolf hybrid (maybe graves or marakov 😏) trying to take her away bc she looks pretty and breedable 😊 and maybe all three of them bite the shit out of him. Or Maybe gaz runs to get price, soap takes care of their babygirl, and Simon has to fight the wolf (classic trope of the most standoffish and mean one being the one who’s actually insanely violently protective!!!!)

Or imagining if princess was previously a show dog— and price regularly getting offers to set her up with a breeding partner. Which he tosses to soap so he can tear them to shreds.

Or someone moving into a property down the road and visiting with their own hybrid (maybe König as a mastiff or a malamute or wolfdog). And bc he knows how to behave as house dog, princess takes a liking to him. And the boys don’t like it at all. They keep coming up with reasons why he’s no good for her and doing things to try to take her attention back.

Anyways let me know if you like hearing the products of my sick mind lol bc…. I think about this story so much man. 🏆 u da best!!!

Aaah trust me,I love hearing thoughts like this!! And getting asks like these 🥰

I will reveal that our sweet lapdog might bolt a little, crawl over the fence in order to avoid the men - and then run into Ale and Rodolfo’s new hybrid 🥰 and the boys get all upset, knowing they’re not allowed to leave the property heehee.

The idea with being a show dog though 👀 maybe another fic could have that focus. I actually imagine Princess’ backstory to be a lot darker or, well, sad, hence why she has been declawed and such. Being a pet for the wrong people, hurt unnecessarily you know?

Which is why she is aggressive towards Price in the beginning and then turns all sweet when she finds out he isn’t going to let her go. And then bc this fic needs a plot and she is a dog hybrid, she takes it to the extreme and gets unruly and doesn’t want to follow orders any more. ((Trauma can make people react differently. Let it be known that this is a fictional humanoid creature and that dealing with trauma should be taken seriously in the real world and not berated or anything like that. I hope you all know (or I will make it more known) that I’m a big supporter and believer of therapy and love. Despite all the dark fics I write.))

However, she might get an offer to breed with another hybrid, now that you put the idea in my head - she is a full blood cocker spaniel after all.

It could be interesting if someone other than Ale, Rudy and Valeria visited, I suppose. I will consider it, but I’m not sure. For now, my focus will probably be on getting the hybrids to hate each other just a tad less. Maybe.

Something something going into heat.

As a treat, I gib you a little snippet of my upcoming chapter (that still needs editing and rewriting, ssshh)

“My my,” the voice almost appeared out of nowhere and you turned slowly, afraid of what you would see, “what are you doing here, perrita? On my property?”

You knew Alejandro and Rodolfo had gotten a hybrid, but you had been too swept up in your own nightmare to ask about her; now, as she towered above you, seeming more wolf than dog, you would rather have one of the mutts on your own farm. A scared little whimper escaped you.

I give you a forehead smooch, my sweet sinner💋❤️

[yuzuocha]

𝚢𝚞·𝚣𝚞·𝚘·𝚌𝚑𝚊 | ユズオチャ

noun

1. a type of citrus tea that originated from China and is now also widely produced and consumed in Japan and Korea.

2. the owner of this ridiculous blog.

‣ about me

hi there and welcome to my primarily sfw blog! i am yuzuocha but call me yuzu :D

they/them

日本語/한국어/ENG

i write mainly for love and deepspace, but there might be some other fandom content here and there (i.e. project sekai)

this is a fic, art and incorrect quotes blog that is 16+! while i know i can't prevent under 16 folks from reading, content here can get freaky.

INBOX IS OPEN. PLEASE SEND A MESSAGE IM LONELY HERE

‣ please click below for more info and a masterlist!

‣ requests

i only accept up to three characters per headcanon/drabble request. you're free to request the same headcanon/drabble for different characters, though; this is to make requests into bite-sized pieces for me! you are welcome to also request one-shots or even multi-chapter fics >:D do your worst!

however do know that i only accept these requests as suggestions, not explicitly favors i have to do. if it interests me, you're in luck. if it doesn't interest me, you ain't in luck. only times i'd take it as a request is if it's for a friend i personally know or whatnot.

this blog will be NON-EXPLICIT for the most part, anyway. obviously there's going to be suggestive themes, plenty of implications and a whole lot of softcore (like c'mon look at my first post kek), however i absolutely refuse to write or draw outright smut. we got enough smut artists and writers in the lds fandom and i think we don't got enough fluff-angst writers HAHA

