#and it took awhile before I started seeing a return in my investment of time and energy

[purplesaline]

In our current society (in North America and much of the western world) we can't completely avoid capitalism, but with some work and dedication we can reduce how much we have to participate in it.

Building community is hard, and it often requires a lot of up front investment in time and energy before you start seeing returns on that investment. I know not everyone is in a place where they can make those expenditures without getting anything back right away which is why it's even more important for those of us who can to start building sooner rather than later.

When you have a healthy, thriving community of people you can start withdrawing yourself more and more from reliance on a broken capitalist system. Yes there's mutual aid within a community but what's even more exciting to me is the option of participating in a barter/trade economy because it's so often more empowering for disabled folks and other marginalized groups that struggle in a capitalist economy.

And even more importantly than that, it's how we can survive a political landscape that is openly hostile to us. It's as impossible to avoid the fallout of the current political situation as it is to avoid participating in a capitalist economy, but being part of a strong and healthy community can at least help mitigate some of the harmful effects.

Neighbours sharing produce from their gardens can lessen the chances of food-borne illness as a result of lax food safety regulations.

Creating, maintaining, and sharing resources that help marginalized groups can help protect vulnerable people in your area when the larger resources are being dismantled or when people acting in bad faith are pretending to be a helpful organization.

Communities have more leverage (and resources) when it comes time to put pressure on local government to make progressive changes

As communities grow, empathy and compassion for the people in the community also spreads and that can help create allies against the bigotry and prejudice some of the community members face. When you're in community together with someone it's harder to depersonalize them. They aren't [insert oppressed group] member, they're the person who walks your dog and brings you beets in exchange for piano lessons, or the person who loaned you a spare tire so you could go to work and when you got home that evening they'd fixed your flat tire for free because they had the time and some spare material laying around from a repair they did on their own tire.

It's going to be really easy to give in to despair in the coming months and I'm not going to lie and say you can survive it. Some folks won't. I'm not going to lie and promise if you can make it through that things will get easier, they might not!

But if you can hang on I can promise you there's a chance things will get better, and I can promise you there's a whole heck of a lot of us out there trying to make sure it does get better. I can promise you that building community will help you survive when things start getting harder, and I can promise you that community can be a beacon of light in dark times, a bastion of hope in a desert of despair.

I know you're tired and I'll understand if you can't keep fighting, but I really hope you've got enough resilience left to hang on long enough to find a community to be part of.

[particular-one]

I noticed ur request are open I just have to request something aslo had this idea for awhile now I tried my best to explain it detailed hope this ok

May I request a crossover fic fan heng x Genshin impact reader where reader based of electro archon Raiden shogun and maybe reader gets transported to astral express /honkai star rail universe and Mets the team I Aslo wanted to elaborate on raiden past and how she is very closed off perosn due to her past experiences with people and is very hard to make Friends

Until she Mets dan heng and they grow close bond and maybe helps reader try return her homeland . You know how raiden has two forms maybe her body is unstable like in honkai universe (like how in story quest for Genshin Ei (Reader) body want able to be in control due to shogun and she had battle her puppet self in like the boss fight verison in game maybe she unlocks this form in Plane of Euthymia to keep herself from the effects of erosion. So Reader created the puppet Shogun to ensure immunity from the decay of her physical body.While in the Plane of Euthymia, maybe reader loses control of herself like in her new form shogun and Dan heng and the team have to reason with her I hope this makes sense I was trying add shogun past best I can plus I desperately wanted crossover idea like this Dan heng since I adore him I hope this request is ok fill free to ask questions and I hope this request idea makes sense 💕I just adore Dan heng sm and love ur work plus raiden shogun Ei is my fav so YEY

pairing. dan heng x raiden ei!reader author’s note. i had to revisit shogun’s story quests cz it’s been a while i’ve gotten invested in the storyline of genshin but i enjoyed writing this (i hit the word limit with the text block too😭). i took a little creative liberty around the story of hsr so i hope it’s to your liking. :]

◇ — before you were recruited by the astral express, you were a lone drifter with a mysterious past. this universe was very much different than your own, so it was only natural for you to close yourself off with anything foreign — which is, pretty much everything. ◇ — it had been welt that located you in a nearby planet, but sent both march and dan heng to investigate. you were classified as an anomaly, and truthfully, welt had his suspicions about you at first — it was clear you did not belong to this world (but neither did he, hence why his curiosity was stoked. ◇ — to say that dan heng was merely intrigued by you is an understatement. he was downright mesmerized, that march kept teasing him on the way back. still, you were waaaaay harder to crack than anyone they’ve had on the express. you only agreed to stay with them because himiko had sensed that you were looking for your home, and promised to find a way to help you safely return. ◇ — despite the fact you’ve been with the astral express for a month, you seemed to just pop up with your presence undetected around the express, sometimes even scaring pom pom. since you did not have a permanent room on the express, dan heng offered to let you sleep in the archives. yet, during one night, he found you sleeping on the couch of the express instead. whenever he found you like that, he grabbed the singular blanket he had in his room and draped it over you. ◇ — among all the members, dan heng was the first one you warmed up to. you were always grateful when he seemingly checked up on you to make sure you were alright at night (though you had pretended to be asleep, you could always see him checking). you ended up trying to cook for him… but despite the rock hard bread, dan heng felt touched at the gesture. though he had a hard time swallowing after that. ◇ — somehow, you slowly started participating around the express. you returned march’s very chirpy greetings, you sometimes made the occasional remark that always turned everybody’s heads towards you and you sometimes shared a serene smile with dan heng, which .. made march envious because she wanted a smile from you too! dan heng knew how much returning back to your home meant to you and had stayed up in the archives trying to look for a way to get you back home — though he sometimes underwent a slight cognitive dissonance on helping you to get home, since he didn’t want you to leave the express this sudden. ◇ — due to your powerful nature, welt and himeko assigned you to go trailblazing with march and dan heng. you could easily demolish your enemies which march always finds cool and remarks on it every time. dan heng finds it cool as well but he isn’t as expressive as march about it. however, as you engaged in more battles and rumours of your god-like powers spread across the universe, it was only a matter of time an enemy faction took notice and decided that they wanted to take you for themselves. ◇ — the astral express fought to keep you safe from them, but amidst the struggle, dan heng protected you from a fatal blow which resulted in him getting severely injured. seeing him injured because of you drove you to guilt and made you remember the grief of losing everyone you loved to erosion. you went berserk against the enemy faction and successfully wiped them out, but you suddenly disappeared from the astral express. ◇ — when dan heng recovered, he was worried sick when himeko mentioned how you suddenly distanced yourself from the express and disappeared without a moment’s notice. he took it to the archives yet again to figure out where you might be, and not long after, he and welt surmised where you might possibly be — the planet they first found you in. ◇ — you were different than how they remembered you; since the fight, you had withdrawn back into your plane of euthymia and allowed raiden shogun to take full control of yourself outside. the astral express fought against your puppet to not only try and crack your shell again, but also to get one of their beloved members back.

“she’s so strong—!” march yelled from the back, just as dan heng deflected another hit from the shogun’s spear. he had always admired your strength; it had always been a delight to fight side by side with you, but never against you — that was for sure.

he knew this … puppet was not you. in truth, dan heng had sensed for a very long time that you were grappling with some sort of internal conflict, but he didn’t expect to be validated like this.

nor did he really expect that he would be fighting you as another you, that is.

still, dan heng had been extra careful not to land a devastating attack on you — well, puppet you. he didn’t really know how these cases work, but in the event that that was still you, he didn’t want to hurt you by accident.

that would be the last thing he had wanted to do.

every inch of his body was aching, his muscles felt like they were burning with how much dan heng was pushing them. he still hadn’t fully recovered, but he jumped right into this mission with only you your safety in mind.

“dan heng! behind you!��

he had been too tired to notice that the shogun was right behind him, sword raised up and ready to inflict an attack. dan heng could feel his body freeze up as he tried to get himself away — though, to his surprise, the shogun moved past him to unleash a lightning strike on …. the shogun?

was he that tired that he was now seeing double of you?

you — the you with the sword — looked back at him with a confused expression, before going back to engage with the other you. but the fleeting look you gave him was a look he could always recognize a mile away. “that’s y/n!”

immediately, march was by his side as he stepped outside the area where you were fighting the shogun puppet. “they’re both y/n, dan heng— but they’re fighting each other???” he shook his head. “no— the one with the sword. that’s our y/n.”

march didn’t seem all that convinced until welt nodded. “right. we have to stay out of her zone so we don’t block her line of sight.” dan heng’s hand gripped cloud piercer tightly just as he watched you jump right back into fighting the puppet.

“but we can’t just leave her alone—” march started, but welt placed a hand on her shoulder and shook his head. “we won’t. we just have to find that opening.”

━━━━━━━ ˖°˖ ☾☆☽ ˖°˖ ━━━━━━━

it was a constant back and forth. with the express supporting you at the back but never directly interfering, you were the one who directly battled the shogun. you withdrew back to your plane of euthymia in shame for endangering dan heng, so you were surprised to see him and the others here.

they care more about you than you had initially thought.

the shogun was relentless in battle — but you had instructed it to be like that. the shogun was meant to be flawless and firm; yet, here you were: battling against it for full control of yourself, and to be able to reunite with your friends.

with your newfound will, you pushed yourself to the limit to finally face your fears head on. it was time to put an end to this.

“dan heng, now!” the voice sounded like welt, but at his command, you watched as dan heng leapt in the air and into the battlefield. his cloud piercer raised just as he timed his attack on the puppet just as you unleashed another lightning strike. the impact had been enough to send you back, that dan heng immediately dropped back down to catch you in his arms.

you could see the shogun lower their spear, it’s form no longer in pristine condition as it once was. your own puppet was staring at you, its eyes glancing at dan heng, who still had you in his arms, and to the rest of the astral express. without another word, the shogun turned back and disappeared into the plane of euthymia, but not before giving you a nod.

“are you okay, y/n?! what was that? where are we?” you never thought march bombarding you with a million questions would comfort you as much as it did now, but you really did miss her, and the rest of the crew.

“you guys… came back? for me?”

dan heng helped you up, but his arm never left you. “of course we did.” he had a furrowed expression in his eyes, but they shone with the brightest concern. normally, you didn’t want anyone taking pity on you, but you simply relaxed in his arms.

they did care. he still cares.

the thought of home and eternity had always staved off the cold in your heart, but the feeling of being in dan heng’s arms had sent enveloped you in a warmth that you’ve frankly never experienced before.

you could hardly suppress your smile, and seeing dan heng return it to you made the warmth in your chest spread even further.

you could definitely get used to this.

written by carlyle (@particular-one) copyright: all content belongs to particular-one on tumblr (2023)

[yesimwriting]

Final Girl - Part 8

Series Masterlist (updated chapters 1 -9 and extras) Final Girl Masterlist

A/N this took awhile,, but i always want to put my best foot forward bc of how much this series means to me, which means i work when i’m in the right headspace for it and have the time to invest,, which hasn’t been lining up too much recently 😭 anyways i see all the supportive comments and appreciate them sm!!

also keep in mind that my priority is not the timeline, like if you’re feeling like the month before halloween is the longest month of all time,, it’s bc i want to give them bonding time before the heavy murder stuff! 

Series Summary: Y/n can’t believe that she has to leave the only home she’s ever known just because her mom’s latest boyfriend has a house in some town in California. Just as she’s starting to think that Woodsboro might not be that bad, something life altering happens after she agrees to sleep over at the Becker’s house. Now her name is practically synonymous with Ghostface’s/

Chapter Summary: Y/n tries to get back to normal and work on her friendships, but there’s nothing normal about surviving a serial killer attack, and it’s no one’s fault her friends keep noticing. She’s navigating the start of dealing with her trauma while also trying to be a good friend, especially since Billy hasn’t been feeling like himself lately. In a desperate attempt to feel like a normal, healthy teenager, Y/n crosses a personal boundary. 

----

My mom has often told me that in many ways, I was born as an old lady. 

She’d always say it after I tried being responsible. Suggesting that she give herself a curfew on weeknights, or at the very least, call if she was going to be late. Reminding her that there’s a reason people gave her the side eye when she took a visibly underage me into R-rated movies. 

Now that I’m older, I guess she was right in a lot of ways. I wasn’t the kid-iest kid, if that makes sense, but there was one thing I was always good at: playing dress up. 

With a mom like Gloria, it would have been hard not to. For years, my mom’s closet basically had the same magical properties as Disneyland. I thought that that mindset might have just been nine-year-old me, but apparently not, because Tatum and Sidney have been looking through it like it’s life changing. 

“Okay.” Tatum picks up one of my mom’s shimmery wrap and tosses it over her shoulder. “It’s official, when I die, I want to be buried here.”

I look over in time to watch her observe herself in the mirror. “Then I hope you live for a very long time.” 

She wrinkles her nose.  “That better not be the only reason.” 

“Course not, you know I love you very much, Tate-a-boo.” I make a quick kiss-y face, and Tatum almost giggles before returning the gesture. 

Turning away from my mom’s dresses, Sidney smiles. “Please, for all our sakes, don’t let Stu hear you say that.” 

After the joke settles, I practically snort. “Good point.” I step a little further into the closet, refocusing my attention. The only reason we’re all in here is because I wanted to borrow a pair of shoes before going out to the nail salon. It was Tatum’s idea, and the state of my cuticles made me agree. My social hibernation has not been good to them. “Okay, these are the shoes.” 

Sidney steps out of the closet to give me the space to do the same. I slip on the shoes, happy with how they look with my outfit and their level of comfortableness. My mom rarely buys any shoes for herself that aren’t heels, so she ends up taking anything that’s remotely comfortable from my closet. 

“I want to stay here.” Tatum’s hand brushes against the sleeve of something cashmere. “Maybe forever.” 

“And leave your nail beds like that?” Sid glances away from the full length mirror that’s right outside of my mom’s closet. She turns her attention to her reflection, adjusting the fluffiness of her always, almost magically perfect bangs.

Tatum halfheartedly glares before stepping out of the closet. “You’re such a liar.” She raises a hand, studying her palm while walking out of the closet. “You told me they looked fine yesterday.”

Sidney almost smiles before throwing me a look. A quick raise of eyebrows that seems to say got her. “We’re gonna be late.” 

----

The first nail appointment after awhile always feels like willingly volunteering to get a bunch of paper cuts. It’s not overwhelming painful, just a little irritating. After feels nice, though, now that my nails look fresh and I know I don’t have to worry about having my cuticles professionally gutted for a little bit. 

And being around Sidney and Tatum is nice. Familiar in a way that’s still new. It’s weird in a good way. Like I could start throwing around cheesy terms like BFF and it wouldn’t even be dumb. It’d still be ironic, but I think they’d get the sentiment. It’s not that I’ve never had good friends, but this is different. A little more open.

Like right now we’re in Sidney’s room and we’re not talking about anything in particular, just going off of whatever comes up. I could probably say the dumbest thing in the world right now and it wouldn’t even feel unfitting or awkward. 

“...Shut up, he was not that bad.” Tatum’s trying to sound more upset than she is. Somehow Sidney found a way to tell me about Tatum’s first boyfriend. A total middle school romance--they even went to the 8th grade dance together and held hands and had their first kiss under the bleachers. Sounds cute enough, but according to Sidney he was a total weirdo. Even by 8th grade boy standards. “He wasn’t.” 

Sidney laughs again, the movement has her arm bumping into mine. “He tried to eat a live lizard because Stu dared him.” 

“No way.” I snort. “Your first kiss was with a lizard eater?” 

Tate sighs, dropping her head against the side of the mattress and crossing her legs on the floor. “Tried. It ran away and no one ever found it.” That’s still objectively hilarious. I can’t picture Tatum with anyone that out there, but then again, she is with Stu. 

Not that he reminds me of an 8th grade boy trying to eat a lizard, but he was the one that came up with the idea. “Maybe Stu ate it.” 

Tatum glares, halfheartedly shoving my leg as Sidney clasps a hand over her mouth to avoid laughing too hard. “I’ll ask him.” 

It’s strange to picture them like that. A little younger, growing up together. “So you guys knew each other back then and now...” 

She shrugs, “I don’t know...it just kind of happened. He was always hooking up with or seeing any girl with a pulse and I didn’t even see him like that until after--” She cuts herself off with no warning. “You know Sidney and Billy have a way nicer getting together story.” Tate snaps her head up to look at Sidney, whose expression immediately shifts. “Right, Sid?” 

Sidney’s eyes briefly meet mine. There’s a bit of uneasiness there that I don’t get. What could the end of Tatum’s thought have been? What could she have been about to say that might have been--oh. 

“Yeah,” she agrees, “Billy and I were hanging out for weeks--” 

“You can say her name.” My throat feels drier than it did a second ago. “I won’t freak out if you mention Casey. Promise.” 

Tatum’s eyes briefly shut. “That’s--” She doesn’t know how to finish the sentence. I’m right. Why wouldn’t she think I’d freak out? After the way I acted at that party. “No one would blame you if you did.” 

It’s easy to say that it doesn’t matter when you’re not the one that has melt downs. “Yeah.” 

There’s a brief stretch of awkward silence, the light mood now tainted by the exact thing that’s kept me away from my friends for so long. Maybe keeping to myself was about more than the safety of others--maybe I don’t want anyone to know what I’m like now. 

“It’d be weirder if you weren’t a little messed up about it.” Tatum hums the words with such casualness I can’t help but laugh, even when Sidney snaps her head to the side to give her a seriously look. “I’m serious, only a total psycho would be able to see that and jump back into things.” 

Sidney sits up a little more, “And you took the SAT a week after it all happened. You’re doing a lot better than most people would be doing.” 

I nod, glad that they’re at least good at pretending that I’m not a total mess. “Yeah, guess I’m just sensitive about it because I freaked out on Noel at that party.” Ugh. That’s been something I’ve been trying really hard to forget. “He probably thinks I’m a total freak.” My eyes squeeze shut at the memory of the party. I had been a total mess. I flip flopped on murder accusations like it was nothing and nearly ran to Casey’s house in the middle of the night. “He’s probably told everyone I’m a total freak.” 

“You don’t know that.” Sidney’s nice for trying to comfort me, but it’s not the best argument. She picks up on my expression because she then immediately tacks on, “Okay, let’s be logical--why would he do that?” 

“Why wouldn’t he after the way I acted?” Ugh. Every guy that knows him is going to think I’m a complete weirdo. This is what I get for trying to date. “And it’s not like he called after. He hasn’t even talked to me in class since.” 

Sidney’s eyebrows draw together briefly before her hands move off of her lap and land on her comforter. She pushes herself to stand. “That’s not necessarily a bad thing.” 

“Noel’s a total scrub. You’re better off.” Tatum stands too, scratching the back of her arm once. She approaches the bag she abandoned near Sidney’s door, “I brought that eyeshadow I was telling you about. The sparkly, blue one that makes everyone look like Baby Spice.” 

She exhales what’s almost a laugh and I find myself not being able to answer. That does sound like something I’d normally happily go along with. Even though Tatum tends to go for a more subtle look on the day to day, she has a solid makeup collection. Lots of trendy shimmers and bright colors that are fun to swatch and mess around with. But there’s something about the way she said it...breezed away from one topic to this.

And the way Sidney just got up like she was hoping that’d change something. I sit up a little straighter, trying to remember what it’s like to not feel paranoid all the time.

Sidney stops adjusting her hair and messing with her bangs in the mirror. “Or we could hold off on that and go to the video store.” Another change to a topic that normally I’d be all over. “I think Randy’s working, we could bug him a little and get something to watch later.” 

Okay, another thing I’d normally want to do. It has been a minute since I’ve gotten to annoy Randy, and the itch is definitely there. Maybe they’re just trying to be good friends and cheer me up, but they’re spitting out suggestions in a way that feels like they’re really hoping one will stick.

 “Are--do you guys know something about something?” Ugh. If this is my paranoia acting up, I’ll never recover. Why can’t I just go along with things? “I don’t know if it’s me and my head, but you’re acting kinda weird.” 

“No, we’re just--” Sidney’s eyes don’t stay on me, they shift over to Tatum for the briefest second. I blink and almost convince myself I’ve imagined it. “You’re not crazy, we just don’t want to stress you out.” 

I push myself onto my feet. “That is the worst thing you can say to someone you don’t want to stress out.”

Sidney’s eyebrows draw together like she’s worried. I almost feel bad for pushing. “Noel not talking to you isn’t an accident or your fault.” 

“Sid.” I snap my head in Tatum’s direction. She hesitates beneath my stare and gives in with a sigh, “Okay, Noel’s a player who brags about crushing girls’ virginities and breaking up with them the next day. He talks about every girl he’s dated like they’re some kind of car and there are even worse things written about him in the handicap stall of the second floor bathroom.” Tatum pauses, considering how she’s going to word what actually happened. “You’re going through a lot right now and that’s the last thing you need, and we were worried about you, so we talked to Stu and Billy and basically...got Noel to back off.” 

Oh my god. The embarrassment, anger, and shock are all fighting for dominance in my mind, but none of them overpower the other so the feeling is just really fucking bad. All I can picture is Billy and Stu talking to Noel like I’m some little kid or someone with brain damage that can’t make their own choices. 

“You guys suck!” I wipe at my face with the back of my hand, exhaustion cutting into my irritation. “Like really suck. I’m not some child that can’t make her own decisions.” Ugh--I can’t even decide how to react. “It’s not like I was going to marry him or anything.” 

Tatum watches me with a certain level of uncertainty. I don’t think I’ve ever snapped at her or Sidney before. “You’re not exactly a casual dater.” 

“Well--I-I could have been.” It feels awkward, almost reluctant, and I hate myself for it. She’s technically right. I’ve never casually dated, but I’ve never seriously dated either, so it probably wouldn’t kill me. “Either way, it might have been a mistake, but it was my mistake to make.”

“I know, Y/n,” Sidney breathes the words slowly, “We didn’t mean anything by it, it wasn’t like a whole scheme or anything it just--” She’s trying, really trying. “We wanted to help you.” 

I didn’t need help, I was fine. The genuine hint of worry in her tone keeps me from pointing that out. I just stare at her and then at Tatum. Why does it matter anyways? Everyone gets to be normal and do dumb things and have people they’re close with and relationships and all I have is the stupid ‘almost murdered’ label. 

“Why does it matter enough for you to--” I cut myself off, not sure what I’m really asking or what I mean. 

Tatum lets out a small sigh, the sound almost reluctant, maybe a tiny bit annoyed that she even has to talk about this. “Because you’re our friend,” she half shrugs like what she’s saying should have been assumed , “And we love you.” She presses her lips together briefly, “Duh.” 

Sidney throws a look in Tatum’s direction, “Yeah, we love you so much we were willing to risk you being super mad at us because we were worried.” Sidney pauses to take a breath. “We shouldn’t have done it behind your back, and in the future we won’t meddle.”

When I don’t ease, Tatum tacts on, “If it makes things any better, Stu’s normally a total guy’s guy about this kind of thing and even he thinks Noel’s a total creep.” She scratches the back of her wrist, “And those two never care about this stuff, so, boohoo, we all love you.” 

Okay, that doesn’t exactly fix things but it does take the edge off just a tiny bit. They all go way back, and that’s intimidating. And Tatum’s trying to be funny about it, layering on the sarcasm so that I’ll laugh. I hate that it’s almost working. “Well, as long as it’s just everyone being obsessed with me...” The joke feels like a bit of a betrayal, so I tact on something else, “I’m still mad, though.” That feels even weaker. I’m too in my head about all of it and still pretty embarrassed despite the fact that I didn’t do anything. It won’t last forever, but right now, it’s all feeling like too much. The safety of my bedroom feels miles away instead of the few blocks it actually is. “I think I-I’m gonna...” 

“No,” Tatum huffs, “It wasn’t supposed to be a thing.” She tilts her head to the side, silky blonde hair bouncing with the motion. “We haven’t seen you in forever and it was more Stu and Billy’s thing, they’ve been ready to start a thing with him since like the 9th grade.” 

More Stu and Billy’s thing? That almost makes sense for Billy, who Noel casually suggested could be a murderer. But Stu? Noel seemed to like him well enough. Maybe it’s a loyalty thing. I can see Billy and Stu having a bit of package deal friendship. You can’t hate on one without becoming enemy of the other. And with how generally protective Stu seems to be over his friends, it’d make sense. 

But still. I am not a bargaining chip or an excuse or someone that needs their approval on who I do or don’t date.

“Let’s do whatever you want to do and then if you’re still mad, we can invite them over and you can yell at them.” 

Tatum almost smiles, “You’re good at that.” 

That...feels a little weird. “I’m good at yelling?” 

“No, it’s like when you told off that reporter. One minute, you’re normal, but then, when you need to be--bam! You’re super bitch.” 

I laugh, this time it’s genuine. “Super bitch strikes again.” The exit is still close, and some nervous part of me wants to cling to the out. I’m not sure if it’s out of some form of fear or genuine anger or both. But I do want to stay around them a little longer and go take way too long renting a video just to annoy Randy. “If I get to pick what we do, I say we go bother Randy and get a movie. He’s had it easy for too long.” 

Sid half scoffs at my ominous tone. “How do you know?” 

"Knowing whether or not Randy needs to be annoyed is my superpower.” 

----

The video rental is surprisingly empty for early Thursday evening. Schools are out and it’s close enough to the weekend where normally there are more people stopping by to check out what they want to watch in advance. Today doesn’t reflect that. Good to know that my Randy distress radar is still in tact. 

There’s an older man adjusting the latest release aisle, changing out movies. He’s the only employee that I see as I scan over the store and a part of me nearly deflates. Sidney did say she thought Randy would be working and I have no way of knowing. Our friendship has also been a victim to my recent hermit ways, and it’s likely suffered more than my connection with anyone else. At least my other friends are in a couple of my classes or need to walk down the same hallways. Most of Randy’s classes aren’t near mine and we only share a study hall, which he often uses as an excuse to leave early in order to get to work. Meaning that most days I only see him during lunch. 

The door to the back swings open and behind a cart of VHS tapes, there’s a familiar face. Randy. I find myself smiling as I approach the counter he’s coming up from behind. 

“Excuse me,” he glances up, a bit of surprise causing him to raise his eyebrows, “I was wondering if you have a copy of Child’s Play 2, but not the original, the extended cut with the alternate ending, Sorority House Massacre, uncut, duh, and/or Fox’s original version of Clueless.” 

Randy blinks, unfazed by my bullshit. “I’ve been around you too long to fall for that last one.” 

I almost laugh. I can’t believe Randy remembers my rant about the developmental nightmare that was the original Clueless pitch. Fox wanted a TV show, but they got a movie instead, and that took way too long for no reason. I had talked about it a lot longer than I meant to the other day at school. “You caught it.” 

“Decoys are always more obvious than they seem to the person making them.” It feels like some kind of movie rule reference, vague enough for me to get how it applies but not so random I feel the need to ask. “So are you here to rent something or make my job harder?” 

“A little of both.” Turning my head, I gesture to where Sidney and Tatum are. They’re in the same aisle, backs to each other as they scan through options. “We wanted something to watch and Sidney said she thought you’d be working today.” I tap my nails against the counter. “And I had this feeling that things have probably been too easy for you.”

Randy’s lips turn upwards but it feels a little different than a smile. “Yeah, nothing but peace since you...” 

“Became a total paranoid PTSD recluse?” 

He half shrugs, “Jack Torrence.” I roll my eyes, a little relieved that Randy’s joking about it instead of pressing. It’s part of the reason he’s a good friend to have. “You’re feeling better, though, right?” 

Spoke a little too soon, but that’s an okay question. It’s not invasive, it’s just an offer. “Getting there.” 

Randy nods, taking in the answer for what feels like a little too long for two words. Maybe he’s feeling the honesty of what does seem like a cop out answer. I’m not over it by any means, but feeling better is a process that’s starting to work. “That’s good.” He pushes the cart slightly before pulling back to place. “You’re good.” Randy lets out a breath, tugging and pushing the cart again. “I mean--deserve to feel good and normal.” 

I grin at the stumble in words. It’s rare that we’re openly nice to each other instead of acting like little kids after one pulls the other’s hair. “I get what you mean.” 

His lips part, but no words come out. Randy’s eyebrows draw together as his mouth shuts. What is--a firm touch on my shoulder snaps the question out of me. My head turns and some kind of comment about being rude to people in line rises and immediately falls back down. Stu! And then I remember my earlier conversation and it feels a lot more like: Oh. Stu. 

It’s such an instant flip that for a second I don’t react. Stu pulls his arm around me in a quick attempt at a side hug, but I’m so stiff it’s more like being shoved into him. “Look who’s here.” 

Bumping into him is by no means new to me. Small town, same friends, some overlap in hobbies. But this time it’s different. I promised myself that Stu and Billy would get scolded for meddling as soon as possible, but I didn’t expect run into him in public. It’s like being a parent with a child that’s misbehaving in church. You can’t do anything but redirect until you get to the car. 

Stu drops his arm back to his side. “Thought you were doing something with Tatum and Sid?” 

“They’re over there,” I gesture vaguely with a tilt of my head, trying to seem casual. I might not be willing to get into the whole Noel thing in front of Randy and the suburban mom trying to settle a dispute between two kids who can’t decide which movie to get, but Stu probably is. “I wouldn’t look too closely, girls’ night movies might make you sick.” 

Stu misses by just a second. He does wrinkle his nose in a display of the kind of good humor I’d expect from him, but it doesn’t feel as natural. There’s nothing wrong about his reaction, it just feels lacking. Missing his usual brand of energy. “I have no issue with girls’ night movies.” 

Clearly, I’ve been spending too much time with him because I get the joke instantly. Now it’s my turn to cringe. “Why do I even talk to you?” 

“Because, buggsie, your life would be so boring without me.” The nickname does make my expression warp, but this time it’s more like trying to keep in a laugh than anything else. “If your only movie influence was Randy, you’d be a lot less likable.” 

Randy sighs. “Keep telling yourself that.”

The words are just a little too sharp. They’re good enough friends in some senses. Not two I’d guess hang alone together, but I like to think at the end of the day they like co-existing. That doesn’t mean they don’t bicker from time to time in a way that feels different than when Randy and I fight like little kids or Stu and I fight like an old married couple too lazy to get divorced. 

“No need to be bitter, dude,” Stu’s hand is back around my shoulder, “I gave you a whole five minutes.” That was a weird thing to say. Random, and not in a fun sort of way, but before I can ask, Stu’s pulling me forward. “You want to help me sneak up on Tay?” 

I throw Randy a look that hopefully communicates my level of confusion and some sort of see you later. “Uh...” Stu’s already turning like I’ve answered, “Sure?” 

When we’re finally closer to the shelves than the counter, Stu lets me go, his hand sliding down my arm a little before retracting. “So you go up to Tatum, talk to her, keep her distracted, and I’ll sneak up behind her.”

“Yeah, yeah, okay.” He’s moving along so quickly and casually, but I’m still fixed on that last comment to Randy. It wasn’t banter-y and Randy didn’t say anything back, which feels a little weird. “That last thing you said, the five minute thing?”

Stu barely pauses, head tilting in a way that feels confused. “Oh. Gave him five minutes to make a move, but you know Randy, not a closer.”

It’s said casually enough that I could think Stu’s being serious, but there’s also a hum of sarcasm in there. And what he’s saying does feel too unrealistic to not be a joke. Randy and I are completely platonic, there’s no way he sees me like that. Plus, I’d like to think that if a guy I’m around that regularly liked me in any sort of way, I’d have at least somewhat picked up on it. 

“Shut up,” I shove Stu’s arm, “You’re not funny.”

He holds his hands up in defense briefly. “Don’t shoot the messenger.” 

It’s said casual enough that I’m finally given a second to think. The nagging voice at the back of my head is finally given the opportunity to remind me that I’m supposed to be mad at him. Or, at the very least, irritated until I can tell him off for trying to make decisions for me behind my back. 

“Interesting that you mention shooting you, be--” 

“Ouch,” Stu hums, a little too pointedly, “Thought we were all good, angel.” I press my lips together, staring at the ground to avoid giving him anything to latch onto. “I’ve been on best behavior. Minding my business, just here to check something out.”

I stop, a motion I think is subtle enough but Stu picks up on it immediately. He turns and grabs my wrist. The contact is sudden enough to force me to look up. Stu’s watching me, his expression seems innocent, and not in that pretend way either. There’s a hint of confusion behind his eyes. I’m not sure I entirely believe it, but I think it’s possible that what I’m mad about isn’t coming to mind. He has no reason to think I’d know about it. 

His hold is firm and oddly warm and bordering on distracting. 

“Stu,” Tatum’s cheery voice snaps the two of us out of our stand off.

He pulls away quickly, eyes falling on Tatum. “There’s my girl.” Stu pulls her into a hug and gives her a quick kiss. “Y/n was going to help me sneak up and surprise you, but she’s in a mood.” 

