#and it sucked so ive been trying to rework it

[pissedpupp]

heyhey i’m another disabled wheelchair user into omo and holding and all that, but i often find that my disabilities get in the way of letting me enjoy it or do it (ie: cant drink enough to get desperate, or my bladder will lock up and not let me pee when it’s time) how do you,, , like navigate stuff like that? i really wanna enjoy this kink but my body cockblocks me😭

wooo boy okay so theres a few things!

part of it for me is like, reframing. bc im not gonna be able to enact most kinks in the ways that able bodied people do so instead of hating that *i* cant do the kink, i rework the kink to fit me. like, i get REAL nauseaus REALLY easily, specifically i get ut really bad from water 🙃 so i will take it slow, or take some zofran or jist drink something else entirely.

another example is im on a medication that helps my kidneys retain water, but that means i dont really get super filled up from the amounts of water it might for an able bodied person. and on top of it all before this developed as a kink i was in pevlic floor physical therapy for urgency and pissing my pants, which kinda gave me some advantages in pissing myself on purpose

like i was told that after toddlerhood, you are ALWAYS choosing to pee. unless you have a disorder or syndrome that specifically affects your urinary tract, you are always choosing to pee. most people are just conditioned on when its acceptable to pee. so like, for example. someone who has REALLY bad urgency right before they get to the toilet has subconsciously ttained themselves to start to pee before they sit down, like a self fulfilling prophecy. if you go "oh god im not gonna make it" youre basically dooming youself. and if you do that often, youve now conditioned yourself, to the point that seeing a toilet right in front of you will give your body subconscious cues ro start to go. so someone who is trying to curb the issue i just mentioned would just wait a few seconds, or a few minutes, before sitting and peeing. (and do control exercises like kegals) until its deconditioned.

so all that being said! something im working on now is that i previously had like, 5-10 minutes after sex where i physically COULD NOT pee. and i will lose urgency while getting stimulated, so like. kinda awful for omo and related things. so ive been doing like, extremely intense (for me) and very long (many hours) holds and then sort of conditioning myself, im into edging, so ill get to the point of bursting, let out a controlled leak and then edge. or edge and then push on my bladder to be forced to leak. over and over, until either im so lost in arousal that ill be able to force myself to piss while i orgasm, or im out of pee and can now orgasm anyway. (for right now, this all happens while im sat on the toilet. less mess, and it gives my subconscious the cue to pee)

and ive made some progress! i had a few open hours and followed omo dungeon and then forved out a few big leaks while masturbating and then pissed for a VERY long time. im not anywhere near done, so if i do end up being able to pee during a sexual act its the smalled of streams. i swear i peed for a solid 90 seconds straight last night

ANYWAYS. you have to accommodate yourself. figure out what really works for you. personally soda doesnt make me have to pee but sweet tea REALLY does. i probably cant make a huge habit out of pissing myself uncontrollably because i spent a lot of time unlearning it, and while the idea of accidentally pissing myself without meaning sounds hot, as someone who has pissed themselves in public its just. real embarrassing. not in a cute way. and now that its a kink? you gotta have everyone who witnessing it give enthusiastic consent. and having genuine bladder issues really fucking sucks for like, being an adult lmao.

and so, if i decide to make this kink a regular thing in doing its gonna be a lot of pretending to wet myself, like getting to bursting but not actually truly losing control. a lot of practicing kink is actually just improv and acting im sorry to say 😬

if you wanna talk more ab it feel free to ask more questions! or dm me! im an open book! and your situation is most likely different from mine mechanically. but i can probably help you try to navigate it, might be better to have more specifics before i can give more pointed advice anyways.

as always! consent is key, dont do things that can alter your life outside the scene, and be kind to yourself if you cant fullfil the kink exactly how you want.

[sojrner-fishsticcc]

loona pm - further updates!

lots and lots of updates for this post! been trying to make roughly a post per day to not go overboard but still share what im working on cos MAN ive been absolutely going through this project! this rules!!!

so first off, very minor and later addition i finally gave loona glowing eyes! ive been meaning to do that for a while but i finally figured out how to! so yah, she looks v pretty now.

the major thing was animation. WAYYY more animation. i discovered the cpm modeling discord last night and its helped me get a really good grip on how it works (if you ever use cpm, go there because trust me you are not going to figure this stuff out on your own.) so heres just a big list of poses i animated (still a lot left! ahh!!!)

 - walk cycle (improved!) now looking at it after looking away from it for a while it looks a lil goofy so i might rework it at some point but god i cant get over how nice that digitigrade cycle looks.

 - run cycle! (omg its so cool im so so happy with how it came out) like seriously. i am so so proud of this. some of the hair bobbing and the chest and head movements are a bit stiff so i will probably improve on them. still, this is absolutely the part im the most proud of.

 - jumping (meshes super well with running anim, a bit buggy when falling long distances but thats a bug with cpm itself) i recorded this one in game since AHGHHHH it looks so cool in context. the running-jumps are rad as hell.

 - sneaking and sneak walking. like the running, i cant get over how the digitigrade walk cycle here looks. it has a lot of bone clipping that is probably not anatomically correct nor comfortable but whatever. it looks cool and i like it. sneaking is still buggy, so i cant do things like spam the shift key as that little “hello!” thing that some people do, because cpm has some issues switching between poses instantly, so here when crouchign for a split second it displays the default crouch but then corrects itself making it bug out. that sucks but i dont really know if theres much i can do about it.

- punching/swinging with both hands! more of a minor thing, but hey these little details are super important. id love to figure out if i could make a context thing so that it makes a full horizontal swing when holding a sword or weapon. (i didnt feel like recording a gif for this just believe me bro.)

thats about all i have so far. i plan to do much more and fix some minor bugs like symmetry in walk cycles soon but its a bit difficult. also, not only animation got an overhaul- i also finally implemented proper armor mapping that’s compatible with (hopefully!) any armor set! heres a demonstration of that using the minecraft dungeons armor & weapons mods, just bcos they look very cool and they help a lot with details in armor. (oh and btw, i made the hair specifically press down against her head when wearing armor, of you can tell)

as a further plan, i really want to add some extra movement stuff to this. i know that custom player models allows changing the hitbox, health, reach, etc. and i really want to make this loona model run really fast and have a super high jump. like i said in a previous post, im a big fan of the videos \@rohan_furries posts of his mod which adds detailed anthro fox models to mc, and one of the things it does is add a ton more movement so you can absolutely fly around and lunge and stuff. i really want to add that because GOD running around and kicking ass in this model would be i think the coolest thing in the world. i really hope i can add more detail to the animations because i would love to just stack so much detail on this thing until its so so so smooth... but generally i think itll be mostly finished by the end of this upcoming week, including polishing some of the already existing poses. but ill probably still continue working on it beyond then to add some cool movement stuff like i said above, which i dont know if its even possible but GOD if it isnt im going to figure out how to get it working. i also want to get it working with other buggy things, like some modded armor sets arent compatible with the armor mapping ive set up. ill have to ask around on the cpm discord for that because god the people there really seem to know what theyre doing. theyre all rad as hell btw. other ideas ive had include blinking anims, maybe some more polished idle poses, startup and finishing anims that help it transition between poses more smoothly (which i swear to god might be broken but might just be doing it wrong.) and also gestures if i can figure those out. i also might try to change the arms to be made of two segments instead of the current one so i can get a bit more detailed with the posing. im struggling between adding detail and maintaining the minecraft artstyle. im also excited to finish this project so i can do this all over again but better with another model. dont really know what character its going to be, if you have any suggestions send them to me i guess? idk, i might find a cool one or make one of my ocs or make an oc just for this.