‣ things to know

this blog is 16+ — while I don't explicitly discourage readers under the aforementioned age from consuming my content, most, if not all of my content contains somewhat suggestive themes and contain suggestive, violent and/or triggering themes. additionally, the game itself holds aforementioned themes, so i thought i might as well put a soft-minimum just to give myself some peace and mind lol. please use your personal discretion before you consume my work!

i have a taglist! please let me know if you'd like to be a part of it through commenting here or through my inbox! i'll give you lots of smooches as a ty <3

finally — i have commissions available for both art and writing! please contact me through my discord yuzuocha for details :D

‣ masterlist

headcanon

‣ the horrors of gacha. — Xavier & Zayne & Rafayel

‣ kith? kith. [pt. i] — Xavier & Zayne

‣ moments of panic. — All

‣ back in the days. — All

‣ domestic times. — All

‣ a living proof of your love. — All

one-shot + drabble

‣ heartstring fortissimo. — Xavier

‣ eclipse. — Xavier

‣ drunk mind, sober feelings. — Xavier

‣ a second love at second sight. — Rafayel

‣ post-care. — Zayne

multi-fic

‣ player one, player two. — Xavier

‣ illuminate. — Xavier

but really really fast

main story ‣ prologue

main story ‣ chapter ɪ

main story ‣ chapter ɪɪ

main story ‣ chapter ɪɪɪ

main story ‣ chapter ɪᴠ

main story ‣ chapter ᴠ

main story ‣ chapter ᴠɪ

main story ‣ chapter ᴠɪɪ

main story ‣ chapter ᴠɪɪɪ

incorrect quotes

ɪ ‣ truth conundrum

ɪɪ ‣ caleb v. ladder

ɪɪɪ ‣ xavier's mc sensor

ɪᴠ ‣ rafayel's morals

ᴠ ‣ anti-consolation

ᴠɪ ‣ following directions with faith

ᴠɪɪ ‣ rafayel's rancid rizzing

ᴠɪɪɪ ‣ who let xavier cook

ɪx ‣ "helping out"

x ‣ false alarm

xɪ ‣ fiery motivation

xɪɪ ‣ self love

xɪɪɪ ‣ vroom vroom

xɪᴠ ‣ how to treat a short person

xᴠ ‣ is rafayel into choking?

xᴠɪ ‣ sanity loss documentary

xᴠɪɪ ‣ spooky broccoli

xᴠɪɪɪ ‣ xavier's tendencies

xɪx ‣ "what keeps you up at night"

xx ‣ speling is hahrd

xxɪ ‣ subway surfers was fire ngl

xxɪɪ ‣ whoever threw that shell, fuck you

xxɪɪɪ ‣ innocent until proven guilty

xxɪᴠ ‣ happy middle fingers

xxᴠ ‣ single when drunk?

xxᴠɪ ‣ a cursed bless

xxᴠɪɪ ‣ serotonin, too!

xxᴠɪɪɪ ‣ he isn't wrong, per se

xxɪx ‣ lie detector

xxx ‣ an artist's perspective, apparently

xxxɪ ‣ yeah no he bucked up

xxxɪɪ ‣ a cursed bless 2.0

xxxɪɪɪ ‣ caleb's sick of it lol

xxxɪᴠ ‣ propriety over honesty

xxxᴠ ‣ words of (questionable) truth

xxxᴠɪ ‣ caleb technically didn't lie

xxxᴠɪɪ ‣ she thought she was playing chess, he was playing 4d chess

xxxᴠɪɪɪ ‣ as long as rafayel's happy, i guess

xxxɪx ‣ who let xavier cook 2.0

xʟ ‣ nice card, shitty purpose

xʟɪ ‣ put a price tag in bed

xʟɪɪ ‣ mission accomplished (?)

xʟɪɪɪ ‣ asshole of the year

xʟɪᴠ ‣ "KILL IT KILL IT KILL ITTTTTT"

xʟᴠ ‣ local fish intentionally stranded on walmart parking lot

xʟᴠɪ ‣ cereal hits when drunk

xʟᴠɪɪ ‣ zayne can't be left alone, poor him

xʟᴠɪɪɪ ‣ a chair that can kick you

xʟɪx ‣ needs and wants

ʟ ‣ honesty so brutal it hurts

ʟɪ ‣ yea just buy whipped cream instead

ʟɪɪ ‣ words v. stones

ʟɪɪɪ ‣ living in the present

ʟɪᴠ ‣ popcorn doesn't last

ʟᴠ ‣ war of words

ʟᴠɪ ‣ it is trash can, not trash cannot

ʟᴠɪɪ ‣ newton's rolling in his grave

ʟᴠɪɪɪ ‣ carnival avocado

ʟɪx ‣ how much white stuff can fit in a mouth?