Ugh. Stu has a way of dismissing any type of reaction that doesn’t work for him as me being in a mood or pouting. “I am not in a mood.” 

“Give her a break.” Stu’s hands are still on her. “Y/n found out about the Noel thing.”My gaze instinctually shifts back to Stu. His easygoing grin falters. Tatum smiles at him with a coy look that I guess could be interpreted as some kind of apology. “Don’t get moody, she pulled it out of us.” 

It takes him a second, but Stu eventually eases off of her. He doesn’t look as content as before, but his expression hints at nothing else besides casual annoyance. “She can’t be too mad if she’s still hanging around you and Sid.” 

“I got to tell them both off already.” 

Stu turns, something smug tugging his face into an almost smile. It’s infuriating. “If that’s what you’re into, babe.” 

Tatum scoffs and halfheartedly smacks his shoulders. “You’ve been around long enough that I don’t have to apologize for him anymore, right?”

“Right.” 

Stu lets out a breath, “Geez, you two sure act like you love me.” 

I am so not in the mood to say anything nice about Stu in front of him. “Maybe if you minded your business a little more--” 

“Okay,” Tatum pushes herself into the budding argument and looks at me. “Save your energy for when there’s two of them.” Good point. If I yelled at Stu and Billy separately every time they messed up, I’d be yelling constantly. Tatum’s attention shifts back to Stu, “Is he around? Sid’s around the corner.” 

Stu shakes his head once. “Nah, it’s still early and he only said he might call. He’s been a little out of it.” 

Billy’s out of it? And out of it enough to not be around Stu for once? It’s not like they’re literally attached at the hip but a weekend evening where both me and their girlfriends are busy and they’re not hanging out together? That in itself hints at something being wrong. 

I think through the last I heard from Billy, but nothing particularly stands out. He might have briefly mentioned his dad but not in a concerning way. Not in a way that indicated he’d have to spend extra time with him or anything.

Billy has also been weirdly absent. No recent warning-less appearances at my window. Has he been going through something and I’m just too caught up in my personal issues to notice? God, this serial killer nonsense has turned me into a terrible friend. 

“He okay?” 

Stu’s eyes flit up to meet mine. “You might want to hold off on the scolding, but last time I checked in, yeah. Just all angsty, you know how Billy gets.” 

I blink. Last time he checked in. Maybe I’m idealizing their friendship too much, but I’ve always felt like they were looking out for each other. Closer than Stu’s current reaction warrants. Or maybe I’m overthinking things and Billy’s just taking some time. He doesn’t seem the type to want to talk about fuzzy things like feelings. 

“We were going to ask you guys to come over, but if he’s not up for it, that’s okay,” Tatum says, “You can still come by later, but I think you should check in on him.” 

Now I’m starting to feel antsy. Like I should go check in on Billy, but I don’t even know what that’d look like. The realization that I’ve never been to Billy’s house hits hard and with no warning. Whenever we all hang out, it’s at my place or someone else’s, and when it’s the three of us we go to Stu’s and sometimes my house. The thought rubs me the wrong way, like this one thing is pulling on the threads of our friendship. 

He’s one of my best friends and I can’t even say I know what his room looks like. 

“I’ll probably stop by soon.” 

That makes me frown. Probably. Soon. 

“Oh, that reminds me.” Tatum’s voice snaps me out of my thoughts. “Dewey wanted me to give you a head’s up that he’ll be trying to meet with you soon. He wants to go over some....stuff.” 

Ugh, this again. I can’t escape it. “Yeah. He has my number, Dewey can call whenever, but the warning was nice.” 

Stu shifts back like he doesn’t quite believe what he’s hearing. “He wants to talk to her again?” He’s more offended than I am. “What? It’s not like anything’s changed.” 

Tatum shrugs, “I don’t know. Dewey doesn’t give me the details.” 

“Unless they have new evidence, they shouldn’t be dragging her back into it just because they don’t know shit.”

I should tell him to drop it. That this is my business and maybe it’s time we establish some firmer boundaries, but I can’t get the words to form. The whole thing feels hypocritical. I should be annoyed, but I’m not because he’s saying what I can’t. 

It’s brief, but for a second it almost feels like Stu might be the closest to someone that gets what it feels like. The irony is insane, considering that there’s no way that empathy’s his strong suit. 

“I don’t know. It’s not my thing.” 

Tatum is understandably a little defensive, which is fair. Especially when considering our earlier conversation. This isn’t fair to her. “It’s okay.” The words feel like a flat cop out compared to Stu’s instinctual defense. “It’s not Tatum’s fault and Dewey was really nice about it last time--” 

“Last time? You mean when they ambushed you at the hospital before they let you take visitors?” 

My stomach knots at that. The feeling of waking up there, confused and unaware of what I’d just been through and then being made to feel like I was completely alone while Billy and Stu were waiting outside for me. “That’s not his fault.” A dry defense. “It sucks, but it’s for the greater good and it won’t take long.” I’m not sure if I’m trying to convince myself or him. “It’s okay.” 

Stu half sighs. “I’m going to grab my movie and head out, maybe stop by Billy’s.” He tuns to give Tatum a brief goodbye kiss to the top of her head. “I’ll see you soon, Y/n. Make sure you get to yell at me before it builds too much.” 

At that, I roll my eyes but still wave him off. 

---- 

My eyes are on the phone again, staring down the extension on my nightstand like it’s keeping things from me. 

Ugh. This is ridiculous. I snap my attention back to the homework in front of me. Some extra credit for my math class. It’s an attempt at damage control because the test I had to take the morning after being attacked by a serial killer is seriously bringing down my GPA. Too bad calc has never been my strong suit. The distraction that is my inability to move on from what Stu said is definitely not helping. 

Even after Sidney, Tatum, and I left the video store, I couldn’t stop thinking about it. Stu’s uncertainty and what Billy could be going through. Maybe Stu was playing down how much he knows because Billy didn’t want anyone else knowing. I could see that. Hope for that since the thought of Billy locking himself in his room and dealing with whatever it is completely alone tugs at my heart.  

I could call. He might not answer, but that’s okay. It might make me feel better to just do something and it’s not like I’ve never called him. There’s also the more extreme option of showing up to his place. I’ve never been to his house,  but he’s pointed it out before. Even though I physically could get there, that feels like too much. If I’ve never been over, it’s probably for a reason.

There’s also Stu. I could call him to ask about Billy. He’s more likely to tell me about how Billy’s doing than Billy. But that also feels weird for no reason. Again, it’s not like I never call them. 

I glance over at the digital clock on my desk. 7:56. Okay--it’s not too late. Not weirdly late. 

I stand before I can think about it too much, walking over to the phone. If it’s going to be distracting, I should just get it over with. Maybe having some kind of answer will make it easier to focus on things.

The phone rings about three times before there’s an answer. “Yeah?” 

“Hey.” Okay, that one word feels super awkward for no reason. “Hi--it’s um--” Be more normal. It’s just Stu. “It’s Y/n.” 

A quick breath that feels more like a laugh than it sounds. “Yeah, I figured that out.” Great, now he’s making fun of me. “I also know why you’re calling.” 

“Really?” 

I can feel his amusement over the phone.��“You can’t stop thinking about me and want me to come over.”

I snort as soon as the words wash over me. What was I expecting? “You figured it out. This is a booty call.” 

Stu sort of laughs. “Yeah? I can be over in five.”

Pressing my hand over my mouth to keep from laughing, I sit up a little more. “Loser.” I reach over for a pillow and pull it on to my lap. “Okay, so actual reason, I was trying to do something for calc, so obviously my mind was wandering and thinking about literally anything else.” 

“Obviously.” 

My fingers brush the fluff of the pillow’s exterior. I brush the strands flat and then back into little spikes of hair. “And at some point, I started thinking about what you said at the video store. About Billy.”

There’s a brief silence, and then another one of Stu’s breathy-accidental-laughs. “Aw, you’re worried.” Ugh. “That’s cute, angel, I’ll make sure to tell him.”

“Don’t.”

“Don’t be a spoilsport.” 

My nose wrinkles at that, nails smothering my pillow’s layer of fluff. “Is he okay or not?” 

For a second, the only thing coming from the other side of the phone is the general static of someone’s movement. “Bossy.” I roll my eyes, but before I can tell him to spare me tonight, Stu continues, “Why didn’t you just call Billy?” 

It’s a fair question, which only bugs me more. “Because there’s no way to call someone and ask if they’re okay based on a passing comment without sounding insane.” 

I pinch the thin hairs of my pillows between my thumb and index finger. “And it’s less insane this way?”

Feels like it. “Kinda, yeah.” 

“Don’t worry your pretty head about it. Billy’s fine, he’ll be back to his usual levels of brooding soon. Promise.” I don’t know what to make of that, so I just focus on my pillow. “It might help if you called him tomorrow. Let him sleep it off for a little longer.”

That’s probably a good suggestion. “Yeah, I’ll do that.” My eyes drift back to the still open textbook on my desk. My mom is out with Wells so I can’t even use her as an excuse to not be doing this right now. I briefly bite my tongue to give myself a second to think through what I’m considering. “You um--are you doing anything right now?” Even more awkward. Great. “I could really use an excuse to not work on calc right now.” 

“Now it’s a booty call.” 

Being friends with him is so annoying sometimes. “I hate you.”

“Ouch,” a brief shuffling before he speaks again, “You know I love distracting you--” I roll my eyes. “But tonight’s--” 

“Shit, is Tatum over or something?” A hand flies over my mouth. Of course I’d call at a time where he had someone over and be a total mess. “I’m sorry.” 

Some more static before a response, “No, it’s--” He sighs once. “Billy’s here and he’s--” Oh. My embarrassment is definitely doubling, but there’s still some relief there. At least he’s not alone. “Maybe you should come over, help cheer him up.”

“You’re kind of an asshole for not mentioning that earlier.” I push the throw pillow off my lap and let my back fall onto my cocoon of larger pillows. “And it’s fine, I wouldn’t want to overwhelm him or anything.” 

“No,” Stu’s answer is quick but feels a little flat. Almost worried. “You--I think it’d be good for him to see you.” There’s still a bit of hesitance there, like Stu’s not telling me the full story. Maybe he can’t. “We rented a few movies and I think I might still have those sour gummy things you like.” 

I really do love sour gummies. “Is Billy okay with it?” 

“It’s my house, bug.” When I don’t say anything, Stu sighs, “Kidding. C’mon, he loves you.” I don’t know why I’m debating so much, it was my idea, but now it feels a little intrusive of me. “And we’re a lot more fun than calculus.” 

“Not a high bar you’re setting there.” Stu pointedly scoffs. “Okay--if you’re sure Billy’s okay with it, I’ll be over in a few.”

“Need to go ask your mommy?” 

I’m already pushing myself to my feet. “Shut up.” An ‘at least I have a parent that gives a shit’ nearly slips out and I just barely manage to bite my tongue. That’d be like reacting to a playful shove with a punch to the face. Besides, my mom’s not a factor right now. She and Wells are out to dinner with some friends. She left me with a 20 to order pizza and maybe rent a movie. “I can still not go.” 

Stu chooses to ignore the (empty) threat, “See you soon, babe.” 

I push open the door of my closet and search through it as quickly as possible. It’s not like I need to get dressed up to go to Stu’s, but my stained pajama pants from the ninth grade and practically threadbare tank top aren’t things I wear out of the house. Especially now that fall is making evenings a lot chillier. “I don’t get our friendship.”

“I keep you supplied with those awful sour gummies.”

I smile despite myself, grabbing something out of my closet. “That explains it.” Bending down, I pick up another article of clothing. “See you soon.” 

----

“There she is.”

Stu pulls me into a hug before I can think to react. He’s always so warm and everywhere. I think it has to do with his smell. It sounds weird but he’s so consistent about it. Enough expensive laundry detergent to drown out most of the usual teen boy body spray musk to a level that’s tolerable and sharpens the slight hint of weed that seems to cling to him. Even that is balanced. Subtle unless you know to think about it. But now it’s a little more overwhelming than usual...fresher. 

Like he just finished a joint. I stare at him for a second and while his eyes seem mostly normal, there’s a bit of a red tinge there. If it wasn’t for the smell of weed, I wouldn’t have noticed. “Are you high?” 

The corner of Stu’s mouth pulls up into an almost smile. He’s amused. “That’s a fun way to greet me.” I give him a pointed look. “Mmm...maybe a little.” Stu extends an arm, halfheartedly punching me in the shoulder. Instead of dropping his arm like usual, Stu relaxes his fist in order to squeeze the top of my arm. “What gave me away, angel?”

“With you, it’s always a safe guess.” He sort of frowns, but it doesn’t quite reach his eyes. “Kidding. You smell like a dispensary.” 

Stu squeezes my arm a little harder. “Judgy.” He tilts his head slightly. “And here I was going to offer you some.” 

“No one likes me when I’m high.” That’s true enough. I get all paranoid and clingy. Randy won’t even smoke around me if we’re alone just in case. 

He half scoffs. “Nah, that’s just for people that don’t know how to handle you.” 

Handle me? I’m about to give him some sarcastic answer, but when my eyes meet his, the reaction freezes over. He’s staring at me with a concentration that feels more prominent than his hand on my arm. I don’t know why, but I feel the need the redirect and break the silence. “Where’s Billy?” 

“In my room.” Stu swings a hand around my shoulder and starts guiding me forward. “C’mon, he’ll be happy to see you.” 

I should shrug Stu off of me, but it feels easier to just let him. Besides, there are other things to worry about. From the vagueness Stu’s been handling mentions of Billy with, I half expect him to be in a straight jacket or something. “He--he does know I’m here, right?” 

The only answer I get is Stu placing a hand on his bedroom door once we reach it. He releases me to push open it open. “Hey, feeling any better?” Billy doesn’t get a chance to reply before Stu continues, “Because I brought you a present.” 

Weird...and kind of objectifying, but in a weird way. It’s not so much the words, but the way he’s saying them. This is definitely an ambush. Stu pushes the door open all the way before I can really react. I still make a point of smacking his arm. “Don’t make it weird.” 

I turn my head towards Stu’s room. Billy is in there, sitting with his back against the headboard and he’s looking at me but there’s little recognition. It’s more like he’s seeing through me. I want to assume it’s part of some kind of side effect of being high, but I can’t quite get myself to dismiss it as something so casual.

Any fight directed at Stu evaporates into the air and morphs into this weird veil of tension. Not good or bad. Just heavy and full, bleeding through the room and into the hall where I’m still standing. 

“Hi,” it feels like an attempt at cutting through the harshness, “I heard you were feeling bad so I thought I’d come back and make you feel worse.” 

Billy’s eyebrows draw together slightly, like he’s considering how to react. He settles on a, “Yeah?” It feels smaller than the way he usually is. 

I swallow my instinctual reaction. “Yeah--things aren’t looking too good in Iraq and everyone’s getting too comfortable with nuclear bombs.” 

The corner of his mouth turns up into an almost smile. It’s not quite there, but the thawing of the icy layer behind his gaze is cracking. “Anything else?”

“I still think the Princess Diana divorce is kind of a bummer.” 

Stu sighs dramatically. “Of course you’re on her side.” 

“There is no other side, Charles is the worst.” 

Stu walks fully into his room and practically flops onto his bed. His head hits Billy’s calf and Billy throws him a dirty look before adjusting. “Charles is next in line for the throne. That entitles him to all the girls he wants. That’s just history.”

I wrinkle my nose and halfheartedly glare at him. “He’s also probably inbred.”

Billy sits up a little further, reaching for what I’m assuming is a joint. “Definitely inbred.”

The small vouch of support is strangely easing.

Stu tilts his head to look at me briefly. “You two deserve each other.”

“Don’t pout.” Maybe not my smartest joke, but it’s too easy to pass up on. 

He props his head up just to glare at me. “I can still kick you out.”

I roll my eyes and Billy wordlessly extends what he’s been smoking. Stu reaches for it absentmindedly and Billy moves his arm away. “You need to slow down.” 

Stu doesn’t protest, which has to be a byproduct of his easy high. I’m so distracted by that it takes a second for it to click. If Billy isn’t handing off the joint to Stu, he’s trying to give it to me...the person who’s going to be around their mom and a cop before the night’s over. 

“Can’t tonight.” I’m so going to get bullied for this, “My mom would know immediately, and then she’d kill all three of us.” 

Billy sits up a little more, not fully taking his hand back but relaxing it a little. Stu drops his head back down, accidentally landing on Billy’s leg. I suppress a laugh when Billy lazily shrugs Stu off. It doesn’t work, because Stu still glares at me as he curls into himself slightly. “You could stay over, sleep it off.”

Maybe Stu’s more high than I thought. I take a step forward, feeling awkward about the distance. “I don’t see how that helps the my mom killing us all thing.” 

“You could call her from my home phone, tell her you’re staying over at Sidney’s or Tay’s.” Stu doesn’t wait for my response before stretching out an arm in my direction. “Come here.” 

It feels a little bit like a trap, but at the same time, standing this close to the door is probably weirder than anything Stu’s going to try. I walk forward and sit down on the edge of his bed. Stu smiles lazily and adjusts so that his legs are on my lap. They’re long. He’s basically an arachnid. 

With Stu, a firm approach is usually best, but this seems harmless enough so I don’t kick him off of me. “You’re like a spider.”

He laugh-scoffs, stretching even further. “Like a daddy long legs.”

There’s a weird attempt at sultriness in his words. It’s so stupid I can’t hep the terrible laugh that comes out. “Shut up. You’re so gross.” Now I do want him off of me. He won’t move so I try dragging myself back a little. All that does is make me bump into Billy’s arm. “Sorry.” 

Dismissing my apologetic look with a short wave of the hand still holding the joint, Billy sits up even more, angling himself towards me. “You should be.” It’s sarcastic, but still oddly flat, like Billy’s putting work into being a part of the conversation.

Stu, clearly feeling forgotten, softly kicks his leg. “Your sobriety’s bringing old Billy Boy back down.” 

I lean back, ignoring the way my fingers brush against Billy’s. “I promise me being high would only depress him more.” 

“I like you high,” Billy muses flatly, “You get all jumpy.” 

I roll my eyes, trying to straighten to pull my hand back but Billy doesn’t let me get that far. His hand turns over and pulls his fingers between my own. It’s a casual enough attempt to pull me back into place, but his eyes are so quick to meet mine. There’s something almost nervous about the shift, and vaguely familiar. An uncertain, begrudging request for reassurance I’ve come to associate with people going through some sort of depressive episode. 

“That was one time,” I mumble, “And it was because you guys are assholes and didn’t tell me that it was extra strong.” 

Stu’s leg moves again, “It wasn’t extra strong, we just didn’t pace you.” 

“Either way--assholes.” 

Billy moves his thumb along my knuckles. “We’ll be nice this time.” He takes a deliberate hit and exhales the smoke in a way that lingers. I can feel the smell of it, a paranoid part of me thinking it’s already caught up in my hair and clothes and skin. Like my mom will just be able to tell already. Maybe it is already too late. 

And it’d upset her. She’s already worried enough about how I’m handling all the killer stuff, if she thinks I’m acting out and smoking she’ll probably freak. This also wouldn’t be the first time I did something like this and didn’t tell her...or the first time I stayed over at a friend’s house to sleep something off. 

It’s also objectively nice to be around them. Also, Billy’s whole slightly off thing is something I’ve definitely seen before. The familiarity finally clicks into place, a few memories of my mother from when I was younger. Bad ones, days in which things slipped through the cracks before my mom was diagnosed and started managing that part of herself.

“Even if you don’t smoke, you should call your mom...stay over.” Billy gets the words out stiffly, like some invisible force was trying to shove them back down his throat. “Keep me from being alone with that one.”

Stu lets out a sound that’s sounds a lot like a tired “fuck off”. The casual disapproval makes me smile.

Billy takes another, much shorter hit. I let myself observe the process. The way the smoke goes in, how he holds it in, and finally the way he forces it out. Billy wordlessly turns the joint around in a silent offering. I give in with an exhale and reach over. Billy doesn’t let me get that far, moving so that his fingers are almost to my mouth. I part my lips and let him hold the joint there as I inhale. He doesn’t give me long before taking it back. He runs his thumb along my knuckles. “Hold.” I struggle, but follow through. “Good. Now breathe.” 

I let it out with a slight cough.

“There ya go,” Stu mumbles, patiently dragging his leg up my thigh. “You’ll feel better.” I wish I had more experience with smoking outside of them. If I did, I’d have a reference point to tell me if Stu’s weed is actually extra strong or not. I’m sure what he gets is considered good shit, since he definitely has the money and tolerance. “You should call your mom before you get all giggly.” 

I openly frown. “I do not get ‘giggly’.” 

“Yeah, you do.” 

I’m not in an argumentative mood. Maybe it’s the atmosphere or the weed is already starting to cloud my judgement. I should call my mom, though. It hasn’t been that long since I left, which means she’s probably still out with Wells. It’ll be easier to just leave a message on the machine. She always checks when she gets home. 

Ever since the first incident, my mom keeps a cell phone on her that’s always on, but it’s still weird to both of us. I don’t have the number fully memorized yet, it’s written on a note held to the fridge by a magnet back home...a few blocks away. The cell phone isn’t exclusively emergency, but my mom doesn’t love portable technology. She thinks they’re tacky and breed rudeness.

I tap Stu’s leg, “Up.” 

Surprisingly enough, Stu listens, letting me go. I let go of Billy’s hand and reach for the extension on Stu’s nightstand. I quickly dial my number and leave a flat message. Staying over at Sid’s, have fun but not too much fun, love you and see you tomorrow. 

In a moment of straight forward association, I almost went with telling my mom I was staying at Tatum’s, but I have to talk to Dewey soon and my mom will probably be there and that felt like a potential loose end. 

Stu half snorts, “Love you and see you tomorrow, mom.” 

I shove Stu’s shoulder. “Shut up.” 

“Have fun but not too much fun,” Billy mumbles, a lot more subdued but just as teasing. 

Rolling my eyes, I move back to the edge of the bed where I was sitting before. “It’s an inside joke.” 

Stu leans forward and pinches my cheek. “That’s adorable.” 

The patronization doesn’t sit well and my eyelids feel heavier than they did a second ago. “I hate you guys.” 

“Clearly,” Stu breathes, reaching over and taking the joint from Billy. “Oh, Billy, forgot to tell you, Y/n’s supposed to be mad at us.” Billy tilts his head a little too far to one side like that’s news enough for him to be curious. “Tay told her about the Noel thing.” 

Billy feels imbalanced, head leaning one way and spine straight. His eyes harden over again. “Really?” He takes my hand again, this time a lot less softly. “Over that asshole?” I let him run his knuckles over my hand again, even though this time it feels a lot less soothing. “If none of your friends like a guy, that usually says something about the guy.” 

I’m sure there’s some kind of joke I could spin. Maybe about where he learned that one from. Get that from Cosmo? But the bordering on defensive look behind Billy’s eyes is overbearing and messing with my head. Stu is seriously in danger for bringing this up right now. 

“It’s not about the guy,” I manage, “It’s about...” All the points I had feel a lot less concrete under Billy’s scrutiny...or maybe it’s the weed. Or both. I swallow, dropping my gaze to my lap as I try to really think. Okay, it’s definitely both. “Timing and boundaries.” It feels fractured. “Like even if a guy totally sucks, you can’t go over my head about it.” 

Stu lets out a sigh, dropping his head onto one of his pillow’s. I glare openly. This is all his fault. Why bring it up now? Billy was just starting to act a little more like himself. “I don’t know what you see in him.” Ugh. It’s like he’s not even hearing me. “Especially with the way he talked about Casey.” 

That last part hits its intended goal. Stu’s staring at the ceiling, so I can’t see his expression, but he seems to take my silence as a win. I don’t know Noel as well as they do, but he did talk about Casey at that party and it wasn’t exactly kind. 

I squeeze what I can grab of the comforter like that will tether me here. It half works but it does nothing to ease the tightening in my chest. The memories mix uneasily with the start of my high. The dip of panic doesn’t suit the way my body wants to feel and it all blends together in a way that leaves me on edge and a little nauseous. 

There’s the sound of someone moving, but I barely pick up on it. Billy smacks the side of Stu’s head. “Too much, asshole.”

Stu throws Billy an offended look before craning his neck to look at me. I must look as off as I feel, because Stu does sit up. “Shit,” he pushes himself back, “Sorry. I didn’t think--” 

“You never think.” The words are pointed, but not completely angry. If I was feeling any better, I would’ve laughed. He slowly reaches forward and I don’t stop him from prying my fingers away from the sheets. “Your trip going a little bad?” I nod. “Don’t think about it.” Easier said than done. “You could end up like Stu the one time he smoked too much while watching one of those old horror movies where the special effects are basically held up by a string.” 

That cracks at the panic a little. “What did he do?” 

“Convinced himself that it was real and we were the ones that were off.” 

I almost laugh. “Actually?” 

“Shut up,” Stu sighs, a little bitter but not actually mad. 

Billy ignores him, “Actually.” He turns my hand over carefully before running his fingers over the thin scar on my palm and up my wrist. “So you’re already doing better than him.”

For a second, I let myself study Billy. The wisps of hair falling forward, the slight pinch between his eyebrows, his focused expression. Billy almost always holds himself with a certain tenseness. Whether that’s force of habit or natural to him, I’m not sure. Maybe that’s why he gets along so well with Stu. They balance each other. 

“Are you...” I don’t know where I’m going with this. “Are you feeling any better?” 

His expression briefly clouds, pulling into something much more blank. He drops his gaze and for a second I feel like I might need to take it back. “Yeah--yeah, don’t worry.” Again, easier said than done. Billy clears his throat almost immediately after, like that will erase the fact that he actually responded. 

“Good.” It doesn’t sound overly positive, but he hasn’t convinced me. “I’ve missed you, a little.” That feels a lot more real.

Billy angles his head downwards, almost smiling. “Only a little?” 

“It’s not like you haven’t been around at all.” He traces an invisible line up my wrist. “Maybe more than a little, anyway.” 

“Aw,” Stu hums, his hand finding a place on my back. He leans forward and rests his head on my shoulder. “You two are adorable.” I’m not really given a chance to answer before Stu lets out a sigh that I feel against my neck, “Don’t be mad.” 

Honestly, I’m not feeling any anger. I’m a little annoyed at him and frustrated that I’m still not normal. That’s all there is. It’s too tiring to turn into anger. “’M not mad,” it feels like a confession, “A little annoyed at you, but not more than usual.” 

He breathes a sarcastic, “Haha” into my shoulder. 

With no warning, I start to unweave myself from them. I think they’re too confused to ask until I’m actually standing. 

“Where are you going, angel?” 

I don’t really know, so I can’t really answer. Stu’s room isn’t super familiar. I’ve been in here a couple times, most of them brief. I take a second to really take in the space. A lot of posters, the ones that aren’t directly bloody movie posters feature practically naked women and some combine the two. It fits him.

“Getting a feel,” I decide on, “You can tell a lot about a person based on their room.” 

Stu moves to the edge of his bed, grinning at my focus. “Really?” 

I move to pull open the drawer of his nightstand. “Mhm.” 

“You’re not going to like anything you find in there.” He places a hand on the front of drawer but doesn’t stop me. 

It takes me a second too long to realize what he’s getting at. By then, I’ve already taken in a cover of a magazine with a model that’s wearing even less than the girls on the posters, a box of condoms, a surprisingly neatly stacked set of polaroids, an old deck of cards, and a few random odds and ends all crammed in there. 

My nose wrinkles, but I’m too distracted by the polaroids to make fun of him. I can only see the top one, but it’s innocent enough, an accidental snapshot that sort of looks like a blurry person on a couch.  

“Polaroids?” I pick them out of the drawer and flip to the next one. A small lump that looks like a cat in Stu’s living room. Weird, I’ve never seen one in his house and he’s never mentioned having a pet. Maybe these are old pictures. Before I can snoop any further, Stu pulls the stack of photos away from me. “You’re no fun.” 

He rolls his eyes as he moves the first photo back into place. “You’re nosy.” I don’t say anything because I’m not so high that I’m clueless. This is a little weird of me, but I can’t help the impulse. “What if the next picture had been me naked?” 

“You take naked pictures of yourself and keep them in your nightstand?” 

Stu intentionally ignores my laughter. “You don’t need pictures for that, baby, you can see the real thing.” 

My laughter picks up again. “Yeah? Let’s go right now.” 

At that, Stu does crack a bit of a smile. “Let’s make Billy strip first.” 

“Deal,” I mumble through another laugh. 

Billy drops his head onto a pillow, “Fuck off.” 

I turn my attention back to the card deck and dig them out with my nail. “Any naked pictures hidden in here or am I good?” 

“No promises.” With that as my warning, I begin to shuffle the cards absentmindedly. “Why? You wanna play strip poker?” 

Ignoring him, I move back to my previous position on the edge of the bed. “Think I’m good.” 

I drag the nail of my thumb along the edge of the cards and focus on the sound of them. Billy nudges my knee with his. I look up as he extends his arm, silently asking for the cards. I hand them over without thinking much about it. Billy begins to actually shuffle in a way that would fit Vegas. 

He has to notice my mesmerized stare, but he says nothing. “Do you actually know how to play anything?”

My mom briefly worked at a casino when I was in the first grade and she’d have to bring me in sometimes, but I retained nothing. “Not really.” 

That starts something. A process that should have been short and easy. Billy trying to explain different versions of poker and Stu trying to trick me, but only sometimes so I couldn’t know to for sure not trust him. It’s a mess of laughter and a refreshing lack of angst. Every once in awhile, someone insists that a loser has to take a drag from a joint, so everyone’s progressively getting worse. I’m pretty sure Stu’s cheating somehow, but I have no proof and I’m too out of it to get any. 

It’s so lighthearted and genuinely fun that I’m fighting against the heaviness of my eyelids. It can’t be that late, but I’m already starting to feel drowsy. I’ve finally been given good cards, so I really need to get it together. “I won.”  

Stu scoffs, eyebrows drawing together as he eyes the cards I just set down. “No--that’s not--” 

“I won,” a yawn cuts my sentence in half, “Don’t be a loser about it.” 

Stu picks up all the cards, ignoring my protests. He’s already mixed me up a couple of times. “I can let you have this one, because you’re--” 

“Because you have to.” 

Billy turns his ankle, tapping his foot against my leg. “Don’t be mean about it.” 

That was nowhere near mean. “Dramatic, both of you.” 

Stu’s mouth falls open in a mock gasp as he continues to gather cards. I don’t know what he’s doing until he drops them all back into his drawer and shuts it. He then walks towards his dresser, pulls out a T-shirt, and tosses it in my direction. “After all I’ve done for you.” 

I pick up the T-shirt and fold it onto my lap but make no move to go to the bathroom to change. “I don’t want to go to sleep.” 

“You’re half asleep already.” Billy ignores the dirty look I give him. “Just change in case you fall asleep.” 

Stupid voice of reason. I scratch the back of my wrist and decide to give in. If for no other reason than the fact that Stu’s shirt is almost weirdly soft. Rich people must have access to different kinds of fabric. I reluctantly get up and find Stu’s bathroom.

I change quickly and take a second to make sure Stu gave me a long enough T-shirt. Thankfully, he did, so I don’t have to feel extra awkward about anything. I fold my clothes and bring them back with me. 

“Looks nice on you, babe.” 

Drowsiness hits harder without any distractions. I blink, unsure on how to respond. Stu’s always a flirt with everyone, but it feels a little weird to react to it while standing in his room at night in one of his T-shirts. “It’s the rich guy cotton.”

The corner of his mouth turns up. “And those legs.” 

“Shut up.” 

Billy turns onto his side, fluffing his pillow. “Go to sleep before he gets worse.” 

“Yeah.” The two of them look comfortable, all settled. “I’ll crash on the couch.” 

Stu props his head up on an elbow. “You don’t wanna do that. Living room’s creepy at night and you’ve smoked too much. You’ll get scared.” 

“I’m not 12.” 

“It’s safer here, you wouldn’t be alone if something happened.” 

Ugh, Stu can never resist trying to get me paranoid. “Nothing’s going to happen.” That’s what I thought when I was at Casey’s. 

“Just get in bed,” Billy mumbles, half asleep, “I know how this argument goes with the two of you.” When I don’t move, Billy sighs, “If I fall asleep and you get freaked out, I’m not helping.” 

Stu lays back down, “He means it. He’s an asshole when he’s tired.” He pauses for so long, I briefly think he might have fallen asleep. “...’S not a big deal.” 

True. It wouldn’t even be the first time we all fell asleep in the same bed. And Billy’s slept over in my room enough times for that to barely phase me. “Yeah.” 

I walk over towards the bed. “Drink water,” Billy mumbles the words with his eyes still shut. I look over at the nightstand and there’s a glass there that wasn’t there before. I drink a few long sips until Stu sits up to steal the glass from me. 