when i finish this model i dont really know what to do with it. its mainly a little project for myself, but i really want to share it with people. ideally id want to sell it for like 10-20 dollars because this thing has taken hours of my time but i still want to share it with people, but im 16 and dont have a way to transfer cash :\ might figure something out, whatever. if you’re interested in getting your hands on it once its finished maybe send me a message? i cant guarantee it but i might if you seem cool.

ok, NOW i need to go to bed since its like LATE as HELL right now. good night guys :)

[pikawarrior]

Welp welcome back to my random rambles im just gonna talk bout alot of random stuff mainly my stories so here for go lets hope this is understandable

Story/maybe comic stuff

Turning of the orange | The Strawberry Patch - Old soon to be remade/written stop motion strawberry shortcake zombie movie me and my dad were making when i was in elementary schoolish. We unfortunately didnt make it that far since he had to leave often and for long times cuz work, but recently i found my old tablet with all the pics and my notes so rework time baby. Im about to use all my years of angst/horror writing to fuck these bitches up even more

The Butterfly Effect and It's Consequences | The Phoenix Effect -

The Butterfly Effect is my main rottmnt fanfic series. About my little rottmnt oc's (Ame) life and how the gang adopting them into the family changed everything mostly for the better but the bad things kinda got alot worse. Idk been focusing on the phoenix effect more

The Phoenix Effect is kinda an extension of that. Its basically the same thing but adds the cass apocalypse series into it. Basically how future Ame being there also changes things and how oopies mystics powers are hard to control after being half dead in stasis for about 12 years hope Ame does trys to leave to protect everyone from himself only to get kidnapped putting everyone in worse danger also oopies isnt that the super dangerous alien someone accidentally freed awhile ago

The Future Diary - So i watched The Hot Box's video on the anime future diary and well here we are

Another rottmnt oc thing. Ame obtains a diary from his future self being like "hey so the world is gonna end soon here's how i think you could possibly stop that. Pls dont do this all alone ur like 5" and ame decides to do it all by himself.

Got all eight chapters planned out already with two already at stage two (aka fully written out just needs to be edited and stuff). I just dont know how to use ao3 in this sense or how to tag stuff plus i got anxiety so its just sitting in my notes app

Video stuff cuz yes

Currently working on a few more special videos. On my channel ive technically reached 100 videos (i unlisted alot of old ones/never posted a bunch more so technically i reached that months ago but shhh let me have this) plus i got 135 subs now so celebrations are in order. Idk what to say bout this, am making a video using the ok ko ending song idk the name, one is a fake collab a friend made and another is an original meme a youtube mutual/friend by association made. Plus like so mant mini things for my ocs, Dimension and Watcher are gonna get so much development and cute couple moments.

Also everyone else is gonna go through so much trauma my gods its gonna amazing.

Also ive been trying to like voice things, audio quality sucks cuz im working off of my tablet but like ive voice a few of my own videos (only one posted) and like its so fun i wish i had proper stuff to do this so i can do it more

Other art stuff

I got a toyhou.se (its EnviousDeath), pls enjoy these characters and stuff

Im trying to make my art more mess and chaotic while staying clean? If that makes any sense. Still a lover of doing gacha stuff but am trying to branch out more.

Also btw how do people just idk do social stuff like trade characters, comment, and just aaaa idk what am doing i forgot how to do social stuff and also i never understood how to do this type without being awkward as hell

Character stuff

Watcher - *slaps religious trauma onto them* bitch gets sacrificed. Okay okay so Watcher, wasnt always Watcher. Before they used to be Ena a simple kid who was sent away for reasons i havent thought of yet to a church. Blah blah corruption, Watcher gets sacrificed for not falling in line blah blah they were saved and given a second chance.

Dimension - *slaps alot of anxiety and identity issues onto her* bitch got issues. Same as Watcher, Dimension wasnt always Dimension. Before she was Ellie a poor girl hated by her whole town because of the lies their mother spread about them and their father who had left years ago. She only had one friend, Watcher. Somehow they managed to make contact with each other despite being in different universes. Eventually Dimension snapped and went on a killing spree, slowly ripping apart her world in the process because this wasnt supposed to happen (think spiderverse canon events but different ill explain later) with her world crumbling around her, Dimension messages Ena one last time, not knowing Ena was already long gone, and accepts what they assume to be death only to fall into whats basically the anti void from utmv, gets corrupted and became a villain technically more of a multiversal criminal.

(For time and length reasons im cutting this segment short)

Multiverse stuff

OKAY TIME FOR WORLD BUILDING

How does what happened to Dimension's universe work? The way i explained it is like spiderverse canon events but different, but heres the details. Idk how to explain this but bare with me

Imagine each universe as a game in a folder on a computer. Each game has different code, story, art assets basically all are mostly different.

Most games are coded to have very specific story events and when something goes wrong everything breaks. Like take a spaghetti thing of code that shatters the moment you try to do something like trying to talk with an npc while having a status effect and thats how some of these worlds are like. And Dimension's was very much one of those worlds, and her breaking down like that shattered the code of their world and everything fell apart.

Im too tired to continue but my main multiverse is like one big computer own by a game creator who only sometimes knows how to make a stable game

Feel free to ask about any of what ive just ramblef about am always willing to ramble bout my stuff

[whipped-bean]

I REFUSE to believe i just stayed up all day drawing these two things on the same fucking canvas

[thebuttsmcgee]

All I wanted to do was make a funky au where my 2 fav chars are gay and my 3rd fav is relevant, now I'm rewriting most of the series having to come up with excuses for plot holes and shitty things in the canon.

[princessyooshiah]

anyway i failed my permit test and ya i cried in the dmv and in the car and i cried in my bed at home but life goes on and i’ll try again 

[theenderwalker]

thinking about the fact that ranboo's lore is hard to get into and impossible to get the full picture of without watching literally hundreds of hours of vods that may or may not be archived and also are occasionally scattered across other peoples vods completely randomly including but not limited to awesamdude, philza, capt. puffy, tubbo, tommy, fundy, or wilbur and that many of *these* vods were not archived, not to mention the ARG. and also the fact that this is by design and when given the opportunity to rectify this by doing a recap stream, ranboo did it "in character", meaning a vast majority of these smaller details were completely omitted and lore in chill streams is completely unlabelled because cc ranboo just didn't want to do it, or because he wanted people to watch his streams regardless of if it was lore or not so countless scenes are buried and lost to time, even those that give vital information to his character, such as the two scenes with the plan board that i hardly ever see referenced. and cc ranboo insisting you can understand his character without following the enderwalk arc and then like half of his solo lore is exclusively about the enderwalk arc and ive been following this trail of crumbs hopelessly for over a year now and i have to deal with people having shitty uninformed lore takes and i have to look at this and know that it was done by design that you can follow ranboo lore and get the broader picture through recaps and analyses but will you ever experience digging through or archiving ranboo's inventory from stream to stream to pick out when things were happening off camera? or will you ever stream hop in the middle of the school day for the hope of maybe spotting him wandering around in the background of another stream, maybe sending a cryptic message in chat? do you still watch every single stream trying to connect it to ranboo's story somehow, and then somehow manage to be RIGHT even when ranboo hasn't logged on in a month? do you theorize and theorize based on information given to us a year ago and get that confirmation a year later, only for people who haven't been watching from the start to insist this just means he was manipulated and has no autonomy? and you just have to sit there and hunt for clips that may or may not exist because c ranboo is unreliable and cc ranboo is allergic to confirming anything about the enderwalk state, knowing that this misinformation is by design and so much of this arc is preserved in your memory and in analyses long lost to time or deleted discord servers with months of backlogs and liveblogging from this era. theres so few clips to prove anything outright because none of this information is ever given outright. it's implied, suggested, spread across 4 streams. its a culmination, a build up over time repeatedly slowed down by scheduling issues and real life getting in the way. and it SUCKS because so many of these facts are what make this story well written. but it also makes it exclusionary by design and things get abandoned and pushed to the side and maybe retconned maybe not, maybe reworked and adjusted and it all adds up to something but it's impossible to know what and i adore this story. i adore it because i've had this experience and i've been there from the start. it just makes me a little bit sad because it seems to gatekeep itself and if i weren't a college student and super fucking busy, i'd do it. i'd rewatch the streams from december, january, february, march, and i'd document it all. i'd clip it and give you all the information i build my perceptions of this character off of from back to front, but i physically cannot and that makes me sad. maybe this is a commentary on how inaccessible the DSMP is but it feels like ranboo turns that up to 11. i've been hyperfixated on ranboo's story for over a year now and i want to share that experience, and i do in every way i can. but it's fucking hard sometimes.