ʟx ‣ 6 cm per second, which is frankly impressive

ʟxɪ ‣ xavier v. jeremiah getting punched

ʟxɪɪ ‣ hunter's "reflexes"

ʟxɪɪɪ ‣ declaration (?) of love

ʟxɪᴠ ‣ double friendzone'd

ʟxᴠ ‣ rafayel's garden

ʟxᴠɪ ‣ reminiscence (?)

ʟxᴠɪɪ ‣ xavier the almighty sun

ʟxᴠɪɪɪ ‣ xavier the almighty mosquito

ʟxɪx ‣ the duality of fish

ʟxx ‣ didn't happen if there ain't no evidence

ʟxxɪ ‣ life is just one big capitalist experience fr

ʟxxɪɪ ‣ oof lmfao

ʟxxɪɪɪ ‣ you something get eat might

ʟxxɪᴠ ‣ father v. further v. farther

ʟxxᴠ ‣ hobbies

ʟxxᴠɪ ‣ the ends justify the means, right?

ʟxxᴠɪɪ ‣ so short they can duck liability

ʟxxᴠɪɪɪ ‣ cashed in the wrong way

ʟxxɪx ‣ love is an open door

ʟxxɪx ‣ efficiency > flirting

ʟxxx ‣ viral for all the wrong reasons

ʟxxxɪ ‣ killer fashion

ʟxxxɪɪ ‣ package

ʟxxxɪɪɪ ‣ cancelling out

[hals-homo-blog]

what are your thoughts on the other freemans? like gorgeous and feetman ?

I like them all for the most part!! I need to keep researching for some of them, like actually watching Gorgeous Freeman past the first 2 minutes of ep1.

Feetman, I like as a character, but I think I might kick him in the shins if I was in the same room as him, he's kinna loud and fritzy. I really like how, like, caring/paternal he gets what with Joshua and Tommy and even Coomer sometimes. It's just a really charming and endearing character trait.

Gorgeous frightens me, I would hide under the bed from him, I think. I like the fandom interpretations of him a lot, I think he's become such a fun character, but I will still be hiding under the bed thanks. I think everyone who draws him looking kind of like Markiplier is objectively correct.

OG-man is such a funny creature, I love him so much, I think he deserves the world. He deserves to have a good hot meal, and a nice hot bubble bath, and the longest coziest sleep known to God or man. That said, he's very intimidating with that stern, almost angry resting face he has. I think if he looked at me like that I might disintegrate into dust like a Thanos Snap.

There are other Freemans or Freemen too, like the Google Translate one and a speed running one and the one that wants to save all the scientists, and I will eventually learn all about them and form proper opinions on them in time.

For now, all I really know is that everyone thinks the Google Translate one, Cicero, is baby, and as far as fandom absorption of content goes, I agree. He seems like a funny little fella who is very nice. I think we would have a really nice time chatting together and neither of us would know what the hell the other was talking about, but we'd have a nice time regardless. I look at THIS drawing of him in particular from junkbrainz and I'm like:

I dunno anything about the Speed Running one, I forget his name, probably Speedman or something, but I like to think that in a Freemanverse context that he and I/Hal would be very roadrunner/coyote-esque. Especially considering that Hal operates on cartoon physics, I think it would make a super funny background gag if Hal was just setting up these goofy-ass ACME type traps to try to catch Speedman or make him sit still lol.

I find it funny how intimidated I am by these objectively un-intimidating Freemen (OG mostly and Gorgeous, kind of) when by far the meanest, loudest, angriest and most violent Freeman is my beloved pookie-bookie sweetie pie. lmao. I relate so much to Freemind, I love him, I need to smooch him and hold him close tbh. He's so right about everything and all of his opinions on things are correct. I think most of all I relate to like, this ongoing struggle he has where "Everyone is an incompetent idiot but me, and my life is so much harder than it has to be because everyone is being actively stupid." ESPECIALLY AT WORK LMAO.

[choccy-zefirka]

Monsters Like Us

Oh, what's this, Ketheric smooching!

Ketheric/Repentant Durge (my custom character, Half-Orc, they/them pronouns), circa 2300 words. Mostly character introspection (in which I write Ketheric exactly as I write Alexius, but it's okay because I am having fun). Ends on kissing because I had to round up writing earlier than intended for irl reasons.

I might add a second, spicier chapter if I manage, but this can also work as a standalone. I am also a bit fuzzy on where exactly on the timeline this happens, but don't worry about it, old man kisses, okay?

