#and it was only the front of my foot

[always-a-slut-4-ghouls]

My sixth grade teacher read us a story where someone got stomped to death by a moose (the only other thing i remember about the story was learning about snow blindness) and I’m just supposed to not be scared of moose? I think I’m more scared of moose than I am of grizzly bears. There are guides about how you can survive grizzly bears and how not to set them off and it’s pretty straightforward. Sure, it might not always work, but I’ve usually been ignored by grizzly bears. Moose have the anxiety of a prey animal though, even if most of the predators that went after American megafauna went extinct several thousand years ago. They still have predators, yeah, but adults are basically tanks that can easily handle different types of terrain. They are huge and they aren’t as cocky. They are also a bit less predictable. I don’t hate moose, and I’ve encountered more of them than i have grizzly bears (more black bears than both combined though, but they are fairly easy to exist around without panicking imo) but the moose scare me more. And the mom ones are more defensive than normal and male ones get all heated when they’re horny and if I’m not completely terrified around bears (most, I’m not going anywhere near polar bears if I can help it) because I listen to safety guides and I know all I can do is try to avoid either of us getting aggressive, I should probably be okay around moose, right? I mean, I listen to the advice about them and I’m careful, but no. Your sixth grade teacher reads a book where a guy gets trampled into some pile of viscera and you aren’t taking anxiety medication yet and suddenly you’re probably traumatized and are now scared of moose for life, and in a way that you aren’t scared of a lot of other animals. It doesn’t help that they can be a bit less predictable than bears and that the prion disease makes them a mess. I don’t really have anything against moose, I wouldn’t want to hurt one, but I’m also terrified of them in a way that I’m not scared of many other animals. Most of the other animals I’m scared of were also ones I learned something traumatizing about before I was medicated, but moose are the ones I run into most (aside from rodents but for some reason they aren’t as scary? Probably because the scary part isn’t the rodent themselves, but the haunta virus) so it feels like the most pressing one. I’ll be hiking (or sometimes just existing outside of town) and then a moose will show up and the people I’m with will be like “woah! Cool! Don’t you want to take a picture? You do photography” and I’m shaking a little because nope! I am not getting closer to the moose. I’m aware that they are 30ft away, that doesn’t mean that I’m not still scared.

[clouvu]

Missing them fr

[fujii-draws]

OKAY! Chatot rant in tags below! Read at your own discretion.

[coquelicoq]

i've thought about getting a shower chair but the thing is objects in the shower get mildewy. and i don't get faint in the shower that much anymore. so i feel like the number of times i would have to clean the chair would be greater than the number of times i would use the chair, which just isn't worth it to me. maybe someday that math will tilt back in the other direction, but until it does i will save myself the trouble of having another fucking object to clean.

[wizardlyghost]

need to be put in the machine that twists your bones and muscles into symmetrical and healthy positions

[trainingdummyrabbit]

sleepy. rambling about my beast but its completely off the dome and not even remotely sorted 👍 ok

i havent gotten to talk abt cocoa and hollys dynamic just yet but its very. Its Very. cocoa has never been very good with acknowledging a Self for. obvious reasons. its rather intense most times it happens-- they arent very comfortable around mirrors, dont like speaking unless spoken to, refuse to act unless directed. a kind of boil-over of hollys hypervigilance and desire to please. its a very deep-seated urge that doesnt really go away ever. a large part of cocoas instability Comes From her intrinsic aversion to registering herself, past Or present tense.

which is difficult, because at her core, cocoa is a very intense self-preservation instinct. its what she exists for. holly was deeply, Deeply self destructive to a terminal level, and never really showed any hesitation in denying herself anything she could. she refussd to see herself as worth much of anything... despite that being a defense tactic originally used to protect herself. wanting to live so desperately she was willing to reduce herself down into a negligibility, inadvertently becoming. well. That. its contradictory.

so the fact that cocoa exists to begin with really isnt all that surprising. she Did want to live, but conditioned herself to be terrified of acting on it. the best she thinks that she can do is leave it to someone else.

she never regrets it, by the way. not that it matters. even after she removes herself entirely, she wouldnt choose to do anything differently. its a resignation. shes done. its... any number of descriptions. sad, disappointing, pathetic. but thats the choice she made, and she wouldnt go back on it.

cocoa, though, isnt quite so cut and dry about it. she spends so long avoiding the memory of herself, almost disdainfully so, but even through that odd self-loathing, she still misses her. holly, i mean. not quite, but its hard to describe any other way. shes the result of a jumbled-up defense mechanism, of course she would be protective of her.

she resents the expectation that hollys existence puts on her, resents the lingering emotions still bleeding in from habit, from nature, spending so long wishing itd just fade to quiet already, but even still. as much as you distance yourself, losing a part of You isnt easy. to leave her alone to figure out how exactly to stand on her own two feet, out of choice, to walk forward with nothing but the fumes shes running on... kind of cruel, isnt it? it was, and she knows; and she knows this is simply how it would always be.

...she wasnt ever really there. past that, i mean. once shes gone, shes gone. all that can really remain is an echo, but even that is still your own voice. but its a game you have to play with yourself. to make it easier. its nice to pretend to have some last words at least, right? yeah. maybe she Would apologize. that would be nice.

odd thing to get so sentimental Now.

[dorkicon]

bitching abt my job again

tags contain frank mentions of transphobia and homophobia

[innko]

japanese medical negligence will drive you to american without health insurance behaviors

[dutybcrne]

No thoughts, just Kaeya getting the equivalent of dunmeshi’s mana sickness when he starts training up his Abyssal abilities during his time with the Ragnvindrs and getting plagued with visions from the leylines near the Winery for a solid Week

[rintoki]

what is the thing called when u put it on dogs or animals with sharp teeth so they don’t bite u i need to put that on wriothesley

[quick-drawn]

y'all ever had the cops called on you for parking legally, centered AND straight in a parking spot...? yeah — me either. at least not until today.

[doyouknowthemossinman]

i have completely normal feelings about this tiny man

[br1ghtestlight]

weird to think that if my vision in my left eye was as bad as it is in my right eye i would be almost completely blind. like im supposed to use my right eye more often to help with weakened eye muscles and alignment blah blah but i can't actually do anything without my left eye because i am literally unable to see. And its gotten significantly worse in the past few years so what am i supposed to do with this??

[thesnowqueen]

this one person at work was telling me how one of her cats got pregnant and then she had like 6 kittens she needed to find homes for. and she was also telling me how another kitten was the sweetest thing and had a such a big personality and then the kitten got hit by a car and she was really sad. it took all of my willpower to not snap and go "that's why you shouldn't let your cats go outside, dumbass"

[swaggypsyduck]

me: ya allah why do u make the men i love so embarrassing i cant keep defending them😮‍💨

also me: has no shame in committing to the bit so well i end up being the embarrassing one

[sleeping-realist-waking-dreamer]

saw this tiktok of some mom mocking her 10 yo kid for being unable to open a cd case earlier and have never gotten over it.

like are you mocking her or yourself here because you do realise you are. her parent. whos supposed to. teach her things. at some point. such as. i dunno. maybe. how to open a cd case. im just saying.