[the-tell-tale-poet]

Uhm...

I seriously dont know how to explain or even where to begin with how life has been going lately or where ive disappeared to. If im being honest it feels like im losing my mind really. A few weeks ago i got retested after the doctors said my quarantine time was up, like i tested positive two weeks ago so i should be negative now. Boy was i wrong and now that i have tested positive for the second time (dont have many symptoms now though) life has picked up with the chaos. Recently my great aunt who we live with and is 76 has tested positive shes having a tough time, my great uncle has tested positive and is blaming me and my mother for it but there are people at his job who tested positive and didnt say it just came to work spreading the virus, my other great aunt who we dont live with and is in her 50s fell down her steps and fractured her hip, my aunt has taken more hours at work so i have to watch my cousin and make sure she doesnt get the virus, and since we all tested positive the rest of our family who should be trying to help us in our time of need is avidly avoiding and ignoring us like we have the black plague so we're dealing with this on our own. It sucks and im tired all the time but im trying my best so please just bare with me here. Im probably just going to try and slowly come back even though im not even sure how to do that now but ill try to, ill just be posting here and there maybe messaging the people i have rps with to see how they're doing and if they still want to continue (probably dont i wouldn't blame them for it). the only real time i have to sit down uninterrupted and write or reply is night time though at the end of the day i just pass out, however ill see if i can rework my schedule to get some in during the day.

Love Love Love

Lachelle ♥

[aggressiveviking]

so-- i want to express my love for something (and im doing it a post here because i tried dishing on chats and nobody seems interested lmao or knew what i was talking about)

ive been a big fan of interactive fictions since i was little - i would play these really old scruffy game-books. that is what we called them here. they were basically books that allow you to make choices as the main character (sending you on a different page according to your choice), having you write down inventory, stats etc. and i absolutely loved them. they were actually the first thing that made me want to write stories myself)

while im at the subject i suppose some of you are aware that I write a bit. I want to explain to you WHY im such a disappointment as a fandom writer (u can skip this part if you want. ill keep it in 1 paragraph) I started writing when i was around 12 years old~ and i basically kept at writing original stories in my native language (Bulgarian) which nobody wanted to read. I moved on from writing solo when I was around 15 – and I started writing in a duo, again original stories. I wrote with different partners - different stories.  4 years ago (20 years old at the time) I found myself at a place where I moved cities and I had grown apart with my writing partners. Unfortunately I had become too accustomed to working with a partner – I found myself completely crippled as a solo writer. I was unable to put together 2 pages before I felt drained and without motivation… which led me to completely stop writing (which was a miserable time because it was also when I stopped drawing altogether- incited by my loss of inspiration and motivation which was closely tied together with my writing) // 2 years ago I started drawing again and I felt motivated to go back to writing so i finally cracked and tried to write fics in english in the hopes that those at least someone would enjoy and i wouldn’t have to feel like i sucked balls as a writer (because that’s how it feels when nobody wants to read anything you write. Even more try keeping that up for almost 10 years. No interest from anybody except for my writing partners. Actually having partners was the only thing that kept me motivated to continue as long as did)...~ writing fanfics turned out to be vastly different than original stories - first because of world building, second because of character creation - both of which is what i most enjoy about writing. Without those i suppose my imagination gets stumped and i can’t think of a plot or character arcs/development (because I don’t feel completely free with the characters or the world~ because they are not mine and I want to honor their original setting as much as I can) which leads me to abandon the projects i start. Another obstacle is the language. While I think im fine as an English speaker I find myself lost when it comes to literature flow – simply said, sentences are structured differently. Also more often than not my vocabulary feels lacking and I don’t know how to best express my thoughts when I can’t think of the right word – something that I have no problem in my native language. These things together lead to a difficulty in my thought flow which in turn leads to me being unable to write or writing very slowly and loosing motivation or focus. When you put all of these together, they make me angry and make me lose confidence in my writing skills and also my language skills so in the end I drop whatever im writing. I tried adapting in a different way – writing first in my native language and then translating it but it takes 3 times longer to write, first to translate the words, then to rework the structure on the sentences and paragraphs. An example for this method is my Fairy Billy fanfic (which was also first an original story that i adapted into a fanfic because my main OC felt flat. it felt a lot more rounded up and complete when i combined it with stranger things lore and harringrove dynamics) In my opinion, yes, it sounds better but it’s hardly worth the effort and time.~ i guess all i wanted to say is that i hate disappointing anyone that follows my fics and also i really miss writing original stories with a partner...

ANYWAY! back to what i wanted to say in the first place->

im so obsessed with these interactive stories i found a few days ago (RPG for android called Delight Games) its extremely fun! there is this series in their library called Ring City (its classic medieval fantasy) and you can play different characters (warlock, demon, rogue, ranger~) basically in the same world (kind of overlapping in places). its such an awesome world build and ive played 2 characters (there are 2 more i havent) and im so in love with it!!  but i played all the chapters they have so far and i have to wait for more (im crying) and i dont know what to do with myself!!! AHH i wanna talk about it so much with anyone else who had played it to compare choices and geek over it lmao

[chocoholicannanymous]

If the Spit Hits the Fan (Glee) pt VIII

Follows pt I, pt II, pt III, pt IV, pt V, part VI. and pt VII.

Readjusting to life at Dalton is a lot easier than Kurt had feared. It helps that he isn't scared witless this time, of course. It also helps that Blaine isn't there to monopolize his time – which, in hindsight, had been the root of a lot of Kurt's isolation. Now he's got the Warblers for real, and Sebastian. He's also got a much better understanding of what it'll take to keep on top of academics, and how much he can allow himself to relax. He hadn't known that last time.

(There's a nagging thought that Blaine must have known, yet said nothing, that refuses to leave his brain. It's not a pleasant one.)

Another difference is that this time Kurt's not looking to return to McKinley. Last time he'd wasted valuable time and energy trying to come up with a way to return, and daydreaming about being back. This time's different. He chose Dalton this time, and he's staying no matter what.

Also, things being what they are he's not spending large chunks of his time with Mercedes and Rachel. From what Finn reports Rachel is furious – that Kurt's left, that he's not getting punished for the election and that he's left them another person down for Sectionals. Kurt's okay with that, seeing as she hadn't exactly been a great friend before he left. As for her rantings, well. If she spreads the cheating rumors too far Kurt'll deal with it – or his dad will – and the rest is easy to ignore.

He does miss Mercedes, but at the same time he's not willing to bend enough to fix things between them. Not this time.

She didn't believe in him.