Trigger warnings for Durge Things TM (nothing actually happens outside of flashbacks and allusions to intrusive thoughts; but some snippets are fairly violent, including imaginary harm to animals).

Her voice a thunderstorm, her moon-white anger adding more and more inches by the second to her height, her shoulders, and her bristling wingspan, Aylin insists, again and again, that he should be dead.

She is correct, of course. And she would have readily, understandably, eagerly killed him herself. When Myrkul took over his body and then cast it aside, a drained mortal husk once more after all these years, her heavy boot would have caved his face in, with no more dark magic to rebuild the split skin and shattered bone — had the others not pulled her back. Not that they were particularly ecstatic to save his miserable life. Not that they should be.

“Yet he lives,” the druid says to Aylin. His voice is dry, colorless; and he stands unmoving. Not as tall, or as seething as the Moonmaiden’s vengeful daughter — yet still here to pass judgment. On behalf of all the dead trees that rose, naked-white as sea creature carcasses, out of the suffocating waves of green-black smoke, when the once happy, sunlit, moon-kissed haven around the Towers became an offering to Shar. And on behalf of all the people that fell into the smoke’s corrosive clutches under those dead trees’ shadow.

When the dark gods turned away from Moonrise, disappointed and bored; when the Moonmaiden’s child flew free again — the Shadow Curse was lifted. The light will warm the trees once more, and the lost souls will finally know rest. This has to make the druid happy — yet surely, he would be even happier if the Curse’s caster died with it.

“He lives. What is done is done. Better he travel with us than continue to poison this long-suffering land with his presence.”

That is what the druid says. Isobel, however… Isobel says nothing.

Isobel does not even meet her father’s eyes, in those few fleeting moments when, now and again, he catches a glimpse of her across the campsite — before Aylin inevitably snaps to attention and covers her with her wing; a glittering shield of moonlight between his little girl’s pure heart and his festering darkness.

He feels nothing whenever this happens. Just a heavy emptiness tugging at the edges of his heart. And he is uncertain whether that’s because he had ached and screamed and cursed the gods to the point of numbness long, long ago — or because he truly is a monster.

If only these ragtag adventurers had given him a cage instead of a tent. As a reminder that he is a captured beast. To gawk at, and throw an occasional tomato. He knows the green-eyed child, with Shar’s black freshly washed from her hair, would have loved to do that. It would have distracted her from the panicked questions he can read in her eyes, like he once read in his own in a mirror.

That would have at least been more honest.

But no. No cage for him.

His Netherstone has been pried from his armor — which they have had him swap for civilian clothes, to make him less conspicuous, as they draw within closer and closer reach of Gortash’s grasping golden claws. The Stone’s safekeeping has been entrusted to the Gith. A fair choice, in case he suddenly fancies stealing it back. Which he won’t; he is too tired — but how are they supposed to know? A monster declawed is a monster still. And that otherworldly soldier is a fierce guardian against monsters if he ever saw one. He can swear she keeps sharpening her blade even in her sleep.

And he himself, general no more, undead no more, serving his gods no more, father no more — just a clawless shell by the name of Ketheric — has been stuffed in the remote corner of their camp. Kept alive, kept among them, at the Urge’s insistence.

Had this been the same Urge as he knew them, before… well, before Orin’s blade did its work — he would have assumed that he is being tormented for their own sick amusement. But this is just the thing: the Urge has… changed. In ways creatures like them are not meant to.

A mad dog, he once called them. And it is not as if he were wrong. When they first joined forces, the Urge, too, was a monster. And not by choice, like him; by nature.

They were the gods’ cruelty and callousness personified; a hand-crafted plaything to suit Bhaal’s whims. Devoid of all the things that make mortals such a nuisance to deal with when an all-powerful, capricious entity wants their orders followed, and followed now.

There was no free will behind their ever-widened eyes, no stray thought that was not planted in their head by Bhaal. Even their appearance — which, to a hapless bystander mistaking them for a real person, might have looked like the result of a union, perhaps even love, between an Orc and a Drow — was assembled out of very specific puzzle pieces, trait matched to trait, to turn them into an efficient killing machine. Both agile and strong; capable of rending some writhing, screaming fool limb from limb with their bare hands, and then disappearing into the shadows. Ketheric remembers Gortash being immensely fascinated by that. Of course.

Yet now they wield that… perfectly molded body of theirs to jump between terrified refugees and a pack of gnolls. Their skull-crushing gray hands clasp gently around the trembling fingers of a lost child, as they guide them to safety. Unharmed. With flesh unruptured and blood unspilled. Their tusked mouth smiles — a real smile, not a vacant, drooling leer at the smell of blood — when they greet their companions.

