#and it will be alastor pov

[demonforthesemen]

When I write the "Lucifer and Lilith wake up one day and realize that they are in a them-centric semi-nonsexual throuple with Alastor, who absolutely made the decision to make a place for himself in that relationship" fic, then you will all see.

(It will come complete with special shoutout to @cryptidbytes because they were the one who said Alastor would be the one to look at lucilith and be like, "I deserve only the best and that is the best" and take direct action from there)

[diabloku]

"Miss Me?" 💋

Love his new outfit~

[nabesthetics]

hey. hey. hey. are you sleeping. hey. wake up. hey

[mydeerfellow]

Sometimes when you're ace (or aroace), you come across a person that you really, really, really like. It's platonic, but it's also really intense (especially in the honeymoon phase), and there's this sense of obligation because this other person really, really, really likes you back, but they're a normie, which means they absolutely want to touch junk.

Now, there are a few categories of us ace folk. We're like cat colors. All very pretty, all very unique.

Let's just say you're what most would consider sex-indifferent. You don't love the idea, but you're not mad at it - if it's a special occasion, or you want to do something selfless and nice for your person, you might even initiate. It's not being disingenuous so much as just... seeing it as an act. A way to pass time. It feels good, now and then. A very unnecessarily sticky hobby, even.

Maybe you keep that up for the rest of your lives together, or maybe after 15 years, you find yourself more and more opposed to getting unnecessarily sticky for no reason. Not such a big problem for you, but kind of a big fucking deal for your partner.

so anyway then you burn down his house and he starts dating a moth and it's fine it's not like you even noticed whatever who fucking cares nobody cares you live in a nice hotel now BY YOURSELF

[hazbinhotei]

giving in.

read part one here — the alternate, bad ending.

warnings/tags: angst, you bitchslap alastor, alastor is bad at feelings, happy ending

word count: 2729

summary: Fed up with Alastor's relentless push-and-pull, you finally confront him, forcing him to face the emotions he's been desperately trying to deny.

alastor x gn!reader. ugh, sorry for the delay! the last 12 or so hours have not been kind to me so i'm so glad i'm finally able to publish the happy ending to this little mini fic. i normally don't like making reader too headstrong because i know that's not realistic for most sinners dealing with the radio demon, but i just had to give them a moment to humble alastor. feel free to imagine any details you'd like for reader's powers—i made it vague enough for you to self-insert whatever you'd like!

A lapse in judgment, nothing more.

You stewed over the note for another hour, the words burned into your mind as the morning passed by in a blur. You tried to go about your day, pushing through your usual routine, but no matter what you did, the paper in your pocket felt like a lead weight. You don't even know why you brought it along with you—perhaps you believed you'd get the chance to discuss it with the very Sinner who wrote it. But as you continued about your day, it gnawed at you, every cruelly scribbled letter carving itself deeper into your mind—an echo of rejection you weren’t sure you could bear.

What made it worse (what made it infuriating!) was Alastor himself.

He was avoiding you.

Not in the way one might normally avoid an awkward situation, but actively, strategically. The moment you entered a room, he was suddenly finding a reason to leave. If you turned your head too quickly, you’d catch him watching you, only for his eyes to dart away as if he hadn’t been staring a second ago. He kept himself busy, chatting up the others in the hotel, putting on his usual performance like nothing was wrong—except you weren’t buying it.

It reminded you of before, back when he first started avoiding you. Back then, you had spent days wondering what you had done to offend him, whether you had somehow crossed some invisible line you weren’t aware of. You always took pride in being one of the few people Alastor seemed to actually enjoy, even apologizing when he snapped at you for making his coffee incorrectly.

(Which you knew was a complete lie even if he didn't admit the truth to you—how hard could it be to fuck up black coffee?)

But now? After everything? After last night? You knew why he was avoiding you—and the realization that it was over something so petty as his own feelings made your irritation skyrocket.

If he wanted to pretend last night never happened, shouldn’t he be the one acting like nothing happened? Not skulking away like some cowardly housecat every time you stepped too close? The hypocrisy of it made your eye twitch, frustration bubbling inside you with every new encounter.

By the time the sun had dipped lower in the sky, you were seething. Enough was enough.

You finally caught him when he was alone, tucked away in the hotel lounge, nose buried in a book like he hadn’t been fleeing like a guilty man all day. Your hands clenched at your sides as you marched straight up to him, your footsteps loud and purposeful.

"You!"

Alastor barely had time to look up before you slammed the crumpled note down on the table in front of him. The force of it caused his book to jolt slightly, the crisp slap of paper against wood ringing through the quiet room. You took solace in the way his ears shot straight up, reminiscent of a scared animal that had just been shot.

His gaze flickered from the note to your furious face, his usual grin faltering for a fraction of a second. "Ah, dearest! What a delightful surprise! Whatever seems to be the matter?"