It's that simple. He was on the verge of suspension, and Mercedes didn't believe in him. She wasn't even enough of a friend to pretend she did in public. Adding her behavior over Blaine's disappearance and West Side Story.... It's up to her to make the first move, and there's nothing guaranteeing their friendship can be salvaged in the end.

So instead of spending time and energy on the mess that is the New Directions – because even with the split that's who they are – Kurt throws himself into making the most of his time at Dalton.

“I'm sorry we can't give you a solo.”

Kurt stares at Sebastian. A solo? Where did that come from? Because honestly, Kurt hadn't expect one, nor had he entirely decided if he should audition for one or not.

“We talked about it and we all know you could use it, and none of us is applying to performing arts' schools. It's simply too close to Sectionals for us to rework our setlist. Not if we want to go on to Regionals. If we do though, then we've agreed that you get a solo.”

There's a hint of pink on Sebastian's cheeks, but Kurt doesn't have the energy to try and analyze that now. It's probably Sebastian's way of apologizing or something.

“Auditions?”

“Right. I guess that this is when I tell you that the Warblers have changed how things are run. Used to be someone auditioned, and then the council decided. Only everyone knew that auditions pretty much were a sham. David and Thad admitted as much themselves, once the others started pushing. After all, it is kind of hard to pretend auditions matter when the person ending up with all the solos never even participated in the auditions in the first place.”

Which... True. Kurt just never thought the Warblers would become aware enough to see that. Maybe it's a side-effect of Wes being gone. Him and his cursed gavel...

“So now the council is gone, and everyone gets a vote on solos. And this time everyone agreed that if we make it to Regionals it was only fair to offer you a spot.”

And well, that changes things. Hopefully.

“Well, it's much appreciated either way. It's a little too late to add a Regionals solo on my NYADA application but I should be able to add it to some of the others.”

Because he is applying to other schools, regardless of what he and Rachel agreed to. Only applying to one school? Insanity. Especially a school like NYADA, which accept only 60 students per year, and only 20 of them for the concentration Kurt (and Rachel) had applied for. What if they doesn't accept him, then what? Was he supposed to stay in Lima and reapply? Spend a year or several working at the garage or in some store while his meager CV became more and more dust-covered by the minute?

No. He's applying to every school in New York that'll suit him – and a few that won't – plus another couple elsewhere. He's even considering throwing in an application to Ohio State, since the campus in Columbus offers a couple of options when it comes to theater and music. Not that he wants to stay in Ohio, not really, but he'll go just about anywhere as long as it's not Lima.

“Well, dreaming about Regionals is all very nice, but we're not there yet. Also, there are other things to consider as well, like passing all my classes. You wouldn't be willing to lend me your notes for French for a night or two, would you? Oh, and I'm not sure I interpreted the third question for our advanced reading homework correctly, so do you think we could sit down and talk it over?”

It's easier to focus on schoolwork, on grammar and linguistics, than on the strangeness of Sebastian's actions. Much easier.

Sectionals comes and goes – and leaves a trophy behind. The Warblers celebrate, and Kurt with them. If his joy is also about the possibility of a solo... Well. Who can blame him?

That is, of course, if what Sebastian said still goes. There's no reason to think it shouldn't, not really, but Kurt remembers being burnt too well to not be cautious.

Regardless, they won't be competing against the New Directions at Regionals. The Troubletones had wiped the floor with their former teammates, and Kurt can't say he's surprised. Finn isn't either, even if it's obvious that he's unhappy about it. Oh, he tries to hide it, but. He's used to winning, loves it, and was already thinking about how to do better at Nationals than last years.

And now that's not going to happen.

“They deserved it, I don't care what anyone” read Rachel “thinks. I know how much they've been rehearsing.”

And the New Directions, true to form, hadn't. Or so Kurt supposes. After all, they hadn't had a setlist when he left, and Finn hasn't complained about suddenly ending up with a ton of extra rehearsals.

“Finn? I know they are good, but I also know you guys are. And it's okay if you're not happy about losing, even to them. It sucks to lose something you really want and losing to your friends doesn't make it easier. Not at first at least.”

“Experience talking, huh?”

“Mmmmmmm.”

Kurt still remembers how it'd hurt to lose to his friends, and not even going back to them had made it feel better. He'd gone to Nationals feeling that he didn't deserve it, and knowing that Mr Schue thought the same.

“You know what really sucks about all of this? We had a suggestion for a setlist that would have given us the win. Michael Jackson songs, solos for everyone... I think it would have been awesome.”

“Let me guess, Rachel flipped.”

It's not even a question, because obviously she would have. Allowing everyone solos? No matter how small, that would have meant less time in the spotlight for her. Just as it wouldn't have mattered how great the suggested songs were, because Michael Jackson isn't something Rachel would be able to do well.

And of course Mr Schue would have folded faster than wet cardboard once she started complaining, neither of them caring that by catering to Rachel's demands they weakened the group.

“Oh yeah. And now she's on a 'woe is me because NYADA' tear, and it's driving me insane. Well, everyone. I'm pretty sure Tina's on the verge of punching her. Plus, she... Anyway, Glee sucks now.”

“She's blaming me, isn't she? For leaving, and for supposedly making Blaine leave.”

It makes sense, in a totally-not-unless-you're-Rachel-Berry way, and it's nothing less than Kurt's been expecting if he's honest. Because there's no way Rachel would ever lose gracefully, just as there's no way she'd accept the rightful blame for having messed up.

“You guessed that, huh? Yeah, sorry. I don't know what's gotten into her, I swear.”

“She's being the worst version of herself. I knew I made myself a target by leaving, I just didn't care. Then again I already was one, so I guess that's 'bigger' target. And I can't imagine she took it any better knowing that the Warblers won our Sectionals.”

Kurt can practically hear Finn wince over the phone, which is never an encouraging thing – and yet, much too frequent with Rachel Berry in the picture.

“I...might have told her that I wouldn't talk to her about it, and walked out the door when she did it anyway?”

Kurt removes the phone from his ear, stares at it, shakes it to see if anything is broken inside, stares at it again and then replaces it.

“I'm sorry, you what? Are you telling me you finally located your balls when it comes to a girl?”

And then it's Kurt's time to audibly wince, because while true that's also extremely rude – and crude – and Finn doesn't deserve it. Not even though it's true.

“I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that.”

“Nah, it's nothing I don't deserve. I just, I've had it okay? I love Rachel, I do, but sometimes I'm not so sure I like her. And the past few weeks have been worse than usual. When we got back together it was supposed to be for this year, since she's going to New York after graduation. Which I figured I could get around, you know? Part of me wants to ask her to marry me and commit to going to New York with her. Another part figured it'll never work since she can't respect anything or anyone outside of herself and her dreams.

“She only changed her mind about sex because Artie told her she wasn't credible onstage otherwise, and she didn't even tell me at first. Then she's been an absolute bitch about everything with you. So let's say I change her mind and we get married. What else will she do?

“I'm not sure about being with her at all anymore, and it's not breaking my heart like it should.”

Hearing that? Kind of breaks Kurt's heart though. Once upon a time he'd have been ecstatic to hear something like this from Finn. Now he's grown beyond that, and all he wants for Finn is happiness. (That he's not sure Rachel can provide that isn't really the point. Up until now Finn has believed it, and that's the only thing that matters.)

“I'm sorry. Do you... I'll be home Friday evening. Want me to bring some cookies and watch a movie, or do you have plans?”

“Peanut butter chocolate chips? Plus, Captain America comes out on DVD this week, and I know you like Chris Evans.”

“I really really do.”