They still wear all black, with spikes on their armor’s pauldrons and little skulls embroidered in silver along the collar of their camp shirt. But even that seems like a deliberate, almost playful fashion choice. They stride with confidence, clearly knowing that the dark colors flatter their powerful built and contrast with their silvery skin and white hair, which is no longer hanging in matted strands caked in days-old viscera. They groom themselves without Gortash coaxing them into it (do they even realize who Gortash was to them, at this point?). And they do that every time after they sully themself in battle… or while playing with their dog.

They are doing the latter right now. Spending their small window of rest leaping back and forth, with their black tunic ballooning in the wind; racing against a gleeful, sleek-coated animal… Who trusts them to bury their face in his fur, to pull him close with no intent to dig into his vulnerable belly and pull out his innards like a macabre garland, while the dog is still alive, screeching in pain and betrayal.

Thump.

The well-worn, drool-dark leather ball rolls up to Ketheric’s feet. He kicks it forward weakly, almost instinctively — his legs, after all, are still the same legs that ran about playing with Squire, when she was a creature of fur and flesh. What a good girl she was. The best girl. Does Isobel remember her..?

The ball rolls through the dirt, but the dog has been distracted by the smell of whatever scraps the company’s wizard is working to hard to turn into something presentable over the campfire. He races off, tongue lolling out of his mouth, and Ketheric is left face to face with the Urge.

“Hello,” they say, with that smile again. Well-meaning, if slightly awkward. A person’s smile. “Are you well? Have you been tired on the road?”

Ketheric exhales through his nose. The sound that comes out might even count as an approximation of a laugh. A person’s laugh? Or a monster’s attempt at one?

“Not in a way you are implying. I have had many, many more strenuous marches than this one.”

“Physically strenuous, you mean,” the Urge guesses, perching on the same log where he sits. The distance between them is barely one arm’s length, yet as deep as the void in the Shadowfell. “And otherwise — ?”

“That is only for myself to know,” Ketheric says, without raising his voice. He rarely ever did that, after all his screams at Selune and Shar were spent. Back when he had the ability to instantly close all wounds, that made him quietly intimidating; but he cannot help but wonder if now it just makes him weak.

“Fair enough; I just…” the Urge’s eyes look him over, still as blood-red as he remembers them. Irises bright crimson as the fresh jet from a slashed artery; sclera deep black as slimy clots on a corpse’s lips. Bhaal knows what he likes.

But the glow within their eyes cannot have come from Bhaal. From the Urge. That’s a living, sincere mind of someone else peering back at Ketheric. Trying to connect. That someone… is Meteor.

Meteor. He recalls, from eavesdropped conversations that the monster in the camp was not really invited to, that they’d named themselves thus because when the nautiloid crashed, they fell from the sky like a shooting star. Overly dramatic? Perhaps; but then again, some laughed at Melodia’s name when the two of them were young. So young, so distant, that he cannot look back at them in any other way than characters from a storybook that he can re-read, slowly turning the pages through the molasses of his heavy numbness — but never relive.

“Yes, it’s a silly name,” she’d say, with that same spark of defiance Isobel grew up to have. “But it’s mine.”

Meteor’s white eyebrows arch.

“I am sorry. I saw how Orin treated you; if I was the same… I shall no longer be.”

Ketheric shrugs.

“That is what we were. Dogs, each leashed to their respective god. Snapping at each other’s throats.”

“I am not going back to being a dog!”

Impulsively, Meteor shifts closer to him, till their knees touch, and clasps his bare, unarmored hands. Ketheric’s skin probably stings them with how icy-cold it is; he does not think he will ever be warm again. But their own fingers are warm. Unexpectedly comforting.

“And neither should you.”

“So you keep saying… But it has to be too late for me, hasn’t it?”

Inadvertently, Ketheric’s gaze wanders away from Meteor and to the spot where he knows Aylin and Isobel have pitched their tent. Also separated from him by a bottomless void.

Meteor squeezes his fingers tighter, which makes him drift back to their face. So open, so concerned. So stubbornly insistent.

“Don’t… Don’t look at them. We will never be on the same level as those two. They are beings of pure light. They are beacons that dispel darkness, and remain untouched by it; and you and I… Well, we dove right in.”

They shake their head, shuddering a little. Their hands slip off Ketheric’s and begin to gesticulate — fumbling through air as if the words they are searching for are suspended out there somewhere, cloaked into an invisibility spell. And at the sight of them, the smallest, wispiest inkling of… something stirs suddenly in Ketheric’s hollowed-out chest. Like the first shoots of living grass peeking through the dead soil’s cracks in the wake of the receding curse.