Your brows lowered at his nonchalant tone, your claws pressing harshly into your palms as you made a fist. "Explain."

Alastor blinked, the faux innocence he wore doing nothing to quell your anger. "Explain what, my dear?" he asked, voice light and airy, as if you weren’t seconds away from tearing into him.

You exhaled sharply, yanking the note back off the table and shaking it in front of his face. "This! You left this in my room after everything that happened last night, and now you’re back to acting like I’m some spectre haunting the halls! What the Hell is your problem, Alastor?!"

A record scratch played in the air around you, his eyes owlishly blinking at you. He straightened slightly, his grin frozen in place, as if trying to determine whether this was some elaborate trick being played on him. "Why, I haven’t the faintest idea what you mean," he said, the sound smooth but ever so slightly strained.

You scoffed, the sheer audacity of his act making your blood boil. "Oh, don’t you dare play dumb with me! Was none of it real? Did you mean nothing you said?" You sucked in a breath, willing yourself to steady, but your voice still shook as you continued. "Tell me to my face—right now—if this was one of your stupid, cruel ways to find joy in someone else's suffering. Say it meant nothing and I promise to forget about this entire thing."

Alastor’s eyes narrowed, searching your snarling face for a fraction before opening his mouth. But unlike his usual quick quips, he merely let it hang open for a moment, hesitating.

And that was all you needed to see.

Rage flared hot inside you, bubbling over uncontrollably as you waved your arms in the air dramatically. "See? See?! You can’t say it! Because it wasn’t a lie, was it?! You’re lying now, trying to act like it never happened, like it didn’t mean anything, but it did! And you know it did. So why, Alastor? Why are you running from this?!"

Alastor clenched his jaw, his smile taut. His fingers drummed lightly against the table, a fleeting movement before he crossed his arms, expression shifting into something more calculated. He tilted his head, his brows furrowing as he finally looked at you again. "Really, you should be grateful for such a selfless gesture."

Your breath hitched. "What?!"

He only flashed his yellow fangs at you, getting up to stand as he squinted at you like you were a total nuisance. "Are you saying this little temper of yours is because I had one lonely night where I merely seeked out your comfort? Honestly, I don’t even remember what I said due to my exhaustion. Surely, I know you’re better than this—causing such a fuss over something so trivial, cher.”

Your eye twitched. The boiling irritation in your chest finally burst, having enough of his stubbornness. You felt your powers bursting at the seams, your fury manifesting physically into your Sinner form. Before you could even think about the consequences of slapping one of the most feared Overlords in Hell, you raised your hand, swiftly swiping it across his left cheek. Alastor’s head snapped to the side, the loud crack of your palm ringing in the air. He stayed frozen for a moment, blinking—processing—before his expression twisted by your act of defiance.

A burst of radio static crackled through the room, piercing and deafening, as shadows exploded outward from where Alastor stood. His eyes flickered—the glowing red of his sclera now replaced by pools of black, his pupils now radio dials. His antlers twisted and grew, stretching toward the ceiling as he glared at you, his sharp-toothed grin baring frustration rather than amusement.

"May I remind you who you're dealing with, dearest." His voice echoed unnaturally, layered, crackling with barely restrained emotion. "I've erased Sinners from existence for far less than this."

You merely matched his wrath, glaring at him as his body slowly grew in size. Perhaps you had fully lost your sanity at this point, but something deep within you knew Alastor wouldn't just leave you shredded on the plush red carpet, body dismantled in the middle of the lounge. No, instead you pushed on, knowing—hoping—that deep down, Alastor truly meant every word he said to you last night. That maybe you were more important than he led on.

"Do it, then. If I care so little to you, kill me right now, Alastor." You snarled, pointing a brazen finger into his large chest as you peered up at him. "But I know that deep down, even if it'll take me years to heal from your damage, you'll be tormented for the rest of your life by the thought of me." 

Your words were an absolute bluff—a shot in the dark that you secretly prayed wouldn’t make your screams the newest addition to his broadcast. But by the way Alastor’s smile faltered, you were told everything you needed to know. 

Green stitches pulled at the edges of his mouth, a sinister, matching glow beginning to seep from his body. "I won't play this little mind game of yours."

You lifted your chin boldly as you gave him a challenging look. "Yet you're the one who started this in the first place."

Alastor let out a sharp laugh, his head tilting down with amusement, but it lacked its usual careless charm. "Ha! If you think you'll make me, the Radio Demon, admit to feeling any sort of weak emotion such as love and want, then you are sorely mistaken."

"Loving and wanting do not make someone weak, Alastor." Your voice was firm, unwavering. You observed him closely, looking for a crack in his guise, any sign that your words were getting through. 

His expression hardened, though the forced sharpness in his tone betrayed his dismissive front. "Now, why would I ever foolishly allow myself to pine for a demon who doesn't return the sentiment?"

You inhaled sharply, steadying yourself, willing your voice to stay firm. You shook your head, a bitter scoff escaping your lips before you finally spoke. “And what makes you think I don’t?”