They both laugh, and if Finn's is a bit strained neither of them are going to admit it. What's important here is that regardless of everything they've got each other.

[wlwtsubomi]

Well, uh, I have to admit I somehow never even saw your OSAS stuff until you mentioned it and I looked through the tag?? And I can’t really get what it’s about from just the art but it looks rad and I’m always down for original works (I feel you on drawing shit for your own stuff instead of actually progressing the story) so have at it! Tell me about OSAS, anything from what the world’s like to what the characters like to eat!

akgajdagh honestly thats valid!! osas tends to fly under a lot of peoples radars 😔✊

and also algjakdg thank y ou!!! ive been trying to work on osas for a long while so im rly touched that u think its cool and also that im still Relatable™ ;;w;; i can,, talk a lot,,,, abt osas,,,,,,,, im answering the two questions u gave (what the worlds like and what characters like to eat) and just gonna sneak it under a cut

yeehaw!! 

ok so the world?? ive mentioned it several times but the worlds called uxordra!!! if u go back and find stuff u MAY find that like. i have called it uxodra or uxorda and honestly?? im not sure which one was right so i mashed the two together called it uxordra and called it a day

its ruled by kingdoms bc its. kinda like every other fantasy world like that. note that i started working on osas when i was like. in 6th grade so u have to rly bare with me here bc all the ocs have those 6th grade oc Tragic Backstories or are ocs from a fandom that ive reworked to put them in here. and also if u look closely u would be able to pick out the inspo for some parts of osas.

ALGJAD but yeah its separated into kingdoms!! surprisingly, there isnt a lot of conflict between the kingdoms in the story. surprisingly bc like. thats the plot for several fantasy stories huh. but thats mainly bc 6th grade me didnt even think abt making a fuckin map of uxordra. like ok i get it. but why. 6th grade me i couldve evolved the story so much if only i had a map but instead i didnt and now the story that i came up w rly only mentions only a few different kingdoms and im too invested w it so im too lazy to change it and figure out how to change it. and also they have like. no names

and for that im serious i mean. the kingdom that osas is mainly set in? thats like. the only one named so far. its called valkarie and yes its like valkyrie but just iwth an a instead of a y. see its bc one day 7th grade me realized that i needed a name and came up with one on the spot. but ive been thinking of it and refering to it as valkarie so much that now thats what its called. its a big oof. its arguably one of the biggest kingdoms next to this other one that i dont have a name for??

five out of the main group was born in valkarie!! while iovita ( hes the one w curly hair thats mainly sketched in green) was born in that other big kingdom!! that other kingdom (which is REALLY need a name for considering its the origin place of one of the MAIN CHARACTERS) is like. ok so valkarie is rly just. powerful as a kingdom. but that other kingdom?? theyre just funky! theyre a big trading hub and outsource of crops and everyone thinks theyre cool.

valkarie is. kinda mess. as ive mentioned before yeah no one rly likes them but?? theyre powerful?? they have a big military and iovita comes over here and immediately hisses thru his teeth bc man this is. hm. this seems Excessive. but in their semi defense there was already a good amount of guards and knights and shit but then this whole entire thing happened in ruresi and now all them from there moved to the capitol and its just agakdagjajd Too Many Guards! but yeah like. they also are kinda hggjghjdjg-ing bc there was this whole entire thing called the idarist war which will eventually be elaborated in osas once i actually WORK ON IT!!!!!!!!!! and like it rly just depleted a lot of resources and threw people out of wack

oh my god and i like. just realized i forgot to put this here. but like. theres also gods!!! whenever theres a character in the osas tag that doesnt look human?? tahts a god!!! they just kinda exist and give people things and sometimes start droughts like a fuckin idiot!!!!!!!!! aglajdajg ill probably explain them more in osas. again if i actually WORK ON IT!!!!!!

but yeah. the kingdoms are rather peaceful when it comes to each other. the real conflict most of the time is within the kingdoms themselves?? and at the start of osas its not even that full of conflict. the real peak of hardship was like 80 years ago during the idarist war but most (i say most bc. ruresi.) of valkarie has recovered or at least. recovered as much as they could.

and uhhh what the characters like to eat??

bodil (the ginger one with the teal-ish coat!!) likes salty things!! admittedly its bc her diet kinda. Sucks??? she lives off of preserved things and things merope serves (which is all bar food so. lots of salt.) she also likes milk. she is a simple lesbian she sees milk she drinks

merope (the one w an eyepatch and vitiligo and also sharp chompers………..) really likes stew!!! his aunt used to make it a lot when he was younger and its been his favorite food since!! he makes so many salty things that at this point hes kinda exhausted

aludra (the one with those red marks and blank eyes?? shes mostly drawn in red) cant eat anymore. shes a ghost. BUT anyways she also likes stew. but she also loves dry food that is rly easy to snack on (like crackers or smn!!) bc she kinda used to like just sit in her room and Brood.

iovita (yeah ive mentioned him already. hes the one in green) likes pies!! he likes fruits and as such was like “holy shit you can bake SO MANY fruits into pies. he really likes everything really?? bc yeah his kingdom is known for their abundance of farmland which means lots of fruits and meat and vegetables and its just. wild. but he really doesnt like sour things. conan eats a lemon in front of him and iovita realizes that Their Gods Will Not Save Them.

alfjadka yeah conan (has the light hair w dark roots, that emo bang, and drawn in grey) likes sour things. or so he says. he really likes sweets actually. especially caramel. his mom used to sneak him candies and its a mixture of just that positive association and also just. sweets good. that just makes him really love candy.

sorin (has the bandage over eye and the burn scars. also a ginger. mostly drawn in a yellow-gold) does really?? have??? a favorite food???or a favorite thing to eat???? he takes what he gets and at the least he knows that bread at the least is semi-reliable. ruresi while it was still up wasnt especially known for their food and it really shows?? well at least, sorin says that but conan has noticed that sorin sometimes stares at cakes for a long time………..

(conan buys every cake he sees sorin staring at then always eat a bit before going “oh wow!! i cant finish this sorin u can have it”. sorin is always a bit skeptical abt actually getting it and every other bite asks if conan is Really Sure He Can Have All This. but he eat its every time.)

[lunatic-fandom-space]

Episode 12 is 24 mins long, its the longest one yet please tell me theres something here thats not just filler

Its the same day as the previous episode and shes walkin around, doin what she always does and interacting w/ the villagers, I think we'll just show this as a kindof montage

I feel like she hasnt been interacting w/ Emmalyn since she moved into her own house, maybe they have a lil girls afternoon at Emmalyn's or something to distract her

Then we get the scene w/ Logan at the plaza, which plays out like it does in the OG, I might adjust Aphmaus dialogue to be a bit more irritated n shit. I also might lead into the scene by having one of the villagers be like "ay, this merchant isnt selling stuff, what up w/ that"

Once shes done w/ that, she goes to check on Brendan again and has an exchange w/ Garroth thats slightly different than the one in the OG, I mainly wanted him to say that he and the Brightport doctor helped Brendan bc yknow, he was there too. I would still like to have Garroth being good w/ injuries as a trait though, bc hes a guard and I feel like it makes sense for him to know how to handle them

Also, at the end of his plea for Aphmau to stay here I'd like to add something like "And I ask of you, please rest. You look... tired."