“My skull is like a beehive where every bee, every moment of every day, tries to drill at… what’s left of my brain. Telling me to tear and strangle and maim and kill. There’s a mad little goblin man dancing over me at night, promising me my…” Meteor’s lips curl in disdain, “...my inheritance, if I take the lives of those dear to me. I don’t know what it’s like, to just… be good, effortlessly, naturally, because you were born this way, made this way by the gods. But I still try. And you — you can try too.”

Their voice quivers, teetering on the edge of something Ketheric struggles to identify. Envy? Longing?

“You have memories of your past self to guide you. You have a… how would Gale put it… frame of reference. You still won’t be pure, ever again, but if someone like me can poke their head out of the dark…”

Their thread of thought snaps here, under inner strain; they breathe deeply, and a tear, utterly alien on their once-scowling, blood-drunk face, rolls along their cheek.

Another instinct awakens; Ketheric’s hands remember how gentle they once were, in another life, with his little Isobel, with his Melodia… He cups Meteor’s face, lingering on their eyes, just as theirs linger on his.

What follows next feels only natural, seamless; a compulsion almost. There is no more mossy bark separating them; Meteor’s knee is between his legs, their skin flushes warmer than ever before underneath his touch, their eyes burn into him, calling to that sliver of life… And next time he blinks, his lips are on theirs.

This is not the first time he has kissed a half-Orc. There were many long, dark days when he felt especially trapped in the crumbling towers, with Ilithid rot swelling underneath and the lightless sky pressing downs from above. He fumbled for release then, half-blind to what he was truly lacking… And Disciple Z’Rell was as efficient at providing that as she was at everything else.

So, he knows how exactly to tilt his head and slip his tongue between Meteor’s tusks. He takes ever longer, ever sweeter, ever deeper draughts of them. Oh, there is man more parched that one has already loved and lost.

His hand weaves through their mane of white silk, and his eyes slide shut, as he allows their massive presence to envelop him. Softly. Fully. Bhaal’s defiant creation cradles Myrkul’s abandoned tool; the monster-that-became clings to the monster-that-refused… And those powerful arms, honed for carnage, remain gentle.

[commander-gloryforge]

Saving Tyria all by yourself, Handsome?

Is your blorbo looking for a mate? Someone to love and smooch and all that? Or are you just looking for a bestie? Well, fear not, because I might have just the right buddy for YOUR guy!

Welcome to the... the! Theee... BLORBACHELOR?!?!?!?

I shall present to you a couple of my guys that are looking for relationships and you can go look at them, and then let me know if you'd think you have an OC that would match them! Again, can be romantic, or they can be besties, or maybe enemies, or anything inbetween! let's pair up some blorbos! let's talk about it! Enjoy!

LUNA - VESTA - RYE

BRUM - LUCIEN - LORELEI

RYUMI - LÉA - PRIMA

WRENNIH - BYUNGJOON - NAGISA

CYNORION - BO - HAOYU

more about all of them under the cut!

Luna Montenero pronouns: they/she sexuality: lesbian age (in the year of 1336): 30 preferences: Luna needs someone who values their intelligence, they want a person that knows to to speak up, that isn't a doormat, and isn't afraid to go against the grain. somebody that shares her interets in music would also be nice. about her: Luna grew up with her cousin Ambrose, who also happened to be her best and only friend. When she was 16, their mother took them away from the Wolf family and began raising her as a priest of Lyssa. After years of abuse within the church of Lyssa, she escaped with a bang, quite literally, and became the assistant of a mists researcher. Though they enjoy their job very much, things have gotten... lonely, lately.

Vesta Blazestrike pronouns: she/her sexuality: bisexual age: 37 preferences: she won't admit this, but she needs someone who's gentle, patient and calm. she needs time, and trust. about her: Vesta is violent, because she's never known how else to respond to unjustice. her sire was a smoke shaman, and she inherited some of his powers. among flame, she was hated for being a woman, and when she fled and joined the blood legion, she was hated for being flame. she was set up to be killed by her warband when they were sent on a mission, but Vesta ended up being the only one left alive. She's always been treated like dirt, for her magic, her tendency to fall mute whenever she is angry or overwhelmed, and now the fact that she's killed her own warband. if only there was 1 person to treat her right...