Silence.

Alastor froze, his overgrown form stilling at your words. The eerie light around him flickered, dimming as his ears twitched, his mind struggling to process something so simple, yet so impossibly profound. "Pardon?" he asked, voice uncharacteristically quiet, almost breathless, like he truly couldn't believe what he'd just heard.

You glared up at his dumbfounded appearance, waiting—almost daring him—to challenge you further. You studied him, searching for any sign that he might still go through with his threats, that he might lash out just to prove a point. But as the tension in his frame wavered, as his shoulders slowly relaxed, you knew. You had cracked something deep inside him, shattered the beliefs he had clung to so stubbornly, proving them false in a way he never expected.

You pursed your lips, dragging in a deep breath before letting it out in a long, frustrated groan. Your arms crossed tightly over your chest, shoulders slumping under the sheer weight of your exasperation. With a heavy hand, you pinched the bridge of your nose, as if physically holding yourself back from snapping outright. "You're so fucking annoying," you swore under your breath, eyelids fluttering down as you tried to calm yourself.

You heard Alastor shift in front of you, your eyes opening back up to see him shrinking back to his usual frame. His pupils were now back to their usual glowing red, wide and bright, like a deer in headlights, his smile laced with confusion. "Wha—"

"Nope. You're going to listen to me now." You cut him off, lifting the hand you were massaging your nose bridge with to shut him up. "You're the most infuriating man in all of Hell. Do you even hear yourself? Do you realize how ridiculous all this is? All of this running, all of this hiding—over what?"

You swallowed hard, your throat tightening as nerves suddenly coiled in your stomach. You forced yourself to take a grounding breath, shutting down the instinct to backtrack from the truth you were about to reveal. Confessing your feelings for him—no matter how pissed off you were over this entire thing—felt like stepping off a ledge with no idea what was waiting at the bottom. But you couldn't turn back now, you cared far too much about yourself (and, ultimately, Alastor) to let this game of cat and mouse continue on any further. "I’ve always... liked you, you idiot. I just thought you didn’t like me like that. You didn’t exactly strike me as the type who... well, did love."

The static softened, his shoulders loosening ever so slightly as he stared at you, as if hearing you for the first time. The residual shadows curling around the room wavered before beginning to settle, but his breath still came in uneven huffs, his chest rising and falling in sharp, measured movements. His brows were still furrowed—but he remained frozen, trapped in the weight of a truth he never thought he’d hear. His lips parted slightly, but no words came.

Letting out a slow sigh, you stepped forward, bridging the gap between you both. His breath hitched, as if he was terrified of what you'd do, but he didn’t retreat, didn’t resist. Your gaze, though softer, didn't change from the incredulous look from earlier, but you still reached out, your fingers hesitantly cupping his cheek. His skin twitched beneath your touch, as if startled, but then—instinctively, reflexively—he leaned into it, his eyes studying yours as if he couldn't believe what was happening.

"I’m here, Alastor," you murmured, your voice lowered but steady. "I want this. I want you. If you’ll let me."

He placed a warm hand on your wrist, tightening around it ever so slightly, as if testing to see if you were real. "You mean it?"

"Don't piss me off again." You deadpanned, but as Alastor's expression didn't change, you sighed, answering his question seriously. "But yes, I mean it."

A long, silent pause settled between you two as Alastor didn't reply, simply scanning your face for what felt like eternity. You hummed lowly, taking the moment to note the small details in his face—the sharp slope of his nose, the dark circles under his eyes, even the faint X that hid beneath his hair. Alastor seemed to be doing the same, watching your face as if he was engraving every single detail to memory, worried he wouldn't be able to hold you this close again.

After a moment, his closed mouth widened, lips thinning as he took in a slow, shaky breath. "This... this will be difficult," he admitted, his voice quieter than you’d ever heard it. "I've never done"—He cleared his throat, slightly nervous—"this before. I can't promise I’ll do it right."

You slowly smiled, soft and reassuring, shaking your head as all traces of impatience and anger were dispelled by the vulnerability in his words. "You don’t have to get it right, Alastor. You just have to try."

He dipped his chin in a bit, hesitation flickering across his features. He was nervous. You found the idea laughable; he, the great Alastor, was nervous. But after a long beat, he meekly nodded, your eyes shining at his silent acceptance.

"I admit that this"—You motioned to the space between the two of you—"might have a huge learning curve for the both of us, but I promise that I am entirely yours." You ignored the slight blush on your cheeks from your brazen words, lifting your pinky finger to him. “As long as you are wholeheartedly and shamelessly mine."

Alastor glanced down at your extended pinky, chuckling lowly at your gesture. He interlocked his pinky with yours, looking at you with an emotion you had first and only seen last night, in the shadows of your room—adoration. He nodded, leaning his forehead down to meet yours with unexpected tenderness. "You, my dear, continue to astound me in ways I never thought possible."