Okay, ive decided that Aphmau doesnt have a hamster, rn she just has her cat so Im cutting this subplot about the hamster growing istg if that turns out to be important

So yeah, Aphmau leaves decides to check on Zenix and asks him if he's feeling alright bc yknow, hes about to go chase not!Zenix and he seems like a dangerous fella. Their convo starts the same sans a few tweaks, Im extending it a little and adding more of a back and forth so it seems more like normal human interaction, and Im cutting that bit where he asks her to make him three arrows bc thats another one of those things that makes sense in a Minecraft RP but not really in any other story

Logan has set up a makeshift archery stand like in the OG and Aphmau approaches him but his dialogue is a bit different bc yknow, Zenix actually does have a bow and arrows here. Maybe he can instead mock him for being really bad at archery, saying smth like "A real knight would know how to use more than one weapon!". Maybe that could even trigger some kind of fight between Zenix and Logan bc Zenix is not standing that far away from him. Idk, I feel like quite a few of these convos really need to either be longer or feel less like they take place in a vacuum where no one else can hear them, but I'll worry about that when I polish this a bit more

In any case, ya girl is too tired to deal w/ this so she just interrupts them like "Hey, Zenix, do you mind showing me your archery skills" and so he does and he sucks ass which is. not great. And Aphmau is just like "ahaha, yea, you, youre not good... hopefully you'll get better though 👍 im leaving, have a nice day" and then she leaves and goes to rest at home

Man, I feel like some of these episodes are just so nothing, I hope i can rework them into something thats a bit less hard to pay attention to. And again, a lot of these issues just come down to "theyre trying to tell a story in Minecraft, but it currently just comes across as a playthrough of a fantasy openworld rpg in the worst way possible" but stilllllllll, i have a really low attention span man :(

I also get why theyre taking it slow in the beginning, I also want to take it slow so that the audience can get attached to this place and the people in it so that its like, tragic when shit starts hitting the fan but ughhhh idk what this is man

[cagedravenwriting]

You Haven't Lived Until You've Died

"There's only two things that are ever certain in a life: conception, meaning that an organism begins to form in order to live, and death, when the organism is no longer able to sustain the life force it was given at conception. Now, with conception, it's that normally, there's no complications. But death? There's no telling when the reaper is gonna swing his scythe right across your neck, or the big man in the sky himself sucks the soul right out of your body. And then, there’s always the fear of death. There's a never a fear of conception, unless it's some film where they're foreboding the conception of an evil creature.

    I mean, I guess it was a good thing they were afraid of my conception.

    The name is Cassandra Quin, and I'm a serial killer.

    Before I was born, my grandmother had told my mother never to get pregnant, or she would regret the “evil” she would've brought unto the Earth. With my mother being the free spirited hippie she was back in 1976, she did it anyways. Fast forward 9 months later to October 26th, 1976, and BOOM little baby me entered the world.

    My adolescent years were spent with my drunk mother constantly yelling at me to try to do better even though my scores were perfect, and my father doing some not so nice things to me that I'd rather not say to trigger those memories. Fast forward again to my 18th birthday, when I killed my parents. Stabbed them both with the cake cutter. No biggie. Small town, super rural, not many people liked them anyways, if you couldn't already tell. After that, I packed up and ran from our small town in Michigan to Seattle, Washington. It was a rather big city, but not big enough to where it's constantly recognized, like NYC or Miami.

    Fast forward again to when I'm 26 and my first date. Shocker right? Not really. Grew up in a small town, remember? Anyways, the guys name was Justin DeCarle, and he decided it'd be a great idea to give me the whole “men are and always will be superior” spiel while we were in an antique store. So I broke a pane of glass on top of a display of knives, just happened to grab a nice little dagger that just happened to have been owned by Bram Stoker apparently, and stabbed the guy where it counts. I then proceeded to cut open his mouth, stab him in the stomach, and dash out of the antique store. No one ever bothered to stop me.

    After I was outlawed in both the northeast and the northwest of my great homeland, I started to make my way down the coast. Once I wasn't able to go south anymore, I headed back east. I've been killing ever since, just kinda circling the country, bringing a rightful justice to the scum of the earth. And I'll be able to pretty much until the Earth itself is destroyed.

    How is this possible, you may ask? I don't seem to remember this, but apparently the second I stepped outside my house, I was run over by a bus. Now, anyone that knows how ghosts normally work, knows that a vengeful spirit is mainly succumbed to a certain area. In my case, however, since I was hit by a roaming vehicle with the intention of roaming anyway, I guess the rules of the afterlife bent a little bit to allow me to terrorize people anywhere I damn well pleased.

    So why do I bother to regale you with my sob story of a biography? I want it to be known that for some people, once you're dead, you've honestly never felt more alive."

So this piece was actually a short story that I had to write for my English IV class back in highschool, much like a lot of these stories are gonna be. Cassandra Quin was supposed to be a much bigger character in another story of mine, but I still never added her due to me not touching the story for almost a year at this point. I'm hoping this account will convince me to progress on that story, I've been working on it for almost 8 years and so many reworks have come and gone.

[cosplayinamerica]

Rey from  Star Wars : RethinkCosplay

I'm one of the biggest Star Wars fans out there. There are times when the outfit should be as big as my obsession. Every year since The Force Awakens came out I thought to tackle something huge from each of the new films in the Skywalker saga. When I saw Snoke for the first time, it was love. I knew it had to be him, and not only him, but his huge throne. That was my 2016 cosplay.

When Last Jedi came out I asked myself "now what is the hardest thing to replicate in this one?", but it be a luxury to think I could convince friends to pay for a ticket to stand in a line, so the next best thing was getting the cut outs. I'm not an attractive or meticulous cosplayer, but I am a clever one. You're allowed to be more better at constructing, you're allowed to be more popular, more attractive, but not creative. That is my absolute shit. I suck at make up and needlework, but not in ingenuity. I like working with illusions, the performance art realm. I wouldn't go to someone else's domain and try to be the best there, rather I play to my own strengths. I find that theres an air of female cosplayers take off a lot to be noticed, and men put on a lot of armor to stand out, kinda thing. But once you know what the lines are, you can break them.

You can crossplay, be off the wall, and thrive in the grey area; tapping into some unique cosplay without all the trappings of what a cosplay has to be. I knew at some point I wanted to do a gender-swap cosplay. I never done one. I think I ended up looking more like a soy wax candle, but lo and behold, Rey, nonetheless.

Photo: tascena

The response at #NYCC was spectacular and reminded me why I do this. I don't make my outfits for me, I do it for them. Cosplayers, Comic Con attendees are my people. I don't do this in the hopes to be popular or anything, it be nice, but I don't want to get lost in creating for that. I like making people laugh. I like seeing the laughter that I believe I had when I thought of the idea. I very much enjoy reading and seeing what everyone has to say online.

There are times where I could be feeling down, and I can pull up a picture and read a caption that brings me back to life. Seeing security and people you'd never expect to take your photo, take your photo. There is a beautiful magic that comes down from the air on days like those, fills the room and gets concentrated. The energy is beautiful. I don't think I'd ever like anything as much as I do the people. To be a fan of this stuff is already a mark of intelligence. And Con people, although snippy at times, have great taste.

Rey almost didn't happen at all. Like it was not going to make it inside the building or anywhere near the con. Security had stopped me, their advisors had stopped me. Said it was the longest outfit they ever had. No one wanted to risk bringing this into the convention, which is a miracle it even did. Ive always felt I had the right temperament to be a cosplayer cause I don't get mad if things go awry, my brain just re-calibrates the destination.

Photo : lykeleia

My friends Citizen Chris and Hye Young had to argue with security for an hour. We brought it in disassembled to make the transport of it easier, and I guess the look of these long grey rods startled them. We were allowed to assemble them inside, but was told I couldn't go in. Once it was all put together, and every superstar supervisor had been shown pictures of my work from previous years were they convinced I could be let in, provided I don't go all the way, and have two people making sure no one gets smacked in the face. I have days where I go in with a smoother cosplay to see the show floor and other days where I know I wont be able to. You have to choose wisely which. But every time I see a picture of my Rey now, I just think to myself "that almost didn't happen". Which, in and of itself, is a big compliment; the fact that you can make an outfit so wide for even Comic Con.