Darryean "Rye" pronouns: they/he sexuality: queer age: 9 preferences: Someone with an interest in fishing, and herding dolyaks, and herding skimmers, and herding raptors, or fishing... someone to see past his early year problems. about him: Rye was born shortly after Mordremoth woke, and was vulnerable to his call. they began turning into a mordrem but snapped out of it at last. When he was shunned by other sylvari that had watched his slow and rather short lived transformation, he decided to move to Elona instead and just. start fishin. start cowboying. nowadays he's travelling with their two (only) friends Rhea and Junko, and he is tasked to be their bands manager and only fan.

Brum Flausch pronouns: he/him sexuality: pansexual age: 40 preferences: Brum is t4t, but otherwise he has no preferences about him: Brum is just kind of a guy. He's a gladium after his warband kicked him out for being besties with a human, and then that human betrayed him, and now he's just kind of. chilling. alone. he does have a friend, Lysania, and she gave him the name "Flausch" after he split off from his warband. He's very kind, and also very big and strong :]

Lucien The Lost pronouns: he/him sexuality: i don't think he knows this age: he also doesn't know this preferences: I also don't think he has any about him: Lucien came crawling out of a cave one day and wandered into a camp of Dwayna's priests that swiftly took him in when he started blabbering about being a priest and having come back to serve his deity- except that he couldn't remember who exactly he was serving. after a couple of years of being kinda useless though, he started working for a particularly grumpy inquest asura. Lucien still doesn't know anything about his past, or what god has reawakened him, or if that god is ever going to come back, or when was the last time he lived, or why he has the quiet urge in the back of his head that tells him to destroy. hes fine tho dw

Lorelei Celestia pronouns: she/her sexuality: lesbian age: 28 preferences: every woman ever <;3 about her: Lorelei grew up in Lion's Arch. She was trained in an undergroud fight club when she was a teen, though that one shut down when a child literally exploded and opened a demonic portal in the process problems came up. Nowadays she's a roller beetle racer and general bad-guy-smasher, together with her asuran brother Vinzz, and her new wet hamster Ambrose.

Kang Ryumi pronouns: she/her sexuality: bisexual age: around 18 or 19, probably? preferences: someone that's free and rebellious, someone that shares her passion for music, someone that doesn't have a problem with presenting themselves to the world about her: Ryumi awoke somewhere in cantha, and stumbled into a little fishing village where she was taken in by two siblings that, just like her, were kind of outcasts. She had always loved music, and slowly worked herself up to become canthas biggest pop idol. she had planned to tour through all of tyria, until her label dropped her. now she's on her own, working on becoming properly independent.

Léandra "Léa" Rose Grey pronouns: he/she/they sexuality: bisexual age: 32 preferences: man. just anyone at this point. about them: Lèa's had a- complicated life. A bit too much to get into now. But I'll let you know that love has never ended well for Léa, having a onesided crush for years on the most pathetic man in Divinity's Reach, then being dumped by the literal commander, then having a onesided crush on his best friend. Maybe they've kinda given up by now. She's a contract killer nowadays, and quite lonely. They haven't seen their friends/ex guild members in a long time, and the only person he's been around in the past, what, four years, was her mentor. And that mentor isn't the best company, to be honest.

Prima Glittergore pronouns: she/her sexuality: asexual lesbian age: 29 preferences: strong, tall, sexy. about her: Prima technically was a head pact engineer, except that people didn't really listen to her as much as they should. Her work was often seen as over the top and not as practical- and to be clear, her inventions ARE very practical, but they're ALSO very stylish, and it's not her fault you're scared by a little bit of glitter. She's an incredible engineer with a love for pink, ribbons, rainbows and blood.

Wrennih "Wren" pronouns: he/him sexuality: lesbian age: 32 preferences: Wren would probbaly prefer to be with other asura, but aside from that he doesn't care a lot. about him: Wren used to be Inquest, but he doesn't talk about that a lot- they just happened to be the only one's to fund his fascination with time and space. he left after breaking up with his then girlfriend and decided to redeem himself by joining the pact during the fight against mordremoth. he still feels the need to help tyria in any way he can, though he does kind of miss the chances he had with the inquest and the research he was able to do there.

Song Byungjoon pronouns: he/him sexuality: bisexual age: 27 preferences: EVERYONE!!!! about him: Byungjoon is an outlaw, a gambler, a flirt, and most importantly: a large dumbass. He gets himself into trouble with every breath he takes. he's been travelling around the jade sea for a long while, and somehow, slowly, absorbed a suspicious amount of draconic energy. during his travels, he also met the one person that is willing to save his ass everytime he gets himself jailed again:

Nagisa Shadowshot pronouns: they/them sexuality: asexual lesbian age: 33 preferences: someone a little calmer and more responsible, to balance out their mess of a brother, but also someone thats willing to take the first step and apporach them about them: Formerly a shrine maiden near the harvest tample, Nagisa now travels cantha and beyond with Byungjoon. theyre swift, smart and deadly. Shadows surround them, certainly more than their own one. Thyr're hesitant to talk to new people and prefer to keep to themselves.