You couldn't help the grin that broke through your face, poking his cheek playfully. "I hope you know I haven’t forgiven you for deserting me in the middle of the night... yet."

Alastor beamed at your words, pulling away to laugh, the sound rich and full. Then, without warning, he lifted you, spinning you around effortlessly. You gasped, surprised at the sudden feeling of being airborne, clasping onto his shoulders tightly. He placed you down, and as you recovered from the dizzy motion, he pulled your frame into a warm embrace. "That's fine with me, mon amour. I now have eternity to make up for it."

You huffed, still flustered from being twirled, "Maybe I should have just listened to your stupid note."

His smile softened as he looked at you, his movements more tentative and apologetic in the way he leaned down to meet your height. He hesitated for only a second before rubbing his nose lightly against yours, his voice uncharacteristically gentle.

“I am infinitely grateful you did not.”

tag list: @sirens-and-moonflowers @diffidentphantom @catticora @onth3cusp @frompiscium @rose-in-blue [for the ones who asked to be tagged for this story, please let me know if you'd like to be added to my reoccuring tag list for all my fics!]

[starryeyeddreamer21]

Radiodust from Vox's pov is so funny to me actually

Like why is your situationship's boytoy (who you hate) dating your ex something or other (who you you also hate)? That's so embarrassing for you

The fit he'd throw on live television would be impressively ridiculous

[nnmdraws]

"Daddy, can we keep him?"

Work doodle again

[i-probably-ship-it]

Lucifer and Alastor when they arrive at the hotel to pick up y/n

Lucifer: Your crazy king and king of crazy have arrived!

Alastor: I thought you promised NOT to use that ridiculous line?

Lucifer: we're in Hell Alastor...

Y/n standing dumbfounded staring at the two: you lost me at crazy king and king of crazy-

[vestathenervous]

[theineffableoystercatcher]

[laglord2000]

Fighting over daughter

Without Charlie below the cut!

Yes it’s that one scene from rottmnt

[hismercytomyjustice]

Please accept my humble (belated) RadioApple offering for AU Goggles Week, Day One: Reincarnation. If you’re so inclined, you can find it on ao3 at Wounds Only You Can Mend.

Preview Below!

📻 🍎 📻 🍎 📻 🍎 📻 🍎 📻 🍎

Flower language was another thing he’d learned from Alastor. After their first big fight, the Radio Demon had shown up the next day with an enormous bouquet of black roses, petunias, begonias, rhododendrons, tansies, and monkshood. Lucifer had been touched by the gesture and conjured up a vase to properly display them for all to see.

That was until Rosie visited, saw the arrangement, and asked who wanted him dead. 

He’d been torn between mortification and awe at the sheer pettiness of it all. It had been the first of many lessons on the backhanded compliments and passive aggressiveness he’d thought unique to Al, only to learn both qualities were actually a biological imperative needed to survive life within the Bible Belt.

Lucifer made a point to educate himself on flower language after that, though he often only needed to see the size of a flower arrangement to gauge how much trouble he was in.

[jalicecookie]

Ducky Pin

A Easter Gift for my @ritualofcirice and just some Ducks, Fluff and an kind off annoyed Radio Demon, who doesent know how to deal with tiny little Toddler Daugther Premie Baby of the King of Hell <3 have a wonderful Easter my Dear Frined <3

"Whoops, careful little duckling! Daddy doesn't want you to fall, right? Daddy's always soooo worried when you or Mommy are in the hospital…taking a big step on the sidewalk, right?"

You giggle once after your father, Lucifer Morningstar, grabs your wrist to prevent you from falling.

At almost 3 years old, you discovered walking a few weeks ago, and that was one of the reasons your parents set up some baby gates and safety precautions in the royal palace.

When a former premature baby takes their first steps, it's always exciting for parents…for you, it's a whole new step toward more mobility. You like walking; it's much…faster than being carried or crawling!

"Daddah! Me walking!" - you say, giggling, trying to walk a little faster, holding the hand of the King of Hell.

"Char Char, show !" you add, stumbling again at how well Lucifer saved you from a fall and then picked you up after all.

To which you respond with a less than happy whine. Lucifer pats your head once and looks at you worriedly for any injuries from that near-fall.

"Of course we can show Char Char how great you can walk, Duckling, but don't walk too fast, otherwise your old daddy will have a heart attack, and so will your mommy. Now, now, don't get nervous, Duckling, I'll let you walk later when we get back to the ground at the hotel, yes - but you'll be a tiny bit safer in Daddy's arms, right?"

You look at your father for a moment and then try to kick the little shoes on your feet to be lowered to the ground. But Lucifer wants to protect you...to protect you from yourself and avoid hitting the ground.

But you want to develop this new ability further and, of course, proudly show your big sister Char Char what you can do! And Vaggie too! Aaaand Keekee and Razzle and Dazzle!