Rude. “Give me--” 

He downs the rest of it in a few gulps, “Go to bed.” 

I roll my eyes, but unfortunately do listen. Stu pushes me towards the middle, ignoring my surprised huff. I smack his arm before covering myself with his bed sheets. I barely get to reflect on how much of an asshole move that was before I fall asleep. 

----

A/n fun fact, there’s a moment in here where Y/n came superrr close to accidentally finding out who Ghostface is :) 

Taglist: @cole22ann @womenarecannibals @fand0mskullfa1ry @princessleah129 @i-amnotokaywiththis @fvcking-gxddess @suckmyass-things @im-better-than-your-newborn @michibuni @bigenargy @marli-lavellan @mushy-mushroom04 @neenieweenie @lone-ray @the-ruler-of-death @andthevillainshallrises @thesebitcheslovesosadotcom @thesebitcheslovesosadotcom @dixbolik-bby @thebitchiestnerdtowalktheearth @peachycupotea @my5tica1ien @agustdeeyaa @astrial @3ll0kittylvr420 @zoleea-exultant @slaypussypop-21 @aonungs-tsahik @finnydraws @slytherhoes @vxarak @xofeeeeelsxo @thewayiknowyou @yourslashersfinalgirl @winterridinghood @maggieleighc 

[ot3]

thoughts about the beginning of umineko chapter 6

this short interaction here has been making me feel insane

like theres just so much swirling around my head here

whatever relationship beatrice and kinzo had seems, to put it lightly, fucked up. as much as beatrice seems to hold pride in her title of family alchemist every time we actually explore her relationship to kinzo it seems like a fucking hostage situation

whatever beatrice's relationship to battler is it involves the events of 6 years ago, when battler attempted to leave the ushiromiya family

kinzo being fully confirmed dead before the games start, battler's piece solving the epitaph, and battler becoming the game master and thus the sorcerer at the end of game 5 has him both inherit kinzo's position literally and metatextually.

beatrice was theorized to be kinzo's mistress, and in the game where beatrice showed up as a piece the siblings all hypothesized that she was the long lost child of kinzo's mistress come to stake her claim on the family fortune

and on the subject of long lost children battler has said that there is a chance that he was the baby natsuhi pushed off a cliff 19 years ago, which. well for starters if that's true then what does that mean for his biological relationship to ange? they have the same hair color. what does it all mean. anyway

game 5 also showed us more of natsuhi's feelings of respect towards kinzo and desire to belong to the family proper which, obviously, were not in any way returned by the real kinzo himself and were only there in her delusions

erika uses the 5th game to essentially frame natsuhi for having an affair with kinzo, essentially forcibly casting her as his mistress despite her only seeing him as a father

i dont know man i dont know like this isnt even Theorycrafting i am just trying to untangle the rancid vibes happening in umineko and its impossible. it really took me awhile to get hooked here but i am fully invested in beato's wild ride. on a tangentially related note this stuff with featherine and ange is VERY orv.

[coreytravelogue]

10 (and 5) Year Anniversary of Going to Europe

I am pretty late on doing this but my excuse is a rather strong one, I have been more invested in the trip I am on that is coming to a end now than putting in time talking about this. However given that I am travelled out I feel more willing to sit down and reflect on this time. It is funny, 10 years ago 2.5 weeks was just maybe the first piece of my trip and I don’t recall burn out setting in quite yet but it has sort of now. I do not think I could do 76 days of travel without breaks going back home but that is what made that time special, it was a once in a life time adventure and test to see if I could do it.

The story as to why has been told to death I think and for those who don’t know just start at the star to my blog and go forward. Long story short I was reaching a point in my life when I needed a change and decided to drop everything and backpack. I was hoping the trip would change me, and it did but it took awhile to happen. I had to start from the beginning again and work my way back up.

Europe taught me you can’t control the uncontrollable plus no matter how much you plan something life will always have a way of throwing a monkey wrench in. Sometimes you have to learn to let go to move forward. In the 10 years time much has changed in my life. I got into a relationship and got out of it, a pandemic began and ended, I returned to Europe once again and saw more countries, I go to see more of my own country as a adult than I did previously. Started a career and at least up until the last year or so felt there was a future in it but in its current iteration I am not so sure. And now I am coming close to finishing my Japan trip. Japan is a country I wanted to see before I even cared about travel.

With that said I am glad I traveled Europe twice and experienced all of that before going to Japan because if I didn’t I would have struggled in Japan more than I have at times.

I met a few good people from Europe, some I am still in contact with and some unfortunately I am not anymore. Katharina from a Koln I talk to now and then and both her and her boyfriend visited me last year. Maria from Dusseldorf I talk to now and then as well.

All the time I am tempted to do this trip over again, drop everything and do it again. However it’s after trips like the one I am on now that remind me I am not 29 anymore and it may not be as fiscally advisable or advisable in general anymore.

This time 10 years ago I was in Dusseldorf meeting Maria for the first time, painfully lonely and looking for people to meet and converse with. That made traveling worth it and it has made times where I haven’t interacted with people during my travels less worth it.

The strongest memories from those days are as follows:

- Watching Euro Grip with Maria and her turning to me and asking me is that what you think of us?

- Hanging with Katharina and someone from South Korea for a day where we made Lego versions of ourselves.

- The Berlin Film Museum and walking 90 min back to my campsite when I realized the bus stops going to the campsite after 10 pm. Bering thankful I sort of memorized the route just in case this happened.

- Meeting so many Americans at Oktoberfest.

- Eating with my host in Istanbul surrounded by a restaurant full of hungry cats.

- Pouring my own Dublin Guinness.

- All of the days and nights I spent in Galway.

- The sleeping in in Belfast.

- Getting stranded without a place to stay in Scotland only to be saved by my host in Glasgow.

- Driving the tardis in Wales.

- Seeing Mount Salem in Paris, getting angry at my hostel mates for having the heat up way too much and getting so made I went to Euro Disneyland the next day.

- Seeing Motörhead in London before going back home to Canada.

I mean this is also the 5 year anniversary of my second Euro trip. I learned that I needed to spend more time in places and that speed running through places doesn’t do you any good an only adds to your stress. I am thankful I did that trip because that was the last international trip I would do till this Japan trip.

My memories from that was meeting up with Katharina and Maria again. Wishing I spent more time with them than in other places like Leipzig. The beer festival in Nuremberg and burning out in Leipzig because of speed running.

I guess that is my 10 year anniversary talk about my first Europe trip and 5 year anniversary of my 2nd. Funny how it lines up with Japan now to but as I have said before much of my travel has always seemed to be in August or around it. Just the way it is.

You will hear from me tomorrow as I close out my trip talking about my week in Tokyo. Shazbot nanu nanu.

[yinses]

B R A N D E D

| he would make sure that everyone knew who you belonged to |

tattoo artist! sukuna ryomen

rating: t

a/n: this is going to be a three part series. it got too long because i couldn’t shut up. thank you to @teoran for beta reading !! 

you should have never informed yuuji that you were thinking about getting a tattoo, because of course his first response would be hey, sukuna owns a shop. why don’t you stop there. as if you didn’t already known that. your other friend, unfortunately had not known how to be subtle about it.

its when you go to hand off your card that they gasp audibly, drawing the attention of both yourself and the woman behind the counter.

“you’re not going to ask for a discount? i mean you know the owner, right?”

she jumps back quick enough to dodge the errant elbow you throw her way.

you knew you would regret telling her.

the woman is undeterred as she take your card, looking bored with the news. “so you know sukuna, huh?” the way she said it implied that it wasn’t the first time it had been made known to her.

you had known the man long enough to know where her thoughts were going with that assumption. sukuna wasn’t only popular for his art. a shudder rolled through your body at the idea of being categorized as one of his flings.

it wasn’t as though you were intentionally shaming the women. but it was sukuna. the same guy who locked you and his younger brother out on the patio whenever he was meant to keep an eye on you. and then blamed you for hiding from him when the responsible adults got home.

in hindsight, maybe you should have chosen another location. but now your card has been charged.

you scribbled your signature on the receipt, “uh yeah, awhile now. im not requesting him or anything.”

“his appointment book is full anyway. he doesn’t take walk ins.” its not said snidely, just matter of fact. as if she was seasoned with dealing with these kind of customers.

the man of topic strides in then, carrying a few bags of take-out that he drops carelessly onto the counter. he doesn’t m look unlike any other day, a loose white sleeveless shirt with a low hanging v-neck that just invited attention to his skin. the swirls of black ink made permanent by his hand only. though that was the advantage of this field and owning your own business on top of it.

sukuna was prepared to ignore the clientele planted at front desk, until he did a double take. those vermilion eyes took you in, morphing from speculation, to shock, a pinch of awe, then back to postulation.

“what are you doing here?”

a small frown mars you face. you didn’t actually consider that perhaps sukuna wouldn’t want you here. it was one thing to know the guy, but whether you wanted to accept it or not, you weren’t just another customer. so you unsurely respond with, “getting a tattoo?”

the snort he gives isn't one of annoyance. in fact its almost comforting to see the minuscule curl of his lips until they start to part, “yeah, missing something aren’t you?”

you realize with a frown that he’s referring to his brother.

“i have other friends.”

that slow smile wides as he gives your friend a brief look of appreciation. suddenly all those years of witnessing him cart his flings around rise to the forefront of your mind.  really nothing rarely changed. “ i can see that.”

his gaze cuts back to you, “what are you getting? your boyfriends name?”

you cant tell if he’s teasing, fishing or a combination of them both.

he turns to lean over the counter, arms flexing at the action and pinches the fresh design still hot from the printer. you resist the urge to shuffle in place as he inspects the image with more interest than there were lines. it was hardly all that complex, just as you intended.

sukuna finally voices his opinion, to no surprise of your own. “yeah? kind of small isn’t it?”

“its my first sukuna,” you drawl.

you realize too late that the wording isnt best around him.

“no kidding.”

he tugs a styrofoam box free from the plastic bag before gesturing to you with a tilt of his head.

“alright, lets knock it out.”

you look to the woman expecting her to complain about his pending appointments but she only returns it with a pointed look. when it came down to it, what the boss wanted goes.

right then.

turning, you address your friend who seemed more invested in watching sukuna’s departure. “are you coming?”

her gaze snaps to you and she doesn’t even bother to pretend. she shrugs, “you may not be squeamish about needles but i am.” her hand waves vaguely towards the lounge area near the coffee station and stack of assorted snacks. “i’ll come running if you scream though,” she teases as you turn down the hall.

sukuna’s voice carries from the right in guidance where you find him setting his food off to the side. the room is neat. though you don’t know what you were expecting given the health expectations lining his work. then again, you’d spent the better part of the decade watching him cart week old pizza boxes out of his room so it was hardly a baseless assumption.

aside from the desk of tools and variety of inks the only other defining feature was the wall at the back. there was no rhyme or direction to the madness. the once white wall was littered with varying penmanships and messages. almost like an autograph book. some derogatory, others genuinely thankful for his work - you think you see a few numbers too.

the cushion of the seat protests under his weight as he rolls to the center of the room. he has the stencil of your chosen art held up in expectation.

“where is this pretty little thing going?”

“oh my rib- here on the right.” you think nothing of bringing up the hem of your shirt to expose the skin just under the curve of your breast.

he almost looks impressed, though there is some doubt. he wheels closer and gives no warning as his hand palpates the area. “over the bone? that’s daring for your first tattoo, princess.”

the name was nothing new, an accompaniment to yuuji’s ‘brat’.

part of you actually grateful that its sukuna. the entire shop had good reviews but it was best known for his talent. besides, the charge was already sitting on your card.

“i can handle it.”

he’s still squinting at your side, fingers tickling at your skin.

“yeah?” he answers absently. nimble digits you didn't think had any taste for delicacy carefully peel the plastic from the stencil. he doesn’t second guess himself in the slightest before pressing it to your skin.

when he pulls away, the chair follows him as he collects a hand mirror from his desk to reflect the design back to you.

“double sure?” he’s still rallying your resolve, but there is a hint of warning to his voice as professionalism seeps in.

with a firm nod you seal the deal,” yeah.”

“aright, pin up your shirt out of the way. tuck it into your bra if you want.”

you were expecting this already, given the location you’d decided on. with sukuna that action comes effortlessly without thought. it was no different than the times he’d seen you in your bathing suit, your brain reasoned. at least you still had your pants this time.

sukuna rests back into a lean against his small desk. absently you note that his eyes haven't left you once since you’d entered the room.

“eager little thing aren't you?”

but its sukuna.

you shrug.“ i guess. kind of been saving up for this one.”

the noise he makes is non-committal as he nods to the angled chair.

without your shirt there was no barrier between yourself and the leather. you expected the cold chill but the lack of stickiness kind of surprised you. once again you were reminded of the indisputable list of reviews at your fingertips.

sukuna goes about collecting the materials to disinfect your skin, angling the bottle and cotton over the trash can to catch the excess drops. satisfied with the saturation, he slides back.

you try to absorb the brief shock you feel when he applies the alcohol to your skin. it was hardly a substitute for actual bracing to come but it was good practice. when you look up, you catch his gaze again.

he’d been more observant in these last few minutes than you could ever recall sukuna caring before. maybe it was the job. though the thought of him excelling at customer service has you fighting a snort.

“cold,” you supply and he gives another grunt.

he chucks the cotton ball into the trash with all the efficiency of a man who has made a sport out of it and probably keeps score.

deciding on a solid color eliminated the need for him to break away to change shades, eliminating any surplus time keeping you in this chair.

a gloved hand braces your side, pinching the skin, while the other holding the gun rests against your sternum. when the motor starts you take a careful breath in. sukuna’s eyes raise at the sound.

“not nervous?”

you blink, expecting him to just get to it.

“uh, not really? i’ve never really been afraid of needles.”

he pauses. just when you part your lips to ask what wrong the buzzing starts.

its impossible not to tense at the first bite of the needle. but you fight the urge to jerk. it stings. the vibration of the motor is uncomfortable against your ribcage but it's not unbearable. you certainly wouldn't cry.

sukuna seems to notice it as well.

“not going to lie thought you’d be more of a cry baby? weren't you the one sobbing after you stubbed your toe.”

you latch onto the idle chatter even if it's a jibe.

“i was eleven and i sprained that toe.”

he gives you a quick glance. “sure, princess. completely called for the waterworks.”

you snort. “yeah well it made me stronger. im barely affected today.”

your words are followed by a shift of his hand as it turns to follow a line, the movement pressing firmly against the underside of your breast. you're too attentive to the needle pinching at your skin to take notice.

but sukuna does, eyes narrowing without your awareness.

“yeah, i can see that.”

rather than closing your eyes to block out the pain, you find a more comforting distraction in tracing the lines of his tattoos with your gaze. you can hardly make out the first tattoo he’d gotten at the age of seventeen after forging his parents signature. 

the abstract design had now branched out, interlocking with new styles to map out the formation of a sleeve. it was almost like his own branded language. a dialect of bold shapes and bands. you’d never thought to actually ask what his tattoos meant. nor did you expect an honest answer.  

sukuna works rather quickly and efficiently while your mind wandered. even if he hadn’t squeezed you in during his lunch break this felt like the usual pace for him. he looked so in the zone as he followed the pre-made lines to perfection.

you weren’t the model customer, still having your brief moments of weakness but he rolled with the interruptions better than you expected. sukuna was brash growing up and didn’t tolerate nonsensical people. you’d had your fair share of opportunities to be chewed out by him.

and earned a reasonable amount of them, though your returning attitude said otherwise.

but this sukuna was softer, if you could put it like that. he knew the right time to give you breaks but didn’t let your nerves settle too much. when he wasn’t adding a layer to permanency to your skin, an errant finger would smooth over the swelling flesh.

more than once you heard him throw out a quiet good girl. that you knew was meant to be encouraging but it came with additional implications that tickled your skin.

he tells you that you should be grateful that the artwork doesn’t need any shading. that it was never a good fit for beginners.

your chest expands the furthest it had in the last half hour when he finally rolls back.

“alright, princess, go ahead and take a look.”

you take the offered mirror again and angle it to take in the fresh piece. the reflection you get back is- amazing. you’d been so concentrated?? on micromanaging the pain that you failed to take in the little details he’d added along with the original design.

as if reading your thoughts, he snorts. “it's not my art if i don't leave my mark. you can tell me it looks good you know.”

if you didn't know any better, you’d say he was authentic in his attempt to bait your approval.

and you had no reason not to provide.

your legs are a little shaky but you manage to balance yourself before brining the eldest itadori into a hug. sukuna goes stiff for a moment before returning the embrace and doesn’t resist when you press your face into his shoulder. there’s an awkward pat before they release each other from the hold.

sukuna .. before he’s shrugging you off.

“god, what a noob. at least let me cover it up. you’re going to irritate the skin.”

when he turns back to rummage through his desk you note the hint of a flush creeping up his nape. you know better than to mention it, instead just smiling at his back.

there is a scowl on his face as he applies the cotton square to your skin and tapes it in place.

“please do not itch this shit. i don’t care if you feel like your skin is going to fall off.”

he presses a small tube of antibiotic into your hand.

“and apply this daily. you don't need it drying out. “

you’re grateful for the little slip of printed instructions that follow. you were able to remember the sensible directions but it couldn't hurt to have additional guidance when you started to question the progress.

“oh and no sex.”

that was definitely not on the list.

sukuna raises a brow in all seriousness. “what? if you get your blood pumping too much.”

you call him on his bullshit,” this small? hardly. “

he raises his hands in mock surrender. “alright, try it yourself if you want. i charge for touch ups though.”

the two of you size each other up. just like old times.

with a sigh you relent, “fine, no sex.”

“good, see me in two weeks.”

his words stop you short. it wasn’t as if you needed anything added and he wasn’t a physician checking on your progress. if anything, you would only revisit your artist if there was a problem.

“what for?”

the dawning grin would follow you for the next fourteen days.

“to make sure you didn’t have sex.”

[jadedxrealityw]

-Cold- Loki Laufeyson x Female Reader

    ☼-☪-☼

   Kody: First Loki imagine, let’s do this. DISCLAIMER. MOST OF THE DIALOGUE FROM THE CANONICAL CHARACTERS IS TAKEN DIRECTLY FROM THE MOVIE TO MAKE IT MORE REALISTIC. YOU CAN TELL WHICH PARTS I WROTE AND DIDN’T WRITE. OKAY? okayyyy

   Movie/Show: Thor: Ragnarok- but you somehow know strange. Don’t question me lmao. 

   Summary: while staying with Dr. Strange for a bit, you end up meeting your old friend again, Thor. What you don’t expect is too meet with his adopted brother Loki. Who turns out to be your perfect match (Vague for reasons)

   Possible Triggers / Warnings: Very long story, Slowburn, Steven and Tony being a dad, cursing, Val being kinda great

    ☼-☪-☼

   sometimes being stuck in the avengers base was.....stressful. with Vision being like a newborn baby around everything, you constantly had to help him understand certain things. Like a microwave or a stove since he wanted to learn how to cook for Wanda. Kinda cute actually. 

   you could hear Natasha cry at night about Bruce vanishing during the battle against Ultron. You tried to comfort hr once or twice, but she was adamant about handling it on her own. You wish you could have helped more. It’s not like you could hug her without layers of clothing covering almost every inch of your skin.

   oh yeah, the whole reason you were even there is because Tony Stark had found you with Wanda and Pietro. You were slightly different from them, no telekinesis, telepathy, or enhanced agility and reflexes. Your mercular DNA was ripped apart then put back together with enhancements, unique ones. 

   your body was now able to freeze anything with just a touch and manipulate it, but with all powers. There were side effects. You couldn’t touch anyone without giving them frostbite. Your powers were too much for you too handle so your body was constantly below freezing. 

   it was terrible. You had lived so long without the feeling of another's skin on yours. You could never, hug, hold someone's hand, kiss, do....that. You were condemned to a life of touch starvation. It sucked, but you still kept a smile on your face. 

   during a errand run in new york you had met Steven Strange. You had recognized him from his work as a doctor and gave him your condolences for his accident. He seemed to take some sort of interest in you, which you later figured out that he knew you had your ‘enhancements’ from the news. 

   he explained to you that with his help he may be able to train you to keep your body temperature at a normal human one. You were a bit off put by his offer and he gave you a simple address in case you changed your mind and with that. You left. 

    ☼-☪-☼

   a month later

   “Tony it’s just for a little while-”

   “No! your running off with some rando voodoo doctor who could kill you and steal your kidneys!”

   your face twinges a bit in confusion. You had told everyone that you’d be leaving for awhile and they all wished you luck on your solo adventure. You had also decided to wait till the actual day you were leaving to tell Tony. He was a tad overprotective of you when it came to strangers. 

  “He’s not going to steal my kidneys- Tony my car is waiting i have to go” you say as you pick up the bag you had dropped on the floor as the whole ordeal again. “Didn’t know you had such little trust in me” he exhales deeply, pressing a finger to his temple in visible frustration. 

   “I do trust you. I don’t trust the world outside of these walls” Tony admits. you will confess, you liked his weird fatherly side. “Well- the world as you call it can freeze if they touch me. You have to let me do things on my own Tony” you give him a half smile. 

   Tony expression turns into his thinking one, which is either a good or a very bad thing. He digs into his pocket and pulls out what looks like a jewelry box “Are you trying to bribe me with diamond earrings?” you ask, slightly unimpressed with him. 

   he rolls his eyes and lifts the lid. You see a silver necklace with a star pendant. You could faintly see a small blue crystal in the middle. It reminded you of his reactor, Clever. It was still technically a bribe, but it was indeed a beautiful necklace.

   “No. I made this about a month ago and could never think of the right time. It’s a necklace with a beacon. If you need help press the blue button under the silver lid and i’ll come get and save you. Like always” Tony finishes his sentence off with a smirk, which makes you chuckle. 

   you reach and grab the box with your gloved hand “Thank you, Tony” you say and pull the necklace out the box. You undo the clasp and wrap it around your neck, clasping it back. Tony gives you his proud dad smile and pats your shoulder “If this witch man is able to help you. I get to be your first hug”

   you break out into laughter, nodding “Of course” you say and he chuckles along with you. You hear a honk from outside “I’m coming. Chill out Happy!” you shout. Tony gulps and waves you off “Go ahead, i’m not keeping you any longer.” he says. 

   smiling, you sling the bag over your shoulder and nod at him “I’ll see you soon Tony” you say and turn around, heading out the door and towards the car waiting outside. Happy rolled down the window, same unhappy expression on his face “what took you so long!”

   rolling your eyes, you open the passenger door and throw your bag on the car floor before hoping in. “You know Tony, stubborn as ever” you reply, closing the door. Happy replies with a small hum before starting up the car. You pull out the card with the address and hand it to Happy.

   Tony watched you walk out, his face dropping a bit “Come back home kiddo”

    ☼-☪-☼

   two weeks later

   in your short time with Strange he showed you the most incredible things that you never knew. It also hurt your brain to think about how big the multiverse really was, but Strange was able to explain it in simple terms. He had also given you a meditation regiment that you followed everyday.

   it was supposed to help you calm your mind enough that you could force your body to warm up. It hasn’t changed anything so far, but Strange said it was normal. While reading a novel across from Strange who was- looking out a window. “Great” he grumbles under his breath.

   you lower the book, sliding the juice bar stamp card you used as a bookmark between the pages. “Is something wrong?” you ask, tilting your head. Strange’s eyebrows furrow “Someone who isn’t supposed to be here. Is here. Along with his slightly intelligent brother”

   what- “I don’t follow?” you say as he makes his way downstairs. You quickly jump out the chair and go to follow him. In a quick movement his cloak unclipped from his body and stopped in front of you, blocking your movements “Um Strange?” you call out.

   he stops at the bottom of the stairs and turns his head to look at you “You stay here. If there is a fight it could be dangerous” he spoke. “I can help fight with my ability-” he holds up his hand, stopping you from talking. It reminded you of Tony a little bit. 

   “That is the exact reason you need to stay. Using your powers could throw off what you have worked for so far” he spoke. Sighing deeply, you nod “Okay, i’ll stay. I promise” you say to reassure him. Strange nods and his cloak returns to him, clipping back on. 

   “Thank you” he says and lifts his arms up, he starts performing what you assume is a spell while mumbling under his breath. It lasted a couple seconds before he walked off to the lower floor. You had to ask him how he did certain spells like that portal one, just to mess with Steve. 

   you heard your stomach grumble and sighed “Strange needs to invest in a fucking microwave. I want a hot pocket so bad” 

     ☼-☪-☼

   you guilt tripped wong into magic-ing a microwave in the sanctum. Poor dude, but hey- hot pocket. You also changed out of your pjs because wong said you were ‘lazy’ what a tool. You did anyway and ended up wearing a long sleeve black turtleneck, matching gloves with heather grey and white plaid pants. 

   As you took your last bite you heard talking, but not just Stranges voice, a deeper one. Sounded somewhat familiar, but you couldn’t quite recognize it fully. It came from downstairs. You look at the steps and bit your bottom lip, thinking. Strange told you to stay, but-

   screw it

   slowly you step down, making sure it didn’t creak too loud and alarm Strange to your presence. Once you made it all the way down the voices stopped. What the hell? Oh wait they were coming from the first floor now. Was Strange just teleporting throughout sanctum.

   yes

   the talking got louder and you peaked around the corner. First you spotted Strange, twisting a strange of hair in his hands? He ended up throwing it in the air and it created a portal. Okay then. Then when you looked beside him, you saw- no, it can’t be.

   “Thor?!”

   you ran down the stairs, tripping over your feet a bit. The god turned around and smiled upon seeing you “Lady Y/n! It has been quite some time. You have grown indeed!” he says. You nod, almost reaching out to hug him, but stopped. Thor noticed and gave you a sad smile.

   “I thought i told you to stay upstairs?” Strange spoke. You chuckle nervously and gesture to Thor “I haven’t seen him in a long time. I’m sorry” you say. Strange looks like he wants to stay mad at you but exhales deeply “Your forgiven, under the circumstances”

   you smile brightly. Strange was a pretty cool guy. You turn away from him and back at Thor “So, what’s going on? Why are you back on earth? What happened to figuring out your vision and going back to asgard?” you ask a multitude of questions. 

   Thor shakes his head “My witch of a brother has hidden my father on earth and i need to get him back. This wizard has offered me help in return that i take Loki back to asgard where he belongs.” Thor explains. You nod slowly, you had never met the god of mischief himself, only heard stories.

   “Loki is here?” you ask and gaze around the room. 

   you heard Strange gasp before lifting his arms “Oh yeah right” he swirls his hands as a portal forms on the ceiling. A distant scream was heard before a man with long black hair and a matching suit popped out and crashed onto the floor, Loki. 

   Loki slowly lifts his head, whipping his hair out of his face and propping himself up on his elbows “I have been falling, for thirty minutes!” he shouts. Damn- thirty minutes? “That’s cold Strange and that’s a lot coming from me” you say, making Thor snicker a bit. 

   “You can handle it from here?” Strange nods towards Thor who does the same, reaching over to shake his hand. “Thank you very much for your help” Loki lifts himself off the floor and turns to look a Strange, glaring daggers at him. “Handle me?” he snaps, venom lacing his tone.

   Oh! Look actual daggers. Oh wait- Loki came towards Strange and in an instant your eyes turned a bright white, no pupils and your skin turned an icy white, with the nose and tips of your ears and fingers a light blue. You stepped in front of strange as cold fog emitted from your hands. 

   you were breathing heavily which came out as fog as well. Thor had seen you like this before so this was pretty normal for him.  Strange stared at you for a moment, just blinking. He had seen this before- “Don’t touch the wizard” you breathed out. 

   Loki’s angered face turned into a smug look “And who do you think you are to challenge me, mortal?” he questions, drawing closer towards you. Before any harm could be done to either of you, Thor stepped between, looking at his brother “Brother, you will not harm Lady Y/n. She is a friend”

   aw how sweet. Loki takes another look at you before his daggers retreat “Fine” he grumbles. Your skin turns back to its normal S/c and your pupils return “Thanks Thor” you say and he nods at you. Strange coughed before gesturing to the portal. 

   Thor exhales before smiling lightly “Right. Thank you so much for your help again and it was lovely to see you Lady Y/n” he spoke. You smile “Just Y/n is fine. I hope you find what your looking for” you spoke. You couldn’t imagine what you’d do if Tony went missing. Thor must have been going crazy.

   “You’ll have to tell me all about it once you get back Y/n” Strange spoke suddenly, making you turn your head to face him once again with a confused expression. “What are you talking about?” you ask. Thor steps beside you while Loki stood s a few feet behind both of you.

   “Oh you’ll be going along with them” Strange spoke casually as he began to make his way up the stairs. What the hell? “Um- why?! What about my regiment?” you question. Strange stops at the top of the stairs and faces the three of you, hands behind his back. 

��  he studies your face, then Thor’s, then Loki. “Trust me” is all he says before disappearing into a portal of his own. You blinked mindlessly for a couple seconds “Uh-” “Lady Y/n- i mean just Y/n. I suppose you’ll be accompanying me and my brother. Once we return to asgard, will send you home.”

   you looked at Thor, thinking. Should you go? You had never been to another planet before, so you were completely unaware of what was too possibly happen. Even if you were afraid of the unknown, you could not pass up this opportunity “Let’s go”

   Thor pats your clothes back and smiles “Alright, into the mystic portal we go!” he cheers, making you chuckle. “Not only am i stuck with my oaf of a brother, but also some mortal quim” Loki snarls from behind you. Oh isn’t he a breath of fresh air “Yeah, cry about it antlers”

   yikes, you’ve been around tony too much. 

   Loki’s fist clench before all three of you walk through the portal.

   you all ended up in a grassy field. It was beautiful. The smell of the sea nearby filled your nose, causing a calm feeling to course through you. “I don’t see father” Thor spoke, looking around. You gaze about as well and spot a man at the edge of the field. 

   placing a glove hand on Thor, you tap him. The god looks at you as you point at Odin. Thor sighs deeply “Let’s go Loki” he spoke and waved for this brother to follow. You stayed put as Loki passed you, his arm grazing yours for a moment. There is like so much field to walk around you, but okay-

   You turn around and began to walk in the other direction, giving them some space. It wasn’t your business to put yourself into their family drama. 

    ☼-☪-☼

   You walk mindlessly for a couple minutes, making sure to stay relatively close to the brothers and his father. You stop and look at them for a moment just as Odin had turned to a fine gold powder/dust and blew away into the sky. Oh no- Odin, he’s dead. 

   just before you could even think another thought the sky began to crack in thunder. From the distance you were at you could Thor’s fingers spark up as he turned towards Loki. Oh god he’s going to kill him. Your previous thoughts of not getting involved were thrown out as you began to run towards them.

   you couldn’t let Thor hurt his brother, he would surely regret it later. A green energy ball formed couple feet in front of you, stopping you from running towards the brothers. You had stopped your feet so harshly it caused you to fall back onto your butt.

   the green energy grew bigger as the brother began to draw close to it. A flash of thunder changed Thor’s clothes into his original asgardian armor and Loki used to Magic to change his to a green leather outfit. Seemed very Loki-ish. The energy stopped forming and you were sure that Thor or Loki couldn’t see you. 

   just as fast as the green energy appeared, it vanished to reveal the back of a women, she had long black hair and a matching outfit. Who was this? That didn’t matter right now considering Thor look liked he was ready to fight which means that you had to be. 

   “So he’s gone?” the woman spoke, referring to Odin you presumed. She gazes around for a moment before looking back at the boys “Such a shame, i would have liked to have seen that” she said. Oh- well that’s just rude. “You must be Hela” Thor spoke. So that was her name.

   “I’m Thor, son of odin” he continued. He just had to introduce himself right now? How formal of him. You slowly began to stand up. This woman had not noticed you, which means you had the upper hand. “Really?” she asked, a amused tone present within her voice.

   “You don’t look like him” Hela adds. you thought Thor looked like Odin- just a tad. Why are you thinking about this right now. “Perhaps we can come to an arrangement?” Loki spoke. Well at least Thor isn’t trying to kill Loki right now. Now that you think about it Hela and Loki kind of looked alike. 

   Hela lifts her arm a bit to pint at Loki, before dropping it to her side a second later “You sound like him” she says before taking a step closer “Kneel” she commands. “Beg your pardon?” Loki leans forward as if he had not heard what he had just said. Uh oh. 

   Hela’s arm twist, a long blade forming in her hand. “Kneel...before your queen” she repeats once more. Queen?!. You take a deep breath, pupils disappearing, skin turning white and blue, and fog emitting from your hands. Let’s do this. Thor takes a step forward, gazing at you for only a second “I don’t think so”

   Loki took a glance at Thor. You both knew what the god of thunder was about to do. Thor lifts his arm and throws his hammer at Hela, but- she caught it. She caught Thor’s hammer?! Oh shit. Both Loki and Thor’s face turn into a grim and confused one. 