I started building in June. June kicks off Con season for me. Being its 4 days, I try not to aggravate myself with putting everything together the month before. I designate a month to each day. It was worn Friday so that would put us in July. I started building in July.

The construction is very simple actually. Once you get past the "awe", you'll see shower curtain hooks and aluminum tape. I don't use measurements. I rely on a "crude magic" to see me through. At some point if you are getting all caught up in the rigid dictatorship of everything needs to come out a certain way, thats not fun. It is a more delicate life form than a baby at times, but still. This is Cosplay. Even the makings of it should be fun. Some of it is like discovery, finding a new world. It should excite you to learn things in the makings of, for some of those things may inform how others could be built down the line.

As with anything, I feel like we all each make our cosplay three times or so before we get it right. I took two plastic rods that had some earth to them, dense enough to attach something weighty and not enough to weigh me down. Drilled holes in the appropriate areas, zip tied the hooks in and taped them down. Took shelving parts to make the shoulder holders, and painted everything grey Rey. Slid yarn through the cut outs so all I had to do was tie them to the hooks. Aluminum tape, zip ties, and galvanized wire make the Ariel Krupnik story. I've made it through a lot of miserable nights constructing with friends like that. I like my cosplays to be held together strong enough that I could go play basketball in them if I wanted. Peeing would have been genius though.

Photo: upaausedshimmy

Cosplay has saved my life on multiple occasions. It almost feels like every year is just me trying to get through the months until I can make it to Comic Con. It confirmed my beliefs that people do care about the work I produce. That there is an audience for it.

Cosplay is another art form that should be respected, and we are in a time period where I think its getting that close. It also saves other people as well. Its made the most of me, and given me the power to make someones day. There are people who travel to these cons, see you and say "that did it for me". I have seen and heard this first hand. Ive seen people cry.

As artists, as cosplayers are, we can get so caught up wondering whether all of this matters; that we feel it doesn't if it doesn't reach the attention of the one or two people we want it to matter to, but don't overlook the many people it does. Its had a profound effect on me. Its an art form that I don't have to rely on myself to come up with characters, ideas yes, but to rely on an industry that will give me things I can rework for everyone, forever. Technically one could cosplay forever if movies, comics, etc are always being released. I wish Comic Con was 361 days a year and we had 4 days of normalcy.

[svtskneecaps]

im actually curious now... ive never played the game myself but ive seen ads floating around... why Are you so heated abt hogwarts mystery if u dont mind me asking?? --💕

OH BUD, YOU'RE GONNA REGRET ASKING

i've ranted before on here and i'm too lazy to read it over and make sure i don't repeat points so if you want to hear me say the same stuff a different way then this post is the main rant i did before (although some bits are out of date, like the stats rant; they fixed that some), basically i have a few big problems

gameplay is frustrating

energy is required to do almost all things story related, except like. the occasional duel.

energy recharges one point at a time, every four minutes. there is an energy maximum that you can increase at certain points during the story. as far as i can tell, everything is divided between things that are "1 hr", "3 hr", and "8 hr". this goes for classes, story moments, etc. you use the energy to tap highlighted shapes and fill a star meter and if you collect all the stars you need, you pass

the 1 hr stuff requires a full energy meter, no matter how big your meter is, as far as i can tell. my meter is 33 max energy. it takes me 2 hrs to fill this meter. THE ONE HOUR STUFF TAKES ME TWO HOURS TO COMPLETE. SO NATURALLY, I THINK THAT'S FUCKING BULLSHIT.

either way, waiting for the energy to recharge is fucking boring, especially when the story is progressing at a snail's pace (it's a mobile game, they're trying to make you pay money to complete the game faster, which i GET. i play idle games. i have the patience of a god. BUT AT LEAST FUCKING BAKERY STORY MAKES ME FEEL LIKE I'M ACCOMPLISHING SOMETHING)

duelling used to be worse (it uses a rock-paper-scissors mechanism and it used to be if you lost the rock paper scissors you just didn't get to go, so you could get stunlocked by the enemy and lose just because you suck at random chance rock paper scissors, which was fucking frustrating. now the rock paper scissors just decides who goes first, which i'll admit is better)

i guess they've been trying to fix it and make it less. shitty. so a while back they added "clubs" which is pretty much just another incentive to complete events. the highlights you tap on to fill up the meter to complete events are a different color sometimes and it gives bonus club exp that gets you rewards sometimes. clubs aren't terrible, like they're a bandaid fix but i mean they did at least add some measure of satisfaction to the experience. even if it's like. not enough.

they also added a "memory log" which i guess the idea was that it would be fun to revisit scenes from past years and quests and ~view your memories~ but. it doesn't work. like i try to play a memory and it loads for infinity. so. that's a useless feature

they also added "pages" which are just. pieces of paper you can bind into a notebook (used as a form of special currency in the game; you buy animals with it). apparently you can also use them to buy another chance at the timed quests but i hate timed quests very deeply so they're useless to me. not sure if that feature works but considering it's triggered using the memory log it's really anyone's guess. so that's pretty. awful.

(it's much harder to get genuinely heated when i'm taking the time to list the faults i take with the game one by one in an essay like format but this game sends me into rand mode 90% of the time i'm just apathetic to it right now, i'm being clinical)

it's ugly

this game is more glitch than graphic. i cannot count on my appendages how many glitches and weird moments and gross graphical choices there are. maybe this is just because it's a mobile game and it's a hardware limitation, i have no idea. that's probably the case. doesn't make me hate the game any less. doesn't make me hate how ugly it is any less.

now i don't record the quidditch matches so i don't have many examples of that but those cutscenes are glitchy as all fucking get out and that's one of the things you can use to grind stats, energy, etc. there's not a quidditch event going on so i can't get images of the tail end of my broom EXTENDING OFF INTO THE TREELINE FOR FIVE MILES OFFSCREEN in certain cutscenes so you'll have to take my word for that one, but it's a thing that happens in two separate cutscenes and it's fucking bananas that it's still a thing that exists and hasn't been FIXED or NOTICED do they not have quality assurance????????????

AND WHY DOES MY WRIST LOOK LIKE THAT. WHY. I WANT TO HOLD MY FROG. I LOVE MY FROG. BUT GOD, IT LOOKS LIKE SOMEBODY HAS TWISTED MY WRIST LIKE A WET TOWEL. WHY DOES IT LOOK LIKE THAT???

I'M PRETTY SURE THE QUAFFLE IS SUPPOSED TO BE UNDER MY ARM, WHY IS THIS WHAT'S HAPPENING. THIS CLIP PLAYS IN EVERY QUIDDITCH MATCH I EVER DO.

WAIT THERE'S NOT EVEN A FUCKING BROOM THERE I LITERALLY NEVER NOTICED THAT THERE'S NOT EVEN A BROOM. I WAS SO DISTRACTED BY THE QUAFFLE I DIDN'T NOTICE THERE'S NO FUCKING BROOM.