"Daddah! wanna walk!" - you start to whimper.

"Oh no, no tears, baby, nonononoooo....look, love, look what Daddah has here! Look ooooh!" - Lucifer tried to distract you and a few moments later held out a small Ducky bin to you.

One of his latest inventions. A pin with a little duck with a crown on its head.

"Ducky Pin!" you exclaim, fascinated, and take it with both hands.

The sadness of now being carried by your father was forgotten, and so Lucifer was able to enter the Hazbin Hotel without any problems. In the entrance hall, you were then placed back on the floor as Vaggie and Angel immediately took over Lucifer.

That was okay with you, because you really wanted to show Keekee that you could walk now! Then you'd definitely be able to play hide-and-seek with her much better...or catch with Razzle and Dazzle. But something else caught your attention, while your father, with a mixture of interest and confusion, responded to Vaggie and Angel's ideas, only half-watching you.

Because Alastor, the radio demon, entered the entrance hall.

Char Char said he's nice if you're nice to him. Vaggie said he's not a nice demon. Mommy said Alastor is a very stubborn demon, and Daddah doesn't like Alastor. You've only met Alastor a few times, and he's always had a big grin on his face and kept his distance.

But you were just about to show Alastor the Ducky Pin. So you padded the few steps toward the radio demon, who only realized too late that the preemie baby had now discovered the wonderful world of locomotion on two legs and that it would have been better for Alastor to quickly make a run for it – but too late for Alastor, so you stopped in front of him and beamed at him.

"Hi Allystar!"

Alastor's right eye twitched for a moment, his grin widened a bit before he turned his gaze down at you.

"Oh hello, little one! I see you've mastered the new form of walking - how…gratifying for you!"

You nod proudly and demonstratively stamp your right and left shoes on the ground.

"Me walk! Ooooh…gift for Allystar!"

You hold out the Ducky Pin to him, and for a moment, Alastor just looks at the pin and then into your expectant toddler eyes.

"You know… I don't like ducks, they're not my… favorite animals!"

"Ducks, Daddah's favorite animals!"

"Oh, who would have thought?"

"Daddah King!"

"Oh, I had no idea!"

"Mommy queen, Char-Char Princess! Ducky pin!"

"Hmmmmhh… oh… hmmmm"

"Allystar Ducky Pin!"

"And why should I accept a gift that doesn't have my favorite animal?"

"Ducky besties!"

There was no point in Alastor arguing with you; you wanted to give him the Ducky Pin, because he absolutely didn't want it.

"Quack…quack…quuuuaaak," you say, imitating a little duck as you start walking somewhat clumsily around Alastor.

The Radio Demon's grin widened even further. It was unclear whether he was at the end of his patience or found it amusing.

Not finding it so amusing was Lucifer, who almost had a heart attack for the second time that day when he noticed Alastor bending down to you, finally taking the Ducky Pin, and had the audacity to pat your head to stop you from making another loud quuaaaak.

"Ha…ha…haaa darling, what did Daddah tell you about the Radio Demon? Come here, come to me!" Lucifer had crouched down, and you waved Alastor by-by with both hands, taking unsteady steps toward Lucifer.

Charlie, who entered the lobby at that moment, was completely thrilled and stopped you halfway and announced the following to the entire staff present in the lobby:

"Naaaaw, my baby sister took her first steps, YAY!"

THE END

[charliewhaw]

what do you think Alastor would do if Lucifer flirted with him?

(Gasp! RadioApple! AppleRadio! Whichever it is! This will be fun!) (( Post edited and contributed to by balloondrifloon ))

“No, your Majesty, I think I’ve got bigger priorities,” Alastor said with a smirk, his eyes squinting at his short-people joke.

Lucifer frowned. That was enough! He wasn’t taking any more short comments from this man. He’d give him a taste of his own medicine!

“Are you a fire alarm?!” Lucifer asked loudly, watching in delight as the red-haired man’s smile faltered slightly and he tilted his head in confusion.

“A fire alarm?”

“Because you’re making my heart race and my blood boil!” Lucifer grinned triumphantly, placing his hands on his hips and narrowing his eyes at Alastor.

“I-.. Wha-..” Alastor stuttered, raising a brow at the king.

Lucifer paused. Holy shit… He didn’t just–… He fucking used a pick up line on Alastor! Lucifer’s pale cheeks flushed golden as his angelic blood bloomed across his face. He tried to salvage his comment, “I-I mean–!” He pointed up at the other man, “Y-You–!” There was no rescuing this.

Alastor shook his head to rid himself of his stupor, then cleared his throat and summoned his cane with his usual flair. “Anyway, ahem. I must go and attend to these ‘bigger’ priorities, my Liege.” He shot Lucifer a smug grin and disapparated into his shadows.

Wait a minute. Had Alastor not even noticed? Did Lucifer just get away with flirting with Alastor? Well goddamn, it seemed the deer was denser than a brick when it came to flirting. To be honest, so was Lucifer, but at least he had practice with Lilith. Shit… Why was he still blushing?