   “It’s..not possible” Thor spoke in disbelief. “Darling, you have no idea what’s possible” Hela spoke before squeezing her hand around Mjollnir. She was crushing the hammer. In a split second a burst of electricity and wind was sent everywhere. 

   you lift your arm and cover your face to protect your eyes. Once it died down you move your arm and saw Thor’s hammer in pieces on the grass. What was she? Who was she? Hela lifted her arms to her head and slid them back along the base of her skull, forming a large spiked crown. 

   she repeated her hand movements from earlier except with both her arms. Two blades in each hand. You had to move now. You close your palms together and pull them apart, an ice spear forming in between. You ran up to her and jumped in the air to get a higher advantage. 

   “Y/n, no!” Thor shouts as he runs up to Hela as well. Loki looks up in the sky and shouts “Bring us back!” Hela turns around quickly and spots you running towards her. Just as you were about to land on her, she grabs your neck. “Now who are you?” she asked. but you didn’t answer. 

   instead you rip a glove off one of your hands and press it to her face. Hela screams in agony and throws you towards Thor. You landed on him with hard thud. That’s going to hurt in the morning. Suddenly a portal formed around all three of you and sent you into the sky. It was the same one Thor usually left on. 

   Your body felt weird all over like you were about to vomit or pass out- maybe both. You looked up and saw Thor a few feet up above you and you assumed Loki was under you. Thor looks down at you, then Loki “Loki!” he shouts and the black haired god looks under him, you so as well. 

   Hela was just behind you all “She wasn’t even in the portals range!” you shout, earning now answer from either brothers. Lok reaches into his sleeve and pulls out a small blade. He lifts his arm and chucks it at her, but she dodges it easily and sends it flying back towards Loki.

   Loki had another blade in hand and used that one to dodge the other hela threw at him, but it sent him flying out the portal “Y/n! follow loki! I’ll find you both. I promise!” Thor shouts and without a second thought you use your spear to stab into the portal and push yourself out. 

   sometimes you wished you thought about things first. 

    ☼-☪-☼

   your head was throbbing and aching in the worst way possible, like you had crashed into a wall. Your eyes slowly open and you see a regular sky with purple portals spread throughout it- okay maybe not so normal. “Hands off of me you mewling quim!” you know that complaining tone from anywhere. 

   you push yourself off the ground, using some random junk metal to lean on. Looking around you would think you were in some junk yard. No time to wonder where you were because you had a god to help. You push things out your way before you spot what looked like scavengers, mostly wearing masks.

   they were holding onto Loki’s arms. Couldn’t he just use his magic? Guess not. Anyway, you jump down from the ledge your on, catching most of their attention “We just got on this planet and your already pissing the natives off?” you question Loki.

   he narrows his blue eyes at you as he struggles against the people holding his arms “Get on with it!” he shouts at you. No please? Whatever. You activate your powers, slowly pulling the other glove off of your hand “Hand over the god will you?” 

   “You’ll have to get through all of us!” one man shouts. They hold up their weapons at you making you sigh “Alright, have it your way” you shrug, flicking your hand, a dark blue blade with a silver handle forming in the palm of your hand. 

   the scavengers ran towards you. One swung a club at you, but you caught his arm in your hand. The man screams in agony as his whole arm turns black with frostbite. You take that opportunity to slice his now very crunchy arm off. Then it’s kind of a rinse and repeat for the rest of them until one is left. 

   The man lets go of Loki and begins to run away. Good choice. Loki drops to the ground, trying to catch his breath “Why did you follow me?” Loki asked suddenly. You look down at him and shrug “Thor asked me to in the portal. He said he’d come find us” you explain.

    you pull out the extra pair of gloves from your back pocket and slipped them on. They were a plain black leather pair. Once they were on, you hold out your hand for him to take. Loki takes one look at your hand and scoffs before standing up himself. Rude. 

   “If my brother went off to fight Hela alone. He’s most likely dead already” Loki says curtly as he dusts off his outfit. Your eyes widen a bit. Thor wasn’t dead, he couldn’t be. “Who is she anyway?” you ask. Loki’s jaw locks, glancing at the ground before you 

   “Our sister”

   your E/c eyes went wider this time. Since when did Thor have a sister? Was she adopted too? She claery had a disdain for her father just as much as Loki did. Maybe Thor was the one who was actually adopted. “Oh- wow” you comment.

   “Enough about my family. I have to figure out what planet i’m on” Loki interjects as he begins to walk away “Hey! Whether you like it or not we’re in this together, I could have left your ass to die, remember that!” you shout at him. His walking stops and he faces you once more- oh shit. 

   he steps towards you and you back up until a piece of debris. Loki stops inches from your face, his hand reaching up to your neck to hold it in his hand “Don’t assume for a moment that you and i are some sort of friends like you are with my brother” he speaks lowly. 

   you glare right back at him “Let go of me before i put a icicle through your eye” you snarl at him. A small smirk forms on his face “You put up this illusion that you are as tough as nails, but i can see right through you. Your just as broken as the rest of us. Let’s explore that shall we?”

   Loki reaches up and places his hand on your forehead. 

    ☼-☪-☼

  two years ago

   Loki opened his eyes and looked around the room. Where was he? He was in the darkest memories of your mind.  “Put her in the chamber” Strucker spoke as three men went over to grab a pale woman on the floor. You. You were wearing a hospital gown and your hair was overgrown. 

   you flaid, kicked, and screamed “Please! No! i’ll try harder i swear! Please!” when you had first developed your powers and the doctors realized they couldn’t touch you Strucker thought you had been doing it on purpose. So mean with full body suits would put you in a heat chamber. 

   the intense heat had a even stronger effect on you because of your unique enhancement. Strucker opens the door as the three men throw you in. You land on the ground with a hard thud and stand up quickly, running towards the door but it had already shut. 

   Strucker stands outside the glass window that showed you inside and looked towards a woman sitting at the desk “Turn it on, the highest it can go” he spoke and she nods, pressing a green button before pushing a dial up. Loki looks confused for a moment as he stands beside strucker. 

   the room starts to heat up and you fall to the ground your tears sizzling as they ran down your face. At the moment Loki took a step back. Heat exhaustion. A form of torture he knew all to well. something he hoped to never witness again. You let out screams of agony until you eventually passed out.

   back in 2012 when earth was attack by Loki he was under the control of Thanos who had kidnapped him and tortured him with the same methods because of his Jotun side. It worked nonetheless and he was under Thanos’s control. 

    ☼-☪-☼

   Loki opened his eyes and snatched his hand away from your head. You slid down against the debris until you hit the ground with a small thud. He had made you relive your worst fears like it had just happened only moments ago. How could he do such a thing. 

   “I’m so-” before Loki could say another word he felt something bite at his neck. He hissed and reached for his neck and felt something cold and metallic. He tried to tug it off, but instead got harsh bursts of electricity shot through his body over and over again. 

   he fell to the ground, shaking violently, turning his head he saw you. You were holding your face, still shaken up. Loki watched as someone came up to you and hit you with a blunt object, knocking you out cold. Loki reached his hand out to you, but it seemed his body gave up on him and he passed out.

    ☼-☪-☼

   Loki awoke with the sound of people talking around him. He went to move his arms first but they were chained behind his back “Oh look he’s awake good! Hello! I’m the grandmaster, ruler of Sakaar.” a man with blue strips on his face spoke and a robe type outfit. 

   “May i ask why i’m in chains?” Loki questions with his usual ‘i could kill all of you’ smirk. The grandmaster shrugs his shoulders “Had to make sure you and your friend weren’t hostile. It’s only temporary of course” He says. Friend? Who was he talking about? Y/n.

   Loki looked around instantly, trying to find you of course “Oh yes, she’s currently in the infirmary Our scraper hit her a bit too hard. Anyway, whats your name?” the grandmaster asked, gesturing to the scraper next to him. Some random girl with light brown skin and white markings over her face.

   he would kill her later.

   “Loki of asgard, god of mischief” he spoke, giving his best presentable grin. The grandmaster laughs. Rude “God of mischief, how spooky. Tell me god of pranks, did you fight on asgard?” he questions. Loki raises a brow. What was this man playing at?

   “i was used for my intelligence more then my strength. Battle plans, strategies, political consultant and such” Loki explains, slightly lying out of his ass. the grandmaster looked impressed, at least that’s what Loki thought. How would we get out of this one? 

   “Hm. Well- you will be spared from fighting in the contest of champions as well as your lady friend. As long as you swear your undying loyalty to me and my planet” The Grandmaster stands up from his chair and walks to Loki. He waves his hand at one of the guards.

   the guard beside Loki reached down to uncuff his hands and took off his neck chip. Loki shrugged them off before standing up, rubbing his wrists. The Grandmaster stood in front of him with his hand out. Loki gave him a grin and grabbed his hand, shaking it “I swear” he spoke. 

  the Grandmaster smile before his eyes trail him up and down “How bout we get you into some yellow. green’s a bit tacky”

   “Pardon?”

    ☼-☪-☼

   later that night

   a guard escorted Loki to his accommodations in his new green and yellow suit. “Green is not tacky, it’s a very classy color. What a moron” he grumbles under his breath. Once the door open, he stepped inside and looked around. (similar to Hulks, but dark green and white)

   it’ll do for now. He only got to take one step before he was pushed against a wall, something cold and sharp jabbed at the side of his neck, pressing firmly but not enough to break skin “Oh- it’s just you” a voice spoke. Yours. Loki looked down at you. 

   your head had a bandage around it and your top was missing leaving you in a black sports bra and your plaid pants from earlier. loki couldn’t help but notice your delectable figure, making him breath heavily “Eyes up here you son of a bitch” you snap, pressing the icicle further in his neck.

   Loki looked at your face and notice a bruise forming on your jaw. It made him....angry to say the least, but he couldn’t understand why. “Would you kindly get that out of my face. I just saved us” he says. You give him a ‘what’ face and slowly remove the icicle, your body turning back to normal once again. 

   “How?” you question, walking towards the bed in the center of the room, Loki following “I have made good with Grandmaster so he wont make us compete in some barbaric tournament” he spoke, boosting his own ego really You roll your eyes and take a seat on the bed “How does that help us, were still stuck here”

   Loki scoffs “I just made sure you weren’t going to be killed. You could at least say thank you” you felt a anger boiling within you “Thank you?! You want me to say thank you?! Remember we aren’t friends. I should have stayed with Thor, but for some reason i cant comprehend, he still cares about you”

   Loki felt his chest tighten a bit at your words about his brother. You were right. No matter how much he betrayed Thor he would always be at his side to fight alongside him, but he never admitted it. “I should have used my necklace. I should have never left the base” you thought aloud

   the god looked puzzled “What necklace?” you look at him for a moment then at the ceiling “Tony gave me this necklace with a beacon. I had forgotten all about it until some bitch nurse took it away because it wasn’t aloud. I tried to get it back, but she pushed me into a wall” you replied. 

   Loki looked around the room once more and spotted a conjoining room, before he could say anything you stood up, grabbing your shirt and all of your dignity along with you “Goodnight’ you spoke before walking into said room and slamming the door shut. 

   this was going to suck

    ☼-☪-☼

   ‘Put her in the chamber!’

   no please..

   ‘Your worthless!’

    no i’m not

   you sat up in a cold sweat, more literally then normal. You looked around the room and noticed a cold fog. Turning your head, you look out the window. Pitch black. If you squint hard enough you could see your reflection. Yep white skin You change yourself back.

   the door burst open and standing in the doorway is Loki, hair no longer slicked back but disheveled and wearing a simple black shirt and matching pants. he had daggers in his hands, looking ready for a fight “What are you doing?” you ask.

   Loki looks confused “Why did you scream? I thought you were being attacked” he spoke, annoyance in his voice. You narrow your eyes and turn to your side, facing away from him “Get out” you spoke, not really wanting to see his face. He had no right to ask that. 

   “Pardon-”

   “I said get the hell out!” 

       ☼-☪-☼

   three days later

   you never left the room. To the Grandmaster, you were Loki’s property so he didn’t really care much. The servants came and brought you breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Some brought you books to read and others didn’t. You had also been avoiding the god himself. 

   he had tried starting a conversation with you once or twice, but it never really went to his plan. Mostly ending up with you threatening to kill him or you telling him off. Loki was stain in your life all you wanted was to be rid off him and go back home. 

   you had just wrapped a towel around your body, hair dripping from being in the bath. As you went to open the door the god was standing just outside the door, holding a towel in his hand. His blue eyes trailed up and down your body. You pushed past him and walked into your room, shutting the door.

   Loki felt his body tingle in way it hadn’t before. He exhaled deeply before walking into the bathroom and shutting the door 

    ☼-☪-☼

   later that night (again)

   you sat up screaming bloody murder as you gripped your head. Instead of nightmare you had a nighterror instead. Your body was thrashing around like someone was attacking, but no one was. Just like last time Loki opened your door, almost breaking it off the hinges.

   he looked at your state and practically jumped on your bed. His face made him looked..worried? You back away instinctively “No you can’t touch-” Loki cuts you off by wrapping his arms around you, pulling you into his chest. How- how was this happening. You couldn’t touch anyone before, why now?”

   you didn’t notice the cold tears running down your face as Loki rubbed your back in soothing circles “How is this possible? I thought that-” “You can’t touch anyone because of your ability, but...what a i am, what i really am makes me immune to the cold in any form” he explains. 

   so this is what another's skin felt like. Soft, a little different from yours. You pull away a bit and began to touch different parts of his face. You run a finger along the side of his face, making him inhale sharply “what’re doing?” he asked in a low tone. 

   “I have never touched another person with my bare hand. Im curious” you say. Loki sighs and lets you continue your weird- whatever this could be called. After a couple minutes you let go of him, wiping your face “Your still a dick for what you did” you say. 

   Loki sighs, nodding his head ‘I’ve been told, by multiple people. I hope this makes up for it just a little” he says. Hope? You nod once “Yeah, your getting there. Now out antlers i have to sleep” you say, a grin forming on your face. Loki grumbles “That’s just rude”

       ☼-☪-☼

   two weeks later

   “I don’t even like parties” you spoke, looking at the words in your book. “You’ve been cooped up in this room for two whole weeks. You need to try and have some fun” Loki insisted. You look up and him and sighed, damn god. “fine, but no promises i’ll be having any fun. I also have nothing to wear”

   Loki’s smile turned into a grin “stand up” he instructs. You roll your eyes and place the novel down before standing up from your seat “You better not do anything mischievous Loki” you say and he shrugs his shoulders. In a split second your hair was done and your outfit had changed. 

   the top part of the dress was a blue and a tad bronze lined leather that connected with some icy blue tool that made the bottom part. You looked, beautiful. “This doesn’t look like Sakaar attire?” you question, looking from the dress to him. Loki nods once, stepping towards you. 

   “That’s because it isn’t. It’s a tradition asgardian dress” he explains. You hummed in response “Really? I don’t think i do it much justice then” you spoke with a small laugh, turning around to face the large decorative mirror that was behind you. 

   you look at yourself in the dress, touching your face and squeezing your waist a bit. as you do so, Loki walks forward and stops a couple inches behind you. he leans down so his chin his hovering over your shoulder. You could feel his breath on your neck “I think you look lovely. Now, shall we?”

    ☼-☪-☼

   it was a couple hours into the party and Loki was chatting it up with some people. Telling them life stories that he clearly altered to be in his favor while you sat beside him, silent. “And in that moment, i let go” the people around you laughed while you rolled your eyes. 

   “Y/n!”

   “Loki!”

   you and Loki both turn your heads to the right at the sound of your names being called. Oh my gods. Thor?! You stood up quickly, Loki following you hesitantly “Excuse me for a second”. “Loki, over here!” Thor yells again, catching the attention of a few people. 

   Loki stood in front of his brother while you were beside Thor in the chair “Shh, Shh. Shut up!” Loki snapped in a hushed tone. “What?” Thor replied in the same hushed tone. “Your alive?” Loki looks his brother up and down while Thor just looked confused “Ah yes of course i’m alive!” 

   “What’re you doing here?” Loki questions. “What do you mean ‘what am i doing?’ I’m stuck in this stupid chair! Where’s your chair!?” Thor asked, making you stifle a chuckle. “We didn’t get a chair” Loki says, waving his hand towards you. 

   Thor glances at you for a moment and you give hima half smile before he turns back to his brother. “Well get me out of this one” Thor commands, struggling against the metal clasps that held his arms in place. “I can’t” Loki replies. What? Why couldn’t he help him?

   “Get me out!”

   “I can’t”

   “What?”

   Loki points into a random direction “I made friends with this man. he’s called the Grandmaster-” he explains. Oh yeah- the whole loyalty thing. Thor shakes his head “What’re you crazy?!” Thor accuses. You asked yourself that sometimes. “-I’ve gained his favor. The bifrost spat me out here weeks ago”

   “He thinks i’m Loki’s property, so yeah your right. Crazy”

   where has Thor been these past two and a half weeks? Thor looked extremely confused now “Weeks ago?! I- i just got here” he tries to say. You look up and see the face of the Grandmaster across from you “Oh shit!” you jump, holding onto the glass in your hand. 

   “What’re we whispering about?” he says with that creepy guard lady behind him, holding the melt stick as he called it. Thor jumps up at the sound of his voice ‘Uh Ah!” he shouts while Loki grabs your arm and pulls you a few steps back from Thor along with him. 

   “Time works real different around these parts” He starts, turning the records on his dj table? I don’t know. “On any other world i’d be like millions and millions  years old, but here on Sakaar” he finished explaining then just smiled expectantly like he was waiting for someone to say something. 

   you felt Loki tighten his grip on your arm a bit. What’s got him so tense? Loki opened his mouth to speak, but closed it right after. the Grandmaster waves his hand “In any case you know this uh- this uh. What do you call yourself? Lord of thunder?”

   “God of thunder” you and Thor say at the same time. Thor nods towards the Grandmaster “Tell him” he says to Loki. the black haired god begins to laugh nervously “i’ve never met this man in my life” he says, pointing to Thor for a brief moment “Loki!” you say, hitting his shoulder. What a dick. 

   Loki looked at you with a ‘what’ face. “He’s my brother!”Thor growls, mostly upset because of Loki. “Adopted” Loki interjects, making you hit him again. The Grandmaster looks up for a moment “Is he any kind of a fighter?” he asked. It’s Thor- duh. 

   Thor begins to laugh irritably “You take this thing out of my neck and i’ll show you” he threatens. You sigh deeply. Men am i right. The Grandmaster laughs along with him “Oh look at that he’s threatening me” he coos like Thor was some sort of baby. 

   “Hey sparkles-” the Grandmaster starts, making thor struggles against the chair once more “-you want to get back to ass..place. Ass berg-” he says. Oh he did not just say that. “Asgard!” You and Thor shout in unison. Loki gives you another look “Oh shut up your not helping, Loki”

   “-any contender who defeats my champion there freedom they shall win” you had heard about the Grandmaster’s contender =, but had never saw him. He was supposedly undefeated, but this is Thor were talking about here. “Fine! Then point me in the direction to whoever's ass i have to kick!”

   the Grandmaster smile and waves his fingers at Thor “That’s what i call contender” he says excitedly before lifting up this remot like object “The direction that would be in this way lord” he presses a button and Thor’s chair begins to move away. 

   “Loki!” Thor shouts. You pull yourself out of Loki’s grip and lift the bottom of your dress off the floor so you could run up to the chair. You face Thor and smile “I’m going to get you out okay?” you say before two guards grab both of your arms. Damn- they had gloves on. 

   “Remove your arms from Lady Y/n you buffoons!” Thor shouts before he disappears around the corner. You struggle against there grip for a second before managing to rip your arm from one of them. Your skin turned it’s icy white and blue and your pupils vanished. 

   just as you formed a icicle, someone grabbed your arm. You looked at who it was and saw Loki. “Think for a moment before you kill somebody. Now let’s go” he didn’t give a chance to reply before dragging you out the party hall. What a hypocrite honestly. He killed people all the time. 

       ☼-☪-☼

   “You are insufferable, you know that!” you shout as Loki closes the door to your shared room “I’m insufferable!? You almost got yourself killed and for what?!” Loki shouts back. “To tell Thor that everything was going to work out. All you did was make it worse Loki. That’s all you ever seem to do!”

   Loki’s jaw clenched, his hands tightening into a fist “Don’t talk as if you know me!” he snaps at you. Loki walks up to you and pushes you up against the wall, his hand grabbed both of yours and held them over your head. Kinky- not now, just not now. 

    “Oh screw you and your I’m misunderstood bullshit! You left Thor hanging out to dry again and in the end of it all he still called out for your name! You know one day Thor is going to give up on you and your going to wish you had at least tried to be a good brother”

   Loki was breathing heavily as his blue eyes bore deep within your very soul. He looked at your face, studying every inch you had to offer. In a quick motions he dips down closer, his lips centimeters away from yours. Loki’s face scrunches up. He was debating in his hand. A battle in his own mind if you will. 

   he backs away from you, letting go off your hands “If you want to talk to my brother, follow me” he says and heads back towards the door. You felt almost disappointed that he didn’t keep going. Was that wrong? 

    ☼-☪-☼

   in the end you and Loki could not physically find away into the holding room that Thor and the other contenders were in, but Loki said he could create an illusion of you both to talk to him. As long as you got to see Thor “Ready?” Loki asked and you nodded once.  

   you only blink once and suddenly your in this brown, dirty, circular shaped room. What a mess. “Odin-” you heard someone speak dn turned to your left to see Thor. He was kneeling over some homemade shrine.  “I bid you take your place in the halls of Valhalla-” he spoke. 

   it was probably a some sort of prayer they used after a loved one has died. “- Where the brave shall live forever. Where thine enemies have been vanquished, Nor shall we mourn but rejoice” this what heartbreaking to hear honestly. Thor was always the toughest guy you knew and now you were witnessing this.

   everyone has feelings though. Even witches like Loki

   “For those who have died The glorious death” Loki chimed in with Thor. The god of thunder turns around and sits against the wall “Lady Y/n” he nods towards you. You give him a small smile “Hey” you reply. “Hurts doesn’t it, being lied too?” Loki started. Oh for fucks sake. 

   “Being told your one thing then learning it’s all a fiction” Thor looked at the ground before picking up a rock and tossing it in Loki’s direction. The rock went straight through Loki, making him chuckle lightly “I mean- you didn’t think i really come and see you did you? This place is disgusting” Loki gestures to the floor.

   you sigh deeply “There were guards outside- after my stunt at the party. i’m not allowed out anywhere without Loki” you explained “That’s quite alright lady Y/n. I understand. Those men didn’t hurt you, did they?” Thor asks, grabbing another rock from the floor. You shake your head “No, of course not”

   “Good” Thor replies, throwing the rock through Loki’s face “One less person i have to kill before we leave this place” he says. Still over protective of you. Some things never change though do they? “Does this mean you don’t want my help?” Loki asked, noticing how Thor only addressed you. 

   “where did you offer help in any of the words you just spoke?” You question. Loki didn’t reply to you though. Petty bitch. “I couldn’t jeopardize our-” “-Your, don’t pretend to care about lady Y/n” Thor interjected. Loki sighed before continuing. thor had clearly touched a nerve. 

   “our position with the Grandmaster. Took me time to win his trust. He's a          lunatic, but he can be amenable.” Loki replied. You shake your head “Is everyone amenable to you, Loki?” you ask, tilting your head to the side. Loki glances at you for a moment “No”

   Thor lifted another rock from the ground and threw it through Loki’s face “What I'm telling you is, you could join me at the Grandmaster's side. Perhaps, in time, an accident befalls the Grandmaster, and then...” Loki points to his brother mouthing ‘you then you ‘Y/n’ then himself ‘me’

   “Oh wow- you really do suck” you say going over to Thor and pointing at a rock “Can you throw that rock for me?” you ask and he simply nods with a smile before picking it up and throwing it at him. You smile lightly. Good friend things. You look at Loki who takes a step forward.

   “You're not seriously thinking of going back, are you?“ he asked with a questioning look. “i would” you mumble before stepping backwards. Thor looks like he had just been punched in the face, but had his hands folded casually. Thor was stubborn. 

   “Our sister destroyed your hammer like a piece of glass.“ Loki says, holding his hands out. “She's stronger than all of us. She's stronger than you“ he adds. No offense, but you definitely could’ve done some damaged if Thor had not shouted your name back at the field and alerted her to you. 

   “You don't stand a chance. Do you understand what I'm saying to you?” Loki’s tone gets more aggressive while Thor just scowls at him “Loki” you say, trying to get him to shut up. After a couple seconds Loki lets out a bitter laugh “Fine” he says. 

   “I guess I'll just have to go it alone. Like I've always done.”

   Loki’s comment makes Thor smirk. One that Loki notices “Would you say something?” Loki asked. You sigh deeply. Why do you feel as if there was going to be yelling? Anyway- Thor stays silent, looking at the ground for more stones he could throw at Loki. 

   “Say something!” Loki shouts in a louder tone

   and he does “What would you like me to say?” Thor starts. This felt awkward, being there you mean. “You stole the throne, stripped Odin of his power,          stranded him on Earth-” Loki went to say something, but Thor keeps talking “-To die, releasing the goddess of death”

   “he didn’t know that would happen Thor-” you say, but are quickly shut up just as Loki was “Have I said enough, or do you do you want me to go further back than the past two days?” Thor asked. You look at Loki who looks like he’s holding back tears at his brother cold stare. 

   nonetheless, he composes himself “You know, I haven't seen this               Beloved Champion he talks of, but I've heard he's astonishingly savage. I've placed a large wager against you tomorrow. Don't let me down.” he spoke as his illusion starts to vanish. Your time is almost up.

   you look at Thor as he lifts a glass bottle from the ground and throws it at the wall where Loki was. “Thor, your going to do great out there. I’ll be watching” you spoke and gave him a small smile. Thor looks at you and nods “Goodbye” you said and just as you blinked you were standing next to Loki. 

    ☼-☪-☼

   you both walked back to your room in silence. Loki looked awful. Like he wanted to breakdown at any moment. You felt bad for him. He had lost both his parents, just as you had. You could relate to some of his pain. so you should try to comfort him, right?

   when the door shut behind you both, you reached up and placed a hand on Loki’s shoulder “Loki- i’m sorry about Odin. I know you say you love him like Thor does, but he had to have meant something to you” you spoke as calmly as you could.

   Loki’s body tensed under your touch “I never stopped loving my father” he says, which surprises you “He raised me I was just so angry that they lied about me. I was never truly there child” he spoke, his voice beginning to waver. 

   “Odin and Frigga took you in as their own. They didn’t care that you weren’t biologically there’s. They gave you a home when no one else did Loki. That’s what being a parent is.” you spoke and left go of his shoulder “You can have some time alone. I’ll be in my room” 

   you walk past the god and towards your door, “Thank you, Y/n. How did you know what to say?” Loki spoke, making you turn around “Just what i wished someone had told me when avengers came to save me” you shrug and walk into the room, shutting the door. 

       ☼-☪-☼

   “I can’t believe you put a wager against your brother” You said, walking alongside Loki. wearing another tradition asgardian dress that Loki had picked out for you. It was another icy blue dress that had a soft brown leather as the straps. iIt was flowy and had a slit down the side. 

   “It was only a joke” He replies, holding your hand as you walked through the crowds of people. The Grandmaster had invited you and Loki to watch Thor’s fight from the ‘Grandmasters box’ stupid bastard and his stupid terms. As you walk, you pass by where the contenders are being held. Thor. 

   you didn’t have time “Will seen him soon. I can tell your worried about him” Loki spoke, squeezing your hand softly. “Thor was one of the first people to help me when i got out of Hydra. I owe him everything” you say. Loki sighs deeply before you both continue walking.

   as you drew closer you were able to hear the cheers and roars of the crowd. jeez it’s just a bunch of idiots fighting- go watch some Tv or something. Suddenly you heard the Grandmaster speak. What a loser this guy was. Thinking that you were just some mans property. 

   “ow! Look at all of you. What a show, WHAT-A-NIGHT! Who's having fun? Please, I'm your host. Big round of applause for all of our undercard competitors who died so gruesomely. Good sports. What a show! What a night! This is what you've come for and so have I.”

   when he finished speaking is when you and Loki entered the very bright room, filled with different people from different worlds. Bruce would have love to see this, sometimes you forget he’s gone. You just hoped that you’d find out what happened to him one day. 

   Loki leads you  towards the front, skillfully grabbing two drinks and handing one to you. What a gentlemen- wait no. Damnit. “Making his first appearance, though he looks quite promising, got a couple of tricks up his sleeve. I'll say no more, see what you think. Ladies and gentlemen...”

   you look down from the glass and see a latch lifting up. That has to be him. “I give to you...Lord of Thunder!” the Grandmaster shouts. You smile as your eyes landed on Thor “Oh my god they cut his hair!” you exclaim “It’s just hair” Loki replies, taking a sip from his drink. 

   you scoff “Okay, let me cut yours” you say and he glares “I’d rather die” he says and you nod “Told you so” the crowd was booing Thor, along with a couple people next you. “Oh screw yourselves” you grumble under your breath. Loki wraps his free arm around your waist and pulls you flush to his side.

   “Try to behave darling, will you?” Loki leans down to whisper into your ear. You feel a tingling feeling in your stomach. Was he using his magic on you. “Yeah yeah, whatever” you huff, earning a smirk from the god holding you “That’s a good girl” he says- and there goes the stomach again.

   you both turn back to watch Thor as he walks to the center of the arena. “Watch out for his fingers. They make sparks.” the Grandmaster says, making you roll your eyes at his statement. Thor puts a helmet on his head and pulls the small latch down. 

   The Grandmasters hologram began to rub his hands together “Okay, this is it. Let's get ready to welcome this guy. Here he comes. He is a creature. What can we say about him? Well, he's unique. There's none like him. I feel a special connection with him.” he gets the crowd riled up. 

   green bombs of dust or some kind of pigment begin to explode in the sky and over the crowd. “He's undefeated. HE'S THE REIGNING...HE'S THE DEFENDING...Ladies and gentlemen... I give you...” he spoke in broken sentences. Now he was getting you scared. 

   the door begins to open from the other side. It only happened halfway when it was smashed through by some green, big, angry...Hulk?! You feel as if a weight has been lifted off your shoulders “Bruce?” you whisper to yourself, almost dropping the glass in your hand. 

   Loki on the other hand turned paler then he already was and let go of you “I have to get off this planet” he spoke and turned around to leave the room, but the Grandmaster was right behind him “Hey, hey, hey! Where are you going?” he questions, but Loki has no words. Neither do you. 

   the Grandmaster leads you both to the long couch and you and Loki sit side by side. You could hear Bruce screaming Hulk into the crowd. What was going on? Thor suddenly turns from the Hulk to where you guys are “Hey! We know each other. He's a friend from work!” then we went to talk to Hulk.

   you didn’t notice your hands were shaking as Loki placed his on top of one yours “Are- are you alright?” he asked and you reach up to wipe away a forming tear “I haven’t seen bruce in two years. I thought he was gone- dead” despite Loki being in fear of his life he gave you a smile. “Well, that’s good”

   “Loki! Y/n! Look who it is!”

   you both look away from each other and look at Thor who was gesturing Hulk to look at Loki. Loki looked like he wanted the world to swallow him up “You’ll be alright. If he does come up here i can protect you. Hulk loves me” you say with a toothy grin. 

   suddenly Hulk charges at Thor “What is he doing?!” you shout as both Thor and Hulk begin to fight each other. This is not according to plan at all. A couple seconds later it looks like Hulk was about to grab Thor's hand “Oh thank god” you mumble to yourself a little too soon. 

   Hulk picked up Thor by his leg and through him repeatedly onto the ground before tossing him to the side. Loki shoots up from his seat “Yes! That's how it feels!” he exclaims. Jeez. You stand up and grab his arm. Loki turns to see the Grandmaster staring at him strangely.

   “I'm just a huge fan of the sport.” Loki explains and the Grandmaster just laughs. You sit Loki down as well as yourself “Real calm and classy there antlers” you say with a small grin. Loki growls under his breath “Really? How ‘bout you let that green moron smash you into the ground”

   you couldn’t help, but laugh “I’m sorry. That sounded so wrong” you say, your mind going to straight to the gutter. Loki looks at you weirdly before cringing “You are a perverted girl” he says. You shrug your shoulders “Yeah whatever. Do something about it” you say jokingly, going back to watching Thor.

   you feel Loki’s hand being firmly placed on your thigh, his other hand sliding behind your back to grip your waist “I can show you what i can do about it later if you so desire” error error Y/n.exe has stopped working. You feel that fluttery feeling in your stomach again. Damn god of teasing.

   you somehow manage to keep your cool and grinned at him “No offense, your highness. You couldn’t handle me” you say. His brow raises in amusement. No one has ever said such a thing to him. Just as he opens his mouth you see in the corner of your eye the Grandmaster pulling out the chip remote.

   he presses the button and Thor falls to the ground. That dirty cheater. 