Cynorion "Cyno" pronouns: he/him sexuality: bisexual age: 30 preferences: someone that can ground him, that he can relax around. someone that is able to rest, someone that isn't chasing a big goal about him: Cyno is a Secondborn and has taken on many different roles in his life. he's been a mender, a guide to the newly awakened, has tried to be a healer, a warden- in the end, nothing he does ever feels right. he feels like he doesnt belong, doesnt have a purpose, the grove isnt his home, but neither is any other place in tyria. he really just wishes he could sit down with his animal companions and play his lute forever, somewhere in nowhere.

Bo pronouns: she/her sexuality: pansexual age: 23 preferences: someone who is willing to give her a lot of attention about her: Bo, or as she prefers to be called, Musical Genius Bo, is tyrias BEST music producer ever and ever, for real, like really. her tunes are so good and great and by the alchemy shes so fucking good at music. she can just feel it. she can feel the vibes and vibrations in the air and all. truth is, Bo's music is absolute dogshit, but shes a girl with a dream and one day she will produce even for people like Ryumi or something. shes freespirited and positive, and probably the definition of the word "girlypop".

Liang Haoyu pronouns: he/him sexuality: gay age: "25" preferences: a cultured person that appreciates good music and fashion and art, and maaaybe someone who doesnt mind blood and murder and being tenderly bitten about him: Haoyu is a diva, he's dramatic, he's artistic, he's an instrument maker and quite the performer. he has mastered nearly every instrument there is and once was, probably because he's had a lot of time on his hands to do so, having been "alive" since long before the jade winds destroyed his home. he's seen his friends and lovers come and go, come and go, come and go, and he's gotten used to it, but that doesnt mean that if he makes a connection, it's any less meaningful to him.

[lover-of-skellies]

As a Killer simp, I feel compelled to ask about your thoughts on Killer's smoochability

Killer's smooch-ability rating is a 3 out of 12, and if you're at all interested in my reasoning, feel free to read below the cut :P

1) How dangerous is Killer's mouth? His teeth aren't sharp or jagged, they're flat, so violent personalities and habits aside, I feel like his mouth is relatively safe. Y'know, assuming he's in a decent mood at the time of the smooching. 1 point for this, because his mouth is safe, but he himself is not

2) Would he bite, and how aggressive is he? Killer does just what his name states: he kills them. That being said, he also hallucinates from time to time, so we know he's not in his right mind. I feel like if he felt compelled to, he would absolutely bite. Because of his murderous nature, we can also count on him being pretty aggressive, so sadly, no points here

3) Would there be any health hazards to the smoocher? Aside from his physical strength as a monster, his magical abilities, and the knife he seems to regularly carry around, I'd also be concerned about his liquid hate tears situation. Because his "tears" are made of liquid hate, I have no idea what that could do to a person's health, so I'm deeming it a potential health hazard. Again, he gets no points for this area

4) Does he have a sympathetic backstory? From what I understand of Killertale, he agreed to work with Chara willingly and ended up killing everyone in his own au, including his own Papyrus. One could argue that he had valid reasons for that choice or that he probably saw no other way to handle the resets and everything that was going on, but at the end of the day, they we just that: a conscious choice that he made. Instead of continuing to resist or seek help from others, he killed everyone around him. So... I love Killer, but he's not getting any sympathy points, sad to say

5) Does he deserve a smooch? Frankly.... no, I don't think he does. Yes, he can be helpful (mostly to Nightmare whenever Nightmare manages to persuade him or puts him in a position where he can't say no), and he can be funny at times, but I don't think those things would earn him a smooch

6) Is he cute or cool? I'd say he's a pretty cool guy and he's got a neat design, so I definitely see the appeal of him. I'd give him 2 points here, I'd say

In total, he gets a 3. He's charming and he's a flirt, but smooching him would be like the equivalent of trying out reddit 50/50 irl. There's a 50% chance it'll be the best kiss of your life, or a 50% chance that you'll get maimed the instant he processes what just happened (or you might be affected by the liquid hate somehow). He'd be momentarily stunned, but I feel like he's not exactly a safe option, as he's violent and may stab you if he sees an opening or thinks killing you would be beneficial. Again, I love him, I'm just trying to rate him as fairly as possible without any bias or anything