---

“Charlie, my dear, why is there a red circle around the words ‘French toast’ in the hotel’s financial report?” Alastor smiled sweetly at Lucifer’s daughter. He showed her the papers the girl had handed him and pointed at the circle in question.

“Oh! That’s– wait, why did I write and circle that?” Charlie took the papers and examined them, bewildered by her own actions.

Alastor waited patiently for Charlie to come to some kind of conclusion. He was standing far too close to his daughter for Lucifer’s liking. “Hey, Alastor!” Lucifer called, causing both the demon and the half angel to look up at him.

“If good looks could kill,” Lucifer smirked, feeling the blood already pooling in his cheeks, “You’d be a weapon of mass destruction!”

Charlie’s jaw dropped.

Alastor squinted his eyes, “Pardon?”

“You heard me,” Lucifer felt the adrenaline of the flirt kicking in. Seeing Alastor’s face as he searched for an answer in Lucifer’s eyes was thrilling. He had no idea what Lucifer was doing, and his ignorance was… really cute? Endearing even. Was he serious? Did he find this obnoxious demon cute?

“My,” Alastor placed his hands behind his back proudly, “Thank you!”

“What?” Lucifer blinked. “What– what do you mean ‘Thank you’?” Had he understood that pickup line? Was he… accepting it? Lucifer’s face flushed even harder.

“While I appreciate these compliments, Lucifer, I was in the middle of something,” Alastor’s smile twitched with conceit. Oh. He thought Lucifer was just complimenting him. Was he fucking for real? This fucking guy.

Charlie stumbled over her words, “I-Uh-Wha-I-”

“French toast?” Alastor said cutely as he tilted his head, trying to get Charlie back on track, his ego now inflated.

Fucking narcissit.

--

Alastor was an idiot, Lucifer decided.

Both men were sitting on the couch as Shifty (Was that the little maid’s name?) played with-- wait... Roach corpses? Okay, then. She was apparently putting on some sort of puppet show for the two of them. Lucifer wasn’t sure how he or Alastor got roped into being her audience. It just kind of happened.

Alastor’s smile was closed-mouth and his lips were stretched thin in what Lucifer assumed as an attempt to keep from making a disgusted face that would hurt Drifty’s feelings. His eyes were crinkled at the corners, fondness for the maid’s antics showing in them. For a moment, Lucifer wished Alastor would look at him that way.

He leaned closer to the radio demon, making Alastor’s eyes flick to him without moving his head. Lucifer whispered, “Is your name Chaos?” He cautiously reached out and touched Alastor’s leg, “Because you’re turning my world upside down.”

Alastor froze. After a second, his eyes widened. They darted between Lucifer’s soft smile and his hand on Alastor’s thigh. He abruptly pulled away, scooting himself across the couch and putting his back against the armrest.

Lucifer’s smile widened at this reaction. Alastor’s did too, but for different reasons. He looked defensive and nervous, “What did you just say?” He asked in a much louder voice than Lucifer had flirted in.

Zifty leaned her head out from behind her makeshift stage, “Quiet! Juliet is just about to confess her feelings for Romeo!” The roach story had not been following the story of Romeo and Juliet at all, but it didn’t matter.

What mattered was Alastor looking so dumbfounded and pretty across from Lucifer. He wasn’t blushing, and maybe he even looked a little green around the gills, but the adrenaline Lucifer felt was exhilarating. He scooted closer and whispered again, “Are you a hurricane? Because you’re blowing me away.”

Alastor quickly stood up, “Well, Niffty! This was another excellent show, but I do believe I’ll be taking my leave now!”

Niffty (Her name was Niffty!) tossed down her roaches and stood up too, “But Mister Alastor! You said you’d watch the whole thing!”

“Plans have changed my, dear!” He patted her head in a panic and slipped into his shadows, promising to watch her next show to its entirety.

Niffty turned to glare at Lucifer like she knew this was somehow his fault.

--

Alastor avoided Lucifer for a while. It was frustrating. Lucifer wanted to see Alastor’s mind try to wrap itself around another pickup line. The facial expressions were gorgeous and Lucifer craved them. He–... fuckity fuck fuck. Fuck! Was he falling for Alastor?!

There was no way! He just liked seeing Alastor flustered was all! That was it. It was funny! Nothing else! That sentiment changed the moment Alastor entered the hotel. He had been out with Niffty and Charlie, picking flowers for an upcoming recruiting event. It wasn’t something Lucifer expected the man to do, but he supposed, somehow, the girls had worked their charms on him.

What he had expected even less was for Alastor to enter the hotel… covered in flowers. They decorated his antlers, wrapped around his ears, and dotted his hair. He was… he was gorgeous.

Well fuck. Lucifer had definitely fallen for Alastor.