    ☼-☪-☼

   hours later

   it was after the fight and you were pacing back and forth in your room while Loki sat on the bed “Will you cut that out?” Loki suggested and your skin change quickly. You form a icicle and throw it towards him. He catches it in his hand swiftly “Do not tell me to calm down! That dirty freak cheated!”

   Loki sighs and goes to open his mouth when the door opens. “The Grandmaster has requested your presence Loki of asgard” a guard spoke. Your skin changed back to normal as Loki stood up. You go walk along with him when the guard stops you “Only Loki” he spoke.

   you sigh and nod, giving Loki a small smile. “I’ll be here once you get back” you say and he sighs before leaving with the guard. Now, your stuck here. All alone. You go over to the bed and sit down. The sheets were still messed up from where Loki had slept the night before. 

   why were you thinking about that?

   the door flies open, revealing a brown skinned woman with asgardian armor and white markings on her. “Hello Lady Y/n. Thor asked me to come find you. Noe let’s go” she spoke quickly. You got up instantly and walked to her. Wait “Will be we getting Loki?” you ask

   the woman looks at you for a moment and nods “Yes- later now lets go princess before i’m late for a meeting with the Grandmaster. I heard you can fight by the way so i got you some good clothes to move around in.” you nod as you both alk out the room

    ☼-☪-☼

   the woman, who told you to call her Val had dropped you off at the junkyard, but let you get changed first of course into a black leather warrior outfit. . At first you were confused as why she had dropped you here, but when you saw Thor leaving a quinjet.

   as you ran up to him you saw another person leaving. It was Bruce in Tony’s clothes? “Bruce!” you yell. He turns around and looks at you with a confused stare “Y/n? Your taller and older. Wait- Why are you here?!” he questions. You chuckle and look at Thor “It’s a long story, where are we going?”

       ☼-☪-☼

   with Val and Loki

   both asgardians had just walked out the Grandmasters hall to find and capture Thor and Hulk. They were both walking fast since Loki said he could get them back in one hour. “What have you done?” Loki accuses only full well she had something to do with the escape. 

   Val takes takes one look at him and scowls “I don’t answer to you, lackey” she snaps back. Loki stops and grabs her arm “It’s Loki and you will answer to the Grandmaster” he says. Val pushes off his arm and punches him in the nose. Loki stumbles back a bit and pulls out a Sakaarian blade

   “Why would you help me brother escape with that green fool?” He questions, pointing the blade at her. Val pulls out a blade of her own “I don’t help anyone” she quips back and the two rush each other. Hitting, kicking, dodging, the whole ordeal. at one point Loki grabbed her arm and saw her mark.

   “You're a Valkyrie. I thought the Valkyrie all died gruesome deaths?” he says, knowing it would rile her up and it did. Val escapes from his grip and pushes him against the wall, holding the knife to his throat “Choose your next words wisely” she seethes down at him.

   Loki looks up at her, smug “Terribly sorry. Must be a very painful memory...” and puts his hand on her forehead. Val was taken back to the moment the Valkyrie were sent to fight Hela for the thrown. Val watched them all die again as well as her girlfriend. 

   once she came back she was pushed back onto the floor by Loki. She stands back up quickly and pushes him on the ground, straddling him “You know your majesty, i have some terrible news for you. I went to your little girlfriends room after you left” she started, making Loki’s eyes go wide. 

   “she was a pretty one i’ll give you that. That was until i slit her throat and watched her bleed out” It was Val’s turn to rile Loki up. “Y-Your lying!” Loki shouts, struggling against her. “Oh really?” she says and reaches into her pocket, pulling out a piece of blue tool from your dress, stained with blood. 

   Loki felt his heart drop into his stomach, like he wanted to vomit and cry all at the same time “No...’ he mumbles and grabs the tool from her hand. Val looked stunned for a moment before punching his face and knocking him out. She was not expectantly that kind of reaction from him.  

    ☼-☪-☼

   you, Thor, and Bruce were walking through the crowd of Hulk worshippers basically when Val had found you. She had led you all inside safely. She was a pretty cool gal. You had to get her number after this. Does she have a phone. You all walked down this hall when she stops. 

   Bruce stopped behind thor and you stopped behind Bruce. “Look, I've spent years in a haze trying to forget my past. Sakaar seemed like the best place to drink and forget and to die one day.” Val spoke, making you frown slightly. Thor nods.

    “I was thinking that you drink too much, and that probably was going to kill you.” Thor spoke. Val gave him an annoyed look before walking towards the door “Also, i have a piece offering” she said vaguely before opening the door. Thor walks in first, then Bruce. 

   Once you walk in you noticed Loki, chained up and hanging his head in shame, he was looking at a piece  of tool that rested on the ground in front of him “Brother?” Thor spoke, crouching down to look at his face “Loki are you alright?” he asked 

   “she was so much like me you know, we both didn’t know where we belonged. Both too cold and felt like monsters. I had never felt that way about anyone. I don’t think i’ll ever feel that way again. I don’t want too actually, not if it isn’t her” everyone in the room could notice his voice breaking. 

   just as you were about too console him Val put an arm in front of you and pressed a finger to her mouth. Telling you to shut it basically. You are confused, but nod slowly “Brother. I don’t understand. Who are you talking about? What has made you this upset?” Thor questions. 

   Loki’s body started to shake as he sobbed “Y/n. That scraper killed her. she took her away from me, now i’m all alone again.” he explains solemnly. Thor looks confused “Loki, lady Y/n is right here” he spoke. Loki lifted his head up and Thor was right. There you were, alive. 

   Loki didn’t know whether to be relieved or angered, but he stuck with relieved. “Let him out!” you shout, walking over to Loki to pull on the chains. “Y/n i don’t think that’s such a good idea-” Bruce started, but you didn’t care. You got the chains undone and Loki instantly wrapped his arms around you.

   “Hey, i’m here” you say as he holds onto tightly, almost like you would disappear if he let you go “I know” he replies before pulling away. You look around and notice everyone staring at you “What?” Loki spots Bruce and tilts his head “Hello Bruce” he spoke, standing up from the chair.

   Bruce looks at him “So, last time i saw you, you were trying to kill everybody. Where are you at these days?” he questions. Loki looked at you then Val who was grabbing something out the closet “It varies from moment to moment” he spoke before completely ignoring him.

   Loki studies your face “I’m alive Loki” you say to reassure him and he sighs “i know, just wan’t to keep it that way” he says. You muster up a smile “That is the nicest thing you have said to me since we got here” you admit. He rolls his eyes and looks down for a moment then back at you 

   “I need to tell you something-”

   “Loki come here!” Thor says, waving at him from the otherside of the room. Loki sighs and look at you, going to say something “It’s okay. we can talk later” you reassure him and he smiles.

    ☼-☪-☼

   you, Loki, and Thor were assigned to get a ship for all of you to leave on, but throughout the whole time you were fighting to get there Loki and Thor were talking about leaving each other or staying together. You wished you stayed with Bruce and Val. 

   now you were in a elevator, with you standing in front of the two, skin icy white and blue and no pupils. “Here's the thing. I'm probably better off staying here on Sakaar.” Loki says. You turn around and look at him with wide eyes “Loki-” you say, but Thor interrupts “That's exactly what I was thinking.”

   okay what? “Thor-” you say this time, but the same thing happens. “Did you just agree with me?” Loki asked, stunned. Thor shrugs “Come on, this place is perfect for you. It's savage, chaotic, lawless. Brother, you're going to do great here.” Thor says, glancing at him once- ouch.

   Loki looks forward and you wished you hadn’t come at all “Do you truly think so little of me?” Loki questions. Thor pauses for a moment before looking at his brother. “ Loki, I thought the world of you. I thought we were gonna fight side by side forever. But, at the end of the day, you're you, I'm me” he starts. 

   you watch as Loki’s face changes from different emotions. To hope, then sorrow. “I don't know, maybe there's still good in you-” Thor says and gestures to you “-but let's be honest, our paths diverged a long time ago.” he finished. You stepped aside Loki and reached down to grab his hand. 

   Loki sighs and looks at his brother one last time “Yeah... It's probably for the best that we never see one another again.” he replies, nodding his head. You look down. Stupid boys. “That's what you always wanted.” Thor says and pats his brother on the back, you noticed he place the chip on his back.

   strange, but you trust Thor’s judgement. Doesn’t mean you weren’t going to swipe the remote off of him though. 

   Loki looks away slowly letting go of your hand. It was silence for a few moments. Awkward silence filled with tension and emotion. Jumping through the glass and falling to your death didn’t really look so bad right now “Hey, let’s do get help” Thor pipes up.

   “What?” Loki asked, turning to look at Thor again

   “What’s get help?-”

   “Get help” Thor repeats with a cheery smile on his face. 

   “Oh come on, you love it” 

   “No i hate it

   “It’s great. It works every time”

   “Its humiliating”

   “Do you have a better plan?” 

   you got to speak when they just start talking again “No” Loki replies and Thor just looks back forward with a smile “Were doing it” he says and Loki does the same “We are not doing get help” Loki says, thinking that’s the end of it. You look at both of them and groan “I hate both of you”

    ☼-☪-☼

   as the elevator door opens, you are stuck clinging onto the ceiling. You wait a couple of seconds “Alright. Come down” Thor calls and you jump down from the bar “Get help huh?” you chuckle, looking at Loki who turns and glares at you. You smile and walk behind them.

   “Now which one is the ship she told us to get?” Thor asked. Loki pointed at a bright orange ship “The Commodore” he says. You all begin to walk.  A second later he walks away, grabbing your arm to follow along with him and leaving a illusion walking alongside Thor. What?

   “Though I feel it won't make much of a difference” the illusion spoke. Thor sighs “Oh Loki” and turns to see you and Loki at the control panel “I know I've betrayed you many times before, but this time it's truly nothing personal. The reward for\ your capture will set Y/n and i up nicely.”

   Y/n what now? Loki presses a button on the panel and the places starts to go off “Loki, you didn’t” you gasp as you rip your arm from him. “Never one for sentiment, were you?” Thor asks. Loki grinned “Easier to let it burn.” he replies in a low tone.

   Thor reaches into his pocket as his eyes go wide. You slowly back away from Loki “Y/n-” “You self centered prick!” you snapped, pulling the remote out of your pocket. His face drops and he takes a step forward “Y/n, please-” he tries to explain, but you had already made up your mind. “No!” you shout. 

   Loki goes to speak again, but you press the button, watching as he drops to the floor. Thor walks past you and towards Loki “Oh that looks painful” Thor mumbles. You follow after him, walking much slower. Thor kneels down beside his brother. 

   “Oh brother, you're becoming predictable. I trust you, you betray me. Round and round in circles we go.” Thor speaks, looking down at Loki. See, Loki, life is about, it's about growth. It's about change, but you seem to just wanna stay the same.” 

   it hurt to see Loki that way, but in the end if he could betray Thor so easily. he’d do it to you too and no amount of love could change that “I guess what I'm trying to say is that you'll always be the God of Mischief, but you could be more.” Thor sighed and stood up “I’ll start the ship” and with that, he left. 

   you look at Thor then Loki. You go to where Thor was kneeling and do the same “You almost fooled me i’ll give you that. The whole touch thing and flirty comments. It almost made me think you felt the same. What tied it in was the tears.” you say, watching as he turned to look at you, pain on his face. 

   “Maybe you do care about me, but in the end you would betray anyone to save your own skin Loki. Thor’s right, you could be so much more. To him, the world...to me” You looked up to stop the tears forming in your eyes to fall down your face. You quickly wipe them and look back down. 

   “Thank you for being my first hug” You stand up and throw the remote a few feet away from him. “and my last” and with that you turned away leaving Loki on Sakaar along with any feelings you had for him. 

    ☼-☪-☼

   after fighting your way out of Sakaar on a orgy ship you passed out. Bruce was the first to wake, then Val and Thor with you being the last “I never thought i’d be back here” Val spoke. You and Bruce undo your seatbelts and stand behind Thor and Val.

   Asgard.

   “Though it be a lot nicer” Bruce spoke up. “Bruce- dude” you say, shaking your head. He noticed all of your collective disappointed stares and sputtered “Not- noth that it’s not nice- it’s just- it’s just on fire” well he was right about that. You assumed it was Hela’s doing. 

   the dashboard started going off and Val  looked at it “Here, up in the mountains. heat signatures, people clustered together. Hela’s coming for them” she explained, pointing at the 3D diagram. You sigh as you power up your abilities, Bruce giving you a odd stare. Guess he’s not used to it. 

   “Okay, drop me off at the palace and i'll draw her away.” Thor spoke up. “Thor she destroyed your hammer like nothing. You can’t do this alone!” you protest. Thor shakes his head and looks back at you, “Then you’ll come with me Lady Y/n” he says “And get yourselves killed?” Val questions

   “The people trapped down there are all that matters. While we're dealing with Hela, I need you two to help get everyone off Asgard.” Thor instrucks. Bruce pokes his head in between and looks at both of them “and how the hell are we supposed to do that?” 

   “I have a man on the ground”

    ☼-☪-☼

   Thor looked up at Val as her and Bruce flew away. Hm, strange. 

   once you two got to the castle, you noticed rumble all over the floor, even a piece with Thor’s face on it. Thor looks up at the ceiling and you follow suit. What you see in horrific. Pictures of Odin and Hela destroying worlds. 

   you look over at Thor and notice his grim face “Thor? Are you okay” you say. Thor sighs and nods “Wait behind a pillar. Hela should be here soon” he says and you nod, walking away to find a hiding spot. 

   Thor sat in the throne and began to band Odin’s scepter on the floor, causing loud booms to flow throughout the castle. Only seconds later did you here Hela’s heels down the hallway. 

   she was here

   “sister” Thor says. You couldn’t see them, but you could hear them. “Your still alive” she says back, soundly somewhat surprised. “ I love what you've done with the place. Redecorating, I see.” Thor spoke. Was this a time to be making jokes??

   “It seems our father's solution to every problem was to cover it up.” Hela snarls at him. Okay she’s getting upset. “Or to cast it out. He told you you were worthy.   He said the same thing to me.” Thor responds, solem in his tone. You could hear the bitterness in his tone  

   “You see, you never knew him, not at\ his best.” Hela sighs like it’s a fond memory to look back on ”Odin and I drowned entire civilizations in blood and tears. Where do you think all this gold came from? And then one day he  decided to become a benevolent king.”

   Hela’s voice becomes more sour “To foster peace, to protect life.” she starts “To have you” ouch- that has gotta sting. “ I understand why you're angry. and you are my sister, and technically have a claim to the throne. And believe me, I would love for  someone else to rule. But it can't be you. You're just the worst.”

   Thor no- you hear the swish noise like the last time she put on her crown “Okay, get up. You're in my seat.” she said, done playing games with Thor. clearly. “You know, Father once told me that a wise king never seeks out war” he says, you could hear his heavy footsteps.

   “But must always be ready for it.” Hela replies, drawing closer

   that’s your cue

   you jump down and ice the floor just as Thor jumps in the air. Hela goes to throw a blade at him, but it ends up missing because she couldn’t balance. her head snaps in your direction and she snarls “You again?!” she shouts, charging towards you.

   pressing your palms together and pull them out quickly, forming a silver sword with a blue base and handle. You lift your sword, but Thor hits her away with the scepter. Hela is knocked back, but for only a moment as she gets up and charges at Thor.

   she manages to knock the scepter away pin Thor against the wall “Here's the difference between us. I'm Odin's firstborn, the rightful heir, the savior of Asgard.” she spoke before throwing Thor to the floor “And you're nothing.” You run up at her and hit her away from Thor.

   “and your a bitch!” you yelled. Now you two her going hand to hand “Who are you? Your not asgardian is that for sure, but i sense a power off you stronger then any human could bare” she spoke, kicking you to the ground “You have the power of a infinity stone. Now that’s interesting darling”

   Hela forms a blade “Too bad that power will die with you” she smiles wickedly as she goes to plunge it into your stomach, but Thor tackles her to the ground. “Y/n leave now!” Thor shouts, as Hela knocks him in the face “But what about you!” you shout, forming a icicle in your hand to throw at her. 

   “This is my fight and i will not lose you. Now go!” he shouts just as Hela sliced his eye. You almost choked before you got yourself together and ran and ran and ran. “Thor i hope you know what your doing” 

    ☼-☪-☼

   as soon you headed out the castle, you used a burst of cold fog to send you into the sky. The bifrost! it’s being attacked by Hela’s knights and a large wolf. That’s where to go you guess and you another burst to send you towards the bridge. 

   the wolf was running towards a bunch of unarmed asgardians. You dropped onto the bifrost just as bruce came flying out the ship and landing face first “Bruce! This is why i said to keep your seatbelt on!” you shout. he’s lucky he’s mutated or he’d be dead. 

   the wolf sniffed Bruce for a few seconds before running your direction again. You form a blade and have it sending his way, but he wasn’t stopping. You look over and see a dark skinned man with long hair, Heimdall holding a sword “Nice to meet you i guess?” you spoke with nervous laughter.

   he looked your way and nodded “You too Lady Y/n” wait- how did he know your name. Nevermind that- both you and Heimdall hold your swords in ready position. The wolf is inches away when it suddenly stopped? You watch as it’s pull back and thrown to the other side. 

   Hulk!

   “Yes!” you shout, throwing your arms in the air. Hulk lets out a thunderous roar, hitting his chest. The wolf comes after him and they both fall off the bifrost. One problem down, two more to go. More knights begin to run towards the group and you and hemdall began to fight them off.

   you are so telling Tony about this!

   Heimdall gets hit in the knee and you rush over to help him when a rock guy come out of nowhere and blasts the knight into nothing. Wait- wasn’t this Thor’s friend- from back on Sakaar? “Hey man and woman. I'm Korg. This is Miek.” he introduces himself as a purple worm robot appears.

   you might need therapy after this one actually “We're going to jump on that spaceship and get out of here. Want to come?” he asked. He was rather polite. You smile lightly “We’d love too Korg, just after we kill these things.” You reply. You suddenly hear something off in the distance

   you and Heimdall turn to see a figure amongst the mist. Please don’t be Hela, please do not be Hela! Once the figure came to view you gasped. “Your saviour is here!” Loki shouts, standing on top of the landing pad. What a narcissist! A narcissist that you were in love with, but technicalities don’t count. 

   as the ship lands people of asgard begin to board “Did you miss me?” he says, you smile lightly. he had come back to save his people “Now everyone on the ship!” he commands and asgardians begin to flood in. Loki pushed through the people and made his way towards you and Heimdall. 

   “Welcome back. I saw you coming” Heimdall speaks. Loki purses his lips together and nods “Course you did” he says and looks at you “Surprised to see me, darling?” he says with a small smirk. You shake your head slowly with a smile “I was hoping you do the right thing. Your just boosting my ego”

   Loki grinned at you for a moment before pull out two asgardian blades “Will talk more in a bit” he sends you a wink as the Knights charge you all. You fly into the air and slam into the ground, causing a cold breeze to freeze about a dozen. You watch as they crumble and fall apart.

   “Didn’t know i could do that” you shrug and pull out your sword once again. The bright sky turned a dark grey as electricity struck the castle, causing a big explosion “Yes! Thor!” you shout. “Hopefully it killed that bitch, no offense since she is your sister and all” you say to Loki.

   he shrugs and slices a Knight in half “Unrelated note. You look very sexy while fighting” he smirks. You shake your head as your form multiple blades and send them at the Knights behind him. Loki goes wide eyed and watch about seven fall to the ground 

   “Me and you definitely need to talk later” his voice came out in a growl, which honestly sent shivers up your spine. You let out a chuckle as you watch Thor crash onto the bifrost “Why not now? Your brother seems to be keeping most of their attention”

   Loki raises a brow “You wan’t me to confess my undying love for you in the middle of war?” he questions. Well that was blunt. “You do have a thing for undying don’t you? Anyway, just tell me now. one of us may not live till the end of this war” you spoke. 

   you notice Loki’s face change to a grim one “Your not dying on me, i won’t allow it” he said, almost as it was a command. “Loki- be realistic. Now shut up and tell me” you say as you stab through a Knight “Okay- from the moment i laid eyes on you, i could tell you were like me” he says.

   “How so?” you question. “You question who you are and wonder if you belong anywhere. You think of yourself as a monster just as i do to my Jotun side. I wont ever question you and we can belong to each other. I do not see you as a monster Y/n. I see you as a goddess”

   wow- he could sure smooth talk a gal into anything. Jokes aside his words meant everything to you, he meant everything to you. You use your ice to put up a bubble around the both of you. Loki looks confused for a moment before turning to look at you. 

   “Just say you love me Loki” you chuckle. He smiles slightly and grabs your hands “Y/n, i am in love with you. I think that’s better” he quipped back. you both laugh for a moment “Do asgardians use the term boyfriend and girlfriend?” you say. 

   Loki shakes his head “We like to use more gender inclusive terms. So, Y/n would you like to be my forever and i yours?” you could have passed out right then and there. Also- how was asgard more woke then earth? That’s some bullshit right there.

   you break away from your thoughts and nod “of course i do” you say. Loki is unable to control his smile as he dips his head down. He was leaning when Boom! the bubble is destroyed. You smile and pull away “i guess you have to wait my prince” you tease, forming your sword again. 

   you could tell you touched a nerve because Loki squirmed a bit “Your such a vixen, darling. I can’t wait to have you all alone” he spoke in a low tone. You take a deep breath and try to compose yourself, but the thought of you and Loki- alone. It just took over your mind.

   “Can this fucking shit be over with! Hurry it the hell up Thor!” you shout as you jab your sword through two Knights and push them off the bifrost. Loki’s helmet fell as he was fighting one. You run and slide across the bifrost to grab it. Ha antlers- not right now!

   Once you do you chuck it at Loki who uses it to knock the Knight of his feet and push a sword through its stomach. Loki looks up at you and you grin at him “Teamwork, my prince” you say before bursting into the air “Stop calling that in public!” he yells. 

   Thor comes walking up too Loki, both breathing heavily. You drop down beside them “Your late” Thor says and Loki sighs “Your missing an eye” he replies back. Huh? You look at Thor and wave your hand over it, causing a cooling effect for him “Hopefully it’s stops the throbbing” you say.

   Thor nods and gives you a tired smile as Val walks past you three “This isn’t over” she breathes out. Well- she’s not wrong on that one. All four of you walk together. You all stop to catch your breath “I think we should disband the Revengers.” Thor spoke. 

   “Good. It was a shit idea” you comment, making Val stifle laughter. “Hit her with a lightning blast.” Loki suggests “we already did that and she rose from the dead still” you say. Thor looks at his brother in disbelief- he did just like shoot her into the sky and she’s walking. 

   “I just hit her with the biggest lightning blast in the history of lightning. It did nothing.” Thor gave his brother a know it all look. You all looked forward as Hela stalked towards you all “She is so fucking creepy” you say, forming a couple blades. 

   Val nods in agreement “We need to hold her off until everybody's on board.” she instructs. You all nod. You really didn’t want to fight this deer looking bitch. Antlers just run in the fucking family at this point. You stretch your back a bit. Your positive you have scoliosis after all this. 

   Thor shakes his head “It won't end there. The longer Hela's on Asgard the more powerful she grows. She'll hunt us down. We need to stop her here and now.” he says. “If she’s growing more powerful from just being here then how do we stop her” you look at Thor.

   Val nods along with you “She’s right, so what do we so?” she says, putting an emphasis on the world ‘what’ . Loki pauses and looks at Thor “I’m not doing get help” okay that was funny, no laughing right now though. Thor steps forward and glares at Hela before looking back at the ship of people boarding.

   he’s going to give a speech isn’t he?

   “Asgard's not a place, it's a people.-” there it is “-This was never about stopping Ragnarok...it was about causing Ragnarok.” he says, turning his attention towards Loki. “What’s Ragnarok?” you ask, expectanting no answer, but hey gotta love Val

   “It’s this big fiery demon that was literally made to destroy Asgard and everyone on it” she explains. At that moment you honestly thought about marrying her “Wait- You want to send a demon to destroy Asgard? Shit-” you say. 

   Thor walks over to Loki and places a hand on his shoulder “Go to the vault. Surtur's crown. It's the only way.” he says. Loki fights against himself for a moment before nodding “Bold move, brother. Even for me.” he admits before walking over to you. 

   “I’ll see you soon, darling” he says with a small smile. “Well aren’t going to kiss me then?” you question, his smile turning into a grin “No..i rather give you something to look forward too” he says before running off. What a dick. You look back towards Hela “Shall we?” Thor asked the both you and Val.

   Val looks at Thor and smiles lightly “After you” she says. Thor jumps into the air and destroys two of Hela’s blades. Hela kicks throw out the way as Val charged at her, but she ended being thrown too. Your turn. You burst into the air and throw four blades at her. She dodges them all and sends you away with Val.

   Thor picks up a Knights discarded sword and tries to plunge in into Hela, but she dodges that too. Thor turns to Heimdall and shouts “Go! Go now!” and Heimdall gets onto the ship. Hela throws a spear at him and it jabs right through Thor’s shoulder. 

   the ship starts to lift into the air and Hela notices. She uses big spikes from the ground and shoots them in, keeping the ship in place “I’ll handle that. You two keep her busy!” you shout and fly into the air. How were you going to do this? You watch as Knights begin to crawl the spikes and up towards the asgardians.

   you had to make a move now. 

   just as your about to land you hear..gunshots?! Since when her guns on Asgard? Just as you got close enough a man holding to large guns jump off of the ship and onto the bifrost, breaking the spike in the process. He lands on the bifrost and you jump down next to him.

   “What’s your name? Weren’t you working for Hela?” you question suspiciously. The man looks ashamed “My name is Skurge. Yes i did work for Hela temporarily, but i know now that she is not a true queen and i wan’t to make it right” he confesses.

   you smile and nod at him “Good for you dude. Now prove it!” you shout and charge into battle. You love a good redemption ark. You and your new friend Skurge fight off the Knights. “Hela!” he shouts, catching the goddess’s attention. Well fuck. 

   as you two fought off the last one Hela sent a blade in Skurge’s direction. You didn’t think. You should have thought before you acted, but you didn’t. You were just too nice to strangers. You jump in front of Skurge and catch the blade in your back, causing you to gasp out. 

   skurge looks at you in shock as you slowly drop to the floor. From a distance Thor and Val watch in horror as there comrade is smite down. “No!” Thor screamed, lighting bursting in every direction “Hela enough!” he shouts, standing up “if you want Asgard. It’s yours”

   Skurge moves you and pulls the blade from your back. Your vision became spotty “Loki?” you murmur as you look up “i’m so sorry” Skurge cried. Hela looked towards Thor “Whatever game you're playing, it won't work. You can't defeat me.” Hela says with a evil grin.

   Skurge watched the life drain from your body as it turned to ice. A statue of who you used to be cold and frozen over. “I’m so sorry ma’am” he breathes out as he touches your face. He felt so guilty. It should have been him is what he kept thinking over and over again.

   suddenly the Sakaar ship lands next to Skurge and Loki jumps out. His whole world came crashing down once he saw you. A frozen corpse. “She saved him so i stayed with her” skurge explains. Loki lifts a hand and waves him away, which is what Skurge does so. 

   Loki drops to his knees and touched your frozen skin “Even in death you are beautiful my love. I should have kissed you when you asked me too, but i just had to be cheeky” he says, tears forming down his face and falling onto your frozen body. 

   “No one can ever match your beauty, your skill, or your big heart and i will never love again. You taught me what it’s like to love and to be loved and i- i-” Loki broke down and let his tears fall like a waterfall. He was alone again. Now he would have to live his miserable life without you

    ☼-☪-☼

   you sat up, breathing heavily. You were in a castle. Thor’s castle. How? Where’s Hela? Where’s Loki. You push yourself off the floor instantly and look around. “You must be terribly confused” you heard a woman speak. You turn around and see a older woman with light auburn hair.

   “Who are you and where is everyone?” you snap at her, but she just smiles “My name is Frigga dear” she spoke kindly. You look at her in horror “You’re Loki and Thor’s mother- but....your dead. That means that i’m-” you almost gag on your own words.

   “i’m afraid so dear” she speaks and gives you a sad smile. “No! I have to get back! Loki is expecting me to be there. I have to help stop Hela!” you say. This couldn’t be happening “Ragnarok has already begun and Asgard is to fall any moment. Don’t you want to rest?”

   your whole life has been nothing but pain and hard work. You had never ‘rested’ a day in your life. As much as it sounded like a treat, you still had responsibilities “No. I chose to stay and fight Hela because Thor is my friend and i’m not giving up on him or Loki, Val, Bruce or the asgardians. 

   Frigga gives you a proud smile “That’s what i wanted you to say. I’ll bring you back” she says and rolls up her sleeves “You have to do something for me though” she spoke. You stepped towards her “Anything” he say hastily “Marry my son. Loki deserves it more then ever and so do you”

   you give your future mother in law a smile “Of course. How are you going to bring me back anyway?” you question. Frigga grans both your hands and smiles “Ancient magic that is far to complex. Now when i bring you back it will be with an asgardian soul” she says. You looked confused.

   “What does that mean?”

   “It means you’ll be an asgardian along with your abilities.”

   you smile lightly. You could live as long as Loki now and truly be together forever. “Okay, i’m ready” you say and she nods “Tell my sons that i love him and tell Loki that choosing to be his mother was one of the best days of my life and Thor...that he doesn’t have to rule Asgard to be a great leader.”

   you nod, locking the words into your memory. Frigga starts mumbling a spell and you feel your body become lighter and lighter until you feel like you pass out.

    ☼-☪-☼

   Loki lifts his head up from your body as it starts to defrost. His eyes go wide as underneath the ice is your beautiful face. Your eyes shoot open and you fly into the sky. Your whole body emitting a white and blue aura. You flew towards Thor, Val and Hela. 

   Thor puts his hands on his hips and points behind him “No i know, but he can” he says and Surtur comes crashing through the castle. As Hela stares at her downfall Val takes the opportunity to pierce her sword through Hela’s chest. Your form an ice spear and launch yourself down, stabbing it straight through her.

   Thor sends and burst of electricity and you back away, slowly landing on the bifrost. It was over. Hela was doen for and you wanted to leave this retched planet. 

    ☼-☪-☼

   you walk through the ship until you find Thor and Loki in one room. Loki was holding a cap to a liquor bottle. “Hello boys” you spoke and they both turn to look at you “Lady Y/n, the girl who cheated death! No wonder you and Loki are perfect for each other” Thor announced, bowing at you.

  you smiled and walked over to a loveseat, Loki following suit and sitting next to you “Yeah uh- i didn’t cheat anything. I actually died” You said “But how, your right here?” Loki says, grabbing your hand “I came back with a little help of a certain someone” you say. 

   Thor walks over and sits down across from you two “Who?” he questions and take a sip of his drink “Frigga” you said, making the brothers look at you in shock “Mother, how?” Loki asked. “I woke up in the castle and she was there. She said she could bring me back and gave me a few things to say”

   both boys inched closer “She said she loves you both and Thor, you don’t have to rule asgard if it isn’t what you wan’t. Your still a great man and Loki” you turn your body to face your forever “one of the best days of Frigga life was choosing to be your mother and love you like her own blood”

   Loki’s face said just about enough as well as Thor’s. They both looked at there laps, smiling to themselves. “I’m also asgardian now” you say, grabbing a drink from the table. Thor drops his glass on the floor, smashing it into tiny pieces. That was a nice cup. 

   “What!?”  they both shout. 

    ☼-☪-☼

   Loki had found you both a room on the ship with a perfect view of the unknown outside. You were currently looking through it now, thinking. A pair of arms wrap around you from behind “I still owe you a kiss” Loki breathes out. You smile brightly and turn around in his hold, facing him. 

   “I believe you do...my prince” You say at the end just to tease him. Loki growls under his breath before pressing his lips to yours for a hungry kiss while his hands pulled you flush against him. You thought your first kiss would be sweet and short, but Loki’s was needy and passionate. 

   you both pulled at each others clothing, wanting it off but not having the strength to pull away and do so. After a minute of two Loki pulls away “I’ve been wanting to do that for weeks” he admits, making you chuckle. “Good thing you have me all night then, my forever. i love you Loki of asgard”

   Loki grins at your words and kisses your forehead “i love you as well, Y/n, my forever” 

    ☼-☪-☼

   Kody- I want no one to talk about how long it is, it hurts to even mention. 

[yes-thelatter-blog]

Betrayal

I decided to start blogging again. I have this feeling for awhile now and never had to time to put it into action. So, here it is.

Why and what makes me started to, so-called, rewrite. I guess I needed that space to let out. I lost hope in humanity. I lost hope in friendship. So I’m going to use this space to let my thoughts out.