THEY'RE HANGING OFF THE BACK END OF THEIR BROOMS. THIS PLAYS EVERY MATCH. WHAT THE FUCK. (don't mind the image quality that's coming from me screenshotting a screen recording)

i don't feel like editing video clips right now just for a shitty rant post about a shitty app game so you'll have to take my word for it that there is more shit and it is egregious and barely a scene goes by where something ugly doesn't happen. half the time they're like "cast this spell!" and i cast it and there's supposed to be a sweet little animation of your character casting the spell but every time i do it, the game glitches and my character freezes, and then the spell has been cast. no animation. which is awful. half the time it loads in such a way that you think you blinked, but no. the screen just glitched everything into place. i don't know how to describe it honestly. it's awful.

it's boring

the story COULD be good, if it wasn't fed to you in tiny chunks over the course of several years. it's an okay plot, the usual harry potter chasing after some mystery (in this game it's the Cursed Vaults, usually there's a specific vault you're chasing in every year to hopefully find your brother and save hogwarts from the curse in the process). that's a pretty solid start

but there's so much FILLER. like there's a bit in year 3 where you go fucking around trying to make an extra sweet butterbeer for madame rosmerta while she's trying to track down your brother's journal in her back room (which is apparently as organized as my fuckin bedroom) and like. it takes so fucking long to actually progress with ANYTHING related to the story after that. like the entire plot STALLS while you try to make the butterbeer. LIKE IMAGINE IF A HARRY POTTER NOVEL STOPPED FOR A CHAPTER TO DESCRIBE HIM DOING SOMETHING SO FUCKING BORING. like at least in there you might get some character development or something, there's no shit like that in this fucking godawful shit of a game. hell there's barely character development, for you, for your friends, for the professors, fuckin NOTHING

they bloated their cast out. there's way too many characters and they waste their time on filler rather than actually developing the characters (for reference, i'm halfway through year 4). ben's personality is "cowardly gryffindor". rowan's personality is "books and socially awkward". tonks's personality is "prankster" (which, incidentally, i've heard is also the entire personality of another character you meet later). they aren't developed. i think they're blowing their character development budget on the "enemies to friends" arc they're trying to pull (i'm guessing that based on a christmas theme side quest and her uncharacteristically spilling her tragic backstory, that's a prediction)

year 1 was entirely wasted time. they could have done so much more with year 1, and they just. didn't. year 1 is disproportionately short and it only involves three friends (rowan, ben, and penny) plus your main enemy. it lays the base bones for your rivalry fairly well, all things considered, and starts the chase for the cursed vaults, and lays some bases for your friendships (wish they would have done more, since the characters are still a little one-note), and then they fucking drop the ball in later years. like i haven't seen ben since year 2, but there was SOMETHING going on between him and the vaults, what the fuck was that? why is no one acknowledging that?? there is a mystery that they're just fucking ignoring and i'm going to go fucking crazy

i went into greater detail on this in the other rant so i'm not going to do it again but it pisses me off. that and how useless the house is. and the fact that it presents you with choices like they'll do anything, but they don't really affect anything (at least not where i'm at in the game). like, i've been presented with the option to take different characters with me, but the friend i took with me didn't get any meaningful dialogue at all so what even would the difference be if i'd taken someone else?? what was the point?? it's stupid. it's dumb. i hate it. i hate it.

anyway there's 1600 words on it. the only reason i'm still playing it is because i plan on reworking the whole damn thing using the "each house gets a different storyline with a few constant story beats", but to do that i need to know the plot of the stupid fucking thing. so that's what i'm doing for the moment. it might take me a couple years to finish though. this game sends me spiraling into burnout at speeds only rivaled by public school, even when it's NOT forcing you to stop and wait eight straight hours.

[practicepeaceandlove]

the struggle is real.

well, I havent been here in a minute. id like to think thats good, that ive been managing well without needing to write it out, but Idk how true that is. I’ve been using crutches in the forms of food, drinking, pot, and codependency. I’ve got to put an end to that though, and start getting some of this shit out. 

its been an interesting year so far. I lost my cousin to suicide in January. Lost a significant friendship later that month. Lost all hope and trust in a love-interest that I held on to for far too long. I’ve just been feeling used and secondary in a lot of my relationships. and that has left me feeling lonely. like, lonelier than I’ve ever felt. It’s uncomfortable. it actually fucking sucks. but trying to ride the feeling out. 

Despite these losses, I’ve had some amazing things come my way. I got a job with the state. In addiction treatment. In a new town. Working towards my goals. This definitely came at a time where I was becoming desperate to leave my job. Desperate for a change really. 

Mostly, I’m loving my life in Buffalo. I have way more time for me. I’m back at the gym. I’m walking dogs as a part time job. My drinking has decreased TREMENDOUSLY. Like, I drink once a week. And I’m not even crazy about that anymore. Hangovers are awful, and feels incredibly depressing. I think the decrease in drinking is due in large part to working at a rehab. Like, I’m naturally absorbing what we teach clients. I’m staying more present. it’s also been feeling really good to just be raw, and not cloud myself.

Before moving up here, I was so worried about the pay cut. Like I was stressing so much, constantly reworking my budget. Now that I’m here, I realize the dollar goes a lot farther, and im spending way less money on social outings. And I’m still saving, which is incredible. i definitely didn’t think id be able to swing that. 

so its been a mixed bag of ups and downs. the loneliness is the biggest issue. but I’m not rushing to return home, bc in a way, I was lonelier at home. I think when you begin to realize that you’re lonely in a room full of your friends, its really not an environmental thing, but an internal thing. That being said, my friendships are trimming down. And I’m realizing that some maybe wont hold out. I think people are very much just invested in whats in front of them at the moment. and im not in front of anyone really. 

Something my coworker said the other day really kind of resonated with me. He was talking to a client, who is very sociable, outgoing, amusing, demands attention. And my coworker called him out on it. That it wasnt his job to make everyone feel lighthearted and amused. That he’s a human with complex emotions, that sometimes can be ignored to fulfill a role he’s assigned himself. I think it’s really hitting me now that I do that a lot. I present with a bubbly, amusing, entertaining facade, and it takes a lot to pull the dark stuff from me sometimes. & when it gets the point that the dark stuff bubbles over, it’s big, and it’s scary to people who don’t expect it. People like to assign us roles to, and when we don’t fulfill them, we can feel like we’re disappointing people. 

What I’m getting to with that is... I have got to start only taking responsibility for disappointing myself. Fulfilling the roles that meet my values and needs. And if people cant accept it, then I’ll be okay without them because I’m living genuinely. 

This is bothering me tonight because I had such a hard night at work, but I know that it’s been on my mind for awhile. But at work, it just became so clear to me that the desire to be liked and feel validated drives so much of what I do. A patient accused me of being biased and favoring others, and it ripped me in half. I was legit second-guessing myself. And in a way I do though. I didn’t call a patient out on shit because there was a part of me feeling like I would let him down. I think I got so upset because the patient who was upset saw something in me that I try so fucking desperately to ignore. It rattled me. 

I think that for far too long, because I like people, I’ve let them walk all over me. Or not so much all over me, because it’s not personal. Some people are more aggressive about what they want, and attempt to take it. And it doesn’t fly with a lot of people, and they may have been stopped in their tracks. But I let a lot of shit fly. And they learn that their typical tricks will fly with me. 

It comes down to this: I have to fucking start liking myself more than I like other people. I put a lot of energy into others. Into being a good friend. Into trying to be a good girlfriend.  But I don’t think I’ve put much into determining what I really want. What are deal-breakers for me. Or if I do know them, I put little energy into maintaining those boundaries. 

So i’ve got a lot my mind. But I’m going to start working on getting it out. In a closing thought, I’m rewatching Six Feet Under, and for the first time ever, I am relating to David. His loneliness is speaking to me so strongly. Also, he’s going through a bit of an identity crisis during this season, and I’m with that too. But seasons come, and they go.