He couldn’t stop himself from approaching the deer. The panic in Alastor’s eyes when he spotted the king was obvious. He hurriedly tried to hand Charlie his basket of flowers, “Here you are, Charlie! Excellent activity! One for the ages!” He tried to rearrange Charlie’s hold because her hands were too full to take his basket, “But I simply must be going now! Rosie is waiting for me! We have much to discuss about the–”

“Alastor,” Lucifer interrupted him.

Alastor froze, looking toward the shorter man and narrowing his eyes. His plans to disappear before Lucifer got there were squashed. Still holding his flower basket, he now placed it in front of himself like a barrier.

Lucifer ignored Charlie as she began whispering to Vaggie and Angel. Husk was there too, but he was just staring at them.

Perfect. An audience. If he did this in front of others, Alastor would fluster so hard it would be irresistible.

“Do you have a bandaid?” Lucifer asked, feeling his smirk growing wider.

Alastor’s lower eyelid twitched. He knew where this was going. No one else did. Charlie looked at her dad with concern, worried he might be hurt. Angel and Husk raised a brow at him. Niffty tilted her head.

“Because I scraped my knee when I fell for you.”

Niffty gasped loudly, putting her hands to her cheeks.

Charlie squeaked in shock.

Vaggie’s hands dropped to her sides as he mouth dangled open, befuddled.

Angel’s eyes widened and a grin slowly formed on his face, “Oh-ho! Holy fuck!”

Husk did a double take between Alastor and Lucifer.

But their reactions didn’t matter. Only Alastor’s did. Lucifer’s eyes greedily took in Alastor’s response to that pickup line– one of his better ones, he had to say.

Alastor, however, wasn’t flustered. He was staring at Lucifer like he was considering something. Wait, was he considering Lucifer’s feelings? Now, hold on a minute! Lucifer was only just now coming to terms with his feelings himself, Alastor wasn’t allowed to stop the chase just yet!

The deer-demon hummed to himself briefly before smiling wickedly at Lucifer and snapping his fingers. A bandaid appeared in his hands, and he handed it to Lucifer, “There you are, my good man. Wouldn’t want your boo-boo to get infected.” He set his basket down on the ground since no one was willing to take it, and saunted away from the group and toward the staircase, “Do take care of yourself, my king.” He stopped walking and looked over his shoulder, “Do that for me, will you?”

Lucifer’s blood ran hot at the smug look on Alastor’s face. Alastor then walked up the stairs and disappeared from view. This. Fucking. Guy!

“Okay, what the fuck, Dad?” Charlie asked, throwing her hands out. Everything she was holding onto fell to the floor, “Whoops!”

“I’m adding this to my ultimate bad boys fanfiction!” Niffty said, snickering to herself.

“Soooo, who’s the top?” Angel asked suggestively, crossing his upper arms and putting his lower hands on his hips.

“Fuck my life,” Husk mumbled, dragging a hand down his face.

Vaggie shook her head, “I’m out.” She walked off.

Lucifer ignored them all. He swallowed hard, trying to control the furious blush running across his cheeks. Alastor was planning something.

--

Alastor stopped avoiding Lucifer; This time he sought him out.

“Lucifer! My king!” Alastor exclaimed cheerfully, entering the room.

Lucifer, who had been reading a WickedWiki article on his phone called “How To Ask Someone Out instructions with pictures”, nearly dropped said phone when Alastor loudly greeted him.

Lucifer looked up, his heart fluttering at the sight of Alastor looking devastatingly handsome, as always, and so pleased to see him. He felt himself already beginning to blush and he hadn’t even started flirting with the redhead yet.

Alastor leaned against the armchair Lucifer was sitting in, “How are you today? Good? Good!” He was so close to Lucifer that Lucifer could have just reached out and pulled him into his lap.

Maybe noticing Lucifer’s eyes lingering on his waist, Alastor pulled away from the chair and backed up a bit. He smiled at Lucifer with a charismatic grin, “I have a proposal to make.” His words were calm but mischievous. Lucifer could smell a trick a mile away. He had once been Heaven’s ultimate prankster– well, just second to Uriel, but like… Fuck Uriel. He played dirty.

“A proposal, huh?” Lucifer asked, unable to keep his eyes off Alastor’s tiny waist now that he’d looked at it.

Alastor placed his cane, and his hands, in front of himself to block Lucifer’s view, “Yes, indeed! One I think you’d be most interested in!”

“I’m listening,” Lucifer said, though he wasn’t listening too hard. His eyes had gone up to Alastor’s face, craving the flustered look he had previously brought upon the man. What Alastor said next, instead, made Lucifer become flustered.

“I’ll go on a date with you, if you promise me a favor.”

Lucifer choked on his spit, “Y-You’ll do what?!”

“A date.” Alastor’s teeth clenched, “Provided you hold up your end of the bargain and grant me a favor.” He repeated his terms like he was worried Lucifer hadn’t heard them.