So, here’s why. She whom we gonna label as NRL is a colleague who is soon going to be an ex-colleague. She’s new with us for almost 3 months. Only during her last month, we somehow got close and I, got invested. It started off with her ranting to me about her reporting manager who is my ‘longest’ colleague MCSH. MCSH has always been that loud, grumpy and aggressive kind of ‘Boss’. Also, nothing new to me, all his ex-female drafters have approached me with the same vent. This ranting session is nothing new to me, however why NRL was an exceptional? First off, she’s someone much elder that me, 18 years older (a year older than MCSH). I’ve always connect with people whom older than me much better that those of my peers. My peers are all so lame. Secondly, it was easy to talk to her as she’s very laid back kind of type. Thirdly, we both decided to take up a course together, this very point - I have been waiting to pursue this course for the longest time just that I procrastinated cause I didn’t want to go alone. So, things clicked on well. We spoke casually. She also allowed me to hop on the journey to school with her. And I always thanked her graciously after each ride. To add on, we even decided to go a second course together in the following week. We wanted to go for baking. Always wanted my sister to go, but there is always a but. Save that for another.

I decided to allocate 3 days back to office to so-called accompany her and prevent her from further ‘bully’ from MSCH. I did that. I even did not bring my home cooked food so that we can have lunch together. I took 3 days off from site for this. That’s something big that I have never done for anyone else in the Company.  I was concerned for her health condition, any excessive stress might cost her life or even back to stroke. I went out of the way to ensure that she doesn’t get pressured towards her last days with the Company. True indeed, MCSH toned down when I’m around and she felt better. I thought of her as friend.

Then. One day. On the 3rd day of those allocated days, before I return to site on Monday. She. Have accidentally vented to the wrong chat. To me. About me.

She was ‘frustrated’? I don’t know how to describe her feelings. Now that she’s no longer truthful, I can’t really tell. So, she frustrated that I didn’t acknowledge her as “Kakak” and spoke to her in aku-kau lingo. Ok. Listen. Where do I even freaking begin.

1. I don’t even call my own Kakak, Kakak.

2. Aku-Kau? I used that lingo during jokes, only. Most of the times I go by I / You.

3. Everybody in the Company is technically older than me! You expect me go everywhere Kakak Abang every single bugger? This is a Company. Not my family tree. (See point 1)

4. If you hear me calling someone Kakak / Abang, I clearly need something from them or we’re casually talking and joking with each other.

5. People like Kakak Thien, Kakak Jenny, Uncle Neo, all this people have been with me since I was 20. Until now. My respect for them is different compare to her whom I invested 3 days with. You cannot claim yourself a big deal just because of your age.

6. In Company, despite age, we look at designation. You have to call me Ms A, because I’m sitting on a higher pedestal than you are now. But, I’m humble and kid shit about designation. You are holding my position when I was 20. I’m not looking down on you. But, move on. These little petty things don’t worth to be on my mind.

7. You are new to the Company. Some people were there and returned. Some people grew up in the Company. You cannot bring in your culture into ours and you cannot think that because you are older (in age), hence making you the senior in the Company. I repeat, I am not mocking her age or whatsoever. I have been called “Kakak” from someone elder than me cause they see me as Senior in the Company. Now how?

8. I am younger than you. I have a say in the Company. My voice is heard. I climbed my way up. Hence, I get things done my way and I make sure things get done too. So if you heard me say “Ahh. Aku balik dulu ah.” at 1530hrs. You jolly well shut the hell up cause you don’t know how much I have invested in the Company and yes, that’s a privilege. Sorry, you didn’t get to live that life.

9. I grew up in the Company. I’ve been through so many idiotic managements. And what I learnt is not to bring my heart to work. Whenever I leave for work, I leave my heart for my love at home, unless he’s not home, I leave my heart at the door. I’ll pick it up once I’m back from work. Metaphorically saying that, I don’t care about the people at work. I go to work, to work. Not to care about people. Yes, there are some we care for. But we don’t give our heart and soul to them. We care by listening. That’s all. Unlike her, she cares. She cares so damn much that later she question herself why after she rants about it.

10. Rude. Is it Rude? To not call your colleagues with Kakak / Abang. Eh sial ah ni office tau! Office!

I don’t know man. I just gave 10 points. So, have I been rude and sinful all these while?

I have another 6 days with her. May Allah spare me some of his patience.

This betrayal hit me different cause it’s been some time I didn’t have a female companion. And this is why I’m so done with making friends with the females.

*Add-on*

I think because she overheard me calling another colleague as AbangNZM. But that is because he also knew from way back and plus he asked to be called AbangNZM.  Another thing, even if I don’t call you as “kakakxx” or “abangxx”, that doesn’t mean I treat you as adik-adik what.

xK

[devilatmydoor]

truly, madly, deeply I calum hood one shot

a/ n; this is my birthday present for the wonderful @himbocalum​! happy birthday nat! this fic is based off of these fics that are in the same universe as this! - proposal blurb & pumpkin picking 

masterlist  pairing; fiance!calum/ female reader

word count; 3.4k+(barley under 3.5k lol)  // warning; fluff & smut (established relationship; female receiving oral & unprotected sex)

italics are prompts choosen & bold and italics are song lyrics

___________

His fingers intertwined with yours as he drove to your favorite spot; you had the idea of going stargazing since it had been a while. He packed blankets and pillows in the back seat as Duke sat comfortably. He kissed the back of your hand and then your ring finger, "We're almost there, beautiful."

"Good, I think Duke is getting antsy." You giggled as you looked back to see him standing on the blankets wagging his tail.

"He's just excited, he doesn't get to join our date nights very often." Calum winked as he parked stopping the car.

"That's true, such a shame." You smiled kissing Calum's hand.

"Is it?" He teased as he let go of your hand and reached behind you and grabbed Duke. He set Duke on your lap, "Behave Duke, don't get any ideas."

You giggled as you watched Calum get out of the car and go to the back seat to grab the blankets and pillows to set up. He flashed a smile at you and waved when he was ready.

You got out of the car, Duke in your arms as you walked towards him. He sat on the blankets and opened his arms for you, you slowly maneuvered your way into his arms. Duke peppering your face with kisses before Calum could get the chance, "He's got a lot of nerve kissing you before me."

You set Duke on the blankets and held his leash as you kissed Calum, "He's just a puppy baby."

"He's a grandpa baby, he may be small-" You cut him off by kissing his lips repeatedly as his hands cupped your face, his thumb caressing your cheek.

He sighed happily against your lips and kissed your lips softly. "Better?" You asked with a giggle as his cheeks turned pink.

"Much better." He smiled kissing your forehead before pulling you into his lap, he draped a blanket over the two of you as his arms wrapped around you tightly.

"I love when you hold me like this." You swooned as he softly squeezed you to get a reaction

"I really love holding you darlin'."

"I love you." You pressed a soft kiss to his cheek.

"I love you wifey." He smiled as you rested your head on his chest as you gazed at the stars. The shining stars painting the darkness surrounding you as the waxing moon lit the sky. "Star gazing was a good idea."

"I thought so." You smiled as you turned to face him, "It's been awhile since we've done this."

"It has. Plus you look so beautiful under the moonlight."

Your cheeks turned pink from his compliment as you turned to gaze at him, his perfect skin illuminated under the moonlight. "You look so handsome under the moonlight."

He smiled before kissing your lips softly and Duke passed out on the blanket next to you, Calum giggled causing you to giggle too. "This is why we don't take him on dates, he's bored of us."

"His little snores are so cute."

"Oh so his snores are cute but mine are annoying?" He teased with a smirk, his hands resting on your hips

"That's because his snores aren't directly in my ear when I sleep!" You giggled, wrapping your arms around his neck.

"Mhmm; your stuck hearing those snores for the rest of your life cupcake." He smiled kissing your forehead.

You swooned at his new found pet name for you, he was always coming up with new ones. "I'll just invest in some earplugs." You teased running your hair through his curls.

He sighed as you massaged his scalp, "I doubt that, you love my morning voice."

"Your morning voice is 10x sexier than your normal voice." You teased with a wink as he huffed.

"That's a damn lie and you know it." He attempted to wake up Duke.

"Baby you know he wont wake up, he's like you."

"Your right, he'll be asleep until we get home. Should we head home baby? It's getting late."

"Mhhm, it's getting colder." You nodded as you got off of him and picked up Duke.

He unlocked the car so you could set Duke on his designated spot in the back. You opened the trunk for Calum. He set the blankets and pillows down and smiled at you as he closed the trunk. He walked with you to the passengers side and opened the door for you as he always did.

His hand rested on your thigh as he drove the 3 of you home; soft music played as you gazed at the night sky in all its glory.

His hand squeezed your thigh bringing you back into the car, "We're almost home cupcake."

"Good, I need more of your kisses." You winked as he pulled into your neighborhood.

"Just my kisses huh?" He teased with a smirk while he pulled into your driveway.

You giggled as you leaned over to kiss his cheek, "If you play your cards right maybe more."

"Oh yeah?" He cut the engine and turned to face you. He took off his seatbelt and leaned over to kiss your cheek, "Let's wake up Duke and go inside yeah?"

"Of course baby, are we grabbing the blankets and pillows?" You asked as you took your seatbelt off.

"We can get them tomorrow." He smiled climbing out of the car and running to your side of the car. You waited for him as he opened the door for you, "For you my love."

"Thank you my love." You beamed as you got out of the car. You closed the door behind you as you opened the back door to wake up sleepy Duke.

You slowly picked him up as his eyes sleepily opened, holding his small frame close to your chest. Calum led the two of you towards the front door as his arm wrapped around your waist. He opened the door for you with a smile; you slowly stepped inside slowly setting Duke on the couch.

Moments later you heard his adorable snores causing you both to laugh. "That's the last time he comes with us."

"All he does is sleep!" You took off of your shoes, Calum followed as he chuckled.

"Can you blame him? He doesn’t have a beautiful girl keeping him occupied." Calum smiled as he walked with you back to your shared room.

His hand holding yours as you led him inside, you let go of his hand walking towards the bathroom. "I'm gonna take my makeup off."

"Okay baby, I'll be here." He smiled kissing your cheek before sitting down on the bed.

You stepped into the bathroom moments before combing your hair and throwing it in a messy bun. You washed off your makeup finishing up with the tedious mascara, before opening the door you could’ve sworn you heard Calum playing guitar. You opened the door to see what was going on in your bedroom, you were welcomed by him playing softly on the bed in just his boxers.

“Hey you, I didn’t take too long did I?” You asked softly as his eyes met yours, he smiled as he stopped playing.

“Not at all, I was just  messing around.” He smiled sitting up straight.

“Wanna play a song for me?” You asked with your puppy eyes knowing it would work.

“Baby.”

“But I want to hear you sing, please?”

“If I serenade  you, will you strip for me?”

Your heart race jumped realizing what he wanted, “Y-Yeah if you want me too.”

“Of course I do cupcake.” He winked as he started playing ‘I Knew I Loved You’ by Savage Garden. He started singing which reminded you to start stripping for him, you seductively took off your top as he watched you intently.

I knew I loved you before I met you, I have been waiting all my life

His eyes glued to your exposed skin was covered with goosebumps. he softly ground as you took off your bottoms. He looked you up and down and situated himself on the bed as he continued to sing.

A thousand angels dance around you, I am complete now that I've found you

You stopped as he stopped singing, his eyes never leaving you as he set the guitar on the side of the bed before slowly getting off the bed. He walked up to you and smiled, “You’re so beautiful it hurts to look at you.”

“You are my love.”

He slowly picked you up wrapping your legs around his waist while he kissed you passionately; he slowly laid you down on the bed as his hands held your hips. He kissed you slowly as you licked his lower lip, he breathed on your lips. “I want to kiss every inch of your body.” 

Goosebumps covered your skin as he left soft kisses down your neck to your collarbone, his fingers toying with the waistband of your panties. He did as he promised, kissing every inch of your skin as he slowly undressed  you. He kissed back up your body as your moans filled the room, he held your face in his hands as he kissed your lips as he softly nibbled on your bottom lip. “Oh god how you switch from cute to sexy in under a second.” 

He let out a low chuckle as he kissed your sweet spot, “It’s a special talent of mine baby.” 

“I-I can tell." You moaned as he rubbed your hips while his lips sloppily kissed your neck. Your eyes fluttered shut as he left open mouth kisses all over your thighs. 

He slowly spread your legs, his fingers teasing your slick folds causing you gasp. "I've barely touched you and your soaking." 

"C-Cal please." 

He smirked as he slid two fingers inside of you with ease, he then slowly pumped them in and out of you to push you to give you just what you needed. 

"Oh fuck Cal!" You felt your orgasm approaching as he slid his fingers out of you. You yelped looking in his eyes to see why he stopped. 

Before you could question why,  his lips attached to your clit as he held your hips. Your orgasm rushed through you in record time as you gripped his curls, his moan vibrated against you as the familiar feeling returned. He moaned against you  for a second time as he looked up at you, "That's my girl." 

He quickly took off his boxers as he hovered over you, he teased the tip of his cock with your wetness before slowly pushing in, "Fuck. I love you." 

You cupped his face in your hands as he thrusted deep and slow, "I love you." 

He smiled as his skin pressed against yours as he continuously kissed your lips as he picked up the pace, his thrusts precise and fast as he groaned loudly before you felt him twitch inside of you as he came.

He rode out his high chasing yours, you moaned his name as he rode out yours.  His warm skin against yours as you wrapped your arms around his neck, "Oh baby." 

"You could say that again," He breathed before kissing your neck, "Incredible as always." 

He slowly pulled out of you causing you to moan from the loss, he cleaned the both of you up with a warm towel. His arms wrapped around you as your head laid on his warm chest, his fingertips trailing up and down your arm while his fingers tracing soothing circles in your skin. 

"Can we stay like this forever?" 

You smiled kissing his chest, "I wish we could, handsome. The boys would miss you." 

"They'll survive, I just never want to leave this bed." He sighed happily while his fingertips traced circles on your back. 

"I know but your millions of fans would miss you and I could never keep you from them." 

He gently tilted your chin so you'd look in his eyes, "I know, that's why your mine. You're the least selfish person I know." 

"Wait until our honeymoon and you'll be proven wrong." You teased kissing his cheek. 

 "A month won't be nearly long enough." He winked moments before kissing your forehead for what felt like the 100th time that night. 

"A month? I thought it was only 2 weeks." 

His eyes widened in realization he cracked and told you his surprise. "Forget what I just said, uh, um, I-fuck." He fumbled looking everywhere but your eyes. He knew if he looked in your eyes he'd crack. 

"Calum." You gave him your puppy eyes would do him in, his eyes met yours and he sighed and you knew he was gone. "Baby just tell me." 

"Your lucky I adore you," He winked before taking a deep breath, "You know how you couldn't decide on where to go and you eventually made me decide on where?" 

You nodded following along trying to wrap your head around where he was going. "So I decided; we're going to both places. I made reservations for both, we have a break in between because of time zones."

"Wait are we going on two honeymoons or just an extended honeymoon?" 

"Extended, we'll go on a second one next year on our anniversary." He smiled as he kissed your lips softly. 

"Wait what about the boys? How is this even possible?" 

"Don't worry about it, they encouraged me to go with my plan." He reassured with a soft kiss to your temple.

You laid your head on his chest, "You're the best, thank you." 

"There's no need to thank me darlin." He cooed pecking the top of your head as your eyes slowly closed as you heard his soft snores.

* * *

You woke to Calum whispering something inaudible as the sunlight peeked through the blinds. You turned your body slowly while his arm draped over your torso. His eyes closed as he slept next to you, you ran your fingers through his hair as he nuzzled his head in your neck, he shook his head and groaned, “Five more minutes.” 

“Baby you're the one who woke me up” 

He looked at you as his eyebrows narrowed, “What are you talking about?”

“I heard you talking in your sleep.” You ran your fingers through his hair before caressing his cheek with your thumb. 

“I was?” He asked, embarrassed as he kissed your forehead. 

“Mhmm, it’s okay. If you need more sleep I’ll be your pillow.” You cooed running your fingers through his hair as he sighed laying his head on your chest. 

“You are very endearing when you're half asleep.” He muttered before falling asleep, you closed your eyes as he laid on top of you and slept for another hour. 

Calum woke you up again this time with endless kisses and soft touches, telling you how he couldn’t wait to be your husband and marry you in 6 months. You couldn’t wait another 6 months but knowing he had to go on tour and perform for his fans you’d manage. 

You spent the day at home planning the wedding with Calum’s help, he double checked your honeymoon plans and reservations to make sure everything was prepped. The stress and tension in your shoulders made it uncomfortable to sit anywhere- of course Calum noticed easily and made you tea as he disappeared into the bedroom. 

As you sipped your tea you took deep breaths and he returned from the bedroom in only his boxers, your eyes narrowed at his perfectly toned chest. His muscles on display as he winked at you, “Like what you see?” 

“Of course,” You got off the couch to meet him halfway, his arms wrapping around you. 

“I made you a bath, want to take it together?” He smiled as he kissed your forehead softly. 

“That sounds amazing.” You sighed as he led you into the bedroom. You stood in front of him still wearing your pajama shorts and his tee shirt you claimed as yours. 

He slowly took off your top, his fingertips grazing your skin as he slowly took off your shorts letting them fall to the floor. He took off his boxers and walked with you in the bathroom, the aroma of lavender and vanilla filling your lungs. He stepped in the bath and opened his arms for you with a huge smile, you stepped into the hot water as he wrapped his arms around your waist as your back relaxed on his chest. “Feeling any better?” He asked as his thumbs traced soothing circles on your hips.

“Yes, thank you.” You smiled as you closed your eyes as you fully relaxed. 

“Sit up for me cupcake, your shoulders are tense.” He cooed and you followed, his hands softly massaging every knot in your shoulders slowly released as his hands worked them out of you. You sighed in relief as he continued to massage your back as you sat in pure bliss. 

* * * 

You cleaned up the counter from excess flour and sugar as the oven dinged, alerting you that it was at the right temperature. Calum opened the oven and set the cookie sheets inside, he closed the oven as he gazed at you in awe. 

You turned to face him; his smile from ear to ear as his pearly whites on full display. "Cmere." He motioned you closer, you stepped closer to him before he grabbed your waist and pulled you against him. 

"Hi." You kissed his neck; his jaw and his cheek as you felt his heart rate jump as your hand rested on his chest. "Almost 3 years together and your heart rate still goes up when I kiss you." 

"I reckon by the time we're old and gray, my heart will still  jump when you kiss me." He winked leaning against the counter. 

"You're probably right," You giggled as you heard yours and Calum's song playing on the radio softly in the background. 

 His eyes met yours and he smiled instantly, "Dance with me?" 

You nodded as he stepped away from the counter while you backed away as his hands stayed on your waist. 

I'll be your hope, I'll be your love be everything that you need.

His body heat radiating off of him as he held you close while you swayed to the music. 

I love you more with every breath truly madly deeply do.

With each passing moment over the days, weeks and months together you found yourself falling more in love with each other. Every second became  more evident how much you truly loved each other. 

I will be strong I will be faithful 'cause I'm counting on a new beginning, A reason for living

Your eyes met his, you were each other's 'new beginning' and you couldn't imagine it with anyone else. 

You don't have to close your eyes 'cause it's standing right before you.

All that you needed was right in front of you; his arms wrapped around you as tears slowly formed. He caught them on the pad of his fingertips, "I'm right here, I'm not going anywhere. Not without you." 

"I love you." 

"I love you," He pulled you in with a loving and passionate kiss as the song played. Your lips slowly and tenderly against one another's; your hands rested on the nape of his neck. The cold sensation of Duke's nose hitting your ankle and the timer for your cookies brought your attention back into your surroundings. "I forgot all about the cookies." 

You giggled kissing his nose, "I did too, I was focused on my handsome fiancé." 

"As was I." He remarked with a smile as you stepped away from him to grab the cookies. 

"I'm handsome? Huh, your always telling me I'm beautiful" You teased as you turned off the oven and grabbed the cookies. 

"Oh shush, you know what I mean." He giggled picking up Duke as he leaned against the counter. 

“You know it.” You walked up to him and kissed his lips softly as Duke started licking your cheek. 

The facial expression on Calum’s face alone made you burst into a laughing fit as he set down Duke, he shook his head as he joined you as you felt your stomach ache from laughing so hard. “I know you're not jealous of Duke wanting attention.” 

“Maybe I am!” He teased as he grabbed a cookie and attempted to eat it and quickly remembering how hot it was he dropped it on the pan and you continued to laugh. “You are something else Mrs. Hood.”

“You should talk Mr. Hood.” You took a deep breath in an effort to stop laughing, knowing your night was far from over with Duke and Calum and you wouldn’t have it any other way. 

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[bestloversfan]

Hi! I'm new to the Everlark fandom. Having only finished the books and the movies, I'm now working my way through all the meta I can find. And I love your blog, thank you for providing a thought provoking material.

There's one thing I'd like to read more about, and oddly enough, I haven't seen it covered much in the Everlark meta: Katniss' behaviour (attitude) towards the highjacked Peeta after he had been rescued and returned to her. Have you made analysis post about it, maybe? If so, would you please redirect me there? Or to any other posts you might know on the matter.

This part of the book and Katniss' attitude upset me so much, it felt like she failed Peeta. Failed to be there for him when he needed her the most, and only after Haymitch berated her, she felt ashamed. I was so sad that it took Haymitch to open her eyes, that she didn't find it in her on her own. I'm not saying she owed Peeta romantic affection, love or relationship, but I think she owed him human support and investment - and that she failed to give him. She chose to remove herself completely from the situation and fled. She only got back on track when Peeta started showing definite signs of getting better (after he arrived to the Capitol mission). At that point, I honestly wished for Peeta to heal but for Katniss to live him alone, once and for all. It devastated me so much, that I still cannot get over it. When they got back together in the Epilogue - it was logical and according to Katniss' nature, Gale was right (she needed Peeta to heal, she couldn't function without him, so she stayed with him) - but it felt like she didn't actively choose Peeta, but drifted towards him because he was there. It felt more like it was about what she could take from him than give him (because she loved him). And with the gap that the lack of her support for Peeta created when he was highjacked, this leaves me kind of bitter. I wish this thing was somehow addressed in the the book, but it never was. The films kind of played the whole thing down because in the film we didn't see Katniss' inner thoughts on the matter, which in the books were the worst part of it all.

Don't get me wrong, in the end it's good they grew back together and healed each other, I'm glad. I liked the epilogue, with all the hope it brings. They made each other happy. She made Peeta very happy, and it counts for something.

But my issues about the gap between the highjacked Peeta and the absent Katniss still stand.. And I haven't seen them addressed anywhere. Maybe there's another side to it which I overlook.

Maybe you or your followers don't mind elaborating or redirecting me to the existing discussions on the matter.

Sorry for the long rant and thanks a lot!❤️ I just can't stop thinking about THG and Everlark 😅

Hi! Welcome to THG/Everlark fandom! I'm glad you like my blog. 🥰

As for your question, yes, we've discussed this matter (the way Katniss treated Peeta when he was hijacked). Many times, to be more specific. I'll redirect you to some metas about this topic, but I want to talk about a few things beforehand:

First of all, I understand your upsetness at the way Katniss treated Peeta when he was hijacked. She really didn't treat him fairly, and it was a good thing Haymitch openned her eyes. But you're not considering one thing: She was suffering A LOT. What she did was selfish, but understandable. Can you imagine what it feels like to lose someone you love in the way Katniss lost Peeta? She never wanted to love anyone, because she was afraid of suffering. But she fell in love with Peeta anyway. And then he was ripped away from her, and brainwashed into believing he HATED her. It was so much for her to bear, and she was just a TEENAGER. Also, in the beginning, she couldn't do much to help him in his recovery, because he was a threat to her. He literally tried to kill her, and he couldn't even hear her name without freaking out. So, when we consider all of this, we can empathize with her and understand why she acted the way she did.

As for what you said about her choice for Peeta, I definitely don't agree with that. She didn't choose Peeta just because "she couldn't function without him". She chose him because she loved him, and had been loving him for awhile. What you said suggests she never felt anything for him and only chose him because she was emotionally dependent on him, and it's not true. She started loving him long before that. In Catching Fire, when she said she needed him and kissed him like she never did before, their relationship became 100% real. Nothing she did from that moment on was an act. If it weren't for the hijacking, they surely would have got together a lot sooner.

By the end of MJ, Katniss said she needed Peeta to survive, but it's not to be taken literally. What Suzanne Collins was trying to convey with that passage is that Katniss wasn't choosing only a partner, but also the future she wanted to have. She needed hope, and only Peeta could give her that. Gale couldn't. And yes, she made a choice. She didn't choose Peeta just because "he was there". She chose him because she loved him (don't forget she told him "real"), and needed him. And it would have happened anyway, as she said herself. She could have chosen to be alone (romantically) and to be only friends with Peeta, as they used to be before the Quarter Quell. She could have chosen to be with someone else. She could have chosen to try and approach Gale (she knew he was in d.2. She could have tried to contact him). But she didn't do any of these things. She CHOSE to be with Peeta. Despite all of her fears in regards to romantic relationships, she chose him. And this is one of the many evidences that she loved him. Also, the fact that she only talked about what Peeta could give her in that passage doesn't mean she wasn't willing to give him anything. Throughout the books, she helped him and saved his life so many times. And even when he was hijacked, at some point she recognized her mistake and started helping him in his recovery. She was a flawed person (who isn't?), but she cared deeply about him. And in the epilogue, Peeta said "we have each other", which suggests Katniss was there for him too (I'm pretty sure she was).

Well, this got longer than I intended to (haha!), but I hope I helped you understand these points. Now, as promised, here are the links to the metas:

Meta by @buttercupisbrainless: Link

Meta by @everlarkedalways: Link

Meta by me: Link

Meta by @safeinpeetasarms: Link

There are more metas about this topic, but these are the ones I could find right now. If anyone wants to add another meta, feel free to reblog this post with it. 😉

Thanks for your ask, anon! Feel free to send me an ask whenever you want to know my opinion on something. 😊

[let-it-raines]

I Hope We Never See October (1/?)

Summary: When his personal life and football career go up in flames, Killian Jones escapes England for America, finding seclusion in Martha’s Vineyard in order to hide from his demons. It’s a fresh start, or at the very least a paused moment in his life, and all he needs is a few months alone to allow his heart to heal. He doesn’t count on meeting Emma Swan.

Emma’s life depends on tourists who come to the island every summer. It’s how she makes her money working in restaurants and clubs across the vineyard, but every year, she cannot wait until autumn comes and her life returns to normal. She especially cannot wait for Killian Jones to leave.

Rating: Mature

a/n: Do you know what’s a great way to distract yourself from writing and other responsibilities? By writing a story that you shouldn’t be writing. So, here we are, and I hope you enjoy 😂

On AO3 | Here | 

-/-

June

The ocean water runs over his toes before disappearing, heading back to its home beyond the sand. It’s a cool contrast against the heat of the sun that’s warmly beating down on his skin, but it matches the chill of the beer bottle against his palm. Who knows what time it is? From the emptiness of the beach, Killian is guessing it’s mid-morning, but seriously, who the hell knows anymore?

Likely everyone other than him.

After more water washes over his feet and up his ankles, he decides the water is too cold to stay standing this close to the shoreline, so he walks up the path to his house and closes the gate behind him. He sits down at the bench by his pool and then buries his face in his hands before moving to take a sip of the beer.

God, he hopes it’s not truly the morning because he’s one second away from tipping the bottle enough for the beer to tumble down his throat.

Killian yanks it away and tosses it to the ground. He expects the damn thing to shatter against the tile, but it doesn’t. It rolls away into the grass, spilling a little beer with every turn until it stops against the tall grass lining the gate. Killian bends down and picks up another bottle, popping it open, then pouring it out. He does the same thing over and over again until his grass is fertilized with alcohol.

At least his body isn’t.

What a thought to have (presumably) so early in the morning.

His eyes close, the sun no longer blinding his vision, and he starts picking up the bottles, chasing them around and cursing himself for even buying the damn case in the first place. He has no clue what damn day it is, but he does know that it’s too damn early for him to be drinking. And if he’s going to get wasted and waste his day, he might as well do it with rum or whiskey. He doesn’t even like beer.

Killian chucks the bottles in the bin resting against the side of the rental house and goes through the side door into the kitchen. It’s clean today, all the white countertops empty of plates and pitchers and the junk that accumulates over time. The living room is clean as well, all the pillows in the right place, the throw blankets over the correct corners of couches, and he can see vacuum lines in the rug. He’s sure if he were to walk to the mantle, it’d be empty of dust. Ariel must have sent someone in to clean yesterday while he was away from the house. He’s got to have her stop doing that. He’s thirty-five years old. He can clean the house he’s staying in. He doesn’t need her taking care of his life for him.

Though, it is literally her job, but Ariel takes things far past being his manager. He doesn’t know anyone else who does all the things she does for their client, especially when he isn’t bringing in the same amount anymore. Sponsors aren’t exactly lining up at the door for disgraced football – not the American kind as everyone here believes – players, but he still has a few hanging around and good enough investments that he’ll be alright for a long while. Bored as hell with too much time for him to wander to bars in Martha’s Vineyard before talking himself out of them and sitting in a twenty-four-hour diner all night. He’s got his favorites. One has better coffee than the others, but the booths aren’t clean. Another has clean booths but a piss excuse for coffee, and his favorite has a selection of pies that have him eating in ways he hasn’t since he was young. Still, they’re all pathetic little places for him to spend his time so he doesn’t drink more than he can tolerate.

At least no one knows him here. It’s actually why he’s here to begin with. There are obviously less famous towns and places in the world, but he wanted to be near the ocean, wanted to at least have that if he was going to be in disgraced isolation. This area has beach for miles and different nooks to disappear into, and so far, it’s nice. He’d rather be in London or New York, but he knows this is better.

He collapses onto the couch and sees a note on the coffee table in Ariel’s neat script. When was she even here? Honestly.

Killian, Eric and I are in town for the week. Please come to lunch at our house. We’d love to have you! I know you don’t have anything better to do, so don’t bother calling me with an excuse. Hope you enjoy the clean house!

-   A

He runs his hand over his face and scratches at his too-long beard before fumbling for his phone and checking the date and time. It’s half past eight. He can get two, maybe three, hours of sleep now, and he’ll only look half as pissed as he feels when he makes his way to Ariel and Eric’s house a few miles over in Tisbury.

At least he isn’t actually pissed. Always the positives, he guesses.

-/-

Ariel’s house is covered in gray shingles with white trim. The shutters are cherry red, much like her hair, and while there are obvious updates to the place, it looks just as it did in the pictures he’s seen from when Ariel was young. She was raised here, her father a local fisherman, and while she now resides outside of London, on occasion, she returns to Tisbury for a holiday. It’s why he chose to holiday here even if he’s over in Edgartown on the beach in a house too large for one person. He spent years listening to her talk about her childhood, and then visiting when she married Eric here, and he wanted that calm sense of relaxation.

Right now, however, he wants nothing more than to be back in a city. The firing squad won’t be as intrusive there where he can get lost in a crowd instead of being the center of attention.

Killian opens the unlocked front door that squeaks on its hinges, and he immediately smells garlic bread baking in the oven. She must be making her pasta, and his stomach growls for real food. As he walks through the hall at the entrance of the house, he notices that everything is the same, all the family portraits are in the same places, there are a few too many nautical decorations, but it all works. Killian looks into the kitchen, sees that it’s empty, and calls out for Ariel and Eric, no answer. He takes the liberty of checking the oven, and when he notices the bread is slightly overdone, he grabs an oven mitt and takes it out, placing the tray on the stove.

Where the hell are they?

He pushes open the kitchen door that leads to the backyard, and he sees two figures toward the side of the yard. Killian sighs and walks over to them, only stopping when he realizes it’s three people instead of two.

Ariel and Eric are talking to a gorgeous woman in a pair of small white shorts and a fitted polo. She’s got long, thick blonde hair pulled off her neck, and he can’t stop glancing down at her legs. He doesn’t usually pay much attention to people anymore, unless of course they are paying attention to him, but he cannot help but notice her. Because she’s stunning, of course, but also because he wasn’t expecting to see anyone else. He thought they would be isolated, and his gut tells him to turn around and run.

He doesn’t.

“Hello?” he starts, and they all turn to him. “I, uh, took your bread out of the oven.”

“Oh shit,” Ariel mumbles. “I forgot I’d put the bread in the oven. Is it burned?”

“No, I think I saved it just in time, love.”

Ariel’s shoulders deflate, and then she’s closing the distance between them, hugging him tightly, before Eric does the same and claps him on his back several times. He’s missed them, and it feels good to be embraced by something other than a heavy blanket. When Eric releases him, Killian can see the woman still standing in the yard, shifting on her feet.