Lucifer stood up quickly, “Holy shit! Y-yeah! Fuck! A date? Are you serious?” He tossed his phone down into his chair, no longer needing the WickedWiki article. Alastor had asked him out. This was like a dream come true! 

Alastor extended his hand, “Excellent! A date for one favor!” He repeated again, Lucifer was starting to think he was trying to remind himself that and not Lucifer.

Lucifer took his hand and rubbed his thumb over the back of it, earning a shudder from Alastor, before he shook on the deal.

--

Today was the day.

Lucifer stood in the lobby, nervously adjusting his lapels. He had put on his best suit for this. He’d even had Razzle and Dazzle polish his nicest pair of boots! If he was going to take Alastor out, he was going to do it while he looked his best. The man cared a lot about appearances: Lucifer aimed to please his sense of aesthetic.

He stood in the lobby for a good 15 minutes, nervously adjusting his bowtie and fiddling with his hat. Alastor wasn’t late. Lucifer had been early. But the waiting was taking a toll on him. His mind started to wander.

What if Alastor didn’t show up? What if he decided Lucifer wasn’t good enough? What if–

Alastor’s shadow darted down the staircase. Lucifer held his breath as Alastor began to form in front of him. Once he was fully visible, Lucifer’s face grew hot. Alastor was wearing a fitted, crushed velvet, red suit that was open in the front to reveal a black vest that cinched at Alastor’s waist and made his chest look more prominent. Somehow, this made Alastor’s waist look even tinier. More grabbable. His coat was free from its usual tatters and was slightly shorter than his usual getup, making the deer’s legs seem longer than before. Gosh. Alastor sure was tall…

All of Lucifer’s previous worries melted away as his eyes beheld Alastor’s beauty. He was stunning.

Alastor held out his arm for Lucifer to take, “Shall we?”

Lucifer caressed Alastor’s arm before he took it in his own, ignoring how Alastor’s eyes twitched at this. He took a step forward and nearly tripped, “Gah!”

Alastor kept him from falling face first onto the ground. Lucifer looked down to see what he’d tripped over. It was Frank.

Frank rolled around on the ground before looking up at the two and going, “Ooohh!” then scurrying off. Lucifer would have to worry about what that meant later. He had a date to enjoy.

--

The hotel doors slammed open to Lucifer’s kick. He laughed jovially as he guided Alastor inside. That date was anything but romantic, but it sure was fun. Alastor had refused any form of romantic gestures, which bummed Lucifer out a bit, but he made up for it with his personality. Turns out Alastor was really good at unknowingly flirting with people. It got worse the drunker Alastor got.

And they were both very, very, exceptionally drunk.

“Are you a traffic jam? Because you’re driving me crazy!” Lucifer belted out, clinging to Alastor’s arms.

“Ha hahaha!” Alastor laughed, attempting to pull his arms away, but failing. He was too drunk to make much of an effort.

Tonight was amazing. It didn’t even bother Lucifer to see the rest of the hotel crew standing in the lobby, looking at them like they were nutcases.

“See? I told you the clown and the red man were going on a date!” Frank pointed at them, his goofy voice bellowing through the room.

“Holy shit,” was all that could be said.

Lucifer pulled Alastor closer to him. The ‘red man’ struggled to pull away, but Lucifer was stronger. He just held him for a minute before giving in to Alastor’s desire to be separated and letting him go.

Everything was perfect. He just needed another date. And maybe it was the alcohol talking, but he didn’t care if that meant giving Alastor a second favor.

[veetowervaporwave]

I don't think Val is jealous because of Vox's feelings for Alastor, in the sense that he doesn't feel threatened.

However, it does kind of annoy him the way Alastor can command all of Vox's attention just by existing, when Val needs to make a huge scene.

And yes, it's fun to have Vox all hot and bothered (and HOT!!) over Alastor (because Vox is a fake bitch and there's not a lot of things that make him show his real emotions, especially publically. And it's. Exhilarating). But it quickly gets old when he makes you sit through the fifth meeting this week about what to do with Alastor and blah blah blah it's sooooo lame

At least that recording of Alastor getting his ass kicked by Adam always gets Vox in the mood so there are some benefits I guess :/

[cringefailvox]

“May I ask what you’re trying to make me do?” Alastor inquired politely. “Sing ‘Yankee Doodle’,” Vox said, not breaking eye contact. “Evidently it isn’t working.” “Oh, I think I almost felt something.” “Really?” Alastor blinked a few times, a little enamored with the burning afterimages of Vox’s glowing features impressed onto the backs of his eyelids. “Never mind. Just a bit of a headache from how long this exercise has been dragging on.”

or: what's a little hypnotism and under-negotiated d/s play between friends? :] written for vox switch week over on twitter, day 6: overstim + hypnosis, and inspired in large part by @scarletandcyan's hypnosis practice art that burrowed into my brain and made a home there. go check them out and show them some love!! <3