“Hello,” he greets, nodding in her direction.

“Hi,” she nods back.

“Oh, Emma,” Ariel begins, walking over to her and grabbing her arm, “this is my friend, Killian. He’s staying on the island for awhile. Killian, this is Emma. We rent the house to her for most of the year, so we’ve invaded her home this week, I’m afraid.”

“It’s fine,” Emma says. “You guys basically give me the place for free, and I picked up some extra shifts at the club. I’d never be home anyway.”

“What do you do, love?”

“Not your love,” she corrects, and he feels the sting even if he uses the term for many a woman, “and I’m a manager at a little place by the shore, but sometimes during the summer I’ll wait tables at the local country club for extra money. The people will treat you like shit, but at least they tip well since they have no concept of real-life money.”

“What’s the restaurant?” he asks. “Maybe I could eat there.”

Her brows raise, and he gets the feeling she’s not a fan of the idea of him disturbing her at work. He gets the feeling she’s not a fan of him at all. Funny, his first impressions are usually better than this.

“The Blue Dog Tavern.” She points to the logo on her shirt. “I actually have to go there now. I just had to drop by and get my shirt since my boss is coming by today. I’ll stay out of your way when I get home tonight,” she tells Ariel and Eric. “It’ll be like I’m not even here.”

“Oh, no, honey,” Ariel sighs, smiling at Emma, “we’re the ones disturbing you. I promise, it’ll be a fast week, and then everything can go back to normal.”

Emma nods with a tight smile, and he definitely gets the idea that she isn’t a fan of having Ariel and Eric here. He wouldn’t be either if he had to share his home with his landlords. She walks away into the kitchen, leaving the door open behind her, and Killian makes a note of the restaurant she mentioned, not necessarily to see her but to venture somewhere that isn’t a twenty-four-hour diner.

“Is that why I couldn’t stay here?” Killian asks. “Because you already rent it out?”

“Yep. Plus, it’s not on the beach, and that was your request. This isn’t really to your taste anyway.”

“What’s that supposed to mean, A?”

She shrugs and walks toward the kitchen. “Nothing. I’ve got to finish cooking. I was just about to put the pasta on the stove when Emma came in through the back gate, and I got distracted. Thanks for saving the bread, Jones.”

“Is she okay?” Killian asks Eric.

“Yeah, mate, she’s fine.” He claps his hand onto Killian’s shoulder. “And what she meant by that is that you’re an ex-football player who is hiding from the world and is used to a certain kind of luxury. You’d lose your mind living in this house for months. It’s smaller than a quarter of your flat back home.”

“I would not lose my mind living here. It’s charming.”

Eric rolls his eyes. “You would. I think the giant crab pillow in the living room would be what pushed you over the edge.”

“That thing is still here?”

“It’ll never leave, and I’ve offered to pay Emma to get rid of it many times. I think she throws it out, and it finds its way back inside.”

Killian snickers and settles down on the bench of the dining table they keep outside, letting Eric follow. He feels like he hasn’t talked to another human being in ages, and he’s only been here for a few weeks. “You know her pretty well then? Emma?”

“No,” Eric starts, waving his hand, “no, no, no, no. You cannot go there.”

“What the hell are you on about? I can’t go where?”

“Emma. You can’t go there. She’s not a one-night stand for you. She lives here, takes care of it since we’re gone all the time. You can’t mess that up. Ariel would murder you if you screwed this arrangement up.”

Killian flashes a smile, the ones he’s used to get whatever he wants a million times. There’s an art to being in the public eye, one he figured out only to ruin it all over again, but he still knows the old tricks. Smile, be charming, never let them see any hesitation in your actions. If a question is too invasive or the answer to telling, redirect. It’s all about the redirection. Killian was never one to lie, but he was certainly one to evade, especially toward the end when he couldn’t handle hearing what everyone had to say.

Here, he doesn’t want to admit that Eric might be right about him, but mostly, he’s tired of people controlling his life because they think he can’t make good decisions.

“What?” he laughs, shaking his head. “You think I’m not capable of simply asking about a woman?”

“I think you are, but I don’t want Ariel to have any reason to kill you.”

“Eric,” Ariel yells from the kitchen, stopping Killian before he can speak, “set the table! We can eat in fifteen.”

Saved by the bell. Or the Ariel.

He hates himself a little for rhyming in his head. If this is how he thinks sober, he’s not sure he wants to stay this way.

“And Killian,” Ariel calls, “you can make the lemonade!”

Okay, so maybe he can, if only because Ariel will kill him if he collapses into the pit again, and she won’t be the only one. He’s had a few downfalls into drowning in alcohol since coming here. Maybe it’s boredom, maybe it’s sadness, who the hell knows? What he does know is that it makes the demons all disappear for the night, sometimes the morning too, but then it all comes roaring back in screaming color.

And with a hell of a screaming headache.

One or two drinks every few days, he reminds himself. That’s what he’s working with, and besides the few slips, he’s been pretty damn successful.

Killian heads inside to help Ariel, though he thinks he hinders her more than helps since he can’t find a damn thing, but eventually they get it all done and eat. Mostly, he has to listen to Ariel give him a briefing on things he has to do over the next few weeks. He has contracts to sign, video interviews and conferences to attend, and they need to happen at certain times. That’s a bit obnoxious, but he can’t complain. He’d be the biggest ass in the world if he did, and he’s certainly already in the running for that title. People still want his face and brand to represent them, and he doesn’t even kick around a ball anymore.

Fools. All of them.

Ariel asks him to stay for dessert, but he’s already eaten too much off his usual diet. Old habits die hard, and he isn’t working out like he used to. Maybe he’ll take up running again soon, but right now, the thought is exhausting. Killian excuses himself from the table, hugging the Fishers goodbye and wishing them goodnight. He’s sure he’ll see them before they return to England and go back to their regular lives. Ariel still has Will and Rob to manage, so she can’t spend all of her time on him. There are other pieces of work out there.

The streets are crowded as Killian drives back to his rental house. Tourists and native islanders alike are out to go to dinner or bars, likely a party or two, and while Killian is tempted to take a turn and go out himself, he doesn’t. He continues along the GPS guide back to his rental house until the garage door is closing behind him.

Day seventeen of being here - now that he knows the date, he’s reminded of when he arrived - is done and dusted, and he cannot wait to close his eyes and go to sleep. He’s been running on fumes all day.

Once inside, Killian quickly showers and puts on a pair of pajama bottoms, collapsing under the covers of his bed as soon as possible. So, of course, that’s when his phone rings.

“It’s bloody half past one in the morning where you are.”

“And only half past eight where you are, so why are you in bed? You look horrible.”

Killian groans and pinches his nose as he props the phone up to get a better look at the screen. “Thanks, Els.”

“No problem.” She flips her blonde braid over her shoulder, and despite the time, she looks as if she could be up and ready for work in minutes. “I was up, couldn’t sleep, and I figured I needed to check on you. I’m sorry I don’t have the girls with me.”

“Did you tell Ally and Sophia I love them?”

“I tell them every day, but I think they’d appreciate it more if they heard it from their actual uncle.”

“I’ll call tomorrow.”

“Good,” Elsa sighs. She adjusts herself on her couch, pulling her blanket up higher on her body, and the familiar pang of guilt hits Killian. It happens anytime he talks to just Elsa. The girls act as a buffer, and he feels guilty for using them like that. He feels guilt about a lot of things. “How are you?”

“Good,” he lies. “Really good. I think I’m going to take up real running again soon, maybe finally check out the gym in the basement of this house. What about you, love?”

“I’m okay. Work has kept me really busy, which I like. I have this one house with the biggest garden I’ve ever seen, and designing it has proven to be a bit of a challenge. But I miss spending time with the girls. Anna has been such a big help, though. I love having her here.”

“Yeah, yeah. I’m sure that’s great.” Killian runs his hand through his hair, yanking at the strands, and sinks a little further into the bed. It’s nice that Anna is around, that she’s been around this entire time while Killian fucked off across western Europe and then eventually to America. Yet again, he’s let someone he loves down because he’s an absolute tosser. “It’s nice to have a family you can count on.”

“Hey, don’t start that again, Killian. I’m not here for self-pity. You’ve had a hard year, and you needed some time away. No one is blaming you for that.”

“I’m not the one who lost my husband, love. I wasn’t left with two little girls with no father.”

Killian tilts his head up so he doesn’t have to see Elsa as water gathers around his eyes. Today was an okay day. Started off rough, but it ended up being alright. Now he’s gone and made Elsa talk about Liam’s death instead of having a normal conversation with her.

“My grief doesn’t negate yours, darling. You lost your brother, who was your best friend, and you lost the career you spent your entire life building. We can both be sad. It’s not a competition.”

Killian blows air out his nose and blinks the forming tears away. “How’d you get so wise?”

“Well, you see, when a child with a head the size of a football comes out of your vagina, you get special emotional intelligence. It’s something to do with all the hormones and pain.”

Killian finally looks down at his phone to see Elsa laughing, and the corners of his mouth twitch. “You make me glad to be a man.”

“You should be glad. You’re at least fifteen steps ahead of every woman in the world. Now, come on, I want to hear about everything you’ve been doing. Have you made any friends?”

“What am I? A lad in reception?”

“No, because my child in reception has many friends.”

Killian rolls his eyes. “Well, I met the loveliest waitress last night. Reminded me of my Gran, and, uh, today I met the woman who lives in Ariel and Eric’s house. Don’t think she was a fan of me.”

“However could a woman resist your charms?”

He laughs, even if he doesn’t appreciate the sarcasm, and this time when he sinks a little deeper into the bed, it’s for comfort and not to hide. When Killian got the news Liam died in a Naval accident, it felt like his world was ending, that the ground was crumbling underneath his feet. He was at the club warming up to head out onto the pitch, and suddenly his sacred place wasn’t so sacred. He couldn’t understand any words leaving Elsa’s voice over the phone. Everything was ringing, and his legs collapsed from underneath him.

He’ll never forget that day. One moment everything in his world was right, and then it wasn’t. and he’ll never get over the fact that Elsa has been the one who has had to continue holding him up when she lost someone too.

“Well, if their names are Ally and Sophia Jones, they are experts at resisting my charms.”

“Unless you give them sweets.”

Killian chuckles. “Those are my good charms.” Elsa smiles and yawns on the other end of the line. “Els, I think you need to go to sleep. I promise to call the girls tomorrow.”

She nods and flips her braid over. “Don’t go breaking your promises to them.”

“Never, love. I’m a man of my word.”

Or, at least, he used to be. His word seems to falter lately, but mostly only his words to himself. Killian looks out the glass doors and windows toward the ocean, watching the water crest much like this morning, but he hopes that tomorrow morning he won’t be standing there with a bottle of beer in his hands.

Maybe he can keep that promise to himself at least.

-/-

-/-

Tag list: @qualitycoffeethings​ @marrtinski​ @klynn-stormz​ @scarletslippers​ @elizabeethan​ @jrob64​ @snowbellewells​ @therealstartraveller776​ @thejollyroger-writer​ @cowboys-likeme​ @galaxyzxstark​ @galadriel26​ @idristardis​ @karenfrommisthaven��� @teamhook​ @spartanguard​ @searchingwardrobes​ @jamif​ @shireness-says​ @ultimiflos​ @onepunintendid​ @bluewildcatfanatic​ @superchocovian​ @killianswannn​ @carpedzem​ @captainkillianswanjones​ @mayquita​ @mariakov81​ @jennjenn615​ @onceuponaprincessworld​ @a-faekindagirl​ @scientificapricot​ @xellewoods​ @ultraluckycatnd​ @stahlop​ @kmomof4​ @tiganasummertree​ @singersdd​ @tornadoamy​ @cluttermind​ @lfh1226-linda @andiirivera​ @itsfabianadocarmo​ @captain-emmajones​ @ilovemesomekillianjones​ @capthamm​ 

(You can be added or removed at any time. I don’t know where my list went, so I’ve just taken it from my last story 😘)

[fanfictionfansmiction]

I Said Your Name

It’s been awhile! Here’s a Fred Weasley X Reader that’s a modern AU where you love him and plan to tell him about it but chicken out and the story follows you at a party. I’m not the best at summaries but I hope you guys enjoy! Also PSA if you have any requests feel free to ask!

Word Count: 1885

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“I’m leaving.” I whisper to anyone who can hear me. Large tears run down my face and blur my vision.

Using all the strength left in my shaking arms I push myself off the fabric sofa knocking into Hermione as I do. She doesn’t notice for once, too invested in what Ron was saying. Her nose pink and her large teeth biting down on her lip in anticipation for climax of the story she’s already heard hundreds of times. I hear Neville say goodbye. I don’t bother to respond pushing myself through the crowd that’s gathered around the entryway. Too frustrated and focused on getting out of there I realise I’ve left my coat in the kitchen. I stop in my tracks because I can’t leave without my coat, but I really don’t want to go into the kitchen where he is.

To be fair I’m not sure he knows what he’s doing. I suppose my anger would seem more justified if I told Fred. If he knew that every time he recommends an old film, I go home and watch it. I should tell him. I really did mean to tell him when he picked me up tonight. Hermione and I planned it out. I was going to invite him in because ‘I just wasn’t ready yet’. We’d be alone in my house and then I’d tell him. That it didn’t matter to me if he didn’t feel the same way but if I didn’t tell him it was going to ruin me. A little dramatic in the wording I know but a feeling like this requires dramatics. A man like Fred is someone I want to be dramatic with. But no. I couldn’t tell him. Tonight, when I opened the door and looked up at him hair damp from the rain and face red from the cold. He took my hands and said, “It’s so bloody cold out there! Feel how cold I am.” I rubbed his red hands in mine trying to warm them up. We just stood there, door wide open laughing. So how did the night end up like this?

Before we left, I made sure that all the windows and doors were locked, more focused on the notes stuffed in my coat pocket than whatever Fred was talking about.

“And then she kissed me!” Fred exclaimed breathless.

I turned my head not realising how wide my eyes had gotten. For a moment I thought Fred looked guilty.

“Don’t looked so surprised,” he laughed my name throwing a toned arm over my shoulder, “I really didn’t expect it though. I always thought she was into someone else.” He said looking down at me. Before he could continue, I asked if we were ready to go. A lopsided grin took over his pink face, “Yeah I think we are.”

The house party was only a few streets away, but the walk felt wrong. Too much tension for a walk with my Fred. I think he could feel it too.

“Someone said everyone from the old days were going to be there.” Fred said bumping into me.

“Well, you know Lily and James go all out with these things. It’s so great that Harry still gets to do these things at their house.” I replied.

“Could you imagine if I asked mum to do something like this.” Fred barked with laughter.

I couldn’t help but laugh at the thought.

When we entered the warmth of the house hit us. Filled with happy faces and the golden light I always associated with the Potters. A wave of ‘heys’ hit us as we entered. Lily and James weaved their way through the crowd to greet us. Hugging us and informing us of all the free booze in the kitchen. Sending us off with a wink.

“I love it here.” Fred spoke leaning down so I could hear him over the steady thud of music.

When we reached the kitchen, Fred told me he’s sort out the drinks, so I leant against the kitchen counter listening to a work story he was telling me when Oliver Wood sauntered into the room and placed himself by me. Fred attention followed Oliver all the way to empty space next he now filled.

“Here, I made you your favourite.” Fred said handing me the glass and snaking his arm around my waist tugging me a little closer toward him. “How’s it going Wood?” Fred asked arching his brow.

“Oh, you know, the Rugby’s worked out for me I actually just signed my new contract. I did however just break up with my girl,” Oliver looked at me, “you know we just wanted different things. I wanted to settle down get serious. She didn’t.” He said, thinking a moment before continuing, “So when did you two finally get together?” He asked cocking his brow. Fred’s arm suddenly retracted from my waist and a gap began to form between us.

Fred’s face a violent red, he cleared his throat before he started “No mate, we aren’t together. Just friends. I’m actually sort of dating this other girl. She’s actually coming here tonight.” He chugged the rest of his drink actively avoiding my glare. “I need a refill what about you two?”

Before I could answer Oliver slid closer to me and asked, “So does that mean you’re single?”

My mouth fell open, “Um, uh, yeah. Yes, I am single. Actually, I haven’t been on a date in forever.” I said ignoring the burning feeling in the back of my head. Oliver smiled at me like he’d just gotten good news. I felt Fred about to interrupt when the kitchen door opened.

“Freddie!” A voice rang.

“Oh, hey there.” Fred said preoccupied.

Oliver cleared his throat, “Let’s leave these two alone, I think they’re playing drinking games in the other room.” He took my hand in his rough ones gently guiding me away into the dining room.

I played drinking games with Oliver with a few hours until he got called away for some emergency. That’s how I ended up a little too drunk sat on that sofa rethinking everything.

I was sat there for about an hour. At first, I was joining in with the conversation laughing with the others but then on my way to the toilet I caught a glimpse of Fred and his sort of girlfriend. Her face buried in his neck, him laughing holding her close. I locked myself in the bathroom. My heart beating a little too loud. I slump down onto the toilet seat trying to catch my breath. This is not how my night was supposed to go.

After staying in the bathroom for twenty minutes I returned to my seat hoping that it wasn’t too obvious that I’d been crying. I think they noticed. No one said anything but I could tell. The worried glances exchanged by those sober enough to care.

So here I am. Standing in the middle of the entryway. Red faced and a little too drunk. Why should I feel weird? He’s the one who was being weird! Why should I cry over him?

“Everything alright love?” Lily asked softly. I turn to look at her intending to answer before I can she says. “Go tell him.”

I nod at her. If I were sober, I’d feel ridiculous but right now it almost feels like an under reaction.

I storm back through the house the crowd parting slightly as I do. Pushing my way through the kitchen door I see Fred leant against the kitchen island his head hanging down covering his face with his hands. I stomp my way through and snatch my coat from the space next to Fred which causes him to look up.

He says my name quietly. The fury in my veins almost disperses at once. I don’t let it.

“Fred, I need to tell you something.” My voice is a little shaky. I try to continue but Fred tries to stop me.

The kitchen door slams open and Fred’s sort of girlfriend is stood there with red eyes fuelled with recognisable rage.

“Is this her?” She spits eyeing me like I’m prey. She then mockingly moans my name which completely throws me. Suddenly I’m confused what I’m still doing here with the feeling that I should leave immediately.

“You are pathetic Fred. I cannot believe you. Don’t try to contact me we are done.” She declares with venom before gracefully exiting the room. I almost follow her wanting to ask her what happened. My feet move before my mind does, I’m only stopped by Fred tugging at my arm.

“I don’t think she’s going to want to talk to you.” He says with his head down still.

“Why not?” I ask looking up at him trying to catch his eye.

“You don’t want to know.”

“If I didn’t want to know I wouldn’t have asked Fred.” The anger re-enters my body as I yank my arm out of his grasp.

“Not you too.” He whines.

“Yes, me too. You have ruined my entire night! And apparently, I’m not the only one. Look I came back here to get my coat and tell you how I feel but quite frankly I don’t think that’s a conversation I want to have with you right now. I’m leaving. Goodnight Fred.” I declare following the exit of the girl before me.

On my way out I quickly thank Lily for hosting as I walk away, I hear them laugh and the words “He’s such an idiot.”

I stomped the entire walk home trying to shake the foul mood out of me. As I reached the top of my road, I hear Fred call after me.

“What Fred?” I shout back pulling my keys out of my pocket.

“Please wait! I just need to talk to you.” He yelled after me sprinting the small distance between us.

“Can we do this tomorrow Fred?” I ask opening my front door.

“No, we need to do this now.” He announces.

“Fine, come inside.” I tell him.

Before he begins, he says my name softly, “Earlier when I was telling you about the kiss I had more to say. You cut me off.” He says closing the gap between us. He brushes a piece of hair out of my face, from this small action I feel a warmth grow inside me “What I was going to say was that it didn’t feel right. When I was kissing her all I could think about was you. About your lips. About the way you smell. And the way she wasn’t you. When Oliver showed up, I acted like an idiot. Then she showed up and I hadn’t gotten a chance to tell her how I felt. Then I drank a little too much and said your name when I was kissing her. Look I have loved you before I really knew what it meant. I still don’t really know what it means but I don’t want to lose you over a dumb mistake like the ones I made tonight. I love you.” He says softly with tears forming in his eyes.

“Fred.” I say, “I love you too.” I touch my hand to his face.

“Your hands are so cold.” He laughs.

[lifewithlala]

Useful and practical advice for everyone starting college

So... Yes, I graduated! To celebrate this, I thought it would be a good idea to pass on some knowledge to those new students starting college this year (I feel like a Senpai). If it was difficult for me, I cannot fathom how much difficult it's going to be for you guys starting this year with all the things happening around the world. So good luck and I hope this really helps you out!

Try to get along with everyone. Look, prior to entering college I was asocial AF. It's not that I was shy, I just didn't like hanging out with people. However, my time in college taught me that interaction IS a very important part of life. I will be forever thankful to my classmates, who approached me on my first day (I entered college mid-year with no experience in business or economics. I was completely clueless). They were very nice to me and tried their best to explained how the school works, what classes we will be taking, what the professors and exams are like and such. Without their help, I would have had a harder time trying to get used to college. Truth is, you WILL need help at several points in college. And if you're not on good terms with anyone, who will be willing to help you? No one. So don't be a jerk and try your best to be nice and genuine with everyone in the class.

Help your classmates. Just as you will need help, your classmates will also need help. Don't wait for them to ask you for help. Offer to help them if you can! This can help you make friends or find new study buddies. Do not underestimate the power of helping others. When you help people with something, it is very likely that they will help you back when you need to. They might even recommend you for a job or internship position just because you helped them.

Find one or two study buddies. Study buddies will make studying more bearable. The study material that you will get in college is nothing compared to high school. So having a few study buddies that can help you make summaries, explain and work together on assignments will make studying much easier! I remember I had a study buddy for one of my minors in which we had to learn 16 chapters. We divided the summary workload and took turns explaining the chapters we each summarized. We literally cut the study time in half because of this!

Keep in contact with your classmates and professors. Chances are you will be separated for some time during minors, study abroad programs or internships. But that doesn't mean you have to lose contact with them. I'm not saying you have to chat with them every day. But contacting them once in awhile is good. I have been able to help some of my classmates with some subjects and applications. I have also become one of my professor's running buddies. So keep in touch because you never know what good you can give and what good it might bring you!

Be persistent. I have had instances were my school coach has ghosted me AND the school completely. Putting my internship and thesis at risk. Shit happens. And when you see things taking a turn for the ugly, fight back with all you got to get things back on track. The truth is, college is a business. And it will continue with or without you. A bit toxic, yes. However, it is up to you to not let things go south! Take action. Contact your professor when needed. Contact the administration. Contact management. Be persistent!

Plan as soon as possible. Don't wait for the first class to get your curriculum and then plan a week later. Download the curriculum BEFORE going to that first class. Plan BEFORE  going to the class. Bombard your professor with questions regarding the curriculum on the first day. Make changes accordingly. Execute that plan ASAP. Your worst enemy is time. But your best friend is also time. The sooner you start, the more prepared you will be for your exams. Read more about how I plan here.

Don't say "yes" to everything. Yes, I am guilty of this one. I learn fast. I'm young. I have lots of energy. I can do whatever I put my mind to. WRONG. This kind of thinking led me to severe burnout. I was helping my parents in their business. I was doing a full-time internship. I started my own business and had 9 clients. I was training for a marathon. Shit went down horribly at some point. I'm glad I went through that burnout because it taught me the importance and necessity to be balanced in life. And that my ability to say no is sometimes more important than my ability to say yes.

College is more than just learning theory. Look, classes are not the thing you should focus on solely in college. If there's anything more important than classes, I would say is your ability to network and leverage this to get experience in the field. That is what college is about. College opens so many opportunities, not because of what they teach, but because of the resources that you are able to get. I'm not saying go slack on your classes, but keep in mind that a lot of times, people don't hire because you have a perfect GPA.

Have a plan to be smart with your money AND stick with it. I had a plan to be smart with my money. And I did so for 3 years. But in my fourth year... I fucked up. Guys... stick to your financial plan and avoid goddamn headaches. Learn about budgeting,

Do not pull all-nighters. If anything all-nighters made me perform worse. Also, they completely messed up my sleeping schedule, which in return messed up my entire schedule. As a result, I would stress out because I was behind schedule and I did not have the energy to catch up. Guys, do not underestimate the power of a good night's sleep.

Time batching will be your best friend. Having a set day to do similar tasks is honestly, one of the best ways to work. One day I would do all my homework for the week. The other day I would only study. One day I would do all of my house chores etc. It's much simpler and effective this way.

Having a study routine will actually help you to pull a miracle. A lot of people swear by a morning or night routine. I swear by a study/ work routine. For real... why aren't work routines more common? Once I start my routine, my brain knows its time to work and study and will not get distracted. You can read about my study routine more in detail here.

You will get fat pretty fast, so exercise. You will not have a lot of time on your hands. You no longer have breaks to play sports, you don't need to go to gym class, you probably have a car now. Your sedentary life will pretty much begin in college. And because you have the money you will start eating out or order takeout. So EAT WELL AND WORKOUT. I realized that the weeks I ate healthily, were also the weeks I was more energized. So do these 2 things religiously.

Don't be too uptight. Relax and have fun. If you're the type A, teacher's pet kind of student... don't be afraid to loosen up a little bit. After my burnout episode I understood the importance of having fun once in awhile. Turns out that going to parties, clubs, having girls night out is a fun experience and you'll look back at those memories with fond!

Start applying for internships as soon as possible. THIS. Honestly. Apply early. Finding an internship position isn't hard. But finding the right internship place that will allow you to grow and learn and at the same time get along with the culture is MUCH MUCH MUCH harder! So take your time finding an internship. Go to as many interviews as you can. Don't accept the first internship position because it's the first you got. Look at it objectively and talk to others that work in that company. I had the opportunity to work for 2 days under the guidance of another intern before saying yes. Ask for a similar opportunity so you can test the waters before accepting the internship offer.

Taking care of yourself is harder than you think. Develop a routines. Stick to those routines. Develop a personal hygiene routine. A workout routine. Eat healthy. These things are easier said than done. Constantly work on these things. If you let one fall, others will start falling too. Self care is a work in progress so never stop improving yourself no matter how many deadlines you have!

Older students are a godsend. If you want to hear a goddamn unbiased opinion, please refer to an older student. The administration or professor might tell you a process or application goes a certain way, but the older students that went through it, know better as they literally had to go through it. The advice they will give you will be more practical than the advice the professors can give you. So listen to them carefully. They will also be able to help you with tips for exams, summaries or explaining. So be friends with them too!

Get a mentor. I was lucky enough to find 2 excellent mentors in my college journey. I became good friends with one of my professors, and she was the one that taught me all I know about personal investing. Honestly, she was the real MVP. Amazing professor, explanations were top notch, and really enjoyed her work. The second one, was my thesis coach. She helped me built my business and her expertise in the field helped me a lot in starting up. Don't be afraid to ask your professors or experts in the field to help you get started! Sometimes, they are eager to pass what they know unto someone. You got nothing to lose!

[elegiesforshiva]

Kind of wondering if you are planning on publishing anything related to Ghosts as in recently, especially because it seems to be a long time, and... I have a few questions as in the timeline, like, when was Sakura assaulted and how many years go by you know. Really excited to read your answer and even more excited about reading more Ghosts, I just discovered it and IM OBSESSED

Hi anon im so sorry i took so long to respond to this !!!!!!!!!!! i feel like it was one of those weeks where i'm constantly doing shit and somehow I still haven't spent a minute of it actually being productive lmfao OKAY!!!!!! so to start off with the timeline...hmmmmmm... my memory might be failing me, it's been awhile since I've written Ghosts or paid real attention to my first beginning notes, but I think I wanted Sakura's sexual assault to have taken place after Sasuke attacked the kage summit and also tried to kill her and like all of team 7, but her especially. And I also wanted it to be before the war actually started. I think I had wanted her to be like 16 or 17. As for how many years go by... I know I was planning for them to be 24 or 25 in the present day of the fic... canon ended when they were 17? 18? Something like that, so I had planned for Sasuke to have been venturing for some time before returning to Konoha. (I think in canon it ended up only being like a year or two though... I didn't think I knew that at the time I wrote what I did. I remember Kishimoto was still publishing info concerning the main series. As for Ghosts!! I can't say for sure, at one point I was really certain I'd continue, and sometimes I still am, but either way I think my road to where that journey ends will look very different from what I had planned at the start... I think on that piece all the time, I have a lot of investment in it, but I don't always know where I want to go with it...I had an outline but sometimes I wonder if I should change it. I had really wanted to at least follow the canon storyline, but I think I may end up straying from it all if I continue. I love Kishimoto's story, but I don't think it talks about the scope of my needs and wants from these characters, and Ghosts was always about exploring the infinity of that gap tbh... don't see why the resolution should be different (anymore, at least.) Idk!!! It's a very big "well, we'll see" lol. I may write more for that series, I may not. These days I'm just trying to live tbh, I feel isolated from a lot of resources I need and my brain just feels like fucking soup; I struggle with finding the poetry and colorful articulation that I need for writing right now. I've been giving my love for art more these days, but I don't think I'll ever truly part from either craft. They're both deeply necessary ways of how I breathe in this world, and are as much of a joy as they are necessities. But I'm sorry, this has a lot of tangents, I just want to say I'm really grateful you like Ghosts this much, I always lose my mind when people leave notes and love on that fic, like it's crazy that I'm still hearing about how people enjoy this impulse project I made like years later.... I love that fic, I love every one of it's readers, I love hearing comments like these... thank you so fucking much. I'm sorry if this answer wasn't what you wanted to hear or if I didn't answer your questions correctly, please know you're always welcomed to ask more or give your own thoughts!!! And thank you so much for reading my work and giving me this piece of love 💕 💞 💓 💗 ����🥰🥰🥰🥰

[grace-sully]

You’re Safe Now

Pairing: JJ x Reader

Warnings: mentions of rape and swearing. 

!! This topic is a very serious matter and may find this disturbing or triggering to read so do be warned. If you feel uncomfortable reading, please don't feel bad for leaving and going to read something else.

Word count: 2,407

Summary: You’re a kook and you and JJ have recently broken it off, so Sarah persuades you to go out to a party to try and get over him. 

A/N: i know pogues and kooks don’t usually go to house parties together but let’s just pretend they do in this

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The weight she felt is back. Well, it never really left her. It was just numbed with the excessive amount of alcohol that she consumed, leaving her with a pain in her head and the all known feelings of sharp and sudden pangs in her chest. 

 The pain was unusual to her, as before, heartbreak was a mystery. But now it's only gotten worse. The swooping sensation in her stomach has risen and has the feeling that everything is slowed down, as if running in water has hit rock bottom.

 Sarah has checked on her multiple times in the past week but she just wanted to be alone. Alone to her thoughts. Thoughts on why he left. Crying, sleeping, drinking and thinking about him had been the only tasks she could bring herself to do. But was that really helping her? It didn't seem to be, but the pain of seeing someone else who was happy, and them not feeling what she was, hurt her the most. She knew once Sarah left her room she would go out and live her life like normal and be happy, so why couldn't she be like that?

 Staring at the ceiling, Y/N heard two faint knocks on the door, followed by it opening. She didn't bother to look because she knew it would be her best friend coming to check up on her like she has done almost every day for the past week. Trying to get her to do the basic tasks of showering, eating and drinking anything other than what her parents had in their liquor cabinet and cupboards.

"Y/N? How are you feeling?" Sarah asked cautiously as she made her way to sit beside her on the side of the bed. Ignoring her, Y/N just sat up and lent against the headboard and played with her hands that were seated in her lap.

"Listen, I know you're not in the mood, but I think it will be a really good idea for you to come out with me tonight." Continuing to ignore her, Sarah sighed and began speaking again, "there's not gunna be a lot of people there, the Kooks are just throwing a small thing, close friends, and a couple of Tourons, so you can get your mind off of him. You can shower, get changed and leave the house to get some fresh air. It will do you good."

Y/N wanted to disagree with her, she really did. But deep down she knew Sarah was right. Staying in bed and feeling sorry for herself wouldn't get her over him and fix her. She wouldn't heal and forget about him if I didn't carry on living her life. 

Looking up at her best friend, positioned beside her on the bed, she sent her a small nod and returned the intense gaze she had back to her hands on her lap.

"Okay, I'll run you a shower," she said enthusiastically as she stood up and walked towards the bathroom that was connected to the bedroom.

An hour later, Y/N and Sarah stepped along the sidewalk outside of the big kook house that held the party. Sarah said the party was going to be small, with hardly any people. But boy was she wrong. Y/N instantly regretted her decision to go and started backing up, stepping away from the house and its loud music further wishing to be tucked under the covers of her bed.

"Y/N! I'm so sorry, I honestly thought it was going to be small, I guess the word got out." Sarah saw her movements and grabbed her hand before she could go anywhere.

"It’s okay," Y/N returned in such a quiet voice she was surprised she could be heard. Sarah gave her a small smile and began to lead her into the house.

The music was so loud that it made her skin tingle and her lungs feel like mush. Not that that was how she was already feeling anyway. Over the roar of music, a distant, hazy chatter could be heard. She couldn't make out any words, but laughter rang in her ears and wouldn't seem to stop. A simple task that she found extremely hard to do in the past couple days. She found it sad that she couldn't bring herself to laugh, but couldn't blame herself. All she is, is sadness, every other emotion pushed from her being. 

Following Sarah through the house, being held by her arm, they made it to the kitchen, where Sarah poured herself and Y/N a drink. Gladly accepting. Neither of them knew what it was made of but it tasted good. As she was taking a sip, letting the familiar feeling of the alcohol travel down her throat, she again felt her arm being pulled and led away from the kitchen making her feet follow.

Weaving in-between masses of people, they finally arrived at a group of people Y/N recognised as Sarah’s friends from her classes, some she knew from hanging out, others she had never spoken to but were friendly nonetheless. Sending everyone a friendly but emotionless smile to be polite, she ignores all of their conversations, sipping her drink quietly to herself and falling back into the recent familiar state of feeling alone.

Looking around at the people in the crowded room, it is full of kooks, tourons and pogues. Everyone is feeding off of the smiles and fast drinking. It's wall to wall of people dancing to the music or standing in individual groups, chatting, drinking and playing games. There's no room for any more people to go. One of the busiest parties Y/N has ever seen. 

Then she sees him.

Stealing her breath and the heat from her skin. He was sitting on the edge of a sofa across the room from her, staring at his beer bottle that was in his hands. Wearing his signature grey board shorts, his classic grey, sleeveless shirt and his old worn out boots that she had to move one too many times for being in the way, thrown on her bedroom floor.

He had dark circles under his eyes and the few day stubble decorating his jaw, told her he also hasn't been looking after himself. The obvious weight loss could be seen around his neck and face making his jawline look more prominent and his neck even smaller. 

Surrounded by the pogues, she could tell that he too, wasn't invested in the party he was at, and all of the conversations happening around him. His expression was of one being forced to endure an unpleasant odour. Was he being forced there too? Was he hurting just as much as she was? With her mind wondering, other questions popped into her head. Did Sarah know he was going to be here? Is that why she made her come? 

Y/N knew Sarah had been seeing John B (not that anyone else was supposed to know) so was this all one big plan that they came up with to get the two of them back together again?

Her eyes slowly began to fill with tears as she continued to watch him. Watch his movements. Watch his hands move around the bottle in his hands while trying to remove the paper on its side. Watching his eyes move as people walk past him or sit down around him. 

Before she began to cry in front of everyone and he could see her, Y/N stood to her feet and walked away making her way through the masses of people to find an empty section of the house. 

Just as she made it out of the crowd of people and into an empty hallway, the wall of tears burst like water from a dam, falling down her face. She felt the muscles of her chin tremble like a small child and looked toward the window, as if the moon light could soothe her. She hears her own sounds, like a distressed child, raw from the inside. It takes something out of her I didn't know she had left to give. 

The door to the room next to her began to open, making her quickly wipe away the excess tears that were down her cheeks and taking a deep breath in to try and calm her rapid breathing. Looking at her reflection through the window that was opposite the door, she could see two heavily intoxicated guys stumble out of a bedroom, followed by Rafe Camron.

She didn't know what was going on inside of the room, but she knew it was something to do with drugs by the way all three mens pupils were dilated and all had slight residue of white powder around their noses.

He was wearing the usual kook fashion that most at the party dressed in, of khaki shorts and pink and white polo shirt as well as his signature slicked back hair style. He was drunk, but not as much his friend who he was just with. 

His blue eyes followed the other two as they stumbled down the corridor,still standing in the doorway before he landed his eyes on Y/N. He continued to stare, making her so uncomfortable that she began to turn away, to find another quiet place in the house to be alone.

“Y/N right? Sarah's friend?” he asked, stopping her by positioning his body to block the route she was going to take back to the party.

"Uh yeah, but I, I need to um.. I need to go and find Sarah now," she stuttered quietly, cursing at herself for how obvious the discomfort in her voice was. Not wanting to get into a conversation of why she's crying to the person who hates the pogues, and more specifically JJ, the most. 

“You know, I've alway had a thing for you,” Rafe’s raspy voice said, looking down on her. Watching her every move without taking a blink. She backed herself more into the wall, a way of hiding from him. He stalked after her, trapping her. She felt the walls begin to close in every step Rafe took. “But I lost all respect for you when I heard you got with that dirty pogue.”

“Please Rafe, just let me go” she felt more tears burn in her eyes and they began to fall. 

“Now now, don’t cry,” Rafe cooed, shivering when she felt the rough texture of his hands brushing a stray tear from her face with the other hand slightly above her hip. Her body automatically tried to get away from his but his tight grip on my body only made it harder. Pinning her further into the wall.

“I haven’t got laid in awhile,” Rafe said. Y/N’s stomach dropped to the ground. 

Y/N let out a choked sob. “Please,” she pleaded again.

Her watery eyes enlarged and the hairs on the nape of her neck stood up from fear. She tried to scream or make any sort of noise to gain the attention of anyone, but the inside of her mouth lacked any moisture and a croak was all that could make it past her lips. She felt the panic begin like a cluster of spark plugs in her abdomen. 

Rafe placed a chaste kiss on her neck, his stubby fingers curled in her hair and he still had his body pressed against hers against the wall.

Out of nowhere, a balled fist collided with Rafe’s cheekbone, flinging his neck backward like a willow caught in the wind. He stumbled backwards, releasing his body from the terrified girls, rubbing his cheek with his palm. 

“Rafe, what the fuck?” a girl’s voice shouted. Sarah. Y/N collapsed to the floor trying to take in air through her trembling body. Sarah following trying to help calm the petrified girl on the floor

“JJ! Get off of him, you made your point!” another familiar voice shouted. John B.

Looking up through watery eyes she saw the commotion that was unfolding in front of her.

JJ.  

He saved her from Rafe as if he could hear her silent prayers and pleads.

She saw as John B held a struggling JJ from attacking an already bruised and bloody Rafe led on the floor trying to pull himself up.

“Rafe just leave” you heard Sarah say from beside you, as she continued to stroke Y/N’s back.

Gazing over at JJ, his menacing eyes were a blazing red staring at the man as he walked back to the main party. His head tilted down making the rest of his features indistinguishable.

As Rafe left, John B let go of the angry teen and he instantly made his way to her. Before she could draw in the air her body desperately needed, JJ knelt down on her other side and helped her up with help from Sarah.

Standing with his support, she melted into his form. Feeling his firm torso and the heart that beats within. His hands are folded around her back, drawing her in closer. She can feel her body shake. Releasing the current event and seeing him and touching him for the first time since they broke up.

Sarah backed up and clung to John B as tears welled in her eyes as she watched the girl in JJ’s arms. She always saw Y/N as this tough Kook who wouldn’t take shit from anyone. And seeing her best friend so vulnerable at the hands of someone she trusted, hurt.

JJ pulls his head back and wipes the tears that fell from Y/N’s eyes with his callous fingers. Even the roughness of his fingertips brings more relief then her heart can hold. He is eating her with his eyes, running his hand through her Y/H/C hair.

"Hey, hey, it's okay.. you're safe now," he spoke in a quiet hushed voice. Kissing her forehead like they would always do to each other to try and calm themselves down.

In that moment all she could think about was him. Why they broke up and went their separate ways in the first place. It's as if all that love became pain, pain became fear and the fear sowed hatred. Hatred strong enough to break them. Ironic isn't it. Maybe that's the way things go, a strong hate to break a strong love.

"Thank you"

[fan-fantasies]

Christmas Miracle (Kim Hongjoong)

Prompts?: “Come and kiss me baby, we don’t need no mistletoe” -Ariana Grande (Wit it This Christmas)

“The best way to spread Christmas cheer is singing loud for all to hear.” -Elf

Paring?: hongjoong x reader

warnings?: swearing, situations of drinking, (i think thats it)

A/N: Hey everyone, so i’m pretty nervous to post this, it’s been awhile since i last posted something. I’ve been struggling with some mental health situations which left me unmotivated and overall not myself. So i’m hoping that this turns out as good as i think it is. I write this for an Ateez Winter prompt, I thought why not start of the year with something wholesome? Anyways, I hope you guys enjoy this as much as i enjoyed writing it. <3 Breezy

Winter was a beautiful season, the snow, the pretty Christmas decorations that seemed to be everywhere you looked. You wouldn’t say that you hated winter, seeing it was the best time of year for hot chocolate in front of a fire or curling up under warm blankets for a movie night in. Though for the love of all things, why did it have to be so cold?! 

The wind blew on your walk to class, after your car neglected to start due to the frigid temperatures, there was no other option but to bundle up and walk the small distance to your university. At least it wasn’t snowing but the dark clouds were telling a different story. What a wonderful day today was going to be. You decided that maybe a warm cup of hot coco would help your day get better, there was a small cafe right by the school that you had never had time to stop before but today seemed to be the day. The cafe was quiet, the soft sound of the radio kept it from being too quiet. At the register was a fairly tall man, dark hair that was pushed to the side so it wouldn't cover his eyes. His name tag read, 'San'. When he saw you he spoke cheerfully, greeting you with a warm smile.

"Good morning! What can I get for you?" He cheerfully asks causing you to cringe a bit. It was too early.

"Hi " you spoke softly, "can I get a medium hot chocolate?” you order now returning a smile. As you prepared to take out your wallet, he stops you.

“It's on the house," he says, "it seems like you need it." His smile never left his face. You honestly couldn't tell if it was fake or if he just loved his job that much.

"Hongjoong, one hot cocoa!" He shouts to his coworker who stood by the machines seemingly already working on it. From where you stood, Hongjoong was shorter than his co-worker, his hair a dark brown and, to be honest, looked soft. You couldn't see his face but you wished you could.

While you wait, San kept a light conversation going, seeing as he had no customers, not like you minded.

"Where are you heading off too?" He asked curiously.

"Well I'm heading to one of my classes at the university. Art history." You tell him honestly.

His eyes light up hearing that class, "Then you likely know Wooyoung!" he exclaims, “He's our roommate."

San motions towards Hongjoong. “Well one of our roommates, we share an apartment with a few friends." San glances in the direction of his coworker who was hard at work.

He spoke quietly, "do you think I could get your number?" You were surprised at how forward he was.

Your expression made him chuckle, "Not for me silly, Joong over there has been sneaking glances at you, and I've seen your eyes wander too," he teases, "he's just a little nervous to get out there." San explained quietly hoping his friend didn't hear the conversation. Typically you weren't one for giving your number out but you had to admit his friend was cute... 

"yeah, give me something to write it down" you say, your cheeks starting to feel warm. The male smiled widely before handing you a piece of receipt paper. You scribbled your number down quickly and handed it to the dark haired boy, who quickly took it and hid it before his friend came over with your drink. Your eyes finally met his, your heart nearly leapt out of your chest. 

His eyes were a dark brown, he was wore large rimmed glassed that only seemed to make him even more adorable if that was physically possible. His hair was parted in the middle, slightly showing off his forehead but it honestly framed his face wonderfully. Your train of thought was broken when you heard San speak up,

“We have to see you again! Now you better go before you’re late for class!” He exclaims which reminded you that, in fact, you had class to get to. 

“Thank you San, thank you Hongjoong.” You spoke quietly with a shy smile before leaving the cafe and heading down the street. Even with the unexpected stop, you were still making great time and were able to make it to class with five minutes to spare. 

“(Y/n)!” You heard the familiar hyper voice yell. You glanced up seeing Wooyoung waving excitedly in your direction. He always acted if you never saw each other. 

“Good morning Woo.” You say with a warm smile. You sat in the seat beside him, as you always did, and he was quick to notice the cup that you had sat down. 

“You stopped at a cafe?” He questioned curiously, he knew you hardly ever stopped. 

“Yeah, my car didn’t start this morning so I had to walk. I decided to stop to get something to warm me up a little.” You say with a chuckle. Your eyes scanned over the cup briefly only for you to now notices the small flower doodles and hearts on the part where they typically wrote the name for the order.

Wooyoung must have also noticed cause he gasped at it, “Awe!” Wooyoung was always so giddy when it come to you, especially if it had to do with you potentially dating. This man was absolutely invested in getting you into a relationship. 

“Did you get the name of the barista?” He questioned trying to get as much information as possible. 

You giggle at his question, “Yeah, I did.” You smile softly, “Also, I’m pretty sure San wanted me to say hi to you.” You say with a smirk. His eyes lit up like a Christmas tree. You had never seen him so happy about something in his life. 

“It was San?!” He nearly shrieked trying to keep his voice down. 

“No, it wasn’t San. Though he was really trying to set one of your friends up with me.” You looked down at your hands shyly. “His name was Hongjoong.” This time Wooyoung couldn’t hold back the squeal that escaped him. 

He prepared to speak but was cut off when the professor began to start speaking. You instantly went into, what you liked to call, note taking mode. This was one of your favorite classes and you found it the most interesting out of all of them, so of course you were going to pay attention. 

Midway through the class you felt Woo gently poke your side, carefully sliding a small note to you. What was this? Eighth grade? 

‘So Hongjoong? ;)’ Was written on the note, you knew telling him about his friends was likely a bad idea… 

‘What about him?’ You wrote back, carefully sliding the note back. You knew Wooyoung was trying to hold back his excitement. 

When the note slide back you weren’t surprised to see what he had written. ‘What do you think of him?” 

You rolled your eyes at this, ‘IDK, he seems nice? I didn’t really get a chance to talk with him.’ You quickly wrote before passing it back, now fully focusing on the professors lecture. Wooyoung must have seen that you wanted to focus, cause he never passed the note back. 

The class went by slowly, though you didn’t really mind. It almost made you forget crappy your day had started out. 

Once the professor dismissed everyone, Wooyoung was at your side talking again. 

“You should come to our Christmas party!” He suggested, “It’s just us, we watch movies and just have a good time. Maybe you can talk to my buddy Hongjoong a little.” He teased with a wink. 

You both exited the classroom, through the hallway windows you could see that snow had indeed begun to fall. 

You groan in discontentment. “Why did my car have to stop working today?” You mumble watching the snow fall from the sky. 

“You can’t walk home in this! You’re going to catch cold.” He says, “I bet one of the guys would bring you home!” He pulls out his cell phone, “San and Hongjoong should be getting out of work soon. They could come pick you up.” He says tapping away at his phone.

“I don’t want to inconvenience them, I’ll just take the bus.” You tell him, he shook his head. Continuing to type away on his phone. 

“Too late, San already agreed. He said him and Hongjoong would pick you up outside the main building in 15 minutes.” Wooyoung giggled, a cute smile on his face.  

“Fine and I’ll think about your offer for the Christmas party.” The both of you hug before parting ways. 

Your walk to the main building was pretty quiet, most students were in their classes only a few stragglers wandered around. Likely, they too, were done with classes or meeting with professors before their final deadlines come up. To be honest, you hadn't thought much about them. 

You glanced out the front door, not daring to go outside unless you needed to. A few cars sat idling in the parking lot, Wooyoung neglected to tell you what type of car they drove. You stood there for a bit, in your back pocket your phone buzzed. A new text message.

You opened it, no name had come up so whoever it was you didn't have their number.

"this is San! " the text started with, "this is Hongjoongs phone so you should save his number." he had said, adding a winky face at the end. "Anyways, we are outside the silver Toyota." you glance out and the car seemed to pull up. Perfect timing you thought to yourself. You held your jacket close as you walked out into the cold, the snow seemed to be falling even more then before. You sped walked to the car, opening the backseat door, you were oddly surprised at how clean it was.

"hey (y/n)!" San enthusiastically says from the passenger seat. Hongjoong also greeted you but in a much quieter fashion.

"hi, I really appreciate you giving me a ride. I probably would have frozen solid if I had to walk." you say with a small laugh.

"I don't mind," Hongjoong spoke softly as he began to pull out of the parking lot. You told him your address and he headed in that direction. San made sure to keep the conversation going, he reminded you so much of Woo.

"How long have you known Wooyoung?" You curiously ask the two males.

"Well, Woo and I went to high school together. then we met this one when we moved in for university." San spoke happily, it was honestly kind of sweet.

 Hongjoong nodded in agreement, "If I would have known you two were so crazy I wouldn't have moved in." He teased with a smirk planted on his face. San gasped trying his best to act offended. This made you giggle, these two were insane, but you loved it.

The drive to your apartment was filled with stories and jokes. Maybe taking Wooyoungs offer would be fun. You thanked them both before exiting the car and heading to your apartment. You took off your coat and shoes before further entering your apartment. Your phone began to vibrate in your back pocket as you headed towards your room.

 The caller ID read, Wooyoung.

You answer. " yes Woo?" you asked enter your room and sitting at your desk.

"how was your ride?" he questioned in a teasing manner. 

You rolled your eyes,"it was great. San told me a lot of stories." you tease back.

Wooyoung was quiet for a few moments. "Nothing new," he calmly says, " Have you thought about the party?" 

" yeah, I've thought about it" you begin.' I think it could be fun... " you nearly dropped your phone at the sound of Woo young's shriek. This man was to excitable..

"the party is next weekend , well, we usually start Friday night but you can come by on Saturday, "he says cheerfully.

"I'll come by on Friday, I'll just crash on your couch or something." you weren't opposed to sleeping on the couch or floor.

"Or maybe you can share a bed with Hongjoong." you could practically hear him smirking but his comment made you blush none the less.

"Shut up Woo, don't make me regret this." 

He chuckled, "I promise you wont, I gotta go I'll see you in class tomorrow." The overly excited man hung up the phone leaving you in silence.

"That guys gonna be the death of me." you mumble to yourself before standing and continuing to do your afternoon routine.

The week passed by in a blur. Other than your work, the party was always on your mind. You weren't typically one for parties but maybe this could be fun.

Woo told you that you would go to his place after your class, his roomie Jongho was going to bring you..

"Are you excited for tonight? " Wooyoung questions as the two of you exited the lecture hall. Even after an exhausting class, he still somehow managed to have so much energy.

"Yes, I'm excited. I’ve never honestly been to any kind of party like this before.” You admit with a small sigh. Wooyoung let out a giggle, he gently grabbed you and continued to walk with you down the corridor. 

“Well then this will be even more fun!” He exclaims, “You’ll love everyone, we can be a little crazy but I think you’ll get along with them. If you don’t, well I’m sure Hongjoong would bring you up to his room where it’s quiet.” He teased as he gently nudged your side. You smiled at his teasing tone but didn’t say anything else. You knew Woo was planning something, you just weren’t sure what it was he was planning. 

As he had said, Jongho was waiting for the both of you in his car. Another figure in the car in the passenger seat. 

“Hey Jongho! Yunho!” Wooyoung exclaims as he gets into the car, you followed suit. “Guys this is (Y/n)! They’re in my art history class.” He says to his friends. The one driving, who you assumed was Jongho gave you a hello, while the other one gave you the brightest smile. 

“Hey there! I’m Yunho!” His energy almost matched Wooyoung’s which honestly kind of scared you but not in a bad way. You giggle at his enthusiasm but didn’t say anything in return. You let the two goofy friends chat about the plans for tonight, while you and Jongho sat in silence listening to them. 

“We have to make one stop before we go back to the apartment.” Jongho says as he pulled into the parking lot of a small store. 

He parked the car, “I’ll be right back.” He says as he exits the car and rushing into the store, likely so his friends wouldn’t do something stupid in his car. You honestly believed that these two would be capable of doing something stupid like that.

The two continued to joke, as if Jongho hadn’t left the car. 

“Come on (Y/n)! Tell him what happened at the cafe.” Wooyoung whined as he playfully nudged you. 

“Wait the cafe where we work?” Yunho questions with the biggest grin on his face. Wooyoung nods his head excitedly. 

“Come on Woo, don’t make me tell him.” You beg looking at your friend who had the biggest shit eating grin. 

“If you don’t, I will.” He teases hoping that his words might honestly push you to tell the story. When you kept your mouth shut he took that as his cue that he would be telling it for you. 

“San was trying to set her up with Hongjoong.” This news made Yunho giggle happily. Did all of his friends really want to set you up with Hongjoong? They hardly knew you. 

Before the story continued, the drivers side door opened and Jongho sat down into his seat. He handed the bag to Yunho who was still giggling like crazy. You would have figured Jongho would have questioned but he just silently began to drive again. This was going to be an interesting night…

You had been at their apartment for about an hour and honestly you were sure that this was just pure chaos. It had started with the nine of you but eventually nine turned to ten and ten turned into eighteen. Someone, who you honestly assumed was San, had invited Changbin, who in turn invited his eight rowdy friends. Put the two groups of friends together to have a purely chaotic party. 

Currently you were all listening to upbeat Christmas music, dancing together like it honestly didn’t matter. Most of you were drinking, leaving poor Jeongin and Jongho out seeing as though they were technically underage but it honestly seemed like they weren’t interested in the booze since you knew if they wanted to drink they could have just asked. 

You weren’t much of a drinker but tonight, you decided to let loose a little, drinking enough just to make your head spin a little. 

A cup in hand you danced and sung along with Han and Wooyoung to the upbeat music, you were all sharing giggles having just a good time. All you wanted to do is dance. Wooyoung continued to glance at Han, you believed they were being sneaky but you could easily see through them. What were they planning?

The more you danced with them, the closer they seemed to get to you, not like you minded. Though Woo was your best friend, you found him attractive anyone with eyes would agree and Han was just as good looking as him. Though you were sure, Woo knew his limits and would make sure nothing happened to you. 

You heard a laugh beside you as you and Wooyoung shouted along to the Christmas song that played. You looked over to see Yeosang and Hyunjin, who seemed really entertained by the show that was being put on. 

“What?!” You shout to them over the loud music, “The best way to spread Christmas cheer is singing loud for all to hear!” You shout to them only causing them to laugh. 

“Come on Yeosang! Hyunjin! Join us!” You say to them holding out your arm. They only laughed again before walking in the opposite direction. You look at Wooyoung and pout but continued dancing none the less. 

Wooyoung leaned closer, whispering in your ear, “Guess who won’t stop looking at you.” He whispered in a singsong voice. You glanced over your shoulder and sure enough Hongjoong was glancing at you from across the room as he seemed to be in a conversation with Seonghwa and Chris. His averted his gaze back to the two he was talking with. 

“What are you planning Woo?” You question glancing back at your friend who seemed to have a mischievous glint in his eye. 

“Don’t worry too much, me and Han are going to help you.” You wanted to question what he meant but both Woo and Han took your arm leading you to the empty couch to sit. Once you sat down, the music was turned down and everyone seemed to gather around sitting in the empty chairs and the floor. You felt Han place his arm over your shoulder casually, you knew he meant nothing by it. 

“Usually around now we would watch some cheesy Christmas movies, but it seems we have more guests than usual.” San chuckled knowing that this was his doing. The room erupted in chatter about how they really wanted to watch movies. 

“Put on a movie!” Felix shouted from his seat on the floor. The rest of the room agreed. 

San rolled his eyes, “Fine! We watch the same movies every year so thats what we will watch.” Everyone in the room cheered excitedly as Yeosang turned the TV on preparing it for their movie marathon. Wooyoung got up from his seat, leaving you and Han alone on the couch. You suspected this was part of the plan. 

Han leaned closer to you, “Play along, but let me know if you’re uncomfortable.” He whispered in your ear. You honestly thought that while he was enacting this plan with Wooyoung, that he wanted you to be comfortable above all. You nod slightly and lean back against the couch, his arm was still casually thrown over your shoulder though he made sure to sit a bit closer to you. It was at that moment, you knew exactly what they were doing. They were trying to make Hongjoong jealous enough to make a move. You laid your head on Han’s shoulder, playing along with their idea to set you up. You continued to sip at your drink as someone turned off the lights and started the movie. The seat beside you stayed vacant for some time until Wooyoung returned, it was clear though that he didn’t want to take this seat. 

The movie went on, you were likely halfway through the movie when you felt a sickening feeling in your stomach. 

“Woo where’s your bathroom?” You asked quietly not to disturb anyone else. 

He glanced at you, “Down that hallway, the last door on the left. Are you okay?” He questioned, concern in his soft voice. 

“Yeah, I-I just don’t feel too good.” You say honestly before standing from your seat, carefully stepping over everyone on the floor and speed walking down the hallway. You threw the bathroom door open, closing it gently before rushing towards the toilet. Falling to the floor you threw up into the toilet, a few stray tears fell down your cheeks just from the burning in your throat. 

There was a knock on the bathroom door, “(Y/n)?” A voice you weren’t expecting to hear called, you went to answer but instead vomiting again. Through your dry heaves you heard the door slowly open and close gently. There were no words spoken as Hongjoong walked behind you and held you hair away from your face. It was a sweet gesture that would have made your heart skip a beat if you weren’t sitting here vomiting. You felt his other hand gently rub your back in hopes to maybe sooth you. 

When you were sure that the contents of your stomach was empty you sat back against your heels. 

“I-I’m sorry you had to see me like this Hongjoong.” You whisper softly, your throat sore from throwing up. There was long period of silence but it wasn’t an uncomfortable one. 

“Don’t be sorry, it happens.” He speaks softly, his voice calm and soothing. “Let me go get you some water and some mouth wash.” He chuckled softly before quietly leaving the room. 

You stood yourself up, supporting yourself against the counter as your felt light headed. You looked at yourself in the mirror, cheeks flushed from the tears that had fallen from your eyes. You looked like a disheveled mess. 

The bathroom door carefully opened again, Hongjoong entered with a cup of water and what you assumed was a bottle of mouthwash. He carefully handed you the cup, with shaky hands your first sip was to hopefully rinse this awful taste out of your mouth. The rest you carefully drank in hopes to sooth your hurting throat. 

“I’ll leave you to clean yourself up…” Hongjoong trailed as he turned to leave. 

“W-Wait, Hongjoong,” you began, “Will you wait for me outside the door? I’m feeling a bit dizzy.” You tell him.

He glanced back at you, a cute smile on his face. “Of course.” He left the room closing the door behind him. 

You took a few minutes to clean yourself up and be slightly more presentable before you slowly exiting the bathroom. As you had asked, Hongjoong waited for you. He offered you his arm, which you happily accepted. 

“C-Can I sit with you?” You quietly ask as you walked down the hallway together. 

He was quiet, “You don’t want to sit with Wooyoung and Han?” 

You giggled, did the plan actually work. “Why? Are you jealous?” You tease, a noticeable blush appearing on his cheeks. That gave you your answer. He didn’t particularly answer your question but when you got to the living room he brought you to his spot on the floor. You must have been gone for some time cause another movie had begun. Before you knew it, you were snuggling into his side, your eyes becoming heavy as you drifted to sleep. 

When you woke up you were in a completely different room, one you didn’t recognize. You tried to remember what had happened before you fell asleep, you remembered the movie and throwing up in front of Hongjoong. He was likely the reason you were in this bed. A soft snore snapped you from your thoughts, you carefully looked over your shoulder as saw Hongjoong. He was laying on his back, hair disheveled but it was cute. You carefully turn to face him, gently you place your head on his chest cuddling into him. His arm moved, wrapping itself around you holding you close. This felt so right… 

Hongjoong shifted underneath you, you glanced up to his face watching as his eyes flutter open. A blush appeared on his cheeks as he locked eyes with you. 

“Good morning.” You mumble softly a blush also appearing on your cheeks. Your heart was beating a mile a minute as you looked into each other eyes. A mental argument went on inside your head, should you make a move? Or just gaze into his eyes? You had a feeling that he was thinking the same thing. You sat there for what seemed like hours until his hand gently touched your cheek. His thumb gently rubbing against your cheek, the gesture was sweet but it was more than that… You shifted upwards, the both of your lips barely touching. 

“C-Can I kiss you?” He mumbles softly, his eyes never leaving yours. You didn’t answer, instead you leaned up and connected your lips together softly. Neither of you moved until Hongjoong deepened the kiss. His hand gently caressed your cheek as you shared this soft kiss. You pulled away slowly, your eyes locking once again. He sat up, his back now leaning against the headboard pulling you up with him as he once again locked lips with you. The hand on your cheek now rested on the back of your neck deepening the kiss. 

A loud crash caused the both of you to pull away. 

“What was that?” You question. 

Hongjoong sighed softly, “It’s more like who and I know exactly who it is.” He mumbled as he stayed close to you. 

“Sh-Should we go check on them?” You ask not particularly wanting to move from the position you were in. You squealed as he pulled you onto his lap to straddle his hips, his hands rested on your waist and yours wrapped gently around his neck. Your forehead again rested against his, your lips gently brushing against his again. You two would have likely kissed again if Hongjoongs bedroom door didn’t swing open causing the both of you to jump. Wooyoung stood there, the biggest shit eating grin ever imaginable on his face. 

“Wooyoung, get out.” You tell your friend, a threatening look in your eye that clearly sent a message to him cause he quickly shut the door and left you alone.

“That man really knows how to ruin a moment.” You say with a giggle as you looked at a flustered Hongjoong. “I think we should go check on them…” He gave you a nod, gently pecking your lips before you got up from the bed. 

You grabbed his hand gently as you both left his room, fully prepared to be teased by all of his friends. Which you were, though mostly it was his roommates being happy to see him with someone. The other nine boys, who must have crashed in the living room, joined them in being excited. Though Han was with you, saying that he was happy to see the two of you together. It was honestly kinda sweet seeing everyone so happy. 

The rest of the morning was spent eating a sweet breakfast that Wooyoung and Seonghwa made together, apparently this too was a tradition. You all sat around the living room, telling stories, laughing and genuinely enjoying the company of others. You were lucky enough to secure a spot on the couch next to Hongjoong, while San sat on the other side of you. It was nice to be able to cuddle into his side even if you were surrounded by everyone. 

Eventually the conversation seemed to shift into one that you never would have thought, it almost seemed cliche. A game of truth or dare amongst eighteen people. Well this was going to be fun.

They were harmless dares, like asking them to do silly things or things like that. It was honestly just fun amongst friends. Well, till it got to Hongjoong’s turn. 

“Alright Hongjoong, truth or dare?” Felix asked the elder who shifted in his seat. 

“Uh, dare?” He said as more of a question then answering the question. That made you giggle. 

“Well then, we all dare you to give your new girlfriend a big ol’kiss.” Some people in the room whooped and made sounds causing you to blush. He seemed hesitant unsure if you wanted to do this, his gaze locked with yours almost asking you for permission. 

You let out the smallest giggle, “Come and kiss me baby,” you say softly for only him to hear, “we don’t need no mistletoe.” You say in a teasing manner causing him to chuckle as well before leaning in and kisses you sweetly. The room erupted in cheers causing a blush to appear on your cheeks. It was a short but sweet kiss, you were sure neither of you wanted to pull away and likely you wouldn’t have if you weren’t surrounded by friends. 

The game continued on, picking fun at each other and having a good laugh. Before you knew it, everyone was getting ready to leave. Everyone said their goodbyes, Han made sure that he had contact with you cause you were pretty sure you had just made a new best friend. Once the nine boys left, you and the others continued to lounge in the living room. 

“(Y/N)!” Wooyoung shouted from the kitchen,

“What!?” You shout in return from the comfort of the couch as you laid across it with your head on Hongjoong’s lap. 

“Come help me!” You groan at his request before getting up and heading towards the kitchen. The biggest mess you had ever seen, Wooyoung was trying to bake… 

“Wooyoung, what in the world…” you begin, “Are you trying to make pie?” 

The happy boy smiled and nodded, “Yes I wanted apple pie.” He said. 

“We could have gone to the store.” 

He shook his head, “That’s no fun! Now help me, I know you know how to make apple pie.” He said. You rolled your eyes, and join him. 

“We are gonna need a few more hands, or this will take forever.” You tell Wooyoung, his eyes lit up as he rushed to the living room and came back with San and Hongjoong. 

You spent the rest of the afternoon baking with the chaos twins and Hongjoong. It was the most fun baking you had ever had. Once you put the pie in the oven, you set the timer and headed towards the living room. 

A hand grabbed yours, pulling you back, your back came in contact with a firm chest, his firm chest. His arms wrapped around you as he held you close and kissed your head. 

“I’m going to take you out tomorrow.” He says with a smile, “Where ever you want to go, I’ll take you.” He declares as he holds you close. 

“How about a coffee shop.” You say with a smirk causing him to chuckle. 

“Was their teasing not enough?” He questioned. 

You shook your head, “No.” You giggle, you glance up at him, there was a wide smile on his face. 

This was the man of your dreams, he was everything. Maybe he was your Christmas miracle.